Dear Webby: Hotmail problems 



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Saturday,  May 17, 2008


Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. --- Robert Benchley It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note : romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to the mall and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the note : "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my Love" "PS The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
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John staggered home in the wee hours after a heavy night out with the boys. When he woke up the next morning, he rolled over in bed and, instead of spying his lovely wife Judi, saw Rover, the family dog. He nodded his head and thought, "I must have been really drunk last night. I THOUGHT there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out . . . "
Burros with foal, north of Monument Valley, AZ
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Frying Pan Duell May 15, 2008 - Cumberland County, UK - AP Out of the frying pan and into the fire. That's pretty much what happened to a Cumberland County couple arrested and charged with whacking each other with a frying pan. Heather and Samuel Newcome are both charged with domestic assault. They told Sheriff's Deputy Timothy Tutor last week that they got into an argument and hit each other with the cookware. "Both parties had injuries consistent with both of their stories," Tutor says in his report. Other family members got involved in the fray as well and apparently came to blows, but none decided to file charges. Tutor took Heather Newcome the Cumberland County Justice Center, where she was charged, then took out a warrant on her husband, who later turned himself in. The two are scheduled to appear Monday in General Sessions Court. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/445645.html
A friend of mine claims this happened to a friend of hers: She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, thought she, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. And you have one cheap wedding present! So she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith took a look at the tray, shook his head, and said, "Lady, you can only do this so many times!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joanne Re: Hotmail problems Dear Webby, my husband and l have been getting the humor letter for a long time now, but since you went on vacation we seem to be having a problem getting it. We may get it one day then not for 2or3 days then again for 2days and so on. I was wondering if you had any other people complain but this problem. I have to talked to some of my friends and they seem to be having the same problem. Yet other friends are not having a problem. Dear Joanne That is just a routine ho'mail problem and has nothing to do with my desert run. Even while travelling, I still sent the newsletter from the same server as always since 1996: webby.com. It makes no difference from where I tell the server what to send and when. If you are ready to graduate from ho'mail, I'll gladly send you a referral to gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie...... So I rented him a tuxedo!"

Deeli's Kudos May 16, 2008 - Coral Springs, Florida - UPI A Florida woman saved her 11-year-old granddaughter when she woke up and yelled at a man who was trying to kidnap the girl from their home, police said. The incident began early Wednesday when a man carrying a knife broke into a Coral Springs, Fla., home and took the 11-year-old out of her bed. "Put my granddaughter down!" the grandmother yelled at the man. The intruder put the girl down, patted her on the stomach and fled from the home without his knife, police said. The grandmother called police and told them neither she nor her granddaughter knew who the man was. Shortly after the incident, police arrested Timothy Christian Schlafer, 18, and charged him with armed kidnapping and armed burglary. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-348428-812343

Judi was in England with a tour group. They had to cross the road so they used the 'Pelican crossing' [pedestrain crossing]. When the lights go to 'Walk', they emit a high pitched beeping. Judi asked what the noise was. Her guide replied it was for the blind. Judi responded, 'Oh, we don't allow blind drivers in the States!'

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080511@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Squeaky Door Hinges If you have a squeaky door hinge, spray it with a little silicone spray or WD-40. This will lubricate it and keep it quiet. At the same time, tighten any hinge or doorknob screws and make sure the hinge pin is properly in place. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Improvement Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_607.html Personally, I prefer to use a Moly lube or mold release spray for locks and hinges. It puts a teflon style dry, waxy film onto the metal and does not attract and bind dust and dirt like oil or silicon based lubricants do. If you can't find it at your local hardware store, go to an electrical motor rewind shop. They spray that stuff onto the ends of freshly rewound motors before dipping them into motor varnish and baking them at 550 degrees. Afterward, the baked varnish on the tight fitting ends can be chipped off with a fingernail or by pushing the end caps on, instead of having to grind or re-machine the ends. It is truly amazing stuff and surprising cheap! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating in the brush. "What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring intently at the scene before them. "They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father, as he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly. A few nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his bed to go to the bathroom. As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises coming from within. He opened the door and was surprised to see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange way. His father looked up and saw his son - instantly, both mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and hustled his son out of the bedroom. "What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who still wasn't sure what he saw. "Your mother and I were, well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity. "Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute. "Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her over, please - I'd rather have a puppy".

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: American Eagle Foundation with Challenger, the free-flying Eagle
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, how do I delete update and patch UNinstall files? 




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Friday, May 16, 2008 Today is Friday, time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!
Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. --- John Maxwell
Thanks to Sandie for this story: It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?" Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move!"
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At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." The act of doing things for other people. Then I heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Civil Service Service Stations Customer Service City/County Public Service And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows. SHAZAM!! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service"agencies are doing to us.
Thanks to Walt for this picture of miniature horses: Attached are photo's of "REALLY' Small Horses. Equate their sizes to Great Dane = Full Grown Lab= Colts Walt
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul and Sharon Osborn, of Bletchley, England Sent in by Cookie Want my wife? Paul Osborn, 44, kicked out wife Sharon and advertised her on the internet auction site – with bids hitting £500,100. Take my wife ... Paul's eBay advert It offered his “cheating, lying, adulterous slag of a wife” to the highest bidder – and became an internet phenomenon, with users forwarding the link worldwide. But Sharon, 43, denies an affair and cops are now investigating Paul for harassment. MoT inspector Paul heard rumours in March that Network Rail manager Sharon, his wife of 24 years, was having an affair with a man at work. Dad-of-two Paul, of Bletchley, Bucks, said: “I started checking her emails and I realised the rumours were true. They had been discussing their sex life together and making plans for the future. “I was absolutely destroyed. I gathered all her stuff in bags and dumped it in the drive.” Paul said: “In a fit of rage I put the advert on eBay. I later took it off because I realised it wasn’t the right thing to do. I was just so angry.” Sharon and her colleague made a police complaint against Paul. Neither was available for comment last night. But the unnamed man’s wife said at home in Hemel Hempstead, Herts: “There’s nothing going on. They work in the same office, that’s all.” Thames Valley Police confirmed it was investigating, saying: “Statements have been taken from two people. ” http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/ne ... 165282.ece
Thanks to Minka for this story: "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Deleting Update files Dear Webby,After I download a program, I then install it. After that, I delete the installation program. I'm wondering, with all the update files I have from Micro$oft, I'm wondering if I can delete the installation programs from Windows Update and if so, how? Thanks, David Dear David 1. You do not want to delete/uninstall the Hotfixes, if they are still listed, they are most likely current and valid. If you delete the Hotfixes you also remove the protection/enhancement they provide. However you can safely delete the uninstall files. Once you are sure you will keep patch or hotfix, it is safe to delete the UNinstall files. 2. The files may be hidden, to show the file: Go to C:\WINDOWS Click the top TOOLS, click FOLDER OPTIONS, click VIEW Check the radio button. "Show hidden files and folders" Click OK and you should now see more files. 3. Go to C:\WINDOWS and delete "$NTServicePackUinistall$" about 240 mb. Then go to Add/Remove Programs. Click "Service Pack 1"(2), there will be an error since you just deleted the file. Click YES to delete the shortcut. 4. Use similar procedure to delete uninstall files for the updates. The updates will be in this format "$NTUninstall********" Do NOT delete "$hf_mig$" 5. The file "C:\Windows\SoftwareDistribution\Download" may also be safely deleted. Depending on installation method of the service Pack, this file may not be present. 6. Do NOT delete "C:\Windows\ServicePackFiles". That file may be needed if you have problems later and sometimes for hardware installations. It is used by Windows File Protection as a backup for system files. You can burn this file to CD, or compress the file, but if space is that important, a larger or second hard drive is the better fix. Have FUN! DearWebby

A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc.. Suddenly, she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep."

Deeli's Kudos May 15, 2008 - Dearborn, Michigan - AP A Girl Scout sold 17,328 boxes of the group's signature cookies this year by setting up shop on a street corner, shattering her troop's old mark and probably setting a national record. Jennifer Sharpe, a 15-year-old from Dearborn, plans to travel to Europe with her troop with the proceeds from her feat. ''It's always been one of those goals I wanted to accomplish,'' Sharpe said Wednesday. The two bakeries that make the cookies said Sharpe sold more than anyone this year, according to Dianne Thomas, spokeswoman for the Girl Scouts of Metro Detroit. Michelle Tompkins, spokeswoman for the New York-based national organization, called the figure ''amazing.'' Sharpe sold cookies every day on a street corner with help from her mother and troop leader, Pam Sharpe. Jennifer Sharpe's Troop 813 raised about $21,000 in cookie sales, paying for its 10-day trip to Europe this winter. http://www.happynews.com/news/5152008/t ... ookies.htm

While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any 'gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the 'gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beach bum said. "The sharks got 'em."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080511@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Breaking in a Baseball Glove The best way to break in a baseball glove is to use it. To speed up the process, apply a dab of shaving cream to the center of the glove and then put a baseball in the pocket. Secure the glove closed by tying a shoelace around the glove and put it between your mattresses overnight. Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: doctor Fish
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, What about SP3? 



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Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  May 15, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -– Victor Hugo
Thanks to Ross for this story: "Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, ..." when little Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
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A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"
Thanks to Joe for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelly DeBrocky, of Mahopac, N.Y., Is she the type they call "Sheet-fer-brains" ? May 10, 2008 - Norwalk, Connecticut - AP A New York woman has filed a $100 claim against Norwalk saying a family outing to the Maritime Aquarium was ruined by dog feces. The woman claims her child's shoes, along with the entire outing, were ruined when her 1-year-old stepped in dog feces outside the Maritime Garage. City attorney M. Jeffry Spahr said the official response is that her claim is denied and in his words, "poop happens." Kelly DeBrocky, of Mahopac, N.Y., wants the city to reimburse her for $54 she spent replacing her toddler's ruined shoes and the expenses for parking and aquarium admission on April 5. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... ource=mypi
The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He never does?" she asked.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: SP3 Dear Webby, I'm running XP; can't pay me enough to run Vista! I'm not one to download new special packs right away; I like to have them take the bugs out first. May I have your opinion of the new service pack 3? Thanks, you've taught me a lot by reading your Q&A; and you've answered many question to me as well. Carol Dear Carol Skip SP3. There are no new goodies in it anyway, just new bugs. Have FUN! DearWebby

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2008 - Dallas, Texas - AP Jenny, recognized as the world's oldest living gorilla in captivity, celebrated her 55th birthday Thursday with a four-layer frozen fruit cake and banana leaf wrapped treats at her wooded home in the Dallas Zoo. The International Species Information System, which maintains records on animals at 700 institutions around the world, said Jenny is the oldest gorilla in its database. Gorillas in the wild normally would live to age 30 or 35. Health care and protection from predators has extended the lifespan in zoos. Of the roughly 360 gorillas in North American zoos, only four are over the age of 50. Jenny's keepers describe her as very sweet though a little bossy. Born in the wild of western central Africa in 1953, the exact date of her birth is unknown. Jenny lived with a family on the Cape Verde islands before the Fort Worth Zoo acquired her in 1957. http://www.happynews.com/news/592008/go ... n-cake.htm

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080511@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chopsticks as Knitting Needles In a pinch, you can use bamboo chopsticks as knitting needles. Just sharpen the tips of the chopsticks in a pencil sharpener then dull them a little so they aren't too sharp. Ask for extras the next time you get take out. Visit ThriftyFun For More Craft Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Photo Essays
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: What type of monitor should I buy? 




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Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  May 14, 2008

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow. --- Evan Esar The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. --- John Holt
John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and asked a native, "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact. "Hello, Mary?" "Oh, Bill! Is that you?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "What is it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I have lunch, then I have sex until supper, then sex till I sleep, then I start all over again." "Oh Bill, then you surely must be in heaven." "Hell, no! I'm a bone tired rabbit in Kentucky."
Thanks to Joe for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the government of Myanmar (Burma) Aid workers might smarten up the population May 12, 2008 - Thilawa, Myanmar - UPI Rice exports were flowing through Myanmar's main port even as its military regime was restricting outside aid to cyclone victims, a report said Saturday. Four of the five berths at the port of Thilawa were empty recently, but sacks of rice bound for Bangladesh were being loaded for export, said drivers of at least 10 trucks waiting to deliver more rice to the docks. The decision by the military junta in Myanmar, formerly Burma, to bar foreign aid workers from helping distribute food and relief supplies in the wake of last week's cyclone has caused an outcry from the United Nations and humanitarian groups. However, that stance hasn't stopped the government from continuing to market its rice for export, despite a desperate need for food in the hard-hit Irrawaddy River delta. Outside aid is only accepted if it is delivered to the government, for distribution by the government. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-345990-715592
More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Moitor choice Dear Webby I need a new monitor. I need it mostly for graphics work and accounting, plus of course email. What would you suggest, LCD or old fashioned? Dianne Dear Dianne When there is graphics work involved, you need the old fashioned big, bulky CRT type. Almost all LCD monitors use a wide aspect ratio like 5 : 2, instead of the normal 4 : 3. Even though the wide aspect ratio seems to be popular with the fake-Rolex yuppie crowd, it is a real nuisance for actual work, and useless for graphics work. 99% of pictures are in a 4:3 format. Wide aspect ratio hides the bottom third. What you used to capture with one screen shot, takes two separate shots and stitching together while size reduced, if you have a wide aspect ratio LCD monitor. The same applies to working with maps. Get yourself the biggest CRT monitor that you can fit onto your desk. Also, keep in mind that the difference in cost for the next bigger size is considerably less than the cost of a new pair of eye glasses! Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Linda for this story: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2008 - Alton, Illinois - AP Sandy Baumberger says she never expected to see her wallet again when it was stolen 35 years ago. But it has been found by a 30-year-old dental student who tracked her down and returned it. Eric Wherley says he found the wallet in a bathroom stall at school after a water pipe broke and loosened some ceiling tiles. The thief who stole the wallet apparently had hidden it in the drop ceiling. The dark-blue patent leather wallet contained Baumberger's driver's license, library cards and Social Security card. It also had her student ID, a grocery list, and cloth swatches from her bridesmaids' dresses. Baumberger says she and her husband are planning to give Wherley a gift for his efforts. http://www.happynews.com/news/5122008/m ... 73-odd.htm

A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself; lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Broken Window Apply pieces of masking tape to the window in a crisscross pattern on both sides of the window. Then gently tap around the outer edge of the window with a hammer until the glass breaks out. The tape should help keep the window from shattering but be sure to wear protective gloves. Visit ThriftyFun For More Repair Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Repair_1876.html Personally, I prefer to use duck tape. It will hold even large pieces of glass. After taping the window, I remove it and lay it flat on a patio table or driveway. Then I remove the strips of wood, plastic or metal that hold the glass, and turn the frame upside down. It all comes out as one piece with minimal mess. If it is an antique single pane window held with points and putty, use a hair dryer or heat gun to soften the old putty. If you don't soften the putty, you will probably have to use wood filler and sanding to get a reasonably smooth surface again. Under the putty you will find glazier's points, triangle shaped slivers of metal. Save every one of them, because they are getting hard to find! Then I can clean the frame, paint if necessary, and put the new sealed unit or piece of glass into it. Professional glaziers take it out and lay it flat whenever possible, and that works best for me too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sue for this story: My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Above and below the sea
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Can I conncet a Win 98 to an XP computer? 



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Good Morning,  !
Tuesday,  May 13, 2008

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. --- Friedrich Nietzsche We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...." "And you are worried she'll find it again ?"
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Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Curious antelopes in the yard
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 'Darwin Award Wanna Be' Bicyclist in Fresno, California Does not know the meaning of sharing the road May 11, 2008 - Santa Cruz, California - Fresno Bee Thanks to Ross for this submission. Authorities say a protest by Santa Cruz cyclists turned hostile after a rider collided with a motorist during a ride to remind drivers to share the road. Santa Cruz police Lt. Rick Martinez said about 100 bicyclists swarmed the streets near the city's waterfront around 10 p.m. on Saturday night. Police said a 20-year-old Santa Cruz woman suffered minor injuries when she came out from between two parked cars on her bicycle and into the path of an oncoming car. Paramedics checking on the woman called in police as heated arguments erupted between cyclists and motorists and another driver's rear window was smashed. Three cyclists have died in collisions with vehicles on Santa Cruz streets in the past 10 months. http://www.fresnobee.com/384/story/591246.html -------------------- If they want to behave like ignorant asses and disregard the rules of traffic and common sense, they should get a parade permit and police escort. Merely having more gears on a bicycle than points on their IQ score is no excuse for giving reasonable bicyclers a bad name.
Three ministers are having lunch one day and complaining about sudden infestations of bats in their churches. "I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer," one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away." "Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." "I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says. "But I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: Connect Win 98 to XP computer DEAR WEBBY, IS THERE A WAY I CAN HOOK UP A COMPUTER RUNNING WIN98 TO MY COMPUTER RUNNING XP2 AND TRANSFER FILES? THANK YOU, CJW Dear Chuck Yes, sure! Just network them with a router. There IS a way to directly connect them with a special cable, but that method requires serious reading of instructions. A simple router is probably the easiest, and since everybody uses them, any neighbor kid can help you with the set-up, if necessary. However, as long as Vista is not involve, it is quite simple and straightforward and nothing to worry about. Have FUN! DearWebby

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where St. Peter commends him for his innovative work with computers and shows him his reward -- a beautiful 10-room house with spacious grounds and a tennis court. Gates is pleased and spends many months enjoying the amenities of heaven. One day, however, he is enjoying one of heaven's many fine parks when he meets a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," says Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replies, "I was given 100 of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill, a 500-acre estate, a golf course and three Rolls-Royces." "Were you a Pope or a doctor healing the sick?" Gates asks him. "No," says his new friend. "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Perturbed, Gates stalks off to find St. Peter. "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion and fine suits on the captain of the Titanic?" Gates demands. "I invented the Windows operating system. Why does he deserve better?" "Well," says St. Peter, "you have to realize that the Titanic only crashed once. And furthermore, when the Titanic crashed, people prayed. Every time Windows crashes, they curse."

Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2008 - Elwood, Indiana - AP Twenty-two years after graduating from high school, Angie Collins is now her former English teacher's favorite student. Collins, 40, donated her kidney this week to Darren Paquin, who teaches English at Elwood Community High School, where she graduated back in 1986. Collins' husband, Dean, said she offered Paquin one of her kidneys after she learned that Paquin was experiencing kidney failure. ''She knew she wanted to do it and she knew she was supposed to,'' he said. Collins, a mother of three, and Paquin underwent the transplant surgery Tuesday at Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis. http://www.happynews.com/news/592008/wo ... eacher.htm

A patient mentions his concerns to his doctor during his annual physical. "Isn't there some kind of memory medicine you can give me?" he asks. "I'm getting terribly forgetful. I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" "Pay me in advance," the doctor, says.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Washing Delicate Crystal or China If you are washing delicate dishes in your sink, line the bottom of the sink with a bath towel before filling it. This will protect your crystal and china from getting chipped on the hard sink bottom. Never use your dishwasher, it is just too harsh and dishes shift around. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips About Dishes By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Dishes_296_310.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Desert wildflowers
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Gossipy firewall 



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Good Morning,  !
Monday,  May 12, 2008

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent. --- Robert Copeland I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Baby burrowing owls in the evening sun
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eugene L. Huseman from Santa Barbara Possibly drunk judge reverses law? May 11, 2008 - Kern County, California - The Bakersfield Californian Thanks to Ross for this submission. A second-degree murder charge against a woman in an alcohol related traffic death was dismissed Thursday at her preliminary hearing. The dismissal, however, will be challenged in future hearings in Kern County Superior Court, the prosecutor said. Visiting Judge Eugene L. Huseman from Santa Barbara said a declaration defendant Donna Brinkman signed was not enough evidence by itself to justify a murder charge. About two months before the 44-year-old Brinkman struck and killed a 78 year old pedestrian in McKittrick, she signed a court acknowledgment in a misdemeanor drunken driving case that she could be charged with murder if she killed someone while driving drunk. The acknowledgments have been required in drunken driving cases since 2005. Second-degree murder can be filed in a traffic death if a defendant is aware that what he or she is doing is inherently dangerous and does so anyway with “a conscious disregard for human life,” a 1982 law says. The judge said there was no evidence Brinkman had a malevolent heart and there was no evidence suggesting she had done anything other than drive down Highway 33 under the influence of alcohol. Instead, the judge ordered Brinkman to stand trial on felony charges of vehicular manslaughter and drunken driving, as well as a misdemeanor count of driving on a suspended license. Huseman lowered Brinkman’s bail from $250,000 to $50,000. Despite the ruling on the murder charge, Deputy District Attorney Nicholas Lackie said he will file a murder charge against her before her May 21 arraignment. http://www.bakersfield.com/hourly_news/ ... 39500.html ------------------ Sounds like that judge has one of those statements on file himself, and is trying to set a precedent for when he kills someone while driving drunk. He clearly demonstrated that he does not uphold the spirit and the intent of the law, but tries to break it just as much as any criminal.
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: Gossipy Firewall Dear Webby: I have a new laptop (Dell) and use Trend Micro for my virus protector. About 5-6 times a day, I get a notice from Trend Micro that other computers are trying to log onto my computer. The form comes up & I click on 'do not trust' and then click on close. Why is this happening? Thanks for your response. You always answer my computer questions so I can understand the reason. Rosalie Dear Rosalie Sounds like you told the firewall to notify you every time someone tries to log on. Normally that is set to "block and ignore". I am not familiar with Trend Micro, but I would bet that they too have a setting for making the firewall less gossipy. Random log-on attempts are normal, that is why we use firewalls. They are not attacks on you personally, just robot scripts checking one IP number after the other, trying to find those that are not protected by firewalls. If you use a wireless router, then it is even worse. Most laptops continuously scan for usable connections and everybody driving by with a laptop on their back seat will cause a ping. It's not a big deal, since they don't have a password to log on and will be out of range in seconds anyway. Just set the firewall to block and ignore, and don't worry about it. Have FUN! DearWebby

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men are: they're a bunch of liars.

Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2008 - Des Moines, Iowa - The Storm Lake Times A blind Iowa man scored a perfect 300 game at the Century Lanes bowling alley on Saturday. Dale Davis, 78, of Alta, called the game "quite a thrill." He rolled 12 back-to-back strikes, the first-ever perfect game at the Century Lanes. Excitement throughout the building grew as the crowd watched Davis roll ball after ball down the lanes. "When I got to the tenth frame, I said ‘Lord, let me throw three more good balls,’ Davis said. Davis had given up his passion for the sport after losing his sight to macular degeneration years ago. His sister brought him back to the lanes, where he now plays six games a week. “I can’t see the lane or the pins and have a heck of a time finding my ball sometimes,” Davis said. He finds the raised dots lining the lanes and then relies on his hearing and friends to tell him how well he did. Davis sports a 188 average and said he hopes to score another perfect game when he's 90, The Times reported. http://www.kcci.com/sports/16201286/detail.html

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse", and he charged them $32.00. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She has a gossipy sister on an extended visit in her apartment, so we can't go to there. I have too many noisy grandkids running around my place and so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00. The Hilton charges $78.00. We do it here for $32.00 and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Training Wheels on a Wheelbarrow The other day at a farm, I saw a wheelbarrow with bicycle training wheels on it. It wouldn't turn quite as sharply around corners but it was much more difficult to tip over. A good way to reuse those training wheels your kid has outgrown. Visit ThriftyFun For More Reusing Ideas By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Livin ... _2814.html Two-wheeled yard carts are often lighter than wheelbarrows, and cheaper. Those with tall wheels roll even easier than regular wheel barrows. For small chores a seed/fertilizer spreader works just as well. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket when he got tossed into the water.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Demotivators
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, is Vista safer than XP? 



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Good Morning,  !
Sunday,  May 11, 2008

Happy Mothers Day!

"All I am I owe to my mother." --- George Washington "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." --- W.R. Wallace "God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers." --- Jewish Proverb "A mother is she who can take the place of all others." --- Cardinal Mermillod "A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest." --- Irish proverb "A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes." --- Robert Frost "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." --- Homer Simpson "To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language." --- Arlene Benedict "My mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the pope.' Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso." --- Pablo Picasso
Little Johnny was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. Little Johnny said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait...."
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This common reaction to Vista is not the recommended way to uninstall it. However, if you choose this method, check first to see where your car is parked.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Government of Estonia Fart tax May 10, 2008 - Estonia - Ananova Estonian authorities have slapped a flatulence tax on farmers to compensate the country for the methane gas produced by cows. Farmers this week received their first 'fart tax' demands asking them to pay for the greenhouse gases their cattle produce. A single cow is thought to produce on average 350 litres of methane and 1,500 litres of carbon dioxide per day from flatulence and burping. It is thought that cattle are responsible for up to 25 per cent of methane gas emissions in Estonia. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2846457.html?menu= It seems that the Estonian gene pool needs a LOT more chlorine! Anybody who elects idiots like that, should never have been allowed out of the hog pen.
A bus load of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech, "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what the ...... are you doing?" yelled the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help mother with the dishes for this week."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ernest Re: Is Vista safer than XP Dear Webby: Microsoft claims that Vista is 60% safer than XP, and some magazines claim that Vista is up to 30% safer. Is that true, or just paid advertising? What would YOU recommend for a new office machine? Ernest Dear Ernest Horse apples are 100% safer, but I would not use them for computing either. If you have a $4000 machine with a Quad core CPU and 8 GB of RAM, and can actually run Vista with all the security in it turned on, it probably would indeed be safer. But you would not get any real work done. In real life people turn all or most of the Vista security burden off, so that it is not acting like it is on the verge of stalling or crashing. In that mode, Vista is actually very unsafe. It makes no difference what a machine or OS will do in the lab, if the conditions are not the same as on your desk. You can consider those claims as paid advertising. In real life, a machine, that is used strictly for business and not for venturing onto dubious sites, Windows 2000 is actually the safest, closely followed by XP. Vista is not good enough for the office, since everything takes so much longer. You would have to increase your staff hours and maybe even hire extra staff. You CAN buy XP computers, or you can buy a cheap, subsidized Vista computer plus XP-SP2 on CD, and just exorcise Vista off it when you get it home. However, if the machine is strictly for business, then you might as well put Linux on it. It is free, it is fast, and it is reliable. Just like with UNIX, with Linux you are not in the target path of the viruses, worms and malware. That is all written for Windows and Mac. Even if you are not going to Linux just yet, keep an open mind about it. Vista 2 won't be smaller and faster, and Windows 8 won't be out for many years yet. They don't even know yet, who to blame that one on. Have FUN! DearWebby

While looking for mother related jokes, I came across this letter from GD from Dec 3, 2000: ==from GDB Hi Webby Would you believe that my mothers email program awarded the Humor Letter THREE red peppers for "naughty language" ? We had a hoot going through it with a fine tooth comb trying to find what was naughty in it and the closest we came was this: == "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. == So, Dear Webby, better be careful about this "cruelty to potatoes" stuff. Otherwise PETA will go after you and protest in front of your office! They had a topless PETA protest in Tucson last week and it caused quite a big car pile-up. ====GDB===

Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2008 - China - Ananova A 72-year-old Chinese man walked more than 600 miles to visit his son in prison. The man walked for 71 days from his hometown at Taihe town, Anhui province, to the prison at Lianping town, Guangdong province. The pensioner, whose name was not disclosed, had planned to take the train but had his savings stolen shortly after leaving home. The father, who walks with a stick, says he begged all the way, and sometimes ate rotten food from bins during his two month journey. "I didn't see him for two years. I am here to visit him and tell him not to worry about me and transform himself for good, while in prison," he said. Prison wardens were so touched by his story that they even bent the rules to allow him to see his son. "We usually need the visitor to show us his ID card, but his was stolen along with the money," said warden Liu Guanghui. The son, Xie Fei, revealed that his father is actually is his adoptive father, as his real parents died when he was ten. "He adopted me and loves me very much, but I have nothing to repay all this," said Xie. His father made the return journey home in much less time - after wardens clubbed together to buy him a train ticket. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2845254.html?menu=

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wilted Lettuce You can often recover wilted lettuce by soaking it in ice cold water with a few drops of lemon juice or vinegar. Place it in the fridge for about an hour and it should be much more crisp. This also works for carrots, celery and other vegetables. Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Fixes By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_939.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher, Miss Figpot, decided to stop by Little Johnny's house on her way home. She wanted to discuss Johnny's poor performance directly with his parents. When she rang the door bell, Little Johnny answered. "Hello Johnny, I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said. "Sorry, but they ain't here." He replied. "Johnny!" She said, "what is it with your grammar?" "Haven't got a clue," Johnny replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Golden Gate Bridge
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, is SP3 really necessary? 



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Good Morning,  !
Saturday,  May 10, 2008

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners. --- Ernst Jan Plugge There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. --- Steven Wright
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
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Thanks to Sandie for an update on the wild ducks that have adopted her yard. These are from the duckings she showed us a few weeks ago.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patti, 26, of West Islip, NY Future Darwin Award Winner May 6, 2008 - Copiague, New York - AP A Long Island man who flipped his finger at a police cruiser and then popped a wheelie on his motorcycle is recovering from injuries after crashing. Suffolk County Police said Frank Patti, 26, of West Islip, rode by the police car at a service station in Copiague at 7:30 p.m. Sunday. Police say Patti made an obscene gesture to two officers in the car, popped a wheelie and then sped away. Police gave chase. When the motorcycle turned into a parking lot it crashed into a police car that had joined the chase. Police said Patti was treated for minor injuries at Southside Hospital. He's charged with fleeing police, resisting arrest and several traffic violations. He was being held for arraignment Monday. Police did not know if he had an attorney. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080505/ap_ ... ycle_chase
The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our unmentionables with leaves . . . "
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marnie Re: Is SP3 necessary? Dear Webby: Is that SP3 really necessary, or is it actually poisoning XP to force us to go to Vista sooner? Marnie Dear Marnie Just because you are paranoid, that doesn't mean they are not out to get you! If you have all the automatic ug fixes and patches, you do NOT need SP3. There are no new goodies in it. However, there is one landmine hidden in it. If you install SP3, you won't be able to revert to IE6, if you have accidentally let IE7 slip in. Personally, I am skipping SP3, just like I am skipping Vista. By the way, you can still buy XP-SP2. Microsoft is still selling it to vendors for $50, but because of the tremendous demand for it, some of them now charge around $200 for it. If you find a reasonably ethical dealer, it would probably be a very good idea to invest in a spare XP-SP2 for your next machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!

Deeli's Kudos May 7, 2008 - San Diego, California - UPI U.S. border authorities in the U.S. Southwest detain immigrants trying to sneak into and now out of the country, officials say. U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers established random checkpoints along the Tijuana-San Diego border and are arresting departing Mexicans who lack proper identification papers. "If our officers come upon people who are here illegally . . . regardless of whether they're leaving the country, we detain them, make a record of the fact they were here illegally and return them to Mexico," customs agency spokesman Vincent Bond said. "Whether people are coming or going . . . checkpoints are just another line of defense that targets illegal behavior," a spokesman for U.S. Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif., said. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-344310-945992

In the Ozarks, there was a mountaineer that was reputed to have the best hunting dog ever, by the name of Co-pilot. Three city folks went up in the mountains and wanted to rent him. "Good huntin dog, gonna cost ya $50.00 a day." They agreed, and three days later came back with the limit. The next year they came back. "Co-pilot got better, gonna cost ya $75.00 a day." Again they agreed, and 2 days later came back with the limit. The third year they came back and told the mountaineer they had to have Co-pilot, even if it cost $100.00 a day. "You can have the worthless mutt for $5.00 a day, and I'm overcharging you $4.00." "But we don't understand, what happened to him?" "Well, a crew from that there air base in Okaloosa County Florida come up and rented him. One of them idiots called him pilot, and he's been sitting on his butt, just barking, ever since."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Your Cover, Not Your Clothes, When Ironing It will spread out the moisture more evenly. Or, toss wrinkled clothing into a dryer with a damp towel for a few minutes before ironing. Instead of using the sprayer in your iron, use a spray bottle. A spray bottle on mist offers you much more control when applying water. Visit ThriftyFun For More Laundry Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was doing a study of children's senses in a first-grade class using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave the children all the same kind of Lifesaver and asked them, "What is the flavor, and what color is it?" The children began to say, "Red . . . cherry . . . yellow . . lemon . .. lime. . . green . . . orange . . . orange." Finally, he gave them all honey Lifesavers. The children suck on them for a while, but can't decipher the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother would call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out, and yelled: "Everybody spit it out, they're *********!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: First Science Photo Gallery
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: IE7 Blocker 



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Good Morning,  !
Friday,  May 9, 2008
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!




It takes two to quarrel, but only one to end it. --- Spanish Proverb The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. --- Helen Rowland
Thanks to Sandie for this story: We are fortunate our grandchildren live close by and visit us often. When our seven-year-old granddaughter, Morgan, comes over, she loves to watch her grandmother when she is baking. "Oma," she asked one day, "where did you learn how to cook?" She told her that she learned from her mother and passed on the knowledge to her daughter. Someday, she continued, her mother will pass the knowledge on to her. There was a short silence. "No, I don't think so," Morgan said. "Mom puts everything in the microwave."
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Thanks to Sue for this picture from above the clouds in the Canadian Rockies. No global warming here either. Right now it is snowing outside the Webby office.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Austrian Rugby team Not sore loosers Submitted by Arturas May 8, 2008 - Vilnius, Austria - Reuters The Austrian national rugby team tried to get over their 48-0 defeat by Lithuania by staging a mass striptease in the capital Vilnius late on Saturday, only to find they had been caught on video and put on the Internet. The video, put out by a blogger on social community website Virb (http:/www.virb.com/justafa/blog/701053) and then taken up by the Lithuanian news portal Delfi, showed a group of 20 men singing and stripping off their clothes on a street in central Vilnius, while people in a nearby bar clapped and cheered. "Yes, these were the men we played against on Saturday ... I guess the defeat could have prompted them to do that," Lithuanian rugby federation President Aleksandras Makarenka told Reuters. Delfi quoted the Vilnius police chief as saying stripping in public could be considered an act of hooliganism -- but by then the Austrian team had gone home. http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEno ... ddlyenough
Thanks to Walter for this one: Four insurance companies are in competition. One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave." The Second one tries to improve on that with, Coverage from the womb to the tomb." Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm." The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the erection to the resurrection."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Teresa Re: IE7 Blocker Dear Webby: A thousand - no, make that a million - thanks to you for the time and effort you invest in this newsletter. I look forward to it every day. In today's Tech Support response, you said: Just make sure you got your IE7 blocker in place, so that they can't slither that in on you. I would love to know what the "IE7 blocker" is; I've not been downloading updates because I don't want it to "slither in". If you published this info in a previous letter, I must have missed it somehow. Thank you. ~Teresa~ Dear Teresa The IE7 blocker blocks the automatic updates from including IE7. It's not that Microsoft listened to what people want, apparently the military demanded the blocker. You can get the IE7 blocker in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Here is a direct link to it: http://webby.com/tools.html#guard (It will be right at the top) Have FUN! DearWebby

Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter returned in May. "I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth said. "It sure does," said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. "Here it is: rear defrosters."

Deeli's Kudos May 8, 2008 - Ottawa, Ontario - Gimundo Everyone feels a little friendlier on a Friday afternoon. But on April 25th, more than 12,000 students, teachers, and parents from 10 Ottawa-area high schools took their T.G.I.F. joy to the next level, joining together in a supersized group hug that spanned a circle around the city's Rideau Canal. It wasn't just the elation of another week coming to an end that brought the group together, though: The major-league hug was an attempt to break a Guinness World Record, and a fundraiser to collect more than $150,000 for several Ottawa nonprofit organizations. In 2004, the city first broke the record for world's biggest hug with 5,100; but after being beaten by a group of amorous Americans, they decided to reclaim their title this year. They're still waiting on verification from Guinness, but it seems like a sure thing that Ottawa will be back on top this time. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/1 ... _Group_Hug

Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of her insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency. During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies. What will I get?" The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add It Up Buying a latte and eating lunch out costs about $10 a day, that adds up to $2,600 a year. If you brought it from home, you could save as much as $2,000 a year. The same goes for eating out at night. Multiply the average cost by 52 for the yearly cost (don't forget to include the tip and tax). Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have. Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale! 'Tis too good to part with."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: German castles
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, is SP3 safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  May 8, 2008

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that." As she re-attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rich Moyle and the North Lauderdale City Commission Divide the state, double the cost May 7, 2008 - North Lauderdale, Florida - South Florida Sun-Sentinel Thanks to Kathie for this submission One city commission wants to divide Florida into two states: North Florida and South Florida. The North Lauderdale City Commission says in a resolution that it's not confident in state leaders when it comes to collecting and spending their own money. It also says it would be "in the best interests of the citizens and residents" to divide the state. Commissioner Rich Moyle says they're frustrated with the state Legislature "ignoring the cities in South Florida." But he acknowledges the idea likely won't pass. When asked Tuesday about the resolution, Governor Charlie Crist could only muster up a laugh. Meanwhile, other municipalities and counties are being asked to join in the resolution. The boundary line would be from Palm Beach County down through Monroe County.
A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda (and many others) Re: Is SP3 safe? Dear Webby M$ is trying to download SP3 into my computer. Is it safe? Brenda Dear Brenda Yes, SP3 seems to be quite safe. It's just a collection of the bug fixes and security patches that have been released since SP2, just in case you missed any automatic updates. There are no new goodies, that might tempt you to hold off with Vista even a minute longer. It's just a grudingly released collection of fixes. Just make sure you got your IE7 blocker in place, so that they can't slither that in on you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Scorpio for this story: Two Québecois businessmen in Trois-Rivières were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.' No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Newfie walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Newfie accent asked 'What might ye be sellin' here?' One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling morons.' Without skipping a beat, the Newfie said, 'You're doing well ... only two left!'

Deeli's Kudos May 7, 2008 - Northport, New York - Gimundo Alia Sabur, a math and physics professor from Northport, New York, is only 19 years old and the youngest college professor in history. This girl genius caught the education bug early in life. She was reading by 8 months of age, and had finished elementary school by 5 – right around the time when her peers were entering kindergarten. By the age of 14, she'd graduated summa cum laude with a degree in applied mathematics from Stonybrook University, which she followed with an M.S. and a Ph.D in materials science and engineering from Drexel University. Three days before her 19th birthday, Sabur landed a teaching job as a college professor at Konkuk University in Seoul, South Korea. The position is set to start next month, but until then, she's practicing her lecture skills at Southern University in New Orleans, where she's teaching math and physics. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/1 ... _Professor

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to New York . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live in New York on $800 a year.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Wallets and Purses Clean out your wallet or purse at least once a week. File important receipts and business cards that you have collected and don't carry anything that you don't need. If you are carrying your wallet in your back pocket, the thinner it is, the easier it is on your back when you sit down. Visit ThriftyFun For More Clutter Control Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_680.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While I was preaching at a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said. "Behind a few bars and always looking for the key."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: US Gas Prices by Zip Code
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: No Kudos for Best Buy 



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Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  May 7, 2008

Sorry about the problems getting to the sites or seeing pictures
yesterday morning. We were under attack and it took until noon
to fight it off. 


It is not the place, nor the condition, but the mind alone that can make anyone happy or miserable. -– Roger L'Estrange
Thanks to Dave for bringing back this delightful classic: A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the presenters were many well-known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was another man's wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try and use that joke in his sermon. As he approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was another man's wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
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Thanks to Verna for this picture: ...believe it was on Blevins Trail at Usery Mountain Regional Park Verna
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a teenager in Westchester County, New York Painfull Lesson May 6, 2008 - Westchester County, New York - AP Thanks to Ross for this submission. A Westchester County teenager is facing a long list of charges after allegedly trying to rob two men and finding out they were undercover police officers. Yonkers police said the officers were in their unmarked car, doing overnight surveillance work, when Michael Garcia, 19, reached into the driver-side window, grabbed an officer and demanded money. Police said the two officers got out of the car. They say the unarmed suspect punched and kicked them while trying to avoid arrest. After the fight, all three men were treated at hospitals. Garcia is charged with attempted robbery, assault and resisting arrest. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/436000.html
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to kati for this story: Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?" They draw straws. Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me." Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife. "I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Many Re: Bad Deals at Best Buy Dear Webby, It's a shame when there is a big name Company and we put our trust in them only to learn another lesson. A friend of mine had a similar situation with Best Buy. They must send the Best Buy Geeks on the road and leave inexpercienced and salespersons to attend to Computer problems. They told my friend that he had a memory problem and he was better off buying a new Computer. He bought a new Computer. He finally called me because his old Computer wouldn't boot. When I opended his Computer they put the Master drive in line with the CD and the slave as the Master without changing the jumpers. I'm glad that Mare wrote you with his problem with Best Buy and that you took the time too respond. I'am also 65 yrs and we never stop learning. Take Care Robert Robert's letter was only one of many. There was not one single letter in defense of BestBuy. Overall, it seems that Best Buy is best avoided, when it comes to anything more technical than an extension cord. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Martin for this story: An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two teenage boys in line behind him. They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem. With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?" The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I messed with your mother, she gave me a cookie."

Deeli's Kudos I'd like to call this one a Kudo to the courts !!! Deeli May 6, 2008 - Fort Worth, Texas - AP Thanks to Ross for this submission. A Texas woman who caused her lover's shooting death by falsely crying rape was convicted Friday of involuntary manslaughter. Tracy Denise Roberson, 37, cried a bit when the verdict was announced. The punishment phase was set for Monday, and she faces two to 20 years in prison. In late 2006, Darrell Roberson came home from a late-night card game to find his scantily clad wife with another man in a pickup truck in the driveway. Tracy Roberson was with her lover but cried rape, and her husband fired four shots into the truck as Devin LaSalle drove off, killing him. Darrell Roberson initially was arrested, but a murder charge was later dropped and a grand jury indicted Tracy Roberson instead. During her three-day trial, defense attorneys called no witnesses but blamed LaSalle's death on Darrell Roberson's jealousy and rage. But prosecutors placed all the blame on Tracy Roberson, showing evidence of the affair with LaSalle, 32, and a text message in which she invited him to her house that evening. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080503/ap_ ... lHQl1H2ocA

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet, my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "How will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rain Checks If a store runs out of an item that is on sale, ask them for a rain check. Rain checks allow you to pay the sale price for the item at a later date. If the store can't give you a rain check, take the ad to a competitor to see if they will price match. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: "That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend." "I know, but I don't hold any grudges." "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her." "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double." "Wow! Is that true?" "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Albuquerque N.M
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, bad deal at Best Buy 



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Good Morning,  !
Tuesday,  May 6, 2008

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. --- Chinese Proverb In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. --- Napoleon Bonaparte
hanks to Cookie for this: A handful of 7 year old children were asked ' what they thought of beer.' Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching ........................... 7 year old Tim- ' I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.' 7 year old Mellanie - ' Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. 7 year old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.' 7 year old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.' 7 year old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much. 7 year old Lilly - ' My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.' 7 year old Ethan - ' I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbeque and they taste disgusting.' 7 year old Shirley - ' I give Dad's beer to the Dog and he goes to sleep.' 7 year old Jack - ' My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'
More kid stuff, this time from Scorpio TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : N o , sir. It's the same dog.
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Thanks to Robert for this picture: Dear Webby, Thanks for sharing your Travels. Here is a picture of Hickman Bridge in Capital Reef National Park,Utah. Many thanks to your Humor Letter, advice, jokes and travels. Take Care Robert
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Tennessee Prison Officials Help Wanted: New Prison Officials May 4, 2008 - Nashville, Tennessee - UPI A convicted murderer, inadvertently released from a Tennessee prison in April, was apprehended Saturday in Atlanta. Edgar Bailey Jr., 35, was released April 22 from the South Central Correctional Facility in Clifton, Tenn., as a result of a clerical error, said Tennessee Corrections Department spokeswoman Dorinda Carter. Prison officials caught the mistake one week later and added Bailey to the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation's 10 Most Wanted List. Bailey was imprisoned for premeditated murder and felony murder in the 2001 death of Anthony McAfee in Chattanooga, Tenn. The premeditated murder conviction was overturned on appeal but Bailey still faced life in prison on the felony murder charge. "Somewhere in this decision it looks like we may have overlooked the fact that the other count of murder was affirmed," Carter said. "We made a mistake in calculating the sentence and understanding the court's order." Bailey was apprehended at this father's house in Georgia Saturday morning. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-342686-919025
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to Ruby for this groaner: When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body', while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!' The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Interns thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.' The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme 'wouldn't hold water'. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some Ass**** in administration.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mare Re: Took by Best Buy Dear Webby, I had Word installed on my last computer and when the motherboard fired, I had to replace my computer. The geeks at Best Buy said they installed the old hard drive in my new computer but that this new HP came preloaded with Vista. I am 65 years old, computer illiterate and very frustrated. I found my old files, but how do I get (or can I get) the programs such as Word back? I truly hate Vista and time isn't making it easier for me to figure it out. My old Word disc was for a business and it's about 5 years old. Would it be safe to load that onto my new computer? I cannot afford to pay for it again! Thanks for helping me in any way you can. Mare in Md. Dear Mare That makes me mad! It sounds like the bozos at BestBuy lied to you. If they had put your old hard drive into the machine, like you had ordered, it would be running XP and everything the old machine ran, not Vista. Insist on getting what you paid for, and offer to stuff that useless Vista up their butts. Don't take any guff from those lying bozos! You didn't really need a new computer in the first place. Any neighborhood whiz kid could have replaced the motherboard for $100 - $150 plus a hot meal. It takes 5 minutes to order one, and 5 to 10 minutes to swap the board. I have had motherboards replaced, and it's not a big deal. Just like with changing keyboards or power supplies, it does NOT affect the programs or operating system that you have on your hard drive. Give 'em hell, and know that tens of thousands of readers are on YOUR side and rooting for you! Back up your word files before you take that machine back, just in case the bozos mess up even more. By the way, I use DELL computers with next day on-site repair/ replace warranty. When a motherboard fries, and with the hard use I put on them, they do seem to fry when they get about 3 years old, I contact DELL, pull the machine out to where it is easy to work on, and vacuum out the dust bunnies. Next day a contractor working for Dell shows up, marvels at how clean the machine is, and 3 minutes later it's running again. It usually takes me twice as long to shove it back into it's usual place and connect all the cables. Replacing the motherboard has never had any effect whatsoever on the Operating System or programs, not like changing the mouse, which usually requires running the included install CD. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Sandie for this story: My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. She looked disappointed. "That dance was that important to you?"

Deeli's Kudos May 5, 2008 - Pleasanton, California - AP Safeway Inc. today announced a program that enables its customers to cash their government economic stimulus checks at Safeway, receive a store discount and still have flexibility to choose how to spend the funds. The offer is good at all Safeway and Safeway-owned stores, including Vons, Pavilions, Randalls, Tom Thumb, Carrs, Dominick's, Genuardi's and Pak 'n Save. Beginning May 14, just as the stimulus checks arrive in mailboxes, all Safeway and Safeway-owned stores will cash the stimulus checks for free and give Club Card customers a 10 percent discount certificate good on their purchases that day or the following day. "We are pleased to offer this no-cost check cashing service and to provide customers with an extra discount to help stretch these funds farther," said Safeway Chairman, President and CEO Steve Burd. " Customers who are interested in this offer should present their stimulus check, government-issued ID and a Safeway Club Card at their local store's Customer Service center from May 14, 2008 through July 19, 2008. The program is limited to one offer per household. Further details of the program will be available in store and on the Safeway website. http://www.happynews.com/news/552008/sa ... checks.htm

Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it weighed 10 pounds!" Doug replied, "Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Boxing Up Items When Moving Pack everything that you can into boxes, original if possible. Linens, clothing and other soft items can be packed into bags, boxes or luggage. Use blank newsprint for packing your nicest items to prevent newspaper ink from transferring onto belongings. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Rubye for this story: It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9 PM he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon. I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding." She said, "Don't be silly. You can't give a sermon about horseback riding." He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of." The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this. You know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service." He said, "OK, then, suit yourself," so she stayed in the car. Entering church, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hell-fire and brimstone sermon on SEX that had the congregation in awe. As the congregation filed out of the church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her. One of them said, "Wow! You just missed the best sermon your husband has ever given. ' She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it? He talks big, but he's only tried it twice in his life. Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Naturmobil - A One Horse Dea
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Dear Webby: Sound Solution 



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Good Morning,  !
Monday,  May 5, 2008

People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust. --- E. B. White
Continuing the trip. From Hurricane to St George and brunch at Denny's was an easy Sunday morning start. After that a few precise turns, that made me glad I printed out the google map before the trip, and we were on Old Highway 91. There is very little traffic on that highway, just a few people wo want to avoid the Utah Port Of Entry weigh station and occasional vehicle inspection station. There had been a wildfire in the area since I last drove through. It was recovering nicely, but sure looked different. The hillsides were dotted with Indian Paintbrush Click on the thumbnail for the big picture Click on the thumbnail for the big picture Click on the thumbnail for the big picture and yellow flowering bushes. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture Cacti and flowers were in full color, often within a few steps of the highway. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture Old US 91 returns to the freeway in Beaver Dan/Littlefield in the Arizona Strip, the rugged little left top corner of Arizona you go through from Utah to Nevada. The I-15 is fast, and thanks to everybody ignoring speed limits, not too crowded. If everybody obeyed the speed limits, it would be bumper to bumper traffic and a real nuisance. We turned off it at Exit 93 and wove our way through some sleepy little towns down to the Valley Of Fire state park. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture that park has very nice pavement running between beautiful, rugged orange mountains. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture There was surprisingly little traffic, considering it was a Sunday and how close to Las Vegas it is. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture The return to Las Vegas was easy as usual. I avoid the nutty confusion and high prices downtown, and always stay at the 1000 Main Street Hotel in North Las Vegas. It is economically priced, has fast wireless Internet, a restaurant and a pool, they are generous about the coffee for the coffee machine in the room, and the staff are all long term employees. Not just the front desk people recognize me, but even the Mexican ladies that clean the rooms. Here is the view from the room I usually get for starting and ending a desert safari. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture Well, that winds up a beautiful trip. Next years trip will be a loop through Death Valley, Big Bear Lake, Joshua Tree Park, Organpipe Park, Tombstone, Bisbee, Lordsburg, Silver City, Eagar, Sho Low, Flagstaff, Grand Canyon, Prescott, Bagdad, Hoover Dam and back to Las Vegas. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this story: A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Señora, the gardener did." She got the raise.
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Thanks to Deeli for this story: Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you... then we made love all night long." The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night." The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Indonesian Government Perks for mass murderers May 1, 2008 - Jakarta, Indonesia - UPI A married man on death row in Indonesia for the 2002 Bali bombings has been cleared to remarry his ex-wife, authorities say. The convicted terrorist bomber, who goes by the single name Amrozi, is facing a death sentence for murdering 202 people. However, the Indonesian government has approved his request to remarry his first wife, Siti Rohma, whom he divorced in 1987 after two years of marriage, PerthNow reported Thursday. Amrozi, 45, who is still married to his second wife, Astuti, whom he wed in 1988, will not be allowed a honeymoon or conjugal visit following the marriage ceremony, reportedly set for May 12, Jukarta officials have said. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-341360-552807
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An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off into the middle of a nearby pond. Walking over to a local, who was sitting beside the pond, the tourist asked, "Say, son, how deep is this pond?" "Oh, only a few inches," replied the local. After taking his shoes off and rolling his trousers up over his knees, the tourist stepped into the pond to retrieve his hat and, within a few seconds, was completely submerged in the water. Swimming out to the middle of the pond he finally reached his hat, and then struggled back to edge. Climbing out, he turned to the local and screamed, "Hey you, I thought you said that pond was only a few inches deep!" "Well," shrugged the local, "the water only comes half way up that duck over there."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Sound Dear Webby, Have Loretta go to start, open Run, then type in dxdiag then hit OK and the Direct X Diagnostic tool window opens. There she then hits sound and it will check the sound for her then tell her what is wrong. The next page will tell her if it needs to be installed. And you are right, Belarc advisor does a complete inventory of your machine. You recommended it to me long ago and it is fantastic! Everyone should have it on their desktop! Jaye Dear Jaye Thans for your valuable advice! Have FUN! DearWebby

I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"

Deeli's Kudos May 1, 2008 - Kalamazoo, Michigan - UPI An 83-year-old woman who set out after retirement to earn a college degree has graduated from Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, Mich. Ruth Stoeffler said she began her college career in 1995, shortly after the death of her husband, and took a wide variety of classes during the ensuing 13 years until she earned a bachelor's degree in social science studies, the Detroit Free Press reported. "I was by myself and had to do something," she said. "I wanted something interesting and challenging and fun ... I thought, 'I'm going to get myself a diploma from a university.'" Stoeffler, who walked down the aisle with classmates at the university's graduation ceremony during the weekend, told the Free Press she doesn't intend to use her degree to start a new career but she said she would like to parlay her knowledge and experience into volunteer work. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Thanks to Sandie for this story: My husband seems to feel one should get their money's worth out of a vacation. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to frolic every minute or not, but once, while I was sitting in a beach chair on the sand, he came out of the surf and said, "This is costing us $300 a day and you sit there reading a book?!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Kids To Put Their Clothes Away Make sure the child doesn't have more clothing that there is space to store it and establish drawers and locations where things should go. You can even label where things should go with words, drawings or photos. Give them their own basket and have them put their own clothing away. Visit ThriftyFun For More Children's Organizational Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Ch ... 9_677.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother's home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn't strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them. "Don't look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn't figure out how to undo this stupid clip!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Cat Diary
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Weby: No sound 



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Good Morning,  !
Sunday,  May 4, 2008

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." --- Eleanor Roosevelt Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather
Continuing the trip. After a day of catching up and cussing at Vista, which makes all work take many times longer, we drove from Hurricane through Quail Creek Park and then, mostly on the old highway parallel to the I-15 Freeway through pretty and slow towns to Cedar City. From there we went West through rather casual farm land to Newcastle, then down to Enterprise, Central, Veyo, Dammeron and then turned right into Snow Canyon Park. Almost missed the little sign, but I knew where the turn-off is and was looking for it. Snow Canyon Park seems to be almost a secret. The park road has been freshly paved recently and most of it is downhill. You can quietly coast through the magnificent scenery. Usually mid April is best, but because of the late season this year, late April was perfect. There was color everywhere! Not just the red and orange sediment rocks and black volcanic rocks, Volcanic rocks on top of orange sediment rock Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. but cacti and flowers blooming all over the place. Dad found some Engelman cacti Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. There is even a small sand dune desert with pinkish-orange coral sand! Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. Eventually we came down to St George and capped a beautiful day with Banana Splits at Denny's before heading back to Hurricane. The Days Inn in Hurricane is an excellent deal. It creaked a bit and the doors occasionally rattled a bit in the strong winds, not enough to worry, but more a humorous reminder of why the town got the name Hurricane. Table and chairs are as mismatched as in 99 % of US hotels and you need the plexiglass sheet, that I described often enough, to jam into the dresser drawer for a laptop table at comfortable height, but the wireless DSL is fast and doesn't drop off. If you want to spend some time in the parks all around there, I can highly recommend it as a base. With on-line reservation it's under $50 per night. OK, enough for today. More tomorrow.
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"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" - Ronnie Shakes
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a city worker in Kinokawa, Japan Speed Porno Watching Thanks to Walter for this submission. May 3, 2008 - Tokyo, Japan - AP A Japanese civil servant was demoted for logging more than 780,000 hits on pornographic Web sites on his office computer over nine months, an official said Friday. The man, a Kinokawa city government employee in western Japan, visited porn sites from June 2007 to February 2008, city official Tomiko Waki said. The man's name was withheld. Despite his frequent porn viewing, none of his colleagues noticed his activities, which he apparently conducted throughout the workday. "Each desk is set apart from each other," Waki said, adding that the man logged 170,000 hits on porn sites in July alone. The man's supervisors discovered his extensive porn site visits after his computer became infected with a virus, prompting officials to examine his Web browser's history. Along with the demotion, he received a 20,000 yen ($190) monthly pay cut, Waki said. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/japan_internet_porn
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Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture. She figures her new van will reduce her gas expenses.
Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. Being a good foot taller than her, he tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades... SOMEBODY is going to get a spanking."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Loretta Re: No sound I had a computer crash a couple of months ago and I had to reload everything. I thought I had but I have no sound. What have I not done or what do I need to do? Loretta Dear Loretta Most likely something is not plugged in. Even without sound drivers for your specific sound card, the default built in sound should work. You can use Belarc Advisor from my toolbox at http://webby.com to do an inventory of the machine. It will tell you what kind of sound card you have. Then you can go onto the site of whoever made that sound card, and download the driver for it. But first check to make sure everything is plugged in and turned on. For example, I run my sound through a big ol BOOMbox instead of overpriced computer squeakers. However, even the slightest power failure turns the boom box off. Then I have to hike over to it and hit the power button on it to get sound again. Have FUN! DearWebby

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate history."

Deeli's Kudos May 2, 2008 - Havana, Cuba - AP Cubans are getting wired. Computers went on sale to the general public on the communist island on Friday and potential consumers were lining up outside store windows to gawk and consider buying. President Raul Castro's government had authorized the sale of personal computers to average Cubans more than a month ago, but they were not made available until Friday. Computer sales are the latest of a series of measures Castro has taken to make life easier for ordinary Cubans. The new government also has erased bans on cell phones and luxury hotel room rentals, and has made it easier for state workers to own homes they once rented as part of their jobs. It also is letting more private farmers and cooperatives take a crack at putting fallow government land to better use. http://www.happynews.com/news/522008/co ... t-time.htm

The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treat Carpet Stains Immediately Treat spills quickly for the best chance of avoiding a stain. Much can be removed if you immediately blot with a towel. If you have kids, make sure they know that they need to tell you about spills immediately so they do not have time to set. Visit ThriftyFun For Carpet Cleaning Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Carpet_296_304.html Considering how cheap a small 2 Gallon Wet/Dry ShopVac is, (under $30) I would not squish stuff into the carpet by trying to blot it. Vacuum up what you can, then use a narrow spout watering can and warm, not hot, dishwater to flush the spill while continuing to vaccum. Use lots of water! Even the small ShopVac holds TWO gallons, and your watering can probably only holds a quart. The only drawback to this method is that you may wind up with a patch that is embarrassingly cleaner than the rest of the carpet. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Aerial Photography of Texas
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Der Webby: printing too small 



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Good Morning,  !
Saturday,  May 3, 2008

A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. --- Mahatma Gandhi
Continuing the trip. In the morning, while getting gas and smokes for the day, I saw a tumbleweed dancing in front of THE store, just like they used to be shown in the old Western movies. Naturally I ran back to the car to grab the camera. Escalante's future has not arrived yet, and some small houses are cheap enough that you might have room for them on your credit card. If you can stand the heat there in summer, it might be a beautiful place to retire to. The gas station does not sell cigarettes, but they sell vegetable bedding plants that they grow in a little plastic tarp greenhouse. After that we headed south through the awesome red rocks between Escalante and Bryce Park. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture Moss Cave trail was a fun half hour hike with plenty of opportunity to goof around admire impressive rock towers up close. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. That's my dad in that picture. From there it was fast and easy freeway cruising southward to Zion Park. Just like Bryce Canyon, Zion Park is by far the best in the evening sun. Wait until the hordes of tourists are parked somewhere and the sun is low on the horizon. That's when the colors and the contrasts really make it memorable. During mid day, this view would have been rather ho-hum: Click on the thumbnail for the big picture After the tunnel I looked for my favorite unicorn. Yep, still up there. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture You are seeing a zoom shot and double zoom of the insert, but I have often wondered how many Million people have driven by without seeing the unicorn. The same goes for "God's Face". That's not an official name. I just call it that. The first time I drove through Zion park, about 10 years ago, I didn't really know what "Zion" was about, but figured it was something religious. So, when I spotted that benevolently smiling face from the far distance, I gave it that name. These pictures are not fancy zoom shots, but taken at different locations. I shuffled them so that they are just the way you would see it, when driving through the park from West to East. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. Click on the thumbnail for the big picture. Hopefully some day one of you will tell me that you too have seen God's Face and the Unicorn. This s getting long. OK, enough for today. More tomorrow.
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: A young man was applying for a job with a big company. "I'm sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is over staffed. We have more employees now than we really need." "That's all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged. "The work I do is never noticed anyway."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kim Terry and Rhonda Levitt of Riverside County, Calif. Burro fashion April 16, 2008 - Los Angeles, California - UPI Residents of Riverside County, Calif., are hoping to save hundreds of wild burros by equipping the animals with reflective collars, a former rodeo rider says. Former rodeo rider Kim Terry says he and several neighbors think the reflective collars should make the animals more noticeable on busy roads at night, the Los Angeles Times reported. Rhonda Leavitt said the collars are made from cheap belts, but they're not meant as a fashion statement. "They don't care what they look like," she said. "And the belts reflect like you wouldn't believe." Leavitt, 50, told the Times the burros are at risk when dry weather prompts them to search out new sources of water. Riverside County Animal Control field services commander Rita Gutierrez told the Times the idea could save lives. "It's a clever idea and it certainly can't hurt," she said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International -------------------------------- The collars won't stop the thirsty burros from running out onto the road. If the boneheads want to save the burros, they should drill a few wells far away from the highway and put up a few windmill operated water pumps. There are some old abandoned ones in that area, that could be refurbished quite cheaply.
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Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Magic Tap in Cadiz, Spain I was about 6 years old when I saw a magic tap for my first time. It was at some trade show and a brewery used it as an attention getting gag. The man at the booth delighted in being sadistic and not telling me how it worked. The Magic Tap was in a big aquarium style glass showcase, that had an electrical cord going to it. Since I was becoming a pest with my insistent questioning, dad dragged me on to the other displays. Well, a while later I circled back, checked where that electrical cord went. It ws a long extension cord that snaked along and behind quite a few booths all the way to the end wall. Naturally I unplugged it. The Magic Tap flow stopped and revealed a pipe that had been hidden by the flow. Simple. Because I was mad at the bozo who had refused to tell me, I left the cord unplugged and scurried away.
Bob was having marital problems. So he went to his psychiatrist for a little help. The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her." In two weeks Preet was back in the shrink's office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" Bob said, "She hasn't talked to me since, but her bridge club got quite a kick out of it."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gary Re: Printing too small Dear Webby,... I have an on going problem, when I print with my computer with wind. XP home the print is extreamly small and no matter what I do..(change font size etc) it still comes out very small..yet with my other computer with Wind. XP pro.. it's normal..yes I did swith printers and it's the same thing...I'm b affeled..please help... Gary Mancini Dear Gary First, make sure you don't have "Shrink to fit" selected. if that is not the case, then you will have to re-install the printer driver from the CD that came with the printer. Most likely someone took a shortcut when installing the printer and used the generic driver for that printer, that is built into Windows. It is close enough for that brand, so that you can print, but not close enough for that model and series to print properly. If you don't have the CD that came with the printer, you should be able to download the driver from the printer manufacturer's web site. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying. She asked him, "What's wrong with you?" He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said that I had a choice, I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years." Baffled, she said, "Yes." The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today."

Deeli's Kudos May 1, 2008 - Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada - Toronto Sun Frank Peter, a 41-year-old man from Niagara Falls, Ontario, is still a newcomer to the putting green. But on a recent visit to the Legends on the Niagara golf course with his 17-year-old ephew, Peter made his first ever hole-in-one – a very impressive feat for a 139-yard, Par 3 hole. "I have always dreamed of getting a hole-in-one. I grabbed the flag stick and yelled out a big, 'woo hoo." Even more impressive, Peter teed off his perfect shot without the advantage of standing to line up the ball: He is paraplegic, and plays golf from a special cart called the SoloRider. According to SoloRider's president Peter is the first golfer ever to land a hole-in-one from the innovative cart and seems to think that Peter's star turn won't be an isolated incident: "He is a superior athlete and a fine golfer, and someone very capable of making not just one, but many holes-in-one." Watch out, Tiger Woods. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/1 ... ole-in-One

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Bumper Sticker To remove a bumper sticker from a metal bumper, dampen the sticker with vinegar, lighter fluid, or nail polish remover and scrape the sticker off with a razor blade. Be sure to test your cleaning solution in an inconspicuous place before using it on a plastic bumper. Visit ThriftyFun For More Car Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cars_126.html Most bumper stickers can be peeled off easily, if heated with a hair dryer or heat gun. Have FUN DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must. "Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when..... you know... when.... God forbid... you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like.... how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you simply surprise me?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Light Bulbs
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Missing NTOSKRNL 



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Good Morning,  !

Friday,  May 2, 2008
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!


Integrity is not a ninety percent thing, not a ninety-five percent thing. Either you have it or you don't. --- Peter Scotese
Continuing the trip. Straight through the desert from Kayenta to Page was fast with very few photo stops. Due to the opposite of global warming, that desert wasn't even close to blooming. In Page, the only computer store was closed, and didn't look like they had any computers in stock. So off we went to the place of last resort: Walmart. I was desperate! They had 3 laptops, all Vista. One was labelled on the shelf as having 3 GB of RAM. It actually only had 2 GB, but they charged the price of the 3 GB computer. I was not at all happy with that and let them know it. At the hotel I downloaded the back-up stashed on the net while cussing at Vista. It's a klutzy clone of 1990 Mac with the voice message "You can't get there from here" replaced with just as useless error messages. I pity the poor folks who think that is good enough! The pre-installed Norton didn't help either. Between that and Vista I got the impression that instead of intelligent security they simply made it so klutzy and slow, that hackers would get impatient and go watch the lawn grow for some excitement. By running CrapCleaner every half hour and running only half the programs I run simultaneously on XP, I managed to spread the crashes to almost two hours apart and eventually did get the mail answered and the chores done. The next day we goofed around Lake Powell and then headed down to Marble Canyon. The pictures are at http://dawna.com During a late lunch on the porch of the restaurant there a sudden but short twister added a layer of grit and sandy minerals to the food that it didn't take along. Luckily I saw it approaching and grabbed my plate fast enough. Dad wasn't so lucky and the twister pasted his plate on his chest, mashed potatoes and gravy and all. Five seconds later it was over. the napkins were miles away, but we found all the cutlery and cups. About 15 miles farther West I stopped on a hunch and sure enough, we did find the cactus that dad had suspected might be surviving in that area: Cactus Unlike all others in the same family, the central thorns are pointing downward, not up. After dad happily took pictures for half an hour, we headed East again and went up Lee's Ferry road. Very dramatic scenery there. Some day I will camp there for a week. Next day we headed West past Marble Canyon, the Vermillion Cliffs, Jacob Lake and down through Kanab Forest. Beautiful, curvy mountain road! Then north to Bryce Canyon on fast freeways. Bryce Canyon is indescribably beautiful in the evening sun. After some hiking around, we headed North-East and reached Escalante before nightfall. Verda at the Prospector Inn remembered me from emailing a month earlier and everything was ready and better than expected. Because everything takes so much longer with Vista, we had a late start the next day and headed North to Torrey. Gorgeous red rock scenery all the way, and we found cacti up as high as 3000 meters (10,000 feet) altitude. Because of the longer than usual winter they didn't bloom yet, of course, but it was quite a success to simply find them. From Torrey we headed eastward. I missed the turn-off for Notam road and finally asked for directions in Hanksville. The guy I talked to knew of the route I wanted to go, and mentioned that it had been done once by a group with 4x4's. Supposedly nice scenery, but slow going, and that we better count on camping once or twice. Well, I wasn't prepared to camp, but willing to drive fast and late. We found the Notam road. Nice pavement for 10 miles, then the worst brain damaging washboard I had ever encountered. After a mile of that I decided that the proper vehicle for that road would be a large primary grader with really tall tires. So we turned around and backtracked through Torrey and over the mountains back to Escalante. By keeping the photo stops to a minimum and the speed to the maximum, we got back just before dark. OK, enough for today. More tomorrow.
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Thanks to Ross for this story: Judge Judy to prostitute, 'So when did you realize you were raped?' Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.'
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Ray Fuller, 21, of Crowley, Texas A bit too greedy! Thanks to Walter for this submission. May 1, 2008 - Fort Worth, Texas - AP Charles Ray Fuller must have been planning one big record company. The 21-year-old Texas man was arrested last week for trying to cash a $360 billion check, saying he wanted to start a record business. Tellers at the Fort Worth bank were immediately suspicious — perhaps the 10 zeros on a personal check tipped them off. Fuller, of suburban Crowley, was arrested on a forgery charge. He was released after posting $3,750 bail. Fuller said his girlfriend's mother gave him the check to start a record business. But bank employees who contacted the account's owner said the woman told them she did not give him permission to take or cash the check. In addition to the forgery count, Fuller was charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possessing marijuana. Officers reported finding less than two ounces of marijuana and a .25-caliber handgun and magazine in his pockets. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_ ... 4K5y.s0NUE
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Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
Thanks to Seababy for this announcement: China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos. There were so many Wings and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always winging wong numbers. I felt you needed to know this. Seababy
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: bad or missing NTOSKRNL.exe Dear Webby Good Afternoon/Evening/Morning I love receiving your Humor Letter and all the advice you give to others when they are having computer problems. I'm hoping you can help me now. I recommended Spybot to a co-worker because I feel it is a great program. I burned the download to CD for her and told her how to install it. She told me today that when she tried to re-start her computer, after it fixed the 120+ infected files and following the instructions to re-start, there was an error message and Windows XP wouldn't start. The error reads "windows could not start because the following file is missing or corrupt 'windows root system32 NTOSKRNL.exe'. I believe it is found under c:\windows\system32. HELP! She does not have the OS disk as Windows XP was already loaded when she got the computer. I feel really bad because I recommended she install Spybot. I told her I had a similar problem after I installed a windows update but I've had no problems with Spybot and wondered if it was something else that caused this problem. Do you have any suggestions as to how this happened and how to fix it? Many thanks! Jackie Dear Jackie Spybot has nothing to do with that, other than that the reboot after running Spybot, made an existing problem visible. All the information regarding that fairly common problem is here: http://www.computerhope.com/issues/ch000646.htm It lists the various causes for that problem, but Spybot is not mentioned at all. So, don't feel bad. Probably one of those 120+ infections had messed with important stuff, and possibly given control of the machine to a hacker. They have the solutions for each of the possible causes of that problem listed there on that page. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Katie for this classic: At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written... For 95 points: Which tire? _________

Deeli's Kudos May 1, 2008 - Dorr, Michigan - AP When an 11-year-old Boy Scout found someone's wallet with $800 inside, he understood what the person who lost it was going through. Only a few weeks before, he had lost his own wallet and the $45 it contained. J.R. Bouterse immediately told an adult about his discovery, which was turned over to a law-enforcement official and returned to its grateful owner. To reward the boy, the Michigan State Police threw a pizza party Monday night, not only for the law-abiding child but for all 30 Scouts in Troop 90. Another guest at the party, to J.R.'s surprise, was 20-year-old Jessica Cutler, the wallet's owner, who wanted to personally thank him for his act of honesty. "I'm just glad he found it and not someone else,'' she said. http://www.happynews.com/news/4302008/b ... ns-odd.htm

The Priest and the Rabbi A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other in an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?" The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes. Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Batteries Fresh To prevent batteries from wearing down if a flashlight is accidentally nudged on while you're traveling, put the flashlight batteries in backwards or don't put them in the flashlight at all until needed. Visit ThriftyFun For More Better Living Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Roland for this: Washing Clothes Recipe imagine having a recipe for this ! ! ! Yyears ago an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe: this is an exact copy as written and found in an old scrapbook - with spelling errors and all. Washing Clothes build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water. set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert. shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water. sort things, make 3 piles 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags to make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water. take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored... don't boil, just wrench and starch. take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch. hang old rags on fence. spread tea towels on grass. pore wrench water in flower bed. scrub porch with hot soapy water. turn tubs upside down. go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your blessings. ================================== paste this over your washer and dryer. next time when you think things are bleak, read it again, kiss that washing machine and dryer, and give thanks. first thing each morning you should run and hug your washer and dryer, also your toilet ---those two-holers used to get mighty cold! for you non-southerners -wrench means rinse. :)

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The perfect tomato
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s Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, is there software to play DVDs in a CD player ? 



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Good Morning,  !

Thursday,  May 1, 2008


The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. --- Albert Ellis The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. --- Arthur C. Clarke
Here is the promised report of of this year's desert run. You can see the pictures at http://dawna.com I took the $99 WestJet red-eye flight to Las Vegas and quite enjoyed seeing the sparkly island appear in the dark desert. If you have a choice, fly there at night! My dad arrived from Austria that evening and the next morning we headed South. First stop was Tommy's in Henderson, the only Tommy's hamburger shack outside of California. If you ar not familiar with Tommy's, they are verydelicious but with their scoop of chili as the second last layer, textremely sloppy. Bib definitely recommended! So we sat by the window near the drive-through and while we enjoyed ours, busted a gut laughing about the newbies who thought they cold eat a Tommy's burger in their car. Next stop was Hoover Dam to marvel at the construction of the new bridge. They are just starting the form work for the arch across the canyon. It is going to be awesome! Then, heading down towards Phoenix, Arizona, about 100 miles past Wikiup we took Highway 97 to Bagdad. Highway 97 is one of the worlds most delightful roller-coaster roads. Check out Bagdad with Google Earth. It has one of the largest copper mines in the word and the huge bluish and greenish mine tailings are awesome! We didn't go to the mine, though. A bit north of it is an area where we had found some extremely rare cacti that we wanted to take more pictures of. After that, we took Highay 96 to Prescott. Curvy at times, but fast and fun. From Prescott we headed northeast to Flagstaff, Tuba City and Kayenta. Kayenta is just before the highly overrated Monument Valley, and quite expensive. Next morning we headed north to Green River, Utah. Once past Monumnet Valley the scenery got exciting and quite colorful. Lots of stops for pictures! For Green River I had made the mistake of booking a room at the Ramada. Green River will be a drive-trough-without-stopping type town from now on. Back to Kayenta the next day, this time via Moab and Monticello. In Kayenta I realized that I had forgotten the charger for the laptop in Green River, Utah. When I called the Ramada hotel there, they were unhelpful and actively hostile enough, to put all Ramada hotels on my personal blacklist. I did manage to get the newsletters out and answer most of the emails before the battery expired. Nearest town with a chance of a computer for sale was Page, Arizona, so that's where we headed the next morning. OK, enough for today. More tomorrow.
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Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic: My Mother taught me... 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Internal Revenue Service and Social Security Administration 55 Years later ... A case of government wheels moving slowly April 14, 2008 - Bellevue, Washington - UPI A Bellevue, Wash., man whose jet was shot down over Korea in 1953 says he still has trouble persuading the U.S. government he is alive. Edwin "Nick" Nixon, 79, who spent six months in North Korean prisoner of war camps after his plane was shot down during the war, said the Internal Revenue Service and Social Security Administration send him letters from time to time questioning whether he is still alive. "Now I've got the name and phone number of a woman at Social Security who fixes it," Nixon said. "I used to have to write letters and go to the local office to prove I was alive." Nixon was declared dead after his jet was shot down March 1, 1953, and his name remains on a list of those killed-in-action at the Garden of Remembrance in Seattle. The former pilot recently authored a book about his experiences, titled "Killed in Action -- Dead Wrong!" Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Thanks toScorpio for this story: Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. They had just pounded a sign into the ground, that reads: "The end is near! Turn yourself around now! Before it's too late!" As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window giving the finger and yelling, "Get lost you religious fruit cakes!" From the curve ahead there then followed the horrendous screeching of tires and the sickening thud of a vehicle landing in an abyss. Rev. Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: CD reader for DVDs Dear Webby Is there is software out there that will play DVD Movies on a CD Burner? Eddie Dear Eddie No, there isn't. CD is a different format, like a different spur line railroad. Just like rail cars from European rail lines, that are based on the width of two horses asses, don't fit onto American rails, which are based on the width of three asses' butts, CD and DVD don't match. There are some DVD's that have a short version in CD format on their back side. You can play the CD side in a CD player, and don't need any special software for that. Have FUN! DearWebby

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project' said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' 'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her...

Deeli's Kudos April 27, 2008 - Burlington, Iowa - WFTV A pooch in Burlington, Iowa, is taking care of nine kittens that lost their own mother. "She does everything momma cat would do," said Angie Beard, a worker at the Des Moines County Humane Society. "She's excellent." Lilly Lou, as shelter workers call her, is nursing nine kittens, he results of three litters that all lost their mothers. Beard initially gave Lilly two kittens, hoping she would take to them while the rest were bottle fed. Shelter workers were hopeful that Lilly would accept more kittens as their chances for survival being bottle fed weren't very high. Lilly, who recently had six puppies of her own and is expecting another litter, immediately took to her new charges, which Beard and other shelter workers have dubbed "pittens," or puppy kittens. "If one of them crawls out of bed, she'll follow it around the room, toss it up in the air and then take it back to the bed," Beard said. "She cleans them just like her own puppies; she feeds them just like her own puppies." The kittens are three and four weeks old now and will stay with Lilly until they are six weeks old.

Thank to Sandie for this story: The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone. Not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone?" he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said. "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
Thanks to Dave for this story: During the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups and then get in line to answer questions about the academy. If they answer correctly, they are allowed to proceed inside. If not, they are sent to the back of the line. One doolie had been sent back a number of times because he didn't reel off the answers. When the poor cadet came up again, a sympathetic upperclassman asked him, "What does the abbreviation S. I. D. N. K. stand for?" The doolie bowed his head and replied, "Sir, I do not know." "Right!" the upperclassman said. "Go on in there and get some chow!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080501@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mow in Different Directions Mow in a different direction each time you mow your lawn. This will help prevent wear patterns that can develop when grass is always pushed in the same direction. Mow at a right angle to the previous direction that you mowed. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?" To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.'

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Sping in Yosemite
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Print just the selected text 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday April 30
==========================================

I'm home again, and glad to be.
I obviusly CAN run the company while on the road in foreign
 countries, but it sure is more comfortable at a decent desk
 with proper lighting.

Today I'll unpack and get back into the normal routine, and
hopefully tomorrow I wil have time to write a report on the
trip.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
_______________________________________________

Don't knock the weather. 
If it didn't change once in a while, 
nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.
-- Kin Hubbard


Thanks to Cookie for these daffinitions: BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who to blame for it. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all' not 'reply'.) See also CLM CLM - Career Limiting Move: Telling a racy joke about the boss to someone on the phone, without first checking to see if the boss is visiting the cubicle on the other side of the paper wall. BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am. BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crime watch. GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the distance, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!". MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
YOUR ad could be here!

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to some gullible cellphone users in Dublin, Ireland April 27, 2008 - Dublin, Ireland - Ananova Hoax calls to Dublin Zoo for Rory Lion and G Raffe are jamming its telephone switchboard. Up to 5,000 unsuspecting victims of a practical joke are flooding the phone lines at the Phoenix park attraction, reports the Irish Independent. They all received text messages to their mobile phones telling them to urgently call the zoo's number and ask for G Raffe, C Lion, Rory Lyons or Anna Conda. Zoo bosses say their switchboard operators have been overwhelmed and pleaded with the public not to fall for the prank. Meanwhile callers to the zoo hear a specially recorded message: "If you are calling to speak to Mr Rory Lion, C Lion, G Raffe or anyone similar please be aware that you are the victim of a hoax message." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2828386.html?menu=
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to Sue for this picture of a Sapsucker bird in her tree:
From the Tech Support Pits: From Scotty RE: Print selection Dear Webby, HEY, Mr. Cool...how can I print some of the jokes I get off your letter with out having to print it all??? Scotty Dear Scotty Just highlight that joke, hit CTRL C to copy it, jump into a Notemaid or Wordprocessor or email CTRL V to paste it Then print that. With some printers you can simply highlight a portion, hit CTRL P, chose "Print Selection", and hit PRINT. Have FUN Dear Webby

Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but "a*******." (you can fill in the blank).

Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2008 - Andover, Massachusetts - UPI A Massachusetts elementary school is hoping to set a Guinness World Record after collecting at least 5,600 stuffed animals for charity. Mounds of stuffed animals crowded the gymnasium of the Shawsheen School in Andover during a Monday assembly when students were informed of their accomplishment, The Boston Globe reported. "The kids were honestly wild, they were just so excited," Principal Moira O'Brien said. "It was really nice, mostly to remember why they did it." The school has held a stuffed animal charity collection the past 12 years, linking Phillips Academy and Andover High School tutors with Lawrence middle school students. The plush animals will go to kids in orphanages, medical centers and libraries in Belize. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

"When my sugar daddy dies," confided Jeni to Debi, "I'll inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles." "You mean testament," chuckled Debi. "No, testicles..." said Jeni, "I've got him by the balls."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hollow Book for Hiding Items Buy a hardback book at a thrift store and transform it into a hollow book. Just use a utility knife to cut out a rectangular hole in the book pages. Use a straight edge to guide the knife. Use rubber cement to glue all the pages together and you have a great place to hide items on your bookshelf. Click Here For More Safety Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _4770.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My friend's sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception. Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and enclosed one with each formal invitation. Family and friends were surprised to read: "Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom at the Holiday Inn. Everyone is invited to participate in this memorable event."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Any day in history
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby: Fuzzy Zoom 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday April 29
==========================================

"We should be careful to get out of an experience
only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there;
lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid
again, and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore."
-- Mark Twain


Every year when travelling I meet people who are on their way to or from visiting their parents. It never ceases to amaze me how much some people spend on retirement homes. These days the average seems to be around $300 a day, and very few of the parents are happy where they are. The rooms are small, they can't do this and can't do that, and the atmosphere is half way between jail and hospital, and the only Internet access is in the lobby and is always in use. Wake up folks! How much does it cost to stay at a nice hotel ? $40 - $100 If you ask them for an annual rate, they will knock that down 30% or more and roll out the red carpet. They will treat you like royalty! Wireless DSL from pool to park, fitness room, room service, laundry service, phone in the room, coffee machine in the room and no need to bribe nursing home staff for extra packets of coffee, and on and on. Many hotels have free limousine service, and in scenic areas they often have sight-seeing tours or are connected with tour companies that stop at the hotel. With the difference between $30 and $300 you can travel around and check out where you will stay the next year, if you want a change of scenery or climate. If you are planning your or a relative's retirement, take notes!
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One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read: "My name is Daniel."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Williams, 22, of Salinas, Calif April 27, 2008 - Carmel, California - WFTV A woman's car disappeared Friday morning, only to have the alleged car thief call and demand ransom money while police were investigating at her home. The car was taken from a Carmel neighborhood Friday morning. While police were at the woman's home investigating the car's disappearance, she got an unexpected phone call. "The suspect calls the residence requesting if the victim wants her car back, she can pay $1,000 and have the car returned to her," said Carmel police spokesman Ken Shen. The caller told the woman to meet at the McDonald's in Sand City, Calif., and to bring the $1,000 with her. Police made the exchange and then stopped the alleged car thief, 22-year-old Troy Williams of Salinas, Calif., as he left the area. "We had a decoy pose as the victim, so the victim was safe and never involved," Shen said. Williams was booked into the Monterey County Jail. http://www.wftv.com/automotive/15947729/detail.html
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of the burrowing owls in the lawn across the street from her.
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From: Arthur Re: Fuzzy Zoom Dear Webby, My digital camera shoots perfectly sharp pictures close up, but when I use zoom then the farther away parts are awfully fuzzy some of the time, but quite clear at other times. Shouldn't the same lens be sharp in all settings at all times? Arthur Dear Arthur The lens is probably quite OK. Hold a long fishing rod and point it at something small. Does it jitter around a bit ? Multiply that by the distance to the scenery that you want to shoot. That multiplied jitter is what causes the fuzz. There are a few ways to fix or diminish that fuzz. For long distance shots, use a tripod or put the camera onto a small sand baggie. Use the fastest (shortest) exposure time that you can get away with. Open the apperture as wide as you can to the lowest f-stop number to force the time to be shorter. Don't worry about the picture being a bit darker if you use shorter exposure times. You can always lighten the picture once you have it on the computer. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Comments heard re the recent power failure: "When the food in our refrigerator began to spoil, my wife gave me a big kiss for stocking up on canned food in our basement," an California man said. "Then moments later, she gave me a big kick for buying an electric can opener." "I like to jog every morning," a New Jersey man said. "But without electricity, I can't use my treadmill. I don't know what to do. I asked my neighbors, but none of them owns a generator." "I can't call anyone," a woman griped. "What am I supposed to do while I drive?" "I don't mind not being able to use my microwave," one tearful woman said. "But do you have any idea what it's like to manage without a hair dryer?"

Deeli's Kudos April 27, 2008 - Burlington, Iowa - WFTV A pooch in Burlington, Iowa, is taking care of nine kittens that lost their own mother. "She does everything momma cat would do," said Angie Beard, a worker at the Des Moines County Humane Society. "She's excellent." Lilly Lou, as shelter workers call her, is nursing nine kittens, the results of three litters that all lost their mothers. Beard initially gave Lilly two kittens, hoping she would take to them while the rest were bottle fed. Shelter workers were hopeful that Lilly would accept more kittens as their chances for survival being bottle fed weren't very high. Lilly, who recently had six puppies of her own and is expecting another litter, immediately took to her new charges, which Beard and other shelter workers have dubbed "pittens," or puppy kittens. "If one of them crawls out of bed, she'll follow it around the room, toss it up in the air and then take it back to the bed," Beard said. "She cleans them just like her own puppies; she feeds them just like her own puppies." The kittens are three and four weeks old now and will stay with Lilly until they are six weeks old. To view the video: http://www.wftv.com/family/15972844/detail.html

The old pastor made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drilling In Wood When drilling a hole in wood with a hand drill, use a nail or awl to start a hole where you plan to drill. That will help get the drill started and prevent it from skidding on the wood and leaving unsightly marks. Make sure the wood is firmly secured using a vice or a clamp. For More Helpful Home Improvement Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_598.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

'Global Crossing' company advertised that their "fast, secure, seamless global network" by touting that it "transmits data at speeds that practically break the sound barrier." This means that a data packet going from New York to London will take about 4 1/2 hours to be delivered. I am not impressed. Even AOL is faster than that !

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Old Wood Toys:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby, how do I make the Degree Symbol 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday April 28
==========================================

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot 
read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
--- Alvin Toffler

Wise men talk because they have something to say; 
fools, because they have to say something.
--- Plato

Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your kids!
--- Socratex


Eunice went to the dentist the other day. It was discovered that she had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, Eunice," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" Without hesitation Eunice replied, "Chocolate, please."
YOUR ad could be here!

Bob and Bill fly to Alaska for a fishing trip. They hire a bush pilot and rent a boat, rods and tackle. After two weeks, they've caught only one small salmon. "Man, Bill," Bob says. "Do you realize this lousy fish cost us about $2,000 apiece?" "Wow," Bill replies. "At that rate, it's a good thing we only caught one."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua L. Moore, of Frankfort, Kentucky April 27, 2008 - Louisville, Kentucky - WFTV A Kentucky man was arrested on drug trafficking charges early Sunday morning after he was reportedly pumping gas into an imaginary vehicle, reported WLKY-TV in Louisville. According to the arrest report, Metro Police arrived at a gas station in Louisville and immediately smelled marijuana coming from Joshua L. Moore, of Frankfort, Ky., who station clerks contend was filling up an imaginary vehicle. Officers searched Moore and found "two large baggies" of marijuana and a large amount of Ecstasy. Police said Moore also had a cell phone and a large amount of money, which they said was indicative of trafficking. Police said that more narcotics were located on Moore when he was being booked into Metro Corrections. Moore, 25, was charged with three counts of trafficking. http://www.wftv.com/automotive/15945906/detail.html
Click here to Top Secret Fat Loss Secret
The desert blooms this week!
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From Charlotte Re: Degree Symbol Dear Webby, I saw in a local paper a long time ago how to put up the symbol for degrees. I want to write up some recipe cards and would like to use that symbol. Thanks for your help. Charlotte Dear Charlotte Just hold down the ALT key and type 0176, then let go the ALT key. 120 ° For the copyright symbol, use ALT 0169, like this: © Charlotte Have FUN Dear Webby

The construction foreman ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8 feet deep. But after the job was done, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered the worker. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. "Honestly!" the foreman snorted. "The kind of help I get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2008 - Miami, Florida - UPI A Miami man said firefighters spent about an hour extracting a kitten from the air-conditioning ducts of his home. Marques Bailey said he initially reported a kitten crying loudly in the ducts Saturday, but Broward Sheriff Fire Rescue's suggestion that he attempt to lure the cat out into the open with a saucer of milk failed to yield results. Bailey said he made a second call Monday, and this time three firefighters arrived to rescue the troubled feline. He said the firefighters made several attempts to coax the kitten from its hiding space, including poking at it with a metal rod and calling it audibly, before finally luring the yellow tabby out with a can of tuna. Bailey said he plans to keep the kitten, which emerged from the ducts without any identification. "This cat cost me a lot of money in property damage," he said. "I'm going to name it Trouble." Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Ice Cream Store ice cream inside your freezer rather than on the door where the temperature is more likely to fluctuate. Make sure the lid on your ice cream container is closed tightly, store inside of a plastic bag or wrap them with tin foil. Click Here For More Freezing Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_943.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Spirit of the Horse
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Dear Webby: Open new browser window 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday April 27
==========================================

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. 
She changes it more often." 
--Oliver Herford 

"The face of a child can say it all, 
especially the mouth part of the face."
--Jack Handey


I parked my car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after me, "Excuse me, Sir, did you want that cart?" "No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing." As I walked into the store, I heard her mumble: "Typical male!"
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If somebody is pestering you for your phone number, or if you want to detour a telemarketer, give them this number: 212-479-7990 It's the New York Rejection Line. For numbers in other states, check out http://www.rejectionline.com/copycat.html
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Florida Senate Thanks to Arturas for this submission. April 26, 2008 - Tallahassee, Florida - Reuters Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state. Republican Sen. Cary Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north. The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version. In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories. Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested. The bill's sponsor doubted it would succeed. "It's probably not going to make it through the process," Baker said on Thursday. "It won't be much of story in a few days." http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEno ... ddlyenough ----------------- People could just call them "Senators" and leave it at that.
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Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Hohenfels, Germany, 04/24/08 Latitude 49.21667 Longitude 11.83333 Altitude 442 m Looks like they don't have any Global Warming either. Mother Nature seems to want to make it perfectly clear who is in charge and who is full of BS.
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From Janine RE: Fresh browser window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in MSIE? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. Have FUN Dear Webby

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'

Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2008 - Indianapolis, Indiana - UPI A blind Indianapolis man says he "kind of went crazy," wrestling a burglary suspect into submission and holding him with a kitchen knife until police arrived. "I just kind of panicked and just kind of went crazy after that," Allan Kieta told The Indianapolis Star. "I've wrestled all my life. My dad's a Marine; he taught me some stuff. You're thinking in your head all this survival stuff." Kieta, who is legally blind, had taken a day off work Monday. He realized something was wrong when he heard his "little poodle-like dog" barking. He told the newspaper he surprised the man in the laundry room and pummeled and kicked him until he was quiet. He dragged him into the kitchen by the belt, found a kitchen knife and then dialed 911 with his left hand, which took him about 20 tries. Police arrested Alvaro Castro, 25, and took him to a detention unit in a hospital. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Ironing Delicate Fabrics Use some sort of a pressing cloth when ironing delicate fabrics and don't use high heat. Lightweight cotton towels work well as a pressing cloth. Just lay the pressing cloth on the item you wish to iron and it will help protect it from the heat. For More Laundry Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html For More Storage Ideas, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_St ... 9_699.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Easy Latin: Veni, Vidi, Vici -- I came, I saw, I conquered Veni, Vidi, Velcro -- I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around Veni, Vidi, Visa -- I Came, I Saw, I went shopping Veni, Vidi, Volvo -- I Came, I Saw, I Drove Veni, Vidi, Venison -- I Came, I Saw, I ran over a deer Veni, Vidi, Vanish -- I Came, I Saw, I Disappeared Veni, Vidi, Fiji -- I Came, I Saw, I ran far away Veni, Vidi, Fuji -- I Came, I Saw, I took a picture Veni, Vidi, Vodka -- I Came, I Saw, I Drank Veni, Vidi, Vomit -- I Came, I Saw, I Drank Too Much Veni, Vidi, Violin -- I Came, I Saw, I made a horrible screeching noise OK, YOU make up some more !

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Blackwing Sketchbook:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, is Ballmer lying? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday April 26
==========================================

If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
--- Tom Robbins

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us.
— Earl Nightingale:


I met Fran and Jane at one of the benches for smokers outside Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at the terminal. They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each naming the other. I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same time to board the same plane.
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Count the "F"s in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. The answer is near the end.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the city of Toronto, Ontario Bayonet the wounded April 25, 2008 - Toronto - UPI The owner of a downtown Toronto bicycle shop, that was destroyed in a February fire, is fuming about a $48,000 demolition bill he got from the city. Gary Duke's shop was among five old three-story buildings destroyed by the fire. He told reporters he received a letter this week from the city, demanding $48,348.94 to cover the demolition contractor's fees. "I paid my taxes and they covered fire trucks and the water. Why do I get charged for demolition?" Duke told the Globe and Mail. "And what demolition was there to do? My building was completely collapsed. The fire did it all for them." The other four property owners were sent demolition bills totaling about $30,000, the report said. Duke's insurance broker, Jeff Smith, said he's never seen a similar situation and called the city's demand "ridiculous." http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-338587-181083
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Remember the tumbleweeds drifting around main street in the old black and white Western movies? I am used to seeing them blowing around in the desert, and even occasionally getting tapped on the back by one when I am concentratig on taking a picture, but it is very rare to see one inside a town. When I saw one yesterday morning drifting towards the entrance of the store in Escalante, Utah, naturally I stopped to take a picture before the wind blew it away.
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Is Ballmer lying? Dear Webby, I read "Ballmer said the customers buying PCs with XP are IT departments who are having trouble shifting old machines to newer technology." Doesn't that prove Ballmer is a baldfaced liar? Are they really trying to kill XP? Randall Dear Randall Yes, Ballmer is deliberately and maliciously lying. Putting Vista onto a perfectly good XP machine would be like knifing all tires on an 18 wheeler, and nobody smart enough to get an IT job, would ever contemplate anything quite THAT stupid. Vista is good enough for people, who have never worked on a proper XP machine, but it is not good enough for the work place. Period. You can get more work done with a 10 year old Pentium and Windows 95. Dell and other manufacturers will be allowed to sell "Vista" computers with XP pre-installed and Vista on a DVD, so that Microsoft can claim it sold certain numbers of Vista systems, just like all the ones the Gates foundation buys to donate as tax deductible donations to worthy causes. It's a Potempkin Village scheme, and we all know it. Claims of certain numbers of Vista systems sold don't make Vista usable in the workplace. Vista is too bloated and can't be un-bloated or fixed by adding utilities. It belongs on the same shelf as DOS4. XP will be around until something better comes out. Have FUN! DearWebby

Subway Announcements: At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers OFF THE TRAIN FIRST! Oh go on then, get run over by Big Bertha, see if I care, I'm going home." "I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits and pieces."

Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2008 - Edmonton, Alberta - Gimundo Have you ever watched a paraplegic stand up and walk around? Visit University of Alberta in Edmonton, and you just might see the unbelievable in action. It's the groundbreaking work of Dr Richard Stein, a spinal cord researcher of forty-five years who has developed a device that delivers an electrical impulse to leg muscles, stimulating them to move. This tiny jolt of current would normally travel down the spinal column – but for people with damaged spines, the Bio-8 Stimulator delivers the impulse directly into the muscle, triggered by the shift in someone's balance associated with walking. One of Dr. Stein's patients, 47-year-old Edgar Jackson, has one paralyzed leg, and has credited the doctor's innovative work with giving him a new life. "Dr. Stein has given me the greatest opportunity. I'll be able to walk my two daughters down the aisle one day." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... Walk_Again

Jim let his dog out to do his business late one night. He watched some TV and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man. He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow-dried it and put its collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door. The next day, he saw his neighbor. "Hi," the neighbor said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah? What's that?" asked Jim, sweating now. "Well, my cat died yesterday, got run over by a truck. What a mess! We buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080426@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Weather When Traveling When traveling, make sure to check the weather in the city you are traveling from as well as the city you are traveling to and any connecting cities. It will give you an idea of whether or not you may have delays and what to expect when you get there. Click Here For More Travel Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Travel_1179.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!" ================ Quiz answer: 3: most common answer. 4: rarely found answer 5: You probably use DSL or Cable to get onto the net 6: You probably have a domain with your name or nickname. 6 is correct. Don't forget to count the thre "OF"s. ================
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Dear Webby, how safe is online shopping? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday April 25
Wear sometghing red to show your support for the troops!

==========================================

In literature as in love, we are astonished 
at what is chosen by others.
--- Andre Maurois


Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her grew quickly. The man in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously, as Jill continued trying to get the car to started again. Finally, Jill got out of her car and approached the man in the car behind her. She smiled and said to him, "I can't seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and play hysterical honker for you."
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The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head, "No .... Do-it-yourself," she explained, "with concrete blocks."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two Orlando, Florida teenagers April 3, 2008 - Orlando, Florida - UPI Two Florida teenagers have been charged with aggravated assault for allegedly pointing a look-alike toy sniper rifle at a truck driver. Police in Orlando came to the scene Tuesday night after a trucker reported seeing someone pointing a gun at a Federal Express driver. Police found the two teens, aged 18 and 19, at a nearby motel. The "rifle," actually an air gun, was found in a search of their motel room. The teenagers said they did not deliberately point the toy at anyone, that they were just examining it. "It's a toy but it looks real," an officer said. "I can guarantee you that if they would have pointed it at one of the deputies, those would not have hesitated to use deadly force." http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-327473-110024
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he's here and watching you!
From the Tech Support Pits: Dear Webby's Tech Support Pits: From Sharon RE: Online Shopping Dear Webby How safe is it really to buy on-line? Some people say it's perfectly safe, others have all kinds of horror stories. What's the real scoop? Dear Sharon Usually the people with the wackiest horror stories don't even have a computer, but read and believe the National Enquirer. As long as you don't buy from a spammer, you are perfectly safe. A spammer, who already cheats and deceives you with a trick subject line, will continue in the same direction and will rip you off. If you find a site through a major search engine like Google or a recommendation from a friend, you are quite safe. Here are some rules to go by: If a site does not have a secure shopping cart or secure order form, watch out ! Never use your credit card when the padlock at the bottom of the browser is not closed. If you can't pay by credit card or by PayPal, go somewhere else, where you can. If the "business" uses an AOL address, forget them. There may be a tiny percentage of legitimate businesses among all the crooks that use AOL addresses, but that percentage is too small to gamble on it. The same applies to cs, ho'mail and yahoo addresses. Any crook can get one of those disposable addresses, and dump it as soon as they have your money. Legitimate businesses have email addresses based on their business domain. Please note that this applies to USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and Japan only. In Europe an the Mid-East trust only air lines, rail lines, and hotels that belong to respectable chains. Any other business, especially if they are not approved by VISA or Mastercard, is usually bad news and it's best if you don't deal with them on-line. If you follow these rules, you won't get ripped off and will be able to enjoy a lot of bargains. Airlines, hotels, car rental agencies and many chain stores give you a very noticeable discount, if you order over the web. However, if you plan to register at a hotel, try to find the site of the hotel. You usually pay $10 - $15 less per night than if you order through a booking agency. Have FUN Dear Webby

A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "I'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"

Deeli's Kudos April 24, 2008 - Atlanta, Georgia - UPI Atlanta area residents have raised at least $7,000 for six Chinese immigrants who gave up their reward money for capturing a New Zealand murder suspect. Instead of keeping the $10,000 reward, the six said they wanted to give the money to the orphaned daughter of the fugitive wanted for murdering his wife, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Wednesday. At a small ceremony conducted inside the Chamblee, Ga. police station, the Mandarin-speaking chefs and deliverymen learned that area residents had taken up a collection to assemble a second reward. An Atlanta businessman, Lever Stewart, put down a $500 deposit on an apartment after learning that two of the men had nowhere to live. The men were called heroes for ending a five-month search for fugitive Nai Yin Xue by luring him to an apartment and using two belts, a pair of pants and a blanket to tie him up. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-337743-188023

Jim let his dog out to do his business late one night. He watched some TV and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man. He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow-dried it and put its collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door. The next day, he saw his neighbor. "Hi," the neighbor said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night." "Oh yeah? What's that?" asked Jim, sweating now. "Well, my cat died yesterday, got run over by a truck.ü What a mess! We buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing CDs and DVDs Always store CDs and DVDs in a case or protective sleeve. If you label them with a marker, be sure to use a non solvent-based felt-tip permanent marker. Store in a relative humidity of 20% to 50% and between 40 and 70 degrees F and in an upright position to avoid having them bend over time. For More Storage Ideas, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_St ... 9_699.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT: Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian, white baby boy! "Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby?" The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wongs don't make a white, so I tink we will name him Sum-Ting Wong."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Comedy Shows 50's - 70's
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com






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Deaar Webby, is there a future for Vista? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday April 24

". . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice." --Laurence J. Peter "Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example." --Duc de La Rochefoucald
Two five-year-olds were on a picnic with their respective families. They both wandered into the nearby woods to answer a call of nature. The little girl squatted and did the necessary. On her way back to the picnic grounds, she ran across the little boy who was relieving himself against a tree. "Wow" she said with rounded eyes, "what a handy gadget to take on a picnic!".
YOUR ad could be here!

Thanks to Kati for this one: I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different, very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it today." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" --------------------- Will the neighbor lady, who never has a headache, get the cuddling for a while ?
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric L. Syverson, 39, of Eagan and Joseph A. Schultz, 20, of Bloomington, Minnesota April 23, 2008 - Rosemount, Minnesota - UPI Two Minnesota men were charged with trying to blackmail 24 teachers with threats of ruining their reputations with pornography allegations, police said. Eric L. Syverson, 39, of Eagan and Joseph A. Schultz, 20, of Bloomington were being held in the Dakota County jail under bail pending May 5 hearings, the Rosemount Town Pages reported. The county attorney's office said the pair targeted teachers and coaches in Rosemount, Apple Valley, Burnsville and Eagan with anonymous letters vowing to ruin their careers by making it appear they were in possession of pornography or having students come forward with claims they had been offered money for naked photos. Each letter demanded $1,000 in $100 bills to be left in a plastic bag in a park, the newspaper said. County Attorney James Backstrom said there was no truth to any of the threatened claims. Syverson was arrested Saturday after police allegedly watched him drive to four parks identified as drop-off points. Schultz allegedly drove Syverson around to deliver the letters. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Old and new Navajo bridge near Marble Canyon, AZ
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gene Re: Is there a future for Vista? Dear Webby, ...is there a future for Vista? I mean, is there a point in learning to cope with that piece of crap, or should we just treat it like we did DOS 4 and ignore it like a bean fart in polite company? Will Micro$oft come out with Windows 8 soon enough, or should we get comfortable with Linux? And lastly, everybody, except the paid shills at the computer magazines that get Millions of dollars worth of Micro$oft ads, pronounces Vista as an unusable waste of time. Is Microsoft only listening to the phonies at those magazines, or do they simply not give a hoot about the captive audience or has Bill gates gone senile? What can we do to keep XP available until something usable arrives to replace vista? Gene Dear Gene Keep in mind that Bill Gates retired and slammed the door, when the first attempt at Vista didn't work and they had to start all over again. He is probably using XP or Linux. Vista seems to be a clone of an early 90's Mac OS: Cutesy, klutzy, slow, unpredictable and unreliable. It may be good enough for newbies who have never been on a properly set up XP or Linux machine, but it is not good enough for work. I definitely won't pay staff for wasting time with Vista. From a purely "Get the work done" point of view, Linux and Open Office beat Vista by a country mile. For running programs that don't have a Linux version yet, you can use "Wine" or similar programs that will open a Windows shell inside of Linux. However, that is mostly for games. All the better work related programs do have Linux versions, just like they also have Mac versions. Vista is a dead end. It is too bloated and hogging way too many resoures. You can't run as many programs simultaneously as you are used to with XP or Linux. That alone knocks it out of the workplace. And that part of it can not be fixed by adding utilities. Your time is invested much better in getting comfortable with Linux. Have FUN Dear Webby

A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you put a lid on the pan there'll be less dust and dirt in the food". The cook, very annoyed, replied, "You mind your own business. Your duty is to defend the homeland!" "That's right," said the soldier. "But my duty is to defend it, not to eat it...."

Deeli's Kudos April 22, 2008 - Eugene, Oregon - AP A pet store owner is calling a police sergeant a hero for saving her from the coils of a 12-foot Burmese python doing its best to turn her into a meal. Teresa Rossiter had reached into a cage Thursday to show the huge snake to a customer when it bit her right hand and coiled around her left arm to throw her to the floor. A friend who happened to be at the store kept the snake off her neck and body while police were called. And when Sgt. Ryan Nelson rushed into the store, he was ready to kill the snake with his knife. But Rossiter asked him to spare the expensive python, so Nelson put on gloves and pried open the snake's mouth to free Rossiter's hand. Two responders from the Eugene Fire Department helped unwrap the snake, which was eventually returned to its cage. Rossiter called Nelson a hero. "He was the bravest guy ever. He went way above and beyond the call of duty,'' she told The Oregonian. Rossiter suffered dozens of puncture wounds, but she, the sergeant and the python were fine. http://www.happynews.com/news/4222008/o ... -owner.htm

The battery in John's beat-up car had died because he left the lights on overnight. He was in a hurry to get to work on time so he ran into the house to get his wife to give him a hand to start the car. John told her to get into the second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push the VW fast enough to start it. John pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 MPH for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. John sat there fuming, wondering what could be taking her so long. A minute passed by and then he heard her thundering down the alley and soon saw her in the rearview mirror, coming at him at about 40 MPH.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Water for Emergencies Water should be stored in containers that are made specifically for water storage, or in glass and plastic bottles that were previously used for beverages, thoroughly cleaned. Never use containers that were previously used for pesticides, chemicals, solvents, anti-freeze, oils, etc. Click Here For More Emergency Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Emergency_1945.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm sorry, there's no such listing. Are you sure you have the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the B fell off a few years ago. That reminds me of the way some people give directions. One time I was looking for the 'Outback' steak house in Nashville. This really friendly lady told me: "Stay on this heah road till yo get to where that construction trailer used to be, then you got to tern right there," (I already had learned that their 'tern right there' means turn left, they say 'go rite' when they mean turn to the right), "then stay on thaat fer six or seven blocks, but doun' count dead ends that don' go nowhere, then go rite till you get to where they're gonna build a Wallmart nex year maybe, ....", and so on. Well, I got so thoroughly lost, that I backtracked to the hotel, turned on my laptop and looked it up on Google Maps.

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Animatronics
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: How do I retrieve a window that is out of range? 
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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday April 23

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." --- Franklin P. Jones
One morning, while shaving, George started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
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Dwayne, Dianne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately Dianne pleaded,in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott Leshner, 18,of Boca Raton, Florida April 22, 2008 - Boca Raton, Florida - UPI An 18-year-old was arrested after calling police to report three men robbed him under the pretense of buying marijuana, Boca Raton, Fla., authorities said. Scott Leshner, 18, was charged with possession of hallucinogenic mushrooms, a felony, and possession of marijuana, a misdemeanor, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Leshner told police three men who told him they wanted to purchase marijuana entered his home and robbed him and three of his friends. He said the armed men forced him to open his safe, and then got away with $2,000, an Apple laptop and an unknown amount of marijuana. Police said Leshner's friends were also robbed and one suffered minor injuries from pistol-whipping. Leshner was released on his own recognizance. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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No Global Warming in Colorado. This was south of Silverton. Large size
From the Tech Support Pits: From Rosa Re: Window out of moving range Dear Webby I, or some silly ad, somehow moved a window too high up. Now I can't see or grab the top edge to pull it farther down or close it. I know if I close it with ALT F4, the next one will open in the same, out of range position. Is there a trick to rescue that window and move it farther down? Thanks, Rosa Dear Rosa Hold down ALT and click the space bar type M Hold down SHIFT and use the DOWN arrow to move the window down. Each time you hit the keyboard down arrow, the window outline moves down a tiny little bit. When it is down far enough, hit Enter and it jumps to the position outlined. Have FUN Dear Webby

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out: "Do you really think I'd give you that information for a lousy fifty cents?"

Deeli's Kudos April 22, 2008 - Orlando, Florida - AP Walt Disney World seems to have worked its magic on a Massachusetts couple who accidentally threw away three platinum and diamond wedding rings. While tidying up their villa as they prepared to leave the park late last week, Paul Campanale dumped a cardboard bowl, not knowing the container inside it held his wife Karen's engagement, wedding and five-year-anniversary rings. Park employees warned the couple from Worcester, Mass., that recovering the jewelry was all but impossible. So on Friday, the Campanales and their two children loaded onto a Magical Express bus and headed to the airport. Back at the Wilderness Lodge resort, executive housekeeper Drew Weaver realized that trash from the Campanales' villa hadn't reached the industrial-size compactor yet. He and seven other volunteers donned protective clothing, emptied a parking lot bin and waded through bag after bag of rubbish to find the rings. And they did. Paul Campanale, 37, a chemist, received the good news on his cell phone and Weaver met the family to deliver the rings. Karen Campanale, 35, a teacher, said she was shocked by the find. http://www.happynews.com/news/4222008/d ... ay-odd.htm

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please do not eat any of the other employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you, however, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads 'No.' After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others: "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals shouted, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything! But noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Online Banking Use online banking to cut down on the amount of paperwork you have to organize. Also, most credit card companies allow you to pay bills online and you can have them send you electronic statements by email. You can save them digitally and print when you need them. For More Tips On Banking, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_447.html Click Here For More Moving Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One workman asks another, "How long have you been working here?" The other one replies, "Since they threatened to fire me."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Virtual Earth:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version







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Dear Webby: Icon for showing clean desktop 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday April 22

Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes
Judi was in England with a tour group. They had to cross the road so they used the 'Pelican crossing' [pedestrain crossing]. When the light goes to 'Walk' they emit a high pitched beeping. Judi asked what the noise was. Her guide replied it was for the blind. Judi responded, 'Oh, we don't allow blind drivers in the States!'
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Returning home from work, this lady in Baltimore, a town famous for their excellent K-9 police squads, had been shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcasted the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the woman ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND cop!"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April 21, 2008 - London, UK - UPI Lord Justice Ward of London's Appeal Court said Robert Beton had an "arguable" case that a Kingston County Court judge may have erred in siding with neighbor Colin Streets in Beton's suit, which claimed Streets had erected a fence that cut off two small triangles of Beton's garden that totaled slightly less than one quarter of an acre. The county judge ruled the property belonged to Streets due to the legal principle of adverse possession because the fence had been up for several years before Beton issued a challenge. However, Beton claimed he did not see the fence until 2005 because it had been blocked by rhododendron bushes that died that year. Ward ruled to allow the appeal, but he chided the neighbors, both millionaires, for allowing the dispute, which has cost the neighbors a total of $600,000, to continue. "Just how much is this stupid piece of land worth? What you are arguing over is a few rhododendron bushes," he said. "You're all potty." Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Some people told me to get off the rocks. OK, here I am UNDER a rock near Marble Canyon, Arizona
From the Tech Support Pits: From Don Re: Icon for desktop Dear Webby, I have Windows XP Home Edition with service pack 1. Can you please tell me where in Win XP I might find the icon for the desk top, or how I may create one? I have searched every where in the computer that i can think of. but am unable to find a desk top icon or how to create one, thanks for your help. Don Dear Don The Windows Key plus D works the best for that. However, if you have an ancient keyboard without the Windows key, you can make a taskbar icon for it. Make a text file with notepad or wordpad and save it into c:\windows\ as Show Desktop.scf Paste this into that file: __________________ [Shell] Command=2 IconFile=explorer.exe,3 [Taskbar] Command=ToggleDesktop ___________________ Then make a shortcut to that file, drag that shortcut to the desktop drag it from the desktop to the task bar next to the START button. That taskbar icon will then work the same as if you had hit the Windows key and "D". Have FUN! Dear Webby

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I haven't got a clue," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. When he heard that, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and Revernd Hibbert next door shot himself."

Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2008 - US - Reuters Harry Lee McGinnis, better known as "The Hawk," has trekked through all 50 states, criss-crossed the Continent, and explored the depths of Asia, Africa, and South America, carrying only a 100-pound backpack and a large steel-tipped walking staff, walking everywhere he goes. You might imagine this intrepid adventurer as a young Indiana Jones type, but picture Indy's dad instead: McGinnis is 80 years old. His age hasn't slowed him down for a second, though. For the last 18 years, this World War II veteran and former Methodist minister has committed his life to exploring the world by foot, taking other means of transportation only under extremely rare circumstances. To date, he's made his way through 66 different countries and making new friends in every country he passes through. His feet have logged about 80,000 miles so far, and he plans to explore Central America and Mexico before finally concluding his round-the-world journey in Texas. Until then, he's writing updates about his international adventures on his website, Walk of the Hawk. He doesn't expect to be finished with his journey until 2010 or 2012, but he's still got plenty of plans for the rest of his days: When he finally heads home, he'll write a book about his decades of wandering the planet. And after that? "I want to play tennis at 100," though he concedes "it might have to be doubles." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/9 ... _the_World

Answering machine message: "This is the microwave. The answering machine eloped with the VCR and is currently not available. I can't record your message, but if you want me to boil your brain, please hold your phone close to your head."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Floors Clean When Moving In To prevent footprints in your new home, create walkways with drop cloths where the movers will be walking. If you have a lot of people helping with you move, have half the people unload the truck and half the people distribute the items throughout the house with clean shoes or no shoes. Click Here For More Moving Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Friends took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec. When he awoke, he saw the French highway signs and said in a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep."
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Dear Webby: Modify pictures before resizing 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday April 21

"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it--they're the ones falling down the most!" --Jay Leno "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL." -- Lynn Lavner
An embarrassed young woman was farting uncontrollably when her date was due to arrive. She was an accomplished pianist so to drown the noise she offered the play the Storm Scene from the William Tell Overture. She had concluded the piece when she felt another fart attack on its way and quickly asked him if he would like another tune on the piano. "Well if it is that storm scene again," he said, "can you leave out the bit where the lightning strikes the outhouse?
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After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's me. And don't call the last one. That's my receptionist. She's a silly bimbo. You can do a lot better than that!"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the speaker of the British House of Commons April 3, 2008 - London, UK - UPI The speaker of the British House of Commons has admitted that taxpayers paid the taxi fare when his wife went shopping. The Parliamentary Commissioner of Standards, the official in charge of looking into allegations of corruption in Parliament, is to investigate Michael Martin. Mary Martin reportedly spent 4,000 pounds ($8,000) on taxis to and from the supermarket. Mike Wallace of the alliance said the speaker should stand aside until the investigation is completed, calling it inappropriate for someone who appears to have taken advantage of the parliamentary expense system to be in charge of it. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-327558-522072
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Near Page, Arizona
From the Tech Support Pits: From Rollie RE: Modify pictures before resizing? Dear Webby, Is it better to sharpen, lighten, darken etc on a digital picture before or after resizing it to the size needed? Thanks Rollie Dear Rollie It's best to do any picture tuning before you reduce the size. All those changes get blended in and look more natural after the resizing operation. The resizing should be the final operation before saving it under a new name. I usually don't save during any tuning, just in case I need an original version. Have FUN! Dear Webby

A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached, some planetarium directors in Southern California sent out warnings to the community about the eclipse. They warned people not to look directly into the sun. The planetarium received an indignant letter from a local resident. She said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.

Deeli's Kudos February 24, 2007 - Sacramento, California - UPI A California state senator presented a bill to require a law enforcement officer on board all cruise ships leaving the state's ports, officials said. If the bill is passed, California would have the toughest regulations in the $35.7 billion business, which became the center of public and congressional scrutiny after multiple reported cases of sexual assault, missing people and overboard passengers. "We've got air marshals on planes with a couple hundred passengers, but we've got no one on board the cruise ships with 10 times the number of passengers," said Sen. Joe Simitian, author of the bill. Simitian reportedly said the ship's security officers, which the ship's hire themselves, have a "conflict of interest between public regulations goals of the employer and the public safety requirements of the passenger. " http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-307704-698552

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- have you never seen a little boy before?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Cut Too Much at Once Don't mow more than 1/3 of the grass height in one mowing. If you need to cut really long grass, mow it over a couple of days, cutting 1/3rd of the grass on each day. If your grass is growing too quickly, try scaling back how much you water and fertilize it. For More Lawn Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Gardening_Lawn_497_521.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A walker exploring the delights of the Isle of Mull lost his way in the mist and wandered around aimlessly for three days. At last, the mist rose slightly and he saw a man in the distance. "Help" he cried and stumbled towards the man who waited for him to reach him. "Whit's the matter" said the local man. "I'm lost and I've been wandering around for three days" replied the hiker. "Is there a reward out for ye, dae ye think?" asked the local. The walker said he didn't think there would be. "In that case, you're still lost" said the local and faded into the mist.

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: The Science Channel
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: List of hotels / motels that allow pets 



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Good Morning, Text-Start !
It's Sunday April 20

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! --- Friedrich Nietzsche
A couple went to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to take a leak in the meanest way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms. He searched in vain for the bathrooms, but he finally found a beautiful fountain with foliage, and nobody seemed to be watching, so he decided to relieve himself right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act was well under way. He searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked. "Miss it?" she said, "You were in it!"
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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?"
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to April 19, 2008 - New York - UPI Experts said blueprints for New York's planned Freedom Tower that were found in a garbage can contained details that could have been useful to terrorists. The experts said the two sets of 150-page blueprints, which were marked "Secure Document -- Confidential," contained floor-by-floor schematics that, in the wrong hands, could be used to plan a major attack against the building. "Any time a sensitive document is unintentionally left behind, it's a treasure trove for a potential adversary," said Robert Strang, chief executive of security firm Investigative Management Group. "It enables them to look for vulnerabilities in design that they can target -- an age-old military tactic." The two sets of blueprints, one of which is missing 14 pages, were found in a city garbage can by a homeless man in the SoHo neighborhood of New York's Manhattan borough. "They were right on top, and the garbage truck came along 10 minutes later," said Mike Fleming, the man who found the blueprints. "I was outraged, because this is priceless and it could get into the wrong hands."
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Dear Webby, Thought that you might like to see how the humming birds are faring in the latest snow to hit Oregon. The picture is taken at the 1200-foot level in the Oregon coast range. The Picture was taken this morning. Goldie
From the Tech Support Pits: >From Sharon Re: List of motels that allow pets Dear Weby, Is there a site that lists pet friendly motels along the way? I do not relish the thought of sleeping in the car with my dog while everyone else is inside sleeping in a bed. I'd sure appreciate your or your readers help on this problem. Thank you, Sharon Dear Sharon As long a it's not a yappy Chihuahua or similar dog that might annoy all the other guests, most motels nowadays allow small dogs and working dogs. Larger dogs are a bit of a problem. Even if the motel has a "Pets Welcome" sign, if the dogs drool, slobber, shed, or look like they might scare somebody into running through the new rose hedge, then the Vacancy sign suddenly changes to NO Vacancy until after you have gone away. If you are not sure how your dog will behave during the inspection in the motel or hotel lobby, then it would be a good idea to talk to your vet and discuss medication. Keeping those basic rules in mind, here is a site that lists pet friendly hotels and motels by state: http://www.petswelcome.com/milkbone/sitemapframe.html They also list B&B's and cabins. If enough people find this link useful, I'll put it permanently into the left side margin. Have FUN Dear Webby

A white haired man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend" he said. The jeweler looked through his stock, and took out an outstanding ring priced at $5,000. "I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique," he said. At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" "I'll pay by check, but, of course, the bank would want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, then I'll fetch the ring on Monday". Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You crook, you lied. There's no money in that account." "I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?

Deeli's Kudos

An old farmer in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he had not been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." "I'm just here to feed the alligators."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Recycled Containers Recycled plastic food containers or old tupperware containers are great for making sand castles or playing in the bathtub. They also can usually be stored within one another so they don't take up much space when they are no longer being used for toys. Click Here For More Tips On Reusing http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html For More Plumbing Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_614.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Dwayne, Dianne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately Dianne pleaded,in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live."

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: History of the Printed Tablecloth
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: List of file names 



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Good Morning, Text-Start !
It's Saturday April 19

There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that there Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
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A wise, old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. People were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling instead of the weather channel."
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Genesee County Road Commission April 18, 2008 - Flint, Michigan - UPI Police in Flint, Mich., said two officers were billed a total $170.62 by the county for damaging a sign during a car chase. The Genesee County Road Commission billed Officers Joseph Hall and Clarence Banks $56.87 each after a guardrail and "signal ahead" sign were run over by the officers while pursing a stolen vehicle last November, WNEM-TV in Flint reported Tuesday. Keith Speer, president of the Flint Police Officers Association, said the billing was unprecedented during his 22 years with the organization. "I don't know who's going to pay for it, but our officers are not going to pay for it," Speer said. "It's ridiculous." The suspect who allegedly drove the stolen car has also been billed $56.87 for the damaged property. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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From the Tech Support Pits: >From Kate RE: List of file names Dear Webby I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't want dates or sizes, just the file names. How is that done? Kate Dear Kate The easiest way is to use DOS. First make a directory (folder) where you keep those lists. Then click on START, RUN and type: cmd That opens a DOS window. Type "cd" (without the quotes), then a space, then the name of the folder that you want listed. Hit Enter. The prompt should now be showing the same as what you saw in the top address bar in Windows Explorer. Now type "dir /b > dirlist.txt" instead of dirlist.txt you can use any file name you want, but make the extension ".txt" Now you can use any word processor or even a spreadsheet program to open "dirlist.txt", format it the way you want it, and print it. You can even paste the contents of "dirlist.txt" into programs for making CD and DVD case inserts. Have FUN Dear Webby

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie...... So I rented him a tuxedo!"

Deeli's Kudos April 15, 2008 - Victoria, British Columbia - UPI Three Canadian veterinarians have ponied up $2.2 million for an island off British Columbia as a vacation resort for rescued dogs. All three animal doctors are from the province of Alberta, and have been involved in helping "special needs" dogs, including four dogs who survived Hurricane Katrina, which devastated the U.S. Gulf Coast in 2005. The three bought Rabbit Island from a California man in January, and have since made it a human and canine retreat. Dr. Pilar Gosselin and fellow vets Dave Brace and Dave Szentimrey plan to allow only a few dogs to stay to run free on the island, which has a lodge, four cabins, a bathhouse, a desalination plant and equipment to produce solar and wind power. "I've committed myself to making the dogs' lives better," Gosselin said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Donna was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner knew her, and remembered that she still had not paid a bill from half a year ago, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So Donna went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, Rachel, came home and said, "What are you doing?" Donna told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Rachel rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fix Leaky Toilets A leaky toilet can waste 50 gallons or more per day. To test to see your toilet is leaking, put drops of food coloring into the toilet tank. Wait 15 minutes. If color has made it's way to the bowl, you have a leak. Try replacing the flush valve in the tank to correct the problem. For More Plumbing Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_614.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One morning, while shaving, George started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Free Puzzle Games with Shockwave
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Camera Cable or Chip Reader 

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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday April 18
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!


Spare no expense to save money on this one. -- Samuel Goldwyn
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc,it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't get that silly jar open!"
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From school: Why did your mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a thief in Dortmund, Germany Thanks to Arturas for this submission. April 16, 2008 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters Three days after stealing a rare collection of coins, a thief in Germany took them to the bank for safe keeping and delivered them into the hands of the man he had robbed. "I don't think the thief was expecting that," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Dortmund on Tuesday. Soon after the thief made the deposit, a bank worker handling the coins recognized them as the set worth some 50,000 euros ($80,000) that had been stolen from his house. Police tracked down the 36-year-old suspect and arrested him, securing a haul of other stolen goods in the process.
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Guess who? Sure was windy up there!
From the Tech Support Pits: From Francisca RE: Camera cable or Chip Reader ? Dear Webby What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends has one type, another friend has the other type, and of course each claims their version is better. What is YOUR recommendation ? Francisca Dear Francisca The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable. (Keep the camera-to-TV cable) If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer via a very special cable and program, you are totally out of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a canoe trip and don't have the computer along. If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy, and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets that you get on some belts. A memory chip reader is $12 - $15 and reads 8MB to 4GB memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips, and I also use them instead of floppies. When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them right on the chip. Also, keep in mind that slow transfer via cable drains the 6 Volt camera battery. It tries to charge up the 5 Volt USB port! Have FUN Dear Webby

"Information Superhighway" is really an acronym for 'Interactive Network For Organizing, Retrieving, Manipulating, Accessing And Transferring Information On National Systems, Unleashing Practically Every Rebellious Human Intelligence, Gratifying Hackers, Wiseacres. And Yahoos'." -- Keven Kwaku

Deeli's Kudos April 17, 2008 - Dallas, Texas - UPI A Dallas judge Wednesday ordered the release of a prison inmate who served 23 years in prison before being cleared by DNA testing. The Innocence Project said in a written statement that its client, Thomas McGowan, would likely walk out of prison sometime Thursday, making him the 13th person in Dallas County to be proven innocent through DNA testing. "Thomas McGowan was in his mid-20s when he was arrested, and he'll turn 50 later this year," said Innocence Project Co-Director Barry Scheck. McGowan was actually convicted twice in a 1980 burglary and rape in Richardson and was sentenced to two life terms based on witness identification. The victim tentatively identified McGowan as her attacker in a photo lineup; however she was prevented from expressing doubts about her certainty in her statements. The officer forced the victim into certainty when she wasn't sure whether Mr. McGowan was the perpetrator. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

It is sometimes easy to forget how easily email technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago, for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on her computer screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband P.S. Sure is hot down here.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Caring For Leather Jackets Don't leave leather items in the back of your car on sunny days. Heat and sunlight can dry and bleach out the leather. Hairspray or perfume can damage the finish. If it gets wet, let it dry at room temperature. Store with room to breathe. Click Here For More Clothing Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Clothing_Tips_1220_1222.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Q: What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice? A: A Religious Movement.

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Smithsonian Institute:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: I want uncluttered favorites 

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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday April 17

Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. -- Hector Berlioz yeah, happens to writers too.
A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
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It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award for taking himself out of the gene pool, goes to a man in Puyallup, Washington Blew his top April 16, 2008 - Puyallup, Washington - UPI An agitated Washington man allegedly making homemade bombs blew himself up Tuesday, authorities said. The unidentified man blasted the roof off his Puyallup, Wash., home, causing the house to burn to the ground, KOMO-TV in Seattle reported. Pierce County Sheriff spokesman Ed Troyer said a couple called 911 after finding their 26-year-old roommate angry and handling explosives. The station reported that when police arrived the man ran upstairs with a duffel bag full of explosives. Troyer said the man began playing music loudly and deputies backed away from the house. Moments later the top floor of the house exploded, Troyer said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
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Have you ever wondered, while flying over the US, what those big red deserts the size of European or African countries look like from close up? This picture is half a panorama, with the width compressed four times as much as the height. Behind me it looked about the same. A full panorama with equal compression for width and height would have given you a picture just as wide, but only as high as a text line. You can see it in 3000 x 600 pixels at this link: 3000 x 600 Depending on yur connection speed, that may take a while to load!
From the Tech Support Pits: From Cindy Re: Uncluttered Favorites Dear Webby, The "favorites" in my browser are too difficult to organize and I want to make shortcuts to them in little clusters on the desktop. Thanks, Cindy Dear Cindy Reduce your browser window so that the area, where you want to park the short-cut icons, is visible. Then go to a site, and drag the little icon in the left of the browser address bar onto that empty spot on the desktop. You can rename the icon text to something shorter and more memorable. Once things get too cluttered, make some folders in some directory on the drive, NOT on the desktop! Then make desktop shortcuts to those folders, give the shortcuts distinctive icons, and drag the icons from those clusters into those folders. One of the reasons for not using desktop folders for that, is that it is difficult to change the icons of desktop folders, and a stack of identical lookng manila folders does not help for organizing things. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to BillieBob in Bama: How can you tell Leroy is at a Cock fight? He's the one who brought the duck. How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight? He's the one who bets on the duck. How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight? The duck wins.

Deeli's Kudos April 15, 2008 - Jackson, Michigan - AP Jackson County Undersheriff Tom Finco said the department was paying back Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class Tim Moore as ''a goodwill gesture'' ''Moore said it wasn't necessary, he understood, but we sent him a check anyway,'' Finco said. Moore, 24, who had just returned from Iraq, was driving on Interstate 94 on April 2 when he saw an ambulance parked on the side. He pulled over and comforted a woman whose fiance had suffered a heart attack inside the ambulance. When the rescuers learned of Moore's medical training, they asked if he would help administer CPR. He left his truck on the exit ramp and got in. In the meantime, Moore's truck, parked partly over the white line marking the side of the road, was deemed a travel hazard and towed. Moore, now stationed at Camp Lejeune, N.C., said people have been sending checks to his parents after word spread about the towing bill, but he plans to donate that money to veterans' charities. http://www.happynews.com/news/4152008/s ... g-bill.htm

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Adam?", God replies. "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I am just not happy" "Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens. "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely." "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a "woman" for you." "What's a "woman", Lord?" "This "woman" will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want, even before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice. "Sounds great!" Adam says with a grin on his face. "She will be, but this is going to cost you." "Oh, how much will this "woman" cost me Lord?", Adam replies. "She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle." Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib? The rest, of course, is history.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080401@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recommended Supplies for a Basic Emergency Kit: Be sure to have an emergency kit in your house. It should include: Water and food for 3 days, a battery-powered radio, flashlight and extra batteries, a First Aid kit, basic tools for shelter and repair. Also include any unique family needs such as prescription medications, baby needs and documents. Get More Information on Emergency Preparation Here http://www.ready.gov/america/index.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I never would have married you if I knew how stupid you were!" shouted the woman to her husband! The husband replied, "You should've known how stupid I am, the minute I asked you to marry me!"

Thanks to Dianne for the Bonus Link for today: Lynx and Bobcat Photos:
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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