Phonetic Alphabet: Alpha, Bravo,...
Monday, April 19, 2010, 06:51 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 19, 2010
Sometimes when you cry,
no one sees the tears....
Sometimes when you are happy,
no one bothers to see the smile....
BUT FART ONCE
AND EVERYONE NOTICES!
--- Socratex
In Africa some of the native tribes have a
custom of beating the ground with clubs and
uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists
call this a form of primitive self-expression.....
In America we call it golf.
Five-year-old Becky answered the door when
the census taker came by. She told the
census taker that her daddy was a doctor and
wasn't home because he was performing
an appendectomy.
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big
word for such a little girl. Do you know
what it means?"
"Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that
doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Andrew J. Garcia, 30 in San Ysidro, NM
Burning off residue on his bong led to arson charge
Las Cruces, NM (The Weekly Vice) - Andrew J. Garcia, a
30-year-old San Ysidro man, was jailed after he allegedly
used a bong to set his mobile home on fire.
According to Dona Ana County police, authorities were
contacted after an off-duty sheriff witnessed Garcia driving
away from his burning home.
A police chase through the community ensued, which the
officer abandoned for safety reasons. Garcia was apprehended
later at his residence.
Investigators say Garcia was cleaning his bong with alcohol
when he ignited the alcohol on purpose, setting fire to his
curtains and causing an estimated $20,000 damage. His wife
and children were not home at the time of the incident and
no injuries were reported.
Garcia admitted to authorities that he was suffering from a
drug addiction and he was distraught.
Garcia underwent a psychiatric evaluation at a local hospital
and was then booked into Dona Ana County Detention center
on charges of arson and fleeing a law-enforcement officer.
He is being held on $30,000 bond.
-------
Most likely the speedy escape was to bring his stash, worth
more than the old trailer, to a safe place.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brenda
re: Voice alphabet
Dear Webby
When I have to spell my name on the phone I often grasp
for suitable words to clarify each letter. I am not quite as
bad as that Caseway joke you had a few years ago, please
bring it again! However, sometimes people make me feel like
I am just as bad at clarifying the letters in my long last name.
Isn't there a standard list of words for doing that?
Thanks
Brenda
Dear Brenda
Indeed there is: The International Morse Alphabet menonic.
This not the original code developed for Morse, but the German
Gerke version, which became the International Morse code
about 150 years ago. Certain vowels represent dots, others
represent dashes. That helped people memorize the morse code.
Even though the Morse Code has become obsolete, the Morse
Alphabet is still in popular use for clarifying the spelling in
voice communication.
I used to print it on the back of business cards. Here is the
picture for that. At 96 dots per inch it will be exactly the
size of a business card.
Business Card Size
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Here is the Caseway joke. You have to read it out loud.
"Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport."
"Would you spell that, please?"
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye.
S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why.
A as in are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make a Fence Look Nice on Both Sides
When you put up a wooden fence, you usually nail the
pickets to one side, then the other side of the fence doesn't
look all that great. But if you keep alternating the pickets,
nailing the first to your neighbor's side and the next to your
side, you will end up with a fence that looks something like
basket weave and will look good on both sides.
By Amuck
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from
the effects of the recent operation. His doctor
came in, looking very glum.
"I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the
doctor said. "I think it's the drinking."
"No problem," the patient said patiently.
"I'm sure by tomorrow some doctor will sober
up. I'm still a bit tired from that operation
anyway."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of
a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the
table was a large pile of apples. The
nun had made a note,
"Take only one, God is watching,"
Moving through the line, to the other end of the
table, was a large pile of chocolate chip
cookies. One of the boys had written a note,
"Take all you want,
God is watching the apples."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
[ view entry ]
( 185 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 340 )
Unsolicited Windows updates
Sunday, April 18, 2010, 06:20 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 18, 2010
Men stumble over the truth from time to time,
but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if
nothing happened.
--- Winston Churchill
I have never let my schooling interfere with my
education.
--- Mark Twain
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop
early one morning. The clerk was ready to take
his order for a funeral piece, based on the look
on Todd's face, but soon realized his
assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a
basket of flowers sent to his wife for their
anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school.
"I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let
me talk!"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Glenn Watson, 58 of Bango, Maine
Falling pants lead to man's arrest on drug charges
BANGOR, Maine — A 58-year-old Hampden man who led police on
a car chase, then a brief foot chase Wednesday night is back
behind bars one week after completing a 15-month jail sentence
for cocaine trafficking.
The suspect’s attempted flight to freedom ended abruptly when
his pants fell down around his ankles, causing him to fall to the
ground, police said Thursday.
Glenn Watson, who was released from jail on April 7, became
the subject of a joint investigation by Bangor police and the Maine
Drug Enforcement Agency after city police received a tip Wednesday
evening that Watson was selling cocaine from a Bangor motel room.
City police officers assigned to MDEA were called in to co-ordinate.
MDEA agents put Watson’s motel room under surveillance and when
Watson left, agents asked Bangor police to stop the car.
According to a joint news release by Bangor police Sgt. Paul Edwards
and MDEA Division Commander Darrell Crandall, Bangor police
Officer Jamie Fanning was near Interstate 95 and Union Street when
she spotted Watson’s vehicle. Though she activated her blue
lights as the vehicle turned from Union Street onto Sixteenth Street,
Watson did not pull over.
Fanning reported that when she activated her police siren, Watson
continued on, running a red light, then speeding down Ohio Street
at speeds clocked at 55 to 60 mph. From Ohio Street, the pursuit
turned onto Boynton Street, then around the block back to Ohio Street,
where it continued through a red light at Hammond and Ohio,
according to Fanning. Watson then turned onto High Street, again
at speeds of 55 to 60 mph, police said.
The car chase ended when Watson failed to negotiate a sharp turn
on High Street and crashed his vehicle into a parked car, Fanning
wrote. No one was injured.
Watson then got out of his vehicle. According to Fanning, the
suspect appeared to be holding up his pants, which she said
appeared to be undone. Watson then took off, running toward
an apartment complex. Fanning and fellow Bangor police Officer
Michael Brennan chased Watson on foot down a set of stairs.
The chase ended when Watson’s pants “fell completely down
around his ankles, causing him to fall down the steps and onto
the ground,” the release said.
Police seized more than 2 ounces of cocaine — valued at
nearly $7,000 — from Watson, who has been charged with
aggravated trafficking in cocaine, driving to endanger,
eluding a police officer and three stop sign and red light v
iolations.
Watson, who has a lengthy criminal record in Maine going
back to 1988, remained at Penobscot County Jail on Thursday
night, unable to make bail set at $7,500 cash, according to a
jail official.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cathy
re: Update hassles
Hi there I am Cathy fro Coquitlam and I am bothering you again.
Can you please tell me why I cannot vote for you? It seems I
have now got windows 8 and boy I cannot do anything like
I used to. Is there any way to get rid of this??
Sometimes at night the computer says updating -do not turn of
computer as it will go off by itself. Sorry to bother you but any
help you can give me would be appreciated.
Thank You Cathy
Dear Cathy
To stop getting backstabbed by unwanted updates,
go into the control panel, System, Automatic Updates,
and set that to
"Notify me, but don't automatically download or install them"
As for the browser, just upgrade to FireFox. Sooner or later
you will anyway, and be glad you did. Then you can vote again
and everything will work normally again.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write
a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he
asked.
"God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things
out?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Baking Soda for Coffee and Tea Cups
I keep a saucer with baking soda in it by my kitchen sink.
That way, when I have a cup which is stained, I can get
rid of those stains right away with no fuss or bother. I wet
my fingers, dip my fingers in the baking soda, and then rub
them on the inside of the cup where the stains are. In a flash
the stains are gone!
Source: I learned this habit from my mother and so I have
the added bonus of remembering her every time I use the
baking soda.
By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home,
even if you wish they were.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A preacher was winding up his temperance
sermon with great fervor, "If I had all the beer
in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the
river."
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it
and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and demon rum in
the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried, "Hallelujah!"
The preacher sat down.
The song leader stood up very tentatively and
announced, "For our closing song, let us sing
hymn #365, 'Shall we gather at the river."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 155 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 602 )
How to become VISTA administrator
Saturday, April 17, 2010, 08:31 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 17, 2010
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross
and which to burn.
--- David Russell
People are like stained glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed
only if there is a light from within.
---Elizabeth Kubler Ross
As you journey through life take a minute every
now and then to give a thought for the other fellow.
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
Busy is a state of mind and a matter of priorities.
--- DearWebby
The Nurse was taking Joe's blood pressure.
She caused him some concern by rechecking
it twice, then saying,
"Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal."
He replied that he had taken his high blood
pressure medicine less than an hour ago.
She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was
losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP
readings they're always on the high side."
The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot
whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would
yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets.
During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to
chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting
more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell
me all about her life the way she used to.
Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom,
"Flushing!"
"Good grief," said my friend, "How much more do you want to
know?"
Thanks to Janina for this great picture:
Dear Webby,
You kindly share your wonderful flower and nature photos with us -
now it's MY turn to share a close-up of our cherry blossoms in full
bloom now, here in New Jersey.
Enjoy!
Janina
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Daniel Hammond, 21 in Sevenoaks, England
Serial hoaxer claimed he was raped by whale
A BRAZEN prankster claimed he was raped by a whale and gave
his name as Ben Dover during one of many hoax calls to the
emergency services.
Daniel Hammond made nuisance calls for eight months, telling
busy emergency operators he lived in Doctor Who's TARDIS.
On one occasion, he reported that his manhood fell off because
he smoked too much weed and was struggling to have sex.
Another time, the lanky 21-year-old impersonated Saddam Hussein
and claimed he hid a bomb on a train, a court in Sevenoaks,
England, was told.
Prosecutor James Nichols said Hammond enjoyed the thrill of
wasting the emergency services' time with his bizarre and
persistent tales. The court was told that Hammond was caught
when he called to report threats he claimed he was receiving,
and police recognised his mobile phone number.
When Hammond was finally arrested, he said he "couldn't remember"
all of the disturbing details of the calls but admitted the offenses.
Defence lawyer Laura Hollingham said her client's behaviour was a
result of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
The court was also told that Hammond suffered from depression and
that his family was struggling to cope with his "many problems".
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: BETTY
re: VISTA administrator logon required
DOES THE 'HOW TO BECOME WINDOWS ADMIN. QUESTION ALSO
APPLY TO WINDOWS VISTA??
Dear Betty
I don't allow VISTA onto Webby computers, so I don't really know.
However, there is info about making yourself the Vista administrator
at this site:
http://snipurl.com/vistaadmin
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Overheard downtown:
"My wife and I have structured conversations:
firstly, she gives me her opinion,
then she gives me my opinion."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Coffee Filters for Small Servings of Food
A great use for coffee filters are single serving plates for
chips (or anything that is not moist or leaky) for kids.
This is especially handy in a group or class, and combines
easy clean-up with much less waste than a regular plastic
or paper plate.
By Mrs. Putty from Barrie, Ont.
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon
listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full
volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while.
I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I ask a lady friend, whom
she has never heard, call her desk when she's not there, and
leave a message like
"Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for
the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty girl! You wouldn't want me to
come over there and spank you, would you ?"
That is probably the last time you ever hear that particular
speakerphone.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda's son was in the process of being potty
trained. One summer day, he came in from
outside, all wet. Linda asked, "Did you have an
accident?".
Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water
the trees, the bushes,...?"
"Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage."
Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you
shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw
flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the
garage."
Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK,
I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's
garage!!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 166 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 709 )
How to become Windows Administrator?
Friday, April 16, 2010, 09:32 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
--- Malaclypse the Younger
You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing
the means he uses to frighten you.
--- Eric Hoffer
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
"Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me,
"This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in "Peanuts"
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
--- Sir Winston Churchill
An old lady had always wanted to travel
abroad. Now that she was getting on in
years, she thought she would really like
to do so before she died.
But until now, she'd never even been out of
the country. So she began by going in
person to the Passport Office and asking
how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first,"
responded the passport clerk.
"Raise your right hand, please."
The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of
the United States against all its enemies,
domestic or foreign?" was the first
question.
The little old lady's face paled and her
voice trembled as she asked in a small voice:
"Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose
somebody is going to have to start doing that."
A couple drove several miles down a country
road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion
had led to an argument, and neither wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs,
the wife sarcastically asked,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ice fishing on the Bow River
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to British supermarket giant Marks & Spencer
Marks & Spencer threatens granny for eating cookie
AN 86-year-old grandmother was threatened with being thrown
out of a British supermarket cafe after she started nibbling a
cookie she bought in the same store.
A female shop assistant told "humiliated" Thelma Williams that
she could be escorted out and fined for dunking her chocolate
chip cookie into a cup of tea at a branch of British supermarket
giant Marks & Spencer (M&S).
Williams bought a scone and cookie from the food section, and
then her daughter bought her a sandwich and a cup of tea in the cafe.
An assistant told her she could not eat it because of the consumer
tax difference between cafe and shop-bought food.
"The staff made me feel as though I was a common criminal -
yet I was just eating one of their biscuits," Ms Williams said.
"This woman over-reacted. All the customers were looking at me.
It was so embarrassing and very distressing."
"Our policy is that cafe customers must only consume items
bought in the cafe area." an M&S spokesman said.
----------
Britain and many other countries have a VAT (Value Added
Tax). In Britain it is 17.5%, or possibly higher by now. in Canada
it is called GST and is 5%.
Bulk food items are generally excempt, but individual servings
are taxed. If you buy ONE bun, you pay tax. If you buy a dozen,
they are tax free. That aplies at the point of buying.
After checking out of one section of the store, those cookies
were her property, as if she had baked them at home.
While restaurants generally object to you bringing your own
food, making a fuss about the tax difference on one cookie
is rather sleazy and definitely deserves a bonehead award.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
re: Windows administrator logon required
Hi Webby,
Here I am again!!!!! I went to order underware from a store on line,
my McAfee would not let me see the pictures so I could decide which
style I wanted. When I went into the McAfee program to see if I could
"fix" the problem (BTW, I only get big red MCAFEE words where the
picture should be), I noticed that the parental control is on. We're retired,
have no grandchildren and do not want our computer restricted...
I really want to be able to see what I'm buying. When I tried to change
the parental control it told me I could not because I'm not logged on as
administrator. We do not use a password when we boot up the computer,
we just start it up and click "OK" when necessary. Is there anything I can
do to fix this problem of not seeing a bra that I want to purchase?
Thanks, Carol
Dear Carol
To see how to log on as administrator, go to
http://snipurl.com/log-on-as-admin
The info you need is at the bottom of that page.
It's actually quite easy, when you know the trick.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5
years old, she was thoroughly impressing her
grandparents with her knowledge of insects
while they were out for a walk. She readily
identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets,
ladybugs and such.
When they happened upon a small beetle she
did not immediately recognize, she looked at it
thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into
oblivion on the sidewalk.
'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Crab Apples for Pest Repellent
There are no chemicals involved so I guess it's a green tip.
If you have a problem with roaches, ants, mice, or other
pests inside the house, gather some crab apples and place
them around your basement, crawl space, and foundation
of your house. My in-laws have done this for years and
haven't seeneven a trace of a pest or rodent.
By Tammy from Cookeville, TN
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple just started their Lamaze class and
they were given an activity requiring the
husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him
an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The
husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This
doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked
the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were
pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the
husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned
to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen
for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully
examining all the rich-looking pastries
displayed on trays in the glass cases.
When a clerk approached him and asked,
"What would you like?"
he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered,
cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut
and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added,
"But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 153 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 648 )
Windows update reboot trashing my desktop
Thursday, April 15, 2010, 09:55 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 15, 2010
Forgive your enemies,
but never forget their names.
---John F. Kennedy
Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss
Professors of different subjects define the same
word in different ways:
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two
straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the
expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between
two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary
bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris
muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when
returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is
higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on
the vital statistics of 39-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy
for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction;
it is more common than proper; it is spoken in
the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering:
Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being
examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with
toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was
resting, her eyes closed.
With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to
her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her
shoulder.
"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Julie Root, 27, of East Hampton, CT
2 and 3 year olds in diapers away from home, mom arrested
An East Hampton, Connecticut, woman is facing several charges
after her 2- and 3-year-old sons were playing in the woods for
hours wearing nothing but diapers on Friday morning, police said.
Julie Root, 27, was arrested shortly after coming home from work.
A neighbor called East Hampton police when she had heard the
children playing alone by the road in the rain for at least an hour.
When two officers arrived, they found the two small boys walking
in the woods on the south side of Flatbrook Road near a stream.
The boys were wearing no clothing other than their diapers and
they were freezing cold, police said.
An ambulance was called and the boys were taken to Marlborough
Clinic for a medical evaluation.
While all of this was taking place, Root walked up to the scene
and said she had returned from working third shift at 7:30 a.m.
and had possibly dozed off, allowing the boys to slip out of the
house.
Root, who is wearing the t-shirt that reads “I Love Weed” in her
mug shot, was heavily under the influence of prescription pain
medication, police said.
The allegedly bad mother said that the boys’ father, Scott Root,
was also home but he had been sleeping during the incident.
The boys were released to the custody of their father after leaving
Marlborough Clinic with no significant medical findings or injuries,
police said.
Julie Root was released from custody on a $10,000 non-surety
bond and is scheduled to appear at Middlesex Superior Court in
Middletown, CT., on April 20. She is charged with two counts of
risk of injury to a minor and two counts of reckless endangerment.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Julie
re: Desktop trashed by Windos update
Dear Webby
Is there a way to stop Windows update from trashing and
reorganizing my desktop? Or at least to restore it?
I get so frustrated I could kill, when the required restart
after an update messes everything up. When I reboot
normally once a month, everything stays in place, so
why does an update restart screw everything up?
Sorry, didn't mean to yell and while at you, but you are
the only one I know who actually listens.
Julie
Dear Julie
I know how you feel!
You are definitely not the only one who is severely annoyed
by that problem.
Go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and download
Save My Desktop
Hit that and save your desktop after each time you add or move
icons, or at least before doing a Windows update.
When the dektop gets trashed, you can hit that icon, after you
find where Windows shuffled it to, and hit it, but select RESTORE
instead of SAVE.
Another trick that seems to help is to shut all programs down
before doing the silly update mandated restart.
The problem seems to be with interrupted shutdowns. If the
shutdown is stopped because of an unsaved file, then that
virtually guarantees that your desktop gets trashed.
Instead of saving a snapshot to disk, as if you had told it to
hibernate, Windows just loses it's marbles.
Best of course is to do both. Save the desktop
AND shut down every program before letting Windows do that
nuisance reboot.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs
out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim
doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the
boys like to tease him. They say he is two
bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a
barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior
his choice between a nickel and a dime.
He always takes the nickel, they say, because
it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got
him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys
are making fun of you. They think you don't
know the dime is worth more than the nickel.
Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger,
or what?"
Junior replied, "Nah, if I took the dime,
they'd quit giving me nickles!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tracking Credit Card Rewards
Make sure to check your monthly statements to see if you can
redeem any of your reward points. Many credit cards accumulate
reward points based on the amount you spend. Eventually those
reward points expire, so use them before you lose them. You
can earn everything from gift cards to cash!
By Lewis from Port Orchard, WA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two elderly women were out driving in a large
car-both could barely see over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they
just went on through. The woman in the
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be
losing it, I could have sworn we just went
through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another
intersection and the light was red again and again
they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was
really concerned that she was losing it. She
was getting nervous and decided to pay very
close attention to the road and the next
intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light
was definitely red and they went right through.
So she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred! Did you know we just ran through
three red lights in a row! You could have killed
us!"
Mildred turned to her and said
"Oh, am I driving?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
And here is a real groaner of a pun:
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with
stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, getting in and
out past security, he was captured only 2
blocks away when his Ford Econoline ran out
of gas. When asked how he could mastermind
such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and
then make such an obvious error...
... He replied:
"I 'ad no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van
Gogh."...
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 166 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.2 / 617 )
Computer video to old style TV
Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 06:52 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty,
and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
--- Robert Benchley
People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
--- Sinclair Lewis
Thanks tp Roland for this story:
Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new
employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that
her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had
noticed that she was walking in late every day.
After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a
problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door
I could use?"
The happy couple were being interviewed on
their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The
society reporter asked, "In all that time, did
you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned
for that," the husband replied.
"Murder quite frequently," the wife offered
"but never divorce."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael Mowry, 33, and Jethra Guzman, 32.
Monitoring bracelets aid Berwick police in identifying two burglars
BERWICK, Maine — Electronic monitoring bracelets helped police identify
two people responsible for four residential burglaries in January.
Arrests warrants have been drafted for the two suspects, but
they have yet to be arrested because they are in custody in
New Hampshire for unrelated crimes.
The burglaries happened in mid-January on Cemetery Road,
Pine Hill Road, Little River Road and Blackberry Road. Cash,
jewelry and electronics were all stolen from the homes.
Capt. Jerry Locke said the big break in the case came at the
last burglary on Jan. 31, at the Blackberry Road residence.
A witness took down the plate number of the vehicle the two
suspects were in and police in Somersworth were able to
stop them.
Police identified the pair as Michael Mowry, 33, last known
address of 1 Thomas St., Rochester and Jethra Guzman, 32,
last know address of 5 Woodside Commons Park, Somersworth.
Upon further investigation, police learned that both suspects
were on electronic monitoring because of pending drug-related
cases out of New Hampshire.
Locke said police were able to look at the records of the
monitoring devices and track the two to the other burglary
locations on the days they occurred.
Mowry is currently incarcerated in the New Hampshire
State Prison in Concord for his drug-related charges,
while Guzman is being held at the Strafford County jail.
Both will be facing burglary charges when police get a chance
to arrest them. Burglary is a Class B crime punishable by up
to 10 years in prison.
Locke said the pair may also be involved in other burglaries
in the area as well, but noted those burglaries are still under
investigation.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Fast Eddie
re: Use an old TV as a monitor
Hey Mr Webby;
Got a question for you!
I want to watch a video from my PC to my TV.
Now is it better to to get another video card to watch TV
or get a "VGA Splitter?"
And the cords? What will I need?
I have thee old TV, in which does not have the updated hook
ups. Though I have a DVD Player that may have what I need to
get connected.
Thanks & have a great day/week.
Eddie
Dear Eddie
You would need a video card that has TV output and the same
kinds of sockets in the back as you got on a VCR. Then you
plug the TV into those sockets instead of the VCR.
Keep in mind that the video on an old TV is VERY crappy
compared to even a very old computer monitor.
You can get perfectly good 20" 1600 x 1200 monitors for as
little as $115 at
http://www.nextag.com/1600x1200-monitor/products-html
I doubt that you can get a video card with VCR output for that price.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Carry Insulated Shopping Bag in Your Car
Frugal and Green! Purchase one of those heavy duty insulated
shopping bags and keep it in your car for when you're grocery
shopping, especially here in the South, and in the summer.
You will be surprised at how beneficial it will be and how
often you'll be glad you have it handy. They are very
inexpensive, fold flat, take up little storage space in your
car when not in use and open to a generous size bag.
I bought mine at Sam's Club, but they are available
elsewhere.
By Sandy from Elon, NC
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer. One
morning, before the farmer went out to the field,
he said, "Honey, today the artificial
insemination man is coming over to impregnate
one of the cows. I put a nail in a two-by-four
over the stall. Please show him which one it it is."
When he arrived, Nancy led him down the row
of stalls until she saw the nail.
She pointed to the stall and he asked her,
"Are you sure?"
"It's the one with the nail," said Nancy.
"What's the nail for?" asked the man.
"I guess it's to hang your pants on," replied Nancy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
What's the definition of an optimist?
An liberal arts major with a pager.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 205 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 758 )
Getting and turning on ActiveX
Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 08:12 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The most erroneous stories are those we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
--- Stephen Jay Gould
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils:
people who shouldn't drink with people who
shouldn't sing."
--- Tom Dreesen
A husband, proving to his wife that women
talk more than men, showed her a study
which indicated that men use, on the
average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas
women use 30,000 words a day.
She thought about this for a while and then
told her husband that women use twice as
many words as men because they have to
repeat or explain everything they say.
He replied, "What do you mean?"
A young minister sitting down to dinner was
about to say Grace when he opened the
casserole dish that his thrifty bride had
prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.
"I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it
seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff
already."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Ronald Washington, 33, of Uniontown, Pennsylvania
PA. dad jailed for pot in son's Elmo backpack
- The Associated Press
UNIONTOWN, PA. — A western Pennsylvania father has been jailed
after police say he went to his son's elementary school to
retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the boy's
Elmo backpack.
State police say 33-year-old Ronald Washington, of Uniontown,
called Menallen Elementary School to ask if his son had arrived
for kindergarten Thursday morning. Police say Washington told
school officials he needed to get something from the Sesame
Street-themed backpack, prompting school officials to search it.
School officials called police when they found the pot, and troopers
were waiting to arrest Washington when he arrived shortly before
9 a.m.
Washington was jailed when he was unable to post $100,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Shirley
re: Turn on Active X
Dear Webby,
You have helped me in the past and have really appreciated all your help.
Where do I find ActiveX on a windows XP? Can't seem to find it anywhere.
Keep up the news letter and you make my day. Love your computer tips which is what I check first.
Thank you
Shirley
Dear Shirley
Active X is included with the regular Windows updates and patches.
You just have to enable it.
In Internet Explorer
Tools > Internet Options > Security > Custom Level
Now scroll down and check the boxes that say Javascript
and Active X.
Or use FireFox. It doesn't need the ActiveX training wheels
to work.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dog looks at human and thinks:
"My hero, my friend, my buddy."
Cat looks at human and thinks:
"My can-opener."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Plastic Boxes as Litter Boxes
Way too long for here. Read it at
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the
nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the
homecoming. She gave him the once-over and
said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."
"Please forgive me," responded the
underclassman. "I didn't realize you were
pregnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Having been married ten years and still living
in an apartment, the wife would often complain
about anything, as she was tired of saving
every penny to buy a "dream home".
Trying to placate her, the husband found a
new apartment, within their budget. However,
after the first week, she began complaining
again.
"Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place
at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom.
The neighbors can see me every time I take a
bath."
"Don't worry." replied her husband.
"If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 178 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 963 )
Monday, April 12, 2010, 08:10 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 12, 2010
Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
--- Jules Feiffer
The average person thinks he isn't.
--- Father Larry Lorenzoni
When you're through changing,
you're through.
--- Bruce Barton
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition.
A friend left me alone in a restaurant with
her 16-month-old kid.
I asked, "What do I do if he cries?"
She said, "Give him some vegetables."
It turns out that jalapenos are not his
favorite vegetable
and I will not be asked to babysit again.
There are three ways to get something
done: Do it yourself,
hire someone to do it,
or forbid your children to do it.
Thank to dad for these pictures:
Same picture large
Same picture large
He bought one small leaf about a dozen years ago,
now he has to trim it and give leaves to visitors, AND use a
steel pipe and a hoop to keep it from spreading and turning
into a fence.
Each blossom lasts just one day. On the second picture you
also see yesterday's blossom, and the start of the next leaf.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC, and his mother
Bad April Fools Joke
Salisbury, NC (The Weekly Vice) Michael Kelly, a 31-year-old
Salisbury man, was arrested April 1st for speeding when an
April Fools joke went horribly wrong.
According to Rowan County deputies, Kelly was first noticed
when he ran a red light. Deputy Williams began to follow Kelly
but Kelly just went faster.
Deputy Williams tried to stop Kelly but when the pursuit reached
speeds up to 120mph, the deputy called for assistance. After a
brief chase, Kelly slowed down and Deputy Williams was able to
take him in to custody.
According to officers, Kelly's reason for the high-speed
chase was because his mother had called from a nearby city to
inform him that his 9-year-old son was missing and she was frantic
and yelling.
During processing, Deputy Williams answered Kelly's cell phone
and asked Kelly's mother if the boy had been located. It was at
this point that Williams and Kelly learned that it was all a joke.
Kelly was booked in the Rowan County Detention Center on charges
of felony speeding to elude arrest, driving with a suspended license
and failure to stop at a red light.
Michael Kelly, 31 of Salisbury, NC
It is not known at this time if the "prank" was arranged after the
chase startd or before. Running red lights on a suspended license
and doing 120 in town sure did not get him any closer to his far
away son.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Donna
Re: uTube problem
Dear Webby,
My husband recently got a new computer with Windows XP, but
when he gets an email with a link to a You Tube video, he cannot
open it. Is there something that should be installed in order for him
to open these?
As usual...thanks so much...
Donna
Dear Donna
Without knowing whatever error message he gets, I don't want
to put my foot into my mouth too far.
He needs the current version of Adobe Flash Player,
and he needs Javascript enabled in hs browser.
If he uses IE instead of FireFox, he also needs Active-X,
and possibly even Active-X for Adobe.
There is good info at http://kb2.adobe.com/cps/191/tn_19166.html
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Picture this: A Santa Clara County
Department of Correction bus is heading for
Civic Center after transporting inmates to
Elmwood Correctional Facility.
All of a sudden, the driver notices he's being
followed. Odd, he thinks. It's even more odd
when he drives the bus down the intake
ramp into the main jail and two vehicles
-- a pickup truck and a minivan --
continue to follow right behind.
The gates slam shut, officers question the occupants
of the two vehicles and the reason for the
follow-the-leader routine finally becomes
clear. There's been a bit of drinking going
on, and the guys think the bus is a
greyhound and figure it will lead them to its
depot and the restrooms they so
desperately need.
They get a rest, all right.
The pickup driver is arrested for drunken
driving. The minivan driver is cited for driving
with a suspended license. Their vehicles are
impounded.
Correction officers are bemused.
"We at DOC have heard of voluntary surrender, but this
is ridiculous,'' says department spokesman Mark Cursi.
"We're now wondering if folks can take the
next step: self-booking.''
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Looking At Everyday Household Energy Usage
Way too long for here. Read it at
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In the middle of World War II, a draftee goes
in for his physical wearing a truss, and with a
little convincing acting, gets his papers
marked M.E. for Medically Exempt.
Not long after, a friend gets his orders to
report for a physical, and he borrows the
other fellow's truss. At the end of the
examination, the doctor stamped M.E. on his
papers.
"Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he
asked.
"No," the examining doctor says. "M.E.
stands for Middle East. Anyone who can
wear a truss upside-down can certainly
ride a camel."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in
the middle of a meadow on a warm spring
day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he
pondered their shape.
Soon, he began to think about God. "God?
Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the
clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for
you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God?
What is a million years like to you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand
the concept of infinity, God responded in a
manner to which Jimmy could relate,
"A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a
minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a
million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a
penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea.
"You're so generous...can I have one of your
pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 139 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 957 )
Currently best map and route planning site
Sunday, April 11, 2010, 09:17 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 11, 2010
Do not condemn the judgement of another
because it differs from your own.
You may both be wrong.
--- Dandemis
As Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a
vacation. They ended up in an argument, "It's
'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said.
"I never KNEW someone so stubborn!
'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied.
And so it went all the way to the vacation...
As they got off the airplane, they passed a
man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and
turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on
the island, you can settle an argument
between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or
'Havaii?'"
"This is Havaii," the man replied.
"Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See,
didn't I tell you never to argue with me?"
As they began to walk away, Morris turned
back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!"
"You're Ferry Velcome!" the Hawaiian called
back.
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe
applied for work on a farm. The foreman
decided to give him a try and told him to
milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a
bucket.
An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and
sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the
broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained.
"The worst part was getting the cow to sit on
the stool!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to John Marika, 25, in Port Richey, Florida
Mugger on bicycle has no chance against scooter
From 10Connects, Tampa, Florida
Port Richey, Florida - Sometimes news happens when you're out
covering other news. And that's just what happened Friday.
We were out at Wal-Mart Friday doing a interview with Charles
Salvatore, who will ride his motorized scooter from Zephyrhills to
Alaska to raise awareness of liver diseases for the American
Liver Foundation.
While we were interviewing Salvatore, a man on a bicycle grabbed
a money container from Salvatore's 10-year-old nephew who was
helping the family with the fundraiser. The suspect took off from the
Wal-Mart and bystanders and family gave chase.
So did Charles on his 50cc scooter.
They caught up with the suspect, and Salvatore, who looks like
he is a head taller and 150 pounds heavier than the mugger,
tackled him and held him until police arrived.
The suspect was arrested and will most likely be charged with
strong armed robbery.
As the officer was putting the suspect into the cruiser he
apologized to Charles, and cursed at our cameraman.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: MaryLee
Re: Is Google Earth Pro worth it?
Dear Webby,
I used to plan trips by using Google Earth, but found
out the hard way, that they dumbed it down, possibly
for all the silly nitwits who got conned into wide screen
monitors. And you can't use multiple points any more,
and can't import lists of way points any more either,
unless you buy Google Earth Pro.
I searched all over, but have not found any positive
comments about Google Earth Pro.
I know you do detail planning for your trips. What do you
use for that?
MaryLee
Dear MaryLee
Yes, Google did indeed "dumb down" Google Earth, to the point
where it is a rather useless kid's toy.
The $400 Google Earth Pro is the same, except they allow
you multiple way points and let you import them from a
spreadsheet, just like the old, GOOD, version let you do for
a small annual fee. I certainly won't pay $400 just for that.
And I too have not found a single positive mention of it.
Google Maps hasn't been dumbed down quite that much,
probably just enough, so that Vista and W7 won't crash on
it. It works OK for spot checking, but is no longer good
enough for extensive route planning.
Nowadays I use MapQuest. It has not been dumbed down
for the new versions of Windows. Actually, they added some
small improvements. They still use the big, fat, mushy lines
for the route, but other than that, Mapquest is quite good.
Booking hotels right from Mapquest is a breeze, even looking
for restaurants or sights.
There is plenty of room for improvements, but right now
Mapquest beats Google by a good margin.
Then there is Microsoft's Bing.com/maps.
It has better graphics, and a nice thin and sharp route line.
However, when you zoom in, it tends to lose the route line,
or sometimes the point flag wanders off a few miles.
That "feature" takes some getting used to!
And you can't pop up hotels, restaurants, etc. And it still
needs customization options, like road name font sizes,
the ability to toggle the route line layer below road names,
or auto-center and zoom on double-click, and actually quite
a long wish list.
Yet.
It definitely is a work in progress, but looks promising.
If they keep at it, in a year or two they will beat both
Google and Mapquest. I will keep an eye on it,
and check their progress.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
At Sunday school, the teacher asked Johnny,
"Johnny, could you tell me what are we
supposed to do to deserve the salvation?"
"Yeah, of course" Little Johnny replied.
"We're supposed to do a whole bunch of sinning first,
so that we got something to be forgiven for!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Flower Pot Air Fresheners
Make some cute, all-natural flower pot air fresheners! You will need:
Supplies:
* small terra cotta flower pots (about 4 inch height)
* lacy fabric or cheesecloth cut into 8 inch circles
* 30 inches of ribbon
* baking soda
* essential oils
Instructions:
First, stop any holes in the bottom of the pots with tape. Fill them with
baking soda and mix in about 10 drops or so of your favorite
essential oil. Place the circle of fabric over the pot and secure
by tying the ribbon around the rim with a bow.
To freshen just stir in a few more drops of oil, and change the
baking soda every few months. I love these little pots, they
leave a nice, subtle scent without chemicals or synthetic
perfumes.
They're lovely in smaller rooms like the kitchen or bathroom,
and inexpensive to make. I even used some old lace curtains
for the fabric. The only trick is to place them where kids, pets
(or you!) won't knock them over too easily.
By Tapestry Lady from England
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teacher said, "Now class, we know their
are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in
an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365
days in a year, so who can tell me how
many seconds there are in a year?"
All the kids looked baffled by the question
except Rufus, who raised his hand and
waved it excitedly.
"Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there
in a year?" the teacher asked.
Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January
second, February second,
March second..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda had gotten a new job as a reporter at
her local newspaper and she was brought
in to meet the crusty old editor on her first
day on the job.
"Names, names," the old editor insisted to
the new reporter. "No story is complete
without the names of everyone involved."
Linda assured him she would make him
proud of her reporting abilities, and her first
assignment was to write an article on a
local disaster. She came back a few hours
later and filed this report:
Three farms in our area were affected by
severe lightning storms that struck
Thursday night. Mr. and Mrs. Horace
Greene reported a fire in their barn. Michael
Arlington said several trees were knocked
down by the violence of the storm. And
Fred Morse reported that three of his cows
were struck by lightning. Their names were
Bessie, Elsie and Bertha.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 140 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 916 )
Printer prints purplish-pink
Saturday, April 10, 2010, 06:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 10, 2010
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
--- Friedrich von Schiller
Only the shallow know themselves.
--- Oscar Wilde
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line
between sanity and madness gotten finer?
--- George Price
Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond
ring for her birthday..
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted
one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I
gonna find a fake Jeep?"
came home from school and told dad:
"Hey, Dad, I lerned that we decended from apes! Neat, huh ?"
That didn't go over well at all, so
was told in no uncertaint terms:
"YOU might have apes for ancestors,
but I sure don't!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Stanislaw Muchy, 39, in Warsaw, Poland
Burglary by mail
Police in Poland have arrested a man for a series of raids
in which he allegedly climbed into large parcels and posted
himself to businesses.
Stanislaw Muchy, 39, would then apparently climb out at night
after staff had clocked off and burgle the premises, reports Metro.
He made his getaway by sealing both himself and his loot into
another box addressed to his Warsaw home, say police.
His scheme came to an end after he fell out with an accomplice,
whose job was to deliver him to courier firms, who contacted police.
After being tipped off, police said:
"We arranged a special delivery of our own, right to the jail."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: Printer prints purplish-pink
Dear Webby,
I was happy to read about the ink cartridge question.
My printer has individual ink cartridges, and all cartridges are
almost full....however all of a sudden I get little color when
printing except this purplish-pink. When I print a document
it's fine in black ink. Can you give me any clues?
I've gone to start and went through the cleaning of the
printer menu.
Thanks. Carol
Dear Carol
That sounds like your color cartridges are drying up.
Look at them carefully and find the air breather hole, and
cover that with a bit of duck tape. Then lay the cartridge
into a dish with warm water for half an hour.
After that, dry it off, peel the tape, and use it to print in
THAT color right away.
Just make a painting that has half the page in that color.
USUALLY, that clears up that problem.
If it doesn't, get remanufactured cartridges from
Atlantic Inkjet .com.
Those will be refillable and you can get a refill kit from them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is
the opposite of progress?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Calculate the Best Prices at Supermarkets
Today's tip is way too long for here. You can read it at
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sammy has stolen the rabbi's gold watch.
He didn't feel too good about it, so he
decided, after a sleepless night, to go
to the rabbi.
'Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.'
'But Sammy! That's forbidden! You should
return it immediately!'
'What shall I do?'
'Give it back to the owner.'
'Do you want it?'
'No, I said return it to its owner.'
'But he doesn't want it.'
'In that case, you can keep it.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon
was asked by the doctor,
"Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 162 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 923 )
Friday, April 9, 2010, 06:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 9, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
--- Dave Barry
And other skiers too!
Linda invited some people to dinner. At the
table, she turned to her six- year-old daughter
and said,"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I don't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," her
mother told her.
The daughter bowed her head and said:
"Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these
ungrateful nuts to dinner?"
Most women have these two complaints:
nothing to wear and not enough closet space!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to William Ferris, 27, Cincinnati, Ohio
Reported himself for paying a hooker
William Ferris, an Ohio man yesterday paid a prostitute $50
with the understanding that he would receive a full menu of
sexual services in the bathroom of a White Castle in Cincinnati.
However, when the hooker only performed oral sex on him,
Ferris--who was also expecting vaginal sex--contacted police
to report that he had just been robbed. When Hamilton County
Sheriff's Office deputies responded to Ferris's 911 call, his
"story began to fall apart," according to an arrest report.
Ferris admitted that he was not, in fact, robbed by his
unidentified paid date. In an interview, a frustrated Ferris
told TSG that he expected "all of it for $50," but just got
"kissing and sucking" during the 20-minute bathroom
encounter. He added that the hooker picked the White Castle
for their assignation since its bathroom locked
(and not because of the eatery's tasty belly bombers).
The unemployed Ferris, charged with solicitation and making
a false police report, was scheduled to be arraigned today on
the misdemeanor counts. He also will be charged with
trespassing if he returns to the White Castle on Harrison Avenue.
Just as dumb, but not as cute as yesterday's Bonehead.
From Kathy
I agree with you about the morons. I use your Squirrel e cards
all the time. My friends love it.
Have a great rest of the week. Thank you for all your great information.
I have learned a lot.
Kathy
Dear Kathy
I don't want to take the credit for that site.
It is owned and designed and maintained by a lady named
Barbara Kee
We just supply the basic templates and the UNIX engine
under the hood, that ensures that
1) nobody can attach anything malicious to the cards,
and
2) delivers them to the recipient address.
and
3) tells the sender about the pick-up event.
You can open a postcard page or site too, if you have a
dozen or more pictures. We even supply the templates to get
started. You can of course edit them any way you want, but
you get a head-start and don't have to figure things out the
hard way.
The FREE BASIC version is free. It is kept very basic, so
that you can quickly and easily see how things flow, without
getting overwhelmed by a Million options.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carolyn
Re: Printer ink
Dear Webby,
my printer has been a good one through the years (HP)
but the cartridges for it are expensive. How do you feel about
refilling the ink cartridges? Will it mess up my printer?
My cartridges are over $40 each.
Thanks, Webby
and thanks for your
great website!
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn
We have refilled our ink cartridges with ink from Atlantic Inkjet
for probably 10 or more years. Never a problem with the ink.
HPs usually fail in the electronics. They are not meant to last
forever, ya know.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
This is next joke is not a new and current
news event, but a story I reprint almost every
year:
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar
guns, drove through a school zone within the
legal speed limit when the flash of a camera
went off, taking a picture of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error,
drove by again; even more slowly. Another
flash. He did it again for a third time, at an
even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have messed up the settings
way too much," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the
violations in the mail, he discovered three
traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat
belt!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Seeds from Store Bought Tomatoes
I bought a tomato at the store and squeezed the seeds onto
a paper towel. After they dried, I cut the paper around the
seed and planted them in good potting soil. Keep damp and
you will have tomato plants in about a week. I tried planting
seeds immediately after squeezing the tomato and they did
not grow, so you must dry the seeds.
By Dajavooi from Independence, MO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in
South America. They follow his every move
for months, and find out that every day at
noon he goes outside and does his
stretching exercises.
So the assassins set up shop right across the street,
get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have
everything ready to go.
Noon comes, no dictator......
10 minutes longer........no dictator.
One assassin turns to the other
and says, "Gee, I hope nothing
happened to him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda and Marion were comparing notes on
the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year,"
Linda said. "I insist that each of my
employees take at least a week off every
three months."
"Why in the world would you do that?"
Marion asked.
"It's the best way I know of to learn which
ones I can do without," Linda said.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 136 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 677 )
Thursday, April 8, 2010, 07:35 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 8, 2010
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
--- Philip Johnson
A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper
cannot be understood.
--- Mark Ardis
"When you exit this vehicle, please lower
your head and watch your step.
If you fail to do so, please lower your voice
and watch your language. Thank you."
While meeting with a client he wished to
impress, a big executive flipped on his
intercom and barked to his secretary,
"Miss Jones, get my broker on the line."
"Yes sir," came back a loud voice,
"stock or pawn or marriage?"
Thanks to Angie for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida
Underage drinking in cop carTasha Lee Cantrell. The
19-year-old Floridian was riding in a car early Monday morning
when the vehicle's driver was pulled over and arrested for DUI.
As a tow truck arrived to remove her friend's car, a stranded
Cantrell asked Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office Deputy
Mitchell Landis for a ride home to her Fort Walton Beach
residence.
Landis agreed, but only after checking Cantrell's purse for any
contraband, according to an offense report. While chauffeuring
Cantrell, Landis heard the teenager "open a can of some sort"
in the back of the cruiser. The can had not been in her purse,
or it would have been confiscated during the purse check.
"As I looked at my in car video I observed Cantrell drinking
out of an unknown can." Landis stopped his car and, upon
further investigation, determined that Cantrell had popped
open a can of Steel Reserve, a malt liquor known for its high
alcohol content.
"When I opened the rear passenger door I observed Cantrell
attempting to hide the can between her legs. I retrieved this can
and noticed it was Steel Reserve Beer," reported Landis, who
immediately arrested Cantrell for underage drinking. Instead of
being shuttled to her doorstep, Cantrell, pictured in the below mug
shot, was rerouted to the sheriff's office, where she was booked
on the misdemeanor charge.
Tasha Lee Cantrell, 19, of Fort Walton Beach, Florida
Glamor shot courtesy of the sheriff's office.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elen
Re: Fake virus alert
I have been advised from two different email addresses that
I recently tried to use to send to that the Disturbing Squirrel
Postcards website - http://www.greysquirrel.net/postcards2.html -
which is part of your network, tried to load a virus into the
message. I am not sure you are the right person to report
this to - but I did not see another address for problems.
This was detected by Norton Utilities.
Thank you,
Ellen Stenstrom
Dear Ellen
Some disturbed morons lied to you.
The postcards are on a UNIX server, not on a Windows
computer. It is physically impossible for Mypostcards.com type
cards to carry a virus, and they are purposely designed
so that they can't carry ANY attachments. Site owners like
GreySquirrel just supply pictures, music, and safe text.
Card senders can select from those pictures and music
and text, and can add their own text. That's it. Nobody
can add a virus or any form of malware.
We control the hard compiled UNIX software on the servers,
and nobody can mess with that.
Don't worry about the postcards, worry about those morons!
Either their machines are infected and giving them false warnings,
encouraging them to download fake anti-virus stuff that actually
contains trojan programs, or else they are just making up
lies to rattle your chain and make you look silly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing
at the lake. One said to the other,
"Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Knit Shawls in the Spring
It's Spring and scarf season is over - so if you are a knitter -
switch over to rectangular shawls. It's the same only a bit
longer and wider! And you can use up leftover yarn by using
a different yarn per each row or so.
By Pamphyila from LA, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A car was involved in an accident. As one
might expect, a large crowd gathered. A
newspaper reporter, anxious to get his
story, pushed and struggled to get near the
car. Being a clever sort, he started
shouting loudly, "Let me through!
Let me through please! I am the son of the
victim."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 105 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 478 )
Wednesday, April 7, 2010, 07:23 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in
the library.
--- Westheimer's Discovery
Language is the source of misunderstandings.
--- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you
say when your kids are teenagers don't reach
them till they're in their 40s.
There was a Captain of a ship, and everyday at
a certain time he would lock himself up in his
cabin and look inside a mysterious black box.
He did this every day, but he told nobody what
was inside that box. Then one day he died and
in his testament he wrote: "Now you can open
the black box."
So they opened the black box. And what they
found was a piece of paper, on it was written
"Starboard is right, port is left."
Thanks to Kay for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Donald Wolfe, 55, Brookville, Pennsylvania
Drunk man tried to revive roadkill
A US man has been charged with public drunkenness after he
tried to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to roadkill.
Police arrested Donald Wolfe, 55, after witnesses reported
seeing him trying to revive a long dead possum, reports
the Philadelphia Inquirer.
One reported seeing Mr Wolfe kneeling before the animal
and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance.
Another reported seeing him give mouth to mouth resuscitation
to the carcass on a highway north-east of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
State police trooper Jamie Levier said the animal had been
dead a while.
Trooper Levier says the Brookville man was "extremely intoxicated"
and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess".
A possum is about the size of a domestic cat. The animals are
known for feigning death when threatened, hence the phrase
"playing possum".
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Elvira
Re: File Error Notification
Dear Webby
I got this email telling me about some file error notification,
and to click on some weird address to diagnose and fix it.
Is that legit?
Elvira
Dear Elvira
Do NOT click on anything in that email.
Delete it, then dump it from the trash.
If you click on that, your computer is infected with a
ransom-ware trojan virus, that you probably can't get
rid off without formatting and re-installing Windows.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day.
Give him a modem,
and he won't bother you all night.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grate Orange Rind Before Eating
No new tip today
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Upon her engagement, the exuberant
young woman went to her mother and said,
"I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want
from me, sympathy?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Ms Leibovitz heard rumors that there was
sexual harrassment going on at New York
City Transit and went to work there.
However, when nobody lived up to that
rumor and provided her with any sexual
harrassment, she sued the Transit
authority, that having to worry about getting
sexually harrassed or not, was a form of
sexual harrassment and caused her to gain
weight.
She was originally awarded $60 000,
however last Wednesday the Second
Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the jury
award and reversed a lower court judge's
ruling supporting it.
As of now, not getting sexual harrassment
is not a form of sexual harrassment.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 117 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 606 )
Which LCD monitors are better?
Tuesday, April 6, 2010, 09:06 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original,
you will have to ram it down their throats.
--- Howard Aiken
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase;
if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
--- C. P. Snow
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut
off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her
friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?
And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always
did, so I thought you were supposed to."
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut
off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother
replied,"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom
always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young
woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end
of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, otherwise it would never
fit into my baking pan."
Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother said to
him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but you're loving him
too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and
squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"
Little Johnny thought a moment and then said,
"I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and
Aunt Agnes was here to squeeze the cake out of me!"
Careful!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Alexa Gonzalez in New York City
US girl sues for $1m over arrest for desk scribble
Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by police
A 12-year-old US schoolgirl is suing the New York City authorities
for $1m (£650,000) in damages after she was arrested for
writing on her desk.
Alexa Gonzalez was led out of her school in handcuffs by
police after she was caught scribbling a message to her
friends with an erasable, green marker.
Miss Gonzalez and her mother are suing the police and
education departments in New York City. They are claiming
for excessive use of force and violation of her rights.
Miss Gonzalez was caught scribbling "I love my friends
Abby and Faith" on her desk during a Spanish class in
February. The 12-year-old said her Spanish teacher then
"dragged" her to the dean's office, where eventually
police had to be called to deal with her.
Miss Gonzalez told the New York Daily News she broke down
as she was led out of Junior High School 190 in Queens
in handcuffs.
She said she was then held at a local school precinct for
hours in what she calls a traumatising and excessive ordeal.
New York City officials, considering that the schools and
police have too much money, chose not to back them up and
announced the arrest was a mistake, saying better judgement
should have been used by the arresting officers.
Miss Gonzalez was suspended from school and tried in a
family court, where she was given eight hours of community
service and ordered to write an essay about lessons to be
learned from the incident.
Her family's lawyer said the school had overreacted by
calling the police. He of course did not mention any
difficulties the dean's office had in dealing with her.
"We want to stop this from happening to other young
children in the future," the lawyer, Joseph Rosenthal,
told the New York Daily News.
Even if the schools and the police get off, the public admission
of a mistake, instead of an internal action, will cost the city
a lot of lawyer bills.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Andy
Re: LCD monitors
Dear Webby
While shopping for an LCD monitor I noticed that some of them
have a soft and flexible surface and others have a hard glass
surface. Which are better?
Andy
Dear Andy
The hard glass surface monitors are a class better than the
ones with the soft plastic surface. The glass does not scratch
and is not fussy about how you clean it.
The soft plastic does not protect the fragile glass behind it,
it just glosses over the coarse resolution of a cheap monitor.
It gives you, at first glance, the impression that you got a
reasonably high resolution, but when you look closer you see
that fine details are mushy.
Glass front monitors are usually more expensive, but provide
a class better resolution. For example, on the Lenovo LP201p,
that I use, writing that can be covered up with a wooden match,
is perfectly legible, sharp and without jaggies, and it has the
1600 x 1200 resolution, that I need. yes, you CAN get
1600 x 1200 LCDs with proper 4:3 ratio, but not at Walmart
or other bargain places.
Even though good monitors costs more than bargain monitors,
they still cost less than eye glasses.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
I find it strange that all those psychics claim they know my future
and the winning lottery numbers, yet they fail miserably in
predicting that I dump their mail without reading it.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grate Orange Rind Before Eating
Before I eat an orange, or use the juice of a lemon,
I always grate the rind off, and keep frozen in a container.
Then when a recipe calls for either, I always have some
zest on hand. Handy to have to whip up a special salad
dressing, too!
By Pergammano from Galiano, B.C.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
If olive oil comes from olives,
where does baby oil come from?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A young minister, in the first days of his first
parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an
eccentric man who had just died. Standing
before the open casket and consoling the
widow, he said, "I know this must be a
very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must
remember that what we see here is the husk
only, the shell --
the nut has gone to heaven."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 152 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 631 )
Which mouse lasts longest?
Monday, April 5, 2010, 06:45 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, April 5, 2010
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the
one I've never tried before.
--- Mae West
John: I got this great new hearing aid the
other day.
Mary: Are you wearing it now?
John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's the best that money can buy.
Mary: What kind is it?
John: Twelve-thirty.
Morris was at his usual place sitting at the
table, reading the paper after breakfast. He
came across an article about a beautiful
actress that was about to marry a football
player who was known primarily for his lack
of smarts and common sense.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of
question on his face.
"I'll never understand why the biggest bozos
get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
Late one night at the insane asylum one
inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
"I did NOT !!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this piture:
Should I pounce on my sister, or should I have a nap?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Franchesca Dominique Edwards, 25 from Norfolk, Virginia
Naked in elevator
A Norfolk woman was arrested at the new Hilton Hotel & Spa
in Short Pump Friday night after being found nude in an
elevator with a toy gun. According to Henrico Police,
25-year-old Franchesca Dominique Edwards was found after
“strange noises” were heard in the elevator around 8:30 p.m.
A hotel staff member asked Edwards to leave. When she
refused, she pulled a fake gun, reportedly a cap pistol,
on the employee, who then called police.
Glamor Shot at the Cop Shop
tastefully dressed in a prison shirt.
The woman was arrested by authorities at the hotel, in the
12000 block of West Broad Street, in the parking lot.
Edwards was charged with indecent exposure and brandishing
a weapon.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Maryann
Re: Which mouse lasts the longest?
Dear Webby
I use my computer a lot, and when I don't, my hubby does.
It used to be that a decent mouse lasted as long as a computer,
but that sure doesn't seem to be the case any more.
My half year old Logitech mouse starts freezing the curser,
and only unplugging it for a moment or moving it to another
USB port gets it working again. Then it works for a few
minutes, and freezes up again.
Even though crawling under the table and unplugging and
replugging the stupid mouse in the dark is probably good
exercise, I am sick and tired of it.
It's not the USB port. When I got fed up enough I borrowed
an old mouse, on which the Paste button is worn out, from
my son. Other than the missing Paste, it works fine and
never freezes the curser. Is there any way to fix my wired
Logitech Laser mouse?
If not, which mouse lasts the longest?
Thanks
Maryann
Dear Maryann
That mouse has timed out, and is not fixable. If you bought
it at Staples and you stil have the receipt, you can trade it
in for another one. For the first six months, that is a great
mouse, unfortuunately they die young if used a lot.
If you don't have a receipt, or if you bought it at Walmart,
dispose of it.
The mice I get the most hours out of are Microsoft mice.
The Laser 6000 and the Intellimouse Explorer both last a
couple of years. They don't seem to count the usage hours,
and their weak point is the first few inches of cable,
not the electronics. THAT is easily fixable. Just shorten
the cable a few inches, and it is good for another year
or two.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and
didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too.
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she
told him.
"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you
intending to marry?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cereal Bags to Leftover Store Ham
This is the perfect way to save your Easter ham. A big ham
fits perfectly in a recycled bag from a large box of cereal.
For ham, I especially like the very large corn flakes bags.
It's wonderful as you have no mess with going in and out
of the bag as anything messy stays inside the bag. The
ham can be "carefully" sliced inside the bag, if you're just
slicing a small amount and don't want the mess. You can
save the messy stuff inside the bag for future recipes.
I save all cereal bags when the box of cereal has been
eaten as they are too good to throw away. In my opinion,
they are better than anything you can buy to store food
or other things in. They're even good to cover seeds,
that you have started indoors. Like Thrifty Fun, cereal bags
are absolutely wonderful!
By Suzy from Clinton, TN.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Neither of Sue's kids ever understood her logic.
Somehow they failed to see why THEY had to go to bed
when SHE was tired.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 98 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 630 )
Sunday, April 4, 2010, 07:36 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter, !
Remember what Easter is all about?
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
--- Sam Brown, Washington Post, 1977
I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
--- Gilda Radner
The world is full of willing people:
some willing to work
and some willing to let them.
A baby-sitter is a teenager
acting like an adult
while the adults are out acting like
teenagers.
When a physician remarked on a new
patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion,
he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It
comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" the
doctor asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your
wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed.
"You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Apolonio Lopez, 44, of Apolonio Lopez, 44, NM
Sent in by Cat
18th DUI
Man arrested 18 times for DWI
Published : Friday, 02 Apr 2010, 11:27 PM MDT
ALBUQUERQUE (KRQE) - An Albuquerque man who has 17 prior DUI
arrests on his record was busted again Friday night after a
Bernalillo County Sheriff's Deputy said the man almost
rear-ended his police cruiser going 87 miles per hour.
Apolonio Lopez, 44, was driving behind a deputy around
midnight on Interstate 25 near the Albuquerque Sunport when
he approached the deputy's car at a high rate of speed,
according to a report from BCSO.
The deputy said he was forced to swerve to avoid being hit
by Lopez.After that, the deputy got behind Lopez and pulled
him over. According to the report, Lopez smelled of alcohol
and was slurring his speech.
Lopez had a 0.18 percent blood-alcohol level, more than twice
the legal limit, a BCSO spokesman said.
He was out on probation Friday night for driving on a
revoked license. "He has no reason to stop, he has none,"
Atkinson said. "Going through the court system seems to be a
hobby for him."
In addition to his 18th DWI arrest Friday, Lopez was also
arrested for reckless driving and speeding.
BCSO said the car he was driving belonged to someone
he lives with.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Nub
Re:
Hey Webby,
Got a problem with the images in your letters. There aren't
any, displayed anywhere, all I see are little boxes. If I click
on a box, I get transferred to a copy of the letter with the
images included. Sometimes I get a copy of the same letter
I had to start with, sometimes to a letter which is completely
different. I have Gmail and it has always served me well.
I have had your letters for many years and never a problem.
I enjoy your no nonsense, straight forward approach to the
giving of advise to old goats like me that are Computer
challenged. Thank you sir...
Nub
Dear Nub
That sounds like a typical IE "feature".
It seems that Microsoft is trying to start a pissing contest
with Google. There have been no changes in the Humor Letter.
The only thing that changed is the recent IE updates.
The solution is switching to FireFox or any browser other than IE.
The same emails suddenly look just fine and the way they are
supposed to, when you view them with FireFox, Chrome, Opera,
Safari or Camino.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Thanks to Jai for this one:
How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate
because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the
pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please
remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
An ifn dey axe you how to ponounce
L8r=a,
it's like the honkeys would pronouce Latreesha,
but wif an ebonic haxent.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shaving Cream for Emergency Carpet Cleaning
After coming home from a twelve hour day at work, I was
greeted by my loving, newly adopted Boxer! I was also met
with a stench that would wake the dead, and when I looked
inside my home. I saw a dog parent's worst nightmare:
projectile diarrhea on my light beige carpet covering
approximately 15 square feet!
Having no name brand carpet cleaners in the house, I had
to get creative and fast before I passed out from the sight
and smell.
To my surprise and delight the following procedure worked
flawlessly for the stain and smell. I ran into the shower and
grabbed my Gillette Foamy shaving cream.
(After cleaning up what I could wearing gloves and a respirator),
I squirted the foam on each of the separate 18 (yes 18)
soiled areas. I let it sit for about 10-15 minutes.
Then, with a towel that was dampened with hot water, I agitated
the spots and EVERYTHING came out instantly! I have found
this works better than all the name brand, expensive carpet-stain
removers on the market!
By Greg from Columbia, SC
Editor's Note: Be sure to use the old fashioned white shaving
cream. Using a gel based shaving product will not have the
same effect and may stain your carpet.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Man: "Just look at that young person with
the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?"
Bystander: "It's a girl. She's my daughter."
Man: "Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no
idea you were her father."
Bystander: "I'm not. I'm her mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 134 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 520 )
Is it safe to uninstall IE8?
Saturday, April 3, 2010, 08:29 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, April 3, 2010
The great thing in the world is not so much where we
stand, as in what direction we are moving.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr
One night, a lady stumbled into the police
station with a black eye. She claimed she
heard a noise in her back yard and ran out
swinging her rolling pin. The next thing she
knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked
out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to
investigate, and he returned a half hour
later with a black eye as well.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his
captain asked.
"No sir," he replied. "I stepped on the same
rake."
"I would like some vitamins for my son," the
mother said as she walked into the
pharmacy.
"Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist.
"It doesn't matter, he can't read yet."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Thaylin Shawn Pierce, of Billings, Montana
Drunk at 11th DUI sentencing
BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) - A 49-year-old Montana man who was
intoxicated when he came to court for his trial on a felony
drunken driving charge has pleaded no contest to his 11th DUI.
Thaylin Shawn Pierce, of Billings, entered the plea Thursday.
He's free on bond until his sentencing June 22, and will
probably make it an even dozen by then.
Pierce was charged in November 2008 after he tried to drive
after being kicked out of a casino. His trial was scheduled to
begin Wednesday, but the judge suspected Pierce was intoxicated.
A breath test showed Pierce had a blood-alcohol level of
0.093 percent.
Negotiations for a plea agreement began. One of the conditions
was that Pierce had to return to court sober the next morning
to enter his plea.
Pierce has nine previous drunken driving convictions in Colorado
and another one in Wyoming.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Guinn
Re:
Dear Webby,
Hi, Webby.
We got a new computer that should have had IE6 installed
but find we have IE8 instead. I know that we can download IE6
but is it safe to do so and then uninstall IE8 and install IE6?
Will it mess anything up?
Thanks for any help you can give us,
Guinn
Dear Guinn
I doubt that you can uninstall IE8 safely.
Just use FireFox and don't worry about it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A man who smelled like a bar at closing time,
flopped on a subway seat next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained and his
collar showed some liptsick smears.
He opened his newspaper and began
reading. After a few minutes the disheveled
guy turned to the priest and asked,
"Say,Father, what causes arthritis?"
"It's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol
and a contempt for your fellow man!"
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered,
returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very
sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father, I was just reading
here that the Pope does."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Glass Jars for Homemade Iced Tea
Save money, calories and chemicals going into your body by
re-purposing store-bought glass tea jars for homemade ice tea.
Clean the bottles after you're finished with your drinks (or get
friends to give you some), then make a big batch of tea on the
stove by boiling water and adding the tea bags to steep. I add
some honey to mine and then when it cools down, I pour it into
the glass bottles. I keep these in the fridge (make caffeine-free
and caffeinated ones separately) and grab when I'm going out
the door. I save money on the tea, limit calories of a caffeinated
soda, and don't have to ingest all those chemicals that come
from a soda!
By Erin from Blue Bell, PA
Once it gets warm enough to really enjoy ice tea, you can easily
make it in gallon pickle jars set in a sunny spot that is sheltered
from the wind. In spring and fall you can use a miniature
greenhouse like the ones made for growing herbs on window
sills or a tomato cage with a clear plastic bag to shelter the jar.
Make sure you don't put the lid on tight, because with a mini
greenhouse it will come to a boil quite easily.
Depending on my mood, I also toss a quarter lemon or orange
in with the teabags.
A one CDN gallon jug will fill 18 250 ml drinking bottles but
only need 3 - 4 tea bags for sun tea.
With the smaller US gallon jugs (3.8 Liters instead of 4.5 Liters)
you can fill 15 of the 250 ml drinking bottles and 3 teabags
are usually enough.
To decant from the jug into drinking bottles, put a small non-slip
pillow or sponge near the edge of the counter, set the jug
on it and tilt it. If you have arthritis or klutzy members of the
household, you can get a jug tipper for $16.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Morris and Sam have been at odds all
through the school year, however, they
decide to forgive each other for any unkind
actions and thoughts for the holiday.
"And," says Morris, "I wish you, what you
would wish for me."
Sam yelled, "Are you ALREADY starting
getting hostile again?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 181 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 615 )
Copy to another machine on the home network
Friday, April 2, 2010, 06:46 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, April 2, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
A philosopher is a sort of intellectual yokel who gawks
at things that sensible people take for granted."
--- Alan W. Watts
Thanks to Art for this story:
A property manager of single family residence was showing a unit to
prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes! Ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Stalin appears before Vladimir Putin in a dream,
and asks what he can do to help.
"What can I do?" Putin groans.
"The economy is collapsing, the miners are
on strike, the army is useless and nobody
treats us with any respect."
"Shoot the entire government and then
paint the Kremlin blue," says Stalin.
"Why blue?"
"I had a feeling you'd only want to
discuss the second half."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Rep. Hank Johnson, D-Georgia
Rep. Hank Johnson: Guam could 'tip over and capsize'
Johnson expressed his worries during a House Armed Services
Committee hearing on the defense budget Thursday.
Addressing Adm. Robert Willard, who commands the Navy's
Pacific Fleet, Johnson made a tippy motion with his hands and
said sternly, "My fear is that the whole island will become so
overly populated that it will tip over and capsize."
Talking very strained and slowly, like somebody who was was
trying to sound sophishicated after a large breakfast of
spiked water melon and hash brownies, he also mentioned
that he ish very concerned about glow-bull warming.
Video of it is at http://snipurl.com/hankjo
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Megan
Re: Copy to another machine on the home network
Dear Webby,
I need to copy a bunch of files from my laptop to the desktop
once a day, but really don't want the rigmarole of manually
stepping 27 levels deep down into Documents and Settings, etc.
on both machines. There MUST be a better way for doing that!
Megan
Dear Megan
First make sure you got the address bar on top of the
File Explorer turned on.
Next clear a spot on your desktop big enough for two icons,
preferably along the edge, where you let the important icons
peek around open windows.
Open a File Explorer and waddle down to that folder on one
machine.
Open a second File explrer and waddle down to that folder on
the other machine, ready to drag the files from one machine
to the other.
Now look at the address bar on top of each File Explorer.
At the left of the address bar you will see a tiny icon.
Drag that to the prepared spot on the desktop, and rename
it to for example DskTop
Do the same with the File Explorer showing the laptop, and
rename the shortcut LAP
From now on you just hit those two icons, and File Explorers
will open up already set to those specific directories, ready for
you to drag the files across.
If you are not scared of the raw DOS command line, and if you
or anybody is interested in it, I'll show you how to make a bat,
that will copy the files across whenever you click on ONE icon.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"
"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got
a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person
who done it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Finding Extra Plants in Pony Packs
I'm frugal, but do afford myself the "luxury" of buying the
small plants for my backyard raised garden and flower
beds. Today I decided to get started with the planting and
stopped to by a few plants from a mom and pop's roadside
stand not far from home. Upon examining the little four-packs,
which they sell for $1.25, I realized that many of the packs
had two or more plants growing in each of the four cups.
By spending a little extra time looking, I was able to buy
packs with as many as 9 plants in them rather than the 4
which are usually in the ones which come from the big box
garden centers who get them from huge greenhouse
operations. I saved money; I kept the profit to the merchant
in our community; and I got very healthy plants that hadn't
gone through several days of shipping and stocking.
By Sandy from Elon, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Only yesterday in 1898 it was made
illegal to package children up and
send them by parcel-post.
Seems the kids kept getting out of their boxes
and playing with the mail.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Sign in a veterinarian's office:
All unattended children will be given
a free kitten.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 117 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 681 )
Spell check Script error in IE
Thursday, April 1, 2010, 06:43 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, April 1, 2010
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
--- John Tudor
The public will believe anything,
so long as it is not founded on truth.
--- Edith Sitwell
Whatever it is the government does,
sensible Americans would prefer that the
government do it to somebody else.
--- PJ Orourke
From APC
The Chinese Government has announced that it has leveraged
it's 61% ownership of Yahoo-China into taking over the financially
insolvent parent company. With the unlimited funds at their
disposal, they plan to not only stop Google from annoying them,
but to use the New Yahoo to beat them into bankruptcy.
They announced that there will be no noticeable changes for
Yahoo users. The yahoos are expected to blame the planned
censoring on routine Yahoo malfunctions. Since the yahoos
don't complain about those, China does not anticipate losing
significant numbers of Yahoo subscribers.
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to
administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor
did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually
worse than that. I can never remember where I park my car,
where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there
-- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for a moment and considered the real
priorities, then answered in his kindest tones,
"Pay me in advance."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Patricia Edwards, 51,in Sanford, Florida
Florida Woman Robs Bank, Citing Her 'Bucket List'
What's on your bucket list? For a Florida woman who says
she suffers from leukemia and bipolar disorder, robbing a
bank was something she wanted to do before she dies, she
told MyFoxOrlando.com.
Patricia Edwards, 51, walked into a Bank of America branch
last week in Sanford, Fla., and handed a teller a note
demanding money.
"There was no plan, no nothing, just impulse," Edwards told
the Web site in an exclusive interview from the Volusia County
Jail. "I just walked by. I said, 'I'm gonna in there... passed
a note to gain some cash and I left."
Asked why she committed the crime, Edwards said:
"Because it was something I had on my bucket list... I think
everyone should have a list of things they want to do before
they expire."
Edwards, who was arrested three days later, said she
suffers from non-terminal leukemia and bipolar disorder
and was not taking her medication at the time.
Edwards, who remains held on $20,000 bail on two counts
of robbery, told MyFoxOrlando.com she regrets the bank heist.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ken
Re: Spell check script error in IE
Dear Webby,
Lately about 95% of the time when I ask for "spell check" in
my Google gmail I get the following instead of a spell check,
something I need to make my mail look good.
Stop running script? A script on this page is cusing
Internet Explorer to run slowly. If it continues to run, your
computer might become unresponsive.
Thanks again for all your help.
Ken
Dear Ken
That's just a routine Microsoft "feature".
If you use FireFox, you will never see that problem again.
There MIGHT be a fix for that "feature", but why bother?
FireFox is way ahead and sooner or later you will upgrade
to it anyway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Dear Webby
Not only did you solve my spell check problem, my butterfly
problem (images not showing) disappeared too!!
Big thanks!!
Ken
A man was walking along the beach and found a
bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone
so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked
the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For
your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only
one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I
have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have
never been able to because I'm afraid of flying,
and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So,
I wish for a road to be built from here to
Hawaii."
The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some
thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think
about the pilings needed to hold up the highway
and how deep they would have to be to reach the
bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement
and steel and concrete that would be needed. I'm
sorry, you will have to choose another wish."
The man thought for a minute and then told the
genie, "There is one other thing that I have
always wanted. I would like to be able to
understand women. What makes them laugh and
cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what
do they really mean when they say
'NOTHING is bothering them', what are their
true desires and needs? Basically...
what makes them tick?!?"
The genie stared at him for a while, and blinked
a few times. Finally, after what seemed hours,
he replied:
"So, do you want two lanes on your bridge,
or four?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making a Paper Easter Basket
Too long for here
You can read it at http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There were these two elderly people living
in a Florida mobile home park. He was a
widower and she a widow. They had known
one another for a number of years. Now,
one evening there was a community
supper in the big activity center. These two
were at the same table, across from one
another. As the meal went on, he made a
few admiring glances at her and finally
gathered up his courage to ask her,
"Will you marry me?"
After a dramatic pause and precisely six
seconds of 'careful consideration,' she
answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."
The meal ended and with a few more
pleasant exchanges and they went to their
respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she
say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he
just could not recall. Not even a faint
memory. With trepidation, he went to the
telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't
remember as well as he used to. Then he
reviewed the lovely evening past. As he
gained a little more courage, he then
inquired of her,
"When I asked if you would marry me, did
you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I
said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all
my heart."
Then she continued, "And I am so glad that
you called, because I couldn't remember
who had asked me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds
awoke early one morning. The couple had
been up for quite a while before they met
again in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing
with the husband, and he greeted his new
wife with glee and excitation that morning.
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice,
sweetheart," said the newlywed bride,
"breakfast will be ready."
"Great! What are we having for breakfast?"
he asked
"Toast and juice." replied the bride.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 114 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 483 )
Wednesday, March 31, 2010, 07:10 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The strongest human instinct is to impart information,
the second strongest is to resist it.
--- Kenneth Grahame
Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off your goal.
--- Henry Ford
A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a
fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday.
A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the
counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?"
"Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about
this one?" she answers.
The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and
can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop
it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the
sound it makes."
The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops
it on the counter.
He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium
action - $15."
Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same.
"Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used
with ultralight tackle - $20."
Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one.
As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady feels the gasses
produced by the beans at lunch to rumble and escape, but
feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has
no idea who she is.
Salesman says, "That'll be $25."
"TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?"
"That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and
$2 for the stinkfish bait."
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for
his first day of work. The manager greeted him
with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep
out the store."
"But I'm a university graduate," the young man
replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the
manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show
you how."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Iulian Breazu, 24, in Sibiu, Romania
Dancing while drunk driving
![]()
A Romanian lorry driver, who was filmed dancing while driving
his lorry with his feet, has lost his licence for drink driving.
Iulian Breazu, 24, became an internet sensation when the clip
of him frantically gyrating around his cab was uploaded onto
YouTube.
Authorities in his native Romania have now put the brakes on
his antics after he was caught behind the wheel at more than
double the drink drive limit.
Traffic police in Sibiu confiscated his licence for 90 days -
and ordered him to take a safety test before he gets it back.
"He has clearly had it coming and the road is a safer place
without him on it," said one officer.
The dopy driver horrified thousands of road users with his
film of himself dancing around his truck cab to wild gypsy music.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Don
Re: $3 Earthlink
Dear Webby,
I noticed your note about a $9 Earthlink account this morning.
I have had Earthlink for a number of years and I have been very
satisfied with the service. Since going to a broadband connection
and wishing to keep my Earthlink address, I now subscribe to the
service that does not provide any dial up access which is less
than $3/month and I am able to still maintain my Earthlink address.
I am sure you are aware of this but perhaps your subscribers
are not.
Don
Calhoun, GA
Dear Don
Earthlink has so many different plans, I doubt that I know
about more than half of them. Sometimes, it seems, they
make up a brand new, even better deal, on the spur of the
moment. It definitely pays to chat with them!
I have used Earthlink when traveling since 1995 and as
backup for whenever my local DSL fails, for the last 10 years.
Thanks for telling us about the $3 piggy-back deal!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Johnny sneaks up behind a girl and yells: "BOO!"
"Hey!" exclaims the girl, you scared me half out of my pants!"
Johnny responds: "BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rising Costs of 3D Movies
Due to a recent a raise in the price of 3D movies you now
are paying nearly $15 to see a movie in 3D in most areas.
That's $5 more than seeing the non-3D version of the same
movies. A family of four can save $20 by opting for the
non-3D alternative.
Lewis from Port Orchard, WA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a
young lady was brought before the judge to
answer for a ticket given her for driving through
a red light. She explained to his honor that she
was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate
disposal of her case so she could get to the
school on time.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.
"You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said.
"Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition.
I've waited years to have a schoolteacher
in this court. Sit down at that table and write 500
times: ‘I drove through a red light even though I
knew it is against the law.' !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years,
but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on
the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The
foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow
Murphy of her old man's death.
He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she
came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your
poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into
the vat and drowned."
She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a
time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"
"Knowing Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the
foreman, "He climbed out of the vat three times to go to the
men's room."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 1633 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 611 )
Tuesday, March 30, 2010, 08:16 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I myself am made entirely of flaws,
stitched together with good intentions.
--- Augusten Burroughs
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
--- Goethe
Thanks to Cookie for this:
I was out with family and friends at a local pub, and I really
stuck my foot in my mouth!
They had a contest going on at the pub —and of course
we all joined in. I was doing quite well, proud of being able
to answer all the questions.
I lost out on winning the pub quiz by one point.
The question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"
Apparently its Africa
Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam
couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't
mention all the men she could/should have married.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Dorota Mildrowska in Otwock, Poland.
Snake in suspect's bra
Police arresting a suspected drug dealer got the shock of
their lives when a 4ft snake suddenly nipped out of her bra.
The python had been curled up around the breasts of suspect
Dorota Mildrowska in Otwock, Poland.
Police had arrested her over bags of amphetamines which
they'd found at her apartment. Officers admitted they had not
searched her immediately after her arrest to avoid breaching
her human rights.
"We respect human rights and so no one thought to look inside
her blouse," said a police spokesman.
They resisted the temptation to immediately shoot the snake,
but are still researching how many laws Dorota broke.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ann D
Re: Can't send more than 3 lines
Dear Webby,
- have to keep this small. How can I check to see if I have clicked the
wrong thing? Can't send out any but the smallest emails. Tried Eudora,
Thunderbird and Outlook..no luck. Can you help? Thanks Ann
Dear Ann
You mentioned on Skype that
"Anything over about 3 lines it says that my provider has terminated...
or some such words...they haven't...spent hours with the "techs" at
Shaw to try and see if it was them."
Ann, when 3 totally different email programs produce exactly
the same error, then the problem is not at your end, it is at your
provider's end.
The error "provider has terminated" spells it out clearly enough.
You can easily prove it to them by getting a $9 Earthlink account,
and then use Eudora to mail them a 25 MB PPS file. If they still argue,
send them the same file again with Thunderbird and Outlook.
Shaw has good connectivity, but they are traditionally very
weak on the email side.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while
his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was
lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little
Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he
could. Finally, when he could take it any longer, he jumped
up, and yelled above the noise,
"For Pete's sake, Harold, can't you play something the dog
doesn't know?!"
------
That reminds me, ... do you know the main difference
between a violin and a viola ?
A viola burns longer.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Picking Up Straight Pins
I've been sewing on my kitchen table without using a pin
cushion because I couldn't find it! So I took a lint brush,
the sticky kind, to gather up the straight pins instead of
sticking my fingers. Works great!
By Tammy from NovaScotia, Canada
Any magnet, even a fridge magnet, works fine too.
Best are the flexible strip magnets for hanging up screwdrivers
and pliers. If you glue a bit of sheet metal to the outside of
your sewing box, you can attach the strip there. Needles,
thimbles or scissors tossed in the general direction of the
strip get snagged out of mid-air and neatly held.
When done, you just peel the strip off the sheet metal anchor
and toss it into the sewing box.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade
class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an
experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of
whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the
professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in
the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could
be.
Then he put the second worm into the whiskey. It writhed
painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a
doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this
experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and
wisely, responded, "If you drink whiskey you won't get worms!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been
feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and
comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of
water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of
water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red
pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers,
"Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?"
Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 187 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 563 )
Monday, March 29, 2010, 08:27 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, March 29, 2010
All animals are equal
but some animals are more equal than others.
--- George Orwell
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar
3 year-old Kelli went with her neighbor girl to church for First
Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their
hands, and when he gives them the Host-in, this practise
case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you."
Apparently this made quite an impression on Kelli. She
came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend
down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed
it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic
voice: "God will get you."
Two writers of modern poetry who had been bitter rivals for
years met on a busy street corner.
"You know, since we last met, my audience has increased!"
the first said.
"Congratulations!" the second one said. "How did you do it?
By marriage or by adoption? "
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Krystal Gardner, 28, of Tool, Texas
Woman tosses baby into SUV to block repo
Mar 25, 4:18 AM (ET)
DALLAS (AP) - A woman is accused of throwing her year-old son
into her SUV in a failed attempt to stop the vehicle from being
repossessed in Dallas. Krystal Gardner of Tool was jailed
Wednesday on bail of nearly $3,800 on charges including
child endangerment related to abandonment, no driver's license
and no insurance.
Recovery agent Luke Ross told KTVT-TV that he was in the
Ford Expedition when he saw Gardner toss the baby through
an open window. He said the baby landed on the seat
"like a kid bouncing on a bed."
Texas law bans a vehicle from being repossessed if a person
is inside.
Police were called. Krystal Gardner was arrested, the baby
was removed for placement with his father.
Ross then repossessed the SUV.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bertha
Re: Facebook Virus
Dear Webby,
a couple of weeks ago, earthlink sent an email saying they
would not deliver an email from facebook , I had deactivated
the account because it had a virus, today someone sent me
a note from there, when I went to log on to facebook, I had
a note saying that there was a virus at the facebook account..
what do you suggest, I want to get in there and delete my
account but I am afraid to, and I do not have virus protection.
your expert advice is appreciated..
Bertha
Dear Bertha
I don't think you can infect Facebook. They don't use Windows, they use Linux.
Most likely your computer is already infected.
Those fake Facebook Virus messages are probably from the
infection in your computer, not from Facebook.
By not using virus protection, you are contributing to the
spread of viruses.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Wife: "I'm happy to see that the neighbors finally returned
our lawn mower before they moved. They certainly had it
long enough."
Husband: "*Our* lawn mower? I just bought it at the garage
sale they're having."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Q-Tips to Apply Goo Gone
I absolutely LOVE the product Goo Gone! I use it a lot!
I have discovered a very economical way to use this
product. First, I buy the large package of cotton swabs at
the Dollar Tree for $1.00. There were 300 swabs in the
package that I purchased.
Second, you can find a small bottle of Goo Gone also at
the Dollar Tree. When I need to use Goo Gone, I simply
put the tip of the cotton swab at the opening of the Goo Gone.
I put just enough Goo Gone to fill the tip and begin using
the loaded cotton swab on the stickiness that I need to
remove. I use the stem of the swab as my tool to work the
sticky off the surface.
If I don't need to use the other end, I just pop the swab into
two pieces and discard the used side. I save the other end
for the next time.
By Southeastgeorgiapeach from Jesup, GA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day little Johnny was in his back yard digging a hole.
His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate.
"Whatcha doin?" he asked.
"My budgie bird died and I'm burying him," Johnny replied.
"That's an awful big hole for a little bird, ain't it?" asked
the neighbor.
"That's because he's inside your big, fat, dead cat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the gates
there are two lines. One has a sign over it that States
"I did everything my wife told me to."
The second line has a sign that states,
"I made my own decisions."
Joe comes up and gets in the first line that wraps around
and around and goes on for eternity. As he's standing there
he notices the second line only had one man standing in it.
He asks the guys in front of him, "Who does he think he is?
Yeah right he made his own decisions. "
After long thought and not coming up with any reason for
why this man was standing in the line by himself he goes up
to him asks why he is in that line. The man replies,
"I don't really know. My wife told me to stand over here."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 226 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 419 )
Are computers getting dumber?
Sunday, March 28, 2010, 09:21 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, March 28, 2010
Horse sense is the thing a horse has
which keeps it from betting on people.
--- W. C. Fields
All phone calls are obscene.
--- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter
because nobody listens.
--- Nick Diamos
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet
celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those
wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best
teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness,
forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many
other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed
single."
Seen on a T-shirt:
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -
Do You Want Fries With That?"
Thanks to dad for this picture:
Echinomastus-acunensis
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Memeth J in Basel, Switzerland
Too hot to handle
A punter's night in a transexual brothel turned out hotter than he'd
bargained for when a fire swept through the place trapping him
naked on the balcony.
The horrified customer risked burning to death rather than reveal
his face once he realised TV crews and cameramen were watching
the blaze in Basel, Switzerland.
He was only persuaded to leave the balcony when firefighters
promised to let him cover his face.
"I just hope people can't tell who I am from my bottom," explained
the punter, identified only as Memeth J by police to spare his blushes.
"I'm gay and was visiting a friend but my family don't know about me
so I couldn't show my face."
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alexa
Re: Computers getting dumber
Dear Webby,
Is it just me, or is it true that the quality and performance
of laptops has gone down? You can't even get any with
regular screens any more, just the low height rejects.
Are they keeping the ones, that are good enough for regular
screens for first class countries?
The same goes for the Operating System. Nobody, except a
few paid magazine writers, wants that flakey Vista or W7
that Microslop is trying to force down our throats. I have
tried them on other people's computers, and both Vista and W7
are pathetic.
I am not a conspiracy fanatic, but it sure feels to me as if
something is afoot to dumb down the masses to the same
pathetic level our education system is in. Is it just me, or
is that what is going on?
Alexa
Dear Alexa
I was at the computer store today, getting a cable, when I
witnessed an incident, that really opened my eyes. There was
this lady, who, judging by her posture, vocabulary, and volume
must have been a drill sergeant, or maybe she still is.
She was extremely displeased about all the shiny new laptops
there having the sawed off low height screens, and called the
prim and proper salesman a "Useless Skunk-fu***r" for trying
to ram sawed off rejects at Americans, while Asians get the
good full size screens. I admit, she had a very valid point there,
and she sure got it across at max volume. Shy and demure were
probably the only words not in her vocabulary.
Then she realized that all machines were pre-loaded with
Windows 7, and really got hostile. When it looked like she
was going to toss the salesman through the display isle any
moment, I tapped her on the shoulder, and motioned "Outside"
with my head. I'll say this for her, she was instantly in control,
stopped in mid word and followed me outside.
There I suggested that she not waste her time with those idiots,
just go to Staples online and buy a refurb XP laptop
with regular screen for $350, to tide her over until she could
order a decent new machine from Asia or Europe.
Chances are, though, that a refurb like that will do her just
fine for many years.
That sure made her day!
Alexa, hopefully that information will help you too.
Yes, there is indeed something nefarious going on, when people
have to buy refurbished old machines, if getting work done
is a priority. The new ones are just not good enough.
I too use those refurb XP machines from Staples. They have
good 4:3 ratio screens, not the sawed off rejects, and they
come pre-loaded with XP-Pro. AND, Staples delivers them
without charge. They can't keep them stocked in stores,
but ship them instantly, if you order them online.
By the way, they ship it in a box stuffed with wadded up
recyclable brown paper, that you can toss onto the compost
pile. No hassle with foam and plastic.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
In the toilet at a client's office, the boss placed a sign directly
above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at
the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap
dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign
which read, "THOAP!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Install a Carbon Monoxide Detector
Carbon Monoxide Detector
(Too lng to print here)
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask
him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car,
nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped
centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything
went quiet in the cab, then the driver said
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the
daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologised and said he didn't realise that a
little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied
"Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a
cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25
years!!!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed.
Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 139 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 695 )
Saturday, March 27, 2010, 07:35 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, March 27, 2010
No man is exempt from saying silly things;
the mischief is to say them deliberately.
--- Michel de Montaigne
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
--- Flannery O'Connor
Thanks to Carol for sending this link to today's new volcano
Awesome pictures!
Thanks to Dianne for this story:
A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi in Bnei Brak
( a town in Israel ). '
'Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me,'' she says. '
'Who will be the lucky one?''
The wise old Rabbi answers: "Yankele will marry you.
Yosele will be the lucky one."
A father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family."
Son replied, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who believes
I'm a schmuck?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to an improperly dressed drunk in Sudbury, Ontario
Sent in by Jackie
Man in underwear charged with impaired driving
SUDBURY, Ont. - A man who showed up at a convenience store
in sub-zero weather wearing only a jacket and underwear has
been charged with impaired driving offences.
Sudbury police said when officers arrived at the store Thursday
night, they determined the man was intoxicated and had driven
to the store.
His car was towed and police suspended his licence for 90 days.
The 41-year-old man is charged with impaired operation of a motor
vehicle and blowing over the legal alcohol limit for driving.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cookie
Re: No sound in PPS
Dear Webby,
I use ‘Open Office” as you advised but…I cannot get sound
when I play pps files in it.
Can you help me out with this problem?
Thanks,
Cookie
Dear Cookie
Hit F5 to play the PPS.
It knows that usually you just try to snag pictures, so it
opens that way by default. F5 switches to Auto-Play.
ESC switches back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a
northern Arizona truckstop, four elderly ranchers
were discussing everything from cattle, horses,
and weather to how things used to be in the "good old
days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their
spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his
right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and Bea
celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"
"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.
"Well, are you gonna do anything special to
celebrate?" another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then
replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Mesa.
Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and visit her."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reviving Limp Celery and Carrots
I had some celery in my fridge which had gone really soft
and limp. I was complaining about it to a friend (since it
was almost an entire stalk!) and he told me that the celery
was just dehydrated and it was easy to get it back to its
original state. Just cut the bottom of the stalk, then use
a pitcher or vase, fill with water and put your celery in.
Within a few days it will be crisp again! This can also be
done with carrots (bottom part at the bottom of the pitcher).
By Lisa from Halifax, NS
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Woman's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine.
They all start out like grapes,
and it's our job to stomp on them
and keep them in the dark until they mature into something
with which you'd like to have dinner with."
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
"Women are like fine wine.
They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind
and then turn full-bodied with age
until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual
tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One
patient had some type of fish tattoo on her
abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking
whale," he commented.
With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 185 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 194 )
Friday, March 26, 2010, 06:34 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Friday, March 26, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops
And in the end it's not the years in your life
that count. It's the life in your years."
--- Abraham Lincoln
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
--- Bill Hoest
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the
opposing lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with
a bribe."
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney
Leon, gave me $15,000.
And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check.
He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000,
and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are
you again?"
"I am 78." The man said.
"78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You
look like a 60 year old."
"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that
whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off
and I would go outside to settle down." the man
explained.
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
"I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 53 year old drunk driving mother in Detroit
Detroit mother arrested for being drunk while driving to daughter's school
Police arrested a Detroit mother on a charge of drunken driving,
after her daughter refused to get into the car with her as the woman
tried to pick the girl up from Ferndale High School on Friday
mid-afternoon.
The woman was arraigned Saturday on charges of driving drunk,
fourth offense; driving with a suspended license, and possession
of marijuana.
A field sobriety test found the woman's blood-alcohol level at 0.28,
more than three times the legal limit of 0.08, Ferndale Police Lt.
William Wilson said. She was given a $56,000 cash bond at her
arraignment in 43rd District Court and is being held in the
Oakland County Jail, Wilson said.
"This is a serious case with the repeat offenses, and going
right on the school grounds, makes it extremely treacherous,"
Wilson said Monday.
School staff called police after the woman, 53, appeared
drunk when she asked the principal to call her daughter
out of class about 3:30 p.m. Her daughter refused to get
into the car with her. The Free Press is not naming the
woman to avoid racial profiling and to protect the girl's identity.
A responding Ferndale police officer watched the woman
try to park the car, administered sobriety tests and then
arrested her. Investigators who searched the car found
marijuana and the prescription drug Xanax.
A computer check showed that the woman had been convicted
of drunken driving four times, was driving with a suspended
license and had a warrant out for her arrest, Wilson said.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alice
Re: Active X not working
Dear Webby,
Thanks for all the great information, laughs, and just plain good fun.
I soo need your help. I recieved a message on my PC that my
Active x is turned off, therefore, I'm unable to see all of the
graphics. I am using a Dell Office Pro PCw/ Internet Explorer XP.
Please Tell me how to either turn it back on, or how to re-install it.
Thank you so very much.
Alice
Dear Alice
From Settings, Control Panel in the Start menu,
or from Tools on the Internet Explorer menu bar, select Internet Options.
Click on the Security tab, then the Custom Level button. Then click on
the checkmarks for ActiveX (there is more than one).
That should do the trick.
If you use FireFox, you don't have to worry about ActiveX.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans
and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly
the friendly skies'?"
Joe answered the correct airline.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan,
"Don't leave home without it?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no
difficulty.
"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan,
'Just do it'?"
And John answered, "Mom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recycle Wood Shavings in the Garden
Place wood shavings around your plants to prevent them from
getting sandy from rain or watering. This also retains moisture,
conserving water, and prevents weeds from growing through.
Wood shavings can be bought at many garden shops. They
may also be available from cabinet builders or wood workers.
By Marilyn from Colfax, LA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
about all the new technology. A technician followed her
onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
machine with tubes and wires and dials.
"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician.
"It's a floor-cleaning machine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole
digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in
the shade of a tree?"
"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss.
"Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're
standing in the shade?"
"Intelligence," the boss said.
"What do you mean, 'intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on
this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard
as you can."
The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit
the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand at the last
moment, and the ditch digger hit the tree.
The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend
asked, "What did he say?"
"He said we are down here because of intelligence."
"What's intelligence?" said the friend.
The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said,
Take your shovel and hit my hand."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 215 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 2.9 / 673 )
HP.exe problem and Sasser worm
Thursday, March 25, 2010, 07:40 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Thursday, March 25, 2010
Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--- Letterman
A young couple had a flat tire outside the fence of a mental
institution. The wife was leery of the inmates wandering
inside the compound, but there was a swift creek separating
them and her husband said it was OK. He took off the four
lug nuts and set them into the hubcap to keep them from
rolling away. Well, when he rolled the spare tire along the
car, he rolled it over the edge of the hubcap and the nuts
went flying into the creek.
He tried wrapping a coathanger around the lug bolts, but as
soon as he lowered the car, the wheel popped off to the
great amusement of the spectators behind the fence.
After a few more similarly hilarious attempts, finally an
inmate behind the fence told the young man to take one nut
from each of the other tires and put them on the spare. It
would be safe enough to get them to a service station a few
miles away.
"That's pretty smart for a guy in your place," the husband
said.
The inmate replied: "I may be crary, but I'm not stupid."
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders
were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker
on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general
seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said,
"General, I'm new at this.
Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Joseph Nicalaskey and Cesasr Alvarez-Jennings and two
women in Anchorage, Alaska
Teens steal pizza, face SWAT team
Written by Jason Zasky as part of Failure Analysis
March 23—The pizza at Sicily’s in Anchorage, Alaska, must be
really, really good. So good that it’s worth dying for—or at least
spending years in prison.
On Sunday night, four youths—two 19-year-old males and two
females (ages unknown)—robbed a Sicily’s Pizza delivery driver
at gunpoint. The driver resisted and a struggle ensued, but the
quartet eventually secured the pizza and ran off. They did not take
the driver’s money.
The driver followed one of the females—who apparently wasn’t
as fleet of foot as her accomplices—to a nearby apartment.
When Anchorage police arrived on the scene they took the slow
girl into custody, but the males—Joseph Nicalaskey and Cesasr
Alvarez-Jennings—and the other female barricaded the door and
refused to come out.
“They communicated to the officers that they knew they were
going to jail and didn’t want to come out because they wanted to
eat the pizza,” said Lt. Dave Parker.
Police subsequently called in a SWAT team, which broke into
the apartment and arrested the trio. The males were charged with
first-degree robbery, third-degree assault, and resisting an officer.
The females were charged with robbery and assault.
Read more: http://failuremag.com/index.php/failure ... z0j9twMA8G
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Helen
Re: HP.ex and Lsass problem
Dear Webby
I have been receiving this error message at start-up for a few days,
Runner Error:
Runner file name (Updates from HP.exe) lacks a '-'
and I have no idea how to deal with it. In addition, I have received
an error message twice this week telling me that my system was
going to be shut down and re-started. I was given 60 seconds
to close all programs. I only had time to write down part
of the message that referenced lsass.exe. Any idea if this
could be caused by a virus? I am running BitDefender on
Windows XP. I assume these are two separate problems,
but I really don't know. Any information or suggstions you
might have would, once again, be greatly appreciated!
Thank you, Webby!
Helen
Dear Helen
That could be a problem with the HP software.
Try HP Support chat:
http://www.hp.com/country/us/en/supp...isplay=support
Enter your model number, then on the bottom right it should give you the
online chat support option.
HP support is not nearly as bad on the text chat as they are
on the phone.
It could also be that your machine is infected with the
Sasser (lsass) worm, but HP should be able to tell you whether
the HP.exe is acting like the Sasser worm,
or if HP is only one or a bunch of problems.
The 60 second shutdown warning is actually a typical sign of
the Sasser worm. The most common sign is that your machine
will indicate that there is a problem and will reboot in 60 seconds.
The message caused by Sasser should indicate
that the problem is in LSASS.EXE.
Another sign of infection is that it will prevent you from going to
or downloading McAfee or any anti-virus programs that can kill
the worm. It doesn't block the freebie programs that are no
threat to it.
There are quite a few programs on the net that can get rid of
Sasser. Look for one that is not currently blocked by your worm.
Good Luck!
DearWebby
A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by
his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house."
"Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate, yes,
for sure, my dear, but in the House we don't call each other
thieves."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Your Kids School Projects
As our children grow, we save a lot of the "odd" things
they make at school, church, etc. In scrapbooking, it is
impossible to include most of those items. You don't want
to toss it, "Timmy made it" for me. So do the next best thing
and then you can scrapbook it and "scrap it" too!
Take a clear photo of the item, place it in your scrapbook
and journal the details, then toss the item. If you think your
child might want to see it one last time, ask if they do first.
Otherwise, you have the memory but not the box of stuff
you have nothing else you can use it for.
By Robin from Dover, FL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Joe, John and Big Bob were moving furniture. While Joe and
John were struggling with a particularly heavy oak
wardrobe. Joe noticed that Big Bob was nowhere in sight.
"John, where's Big Bob?" asked Joe. "He should be helping us
with this thing."
"He is helping," said John, "He's inside holding the clothes
hangers in place!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The President was awakened one night by an urgent
call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely
to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."
"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me
have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by
creatures from another planet."
"Gosh, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat treehuggers and
politicians, and they sweat gasoline."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 185 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 637 )
Wednesday, March 24, 2010, 07:23 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...
and the only one that can be mass-produced with unskilled labor.
--- Werner von Braun
A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church.
She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her
closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the
door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a
man coming towards her. "Tell - me," she panted in her
southern drawl, "is - m - ass - out?"
"Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked."
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins
with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Carly Houston, 29 of naperville, Illinois
Sent in by Jackie Z
Jailed woman called 911
A woman who was arrested and thrown in a jail cell was charged
again while sitting in her cell after she allegedly made a call to 911
saying she was "trapped."
The Naperville Sun newspaper reports Carly Houston was arrested
early Sunday morning in Naperville, Illinois, after she allegedly got
in a heated argument with a cab driver.
Police told the 29-year-old Chicago woman she could call a
relative or friend to come post her bail. Instead, the woman
allegedly called 911, telling the dispatcher she was
"trapped inside the Naperville police detention facility."
The newspaper reports Houston was initially charged with theft
of labour or services, criminal trespass and disorderly conduct.
She was later also charged with making a false 911 report.
http://www.torontosun.com/news/weird/20 ... 28111.html
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Frank
Re: Cleaning keyboard
Dear Webby
We had an argument at work about cleaning keyboards with
canned air. I distinctly remember that you got quite irate
about that idea a few times. Do you still feel that way about it?
Frank
Dear Frank
Yes, and I always will feel that way about it.
I highly recommend turning the keyboard upside down, and
repeatedly and emphatically beat anybody, who wants to use
canned air, over the head with it. That will shake all the cookie
crumbs, paperclips, french-fry fragments, etc. out and won't
hurt the keyboard at all.
Then, if you didn't hit the bonehead hard enough or often
enough, use a vacuum cleaner to get any remaining dirt out.
After that, spray it lightly with Window cleaner and wipe it
with a moist, but not dripping, soft sponge. Dry with an old
t-shirt rag or any soft and absorbent rag.
Canned air contains difluoroethane, or propane, or similar
propellant, and is explosive, when used indoors.
Or in vehicles. The guy who used canned air in this truck had
to spend four days in hospital afterward.
I bet he would have preferred it, if some kind soul had gonged
him with a keyboard and 'splained things to him before he
did that.
In addition to that, dumb kids "huff" that stuff, because it
makes them feel dopey, and every year a few of them die
from that.
Why risk all that, just to blow dirt from place A to place B?
If you don't have a bonehead talking in favor of using canned
air, or recommending VISTA, stick the keyboard into a garbage
bag, and bash it upside down onto a desk or the floor. All
the dirt will fly out of it and be neatly contained in the bag.
Then vacuum, spray, wipe and dry it, and it is clean.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an
old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."
The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to
the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."
The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is
incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to
hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of
the shoot. However, after several successful predictions,
the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big
scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on
you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said.
"My TV is broken."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Be Grateful for What You Have
The recession has taught me the difference between wants
and needs, and how grateful I am to have a warm home,
loving family and friends. Some things money just can't buy!
By Mary from Marshalltown, IA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said
at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him,
"Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor,
upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask
myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to
sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said
finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?"
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't think
that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself
while I'm alive."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 138 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3.1 / 758 )
Tuesday, March 23, 2010, 06:33 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of
scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter
is already settled.
--- Michael Crichton
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and
was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It
contained a girl's name and address, and asked the
recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought
to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman
so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a
photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read,
"Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of
guy would buy such a goofy shirt."
Thanks to my dad for thios picture:
This one bloomed today.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Jennifer Mercado, 20, New York
Juror accused of credit card theft
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in New York said a juror in a credit
card theft trial allegedly stole a fellow juror's credit card to use
on lunch break shopping sprees.
Investigators said Jennifer Mercado, 20, who was sitting on
a jury for a burglary, grand larceny and possession of a
stolen credit card trial, allegedly swiped fellow juror
John Postrk's American Express card and used it to buy
$500 worth of merchandise, the New York Daily News reported.
Mercado claimed Postrk, 49, gave her permission to use the
card March 8 because "he came on to me."
"It's a he-said, she-said situation. In court, they will find out he's lying,"
she said.
Postrk said prosecutors have asked him not to speak about
the case.
Mercado, who was removed from the jury, was arrested March 12
and charged with grand larceny, stolen property, identity theft
and unlawful use of a credit card. She faces up to four years in
prison if convicted.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Moo Mom
Re: Is there an F1 Virus?
Webby?
Is there such a thing as F 1 Key Virus going around ????????????
Some one sent me something as a virus warning for this.
Thanks, Moo Mom
Dear Moo Mom
Yes, there is indeed a virus that activates when you hit F1 AFTER
an email or page tells you to do that.
If any email or page tells you to hit F1, get outa there fast!
Without clicking on anything at all.
Hitting F1 is OK if it is your own idea, and not somebody elses,
but even then it is safer to click on HELP than hitting F1.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The
lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance
company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here
because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by
a flood, and my insurance company also paid for
everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start
a flood?" he asked.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save and Reuse Snack Containers
When I purchase pudding, yogurt or even jello, I save the
plastic containers and wash them thoroughly with soap
and water. They are the right size to either put snack such
as raisins or trail mix in for kids. They are the perfect size
to put paint and water in when kids want to paint. I love
this because the containers are small enough for kids to
hold. My daughter loves it.
By Chris from Ohio
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm,
knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door.
"Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked.
"Sure is. He's over to the cow barn."
"Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any
difficulty finding him?"
"Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard
and mustache, - and no horns."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
A man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet
of flowers to be delivered to his wife. When asked what he
wanted on the card, he replied that no card was necessary
as she'd know who they came from.
Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received
a frantic phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers.
The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included.
"Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers
BEFORE my husband comes home for lunch!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 184 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 834 )
Monday, March 22, 2010, 08:13 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Monday, March 22, 2010
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
--- G. K. Chesterton
Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of
labor by taking up another.
--- Anatole France
A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as
he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock.
"Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. My
husband is insanely jealous."
There was no time to run out the back door, so the
repairman hid inside the TV console. The husband came in
and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some
football.
Inside the TV, the repairman was all squashed up and
getting hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn't stand it
anymore. He climbed out, marched across the room and
out the front door.
The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife,
looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the
referee send that guy off the field, did you?
Thanks to Donna for this picture:
We live in Plano (Collin County) TX..population a little
over 200,000 and about 20 miles north of Dallas.
Sure enjoy your newsletter and all of your expertise.
I save all of your hints in a folder aptly named Webby's Hints
for future reference.
Donna
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Dragutin Cabor, 19, of Edmonton, Alberta
Sent in by Jackie Z
Thief busted after flipping off cops
KENORA, Ont. -- In hindsight, an Edmonton man should have
let the Kenora OPP officer pass him by without drawing attention
to himself.
However, after waving his hands at a passing officer on patrol
in the area of Highway 17A and Highway 641 and continuing
to the point of a rude gesture, the hitchhiker had the officer at
the point of feeling a need to address the subject's actions.
The officer learned the man wanted a ride to the nearest town.
After some discussion the officer chose to assist the man and
in the process became aware of two credit cards that did not
belong to him. The officer decided to look further into the property
in his possession. The investigation revealed the man was in
possession of two stolen credit cards, stolen GPS, iPod charger
and a Black Berry which he had obtained from various sources
while travelling through Winnipeg.
Dragutin Cabor, 19, of Edmonton has been charged with possession
of property obtained by crime.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 6-qmi.html
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Mike
Re: Win Zip alternative
Hi Webby
Is there anything else I can use besides Win Zip to open Zip files ?
Mike in Nevada
Hi Mike
Yes, sure!
There are lots of zip programs available free.
One that comes to mind is 7-zip from
http://www.7-zip.org/
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Two old farmers were discussing how productive their bulls
were. One farmer said he had a problem with his bull but
the vet gave him some medicine and he was jumping on
everything on the farm.
The other farmer said his bull was not doing to well either
and asked what medicine the vet used so he could get some.
The first farmer said he didn't know the name of the
medicine but it tasted like chocolate.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use an "Old" Slipper for Waxing Floors
This is a cleaning tip with funny story! I was preparing to
wax my floor the "old fashioned way" as my mom always did, on
my hands and knees, when I remembered a pair of plush slippers
that my daughter just threw out due to a crack along the bottom of
them. Since I didn't have the waxing mop that this product called for,
I just slipped my hand into the slipper and turned it upside down
on my hand and used the top portion of her slippers!
I really felt like a genius until I slipped out of my new slippers into
shoes to get the mail and upon my return, accidentally grabbed
and used my new slippers to finish the waxing job!
Guess I need to change my name from AHA to HAHA! Keep Smiling!
Source: This could ONLY come from MY MIND! ;)
By AHA! from Sterling, PA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic?
A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5.
A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 --
but that is just not good enough for her.
(or him)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and
possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each
smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the
town square.
The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone
call, since he was unable to reach either parent.
Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant
said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer."
"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a
pizza."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 228 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 995 )
Can I use Irfanview for re-sizing?
Sunday, March 21, 2010, 07:49 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Sunday, March 21, 2010
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was
'all torn up'.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba
snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun
itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it
by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly
running your other hand up the length of its body so you
can grab it behind the neck."
"Go on," the friend said.
He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit
parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every
detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the
jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by
the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as
the procedure goes."
"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.
The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a
*tiger*?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to an American illegal border crosser.
Sent in by Jackie Z
Bordercrosser with axe, guns on bike stopped by cops
By QMI Agency
Saskatoon police have arrested a man they say crossed the border
from the U.S. on a bike, carrying guns and an axe.
The man, whose name hasn't been released, crossed over into
Bromhead, Saskatchewan., according to a police statement.
He faces five customs charges and nine weapons charges,
and is set to appear in court on March 22.
Police say the man told officers he was en route to visit a friend
in Regina, and meant no harm.
http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2 ... 94331.html
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Can I use Irfanview for re-sizing?
Dear Webby,
These pics are very unusual. They are very colorful. Thanks for sharing.
You talked about infaview for viewing & some editing of photos. Are there
any other good free programs to use to edit photos. I mainly want to be
able to open & resize pictures & lighten them. I usually try to resize them
to 480H x 640W to email them & put on disk to save. I was using Microsoft
Picture It 7 but after having my pc reformatted I can't access it the way
I used too.
Thanks again for sharing your tips & humor with us.
Sharon
Dear Sharon
yes, Irfanview would do nicely for that.
There is a link to it in my Tool Box
Just above that, there is a link to GIMP.
Many people claim that the free GIMP is just as good as the
$900 Adobe Photoshop.
Personally, I use PaintShopPro, and have used it for 20 years now.
If I didn't have PaintShopPro, I would probably use GIMP, because
for what I do, it would be difficult to justify $900.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
I have been asked for more church bulletin board Ooopses.
Most of these I have printed before at various times, but here is a
batch that you can take to church today:
*Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich.
Polly Phillips will give the medication.
*If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
*We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the
grounds around the church building and the rector.
*Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"
*Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on
the table in the foyer.
*Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
*Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
*The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral.
*The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board.
*As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.
*Fifth Sinday is Lent.
*Thank you dead friends.
*Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
*Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
*Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
*For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even
to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
*Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
*Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather.
*Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
*The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...
*Volunteers are needed to spit up food.
*Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess
*We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Today's tip is too long to fit here.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go
deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with
their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to
go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old
farm house with a large spread of woods behind it.
One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if
they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said
"Yes, sure, but would you do me a favor?
The ol' bull in the corall there beside the house is on his last
legs and I know he is sufferin', would you kindly put him
down for me? I don' have the heart to."
As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he
decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he
got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and
said "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his
property!" and shot the old bull.
After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and another
one, and one of the other hunters proclaim,
"Yea, we'll show him... I got the cow and the calf, too!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
Linda went into the local bookstore and saw this big
display with a sign saying "Newly Translated from the
Original French: 37 Mating Positions."
Noticing the books were already wrapped in plain brown
paper, she just had to buy one. Once safely at home, she
opened it and found that she had just purchased a very
expensive book about chess.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 175 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 723 )
Irfanview for printing PPS pictures
Saturday, March 20, 2010, 07:18 AM
Good Morning, !
It's Saturday, March 20, 2010
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many',
and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
--- Larry Hardiman
The only people who listen to both sides of an argument
are the neighbors.
--- Socratex
A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug
manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass-
enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab
coats.
With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room
researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer."
She stopped short as the group broke out laughing.
Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw
three scientists in animated debate, flipping through the
pages of a Boston Pizza menu.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity
of a country dipping pond. Since it was fairly secluded, they
took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling
refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while
enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old
ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their
clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their
privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for
cover.
After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on,
the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered
his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied:
"I don't know about you, but in MY congregation,
it's my FACE that they would recognize."
Sea Slugs
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to a 20 year old former driver in Kelowna, BC
Sent in by Jackie Z
Smoking pot next to cop
KELOWNA, B.C. — Lesson one for new drivers - don‘t drive and
smoke pot from your bong next to a police van.
A 20-year-old Kelowna, B.C., man learned that the hard way
when a prisoner van covered with RCMP decals pulled up next
to his passenger side at a red light.
The driver reached for a glass bong, placed marijuana in the
bowl, lit it and inhaled the smoke.
“The policeman (was) right there, not more than five feet away,”
said RCMP Const. Steve Holmes. “Clearly, the driver was oblivious
to the large, white, fully marked police van.”
Holmes said the Mountie pulled the man over and smelled the
burning pot inside his car, which contained a small amount of
cannabis and displayed an N sticker to designate a new driver.
The man received a 24-hour driving suspension for operating
a vehicle under the influence and a ticket for driving without
reasonable consideration.
The car was towed away, and the Insurance Corp. of B.C.
must now determine whether he should be allowed to keep
driving, Holmes said. (Kelowna Daily Courier)
--------
BC is Canada's equivalent of California.Very Socialist, even
the mandatory car insurance (ICBC) is run by the provincial
Goverment. If they cancel his insurance, without refund, the
car stays off the road.
And just like in California, a lot of people in BC are not
really sure, if Marijuana is legal or not. The RCMP is more
interested in hard drugs, but obviously, blowing smoke at
them is not a good idea.
From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carolyn
Re: Irfanview
Dear Webby, do you know anything about downloading Irfanview? Is it worth downloading and what is
it used for? Someone told me you can print pictures from a power point picture with it. As always, I
respect your thoughts and enjoy all that you send us.
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn
Irfanview is a fairly good image viewer, and because it is free,
it is quite popular. If you don't have a real graphics program like
PaintShopPro, Corel Draw, Photoshop or GIMP, it is definitely
helpful.
You can do some basic graphic editing like resizing, cropping,
rotating, sharpening, etc., but the user interface definitely takes
some getting used to.
Like PaintShopPro, it is easy on the computer resources, and
won't bog down the machine. If you want to go a bit further than
the very basics, there are a bunch of plug-ins that you can
download and add into it.
Keep in mind, though, it is intended as a VIEWER, with occasional,
rare editing, not as a full featured graphics program.
If you just want to print some pictures from a Powerpoint presentation,
you can use Open Office. Just set the printer to for example
Landscape, sized to fit the page,
then go to the picture that you want, and hit the printer icon. Just
don't tell the kids, or your ink will be empty.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
A preacher was really hitting his stride one Sunday,
delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is
without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation.
Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats,
but no one stood.
Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher roared,
"Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?"
One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman,
rose nervously to his feet.
"So, Brother Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?"
Quietly the man replied, "No, Reverend, I'm just standing
for my wife's previous husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Eliminating Leftovers and Food Waste
It seems I am the only person in my home that will eat leftovers.
Would you throw cold hard cash in the garbage pail or down the
garbage disposal? Of course not, but allowing leftovers to go
uneaten or allowing dairy products and produce to go bad is
the equivalent of throwing money away. To demonstrate this,
try this experiment for one week:
Each time you throw a meal size serving into the garbage,
set aside $2 (the approximate cost of a Lean Cuisine meal).
In the same fashion, set aside the equivalent cash for each
container of milk, sour cream, half consumed bottles of pop,
half eaten pop tarts, bags of chips and stale or moldy sandwich
bread you dispose of. You will be appalled at the amount of
money you are throwing away! I guarantee if you do this for
several weeks you will reduce your grocery bills.
Plan on having a leftover meal a week to use up those
leftovers or freeze and take in your lunch instead of purchasing
a frozen meal. Do not purchase perishable items unless you
have a plan to use them before they expire. As potatoes or
onions near their shelf life, cut and freeze for hash browns
or to use in casseroles in the future. Place a large container
in the freezer and place tablespoons of vegetables or roast
beef into it. When the container is full, we add a can of tomato
sauce and have a deliciously rich beef vegetable soup. This is
a great way to use up leftover vegetables!
With a bit of practice you can slash your grocery bills and
stop throwing money away - literally!
By Diana from Prospect, KY
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in
Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and
open the trunk!"
The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the rental
car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back
down the hill."
So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" as he
slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the
brake pedal.
"Now, go and open the trunk!"
So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request
and goes and opens the trunk of the car.
"Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car,
"Is there any contraband in there?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked |
When Patty, was very young, she was allowed to have her
best friend, a boy named Rory, over to spend the night. As
the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew
that someday the sleepovers would have to end.
One night, when Rory and his family were visiting, everyone
gathered around the television to watch the Miss America
pageant. When Patty asked if Rory could stay over,
the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally
come to discontinue the tradition. At that moment, the
pageant host announced a contestant's measurements:
38-22-34.
"Rory," his mom asked, "what are those numbers?"
The boy thought for only a moment before responding,
"Ninety-four?" Rory got to spend the night....
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the
Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
[ view entry ]
( 240 views )
|
permalink |
print article |
( 3 / 848 )
<<First <Back | 109 | 110 | 111 | 112 | 113 | 114 | 115 | 116 | 117 | 118 | Next> Last>>
Recognize
a spoof
Web
Tools
Babelfish
Translator
HungerSite
BreastCancer
Site
Calendar
