Nozzle Rage 




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How to make icon text background transparent? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 18, 2011

Sunday it snowed most of the day, but surprisingly, the snow on
the ground did not increase. Some time you could just barely 
make out the sun behind the clouds, and that was enough to
warm some of the sidewalks and some of the streets, 
so that the snow melted and evaporated as fas as it fell.

It felt eerie, seeing snow falling, and dry sidewalks.
Didn't stop me from my walk.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win." --- Joey Adams
Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her grew quickly. The man in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously, as Jill continued trying to get the car to started again. Finally, Jill got out of her car and approached the man in the car behind her. She smiled and said to him, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk your horn for you."
Download movies, from recent releases to old classics. Full movies in DVD quality Legal and direct, not file sharing! $5 per month for unlimited downloads short term, about $1 per month for unlimited downloads long term. No installation or extra hardware Required! You do not need to be computer experienced to download and watch movies. Simply register, login, and start downloading FULL DVD movies, LEGALLY! * "Unlimited" does not refer to YOUR hard drive space! But you can fill a hard drive for mom between now and Mothers Day!

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering." "Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $2500 down, and payments of $550 for 24 months, plus payments for extras." "My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like leasing a new sports car!" "Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Florida bank robber Dye pack explodes in suspect's pocket WINTER PARK, Fla., April 13 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a dye pack exploded in a bank robbery suspect's pocket, injuring him and leading to his being detained by restaurant workers. Winter Park police said the man, whose identity was not released, used a threatening note to rob the Bank of America on Aloma Avenue about 11:20 a.m. Tuesday and fled with an undisclosed amount of cash, the Orlando Sentinel reported Wednesday. Police said the suspect was injured when the dye pack hidden in the stolen cash exploded in his pocket and he attempted to hide inside the nearby Giovanni's Italian Restaurant. However, restaurant workers chased the man out of the business and eventually caught up with and detained him until police arrived. The nature of the man's injury was not released.
From Nathan Re: Icon text background Dear Webby, On my desktop the icons and the words under them used to have an invisble background and it looked Good...But I made my own background and now the words have colors behind them. Is there a way to get the invisibilty back again? Thank you for your time!! Nathan Dear Nathan In Windows XP Open System Properties In Control Panel, choose the Advanced tab, click Settings in the Performance section. Turn on the Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop option, and click Ok. Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book. Download and use right away. Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park --the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonalds they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars--more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Lid to Measure Vanilla When using vanilla or other flavor extracts in a recipe, you can save your measuring spoon and use the lid instead. The lid on every bottle of vanilla I've used for years holds almost exactly 1 tsp. Check yours and see if I'm right! After you measure into the lid, be sure to wipe it out with a paper towel, or do as I do and just run the lid under water and shake it dry. If you put the lid back on without rinsing or cleaning it, it will stick shut the next time you try to use it. By lyonpridej from Tulsa, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver a pizza."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to r epeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said, "What?"

» Oh Oh






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Reverse phone number look-up 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 17, 2011

Friends from both sides in Libya have sent me pictures and 
videos. 

Considering that the 28 Allied countries are busy testing
their equipment and smashing the infrastructure safely far 
away from any action, the rebels are getting frustrated and
are demanding weapons and ammo and missiles.

The Government side points out that the rebels are killing
more than enough people already with weapons and ammo,
that they stole from the government, and that the Allies are
just making it worse. The death toll is getting almost as bad
as weekends in New Orleans!

About the only thing they all agree on, is that they would 
rather be somewhere outside of Libya.

What puzzles me is why are those 28 countries doing all
their weapons testing in Libya?

Yes, I know, they are too chicken to tackle Iran or 
North Korea or Venezuela or Somalia.

However, with Somalia they could get China and Russia
to help them. Then they COULD bring the piracy issue
to an end.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody, nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
A high school senior saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's calling and could she send her some information. The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a pause. Then the lady told her, "You misspelled TEACH."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply USING certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. It's not a matter of buying stuff, just use what you got in smarter combinations. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

In Kabul this morning, the Minister of the Department of National Security held a meeting of all the Karzai "doubles." "I have good news, and some bad news for you all. The good news is, our illustrious leader, Hamid Karzai, is alive!", he announced. A great cheer erupted within the room. "The bad news is that that he lost his testicles and an arm. Corrective surgery for you guys is scheduled for 10 am"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christian Brock, 21, of Dacula, GA Felon with road rage picks on deputy A Gwinnett County felon who picked on the wrong guy during a bout of alleged road rage near Loganville was ordered held without bond at his first court appearance Friday. Police told Channel 2 Action News that Christian Brock, 21, of Dacula, tried to run another driver off Georgia 20 around 11 p.m. Wednesday. It didn't end well for Brock. The other driver was Deputy Paul Frederick of the Gwinnett County Sheriff's Office, who was commuting to work in his own car. The deputy told Channel 2 Action News that the driver swerved to hit him two or three times. "I made every attempt to avoid the situation, slowing down, stopping and he still tried to run into my vehicle," Frederick said in a report by the TV station Thursday. Frederick said he called dispatch, and Gwinnett County police officers arrested Brock. When police searched his car, Frederick said they found a gun, loaded and cocked. The deputy told Channel 2 Action News that police also found Tasers, drugs and black gloves. Brock, who was charged with reckless conduct, aggressive driving, marijuana possession, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and violation of probation, appeared in court at the Gwinnett County Jail on Friday morning, and a magistrate ordered him held without bond until his preliminary hearing on April 21. Brock told Judge Phyllis Russell that he had been unemployed since November, and asked the judge for a court-appointed attorney.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wilma Re: Reverse telephone look-up Dear Webby, Do you know of any Reverse Telephone Look-Ups that are really free? The ones I find will come back saying they found the number; but if you want the name or anything they charge you...even the ones that say free aren't. wilma Dear Wilma I don't think there are any free ones, that are reliable. If somebody is harassing you, tell the cops. If they are not harassing you, harass them! Or put them on hold until after supper. Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book. Download and use right away. Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said "Chopsticks are provided only on request." "But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chop- sticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks." "True," the waiter shot back, "but we would have to hire three extra people to clean up the mess."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use The Other Side Of Swiffer Pads When I use the disposable Swiffer type cleaning cloths, I flip them over to use the clean side before tossing them in the trash. This works well with the dry dust mop cloths. It doubles the use of each cloth. The wet ones do ok, but not as well. They seem to tear and pull out of the base when flipped. By Priscilla from Lawton, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I have been using a micro-fiber dust mop for about a dozen years. Usually I just shake it out in the wind, out on the deck, sometimes I vacuum it, and now and then I toss it into the laundry with jeans. With real Micro-Fiber you have to avoid dryer sheets and if possible, the dryer alltogether. Drying it in a good wind works best to make them real dust magnets. I have seen people use those expensive Swiffers and they don't seem to work nearly as well. I will probably get another twenty years out of it, before I have to think about replacing it. The same goes for my wet mop. It actually is just a heavy string mop, also with a Micro-Fiber material. Not a round yacht mop, but a classic flat string mop like you probably rememember from your school days. Yes, I know, it is heavy, even when it is just damp, and too heavy for one handed use, unless you have industry strengthened arms, but the weight of the mop works to it's advantage and high gloss vinyl and hardwood floors come up shiny with just one pass of the dampened mop. The thought of wasting money on periodic replacements just makes me laugh. It will probably outlive me. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The battery in John's beat-up VW beetle had died because he left the lights on overnight. He was in a hurry to get to work on time so he ran into the house to get his wife to give him a push to start the car. John told her to get into her car, a prehistoric, oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push the VW fast enough to start it. John pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at a speed of at least 40 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hoped into her car and drove off. John sat there fuming, wondering what could be taking her so long. A minute passed by and then he saw her in the rearview mirror, coming at him at about 50 MPH. It was then that John realized that he should have been A LOT clearer with his directions....
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A friend of mine took her four-year-old daughter to a baptismal service at her church. Later that night, her daughter took all of her dolls into the bathtub with her and held her own "baptism." As she dunked each doll under the water, she repeated, "Now I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and hold your nose."

» Flora and Fauna






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In The Good Old Days 

The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it "in the old days."
Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.


Second Runner-Up:

In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

First Runner-Up:

In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them not like today.

And the winner:

In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:

In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.

In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.

In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly tickedoff voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.

In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.

Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of grayhaired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of grayhaired, liberal 60-year-old guys.

Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.

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Mouse occasionally very slow 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 16, 2011

Had to laugh today about some of the claims of the Libyan
rebels. They accused Gadafi of using Cluster Bombs.
Did they forget that Gadafi's planes all got trashed sitting 
on the ground, weeks ago? Anything flying and dropping
bombs belongs to the rebels or the 28 countries of the 
Anti-Gadafi Alliance.

The media spin doctors also blame the shelling from the
Allied ships on Gadafi.

Hmm, maybe I can blame the blizzard and lousy spring on
Gadafi too?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. People will pay more to be entertained than educated. --- Johnny Carson
A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Lately at a restaurant I overheard the couple at the next table discuss their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm worth at least $ 137,000."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Hot Air Ballon Flight Reflection from lake below. That is probably the best balloon picture I have ever seen! Great shot, Sandie!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Borys Wrzesnewskyj, Liberal Minister of Parliament in Toronto, Ontario King of Sleaze [youtube_com] http://snipurl.com/king-of-sleaze While distributing toys collected by firefighters, Borys consistently neglected to mention the firefighters bad made sure everybody knew who HE is, Borys Wrzesnewskyj, Liberal Minister of Parliament Most people thought that was merely tacky and typical for Ignatieff's crew, some considered it rather sleazy. I doubt that the firefighters here in the West would let him get away with that, but in Toronto he is fairly safe.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Verna from Beechy Re: Slow mouse Dear Webby, Me again with desktop issues this time.... Computer: iNET pro, Pentium 4 CPU, 2.80GHz, 448 MB of RAM, Windows XP with Microsoft (cordless) mouse and keyboard. Mouse and keyboard have become, periodically, very sluggish. Batteries checked OK. Have checked connection on receiver/ transmitter (??) and it appears OK, and is placed very close to both hardware components. At times, both work well, and all of a sudden there is a delay of response to keystrokes or mouse movement. There do not appear to be any updates to the drivers..... Suggestions??? (other than 'corded' components!) Thanks again. Verna Dear Verna How are you? We got blizzard again. I would check to see if you have a virus scan or defrag going on and taking priority. They can really drag things down. Since it does work OK at times, it is not hardware or drivers. Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

With the quality of education declining in the U.S. the IRS is considering a new simplified tax form where all you have to do is color it in.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Backs Of School Notices As Scratch Paper When the children bring notices home and I don't need them, I rip them in half and use them as scrap paper. I leave them near the phones. The ones I use are the ones that have empty back sides. By Lorraine from Venice, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ The insides of junk-mail envelopes also make handy scratch paper, and there is always a good supply of it. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his older brother explained. "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

» Virtual Body






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How to stop the computer from shutting down 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 15, 2011
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you Jurrie!

Yesterday morning we had 25 cm (10") fresh snow on top of the 
old snow and the few bare patches. The weather office claims,
they will use a new forecast for May, but not to expect a lot
of changes between now and then. Sounds like 1970's weather.

Once the snow is gone, I am going to put a ladder up the side
of the house and overhaul the office air conditioner. It will 
proably be running a LOT this summer. The 70's had cold and 
late springs and absolute scorchers for summers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!
Home is where you can say anything you like because nobody listens to you anyway --- Socratex
Ancient Burma Shave poems. Once upon a time, before the big billboards became popular, these were on simple boards along the highways all across the country. DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT Burma Shave DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING Burma Shave BROTHER SPEEDER, LET'S REHEARSE; ALL TOGETHER, GOOD MORNING NURSE Burma Shave CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND LOTS MORE STEER Burma Shave SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKES THE SPOT Burma Shave THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED HIM TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE Burma Shave AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT A BEAUTIFUL NEW CAR WASN'T IT Burma Shave NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU Burma Shave A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' Burma Shave AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY Burma Shave BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE Burma Shave THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING Burma Shave CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. Burma Shave
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new security system with alarms, codes and key pads. Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they spotted and apprehended a suspect. The police called the Security Director for the company and said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy with a cane, well dressed, but kinda slow. He tried to pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business." The Security Director said, "Oh, that's the president of the company. He can never remember his exit code."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roberta Spen, 64, Coral Springs, Florida. Instead of pulling over for police, Coral Springs woman pulls into McDonald’s drive-thru, orders lunch Police say when an officer tried to pull over Roberta Spen, 64, Monday for having faulty brake lights, she instead pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru lane and ordered lunch. The bizarre exchange happened along University Drive just south of Atlantic Boulevard at about 2 p.m., and it spawned an all-out police pursuit. Officer Courtney Vassell pulled up behind Spen in the drive-thru lane, and got out of the patrol car. With police lights flashing behind him, he told her to pull out into the parking lot for a traffic stop, according to a police report. Spen, though, completed her food order, paid the bill, and then drove her bronze 2001 Chevrolet out of the parking lot and onto Northwest Sixth Court, Vassell said. Vassell again flipped on his siren and stopped Spen outside the McDonald's, where he said she "rolled her window down one inch and said she was not speeding and she would not roll her window down." Spen also refused to hand over her driver's license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance, then drove away from Vassell, police said. Vassell got back in his patrol car, flipped on his emergency lights again, and followed Spen as she turned north onto Northwest 98th Avenue, east onto Atlantic and then north on University Drive. Several other police officers joined in the pursuit. Although the police lights did not stop Spen, a red light at University and Ramblewood Drive did, and several officers attempted to box in Spen's car. Somehow, though, Spen was able to drive in reverse out of the box and continued driving north on University, police said. Spen finally stopped at the Mobil gas station at 1351 University Drive, where officers again surrounded her car. This time, when she refused to leave the car, the officers went in and got her smashing the driver's side window and pulling her out the hard way, police said. After a quick check-up at Coral Springs Medical Center, Spen was taken to a Broward jail, arrested on charges of fleeing and eluding, resisting arrest without violence and driving with defective equipment. Police said on the arrest report that they found no indication Spen was under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of the chase, and they could find no explanation for why Spen, who before her arrest Monday had no criminal record in Florida, didn't just pull over. In bond court Tuesday Judge John "Jay" Hurley ordered her release under the condition she submit to a mental health evaluation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Mystery Shut Down Dear Webby, Glad to see you're health is returning.....you'd be missed it you got worse. I've got an odd problem with my Dell XP computer, It keeps shutting itself off, for no apparent reason. I checked the Settings but nothing indicates whyh that happens. tt's driving me up the sall, specially when I'm in the midst of something imprtant. Using an antiquated 'puter to send this to you. Any advice you can give (other tyhan tossing the beast) would be greatly appreciated. Rose Dear Rose I would vacuum out the computer and clean all the heat sinks. The shrouds over them snap off with a bit of fiddling. If it still does it after a thorough cleaning, call DELL's 1-800 support number. . On a DELL, there is some diagnostic stuff in a hidden partition. They will guide you over the phone through activating that diagnostic software and they can figure out from there, whether your CPU is overheating or whether your power supply is getting flakey. Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

With the quality of education declining in the U.S. the IRS is considering a new simplified tax form where all you have to do is color it in.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Toilet Paper Seed Strips About two weeks ago, a gardening tip on ThriftyFun talked about cutting toilet paper into strips and gluing seeds onto the strips. I found it hard to cut into strips. What I did was I rolled the paper out the length of my table. Keeping in rows along the length nine to a square then I let it dry. I rolled it up and then cut it into strips. It worked out well for me. By Laura from Ocala, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked. He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, It will probably be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Father knocked on the bathroom door where his teenage daughter had been taking a bath for over an hour. "Cindy! Just how long will you be in that bathtub?" From the other side of the door came an exasperated reply: "Oh Daddy! Water affects your weight, not your height. I'm still 5'4"!"

» 50's - 60's TV shows






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Slow? 

The other day I went to a local kitchen store to buy a utensil holder for my newly renovated kitchen.

In case you don't know, a utensil holder is a pot that sits on your counter top to hold various kitchen implements like a whisk, large spoons etc.



I found one I liked and went to the checkout. While the woman was ringing up the purchase I started reading the sticker on the side of the holder that said where the holder was made.

The cashier saw me reading the sticker and said, slowly and in a loud voice,

"You put your utensils in it and put it on the counter".


I gave her a blank stare, so she repeated her sentence in a louder voice

"This holds your kitchen tools."

I guess she thought I was a little slow.

Tomorrow I am going to return it to the store and claim it dosen't work.





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More ways to type the Euro sign 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Allied Air Assault on Libya is getting sillier by the day.
The US is still buying fuel at retail and doing aerial refueling,
because the wimpy British and French jets can't take off
with fuel AND bombs, plus the US is still doing all of the
attacks against targets, that might shoot back.

England and France are bitching and whining that some of the
members of the 28 country Alliance are not fanatic enough in
their attempts to defeat Gdafi.

Meanwhile NATO is pointing out that their mandate is not to defeat
Gadafi, but to prevent his troops from harming civilians. Since
most of the killing of civilians these days is done by British 
bombers and especially by rebel factions settling old scores, 
NATO is scaling back its enthusiasm.

Some people are wondering why England is so hysterical about
repeating the mistakes they made with Palestine. 
Creating future ammo clients there did not really work in 
their favor. 

Considering that Gadafi has been behaving like a choir boy
compared to the regimes in Iran or North Korea, why are all
the hyppocrites ganging up on him, and ignoring Iran and 
North Korea?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Imagination is the true magic carpet. --- Norman Vincent Peale The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. --- Bertrand Russell
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
Click through the picture to the large version. Gulible Warming? LMAO
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dalton Beyer, 19, of Charlestown, Indiana. Car thief asks cops for help with gas WEST FARGO, N.D. -- An Indiana man was arrested after he showed up at a North Dakota police station in a stolen car looking for help to buy gas. West Fargo Assistant Chief Mike Reitan tells The Forum that the 19-year-old man from Charlestown, Ind., showed up at the station Monday morning asking for a gas voucher. Police work with a local charity to provide such vouchers to people in emergencies. Reitan says the man told police he was trying to get to Wisconsin to attend a funeral. When the car he was driving turned out to be registered to a Dickinson convenience store, West Fargo authorities checked and discovered the vehicle had been stolen. Reitan says that put an end to the gas voucher discussion. Officers took the man to jail. Instead of gas, he got free room and board and a boyfriend.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: More ways to type the Euro Sign Dear Webby Another option; buried deeply is a library of Windows symbols Start All Programs Accessories System Tools Character Map Michael D. Dear Michael you can also click START R charmap That will get you there too or, if you are online: http://webby.com/char Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

It was the first day of school after spring break. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now," he said, "are there any questions?" One girl stood up timidly. " Please sir," she asked," May we have our rap teacher back?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Silicone Baking Sheet for Beading When stringing many beads together, use a silicone baking sheet. It's flexible and holds the beads in place. Using a large eyed stringing needle makes a perfect combination for fast beading without having the beads fall all over everywhere. By Sandra from Montvale, NJ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asks, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replies, "Yes. They begin to work after your check clears."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north." "What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer. "The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

» Air Bags






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How t type the Euro sign? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Federal Election on May 2 after the minimum required
campaign time of one month looks like a done deal. Harper is
leading with 86%. 

Talk on the street is not about election issues, since it is 
pretty well agreed, that none of the left wing challengers have
any credibility.

"Who forced this hockey season election?"
"The liars on the left."
"Make them work for a living!"
"Damn rights. Are you going to watch hockey tonight?"

The only potential upset I can envision is if nobody shows
up to vote except organized crime and organized unions.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction. --- Socratex
Thanks to Hunny for this one: In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts that are protected by password. The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and then give the password to the teller. Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "Save." I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that password so I'd have to say it every time I make a withdrawal."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip while filling up his car at the gas station. "Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?" "Well, the child was born without a penis." he replied. "Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip... and with a smile on her face, she turned to head into town to spread the news. Once she was out of earshot, he told the gas station attendant: "They are going to call her Eva."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. From a hot air balloon (shortly before the emergency landing on a street)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sara Dedek, 26 year old heroin addict in Chicago 110-pound woman hurt 2 cops at police station Apr 10, 2011 Weighing only 110 pounds and standing just 5-foot-4, Sara Dedek doesn’t look like the most dangerous inmate at the Cook County Jail, but she will definitely be locked up and guarded accordingly for the next few years. The pint-sized, pink-haired mother of two put two Chicago cops into the hospital, after she was arrested for injecting heroin in University Village, prosecutors allege. Dedek, 26, tried to hide her syringe after police officers spotted her shooting up in a parked car near 14th and Emerald Saturday morning, according to a police report. Taken to the Monroe District police station, she punched and shoved two female officers down a flight of stairs, prosecutors told Cook County Judge Donald Panarese Sunday morning. One officer suffered a broken ankle, while a second got a damaged the ligament in her left hand. Dedek, who pouted at a male friend, who was following proceedings in court on Sunday, is charged with two counts of aggravated battery to a peace officer, as well as possession of a controlled substance. Judge Panarese set her bail at $150,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim Re: How to type the Euro Sign Dear Webby How do I make the Euro currency sign ? I need it both for word processing and for the web. Thanks Kim Dear Kim In the Arial font hold down the ALT key and type 0128 and you get € On web pages you can do the same, or if you forget those numbers, just use "€" (without the quotes) Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

A woman drove a mini-van filled with a bit more than a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted past a stop sign. "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and screamed back: "What makes you think these are all mine???"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Girl's Fashion Show to Clean Out Closet Here is a fun way to get your girls ages 7 and up to clean out their closest. Hold a "Fashion" show, where they model each of their summer/winter outfits. Any outfit that does not fit, or that they no longer want can go to a charity like Goodwill or a younger family member. My mom started me on this when I was 11 and I still do it every spring and fall as a fun way to organize the clothes I want to keep and those that I need to give away. If your budget is tight, have them sell the unwanted clothes at a garage sale or consignment store. They can use the money made to buy something new to them from Goodwill or the consignment store where they sold their unwanted clothes. By McCollonough from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns. "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke, please."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law." Suitor: "No, not really. But I don't see any other way to marry your daughter."

» Channeled Scablands






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Whoops! 

While sitting at the dinner table, a little boy asked:
'Dad, where did my Intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
Cause I still have mine'
And then the fight started.


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Wow! 


I first thought this was a joke.

Here is the link to Amazon!



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Forwarded emails 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 11, 2011

There is some major unrest brewing in Poland, but so far the 
main stream media are hushing it up. Yesterday was the 
anniversary of when Poland lost their president and a large
part of their government, when the plane carrying them to
a memorial service for 20,000 Polish citizens executed in 
WWII, mysteriously crashed in Russia. 

There was some mourning yesterday, but also huge 
demonstrations by people, who are not happy with the 
pro-Russian slant of the replacement government.

http://eng.maidanua.org/node/1227/

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something. --- Henry David Thoreau
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? Can you give me a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot-ball game."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

One day a mother was explaining to her young son that you should never tell a lie. She told him that God saw everything and heard everything. She explained, "Even though your father and I may not know if you are telling a lie God will know." The young son replied, "But will He tell?"
Thanks to Christine for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Kookaburra
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Lynn Gay, 37, Orange County, Florida Florida Man Wields Guitar And Katana In Battle To The Death An Orange County, Fl man has now found himself behind bars on two counts of attempted murder as well as two counts of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Jason Lynn Gay, who was recently released from prison in August after completing a 10 year sentence, walked into the tattoo parlor of Patrick Walker, proclaiming to both him and his customer, "You guys are gonna die." A brief melee ensued, involving Gay utilizing Walker's wall mounted guitar and blunt edged ceremonial sword as weapons. However, Walker and his customer proved to be formidable opponents, smashing Gay over the head with a glass tabletop, forcing him to retreat. The literal trail of blood helped police easily track him down, where he was promptly arrested and put into Orange County Jail after a brief visit to the hospital for some facial work.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: Forwarded emails Dear Webby At the bottom is a forwarding type email. I get this 'type' of email from a young girl (13 - cousin-in-law). I don't mind them too much. They never work. I was wondering if you know what is so hot about them? They are vastly 'forwarded'. What's the appeal? take care, Doug --------- .....To find out what was inside the container you must forward this to at least 10 people... Dear Doug 13 year olds often like to behave like little smartass pranksters. Sometimes, some of them like that so much, that they never reach the relative maturity expected of a 14 year old. By the way, there is absolutely no point in writing to the senders of those pranks and telling them that they are not going to see a box, and not going to get a check from Bill Gates or anybody. Doing that would be like trying to teach a pig to sing. It hurts the ears, and it annoys the pig. Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

There's a new virus about. It is called C-Nile. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of it so be warned. It appears to mostly affect those who were born before 1960. Symptoms of C-Nile Virus: 1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice 2. Causes you to send blank e-mail 3. Causes you to send to wrong person 4. Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you 5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment 6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Girl's Fashion Show to Clean Out Closet Here is a fun way to get your girls ages 7 and up to clean out their closest. Hold a "Fashion" show, where they model each of their summer/winter outfits. Any outfit that does not fit, or that they no longer want can go to a charity like Goodwill or a younger family member. My mom started me on this when I was 11 and I still do it every spring and fall as a fun way to organize the clothes I want to keep and those that I need to give away. If your budget is tight, have them sell the unwanted clothes at a garage sale or consignment store. They can use the money made to buy something new to them from Goodwill or the consignment store where they sold their unwanted clothes. By McCollonough from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little son of a Lutheran minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled, clawed and tore at him, and got away. With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face. Finally, after barely getting her splattered after chasing her with a casserole filled with water, he disgustedly declared: "Fine, be a Casserole Baptist !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Iranians meet in California. One starts to greet the other in Farsi,the language of their native country. The other Iranian waved him away contemptuously and said, "We're in America now. Speak Spanish!"

» Doppler Effect






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How to move stuck icons? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 11, 2011

Thank you Dan!

A bunch of you asked for a picture of dad.
Well, after a couple of quick pictures of the cacti, that bloomed
yesterday morning, - you saw one of them -, he waked to the 
train station, took the train to Langen near the top of the Alps,
where it goes into the tunnel to Tirol on the eastern side of the Alps.
There he caught a bus to Lech, and from there a cable car up
a mountain. The same as in the US and Canada, the ski season
is lasting much longer this year than it did during the warm
ripple, so he had an easy time hiking from the cable car top 
station to the peak. Somebody shot this picture on that stretch.

There are lots more pictures from yesterday at http://dawna.com

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. --- Charles Wadsworth
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Bubba met with the mayor to talk about him using his good influence to help Bubba get the new construction contract. The mayor agreed. Bubba said, "To show my appreciation for all the things you've done for our town, I want to present you with a brand new Cadillac. It's loaded! It has everything! Here you go. Here are the keys." The mayor, "Now, Bubba, you know that I can't accept that!" Bubba said, "Oh, yeah, right! Gift limits and all that! Here! I'll sell it to you for half a dollar!" The mayor said, "Okay, Bubba," and gave him a 5 dollar bill. Bubba grinned as he pocketed the bill, "Oops! I don't have change!". The mayor just shrugged and said, "That's okay. I'll just take ten of those half dollar Cadillacs."
Click through the picture to the large version. April 10/2011
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Frederick Harris III, 43, of Wilmerding, PA Man jailed for 'squatting' in upscale Western Pennsylvania home A man has been jailed on charges that he took up residence in a $500,000 western Pennsylvania home without the owner’s permission. Frederick Harris III, 43, of Wilmerding, remained in the Westmorland County Prison today on burglary, criminal trespass and criminal mischief charges filed Wednesday when Murrysville police say they found him in the home. Police say Harris had toured the home with a real estate agent who refused to give him keys. Harris later broke a window, pulled up the "for sale" sign and moved in anyway. Police were alerted when a caretaker noticed someone in the house. Police Chief Thomas Seefeld tells the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that Harris’ “car was in the garage. He had personal items in the home. He basically moved in and was making a home there.”
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marifay Re: Can't move icons Dear Webby Sure hope you can help me with this problem, I can no longer click on to the icons on my desk top and move them .When I do they zip right back to where they were.For some reason they have all moved to the left side of my desk top and cant be moved. Can you help me with this? Marifay Dear Marifay Rightclick an empty spot on the desktop, select ARRANGE ICONS BY and take the checkmark off from AUTO ARRANGE Have FUN DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so he told her that she wasn't home. "Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?" The man wordlessly directed her to the bench on the porch and left her there while he continued with some yardwork. After 3 hours she got quite worried and called out for him and asked, "May I know where your wife is?" "At the cemetery," he replied. "And when is she coming?" "I don't really know," he said. Then she asked "When did she go there ?" "About eleven years ago"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flatten Ground Beef Before You Freeze I used to buy 5 lb rolls of ground beef, cut them into 5 portions, wrap and freeze them in solid hunks. But it was not conducive for quickly thawing, and if one fell out of our well-stocked freezer, it could break a toe. Now I grind my own meat and freeze it "flat" in thick freezer bags. This would still apply to the rolls too. It's much easier to stack neatly in my freezer and thaws more evenly if I need a "quick thaw". By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I asked a new temp once how she liked working for the manager of the Facilities Division. She replied, "Well, he's OK I guess. But he sure is bigoted." Somewhat taken aback, I said, "Rose that's a very serious allegation. Exactly what do you mean by 'bigoted' ?" She said, "Well, for one thing, he thinks words can only be spelled one way."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him. In almost a whisper he says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand." The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher yells with increasing loudness: "And he who will find a place in hell please STAND UP!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing. Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"

» Flavonoids, the Good Food






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Oh No! 


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Classic CRT or flat LCD monitor 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 10, 2011

Thank you Carlene!

Looks like Obamanov's gamble with the paychecks for military 
families got a lot of people's blood pressure up, and made up
their minds about how to vote next year. 
Somehow I don't think that is a "forgive and forget" case, and
it looks like a whole bunch of politicians will have to learn about
working for a living.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle, (attributed) Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. --- Cullen Hightower
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's computer. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." ------------- Every tech support person knows people like that.
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for our anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry honey, I wasn't planning on spending quite THAT much,"
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. These bloomed today.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven P. Malone in Louisville, Kentucky Slow-Speed Pursuit Suspect Unleashes Bizarre Rant On Camera LOUISVILLE, Ky. — A Louisville man is facing criminal charges after, police said, he attempted to smuggle poultry out of a grocery store by concealing it in his shorts. According to arrest records, Steven P. Malone was seen stuffing four pounds of chicken down the front of his shorts around 4 p.m. Sunday at a Valu Market on Mitscher Avenue. Police said he was walking down the aisle with his shorts falling down past his knees. According to arrest records, he was confronted by store personnel. Police said Malone smelled of alcohol. He also had two packages of M&Ms in his pockets, police said. Malone is charged with theft and public intoxication.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Classic or LCD monitor? Dear Webby I am getting my own work station, no more sharing with hubby and the kids. The computer is a three year old XP-SP2, freshly formatted, and runs circles around hubby's W7. He got a new computer, I will get a new monitor next month. I have a choice of a brand new 20" wide screen LCD or a refurb 24" classic CRT monster. Space is not a problem. What would you get? Shirley Dear Shirley I would pick the 24" classic CRT without a second of hesitation. On it, everything shows in the 4:3 ratio, that you are used to. Wide screen monitors have the bottom third sawed off, wich makes not only picture editng, but also spread sheet and word processor work rather awkward. Some people eventually get used to the sawed off monitors, but when given a chance, will always go to the standard 4:3. If space is not a problem, go with the big monster. The big CRT monitors have real high resolution, not oily look gimmicks to simulate it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

When Judy arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting at the wrong desk." "I don't understand," Judy replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure Judy that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, your appointment was actually scheduled for tomorrow."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Scouring Pad in Half When you have only one or two pans to scrub, try cutting a scouring pad in half. Not only will you save money by using only half the pad but you will be sharpening your scissors as well when you use them to cut the pad! If you have a pan that has badly burnt on food, put it back on the stove with water, add some automatic dishwasher powder, or liquid and boil the mixture and leave to sit for a few hours. The burnt on mess will literally come right off the pan with no scrubbing at all. By Michelle from Lanett, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window. She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until she catches her husband at something proportionaltely unforgivable.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Justin, 10, had been ill, requiring several doctors' visits and tests before a specialist came up with the final diagnosis and treatment. Afterwards, his mother asked him if he understood what the doctor had explained to him. "No," replied Justin, "not really." "Okay," his mother replied, "the doctor said you started with a virus..." At which point Justin interrupted to ask, "Does that mean I need a new hard drive ?"

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Ramadan in April ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 9, 2011

Thank you, Millie!

Looks like a last minute budget deal was reached in the US, 
and bankruptcy has been successfully postponed. 

The big looser is Obamanov.
All previous presidents always excempted the troops and passed
laws and measures that guaranteed pay for the troops, even if
all other federal funding is cut. 
Obamanov changed that, and instantly lost whatever respect
he still had from the troops.

That is a BIG chunk of voters! 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose. --- Socratex If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --- Harry S Truman
Thanks to Judy for this one: At the company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot, re-filled please, if the water has gone stale."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answered and Tom said, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, Canned or Dried?"
Thanks to Bill for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Across the Back Bay in Biloxi, MS
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Latasha Danielle Dellinger, 22 in Gastonia, NC 27 days in jail for stealing a glass of tea GASTONIA, N.C. — Police say a woman has been sentenced to 27 days in jail for stealing a $2 glass of tea. The Gaston Gazette reports Friday that 22-year-old Latasha Danielle Dellinger was one of two women who ordered water, then filled up their glasses with tea at a self-service drink stand in a Gastonia restaurant. The women said they didn't like the restaurant's service and then yelled out to customers that there was a bomb in the building. Police searched the building to make sure there was no actual bomb threat, and both women were arrested. Dellinger accepted a plea agreement that dropped the false bomb threat charge, for which she could have received a couple of years in jail, if she pleaded guilty to larceny. Her accomplice, Kia Tineka Sessons is expected in court April 29 on other charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Ramadan Dear Webby Wedding ring is in for repairs - Read ASAP! Another piece falls into place. In a press conference last week Obama was not wearing his wedding ring nor was he wearing his watch When noticed, his staff said his ring was out for repairs. No reason was given for the missing watch. So it's just a coincidence that Muslims are forbidden from wearing jewelry during the month of Ramadan ........ Annette Dear Annette I am no fan of Obamanov, but I think somebody is rattling your chain. Ramadan: 2010 date 11/12 August – 09/10 September 2011 date 1–29 August 2012 date 20 July-18 August http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramadan Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Suppose a new student enrolls at your school. Her name is Le - a. How would you pronounce the child's name??? Leah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE! Lay - a?? NO! Lei?? Guess Again. It's pronounced 'Ledasha,' oh yes...you read it right. The dash is not silent. This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. When asked about the pronunciation of the name, the mother replied, "the dash don't be silent." The mother, Latreena McQueesha, explained that "in Ebonics, 'Le - a' make more since, as when honkies calls her daughter Granola".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts for Dog Mattress I had to throw out the mattress to our dog's bed. So I used packing peanuts with a freshly laundered cover to replace it with. Works fine! By dlginlove from Saint Peters, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Make sure you use the smooth, satiny packing peanuts, NOT the dull or rough ones. The dull ones are designed to break down and deteriorate with moisture. While the packing disappearing is just a minor nuisance, the chemicals freed, when they do, can kill your pet. The smooth, satiny ones are safe for 25 years. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 120,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"

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Beware of Auto-Responders 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 8, 2011
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, John!

We had another blizzard all morning, but according to the 
forecast, that is supposed to be the end of the snowfalls for a while.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again. --- Socratex
A pair of seantors met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but I'm a senator, so you've got to hear me out !"
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

In Mike's work for a cable-television company, he often encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the TV was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As Mike approached the TV, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Santa barbara Fig Tree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Randall Travis Roberts, 20, of Davenport, FL Stole a doughnut truck OCALA, Fla. -- A man accused of stealing a doughnut truck because he was tired of walking is being held in the Marion County jail on charges of grand theft auto and marijuana possession. When officers arrived at the scene of a minor traffic accident involving the doughnut truck and another vehicle on March 31, Randall Travis Roberts allegedly admitted he stole the 2011 GMC from a spot behind a Walmart Jail records show 20-year-old Randall Travis Roberts of Davenport was arrested Thursday. He's being held on $10,500 bond. His next court date is scheduled for May 3. Ocala police say Roberts stole a truck filled with 388 boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. He told officers he was tired of walking and wanted to sleep. Police also found 10 grams of marijuana in a plastic bag in the car, but Roberts said the drugs didn't belong to him. It is not known if he consumed any of the doughnuts.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Responders Dear Webby I am taking a business course and the instructor told us that we need an auto-responder for times, when we can't answer the mail immediately. I seem to remember, though, that you were quite adamantly against those. Is that still the case? Ann Dear Ann Yes, definitely! Intelligent responders, that deliver requested data, are OK. However, dumb nuisance responders telling you that somebody is not in the office and will respond some other time, are an unsolicited annoyance, and in many cases result in getting black-listed. After all, who wants to deal with a moron, who pesters you with stupid auto-responders? There are enough good businesses out there, who are more considerate than that. You can tell the old fossil that auto-respondrs went out of fashion in the early 90's, when email became reliable. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spanish Moss in Lattice Shades Porch This idea will be best where the snow does not blow. I live in Key West, FL. The hot sun just keeps on shining on my lattice laced porch. In order to keep my windows open, and block the heat, I needed a privacy shade. I bought some Spanish moss, and stuck in the the lattice holes. The moss is like an air plant. No soil needed, and with a water spray a day they flourish. Source: Selena H. By Cindy from Key West, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a long kiss, and gave her another hug and an even longer kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600." Bill sighs, "Telling your wife."

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Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder 



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How to stop nuisance attachments 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, April 7, 2011

Obama's $35,800-per-person fund raising dinner in San Francisco, 
planned as part of the President's April 20 visit to the Bay Area,
is obviously not aimed at regular Democrat voters, but at members
of the left wing media, who don't worry about how much it costs
their employer.

Don't expect to see me there!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." --- Saint Francis of Assisi
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey, if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door", she said, as she was playfully twirling her marble rolling pin.
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

The temperature had taken an overnight plunge, and Minnesota reaffirmed its reputation as one of the nation's coldest states. Despite a wind-chill of minus 40, the steelworkers erecting a TV tower in a Minneapolis-St. Paul suburb showed up for work. By 9 a.m., a tall Texan climbed down from the tower and entered the construction trailer. He took his lunch pail from the shelf and headed for the door. "What's up?" the foreman asked. "You sick?" "Nope," the Texan replied. "Goin' home to get my jacket." "Where's home?" the foreman persisted. "Dallas," he said.
Thanks to Christine for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Esther Armbrister, 20, of Miami, FL Thief hid loot under her wig Esther Armbrister (Broward Sheriff's Office / April 5, 2011) Hollywood, FL police say one theft suspect really used her noggin — but not in a good way. Officers stopped Esther Armbrister, 20, of Miami, on Monday afternoon outside the Westin Diplomat Hotel on Hollywood beach after a man who had been staying there accused her of stealing more than $1,600 in cash from his shorts pocket. In denying the theft accusation, Armbrister turned out her pants pockets and also showed an officer she wasn't hiding anything in her bra, police said. An officer did, however, find something peculiar about Armbrister's glued-on wig and upon removing it discovered 15 $100 bills and six $20 bills that had been hidden underneath, police said. Officers arrested Armbrister, and she later confessed to the crime, according to a police report of the incident. Armbrister remained in a Broward jail Tuesday night, without bond, on charges of grand theft and resisting an officer without violence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harriet Re: Too many attachments Dear Webby I made the mistake of showing a certain relative how to send attachments along with email. I tried stopping that by limiting the file sizes of mail to accept, but that just bungs up my mailbox on the server. I do want the letters she writes, but not an hours worth of music. Is there a way to separate that before it is downloaded? Harriet Dear Harriet Just use MailWasher to preview and read the mail on the server, without downloading it. You can send a fresh email to her, referring to the one with the big attachments, and just mark that one as to be deleted without downloading it. If you can't find any other way to stop that relative from attaching big stuff, mark it for BOUNCE. That way the sender will get an idea of what it feels like to have to wait an hour for some silly attachment to download, before she can get the mail that she is waiting for. Dear Harriet Just use MailWasher to preview and read the letter, copy the text into a new mail, and then mark that mail to be deleted. If you can't find any other way to stop that relative from attaching big stuff, mark it for BOUNCE. That way the sender will get an idea of what it feels like to have to wait an hour for some silly attachment to download, before she can get the mail that she is waiting for. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Walking downtown one day, I noticed that a music store had just opened. Inside the shop, my attention was caught by a huge oriental gong, and I went up to take a closer look. The gong was four feet in diameter. On a rope next to it hung a two-foot-long mallet with a top the size of a soft- ball. A piece of notebook paper bearing one word in large letters was taped to the center of the gong. The word was "NO!" ---------------- That reminds me.... During my University days we had two types of students, "Commuter" and "Party-Town". I was a "Commuter", mainly because I had a 5PM to 1AM night job across the nearby border, and only lived 10 miles from the University. "Party-Towners" were the residents of the dorms, frat and sorry houses within walking distance of the University. Since Party-Town was half way between my job and home, and since my bike was a fast but rather chilly ride, I usually stopped at a sorry-house to warm up. (Sorry-House is a sorority house, female version of a frat-house, where you are always greeted with either: "Sorry it's such a mess." or with "Sorry, not tonight, I have a headache.") On one of those warm-up stops a girl I knew from one of my seminars, invited me up to her room to show me her "Multilingual Talking Clock". Yes, you guessed it, it was one of those huge brass gongs. When she grabbed the mallet, I grabbed a couple of pillows. One for each ear. In that tiny, stone-walled room the noise was still awesome. A minute later voices from all over the sorry-house drifted in, all yelling in various different languages something like: "Kock it off, you airhead! It's 1:45 in the morning!" What made it really funny was a few hours later, when we were woken up, ahem, I mean interrupted in our dilligent studying, by a similar gong echoing through the building. Maria twisted my wrist to see my watch, and then screamed: "Knock it off you airhead! It's 4:50 in the morning!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Same as yesterday: Making a Cover for an Outdoor Grill With warm weather coming and lots of BBQ's, I found a old vinyl table cloth that no longer matches my color schemes. I folded it in half lengthwise, turned inside out, and stitched up both ends. Turn it back so the pretty side shows. Now I have a pretty BBQ grill cover and it's so much prettier than the ones you buy and a whole lot cheaper. Also, it's so quick and easy to make. If you don't sew, you could glue the sides with a vinyl glue. Happy grilling. By dwedenoja from New Creek, WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a few seconds and then tried to get back to sleep. A few minutes later she said, Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to nibble and bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed. Where are you going?" she asked. "To gep my peeth"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the left." After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car - you or your mother?"

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Sideways display 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A heart doesn't heal as fast as some other muscles, but walking is 
definitely becoming easier. With a stronger heart pumping 
the blood more effectively, the painful swelling of the feet
has been reduced in almost measurable steps every day.

I still duck-tape the heels to help the cracks heal, but 
without excessive internal pressure in the feet, the feet
are getting to be quite comfortable for walking.

If your feet are not comfortable, that could be an indication
of trouble ad probably should be checked out!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. -- Abraham Lincoln
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. Dad works twelve hours a day so that I got a nice house and lotsa food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "I saw some suitcases. I think they are trying to escape!"
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

A Florida officer pulls over old Mrs. Fisher because her hand signals were confusing. "Mirs Fisher," he said, "I know that your turn signal has been stuck on right-turn since you bought that car six years ago, but now your hand signals are getting a bit too confusing for us mere mortals to understand. First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" ----------- In California the excuse would have been, that she, or he, was drying her or his finger nails.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terrance Banks, 41, Detroit Cab robber locked into cab DETROIT -- Authorities say a Detroit cab driver who was shot during a robbery attempt locked the suspect in his vehicle, then flagged down police. Forty-one-year-old Terrance Banks was arraigned Saturday on charges including assault with intent to murder, armed robbery and firearms violations. The ex-convict is due back in Detroit District Court on April 12. A judge set Banks' bond at $200,000, and it's unknown if he has a lawyer. Police say the 44-year-old cab driver picked up Banks on Wednesday. They say Banks shot the driver with a rifle and demanded money. The Detroit Free Press says the driver locked Banks in the back seat and flagged down a police car. Police say the driver was taken to a hospital for treatment of his wounds.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re: Laptop rotated screen display Dear Webby I accidentally dropped a phone book onto my laptop keyboard, and the screen display rotated 90 degrees. Rebooting did not help. When I log on with Kim's user name, everything is normal, but as soon as I switch to my user name, the stuff on the screen is turned sideways. Help! Len Hi Len Open Control Panel Display Settings Advanced, navigate through the tabs to find the rotate display option. Depending on the brand of laptop you got, it is in the tabs in there somewhere. Have a look at Len's site! Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Cover for an Outdoor Grill With warm weather coming and lots of BBQ's, I found a old vinyl table cloth that no longer matches my color schemes. I folded it in half lengthwise, turned inside out, and stitched up both ends. Turn it back so the pretty side shows. Now I have a pretty BBQ grill cover and it's so much prettier than the ones you buy and a whole lot cheaper. Also, it's so quick and easy to make. If you don't sew, you could glue the sides with a vinyl glue. Happy grilling. By dwedenoja from New Creek, WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In one job my boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about that policy ever again.

» Mid East History 5000 years in 90 seconds






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Display turned sideways 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Today I got a very nice "donation" via PayPal. Briefly I was
quite elated and envisioned putting a nice little dent into the 
phone bill.

Then the next letter explained....
A friend and customer is currently in Egypt, where the 
government seems to be still messing around with trying to 
control the Internet. PayPal of course objects to anybody 
messing around and didn't let him use PayPal in a less than
secure method to pay for his web hosting bill. 

So Chuck emailed a friend in the US and asked him to click
me some money. Instead of going to the online invoice, that
friend clicked me a donation and had me grinning like a fool
for a minute.

I am still happy about a paid invoice, but somehow it is not
the same as a surprise donation.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. --- Publilius Syrus (~100 BC) Education is what survives, when what has been learned, has been forgotten. --- B. F. Skinner
The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Tyson," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she muttered under her breath, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Tyson corrected. "It means the car won't start."
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Thanks to Martin for these pictures: Click through the picture to the large version. Click through the picture to the large version. Tree'd Lion
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kisten Anise Hall, 24, in Memphis, Tessessee Woman arrested after assaulting cops rather than clean up her dog's mess MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) - A Memphis woman who was adamant about not cleaning up after her dog in a park has been charged with assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. It all started on Thursday when officers saw 24-year-old Kristen Anise Hall's pit bull defecate in a city park at Spottswood and Prescott, and then watched Hall walk on. When police told her she needed to clean up the mess, she refused and said she walked her dog there often and never scooped up after it. When an officer attempted to issue her a citation, police say Hall kicked and bit the officer's hand, apparently trying to incite her pit bull to "defend" her and attack the cop. However, the dog was smart enough and did not have to be shot. Hall was charged with disorderly conduct, assault and resisting arrest.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re: Laptop rotated screen display Dear Webby I accidentally dropped a phone book onto my laptop keyboard, and the screen display rotated 90 degrees. Rebooting did not help. When I log on with Kim's user name, everything is normal, but as soon as I switch to my user name, the stuff on the screen is turned sideways. Help! Len Hi Len Open Control Panel Display Settings Advanced, navigate through the tabs to find the rotate display option. Depending on the brand of laptop you got, it is in the trabs in tehre somewhere. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Pat Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Wire Hangers Into Scarf Hangers Scarves are all the rage now and I wear them almost daily. I have always had a scarf collection, but with the fashion, I like to keep them handy. I hang them on wire clothes hangers that I have bent to form an "O" shape. I hang my scarves on them and then hang the wire scarf hangers on the wall. It makes them much easier to locate. By pamphyila from CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! All that beer, and only such a small boat for a urinal !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at.

» Beautiful Fountains






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Don't Get Caught! 


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Email address to identify a subscription 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, April 4, 2011

We hd  beautiful, sunny Sunday, and some of the snow
actually melted. Some of the drifts in my yard are definitely 
losing height, but in front of the garage, it still looks grim.
Hopefully tomorrow some of that will melt, or at least soften up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. --- Socratex Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. --- Suzanne Necker Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer
Selma and Irving receive a wedding invitation in the mail. Since it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding. All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?" Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply couldn't remember. Finally, she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance. "This is a very smart dog," the man commented. "Not THAT smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Young Red Shoulder Hawk
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Don Carr, 29 in Boca Raton, Florida Test Drives turned into rip-offs A 29-year-old Boca Raton man was arrested Tuesday night by two police departments after police say a test drive turned into a joy ride, twice. Don Carr, already on probation for grand theft, was charged with grand theft and larceny. Police say on Monday Don Carr was at Carmax, on High Ridge Road in Boynton Beach, looking into a 2011 Silver two-door Cadillac CTS. Carr went for a test drive with a salesperson. The salesperson was required to drive the car out of the security gates and then could change seats with the customer. Once the two left the car to switch seats, Carr jumped in and took off before the salesperson could get in, a Boynton Beach police report says. Carr sped off heading north on High Ridge Road but was able to be located by the On Star system. The next afternoon, around the same time, Carr told a salesperson with Mercedes Benz of Delray Beach that he was interested in a 2007 Mercedes Benz E350. The salesperson showed Carr a white Mercedes being worked on and Carr said he wanted to test drive it, a Delray Beach police report says. Carr, accompanied by a woman, and the salesperson drove around the parking lot and then Carr turned off the car. After the salesperson got out, he continued to speak with Carr and the woman through the open passenger door, the report says. Carr then pushed the button for the Keyless Go system, fled out of the parking lot and sped toward Wallace Road. The salesperson tried driving after him in a golf cart but lost sight of him. A few hours later, another employee of the dealership was driving near Interstate 95 and Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard and found the white Mercedes parked on the side of the exit ramp, the report says.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Address for McAfee account Hi Webby, glad you are feeling better.I have a question for you.Do you need a email address on both computers to get McAfee on both?My laptop does not have a email address only internet.Also what do you think about AVG. for protection? Jan Dear Jan An email address is not tied to any certain machine. You can check your email from a cyber-cafe or via a friend's computer. McAfee just asks what email address you used last time to register or update. They could just as easily ask for your phone number or user name. Your email address seems to be the easiest to remember.. Just look up what address you used last time, or which one you are using to register now, and file that somewhere, or write it on the back of your monitor. Then, whenever you are updating one of your subscriptions, look it up and type it in. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Paper Plates for Packing Plates I am getting ready to move and packing up my dishes. I have packed my plates between paper plates that I got from the dollar store. They take up less room than newspaper. When I get to my new place, I can just put the plates in the cupboard without washing them once again, and the paper plates are used over again for lunch time. By Sandy from Nova Scotia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Shortly after returning home from a trip to Sea World in Florida, a friend went shopping for swimsuits with her children. When she emerged from the dressing room in a contrasting black-and-white suit, her four-year-old daughter exclaimed her approval: "Oh, Mommy, I love it! You look just like Shamu, the fat whale!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my pee-mail."

» Animal Tracks






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Firefox for posting 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, April 3, 2011

We got 40 cm (16 inches) of snow. Mother nature really 
seems to want to rub it in, that there is NO Gullible warming.
OK, OK, I never believed that BS anyway, so can we have 
some bikini weather now? Please?

I did walk downtown and back. Didn't see any other walkers.
Apparently everybody else was too disgusted and parked
on their couches instead.

Naturally, the sidewalks had not been cleared, but the roads
were nicely packed and often the wet snow turned to mush
or melted with generous applications of salt. Since there was
hardly any traffic, I walked on the road. What little bit of 
traffic I saw, was slow and politely gave me a good margin.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong, just like Popeye. Then you can get a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl. --- Socratex
The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to Paul was free, his male ego soared. Soon they were chatting pleasantly, and she told him it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my granddad."
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

For a holiday, Patty Murphy from Dublin decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "We're saved!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Sure," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
Thanks to Christine for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Grevillias
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charlene Johnson, Okeechobee, Florida Traffic stop reveals drunk woman driving naked INDIANTOWN — Deputies anticipated a detailed traffic stop investigation when they pulled over a driver and smelled both alcohol and marijuana in her car. But before they could proceed, they had to ask the driver put her clothes on.One deputy said he noticed Charlene Johnson drifting in and out of her lane as she traveled west on Warfield. When Johnson pulled over at the corner of Southwest Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard and the deputy saw she was naked, he called a female deputy to assist, according to the arrest affidavit. From the neck up, deputies said they could see Johnson's hazel-colored eyes were bloodshot and brimming with tears. They later determined the bloodshot eyes likely had to do with her blood-alcohol content test results, which were .182 and .169, both at least twice that of the state's .08 legal limit. Johnson told them she was crying because of an argument she had with her boyfriend in West Palm Beach. But from the neck down, Johnson had no explanation as to why she was driving nude. It's not known whether Johnson started her trip in the buff. Deputies said she had a shirt and a pair of shorts on the driver's side floor. However, she struggled to find the clothes and to put them on after deputies said they instructed her to do so. Johnson stepped out of the car with clothes on but with her balance off. Three times, the deputies had to catch the 5-foot-10, 140-pound motorist. Inside her Ford, they found 46.5 grams of marijuana and several prescription pills, according to the affidavit. Johnson was charged with possession of marijuana over 20 grams and drug paraphernalia and driving under the influence. She posted $11,500 bail Wednesday at the Martin County Jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Firefox for posting Dear Webby Thanks for the quick response to my question. I have another question. Its about Firefox, A friend of mine said to use that and that would solve my problem with my postings, is he passing bad information to me or is he on the mark. thanks again for any assistance to my query.... Get well soon but dont rush it... Randall Dear Randall FireFox is indeed the modern standard. I have not used any other browser for years, and have not had any problem with FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Recently Dave wandered off in search of the men's room in a restaurant and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing toward the doors, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are our private dining rooms."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Paper Plates for Packing Plates I am getting ready to move and packing up my dishes. I have packed my plates between paper plates that I got from the dollar store. They take up less room than newspaper. When I get to my new place, I can just put the plates in the cupboard without washing them once again, and the paper plates are used over again for lunch time. By Sandy from Nova Scotia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
What's a million years like Little Johnny asked God "What's a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny couldn't understand eternity God said "A million years is like a minute to me." Johnny: Wow! What's a million dollars like? God: A million dollars is like a penny to me. Johnny: Gee God you're so generous. Can I have one of your pennies? God: Sure Johnny, just hang on a minute till I find something that small.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too"

» Pictures in the clouds






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Audio Sockets on laptops 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, April 2, 2011

Thank you, Richard!


Don't worry about Windows L
That was the 2011 April Fools Joke.

If you DO need a Windows LOOK on Linux, that is no problem.
You don't have to wait for Windows L.

The instructions to set that up are here: Ubuntu with W7 Skin
It is quite popular, when people need Linux performance and 
reliability, but need to make it appear, as if they were 
running Windows 7. It is also a favorite with IT and Security
staff. To the casual observer, it looks as if they were running W7,
but of course all Windows viruses and malware fly right by
and don't stop at their machines at all.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Man who sink in woman's arms, soon have arms in woman's sink. --- Confucius Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them until they're in their 40s. --- Socratex
The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?" The new member replied, "Yes, sure. How about my mother-in-law?"
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

Thanks to Rose for this: Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit. My seven-year-old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 183." My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Homen, 23 in Middleton, Mass Robber tripped by artificial leg MIDDLETON, Mass. (AP) -- A Massachusetts man who used his prosthetic leg to take down a robber says he didn't have time to think, he just reacted. Stephen Cornell peered through the window of his neighborhood convenience store in Middleton on Wednesday and saw a man pointing a gun at the owner. He tells The Salem News he intended to tackle the robber when he left JC Grill & Pizza, but instead stuck out his artificial leg and tripped him first. Cornell and owner Edson Andrade disarmed the thief and dragged him back into the store in a chokehold and sat on him until police arrived. The weapon was a pellet gun. The suspect, 23-year-old Eric Homen, pleaded not guilty to charges including armed robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Speaker connectors Dear Webby On my old laptop I plug the pink microphone plug into the socket on the side, that has a red ring, and the cable going to the house stereo goes into the socket with the green ring. On the new laptop, when I plug things in the same way, the microphone works, but the speakers don't, except for the system error beeps. Since those work, I know the stereo works. Some music is coming through occasionally on the built in little squeakers, but never on the external speakers. Why is no other sound working right? Erin Dear Erin That seems like a typical W7 laptop. Look for the third audio socket, with a blue or black marking. Traditionally, that would be an input line, but with W7 that line can be assigned for other things, like external speakers. Move your stereo plug over from the green socket to the blue or black one, and most likely you will get pretty good sound on your stereo speakers. I have been told that true W7 fanatics can accomplish the same by mousing around and cussing for an hour or two, but that the results are no different than moving the speaker line to the "illegal" blue socket. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced at the trade fair. "Listen to these features: it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all..." "Very impressive," interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, "but before I place an order I'll have to try it out." "Be my guest," said the manufacturer graciously. No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth: "One at a time, please, one at a time!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Perfume Pages for Sachet My daughter has tons of fashion magazines with those glossy high-end perfume samples. Besides their obvious use, a quick, one-use product try, she found that saving them in baggies until ready to give them a whirl helps them last indefinitely. I like to put them in dresser drawers and the drawers, shelves and under bed storage boxes my bed linens and comforters are in. They're also great for keeping that mustiness away from out-of-season clothing bins and in holiday decoration storage containers. By Candy from Hollywood, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A sarcastic voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Arthur, "How come you aren't married?" Arthur: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Arthur: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Arthur: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy."

» April Showers






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Confusion over McAfee discounts 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, April 1, 2011
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Microsoft announced today that there will be no W7-SP1 or SP2,
just like there were no SP's for VISTA,  since nobody, except certain 
sales people, really like Windows 7.

Instead Microsoft will be working on Windows L, a Linux clone.
The prototype shown to the press seems to be relying heavily on 
MacBuntu, a Mac look-alike skin popular with Linux fans pretending
to conform in Mac-Only businesses, and the result actually looks 
more like Mac OS X than Windows 7 or Vista. However, that may 
change by the time the BETA version is released in April 2012. 
It definitey is much faster than Windows 7.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. --- Kin Hubbard Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it. --- Benjamin Disraeli
After making a silly mistake, an instructor tried to excuse his absentmindedness by telling the class of his plans to propose marriage to his girlfriend later that day. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

When my neighbor's 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. His mother was not so pleased. She turned to her mother and said, "I'm surprised! Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Her mother just grinned and then replied, "Oh, I remember ...."
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Zingo, 48, in Milville, Delaware Liquor Thief Found Passed Out On Street A man found unconscious on an street is charged with breaking into a liquor store and stealing bottles of alcohol. Forty-eight-year-old Charles Zingo of Millville is charged with burglary and theft, according to Delaware State Police. He is being held on $6,300 cash bond. Troopers say surveillance footage shows Zingo throwing a rock and breaking a large window at Banks Wine and Spirits in Millville, then reaching in and taking liquor bottles. Authorities say Zingo was found unconscious on the street by OceanView police and arrested. Officers say he had a duffle bag with liquor bottles in it.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kate Re: McAfee discounts Dear Webby I have eyed your links to McAfee discounts, but I am a bit wary. Last time I renewed McAfee, it cost me almost $100. Also, I have a hunch, that I have more subscriptions than I need. It's a pretty big company. Can you trust them? Kate Dear Kate Yes, you CAN trust them. For the slickest possible update of your subscription, close all programs except one browser. Yes, definitely close all email related prorams. Then click on the McAfee link in the left side margin. That will get you a $40 - $50 discount right there. Sign in with the email address and password you used last time. Now you will notice a pleasant surprise: 1 - 3 machines! Even with the $40 - $50 discount, your subscription is good for up to three machines. You don't have to get a separate subscription for your laptop! Check if you have any old, unused subscriptions still in your account. Use those up first, before paying for new ones. Once you got that clarified, let it do the installation. It will carefully clean out any old versions and then install the newest one. On XP that goes nice and fast. On W7 just ignore it. It will take time, but usually you don't have to hit any keys to continue. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion, then she gives him his opinion.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Perfume Pages for Sachet My daughter has tons of fashion magazines with those glossy high-end perfume samples. Besides their obvious use, a quick, one-use product try, she found that saving them in baggies until ready to give them a whirl helps them last indefinitely. I like to put them in dresser drawers and the drawers, shelves and under bed storage boxes my bed linens and comforters are in. They're also great for keeping that mustiness away from out-of-season clothing bins and in holiday decoration storage containers. By Candy from Hollywood, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are only 1/100th of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "That would be about four slices of roast beef in the deli where I worked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After ten years of twice weekly therapy, Mia decided to ask her psychiatrist if she had made any progress. His answer, though very brief and succinct, absolutely devastated her. He said:"'No hablo ingles."

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Winter Blows 


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Privacy Concerns 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 31, 2011

There are times when quitting smoking is a lot tougher than at
other times. Tonight seems to be one of the tougher times.
So far I am only chewing pencils, pens, screwdrivers, etc.
and wondering if this is how it feels, when one is going nuts.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." --- Abraham Lincoln
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an announcement on the web site were the reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store till everybody goes home!"
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, an RCMP officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly nuns -- two in the front seat and three in the back - all except for the driver wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the nun says quite proudly. The RCMP officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the Higway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off that awful gravel road, with the 149 signs." There was some crackling in the officer's radio, then the dispatcher's voice came through: Whatever you do, do NOT let those nuns get onto the 401 !"
Thanks to betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevon Whitfield, 19, in Clifton, Ohio Pizza Robbers leave phone of the hook Police are saying that a phone left off the hook led to a local pizza parlor employee overhearing a plan to rob a delivery driver. Police say that someone called Topper's Pizza in Clifton early Monday morning and placed a large order. The customer apparently forgot to hang up the phone, and the employee who took the order stayed on the line heard a plan to rob the delivery driver for the order. The worker called 911, and an undercover police officer replaced the normal delivery driver. When the undercover officer delivered the pizzas, the suspects took the pizza and ran. 19-year-old Kevon Whitfield and a 14-year-old juvenile were arrested in the 900 block of Mound Street, and both are now charged with robbery. Police say other suspects were arrested in a West End apartment building, but aren't specifying how many were arrested or on what charges..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Privacy Dear Webby Glad to hear you are on the road to recovery. I will keep you in my prayers for a complete recovery. My question to you this morning is: Is there a way to block your activity on the internet from being posted on the internet? No i am not a freak or crook, i parted ways with a friend of mine who i thought was a friend,and now i posted something on a website that i am sure she is not a member of and she pasted it on facebook ( i canceled my facebook account months ago,and some family members in another state said that they had seen this person post my family business on facebook. I did a search of my name this morning and was shocked at what came up in the search!!!! or now do I have to worry about what I post on any website in the future? Thanks for any assistance you come up with..... Randall Dear Randall Yes, some people can be quite a nuisance. Whatever you PUBLISH, is public knowledge, and anybody may repeat it elsewhere. Copyright restrictions apply only to art, not to gossip. If you want to provide access to data to just a select few people, you can password the location. However, if you let somebody else take care of the passwording, like for example Yahoo, and that company lets anybody join, then there is no point in the passwording and you are just wasting time. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cake Decorating Tool Holder While learning how to decorate cakes online, I thought of a way of organizing some of my supplies. I used two silverware baskets that were saved from several old dishwashers. My husband found one basket inside an old dishwasher sitting next to a dumpster in the apartment complex. And other one was from a broken down dishwasher in my apartment which was replaced with a new one. The second basket is used for my decorating tubes and I use a piece of wax paper underneath to catch the drips. Now I don't have to spend any money to buy a cake decorating bag holder. By MCW from Lewiston, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Dr Bubba Trailerjack, who bought his degree from Menthol State Unifercity, summed it up quite succinctly: "You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? " Tech Support: "It's actually fairly easy if you had the IQ upgraded lately. Have you had that done?" Customer: "No, I don't think so. I'm always one of the last to get the new stuff." Tech Support: "OK, then go tell your manager that I said you qualify for an IQ upgrade."

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Inatieff 
My dog's view of the Liberal Leader of Canada



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Keyboard for laptop 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I was amazed at all the letters I got telling me to slow down, 
and that two and a half miles are way too much this early 
after a heart operation. OK, OK, I'll slow down.
I scaled today's walk back to two miles, and got the same
planned for tomorrow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. --- Aesop
A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where have you been?" asks his wife. "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and even a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife. She calls the Golden Bar. "Do you have golden chairs?" "Yes." "Do you have golden glasses?" "Yes." "Do you have golden beer?" "Yes." "Do you have a golden urinal?" "Hold on." On the other end, she hears "Hey Bob! I think we have a line on the guy who messed up your tuba!"
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I like them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. St Stephen's Dome in Vienna
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a speeder in Saguenay, Quebec 3600 + Speeding ticket A driver in Saguenay, Que. is facing more than $3,600 in fines after being caught driving more than 140 kilometres an hour over the speed limit. Police caught the 23-year-old late Wednesday night driving 233 km/h in a 90 km/h zone in a Dodge SX 2.0. Police had set up a speed trap in the Laterričre neighbourhood after residents complained about street racing on nearby roads. The man was fined $2,137 for speeding, $274 for having worn out tires, and another $1,267 for endangering the life of his passenger. He received 40 demerit points, and could also lose his licence for the next two years. The driver was caught on Talbot Boulevard in the Laterričre neighbourhood in the south end of Saguenay. He was not under the influence of alcohol.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Keyboard Dear Webby I am going to follow your advice and get a proper keyboard for my laptop. Typing on the built n keyboard ruins my wrists, plusit is too slow for my patience. Which or what keyboard do you recommend? Renee Dear Renee I buy DELL 18" wide keyboards, plain, no frills. They just barely fit into my 18" wide case, are reasonaly quiet, and last a fairly long time, before I wear the letters off the keys. Installation is simple. I pry the CAPS LOCK key off, so that I can epoxy it onto the coin-op copyer at Walmart, plug the keyboard in and start working. No fuss, no installation CD. Just plug it in and it works. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

Consider this dialogue between a museum guard and a group of tourists gaping at dinosaur bones in a natural history museum. "Can you tell us how old the dinosaur bones are?" one asks. "They are 3 million, four years and six months old," the guard says authoritatively. "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so definitely?" "Well, the bones were 3 million years old when I started working here, and that was 4 1/2 years ago."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Write Expiration Dates On Your Calendar When you sign up for a special telephone or cable deal, it can be difficult to remember when your deal is about to run out before you get stuck with a much larger bill. In order to avoid this, try putting a sticky note reminder on your calendar the month before the deal is set to expire. This way you have time to decide whether or not you will keep it and pay the higher premium or call to change to a lower priced service option. By Marie from West Dundee http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An art collector was on a stroll through the city. In the doorway of a deli he noticed a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer and did a double take. The saucer was extremely old and very valuable. The collector walked casually into the store and offered to buy the cat for $2. "I'm sorry," said the owner, "but the cat isn't for sale." The collector pleaded. "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you $50 for that cat." "Sold," said the owner, and he handed over the cat. The art collector paused. "For the 50 bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." "Sorry buddy," said the owner, "but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold 68 stray cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During her stay at an expensive hotel in Sue woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. She called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When she looked at the charge slip, she was instantly furious. Sue calledroom service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel,but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end cooly explained........."Ma'am, I believe you are complaining about your room number."

» Fascinating Fotos






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Digital pictures of low quality 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Thanks L. Byron!


I managed two and a half miles today. Towards the end of it, 
I had to slow down and was wishing, that I had taken the 
Nitroglycerin along, but I made it without having to stop and 
lean on the scenery. 

The swelling on the feet has gone down, and thanks to the 
miracle power of Duck Tape, most of the heel cracks have 
healed. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand. --- Leonardo da Vinci
Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: Good methane source. Some specimens are able to produce large quantities especially at inappropriate times. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
End Panic Attacks and General Anxiety in minutes, without drugs. This is serious stuff and it really works! Legitimate enough, so that you can use PayPal! If you have ANY kind of anxiety, get PanicAway!

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
Thanks to Christine for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Lorikeets
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick Williams of Adams County, Miss. Man fleeing police falls through apt. ceiling naked HATTIESBURG, Miss. - It was a normal Tuesday morning until a man in his birthday suit crashed through the ceiling of an unsuspecting woman. A man was running from police when he crashed through a woman's ceiling. He was completely nude. "Well I was asleep in my bed and hear this loud crashing noise," Foxgate resident Kaliegh Townsend said. Startled by the noise, Townsend got out of bed to investigate. She received a rude awakening. "He was naked," Townsend said. "There's this guy standing in the middle of my living room, and there's a big gaping hole in my ceiling." Townsend screamed for the man to leave, but the man wanted to borrow a pair of shorts. Townsend kept telling him to leave, and he bolted out the front door. "Then, he gets halfway out the door and runs back in screaming at me just to borrow a pair of shorts." Townsend said. "So, finally I get him to leave, and he grabs my jacket and steals it. He wraps it around him and runs out the door." According to Townsend, the man was staying in a nearby apartment. The man crawled into the attic, busted through the fire wall and fell into their apartment. Lamar County officals say the intruder's name is Patrick Williams of Adams County. He was convicted in 2007 for possession of cocaine, and in 2010, a warrant was issued for his arrest because of failure to report to his probation officer. Lamar County officials say they have since captured Williams. So, what about the hole in Townsend's ceiling? And her jacket? "They returned it and asked if I would like it back, and I said 'no,'" Townsend said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: Poor picture quality Dear Webby first, I love those snowy trees. Looks like heaven to me. And congratulations! walking that distance. Remember not to push the river of wellness upstream? Of course you do. Here is another of those birds I took a while back. But my friend, I haven't got the foggiest idea what AOLing might be. It's way beyond my technical know-how. But all my pictures are taken the same way, except at times I zoom in. What is different about the blue trees, that you liked? I can see what you mean by the white frame around them. I will crop it off and send them again, but in my opinion, they are too fuzzy to begin with and the quality not really good. I just wanted you to see them. They are called "lorikeets", pesky little blighters and not afraid of any bird, even crows. Hugs, Christine Dear Christine Yes, this last batch is better! "AOLing" refers to downgrading pictures, so that people on AOL or other slow connections could send and receive them. AOL even had it's own color palette. While everybody else used 16 Million colors, AOLers were restricted to just 219 colors. Heavy-handed lossy JPG compression and wide margins were other methods to cut down picture size. I am glad to say that AOL is not doing that any more, but they did for many years and the term has stuck. Many graphics programs and even cameras still let you mess with the JPG compression ratio, and they suggest a compromise between Highest Quality and Smallest File Size. JPG compression is "Lossy Compression". It washes color depth out of the picture. Once those pixels have been thrown away, you can never get them back. So it is best to check all your graphics programs and make sure each is set to save files at "Highest Quality". You can always weed out pictures if you need more space, but it is usually impossible to go back and re-take old pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trick Photography and Special Effects E-Book Become unique, creative and artistic by taking breathtaking photographs that blow people's minds away! Dozens of rare trick photography ideas are included in this 190 page e-book. Buy Tricks Now!

A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Measure Oil Before Honey Whenever a recipe calls for honey, first measure out the oil for the recipe (or if it doesn't call for oil, just spread a little oil all over the measuring cup). Then measure out the honey, and it should come out of the cup like a charm! By estypesty from Baltimore, MD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three old pilots walking on the ramp. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one yells in reply, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one hollers back, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Ms Myrna What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

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