How to replace worn off Laptop keyboard Lettering 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1421 Dikes at Dort Holland breaks, 100,000 drown
1492 Christopher Columbus signs contract with Spain to find the Indies
1521 Martin Luther is excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church 
1524 Giovanni Verrazano, a florentine navigator, discovers New York Bay
1711 Charles VI Habsburg becomes king of Austria 
1808 Napoleon orders seizure of US ships 
1824 Russia abandons all North American claims south of 54º 40' N 
1861 Virginia become 8th state to secede 
1939 Stalin signs British-France-Russian anti-nazi pact 
1941 British troops land in Iraq and Yugoslavia; surrender to Nazi's 
1945 8th Air Force bombs Dresden for 3 days
1946 Syria declares independence from French administration
1961 1,400 Cuban exiles land in Bay of Pigs attempt to overthrow Castro
1964 Ford Mustang formally introduced ($2368 base) 
1967 Surveyor 3 launched; soft lands on Moon, April 20
1975 Khmer Rouge captures Phnom Penh, Cambodia
1982 Canada adopts its constitution 
1983 India entered space age launching SLV-3 rocket
1997 John Bell, 115, recieves new pacemaker 
2012  smiled


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Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --- Samuel Johnson
Bob was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
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Bob sets up his friend Mike to go on a blind date with his cousin. Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be with her all night." "Don't worry," Bob says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake a heart attack." That night Mike knocks at the girl's door. When she comes out he is awe-struck at how hot and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly grabs for her chest and lets out a loud ... "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
Click on the picture for the large version Iceland Northern Fjallabak
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lawrence Deptola, 49, of Cottage Place in Utica, NY Man attempted to rob three banks with a toilet plunger A Utica man faces felony charges. Police say he attempted to rob three different banks armed with a toilet plunger. Surveillance photos captured the suspect entering the Key Bank on Genesee Street Thursday afternoon. Around 1:30 Thursday afternoon, Utica Police responded to the Key Bank for a report of an attempted robbery. Officers also were contacted by two other banks that said the man had also entered there and demanded money. Bank employees say he came in started yelling obscenities, telling them to put money in a bag. Police say he threatened the tellers with the plunger. Officers in an unmarked car responded to the scene and saw the suspect walking away. When the suspect saw the officers, he ran. Police caught up with him and took him into custody. Lawrence Deptola, 49, of Cottage Place in Utica is charged with attempted robbery, a class "E" felony. The plunger was recovered inside Citizen's Bank.
Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: Laptop keyboard lettering Dear Webby The white lettering on my laptop keyboard is coming off. Is there a way to replace it???? Robert Dear Robert You can try Letraset and then seal it with a drop of marine spar varnish or clear nail polish. You can get letraset at art supply stores. They are getting away from clean industrial fonts and drifting to artsy-fartsy stuff, but one or tow of their fonts are usable. The alternative is to get a super-fine Nissen paint marker. They are actually made for industrial use in machine shops and welding shops for lay-out and identifying pieces, and the paint is extremely durable. You can order them online at Nissen Markers. Depending on the size you get, they are $4 - $6 each. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?" The student said, "Every word of it." The professor said, "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Poe. However, all these books here say you are dead. Since I can not correct all the books about you, .... Which way would you like to die ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Craft Patterns I love to sew, but one thing I don't like is trying to get the pattern pieces back into those little envelopes that have the pattern in it originally. I knew I had to do something. I went to an office supply store and bought some cheap file folders. I sew them along the sides then cut the pattern envelope to the size of the file folder and tape or glue it on the outside. It is so much easier to fold the pattern pieces to fit the file folder. I bought a file cabinet at an auction for $1.00 and I was set. No more frustration. By Carole from Klamath, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man spent several hours enduring long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles. On his way home, he stopped to pick up a gift for his son. He selected a baseball bat. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash!" the man snapped, then apologizing for his rudeness, he explained, "I've just spent the entire afternoon at the Motor Vehicle office." "I understand," the clerk replied, and then asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or ... are you going back there?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?" Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots, Bobo, and if you can count that high, count them yourself!"
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"e" symbol on European packages 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 16

The Enemy Times blares in their headlines:
"Suicide bombers and gunmen struck the Afghan capital and
three provinces in a clear attempt to erode confidence in
NATO and Afghan military gains."

I would say Bull Sheet!

They are not trying to send a message like that at all.
The Taliban would prefer it, if the NATO troops went elsewhere.
It's simply time for the traditional spring "offensive", 
that goes back to long before NATO arrived there.
Once upon a time, the CIA supplied them with ammo to shoot
at the Russians during the spring event, now it is the other way
around. 

Apparently it is very noisy there in spring.
NATO troops are sitting back and watching the festivities,
and hoping the Afghan Government will ask them to participate.
So far they haven't. 

Even though the Taliban and the Afghan forces and police are
using up ammo in record amounts, so far the spring offensive
has only caused 14 injuries amongst police and 11 amongst 
civilians. Keep in mind, Taliban are not uniformed. They count
as civilians, unless they are holding a gun.

With the amount of ammo being expended, and the skills of the
participants, or lack thereof, those injuries are quite likely 
not caused by enemies. That is to be expected during 
spring break events, ahem, the Spring Offensive!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1346 King Stefanus IX of Serbia proclaims himself czar of Greece 
1521 Martin Luther arrives at Diet of Worms 
1705 Queen Anne of England knights Isaac Newton at Trinity College 
1724 1st Easter observed 
1861 US President Abraham Lincoln outlaws business with confederate states 
1862 Slavery abolished in District of Columbia 
1866 Nitroglycerine at Wells Fargo & Company office explodes 
1908 Natural Bridges National Monument established (Lake Powell UT)
1917 Lenin returns to Russia to start Bolshevik Revolution
1938 Great-Britain recognizes Italian annexation of Abyssinia
1939 Stalin requests British, French & Russian anti-nazi pact 
1942 Japanese occupying army on Java installs film censorship 
1946 1st US launch of captured V-2 rocket, White Sands NM; 8 km altitude 
1947 Massive explosion & fire kills 500 in Texas City TX 
1953 British royal yacht Britannica taken out of service 
1956 1st solar powered radios go on sale 
1962 Brazil nationalizes US businesses 
1979 Failed Palestinian attack on Zaventem Airport in Belgium
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaims Canada's new constitution 
2012  smiled


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Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long. --- Leonard Bernstein Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. --- Jon Lithgow 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. --- Niels Bohr "Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." --- Frank Leahy
>From Judy "I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I'm like, 'I'm in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you! I want to bear your kids!' They usually reply with such bland and unromatic stuff like, 'Ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'm outta here.'"
Knitting For Profit An Exciting New Book That Shows Step-by-step How To Make Money From Knitting Or Crochet. Great For Home-based Business And Work-at-home Mums, And Learning How To Turn A Hobby Into Real Cash Income! No knitting patterns, but REAL step by step business plans and complete business advice!

Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture by her friend Brenda Click on the picture for the large version Near Tucson, AZ
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Teresa Agayo, 46, Costa Mesa, California Jailed After Beating Store Clerk Over Bottle Of Beer Teresa Aguayo, a 46-year-old Orange County woman was jailed Sunday after she attacked a store clerk because the store couldn't sell her an individual bottle of beer. Teresa Aguayo, 46, is being held on suspicion of attempted murder. Costa Mesa police say Aguayo attacked a clerk at the California Stop, 600 W. 19th Street in Costa Mesa, Sunday afternoon after she refused to sell the woman one bottle of beer. California Stop does not sell single beers, according to officials. Aguayo proceeded to hit the clerk on the head with the bottle and then tried to strangle her with a blanket, officials said. Police say Aguayo also rubbed acetone, bug spray and rubbing alcohol in the clerk’s face during the attack. The female clerk was taken to a local hospital for observation. Aguayo is being held on $500,000 bail at an Orange County jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Euro symbol versus beat up "e" Dear Webby On items from Europe I see a symbol that looks like a slightly beat up "e", but the same size as a CAP letter. Is that a lazy form for the Euro symbol, or what is it? Ron Dear Ron Europeans tend to get snotty about you calling it an "e", as if you had called the Pi symbol "the little milking stool". The "beat up e" is the ESTIMATED symbol. The Estimated symbol indicates that at some time in history the contents should have weighed about what is indicated on the package. That is not to be construed, that it has actually been weighed, just that the package designer has ESTIMATED, that the contents should weigh about that much. It is often fairly close, but when they use the symbol, you can't sue them about small differences. It also comes into play with pasta. They use a certain number of, for example, Lasagna noodles. They are not going to file down a noodle, or add a splinter of one to make the weight closer to what the package says. With the symbol, it is close enough. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Cut Flowers Last Longer To prolong the life of cut flowers in a vase, add a couple of drops of chlorine bleach. Never submerse any of the stem with leaves in the water. It adds to the decay factor. By Teresa from Vine Grove, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In primitive society, when privileged members dressed funky, beat the ground with clubs and yelled and screamed, it was called witchcraft; today, it is called golf.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Klopman."
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How to create new PDF files without Adobe 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, April 15
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1250 Pope Innoncent III refuses Jews of Cordova Spain to build a synagogue 
1450 French defeat English at Battle of Formigny in 100 Years' War 
1493 Columbus meets with King Ferdinand & Queen Isabella
1738 Bottle opener invented
1776 Duchess of Kingston found guilty of bigamy 
1800 James Ross discovers North Magnetic pole
1858 Battle of Azimghur, Mexicans defeat Spanish loyalists
1864 General Steeles' Union troops occupies Camden AR 
1878 Harley Procter introduces Ivory Soap
1892 General Electric Company forms
1900 An early 50 mile race is won by an electric car in over 2 hour
1912 Titanic sinks at 2:27 AM in North Atlantic as the band plays on
1941 1st helicopter flight of 1 hour duration, Stratford CT 
1948 1st Jewish-Arab military battle, Arabs defeated 
1952 1st B-52 prototype test flight
1952 Franklin National Bank issues 1st bank credit card
1955 Ray Kroc starts the McDonald's chain of fast food restaurants (Illinois) 
1959 Fidel Castro begins US goodwill tour 
1962 US national debt above $300,000,000,000 (1/3 Trillion)
1970 Libyan leader Qadhafi launches "Green Revolution" 
1986 US air raids Libya, responding to La Belle disco, Berlin bombing 
1989 95 crushed to death at Sheffield Soccer Stadium in England 
1989 Students in Beijing pro-democracy protests 
1992 Billionaire Leona Helmsley is sent to jail for tax evasion
2012  smiled


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Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. --- Albert Camus Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge. --- Scott Adams
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!"
Nobody was interested in the 100 book cook book library. Let's try this:
Knitting For Profit An Exciting New Book That Shows Step-by-step How To Make Money From Knitting Or Crochet. Great For Home-based Business And Work-at-home Mums, And Learning How To Turn A Hobby Into Real Cash Income! No knitting patterns, but REAL step by step business plans and complete business advice!

Thanks to Merryl for this: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those things, I would have used them by now." The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Near Tucson
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Edith Shellow, 39 in Macon, Georgia Jailed After Stabbing Husband In Groin With Screwdriver, Beating Him With Wrench Macon, Ga. (The Weekly Vice) - Edith Shellow, a 39-year-old Georgia woman was jailed Sunday after she stabbed her husband in the genitals with a screwdriver, then beat him in the head with a big wrench. According to Macon Police, Shellow and her husband were involved in an argument Sunday when the dispute turned decidedly violent. Investigators say Edith Shellow charged towards her husband with a pair of scissors. Her husband reportedly grabbed the scissors and attempted to call 911. While the husband was dialing the phone, Shellow reportedly called for her daughter to help restrain her husband while striking him in the face and head with a big wrench. The husband was defending himself from the daughter, when Shellow grabbed a Phillips screwdriver and stabbed him in the groin. When the husband asked to be taken to a hospital, Edith Shellow grabbed a baseball bat and threatened to beat him with it if he attempted to leave the room. She eventually took him to a hospital at about 3 a.m. the next morning. Edith Shellow was arrested at her home later the same day. She was booked into the Bibb County Jail on a charge of aggravated assault/domestic violence. Her bond was set at $9,550. Shellow's daughter was also arrested, but was not charged with a crime. Ordering her to get involved in the violence would be considered "Mob Action" in some states, but not necessarily in Georgia.
Tech Support Pits: From: Pattie Re: How do I create new PDF files? Dear Webby Is there an easy way to convert regular docs, written with an ordinary word processor, into PDF files, that can not be easily changed and ripped off? Pattie Dear Pattie Just use Open Office. It does have a standard word porcessor, and also can pick up files, that were written with other word processors. In Open Office Write, you simply hit FILE, EXPORT TO PDF choose a file name and hit OK. That is all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth Fury!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Can for Filling Freezer Bags I just made a discovery and have got to share it. I have been wishing for a gadget to hold my Zip Lock Freezer Bag open while I fill it. I thought about the tin can and went to my recycling bin and pulled out a 28 oz. Hunt's Tomato can. I cut the bottom out, washed it good and gave it a try. It works great and makes putting stuff in the bag much easier. It fits perfectly down into the quart size bag and can be used on the gallon size bag also. This can will go in my utility drawer now. By Betty from NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After being with his blind date all evening, Sean couldn't takeanother minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The clinic down the road from here finally decided to get a computer. Their bookkeeper was making so many errors, they figured they better get a computer to blame them on.
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How to edit PDF without Adobe 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, April 14

On my walk to the post office today it was nice and sunny,
with the sky in the West clear, but stormy clouds everywhere 
else. About half way there I noticed some rain drops!
It felt quite neat, feeling the warm sun on my face, and 
cool rain drops on top of my head.

The rain drops were sparse enough, so that they did not 
really wet the road or sidewalk. They showed briefly, but
evaporated in a few seconds. I quite enjoyed it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1536 English king Henry VIII expropriate minor monasteries
1614 Pocahontas, daughter of chief Powhatan, marries planter John Rolfe 
1756 Governor Glen of South Carolina protests against 900 Acadia Indians
1792 France declares war on Austria, starting French Revolutionary Wars
1799 Napoleon called for establishing Jerusalem for Jews
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria in the Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria
1814 Napoleon banished to Elba
1828 18-gun sloop "Acorn" sinks off Halifax with 115 men aboard 
1860 1st Pony Express rider arrives in San Francisco CA from St Joseph MO 
1863 William Bullock patents continuous-roll printing press
1865 President Abraham Lincoln shot in Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth 
1871 Canada sets denominations of currency as dollars, cents, & mills 
1872 Dominion Lands Act passed-Canada's Homestead Act 
1894 1st public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope (moving pictures) 
1903 Dr Harry Plotz discovers vaccine against typhoid
1909 Anglo-Persian Oil Company forms in London
1912 The Titanic strikes iceberg off the coast of Halifax, Nova Scotia
1914 Stacy G Carkhuff patents non-skid tire pattern 
1931 Spain becomes republic with overthrow of King Alfonso XIII 
1935 Sandstorm ravages US midwest (Dust Bowl) 
1940 Allied troops land in Norway 
1940 RCA demonstrates its new electron microscope in Philadelphia
1941 1st massive German raid in Paris France, 3,600 Jews rounded up
1941 King Peter leaves Yugoslavia 
1945 American B-29 incendiary raids on Tokyo damage the Imperial Palace
1948 A flash of light is observed in the crater Plato on the Moon
1953 Viet-Minh offensive in Laos
1956 Ampex Corp demonstrates 1st commercial videotape recorder 
1958 Sputnik 2 (with dog Laika) burns up in atmosphere 
1961 1st live television broadcast from the Soviet Union
1961 Cuban-American invasion army departs Nicaragua 
1967 In the Vietnam War, US planes bomb Haiphong for 1st time 
1971 Supreme Court upheld busing as means of achieving racial desegregation 
1978 Korean Air Lines Boeing 707, fired on by Soviets, crashes in Russia
1980 1st Cubans of the Mariel boatlift sail to Florida 
1981 1st Space Shuttle-Columbia 1-returns to Earth 
1986 US aircraft tested in bombing 5 locations in Libya after 
   non-stop flight from US (with aerial refueling, and landing in England afterwards.
1988 USSR, US, Pakistan & Afghanistan sign Afghanistan treaty
1989 1,100,000,000th Chinese born
1992 UN-imposed embargo against Libya takes effect
2012  smiled


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Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. --- Thomas Sowell
A young guide took a man hunting. The man got a good share of ground squirrels but, unhappy with the lack of real sport, said, "Young fella, take me where there's some action. There's some danger in going after cougar, or puma, or bear." The young man said, "If you're looking for danger, you ought to go out hunting with my dad. Last week he shot my uncle."
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

When I was in Navy boot camp, we were required to write home once a week. My mother promised return letters from the family. The best one I received was from my kid brother. "Hi," he wrote. "I miss you very much. I have to do the dishes every night."
Click on the picture for the large version Iguazu Falls
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Megan Denman, 29, in Fresno, California 5th Fresno teacher in 8 month jailed after Sex With Student Fresno, Calif. (The Weekly Vice) - Megan Denman, a 29-year-old teacher at Hoover High School in Fresno has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to Fresno police, Denman performed oral sex on and slept with a student under the age of 18. Denman has been placed on paid administrative leave by school officials while the investigation continues. Denman, who also assists as a cheerleading coach at the school, was reportedly married just 18 months ago. She was booked into the Fresno County Jail on charges of sex with a minor and oral sex with a person under the age of 18. She was released after posting $55,000 bail. There definitely seems to be a trend showing recently. Recently married teachers pick on gossipy students for extra sex. Sex between teachers and students has been going on for thousands of years, but in the past, nobody talked.
Tech Support Pits: From: Maurice Re: Can you edit PDF files? Dear Webby Is it possible to edit PDF files without shelling out $900 for that Adobe program? I just need to fill out forms, that are in PDF, so that I can fax them back from the computer. Maurice Dear Maurice Yes, sure you can! I use PDF Exchange from Tracker. They have a free version, which is mainly a viewer, but lets you do some basic editing. The more advanced versions give you complete control of PDF files, as if you had them in a word processor. One word of caution, though, the program has been written in England, and you might find the top menu not very intuitive. It works, but takes some getting used to. Just like electro-mechanics cuss about "weird limey logic" when working on British equipment, you might be doing some cussing until you get the hang of it. One tip, to enter data into a spot on a PDF form, you don't click on "EDIT" or "INSERTt", but on "TYPEWRITER". Weird, by our logic, but it does work! However, to paste a transparent background GIF picture with your signature, there you use EDIT, PASTE. You can then grab the corners of the signature picture and stretch or squish it to fit. If you have to fill out a big stack of forms, you will get used to the British logic soon, and even get fast at it. However, if you use the program only at tax time, make a text file with notes and tips in YOUR words, so that you can refresh your knowledge next year at this time with a minimum of cussing. For Home use you can now get PDF-XChange Lite for FREE. Just download it and start using it. If you need more features, buy the PRO license and unlock the already installed PRO features. That company has recently moved to Vancouver Island in BC, but the program is still unmistakenly British. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter Soviet offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten. So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable. The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Eggs Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now. I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons. I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined. I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp. of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg). Freeze them until solid, then transfer the cubes to a freezer bag for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag. When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the refrigerator. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. Common sign in Arizona. If you don't see the sign in or before a dip, wait for some silly tourist to try driving through. and take pictures. Other funny signs: Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A beautiful young lady arrived breathlessly at the church, jsut as the congregation was rushing to their cars. "Is - m - ass - out?" she panted to one of the slower dowagers. "No, child, but your skirt IS a little short," she replied. Her well-endowed sister tried to enter the church the following week and was refused by one of the ushers because he felt she wasn't properly attired. "But, I have a divine right!" she argued. The usher answered, "And your left isn't bad either, but you can't come in here unless you cover them up a bit more." That usher got fired that day.
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How do you set up a Signature Block in Windows Live Mail 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Snow again, but first it rained a bit. I have a hunch by
Sunday I'll see the first daffodils!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0837 Best view of Halley's Comet in 2000 years
1204 Crusaders occupy, sack and plunder Constantinople
1556 Portuguese Marranos who revert back to Judaism burned by order of Pope 
1741 Dutch people protest bad quality of bread
1860 1st Pony Express reaches Sacramento CA 
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederates
1869 Steam power brake patented (George Westinghouse) 
1902 JC Penney opens his 1st store in Kemmerer WY 
1941 Russian-Japan no-attack treaty goes into effect 
1943 Nazi's discover mass grave of Polish officers near Katyn
1944 South Carolina rejects black suffrage
1945 Allies occupy Wien (Vienna) without resistance
1945 US marines conquer Minna Shima off Okinawa 
1959 Vatican edict forbids Roman Catholics from voting for communists
1961 UN General Assembly condemns South Africa for apartheid 
1962 US steel industry forced to give up price increases
1970 Apollo 13 announces "Houston, we've got a problem!" as oxygen tank
       explodes en route to Moon
1975 Christian Falange kills 27 Palestinians, begins Lebanese civil war
1983 Undefeated middleweight boxer Tony Ayala gets 35 years on sex assault 
1987 Portugal signs agreement to return Macau to China (in 1999) 
1994 President guard at Kigali Rwanda, chops 1,200 church members to death
1994 Target date for Israeli complete withdrawal, doesn't occur 
2012  smiled


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There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking. --- Thomas A. Edison We are more ready to try the untried when what we do is inconsequential. Hence the fact that many inventions had their birth as toys. --- Eric Hoffer In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them. --- Johann von Neumann
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they all left. Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
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***
Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: How do you set up a Signature Block in Windows Live Mail I have windows 7 with windows live mail. I cannot find the signature line that you spoke of today. any idea where to look? thanks, D.J. Dear DJ I have never touched Windows Live Mail, but according to Google, it is quite easy: Select the Menu in Windows Live Mail Select Tools | Options Go to the Signatures tab. Click New under Signatures. Type the text of your signature under Edit Signature. Hit OK Have FUN! DearWebby
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As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it. For fifty years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you." Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice. "Where did the $82,500 come from?" he asked. "Oh, that's the money I made selling all the doilies."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Scanning the phone book for a garbage collection service, I came across one that clearly wasn't afraid to tackle any job. Their ad read: "Residential hauling. All types of junk removed. No load too large or too small. Garages, basements, addicts."
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Importance of signature block 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 12

Dear Webby, 
I want to tell your readers that, based on your recommendation, 
I purchased a couple of printer ink cartridges from Atlantic
 InkJet via the web. They work perfectly in my HP multifunction
printer, and they even paid for the shipping!  

So the next time someone complains about the few 
ads you have, just remind them how to unsubscribe. 
That was good and valuable information.
Cheers! 
Scott


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1065 Pilgrims under bishop Günther of Bamberg reach Jerusalem
1204 4th Crusade occupies & plunders Constantinople
1545 French king François I orders protestants of Vaudois to be killed 
1654 England, Ireland & Scotland unite
1811 1st US colonists on Pacific coast arrive at Cape Disappointment WA
1844 Texas became a US territory
1861 Fort Sumter SC is shelled by Confederacy, starting the Civil War
1863 Gunboat battle at Bayou Teche LA
1905 French Dufaux brothers test helicopter 
1908 Fire makes 17,000 homeless in Chelsea MA
1919 British Parliament passes a 48-hour work week with minimum wages
1927 General Chiang Kai-shek begins counter revolution in Shanghai 
1931 Spanish voters reject the monarchy 
1934 Highest velocity wind ever recorded on Mount Washington NH, 231 mph 
1940 Italy annexes Albania 
1945 Canadian troops liberate Nazi concentration camp Westerbork, Netherlands
1945 Richard Strauss completes his "Metamorphosis" 
1946 Syria gains independence from France
1954 Bill Haley & the Comets record "Rock Around the Clock" 
1955 Salk polio vaccine safe & effective; 4 billion dimes marched 
1966 1st B-52 bombing on North Vietnam
1973 France recognizes North Vietnam 
1981 Maiden voyage Space Transit System-space shuttle Columbia launched 
1987 Texaco files for bankruptcy 
1988 Sonny Bono elected mayor of Palm Springs CA
1992 Trump Shuttle becomes US Air Shuttle 
2012  smiled


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I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport
An unemployed actor is getting pretty desperate for work. He happens upon this guy that needs actors for a zoo that couldn't get the permits to import a new ape. The actor thinks that this is stupid, but he takes the job anyway. He gets bored and decides to walk around and examine his cage. With this, he notices that people are watching his every move. He decides to give them a show. Soon, he is swinging on the poles and dancing around making a lot of gorilla noises and is drawing quite a crowd. One day, he is showing off for a group of kids. He is swinging around and around a pole, when all of a sudden, his hand slips and he goes flying over the cage wall and right into the lion's pit. Immediately the lion is stalking him. The actor backs up as far as he can, and when he sees no other option, he start screaming "HELP !" With that, the lions growls. "Shut up, you idiot, or you'll get us all fired!"
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you." "But wait", he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" "So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well", said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that", he laughed, "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winked, and asked for aspirin?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Calvin Coolidge Wiggins, 31 Phony Postal Inspector Busted For Swiping Pot Shipments MARCH 5--On the hunt for illegal narcotics being shipped via Express Mail, a Michigan man allegedly repeatedly entered a sorting facility, claimed to be a postal inspector, and walked out with dozens of parcels, many of which contained marijuana, investigators charge. According to a criminal complaint filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Detroit, Calvin Coolidge Wiggins, 31, said, “You got me” when questioned Saturday morning by federal agents who had arrested him outside the Priority Mail Center in Romulus. Wiggins, an investigator reported, admitted that he “previously had been involved in mailing Marijuana via USPS Express Mail and was tired of having the parcels seized.” So he allegedly sought to seize the parcels of other drug traffickers. A surveillance team spotted Wiggins entering the facility on March 3 and walking “towards the area of the plant where the Express Mail was being processed.” There, Wiggins was seen taking two parcels and placing them into a wheeled hamper. Wiggins told federal agents that on “numerous occasions” he had gone to the Romulus facility and “posed as a Postal Inspector in order to steal Express Mail parcels which he believed contained controlled substances,” according to an affidavit sworn by a postal inspector. Many of the pinched parcels “did contain Marijuana,” revealed Wiggins, who estimated that he had swiped between 40 and 50 Express Mail packages. The probe of the mail thefts began in January, when postal inspectors determined that multiple packages destined for the Detroit area went missing. Many of the parcels were characteristic of packages that, in the past, had been found to contain controlled substances. Last month, a review of surveillance footage showed a black male suspect entering the Romulus plant on Saturday, February 11 and walking out with eight packages ranging in weight from two to 28 pounds. The swiped parcels “all originated from known narcotic source areas,” noted Postal Inspector Edmond Rose. Anticipating that the suspect would return, federal agents Saturday staked out the Priority Mail Center, where they allegedly caught Wiggins in the act. Wiggins was named in a two-count felony complaint charging him with theft of mail and impersonating a government employee. At a court appearance yesterday, a magistrate judge freed Wiggins on a $10,000 unsecured bond. Records show that Wiggins is a registered sex offender as a result of a sexual battery conviction in Ohio. He first registered in June 2000, and will have to remain on the offender list for the rest of his life.
Spouse [noun]; A person who will stand by you through all of the trouble that you wouldn't have had, if you had stayed single.

Tech Support Pits: From: Hey You! Re: What do you mean with Signature Block What do you mean with Signature Block Dear "Hey You!" Have you ever noticed that AOLers, and recent graduates from AOL, are anonymous "Hey YOU!"s, just anonymous hecklers in the ditch, and that other people sign off with a proper signature line? Every email program has the option to automate that, and automatically append your signature. You can do it formally, with a mug-shot, like I do, or classical like Vestrum Vere Julius Ceasar or casual like See ya later, alligater Betty-Sue or flowery like With love and horny anticipation Penelope Oglethorp-Smythe III or whatever you like, as long as it includes the name, that you want to see after the "Dear" in the salutation of the reply coming back to you. You can change your name. That is quite OK. I don't mind seeing Sincerly and soberly Hortensia (formerly Penelope) It gives me a name to use after the DEAR, and a real person to write to. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Six-year-old called mother from Charlie's house and confessed that a lamp had been broken by throwing a ball in their living room. "But, Mom," said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Summer Fun Box School is almost out! A great surprise gift idea for elementary-aged children, grandchildren, or nieces and nephews is a 'Summer of Fun' surprise package. Try to think of all the things you loved as a child. Your grandchild, child or niece/nephew will probably have a little of you in them. I did this last summer and my granddaughter was absolutely delighted! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Johnny wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test: Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny : SEVEN! Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny : SEVEN! Tester : Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got? Little Johnny : SIX. Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Little Johnny : SEVEN! Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven? Little Johnny : I've already got one rabbit at home!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Whatever could have happened?" he thinks, "Who died?" "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. I'll get you a new cat in the morning."
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Problems with wide monitor 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 11

Thank you John B!

I went to the Dollar Store to get coffee filters, and as usual,
had a quick look around. There are always some chuckles.
Today's chuckle was a USB powered keyboard vaccuum cleaner.
I din't buy it, of course. Since I stopped smoking over a 
year ago, my keyboard does not need daily vacuuming any more,
but it was funny to see a little USB powered vacuum cleaner
priced at $1.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1814 1st abdication of France by Napoleon; he is exiled to Elba 
1848 Hungary becomes constitutional monarchy under king Ferdinand of Austria
1895 Anaheim completes its new electric light system
1900 US Navy's 1st submarine made its debut 
1906 Einstein introduces his Theory of Relativity
1939 Hungary leaves League of Nations
1941 Germany blitzes Conventry, England 
1944 RAF bombs census bureau in The Hague
1945 Allies liberate abandoned Buchenwald Nazi concentration camp 
1950 Prince Rainier III becomes ruler of Monaco
1950 US B-29 bomber shot down above Latvia
1951 President Harry Truman fires General Douglas McArthur 
1956 French government sends 200,000 reservists to Algeria
1960 1st US weather satellite launched (Tiros 1) 
1965 40 tornadoes strike US midwest killing 272 & injuring 5,000 
1970 Apollo 13 launched to Moon; unable to land, returns in 6 days
1977 Ireland sets fishing zone at 50 mile 
1979 Ugandan dictator Idi Amin overthrown; Tanzania takes Kampala
1992 Euro-Disney opens near Paris France
2012  smiled


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people. --- Philip Guedalla "It is well enough that the people of this nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning." --- Henry Ford
Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this story: A minister in a little church announced from the pulpit, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief." That week for the first time in months, everyone gave.
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tammy Roseman, 40, in Vero beach, Florida Naked and drunk again VERO BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Florida authorities say a woman offered them no good explanation for her being naked in a parked car. An Indian River County deputy sheriff found Tammy Roseman "au naturel" in the front seat of her boyfriend's car while investigating a disturbance in Vero Beach on the afternoon of March 23. "I inquired why she was in a parked vehicle without any clothes at this time of day," a report states. She could offer no explanation. The investigator deduced alcohol probably had something to do with the situation and busted her for disorderly intoxication. Roseman's boyfriend told deputies the nudity didn't begin in the car. He said he came home earlier in the day and found her naked, drunk and busting up the place. The TC Palm said the arrest was not the first for the 40-year-old Roseman that involved public exposure. She was busted last year for allegedly dropping her pants as a school bus full of elementary kids passed by, and another time for walking in front of a busy mall showing off her breasts.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Problem with wide (sawed off) monitor I have a new Dell monitor. My pictures and games are all too wide. How can I change the settings to make them normal. Rose Dear Rose Sounds like you chose to disregard my suggestions, and selected a "sawed off" monitor, that has the bottom third missing. They DO sell 4:3 monitors at DELL, for example the Dell UltraSharp 2007FP 20.1'' LCD Monitor, but you can find a lot better deals from other companies. If you choose to keep the "sawed off" monitor, you will just have to get used to the bottom third sawed off. Lots of people got used to that. Just set the resolution to the best your computer and your monitor can handle, and get used to not having that bottom third. If you look for 4:3 monitors at Pricegrabber, you can find some beautiful monitors at surprisingly low cost. I bought my 1600 x 1200 Lenovo monitor there a few years ago for $199, and am VERY happy with it. By the way, with monitors don't hesitate to buy "Refurb" units. They are usually returns because they were too large and would not fit into somebody's hutch desk, or some other silly reason. They will be just like brand new, but most likely in non-standard packaging. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Taxiing down the tarmac, the jet abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "It's OK now. It just took a while to find a pilot who is deaf."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Summer Fun Box School is almost out! A great surprise gift idea for elementary-aged children, grandchildren, or nieces and nephews is a 'Summer of Fun' surprise package. Try to think of all the things you loved as a child. Your grandchild, child or niece/nephew will probably have a little of you in them. I did this last summer and my granddaughter was absolutely delighted! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?" "Well, Betty-Sue, it means yall have to use both hands."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"
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Laptop battery draindown 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 10

Thank you John B!

Today in 
0837 Comet Halley approaches within 0.0334 astronomical units (AUs) of Earth 
1516 1st ghetto, Jews are compelled to live in specific area of Venice 
1656 Dutch fleet occupies Colombo Ceylon
1790 Robert Gray is 1st American to circumnavigate the Earth 
1825 1st hotel in Hawaii opens
1864 Austrian Archduke Maximilian becomes emperor of México
  (That's how Mexicans learned Alpine Brass music)
1912 RMS Titanic sets sail for its 1st & last voyage 
1930 Synthetic rubber 1st produced 
1938 Occupied Austria becomes a state of Germany
1938 New York makes syphilis test mandatory in order to get a marriage license 
1945 Canadian troops conquer Deventer 
1945 US troops land on Tsugen Shima Okinawa 
1961 Adolf Eichmann tried as a war criminal in Israel 
1973 Pakistan suspends constitution 
1995 NYC bans smoking in all restaurants that seat 35 or more
2012  smiled

It's not really warm yet, but thes snow is melting, and the days
are getting longer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper." --- Francis Bacon
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 3:44 A.M. by his ringing telephone. "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely 3:44 A.M., Bernard called his neighbor back. "Good morning, Mr. Williams. just called to tell you, that I don't have a dog."
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station. When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Ann, a sharp-eyed reader, asked what the bush in the far right corner of yesterday's pictrue was. It is a "Christus Dorn", Christ Thorn. The bush blooms at Easter, and has very wicked, poisonous thorns, that cause painful swelling and irritation. Nowadays that bush grows in the wild only in Madagascar, and it is a controversial mystery, how it had gotten to Jerusalem 2000 and some years ago, but then totally disappeared from that area. It is shown in drawings and paintings ot the time, but not since then.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Patrick Brennan III, 31 in Gresham, Oregon Police dog persuades burglary suspect to give up GRESHAM, Ore. (AP) - A burglary suspect holed up in an Oregon deli refused police commands to come out, but changed his mind after hearing from a police dog. Gresham police say the police dog persuaded 31-year-old James Patrick Brennan III to surrender early Wednesday because the man was worried its bite would be worse than its bark. Apparently, James Patrick Brennan III, 31, was worried about getting bitten. He immediately walked out of the Deli Barn at 2410 S.E. 182 Ave. and surrendered to police, who had already taken Trino Lopez Sr. a suspected accomplice, into custody. The alleged robbery was uncovered at 2:56 a.m. Wednesday by Gresham Officer Mark Hawley, who was on patrol. He noticed a car parked out in front of the deli, which was closed. He remembered the store had been robbed in January and that the surveillance tape had shown a car parked in the same spot at the time of that break-in. Hawley pulled out a pair of binoculars to get a good look from a safe distance, and saw that the glass door had been smashed in. He parked east of the store and crept up on foot, discovering a suspect in the car. He could hear crashing sounds inside the Deli Barn. Hawley ordered the man inside the vehicle, Trino Lopez Sr., 39, to surrender. He did. Hawley and other officers called to the scene ordered Brennan to come out. He refused. That's when the Portland K-9 was called to the scene to try to bark the suspect into giving up. It's a commonly used tactic to keep police from having to use their weapons or risk being hurt themselves, Grandjean said. It worked. Lopez was booked into Multnomah County jail on suspicion of burglary one and possession of methamphetamine. Brennan faces allegations of burglary one, criminal mischief two and possession of burglary tools.
Tech Support Pits: From: Raina Re: laptop battery draindown Dear Webby, How often should a laptop battery be drained down to make sure it does not go stale? I normally have my laptop plugged in all the time. Thanks Raina Dear Raina Once a month is a good time. Just use it without power and drain it down until the computer goes into hybernation. Then plug it back in. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cloth Napkins Instead Of Paper Our family of four includes two children who can get very messy during mealtime. Instead of having them use cheap one-ply napkins that fall apart the minute you try to wipe your hands with them, I decided to use cloth napkins. The napkins can usually be purchased for $0.50 to a $1.00 each depending on where you buy them. I once purchased a clearance priced set of 4 from Target for a $1.00. I made sure to purchase enough for when we have family over. You can also make your own from old cotton t-shirts but keep in mind the type of fabric you use will determine the amount of absorbency. I would strongly recommend you refrain from decorating the homemade napkins with glitter or puff paint as that might defeat their purpose. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there. Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?"answered the wife. Frustrated the man said, "Put that cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Secretary: "My printer is flashing '''Error 13 Paper Out" Buzzy: "Check to see if there is paper in the machine" Secretary: "Already did, no - there is no paper in the machine" Buzzy: "Try filling the paper bin, see if that fixes the 'error''." Secretary: "Hold on.... Yes that fixed it, but every time it runs out of paper I get the error again." Buzzy: Hmmmm, I'll have to research that problem. Might be best if you drop the printer off at my office.
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Not getting subscriptions on Yahoo 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 9

Five Million Dollars to send Obama's 13 year old daughter 
and 25 Secret Service bodyguards for a brief spring break 
trip to Oaxaca. Mexico, with two jets of course, since 
Muslims are not supposed to fly on the same jet as their dogs, 
I don't know if she has a real dog, or that the Obamas just 
considers the Secret Service bodyguards and bullet shields 
as dogs. 

It's just taxpayer's money, and lots more where that came 
from.

When I still went on spring break in college and university,
I used to go up into the mountains with (fake) seal skins
strapped onto the skis. With those you can climb any mountain,
that has snow on it. We usually overnighted in Alpine Club 
lodges for next to nothing, sometimes in small tents, and
sometimes in snow caves. 

We were just a small group, though, and considered totally
nuts by the rest, who stayed home and watched TV. But I
always suspected, that they were a bit envious.

Today in 
1241 Battle of Liegnitz - Mongol armies defeat Poles & Germans 
1388 Battle of Näfels; Glarius: Swiss defeat Habsburg (Austrian) army 
1682 Robert La Salle claims lower Mississippi (Louisiana) for France 
1829 Danzig (Gdansk) dike break flood kills 1,200
1864 Battle of Pleasant Hill LA, 2870 casualities 
1912 Titanic leaves Queenstown Ireland for New York 
1914 Tampico incident - US ship crew arrested in Mexico
1917 Vimy Ridge France stormed by Canadian troops 
1945 Battleship Admiral Scheer sinks British aircraft carrier 
1957 Suez Canal cleared for all shipping 
1960 South African premier Verwoerd wounded in battle
1965 India & Pakistan engage in border fight 
1967 1st Boeing 737 rolls out. They STILL make those!
1969 1st flight of Concorde 002
1972 USSR & Iraq sign friendship treaty
1973 Netherlands recognizes North Vietnam
1981 US sub George Washington rams Japanese freighter Nisso Maru 
1991 Release of Microsoft MS-DOS 5.0, by many considered to be the last stable OS.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it." --- Sam Ewing "Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kind of like being the guy on a date." --- Caroline Rhea
One night father was helping with the homework. Father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied.
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Easter 2012, April 8 Fresh snow outside. The big one in the center is a Echinocereus Matudae.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joseph Faulk, 27 Drunk street sweeper hits cop car ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. -- A state street sweeper cleaning up after a crash was allegedly involved in his own crash with a Bernalillo County deputy's patrol car. It happened on Interstate 40 last Friday when 59-year-old Herbert Morgan was called out to clean up a scene. A police report says that after hitting the deputy's patrol car, the deputy asked Morgan to step out of the sweeper and noticed Morgan stumbling and having difficulty walking. The complaint says Morgan was also slurring his words. According to the complaint, Morgan agreed to submit to field sobriety tests, which he failed. The Albuquerque Journal reports a breath test later measured Morgan's blood-alcohol concentration at or above 0.16 percent, which is twice the state's presumed level of intoxication. Morgan was arrested on suspicion of aggravated DWI. Morgan had THREE prior DUI arrests.
Tech Support Pits: From: Louise Re: Problem getting subscriptions at Yahoo I am not getting humor letter at all. louise........@yahoo,com Dear Louise That is normal with your type of Yahoo address. Once your subscription has entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Most yahoos only get about 1/3 of their subscriptions. Until you get a respectable address, you can browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what Yahoo stole from you. I sent you an invitation to Gmail. They are 100% reliable, especially if you make a filter. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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A delightful classic, that keeps coming back: A well-to-do young man met a beautiful young woman at an exclusive party and was immediately smitten with her. He took her on the town and eventually to his apartment where he discovered she was not only a beautiful woman, but also well-groomed, cultured and very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he offered her a glass of wine and asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry. "Oh, Sherry," she said, "by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the Gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When that gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion... "On the other hand, Port just makes me fart."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Business Cards I like taking calling cards, especially from stores like beauty salons, doctors office, even restaurants. I did not know where to store them. I bought a wallet size photo album from a dollar store ($1) and started putting all the cards I have taken in there. At the back of the calling cards, I note down comments like the hours and days for my favorite hairstylist or for restaurants favorite menus and what not to order (good for take outs). By Rosario from FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Anni noticed something funny about Dawn's ear and she said, "Dawn, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Dawn answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she said, "Anni, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Alice for this: Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother."
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The "Experts" Are Always Right--Right? 

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what is it good for?"
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
The device is inherently of no value to us,"
Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible,"
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,"
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,"
Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,"
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,"
Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this,"
Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're crazy,"
Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,"
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .

"Everything that can be invented has been invented,"
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required."
Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself."
the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction."
Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse , 1872

And last but not least...

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977





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Worship 


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How to restore the Recycle Bin icon on Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, April 8
Happy Easter,  !


Click through for the large version.

Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0563 -BC- Gautama Buddha was born
1759 British troops chase French out of Masulipatam India
1766 1st fire escape patented, wicker basket on a pulley & chain 
1783 Catharina II of Russia annexes the Krim
1802 French Protestant church becomes state-supported & -controlled 
1879 Milk is sold in glass bottles for 1st time 
1940 Germany battle cruiser sinks British aircraft carrier Glorious
1945 Nazi occupiers in Holland executed
1947 Largest recorded number of sunspots (7,000) observed 
1961 British liner "Dara" explodes in Persian Gulf, kills 236
1969 1st Baseball game in Canada - Montréal Expos beats New York Mets 10-9
1994 Smoking banned in Pentagon & all US military bases 
2012  smiled

Woke up to 15 cm (six inches) of snow. It melted off the 
roads fairly fast and by evening most roads were mostly dry.
On the lawns the snow disappeared from the sunny spots
and stayed in the shade. 

Next week we are supposed to get our first rain! 
That will turn the brown lawns green and trigger the flowers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell "The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream." --- Harry Kemp
Thanks to Robbie for this one: A few years ago the battery in my beat up Volkswagen Beetle had died because I'd left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work, so I ran into the house to get my girlfriend to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to start our second car, a big old monster sized gas guzzler. I told her we're going to use the big car to push the bug fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission (a rare one, indeed), it needed to be pushed at least 40 miles per hour for it to start. She got in the car and drove off. Drove off? What the hell was she doing? I was waiting in the bug, getting impatient. After a minute I looked in the rear view mirror. She was coming at me at about 40 - 50 miles per hour. I suddenly realized I should have been a little bit clearer with my instructions.
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

San Francisco has become the first US city to pay for civil employees' sex change operations. The rest rooms at San Francisco's City Hall are now labeled "Men," "Women," and "Pending."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Easter 2012 The crimson colored one on the right is the original Easter Cactus, fthe fire red one on the left is a modern hybrid.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joseph Faulk, 27 Robber left phone with his photo CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- Charlotte-Mecklenburg police say an accused armed robber left his cell phone at the crime scene, complete with a digital photo of himself posing with the same handgun he used to threaten his victims. The Charlotte Observer reports that 27-year-old Joseph Faulk of Brooklyn, N.Y., was arrested Wednesday after officers searched a car in which he was a passenger. They found a pistol and a red bandanna stuffed in the waistband of Faulk's pants. The day before, a man armed with a handgun and wearing a red bandana robbed three men in apartment complexes on the city's east side. During the first robbery, police say Faulk dropped his phone. After his subsequent arrest for firearms possession by a felon, police linked Faulk to the robberies through the phone photo.
Tech Support Pits: From: Iris Re: How do I restore the Recycle Bin icon in W7 ? Dear Webby, My ex klutzed around on my computer, supposedly un-installing some of his programs, and since then the recycle bin icon is gone. While it's easy enough to delete stuff with the delete key, the odd time I need to restore a mistakenly deleted file. For that I need access to the recycle bin. Anybody around here whom I asked, said to just re-install Windows and that would fix it. Isn't there a better way ? Thanks Iris Dear Iris right-click on the desktop and select Personalize, then choose the link for “Change Desktop Icons” on the left-hand side. Now you can chose the icons you want back on the desktop by checking the box next to the name: After you hit APPLY, the recycle bin icon will be on the desktop somewhere, but not necessarily where you expect it. Just keep searching, it is somewhere, and you can drag it to where you prefer it to be. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail." The husband jumped to his feet , addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?" "Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench." The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas, your honor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Organizer Bucket Idea Four gallon square buckets fit inside five gallon round buckets. By putting the square one inside the round one, you have a center place for your potting soil and small spaces for the gardening implements and garden stakes. I am enclosing a picture. The four gallon diameter is 9 15/16 inches and the diameter of the five gallon is 11 inches approximately. You may have to play around with the different sizes, but if you have two at home that you can try out, why not? This would also work with boots in the center and umbrellas around the edges, tall and short dried flowers, or anything you want to keep handy and don't want to dig around for. Hope this helps! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Joe's wife had a sex change. Now it's Wednesday's and Saturday's instead of Tuesday's and Friday's.
» The Water Lilies>





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How to set up a Windows 7 screensaver 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, April 7

Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0451 Attila's Hun's plunder Metz 
1498 Crowd storms Savonarola's convent San Marco Florence Italy
1509 France declares war on Venice 
1652 Dutch establish settlement at Cape Town, South Africa 
1712 Slave revolt (New York NY) 
1798 Territory of Mississippi is organized 
1891 Nebraska introduces the 8 hour work day
1923 Workers Party of America (NYC) becomes communist party 
1926 Mussolini's Irish wife breaks his nose
1927 Using phone lines TV is sent from Washington DC to New York NY
1933 Prohibition ends
1933 Utah becomes 38th state to ratify 21st Amendment 
1939 Italy annexes Albania 
1945 US B-17's bombs range at Lüneburg 
1945 US planes intercept Japanese fleet heading for Okinawa on a suicide 
     mission; superbattleship Yamato & four destroyers are sunk 
1946 Part of East Prussia incorporated into Russian SFSR 
1953 1st west-to-east jet transatlantic nonstop flight 
1959 Oklahoma ends prohibition, after 51 years 
1966 US recovers lost H-bomb from Mediterranean floor (whoops!)
1967 Israeli/Syrian border fights 
1983 Oldest human skeleton, aged 80,000 years, discovered in Egypt 
1988 Russia announces it will withdraw its troops from Afghanistan, 
     kicked out by CIA trained, supplied and supported Taliban 
1994 Vatican acknowledges Holocaust
2012  smiled

It's snowing. We are going to have a white Easter. 
Bunnies are going to leave tracks in the snow!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"There's a statistical theory that if you gave a million monkeys typewriters and set them to work, they'd eventually come up with the complete works of Shakespeare. Thanks to the Internet, we now know this isn't true." --- Ian Hart Pick battles big enough to matter, yet small enough to win. --- Jonathan Kozol
My friend and I joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our diet?" "Low in calories" and "lots of fiber," were among the answers. She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and con- cluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid fifty-five cents for this candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat. From in back of the room a small voice spoke up. "I'll give you seventy-five cents for it."
The E-cookbooks Library Discover The All New E-cook books Library! Over 100 Full Length Cookbooks All In PDF Format. Read them on your computer or print them out. Fantastic deal works out to under 18 cents per book! Limited time deal. Get the 100 book Library now!

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother."
Click through for the large version. Venice
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dylan Edward Contreras, 19 Gives False Name To Idaho Police -- But Real One Was Tattooed On Forearm TWIN FALLS, Idaho -- A 19-year-old Idaho man with his last name tattooed on his forearm apparently tried to give police a fake name and was arrested. An officer says he told three men who were walking on the street with a dog to move to the sidewalk, and that one looked like he might run away, so he asked for identification. Contreras identified himself as Emiliano Velesco, and a police database search found no matches. The officer then had a dispatcher run a check with the birthday he was given and the last name tattooed on the forearm. Contreras had three warrants for failure to appear on charges including providing false information. DUH! And could not walk on the sidewalk when cops are out and about.
Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re: Screensaver Dear Webby, I need a decent screensaver for W7 What have you got? Len Dear Len Go to the Control Panel In the search box, type screen saver, and then click Change screen saver. You can select one of the built in ones, or select Photos If you select "Photos", put your collection of pictures of Safety posters, or something similar, into a new folder. Then click on Settings, there in that Screensaver setup, and browse to that new folder with all the juicy Safety posters. Hit Save, set the wait time, and hit OK. It's not as easy as in Windows 95 - XP, but it's not too difficult to accomplish. If you put a checkmark into "On resume, show login screen", then you have to use your password to log on again. Only do that, if you don't want anybody to snoop, while you are getting coffee. By the way, the reason I mentioned safety posters is because the screensaver will be active, when you are not there. Showing pictures of your last fifty girlfriends and 700 concubines might not be a good idea. If you want to review those for inclusion in your autobiography, use a regular slide show or picture browser. You can,of course, change the folder, that is used for the screen saver from WORK to HOME, and have different themes or categories of pictures in those folders. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for a check up. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, it looks like you knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A handyman, who was working for a Synagogue, had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born?" The man answered, "Pittsburgh," and was thrown out on his ear. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born?" The man answered, "Philadelphia." He was promptly tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately." The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born?" The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". "Of course!" cried the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania".
» The Faberge Eggs>





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Abe vs Obama 

For all of you who have made disparaging remarks about President Obama, please read the following...
I'm sure most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln?



You might be surprised...

Here's the parallels of Abraham Lincoln and Barack Hussein Obama:

Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration.
Obama used the same Bible.

Lincoln came from Illinois.
Obama comes from Illinois.

Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature.
Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.

Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President.
Obama had very little experience before becoming President.

Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.

Lincoln was a skinny lawyer.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was a Republican.
Obama is a skinny lawyer .

Lincoln was in the United States military.
Obama is a skinny lawyer .

Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was highly respected.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was born in the United States.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

Lincoln saved the United States.
Obama is a skinny lawyer .

Amazing, isn't it?





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How to strip >>> AOL Flags 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Remember what Easter is all about?

Today in 
0648 -BC- Earliest total solar eclipse; chronicled by Greeks 
0402 Battle at Pollentia Roman army under Stilicho beats Visigoths
0610 Lailat-ul Qadar, the night the koran descended to Earth 
1106 Fire in Venice 
1652 Cape Colony, the 1st white settlement in South Africa established by Riebeeck
1712 Slave revolt in New York 
1722 Peter the Great ends tax on men with beards
1815 English militia shoots prisoners, 100's killed
1830 Joseph Smith & 5 others organize Mormon church in Seneca County, New York
1841 Cornerstone laid for 2nd Mormon temple, Nauvoo IL
1848 Jews of Prussia granted equality 
1868 Brigham Young marries his 27th & final wife
1869 1st plastic, Celluloid, patented 
1886 City of Vancouver British Columbia Canada incorporated
1889 George Eastman places Kodak Camera on sale for 1st time 
1893 Mormon temple in Salt Lake City dedicated 
1896 American, James Connolly, wins 1st Olympic gold medal in modern history 
1906 1st animated cartoon copyrighted 
1909 North Pole reached by Americans Robert Peary & Matthew Henson
1912 Electric starter 1st appeared in cars 
1917 US declares war on Germany, enters World War I 
1924 4 planes leave Seattle on 1st successful around-the-world flight
1930 Hostess Twinkies invented by bakery executive James Dewar
1938 Teflon invented by Roy J Plunkett
1939 Great Britain & Poland sign military pact 
1941 Beginning of 3 day Allied bombardment of Belgrade (17,000 die) 
1945 Japanese giant battleship Yamato heads to Okinawa
1945 Massive kamikaze-attack on US battle fleet near Okinawa
1954 TV Dinner is 1st put on sale by Swanson & Sons
1957 NYC ends trolley car service 
1965 Intelsat 1 ("Early Bird") 1st commercial geosynchronous communications satellite 
1974 250,000 attend rock concert "California Jam" 
1980 Post It Notes are introduced 
1992 Serbian troops begin siege of Sarajevo
2012  smiled

Wednesday's snow melted off the roads, they were warm,
but is still 4 - 6 inches deep on the trees and on shaded lawns.
Some of the snow will still be around on Easter Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Sound really does travel slower than light. The advice parents give to their 18 year olds doesn't reach them until they're about 40. --- Socratex "The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he fills out a job application form." --- Stanley J. Randall What you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. --- Goethe
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice, "two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So vat did you do with the money?"
Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"  Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime
 
In this 543-page cookbook, you'll find:
  • 338 low carb recipes
  • 289 low fat recipes
  • 356 low calorie recipes
  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes
  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes
  • 10 rice, fried recipes
  • 65 beef recipes
  • 82 chicken recipes
  • 69 pork recipes
  • 65 seafood recipes
  • 21 noodle recipes
  • 23 soup and stew recipes
  • 46 appetizer recipes
  • 22 dessert recipes
  • 13 lamb and veal recipes
Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!   To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
Click through for the large version. Istanbul
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brooke Burke, 36, North Olmsted, Ohio Refused To Stop Slow Dancing With Groom At Wedding, Attacked The Bride and cops Brooke Burke, a 36-year-old Ohio woman was jailed after she allegedly refused to stop slow dancing with the groom at a couple's wedding reception. According to police, the bride at a wedding reception got a surprise reaction when she asked Burke to stop slow dancing with her new husband. Burke, who is reportedly married to the groom's brother, took exception with the request and retaliated by taking a swing at the bride. Burke then allegedly hurled expletives at the bride as other guests pulled her away. Witnesses told police that Burke, who was visibly intoxicated, attacked the bride at least twice during the evening. A short time later, while waiting outside the reception for a cab, Burke approached the bride a third time and tried to attack her yet again. A witness who tried to restrain Burke was pushed to the ground. An auxiliary officer who attended the reception restrained Burke until she fell to the ground kicking and screaming, according to police. A second auxiliary officer rushed in to help after Burke struck the first officer in the face several times. Burke was eventually subdued, arrested and stuffed into the backseat of a police cruiser. She was transported to the North Olmsted Police station and charged with assault and disorderly conduct intoxication.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Strip >> from emails Dear Webby, I had to get this @#$%^%$# reformatted and the techy didn't reinstall that wonderful program I got from you for cleaning up emails before I send them on.(as in getting rid of the >>>> 's etc., ...and...I can't remember the name of it or find it on your site.....sheeeesh..maybe I'm losing it Anyway would you be so kind as to send me the link so I can re-install it and not send " dirty" emails on. Thanks so much.. Ann Dear Ann Just go to my Tool Box and scoot down to just below the goofy GIMP dog. There you see a small icon with two >> on it and crossed out. The program is called STRIP. It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it'll carry. The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... ...they're not eating!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Print On The Back Side Of Paper Instead of throwing away copy paper that has been run through the printer or copier, I have started to save them. Place the used paper in a file folder or appropriate sized box to keep the corners flat and paper unwrinkled. I then use the back of these sheets to print proof reading copies or other things where it doesn't matter if the back has already been used. It can really save money and resources. I do this at home and at work and feel good about getting all the use I can out of every sheet of paper. By Bebe52 from Lambert, MS You can save even more when you use ClickBook. I have had this link in my Tool Box since the late 90's, and have saved a huge amount of paper thanks to ClickBook. Clickbok turns any cheap printer into a double-sided booklet printer. You can print an eBook in paperback book format, 4 pages per sheet, with all the sheets ordered and sorted, ready to glue or staple the spine. You don't have to figure out what goes in the back of page 247, it does all that for you. ClickBook does over 170 different formats, from broshures to table riders. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal beliefs to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm spirit, so he tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel their kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed the woman, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When I walked into this latest one, I thought I recognized a wife of a classmate over in the corner, so I approached her and extended my hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "You don't look so great in blue either!"
» What Lies Beneath>





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Is there a way to protect the HTML source 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 5

From Mike
Dear Webby,
Following the example of your "friend" at AOL, I've decided
 I want special attention as well.  

Henceforth, I shall be addressed as 
"Sir Mike of the Realm of the Virgins, Seeker of Truth and 
Slayer of Dragons, Rescuer of Damsels in or out of Distress, 
ESQ, PDA, LT, USN (Ret), MPG, JPG, Original Blend, 
Your Mileage may Vary."

If that doesn't fit, please feel free to continue addressing 
me as Mike.

Love the laughs, especially from the A-OL's 

Mike
Of the Realm of Virgins Beach, Virginia


Today in 
2348 -BC- Noah's ark grounded, Mount Ararat
1242 Alexander Nevsky of Novgorod defeats Teutonic Knights
1614 Indian princess Pocahontas marries English colonist John Rolfe
1621 Mayflower sails from Plymouth on a return trip to England 
1648 Spanish troops/feudal barons strike down people's uprising in Naples
1722 Jacob Roggeveen discovers Easter Island
1751 Adolf Frederik of Holstein-Gottorp crowns himself king of Sweden
1762 British take Grenada, West Indies, from French
1896 1st modern Olympic Games officially open in Athens 
1902 Soccer match riot between Scotland & England kills 25 
1915 French begin Woëvre-offensive 
1923 Firestone Company puts their inflatable tires into production 
1938 Anti-Jewish riots break out in Dabrowa Poland 
1944 140 Lancasters bomb airplane manufacturer in Toulouse 
1964 1st driverless trains run on the London Underground 
1971 Mount Etna erupts in Sicily Italy 
1974 Then tallest building, World Trade Center opens in NYC
1983 France throws out 47 Soviet diplomats
2063 Earth's 1st contact by extra-terrestrials (Vulcan); according to Star Trek 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams
Thanks to Pat for this: Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and." After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?" "Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."
Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"  Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime
 
In this 543-page cookbook, you'll find:
  • 338 low carb recipes
  • 289 low fat recipes
  • 356 low calorie recipes
  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes
  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes
  • 10 rice, fried recipes
  • 65 beef recipes
  • 82 chicken recipes
  • 69 pork recipes
  • 65 seafood recipes
  • 21 noodle recipes
  • 23 soup and stew recipes
  • 46 appetizer recipes
  • 22 dessert recipes
  • 13 lamb and veal recipes
Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!   To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.

Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "OK, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..." St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!" Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey."
Click through for the large version. Prag
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Olga perdomo and Willie Weathersby Bank Robbers Caught After Returning To Crime Scene The FBI said an attempted bank robber in Chicago was foiled by a teller who told her the bank was closed and she should come back the following day. The criminal complaint filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court said Olga Perdomo walked into the Albany Bank and Trust on West Lawrence Avenue around 5 p.m. on March 29 and handed a teller a note demanding "all of your money, no cops, no dye pack," the Chicago Tribune reported Wednesday. However, after reading the note, the teller told the woman the bank was closed and told her to come back the next day. "The female then left the bank," the complaint said. The woman, who was seen by a surveillance camera, was spotted by a bank employee walking outside of the establishment with a man around 3:20 p.m. Monday. Perdomo was arrested and police caught the man she was walking with after a short chase. The man was identified as Willie Weathersby, who officers recognized as a suspect in the robbery of $2,589 from the same bank March 23, the FBI said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Protect HTML from copying Dear Webby Is there a way to protect the HTML source of my pages from getting copied? Thanks Betty Dear Betty HTML source code can be encrypted. Just go to http://www.iwebtool.com/html_encrypter paste your HTML Source, and they will encrypt it for you. If you don't want to go quite that far, you can compress the source code by taking out all the empty spaces and line ends. That makes it awfully hard to read the source code, and will discourage most people from stealing it. There is a free compressor at http://www.digitalcoding.com/tools/compress-html.html Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Hope for bringing back this classic: A Southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he yelled, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he hollered, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it all and pour it into the river. AMEN! " With the sermon complete, he sat down. The choir leader stood very cautiously, carefully steadying himself by hanging on to the pew, and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closhing sschong, let ush sching Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Soap At Outdoor Spigot I put a bar of soap in the toe of a cut off leg of pantyhose and tie it onto my out side water faucets. It is handy for clean up after working in the yard and saves bringing the grime into the house. I have also taken these to picnics, family gatherings, etc. and slip knotted them onto a faucet for hand washing. By plwp12 from Odessa, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day while returning to my desk after a routine service call, a young lady flagged me down and asked for help. "My disk drive won't work, can you help me?" I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic baggie-like stuff hanging out of her disk drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys in the corner trying awful hard to keep a straight face. I asked her how the plastic got in the drive. "Oh, you mean the condom? Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it to prevent it from catching viruses." By this point, John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked, "Does that mean that I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. Karin complied, and got a ticket for fifty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her chequebook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $55."
» Cast Paper Sculpture>





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Final TSA report for 2011 ... 

Listen up all you naysayers. Those of you who whine about airport body scanners being an infringement of your rights under the Constitution, who rail about unwelcome and illegal invasions of your privacy, who complain of egregious and unwarranted government intrusion- you need to lighten up. The TSA performs a useful function on behalf of air travelers.

TSA Report for 2011 The Year 2011 is over. Homeland Security has provided their end-of-the-year statistics on airport screenings here in the U.S.

It is truly amazing what those full-body scanners have shown.

* Terrorist Plots Discovered: 0
* Transvestites: 743
* Enlarged Prostates: 19,249
* Breast Implants: 209,350
* Colon problems: 27,298
* Natural Blondes: 3





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Is Video Grabber safe? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 4

From N in Maryland
(She sums up what a lot of people wrote about that AOLer,
who did not want her name used to greet her)

Something must be wrong with that person...
Sorry... I like it when I see my name...it makes it more 
personal...and that is nice. I miss your daily comments 
too. Keep the dates and make your comments too. 
You are right most of the time...LOL 8)...
N in Maryland, USA.

The shortest comment was from Ed:
It's a hoot!   Don't stop!
 Ed

Today in 
1460 University of Basel in Swizerland forms 
1558 Czar Ivan IV gives parts of North-Russia to fur traders
1655 Battle at Postage Farina, Tunis English fleet beats Barbarian pirates 
1828 Casparus van Wooden patents chocolate milk powder
1850 City of Los Angeles incorporated 
1896 Announcement of Gold in the Yukon 
1905 Earthquake in Kangra India, kills 370,000
1912 Chinese republic proclaimed in Tibet 
1916 US Senate agrees (82-6) to participate in WWI
1920 Arabs attack Jews in Jerusalem
1932 Vitamin C 1st isolated, C C King, University of Pittsburgh 
1944 De Gaulle forms new regime in exile, with communists 
1947 Largest group of sunspots on record 
1994 Netscape Communications founded as Mosaic Communications 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower "All meanings, we know, depend on the key of interpretation." --- George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

Nicholas Zhou's Bestselling Cookbook

"Real And Healthy Chinese Cooking"

 

Over 500 Authentic and Healthy
Chinese Recipes for Your Lifetime

 

In this 543-page electronic cookbook, you'll find:

  • 338 low carb recipes

  • 289 low fat recipes

  • 356 low calorie recipes

  • 118 fruit, vegetable and vegetarian recipes

  • 22 tofu (bean curd) recipes

  • 10 rice, fried recipes

  • 65 beef recipes

  • 82 chicken recipes

  • 69 pork recipes

  • 65 seafood recipes

  • 21 noodle recipes

  • 23 soup and stew recipes

  • 46 appetizer recipes

  • 22 dessert recipes

  • 13 lamb and veal recipes

Get this cookbook NOW and start cooking authentic Chinese food today!

 

To make it even better for you, I'm also including 2 bonus cookbooks with your order. To see more details about the two bonus books, click here.


One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come too?"
Click through for the large version. Andes
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Wren, 25, and Holly Watkins, 23, in Chelsea, Oklahoma Couple took baby along to burglary James Wren, 25, and Holly Watkins, 23, were jailed Wednesday after they allegedly burglarized a home while their infant son waited in the getaway car. According to the Rogers County Sheriff's Office, Wren and Watkins were burglarizing a Chelsea home when they were interrupted by the home owner's family. Sheriff's deputies arrived to find the burglar couple's 4-month-old son crying in the back seat of their car. Deputies found jewelry and other valuables hidden inside a pillow case in the woods - not far from where Watkins had been walking. Several other jewelry items were found in the couple's Chevy Tahoe. Wren and Watkins were booked into the Rogers County Jail and charged with burglary, obstructing an officer, knowingly concealing stolen property and child endangerment. DHS officials have placed the baby into protective custody.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erika Re: Is VideoGrabber safe? Dear Webby Is that Video Grabber add-on safe? It looks good, if you believe them, but sounds almost too good. Erika Dear Erika It does work OK for downloading MP3 files from YouTube files, but it is not straight and simple. You have to put up with all kinds of advertising and carefully stear clear of that, in order to get your MP3. In addition to that, it messes with your browser and adds an unwanted toolbar row, that is not easy to get rid off. VideoGrabber has been written by IE toadies and it really shows. Whenever it encounters problems, it opens up IE. It also kills your little multi-engine search bar, if you got it, and expects you to use their Bing search bar. VideoGrabber has no really major or catastrophic problems, just sloppy amateurish messing around. You probably CAN cope with those problems, but you might be a lot happier looking for an alternative. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob's Secrets to a Happy Marriage 1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex. 4. It is EXTREMELY important that these three women never meet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
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Man Boobs: A Watcher's Guide 


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DSL and phone on the same line 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 3

Today in 
0245 -BC- Start of Era of Arsaces
1376 Battle of Navarrete, England beat France
1764 Austrian arch duke Jozef crowned himself Roman Catholic king
1856 Gunpowder in church explodes killing 4,000 in Rhodos
1868 Hawaiian surfs on highest wave ever, a 50' tidal wave
1910 Highest mountain in North America, Alaska's Mount McKinley climbed
1919 Austria expels all Habsburgers and outlaws royalty
1922 Stalin appointed General Secretary of Communist Party
1926 2nd flight of a liquid-fueled rocket by Robert Goddard 
1933 1st airplane flight over Mount Everest 
1941 Churchill warns Stalin of German invasion 
1944 British dive bombers attack battle cruiser Tirpitz 
1948 Harry Truman signs Marshall Plan ($5B loans to 16 European countries) 
1949 North Atlantic Treaty, (NATO) pact signed by US, Britain, France & Canada 
1958 Fidel Castro's rebels attacked Havana 
1964 US & Panamá agree to resume diplomatic relations
1965 1st atomic powered spacecraft (SNAP) launched 
1966 Luna 10 orbits Moon 
1981 Race riots in London's Brixton area
1991 UN Security Council adopts Gulf War truce resolution 
2012  smiled

Most subscribers enjoy and appreciate it, when I greet them
with their name, and occasionally build their name into a joke.
Not all, though. Today one, an AOLer, who shall remain 
nameless and anonymous, demanded, that I change her first 
name to "Friend".

Yes, sure. No problem.
Makes me wonder, though.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"You can't go to a public pool and splash around any more. Everyone is swimming laps now. Some guy jumped in behind me and said, "How long you gonna be using this lane, dude?" And I said, "Until my bladder's empty, punk." --- Tommy Sledge It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job, he demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right! I didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."
Click through for the large version. Chichen Itzá, México
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Pruitt, 31 in Gastonia, NC Teacher Conspired With Student To Sell Prescription Pills To Other Students Meredith Pruitt, a 31-year-old teacher at Forestview High School in North Carolina has been jailed after she allegedly conspired with a student to sell prescription drugs to students. According to Gastonia Police, an investigation was launched after it was discovered that a student was selling prescription pills to students. Investigators say the student received the pills from Pruitt, and then gave Pruitt a part of the proceeds collected from selling the medication. All students who purchased the pills have been identified, police say. Pruitt was booked into the Gaston County Jail and charged with possession with intent to sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance, sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance, promoting drug sales by a minor, sell or deliver a controlled substance to a minor, sell or deliver a controlled substance within 1000 feet of a school, hire or use a minor to commit a controlled substance offense, conspiracy to sell or deliver a schedule IV controlled substance and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. She was released after posting $15,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Britta P Re: Phone plus DSL at the same time Dear Webby Is it safe to dump my first phone number and just use the second one that has the DSL on it? Would I get knocked off the net if somebody calls in or if I call out? How does that work, in simple terms please! Thanks Britta P Dear Britta It's perfectly safe to do that. The phone and the DSL share the wire, but they use different frequencies. An analogy would be a glass fiber or rod that passes light through it. A beam of red light would carry the phone stuff, and a beam of blue light would carry the Internet stuff. At each end is a crystal prism that splits the light into the different colors of the rainbow. The phone only sees the red and reddish colors, and the DSL modem only sees the blue and bluish colors. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's color band. Exactly the same happens with your phone cable. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's frequency band. Usually the phone company installs a splitter and a separate line from there to your modem. That way the signal is not weakened by half a dozen phones around the house. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Richard for this one: In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store. We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision. Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a waitress. As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! You're the man who needs a shower!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Baking Soda I buy baking soda by the bag at Costco. I have one in the laundry room but don't need it taking up space in the kitchen and each bathroom. After washing and drying the plastic containers from flavored coffee creamers, I slit the labels to remove and mark the bottles accordingly with a Sharpie. They're easy to fill with a funnel and the pour top allows me to sprinkle as needed. There's one under each sink and the big bag is convenient for refills on a shelf in the garage. By mountainbrd from NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
went to the store with gramma and on the way home, was looking at the things she had purchased. found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size", then turned to gramma and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as mom's bed sheets!"
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Julia Sweeney "Sex Ed." Monologue 







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Using your name in newsletters 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 2

Thanks Jim!

Today in 
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de León claims Florida for Spain
1550 Jews are expelled from Genoa Italy 
1905 Cairo-Capetown railway opens 
1921 Professor Albert Einstein lectures in NYC on his new theory of relativity
1931 Teenage girl strikes out Babe Ruth & Lou Gehrig in an exhibition game in Chattanooga TN 
1932 Charles Lindbergh turns over $50,000 as ransom for kidnapped son 
1935 Sir Watson-Watt patents RADAR
1944 Soviet Army marches into pro-German Romania
1960 Cuba buys oil from USSR
1978 Velcro was 1st put on the market 
1980 Wayne Gretzky becomes 1st teenager to score 50 NHL goals in a season 
1987 IBM introduces PS/2 & OS/2
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Did you see this? Yesterday a 4.2 earthquake shook Arkansas. Over 2000 cars were knocked off their blocks. There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. --- John Ruskin The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Bob's wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So Bob went to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through for the large version. I got the last of Dad's March pictrues uploaded to Dawna.com Now it is up to you to tell me which one you like the best!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrew James Britt, 24 in Live Oak, FL Running Meth Lab In Camper Parked On Strangers' Lawn A Live Oak man has been arrested for manufacturing methamphetamine within the city limits of Live Oak, according to a press release from the Live Oak Police Department. Reports show that Andrew James Britt, 24, 1218 2nd Street, was arrested after police discovered he was operating a meth lab in a camper. According to the press release, officers responded to a residence on 2nd Street on March 26, in response to a report of suspicious activity. Upon arriving, authorities were told by the complainant that someone had been living in a camper in their yard without permission. When police entered the camper, they found Britt asleep, along with several suspicious items around him, the press release stated. Based on experience, it appeared to police that Britt was using the camper as a methamphetamine manufacturing laboratory, authorities say. “Britt later confirmed that he was living in the camper illegally and had been preparing meth inside the camper,” LOPD Detective Justin Bates stated in the press release. Britt was arrested and has been charged with possession of methamphetamine and manufacturing methamphetamine.
Tech Support Pits: From: Terri Re: Nice to use my name! thanks for putting terri63379 smiled....very nice of you.... Dear Terri Looks like you put "terri63379" into the "FIRST NAME" field, when you subscribed. I edited that to "Terri" now. You may have noticed, that I not only greet you with the name, that you used during the subscription, but occasionally also build your name into jokes. Naturally, a joke falls flat if the star's name is "terri53379", instead of "Terri". Just be glad you didn't put "Mrs Hortensia Oglethorpe-Smythe III" into the FIRST NAME field. Replacing "Little Johnny" with that really messes up a joke! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you have expensive decorative candles that burn down in the middle, get a bag of the cheap "tea-light" candles ($3.99 for 100 at Ikea) and set them into the hollow. If the hollow is deep, carve it so that the metal of the tea-light candle does not touch the sides of the hollow, set it on a slice of cork, and drill a little air hole to let fresh air in to just below the metal. That gives a much smoother and steadier flame. With tea-light candles you can make fancy decorative candles last practically forever. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A local Pastor joined a community service club, and the members thought they would have some fun with him. Under his name badge they printed, "Hog Caller" as his occupation. Everyone made a big fanfare as the badge was presented. The Pastor responded by saying, "I usually am called the "shepherd of the sheep'... but you know your people better than I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The proprietor of an optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$200.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $200.'" "If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'"
» Skyscapes





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How long does printer ink last? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 31

Thanks Jim!

Today in 
374 Halley's Comet approaches within 0.0884 astronomical units (AUs) of Earth 
1663 Holland fines unwed motherhood (50 guilder penalty) 
1748 Ruins of Pompeii found
1792 Dutch feminist Etta Palm demands women's right to divorce
1793 Volcano Unsen on Japan erupts killing about 53,000 
1826 Samuel Mory patents internal combustion engine
1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka become British crown colonies
1881 Anti-Jewish riots in Jerusalem
1888 Soccer team Sparta forms in Rotterdam
1889 1st dishwashing machine marketed (Chicago) 
1924 Hitler sentenced to 5 years labor
1929 Louie Marx introduces Yo-Yo 
1934 Bonnie & Clyde kill 2 police officers
1935 1st radio tube made of metal announced, Schenectady NY 
1941 Navy takes over Treasure Island (San Francisco Bay) 
1945 Canadian troops free key parts of Holland
1946 400,000 US mine workers strike 
1946 Weight Watchers forms 
1947 1st Jewish immigrants to Israel disembark at Port of Eilat 
1952 Big Bang theory proposed in Physical Review by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow 
1961 Jim Bakker marries Tammy Faye
1966 China premier Tsjoe en-Lai starts "Cultural revolution" 
1976 Stephen Wozniak & Steven Jobs originate Apple Computer 
1979 Iran proclaimed an Islamic Republic following fall of Shah 
1982 US formally transfers Canal Zone to Panamá
1986 World oil prices dip below $10 a barrel 
1990 It becomes illegal in Salem OR to be within 2' of nude dancers 
1991 Warsaw Pact officially dissolves 
1997 Comet Hale-Bopp Perihelion (0.914 AU) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S Truman "A recent study has found that more senior citizens than ever are entering college. College faculty says that the seniors are like any other students but take Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --- Conan O'Brien
Here is a classic that came back via Jolly: It was Palm Sunday, and the mother's 3 year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, and Jesus shows up!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like that for months."
Click through for the large version. Sydney
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason Wrenchy, 29 in Edmonds, Wash Wanted man text messages detective EDMONDS, Wash., March 28 (UPI) -- A man wanted on felony warrants was arrested after he sent a text message to a detective, police in Edmonds, Wash., said. Police detective Brian McIntyre said he received a text message from a number he didn't recognize. The text said, "Who are you?" and the detective responded with a similar question, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Wednesday. McIntyre said there was no response until he received another message from the phone number two days later. "And it said 'Come get me,' and then a not-so-nice word," he said. "I was like, oh, that sounds like a criminal." McIntyre said he plugged the number into a police computer and discovered it belonged to Jason Wrenchy, 29, a man McIntyre had previously arrested for burglary and drugs. He said Wrenchy had two outstanding warrants on felony charges. "We just decided I'll text him and see if he wants to meet me somewhere," he said. McIntyre said he was shocked when Wrenchy messaged back with an address, but not as shocked as the suspect was when he found himself under arrest. "In this case, he was obviously not so smart," McIntyre said. "I don't know if he ever knew who he was texting with."
Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: How long does printer ink last? Dear Webby How long does printer ink last? Ruth Dear Ruth High quality ink,like the ink from Atlantic Inkjet.com, will last for many years. Printer cartridges, though, will not last long unless they are used at least three times a week. The problem is with the way cartridges and print heads are designed and built. They dry out and become unusable, unless they are used frequently. Especially if you are buying the ridiculously cheap bulk ink from Atlantic Inkjet, make it a habit of printing a page every day. You can print over the same old print dozens of times, or print on any used paper. Just keep the cartridge in use and moist. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Sam was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," Sam replied. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "Anni, my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magazine Organizer From Recycled Wine Box I'm sure I'm the only one who drinks boxed wines, but in case there are others of you, here's a great idea. I had the box laying on the dryer waiting to be torn down for the recycle bin when I noticed the size is just about the same as a cardboard magazine organizer. I grabbed a flimsy organizer off my craft shelf, lined it up on the box, marked a few lines, and cut away. Not only is it a money saver, but the re-purposed wine boxes are much sturdier than the magazine boxes you can buy. I just covered it with some leftover contact paper and waited for the next box to empty! By DannieB from Seattle, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit per- fectly around his neck."
» Colors





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The Importance of Walking .... !! 

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.




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How do Iget rid of the shortcut arrow on icons 



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>
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 31

Today in 
1492 Queen Isabella of Castilia & Ferdinand of Aragon expel Jews from Spain
1504 France & Spain signs ceasefire 
1667 France/England sign anti-Dutch military accord 
1683 Emperor Leopold I/Poland signs covenant against Turkey
1745 Jews are expelled from Prague
1808 French created Kingdom of Westphalia orders Jews to adopt family names
1814 Forces allied against Napoleon capture Paris France 
1850 US population hits 23,191,876 (Black population: 3,638,808 (15.7%)) 
1854 Commodore Perry forces Japan to opens ports to foreign trade 
1880 1st town completely illuminated by electric lighting (Wabash IN) 
1889 300 meter Eiffel Tower officially opens (commemorates French Revolution)
1903 Richard Pearse flies monoplane several hundred yards (New Zealand) 
1917 US purchases Danish West Indies for $25M & renames them Virgin Islands
1920 British parliament accept Irish "Home Rule"-law
1921 Albert Einstein lectures in New York on his new theory of relativity 
1923 French soldiers fire on workers at Krupp factory in Essen, Germany
1932 Ford publicly unveils its V-8 engine 
1933 German Republic gives power to Hitler 
1939 Britain & France agree to support Poland if invaded by Germany
1943 US errantly bombs Rotterdam, kills 326
1944 Hungary orders all Jews to wear yellow stars
1945 US artillery lands on Keise Shima/begins firing on Okinawa 
1959 Dalai Lama fled China & was granted political asylum in India
1965 US ordered the 1st combat troops to Vietnam 
1966 25,000 anti war demonstrators march in New York NY 
1980 President Jimmy Carter deregulates banking industry 
1991 Soviet Republic of Georgia endorsed independence; Warsaw Pact dissolves
1992 UN Security Council voted to ban flights & arms sales to Libya
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." --- Socratex
Overheard in the line-up at the bank: Did you go to college?? No, I drink at home, I couldn't afford the $10,000 dollar cover charge!
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you, please, name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you added "AS" and wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through for the large version. Red Amarylis
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sarah Jones, Cincinnati Cheerleader And Teacher - Indicted For Having Sex With Student Covington, Ky. Sarah Jones, a Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleader and former Dixie Heights High School teacher, has been indicted on charges she had sex with a student while she was teaching. According to police, Jones had sex with a student while she was a teacher at Dixie Heights High School. She was indicted on a first-degree charge of sexual abuse and one count of unlawful use of electronic means to induce a minor to engage in sexual or prohibited acts. (sending him naked pictures most likely). Sarah Jones' mother, Cheryl Jones, was indicted on a charge of tampering with evidence. Cheryl Jones is the Principal of Twenhofel Middle School in independence. Sarah Jones, 26, resigned from her teaching position in November, 2011, using a one sentence resignation. She cited "personal reasons" as her reason for quitting the job. She is currently the team captain for the Cincinnati Ben-Gals cheerleading squad and has cheered with them for the last five years. Both women were booked into the Kenton County Jail on Thursday. Sarah Jones' bond was set at $50,000. Her mother Cheryl Jones' bond was set at $30,000. -------------- I realize that probably only one of today's teachers in a Million could pass the Grade 8 exams we passed, but why are they picking gossipy toy-boys so frequently?
Tech Support Pits: From: Many Re: How do I get rid of the shortcut arrow? How do I get rid of the silly shortcut arrow? Nobody except a Microsoft programmer would store files or program on the desktop, so all icons are shortcuts to SOME place other than the desktop, and the silly arrow is just a nuisance. How do I get rid of it? Many With Windows XP and previous versions all the way back to Windows 95, the best method is to use TweakUI. For Windows7 and 8 you need stronger ammo to fix that nuisance. You COULD hack around in the registry, but I consider that as a last resort. The easiest and most reliable method is to download the "Vista Shortcut Overlay Remover" Program There are two different programs, depending on whether your Windows is 32 bit or 64 bit. Hold down the Windows key and hit the PAUSE key to see which version you got, then download the appropriate program from my Tool Box. They are free. I moved the link way up near the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make? God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon answered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM I use a heavy pyrex measuring cup (4 or 6 cups) for that, and usually fill it half way with water. Unlike cans, a heavy pyrex measuing cup never gets knocked over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the middle aged cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, don't you want a cart?" "Nah," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Unflinching, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $600.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $600 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" Just then the foreman comes into the room with his wallet in his hand. He looks around and says, "Hey! Where did the pizza delivery guy go to ?"
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Easy way to make icons 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today in 
0239 -BC- 1st recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet 
1533 Henry VIII divorces his 1st wife, Catherine of Aragon
1603 Battle at Mellifont: English army under Lord Mountjoy beats Irish
1814 Britain & allies march into Paris after defeating Napoleon
1842 Ether was used as an anaesthetic for 1st time by Dr Crawford Long (Jefferson GA) 
1870 15th Amendment passes, guarantees right to vote regardless of race
1870 Texas becomes last confederate state readmitted to Union
1911 Lötschberg tunnel in Switzerland, 13,735 meter (8.5 Miles) completed
1919 Belgian Army occupies Düsseldorf 
1944 781 British bombers attack Neurenberg 
1950 Phototransistor invention announced, Murray Hill NJ 
1972 North Vietnamese troops enter South Vietnam
1981 President Reagan shot & wounded by John W Hinckley Jr 
1992 Man accidentally backs into A's Jose Canseco's $225,000 Lamborghini 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The most unpardonable sin in society is independence of thought." --- Emma Goldman The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Ellen Parr
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like. She said, "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten the know you sooner!"
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answer is, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Jasmine bush Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lindsey Morgan, 31 Woman Seven Months Pregnant Drives Drunk, Crashes Into Tree While Fleeing Police Buckley, Mich. Lindsey Morgan, a 31-year-old Michigan woman, was charged with DUI after she allegedly crashed into a tree while fleeing from police. All while being seven months pregnant with a 2-year-old inside the car. According to the Wexford County Sheriff's Office, Morgan punched the gas pedal and fled when an officer tried to pull her over Wednesday about 10 p.m.. The pursuit came to an abrupt stop when Morgan's vehicle crashed into a tree. She was taken into custody by a Wexford County deputy. Investigators say Morgan was intoxicated at twice the legal limit for operating a motor vehicle. She is also seven months pregnant and had her 2-year-old daughter inside the vehicle. Morgan was booked into the Wexford County Jail and charged with DUI - Third Offense.
Tech Support Pits: From: Calla Re: How do I make icons? Dear Webby, I need to make a bunch of icons for vision impaired people. Yes, I know there are tons of icons hidden in Windows and where, but I have to make new ones. What program do you recommend for that? . Calla Dear Calla Any decent paint program will work, and even indecently crude ones, as long as you can save a file as .BMP Before you start painting, make a directory and call it ICONS. You can take existing pictures as long as they have lots of contrast and not too many details. Shrink them to 64 x 64 pixels and see if they are still usable. Many pictures become unrecognizable when you do that. You may have to increase contrast and replace the background. Work on it in maximum Zoom and check it at normal size until it looks OK. Save the icons in BMP format into that ICONS directory. Once you have them all done, close the paint program and use Windows Explorer and rename the files to .ICO Note! You can not do that if the files are still open in the paint program. You HAVE to close them. After that, just right-click on an icon that you want to replace, click on Properties, Change Icon, and browse to the ICONS directory, choose the right icon and doubleclick it to select it. Then hit APPLY and OK and the new icon will show up. I have a hunch I know what tomorrow's most frequent question will be: How do I get rid of the ugly shortcut arrow on the icons? Wanna bet? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Cindy pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Paper Towels Serve Dual Purpose For those of us who still find paper towels a necessity, try this to get more out of them. Every time I wash my hands and use a paper towel to dry them off (especially in flu and cold season!), I use the fact that it is wet and give a quick clean-up swipe to either the splashes of water on the sink and counter top or another small spot of dirt that could use the ol' once-over. It makes me feel a bit better about using paper towels in my house! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The veterinarian told Judy that her dog needed a lot more exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball. "I can't play fetch with my dog," Judy said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," she replied, "He can't throw."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During a quarrel with his parents, little LeRoy cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. "Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me." "Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, till I get my coat, I'll go with you."
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How to make a shorcut on desktop that goes to a site 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 29

Today in 
1461 Battle near Towton Field, 33,000 die (War of the Roses) 
1638 1st permanent white settlement in Delaware (Swedish Lutherans) 
1798 Republic of Switzerland forms
1804 Thousands of Whites massacred in Haiti 
1827 20,000 attend Ludwig von Beethovens burial in Vienna
1847 12,000 US troops capture Vera Cruz, Mexico
1848 Niagara Falls stops flowing for 30 hours due to an ice jam 
1864 Great Britain gives Isotope Islands back to Greece
1867 British North America Act (Canadian constitution) is passed 
1886 Chemist John Pemberton begins to advertise for Coca-Cola (with cocaine) 
1927 Henry O D Segrave races his Sunbeam to a record 203.79 mph at Daytona; 
1st auto to exceed 200 mph (322 kph) 
1942 British cruiser Trinidad torpedoes itself in the Barents Sea 
1949 Turkey recognizes Israel
1964 1st true Pirate Radio station, Radio Caroline (England) 
1973 Last US troops leave Vietnam, 9 years after Tonkin Gulf Resolution 
1989 1st Soviet hockey players are permitted to play for the NHL 
1994 Serbs & Croats signed a cease-fire to end the war in Croatia
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead Just like in biographies, in many diaries the dates are are often lonely islands of facts. --- Socratex
Thanks to Alf for thos one: Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

Customer: Can this wool coat be worn in wet weather? Clerk: Madam, have you ever seen a sheep carry an umbrella?
Click through for the large version. Myanmar
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nicole Jacques, 25 Teacher Charged With Repeatedly Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Hatfield, Penn. (The Weekly Vice) - Nicole Jacques, a 25-year-old former teacher at Calvary Baptist School in Landsdale, has been jailed after she repeatedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched in February after the parents of a 15-year-old boy complained that Jacques was having "excessive and inappropriate contact" with their son. During the investigation, detectives learned that Jacques met the boy while teaching at Calvary Baptist School, but she resigned her position in late 2011. Following the resignation, Jacques continued to contact the teen, which soon developed into a sexual relationship. Investigators say Jacques and the boy repeatedly had sex at her apartment. Jacques was booked into jail and charged with 20 counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, 20 counts of statutory sexual assault, 10 counts of unlawful contact with a minor and 20 counts of corruption of minors. She was arraigned on Monday and her bail was set at $50,000. Her next court appearance has been set for April 4th.
Tech Support Pits: From: Moe Re: shorcut on desktop that goes to a site Dear Webby, Any way to put a shorcut on desktop that goes to a site? Specifically i have Lycos as my search engine of choice. Tired of google quirks. So must go to browser Favs or Bookmarks and use that path. Should be a way to save link to desktop? Not see at their site. Would be a good idea to tell them to add the function for other lost users. moe Dear Moe Look at the address bar in your browser. Just to the left of it, there is a tiny icon, if the site has a "Favicon", a poorly documented and not properly implemented feature in Windows, or some kind of small icon. Go to for example http://webby.com/humor You will see a tiny icon of me laughing. Drag that onto an empty spot on your desktop. Instant shortcut icon. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new roof. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls for Seedlings I save the cardboard centers from toilet paper. These are excellent for starting seeds for my garden in the early spring. When the conditions are right for planting, I simply plant seedling in its cardboard core. By Judi S. from Six Mile, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Neville had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered a job at the council as a garbage collector, he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow from his old neighborhood who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, stood up. The teacher said, ", do you really think you're stupid?" "No, ma'am", said, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" +
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The Right Person for the Right Job 

Looking for just the right employees? Try this simple personnel test. Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.

If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking aloud, send them to consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, computer information systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the help desk.

If they mention the good price for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical writing team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.





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How much RAM does XP need? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 28

Today in 
1738 English parliament declares war on Spain
1774 Britain passes Coercive Act against Massachusetts 
1797 Nathaniel Briggs of New Hampshire patents a washing machine
1799 New York State abolished slavery
1804 Ohio passed law restricting movement of Blacks
1845 Mexico drops diplomatic relations with US 
1854 During the Crimean War, Britain & France declare war on Russia
1866 1st ambulance goes into service 
1885 US Salvation Army officially organized 
1917 Jews are expelled from Tel Aviv & Jaffa by Turkish authorities 
1935 Goddard uses gyroscopes to control a rocket
1939 Dutch hunter shoots English bombers down 
1939 Spanish Civil War ends, Madrid falls to Francisco Franco 
1941 Sea battle at Cape Matapan: British fleet under Cunningham defeats Italy
1942 234 RAF bombers attack Lübeck
1994 Italy's right-wing alliance under Silvio Berlusconi wins election 
1995 World's largest banks-Japan's Mitsubishi Bank & Bank of Tokyo merge 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
A blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the blind farmer in the back. The farmer turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw him to the ground with a thump that left it breathless. "Goodness!" said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "I owe it all to faith," said the blind farmer. "And if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of his bike, I'd have thrashed him good and properly."
Dogfood Secrets from the Dogfood Conspiracy

>From Brent Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
Click through for the large version. Rice Land China
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michael Gorneau, 46 Man pocket dials 911 while stealing A Connecticut man accidentally called 911 on his cell phone while he was allegedly stealing 700 pounds of scrap metal from a local business Thursday. Police initially thought the call was a medical emergency, since they could only hear rustling in the background before the call disconnected, according to Southington Patch. But once identified the caller's location using GPS, they arrived at the scene to find Michael Gorneau, 46, had transferred the metal from a local business's dumpster into his pick-up truck. Gorneau accidentally called 911 while crawling under a fence, police told Southington Patch. They initially thought the call might be a medical emergency, since they could only hear rustling in the background. The metal belonged to a company that makes metal doors, NBC Connecticut reported. Far from being trash, it's generally sold to help pay for the employees' benefits. Gorneau was charged with third-degree trespassing and sixth-degree larceny larceny. He was released from jail on $5,000 bond, and is scheduled to appear in court on April 2.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: How much memory for XP ? Dear Webby, One of my home computers is a Dell running Windows XP Professional. I have 1G memory. Browsers seem to crash fairly often, Firefox and Chrome. I suspect they run into memory problems when several tabs, not many, are open. Before I get more memory, I wonder if the rather massive number of things that load at start-up might be a problem, Since I don't know what they all do. Is there somewhere I can find out what is essential and what I can forgo? I am sending this message using Netscape Navigator 9 which seems not to have that problem. -- Wm W. P. Dear Bill 1 GB is not really enough for nowadays. Be a big spender and get another MB. To sort out what starts up I use StartupCop from PC Magazine. It costs $8, but is well worth it. It lets you disable unwanted stuff and does a fair job explaining what each item does. You should still get that second MB of RAM from DELL or TigerDirect, but StartupCop will help to eliminate unwanted or obsolete stuff and generally clean things up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now our boat is the only urinal for 500 miles around!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls for Seedlings I save the cardboard centers from toilet paper. These are excellent for starting seeds for my garden in the early spring. When the conditions are right for planting, I simply plant seedling in its cardboard core. By Judi S. from Six Mile, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paddy and Mick were nailing up the side of a wooden house. Mick noticed that Paddy was examining the nails and throwing away every second and third. ”What's wrong with the nails?” he asked. ”Sure the heads are at the wrong end.” ”You are stupid you idiot, can't you see they are for the other side of the house?”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Finnegan’s wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "Yes, of course she did." "Well, what did she say?" "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said Finnegan. "I stopped listening twenty years ago."
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