How to become Windows Administrator? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. --- Eric Hoffer Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." --- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in "Peanuts" Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice: "Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to start doing that."
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ice fishing on the Bow River
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer Marks & Spencer threatens granny for eating cookie AN 86-year-old grandmother was threatened with being thrown out of a British supermarket cafe after she started nibbling a cookie she bought in the same store. A female shop assistant told "humiliated" Thelma Williams that she could be escorted out and fined for dunking her chocolate chip cookie into a cup of tea at a branch of British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer (M&S). Williams bought a scone and cookie from the food section, and then her daughter bought her a sandwich and a cup of tea in the cafe. An assistant told her she could not eat it because of the consumer tax difference between cafe and shop-bought food. "The staff made me feel as though I was a common criminal - yet I was just eating one of their biscuits," Ms Williams said. "This woman over-reacted. All the customers were looking at me. It was so embarrassing and very distressing." "Our policy is that cafe customers must only consume items bought in the cafe area." an M&S spokesman said. ---------- Britain and many other countries have a VAT (Value Added Tax). In Britain it is 17.5%, or possibly higher by now. in Canada it is called GST and is 5%. Bulk food items are generally excempt, but individual servings are taxed. If you buy ONE bun, you pay tax. If you buy a dozen, they are tax free. That aplies at the point of buying. After checking out of one section of the store, those cookies were her property, as if she had baked them at home. While restaurants generally object to you bringing your own food, making a fuss about the tax difference on one cookie is rather sleazy and definitely deserves a bonehead award.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol re: Windows administrator logon required Hi Webby, Here I am again!!!!! I went to order underware from a store on line, my McAfee would not let me see the pictures so I could decide which style I wanted. When I went into the McAfee program to see if I could "fix" the problem (BTW, I only get big red MCAFEE words where the picture should be), I noticed that the parental control is on. We're retired, have no grandchildren and do not want our computer restricted... I really want to be able to see what I'm buying. When I tried to change the parental control it told me I could not because I'm not logged on as administrator. We do not use a password when we boot up the computer, we just start it up and click "OK" when necessary. Is there anything I can do to fix this problem of not seeing a bra that I want to purchase? Thanks, Carol Dear Carol To see how to log on as administrator, go to http://snipurl.com/log-on-as-admin The info you need is at the bottom of that page. It's actually quite easy, when you know the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk. She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such. When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk. 'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crab Apples for Pest Repellent There are no chemicals involved so I guess it's a green tip. If you have a problem with roaches, ants, mice, or other pests inside the house, gather some crab apples and place them around your basement, crawl space, and foundation of your house. My in-laws have done this for years and haven't seeneven a trace of a pest or rodent. By Tammy from Cookeville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

» Grains
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Windows update reboot trashing my desktop 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 15, 2010

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. ---John F. Kennedy
Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 39-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Root, 27, of East Hampton, CT 2 and 3 year olds in diapers away from home, mom arrested An East Hampton, Connecticut, woman is facing several charges after her 2- and 3-year-old sons were playing in the woods for hours wearing nothing but diapers on Friday morning, police said. Julie Root, 27, was arrested shortly after coming home from work. A neighbor called East Hampton police when she had heard the children playing alone by the road in the rain for at least an hour. When two officers arrived, they found the two small boys walking in the woods on the south side of Flatbrook Road near a stream. The boys were wearing no clothing other than their diapers and they were freezing cold, police said. An ambulance was called and the boys were taken to Marlborough Clinic for a medical evaluation. While all of this was taking place, Root walked up to the scene and said she had returned from working third shift at 7:30 a.m. and had possibly dozed off, allowing the boys to slip out of the house. Root, who is wearing the t-shirt that reads “I Love Weed” in her mug shot, was heavily under the influence of prescription pain medication, police said. The allegedly bad mother said that the boys’ father, Scott Root, was also home but he had been sleeping during the incident. The boys were released to the custody of their father after leaving Marlborough Clinic with no significant medical findings or injuries, police said. Julie Root was released from custody on a $10,000 non-surety bond and is scheduled to appear at Middlesex Superior Court in Middletown, CT., on April 20. She is charged with two counts of risk of injury to a minor and two counts of reckless endangerment.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Julie re: Desktop trashed by Windos update Dear Webby Is there a way to stop Windows update from trashing and reorganizing my desktop? Or at least to restore it? I get so frustrated I could kill, when the required restart after an update messes everything up. When I reboot normally once a month, everything stays in place, so why does an update restart screw everything up? Sorry, didn't mean to yell and while at you, but you are the only one I know who actually listens. Julie Dear Julie I know how you feel! You are definitely not the only one who is severely annoyed by that problem. Go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and download Save My Desktop Hit that and save your desktop after each time you add or move icons, or at least before doing a Windows update. When the dektop gets trashed, you can hit that icon, after you find where Windows shuffled it to, and hit it, but select RESTORE instead of SAVE. Another trick that seems to help is to shut all programs down before doing the silly update mandated restart. The problem seems to be with interrupted shutdowns. If the shutdown is stopped because of an unsaved file, then that virtually guarantees that your desktop gets trashed. Instead of saving a snapshot to disk, as if you had told it to hibernate, Windows just loses it's marbles. Best of course is to do both. Save the desktop AND shut down every program before letting Windows do that nuisance reboot. Have FUN! DearWebby
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior replied, "Nah, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me nickles!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tracking Credit Card Rewards Make sure to check your monthly statements to see if you can redeem any of your reward points. Many credit cards accumulate reward points based on the amount you spend. Eventually those reward points expire, so use them before you lose them. You can earn everything from gift cards to cash! By Lewis from Port Orchard, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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And here is a real groaner of a pun: Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error... ... He replied: "I 'ad no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van Gogh."...

» Olives
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Computer video to old style TV 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. --- Robert Benchley People will buy anything that is one to a customer. --- Sinclair Lewis
Thanks tp Roland for this story: Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had noticed that she was walking in late every day. After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door I could use?"
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder quite frequently," the wife offered "but never divorce."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Mowry, 33, and Jethra Guzman, 32. Monitoring bracelets aid Berwick police in identifying two burglars BERWICK, Maine — Electronic monitoring bracelets helped police identify two people responsible for four residential burglaries in January. Arrests warrants have been drafted for the two suspects, but they have yet to be arrested because they are in custody in New Hampshire for unrelated crimes. The burglaries happened in mid-January on Cemetery Road, Pine Hill Road, Little River Road and Blackberry Road. Cash, jewelry and electronics were all stolen from the homes. Capt. Jerry Locke said the big break in the case came at the last burglary on Jan. 31, at the Blackberry Road residence. A witness took down the plate number of the vehicle the two suspects were in and police in Somersworth were able to stop them. Police identified the pair as Michael Mowry, 33, last known address of 1 Thomas St., Rochester and Jethra Guzman, 32, last know address of 5 Woodside Commons Park, Somersworth. Upon further investigation, police learned that both suspects were on electronic monitoring because of pending drug-related cases out of New Hampshire. Locke said police were able to look at the records of the monitoring devices and track the two to the other burglary locations on the days they occurred. Mowry is currently incarcerated in the New Hampshire State Prison in Concord for his drug-related charges, while Guzman is being held at the Strafford County jail. Both will be facing burglary charges when police get a chance to arrest them. Burglary is a Class B crime punishable by up to 10 years in prison. Locke said the pair may also be involved in other burglaries in the area as well, but noted those burglaries are still under investigation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fast Eddie re: Use an old TV as a monitor Hey Mr Webby; Got a question for you! I want to watch a video from my PC to my TV. Now is it better to to get another video card to watch TV or get a "VGA Splitter?" And the cords? What will I need? I have thee old TV, in which does not have the updated hook ups. Though I have a DVD Player that may have what I need to get connected. Thanks & have a great day/week. Eddie Dear Eddie You would need a video card that has TV output and the same kinds of sockets in the back as you got on a VCR. Then you plug the TV into those sockets instead of the VCR. Keep in mind that the video on an old TV is VERY crappy compared to even a very old computer monitor. You can get perfectly good 20" 1600 x 1200 monitors for as little as $115 at http://www.nextag.com/1600x1200-monitor/products-html I doubt that you can get a video card with VCR output for that price. Have FUN! DearWebby
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry Insulated Shopping Bag in Your Car Frugal and Green! Purchase one of those heavy duty insulated shopping bags and keep it in your car for when you're grocery shopping, especially here in the South, and in the summer. You will be surprised at how beneficial it will be and how often you'll be glad you have it handy. They are very inexpensive, fold flat, take up little storage space in your car when not in use and open to a generous size bag. I bought mine at Sam's Club, but they are available elsewhere. By Sandy from Elon, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One morning, before the farmer went out to the field, he said, "Honey, today the artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of the cows. I put a nail in a two-by-four over the stall. Please show him which one it it is." When he arrived, Nancy led him down the row of stalls until she saw the nail. She pointed to the stall and he asked her, "Are you sure?" "It's the one with the nail," said Nancy. "What's the nail for?" asked the man. "I guess it's to hang your pants on," replied Nancy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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What's the definition of an optimist? An liberal arts major with a pager.

» Martha's Vinyard:
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Getting and turning on ActiveX 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best - and therefore never scrutinize or question. --- Stephen Jay Gould Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing." --- Tom Dreesen
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat or explain everything they say. He replied, "What do you mean?"
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff already."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Washington, 33, of Uniontown, Pennsylvania PA. dad jailed for pot in son's Elmo backpack - The Associated Press UNIONTOWN, PA. — A western Pennsylvania father has been jailed after police say he went to his son's elementary school to retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the boy's Elmo backpack. State police say 33-year-old Ronald Washington, of Uniontown, called Menallen Elementary School to ask if his son had arrived for kindergarten Thursday morning. Police say Washington told school officials he needed to get something from the Sesame Street-themed backpack, prompting school officials to search it. School officials called police when they found the pot, and troopers were waiting to arrest Washington when he arrived shortly before 9 a.m. Washington was jailed when he was unable to post $100,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley re: Turn on Active X Dear Webby, You have helped me in the past and have really appreciated all your help. Where do I find ActiveX on a windows XP? Can't seem to find it anywhere. Keep up the news letter and you make my day. Love your computer tips which is what I check first. Thank you Shirley Dear Shirley Active X is included with the regular Windows updates and patches. You just have to enable it. In Internet Explorer Tools > Internet Options > Security > Custom Level Now scroll down and check the boxes that say Javascript and Active X. Or use FireFox. It doesn't need the ActiveX training wheels to work. Have FUN! DearWebby
Dog looks at human and thinks: "My hero, my friend, my buddy." Cat looks at human and thinks: "My can-opener."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Boxes as Litter Boxes Way too long for here. Read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

» Toothpick Sculptures:
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YouTube problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 12, 2010

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. --- Jules Feiffer The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. A friend left me alone in a restaurant with her 16-month-old kid. I asked, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite vegetable and I will not be asked to babysit again.
There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.
Thank to dad for these pictures: Same picture large Same picture large He bought one small leaf about a dozen years ago, now he has to trim it and give leaves to visitors, AND use a steel pipe and a hoop to keep it from spreading and turning into a fence. Each blossom lasts just one day. On the second picture you also see yesterday's blossom, and the start of the next leaf.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC, and his mother Bad April Fools Joke Salisbury, NC (The Weekly Vice) Michael Kelly, a 31-year-old Salisbury man, was arrested April 1st for speeding when an April Fools joke went horribly wrong. According to Rowan County deputies, Kelly was first noticed when he ran a red light. Deputy Williams began to follow Kelly but Kelly just went faster. Deputy Williams tried to stop Kelly but when the pursuit reached speeds up to 120mph, the deputy called for assistance. After a brief chase, Kelly slowed down and Deputy Williams was able to take him in to custody. According to officers, Kelly's reason for the high-speed chase was because his mother had called from a nearby city to inform him that his 9-year-old son was missing and she was frantic and yelling. During processing, Deputy Williams answered Kelly's cell phone and asked Kelly's mother if the boy had been located. It was at this point that Williams and Kelly learned that it was all a joke. Kelly was booked in the Rowan County Detention Center on charges of felony speeding to elude arrest, driving with a suspended license and failure to stop at a red light. Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC It is not known at this time if the "prank" was arranged after the chase startd or before. Running red lights on a suspended license and doing 120 in town sure did not get him any closer to his far away son.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donna Re: uTube problem Dear Webby, My husband recently got a new computer with Windows XP, but when he gets an email with a link to a You Tube video, he cannot open it. Is there something that should be installed in order for him to open these? As usual...thanks so much... Donna Dear Donna Without knowing whatever error message he gets, I don't want to put my foot into my mouth too far. He needs the current version of Adobe Flash Player, and he needs Javascript enabled in hs browser. If he uses IE instead of FireFox, he also needs Active-X, and possibly even Active-X for Adobe. There is good info at http://kb2.adobe.com/cps/191/tn_19166.html Have FUN! DearWebby
Picture this: A Santa Clara County Department of Correction bus is heading for Civic Center after transporting inmates to Elmwood Correctional Facility. All of a sudden, the driver notices he's being followed. Odd, he thinks. It's even more odd when he drives the bus down the intake ramp into the main jail and two vehicles -- a pickup truck and a minivan -- continue to follow right behind. The gates slam shut, officers question the occupants of the two vehicles and the reason for the follow-the-leader routine finally becomes clear. There's been a bit of drinking going on, and the guys think the bus is a greyhound and figure it will lead them to its depot and the restrooms they so desperately need. They get a rest, all right. The pickup driver is arrested for drunken driving. The minivan driver is cited for driving with a suspended license. Their vehicles are impounded. Correction officers are bemused. "We at DOC have heard of voluntary surrender, but this is ridiculous,'' says department spokesman Mark Cursi. "We're now wondering if folks can take the next step: self-booking.''
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Looking At Everyday Household Energy Usage Way too long for here. Read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the middle of World War II, a draftee goes in for his physical wearing a truss, and with a little convincing acting, gets his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt. Not long after, a friend gets his orders to report for a physical, and he borrows the other fellow's truss. At the end of the examination, the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers. "Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he asked. "No," the examining doctor says. "M.E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside-down can certainly ride a camel."
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Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute." "Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

» Puppies
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Currently best map and route planning site 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 11, 2010

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. --- Dandemis
As Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, "It's 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said. "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation... As they got off the airplane, they passed a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" "This is Havaii," the man replied. "Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?" As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!" "You're Ferry Velcome!" the Hawaiian called back.
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket. An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other. "Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Marika, 25, in Port Richey, Florida Mugger on bicycle has no chance against scooter From 10Connects, Tampa, Florida Port Richey, Florida - Sometimes news happens when you're out covering other news. And that's just what happened Friday. We were out at Wal-Mart Friday doing a interview with Charles Salvatore, who will ride his motorized scooter from Zephyrhills to Alaska to raise awareness of liver diseases for the American Liver Foundation. While we were interviewing Salvatore, a man on a bicycle grabbed a money container from Salvatore's 10-year-old nephew who was helping the family with the fundraiser. The suspect took off from the Wal-Mart and bystanders and family gave chase. So did Charles on his 50cc scooter. They caught up with the suspect, and Salvatore, who looks like he is a head taller and 150 pounds heavier than the mugger, tackled him and held him until police arrived. The suspect was arrested and will most likely be charged with strong armed robbery. As the officer was putting the suspect into the cruiser he apologized to Charles, and cursed at our cameraman.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: MaryLee Re: Is Google Earth Pro worth it? Dear Webby, I used to plan trips by using Google Earth, but found out the hard way, that they dumbed it down, possibly for all the silly nitwits who got conned into wide screen monitors. And you can't use multiple points any more, and can't import lists of way points any more either, unless you buy Google Earth Pro. I searched all over, but have not found any positive comments about Google Earth Pro. I know you do detail planning for your trips. What do you use for that? MaryLee Dear MaryLee Yes, Google did indeed "dumb down" Google Earth, to the point where it is a rather useless kid's toy. The $400 Google Earth Pro is the same, except they allow you multiple way points and let you import them from a spreadsheet, just like the old, GOOD, version let you do for a small annual fee. I certainly won't pay $400 just for that. And I too have not found a single positive mention of it. Google Maps hasn't been dumbed down quite that much, probably just enough, so that Vista and W7 won't crash on it. It works OK for spot checking, but is no longer good enough for extensive route planning. Nowadays I use MapQuest. It has not been dumbed down for the new versions of Windows. Actually, they added some small improvements. They still use the big, fat, mushy lines for the route, but other than that, Mapquest is quite good. Booking hotels right from Mapquest is a breeze, even looking for restaurants or sights. There is plenty of room for improvements, but right now Mapquest beats Google by a good margin. Then there is Microsoft's Bing.com/maps. It has better graphics, and a nice thin and sharp route line. However, when you zoom in, it tends to lose the route line, or sometimes the point flag wanders off a few miles. That "feature" takes some getting used to! And you can't pop up hotels, restaurants, etc. And it still needs customization options, like road name font sizes, the ability to toggle the route line layer below road names, or auto-center and zoom on double-click, and actually quite a long wish list. Yet. It definitely is a work in progress, but looks promising. If they keep at it, in a year or two they will beat both Google and Mapquest. I will keep an eye on it, and check their progress. Have FUN! DearWebby
At Sunday school, the teacher asked Johnny, "Johnny, could you tell me what are we supposed to do to deserve the salvation?" "Yeah, of course" Little Johnny replied. "We're supposed to do a whole bunch of sinning first, so that we got something to be forgiven for!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flower Pot Air Fresheners Make some cute, all-natural flower pot air fresheners! You will need: Supplies: * small terra cotta flower pots (about 4 inch height) * lacy fabric or cheesecloth cut into 8 inch circles * 30 inches of ribbon * baking soda * essential oils Instructions: First, stop any holes in the bottom of the pots with tape. Fill them with baking soda and mix in about 10 drops or so of your favorite essential oil. Place the circle of fabric over the pot and secure by tying the ribbon around the rim with a bow. To freshen just stir in a few more drops of oil, and change the baking soda every few months. I love these little pots, they leave a nice, subtle scent without chemicals or synthetic perfumes. They're lovely in smaller rooms like the kitchen or bathroom, and inexpensive to make. I even used some old lace curtains for the fabric. The only trick is to place them where kids, pets (or you!) won't knock them over too easily. By Tapestry Lady from England http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The teacher said, "Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" All the kids looked baffled by the question except Rufus, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly. "Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asked. Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January second, February second, March second..."
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Linda had gotten a new job as a reporter at her local newspaper and she was brought in to meet the crusty old editor on her first day on the job. "Names, names," the old editor insisted to the new reporter. "No story is complete without the names of everyone involved." Linda assured him she would make him proud of her reporting abilities, and her first assignment was to write an article on a local disaster. She came back a few hours later and filed this report: Three farms in our area were affected by severe lightning storms that struck Thursday night. Mr. and Mrs. Horace Greene reported a fire in their barn. Michael Arlington said several trees were knocked down by the violence of the storm. And Fred Morse reported that three of his cows were struck by lightning. Their names were Bessie, Elsie and Bertha.

» Creepy Crawly Things
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Printer prints purplish-pink 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 10, 2010

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? --- George Price
Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
came home from school and told dad: "Hey, Dad, I lerned that we decended from apes! Neat, huh ?" That didn't go over well at all, so was told in no uncertaint terms: "YOU might have apes for ancestors, but I sure don't!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stanislaw Muchy, 39, in Warsaw, Poland Burglary by mail Police in Poland have arrested a man for a series of raids in which he allegedly climbed into large parcels and posted himself to businesses. Stanislaw Muchy, 39, would then apparently climb out at night after staff had clocked off and burgle the premises, reports Metro. He made his getaway by sealing both himself and his loot into another box addressed to his Warsaw home, say police. His scheme came to an end after he fell out with an accomplice, whose job was to deliver him to courier firms, who contacted police. After being tipped off, police said: "We arranged a special delivery of our own, right to the jail."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Printer prints purplish-pink Dear Webby, I was happy to read about the ink cartridge question. My printer has individual ink cartridges, and all cartridges are almost full....however all of a sudden I get little color when printing except this purplish-pink. When I print a document it's fine in black ink. Can you give me any clues? I've gone to start and went through the cleaning of the printer menu. Thanks. Carol Dear Carol That sounds like your color cartridges are drying up. Look at them carefully and find the air breather hole, and cover that with a bit of duck tape. Then lay the cartridge into a dish with warm water for half an hour. After that, dry it off, peel the tape, and use it to print in THAT color right away. Just make a painting that has half the page in that color. USUALLY, that clears up that problem. If it doesn't, get remanufactured cartridges from Atlantic Inkjet .com. Those will be refillable and you can get a refill kit from them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Calculate the Best Prices at Supermarkets Today's tip is way too long for here. You can read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sammy has stolen the rabbi's gold watch. He didn't feel too good about it, so he decided, after a sleepless night, to go to the rabbi. 'Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.' 'But Sammy! That's forbidden! You should return it immediately!' 'What shall I do?' 'Give it back to the owner.' 'Do you want it?' 'No, I said return it to its owner.' 'But he doesn't want it.' 'In that case, you can keep it.'
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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."

» Chocolate Life
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Refilling printer ink 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 9, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. --- Dave Barry And other skiers too!
Linda invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six- year-old daughter and said,"Would you like to say the blessing?" "I don't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," her mother told her. The daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these ungrateful nuts to dinner?"
Most women have these two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Ferris, 27, Cincinnati, Ohio Reported himself for paying a hooker William Ferris, an Ohio man yesterday paid a prostitute $50 with the understanding that he would receive a full menu of sexual services in the bathroom of a White Castle in Cincinnati. However, when the hooker only performed oral sex on him, Ferris--who was also expecting vaginal sex--contacted police to report that he had just been robbed. When Hamilton County Sheriff's Office deputies responded to Ferris's 911 call, his "story began to fall apart," according to an arrest report. Ferris admitted that he was not, in fact, robbed by his unidentified paid date. In an interview, a frustrated Ferris told TSG that he expected "all of it for $50," but just got "kissing and sucking" during the 20-minute bathroom encounter. He added that the hooker picked the White Castle for their assignation since its bathroom locked (and not because of the eatery's tasty belly bombers). The unemployed Ferris, charged with solicitation and making a false police report, was scheduled to be arraigned today on the misdemeanor counts. He also will be charged with trespassing if he returns to the White Castle on Harrison Avenue. Just as dumb, but not as cute as yesterday's Bonehead.
From Kathy I agree with you about the morons. I use your Squirrel e cards all the time. My friends love it. Have a great rest of the week. Thank you for all your great information. I have learned a lot. Kathy Dear Kathy I don't want to take the credit for that site. It is owned and designed and maintained by a lady named Barbara Kee We just supply the basic templates and the UNIX engine under the hood, that ensures that 1) nobody can attach anything malicious to the cards, and 2) delivers them to the recipient address. and 3) tells the sender about the pick-up event. You can open a postcard page or site too, if you have a dozen or more pictures. We even supply the templates to get started. You can of course edit them any way you want, but you get a head-start and don't have to figure things out the hard way. The FREE BASIC version is free. It is kept very basic, so that you can quickly and easily see how things flow, without getting overwhelmed by a Million options. Have FUN! DearWebby From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Printer ink Dear Webby, my printer has been a good one through the years (HP) but the cartridges for it are expensive. How do you feel about refilling the ink cartridges? Will it mess up my printer? My cartridges are over $40 each. Thanks, Webby and thanks for your great website! Carolyn Dear Carolyn We have refilled our ink cartridges with ink from Atlantic Inkjet for probably 10 or more years. Never a problem with the ink. HPs usually fail in the electronics. They are not meant to last forever, ya know. Have FUN! DearWebby
This is next joke is not a new and current news event, but a story I reprint almost every year: An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have messed up the settings way too much," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Seeds from Store Bought Tomatoes I bought a tomato at the store and squeezed the seeds onto a paper towel. After they dried, I cut the paper around the seed and planted them in good potting soil. Keep damp and you will have tomato plants in about a week. I tried planting seeds immediately after squeezing the tomato and they did not grow, so you must dry the seeds. By Dajavooi from Independence, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go. Noon comes, no dictator...... 10 minutes longer........no dictator. One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said.

» Right Angle Fotos
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Fake virus alert 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 8, 2010

Architecture is the art of how to waste space. --- Philip Johnson A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. --- Mark Ardis
"When you exit this vehicle, please lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
While meeting with a client he wished to impress, a big executive flipped on his intercom and barked to his secretary, "Miss Jones, get my broker on the line." "Yes sir," came back a loud voice, "stock or pawn or marriage?"
Thanks to Angie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida Underage drinking in cop carTasha Lee Cantrell. The 19-year-old Floridian was riding in a car early Monday morning when the vehicle's driver was pulled over and arrested for DUI. As a tow truck arrived to remove her friend's car, a stranded Cantrell asked Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office Deputy Mitchell Landis for a ride home to her Fort Walton Beach residence. Landis agreed, but only after checking Cantrell's purse for any contraband, according to an offense report. While chauffeuring Cantrell, Landis heard the teenager "open a can of some sort" in the back of the cruiser. The can had not been in her purse, or it would have been confiscated during the purse check. "As I looked at my in car video I observed Cantrell drinking out of an unknown can." Landis stopped his car and, upon further investigation, determined that Cantrell had popped open a can of Steel Reserve, a malt liquor known for its high alcohol content. "When I opened the rear passenger door I observed Cantrell attempting to hide the can between her legs. I retrieved this can and noticed it was Steel Reserve Beer," reported Landis, who immediately arrested Cantrell for underage drinking. Instead of being shuttled to her doorstep, Cantrell, pictured in the below mug shot, was rerouted to the sheriff's office, where she was booked on the misdemeanor charge. Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida Glamor shot courtesy of the sheriff's office.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elen Re: Fake virus alert I have been advised from two different email addresses that I recently tried to use to send to that the Disturbing Squirrel Postcards website - http://www.greysquirrel.net/postcards2.html - which is part of your network, tried to load a virus into the message. I am not sure you are the right person to report this to - but I did not see another address for problems. This was detected by Norton Utilities. Thank you, Ellen Stenstrom Dear Ellen Some disturbed morons lied to you. The postcards are on a UNIX server, not on a Windows computer. It is physically impossible for Mypostcards.com type cards to carry a virus, and they are purposely designed so that they can't carry ANY attachments. Site owners like GreySquirrel just supply pictures, music, and safe text. Card senders can select from those pictures and music and text, and can add their own text. That's it. Nobody can add a virus or any form of malware. We control the hard compiled UNIX software on the servers, and nobody can mess with that. Don't worry about the postcards, worry about those morons! Either their machines are infected and giving them false warnings, encouraging them to download fake anti-virus stuff that actually contains trojan programs, or else they are just making up lies to rattle your chain and make you look silly. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake. One said to the other, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Knit Shawls in the Spring It's Spring and scarf season is over - so if you are a knitter - switch over to rectangular shawls. It's the same only a bit longer and wider! And you can use up leftover yarn by using a different yarn per each row or so. By Pamphyila from LA, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
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A car was involved in an accident. As one might expect, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, pushed and struggled to get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through please! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

» Photos by George Wetter
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File Error Notification 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. --- Westheimer's Discovery Language is the source of misunderstandings. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s.
There was a Captain of a ship, and everyday at a certain time he would lock himself up in his cabin and look inside a mysterious black box. He did this every day, but he told nobody what was inside that box. Then one day he died and in his testament he wrote: "Now you can open the black box." So they opened the black box. And what they found was a piece of paper, on it was written "Starboard is right, port is left."
Thanks to Kay for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Donald Wolfe, 55, Brookville, Pennsylvania Drunk man tried to revive roadkill A US man has been charged with public drunkenness after he tried to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to roadkill. Police arrested Donald Wolfe, 55, after witnesses reported seeing him trying to revive a long dead possum, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer. One reported seeing Mr Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance. Another reported seeing him give mouth to mouth resuscitation to the carcass on a highway north-east of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. State police trooper Jamie Levier said the animal had been dead a while. Trooper Levier says the Brookville man was "extremely intoxicated" and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess". A possum is about the size of a domestic cat. The animals are known for feigning death when threatened, hence the phrase "playing possum".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: File Error Notification Dear Webby I got this email telling me about some file error notification, and to click on some weird address to diagnose and fix it. Is that legit? Elvira Dear Elvira Do NOT click on anything in that email. Delete it, then dump it from the trash. If you click on that, your computer is infected with a ransom-ware trojan virus, that you probably can't get rid off without formatting and re-installing Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Give him a modem, and he won't bother you all night.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grate Orange Rind Before Eating No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Upon her engagement, the exuberant young woman went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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Ms Leibovitz heard rumors that there was sexual harrassment going on at New York City Transit and went to work there. However, when nobody lived up to that rumor and provided her with any sexual harrassment, she sued the Transit authority, that having to worry about getting sexually harrassed or not, was a form of sexual harrassment and caused her to gain weight. She was originally awarded $60 000, however last Wednesday the Second Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the jury award and reversed a lower court judge's ruling supporting it. As of now, not getting sexual harrassment is not a form of sexual harrassment.

» The Skinny on Vinegar
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Which LCD monitors are better? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. --- Howard Aiken The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. --- C. P. Snow
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to." Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it." A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?" Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan."
Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" Little Johnny thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Agnes was here to squeeze the cake out of me!"
Careful!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexa Gonzalez in New York City US girl sues for $1m over arrest for desk scribble Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by police A 12-year-old US schoolgirl is suing the New York City authorities for $1m (£650,000) in damages after she was arrested for writing on her desk. Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by police after she was caught scribbling a message to her friends with an erasable, green marker. Miss Gonzalez and her mother are suing the police and education departments in New York City. They are claiming for excessive use of force and violation of her rights. Miss Gonzalez was caught scribbling "I love my friends Abby and Faith" on her desk during a Spanish class in February. The 12-year-old said her Spanish teacher then "dragged" her to the dean's office, where eventually police had to be called to deal with her. Miss Gonzalez told the New York Daily News she broke down as she was led out of Junior High School 190 in Queens in handcuffs. She said she was then held at a local school precinct for hours in what she calls a traumatising and excessive ordeal. New York City officials, considering that the schools and police have too much money, chose not to back them up and announced the arrest was a mistake, saying better judgement should have been used by the arresting officers. Miss Gonzalez was suspended from school and tried in a family court, where she was given eight hours of community service and ordered to write an essay about lessons to be learned from the incident. Her family's lawyer said the school had overreacted by calling the police. He of course did not mention any difficulties the dean's office had in dealing with her. "We want to stop this from happening to other young children in the future," the lawyer, Joseph Rosenthal, told the New York Daily News. Even if the schools and the police get off, the public admission of a mistake, instead of an internal action, will cost the city a lot of lawyer bills.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Andy Re: LCD monitors Dear Webby While shopping for an LCD monitor I noticed that some of them have a soft and flexible surface and others have a hard glass surface. Which are better? Andy Dear Andy The hard glass surface monitors are a class better than the ones with the soft plastic surface. The glass does not scratch and is not fussy about how you clean it. The soft plastic does not protect the fragile glass behind it, it just glosses over the coarse resolution of a cheap monitor. It gives you, at first glance, the impression that you got a reasonably high resolution, but when you look closer you see that fine details are mushy. Glass front monitors are usually more expensive, but provide a class better resolution. For example, on the Lenovo LP201p, that I use, writing that can be covered up with a wooden match, is perfectly legible, sharp and without jaggies, and it has the 1600 x 1200 resolution, that I need. yes, you CAN get 1600 x 1200 LCDs with proper 4:3 ratio, but not at Walmart or other bargain places. Even though good monitors costs more than bargain monitors, they still cost less than eye glasses. Have FUN! DearWebby
I find it strange that all those psychics claim they know my future and the winning lottery numbers, yet they fail miserably in predicting that I dump their mail without reading it.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grate Orange Rind Before Eating Before I eat an orange, or use the juice of a lemon, I always grate the rind off, and keep frozen in a container. Then when a recipe calls for either, I always have some zest on hand. Handy to have to whip up a special salad dressing, too! By Pergammano from Galiano, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell -- the nut has gone to heaven."

» feeding eagles at Comox
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Which mouse lasts longest? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 5, 2010

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. --- Mae West
John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. Mary: Are you wearing it now? John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's the best that money can buy. Mary: What kind is it? John: Twelve-thirty.
Morris was at his usual place sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of smarts and common sense. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest bozos get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "Because God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this piture: Should I pounce on my sister, or should I have a nap?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Franchesca Dominique Edwards, 25 from Norfolk, Virginia Naked in elevator A Norfolk woman was arrested at the new Hilton Hotel & Spa in Short Pump Friday night after being found nude in an elevator with a toy gun. According to Henrico Police, 25-year-old Franchesca Dominique Edwards was found after “strange noises” were heard in the elevator around 8:30 p.m. A hotel staff member asked Edwards to leave. When she refused, she pulled a fake gun, reportedly a cap pistol, on the employee, who then called police. Glamor Shot at the Cop Shop tastefully dressed in a prison shirt. The woman was arrested by authorities at the hotel, in the 12000 block of West Broad Street, in the parking lot. Edwards was charged with indecent exposure and brandishing a weapon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maryann Re: Which mouse lasts the longest? Dear Webby I use my computer a lot, and when I don't, my hubby does. It used to be that a decent mouse lasted as long as a computer, but that sure doesn't seem to be the case any more. My half year old Logitech mouse starts freezing the curser, and only unplugging it for a moment or moving it to another USB port gets it working again. Then it works for a few minutes, and freezes up again. Even though crawling under the table and unplugging and replugging the stupid mouse in the dark is probably good exercise, I am sick and tired of it. It's not the USB port. When I got fed up enough I borrowed an old mouse, on which the Paste button is worn out, from my son. Other than the missing Paste, it works fine and never freezes the curser. Is there any way to fix my wired Logitech Laser mouse? If not, which mouse lasts the longest? Thanks Maryann Dear Maryann That mouse has timed out, and is not fixable. If you bought it at Staples and you stil have the receipt, you can trade it in for another one. For the first six months, that is a great mouse, unfortuunately they die young if used a lot. If you don't have a receipt, or if you bought it at Walmart, dispose of it. The mice I get the most hours out of are Microsoft mice. The Laser 6000 and the Intellimouse Explorer both last a couple of years. They don't seem to count the usage hours, and their weak point is the first few inches of cable, not the electronics. THAT is easily fixable. Just shorten the cable a few inches, and it is good for another year or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cereal Bags to Leftover Store Ham This is the perfect way to save your Easter ham. A big ham fits perfectly in a recycled bag from a large box of cereal. For ham, I especially like the very large corn flakes bags. It's wonderful as you have no mess with going in and out of the bag as anything messy stays inside the bag. The ham can be "carefully" sliced inside the bag, if you're just slicing a small amount and don't want the mess. You can save the messy stuff inside the bag for future recipes. I save all cereal bags when the box of cereal has been eaten as they are too good to throw away. In my opinion, they are better than anything you can buy to store food or other things in. They're even good to cover seeds, that you have started indoors. Like Thrifty Fun, cereal bags are absolutely wonderful! By Suzy from Clinton, TN. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Neither of Sue's kids ever understood her logic. Somehow they failed to see why THEY had to go to bed when SHE was tired.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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» EGGS, not just for frying
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IE messing up Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter,  !

Remember what Easter is all about?


Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --- Sam Brown, Washington Post, 1977 I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. --- Gilda Radner
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Apolonio Lopez, 44, of Apolonio Lopez, 44, NM Sent in by Cat 18th DUI Man arrested 18 times for DWI Published : Friday, 02 Apr 2010, 11:27 PM MDT ALBUQUERQUE (KRQE) - An Albuquerque man who has 17 prior DUI arrests on his record was busted again Friday night after a Bernalillo County Sheriff's Deputy said the man almost rear-ended his police cruiser going 87 miles per hour. Apolonio Lopez, 44, was driving behind a deputy around midnight on Interstate 25 near the Albuquerque Sunport when he approached the deputy's car at a high rate of speed, according to a report from BCSO. The deputy said he was forced to swerve to avoid being hit by Lopez.After that, the deputy got behind Lopez and pulled him over. According to the report, Lopez smelled of alcohol and was slurring his speech. Lopez had a 0.18 percent blood-alcohol level, more than twice the legal limit, a BCSO spokesman said. He was out on probation Friday night for driving on a revoked license. "He has no reason to stop, he has none," Atkinson said. "Going through the court system seems to be a hobby for him." In addition to his 18th DWI arrest Friday, Lopez was also arrested for reckless driving and speeding. BCSO said the car he was driving belonged to someone he lives with.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nub Re: Hey Webby, Got a problem with the images in your letters. There aren't any, displayed anywhere, all I see are little boxes. If I click on a box, I get transferred to a copy of the letter with the images included. Sometimes I get a copy of the same letter I had to start with, sometimes to a letter which is completely different. I have Gmail and it has always served me well. I have had your letters for many years and never a problem. I enjoy your no nonsense, straight forward approach to the giving of advise to old goats like me that are Computer challenged. Thank you sir... Nub Dear Nub That sounds like a typical IE "feature". It seems that Microsoft is trying to start a pissing contest with Google. There have been no changes in the Humor Letter. The only thing that changed is the recent IE updates. The solution is switching to FireFox or any browser other than IE. The same emails suddenly look just fine and the way they are supposed to, when you view them with FireFox, Chrome, Opera, Safari or Camino. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Jai for this one: How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a" Leah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE Lay - a?? NO Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent. An ifn dey axe you how to ponounce L8r=a, it's like the honkeys would pronouce Latreesha, but wif an ebonic haxent.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shaving Cream for Emergency Carpet Cleaning After coming home from a twelve hour day at work, I was greeted by my loving, newly adopted Boxer! I was also met with a stench that would wake the dead, and when I looked inside my home. I saw a dog parent's worst nightmare: projectile diarrhea on my light beige carpet covering approximately 15 square feet! Having no name brand carpet cleaners in the house, I had to get creative and fast before I passed out from the sight and smell. To my surprise and delight the following procedure worked flawlessly for the stain and smell. I ran into the shower and grabbed my Gillette Foamy shaving cream. (After cleaning up what I could wearing gloves and a respirator), I squirted the foam on each of the separate 18 (yes 18) soiled areas. I let it sit for about 10-15 minutes. Then, with a towel that was dampened with hot water, I agitated the spots and EVERYTHING came out instantly! I have found this works better than all the name brand, expensive carpet-stain removers on the market! By Greg from Columbia, SC Editor's Note: Be sure to use the old fashioned white shaving cream. Using a gel based shaving product will not have the same effect and may stain your carpet. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Man: "Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?" Bystander: "It's a girl. She's my daughter." Man: "Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father." Bystander: "I'm not. I'm her mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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» Keeping the Young ones Busy
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Is it safe to uninstall IE8? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 3, 2010

The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. — Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and ran out swinging her rolling pin. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a half hour later with a black eye as well. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No sir," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
"I would like some vitamins for my son," the mother said as she walked into the pharmacy. "Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist. "It doesn't matter, he can't read yet."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Thaylin Shawn Pierce, of Billings, Montana Drunk at 11th DUI sentencing BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) - A 49-year-old Montana man who was intoxicated when he came to court for his trial on a felony drunken driving charge has pleaded no contest to his 11th DUI. Thaylin Shawn Pierce, of Billings, entered the plea Thursday. He's free on bond until his sentencing June 22, and will probably make it an even dozen by then. Pierce was charged in November 2008 after he tried to drive after being kicked out of a casino. His trial was scheduled to begin Wednesday, but the judge suspected Pierce was intoxicated. A breath test showed Pierce had a blood-alcohol level of 0.093 percent. Negotiations for a plea agreement began. One of the conditions was that Pierce had to return to court sober the next morning to enter his plea. Pierce has nine previous drunken driving convictions in Colorado and another one in Wyoming.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Guinn Re: Dear Webby, Hi, Webby. We got a new computer that should have had IE6 installed but find we have IE8 instead. I know that we can download IE6 but is it safe to do so and then uninstall IE8 and install IE6? Will it mess anything up? Thanks for any help you can give us, Guinn Dear Guinn I doubt that you can uninstall IE8 safely. Just use FireFox and don't worry about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man who smelled like a bar at closing time, flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained and his collar showed some liptsick smears. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?" "It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!" "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Glass Jars for Homemade Iced Tea Save money, calories and chemicals going into your body by re-purposing store-bought glass tea jars for homemade ice tea. Clean the bottles after you're finished with your drinks (or get friends to give you some), then make a big batch of tea on the stove by boiling water and adding the tea bags to steep. I add some honey to mine and then when it cools down, I pour it into the glass bottles. I keep these in the fridge (make caffeine-free and caffeinated ones separately) and grab when I'm going out the door. I save money on the tea, limit calories of a caffeinated soda, and don't have to ingest all those chemicals that come from a soda! By Erin from Blue Bell, PA Once it gets warm enough to really enjoy ice tea, you can easily make it in gallon pickle jars set in a sunny spot that is sheltered from the wind. In spring and fall you can use a miniature greenhouse like the ones made for growing herbs on window sills or a tomato cage with a clear plastic bag to shelter the jar. Make sure you don't put the lid on tight, because with a mini greenhouse it will come to a boil quite easily. Depending on my mood, I also toss a quarter lemon or orange in with the teabags. A one CDN gallon jug will fill 18 250 ml drinking bottles but only need 3 - 4 tea bags for sun tea. With the smaller US gallon jugs (3.8 Liters instead of 4.5 Liters) you can fill 15 of the 250 ml drinking bottles and 3 teabags are usually enough. To decant from the jug into drinking bottles, put a small non-slip pillow or sponge near the edge of the counter, set the jug on it and tilt it. If you have arthritis or klutzy members of the household, you can get a jug tipper for $16. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Morris and Sam have been at odds all through the school year, however, they decide to forgive each other for any unkind actions and thoughts for the holiday. "And," says Morris, "I wish you, what you would wish for me." Sam yelled, "Are you ALREADY starting getting hostile again?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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» Avoid Boredom
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Copy to another machine on the home network 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 2, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

A philosopher is a sort of intellectual yokel who gawks at things that sensible people take for granted." --- Alan W. Watts
Thanks to Art for this story: A property manager of single family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes! Ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Stalin appears before Vladimir Putin in a dream, and asks what he can do to help. "What can I do?" Putin groans. "The economy is collapsing, the miners are on strike, the army is useless and nobody treats us with any respect." "Shoot the entire government and then paint the Kremlin blue," says Stalin. "Why blue?" "I had a feeling you'd only want to discuss the second half."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rep. Hank Johnson, D-Georgia Rep. Hank Johnson: Guam could 'tip over and capsize' Johnson expressed his worries during a House Armed Services Committee hearing on the defense budget Thursday. Addressing Adm. Robert Willard, who commands the Navy's Pacific Fleet, Johnson made a tippy motion with his hands and said sternly, "My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize." Talking very strained and slowly, like somebody who was was trying to sound sophishicated after a large breakfast of spiked water melon and hash brownies, he also mentioned that he ish very concerned about glow-bull warming. Video of it is at http://snipurl.com/hankjo
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Megan Re: Copy to another machine on the home network Dear Webby, I need to copy a bunch of files from my laptop to the desktop once a day, but really don't want the rigmarole of manually stepping 27 levels deep down into Documents and Settings, etc. on both machines. There MUST be a better way for doing that! Megan Dear Megan First make sure you got the address bar on top of the File Explorer turned on. Next clear a spot on your desktop big enough for two icons, preferably along the edge, where you let the important icons peek around open windows. Open a File Explorer and waddle down to that folder on one machine. Open a second File explrer and waddle down to that folder on the other machine, ready to drag the files from one machine to the other. Now look at the address bar on top of each File Explorer. At the left of the address bar you will see a tiny icon. Drag that to the prepared spot on the desktop, and rename it to for example DskTop Do the same with the File Explorer showing the laptop, and rename the shortcut LAP From now on you just hit those two icons, and File Explorers will open up already set to those specific directories, ready for you to drag the files across. If you are not scared of the raw DOS command line, and if you or anybody is interested in it, I'll show you how to make a bat, that will copy the files across whenever you click on ONE icon. Have FUN! DearWebby
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Finding Extra Plants in Pony Packs I'm frugal, but do afford myself the "luxury" of buying the small plants for my backyard raised garden and flower beds. Today I decided to get started with the planting and stopped to by a few plants from a mom and pop's roadside stand not far from home. Upon examining the little four-packs, which they sell for $1.25, I realized that many of the packs had two or more plants growing in each of the four cups. By spending a little extra time looking, I was able to buy packs with as many as 9 plants in them rather than the 4 which are usually in the ones which come from the big box garden centers who get them from huge greenhouse operations. I saved money; I kept the profit to the merchant in our community; and I got very healthy plants that hadn't gone through several days of shipping and stocking. By Sandy from Elon, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only yesterday in 1898 it was made illegal to package children up and send them by parcel-post. Seems the kids kept getting out of their boxes and playing with the mail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Sign in a veterinarian's office: All unattended children will be given a free kitten.

» Whether the Weather
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Spell check Script error in IE 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 1, 2010

A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth. --- Edith Sitwell Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. --- PJ Orourke
From APC The Chinese Government has announced that it has leveraged it's 61% ownership of Yahoo-China into taking over the financially insolvent parent company. With the unlimited funds at their disposal, they plan to not only stop Google from annoying them, but to use the New Yahoo to beat them into bankruptcy. They announced that there will be no noticeable changes for Yahoo users. The yahoos are expected to blame the planned censoring on routine Yahoo malfunctions. Since the yahoos don't complain about those, China does not anticipate losing significant numbers of Yahoo subscribers.
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I can never remember where I park my car, where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor mused for a moment and considered the real priorities, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patricia Edwards, 51,in Sanford, Florida Florida Woman Robs Bank, Citing Her 'Bucket List' What's on your bucket list? For a Florida woman who says she suffers from leukemia and bipolar disorder, robbing a bank was something she wanted to do before she dies, she told MyFoxOrlando.com. Patricia Edwards, 51, walked into a Bank of America branch last week in Sanford, Fla., and handed a teller a note demanding money. "There was no plan, no nothing, just impulse," Edwards told the Web site in an exclusive interview from the Volusia County Jail. "I just walked by. I said, 'I'm gonna in there... passed a note to gain some cash and I left." Asked why she committed the crime, Edwards said: "Because it was something I had on my bucket list... I think everyone should have a list of things they want to do before they expire." Edwards, who was arrested three days later, said she suffers from non-terminal leukemia and bipolar disorder and was not taking her medication at the time. Edwards, who remains held on $20,000 bail on two counts of robbery, told MyFoxOrlando.com she regrets the bank heist.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ken Re: Spell check script error in IE Dear Webby, Lately about 95% of the time when I ask for "spell check" in my Google gmail I get the following instead of a spell check, something I need to make my mail look good. Stop running script? A script on this page is cusing Internet Explorer to run slowly. If it continues to run, your computer might become unresponsive. Thanks again for all your help. Ken Dear Ken That's just a routine Microsoft "feature". If you use FireFox, you will never see that problem again. There MIGHT be a fix for that "feature", but why bother? FireFox is way ahead and sooner or later you will upgrade to it anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby Not only did you solve my spell check problem, my butterfly problem (images not showing) disappeared too!! Big thanks!! Ken
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steel and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what do they really mean when they say 'NOTHING is bothering them', what are their true desires and needs? Basically... what makes them tick?!?" The genie stared at him for a while, and blinked a few times. Finally, after what seemed hours, he replied: "So, do you want two lanes on your bridge, or four?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Paper Easter Basket Too long for here You can read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds awoke early one morning. The couple had been up for quite a while before they met again in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with the husband, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Great! What are we having for breakfast?" he asked "Toast and juice." replied the bride.

» Best 100 of 0401
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$3 Earthlink Account 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 31, 2010


The strongest human instinct is to impart information, the second strongest is to resist it. --- Kenneth Grahame Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. --- Henry Ford
A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday. A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?" "Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she answers. The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the sound it makes." The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops it on the counter. He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15." Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same. "Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20." Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one. As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady feels the gasses produced by the beans at lunch to rumble and escape, but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is. Salesman says, "That'll be $25." "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?" "That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the stinkfish bait."
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a university graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Iulian Breazu, 24, in Sibiu, Romania Dancing while drunk driving A Romanian lorry driver, who was filmed dancing while driving his lorry with his feet, has lost his licence for drink driving. Iulian Breazu, 24, became an internet sensation when the clip of him frantically gyrating around his cab was uploaded onto YouTube. Authorities in his native Romania have now put the brakes on his antics after he was caught behind the wheel at more than double the drink drive limit. Traffic police in Sibiu confiscated his licence for 90 days - and ordered him to take a safety test before he gets it back. "He has clearly had it coming and the road is a safer place without him on it," said one officer. The dopy driver horrified thousands of road users with his film of himself dancing around his truck cab to wild gypsy music.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Re: $3 Earthlink Dear Webby, I noticed your note about a $9 Earthlink account this morning. I have had Earthlink for a number of years and I have been very satisfied with the service. Since going to a broadband connection and wishing to keep my Earthlink address, I now subscribe to the service that does not provide any dial up access which is less than $3/month and I am able to still maintain my Earthlink address. I am sure you are aware of this but perhaps your subscribers are not. Don Calhoun, GA Dear Don Earthlink has so many different plans, I doubt that I know about more than half of them. Sometimes, it seems, they make up a brand new, even better deal, on the spur of the moment. It definitely pays to chat with them! I have used Earthlink when traveling since 1995 and as backup for whenever my local DSL fails, for the last 10 years. Thanks for telling us about the $3 piggy-back deal! Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny sneaks up behind a girl and yells: "BOO!" "Hey!" exclaims the girl, you scared me half out of my pants!" Johnny responds: "BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rising Costs of 3D Movies Due to a recent a raise in the price of 3D movies you now are paying nearly $15 to see a movie in 3D in most areas. That's $5 more than seeing the non-3D version of the same movies. A family of four can save $20 by opting for the non-3D alternative. Lewis from Port Orchard, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write 500 times: ‘I drove through a red light even though I knew it is against the law.' !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He climbed out of the vat three times to go to the men's room."

» Quarter backs
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Email sending limit 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. --- Augusten Burroughs A clever man commits no minor blunders. --- Goethe
Thanks to Cookie for this: I was out with family and friends at a local pub, and I really stuck my foot in my mouth! They had a contest going on at the pub —and of course we all joined in. I was doing quite well, proud of being able to answer all the questions. I lost out on winning the pub quiz by one point. The question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?" Apparently its Africa
Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could/should have married.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dorota Mildrowska in Otwock, Poland. Snake in suspect's bra Police arresting a suspected drug dealer got the shock of their lives when a 4ft snake suddenly nipped out of her bra. The python had been curled up around the breasts of suspect Dorota Mildrowska in Otwock, Poland. Police had arrested her over bags of amphetamines which they'd found at her apartment. Officers admitted they had not searched her immediately after her arrest to avoid breaching her human rights. "We respect human rights and so no one thought to look inside her blouse," said a police spokesman. They resisted the temptation to immediately shoot the snake, but are still researching how many laws Dorota broke.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann D Re: Can't send more than 3 lines Dear Webby, - have to keep this small. How can I check to see if I have clicked the wrong thing? Can't send out any but the smallest emails. Tried Eudora, Thunderbird and Outlook..no luck. Can you help? Thanks Ann Dear Ann You mentioned on Skype that "Anything over about 3 lines it says that my provider has terminated... or some such words...they haven't...spent hours with the "techs" at Shaw to try and see if it was them." Ann, when 3 totally different email programs produce exactly the same error, then the problem is not at your end, it is at your provider's end. The error "provider has terminated" spells it out clearly enough. You can easily prove it to them by getting a $9 Earthlink account, and then use Eudora to mail them a 25 MB PPS file. If they still argue, send them the same file again with Thunderbird and Outlook. Shaw has good connectivity, but they are traditionally very weak on the email side. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Finally, when he could take it any longer, he jumped up, and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, Harold, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!" ------ That reminds me, ... do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola burns longer.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Picking Up Straight Pins I've been sewing on my kitchen table without using a pin cushion because I couldn't find it! So I took a lint brush, the sticky kind, to gather up the straight pins instead of sticking my fingers. Works great! By Tammy from NovaScotia, Canada Any magnet, even a fridge magnet, works fine too. Best are the flexible strip magnets for hanging up screwdrivers and pliers. If you glue a bit of sheet metal to the outside of your sewing box, you can attach the strip there. Needles, thimbles or scissors tossed in the general direction of the strip get snagged out of mid-air and neatly held. When done, you just peel the strip off the sheet metal anchor and toss it into the sewing box. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be. Then he put the second worm into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "If you drink whiskey you won't get worms!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

» Water Drop
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Facebook Virus? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 29, 2010


All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar
3 year-old Kelli went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host-in, this practise case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on Kelli. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
Two writers of modern poetry who had been bitter rivals for years met on a busy street corner. "You know, since we last met, my audience has increased!" the first said. "Congratulations!" the second one said. "How did you do it? By marriage or by adoption? "

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystal Gardner, 28, of Tool, Texas Woman tosses baby into SUV to block repo Mar 25, 4:18 AM (ET) DALLAS (AP) - A woman is accused of throwing her year-old son into her SUV in a failed attempt to stop the vehicle from being repossessed in Dallas. Krystal Gardner of Tool was jailed Wednesday on bail of nearly $3,800 on charges including child endangerment related to abandonment, no driver's license and no insurance. Recovery agent Luke Ross told KTVT-TV that he was in the Ford Expedition when he saw Gardner toss the baby through an open window. He said the baby landed on the seat "like a kid bouncing on a bed." Texas law bans a vehicle from being repossessed if a person is inside. Police were called. Krystal Gardner was arrested, the baby was removed for placement with his father. Ross then repossessed the SUV.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bertha Re: Facebook Virus Dear Webby, a couple of weeks ago, earthlink sent an email saying they would not deliver an email from facebook , I had deactivated the account because it had a virus, today someone sent me a note from there, when I went to log on to facebook, I had a note saying that there was a virus at the facebook account.. what do you suggest, I want to get in there and delete my account but I am afraid to, and I do not have virus protection. your expert advice is appreciated.. Bertha Dear Bertha I don't think you can infect Facebook. They don't use Windows, they use Linux. Most likely your computer is already infected. Those fake Facebook Virus messages are probably from the infection in your computer, not from Facebook. By not using virus protection, you are contributing to the spread of viruses. Have FUN! DearWebby
Wife: "I'm happy to see that the neighbors finally returned our lawn mower before they moved. They certainly had it long enough." Husband: "*Our* lawn mower? I just bought it at the garage sale they're having."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Q-Tips to Apply Goo Gone I absolutely LOVE the product Goo Gone! I use it a lot! I have discovered a very economical way to use this product. First, I buy the large package of cotton swabs at the Dollar Tree for $1.00. There were 300 swabs in the package that I purchased. Second, you can find a small bottle of Goo Gone also at the Dollar Tree. When I need to use Goo Gone, I simply put the tip of the cotton swab at the opening of the Goo Gone. I put just enough Goo Gone to fill the tip and begin using the loaded cotton swab on the stickiness that I need to remove. I use the stem of the swab as my tool to work the sticky off the surface. If I don't need to use the other end, I just pop the swab into two pieces and discard the used side. I save the other end for the next time. By Southeastgeorgiapeach from Jesup, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day little Johnny was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. "My budgie bird died and I'm burying him," Johnny replied. "That's an awful big hole for a little bird, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your big, fat, dead cat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the gates there are two lines. One has a sign over it that States "I did everything my wife told me to." The second line has a sign that states, "I made my own decisions." Joe comes up and gets in the first line that wraps around and around and goes on for eternity. As he's standing there he notices the second line only had one man standing in it. He asks the guys in front of him, "Who does he think he is? Yeah right he made his own decisions. " After long thought and not coming up with any reason for why this man was standing in the line by himself he goes up to him asks why he is in that line. The man replies, "I don't really know. My wife told me to stand over here."

» Unseen Academicals
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Are computers getting dumber? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 28, 2010


Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. --- W. C. Fields All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. --- Nick Diamos
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
Seen on a T-shirt: "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
Thanks to dad for this picture: Echinomastus-acunensis
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Memeth J in Basel, Switzerland Too hot to handle A punter's night in a transexual brothel turned out hotter than he'd bargained for when a fire swept through the place trapping him naked on the balcony. The horrified customer risked burning to death rather than reveal his face once he realised TV crews and cameramen were watching the blaze in Basel, Switzerland. He was only persuaded to leave the balcony when firefighters promised to let him cover his face. "I just hope people can't tell who I am from my bottom," explained the punter, identified only as Memeth J by police to spare his blushes. "I'm gay and was visiting a friend but my family don't know about me so I couldn't show my face."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alexa Re: Computers getting dumber Dear Webby, Is it just me, or is it true that the quality and performance of laptops has gone down? You can't even get any with regular screens any more, just the low height rejects. Are they keeping the ones, that are good enough for regular screens for first class countries? The same goes for the Operating System. Nobody, except a few paid magazine writers, wants that flakey Vista or W7 that Microslop is trying to force down our throats. I have tried them on other people's computers, and both Vista and W7 are pathetic. I am not a conspiracy fanatic, but it sure feels to me as if something is afoot to dumb down the masses to the same pathetic level our education system is in. Is it just me, or is that what is going on? Alexa Dear Alexa I was at the computer store today, getting a cable, when I witnessed an incident, that really opened my eyes. There was this lady, who, judging by her posture, vocabulary, and volume must have been a drill sergeant, or maybe she still is. She was extremely displeased about all the shiny new laptops there having the sawed off low height screens, and called the prim and proper salesman a "Useless Skunk-fu***r" for trying to ram sawed off rejects at Americans, while Asians get the good full size screens. I admit, she had a very valid point there, and she sure got it across at max volume. Shy and demure were probably the only words not in her vocabulary. Then she realized that all machines were pre-loaded with Windows 7, and really got hostile. When it looked like she was going to toss the salesman through the display isle any moment, I tapped her on the shoulder, and motioned "Outside" with my head. I'll say this for her, she was instantly in control, stopped in mid word and followed me outside. There I suggested that she not waste her time with those idiots, just go to Staples online and buy a refurb XP laptop with regular screen for $350, to tide her over until she could order a decent new machine from Asia or Europe. Chances are, though, that a refurb like that will do her just fine for many years. That sure made her day! Alexa, hopefully that information will help you too. Yes, there is indeed something nefarious going on, when people have to buy refurbished old machines, if getting work done is a priority. The new ones are just not good enough. I too use those refurb XP machines from Staples. They have good 4:3 ratio screens, not the sawed off rejects, and they come pre-loaded with XP-Pro. AND, Staples delivers them without charge. They can't keep them stocked in stores, but ship them instantly, if you order them online. By the way, they ship it in a box stuffed with wadded up recyclable brown paper, that you can toss onto the compost pile. No hassle with foam and plastic. Have FUN! DearWebby
In the toilet at a client's office, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Install a Carbon Monoxide Detector Carbon Monoxide Detector (Too lng to print here) Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologised and said he didn't realise that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!!!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened.

» Touchables
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No sound in PPS 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 27, 2010


No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. --- Flannery O'Connor
Thanks to Carol for sending this link to today's new volcano Awesome pictures!
Thanks to Dianne for this story: A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi in Bnei Brak ( a town in Israel ). ' 'Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me,'' she says. ' 'Who will be the lucky one?'' The wise old Rabbi answers: "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one."
A father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family." Son replied, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who believes I'm a schmuck?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an improperly dressed drunk in Sudbury, Ontario Sent in by Jackie Man in underwear charged with impaired driving SUDBURY, Ont. - A man who showed up at a convenience store in sub-zero weather wearing only a jacket and underwear has been charged with impaired driving offences. Sudbury police said when officers arrived at the store Thursday night, they determined the man was intoxicated and had driven to the store. His car was towed and police suspended his licence for 90 days. The 41-year-old man is charged with impaired operation of a motor vehicle and blowing over the legal alcohol limit for driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: No sound in PPS Dear Webby, I use ‘Open Office” as you advised but…I cannot get sound when I play pps files in it. Can you help me out with this problem? Thanks, Cookie Dear Cookie Hit F5 to play the PPS. It knows that usually you just try to snag pictures, so it opens that way by default. F5 switches to Auto-Play. ESC switches back. Have FUN! DearWebby
While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona truckstop, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and Bea celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Mesa. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and visit her."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reviving Limp Celery and Carrots I had some celery in my fridge which had gone really soft and limp. I was complaining about it to a friend (since it was almost an entire stalk!) and he told me that the celery was just dehydrated and it was easy to get it back to its original state. Just cut the bottom of the stalk, then use a pitcher or vase, fill with water and put your celery in. Within a few days it will be crisp again! This can also be done with carrots (bottom part at the bottom of the pitcher). By Lisa from Halifax, NS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." Men's Counter-Quote of the Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," he commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."

» TV Theme Song Quiz
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Fix ActiveX problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 26, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops


And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --- Abraham Lincoln I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 53 year old drunk driving mother in Detroit Detroit mother arrested for being drunk while driving to daughter's school Police arrested a Detroit mother on a charge of drunken driving, after her daughter refused to get into the car with her as the woman tried to pick the girl up from Ferndale High School on Friday mid-afternoon. The woman was arraigned Saturday on charges of driving drunk, fourth offense; driving with a suspended license, and possession of marijuana. A field sobriety test found the woman's blood-alcohol level at 0.28, more than three times the legal limit of 0.08, Ferndale Police Lt. William Wilson said. She was given a $56,000 cash bond at her arraignment in 43rd District Court and is being held in the Oakland County Jail, Wilson said. "This is a serious case with the repeat offenses, and going right on the school grounds, makes it extremely treacherous," Wilson said Monday. School staff called police after the woman, 53, appeared drunk when she asked the principal to call her daughter out of class about 3:30 p.m. Her daughter refused to get into the car with her. The Free Press is not naming the woman to avoid racial profiling and to protect the girl's identity. A responding Ferndale police officer watched the woman try to park the car, administered sobriety tests and then arrested her. Investigators who searched the car found marijuana and the prescription drug Xanax. A computer check showed that the woman had been convicted of drunken driving four times, was driving with a suspended license and had a warrant out for her arrest, Wilson said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Active X not working Dear Webby, Thanks for all the great information, laughs, and just plain good fun. I soo need your help. I recieved a message on my PC that my Active x is turned off, therefore, I'm unable to see all of the graphics. I am using a Dell Office Pro PCw/ Internet Explorer XP. Please Tell me how to either turn it back on, or how to re-install it. Thank you so very much. Alice Dear Alice From Settings, Control Panel in the Start menu, or from Tools on the Internet Explorer menu bar, select Internet Options. Click on the Security tab, then the Custom Level button. Then click on the checkmarks for ActiveX (there is more than one). That should do the trick. If you use FireFox, you don't have to worry about ActiveX. Have FUN! DearWebby
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Wood Shavings in the Garden Place wood shavings around your plants to prevent them from getting sandy from rain or watering. This also retains moisture, conserving water, and prevents weeds from growing through. Wood shavings can be bought at many garden shops. They may also be available from cabinet builders or wood workers. By Marilyn from Colfax, LA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'intelligence'?" The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand at the last moment, and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!" The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, Take your shovel and hit my hand."

» Lilies Wild & Tame
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HP.exe problem and Sasser worm 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 25, 2010


Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --- Letterman
A young couple had a flat tire outside the fence of a mental institution. The wife was leery of the inmates wandering inside the compound, but there was a swift creek separating them and her husband said it was OK. He took off the four lug nuts and set them into the hubcap to keep them from rolling away. Well, when he rolled the spare tire along the car, he rolled it over the edge of the hubcap and the nuts went flying into the creek. He tried wrapping a coathanger around the lug bolts, but as soon as he lowered the car, the wheel popped off to the great amusement of the spectators behind the fence. After a few more similarly hilarious attempts, finally an inmate behind the fence told the young man to take one nut from each of the other tires and put them on the spare. It would be safe enough to get them to a service station a few miles away. "That's pretty smart for a guy in your place," the husband said. The inmate replied: "I may be crary, but I'm not stupid."
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Nicalaskey and Cesasr Alvarez-Jennings and two women in Anchorage, Alaska Teens steal pizza, face SWAT team Written by Jason Zasky as part of Failure Analysis March 23—The pizza at Sicily’s in Anchorage, Alaska, must be really, really good. So good that it’s worth dying for—or at least spending years in prison. On Sunday night, four youths—two 19-year-old males and two females (ages unknown)—robbed a Sicily’s Pizza delivery driver at gunpoint. The driver resisted and a struggle ensued, but the quartet eventually secured the pizza and ran off. They did not take the driver’s money. The driver followed one of the females—who apparently wasn’t as fleet of foot as her accomplices—to a nearby apartment. When Anchorage police arrived on the scene they took the slow girl into custody, but the males—Joseph Nicalaskey and Cesasr Alvarez-Jennings—and the other female barricaded the door and refused to come out. “They communicated to the officers that they knew they were going to jail and didn’t want to come out because they wanted to eat the pizza,” said Lt. Dave Parker. Police subsequently called in a SWAT team, which broke into the apartment and arrested the trio. The males were charged with first-degree robbery, third-degree assault, and resisting an officer. The females were charged with robbery and assault. Read more: http://failuremag.com/index.php/failure ... z0j9twMA8G
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: HP.ex and Lsass problem Dear Webby I have been receiving this error message at start-up for a few days, Runner Error: Runner file name (Updates from HP.exe) lacks a '-' and I have no idea how to deal with it. In addition, I have received an error message twice this week telling me that my system was going to be shut down and re-started. I was given 60 seconds to close all programs. I only had time to write down part of the message that referenced lsass.exe. Any idea if this could be caused by a virus? I am running BitDefender on Windows XP. I assume these are two separate problems, but I really don't know. Any information or suggstions you might have would, once again, be greatly appreciated! Thank you, Webby! Helen Dear Helen That could be a problem with the HP software. Try HP Support chat: http://www.hp.com/country/us/en/supp...isplay=support Enter your model number, then on the bottom right it should give you the online chat support option. HP support is not nearly as bad on the text chat as they are on the phone. It could also be that your machine is infected with the Sasser (lsass) worm, but HP should be able to tell you whether the HP.exe is acting like the Sasser worm, or if HP is only one or a bunch of problems. The 60 second shutdown warning is actually a typical sign of the Sasser worm. The most common sign is that your machine will indicate that there is a problem and will reboot in 60 seconds. The message caused by Sasser should indicate that the problem is in LSASS.EXE. Another sign of infection is that it will prevent you from going to or downloading McAfee or any anti-virus programs that can kill the worm. It doesn't block the freebie programs that are no threat to it. There are quite a few programs on the net that can get rid of Sasser. Look for one that is not currently blocked by your worm. Good Luck! DearWebby
A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate, yes, for sure, my dear, but in the House we don't call each other thieves."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Kids School Projects As our children grow, we save a lot of the "odd" things they make at school, church, etc. In scrapbooking, it is impossible to include most of those items. You don't want to toss it, "Timmy made it" for me. So do the next best thing and then you can scrapbook it and "scrap it" too! Take a clear photo of the item, place it in your scrapbook and journal the details, then toss the item. If you think your child might want to see it one last time, ask if they do first. Otherwise, you have the memory but not the box of stuff you have nothing else you can use it for. By Robin from Dover, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Joe, John and Big Bob were moving furniture. While Joe and John were struggling with a particularly heavy oak wardrobe. Joe noticed that Big Bob was nowhere in sight. "John, where's Big Bob?" asked Joe. "He should be helping us with this thing." "He is helping," said John, "He's inside holding the clothes hangers in place!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The President was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat treehuggers and politicians, and they sweat gasoline."

» Popular Science 1950 Edition
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Cleaning keyboards 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass-produced with unskilled labor. --- Werner von Braun
A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell - me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is - m - ass - out?" "Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked."
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carly Houston, 29 of naperville, Illinois Sent in by Jackie Z Jailed woman called 911 A woman who was arrested and thrown in a jail cell was charged again while sitting in her cell after she allegedly made a call to 911 saying she was "trapped." The Naperville Sun newspaper reports Carly Houston was arrested early Sunday morning in Naperville, Illinois, after she allegedly got in a heated argument with a cab driver. Police told the 29-year-old Chicago woman she could call a relative or friend to come post her bail. Instead, the woman allegedly called 911, telling the dispatcher she was "trapped inside the Naperville police detention facility." The newspaper reports Houston was initially charged with theft of labour or services, criminal trespass and disorderly conduct. She was later also charged with making a false 911 report. http://www.torontosun.com/news/weird/20 ... 28111.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Cleaning keyboard Dear Webby We had an argument at work about cleaning keyboards with canned air. I distinctly remember that you got quite irate about that idea a few times. Do you still feel that way about it? Frank Dear Frank Yes, and I always will feel that way about it. I highly recommend turning the keyboard upside down, and repeatedly and emphatically beat anybody, who wants to use canned air, over the head with it. That will shake all the cookie crumbs, paperclips, french-fry fragments, etc. out and won't hurt the keyboard at all. Then, if you didn't hit the bonehead hard enough or often enough, use a vacuum cleaner to get any remaining dirt out. After that, spray it lightly with Window cleaner and wipe it with a moist, but not dripping, soft sponge. Dry with an old t-shirt rag or any soft and absorbent rag. Canned air contains difluoroethane, or propane, or similar propellant, and is explosive, when used indoors. Or in vehicles. The guy who used canned air in this truck had to spend four days in hospital afterward. I bet he would have preferred it, if some kind soul had gonged him with a keyboard and 'splained things to him before he did that. In addition to that, dumb kids "huff" that stuff, because it makes them feel dopey, and every year a few of them die from that. Why risk all that, just to blow dirt from place A to place B? If you don't have a bonehead talking in favor of using canned air, or recommending VISTA, stick the keyboard into a garbage bag, and bash it upside down onto a desk or the floor. All the dirt will fly out of it and be neatly contained in the bag. Then vacuum, spray, wipe and dry it, and it is clean. Have FUN! DearWebby
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My TV is broken."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Grateful for What You Have The recession has taught me the difference between wants and needs, and how grateful I am to have a warm home, loving family and friends. Some things money just can't buy! By Mary from Marshalltown, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't think that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."

» Aurorae
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Is there an F1 Virus? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. --- Michael Crichton
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."
Thanks to my dad for thios picture: This one bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Mercado, 20, New York Juror accused of credit card theft NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in New York said a juror in a credit card theft trial allegedly stole a fellow juror's credit card to use on lunch break shopping sprees. Investigators said Jennifer Mercado, 20, who was sitting on a jury for a burglary, grand larceny and possession of a stolen credit card trial, allegedly swiped fellow juror John Postrk's American Express card and used it to buy $500 worth of merchandise, the New York Daily News reported. Mercado claimed Postrk, 49, gave her permission to use the card March 8 because "he came on to me." "It's a he-said, she-said situation. In court, they will find out he's lying," she said. Postrk said prosecutors have asked him not to speak about the case. Mercado, who was removed from the jury, was arrested March 12 and charged with grand larceny, stolen property, identity theft and unlawful use of a credit card. She faces up to four years in prison if convicted.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moo Mom Re: Is there an F1 Virus? Webby? Is there such a thing as F 1 Key Virus going around ???????????? Some one sent me something as a virus warning for this. Thanks, Moo Mom Dear Moo Mom Yes, there is indeed a virus that activates when you hit F1 AFTER an email or page tells you to do that. If any email or page tells you to hit F1, get outa there fast! Without clicking on anything at all. Hitting F1 is OK if it is your own idea, and not somebody elses, but even then it is safer to click on HELP than hitting F1. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save and Reuse Snack Containers When I purchase pudding, yogurt or even jello, I save the plastic containers and wash them thoroughly with soap and water. They are the right size to either put snack such as raisins or trail mix in for kids. They are the perfect size to put paint and water in when kids want to paint. I love this because the containers are small enough for kids to hold. My daughter loves it. By Chris from Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache, - and no horns."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he replied that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from. Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received a frantic phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers. The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included. "Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFORE my husband comes home for lunch!"

» Gypsy Vanner
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Alternative to WinZip 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 22, 2010


An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. --- Anatole France
A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous." There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console. The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some football. Inside the TV, the repairman was all squashed up and getting hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door. The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?
Thanks to Donna for this picture: We live in Plano (Collin County) TX..population a little over 200,000 and about 20 miles north of Dallas. Sure enjoy your newsletter and all of your expertise. I save all of your hints in a folder aptly named Webby's Hints for future reference. Donna
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dragutin Cabor, 19, of Edmonton, Alberta Sent in by Jackie Z Thief busted after flipping off cops KENORA, Ont. -- In hindsight, an Edmonton man should have let the Kenora OPP officer pass him by without drawing attention to himself. However, after waving his hands at a passing officer on patrol in the area of Highway 17A and Highway 641 and continuing to the point of a rude gesture, the hitchhiker had the officer at the point of feeling a need to address the subject's actions. The officer learned the man wanted a ride to the nearest town. After some discussion the officer chose to assist the man and in the process became aware of two credit cards that did not belong to him. The officer decided to look further into the property in his possession. The investigation revealed the man was in possession of two stolen credit cards, stolen GPS, iPod charger and a Black Berry which he had obtained from various sources while travelling through Winnipeg. Dragutin Cabor, 19, of Edmonton has been charged with possession of property obtained by crime. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 6-qmi.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Win Zip alternative Hi Webby Is there anything else I can use besides Win Zip to open Zip files ? Mike in Nevada Hi Mike Yes, sure! There are lots of zip programs available free. One that comes to mind is 7-zip from http://www.7-zip.org/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Two old farmers were discussing how productive their bulls were. One farmer said he had a problem with his bull but the vet gave him some medicine and he was jumping on everything on the farm. The other farmer said his bull was not doing to well either and asked what medicine the vet used so he could get some. The first farmer said he didn't know the name of the medicine but it tasted like chocolate.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an "Old" Slipper for Waxing Floors This is a cleaning tip with funny story! I was preparing to wax my floor the "old fashioned way" as my mom always did, on my hands and knees, when I remembered a pair of plush slippers that my daughter just threw out due to a crack along the bottom of them. Since I didn't have the waxing mop that this product called for, I just slipped my hand into the slipper and turned it upside down on my hand and used the top portion of her slippers! I really felt like a genius until I slipped out of my new slippers into shoes to get the mail and upon my return, accidentally grabbed and used my new slippers to finish the waxing job! Guess I need to change my name from AHA to HAHA! Keep Smiling! Source: This could ONLY come from MY MIND! ;) By AHA! from Sterling, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic? A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5. A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 -- but that is just not good enough for her. (or him)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."

» Lens Captures
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Can I use Irfanview for re-sizing? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 21, 2010


If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a *tiger*?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an American illegal border crosser. Sent in by Jackie Z Bordercrosser with axe, guns on bike stopped by cops By QMI Agency Saskatoon police have arrested a man they say crossed the border from the U.S. on a bike, carrying guns and an axe. The man, whose name hasn't been released, crossed over into Bromhead, Saskatchewan., according to a police statement. He faces five customs charges and nine weapons charges, and is set to appear in court on March 22. Police say the man told officers he was en route to visit a friend in Regina, and meant no harm. http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2 ... 94331.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Can I use Irfanview for re-sizing? Dear Webby, These pics are very unusual. They are very colorful. Thanks for sharing. You talked about infaview for viewing & some editing of photos. Are there any other good free programs to use to edit photos. I mainly want to be able to open & resize pictures & lighten them. I usually try to resize them to 480H x 640W to email them & put on disk to save. I was using Microsoft Picture It 7 but after having my pc reformatted I can't access it the way I used too. Thanks again for sharing your tips & humor with us. Sharon Dear Sharon yes, Irfanview would do nicely for that. There is a link to it in my Tool Box Just above that, there is a link to GIMP. Many people claim that the free GIMP is just as good as the $900 Adobe Photoshop. Personally, I use PaintShopPro, and have used it for 20 years now. If I didn't have PaintShopPro, I would probably use GIMP, because for what I do, it would be difficult to justify $900. Have FUN! DearWebby
I have been asked for more church bulletin board Ooopses. Most of these I have printed before at various times, but here is a batch that you can take to church today: *Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford" *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather. *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working... *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess *We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Today's tip is too long to fit here. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old farm house with a large spread of woods behind it. One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said "Yes, sure, but would you do me a favor? The ol' bull in the corall there beside the house is on his last legs and I know he is sufferin', would you kindly put him down for me? I don' have the heart to." As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and said "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his property!" and shot the old bull. After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and another one, and one of the other hunters proclaim, "Yea, we'll show him... I got the cow and the calf, too!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda went into the local bookstore and saw this big display with a sign saying "Newly Translated from the Original French: 37 Mating Positions." Noticing the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, she just had to buy one. Once safely at home, she opened it and found that she had just purchased a very expensive book about chess.

» Honey
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Irfanview for printing PPS pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 20, 2010


The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. --- Larry Hardiman The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors. --- Socratex
A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through the pages of a Boston Pizza menu.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied: "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would recognize."
Sea Slugs
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 20 year old former driver in Kelowna, BC Sent in by Jackie Z Smoking pot next to cop KELOWNA, B.C. — Lesson one for new drivers - don‘t drive and smoke pot from your bong next to a police van. A 20-year-old Kelowna, B.C., man learned that the hard way when a prisoner van covered with RCMP decals pulled up next to his passenger side at a red light. The driver reached for a glass bong, placed marijuana in the bowl, lit it and inhaled the smoke. “The policeman (was) right there, not more than five feet away,” said RCMP Const. Steve Holmes. “Clearly, the driver was oblivious to the large, white, fully marked police van.” Holmes said the Mountie pulled the man over and smelled the burning pot inside his car, which contained a small amount of cannabis and displayed an N sticker to designate a new driver. The man received a 24-hour driving suspension for operating a vehicle under the influence and a ticket for driving without reasonable consideration. The car was towed away, and the Insurance Corp. of B.C. must now determine whether he should be allowed to keep driving, Holmes said. (Kelowna Daily Courier) -------- BC is Canada's equivalent of California.Very Socialist, even the mandatory car insurance (ICBC) is run by the provincial Goverment. If they cancel his insurance, without refund, the car stays off the road. And just like in California, a lot of people in BC are not really sure, if Marijuana is legal or not. The RCMP is more interested in hard drugs, but obviously, blowing smoke at them is not a good idea.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Irfanview Dear Webby, do you know anything about downloading Irfanview? Is it worth downloading and what is it used for? Someone told me you can print pictures from a power point picture with it. As always, I respect your thoughts and enjoy all that you send us. Carolyn Dear Carolyn Irfanview is a fairly good image viewer, and because it is free, it is quite popular. If you don't have a real graphics program like PaintShopPro, Corel Draw, Photoshop or GIMP, it is definitely helpful. You can do some basic graphic editing like resizing, cropping, rotating, sharpening, etc., but the user interface definitely takes some getting used to. Like PaintShopPro, it is easy on the computer resources, and won't bog down the machine. If you want to go a bit further than the very basics, there are a bunch of plug-ins that you can download and add into it. Keep in mind, though, it is intended as a VIEWER, with occasional, rare editing, not as a full featured graphics program. If you just want to print some pictures from a Powerpoint presentation, you can use Open Office. Just set the printer to for example Landscape, sized to fit the page, then go to the picture that you want, and hit the printer icon. Just don't tell the kids, or your ink will be empty. Have FUN! DearWebby
A preacher was really hitting his stride one Sunday, delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation. Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood. Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher roared, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?" One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet. "So, Brother Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?" Quietly the man replied, "No, Reverend, I'm just standing for my wife's previous husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Eliminating Leftovers and Food Waste It seems I am the only person in my home that will eat leftovers. Would you throw cold hard cash in the garbage pail or down the garbage disposal? Of course not, but allowing leftovers to go uneaten or allowing dairy products and produce to go bad is the equivalent of throwing money away. To demonstrate this, try this experiment for one week: Each time you throw a meal size serving into the garbage, set aside $2 (the approximate cost of a Lean Cuisine meal). In the same fashion, set aside the equivalent cash for each container of milk, sour cream, half consumed bottles of pop, half eaten pop tarts, bags of chips and stale or moldy sandwich bread you dispose of. You will be appalled at the amount of money you are throwing away! I guarantee if you do this for several weeks you will reduce your grocery bills. Plan on having a leftover meal a week to use up those leftovers or freeze and take in your lunch instead of purchasing a frozen meal. Do not purchase perishable items unless you have a plan to use them before they expire. As potatoes or onions near their shelf life, cut and freeze for hash browns or to use in casseroles in the future. Place a large container in the freezer and place tablespoons of vegetables or roast beef into it. When the container is full, we add a can of tomato sauce and have a deliciously rich beef vegetable soup. This is a great way to use up leftover vegetables! With a bit of practice you can slash your grocery bills and stop throwing money away - literally! By Diana from Prospect, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the rental car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill." So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal. "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. "Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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When Patty, was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Rory, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end. One night, when Rory and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Miss America pageant. When Patty asked if Rory could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to discontinue the tradition. At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant's measurements: 38-22-34. "Rory," his mom asked, "what are those numbers?" The boy thought for only a moment before responding, "Ninety-four?" Rory got to spend the night....

» Behind 4 civic groups
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Juno for DSL 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 19, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." --- B. F. Skinner
A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me to church and everywhere with them."
A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing and with whom?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathanael Christian, 21, in Paul's Valley, Oklahoma 'Religious' man watched porn at churches PAULS VALLEY, Okla. (UPI) -- Oklahoma police said a man accused of breaking into churches to watch porn told investigators he targeted the facilities because his family is "very religious." Pauls Valley police said Nathanael Christian, 21, was charged with four counts of second-degree burglary for allegedly breaking into four churches on at least eight occasions to use the Internet connections at the facilities to view pornography, The Oklahoman reported. Investigators said Christian made $300 worth of calls to phone-sex lines during one break-in and stole laptop computers during two of the crimes. Detective Derrick Jolley said police asked Christian why he targeted churches. "(Christian) just said 'my family has always been very religious' with a look on his face that indicated it made sense to him," Jolley said. Jolley said Christian, who was being held at the Garvin County jail, admitted to the break-ins and told police where to find the stolen laptops.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elizabeth Re: Juno for DSL Dear Webby: Re: the letter from Bob about faster internet service through a phone line, I use Juno DSL. After using Juno dial-up for 8 years, I switched to DSL 2 years ago and am very happy with it. Let Bob know about this option. I do have friends, though, who use Comcast and are generally pleased with it, though it occasionally "goes down." Elizabeth New Jersey Dear Elizabeth That is good to hear! Juno has a reputation of being a free or cheap, but slow last resort in rural areas, where you can't get anything else. I am glad that they are now offering high speed DSL too, at least in some parts of the US. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Color Seeds With Flour for Planting When you are about to sow your vegetable or flower seeds, you will find that the color of the very small seeds, blend in with the color of the earth. My tip is to mix the seeds with a little baking flour. You will then sow the seeds evenly in the dark soil. The result being even rows, and not over seeded. By Dunno from Malvern, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody fixes the lock on the gate."

» Endangered Species
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Wants faster Internet 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 18, 2010

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. --- Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Late one afternoon, the Air Force guys out at Area 51 are surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impound the aircraft and haul the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story is that he took off out of Las Vegas, got lost and found the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force starts a full security check on the guy and hold him overnight. The next day they are finally convinced that the guy really was lost and is not a spy. They gas up his airplane, give him a terrifying "you did not see a base" briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison. They say Vegas is that-a-way on this heading and send him off. The next day, here comes the Cessna again. Once again the MPs surround the plane, only this time there are two people in the plane. The same pilot jumps out and says: "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and SHE DEMANDS to know where I was last night."
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pasquale Manfredi, 33, in Calabria, Italy Mafia suspect caught on Facebook Italian police have tracked down one of the country's most-wanted fugitive mafia suspects - on Facebook. Pasquale Manfredi, 33, was on Italy's 100 Most Wanted List and had been on the run for a year, reports The Sun. He called himself Scarface, after the film character, and was accused of being one of the top figures in the Ndrangheta mafia. The 33-year-old, who faces charges of murder, mafia association and drug trafficking, was seized in Calabria. Officers had been tipped off that Manfredi was on Facebook and regularly logged on using his laptop. Using electronic surveillance equipment, officers managed to track Manfredi to an apartment in Isola Capo Rizzuto, near Crotone in southern Italy. According to Italian newspaper La Repubblica, he was arrested as he tried to escape from the roof of the apartment complex. Manfredi had more than 200 friends on his Facebook site and police are going through them systematically, to see if any of them are involved in Mafia activity or are wanted.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Wants faster Internet Dear Webby: I currently have dial-up internet service and I am trying to figure out if I can get a faster internet service through a phone line (rather than using cable). What are my options? Thanks. Bob Dear Bob AOL has never been accused of being second slowest. Check out local ISPs, or Earthlink.net, or Comcast.net or even Verizon. Chances are pretty good that you can get faster dial-up and maybe even DSL. I get 2.4 Mbps (about 70% of 3 Mbps) DSL over the phone line from a local ISP. And for back-up I have dial-up with Earthlink. Have FUN! DearWebby
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, The head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, the entire staff was to submit entries that would save money for the firm. The winner was a man in my department who suggested we post corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He got a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock. A memo announcing the prize was printed and mailed out to 200 people who walked past the bulletin board every day.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An elderly couple was watching television one evening. "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now," the wife said. Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the husband. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast."

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Firewall turned off by malware 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Happy St Patrick's Day!

In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it. ---George Bernard Shaw Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. ---George Bernard Shaw
Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out anywhere near as fast as Paddy. So he sent her off to the doctor. She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said: "Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!" Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in town and she'll know." So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs. As Paddy helped her up he asked her what happend. "Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a 'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'! So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to D'Ann Seidell Bochese, 45, of Windham, Maine Too drunk and not wearing a seatbelt STANDISH, Maine -- The Cumberland County Sheriff's Department said alcohol, speed, and failure to wear seat belts played a major role in a fatal crash over the weekend in the town of Standish. Investigators said Tyler Gordon, 22, of Standish, was driving westbound at a high-rate of speed on Oak Hill Road -- near Serena Lane -- when D'Ann Bochese, of Windham, attempted to pass him. Bochese's car hit Gordon's and they both went off the road and traveled through a field about 200 feet before coming to a stop. D'Ann Bochese, who had not been wearing a seatbelt, was ejected from her vehicle and her body was found in a tree, 40 feet above ground. She was killed instantly. A passenger in her vehicle, Justin Gordon, 24, of Standish, a brother of the driver of the car that she hit, who had also not been wearing a seat belt, was also thrown from the vehicle. He is in critical condition at Maine Medical Center. Gordon's 1997 Subaru Legacy flipped end over end several times, coming to rest on its wheels. He and his two passengers, Chad Violette, 33, of South Portland and Zeke Malnchuck, 26, of Presque Isle were able to get out of the vehicle and back to the road on their own and were later sent to Maine Medical Center for a check-up.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joseph Re: Firewall turned off by malware Dear Webby. In response to the letter from Ann S in this issue. I kept getting the same messages and could not open any programs or E mails . Then at times I could and then the message would pop back up and mess up my computer again. To make a long story as short as possible the last popup said I needed to download XP 2010 anti virus to fix the problem . Looked like a legit site so gullible me , I did it after sending 50 bucks . Then the problems went away. But , I started thinking something was not right .No way to uninstall, and a lot of other things that did not seem right. E mailed the address on the web site and tried calling the phone number. No results from either . A few days later I checked my credit card account and found I was billed for 50 bucks from , would you believe, WORLDWIDE SOFT.COM -- MOSCOW RUS . I got screwed . Free anti virus installed at the time . Don't know if my computer is still infected but seems to be working ok now. Now have a 30 day free trial of Avast .Am waiting to decide on avast. What u tink? Also my internet provider ( Verizon) offers a antivirus program . Please use my experience for others if you wish but please don't use my name because I am embarrassed !. Thanks for all your good tips and advice and a great letter ! Joseph Dear Joseph Sometimes the free programs, that are not quite good enough to sell, are not quite good enough protection. "XP 2010 anti virus" is the same crap as "XP 2009 anti virus" or "XP 2008 anti virus". Just a phoney scam to extort money from you. Removal instructions are here: Remove XP 2010 Print them out and follow them step by step, marking each completed step with a highlighter or pencil. Have FUN! DearWebby
Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing a Wet Paintbrush If you use paint in your crafting you may find that, in the middle of painting a project, you get called away from your project but you know you will be back shortly. Instead of rinsing out your paint brush, you can wrap it in a piece of plastic or a sandwich bag. Twist the plastic so it stays closed, keeping air from drying the paint on your brush. Then when you get back to your project all you do is unwrap your brush and go back to work. I have stored paint brushes for a couple of days this way. As long as the plastic is sealed the paint will not dry out, ruining your brush. By Arlene from Fort Myers, Florida Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In Mulligan's bar, the young Salvation Army girl placed the collection box under the nose of Mick McCarthy and asked: 'Can you spare fifty pence for God?' 'How old are you?' asked Mick. Twenty-four,' she replied. 'Well, I'm sixty-eight, I'll see him before you do. I'll pay him meself.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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'I'll have fish and chips twice,' said Murphy. 'Very well,' said the shopkeeper. 'The fish won't be long.' 'Then they'd better be fat,' said Murphy.

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