Panoramic picture 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 11

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
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Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for beating up 
husband for forgetting wedding anniversary
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 11 in
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on March 13,
the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to hostilities with Great
Britain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." --- Warren Buffett _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Linda Little Suzie ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother. "My doll! Johnny broke it!" she sobbed. "How did he break it, Suzie?" "When I hit him over the head with it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into templates, but deliver us some e-mail. " _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carol Stone, 35, Zephyrhills, Florida Florida woman arrested for beating up husband for forgetting wedding anniversary Deputies arrested a Florida woman after she allegedly attacked her husband because he forgot the date of their wedding anniversary. Carol Stone, 35, of Zephyrhills, faces a misdemeanor charge of domestic battery after Pasco County deputies arrested her Wednesday, according to Tampa’s WTVT. Stone’s husband told authorities the assault started as verbal dispute when he told her he forgot their anniversary. Stone later confirmed his story to deputies during questioning, according to authorities. That argument escalated when Stone started smacking her husband repeatedly in the head and face, scratching him and shoving him onto the ground, according to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office. According to the Land O’ Lakes Patch, Stone’s husband recorded the attack on his phone. Deputies booked Stone into the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center on a $150 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Bev Re: Panoramic picture Dear Webby, For some reason I cannot get this web jpg on an old Humor Letter to open. http://webby.com/humor/i/MtEverest1.jpg It only opens the top portion of the photo. I tried both of the links you includud, but both had the same results. I look forward to your humor everyday. Thanks, Bev Dear Bev That picture is over 4,100 pixels wide. When your browser shrinks it to 800, or whatever the width of your browser is, naturally the height shrinks proportionally. Depending on which browser you use, you can hold down CTRL and roll the scroll wheel on the mouse and change the zoom level. Keep in mind, that picture is actually quite huge, and zoom changes won't be instant. The picture is actually a dozen shots pasted together. If you print it on 4 foot high poster stock, you could paste them all around a 10 foot by 10 foot room. Then you could stand in the middle of the room and have the same view Roddy had, when he stood up there and slowly turned 360 degrees while snapping a dozen pictures. Have FUN DearWebby An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? Answer tomorrow ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Tim for this one: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here." ------------ The "horn" on a saddle is used by cowboys to loop the rope around when they lassoo cattle. Newbies also use it to hang on.
Only slightly exaggerated - travel Oregon
___________________________________________________ A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 11 in
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by the
French at the Battle of Ravenna. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns of
Britain. 

1713 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed, ending the War of Spanish
Succession. 

1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on March 13,
the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to hostilities with Great
Britain. 

1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John Stevens.


1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied
European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. He was
banished to the island of Elba. 

1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 

1876 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was organized. 

1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a
declaration of war with Spain. 

1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared in
effect. 

1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 

1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this day on
KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between Johnny Ray and
Johnny Dundee. 

1901 Construction on the Empire State Building was completed. The
building was dedicated and opened on May 1, 1931. 

1940 Andrew Ponzi set a world's record in a New York billiards
tournament when he ran 127 balls straight. 

1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 

1945 U.S. troops reached the Elbe River in Germany. 

1945 During World War II, American soldiers liberated the Nazi
concentration camp of Buchenwald in Germany. 

1948 The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls was announced in a
general press release. 

1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur as head
of United Nations forces in Korea. 

1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of World War
II war crimes. 

1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was
disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The astronauts
did return safely. 

1974 The Judiciary committee subpoenad U.S. President Richard Nixon
to produce tapes for impeachment inquiry. 

1979 Idi Amin was deposed as president of Uganda as rebels and
exiles backed by Tanzanian forces seized control. 

1980 The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission issued regulations
specifically prohibiting sexual harassment of workers by
supervisors. 

1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House from
the hospital after recovering from an assassination attempt on
March 30. 

1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that
resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 

1984 China invaded Vietnam. 

1984 General Secretary Konstantin U. Cherenkov was named president
of the Soviet Union. 

1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the earth
and moon within one inch. 

1985 The White House announced that President Reagan would visit
the Nazi cemetery at Bitburg. 

1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150 days.


1986 In Groton, CT, the submarine Nautilus exhibit opened to the
public. 

1986 Kellogg's stopped giving tours of its breakfast-food plant.
The reason for the end of the 80-year tradition was said to be that
company secrets were at risk due to spies from other cereal
companies. 

1991 U.N. Security Council issued a formal cease-fire with Iraq. 

1996 Forty-three African nations signed the African Nuclear Weapons
Free Zone Treaty. 

1999 Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president of Niger.
President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara had been assassinated on April 9.


2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since April 1 on Hainon,
where the plane had made an emergency landing after an in-flight
collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing
and presumed dead. 

2018  smiled.


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Wrong icon size 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 10

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Today I have to go to Calgary for a colonoscopy.
Domorrow's newsletter might be a bit late.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana shooter says he has ‘no remorse’ 
for killing deputy
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 10 in
1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. 
He sold the rights for $100. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. --- Robert Orben It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lois for this story: I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast-forward." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Communicate! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of buffalos." "Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Baumgardt, 21, Boon County, Indiana Shooter says he has ‘no remorse’ for killing deputy The 21-year-old man accused of fatally shooting Boone County Deputy Jacob Pickett spoke out as he walked into the courthouse for his initial hearing Wednesday afternoon, according to WXIN. Anthony Baumgardt, 21, faces murder, drug, and gun charges after police say he shot Pickett last week. Investigators were chasing Baumgardt and two other men after they fled the site of an unrelated attempted arrest last Friday. Prosecutor Todd Meyer says Baumgardt jumped from a fleeing car and ran around the corner of an apartment building in Lebanon with Deputy Pickett and his K9 partner Brik in pursuit. Pickett was shot once in the head. Officers returned fire, wounding Baumgardt before taking him into custody. According to court documents, Baumgardt told police, “I shot a cop.” When asked why he did it he answered, “Cause they were going to take me to jail.” While officers walked Baumgardt into the courthouse ahead of his initial hearing, he was asked if he was sorry for killing Pickett. Baumgardt said "nope," and he repeated multiple times he has "no remorse." He was also asked why he shot Pickett. He said, "I didn't want to get bit by a dog." Boone County Sheriff Mike Nielsen said, "That’s deputy Pickett’s dog. That’s Brik.” Baumgardt replied, "Well I didn’t want to get bit by Brik." During the hearing, Baumgardt asked the judge, "Will they be seeking the death penalty?" He then asked, "If I plead guilty can I seek out the death penalty on my own?" After the court hearing, Nielsen said it "hurt deep inside" when Baumgardt said he had no remorse. "But we move on." Nielsen later said, “I will not step down to his level. I did not cry in there because he will not get to me. But what I will tell you is I will be at every hearing and every trial, and so will his K9 partner Brik.” Meyer says he’s leaning toward pursuing the death penalty in the case. The suspect's father, Robert Baumgardt Jr., issued a statement after the court hearing, saying his family wants justice as much as the public. “After Anthony’s words today, I am speechless," he said. "Let’s give respect to the hero and the officers in blue, not giving Anthony the spotlight. Please let everyone know we want justice as much as they do. Swift Justice. My prayers for the family, Brik and the brothers in blue continue.” Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Wrong icon size Dear Webby, I hope you can help me one more time. After getting my computer back from the repair shop all my " Icons " and everything on the computer is double in size, how can I get things back to normal. Thank you Rose Dear Rose Let's hope and assume that the computer is not stuck in safe mode. Right-click on the desktop Screen Resolution That is a pull-down. Pull it down to the highest numberw you see. Hit OK. Most likely you will again have a decent resolution. You can fine-tune the icon size by clicking on the desktop, holding down CTRL and rolling the scroll wheel. First, though, you should set the screen resolution. Have FUN DearWebby The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?" "When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with about a 1/2 cup white vinegar. This works well particularly in the kitchen, for several hours or overnight. The odor will disappear. By Pam Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Yikes! People are awesome! Best of the week.
___________________________________________________ "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 10 in
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces at
Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 

1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S. President
George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790 into law. 

1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered Bavaria.


1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the British
and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication and exile to
Elba. 

1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 

1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights for
$100. 

1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in south Africa was
proclaimed. 

1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in Georgia
along the Tybee River. 

1866 The American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
(ASPCA) was incorporated. 

1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender. 

1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England. 

1916 The Professional Golfers Association (PGA) held its first
championship tournament. 

1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was killed by
government troops. 

1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to discuss
the reconstruction of Europe after World War I. 

1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby" for the first
time. 

1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 

1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany with 19
million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 13 million votes. 

1938 Germany annexed Austria. 

1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to prevent
Nazi infiltration. 

1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to recognize
the United Auto Workers as the representative for its workers. 

1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 

1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers near
Berlin. 

1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first 3-D
movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio. 

1953 Actress Hedy Lamarr became a U.S. citizen. 

1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko Shoda. 

1960 The U.S. Senate passed the Civil Rights Bill. 

1961 Gary Player of South Africa became the first foreign golfer to
win the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. 

1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS
Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 

1967 The 13-day strike by the American Federation of Radio-TV
Artists (AFTRA) came to an end less than two hours before the 39th
Academy Awards presentation went on the air. 

1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland with
General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 

1971 The American table tennis team arrived in China. They were the
first group of Americans officially allowed into China since the
founding of the People Republic in 1949. The team had recieved the
surprise invitation while in Japan for the 31st World Table Tennis
Championship. 

1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000 people. 

1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other nations in
signing an agreement banning biological warfare. 

1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed while
attempting to land at Basel. 

1974 Yitzhak Rabin replaced resigning Israeli Prime Minister, Golda
Meir. Meir resigned over differences within her Labor Party. 

1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between
Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 

1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to the
British Parliament. 

1981 The maiden launch of the space shuttle Columbia was cancelled
because of a computer malfunction. 

1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan
harbors. 

1988 On Wall Street, 48 million shares of Navistar International
stock changed hands in a single-block trade. It was the largest
transaction ever executed on the New York Stock Exchange. 

1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by
Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut. 

1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, set
off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people and injured
91. 

1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was
assassinated. 

1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time on Serb
forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town of Gordazde.
The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have outlawed
a technique used to end pregnancies in their late stages. 

1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British ruled
Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 

1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese dissidents
and human rights activists to promote their campaign for democracy
in China. 

2000 Monitors from the Organization for Security and Cooperation in
Europe (OSCE) reported irregularities in the voting in Georgia's
presidential election on April 9. President Eduard Shevardnadze was
reelected to a new five-year term. 

2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted suicide
for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 

2002 Former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke before
the U.S. Senate as a representative of the Israeli government. He
warned that suicide bombers would spread to the U.S. if Israel was
not allowed to finish its military offensive in the West Bank.
Netanyaho also cited the goals of dismantling the terror regime and
expelling Arafat from the region, ridding the Palestinian
territories of terrorist weapons and establishing "physical
barriers" to protect Israelis from future Palestinian attacks. 

2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's
Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional appointees
and assumed all governance in the country. 

2018  smiled.


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Second subscription 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 9

Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for a colonoscopy,
not because of any abnormal symptoms or pain or reason,
but because my doctor said so. As those of you, who have
had to endure that procedure, it is a major nuisance, 
and worse at some hospitals than at others.

With this one, the preparation is old-fashioned Colyte
nuclear laxative, but for the procedure they use Fentanyl and
intravenous valium. My dope days ended in 1971, so the use
of dope like that does not impress me. At the previous hospital
they used a simple sedative, just like for a cataract operation.
Oh, well. I will get over it, and will try to specify a different
hospital next time.

Wendy just sent this to me:
After my recent Prostate Exam, which was the most thorough I've
ever had, the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in. As she
shut the door, 
 
She asked me a question I didn't want to hear.
 
She said; "Who Was That Guy?”



Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Social worker faces 14 felony charges after 
patient says she made him her ‘sex slave’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 9 in
1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ JingleTruck, Pakistan _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christy Lenhardt, 53, Elgin, Illinois Social worker faces 14 felony charges after patient says she made him her ‘sex slave’ An Illinois social worker faces 14 felony charges after one of her patients said she treated him like a "sex slave." There are now three lawsuits – one criminal and two civil – claiming that a former employee at the Elgin Mental Health Center took advantage of her position by making her patients her sex slaves. Christy Lenhardt, 53, now faces 14 counts of sexual misconduct in Kane County. Lenhardt was charged with eight counts of sexual misconduct with a person with disabilities, and six counts of official misconduct. The charges come after a state investigation into the Elgin Mental Health Center. The criminal complaint alleges that one patient, Benahdam Hurt of Aurora, was forced to have romantic trysts with his social worker in her office and in his bedroom in the state-run facility for nearly three years. “I visit my son every day every weekend and I knew something wasn't right. I would hear things and people would slip papers to me,” his mother, D’Anntanette Lee, said. The criminal charges follow civil suits filed in 2017 and 2018. In one of those cases another patient, Mark Owens Jr., claimed Lenhardt made sexual advances toward him when he first showed up at the facility in 2012. When Hurt said he wanted to stop seeing Lenhardt in her private office, she allegedly retaliated against him by telling his treatment team he was paranoid and in need of stronger medication. “She can get me drugged to the gills. In all likelihood I better do what she says,” Hurt's attorney said. Lenhardt, a long time state employee, resigned in August of 2017. The civil lawsuits are each seeking $10,000 in damages. “It shouldn't be this way. This is a terrible crime and not just against my client but against human dignity itself,” Randy Kretchmar, attorney, said. Lenhardt posted bail on Thursday. Her attorney told the Chicago Tribune that she does not have a criminal history and will wait for the legal process to play out in court. She is due back in court on April 20. If convicted, Lenhardt faces probation or between two and five years in prison. Tech Support Pits From: Keith Re: Dual Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving two copies of each day's letter. I still wish to receive the daily letter, but only one copy. Thanks, Keith Dear Keith Look at the bottom of the one, that you do not want anymore, and tell me which email address you see there. Then I can delete that subscription and keep the other one going. Have FUN DearWebby Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Isaac Greenberg bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for the anniversary. His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "Yes, that she did," he replied. "But where in the world I was gonna find a fake Jeep?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the ..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road ..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. "Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Junk Mail? I recently received a letter in the mail that looked like a credit card offer or junk mail from my bank on the outside of the envelope. I opened it and at a glance, it still looked like marketing of some sort. Fortunately, I took time to read it. It was promotional material, but it was detailing the virtues of a the new checking account that my bank had signed me up for. This new account has monthly fees, in contrast to the free checking account I had signed up for 15 years ago. The moral of the story, be sure to read anything your bank sends you. By Fisher Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two American women stop at an inexpensive pension in Paris. When they get to the room, they find they have only one chair, so one asks the bellboy to bring them another. Unfortunately, the bellboy can't understand a word of English, and neither of the young women can speak French. To solve the problem, one of the women points to the only chair in the room, then tries to pantomime sitting down in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the bellboy bows and motions for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stops, smiles, and bows again. Then he points triumphantly to the door of the ladies' room.
Yikes! Teufelsbrücke, The Devil's Bridge in Switzerland
___________________________________________________ Talk about having second thoughts upon choosing a place to eat. I went into this place in Abilene Texas and said to the waitress, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." She smiled, handed me a menu and replied, "Well... you've come to the right place." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 9 in
0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius Seversus
was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum. 

0715 Constantine ended his reign as Catholic Pope. 

1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the Poles
and the Germans. 

1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed a peace
agreement at Lodi, Italy. 

1667 In Paris, The first public art exhibition was held at the
Palais-Royale. 

1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River and all
lands that touch it for France. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the Australian
continent. 

1833 Peterborough, NH, opened the first municipally supported
public library in the United States. 

1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E. Lee
surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General Ulysses S. Grant
in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home. Grant allowed Rebel
officers to keep their sidearms and permitted soldiers to keep
their horses and mules. Though there were still Confederate armies
in the field, the war was officially over. The four years of
fighting had killed 360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate
troops. 

1866 The Civil Rights Bill passed over U.S. President Andrew
Johnson's veto. 

1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that purchased
the territory of Alaska by one vote. 

1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 

1870 The American Anti-Slavery Society was dissolved. 

1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk. 

1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South Africa. 

1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in Duluth,
MN. 

1914 In London, the first full-color film, "The World, The Flesh &
the Devil," was shown. 

1916 The German army launched it’s third offensive during the
Battle of Verdun. 

1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began a massive
assault on Vimy Ridge. 

1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence. 

1921 The Russo-Polish conflict ended with signing of Riga Treaty. 

1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the production of
"Diamond Lil." 

1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark. 

1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces were
overwhelmed by the Japanese Army. 

1945 National Football League officials decreed that it was
mandatory for football players to wear socks in all league games. 

1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360 people.
The ship was carrying aerial bombs. 

1947 169 people were killed and 1,300 were injured by a series of
tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. 

1950 Bob Hope made his first television appearance on "Star-
Spangled Review" on NBC-TV. 

1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping. 

1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first seven
astronauts. 

1963 Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S. citizen. 

1965 "TIME" magazine featured a cover with the entire "Peanuts"
comic gang. 

1965 The Houston Astrodome held its first baseball game. 

1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use. 

1968 Murdered civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was
buried. 

1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests for
peaceful use. 

1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk a small
Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. The Nissho Maru's captain
and first mate died. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight. 

1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support for
guerilla raids illegal. 

1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy foreign
products. 

1986 It was announced that Patrick Duffy's character on the TV show
Dallas would be returning after being killed off. 

1987 Dikye Baggett became the first person to undergo corrective
surgery for Parkinson’s disease. 

1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama. 

1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet Georgia. 

1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in support
of the right to abortion. 

1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R. 

1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in Miami,
FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. 

1998 The National Prisoner of War Museum opened in Andersonville,
GA, at the site of an infamous Civil War camp. 

1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, Saudi Arabia,
on last day of the haj pilgrimage. 

1999 In Djibouti, Ismail Omar Guelleh of the ruling Popular Rally
for Progress and the Front for the Restoration of Unity and
Democracy was elected president. 

1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was assassinated.
Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president two days later. 

2018  smiled.


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Set file types 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 8

smallblessings.com is for sale: $100
You can use it for anything you want.
Offer expires on 4/22/2018

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
One of the ‘worst DUI offenders in the country’ 
arrested again
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 8 in
1513 - Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Devil’s Bridge or Teufelsbrücke is located across the Schöllenen Gorge in the scenic Reuss valley in the canton of Uri, in Switzerland. Old bridge is below, new bridge on top. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Donnie HISTORICAL FACT Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any illegal Mexicans. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alaina Marie Limpert, 25, Tempe, Arizona Mom arrested after Tempe toddler ate mac and cheese made with THC butter A Tempe mom was arrested after police say her child ate mac and cheese made with THC butter. THC is a chemical in cannabis that gets you high. Alaina Marie Limpert, 25, was booked on one count of child abuse. The Department of Child Safety was notified by someone in Limpert’s home that her almost-two-year-old daughter had ingested THC butter while eating macaroni and cheese with her father. “During that time, neither parent took the child to immediate emergency care,” according to the police report. Instead, “It was witnessed inside of the residence that [they] both laughed about the side effects the child experienced during that time and then proceeded to place her into their backyard pool to use the cold water to ‘shock’ her,” the police report continued. It wasn’t until two days later the Department of Child Safety was notified and arrived to take custody of all three kids living at the home. Hospital officials later confirmed that they found THC in the infant’s system. Limpert later admitted making the mac and cheese with THC for her husband, but did not know her daughter ingested it. Limpert is due back in court April 19. At the home, police report they found two marijuana grow tents in the garage. They also found mushrooms, bongs and pipes, containers of hash oil and other drug paraphernalia. In the home’s refrigerator, “on the top shelf were three large tubs of THC butter.” Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: Set file types Dear Webby Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN DearWebby You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apply for Financial Aid Early If you or a loved one is going to college this fall, apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability, and the date your application process is completed. It pays to be on top of it. File your financial aid application as soon as you file your taxes. You should have all the paperwork you need since February. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework on the opposite side of the table. "Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?" Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, probably less than half of them."
So what do you think, made by nature or made by humans billions of years ago?
___________________________________________________ An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 8 in
1513 - Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 

1525 - Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order,
assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of
the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 

1832 - About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left Jefferson
Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in the Black Hawk
War. 

1834 - In New York City, Cornelius Lawrence became the first mayor
to be elected by popular vote in a city election. 

1873 - Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 

1911 - The first squash tournament was played at the Harvard Club
in New York City. 

1939 - Italy invaded Albania. 

1942 - The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of
Leningrad. 

1946 - The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time.


1947 - The first illustrated insurance policy was issued by the
Allstate Insurance Company. 

1952 - U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a
nationwide strike. 

1953 - The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to
South Dakota. 

1962 - Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 

1985 - India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal
disaster. 

1985 - Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent
eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 

1986 - Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 

1988 - Former U.S. President Reagan aide Lyn Nofzinger was
sentenced to prison for illegal lobbying for Wedtech Corp. 

1990 - In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political
parties. 

1992 - In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was
published. 

1994 - Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military
bases. 

2000 - 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed
during a training mission in Arizona. 

2002 - Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance
company, two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup
contractors. The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and
intentional infliction of emotional distress concerning a toxic
mold that had spread through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 

2018  smiled.


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AOL Flag 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 7

Thank you very much, Joe T!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
One of the ‘worst DUI offenders in the country’ 
arrested again
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 7 in
1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in 
"True Grit." He had been in over 200 films
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, many farmers are reluctant to buy into anything that smacks of technology and the modern-day world. But when a local university created an agricultural web page to answer questions the farmers might have, they were pleasantly surprised to hear that the farming community had nicknamed the new site "The farmers on the Dell." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tasha Schleicher, 41, New Home, Minnasota One of the ‘worst DUI offenders in the country’ arrested again Police in the suburbs of Chicago arrested a woman they said is one of “the worst DUI offenders in the country.” Riverside police arrested Tasha Schleicher, 41, of New Home, Minn., on Monday around 9:30 p.m. Police said they got a call about a woman passed out behind the wheel of her car in a gas station at 2246 South Harlem Avenue. When officers arrived, they saw an open bottle of Crown Royal in the front passenger seat. Officers in Riverside said she tried to fill her car with kerosene instead of gasoline. She was charged with drunk driving, not having insurance and driving without a license, which was revoked on drunk driving charges. Riverside police said she was “combative” with officers the entire time. She lied about her name, date of birthdate, Social Security number, and also lied about being pregnant, police said. Schleicher told police that she was in the area after dropping off her son, who wanted “to party” in Indiana for spring break, according to the Riverside-Brookfield Landmark. She has six DUIs in six states, according to police. In one incident, she was with her children in the car when she lost control and slammed into the median multiple times before her tire blew and the bare rim forced her to stop five miles later. When an officer approached the car, she was allegedly nursing the infant. During another DUI arrest, she told the officer who pulled her over that she had her children with her, even though she was alone in the car, according to the paper. Schleicher’s 11 children have been taken away from her in Minnesota, all related to drunk and impaired driving situations, according to police. Tech Support Pits From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free. Have FUN DearWebby John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?" Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up. "Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself. "No--a five." Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!" "Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five. But actually you had seven." "Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Bimba pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com An irritated father complained to his golf buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "If he doesn't behave, I send him to MY room!" Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP! You knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!"
The delicate art of cobweb painting. I had never heard of cobweb paintings but they are beautiful!
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 7 in

1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 

1798 The territory of Mississippi was organized. 

1862 Union General Ulysses S. Grant defeated Confederates at the
Battle of Shiloh, TN. 

1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento,
California. 

1888 P.F. Collier published a weekly periodical for the first time
under the name "Collier’s." 

1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil
reserves in Wyoming. 

1927 The first long-distance TV transmission was sent from
Washington, DC, to New York City. The audience saw an image of
Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover. 

1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State
Building. 

1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 

1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi Akarit and
El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line against the German
army. 

1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest
battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet was
headed for a suicide mission. 

1948 The United Nations' World Health Organization began
operations. 

1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine.
It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer. 

1957 The last of New York City's electric trolleys completed its
final run from Queens to Manhattan. 

1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 

1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of Yugoslavia
for life. 

1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the coast
of Spain. 

1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs. 

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws
prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 

1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in "True
Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more men from
Vietnam by December. 

1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed
economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages on
November 4, 1979. 

1983 Specialist Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first
Space Shuttle spacewalk. 

1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports and
cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 

1985 In Goteborg, Sweden, China swept all of the world table tennis
titles except for men's doubles. 

1985 In Sudan, Gen. Swar el-Dahab took over the Presidency while
President Gaafar el-Nimeiry was visiting the U.S. and Egypt. 

1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on medium-range
nuclear missiles. 

1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of a
Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began leaving on
May 16, 1988. 

1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted on
charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government. 

1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the
Norwegian Sea. 

1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts
at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later reversed on
appeal. 

1990 At Cincinnati's Contemporary Arts Center a display of Robert
Mapplethorpe's photographs went on display. On the same day the
center and its director were indicted on obscenity charges. The
charges resulted in acquittal. 

1994 Civil war erupted in Rwanda between the Patriotic Front rebel
group and government soldiers. Hundreds of thousands were
slaughtered in the months that followed. 

1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election to
serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term. 

1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings
to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to
Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law and allows
senior citizens to earn money without losing Social Security
retirement benefits. 

2002 The Roman Catholic archdiocese announced that six priests from
the Archdiocese of New York were suspended over allegations of
sexual misconduct. 

2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test drop at
Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 

2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was sentenced to 25
years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings by security
forces. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


I noticed that Broom Hilda's Hog is now whining against New York
cops, because they defended themselves and New York against a
suicider. Since he is the darling of the left-wing media, they
praise him for that. In my opinion, he lost what little bit of
credibility he had.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah gun-slinger robs gas station 
and tries carjacking
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 6 in
1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed 
to be the first men to reach the North Pole. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool. --- Jane Wagner I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. --- J. D. Salinger (1919 - ) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy..." remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes! What did you expect ..... feathers?!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man has six items in his bathroom — a toothbrush, toothpastem, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items and what they are used for. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexis Payan-Martinez, Murray, Utah Utah gun-slinger robs gas station and tries carjacking A man is accused of stealing beer from a Murray convenience store at gunpoint and trying to steal a person’s car. Police said Alexis R. Payan-Martinez walked into a Maverik store near 514 W. 3900 S. on March 31. He was caught on surveillance video grabbing a case of beer, raising a semiautomatic handgun to a customer and employee and saying, “come at me, bro.” A few hours later, Unified Police responded to a carjacking where an officer recognized the suspect as the same person caught on video robbing the convenience store in Murray. Officers said Payan-Martinez later admitted to robbing the convenience store. He was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for aggravated robbery. Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Full Size Browser default Dear Webby I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? BTW, I use IE. David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back, on modern browsers too, not just IE. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has agreed that is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until you perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Personally, I would highly recommend that you make your default browser size less than full screen. That way you notice when a page pops a "Pop-Under" and you won't accidentally agree to subscribe to all kinds of weird stuff. Many news sites use pop-unders to ask you if you want up-to-the- minute notifications of breaking news. You have to hit BLOCK to avoid that. The same goes for really weird stuff, that you most definitely DON'T want to notify you of their breaking news. Have FUN DearWebby A man will remember how short a woman’s dress was, for years. A woman will remember what color it was.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two boys were arguing when the preacher entered the room. The preacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One of them answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” “You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the preacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys gave the ten dollars to the preacher. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Birthdays on Your New Calendar When putting up your new calendar for the new year, take a moment and fill in all the birthdays that you need to remember throughout the year. It's also good to note any anniversaries or other important dates. One good method is to flip through your old calendar and transfer any dates which apply to the new year. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?" "The hell with her, lets go look for yours!"
People Are Awesome!
___________________________________________________ The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a coward." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 6 in
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the siege of
the castle of Chaluz in France. 

1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport arrived at
the Spanish colony of Puerto Rico for supplies before continuing on
their journey. On May 14, they went ashore and founded Jamestown,
Virginia, as the first permanent English colony in America. 

1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town, South
Africa. 

1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension from
the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at
Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor. 

1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church in
western New York. 

1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new low when
Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas by settlers
from the U.S. 

1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in Tennessee. 

1865 At the Battle of Sayler's Creek, a third of Lee's army was cut
off by Union troops pursuing him to Appomattox. 

1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the multiple
telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time. 

1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece. 

1903 French Army Nationalists were revealed for forging documents
to guarantee a conviction for Alfred Dryfus. 

1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be the
first men to reach the North Pole. 

1916 Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star in the world
when he signed a contract with Mutual Film Corporation for $675,000
a year. He was 26 years old. 

1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on Germany and
entered World War I on the Allied side. 

1924 Four planes left Seattle on the first successful flight around
the world. 

1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of Austria. 

1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia. 

1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's power be
reduced. 

1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of ground
troops in combat operations in Vietnam. 

1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and freed
200 prisoners. 

1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of
intense ethnic riots in Kosovo. 

1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would give free
medical care for conditions traceable to radiation exposure to more
than 220,000 veterans who participated in nuclear tests from 1945
to 1962. 

1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart
recipient to be discharged from the hospital. 

1987 Sugar Ray Leonard took the middleweight title from Marvin
Hagler. 

1988 Mathew Henson was awarded honors in Arlington National
Cemetery. Henson had reached the North Pole with Robert Peary. 

1998 Citicorp and Travelers Group announced that they would be
merging. The new creation was the largest financial-services
conglomerate in the world. The name would become Citigroup. 

1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily tamoxifen
pills could cut breast cancer risk among high-risk women. 

1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles capable of
attacking neighboring India. 

2018  smiled.


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Can you mix hard drives? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 5

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk woman with child in car hits, 
kills two men as they changed tire
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 4 in
1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest
suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The
bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. --- Aristotle _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: Aaron came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and bruised. His father asked him what on earth had happened. "Well, dad, it's like this," Aaron began. "I challenged Larry to a duel and you know how that goes...I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair." "I know...but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Icicle on the north side of my house yesterday. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rosie for this one: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" The frying pan now has a serious dent. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christine Noriega, Sandoval, New Mexico Drunk woman with child in car hits, kills two men as they changed tire Sandoval County sheriff's deputies say a 31-year-old woman was driving drunk Tuesday night when she drove her vehicle into two men as they changed a tire south of Algodones, killing them. Authorities charged Christine Noriega with two counts of vehicular homicide after the crash in Sandoval County. On Wednesday, sheriff's office Lt. Keith Elder identified the two victims as 21-year-old Michael Chambellan of Albuquerque and 28-year-old Lonnie Escovedo of Santa Fe. According to a probable cause statement, Chambellan and Escovedo were changing the rear driver-side tire on their Honda Civic along southbound I-25 near mile marker 246. At about 6:45 p.m., deputies say a Honda Pilot driven by Noriega sideswiped the Civic, fatally striking Chambellan and Escovedo. They were pronounced dead at the scene. When a deputy spoke to Noriega, the deputy noticed she smelled of alcohol and had bloodshot, watery eyes, the report states. She also had slurred speech and "her statements did not make sense," according to the report. Noriega also had a child in the car. In addition to the homicide charges, Noriega faces aggravated DWI and child abuse. She is jailed on a no-bond hold. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA Dear Webby Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new machine, which has an ATA drive. Bob Dear Bob Some motherboards have sockets for both IDE and ATA cables, but unless you have looked yourself and seen both types of sockets side by side, don't count on them being there. On new motherboards usually they aren't. The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost $15 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a local storefront. With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely. By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about 4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a 3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure. USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1. Have FUN DearWebby The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again, "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat tomorrow."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Checkers You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color, color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then make a game board using a square piece of card board. Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors, the same as a chess board. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com You can make a very nice checkerboard quickly by weaving 4 strips of dark and 4 strips of light paper, felt, or wood veneer into a square. Then cut some plywood or paneling to size and lay some iron-on glue gauze onto that, slide the weave onto it, and iron it on. After it has cooled, you can pour marine spar varnish or a clear epoxy on it. For a finishing touch, glue some felt table protector disks onto the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!"
Bizarre beliefs in the Dark Ages
___________________________________________________ Resume bloopers: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always looking for empty shirts. "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." Tell Greg not to apply here either. "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." If somebody calls you after 5:30, it will be a telemarketer. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. Don't call us, we'll call you. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 5 in
1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the Teutonic
Knights. 

1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe
in Virginia. 

1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill. 

1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British crown
colony. 

1892 Walter H. Coe patented gold leaf in rolls. 

1892 In New York, the Ithaca Daily Journal published an ad
introducing a new 10 cent Ice Cream Specialty called a Cherry
Sunday. 

1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the Russians
retreated. 

1919 Eamon de Valera became president of Ireland. 

1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first regular
production of balloon tires. 

1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India. 

1933 The first operation to remove a lung was performed at Barnes
Hospital in St. Louis, MO. 

1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in
preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans. 

1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death
for committing espionage for the Soviet Union. 

1953 Jomo Kenyatta was convicted and sentenced to 7 years in prison
for orchestrating the Mau-Mau rebellion in Kenya. 

1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister. 

1985 John McEnroe said "any man can beat any woman at any sport,
especially tennis." 

1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. The
U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on April 15, 1986.

1989 In Poland, accords were signed between Solidarity and the
government that set free elections for June 1989. The eight-year ban
on Solidarity was also set to be lifted. 

1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the largest
suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku and Honshu. The
bridge cost about $3.8 billion. 

1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 were
handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands for trial. 270
people were killed in the bombing. 

1999 In Laramie, WY, Russell Henderson pled guilty to kidnapping and
felony murder in the death of Matthew Shepard. 

2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning struck the
jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on. 

2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, prompting an
emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council. 

2018  smiled.


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Saving during power failure 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 4

Happy 60th Anniversary, Norm!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC woman named 'Beers' charged with DUI 
in Florida
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 4 in
1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi alliance and 
occupied by Russia. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. --- Mike Myers There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity. --- Robertson Davies Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." --- Albert Einstein _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two men who work in the same office are talking about their sons who are in their first year of college. "You know," says one, "my boy's letters nowadays always send me to the dictionary." "You're lucky," says the other. "My son's letters always send me to the bank." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Holy Ghost Orchid _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here." _____________________________________________________ Yesterday's mugshot: Nicole Johnson An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jennifer Poelter Beers, 46, St Augustine beach, Floriduh NC woman named 'Beers' charged with DUI in Florida A North Carolina woman faces charges, including a DUI, after multiple hit-and-runs were reported Tuesday evening in St. Augustine Beach. The officer said he saw a woman, later identified as 46-year-old Jennifer Poelter Beers, driving southbound with no headlights on the intersection of the A1A Beach Boulevard and A Street intersection. The officer noted Beers making U-turns and appearing to be lost, the arrest report stated. The report said, that at one point, the driver made a U-turn into oncoming traffic. The officer noted Beers making U-turns and appearing to be lost, the arrest report stated. The report said, that at one point, the driver made a U-turn into oncoming traffic. Watch: Rare centuries-old ship washes ashore in Ponte Vedra Beach While making the U-turn, Beers nearly struck a fence at a public parking lot, the officer reported. The officer said he conducted a traffic stop and could smell alcohol on the the woman's breath. The officer also noted fresh damage on Beers' Infiniti G37, including damage on its front bumper, hood and passenger-side fender. An open beer can was seen in the back seat of the vehicle, and Beers' told the officer she had two beers that night, according to the arrest report. The officer then had received a call during the traffic stop with Beers about a hit-and-run in the area of 17 4th Street. The police department had in turn received a call from a witness about a silver vehicle that struck a parked, unattended car and left the scene. According to the arrest report, the complaint said the driver almost struck a pedestrian during the alleged hit-and-run. The officer later received information from St. Johns County dispatch that three hit-and-runs happened in the same area. The damage on Beers' vehicle matched the damage of the unattended vehicle, according to the arrest report. Beers was arrested and faces hit-and-run and DUI charges. Tech Support Pits From: Nellie Re: Saving during power failure
Dear Webby Is it true that you should not try to save stuff while the electricity is failing? I have a few seconds on my UPS to bridge short blips, but was told not to frantically try to save anything, in case the blip turns into a longer outage. What's the real story? Nellie Dear Nellie That advice is absolutely correct. If you are trying to save a long document or large spreadsheet and the write power fizzles out while saving, you most likely trash that document, maybe even the hard drive. At best, you will be able to re-use the oldest parts of it, but you most likely will miss the newest ones. If your data is important to you, get a UPS that can run your machine for a few minutes and allow you to properly save and shut down. Otherwise just relax. It is better to lose the last two minutes than the entire hard drive. Naturally, you should set your Auto-Safe to 2 minutes. Have FUN DearWebby
When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water. "We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them." As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge. It read: BEAVERS 23 RANGERS 22
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. "Well," said the dentist "I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily." "Who said anything about my mouth?" the woman answered."They don’t fit in the glass!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mixing Meatloaf and Other Sticky Things When mixing meat loaf or patting marshmallow candy into a pan, kneading pizza dough etc., I first spray my hands with non-stick cooking spray. It keeps the food from sticking and washes off easily with soap and water. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Instead of the outrageusly expensive cooking spray I use regular cooking oil in an 80's Amway pistol grip window sprayer<. It wors as well. Any sprayer like that will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby/font> ____________________________________________________ An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
Cirque du Soleil - Behind The Scenes
___________________________________________________ Is the bank account for a girdle business called a truss fund? Or is that stretching it a bit? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 4 in
0896 Formosus ended his reign as pope. 

1541 Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general of the
Jesuits. 

1581 Francis Drake was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I. A few months
earlier he became the first Englishman to circumnavigate the world. 

1687 King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence be
read in church. 

1812 The territory of Orleans became the 18th U.S. state and will
become known as Louisiana. 

1818 A plan was passsed by the U.S. Congress that the U.S. flag
would have 13 red and white stripes and 20 stars and that a new star
would be added for the each new state. 

1841 U.S. President William Henry Harrison, at the age of 68, became
the first president to die in office. He had been sworn in only a
month before he died of pneumonia. 

1850 The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 

1902 British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his will
that would provide scholarships for Americans to Oxford University
in England. 

1905 In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 

1914 The first known serialized moving picture opened in New York
City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 

1917 The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I on the Allied
side in order to boost the US economy.

1918 The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British against the
German Army ended. 

1932 After five years of research, professor C.G. King, of the
University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 

1945 Hungary was liberated from Nazi alliance and occupied by
Russia. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi death camp
Ohrdruf in Germany. 

1949 Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North Atlantic
Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1953 Fifteen doctors were released by Soviet leaders. The doctors
had been arrested before Stalin had died and were accused of
plotting against him. 

1967 The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 

1967 Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned three weeks
later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week. 

1968 Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39. 

1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary artificial
heart. 

1973 In New York, the original World Trade Center twin towers
opened. At the time they were the tallest building in the world. 

1975 More than 130 people, most of them children, were killed when a
U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating Vietnamese orphans
crashed
just after takeoff from Saigon. 

1979 Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was executed.
He had been convicted of conspiring to murder a political opponent. 

1981 Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American elected mayor
of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio, TX. 

1983 At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took off on its
first flight. It was the sixth flight overall for the shuttle
program. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on chemical
weapons. 

1985 In Sudan, a coup ousted President Nimeiry and replaced him with
General Dahab. 

1986 Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of the
season. 

1987 The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a U.S.
Embassy. 

1988 Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by the
Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting state funds to
his auto business and of trying to impede an investigation into a
death threat to a grand jury witness. 

1991 Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were killed
when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over a schoolyard in
Merion, PA. 

1992 Sali Berisha became the first non-Marxist president of Albania
since World War II. 

1994 Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was founded. 

2018  smiled.


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Newsletters in spam folder 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman said her feelings were 
hurt during DUI stop
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 3 in
1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and
Filipino troops at Bataan. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter (1763 - 1825) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicole Johnson, 46, St Johns County, Floriduh Florida woman said her feelings were hurt during DUI stop A 46-year-old St. Johns County woman faces charges of DUI and negligence after she was stopped while drinking vodka in the car on County Road 210, a report said. Nicole Johnson had her 7-year-old son in the car during the midday stop on March 19, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said. taken into custody of the Florida Department of Children and Families. Deputies said Johnson was driving all over the road and finally stopped her vehicle near at I-95 and County Road 210. She fell down multiple times while being questioned, the report said. Johnson was spotted with a clear liquid in the center console of the car. Johnson admitted the clear liquid was new Amsterdam Vodka. While she was being taken to jail, Johnson repeatedly said her feelings were hurt and that she "didn't want to kill them, but knew we had to but it hurt her feelings." Johnson was referring to chickens, the report said. Johnson refused to take a breath test. She was taken to Flagler Hospital to be checked out before she was returned to the St. Johns County Jail. Johnson was released on $2,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Ev Re: Newsletter in spam folder
Dear Webby's Humor Letter - Daily Newsletter Hi---I think I am subscribed to your "Webby" newsletter and = humor......However, the copy you sent ended up in my Spam section and I jsut discovered it...Can you find a way to bypass the Spam problem for me....I would enjoy the newsleter.. Ev Dear Ev All I do is write and send the Humor Letter out to you. Once it has entered the Peoplepc.com server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. How you set your spam controls, that is entirely up to you. If you want, you can contact peoplepc support and get them to help you correct your spam control settings. Have FUN DearWebby
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Bacon Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at 400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
See what's blooming in the Arizona desert now.
___________________________________________________ Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone" they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. "How in the world did you do that ?" they asked. "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's and this one is Mr.Smith's." "Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 3 in
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida. He had
sighted the land the day before. 

1776 George Washington received an honorary Doctor of Laws degree
from Harvard College . 

1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 

1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and
Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. The Pony
Express only lasted about a year and a half. 

1865 Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia. 

1866 Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking and
shaping machine for hats. 

1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back and killed
by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was later controversy over
whether it was actually Jesse James that had been killed. 

1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North America
was climbed. 

1933 First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt informed newspaper reporters that
beer would be served at the White House. This followed the March 22
legislation that legalized "3.2" beer. 

1936 Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping and
death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. 

1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and
Filipino troops at Bataan. 

1946 Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander responsible
for the Bataan Death March, was executed in the Philippines. 

1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to revive
war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16 countries. 

1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be brainwashing
American prisoners. They did Traitor McCain.

1968 Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "mountaintop" speech just
24 hours before he was assassinated. 

1968 North Vietnam agreed to meet with U.S. representatives to set
up preliminary peace talks. 

1972 Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a twenty-year
absence. 

1979 Jane Byrne became the first female mayor in Chicago. 

1983 It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had overrun a
key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 

1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva Convention by
deporting Shiite prisoners. 

1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 

1987 Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to Santiago,
Chili. 

1996 An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron Brown
crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 

1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He pled
guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in exchange for a
life sentence without chance for parole. 

2010 The first Apple iPad was released. 

2018  smiled.


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Do you need more RAM for a bigger hard drive? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 2

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Huffer sideswipes multiple cars in 
front of courthouse
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 2 in
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by
the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. Denmark was on the side of
Democracy, England was pro Monarchy.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. --- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642) Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four. --- Katharine Hepburn (1907 - 2003) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Judi had just returned to the United States from a month-long trip to Europe. She'd been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. Bob met her at the airline gate, hugged her, and asked, "So, how was your trip?" "Oh, it was terrible,." she replied, "The scenery was nice, but the whole place is just full of foreigners." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Isla Mouro _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guywas right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Lappin, 50, Jacksonville, Floriduh Huffer sideswipes multiple cars in front of courthouse A woman is facing a DUI charge after she drove the wrong way on West Adams Street directly in front of the Duval County Courthouse and sideswiped multiple cars, police said. Christina Lappin, 50, told police she'd gotten off the highway and was disoriented. According to authorities, she had no memory of hitting several cars on West Adams Street. Police said Lappin turned around and stopped in front of the courthouse after officers confronted her. Police pulled the keys from the ignition and searched her car. The search revealed two cans of duster canned air, police said. According to her arrest report, Lappin huffed one of the cans before she was pulled from the car by an officer. She's charged with DUI with property damage and driving without a license. Let's hope this dangerous huffer rams a garbage truck next instead of a school bus! Tech Support Pits From: Eileen Re: More RAM for bigger hard drive ?
Dear Webby, Is it true that I have to install more RAM into my Toshiba Satellite if I get a bigger hard drive? Eileen Dear Eileen No, you won't need more RAM because of a bigger hard drive. RAM is just temporary scratch pad memory, not permanent storage memory. Think of it as an electronic Etch-A-Sketch scratch pad that the computer uses to temporarily keep notes. When you write an email, it keeps that in RAM until you finish fixing the typos and hit SEND. Then it send it and permanently writes a copy of it to the OUT mailbox on the hard drive, and shakes the Etch-A-Sketch and clears that email off the RAM. The computer also temporarily stores parts of open programs on the RAM, so that it does not have to keep looking them up on the hard drive. If you were one of the silly people who bought all kinds of utilities for supposedly speeding up or cleaning your computer, then your RAM might get crowded with all that junk. Once you un-install all that stuff and bring your machine back to stock, it will be the same speed demon it was when you bought it. RAM does not get slower with age. Have FUN DearWebby
Thanks to Rolly for this story: Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Start, Turn Off." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this you think they would serve a better wine."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. By Sue Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly. Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."
Funny pictures of people trying to take photos of mirrors they're selling
___________________________________________________ The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 2 in

$2.50 Quarter Eagle gold coins, silver dollars, dollars, quarters,
dimes and half-dimes to be minted. 

1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by
the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. Denmark was on the side of
Democracy, England was pro Monarchy.

1860 The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 

1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered streetcar. 

1877 The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the White House
in Washington, DC. 

1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum. 

1902 The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles with the
name Electric Theatre. 

1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel went
under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 

1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial synthesis
of rubber. 

1914 The U.S. Federal Reserve Board announced plans to divide the
country into 12 districts. 

1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war
against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 

1932 A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles and
Anna Lindbergh. He child was not returned and was found dead the
next month. 

1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. It had been
invented in germany, but they never patented it.

1944 The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed the Prut
River and entered Romania. 

1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as trustee
for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 

1951 U.S. General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of all allied
forces in the Western Mediterranean area and Europe. 

1958 The National Advisory Council on Aeronautics was renamed NASA. 

1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed the
country an independent state within the French community. 

1963 Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first non-violent
campaign in Birmingham, AL. 

1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and Da
Nang for an end to military rule. 

1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao foe
Liu Shao-chi. 

1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 

1981 In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed during
fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was the worst
violence since the 1976 cease fire. 

1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. The
following June Britain took the islands back. The Falklands had be
Argentinian before, buit Britain took them. 
Argentina gave up after a British sub sank the only Argentinian war
ship. 

1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they
opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 

1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded
under a seat killing four Americans. 

1987 The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was increased to 65
miles per hour in limited areas. 

1989 An editorial in the "New York Times" declared that the Cold War
was over. 

1989 General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a coup
attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's U.S.-backed
efforts to fight drug trafficking. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half of
Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy against
Iraq. 

1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and
racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 

1995 The costliest strike in professional sports history ended when
baseball owners agreed to let players play without a contract. 

1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political and
economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former Soviet
republics. 

1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the Gdansk
shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who became
Poland's first post-war democratic president. 

2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More than
200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel invaded
Bethlehem. 

2013 The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Arms Trade
Treaty to regulate the international trade of conventional weapons. 

2014 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total amount of
money individuals can give political candidates and political action
committees were unconstitutional. 

2018  smiled.


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How to turn an upside down screen upright again 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 1

Happy Easter!


Easter





Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Vomit-covered woman arrested after 
huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 1 in
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, 
created the "$" symbol. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen George Burns (1896 - 1996) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) ---------- They do so! April 1 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thursday, March 29, 2018: Egypt's famous Giza pyramid complex towers over the Western Desert in this view from the European Space Agency's Proba-1 minisatellite. The largest of the three pyramids (bottom left) is the Great Pyramid of Giza. To its right is the slightly smaller Pyramid of Khafre, and the smallest of the three is the Pyramid of Menkaure. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Irvin, 34, Callahan, Floriduh Vomit-covered woman arrested after huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens A Callahan woman was arrested after she repeatedly inhaled air duster bottles over the course of six hours, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Tammy Irvin, 34, had vomit on her shirt and was still clutching a bottle of air duster when confronted by a deputy in a Walgreens parking lot on March 20, the report said. The heater in her Ford F-150 was turned on to the highest setting, consistent with heating a bottle of air duster, the report said. The arresting deputy said three other bottles were on the floorboard of the truck. Employees of the Walgreens said that Irvin bought a bottle of compressed air at 10:21 a.m., a second at 12:09 p.m., a third at 1:38 p.m. and a fourth at 3:58 p.m. Irvin told deputies said she was just going to sit in her truck and "not go anywhere." Irvin is charged with inhalation of a dangerous chemical. One more bottle, and she would have received a Darwin Award. Usually kids stop experimenting with huffing at age 14, when they realize that they don't get stoned from the refrigerant in the duster cans, they just feel weird for a bit, and some even pass out from that. Like with inhaling gasoline fumes, they just feel weird and sick. For most kids once is enough. Very few adults are dumb enough to huff. One of them will get tomorrow's bonehead award. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Turned monitor
Dear Webby, Last year on April Fools day some a**hole did some trick as he was walking by on his way out, and turned my screen 90 degrees. I could not fix that and had to send the computer to the shop. It cost me $120 to get it fixed, and they would not even tell me how they fixed it. They said they just worked on it and suddenly the screen was upright again. Just in case somebody else tries that, how can I fix it without paying the idjits at the shop? By the way, I punished the a**hole with skunk oil in his keyboard and on his chair seat once a month, every month. Thanks Chris Dear Chris On single monitor setups it is easy: CTRL ALT (down Arrow) or Left or right arrow turns the screen. Don't get impatient and expect instant results. If you keep hitting that key combination, the action lags behind the keys and you and your machine will get as confused as the bozos at your computer repair shop. Try one combo, and count to 30 while you wait for your machine to recalculate the screen. If you have a 2 monitor setup, don't even try that method. It will make it worse. IN that case, forget all the easy or common sense approaches. Remember, you are dealing with Microsoft and really weird dope now. Right-Click a blank spot on the desktop. Slect SCREEN RESOLUTION. Don't ask me why. I don't smoke that stuff. In SCREEN RESOLUTION, use IDENTIFY to tell you which is monitor #1 and which is #2. SELECT the monitor, that needs to be turned. Sometimes you can upright one of the monitors with the key combos, but be really patient! Don't expect instant results! OK, so you select the naughty monitor and change the orientation in the pull-down to LANDSCAPE. Hit OK, and that monitor is OK. You may have to step through that rigmarole for the other monitor too. Just in case somebody else tries the same stunt, stock up on the skunk oil, and put some in his shoes too! Have FUN DearWebby
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!"
World Easter, holy week fast facts.
___________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 1 in
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 

1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland
and captured the small town of Briel. 

1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with
Native Americans. 

1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 

1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$"
symbol. 

1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 

1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 

1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a
regular salary. 

1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S.


1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson
by the Travelers Insurance Company. 

1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E.
Lee began his final offensive. 

1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 

1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 

1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia
killing 547. 

1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 

1881 Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 

1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 

1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 

1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The
company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 

1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of
Kenya. 

1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 

1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air
Force. 

1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high
treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 

1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 

1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His
Master's Voice. 

1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 

1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 

1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for
a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800
feet over Los Angeles, CA. 

1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 

1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish
businesses. 

1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 

1937 Aden became a British colony. 

1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were
introduced. 

1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of
Spanish civil war. 

1941 The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio
station began on W71NY in New York City. 

1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the
last campaign of World War II. 

1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 

1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more
than 170 people. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 

1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under
Italian administration. 

1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by
Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 

1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 

1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 

1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their
strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai
massacre. 

1970 U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health
Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be
effective on January 1, 1971. 

1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 

1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive
in South Vietnam. 

1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 

1976 Apple Computer began operations. 

1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah
Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 

1980 A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice-premier Tariq
Aziz occurred. 

1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 

1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 

1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish
Sea. 

1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The
walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've
declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 

1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5 years. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred
from serving due to their race. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 

1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual harassment
lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying that the claims fell
"far short" of being worthy of a trial. 

1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to
death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the
killings occurred in a 6-month period. 

1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved
from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covered about
772,000 square miles. 

2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after
an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot
was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April
11, 2001. 

2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on
corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his
Belgrade villa. 

2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast.


2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of
Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an
assault on a pregnant woman. 

2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188
stores on April 9. 

2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty
Organization (NATO). 

2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by
21%. 

2018  smiled.


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How to turn an upside down screen up right again 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 1

Happy Easter!


Easter





Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Vomit-covered woman arrested after 
huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, April 1 in
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, 
created the "$" symbol. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen George Burns (1896 - 1996) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) ---------- They do so! April 1 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thursday, March 29, 2018: Egypt's famous Giza pyramid complex towers over the Western Desert in this view from the European Space Agency's Proba-1 minisatellite. The largest of the three pyramids (bottom left) is the Great Pyramid of Giza. To its right is the slightly smaller Pyramid of Khafre, and the smallest of the three is the Pyramid of Menkaure. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Irvin, 34, Callahan, Floriduh Vomit-covered woman arrested after huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens A Callahan woman was arrested after she repeatedly inhaled air duster bottles over the course of six hours, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Tammy Irvin, 34, had vomit on her shirt and was still clutching a bottle of air duster when confronted by a deputy in a Walgreens parking lot on March 20, the report said. The heater in her Ford F-150 was turned on to the highest setting, consistent with heating a bottle of air duster, the report said. The arresting deputy said three other bottles were on the floorboard of the truck. Employees of the Walgreens said that Irvin bought a bottle of compressed air at 10:21 a.m., a second at 12:09 p.m., a third at 1:38 p.m. and a fourth at 3:58 p.m. Irvin told deputies said she was just going to sit in her truck and "not go anywhere." Irvin is charged with inhalation of a dangerous chemical. One more bottle, and she would have received a Darwin Award. Usually kids stop experimenting with huffing at age 14, when they realize that they don't get stoned from the refrigerant in the duster cans, they just feel weird for a bit, and some even pass out from that. Like with inhaling gasoline fumes, they just feel weird and sick. For most kids once is enough. Very few adults are dumb enough to huff. One of them will get tomorrow's bonehead award. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Turned monitor
Dear Webby, Last year on April Fools day some a**hole did some trick as he was walking by on his way out, and turned my screen 90 degrees. I could not fix that and had to send the computer to the shop. It cost me $120 to get it fixed, and they would not even tell me how they fixed it. They said they just worked on it and suddenly the screen was upright again. Just in case somebody else tries that, how can I fix it without paying the idjits at the shop? By the way, I punished the a**hole with skunk oil in his keyboard and on his chair seat once a month, every month. Thanks Chris Dear Chris On single monitor setups it is easy: CTRL ALT (down Arrow) or Left or right arrow turns the screen. Don't get impatient and expect instant results. If you keep hitting that key combination, the action lags behind the keys and you and your machine will get as confused as the bozos at your computer repair shop. Try one combo, and count to 30 while you wait for your machine to recalculate the screen. If you have a 2 monitor setup, don't even try that method. It will make it worse. IN that case, forget all the easy or common sense approaches. Remember, you are dealing with Microsoft and really weird dope now. Right-Click a blank spot on the desktop. Slect SCREEN RESOLUTION. Don't ask me why. I don't smoke that stuff. In SCREEN RESOLUTION, use IDENTIFY to tell you which is monitor #1 and which is #2. SELECT the monitor, that needs to be turned. Sometimes you can upright one of the monitors with the key combos, but be really patient! Don't expect instant results! OK, so you select the naughty monitor and change the orientation in the pull-down to LANDSCAPE. Hit OK, and that monitor is OK. You may have to step through that rigmarole for the other monitor too. Just in case somebody else tries the same stunt, stock up on the skunk oil, and put some in his shoes too! Have FUN DearWebby
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!"
World Easter, holy week fast facts.
___________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, April 1 in
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 

1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland
and captured the small town of Briel. 

1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with
Native Americans. 

1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 

1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$"
symbol. 

1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 

1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 

1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a
regular salary. 

1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S.


1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson
by the Travelers Insurance Company. 

1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E.
Lee began his final offensive. 

1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 

1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 

1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia
killing 547. 

1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 

1881 Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 

1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 

1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 

1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The
company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 

1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of
Kenya. 

1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 

1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air
Force. 

1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high
treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 

1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 

1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His
Master's Voice. 

1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 

1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 

1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for
a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800
feet over Los Angeles, CA. 

1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 

1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish
businesses. 

1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 

1937 Aden became a British colony. 

1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were
introduced. 

1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of
Spanish civil war. 

1941 The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio
station began on W71NY in New York City. 

1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the
last campaign of World War II. 

1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 

1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more
than 170 people. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 

1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under
Italian administration. 

1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by
Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 

1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 

1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 

1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their
strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai
massacre. 

1970 U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health
Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be
effective on January 1, 1971. 

1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 

1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive
in South Vietnam. 

1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 

1976 Apple Computer began operations. 

1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah
Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 

1980 A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice-premier Tariq
Aziz occurred. 

1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 

1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 

1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish
Sea. 

1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The
walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've
declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 

1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5 years. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred
from serving due to their race. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 

1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual harassment
lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying that the claims fell
"far short" of being worthy of a trial. 

1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to
death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the
killings occurred in a 6-month period. 

1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved
from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covered about
772,000 square miles. 

2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after
an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot
was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April
11, 2001. 

2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on
corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his
Belgrade villa. 

2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast.


2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of
Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an
assault on a pregnant woman. 

2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188
stores on April 9. 

2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty
Organization (NATO). 

2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by
21%. 

2018  smiled.


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Family Tree Maker 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 31


Easter


Tonight there will be a Blue Moon.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Autistic boy, 11, raped by dad and girlfriend 
in Alabama ‘because they thought he was gay’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 31 in
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
10th province. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to. --- Granville Hicks (1901 - 1982) Oregano is the spice of life. --- Henry J. Tillman _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later" ______________________________________________________ "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from yelling for two hours." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Learn to fly here Learn to land there <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?" "Not by anyone I know of." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sean Cole, 29, Khadeijah Moore, 21 Huntsville, Alabama Autistic boy, 11, raped by dad and girlfriend in Alabama ‘because they thought he was gay’ Sean Cole, 29, and Khadeijah Moore, 21, face life in jail after being found guilty of the horrific crimes in Huntsville, Alabama. The 11-year-old, who lives with his mother in Georgia, had been visiting his father for Thanksgiving in 2016, when the sexual assault took place. The court heard how Cole found him in what he considered a ‘compromising position’ with another boy and became angry. In response, he made Moore have sex with the boy. Cole then instructed him to carry a sex act out on Moore. Tim Douthit, the prosecutor on the case, told AL.com: ‘It was solely that he was worried that his son was gay, or might become gay. There was no evidence he had a sexual attraction to his son or children. ‘He just thought he could, for lack of better words, ‘straighten him out’. The boy’s mother became suspicious when the boy returned to Georgia and began asking questions about sex. He eventually told her what had happened and she drove immediately to Huntsville to contact local police. The couple was arrested in January 2017. Douthit said that when a forensic interviewer asked the boy about the rape, the boy said he thought at the time: ‘Why is my dad doing this to me?’ Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker
Dear Webby, do you have a family tree maker? maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. There are lots of them available on the web, but I don't know which ones are good. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" Have FUN DearWebby
Being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like the boss.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chris for this story: My wife and her friend were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener." "I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Girl Guide troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a couple was engaged in an activity that had their heads pointing in different dirctions. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Standing Ninja Eggs By attosa [568 Posts, 3,046 Comments] Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank!" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. " ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 31 in
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the
Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to
Christianity. 

1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military action
in Crimea. 

1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with Japan.
The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to American
trade. 

1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place at
Island 10 on the Mississippi River. 

1870 In Perth Amboy, NJ, Thomas Munday Peterson became the first
black to vote in the U.S. 

1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely
illuminated with electric light. 

1885 Binney & Smith Company was founded in New York City. The
company later became Crayola, LLC. 

1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 

1900 The W.E. Roach Company was the first automobile company to
put an advertisement in a national magazine. The magazine was the
"Saturday Evening Post". 

1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the
workday for women and children to 11 hours. 

1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-Revolutionaries
with the arrests of 72 people and the seizing of two printing
presses. 

1902 In Tennessee, 22 coal miners were killed by an explosion. 

1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the
British. 

1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for
an independent state of Morocco. 

1906 The Conference on Moroccan Reforms in Algerciras ended after
two months with France and Germany in agreement. 

1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to
await a wage adjustment. 

1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 

1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands
from Denmark for $25 million. 

1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time went
into effect. 

1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the
thousands of coal miners on strike. 

1923 In New York City, the first U.S. dance marathon was held.
Alma Cummings set a new world record of 27 hours. 

1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 

1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps
to relieve rampant unemployment. 

1933 The "Soperton News" in Georgia became the first newspaper to
publish using a pine pulp paper. 

1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland and start another
world war if Germany threatened invasion. 

1940 La Guardia airport in New York officially opened to the
public. 

1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 

1945 "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams opened on
Broadway. 

1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 

1947 John L. Lewis called a strike in sympathy for the miners
killed in an explosion in Centralia, IL, on March 25, 1947. 

1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western trains
headed toward Berlin. 

1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only thing
that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 

1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 10th
province. 

1958 The U.S. Navy formed the atomic submarine division. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) began exile by
crossing the border into India where he was granted political
asylum. Gyatso was the 14th Daila Lama. 

1960 The South African government declared a state of emergency
after demonstrations led to the death of more than 50 Africans.

1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in New York
City. (New York) 

1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first
spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 

1967 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson signed the Consular Treaty, the
first bi-lateral pact with the Soviet Union since the Bolshevik
Revolution. 

1970 The U.S. forces in Vietnam down a MIG-21, it was the first
since September 1968. 

1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 

1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian terrorists were
killed after hijacking an airplane on March 28. 

1985 ABC-TV aired the 200th episode of "The Love Boat." 

1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed
in Los Angeles. 

1987 HBO (Home Box Office) earned its first Oscar for "Down and
Out in America". 

1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 

1991 Albania offered a multi-party election for the first time in
50 years. Incumbent President Ramiz Alia won. 

1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from
Kurdish guerillas. 

1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of
Australopithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The finding
is of humankind's earliest ancestor. 

1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on Yugoslavia. 

1998 For the first time in U.S. history the federal government's
detailed financial statement was released. This occurred under the
Clinton administration. 

1999 Three U.S. soldiers were captured by Yugoslav soldiers three
miles from the Yugoslav border in Macedonia. 

2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to a
doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration of the
Ten Commandments, at more than 900. In Kanungu, a March 17 fire at
the cult's church killed more than 530 and authorities
subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the
cult. 

2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 

2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-
mail service called Gmail. 

2018  smiled.


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Tripod substitute 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Easter


Tomorrow night there will be a Blue Moon.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children 
with meth, letting men sexually assault them
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 30 in
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
 dollars. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ______________________________________________________ A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never had an eye examination." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's third best?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michelle Mayer, 39, Eau Claire, Wisconsin Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children with meth, letting men sexually assault them A Wisconsin mother allegedly let men abuse two young children for years in exchange for drugs and money, according to WEAU. Michelle Mayer, 39, of Eau Claire, has been charged with two counts of repeated sexual assault of a child, party to a crime. The abuse apparently started years ago when Mayer allowed different men into her mother’s house, according to WTMJ. The men allegedly gave Mayer meth, cocaine and money, and, in return, she allowed them to sexually and physically assault two children she was trafficking, ages 6 and 9, according to a criminal complaint. Mayer would also allow the men to photograph the children naked and would inject them with meth to keep them awake, a confidential informant told police. The same informant estimated that the abuse happened “every other day” for up to nine years, WTMJ reports. If the children refused to cooperate, Mayer would beat them, including at least one instance when she struck one of them with a baseball bat, according to the informant. Mayer faces up to 80 years in prison, according to WQOW, and police are now investigating the men who allegedly assaulted the children. Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Tripod substitute
Dear Webby, What can I use as a substitute for a tripod? I really don't want to lug a tripod around. All it does is promote stupid questions. "Oh, you take pictures?" No, I bash idjits. Thanks Erin Dear Erin There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse or even smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Save the Nauga! They are almost extinct! Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut after filling it. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, window sill, headboard, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a gift and keep it around a lot longer than the current camera. DearWebby
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came upon an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but the driver went right through the red light. The passenger screamed at the driver, "What are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver said, "All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time." They came to another intersection, but this time the light was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now? This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>from Charles "My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Louise for this story: ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.
Death Valley wild flowers.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sue for this story: The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand? Did they get both ears with one shot?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 30 in
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 

1814 The European nations allied against Napoleon marched into
Paris. 

1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 

1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his
patient was anesthetized by ether. 

1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded
the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery
legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 

1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. (Treaty
of Paris) 

1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 

1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
dollars. 

1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless
of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 

1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought U.S.
troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests. 

1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate in
the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 

1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan
and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 

1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for
government jobs. 

1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 

1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38
warships. 

1939 The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on newstands.
This comic introduced Batman. 

1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in
Nanking, China. 

1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its
first offensive against British forces in Libya. 

1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 

1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 

1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi
party in Frankfurt. 

1947 Lord Mountbatten arrived in India as the new Viceroy. 

1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 

1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a
saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 

1957 Tunisia and Morocco signed a friendship treaty in Rabat. 

1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern
Ireland. 

1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops
crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion
of South Vietnam. 

1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South
Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 

1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in
Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and
Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 

1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its
longest test flight after 8 days in space. 

1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational peace
force in Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85
million. 

1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for
war crimes committed in Bosnia. 

1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home
run. 

1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in
Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each
other. 

1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 

2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern
Philippines. 

2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at a
temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four
policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were
injured. 

2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed that
the new World Trade Center building would be officially known by
its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 

2018  smiled.


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Shade for camera LCD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 29


Easter


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
PA DUI driver vomited out the window, 
swerved into oncoming traffic
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 28 in
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Unknown And now there is FaceBook _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!" "And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for sending this story: Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Foxglove _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Ed Recently my girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Bello, 30, Lancaster, Pennsylvania DUI driver vomited out the window, swerved into oncoming traffic Police arrested a man on St. Patrick’s Day who they say was driving under the influence and vomiting out the window at the same time in Lancaster County. Michael Bello, 30, of Lancaster, is charged with two counts of driving under the influence and driving on wrong side of roadway. Police said the incident happened around 2 p.m. in Manor Township and East Hempfield Township. “East Hempfield and Manor Township Police were notified by Lancaster County Radio of a possible DUI driving south on Rohrerstown Road near Columbia Avenue. The driver was to be vomiting out of the car and swerving into oncoming traffic,” police said. “The vehicle was stopped by police on Millersville Road at Charlestown Road. Bello was taken into custody and a chemical test of his breath confirmed he was Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol.” Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Shading Camera LCD
Dear Webby, I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun. Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare on the LCD screen? Thanks for the letter & help section. Sharon Dear Sharon Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight, black or navy satin. You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward. You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on the outside and lined with black on the inside. A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another photographer. You'll never get it back. DearWebby
>From Bobbie Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
The most amazing archival treasures that were digitized in 2017
___________________________________________________ A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? I'm not mad at you!' ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 29 in
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English thrown by
defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 

1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession of
the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 

1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 

1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create
the Dominion of Canada. 

1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 

1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on
Marconi's wireless. 

1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job seeking
higher wages. 

1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to finance
the new military budget. 

1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 

1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 

1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the Peloponnesus
coast in the Mediterranean. 

1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began during
World War II. 

1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an African
parliamentary majority. 

1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 

1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were
convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were executed in
June 19, 1953. 

1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 

1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 

1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty of
the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. He
was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result of
the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 

1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 

1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft
to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3,
1973. 

1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would reopen
the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 

1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. House
of Representatives stated the assassination of President John F.
Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 

1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube. (U.S.
Patent 4,378,116) 

1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant
in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the Silverdome in
Pontiac, MI. 

1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said "I
didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to when he
had experimented with marijuana. 

1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support
to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops
during World War II. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional
amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the U.S.
House and Senate. 

2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and
Slovenia became members of NATO. 

2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest
structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 

2018  smiled.


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Lighting for large indoor pictures 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 28

Easter

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Men use spaghetti sauce to try to 
start fire after burglary
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 28 in
2010 - china's zhejiang geely holding group co. Signed a deal to
buy ford motor co.'S volvo car unit.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?" She replied, "No, no, puppies....." ______________________________________________________ The parish priest very furtively calls the mother superior into his office. This is how their conversation went: "Sister, I want to show you something." "What is it, Father? "Come into my private room & close the blinds." "WHAT?!" "I said....." "I heard what you said - I just can't believe you're saying it!" "Well, I really need you to come in." Curious, the nun does as she is told. "Here, sit on the bed beside me." "I have to get out of here." "Aren't you the least bit curious?" Well, the nun was so she sat down beside him. "Get under the covers." "WHAT?????!!!!!" The nun was really freaking out. "It doesn't work otherwise!" After much coaxing, the nun does get under the covers with him. He whispers: "Come closer." Nervously, she does get closer. "See," the priest whispers gleefully, "my new watch does glow in the dark!!!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ How the sun changed during the current 22 year cycle Click through for the big picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bernice for this story: My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names." "Fine!", I told her. "Tell Ian that if he doesn't call me in ten minutes I will blow his a** off." and slammed the phone. He called in two minutes. ----------------------- Yeah, when a woman says "Fine!", men know there is going to be trouble. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Irving, 36, John Silva, 28, Deland, Florida Men use spaghetti sauce to try to start fire after burglary Two men are accused of breaking into the home of a man they both dated, stealing several items, then leaving spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth placed near the burner in an attempt to start a fire, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. The victim called 911 about 7 a.m. Tuesday because the security cameras in his home on Evergreen Terrace in DeLand detected motion and he believed someone was breaking in because a towel had been placed over one of the cameras, the report said. Deputies went to the residence and saw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave the area. A stop was conducted and the driver, 28-year-old John Silva, and passenger, Derrick Irving, told the deputy that they had just picked up some clothes from the victim's home, according to the affidavit. The victim told News 6 that Irving was wearing a bull costume. The deputy said she could see a marijuana grinder in the center console and a vacuum, window A/C unit, flat-screen television and heater in the back seat. An empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce was also on the passenger's seat, the report said. Deputies said both men initially denied burglarizing the victim's home, instead saying that Irving told Silva he lived at the home and needed a ride there to retrieve some clothes and other items. The home reeked of smoke when deputies entered it, according to the report. A pot of spaghetti sauce was found burning on the stove with a white washcloth placed near the burner that had just begun to catch fire, according to the affidavit. "He was trying to make it look like I left the stove on but who gets up 2 a.m. and fixes sketti," the victim said. The deputy extinguished the flames then continued searching the home. Evidence at the scene revealed that Silva and Irving broke into the home, covered the security cameras, stole the items, then put the spaghetti sauce on the stove in an attempt to start a fire so the evidence would be destroyed, according to authorities. Silva and Irving told deputies that they both had romantic or sexual encounters with the victim in the past. "It started out as a relationship, that lasted about a week," the victim said. "I've let him use my car for four months, maybe he's angry about that. Or maybe he's angry because I gave him $150 to fix his teeth." Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson. Silva is being held on $25,500 bond and Irving is being held without bond because officials say he violated his probation. Tech Support Pits From: Georgina Re: Lighting
Dear Webby I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret for indoor pictures? Thanks Georgina Dear Georgina You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave flash, held about as far away as you can reach. If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about $12 and provide a very nice and warm light. Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to the side of you and an arms length higher than the camera. You might have seen clip-art or drawings of potographers in the mid 1800s, where they held up a metal dust pan loaded with magnesium for a bright flash. Keep that in mind when placing your light. Have FUN! DearWebby
Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade boy did so without error. "Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady who was standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant Cuttings for Gifts I often give plants that I have started from cuttings as gifts. To brighten these up I use a water pic from the florist with one or 2 blossoms from my yard to add a bit of color. I stick the pic into the soil, and make a bow that matches in color or compliments the flowers or the pot and voila! By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK."
Ceramics and Pottery Masters. I've always wanted to try this.
___________________________________________________ The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." __________ :D I remember "Shiny Shoes Robertson". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 28 in
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. 

1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 

1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the
removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 

1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war
on Russia. 

1864 A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston,
IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 

1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The
law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 

1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 

1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to
Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could
not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 

1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 

1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France.
The pilot was Henri Fabre. 

1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 

1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and
Ankara respectively. 

1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in
businesses, professions and schools. 

1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-
shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 

1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco
Franco. 

1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle
of Matapan. 

1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of
St. Nazaire. 

1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against England.


1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that
could be strapped to a person's body. 

1962 The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of lasers
to intercept missiles and satellites. 

1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it
vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that
they had shot it down. 

1974 A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring
Johnny Carson." 

1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island
nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and
suffered a partial meltdown. 

1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an
airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 

1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the
Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played
"We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 

1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with
the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger
mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 

1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 

1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress
supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 

1999 Paraguay's President Raúl Cubas Grau resigned after protests
inspired by the assassination of Vice-President Luis María Argaña
on March 23. The nation's Congress had accused Cubas and his
political associate, Gen. Lino César Oviedo, for Cubas' murder.
Senate President Luis González Macchi took office as Paraguay's
new chief executive. 

2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy
Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.

2018  smiled.


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Windows bottom clocks 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 27

Easter

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Once again, the only thing that stopped a 
bad guy with a gun was a good guy with a gun
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 27 in
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their
commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen.
Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped
execution. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen." ______________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hey! Where is my bread? Good bread! I don't have a trail camera, and the one with the key-fob remote control died 20 years ago. So I have to shoot through the storm door. The deer don't mind me being just a foot away, as long as I am on the other side of the door, but they run if I as much as stick an arm out the door. The storm door makes the pictures rough, but you get the idea. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife for Christmas. "What size?" asked the clerk. The man shrugged blankly. Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are your wife's measurements?" The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large, in that order." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Trystan Delk, Atlanta, Georgia Once again, the only thing that stopped a bad guy with a gun was a good guy with a gun In Atlanta, a woman almost became another crime statistic – until her son stepped in. When an armed thug tried to carjack a woman, he wasn’t stopped by a gun ban, a gun-free zone, or good feelings. He was stopped by a son who was killing to use a gun to save his mother. This wasn’t the first time the suspect, Trystan Delk (pictured above, from a previous arrest), had tried to rob someone that day. He won’t get the chance to rob anyone else for a long time. A Fulton County woman came face to face with an armed robber Thursday afternoon. “I was taking my grandson to doctor’s appointment and had one foot in the car when suddenly a car was blocking my driveway,” the woman said. The woman doesn’t want to be identified but told FOX 5 News, the driver immediately got out and rushed to her. “He said ‘Whose car is this? Give me the keys,” the woman said. Fulton County Police have identified the robber as Trystan Delk. “I started screaming so loud that my son who was inside at the time heard me and came out to help,” the woman said. Police said the woman’s son fired shots at Delk, hitting him multiple times. “He still managed to drive himself to a nearby fire station where he tried to play the victim,” the woman said. “He told them that he was the victim of an interstate shooting.” The woman said shortly after police put two and two together. “I also found out that my neighbor was also targeted just a few minutes before I was,” the woman said. Police said Delk faces armed robbery charges. “I hope for his sake he doesn’t come back or anyone for that matter,” the woman said. “Because this time I’ll be waiting.” Tech Support Pits From: Tanya Re: clocks
Dear Webby Are those clock screensavers the little bottom clocks, that we used to have, that were suddenly axed by Microsoft without any explanation? Or do these just work when the screen saver comes on? Tanya Dear Tanya These just work, when the screen saver comes on. The little bottom clocks were axed, because some sleazebag produced a whole bunch of them and bundled them with some rather nasty malware. The clocks were OK, but the payload was really bad, and Microsoft figured the fastest way to put a stop to that was to simply axe the abilitiry to have cute bottom clocks. Microsoft has since then relented and if you enable Sidebar.exe, you can have your analog bottom clock and even gauges for memory and CPU. Have FUN! DearWebby The old lady was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse," said the doctor. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "WHAT!" screamed the woman, "just so's I can walk a little better? If it wasn't for smoking, drinking and sex I wouldn't get out of my rocker in the first place!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Pete had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Pete went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Pete slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Gift Tags Cut the top part of used greeting cards off, then cut this down to whatever size (and shape) you wish, depending on the design. (If it's an angel, just cut her out.) I also like to use hearts or other shapes that perhaps match the occasion for the gift you will use them on. Punch a hole in it, write your sentiments on the back, and attach to your package with a colored ribbon or raffia. By Patricia Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."
A mid century ranch house hides a literal treasure trove of unique rocks and minerals.
___________________________________________________ Classic from Glenn A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box.. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 27 in
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 

1802 The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French
Revolutionary War. 

1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their
commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen.
Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped
execution. 

1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 

1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. 
The steam engine was for pumping only, not for driving.

1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 

1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from Boston
to New York. 

1899 The first international radio transmission between England
and France was achieved by the Italian inventor G. Marconi. 

1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that gave 35
million pounds to fighting the Boers in South Africa. 

1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 

1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the
U.S. 

1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state
authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up
striking coal miners. 

1907 French troops occupied Oudja, Morocco, as a punitive action
for the murder of French Dr. Muchamp. 

1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington,
DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 

1917 The Seattle Metropolitans, of the Pacific Coast League of
Canada, defeated the Montreal Canadiens and became the first U.S.
hockey team to win the Stanley Cup. 

1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion of Honor
decoration. 

1933 About 55,000 Jews staged a protest against Hitler in New York
City. 

1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying for
Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 

1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at St. Nazaire,
France. 

1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and General
Motors ended with a wage increase. 

1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, the
original dividing line between the two Koreas. 

1958 Nikita Khrushchev became the chairman of the Soviet Council
of Ministers in addition to First Secretary of the Communist
Party. 

1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 

1976 Washington, DC, opened its subway system. 

1988 The U.S. Senate ratified the Intermediate-Range Nuclear
Forces Treaty. 

1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test in
space. 

1993 In China, Communist Party leader Jiang Zemin was appointed
President. 

1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide strike
to protest unpaid wages. 

1997 In Australia, Governor-General William Deane signed a bill to
overturn a 1996 Northern Territory act to legalize assisted
suicides. The 1996 act was the first in the world to permit
assisted suicides. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra.
It was the first pill for male impotence. 

1998 Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, Germany and
Britain agreed to create single European aerospace and defense
company. 

2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit
Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 

2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent
officiating tool.

2018  smiled.


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Clock Screensavers 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 26

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Children left alone in bad conditions 
while mom vacationed in Florida
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 26 in
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east 
of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it. I made myself act as though I was not afraid and gradually my fear disappeared." --- Theodore Roosevelt For me, fear does not really disappear, I am used to it. The absence of fear scares me! That means there is something, that I am not aware of. --- DearWebby _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it. The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow." ______________________________________________________ One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 57 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ THE IMPORTANCE OF USING CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESSES A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules, it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an email back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the email without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she shrieked, fainted, and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Already Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicole Sciortino, 30, Vincent Licciardello, 30, Dunmore, Pennsylvania Children left alone in bad conditions while mom vacationed in Florida A Pennsylvania mother and father are charged with endangering the welfare of their two children after knowingly leaving them home alone for three days, investigators said. Nicole Sciortino and Vincent Licciardello, both 30, were arraigned Monday morning, according to WNEP. According to court papers, on Wednesday, March 7, Dunmore police responded to Sciortino's home on Monroe Avenue for a report of children who had been left alone for weeks. Licciardello lives at a different address. When officers arrived, they found a 10-year-old and an 11-year-old home by themselves. Police say the place was in deplorable condition, with food, boxes, pills and other trash on the floor. The thermostat read 58 degrees. After tracking down the mother of two, police say Sciortino first told them she wasn’t far away, but later admitted that she was in Florida. According to the document, she told investigators that the children’s father, Licciardello, was watching the kids and that she didn’t realize it was against the law to leave her two children home alone unsupervised for an extended period of time. Sciortino added that she “didn’t think it was really that bad.” During the investigation, police found that on Monday, March 5, Licciardello dropped the kids off early in the morning at their mother's home. Over the next three days, while their mother was in Florida, he would occasionally stop by to drop food off for the unsupervised children. Authorities say they believe the children were alone during their mother's vacation, but not for weeks, as the 911 caller alleged. Police say one child has missed 16 days of school this year, while the other has missed 26 days. “That hurts. I’m a mom of five kids. I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids for 10 minutes without an adult supervisor,” said Tamra Murphy. “Who’s feeding them, who’s washing their clothes, who’s making sure their homework is done? That upsets me beyond it. That hurts me.” “That’s insane to me,” said Kaylia Riley. “I mean, at the end of the day, I couldn’t even leave my dogs for three days by themselves, let alone children, especially small children. It’s just mind-blowing.” Sciortino and Licciardello were both charged Monday with endangering the welfare of children. Both were given $10,000 unsecured bail, so both walked free. Investigators said the two children are staying with family friends. Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Screen Saver
Dear Webby After reading an old letter it occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I loaded the mickey mouse one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon, and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off. A moving picture prevents that from happening. The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power options. A monitor translates into a 300 Watt Mickey Mouse watch, just to amuse your dust bunnies while you are sleeping. Microsoft thought that was kinda silly and gave you the option to save some money. By the way, the clock screensavers are at http://beeks.eu/Screensaver.htm This screensaver can be uninstalled through the [Control Panel] [Software Add remove programs] It can be installed through accounts with limited access rights. It supports multiple monitors. It contains No Adware, No Spyware, No nags, No registration, just time. Click here to download AJScreensaver for Windows 1.5Mb Have FUN! DearWebby Isaac Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Sarah in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Sarah and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?'' ''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.''
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem: When I was very little, All the Grandmas that I knew All walked around this world, In ugly grandma shoes. You know the ones I speak of, Those black clunky heeled kind, They just looked so very awful That it weighed upon my mind, For I knew, when I grew old, I'd have to wear those shoes, I'd think of that, from time to time It seemed like such bad news. I never was a rebel, I wore saddle shoes to school. And next came ballerinas Then the sandals, pretty cool. And then came spikes with pointed toes, Then platforms, very tall, As each new fashion came I wore them, one and all. But always, in the distance, Looming in my future, there, Was that awful pair of ugly shoes, The kind that Grandmas wear. I eventually got married And then I became a Mom. Our kids grew up and left, And then their children came along. I knew I was a Grandma And the time was drawing near, When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes Was what I'd have to wear. How would I do my gardening? Or take my morning hike? I couldn't even think about How I would ride my bike! But fashions kept evolving, And one day I realized That the shape of things to come Was changing, right before my eyes. And now, when I go shopping What I see, fills me with glee. For, in my jeans and Reeboks I'm as comfy as can be. And I look at all these teenage girls And there, upon their feet Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes, And they really think they're neat. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store This year when gift shopping, consider buying gifts as well as decorative items from your local dollar store. I went into our dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised at the amount of decorative items as well as gift items available - and at such a reasonable price! By Robin Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rose for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror--- wearing nothing but a camera!
Beautiful desert wild flowers in the Spring.
___________________________________________________ A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice has triumphed!" A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, "Appeal at once!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 26 in
1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 

1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 

1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 

1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of the
Mississippi to Louisiana. 

1854 Charles III, duke of Parma, was attacked by an assassin. He
died the next day. 

1871 The Paris Commune was formally set up. 

1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced the
first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY.

1898 In South Africa, the world's first game reserve, the Sabi
Game reserve, was designated. 

1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali as shah
in place of the constitutional government. 

1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 Immigration
Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists and carriers of
disease from settling in the U.S. 

1913 During the Balkan War, the Bulgarians took Adrianople. 

1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry
withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 

1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of
Popeye. 

1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 

1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 

1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 

1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the
Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were
intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 

1953 Dr. Jonas Salk announced a new vaccine that would prevent
poliomyelitis. 

1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite,
Explorer III. 

1969 The TV movie "Marcus Welby" was seen on ABC-TV. It was later
turned into a series. 

1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the
independent republic of Bangladesh. 

1971 "Cannon" premiered on CBS-TV as a movie. It was turned into a
series later in the year. 

1973 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat took over the premiership and
said "the stage of total confrontation (with Israel) has become
inevitable." 

1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that
ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 

1983 The U.S. performed a nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. 

1989 The first free elections took place in the Soviet Union.
Boris Yeltsin was elected. 

1991 The presidents of Argentina, Paraguay, Brazil and Uruguay
signed an agreement that established the Southern Cone Common
Market, a free-trade zone, by January 1, 1995. 

1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson was
found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. He
only served three. 

1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border
controls. The other 8 thought ikt was a dumb idea.

1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan
for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 

1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion
in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking
that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the
comet Hale-Bopp. 

1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test
that yields instant results. 

1998 Unisys Corp. and Lockheed Martin Corp. pay a $3.15 million
fine for selling spare parts at inflated prices to the U.S.
federal government. 

1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first time. 

1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-
degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal injection
and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 1998 for "60
Minutes." 

2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a new
football arena. 

2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected
president outright. He won a sufficient number of votes to avoid a
runoff election. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 22

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
No fun for me. 
You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The Monday issue will be in your mail again.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for DUI,
again, said she 'knows the game'
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 22 in
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer).
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. --- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!" ______________________________________________________ After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back, or do I have to do it again?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them. Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused. "You," he called. "You there." The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?" "Why are you here?" "Armed robbery, Your Majesty." "And are you guilty?" "Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I deserve my punishment." At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lacie Faye Schuman, 32, Jacksonville, Florida Florida woman arrested for DUI, again, said she 'knows the game' A woman has been arrested for driving under the influence with a unrestrained toddler in the vehicle, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office police report. On Sunday at approximately 2:14 a.m., an officer came across Lacie Faye Schuman, 32, driving recklessly on Cypress Links Boulevard. St. Johns County police conducted a traffic stop and noticed a strong odor alcohol coming from the vehicle and found a 2-year-old boy inside.The toddler was not properly restrained, according to the report. Schuman's eyes were described as bloodshot and watery. She refused to perform a sobriety test or give a breath sample, stating "she knows the game." Schuman was arrested and charged with child neglect, DUI, and driving as a habitual offender. She has been arre3stedfor DUI a few times before. Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Mail Size Restrictions
Dear Webby the size of each email that we can receive and now I am having trouble receiving any email with pictures. I wondered if you can give me a referral to Gmail? The Service Tech from my ISP said he thought you could receive any size email through it, and I have read several times in the Humor Letter where you speak pretty highly of it. I went to Google and read about it and really would like to try it. I hope you can help me. Thanks! Beverly M Dear Beverly You don't need referals anymore. Just go to http://gmail.com Yes, with gmail there are no kindergarten limits. Just take your time to customize it to your liking, and you'll be quite happy with it. You can even use it with regular POP programs like Eudora or Outlook, not just with it's web interface. Have FUN! DearWebby An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Jigsaw Puzzle Make a personalized homemade jigsaw puzzle by gluing a photograph to a piece of 1/4 inch plywood. If you have a color ink jet printer you can print the photo yourself. Then use a jigsaw to cut your puzzle pieces. Glue a copy of the same picture to the lid of a cigar box and wrap the box for a great gift. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Even easier and much faster is taking an old jigsaw puzzle and gluing a new picture on it. Then cut the pieces apart with a knive or even a pen. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse!"
People are awesome, for the week.
___________________________________________________ Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 22 in
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first bible printed with moveable
type. 

1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area
of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 

1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It
was in Boston, MA. 

1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from
the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in
Prussia. 

1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 

1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax
on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 

1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying slaves
to other countries. 

1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 

1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in
employment. 

1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 

1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 

1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began.
Montreal played Ottawa. 

1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an
invited audience in Paris. 

1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from
encroaching on Korea. 

1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by
telegraph. 

1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 

1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated
by a volcanic eruption. 

1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily
Illustrated Mirror. 

1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 

1906 France lost the first ever rugby game ever played against
Britain. 

1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the
face of advancing Japanese forces. 

1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as
women to attract riders. 

1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 

1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway
stations. 

1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a
weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing
the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2%
alcohol. 

1934 The first Masters golf championship began in Augusta, GA. 

1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court
cases. 

1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 

1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 

1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 

1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 

1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in
Cairo, Egypt. 

1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere
reached a height of 50-miles. It was a modifioed captured German
V2.

1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 

1954 The first US shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 

1954 The London gold market reopened for the first time since
1939. 

1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser.
It was the first patent for any laser. 

1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against
the Vietcong. 

1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South
Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 

1977 Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 

1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death
while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan,
Puerto Rico. 

1982 The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission
STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 

1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to
find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and
three countries space was found back in Islip. 

1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not
guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 

1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New
Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 

1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia
airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 

1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60
MHz-100+ MIPS. 

1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after
setting a record for 438 days in space. 

1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest
women's world figure skating champion. 

2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of
Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to a
former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 21

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
No fun for me. 
You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The Monday issue will be in your mail again.


Saw a headline today:
"Clinton: White Women Voted for Trump 
Because Their Husbands Told Them To"

What UFO did SHE get tossed off?
She sure does not know anything about American women!
American women traditionally vote the opposite of what they think
their husbands might vote, to cancel and negate his vote. No
reason, it's just tradition. Even I know that!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Decades-Old Rapes Solved After Man 
Pees on Neighbor's Plant
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 21 in
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned 
at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven
recantations that same day. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones as well. "My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically, "I thought I'd give her these signed copies for a birthday present." "A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author. "I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a Cadillac." ______________________________________________________ An "air freshener" salesman goes to an executive building to market his product to a prospective buyer. He steps in to an empty elevator and presses the 10th floor button. Just as the doors close, he lets out a God-awful fart. He then can feel the elevator stopping on the fifth floor and he knows that someone will be stepping on so he quickly sprays his new "Pine-Scented" air freshener to cover his tracks. The person that was on the 5th floor steps onto the elevator. The salesman decides that this is a good opportunity to test his product's quality so he asks the man, "excuse me sir, could you kindly tell me what you smell?" The man replies, "Yeah, smells like a turkey with diahrea hiding in a Christmas Tree". _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Air-head Re-charging? Or newest Japanese hair drier? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said this: "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 PM for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eric McKenna, 60, in jail in England Decades-Old Rapes Solved After Man Pees on Neighbor's Plant A man who raped two women at knifepoint in Britain avoided capture for over 30 years. Then he peed on his neighbor's potted plant. The BBC reports a 21-year-old woman was raped by a man while walking alone in 1983. An 18-year-old woman was raped in a similar situation five years later. The cases remained unsolved and unconnected until 60-year-old Eric McKenna was arrested in 2016 after getting in a dispute with his neighbor that culminated in him urinating in one of her potted plants, according to the Press Association. McKenna was given a warning for harassment and a DNA sample was taken. It was an exact match for samples recovered following both rapes. McKenna was arrested and charged with the rapes last year, Chronicle Live reports. He was sentenced to prison on Friday. "McKenna thought he had got away with his crimes, but a neighborly dispute and a moment of stupidity has landed him in prison for 23 years," Metro quotes Detective Constable Mick Wilson as saying. Wilson says McKenna has "failed to show a glimmer of remorse" for his crimes. As for the neighbor whose plant got peed on, she tells Chronicle Live: “I felt physically sick when I found out what he’d done ... I’m so glad I reported him and these women have got justice." Tech Support Pits From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters
Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail now always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joel. "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men standing by the door?" Joel nodded. "They're hushers."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon wasn't doing bad either." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Yarn as Ribbon Yarn is relatively inexpensive and makes attractive ribbon for gifts. Use multiple strands in colors that complement your wrapping paper for a fancy look. Make some loops of yarn and tie tightly in the middle of the loops. Leave in loops or cut the loop ends and make a pom pom for the top. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is....... 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'"
5 Truly Odd Sports Invented in the Depths of Winter
___________________________________________________ When the phone rang at 6 a.m. in a California office, the caller from Florida was angry that the customer service department was closed. The early rising office manager told him that the office opened at 7 a.m. "Then it should be open now," said the caller, "it's already nine o'clock!" When the office manager explained the time difference the caller calmed down. Then, hoping to avoid further confusion, the manager told him the office would be open in one hour. The caller replied, "Is that your time or my time?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 21 in
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany.


1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at
the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven
recantations that same day. 

1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by
fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 

1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 

1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 

1835 Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 

1851 Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to
death. 

1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 

1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 

1858 British forces in India lift the siege of Lucknow, ending the
Indian Mutiny. 

1871 Journalist Henry M Stanley began his famous expedition to
Africa. 

1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when a
subway tunnel roof caved in. 

1907 The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American
interests in the war with Nicaragua. 

1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by
Henri Farman of France. 

1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the
Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted
Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 

1910 The U.S. Senate granted ex-President Teddy Roosevelt a yearly
pension of $10,000. 

1918 During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme Offensive.

1925 The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law
that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public
school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the
Bible's account of man's creation. 

1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal
of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic flight.


1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 

1935 Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 

1941 The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to
the British. 

1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of raids
over Germany. 

1946 The United Nations set up a temporary headquarters at Hunter
College in New York City. 

1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa,
when police fired upon demonstrators. 

1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco
Bay, CA, closed. 

1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of
unmanned lunar explorations. 

1965 More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev.
Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery, AL.


1966 In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square
blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 

1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance.


1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require
one year of residency for voting eligibility. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic
Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in
Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 

1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned
the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 

1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the
coast of Japan. 

1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26
million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 

1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching
to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At
least 21 demonstrators were killed. 

1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after his
conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue Line"
had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a police
officer. 

1990 Australian businessman Alan Bond sold Van Gogh's "Irises" to
the Gerry Museum. Bond had purchased the painting for $53.9
million in 1987. 

1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 

1991 27 people were lost at sea when two U.S. Navy anti-submarine
planes collided. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against
Iraq. 

1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 

1994 Steven Spielberg won his first Oscars. They were for best
picture and best director for "Schindler's List." 

1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 

1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular
Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840
satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 

1995 Tokyo police raided the headquarters of Aum Shinrikyo in
search of evidence to link the cult to the Sarin gas released on
five Tokyo subway trains. 

1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have
American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder
charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain
Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 

2001 Nintendo released Game Boy Advance. 

2002 In Pakistan, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh was charged with murder
for his role in the kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter
Daniel Pear. Three other Islamic militants that were in custody
were also charged along with seven more accomplices that were
still at large. 

2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore
Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse,
was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 

2016 It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured
the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a
exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant
flash shockwave had been captured. 

2018  smiled.


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Locked files 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 20
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
CA burglar stops to watch adult movie, 
gets beat up and held for cops.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 20 in
1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the
guillotine. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Literature is news that stays news. --- Ezra Pound (1885 - 1972) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day down by a river, a Baptist preacher had just baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk, non-religious man walked by the river. The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk replied: "Schure, I'll give it a try!" The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said no. The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk again said no. The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said, "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?" ______________________________________________________ At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress -- don't wait any longer." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ © Kenneth G. Libbrecht This is a real snow crystal: a single crystal of ice, in which the water molecules are all lined up in a regular crystalline lattice from tip to tip. You can see that the sidebranches are parallel to their neighboring main branches; this indicates the presence of crystal symmetry. If you are interested in snow crystals, go to http://www.snowcrystals.com/ Personally, I am ready for flowers. Due to lack of gullible warming, we still have lots of snow. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the pearly gates and told the men that they would would each receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined on how well they behaved on earth. St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time." St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive in heaven since he had cheated on his wife. St.Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife. "Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married," replied the second man.St. Peter told him that he would receive a compact car to drive in heaven. The third man was asked the same question and he replied, "No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never cheated on my wife!" St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven. One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he had gotten a luxury car. He replied, "I just saw my wife go by, and she was on ONE roller skate!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alan Estrada, 28, Los Angeles, California CA burglar stops to watch adult movie, gets beat up and held for cops. A male thief who broke into a Los Angeles home business stopped to watch porn, security footage has shown. The robber also took some time out to smoke and charge his phone. Store owners Lisa and Steve Mirizzi told KTLA he appeared to have snuck into the vent on Monday night. The couple first noticed the man, identified as 28-year-old Alan Estrada, roaming around their apartment at night before confronting him. Lisa described walking downstairs to make some tea only to find Estrada watching porn on the computer and masturbating. Screaming when she saw him, her son and husband then ran down stairs and chased the intruder. Estrada originally tried to escape through one door only to find it was padlocked and when he dashed for another one, son Giovanni got a hold of him. After he 'decked him, picked him up and body-slammed him' police were called to the scene and arrested Estrada. The intruder is said to have taken cash and credit cards from the shop, according to police. The stolen goods have since been returned. Tech Support Pits From: Hilary Re: Locked files
Dear Webby I have a new computer and the files from the old computer have been copied over but I cannot open them - you have just made a suggestion about that one. However I keep getting messages from Yahoo Broadband to say it has a problem with Microsoft and to tell Microsoft about it!! Best wishes from England, it is still mild over here. Hilary Dear Hilary Right-click c:\ (Local Drive) in the File Explorer and take the checkmark off the READ ONLY option. It's -20 here right now and the Ice-Age freaks lord it over the Global Warming freaks. Have FU!N DearWebby Two elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ed noticed something funny about Joe's ear. He said, "Joe did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" "I have? A suppository?" He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said: "Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
This guy was walking on the beach and found what looked like a genie bottle so he rubbed it and sure enough out came a genie. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes." The man thought for a while and said, "O.K. for my first wish I want a Red Lambourgini." and poof there on the beach was a brand new red Lambourgini. "for my second wish I want 3 milloin dollars." and poof three million dollars apeared on the seat in the Lambourgini. He said "Now for my third wish make me irresistable to women." and poof, the genie turned him into a box of chocolates.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. "Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Allan." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saucer Decoupage Picture Frame If you any have saucers without a cup, you can cut a family picture to fit in the center of the saucer. Glue the picture to the saucer and decorate around the picture. Let it dry and then give it a coating of decoupage. Let that dry and apply a second coating. Slip it in a decoupage box, decorated by you, and add a pretty bow. - Gladys Hill Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.' "And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
Best entries so far for the 2018 Sony World Photography Awards.
___________________________________________________ Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: "This is the Gate of Heaven." Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: "Use Other Entrance" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 20 in
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took
place. 

1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of his
father Henry IV. 

1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 

1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to seek gold
in Guyana. 

1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 

1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took
possession of the Peacock throne. 

1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 

1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the
guillotine. 

1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, and
advanced into Cairo. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from Elba
and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 

1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state
court decisions. 

1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin," subtitled
"Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President Abraham
Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans and did not
appear at the Soldier’s Home near Washington, DC. 

1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of
$14,000. 

1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing machine.

1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial
operation. 

1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in Dayton,
OH. 

1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. citizens in
the wake of a revolution. 

1897 The first U.S. orthodox Jewish Rabbinical seminary was
incorporated in New York. 

1897 The first intercollegiate basketball game that used five
players per team was held. The contest was Yale versus
Pennsylvania. Yale won by a score of 32-10. 

1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman
to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for the
murder of her stepdaughter. 

1900 It was announced that European powers had agreed to keep
China's doors open to trade. 

1902 France and Russia acknowledged the Anglo-Japanese alliance.
They also asserted their right to protect their interests in China
and Korea. 

1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 

1911 The National Squash Tennis Association was formed in New York
City. 

1914 The first international figure skating championship was held
in New Haven, CT. 

1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the Western
Front. 

1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid to
rebuild their army. 

1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back
from the Rhineland. 

1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft
carrier for the U.S. Navy. 

1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to
South America on regular schedule. 

1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 

1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany.


1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid
on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 

1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on
the Mareth Line in North Africa. 

1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the South
Atlantic. 

1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 

1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 

1956 Tunisia gained independence from France. 

1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was
established. 

1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close all
bases in Taiwan, a really dumb move. 

1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role
in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 

1980 The U.S. made an appeal to the International Court concerning
the American Hostages in Iran. 

1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight
years in a convent. 

1982 U.S. scientists' returned from Antarctica with the first land
mammal fossils found there. 

1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken prayer
in public schools. 

1985 For the first time in its 99-year history, Avon
representatives received a salary. Up to that time they had been
paid solely on commissions. 

1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race
becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 

1989 In Belfast, two policemen were killed. The IRA claimed
responsibility. 

1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of South
African rule. 

1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand
Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 

1990 In Rumania, tanks were sent to the town of Tirgu Mures to
quell ethnic riots. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could
not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals
could potentially damage a fetus. 

1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 

1992 Janice Pennington was awarded $1.3 million for accident on
the set of the "Price is Right" TV show. 

1993 Russian President Boris Yeltsin declared emergency rule. He
set a referendum on whether the people trusted him or the hard-
line Congress to govern. 

1993 An Irish Republican Army bomb was detonated in Warrington,
England. A 3-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy were killed. 

1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of
Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers
Party (PKK). 

1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others
were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was
released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged
to a doomsday cult in Japan. 

1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow
Disease). 

1997 Liggett Group, the maker of Chesterfield cigarettes, settled
22 state lawsuits by admitting the industry marketed cigarettes to
teenagers and agreed to warn on every pack that smoking is
addictive. 

1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to
"exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons." 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones became the first men to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon. The non-stop trip
began on March 3 and covered 26,500 miles. 

1999 Legoland California opened Carlsbad, California. 

2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as H.
Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a
sherriff's deputy dead. 

2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 

2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded
documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company
Enron. 

2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group
INc. for $500 million in stock. 

2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 

2018  smiled.


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CD drive reboots computer 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 19

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Habitual gun thief caught in Florida
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 18 in
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth. --- Edith Sitwell _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this observation: My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book. For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. ______________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "I fixed that dripping tap in your bath." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A Somali arrives in Calgary as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care and free education!" The passer-by says, "You are wrong, I am Mexican" The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!" The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Canada!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria, I am not Canadian!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?" The Russian lady checks her watch and says: "Probably at work!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bruquanna Griffin, Jacksonville, Floriduh Florida woman pleads guilty to stealing guns from 3 stores A Jacksonville woman is facing up to 15 years in prison after pleading guilty to stealing guns from three local stores over the summer. Bruquanna Griffin’s profile picture on Facebook shows her posing with a large gun. “She came and snuck in behind [the counter], opened her purse and started shoveling pistols into her purse,” said Green Acres Sporting Goods salesman Phillip Gazaleh. Gazaleh said employees locked the door so she couldn’t escape before police got there. “She was like, ‘I’m not taking nothing. I just wanted to take a look at the guns.’ Which was obviously a blatant lie. She had the guns in her purse,” Gazaleh said. Griffin has been booked into Duval County jail eight times since 2015 -- mostly theft charges, including one at Beauty Depot in 2016 when police say she got kids involved. The JSO report said Griffin walked into Beauty Depot in Edgewood with three kids and had them help her steal shoes. The report said they ran out into the parking lot where a getaway truck was waiting. Police said Griffin tried to drive off without the kids, and eventually told at least one child to get in the pickup truck bed. “There has to be a certain point where you put an end to it. You can’t be a habitual thief and keep getting out of jail, or keep getting away scot-free. At a certain point, you have to be held accountable for your actions,” Gazaleh said. Tech Support Pits From: Buddy Re: CD drive causes a restart
Dear Webby I began to have this problem recently. When i put a disk into the CD write drive to store info or make a duplicate copy the computer shuts down immediately and restarts itself. is the drive bad or is it another problem. Thanks Buddy Dear Buddy Yes, I would say the drive is bad. You can try re-installing the burner software, but I have a hunch that may be a waste of time. Have FU!N DearWebby After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness. She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department of motor vehicles and I am way past sane." The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Choosing a Veterinarian When you are choosing a veterinarian, ask friends and family in your area if they have a vet they would recommend. It's important to find a vet that is good with both people and animals; someone who is willing to take time to answer any questions that you may have. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."
Follow in the footsteps of 10th-century emperors.
___________________________________________________ Classic: Thanks to Sandie for this story: Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand: Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you" The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife With three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him". The defense attorney almost died. The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 19 in
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila. 

1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen. 

1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court committed
suicide. 

1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men while
searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, in the Gulf of
Mexico. 

1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart, the
sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England, Scotland and
Ireland. 

1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews right to
colonize in the U.S. 

1775 Poland & Prussia signed a trade agreement. 

1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The City Bank
of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery. 

1865 The Battle of Bentonville took place. The Confederates
retreated from Greenville, NC. 

1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool
killing 738. 

1879 Jim Currie opened fire on the actors Maurice Barrymore and
Ben Porter near Marshall, TX. The shots wounded Barrymore and
killed Porter. 

1895 The Los Angeles Railway was established to provide streetcar
service. 

1900 U.S. President McKinley asserted that there was a need for
free trade with Puerto Rico. 

1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of
Knossos Palace in Greece. 

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval
bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda. 

1905 French explorer S. de Segonzac was taken prisoner by
Moroccans. 

1906 Reports from Berlin estimated the cost of the German war in
S.W. Africa at $150 million. 

1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists from
practicing without medical diplomas. 

1915 Pluto was photographed for the first time. However, it was
not known at the time. 

1917 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Adamson Act that made the
eight-hour workday for railroads constitutional. 

1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time. 

1918 A slow German seaplane was shot down for the first time by an
American pilot. 

1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for the second
time maintaining an isolation policy. 

1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces took
the Honduran capital. 

1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling. 

1940 The French government of Daladier fell. 

1942 The Thoroughbred Racing Association was formed in Chicago. 

1944 Tippett's oratorium "Child of Our Time," premiered in London.

1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze planes
attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan. 

1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the
destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied hands
as German forces were retreating. 

1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan,
the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party. 

1948 Lee Savold knocked out Gino Buonvino in 54 seconds of the
first round of their prize fight at Madison Square Gardens. 

1949 The Soviet People's Council signed the constitution of the
German Democratic Republic, and declared that the North Atlantic
Treaty was merely a war weapon. 

1954 Viewers saw the first televised prize fight shown in color
when Joey Giardello knocked out Willie Tory in round seven at
Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was tested in
Alamogordo, NM. 

1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six Latin
American presidents pledged to fight Communism. 

1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies. 

1965 Rembrandt's "Titus" sold for $7,770,000. 

1968 Students at Howard University seized an administration
building. 

1969 The British invaded Anguilla. 

1972 India and Bangladesh signed a friendship treaty. 

1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of Princess
Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, after 16 years of
marriage. 

1977 Congo President Marien Ngouabi was killed by a suicide
commando. 

1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island. 

1981 During a test of the space shuttle Columbia two workers were
injured and one was killed. 

1981 The Buffalo Sabres set an NHL record when they scored 9 goals
in one period against Toronto. 

1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into the Columbia
River. 

1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the PCjr
consumer-oriented computer. 

1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of the MX
missile. 

1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a
scandal involving Jessica Hahn. 

1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a funeral in
Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot to death after
being dragged from a car and beaten. 

1990 Latvia's political opposition claimed victory in the
republic's first free elections in 50 years. 

1990 The first world ice hockey tournament for women was held in
Ottawa. 

1991 Brett Hull, of the St. Louis Blues, became the third National
Hockey League (NHL) player to score 80 goals in a season. 

1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs in
Yokohama, Japan. 

1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis epidemic
that could kill 70 million people in next two decades. 

1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a bomb
exploded in a market place in southern Russia. 

2000 Vector Data Systems conducted a simulation of the 1993 Branch
Davidian siege in Waco, TX. The simulation showed that the
government had not fired first. 

2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered the
first of two days of rolling blackouts. 

2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground offensive
since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan. During the
operation, which began on March 2, it was reported that at least
500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters were killed. Eleven allied
troops were killed during the same operation. 

2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces had
launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" in
Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided
bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 18

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Montana teen arrested for robbing 
Barnes and Noble and Golden Corral 
with box cutter
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 18 in
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb You can never learn less; you can only learn more. The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes. --- Buckminster Fuller _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ______________________________________________________ An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Pigeon Point, San Mateo County coastline. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyler Anthony Espinosa, 18, Billings, Montana Montana teen arrested for robbing Barnes and Noble and Golden Corral with box cutter A man accused of robbing two neighboring West End businesses with a box cutter Wednesday afternoon was arrested shortly after. Tyler Anthony Espinosa, 18, faces two charges of felony robbery after he brandished a box cutter at employees of both the Golden Corral and Barnes and Noble and demanded money. The first robbery was reported at about 3:10 p.m., according to a press release from Billings Police Department Sgt. Scott Conrad. Espinosa entered the Golden Corral, showed the box cutter and demanded money, according to police. After the employee gave him money, Espinosa left and went to the Barnes and Noble across the parking lot. At about 3:13 p.m., police received a report that a man had entered the Barnes and Noble, displayed a box cutter and demanded money. A cashier gave him all the money in the till. Police, already responding to the reported robbery at Golden Corral, arrested Espinosa in the area of 24th Street West and Monad Road shortly after he left Barnes and Noble, according to the press release. The press release credits BPD Officer Tina Hoeger with Espinosa's arrest. Hoeger was in her patrol car when she saw Espinosa fleeing after the second robbery. The box cutter blade was extended during the robberies, Conrad said. Espinosa was arrested without incident, according to the release. Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Desktop Background
Dear Webby I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not). I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love to use for our desktop background, changing it often. Most of the time they work; other times, they come out in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather than one very nice photo. I’ve attached 2 of those that do this; would you open them, then try to choose as background and see what happens. If you get repeats all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why? I know that with my luck, they’ll work fine for you! If that’s the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones I find that work and say c’est la vie. I look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time to play around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always for my DearWebby letter; I love them! Bonnie Dear Bonnie Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to whatever you have set for your screen resolution. If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200, then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched 4 times, and probably would look very coarse and VERY ugly. Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments. Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing, sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on. It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth trying. Usually, it is best to just use large pictures. On the better sites, you can click through the pictures to get a larger version. Have FU!N DearWebby
Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So vat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." -------------- Keep in mind that the smart Swedes emigrated to Minnasohta and Mexifornia. The rest of them are still in Sweden, ordering their under-age daughters to NOT report rapes by Muslim immigrants, so as not to make Sweden appear "racist".
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him." "That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched. "How good are you at catching mice?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches By Verity Pink [45 Posts, 19 Comments] Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From another reader who wants to NOT have her name mentioned: Hi Webby How are you and yours? I loved the 'story' about the "George and Dragon", still laughing because I know which "George and Dragon" pub that is in England it's in West Wycombe Buckinghamshire, and yes George probably would have been the 'best bet' I'm sending the story on to some friends who 'frepuent' that particular pub, they'll laugh too. Regards ***** (who should remain nameless if you print this for obvious reasons.
Rainbow colored mountains.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?" My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do." The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you and I was hoping you would say that." The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 18 in
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and proclaims Caligula
emperor. 

1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 

1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to
Rome. 

1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the
Mississippi River. 

1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 

1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 

1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 

1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government
service. 

1834 The first US railroad tunnel was completed. The work was in
Pennsylvania. 

1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo
Pass. 

1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 

1865 The Congress of the Confederate States of America adjourned
for the last time. 

1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with
the islands to the U.S. 

1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison
Square Gardens. 

1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by
telephone. 

1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 

1900 Ajax (Amsterdam Football Club) was formed. 

1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first
concession to access Baghdad by rail. 

1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 

1906 In Morocco, it was reported that France and Germany were in a
deadlock at the Algeciras Conference. 

1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to
become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 

1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It
was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 

1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 

1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. Constantine I
succeeded him. 

1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake
Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000.

1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante
and the Illinois, without any warning. 

1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 

1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 

1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over
1,000 people were killed. 

1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for
civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the
sentence. 

1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 

1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas
explosion at a school in New London, TX. 

1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on
its soil. 

1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant
women. 

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the
Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war
against France and Britain during the meeting. 

1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World
War II. 

1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 

1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 

1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans
during World War II. 

1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin, because there were still
some houses standing. 

1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National Hockey
League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 

1948 France, Great Britain, and Benelux signed the Treaty of
Brussels. 

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 

1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and
capture Communist held Sungmen. 

1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for
a cataract patient. 

1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 

1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first
motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person was
Howard Hughes. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill. 

1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 

1963 "Tovarich" opened at the Broadway Theater in New York City
for 264 performances. 

1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker
Algeria. 

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision
concerning legal council for defendants. 

1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk
when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around
the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 

1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General Suharto. 

1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 

1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold
reserve. 

1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the
‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia. 

1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike. 

1970 The NFL selected Wilson to be the official football and
scoreboard as official time. 

1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers
out of Laos. 

1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 

1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-month
embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 

1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to
Hanoi. 

1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 

1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 

1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett.
The next day she was deported. 

1980 The Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 

1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested
in Texas in 1966. 

1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew
to Sarah Ferguson. 

1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear,
polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to thwart
counterfeiters. 

1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site. 

1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart
Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it the
largest art robbery in history. 

1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of
Cheops in Egypt. 

1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 

1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after being
hit with a pitch. 

1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax
evasion. 

1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that
would give legal equality to blacks. 

1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 

1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 

2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country
must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and
farmers.

2018  smiled.


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Image Stabilizer 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 17

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Oregon Daycare owner drugged kids
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 17 in
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
during the Revolutionary War. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952), The road to hell is paved with adverbs. --- Stephen King (1947 - ) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house." ______________________________________________________ A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ We got another foot of snow yesterday. No Gullible Warming here. In another month or two we hope to get these flowers. In case you don't have flowers yet, enjoy these! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by January Irene Neatherlin, 32, Bend, Oregon Oregon Daycare owner drugged kids The operator of the Little Giggles day care center in Bend, Ore., had a rule: Parents couldn't drop off or collect their children between 11am and 2pm. That was the period January Neatherlin referred to as "nap time"—and when she headed out to go tanning and to CrossFit. The 32-year-old was on Friday sentenced to just north of 21 years in prison after pleading guilty to 11 counts of first- degree criminal mistreatment and one count of third-degree assault. Per court documents, Neatherlin would give the children in her care the sleep aid melatonin and then take off. Her misdeeds didn't end there: the daycare was an illegal one, and she was not a registered nurse, though she told parents otherwise. The Oregonian reports the scheme unraveled after an ex-boyfriend and ex-roommate tipped off police, who began tracking Neatherlin a year ago. They observed her exiting the house on two occasions, leaving alone seven kids, ages 6 months to 4 years, reports the Bend Bulletin. Bend Police Sgt. Devin Lewis testified that "what we saw was shocking." For example, one of the kids left unattended was found covered in damp vomit, and KTVZ reports Lewis feared the child could have possibly suffocated without intervention. Using CrossFit and Tan Republic records, police verified Neatherlin visited those establishments during "nap time" hours. Four of the charges relate to prior incidents, in which Neatherlin was said to have burned a baby with scalding milk; on another occasion, an 11-month-old was taken to a hospital with head injuries. Said the sentencing judge: "It is sheer serendipity and chance that some of those kids were not killed." Tech Support Pits From: Adrian Re: Image Stabilizer
Dear Webby You recommended the Canon Powershot IS and mentioned that it had an image stabilizer to cope with that big zoom. How does that work? Is it one of those buzzing gyroscopes like some binoculars have? Adrian Dear Adrian A gyroscope would not be steady enough at the resolution of that camera. It's all done electronically. The camera just merges a few of your jitters into one picture and holds that for a second. In bright light, for closer shots, and especially for action shots, turn the image stabilizer off. Don't use the image stabilizer for shots of waterfalls! It will "freeze" the water and make it look silly. Waterfalls look much better with some blur. Have FU!N DearWebby
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he says to St. Peter , "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?" St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer". So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please ~ I must know. Am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked, "Well, did God answer your question?" The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it ~ you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra asked, "How do you know that?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said, "Yo is what yo is."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Groan Alert! This month will be the anniversary of Albert Einstein's birthday. He was born March 14, 1879. Few remember that Einstein married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that, if you are attracted to women with a large chest, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection. It was called Einstein's Theory of Relative titty. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting More Juice Out Lemons Submerge lemons in hot tap water before squeezing and it will yield almost twice as much juice. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my butt and get there faster." The clerk smiled and said, "Yeah, and you'd save extra time by not having to go through Security! Go for it!"
Rainbow colored mountains.
___________________________________________________ Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 17 in
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates
this day in his honor.

1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first
time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern. 

1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused resentment in
the North American colonies. 

1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the
Revolutionary War. 

1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 

1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first
manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United
States. 

1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in
Mississippi. 

1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 

1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the
Bernheim Gallery. 

1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by
strikes. 

1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and
Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly 2
years later. 

1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military from
460,000 to 1,700,000. 

1917 America’s first bowling tournament for ladies began in St.
Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 

1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 

1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State Building.
Excavation at the site began on January 22. 

1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied
forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 

1944 At the end of World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna. Austria had
given up by then. 

1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley
announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They
named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 

1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet and
went to India. 

1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 

1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 

1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean
off of Spain. 

1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts in
the My Lai massacre case. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order to
achieve desegregation. 

1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was
meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 

1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released from
the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 

1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were killed
by government troops. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on
acid rain. 

1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm that
brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 

1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car-bomb
attack against the Israeli embassy. 

1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give
legal equality to blacks. 

1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be received
at the White House. 

1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F. Ahmanson
and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the nation's
seventh-largest banking company. 

1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had medical
benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 

1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its members
in the wake of a bribery scandal. 

2000 In Norway, Jens Stotenberg and the Labour Party took office as
Prime Minister. The coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik
resigned on March 9 as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult known
as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments killed
more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of deaths
linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities subsequently
found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 

2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into
orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures
before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana parents OD'd in the middle of the road, 
with 3 kids in the car
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What it means to be Irish 1) You will never play professional basketball. 2) You swear very well. 3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. 4) You think you sing very well. 5) You have no idea how to make a long story short! 6) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone. 7) Much of your childhood meals were boiled. 8) You have never hit your head on a ceiling. 9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer (ya know ya were thinkin' about bein' bad whether ya did it or not). 10) You're strangely poetic after a few beers. 11) You are, therefore, poetic alot. 12) You will be punched for no good reason...alot. 13) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations. 14) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen ... and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen . 15) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more then likely you. 16) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing. 17) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking. 18) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are...but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency. 19) There wasn't a huge difference between your last Wake and your last keg party. 20) You are, or know someone, named Murph. 21) If you don't know Murph then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac then you know Sully. Then you probably know Sully McMurphy. 22) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret. 23) You have Irish Alzheimer's... you forget everything but the grudges! 24) "Irish Stew" is a euphemism for "boiled leftovers." 25) All of your losses are alcohol related (loss of virginity, loss of driver's license, loss of money, loss of job, loss of significant other, loss of teeth from punch...) but it never stops you from drinking!!! ______________________________________________________ These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman in this one bar. "Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shift lifter." "Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink. With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and hear he was a pervert too." "Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds. "I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an Englishman?" The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were telling me." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wood carving from Dongyang, China _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One Saturday morning Murphy gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area. Murphy backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, he whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out hunting in that shit?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adam B. Smith,31, Donnis Smith,29 Chalmers, Indiana Indiana parents OD'd in the middle of the road, with 3 kids in the car Indiana police arrested two parents Friday night after they allegedly overdosed on heroin with their three young children in their SUV, according to WXIN. A passing motorist called police to report the 2003 Mercury Mountaineer SUV sitting in the middle of a Carroll County. The caller told the dispatch officer the two adults inside the vehicle weren't responding. “They will do almost anything to get that fix whether or not they place another person or a child in danger,” said Carroll County Sheriff Tobe Leazenby. Emergency crews arrived and administered Narcan after determining the two had likely overdosed on heroin. They transported the couple to a local hospital, where they were treated. They were later turned back over to law enforcement to be jailed. Authorities identified the parents as 31-year-old Adam B. Smith and his wife, 29-year-old Donnis Smith, both of Chalmers. Officers booked them into the Carroll County Jail on preliminary charges of felony neglect of a dependent child. They’re both being held on $5,000 bond and additional criminal charges are pending. Their children, ages 4, 6, and 11, were turned over to Department of Child Services case managers. Sheriff Leazenby says he has seen this cycle of abuse in his county repeatedly, and his department makes at least a dozen drug arrests each month. The spike in drug cases has led to overcrowding at his jail. “We have been above capacity for some time,” said Sheriff Leazenby. Based on statements made during the arrest of the couple, investigators searched a Carroll County home. There, they arrested 43-year-old Sara Huff on drug charges including dealing meth and cocaine. Investigators say more charges could be filed during this ongoing investigation. Tech Support Pits From: Nania Re: New Logitech Mouse
Dear Webby I got a Logitech M510 7 button mouse on your advice about 7 years ago. It has been a good mouse and outlasted a few lovers. Unfortunately, it got unpredictable. So I went and bought an identical one. Everything the same, except the price. Re-using the same old wireless USB button did not work. They are not THAT advanced! OK, so I got my handy dandy dental pliers and extracted the silly USB plug, and inserted the new one. The new mouse was configured for kindergarten. The Copy and Paste buttons on the side were now Forward and Back, for the widdle kiddies to bwowse their Disney stff. I spent an hour, almost, searching where to set the buttons to the way I am used to using them. Apparently that is too high for Windoze. How do I get my settings back? Thanks Nania Dear Nania Yes, you are right. That is too high for windoze. It would have been easy enough to save the config somewhere, but microsoft is punishing you for not buying a microsoft mouse. Use search everything to find setpoint or options_680.372 that is the program for setting the 7 buttons. (Copy, paste, left- click, right-click, scroll left, scroll right, enter) for enter on pushing down the wheel you have to select more and type in enter. Don't ask me why. After that your mouse will behave like your last one. Luckily windoze remembered the speed and double-click duration. You don't have to reset that. Have FU!N DearWebby
Maureen O'Murrah had taken a Manhattan taxi home from work, since both of the ladies she usually carpooled with had taken sick. In the confusion of the short-handed office staff, and hurrying downstairs to meet the cab, she had left her purse behind. As the cab pulled up to her apartment building, she was looking about the seat for her purse when the driver told her the price of her ride. In great embarrassment, she said, "Och. I'm not believin' I did this, Sir, but me purse isn't here. I must have left behind. I'm sorry, but I'm not havin' the money to pay you just now." The driver was... well, he was a Manhattan taxi driver. He said, "That's all right Missy, I'll just pull down into that dark street ahead, and get back there with you, and I'll just take your panties off." Maureen chuckled, and said "Shure, an' it's the poor end of the trade that you'll be gettin'. These panties only cost eighty-nine cents."
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Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This kid comes home all wet, one shoe off and one shoe on, dripping water all over the house. "Momma, momma, I fell in the drainage canal !!!" "Omigosh! How did you get out?" "This man was walking nearby, heard me yelling, and jumped in to save me." Maureen rushes out the door, runs to the canal, and finds a gentleman trying to dry himself off with old newspapers. "Are you the man who pulled my little boy out of the canal?" "Yes, ma'am, but it was really nothing." "Nothing?" she screamed, "what did you do with his other shoe?!?!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com St. Patrick's Day Sherbet Float By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] St. Patrick's Day Sherbet Float Ingredients: lemon-lime soda lime sherbet whipped cream green and white sprinkles Airheads Xtremes Bites candy Steps: Put two scoops of sherbet into a glass. Add the lemon-lime soda. Top with whipped cream and sprinkles. add soda Top with whipped cream and sprinkles. add sprinkles Finish it off with a rainbow candy. Enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
Rainbow colored mountains.
___________________________________________________ A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in Ireland, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 

1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 

1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of Kanvaha
in India. 

1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, later
Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan tribe in Maine
who spoke English. 

1802 The U.S. Congress established the West Point Military Academy
in New York. 

1836 The Republic of Texas approved a constitution. 

1850 The novel "The Scarlet Letter," by Nathaniel Hawthorne, was
published for the first time. 

1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 

1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United States to
join the Red Cross. 

1883 Susan Hayhurst graduated from the Philadelphia College of
Pharmacy. She was the first woman pharmacy graduate. 

1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was
completed at Glasgow. 

1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 

1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the
inauguration of Gomez. 

1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at Newport
News, VA. 

1915 The Federal Trade Commission began operation. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 

1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel
rocket. 

1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 

1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated the
Versailles Treaty. 

1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 

1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, small
pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 

1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed after
spending a year in jail. 

1946 India called British Premier Attlee's independence off
contradictory and a propaganda move. 

1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 

1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson submitted a $1 billion war on
poverty program to Congress. 

1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting mostly of
women and children. The event is known as the My-Lai massacre. 

1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing urban
guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 

1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new
nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 

1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the support
for one another's internal enemies. 

1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was kidnapped
by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 

1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 

1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken hostage
in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 

1987 "Bostonia" magazine printed an English translation of Albert
Einstein’s last high school report card. 

1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North, Vice
Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security Council, and two
others for their involvement in the Iran-Contra affair. 

1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their
driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto
speed endurance records including being the first person to travel
more than 400 mph on land. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved Gorbachev's
agrarian reform plan. 

1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved large-
scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100 members to
the Congress of People's Deputies. 

1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for human
consumption. 

1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy to
hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating rival
Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also banned from
amateur figure skating. 

1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade
plutonium. 

1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to
visit the Russian space station Mir. 

1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000
suspects for 500,000 murders. 

1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission
announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption and
financial mismanagement.

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 15

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police arrest burglar who crawled through 
attic space into neighbor’s apartment
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking
Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. [info][add][mail][note]Dave Barry (1947 - ) You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. --- Dave Barry _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to David for this story: "Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It ain't my fault, Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my dad. The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!" Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last Few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'" "'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!' He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'." "Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!" ______________________________________________________ At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" I offered to squeeze her for a while, but she threw a bag at me. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Barnegat, NJ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed,"she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doct or ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Jo Campbell, 46 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Police arrest burglar who crawled through attic space into neighbor’s apartment A bizarre burglary case in Oklahoma ended with an arrest Monday night after the suspect was found in her neighbor’s closet, according to KFOR. “The female who was inside one of the apartments went up into the attic, went to the other one and dropped down into the closet of the neighbor’s residence and began trying to steal clothing out of there,” said Master Sergeant, Gary Knight, with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Police arrested Heather Jo Campbell, 46, and discovered she had an active arrest warrant for another burglary from New Year’s Day. Kelcie Proctor says her dad woke up early that morning to find a woman lying on the floor beside his bed. “My dad assumed it was my brother’s date. And so was like, 'What are you doing upstairs with me? Go downstairs with Kase,'” said Proctor. Her dad and the woman walked downstairs. He even gave her a cup of coffee before she walked out the front door. “And my dad basically goes, 'Hey, your date’s leaving and Kase goes, 'What date, dad?' And at that point, they realized oh, this woman’s not supposed to be in our house!” said Proctor. That’s when the family noticed several of their reusable shopping bags loaded down with stuff the woman had evidently intended to steal. “Fried chicken, spices, toilet paper, bleach, what else. She had my used toothpaste, my shower caddy, my brother’s old hoodies,” said Proctor. Police were able to identify the suspect because she left her cell phone behind at the Proctor home. An arrest warrant was issued at that time but police had not been able to find her until the burglary at the apartments on Monday. Proctor is glad she is finally in custody. “It’s crazy that this woman has the audacity to just walk into people's houses while they’re sleeping. It’s scary. My story is funny, but it’s terrifying,” said Proctor. Proctor said Campbell did get away with her brother’s laptop and some expensive headphones. Police say Campbell has multiple prior felony convictions, many of them for burglary. Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: What to do about a scam?
Dear Webby My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. US Secret Service Financial Crimes Division 950 H Street N.W. Suite 5300 Washington, DC 20223 Phone: (202) 406-5850 Fax: (202) 406-5031 419.fcd@usss.treas.gov The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 170 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. By the way, do NOT go to Nigeria to meet some good looking US General. He is dead. Somebody already fixed his wagon. However, the crooks still use his picture. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Wrong Side of the Bed Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning, Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you." But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this: If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 10,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 10,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: If these statistics are true, the U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Answering Machine for New Baby Info With a new baby, you can spend a lot of time fielding calls from family members when you would rather just be relaxing. One thing you can do is leave a message on your answering machine giving the baby's name, weight, gender, and it's date and time of birth. Ask people to leave a message so you can call them back at a later date. That way you can rest and they can get the information they want about your new arrival. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
Artist arranges natural objects into ephemeral patterns and designs.
___________________________________________________ It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking
Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 

1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between
Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 

1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New
World voyage. 

1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed
east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the
world. 

1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General Cornwallis'
1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 

1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near the city
of Gallatin, TN. 

1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach Alexandria,
LA. 

1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, was
named the first American cardinal. 

1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England was played
in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 

1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting
machine. 

1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was the
first escalator. 

1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement between
Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the Anglo-German
accord of October 1900. 

1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work after
a weeklong strike. 

1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 square
miles were now controlled by the U.K. 

1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled Port
Arthur in Korea. 

1907 In Finland, woman won their first seats in the Finnish
Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 

1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 

1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by Dutch
artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the work. 

1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under General
Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit Pancho Villa.
The mission failed. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His
brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 

1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris. 

1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country
gained nominal independence from Britain. 

1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 

1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four
Berlin newspapers. 

1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for
transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County
Hospital. 

1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 

1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of
Czechoslovakia. 

1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 

1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after
agreement on a constitution. 

1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years
after the end of World War II. 

1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops for
the fight in Vietnam. 

1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 

1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 

1960 Ten nations met in Geneva to discuss disarmament. 

1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral
Reef Preserve. 

1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. 

1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. 

1977 The U.S. House of Representatives began a 90-day test to
determine the feasibility of showing its sessions on television. 

1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state of siege
and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This came a day
after anti-government rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran
border. 

1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with the
installation of a civilian government. 

1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all
fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were
found in Philadelphia, PA. 

1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th
Department in the President's Cabinet. 

1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for
spying. 

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president of
the Soviet Union. 

1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 

1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of
independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force in
the Baltic republic. 

1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating
of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 

1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week of
anit-communist protests. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear
testing until September of 1995. 

1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 

1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to
demand independence for Kosovo. 

2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life
sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 

2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The
event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally by
a fast food chain. 

2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning
her five children on June 20, 2001. 

2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press
that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear
arms against states that don't have them. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 14

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Welfare queen busted for fraud after 
showing off her wealth on FaceBook
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster (1962 - ) When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Banaue rice terraces, Ifugao, Philippines _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Galit Levi 37, Hollis Hills, New York Welfare queen busted for fraud after showing off her wealth on FaceBook A welfare queen who collected nearly $100,000 from Medicaid was actually worth more than a million dollars, and flaunted her wealth on Facebook. Now, she's facing jail time. Galit Levi lives a pretty comfortable life if you follow her Facebook. She reportedly has deposited over a million dollars into her bank account with her husband over the past few years. During that time, however, she was also collecting tens of thousands of dollars in Medicaid benefits, claiming tp be out of work while her husband earned less than $2000 a month. Levi is now facing fraud charges, and is accused of forging her Medicaid application. Her Facebook page showed she lived pretty well, with lots of pictures of her and her family having a good time. They also reportedly bought a nice house, only to tear it down so they could build a bigger, more luxourious one. A Queens mom with $1 million in the bank fleeced Medicaid of nearly $70,000 over three years, officials announced Thursday. Galit Levi, 37, of Hollis Hills, was charged with grand larceny, welfare fraud, and falsifying business records, according to the Queens District Attorney's office. To get approved for Medicaid benefits, Levi claimed she was unemployed and that her husband earned approximately $1,750 a month not enough to support the two adults and their four kids. Officials approved Levi and her family for public assistance in January 2012 after she filed what turned out to be a bogus claim, authorities said. She then proceeded to bilk the system of $67,000 through December 2015, submitting several renewals for Medicaid assistance, the criminal complaint said. But in fact, a review of Levi's bank accounts with her husband uncovered deposits from 2012 through 2016 that exceeded $1.3 million, authorities said. Levi faces some serious charges. Just the charge of grand larceny could land her in prison for 15 years. Although she was able to make bail of $5,000, she had to turn over her passport, so she cannot flee back to Israel. Medicaid is intended to help the truly needy, but this defendant's bank records allegedly show her family's income was well above the levels that would have made her and her children eligible for assistance, said Queens District Attorney Richard Brown. Tech Support Pits From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby This is about a column a while ago. I was on vacation. There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumb Drives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are 100% right. And the price of them has come down quite nicely. Some stores even give them away whenver they have some sale on. But even if you have to pay $1 or $2 for a 10 GB Thumb Drive with their logo printed on, it is still a good deal. Have FUN! DearWebby
There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection!
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A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband, stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck for this story: One afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..." I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself that question at least once? "Oh, well...um..." I stammered. She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things. As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down. There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did she got over her pique. That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since.
This precious geological wonder is found in southern Arizona
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice.
She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 

1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and
Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 

1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on
board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 

1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his improvement on the cotton
(en)gin. 

1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East
Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 

1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of
the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across
the Channel. 

1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification
of the Gold Standard Act. 

1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws
of heredity. Mendel was right after all.

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed
the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate
rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the
newly independent Panama. 

1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the
Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great
Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 

1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after
their war. 

1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with
Germany in naval strength. 

1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 

914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to
assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12½
hours to 93 minutes. 

1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the
Chilean coast. 

1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with
the Central Powers. 

1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an
income tax report. 

1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed
suicide. 

1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge
is God and itself. 

1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its
independence. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office.

1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the
Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It
was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 

1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the
Philippines. 

1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the
U.S.S.R. 

1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the
Korean War. 

1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista
government of Cuba. 

1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee
Harvey Oswald. 

1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave to a
permanent one. 

1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and
Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 

1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases
were hit. 

1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were
married or would get married. 

1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident
aircraft crashed into a factory. 

1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing
near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was
aboard the plane. 

1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after
they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani
prisoners. 

1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in
its 23-year history. 

1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President
George H.W. Bush. 

1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged
part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that
the police fabricated evidence. 

1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after
U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers.

1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to
enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 

1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-
terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic
militants. 

1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 

2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan
intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A
five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi
was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 

2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake
had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
He was eventually acquitted, but her kids,not his-, sued him for $80
Million and after he appealed, they got $30 Million. 
He is dead now.

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 13

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck 
With Her Child Inside out of the truck. 
He ran but got caught by bicycle cops.
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 13 in
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is too short for traffic. --- Dan Bellack Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." ______________________________________________________ A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly." The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some money!" Click. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog. 21.---You had to change churches because the new preacher works as game warden / taxidermist during the week. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by DeShawn Jackson, 23, Bremerton, Washington Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck With Her Child Inside out of the truck. He ran but got caught by bicycle cops. Surveillance video shows the moment a Washington state mother fought off a man trying to steal a pickup truck with her 2-year-old inside on Wednesday, March 7. The woman was walking around the truck when a shirtless man passing by jumped to the driver's seat. The woman managed to open the door of the truck just as it started to move. She struggled with the man. He punched her. The truck drove on a sidewalk and hit a short concrete wall. The man got out and ran away. Police were called to the scene on Elizabeth Avenue in Bremerton and bicycle officers in the area started to chase the suspect, identified as 23-year-old DeShawn Jackson, Q13 Fox reported. Jackson led the officers on a several-block chase during which he attempted to steal another vehicle and hide inside a home. He was arrested and faces charges of robbery, kidnapping, burglary, felony harassment, theft of a motor vehicle, assault, and hit and run. After the arrest, Jackson told officers he smoked synthetic marijuana. There were no reports of an injury of the 2-year-old. Jackson has a lengthy criminal history, including a 2014 conviction for punching, choking, and kicking his girlfriend. What a hero! Getting beat up and drug out of a truck by a young woman, then chased and caught by bicycle cops. They will still be laughing in jail by the time he finishes serving his 10 years. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Windows Media Player Dear Webby I have used VLC Media Player as a Window's video viewer however lately I find it becomes "pixelated"(?) frequently. Is there a better app. Lee Dear Lee I still use the regular Microsoft Media Player, even though Microsoft claims that they don't support it for W7 PRO 64. It still seems to work OK. You can download it at https://media-player- classic.en.softonic.com/download You can also get a new version of VLC there. Since your VLC USED to work OK, it might be that your machine is short on available RAM. Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC for the task manager. Click on the s econd tab: Processes If you see any that are over 500.000 K, highlight them and click on END this task, especially if it is a browser. The machine will run a lot better after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a long rifle in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment. As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Vancouver or Seattle. They're too wet to burn!"
Best of the week of "People are Awesome!"
___________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 13 in
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 

0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 

1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 

1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 

1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of
Virginia. 

1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-
ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American
army. 

1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 

1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam
cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 

1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as
soldiers for the Confederacy. 

1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 

1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 

1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and
that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His
net worth was estimated at $300 million. 

1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when
students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 

1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for
donations. 

1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The
owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 

1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 

1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in
France. 

1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in
New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 

1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 

1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by
scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 

1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been
declared by President Roosevelt. 

1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem
confirming some biblical history. 

1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a
treaty in Moscow. That did not last. Russia invaded Finland again.

1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the
U.S.S.R. 

1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in
the U.S. Army. 

1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill
700 in Bougainville. 

1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were
stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 

1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja
Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 

1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost
of caring for war refugees. 

1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time
in newspapers across the country. 

1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 

1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 

1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of
a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 

1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 

1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 

1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 

1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 

1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of
reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been
riding in a Ford Pinto. 

1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 

1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Exon
Valdez oil spill. 

2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that
North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic
missile. 

2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had
found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were
made by three early, upright-walking humans that were descending the
side of a volcano. 

2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica announced
it would discontinue its print edition. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 12

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah woman on trial for trying to hire 
hit man charged with same crime again
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 12 in
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine 
was used for the first time in America. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Betty-Sue is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh", ... I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Deer always have the right of way, and they are about as soft as concrete blocks. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men? A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, in jail Salt Lake City, Utah Utah woman on trial for trying to hire hit man charged with same crime again A Herriman woman now convicted of trying to arrange to have her ex- husband murdered — who was previously charged with seeking a second hit man while in jail — was charged yet again Friday with trying to hire a third hit man. The stunning charges against Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, were filed on the same day a jury began deliberating her initial case. She was found guilty Friday afternoon of one count of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, but was acquitted of a second count. Early last year, Gillman was charged with two counts of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, for allegedly asking one of her employees — a man who also rents a condominium from her — "if he could arrange to have her ex-husband, Mr. D. Gillman, killed," charging documents state. She allegedly gave the man $5,000 and promised him $100,000 more once her ex-husband and his current wife were dead and she collected her ex-husband's life insurance. Gillman was married to Duane H. Gillman, a veteran bankruptcy attorney in Salt Lake City. The plan was for the acquaintance to hire a third person to carry out the murder and make it look like Duane Gillman died from a drug overdose, according to the charges. Instead, the man went to police and Gillman was arrested. Then in June, Gillman was charged with attempted obstruction of justice, a third-degree felony. Police say while she was in the Salt Lake County Jail, she approached another inmate who she thought was affiliated with a white supremacist gang. "Gillman referred to herself as 'the bank,' and said that she 'could make everything happen'" if he would take care of the man who went to the police, charging documents say. Gillman said that if "somehow (the man) ended up dead or disappearing, then I would walk out of here a free woman," investigators wrote in the charges. She also allegedly said that if the man disappeared, "it would make all her dreams come true." That case was eventually dismissed due to problems with witnesses. This week, Gillman went on trial for her criminal solicitation charges. Prosecutors recounted the allegations against Gillman on Friday morning, saying the evidence in the case, including audio recordings, clearly laid out the woman's plot. But Gillman's attorney, Colleen Coebergh, argued Gillman was the one who had been solicited by the so-called hitman, who was actually after the elderly woman's money. Jurors began deliberating the case later in the day. But in an unbelievable turn of events, the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office announced Friday that Gillman had tried to hire a hit man once again from the jail as recently as three weeks ago. She wanted to have the prosecution's key witness in her original case murdered, as well as an attorney, according to court documents. She was charged Friday with two more counts of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, and two counts of obstructing justice, a second-degree felony. The new charges say Gillman asked an attorney on Feb. 13 to bring her a check while visiting her at the jail. Gillman then filled out the check and placed it in an envelope addressed to "M.K.," according to police. Jail corrections officers intercepted the letter, noting that it was against policy for mail to be delivered directly to an inmate. They opened the letter and noticed the check was made out for $155,000, the new charges state. The next day, investigators interviewed another inmate — a woman Gillman had befriended while behind bars. Gillman told the woman she would post her bail if she agreed to break into a storage unit and destroy two CDs that contained recordings of Gillman and others involved in her case, according to the charges. Gillman also wanted the woman to find the prosecution's key witness in her case — the former employee whom she was accused of originally asking to have her husband killed — and "give him a 'confess' letter that was authored by Gillman," the charges state. If he refused to sign it, the woman (inmate) was told to contact a specific person (who is not named in the court documents) and take the former employee "out," the charges state. In addition, Gillman wanted the woman to ask the same unnamed person "if he would be willing to kill" an attorney who won a civil case against her, according to Gill. "She had lined up an individual who would take the witness out. And in addition, asked to have an attorney killed in an opposing civil action against her that she had lost," the district attorney said. The inmate provided police with several documents in Gillman's handwriting aimed to "provide incentive" for the alleged hit man to carry out the plan, the charges state, "and emphasizing that her case needed to be 'shot down.'" The check was made out to a family member of the female inmate, according to the charges. Bail for Gillman's new charges is set at $2.5 million. On Friday, Gill praised the investigator who uncovered the new plot and noted that all the allegations are being taken seriously. Sentencing for Gillman is set for April 23. She faces a potential sentence of five years to life in prison, more if she tries hiring additional contract killers in the meantime. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Email Stationery Dear Webby, My question today is about email. I read in your Tech Support column where you said that Incredimail is spyware because it tracks everybodys addresses. Got me to thinking about all email. Is there a systemn that does NOT do this? I think I have heard you mention Eudora, but I don't know anything about it. I have been using Incredimail because I like the stationery. Is there something you can reccommend that is not considered spyware and yet allows the use of different kinds of stationery? Keep up the good work on the Humor Letter! It makes my day! Thanks! Beverly Dear Beverly I nhave used Eudora since 1993. It always has had stationery, long before the Incredimail nuisance was released. Nowadays jsut about any email program has stationery, however, stationery has pretty well gone out of fashion. Most people just want the message or question. Even Gmail can use stationery! You can use pretty and cute stationery, or even forms to be filled out. Gmail itself does not have built in stationery, but you can set your Gmail to forward to your home address, where you use Thunderbird. Here are the details: Stationery in Gmail Have FUN! DearWebby
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the child, 'but the store is full of mothers.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, "These are very good! You must have a very good camera." He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, "That was a really delicious meal, Millie!" "Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically. Then Morris added, "Your cook must have a very good stove!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Turkey Casserole When packing up the leftovers from the birthday party, make a couple of "Turkey Casseroles". Spray the casseroles, put cooked Turkey in the bottom and top with Gravy. Next add a layer of carrots or other leftover veggies (Brussel Sprouts are not a good idea). Then a layer of dressing, and top it off with a layer of Mashed Potatoes. Push down slightly and cover with plastic wrap. I put the lid on the casserole and wrap it again to avoid having to look for it when you warm it up. Pop it in the freezer. To reheat: Thaw in the fridge all day and heat for about 1 hour at 325 degrees F. Just make sure it is HOT in the center before serving. It's like a Mini-Turkey Dinner! By Faye Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said. "That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him. "I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"
I love these elegant woodcarvings. There have been and still are some amazingly talented people in this old world.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 12 in
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 

1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 

1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted land
in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 

1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first
time. 

1789 The U.S. Post Office was established. 

1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave
the country. 

1884 The State of Mississippi authorized the first state-supported
college for women. It was called the Mississippi Industrial Institute
and College. 

1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone
system. 

1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 

1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom
of religion throughout his territory. 

1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolliwas forced out of office by
continued civil strife. 

1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield
incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 

1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for
Britain. 

1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the
conflict with El Salvador. 

1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of
infantile paralysis. 

1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was
Girl Guides. 

1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for
putting sound on motion picture film. 

1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his
defiance of British rule over India. 

1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German
Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side
by side. 

1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 

1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 

1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 

1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 

1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help
Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 

1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood
of Hawaii. 

1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first National
Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 

1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in Geneva. 

1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points
against the Atlanta Hawks. 

1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned
to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an
effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 

1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 

1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new cabinet to
end civil war. 

1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute
of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on
the floor as part of an exhibit. 

1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British
Commonwealth. 

1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major
military bases. 

1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney
general. 

1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was
confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a
head and neck attached. 

1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 

1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid might
collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by 600,000
miles. 

1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were
members of the former Warsaw Pact. 

2002 U.S. homeland security chief Tom Ridge unveiled a color-coded
system for terror warnings. 

2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed
merger worth $15.6 billion. 

2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months
after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5,
2002, by a drifter, who that had previously worked at the Smart home. 

2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance
flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March
2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 

2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be
renamed Willis Tower, because Arabs consider Sears to be Jewish owned,
and hinted, it would be next to come down. 

2018  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 11
For some of you daylight savings time starts today.
Check your computer time. It will be right.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court 
for stolen car charge
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 11 in
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was
the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. --- Friedrich Nietzsche _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Notes to the Milkman (In England) "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened." My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ______________________________________________________ Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Parry's Penstemon, near Phoenix, March 9. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Rivera, 25, Hartford, Connecticut CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court for stolen car charge Police said a man answering to a stolen car charge drove a stolen car to court in Hartford. Police said that on Wednesday Jonathan Rivera, 25, was at the Hartford Superior Court on Wednesday to appear before a judge on a charge of first-degree larceny and tampering with a motor vehicle from February. Parking authority agents scanning license plates outside the courthouse found the car, a 2014 white Subaru Legacy, that had been reported stolen out of Newington. Police kept an eye on the car, and they arrested Rivera when he got inside and tried to drive away. Rivera has been charged with second-degree larceny and taking a motor vehicle without the owner’s permission. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Large and small HTML tags Dear Webby, As I was snooping in the source code of your pages to try and learn some tricks, I noticed that you start tags with capital letters and close them with small letters. For example, you start a bold section with <.B> and end it with <./b> Is that the secret for your pages loading so fast, even though you use a lot of color and graphics? Robert Dear Robert That trick does not affect the speed. A good server takes care of the speed. That trick is just an old habit from the good old days when web pages were writen by hand with a plain text editor, and chiseled onto stone tablets. With a plain text editor it can and does happen, that you are typing too fast, and miss a bracket, or forget to close a tag. Using Caps for opening and small letters for closing, makes it a bit easier to find mistakes. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting the Most out of Turkey or Chicken Bones To pull the calcium out of chicken or turkey bones add 1 ounce vinegar to each quart of water up to 4 ounces total when you are making soup stock. It will not give a vinegar taste to the soup but will draw out ALL the nutrients in the bones. By Reta Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
The seaweed houses of Læsø Island. Very ingenious to use the seaweed for roofs but not such a good idea to cut down all the trees!
___________________________________________________ My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...) Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 11 in
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 

1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according
to William Shakespeare. 

1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and
the French government. 

1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns,
guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 

1702 The Daily Courant, the first regular English newspaper was
published. 

1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to
Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 

1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 

1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the
small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of
Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of
Waitangi. 

1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a
new constitution was adopted. 

1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied
Fayetteville, NC. 

1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 

1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard
shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400
people died.(March 11-14) 

1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace
overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 

1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with
Nicaragua. 

1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased
Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's
richest man. 

1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson
River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New
York, NY. 

1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 

1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke
its anti-Japanese legislation. 

1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 

1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees
for the sum of $80,000. 

1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease
Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies.

1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled
out of Mukden, Manchuria. 

1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a
warmonger. 

1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network
television's first successful children's program. 

1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort
to end arms smuggling to the South. 

1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 

1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his
1,000th career goal. 

1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet
Communist Party. 

1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-stick
frozen treat for a one-stick model. 

1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 

1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was
the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 

1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first
democratically elected president since 1973. 

1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become
the first female attorney general. 

1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty
refusing to open sites for inspection. 

1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the
first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 

1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said
that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit,
Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory
announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 

2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New
York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks
of September 11, 2001. 

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Is Mailwasher difficult to use? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 10

If anybody is interested in these domain names, 
they are for sale
cheap: $20  
First come, first serve.
Owners have retired.
taopainting.com
gunwear.com

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC woman was arrested for shooting inside a movie theater
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, March 10 in
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night
before. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." ______________________________________________________ A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Even though it has not rained yet since Sept, some flowers in Coyote Canyon off Route 78 are blooming. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shameka Latreena Lynch, 30, Greenville, North Carolina NC woman started shooting in a full movie house A North Carolina woman is jailed on multiple felony charges after she allegedly opened fire in a movie theater during a dispute over assigned seats at a screening of “Black Panther,” according to police and court records. Investigators allege that Shameka Latrice Lynch, 30, squabbled with other moviegoers around 11:45 PM Friday at a crowded AMC theater in Greenville. During the dispute over seating arrangements for the Marvel superhero movie, Lynch allegedly pulled out a .32 caliber pistol and discharged the weapon inside the theater. Lynch, seen above, fired one round into the theater’s ceiling, police allege. While the shooting resulted in no injuries, Lynch has been charged with two counts of assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill (prosecutors have identified the victims as two men attending the “Black Panther” showing). Lynch is also facing a third felony count for discharging a weapon in an enclosure to incite fear. The shooting prompted police to evacuate the entire 12-screen multiplex. Lynch surrendered to police Saturday evening and was booked into the Pitt County Detention Center, where she is being held on $250,000 bond. Lynch is next due in court on March 14 _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richi Re: What is MailWasher Dear Webby, How does mailwasher work? is it very difficult to use? I seem to getting alot of links and spam in my email.some of the names i do notice but all that is in there is just a link to somewhere, and im afraid to click on the link.do you think its just spam?i dont want it to clog up my system if i click on the link,what do you reccommend? tyvm o dear webby for your advice and help Richi Dear Richi Mailwasher is easy to use, easier than your email program. Since you have mastered that, you have no worries. Mailwasher looks at your mail on your ISP's server, washes the spam out of it, then you just download the left over legitimate mail. Your ISP will love it! A LOT less useless file transfers. You get to see the list, just the header and a few lines, and you "pardon" mail, that should not have been flagged as spam. It happens. For example when I bitch and complain about a certain virus, MailWasher might think it is a dangerous mail and flag it as spam. That's when you mark my newsletter as FRIEND or make filters. You can make filters really easy. You click on choices like "includes" in "body", and the offending word. Then you can add, "but does not include" and a saving grace word like "Humor". That way, even if I bitch about certain spam, it washes out all other occurrences of spam, that include the trigger word, but not the Humor Letter. Like the "But not", there are lots of other boolean operators you can use. Actually, all the "Regular Expressions" are available. That makes crafting filters an exciting game. Spammers have no chance. My Mailwasher reduces all the mails per day I get to the 100 - 200, that I actually read and answer. Especially with your Comcast address, that gets harvested quite frequently, you really do need MailWasher. You can get the full PRO for under $40 at http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot." Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words: "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap." The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, this is bull shit... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway! The audience was howling.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD This Is AMAZING!!! Until now I never fully understood how to tell, The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely... See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. Cookie Note: Not everybody will arrive at the same results! ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use the Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the extra fat dripping from the turkey. By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio."
Why is water pouring out of this tree in Montenegro?
___________________________________________________ GREAT NEWSLETTER. LOVE IT ALL JOKES, PICTURES. NEW LINKS TO OPEN, JUST EVERYTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK DWANNA ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________

Today, March 10 in
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of
Aegusa. 

0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 

1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western
Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 

1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it
back for 11 years. 

1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all
free men regardless of their religion. 

1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He succeeded
Benjamin Franklin. 

1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 

1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from
France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 

1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 

1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied
Army at the battle of Laon. 

1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which
ended the war with Mexico. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to lift vessels
over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 

1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies in the U.S.
Civil War. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the
telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see
you." 

1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 

1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night
before. 

1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's first dog-
licensing law. 

1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the
British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 

1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 

1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 

1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was
quarantined with six dead from cholera. 

1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at
Courrieres. 

1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 

1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 

1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu Ch'ing
Dynasty. 

1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding
late-night work for women. 

1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak in
public. 

1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 

1940 W2XBS-TV in New York City aired the first televised opera as it
presented scenes from "I Pagliacci". 

1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed
food to reach France. 

1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the
accusation of spying on Allied troops. 

1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed.

1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 

1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid pact. 

1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis
Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was convicted of
treason and served 12 years in prison. 

1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. The
ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 

1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley.


1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S.
dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its headquarters from
Paris. 

1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the assassination
of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated the guilty plea and
maintained his innocence until his death in April of 1998. 

1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age to
18. 

1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of
Ban Me Thout. 

1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the
militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 

1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued support
of terrorism. 

1986 The Wrigley Company, of Chicago, raised the price of its seven-
stick pack of Wrigley’s chewing gum from a quarter to 30 cents. 

1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test-tube
and artificial insemination. 

1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after
seizing power in a coup. 

1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S.
troops from the Persian Gulf region. 

1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand
jury about the Whitewater controversy. 

1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first
vaccinations against anthrax. 

2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S.
Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the
possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the
U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea.

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