How to strip >>> AOL Flags 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0648 -BC- Earliest total solar eclipse; chronicled by Greeks 
0402 Battle at Pollentia Roman army under Stilicho beats Visigoths
0610 Lailat-ul Qadar, the night the koran descended to Earth 
1106 Fire in Venice 
1652 Cape Colony, the 1st white settlement in South Africa established by Riebeeck
1712 Slave revolt in New York 
1722 Peter the Great ends tax on men with beards
1815 English militia shoots prisoners, 100's killed
1830 Joseph Smith & 5 others organize Mormon church in Seneca County, New York
1841 Cornerstone laid for 2nd Mormon temple, Nauvoo IL
1848 Jews of Prussia granted equality 
1868 Brigham Young marries his 27th & final wife
1869 1st plastic, Celluloid, patented 
1886 City of Vancouver British Columbia Canada incorporated
1889 George Eastman places Kodak Camera on sale for 1st time 
1893 Mormon temple in Salt Lake City dedicated 
1896 American, James Connolly, wins 1st Olympic gold medal in modern history 
1906 1st animated cartoon copyrighted 
1909 North Pole reached by Americans Robert Peary & Matthew Henson
1912 Electric starter 1st appeared in cars 
1917 US declares war on Germany, enters World War I 
1924 4 planes leave Seattle on 1st successful around-the-world flight
1930 Hostess Twinkies invented by bakery executive James Dewar
1938 Teflon invented by Roy J Plunkett
1939 Great Britain & Poland sign military pact 
1941 Beginning of 3 day Allied bombardment of Belgrade (17,000 die) 
1945 Japanese giant battleship Yamato heads to Okinawa
1945 Massive kamikaze-attack on US battle fleet near Okinawa
1954 TV Dinner is 1st put on sale by Swanson & Sons
1957 NYC ends trolley car service 
1965 Intelsat 1 ("Early Bird") 1st commercial geosynchronous communications satellite 
1974 250,000 attend rock concert "California Jam" 
1980 Post It Notes are introduced 
1992 Serbian troops begin siege of Sarajevo
2012  smiled

Wednesday's snow melted off the roads, they were warm,
but is still 4 - 6 inches deep on the trees and on shaded lawns.
Some of the snow will still be around on Easter Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Sound really does travel slower than light. The advice parents give to their 18 year olds doesn't reach them until they're about 40. --- Socratex "The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." --- Stanley J. Randall What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. --- Goethe
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice, "two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So vat did you do with the money?"
Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"  Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime
 
In this 543-page cookbook, you'll find:
  • 338 low carb recipes
  • 289 low fat recipes
  • 356 low calorie recipes
  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes
  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes
  • 10 rice, fried recipes
  • 65 beef recipes
  • 82 chicken recipes
  • 69 pork recipes
  • 65 seafood recipes
  • 21 noodle recipes
  • 23 soup and stew recipes
  • 46 appetizer recipes
  • 22 dessert recipes
  • 13 lamb and veal recipes
Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!   To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Click through for the large version. Istanbul
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brooke Burke, 36, North Olmsted, Ohio Refused To Stop Slow Dancing With Groom At Wedding, Attacked The Bride and cops Brooke Burke, a 36-year-old Ohio woman was jailed after she allegedly refused to stop slow dancing with the groom at a couple's wedding reception. According to police, the bride at a wedding reception got a surprise reaction when she asked Burke to stop slow dancing with her new husband. Burke, who is reportedly married to the groom's brother, took exception with the request and retaliated by taking a swing at the bride. Burke then allegedly hurled expletives at the bride as other guests pulled her away. Witnesses told police that Burke, who was visibly intoxicated, attacked the bride at least twice during the evening. A short time later, while waiting outside the reception for a cab, Burke approached the bride a third time and tried to attack her yet again. A witness who tried to restrain Burke was pushed to the ground. An auxiliary officer who attended the reception restrained Burke until she fell to the ground kicking and screaming, according to police. A second auxiliary officer rushed in to help after Burke struck the first officer in the face several times. Burke was eventually subdued, arrested and stuffed into the backseat of a police cruiser. She was transported to the North Olmsted Police station and charged with assault and disorderly conduct intoxication.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Strip >> from emails Dear Webby, I had to get this @#$%^%$# reformatted and the techy didn't reinstall that wonderful program I got from you for cleaning up emails before I send them on.(as in getting rid of the >>>> 's etc., ...and...I can't remember the name of it or find it on your site.....sheeeesh..maybe I'm losing it Anyway would you be so kind as to send me the link so I can re-install it and not send " dirty" emails on. Thanks so much.. Ann Dear Ann Just go to my Tool Box and scoot down to just below the goofy GIMP dog. There you see a small icon with two >> on it and crossed out. The program is called STRIP. It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it'll carry. The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... ...they're not eating!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Print On The Back Side Of Paper Instead of throwing away copy paper that has been run through the printer or copier, I have started to save them. Place the used paper in a file folder or appropriate sized box to keep the corners flat and paper unwrinkled. I then use the back of these sheets to print proof reading copies or other things where it doesn't matter if the back has already been used. It can really save money and resources. I do this at home and at work and feel good about getting all the use I can out of every sheet of paper. By Bebe52 from Lambert, MS You can save even more when you use ClickBook. I have had this link in my Tool Box since the late 90's, and have saved a huge amount of paper thanks to ClickBook. Clickbok turns any cheap printer into a double-sided booklet printer. You can print an eBook in paperback book format, 4 pages per sheet, with all the sheets ordered and sorted, ready to glue or staple the spine. You don't have to figure out what goes in the back of page 247, it does all that for you. ClickBook does over 170 different formats, from broshures to table riders. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal beliefs to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm spirit, so he tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel their kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed the woman, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When I walked into this latest one, I thought I recognized a wife of a classmate over in the corner, so I approached her and extended my hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "You don't look so great in blue either!"
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Is there a way to protect the HTML source 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 5

From Mike
Dear Webby,
Following the example of your "friend" at AOL, I've decided
 I want special attention as well.  

Henceforth, I shall be addressed as 
"Sir Mike of the Realm of the Virgins, Seeker of Truth and 
Slayer of Dragons, Rescuer of Damsels in or out of Distress, 
ESQ, PDA, LT, USN (Ret), MPG, JPG, Original Blend, 
Your Mileage may Vary."

If that doesn't fit, please feel free to continue addressing 
me as Mike.

Love the laughs, especially from the A-OL's 

Mike
Of the Realm of Virgins Beach, Virginia


Today in 
2348 -BC- Noah's ark grounded, Mount Ararat
1242 Alexander Nevsky of Novgorod defeats Teutonic Knights
1614 Indian princess Pocahontas marries English colonist John Rolfe
1621 Mayflower sails from Plymouth on a return trip to England 
1648 Spanish troops/feudal barons strike down people's uprising in Naples
1722 Jacob Roggeveen discovers Easter Island
1751 Adolf Frederik of Holstein-Gottorp crowns himself king of Sweden
1762 British take Grenada, West Indies, from French
1896 1st modern Olympic Games officially open in Athens 
1902 Soccer match riot between Scotland & England kills 25 
1915 French begin Woëvre-offensive 
1923 Firestone Company puts their inflatable tires into production 
1938 Anti-Jewish riots break out in Dabrowa Poland 
1944 140 Lancasters bomb airplane manufacturer in Toulouse 
1964 1st driverless trains run on the London Underground 
1971 Mount Etna erupts in Sicily Italy 
1974 Then tallest building, World Trade Center opens in NYC
1983 France throws out 47 Soviet diplomats
2063 Earth's 1st contact by extra-terrestrials (Vulcan); according to Star Trek 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams
Thanks to Pat for this: Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and." After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?" "Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"  Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime
 
In this 543-page cookbook, you'll find:
  • 338 low carb recipes
  • 289 low fat recipes
  • 356 low calorie recipes
  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes
  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes
  • 10 rice, fried recipes
  • 65 beef recipes
  • 82 chicken recipes
  • 69 pork recipes
  • 65 seafood recipes
  • 21 noodle recipes
  • 23 soup and stew recipes
  • 46 appetizer recipes
  • 22 dessert recipes
  • 13 lamb and veal recipes
Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!   To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.

Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "OK, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..." St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!" Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
Click through for the large version. Prag
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Olga perdomo and Willie Weathersby Bank Robbers Caught After Returning To Crime Scene The FBI said an attempted bank robber in Chicago was foiled by a teller who told her the bank was closed and she should come back the following day. The criminal complaint filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court said Olga Perdomo walked into the Albany Bank and Trust on West Lawrence Avenue around 5 p.m. on March 29 and handed a teller a note demanding "all of your money, no cops, no dye pack," the Chicago Tribune reported Wednesday. However, after reading the note, the teller told the woman the bank was closed and told her to come back the next day. "The female then left the bank," the complaint said. The woman, who was seen by a surveillance camera, was spotted by a bank employee walking outside of the establishment with a man around 3:20 p.m. Monday. Perdomo was arrested and police caught the man she was walking with after a short chase. The man was identified as Willie Weathersby, who officers recognized as a suspect in the robbery of $2,589 from the same bank March 23, the FBI said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Protect HTML from copying Dear Webby Is there a way to protect the HTML source of my pages from getting copied? Thanks Betty Dear Betty HTML source code can be encrypted. Just go to http://www.iwebtool.com/html_encrypter paste your HTML Source, and they will encrypt it for you. If you don't want to go quite that far, you can compress the source code by taking out all the empty spaces and line ends. That makes it awfully hard to read the source code, and will discourage most people from stealing it. There is a free compressor at http://www.digitalcoding.com/tools/compress-html.html Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Hope for bringing back this classic: A Southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he yelled, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he hollered, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it all and pour it into the river. AMEN! " With the sermon complete, he sat down. The choir leader stood very cautiously, carefully steadying himself by hanging on to the pew, and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closhing sschong, let ush sching Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Soap At Outdoor Spigot I put a bar of soap in the toe of a cut off leg of pantyhose and tie it onto my out side water faucets. It is handy for clean up after working in the yard and saves bringing the grime into the house. I have also taken these to picnics, family gatherings, etc. and slip knotted them onto a faucet for hand washing. By plwp12 from Odessa, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day while returning to my desk after a routine service call, a young lady flagged me down and asked for help. "My disk drive won't work, can you help me?" I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic baggie-like stuff hanging out of her disk drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys in the corner trying awful hard to keep a straight face. I asked her how the plastic got in the drive. "Oh, you mean the condom? Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it to prevent it from catching viruses." By this point, John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked, "Does that mean that I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. Karin complied, and got a ticket for fifty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her chequebook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $55."
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Final TSA report for 2011 ... 

Listen up all you naysayers. Those of you who whine about airport body scanners being an infringement of your rights under the Constitution, who rail about unwelcome and illegal invasions of your privacy, who complain of egregious and unwarranted government intrusion- you need to lighten up. The TSA performs a useful function on behalf of air travelers.

TSA Report for 2011 The Year 2011 is over. Homeland Security has provided their end-of-the-year statistics on airport screenings here in the U.S.

It is truly amazing what those full-body scanners have shown.

* Terrorist Plots Discovered: 0
* Transvestites: 743
* Enlarged Prostates: 19,249
* Breast Implants: 209,350
* Colon problems: 27,298
* Natural Blondes: 3





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Is Video Grabber safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 4

From N in Maryland
(She sums up what a lot of people wrote about that AOLer,
who did not want her name used to greet her)

Something must be wrong with that person...
Sorry... I like it when I see my name...it makes it more 
personal...and that is nice. I miss your daily comments 
too. Keep the dates and make your comments too. 
You are right most of the time...LOL 8)...
N in Maryland, USA.

The shortest comment was from Ed:
It's a hoot!   Don't stop!
 Ed

Today in 
1460 University of Basel in Swizerland forms 
1558 Czar Ivan IV gives parts of North-Russia to fur traders
1655 Battle at Postage Farina, Tunis English fleet beats Barbarian pirates 
1828 Casparus van Wooden patents chocolate milk powder
1850 City of Los Angeles incorporated 
1896 Announcement of Gold in the Yukon 
1905 Earthquake in Kangra India, kills 370,000
1912 Chinese republic proclaimed in Tibet 
1916 US Senate agrees (82-6) to participate in WWI
1920 Arabs attack Jews in Jerusalem
1932 Vitamin C 1st isolated, C C King, University of Pittsburgh 
1944 De Gaulle forms new regime in exile, with communists 
1947 Largest group of sunspots on record 
1994 Netscape Communications founded as Mosaic Communications 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower "All meanings, we know, depend on the key of interpretation." --- George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook

"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"

 

Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime

 

In this 543-page electronic cookbook, you'll find:

  • 338 low carb recipes

  • 289 low fat recipes

  • 356 low calorie recipes

  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes

  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes

  • 10 rice, fried recipes

  • 65 beef recipes

  • 82 chicken recipes

  • 69 pork recipes

  • 65 seafood recipes

  • 21 noodle recipes

  • 23 soup and stew recipes

  • 46 appetizer recipes

  • 22 dessert recipes

  • 13 lamb and veal recipes

Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!

 

To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.


One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come too?"
Click through for the large version. Andes
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Wren, 25, and Holly Watkins, 23, in Chelsea, Oklahoma Couple took baby along to burglary James Wren, 25, and Holly Watkins, 23, were jailed Wednesday after they allegedly burglarized a home while their infant son waited in the getaway car. According to the Rogers County Sheriff's Office, Wren and Watkins were burglarizing a Chelsea home when they were interrupted by the home owner's family. Sheriff's deputies arrived to find the burglar couple's 4-month-old son crying in the back seat of their car. Deputies found jewelry and other valuables hidden inside a pillow case in the woods - not far from where Watkins had been walking. Several other jewelry items were found in the couple's Chevy Tahoe. Wren and Watkins were booked into the Rogers County Jail and charged with burglary, obstructing an officer, knowingly concealing stolen property and child endangerment. DHS officials have placed the baby into protective custody.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erika Re: Is VideoGrabber safe? Dear Webby Is that Video Grabber add-on safe? It looks good, if you believe them, but sounds almost too good. Erika Dear Erika It does work OK for downloading MP3 files from YouTube files, but it is not straight and simple. You have to put up with all kinds of advertising and carefully stear clear of that, in order to get your MP3. In addition to that, it messes with your browser and adds an unwanted toolbar row, that is not easy to get rid off. VideoGrabber has been written by IE toadies and it really shows. Whenever it encounters problems, it opens up IE. It also kills your little multi-engine search bar, if you got it, and expects you to use their Bing search bar. VideoGrabber has no really major or catastrophic problems, just sloppy amateurish messing around. You probably CAN cope with those problems, but you might be a lot happier looking for an alternative. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob's Secrets to a Happy Marriage 1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex. 4. It is EXTREMELY important that these three women never meet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
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Man Boobs: A Watcher's Guide 


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DSL and phone on the same line 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 3

Today in 
0245 -BC- Start of Era of Arsaces
1376 Battle of Navarrete, England beat France
1764 Austrian arch duke Jozef crowned himself Roman Catholic king
1856 Gunpowder in church explodes killing 4,000 in Rhodos
1868 Hawaiian surfs on highest wave ever, a 50' tidal wave
1910 Highest mountain in North America, Alaska's Mount McKinley climbed
1919 Austria expels all Habsburgers and outlaws royalty
1922 Stalin appointed General Secretary of Communist Party
1926 2nd flight of a liquid-fueled rocket by Robert Goddard 
1933 1st airplane flight over Mount Everest 
1941 Churchill warns Stalin of German invasion 
1944 British dive bombers attack battle cruiser Tirpitz 
1948 Harry Truman signs Marshall Plan ($5B loans to 16 European countries) 
1949 North Atlantic Treaty, (NATO) pact signed by US, Britain, France & Canada 
1958 Fidel Castro's rebels attacked Havana 
1964 US & Panamá agree to resume diplomatic relations
1965 1st atomic powered spacecraft (SNAP) launched 
1966 Luna 10 orbits Moon 
1981 Race riots in London's Brixton area
1991 UN Security Council adopts Gulf War truce resolution 
2012  smiled

Most subscribers enjoy and appreciate it, when I greet them
with their name, and occasionally build their name into a joke.
Not all, though. Today one, an AOLer, who shall remain 
nameless and anonymous, demanded, that I change her first 
name to "Friend".

Yes, sure. No problem.
Makes me wonder, though.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"You can't go to a public pool and splash around any more. Everyone is swimming laps now. Some guy jumped in behind me and said, "How long you gonna be using this lane, dude?" And I said, "Until my bladder's empty, punk." --- Tommy Sledge It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job, he demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right! I didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."
Click through for the large version. Chichen Itzá, México
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Pruitt, 31 in Gastonia, NC Teacher Conspired With Student To Sell Prescription Pills To Other Students Meredith Pruitt, a 31-year-old teacher at Forestview High School in North Carolina has been jailed after she allegedly conspired with a student to sell prescription drugs to students. According to Gastonia Police, an investigation was launched after it was discovered that a student was selling prescription pills to students. Investigators say the student received the pills from Pruitt, and then gave Pruitt a part of the proceeds collected from selling the medication. All students who purchased the pills have been identified, police say. Pruitt was booked into the Gaston County Jail and charged with possession with intent to sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance, sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance, promoting drug sales by a minor, sell or deliver a controlled substance to a minor, sell or deliver a controlled substance within 1000 feet of a school, hire or use a minor to commit a controlled substance offense, conspiracy to sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. She was released after posting $15,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Britta P Re: Phone plus DSL at the same time Dear Webby Is it safe to dump my first phone number and just use the second one that has the DSL on it? Would I get knocked off the net if somebody calls in or if I call out? How does that work, in simple terms please! Thanks Britta P Dear Britta It's perfectly safe to do that. The phone and the DSL share the wire, but they use different frequencies. An analogy would be a glass fiber or rod that passes light through it. A beam of red light would carry the phone stuff, and a beam of blue light would carry the Internet stuff. At each end is a crystal prism that splits the light into the different colors of the rainbow. The phone only sees the red and reddish colors, and the DSL modem only sees the blue and bluish colors. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's color band. Exactly the same happens with your phone cable. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's frequency band. Usually the phone company installs a splitter and a separate line from there to your modem. That way the signal is not weakened by half a dozen phones around the house. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Richard for this one: In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store. We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision. Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a waitress. As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! You're the man who needs a shower!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Baking Soda I buy baking soda by the bag at Costco. I have one in the laundry room but don't need it taking up space in the kitchen and each bathroom. After washing and drying the plastic containers from flavored coffee creamers, I slit the labels to remove and mark the bottles accordingly with a Sharpie. They're easy to fill with a funnel and the pour top allows me to sprinkle as needed. There's one under each sink and the big bag is convenient for refills on a shelf in the garage. By mountainbrd from NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
went to the store with gramma and on the way home, was looking at the things she had purchased. found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size", then turned to gramma and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as mom's bed sheets!"
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Julia Sweeney "Sex Ed." Monologue 







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Using your name in newsletters 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 2

Thanks Jim!

Today in 
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de León claims Florida for Spain
1550 Jews are expelled from Genoa Italy 
1905 Cairo-Capetown railway opens 
1921 Professor Albert Einstein lectures in NYC on his new theory of relativity
1931 Teenage girl strikes out Babe Ruth & Lou Gehrig in an exhibition game in Chattanooga TN 
1932 Charles Lindbergh turns over $50,000 as ransom for kidnapped son 
1935 Sir Watson-Watt patents RADAR
1944 Soviet Army marches into pro-German Romania
1960 Cuba buys oil from USSR
1978 Velcro was 1st put on the market 
1980 Wayne Gretzky becomes 1st teenager to score 50 NHL goals in a season 
1987 IBM introduces PS/2 & OS/2
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Did you see this? Yesterday a 4.2 earthquake shook Arkansas. Over 2000 cars were knocked off their blocks. There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. --- John Ruskin The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Bob's wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So Bob went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through for the large version. I got the last of Dad's March pictrues uploaded to Dawna.com Now it is up to you to tell me which one you like the best!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrew James Britt, 24 in Live Oak, FL Running Meth Lab In Camper Parked On Strangers' Lawn A Live Oak man has been arrested for manufacturing methamphetamine within the city limits of Live Oak, according to a press release from the Live Oak Police Department. Reports show that Andrew James Britt, 24, 1218 2nd Street, was arrested after police discovered he was operating a meth lab in a camper. According to the press release, officers responded to a residence on 2nd Street on March 26, in response to a report of suspicious activity. Upon arriving, authorities were told by the complainant that someone had been living in a camper in their yard without permission. When police entered the camper, they found Britt asleep, along with several suspicious items around him, the press release stated. Based on experience, it appeared to police that Britt was using the camper as a methamphetamine manufacturing laboratory, authorities say. “Britt later confirmed that he was living in the camper illegally and had been preparing meth inside the camper,” LOPD Detective Justin Bates stated in the press release. Britt was arrested and has been charged with possession of methamphetamine and manufacturing methamphetamine.
Tech Support Pits: From: Terri Re: Nice to use my name! thanks for putting terri63379 smiled....very nice of you.... Dear Terri Looks like you put "terri63379" into the "FIRST NAME" field, when you subscribed. I edited that to "Terri" now. You may have noticed, that I not only greet you with the name, that you used during the subscription, but occasionally also build your name into jokes. Naturally, a joke falls flat if the star's name is "terri53379", instead of "Terri". Just be glad you didn't put "Mrs Hortensia Oglethorpe-Smythe III" into the FIRST NAME field. Replacing "Little Johnny" with that really messes up a joke! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you have expensive decorative candles that burn down in the middle, get a bag of the cheap "tea-light" candles ($3.99 for 100 at Ikea) and set them into the hollow. If the hollow is deep, carve it so that the metal of the tea-light candle does not touch the sides of the hollow, set it on a slice of cork, and drill a little air hole to let fresh air in to just below the metal. That gives a much smoother and steadier flame. With tea-light candles you can make fancy decorative candles last practically forever. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A local Pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him. Under his name badge they printed, "Hog Caller" as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented. The Pastor responded by saying, "I usually am called the "shepherd of the sheep'... but you know your people better than I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The proprietor of an optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$200.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $200.'" "If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'"
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How long does printer ink last? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 31

Thanks Jim!

Today in 
374 Halley's Comet approaches within 0.0884 astronomical units (AUs) of Earth 
1663 Holland fines unwed motherhood (50 guilder penalty) 
1748 Ruins of Pompeii found
1792 Dutch feminist Etta Palm demands women's right to divorce
1793 Volcano Unsen on Japan erupts killing about 53,000 
1826 Samuel Mory patents internal combustion engine
1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka become British crown colonies
1881 Anti-Jewish riots in Jerusalem
1888 Soccer team Sparta forms in Rotterdam
1889 1st dishwashing machine marketed (Chicago) 
1924 Hitler sentenced to 5 years labor
1929 Louie Marx introduces Yo-Yo 
1934 Bonnie & Clyde kill 2 police officers
1935 1st radio tube made of metal announced, Schenectady NY 
1941 Navy takes over Treasure Island (San Francisco Bay) 
1945 Canadian troops free key parts of Holland
1946 400,000 US mine workers strike 
1946 Weight Watchers forms 
1947 1st Jewish immigrants to Israel disembark at Port of Eilat 
1952 Big Bang theory proposed in Physical Review by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow 
1961 Jim Bakker marries Tammy Faye
1966 China premier Tsjoe en-Lai starts "Cultural revolution" 
1976 Stephen Wozniak & Steven Jobs originate Apple Computer 
1979 Iran proclaimed an Islamic Republic following fall of Shah 
1982 US formally transfers Canal Zone to Panamá
1986 World oil prices dip below $10 a barrel 
1990 It becomes illegal in Salem OR to be within 2' of nude dancers 
1991 Warsaw Pact officially dissolves 
1997 Comet Hale-Bopp Perihelion (0.914 AU) 
2012  smiled

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DearWebby


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It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S Truman "A recent study has found that more senior citizens than ever are entering college. College faculty says that the seniors are like any other students but take Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --- Conan O'Brien
Here is a classic that came back via Jolly: It was Palm Sunday, and the mother's 3 year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, and Jesus shows up!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like that for months."
Click through for the large version. Sydney
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason Wrenchy, 29 in Edmonds, Wash Wanted man text messages detective EDMONDS, Wash., March 28 (UPI) -- A man wanted on felony warrants was arrested after he sent a text message to a detective, police in Edmonds, Wash., said. Police detective Brian McIntyre said he received a text message from a number he didn't recognize. The text said, "Who are you?" and the detective responded with a similar question, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Wednesday. McIntyre said there was no response until he received another message from the phone number two days later. "And it said 'Come get me,' and then a not-so-nice word," he said. "I was like, oh, that sounds like a criminal." McIntyre said he plugged the number into a police computer and discovered it belonged to Jason Wrenchy, 29, a man McIntyre had previously arrested for burglary and drugs. He said Wrenchy had two outstanding warrants on felony charges. "We just decided I'll text him and see if he wants to meet me somewhere," he said. McIntyre said he was shocked when Wrenchy messaged back with an address, but not as shocked as the suspect was when he found himself under arrest. "In this case, he was obviously not so smart," McIntyre said. "I don't know if he ever knew who he was texting with."
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: How long does printer ink last? Dear Webby How long does printer ink last? Ruth Dear Ruth High quality ink,like the ink from Atlantic Inkjet.com, will last for many years. Printer cartridges, though, will not last long unless they are used at least three times a week. The problem is with the way cartridges and print heads are designed and built. They dry out and become unusable, unless they are used frequently. Especially if you are buying the ridiculously cheap bulk ink from Atlantic Inkjet, make it a habit of printing a page every day. You can print over the same old print dozens of times, or print on any used paper. Just keep the cartridge in use and moist. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Sam was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," Sam replied. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "Anni, my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magazine Organizer From Recycled Wine Box I'm sure I'm the only one who drinks boxed wines, but in case there are others of you, here's a great idea. I had the box laying on the dryer waiting to be torn down for the recycle bin when I noticed the size is just about the same as a cardboard magazine organizer. I grabbed a flimsy organizer off my craft shelf, lined it up on the box, marked a few lines, and cut away. Not only is it a money saver, but the re-purposed wine boxes are much sturdier than the magazine boxes you can buy. I just covered it with some leftover contact paper and waited for the next box to empty! By DannieB from Seattle, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit per- fectly around his neck."
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The Importance of Walking .... !! 

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.




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How do Iget rid of the shortcut arrow on icons 



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>
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 31

Today in 
1492 Queen Isabella of Castilia & Ferdinand of Aragon expel Jews from Spain
1504 France & Spain signs ceasefire 
1667 France/England sign anti-Dutch military accord 
1683 Emperor Leopold I/Poland signs covenant against Turkey
1745 Jews are expelled from Prague
1808 French created Kingdom of Westphalia orders Jews to adopt family names
1814 Forces allied against Napoleon capture Paris France 
1850 US population hits 23,191,876 (Black population: 3,638,808 (15.7%)) 
1854 Commodore Perry forces Japan to opens ports to foreign trade 
1880 1st town completely illuminated by electric lighting (Wabash IN) 
1889 300 meter Eiffel Tower officially opens (commemorates French Revolution)
1903 Richard Pearse flies monoplane several hundred yards (New Zealand) 
1917 US purchases Danish West Indies for $25M & renames them Virgin Islands
1920 British parliament accept Irish "Home Rule"-law
1921 Albert Einstein lectures in New York on his new theory of relativity 
1923 French soldiers fire on workers at Krupp factory in Essen, Germany
1932 Ford publicly unveils its V-8 engine 
1933 German Republic gives power to Hitler 
1939 Britain & France agree to support Poland if invaded by Germany
1943 US errantly bombs Rotterdam, kills 326
1944 Hungary orders all Jews to wear yellow stars
1945 US artillery lands on Keise Shima/begins firing on Okinawa 
1959 Dalai Lama fled China & was granted political asylum in India
1965 US ordered the 1st combat troops to Vietnam 
1966 25,000 anti war demonstrators march in New York NY 
1980 President Jimmy Carter deregulates banking industry 
1991 Soviet Republic of Georgia endorsed independence; Warsaw Pact dissolves
1992 UN Security Council voted to ban flights & arms sales to Libya
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." --- Socratex
Overheard in the line-up at the bank: Did you go to college?? No, I drink at home, I couldn't afford the $10,000 dollar cover charge!
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you, please, name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you added "AS" and wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Red Amarylis
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sarah Jones, Cincinnati Cheerleader And Teacher - Indicted For Having Sex With Student Covington, Ky. Sarah Jones, a Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleader and former Dixie Heights High School teacher, has been indicted on charges she had sex with a student while she was teaching. According to police, Jones had sex with a student while she was a teacher at Dixie Heights High School. She was indicted on a first-degree charge of sexual abuse and one count of unlawful use of electronic means to induce a minor to engage in sexual or prohibited acts. (sending him naked pictures most likely). Sarah Jones' mother, Cheryl Jones, was indicted on a charge of tampering with evidence. Cheryl Jones is the Principal of Twenhofel Middle School in independence. Sarah Jones, 26, resigned from her teaching position in November, 2011, using a one sentence resignation. She cited "personal reasons" as her reason for quitting the job. She is currently the team captain for the Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleading squad and has cheered with them for the last five years. Both women were booked into the Kenton County Jail on Thursday. Sarah Jones' bond was set at $50,000. Her mother Cheryl Jones' bond was set at $30,000. -------------- I realize that probably only one of today's teachers in a Million could pass the Grade 8 exams we passed, but why are they picking gossipy toy-boys so frequently?
Tech Support Pits: From: Many Re: How do I get rid of the shortcut arrow? How do I get rid of the silly shortcut arrow? Nobody except a Microsoft programmer would store files or program on the desktop, so all icons are shortcuts to SOME place other than the desktop, and the silly arrow is just a nuisance. How do I get rid of it? Many With Windows XP and previous versions all the way back to Windows 95, the best method is to use TweakUI. For Windows7 and 8 you need stronger ammo to fix that nuisance. You COULD hack around in the registry, but I consider that as a last resort. The easiest and most reliable method is to download the "Vista Shortcut Overlay Remover" Program There are two different programs, depending on whether your Windows is 32 bit or 64 bit. Hold down the Windows key and hit the PAUSE key to see which version you got, then download the appropriate program from my Tool Box. They are free. I moved the link way up near the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make? God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon answered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM I use a heavy pyrex measuring cup (4 or 6 cups) for that, and usually fill it half way with water. Unlike cans, a heavy pyrex measuing cup never gets knocked over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the middle aged cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, don't you want a cart?" "Nah," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Unflinching, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $600.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" Just then the foreman comes into the room with his wallet in his hand. He looks around and says, "Hey! Where did the pizza delivery guy go to ?"
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Easy way to make icons 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today in 
0239 -BC- 1st recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet 
1533 Henry VIII divorces his 1st wife, Catherine of Aragon
1603 Battle at Mellifont: English army under Lord Mountjoy beats Irish
1814 Britain & allies march into Paris after defeating Napoleon
1842 Ether was used as an anaesthetic for 1st time by Dr Crawford Long (Jefferson GA) 
1870 15th Amendment passes, guarantees right to vote regardless of race
1870 Texas becomes last confederate state readmitted to Union
1911 Lötschberg tunnel in Switzerland, 13,735 meter (8.5 Miles) completed
1919 Belgian Army occupies Düsseldorf 
1944 781 British bombers attack Neurenberg 
1950 Phototransistor invention announced, Murray Hill NJ 
1972 North Vietnamese troops enter South Vietnam
1981 President Reagan shot & wounded by John W Hinckley Jr 
1992 Man accidentally backs into A's Jose Canseco's $225,000 Lamborghini 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The most unpardonable sin in society is independence of thought." --- Emma Goldman The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Ellen Parr
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like. She said, "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten the know you sooner!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Jasmine bush Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lindsey Morgan, 31 Woman Seven Months Pregnant Drives Drunk, Crashes Into Tree While Fleeing Police Buckley, Mich. Lindsey Morgan, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, was charged with DUI after she allegedly crashed into a tree while fleeing from police. All while being seven months pregnant with a 2-year-old inside the car. According to the Wexford County Sheriff's Office, Morgan punched the gas pedal and fled when an officer tried to pull her over Wednesday about 10 p.m.. The pursuit came to an abrupt stop when Morgan's vehicle crashed into a tree. She was taken into custody by a Wexford County deputy. Investigators say Morgan was intoxicated at twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. She is also seven months pregnant and had her 2-year-old daughter inside the vehicle. Morgan was booked into the Wexford County Jail and charged with DUI - Third Offense.
Tech Support Pits: From: Calla Re: How do I make icons? Dear Webby, I need to make a bunch of icons for vision impaired people. Yes, I know there are tons of icons hidden in Windows and where, but I have to make new ones. What program do you recommend for that? . Calla Dear Calla Any decent paint program will work, and even indecently crude ones, as long as you can save a file as .BMP Before you start painting, make a directory and call it ICONS. You can take existing pictures as long as they have lots of contrast and not too many details. Shrink them to 64 x 64 pixels and see if they are still usable. Many pictures become unrecognizable when you do that. You may have to increase contrast and replace the background. Work on it in maximum Zoom and check it at normal size until it looks OK. Save the icons in BMP format into that ICONS directory. Once you have them all done, close the paint program and use Windows Explorer and rename the files to .ICO Note! You can not do that if the files are still open in the paint program. You HAVE to close them. After that, just right-click on an icon that you want to replace, click on Properties, Change Icon, and browse to the ICONS directory, choose the right icon and doubleclick it to select it. Then hit APPLY and OK and the new icon will show up. I have a hunch I know what tomorrow's most frequent question will be: How do I get rid of the ugly shortcut arrow on the icons? Wanna bet? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Cindy pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Paper Towels Serve Dual Purpose For those of us who still find paper towels a necessity, try this to get more out of them. Every time I wash my hands and use a paper towel to dry them off (especially in flu and cold season!), I use the fact that it is wet and give a quick clean-up swipe to either the splashes of water on the sink and counter top or another small spot of dirt that could use the ol' once-over. It makes me feel a bit better about using paper towels in my house! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The veterinarian told Judy that her dog needed a lot more exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball. "I can't play fetch with my dog," Judy said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "He can't throw."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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During a quarrel with his parents, little LeRoy cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. "Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me." "Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, till I get my coat, I'll go with you."
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How to make a shorcut on desktop that goes to a site 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 29

Today in 
1461 Battle near Towton Field, 33,000 die (War of the Roses) 
1638 1st permanent white settlement in Delaware (Swedish Lutherans) 
1798 Republic of Switzerland forms
1804 Thousands of Whites massacred in Haiti 
1827 20,000 attend Ludwig von Beethovens burial in Vienna
1847 12,000 US troops capture Vera Cruz, Mexico
1848 Niagara Falls stops flowing for 30 hours due to an ice jam 
1864 Great Britain gives Isotope Islands back to Greece
1867 British North America Act (Canadian constitution) is passed 
1886 Chemist John Pemberton begins to advertise for Coca-Cola (with cocaine) 
1927 Henry O D Segrave races his Sunbeam to a record 203.79 mph at Daytona; 
1st auto to exceed 200 mph (322 kph) 
1942 British cruiser Trinidad torpedoes itself in the Barents Sea 
1949 Turkey recognizes Israel
1964 1st true Pirate Radio station, Radio Caroline (England) 
1973 Last US troops leave Vietnam, 9 years after Tonkin Gulf Resolution 
1989 1st Soviet hockey players are permitted to play for the NHL 
1994 Serbs & Croats signed a cease-fire to end the war in Croatia
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead Just like in biographies, in many diaries the dates are are often lonely islands of facts. --- Socratex
Thanks to Alf for thos one: Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Customer: Can this wool coat be worn in wet weather? Clerk: Madam, have you ever seen a sheep carry an umbrella?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nicole Jacques, 25 Teacher Charged With Repeatedly Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Hatfield, Penn. (The Weekly Vice) - Nicole Jacques, a 25-year-old former teacher at Calvary Baptist School in Landsdale, has been jailed after she repeatedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched in February after the parents of a 15-year-old boy complained that Jacques was having "excessive and inappropriate contact" with their son. During the investigation, detectives learned that Jacques met the boy while teaching at Calvary Baptist School, but she resigned her position in late 2011. Following the resignation, Jacques continued to contact the teen, which soon developed into a sexual relationship. Investigators say Jacques and the boy repeatedly had sex at her apartment. Jacques was booked into jail and charged with 20 counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, 20 counts of statutory sexual assault, 10 counts of unlawful contact with a minor and 20 counts of corruption of minors. She was arraigned on Monday and her bail was set at $50,000. Her next court appearance has been set for April 4th.
Tech Support Pits: From: Moe Re: shorcut on desktop that goes to a site Dear Webby, Any way to put a shorcut on desktop that goes to a site? Specifically i have Lycos as my search engine of choice. Tired of google quirks. So must go to browser Favs or Bookmarks and use that path. Should be a way to save link to desktop? Not see at their site. Would be a good idea to tell them to add the function for other lost users. moe Dear Moe Look at the address bar in your browser. Just to the left of it, there is a tiny icon, if the site has a "Favicon", a poorly documented and not properly implemented feature in Windows, or some kind of small icon. Go to for example http://webby.com/humor You will see a tiny icon of me laughing. Drag that onto an empty spot on your desktop. Instant shortcut icon. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new roof. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls for Seedlings I save the cardboard centers from toilet paper. These are excellent for starting seeds for my garden in the early spring. When the conditions are right for planting, I simply plant seedling in its cardboard core. By Judi S. from Six Mile, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Neville had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered a job at the council as a garbage collector, he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow from his old neighborhood who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, stood up. The teacher said, ", do you really think you're stupid?" "No, ma'am", said, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" +
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The Right Person for the Right Job 

Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.

If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the help desk.

If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical writing team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.





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How much RAM does XP need? 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 28

Today in 
1738 English parliament declares war on Spain
1774 Britain passes Coercive Act against Massachusetts 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs of New Hampshire patents a washing machine
1799 New York State abolished slavery
1804 Ohio passed law restricting movement of Blacks
1845 Mexico drops diplomatic relations with US 
1854 During the Crimean War, Britain & France declare war on Russia
1866 1st ambulance goes into service 
1885 US Salvation Army officially organized 
1917 Jews are expelled from Tel Aviv & Jaffa by Turkish authorities 
1935 Goddard uses gyroscopes to control a rocket
1939 Dutch hunter shoots English bombers down 
1939 Spanish Civil War ends, Madrid falls to Francisco Franco 
1941 Sea battle at Cape Matapan: British fleet under Cunningham defeats Italy
1942 234 RAF bombers attack Lübeck
1994 Italy's right-wing alliance under Silvio Berlusconi wins election 
1995 World's largest banks-Japan's Mitsubishi Bank & Bank of Tokyo merge 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
A blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the blind farmer in the back. The farmer turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw him to the ground with a thump that left it breathless. "Goodness!" said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "I owe it all to faith," said the blind farmer. "And if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of his bike, I'd have thrashed him good and properly."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

>From Brent Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michael Gorneau, 46 Man pocket dials 911 while stealing A Connecticut man accidentally called 911 on his cell phone while he was allegedly stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal from a local business Thursday. Police initially thought the call was a medical emergency, since they could only hear rustling in the background before the call disconnected, according to Southington Patch. But once identified the caller's location using GPS, they arrived at the scene to find Michael Gorneau, 46, had transferred the metal from a local business's dumpster into his pick-up truck. Gorneau accidentally called 911 while crawling under a fence, police told Southington Patch. They initially thought the call might be a medical emergency, since they could only hear rustling in the background. The metal belonged to a company that makes metal doors, NBC Connecticut reported. Far from being trash, it's generally sold to help pay for the employees' benefits. Gorneau was charged with third-degree trespassing and sixth-degree larceny larceny. He was released from jail on $5,000 bond, and is scheduled to appear in court on April 2.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: How much memory for XP ? Dear Webby, One of my home computers is a Dell running Windows XP Professional. I have 1G memory. Browsers seem to crash fairly often, Firefox and Chrome. I suspect they run into memory problems when several tabs, not many, are open. Before I get more memory, I wonder if the rather massive number of things that load at start-up might be a problem, Since I don't know what they all do. Is there somewhere I can find out what is essential and what I can forgo? I am sending this message using Netscape Navigator 9 which seems not to have that problem. -- Wm W. P. Dear Bill 1 GB is not really enough for nowadays. Be a big spender and get another MB. To sort out what starts up I use StartupCop from PC Magazine. It costs $8, but is well worth it. It lets you disable unwanted stuff and does a fair job explaining what each item does. You should still get that second MB of RAM from DELL or TigerDirect, but StartupCop will help to eliminate unwanted or obsolete stuff and generally clean things up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now our boat is the only urinal for 500 miles around!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls for Seedlings I save the cardboard centers from toilet paper. These are excellent for starting seeds for my garden in the early spring. When the conditions are right for planting, I simply plant seedling in its cardboard core. By Judi S. from Six Mile, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house. Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second and third. ”What's wrong with the nails?” he asked. ”Sure the heads are at the wrong end.” ”You are stupid you idiot, can't you see they are for the other side of the house?”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Finnegan’s wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "Yes, of course she did." "Well, what did she say?" "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan. "I stopped listening twenty years ago."
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Low volume on some VOIP calls 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 27

Thank you, Neil!

Today in 
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de León sights Florida 
1713 Spain loses Menorca & Gibraltar 
1790 The shoelace invented 
1794 Congress authorizes the President "to provide a naval armament" (US Navy) 
1841 1st US steam fire engine tested, New York NY 
1849 Joseph Couch patents steam-powered percussion rock drill 
1860 M L Byrn patents "covered gimlet screw with a 'T' handle" (corkscrew) 
1866 Andrew Rankin patents the urinal 
1879 Longest championship fight (136 rounds) 
1924 Canada recognizes USSR
1941 Britain leases defense bases in Trinidad to US for 99 years
1942 Japan forces Java to use "Tokyo time" 1½ hour forward 
1945 Iwo Jima occupied, after 22,000 Japanese & 6,000 US killed 
1950 Netherlands recognizes People's Republic of China
1958 Havana Hilton opens
1964 Earthquake strikes Anchorage AK, 9.2 on Richter scale, 
131 die from earthquake and resulting tsunami; 
this is the most violent eathquake in US history 
1964 UN troops arrive on Cyprus
1966 Anti Vietnam war demonstrations in US, Europe & Australia 
1980 Mount St Helens becomes active after 123 years
1997 39 cult members in California commit mass suicide (Hale-Bopp) 
In 2012  smiled

That was Secretary of State Seward who bought Alaska and the 
Aleutian Islands in 1867.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The easiest way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. --- Oscar Wilde I used to be pure as the New Fallen Snow - but I drifted --- Mae West Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost
Driving to a new restaurant, Judy took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?" "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where I'm supposd to be going when I'm driving."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5,000." "$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jeffrey Sevigny, 49 of Pembroke, Mass Drunk driving with a Bobcat is third DUI A 49-year-old Pembroke man is facing his third drunken driving charge after neighbors said they saw him doing “doughnuts” while driving a Bobcat tractor on one of the town’s main roads. Jeffrey Sevigny of 72 Mill St. was arraigned Thursday in Plymouth District Court and was being held on $2,500 cash bail. He was charged with third-offense drunken driving, driving with a suspended license as a subsequent offense and negligent driving. Witnesses told police they saw Sevigny riding a Bobcat tractor on Center Street and Mill Street at about 8 p.m. Wednesday. It is illegal to operate tractors on public roads, Pembroke police Lt. Mike Jenness said. Witnesses told police they saw Sevigny doing “doughnuts”, circular maneuvers that leave skid marks on the road, near Tubbs Meadow. Police said they saw Sevigny driving the tractor onto a dirt area off the road. Authorities saw wheel marks left by the tractor on Center and Mill streets, Jenness said. Police said they could smell alcohol on Sevigny’s breath. No field sobriety tests were conducted because the driver was too drunk, Jenness said. Sevigny is due back in court April 20.
Tech Support Pits: From: Kevin Re: voice volume on VOIP Dear Webby, I have had Voice Over IP for my phone for almost a year and have been reasonably happy with it. Lately I noticed that with some people I have a rela problem hearing them. Not all, but especially with sales people the volume seems to be really low. Is that due to VOIP ? Thanks Kevin Dear Kevin Since you can hear some people normally, the problem is most likely just lazy people using a speakerphone and not talking directly at it. Insist on talking to the manager or owner of that business, and complain. The alternative is to switch to a supplier, where they care enough about their customers to use head-sets or regular phones, or at least talk directly at a speakerphone. With incoming calls I am quite fussy. If the volume is too low, or the background noise sounds like a laundromat or a call center in Pakistan, I put the phone down, and let them listen to my radio until they hang up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my sewing machine from moving while I'm using it. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this one: It was moving day. The previous owners were going to finish moving out that morning, and we were going to start moving in that afternoon. We showed up just as they were finishing up, around lunchtime. The couple was sitting down for a breather before they left. The wife suggested to her husband that they go to McDonald's for lunch. She told us with guilty pleasure, "I know it's not good for me, but I just love burgers and fries." Her husband had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. He told us, in all seriousness, "Not me. I'm a meat and potatoes man."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It is said that when you tell an Englishman a joke, he will laugh three times. First - when you tell it, to be polite. Second - when you explain it, to be polite. And third - in the middle of the night when he wakes up and finally gets it. When you tell an Irishman the same joke, he will laugh twice. First - when you tell it, to be polite, even if he was the one who told you the joke last week. And second - when he tells it to you again next week. When you tell an American the same joke he won't laugh at all. Instead he will say, "It's an old joke. The Irishman told it to me last week."
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Obama Volt 2012 







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Is a firewall really necessary? 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 26

Thank you, Larry!

Today in 
1668 England takes control of Bombay India 
1799 Napolean captures Jaffa Palestine
1804 Congress orders removal of Indians east of Mississippi to Louisiana
1804 Territory of Orleans organized in Louisiana Purchase 
1812 Earthquake destroys 90% of Caracas; about 20,000 die 
1859 1st sighting of Vulcan, a planet thought to orbit inside Mercury 
1885 Louis Riel's forces defeat Canadian forces at Duck Lake, Saskatchewan 
1910 US forbid immigration to criminals, anarchists, paupers & the sick 
1934 Driving tests introduced in Britain 
1937 Spinach growers of Crystal City TX, erect statue of Popeye
1944 705 British bombers attack Essen 
1945 Japanese resistance ends on Iwo Jima
1945 Kamikazes attack US battle fleet near Kerama Retto 

In Alaska, today is Seward Day to comemorate President Seward 
buying Alaska and the Aleutian Islands in 1867.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I had general anesthesia for my surgery. It's so weird. You go to sleep in one room and then wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like in college." --- Ross Shafer "What's the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket--she's prepared to shop. What's the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn--he's prepared for traffic. "What's the first toy a little girl wants? A doll--she's prepared to shop with friends. What's the first toy a little boy wants? A gun--he's prepared for traffic." --- Jason Chase
One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Uncle Jon was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old Great Nephew, James, standing at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event. Uncle Jon thought to himself: "Great, now I'm gonna have to explain the 'birds and bees' to him. Well, no need to jump the gun. I'll just wait and see if he has any questions, and I'll just answer them as best I can." After Uncle Jon finished helping the cow with her birthing, he walked over to James and asked him: "Do you have any questions about what you seen here tonight?" "Just one," the little boy whispered, eyes still wide with wonder. "How fast was that calf going when he hit the cow?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brian Allee, 29 Jailed After Shooting Up Heroin In Front Of Son's School, With Crying Baby In Back Seat Sheboygan, Wis. (The Weekly Vice) - Brian Allee, a 29-year-old Wisconsin man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly injected heroin while waiting in a car in front of his son's school. An 8-month-old baby was found crying in the back seat. According to Sheboygan police, officers were dispatched to Cooper Elementary School after Allee's six-year-old son found his father passed out in a car outside of his school. The child ran back into the school crying "I can't wake Daddy up." Investigators say a teacher went out to the car, which was still running, and was unable to wake Allee. A syringe was found in Allee's hand while an 8-month-old baby cried in the back seat. Arriving officers searched the car and found six foil squares of heroin, a cigarette lighter and a burned spoon that was coated with heroin residue. Needle marks were found on Allee's arm, including one mark that was still bleeding. Allee was transported to Sheboygan Memorial Hospital where he was treated and tested for drug abuse. He was taken into custody soon afterward. Allee was booked into jail and charged with child neglect and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Tech Support Pits: From: Beat Re: Is a firewall necessary? Dear Webby, Is a firewall necessary for a computer that is only used for an hour or so every day? Beat Dear Beat Yes, it is. They did a test with a thousand brand new computers and they were attacked on the average within 14 minutes. If you don't think a good firewall like McAfee is justified in your case, get a free one like ZoneAlarm. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South Bend?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Flavored Drinks with Soda Water Use carbonated spring water, which is available cheaply from chains like Asda (Walmart in US), to make up orangeade, lemonade, etc. This enables you to have a wide choice of fizzy drinks without either buying big bottles of pop which go flat quickly, or individual cans/bottles which cost more. By Verity Eileen from Norfolk, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks... "ess-tues me ser?" "Yes sir" replied the clerk. "Tould you tale me how mutsh youre pisstasheos arr?" "Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound." "SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks "welp, how mutsh arr youre aahhmons?" "Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound." "SSIT!" Replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout youre pikanns?" "Pecans? They're on sale today...they're only four fifty a pound." "Welp...SSit.. just div me a poulnd of dose dhen." "Alrighty then," Says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans. Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it." The clerk replies with a smile "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that... I don't make fun of anybody, for any thing! I don't know if you noticed or not, but I have a rather large nose." The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your dick, your nutz arr so damn high!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks one night. "My grandfather lived to be 96." "Ninety-six? What finally got him? "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show ya," snickered the one guy, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what ya think. Towards the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
» Strange Clock


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The Rules of Bureaucracy 

1. Preserve thyself.

2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard to understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.





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How to stop Internet Explorer from locking up on Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 25

Thank you, Maggie!
Thank you Jim!

Today in 
0421 City of Venice founded 
1306 Robert the Bruce crowned king of Scotland 
1634 Lord Baltimore founded Catholic colony of Maryland 
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupts, destroying Nicolosi, killing 20,000
1774 English Parliament passes Boston Port Bill 
1807 British Parliament abolishes slave trade 
1813 1st US flag flown in battle on the Pacific, frigate Essex 
1821 Greece gains independence from Turkey
1896 Modern Olympics begin in Athens Greece
1905 Rebel battle flags captured during war are returned to South 
1955 East Germany granted full sovereignty by occupying power, USSR 
1961 Elvis Presley performs live on the USS Arizona
2012  smiled.

Today was new year;s Day in England from 1155 to 1752

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child. --- Randall Jarrell Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. --- Anonymous If you cannot convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S Truman I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. --- Mae West "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." ---Wendell Johnson
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Re yesterday's joke, that ended with... "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check." Bill wrote to tell us that he heard that hell has lots of banks.
Click through for the large version. Palmira
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Suspect pulls down girlfriend's shirt, bra and accuses deputy Charles Michael Trichell and his girlfriend Shantele Arlene Gunter were arrested by Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office deputies Sunday when they returned to a West Monroe nightclub after being told to leave and not to come back. While in the back of the patrol car on the way to Ouachita Correctional Center, Trichell reportedly got out of the handcuffs and pulled down his girlfriend’s shirt and bra. OPSO reported that at OCC Trichell accused the deputy of pulling down her clothes and would lose his job. When deputies tried to handcuff him again, Trichell resisted, causing a struggle. Trichell continued to threaten and curse the deputy. The arrest report stated suspected marijuana was found in the seat where Trichell was sitting. A female deputy pulled Gunter’s clothes back up. The arrest affidavit stated OPSO told the couple to leave the Western Club only to be called back because Trichell and Gunter had returned. The first time they left, Trichell was carrying a case of beer. When deputies came back the beer was broken in the street and Trichell was cursing the complainant. Gunter, 29, 903 Dye St., Oak Grove, was charged with criminal trespassing and disturbing the peace. She posted a $400 bond and was released. Trichell, 26, of the same address, was charged with disturbing the peace, criminal trespasing public intimidation, resisting by violence, littering and possession of marijuana. He posted an $8,850 bond and was released.
Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: IE crashing Dear Webby, My Internet Explorer keeps locking up, sometimes so bad, that I have to reboot. Yes, I am using Blonde Windows, and I do regret not listening to you. Is there a way ti stop Internet Explorer from locking up all the time? Thanks Fran Dear Fran It is not just Internet Explorer. FireFox locks up too, though not nearly as often. To reduce that problem, open a text editor and paste the URL's of sites, that you want to go back to later, with a comment about why you should go back there. Then close that tab. Try to keep the tabs in use to less than twenty, preferably less than ten. Worst are pages, that auto-update every so often, to give you up to the minute news or weather or whatever. If you have been quietly reading or writing, and not really using the net, then most likely your ISP allocated your bandwidth to somebody, who is busy downloading music or porn. You will get your bandwidth and speed back, soon, but not instantly. If a page tells the browser to refresh every minute or every 5 minutes, it tries to do that. Internet Explorer tries so frantically, that it knocks itself out, if a lot of the resources are reserved for tabs or something else. FireFox is a lot more graceful about that, and generally does not knock itself out, if you have less than 20 tabs open. Naturally, if you have a graphics program open at the same time, and the last 50 large high-resolution pictures that you snagged from DropBox or some PPS, still open, then you don't really have enough free memory to safely operate a browser. Any browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On the way to the bakery I saw some kids playing "Wedding". The bride's gown was a yellow shower curtain, gathered at the waist with a piece of red garden hose, and the curtain trailing way behind her. Her veil was mosquito netting, topped by a blue cop car bubble as a tiara. The groom was attired in a grey lab coat with a charcoal black piece of truck tire innertube as a wide cummerbund belt. His coat trailed a bit too, but did not quite hide the fact that instead of to a traditional ball and chain, his leg was chained to a tricycle. The mother-in-law carried the traditional rolling pin but the father-in-law had a plastic space ray look water gun instead of the traditional shotgun. The preacher was wearing a white bath robe backwards and a trucker style cap, also backwards. Just as I was walking past them, I heard the preacher sing out: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, forever and ever. If you want to kiss the bride, you better have an attorney present."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Leftover Ice in House Plants This is a little tip for people who like conserving energy and water. When there is ice left in the glasses after a meal, I always pop them altogether and then put that ice into the house plants rather just throw it down the drain. It is a shame to have used the electricity to make the cubes and then just throw them all away. Saves a bit of fresh water too! By Maura from New York, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My friend Eric, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away. After a roundhouse swing that connected with a solid thud, Eric slammed him against the wall pinned him there. When he looked up, he saw a number of surprised and concerned customers staring at him. "Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items. The cops will pick him up as soon as they can get here." I have a hunch those people will count their items VERY carefully in the future.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Carol In 1856, Heinrich Heine, the German poet, left everything to his wife on the condition that she remarried "so that there will be at least one man to regret my death."
» Antique Typewriters





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Five Rules To Remember In Life: 

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Trying to debate with Obama voters is like trying to pick up a turd by its clean end.






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Some Useful Condescending Phrases 

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.




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CPU Speed 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 24
More snow! 
Personally, I'd be ready for a bit of that promised 
Gullible Warming instead of the hostile, icy wind while
I went for my walk in the evening.

Thank you, Maggie!
Thank you Jim!

Today in 
1801 Aleksandr P Romanov becomes emperor of Russia 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith beaten, tarred & feathered in Ohio
1837 Canada gives blacks the right to vote 
1882 German scientist Robert Koch discovers bacillus cause of TB 
1898 1st US automobile sold
1944 811 British bombers attack Berlin 
1945 Largest one-day airborne drop, 600 transports & 1300 gliders 
1955 British Army patrols withdraw from Belfast after 20 years 
1958 Elvis Presley joins the army
1965 US Ranger 9 strikes Moon
1972 Great Britain imposes direct rule over Northern Ireland 
1982 US sub Jacksonville collides with a Turkish freighter near Virginia 
1986 US & Libya clash in Gulf of Sidra 
1989 Worst US oil spill, Exxon's Valdez spills 11.3 million gallons off Alaska 
1990 Indian troops leave Sri Lanka 
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that. --- G. H. Hardy I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. --- Edith Sitwell Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig
Nine year was asked by his mother what had been taught in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, , is that really what your teacher told you?" the mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. Because I wanna take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with that man." She replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with that man?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jailed After Calling 911 Because Wife Was Sitting Next To Him Wesley Chapel, Florida - Doyle Hardwick, a 57-year-old Florida man was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly called 911 to complain that his wife wouldn't stop sitting next to him. According to police, Doyle Hardwick became increasingly irritated when he wanted to check his Facebook profile in peace, however his wife, Julie Hardwick, refused to leave him alone. Investigators say Doyle first gave his wife a beer, hoping it would make her drowsy enough to fall asleep. Instead, his wife continued to sit next to him so that she could watch him browse the Internet and visit his Facebook profile. Doyle called 911 to complain. Officers arrived at the couple's home and noted in the report that both parties were calm and no emergency existed. Doyle Hardwick was arrested and pleaded no contest to a charge of misusing 911. He was sentenced to 60 days in jail. A warrant was issued for his arrest when he failed to report to jail to serve his sentence. He turned himself in on Tuesday. Doyle Hardwick has previous arrests for carrying a concealed weapon, misuse of 911, trespassing after warning and probation violation. Julie Hardwick was not arrested over the incident but has been previously arrested for theft of utilities.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: CPU speed Dear Webby, I need to know the basic CPU speed of my computer. Thanks Bill Dear Bill Just download the Belarc Advisor from http://webby.com/tools.html It will do a complete inventory of what is in your machine and make a nice, printable report, a good idea before sending the macine for repair or lending it to anybody. It is also great for insurance purposes. Holding down the Windows key and hitting PAUSE, will give you a page with some basic information too. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and Johnny would always take the nickel (they said) because it was bigger. One day after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" With a big grin on his face, Johnny slowly turned toward the store owner. "Well," he answered, "If I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've saved $20!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella My community has recycling once a month. It is amazing the things you can find that people are throwing out. For example, our deck table needed an umbrella and someone threw one out. It was faded but otherwise in pretty good shape. I decided to spray paint it using an indoor/outdoor paint that is good for wood, metal, and more. I worked perfectly and I have had no problems with the paint running or fading. By LoracMc from IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
From Belinda: It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel. Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked. "Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage." --------------------- My DearWebby business cards have my mugshot on them. I have epoxied them onto every side of every piece of my laggage, computer and camera for the last twenty years. None of those have ever been taken by anybody else.
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Are PHP files dangerous? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Woke up to 10 cm (4") of snow!
I bet, that changed a few people's plans!

Vision in my right eye has returned to nearly the same as
it was before the injection, with the left one vision is like
through a glass of lemonade. 

Reading printed stuff is currently impossible, but luckily 
just about anythin on the web can be zoomed.

I read about the terrorist in France, who seems to be a 
two bit crook, who has been rejected by the French military, 
the French Foreign Legion, Pakistan and even Afghanistan.
He has once ben arrested and deported by Afghanistan 
back to France. That takes a very special kind of idiot!

What puzzles me is that the French Government has the 
terrorist surrounded with "hundreds of police and soldiers",
and the media is giving the cowardly loser all kinds of 
publicity. Why?

President Sarkozy, who seems to be leaning towards the far
right law and order parties in the current election campaign,
is getting about as much publicity as the terrorist. 

Like probably most of you, I can't see why they are negotiating 
with the terrorist.

Happy Birthday to Dianne, the lady who sends the Bonus links
every day. She is 29 and a bit today.

Today in 
1153 Treaty of Konstanz between Frederik I "Barbarossa" & Pope Eugene III 
1657 France & England form alliance against Spain; England gets Dunkirk 
1775 Patrick Henry proclaims "Give me liberty or give me death" 
1806 Lewis & Clark reach Pacific coast 
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph takes the throne of Spain 
1836 Coin Press invented by Franklin Beale 
1840 Draper takes 1st successful photo of the Moon
1858 Streetcar patented (Eleazer A Gardner of Philadelphia)
1861 London's 1st tramcars, designed by Mr Train of New York, begins operating 
1889 President Harrison opens Oklahoma for white colonization
1903 Wright brothers obtain airplane patent 
1910 1st race at Los Angeles Motordrome (1st US auto speedway) 
1912 Dixie Cup invented 
1918 Lithuania proclaims independence
1919 Benito Mussolini forms Fascist movement in Milan Italy
1919 Moscow's Politburo/Central Committee forms 
1929 1st telephone installed in White House 
1942 US move native-born of Japanese ancestry into concentration camps
1944 Nicholas Alkemade falls 5,500 meter without a parachute & lives  
1945 Largest operation in Pacific war, 1,500 US Navy ships 
    shell and bomb Okinawa. That must have been noisy! 
1957 US army sells last homing pigeons 
1972 Evil Knievel breaks 93 bones after successfully clearing 35 cars 
1980 Shah of Iran arrives in Egypt 
1987 US offers military protection to Kuwaiti ships in the Persian Gulf 
1994 Wayne Gretzky sets NHL record with 802 goals scored 
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. --- John Wilmont, Earl of Rochester Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Nick Diamos
Bob was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As he headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week asking for assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," was the astonished reply. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is the snake on fire?'"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Thanks to Dianne for this story: When I was a child my family used to sometimes take our vacations in British Columbia. We had a favorite place to visit, mostly because of the fine fishing. It was at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile wide. While we were around our campfire in the evening the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would also tell of the legends of the area. This one legend always stuck in my mind. It seemed that on this particular Lake two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at war with one another from years before. There was an Indian maiden in one camp who was in love with a young brave in the other camp. They used to stand, on the shore, each on their respective side of the lake, and chant Indian love calls to each other... even though they were warned by their chiefs that nothing could ever come of it. One day they just could not stand being apart any longer. That evening, on a cold spring night, they each jumped into the lake and swam towards each other in the moonlight. When they reached each other in the center of the lake, they embraced and got a bit carried away. They lost track of time, got hypothermia and drowned. This act so impressed the brave's tribe that they named the lake after the young man. I will never forget those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid".
Thanks to Lillemor for her orchid: Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lori Anne Sedlacek Becicka, 47 in Oxford, Iowa Teen Calls 911, Reports Mom As Drunk Driver MARCH 16--An Iowa woman was arrested for drunk driving last night after her 15-year-old daughter--who was a passenger in her mother’s car--called 911 to contemporaneously report that her parent was “impaired” behind the wheel. As a result, cops busted Lori Anne Sedlacek Becicka, a 47-year-old Oxford resident, for operating a vehicle under the influence, child endangerment, and resisting arrest, all misdemeanors. According to District Court criminal complaints, Becicka’s daughter, “who was in the car with her,” called 911 to “report defendant was impaired and driving.” A Johnson County Sheriff’s Office deputy subsequently contacted Becicka after she pulled her vehicle into a parking lot. Becicka, the cop reported, “smelled heavily of ingested alcohol. Her speech was slurred. Her eyes were bloodshot and watery.” The wobbly Becicka copped to drinking and failed a series of field sobriety tests. Additionally, a Breathalyzer test recorded her blood alcohol level at .235, nearly three times the state limit. Becicka’s daughter told Deputy Matt Hendricks that her mother “was even consuming while driving with her in the car.” The investigator reported discovering “open containers in the car.” Becicka was booked into the county jail following her 8:10 PM arrest.
Tech Support Pits: From: Clyde Re: PHP files Dear Webby I always start the day by viewing your Humor Letter. Nothing like starting the day right. I had to restore my old XP computer last year and had the files transferred to a new Windows 7 machine. In the restoration, I lost all the programs on the XP machine. I find I have some odd extensions on some files like .php and .mhp that will no longer open. When I go online, there are programs that I can download that supposedly will open or convert these files. I am afraid to downloading anything like that. Can you recommend any specific ones or ones to avoid? Clyde Dear Clyde PHP is a programming language. A PHP file CAN be OK, but it also CAN be extremely destructive. The only way to tell is to learm PHP, and look at those files in editing mode. You CAN safely look at them with a plain text or HTML editor, but unless you understand PHP, you won't be able to tell if the file is safe to run, or even keep on your machine. Unless one of those files is something, that you desperately need, I would recommend to dump them. Since you have managed fine without them, unless you want to risk losing the current machine like you lost the XP, I would recommend to dump them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change some- thing on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Rep told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens or the crystal... The bride said, "No, no, keep all that. I just want to change the name of the groom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Fitted Bassinet Sheet to Keep Car Seat Cool Here's an a-ha use for a white fitted bassinet sheet your child has outgrown: cover her dark car seat with it, while the car is parked, to keep it cool! A bassinet sheet fits nicely over a bigger kid's seat. I've googled for this and didn't find anything, which surprises me. By Gapotter from Raleigh, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A high school senior saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's calling and could she send her some information. The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a pause. Then she said, "You misspelled TEACH."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Matt for this story: How can you talk your way out of this one? Jacksonville, FL Police Dept. A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. Some time later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.
» Incredible Snow Forts:





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Bastards! 

The bastards have started again...
I had two Leaf Tickets lying on the dash of my truck,
some asshole broke in and left two more;
lock your car doors!




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Internet or Total protection 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 22

They injected Avastin into both eyes, and instead of covering
them up, which would have necessitated guiding me  down to
the parking lot, they simply put four more drops of dilater into
each eye, before they toldme to leave. 
I DID manage to get to the parking lot, but after that I had to
pull my cap over my eyes to shield them from the sunny 
daylight.. 

Barb drove me home, unlocked the door for me,and even 
undid the ties on my sneakers for me.

I can see about as well as before the procedure with my
right eye, but with the left one have major problems.
Hopefully that will straighten out soon!

Today in 
1421 Battle of Beauge-French beat British
1788 Fire destroyed 856 buildings in New Orleans LA
1804 French civil Code of Napoleon adopted
1824 Fire at Cairo ammunitions dump kills 4,000 horses
1843 Preacher William Miller of Massachusetts predicts
   the world will end today.
1851 Yosemite Valley discovered in California
1857 Earthquake hits Tokyo; about 107,000 die
1866 Congress authorizes national soldiers' homes
1907 US invades Honduras
1913 Flood in Ohio, kills 400
1918 During WWI Germany launches Somme offensive
1934 Fire destroys Hakodate Japan, killing about 1,500
1937 Ponce massacre, police kill 19 at Puerto Rican Nationalist parade
1939 Nazi-Germany demands Danzig back from Poland
1943 Assassination attempt on Hitler fails
1943 British 8th army opens assault on Mareth line, Tunisia
1945 During WWII Allied bombers begin 4-day raid over Germany
1951 2,900,000 US soldiers in Korea
1960 Sharpeville Massacre: Police kill 72 in South Africa & outlaws ANC
1968 Israeli forces cross Jordan River to attack PLO bases
1975 Ethiopia ends monarchy after 3000 years
1984 Part of Central Park is named Strawberry Fields honoring John Lennon
1984 Soviet sub crashes into USS aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk off Japan
1997 Wrestlemania XIII
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Things are only impossible until they're not. --- Jean-Luc Picard, 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially all those cute guys in their skintight pants, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents." "What on earth do you mean???" "Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Yes, OVER 750! Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal. "Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?" "Don't tell anyone," replied the Englishmen, "but we poached them out of the river." "How did you do that?" asked Donal "Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them." "We'll try that Michael me boy." says Donal They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael screams... "Quick pull me up, pull me up!" "Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal, "No," replies Michael "but there's a train coming."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brittany Glanville, 25 , not so drunk in this facebook picture Drunk and disorderly at 7-11 Bridgeton, N.J. (The Weekly Vice) - Brittany Glanville, a 25-year-old New Jersey woman was arrested Friday after she allegedly attacked a 7-Eleven employee because the store didn't have cooked sausages available. According to Bridgeton Police, officers were dispatched to an area 7-Eleven store after someone at the store set off an alarm. When officers arrived on the scene, Glanville was in the process of throwing something at the cashier. The cashier ducked and avoided getting nailed in the head. When officers entered the store, Glanville was attempting to climb over the counter to get at the cashier. Officers arrested Glanville and placed her into the back seat of a patrol car, however, she retaliated by attempting to kick out the vehicle's windows. The cashier told police Glanville became enraged when she discovered that there were no hot sausages ready on the store's hot dog cooker. Police believe Glandville was intoxicated because of her slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and odor of alcohol on her breath. She was charged with disorderly conduct and released.
Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Total Protection Dear Webby, Does a person need both the internet protection and total protection from McAfee? Cute picture in your newsletter today. I think giving the islands away is not right and could bring us trouble later. Thank you for all the computer hints but I love your whole letter. Keep on the road to recovery Thank you, Shirley Dear Shirley I use the Total protection. It includes the other one, and is good for three machines. The three machines do not need to be networked. That means you can sell two shares to relatives or friends on different continents. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
After church on Sunday morning, suddenly announced to mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell and get paid for it, than to sit still and yawn and having to fork over my change for it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Photos When Traveling My daughter's hobby is photography. On a recent vacation out west, she used the following tip to keep track of her photos. As we entered a new state, she would do one of the following: take a picture of the "Welcome to" state sign, take a picture of the road map for that state, or use sign language to indicate the initial of the state and take a picture of her hand. For example, she would make a signed "M" when we entered Montana and take a picture of that. Then she would know what state the next photos belonged in for her album. By skeesics56 from NW Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Classic, how Kissinger operated: Henry Kissinger goes to see a poor man and says, "I want to arrange a marriage for your son. "The poor man replies, "I never interfere in my son's life." Kissinger responds, "But the girl is Lord Rothscild's daughter." "Well, in that case..." Next Kissinger approaches Lord Rothschild. "I have a husband for your daughter." "But my daughter is too young to marry." "But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank." "Ah, in that case..." Finally Kissinger goes to see the president of the World Bank. "I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president." "But I already have more vice presidents than I need." "But this young man is Lord Rothschild's son-in-law." "Ah, in that case...."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ann for this: At my wedding I was amazed how well my mother controlled herself, until my grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing. After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied,"but I was just trying to get him to stop snoring."
» Amazing Photos:





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Not getting newsletters on Gmail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 21

Today in 
1421 Battle of Beauge-French beat British
1788 Fire destroyed 856 buildings in New Orleans LA
1804 French civil Code of Napoleon adopted
1824 Fire at Cairo ammunitions dump kills 4,000 horses
1843 Preacher William Miller of Massachusetts predicts
   the world will end today.
1851 Yosemite Valley discovered in California
1857 Earthquake hits Tokyo; about 107,000 die
1866 Congress authorizes national soldiers' homes
1907 US invades Honduras
1913 Flood in Ohio, kills 400
1918 During WWI Germany launches Somme offensive
1934 Fire destroys Hakodate Japan, killing about 1,500
1937 Ponce massacre, police kill 19 at Puerto Rican Nationalist parade
1939 Nazi-Germany demands Danzig back from Poland
1943 Assassination attempt on Hitler fails
1943 British 8th army opens assault on Mareth line, Tunisia
1945 During WWII Allied bombers begin 4-day raid over Germany
1951 2,900,000 US soldiers in Korea
1960 Sharpeville Massacre: Police kill 72 in South Africa & outlaws ANC
1968 Israeli forces cross Jordan River to attack PLO bases
1975 Ethiopia ends monarchy after 3000 years
1984 Part of Central Park is named Strawberry Fields honoring John Lennon
1984 Soviet sub crashes into USS aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk off Japan
1997 Wrestlemania XIII
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Things are only impossible until they're not. --- Jean-Luc Picard, 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
A guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially all those cute guys in their skintight pants, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents." "What on earth do you mean???" "Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Yes, OVER 750! Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal. "Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?" "Don't tell anyone," replied the Englishmen, "but we poached them out of the river." "How did you do that?" asked Donal "Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them." "We'll try that Michael me boy." says Donal They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael screams... "Quick pull me up, pull me up!" "Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal, "No," replies Michael "but there's a train coming."
Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brittany Glanville, 25 , not so drunk in this facebook picture Drunk and disorderly at 7-11 Bridgeton, N.J. (The Weekly Vice) - Brittany Glanville, a 25-year-old New Jersey woman was arrested Friday after she allegedly attacked a 7-Eleven employee because the store didn't have cooked sausages available. According to Bridgeton Police, officers were dispatched to an area 7-Eleven store after someone at the store set off an alarm. When officers arrived on the scene, Glanville was in the process of throwing something at the cashier. The cashier ducked and avoided getting nailed in the head. When officers entered the store, Glanville was attempting to climb over the counter to get at the cashier. Officers arrested Glanville and placed her into the back seat of a patrol car, however, she retaliated by attempting to kick out the vehicle's windows. The cashier told police Glanville became enraged when she discovered that there were no hot sausages ready on the store's hot dog cooker. Police believe Glandville was intoxicated because of her slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and odor of alcohol on her breath. She was charged with disorderly conduct and released.
Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Total Protection Dear Webby, Does a person need both the internet protection and total protection from McAfee? Cute picture in your newsletter today. I think giving the islands away is not right and could bring us trouble later. Thank you for all the computer hints but I love your whole letter. Keep on the road to recovery Thank you, Shirley Dear Shirley I use the Total protection. It includes the other one, and is good for three machines. The three machines do not need to be networked. That means you can sell two shares to relatives or friends on different continents. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
After church on Sunday morning, suddenly announced to mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell and get paid for it, than to sit still and yawn and having to fork over my change for it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Photos When Traveling My daughter's hobby is photography. On a recent vacation out west, she used the following tip to keep track of her photos. As we entered a new state, she would do one of the following: take a picture of the "Welcome to" state sign, take a picture of the road map for that state, or use sign language to indicate the initial of the state and take a picture of her hand. For example, she would make a signed "M" when we entered Montana and take a picture of that. Then she would know what state the next photos belonged in for her album. By skeesics56 from NW Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Classic, how Kissinger operated: Henry Kissinger goes to see a poor man and says, "I want to arrange a marriage for your son. "The poor man replies, "I never interfere in my son's life." Kissinger responds, "But the girl is Lord Rothscild's daughter." "Well, in that case..." Next Kissinger approaches Lord Rothschild. "I have a husband for your daughter." "But my daughter is too young to marry." "But this young man is already a vice president of the World Bank." "Ah, in that case..." Finally Kissinger goes to see the president of the World Bank. "I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president." "But I already have more vice presidents than I need." "But this young man is Lord Rothschild's son-in-law." "Ah, in that case...."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ann for this: At my wedding I was amazed how well my mother controlled herself, until my grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing. After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied,"but I was just trying to get him to stop snoring."
» Amazing Photos:





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Grandparent's Answering Machine 
At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep.

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
If you want to borrow the car, press 3
If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
If you want to come to eat here, press 8
If you need money, press 9
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!"

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How to restore the sroll bars in WORD 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 19

Obama's frantic war against energy self-sufficiency is taking
a really ugly turn. Now Obama’s State Department is giving away 
SEVEN strategic, resource-laden Alaskan islands to the Russians.
"Just oil, Republican fishermen, and birds there."

The seven endangered islands in the Arctic Ocean and Bering Sea 
include one the size of Rhode Island and Delaware combined. 
The Russians are also to get the tens of thousands of square miles 
of oil-rich seabeds surrounding the islands. 
The Department of Interior estimates hundreds of billions of 
barrels of oil are at stake.

The agreement was negotiated in total secrecy. 
The state of Alaska was not allowed to participate in the negotiations, 
nor was the public given any opportunity for comment. This is despite 
the fact the Alaska Legislature has passed resolutions of opposition – 
but the State Department doesn’t seem to care.

The imperiled Arctic Ocean islands include Wrangel, Bennett, 
Jeannette and Henrietta. 
Wrangel became American in 1881 with the landing of the U.S. 
Revenue Marine ship Thomas Corwin. The landing party included 
the famed naturalist John Muir. It is 3,000 square miles in size.

Due to inaction by the state department, Wrangel was declared
nature rpeserve by Russia and has a Russina park warden and 
about a dozen scientists living there in summer.
Hhere is a nice PDF about Wrangel Island.

Northwest of Wrangel are the DeLong Islands, named for 
George Washington DeLong, the captain of USS Jeannette. 
Also in 1881, he discovered and claimed these three islands 
for the United States. He named them for the voyage co-sponsor, 
New York City newspaper publisher James Gordon Bennett. 
The ship’s crew received a hero’s welcome back in Washington, 
and Congress awarded them gold medals.

In the Bering Sea at the far west end of the Aleutian chain are 
Copper Island, Sea Lion Rock and Sea Otter Rock. They were 
ceded to the U.S. in Seward’s 1867 treaty with Russia.

Aside from all the fishing companies and associated businesses
and all their employees, anybody with an IQ higher than a boiled
turnip can imagine the extreme strategic value of those islands.
Sure, we are at peace right now, but that is no reason to give
away those islands!

An old maritime agreement negotiated by the U.S. State Department 
set the Russian boundary on the other side of the disputed islands, 
but no treaty has ratified this action. Consequently, it is within the 
president’s power to stop this giveaway.

More about the giveaway are at Aware American

Today in 
0721 -BC- 1st recorded lunar eclipse; Location, Babylon
1571 Spanish troops occupy Manila
1628 Massachusetts colony founded by Englishmen 
1644 200 members of Peking imperial family/court commit suicide 
1702 James II's daughter Anne Stuart becomes queen of England
1748 English Naturalization Act passes granting Jews right to colonize US
1831 1st US bank robbery (City Bank, New York/$245,000) 
1883 Jan Matzeliger invents 1st machine to manufacture entire shoes
1885 Louis Riel returns to Canada, proclaims provisional government, Saskatchewan 
1915 Pluto photographed for 1st time (although unknown at the time) 
1918 Congress authorizes time zones & approves daylight saving time 
1920 US Senate rejects Treaty of Versailles for 2nd time
1927 Bloody battles between communists & Nazis in Berlin 
1931 Nevada legalizes gambling 
1940 Failed British air raid on German base at Sylt 
1942 FDR orders men between 45 & 64 to register for non military duty
1943 Airship Canadian Star torpedoed & sinks 
1945 800 killed as Kamikaze attacked USS Franklin off Japan 
1945 Adolf Hitler issues Nero Decree: destruction of German facilities 
1965 Indonesia nationalizes all foreign oil companies 
1968 Howard University students seize administration building
1969 British invade Anguilla
1987 PTL leader Jim Bakker resigns after sex scandal with Jessica Hahn 
1997 Supreme Court hears Internet indecency arguments 
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it. --- Benjamin Disraeli "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him." --- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
When my neighbor's 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. His mother was not so pleased. She turned turned her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Her mother smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember ...."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Yes, OVER 750! Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion. Then she gives him his opinion.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alan L.O'Neil Jailed After Jumping Off Bridge To Avoid DUI Arrest New Orleans, Louisiana - Thomas Robert Harter, a 44-year-old Louisiana man was jailed Sunday after he jumped off of a 20-foot bridge to avoid a DUI charge. Officers then had to rescue him from the chilly waters below. According to police, an officer pulled Harter over near the Causeway Bridge outside of New Orleans after the officer noticed that he was speeding and driving erratically. When Harter exited the vehicle and put his hands in the air, the officer smelled alcohol on his breath. When the officer asked Harter for his driver's license, Harter handed him a pile of loose papers and CD's from inside the vehicle. The officer had just initiated a field sobriety test on Harter when he suddenly ran to the edge of the bridge then jumped off. He landed in Lake Pontchartrain, which was approximately 20 feet below. Rescuers called the scene found him clinging to a utility structure at the base of the bridge. Temperatures were about 60 degrees that day with wind gusts of up to 20 miles per hour. Harter was thrown a life preserver and pulled to safety. Detectives soon learned why Harter attempted to flee. This was his eighth DUI arrest since 1992. Harter was booked into jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, resisting arrest, and careless driving. He is currently being held in lieu of $15,000 bond. Due to the frequency of his DWIs, he is now facing a third-offense (habitual violators) charge. If convicted, he could face a two-year license suspension and possible confiscation of his vehicle.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: How do Iget the scroll bar back in WORD? Dear Webby, In Microshaft Word (97 version), I have lost my scroll/slider bar on the right side of the window that allows me to go up and down in the document. Thankful for wheel mice or I wouldn't be able to do any reasonable editing. Any ideas on how to get it back? John=== Dear John To display or hide scroll bars On the Tools menu, click Options, and then click the View tab. Under Show, select or clear the Horizontal scroll bar and Vertical scroll bar check boxes. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are only 1/100th of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "That would be about four slices of roast beef in the deli where I worked."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spice Up Your Coffee With Cinnamon Stick Give yourself a no-calorie treat by adding a drop of quality real vanilla to your coffee. A sprinkle of cinnamon powder or pumpkin pie spice can also be added for those wanting a spicier fare. Also, instead of buying chocolate coffee creamer, you can use plain chocolate syrup that you may already have in your fridge to your coffee along with a bit of cream. Another favorite of mine is to add a tablespoon of Tang to my coffee. This reminds me of the coffee served with orange zest I was once served at a fancy coffee bar back in the early 70's (before there was Starbucks). For an extra-special treat, turn your coffee into a dessert, by adding a squirt of whipped cream. A great way to use canned whipped cream left over from potlucks and family get-togethers. By Cyinda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A friend, a long time divorcee, never remarried, and her daughter wanted to know why. "The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the marriage and I simply don't want to put up with it," she explained. Taking her mother's hand in hers, my friend's daughter said sweetly, "I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but you're not exactly carry-on yourself."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Armand for this: After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes." "Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly. The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears."
» Amazing Photos:





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How to make the sign for MICRO 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 18

Today in 
1167 Battle of El-Babein, Egypt: Franks under Amalrik vs Syrians 
1190 Crusaders kill 57 Jews in Bury St Edmonds England
1229 German emperor Frederick II crowns himself king of Jerusalem 
1532 English parliament bans payments by English church to Rome 
1673 Lord Berkley sells his half of New Jersey to the Quakers 
1773 Oliver Goldsmith' "She Stoops to Conquer" premieres in London 
1793 2nd Battle at Neerwinden: Austria army beats France 
1818 Congress approves 1st pensions for government service 
1834 1st railroad tunnel in US completed, in Pennsylvania (275 meter long) 
1890 1st US state naval militia organized (Massachusetts)
1891 Britain is linked to the continent by Telephone 
1895 200 blacks leave Savannah GA for Liberia 
1902 Enrico Caruso becomes 1st well-known performer to make a record 
1911 North Dakota enacts a hail insurance law 
1914 White Wolf gang beats government army in Jingdezhen China 
1915 Failed British attack in Dardanelles
1915 French battleship Bouvet explodes, 640 killed 
1915 Turkey's Canakkale (Trojan) Sea Victory against allied 
  powers(USA, Australia, England, Italy) during First World War
1921 2nd Peace of Riga, Poland enlarged. Germany shrunk
1921 Steamer "Hong Kong" runs aground off Swatow China killing 1,000 
1931 1st electric shavers go on sale in US (Schick) 
1937 Gas explosion in school in New London TX; 296 die 
1940 Mussolini joins Hitler in Germany's war against France & Britain 
1943 Red Army evacuates Belgorod
1944 2,500 women trample guards & floorwalkers to purchase 
  1,500 alarm clocks announced for sale in a Chicago IL department store
1944 Nazi Germany occupies Hungary 
1945 1,250 US bombers attack Berlin
1952 Communist offensive in Korea 
1959 President Dwight D Eisenhower signs Hawaii statehood bill 
1961 Poppin' Fresh Pillsbury Dough Boy introduced 
1962 Algerian War ends after 7½ years of fighting (250,000 die), 
         Ben Bella flees 
1963 France performs underground nuclear test at Ecker Algeria 
1966 Scott Paper begins selling paper dresses for $1
1968 Congress repeals requirement for a gold reserve 
1970 Mail service paralyzed by 1st major postal strike 
1974 Most Arab oil producing nations end embargo against US
1975 Kurds end fight against Iraqi army
1977 US restricts citizens from visiting Cuba, Vietnam, N Korea & Cambodia
1977 Vietnam hands over MIA to US 
1978 250,000 attend rock concert Jam II in Ontario CA
1979 Battles between Kurds & Iranians break in Sananday Iran 
1990 1st free elections in East Germany, Conservatives beat Communists 
1992 Leona Helmsley sentence to 4 years for tax evasion
1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor files for bankruptcy 
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. --- Kati "Genius without education is like silver in the mine." --- Benjamin Franklin
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not"
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Yes, OVER 750! Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough" The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alan L.O'Neil Facebook 'friend' offer exposes man's other wife SEATTLE (AP) — A corrections officer is facing bigamy charges after authorities said a Washington woman using Facebook discovered that she and a potential "friend" were married to him at the same time. According to charging documents filed Thursday, Alan L. O'Neill married a woman in 2001, moved out in 2009, changed his name and remarried without divorcing her. The first wife first noticed O'Neill had moved on to another woman when Facebook suggested the friendship connection to wife No. 2 under the "People You May Know" feature. Wifwe #1 had been arrested once for beating up the woman, whom she saw cutting a wedding cake with her escaped hubby. Wife No. 1 then called the defendant's mother. "An hour later the defendant arrived at (Wife No. 1's) apartment, and she asked him several times if they were divorced," court records show. "The defendant said, 'No, we are still married.'" Neither O'Neill nor his first wife had filed for divorce, according to charging documents. The name change came in December, and later that month he married his second wife. O'Neill allegedly told wife No. 1 not to tell anybody about his dual marriages, that he would fix it, the documents state. But wife No. 1, probably still annoyed about her arrest, alerted authorities. O'Neill, 41, was previously known as Alan Fulk. He has worked as a Pierce County corrections officer for five years, sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer said. He was placed on administrative leave after prosecutors charged him Thursday. He could face up to a year in jail if convicted. O'Neill and his first wife had issues that went back to 2009. In 2010, his first wife was arrested after an altercation with the woman who later became the second wife, and who she recognized instantly whe she saw her picture on Facebook. O'Neill is free, but due in court later this month, which is standard procedure for non-violent crimes, Lindquist said. "About the only danger he would pose is marrying a third woman," he said. Basically, all he really did was trying to cheat a divorce attorney out of the income from a proper divorce.
Tech Support Pits: From: Fergie Re: How do I type the symbol for Micro? Dear Webby How do I type the symbol for Micro, the U with a long leg on the left side? Fergie Dear Fergie µ is easy on a regular keyboard. Hold down the ALT key. and thype 0181 on the numeric keyppad. If you are on a laptop, copy the µ from here onto a "cheat-sheet", a plain text file, that you can bring up with a short-cut icon. You can copy all kinds of characters and formulas and conversion factors onto your cheat sheet and have them handy, when you need them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they would not have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled down on the handle and haven't seen them since. It rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket for you. The family is fine. Your father, he has a lovely job. He has about 500 men under him. He is cutting grass down at the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet whether it's a girl or a boy so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. We got a bill from the funeral home the other day. They said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. Billy Bob was driving and Willie and Joe was in the back. Billy Bob got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, it seems they couldn't get the tailgate down. Your Uncle Leroy fell in a whiskey vat at the place where he worked. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off before he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Not much more news this time. Nothin' much happened. Write more often. Love, Mom P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoid Cleaning Chemicals With Microfiber I just purchased microfiber towels and a microfiber mop and I love them. You use the towels to clean almost anything without chemicals. Use them slightly wet to clean countertops, your stove, the bathroom sink, etc. I have never been able to get the shower glass to look clean. This works great, I just follow the wet towel with a dry one. Same with windows. NO chemicals. The mop came with a dust mop and a wet mop. You wet mop, with no chemicals and it drys fast! I love them and no wasting paper towels to clean with, and when you are through just throw in the washing machine. Source: QVC.com. By Greyroma from Oklahoma City I have used MicroFiber cloths since the early 90's. You can most definitely use soaps with them! Spraying a mist of citrus cleaner onto the floor and then mopping it with a damp Micro Fiber cloth or mop produces a perfect shine. You can wash them in the washing machine, but afterwards hang them on the line to dry. Don't ever dry them in a dryer, when there are Bounty or similar anti-static liquids or sheets involved. After that, they are just ordinary rags. I also use small Microfiber towels to wipe down drops off me after a shower, and then use the regular towel just to invigorate the near dry skin. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "Can you name our nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." When asked what "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
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No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A father in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, makes a turn at a red light where it isn't allowed. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "That's OK Dad," the son says, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
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How to fix Gmail hotkeys 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 17

Happy St Patrick's Day

Today in 
0432 St Patrick, a bishop, is carried off to Ireland as a slave 
0455 Roman senator Petronius Maximus becomes Emperor
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovers the Philippines
1521 Magelhaes lands on Homohon 
1753 1st official St Patrick's Day 
1755 Transylvania Land Co buys Kentucky for $50,000 from a Cherokee chief
1756 St Patrick's Day 1st celebrated in NYC at Crown & Thistle Taver
1762 1st St Patrick's Day parade in NYC
1776 British forces evacuate Boston to Nova Scotia during Revolutionary War
1800 English warship Queen Charlotte catches fire; 700 die
1804 Johann von Schiller's "Wilhelm Tell" premieres 
1836 Texas abolishes slavery
1861 Italy declares independence; Kingdom of Italy proclaimed 
1894 US & China sign treaty preventing Chinese laborers from entering US
1898 1st practical submarine 1st submerges, New York NY
1919 Dutch steel workers strike for 8 hour day & minimum wages 
1919 Dutch steel workers strike for 8 hour day & minimum wages 
1921 Sailors revolt in Kronstadt (thousands die) 
1924 Netherlands & USSR begin talks over USSR recognition
1924 Sweden & USSR exchange diplomats 
1926 Spain & Brazil prevent Germany joining League of Nations
1927 US government doesn't sign league of Nations disarmament treaty
1929 General Motors acquires German auto manufacturer Adam Opel 
1931 Stalin throws Lenin out of Central Committee
1932 German police raid Hitler's Nazi-headquarter 
1950 Element 98 (Californium) announced 
1955 Maurice "Rocket" Richard suspended, sparks 7 hour riot in Montréal 
1957 Dutch ban on Sunday driving lifted 
1959 Dalai Lama flees Tibet for India 
1960 Eisenhower forms anti-Castro-exile army under the CIA 
1963 Eruptions of Mount Agung Bali, kills 1,500 Balinese 
1966 US sub locates missing H-bomb in Mediterranean 
1987 IBM releases PC-DOS version 3.3
2012  smiled.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy."John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only... Smith, Jones, Baker... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." ------------------- Yeah, I remember Mr Robertson, and his shiny shoes. The ONLY shiny shoes in the company, until the mysterious, never drying mud puddle appeared around his designated parking spot. If he is still there, I wonder who is watering the mud puddle every night nowadays.
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much t he clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers." And the congregation said, "amen."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Yes, OVER 750! Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." Once upon a time, that would have gotten him off with a warning.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Holly Lopez, 32 Teacher - Charged With Having Sex With Two Students This seems to be the season of gossiping boys! Austin, TX (The Weekly Vice) - Holly Lopez, a 32-year-old special education teacher at Lexington Middle School was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a 13-year-old student and his 14-year-old friend. According to police, an investigation was launched after one of the boys contacted police stating that he was beginning to feel weird about a sexual encounter that involved his teacher. Apparently her sex was worse than her math. Investigators say the student had been going to see Lopez on a regular basis for help with math. On February 11, the student and a friend was at his father's house when Lopez began texting back and forth with both boys. After texting for a short time, the teacher told the boys that she was headed over to the student's house. Lopez allegedly arrived at the boy's home with several condoms. The teacher and both boys then went into a bedroom and engaged in sex. During a police interview, the victim was able to identify several intimate tattoos on Lopez' body. Lopez was booked into jail and charged with improper relationship between educator and student and aggravated sexual assault. Her bond has been set at 100,000. This has been going on for millienna, but teachers used to be smart enough to select boys, who could keep a secret.
Tech Support Pits: From: Colleen Re: Gmail hotkeys not working Dear Webby I am, or I should say, I WAS using hotkeys to weed out my Gmail, but lately the key I assigned for "Move to trash" is not working any more. Even restoring it to the original "#" did not help. How can that be fixed? Colleen Dear Colleen It is a bug in Gmail. However, if you tell Gmail to revert to the old style, and then from there revert to the new style, the chosen hot key for deleting selected mails mysteriously works again. Nobody knows why. You CAN use your choice of key for that, no need to use the awkward "#". Personally, I use the "!" to select all on a page, after going to the "Oldest", and then the "`", to the left of the exclamation mark, for deleting the selected 100 mails. By doing that whenever I am on hold on the phone, I keep my Gmail nice and trim and fast. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Collect Newspaper Comics for a Gift This is a good idea for a winter holiday or birthday gift. Comics taken from the newspapers and cut out each day. Paste onto printing paper and put in a 3 ring binder from the dollar store. It makes an inexpensive book of comics for a person's favorite comic strip. Or better yet, find an online archive of their favorite comic, and save the comics in order. Garfield.com has a vault that archives every comic ever published. Screen grabs of those put on a CD or printed out (there's a print option) would make a good gift, too. By hyena cub from Omaha, NE Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad... " "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, you had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad...." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep with Daddy." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
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