Does Diskeeper still work? No. 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 30

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Three charged after Freeport home invasion
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 29 in
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. --- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965) Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. --- Kurt Herbert Alder ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tony went to the doctor and told him that he couldn't hear himself fart. So the doctor gave Tony some pills. Tony asked him, "Will these make me hear better?" Doc replied, "No, but they will make you fart louder." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Bill Jr I think my Grandson best summed up my feelings about abstract art. We were looking at a painting with a wild mish-mash of colors and he asked, "What's that?" I said, "It's supposed to be a cowboy on his horse." "Well," he continued, "Why isn't it? If he's not good enough that you can reckonize it wifout reading the label, then he should practise at home and not hang it up here!" ______________________________________________________ From my dad. He is getting crowded out of his breakfast nook. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Muhammad Abdul-Haq, 18, Harun Abdul-Haq, 19, Zaakir Abdul-Haq, 23, Freeport, Illinois Three charged after Freeport home invasion Three men arrested on several charges stemming from a Sunday morning home invasion, Freeport Deputy Chief Matt Summers said. Harun Abdul-Haq, 19, of the 900 block of East Shawnee Street, and Muhammad Abdul-Haq, 18, of the 1300 block of West Elm Street, were charged with armed robbery, aggravated battery, residential burglary, conspiracy to commit a home invasion and theft under $500. Their bonds were set at $100,000 each. Summers said the two, who police believe to be brothers, knocked at the door of a home in the 1200 block of South Blackhawk Avenue around 3:45 a.m. They used an undescribed ruse before a resident to let them inside and then they threatened to shoot the victim. They stole about $50 and a cell phone. Summers said the resident told police he knew one of the men was related to a particular family. During the course of their investigation, police also arrested Zaakir Abdul-Haq, 23, of the 1400 block of West Beach Street on a charge of aggravated unlawful use of a weapon and two alleged firearm owner’s identification card violations. His bond was set at $40,000. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: FranticFran Re: Diskeeper Dear Webby You used to promote Diskeeper as the best defrag program. But I have not seen your links to it for some time. Did they not keep up with the times? FranticFran Dear FranticFran That is exactly what happened. First they had issues with high resolution monitors, then when they got that almost fixed by using a huge, klutzy font, then they fell down on USB connected external drives. If you have USB connected external drives, then Diskeeper is a total waste of installation time. Nowadays, when almost everybody has a big external drive attached, you simply need a better program than Diskeeper. There are many available, and experts fight lengthy religious battles about which one is better. I will ask Moe for his recommendation. He does comparison tests of defrag programs. Look for his report right here later in the week. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Paulie According to a CBS poll, women are much better liars than men. At least that's what THEY say . . . so, how will we ever know?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Soda Can Plant Labels By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] One of my favorite garden crafts is making homemade plant labels from aluminum cans and wire clothes hangers. Not only are they inexpensive and durable, but these labels are actually attractive and fun to make. They are designed to dangle freely on their supports, so when the wind blows their movement makes a gentle clinking noise, turning your tiny reflective plant labels into a collective army of rabbit repellents. Materials: assorted aluminum soda/beer cans wire clothes hangers gloves (to protect hands when cutting cans) old steak knife scissors needle-nose pliers paper punch ball-point pen embellishment tools used (from Michaels craft store): scrapbooking scissors (Fiskars) 3 in 1 corner punch (Fiskars) flower-shaped decorative brads (Provo Craft) Directions: Put on your gloves. Use the tip of your scissors to punch a small hole on the side of each end of the can. If your scissors isn't sharp enough, use a steak knife or screwdriver to get the hole started. Using your scissors, cut off the top and bottom of the can and discard the ends in your recycling bin. If you need to, trim off any excess sharp edges from the remaining piece of aluminum and finesse it a bit until it lays pretty flat. Cut individual labels from the remaining piece of aluminum according to the desired size. The shape and style of your labels is highly personal. Cut them into circles, triangles, rectangles, even flowers. To add some decorative flair, use fancy corner punches or try trimming the edges with scrapbooking scissors. I add color-coded brads to my labels (I found some in the shape of flowers). This helps me organize my plantings and remember what color flower is coming up where. You're only limited by your imagination so have fun with it! Just don't forget to leave room to punch a hole for hanging and space to write down the name of the plant. To write names of plants on your labels, lay them on top of a notebook or thick stack of newspaper and press down hard with a ball point pen. Make sure to press hard enough so that when the ink wears off, the name stays imprinted in the metal. Create a hole for hanging using a paper punch (or a hammer and nail). Finally, use a wire cutter or tin snips to cut 7-8 inch long support pieces from wire coat hangers. Make an "S" hook at one end using a needle-nose pliers, hang the label on the hook, and pinch the "S" shut to keep it from falling off. Voila! You've got durable, inexpensive plant labels!
guilty dogs
____________________________________________________ Little had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing 's sweet tooth the mother looked straight into 's eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake!" "No," replied , "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking." ___________________________________________________
She's super talented.....but this is just weird.
A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. "Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the kids into their coats, and I'll go honk the horn."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 30
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 

0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern Roman empire
under his own rule. 

1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million
dollars. 

1527 Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the treaty
of Westminster. 

1725 Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance. 

1789 George Washington took office as first elected U.S.
president. 

1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France
for $15 million. 

1812 Louisiana admitted as the 18th U.S. state. 

1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe
Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 

1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work
would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail
over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 

1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway
train "Cannonball Express." 

1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with
France and Great Britain. 

1938 Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare
Hunt." This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 

1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights
was put into service. The train car was known as the
"General Pershing Zephyr." 

1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who
never was,' a dead man the British planted with false
invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of
Spain. 

1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had
been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered
unconditionally. 

1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to
Hoover Dam. 

1948 The Organization of American States (OAS) held its
first meeting in Bogota, Colombia. The institution's goal
was to facilitate better relations between the member
nations and to help prevent the spread of communism in the
Western Hemisphere. 

1952 Mr. Potato Head became the first toy to be advertised
on network television. 

1953 The British West Indian colonies agreed on the
formation of the British Caribbean Federation that would
eventually become a self-governing unit in the British
Commonwealth. 

1964 The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped
to receive both VHF and UHF channels. 

1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in
the village of Dai Do. 

1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North
Vietnamese Army base areas. The announcement by U.S.
President Nixon led to widespread protests. 

1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.


1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the
Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines
lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to
evacuate. 

1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific
agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that
would make it easier for American companies to operate in
China. 

1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone
that hit Bangladesh. 

1993 CERN put the World Wide Web software in the public
domain. 

1993 Monica Seles was stabbed in the back during a tennis
match in Hamburg, Germany. The man called himself a fan of
second-ranked Steffi Graf. He was convicted of causing
grievous bodily harm and received a suspended sentence. 

1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the
Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted the
following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 

1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that
would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 

1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor
$2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on
ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 

2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly
approved for another five years as president.

2012 One World Trade Center became the tallest structure in
New York when it surpassed the height of the Empire State
Building. 

2015 NASA's Messenger spacecraft crashed into the surface of
Mercury. The space probe sent back more than 270,000
pictures to earth.

2017  smiled.


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Minimum distance for close-ups 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 29

Pretty snow this morning again.
Here is a pictuer of my Saskatoon berry bushes, not white
with flowers like during the warm period, but white with
snow.

Click through for large size.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teacher, 28, and husband face jail after she had 
sex with student after her hubby plied teen with 
booze and watched them having sex.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 29 in
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los
Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54
people were killed in 3 days. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. --- Larry Gelbart It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Myrna I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" So she walked over and stood on his foot. He tried to step back and promptly fell over. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Diana for this story: At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker." "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver." SILENCE.................... "Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this one: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jessica Storer, 28, Derrick Storer, 33 Pandora-Gilboa, ohio Teacher, 28, and husband face jail after she had sex with student after her hubby plied teen with booze and watched them having sex. Jessica Storer, 28, bedded one of her pupils after hubby Derrick, 33, plied him with alcohol, a court heart. The romp occurred the morning after the pair invited the 18- year-old and other youngsters to their house. "Mrs. Storer engaged in sexual intercourse with the student while he was still under the influence of alcohol." prosecutor Lilly Shun said. Storer told the hearing the lad was not drunk. But Ms Shun said he had admitted being under the influence. Judge Randall Basinger asked Storer what happened. "I was engaged in sexual conduct with an 18-year-old student," she said. The blonde mum met him while a substitute teacher at Pandora-Gilboa High School, Ohio, USA. She could be jailed for up to five years after pleading guilty to sexual battery last November. Six counts of giving alcohol to a minor were dismissed in a plea deal at Putnam County Court. But she will have to register as a sex offender for life. She will be sentenced after the judge gets a background report on her. Her husband admitted three charges of giving booze to a minor and faces up to six months on each count when sentenced on May 16. Police Chief Scott Stant arrested Storer last December 21 after a tip off. The student told him he was at the teacher’s Pandora home on the evening of November 25 and spent the night there after drinking alcohol. He had intercourse with her the next morning – and she admitted it when quizzed by Stant on December 13, said court records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John Re: Close-ups limits Dear Webby Regarding your explanation of fuzzy close-ups...Also note... every lens has a minimum focal distance. If you are closer than that minimum (usually the center of the frame) it will be blurry. Regards, John Dear John Right. Nowadays that minimum limit is 8 to 12 inches. It is always better to give it some extra distance, at maximum resolution, and crop the picture later, on the computer. Providing some extra light also helps a lot. Avoid dead-on flash, so that you dont get a flat looing picture and deer-in-the-headlights stare. Have you ever seen clip-art depicting photographers in the 1800s and early 1900's, holding up a flash pan. Here is one: Hold the flash, a slave flash preferably, up and to the side like that photogrpher does, to get perfect contrast. Slave Flash units are cheap. I have seen them for $12. For indoor or group photography in low light conditions a slave flash is an excellent tool. In the old days, before electricity, they produced the flash by igniting a mixture of gun powder and magnesium in a metal dust-pan. The biggest magnesium flash ever set off was for taking a picture in a stadium. It was rather smoky in there after that! Check Amazon for a battery powered slave flash suitable for your camera. It won't smoke, but make a huge difference with group or close up pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
And the world's Number One Thinnest Book MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson That caused somebody named Jessie and two other people to unsubscribe, and somebody named Hilary gave gift subscriptions to seventeen people.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Refrigerator Baking Soda By Bella Blue [47 Posts, 5 Comments] No need to throw away that box of baking soda from your refrigerator when it is time to replace it. While it is not good for cooking, there are a lot of ways to use it up. I also use the baking soda in my bathwater. It's known to really pull out toxins in your body when paired with Epsom salts and a few drops of lavender essential oil. I use 1/2 to 1 cup of both Epsom salt and baking soda. If you don't believe me try it yourself. The color of the bath water shows you just how much it pulls out of you, it's relaxing too! It also helps clean off residue left by other cleaners and soaps. A tablespoon or two tossed right in the clothes washer can help with extra smelly laundry. Especially men's gym socks and pet beds, it really gets the smell out and whitens whites, but doesn't hurt darks. It can also be used to de-funk a washing machine or dishwasher. A couple tablespoons is all you need for that. I have used it to help remove bird poop from perches and cages. It is safe to use around them, which isn't true of most cleaners. Baking soda also works great for cleaning walls and grout as well. So now once the baking soda is done keeping my refrigerator smelling fresh I use it for cleaning, bathing, and I even use some sprinkled in the garbage cans to absorb smells too.
Skylight
____________________________________________________ >From Arvid Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So, I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left the house, I overheard my daughter saying, "There goes dad again, making fountains out of mole hills." ___________________________________________________
She's super talented.....but this is just weird.
The butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one. We have some guests coming over." "OK" says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one's too skinny. What else have you got?" the man asks. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes, then brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 29
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli. 

1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over
Britain. 

1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan. 

1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands. 

1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel. 

1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus was
published. 

1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. 

1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont. 

1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War. 

1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for the
first time. 

1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper. 

1916 Irish nationalists surrendered to British authorities
in Dublin. 

1918 Germany's Western Front offensive ended in World War I.


1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba. 

1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed
for Lindbergh. 

1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally to
the Allies. 

1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were
married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his
successor. 

1945 The Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated. 

1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted in
Tokyo as war criminals. 

1952 IBM President Thomas J. Watson, Jr., informed his
company's stockholders that IBM was building "the most
advanced, most flexible high-speed computer in the world."
The computer was unveiled April 7, 1953, as the IBM 701
Electronic Data Processing Machine. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing edited
transcripts of secretly made White House tape recordings
related to the Watergate scandal. 

1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North
Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 

1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went
online after a long delay due to protests. 

1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 

1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his
Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a
former Exxon security official. Reso died while in
captivity. 

1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los
Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54
people were killed in 3 days. 

1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which
granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, control
trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the Gaza Strip
and Jericho. 

1997 Staff Sgt. Delmar Simpson, a drill instructor at
Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland, was convicted of raping
six female trainees. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison
and was dishonorably discharged. 

1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev
went on the first U.S.-Russian space walk. 

1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion
in NAFTA trade. 

1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of
Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado. 

2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO
headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia.
Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 

2017  smiled.


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Partially Fuzzy Close-ups 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Right now it is snowing again. 
It will probably all melt by May.
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen admits to killing her grandparents and sealing 
up their room – then inviting friends over for a party
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 28 in
1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic" was published.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot (1819 - 1880) Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill for this story: came home from the bar one night quite inebreated and wanted to sneak in so his spouse wouldn't know. Unfortunately the mickey in 's back pocket broke as tried to sneak up the stairs and fell backwards. Some of the glass cut 's rear end. grabbed the box of bandaids and attempted to cover the cuts. The next morning 's spouse Remarked: "You were pretty drunk when you came home last night." How did you know ?" replied. Well she said "Your shoes were sitting on the porch and there was broken glass at the bottom of the stairs and a smelly booze stain on the carpet but the clincher was the 15 bandaids stuck on the hall mirror." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dave's collection of The World's Thinnest Books FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno and Nancy Pelosi MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Dan Marino THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman MY WILD YEARS by Al Gore AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS DETROIT: a Travel Guide A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson And the world's Number One Thinnest Book MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson ______________________________________________________ Ready for spring. Yes, it is snowing right now. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cassie Bjorge, 17, Johnny Rider, 18 Gwinnett County, Georgia Teen admits to killing her grandparents and sealing up their room – then inviting friends over for a party A Georgia teen who allegedly confessed to killing her grandparents with her boyfriend, sealing up their room and then hosting a party for unsuspecting friends, also planned to kill several other people WSB-TV reports. According to WSB-TV, Cassie Bjorge, 17, and her boyfriend, Johnny Rider, 18, planned the murders of her grandparents for days and thought out details such as caulking the doors shut in the house to keep the odor of death from being detected outside. Gwinnett County Police Detective Dave Brucz told WSB-TV the teens waited outside Bjorges grandparents home for the lights to go out, then snuck into the couple's bedrooms. "Johnny began to attack the grandfather, Cassie then said she had a surge of energy," Brucz said in court Wednesday. "She then dragged her grandmother into her grandfather's bedroom, she was duct taped." Investigators say the teens then beat the grandparents, Randall and Wendy Bjorge, before slicing their throats and leaving them for dead. According to the report, Cassie Bjorge confessed to staying in the home and smoking pot for a few days after the murders. She even invited friends over for a party — friends who had no idea what had happened. Police say Bjorge confessed that she went as far as pretending to be her grandmother via text message so family wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. "She admitted after the murder she was texting family members because they were worried about them, and she was pretending to be Wendy," Brucz told the courtroom. WSB-TV reports the teens are not only accused of killing, Bjorge's grandparents, but they are also of trying to kill Rider's sister and boyfriend. "She also said they were planning on killing Johnny's family and there were plans on killing her mother also," Brucz also told the courtroom. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Pat Re: Fuzzy close-ups Dear Webby When I take close-ups with my digital camera, the center always seems to be fuzzy. Distance shots are clear, so it's not a greasy fingerprint on the lens. It's a very small lens and recessed anyway. What could cause that? Thanks Pat Dear Pat Especially with small lenses the aperture has to open up wide if the lighting is low. That causes the area of sharpness to shrink to a thin layer. If you can add extra light, that will thicken the layer of sharpness. When you can't add light, go farther away. Use the highest resolution you got, and then later crop the picture to get your close-up. When you are really close, the layer that is in focus is maybe half an inch thick. That might be the tips of a flower, and the inner parts of a deep blossom might be fuzzy. From a few feet away, the layer of sharpness would be 5-6 inches and plenty to show the entire flower nice and sharp. Close-up lenses and microscopes are no help at all. They make that effect even worse. Using the flash often helps. The camera pre-calculates the effect of the flash and squints down the aperture. On a close-up most of the flash will shoot right by it and what light from it, that hits the object, will be at a good angle and improve contrast. If you plan to take a lot of close up pictures, select a camera with a large lens to capture as much light as possible, so that it will narrow down the aperture. Shoot the picture at the cameras highest resolution, and then crop it down to 1024 x 768, which is probably the largest size picture that you would use on a web page. Have FUN! DearWebby
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Saving Tip #4 When you are waiting for hot water to warm up put a watering can under the faucet. Once full use it for gardening. Place a bucket in your shower to catch water that is wasted while you wait for it to warm up. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com
Skylight
____________________________________________________ I've noticed the oddest behavior in most women. The only time they won't look in a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space. ___________________________________________________
She's super talented.....but this is just weird.
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could manage our house over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 28
0357 Constantius II visited Rome for the first time. 

1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule
in Sicily. 

1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia
Mathamatic" was published. 

1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a
rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island.
The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift. 

1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval
disarmament on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain. 

1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan. 

1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic. 

1910 First night flight was performed by Claude Grahame-
White in England. 

1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air
conditioner. 

1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland. 

1919 The League of Nations was founded. 

1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR. 

1923 The British Empire Exhibition Stadium (or Empire
Stadium) opened to the public. 

1930 The first organized night baseball game was played in
Independence, Kansas. 

1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced. 

1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed
on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created
by Douglas Leight. 

1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were
executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee the
country. 

1946 The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes. 

1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others
set out in a balsa wood raft known as Kon Tiki to prove that
Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The trip
began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing of
the Pacific Ocean. 

1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a
treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into
effect. 

1953 French troops evacuated northern Laos. 

1962 In the Sahara Desert of Algeria, a team led by Red
Adair used explosives to put out the well fire known as the
Devil's Cigarette Lighter. The fire was caused by a pipe
rupture on November 6, 1961. 

1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican
Republic to evacuate Americans. 

1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and
was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds for
chickening out. 

1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed near
St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall. 

1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the
fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight. 

1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South
Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly. 

1994 Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S.
secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to
espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in
prison without parole. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped
testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his
former Whitewater business partners. 

1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect.
Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did
not sign. 

1999 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected (on a tie
vote of 213-213) a measure expressing support for NATO's
five-week-old air campaign in Yugoslavia. The House also
voted to limit the president's authority to use ground
forces in Yugoslavia. 

2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the
first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California
businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination
was the international space station. 

2008 India set a world record when it sent 10 satellites
into orbit from a single launch. 

2017  smiled.


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Frog Jigging injury 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter! Subscribe
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, April 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support 
for the troops! 

OK, two guys figured out what category they fall in.

It is snowing again, but only a couple of inches so far.
Lawn mower is ready, the grass is not.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a four- some of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but my broken thumb still hurts like hell!" _____________________________________________________ 2 Yesterday I was discussing computers with an acquaintance while waiting in line at the store check-out counter and she told me that she had a new high tech mouse with "no balls!" I have been using an optical mouse for about 20 years, but I couldn't resist a straight line like that. That led me to ask "A mouse with no balls!!!! How does it reproduce?" To which she replied, "Cybersex of course!" _____________________________________________________ 3 A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "It sure is!" "Well, I will talk to my husband about this tonight !" That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." ____________________________________________________ 4 The two female teens were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence. "Aren't you worried about Tommy's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other girl, "He doesn't do all my writing, anyway!" _____________________________________________________ 5 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too...." _____________________________________________________ 6 [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east toward the White River bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his ball off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife Lavinia asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. =====================================================




Spaldings?
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Ophelia Dingbatter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 27

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas man arrested after he drove while intoxicated,
 with infant and teens in car, and crashed into two homes
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 27 in
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed 
by natives in the Philippines. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up." The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he yelled: "@%$# Army! . I'll bet that truck won't be there either!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the stone carver from http://stonecarver.com for these news: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady here died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank: Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections." Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been." Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!" Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" Citibank: "Excuse me?" Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?" Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?" Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given) Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help." Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care." Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?" Citibank: "That might help." Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69." Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Hernandez, 21, Odessa, Texas Texas man arrested after he drove while intoxicated, with infant and teens in car, and crashed into two homes A man was arrested after police say he drove a car while intoxicated with an infant and two teens inside and crashed into two homes. Paul Hernandez, 21, has been charged and arrested for Driving While Intoxicated with a Child Passenger, a State Jail Felony. According to the Odessa Police Department, their officers responded to the 900 block of Munos around midnight Saturday for a call of a major crash. When police arrived on scene they found that a white GMC Sierra had crashed into a home in the 900 block before then driving on and crashing into a second home in the same block, according to OPD. Witnesses at the scene were then able to detain the driver until officers arrived. The driver was identified as Hernandez. It was also learned that three passengers were in the car, including a 15-year- old boy, 14-year-old boy and a five-month-old girl. According to police, officers on scene could smell a strong odor of alcohol coming from Hernandez's breath. He was then placed into custody for driving while intoxicated before being transported to the Ector County Law Enforcement Center. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: A.J. Re: On-Line Conferencing Dear Webby I got an ad about on-line conferencing. Compared to on-location meetings $2879 sounds like quite a big saving. How reliable are those on-line conferences? A.J. Dear A.J. Ask your kids to show you how to use Skype for free, and save those $2879. Or send them to me. (The dollars, not the kids!) The secret to good on-line conferences is the same as for on-location conferences: Prepare, prepare, prepare! Make a special folder for the conference, and put all files, that you possibly might need, into that, so that there won't be any emabarrassing pauses while you hunt them down. If at all possible, upload pictures and douments to a conference site beforehand. That's the equivalent of the printed reference material laid out in a traditional conference or meeting. Ideally, you get everybody to read the reference material beforehand, so that everybody knows what the meeting is about, and you don't have to waste time making speeches, but can skip right to the discussion part. Just like with a traditional meeting it is extremely important that you "dont let democracy break out" and the meeting deteriorate into off-topic gossiping by individual groups or pairs. Remind them that their gossip shows in the log and WILL be printed for all attendants. That usually shuts them up and lets you bring everything back on topic. The success of an on-line conference does not really depend on the brand of software you use, but on how well prepared you are, and on how mean a tyrant you are. Using standard meeting calls and procedures are absolutely necessary, if you don't want the conference to deteriorate into a chaotic party. There are huge benefits to on-line meetings. You can have advisors and helpers surround you and feeding you the right links at the right time, draw up diagrams or contracts, and it will all appear to everybody as if you just had done all the homework. While using video works quite well, we found it to be more of a novel distraction than a conference tool, and have not used it for serious meetings since about 1996. Video is better suited to one-on-one meetings like interviewing job candidates or performance evaluation meetings. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Andy for this joke: A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! Let's have a word with the greens keeper. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Your Houseplants in Water By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] How It Works Hydroculture is another word for hydroponics, a method of growing plants in water containing dissolved nutrients. Many of the foods we eat are produced this way commercially, especially in areas where land for cultivating crops is limited. A simple, scaled-down version of this technique is an ideal way to grow many houseplants. Plants are grown in containers filled with water and liquid fertilizer. The plants take in nutrients from a water solution through their "water" roots. After continuously being submerged in water, they have adapted by developing a greater capacity to store oxygen. Once the hydroculture system has been set up, a float in the reservoir indicates when it's time to add more solution. The Advantages No more guessing how much to feed and water. One of the fastest ways to kill a houseplant is by giving it too much or too little water. Or, not understanding how to properly use fertilizer. With hydroculture, feeding and watering requires little more than topping off water levels. In soil, certain nutrients can remain fixed in the soil as insoluble compounds. In hydroculture, nutrients are evenly available to the root system, so plants tend to be more vigorous. Reduces pests and disease. No soil means no more soil born pests, including those creepy little potting soil gnats. You can also say goodbye to mold spores and mildew-a boon for those who suffer from allergies. Lower maintenance. Hydroculture is cleaner and easier to maintain. By eliminating dirt, you eliminate must odors and messy spills. You'll need to water less often, transplant less often, and worry less about leaving your plants unattended while on vacation.
C-17 Globemaster Flyover
____________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooow, Sandy! Do you come here often?." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister." ___________________________________________________
19 Pictures That Have Absolutely No Good Explanation For Existing.
>From Randy The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 27
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of
Dunbar. 

1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of
Venice. 

1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by
natives in the Philippines. 

1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was
established in Cebu City. 

1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna,
on the shores of Tripoli. 

1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day
Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario. 

1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia
seceded from the Union during the American Civil War. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln issued an order to General
Winfield Scott that authorized him to suspend the writ of
habeas corpus between Philadelphia and Washington at or near
any military line. 

1863 The Army of the Potomac began marching on
Chancellorsville. 

1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 2,300
Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed. 

1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the electrical
hearing aid. 

1897 Grant's Tomb was dedicated. 

1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown. 

1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. She was
the first American woman to become a queen. 

1938 A colored baseball was used for the first time in any
baseball game. The ball was yellow and was used between
Columbia and Fordham Universities in New York City. 

1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria. 

1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the
first commercial ship to be equipped with radar. 

1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which formally
segregated races. 

1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to any
Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet. 

1953 Five people were killed and 60 injured when Mt. Aso
erupted on the island of Kyushu. 

1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. It
was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit
television. 

1961 The United Kingdom granted Sierra Leone independence. 

1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. 

1967 In Montreal, Prime Minister Lester Pearson lighted a
flame to open Expo 67. 

1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops. 

1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan. 

1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington.
Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for the
shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others. 

1982 China proposed a new constitution that would radically
alter the structure of the national government. 

1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11
days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others. 

1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in
Beijing. 

1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President
Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. They claimed that he
had aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of
Jews and others as a junior German Army officer during World
War II. 

1992 The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was proclaimed in
Belgrade by the Republic of Serbia and its ally Montenegro. 

1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry
into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. 

2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its
maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840. 

2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first
Kremlin leader to visit Israel. 

2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot
One World Trade Center on the site of former World Trade
Center. 

2017  smiled.


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How to clean a CD 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 26

Thank You, Norma!!

We had snow almost every day for a week now. 4 inches today.
Calgary had 8 inches, Bragg Creek had 10. So much for
Gullible Warming!

Apparently collecting Carbon Tax to sabotage the economy and
to hire more burocrats does reduce the Gullible Warming. It
makes no sense to me, but since I am not a grant recipient,
they don't ask me anyway.

Well, we are in the cooling cycle again. 
The warming cycle started when Carl Sagans anti-muscle car
frenzy got going full steam. He blamed our muscle cars and
CO2 for the coming ice age. As soon as all the gullible
fools believed him, the cooling stopped and the warming
began. 

The warming cycle ended shortly after Al Gore's Gullible
Warming movie made him a few dozen Million bucks and
somebody bought him and Obama a Nobel prize.

I wonder who will champion the next "Ice Age Is Coming"
frenzy. 

Send in your nominations!

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Michigan barbarians destroy store and run over manager
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 26 in
1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. --- Ernest Benn It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. --- Pierre Beaumarchais AOL's "support" is built on that concept. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian elementary school for lunch . At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A teacher had made a note, and posted on the apple tray. It said, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note by the cookies that said, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barbarians in Kentwood, Michigan Not caught yet Michigan barbarians destroy store and run over manager At approximately 1:30 a.m. on Saturday, three women pulled up to a drive-through window at a Michigan convenience store. Before it was over, the store was trashed and the store manager was in the hospital — suffering from a broken pelvis, fractured leg, and bleeding on her brain. And it was all caught on surveillance video. As reported by Fox 17, the whole thing started when one or more of the unidentified women began arguing with the manager, identified only as “Kristina,” about prices. An employee of T&J Party Store, “Jose,” told the station: “They were arguing about the price or something like that, like the price was changing or something. So the owner gave them the bottle to check everything and she just got tired of dealing with it so she closed the window.” It was then game-on. In the video, the women can be seen walking into the store and confronting the manager at the check-out counter. They then storm out — tearing down shelves along the way. Jose told Fox 17 the manager started chasing them. "One of the two girls who came in after said 'well we'll give her something to get mad about,' and they started pulling down the shelves of the snacks. [...] They pulled the shelves and that's when Kristina started chasing them because they started running." The parking lot surveillance video revealed what happened next. After the manager chased the women to their SUV, she was knocked to the ground by the vehicle and run over. Jose suggested Kristina is fortunate to be alive. “I found her on the ground, she was laying there. If it would've been a few inches further they would've run over her stomach, so it was lucky that it wasn't and it was just the legs otherwise it would've been worse.” Fox 17 reported late Friday night that no arrests have been made in the case, nor have the suspects been identified. The 27 year old driver has been arrested, the teens 17 and 16 were let go. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Clean CDs Dear Webby Dear Webby.....you are the only one I can ask to help with advice on ...if it is possible to remove glue from a CD ? I got a CD with a Net Guide Magazine and it is always stuck on a page with rubberised solution...that's not a problem....but they then gum the protective cellophane envelope shut. I managed to get the CD out of there and then....stupid me !....after browsing it...I laid the CD back down on top of the envelope on my desk and Voila !....one unusable CD. What can I use ....is there a safe solution that would make my CD playable again ? I appreciate your sensible daily tips...so often things I needed to know ! I hope I don't have to go out and buy another magazine to get the CD....it has some good programmes on it ! Kind regards! Ella Dear Ella Soap and hot water don't hurt CDs. I would spray some citrus based organic cleaner onto it, let it soak for a few minutes, and then scrub it under hot water with a clean microfiber cloth. Dish soap should work too, but don't use dishwasher soap! Dishwasher soap has abrasives in it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, "We bet we can tell how old you are." The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it." One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age." He did. The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!" The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How did you guess that?" The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "You told us yesterday!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baked Apple Egg Roll Recipes We made these delicious apple egg rolls for dessert tonight! They were so easy to make and the vanilla whipped cream was perfect for dipping. :) Ingredients: Filling: 2 apples (I used 1 Granny Smith and 1 Gala) 2 Tbsp. lemon juice 1/3 cup sugar 4 Tbsp. flour 2 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp. allspice 1/8 tsp. salt 16 egg roll wrappers 1 egg lightly beaten Vanilla Whipped Cream: 3/4 cup heavy whipping cream 1/4 cup sugar 2 tsp. vanilla cinnamon Directions: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Peel, core, and chop up the apples. Add to a medium bowl. Add remaining filling ingredients to bowl and stir until well combined. Allow mixture to sit for about 10 minutes. Put egg into small bowl and beat slightly. Place a layer of parchment paper on a cookie sheet and lightly spray with cooking spray. Lay out one egg roll wrapper and carefully spoon about 2 Tbsp. of the filling onto the wrapper, near one of the points. Fold the point over the filling and then fold the two sides in towards the center. Brush the wrapper with some egg wash and carefully (but tightly) roll up the egg roll. Lay seam side down on prepared cookie sheet. Repeat until all of the filling is gone. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown and crisp. During the last 5 minutes of cooking, remove from oven and brush with melted butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar. Return them to the oven for the remaining 5 minutes. Serve immediately with vanilla whipped cream. Vanilla Whipped Cream: Place cream into a mixing bowl and using a hand mixer, beat on medium-high speed. Once cream has begun to thicken, add sugar and vanilla. Combine well, and continue to whip mixture until stiff peaks form. Lightly sprinkle with cinnamon. Servings:approx. 16 Prep Time:20 Minutes Cooking Time:20-25 Minutes By Laurel and Aiden from Port Orchard, WA
Cockatoo Rocks Out to Don't Be Cruel
____________________________________________________ Thanks to the tow-handle, the mileage is phenomenal! ___________________________________________________
I love mysteries!
From Jane: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies." Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 26
1478 Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano
de'Medici. 

1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 

1607 The British established an American colony at Cape
Henry, Virginia. It was the first permanent English
establishment in the Western Hemisphere. 

1865 Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to
Sherman during the American Civil War. 

1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal
Cavalry. 

1921 Weather forecasts were heard for the first time on
radio in St. Louis, MO. 

1929 First non-stop flight from England to India was
completed. 

1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the
Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government.
This raid is considered one of the first to be attacks on a
civilian population by a modern air force. 

1945 Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's
Vichy government during World War II, was arrested. 

1964 The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged
to form Tanzania. 

1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio
State University. 

1982 The British announced that Argentina had surrendered on
South Georgia. 

1985 In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79
people and injured 247. 

1986 The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at
Chernobyl, in Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the
incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive
material. 

1998 Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned
to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities
during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 

2000 Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's New
York Islanders. 

2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17
people at his former school. The student then killed
himself. 

2017  smiled.


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Humor: Danger of compressed "air" dusters 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 25

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Prisoner Tried To Carve ‘666’ Into His Forehead — 
It Didn’t Exactly go As Planned
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 25 in
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge. After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling." "Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not." Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The Rabbi eyed him coolly and replied: "With whom?" "That's 'With WHO!' " the Judge thundered. That is an extra day picking up garbage along the highway, on top of the five each of you get for lying to me!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Here finally is a picture of the famous Bausell Sailor: Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Old Mugshot, does not include newest "features" Nikko Jenkins, 28, Omaha, Nebraska Prisoner Tried To Carve ‘666’ Into His Forehead — It Didn’t Exactly go As Planned In trying to prove he was crazy in a long shot bid to avoid the death penalty, Nikko Jenkins only ended up proving he was a major league moron. Jenkins, 28, attempted to carve “the mark of the beast” into his forehead. His major mistake was using a mirror, causing his “creation” to come out backward. However, with a series of upside-down 9s, Jenkins has fashioned himself an entirely unique – and irreversible – engraving. According to Omaha.com, Jenkins told his attorney about the incident in a phone call from his cell in Omaha, Nebraska. The 28-year-old is in an ongoing appeal that he is mentally unstable and therefore ineligible to face the death penalty. His failed stunt was an apparent attempt to help prove that case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Martin Re: Compressed "air" Dear Webby I know you have long badmouthed and condemned the use of compressed air for computer cleaning, without ever stating your real reason. The kids already know and talk about it. Maybe it's as well that the parents and grandparents do too. (Yeah, I know, there are plenty of adult 'bone-heads" who would abuse them if told. Martin http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dustoff.htm Dear Martin Yes, it is true that stooopid kids inhale the compressed "air" from those silly cans that are sold to bozos to blow dirt and small parts to harder to reach places. Techs have known or suspected for a long time that those companies like Dust-Off just ship their toxic waste gases all over the country, to get rid of them anywhere but in their own back yard. We have also known for a long time that a certain percentage of kids will sniff anything from gas to glue, if some other kids tell them it will make them experience something strange. So, since you now know that Dust-Off and similar cans of compressed "air" contain toxic waste gases, supposedly as a propellant, and that dumb kids sniff that stuff, don't bring it into the house. Sure, not all kids who huff the stuff will die, some will just get even dumber than they are. But a certain percentage WILL die from huffing. For the same cost as a large can of toxic waste gas propelled industrial air, you can get a small rechargeable battery powered vacuum cleaner and get rid of dust bunnies instead of blowing them underneath heat sinks and other hard to get to places. If you do feel the insane urge to blow dust from the computer all over the house, put the crevice tool onto the hose of the vacuum cleaner and plug the hose into the wrong end of the vacuum cleaner. The fans in the computer will suck the stuff back into the computer and you can repeat the procedure next spring. Have FUN! DearWebby
From a dozen years ago: Yesterday Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to give a speech to California voters, but it was bumped so that Michael Jackson's verdict and a ton of ads could be televised. Arnold acted upset and said, if he can't speak to his voters, how can the [democrat] media misquote him?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sap on Your Car It always best to remove sap from your car quickly, while it is still soft. The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. You can also try rubbing the sap with mayonnaise on a rag. I have also heard that WD-40 works well for softening sap so that it can be removed. Clean the area once the sap has been removed. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com
Grandmas' reality show!
____________________________________________________ A frog decided to call the psychic hotline and see what his future held for him. The psychic says, "You will meet a very beautiful girl, who will want to know everything about you." "That's great !" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party, in the pond?" The psychic hesitated, then responded, "You will meet her next semester, in Biology lab!" ___________________________________________________
Celebrities when they were young.
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW DOWN! NUDIST COLONY
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 25
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to
capture Timbuktu. 

1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by hanging
himself. 

1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 

1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces
defeated the Anglo-Portugese. 

1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman
Nicolas J. Pelletier. 

1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of
disputes over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the
war fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River. 

1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt. 

1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power
reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital
for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with
the United States. 

1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA. 

1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, Union
General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA. 

1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade. 

1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of
Hanoi in Indochina. 

1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war
on the U.S. the day before. 

1901 New York became the first state to require license
plates for cars. The fee was $1. 

1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops
landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the
Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful. 

1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as president of
Germany. 

1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the name
"Pehlevi." 

1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 

1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on Elbe
River. 

1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco
to organize the United Nations. 

1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist
Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on
"Gloucester Hill," in Korea. 

1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in
U.S. Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill
lasted 22 hours and 26 minutes. 

1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick
suggested the double helix structure of DNA. 

1954 The prototype manufacture of the first solar battery
was announced by the Bell Laboratories in New York City. 

1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium
nuclear reactor. 

1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way
connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean. 

1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated
circuit. 

1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon. 

1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law
legalizing abortion in the U.S. The law was limited to
therapeutic abortions when agreed to, unanimously, by a
panel of three physicians. 

1971 The country of Bangladesh was established. 

1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a
military coup. 

1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first revised
on October 30, 1982. 

1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was
aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the
eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a
helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded.
Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed at
freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S.
embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event took place
April 24th Washington, DC, time. 

1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel
completed its Sinai withdrawal. 

1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith
to visit his country after receiving a letter in which the
U.S. schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war. 

1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit,
speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way. 

1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show
they favored the decentralization of education. 

1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S.
policy in Central America. They didn't understand it, but
had a lot of fun protesting anyway.

1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was
sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal. 

1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua. 

1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's
orbit. It was released by the space shuttle Discovery. 

1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of
the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist
government. 

1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation
Organization voted to revoke clauses in its charter that
called for an armed struggle to destroy Israel. 

1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton on was
questioned by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her
work as a private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at
the center of the investigation. 

2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader
and ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was
sentenced to four years in prison for her conviction on
fraud and theft charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of
fraud and 25 of theft of money from a women's political
league. 

2017  smiled.


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Fake "Email Account Suspension" Mail scam 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 24

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Connecticut dominatrix arrested for extortion
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 24 in
1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) The shortest distance between two points is under construction. --- Noelie Altito A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen." Now type the letter "p" to bring up the Program Manager." CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "p". TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?" TECH SUPPORT" "p" on your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ More from Kati: Boudreaux's 17-year-old, unmarried daughter tells her parents she thinks she is expecting. Very worried, they go to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, and crying, Boudreaux says, "Who 'dat pig what did you like 'dis? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of Boudreaux's house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with Boudreaux, the mother and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility. "If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, Boudreaux, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Den you try agin!" ______________________________________________________ Waiting long? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fatin Ann Ward, 35, Waterbury, Connecticut Connecticut dominatrix arrested for extortion A Connecticut dominatrix who describes herself as a “ruthless, plus size Bitch” in an online ad is locked up for allegedly extorting hush money from a 69-year-old man whom she recorded during their sessions, police report. According to an arrest warrant application, the victim hired Fatin Ann Ward, a 35-year-old convicted sex offender, after spotting an ad she placed on Backpage.com. The victim, a Mt. Kisco, New York resident, told police that he traveled to Ward’s Waterbury apartment for encounters with the dominatrix. In one online ad, Ward--identified as “Mistresses Teenie”-- declares that she is “black, dominant, ruthless” and has “the desire to walk all over you. Literally.” The ad concludes, “You shall submit yourself to me. Don't keep me waiting, give into your desires and release your finances over to me.” Ward’s client told police that she recorded him during one session. A subsequent police search of Ward’s phone turned up photos and videos of the client performing oral sex on Ward, sucking and rubbing her feet, and undressing and cleaning the 5' 6", 216-pound dominatrix’s oven. As first reported by the Republican-American's Jonathan Shugarts, Ward allegedly threatened to distribute the incriminating videos online unless the man paid her off. The victim, cops say, agreed to hush money payments in excess of $5000. The man, who provided Ward with more than half of the agreed upon amount, told investigators that the dominatrix contacted his wife and forwarded her the embarrassing videos. In a phone call monitored by police, Ward allegedly threatened to also send the footage to the victim’s children. As police executed a search warrant at her home, Ward told investigators that she had not threatened the client, though she did acknowledge that the man had not paid what he owed her. Ward told cops that she had told the victim his wife would “have a heart attack if she knew about his fetish for black women.” Pictured above, Ward was arrested last week on larceny, voyeurism, and disseminating voyeuristic materials charges. She is locked up in lieu of $100,000 bond. According to the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division, Ward--who has also used the surname Ahmad--is a Tier II sex offender. She was convicted in October 2000 of an attempted lewd act on a minor, a felony for which she served state prison time. Ward is required to register as a sex offender in both South Carolina, where she was convicted, and Connecticut, where she now resides. Her victim is a bonehead too, but there is no name or mugshot available. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: "Email Account Suspension" Mail sent by scammer Dear Webby I received all kinds of weird mail threatening to suspend my email account if I did not open some attachment and do this or that. The mails pretended to be from some team at my domain. Well, as you know, my team is me and my dog, and neither one of us sends silly emails to the other. What is it all about and how do I stop it? Angel Dear Angel It's some silly spam sent by a scammer. Just make a filter in MailWasher that looks for "Email Account Suspension" in the subject line, and tell it to trash that mail automatically. You won't see another one. Don't worry about that filter accidentally dumping legitimate mail. Nobody will announce suspending anybody's email. If email has to be messed with, because that address has not been checked in a long time, and the mail box has over 20 MB of spam in it, then there is no point adding a suspension notice to the end of that. The box will simply be dumped when it goes over the limit. Have FUN! DearWebby
Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the dopey anaesthesiologist!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Alternatives To Dryer Sheets By marilyn shipman [16 Posts, 4 Comments] Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets By marilyn shipman [16 Posts, 4 Comments] If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and costs practically nothing! By Marilyn from Colfax, LA
Demolition phone call
____________________________________________________ A couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him." ___________________________________________________
Splattered ink animal paintings.
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 24
1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass
in Central America. 

1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of
Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg. 

1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin,
Francis. 

1800 The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000
allocation. 

1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of
Derna in Tripoli. 

1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain. 

1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire. 

1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New
Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule
in the South. 

1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa
was now a German colony. 

1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized. 

1897 William Price became the first to be named White House
news reporter. 

1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's
ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba. 

1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began
the mass deportation of Armenians. 

1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion
against British occupation forces. They were overpowered
several days later. 

1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the
Himalayas. 

1953 Winston Churchill was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. 

1955 "X-Minus One," a science fiction show, was first heard
for the first time on NBC radio. 

1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility"
following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. 

1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time. 

1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft
crashed with a tangled parachute. 

1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.

1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first
satellite. 

1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors
in nine kinds of cancer. 

1974 David Bowie released "Diamond Dogs." 

1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing. 

1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape
Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space
Telescope. 

1997 The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons
Convention. The global treaty banned the development,
production, storage and use of chemical weapons. 

2000 ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 

2003 A U.S. official reported that North Korea had claimed
to have nuclear weapons. 

2017  smiled.


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Anti Static strap 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 23

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
2 NH women arrested for Pizza Dewlivery man stabbing
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 23 in
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Donna rides the bus to work every day. Today she's in some discomfort because she has a pain in her lower abdomen. She finally realizes that its just a tremendous build up of gas from something she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn't know what to do. Then she remembers that pretty soon the bus will run across some railroad tracts and it will rattle and bang and make lots of noise. She will be able to pass this gas and nobody will know. What she doesn't know is that the bus driver also rides the bus everyday and has grown tired of all the noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangs across the railroad tracts. So last night he stayed after work and had the maintenance crew tighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate all the moving parts to quiet down the old bus. Well, here come the railroad tracts, Donna raises up on one cheek and lets it rip. It was one long, loud, juicy sounding fart. The bus didn't rattle and bang like it usually did and now you could hear a pin drop inside the bus as everybody started looking around. Donna thought that maybe no one knew who did it and that she should just act natural. She thought she should just start a conversation with someone as if nothing had happened. She leaned over to the man sitting across the aisle and casually asked him, 'Do you have a transfer?' He politely responded, 'No I don't, but the next tree we pass I will try and grab you a handful of leaves.' ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Debra Pitts, 31, Jennifer Tozzi, 34, Claremont NH 2 NH women arrested for Pizza Dewlivery man stabbing Two women face felony charges in connection with the stabbing and armed robbery of a pizza delivery man Saturday morning, police said. The incident happened on Trinity Street and the victim, who was not identified, was treated and released from Valley Regional Hospital, Claremont Police Capt. Brent Wilmot said in a news release. Acting in part on tips from the public and an investigation that included reviewing video surveillance footage from a nearby location, police arrested Debra Pitts, 31, of Claremont, and Jennifer Tozzi, 34, at a Claremont residence at about 7:30 p.m. Saturday. Tozzi also had a warrant out for her arrest in connection an incident out of Grafton County, police said. Her hometown was not indicated in the release. Pitts faces a robbery charge and Tozzi has been charged with conspiracy to commit robbery. The charges filed against both are Class A felony-level offenses, the release said. Pitts and Tozzi remain in custody and scheduled to be arraigned on Monday in Claremont District Court. An earlier police news release said an order from Domino’s was being delivered to an apartment on Trinity Street when the delivery driver was attacked as he arrived at the apartment. The driver was stabbed several times and a small amount of money was taken. A neighbor who heard the attack intervened and threatened to call the police, at which point the two suspects fled on foot in the direction of Franklin Street. Pitts lives on Trinity Street, though Police Chief Mark Chase declined to say whether she had initiated the call to Dominos. “This has all the signs that it’s more than likely drug- related,” Chase said before the arrests were made. “We’re definitely looking at that angle. It’s just what everybody in the state is dealing with.” Staff at the Claremont Dominos on Saturday morning acknowledged that the driver was recovering from his injuries, but referred questions to a manager, who did not immediately respond to requests for comment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosalind Re: Static strap Dear Webby Have to install an ether port in the tower and the book says I should wear an grounding wrist strap available at most electronics stores. Before I spend the money I would like your opinion as to the necessity of wearing one. Thanks for your newsletter, pictures and always dependable advice. Rosalind Dear Rosalind Double your money. Just fold it in half and stick it back into your wallet. With today's electronics, static is not really a problem any more. However, if you routinely get zapped when you touch door knobs or the back of the computer, then take a couple of feet of any flexible wire, strip the insulation of the last few inches, tie one end to bare metal at the back of the computer, and loop the other end through your watch band o around your wrist. When you work on the computer, always leave it plugged in, so that it is properly grounded. Anybody who tells you to unplug the computer is a clueless idiot. Turn the switch on the power supply in the back to OFF. It will cut off all power, but will leave the ground securely connected. When done, remember to turn the power supply switch back ON. Make sure that your Ethernet cable is long enough, plug it into the port, and secure the cable to any vent holes in the back with a tight nylon quick-tie. That way no strain is put onto the delicate socket and plug, and it is not damaged when somebody trips over the cable or somebody pulls on it while trying to straighten out the cable mess behind the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
A five-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the kid, 'but the store is full of mothers.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reheating Evenly in a Microwave Oven By ShirleyE [162 Posts, 103 Comments] When reheating a meal on a plate in your microwave oven, arrange the food in a ring to help heat it more evenly.
Demolition phone call
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" ___________________________________________________
Splattered ink animal paintings.
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. " We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars " "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 23
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. It
was the Order of the Garter. 

1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 

1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain.

1635 The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was
the first public school building in the United States. 

1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the
Antilies from France. 

1789 U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin
House, New York. It was the first executive mansion. 

1789 "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time.
It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 

1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 

1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 

1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the
Liaodong peninsula to China. 

1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a
screen was demonstrated in New York City. 

1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an
article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-
Billie". 

1908 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act
creating the U.S. Army Reserve. 

1920 The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first
meeting in Ankara. 

1924 The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 

1945 The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin. 

1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao
and the communists. 

1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of
teletype setting. 

1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 

1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched. 

1981 The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test
at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 

1982 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that
consumer prices declined the previous month (March). It was
the first decline in almost 17 years. 

1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing
its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful,
which resulted in the resumption of selling the original
version. 

1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on
flights that were under two hours. 

1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the
Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the
marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 

1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for
human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles
and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 

1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis'
possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale
brought in #34.5 million. 

1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a
63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child
was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to
give birth. 

1999 In Washington, DC, the heads of state and government of
the 19 NATO nations celebrated the organization's 50th
anniversary. 

2003 U.S. President George W. Bush signed legislation that
authorized the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for
release in 2004. It was the first change to the coin in 65
years. The change, to commemorate the 200th anniversary of
the Louisiana Purchase, was planned to run for only two
years before returning to the previous design. 

2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against
Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up
weapons of mass destruction. 

2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications
bought and downloaded. 

2017  smiled.


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Modem as coffee heater 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 22

Thank you, Sig!!

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
David Harlow, stole his dates purse on 
their first date in Phoenix, Arizona.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 22 in
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral 
discovered Brazil. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ >From Fran: My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers, that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons, pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Mariana When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Can she cook?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dedav for this one: A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!" The bartender hooks a thumb over at a piano in the corner, "If that dog can play that piano, you both get a drink on the house!" The guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are loving it. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wants him to be a dentist." ______________________________________________________ Skunked! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Harlow, 38, Phoenix, Arizona David Harlow, stole his dates purse on their first date in Phoenix, Arizona. The Phoenix Police Department says 38-year-old David Harlow has been arrested for allegedly stealing a woman’s purse during a first date. Police say Harlow met the woman on Tinder, and the two talked for several weeks before meeting in person at a resort in Phoenix. During the date, the victim went to the restroom and asked Harlow to watch her belongings. When she got back, Harlow and her purse were reportedly gone. Harlow allegedly took the victim’s credit card to a casino and tried to withdraw money from several banks. "I feel like I took the appropriate cautions with this," the woman explained in a recent interview with ABC15. "Meeting him in public at a busy venue during the day." She says she felt comfortable enough to leave her belongings with the man because she thought they had connected, and had been talking for several weeks. Police say Harlow has involvement in similar incidents in the past. He has been booked on charges of felony theft, theft of a credit card, and taking the identity of another. Welcome to Joe Arpaios pink suit camp site, @#$%?&! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Petra Re: Modem heater Dear Webby My good old DSL modem died and I had to replace it. The new one is not keeping my coffee hot like the old one used to do. Any simple remedies for that? Petra Dear Petra, heating coffee too long makes it sour and tasting bad. Keeping it hot in a stainless steel thermos is a good solution. Millions of industrial and mining workers have done that for many decades. I still have my good old Stanley stainless steel thermos, that I bought, when I was working at the ALCAN smelter in the 70s. It still works fine, even though I dented it in a bad motorcycle accident in the 80s. They are probably a lot less expensive now. If you do not want an industrial looking thermos on your desk, search for "usb cup heater". Amazon lists them from $5 up. They range from dainty to cute in many designer colors. They even have one, that you recharge from your USB port and can then take along to the outhouse or picnic. Have FUN! DearWebby
An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness replied, "MY mother did!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Dirty Glass Bottles By Pattie McIntyre [38 Posts, 56 Comments] Try filling the bottle about halfway with water. Add a couple of tablespoons of ammonia. Using a funnel, pour in a couple of tablespoons of raw rice. Shake vigorously, then rinse. The rice "scrubs" the inside of the bottle. Hope this helps.
father films daughter 0 - 14 years old
____________________________________________________ In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today -- Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, "Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years." But even in death, he couldn't escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, "WOW! That's Amazing!" ___________________________________________________
Chalk art drawings.
Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped to ask a question. "Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf course you have here" he said to St. Peter. "That shouldn't matter to you." said St. Peter. "But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed "Well if I can't see it, then I'm not coming in!" "Very well Michael. As you wish...look through the gates." He looked and saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him sick to his stomach. "Forget it. There is no way in Hell I'm going to spend eternity playing on that course!" Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over his gate. "Come over here and see what I have to offer." Michael peered through the gate and he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says "I want to be on THAT course!" "Ok. Step on through and it's yours forever." St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said "I can't wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with laughter. "Oh, they are on the other side! That's why their course looks so worn out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 22
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered
Brazil. 

1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the
death of his father Henry VII. 

1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in
the Treaty of Saragosa. 

1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status
quo of Germany. 

1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American
neutrality in the war in Europe. 

1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 

1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the
inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent and
two-cent coins. 

1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as
thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. Those,
who had snuck in there before were called "Sooners", a name
often applied to all Oklahomans.

1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred
when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 

1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first
country to use poison gas. 

1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships in
the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 

1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval
Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited
shipbuilding. 

1931 Egypt signed the treaty of friendship with Iraq. 

1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the
White House. 

1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major attack
against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 

1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first
nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 

1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars"
missile system was "highly questionable" and would take ten
years to research. 

1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in
Washington, DC. 

1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture
the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day
hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those
killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, and
all 14 rebels. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez was reunited with his father. He had to
be taken from his Miami relatives by U.S. agents in a
predawn raid. 

2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a
state of emergency in the city of General Santos in response
to a series of bombing attacks the day before. The attacks
were blamed on Muslim extremists. 

2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It
successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010. 

2017  smiled.


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Free and legitimate music 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Connecticut drunk driver with drunkards t-shirt
arrested after crashing into cemetery wall
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 21 in
753 BC Traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. --- Edward Shepherd Mead There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. --- James Branch Cabell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!" Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Priests just can't stay out of trouble here these days. It seems the Church is being REAL careful and smacking down some behavior that, in the past, would have certainly been encouraged. For instance, there's this tale of a priest I heard about, who was trying to modernize the church. You know, to help bring young people into the fold. But the Bishop stopped by and had a chat with the young parish priest. "John," the bishop said, "I don't want to say you've had no successes. You told us to put a little more beat in to the music and that got some young folks back to church. I supported you, you know this, when you wanted a rock & roll gospel choir." "So," John asked, "What's the problem?" "Well, it's that 'drive-thru' confessional idea you came up with." "What's wrong with it? Look at the line-up out there! I am going to need a couple of helpers by the end of the month!" "I think what drove the Monsignor over the edge was the neon sign that said, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell!'" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Harrison Wooton, 25, Woodstock, Connecticut Connecticut drunk driver with drunkards t-shirt arrested after crashing into cemetery wall The 25-year-old Connecticut man was arrested early yesterday for drunk driving after he crashed his car into a wall outside a graveyard near his home in Woodstock. As seen above, Wooton was wearing a t-shirt declaring “Hold My Beer And Watch This” when he was collared for drunk driving and failure to drive in the proper lane. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Free music Dear Webby Is there a place on the web where you can legitimately get free music, without worrying about getting in trouble. I don't mean whole CD's, just enough of each artist to see if their music is worth spending money on. Thanks Alice Dear Alice Try http://www.soundclick.com/ You get one or two songs per artist there, just perfect for finding out who is woth the cost of a CD. Quality is pretty good, but expect to have to adjust the volume for each song. That site is better suited for serious research and Santa Claus list building, than for casual background music. The quality is excellent, but you have to keep selecting artists. I prefer http://accuradio.com There you select one of about a thousand channels like for example "Blonde Country", or "70's Bluegrass" or "Brazilian Jazz", or whatever you are in the mood for, and let it rip. It will continue to play music from your selected channel, and even remember your selection. You can rate individual artists, and skip the ones you don't like, and even ban artists you don't like. I have all the screechers banned and rated quite a few, so my background music is quite pleasant. You log in with your email address and a password. That means your history and preferences are waiting for you no matter which or whose machine you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
Lord George Brown, when the band struck up at an embassy function, asked: "Beautiful lady in scarlet, will you waltz with me?" "Certainly not," was the reply. "First, you are drunk. Second, it is not a waltz, but the Venezuelan National Anthem; and third, I am not a beautiful lady in scarlet, but the papal nuncio."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Sand Off Your Feet With the summer coming I thought this would be good to share, to remove any dry or wet sand, put baby powder on sandy feet or legs and wipe with towel. Your feet and legs will come clean and you'll smell nice and fresh. By Eleanor
how to make homemade ice
____________________________________________________ Once there was a guy that needed to make some money. He came up with an interesting plan. He had seen an elephant stand on 4 legs, 3 legs, 2 legs, even 1 leg. He had never seen an elephant stand on no legs. So he went out and bought an elephant. He posted a sign letting people know he was giving $1000 to anyone that can make his elephant stand on no legs. For each try he charged $200. So people came and went and the man was making alot of money because everyone was failing. One day, a man in a blue truck drove up and paid his $200. He walked over to the elephant with a large stick behind his back. He said "Now elephant, I want you to stand on no legs." The elephant just stared. So the guy walked around to the back of the elephant and WHACK!!! with the stick, right in the unmentionables. The elephant jumped up and the man received his $1000. The elephants owner had to think of a better plan because the guy took all the money he had made that day. So he said, "I have seen an elephant shake his head up and down but I have never seen an elephant shake his head left to right." So people came and went paying their money but never getting the elephant to shake it's head left to right. The man in the blue truck drove up and walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" The elephant shook its head up and down. The man said "Do you want me to do it again?" Did he win another $1000 ? Noooo, he didn't. The elephant remembered him and his stick, grabbed both with his trunk and with a swift and straight throw, threw them into a cement mixer across the street. ___________________________________________________
10 most dangerous roads around the world.
Classic Air Traffic Control Tower Conversations: "Air Force '45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard. I see you've already ejected." "Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit cal- ling you twin Cessna." "About three miles ahead, you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles. If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor." "You're gonna have to key the mic. I can't see you when you nod your head." "Put your compass on 'E' and GIT! Our brakes don't work at this altitude." "Don't anybody maintain anything." "Climb like your life depends on it...because it does." "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME, OPEN YOUR WINDOW SHADES!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 21
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of
Rome. 

43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena,
Italy. 

1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of
Ibrahim Lodi. 

1649 The Maryland Toleration Act was passed, allowing all
freedom of worship. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and
queen of England, Scotland and Ireland. 

1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle
of San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of
Texas. 

1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for
the first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL).


1862 The U.S. Congress established the U.S. Mint in Denver,
CO. 

1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 

1898 The Spanish-American War began. 

1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops
stayed for six months. 

1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous "last train robber," robbed
a train in Hanna, WY. 

1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red
Baron," was shot down and killed during World War I. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt announced that
several Doolittle bomber pilots had been executed by the
Japanese. 

1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that
weighed 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch
with a rod and reel. 

1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 

1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva (Svetlana Stalina) defected in New
York City. She was the daughter of Joseph Stalin. 

1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and
installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 

1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke
explored the surface of the moon. 

1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned,
condemning the United States. 

1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found
virus believed to cause AIDS. 

1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 

1986 Geraldo Rivera opened a vault that belonged to Al
Capone at the Lexington Hotel in Chicago. Nothing of
interest was found inside. 

1992 Robert Alton Harris became the first person executed by
the state of California in 25 years. He was put to death for
the 1978 murder of two teen-age boys. 

1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly
an F-16 combat plane. 

2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged
girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the
path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers
were killed. 

2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of
a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or
bird than that of a reptile. 

2000 The 1998 Children's Online Privacy Protection Act went
into effect. 

2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed
and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store.
The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 

2009 UNESCO launched The World Digital Library. The World
Digital Library (WDL) is an international digital library
operated by UNESCO and the United States Library of
Congress. 

2017  smiled.


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Privacy and domain name registration 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 20
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY woman in drunkards t-shirt in 
drunk driving bust
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 20 in
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long
Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that
would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few
members. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. -- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A nice girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for a chat. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé. "I am a Biblical scholar," he replies. "A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" "I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us." "And children? How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide." The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancé insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it go?" "He has no job and no plans, but he thinks I'm God." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Woman on cell phone at mall parking lot: "Hello, psychic hotline? Where did I park my car?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ladion Logan, 31 Queens, New York City NY woman in drunkards t-shirt in drunk driving bust A New York City woman wearing a “Support Your Local Bartender” t-shirt was arrested yesterday for driving drunk with her six-year-old son in the car. Ladion Logan, a 31-year-old Queens resident, was collared by Long Island cops after she slammed into a parked vehicle in Uniondale, a Nassau County hamlet. When police arrived at the accident scene, Logan reportedly began screaming and cursing at them. Following a brief struggle, Logan was handcuffed and placed into a police cruiser. Seen above, Logan was charged with drunk driving, resisting arrest, and endangering the welfare of a child. Logan’s son- -who was not injured in the crash--was released into the custody of family members, police reported. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Craig Re: Privacy and domain registrations Dear Webby Is it true that registering a domain causes a lot of spam unless you pay a lot of extra money for those rip-off proxy or private registrations? Craig Dear Craig That depends entirely on where you register your domain, Proxy and private registrations are indeed a rip-off, and cause a lot of unnecessary rigmarole. I don't advise them. I have been registering domains for our clients for 25 years and know all the tricks. If you want privacy and eliminate all the spam associated with being listed as a domain owner, I make you a special address for just that. Then you set up a filter in MailWasher or your mail program to filter all mail, that comes to that address, straight to the trash. If you ever do need access to that address, for example to acknowledge an application for some address changes, then you simply disable that filter for half a day. For the billing address of your domain I always use our billing address and pay for your annual renewal on your behalf. It then just shows up as a line item on your next, regular invoice. And we deal with the spam that is trying to get to your name registration billing address. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Ines Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Best Ever Brownies By Holly805 [12 Posts, 10 Comments] These are so rich and chocolatey! The recipe calls for cocoa powder, which lasts longer and is a little less expensive than baking chocolate. Use Dutch-processed cocoa powder when possible. Great for any time, any season! Total Time: 45 minutes Yield: at least a dozen Source: Recipe courtesy of my mom Ingredients: 1 cup butter 1/4 cup shortening 3/4 cup cocoa powder 4 eggs 2 cups sugar 2 tsp vanilla 1 1/2 cup flour 1 cup walnuts (optional) 1/4 cup powdered sugar for dusting (optional) Steps: Melt butter and shortening over low heat. As soon as it is completely melted, whisk in the cocoa powder and beat till smooth. Stir in the sugar and remove the mixture from the heat. Break four eggs into a separate bowl, to catch any bits of shell, and then thoroughly beat into the sugary mixture. It should become smooth and glossy. Stir in the vanilla, and then stir in the flour and nuts (nuts optional). Pour into a greased and lightly floured 13 X 9 inch pan. Gently push the batter to fill the edges of the pan and make light swirls over the top. This is what creates that nice, paper-thin crisp on the top. Bake for 25-30 minutes. If you want to dress up the brownies, Sift a little powdered sugar over small templates. You can also cut out a snowflake/flower pattern from a small circle of paper (which is what I did). Hold the template in place on each individual brownie while you sift the powdered sugar 1-2 tablespoons at a time over their tops. Gently lift off the templates, making sure not to displace any sugar. Enjoy!
Smack the Penguin
____________________________________________________ Two priests are vacationing in Hawaii. They don't want to stand out, so they decide to buy casual clothes. They've just hit the beach in loud Hawaiian print T- shirts and sandals when they spot this hot blonde in a tiny bikini walking their way. As she walks past them, she politely says, "Good afternoon, fathers." Well, the men are amazed, because they can't understand how the woman knew they were priests. They decide to go out and buy even wilder clothes, so they buy tie- died T-shirts, surfer shorts, and dark sunglasses. The next day, they hit the beach in their wild new clothes, and the same blonde passes them in a string bikini. As she passes, she says, "How do you do, fathers?" Well, the two priests are really confused, so they ask the blonde, "Excuse me, ma'am. We're not ashamed of being priests, but how in the world did you know who we were?" The blonde replies "Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Catherine from the convent!" ___________________________________________________
This street art is a little different.
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year- old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. After another half hour had elapsed, they asked again, "Can we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them. "WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES??" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 20
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 

1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from St.
Malo to explore the North American coastline. 

1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long
Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that
would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few
members. 

1657 English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle
when he destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay. 

1689 The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II
attacked the city. 

1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois Indian
in Cahokia. 

1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.


1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia.
It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 

1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg,
Bavaria. 

1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act of
the U.S. Congress. It was the first national park in the
U.S. 

1837 Erastus B. Bigelow was granted a patent for his power
loom. 

1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective
story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published in
Graham's Magazine. 

1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 

1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 

1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey
from London to Cyprus. 

1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the
radioactive element radium. 

1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite
rebellion against the British. Casement, a British diplomat,
was captured within hours and was hanged for high treason on
August 3. 

1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the
Soviets. 

1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 

1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio
broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation with
Germany." 

1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 

1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the
German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 

1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the
exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty
Americans were freed. 

1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a
record time of 2:18:51. 

1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 

1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-
way ride for blacks to move to northern states. 

1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the
Vietnam War. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to
achieve racial desegregation in schools. 

1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the
moon. 

1977 Woody Allen's film "Annie Hall" premiered. 

1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S.
was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the
Nissho Maru on April 9. 

1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong
would cease in 1997. 

1985 In Madrid, Santiago Carillo was purged from the
Communist Party. Carillo was a founder of Eurocommunism. 

1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a
military revolt. 

1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was
officially unveiled. 

1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-
definition TV. 

1991 Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head of state
to visit South Korea. 

1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville,
Spain. 

1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon
for the second time. He also registered the third fastest
time with 2 hours 7 minutes and 34 seconds.

2017  smiled.


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Wacky punctuation marks 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 19
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida waiter arrested for stealing $3,000 
diamond ring
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 19 in
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor
and sank the Spanish fleet. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past. --- William Faulkner (1897 - 1962) Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. --- Euripides ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an elderly Italian gentleman in the street who was wearing a black suit and asked him how often he had sexual intercourse. "Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled. "I thought you Italians were supposed to be more active than that!" she said. "We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car." ______________________________________________________ inbred pigeon ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wesley Aaron Dicus, 27, Pensacola, Floriduh Florida waiter arrested for stealing $3,000 diamond ring A Florida waiter is accused of stealing a $3,000 diamond ring that fell off a customer's finger. Pensacola police tell news outlets that 27-year-old Wesley Aaron Dicus was arrested Tuesday on charges of grand theft and dealing in stolen property. The Pensacola News Journal reports a 39-year-old woman told police she believed the ring slipped off when she put lotion on her hands. The ring was later identified on an online app called OfferUp. Police say detectives posing as a couple met with Dicus and he offered to sell it to them for $2,000. Police arrested him when the markings on the ring matched the woman's description. Dicus remains in jail on a $12,500 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doris Re: Wacky punctuation marks on web pages Dear Webby Dear Webby: Lately I have seen more and more web pages that have question marks and wacky symbols where one would expect a quote or double-quote mark or some other punctuation mark. I have also seen it in some of the blander blogs. I won't visit those again anyway, because of their lack of interesting content, but I am wondering if that is just sloppiness or some new trend. I have even seen it in some articles on anti-government on-line "papers" like CNN and NY-Times-online. What's the story behind that? Doris Dear Doris It's just sloppiness by people who don't know HTML, and who just quickly slobber their stuff into MS WORD and then save it as HTML. What is a real nuisance is that sometimes it looks OK, but sometimes it doesn't. You may have noticed in the Bonehead Awards, paragraphs that I copied form certain online newspapers, also have that problem. Usually I catch the stuff, but sometimes I don't notice the curly quotes and similar gibberish from yuppies pretending to be literate. Sorry about that! Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was suffering from a stomach ache, so he told his wife who suggested he try the tablets the Doctor had given her for a similar pain. After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear. He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened. Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a fallen womb, God knows how I'm going to get your balls back down!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Packed Lunches All four of my kids take packed lunches. To save money on the snacks that go in, I buy big bags of chips, cheeses, whatever, and bargain sandwich bags, then pack the snacks in them. Saves a lot over buying the individual snack packs that are made to fit into the lunches. I make my own peanut butter crackers too, with saltines or Ritz-type. It takes a few minutes extra in the morning, but it does save money. Marjorie
The strange case of twins
____________________________________________________ A solicitor for a charity made an appointment with the mayor to plead for a contribution. The man listened to her appeal in stony silence. Finally, she said, "Did you know, sir, that the equivalent of a dollar will feed a child in India for one month?" Still, there's no response, and the solicitor leaves. The next day, the mayor senr his three children to India. ___________________________________________________
This street art is a little different.
At one point during the little league game, the coach said to his young son, who was playing in the game, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire and call him nasty names. Do you understand all that?" Again, the little boy nodded yes. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 19

1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging
the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop of
Canterbury in 1005. 

1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German
Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 

1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor
and sank the Spanish fleet. 

1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond
Andros. 

1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic
Sanction, which gave women the rights of succession to
Hapsburg possessions. 

1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies
from printing paper money. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales,
Australia. Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 

1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at
Lexington, MA. 

1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 

1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 

1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American
merchants. 

1839 The Kingdom of Belgium was recognized by all the states
of Europe when the Treaty of London was signed. 

1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a
hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 

1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and
nine civilians killed. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of
Confederate ports. 

1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by
Charles and Frank Duryea. 

1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the
first of its type in the U.S. 

1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai-
shek. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a
proclamation that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 

1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory over the
Communists in the Spanish Civil War. 

1939 Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S.
Constitution after 148 years. 

1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The
Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 

1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers"
speech before the U.S. Congress after being relieved by U.S.
President Truman. In the address General MacArthur said that
"Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 

1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had
survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during World
War II. 

1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco
when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil
ceremony took place on April 18. 

1960 Baseball uniforms began displaying player's names on
their backs. 

1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos
back to the U.S. 

1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It
was the first space station. 

1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the
USSR. 

1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when
members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into
the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 

1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business
traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with
subversion in Central America. 

1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a
200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500
feet from the ground. 

1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was
captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego
Wild Animal Park. 

1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors
were killed. 

1989 In El Salvador, Attorney General Alvadora was killed by
a car bomb. 

1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to
the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the
cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed
including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped
the fire. 

1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King
for violation of his civil rights. 

1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City,
OK, was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on
U.S. territory. 168 people were killed including 19
children, and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found
guilty of the bombing on June 2, 1997. 

1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro
democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 

2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed
while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 

2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were
killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October
12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's al-
Qaida network. 

2017  smiled.


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How to get rid of temp files and obsolete stuff 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 18
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police impersonator pulls over uniformed 
Miami-Dade police detective
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 18 in
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the
Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to
his excommunication.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. --- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .... mighty scarce. --- Mark Twain "True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Honey," said a husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that," said the husband. "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" the wife demanded. "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hmmm, interesting! Penguins are found in the Antarctic, not Arctic. Penguins can jump as high as 2 feet in the air. Penguins only have sex once a year. Is that because they walk like a punk with oversize pants haf-way down the hips, exposing rear cleavage ? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marcos Pacheco-Bustamante 46, Miami-Dade, Floriduh Police impersonator pulls over uniformed Miami-Dade police detective A police impersonator chose the wrong person to mess with on Friday when he pulled over a Miami-Dade police detective, authorities said. According to an arrest report, the detective was driving north on Interstate 95 in a county-issued unmarked vehicle when he was pulled over shortly before 7:30 a.m. by Marcos Pacheco-Bustamante. Police said Pacheco-Bustamante, 46, of Miami, who was driving a Ford Crown Victoria, pulled up behind the detective's vehicle and activated police sirens, causing the detective to change lanes. Police said the suspect continued to follow the detective, so the detective pulled over to the shoulder of the road near Northwest 119th Street. The detective, who was in full uniform, got out of his vehicle and realized that he was dealing with a police impersonator, the report said. The detective arrested Pacheco-Bustamante and searched his vehicle, finding an H&K BB gun replica and a blue police light, authorities said. Pacheco-Bustamante was interviewed by detectives, who said he confessed to pulling over other drivers. Pacheco-Bustamante is being held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center on a charge of impersonating a police officer. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Clean temp files and obsolete stuff Dear Webby Which of the hundreds of programs available for cleaning old temp files and other useless stuff is the most bang for the buck ? Thanks Rhonda Dear Rhonda Try CrapCleaner. It does the same as programs costing over $100, but it's free, fast, easy to use and reliable.. You can get it from http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner They now have a Cloud version that lets you clean a whole bunch of computers with one click. Personally, I prefer the classic version and do one machine at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Now, I'm short and fat!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pineapple Cream Cheese Frosting By lalala... [818 Posts, 103 Comments] This pineapple cream cheese frosting is a fun twist on traditional cream cheese frosting. Source: Recipe by Lady Behind the Curtain Ingredients: 8 oz cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup butter, softened 1/2 tsp vanilla 1/2 cup crushed pineapple, with juice 2 lb powdered sugar Steps: In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese and butter, creaming until fluffy. Add vanilla and pineapple, mixing well. Add powdered sugar, 1 cup at a time. Frost cupcakes and enjoy! NOTE: Store frosted cupcakes in the refrigerator, as this frosting is quite soft.
The strange case of twins
____________________________________________________ >From Robert: The doctor told me: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ___________________________________________________
These cakes are too pretty to eat!
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 18
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the
Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to
his excommunication. 

1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 

1775 American revolutionaries Paul Revere, William Dawes and
Samuel Prescott rode though the towns of Massachusetts
giving the warning that the Regulars were coming out. Later,
the phrase "the British are coming" was attributed to Revere
even though it is unlikely he used that wording. 

1791 National Guardsmen prevented Louis XVI and his family
from leaving Paris. 

1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the
Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War.

1838 The Wilkes' expedition to the South Pole set sail. 

1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 

1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers
commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American
War) 

1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to
Tanna. 

1861 Colonel Robert E. Lee turned down an offer to command
the Union armies during the U.S. Civil War. 

1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process
of recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is
regarded as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S.,
Thomas Edison gets the credit. 

1895 New York State passed an act that established free
public baths. 

1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The
original death toll was cited at about 700. Later
information indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to
4 times the original estimate. 

1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at
night. 

1924 Simon and Schuster, Inc. published the first "Crossword
Puzzle Book." 

1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 

1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader
Josef Stalin. 

1938 Superman made his debut when he appeared in the first
issue of Action Comics. (Cover date June 1938) 

1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS
Hornet, raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 

1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and
invited Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 

1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku
Yamamoto, was shot down by American P-38 fighters. 

1945 American war correspondent Ernie Pyle was killed by
Japanese gunfire on the Pacific island of Ie Shima, off
Okinawa. He was 44 years old. 

1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 

1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was
completed. 

1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 

1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were
married. The religious ceremony took place April 19. 

1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama
Canal to Panama on December 31, 1999. 

1980 Rhodesia became independent nation of Zimbabwe. 

1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide
car-bomber. 63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 

1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky
dive from the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 

1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 

1985 Tulane University abolished its 72-year-old basketball
program. The reason was charges of fixed games, drug abuse,
and payments to players. 

1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried
to storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 

1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game
in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer
and holder of 61 individual records. 

2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in
connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife about a
year before. 

2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of
north Florida. Four people were killed and 133 were injured.


2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene
Dietrich an honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the
United States in 1930. She refused to return to Germany
after Adolf Hitler came to power. 

2017  smiled.


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Pranking telemarketers 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 17

Thank you, Francis!!

10 cm (4 inches) of snow again this morning.
Most of it was gone by evening.
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Robert Desmond Johnson arrested for giving his 
17 year old daughter pot brownies and having 
her sell them at a Floriduh High School.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 17 in
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies 
by the American Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. --- Katharine Whitehorn "The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased; sometimes it gets replaced." ---John Peers ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What Is Easter? Three cheerleaders died in an accident trying to jump the Grand Canyon. They are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is - "What is Easter"? The first cheerleader replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when we all get together, eat turkey and are thankful." "Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St.Peter. Then he turns to the second cheerleader, and asks her the same question - "What is Easter?" The second cheerleader replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second cheerleader, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place; she is not welcome in Heaven. He then peers over his glasses at the third cheerleader and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is?" The third cheerleader smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third cheerleader continues ... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of hockey!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's was originally named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check." "And is that the reason why they are now renaming this great Israeli institution to Bronfman Auditorium, after a Canadian?" "Yes." ______________________________________________________ It snowed again here ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Desmond Johnson, 38, Plam Bay, Floriduh Robert Desmond Johnson arrested for giving his 17 year old daughter pot brownies and having her sell them at a Floriduh High School. A father and daughter went to jail after selling pot brownies that sent two teenagers to the hospital last week, according to the Palm Bay Police Department. Robert Desmond Johnson, 38, of Palm Bay, and his 17-year-old old daughter were each charged Friday with delivery of a controlled substance within 1,000 feet of a school. Johnson was also charged with delivery of a controlled substance to a minor, possession of cannabis with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia. Police also charged a second teen with sale and delivery of marijuana and two teens with possession of marijuana. Thursday, a student became unconscious at Heritage High School and was taken to Palm Bay Community Hospital by ambulance, police said. That same day, some parents took their teen to the hospital for similar symptoms, the affidavit said. Police determined both boys had eaten brownies baked with marijuana. Johnson made the brownies and gave them to his daughter to sell to her friend who attends Heritage, police said. Officers arrived at Johnson's home Friday with a search warrant. They recovered more than 400 grams of marijuana in plastic bags and jars. Johnson told police he grows the marijuana in his garage, the affidavit states. Johnson posted $62,500 bail Sunday at the Brevard County Detention Center in Sharpes. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Louis Re: Telemarketer stop Dear Webby I have a better way to be rid of telemarketers than making them wait as you suggested in today's Tech Support Pit. As soon as you are assured that it is an unwanted call Just press ############## several times in succession. I don't know how or why it works but I NO LONGER get calls. I've been a fan of yours for over 10 years now and hope to be for another 10 years. Louis Beland Thanks Louis! When Barb was still working here, she used a little yellow ducky squeaky toy upside down on her desk. When she got a telemarketer, she whacked the little yellow ducky's squeaker with her phone. That seemed to work quite well too. Have FUN! DearWebby
Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note. Last Sunday the priest ended with... "Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?" It seems I got that one wrong!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Cat Repellents By pennyc218 [1 Comment] Put some of the peels of the citrus around your trees .
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM8ZMcCpEpk"> dog sings while playing piano
____________________________________________________ "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, it doesn't matter," explained the teacher, "you don't even know what it means." "I do, so!" Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start." ___________________________________________________
These cakes are too pretty to eat!
A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices that the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise down the highway. This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years. Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when we used to be like that young couple? Where did the love go, honey?" Her question was met with a few moments of pensive thought, while he looked at his gnarled hands on the steering wheel. Then he replied, "I don't know, but I haven't moved."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 17
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to
find a passage to Asia and the Indies. 

1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman
Catholic Church. 

1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano. 

1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the
American Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1704 John Campbell published what would eventually become
the first successful American newspaper. It was known as the
Boston "News-Letter." 

1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered the
seizure of U.S. ships. 

1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton. 

1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54'
40'. 

1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire
escapes to be provided for tenement houses. 

1864 U.S. Civil War General Grant banned the trading of
prisoners. 

1865 Mary Surratt was arrested as a conspirator in the
Lincoln assassination. 

1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. It
was the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the treaty
China ceded Taiwan to Japan. 

1917 A bill in Congress to establish Daylight Saving Time
was defeated. It was passed a couple of months later. 

1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful
helicopter lift-off from water near Stratford, CT. 

1941 The office of Price Administration was established in
the U.S. to handle rationing. 

1946 The last French troops left Syria. 

1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba at
the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro.
Promised US naval and airborne help did not materialize and
the invasion was unsuccessful. Survivors were sentenced to
30 years in jail.

1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane solo
around the world. 

1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model. 

1967 The U.S. Supreme Court barred Muhammad Ali's request to
be blocked from induction into the U.S. Army. 

1969 In Los Angeles, Sirhan Sirhan was convicted of
assassinating U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy. 

1969 Czechoslovak Communist Party chairman Alexander Dubcek
was deposed. 

1970 Apollo 13 returned to Earth safely after an on-board
accident with an oxygen tank. 

1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia,
Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war. 

1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters. 

1983 In New York, a transit strike that began on March 7
ended. 

19840 In London, demonstrators outside the Libyan Embassy
were fired upon from someone inside. Eleven people were
injured and an English Police woman was killed. 

1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W.
Beirut. 

1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people in a
road ambush. 

1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status. 

1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former
police officers of violating the civil rights of beaten
motorist Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted. 

1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison
without parole for killing their parents. 

1999 In India, the government of Prime Minister Atal Bihari
Vajpayee collapsed after losing a vote of confidence. 

2002 At the National Maritime Museum in London, the exhibit
"Skin Deep A History of Tattooing" opened. 

2017  smiled.


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Hot Key Collection 
<B></B>





Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 13
It stopped snowing, and it started to melt. 
Typical April.

By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
to get more injections into my eyeballs. Barb, who used to
be my secretary, will be driving me, becasue after the
injections I can't see the road and traffic.
There won't be a Friday, Saturday or Sunday issue of the
Humor Letter. Sunday evening I will send out the Monday
issue.

That will give you time to print out yesterday's Hot Key
cheat sheet, and the one from today. That one is a repeat,
but quite a few subscriber asked to see it again.
Some people write those Hot Keys on a narrow masking tape
and stick that to the monitor frame.

In the good old days, when keyboards had the function keys
on the left, where God had intended them to be for getting
work done much faster, we had space above the regular keys,
where they put the functions keys now. In those days the
bigger programs like Word Perfect, Word Star, Quattro, Word,
etc. had cardboard strips with the hot keys printed on them
to lay up above the regular keys. You can still make one of
those, and just glue it onto the narrow free strip above the
functon keys.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas massage parlor busted when hundreds of 
condoms destroy industrial waste disposal unit
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 13 in
1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to
South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and
Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country other
than Britain and Ireland. It did not go over well.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. --- Socratex The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The average man's life consists of: twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering, too! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $40 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for reporting these boneheads. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Wang and Joseph Emery Austin, Texas 'Hundreds of condoms' destroy pipe, police raid Texas massage parlor A husband and wife accused of operating an Austin prostitution ring are facing felony charges following an investigation that began when police discovered a waste pipe connected to the business was clogged with "hundreds of condoms," according to records. Juan Wang and her husband, Joseph Emery, the owners of Jade Massage Therapy LLC, each face a charge of engaging in organized criminal activity. Neither suspect was listed as an inmate at the Travis County Jail on Tuesday afternoon. The investigation into the massage parlor began Feb. 7, when the property manager for the Jade Massage location in the 11400 block of North Ranch Road called police to express her suspicion that prostitution was happening at the business. She "became aware of a problem when an industrial waste disposal unit connecting the property to city sewer services became clogged and destroyed by hundreds of condoms," affidavits for Wang and Emery state. The property manager's tip was the second complaint of possible prostitution at Jade Massage that police had received in three months. After the discovery of the destroyed pipes, police searched Backpage.com, which often solicits prostitution services, for advertisements for the business. They found several. Advertisements for Jade Massage were posted on Backpage.com as often as two to three times per day, the affidavits state. In the following weeks, police staked out Jade Massage's second location in the 9100 block of Anderson Mill Road. Officers pulled over a couple of suspected john's who had gone into the massage parlor, who allegedly both admitted that they had paid for sexual services during their time inside. On March 22, members of the Austin Police Department Human Trafficking Unit and members of the Criminal Conspiracy Unit executed search warrants at the Alameda Trace Circle location. Inside, Wang was found inside a room with a nude man, and another woman was found inside a different room with another nude male, the affidavit states. Police simultaneously executed a search warrant at Wang and Emery's home and discovered over $65,000 in a safe. Further investigation into the couple revealed Wang had been stopped Feb. 5 at Austin Bergstrom International Airport by a TSA agent who found $30,000 in "duct taped bundles" of cash in her possession. She claimed the money was earned from her massage business and that she was taking it with her to China to pay for a medical procedure. She was allowed to pass through with the money, but only after the agent called Emery to verify her story. Both Wang and Emery would later tell police that they didn't know the names of their employees, who were all located and recruited by a "friend." Ledgers for Jade Massage showed no payments to the women, but they did show that Jade Massage's customers, almost all of whom were men, regularly tipped the masseues between $40 and $120 on top of a $60 house charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Connie Re: Old Keyboard shortcuts Dear Webby Yes, I remember seeing your standard keyboard shortcuts, but thought I would remember each of them. Guess what? I didn't. Can you show them again, please? Connie Dear Connie You are not the only one requesting those. So here they are: The F Keys (Function Keys) have gone more and more out of style ever since some dingbats decided to put them on top, instead of on the left side where God intended them to be for maximum productivity, just so that they can make cubicles narrower. The only common ones that are still surviving are these: F1 is HELP CTRL and F4 together closes a window ALT and F4 together closes a program CTRL and A together selects everything in the open window CTRL and C together copies what you have selected CTRL and V together pastes what you have copied CTRL and INSERT together copies what you have selected SHIFT and INSERT together pastes what you have slected SHIFT and DELETE together copies AND cuts what you have selected CTRL and Z reverses the last action if it was a write or delete, that is the UNdo key CTRL S saves the file you are working on CTRL and ALT and DELETE brings up the System Manager. You use that for changing your password. ALT and the SPACE BAR together open the menu of the program you are in, or Launchy, if you are using it. CTRL and F together is the search for a word in the open window. Some programs use some of the other F keys as well, but not in a world wide consistent manner. The ones I listed are the only ones you need to remember nowadays. There are also some Windows specific keys that use a combination of the Windows key and a letter. The "Windows Key" is the one on the bottom row, that has the Microsoft flag on it. To save space here I'll use *W* for the Windows key *W* Opens the start menu *W* and D minimizes open programs *W* and E opens Explorer at the top, not at some silly location *W* and F opens the file search (computer, not word search in the document you are in) *W* and L careful with this one, it has to do with logging OFF or locking your computer *W* and M "Boss-Alert" key. Closes open windows, but hitting *W* M again does not pop them open again like *W* D does. *W* and R opens the RUN box. *W* R calc opens the calculator *W* and U opens the Utility manager for stuff like the narrator, magnifier, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jane's mother-in-law asked Bob to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. He went and looked around and couldn't find any. So he grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at him and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Small Amounts of Homemade Bisquick Making Small Amounts of Homemade Bisquick By Judy Pariser S. [133 Posts, 132 Comments] I like to make my own Bisquick because it is more economical, and I can't always use an entire box before the expiration date. A lot of the recipes to make it at home make very large quantities. I was really happy to find this recipe. It makes 1 and 1/2 cups. Total Time: 5 minutes Yield: 1 1/2 cups Ingredients: 1 1/4 cup flour (I used half whole wheat, half all-purpose) 2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 cup oil or shortening Steps: Mix all ingredients together. Any leftovers can be stored in the refrigerator or freezer. Source: The Tightwad Gazette
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM8ZMcCpEpk"> dog sings while playing piano
____________________________________________________ The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enough of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last 10 years, energy pills for years, and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce?" She smiled slyly and replied, "The pharmacist, silly." ___________________________________________________
13 of the most isolated places on the planet.
A man entered a barbershop and said: "I am tired of looking like everyone else! I want a change! Part my hair from ear to ear!" "Are you sure?" "Yes! said the man. The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left the shop. Three hours passed and the man reentered the shop. "Put it back the way it was," he said. "What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired of being a nonconformist already?" "No," he replied, "I'm tired of people whispering at my nose!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 13
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes
which granted political rights to French Protestant
Huguenots. 

1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of
Bergen. 

1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to
South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and
Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country other
than Britain and Ireland. It did not go over well.

1796 The first known elephant to arrive in the United States
from Bengal, India. 

1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance. 

1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to
Catholics. 

1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 

1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a
westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph,
MO. 

1861 After 34 hours of shelling, the Union-held Fort Sumter
surrenders to Confederates. 

1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a
bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 

1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by
Lord Clydesdale. 

1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 

1945 After WWII Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 

1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone
was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 

1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting
for Communists. 

1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into
Earth's orbit. 

1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to
apartheid. 

1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced
price increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been
applying pressure against the price increases. 

1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a
planned moon landing. 

1976 The U.S. Federal Reserve introduced $2 bicentennial
notes. 

1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after
101 hours. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El
Salvador without congressional approval. 

1984 Christopher Walker was killed in a fight with police in
New Hampshire. Walker was wanted as a suspect in the
kidnappings of 11 young women in several states. 

1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World
War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in
the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously blamed the
massacre on the Nazis. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica announced a $62.5 billion
merger, creating the country's first coast-to-coast bank. 

1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural
birth to a healthy baby lamb. 

1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to
25 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas
Youk. Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on
"60 Minutes" in 1998. 

2000 It was announced that 69 people had died when the
Arlahada, a Philippine ferry, capsized. 70 people were
rescued. 

2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were
wounded when grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic
guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 

2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned
a day after taking office. Thousands of people protested
against the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 

2007 Google announced that it had acquired the advertising
service company DoubleClick for $3.1 billion. 

2017  smiled.


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Hot Keys for browsing 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 12

Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Australian Rapper Terry Peck skipped out on 
$621 food and booze bill

Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 12 in
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993) Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again. --- Mike Myers _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Olga and Cherie had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Cherie glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A railway inspector in Arkansas was making the rounds of a railway station and yard in a small town. He located Hank, a man who had worked in the rail yard for almost forty years. He questioned Hank about various safety considerations and seemed to be satisfied that Hank was genuinely knowledgeable about railway safety. As a last question, he asked Hank what he would do if he saw two trains approaching each other, on the same track, travelling at speeds of 60 miles per hour? Hank said "I'd yell R.T." The railway inspector, puzzled by this, asked, "What's an R.T. ?" Hank said, "R.T.'s my buddy and he's got one of them deegital cameras!" ______________________________________________________ It Snowed Again Last Night ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terry Peck, 33, Southport, Gold Coast, Australia Australian Rapper Terry Peck skipped out on $621 food and booze bill An aspiring rapper gorged himself on seafood and alcohol at a Gold Coast restaurant and then fled into the surf without paying his $621 bill, a Queensland court has heard. Terry Peck, 33, allegedly devoured two lobsters, 17 oyster shooters, a baby octopus, and several beers at Main Beach's Omeros Bros Restaurant, all by himself, because his fan did not want to be seen with him, before making his getaway. The staff from Main Beach restaurant took off in hot pursuit. Peck, who goes by the name 2pec, ran onto the beach and into the surf, and efforts to cajole him back to shore were unsuccessful. Two police jumped on a lifeguard's jet ski, caught and tenderized him and handcuffed him right in the ocean before towing him to the beach. Peck was charged with stealing and two counts of serious assault of a police officer, and appeared in the Southport Magistrates Court today. The court heard Peck allegedly committed the offences while on parole after being released from prison in February. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mina Re: Keyboard shortcuts Dear Webby I got all your old keyboard shortcuts and love them. Do you have any new ones? Mina Dear Mina Yes, there are some that are not in my old list of keyboard shortcuts. They are for browsing and work on most browsers. I use Chrome, except for posting on forums and for shopping, where Chrome fails when you try to preview. For that you have to use FireFox. They still have not fixed that Chrome bug. OK, here is the most important shortcut, that you can't replace by mousing around: CTRL T If you restart because of some silly updates or because your 147 open tabs got the memory all bunged up, the browser may or may not open with all your tabs. Sometimes it may briefly ask if you want it to restore all the old tabs. If you don't get your curser onto that little pop-up within 1.5 seconds, you are stuck with a browser, that has forgotten all your 147 tabs. Even worse, if you had 3 browser windows, each with lots of open tabs! Now what? CTRL T restores one browser window with all it's tabs. While you got your paws on the keyboard, hit it again! CTRL T and the next window is restored CTRL T again, and the third window is restored! If you accidentally closed a tab, and just as it cloed you spotted something interesting? CTRL SHIFT T re-opens it. Got CTRL T firmly scratched into the monitor frame? If you keep a whole bunch of tabs open, then you really should get the ONE-TAB browser extension. It is like a manageable history. ALT SHIFT Z closes a tab and puts it into the ONE-TAB list. You can re-open it at any time. You can even change ALT SHIFT Z to whatever is most comfortable for your hand. Isn't that downright civilized? Also very handy is the space bar when you are reading a long article. It scrolls you down one paragraph. You probably know about CTRL D for bookmarking a page and putting it into the chaos, where you can never find anything. If you ever want to make the bookmarks usable, export them and put them into a spreadsheet. Add a new column on the left and put rating numbers or category codes into that column. Yes, I know, the exporting from Chrome rather lame. You can't export in CSV format, just in HTML, but most modern spreadsheets can handle that. After you have your bookmarks in a spreadsheet, dump the ones in the browser and start fresh. That way you can simply add the fresh ones once a month or year to the spreadsheet. In the spreadsheet, of course, you can sort them any way you want and re-sort differently in a second. Next one is CTRL K If you want to search for purple peale eaters, hit CTRL K and the search bar opens, start typing your search phrase and hit ENTER. CTL L gets the cursor to the URL line, ready to type in the domain name of your choice. Overloaded your memory yet? Say you want to go to the 7th tab. CTRL 7 CTRL and the number of the tab you want, jumps you there. OK, OK, I'll quit in a moment. One more important shortcut. Lets say you want slightly bigger fonts: CTRL + Smaller: CTRL - There are a few more, but these are the most important ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
>Thanks to Cookie for these daffinitions: BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who to blame for it. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all' not 'reply'.) See also CLM CLM - Career Limiting Move: Telling a racy joke about the boss to someone on the phone, without first checking to see if the boss is visiting the cubicle on the other side of the paper wall. BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am. BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crime watch. GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garlic Bread Recipes By katrine2706 [85 Posts, 33 Comments] Garlic bread is my favorite. I love the aroma and the rich flavor of garlic. But it is not always available in most bakeries here in my province so I make my own simple garlic bread recipe at home. Garlic breads are also often sprinkled with garlic powder but in my recipe I chose to use real garlic clove as it adds more aroma and flavor plus I don't have to buy the powder which costs $1.46 while the garlic clove is only $.10. That means it is another big savings for a thrifty mom like me. Ingredients: sliced bread 1 Tbsp salted butter 1 tsp grated garlic Steps: Melt butter in a saucer. Stir in the grated garlic clove until distributed. Brush the mixture all over the sliced bread. You can use unsalted butter if you wish but salted butter works well for me because I don't have to garnish my bread with salt. Bake/toast in 180 C for 10 minutes. Serve hot! Traditional Garlic Bread uses Italian or French bread, that you slice yourself, thick. Because gluten and me don't get along anymore, I had to step back from those nicely crusty breads. You can use "Texas Toast" bread. It is similar, cut thick, and has a LOT less gluten. The end result tastes almost exactly the same, but no Gluten hassle Have FUN! DearWebby
Liebherr
____________________________________________________ Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think." ___________________________________________________
A couple of the 200 caves in Brazil.
Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but "a*******." (you can fill in the blank).
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 12
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 

1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 

1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 

1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against
the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of
Saints, off Dominica. 

1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 

1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment,
Washington. 

1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 

1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting
America's Civil War. 

1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort
Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops
there. 

1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the
first time by James Alexander Tyng. 

1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the
U.S. to use voting machines. 

1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris
flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 

1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed
at Parrel, Mexico. 

1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting
rights. 

1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a
marriage license was enacted in New York. 

1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin the
strategic bombing of Japan. 

1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank,
the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 

1945 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt died in Warm
Spring, GA. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of
63. Harry S Truman became president. 

1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation
Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk
was "safe, effective and potent." 

1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to
orbit the Earth. 

1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil
rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 

1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape
Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 

1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around the
Falkland Islands. 

1983 Harold Washington was elected the first black mayor of
Chicago. 

1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the
first satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max
satellite to space. 

1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the
previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers
were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 

1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator
to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from
Cape Canaveral, FL. 

1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base
killed 17 people. 

1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the
Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not
unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been
surgically implanted. 

1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to
settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 

1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically
altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 

1988 The Chinese government named a new array of younger
leaders to ensure economic reform. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first
time since World War II. The rationing was prompted by a
sugar shortage. 

1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and
Herzegovina. 

2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in
Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful"
heroin ring. 

2000 Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree
murder and was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had
repeatedly run over Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998
with his car after the two had an argument. 

2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight
Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without a
trial. 

2002 It was announced that the South African version of
"Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that was
HIV-positive. 

2002 JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell
to start the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as
part of the company's centennial celebrations. James Cash
(J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store on April 14,
1902. 

2017  smiled.


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Bent e from Europe 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 11

Dear Carol
You ARE receiving your subscription.
AOL is  censoring and hiding it.
Once your subscription has entered the AOL server, there is
nothing more that I can do about it.
Have FUN!
DerWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Primary school teacher poses as a 13 year old boy 
online and easily gets teenage girls to send him 
naked pictures of themselves. He got the pix and 
just got himself 6 years.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 11 in
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on
March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to
hostilities with Great Britain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "The spirit in which a thing is given determines how the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed." --- Seneca the Younger _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc,it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't get that damn jar open!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hiram lay breathing his last. He rose on one elbow and told the bedside gathering his last wishes, then began recounting financial matters. "Don't forget Samuel owes me $7,000." His wife, Miriam, said, "What a mind the man has, clear as a bell to the very end." "And I owe my partner Sid $210,000 for..." At that point, his wife cut in, "Pay no attention to the poor man's ravings, he's obviously out of his head." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Taylor, 27, Barnet, north London, England, UK Primary school teacher poses as a 13 year old boy online and easily gets teenage girls to send him naked pictures of themselves. He got the pix and just got himself 6 years. The court heard how Taylor, who taught at a south Hertfordshire school, pretended to be a 13 year-old boy on Instagram to befriend the girls, aged between 10 and 15. He then coerced them into sending naked pictures of themselves, which he forwarded to other children, the court heard. Nicholas Taylor, 27, of Barnet, north London, threatened to kill himself if they did not comply, a jury heard. St Albans Crown Court was told that Taylor also forwarded pictures on to other children and girl guides - where he was a leader. Judge Jonathan Carroll described him as every parent's "worst nightmare". The court heard how Taylor, who taught at a south Hertfordshire school, pretended to be a 13 year-old boy on Instagram to befriend the girls, aged between 10 and 15. At an earlier hearing, Taylor pleaded guilty to six counts of inciting a child to engage in sexual activity, two counts of making indecent photographs of a child and one count distributing indecent photographs of a child. He was also made subject to a lifetime sexual harm prevention order. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Euro vis "bent e" Dear Webby On items from Europe I see a symbol that looks like a slightly bent "e", but the same size as a CAP letter. Is that a lazy form for the Euro symbol, or what is it? Ron Dear Ron What you call "bent e" is the "Estimated" symbol. It's a ROUND, not oval "e" with a thin crossbar, straight vertical insides and often the open end appears skimpy or kicked in. An example of it's use would be a package of Lasagna noodles. They are not going to file down a noodle to make the weight of the package exact, and they are not going to throw in a splinter of a noodle for that either. If you read "e 1 kg" then that means that at packing time the noodles weighed approximately 1 Kilogram +/- one noodle. By the time you get them, they will have dried down 10% or more anyway, so that is close enough for Europe. Because Europeans are used to the Estimated sign, never use a small e instead of the Euro sign. It would confuse them to no end. "What does he mean, Estimated 4.95 ? For the Euro, just write it out if your fonts don't have the Euro sign. Have FUN! DearWebby
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now, the preacher knew the mayor, and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and then you can just change tea lights each time you want to have candlelight. By QueenBeeCrafts In case you don't know what a "Tea Light" is, it's those small candles in aluminum foil cups that you see in some restaurants to keep food warm, while it is sitting on the table or on a serving cart. They cost about a dollar for a bag of ten at restaurant suply stores, and about $5 for a bag with 100 of them in it. If you have a choice, get the ones that have a foil covered cork float for holding the wick up. Those you can replenish with melted candle drippings and stubs. If you like the soft glow of a pillar candle with the flame deep down in the crater, make sure you drill an air hole upwards to where the tea light sits. You get a much steadier flame, and you avoid melting down the shell. I have seen fancy and elaborately decorated "Pilgrimage" candles that were two, - maybe three, generations old, and still in fine shape because of an air hole to keep them cool. To reach down and light the wick, use a piece of spaghetti, not a butane BBQ lighter. Have FUN! DerWebby
Turkish man trolls ice cream
____________________________________________________ I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and tired of him. ___________________________________________________
A Frank Lloyd Wright one of a kind house is up for sale.
A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up! Someone is breaking in!" The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house. As the thief was about to leave the man said, "You have to go and meet my wife." The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?" The man explained, "Well, she's been expecting you for twenty years."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 11
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by
the French at the Battle of Ravenna. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns
of Britain. 

1713 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed, ending the War of
Spanish Succession. 

1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on
March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to
hostilities with Great Britain. 

1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John
Stevens. 

1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied
European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. He
was banished to the island of Elba. 

1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 

1876 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was
organized. 

1895 Anaheim, CA, completed its new electric light system. 

1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a
declaration of war with Spain. 

1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared
in effect. 

1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 

1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this day
on KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between Johnny
Ray and Johnny Dundee. 

1901 Construction on the Empire State Building was completed.
The building was dedicated and opened on May 1, 1931. 

1940 Andrew Ponzi set a world's record in a New York pocket
billiards tournament when he ran 127 balls straight. 

1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 

1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur as
head of United Nations forces in Korea. 

1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of
World War II war crimes. 

1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was
disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The
astronauts did return safely. 

1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that
resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 

1984 China invaded Vietnam. 

1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the
earth and moon within one inch. 

1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150
days. 

1999 Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president of Niger.
President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara had been assassinated on
April 9. 

2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S.
surveillance plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since
April 1 on Hainon, where the plane had made an emergency
landing after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter
jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. 

2007 Apple announced that the iTunes Store had sold more than
two million movies. 

2017  smiled.


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How to block mail from Ex 
<B></B>





Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Girl Reports Escaping Kidnapper By Jumping 
From Truck Onto Highway
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 10 in
1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S.
President George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790
into law. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. --- Gore Vidal (1925 - ) Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) The easiest way for your children to learn about money, is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item. Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $1-3 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine",said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity are: 10. Chateau Traileur Parc 9. White Trashfindel 8. Big Red Gulp 7. World Championship Riesling 6. NASCARbernet 5. Chef Boyardeaux 4. Peanut Noir 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. Grape Expectations And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine: 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel). ______________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist up, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs clothes!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up the money, the dice, and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Lee Marble, 50, Napa, California Girl Reports Escaping Kidnapper By Jumping From Truck Onto Highway A California man is facing kidnapping charges after authorities say a 13-year-old runaway jumped out of his moving truck and onto a highway, prompting him to call 911. Timothy Marble, 50, of Napa, reported the girl’s escape about 5:40 a.m. Saturday after he said she fled his vehicle and refused to come out of some bushes, the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office said. Once deputies arrived at the scene in Bodega Bay, the girl emerged covered in road rash. She accused Marble of sexually abusing her, injecting her with meth and scratching his name into her leg with a knife. “His name was still visible for the detectives,” the sheriff’s office said in a release. The child said she met Marble at a Napa gas station early Friday morning after running away from home following an argument with her mother Thursday night. Marble allegedly offered to give her a ride. After accepting the lift but refusing his sexual advances, she reported, he tied her to a tree and sexually assaulted her, the sheriff’s office said. Over the next 24 hours, she told officers, he continued the assaults inside his truck and forced her to take drugs. Deputies took her to a hospital, where she was reunited with her mother. “He has a different side of it, but there’s definitely probable cause in making the arrest,” Sheriff’s Sgt. Spencer Crum told the San Francisco Chronicle. “His accounts of the event differed somewhat. Some corroboration and some distortion.” Marble, who authorities said is a convicted felon with a rap sheet that includes drug charges, was arrested and faces 11 felony counts of sexual acts with a minor, kidnapping and child abuse. He is being held without bail with no attorney listed. Authorities said this is his first sexual assault charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glennis Re: How to block mail from an ex Dear Webby I can't change my email address because of my business, but I need to block mail from my ex. His mails are polite and friendly, not of a harassing type, but I just don't want any more mail from him. He forges different sender addresses, so it's not easy to avoid his mails. What do you suggest? Glennis Dear Glennis Just get MailWasher, from the side menu. Then look at a few of his mails and find something that is common to all of them. With MailWasher you can easily peek at the hidden header stuff, and even if you don't find anything common in the message body, you will easily find something that shows up in all of his letters, but not in legitimate mail. Then make a filter that is triggered by that. Making filters is childishly easy with MailWasher Pro, even fun. Set the filter to delete his mails automatically, without showing them, and you won't ever see them again. With the filters you can have them triggered by many different items. If any of ten different traps recognizes him, his mail gets nuked. To fine tune your filter, you can set it so that it just flags his mail for deletion. That way, if somebody else also uses one of the trigger phrases, you can modify the filter. MailWasher conveniently tells you which of your filters has flagged a piece of mail. Have FUN! DearWebby
According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. Women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crockpot Chicken with Gravy Recipe Total Time: About 5 minutes prep Yield: Serves around 7 or 8 Source: A busy Mom's desperate mind! :) Ingredients: 1 average sized chicken 1/4 cup mesquite seasoning 2/3 cup water 3 Tbsp Cornstarch Steps: Place your chicken in your crockpot. Rub all over with 1/4 cup mesquite seasoning. You may wish to try another, lemon pepper would be great too! :) Believe it or not, you do not need any liquid, it makes it own. It is very tender and moist when done! Cook on high for about 3 hours and 20 minutes. Place your chicken on a serving platter and set in microwave to keep warm till your gravy is done. *You do NOT need to turn microwave on, door being shut will do the trick.:) Using a mesh colander, strain the drippings from the bottom of the crockpot. You just want to remove the solid bits. Pour your strained drippings into a saucepan. Add 3 Tablespoons of cornstarch to 2/3 Cup of cold water and shake well. Add this to your pan. Cook on high whisking constantly for only 2 or 3 minutes. All done!! You will end up with about 2 cups gravy. * You could probably cook this longer on a low setting if you must be gone all day.
daddy-daughter, Tonight You Belong to Me
____________________________________________________ >from Ed The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. ___________________________________________________
Winners of the Smithsonians 14th annual photo contest.
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 10
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces
at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 

1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S.
President George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790
into law. 

1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered
Bavaria. 

1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the
British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication and
exile to Elba. 

1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 

1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights
for $100. 

1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in south
Africa was proclaimed. 

1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in
Georgia along the Tybee River. 

1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender.


1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England. 

1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was
killed by government troops. 

1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to
discuss the reconstruction of Europe after World War I. 

1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby" for the
first time. 

1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 

1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany
with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 13
million votes. 

1938 Germany annexed Austria after Austrians had voted in a
referundum to merge with Germany. 

1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to
prevent Nazi infiltration. 

1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to
recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative for
its workers. 

1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 

1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers
near Berlin. 

1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first
3-D movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio. 

1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko
Shoda. 

1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS
Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 

1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland
with General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 

1971 The American table tennis team arrived in China. They
were the first group of Americans officially allowed into
China since the founding of the People Republic in 1949. The
team had recieved the surprise invitation while in Japan for
the 31st World Table Tennis Championship. 

1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000
people. 

1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other
nations in signing an agreement banning biological warfare. 

1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed
while attempting to land at Basel. 

1974 Yitzhak Rabin replaced resigning Israeli Prime Minister,
Golda Meir. Meir resigned over differences within her Labor
Party. 

1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between
Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 

1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to
the British Parliament. 

1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan
harbors. 

1988 On Wall Street, 48 million shares of Navistar
International stock changed hands in a single-block trade. It
was the largest transaction ever executed on the New York
Stock Exchange. 

1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by
Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut. 

1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The
bomb, set off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three
people and injured 91. 

1992 Outside Needles, CA, comedian Sam Kinison was killed
when a pickup truck slammed into his car on a desert road
between Los Angeles and Las Vegas. 

1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was
assassinated. 

1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time
on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town
of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have
outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their late
stages. 

1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British
ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 

2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted
suicide for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 

2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's
Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional
appointees and assumed all governance in the country. 

2017  smiled.


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XSS-Protection error in Chrome 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man posing as crew member busted at JFK Airport 
with $85K worth of cocaine in suitcase
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 9 in
1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E.
Lee surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General
Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home.
Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and
permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though
there were still Confederate armies in the field, the war
was officially over. The four years of fighting had killed
360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco (1932 - ) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tommy was able to get rid of one of those telephone marketers. The marketer called and was in the middle of giving her spiel about saving money on long-distance. Tommy interrupted her, "Ma'am, I don't need your long distance service because I don't have a telephone." Must have caught her off guard because she said, "Oh, I'm sorry to have bothered you." ------- I have used that too. Telemarketers are usually too stupid to catch on. My main retort, though, is that I can't hear them and that they should email me. MailWasher takes care of them quite nicely, IF, that is IF, they are schmart enough to use email. ______________________________________________________ "Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild." "I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!" "That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite THAT much," says John. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mario Hudson, in jail in NY Man posing as crew member busted at JFK Airport with $85K worth of cocaine in suitcase The traveler may have been inspired by Leonardo DiCaprio in ‘Catch Me if You Can’, but fortunately U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport have seen this movie before. CBP officers intercepted passenger Mario Hudson, a citizen of Jamaica, on March 27, as he was arriving from Kingston, Jamaica. Hudson was dressed in what appeared to be a pilot’s uniform and claimed he was a “dead-heading crew member.” During the baggage inspection, CBP officers discovered that Hudson had what appeared to be two fraudulent Delta Airlines ID badges. During the examination of Hudson’s luggage, CBP officers noticed that the sides and bottom appeared to be unusually thick and heavy. Hudson was escorted to a private search room where his suitcase was probed revealing a white powder that tested positive for cocaine. Hudson was arrested for the import of a controlled substance and was turned over to Homeland Security Investigations. The total weight of cocaine seized was approximately five pounds with an estimated street value of $85,000. Hudson faces federal narcotics smuggling charges and will be prosecuted by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the U.S. Eastern District Court of New York. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brent Re: XSS-Protection error in Chrome Dear Webby What is this XSS-Protection error in Chrome, that pops up when I try to post on a forum or sometimes when I try to do some shopping? It is totally unpredictable, and after filling out a big shopping cart, it dumps the whole thing, irretrievably! How do I get rid of that or fix it? Brent Dear Brent It is a bug in Chrome version 57. Version 58 beta apparently still has the bug too. XSS auditor has been around for a decade, and until version 57, Chrome handled it correctly, then they scrwd it up, but don't know how. There is no practical method yet to get around the bug. Theoretically, you could dump all your tabs, close Chrome, and start it with a command line directive to not use XSS auditor, but that is quite useless, even if it did work, since it too dumps your shoping cart. About all you can do is use FireFox for those sites, where Chrome messes up. FireFox handles XSS auditor correctly. Have FUN! DearWebby
A businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "I'll rent you my 50% and retire on the proceeds."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Ball Point Pen From Leather Try hairspray! I had a blue pen and the ink went on my fingers. I went to push the stool in and it went on the stool. I tried Jif, bleach and alcohol, they all didn't work. When it came to hairspray, it came straight off with just one wipe down. So if you have any leather that has been marked with ink, don't stop and think that it's a scar for life. Let me tell you that hairspray was the best product I ever used! By Olivia from Bexley, NSW My children's school work got wet and the ink transferred to my light beige leather car seats. I could read the school work on my seats. I went to this site quickly before I left for work. I grabbed a few items suggested: alcohol, hairspray, soap and worked on the spots at red lights. Nothing worked. I went into work and someone told me about Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It's by the cleaning products in the store. It worked! No fading. I even tried it on a old rust spot on my sink I could never get out, and it worked. I had to submit this today. By Ami from Shorewood, IL
10 scariest roller coasters
____________________________________________________ >From Ginny Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men said that would cost an additional $45 service fee, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $45. ___________________________________________________
The most expensive fruit in the world.
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 9
0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius
Seversus was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum. 

0715 Constantine ended his reign as Catholic Pope. 

1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the
Poles and the Germans. 

1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed a
peace agreement at Lodi, Italy. 

1667 In Paris, The first public art exhibition was held at
the Palais-Royale. 

1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River and
all lands that touch it for France. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the
Australian continent. 

1833 Peterborough, NH, opened the first municipally
supported public library in the United States. 

1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E.
Lee surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General
Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home.
Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and
permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though
there were still Confederate armies in the field, the war
was officially over. The four years of fighting had killed
360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops. 

1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that
purchased the territory of Alaska by one vote. 

1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 

1870 The American Anti-Slavery Society was dissolved. 

1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk. 

1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South
Africa. 

1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in
Duluth, MN. 

1914 In London, the first full-color film, "The World, The
Flesh & the Devil," was shown. 

1916 The German army launched it’s third offensive during
the Battle of Verdun. 

1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began a
massive assault on Vimy Ridge. 

1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence. 

1921 The Russo-Polish conflict ended with signing of Riga
Treaty. 

1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the production
of "Diamond Lil." 

1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark. 

1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces
were overwhelmed by the Japanese Army. 

1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360
people. The ship was carrying aerial bombs. 

1947 169 people were killed and 1,300 were injured by a
series of tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. 

1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping. 

1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first seven
astronauts. 

1963 Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S.
citizen. 

1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use. 

1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests
for peaceful use. 

1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk a
small Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. The Nissho
Maru's captain and first mate died. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight.


1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support
for guerilla raids illegal. 

1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy
foreign products. 

1987 Dikye Baggett became the first person to undergo
corrective surgery for Parkinson’s disease. 

1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama. 

1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet
Georgia. 

1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in
support of the right to abortion. 

1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R. 

1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in
Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. 

1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, Saudi
Arabia, on last day of the haj pilgrimage. 

1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was
assassinated. Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president
two days later. 

2017  smiled.


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Hot hard drive 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida teacher let boy, 14, 
drive her to Waffle House.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 8 in
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic
Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the
first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a
Protestant state. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. --- Robert Byrne This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "NEXT," the conference emcee announced, "we have the Chief of the Minnesota State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is here with his lovely wife, Beverly." The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, *Audrey*, and try to explain Beverly to her!" ______________________________________________________ >From Cookie I do have the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project. And yes I tackle almost all of them. For example, in my garage are pieces of a lawnmower I once tried to fix. A couple of my neighbors were walking by my house, and found me in the garage attacking my vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate,"I explained when I saw them. Joyce suggested, "Why don't you drag it over to the other side of the garage and show it the remains of the lawnmower?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 123-4567 and ask for Dixie." Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Local Humane Society, about a 4 months old Black Lab pup. ______________________________________________________ Watch out, he may run, or he may ram you! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terra Virgin, 32, Tampa, Floriduh Drunk Florida teacher let boy, 14, drive her to Waffle House. A Tampa teacher is facing serious charges after police said she was drunk and had an unlicensed teen boy driving her around. Terra Virgin was arrested on Sunday and charged with child abuse and neglect. Police said Virgin, 32, was intoxicated and had an open can of beer while in the passenger seat of a Toyota SUV that was stopped on suspicion of DUI at Kennedy Boulevard and Westland Avenue. Officers said the 14-year-old son of Virgin's boyfriend was driving the SUV. The teen does not have a driver's license. Police said Virgin told them she had five beers, was too drunk to drive and was getting the teen to drive her to a Waffle House. Virgin is a math teacher at Freedom High School. She has been a teacher in Hillsborough County since 2013. The boy was transported and released into his father's custody. Virgin bonded out of jail Monday afternoon. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ollie Re: Hot hard drive Dear Webby I opened up my computer to vacuum out the dust bunnies like you had suggested last spring, well better late than never, and I noticed that the hard drive was giving off a lot of heat. It was very hot to the touch. Is that a sign that it will die soon? Ollie Dear Ollie That is quite normal. Today's fast hard drives do run quite warm. If you can touch it and keep your fingers on it for five seconds, it's at normal operating temperature. You could not keep your fingers that long in water that is 60 degrees C (140 F) without yelling. The temperature is probably between 45 C and 55 C. The oil in the bearings is good for 200 degrees C (400 F). I would not worry about that drive. Keep in mind though, sooner or later every hard drive crashes, and then you will really appreciate it if you have a reasonably recent back-up. Have FUN! DearWebby
The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged. "Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "The house does not make doctor calls!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marinade for Making Beef Chuck Blade Tender Even the most "not so tender" cut of meat, such as beef chuck blade can cook so tender you would not know it's chuck. The secret is to marinate the beef chuck over night. Use lee kum kee chicken marinade teriyaki (or similar brand) along with green, orange, yellow, and red bell peppers, one medium white onion, lemon herb, and steak seasoning. Cook with medium-low heat on stove for about 30 to 45 min. Make sure to marinate in a closed container. By Esther
10 scariest roller coasters
____________________________________________________ One of Trina's wedding presents was a toaster oven. After the honeymoon, she and Bernie, her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" Bernie shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" cried Trina a short time later. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual's burned to a crisp." ___________________________________________________
Amazing performer!
A student comes to a young professor after regular office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!" He returns her gaze. "Anything???" "Yes,... Anything!!!" His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... ahhh,..... study???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, on April 8
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 

1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic
Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the
first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a
Protestant state. 

1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left
Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians
in the Black Hawk War. 

1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful
oleomargarine. 

1913 The Seventeenth amendment was ratified, requiring
direct election of senators. 

1935 The Works Progress Administration was approved by the
U.S. Congress. 

1939 Italy invaded Albania. 

1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of
Leningrad. 

1946 The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last
time. 

1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a
nationwide strike. 

1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in
Cuba. 

1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal
disaster. 

1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for
permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 

1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on
political parties. 

1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S.
military bases. 

2002 Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his
insurance company, two insurance adjusters, and several
environmental cleanup contractors. The suit alleged breach
of contract, negligence and intentional infliction of
emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread
through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 

2017  smiled.


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Get rid of n65a 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
'Drunk Lives Matter' T-shirt wearer 
charged with DUI
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 7 in
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In the spirit of the late W. C. Fields: We make fun of people who treat their pets like real children, but, to be fair, once you get the kids neutered or spayed, they DO tend to settle down a bit. ______________________________________________________ >From Dave: I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact). I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child. My fears were alleviated though when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Do it again, Daddy!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Rodney and Bill were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. Bill said, "My wife thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." Not to be out done, Rodney said, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." Confused Bill asked, "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Every night she places a burnt offering before me." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elwood R Gutshall III, 44, Newville, Pennsylvania 'Drunk Lives Matter' T-shirt wearer charged with DUI A man wearing a T-shirt that says "Drunk Lives Matter" was charged with DUI by Newville police. Elwood R Gutshall III, 44, wearing a green St. Patrick's Day T-shirt, was charged March 19 with DUI after police said he committed several traffic violations. His pickup truck was stopped at 12:15 a.m., and his blood alcohol level was found to be 0.217 percent. (0.08 is the limit) He was charged with the highest level of DUI, driving under suspension and traffic violations. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glenn Re: n65 infection Dear Webby I have enjoyed your letter since I first found you back when I had more hair and fewer aches! My new Malwarebytes that I bought says that it is repeatedly (dozens of times per hour) blocking a bad website called "n65a******" that the application c:\windows\sysWOW64\regsvr32.com is trying to contact, that is, that it is blocking the outbound traffic. The application is 20KB. Is this something that I need to keep, or is it spyware? Thank you for your help. Glenn Dear Glenn I used ****** instead of the name of that evil crap, so that the humor letter won't get blocked. That n65 stuff is bad news. Some program you got has a nefarious "payload" and calls ads from that n65 site. I have no idea what program that is, that you are paying for with ads from there. Could be where your cat orders the catnip from. You can search on Google for how to get rid of that. Be careful, though. Some of the sites pretendiung to offer help with that, are decoys for more evil crap. This one seems to be clean: http://www.sitealyzer.net/en/p/sb/remove-n65 adserv.com/ Remove the space I added before adserv. MalwareBytes know it is crap, that is why they are blocking it. Have FUN! DearWebby
KIDS PERSPECTIVE ON ADULT BEHAVIOR You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. --Camille,age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. It just leads to fighting and kids. --Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, depending on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. --Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. --Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. --Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a garbage can. -- Katrina, age 10 Take the garbage out to the curb at night, so that the morning does not start with a fight. -- Peter, age 7 I would build a treehouse for the kids, as far away as possible, for some peace and quiet when I want to cuddle up with my wife on the couch. -- Thomas, age 8 The husband should not start laughing every time the smoke detector goes off in the kitchen and make the wife mad for the rest of the day. -- Barbie If the daddy brings home some flowers, even if they are the weird ones from the cemetery, then the mom forgets what she was going to argue about and they smile and smooch instead. -- Holly
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Magnetic Chalk Board A homemade chalkboard is cheap/easy to make, and fun for children and adults of all ages! Approximate Time: 3 hours + depending on size Supplies: sheet metal (in order to also be magnetic) chalkboard spray paint (available at hardware stores) chalk wooden planks cut to size for a frame (available at a hardware store) electric drill and screws for the frame Instructions: Visit the hardware store for all the supplies that you will need. The friendly people there will cut everything down to the size that you want your chalkboard to be. Remember that the sheet metal is going to be your chalkboard, get it cut larger if you plan on attaching a frame. Follow the directions on the back of the chalkboard spray paint, let it dry before attaching a frame. Remember, it may need several coats. There are several ways to attach a frame to the painted sheet metal, our piece was thin enough that we turned it over and used an electric drill and screwed short screws into the wood, this way they do not show in the front. It looks very professional. A frame is not necessary. Have fun drawing pictures or jotting out quick notes! By Grace from Seattle, WA Peel & Stick whiteboard sheets are from $15 and up, depending on size. You can peel them off if you move or paint the walls and stick them on again later. Have FUN! DearWebby
pvc drums
____________________________________________________ Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a town to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." ___________________________________________________
The Castello di Sammezzano - a Moorish Jewel in Italy.
According to Dave, who is in Ontario, and knows what the Canadian Government is up to, Canada just got an aircraft carrier, the HMCSJeanChrétien. HMCSJeanChrétien, top speed (downstream) 5 knots.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 7
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 

1862 Union General Ulysses S. Grant defeated Confederates at
the Battle of Shiloh, TN. 

1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento,
California. 

1888 P.F. Collier published a weekly periodical for the
first time under the name "Collier’s." 

1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil
reserves in Wyoming. 

1927 The first long-distance TV transmission was sent from
Washington, DC, to New York City. The audience saw an image
of Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover. 

1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State
Building. 

1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 

1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi
Akarit and El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line
against the German army. 

1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest
battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The
fleet was headed for a suicide mission. 

1953 The Big Four met for the first time in 2 years to seek
an end to their air conflicts. 

1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing
Machine. It was IBM's first commercially available
scientific computer. 

1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 

1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of
Yugoslavia for life. 

1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the
coast of Spain. 

1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian
MIGs. 

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws
prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 

1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in
"True Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more
men from Vietnam by December. 

1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and
imposed economic sanctions in response to the taking of
hostages on November 4, 1979. 

1983 Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first Space
Shuttle spacewalk. 

1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports
and cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 

1985 In Goteborg, Sweden, China swept all of the world table
tennis titles except for men's doubles. 

1985 In Sudan, Gen. Swar el-Dahab took over the Presidency
while President Gaafar el-Nimeiry was visiting the U.S. and
Egypt. 

1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on
medium-range nuclear missiles. 

1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms
of a Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began
leaving on May 16, 1988. 

1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted
on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal
government. 

1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the
Norwegian Sea. 

1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five
counts at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later
reversed on appeal. 

1994 Civil war erupted in Rwanda between the Patriotic Front
rebel group and government soldiers. Hundreds of thousands
were slaughtered in the months that followed. 

1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special
election to serve out the remainder of her husband's
congressional term. 

1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border
crossings to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens
Freedom to Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-
era law and allows senior citizens to earn money without
losing Social Security retirement benefits. 

2002 The Roman Catholic archdiocese announced that six
priests from the Archdiocese of New York were suspended over
allegations of sexual misconduct. 

2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test
drop at Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 

2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was
sentenced to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and
kidnappings by security forces. 

2017  smiled.


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How to deal with telemarketers 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 6

Thank you, Lila!

Best wishes for Master Chief Jim. 
His wife Cori wrote me that he was in the hospital for two
heart operations, but is now back home again. He survived
WWII, Korea and Vietnam, and these two operations. 
Master Chief Jim is the oldest subscriber.

Keep him in your thoughts and prayers!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dad reappears several days after 
leaving 6 year old son in the car.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 6 in
1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport
arrived at the Spanish colony of Puerto Rico for supplies
before continuing on their journey. On May 14, they went
ashore and founded Jamestown, Virginia, as the first
permanent English colony in America. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Kati's Science Exam Answers. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, ketchup and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red Light district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight ______________________________________________________ PRAYERS AROUND THE ZODIAC ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience ... and could you do it right now? TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change, but let me keep the old stuff. GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God? CANCER: Dear God!!! Why me? LEO: Yes? Hello God...are you listening to me? VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time. LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best? SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the low-life scum don't deserve it! SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating. CAPRICORN: Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else! AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!! PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Just after the maid had been fired, she took a steak from the fridge and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for cleaning the dishes for me all the time!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darnell Washington, 38, Houston, Texas Dad reappears several days after leaving 6 year old son in the car. Darnell Washington pulled up to an adult bookstore, left the SUV running, and headed inside. Hours passed, and the man never came back. Meanwhile, his six-year-old son remained in the car. According to Click2Houston, six hours went by, and nobody returned for the boy. Even worse, he had nothing to eat or drink. As ABC13 reports, Diamond Hawkins was working at a tattoo shop when he finally saw the child sitting alone in the vehicle: “He was sitting in the truck and I didn't pay much attention because we have a business next door that sells cars. I thought his dad was next door buying a car or something.” Eventually, the owner of the adult bookstore saw the boy walking around the parking lot and went in search of his parents. According to the Houston Chronicle, the owner went inside the tattoo parlor and asked if the child belonged to anyone, but nobody knew who he was. At that point, he and Hawkins knew something was wrong. According to Click2Houston, Hawkins said the young boy couldn't provide them with any information: “He didn’t know where his dad was. He didn’t know where he lived, or his phone number, or anything. We looked for his dad and couldn’t find him anywhere, so somebody called the cops.” Another tattoo shop employee, John Ridley, made sure the boy was comfortable while they waited for the police to arrive. They eventually got the frightened child to talk: "He was really shy at first. He had a little food and we put him in front of the TV and he got accustomed to us. He opened up a bit and told us his name.” When nobody came to pick the six-year-old boy up from the police, he was placed with Texas Child Protective Services. As for Washington, he didn't show back up to the parking lot for several days. When he finally did return, Hawkins said Washington appeared to be more concerned about his vehicle than his son: “He came in and was asking about his car. Wasn't too concerned about the kid but said, 'Hey did you have a car towed, where's my car.'” Washington admitted to police that he was drinking on the day he left his child. He said he had “four shots of whiskey” and “four to five shots of tequila.” He explained that he passed out behind the store in an alley, woke up, couldn't find his child, and passed out again. He eventually found out where the child he left behind was when he called his own father, who let him know the police had him. Mardee Paige was at the tattoo parlor with her best friend celebrating her 70th birthday when the little boy was rescued from wandering around the parking lot. Paige said: “That person in my mind shouldn't have a child. Who knows what would have happened had somebody not brought him over here.” Washington was charged with child endangerment. His court date set for April 11. The young boy is now staying with friends. There was no mention of a mother in any report. She might be dead or in jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Danielle Re: Telemarketers Dear Webby I have been told not to be rude to telemarketers, just in case they are potential clients. I know you have a dangerously wicked sense of humor and have had some good tips about that in the past, but unfortunately I did not save them. What do you recommend? Danielle Dear Danielle Just tell the telemarketer that they should be talking to Farley Marblemouth and to hold on. Then, before they can reply to that, put them on hold. Eventually you'll hear the beeping that indicates a dead line. An alternative is to tell them that you, or whoever they want to talk to are too busy to listen to telemarketers and that they should send an email. They never do. If Call Indicator shows the name of a state, it is forged by a telemarketer. I don't even bother listening to their crap, I hit On/Off faster than they can get one word out. Have FUN! DearWebby
Redneck Manners Entertaining in Your Home a. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. b. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, even if his manners are better than those of your mother-in-law. Dining Out a. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the bouquet of the wine. b. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. Personal Hygiene a. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's own truck keys. b. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. If you live alone, however, deodorant is a waste of good money. c. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. Rules of the Road a. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. b. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. c. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. d. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. e. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle when you are the driver. f. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. Weddings a) Ex-mother-in-laws should not be invited to weddings, unless they are the parole officers of the bride or groom. b) Rifles and handguns are not appropriate wedding gifts. c) When giving a set of towels, tires, milk-crates or hub-caps as wedding gifts, try to pick the same make or color for each piece of the set. d) If the bride is more than 8 months pregnant, it is better to have the wedding after the delivery of the baby, so that the bride can fully enjoy and participate in the wedding brawl.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grease Stains on Suede Shoes By Pamela [1 Comment] I've had luck with removing light grease stains from suede with rubber cement. The kind of rubber cement used in school projects (comes in a brown bottle with it's own brush inside). Of course, test first on a small spot, like the on inside lining. Just brush on a small amount, let it sit for a moment to dry, then rub off the rubber cement with a soft cloth. When stain is gone and suede is dry, use suede brush to fluff up the suede again. Good luck!
Record size bass caught by hand!
____________________________________________________ "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." ___________________________________________________
Very unusual vehicles.
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 6
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the
siege of the castle of Chaluz in France. 

1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport
arrived at the Spanish colony of Puerto Rico for supplies
before continuing on their journey. On May 14, they went
ashore and founded Jamestown, Virginia, as the first
permanent English colony in America. 

1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town,
South Africa. 

1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension
from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at
Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor.

1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon
Church in western New York. 

1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new
low when Mexico would not allow further emigration into
Texas by settlers from the U.S. 

1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in
Tennessee. 

1865 At the Battle of Sayler's Creek, a third of Lee's army
was cut off by Union troops pursuing him to Appomattox. 

1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the
multiple telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time.

1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece.

1903 French Army Nationalists were revealed for forging
documents to guarantee a conviction for Alfred Dryfus. 

1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be
the first men to reach the North Pole. 

1916 Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star in
the world when he signed a contract with Mutual Film
Corporation for $675,000 a year. He was 26 years old. 

1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on
Germany and entered World War I on the winning side. 

1924 Four planes left Seattle on the first successful flight
around the world. 

1927 William P. MacCracken, Jr. earned license number ‘1’
when the Department of Commerce issued the first aviator’s
license. 

1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of
Austria. 

1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia. 

1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's
power be reduced. 

1957 Trolley cars in New York City completed their final
runs. 

1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of
ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam. 

1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and
freed 200 prisoners. 

1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports
of intense ethnic riots in Kosovo. 

1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would
give free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation
exposure to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in
nuclear tests from 1945 to 1962. 

1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart
recipient to be discharged from the hospital. 

1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily
tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among high-risk
women. 

1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles
capable of attacking neighboring India. 

2017  smiled.


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No site that lists ID thefts 
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh mom attacked a teen, took her cell phone 
and ruined her car, bragging on Facebook about 
her actions.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 5 in
1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English 
colonist John Rolfe in Virginia. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) A small town is someplace where everybody knows whose booze is good, and whose wife isn't. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for commiting this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983. ______________________________________________________ Boudreaux found Thibodeaux walking down the levee, looking really down in the dumps. Naturally, he asked Thibodeaux what the problem was. Thibodeaux told Boudreaux, "Well, me and Clothile done had our first fight last night." Boudreaux says, "Aw, dat's too bad. What y'all had a fight about?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I told her a joke about de Pope." Boudreaux says, "Mais, Thib, why did you do that? You knows dat Clothile is Catholic." Thibodeaux replies, "Yah, I knew dat, but I didn't know de Pope was too." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION FOR MY COUSIN, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT THE SAME QUACK WHO DID YOURS." ______________________________________________________ Somebody needs to go on a diet! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernstlatta LaFrance, 30, Carol City, Floriduh Floriduh mom attacked a teen, took her cell phone and ruined her car, bragging on Facebook about her actions. A mother faces multiple charges after police said she went to a South Florida high school during dismissal and knocked the cellphone out of the hand of her daughter’s rival, while hitting the girl several times. But the Monday afternoon confrontation didn’t end there, police said in an arrest report for Ernstlatta LaFrance, 30. When the Carol City High School student went to LaFrance’s nearby townhome to get her phone, the woman broke the teen’s middle finger and destroyed her car with an ax. LaFrance’s partner, Erlisa Evans, 28, stepped outside the home and fired a gun into the air three times, according to an arrest report. She’s now facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and firing a gun into the air. The Miami Herald reports the incident was sparked by an earlier fight between LaFrance’s daughter and a group of girls at the Miami-Dade County Fair & Exposition. LaFrance also posted a video of the fight on Facebook, warning “those messing with her daughter to be aware,” the report said. “The defendant also bragged on Facebook telling the victim that suffering two black eyes was not the end and she would use a gun,” the officer wrote in the arrest report. LaFrance now faces a number of charges including strong- armed robbery, child abuse and aggravated battery and is being held on a $38,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Darrel Re: ID theft announcement site Dear Webby Is there any site i can go to that will tell me if I've been a victim of identity theft? thanks for all your help and humor. darrell Dear Darrel No, there is no such site. The thieves don't report whose data they have stolen. They just use it and sell it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Hand-printed sign nearby: Window frightened.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bean Salsa and Feta Salad By Judy Pariser S. [270 Posts, 1,988 Comments] Trader Joe's had a sampling today of lentil bruschetta feta salad. It was delicious, and I adapted it to what I had at home. The feta was a great find at Dollar Tree. Ingredients: 1 can (16 oz) chickpeas 1/3 jar salsa (I used mild) 1 1/2 oz Feta cheese Steps: Rinse and drain the beans. Place the beans in a bowl. Add a few spoonfuls of salsa until the beans are covered. Gently fold in the feta. Add more salsa at this point if you wish.
Basement replacement
____________________________________________________ lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. was eager to help mother after dad appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to dad who passed it to a guest. came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to dad, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for , who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size." ___________________________________________________
Very unusual vehicles.
* In a Maine restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends." * On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church" * Outside a country shop in West Virginia: "We buy junk and sell antiques." * In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!" * A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: "Do not activate with wet hands." * In a New York restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager." * In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home." * On a Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable." * On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: "No trespassing without permission." * In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center" Must be inspired by the senate!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 5
1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the
Teutonic Knights. 

1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist
John Rolfe in Virginia. 

1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 

1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British
crown colony. 

1869 Daniel Bakeman, the last surviving soldier of the U.S.
Revolutionary War, died at the age of 109. 

1887 Anne Sullivan taught Helen Keller the meaning of the
word "water" as spelled out in the manual alphabet. 

1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 

1892 In New York, the Ithaca Daily Journal published an ad
introducing a new 10 cent Ice Cream Specialty called a
Cherry Sunday. 

1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the
Russians retreated. 

1919 Eamon de Valera became president of Ireland. 

1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first
regular production of balloon tires. 

1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in
India. 

1933 The first operation to remove a lung was performed at
Barnes Hospital in St. Louis, MO. 

1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River
in preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans. 

1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to
death for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 

1953 Jomo Kenyatta was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in
prison for orchestrating the Mau-Mau rebellion in Kenya. 

1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 

1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan
terrorists. The U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in
retaliation on April 15, 1986. 

1989 In Poland, accords were signed between Solidarity and
the government that set free elections for June 1989. The
eight-year ban on Solidarity was also set to be lifted. 

1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the
largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and
Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 

1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988
were handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands
for trial. 270 people were killed in the bombing. 

2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning
struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 

2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket,
prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations
Security Council. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
North Carolina man arrested for killing newborn 
and toddler daughters: BLM
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 4 in
1581 Francis Drake was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I. A few
months earlier he became the first Englishman to
circumnavigate the world. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "OK." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to 'WRITE CLICK' and I wrote 'click'." ______________________________________________________ At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you. Nobody ever gave ME no money or compermising anything." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, free groceries and free rent for the last 16 years, and watch the expression on HIS face!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tillman Freeman III, 30, Fayetteville, North Carolina North Carolina man arrested for killing newborn and toddler daughters: BLM BLM A Fayetteville, North Carolina, mother who had just given birth to a baby girl should have been celebrating her new arrival. Instead, she was frantically trying to find out where her daughter was. Candice Freeman's four-day-old baby, Genesis Freeman, was missing along with her two-year-old sister, Serenity Freeman. The mother went to a doctor's appointment and came home to find her children were gone. She had left them with their father, Tillman Freeman, who was also gone, according to The New York Daily News. Candice Freeman called the police to report her missing children and a search ensued. Tillman was located after employees at a doctor's office in a neighboring town contacted police to “report a man acting suspiciously outside the building.” As ABC7 reports, Tillman was arrested at the scene. He refused to tell police where his daughters were once he was in custody. Tillman was charged with two counts of child neglect and child abuse; but that was just the beginning of the charges the man would come to face. Authorities later found Genesis and Serena's bodies in the woods, in his car. They were both stabbed to death. The reason the children were killed allegedly stems from their father's jealousy. According to WTKR, Tillman believed his wife was cheating on him. According to The Fayetteville Observer, Tillman already has a long rap sheet— he has served time in prison for robbery, assault, and burglary. He was also previously placed on probation for drug and theft charges. Tillman has now been charged with two counts of first degree murder for killing his four-day-old and two-year-old children. He is being held without bail. As for Candice Freeman, she is currently recovering in the hospital. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Terry Re: Blacklist or filters? Dear Webby What is better for controlling spam, blacklisting, or filters? Terry Dear Terry Whenever you spot a pattern, make a filter. Filters are permanent. Your blacklist grows large and unwieldy very quickly, but is usually quite useless, since spammers never re-use the same forged sending address anyway. The only difference you'll notice when you dump your blacklist, is that the program works faster. Filters can work on the body of the email, not just on the usually forged sender address, and they do that no matter how misleading the subject line is. Have FUN! DearWebby
Nancy went into her local hardware store and bought two instant barbeques - the ones with the pictures of succulent foods on the lid. The next day, she returned one of these to the customer service desk at the store complaining that there was no food inside! The assistant patiently told her that these were just barbeque trays and that the food was not supplied with them. "Oh dear" said the lady. "I'd better take the other one out of the freezer then"!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Mineral Deposits from a Tea Kettle By Holly [365 Posts, 1,258 Comments] Best Answer If you have any old lemon juice in the fridge that is too old to be used, boil it in the kettle. Or boil vinegar in the kettle. A couple of soakings, boilings and thorough washings will help. Then use filtered water to keep the pot cleaner. No matter whether you use lemon juice or vinegar, you have to fill up the kettle with it. Right to the top! You don't need a rolling boil, just a gentle simmer for an hour or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
Foot Juggling
____________________________________________________ >From Rose: My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!" ___________________________________________________
Start your week with a smile with animal funnies.
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the rules: To ensure that you won't be courtmartialled and hanged for stealing a ship, make sure the Captain is aboard before getting under way."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 4

0896 Formosus ended his reign as pope. 

1541 Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general of
the Jesuits. 

1581 Francis Drake was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I. A few
months earlier he became the first Englishman to
circumnavigate the world. 

1687 King James II ordered that his declaration of
indulgence be read in church. 

1812 The territory of Orleans became the 18th U.S. state and
later became known as Louisiana. 

1850 The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 

1862 In the U.S., the Battle of Yorktown began as Union
General George B. McClellan closed in on Richmond, VA. 

1887 Susanna M. Salter became mayor of Argonia, KS, making
her the first woman mayor in the U.S. 

1902 British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his
will that would provide scholarships for Americans to Oxford
University in England. 

1905 In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 

1914 The first known serialized moving picture opened in New
York City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 

1917 The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I on the
Allied side. 

1918 The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British
against the German Army ended. 

1932 After five years of research, professor C.G. King, of
the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 

1945 At the end of WWII Hungary was liberated from Nazi
occupation. 

1945 At the end of World War II, U.S. forces liberated the
Nazi death camp Ohrdruf in Germany. 

1949 Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North
Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1953 Fifteen doctors were released by Soviet leaders. The
doctors had been arrested before Stalin had died and were
accused of plotting against him. 

1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 

1967 Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned
three weeks later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week. 

1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of
39. 

1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary
artificial heart. 

1971 Veterans stadium in Philadelphia, PA, was dedicated
this day. 

1973 In New York, the original World Trade Center twin
towers opened. At the time they were the tallest building in
the world. 

1975 More than 130 people, most of them children, were
killed when a U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating
Vietnamese orphans crashed just after takeoff from Saigon. 

1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was
executed. He had been convicted of conspiring to murder a
political opponent. 

1981 Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American
elected mayor of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio,
TX. 

1983 At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took
off on its first flight. It was the sixth flight overall for
the shuttle program. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on
chemical weapons. 

1985 In Sudan, a coup ousted President Nimeiry and replaced
him with General Dahab. 

1986 Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of
the season. 

1987 The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a
U.S. Embassy. 

1988 Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by
the Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting
state funds to his auto business and of trying to impede an
investigation into a death threat to a grand jury witness. 

1990 In the U.S., securities law violator Ivan Boesky was
released from federal custody. 

1991 Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were
killed when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over a
schoolyard in Merion, PA. 

1992 Sali Berisha became the first non-Marxist president of
Albania since World War II. 

1994 Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was
founded. 

1995 U.S. Senator Alfonse D'Amato ridiculed judge Lance Ito
using a mock Japanese accent on a nationally syndicated
radio program. D'Amato apologized two days later for the
act. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 3

We got a blizzard going on right now. Three inches of snow
and getting deeper. We are supposed to get our first rain of
the year on the weekend, almost an inch. That will wash away
the winter's dust.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Atlanta man arrested for arson, 
that destroyed major overpass.
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 3 in
1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and
Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days.
The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is always a well-known solution to every human problem--neat, plausible, and wrong. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Liz I got a message that there had been a call from "Josh" at the bank regarding my account. So, I called my bank and the operator asked me what Josh's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his last name. When she asked for his department, I said that I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, Sir!," she told me rather sharply. So I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we're not allowed to give last names." "Well, in that case," I replied, "tell the Josh with no last name and no department to send me an email." And hung up. ------------ Sounds like my bank used to be. Now they have some Taliban playing stupid and being useless. When they call me I tell them I can't hear them, and that they should send me an email. They never do. They always figure out their problem without my help. That seems to be easier than finding somebody, who knows how to send an email. ______________________________________________________ On a flight I was on, this elderly woman kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the wing tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Billy-Bob and Bubba were driving a semi down a road when they came to an overpass. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 12 feet high. They didn't know what to do, when finally Bubba looked in both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, let's go for it!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Basil Eleby, 39, Atlanta, Georgia Basil Eleby Charged With First-Degree Arson in Atlanta blaze The man accused of starting a massive fire that collapsed a crucial stretch of highway north of downtown Atlanta has been charged with arson. Basil Eleby, 39, was in court Saturday to face charges of first-degree arson and first-degree criminal damage to property in connection with the Thursday blaze, which caused an elevated portion of Interstate 85 to crumble. Eleby Has an Extensive Criminal History & Was Previously Arrested 19 Times Eleby, who remains in Fulton County Jail on a $200,000 bond, was arrested Friday along with Sophia Bruner and Barry Thomas, both of whom were charged with criminal trespass. "We believe they were together when the fire was set and Eleby is the one who set the fire," Jay Florence, deputy commissioner of the state Department of Insurance, told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Investigators believe the trio may be homeless. The inferno broke out during rush hour Thursday, quickly devouring construction materials that had been stored underneath the overpass. At around 7 p.m. ET, the bridge gave way in a flaming heap that spewed thick, black smoke that could be seen from miles away. Russell R. McMurry, the commissioner of the Georgia Department of Transportation, said Friday the fire was started in an area used as a storage location for "surplus construction materials," such as polyvinyl chloride (PVC) piping. McMurry said it would take several months to rebuild. "That is no small feat," he told reporters Friday, "but we're up to the challenge." The U.S. Department of Transportation has released $10 million in emergency release funds to the state to kick- start the rebuilding process. No one was injured in the bridge collapse, authorities said Friday. But the dramatic incident snarled traffic around one of the busiest stretches of roadway in America, and Gov. Nathan Deal declared a state of emergency for Fulton County. "This is about as serious a transportation crisis as we can imagine," Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed said late Thursday as commuters scrambled to find new routes home. Officials have said more than 225,000 vehicles pass through the affected area on an average weekday. Authorities do not know how or why Eleby started the fire. Florence said details would be released as the investigation goes forward. Those overpasses are a semi-sanctioned suburb for the homeless, just like in many major cities. To get the homeless out of the business and residential areas, they are tolerated under the overpasses and not hassled there. The problem is that there is no garbage pick-up and a lot of flammable material accumulates. Eleby was observed setting a big, stuffed chair on fire, and that in turn set the stacks of PVC pipes on fire. It is not known yet whether Eleby had planned to use the chair to set the piping on fire, or whether he just wanted to burn the chair. Quite likely this incident will cause many major cities to reconsider allowing their overpasses to be used as sanctuary suburbs for the urban campers to keep them out of residential and commercial areas, and if they should conduct occasional clean-up and garbage pick-up in those areas. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: PDF editor Dear Webby On my last machine I used to have a nice PDF editor, but that is gone with that old hard drive. I wasted a day trying to find that one or one like it, but now they all are just phony crap, pretending to be free, but then demanding $60 or more if you want to actually use them. Plus, they are crap that I would not pay $5 for. All I need is something to fill out the occasional forms because my handwriting is getting a bit jittery. Isn't there a good alternative out there? Elvira Dear Elvira There sure is! Yes, all the PDF editors advertised as "Free Download" are indeed phony crap. And I agree, I would not pay $5 for any of them either, never mind $60 or $90 or even more. I use Nitro READER, and have for many years. It is not advertised, just word of mouth from friend to friend. Nitro READER is not just for reading or for form filling. I have even used it for converting ordinary huge docs docs to eBooks. Nitro also works the other way around. You can convert a PDF file to a Word document! You can get it at Nitro You can create PDFs from virtually any Windows application and from over 300 formats. Drag and drop files to instantly create a PDF. Customize your PDFs with tools like custom colors, font- embedding, page size, orientation and output quality or keep it simple with preset options. Convert to plain text Extract images and tons more. They do have a PRO version, but most likely you will be quite pleasantly surprised with the free version. Have FUN! DearWebby
, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?", asked. The woman glanced at s shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. " No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" By this time she was shouting. asked, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," asked, "I might have a word with George?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Smoke Off Walls Kitchen fires, candles and other occurrences can leave smoke residue on your walls. This is a guide about cleaning smoke off walls. By likekinds [244 Posts, 1,143 Comments] I can tell you how I would do it. First, I would get a fan large enough to keep the area well ventilated, place it where it is most effective and turn it on. Next, I would fill a large, clean, empty spray bottle with household ammonia. Add nothing to the ammonia, certainly not bleach. Any type of cleanser added would just cause you to have to rinse and would not improve the effectiveness of the ammonia. With plenty of clean rags handy, start spraying the ammonia at the bottom most area of smoke damage. You will quickly learn just how much to spray and how many seconds to wait before wiping. It needs to stay on the wall 2-3 seconds, but not long enough to run down the wall. From this point, work your way up the wall, either rinsing your rag in clear water often or switching to an unused one. How much ammonia, time and labor is involved depends on the amount of damage. Other suggestions were to use Spray9 or Grease Lightning.
Foot Juggling
____________________________________________________ On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it that said: "Broken." A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building. "What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter and snapping a picture with his phone. "There's plenty of time left!" ___________________________________________________
Start your week with a smile with animal funnies.
John was talking to George "So, George, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," George shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 3

1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida.
He had sighted the land the day before. 

1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 

1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and
Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days.
The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 

1865 Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond,
Virginia. 

1866 Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking
and shaping machine for hats. 

1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back
and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was
later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James
that had been killed. 

1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North
America was climbed. 

1936 Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping
and death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. 

1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S.
and Filipino troops at Bataan. 

1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander
responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed in the
Philippines. 

1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to
revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16
countries. 

1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be
brainwashing American prisoners and started experimenting
doing the same. 

1968 Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "mountaintop"
speech just 24 hours before he was assassinated. 

1968 North Vietnam agreed to meet with U.S. representatives
to set up preliminary peace talks. 

1972 Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a twenty-
year absence. 

1979 Jane Byrne became the first female mayor in Chicago. 

1983 It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had
overrun a key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 

1984 Col. Lansana Konte became the new president of Guinea
when the armed forces seized power after the death of Sekou
Toure.

1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva
Convention by deporting Shiite prisoners. 

1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 

1987 Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to
Santiago, Chili. 

1996 An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron
Brown crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 

1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He
pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in
exchange for a life sentence without chance for parole. 

2010 The first Apple iPad was released. 

2017  smiled.


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Investment advice via email 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 2

Thank you, Judy!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado woman locked young children in 
bedroom at home while she was away in 
North Carolina
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, April 2 in
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish ships were
destroyed by the British fleet at the Battle of Copenhagen. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you. --- Frank Wilczek (1951 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A big, burly man visited his pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. "Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400." "How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?" The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm Jacob Schwartz, the landlord," he sobbed. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Nothing gets past these guys. A Harvard School of Public Health survey found that people report more noise and other disruptions in binge-drinking college neighborhoods than in other neighborhoods. And a $4 million study by University of Buffalo Research Institute on Addictions revealed that employees are much more likely to call in sick if they have drunk alcohol the night before. $4 million! No kidding? I could have told them that for free. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kanesha Godin, 25, Fountain, Colorado Colorado woman locked young children in bedroom at home while she was away in North Carolina A woman faces two counts of felony child abuse after she allegedly left her two young children locked in a bedroom while away on a trip. It’s unclear exactly how long Kanesha Godin, 25, was away from the two children, but police say they were malnourished when they were discovered. The Fountain Police Department says it was called to the home in the 100 block of Wellington Street on March 8 after a friend of Godin’s discovered the children weren’t being cared for. Police say Godin claimed that she had arranged for a friend to check on the children while she was gone, to feed them and to change their diapers. She claimed that she had told the friend that a neighbor would be caring for the children day and night as well, according to the police department. But the friend eventually discovered that there was no neighbor checking on the children and called police. The bedroom in which the children were locked up had no working light and the temperature on the thermostat was turned up to 90. There was feces and urine all over the place as well as soiled diapers. Officers obtained an arrest warrant for Godin on Tuesday, and she turned herself in. According to El Paso County jail records, her bond was set at $25,000 but she also has two active duty Fort Carson holds. Godin is a Fort Carson soldier. The North Carolina native has been with the military for more than seven years. According to the arrest affidavit, Godin texted the woman who was feeding the children, "The police officers in fountain r guna ask u questions. They r guna put me in jail. I need u to do me a favor. I know wat I told u as far as the kids but plz say tht u were confused about who was supposed to stay the night. Cus if u dont say tht Im guna be charged with child neglect. And Cynthia actin shady af. They are guna take the kids. Erase these messages." The neighbor named by Godin told police that she had not seen the children since December 2016. She said that Godin did not ask her to babysit the children although she had babysat them in the past and she thought they were with their father. Godin had been estranged from the father of the kids for 16 months. The neighbor showed police a text that Godin sent her on March 9, "I need u to do me a favor. I need u to vouch as my daytime sitter. They r guna take my kids and throw me in jail and I did nothing wrong. I kno it’s weird and a lot but I just want to ask u tht favor." Police did not say how old the children were or how long Godin was gone from her home. When her commanding officer found out about the kids he texted her and ordered her to get back from North Carolina with the next plane and turn herself in to the police immediately. She is due in court March 16. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosanna Re: Investment advice via email Dear Webby I received some investment advice in the email that warned that the US dollar ....... Rosanna Dear Rosanna No, of course not. You should not believe a word you read in spam. That's just moron bait. He is just trying to con you into bad investments and trying to get rid of what he is stuck with. Dump it! You get better investment advice from a penny scale. Right now it would be best to just double your money. Fold it in half and stick it back into your wallet, or invest it in your own business. Pay off loans, buy tools, equipment and supplies. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thoughts on Marriage NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands? SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands! A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this? NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner? SPOUSE: Sure, what are my choices? NEWLYWED: Yes and no. DIET DEFINITION: The word 'stressed' makes perfect sense when you realize it is 'desserts' spelled backwards. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Meatless Quiche Recipe Quiche can be an easy meal to make if a visitor turns out to be a vegetarian. By Donna [396 Posts, 403 Comments] Total Time: 1hour 15 minutes Yield: 2 pies Ingredients: 2 pre made pie crusts (the roll out ones in the refrigerated section were great size to make a nice edge and they tasted better than the frozen ones! 1 1/2 cup half and half 8 eggs 1 can of 'cream of' soup (I have used cream of celery, cream of mushroom and cream of brocolli on different occasions) 1/2 cup various cut up veggies (Celery, carrots, onions, red or green pepper, mushrooms, broccoli) 1/4 cup flour 1 cup shredded cheese (cheddar, swiss or your favorite) salt and pepper 1/4 tsp garlic salt (optional) 1/8 tsp tumeric or your favorite spices (optional) Note: I added some mushrooms to one of my pies and not the other and sprinkled paprika on top to differentiate the two. Feel free to add your favorite veggies and spices to your recipe for your guests tastes! Steps: Cut up your choice of veggies and dredge in flour. Add to the bottom of the uncooked pie crusts. Mix together the eggs, half and half and creamed soup. Pour on top of the floured veggies. Cover the edges of your pie crust with aluminum foil so it doesn't burn Bake in a 425 degree oven for 45 minutes. Remove the aluminum foil from the edges and bake 15 minutes longer (or until brown) Let it rest a while and it will condense somewhat. Enjoy!
Lightning hits car in Morocco
____________________________________________________ The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us." The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked. The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again." ___________________________________________________
A Panda day care center.
>From Len, many years ago: The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do, ... Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was s tarting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'." Len, if you read this, send an email!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 2
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida.
The next day he went ashore. 

1792 The U.S. Congress passed the Coinage Act to regulate
the coins of the United States. The act authorized $10
Eagles, $5 Half Eagles, $2.50 Quarter Eagle gold coins,
silver dollars, dollars, quarters, dimes and half-dimes to
be minted. 

1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish ships were
destroyed by the British fleet at the Battle of Copenhagen. 

1860 The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 

1865 Confederate President Davis and most of his Cabinet
fled the Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 

1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered
streetcar. 

1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 

1902 The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles
with the name Electric Theatre. 

1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel
went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 

1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial
synthesis of rubber. 

1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration
of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 

1932 A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles
and Anna Lindbergh. He child was not returned and was found
dead the next month. 

1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. 

1944 The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed
the Prut River and entered Romania. 

1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as
trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 

1958 The National Advisory Council on Aeronautics was
renamed NASA. 

1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that
proclaimed the country an independent state within the
French community.

1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first non-
violent campaign in Birmingham, AL. 

1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue
and Da Nang for an end to military rule. 

1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against
Mao foe Liu Shao-chi. 

1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine.


1981 In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed
during fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was
the worst violence since the 1976 cease fire. 

1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands.
The following June Britain took the islands back. 

1983 The New Jersey Transit strike that began on March 1
came to an end. 

1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when
they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 

1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb
exploded under a seat killing four Americans. 

1987 The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was
increased to 65 miles per hour in limited areas. 

1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader,
survived a coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked
by Avril's U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate
half of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a
conspiracy against Iraq. 

1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder
and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 

1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a
political and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the
two former Soviet republics. 

1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at
the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union
leader who became Poland's first post-war democratic
president. 

2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity.
More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church
when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 

2014 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total
amount of money individuals can give political candidates
and political action committees were unconstitutional. 

2017  smiled.


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Are more MegaPixels better? 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 1

At noon today the Internet will be shut down for annual
clearing of lost files. Turn your machine off before that to
avoid crashing your computer. Don`t turn it back on until
you get an email telling you it is safe.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Australian law professor pretends to be Justin Bieber 
and cons 200 girls into sex and pornography
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 31 in
1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation.

See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- Franklin P. Jones The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a really ancient classic from the days before the Internet: 'Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18-year-old daughter. After the wedding, my father came to visit a number of times, and suddenly he fell in love with my step-daughter. My father eventually married her without my authorization. As a result, my step-daughter legally became my step-mother and my father my son-in-law. My father's wife (also my step- daughter) and my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my step-daughter's wife. This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father. All at once, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father's wife. Therefore, it appears that I am also my wife's grandchild. A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father's brother-in-law, the step-son of my father's wife, and my uncle. My son is also my step-mother's brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather. In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following: Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father's son-in-law, and my step-mother's brother fulfill the requirements for receiving childcare benefits? ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Saba was telling the little ones of how it was when he was a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's immigrant ghetto. "When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a radio. So our dad bored a hole through the wall into the neighbor's living room to hear all the great boxing fights. That's when we discovered that they didn't have a radio either." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gordon Douglas Chalmers, 42, Australia Australian law professor pretends to be Justin Bieber and cons 200 girls into sex and pornography About 200 girls think 42-year-old Gordon Douglas Chalmers on a fake Bieber page oin FaceBook is Justin Bieber. They skype with him and meet him for sex and they can’t tell the difference. He’s atually a law professor in Brisbane, Australia. Among the victims of the sickening scam are reportedly 50 American, 20 British, and six Australian children who sent nude photos of themselves and, in several cases, managed to meet the perpetrator, who pretended to be the Beeb, for sexual encounters or photo sessions. The impersonator, a 42-year-old law professor named Gordon Douglas Chalmers, Australian media outlets report, has just been charged with 931 child-sex offenses, including rape, assault, and soliciting pedophilic pornography from 157 fans in the name of the pop star. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Do more pixels indicate a better camera? Dear Webby Do more pixels indicate a better digital camera? Betty Dear Edith Dear Betty No, not at all. A 2 or 3 Megapixel Canon will make MUCH better pictures than for example a 6 Megapixel HP. The biggest difference is made by the quality and size of the lenses, second is how straight the light hits the CCD inside that translates light into electricity, third is how well that analog electricity is converted to a digital picture, fourth is how deep and how large each CCD pixel is, and finally in fifth place is the number of pixels. None of that is explained in the sales hype, and very few salespeople have a clue about that. If they brag about Megapixels, take that as proof that they are totally clueless. If a salesperson tells you that the optics are made in the same factory as for example the optics for Canon professional film type cameras, and how important a large lens is, then you have found somebody who knows the stuff, and who probably is an advanced photographer. Those people will likely try to talk you into the camera that THEY want to buy for themselves. Depending on your budget, scale back from that, but in the same line. Don't hesitate getting last years model in a good line. It will produce nicer pictures than current HP or Kodak, and cost considerably less. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Tina When my husband, Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to our insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through the chore. When she asked, "What are the age and make of the vehicle?" Mark replied, "It's a '75 Ford." Apologetic about its des- perate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil." Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark. "Mr. Evans, no matter what I try," she explained, "but the computer can't find a Ford Fossil."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Moss Growing on Bricks This is a guide about removing moss growing on bricks. Moss can make brick paths and driveways very slippery. They need to be cleaned for safety. By Sandi/Poor But Proud [561 Posts, 2,340 Comments] Go to the Dollar Tree or any other places to by cheap laundry detergent. Sprinkle it liberally on the moss and mold, and in three to five days, it will start to turn brown. At that point, you can brush it off with a stiff push broom or a strong spray nozzle. I have done this for years, and it works. Also good for soaking up oil spills in garages, and smells better than cat litter.
Don't mess with the Queen's guard
____________________________________________________ "I understand, Doctor, that many husbands snore," said the young wife, "but you've got to help me stop mine. He's a ventriloquist and snores on both sides of me at the same time!" ___________________________________________________
A Panda day care center.
Lorne McGinty was looking for a gift for a friend of his. Everything he saw in the store was too expensive. Then he came across a glass vase that had been broken, which could be purchased for next to nothing. The tightwad asked the store clerk to send the gift, hoping his friend would think that the vase had been broken during transit. A couple of weeks later, he received an acknowledgment for the gift. "Thanks for the vase," read the card. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on April 1

0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 

1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in
Holland and captured the small town of Briel. 

1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation.


1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty
with Native Americans. 

1724 Jonathan Swift published Drapier's letters. 
 
1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 

1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the
"$" symbol. 

1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about
53,000. 

1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 

1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire
fighters a regular salary. 

1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in
the U.S. 

1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James
Batterson by the Travelers Insurance Company. 

1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen.
Robert E. Lee began his final offensive. 

1867 Blacks voted in the municipal election in Tuscumbia,
AL. 

1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 

1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown
colonies. 

1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova
Scotia killing 547. 

1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 

1881 Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 

1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in
Chicago). 

1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 

1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago,
IL. The company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 

1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony
of Kenya. 

1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 

1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal
Air Force. 

1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for
high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 

1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 

1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by
His Master's Voice. 

1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 

1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 

1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude
record for a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the
Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles, CA. 

1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing
2,000. 

1931 Jackie Mitchell became the first female in professional
baseball when she signed with the Chattanooga Baseball Club.


1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by
boycotting Jewish businesses. 

1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced.


1937 Aden became a British colony. 

1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps
were introduced. 

1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at
end of Spanish civil war. 

1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was
the last campaign of World War II. 

1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 

1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands
killing more than 170 people. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 

1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory
under Italian administration. 

1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review"
by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 

1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 

1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather
satellite. 

1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended
their strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers.
The strike ended 114 days after it began on December 8,
1962. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My
Lai massacre. 

1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold
ownership. 

1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their
offensive in South Vietnam. 

1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 

1976 Apple Computer began operations. 

1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by
Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini after the Shah was kicked out. 

1980 A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice-
premier Tariq Aziz occurred. 

1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 

1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 

1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the
Irish Sea. 

1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the
world. The walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia,
"We've declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 

1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5
years. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be
barred from serving due to their race. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 

1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history
of the National Hockey League (NHL). 

1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual
harassment lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying
that the claims fell "far short" of being worthy of a trial.


1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced
to death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of
the killings occurred in a 6-month period. 

1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was
carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories
and covered about 772,000 square miles. 

2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S.
surveillance plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an
emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a
Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and
presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April 11, 2001.

2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was
arrested on corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with
the police at his Belgrade villa. 

2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its
west coast. 

2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims
of Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus
during an assault on a pregnant woman. 

2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of
its 188 stores on April 9. 

2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty
Organization (NATO). 

2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to
physicians by 21%. 

2017  smiled.


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Real portrait for resume 
<B></B>




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support 
for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Alabama Arrestee so loose he defecates gun 
into his shorts 
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 31 in
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain 
issued the Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were 
unwilling to convert to Christianity.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) "If you would persuade, you must appeal to interest rather than intellect." --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being--a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Can I help you choose what kind of puppy to buy?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Today's reading is from the Book of Corporate Life, Chapter 1, verses 1-15: 1. In the beginning was the Plan. 2. And then came the Assumptions. 3. And the Assumptions were without form. 4. And the Plan was without Substance. 5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. 6. And the Workers spoke among themselves saying, "It is a crock of crap and it stinks." 7. And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a crock of dung and we cannot live with the smell." 8. And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." 9. And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." 10. And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." 11. And the directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful." 12. And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "It has very powerful effects." 13. And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. 14. And the Plan became Policy. 15. And that is how crap happens. ______________________________________________________ 2017 Superbloom in Death Valley ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jesse Roberts, 23, Elkmont, Alabama Alabama Arrestee so loose he defecates gun into his shorts An Alabama man being booked into jail for public intoxication had a stolen handgun hidden in a certain body cavity, according to police who noticed that the defendant was walking “strangely” upon arrival at the county jail. Jesse Roberts, 23, was collared early today by cops responding to a 911 call about a prowler near a residence in Elkmont, a town outside Huntsville. Seen above, Roberts was arrested and transported to the Limestone County jail, where corrections officers took notice of his odd gait. As Roberts was being searched, an unloaded Jimenez Arms .380-caliber pistol fell from his rear end into his underwear. “I immediately considered that he defecated on himself before noticing a familiar shape in the form of a pistol in his boxers,” a jailer noted in a report, according to Sheriff Mike Blakely. Upon recovering the unloaded weapon from Roberts’s drawers, cops determined that the $100 handgun had been reported stolen out of Florence, a city 50 miles away. Along with a misdemeanor public intoxication rap, Roberts is facing charges for receiving stolen property, introducing contraband into a correctional facility, and carrying a concealed weapon without a permit. Roberts is locked up in lieu of $7250 bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Portrait for Resume in California Dear Webby I am pretty good with Selfies that look OK on Facebook, but they are NOT the quality I need for a resume. I am not loking for a freebie with a cheap phone, but a real, professional, high resolution glamor shot. I am willing to spend a bit to get a decent glamor shot for a fancy resume. If I get this job, the cost of that portrait will be paid for in a day. Edith /i> Dear Edith The ideal photographer for you would be Karen Vaisman. I have known Karen since the early 90's, when we used to go on PowWow cruises and argued a lot. Just go to Karen and see the difference a real, professional photographer can make. Karen has various other sites too, but that one is a good introduction. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" And the man said, "I was looking for my father."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Socks Together If you are tired of lonely socks, attach pairs of socks with a safety pin before putting them in the washer. Even better, pin them together when you take them off and toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. The best safety pins are diaper safety pins which are less likely to snag and damage other clothing.
Impossible driving test
____________________________________________________ A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee!" ___________________________________________________
I need to go thrift store shopping!
SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE Building a campfire is easy… just follow these sixteen steps (in order): Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. Bandage left thumb. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments. Bandage left foot. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand). Light Match. Light Match. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. Apply burn ointment to nose. When fire is burning, collect more wood. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. Relabel can to read "gasoline." When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on March 31
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the
Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert
to Christianity. 

1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military
action in Crimea. 

1831 Quebec and Montreal were incorporated as cities. 

1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with
Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to
American trade. 

1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place
at Island 10 on the Mississippi River. 

1870 In Perth Amboy, NJ, Thomas Munday Peterson became the
first black to vote in the U.S. 

1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely
illuminated with electric light. 

1885 Binney & Smith Company was founded in New York City.
The company later became Crayola, LLC. 

1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 

1900 The W.E. Roach Company was the first automobile company
to put an advertisement in a national magazine. The magazine
was the "Saturday Evening Post". 

1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing
the workday for women and children to 11 hours. 

1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-
Revolutionaries with the arrests of 72 people and the
seizing of two printing presses. 

1902 In Tennessee, 22 coal miners were killed by an
explosion. 

1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the
British. 

1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to
support an independent state of Morocco. 

1906 The Conference on Moroccan Reforms in Algerciras ended
after two months with France and Germany in agreement. 

1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike
to await a wage adjustment. 

1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-
Herzegovina. 

1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin
Islands from Denmark for $25 million. 

1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of
the thousands of coal miners on strike. 

1923 In New York City, the first U.S. dance marathon was
held. Alma Cummings set a new world record of 27 hours. 

1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 

1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany
threatened invasion. 

1940 La Guardia airport in New York officially opened to the
public. 

1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 

1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 

1948 The Soviets in Germany began blocking the Western
trains headed toward Berlin. 

1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only
thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 

1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its
10th province. 

1958 The U.S. Navy formed the atomic submarine division. 

1960 The South African government declared a state of
emergency after demonstrations led to the death of more than
50 Africans. 

1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in
New York City. They eventually defeated the US military at
home.

1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the
first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 

1970 The U.S. forces in Vietnam down a MIG-21, it was the
first since September 1968. 

1976 The New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that Karen Anne
Quinlan could be disconnected from a respirator. Quinlan
remained comatose until 1985 when she died. 

1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry.


1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian
terrorists were killed after hijacking an airplane on March
28. 

1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727
crashed in Los Angeles. 

1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 

1991 Albania offered a multi-party election for the first
time in 50 years. Incumbent President Ramiz Alia won. 

1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk
from Kurdish guerillas. 

1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of
Australopithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The
finding is of humankind's earliest ancestor. 

1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on
Yugoslavia. 

2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to
a doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration
of the Ten Commandments, at more than 900. In Kanungu, a
March 17 fire at the cult's church killed more than 530 and
authorities subsequently found mass graves at various sites
linked to the cult. 

2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a
free e-mail service called Gmail. 

2016 Apple released the iPhone SE. 

2017  smiled.


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How often should Windows 7 be rebooted? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 30
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man drives drunk in the wrong direction of the road, 
urinates on himself twice
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 30 in
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched
into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy, and
really hated the decimal metric system.

 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. --- Henrik Tikkanen "He who boasts of his ancestry is praising the deeds of another." --- Seneca the Younger ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one paramedic asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. He slowly turned back to the paramedic and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A ten-year-old girl asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the girl approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian. The girl thanked her and went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk, looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it." she said. "What book are you looking for, honey?" the librarian asked. And the little girl said, "Tequila Mockingbird." ______________________________________________________ Old WhitePass wall calendar. They have a different picture every year. 2013 is one of my favorites. I used to collect them since the 70`s but left all the ones prior to 2000 in the Yukon when I moved to Alberta. You can order them. Keep in mind, they are BIG, poster size wall calendars! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robbie Charles Watson, 55, Alachua, Florida Man drives drunk in the wrong direction of the road, urinates on himself twice After being pulled over for driving drunkenly on the wrong side of a highway, a Newberry man urinated his pants in front of a police car, Alachua Police said. Robbie Charles Watson, 55, was driving north in the southbound lanes of State Road 25 in Alachua when a police car tried to pull him over at about 12:14 a.m., according to an arrest report. He pulled over in the median before driving off to a Sunco parking lot, at 11921 NW U.S. Highway 441. An officer noticed Watson had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech, according to the report. Watson had also urinated in his pants. When officers asked Watson for documents, he couldn’t follow directions and gave police the wrong documents multiple times, police said. He was unsteady and leaned against his car for support, a responding officer noted. Watson was unable to complete field sobriety exercises, according to the report. After officers placed him in front of a police car, he urinated in his pants again, according to the report. Watson refused to submit to a breathalyzer test, and a jail nurse told police he had to be taken to a hospital, police said. At about 5:50 a.m., Watson was cleared by the hospital and brought back to the Alachua County Jail, according to the report. When police asked him to sign a criminal citation, Watson refused even after officers told him refusal would be a misdemeanor. Police arrested him on charges of driving under the influence and refusing to sign a criminal citation. Watson was released from jail on his own recognizance Tuesday morning. He could not be reached for comment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Reboot how often ? Dear Webby How often should a computer with Windows 7 be rebooted? Chris /i> Dear Chris That depends entirely on what you have on it. If the machine is near stock, with Malwarebytes on it, and just used for business, with spreadsheets, word processors, databases and normal Internet access for bill paying and shopping, then once a week is plenty. If the machine has Norton on it, and a dozen tweaks and utilities and toolbars and similar stuff, then once an hour is good, unless it crashes before then. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jane went to the bank and applied for a loan. "I want a loan, I'm going to divorce my husband." "Oh, we don't give loans for divorces" the manager says "We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements...." Jane interrupts and says "Well, this is certainly a 'Home Improvement.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pressure Cooker Pea Soup By Judy Pariser S. [269 Posts, 1,925 Comments] Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 55 minutes Yield: 9 cups Source: Budget Bytes Soup in 45 minutes with no standing over the stove watching! Ingredients: 1 yellow onion, diced 3 carrots, cut in thin rounds 3 ribs celery, cut in small pieces 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 lb split peas 2 Tbsp oil 1 bay leaf 1/2 Tbsp paprika 1/4 tsp thyme salt and pepper to taste 6 cups water or broth Steps: Rinse the peas in a colander. Put all ingredients in the pressure cooker. Add one bay leaf on the top. Set the cooker for 15 minutes of cooking. Let the cooker release on its own. This will take about 15 minutes. Stir the soup and taste. Adjust seasonings if necessary. You may blend, if you wish. Serve and enjoy. I usually toss a ham bone or a diced ham end piece into pea spup for traditional Canadian pea soup flavor. You can concentrate Canadian pea soup at VERY low heat until it is very thick, then ladle it into ziplock baggies sitting in cups.When they are cold, put them into the freezer. The reason for the cups is uniform sizes and not interlocking in the freezer. When frozen, you can tip the hockey pucks out of the cups. To use, just toss a puck into boiling water, and you will have pea soup in a few minutes. Just add bread, and you have a good meal. Have FUN! DearWebby
twins argue over who gets the car
____________________________________________________ >From Fred The other night, my friend and I were going out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush, trim, siding, shingles, lighting and lipstick, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" ___________________________________________________
Clever ads that will make you look twice.
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student and asked, "Why have you chosen this career?" The young man said, "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father." "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean. "No," replied the applicant, "but he always dreamed of it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on March 30
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of
Aragon. 

1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched
into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy, and
really hated the decimal metric system.

1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 

1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation
while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 

1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri
invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a
pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in
Kansas. 

1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 

1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
dollars. 

1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote
regardless of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 

1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic
brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American
interests. 

1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate
in the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 

1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking
Manhattan and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge.


1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager
pay for government jobs. 

1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in
Mexico. 

1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38
warships. 

1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko
in Nanking, China. 

1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel
began its first offensive against British forces in Libya. 

1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 

1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 

1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the
Nazi party in Frankfurt. 

1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 

1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as
a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 

1957 Tunisia and Morocco signed a friendship treaty in
Rabat. 

1972 The British government assumed direct rule over
Northern Ireland. The irish did not like that one bit.

1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese
troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the
northern portion of South Vietnam. 

1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon
South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 

1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in
Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers
and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 

1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its
longest test flight after 8 days in space. 

1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational
peace force in Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85
million. 

1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to
death for war crimes committed in Bosnia. 

1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war
in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to
fight each other. 

1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million
deal. 

2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at
a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four
policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were
injured. 

2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed
that the new World Trade Center building would be officially
known by its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 

2017  smiled.


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How to deal with hard to read font colors 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 29
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas pastor caught with child porno
Details at  Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, March 28 in
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America 
Act to create the Dominion of Canada.

 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. --- Henrik Tikkanen Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view. --- Lillian Hellman (1905 - 1984) A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. --- Robert Frost ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't clean up your act, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me about JUSTICE - "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU.. THEN you'll see what it's like." MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION "You better pray that will come out of that carpet!" MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC "Because I said so, that's why!" MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER "It looks like a tornado went through your room!" MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't exaggerate!" MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION "Stop acting like your father!" And most of all..... MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, I can take you out!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Rankin, 78, Hurst, Texas Texas pastor caught with child porno A Texas pastor is claiming that child pornography images allegedly found on his computer were “to remind himself of what other people like to look at,” according to an affidavit for a search warrant. Local police disagree. “That explanation did not really pan out for us,” police Sgt. Lonnie Brazzel told The Huffington Post. Authorities on Friday seized computers, digital storage devices and cameras belonging to 78-year-old James Rankin, of Hurst, Texas. Rankin was arrested after employees at a Best Buy alerted police to suspected child pornography allegedly found Thursday on an Apple iMac that Hurst brought in for repair. When investigators examined the computer, they allegedly found about 50 images of nude children, some of which they described as having a “‘home-made’ quality.” Rankin told police he’d discovered the images seven or eight years ago “and saved these images because he had researched a possible lesson involving Cupid, love, and human trafficking,” according to the search affidavit. However, authorities say some of the images have dates as recent as February associated with them. “This is now a matter of whether this a downloaded collection or photos he’s taken,” Brazzel said. A forensic analysis of the images is pending. At the time of his arrest, Rankin told police he was an associate pastor at Bellevue Baptist Church in Hurst. A now- defunct page on the church’s website states that Rankin is a married father of two who served in churches in Tennessee, Fort Worth and Amarillo. He also served as a chaplain in the U.S. Army. The church did not respond to a request for comment. Rankin also allegedly said the photos served as a reminder of “how bad human trafficking is.” However, it appears his concern didn’t motivate him to take any further action. Court documents do not indicate that Rankin ever notified authorities or the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children of the existence of the alleged child porn images, or the website from which he allegedly downloaded them. Rankin, who faces a charge of possession of child pornography, is jailed in lieu of $5,000 bond. The forensic analysis of the alleged evidence is expected to take five to six weeks, Brazzel said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Olaf Re: Hard to read font colors Dear Webby Some people use very difficult to read font colors, like for example silver on white, or dark blue on black. Is there a way to make that easier to read ? Thanks Olaf /i> Dear Olaf Why ? Have you ever found anything worth reading on a site whose writer was afflicted with that type of insanity ? I haven't, and I don't waste my time on that kind of site. There are plenty of sites with good content presented in easy to read color combinations. However, if you think you HAVE to read a site like that, hit CTRL A to select and highlight All. Have FUN! DearWebby
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other." "Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears, boy." "Guess I'm no good at math, either!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Italian Lentil and Swiss Chard Soup Recipe By Jess [166 Posts, 971 Comments] Total Time: approximately 2 hours Yield: 8 Source: I adapted my friend Lisa's basic recipe for lentils. Ingredients: 1 Tbsp olive oil 2 cups lentils 1 onion, chopped 3 cloves garlic, minced 2 stalks celery, finely chopped 1 cup mushrooms, chopped 2 carrots, chopped 1 cup spaghetti sauce or 1 can diced tomatoes 1 qt vegetable broth salt, pepper and Italian seasoning to taste 1 bunch Swiss chard, chopped This recipe used what I had on hand. You could substitute or leave out pretty much any of these ingredients to suit your family's taste. I often make a similar soup with noodles instead of lentils and call it Spaghetti Soup. Steps: Heat olive oil in a heavy bottomed pot, over medium heat. Add onions, then garlic. Cook until slightly softened. Add lentils and sauté for a couple of minutes. Add celery and stir, then add mushrooms after a minute or two, then carrots. Allow to cook off the excess moisture for a few minutes. Add in spaghetti sauce, vegetable broth and seasonings. Increase heat to bring soup to just a boil, then turn to low and simmer until lentils are cooked. I cooked my soup for about two hours on low but I'm sure it would have been ready sooner. Add more water to give the soup the right consistency. Just before serving, check seasonings and make adjustments as necessary. Add Swiss chard and cook for about 5 more minutes before serving. Cheese would have been a wonderful garnish to this soup. I served it with a green salad but it would have been nice to have bread too.
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik9AtJQXaHQ#t=11"> My Country Tis of Thee/God Save the Queen
____________________________________________________ While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "Don't help my hearing none," he replied. "Makes people talk louder." ___________________________________________________
Best of the month-People Are Awesome!
>From Bill While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop." Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said,"go ahead." "And this is my pole," he said. My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain." And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today on March 29
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English thrown by
defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 

1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware was
established. 

1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took
possession of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 

1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice
jam. 

1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to
create the Dominion of Canada. 

1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 

1903 A regular news service began between New York and
London on Marconi's wireless. 

1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job
seeking higher wages. 

1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to
finance the new military budget. 

1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 

1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 

1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the
Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 

1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began
during World War II. 

1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an
African parliamentary majority. 

1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in
Korea. 

1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were
convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were
executed in June 19, 1953. 

1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 

1966 Leonid Brezhnev became the First Secretary of the
Soviet Communist Party. He denounced the American policy in
Vietnam and called it one of aggression. 

1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 

1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found
guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese
civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial
was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March
16, 1968. 

1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for
Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 Tate-
La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later commuted
to live in prison. 

1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 

1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first
spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched
on November 3, 1973. 

1974 Eight Ohio National Guardsmen were indicted on charges
stemming from the shooting deaths of four students at Kent
State University on May 4, 1970. All the guardsmen were
later acquitted. 

1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would
reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 

1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S.
House of Representatives stated the assassination of
President John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 

1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube.
(U.S. Patent 4,378,116) 

1986 A court in Rome acquitted six men in a plot to kill the
Pope. 

1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the
Giant in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the
Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 

1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said
"I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to
when he had experimented with marijuana. Nobody believed
him.

1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial
support to women who had been forced to have sex with
Japanese troops during World War II. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a
constitutional amendment that would have limited terms to 12
years in the U.S. House and Senate. 

1999 At least 87 people died in an earthquake in India's
Himalayan foothills. 

2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia
and Slovenia became members of NATO. 

2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest
structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 

2017  smiled.


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