What to do when Eudora slowed down? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 17.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

This is like deja vu all over again. --- Yogi Berra The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it. --- Pearl Buck (1892 - 1973)
>From Lynn As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who had just checked in after a long flight came by and asked me where the lift was. "Go down the hill," I told them, "out the door, past the pool, 200 yards down the block, and you'll see it on your right." Their tired faces suddenly looked even more exhausted, until the man behind them spoke up. "These folks are from England," he said. "I think they're looking for the elevator."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Davie, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!" The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Davie how he knew this. Little Davie said, "Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"
Click on the picture for the large version Waiting While looking for something else, I came across this picture, that I took in Arizona about ten years ago. Do you see a woman, boobs and knees pointing towards you, and her head turned to her right (your left) down towards Phoenix, as if she was waiting. And turned to stone.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vincent Valvo, 19,Vero beach, Florida Mama's Boy jailed for Calling 911, twice, Because He Didn't Like The Way His Mother Spoke To Him Reported by The Weekly Vice Vincent Valvo, a 19-year-old Florida man was jailed Thursday after he allegedly called 911 to complain that he didn't like the way his mother was talking to him. According to the Indian River County Sheriff's Office, a deputy was dispatched to a residence Valvo shares with his parents after he called 911 to report a domestic disturbance. When the deputy arrived on the scene, Valvo stated that he was upset by the way his mother spoke to him. The deputy told Valvo that his call was an improper use of 911 and warned him about the penalties associated with the offense. A short while later, a second deputy was dispatched to the residence after receiving another 911 call from Valvo. When the deputy arrived on the scene, Valvo was sitting on the front steps of the residence doing something with his phone. When the deputy asked Valvo what he could do for him, Valvo stated that he "wanted to leave." When the deputy asked where he wanted to go, Valvo stared at his phone and wouldn't respond. When the deputy asked Valvo if he was thinking of hurting himself, Valvo responded "fuck no" according to the arrest affidavit. When the deputy asked Valvo why he called 911 again, Valvo stated that he "didn't like the way his mom talked to him." The officer also noted that Valvo's words were slurred and he smelled of alcoholic beverage. That's when the deputy tired of playing twenty questions with Valvo and placed him under arrest. He was booked into the Indian River County Jail and charged with improper use of 911. He was released after posting $500 bond. Valvo's prior arrests in Indian River County include theft and disorderly intoxication. Tech Support Pits FROM: David RE: Eudora slowed down Dear Webby A couple of weeks ago Eudora starting slowing way down to delete an email, as long as 30 seconds or more for deletion. Had a friend come over to clean up my computer. As a result Eudora went back to deleting emails quickly. However I discovered Windows XP thought I did not have an anti-virus program. So today I downloaded McAfee again that Eudora went back to taking forever to delete emails. Any idea how I can fix this? David Dear David Dump the trash, both Recycle Bin and Eudora In Eudora reduce the IN box and OUT box by filing stuff into mail boxes like IN-2000, IN-2001, etc, or topics like PRAYERS, Porno, Recipes, etc. Keep IN, OUT and TRASH as lean as possible. Then go to SPECIAL, Compact Mailboxes After that Eudora will be happy again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use CDs to Make Driveway Reflectors I live in an area that does not have street lights and at night it is difficult to "see" my driveway. I checked on red reflectors and they are quite expensive. I have now placed old computer disks on my mail box post and they reflect great. We arranged them in a "pattern" so they look attractive all the time. I also placed some in my trees at Christmas and these are really neat with some outdoor lights shining in their direction. By Betty from FL After AOL switched from sending floppy disks to sending CDs to everybody, I used to make Sun-Catchers with them: They are very pretty close up, and flashes can be seen from a few miles away. Drilling holes into them andusing fishing line is OK for indoor use, but the first storm will destroy them. For outdoor use you get more use out of them if you use shoe- laces through the center hole. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

Two little old ladies are sitting on a bench in Miami Beach. A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman next to him asks, "Are you a stranger here?" He replies, "I used to live here years ago." "So, where were you all these years?" "In prison," he says. "For what did they put you in prison?" He looks at her, and very quietly says, "I killed my wife." "Oh," says the woman, and turning to the other woman proclaims: "Edna! He's single !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs."
» Old Gas Stations


Today, April 16, in
1421 Dikes at Dort Holland break, 100,000 drown
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to 
 find a passage to Asia and the Indies.
1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated.
1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano.
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the 
 American Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered 
 the seizure of U.S. ships.
1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton.
1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54' 40'.
1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire 
 escapes to be provided for tenement houses.
1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. 
 It was the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the 
 treaty China ceded Taiwan to Japan.
1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful 
 helicopter lift-off from water near Stratford, CT.
1946 The last French troops left Syria.
1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba 
 at the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro. 
 It was an unsuccessful attack.
1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane 
 solo around the world.
1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model.
1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia, 
 Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war.
1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters.
1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W. Beirut.
1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people 
 in a road ambush.
1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status.
1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former police
 officers of violating the civil rights of beaten motorist 
 Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted.
1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison 
 without parole for killing their parents.
2013  smiled


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How to back up Gmail? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 16.
It is snowing again.
We usually have half a day of "Crazy April Weather"
type snow, but this many days of snowing is not
normal. Al Gore's fear mongering and BS must have
upset Mother Nature, or else he just invented the 
whole BS at the wrong time, at the end of the 
warming ripple. 

Bad timing, just like Carl Sagan and his fear mongering 
about a coming ice age, right at the end of the 
cooling ripple.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) The best mirror is an old friend. --- George Herbert (1593 - 1633), 1651 There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied... "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would recognize....."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Here is an old favorite: There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we possibly do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. The man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me. SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL:The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical,Sister? A nun with her dress up can run a lot faster than a man with his pants down. (And those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's.....)
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Boyers, 24, Louisville, KY Married Teacher - jailed for Having Sex With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Jessica Boyers, a 24-year-old language arts teacher at Highland Middle School, has been jailed after she was caught having sex with a student. According to Louisville Metro Police, officers were on routine patrol at Buechel Park when they noticed unusual activity inside a car, that was parked at the location. When officers approached the vehicle, a boy that was with Boyers admitted to having sexual contact with her a short while earlier. Further investigation revealed that Boyer's is the juvenile's teacher. Boyers, who is married, was arrested at the park just before midnight. She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree sexual abuse. She was released Friday morning after posting bail. Tech Support Pits FROM: Kay RE: Backing up Gmail Dear Webby, Hope all is well with you, and that you are getting along well with your eyes. My question..since yahoo mail has erased everyones email and you cannot get them to retreive it. I was wondering is there any way to save, export or anything else from my gmail? I know I'm paranoid, but never know when these sites will change. I don't have anything that would be the end of the world, but would hate to loose what I have in folders. Any info you could give me would be appreciated. Keep up the great newsletter, don't go a day without reading it. Thank you, Kay Dear Kay Most people do the opposite, they use Gmail as their back-up, since you can store 7 GIGAbytes of stuff there, and since they have a better record of keeping your data safe than any other method. However, if you want to back up your Gmail, there are a few methods. The most popular one, of course, is to set your GMAIL to POP, and pull it down with any full-feaured email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Thunderbird, etc., or even Outluck or Windows Live. You can keep the mail on Gmail, basically just download a copy. For example, the geniusses, who wrote Eudora, included the checkbox for "Leave Mail On Server" in 1993. Put a checkmark into that box, and Gmail acts as your Iron Mountain archive. Even if you lose your computer, everything is still safe up in the cloud. Most other email programs copied that feature. If you want to have a copy of your mail on a smart-phone or iPad, just sync. If you want to download your contacts into Windows, click on the tiny Down arrow beside "Gmail". It is very inconspicuous, about two inches from the top in the left side, cleverly hidden right in front of your nose. Pull that down and select Contacts In there, again cleverly hidden in front of your nose is "MORE",in the middle, a bit less than two inches from the top. Very inconspicuously. Pull that down and select EXPORT In there you can select which contacts to export, and in which format. It is all there, but since almost nobody ever does it, there is no simple shortcut to it. There are fancy programs, that go find that Export button for you, and then let you do the same, as if you had succeeded in finding it on your own. Now, if you want to export the mail texts to your computer, there is Gmail Backup at http://www.gmail-backup.com/, I have never used it, since I have set my Gmail to forward to my Webby mail, which I manage with Eudora. In my case, Gmail is just an archive of what winds up in my computer automatically. There are no complaints about Gmail Backup, and like the DearWebby Humor letter, there is no PAY NOW button, just a Please Donate. If you do want to copy your old Gmails to your coomputer, that would be the program to use. Weed out your Gmail first. Search for any words or phrases used by spammers, and dump those mails. The same with mails from nuisances like ex-mother-in-laws or ex-boyfriends. Any mails, that you won't ever look up again, dump them. The reason for that is that the first back-up to your computer will be VERY slow and take a long time. Subsequent back-ups just add the new stuff, and will be much faster. Personally, I would recommend that you set your Gmail to forward to your ISP based email, as long as that is not Yahoo or Sbcglobal or MSN, set your Gmail to not delete mail after forwarding, and set your earth based email program to leave mail on the server. Then you can use whatever full featured email program that strikes your fancy. The most popular ones are Eudora, Pegasus, Thunderbird, Outlook, Windows Live, Outluck Depressed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Duct Tape To Label Food Storage Containers I found myself wasting too much time, tape and energy placing labels on my frozen and fridge food containers. I bought WHITE duct tape and use a Sharpie to write contents on "labels" made from the tape. The ink comes off easily with soapy water for re-use, the tape remains securely on the lid "forever". I keep small precut "labels' stuck inconspicuously behind my cabinet door and can pull one off for immediate use on new lids. For fridge items, I can read the label tops without moving items around when searching for the mayo. By Avis Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!" "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."
» Loopy Ribbons


Today, April 16, in
0069 Otho committed suicide after being defeated by 
 Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum.
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries 
 of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended.
1175 Frederick I, Holy Roman Emperor, signed the 
 Treaty of Montebello with the Lombard League.
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton.
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden.
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border.
1851 A lighthouse was swept away in a gale at Minot’s Ledge, MA.
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake.
1862 In the U.S., slavery was abolished by law in the 
 District of Columbia.
1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across 
 the English Channel.
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start 
 Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile.
1922 The Soviet Union and Germany signed the Treaty of 
 Rapallo under which Germany recognized the Soviet Union 
 and diplomatic and trade relations were restored.
1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross 
 in recognition for heroism under constant German air 
 attack.
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman accidently
 discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of LSD-25 while 
 working on the medicinal value of lysergic acid.
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa.
1945 American troops entered Nuremberg, Germany.
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
 demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens 
 to exhibit zooming effects.
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, 
 carrying ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and 
 blew up. The explosions and resulting fires killed 
 576 people.
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine 
 Affray sank in the English Channel.
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin 
 coming home from Vietnam.
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. 
 It was the fifth manned moon landing.
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country 
 Kampuchea and began a reign of terror.
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
 in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with 
 Britain.
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for 
 raids.
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to 
 Nicaragua after finding weapons, explosives and 
 ammunition on the planes.
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting 
 of new animals created by genetic engineering.
1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and 
 former lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts.
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect threatened 
 fish stocks in the north Atlantic.
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL).
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at 
 Virginia Tech before killing himself. 
2013  smiled


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How important is the profile picture on FB ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 15.

Do you remember my April Fools spoof about space sinach
because I could not find spinach in any stor?
It seems somebody at Walmart heard about that, and they
now have spinach. The can are dented and apparently from
a discount supplier specializing on dents and transport
damage. I don't care, as long as the cans are not bloated
or leaking. The contents were great, and tightly packed, 
not just mostly water. If you like spinach, go have a look!


If you are on FaceBook, send me a Friend Request.
I will confirm it, as soon as I see it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The trouble with normal is it always gets worse. --- Bruce Cockburn
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Thanks to Bob for this: Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, "All those opposed to my plan say, 'I resign.'" End of meeting.
Yesterday's picture was from the Efteling Theme park in the netherlands. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rickesha Burns, 21, Phoenix, AZ Jailed for Shoving Sex Toy So Far Into Toddler Son's Anus, Surgery Was Required To Have It Removed Reported by The Weekly Vice Rickesha Burns, a 21-year-old Phoenix woman, was jailed late last month after she allegedly shoved a vibrator so far up her 2-year-old son's anus, surgery was required to get it back out. According to Phoenix Police, officers were dispatched to Burns' residence after receiving a report of 'unknown trouble' at her home. When officers arrived on the scene, they found Burns' son "crying hysterically" and bleeding from his anus. The child was immediately rushed to Phoenix Children's Hospital for examination. At the hospital, doctors advised detectives that a foreign object resembling a vibrator or similar sex toy was lodged deep inside the boy's rectum. Doctors also alerted investigators to sharp object injuries around the boy's anus - and advised that it appeared someone had used a hanger to get the object out of the boy's rectum. When detectives interviewed Burns, she told them that she had been at a park with her son earlier in the day when an unknown 12-year-old boy walked up to her son and made him cry. She said she had been checking her phone for text messages "for about ten seconds" when "something happened" and her son began to cry. Burns went on to say that she "worked hard to get her son back and would not do anything like this to hurt her son," according to the arrest affidavit. Burns may have been referring to a previous case in 2011 in which she was investigated for child abuse. Officers determined that no evidence could be found to indicate that Burns had been to a park that day or that any child could have inserted a vibrator into her son's rectum in the span of 10 seconds as Burns claimed. She was booked into jail and charged with sexual conduct with a minor and child abuse. The child has been scheduled to have the object removed from his anus, however no reports indicate how the surgery went. Tech Support Pits FROM: Audrey RE: How important is a mugshot on FaceBook? Dear Webby, I see that most people have a mug shot or cut of a family picture, some have a total make-over glamor shot, but some have a picture of a pet or flowers. How important is it to have a personal picture at the mug shot location? Audrey Dear Audrey Cougars, who are on the prowl, use total make-over glamor shots or old pictures,like their graduation picture. Those, of course, are cruising for heartbreak, when somebody finds out they are not who they pretend to be. You yourself will feel more comfortable too with a simple every day picture, than having to try to live up to an impossible dream. If you don't have a camera, get a friend to take a picture. No fancy glamor shots, just an every day picture, that you have no problem living up to. Some people hide behind pictures of pets or flowers scanned from seed catalogs. Whatever their reason is for hiding, they obviously don't want to increase their circle of friends or reconnect with old friends. Take your pick, but don't go to a lot of effort and hassle to get a fancy and pretentious picture. Remember, your neighbors and relatives know you without the wig and the big DD interview foamies, and would tease you to no end, if your FaceBook picture is too different from reality. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Milk Jug Electric Cord Reel I use the electric leaf blower frequently to blow off the porch and carport. I've just been looping the cord and laying it across the blower for storage and having to untangle it every time I use it. I told my husband that we needed to purchase a reel to keep the cord on. A reel makes it easier to store the cord and keeps it from getting tangled up. The idea popped into my head to use a milk jug so I gave it a try and it works. I cut out a section opposite the handle to make some sides to hold the cord. Holding the jug by the handle, I wrapped the cord around the jug. This works, however, I think a heavier jug will work even better. I may not have to spend money on a reel after all. By Betty from NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

Thanks to Irene for this one: While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation." Luckily violence was averted by the young woman sitting next to me. She said, just as loudly: "I can hear it loud and clear, and I am writing it down word for word for my gossip column in the paper." They got up and left in a huff. I gave my good gold colored pen to the young woman, AND my chocolate bar.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellekshual?'"
» Loopy Ribbons


Today, April 15, in
0069 Battle at Bedriacum, North-Italy 
1205 Battle at Adrianople Bulgaria beats Emperor Boudouin 
 of Constantinople
1450 French defeat English at Battle of Formigny in 100 Years' War
1493 Columbus meets with King Ferdinand & Queen Isabella
1621 Hugo the Great arrives in France
1632 Swedish & Saxon army beat Earl Tilly
1715 Uprising of Yamasse-Indians in South Carolina
1716 Russian & Prussian troops occupy Wismar 
1738 Bottle opener invented 
1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland.
1776 Duchess of Kingston found guilty of bigamy 
1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish 
 held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of 
 Alabama.
1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated 
 Spanish loyalists.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army.
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries 
 inflicted by John Wilkes Booth.
1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas.
1892 The General Electric Company was organized.
1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement 
 Company.
1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic 
after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people 
died and more than 700 people survived.
1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras.
1919 British troops killed 400 more Indians at Amritsar, India.
1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering 
 with diabetes.
1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway.
1945 During World War II, British and Canadian troops liberated 
 the Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen.
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle.
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the official Japanese 
 peace treaty.
1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air.
1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit 
 rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. 
 Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups.
1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston 
 automobile had been developed.
1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour.
1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight 
 student nurses.
1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the 
 bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986.
1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy 
 protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader Hu Yaobang. 
 The protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre.
1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds 
 were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a 
 crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four 
 died on the day of the incident and two more later died from 
 their injuries.
1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court 
 judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her 
 husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption.
2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were 
 arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Delta? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 13.

If you are on FaceBook, send me a Friend Request.
I will confirm it, as soon as I see it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I never lie because I don't fear anyone. You only lie when you're afraid. --- John Gotti A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?" the checker asked. "Yes," the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!" said the checker.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tuesday Parks, 31, in Rogers, Arkansas Jailed for having too many illegal pills Reported by The Weekly Vice Tuesday Parks, a 31-year-old Arkansas Woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly attacked her boyfriend for attempting to take away her pills, then hid a bottle of pills inside her vagina. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence after receiving a report regarding a domestic disturbance. When officers arrived on the scene, Parks appeared to be highly intoxicated and was verbally combative with anyone who tried to talk to her. Parks' boyfriend told officers that a struggle broke out when he attempted to take away some prescription pills that were in her possession. That's when Parks allegedly threw her boyfriend against a door and began choking him. Officers noted redness and swelling around the boyfriend's neck. Officers then learned that Parks had instructed her young daughter to hide her pills throughout the residence. The pills were rounded up and given to officers. When officers took Parks into custody, they found a marijuana pipe and more prescription pills in her pocket. Officers collected 73 pills from various prescriptions in all. Investigators say Parks made "numerous furtive movements" during her trip to jail and kept unbuttoning her pants. During the booking process, a strip search was conducted which revealed a prescription bottle containing 45 more pills hidden inside her vagina. Parks attempted to throw the bottle into a nearby toilet and then flush them down, however deputies were able to recover the pill bottle. Parks was booked into the Washington County Detention Center and charged with aggravated assault, introducing a controlled substance into a secure facility, tampering with evidence, third-degree domestic battery, endangering the welfare of a minor and unlawfull possession of prescription medication. Her bond has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits FROM: Samantha RE: FireFox opens a banned page Dear Webby, Whenever I try to open a new tab, FireFox goes to a site, that McAfee Site Advisor objects to. Samantha Dear Samantha What is the URL that you get hijacked to? DearWebby Delta Search Dear Samantha Dealta Search is a nasty hijacker, that you or somebody agreed to in lieu of paying for software. Some sleazy stuff foists that on you, AND claims to be free. Well, lots of people have fallen for that scam, and tehre are quite a few sites, that offer removal instructions. Here is a roundup of the most popular Delta Search removal sites. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Leftover Candle Wax for Firestarters I save our empty toilet and paper towel tubes, stuff them with waste paper and junk mail or even pine cones. Then I melt my small, leftover candle pieces in a old candle warmer, or in a tin can that is placed in a pot of water on the stove just until it melts. I pour the melted candle over the tubes. Make sure you either do this over a garbage can or stack of papers so you don't spill candle wax anywhere! That's a whole other tip! ;) I use these little firestarters when we go camping to start our fires or even to start our woodburning stove up from a cold start! Makes starting fires a little easier. Kids can help stuff them all year round and dream about summer camping! By Donna Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

These are actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, AL metropolitan area. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Statistics. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section." A: The caesarian section is the red light district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if both of you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."
» Amazing graveyards


Today, April 13, in
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes 
 which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots.
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle 
 of Bergen.
1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act 
 to South, Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey 
 and Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country 
 other than Britain and Ireland.
1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance.
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion 
 to Catholics.
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed.
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when 
 a westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from 
 St. Joseph, MO.
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held 
 Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederates.
1916 The first hybrid, seed corn was purchased 
 for 15-cents a bushel by Samuel Ramsay.
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian 
 nationalists in the Amritsar Massacre.
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was 
 completed by Lord Clydesdale.
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia.
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops a month after 
 Austria stopped fighting..
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that 
 cortizone was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis.
1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from 
 voting for Communists.
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into 
 Earth's orbit.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa 
 due to apartheid.
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded 
 announced price increases. The John F. Kennedy 
 administration had been applying pressure against the 
 price increases.
1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing 
 a planned moon landing.
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the 
 World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish
 officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously 
 blamed the massacre on the Nazis.
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural
 birth to a healthy baby lamb.
1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 
 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. 
 Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes" 
 in 1998.
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a 
 day after taking office. Thousands of protesters had 
 protested the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 
2013  smiled


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Criteria for selecting a Laser Printer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Good Friday, April 12.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Had to go up to the hospital today for blood sampling.
We had a nasty blizzard, but hiking up out of the valley it
was at my back and I was sailing up there in record time.

Coming back was a different story. It felt like I was on
my motorcycle driving against a hail storm without a face 
shield. 

In the valley visibility was about six feet. Standing in 
front of a street sign and wiping the snow off the glasses,
I could just barely make out the numbers. Luckily I knew
the differences in sidewalk ending on each Avenue, and 
turned at the proper one and made it home OK.

Was this why I left the Yukon and moved South?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. --- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, And toss them on the wheels of Chance. --- Juvenal (55 AD - 127 AD)
Thanks to Alf for this: My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like Cripes. For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of Gosh? of the church of Holy Moly. I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in Heck?
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "I suppose so," she replied. "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?" "Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice." "Would you make love to him?" "Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband." "Would you give him my car?" "No," she yawned, "He can't drive a manual transmission car."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sheena Cornwell, 28, Des Moines, Iowa Jailed After Hanging Dog To Death In Garage Because She Was Tired Of Hearing The Animal Bark Reported by The Weekly Vice Sheena Cornwell, a 28-year-old Iowa woman, was jailed Saturday after she hung her and her boyfriend's dog to death because she was annoyed with the animal's barking. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence after receiving a 911 call from Cornwell's boyfriend, Joshua VanDyke. VanDyke told investigators that he had just returned home from work Saturday when he noticed that Cornwell was angry with the dog's barking. He stated that Cornwell placed the dog inside the garage so she wouldn't have to listen to the noise. She became increasingly annoyed, however, when she could still hear the dog barking. That's when she allegedly went back to the garage and hung the animal from a garage rafter using the animal's collar and leash. Cornwell reportedly watched the dog kick and struggle for a ten minute period until she saw that it was dead. She then allegedly came back inside the house and announced that she had taken care of the noise. VanDyke called police after going to the garage and seeing what Cornwell had done. "She did not appear remorseful. She said she saw nothing wrong with her actions,' said Des Moines Police spokesperson, Greg Catron. "She didn't think there was anything wrong with the way she put this dog to death. This is the first time I've ever seen a dog strung up like that. The dog deserved better than that." Cornwell was booked into jail and charged with animal torture. VanDyke told a local reporter that he has since ended his 4-year long relationship with Cornwell. Tech Support Pits FROM: Diane RE: Criteria for a Laser Printer Dear Webby, Forgive my stupid question... I could never be accused of being a "techie" ... but would you be so kind as to tell me some of the features I should inquire about? I download a lot of quilt patterns and templates, as well as just text articles. I'd also like to be able to print off good copies for my grandchildren occasionally. My problem is that I don't know the lingo and don't know what to ask for... the perfect captive audience. Thank you for your help. I do enjoy your newsletter. Diane Dear Diane If you print eBooks or big stuff like that, then a big paper tray is important, so that you don't run out of paper in the middle of a print job. If you just print a page or two now and then, than that is not important. If your space is limited, then you need to consider the size of the printer, so that you don't have to hang it off hooks on the ceiling. Weight can also be a consideration, depending on where you plan to put it. Keep in mind, the paper adds considerable weight! Will the shelf hold it, or sag too much? Can you use separate toner cartridges for each color? If they have combination toner cartridges, go to the next one. Does it have a long catcher at the output, or will long (legal size) papers sail across the room? Call their support. If you get the runaround or wind up arguing with some Taliban, that you can't understand, go to the next brand. Print quality is generally good enough with all Laser printers, nowadays, and not something to worry about. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use the Entire Pot Of Coffee Good coffee is expensive, but cheap if you use it correctly. I purchase good quality ground coffee. When I make a 12 cup pot of coffee, I immediately pour the whole thing into a reused plastic juice bottle. There is usually 1 cup over the container size that I drink. Then I keep it at room temperature in the sealed container, close to the coffee pot. When I am ready for another cup, I put it in a mug and heat it in the microwave. No more burnt tasting coffee from setting after making on the coffee warmer. No stale coffee to throw away, and no waste. I drink a lot of coffee and don't pay half of what most of my friends pay for coffee supplies. Waste not, want not. By Dave Woodman I use my big stainless steel thermos from the days, when I worked in the aluminum smelter in Kittimat. It keeps the coffee hot longer, without making it sour. I also use another trick: I try to get Extra Fine Grind, which is actually a wacky blend of everything, that got ground too fine, and is often sold at a discount. Briefly. Until they find out that the coffee connoisseurs snatch it up and hoard it. Then the price follows demand, and goes up sharply. Then I got to look for Extra Fine Grind elsewhere. If I can't get it, I use my little electric coffee grinder and re-grind the Fine Grind coffee to a fine powder, and pour it, still hot and fragrant from the grinding, straight from the grinder into the filter. Using that trick, you can reduce the number of scoops by two, and still get the same or better flavor. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people."
» Rain or Shine


Today, April 12, in
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne.
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople.
1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag.
1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement 
  against the colonists in the American Revolution at 
  the Battle of Saints, off Dominica.
1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine.
1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, 
  Washington.
1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe.
1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting 
  America's Civil War.
1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured 
  Fort Pillow in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union 
  troops there.
1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the 
  first time by James Alexander Tyng.
1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in 
  the U.S. to use voting machines.
1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris 
  flight in three hours and 56 minutes.
1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops 
  clashed at Parrel, Mexico.
1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women 
  voting rights.
1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a 
  marriage license was enacted in New York.
1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin 
  the strategic bombing of Japan.
1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation 
  Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk
  was "safe, effective and potent."
1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man 
  to orbit the Earth.
1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful 
  civil rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL.
1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from 
  Cape Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight.
1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around 
  the Falkland Islands.
1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger 
  made the first satellite repair in orbit by returning 
  the Solar Max satellite to space.
1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. 
  base killed 17 people.
1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed 
  to settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co.
1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically 
  altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form.
1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the 
  first time since World War II. Sugar shortage.
1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and 
  Herzegovina.
2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities 
  in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" 
  heroin ring.
2013  smiled


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Which laser printer? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, April 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All movements go too far. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark
A girl says to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He says, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are you going to break wind?"
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes was overheard saying to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it's the only thing that gets me out of having to go shopping with Mom."
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Hutto, 42, Winter Haven, Florida Slow Learner - Repeatedly Jailed After Refusing To Stop Using Counterfeit Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Hutto, a 42-year-old Lakeland woman was jailed and then jailed again after she was repeatedly found to be in possession of counterfeit bills. According to Winter Haven Police, Officers were dispatched to a local Dairy Queen after Hutto paid for her purchase with counterfeit bills and then drove away. Officers stopped her vehicle a short distance away from the restaurant and discovered $660 worth of fake $20 bills in her possession. She was charged with possessing counterfeit notes, passing counterfeit notes and driving on a suspended driver's license. Officers had her vehicle removed from the scene and impounded while she was booked into jail. After Hutto bonded out of jail, detectives learned that she had an outstanding warrant for her arrest in Polk County where she allegedly passed counterfeit bills on numerous occasions. Knowing that she would likely come to the police impound lot to get her car back, investigators kept the welcome mat out for her and planned to arrest her at the scene. As expected, Hutto arrived at the impound lot and attempted to retrieve her car. As officers took her into custody, she reportedly tried to hide her purse. A subsequent search of her purse revealed a fresh batch of counterfeit bills. This time officers recovered $360 worth of counterfeit bills in $5 and $20 denominations. Hutto was booked into the Polk County Jail and charged with possession of counterfeit notes, passing counterfeit bank notes and smuggling contraband (bringing counterfeit bills into a government agency). Tech Support Pits FROM: Hank RE: Laser Printer Dear Webby, Thanks for all your helpful advice! I am tired of the ink-jet printer.....the cartridges are just too costly (ever the reconditioned ones.) What brand of laser desktop printer do you recommend? I prefer color. Our local wall-mart has an HP but it is just black. I went on E-bay and was overwhelmed by the different brands. Thanks Again!! hank Dear Hank You won't find a decent laser printer at eBay, or at Walmart. Nobody sells a used laser printer. People hang on to them until they are totally worn out, even if they have to read the instructions. HP I can't recommend either. Theirs don't seem to last, and their support is atrocious. Have a look at DELL. Their color lasers have come down in price quite nicely. I use their 1320c, which I bought about 5 years ago. With toner from Atlantic Inkjet .com it just keeps on printing. No hassle ever. Just drop another ream of paper in and it is happy. Nowadays they have cheaper ones than that, but considering what it saved me on consumables and by never breaking down, it was well worth the $199 I paid. Keep in mind that even though DELL's sales and support people are a class more professional than those of HP, they will still BS you to make a sale. They won't necessarily outright lie to you, but they tend to conveniently forget to mention inconvenient "features", or lack thereof. For example their newer computers don't have the standard dial-up modem for sending and recieving faxes, or to dial up, when the DSL is down. If you don't specifically ask, they won't tell you. The same goes for printers. Make a list of EVERY feature you can think of, before you start searching their online catalog or talking to a sales person. ANY salesperson's quote about per page cost is usually totally ridiculous and assumes just a short, double-spaced paragraph and no logo. However, printing the same amount of text and pictures, the cost per page with a laser printer is usually 1/10 of what it would cost to print the same with ink. Plus, infrequent printing does not dry or plug anything up on a laser printer. Re the toner, don't worry about it. They will try to sell you THEIR expensive toner. Just get the basic included toner, no extra. Usually the included toner is just half full samples. Once you have the printer, order full cartridges from Atlantic Inkjet .com. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Cookie Dough in Ice Cube Trays Mix up your favorite cookie dough. Make extra and freeze in ice cube trays. When you want to bake several cookies or more pull out you ice cube tray and pop out as many cookies as you want to bake. I always have cookie dough in the freezer ready to bake. When you mix up your own dough, you know what is in it, and it saves you money over the store bought cookie dough. Source: A friend shared this info with me a long time ago. By Bobbie from Rockwall, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got umpteen shots, whether you needed them or not. The carrier pilot in front of me as we passed thru the line asked for a drink of water after receiving what seemed to be at least a dozen different needles. The Corpsman asked if he was dizzy. "No, not at all." he replied. "I just wanna see if I'm still water-tight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Rick When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife. "How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer, the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said, "Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first."
» Mooooo Milkers


Today, April 11, in
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by 
  the French at the Battle of Ravenna.
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns 
  of Britain.
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on 
  March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to 
  hostilities with Great Britain.
1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by 
  John Stevens.
1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied 
  European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. 
  He was banished to the island of Elba.
1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos.
1895 Anaheim, CA, completed its new electric light system.
1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a 
  declaration of war with Spain.
1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared 
  in effect.
1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax.
1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England.
1945 U.S. troops reached the Elbe River in Germany.
1945 During World War II, American soldiers liberated the 
  Nazi concentration camp of Buchenwald in Germany.
1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur 
  as head of United Nations forces in Korea.
1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that 
  was disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. 
  The astronauts did return safely.
1979 Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels 
  and exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control.
1980 The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission issued 
  regulations specifically prohibiting sexual harassment 
  of workers by supervisors.
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House 
  from the hospital after recovering from an assassination 
  attempt on March 30.
1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted 
  that resulted in the injury of more than 300 people.
1984 China invaded Vietnam.
1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the 
  earth and moon within one inch.
1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 
  150 days.
2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S. 
  surveillance plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held 
  since April 1 on Hainon, where the plane had made an 
  emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a 
  Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and 
  presumed dead.
2007 Apple announced that the iTunes Store had sold more 
  than two million movies. 
2013  smiled


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Missing girl email 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) Some people make headlines while others make history. --- Philip Elmer-DeWitt Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. --- Fran Lebowitz If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. --- Socratex
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple. When I sell it, my wife will kill me!"
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

>From Arndt in Floriduh Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4 feet tall: YELD Close, but not close enough. The next week I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now it read YEILD. About two months later they had again tried to fix it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word SOTP.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Rucker McFall, 30, Cobb County, GA Jailed After Beating His Infant Child Blind And Brain Damaged Reported by The Weekly Vice Joseph Rucker McFall, a 30-year-old Georgia bonehead, has been indicted after he allegedly beat his 8-week-old child so severely, the child was left blind and brain damaged. According to police, McFall brutally beat his infant child between August and October of last year. He was taken into custody in October when the child's injuries came to light. Prosecutors say the infant suffered multiple broken bones, subdural hemorrhaging and damaged or detached retinas as a result. McFall was booked into the Cobb County Jail and charged with two counts of aggravated battery and two counts of first-degree child cruelty. He remains held in lieu of $15,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Missing child email Dear Webby, I got an email about a missing 14 yr. old. her name is Ashley Flores, is this true or another scam eamil someone is sending around? Thanks, Annette. Dear Annette It's just a hoax sent out in order to collect the addreses of the most gullible people on the net. Don't even bother to send back a correction, just trash it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sharpen Your Vegetable Peeler Vegetable peelers go dull rather fast. I spent many, many years just tossing them out and buying new ones. I wish I learned this trick when I first moved out on my own: Just take the back of a paring knife and run it back and forth against the blades. Flip the peeler over and do the same. I bought a paring knife at the 99 cent store just for this purpose. You can do this on any kitchen equipment that has a blade. Try it, you'll be peeling faster in no time! By attosa from Los Angeles, CA If you have a honing steel, that works even better. If you don't, that's the metal stick you see butchers and chefs use with dizzying speed on their GOOD knifes. It is sometimes called "The Steel", because in the old days the knives were made from fairly cheap and easy to sharpen mild or high carbon iron. The steel honing rod was made from a very high grade steel similar to what was used for metal cutting files. The function of The Steel however, is not cutting or filing or removing metal, but to do some microscopic plowing and forging, and quickly restore a perfect cutting edge, without throwing away good metal. "The Steel" has been used on swords on the cruisades, where highly skilled, -and slow-, filers and grinders were hard to come by during battle. Todays honing "steels" are often available in ceramic or diamond dust coated metal. Real chefs and butchers sneer at those, like they do on the thick serrated blades. Professionals prefer old-fashioned ridged steel, and thin, easy to sharpen blades. A good example are the Ginsu knifes. If you see them at a yard sale, get them! With a steel you can get them back to razor sharp, like they were when new, with 5 - 10 strokes. They were made from a soft alloy, that makes them really easy to tune up with a hard steel. The same with big kitchen knives. Go for the thinnest blade, unless you need it for fighting. Kitchen knifes should be thin and a bit flexible, and except for the bread slicing knife, should NOT be serrated. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's busy hitting the bottle."
» Levitations


Today, April 10, in
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces 
  at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia.
1790 The U.S. patent system was established.
1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered Bavaria.
1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the 
  British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication 
  and exile to Elba.
1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the 
  rights for $100.
1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in South Africa 
  was proclaimed.
1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in 
  Georgia along the Tybee River.
1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender.
1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England.
1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was 
  killed by government troops.
1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced.
1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany 
  with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 
 13 million votes.
1938 Germany annexed Austria after Austrians had voted 
  in a referundum to merge with Germany.
1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to 
  prevent Nazi infiltration.
1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to 
  recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative 
  for its workers.
1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans.
1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers 
  near Berlin.
1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first 
  3-D movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio.
1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner 
  Michiko Shoda.
1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine 
  USS Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA.
1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000
1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed 
  while attempting to land at Basel.
1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between 
  Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969.
1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected 
  to the British Parliament.
1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of 
  Nicaraguan harbors.
1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by 
  Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut.
1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, 
  set off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people 
  and injured 91.
1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was 
  assassinated.
1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time 
  on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim 
  town of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. 
  safe area.
1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have 
  outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their 
  late stages.
1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British 
  ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended.
1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese 
  dissidents and human rights activists to promote their 
  campaign for democracy in China.
2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted 
  suicide for patients  with unbearable, terminal illness.
2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's 
  Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional 
  appointees and assumed all governance in the country.
2013  smiled


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QR Code, 2D bar code 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 9.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. --- Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956)
One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing her final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I thought of that," she replied. "But I got a Mac, and my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it."
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do. Why is this? In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces... That, and they go through your stuff while you're in the shower.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marcus O'Neal, 28, Springfield, MO Jailed After Beating, Strip Searching Woman After She "Liked" A Girlfriend's Photograph On Facebook Reported by The Weekly Vice Marcus O'Neal, a 28-year-old Springfield bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly beat, strip searched and strangled his girlfriend because she "liked" a friend's photograph on Facebook. According to police, O'Neal turned violent and attacked his girlfriend after he looked at her Facebook page and noticed that she had "liked" a friend's photograph. The photograph in question belonged to the woman's girlfriend, who was seen standing next to a male companion. O'Neal became jealous, however, believing that his girlfriend wanted to be romantically involved with the man in the photograph. Although the victim pleaded that she had no interest in the man in the photograph, O'Neal slapped her across the face. He then allegedly grabbed the woman by the neck, drug her to a bedroom and threw her onto the bed. O'Neal paused for a moment to tell the victim's children that she had been cheating on him and was nothing but a "whore." He then slapped the woman again. About a half hour after the attack began, both the woman and her children were crying. That's when O'Neal closed the windows so neighbors couldn't hear the crying and screaming. He then locked the door so no one could interrupt what he was about to do next. He then forced the woman to strip naked in front of him so he could search her body for signs of sexual activity. O'Neal spit on the woman, threatened to kill her family and yelled obscenities at her. When O'Neal eventually became tired, the woman thought of an excuse to leave the house and checked herself into a hospital. Officers who were called to the hospital found scratch marks and bruising on the woman's neck which were consistent with her statement. O'Neal, who was out of jail on bond after he assaulted the same woman, was taken into custody. He told investigators that he never touched the woman and that the injuries on her neck were actually hickeys. He was booked into the Greene County Jail and charged with three counts of domestic assault. His bond has been set at $25,000. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Funny stamp on Sushi ad Dear Webby What is that funny stamp size pattern on the Sushi ad? I have seen it or similar ones on various web sites, but have never seen any explanation for it. What are they all about? Alice Dear Alice Those stamps are QR codes or 2D bar codes. QR stands for Quick response. Originally the QR codes were just used by Japanese car makers to identify parts and components.Nowadays, because they are compact and practically without a limit, they are also used for web site URLs. For example, the code for the Humor letter is If that code was on some other site or in a paper, then you could scan that with a smart phone, and it would open the Humor Letter for you. You could also scan it with a smart-phone off the computer screen and send the URL or store it. QR codes can be as small as 60 x 60 pixels, or as large as a corn field maze. If you use a smart phone, the QR codes can be handy. If you don't, just ignore them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pill Bottle Hide-a-Key If you are looking for a way to hide a key outside, a pill bottle makes a great weather-proof container. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

A young married couple lived in a cheap housing complex an hour north of London. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said, "why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
» Apple Orchards


Today, April 9, in
0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius 
  Seversus was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum.
1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the 
  Poles and the Germans.
1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed 
  a peace agreement at Lodi, Italy.
1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River 
  and all lands that touch it for France.
1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the 
  Australian continent.
1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E. Lee 
  surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General Ulysses S. 
  Grant. Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and 
  permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though there 
  were still Confederate armies in the field, the war was 
  officially over. The four years of fighting had killed 360,000 
  Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops.
1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that 
  purchased the territory of Alaska by one vote.
1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada.
1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk.
1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South Africa.
1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in 
  Duluth, MN.
1914 In London, the first full-color film, 
  "The World, The Flesh & the Devil," was shown.
1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began 
  a massive assault on Vimy Ridge.
1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence.
1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the 
  production of "Diamond Lil."
1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark.
1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces 
  were overwhelmed by the Japanese Army.
1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360. 
  The ship was carrying aerial bombs.
1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping.
1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first 
  seven astronauts.
1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use.
1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests 
  for peaceful use.
1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk 
  a small Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. 
  The Nissho Maru's captain and first mate died.
1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight.
1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support 
  for guerilla raids illegal.
1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy 
  foreign products.
1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama.
1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet Georgia.
1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in 
  support of the right to abortion.
1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R.
1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in 
  Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges.
1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, 
  Saudi Arabia, on last day of the haj pilgrimage.
1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was 
  assassinated. Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president 
  two days later. 
2013  smiled


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Too much contrast with digital camera 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 8.

Fresh snow and a very cold wind.
Today I have to drive to Calgary for a visit to the
colon cancer screening center. They want to screen
everybody, and won't to do the consultation over the
Internet. That sure does not inspire a lot of confidence!
Oh, well. Maybe the snow will melt by noon and it won't 
be too messy on the freeway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005) The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. --- Friedrich Nietzsche You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. --- Woody Allen
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose. The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose. The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!" Then the moose charged and got all three of them.
The Grain-free Solution System A Combination Of Cookbook + Lifestyle Tips And Tricks For Applying Grain-free Principles To Everyday Life For A Rockin' Body, Optimum Health, And Disease Recovery / Prevention Get the The Grain-free Solution System NOW!

The Supermarket near our house has an automatic mist machine to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle. So far I have not gone down the toilet paper aisle.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ann Marie Cummings, 44, Rochester, Michigan Charged With DUI After Driving On License That Had Been Suspended 24 Times Reported by The Weekly Vice Ann Marie Cummings, a 44-year-old Rochester drunk, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly drove while intoxicated on a license that has been suspended 24 times. According to police, a witness flagged down an officer around 12:15 p.m. to report that she had just been struck from behind by another vehicle that refused to stop. The witness was able to give a detailed description of the vehicle which allowed officers to locate and pull over the offending vehicle. Officers approached the vehicle and found a drunk Cummings behind the wheel. Investigators say Cummings admitted to striking the vehicle and stated that she fled the scene because her license had been suspended and she knew she would be arrested. When officers ran Cummings's name, they discovered that her license had previously been suspended a total of 24 times. Officers also discovered that there were six different outstanding warrants for her arrest. In addition, she was also in possession of a muscle relaxer that she didn't possess a prescription for. All in all, officers had 31 valid reasons to take her into custody. Cummings was booked into jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, and driving on a suspended license. Her bond was set at $2,000. She probably won't be driving again until Monday. Tech Support Pits From: Jane Re: Too much contrast Dear Webby When I take pictures tha include shaded areas and sunlit areas, or indoor pictures that are unevenly lit, I wind up with pitch black areas. I never had that problem when I was using film, and I see with your pictures, that not everybody has that problem. What do I need to do differently? Jane Dear Jane That is normal with really low end cameras, especially if they were a "Bonus" for subscribing to a cooking or fashion magazine, and if they have a tiny lens. Better cameras take a light reading through the lens, and average out a number of different spots in the picture, or read a spot at the center. Cheaper cameras have a light meter at the front that just averages anything in front of it. Most digital cameras let you stash a reading by partially depressing the shutter. Focus at a dark or shaded area, partially depress the shutter, and then point the camera to the picture composition you want. It will then take the picture as if everything was in the shade. Some areas will be slightly overexposed, and the sky may be white, but the shaded areas won't be black. A slightly more expensive camera will take care of that automatically. However, even with good cameras you will often drag a reading. For example, when I take a sunset sky picture, I usually point the camera up to where the sky is already darker, partially depress the shutter to lock the light meter, then point it to where I want to take the picture, and then click through. With the light meter locked for a darker area, the sunset colors come out much brighter and more vibrant. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Sun Hat in Car I am often driving into the late afternoon sun, and since I am short, the sun visor is not much help. Now I keep a hat with a floppy brim in the car so I can just pull the brim down on my face where I need it. This is also safer than being blinded by the sun. By Pat Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Learn How To Make Sushi Brand New High Quality Sushi Cook Book. Discover The Secrets Of Making The Ever Popular And Exotic Sushi Dishes.

"My poor man", said the kind old lady to the beggar, "it must be dreadful to be lame. But think how much worse it would be if you were blind." "You got that right, lady," agreed the beggar. "When I was blind, I was always getting counterfeit money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. "What took you so long, son?" he asked. "The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied. "But I got even." "How?" "I wound and set all the alarm clocks and kitchen timers while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily. "It's going to be a noisy place this afternoon!"
» Vintage Fashions


Today, April 8, in
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain.
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, 
  assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws 
  of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state.
1789 The U.S. House of Representatives held its first meeting.
1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left 
  Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians 
  in the Black Hawk War.
1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine.
1939 Italy invaded Albania.
1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad.
1946 The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time.
1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a 
  nationwide strike.
1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota 
  to South Dakota.
1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba.
1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal 
  disaster.
1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties.
1992 In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published.
1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases.
2000 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed 
  during a training mission in Arizona.
2013  smiled


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XP mode in Windows 7 PRO a waste of money 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 7.

Thank you, Norm!

Happy Beer Day!

It seems the media have decided that the term
"Illegal Alien" is not politically correct.
The currently politically correct term apparently is:
"Undocumented Democrat".

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. --- Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855) The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom saying to himself, "How can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we dated, but she's bound to find out sooner or later." Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out." The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, puts his arm around her shoulder, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!"
Petsumer Report Pet Food Ratings And Reviews People Want To Know...which Pet Foods Use Risky Imports. Petsumer Report Tells Them And A Lot More! Easy Comparisons On Over 2,500 Dog Foods, Cat Foods, And Pet Treats. The Petsumer Report is very affordable.

A man had been driving all night, and by morning, was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze, when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "Eight fifteen." The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window and another jogger asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" The man was a little irritated and growled, "It's twenty minutes past eight!" The jogger thanked the man and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window. Another jogger said, "Sir, it's eight thirty."
Click on the picture for the large version Soon in the garden!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Zarate, 25, in jail now in Phoenix, AZ Mother murdered in front of teen daughter after she denies sex with her to undocumented democrat. Reported by ClashDaily.com AGUILA, Ariz. -- Maricopa County Sheriff's detectives are investigating a murder that happened late Monday night near Powell and 2nd Street. Authorities say an argument ensued after the suspect, 25-year-old Jose Zarate, went to 31-year-old Maria Saucedo's home around 9:30 p.m. When the two began fighting about Zarate wanting to have a sex with Saucedo's 13-year-old daughter, he pulled out a rifle and shot her in the chest at close range -- in the presence of the teen. According to the MCSO report, "One of several witnesses to the crime apparently disarmed Zarate before he fled the area on foot." When they arrived at the scene, deputies administered CPR on Saucedo, but she was later pronounced dead. "How awful this is that a mother loses her life in the process of defending her daughter's honor," said Sheriff Joe Arpaio. On Wednesday, deputies arrested Zarate. He was found at his home. Deputy Joaquin Enriquez stated, "Sheriff's deputies say Zarate is a non-U.S. citizen who has been living in the country without proper authorization." Zarate was booked into the 4th Avenue Jail on the following charges: 2nd degree murder, two counts of aggravated assault and possession of a weapon by a prohibited person. Tech Support Pits From: Benj Re: XP-Mode in W-7 Pro Dear Webby How usable is XP-Mode in Windows 7 Pro? I need to run some XP accounting software. Benj Dear Benj XP-mode is not really XP. It is a cruelly damaged and handicapped parody of XP. For example, you can't adjust the screen resolution, or font zoom, which means you need a magnifying glass to read text in XP or DOS programs. It is most definitely NOT worth the extra money. You are MUCH better off to try and get an old XP with set-up CD at some garage sale. Even if you have to replace the hard drive, or install into a new computer, you are much better off. The Original XP won't have easy, automatic networking, but it can be networked with a bit of old-fashioned Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Binder Rings for Kitchen Storage I know we have a few old binders that were falling apart from use. I decided to pull the binder ring part out and use for hanging stuff in the kitchen. They already have holes in them so it was easy to hang. You could also spray paint them. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Liven Up Your Home With Over 7250 Breathtaking Landscaping Designs Simply copy one or some of the 7250 Designs, Instructions & Videos and build the tandscape tou tlways tanted! WITHOUT Hiring Costly Professional Landscape Designers. That makes it easier and affordable. Get 7250 Landscaping Ideas Now!

Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it either makes you cuss or cry. That's what it does to my Dad and Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
» Folk Art


Today, April 7, in
1652 The Dutch established a settlement at Cape Town, South Africa.
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City.
1798 The territory of Mississippi was organized.
1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento, California.
1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval 
  oil reserves in Wyoming.
1933 Prohibition ended in the United States.
1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest battleship, 
  was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet was headed for a 
  suicide mission.
1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 
  It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer.
1963 At the age of 23, Jack Nicklaus became the youngest golfer to 
  win the Green Jacket at the Masters Tournament.
1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic.
1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of 
  Yugoslavia for life.
1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the 
  coast of Spain.
1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws prohibiting 
  private possession of obscene material.
1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more men 
  from Vietnam by December.
1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed 
  economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages on 
  November 4, 1979.
1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on medium-range 
  nuclear missiles.
1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of a 
  Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began leaving 
  on May 16, 1988.
1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted 
  on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government.
1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the 
  Norwegian Sea.
1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts 
  at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later 
  reversed on appeal.
1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election to 
  serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term.
1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings 
  to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving.
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to 
  Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law and allows 
  senior citizens to earn money without losing Social Security 
  retirement benefits.
2013  smiled


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Protect a laptop keyboard 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 6.

Thank you, Norm!

Britain reported that during the unusually cold March a bit 
over 5000 MORE people froze to death in Britain than in any 
March in recent history. They are quite casual about elders not
having enough money for extra coal or gas, but they do track
the deaths meticulously, to ensure that no relatives cash 
checks on behalf of frozen Brits. However, they claim that
they had issued 635,000 MORE "Cold Weather Payments" than 
they sent out in previous years. 

"Cold Weather Payments" are additional supplemental funds 
sent out to needy elders when average temperatures 
drop below historic seasonal averages for 7 days or more.

There is very little talk about Gullible Warming in England
these days. Maybe it will happen after the next ice age?

Even here in North America, talk about man made grain fuel 
(CO2) causing gullible warming is rather muted these days.
The "scientists" who had frantically and hysterically 
screeched about a hockey stick curve have come to realise
that there does not seem to be any relation between 
grain fuel and climate.

Actually, there IS a relation, but as I have pointed 
out for a dozen years, it is the other way around. 
Grain Fuel, like everything in nature, lags years behind, 
and is an indicator, of what kind of climate we HAD.
It is an indicator, not a cause!

If you look  at it that way, then all of a sudden the
pretty curves match.

Too bad Al Gore and the Jewish Mother-In-Law club can't
use that to make you feel guilty and donate money for them
to administer!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
>From Fran Can you please run that Mammogram classic joke again? Thanks Fran I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity, when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt backkk." Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her empty head ended up between the clamps.
Petsumer Report Pet Food Ratings And Reviews People Want To Know...which Pet Foods Use Risky Imports. Petsumer Report Tells Them And A Lot More! Easy Comparisons On Over 2,500 Dog Foods, Cat Foods, And Pet Treats. The Petsumer Report is very affordable.

A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged. "I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!" The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't usually bite, do you?!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jaamid Ade Zaid, 33, San Jose, California Jailed After Driving Car Through Walmart Entrance, Beating Customers With Metal Bar Reported by The Weekly Vice Jaamid Ade Zaid, a 33-year-old California man, was jailed after he drove his car into a San Jose Walmart, stepped out of the car and then began beating bystanders with a blunt metal object. According to San Jose Police, officers were dispatched to a local Walmart after receiving reports that someone had driven a vehicle into the store. Witnesses at the scene told police that a man, later identified as Zaid, was seen speeding through the Walmart parking lot before crashing into two cars. Zaid then crashed through the store's Pharmacy and market entrance after a first attempt to drive into the store failed. Zaid's vehicle came to rest after it was eventually stopped by a stack of beer cases. That's when Zaid allegedly jumped out of the car, picked up a metal bar and began beating customers and a store employee with it. Zaid struck a 61-year-old employee in the head when the employee stepped towards the vehicle to assist the situation. The employee is now recovering at a local hospital. Three people were taken to the hospital, two of them are listed in serious condition. Six more people were treated at the scene. Zaid's rampage came to an end when a group of onlookers dog piled on top of him and held him down until police arrived. Investigators said Zaid appeared to be under the influence of methamphetamine. Zaid was booked into the Santa Clara County Jail and charged with assault with a deadly weapon and felony hit and run. He currently remains held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: Protect laptop keyboard Dear Webby One of the Thrifty Fun tips mentioned putting Saran wrap over a keyboard. Is is safe to do that on a laptop? Sarah Dear Sarah NO! Most defiitely NOT! Modern laptops breathe through your keyboard. They pull air in at the bttom or back, and exhaust some or all of it through the keyboard. Just get a comfortable keyboard for $10 - $20 and plug it into a USB hub. If you leave your laptop running to avoid the tedious start-up, set lid closing to cause "Hibernating". That way you can close the lid when you are done, and let it idle down to where there are just some LEDs left on, and it can cool off. That way there is no problem with cats sleeping on the warm keyboard and causing your computer to overheat. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Upcycle Sneakers as Garden Planters I couldn't bear to toss my favorite gardening sneaks. So I used them for planters instead. I nailed them to a fence post and planted some orphaned pole beans in them. Even if I get no beans from the plants, it will be an interesting look. Source: My own frugalicity :) By ~gloria from upstate NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Liven Up Your Home With Over 7250 Breathtaking Landscaping Designs Simply copy one or some of the 7250 Designs, Instructions & Videos and build the tandscape tou tlways tanted! WITHOUT Hiring Costly Professional Landscape Designers. That makes it easier and affordable. Get 7250 Landscaping Ideas Now!

I was in my wills and trusts course when the professor posed this question to the students: Why do people choose to have their children, rather than their siblings, inherit their estate? After students offered various theories, one fellow raised his hand. "This may be a bit off the point," he said, "but when I was little, when my brother and sister finished playing with me, they usually put me into a drawer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!! Research on bread indicates that: 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made: 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
» the Smithsonian


Today, April 6, in
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the 
  siege of the castle of Chaluz in France.
1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension 
  from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at 
  Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor.
1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church 
  in Seneca, NY.
1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low 
  when Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by 
  settlers from the U.S.
1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in Tennessee.
1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple 
  telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time.
1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece.
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be 
  the first men to reach the North Pole.
1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on 
  Germany and entered World War I on the Allied side.
1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria.
1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia.
1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's 
  power be reduced.
1957 Trolley cars in New York City completed their final runs.
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of 
  ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam, then later
  stabbed them in the back with defunding.
1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and 
  freed 200 prisoners.
1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of 
  intense ethnic riots in Kosovo.
1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give 
  free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation 
  exposure to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in 
  nuclear tests from 1945 to 1962.
1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart 
  recipient to be discharged from the hospital.
1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily 
  tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among 
  high-risk women.
1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles 
  capable of attacking neighboring India. 
2013  smiled


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How safe is Skype? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 3.

Today I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means no newsletters Thursday, Friday 
and possibly Saturday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The days of the digital watch are numbered. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. --- James Branch Cabell (1879 - 1958) Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard. --- Daphne du Maurier Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statures. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter often chisels his patrons. [Taken from Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary."]
Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this one: God promised men meek and obedient wives and said that they could be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the world round, and laughed.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures." After a long pause, the "pilot" replied: "You mean, you're not my instructor?"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shawn Wayne Hughes, 32, Kingsport, Tennessee Jailed After Attempting To Sell 6-Year-Old Daughter To Bond Girlfriend Out Of Jail Reported by The Weekly Vice Shawn Wayne Hughes, a 32-year-old Kingsport man, was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly tried to sell his 6-year-old daughter so that he could use the money to bail out his girlfriend. According to Kingsport police, an investigation was launched after a 75-year-old woman contacted detectives and informed them that Hughes was attempting to sell his daughter to her. Detectives were at the woman's home interviewing her when Hughes allegedly called to discuss the offer further and set up a location for the exchange. Detectives listened in on as the conversation took place. Investigators say Hughes offered to sell his 6-year-old daughter and sign over his parental rights in exchange for $1,500 cash. Hughes explained that he needed the money to bail out his girlfriend, who is the woman's granddaughter. Apparently Gramma believed her granddaughter belonged in jail. Hughes and his girlfriend had been arrested last Friday and he began looking for a way to get his girlfriend out of jail after he had bonded out himself. Under police direction, the woman accepted the agreement and set up a time for the exchange. When Hughes arrived in the scene to make the trade, officers were waiting for him. The department of Children's Services was also notified of the incident. Hughes was booked into the Kingsport County Jail and charged with illegal payments in connection with a placement of a child and two counts of possession of drugs. His bond was set at $16,000. After Hughes arraignment hearing, he was transferred to the Sullivan County Jail where he remains held on $16,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How safe is Skype? Dear Webby My daughter wants me to install Skype in my computer at home and in the office, to save on phone bills. How safe is that? Karen Dear Karen Skype is perfectly safe. It is so heavily encrypted, that even if somebody figured a way to intercept it, they could not extract any information. Also, it does not open any security holes like many other programs do. It's not just for talking or video for free over the net. Skype includes a chat module for typing back and forth and sending pictures, movies, music, links, etc. Voice quality is excellent, much better than over a phone. We have used Skype for tech support for over dozen years now, and have never had a problem with it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save on Heat with a Vaporizer One year, it was brittle cold outside. I used a vaporizer (*not a humidifier) to add some humidity in the air. I was very surprised to feel the difference after a couple of hours. It was cozy and warmer than it had been before I turned the humidifier on. I had to turn the thermostat down a couple of degrees. I noticed my skin and hair felt not as dry too. I even could breath better. Give it a try, you will be surprised. I do this when the temperature is very cold only and the humidity is very low. Keeps the electric bill down some too! My Dad used to place cans of water on the floor furnace, and now I know why. By Army Brat Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Once, when I was sitting in the Once, when I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight at the next gatewas overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward.", they announced that the flight at the next gatewas overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a Once, when I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight at the next gatewas overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward." for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all about serving his full term. The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early. Jimmy replied, "Well, my wife has never let me finish a sentence the whole time I've been married!"
» Full Moon Silhouette


Today, April 3, in
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida. 
1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill.
1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and 
  Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. 
  The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half.
1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back 
  and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward.
1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North 
  America was climbed.
1936 Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping 
  and death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh.
1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. 
  and Filipino troops at Bataan.
1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander 
  responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed 
  in the Philippines.
1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan 
  to revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 
  16 countries.
1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva 
  Convention by deporting Shiite prisoners.
1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. 
  He pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks 
  in exchange for a life sentence without chance for parole.
2010 The Wi-Fi version of the Apple iPad went on sale. 
2013  smiled


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At which point should you switch from ink to Laser? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 2.

Space Spinach!
Was an april Fools story, that I made up, because
I have not been able to find any spinach in the stores for
over a year.

Wednesday morning I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means no newsletters Thursday, Friday 
and possibly Saturday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The modern rule is that every woman should be her own chaperon. --- Amy Vanderbilt (1908 - 1974) Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "That stupid lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Siegfried, the most insane amongst all of my friends, is a shrink. He has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely. He puts a cell phone in their hands.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Gullickson, 20, Fargo, North Dakota Jailed After Posting Craigslist Ad Asking For Sex Fantasy, Then Falsely Reporting The Encounter As Rape Reported by The Weekly Vice Mary Kate Gullickson, a 20-year-old North Dakota State University Student, was jailed after she allegedly posted a request for sex on Craigslist, then told police she had been kidnapped and raped. According to North Dakota State University police, Gullickson reportedly posted an ad on Craigslist, stating that she wished to experience a sexual fantasy that involved a mock kidnap and rape scenario. Gullickson reportedly communicated to multiple responders that she wanted to picked up off the street, bound with duct tape and then forced to have sex. She then requested that she be dropped off at the location where she was found. One of the ad responders agreed to Guillickson's request and role played the fantasy with her. At the conclusion of the encounter, Gullickson promptly went to police and stated that she had been kidnapped and raped. News of the purported rape spread across the NDSU campus, prompting police to devote a large amount of manpower and resources towards identifying a suspect in the case When news of the investigation reached the man who agreed to role play Gullickson's fantasy, he stepped forward to set the record straight about the incident. Investigators tracked down Gullickson's Craigslist ad and uncovered the email and phone number associated with it. Investigators also searched Gullickson's iPhone, which contained so many responses to the ad, Gullickson was unable to identify which response came from the man she ultimately accused of raping her. Guillickson also allegedly asked some of the responders to pay her $100 for the privilege of participating in the fantasy with her. Apparently none of them figured she was worth quite that much money. When asked why she lied to police about the alleged rape, Gullickson stated that her boyfriend forced her to report the encounter as a rape. Apparently they wanted some dummy to pay alimony for 18 years. Gullickson was booked into the Cass County Jail and charged with providing false information to law enforcement. She pleaded guilty to the charge at her arraignment and was sentenced on the spot to a one-year suspended sentence and a year of supervised probation. Tech Support Pits From: Kathy Re: When to switch to laser Dear Webby, At what point should I switch to a laser? Kathy Dear Kathy If you are printing rarely enough, so that your ink cartridges are drying up or causing problems, switch. Even the high quality cartridges and refill kits from Atlantic Inkjet dry up if you print only once a month. Lasers don't dry up. They use dry toner. The other reason to switch to laser is when you print a lot. Inkjet printers are really cheap, because they plan to get you with the ink. Laser printers are a lot sturdier and built to last many years, while printing huge volumes of paper. The printing cost per page is about 1/10 with a laser. Considering how much the price of Laser Printers has come down, I would say 150 pages a month is the cut-off point. I am using a DELL 1320c for the last 4-5 years, and toner from Atlantic Inkjet. The only time it stops printing is when it is out of paper or toner. Replacing toner is as fast and easy and clean as changing a yape cassette in a tape player. By the way, don't get conned by the term "Laser Jet". That is just an ink squirter with a misleading name. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Placemats For Clean Refrigerator Shelves To keep my refrigerator clean, I put washable placemats on each shelf. I also change them out to different bright happy colors as the mood strikes me. :) By amytao44 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Thanks to Sandie for this: I OWE MY MOTHER!! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC "Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY " If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out" 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE "One day you'll have kids, they will turn out just like you.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Anna My mother came by to show off her brand-new Pontiac Grand Am. My eight-year-old daughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"
» Pedal Power


Today, April 2, in
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida. 
  The next day he went ashore.
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
  destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen.
1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum.
1902 The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles 
  with the name Electric Theatre.
1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel 
  went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy.
1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial 
  synthesis of rubber.
1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration 
  of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress.
1932 A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of 
  Charles and Anna Lindbergh. The child was not returned 
  and was found dead the next month.
1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR.
1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue 
  and Da Nang for an end to military rule.
1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against 
 Mao foe Liu Shao-chi.
1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. 
  The following June Britain took the islands back.
1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when 
  they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers.
1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at 
  the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union 
  leader who became Poland's first democratic president.
2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. 
  More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church 
  when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 
2013  smiled


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Show pictures hidden in WORD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Easter Sunday, March 1.
Happy Easter, !

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level. --- Norman Mailer (1923 - 2007)
Bob heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, Bob and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted. When Bob and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Bob stepped off of the side of the boat ... and nearly drowned. When he tried to climb back into the boat, he tipped it, and Brian also nerly drowned. Hanging on to the capsized boat, they slowly pushed it back to shore. When Bob arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him did on their 21st birthday?" The feeble old grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born on March 31."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?" I suggested he try out for football, or maybe boxing.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christian Cain,21, Nebraska Wanna-Be Juvenile caught doing a gallon smashing prank Reported by The Smoking Gun MARCH 29--A “gallon smashing” stunt at an Nebraska supermarket has resulted in a criminal mischief charge being filed against a 21-year-old whose prank was recorded by three of his buddies. A vigilant worker at a Hy-Vee in Omaha spotted Christian Cain and his pals enter the store Sunday around 5:15 PM. Soon after, the employee “noticed Cain was carrying 2 gallons of milk, and the other males had camera phones out,” according to an Omaha Police Department report. Which, of course, could mean only one thing. The Hy-Vee worker, Kelly Kayser, told cops that she “was aware of a prank known as ‘gallon smashing’ in which an individual throws a bottle of milk in the air, then pretends to slip and fall.” Just like this. Aware that tomfoolery was imminent, Kayser tried to keep Cain & Co. in sight, “but he and his friends eluded her and went down the cereal aisle,” noted investigators. Kayser subsequently “found him there with milk all over the floor and another customer attempting to help him up.” Kayser detained Cain and called police (Cain’s friends did not wait around for officers to arrive). When questioned by a cop, Cain--whose clothing was wet-- reportedly confessed, saying, “Obviously I did it on purpose.” Cain’s “gallon smashing” resulted in nearly $260 in damages. “Splashing milk” ruined 65 boxes of Pop-Tarts ($148.85) and 27 boxes of cereal ($101.26). The two one-gallon containers of 1% milk were valued at $2.99 apiece. Cited for misdemeanor criminal mischief, Cain has engaged in prior supermarket hijinks. Tech Support Pits From: Bob A Re: Hidden Pictures in WORD Dear Webby, I understand from my wife that you answer computer problem questions. She speaks highly of you so I thought I would pose a question that I need answered in the worst way... About a week ago I was putting together a letter in Microsoft Word using many pictures. I had pasted in 9 pictures when I clicked on an item in one of the tool bars and instantly the pictures disappeared and in their place were 9 rectangular outlines the size of each picture. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what I clicked on nor exactly where it is located. I have hunted and hunted through the tools to try to restore the pictures but to no avail. Since then I have tried pasting in new pictures on a new Word "sheet" and guess what I get...a rectangle box instead. The box is composed of four connected perpendicular lines and when I click in the center of the "box" the box disappears and I get eight black dots in it's place. I believe what I originally clicked on was an on/off switch of some kind and all that needs to happen is to click on it again to correct the situation. If you know how to restore my pictures or know of someone who does, please tell me. {I have no desire to contact Microsoft because of their high and mighty attitude.} Thanks for your willingness to help others, Bob A Dear Bob Wire frames or placeholders are rarely used while writing, but really speed up scrolling while proofreading books or searching for something in a lengthy e-book or article. To turn the wire frames off and reveal pictures, Click on TOOLS Options View take the checkmark off "Picture Placeholders" hit OK Your pictures will show again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Dirty Socks in a Mesh Bags Give each family member their own mesh bag for them to keep in their rooms to place their dirty socks in. They go in the washer and dryer in the mesh bag (assuming they are either white or colored). After laundering, each bag goes into their stack of clean clothes. No More Sorting! By Kathy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth. That is always enough to get me home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Barry: I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association in Washington. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the road that is around his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is, there is being built just next to them, six new homes..... big ones! Wallace said the trash is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald Bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the City, County, and the Police and got no help. So, guess what some people in his community did! They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they wore and did while picking up the trash that is HILARIOUS !!!!!!!! They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means. Well the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and SOME CARRYING CAMERAS, 46 out of 68 of the construction workers did not show up for work the next morning!.... and haven't come back yet!!!!! It has been ten days. Now the General Contractor, I understand is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly, because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have it on their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said basically according to Wallace: "Have at it"!
» Stunning Earth


Today, March 30, in
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
  Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to 
  convert to Christianity.
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
  action in Crimea.
1831 Quebec and Montreal were incorporated as cities.
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa 
  with Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade 
  to American trade.
1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place at 
  Island 10 on the Mississippi River.
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
  illuminated with electric light.
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened.
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing 
  the workday for women and children to 11 hours.
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British.
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to 
  await a wage adjustment.
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina.
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands 
  from Denmark for $25 million.
1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time 
  went into effect.
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of 
  the thousands of coal miners on strike.
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
  threatened invasion.
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa.
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
  trains headed toward Berlin.
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
  10th province.
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) began exile 
  by crossing the border into India where he was granted 
  political asylum. Gyatso was the 14th Daila Lama.
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in 
  New York City. (New York)
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the 
  first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit.
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry.
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact.
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk 
  from Kurdish guerillas.
1999 Three U.S. soldiers were captured by Yugoslav soldiers 
  three miles from the Yugoslav border in Macedonia.
2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S.
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-mail service called Gmail.
2013 Google Inc announced that it would introduce Gmail Motion on the following day, 4/1/2013. A Pre-Launch preview of Gmail Motion
2013  smiled


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Wipe computer but keep the OS 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Easter Saturday, March 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty (1937 - ) Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. --- Woody Allen (1935 - )
Thanks to Robert for this story: When I was young my intent was to go to medical school, but I was confused by the entrance exam. One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters "P N E S I" to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect." Those who spelled SPINE became doctors, the rest ended up in Congress.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A Catholic woman, a Protestant woman and a Jewish woman die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gate to heaven. The Catholic woman says, "I've been a good wife and mother, I took good care of my family and I want to go to heaven. St. Peter tells her to go to the left. The Protestant woman says, "I've been a good woman. I kept my house clean and cooked and took care of my family, and went to church every Sunday." St. Peter tells her to step to the left. The Jewish woman tells St. Peter," I've been a good woman, I made Shabbos every Friday, I went to the synagogue on the holidays and took care of my family." St. Peter tells her to step to the right. She immediately asks him, " Why did you tell me to go to the right and you told the other two women to go to the left?" St. Peter replies, "Don't you want to go to the beauty salon first?
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kathanna Culp, 28, Houston, TX Teacher jailed after complaining to principal about a former student not wanting to end a sexual relationship. Reported by The Weekly Vice Kathanna Culp, a 28-year-old teacher at Northbrook High School, has been arrested after she allegedly had a long-term sexual relationship with a student. According to police, an investigation began last December when Culp went to the school principal and claimed that she was being blackmailed by a former student who was threatening to expose their sexual relationship if she didn't pay him money. The student reportedly didn't want to end the relationship and demanded to be paid in lieu of "making a public announcement" of some kind. Culp, who earned a law degree from the University of Florida, has allegedly been engaged in a seven-month long relationship with the victim which began while he was still a student at the school. Investigators say Culp had sex with the former student multiple times at her apartment. Culp also allegedly hosted parties at her apartment and supplied her guests, some as young as 14, with alcohol and marijuana. Culp was fired from the school on December 14 shortly after going to the school principal with the alleged blackmail scheme. She was charged on March 19 after she reportedly confessed to having a sexual relationship with the former student. Culp was booked into jail and charged with improper relationship between educator and student. She was released after posting bail. Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Wipe old computer Dear Webby, A friend of mine is giving away her old computer. What is a good, quick, and easy way to errase all information on a hard drive without deleting the operating system? David Dear David Do a search for *.doc, *.wpd, *.qpw, *.xls, *.mbx, *.toc,*.txt, *.jpg, *.gif, etc. and delete those. Also delete all files in the Attachment and Embedded folder of the mail program. You can clean cookies and history with CrapCleaner or Spybot-Search&Destroy. Then, if you want, you can use Spybot to shred the files in the recycle bin. Sometimes, if you do have the original Windows CD, it's just as fast to format and re-install Windows, as it is to do a thorough job on cleaning a drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Gas Spills For gas can spills in the car, wipe up as much as you can then generously sprinkle baking soda over the spill. Leave overnight (or two days) then sweep away or vacuum. Soaks up the gas and the smell! By Kelli Be careful when you vacuum that! Your vacuum can easily turn into a flame thrower! Point it's exhaust away from people, buildings and vehicles. A much better solution is Sorb-All or any similar product with a different name. Sorb-All is made from bentonite, a type of clay, that instantly absorbs gas and oil, and renders it pretty well impossible to ignite. It is also the active ingredient in kitty-litter. You can get Sorb-All at automotive parts suppliers, Home Depot and many harwared stores. It is very cheap and very light weight, and comes in huge bags. Even if they call it something different in your area, they will know what you mean, if you ask for Sorb-All to pick up oil or gas spills. Sorb-All is perfectly safe, amd does not hurt lawns or flowers or bushes, if you dump it onto them, but is so aggressive when it comes to oil and gas, it pulls years old oil stains out of concrete driveways. And above all, it is perfectly safe. It does not hurt your hands any more than clean playground sand or fresh kitty litter. A bag of Sorb-All fills three 5-gallon pails and if they are covered, will keep indefinitely in the garage or porch. I recommend dumping the bag into pails, because the paper will sooner or later get wet and weak, and you wind up with it in a messy pile. Sorb-All is NOT very effective on water, just on oil and gas. It will not keep the paper bag dry, if water drips on it or if it sits in a puddle. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Thanks to Sandie for this tale: A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer: " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became a senator.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Paul came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Greg, noticed and asked Paul what happened. Paul replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Greg, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Paul, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs and put my foot through the television screen."
» Faberge Egg


Today, March 30, in
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
  into Paris.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory.
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while 
  his patient was anesthetized by ether.
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
  invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
  a pro-slavery legislature, the first election in Kansas.
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil.
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union.
1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought 
  U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests.
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager 
  pay for government jobs.
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison 
  in Mexico.
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 
  38 warships.
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko 
  in Nanking, China.
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began 
  its first offensive against British forces in Libya.
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines.
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded the eastern part of Austria 
  after Austria was fed up with Hitler and stopped fighting.
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
  the Nazi party in Frankfurt.
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced.
1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy 
  as a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy.
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
  Northern Ireland.
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
  troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
  northern portion of South Vietnam.
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon 
  South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation.
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in 
  Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers 
  and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded.
1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational 
  peace force in Lebanon.
1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war 
  in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to 
  fight each other.
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal.
2013  smiled


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Back-Up program 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Good Friday, March 29.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



In Britain and Europe any talk about Gullible Warming seems
to cause a lot of unprintable comments, except from kids,
who seem to enjoy all the unusual snow:


Urban skiiing in Kiev

The newest theory is that all the talk about Gullible
Warming annoyed Mother Nature, who promptly cranked the 
thermostat down. Also, they say, all the BS about rising 
ocean levels annoyed Poseidon, who farted under the arctic 
ice, which decreased the volme of his belly and is the cause 
for the measurable lowering of the ocean levels.

Whatever the cause, Florida and Alaska enjoy the extra real 
estate, except for the people, who paid big money for ocean
front properties, who now see developments between them and 
the ocean. Well, some day the ocean levels will come up again
to 2010 levels. 

The extra snow in Europe is of course much appreciated by 
all the ski resorts, even though they are defintiely not 
short on snow. They took advantage of cold nights and have
been making record size piles of artificial snow since November,
and are all negotiating season extension contracts with 
their staff. Instead of releasing the staff March 15, they
hope to stay operating until April 15, or even longer.

That affects not just the few guys at the cable cars and 
chair lifts, who make sure nobody gets gonged or trips,
but the tens of thousands of chambermaids and waitresses
and busboys, most from far away countries, who are itching
to go home and spend the piles of money they made.
They have only a short time for that, before they fly to
New Zealand or Australia to work their ski season.

Some of them are voicing concerns that with the cooling caused
by the Gullible Warming talk, pretty soon there won't be
any "home" time in between Alpine and Down-Under work, 
or even overlap, which could cause problems getting their 
old jobs back. Must be rough to be a ski-bum!

They are not really bums, they just call themselves that.
They work 8 - 12 hours, 7 days a week, making beds or cooking
or waitressing or bussing or similar jobs all season.
No days off. But after or before work, they ski for 8 - 12
hours, and afterwards, they flirt the tourists into paying
for their booze. 
It's a rough life, but they come back every year, until 
some tourist marries them and nails them down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. --- Howard Aiken No kidding!
An elderly man was standing in front of the ticket office in Grand Central Station. A picture of utter helplessness, it was clear something was horribly wrong with him. He stood with his elbows pressed closely at his side. His forearms were rigidly extended before him and his palms were turned towards each other about ten inches apart. Apparently, the man was paralyzed. A young woman approached him. "Can I do anything to help you?" she asked. "Oh, thank you. Please put your hand in my coat pocket and take out money to buy me a ticket to Philadelphia." The woman complied. She bought the ticket and accompanied the crippled man on the train, to make sure he was settled before leaving him. "I hope you have a complete recovery. Are you visiting an out of town specialist?" "A specialist," replied the cripple. "Why should I go to a specialist?" "To treat you for the trouble with your hands." "But, I have no trouble with my hands." "Of course you have trouble with your hands. Why, you couldn't even reach into your pocket to get the money to buy your ticket." "Oh, you're wondering why my hands are like this. My wife asked me that when I go to Philadelphia to buy her a pairs of shoes. This is her size."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but it certainly sounds as if I have the right number."
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2An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin Esmurria, 30, Largo, Florida Dr. James Aune, 59, chair of the communications department at Texas A&M University Registered Sex Offender Extorts Pervert Pervert chickens out and commits suicide, rather than face exposure and prosecution Reported by The Smoking Gun A Louisiana man has been charged with extortion in an online sex-with-a-minor scheme that resulted in the suicide of a Texas A&M University professor. Daniel Duplaisir, 37, was scheduled to appear in U.S. District Court in Houston today to be arraigned for using the Internet and a cellular telephone to blackmail 59-year-old Dr. James Aune, who jumped off the roof of a campus building January 8, shortly after texting his alleged extorter: “Killing myself now And u will be prosecuted for black mail.” The plot, which was uncovered during the investigation of Aune’s suicide, is detailed in a chilling affidavit sworn out by FBI Special Agent Nikki Allen. The day after the death of Aune--who was chair of the communications department at Texas A&M--his wife told investigators she became aware that her husband “had become involved in sexually explicit chat with someone he met online, who was a minor, and now he was being extorted by the minor’s father.” The chat appears to have included naked pictures of the professor, who is pictured above. Prosecutors allege that the “minor” Aune met on the Internet was actually Duplaisir, a Metairie man with a history of luring men online for blackmail. According to his daughter --who was a victim in a 2011 sexual battery at the hands of her father-- Duplaisir used her pictures and videos “to scam men.” The daughter said they created a site on MocoSpace where they would reel in victims and “then Daniel would call them and say how she was his daughter and how she would need counseling and they had to pay for it.” The plot appears to have paid off for Duplaisir until the tragic unraveling of the “relationship” between Aune and “Karen Mccall,” the fictitious girl with whom the professor had connected. Investigators were able to confirm several payments sent from Aune to Duplaisir, but the blackmailer-- playing the role of the incensed father of "Karen"-- appears to have upped the ante, asking for a $5000 payment earlier this year. A series of e-mails and texts record Aune's desperate attempts to negotiate a deal with Duplaisir in the hours leading up to the professor's leap from the campus rooftop. About two hours before the suicide, Duplaisir wrote to Aune, “If I do not hear from you I swear to God Almighty that the police, your place of employment, students, ALL OVER THE INTERNET …ALL OF THEM will be able to see your conversations, texts, pictures you sent.” Two hours later, Aune responded with “Killing myself now And u will be prosecuted for black mail.” It took a few months for the second part of the professor’s message to come true. They probably tried to set up a sting for one more extortion case, but apparently Duplaisir was too cagey to fall for that. Tech Support Pits From: Jordan Re: Back-Up program Dar Webby, I need a practical system for backup. The files that I add or change are mostly jokes, recipes, music (written not recorded), and CAD drawings. Currently there aren't a lot of these, but I would hate to lose any. And there are financial records that, at best, I have to re-enter. A thumb drive holds all I need, but when I try to copy to it... I have to okay the override of each unchanged file. I'm sure you can give me a simple way to be sure I have info saved and won't have to start from scratch if my hard drive gets contaminated. Thank you Jordan Dear Jordan Use DOS ! START cmd then type xcopy /? to learn all the different "switches", that you can use with xcopy. Be prepared to have your socks blown off! The xcopy command has been in use by some of us since the mid 1980's. Open a plain text file, NOT word processor! Just plain text, and save it as backup.bat If you use Notepad, be careful with the saving. Some @#$%& at Microsoft has decided that it would be a good idea to stab you in the back and secretly rename the file during saving and add .txt to the end. Make a list of all the switches, that you want to use, for example the one that overwrites only if the source is newer than the destination. Then make a list of all the sources, and their backup destinations Now you are ready to write your own back-up program. Yes, Mr Programmer! At the top write ECHO /B /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z (or whatever YOUR favorite list of switches is) Then xcopy, your list of sitches, a source and it's destination on the same line like this: xcopy /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z e:\alpha\eudora\*.* H:\alpha\eudora That copies ALL the files, that are newer at the source e:\alpha\eudora\*.* including all the subdirectories to H:\alpha\eudora It does not waste time with files, that are the same on both sides. With huge folders, that can make a BIG difference! Then do the next line the same way: xcopy switches source destination If you want to back up just a file, not an entire folder and all it's sub-directories inside it, then just type that file name for the source. *.* is just a convenient wildcard meaning ANYTHING.ANYTHING Put the entire wish list there in the same manner, one command per line. Then you can add some comments to be echoed to the screen, yeah we used weird terms in the stone age, for example: ECHO Eudora backed up Then at the end of the messages, type PAUSE That will pause the program and ask you to hit ANY key. Yes, that is where all the old Any Key jokes come from, from that PAUSE line. If you write a back-up program for your spouse, you can be funny and after the PAUSE line type ECHO Not THAT one! PAUSE Go ahead, try it! That is all there is to it. You can also back up to an external USB hard drive or to another machine, if you are on a network. Nothing to buy. Xcopy has been at the core, available free since the mid 1980's Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Product Review: Water Armour I found this product online. It is called Water Armour and makes the water just run off your shower doors and tiles too. Soap scum doesn't stick either so clean up is fast and easy and it seems to last forever! They say you can use it on counter tops and even car windshields. It is amazing! By Sassie321 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A marine biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. "Some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles," he said. "What the heck would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked his sarcastic friend. "I can't be sure," he expert said, "but it sounds something like 'Can you hear me now?'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
*"The license fee for altered dogs with a certificate will be $3 and for pets owned by senior citizens who have not been altered the fee will be $1.50." *"Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." *"The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump."
» Warm & Cold Blooded


Today, March 29, in
1461 - Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by
  defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon.
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession 
  of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz.
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam.
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to 
  create the Dominion of Canada.
1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia.
1903 A regular news service began between New York and London 
  on Marconi's wireless.
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
  seeking higher wages.
1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo.
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar.
1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
  Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean.
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began 
  during World War II.
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for truce in Korea.
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were 
  convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were 
  executed in June 19, 1953.
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders.
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine.
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty 
  of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. 
  He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result 
  of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968.
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for 
  Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
  Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
  commuted to live in prison.
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
  spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been 
  launched on November 3, 1973.
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would 
  reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975.
1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. 
  House of Representatives stated the assassination of 
  President John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy.
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
  "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference 
  to when he had experimented with marijuana. 
  Nobody believed him.
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial 
  support to women who had been forced to have sex with 
  Japanese troops during World War II.
1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional 
  amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the 
  U.S. House and Senate.
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia 
  and Slovenia became members of NATO
2013  smiled


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How do I make the Degree symbol ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) Humor is just another defense against the universe. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy
Thanks to Hope for this report: It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, HE MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect none for himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes 54. give her authority, but never expect her to be responsible, because after all, it is the man's fault for giving her the authority. 55. give her the last word, no matter what the cost to his life and limb AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget:* birthdays, * anniversaries and * arrangements she makes with or without telling him about them. How To Make A Man Happy: 1. Show up naked 2. Fix him something to eat
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Addendum to yesterday's Jedi part by Martha You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If... You got "4x4" painted on each of your X-wings. You have an older model X-wing up on blocks in your yard, right beside the (Plymouth) Fury, in which you claim, the Lord drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden Of Eden.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin Esmurria, 30, Largo, Florida Registered Child Sex Offender Jailed for molesting toddler Reported by The Weekly Vice Edwin Esmurria, a 30-year-old Florida man, was jailed Saturday after he allegedly broke into Pinellas County home and molested a 3-year-old girl. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Esmurria entered the home early Saturday morning, climbed into bed with a 3-year-old girl and then proceeded to molest the child. The girl's brother, who was sleeping in the same room, ran to his mother's room for help when he awoke to find Esmurria in the room. Investigators say the mother attacked Esmurria, and a fight ensued. When a second person entered the room and intervened, Esmurria fled the scene. Deputies tracked Esmurria down and took him into custody. Esmurria, a registered sex offender, was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged with sexual battery on a child under 12, and two counts of battery. Esmurria was not granted bail on the sex charge and is now awaiting trial. Esmurria was sentenced to prison time in 2007 after he was found guilty of lewd and lascivious battery on a minor aged 12-15. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Degree Symbol Dear Webby, I have belonged to this group for support in all areas of our lives and we use message boards a lot in there, I have one that asked people what the weather is like in their neighborhood cause its a worldwide club. My question is this. Is there any way i can make the temperature symbol that we use here in America? Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. Randall Dear Randall I use ALT 167 to get the degree symbol: º You do need a numeric key pad for that, like you got on a regular keyboard. If you don't have a numeric keypad, copy it from here, º or from the page I made ages ago for that at http://webby.com/char.html If you have the desktop Post-It-Notes, you can put often used characters onto one like this: º € £ © etc., Then you can just copy them from there whenever you need one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ammonia To Whiten Clothes I found a way to whiten and brighten my clothes without bleach or Oxyclean, which I am allergic to. I take a bucket of approximately 1/2 gallon of very warm to hot water and 1 cup of lemon ammonia. I start with my lightest color or white garment that has turned dingy or gray and put it in the bucket. I swirl it all around with a stick. I take it out, wring it out and throw it in the washer. Then I go to the next lightest garment. If I should run low on this mixture, I just add another 1/2 gallon of very warm water and another cup of lemon ammonia then load the washer with the other clothes. If there's any solution left, I just dump it in the washer and start the load in the usual manner. On occasion, I put a cup of white vinegar in the rinse water. I've never had my clothes smell like ammonia and the ammonia is much gentler on the fabric then bleach. Source: I noticed my cleaning rags would come out cleaner when I use ammonia so I gave it a try. By Babbie from Lemon Grove, CA WARNING: Never use bleach if you use ammonia! If you mix ammonia nad bleach, you create poison gas! Don't allow any experiments involving ammonia or bleach! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice that all others could hear, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
» Warm & Cold Blooded


Today, March 28, in
1738 English parliament declares war on Spain (War of 
  Jenkin's Ear) 
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts.
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine.
1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for 
  the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the 
  United States.
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring 
  war on Russia.
1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. 
  The law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees."
1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S.
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
  U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
  that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion
  Act.
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues.
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
  a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal 
  registration.
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France. 
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
  businesses, professions and schools.
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-shock 
  therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses.
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco.
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle 
  of Matapan.
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island 
  nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and 
  suffered a partial meltdown.
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the 
   Nicaraguan contras.
1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties 
  played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST.
1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended 
  with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the 
  trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon.
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to 
  buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2013  smiled


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Print only selected parts 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 26.

A few people asked me why Connie's book is so checp at
The Teachable Minute.
What you can do there is Pre-Order the book, before it is
delivered to the book stores. Pre-orders are a method for
creating word-of-mouth advertising for books and music.
They are confident, that you will brag about it, and get 
others interested, and that by the time the book hits 
the book stores, there will be good demand for it.

Some experts in the publishing field, like for example 
the great hypmotist Dr Joe Vitale, even get hundreds of 
people to offer free bonuses, if you buy a certain book 
of his on a certain day, so that he can claim to have
an Amazon BestSeller. (for a day)

Connie isn't using any stunts or hypnotizing a herd of
shills, she just offers you a really good deal by pre-
ordering her book.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." --- Jeff Marder
At the company water cooler, Joe bragged about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a yearlong research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped him short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If... You call your young apprentice, "Junior" Your landspeeder has a gun rack. You call Yoda your Li'l green buddy. You have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill. Your Jedi robe is camouflage colored. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored. You can describe the taste of an Ewok. You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot." You got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids. You have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder. You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. You've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon. You feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca. You use your lightsabor as a bug zapper
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Takeya Clemons, 19, Dayton, OH Jailed After Having Sex With Minor Girl, Posting Video Of Encounter On Facebook Takeya Clemons, a 19-year-old Ohio woman, was jailed after she had sex with an underage girl, video-recorded the encounter, and then uploaded the video to Facebook. According to Montgomery County prosecutors, Clemons was charged on Thursday and her case will now go before a Montgomery County Grand Jury. Investigators say Clemons had sex with a 16-year-old girl, created a video of the sexual encounter, and then uploaded the video to Facebook when the two had a falling out. Facebook removed the video and terminated the offending account after they had been notified about the video. Clemons was booked into jail and charged with pandering sexually oriented material involving a minor. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Print Selected parts only Dear Webby, glad you noted the bit about inflating the life jacket after - I'm very surprised he was able to get out of a helicopter - there are many from which exit is extremely tight even without a life preserver - I need some tech help - I occasionally get an email with some interesting text (not an attachment) that I would like to copy - all I get when I open "file" and to the print tab is the letter heading - nothing that has been typed - and I am lousy at "highlighting" - wonder why it just doesn't copy whatever is on the screen? Bill Dear Bill I remember a stew, I think it was on Scare North on a DC3 with the back cargo door permanently duck-taped and sealed, telling us that if somebody inflated their life jacket before they were out the door and in the water, it was no problem at all. She said she had a special poker to let their air out, and showed us a wicked looking dagger with a nice thrusting motion. "If I poke a bit too deep, just say "OhhhAhrrrrghh!" She got her point across. Re selection copying: Use your mouse with the left button held down to smear and select what you want. When that is highlighted, hit CTRL C to copy. After that, you can jump to any other program, for example a Word Processor, open a new document or put the cursor into an existing one, and hit CRL V CTRL V will paste the copied selection right where you got the cursor. If you forgot to precisely place the cursor, it barfs the stuff right where the cursor is. In that case, hit CTRL Z to undo the paste job, put the cursor where it should be, and hit CTRL V to paste. Other keys will do the same, but CTRL C and CTRL V allow you to do it with the left hand, without having to take the right hand off the mouse. If you want to print the selection, make sure the stuff you want is highlighted, Hit CTRL P to print Click on "Print Selection Only" and hit OK. You can also click on Page Set-up and adjust the ZOOM. If it's just a smart-ass quote by you or another great philosopher, you might want to turn the page to Landscape and zoom the writing to 300%. You can adjust all those things in Page Set-up, and even preview the print job. "OOOPS, 300% is a bit too big, let's try 250%." When it looks right, then hit PRINT. Selecting portions should be as easy as falling into bed at 5 am. Put the cursor at the start of what you want to select, hold down the left mouse button, and with it still held down, drag to the end of what you want copied. Let go and without moving the mouse, hit CTRL C to copy. If that does not work properly and consistently every time, then your mouse has a problem. Mice are cheap. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cover Keyboard With Plastic Wrap Having JUST replaced our keyboard (thanks to a kitten and milk disaster), I put a sheet of the self-sealing saran wrap over the keyboard. It stretches enough to allow the keys to be pressed, and does a marvelous job at keeping the crud out of the keyboard! By Eileen from Elk Grove, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" she yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk, seeing that the customer was well-dressed and pro- bably had a well-padded pocketbook, showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at $12,000. The customer says, "No, not quite what I need." Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. A steal at only $7,500. The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy." The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $299.95. The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it's an informal wedding."
» The Bone Boneyard


Today, March 27, in
1350 While besieging Gibraltar Alfonso XI of Castile 
  died of the Black Death.
1794 The U.S. Congress and President Washington authorized 
  the creation of the U.S. Navy.
1802 The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French
  Revolutionary War.
1814 U.S. troops under Gen. Andrew Jackson defeated the 
  Creek Indians at Horshoe Bend in Northern Alabama.
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH.
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City.
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn.
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
  England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
  G. Marconi.
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
  gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in 
  South Africa.
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops
1907 French troops occupied Oudja, Morocco, as a 
  punitive action for the murder of French Dr. Muchamp.
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion 
  of Honor decoration.
1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying 
  for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor.
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
  St. Nazaire, France.
1944 One-thousand Jews left Drancy, France, 
  for the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland.
1944 Thousands of Jews were murdered in Kaunas, Lithuania.
1946 Four-month strikes at both General Electric and 
  General Motors ended with a small wage increase.
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel 
  in Korea, the original dividing line between Koreas.
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon.
1964 An earthquake in Alaska killed 114 people and 
  registered 8.4 on the Richter Scale.
1968 Yuri Gagarin, the first man to orbit the earth, 
  died in a plane crash.
1976 Washington, DC, opened its subway system.
1977 About 570 people died when a KLM 747 and a 
  Pan Am 747 collided with each other on a foggy 
  runway on the Canary Island of Tenerife.
1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the 
  first test in space.
1992 Police in Philadelphia, PA, arrested a man with 
  AIDS on charges that he may have infected several 
  hundred teenage boys with HIV through sexual relations.
1997 2 million Russian workers held a nationwide strike 
  to protest unpaid wages.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the drug Viagra.
1998 Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, 
  Germany and Britain agreed to create a single European 
  aerospace and defense company.
1998 Ax-wielders killed at least 52 people in southern 
  Algeria, most of which were toddlers.
2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A 
  jet that hit Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph).
2006 Zacarias Moussaoui testified in his federal trail 
  that he was supposed to hijack a fifth airplane 
  on September 11, 2001, and fly it into the White House.
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
  officiating tool.
2013  smiled


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Alternatives to DSL 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 26.

Dr Connie Hiebert, a facebook friend suggested that I tell you
about her book about helping kids grow smart & appreciative:
The Teachable Minute.
If you need some ammo in that field, go check it out!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? --- George Wallace There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
>From D Although many men in our rural area have difficulty accepting women's lib, my husband helps with the housework. One day he took over the vacuuming while I went to the store. The doorbell rang. It was one of his friends, a burly ranch foreman clad in a battered cowboy hat, faded jeans and worn boots. "I was just cleaning," my husband said somewhat abashed, turning off the vacuum. The rancher looked relieved. "That's all right," he said gruffly, handing my husband a white paper bag. "I'm delivering Avon!"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "WOW! Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
Click on the picture for the large version Church in Kiev, Ukraine
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alfredo Malespini III, 31, in Bradford, PA Fed Prison guard shoots his own finger Reported by NY Daily News and others A federal prison guard has been charged with shooting his own finger in a drunken attempt to remove his wedding ring during an argument with his wife at their northwestern Pennsylvania home, police said. A criminal complaint said Bradford police were called just before 9 p.m. March 2 and were met by Alfredo Malespini III, 31, who told officers he was "trying to get rid of his wedding ring" and decided to "shoot it off." The gunshot badly mangled Malespini's finger, but didn't remove the ring, police said. At the time of the shooting in Bradford, which is near the New York border about 130 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, Malespini was employed as a lieutenant at the Federal Correctional Institution-McKean, a medium security prison a few miles away. Malespini was taken to UPMC Hamot hospital where he was treated for the gunshot wound and also for mental or emotional issues, Caskey said. Police have been called to the Malespini residence a "couple times" previously for domestic disputes, but Caskey said he doesn't believe Malespini had ever been charged with a crime before. On the day of the shooting, Malespini "had been drinking quite heavily throughout the day and he and his wife had been arguing throughout the day about an affair he had had several months ago," Caskey said. Malespini has been charged with disorderly conduct and was cited for firing a weapon within city limits but also is charged with reckless endangerment, a second-degree misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison. That's because the bullet Malespini fired could have endangered someone else, Caskey said. Tech Support Pits From: Bernie Re: DSL Alternatives Dear Webby, My ISP don't offer DSL in this area because we are so rural. What other choices do I have for a higher speed Internet. This dialup is just too slow. I really enjoy your newsletter and Vote everyday. Thanks much, Bernie Dear Bernie Without knowing exactly where you live, it's difficult to make a suggestion. If you have cable TV, then you usually can get RR (Rural Route or Road Runner). That is even faster than DSL. If you don't have cable TV, there is Satellite DSL. It's expensive, and a bit flakey, but a lot of people in the deep South use it. The satellites are getting better and people further and further North are using it in rural areas. With Satellite DSL you get fast downloads when the weather is clear, but uploads are via your regular dial-up. If you never upload web pages and pictures, then that is not a problem. You can also continue to use your current Dial-Up for anything, that does not have to be fast. For example, usually email is just as fast on Dial-Up as it is on DSL. During snow storms or heavy rain, the satellite DSL has connectivity problems and will be intermittent. If you just use the metered Satellite DSL when speed is important, you can reduce your costs, however, if you have kids, who like downloading music, stick with cheap, unmetered Dial-Up. If you are in an area, where you can use a cell phone, then you can use an "Air Card" or similar cellular modem. You can get pretty good speed with an Air Card SOME of the time. At other times it will be slow. Cost is definitely a lot more than for Dial-Up, but in some areas, it may be your only solution. Air Cards get through storms, when Satellite DSL doesn't. Verizon is one of the providers, that have Air Cards. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Clothespins Who doesn't want to save a little money and keep numerous dry goods fresher longer? Head to your laundry room and grab all the cloths pegs you can. Wooden ones are cheaper to buy. Keep a stash in your "go to" kitchen drawer. Use a clothes peg to seal up the wax bags in all your cereal boxes, tube of opened crackers, and bags of chips, pretzels, and other snack food. Discard those tie wraps from loaves of bread and replace with a cloths peg. Use them in the refrigerator as well for bags of lettuce, cheese, and even frozen goods. If you start your garden from seed, as I do, use them to reseal the seed packages and you can even write on the wooden pegs with planting info. I'm sure you'll find many more uses too! By Angie from Russellville, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From Arthur When I was still in middle management, I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in a Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Dan While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was in lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in the lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to float!" As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!" ------------------------ By the way, you are NOT supposed to inflate the life jacket until AFTER you are through the door. You might not make it through the door with an inflated life jacket, and really annoy the people behind you.
» Orcinus Orca


Today, March 26, in
1026 Conrad II crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX
1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine.
1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France.
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of 
  the Mississippi to Louisiana.
1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced 
  the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY.
1898 In South Africa, the world's first game reserve, the 
  Sabi Game reserve, was designated.
1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali as 
  shah in place of the constitutional government.
1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 
  Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists 
  and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S.
1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry 
  withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance.
1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye.
1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria.
1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland.
1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended.
1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when 
  the Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska 
  and were intercepted by a U.S. naval force.
1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful 
  satellite, Explorer III.
1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the 
  independent republic of Bangladesh.
1973 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat took over the premiership 
  and said "the stage of total confrontation (with Israel) 
  has become inevitable."
1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt 
  that ended the 31-year state of war between the countries.
1989 The first free elections took place in the Soviet Union. 
  Boris Yeltsin was elected.
1991 The presidents of Argentina, Paraguay, Brazil and Uruguay 
  signed an agreement that established the Southern Cone 
  Common Market, a free-trade zone, by January 1, 1995.
1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson 
  was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. 
  He only served three.
1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls.
1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion 
  loan for Russia to help the country transform its economy.
1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a 
  mansion in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed 
  suicide thinking that they would be picked up by a spaceship 
  following behind the comet Hale-Bopp.
1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test 
  that yields instant results.
1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-degree 
  murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal injection and 
  putting it all on videotape on September 17, 1998 for "60 Minutes."
2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a new 
  football arena. I remember watching that live over the 
  Internet. It was awesome!
2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected 
  president.
2013  smiled


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No tools in Spybot? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) There is only one you... Don't you dare change just because you're outnumbered! --- Charles Swindoll Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. --- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "YOU ? Making your own bed every morning?"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dustin Stirewalt, 20 of Grace Church Road, SALISBURY, NC Smelly Dope Reported by The Weekly Vice Police in North Carolina said the odor of freshly-sprayed cologne at a traffic checkpoint led to the discovery marijuana and pills. The Salisbury Police Department said Officer J.R. Cable became suspicious when he detected "the strong odor of freshly sprayed cologne" coming from a vehicle at a traffic checkpoint and searched the vehicle. Cable discovered marijuana and pills in the vehicle, police said. Dustin Stirewalt, 20, was jailed on three counts of drug possession. He was released after posting $5,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: No tools in spybot Dear Webby, in my copy of " spybot-search & destroy " there is no "tools" listed. is there a newer version available? daniel Dear Daniel Switch to advanced mode, then you see the tools in the left bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mesh Bag for Cleaning Cookie Cutters Use the mesh bag from your next turkey to throw your cookie cutters into. Place the mesh and cookie cutters in your dish washer making sure that the end is closed and placed over a prong. The cutters can swish around and not get thrown around. Cleaning is a breeze this way. By Louella from Billings, MT You can use 5 lb Onion bags for washing drooled on and dirty lego blocks and small toys. Works fine in the sink too. Just get your toddler to swish around the noisy bag for a while, then rinse it. Because it makes noise, they love doing it. They will even put the blocks into the onion bag after playing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you come on stage and light all the candles." "I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the one picked. Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made his interest. The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat again, and gestured for a louder line, which the choir gave him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy. The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and the choir thundered into the line - the curtains belled slightly from the sound - "...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!" And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right "...and my sister took my lighter!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "All of grandma's hairs are white. You must have been really evil!"
» Seeing Legs


Today, March 25, in
0421 The city of Venice was founded.
1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland.
1409 The Council of Pisa opened.
1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland.
1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military 
  victory over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland.
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 
  20,000 people were killed.
1700 England, France and Netherlands ratify the 
  2nd Extermination Treaty.
1807 The first railway passenger service began in England.
1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade.
1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey.
1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine.
1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a 
  solar eclipse.
1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire 
  and sank. 400 people were killed.
1879 Japan invaded the kingdom of Liuqiu (Ryukyu) Islands, formerly a vassal of China.
1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia).
1900 The U.S. Socialist Party was formed in Indianapolis.
1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the 
  five-day "Week of Nice" in Nice, France.
1901 It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were 
  beginning to fear annexation.
1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace.
1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested 
  on 300 murder charges.
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
  Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners 
  of the company were indicted on manslaughter charges 
  because some of the employees had been behind locked 
  doors in the factory. The owners were later acquitted 
  and in 1914 they were ordered to pay damages to each 
  of the twenty-three families that had sued.
1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off 
  the Hawaiian coast.
1919 The Paris Peace Commission adopted a plan to protect 
  nations from the influx of foreign labor.
1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access 
  to all American warplanes.
1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people.
1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea.
1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set
1957 The European Economic Community was established 
  with the signing of the Treaty of Rome.
1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered 
  submarine for the first time.
1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight.
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for 
  the Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops 
  to the Nicaraguan border.
1990 A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social 
  club, killed 87 people.
1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union.
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major 
 counter-offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds 
 in northern Iraq.
1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after
  spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station.
1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had 
  built six nuclear bombs, but said that they had 
  since been dismantled.
1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen 
  began at a ranch near Jordan, MT.
1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for 
  licenses for new wireless technology.
2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims 
  of Violence Act (H.R. 1997) to make it a separate crime 
  to harm a fetus during the commission of a violent 
  federal crime.
2013  smiled


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Is this the end of MSN Mail ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Love does not dominate; it cultivates. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo
If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, crater the building, and call for an air strike to make sure. If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

From Bobbie: On vacation this year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 50 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranchowner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derwayne Sharp, 38, Greensboro, N.C. Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Child And Dog Reported by The Weekly Vice Derwayne Sharp, a 38-year-old North Carolina bonehead, has been jailed after he allegedly raped a child and sexually assaulted a dog. According to the Guilford County Sheriff's Office, Sharp is accused of sexually assaulting a young girl and a dog. Although the alleged crime reportedly took place in 2005, an investigation hadn't been launched into the matter until January of this year. Sharp was arrested on January 11th and was charged with sexual exploitation of a minor. Those charges were upgraded on Monday to first-degree rape of a child, crimes against nature, sexual offense with a child, taking indecent liberties with children and two counts of sexual exploitation of a minor. Sharp's bond has been set at $525,000. He made an initial court appearance on Tuesday and is expected back in court some time next week. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: MSN Problems Dear Webby Just wondering, Did MSN change to Outlook, or did I do something to change my Hotmail to Outlook??? I don't like it. And what can I do to go back to MSN? Also...We'd REALLY appreciate it if you'd stop sending the cold and snow to Ohio !!! Penny Dear Penny MSN mail is dead or dying. Just like Microsoft decided that Windows 7 is suitable punishment for the sins of your wild youth, so is Windows Live, that they want you to use instead of HoeMail, MSN Mail and Outlook Depressed. You have a choice: Follow the edict from the papal throne and get used to Windows Live, or be an uncouth heathen rebel and switch to Gmail or one of the classic email programs. I have used Eudora since long before there was MSN mail, and I am not about to change to a lesser program in the foreseeable future. If I had to change, I would go with Thunderbird. If you want a full-featured email program, there is a lot of choice: Eudora, the good old Rolls Royce; Pegasus, another classic, still going strong, though it may reqire reading some instructions; Thunderbird: New and slick and diligently updated by the Mozilla crew, that takes care of FireFox. And so on. By the way, you CAN use a nice and respectable Gmail adress with a full-featured land based email program. You are not restricted to use it as just WebMail. You can pull it down and manage your mail with a full-featured email program. The Webmail part of Gmail is very brief and very limited. It is good enough to quickly check your mail while at McDonalds or some other WiFi Hotspot, but not intended for proper email management. For that you use a full featured POP email program. Re the cold in Ohio: My lap is nice and warm! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frozen Drinks for Flying I flew recently out of the country and had a few bottles of thirst quencher with me. I had decided to freeze two of them, and these were the only ones that made it though the security screening. So I learned it's the only way you can carry drinks - frozen solid. By SSilva from Chicago, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

When future U.S. president William Howard Taft was president of the Philippine Commission in 1900, Secretary of War Elihu Root cabled him to ask how he was--Root had heard that Taft was ill. Taft, who weighed over 350 pounds, reassured Root by cabling that he was much better and that he had, in fact, just returned from a twenty-five-mile ride on horseback. Elihu Root cabled back, "How is the horse?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bim Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper. One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was fiendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "yes". The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "do you want a box?" Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose and in the right eye. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckilly, our salesman was also the father of a 4-year-old.
» Sweet n Sassy


Today, March 24, in
1379 The Gelderse war ended.
1545 German Parliament opened in Worms.
1720 In Paris, banking houses closed due to financial crisis.
1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the American 
  colonies to house 10,000 British troops
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio.
1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote
1878 The British frigate Eurydice sank killing 300.
1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in 
  Connecticut. 
  It was known as Tobacco Growers’ Mutual Insurance Company.
1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the 
  discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus).
1898 The first US made automobile was sold.
1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the Japanese 
  strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur.
1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened as a 
  rival to the Panama Canal.
1906 The "Census of the British Empire" revealed that England 
  ruled 1/5 of the world.
1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal punishment.
1924 Greece became a republic.
1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with Chiang 
  Kai-shek over the Nationalist goals.
1938 The U.S. asked that all powers help refugees fleeing 
  from the Nazis.
1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its 
  troops from Iran.
1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service.
1960 A U.S. appeals court ruled that the novel, 
  "Lady Chatterly’s Lover", was not obscene and could be 
  sent through the mail.
1972 Great Britain imposed direct rule over Northern Ireland.
1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed 
  by her country's military.
1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels 
 (11 million gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound 
 after it ran aground.
1989 The U.S. decided to send humanitarian aid to the Contras.
1999 NATO launched air strikes against Yugoslavia (Serbia, 
  Montenegro, Kosovo and Vojvodina). The attacks marked the 
  first time in its 50-year history that NATO attacked a 
  sovereign country. The bombings were in response to Serbia's 
  refusal to sign a peace treaty with ethnic Albanians who 
  were seeking independence for the province of Kosovo.
1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France was an 
  inferno after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught 
  on fire. At least 30 people were killed.
2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed after opposition 
  protesters took over President Askar Akayev's presidential 
  compound and government offices.
2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a 
  permanent cease-fire.
2013  smiled


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Is MSN Mail dead ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 23.



They got the 3 dead and 300 injured car pile-up on the #2, 
north of where Dianne, the lady who does the Bonus links, 
lives, cleaned up.
She sent me this picture:

Apparently the Jack-Knife happened really slowly, and none
of the cattle in the trailer were hurt.
The truck needed major equipment, though, to get straightened 
out.

By the way, Dianne celebrates her 29th birthday today.
You can write to her at funk1@fire-cat.com
and wish her a happy birthday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry (1885 - 1957) Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic. The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious Patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his Composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical Insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Crystal Frantzen, 28, of 938 Big Hollow Road, Blountville, and Gary Lynn Tipton, 58, of 2300 Portland Ave., Kingsport. Prostitute and car seller sent to jail in Tennessee for low down haggling Reported by Haggling over the price of a car took a turn towards the illegal Wednesday morning, according to police, after reports of indecent exposure at a Blountville gas station prompted the arrest of a pair on prostitution-related charges. The female suspect allegedly admitted to performing oral sex on a man who was selling a used car, in an effort to, "get a better deal." Police report they also located 6 Valium in possession of the male suspect, prompting additional drug charges. Shortly before noon the Sullivan County Sheriff's Office began receiving multiple calls about a possible indecent exposure in progress at the BP Station, 1309 Highway 394. An incident report says a responding deputy observed the suspects' vehicle, a gray Cadillac, at the nearby intersection of Highway 394 and Franklin Drive. A stop was conducted with the occupants identified as Gary Lynn Tipton, 58, of 2300 Portland Ave., Kingsport, and Crystal Frantzen, 28, of 938 Big Hollow Road, Blountville. The report says Frantzen admitted to being at the gas station inside the vehicle with Tipton, who was selling the car, and performing oral sex to get a better price. She was arrested and charged with prostitution. Police say Tipton also admitted to the incident, prompting his arrest on charges of solicitation of prostitution. In Tipton's pocket officers reportedly located a plastic container containing six Valium, meriting an additional charge of possession of schedule II drugs. Frantzen and Tipton were booked into the Sullivan County jail. Mr Tipton's bond had been set at $2,000 while ms Frantzen's bond is $1000. They really seem to frown upon carrying Valium while haggling out the price of an old car. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: MSN Problems Dear Webby Just wondering, Did MSN change to Outlook, or did I do something to change my Hotmail to Outlook??? I don't like it. And what can I do to go back to MSN? Also...We'd REALLY appreciate it if you'd stop sending the cold and snow to Ohio !!! Penny Dear Penny MSN mail is dead or dying. Just like Microsoft decided that Windows 7 is suitable punishment for the sins of your wild youth, so is Windows Live, that they want you to use instead of HoeMail, MSN Mail and Outlook Depressed. You have a choice: Follow the edict from the papal throne and get used to Windows Live, or be an uncouth heathen rebel and switch to Gmail or one of the classic email programs. I have used Eudora since long before there was MSN mail, and I am not about to change to a lesser program in the foreseeable future. If I had to change, I would go with Thunderbird. If you want a full-featured email program, there is a lot of choice: Eudora, the good old Rolls Royce; Pegasus, another classic, still going strong, though it may reqire reading some instructions; Thunderbird: New and slick and diligently updated by the Mozilla crew, that takes care of FireFox. And so on. By the way, you CAN use a nice and respectable Gmail adress with a full-featured land based email program. You are not restricted to use it as just WebMail. You can pull it down and manage your mail with a full-featured email program. The Webmail part of Gmail is very brief and very limited. It is good enough to quickly check your mail while at McDonalds or some other WiFi Hotspot, but not intended for proper email management. For that you use a full featured POP email program. Re the cold in Ohio: My lap is nice and warm! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Dry Skin I have been using pure coconut oil for the past two months. I no longer have red, cracked, and bleeding hands nor do my feet have large unhappy cracks in them. It even stopped my fingernails from flaking and splitting. I use it daily and if applying to my feet, at bedtime, I wear socks to bed. But the oil doesn't seem to stain anything. It is also a good deodorant and anti-fungal cream, thus removing unwanted odors as well. Seems to be an excellent all around product. By jayston Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
» Sweet n Sassy


Today, March 23, in
1026 Koenraad II crowned himself king of Italy.
1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain.
1775 American revolutionary Patrick Henry declared, 
  "give me liberty, or give me death!"
1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine.
1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark, reached the Pacific coast, 
  and began their return journey to the east.
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain.
1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale.
1839 The first recorded use of "OK" [oll korrect] was 
  used in Boston's Morning Post.
1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken.
1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria.
1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger 
  elevator in a public building. It was at the corner 
  of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City.
1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar.
1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. 
  The mill increased flour production by 70 percent.
1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for white 
  colonization.
1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her 
  now famous toast.
1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in British 
  concentration camps in South Africa.
1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent.
1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole.
1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal 
  to French President Poincare.
1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence.
1925 The state of Tennessee enacted a law that made it 
  a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public 
  school to teach any theory that was in contradiction 
  to the Bible's account of man's creation (in 7 days).
1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. 
  The act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial 
  legislative powers.
1940 "Truth or Consequences" was heard on radio 
  for the first time.
1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands.
1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began 
  evacuating Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes 
  to concentration camps.
1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars 
  in a surprise attack in Korea.
1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons.
1965 America's first two-person space flight took off from 
  Cape Kennedy with astronauts Virgil I. Grissom and 
  John W. Young aboard. The craft was the Gemini 3.
1965 The Moroccan Army shot at demonstrators. 
  About 100 people were killed.
1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam War 
  the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement.
1970 Mafia "Boss" Carlo Gambino was arrested for 
  plotting to steal $3 million.
1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully 
  jumping 35 cars.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, 
  left Panama for Egypt.
1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory 
  rape a crime for men but not women.
1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development 
  of technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal 
  became known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and 
  "Star Wars."
1989 Two electrochemists, Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischman, 
  announced that they had created nuclear fusion in a 
  test tube at room temperature.
1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was ordered 
  to help clean up Prince William Sound and pay $50,000 in 
  restitution for the 1989 oil spill.
1993 U.N. "experts" announced that record ozone lows had been 
  registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere.
1994 Wayne Gretzky broke Gordie Howe's National Hockey 
  League (NHL) career record with his 802nd goal.
1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections.
1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to 
  Jewish foundations as restitution for Nazi looting.
1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet.
2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the 
  South Pacific after its 15-years of use.
2013 Bonus-Link Dianne turned 29
2013  smiled


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Printing in the wrong font size 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 22.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



From Walter, the Stonecarver:


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test score and $64 change.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awoken from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me." "Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another." The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead." Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?" His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Nicole Williams, 19, Lebanon, Mo jailed for Molesting her own baby Reported by Weekly Vice Ashley Nicole Williams, a 19-year-old Missouri woman, has been jailed after she allegedly molested her own infant child. According to the Laclede County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Mercy Hospital of Lebanon after receiving a report of suspected child abuse. During the investigation, Williams' husband told detectives that he saw Ashley touch the child in a sexual manner on "several occasions" during the past five days. When deputies interviewed Ashley, she allegedly admitted to the charge stating that she wanted to know what it was like to be a molester instead of the one being molested. Ashley Willaims was booked into the Laclede County Jail and charged with first-degree child molestation. She remains held in lieu of $100,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Guinn Re: Printing in wrong font size Dear Webby I type in font size 10, but it prints out in font size 12. How can I correct this without any fuss? I haven't asked for any help for a few months as I have been in hospital or recovery for six months and still find it hard to get things done, like writing letters. Now if you can just fix my problem.... Guinn Dear Guinn The printing is not really done in font sizes any more, unless you use a Dot matrix printer. For the page Set-Up click on File, Page Setup, and set it up there. You can zoom or shrink the page, make ithe page fit the sheet, and do all kinds of neat stuff. Basically, since the demise of the Dot matrix printers, the print job is converted to a picture right on your computer. That picture can be squished or stretched any way you want. You can check with the Print Preview how it will look. The printer does no longer store fonts, that can be called during printing. It simply prints the picture of the page. I get my toner from Atlantic Inkjet, very cheap, especially with the WEBBY coupon. Thanks to Atlantic Inkjet I can afford to print nice pictures and hang them up. To make them fit exactly one sheet, I use the Page Setup and Print Preview. So, don't worr about point sizes, just squish the page to your liking. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Blisters in Tight Shoes I found that swathing between my toes lightly with lotion, vaseline or face cream before I put on my socks eases this friction before a blister can form. Any other ideas out there? Placing lambswool became a problem keeping it in place. By Avis Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From AmberRose: I'd noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother. "Things haven't changed that much," she said. "Only difference is, before, he didn't listen. Now, he can't."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Why English Teachers Retire Early The following similes and metaphors were committed by US high school students. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. 7. The revelation that his marriage had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30. 11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm traveling at 35 mph. 14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 16. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 19. He was deeply in love. When she spoke he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 20. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 21. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
» Sweet n Sassy


Today, March 22, in
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book.
1622 Indians attacked a group of colonist in the 
  James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed.
1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was 
  enacted. It was in Boston, MA.
1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property 
  in Prussia.
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer).
1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying 
  slaves to other countries.
1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch.
1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual 
  equality in employment.
1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy.
1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie 
  to an invited audience in Paris.
1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep 
  Russia from encroaching on Korea.
1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought.
1904 The first color photograph was published in the 
  London Daily Illustrated Mirror.
1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday.
1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria 
  in the face of advancing Japanese forces.
1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers 
  dressed as big busted women to attract riders.
1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway 
  stations.
1935 Persia was renamed Iran.
1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations.
1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium.
1946 The first U.S. rocket (a captured German V2) to leave 
  the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles.
1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea.
1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. 
1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare 
  against the Vietcong.
1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and 
  South Vietnam. The truce included general elections.
1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on market.
1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, 
  to find a place to unload. After being refused by several 
  states and three countries space was found back in Islip.
1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood 
  not guilty in the Valdez oil spill.
1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty 
  in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover 
  to kill her husband.
1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's 
  LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people.
1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 
  64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS.
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth 
  after setting a record for 438 days in space.
2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana 
  of Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were 
  written to a former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 21.
Happy first day of spring!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side, as long as somebody else is paying for it. --- Socratex There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. --- George Bernard Shaw
Two friends signed up for college. When they looked at their schedules, the first friend noticed he had Logical Reasoning as a class. Not knowing what it was, he went to the class and asked the teacher what logical reasoning was. The teacher than proceeded to explain: "Do you have a weed eater?" "Yes," replied the guy. "You have a weed eater, which means you have a lawn, which means you have a house, which means you have kids, which means you have a wife, which means you're straight." When he got out of class, he met with his friend who asked him what logical reasoning was about. "Well," said the guy. "Do you have a weed eater?" "No," replied the friend. "Then you're gay!"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

>From Edna A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house. One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him. "Now we're getting somewhere," he said. "Tell me the secret. I promise I won't tell anyone." She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, "We have monsters in our sewer."
Click on the picture for the large version Where is spring?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bridgett Dixon, 42, Monongahela, Pennsylvania Jailed After Parking Car On Railroad Tracks To Prevent Trains From Blowing Their Horns Reported by Weekly Vice Bridgett Dixon, a 42-year-old Monongahela woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly parked her car on a set of railroad tracks to stop any train that might come through town blowing its horn. DUH! When they see anything on the tracks, they blow their horns until the stuff has been removed! According to Monongahela police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report that a woman, later identified as Dixon, was at a local convenience store complaining that her car was stuck on a set of nearby railroad tracks. When officers arrived on the scene around 11:30 p.m., they found Dixon's vehicle parked on the tracks with the vehicle's doors left open. When officers asked Dixon why her vehicle was parked on the tracks to begin with, she stated that the sound of the train's horn made her angry and she intended to stop any train that might come through with its horn blowing. Officers determined that Dixon didn't live in the area where her car was parked on the tracks. She was booked into jail on numerous charges, including risking a catastrophe. She was released after posting $5,000 bond. She is scheduled to appear in court on March 26th for a preliminary hearing. Tech Support Pits From: Adam Re: PayPal buttons Dear Webby How difficult is it to set up PayPal buttons like you have? I want to sell some wooden toys via an online page. Adam Dear Adam PayPal buttons are extremely difficult and intimidating, until you actually get started. Once you get started with them, and follow the step by step instructions, it's easy. You wonder what all the fuss was about. As long as you have a PayPal account, and a web site, there is really nothing difficult about making a button. To have buttons work with email is a different story. Many email programs can't handle that. So for email, just send people to your site. That makes it very easy and straight forward. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back Scrubber For Washing Feet I keep a back brush that I purchased for a dollar at the dollar store in my shower, and use it to clean my heels and toes. A light scrubbing with it exfoliates and keeps calluses from forming. It's much easier than bending over to clean my feet. By Ginny from Murrells Inlet, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From Connie Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because the people are sleeping.
» The Cardstacker:


Today, March 21, in
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in 
  Erfurt Germany.
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was 
  burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the 
  last of seven recantations that same day.
1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was 
  destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed.
1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted.
1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses.
1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California.
1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000.
1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the 
  first time by Henri Farman of France.
1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized 
  the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia 
  accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on 
  March 31, 1909.
1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days 
  of raids over Germany.
1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in 
  San Francisco Bay, CA, closed.
1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused orders to advance.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. 
  Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 
  1980 Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet 
  intervention in Afghanistan.
1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries 
  condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan.
1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk 
  off the coast of Japan.
1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire 
  for $26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million.
1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison 
  after his conviction was overturned. The documentary 
  "The Thin Blue Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' 
  conviction for killing a police officer.
1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend.
1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular
  Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 
  840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe.
1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have 
  American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face 
  murder charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a 
  plea bargain Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison.
2013  smiled


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Radio recording to CD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age. --- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957) In this life you sometimes have to choose Between pleasing God and pleasing man. In the long run it's better to please God. He's more apt to remember. --- Pat Dickerson Son, always tell the truth. Then you'll never have to remember what you said the last time. --- Sam Rayburn (1882 - 1961)
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." ----------- And Fred obviously does not use MapQuest !
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eran Hess, 44, Tel Aviv, Israel Israeli jailed for fake bomb scare at airport Reported by Ann An Israeli tourist set off a massive security panic at Newark Airport and grounded a plane to Miami yesterday after his family was bumped from a flight and he angrily threatened to create a bomb scare, officials said. Eran Hess was charged with “creating a false public alarm” after he allegedly flew into a rage at a United Airlines counter and started a chain of events that put security on high alert and delayed travelers for hours. The trouble started at about 9 a.m. after Hess, 44, arrived from Tel Aviv with his wife and two kids and was told that his connecting flight to Florida was oversold and that they would be on the next plane, and that their luggage was checked through automatically and already on the plane. Apparently he screamed: “I’m going to go over there and tell the TSA I put a bomb in my bag and get my bag back.” After that, Hess and family disappeared into the crowd. Naturally, those words set off an automatic alarm. The plane, that the bages were on was stopped, emptied and searched, and all bags were sniffed. Hess was located a few gates away, trying to board a plane of a different airline. He was arrested and hauled away. He will probably be released after his return flight to Israel has left. ------------ It has happened to me many times, that my luggage arrived by a different plane. When asking at the lost luggage counter for my luggage, they ALWAYS asked:"Has your plane arrived yet?" "No, ya silly bimbo. I am still up in the air, I just sent my body on ahead. Can't you tell?" Then they finally looked it up in their messages, and told me that my luggage would be at carousel #whatever in a few minutes, or had arrived already at some other carousel#. Not a big deal, and since they always made me laugh with the same idiotic question, no matter which airport, I have always looked at it as a joke. Nothing to get upset about. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Record radio to CD Dear Webby I love the news & fun. It's usually the 1st mail I open in this box. Some of your tech questions & answers have been very helpful. Thanks so much. I have a question about listneing to radio online. I have a program I usually tape off my reg radio that comes on every day at the same hour. If for some reason I do not get it I can go the the site online & listend to it again. Is there a way to tape this broadcast onto a cd? If so how mucht time will usually fit on 1 cd.I am using cd-rw that say 700mb & 80 min. Does this mean i can get 1hr +20 min on 1 cd? I appreciate your help on this. Thanks again, Sharon Dear Sharon If you compress the audio to MP3 or MP4, you will get a lot more than 80 minute's worth onto CD, and probably a month's worth of that brodcast onto a DVD. Use a program like Audacity to record the broadcast, save it as MP3 or MP4, and when you got a bunch of those recordings ready, drag them to a CD or DVD. You can add your own comments at the begin or end of each day's recording, and also name each file descritively. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Paint Can Opener I attach a can opener, to the end of a paintbrush, that is removable. This makes things so much more simple instead of searching for the opener every time. By lnygaard I got mine tied to the step ladder with a shoe lace. Even if I don't need the stepladder for the painting, it is easy enough to find. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Anecdotes of a Washington DC area travel agent, who thinks she understands from these anecdotes why we are having problems in the US. I've been a Travel Agent for thirty Years. Following are examples of why our country is in trouble! 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town, I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape town is in Africa," Her response - click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state! 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, “But they look so close on the map." 5 An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." 6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, she bought that. 7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it' (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?" 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." 10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" 11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa when I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" 12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma’am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said. Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A vacationer called a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
» The Bleat Goes On


Today, March 20, in
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of 
  his father Henry IV.
1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants.
1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London 
  to seek gold in Guyana.
1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting 
  Protestantism.
1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and 
  took possession of the Peacock throne.
1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings.
1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved 
  the use of the guillotine.
1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, 
  Turkey, and advanced into Cairo.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape 
  from Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule.
1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin," 
  subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published.
1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, 
  of $14,000.
1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented shoe lacing machine.
1886 The first US AC power plant began commercial operation.
1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated 
  in Dayton, OH.
1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. 
  citizens in the wake of a revolution.
1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for 
  American aid to rebuild their army.
1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. 
  troops back from the Rhineland.
1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first 
  aircraft carrier for the U.S. Navy.
1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first 
  flight to South America on regular schedule.
1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau.
1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany.
1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air 
  raid on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany.
1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces 
  on the Mareth Line in North Africa.
1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught 
  in the South Atlantic.
1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded.
1956 Tunisia gained independence from France.
1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to 
  close all bases in Taiwan.
1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for 
  her role in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank.
1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced 
  to eight years in a convent.
1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit 
  spoken prayer in public schools.
1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome 
  dog race becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod.
1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator 
  Ferdinand Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, 
  embezzlement and bribery.
1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers 
  could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to 
  toxic chemicals could potentially damage a fetus.
1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland.
1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border 
  of Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the 
  Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK).
1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 
  others were sickened when packages containing the nerve 
  gas Sarin was released on five separate subway trains. 
  The terrorists belonged to a doomsday cult in Japan.
1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to 
  "exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons."
2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C.
2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had 
  shredded documents and deleted computer files related to 
  the energy company Enron.
2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait.
2013  smiled


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Fake CNN headlines spam 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 19.

Hillary kicked off her presidential campaign by getting all
the divorce lawyers on her side with a carefully crafted
and meticulously rehearsed speech in favor of same sex 
marriage. It sounded really phony compared to Madonna's
speech on the same topic, even though Madonna was dressed
in a thilly Boy Scout uniform. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb Love truth, and pardon error. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
>From Kim I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches. So when I went into labor and he couldn't drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction. Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrance, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room. "No, it's my wife," he told her. "She's in Labor." "Where is she?" the nurse asked. "She's parking the car and bringing in the bags."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf." With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock off the Peeping Tom routine? I'm trying to poop!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachelle Braaten, 24, and Tyler Lee, 25 in Centralia, WA Couple Jailed After Video Shows Mother Letting Toddler Inhale Bong Hit Rachelle Braaten, 24, and Tyler Lee, 25, were jailed after they allegedly forced their 22-month-old son to smoke marijuana out of a bong. According to Centralia police, an investigation was launched after detectives received a cell phone video from an anonymous witness that showed a mother placing a smoke filled marijuana bong up to her child's face, so that he could inhale from it. Investigators say the room erupted in laughter after the toddler began coughing from the smoke. Police took the child's parents into custody at their residence. A search of the residence turned up 40 marijuana plants and several firearms. The toddler, as well as his 5-year-old brother, were removed from the residence and placed into protective custody. During a police interview, Lee admitted to selling marijuana to a dispensary, but denied being at the residence when the video was recorded. Braaten was booked into the Lewis County Jail and charged with manufacture of marijuana and delivery of a controlled substance to a minor. Her bail was set at $20,000. Lee was booked into jail and charged with unlawful possession of a firearm (because he is a convicted felon) and manufacturing marijuana. He was released on Monday. Tech Support Pits From: Anna Re: Russian spam Dear Webby I got a whole bunch of addresses, and I am getting phony CNN Headline News to each of them. The underlying URL to click on is some Russian domain. There are no Cyrillic characters in the spam, so the filter I got from you, does not catch it. How do I catch it? Anna Dear Anna Yes, I got those silly spams too. What is common with all of them is .ru/ part of the URL of some Russian attack site. If you don't expect any legitimate mail from Russia, simply filter for that. In Mailwasher you make a filter like this: ANY Rule below IF the entire header CONTAINS .ru/ IF the body of the email CONTAINS .ru/ then mark it for deleting automatically. After you make that filter, you will never see a spam with a hidden Russian URL again. That filter does not care wether the URL is visible or hidden. Either way it opens the trap-door to hell. Now I have to modify that filter and make it make an exception for mail from humor@webby.com, otherwise it would dump my test copy of the Humor Letter too. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Cookie Cutters at the Thrift Store Brand new cookie cutters can be quite expensive. The reality is that many people purchase cutters and then don't use them. Quite often you can find cookie cutters at the thrift store that are like new. The best part is that they are sold at a fraction of the original price. We recently found a large bag full of cookie cutters for $5.99 at Goodwill! It is well worth looking the next time you need cookie cutters. By lalala... Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been advocating since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "Nah." was the reply. A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" the man said indignantly. "That's not my dog." was the answer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I got this one from Roland many years ago : Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts. Ole is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home. When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens." Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?" Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?" Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
» Nasca Lines


Today, March 19, in
0721 -BC- 1st recorded lunar eclipse; Location, Babylon  
1452 Frederick III of Hapsburg crowned Roman German Emperor
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila.
1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen.
1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court 
  committed suicide.
1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men 
  while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River
1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews 
  right to colonize in the U.S.
1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The City Bank 
  of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery.
1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool 
  killing 738.
1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of 
  Knossos Palace in Greece.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval 
  bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda.
1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time.
1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time by 
  an American pilot.
1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces 
  took the Honduran capital.
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling.
1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze planes 
  attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan.
1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the 
  destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied 
  hands as German forces were retreating.
1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan, 
  the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party.
1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was 
  tested in Alamogordo, NM.
1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six 
  Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism.
1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies.
1969 British invaded Anguilla.
1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into 
  the Columbia River.
1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the 
  PCjr consumer-oriented computer.
1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of 
  the MX missile.
1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a 
  scandal involving Jessica Hahn.
1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a 
  funeral in Belfast, North Ireland.
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs 
  in Yokohama, Japan.
2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered 
  the first of two days of rolling blackouts.
2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces 
  had launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" 
  in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided 
  bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad.
2013  smiled


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Firefox Session Manager 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Mpnday, March 18.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. --- Abbie Hoffman (1936 - 1989) The real problem is not whether machines think, but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner
On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no 'I' in the word 'marriage.''' The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."
No Turbo-Tomatoes or High Speed lettuce? OK, fine. If you change your mind, tell me.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed up she got, getting all woried over getting the most in the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in estasy. For my last wish... "I'd like to give birth to twins". "Ok....." the genie says. As she is wheelbarreling the dollar bills into the spacious garage, her belly is swelling up with twins. Then the genie comes back. "Since your ex is a male, he can't bear and deliver twins. So you will bear and deliver them over the next ten years. Those ten sets of twins, however, unlike your previous three kids, will be his."
Thanks to dad for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Natisha Hillard, 24, Gary, Indiana Christopher Bour, 39, Hammond, Indiana Natisha Hillard Was The Baby Maker, Chris Bour Was The Baby Raper Gary, Indiana (The Weekly Vice) - Natisha Hillard, 24, Indiana female, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly sold her 1-year-old daughter to a sexual predator - who then used the baby girl to make child pornography. According to Federal Prosecutors, an investigation was launched on February 13 after a woman came forward to report that an acquaintance, identified as 39-year-old Christopher Bour, had sent her graphic text messages that boasted about his alleged intentions to sexually abuse a baby. Two of the text messages reportedly said in context "U wanna watch me play with a baby tomorrow a real one ;)" and "I get a chance once in a while I was just seeing if you would hold the camera." The witness told detectives that she had seen child porn movies on Bour's laptop computer during visits to his home. She also stated that Bour had expressed an interest in "animal love" during prior conversations she had with him. At this point, according to court documents, investigators assumed the identity of the woman and continued chatting with Bour. When investigators asked Bour if the child's mother was aware of his activities with the child, Bour responded that she approved of them and that he had done it before. During a lengthy text message chat, Bour described his lust for children and what he liked to do with them sexually. "Its the best sex I ever had," Bour reportedly stated in another message. FBI agents, who had to be crawling out of their skin at this point, raided Bour's home in Hammond and seized his computer. During a search of his computer, investigators found videos and photographs of adults having sex with pre-pubescent children on the computer's hard drive. The computer also contained "numerous images depicting Bour engaged in various sexual acts with an infant female," according to court documents. Hillard, the child's mother, is also shown in some of the images. During questioning, Bour stated that his text messages were nothing more than fantasy role playing and that he never intended to have sexual contact with a child. When agents confronted him with the photographs they found on his computer, he realized that his ass was in a sling and admitted to paying Hillard for the opportunity to sexually abuse and then exploit her baby daughter. Hillard was booked into jail and charged with "selling her child with the knowledge that she would be portrayed in a visual depiction assisting another person to engage in sexually explicit conduct." Bour was booked into jail and charged with production of child pornography, purchasing a child for the production of child pornography, and possession of child pornography. Both are being held without bond. They just might throw away the key. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Firefox Session Manager Dear Webby I use a Firefox plugin called SessionManager. Once installed, I've configured it to save my session periodically and on shutdown (voluntary or crash) and then prompt me whether to reload my previous (or another) session when I restart FireFox. Regards Frank Thanks, Frank! I will try it out. Save My Tabs works, but is rather klutzy. Unfortunately, just like Save My Tabs, due to a lack of donations, Session Manager is no longer updated, and does not seem to cope too well with some functions, that are nowadays handled by FireFox itself. For example, Adele's problem yesterday was not lost tabs, she manually killed each and every one of them. Her problem was that she had squished down FireFox to icon size in a corner, where she did not expect it or look for it. Closing and re-opening it just re-opened it the same way in that corner. Once she got my message, found it and stretched it back to half screen size, Session Manager probably would have helped her selecting a previous day's session and restore all her tabs. I installed Session Manager and will report on it in a few months. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dress Up Plain Shoes If you have clip on earrings, they are great to dress up plain toed shoes. Just clip them on where you slip your foot into the shoe. You now have a pair of glamorous shoes that would ordinarily be plain. You can get clip on earrings at a lot of garage sales. By chef4u from Sylvania, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been advocating since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From Liz My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small. He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level. He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house. Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress. The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her. Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?"
» St Patrick


Today, March 18, in 
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and 
  proclaims Caligula emperor.
1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England.
1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome.
1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of 
  the Mississippi River.
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers.
1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight.
1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for 
  government service.
1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. 
  The work was in Pennsylvania.
1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express.
1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone.
1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered.
1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first 
  concession to access Baghdad by rail.
1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders.
1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona.
1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at 
  Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the 
  Germans lost 20,000.
1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, 
  Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning.
1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga.
1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. 
Over 1,000 people were killed.
1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver.
1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a 
  gas explosion at a school in New London, TX.
1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties 
  on its soil.
1938 New York first required serological blood tests of 
  pregnant women.
1940 The soap opera "Light of the World" was first heard on NBC radio.
1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the 
  Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's 
  war against France and Britain during the meeting.
1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of 
World War II.
1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus.
1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia.
1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border World War II.
1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin.
1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China 
  and capture Communist held Sungmen.
1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were 
  fitted for a cataract patient.
1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first 
  motion picture studio to be owned by an individual:Howard Hughes.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision 
  concerning legal council for defendants.
1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk 
  when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around 
  the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes.
1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1.
1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve.
1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the 
  ‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia.
1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers 
  out of Laos.
1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their 
  five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan.
1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam 
  to Hanoi.
1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq.
1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. 
  The next day she was deported.
1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50.
1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons 
  tested in Texas in 1966.
1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew 
  to Sarah Ferguson.
1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops
1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany.
1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion.
1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that 
  would give legal equality to blacks.
1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy.
2013  smiled


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FireFox disappeared after power failure. How do I get FireFox back? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 17.
Happy St Patricks Day
Stay off the roads today, if you can!
A lot of people think St patrick's Day is a legitimate
excuse for getting plastered.

Sorry about the newsletter being late. We had a 
whole bunch of power failures, and of course the net
did not work.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge
>From Phil Friday, we had a tornado drill. We're underneath a parking garage and there's a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows." Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!"
Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water, and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?!?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. MY maid said hot water."
Thanks to dad for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Early Easter Cactus 2013 Still snow outside

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misty VanHorn, 22, Sallisaw, Oklahoma Jailed After She Tried To Sell Two Children Misty VanHorn, a 22-year-old Oklahoma woman, was jailed after she allegedly tried to sell her two children to a woman on Facebook in an attempt to raise money for her boyfriend's bail. According to Sallisaw Police, an investigation was launched after a Fort Smith woman called the Oklahoma Department of Human Services and reported that a woman had contacted her over Facebook and was attempting to sell her two children. Investigators say VanHorn offered to sell her 2-year-old child for $1,000 and her 10-month old child for $4,000. Oklahoma DHS officials turned the case over to Sallisaw Police, who located VanHorn and took her into custody without incident. When officers asked VanHorn why she was trying to sell her children, she stated that she needed money to bail her boyfriend out of jail. Witnesses who lived in VanHorn's neighborhood stated that she had been knocking on her neighbors' doors in an attempt to raise cash for his bail. "She was going door to door, here to all the way across town asking everybody for money to get him out," said Tony Mosby, who lives in VanHorn's neighborhood. VanHorn was booked into the Sequoyah County Jail and charged with child trafficking. She remains held in lieu of $40,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Adele Re: Firefox disappeared after power failure Dear Webby The power failures tonight, I am sure you were affected too, ate my FireFox! I know I probably had too many tabs of sites, that I was planning to check out later, when I get some time, but I am sure there were fewer than 100. You are probably laughing your fool head off, but that's the way I operate. Anyway, after those erratic power failures FireFox has become invisible. The AccuRadio.com Internet radio still works, at full volume, and hovering over the FF icon in the task bar shows ll the open tabs. When I could not get anywhere, I loboriously closed all of them, to start a totally fresh FF, still no luck. How do I get my FF back? Adele Dear Adele Yes, I had the same power failures too. You might have had a spastic reaction to the power failures, thrown the mouse, or maybe the power failures did it, and shrunk your FF to the size of your huge icons and left it in a corner. Have a close look at all the icons on your desktop. Most likely one of them is not an icon, but your FireFox shrunk down to the size of a thumbnail. Gently grab one of it's sides, and drag it back to the size you like. Then find the "Save My Tabs" data file, find one from before the power failure, import it into Excel, hit F2 and ENTER on each line to make it clickable, and then re-open all the tabs, that you are stil interested in. We just had another one of those power failures. Power is back on, the net isn't yet. I sure hope it comes back on before daylight, so that I can send the nesletters out! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chives for Quick and Easy Flowers for the Table Picture graduation time and a house of boys. No fancy table decorations. Just the cake and then a quick run out to the herb garden to pick a bouquet of flowering chives. Beautiful purple blossoms on green stems. By Grandma J Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Sarah would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting. "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Ralph elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?" "I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man. "In that case," said Ralph, "take my hand!" The man immediately grasped Ralph's hand and was hauled to safety and a lengthy accident related delay was safely avoided. Ralph turned to the amazed by-standers. "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools."
» St Patrick


Today, March 17, in 
0461 - Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. 
Ireland celebrates this day in his honor.
1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City 
  for the first time. The event took place at the 
  Crown and Thistle Tavern.
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during 
  the Revolutionary War.
1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the 
  first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider 
  flight in the United States.
1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of
   Gibraltar.
1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military 
  from 460,000 to 1,700,000.
1930 Al Capone was released from jail.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna 
  back to the stone age.
1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley
  announced that they had created a new radioactive element.
  They named it "californium". It is also known as 
  Element 98.
1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S.
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) 
  fled Tibet and went to India.
1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos.
1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam.
1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the
   Mediterranean off of Spain.
1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of 
  facts in the My Lai massacre case.
1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in
  order to achieve desegregation.
1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released 
  from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam.
1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with 
  Canada on acid rain.
1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm 
  that brought power outages over large regions of Canada.
1992 White South Africans approved constitutional 
  reforms to give legal equality to blacks.
1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had 
  medical benefits for people suffering from cancer 
  and AIDS.
2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the 
  cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the 
  Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, 
  officials set the number of deaths linked to the cult 
  at more than 900 after authorities subsequently found 
  mass graves at various sites linked to the cult.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications
   downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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Make windows 7 show file name extensions 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 16.

How do they make the white or black smoke in the papal
election?

White smoke is from the ballot papers and some socks.
Black smoke is from the ballots and some sneakers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. --- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Well, okay." Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets. "Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Well, okay." Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "What am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."
Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Thanks to Jim for this story. The season is a bit off, but by summer I would likely forget it. An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten. So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable. The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a very live rattlesnake. Inside the box also were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dale Arave, Drunk driver goes into Home Depot rampage RIVERDALE, Utah — A drunk driver who smashed his truck into sheds, a swing set and light post in a Home Depot parking lot is facing multiple charges. KSL-TV reports that Riverdale police arrested 38-year-old Dale Arave on Wednesday. Part of Arave’s rampage was videotaped by a shopper and later used as evidence by police. Riverdale Police Lt. James Ebert says Arave refused to get out of his truck after the vehicle hit a curb and became high centered. Arave is facing multiple charges, including criminal mischief. Police found two handguns and three rifles in this truck. All were loaded. None were used when he resisted exiting the truck. Possibly he was just too drunk to jump out of the truck as quickly as police expected. Arave says he drank large amounts of whiskey. His family members say he is going through personal problems and is despondent. The damage to the store is estimate to be $20,000. Tech Support Pits From: Inga Re: Extensions hidden in W7 Dear Webby I am used to seeing the file extensions in the Windows File Explorer. How is that accomplished in Blonde Windoze? Thanks Inga Dear Inga Open the File Explorer Click on Tools Folder Options View and in there take off the checkmarks from Hide Extensions for nown file types. Then tell it to apply it to all folders. Keep in mind, though, Internet shortcuts are stored like files, but withut an extension. DUH! If you got things set correctly, and still don't see an extension, then it is either an Internet shortcut, or a file without an extension. While you are in there, sort by file type. If you see a bunch of zip files in your email Attachment directory, dump them. They are mal ware. Only scammers and hackers send zip files by email. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Surprise Guests With Flowers in the Bathroom Having a party? Give your guests something more to talk about than the food and who did not show up. Surprise them with a bathtub full of lilacs. They're fun and inexpensive. They are in bloom just in time for graduation. It will be a party to remember, I promise. By Joanne from Fond du Lac, WI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

Thanks to Big Frank for this Classic: A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS YOUNG AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days. Big Frank
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school when a situation like this arose -- repeat your last point. Often this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try. "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing. He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row. The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apolo- gize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man. It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you. After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"
» Calvin Nichools Paper Cut-Ups


Today, March 16, in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England.
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
  Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives.
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
  later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
  tribe in Maine who spoke English. He greeted the Pilgrims 
  by saying, "Welcome, Englishmen! My name is Samoset."
1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law.
1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was 
  completed at Glasgow.
1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru.
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks 
  after the inauguration of Gomez.
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
  liquid-fuel rocket.
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated 
  the Versailles Treaty.
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia.
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. 
  However, small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed.
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv.
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine.
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
  mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
  My-Lai massacre.
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit 
  for human consumption.
1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy 
  to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on 
  her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. 
  She was also banned from amateur figure skating.
1994 Russia agreed to slowly phase out production of 
  weapons-grade plutonium.
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 
  125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
  announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
  and financial mismanagement.
2013  smiled


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Limit printing to one page 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 15.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



I found it hilarious how various wanna-be authorities
are predicting what the new pope is going to do.
They are all wrong.
Sure, he is originally an Italian, became a Jesuit, an
intellectual storm trooper, in germany, and became
very close to the Franciscan order and a bishop and 
cardinal in South America.
However, he retired from all that, because he felt he was
too old.

What does all that sum up to?
As a former Italian he is not about to raise much of a fuss
about Mafia investments in the Vatican bank. 
His youthful Jesuit passion for modernisation has mellowed
a long time ago and changed to Franciscan conservatism, 
probably when he realized that fighting the inner circle of
old cardinals in Rome leads to nowhere.

He almost got elected last time, because he is so obedient
to the inner circle. He just helps the poor, and stays out
of hotheaded discussions about modern topics like condoms.
He lets others incur the wrath and the vetoes of the inner
circle. Even benedict didn't get anywhere trying to use logic.
He was told that the pope is the spokesman for the cabinet, 
the back office, not the dictator. 

That seems to be fine for Francis I.
I don't expect any fundamental changes while he is pope,
but I would be VERY surprised, if the long neglected 
Franciscans and Grey Clares didn't get their funding 
updated.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. --- John Andrew Holmes The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. --- Doug Larson
A very elderly but bright-eyed gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of after shave, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady tricked out in a modest but very becoming cocktail dress. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you." The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wendy Tucker, 56, Barnegat, NJ Jailed after flashing security cameras -- Police in New Jersey said they arrested a woman accused of flashing her breasts to security cameras being monitored by dispatchers. Barnegat police said dispatchers saw Wendy Tucker, 56, "get out of a car in the middle of Lexington Boulevard, pull up her shirt and bra, exposing her breasts while facing several security cameras" around 2 a.m. Wednesday, the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press reported Tuesday. Lt. Keith Germain said the video footage also depicts Tucker "looking up at the cameras while extending her middle fingers to the cameras." Patrolman Michael Diblasi located Tucker's car and took her into custody. Police said she was wanted on an outstanding warrant from Atlantic County and was charged with an additional count of lewdness. Because of her relation to some higher-ups, they declined to provide a mug shot. "The Raw Story" provided this picture, which seems to be from a few years ago. Tech Support Pits From: Sammie Re: Limit printing to a page Dear Webby Your trick with listing the files in a folder works great! My problem is that when I print it, it usually leaks a few lines over onto a second page. How can I stop that without deleting any lines? Thanks Sammie Dear Sammie In the spreadsheet or word processor, hit CTRL A to select All, or highlight everything except for the headlines, then change the font to a smaller font family, like for example Calibri or Tunga, and maybe reduce the point size. Then make sure there are no fragments like calculations, shopping lists or phone numbers further down. If there are, and you want to keep them, highlight just what you want to print, then click on Print PreView. Most likely it will now fit onto one page quite nicely. When you print, make sure you select Selection Only Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing a Slow Tub Drain For slow drains in old houses, pour a bottle of bleach down the tub drain once a month in the evening (every 5 weeks for the bathroom sink). In the morning, heat up a tea kettle and pour one gallon of water down the drain. Aim for the drain (or use a funnel), so as not to crack porcelain. This works only on slow drains. Source: Frugal Village By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

This one is attributed to melvin Durai, but probably has been edited over the years. I've been watching the reports from China, the ones about the gender imbalance and all those young men having trouble finding brides, and I can't help wondering what their parents and others were thinking when they chose, through abortion and abandonment, to avoid having female children. Perhaps they thought they could provide other options to their sons. Son: "My dear parents, I am ready to get married. Please help me find a bride." Mother: "You are ready to get married already? But my son, you are only 50. Can't you wait a few more years?" Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. If you wait a few more years, there will be more brides available. The government is opening special laboratories to create more females. It is a process called cloning." Son: "But they are cloning sheep. I do not want to marry a sheep." Mother: "Son, you are 50. You cannot be too choosy." Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. You should look at the positive side: A sheep has plenty of wool. It will keep you warm at night." Son: "No, I can't do it. I can't settle for anything but a human." Father: "You have high standards, son. But we expected this. That is why we've made arrangements to introduce you to someone special." Son: "Someone special? Is this really true, Father?" Father: "Yes, it's true, son. We will introduce you to a special inspector named Ying-Ming. He is looking for a companion too." Son: "Did you say 'he'? I hope you meant to say 'she'!" Father: "He, she, what's the difference? Together, you will still be 'we.' Ying-Ming is very rich, son. While most Chinese men have been busy searching for brides, he has been busy searching for bribes." Son: "But I do not want a 'he'! I am straight!" Mother: "Opposites attract, my son. You are straight and he is crooked. You will be happy together." Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. You should look at the positive side: Ying-Ming has plenty of wool blankets. He will keep you warm at night. What do you say, son?" Son: "How soon will the cloning take place?" Father: "Ah, that's better, son. I knew you would come around. It's important to be open-minded. There are only a few brides and their demands are impossibly high: they want a man who is not just rich and handsome, but who also stops his car to ask for directions." Mother: "In all my years, I have never met such a man." Son: "Not on this planet. But how did this happen, this terrible shortage of women?" Father: "I blame it on the government. They created the one-child policy to control the population. They knew we would turn it into the one-boy policy, which would really control the population. Don't blame us: all we wanted was one boy." Son: "Don't blame me: All I want is one girl. Is it an impossible dream?" Father: "Well, there are two other options. You can find another man, put your savings together, and pay for a sex change operation. Ying-Ming does not want to do it. We already asked. But he is willing to wear a dress on weekends. He will even shave his mustache -- if you insist." Son: "Ying-Ming is a ding-a-ling. What's the other option?" Father: "You can go to America." Son: "America? Are there many brides there?" Father: "Well, once you are settled in America, you can do what many American men do: get yourself a mail-order bride from Russia or the Philippines."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The God of thunder rode forth one day Upon his fearsome filly "I'M THOR!!" he cried His horse replied "You forgot your thaddle, thilly !"
» NASA: Asteroids & Comets:


Today, March 15, in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high 
ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March."
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first 
  New World voyage.
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting machine.
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. 
  It was the first escalator.
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled 
  Port Arthur in Korea.
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
  General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
  Pancho Villa. The mission failed.
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage.
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and the German speaking
  part of Czechoslovakia.
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing.
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years after 
  the end of World War II.
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops 
  for the fight in Vietnam.
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry.
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile.
1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve.
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for spying.
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of 
  independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force 
  in the Baltic republic.
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear testing
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed.
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press 
  that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear 
  arms against states that don't have them.
2013  smiled


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Directory listing to edible file 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 14

Thank you, William!


Feds buy 100 years worth of ammo for Homeland Security!
Next, they are going to buy guns, that require different
ammo. 

Nothing to worry about. Nobody is going to shoot at you.
It's just routine commission based kick-backs, 
pork-barreling and job creation. 
That's how Government works.

Rumors have it, that they are going to sell the obsolete 
guns to Mexico, in order to put the gun shops in Arizona
and Texas out of business, and they are apparently planning
to sell all the no longer matching ammo to some Arabic 
speaking guy, so that the local gun nuts can't buy it at 
Army Surplus and have fun at the gravel pit.

Nothing personal, that's just how the Government works.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. --- James Feibleman Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. --- Peter Borden
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," a boy said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. Why do you want a little brother"? "Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on my dog."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Two guys had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost nineteen years. If I took it down, I would go out of business."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul, 62 and Wendy, 56, Marshallsea, in Merthyr Tydfil, South Wales, Britain Fired for shark wrestling while on paid sick leave Reported by Sun Metro Holidaying for two months in Australia, while on paid sick leave, did not go over well. It was not reported whether the very young shark was trying to play with the kids or had inadvertently gotten washed up too high on the shore and was lost. Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: Directory listing to editable file Dear Webby I forgot how to get to DOS, so that I can send an editable directory listing to a file. I know you told us a few times, but now I got Windoze7 and that is more blonde than my pretty wife. Thanks Ed Dear Ed You can send your wife over here. To open DOS, use the File Explorer Right-Click START Windos File Explorer browse to the folder, that you are interested in. Hold CTRL SHIFT and RIGHT-click Select: Open Command Window Here Yes, I know it is a silly rigamarole, but Microsoft figures that is good for you. Once you have the DOS Window open, type dir /? That will show you all the different options for the DIR command. Most likely you will want the Bare format, sorted by extensions. That would be dir /b /o:e Or with all the info, sorted by size: dir /o:s You will be amazed at the speed! OK, now to send that to a file named somedir.txt in the root directory: dir /o:s > c:\somedir.txt Naturally, you can send it to any file of your choosing. It will seem that nothing happened when you hit Enter with that on the command line. That is because DOS is so fast. Don't worry, the listing will be in that file! Then open Quattro or Calc or Excel and open that file. It will ask you if you want it sorted into columns, etc. Yes, yes, yes. Once it has imported it, it will still be sorted like you had specified, but neatly shuffled into columns. Now you can delete entrie columns and format it all quite neatly for printing. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Foam Bath Mats for Leather Car Seats I found our leather seats so cold during the winter, and when I wore shorts or a dress in the summer, I stuck to the seat. Ouch! You can buy seat covers, but they are quite a pain to put on and take off. I came up with an inexpensive, very comfy solution, memory foam bath mats. You can get them at most department or bath stores in various colours and sizes, but I got this one at Walmart. By Ann from Goulais River, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?" "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where we're going when I'm driving."
» The Food Chain


Today, March 14, in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
  to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad 
  on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty.
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin.
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in 
  East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza.
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
  bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
  telephone links across the Channel.
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the 
  ratification of the Gold Standard Act.
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered 
  Mendel's laws of heredity.
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would 
  have relaxed restrictions on polygamy.
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
  after their war.
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
  with Germany in naval strength.
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
  to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a 
  car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes.
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
  off the Chilean coast.
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
  committed suicide.
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only 
 judge is God and itself.
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. 
  Slovakia declared its independence.
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by 
  the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Bielefeld railway 
  viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II.
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines.
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R.
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the 
  Korean War.
1954 The Viet Minh launched an assault on Dien Bien Phu in Saigon.
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista 
  government of Cuba.
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and 
  Cooperation with the Soviet Union.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon.
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
  after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
  54 Pakistani prisoners.
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
  President George H.W. Bush.
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for 
  an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root 
  out Islamic militants.
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran.
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
  Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2013  smiled


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