Dear Webby: Spyware and virus protection 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 17, 2007
======================================

Our lives improve only when we take chances -
and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be
honest with ourselves.
--- Walter Anderson

"Of cheerfulness, or a good temper -
the more it is spent, the more of it remains."
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling
that something about this day was to be different.

Something unusual WAS about to happen today.
He glanced out the window at the thermometer:
33 degrees.  He went downstairs - the clock had
stopped at 3 o'clock.  He picked up the newspaper
and read the date: the 3rd of the month.

Threes - that was it!  He grabbed the paper and
flipped it open to the racing section.  Sure enough
in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio!
The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life
savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

The horse finished 3rd.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he
called a local repair shop where a friendly man
informed him that the printer probably needed only
to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for
such cleanings, he told him he might be better off
reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Brian Anton, minister at Living Word Church in Tampa, Florida Dopey Preacher May 7, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP A 70-year-old minister faces drug charges after police said he had crack cocaine at his church. Police said an officer approached David Brian Anton Sunday in the parking lot of Living Word Church in Tampa. The officer searched Anton and reported finding a plastic bag with 16 rocks of crack cocaine in his shirt pocket. An affidavit said police also recovered a crack pipe. Anton was charged with possession of cocaine, possession of cocaine within 1,000-feet of a church and possession of drug paraphernalia. He remains in jail on a $17,500 bond. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?" To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Spyware Protection Dear Webby I love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could help me...do you know what the best spyware and virus protection to run on your computer..I am haveing problems and don't know what to get...Thanks Pat Dear Pat I use McAfee Virus Scan and McAfee FireWall and Spybot-Search&Destroy from the left side menu in the Humor Letter. That one is free. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Zhengzhou City, Henan, China - Ananova An 87-year-old grandfather is studying law in China after his own lawyer let him down. Wang Jianbang, 87, of Zhengzhou city, Henan province, is taking the course with students a quarter of his age. "I was in a lawsuit for two years concerning my apartment, and suffered a lot for my lack of knowledge," he told the Zhengzhou Evening News. The lawyer he hired confused a civil case with an administrative case, which made him realise the importance of knowing more about the law. "The case lasted two years, which wasted a lot of my time and money. Since I am still able, I want to become a lawyer," he added. The Zhengzhou Justice training school has waived all of Wang's tuition fees because of his age. School president Sun Jiwen said: "We were touched by his spirit. He is the most senior student we have had and we want to help him realise his dream."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Mushrooms When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do, they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms are ninety percent water.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS" If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful. They will give you company and support. And if you happen to die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes start to pile up. Not everyone is so lucky. A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her apartment for more than 10 months before police found her body. The body was discovered only because the landlord cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?" The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al Gore. Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying so easy, even dead people can do it. In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer the door, but I'm dead tired." Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to realize that a room was available. Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles. The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion: Delaney was very stubborn. The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months, probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful smell." Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if they're OK. You: "Hello! Is anyone there?" Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion." You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just stopping by to make sure you aren't dead." Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since 1983. Do you think that's abnormal?" You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote." If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few telltales: ---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts want to camp there. ---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a free paint job from the birds. ---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover Cleveland for President." ---They're still flying the confederate flag. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: lStrange Colors http://snipurl.com/1kw3x
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 273 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 516 )
Dear Webby: Norton 360 Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 16, 2007
======================================

He who laughs, lasts.
--- Mary Pettibone Poole

=======================================

A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer
was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers
to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells
him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the
barn"

Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you
plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ?

The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing
education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming
than messing with cows and tearing down fences.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced
into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly
what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam,"
he said at length, "I've just three things to tell
you."

"First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds.
Second, you should use about one tenth as
much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist -
the doctor's office is on the next floor."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to car drivers in Jerusalem and a Darwin Award goes to Moshe Yisraeli, 63 of Jerusalem Worse than New York! May 8, 2007 - Jerusalem - Reuters More than two dozen Israeli motorists maneuvered around the dead body of a road accident victim lying in the middle of a busy intersection, failing to stop to help in an incident captured by a traffic camera. In footage broadcast by Israeli television stations on Monday and in a series of photographs on newspaper front pages, motorcyclist Moshe Yisraeli was seen trying to squeeze between two trucks at a junction on a highway near Tel Aviv Sunday. He never made it. The camera captured his body lying near the centre of the four-way intersection, his motorcycle meters away on its side. Some 30 cars and trucks slowed down and then carefully drove around the prone motorcyclist in a stream of traffic that continued for nearly two minutes before a driver stopped his vehicle and approached the body. An ambulance crew later pronounced Yisraeli, 63, dead at the scene ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture! =========================================== Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard. "You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train doesn¹t stop here." Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry. If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Norton Dear Webby I found out the hard way, again, that I should have followed your advice instead of listening to our IT manager. It seems that Vista + Norton is fatal. All of our company machines are too slow to work on, and don't even open browsers any more. My borrowed daughter's laptop with XP on it is our only properly working machine. (Her laptop is borrowed, she isnt). The company machines are so badly trashed, we can't even uninstall Norton. You mentioned a tool for cleaning out Norton once. Would that work to get the machines to work again? And how do we get it onto machines that can't browse any more? Thanks Elsie Dear Elsie Just browse with the laptop to my tool box and look for the Norton Removal Tool. Download it to the laptop and burn it onto a CD, or send it to each machine over the office network. Just copy the download right onto the desktop, then hit that icon. Once you have Norton removed, your machines will work exactly the same as they did before they installed Norton. There is apparently no lasting damage. From what I read, they had a wacky update patch, that Norton downloaded automatically, and it slowly cripples the machines infected with it. You will probably hear a lot more about Norton 360's problem in the next few days. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 9, 2007 - Merrill, Wisconsin - AP A service station that offered discounted gas to senior citizens and people supporting youth sports has been ordered by the state to raise its prices. Center City BP owner Raj Bhandari has been offering senior citizens a 2 cent per gallon price break and discount cards that let sports boosters pay 3 cents less per gallon. But the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection said those deals violate Wisconsin's Unfair Sales Act, which requires stations to sell gas for about 92 percent more than the wholesale price. Bhandari said he received a letter from the state auditor last month saying the state would sue him if he did not raise his prices. The state could penalize him for each discounted gallon he sold, with the fine determined by a judge. Bhandari, who bought the station a year ago, said he worries customers will think he stopped the discounts because he wants to make more money. About 10 percent of his customers had used the discount cards.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Seafood Odors From Hands To remove seafood odor from your hands after dealing with boiled shrimp, crab, fish, etc., simply sprinkle salt onto wet hands, rub and rinse. No more odors. Lemon juice also works well for removing seafood smells. By Patricia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 494 )
Dear Webby: DreamWeaver Site List back-up 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 15, 2007
======================================

Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man.
But they don't bite everybody.
--- Stanislaw Lec

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:

The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on
the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.

"Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing
who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was
your age, I never even thought about sex."

In unison they all replied, "You win!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out
that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents'
occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside.
Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little
bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars
in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher
explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure
what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went
to work at motels."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott Barricklow, of Manchester, Missouri No talent for drumming May 4, 2007 - Manchester, Missouri - AP A music teacher who twice ordered a seven-year-old pupil to hit himself in the head with drum mallets will not return to the Parkway School District next year. The incident happened on February 9th in teacher Paul Provencio's music class at Carman Trails Elementary School in suburban St. Louis. State officials say the 36-year-old teacher intended the head-banging as a lesson to Justin Barricklow about hitting the drums too hard. The Missouri Department of Social Services investigated the case at the request of the boy's father, Scott Barricklow, who works as a groundskeeper for the Parkway district. Provencio has since apologized. School officials called the incident "unprofessional and totally inappropriate." ------------------------- What ever happened to: "An indoor drum is a precision instrument. Don't hit it any harder than you would hit your head!" ? Somehow I doubt that thousands of years of drummer tradition are going to be made obsolete because of a wimp and some clueless dogooders. Drumming is not for wimps. Just like the profession of beer tasting requires some pre-existing alcoholism, most musicians feel that really good drumming requires a certain amount of pre-existing brain damage. Otherwise, thousands of drummer jokes would be obsolete! ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Mike for sending this picture! I shot these at The Butterfly Farm last week on the island of St Maarten ... enjoy! Mike =========================================== Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? He had to break a window to get the drummer out! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I asked my drummer to spell "Mississippi"... He said, "the river or the state?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do trumpet players park in the handicap spots? They put drumsticks on the dash. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a drummer who's lost his girlfriend? A: Homeless. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a kid with a set of drums? A: Poster child for Birth Control. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this report: May 13, 2007 - Rome, Italy - AFP A 24-year-old Sicilian man under house arrest called for police to bring him to jail because he could no longer put up with arguments with his mother and stepfather, a news agency reported Saturday. Marcello Lazzara, under house arrest in connection with counterfeit CD sales, preferred going outside the house to be arrested for escape rather than remain with his family in Palermo, Ansa agency said. "I am so glad to meet you," the man told police when they arrived to arrest him in the street outside his home. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lynda Re: DreamWeaver Site List Dear Webby I use DreamWeaver to take care of the sites of about a dozen clients. I love the program and see why all the PROs use it. But about twice a year it trashes the site list and I have to manually punch in the whole set-up for each site. You mentioned that you use DreamWeaver. Does yours do that too, and how do you cope with it? Lynda Dear Lynda It's a known bug, and is not likely to ever get fixed. However, a few years ago Jörg Schmalenberger in Germany made a little back-up utility for backing up the site list and your preferences settings. You can get it free at http://mm-exporter.joexx.de/ You can even export your site list and prefereces onto a key-fob RAM disk or camera chip to store in a safety deposit box far away from your computer. If you lose this link, it is also in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools.html Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Xuzhou, China - Yangtse Evening Post A 92-year-old grandmother jumped into a fishing lake in China to save a four-year-old boy. Lu Bohua, who is 5ft 1ins tall, jumped into the 6ft deep lake, near Xuzhou city, without a second thought when she heard the boy crying. "I was going home after visiting a neighbor, and heard a kid crying," she told the Yangtse Evening Post. Seeing no one else around, Lu jumped into the lake, grabbed the little boy and held his head above water but the banks were too steep for her to get out again. "The kid was so scared, and I could feel him shivering," she said. "I felt myself gradually losing strength, so I shouted out for help." Villagers heard the cry and ran for the lake, and were surprised to see the pensioner holding the child while shouting for help. Villagers praised Lu's courage.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beans Without Gas You can reduce gas from eating beans by boiling beans for 1/2 hour, rinsing, and soaking for several more hours. This methods works because triglycerides soak out and get discarded. I rinse beans multiple times, even canned ones. By Rose
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her, we just go out there and get her." ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:: Really old photos http://www.shorpy.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 161 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 455 )
Dear Webby: Special Quarters 

Monday,  May 14, 2007
======================================

I am sorry about yesterday's Humor Letter being late, like
usual on Mothers Day. I sent it out at the normal time, but
on Mothers Day (and Fathers Day) I give server priority to
the postcards.


Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner

Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.

=======================================

Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi.

He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her.
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says,
"I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours,
or rather listened to her for four hours."

Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?"

The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow
and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's
bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to
watch and come in and tell him when the bull was finished.

"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.

After a while the boy came into the living where his father was
talking with some friends. "Say, Pop," said the boy. "Yes,"
replied his father.

"The bull just mounted the brown cow."

There was a sudden lull in the conversation. The father said
"Excuse me" and took his son outside. "Son, you mustn't use
language like that in front of company. You should say 'The
bull surprised the brown cow'. Now go and watch and tell me
when the bull surprises the white cow."

The father went back inside the house. After a while the boy
came in and said, "Hey, Daddy."

"Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?"

"He sure did, Pop! He mounted the brown cow again!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Judge Jose Felipe Ledur in Brazil Judge obviously does not understand the situation May 5, 2007 - Brazil - BBC News A Brazilian brewery has been ordered to pay $49,000 to an alcoholic beer taster who claims the company failed to prevent his condition. The man, who has not been named, said the company, Ambev, did not provide him with adequate health care to stop him from developing alcoholism. He said that for more than a decade he drank around one and a half litres of beer each day. But Ambev says that the employee was an alcoholic before he took the job. The employee says he drank between 16 and 25 small glasses of beer during each eight hour shift at the company, and was also given a bottle of beer at the end of each shift. An initial ruling favoured Ambev, which claimed the man was already an alcoholic. But Judge Jose Felipe Ledur said the company was still negligent because an alcoholic should have never been employed as a beer taster. He added that the man's alcohol dependency had worsened in recent years, and that he felt like drinking the same amount on holiday as he drank at work. -------------------------- 1.5 liters of beer per day don't make a college student or NASCAR fan an alcoholic. However, a professional beer taster has to have a pre-existing immunity. He has to be able to be sober enough at the end of the shift, so that he can still tell the slightest change in taste. Most beer tasters drink less on work days than on days off. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture! Somebody is going to get yelled at! =========================================== A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Grandma Buttercup Re: Special Quarters Hi Webby I found the article on the quarter interesting. As a coin collector, I was wondering how one may go about obtaining a few of these coins. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank-you Grandma Buttercup Dear Grandma Buttercup They didn't really flood the market with them because they figured if they were scarce they would be noticed more. I had some of the Support The Troops quarters with the poppy, but have given them away to friends who have sons fighting in Afghanistan. The Breast Cancer quarter that I showed you in yesterday's Humor Letter is well used, as you saw, and definitely not collector's grade. To get it "Brilliant, Uncirculated", in a sealed pouch, you'll have to go to a reputable coin wholesaler like http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... kribbon25c That run is finished and there won't be any more new ones. For the poppy (Support the troops) quarter there is the red poppy http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... poppy25cbu and the gold poppy on pure silver for the serious collectors: http://www.colonialacres.com/cgi-bin/di ... 005_annual That was a very limited edition of only 15,000 world wide. It is already trading at over US$25, and expected to go up steeply. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP Don't try to dupe Kent Parker just because he's blind and operates a deli in the Hamilton County Courthouse. Every once in a while, somebody tries to cheat him despite the security cameras trained on the cash register and about a dozen sheriff's deputies a few steps away. In the past two weeks, two women offered bills smaller than they claimed and were arrested within minutes. ''I have a lot of friends who watch out for me,'' said Parker, 43, who has been operating the Courthouse Deli for eight years. Sometimes Parker can tell if a customer is acting suspiciously. ''They test me, hand me money, seeing if I know what it is,'' he said. ''I don't see at all, but there are tricks to the trade.'' One is to simply lay the bill on the counter and ask one of his three employees to verify it. But not until the customer turns away. ''I don't want to insult anybody by making them think I'm doubting them,'' Parker said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweetening Whipped Cream Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered) sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be fluffier. By Nancy Keep in mind that Confectioner's Sugar or Icing Sugar usually contains starch. To get the same level of sweetness as with regular sugar, you have to add about 25% more by weight. If somebody is on a strict, starch-free diet, don't use icing sugar. For best results I start with 35 - 38% real whipping cream, beat it at high speed until it just starts to show peaks and valleys, then I stop the beater and add regular sugar, pulse the beater to mix in the sugar and then let it sit for about a minute. After that I beat it again at high speed until I see firm, stiff peaks that have no gloss and look just a bit coarse. That makes stiff gourmet whipped cream that can be applied to the side of a cake and won't sag or run. It will be just as firm as that semi-edible wall spackling compound sold in little tubs, but tastes much better. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to mother." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Tapioka http://snipurl.com/1khga
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 309 )
Dear Webby: Polite Language 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 13, 2007

Happy Mothers Day!

======================================

Two words never heard
In polite conversation
"Microsoft Vista"
--- Dave, ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner

Please let's keep this polite. If you have an urge to talk
dirty, please contact the vendor who conned you into
buying a Vista machine.

=======================================

Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this Mother's Day Classic:

"25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER"
 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into
the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're
not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you
are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
in a cave?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and they will turn out just like YOU" !!!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the
teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave
$50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would
you have?"
"Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny  answered,
"Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to City Hall in Palermo, Sicily Chicago style electioneering May 4, 2007 - Sicily, Italy - AFP Palermo's city hall has hired 110 new bus drivers -- none of whom have a license to drive a bus, sources said Friday. The hirings have come ahead of May 13 and 14 local elections in the Sicilian city. Election season in Sicily often brings revelations of questionable municipal hirings, a practice denounced by critics as a vote-winning tactic. Italian paper Corriere della Sera reported the bus driver hirings on Friday and source close to the public transport president confirmed them. "For the moment, we can't do anything with them," the source said. "As long as they have not earned their permits, they are paid but must wait to be assigned." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sue for sending this picture of her Mellow Yellow roses! =========================================== had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lollytoo Re: Unavailable At 09:29 AM 5/12/2007, Lollytoo@***.com wrote: Hello, I am unavailable to read your message at this time. Dear Lollytoo You don't really have to tell me each time when you are busy playing with yourself. DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Twin Falls, Idaho - AP Glenn Goodlove said he was likely smooching with a girl in the expansive back seat of a 1946 Hudson when his wallet slipped from his pants pocket more than five decades ago. The year was 1952. Goodlove was a sailor home on leave from the U.S. Navy. The Hudson belonged to his grandfather, who lived in Western Washington. He'd long since forgotten about the lost leather billfold, until last month when he got a phone call from a pair of southern Idaho car collectors, Jon Beck, 61, and Chuck Merrill, 72, both from Twin Falls, told him they'd found the wallet. Inside were a $10 bill, a $1silver certificate, military identification, Social Security card and a handwritten Washington state driver's license. ''If it was in my sailor-mentality years, I might have attempted to, as they said in those years, 'make out,''' Goodlove, who now lives in California, told the Twin Falls Times-News, on why the wallet went missing. After an Internet search, Beck found Goodlove, now 75, at his home in San Diego.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Tupperware Unstained In order to keep your Tupperware looking new, try this. Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces. There won't be any stains, it should all just wash out.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office... =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two.... ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Soap Sculptures http://tinyurl.com/2ddk39
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 161 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 521 )
Dear Webby: Tech Haiku 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 19, 2007
======================================

The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but
the habits he has acquired during the first half.
--- Fyodor Dostoevsky

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to
fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an
artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
--- Jay Leno

=======================================

From Shirley:

Sensational warnings spawned south of the border
WASHINGTON (AP) - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a
bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage
warning from the U.S. Defense Department about mysterious
coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press
has learned.

The harmless ''poppy quarter'' was so unfamiliar to suspicious
U.S. army contractors travelling in Canada that they filed
confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried
contractors described the coins as ''filled with something
man-made that looked like nano-technology,'' according to
once-classified U.S. government reports and e-mails
obtained by the AP.

The silver-coloured 25-cent piece features the red image of a
poppy, Canada's flower of remembrance and support for the
troops, inlaid over a maple leaf..

..........
Shirley


Dear Shirley
We don't just have Support The Troops quarters with the red
poppy, we also have Breast Cancer Quarters with the pink
ribbon. This one is a bit worn, but the only one I had in my
wallet today.


Ask your friends to click on the pretty link to the Breast
Cancer Site in the left side menu! Give them a free gift
subscription to the Humor Letter to make sure they click.

On May 10, 2007, you and others who clicked on the breast
cancer site button funded 12.1 mammograms for women who
could not afford one. That is awesome !

Have FUN!
DearWebby

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to
his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects
of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment
form  which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes,
but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to York Heiden, 36, of Stevens Point, Wisconsin Too dumb to own a car May 5, 2007 - Stevens Point, Wisconsin AP A Stevens Point man thought he was lucky to recover his car after it was stolen - until it was stolen again later that day. York Heiden's pearl-colored 1990 Audi Quattro was stolen from a grocery store parking lot April 27 while his wife was running errands. The keys had been left in it. Heiden, 36, who owns a automotive repair shop, quickly called some friends and the car was found nearby, without keys. He said he had a friend disable the car's ignition by removing a coil wire while he left it to pick up a spare key. When he returned, the car was gone. He had forgotten, he said, that that model Audi had a two-coil system and could be driven with just one. He also forgot that the car thief still had the original set of keys, and that ONE fuse taken out, would have disabled the entire ignition system. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joann for sending this picture of her Miltonia Orchid =========================================== Once you reach mid-level management, promotions are hard to come by at the state highway dept. I congratulated one woman on her recent upgrade and asked if she would mind telling me how she pulled it off. She smiled and said, "Well, sure. But I doubt very much if it'll do you any good." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Laptop for College Dear Webby Thanks for the good work - keep us smiling :) Is there any way to search the archives of your newsletters? I remember a comment not too long ago about the Vista. I want to look up what was said as I am in the market for a new laptop. As a graduation gift I want to get my son a laptop to take to college with him and am looking at getting a Dell. Any suggestions on which model series to look at? Besides using the computer for internet research and writing papers, the main thing my son loves to do is use the computer/cd drive to play his music. Thanks, Linda Dear Linda ----------------------------------- Last month's ThinkGeek Techie Haiku Winner is: Dave, from Mont Vernon, New Hampshire! Here is the winning Haiku: two words never heard in polite conversation Microsoft Vista ---------------------------------- The writers at "Think Geek" are not paid shills like the writers at computer magazines, that have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of Vista ads every month. The "Think Geek" people are the techies and programmers, who are free to say what they feel. None of them will lower their standards and use Vista. Do you know what that means? It means there is no grass roots support of friendly neighborhood geeks and techies who can help you out with Vista. If you got conned into Vista, then YOU got a problem. They don't. DELL does have XP laptops again, and so do most other brands too. For college and anything work related, the cheapest laptop will be more than good enough, especially if it has XP and you upgrade the RAM to 1 GB. If game playing is a priority, then a more expensive model would make a difference. Games are much more demanding than work or research. However, even there, the biggest consideration seems to be the bragging about specs on the school bus, not actual performance. Don't waste money on fancy speakers. He probably already has a boom box with an AUX input to plug in stuff like a line from a record player or whatever. If he doesn't, they are cheap at pawn shops and second hand stores. A boom box has a great amplifier and puts out much better sound than any of those overpriced computer squeakers. He can plug in a cable from the laptop to the boombox and use it instead of squeakers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2007 - Cary, North Carolina - The News & Observer Thanks to new behavioral therapy at a Duke University Medical Center clinic, 9-year-old Rick Shocket is doing what seemed impossible for him a year ago: gain control over Tourette's syndrome, a brain disorder that causes repetitive movements and sounds. The illness made it difficult for him to cross a room. A myriad of tics he's battled include sniffs, coughs, yips, fidgets and twitches. Rick felt compelled to do a deep knee bend with nearly every step, leaving him exhausted by the end of the day. Since starting behavioral therapy at Duke last year, he can recognize the warning signs that precede the tics, then resist the urge to perform them. The therapy also has enabled him to stop many of the prescription medications he took. The therapy goes against years of thought on Tourette's Syndrome, which has held that the tics are involuntary and that it's best for those with the illness to simply ignore them. The habit-reversal training offered at Duke teaches the exact opposite, instructing patients to stay hyper-aware of tics so they can anticipate and suppress them. ''He hasn't squatted since September,'' said Clare Shocket, who says she would have tried behavioral therapy before drugs if she had known it was an option. ''I've tried to figure out why more people don't rush out and do this.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pressing Rice Krispy Treats Love Rice Krispy Treats but hate the mess? Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers. Butter or oil rubbed on your fingers can also be used.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece: (don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art) CARSTIANITY "Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo." Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton. I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler. He is the Alfa and the Romeo. He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras. He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged. Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee. If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos. He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta." He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross. But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza. Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk. He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals. Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle. Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder." Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo! GM =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid," said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Ted http://www.ted.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 8 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 965 )
Humor: No Injuries 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 11, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing.
--- Michael Pritchard

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the
only animal that is struck with the difference between what
things are and what they ought to be.
--- William Hazlitt

=======================================

Dear Webby,

Thanks for the humor newsletter.
I have an addition for today's "Advice to aspiring newsletter writers."

Eschew obfuscation.
*****************
Richard

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two dogs were walking down the street.  The one dog says to
the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks
across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a
minute, then walks back across the street.

The other dog says, "What was that about?"

The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Logan, 41 of Hillsboro, oregon Caught! May 2, 2007 - Hillsboro, Oregon - AP A Hillsboro mother found her daughter's missing winter coat on eBay, and now a teacher at the girl's elementary school faces charges of theft and computer crimes. Elizabeth Logan, 41,is on PAID administrative leave from Jackson Elementary. She denies stealing the coat, saying she got it from a lost-and-found. The mother searched the school's lost and found for the coat, then decided to turn to eBay for a replacement. After finding a seemingly identical coat, she noticed that the seller was from Hillsboro. The mother alerted another bidder that the coat might be stolen, and the other bidder relayed the information to Logan, the seller. Skinner said Logan asked the other bidder to outbid the girl's mother. Logan's salary is nearly $69,000 a year, and she has taught 20 years at two elementary schools. She is to appear in court Friday. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her canna =========================================== Thanks to Dora for this story: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40+, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into flames. There were no injuries. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Good Morning, DearWebby This is in reply to Don and removing the Firewall Disable notify from his Spybot. I had the same problem all the time and finally I right clicked on it when it appeared in the remove panel and then clicked on DO NOT CHECK FOR THIS and it stopped coming up all the time. Have a super day and thanks again for the great humour letter Darlene Dear Darlene yes, that certainly works, and with that particular item is quite safe to use. You can also tell it not to worry about navigational cookies for your bank, telephone company Amazon, and other legitimate places. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 7, 2007 - Attalla, Alabama - AP Shoppers entering the Wal-Mart Supercenter in Attalla got a reminder not to try anything funny: Two shoplifters stood outside with signs reading "I am a thief, I stole from Wal-Mart." Attalla City Judge Kenneth Robertson Jr. ordered the two people to wear the signs for four hours each during two successive Saturdays. "The only comments we've heard so far have been positive," said store manager Neil Hawkins. "Most of them thought it was a good thing." One of the shoplifters, Lisa King Fithian, 46, wore the sign from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Another convicted shoplifter was at the store from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Hawkins noted how embarrassing it would be for the public to see someone who got caught shoplifting. "Maybe they'll think twice about doing it," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Potato Storage To keep potatoes from budding, place a small apple in the bag with the potatoes. You should also store them in a dark, cool location and keep them away from onions, to avoid moldy potatoes and onions.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks, Webby. As usual, you were more helpful than Microsoft. I am almost tempted to go out and buy a Mac. Carol Hi Webby And I can thoroughly understand that removing Outlook Express is better than just setting the default to a better email program. It is a constant pain to clean all these machines just because of the attachments, so many people are too dumb to not open. Always great to see the Humor letter come in. Have a truly wonderful day. Jerome ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Solar System http://tinyurl.com/2l2gn4
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 157 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 428 )
Dear Webby: Firewall Disable Notify 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 10, 2007
======================================

“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war
demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as
you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”
--- Mother Teresa

You can't really fight for peace, but we intend to make sure
that from now on the inevitable hostilities take place on
their turf, and not on ours.
--- G.W. Bush

=======================================

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I
couldn't see where the ball went."
"But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife,
"Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,"
protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,"
Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung,
and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"Where is what ?", Scott answered.
"My ball! My golf ball!"
"Oh, I don't know. I was watching that cute lady over there.
Her ball went into the water."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections
manager left a voice-mail for them saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect
phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo of Ballstonspa, New York Bats in the attic May 3, 2007 - Ballstonspa, New York - AP An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the attic were much of a problem when they were buying a house last summer. Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they discovered more than a ton and a half of bat droppings up there. Nick LaBoda and Jenna Caputo say a home inspector informed them about the bats. They called an exterminator, who told them to wait a while before removing the bats because the babies were too young to fly. Then they forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul odor in January. When they checked the attic, they found dead bats and piles of guano. An exterminator says hundreds of bats had been living in the attic, leaving behind 3,500 pounds of droppings. It cost $25,000 to clean up the mess, and the couple's insurance company wouldn't cover it. ------------------ Why should the insurance company cover a pre-existing condition? That's just as hilarious as an "exterminator" who is concerned about pests, which he is paid to exterminate, not being able to fly away. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her neighborhood shrouded in forest fire smoke. =========================================== Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him what three things he worried him most. He answered: "Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Camillo Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Bonjour support@webby.com, Could you tell me if I should remove the following: "SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify" I use Search & Destroy and the program asks me to remove that item.... Thank you for your help. Don Camillo Dear Don Don't worry about that. It's just a Windows bug about Windows getting into a snit when you use a better fire wall than the Windows fire wall. Just ignore that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Re yesterday's Kudo From Donovan: Dear Webby For what it's worth, the service in Illinois is great but it's not unique. We have a similar one in Medicine Hat. The only difference is that they send two people instead of a tow truck. One drives you home in your car and the other one follows and picks up the driver. Donovan Deeli's Kudos May 6, 2007 - New York, New York - AP Alexander Loucopoulos wasn't afraid he would drop the ring when he proposed to his girlfriend, but he did have another fear. "I was afraid the ring would float really far away," said Loucopoulos, 32, of New York City. When he proposed Saturday to Graciela Asturias, a 27-year-old space enthusiast, they were on a 90-minute zero-gravity flight aboard a Boeing 727. "I asked if she'd marry me, and then the ring just floated in front of her as we floated in zero gravity," he said. She said yes. "I was so surprised," said Asturias. "I'm in total shock." The trip cost $3,500 each and was organized by Space Adventures of Virginia, which also arranged for Charles Simonyi's $20-million flight to space in April. Loucopoulos works as a banker in private equity and Asturias is an architect. "I would like our 10-year anniversary to be in orbit," Loucopoulos said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Nice Round Pancakes Tired of misshapen pancakes? Use a meat baster (like a turkey baster) to squeeze pancake batter onto the hot griddle. You will get nice round pancakes. This can also allow you to make shapes, like bunny ears.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head sadly, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Advice to aspiring newsletter writers: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalise. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And the last one... 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Indy 500 http://www.indy500.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 239 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 322 )
Dear Webby: Remove OE 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 9, 2007
======================================

"You can never tell what type of impact you may make on
another’s life by your actions or lack of action. Sometimes
just with a smile on the street to a passing stranger can
make a difference we could never imagine."
— Ed Foreman

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope
that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could
say, "I used everything you gave me."
--- Erma Bombeck

=======================================

A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer
to have intimate relations with their wives. It was found
that most men preferred to engage in these matrimonial
activities on the days that started with "T."
 Examples of those days are:
 Tuesday
 Thursday
 Thanksgiving
 Today
 Tomorrow
 Thaturday and Thunday!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his
favorite hat.

Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to
church and steal one out of the vestibule.

When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door
and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to
the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments."

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule
doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him "I want
to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to
church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on
the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."

Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal'
changed your mind?"

Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you
said that I remember where I left my hat!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Re yesterday's Bonehead Award: Apparently the missing pants had been found the next day, two years ago, but judge Roy Pearson still wants to go ahead with the $67 million lawsuit. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eugenio Anthony Colon from Chehalis, Washington Dumb place for a stash! May 3, 2007 - Chehalis, Washington - AP A 35-year-old Onalaska man picked the wrong place and the wrong time to hide a container with marijuana in it. Lewis County sheriff's detectives in Chehalis say they arrested Eugenio Anthony Colon today at 11:25 a.m. after he was seen by detectives hiding the container under a bush in front of their office window. Colon was charged with possession of marijuana under 40 grams. He was arriving at the Lewis County Courthouse for a court matter. Much to his surprise, he was confronted by detectives in the courtroom while he was waiting his court appearance. Colon admitted to hiding the marijuana and told detectives he had no idea he could be seen by them. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for sending this picture by her shy friend in Florence, Oregon: Columbine =========================================== A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE. That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word Tampax for THUMBTACKS. In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER? ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Getting rid of OE Dear Webby "Control Panel/Add/Remove" - and there in lies my problem. There is no Outlook Depress listed - yet, when I go to a website, say Sears, and try to contact them, the email automatically starts in the blasted OD program. Then I have to copy Sears address and paste in the email program I do use. Having fun, until OD pops up, Patti Dear Patti I can't look it up on my machine, because here getting rid of OD is a to be checkmarked part of the set-up routine. All machines here are clean. Have a look at C:\Program Files I have an empty Outlook Express folder there. Most likely I dumped the contents on Setup Day. Microsoft requires all programs written by anybody else to jump through a certain number of hoops before they are allowed to put the Windows flag on the box and claim that they are Windows compatible. One of those hoops is a clean un-install via "Control Panel/Add/Remove". In typical Microsoft fashion, that hoop does not apply for some of their own stuff. However, I found a secret back door for dumping OE: To remove Outlook Express 6.0 from Windows XP: a. Click Start, click Run, type appwiz.cpl, and then click OK. b. In Add or Remove Programs, click Add/Remove Windows Components. c. In the Components list, click to clear the Outlook Express check box, and then click Next. Outlook Express will be removed from the computer. Hope that will work! If it doesn't, clean out the OE folder in C:\Program Files What are you using for your mail program? Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 6, 2007 - Naperville, Illinois - AP This new taxi service doesn't come cheap, but it may be a bargain compared with the price of a drunk-driving arrest. Smith Cos. plans to launch a towing taxi service this week in Naperville, a suburb of Chicago. It will allow intoxicated drinkers to call for a ride home in a tow truck that will also haul their cars. For an unscheduled pickup, the fee will be $85, plus $2 per mile, or 1.6 kilometres. If someone has a hunch that they are going to over-indulge, reservations are available for $65, plus the towing fee. Smith vice-president Frank Sheppard says he believes the service is unique. "There are a lot of businessmen and women, and we feel it's the best place, suburb-wise, to do this," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda and Dawn For Clothing Stains A great way to remove clothing stains is to mix baking soda and dish soap (Dawn) into a paste. Brush it into the stain and let sit, depending on the severity of stain. Leave the paste in and wash clothes as usual, works great. By Shirley
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are quite enough =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Old Pictures http://www.old-picture.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 190 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 660 )
Dear Webby: Links in mail 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 8, 2007
======================================

"Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that
damage morale, and undermine the military, are saboteurs
and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."
--- President Abraham Lincoln

Why not all three? Iraq has good gallows technology
and plenty of gallows.

=======================================

One ugly frog

An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she
needed a pet to keep sorry."
So off to the pet shop she went.

Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her
interest, except this
one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he
looked up and
winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you
won't be sorry."

The old lady figured, what the heck, as she hadn't found
anything else.
So, she bought the frog and went to her car.

Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me,
you won't be sorry."
So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed
the frog.
Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous,
sexy, handsome, young prince.

Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old
lady turned into?

Come on, guess...




The first motel she could find

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with
the masterpieces at the Louvre.

"We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States
too," he declared.

"I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred
pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand
of them."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Judge Roy Pearson, Washington, DC Nuttiest Judge in history May 2, 2007 - Washington D.C. - ABC News Is somebody getting taken to the cleaners? A $10 dry cleaning bill for a pair of trousers has ballooned into a $67 million civil lawsuit. Plaintiff Roy Pearson, a judge in Washington, D.C., says in court papers that he's been through the wringer over a lost pair of prized pants he wanted to wear on his first day on the bench. He says in court papers that he has endured "mental suffering, inconvenience and discomfort." He says he was unable to wear that favorite suit on his first day of work. He's suing for 10 years of weekend car rentals so he can transport his dry cleaning to another store. Pearson did not return numerous calls from ABC News for comment. "People in America are now scared of each other," legal expert Philip Howard told ABC News' Law & Justice Unit. "That's why teachers won't put an arm around a crying child, and doctors order unnecessary tests, and ministers won't meet with parishioners. It's a distrust of justice and it's changing our culture." The civil trial, set for June, has the scope of a John Grisham courtroom thriller and the societal importance of a traffic ticket. Pearson plans to call 63 witnesses. Defending themselves against the suit -- for two years running -- are Korean immigrants Jin and Soo Chung and their son, who own Custom Cleaners and two other dry cleaning shops in the Fort Lincoln section of Washington, D.C. For $67 million Pearson could buy 84,115 new pairs of pants at the $800 value he placed on the missing trousers in court documents, or about 3.35 Million of the $20 pants usually worn under justice's robes. Seems to me that it was rather irresponsible to appoint Pearson to the bench instead of to the funny farm. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this picture from today's bonus link site. Caution, there are 119 pages on that link! =========================================== It was mealtime during a flight on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== I was browsing in a souvenir shop when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead. "Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Mailing links Dear Webby Can you tell how to send links that I receive without having to retype the address? If I forward the link it doesn't work and if I copy and paste the link still doesn't work. I have tried to save it but that won't work either? Help.....Ann Dear Ann I have no idea what mail program you use. In Eudora I simply type the URL, like for example: http://posty.net/spindrifter/ and it automatically turns into a link. I can also type a site title like Anns pages and then click on the link icon and put the URL into the little input field that pops up. Then it looks like this Ann's Pages The link icon looks like a chain with 3 chain links. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 4, 2007 - Madaba, Jordon - AP A cat in Madaba, Jordan has taken her maternal instincts to another level. The cat has allowed a group of newborn chicks to live with her and her four kittens in a cardboard box. It appears the cat has even begun to treat the chicks as her own offspring, carefully carrying them in her jaws when they stray too far from the 'nest'. Madaba is around 19 miles south of Amman, Jordan.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ice Cream Cone Tip To prevent ice cream from dripping through the bottom of a classic triangular cone, put a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a waffle or sugar cone. This acts as a stopper and is a delicious bonus. A raisin works too.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Erik for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all cool- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!" ======================================== I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 217 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 1348 )
Dear Webby: XP SP2.5 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 7, 2007
======================================

Other people's opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.
--- Les Brown

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that
man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw

=======================================

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual  intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Moreno, 31, Los Angeles, California Bad habit May 1, 2007 - Los Angeles, California - AP Whenever Antonio Moreno wanted to see his girlfriend, police say, he'd jump in a car and drive right over. But there was a problem. The 26 cars Moreno jumped into all belonged to someone else, according to authorities who arrested the 31-year-old near his Inglewood home on Wednesday. They said he was behind the wheel of a 1987 Toyota Camry when they found him. Since January, police said, Moreno had been stealing Toyota Camrys and Nissan Sentras by using a simple device that starts Japanese cars of a certain age. Acting on a tip, members of a regional auto-theft task force took him into custody. Some cars were stolen in Inglewood and abandoned in Santa Barbara, police said, while others were taken from Santa Barbara. He was "stealing vehicles as transportation to pursue their relationship," according to a statement from Lt. Paul McCaffrey, a Santa Barbara Police Department spokesman. He didn't have a driver's license or car of his own, police said. Moreno was jailed in Los Angeles for investigation of auto theft and was to be transferred to Santa Barbara to face charges, police said. It wasn't immediately clear whether Moreno had an attorney. His girlfriend, who was not arrested, told authorities she had been trying to dump him. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Cheryl for this picture: =========================================== It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Vista SP2 Dear Webby When will Microsoft come out with an SP1 bug fix for Vista? Is it worth putting up with the problems in the meantime? David Dear David There might not be an SP1 for Vista. I am sur that Microsoft is aware of the total lack of enthusiasm for Vista. Instead of Vista SP1 they came out with a Vista Dual Boot, that allows you to boot into XP for work and to get around Vista problems. "Need to scan something? Just reboot into XP!" Yeah, right. I get the hint. Just reboot into XP and stay there until Tamara comes along. In the meantime independent programmers are releasing tiny and efficient utilities for XP that do all the cutesy stuff that Vista claims they set it apart from XP. Some, like Launchy, are actually quite useful and seem to go some way beyond what Vista has. You can download it free from http://www.launchy.net/ I would not be in the least bit surprised if some programmers released an XP SP2.5 utilities package that adds all the cutesy stuff from Vista to XP, but without the Vista problems. And I would be very surprised if Vista SP1 comes out before XP SP2.5 Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 4, 2007 - Redmond, Washington - Happy News Author, teacher, speaker—sounds like a well-accomplished older adult. Guess again. Those are just some of the titles that describe 9-year older Adora Svitak. Despite her age, Adora has done and seen more than most people, regardless of their years. She travels around the world to other schools to inspire and encourage other students to become better readers and writers. At an age where most children are having sleepovers with friends and watching television, Adora is focusing on promoting worldwide literacy, among other things. "I believe it's never to early to learn," said Adora, who has made many presentations in different regions, including New York, Florida and London. "I like to inspire my audience to read and write."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sorting Dirty Clothing Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper, one side for whites and one for darks. When your family puts clothes in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also go on the white side. This has worked very well in my household for several years. By Hazel
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mayo Clinic First Aid Guide http://snipurl.com/19c9n
I will give this link a permanent spot in the side menu. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 126 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 435 )
Dear Webby: Autoresponder in Eudora 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 6, 2007
======================================

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.
--- Rita Rudner

Might we not say to the confused voices which sometimes
arise from the depths of our being:  "Ladies, be so kind as
to speak only four at a time?"
--- Madame Swetchine

=======================================

Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street,
when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi.

The street was too narrow for the two to pass.

The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily:
. . . "I never make way for fools "

Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . .
"I always do."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack
of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts
smoking it.

The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't
smoke in here."

The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb
that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"

And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also
sell condoms here."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cho Pui-kee, 77 and a Darwin Award goes to Chan Nui-oi, 73, both of Hongkong, China Deadly games April 24, 2007 - Hong Kong - South China Morning Post An elderly Hong Kong man was jailed today after he was found guilty of killing his wife of 48 years in a row over whose turn it was to use the toilet. In June last year, Cho Pui-kee, 77, allegedly strangled his wife, 73-year-old Chan Nui-oi after she would not let him use the toilet. Her body was found rolled up in a quilt after two of the couple's six children became concerned and called the couple at their flat. Yesterday Cho was cleared of murder but found guilty of manslaughter and jailed for five years. The court was told Cho became increasingly frustrated at his wife's habit of using the bathroom to wash clothes when he wanted to use the toilet in their high-rise Hong Kong apartment. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Bok Choy Toys =========================================== Why can't Italians skateboard? They get wop sided: When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Autoresponders Webby, I've attempted to search Eudora's email help section to no avail. Question: Is there a way to place an absence or out of office message on Eudora? I would like friends to know I'm gone and not sick or dead. Keep up your dedicated work of keeping the world smiling and a little more knowledgeable about computers. It is a never ending job. Thank you Frank Dear Frank I just made another filter to filter all mail from another auto-nuisance into the trash, unread. You do NOT need to spend 24 hours sitting at the computer and instantly answer every mail, and nobody expects that. People know that you have to do shopping, laundry, chase women, even if it is only downhill, go on vacation, or whatever. I don't know ANYBODY who likes getting some stupid Autoresponder, except maybe a few WebTVers, who never know if their mail went out or not. It's even worse with subscriptions. If your silly Autoresponder whines back at the program that send your subscription, you get unsubscribed just like your mail had bounced back from an abandoned address. The only Autoresponders that are not considered a nuisance are those that have real information, like weather or road reports. All other Autoresponders are bad news and will just get people annoyed at you. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 23, 2007 - Lima, Peru - AP Peru's ''miracle baby'' walked around her nursery yard Friday, ducking in and out of a plastic playhouse seven months after undergoing an operation to fully separate her fused legs. Milagros Cerron, whose first name means ''miracles'' in Spanish, was born with a rare congenital defect known as sirenomelia, or ''mermaid syndrome,'' which left her legs connected from her heels to her groin. Dr. Luis Rubio, head of the medical team that separated Milagros' legs, invited reporters to see her progress on Friday. He said doctors have successfully reconstructed the child's hips, knees and ankles and that she is ''doing well physically.'' Milagros, who turns 3 years old next week, now takes ballet classes and runs around the playground with her classmates. Rubio has said Tiffany Yorks, a 17-year-old American, is the only other person known to have undergone successful surgery to correct the rare congenital defect, which occurs in one out of every 70,000 births and is almost always fatal within days of birth. Milagros' family comes from a poor village in the Andes mountains but Lima's municipal government has agreed to pay for her medical care.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Bugs Off A Car Sprinkle baking soda on a moist sponge and use it to scrub bugs or tree sap off your car. It's easy, inexpensive, and it won't scratch the finish! This is also easy on the environment. By Dyann
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Yoshino Cherry Trees, Macon Georgia http://tinyurl.com/2wmv7u
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 280 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 331 )
Dear Webby: Restore Pop-Up Blocker 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 5, 2007
======================================

As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that
Paris Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton's mother, Kathy,
laughed. When the judge ruled and sentenced paris Hilton
to ordinary jail time, no soft $87 a day VIP jail, but regular
county jail like any common crook, Kathy Hilton then blurted
out: "May I have your autograph?"

I bet that made THAT judges day!

=======================================

Two country doctors out in the hills of West
Virginia were discussing the population
explosion in the world.


One physician says, "Why, Bubba, thiseyer
crazy birth thang isa gettin' so bad that
perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for
ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room
only on this here planet!"

The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure
oughta slow 'em down a bit!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The other day, during a service call, I was in a house that
seemed to have more than it's share of cats and birds.
At one time I counted a total of 30 eyes and 44 feet.

Assuming that all birds had 2 eyes and 2 feet, and all cats
had 2 eyes and 4 feet, how many cats and birds did I count ?

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vassil Ivanov, 37, from Stara Zagora, Bulgaria Not ready for responsibility April 30, 2007 - Stara Zagora, Bulgaria - Ananova An escaped convict turned up at his old prison and asked to be let back in because he was missing his mates. Bulgarian thief Vassil Ivanov, 37, had been on the run since disappearing during an Easter break at home in 2005. He said: "I couldn't stand it any more. I had been inside for nine years and I just couldn't get used to life on the outside again. I missed my pals here and I was miserable being a free man." Wardens at the Stara Zagora prison in Bulgaria immediately took Ivanov back into the prison where he will serve the remaining two years of his 11 year sentence, and is likely to serve extra time for escaping. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Kevin for this picture: My son and his dog checking out the goldfish in the pond… Kevin =========================================== If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style... If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident... If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture... If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation... If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law... If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention... If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion... If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory... If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake...... If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "@#$# SCREWUP!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== John was grocery shopping with Jill, and he tossed a bag of chips into the cart. "You don't need those!" Jill chided. "What about those twenty chocolate bars you have in there?" John asked. "IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!" scremed Jill. "Oh, OK. Are you sure twenty will be enough?" asked John. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tammy Re: Pop Up Blocker Dear Webby Hi there, once again I want to thank you for the humor daily, its a highlight of my lunch hour at work.... now I need to ask a question, I turned off my pop up blocker so I could fill out a online application, now I get pop ups and can't figure out how to turn the blocker back on. Please help, thanks so much, Tammy Dear Tammy Click on TOOLS Intenet Options Privacy and there it is at the bottom. You can bypass the PopUp Blocker by holding down the CTRL key when you click on a link. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 2, 2007 - College Station, Texas - AP Texas A&M University scientists showed off to state and federal officials Tuesday a genetically engineered crop of sorghum they believe will be a more efficient and economical option to corn in drier parts of the country as the nation pushes for alternative energy sources. Sorghum, which as a plant resembles stalks of corn, is a centuries-old grain common around the world but used more in the United States as a lovestock feed. At Texas A&M, researchers have been working over the past several years to extend its growing season, allowing it to double its height to more than 15 feet, thicken its stalk and be even more drought tolerant. The genetic changes make it ideal to raise in the South and Southeast where the growing season already is longer than in northern sections of the country. The climate also makes it more suitable than growing corn, which has emerged as a biofuel alternative used in ethanol production, particularly in the Midwest. The cellulose from one version of the sorghum and sugar from another version similarly can be processed for fuel. Researchers said energy yields could top those from corn and at a more reasonable cost, making it an economic windfall for farmers.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jars for Drinking Glasses After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can. You can sometimes find these at garage sales. By Sandra
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Three ministers a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern Baptist and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter. First in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, "I can't let you in. You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." St. Peter waved sadly, and poof! Down the chute to the 'Other Place' they went. Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in either," said Saint Peter. "You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang! Down the chute went the Methodists. The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to BP for this one: My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat. ========================================
Thanks to Dorothy for this Bonus Link: Naure Screens http://one.revver.com/watch/258250
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby PS. There were 7 cats and 8 birds





[ view entry ] ( 141 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 478 )
Dear Webby: Nappy headed 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 4, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them."
--- Galileo

=======================================

Thanks to Cookie for this report:

"Pointers!"
Jim was having reasonable success playing the stock market
when George expressed a desire to give it a try. Jim advised
him on what stocks to buy, what to stay clear of, etc.
In his list of "pointers" was the fact that George should
invest only small sums. But George threw caution to the
winds and six months later sent an email to
Jim....

"So much for your darn "pointers!
Now send me some "retrievers!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his
hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor
was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble.
If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" Anni questioned.

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man in Clyman, Wisconsin Wrong dancer April 24, 2007 - Clyman, Wisconsin - AP A Wisconsin man used his cell phone to call 911 after paying the wrong woman for a lap dance. According to the Dodge County Sheriff's Department log, the man called the emergency number early Saturday after he gave $20 to a woman at a Clyman, Wis. club. The woman did not work at the club and left with his money. Failing to get a lap dance, the man called the sheriff's department. Officers are trying to locate the woman. ------------------------------------------ The man must have been some big-shot local politician. Anybody else would probably have been fined for abusing the 911 emergency number. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Barry Mason for sending this picture: In case you were wondering.... What a nappy headed hoe looks like =========================================== Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Buzz says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Buzz says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character? He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and sold it to the whites. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Response Challenge Dear Webby What IS a Response Challenge ? Sandie Dear Sandie A Response Challenge is when, after sending a mail to somebody, instead of an answer, you get soime silly auto-responder and are expected to prove tat you are human by punching in some hard to read numbers. It's OK to have that challenge as part of an order form, but definitely not OK with email. Like me, a lot of people filter that kind of crap into the trash, unread, just like any auto-responder. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 2, 2007 - Lewiston, Maine - AP On April 11, 1951, sailor Val Gregoire, 18, was hit over the head while on shore leave in Boston. When he came to, his wallet — and his pants — were gone. Gregoire's widow and five children were familiar with the story, which became part of family legend. But now they have proof. The wallet was discovered by a demolition worker at Boston's Paramount Theatre — 56 years to the day Gregoire lost it. ''I was stunned,'' said Jeannette Gregoire, 75, of Lewiston, who got a call from Kathy Bagen, the worker's wife. ''How could this have survived?'' Richard Bagen of East Weymouth, Mass., was tearing down a wall when the wallet spilled out, his wife said. There was no money in the wallet, but it contained Val's Navy ID, a copy of his Augusta birth certificate and more than a dozen photos. An Armed Forces Liberty Pass was dated ''April 11, 1951,'' the same month and day Richard Bagen made his discovery. ''The date was what freaked me out,'' Kathy Bagen told the Sun Journal of Lewiston. ''Maybe it was meant to be found.'' She managed to track down Jeannette Gregoire and mailed the wallet to her. The wallet contained several pictures of Val, his mom, friends and a laminated photo of Jeannette, then his best girl. The couple eventually married and was six months shy of their 50th wedding anniversary in 2003 when Val died following complications from a kidney transplant. He was a retired firefighter in Lewiston.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Much Work Does It Cost? Before buying a big ticket item or anything that you might not need, calculate how many hours it will take you to earn the money to buy the item. It helps me put the cost of purchases in perspective. By Beth
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There was an old lady named May, Took a stroll in the park by the bay. She met a young man, Who loved her and ran. Now she goes to the park everyday. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by, peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're selling." Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??" One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're selling idiots, friend", To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Alabama Rail Pictures http://www.alabamarailpics.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 153 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.8 / 503 )
Dear Webby: Response Challenge 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 3, 2007
======================================

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.
— John F. Kennedy

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
--- Socratex

=======================================

 Food for thought...

 You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass
 by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
 2. An old friend who once saved your life.
 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

 Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
 could only be one passenger in your car.

 Think before you continue reading.

 This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as
 part of a job application.

 You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
 thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
 because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
 chance to pay him back.

 However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream
 lover again.

 The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no
 trouble  coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually
 use it  sometime for an interview situation.

 WHAT DID HE SAY?

 He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
 and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
 and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There was this city doctor who started a practice
in the countryside.

He once had to go to a farm to attend to a
sick farmer who lived there.

After a few housecalls he stopped coming to
the farm.

The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to
ask whats the matter, didn't he like him
or somethin'.

The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at
the entrance... Every time I enter the
farm, they call me a quack!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an irresponsible cat owner in Chongqing City Dangerous Cat April 30, 2007 - Chongquing City, China - Ananova A Chinese woman knocked out by a cat falling from a block of flats is to sue 200 residents because none will admit responsibility. Tang Meirong, 53, of Chongqing city, was sent to hospital after being hit by the cat, reports Chongqing Business News. "I was walking on the footpath under the building, and suddenly a heavy object hit my head. I remember nothing afterwards," she said. After regaining consciousness, Tang called police but the building manager told officers it would be very difficult to identify the cat owner. Tang says she will sue all 200 residents whose flats face the street if none of them come forward to take responsibility. The cat was killed by the fall, or dead when it was thrown out a window. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Susan for sending this picture: Dear Webby, I thought you might like to see a different kind of animal. I watched this little guy walk across a road near me and start to climb into the tree. We have a holiday house on Raymond Island in the Gippsland Lakes, Victoria, Australia. There is a large population of Koala's living on the island and they are quite friendly and roam around near the housing estate as well as in the bush further out on the island. I still wouldn't try patting them, as much as they look so cute, they have those long claws for climbing and protecting themselves. Susan =========================================== An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. "You folks must've enjoyed the show," the usher said. "Disgusting," said the old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added. "Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks. "We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old lady replied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend. "My priest knows more than your rabbi." "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dietmar Re: Response Challenge Dear Webby Is it true that the Zone Alarm Response Challenge contains a virus that opens a back door? Since I used it to cut down on spam, my business nose dived and even friends won't send email to me any more. What do you recommend? Dietmar Dear Dietmar Not ALL Zone Alarm Response Challenges contain trojans, only the fake ones. Unless you have just sent a letter to somebody with that silly nuisance on their machine, dump it without clicking on anything! I would recommend that you get rid of that as fast as possible. Anybody, who has been infected by any fake response challenge, will automatically assume that yours is fake too. Considering that that particular response challenge frequently malfunctions, that makes it look even more suspicious. People can't tell if yours has a routine malfunction, or if it is a fake one, and so they assume the worst. My MailWasher filters all response challenges into the trash, unread, and blacklist that address. That is the only safe way to deal with that nuisance. As you noticed, I did not waste my time answering by email, since I would never see your response challenge anyway, and you would never get my answer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 30, 2007 - Sydney, Australia - AP A blind British adventurer touched down in Sydney Monday to end an epic 13,500-mile flight by microlight aircraft from London. Miles Hilton-Barber braved snowstorms, freezing temperatures and torrential downpours during his 54-day journey under the supervision of sighted co-pilot Richard Meredith-Hardy. ''It's the fulfillment of an amazing dream,'' Hilton-Barber, 58, told reporters at Sydney's Bankstown airport. ''I've wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid. Now I'm totally blind and I've had the privilege of flying more than halfway around the world.'' Hilton-Barber, who lost his eyesight to a hereditary condition about 20 years ago, is hoping the trip will raise $2 million for the charity Seeing is Believing, which works for the prevention of blindness in developing countries. He took to the skies from Biggin Hill air base in south London on March 7 in a microlight aircraft, which looks like a cross between a tricycle and a motorized hang-glider, with the aid of an audio device that reads out navigational information such as air speed and altitude. Hilton-Barber also has conquered Mount Kilimanjaro and Mont Blanc, run marathons in the Sahara and Gobi deserts, and even attempted to reach the South Pole, hauling a sledge over 250 miles of Antarctic ice.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Cleaner For large cleaning projects, try TSP (TriSodiumPhospahte) TSP used to be the main active ingredient in most detergents, but got a bad name because it promoted underwater weed growth in canals, rivers and lakes, into which improperly treated sewage was dumped into. What was bad was not the TSP, but Millions of people using a lot of it all year long. It was simply too much of a good thing. TSP is still a powerful phospate fertilizer, and your tomatoes will love it, when you dump the used cleaning water near them. You won't find TSP at the supermarket, where all the overpriced and nicely packaged retail cleaners are. You can find it at building and industrial paint suppliers, in the PAINT section. Painters use it, after thinning it down with a lot of water, to clean dirty walls before painting. TSP is dirt cheap. At Canadian Tire for example, a gallon jug of concentrate is CDN $4.95. For cleaning previously painted stuff, use 40 parts of water to one part TSP. For a really greasy stove vent hoods or car engines, use one part water and one part TSP.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men were at the bar talking about marriage. "I'm seriously thinking about tying the knot," said Jim. His buddy, Bob told him, "You may wish to consider contacting a local support group. With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed, called, "Marriage Anonymous." "Oh really?" Jim said, "What do they do?" "Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn house-coat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she nags at him until after breakfast.".Bob replied. "What do they do for women, who want to get married?" Jim asked. "I have been divorced five times, so they send me." Bob replied. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Little Johnny asked the librarian how to use the card catalog. After pouring over the little drawers full of cards he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, and Little Johnny went back to his search. A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite upset. "I just can't find it." he said. "What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. "Tequila Mockingbird." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sound Effects Specialists http://filmsound.org/foley/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 141 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 491 )
Dear Webby: Larger Pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 2, 2007
======================================

"The dictionary is the only place where success comes before
work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. You
can accomplish anything if you're willing to pay the price."
--- Vince Lombardi

=======================================

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and
off they went to a local theme park.What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop,the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big
Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn,
PepsiCola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked,

"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women,
met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy
farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and
had never seen such a thing.

The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which
whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched
out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely,
unpolluted countryside.

After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited
them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle,
after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped
into a building and viewed something she thought was quite
remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he
sauntered in.

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient
tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with
horns. Sometimes we keep' em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other
times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of
acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause
it's a horse."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to future politicians in India Crooks even before they are elected April 29, 2007 - Lucknow, India - AP Six politicians awaiting trial on murder or abduction charges in lawless northern Uttar Pradesh state have been using cellphones to campaign for re-election from prison, police said Sunday. The politicians call their supporters who broadcast the speeches live to rallies from their mobile phones, using a microphone hooked up to a public address system, police spokesman Surendra Srivastava said. "It is not a hush-hush affair. The meetings are well organized and at the stipulated time the leaders address their supporters using mobiles," Srivastava said. Indian law only bans people from serving in public office if they have been convicted of an offence. Among the imprisoned suspects campaigning by phone is independent candidate Mukhtar Ansari, who is accused of murdering a Hindu nationalist legislator, Srivastava said. Others to use the tactic include Sujit Singh for the opposition Bhartiya Samaj Party - also arrested on murder charges - and Amarmani Tripathi, an independent candidate who is suspected of killing his girlfriend. --------------------------------- Can't be that lawless if they are already in jail! ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joan in Arizona for sending this picture from her friend Florence in Oregon =========================================== A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn. The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda Yohansenn. The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dorothy Re: Larger pictures Hi Webby! I wonder if you could send a wallpaper size of the cat pic and the one from the other day of the Rainbow across what looks like a wet street? I would appreciate it if you could. Thank you so much. Dorothy Dear Dorothy Those pictures had been sent to me in that size. I can shrink them, but not make them larger without making them coarse and ugly. It's only with my own pictures, and those of my dad and very few other people, who send them in large size, that I can make custom sizes for different monitor resolutions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 28, 2007 - Wolfeboro, New Hampshire - AP A shoplifter would have to run pretty far to get away from this 70-year-old clerk. Judy Brenner sprinted about 100 feet to catch a teen she thought stole liquor Thursday from the store where she works in Wolfeboro. Brenner, who ran the Boston Marathon this month, discovered the teen had a half-gallon of whiskey under his jacket. She and others who joined the chase helped detain him until police arrived. "He didn't run, but he walked faster, so I picked up my pace," Brenner said. "I wasn't going to let him go." Brenner, of Brookfield, said she ran 14 marathons decades ago and finished the Boston Marathon this month in just over five hours, placing sixth among the women in her age bracket. The suspect was charged with theft and unlawful possession of alcohol by a minor.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Pie Filling Buy apples in quantity when they are on sale. Cut them up and mix with your favorite apple pie recipe. Freeze them in ziplock bags in pie size portions. When you want a pie just dump the bag into a pie shell and bake!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Sorry, this one was messed up yesterday! A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and the laundry and stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Graph Paper http://www.incompetech.com/graphpaper/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 119 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 515 )
Dear Webby: No Attachments 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 1, 2007
======================================

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy
of things that matter least.
--- Goethe

=======================================

Thanks to Unc Wes for this report:

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.

A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOY MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes (Whether she tell you about them or not)



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Kati for these Bob Hope's classics

Bob Hope May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80  "That's the time of your life when even your
birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90  "You know you're getting old when the
candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100  " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel
anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING  "I ruined my hands
in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR  "Welcome to the Academy Awards
or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to
pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS   " I have performed for 12 presidents and
entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,
'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY  "Four of us slept in the one bed.
When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS   "That's how I learned to dance.
Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES " I would not have had anything to eat
if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN  "I've done benefits for ALL religions.
I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dorset County Council's Trading Standards Idiot Burocracy gone insane April 30, 2007 - Weymouth, Dorset, UK - The Sun A baker has been forced to rename her novelty Pig Tarts - because they don't contain pork. Val Temple has also been told her popular Paradise Slice has to be reclassified as it does not come from paradise. And her Robin Tarts have been given the thumbs down by Trading Standards officers as they don't contain robins, reports The Sun. Val, 60, a baker for 30 years, must now rename them all "novelty cakes" in case customers are "confused". She said: "It's a joke and an insult to the public. Of course my cakes don't contain pig, robin or come from paradise. But what's next - Shepherd's Pie?" Val makes Paradise Slice from a 120-year-old recipe using almonds, sultanas and cherries at her Sgt Bun bakery in Weymouth, Dorset. She added: "I've been selling all these cakes for 16 years. "My customers love them. This ruling is very sad, but not entirely surprising in today's society." Dorset County Council's Trading Standards said: "Food must be properly described so consumers can tell what it is." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness." Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The young secretary was describing her evening's exploits to a friend. "After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly, "Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve did you?" asked the friend. "Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let HIS mother worry......" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Attachments Dear Webby Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments? Do you have a virus or spyware? Carole Dear Carole No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer, but from a SUN server running UNIX. Windows viruses and spyware don't work on UNIX any more than a bicycle works on the ocean. If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected, or else you got your mail program misconfigured so that it shows mail with embedded pictures as if they were attachments. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 30, 2007 - Grieskirchen, Austria - Ananova An Austrian computer store owner caught two teenage thieves after he put CCTV footage on You Tube. Thomas Karer, 45, installed the video surveillance gear after a spate of thefts at his store in Grieskirchen, Austria. It allowed him to film the two teenagers stealing a $2,000 laptop from his store. The video shows how one of the pair kept watch and covered what his pal was doing as the second teenager slipped the computer under his jacket. People who saw the video online recognised the pair, told Mr Karer who alerted the police. The pair, who were asylum seekers from Georgia and Armenia, were arrested in Linz.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inspect Your Gutters Spring is a good time of year to check your gutters. Nail any droopy gutters back to the fascia. The next time you get a good rain, make sure the gutters are draining correctly and that water is being chanelled 3 to 4 feet from your house.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and the n stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours, and I'll lay on the couch and fart." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Schwartzberg, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Schwartzberg, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr. Schwartzberg, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters." ========================================
Thanks to Martin for this Bonus Link: Atmospheric Optics http://www.atoptics.co.uk/phen800.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 169 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 496 )
Dear Webby: Vista not required for Earthlink DSL 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 30, 2007
======================================

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing
to do. The hard part is doing it."
--- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for these winning excerpts from actual High
School writings:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this:
Leave it to the Japanese to figure out this one! It takes awhile
to load..be patient.

Have you ever wondered what makes the arrow cursor move around
the screen??? Click on the link , move your cursor and click the mouse
and stop sometimes too, and see what happens....and now you know
how your cursor works!!
How your cursor works
http://www.1-click.jp/

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54 of Melbourne, Florida Doc is a nuisance when drunk April 24, 2007 - Melbourne, Florida - AP A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly did at the police station got him into more trouble. Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54, would probably rather forget about the weekend when he was arrested on charges of battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence. It's not what you would expect from a doctor or Captain America. The Palm Bay family physician was at On Tap bar as part of a pub-crawl with other medical professionals. It was a sort of costume party on a bus that would take them around from bar to bar. Police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her. The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification." The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot. He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet. An officer observed him try to flush something into the toilet. The officer was able to reach inside and grab what he tried to flush. The doctor wasn't in when Eyewitness News went by and didn't return calls. He may now have to rely on a lawyer instead of his superpowers to get him out of the jam. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Goldy Re: DSL with Vista Hello Dear Webby, I just ordered High Speed Intenet(DSL) from our phone company and have received the new modem, etc. When I opened the package I read that it will now be Vista and from everything I have been reading in your Humor Letter I'm not so sure that I want it installed. Will you please give me some advice. Of course, I now have dial up service. Thanks for the great advice and humor. Keep up the great work. Thank you, Goldy Dear Goldy Most likely they meant that it will be Vista capable, not that you have to use Vista. However, if they don't allow Windows XP, send it back to them and tell them where to stuff it. You can always get Earthlink DSL, probably for less money and definitely much better service. With Earthlink you can always chat with a rep, and I did just that right now to confirm that they don't require Vista. Pryce, one of their friendly reps, instant response was: Pryce C: Yes you are correct. When you use EarthLink DSL service, there is no need for Windows vista. You can use ANY operating system you like. I have used Earthlink for about a dozen years, and I can highly recommend them. With Earthlink you can use your own domain based address, you don't have to advertise for your ISP in your email address, like you have to with less competent ISPs. Check out http://www.earthlink.net/highspeed/ If you do sign up with them, you can use me as a referer. My earthlink referrer address is hmorsch2@earthlink.net That is just the referrer address. With Earthlink I can use any @webby.com address as my sender address. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 24, 2007 - Eastpointe, Michigan - AP Norman O. Wheeler probably wishes he had finished that cinnamon bun. DNA evidence from the partly eaten pastry led to Wheeler's arrest in a 2004 car theft. The 40-year-old Detroit resident already was serving time for another auto theft when authorities made the DNA match. Wheeler pleaded guilty earlier this month, and he now faces sentencing May 22. Eastpointe Officer Ed Lulko was investigating the car-theft report when a witness described seeing a man arrive in one car and then break out the windows of the other car and steal it, according to police in the Detroit suburb. ''Officer Lulko found the partially eaten pastry in the car and sent it to the Michigan State Police crime laboratory with hopes that the DNA left on the roll could lead to the identity of the perpetrator,'' Detective Eric Keiser told The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens. As a convict, Wheeler's DNA was on file, leading to the match and arrest.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Less Sweeping and Vacuuming Limit the wear and tear on your flooring and how frequently you have to vacuum by not wearing shoes in your house. It will cut down on the amount of dirt that winds up on your floor dramatically.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees: a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog The dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble." The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?" The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Petrobras http://tinyurl.com/2eash5
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 247 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 507 )
Dear Webby: XP on Dell computers? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 29, 2007
======================================

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful.
If it's bad, it's experience."
--- Victoria Holt

=======================================

A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.

"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health.  They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady.

"Are you in any pain?" her friend asked.

"No, I have never had a pain in my life."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven.
I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

*Rules for Writers*

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 47 year old man from Lakeland, Minnesota Wet CD April 24, 2007 - Hudson, Wisconsin - CBS A Twin Cities man crashed his car into the St. Croix River Sunday night after he was changing a CD in his dashboard player. A broken fence and skid mark show where a 47-year-old man from Lakeland, Minnesota started to drive down the embankment toward the river from westbound Interstate 94. The Wisconsin State Patrol said it didn't take long for the man's car to begin filling with water. Eventually it was submerged in four feet of the St. Croix River, up to the roof line. The driver managed to free himself before water filled the Chevy Malibu. "The driver indicated to me that he was coming up the ramp, changing his CD on his radio and lost control. He did go down the embankment, he did end up in the water with his vehicle," said Sgt. Brian Erickson of the Wisconsin State Patrol. The driver swam less than 10 feet to shore and was wet, but not hurt. A tow truck and a diver had to haul the vehicle from the St. Croix River. The driver was cited for inattentive driving. The state trooper hopes the crash will remind people that distracted driving, from using cell phones to changing CDs, can cause a crash in an instant. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: FINALLY, after going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems... I have fixed my computer... and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to! Martin =========================================== One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground." The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me!" Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!" Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me? A cruise ship?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Malcolm Re: No XP Dear Webby No matter where I try, I can't seem to find XP computers any more. I thought you mentioned that Dell gave in to consumer demand and is selling XP again? What happened? Malcolm Dear Malcolm At Dell.ca you can select XP. Apparently Canada has closer ties to India than the US has. Try calling them or chat with Mujibar, their "personal product advisor" in new Dehli. Keep in mind that with XP they are not getting the Vista subsidy, and may be breaking commitments they have made to Microsoft, and they are not cheerful about that. You will have to be quite firm about telling them where to stuff Vista and how, and really insist on XP. Remember, it's YOUR money, and the goal is not making somebody in India happy, the goal is getting the computer that you need. The same applies to all the big name computer makers. If you get too frustrated, check with a local computer fixer about how much it would cost you to have new Vista machines formatted and set up with XP. Get a firm quote in writing and go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2007 - Santa Cruz, California - AP A peregrine falcon hatched from an egg plucked off the San Francisco Bay Bridge is doing well in its new home, ornithologists said. Scientists from the University of California, Santa Cruz, rescued three eggs last month to protect the chicks from a deadly fall or car collision on their first flight. Another chick died shortly after hatching, while the third egg was ''nonviable,'' said Glenn Stewart, an ornithologist with the Predatory Bird Research Group at UC Santa Cruz. The parent falcons, dubbed George and Gracie, have returned to the downtown skyscraper where they have nested for the last several years and have another egg. The baby peregrine, hatched Friday, will likely be placed with foster falcon parents in another nest before being released in the wild.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Paint Cans Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint cans take up a lot of shelf space.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan asked the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinsons." "Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before Waterloo." "I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if they ain't any good," the Texan retorted. "I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist said. "Why just last year, my wife swallowed one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised the gardener, emasculated a neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's fingers off at the knuckle -- and I still got 10 shaves out of it." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Rainbows http://tinyurl.com/34r5hk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 148 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 533 )
Dear Webby: Gene Modified 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 28, 2007
======================================

 "To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth that
health is the wealth of wealth."
— Richard Baker

=======================================

"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"

"He is the original owner."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Hull, East Yorkshire, England Hysterical Vegetables protected by dumb cops April 25, 2007 - East Yorkshire, UK - Ananova A huge operation aimed at sabotaging the Government's GM potato trial backfired - when the 250 protesters got the wrong field. They swooped on the 16-hectare site, outside Hull, armed with shovels and planted thousands of organic potatoes, reports the Guardian. Activists from Mutatoes.org apologised to farmer David Buckton after it emerged that they wrongly identified his land as the site of the GM trial. The field they planted was sown with beans. Mr Buckton, 54, said the mix-up was the strangest event to have befallen his family in four generations of farming. He said the protesters were accompanied by two police officers on horseback. "I told the police officers that it was a bean field but they said the protest seemed peaceful so we'd better let them get on with it. The beans are just peeping through. The protesters should have been able to see that," he said. ----------------------------------- Not much point in suing the turnip brained idiots, but I hope the farmer sues the cops for protecting the hysterical vegetables, who ruined his field! Plants have been modified since the stone age. It makes no difference, whether it is done by selecting natural mutations, or hybrids or gene modification. For example, by the mid 1400's the Aymara Indians in Peru had developed more than two hundred varieties of potatos, that grew at elevations greater than 10,000 feet! It is the lack of modifying that is dangerous! Look at the Irish potato famine, that decimated the population of Ireland so badly that it still has not recovered today. Because of strict standardizing and not allowing natural mutations to become new fashions, there was no variety, which could cope with three years of "Global Warming" and wet years, which favored a blight fungus more than the Standard Irish Potato. Over a Million people died of hunger because of that, and over two Million emigrated. I realize that some gene modification efforts, like the Roundup resistant grains from Monsanto, were a bit boneheaded and pure ammunition for the hysterical sheep, who badmouth anything, that is from a major American company, and were used by Europe and Russia, with a lot of help from The Enemy Times, to shift grain sales away from the US and to European farmers. However, there have been quite a few very benficial wheat modifications, that very few people know about. If you are interested, have a look at Science Daily http://snipurl.com/1iir9 That is just one example. When some idiots get hysterical against all plant modifications, and sabotage testing of new varieties, then in my opinion they were obviously let out of the caves prematurely, and should be returned promptly. Dear Webby ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have. : "I would have $1.00!" Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic." : "You don't know my father!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fast Eddie Re: Which computer is faster? Hi Mr Webby; I am in search of another computer and saw one over on "Tigerdirect" it is....... eMachines T3516 ----- $249.00 Refurbished Intel Desktop PC Blah, blah, blah.... a page full of hype and specs And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like something faster! Gateway GM4019E AMD Athlon 64 3500+ DVDRW Media Center Blah, blah, blah.... two pages full of hype and specs Fast Eddie Dear Fast Eddie Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be the faster one. The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part is the chair-to-keyboard interface. Tech support from Gateway doesn't have quite as bad a reputation as Compac/HP, so, if I had to choose between those two machines, I would pick the Gateway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 20, 2007 - Knoxville, Tennessee - AP A Tennessee teenager says he's learned his lesson about drugs. The 14-year-old boy's father made him stand outside his Knoxville middle school wearing a sign reading, "I abused and sold drugs." The father told a Knoxville TV station that the nation's "extreme drug problem" calls for "extreme measures" by parents. He said he found about his son's involvement with marijuana and OxyContin by reading his MySpace page. The sign-carrying punishment ended when the school's dopy principal came out and asked the father to call it off. Seems he was afraid somebody would make him stand there with a placard too. The boy said it was embarrassing, but added that he's learned that "drugs are for losers."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening Jars Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar. You can also use a pair of strap wrenches: Use one on the lid and the other one, upside down, on the neck of the jar, close to the lid. The rubber strap adjusts to any size jar or plumbing pipe. The very first time you use a strap wrench, it may be a bit puzzling for a moment, because the concept is much simpler than you expect. Put one on the neck of the jar and try turning it while holding the jar. It will slide in one direction and grab in the other. Flip the strap wrench so that it grabs the neck when you turn the handle in a clockwise direction. Then put the other strapwrench onto the lid upside down compared to the first strapwrench, so that it grabs when you turn it counter-clockwise. When you turn it counter-clockwise while holding the other strapwrench steady, the lid unscrews without much effort at all. Strapwrenches usually cost between 99 cents and $1.99 and they are a much appreciated gift for elder relatives, especially if they have arthritis. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Simone for this confession: My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight. I have an earache." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mediterranean Coastline, prehistoric http://tinyurl.com/ekvxk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 148 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 812 )
Dear Webby: Selective softening of digital pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  April 26, 2007
Wear something red today to show support for the troops!"
======================================

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
--- Helen Keller

"Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around
you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it.
Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you,
no one can take it away."
---  Tom Clancy

=======================================

Thanks to Fast Eddie for bringing back this classic:
A burglar broke into a house one night.  He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up
a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied
voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off,
and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, and
then clicked the light on and began searching for more
valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room,
his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked,
"I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed.  "Warn me, huh?  Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed .  "What kind of idiot would
name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of idiot that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Jarhead Math
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won
some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows
humor.

During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander,
whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary
Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack
in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited
Korean Officer.

General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer,
"Many, many, many, many Chinese!"

"Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the radio."

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese you got up there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who
knows how to count!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Dollman, 30, of Tampa, Florida Home made money April 20, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP A man was arrested Friday for trying to use counterfeit $100 bills at strip clubs, authorities said. Troy Dollman, 30, of Tampa, was videotaped trying to use counterfeit money at one strip club. He then went across the street to another club and tried to use two more counterfeit bills, according to an affidavit. Dollman was held by security at the second strip club until authorities arrived. Police found two more counterfeit $100 bills when they searched Dollman's pickup truck. He was charged with three counts of uttering a forged instrument and one count of counterfeiting. He was in jail Friday on $8,000 bond. It was not known if he had an attorney. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Noella for this picture: Rainbows from last night in Bolivar, Missouri. While we were looking at this, my husband who is a truck driver, had to pull off to the side of the road on his way home because the rain was so strong! Noella =========================================== April 23, 2007 - Peru, Indiana - AP An 11-year-old girl stopped a van that went out of control when her diabetic mother became ill, police said. Indiana State Police Senior Trooper Joe Swisher said Abigail Parker's actions were ''nothing short of heroic.'' Besides stopping the van, Abigail kept her mother and 8-year-old brother calm and informed paramedics about her mother's condition, Swisher said. State police dispatched an ambulance and troopers to U.S. 31 south of Peru on Saturday after the girl called 911 and another person reported a reckless driver. Officers found the van stopped, partially blocking the southbound lane of the highway. Deborah Parker, 36, of Muncie, who had been driving, was unaware of her surroundings. She was treated for low blood sugar. Abigail told police her mother had started driving erratically at about 80 mph. The girl said she climbed from the rear seat of the van onto the woman's lap and managed to stop the vehicle before calling 911. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think may be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Billie Re: How to blur Dear Webby: With my old camera I used to be able to have the prime object nice and sharp and everything else a bit blurred by precisely setting the distance. With my new camera everything is auto- matic and I can't set the distance. Is there a way to fake the same results? Billie Dear Billie With some digital cameras you can half depress the shutter button and force it to take a reading. Then you can move the camera and it will use that setting, when you fully depress the shutter. However, that does not always blur what is not in precise focus, especially with a small lens type camera and bright lighting. In the old days photographers smeared vaseline onto the lens and cleaned the portion they wanted sharp with an alcohol soaked swab. With a large lens camera you can still do that, but I would not really advise it. The alcohol can affect the coating on the lens. It is a lot more precise and predictable to do the blurring after you got the picture onto the computer. Any graphics program like PaintShopPro or Photoshop will do it nicely. Use the retouching tool, set it to a round shape and a hardness of about 50%. Select it to SOFTEN. Then wipe it from the edges in towards the area that you want to leave sharp and crisp. You can also use the irregular shape election tool, lassoo the sharp area, invert the selection, and then blur or soften the entire selected area in one shot. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ring Around the Collar My husband gets ring around the collar because he has oily skin. I use liquid dishwashing detergent and smear it on the stains and wash as usual. The oil comes right out. Cheap shampoo also works well. By Misty
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pianos http://tinyurl.com/35687f
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 201 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 731 )
Dear Webby: Lost mouse 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 26, 2007
======================================

The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
--- Paul Valery

One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked,
but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.
--- Michael J. Fox

=======================================

Thanks to the Express Empress for this:

Call Center Classic:
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have
just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back
two weeks will I have my file back again?".

---------------------
If that worked for my car, I'd turn it back a few days and
get rid of it. Blew the engine in it today and lost most of
the day because of it.

However, while waiting for a tow truck, I got a few hours
of way overdue sun tanning.

After the Crysler dealer told me that it would be next month
before I could get, for $200, an estimate on how much the
repair will cost,  I decided to rent a car for the duration.

Well, Budget Rental Cars has banker's hours and had
closed at 3:30 PM. However, there was a used car lot
there, and a really cute, bright red convertible. I asked how
much that one was. He quoted me just about exactly the
amount that I had budgeted for renting a car.

A few minutes later my MasterCard had a bunch more
Airmiles, and I drove off in my first convertible.
If somebody had planned to spoil my day,
then they failed miserably.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An overweight Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The
doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds.

Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days,
she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky
twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for
the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last
question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to
run home 300 Miles?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fernand Etienne, 60, of Huy, belgium All kids look the same to some people April 24, 2007 - Huy, Belgium - Ananova Teachers at a Belgian nursery school panicked after a man came to pick up his granddaughter but got the wrong girl. When the parents of two-year-old Marie arrived to pick her up they were told she had already been collected by her grandfather. Teachers at Don Bosco school in Huy immediately called the police who organised a search, reports the Antwerp Gazette. While they were still searching, police received a call from Fernand Etienne, 60, to say his wife had told him the little girl he had collected was not their granddaughter. "I'm still surprised," he explained later. "The little girl has the same looks as my granddaughter - same age, blonde hair. And her name is Marie like our granddaughter. "I had no reason to suspect it was another girl since the teacher had called her for me." Mr Etienne realised something was wrong when the little girl started crying in the car and he couldn't calm her down. He called his daughter, Marie's mother, who spoke to the girl by phone and calmed her down - without realising she wasn't speaking to her own daughter. Finally, the grandmother solved the mystery and Mr Etienne hurried back to school to collect his real granddaughter and return the other Marie to her parents. ---------------------------------- This seems to happen a lot in Belgium! There was an almost identical Bonehead Award not too long ago. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture: Dear Webby, Thank you so much for Sandi's pictures of the burrowing baby owls....fascinating!! This picture is a Band Tailed Pigeon who returned to Oregon yesterday after a well fed winter in Mexico. Nita =========================================== Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?" Doctor: "Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all. I'll call you when I get there." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Lost mouse Dear webby: My grand son has lost his mouse. I think he has melinium not sure of the spelling of it. And I'm not sure of the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas On this problem ? Rheta Dear Rheta Eery time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help, plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't last very long, especially the cheaper ones. Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new computers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2007 - Bloomfield Hills, Michigan - AP A 19-year-old suburban Detroit resident is on track to graduate from The University of Michigan after just a year of study. Nicole Matisse, of Bloomfield Hills, is to officially graduate in the summer with a bachelor's degree in psychology. As a student at Lahser High School, Matisse had exhausted the curriculum by her junior year. Between the exams she passed on eight advanced placement courses and the eight classes she took at Oakland Community College, she had amassed enough credits to enter the university last fall as a junior. ''When I got to U-M, I only took 19 credits, and I was bored and craved more credits,'' she told The Detroit News for a Wednesday story. ''So even when I took 27 credits this semester, I felt I could have added even more.'' It's unclear whether any other students have done what Matisse will accomplish this year, but Donna Wessel Walker, assistant director of the honors program, said she's never seen it happen. ''She's taking in one semester the course load that most people take in two,'' Wessel Walker said. ''She is one determined young lady.'' Matisse's next step is to start as a first-year student at the Wayne State University law school in Detroit.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dividing Up Your Ground Beef I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then I divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size) and just freeze it. Then when I get home from work, all the hard work is done. I can make tacos, casseroles or whatever quickly by reaching into the freezer. By Valerie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Money isnt everything It can buy a bed - but not sleep It can buy a clock - but not time It can buy you a book - but not knowledge It can buy you a position - but not respect It can buy you medicine - but not health It can buy you blood - but not life It can buy you sex - but not love So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering. So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Know hwat you eat http://tinyurl.com/ynml9w
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 223 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 676 )
Dear Webby: How long do camera chips last? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  April 25, 2007
======================================

"It is not enough to have a good mind.
The main thing is to use it well."
— René Descartes

=======================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
An authority on African animals was giving a lecture.
When he finished, he asked for questions.
One man stood up and asked,
"Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you
if you carry a lighted torch?"
The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steve Pratt, Australian politician Clueless Nuisance April 21, 2007 - Canberra, Australia - Ananova An Australian MP's anti-graffiti crusade backfired when he spent five hours scrubbing off a specially commissioned piece of street art. Steve Pratt invited the media to witness his removal of an "obnoxious piece of vivid graffiti vandalism" on the side of a concrete bridge in Canberra, reports the Daily Telegraph. It was only after he had reduced it to a discoloured smear with the aid of stiff brushes and industrial-strength detergent that it emerged it had been commissioned by a local sports club. John Stanhope, the chief minister of the Australian Capital Territory, said the opposition MP's artistic vigilantism had been referred to police for investigation and possible prosecution. "In his eagerness to thump the law and order tub, it seems that Mr Pratt may have joined the ranks of those he so consistently reviles - the vandals of our community," he said. A spokesman for the ACT Community Art program, run by TAMS, said Mr Pratt was told last week that the mural was a commissioned artwork. Asked if Mr Pratt's office had contacted the program, the spokesman said: "Yes, that's correct." Asked if the program had told Mr Pratt the mural was a commissioned artwork, the spokesman said: "Yes, that is also correct." The ACT Government has called for a police investigation, saying Mr Pratt should make a public apology and pay $3000 compensation to the artist. Mr Pratt has refused to apologise. The club that had paid for the mural has no plans to replace the original mural painted by a local graffiti artist affectionately known as "Dan the man" and featuring a man playing disc golf. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this update on the burrowing owl chicks from across the road from her house. They are already larger than fist size. =========================================== Two friends meet in the street. The one lad looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars." "That's not bad." "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear." "I'd like that." "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million." "The how come you look so glum?" "And this week - nothing!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, "This isn't a man s job." Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13: "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down." ------------------------ By the way, did you know that the Bible states that brewing coffe is the man's job? On quite a few pages it says it right at the top: He brews =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Camera memory chips Dear Webby; I have another question for someone I consider to be an expert. I am taking pics w/ a digital camera & have a memory card. I usually take 15-20 pics a month at our church gospel sing. Then I take them from the camera & resize to about 480 px. and put them in a folder in my documents before emailimg them on to others. Then I take these pics & put them on a disk to be sure I don't lose them. After I have done this I am in the habit of deleting them from the memory card. Is there any amount of time this card can be used over & over before it will need to be replaced? I don't like keeping them on the card because it gets too confusing. I have even saved some of your dad's cactus pics. Thanks ever so much for your time & patience. Sharon § Dear Sharon Dear Sharon I have heard of camera chips that were stepped on, vacuumed up, eaten by toddlers or pets, but never of one that stopped accepting data. At a rate of 20 pictures per month, you can probably copy pictures on and delete them from that chip for about 3000 years, maybe more. So, don't panic yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2007 - Blackburn, Lancashire - Ananova An autistic boy who could not speak has learned his first words with the help of his family's pet parrot. Dylan Hargreaves, four, has severe learning difficulties and had never uttered a single word. But after listening to macaw Barney, he can now say "Night, night", "Dad", "Mum", "Ta", "Hello" and "Bye", reports The Sun. Experts think he is close to his first two-syllable word. Mum Michelle, 33, said: "Barney has changed our lives. Before he arrived, Dylan would try to speak, but the sound came out as a noise. Then we got Barney and, a few months later, Dylan began to talk." "Every time I gave the bird something to say, Dylan started trying to say the same thing. I think it's because the bird says things slower than me, which helps Dylan understand. "Now when I put him to bed he says, 'Night, night, mum'. It means the world to me." Michelle thinks her son's first two-syllable word will be Barney, because he loves his pet so much.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Clothing Off Season When buying new clothing, I purchase my winter clothes and shoes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter. For used clothing, yard sales and church rummage sales are great places to find nice clothing. By Janice
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most impor- tantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: World's only Corn Palace http://tinyurl.com/27veg6
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 245 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 807 )
Dear Webby: PriceGrabber 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 23, 2007
======================================

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that
more people worry than work.
--- Robert Frost

=======================================

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Two mothers are having a conversation about their children
one day.

"How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?"
asks Joan.

"Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat
on his bed."

"Why does that wake him up?"

"He sleeps with the dog!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

From Deacon Jerry
You will never see or read this in the liberal media.
But the Academy Award winner is, again, proven to be the
liar he is . . supported by the entertainment industry in
Calipornia.

AND Snopes says the news story is true, not another urban
legend.

Inconvenient Truth
http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/house.asp

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 22 year old drunk driver in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania SHORT TRIP TO JAIL April 20, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - AP A drunken driver veered onto a sidewalk and crashed into a police station, knocking bricks loose from the building, police said. The headquarters of the city's 18th Police District was still structurally sound, said Lt. Joel Dales, a district supervisor. Investigators said the 22-year-old driver had been arguing with a woman in another car before the crash early Thursday. He was charged with driving under the influence. --------------------- When trying to find a name and more details, I learned that Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is a rather rough place! This weekend their murder count for the year went to 125. Also this weekend five teens were shot and 5 were stabbed, but are alive in various hospitals. Dear Weby ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture of her orchid: =========================================== Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called him to help. "Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Dave and Judy for this: This is a unique personality evaluation. There are only 4 questions but the results are very interesting. I was kind of shocked by what some of my answers meant. Be honest and honor what pops into your mind when the questions present themselves. You don't fill anything out and ou don't send anything in to the site. It's totally private, but quite aneye opener! http://memoriter.net/flash/test.html =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: PriceGrabber Dear Webby I was just reading about the types of Windows XP there are. Also that you could purchase them through price grabber.com on the internet.I was wondering if a person can purchase it at a local store like Best Buy and Circuit City etc.I read all your helpful information each day that you give to people who write in to ask something specific.Keep up the good work.Love your daily letters also. Happy Sunday to you and yours. Rita T. Dear Rita PriceGrabber is not just for on-line stores! It lists the downtown stores too. You can check there which of your local chain stores like Best Buy or CompUSA or whatever has the best deal and then figure out whether driving a bit further justifies the time and gas cost. For example, for a $2 difference I won't drive all the way across town. I'll pay the $2 more and save $3 on gas. Also look at flyers in your local paper. Quite often those big chain stores have weekend specials where they sell an item at a loss, just to drag you into the store. To stampeded the sheep over to the Vista machines, they will occasionally sell XP CDs for ridiculously low "Final Clearance" prices, (for one day). Those are "in-store-only" specials and not listed on PriceGrabber. Since those specials are often sold out by the time you get there, PriceGrabber does not list them. But you get a fair idea about who in your neighborhood has the best deal on whatever item you are interested in. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2007 - Waynesburg - Kentucky - AP Miss America 1944 has a talent that likely has never appeared on a beauty pageant stage: She fired a handgun to shoot out a vehicle's tires and stop an intruder. Venus Ramey, 82, confronted a man on her farm in south-central Kentucky last week after she saw her dog run into a storage building where thieves had previously made off with old farm equipment. Ramey said the man told her he would leave. "I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave," Ramey said. She had to balance on her walker as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun. "I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it," she said. "If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now." Ramey then flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911. Curtis Parrish of Ohio was charged with misdemeanor trespassing, Deputy Dan Gilliam said. The man's hometown wasn't immediately available. Three other people were questioned but were not arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags Handy Keep a few trash bags in the bottom of your waste baskets so you will have them handy. That way you can quickly replace them when you are taking out the trash. By Gracie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Mandlebaum receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees...."Golf: $1.00. Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $395" He hits the ceiling! Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three $395 for three golf balls?" I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost." "Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a $400 dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!" "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Nasa, Somewhere in time http://tinyurl.com/2n4qe7
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 163 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 721 )
Humor: Which XP 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 22, 2007
======================================

If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village;
If you would know, and not be known, live in a city.
--- Charles Caleb Colton

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
--- Thomas Hardy

=======================================

On the train, a soldier named Jack
Said good-bye, and leaned out to smack
The lips of his chick
But the train took-off quick
And he kissed a cow's butt down the track.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his
friend Greg.

"Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting."

"What's the difference?" Sam pressed.

"Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting
me to rub her feet . . ."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to North Wiltshire council and council mowers Unaware council April 16, 2007 - Malmesbury, Wiltshire, UK - Daily Mirror A haven for rare wild flowers has been mowed by council gardeners who thought it was wasteland. Volunteers had planted hundreds of snake's head fritillary bulbs and spent seven months tending them. They say the area was clearly marked, reports the Daily Mirror. The flowers, rarely seen in the wild in Britain, were in bloom when mowers moved in to the half-acre picnic site in Malmesbury, Wiltshire. Deputy mayor John Lawton said: "I am incandescent with rage." North Wiltshire council apologised but said they were unaware the wild flower area existed. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Great Granny Vi for sending these pictures: =========================================== A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'" He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter Bunny.' He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter Bunny.' So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Which XP Dear Webby I'm searching for Xp to replace Vista I came accross new questions? How do I know the copy is genuine? Some vendors offer COA's some keycodes only. All say they are genuine. There is also the issue of OEM version vs Retail. What si difference in plain language about Home vs Pro vs Media Center? The more I look the more I have questions about. Thank You as always for your help & superb newsletter, Steve J. Dear Steve Dear Steve As long as you stick to real businesses, that are listed at Pricegrabber.com or by their local Chamber of Commerce, you can't go wrong. With a real business you can always tell them that you will report them to Microsoft, if they don't fork over a genuine Microsoft CD and license. OEM is the same as retail, just without the fancy box, since it is intended to be bundled together with other stuff in a box that the OEM provides. Theoretically OEM's are not supposed to retail Windows OEM CDs, but since some machines are always bought by Linux users who don't want the Windows CD, they have some left over and sell them out the back door. XP Flavors: Home: fastest. PRO: costs 1.95 times as much as Home, but can be installed on two machines. Has a few networking utilities thrown in. They are cute, but not needed for home networking. If you network more than 10 machines and like playing control freak, get a PRO for the admin machine. Media Center: Slowest. Has a bunch of Vista style anti media-piracy stuff in it to make it more difficult to use music and movies without paying. MediaCenter also has some utilities for using a TV signal and watch TV on the computer, IF you have a tuner video card. Tuner video cards were the hot item in 95, but are still available. Some of the newer computers have them as an option. I only tried that very briefly in 95, and definitely would not pay extra for that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Submitted by Ann Schoolgirl Hero Acted on Common Sense to Save Busload Friday, 06 April 2007 A Queensland schoolgirl who police say may have saved the lives of a busload of students with her quick wits and steely nerve has shrugged off her bravery, saying it was just common sense. Year 12 student Laura Simpson has been acknowledged as a hero after bringing an overnight coach under control on the Warrego Highway near Muckadilla, in south-west Queensland, after its driver had a heart attack. The bus, full of students on their way home for school holidays, ran off the highway and hit a road sign around 3am (AEST) yesterday when the driver took ill with what proved to be a minor heart attack. Farmer's daughter Laura, 16, was jolted awake and immediately took action. "I said to the bus driver 'are you alright mate, are you alright?' but he had passed out and the bus was starting to run off the other side of the road," Laura said. "I grabbed the steering wheel and put it into first gear." Laura, who was returning to her Longreach home from St Margaret's Anglican Girls School in Brisbane, managed to revive the driver, who lifted his foot off the accelerator and pulled the bus to a halt. If the bus had failed to stop, it could have ended up in a river.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Gift Box Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also, buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute. By Erin
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle candle of yours!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Old gas stations http://tinyurl.com/2jhqx8
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 133 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 645 )
Dear Webby: DELL caved in! 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 21, 2007
======================================

"You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma,
whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has
made all the difference in my life."
--- Steve Jobs

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

=======================================

From Cookie

Dear Webby
I'm sure all of us have have a similar experience as
*TENDJEWBERRYMUD*.
Going to share mine with you...

    I wanted to change something with one of my accounts
at Citi Bank, their web site was down, so I chose to call
and do it by phone. Well, I ended up connected 'out of country'
...after 15 or so minutes of not understanding what in the
world the questions were he was asking me...I asked for his
name again, which he had given at the beginning of our one
sided conversation, I said thank you but just cancel the
transaction.

    The next day I went to local Citi Bank where my account
actually is (anyway I think it is ;) only to have a nice lady
tell me, next time I could do this transaction online or by
phone. I had the name and number of person I spoke to
with me, so I asked her to please call the number and ask
for that person and to try and do the transaction for me.

She looked at me a little condescendingly and said,
"sure if that is what you wish."

Well, about 3 minutes into the conversation she covered the
receiver with her hand, looked at me and said, "I can't
understand a thing he is saying."
I smiled and said, "EXACTLY"!!

   She kept the name and number and said she would speak
with the bank manager about the problem, but as all of us
know...nothing will change except...I will always wait for
the web site to be functioning!! ;-}

Have a great day, Cookie

==========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this classic:

A station in Tennessee was trying to make the high
cost of gas worth the price so the owner put up a sign saying,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray pulled in, filled his tank,
and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number
from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Billy Ray then guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
"You were close; the number was 7.
Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, Billy Ray along with his buddy,
Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number Billy Ray guessed
2 this time.
Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4.
You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Billy Ray said to his buddy, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged,
my wife won twice last week."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

One day a gentleman walked into one of Ben Franklin's book
stores. As one of the clerks went to assist him, the gentleman
asked the clerk the price of the book he wished to purchase.
The young clerk looked at the price posted on the book and
said, "That book is one dollar, sir."

The gentleman began to haggle with the clerk over the price.
The clerk assured him that the correct price for the book was
one dollar and no lower. As the man realized that his efforts
to haggle with the clerk were going nowhere, he insisted on
speaking with Ben Franklin directly.

Franklin stopped his work, walked out to the storefront and
the gentleman asked, "What is the price of this book?"

Franklin answered, "One dollar and a quarter."

The gentleman was confused and replied, "Your clerk just said
it was a dollar."

Franklin looked at the book again and answered, "Yes, it was
a dollar. But now you're wasting my time."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jacksonville, Florida fire fighters April 16, 2007 - Jacksonville, Florida - AP Authorities said Jacksonville firefighters returned from an emergency call Saturday to find a blaze in their own station. District Fire Chief Randy Wyse said the firefighters left a stove on in Station 17 when they rushed out to answer a call Saturday night. The fire damaged the kitchen and parts of the firefighters' sleeping quarters. Officials weren't sure how much the damage would cost. The station is temporarily closed. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Burrowing Owl showing off her two shy chicks =========================================== For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eloise Re: Dell caved in! Dear Webby Thanks to you and a few others who publicly ranted against Dell trying to ram Vista down our throats, they caved in. XP will be available as a choice again. Do you think they will raise the price when they don't get the Vista subsidy, or will they cheapen the hardware? Eloise Dear Eloise I don't think they can easily switch to slower components, but they will probably overnight drop the standard configurations to 512 MB RAM instead of 2 GB, and charge you extra for the RAM that was included in the Vista machines up to now. If you are planning on buying a new computer in the near future, buy it today, or at least get a printable quote. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Bonehead to whiny prisoners and Kudo to Colorado Court of Appeals April 16, 2007 - Denver, Colorado - AP Three prisoners serving potential life sentences in Colorado say their lives have been threatened - by mosquitoes. The inmates at Walsenburg and Limon prisons sued, saying they were at risk of contacting West Nile virus or other diseases after they were bitten repeatedly by mosquitoes and suffered "the emotional and mental distress of whether or not each mosquito's bite would result in death or serious bodily injury." Stephen G. Glover, Alan Smith and Michael Freeman said the bites caused high fever, headache, neck stiffness and muscle weakness. "Each attack constituted bodily injury, which the (Department of Corrections) had the power to prevent, but consciously elected not to," wrote the inmates, acting as their own attorneys. But the Colorado Court of Appeals swatted down their case and upheld a lower court's decision to throw their case out. Prison officials said no confirmed cases of West Nile virus have ever been found in the prison population, and inmates are provided mosquito repellant.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Salsa Tip Cheap Carpet Deodorizer Instead of using store bought carpet deodorizer when you vacuum, use baking soda. It works just as well and is cheaper. If you need to really deodorize an area, let it sit for a few hours or overnight before vacuuming. By Claudia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bobby asked his baby sitter for help in getting his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had already worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when my son said, "wrong feet!" She looked and sure enough, they were on the wrong feet. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My Mom said I have to wear them, because mine leak." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in my boots..." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again..?" ----------------------------- I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation for doing that. Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!" There were no signs against jumping off the train at the front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back, running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again. Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway until they told me to sit down and shut up. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Grand Canyon cam http://tinyurl.com/bttxj
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 163 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 141 )
Dear Webby: Why not Norton? 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  April 20, 2007
Wear red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================


PERVERT ALERT!

The media announced that the Westboro Perverts will be a
nuisance around town in Blacksburg, Virginia.

The Perverts know that the cops will keep them from the
actual funerals, but the media have started to give them
prime time already.

=======================================

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day
approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem
they had never before shared with anyone, not even each
other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to
ask his father for advice. He said,  "Father, I am
deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I
love my fiancee, very much, but you see, I have very
smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be
put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash
your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks,
even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take
her problem up her mom. She said, "Mom, when I wake up
in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath
in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad,
I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep
in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get
straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and
brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until
you've brushed your teeth. Not a word,"

Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful
ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received,
he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning
silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about
6 months  later.

Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to
find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the
consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of
course, woke his bride and without thinking, she
immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my
sock!"

==========================================

A plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to
repair a leaking pipe.  When he arrived he was pleased to
discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked
babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became
extremely friendly.

About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom
shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on
his way home, but he's going back to the office around 8.
Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief.
"What? On my own time??"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Groan Alert:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating.

Luke is having problems, there is food over his face,
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.

"What should I do?" he asks Ben.

"Use the forks, Luke!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brandy Killin, 26, of Kearny, Nebraska Truant March 30, 2007 - Kearny, Nebraska - AP Police say a Kearney woman went to extremes to avoid working the weekend. Brandy Killin, 26, faces a felony charge of threatening to use an explosive after she allegedly phoned a bomb threat in to her employer to get out of work. Police said Killin called First National Omaha, a credit card service center, at 9:52 a.m. Saturday from a pay phone. Killin was supposed to report to work at 10 a.m. She was arrested Tuesday. If convicted, Killin could be sentenced to up to five years in prison. She has worked at the company for three months, according to court records. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for sending this picture: =========================================== The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." The officer let him in. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Why not Norton ? Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing. Carol Dear Carol Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean un-install and in some cases has required formatting to completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't recommend it for XP. I use and recommend McAfee Viruscan and mcAfee Firewall. However, the rest of the stuff that McAfee has, is definitely optional and not recommended by me. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 16, 2007 - Dawson, Texas - AP Champ, the horse, just wanted a drink from the creek when he got that sinking feeling. It took a backhoe and a team of rescuers to dig through the muck and haul the 1,200-pound horse to safety Thursday afternoon. Champ had worn himself out trying to escape the mud that sucked him in up to his belly by the time his owners discovered him in the morning. "It was like quicksand out here," said Champ's owner Jeff Radabaugh. "We dug until we couldn't dig anymore." Radabaugh said he was able to get another horse out of the mud easily, but Champ wouldn't budge. Firefighters and police were summoned to help. Neighbors and other volunteers also showed up to haul buckets of mud from around the horse which appeared to be nearly on its side as it struggled to get out. Ropes and straps eventually were put around the horse to lift it out of the mud with the backhoe. "It was wild," said Dawson Police Chief Nicole McMahan. "That poor horse -- if all those people hadn't showed up to help -- he surely would have perished."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Salsa Tip I got this tip from a neighbor. Instead of cooking homemade salsa on top of the stove where the tomatoes cook to a liquid, I roast the mixture at 350 degrees for 4-5 hours, stirring every hour. The tomatoes stay a little chunky and the sauce tastes and looks just like store bought. By Marjorie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== *TENDJEWBERRYMUD* It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud." Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying ' Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G : "You're welcome" ------------------- If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC) then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes. ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 183 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3 / 922 )
Der Webby: Installing XP 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 19, 2007
======================================

"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier."
--- Colin L. Powell

=======================================

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and
two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a
huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and
charges at you.  You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you
are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he
reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

1)  Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the
knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of
message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content
just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes,
have a paint and weed day and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks
and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH!


2)  Republican's Answer:
BANG!


3)Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
...(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester
Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points?

Son: Git-R-Dun Pop!  Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the taxidermist!

==========================================

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver
transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant,
a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you
think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that
I needed to get reorganized."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to
work its way through Congress.

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of
fire.

Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After
watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over
and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm
waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering why you are tossing those people aside
instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with
the others?"

"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from
Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to mugshot stars in Florida April 6, 2007 - Orlando, Florida - AP America loves a good mug shot. The more frizzed, frazzled and frantic, the better. An Orlando entrepreneur has seized on that fascination, recently starting JAIL, a weekly newspaper filled with nothing but unflattering booking shots — page after page of them, with only a few ads in between. "A mug shot is a couple notches below your driver's license picture," said Devin James, 41. "And everyone takes a messed-up driver's license picture." Mug shots have gained popularity online thanks to sites like The Smoking Gun, which feature embarrassingly bad arrest photos of pro athletes, musicians and Hollywood A-, B- and C-listers — among them, a wild-haired Nick Nolte, a grumpy-looking Glen Campbell and a blowzy Wynonna Judd. In JAIL, the stars are the readers' neighbors, charged with everything from drug possession to prostitution to murder. James said he got the idea nearly a decade ago after doing a three-month stint in the Orange County Jail following a loud fight with a girlfriend. He published two issues in 1999 but gave up when it didn't take off. Using $600 he earned moving furniture, James launched the paper again in December. "The timing is right for this paper now," he said. Before jail and JAIL, James' journalism experience consisted of reading the occasional magazine or newspaper. James said he distributes more than 8,000 copies weekly and struggles to keep stores stocked. The paper sells for $1 at about 175 mom-and-pop convenience stores in Orange, Seminole and Osceola counties. James delivers them himself. "We sell out of them each week," said Rafael Gil, manager of the Plaza Market in Orlando. "I had to place the paper by the cash register because customers thought it was free and were walking out the door with it." Thousands of arrests each week in the paper's three-county distribution area provide plenty of material, all obtained free from police and sheriff's departments. James carefully chooses the mug shots that go on the front page. (He has learned that attractive women on the front sell more copies.) Sue Cravens, a bail agent in Sanford who advertises in JAIL, said the paper may have helped authorities capture some suspects. Sindy Lowe, who manages a gas station that sells JAIL, said she has recognized several people in the paper. "Once I even saw my sister-in-law in there after she violated her probation," Lowe said. "I didn't even know she had been arrested." ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending this picture: These and some more bloomed today. The others are at Dawna.com http://dawna.com/7/4/d.html =========================================== *Seen Signs* These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for Littering On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewellery store: Genuine Fauz Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas. At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended On a Rapid City store: Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honouring Robert Frost: Frost Free Library ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Install XP Hello Webby, How would one install XP on a Vista machine? Would an upgrade version of XP work or must drive be formatted & a full install done? Wrere would you find the utility to format drive? It would be formatted to NTFS? Where would you find the drivers for the hardware (motherboard, modem, video, etc.) of a Vista machine? Would XP do it for you? Wanted you to know I look for your newsletter before I have my my coffee in the morning. Thank You for an excellent job, Steve Dear Steve Vista is as different as if it was a Martian Mac OS, and some people believe it is. You have to stick the XP setup CD in, shut down and boot from it, then format the drive and kill everything on it, then install XP. XP has all the drivers and stuff it needs on the install CD. Then you can guard against iIE7 slithering in by downloading and installing the currently most popular software at Microsoft: The IE7 Blocker http://snipurl.com/zyb7 Once you are protected from that, set XP for automatic updates, install your favorite virus protection, firewall and spam control programs. Then you are all set. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 6, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 95-year-old German woman solved a series of mystery thefts in a retirement home when she set a trap, hid in a toilet, and caught the thief red-handed. "It was a real case of Miss Marple," said a police spokesman in the eastern town of Saalfeld on Thursday. "It's good to know there are still courageous old ladies out there." The elderly sleuth left cash out in her room as bait and then withdrew to the toilet to lie in wait. A cleaner then entered and pocketed the money, unaware she was being watched. "Then the old lady hit the alarm button in the toilet and staff in the home nabbed the cleaner," the spokesman said. The cleaner, 36, later confessed to police she was responsible for other thefts from the home near the spa resort of Bad Lobenstein.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Dear Webby This is to follow up on the tip from Thrifty fun to fight mildew. A safer and better alternative than bleach is BORAX (chemical name: Sodium perborate). It can be purchased in laundry aisle of most supermarkets. The common brand is "20 Mule Team borax" Just mix the powder with water, it forms a suspension, then use that with a wet cloth. You can use a spray bottle but occasionally they spray nozzle might get clogged. But borax (imo) is safer to use than bleach and I used it last year to good effect. Nari
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sprite Storms http://tinyurl.com/2fn39o
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 272 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 723 )
Dear Webby: Separate Licenses 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  April 18, 2007
======================================

If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge
your thought of it and of yourself.
--- Orison Swett Marden

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
--- Winston Churchill

=======================================

Finally got a new motherboard today!
The old one died Thursday evening and I told DELL on
Friday morning that the motherboard was fried. DELL
tech support in India wasted alltogether over four hours of
my time, and today finally somebody showed up with a
new motherboard. He was a local guy and swapped out
the board in a few minutes. On Tuesday, mid-afternoon.

So much for paying for
"Next Day on-site replacement warranty!"
Well, the next machine won't be a DELL !

==========================================

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is
in the restaurant flirting at the waitress...
don't wait any longer."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey,
soccer, or some physical sport?"

"No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Air Traffic Controller's Union Anything to make a fuss April 13, 2007 - Manchester, New Hampshire - CNN Two airliners had to circle for 18 minutes and a plane ferrying human lungs for transplant was briefly delayed Friday while an airport's lone air traffic controller took a bathroom break, the controller's union said. The union on Tuesday cited the Friday incident at the Manchester, New Hampshire, airport as evidence that air traffic control facilities are understaffed. "There should never be one person in the tower, because it's not safe," said Doug Church, spokesman for the National Air Traffic Controllers Association. "It's just added proof that the system is stretched to its limits, and these are the type of things that are happening." Federal Aviation Administration officials responded that staffing is sufficient, that the bathroom break was handled in accordance with policy, and that travelers were not endangered or unduly inconvenienced. While drawing vastly different conclusions about the significance of the event, the FAA and the union gave details that generally matched. Because the only other employee in the tower was not certified to handle takeoffs and landings, the controller notified FAA's Boston consolidated terminal radar approach control, or TRACON, that he was taking the unscheduled break. Peters said the break lasted 12 minutes, but said a few additional minutes may have lapsed as the planes were realigned to land. "It's the FAA's position that the staffing that was present at Manchester was sufficient to safely handle arrivals and departures at that time of the evening," Peters said. "He was only gone for 12 minutes, so while there may have been a slight delay in the aircraft landing, certainly the controller did what he had to do." Passengers on the aircraft were probably not informed of the reason for the delay, Church said, adding, "They'd probably be angry." During the controller's break, a Lifeguard flight pilot radioed the tower and spoke to a trainee, who was not certified to conduct controller operations. The trainee told the pilot he would have to wait 10 minutes for the controller to return. The pilot whined that he had "lungs on board," Church said. The FAA and the controllers' union have skirmished more heatedly in recent months about staffing levels at airports than they traditionally have done for decades. There was no lung transplant operation scheduled for that evening. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Police responded to the pier shortly after 3 a.m. Sunday after callers reported an intoxicated woman had driven the car onto the end of the pier and walked off, the police incident report read. A short time later, police located the car’s owner, Alissa Edwards, 25, of 11007 Mill Creek Way, Fort Myers, wandering the area. She was questioned and released, according to police. A sheriff’s booking sheet shows Edwards had previously been arrested on one charge of driving under the influence in 2006. The charge was reduced to reckless driving, according to Lee County Clerk of Courts records. For Steve Ambers, Fort Myers city safety officer, it was no laughing matter. “It was unsafe to leave the car here, and it was unsafe to back it off the pier,” he said. “There was no engineer available to document that the pier could safely hold the vehicle so we had to use the crane.” =========================================== Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Separate licenses Thanks Webby, One more thing, I have 2 separate desktop computers and a laptop. For the windows xp to be "genuine", can I install the one purchased, or do I need to purchase 3 separate ones? Again, love your newsletter! An Avid Reader and User of Tips stitichingirl Dear Bonnie Micro$oft insists that you buy a separate license for each computer. I have a hunch that the demand AND PRICE for XP will go up as more and more people learn that a Vista computer is just an XP machine, that hasn't been formatted yet, and still needs XP to be installed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 16, 2007 - Guangzhou City, China - Ananova A dog has become famous in China for his ability to balance on the back of a bicycle. Eight-month-old Gougou balances on the carrier on the back of his owner's bike, reports Guangzhou Daily. "If he needs to pee, he taps my shoulder with his front paw. Then when I stop he runs to a secret place," says Mr Liu, of Guangzhou city. "A relative gave him to me as a puppy, and when I picked him up to go home, he jumped onto my rear carrier, and kept perfect balance." Mr Liu's daily bike ride along the Zhujiang River has since become a local spectacle, with passers-by stopping to ask questions and take pictures. "When he feels tired, he sits down on the carrier. And if we ride for a long time, the first thing he does after we get home is run for the water tap, and sit under it waiting for me to give him a bath."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Use bleach and water to clean up mildew. Put it in a spray bottle and squirt it where it is needed. We recently had a severe mildew problem on all of our walls and windows. A spray bottle with a little bit of bleach and lots of water did the trick. By Mara
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and hangs each one on the refrigerator. But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but everything seems perfectly normal. Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left in mine are black and brown." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Connie for these: Marriage Quips Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? A: Not if you are the groom. Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. Q: How is marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose: A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie? Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex? A: Call her/him on the telephone. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Penny Postcards http://tinyurl.com/o7cs3
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 114 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 2.9 / 444 )
Dear Webby: Works versus Excel 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  April 17, 2007
======================================

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves,
and good fortune to others.
--- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars
for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.
--- Marilyn Monroe

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
--- Robert Benchley

=======================================

In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the
home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were
placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know
what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her
brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!"
When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked
up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- spinal
meningitis.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of
myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses.
That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed.

Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch
out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of
the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted
that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachel Bell, 17, of Woodstone Village, County Durham, UK Big party April 13, 2007 - Woodstone Village, County Durham, UK - Ananova A girl's party was advertised on MySpace and hundreds of gatecrashers wrecked her family home causing $40,000 damage. Rachel Bell, 17, planned a bash for 40 friends when her mum went away for the night, reports The Sun. But more than 200 turned up after an invitation was placed on MySpace website under the heading "lets all trash the average family-sized house disco party". The ad promised a bash as wild as those on Channel 4 show Skins. Revellers came from as far as London, 300 miles away. Rachel has stayed with a pal since Monday's party and is "too scared" to return to the £230,000 four-bed detached home in Woodstone Village, Co Durham. Rachel later told her parents she organised a party for just 40 pals - but someone else put the invitation on the net. A neighbour, said: "There were so many people they couldn't all fit in the house. "Police tried to disperse them but they ran off into the woods. At one stage me and three blokes with golf clubs tried to keep kids away from the house. It was absolute bedlam." The family has been staying in emergency accommodation because their home is unfit for habitation. A spokesman for Durham Police who sent a convoy of cars and a dog unit to the party said the trouble was difficult to contain as the guests were invited to the house. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to all who sent this picture: =========================================== In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A census taker knocked on a lady's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly." he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Walt Re: Excel versus Works Dear Webby I have 2 computers. one with MS Works (Spreadsheet) and one with Excel. Is the any way to transfer the files across systems so I can work on the same spreadsheet on either system. ie: XLR to XLS convert then reconvert XLS to XLR. I thought i had seen a procedure to accomplish this.. Thanks as always, Walt D Dear Walt Excel opens Works files, but I doubt that you can save them as Works files afterward. Most likely not, since both are Microsoft products and therefore probably not compatible. Works is a clone of the Tandy Deskmate, Excel is a clone of Borland's Quattro. They have totally different roots. The group that cloned Quattro and saved it as Excel, apparently didn't know that Works also had a spreadsheet in it, and made no attempt to become compatible with it. Excel is compatible with Quattro, since it's more or less just a re-decorated Quattro anyway. I would recommend that you go to ebay and buy an older version of Corell Office. You can usually get a version 8, 9, 10, or 11 for $10 - $15. Each of them has Quattro in it, and NO greedy copy protection. You can put it on as many machines as you want. Then pick up your Works files with Excel and save them as Excel files. Finally, pick those up with Quattro. Quattro can save them as either Quattro files or as Excel files. However, the biggest advantage is that with Quattro you can work across your home network. Theoretically you could do that with Excel too, but if you try that, be ready for unpleasant unpredictability. With Quattro I reach across the network to my secretary's machine and open Quattro spreadsheet files there to look up stuff, or to leave notes or data for her. It's quite civilized! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 9, 2007 - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia - AP A man in eastern Malaysia saved about 100 people from being swallowed by a sinkhole when he felt the earth move while walking to an open-air toilet in the dark, a news report said Saturday. Renjis Empati immediately ran back to the village where he screamed to alert the others living in a traditional indigenous ''longhouse'' in Sarawak state on Borneo island, the New Straits Times said. ''I could feel the earth trembling, and I saw the longhouse collapse into the sinkhole,'' the paper quoted Renjis as saying. The incident happened just after midnight Friday, the paper said. ''If not for him, most of us would be dead by now,'' villager Lada Rentap said, according to the Times. Several said they lost all their possessions, including ancestral items passed down to them. A number of indigenous tribes in Sarawak state live in ''longhouses,'' where an entire community lives under a single structure.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Change and Dollar Bills My husband and I have always saved our change, but recently we have started saving our one dollar bills as well. At the end of each day, we put all of our ones in a little bank, and on Saturday, we deposit what we have into our savings account. It adds up quickly! By Carol
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Nothing ever happened to you at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Hell no. Dang varmint bit me on purpose." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Peruvian http://tinyurl.com/2v94dh
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 152 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 380 )
Dear Webby: Vista and printers 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 16, 2007
======================================

Nothing happens until something moves
--- Einstein

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. 
Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've 
gotten lost." 
--- Cesare di Bonesana Beccaria

=======================================

The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans.  On the other hand, 
the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans. 

The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer 
heart attacks than the British or Americans.  
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, 
and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or 
Americans. 

Conclusion: 
Eat and drink what you like.  
It's speaking English that kills you. 

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to MaryAnn for this story:
Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in   
rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when   
a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the   
trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers   
explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way.   

They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming   
toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she   
said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench   
crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"   

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a robber in Altamonte Springs in Florida. April 13, 2007 - Altamonte Springs, Florida - AP A robbery caught on tape captured a thief calling 911 during his own crime. The armed man was robbing a Kangaroo Express when the clerk started having a heart attack. The robber apparently got so scared, he called 911 and even apologized. The stress of being held up was just too much for 60-year-old Mary Parker. She had heart problems to begin with. When she started hyperventilating and panicking and pleading with the gunman to help her, he did. "I have heart trouble. Help me," the clerk, Mary Parker, can be heard saying on the surveillance video. "I'm sorry, ma'am," the gunman replied. "I have heart trouble," Parker told him. "Ma'am, it's gonna be alright," the gunman said. "I'm probably gonna have a heart attack," Parker said. "Oh my, ma'am, please do not have a heart attack. Please do not have a heart attack. Please don't, ma'am," he said. It was a horrifying ten minutes early Saturday morning for Kangaroo Express clerk Mary Parker. She went into cardiac distress after the masked robber pointed what looked like a semi-automatic handgun at her and ordered her to empty the register and open the safe. The robber helped her call 911 and, once she got through, he kept looking for his loot. Regular customer Gary Knight came in and tried to help Mary, until the gunman ordered him into the beverage cooler. Once the gunman realized he was not going to get into the safe, he left, apologizing again. "You have a good day. I'm sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry. God!" he said. Parker is going to be okay. Meanwhile, the robber got away with $30 and cigarettes. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Rumor has it that more pictures are taken outside the Clay & Glass Gallery than inside. =========================================== A couple was going out for the evening. They were both ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a mop to get her to come out." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store. "For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a small sale into a bigger one and make more commission." The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and was eager to try the technique on his very next customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed gentleman who shyly requested a box of Kotex for his wife. Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed to see The customer staggering out loaded down with assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a one-man inflatable life raft. "What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale." "Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he wanted was a box of Kotex." "I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister, there isn't going to be much doing around your house this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Vista and printers Dear Webby You wrote: "and most of your accesories like printers, scanners, cameras, etc. don't have drivers for it. Most software needs to be patched or adjusted to cope with Vista." I might add, don't expect any help from Microsoft or the various vendors. I have two Lexmark Printers which are not supported by Vista and, according to Lexmark, probably won't get the necessary drivers for several months. In essence, I now have two working printers which have been rendered useless under Vista. My new computer has Vista Home Premium but, if I can find a "cheap" copy of XP I will remove Vista and go back to XP. tom :---) Dear Tom Pricegrabber lists XP from $64 and up: Windos XP retail If you are in a hurry, Staples has it for around $120, which is still a LOT cheaper than two printers that will work in spite of Vista and will do the same job as your current printers do. Look at the bright side! Your computer probably was worth $500 more than you paid for it, but was subsizided to flog Vista. Just consider the $70 for XP a necessary upgrade, and you are still $430 ahead. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 13, 2007 - Shelbyville, Indiana - AP Edna Parker is celebrating her birthday a little early -- her 114th birthday. The central Indiana woman actually turns 114 April 20, but she was honored Wednesday at the nursing home where she lives. Parker is the oldest person in the United States. She has five grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren and many great-great grandchildren. On her last birthday she was asked about the biggest difference between today and a century ago. She said that back in the day, people were more friendly and worked together.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Your Bulbs If you have different varieties and colors of flowering bulbs, make stakes out of popsicle sticks and write the color and type on the stake. It is always harder to remember the type and color after they finish blooming. This is helpful when you dig bulbs up in the fall.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? They're all married and they all have a white, untanned line on their ring finger. . =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base, and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of the recruits got airsick. "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't handle the smooth landing?" asked George. "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out of planes. We've never actually landed before." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Space Wander http://www.spacewander.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 137 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |  related link  |   ( 3.1 / 406 )

<<First <Back | 142 | 143 | 144 | 145 | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | 150 | 151 | Next> Last>>