Willy Whacker 

Bangladeshi Woman Takes Attacker's Penis To Police

by AFP

DHAKA, Bangladesh - A 40-year-old Bangladeshi woman cut off a man's penis during an alleged attempted rape and took it to a police station as evidence, police in a remote part of the country said Monday.

The woman, a married mother of three, was attacked Saturday night while she was sleeping in her shanty in Jhalakathi district, some 120 miles south of Dhaka, officers said.

"As he tried to rape her, the lady cut his penis off with a knife. She then wrapped up the penis in a piece of polythene and brought it to the Jhalakathi police station as evidence of the crime," police chief Abul Khaer said.

The woman filed a case accusing the man -- who is also 40 and a married father of five -- of attempted rape, saying that he harassed her for six months.

The severed penis was kept at the police station, and the rape suspect was undergoing treatment in the hospital.

"We shall arrest him once his condition gets better," Khaer added.

Copyright 2011 AFP. All rights reserved.

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/interna ... 110531-ncx



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How do I make Chrome the default browser? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 31

A friend in China asked me if the strong rethoric by Chinese 
politicians about the US getting Osama Bin Laden, and that 
China just gave Pakistan 50 brand new jet fighters, is going 
to cause friction with the US.

Not likely. Those jets had probably been ordered by Gadafi,
but he can't receive them right now. To keep the industry
busy, they have to get rid of those jets somehow.

As far as the US is concerned, don't worry. The Sheikh will
apologize.

Walmart, Sears, HP, IBM, DELL, etc. will continue buying 
their goods in China, and Microsoft, seems to have shifted 
their program development to China.

Remember Maxthon? IE6 turned out to be just like it.
W8 is being tested in China right now.

If here is any interest in what W8 is going to be about,
I'll write about it tomorrow, but I have a hunch, most of you
are just lusting after the machines, that will be powerful
enough to run W8.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay." --- Socratex Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain "Of cheerfulness, or a good temper - the more it is spent, the more of it remains." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Q - What does "DNA" stand for? A - National Association of Dyslectics. Since my typo fingers are a bit dyslexic, I get asked that question quite frequently.
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

A criminal who had been convicted of several murders and robbery, was sentenced to death by the judge of the court. It was decided that the criminal will be shot by a firing squad on a particular day. On that very day, the weather was very foul. It rained cats and dogs. There was not sufficient light to see anything clearly. But duty is duty so the captain of the squad along with his five soldiers took the criminal and started walking to the spot. On the way the criminal told the Captain, "See,what a weather! I am not afraid of death, but this day is not suitable for dying. What do you think?" "Truly, the weather is very foul", the Captain replied, "But you are fortunate.You are only going one way. Just think how soaked we are going to get! We have to walk all the way back!".
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gerald Sisneros, 28 in Santa Fe, NM Man tried to remove curb paint SANTA FE, N.M. (UPI) -- Police in New Mexico said they arrested a man who attempted to remove yellow paint from the curb by his house and shattered the windshield of a patrol car. Santa Fe police said Gerald Sisneros used paint remover on the curb outside his home because he disagreed with the neighborhood association's decision to have it painted as a no-parking zone, KRQE-TV, Albuquerque, reported Thursday. Police said Sisneros threw a brick at an arriving patrol car and shattered the vehicle's windshield. Officers said he continued to throw items, including a horseshoe that made contact with an officer. Investigators said the suspect barricaded himself in his house and police were able to subdue him with a stun gun after about 30 minutes. Sisneros is facing charges including battery on a peace officer, police said
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Make Chrome the default browser Dear Webby, SO very happy to see you're still on the road to a great recovery; you really had us scared. I have a question that may sound dumb, but is there a way to get my letter from you to open in Google Chrome rather than Internet Explorer? IE is so darn slow lately, and Chrome is so fast, it's really becoming frustrating. Thanks, and please, stay well. Bonnie Dear Bonnie Just make Chrome your default browser for HTML and HTM files. Access the Tools menu by clicking on the “wrench” icon positioned in the upper right hand corner of Chrome. Click “Options”. This will open Google Chrome Options window. Click on the “Basics” tab if it is not selected. In the “Default browser” section click on the button that says “Make Google Chrome my default browser”. Once you click this button, a green text will be displayed saying “The default browser is currently Google Chrome”. Click “Close” to exit Google Chrome Options window The "Close" acts like "Apply and OK". Don't escape out of that screen. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell - me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is - m - ass out?" "Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make "Lasagna" From Leftover Macaroni Leftover macaroni with tomato sauce can be transformed to lasagna (instead of using lasagna noodles). Just add some fresh vegetables and cheese. Put everything on an oiled baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees F. After it's ready put some more cheese on top and serve. By Danush from CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This one is a real classic: Mary noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. She commented, "I don't think that's going to help." "Sure it will." Bob said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers." --------- With my scale I have to bend down to be able to read the little numbers. I had originally bought it many years ago as a cheap postage scale and never bothered weighing myself. Now, though, I have to keep track of not only blood sugar, but also my weight. One doctor told me to expect to gain 30 pounds or more due to ending the smoking, and another one told me that the walking and exercising would convert 15 pounds of lightweight blubber into 30 pounds of heavy muscle, and a nurse told me that if I follow the diabetes diet very closely, I would lose weight. The heart doctor, who did the operation, told me to cut out salt, and that the daily fluctuations in weight reflected how much water was retained between cells due to salt. To figure out what is going on, I enter the numbers into a spreadsheet every morning. The spreadsheet shows the results in a neat graph. I can see the daily fluctuations due to salt. Obviously I don't gain or loose two pounds in a day. So that is water retention due to salt. I also notice a slight and steady creep upward. That is probably partly due to not smoking any more, and since I don't need larger pants, it must also be due to the conversion of fat into muscle. Looking at the graph sure seems to help staying on target!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they would not let him in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying."

» Red Hair Day






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What is RSS? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 30

Happy Memorial Day!

Sunday was very nice and warm, but it sure cooled off after the
sun set, and now it is around freezing. Being close to snow 
covered mountains does seem to have some drawbacks!

I did get the lawn cut, front and back. The rainy week sure
made it and the dandylions grow like crazy the moment the
rains stopped. Especially the back lawn was a sea of bright 
yellow. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." --- Nikos Kazantzakis
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. "You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them." "All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board." "Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. "Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him tobacco." "A ha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half-wit!" "You ARE talkin' to him," said the farmer.
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be per- formed. "Dad," our teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you a phone."
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Furchak,29, of Millsboro, Delaware Napping burglar flees with beer in hand LONG NECK, Del. -- A Delaware burglar is facing charges after being caught napping in a home and fleeing with a beer in hand. Delaware State Police say a 63-year-old woman in Long Neck woke up to find her front door open and someone sleeping on her couch. The homeowner told the man she would be calling police. The man ran out with a beer -- one of several he apparently consumed at the house. Upon arrival, state troopers found that the man had cut a screen on the woman’s porch to get into the house. Police say a state trooper later found 29-year-old Bradley Furchak of Millsboro walking along a road, drinking the beer. Furchak is charged with burglary, theft, drug and alcohol charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sir Squirrel Re: What is RSS? Dear Webby, Excuse my eg no rance, Webby, but what do the letters RSS stand for of mean? Sir Squirrel Dear Sir Squirrel RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication The gory details are at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RSS In summary, for most people, RSS is an obnoxious nuisance. For authoritarian figures like probation officers and teachers, it is an efficient way to distribute assignments and homework. If you WANT to receive the Humor Letter via RSS, you CAN install an RSS reader, and tell it to check http://humor.webby.com/blog/rss.php You will probably soon unsubscribe from that, but go ahead and try it for a few days, just to see what it is al about. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago used bio-degradable cellphones.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Glove on Either Your Right or Left Hand I'm right handed and while using rubber gloves, I wear out the right hand glove before the left one. When I have two perfectly good left hand gloves, I turn one inside out and instantly I have a right hand glove to go with my other left hand glove. A little bath powder sprinkled inside the glove makes it comfortable and easy to get on and off. Works for me. By hate litter from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My cousin took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On her very first call, she introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." A man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light! Did my dog leave some pee-mail on you ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Johnny asked his father to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and frustration. His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered, he asked, "Can I speak to Bill, please?" "No! There's no one called Bill here," the person who answered the phone replied. His father hung up. "That's irritation," he said. He picked up the phone again, dialled the same number, and asked for Bill a second time. "No, there's no one here called Bill. Go away. If you call again I'll call the cops," the person replied. His father hung up and said, "That's aggravation." "Then what's frustration?" asked Johnny. His father picked up the phone and dialled the same number a third time. "Hello, this is Bill. Have there been any messages for me?"

» Tanzania






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Political Correctness 

Sometimes you are encouraged about our country's future when you see something like this.

Specifically, there is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term.

This year's term was: Political Correctness

The winner wrote:

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."



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RSS versus Newsletters 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 29

A lot of people asked me about the confusion at Microsoft, their
CEO Ballmer announcing Windows 8 to be ready next year, 
with "Windows 8 slates, tablets, PCs, a variety of different 
form factors", and official spokespersons claiming that
"Ballmer may have mis-spoke and Microsoft is looking 
forward to the next generation of Windows 7-based hardware."

Yeah, right. W7 is not really loved any more than VISTA was.
Industry and Commerce are hanging on to XP machines and 
threatening to migrate to Linux, if they can't get W7+ with
XP pre-installed. Sure people bitch about it, but in the end, 
they pay the extra $70 penalty for using XP.

It's not really a bad deal. You get W7 free, on shrink-wrapped 
beer coasters, and pay $70 for XP, less than when XP was 
still for sale openly.

As for Windows 8, all I know is that it takes a 4 GHz dual 
processor and 8 GB of RAM. Imagine how fast XP will fly 
on a machine built for W8 !  Yeehaw!!!!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. --- Jane Wagner
Thanks to Flo for this one: The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five dollars," said the teacher, "and I asked you to lend me three dollars, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask me to lend you three dollars, but from the way your car sounds, your credit rating is shot, and I am not about to lend you any money."
Click through the picture to the large version. Geiser, Iceland
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Myra mays, 22, in Bradenton, FL Shoplifter Goes On Violent Rampage After Being Asked For Receipt This is a textbook example of how not to behave when asked for your receipt at a store's exit. According to the Bradenton, Florida police, 22 year old Myra Mays tried to leave a Walmart with 43 items she hadn't paid for, worth a total of $211. When asked for her receipt, she went on a destructive rampage, causing more than $1,000 worth of damage to merchandise. She also punched and spat on store employees, and hit a manager with a bar stool from inside her cart. She made her way into the parking lot, where she began ramming carts into cars, then spitting on and punching employees. When the cops arrived, she chucked her cell phone at them. She also spit on and kicked a cruiser when she was placed in the back seat. She was examined by medics when she arrived at the Manatee County Jail. That's when she admitted to ingesting pills of unknown origin. She also barfed all over the place. Police officers discovered marijuana in her purse, and she has been charged with, among other things, aggravated assault and battery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brian Re: RSS or Newsletter Dear Webby, What is better, RSS or a newsletter? This consultant told us to give up our newsletter, and instead focus on RSS and Social Media for our marketing. What is your opinion? Actually, I don't really understand RSS. Brian Dear Brian Put that consultant on commission. Tie his fee to the results you get by following his advice. I have a hunch he will leave rather suddenly. Newsletters, just like newspapers, focus on having new and fresh content every day. RSS is based on new content much less frequently, but being obnoxious about it and lighting up an alert on your desktop, whenever there is an update. RSS works fine for home schooling, where a teacher can alert the kids about new assignments ready for downloading. In the business world most people unsubscribe from most RSS alerts in a month or two, but remain subscribed to newsletters. For example, I have a choice of getting RSS alerts from NASA, or their emailed newsletter. I unsubscribed from their RSS many years ago, but still get their newsletter. I quietly filter it into the NASA box, and read it, when I have time or need to know something. Unless you are in an authority position, like a teacher or probation officer, RSS might be convenient for YOU, but rarely for your cutomers or potential customers. Re Social Media: Lots of fun for times, when you are on hold on the phone. You can amuse your choir and your friends, but don't expect a lot of new clients, if any. Since you are more or less expected to have a page on FaceBook now, just like you were expected to have one on MySpace a few years ago, it is usually best to delegate that. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Glove on Either Your Right or Left Hand I'm right handed and while using rubber gloves, I wear out the right hand glove before the left one. When I have two perfectly good left hand gloves, I turn one inside out and instantly I have a right hand glove to go with my other left hand glove. A little bath powder sprinkled inside the glove makes it comfortable and easy to get on and off. Works for me. By hate litter from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves. One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities." Saint Peter says, "Enter." The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people." Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven. The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care." Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too." As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days..."

» Flags and Nations






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Weatherproof printing 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 28

Still raining. They evacuated the campground down by the
river. That sure reminded me of a flooded campground in
Nanaimo in 1970.

After arriving in New York had hitchhiked up to Montreal 
and then westward from there. Even though I had paired up
with a girl from L.A., who was not nearly as naive and 
innocent as I was, people delighted in scaring us with all
kinds of stories. 

In Winnipeg we got a pup tent in exchange for me mowing 
a huge lawn. Then people scared us about rattle snakes crawling
into tents and into sleeping bags. So we bought an orange tarp
big enough to be a floor and one and a half  foot high walls 
for the tent, after we sewed it all on. We just folded the corners 
and did not cut them.

After getting to the end of the continent we took the ferry to
Victoria, trying to get my education papers accredited.
After that, we hitchiked north to Nanaimo and stayed at the
camp ground overnight.

It was a rather noisy night in spite of the rain. Lots of 
yelling and commotion all night. Since it was still raining
in the morning, Mary and me were in no hurry to get up,
but when we did, we sure got a surprise!

The campground was flooded and the water was half way 
up the sides of the orange anti-snake "tub", even though
I had picked a high spot just from habit.

Some people had built camp fires on top of picnic benches
and were trying to dry their clothes, and there was thick
smoke and fog wafting between the trees. The general mood
was not cheerful at all.

We traipsed around barefoot and in shorts and it took us
almost until noon, until we had everything packed up without
getting anything soaked. The trick was suspending our
packsacks from trees and loading the stuff from the tent
into them.

Even though we were reasonably dry, we were ny no means
warm and comfortable, and we were quite happy to get onto
a ferry and flee back to the mainland.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. --- Oscar Wilde Only drug dealers and software companies call their customers 'users.' --- Socratex
What is the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic.
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

At most universities some students operate a "bank" of term papers and other assignments. Nowadays you just buy a photocopy, but when I went to University you rented a hand typed copy for $5, and got $4 back if the number of smudges and beer stains had not increased noticeably. If it didn't come back or looked too badly abused, the $4 went to whoever typed up a fresh copy from the original. Officially the renter was just supposed to use the rented papers "for inspiration and as an example". Yeah, right. A similar system is in operation at the unnamed New England university where this story happened: There were papers to suit all needs and as it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade and C grade. A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his assignment, went to the "bank" and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for an inconspicious C, retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it should have had an A, and now I am glad to give it one!"
Thanks to Glenda for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes toEli Hutchins, 24, Lowell, Maine Naked man crashes truck into house, tenant fights him off with hammer (the rear end of his trucks looks better than him) South Berwick Police say a man crashed his truck into an apartment building Wednesday night, got out - while naked - and started fighting with a man he didn't even know in the building. Police say it started when 24-year-old Eli Hutchins got into a fight with his lover at an apartment complex in South Berwick, then took his truck and rammed it into the building, but police say that Hutchins drove into the apartment of someone else whom he doesn't know. Still, the South Berwick police chief says Hutchins fought with the tenant of the apartment, all while naked. The chief says that tenant started hitting the naked suspect in the head with a hammer to defend himself. Police showed up and arrested Hutchins immediately; they say he was quite obviously on drugs. The tenant and a 7-year-old child were in the building at the time of the impact, but no one was hurt. Hutchins is facing several charges, including assault and operating under the influence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: Protect printed pages from weather Dear Webby, We have to stick printed pages onto the outside of a metal door. They don't get rained on directly, but wind blown spray seems to be bad enough to ruin them sometimes in hours. What is the best way to protect the prints? Brenda Dear Brenda First, switch from an inkjet, that uses water based ink, to a laser printer. Laser printers melt colored wax into the paper. Water just beads off the waxed paper. The wind will eventually still ruin the paper, but chances are, by then you have fresh announcements anyway. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

Trisha is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-ten, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her sister leaned over to her. "Trisha," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet !"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Garden Plants With Wire Basket A wire in-basket (the ones that look like a freezer basket) can work hard outside too. Turn one upside down and place it over young plants to protect them from curious cats and other creatures. The metal grid keeps pets from uprooting or trampling delicate plants, such as herbs, and will allow your plants to grow freely. Source: Martha Stewart Living Magazine, March 2004 By cailifouhnofthemist from Williams Lake, B.C. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning, he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him. Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor. Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello, Speedy Morris it is!?" The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris"? "Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly. Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just Ninety-seven cents an issue, we can give you a ten-year subscription to Sports Illustrated!" His response was "No!", but not quite limited to that one word.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey. I think there might be some real merit to what this article says; that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son." "Well, thank heaven," said the wife. "At least our James has nothing standing in his way."

» Blue Angels






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Print selected text 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Ruby!

Had to go for an eye exam today. Because of my diabetes, 
there was a bunch of extra testing, and three different 
types of eye dilator drugs put into the eyes. Instead of 
wearing off in an hour or so, like these drops normally 
used to do, my vision is still blurry now. 

If you need to get that done, expect to need a driver for the
rest of the day, and don't plan on doing any reading or 
writing. It's a good time to do the floors, though.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing." --- Tom Dreesen "There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have." --- Don Herold
Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the tthree types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Canadian, Bud, and Miller?"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Blood Lily: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raufeal Waddy, 22 and Terrel Battle, 26, in Fayetteville, NC Police say two men beaten, stabbed and shot in botched robbery attempt Two men who police said tried to steal a woman's purse early Monday got more than they bargained for when as many as 15 of the victim's family members and friends rushed to her aid and then severely beat, shot and stabbed the robbers. Fayetteville police officers arrived at the scene of the melee in the Cambridge Arms apartments about 12:45 a.m. and found two men lying on the pavement of the parking lot with multiple stab and gunshot wounds. Police found a group of the woman's relatives walking in the parking lot covered in blood. One of the accused robbers was critically injured in the attack and remained on life support Monday, police said. The other was treated at Cape Fear Valley Medical Center and released. He was not charged. Maria Consuelo Ramirez Flores, a longtime friend who knew the victim's family when they were still in El Salvador, said through a translator Monday that robberies, break-ins and other crimes have been persistent problems in the area. The Hispanic community has gotten fed up, and some members decided to take matters into their own hands Monday morning, she said. According to police, 22-year-old Raufeal Waddy, of the 3900 block of Village Drive, and 26-year-old Terrel Battle, of the 1100 block of Clark Street, were armed with a handgun when they tried to rob Maria Guevara, 47, of her purse. One of the suspects, a known Blood gang member, was wearing a red bandana across his face when he approached Guevara, according to police. Guevara began screaming, alerting from 10 to 15 family members and friends who live in the same building, police spokesman Lt. Chris Davis said. They rushed out, and one of the alleged robbers fired a shot at them, he said. "The round passed through the clothing of Alex Echeverria, but failed to strike his body," Davis said. Guevara's family members then ran after the two robbers, caught them and disarmed them during a struggle, Davis said. "Both suspects were shot during the initial struggle, with the suspect's gun, and then the family severely beat, stabbed and cut both robbers," Davis said. No charges have been filed yet.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Print Selection Dear Webby, I like to print the tech advice. How can I do that without coping the whole letter. I highlight the paragraphs and try to cut copy etc. and it prints the whole letter. Renee Dear Renee Printing a highlighted section straight out of email quite often does not work. After highlighting a section, hit CTRL C then jump to a text editor or word processor, or spreadsheet, or even your email. Put your cursor where you want the copied stuff, then hit CTRL V to paste. If you have a 5 button mouse, then of couse just use the copy and paste buttons on the mouse. Once you have pasted your selection, you can print that. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

After being laid off, Judie papered the town with her resume. Days passed, and she hadn't received a single phone call. She decided to take a closer look at the copies her husband had printed at his real estate office. Judie quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while deemed to be accurate, is not guaranteed." -------------------------- While that would cause a chuckle to other job seekers, to an employer that says: "This dingbat is not only incompetent, but she will steal OUR paper to apply for her next resume!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Mailbox for Gardening Tools I use a hand painted decorated mailbox for storing hand garden tools and garden gloves outside. We recently put up a new mailbox and I wanted to recycle the old box. I spray painted the box black. Then I free hand painted flowers, etc. on the box sides, front and back. I stenciled "Sherrye's Garden Tools" on the top. I then sprayed the box with polyethylene to make it weather resistant as it will be sitting on the back porch. I already had all the supplies on hand so it only cost me my time. I will put my hand garden tools, etc. and my garden gloves in the box. By Sherrye from GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, I REALLY don't want to be president by the time I am your age !!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bob, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk".

» Wonderful Wilderness Office






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Kissing 




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Great Advertising Campaign 






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Lexmark sabotages older printers with fake driver update 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 26

Thank you, John!

We are definitely back in the cooling ripple. It isn't 
Mother Nature making a fool of Al Gore and the grant seekers
any more, this is simply a eturn to the cool period like
we had 30 - 35 years ago.

When the grant seekers start howling about a pending ice 
age again, then you will know we are close to the end of 
the cooling ripple and will soon get gullible warming again.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" --- George Bernard Shaw Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. --- Plato
Thanks to Donnie for this report: I told my friend .... This morning I waded across a raging river, escaped from a bear in the woods, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and climbed up an enormous tree! ... My friend said, " You must be some outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if THIS deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can too. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if even his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, then surely he can too. He stands up, gingerly steps out of the boat, and sinks. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"
Click through the picture to the large version. It's nice and sunny up above.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Endicot Jackson Jr, 40, in Jacksonville, FL 5-Year-Old Steers Car When Father Passes Out JACKSONVILLE | Authorities say a 5-year-old girl took the steering wheel and did her best to drive the car off the road after her father passed out. The 2010 Camaro jumped a curb, ran over landscaping and crashed into a parking sign before it came to a stop Monday evening. A Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office report indicates the child had a bloody nose and lower lip. Officers found 40-year-old Mark Endicot Jackson Jr unresponsive and staring at the ceiling. He later told officials he had taken Xanax and oxycodone earlier in the day. Jackson was charged with driving under the influence while accompanied by a minor. He remained in the Jacksonville Jail early today, with bail set at $3,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dimitris Re: Lexmark sabotages printers Dear Webby It has been reported that Lexmark is sending messages to the users to update their firmware, passing these changes off disguised as "product updates" or "system improvements" or printer enhancements or similar phrases used by the OEM printer manufacturer. However, installing these "updates" can leave the printer unable to accept any but the very newest Lexmark cartridges and really cause problems with remanufactured Lexmark cartridges. If you are happy with the printer's performance, then there will be no benefit for you to accept the phony "firmware upgrades". If you want to be sure to have the choice of a remanufactured cartridge from a trusted toner cartridges source like Atlantic Inkjet, then you should say No to ANY and all changes offered by Lexmark ® or Samsung ®, Dell ® or IBM ®. Dimitris Dear Dimitris Thank you for that important alert! Since my printer works just fine with toner from Atlantic Inkjet, I definitely won't mess with the drivers for it. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Safety Pin to Mark Front When Sewing When I make sweaters for myself or family, I mark the front of the sweater on the right side with a small safety pin. I use safety pins for holding sweater pieces together for sewing them too. They are small and easy to spot. By Linda from Kearney, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again..?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning fire pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ... they're too wet to burn!"

» Orange festival






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Read This 

The Truth About the Israeli "Occupiers"

By Robert Ringer

Now that our dear leader has again shown his contempt for Israel and his sentimental attachment to radical Muslims, Israelis are feeling the heat from Jew haters worldwide more than at any time since World War II. Obama's modern-day version of the final solution is for Israel to simply cooperate in its own suicide by giving up the Golan Heights, the West Bank, and the Gaza Strip. (Predictably, he has since fudged a bit on the issue for political purposes.)

Read More Here...


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What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 25

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Europe 'stealing Iran's rain'. 
Iran's version of Sheikh Obama, president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 
has accused Western countries of plotting to "cause drought" in 
Iran by using high tech equipment to drain the clouds of raindrops.

Because Mother Nature doesn't like bullshitters, moments after the 
Iranian president made the startling claim at the inauguration of 
a dam in a central province, it started to rain. 
He got soaked.

Amazing what some boneheads will do to amuse us!
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --- Sam Brown "A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time." --- Jay Leno
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best. What's the SECOND best?"
Thanks to Debbie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all your time and effort answering my questions, I don't know how you do it! Do you actually answer all your email or do you little elves helping you? I wanted to share this picture I took here in S.C. on my mother's deck, Debbie Dear Debbie There are no elves around here, but sometimes it gets rather late. DearWebby
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Hallock, 27 in Sebastian, Florida Son Arrested after Explosives Burn Mother SEBASTIAN, Fla. -- A Sebastian man faces charges of making a destructive device after an explosion in a shed behind a home sent his mother to the hospital. Investigators say 27 year-old Andrew Hallock was actually responsible for two explosive devices. Sunday afternoon, Hallock's mother, 63 year-old Nancy Galuppo, was cleaning out a shed behind her home on Shakespeare Street when an explosion nearly blew out the walls. Galuppo was flown to Orlando Regional Medical Center where she is in critical condition. While questioning Hallock, detectives discovered there was a second improvised explosive device in Hallock's home on Mulberry Street. That device was detonated overnight at the Sebastian airport by the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Bomb Squad.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1? Dear Webby What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1? I have seen it even on employment application forms and often wondered what's the big deal about an old program like that, when I can use a much newer program. Elsie Dear Elsie Word Perfect 5.1 is the last Word Perfect version, that is not WYSIWIG. There IS a print preview, but for fast professional work, you machine-gun the text in at top speed, then spell-check and proof read, and pretty it up at the same time. In the same spirit of maximum speed, WOP had every function and command available as a hot-key. Especially, when the function keys were still at the left of the keyboard, where touch typists could hit them without breaking their stride, that speeded things up considerably. You didn't have to take a hand off the keyboard and tediously mouse around. Since WordPerfect 5.1 is from before WYSIWIG. The screen is a dark blue, regular text is a greyish white. VERY easy on the eyes. Special formatting is shown in different colors. Yes, it does take some learning and practising, just like piloting a jet takes some learning and practising, but the high performance results are quite desireable. Or were, at one time. In the late 80's and 90's the work flow in offices changed. Computers started to look like fun, and easy enough for execs to use. At the same time, Women's Liberation and unions changed the typing pools. Nowadays the typing is done by execs and agents themselves, and instead of high speed, the emphasis is on the letters to look pretty. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the five little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'Heather, will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'Tonight I'll pay for supper'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Jewelery With Ice Cube Trays Use ice cube trays to organize jewelry. A few trays will fit nicely into your bureau drawer, and you can use the divided compartments to keep earrings together and to separate small-chain necklaces. By NatashaLee from New England http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with the answer: "Dumb Republicans! They need a union."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."

» Civil War Photos






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Sick Joke 

I was in the pub the other day telling that joke, "What do you do if you see an epileptic have a fit in the bath? Throw in your washing."

We were all having a good laugh about this when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me mate, but I don't find that funny. My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath during a fit."

I said, "I'm ever so sorry mate, did he drown?"

"No," he said, "he choked on a sock."


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Is Word Perfect still around? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 24

Thank you, Teresa!
Thank you, Sig!
 My Heroes!

Looks like Sheikh Obama backpedaled from his idea, 
that Israel should retreat to a 9 mile wide country, like it
was before 1967, after Netanyahu told him that won't happen
until after the US gives Texas back to Mexico. 
To Sheikh Obama's surprise, Texas apparently won't 
cooperate either.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." --- Will Rogers
One night Buffy brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance; fake leather jacket, cowboy boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Buffy," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit HER sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could manage our house over the weekend, while my wife was gone and I was out coaching. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days the 5:25 train is gonna be late and you're gonna get caught!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Darin Hickman, 46 of Staten Island, NY He also earned a Darwin Award. Thief jumps 200 feet and survives dies. ELIZABETH, N.J., May 22 (UPI) -- A Staten Island, N.Y., man out on bail for allegedly stealing an expensive handbag survived a 200-foot jump after allegedly stealing another one, police say. Hickman had a lengthy criminal record dating back to at least the 1980s, and his third stint in New York state prison -- for a 2005 possession of stolen property and a forged instrument conviction -- ended in February 2010, according to public records. New York Port Authority police were chasing Darin Hickman, 46, after he allegedly shoplifted a tony Louis Vuitton purse from a mall in New Jersey. Just as Hickman got close to the Goethals Bridge in Elizabeth, N.J., he rammed a police car, causing his Mitsubishi Diamante to catch fire, the New York Post reported Sunday. Hickman jumped out of the car and bolted down the highway and then he made a totally unexpected move, police said. "Suddenly, he makes a hard left -- and falls 200 feet!" an officer on the scene marveled. "I still, to this moment, can't believe what I saw. This mope threw himself off a bridge, and has no external injuries and seems to be fine." When police and firefighters discovered Hickman alive and breathing, all he wanted to know was, "How's my car?" the officer said. The alleged robber was out on bail for stealing a comparable Louis Vuitton bag worth $2,500 last week. Jones said that initial reports stated Hickman, who was captured by the authorities in the marsh, appeared to be uninjured. "He seemed to be coherent and conscious," Jones told The Item. However, Hickman apparently suffered internal injuries and was transported to University Hospital in Newark, where he died around 11:26 a.m.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darla Re: Is Word Perfect still around? Dear Webby My gramma wrote a lot about the family history, but it is all in Word Perfect format. Can that be converted, or is Word perfect still around? Darla Dear Darla Word Perfect is still around and still has Millions of loyal fans and users. It is part of the Corel Office suite now. You can run it in Word Perfect Mode, Word Perfect Classic (5.1) Word Perfect Legal or Microsoft Word mode. Typists and correspondents, who get paid according to how many letters they answer per day, swear by the Classic 5.1 mode. That's the 100 words per minute crowd. Legal transcribers are also quite fanatic about it. All those modes are not different versions. You simply select which mode you want to use for any file. Corel Office is priced professionally, however, you can usually get previous year's versions at eBay for $10 - $50. Corel Office also includes Quattro, my favorite spreadsheet program. You can also use Open Office. It will pick up Word perfect files and will even let you save them bak into that format. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Anna's third-grade class students were bombarding her with questions about her newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" Little Johnny tried answering that one: "Well, the way your ears stick out like a open barn doors, I could do it from fifty feet with my '22." Ann breathed a sigh of relief. She had been afraid somebody would ask if they got both ears with one shot.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ice Cream Sundae Bar for Memorial Day An easy dessert for your backyard Memorial Day gathering is to set up an Ice Cream Sundae "bar" with several varieties of ice cream, toppings, chopped candy bar and cookie pieces, whipped cream, and cherries, of course. Kids love it and adults get pretty creative too! Don't forget the extra napkins! http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said: "No deposit, no return."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman, that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

» Storm Clouds






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Expired Microsoft WORD and EXCEL 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 23

Thank you, Elizabeth!
Thank you, Staza!
Thank you Rebbie! 
 My Heroes!


Today's picture reminds me of a trip down the Musqua, Nelson 
and Liard river many years ago, in 72. I left with three friends 
at 4am, at the end of a wild party. We were going to try and 
get jobs at the construction of the Smokey Mountain pipeline.

Yes, we were quite naive and not very sober. 
We rafted with an abandoned plywood river boat. No motor, 
not even a paddle. 
It was quite an adventure!

A few hours before we got to Fort Liard, the sky behind us
looked just like in that picture, except the Liard river is about 
three times as wide. We KNEW we were going to get soaked. 
So I suggested cutting some saplings on the shore, and tying 
up all the blankets we had as sails, because, I figured, the
wind would hit us before the rain.

Pretty soon we were clipping down that river at incredible
speeds. Picture 4 bearded hippies (remember , it was 1972)
on a rickety "boat", that looked like a hijacked sand box,
with four blankets rigged in a rather haywire fashion,
trailing a long steering oar and a fair bit of white water, 
just a hooting and hollering, and knowing, that if we hit a
log jam or gravel bar doing 50 miles an hour, it would be
very messy and very painful.

The log jams had been dynamited before the ice went out,
and were just at the upward tips of islands. We managed to
avoid hitting any of those and got to Fort Liard, just as the
first big drops fell. We hit the shore and rode the bow wave
up the sand about 30 feet, grabbed our stuff and ran up the
bank to the porch of an abandoned store. 

After all our stuff was safe and dry, we stood out in the 
downpour for a very overdue shower. 
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not troubled with great ambitions. ---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin
Thanks to Donnie for this story: Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. "What's wrong Molly?" she asked. Molly told her that she had morning sickness. Surprised, Sarah said, "Hurray! I didn't even know you were pregnant!" "I'm not," the harried middle-aged mother replied. "I'm just sick of mornings." ----------- Try changing the coffee grounds more frequently!
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, to the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Smallwood, 40, in Acron, Ohio Duct Tape Sticks Akron Man to 10 Years in Prison (Akron) - An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence. The victim, who was 91-years-old at the time of the offense, was awakened around 2:30 a.m. on August 5 when two men broke into his house. The burglars put duct tape on one of the windows so there would not be noise when they broke in. The burglars went to the victim’s bedroom and pushed him around and hit him with a screwdriver, demanding money. The victim began to yell, at which point they found some money in the pants he had worn that day. They took off before police got there. The victim could not identify the suspects, so DNA was taken from the duct tape on the window. There was a hit on Smallwood and a swab was obtained. His DNA matched the DNA on the duct tape. Summit County Prosecutor Sherri Bevan Walsh says, “The number of uses for duct tape just increased by one – crime solving.” Smallwood was on community control for a 2009 case for failure to comply with a police officer when he committed this offense. He was also awaiting sentencing on a 2010 case for breaking and entering.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Expired Microsoft WEIRD and EXCEL Dear Webby We got a few computers for work from Dell. They came with some kind of sneaky trial of Microsoft office pre-installed. Now, all of a sudden, that stopped working, and we are supposed to pay serious money, just to keep using it. All we need is WEIRD and EXCEL, none of the other stuff. What do bigger companies do about that? Elsie Dear Elsie Not just bigger, but also small companies use Open Office. It is free. It will pick up WORD and Excel files, and even lets you save them in WORD or Excel format, not just in Open format. You can continue using the old format, and gradually switch to the Open format. You can download it from http://www.openoffice.org/ Open Office Write and Calc do everything WORD and Excel used to do, but the switch may take some people a bit of getting used to. It's well worth it, though. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger, or are YOU getting too old and forgetful?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rosemary For Skewers Rather than buying skewers I use branches off of my rosemary bush. I cut them approximately 12 inches long. After thoroughly washing the branch, I strip the leaves and either dry them in the oven or use them fresh. I use a knife to put a point on the branch and "thread" on onions, pineapple, chunks of chicken and bell peppers. The taste imparted when put on the barbecue is heavenly. Equally successful is roasting them in the oven at 375 degrees F. This is just my favorite recipe. Your imagination and taste can guide you to the food you put on your skewers. By Maryinaz from AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
That baseball bat joke reminds me of this one: A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

» Cute Critters






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Facebook style cursor 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 22

Thank you, Anita!
Thank you, Neil!
Thank you Patricia!
Thank you, Chuck!
Thank you, Marilyn!
Thank you, Ruth!
Thank you, Richard!
Thank you, Lisa!
Thank you Thomas!
Thank you, Bonita!
Thank you, Carl!
 
 My Heroes!



Click through the picture to the large version.
 
A few people asked about how much it costs to send money with PayPal.
It doesn't cost the sender anything.
The recipient pays for the transaction, same as with bank transfers.

With commercial transactions, for example, when you are paying 
an invoice or buying something, the recipient pays 30 cents plus 2.9%.
Because of the flat fee 30 cents, that is a big chunk out of a single dollar,
but negligible on a larger amount.

If you want to transfer money to a kid or spouse, 
if it is from a PayPal account to another PayPal account, it is free.
Overall, it is a good deal, and better than any other method, that
I have seen. And the sender never pays. Always the smiling recipient.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
To get the last word in: Apologize --- Socratex 'Whatever you are, be a good one.' --- Abraham Lincoln
Jews don't recognize Christ as their savior, Catholics don't recognize Jews, Baptists don't recognize one another in the liquor store, and moonshiners don't buy corn in their own village.
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

One rainy evening John and his wife emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so they went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found. John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they climbed in. As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have a coathanger ready!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stevie Hickey, 22, New Kensington, PA Vain 21 year old runs over her father NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. (AP) - A Pennsylvania woman will stand trial on charges she fed marijuana-laced margarine to a 12-year-old girl she was baby-sitting, as well as two other children at her home. The 12-year-old's mother called Upper Burrell Township police after discovering the drugs in a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter in 22-year-old Stevie Hickey's freezer. The woman tells police Hickey spread the substance on two pieces of toast that Hickey gave to the girl. Police say Hickey told the girl it was "parsley butter" but later acknowledged to police that it was marijuana. The Valley News Dispatch in Tarentum reports Hickey remains free after waiving her right to a preliminary hearing on marijuana possession and child endangerment charges May 10.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jacqui Re: Facebook Cursor Hi Webby re the facebook cursor problem for God's sake don't click on it it's a hacker. There has been lots of trouble on facebook with the logo popping up asking you to log in again - but it's this damn hacker. They get their kicks by going into your profile and screwing around etc etc all the best Jacqui Thanks, Jacqui! Some people wrote and figured the problem is due to IncredibleSilly Mail, and some figured it was due to tool bars like the Yahoo tool bar. Since I don't use those, I can't verify those suggestions, but I definitely would suggest getting rid of any and all optional tool bars. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect! Stevie Hickey

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates real well and I act like I'm listening."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be easily picked up by hand. Source: Dog Fancy Magazine By Teri from Tionesta, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Jim for this one: I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just what I learned in college: Stealing cars, selling dope and running moonshine." They've never called back.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the chef. He does not like being boiled or fried."

» Vector Art






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Growing Older 

Q:   Where can single men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:   Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q:   What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:   Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q:   Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:   Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."

Q:   How can you increase the heart rate of your over-50 year-old husband?
A:   Tell him you're pregnant.

Q:   How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:   Take off your glasses.

Q:   Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:   Go braless. It will usually pull them out..

Q:   Why should 50-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:   Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q:   Is it common for 50-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:   Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q:   As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:   Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q:   Where should 50-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:   On their foreheads.

Q:   What is the most common remark made by 50-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:   "Gosh, I remember these!"


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FaceBook Cursor 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 21

Thank you, Melissa!
Thank you, John!
Thank you Ron!
Thank you, Doug!
Thank you Frank!
Thank you, Ann! 

It sure was a hectic birthday. In the morning I had to get my 
feet checked. Apparently, diabetics at my level ae not supposed 
to do their toe nails and sand their callouses themselves, because
you can't feel it, when you go to deep, and before you know it,
you caused a problem, that won't go away. So Chris at Aestyou
takes care of my feet once a month.

After that things went downhill. At the post office there were
disconnect notices from the phone company, the electrical
company, and the gas company. 

So I started phoning people, who owe me money, and asked
Barb to come in and do her fancy account shuffling.
By mid afternoon we managed to postpone the end of the world
to the end of the month.

Then I got Ophelia Dingbatter's birthday present. 
She asked her subscribers to send me a donation.
Six of them did!

I was able to put a few more dollars onto the overdue utility
invoices, and kept enough mad money to buy myself a small steak
at the store.

Thanks!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. --- Tom Stoppard
Thanks to Sandie for this: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this"? I indignantly asked my husband. "What"? he asked. "The wrinkles"?
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise." "Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one."
.Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittanie Wagner, Bradenton, Florida Vain 21 year old runs over her father MAY 19--Driving without her glasses, a 21-year-old Florida woman early today struck a pedestrian walking on the side of the road. But it was only until Brittanie Wagner was pulled over by a cop for leaving the scene of an accident, that she realized the victim was her own father, according to a police report. Wagner told investigators that she initially thought she hit “an animal or a garbage can” while driving along a Bradenton street around 1 AM. But when her passenger said that a person was actually struck, Wagner arrived at an unfortunate realization. “Oh my God I hit my Dad,” Wagner exclaimed to her friend, since her father was the only one typically walking on that road at that time of night. Wagner, pictured smiling for the police mug shot, told cops that she came to that conclusion “not because she recognized him but because she knows he always walks on that particular roadway.” It was more or less an admission to knowing she hit somebody, she just had not realized she had hit her own father until the cops stopped her. According to Wagner’s fiancé, Kevin Rodriguez, she was serving as designated driver for a friend who was intoxicated. Oliver Wagner, who was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries, was helping to arrange his daughter’s release this afternoon from the Manatee County jail, said Rodriguez. The car was damaged but is repairable. In addition to the leaving the scene of an accident count, Wagner was charged with failing to obey a restriction on her driver’s license requiring her to wear eyeglasses while operating a motor vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Facebook Cursor Hi Webby, Another question for you....I am not a Face Book participant, but for some unknown reason my cursor lights up with a Face Book icon when I cross over some subjects while on line. I have never even visited Face Book to see what it's all about. How can I get rid of this annoying icon?? You've been having some very beautiful pictures as of late.... Thanks, Carol Dear Carol I have never seen that and can't find any mention of that problem anywhere. Maybe one fo the readers has seen it r heard about it? If anbody knows about that Facebook cursor problem, please hit reply and tell me! Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

This one is a classic: Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open upm and the phone was already ringing non-stop. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing anf getting me more than a bit annoyed. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. You can imagine the stench of that mixed up perfume overload! Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be easily picked up by hand. Source: Dog Fancy Magazine By Teri from Tionesta, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When my neighbor's son Billie came home from college for the summer, it only took him 2 seconds to recreate the "look and feel" of his dorm room. He opend his suitcase and his backpack, and rotated rapidly about three times. He used to be quite a snappy dresser in highschool, and his parents were quite disenchanted when they noticed that his dressing style had dropped to about the same level as the organization in his room. Over dinner, they tried to touch on the informal versus formal dress codes that life outside of college might require. Billie, however, shared his own firmly held dress code guidelines: 1. informal: sock (s) not required 2. semiformal: two socks required 3. formal: both socks must match
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."

» Windows of the Universe






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How to add an external harddrive? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thursday was cold and rainy, but it did not snow at this altitude.
The few times the mountains did peek through, they showed fresh snow.
I think we have to get ready for a flood, when all that stuff gets melted.
At this time of the year, there is a lot of power in the sunshine, when
it is allowed through, and when the big melting is late, it is usually
quite suddenly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say -- because they were too obvious." --- André Gide
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A cynical granny overheard and spoke up, "Lady, what you really want is a TV!"
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied, and got fined twenty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her checkbook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $25."
.Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. RedMaple among Blue-eyed-Marys
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Correction re yesterday's Bonehead Award: just in case it matters, Millwood is in Ware County, Georgia, which is exactly where I live, as well as Sheriff Royal. very interesting. Dave An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Tyrone Donaldson, 20, of Fort Myers, Florida Hitchhiker kidnaps driver at gunpoint A driver who gave a man a ride to McDonald's found himself kidnapped at gunpoint, sheriff's deputies say. Deputies arrested Michael Tyrone Donaldson, 20, of Fort Myers, this past weekend on charges of armed kidnapping, aggravated assault with a firearm, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and obstruction by giving false information. On Saturday, Donaldson reportedly asked a man in the parking lot of the Siesta Inn on the North Tamiami Trail for a ride to the McDonald's near the Sarasota-Bradenton International Airport. While en route, Donaldson pointed a gun at the driver, told him to drive east on University Parkway and to remove his pants, deputies reported. While headed south on Interstate 75, the two men struggled inside the car, which swerved across three lanes of traffic and eventually crashed into bushes in the center median. Several passersby, including a retired police officer from Tampa, who eventually disarmed Donaldson, witnessed the two struggling on the ground and came to the victim's aid. Donaldson, who was wanted for violation of probation for a narcotics charge in Lee County, reportedly gave deputies a false name.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barb Re: External hard drive Dear Webby, What's all involved with getting an external hard drive to get more space for a computer? Does it have to be formatted and partitioned? Thanks Barb Dear Barb All you really HAVE to do is get one, plug it in, and drag files to it. No need to format or partition. That makes a totally chaotic pantry out of it, but it works. The civilized way to do it is this way: 1) Draw up a plan for organizing the files on the new drive 2) Get the drive 3) Get a plug-in strip and a bunch of wide rubber bands 4) Plug the plug-in strip into a wall outlet and tame the cable salad behind the computer. 5) Plug in the power cube for the new drive. 6) Plug the USB cable from the new drive into the computer. 7) Go over the file organization plan again and make it really pretty. Chances are good, that you will improve the organization while you do that. 8) Make the folders on the new drive 9) Drag the files, that don't have to be on the primary drive, onto the new drive. 10) Set your programs, for example Open Office, Skype, etc. to save files by default to the new drive. 11) Move anything, that does not have to be on the C: drive onto the new drive. 12) Defrag the old and the new drive. That's all there is to it, to do it like a real proessional. Oh, and forget the silly notion that now you have plenty of space and will never again need an additional drive. I thought that, when I added a 10 MB drive to my 360 KB floppy drive. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the General's new bird dog, "Sarge". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The General declined, saying that Sarge was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price. A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog. "What happened to ole Sarge?" he asked. "Had to shoot him," grumbled the General. "A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him Colonel. After that, all he would do was sit on his butt and bark."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Seedlings With Recycled Plastic Bottles I got some 2 liter bottles that I had in my recycling bin. I also had some water bottles saved for recycling too. I cut the bottom and the top off and slid them down over my small delicate plants to protect them from the wind. They will still receive the light and I can still water them. This is working great for these plants. By Nana from Panhandle of Texas http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Faye for this one: I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly vistors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Chris for this one: Five tips for a woman.... 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a good job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you. 5. It is important that none of these four men know about the other ones.

» Caprock Canyon






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Probblems connecting to the blog 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 19

Spring has finally come to the foothills of the Rockies,
and dandylions are popping on every lawn, that has not
been drenched with broad leaf herbicides.

Personally, I can't be bothered. As long as I cut them,
before they go to seed, nobody can bitch, and they
ARE pretty!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Home is where you hang your @ --- Socratex Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks. --- Socratex
Thanks to Janet for this one: Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? A: My husband's lawyer's death.
.Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. RedMaple among Blue-eyed-Marys
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katherine R. Gurley, 49, Ware County, Florida Ware County woman arrested while visiting boyfriend at jail in pot farm case A Ware County woman ended up behind bars herself when she came to jail to visit her boyfriend, a convicted drug trafficker who had been arrested at a large-scale marijuana growing operation at the couple's Millwood home. Katherine R. Gurley, 49, is jailed without bail on charges of manufacturing marijuana, trafficking in marijuana, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of marijuana, county Sheriff Randy Royal said Monday. Gurley lived with Michael Wayne Mancil in the 7900 block of Herrin Road where deputies seized at least $1.4 million worth of marijuana, beginning Thursday. Deputies found marijuana packaged and ready for sale and live plants from seedlings to mature weed. The clandestine pot farm is among the largest uncovered in Ware County in recent history, Royal said. "From what we've learned through the investigation so far, there is every indication that the marijuana was being sold locally and in surrounding counties as well," Royal said. Arrested Thursday night, Mancil also remained jailed without bail. A 59-year-old felon, Mancil is charged with manufacturing marijuana, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute, trafficking in marijuana, possession of a firearm by a felon and possession of a firearm during the commission of crime. "We arrested Ms. Gurley on Saturday when she came to visit him at the jail," Royal said. Gurley and Mancil have lived together about four years at the Millwood home, he said. "She said she had no idea that [marijuana cultivation] was going on out there," Royal said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Connection problem Dear Webby, I have been trying yo bring up your blog of old letters. Have tried several times and it will open and take a while to download then say "Done", but nothing comes up. I wail for at least 15 minutes but still nothing. Am I doing something wrong? Thanks for all your help. Love the pictures and save as many as possible on and old computer. keep up the good work. Carole Dear Carole The blog opens fine for me. Ezinefinder is down, but there is nothing I can do about them. They are independent and not on our servers. Possibly the vote button or the google ad on top are delaying the page load. Hopefully they will be working again soon! Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

Thanks to Edna for this story: Last night a lady on the table next to mine in the restaurant asked the waiter if they had frozen yoghurt for desert. He replied: "We sure do, in all the popular flavors." Then she asked: "Is it low fat yoghurt?" The waiter answered: "It sure is! We serve only zero fat, low calory, diet yoghurt with fresh frozen fruit mixed in." She said: "Hmmm, that sounds delicious!" The waiter then asked her: "Would you like whipped cream on top of that?" Her reply was: "That sounds even better! Yes, please! Lots of it!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Super Glue From Drying Out My husband taught me a little trick tonight. If you are using super glue, before replacing the cap, gently squeeze the tube on the sides and the glue will be "sucked" back down into the tube. This keeps the glue from drying in the applicator, or worse, to the cap! By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The McGillicuddy's next door are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four cops and a dog to stop the fight.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannikin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy , so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep do at night?"

» Photos of the World






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Clues? 


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Should Domain Owner Info be available or hidden? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 18




Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. --- Robert Benchley There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. --- Socratex "Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty." --- Frank Herbert A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --­ Herm Albright
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "No. It's the mother in law. As you know, she lives with us. We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man said, "The month is up today!"
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
. Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the prison in Sudbury, England Woman charged with DUI, urinating near kids FAIRFIELD, Conn. -- A 43-year-old Fairfield woman has been arrested after police say she undressed and urinated in front of children near a car wash fundraiser for a local middle school. Amy Ficke is charged with creating a public disturbance and driving under the influence. Police say children and others at the McKinley School car wash witnessed Ficke get out of her car Saturday and relieve herself. Police said Ficke failed three sobriety tests. She is due in court on May 24. A message seeking comment from Ficke was left at her home.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Antonia Re: Guard domain owner info? Dear Webby, Our web teacher told us to always hide our info, when registering a domain. Seems to me, I read at one time that you considered that a dumb idea. Get on your soap box and give me some ammo! Antonia Dear Antonia You remembered correctly. That stupid idea is probably from the same idiot, as the one who recommends dumb auto-responders. There is a good reason, why the domain owner's info has to be accessible and up to date, and NOT hidden. If there is a problem with his or her site, there has to be a way to alert the owner. If an alert message bounces back or if there is no working address, that site instantly becomes a ZERO TOLERANCE problem site. If there is a problem with such a site, Web Hosts lock them up and usually kick them out. The owner could be in the maternity ward of a hospital, and if there is a working address and phone number, somebody can respond in a day or two, and explain the problem or promise a proper response in a few days. Yes, there will be some spam with a properly listed contact address, just like there will be some paper junk mail, when you have a downtown store. That's part of doing business and not really a big deal. So, tell the misguided bozo to go on a diet of Smarties and stop being a bad example! Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

The fragrance department of a department store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Underfed and overdressed scarecrows move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bait scent. It's not a big problem. If you threaten to spray them with bear repellant if they spray that suff on you, they spray themselves with their own stink-bait and think you sprayed them with bear repellant and they get all confused and run off. One day, outside the store's restaurant, one of the too skinny scarecrows sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman commented that the perfume was too strong, the scarecrow replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "Schee!" her friend chided. "I tol' you not to have that schecond bottle. By the time you schober up, that perfume will have dischiput...., dsichpu.. will be all gone away!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bath Soak For Sore Muscles Safe, all natural bath soak is easy to make and relaxes your tired sore muscles. Take 2 cups of Epsom salts and 2 cups of baking soda, mix together well and add 5-10 drops of your favorite essential oil or a combination of oils. This is optional but luxurious. I like eucalyptus and lavender oil, 5 drops of each. This makes a nice muscle soak. Equal drops of rose oil and bergamot makes another nice soak. There is no end to the combinations you can make. Epsom salts are magnesium sulfate and relax muscles naturally. Add one cup of your bath mixture salts to water, no hotter than 100 degrees F and soak for 20 minutes, one hour before bed. If essential oils are outside of your budget, squeeze or add lemon juice, limes, or oranges or the zest of these fruits. Zest is simply the thin scrapings of the rind. Chop a teaspoon of the zest really fine and add to your salts. You can add cinnamon and vanilla extract for an aromatherapy experience to die for, or drop a tea bag-green tea or fruit flavor directly into the bath water along with the salts. By SAT from Silver Spring, MD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only one block from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture? A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? A: No, I was at home reading lawyer jokes.

» Galapagos






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Quote of the century 

"Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger.



It's the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the Clown."




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Dyslexic Paddy 

Official 'Summertime' had just ended and in the early hours of that morning Paddy found his dyslexic mate Seamus, sitting covering his Willy with black boot polish.

Paddy said, "You idiot - you're supposed to turn your clock back!"



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Interactive Services Dialogue Detection 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 17

It sure cooled off!
Seems to be quite traditional. Second weekend in May is nice
enough for planting, then it gets cold. When I was a kid in 
Austria, we had calendars, that had every day named after 
some saint. The Saints in this part of May were called
the "Ice Saints", and everybody knew that some rude cooling
off for a few days was to be expected at that time.

Gullible warming has not changed that. At the moment the 
outside thermometer reads 2 degrees below frezing.

And it did not stop me from my walk, even though I was
wearing my big old parka.

Quite a few people asked today how they can email voices 
generated with that Text To Speech link from yesterday.
Some were even afraid to try it.
OK, here are a couple examples:
Cook.Wav
Cook1.Wav

You can record the voices with whatever recording program,
that works on your machine. I use Audacity. It is old and
crude, but it works well and I am used to it. You may have to 
try two or three sound recording programs, before you find
one that both you and your computer get along with.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport. --- George Winters Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein
A couple is sitting on a park bench, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? It must be half-a-mile away by now." Once you have a national accent and effect that sounds as different from you as possible, record it as a wav file, make a shortcut to it so that you can play it by double-clicking the shortcut icon.
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life he should sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal each morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 15 great grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
. Thanks to Jai for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. We have been besieged by the 13 year Cicada's here. They make the air sound like aliens have landed, and very loud. I have been trying to get a glympse of one, but they go from their holes in the ground to the treetops where they buzz away. But this morning, it is 59 degrees (F), and being cooler they are not active. I found one that was just resting on a rock, so I went and grabbed my camera. Here he is, ugly isn't he? Jai
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the prison in Sudbury, England Prison becomes burglary victim SUDBURY, England (UPI) -- Staff at an open prison in England learned lawbreakers can get in as well as out when they discovered tools missing from a workshop. The burglary at the Sudbury Prison took place sometime before 9 a.m. Monday, the Derby Telegraph reported. In addition to tools, oxyacetylene tanks and hoses were missing. The prison was built as a U.S. military hospital during World War II and converted to its present function in 1948. It has something of a reputation for escaped inmates with 18 prisoners reported missing between April and September last year, including a man serving 12 years for manslaughter. The Telegraph reported finding a hole in the fence during its own inspection Wednesday. Inmates returning from day release found the break-in funny with one asking "How can they be expected to keep the prisoners in if they can't keep the burglars out?" Prison authorities were tight-lipped, saying only that the theft is a "police matter."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Interactive Services Dialogue Detection Dear Webby, Have subscribed to your humorous, informative and always enjoyable newsletter. Delighted you're on the road to a healthful recovery. That is not a problem. Something called Interactive Serices Dialogue Detection keeps appearing every few minutes, literally, as long as I'm online. Have tried living with it; however, it has finally begun to drive me batty. What is it and WHY do I keep getting it? (As a matter of fact, it has just reappeared.) It states "a program can't display a message on your desktop". It has really become nerve-wracking. Also, my eyes have been bad since roughly age 6 or 7. Is it okay to try the large version a few times to see if it would help me see better then, if not, go back to the normal version? My experience and knowledge of computers is almost nonexistent. However, it's no problem to print the page and then follow a step-by-step procedure. Maybe I should simply starve for a year, then buy a new one? You have no idea how much your help means to 'dumb' peope like myself. Thanks for the years of humor and help. Lee Dear Lee That Interactive Serices Dialogue Detection message is a VISTA and W7 "feature". Disabling that message is easy, but that would be about as silly as removing the "Oil Low" warning light from the dash of your car. You might be able to get around it by switching from IE to FireFox, but that does not permanently solve the underlying problem. You will have to contact Microsoft support about that problem. Re Large Size: You already got the large size. Just hold down the CTRL key and scroll the mouse wheel to zoom everything to comfortable size. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

The 3 fastest means of communication: Tell-a-Belle Telephone Television (For those of you outside of the southern USA, a "Southern Belle" is a "Southern Beauty", not to be confused with Southern Bell, a telephone company in Louisiana, Florida and Texas)
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Phone in Purse When Charging Seems like I was always forgetting to put my cell phone in my purse after charging it. Now I just leave the phone in my purse while it is charging and haven't forgotten it since By cschatz http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " " ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS !". They look at each other, then go in. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same." "Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're from California. They're waiting for happy hour."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Betty-Sue walked into the Emergency Room of a hospital in a small town. She walked up to a nurse and said, "Ah wants to see a Uptern." The nurse looked at her kinda funny and said, "Don't y'all mean Intern?" The girl replied, "Okay, if'n y'all say so, but ah wants a contamination." The nurse is a little confused and says, "Don't y'all mean examination?" The girl replied, "Uptern, intern, contamination, examination, ah don caire, ah ain't demonstrated for 6 months and an ah thinks ah'm stagnant.

» Country Roads






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The ultimate POW video 




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Are the "Obama turning white" mails malicious? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 16

Saturday was nice and warm, so I was quite surprised when I
saw my neighbor raking the dry and matted stuff out of her
lawn and wearing a parka. Then her husband showed up to help
her, wearing a fleece hoodie and gloves. 

It turned out to be 6 degrees above freezing with a nasty wind.
I decided to postpone yard work until the weather gets a bit 
more civilized. Plenty of work to do inside.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. --- Kin Hubbard
Here is another good message for telemarketers who try to be a nuisance at the most inconvenient time: "The answering machine is sick. This is the microwave. If you want to cook your brain, - just hold your stoopid telephone to your head." If you don't want to use your voice, go to Text to speech and paste or type it in. You can select all kinds of different personalities and accents, plus many different effects, like airport style reverb, or bullhorn or flanger or speed, etc. Caution! Some of you might wet your pants from laughing too hard while trying different accents and effects! For a really funky robotic effect try Lee (Australia) and set Pitch to "Higher" For a voice, that really means it, try Moira (Irish) and set the reverb to ON. Once you have a national accent and effect that sounds as different from you as possible, record it as a wav file, make a shortcut to it so that you can play it by double-clicking the shortcut icon.
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies. The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual." "Why is that?" the mother asked. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.
. Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Roses in the weeds
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ellenbeth Wachs, 48, in Lakeland, Florida Serious Bimbo Malfunction Atheist Official Elisabeth Wachs Charged With Simulating Sex Act In her second arrest this year, the Atheists of Florida's legal coordinator was jailed Sunday on a charge of simulating a sex act in the presence of a 10-year-old boy. Ellenbeth Wachs, 48, of Lakeland, is accused of purposely making noises from inside her home March 13 to pretend as if she were having sex while the boy and his father overheard, according to the Polk County Sheriff's Office. Wachs made the noise in an effort to make the boy stop playing basketball outside her house on Lake Victoria Drive, a complaint affidavit says. She told him to stop shooting baskets because she was trying to sleep. A Polk County sheriff's detective began investigating after the boy's father, Otto Lehman, filed for an injunction for protection against Wachs in April. A complaint affidavit says the boy played basketball in front of their home, beside Wachs' home about 8:30 a.m. and she yelled through an open window for him to stop. Lehman and his son, Forrest, returned later and she started to yell "Oh John," repeating it "over and over again and kept increasing the volume until it was a loud scream," according to the complaint affidavit. Wachs was also moaning and making other sounds out the open window, that "sounded like a woman experiencing sexual gratification in an extremely loud fashion," the affidavit says. She continued until the father and son left the area. On March 3, Wachs was jailed on a charge that she posed as a licensed lawyer, but was out on bail. After the second arrest she was kept in jail for a few days. She has since been released on bail again, but warned to behave and stay away from the Lehmans.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: is "Obama turned white" a scam? Dear Webby, Are mails and facebook notices about Obama allegedly turning white like Michael Jackson just virus bait, like the scammy stuff about Osama Bin Laden one or two weeks ago? Chris Dear Chris All I have seen so far are photos making fun of the initials for his re-election campaign. In those pictures he does appear to have undergone a face lift, ear-tuck and Michael Jackson style whitening, but it's just plain photos like this one, without anything malicious attached. As long as you don't have to click on anything or download anything, you are quite safe. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

Thanks to Janet for this one: We had made some changes in our diet. My husband lost 50 pounds and I lost 15. I felt good and active again and after eight years of being a housewife, I took a job in a restaurant. When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug. He seemed to cling to me longer than usual. "Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked. "No," came the reply. "But you smell so much like decent food, that I hate to let go."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Teacups As Votive Holders If you have teacups you want to display, maybe mismatched ones you don't want to get rid of, try this. Put a votive candle in them and place them on a stack of books on a bookshelf or an end table. There are many ways to decorate with them. A friend of mine does this and it looks very cute. By Amy from Oklahoma City, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father was examining his son's report card. "One thing is definitely in your favor," he announced. "With grades like that, you couldn't possibly be cheating."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He was surprised to see God Himself at the Pearly Gates, but God explained that this was St. Peter's day off, and since things were rather slow these days, He, God would check him in and show him around. Well, Heaven turned out to be everything the man had always been told: angles flying around, playing harps, reading, and just enjoying the things they had on earth. There were also pets there, and they were right by their earthly masters. Presently, God and the man arrive at a long section of cubicles, with one way mirrored wall that you coud look in, but just saw mirrors from the inside. In each of these cubicles, there was just one person. "What's this section Lord?" the man asks. "Oh this is the section for those people who think they're the only ones up here!" the Lord answers.

» Decades of dress code






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Computer almost locks up when idling 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 15

Insurance companies in the US seem to really enjoy the poor 
economy. People are really holding back with all co-pay 
procedures, saving the insurance companies huge amounts
of money. Since they like getting used to that kind of income,
now they want some legistlation that will guarantee them the
same leel of income when the economy recovers after the next
election.

Apparently they are leasing senators like crazy to get it
into legislation in time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones To accomplish great things we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe. --- Anatole
Thanks to F. for this one: I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. Can I come over to your place after while? Ok, this question is just wacky but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "Well, I have company over, so today is a bad day for me!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps fantasizing I am talking to him and he is answering all the questions that I ask you, bye!"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1960's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, the reply was, "That's true, but since the science of economics is explaining today why the perdictions we made last year were wrong, the answers obviously are different every year."
. Click through the picture to the large version. A bridge in China
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Kenneth Jones, 44, in Evans, GA Evans man calls cops, arrested when they find drugs An Evans man reporting a burglary was arrested on drug charges Wednesday after he invited police to search his home, where they found materials used to manufacture methamphetamine. James Kenneth Jones, 44, of the 200 block of Edwards Drive, called police just after 6 p.m. claiming a woman he knows kicked in his back door and stole a television, laptop computer and $694 cash from his bedroom earlier in the day. Jones said he didn’t report it immediately because he spoke to the woman who admitted she took the items and he thought she’d return them. He repaired the damage because he had to leave and called police when he returned. Police were searching Jones’ bedroom to determine if other items were stolen when they found a small amount of methamphetamine and pseuodephedrine in a dresser drawer. He then gave police permission to search the rest of the property. They also found a marijuana cigarette in the sofa, a partially smoked one in the ashtray of his car and more partially smoked marijuana cigarettes in a shed. Police found materials used to manufacture methamphetamine in the shed and home, including coffee filters, lithium battery strips and packaging, instant ice packs, muriatic acid, paint thinner cans and lye. Jones was charged with possession of methamphetamine, possession of substances with the intent to manufacture methamphetamine and possession of marijuana. He is being held in the Columbia County Detention Center without bond, according to jail records.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Computer partially locks up when not in use Dear Webby, Lately, if I left the computer alone for a couple of hours, it gets almost impossible to use. Especially the browsers, and it takes me a long time to close enough tabs until it gets fast enough to be able to get any work done. As long as I am working, that does not happen, just when it sits idling, it seems to seize up. What is causing that, and how can I avoid it? Fred Dear Fred There are various programs that detect idleness, and figure that would be a good time to do a bit of housekeeping. The better disk defragmenters and anti malware scanners are typical for that. Normally, those are not a problem, since they just gag up on the computer, when you are sleeping. However, they can't tell, whether you are napping or shopping or attending to Wilma, they just see a chance to clean up. If you use FireFox, it is quite safe to close it down. It will remember all your open tabs of stuff, that you are going to check out some rainy day, and will obediently open them again, when you start Firefox again. The same with most other programs. Just close down what does not have to remain open before you walk away for any extended period of time. That frees more RAM for the housekeeping programs, allowing them to finish sooner and without having to steal RAM from other programs. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?" The student said, "Every word of it." "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Poe. However,.... since it would be rather tedious to re-write all the books, that claim that you have died already," the professor said, as he pulled one of the swords from the coat of arms up on the wall, "....it will be easier to make a quick correction to your state of aliveness."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drill Drainage Holes In Your Trash Can Make washing out your trash can a breeze: drill several 1/2 inch holes in the bottom. The holes will allow you to hose down the insides without having to dump out the water, and also prevent rainwater from collecting. Source: Martha Stewart Living, August 2004 By cailifouhnofthemist from Williams Lake, BC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ No need to go out and buy an expensive 1/2" bit and drill, that can handle a big bit like that. Just drill a bunch of small holes at the lowest area, and then attach some galvanized mosquito mesh with small, self-tapping screws and washers. Otherwise you might get mobbed by a Million fruit flies the next time you open the lid. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
His wife had been killed in an accident the day before and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. Finnegan nodded. "What did she say ?" "Well, she spoke without interruption for about forty years," Finnegan said, "but I didn't put a battery into my hearing aid till just this morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the Church, An elderly gentleman said to him: "Reverend, that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to, it was terrible". While the Minister remained speechless, the gentleman's wife wanting to be helpful said, "Reverend, please don't listen to him, he slept through most of it and is only repeating what he hears other people saying."

» Gills Galore






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No rush with a substitute for Skype! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 14

Thanks David!

Relax about a Skype replacement. eBay did not mess it up,
when they bought it, and quite possibly, Microsoft too will
just sell it at a huge loss in a few years.

More about it in the Tech Support Pits

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. --- Will Rogers
One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:30!."
. Click through the picture to the large version. Bad-hair-Day-down-below-L
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Council in York, England York council forbids cross on cab dash The order came after a teenage passenger told teachers about the blue glass crucifix. The driver had no idea it was a problem until council bosses emailed his taxi company after a complaint from the school. The man, who asked not to be named, said: ‘I took the cross off after we received the complaint because I didn’t want our taxi company to lose the contract we had with the council (Welfare) and I was worried about my living. ‘The point of view was taken from the child without anybody taking the time to contact me and get my opinion on it. ‘I was very angry about it – I was incredulous.’ The 61-year-old Frenchman, who has lived in Britain for 30 years and regularly goes to church, had displayed the 5cm (2in) Roman Catholic cross in his car for 18 months without any previous problems. But he said being known for picking up teenagers with a "phallic symbol" in his car reflected badly on him. A meeting has now been arranged with York city council, including the staff member who wrote the email, for Tuesday. Clair Cook, the 29-year-old director of the cab company, AnD Taxis in York, said: ‘If the cross had been dangling that could have been different because it may have been obstructing his vision but there was nothing wrong with that crucifix.’ This is York, England, not Afghanistan. The article didn't say whether the council members were all muslims, or just used to getting pushed around by them.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Suitable Skype Substitute? Dear Webby, Thank you once again for you daily humor letter - I really appreciate the laughs, pictures and tech section On the subject of Skype and its imminent conversion to 'Microsoft improved' I have been looking around for a replacement for it and wondered if you knew anything (either through experience or reports from others) about one I found called "Tango" which claims to offer free audio and/or video calls in the same way as Skype. Failing that, do you have any replacement that you would recommend? Glad to see that you are still going strong after your mishap, and glad to see that you have joined me in the quitting smoking arena - only been just over 6 weeks for me but it does seem to be getting easier now. Wishing you well and praying for you, David Dear David 6 weeks is a good milestone! Keep it up! I have not tried Tango. There is no panic. Skype again retained control, just like when they sold themselves to eBay for 4 Billion. ebay found out that the $1.8 Million they made on the calls to land lines and cell phones did not justify 4 Billion dollars, and since the Skype people only gave them interface buttons, but not the source code, they sold it for a song. Now Microsoft got stampeded into believing that Google was about to buy Skype, and they started bidding quite hysterically. Google has Google Chat, which works quite well, just has not been promoted yet. They are not interested in buying Skype, but were probably drinking beer with the guys from Skype and laughing their butts off, when Microsoft bid against itself and ran the price up to $8.5 Billion. Dear Webby, Thank you once again for you daily humor letter - I really appreciate the laughs, pictures and tech section On the subject of Skype and its imminent conversion to 'Microsoft improved' I have been looking around for a replacement for it and wondered if you knew anything (either through experience or reports from others) about one I found called "Tango" which claims to offer free audio and/or video calls in the same way as Skype. Failing that, do you have any replacement that you would recommend? Glad to see that you are still going strong after your mishap, and glad to see that you have joined me in the quitting smoking arena - only been just over 6 weeks for me but it does seem to be getting easier now. Wishing you well and praying for you, So, relax and don't panic. Don't be surprised if Microsoft sells Skype in a few years at a huge loss, just like eBay did. If they don't, by the time they mess it up, the competition will be ready and by then one of them will be noticeably better than the rest, or promoted better. It could be the Israeli ICQ, that beat out PowWow without being half as good. They kno how to swing the people! It could be Cisco, or Citrix, or Google Chat, or the Tango, that you mentioned. It is not just software quality, as we saw with ICQ, but promotion is equally imortant. The best chat is no good, if you are the only one using it. We'll see in a couple of years. In the meantime, relax. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test, and $64 change.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cloth Napkins Instead Of Paper Our family of four includes two children who can get very messy during mealtime. Instead of having them use cheap one-ply napkins that fall apart the minute you try to wipe your hands with them, I decided to use cloth napkins. The napkins can usually be purchased for $0.50 to a $1.00 each depending on where you buy them. I once purchased a clearance priced set of 4 from Target for a $1.00. I made sure to purchase enough for when we have family over. You can also make your own from old cotton t-shirts but keep in mind the type of fabric you use will determine the amount of absorbency. I would strongly recommend you refrain from decorating the homemade napkins with glitter or puff paint as that might defeat their purpose. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Letter from a redneck aunt Dear Billy Joe Bob, I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the trailer numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. We still have the same phone number though, because I brought our old phone along. When you get out of jail, just call us and we will come pick you up. This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and eventually drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days and the the crematorium blew up. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. I was going to put twenty bucks for you into this letter, but I had already sealed it. I'll send them next time. Your Favorite Aunt Edna-Sue

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FireFox 4 not ready for you? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! 

FireFox 4 is not quite the success story, that some magazines
claim it is. Sure, it is faster than any other browser, and
scores really well in comparison tests. In some ways, it
reminds me of a Ferrari I once rented. Briefly.
Sure it was fast, but the ride comfort was worse than 
on an Amish buggy, and it was extremely noisy inside.

FF4 works well, but a lot of the add-ons have not been
checked and approved yet. Same story as with XP-SP3,
that was released, before all drivers for it were available.

If you use a lot of the neat add-ons to make the ride more
comfortable and have the world customized the way you like 
it, then you might want to wait with upgrading until version
4.2 or 4.3. 

If you don't care about the add-ons and just want raw speed,
to get the most out of your slow dial-up, then go for Firefox 
version 4.1 now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Friday, the 13th ? Watch out! It's bad luck to be superstitious! --- Socratex "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert A. Heinlein
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school and the principal said, "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary." The caller said, "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that Little Johnny Johnson won't be able to come to school all next week." "What seems to be the problem with him?" asked the principal. The caller said, "We are all going on a family vacation. I sure hope there is not a problem with that." "I guess that would be fine," said the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" The caller said, "Sure. This is my father."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: . Click through the picture to the large version. Serengeti sunset, Tanzania
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raymond Roberge,65 in Bridgeport, Conn Calls 911 Requesting Emergency Beer Run Robert Roberge is a 65-year-old man from Bridgeport, Connecticut. His hobbies include pounding brewskies, being lonely, and calling 911 whenever he needs something. He's called the emergency number 79 times this year. Each proved to be a false alarm. And each time the cops have warned him to stop calling over goofy shit. For example, he once called offering police and medics $20 and some loose change if they'd stay at his house and hang out with him. He was back at it again on Sunday, when he called 911 three times. This time, an ambulance and firefighters arrived to find a different kind of emergency. It seems Roberge was in need of some beer. He was hoping responders would carry out this important mission on his behalf by fetching some from the store, even tough it was Sunday and beer sales are not allowed on Sunday in Connecticut.. Alas, after his 79th call to 911, it seems officials finally lost their patience. Roberge was charged with misuse of the emergency system and put into the slammer. While looking for a mug shot, I came across this re-translation. Seems somebody had translated the story into a foreign languiage, and somebody else translated it back. http://www.bestcactus.com/raymond-rober ... -for-beer/ Police in Bridgeport, Connecticut, inactive a 65-year-old Black who they said titled 911 at small threesome nowadays on Sun because he was discover of beer. Raymond Roberge was inactive and live with misusing the 911 system. Police said Roberge, who has a usage of occupation the crisis sort for confused reasons, titled 911 individual nowadays on Mother’s Day, and when officers arrived at his home, he offered them money to go to the accumulation to acquire him beer. According to personnel records, since the first of this year, Roberge dialed to crisis sort 79 times. They said he erst titled 911 and when the officers arrived, he offered them $ 20 to set with him. He was free from slammer after bill a $ 500 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Melissa Re: FF4 not ready for the Big Time? Dear Webby, I like the extra speed of FireFox 4, but the rest of it is not ready for a spoiled brat like me. How do I get back to FireFox 3.6 without losing all my settings? Melissa Dear Melissa Get FF3.6 here: Simply install it over top of 4.x Don't be in a rush about it and read the questions during the installation. For examle, select "Upgrade", not "Replacement" Upgragde keeps your settings and bookmarks and history, even your open tabs. Replacement is for when your settings are too haywire and you want to go back to a clean default. All the weird and wicked add-ons that you used to use with 3.6 before, will fall in place again and work, as if you had never flirted with version 4. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents' ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see! One of the chickens is in bloom!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cloth Napkins Instead Of Paper Our family of four includes two children who can get very messy during mealtime. Instead of having them use cheap one-ply napkins that fall apart the minute you try to wipe your hands with them, I decided to use cloth napkins. The napkins can usually be purchased for $0.50 to a $1.00 each depending on where you buy them. I once purchased a clearance priced set of 4 from Target for a $1.00. I made sure to purchase enough for when we have family over. You can also make your own from old cotton t-shirts but keep in mind the type of fabric you use will determine the amount of absorbency. I would strongly recommend you refrain from decorating the homemade napkins with glitter or puff paint as that might defeat their purpose. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I bought a stack of 8" x 8" micro-fiber cloths in the mid 90's. They can absorb 8 oz (1 glass) of water, each. Yes, amazing stuff! They also work fine for getting spaghetti sauce out of carpets. The only problem with that is that you wind up with a spot that is a lot cleaner than the rest of the carpet. I use them not only for napkins but also for face-cloth, pre-towel drop absorber, (-yes, one of them catches all the drops and wetness on me after a shower, and the big towel is just for invigorating the skin-), dish rag, for cleaning chrome and porcellain, and so on. As long as you keep them out of the dryer and dry them on a line, they seem to last forever. Micro-fiber is not the cheapest per square inch, but sure seems to be the most cost-effective. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The census taker knocked on an old lady's door. He asked her several questions and she answered all of them except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked stubbornly. "Certainly," the census taker replied. Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are." So, the census taker intoned as he wrote on the form, "As old as the Hills."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest person in the world." And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way. I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother."

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What changes do we have to expect with Skype? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 12

Some dodos still don't realize, that dumb auto responders just
prove, that they are a stupid and inconsiderate nuisance, 
stuck on pre-1995 drivel. Yes, once upon a time, especially
amongst AOLers, they were fashionable. 
Times have changed! 
Dumb auto-responders went out of style in the mid 90's. 
Toss out your pre 95 drivel and get with it! 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. --- Peter Drucker 'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.' --- Mark Twain
Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's snickering voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn?"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Sara works, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat nuts. Imagine Sara's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'nuts'?"
Thanks to Eloise from http://eloises.ca for this picture. Eloise specializes on gluten free baking and provides gluten free mixes for breads, muffins, cakes and desserts. Good stuff for everybody, and live saver for some. . Click through the picture to the large version. Bouganvilla
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dodi Wasbotton, 51 in Fontana, California Granny Robber got caught FONTANA, Calif. - A crime analyst who put together a flyer for the "Granny Bandit" wanted in a series of armed robberies outside department stores helped police arrest the woman Wednesday after she spotted the suspect during her lunch break, police said. Dodi Wasbotten, 51, was taken into custody hours after a woman with a child reported being held up outside a Target store by a woman who was wearing a muumuu and covered her face with a scarf. After grabbing the victim's purse, she took off in a dark sedan with missing front hubcaps. A woman matching the suspect's description was involved in three other stickups in the San Bernardino County city of Fontana since Sunday. Women shoppers described being robbed in store parking lots by a gun-toting, middle-aged or elderly woman who covered her face. They described her as being between 50 and 80 years old. Green said Wasbotten, a grandmother of one, has a history of drug and alcohol use. He said she has been arrested by police before, but declined to release details of her criminal history.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allen Re: What changes do we have to expect with Skype? Dear Webby, What changes do we have to expect with Skype? I imagine security and reliability will drop as it gets adapted to interface with all the Microsoft stuff. What else do we have to expect? Allen Dear Allen I don't think the Skype software will be changed. That is pretty basic stuff. They will just give Microsoft the tools to link into it, much like PayPal gives you the tools to build "Buy Now" buttons, that you can put onto your pages to link into their system. Your buttons don't mess with their system, they just link into it and use it. The changes to expect are slightly higher rates for calling land line and cell phone numbers and considerably higher rates for calling Internet connected devices. That expected increase in rates will make it easy for others to compete. The technology is simple and old. The big deal is the contracts with telephone companies. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

In the cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Awww!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Removable Inserts In Birdbath One day it occurred to me that if I got large serving dishes or platters etc., I could put them inside of the bath portion of my bird baths. When it comes time to clean them, it's a snap to just pour out the water, lift out the platter and just wash it up! For the most part, I have found cute and colorful large dishes to place inside my bird baths. In the instance of my largest bird bath, I put the lightweight bird bath dish that I use in the winter inside the cement bird bath. Since it is extremely lightweight, cleaning is a snap! I also put a colorful smaller bowl in the center and some of the smaller birds like to land on that for their drink or bathing! By Jeanasina http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.'" "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a man drove his secretary to her mother's place after her mother had slipped and fallen down the stairs. Although nothing was broken, the mother was hurting and in shock and needed some help and assistance. Although this was a totally proper and formal trip, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high heel shoe half hidden between the seats. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the window. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

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