Dear Webby: Print just the selected text 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday April 30
==========================================

I'm home again, and glad to be.
I obviusly CAN run the company while on the road in foreign
 countries, but it sure is more comfortable at a decent desk
 with proper lighting.

Today I'll unpack and get back into the normal routine, and
hopefully tomorrow I wil have time to write a report on the
trip.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_______________________________________________

Don't knock the weather. 
If it didn't change once in a while, 
nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
-- Kin Hubbard


Thanks to Cookie for these daffinitions: BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who to blame for it. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all' not 'reply'.) See also CLM CLM - Career Limiting Move: Telling a racy joke about the boss to someone on the phone, without first checking to see if the boss is visiting the cubicle on the other side of the paper wall. BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am. BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crime watch. GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the distance, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!". MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
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A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to some gullible cellphone users in Dublin, Ireland April 27, 2008 - Dublin, Ireland - Ananova Hoax calls to Dublin Zoo for Rory Lion and G Raffe are jamming its telephone switchboard. Up to 5,000 unsuspecting victims of a practical joke are flooding the phone lines at the Phoenix park attraction, reports the Irish Independent. They all received text messages to their mobile phones telling them to urgently call the zoo's number and ask for G Raffe, C Lion, Rory Lyons or Anna Conda. Zoo bosses say their switchboard operators have been overwhelmed and pleaded with the public not to fall for the prank. Meanwhile callers to the zoo hear a specially recorded message: "If you are calling to speak to Mr Rory Lion, C Lion, G Raffe or anyone similar please be aware that you are the victim of a hoax message." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2828386.html?menu=
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to Sue for this picture of a Sapsucker bird in her tree:
From the Tech Support Pits: From Scotty RE: Print selection Dear Webby, HEY, Mr. Cool...how can I print some of the jokes I get off your letter with out having to print it all??? Scotty Dear Scotty Just highlight that joke, hit CTRL C to copy it, jump into a Notemaid or Wordprocessor or email CTRL V to paste it Then print that. With some printers you can simply highlight a portion, hit CTRL P, chose "Print Selection", and hit PRINT. Have FUN Dear Webby

Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but "a*******." (you can fill in the blank).

Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2008 - Andover, Massachusetts - UPI A Massachusetts elementary school is hoping to set a Guinness World Record after collecting at least 5,600 stuffed animals for charity. Mounds of stuffed animals crowded the gymnasium of the Shawsheen School in Andover during a Monday assembly when students were informed of their accomplishment, The Boston Globe reported. "The kids were honestly wild, they were just so excited," Principal Moira O'Brien said. "It was really nice, mostly to remember why they did it." The school has held a stuffed animal charity collection the past 12 years, linking Phillips Academy and Andover High School tutors with Lawrence middle school students. The plush animals will go to kids in orphanages, medical centers and libraries in Belize. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

"When my sugar daddy dies," confided Jeni to Debi, "I'll inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles." "You mean testament," chuckled Debi. "No, testicles..." said Jeni, "I've got him by the balls."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hollow Book for Hiding Items Buy a hardback book at a thrift store and transform it into a hollow book. Just use a utility knife to cut out a rectangular hole in the book pages. Use a straight edge to guide the knife. Use rubber cement to glue all the pages together and you have a great place to hide items on your bookshelf. Click Here For More Safety Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _4770.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My friend's sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception. Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and enclosed one with each formal invitation. Family and friends were surprised to read: "Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom at the Holiday Inn. Everyone is invited to participate in this memorable event."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Any day in history
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby: Fuzzy Zoom 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday April 29
==========================================

"We should be careful to get out of an experience
only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there;
lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid
again, and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore."
-- Mark Twain


Every year when travelling I meet people who are on their way to or from visiting their parents. It never ceases to amaze me how much some people spend on retirement homes. These days the average seems to be around $300 a day, and very few of the parents are happy where they are. The rooms are small, they can't do this and can't do that, and the atmosphere is half way between jail and hospital, and the only Internet access is in the lobby and is always in use. Wake up folks! How much does it cost to stay at a nice hotel ? $40 - $100 If you ask them for an annual rate, they will knock that down 30% or more and roll out the red carpet. They will treat you like royalty! Wireless DSL from pool to park, fitness room, room service, laundry service, phone in the room, coffee machine in the room and no need to bribe nursing home staff for extra packets of coffee, and on and on. Many hotels have free limousine service, and in scenic areas they often have sight-seeing tours or are connected with tour companies that stop at the hotel. With the difference between $30 and $300 you can travel around and check out where you will stay the next year, if you want a change of scenery or climate. If you are planning your or a relative's retirement, take notes!
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One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read: "My name is Daniel."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Williams, 22, of Salinas, Calif April 27, 2008 - Carmel, California - WFTV A woman's car disappeared Friday morning, only to have the alleged car thief call and demand ransom money while police were investigating at her home. The car was taken from a Carmel neighborhood Friday morning. While police were at the woman's home investigating the car's disappearance, she got an unexpected phone call. "The suspect calls the residence requesting if the victim wants her car back, she can pay $1,000 and have the car returned to her," said Carmel police spokesman Ken Shen. The caller told the woman to meet at the McDonald's in Sand City, Calif., and to bring the $1,000 with her. Police made the exchange and then stopped the alleged car thief, 22-year-old Troy Williams of Salinas, Calif., as he left the area. "We had a decoy pose as the victim, so the victim was safe and never involved," Shen said. Williams was booked into the Monterey County Jail. http://www.wftv.com/automotive/15947729/detail.html
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture of the burrowing owls in the lawn across the street from her.
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From: Arthur Re: Fuzzy Zoom Dear Webby, My digital camera shoots perfectly sharp pictures close up, but when I use zoom then the farther away parts are awfully fuzzy some of the time, but quite clear at other times. Shouldn't the same lens be sharp in all settings at all times? Arthur Dear Arthur The lens is probably quite OK. Hold a long fishing rod and point it at something small. Does it jitter around a bit ? Multiply that by the distance to the scenery that you want to shoot. That multiplied jitter is what causes the fuzz. There are a few ways to fix or diminish that fuzz. For long distance shots, use a tripod or put the camera onto a small sand baggie. Use the fastest (shortest) exposure time that you can get away with. Open the apperture as wide as you can to the lowest f-stop number to force the time to be shorter. Don't worry about the picture being a bit darker if you use shorter exposure times. You can always lighten the picture once you have it on the computer. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Comments heard re the recent power failure: "When the food in our refrigerator began to spoil, my wife gave me a big kiss for stocking up on canned food in our basement," an California man said. "Then moments later, she gave me a big kick for buying an electric can opener." "I like to jog every morning," a New Jersey man said. "But without electricity, I can't use my treadmill. I don't know what to do. I asked my neighbors, but none of them owns a generator." "I can't call anyone," a woman griped. "What am I supposed to do while I drive?" "I don't mind not being able to use my microwave," one tearful woman said. "But do you have any idea what it's like to manage without a hair dryer?"

Deeli's Kudos April 27, 2008 - Burlington, Iowa - WFTV A pooch in Burlington, Iowa, is taking care of nine kittens that lost their own mother. "She does everything momma cat would do," said Angie Beard, a worker at the Des Moines County Humane Society. "She's excellent." Lilly Lou, as shelter workers call her, is nursing nine kittens, the results of three litters that all lost their mothers. Beard initially gave Lilly two kittens, hoping she would take to them while the rest were bottle fed. Shelter workers were hopeful that Lilly would accept more kittens as their chances for survival being bottle fed weren't very high. Lilly, who recently had six puppies of her own and is expecting another litter, immediately took to her new charges, which Beard and other shelter workers have dubbed "pittens," or puppy kittens. "If one of them crawls out of bed, she'll follow it around the room, toss it up in the air and then take it back to the bed," Beard said. "She cleans them just like her own puppies; she feeds them just like her own puppies." The kittens are three and four weeks old now and will stay with Lilly until they are six weeks old. To view the video: http://www.wftv.com/family/15972844/detail.html

The old pastor made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drilling In Wood When drilling a hole in wood with a hand drill, use a nail or awl to start a hole where you plan to drill. That will help get the drill started and prevent it from skidding on the wood and leaving unsightly marks. Make sure the wood is firmly secured using a vice or a clamp. For More Helpful Home Improvement Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_598.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

'Global Crossing' company advertised that their "fast, secure, seamless global network" by touting that it "transmits data at speeds that practically break the sound barrier." This means that a data packet going from New York to London will take about 4 1/2 hours to be delivered. I am not impressed. Even AOL is faster than that !

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Old Wood Toys:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby, how do I make the Degree Symbol 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday April 28
==========================================

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot 
read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
--- Alvin Toffler

Wise men talk because they have something to say; 
fools, because they have to say something.
--- Plato

Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your kids!
--- Socratex


Eunice went to the dentist the other day. It was discovered that she had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, Eunice," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" Without hesitation Eunice replied, "Chocolate, please."
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Bob and Bill fly to Alaska for a fishing trip. They hire a bush pilot and rent a boat, rods and tackle. After two weeks, they've caught only one small salmon. "Man, Bill," Bob says. "Do you realize this lousy fish cost us about $2,000 apiece?" "Wow," Bill replies. "At that rate, it's a good thing we only caught one."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua L. Moore, of Frankfort, Kentucky April 27, 2008 - Louisville, Kentucky - WFTV A Kentucky man was arrested on drug trafficking charges early Sunday morning after he was reportedly pumping gas into an imaginary vehicle, reported WLKY-TV in Louisville. According to the arrest report, Metro Police arrived at a gas station in Louisville and immediately smelled marijuana coming from Joshua L. Moore, of Frankfort, Ky., who station clerks contend was filling up an imaginary vehicle. Officers searched Moore and found "two large baggies" of marijuana and a large amount of Ecstasy. Police said Moore also had a cell phone and a large amount of money, which they said was indicative of trafficking. Police said that more narcotics were located on Moore when he was being booked into Metro Corrections. Moore, 25, was charged with three counts of trafficking. http://www.wftv.com/automotive/15945906/detail.html
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The desert blooms this week!
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From Charlotte Re: Degree Symbol Dear Webby, I saw in a local paper a long time ago how to put up the symbol for degrees. I want to write up some recipe cards and would like to use that symbol. Thanks for your help. Charlotte Dear Charlotte Just hold down the ALT key and type 0176, then let go the ALT key. 120 ° For the copyright symbol, use ALT 0169, like this: © Charlotte Have FUN Dear Webby

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2008 - Miami, Florida - UPI A Miami man said firefighters spent about an hour extracting a kitten from the air-conditioning ducts of his home. Marques Bailey said he initially reported a kitten crying loudly in the ducts Saturday, but Broward Sheriff Fire Rescue's suggestion that he attempt to lure the cat out into the open with a saucer of milk failed to yield results. Bailey said he made a second call Monday, and this time three firefighters arrived to rescue the troubled feline. He said the firefighters made several attempts to coax the kitten from its hiding space, including poking at it with a metal rod and calling it audibly, before finally luring the yellow tabby out with a can of tuna. Bailey said he plans to keep the kitten, which emerged from the ducts without any identification. "This cat cost me a lot of money in property damage," he said. "I'm going to name it Trouble." Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Ice Cream Store ice cream inside your freezer rather than on the door where the temperature is more likely to fluctuate. Make sure the lid on your ice cream container is closed tightly, store inside of a plastic bag or wrap them with tin foil. Click Here For More Freezing Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_943.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Spirit of the Horse
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby: Open new browser window 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday April 27
==========================================

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. 
She changes it more often." 
--Oliver Herford 

"The face of a child can say it all, 
especially the mouth part of the face."
--Jack Handey


I parked my car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after me, "Excuse me, Sir, did you want that cart?" "No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing." As I walked into the store, I heard her mumble: "Typical male!"
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If somebody is pestering you for your phone number, or if you want to detour a telemarketer, give them this number: 212-479-7990 It's the New York Rejection Line. For numbers in other states, check out http://www.rejectionline.com/copycat.html
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Florida Senate Thanks to Arturas for this submission. April 26, 2008 - Tallahassee, Florida - Reuters Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state. Republican Sen. Cary Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north. The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version. In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories. Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested. The bill's sponsor doubted it would succeed. "It's probably not going to make it through the process," Baker said on Thursday. "It won't be much of story in a few days." http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEno ... ddlyenough ----------------- People could just call them "Senators" and leave it at that.
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Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Hohenfels, Germany, 04/24/08 Latitude 49.21667 Longitude 11.83333 Altitude 442 m Looks like they don't have any Global Warming either. Mother Nature seems to want to make it perfectly clear who is in charge and who is full of BS.
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From Janine RE: Fresh browser window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN Dear Webby

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'

Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2008 - Indianapolis, Indiana - UPI A blind Indianapolis man says he "kind of went crazy," wrestling a burglary suspect into submission and holding him with a kitchen knife until police arrived. "I just kind of panicked and just kind of went crazy after that," Allan Kieta told The Indianapolis Star. "I've wrestled all my life. My dad's a Marine; he taught me some stuff. You're thinking in your head all this survival stuff." Kieta, who is legally blind, had taken a day off work Monday. He realized something was wrong when he heard his "little poodle-like dog" barking. He told the newspaper he surprised the man in the laundry room and pummeled and kicked him until he was quiet. He dragged him into the kitchen by the belt, found a kitchen knife and then dialed 911 with his left hand, which took him about 20 tries. Police arrested Alvaro Castro, 25, and took him to a detention unit in a hospital. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Ironing Delicate Fabrics Use some sort of a pressing cloth when ironing delicate fabrics and don't use high heat. Lightweight cotton towels work well as a pressing cloth. Just lay the pressing cloth on the item you wish to iron and it will help protect it from the heat. For More Laundry Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html For More Storage Ideas, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_St ... 9_699.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Easy Latin: Veni, Vidi, Vici -- I came, I saw, I conquered Veni, Vidi, Velcro -- I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around Veni, Vidi, Visa -- I Came, I Saw, I went shopping Veni, Vidi, Volvo -- I Came, I Saw, I Drove Veni, Vidi, Venison -- I Came, I Saw, I ran over a deer Veni, Vidi, Vanish -- I Came, I Saw, I Disappeared Veni, Vidi, Fiji -- I Came, I Saw, I ran far away Veni, Vidi, Fuji -- I Came, I Saw, I took a picture Veni, Vidi, Vodka -- I Came, I Saw, I Drank Veni, Vidi, Vomit -- I Came, I Saw, I Drank Too Much Veni, Vidi, Violin -- I Came, I Saw, I made a horrible screeching noise OK, YOU make up some more !

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Blackwing Sketchbook:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby, is Ballmer lying? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday April 26
==========================================

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
--- Tom Robbins

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us.
— Earl Nightingale:


I met Fran and Jane at one of the benches for smokers outside Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at the terminal. They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each naming the other. I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same time to board the same plane.
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Count the "F"s in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. The answer is near the end.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the city of Toronto, Ontario Bayonet the wounded April 25, 2008 - Toronto - UPI The owner of a downtown Toronto bicycle shop, that was destroyed in a February fire, is fuming about a $48,000 demolition bill he got from the city. Gary Duke's shop was among five old three-story buildings destroyed by the fire. He told reporters he received a letter this week from the city, demanding $48,348.94 to cover the demolition contractor's fees. "I paid my taxes and they covered fire trucks and the water. Why do I get charged for demolition?" Duke told the Globe and Mail. "And what demolition was there to do? My building was completely collapsed. The fire did it all for them." The other four property owners were sent demolition bills totaling about $30,000, the report said. Duke's insurance broker, Jeff Smith, said he's never seen a similar situation and called the city's demand "ridiculous." http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-338587-181083
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Remember the tumbleweeds drifting around main street in the old black and white Western movies? I am used to seeing them blowing around in the desert, and even occasionally getting tapped on the back by one when I am concentratig on taking a picture, but it is very rare to see one inside a town. When I saw one yesterday morning drifting towards the entrance of the store in Escalante, Utah, naturally I stopped to take a picture before the wind blew it away.
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Is Ballmer lying? Dear Webby, I read "Ballmer said the customers buying PCs with XP are IT departments who are having trouble shifting old machines to newer technology." Doesn't that prove Ballmer is a baldfaced liar? Are they really trying to kill XP? Randall Dear Randall Yes, Ballmer is deliberately and maliciously lying. Putting Vista onto a perfectly good XP machine would be like knifing all tires on an 18 wheeler, and nobody smart enough to get an IT job, would ever contemplate anything quite THAT stupid. Vista is good enough for people, who have never worked on a proper XP machine, but it is not good enough for the work place. Period. You can get more work done with a 10 year old Pentium and Windows 95. Dell and other manufacturers will be allowed to sell "Vista" computers with XP pre-installed and Vista on a DVD, so that Microsoft can claim it sold certain numbers of Vista systems, just like all the ones the Gates foundation buys to donate as tax deductible donations to worthy causes. It's a Potempkin Village scheme, and we all know it. Claims of certain numbers of Vista systems sold don't make Vista usable in the workplace. Vista is too bloated and can't be un-bloated or fixed by adding utilities. It belongs on the same shelf as DOS4. XP will be around until something better comes out. Have FUN! DearWebby

Subway Announcements: At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers OFF THE TRAIN FIRST! Oh go on then, get run over by Big Bertha, see if I care, I'm going home." "I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits and pieces."

Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2008 - Edmonton, Alberta - Gimundo Have you ever watched a paraplegic stand up and walk around? Visit University of Alberta in Edmonton, and you just might see the unbelievable in action. It's the groundbreaking work of Dr Richard Stein, a spinal cord researcher of forty-five years who has developed a device that delivers an electrical impulse to leg muscles, stimulating them to move. This tiny jolt of current would normally travel down the spinal column – but for people with damaged spines, the Bio-8 Stimulator delivers the impulse directly into the muscle, triggered by the shift in someone's balance associated with walking. One of Dr. Stein's patients, 47-year-old Edgar Jackson, has one paralyzed leg, and has credited the doctor's innovative work with giving him a new life. "Dr. Stein has given me the greatest opportunity. I'll be able to walk my two daughters down the aisle one day." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... Walk_Again

Jim let his dog out to do his business late one night. He watched some TV and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man. He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow-dried it and put its collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door. The next day, he saw his neighbor. "Hi," the neighbor said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah? What's that?" asked Jim, sweating now. "Well, my cat died yesterday, got run over by a truck. What a mess! We buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Weather When Traveling When traveling, make sure to check the weather in the city you are traveling from as well as the city you are traveling to and any connecting cities. It will give you an idea of whether or not you may have delays and what to expect when you get there. Click Here For More Travel Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Travel_1179.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!" ================ Quiz answer: 3: most common answer. 4: rarely found answer 5: You probably use DSL or Cable to get onto the net 6: You probably have a domain with your name or nickname. 6 is correct. Don't forget to count the thre "OF"s. ================
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Dear Webby, how safe is online shopping? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday April 25
Wear sometghing red to show your support for the troops!

==========================================

In literature as in love, we are astonished 
at what is chosen by others.
--- Andre Maurois


Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her grew quickly. The man in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously, as Jill continued trying to get the car to started again. Finally, Jill got out of her car and approached the man in the car behind her. She smiled and said to him, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and play hysterical honker for you."
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The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head, "No .... Do-it-yourself," she explained, "with concrete blocks."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two Orlando, Florida teenagers April 3, 2008 - Orlando, Florida - UPI Two Florida teenagers have been charged with aggravated assault for allegedly pointing a look-alike toy sniper rifle at a truck driver. Police in Orlando came to the scene Tuesday night after a trucker reported seeing someone pointing a gun at a Federal Express driver. Police found the two teens, aged 18 and 19, at a nearby motel. The "rifle," actually an air gun, was found in a search of their motel room. The teenagers said they did not deliberately point the toy at anyone, that they were just examining it. "It's a toy but it looks real," an officer said. "I can guarantee you that if they would have pointed it at one of the deputies, those would not have hesitated to use deadly force." http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-327473-110024
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he's here and watching you!
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From Sharon RE: Online Shopping Dear Webby How safe is it really to buy on-line? Some people say it's perfectly safe, others have all kinds of horror stories. What's the real scoop? Dear Sharon Usually the people with the wackiest horror stories don't even have a computer, but read and believe the National Enquirer. As long as you don't buy from a spammer, you are perfectly safe. A spammer, who already cheats and deceives you with a trick subject line, will continue in the same direction and will rip you off. If you find a site through a major search engine like Google or a recommendation from a friend, you are quite safe. Here are some rules to go by: If a site does not have a secure shopping cart or secure order form, watch out ! Never use your credit card when the padlock at the bottom of the browser is not closed. If you can't pay by credit card or by PayPal, go somewhere else, where you can. If the "business" uses an AOL address, forget them. There may be a tiny percentage of legitimate businesses among all the crooks that use AOL addresses, but that percentage is too small to gamble on it. The same applies to cs, ho'mail and yahoo addresses. Any crook can get one of those disposable addresses, and dump it as soon as they have your money. Legitimate businesses have email addresses based on their business domain. Please note that this applies to USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and Japan only. In Europe an the Mid-East trust only air lines, rail lines, and hotels that belong to respectable chains. Any other business, especially if they are not approved by VISA or Mastercard, is usually bad news and it's best if you don't deal with them on-line. If you follow these rules, you won't get ripped off and will be able to enjoy a lot of bargains. Airlines, hotels, car rental agencies and many chain stores give you a very noticeable discount, if you order over the web. However, if you plan to register at a hotel, try to find the site of the hotel. You usually pay $10 - $15 less per night than if you order through a booking agency. Have FUN Dear Webby

A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "I'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

Deeli's Kudos April 24, 2008 - Atlanta, Georgia - UPI Atlanta area residents have raised at least $7,000 for six Chinese immigrants who gave up their reward money for capturing a New Zealand murder suspect. Instead of keeping the $10,000 reward, the six said they wanted to give the money to the orphaned daughter of the fugitive wanted for murdering his wife, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Wednesday. At a small ceremony conducted inside the Chamblee, Ga. police station, the Mandarin-speaking chefs and deliverymen learned that area residents had taken up a collection to assemble a second reward. An Atlanta businessman, Lever Stewart, put down a $500 deposit on an apartment after learning that two of the men had nowhere to live. The men were called heroes for ending a five-month search for fugitive Nai Yin Xue by luring him to an apartment and using two belts, a pair of pants and a blanket to tie him up. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-337743-188023

Jim let his dog out to do his business late one night. He watched some TV and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man. He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow-dried it and put its collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door. The next day, he saw his neighbor. "Hi," the neighbor said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah? What's that?" asked Jim, sweating now. "Well, my cat died yesterday, got run over by a truck.ü What a mess! We buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing CDs and DVDs Always store CDs and DVDs in a case or protective sleeve. If you label them with a marker, be sure to use a non solvent-based felt-tip permanent marker. Store in a relative humidity of 20% to 50% and between 40 and 70 degrees F and in an upright position to avoid having them bend over time. For More Storage Ideas, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_St ... 9_699.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT: Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian, white baby boy! "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I tink we will name him Sum-Ting Wong."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Comedy Shows 50's - 70's
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Deaar Webby, is there a future for Vista? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday April 24

". . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice." --Laurence J. Peter "Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example." --Duc de La Rochefoucald
Two five-year-olds were on a picnic with their respective families. They both wandered into the nearby woods to answer a call of nature. The little girl squatted and did the necessary. On her way back to the picnic grounds, she ran across the little boy who was relieving himself against a tree. "Wow" she said with rounded eyes, "what a handy gadget to take on a picnic!".
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Thanks to Kati for this one: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it today." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" --------------------- Will the neighbor lady, who never has a headache, get the cuddling for a while ?
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric L. Syverson, 39, of Eagan and Joseph A. Schultz, 20, of Bloomington, Minnesota April 23, 2008 - Rosemount, Minnesota - UPI Two Minnesota men were charged with trying to blackmail 24 teachers with threats of ruining their reputations with pornography allegations, police said. Eric L. Syverson, 39, of Eagan and Joseph A. Schultz, 20, of Bloomington were being held in the Dakota County jail under bail pending May 5 hearings, the Rosemount Town Pages reported. The county attorney's office said the pair targeted teachers and coaches in Rosemount, Apple Valley, Burnsville and Eagan with anonymous letters vowing to ruin their careers by making it appear they were in possession of pornography or having students come forward with claims they had been offered money for naked photos. Each letter demanded $1,000 in $100 bills to be left in a plastic bag in a park, the newspaper said. County Attorney James Backstrom said there was no truth to any of the threatened claims. Syverson was arrested Saturday after police allegedly watched him drive to four parks identified as drop-off points. Schultz allegedly drove Syverson around to deliver the letters. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Old and new Navajo bridge near Marble Canyon, AZ
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gene Re: Is there a future for Vista? Dear Webby, ...is there a future for Vista? I mean, is there a point in learning to cope with that piece of crap, or should we just treat it like we did DOS 4 and ignore it like a bean fart in polite company? Will Micro$oft come out with Windows 8 soon enough, or should we get comfortable with Linux? And lastly, everybody, except the paid shills at the computer magazines that get Millions of dollars worth of Micro$oft ads, pronounces Vista as an unusable waste of time. Is Microsoft only listening to the phonies at those magazines, or do they simply not give a hoot about the captive audience or has Bill gates gone senile? What can we do to keep XP available until something usable arrives to replace vista? Gene Dear Gene Keep in mind that Bill Gates retired and slammed the door, when the first attempt at Vista didn't work and they had to start all over again. He is probably using XP or Linux. Vista seems to be a clone of an early 90's Mac OS: Cutesy, klutzy, slow, unpredictable and unreliable. It may be good enough for newbies who have never been on a properly set up XP or Linux machine, but it is not good enough for work. I definitely won't pay staff for wasting time with Vista. From a purely "Get the work done" point of view, Linux and Open Office beat Vista by a country mile. For running programs that don't have a Linux version yet, you can use "Wine" or similar programs that will open a Windows shell inside of Linux. However, that is mostly for games. All the better work related programs do have Linux versions, just like they also have Mac versions. Vista is a dead end. It is too bloated and hogging way too many resoures. You can't run as many programs simultaneously as you are used to with XP or Linux. That alone knocks it out of the workplace. And that part of it can not be fixed by adding utilities. Your time is invested much better in getting comfortable with Linux. Have FUN Dear Webby

A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you put a lid on the pan there'll be less dust and dirt in the food". The cook, very annoyed, replied, "You mind your own business. Your duty is to defend the homeland!" "That's right," said the soldier. "But my duty is to defend it, not to eat it...."

Deeli's Kudos April 22, 2008 - Eugene, Oregon - AP A pet store owner is calling a police sergeant a hero for saving her from the coils of a 12-foot Burmese python doing its best to turn her into a meal. Teresa Rossiter had reached into a cage Thursday to show the huge snake to a customer when it bit her right hand and coiled around her left arm to throw her to the floor. A friend who happened to be at the store kept the snake off her neck and body while police were called. And when Sgt. Ryan Nelson rushed into the store, he was ready to kill the snake with his knife. But Rossiter asked him to spare the expensive python, so Nelson put on gloves and pried open the snake's mouth to free Rossiter's hand. Two responders from the Eugene Fire Department helped unwrap the snake, which was eventually returned to its cage. Rossiter called Nelson a hero. "He was the bravest guy ever. He went way above and beyond the call of duty,'' she told The Oregonian. Rossiter suffered dozens of puncture wounds, but she, the sergeant and the python were fine. http://www.happynews.com/news/4222008/o ... -owner.htm

The battery in John's beat-up car had died because he left the lights on overnight. He was in a hurry to get to work on time so he ran into the house to get his wife to give him a hand to start the car. John told her to get into the second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push the VW fast enough to start it. John pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. John sat there fuming, wondering what could be taking her so long. A minute passed by and then he heard her thundering down the alley and soon saw her in the rearview mirror, coming at him at about 40 MPH.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Water for Emergencies Water should be stored in containers that are made specifically for water storage, or in glass and plastic bottles that were previously used for beverages, thoroughly cleaned. Never use containers that were previously used for pesticides, chemicals, solvents, anti-freeze, oils, etc. Click Here For More Emergency Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Emergency_1945.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the B fell off a few years ago. That reminds me of the way some people give directions. One time I was looking for the 'Outback' steak house in Nashville. This really friendly lady told me: "Stay on this heah road till yo get to where that construction trailer used to be, then you got to tern right there," (I already had learned that their 'tern right there' means turn left, they say 'go rite' when they mean turn to the right), "then stay on thaat fer six or seven blocks, but doun' count dead ends that don' go nowhere, then go rite till you get to where they're gonna build a Wallmart nex year maybe, ....", and so on. Well, I got so thoroughly lost, that I backtracked to the hotel, turned on my laptop and looked it up on Google Maps.

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Animatronics
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby: How do I retrieve a window that is out of range? 
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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday April 23

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." --- Franklin P. Jones
One morning, while shaving, George started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
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Dwayne, Dianne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately Dianne pleaded,in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott Leshner, 18,of Boca Raton, Florida April 22, 2008 - Boca Raton, Florida - UPI An 18-year-old was arrested after calling police to report three men robbed him under the pretense of buying marijuana, Boca Raton, Fla., authorities said. Scott Leshner, 18, was charged with possession of hallucinogenic mushrooms, a felony, and possession of marijuana, a misdemeanor, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Leshner told police three men who told him they wanted to purchase marijuana entered his home and robbed him and three of his friends. He said the armed men forced him to open his safe, and then got away with $2,000, an Apple laptop and an unknown amount of marijuana. Police said Leshner's friends were also robbed and one suffered minor injuries from pistol-whipping. Leshner was released on his own recognizance. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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No Global Warming in Colorado. This was south of Silverton. Large size
From the Tech Support Pits: From Rosa Re: Window out of moving range Dear Webby I, or some silly ad, somehow moved a window too high up. Now I can't see or grab the top edge to pull it farther down or close it. I know if I close it with ALT F4, the next one will open in the same, out of range position. Is there a trick to rescue that window and move it farther down? Thanks, Rosa Dear Rosa Hold down ALT and click the space bar type M Hold down SHIFT and use the DOWN arrow to move the window down. Each time you hit the keyboard down arrow, the window outline moves down a tiny little bit. When it is down far enough, hit Enter and it jumps to the position outlined. Have FUN Dear Webby

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out: "Do you really think I'd give you that information for a lousy fifty cents?"

Deeli's Kudos April 22, 2008 - Orlando, Florida - AP Walt Disney World seems to have worked its magic on a Massachusetts couple who accidentally threw away three platinum and diamond wedding rings. While tidying up their villa as they prepared to leave the park late last week, Paul Campanale dumped a cardboard bowl, not knowing the container inside it held his wife Karen's engagement, wedding and five-year-anniversary rings. Park employees warned the couple from Worcester, Mass., that recovering the jewelry was all but impossible. So on Friday, the Campanales and their two children loaded onto a Magical Express bus and headed to the airport. Back at the Wilderness Lodge resort, executive housekeeper Drew Weaver realized that trash from the Campanales' villa hadn't reached the industrial-size compactor yet. He and seven other volunteers donned protective clothing, emptied a parking lot bin and waded through bag after bag of rubbish to find the rings. And they did. Paul Campanale, 37, a chemist, received the good news on his cell phone and Weaver met the family to deliver the rings. Karen Campanale, 35, a teacher, said she was shocked by the find. http://www.happynews.com/news/4222008/d ... ay-odd.htm

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please do not eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you, however, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads 'No.' After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others: "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals shouted, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything! But noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Online Banking Use online banking to cut down on the amount of paperwork you have to organize. Also, most credit card companies allow you to pay bills online and you can have them send you electronic statements by email. You can save them digitally and print when you need them. For More Tips On Banking, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_447.html Click Here For More Moving Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One workman asks another, "How long have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Virtual Earth:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version







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Dear Webby: Icon for showing clean desktop 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday April 22

Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes
Judi was in England with a tour group. They had to cross the road so they used the 'Pelican crossing' [pedestrain crossing]. When the light goes to 'Walk' they emit a high pitched beeping. Judi asked what the noise was. Her guide replied it was for the blind. Judi responded, 'Oh, we don't allow blind drivers in the States!'
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Returning home from work, this lady in Baltimore, a town famous for their excellent K-9 police squads, had been shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasted the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND cop!"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April 21, 2008 - London, UK - UPI Lord Justice Ward of London's Appeal Court said Robert Beton had an "arguable" case that a Kingston County Court judge may have erred in siding with neighbor Colin Streets in Beton's suit, which claimed Streets had erected a fence that cut off two small triangles of Beton's garden that totaled slightly less than one quarter of an acre. The county judge ruled the property belonged to Streets due to the legal principle of adverse possession because the fence had been up for several years before Beton issued a challenge. However, Beton claimed he did not see the fence until 2005 because it had been blocked by rhododendron bushes that died that year. Ward ruled to allow the appeal, but he chided the neighbors, both millionaires, for allowing the dispute, which has cost the neighbors a total of $600,000, to continue. "Just how much is this stupid piece of land worth? What you are arguing over is a few rhododendron bushes," he said. "You're all potty." Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Some people told me to get off the rocks. OK, here I am UNDER a rock near Marble Canyon, Arizona
From the Tech Support Pits: From Don Re: Icon for desktop Dear Webby, I have Windows XP Home Edition with service pack 1. Can you please tell me where in Win XP I might find the icon for the desk top, or how I may create one? I have searched every where in the computer that i can think of. but am unable to find a desk top icon or how to create one, thanks for your help. Don Dear Don The Windows Key plus D works the best for that. However, if you have an ancient keyboard without the Windows key, you can make a taskbar icon for it. Make a text file with notepad or wordpad and save it into c:\windows\ as Show Desktop.scf Paste this into that file: __________________ [Shell] Command=2 IconFile=explorer.exe,3 [Taskbar] Command=ToggleDesktop ___________________ Then make a shortcut to that file, drag that shortcut to the desktop drag it from the desktop to the task bar next to the START button. That taskbar icon will then work the same as if you had hit the Windows key and "D". Have FUN! Dear Webby

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I haven't got a clue," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. When he heard that, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and Revernd Hibbert next door shot himself."

Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2008 - US - Reuters Harry Lee McGinnis, better known as "The Hawk," has trekked through all 50 states, criss-crossed the Continent, and explored the depths of Asia, Africa, and South America, carrying only a 100-pound backpack and a large steel-tipped walking staff, walking everywhere he goes. You might imagine this intrepid adventurer as a young Indiana Jones type, but picture Indy's dad instead: McGinnis is 80 years old. His age hasn't slowed him down for a second, though. For the last 18 years, this World War II veteran and former Methodist minister has committed his life to exploring the world by foot, taking other means of transportation only under extremely rare circumstances. To date, he's made his way through 66 different countries and making new friends in every country he passes through. His feet have logged about 80,000 miles so far, and he plans to explore Central America and Mexico before finally concluding his round-the-world journey in Texas. Until then, he's writing updates about his international adventures on his website, Walk of the Hawk. He doesn't expect to be finished with his journey until 2010 or 2012, but he's still got plenty of plans for the rest of his days: When he finally heads home, he'll write a book about his decades of wandering the planet. And after that? "I want to play tennis at 100," though he concedes "it might have to be doubles." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... _the_World

Answering machine message: "This is the microwave. The answering machine eloped with the VCR and is currently not available. I can't record your message, but if you want me to boil your brain, please hold your phone close to your head."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Floors Clean When Moving In To prevent footprints in your new home, create walkways with drop cloths where the movers will be walking. If you have a lot of people helping with you move, have half the people unload the truck and half the people distribute the items throughout the house with clean shoes or no shoes. Click Here For More Moving Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec. When he awoke, he saw the French highway signs and said in a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep."
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Dear Webby: Modify pictures before resizing 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday April 21

"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it--they're the ones falling down the most!" --Jay Leno "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL." -- Lynn Lavner
An embarrassed young woman was farting uncontrollably when her date was due to arrive. She was an accomplished pianist so to drown the noise she offered the play the Storm Scene from the William Tell Overture. She had concluded the piece when she felt another fart attack on its way and quickly asked him if he would like another tune on the piano. "Well if it is that storm scene again," he said, "can you leave out the bit where the lightning strikes the outhouse?
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After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's me. And don't call the last one. That's my receptionist. She's a silly bimbo. You can do a lot better than that!"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the speaker of the British House of Commons April 3, 2008 - London, UK - UPI The speaker of the British House of Commons has admitted that taxpayers paid the taxi fare when his wife went shopping. The Parliamentary Commissioner of Standards, the official in charge of looking into allegations of corruption in Parliament, is to investigate Michael Martin. Mary Martin reportedly spent 4,000 pounds ($8,000) on taxis to and from the supermarket. Mike Wallace of the alliance said the speaker should stand aside until the investigation is completed, calling it inappropriate for someone who appears to have taken advantage of the parliamentary expense system to be in charge of it. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-327558-522072
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Near Page, Arizona
From the Tech Support Pits: From Rollie RE: Modify pictures before resizing? Dear Webby, Is it better to sharpen, lighten, darken etc on a digital picture before or after resizing it to the size needed? Thanks Rollie Dear Rollie It's best to do any picture tuning before you reduce the size. All those changes get blended in and look more natural after the resizing operation. The resizing should be the final operation before saving it under a new name. I usually don't save during any tuning, just in case I need an original version. Have FUN! Dear Webby

A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached, some planetarium directors in Southern California sent out warnings to the community about the eclipse. They warned people not to look directly into the sun. The planetarium received an indignant letter from a local resident. She said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.

Deeli's Kudos February 24, 2007 - Sacramento, California - UPI A California state senator presented a bill to require a law enforcement officer on board all cruise ships leaving the state's ports, officials said. If the bill is passed, California would have the toughest regulations in the $35.7 billion business, which became the center of public and congressional scrutiny after multiple reported cases of sexual assault, missing people and overboard passengers. "We've got air marshals on planes with a couple hundred passengers, but we've got no one on board the cruise ships with 10 times the number of passengers," said Sen. Joe Simitian, author of the bill. Simitian reportedly said the ship's security officers, which the ship's hire themselves, have a "conflict of interest between public regulations goals of the employer and the public safety requirements of the passenger. " http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-307704-698552

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- have you never seen a little boy before?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Cut Too Much at Once Don't mow more than 1/3 of the grass height in one mowing. If you need to cut really long grass, mow it over a couple of days, cutting 1/3rd of the grass on each day. If your grass is growing too quickly, try scaling back how much you water and fertilize it. For More Lawn Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Gardening_Lawn_497_521.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A walker exploring the delights of the Isle of Mull lost his way in the mist and wandered around aimlessly for three days. At last, the mist rose slightly and he saw a man in the distance. "Help" he cried and stumbled towards the man who waited for him to reach him. "Whit's the matter" said the local man. "I'm lost and I've been wandering around for three days" replied the hiker. "Is there a reward out for ye, dae ye think?" asked the local. The walker said he didn't think there would be. "In that case, you're still lost" said the local and faded into the mist.

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: The Science Channel
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby: List of hotels / motels that allow pets 



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Good Morning, Text-Start !
It's Sunday April 20

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! --- Friedrich Nietzsche
A couple went to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to take a leak in the meanest way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful fountain with foliage, and nobody seemed to be watching, so he decided to relieve himself right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act was well under way. He searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked. "Miss it?" she said, "You were in it!"
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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April 19, 2008 - New York - UPI Experts said blueprints for New York's planned Freedom Tower that were found in a garbage can contained details that could have been useful to terrorists. The experts said the two sets of 150-page blueprints, which were marked "Secure Document -- Confidential," contained floor-by-floor schematics that, in the wrong hands, could be used to plan a major attack against the building. "Any time a sensitive document is unintentionally left behind, it's a treasure trove for a potential adversary," said Robert Strang, chief executive of security firm Investigative Management Group. "It enables them to look for vulnerabilities in design that they can target -- an age-old military tactic." The two sets of blueprints, one of which is missing 14 pages, were found in a city garbage can by a homeless man in the SoHo neighborhood of New York's Manhattan borough. "They were right on top, and the garbage truck came along 10 minutes later," said Mike Fleming, the man who found the blueprints. "I was outraged, because this is priceless and it could get into the wrong hands."
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Dear Webby, Thought that you might like to see how the humming birds are faring in the latest snow to hit Oregon. The picture is taken at the 1200-foot level in the Oregon coast range. The Picture was taken this morning. Goldie
From the Tech Support Pits: >From Sharon Re: List of motels that allow pets Dear Weby, Is there a site that lists pet friendly motels along the way? I do not relish the thought of sleeping in the car with my dog while everyone else is inside sleeping in a bed. I'd sure appreciate your or your readers help on this problem. Thank you, Sharon Dear Sharon As long a it's not a yappy Chihuahua or similar dog that might annoy all the other guests, most motels nowadays allow small dogs and working dogs. Larger dogs are a bit of a problem. Even if the motel has a "Pets Welcome" sign, if the dogs drool, slobber, shed, or look like they might scare somebody into running through the new rose hedge, then the Vacancy sign suddenly changes to NO Vacancy until after you have gone away. If you are not sure how your dog will behave during the inspection in the motel or hotel lobby, then it would be a good idea to talk to your vet and discuss medication. Keeping those basic rules in mind, here is a site that lists pet friendly hotels and motels by state: http://www.petswelcome.com/milkbone/sitemapframe.html They also list B&B's and cabins. If enough people find this link useful, I'll put it permanently into the left side margin. Have FUN Dear Webby

A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looked through his stock, and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique," he said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" "I'll pay by check, but, of course, the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, then I'll fetch the ring on Monday". Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You crook, you lied. There's no money in that account." "I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?

Deeli's Kudos

An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he had not been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." "I'm just here to feed the alligators."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Recycled Containers Recycled plastic food containers or old tupperware containers are great for making sand castles or playing in the bathtub. They also can usually be stored within one another so they don't take up much space when they are no longer being used for toys. Click Here For More Tips On Reusing http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html For More Plumbing Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_614.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Dwayne, Dianne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately Dianne pleaded,in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: History of the Printed Tablecloth
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: List of file names 



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Good Morning, Text-Start !
It's Saturday April 19

There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that there Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
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A wise, old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. People were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling instead of the weather channel."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Genesee County Road Commission April 18, 2008 - Flint, Michigan - UPI Police in Flint, Mich., said two officers were billed a total $170.62 by the county for damaging a sign during a car chase. The Genesee County Road Commission billed Officers Joseph Hall and Clarence Banks $56.87 each after a guardrail and "signal ahead" sign were run over by the officers while pursing a stolen vehicle last November, WNEM-TV in Flint reported Tuesday. Keith Speer, president of the Flint Police Officers Association, said the billing was unprecedented during his 22 years with the organization. "I don't know who's going to pay for it, but our officers are not going to pay for it," Speer said. "It's ridiculous." The suspect who allegedly drove the stolen car has also been billed $56.87 for the damaged property. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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From the Tech Support Pits: >From Kate RE: List of file names Dear Webby I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't want dates or sizes, just the file names. How is that done? Kate Dear Kate The easiest way is to use DOS. First make a directory (folder) where you keep those lists. Then click on START, RUN and type: cmd That opens a DOS window. Type "cd" (without the quotes), then a space, then the name of the folder that you want listed. Hit Enter. The prompt should now be showing the same as what you saw in the top address bar in Windows Explorer. Now type "dir /b > dirlist.txt" instead of dirlist.txt you can use any file name you want, but make the extension ".txt" Now you can use any word processor or even a spreadsheet program to open "dirlist.txt", format it the way you want it, and print it. You can even paste the contents of "dirlist.txt" into programs for making CD and DVD case inserts. Have FUN Dear Webby

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie...... So I rented him a tuxedo!"

Deeli's Kudos April 15, 2008 - Victoria, British Columbia - UPI Three Canadian veterinarians have ponied up $2.2 million for an island off British Columbia as a vacation resort for rescued dogs. All three animal doctors are from the province of Alberta, and have been involved in helping "special needs" dogs, including four dogs who survived Hurricane Katrina, which devastated the U.S. Gulf Coast in 2005. The three bought Rabbit Island from a California man in January, and have since made it a human and canine retreat. Dr. Pilar Gosselin and fellow vets Dave Brace and Dave Szentimrey plan to allow only a few dogs to stay to run free on the island, which has a lodge, four cabins, a bathhouse, a desalination plant and equipment to produce solar and wind power. "I've committed myself to making the dogs' lives better," Gosselin said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Donna was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner knew her, and remembered that she still had not paid a bill from half a year ago, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So Donna went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, Rachel, came home and said, "What are you doing?" Donna told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Rachel rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fix Leaky Toilets A leaky toilet can waste 50 gallons or more per day. To test to see your toilet is leaking, put drops of food coloring into the toilet tank. Wait 15 minutes. If color has made it's way to the bowl, you have a leak. Try replacing the flush valve in the tank to correct the problem. For More Plumbing Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_614.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One morning, while shaving, George started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Free Puzzle Games with Shockwave
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Camera Cable or Chip Reader 

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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday April 18
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!


Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc,it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't get that silly jar open!"
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From school: Why did your mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a thief in Dortmund, Germany Thanks to Arturas for this submission. April 16, 2008 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters Three days after stealing a rare collection of coins, a thief in Germany took them to the bank for safe keeping and delivered them into the hands of the man he had robbed. "I don't think the thief was expecting that," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Dortmund on Tuesday. Soon after the thief made the deposit, a bank worker handling the coins recognized them as the set worth some 50,000 euros ($80,000) that had been stolen from his house. Police tracked down the 36-year-old suspect and arrested him, securing a haul of other stolen goods in the process.
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Guess who? Sure was windy up there!
From the Tech Support Pits: From Francisca RE: Camera cable or Chip Reader ? Dear Webby What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends has one type, another friend has the other type, and of course each claims their version is better. What is YOUR recommendation ? Francisca Dear Francisca The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable. (Keep the camera-to-TV cable) If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer via a very special cable and program, you are totally out of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a canoe trip and don't have the computer along. If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy, and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets that you get on some belts. A memory chip reader is $12 - $15 and reads 8MB to 4GB memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips, and I also use them instead of floppies. When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them right on the chip. Also, keep in mind that slow transfer via cable drains the 6 Volt camera battery. It tries to charge up the 5 Volt USB port! Have FUN Dear Webby

"Information Superhighway" is really an acronym for 'Interactive Network For Organizing, Retrieving, Manipulating, Accessing And Transferring Information On National Systems, Unleashing Practically Every Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying Hackers, Wiseacres. And Yahoos'." -- Keven Kwaku

Deeli's Kudos April 17, 2008 - Dallas, Texas - UPI A Dallas judge Wednesday ordered the release of a prison inmate who served 23 years in prison before being cleared by DNA testing. The Innocence Project said in a written statement that its client, Thomas McGowan, would likely walk out of prison sometime Thursday, making him the 13th person in Dallas County to be proven innocent through DNA testing. "Thomas McGowan was in his mid-20s when he was arrested, and he'll turn 50 later this year," said Innocence Project Co-Director Barry Scheck. McGowan was actually convicted twice in a 1980 burglary and rape in Richardson and was sentenced to two life terms based on witness identification. The victim tentatively identified McGowan as her attacker in a photo lineup; however she was prevented from expressing doubts about her certainty in her statements. The officer forced the victim into certainty when she wasn't sure whether Mr. McGowan was the perpetrator. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

It is sometimes easy to forget how easily email technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago, for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on her computer screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband P.S. Sure is hot down here.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Caring For Leather Jackets Don't leave leather items in the back of your car on sunny days. Heat and sunlight can dry and bleach out the leather. Hairspray or perfume can damage the finish. If it gets wet, let it dry at room temperature. Store with room to breathe. Click Here For More Clothing Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Clothing_Tips_1220_1222.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Q: What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice? A: A Religious Movement.

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Smithsonian Institute:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: I want uncluttered favorites 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday April 17

Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. -- Hector Berlioz yeah, happens to writers too.
A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
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It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award for taking himself out of the gene pool, goes to a man in Puyallup, Washington Blew his top April 16, 2008 - Puyallup, Washington - UPI An agitated Washington man allegedly making homemade bombs blew himself up Tuesday, authorities said. The unidentified man blasted the roof off his Puyallup, Wash., home, causing the house to burn to the ground, KOMO-TV in Seattle reported. Pierce County Sheriff spokesman Ed Troyer said a couple called 911 after finding their 26-year-old roommate angry and handling explosives. The station reported that when police arrived the man ran upstairs with a duffel bag full of explosives. Troyer said the man began playing music loudly and deputies backed away from the house. Moments later the top floor of the house exploded, Troyer said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Have you ever wondered, while flying over the US, what those big red deserts the size of European or African countries look like from close up? This picture is half a panorama, with the width compressed four times as much as the height. Behind me it looked about the same. A full panorama with equal compression for width and height would have given you a picture just as wide, but only as high as a text line. You can see it in 3000 x 600 pixels at this link: 3000 x 600 Depending on yur connection speed, that may take a while to load!
From the Tech Support Pits: From Cindy Re: Uncluttered Favorites Dear Webby, The "favorites" in my browser are too difficult to organize and I want to make shortcuts to them in little clusters on the desktop. Thanks, Cindy Dear Cindy Reduce your browser window so that the area, where you want to park the short-cut icons, is visible. Then go to a site, and drag the little icon in the left of the browser address bar onto that empty spot on the desktop. You can rename the icon text to something shorter and more memorable. Once things get too cluttered, make some folders in some directory on the drive, NOT on the desktop! Then make desktop shortcuts to those folders, give the shortcuts distinctive icons, and drag the icons from those clusters into those folders. One of the reasons for not using desktop folders for that, is that it is difficult to change the icons of desktop folders, and a stack of identical lookng manila folders does not help for organizing things. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to BillieBob in Bama: How can you tell Leroy is at a Cock fight? He's the one who brought the duck. How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight? He's the one who bets on the duck. How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight? The duck wins.

Deeli's Kudos April 15, 2008 - Jackson, Michigan - AP Jackson County Undersheriff Tom Finco said the department was paying back Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Tim Moore as ''a goodwill gesture'' ''Moore said it wasn't necessary, he understood, but we sent him a check anyway,'' Finco said. Moore, 24, who had just returned from Iraq, was driving on Interstate 94 on April 2 when he saw an ambulance parked on the side. He pulled over and comforted a woman whose fiance had suffered a heart attack inside the ambulance. When the rescuers learned of Moore's medical training, they asked if he would help administer CPR. He left his truck on the exit ramp and got in. In the meantime, Moore's truck, parked partly over the white line marking the side of the road, was deemed a travel hazard and towed. Moore, now stationed at Camp Lejeune, N.C., said people have been sending checks to his parents after word spread about the towing bill, but he plans to donate that money to veterans' charities. http://www.happynews.com/news/4152008/s ... g-bill.htm

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Adam?", God replies. "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I am just not happy" "Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens. "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely." "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a "woman" for you." "What's a "woman", Lord?" "This "woman" will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want, even before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice. "Sounds great!" Adam says with a grin on his face. "She will be, but this is going to cost you." "Oh, how much will this "woman" cost me Lord?", Adam replies. "She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle." Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib? The rest, of course, is history.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recommended Supplies for a Basic Emergency Kit: Be sure to have an emergency kit in your house. It should include: Water and food for 3 days, a battery-powered radio, flashlight and extra batteries, a First Aid kit, basic tools for shelter and repair. Also include any unique family needs such as prescription medications, baby needs and documents. Get More Information on Emergency Preparation Here http://www.ready.gov/america/index.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I am, the minute I asked you to marry me!"

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Lynx and Bobcat Photos:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Find the speed of a computer 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday April 16

Youth would be an ideal state, if it came a little later in life. --- Herbert Henry Asquith
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
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A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk, figuring that there might be some free celebrating included with the proceedings, looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher..I shure am!" The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I haven't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I haven't, Rev!" The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to four sweet toothed burglars inCincinnati, Ohio April 15, 2008 - Cincinnati, Ohio - UPI Cincinnati police said they tracked down four suspects in a candy store burglary by following a trail of discarded wrappers. Police said they followed the trail from Peter Minges and Sons Candy Shop, where $400 worth of candy was stolen just before 1 a.m. Thursday, to a nearby area where they arrested four suspects, two men and two women. Three of the suspects have not yet been named by police, but one of the women, Christine Ruther, was charged with child endangerment after she allegedly brought her 7-month-old daughter along for the heist. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Start of the new Hoover Dam bridge
From the Tech Support Pits: From Lana Re: Find the speed of a computer Dear Webby, I am considering buying a computer from an aquaintance. How can I quickly tell what speed and type it is? Lana Dear Lana Just hold down the Windows key and hit the Pause/Break key. It may take a second or two, but then Windows will show you all you need to know, even which version of Service Pack patch has been installed. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!"

Deeli's Kudos April 15, 2008 - Toronto, Canada - Gimundo Jim Wallenberg, a violinist with the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, was devastated when he left his beloved violin behind on a streetcar last week. The instrument is valued at $77,000, but despite its price, Wallenberg is more concerned with its heavy emotional value to him: The violin had been custom-made for his mother, more than 36 years ago. He quickly went to work plastering ads with a reward notice all over the city. Luckily, a local animal rescue worker, Wayne Wulff, saw one of his signs – Wulff had recently spotted the violin in a homeless woman's shopping cart. He found her again and negotiated an exchange: For the violin, he would give her $35 and the ring he was wearing. It may not seem like the fairest trade, especially since Wulff received a $1,000 reward for returning the instrument – but Wulff said that he plans to share the reward money (in the form of grocery vouchers) with the homeless woman. And Wallenberg, whose wife is expecting twins any day, is thrilled at the violin's safe return: "I have my first baby back and two on the way," he said. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... Instrument

At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use for Mesh Onion Bags Use those mesh onion bags in the dishwasher to keep small items from getting thrown about. This works great for washing baby bottle caps and nipples. Click Here For Other Tips On Reusing Items http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Livin ... _2814.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I am, the minute I asked you to marry me!"
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Dear Webby: Mailer Daemon returns 

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Good Morning,  !
Tuesday April 15

It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself. -- Bailey
The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that was powered by water."
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Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and said, "Canoe?"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April 14, 2008 - Royal Palm Beach, Florida - UPI Officials in a Florida community say they are willing to foreclose on two brothers' house for not paying fines for illegally keeping a big truck there. Christopher and Jeff George of Royal Palm Beach lost their appeal of the $10,000 in fines the village levied against them over the course of two years for keeping a Ford F-650 truck, the second-largest pick-up truck made by Ford, in the residential neighborhood. The brothers argued unsuccessfully in court that the village was violating their constitutional rights by not allowing them to keep the truck at home. The Palm Beach County Circuit Court sided with the village, and Lynda Walker, the village's code enforcement supervisor, said Royal Palm Beach may foreclose on the $348,000 house to recover the unpaid fines. Jeff George, 27, said he plans a further appeal, but will pay the fines before losing the house. "I'm going to appeal it again," he said. "It's not going to end until I win. I'm in the right." Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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From the Tech Support Pits: From Ted Re: Mailer Daemon returns Dear Webby, I have had a few mailer daemon returns like this one I just received. Sorry. Your message could not be delivered to: joshua croft,DCSD Mail (The name was not found at the remote site. Check that the name has been entered correctly.) The problem is I never sent a message to the delivery addresses on these Daemon returns. Could spyware be using my computer to send messages that I am unaware of. If so what can I do about it? Ted Dear Ted There is a lot of spam coming out of comcast, so much in fact that the blacklists flag it as bad. Part of that is probably due to @comcast.net addresses being available to spammers, who forge them as return addresses. When spam, that has your address forged as the return address, bounces back from a full or no longer working address, it of course bounces to you. Just make a filter with MailWasher to trash mail that has your return or sender address but not your machine ID. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!"

Deeli's Kudos April 14, 2008 - Fort Worth, Texas - Star Telegram Johnny Bryant spent 30 years working at supermarkets in Fort Worth, Texas. Even though the mentally-challenged man was illiterate and couldn't do math, he became very skilled at stocking the grocery stores' shelves and his years of hard work and careful saving added up to a lot of money: By 2002, the 58-year-old had saved more than $151,000 to put towards a well-earned retirement. That year, when the Winn-Dixie store where Bryant worked shut down, he had to decide what to do with his life savings. Unfortunately, it seems he trusted the wrong person to help him make that decision: A local woman named Cynthia Sue Hardee convinced Bryant to invest his money into starting a business with her. Hardee misappropriated more than $75,000 of Bryant's money. Hardee was sentenced to five years in prison, and fined $10,000 for her abuse of Bryant's bank account. Sadly, the courtroom couldn't do much to help Bryant, who is now $40,000 in debt to the IRS for cashing his retirement plan early. But the case's jurors made a surprising decision: They would help Bryant themselves by creating a donation fund for him. Most contributed the $166 fee they'd received for serving on the jury; some gave even more. If you're interested in contributing to the fund, visit this page for details on how to donate: http://www.star-telegram.com/804/story/578063.html

A large, well-established Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant cedar over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert ?" asked the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Yes, I suppose, that's what they call it now!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape, Leave the name uncovered, if you like. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. Click Here For More Parenting Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Gen ... _3674.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . did he mention anything about including matches in the package?"
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Dear Webby: Name Servers 

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Good Morning,  !
Monday,  April 14, 2008

It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important. -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
It seems that every time our piano tuner, John, comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings. I agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I don't really think about it until the the piano sounds off-key. Last time he came over, I was on the defensive. I said, "You know, if you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist, I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely fashion." Without hesitating, he replied, "Fine. From now on, when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me."
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At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christian Torres, 21 of New York April 13, 2008 - Muhlenberg, Pennsylvania - UPI A New York City police officer is facing charges he robbed two banks in Manhattan and attempting to hold up one in Pennsylvania, officials said. Pennsylvania police arrested Christian Torres, 21, Thursday shortly after he allegedly stole $113,000 from Sovereign Bank in Muhlenberg, Pa., the New York Daily News reported Saturday. "He was a model cadet, as described to me. There is nothing that could have predicted this shocking series of crimes," NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly said. Torres is accused of robbing the same Sovereign Bank in New York on two separate occasions, once June 8, 2007, when police said he made off with $16,305, and another time Nov. 16 when he allegedly stole $102,000. Torres, who police say wore fashionable suits and hats in his robberies, told investigators he spent the stolen money on an engagement ring for his fiancée and a 2008 Toyota Scion for himself. He is being held in the Berks County jail. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-332409-451001
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Somebody is going to be in BIG trouble in about TWO seconds!
From the Tech Support Pits: From Dag Re: Name Servers Dear Webby, Does it make any difference where the name servers for a domain are located? I am wondering why it takes so long before my site starts loading up in browsers. Dag Dear Dag Yes, it makes a huge difference! If your name server is for example located in China or at some rural ISP in Kentucky, when somebody tries to jump to your site from a link, then their browser first has to inquire from your domain registration about where your name servers are. Then the name servers have to be queried for the road map to your pages. Only then can the request for the pages be sent to wherever they happen to be hosted. We found that we get the fastest results by locating our name servers in the big hub that connects the transatlantic cables and the North American continent. With Millions of visitors to 50,000 postcard sites, the location of the name servers and the page servers makes a very noticeable difference. Have FUN! DearWebby

An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's named for Morris Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check."

Deeli's Kudos April 11, 2008 - Toronto, Canada - Gimundo When it comes to generosity, no one can say Canada falls short. Two years ago, Regina, Saskatchewan, nabbed a Guinness World Record for collecting the most food donations within a single day: a hefty 100,244 kilograms (just over 221,000 pounds). But now, that astonishing world record has been beaten by their countrymen in Toronto: On Tuesday, April 10th, volunteers for the Greater Toronto Apartment Association worked tirelessly through the night, knocking on more than 160,000 apartment doors to solicit donations, and hauling off 119,068 kilograms (over 262,500 pounds) of canned and packaged food, which has been donated to the Toronto Daily Bread Food Bank. Gail Nyberg, the Food Bank's director, was shocked and thrilled by the city's overwhelming contribution. "I'm just so proud of those tenants," "It's just an incredible feat. Thank you, Greater Toronto." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... Food_Drive

David, a big city CPA, moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later David returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week later David returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies, "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said David with a sigh, "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heel Marks on the Floor First, the best way to prevent heel marks is to have a "no shoes" policy in your house. If you have a heel mark you need to remove, just rub it with a pencil eraser. A "magic" eraser works well for removing heel marks on floors or baseboards. For More Floor Cleaning Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Floors_296_314.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The newlywed couple had been up for a while before they met up in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with John, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Jill, "breakfast will be ready." "Great!" John said, "What are we having for breakfast?" And Jill said, "Toast and juice."

Thanks to Cookie for this Bonus Link: Supercook recipe search engine that finds recipes you can make with the ingredients you have at home
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Virus Hoax and Moron Bait 



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Sunday,  April 13, 2008


Reality is something women rise above. --- Liza Minnelli Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. --- Dave Barry
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
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The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk tourist on Groote Eylandt, Australia Too drunk for a croc April 9, 2008 Alyangula, Australia - UPI A man who took a drunken swim with the crocodiles on an island off northern Australia could face a criminal charge. Officers say the swimmer not only acted with extreme stupidity but hurled abuse at the constable who rescued him from a circling crocodile. The man was with his brother at a beach on Alyangula on Groote Eylandt when he swam to a baited crocodile trap. His brother watched him from shore, calling to him to "stop being stupid." Constable Sean Stanley went after the daredevil and brought him back to the beach. A witness said the only thanks Stanley got was the drunk yelling at him and asking him why he was shooting at the crocodile. The man was expelled from Groote Eylandt and fined $200 Australian ($184), but police said they think he needs a bigger lesson. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Monk or Monkey?
Medical Advice (A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. (D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than British or Americans. (E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lillemor Re: Virus alert hoax Dear Webby Thanks for terrific daily mail. You are the All Knowing of computer business. You'd know if there's any validity to the "Virus Alert" mentioned here. Hopefully it's a hoax. Thanks, Lillemor Please read: Big Virus coming Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes (Please read: Big Virus coming Hi All, I checked with Norton Anti-Virus, and they are gearing up for this virus! I checked Snopes (URL above:), and it is for real!! Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP. PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!), and it is for real!! Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP. PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS! Blah, blah, blah, bleat Dear Lillemor Just old moron-bait. CNN, Microsoft, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. don't announce or classify viruses. Norton and McAfee don't use AOLers to tell people about viruses via nuisance forwards. They have automatic updates for those who paid for a subscription, and they really don't give a hoot about those who did not pay. Whenever you see those names mentioned, it's moron-bait. Somebody is trying to collect the most gullible people on the net, so that they can sell fake Rolexes to them. Snopes refers to the long extinct "From a family member" fake postcard notices. Those are long gone. If you are worried about postcards, simply avoid those that ask you to download something. The real postcards have both your name and the name of the sender, and they don't require any downloads. They simply show as a page. Have FUN! DearWebby

"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Torquay, Australia - UPI An orphaned baby kangaroo rescued by a dog near Torquay, Australia, has been taken to a sanctuary, the dog's owner says. Leonie Allan said she was walking her pointer, Rex, Easter Sunday when they came across the carcass of the mother kangaroo, which was killed by a car near Bells Beach,. "Later, I was working out the front and he started pointing," Allan said. "I was worried he'd found a snake and called him back, but when he returned he dropped the joey at my feet." Allan said Rex, a 10-year-old dog, was careful not to injure or upset the 4 1/2-month-old kangaroo. "The joey was snuggling up to him, jumping up to him and Rex was sniffing and licking him -- it was quite cute," she said. Jirrahlinga Wildlife Sanctuary Director Tehree Gordon praised Rex for his protective behavior toward the joey, named Rex Jr. in honor of his savior. Gordon said Rex Jr. will be released into the wild when he is about 18 months old. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the darnn things!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Theatre Rewards Cards Love to go to the movies? Sign up for a theater rewards card, if one is offered. Over time, you accrue points for every ticket you purchase. When you get enough points you get a free drink, popcorn, or a free ticket. You may also be on a mailing list for coupons and other special offers. Click Here For More Movie Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Entertainment ... _2441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, the Rev wins the dog."

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Spiral Gallery
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: What to look for in a new computer 



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Good Morning,  !

Saturday,  April 11, 2008


Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. --- George Santayana
A world convention of brewers was held in Amsterdam. The presidents of the world's greatest breweries were on hand. As usual, a convention dinner brought them together on the first evening. When asked what they would like to drink, the CEO of Miller said, "A Miller Lite, please." The president of Anheuser Busch said, "I'll have a Michelob." Adolph Coors requested a Coors. And so it went, around the long table, each president requesting a brew from his own company. Finally, the waiter came to Arthur Guinness. "And you, sir?" he queried. "I'll have a coke," was Guinness's reply. The waiter was shocked. "A COKE?!? Wouldn't you rather have a Guinness, sir?" Arthur looked at the waiter, then gestured at his companions. "If they're not drinking beer, then neither am I.".
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My friend Tim took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned toward marriage. Tim had been saving for an engagement ring - but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a computer. Mary was understanding, telling Tim they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Tim suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned. But after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Tim then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a computer?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two teenagers in orlando, Florida Equal Split April 3, 2008 - Orlando, Florida - UPI Two Florida teenagers have been charged with aggravated assault for allegedly pointing a look-alike toy sniper rifle at a truck driver. Police in Orlando came to the scene Tuesday night after a trucker reported seeing someone pointing a gun at a Federal Express driver. Police found the two teens, aged 18 and 19, at a nearby motel. The "rifle," actually an air gun, was found in a search of their motel room. The teenagers said they did not deliberately point the rifle at anyone, that they were just examining it. "It's a toy but it looks real," an officer said. "I can guarantee you that if they would have pointed it at one of the deputies, they would not have hesitated to use deadly force." http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-327473-110024
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Thanks to Sandiei for this picture: First Birds of Paradise of the year
A touching funeral was in progress and the preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa. We might be at the wrong funeral!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: New Computer Choice Dear Webby I appreciate your candid advice regarding computers and programs and I've heeded many of them. Mailwasher and Diskkeeper are the best. I now need information regarding purchase of a new computer and maybe even a printer. I'm a retiree that does consulting for customers to supplement income. I use a computer daily for a few hours at a time, sometimes up to 6-8 hours at a stretch. I am not a gamer and don't play computer games. I have Cox Cable as my internet provider there is no other choice except dial up in this area. My intentions are to purchase from a local computer store that has an excellent reputation but I don't need all the bells and whistles that they would like to sell. I want something with a lot of memory and is fast. I do store PDF files and some lengthy word and excel documents. I'm thinking about a new monitor also with a larger sceen. I do not speak the computer language so keep your explanation easy to understand. Color printing is a must. Also a sound / speakers that have good quality. I working from an old (1998) HP Pravillion that has had memory updated about 3 years ago. Thank you Frank Dear Frank If you are going to buy from a local store, then you are pretty well limited to what they have to offer. I used to build and sell computers until the mid 90's. Nowadays I buy them from DELL, with 3 year, next day on-site repair/replace warranty. Since I don't use computers for games, I buy the cheapest XP machines they have and if necessary add a second GB of RAM. Everything else is OK as is. You can configure one on-line at DELL, print out the quote and take that along to the local store and ask them to match it. Make sure it is an XP machine with all drivers and ready to use. If I got to spend two hours configuring it, I charge shop rate for that and tack it onto the quote, before comparing different quotes. For printers, Staples advertised a Canon MultiFunction color laser for under $200 for this and next week. If your local Staples has the same deal, go for it. According to the reviews, it prints not quite glossy brochure quality, but more than good enough for home and office use, since you probably use the fairly cheap paper anyway. At the same time, you might want to also get whatever you need to either network the old and the new machine, or a portable USB hard drive case to match the drive in the old machine. You won't be able to use the drive from the old machine inside the new one, but if it is in a $12 USB drive case, you can plug it into a USB slot. That makes transferring data a lot easier. Then you can simply drag your MailWasher and email program and any other data from the USB drive to the drive in the new machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister Shirley." "So?" "So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Afghanistan - Gimundo On February 9th, Matt Croucher, a Lance Corporal with the British Armed Forces, was traveling with his troop through Afghanistan at dawn, searching for a compound where they believed members of the Taliban were making bombs. It was dark, and the soldiers could barely see a single step in front of their own feet. Suddenly, Croucher stepped into a tripwire, which pulled the pin out of a grenade that had been hidden in the ground. "Grenade!" Croucher shouted, to warn his fellow troops. But as the other soldiers dove for cover, Croucher didn't run away: Instead, to protect his fellow men, he lay his body down on top of the grenade just before it exploded. "My reaction was, 'My God this can't be real'," Croucher's patrol commander, Adam Lesley, said. "Croucher had simply lain back and used his day sack to blunt the force of the explosion.." When the grenade went off, Croucher's backpack was flung about 30 feet in the air, but remarkably, the brave soldier himself was virtually uninjured, though the incident had left him in a temporary state of shock. Croucher's fellow soldiers were astounded by his bravery under such extreme circumstances, and he's now being considered for Britain's highest honor, the Victoria Cross, which has only been awarded to nine servicemen since World War II. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... low_Troops

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Firewood Tips: Buying Firewood It's always best to shop for firewood before you need it. Sometimes you can find great deals in the spring and summer. Look for classified ads, bulletin boards and neighborhood signs. Firewood is generally sold in cords, face cords, ricks or truckloads. For More Frugal Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _1307.html Click Here For More Pet Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Pets_1078.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Medical Myths Busted
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: How to switch to an optical mouse 



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Good Morning,  !

Friday,  April 11, 2008
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!


The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. --- Socratex One fool can ask more questions in a minute than twelve wise men can answer in an hour. --- Nikolai Lenin
Like a lot of married men, John got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from his girlfriend. he promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. He took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert.
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The young lady asked her betrothed, "What did my father say when you asked permission to marry me?" "Not a lot, really." replied the man. "He threw his arms around me, started sobbing, and kept saying, 'Oh, thank you. Thank you'..."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Branko Zivkov, 76, from Serbia Equal Split April 9 2008 - Belgrade, Serbia - Reuters A Serb farmer used a grinding machine to cut in half his farm tools and machines to comply with a court ruling that he must share all his property with his ex-wife. Branko Zivkov, 76, said he had been ready to give his wife Vukadinka her equal share of everything earned during their 45-year marriage, but was furious at being asked to give away half his farming equipment. Instead, he bought a grinder and cut in two all his tools, including large items such as cattle scales, a harrow and a sowing machine. "I still haven't decided how to split the cow," he said. "She should just say what she wants - the part with the horns or the part with the tail." http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEno ... EnoughNews
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Thanks to Deeli for this picture: Urban Beauty
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY..." Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..." At this point, Johnny's mother cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, so suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell the rest tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car in the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and said, "...then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rae Re: New mouse Dear Webby What is involved withswitching from a ball type mouse to one of the optical or laser mice? Rae Dear Rae Optical and Laser mice come with s set-up CD. Run that CD first. Just stick it in, it will auto-start, even if your old mouse is dead or unplugged. Once you have run the set-up CD, plug the new mouse in. It will work instantly. Some of them put an icon on your desktop for mouse settings, others you have to access through the Control Panel. There you can set what the new and extra buttons should do, for example make the thumb button on the left side COPY, the pinky button on the right side PASTE, pushing down on the wheel jump a page BACK, pushing the wheel sideways to scroll a page sideways. There are lots of other choices. I just used the ones I chose as an example. Have FUN! DearWebby

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gates he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants. Clinton will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell. Three doors appear before Clinton. The first door opens. Behind it is Newt Gingrich. He's being forced to pound big rocks into little rocks. Upon seeing Newt in this predicament, Clinton cringes and says, "That looks too much like work! I don't think this is for me!" The second door opens. Behind it is Ted Kennedy. He is bobbing for automobile parts in a large pool of dirty water. Grimacing at the filthy scene, Clinton says, "I don't think so." The third door opens and behind it is Kenneth Starr. He's standing in his birthday suit with his hands on his hips. Kneeling before him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. "I can handle that!" Clinton proclaims enthusiastically. "Very well," says Satan. "Monica, you may go."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Salem, New Brunswick - Gimundo A mere five months ago, Charlotte and Jay Allen were living in a trailer in Salem, New Brunswick. It wasn't the prettiest of living situations, to put it lightly: The trailer was crawling with ants, the floors were warped, and the roof leaked every time it rained. "I had to put pots all down the hallway to catch the water, you stood in the living room [and] you could feel the breeze blowing in your shirt. It was pretty bad," Charlotte said. The couple didn't stand much chance at fixing the damage on their own: Jay is paralyzed from the waist down, and Charlotte has spinal scoliosis. They didn't have money to pay for the necessary repairs either – the couple was barely getting by on their monthly disability payments. But when a neighbor, Pat Carr, saw the condition the couple was living in, he became concerned and rallied the community into action. He and a group of 24 volunteers from his church raised $12,000 for building materials, and got to work creating a wheelchair-accessible new home for the Allen's. Within five months, the volunteers had built a brand-new 1,000-square foot home for the struggling couple. "To go from living in the trailer that was falling down around us to be able to say, 'Wow this is mine,' was just an overwhelming feeling," said Jay. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... _Community

Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a ' fling ' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers, " I'm pregnant ! " Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby in without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What shall I do with yours ?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pet ID Tags Make sure all of your pets have an ID tag with your current contact information on it, just in case. Update the microchip information too. The chances of getting a lost pet back are much greater with a current tage. You get can get inexpensive pet tags made at all pet store chains. Click Here For More Pet Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Pets_1078.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT A local homemade bread company was investigated by the Department of Health because the owner would not provide the recipe for his bread. When asked by the local reporters why the recipe was a secret, he replied, "Because its classified, and on a kneed the dough basis only."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Doe Network
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Cookies and Autocomplete 



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Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  April 10, 2008

Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them. --- Dr. Martin Henry Fischer
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
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A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says,"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 38 year old male in Reading, Pennsylvania April 9, 2009 - Reading, Pennsylvania - Reading Eagle A Reading man was upgraded to fair condition in Reading Hospital on Saturday, and now been released a day after he was involved in a bizarre crash on the West Shore Bypass. West Reading police said the 38-year-old man was heading west at about 55 mph when he climbed out the driver’s side window of his minivan, stood on the roof and rode the vehicle until it crashed and catapulted him into woods along the highway Friday at 3 p.m. The man then took off his clothes and ran naked for several hundred yards down the highway, all while bleeding from a foot-long gash in his side, witnesses said. Police used three separate jolts from a Taser as well as pepper spray in an attempt to subdue the man. They eventually tackled him and hauled him to the hospital, police said. Police have not charged him while they are waiting for the results of toxicology tests taken at the hospital Friday. He did not know how long it will take to get the test results. The Reading Eagle is withholding his name. http://www.readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=87141 http://www.readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=87457
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Enlightening Experience
An elderly man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to a sports car at a red light. The older man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young many replies, "A 1997 Turbo Z123DX. They cost $500,000." "That's a lot of money!", says the older man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure," replies the owner. So, the older man leans up against the car, pokes his head in the window, and looks around. Then, leaning back on his moped, the older man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right." Just then, the light changes, so the young man decides to show the older man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down a little to see what it could be, and suddenly, whhooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!" "What on earth could be going faster than my Turbo Z123DX?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whooosshh! It goes by again! And, it almost looked like the older man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Turbo Z123DX?" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooosh, Ka-Bbblaamm! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops the car, jumps out, and it's the older man! Of course, the moped and the older man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the moaning older man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?" The older man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your mirror!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Charles Re: Cookies and Passwords Dear Webby, Every time I delete the cookies, all my passwords are gone. Is there a way around that ? Charles Dear Charles That is a safety feature that allows you to clean the passwords from the auto-complete if you have to go away from your machine or go on holidays. Just get yourself a little prayer book and write your passwords into that. Burglars or anybody trying to break into your machine are unlikely to even look at your little prayer book. For really high security leave off the last two letters from every password. By having the first part, you will easily enough remember the last two letters. Personally, I use RoboForm. You can password protect the entire collection of sign-ins and log-ons with one password, and take the password protection off when you return. Have FUN! DearWebby






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Dear Webby: Auto-Play PPS 



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Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  April 9, 2008

Wealth is not a material gain, but a state of mind. — Jerry Gillies:
Mary's Special Brownies Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr. "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away. FROSTING Mix the following in saucepan: 1 cup sugar 1 oz unsweetened chocolate 1/4 cup margarine Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't intend to make a political statement by throwing a burning teddybear into the mayor's convertible.. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline. Move smoking brownies from oven to the shower.
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One night at an economy motel, John ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, he awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, John let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6 !", he complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million- dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in THIS motel!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April 8, 2008 - London - UPI A drunken British clothing tycoon faces possible jail time after crashing his Mercedes into a tree and fleeing the scene, police said. William Bianchi, 38, wasn't hard to find. He was dressed as a Roman gladiator with black body paint and singed hair from his burning car, police said. A police officer said he looked like Wyle E. Coyote of the Road Runner cartoons. Bianchi had been attending his daughter's fancy dress party. Police found him at a London hospital, chatting with a friend dressed as Superman. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-328222-424768
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Thanks to Sue for this picture of her Purple Datura:
The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation. Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down. "I'll have your job for this!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the unruffled officer as he wrote out the citation. "The hours are long, the pay is low, and you got to put up with the biggest idjits in town."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: PowerPoint Slide Show Dear Webby, You told us to dl power point viewer if we could not see pps's. Well I did, but it does not play a video, but shows me the pictures in slides one by one off to the left side. Is there a way to make it view like it is intended? Thanks, Jai Dear Jai Hit F5 for Auto-Play Have FUN! Dear Webby

A Jewish family is considering putting their father in a nursing home. All the Jewish facilities are too expensive, so they have to put him in a Catholic home. After a few weeks in the Catholic facility they come to visit him. "How do you like it here?" asks the grandson. "It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa. "We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you." "Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile. "There's a musician here -- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! And there's a physician here -- 90 years old. He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still call him 'Doctor'! And me, I haven't had sex for 30 years and they still call me "The F***** Jew"!

Deeli's Kudos April 8, 2008 - Calgary, Alberta, Canada - Gimundo When a teenage boy took a very rare 1991 Nissan Skyline GT-R from Shaun Ironside's Calgary auto shop, Ironside contacted the police, but he also posted a thread on Beyond.ca, an online auto discussion forum with 46,000 active members. Ironside's post began to attract attention from the online car community, and not only because the car was a rare. The thief's left hand was missing two fingers. He may have been missing a few brain cells as well. According to several forum members, the thief had been challenging fellow Calgary drivers to drag race with him. After forum moderator James Lynch spotted the culprit in the stolen car and snapped a photo of him waving his distinctive hand, fellow forum members quickly unearthed the thief's Facebook page, and posted his name (Jamie Jacobsen) and home address on the message board. Two days after the theft, a forum member named Punit Patel decided to scope out Jacobsen's house. "The car was parked there. I thought he was the dumbest criminal in the world." Patel blocked in the car with his own, and immediately notified the police. The car is now safely back in Ironside's possession, and though Jacobsen caused some damage, Ironside did manage to recoup $265 by selling the now-infamous thief's baseball cap left in the Nissan on eBay. To view the arrest go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1T-kZ7pk1NU

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood taken to test his choloesteral. The blonde and very buxuom nurse went about taking the blood sample from his finger. After finishing she looked around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She couldn't find one so she looked innocently at the guy, took his finger and sucked it. The guy was so pleased he asked, "Do you think I could have a urine test done?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Fine Print with Your Statement When banks make a change to your account or fee schedule, they usually include a small pamphlet with your bank and credit card statements, usually on thin paper in extremely small print. Make sure you read it, even if you need to get a magnifying glass. Click Here For More Banking Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_447.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be making love to my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Alaska, one Frame at a time
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Low cost alternative to Styrofoam peanuts 



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Good Morning,  !
Tuesday,  April 8, 2008

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. -- Lisa Kirk
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"
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A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of gas and the anesthetic nurse had to bean him with the fire extinguisher."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 23 year old burglar in Burjassot, Spain Living Dead April 3, 2008 - Burjassot, Spain A burglar who broke into a funeral home tried to fool police by playing dead, but two things gave him away. First, he breathed. Plus, he wore grungy clothes rather than the Sunday best of those settling in for eternal rest. Police and the Crespo Funeral Home said Wednesday they had no idea what the 23-year-old Spanish man was trying to steal in the March 17 break-in at Burjassot, a small town just outside Valencia. Neighbors living nearby alerted police when they heard the front door of the business being forced open in the middle of the night. Police officers arrived with the owner, and eventually found the suspect lying on a table in a glassed-in chamber used for viewings of deceased people during wakes. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/405103.html
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sarah Re: Low cost alternative to styrofoam beads Dear Webby, is there a light weight, low cost alternative to styrofoam beads for packing fragile goods? Thanks Sarah Dear Sarah There sure is. Plastic shopping bags. Just get your friends and relatives to save them for you. The people who get your parcels will also appreciate that. I don't know any grown-ups who like those styrofoam beads. Have FUN! Dear Webby

"I see you bought a new car. What's the make?" "A Perndle." "I've never heard of a Perndle before." "Me neither, but that's what it says, right over the steering wheel: P-R-N-D-L."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Thunder Bay, Ontario - Gimundo If you've ever seen a hockey player smile, you know that Canada's national sport can be a dangerous one, full of bumps, bruises, and broken teeth. But the athletes in the two-day tournament held in Thunder Bay, Ontario shouldn't worry so much about it: If anyone needs a doctor, there's no need to call 911. 520 physicians are ready and waiting to treat the injury - even if they've got to do it in ice skates. This year's "Docs on Ice" tournament marks the 26th anniversary of the charity event, which was launched as a memorial to Dr. Peter Howes, a hockey-loving physician from Petersborough, Ontario. Each year, the tournament is held in a different part of Ontario, and local charities receive a share of the money raised: This year's lucky beneficiaries are the P.R.O. Kids of Thunder Bay and the Thunder Bay Regional Health Sciences Foundation. "It's a fun day for the doctors as it allows them to catch up on friendships, enjoy Canada's national sport and most importantly, contribute their time towards a meaningful cause," Dr. Andrew Affleck, the organization's co-chair, said. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... or_Charity

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Loading a Moving Truck Make sure to stack breakable items towards the top and put the items that you want to get to first in the truck last. Load items as tightly as possible to prevent boxes from shifting while driving. Tie large furniture or appliances to the wall to prevent slipping. Click Here For More Moving Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Mo ... 9_693.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Reflections of the Canadian Arctic
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Clipping from Real Player 



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Good Morning,  !
Monday,  April 7, 2008

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar
The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know what it means." "I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start."
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A young boy attended his first Sunday School class and he was relating the events of the day to his mother. "We sang a song about a bear," he proudly said. "You sang a song about a bear?" His mother asked. "Yes," he piped up. "We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed." His mother blinked. "You sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed?" she asked, wondering what this had to do with Sunday School. "Uh-huh. We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed and his name was Gladly," her son explained. His mother pressed. "What do you mean?" With a big smile, he said, "We sang 'Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear.'"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Smithsonian Institute Edukashion, anyone? April 3, 2008 - Allegan, Michigan - AP Is fifth-grader Kenton Stufflebeam smarter than the Smithsonian? On a winter break trip with his family to the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History, the 11-year-old southwestern Michigan boy noticed that a notation, in bold lettering, mistakenly identified the Precambrian as an era. Since it opened in 1981, millions of people have paraded past the museum's Tower of Time, a display involving prehistoric time. Kenton was the first to point out the error. Kevin Stufflebeam took his son to the museum's information desk to report Kenton's concern on a comment form. Last week, the boy received a letter from the museum acknowledging that his observation was ''spot on.'' Excited as he was to receive the correspondence from museum officials, he couldn't help but point out that it was addressed to Kenton Slufflebeam ... in "Allegany." http://www.happynews.com/news/432008/5t ... sonian.htm
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Thanks to Mike for this picture: Dear Webby Here are a few pictures of a hummingbird nest & baby ... about 1-1/2 inches in diameter. Taken on the beach at Princess Cays, Eleuthera Island, Bahamas, on 3/26/08.
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ---------------- Sounds like Scare North! In winter THE meal was frozen potato salad, an ice cold turkey sandwich, that had been toasted the day before, and lukewarm coffee in a cup so cold that you gladly used your gloves to hold it. The only hot items were the two parka clad stewardesses.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Clip from realPlayer Dear Webby, Is there a way to print screens from programs running is RealPlayer? Thnaks in advance for you help. Carol Dear Carol In MediaPlayer you simply hit the PrintScreen key, jump to your graphics program, hit CTRL V and it pastes the clip into a new picture. Possibly that will work with RealPlayer too. Have FUN! DearWebby

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind speed and direction. The longer he takes, the more irritated his partner becomes. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball." The golfer says, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," his partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - McComb, Mississippi - Happy News Thanks to firefighter Jared Brister, Claws the cat has an extra life. The firefighter used cardiopulmonary resuscitation for 5 minutes after the cat passed out due to smoke inhalation. Barbara Simmons had already lost one cat, Booger, during the Monday morning house fire and thought for sure Claws was a goner. ''He was not breathing,'' Brister said. But Brister used the regulator from his air tank to feed the cat oxygen and started doing chest compressions with fellow firefighter Donnie Hodges assisting. After a stay at the animal hospital, Claws, still smelling of smoke, was returned to Simmons on Tuesday. ''I can't thank him enough,'' Simmons said of Brister. ''It's one thing to lose your possessions, but my animals are like a member of my family.'' http://www.happynews.com/news/432008/fi ... at-cpr.htm

The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Socks Together This won't completely solve the problem of unmatched socks, but certainly will help. Train your children to fold their socks together before they put them in the laundry basket. Also, it helps to always buy them the same brand, color, and style socks. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way..... The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wildflower Image Gallery
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Vacuum versus compressed air cleaning 



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Good Morning,  !
Sunday,  April 6, 2008

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. --- Bertold Brecht He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. --- Harold Wilson and Governments
Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
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On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favourite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself. "How romantic!" she thought. Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess.Her harried husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway. "Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long -- I had to refill the pepper shaker." "Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?" "More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gaetano and Stefania Bastianelli in Spoleto, Italy Haunted House April 3, 2008 - Spoleto, Italy - UPI An Italian couple says they plan to sue the previous owners of their home in Spoleto for not warning them it is haunted. Gaetano and Stefania Bastianelli said they thought they were getting a bargain when they paid $190,000 for the house, but they were not made aware of its strange history, including a visit from Perugia University's paranormal research team and an exorcism in the 1970s. "The ghosts started their haunting on the first night," said Bastianelli, 57. Bastianelli said the alleged spirits also caused his lawnmower and his wife's car to spontaneously burst into flames and the sound of rattling chains has frightened the couple's 10-year-old daughter. He said he has hired a lawyer to sue the previous owner. "We have a good case," said the lawyer, Antonio Francesconi. "Under article 1490 of Italian law, you have to tell buyers if there is anything wrong. I think that the previous owners will settle out of court." Copyright 2008 by United Press International ---------------- If the ghosts were real, they could make a mint renting the house to researchers and tourists!
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Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
A drunk stumbled into a doctor's office and said, "Shey, doc, you gotta help me put my dick back on." "Where is it?" "Right here in my pocket." "That's a cigar." "Oh my God, doc! I smoked my dick!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Re: Compressed Air versus vacuum Dear Webby, Ever since my hubby took one of those government computer courses, he insists on using those expensive and silly compressed air cans to "clean" everything in, on or near computers, instead of using a vacuum cleaner. Is there any reason for doing that with compressed air? Susan Dear Susan No, there is absolutely no reason for blowing dirt and dust from one place to another or for blowing lose parts into inaccessible locations. It's just that puppy dogs and many men are scared of vacuum cleaners, so they come up with wimpy excuses for not using them. If you are worried about sucking up loose screws and springs, just use a clean filter bag. I have used a bag-pipe style ShopVac with shoulder strap since the days of the PC/XT (mid 80's), including a few years as mobile computer troubleshooter in the 90's, and never had any mishaps, except for occasionally tripping over the hose while running up narrow stairways, while carrying a repaired computer under the left arm, tool case in the right hand, vacuum on the back; and getting bumped by cute ladies coming down the stairs. But even that was fun. Just leave the computer plugged in but turned off. That way it is grounded and does not build up static. Use the vacuum cleaner's crevice tool and touch the bare metal at the back of computer as the first thing to clean, and you won't have any static related accidents. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves. One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities." Saint Peter says, "Enter." The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people." Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven. The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care." Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too." As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days..."

Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2008 - Torquay, Australia - UPI An orphaned baby kangaroo rescued by a dog near Torquay, Australia, has been taken to a sanctuary, the dog's owner says. Leonie Allan said she was walking her pointer, Rex, Easter Sunday when they came across the carcass of the mother kangaroo, which was killed by a car near Bells Beach,. "Later, I was working out the front and he started pointing," Allan said. "I was worried he'd found a snake and called him back, but when he returned he dropped the joey at my feet." Allan said Rex, a 10-year-old dog, was careful not to injure or upset the 4 1/2-month-old kangaroo. "The joey was snuggling up to him, jumping up to him and Rex was sniffing and licking him -- it was quite cute," she said. Jirrahlinga Wildlife Sanctuary Director Tehree Gordon praised Rex for his protective behavior toward the joey, named Rex Jr. in honor of his savior. Gordon said Rex Jr. will be released into the wild when he is about 18 months old. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Cardboard Boxes Use small and large cardboard boxes to help your child make a playhouse, fort, or space ship. You can easily cut windows, doors and then use pens or paint to decorate the outside. Make the project outside on a nice day to avoid messes indoors. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education pro- gram at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. Someone printed out the whole DVD?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ellis Hollow
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dar Webby: Do digital cameras need a UV filter? 



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Saturday,  April 5, 2008

How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? --- Charles De Gaulle, in "Les Mots du General", 1962 Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn
Thanks to Boris for this story: I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my six year old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if you ever caught a pizza out in the woods."
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Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cory Brown, 26,, New York What? No Business card ? April 4, 2008 - New York - UPI New York police said they were hunting for a suspected bank robber who shed his clothes outside one bank he allegedly targeted and left his wallet in his pants. Police said Cory Brown, 26, became the prime suspect in robberies at a Wachovia bank and a Commerce Bank after his clothes were found piled next to a tree near the Commerce location with his wallet still in the pants pocket, the New York Post reported Tuesday. The wallet contained Brown's birth certificate and Social Security card. Police said about $3,900 was taken from the two banks. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Heron in Florida Worried about their less than exciting sex life, Wendy sent her husband, James, to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis. And, to Wendy's joy, everything got much better. However, Wendy could not help but notice that each night, just before their lovemaking, James would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented Wendy until finally, one night, she followed James. There, in front of the mirror, Wendy found James applying this therapeutic technique: "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harold Re: UV filter for digital cameras Dear Webby I read that digital cameras don't need UV filters even on bright days. Is that true? Harold Dear Harold While it is true that you probably won't be able to tell the difference in the resulting picture, with a good camera I still recommend UV filters. They are cheap, since they are just plain window glass, but they protect your expensive lens from dust and scratches. Since the UV filter is just regular glass, you can clean it with anything without worrying about delicate lens coatings. That alone is worth the $3 - $5 for the UV filter. If you have a UV filter from a previous camera, and it is a bit too big, you can just glue it to the lens barrel. Regular crazy-glue applied with a tooth pick works fine. Have FUN! DearWebby

At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "If you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight."

Deeli's Kudos March 27, 2008 - Koto-Ri, North Korea - UPI The remains of a missing U.S. soldier killed in the Korean War near the Chosin Resevoir in North Korea have been identified, the military said Wednesday. The remains of Army Sgt. Harry J. Laurence of Cleveland are being returned to his family for burial with full military honors April 9 in Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, the Defense Department said. Laurence was a member of the 7th Infantry Division's L Company, 31st Infantry Regiment, which fought overwhelming Chinese forces near the Chosin Reservoir from Nov. 27-Dec. 11, 1950, before retreating south. Laurence was one of many soldiers reported missing in action. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-324074-250515

Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mommy's chair!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Your Air Conditioner and Fans Ready Get your air conditioner annual maintenance done before hot weather hits. Much of it can be done yourself and will increase the output of the air conditioner and save you money on electricity. Clean the fan blades and cages and check your manual for recommendations. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Linda reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cats and Dogs gallery
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, How much free hard drive space is needed? 



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Friday,  April 4, 2008
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!


I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. --- Rita Mae Brown The greatest inspiration is often born of desperation. --- Comer Cotrell
During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money". By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she was going. "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them." "Oh you youngsters !" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of that dang thing with your bare hands just as I did your Grandfather's."
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Marvin was in the hospital. He was an old man. Anyway, there was this young nurse. Everytime she came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice "And how are we doing this morning?!" One day, Marvin had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it. "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Marvin snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco Pinko Boneheads! The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decided Thursday that a website may be found liable for violating fair housing laws by matching roommates according to gender, sexual orientation and parenthood. The judges said a site called Roommates.com may be brought to trial for possibly violating anti-discrimination laws because it requires users to provide information about gender, sexual orientation and whether they have children, and then uses the information to screen people for matches. The boneheads totally failed to realize that room mates cohabit a residence and therefore require the same preference matching criteria as dating sites. Non-discriminatory real estate laws are totally inappropriate, when it comes to sharing a bathroom or kitchen. Disallowing preference matching will just lead to a lot of frustration, since there will always be a face to face meeting before moving in. Sites like roommates.com are valuable because their preference matching eliminates a lot of frustration and bad feelings.
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Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Weary Traveler
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mia Re: Hard drive space Dear Webby Both of my computers, desktop and laptop, are getting very slow, even though I religiously refrained from installing any utilities or any frivolous programs. The only stuff that is not work related spreadsheets and docs is music and pictrues. I have at lest 2 GB space left on both machines, but a friend told me that the drives are too full. What do you suggest? Mia Dear Mia 2 GB of free space is not enough elbow room for Windows. Get yourself a 250 GB hard drive for $50 -$60, and a USB drive enclosure for $10 - $30. That gives you a portable file server that you can plug into either of your computers. It will show up as an extra hard drive, and when your computers are networked, you can access it from either machine. Then you can move all your music and graphics to that drive and use the original drives just for the operating system. Have FUN! DearWebby

Knock, knock! who's there? Boo Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke!

Deeli's Kudos March 31, 2008 - Fort Worth, Texas - UPI A Fort Worth, Texas, man is relieved after the city changed its potbellied pig ordinance, allowing him to keep his two beloved 90-pound piggy pets. Dino Taylor was worried he would be forced to either get rid of his potbellies, Lilly and Honey, or relocate to a different city because of a Fort Worth law restricting residence from owning swine weighing more than 60 pounds, The Dallas Morning News reported Wednesday. The City Council voted Tuesday to allow potbellies weighing as much as 120 pounds to live in the city. "We take the negative connotations that pigs are dirty and they mess stuff up and that you eat them. From ancient times, mine were always pets," Taylor said. The city also voted to permit animal control officials to enter vehicles to save trapped pets from overheating in hot weather. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inspect Your Roof Inspect your roof for loose shingles and remove any large branches. You can probably put off a major cleaning until summer but you will want to repair any broken tiles or shingles as soon as possible. If you are inspecting from the ground, use a pair of binoculars to get a better view. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Grass roof school in Singapore
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Safari for Windows 



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Thursday,  April 3, 2008


Tech link sent in by Felix Safari for Windows Interesting comment here: http://www.wired.com/gadgets/mac/commen ... ofmac_0612 Best 2008 April Fools jokes, according to the Washington Post: http://snipurl.com/23c3f [www_washingtonpost_com]
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The personnel manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance, a month's sick leave and they paid the full premiums." "I can't help but asking, madam, why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
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A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says, "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you". "And, what happened to my present?". "Which present?" "What I asked for....the English girl? "Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl...!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marko Kulju, 26, from Finland Robbing a statue March 28, 2008 - Santiago, Chile - UPI A tourist has been arrested for allegedly ripping the earlobe off one of the world-renowned Easter Island statues. Finnish traveler Marko Kulju, 26, is accused of pulling the earlobe off the statue, which then broke into several pieces. Kulju then allegedly took a piece of the broken ear with him, The Guardian newspaper reported Thursday. Kulju was identified by a local woman who said she saw him break the ancient statue and steal part of it. He could face up to seven years in prison and some $20,000 in fines if convicted of defacing the statue. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-324140-470089
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Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture: Alternatives to Bullwinkle
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Safari Dear Webby What's this with Safari? I thought you were solidly on the Windows side! Which browser do you really recommend now? David Dear David For max speed, Maxthon seems to be best For max compatibility, IE6 seems best For the most tricks and gimmicks, FireFox is best For reading long text pages, Safari is best. Safari is slow, buggy and can't cope with a lot of stuff, but it's font rendering is a class better than the rest. Have FUN! DearWebby

The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two more minutes went by, and he still wasn't talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."

Deeli's Kudos April 2, 2008 - Apoka, Florida - UPI Two 6-month-old kittens did what residents of Apoka, Fla., were not brave enough to do: chase a wild bear up a tree. Florida Fish and Wildlife worker Tom Shupe said the 200 pound bear had been terrorizing residents Friday -- until the beast came across the brave kittens, WKMG-TV of Orlando, Fla., reported. Jason Daniels said the kittens cornered the bear until it decided to seek refuge in a tree. "(The kittens) had the bear cornered at the fence and it saw the tree and just ran up the tree and has been there ever since," said Daniels. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

New Bulletin Bloopers Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" oto someone who doesn't care much about you. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning with Isopropyl Alcohol Isopropyl Alcohol (rubbing alcohol) is effective in many cleaning projects. Put it in a small spray bottle and it works well for cleaning chrome faucets and glass, and removing ink stains from fabric. Always pretest the alcohol in an inconspicuous spot before using on a stain. Click Here For More Cleaning Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife, made no attempt to restrain her four-year-old son Johnny, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet soon. Judging by the sounds of it, he's into the poisons now."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Valley of the king
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, how do I fix fuzzy fonts? 



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Wednesday,  April 2, 2008


Re graduating from AOL: Here is a handy article in PC Magazine with tips on converting your mail from AOL to standard: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2261258,00.asp Re graduating from highschool: Interesting article in the NY Times about the government desperately trying to come up with a single formula for figuring out how many kids graduated and how many were left behind. Apparently each state fudges the figures differently and some don't have the skills to do even that. http://snipurl.com/237mo Should be simple enough: X kids were born, Y kids graduated, Z = X - Y and shows the number of kids left behind. Apparently that is not democratic enough, since then most states would not qualify for Federal handouts.
The freedom to do your best means nothing unless you are willing to do your best." — Colin Powell
Mrs. Goldfarb was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?" "Two for a quarter," answered the vendor. "How much is just one?" she asked. "Fifteen cents," answered the vendor. "Then I'll take the other one," said Mrs. Goldfarb.
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stop at a rest area and head to the restroom. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine!' And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?' What kind of question is that? At that point, I' m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!' At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?' Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation I tell them 'No..I'm a little busy right now!!!' Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Kirby, 26, in Papillion, Nebraska March 31, 2008 - Papillion, Nebraska - UPI A Nebraska man is charged with child neglect after his 4-year old daughter was burned while he was teaching her a fire trick, police said. Brian Kirby, 26, told police he was showing his daughter how to do a trick with a liquor bottle and lit match when she was accidentally burned, KETV in Omaha reported Wednesday. The girl reportedly was dropping a lit match into the bottle when a flame burst upward and burned her. She is now in good health and in the care of her mother. Kirby told authorities he was attempting to teach the child about fire safety when the Saturday incident occurred. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Thanks to Wade in Idaho for sending this picture: Bullwinkle for president!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wolf Re: Fuzzy fonts Dear Webby I have the same computer at home as my husband has at work. The fonts on his screen are nice and sharp, no matter what program he uses. On mine they are fuzzy, except when I use Safari for Windows. Dear hubby of course does not have a clue why. His machine had already been set up professionally when he got it. So, what do their techs know that I don't? Thanks Wolf Dear Wolf Go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools or click on the wrench in the left side menu here. In the toolbox look for a program called Clear Type Font Tuner. It's a fairly large download, but the actual usage is quick and simple. It shows you some examples and you click on the best looking one. Then it sets up your video accordingly. That is all there is to it. You will notice quite a difference. Your fonts will be a lot sharper, crisper, and more readable. However, I would not go as far as saying that they look as good in MSIE as they do in Safari for Windows. DearWebby

Thanks to Angela for this story: An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of whisky, and a Playboy magazine. 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself, 'when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. 'If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be. 'And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum.' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's Centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered, 'He's gonna run for Congress.

Deeli's Kudos March 31, 2008 - UK - Gimundo Any Question Answered, a text-message trivia service in the United Kingdom, is used to answering questions along the lines of "What's Baby Spice's real name?" or "For how many seconds does the average man live?" The company receives their share of weird and wacky inquiries but they weren't quite sure what to make of this one: "(L)ost in Thai jungle, can you help?" Emily Harding, the AQA employee who received the text, thought the question might have been a joke, but on the off-chance that it was real, she didn't want to lead the questioner astray. She sent off the contact information for the nearest emergency services in Thailand, and followed up by enlisting a mountain rescue team to help the callers. It's a good thing Harding took the message seriously: By the time she heard from them, Ian Lawler and Ranelle Chapman, a London couple on vacation, had been stranded in a jungle in Thailand for 8 hours overnight. Thanks to the trivia expert's aid in tracking down a rescue crew, the couple managed to get out of the jungle safely. "I am glad I did and I am very happy the couple got out OK," said Handler. http://snipurl.com/238q1 [www_gimundo_com]

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. 'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds. Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked. 'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your butt, didn't it?' He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw. Stupid, stupid man.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Benefits of Vacationing Close to Home With gas prices so high this summer, consider taking a vacation somewhere close to home. You not only spend less money on gas, but you will also spend less time on the road and more time at your destination. Click Here For More Vacation And Travel Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Travel_1179.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly and finally exclaimed: "I'll need more power for this!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Kite aerial photography
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, why are AOLers unpopular? 



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Good Morning,  !

Tuesday,  April 1, 2008


China is tired of being badmouthed about their pollution and is considering a class action suit against Bubba Gore and the Algorian Sheep. Since they have 5000 years of weather reports and Mother Nature on their side, they don't have to bend or mis-interprete any stats to prove their case. They are planning to sue for 10 Billion Dollars.
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your 'Unique Breakfast'?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs."
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Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "I've been volunteered to help move furniture for my mother-in-law tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Long from Deep Water, Missouri Too cheap to buy a long drillbit March 26, 2008 - Jacksonville, Oregon - KGW News Belongings removed from a Southern Oregon man's property have begun slowly reappearing at his home, a day after a pair of hoax ads on Craigslist cost Robert Salisbury much of what he owned. The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of the home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking, said Jackson County Sheriff's Detective Sgt. Colin Fagan. The independent contractor was at Emigrant Lake when he got a call from a woman who had stopped by his house to claim his horse. On his way home he stopped a truck loaded down with his work ladders, lawn mower and weed eater. "I informed them I was the owner, but they refused to give the stuff back," Salisbury said. Once home he was greeted by close to 30 people rummaging through his barn and front porch. He turned some license plate numbers over to police. By late Monday, some people who learned of the hoax began to return items taken from the home. Fagan says prosecution is likely for anybody caught with Salisbury's property. If they return the taken items, no charges will be filed. Meanwhile, Salisbury could not even relax on his porch swing -- someone took it. http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/k ... b2c9c.html
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Thanks to Wade in Idaho for sending this picture: Caucus time: Delegates flocking to their candidate Just wait for tomorrow's pictrue, also by Wade!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Winnie Re: WHY U HATE AOLERS? WHY U HATE AOLERS AND ALLWAYS TALK IN HOSILE MODE WEN AOLES ARE CONCERND ND MAKE FUN OF US? AN WHY U ALLWAYS SAY AOL IS NO BOOD FOR BIZNESS? Dear Winnie Not all AOLers are uncouth and sloppy barbarians who are too lazy to type properly, too rude to use a greeting on top and a sign-off at the bottom, and who never proof read their writing. Not all of them, it's just that the other 6 Million AOLers are giving them a bad name. In addition to that, a lot of AOLers have the annoying habit of hitting their "This is spam" button instead of unsubscribing, or change addresses without changing their subscriptions, and causing bounces. Also, because AOL mail is as unreliable as Yahoo mail, you can't really count on getting important business mail. If you want to get into business, the sooner you graduate from AOL, the better for you. DearWebby

Whats the worst thing a wife can get on her twentieth wedding anniversary?" And you know what the answer is? "Morning Sickness."

Deeli's Kudos March 31, 2008 - Dallas, Texas - ABC News When suspected drug dealers shot Dallas Police Detective David Rodriguez 14 years ago, leaving him paralyzed, they may have ended his law enforcement career but he never lost his street smarts. So when Rodriguez, now a paraplegic, pulled his silver pickup truck up to a Dallas Jack-in-the-Box drive-through window Monday afternoon, the 60-year-old said he soon noticed the terrified look on an employee's face. Royal Robinson, 34, had reportedly flashed a handgun at employees and asked them to empty out the cash register. He stuffed about $174 into his pockets before fleeing. Seeing the suspect running, Rodriguez pulled out of the drive-in line with his vehicle, which is specially outfitted to be driven by hand. He called 911 from his cell phone as he followed the gunman. When the robber realized someone was tailing him, he drew a handgun and pointed it at the retired officer. Rodriguez threw his truck into reverse to block him; and Rodriguez says Robinson then took off but police found him cowering behind a trash bin. The Dallas police force is bursting with pride over Rodriguez's a ctions. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4534608

An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was. "In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian. "Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day." "That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day". At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much cabbage!!!."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT! Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.' Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.' Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight.... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? I can't believe it!' Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.' Jimmy: 'Now listen,' Mike, 'while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish....' Mike: 'Yeah! That's what you think! This fish can sing all right.... The thing is, he keeps singing off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cheese
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: How can I tell if the memory is full? 



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Monday,  March 31, 2008


People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. --- Douglas Adams We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms." --- Elayne Boosler
John's beloved old super economy car was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"
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The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his small town look to him for an example, but that all too often, all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip mill, as well. This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place. His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?" "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea." "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee either, thank you." In the spirit of triage, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a coffee mug?" "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Long from Deep Water, Missouri Too cheap to buy a long drillbit March 30, 2008 - Sedalia, Missouri - KMBC News Officials are trying to determine whether to file charges against a man who fatally shot his wife while trying to install a satellite television system in their home. Patsy D. Long, 34, of Deep Water, was pronounced dead early Saturday evening after being shot in the chest with a .22-caliber handgun. Patsy Long was standing outside the residence while her husband was installing a satellite television system. According to sheriff's department spokesman Maj. Robert Hills, Ronald Long fired a shot from the inside of their home after several unsuccessful efforts to punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means. Investigators said Ronald Long believed his family was inside the house. He told authorities that he fired a second shot, then called out his wife's name and the names of their two children. When he got no reply, he ran outside and found his wounded wife. Hills said a person involved in such a case normally would be charged with manslaughter, but that was up to the prosecutor. Hills described the family as being very "distraught." http://www.kmbc.com/news/15701029/detail.html --------------- Up to 8 foot long "bell hanger" bits and augers are available at any decent electrical contractors supply store at surprisingly low prices. They even have a little hole drilled into the flute near the tip, so that you can attach the cable to it and pull the cable through the wall, when you pull the drill bit back. The shafts of bell hanger bits are flexible so that the drill can easily go around pipes, or for drilling from one electrical outlet box to another one on the next floor. Shooting a wall is extremely dumb, because any pipe or metal can deflect the bullet and send it off in an unexpected direction. So, if you need to pull some cable or wire through thick walls, get a long bell hanger bit. I hate losing subscribers! DearWebby
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to Joan for forwarding this picture:
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Yorkie Re: Memory full CAN YOU TELL ME HOW I KNOW IF MY MEMORY IS FULL? Dear Yorkie When you save a picture from a page, and Windows wants to save it as a .BMP file instead of JPG or GIF, then your RAM memory is so full that pretty soon programs will start to lock up. Then it's time to log off AOL, run CrapCleaner or reboot. DearWebby

Mr. and Mrs. Steinfeld are asleep in their beds late one night, when Mrs. Steinfeld hears a noise downstairs. "Wake up!" cried Mrs. Steinfeld, nudging her husband. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the pot roast I made tonight!" "That will teach them!" said Mr. Steinfeld. "I just hope they don't die in the house!"

Deeli's Kudos March 30, 2008 - Los Angeles, California - UPI A veteran female Los Angeles police officer has been accepted into the SWAT training program, putting her on track to be the first woman in the elite unit. An internal Los Angeles Police Department e-mail indicated that Jennifer Grasso was one of 13 officers accepted into the 12-week course, which begins Monday. There are six openings in the 60-member SWAT team, and the department could either eliminate some of the candidates during training or place some on a waiting list. No one seems to doubt Grasso's ability. "Physically, she's a dynamo and tactically she's very solid," a member of the SWAT team said. "She'd be a good selection." http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-325510-512309

Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was *like brand-new” and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day. The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars. The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales. Bill grinned, “Well they didn’t believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat.....”

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 313empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. Before bending the tweezers it is a good idea to first true the tips by pulling a double-sided diamond grit nail file or folded sandpaper sideways through the tips a few times. The sideways wipe will leave a microscopic version of the serration on pliers. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

7 year old Johnny was puzzled as to his origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" he asked. His mommy said, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you." "Did God send you too, Mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes, Dear, He did." replied his mother. "And Grandma and great grandma and daddy, too?" asked little Johnny. Again the answer was "yes." Little Johnny shook his head in disbelief. "Then you mean to tell me there has been no sex in this family for 200 years?....No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Find dead links
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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