Great Advertising Campaign 






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Lexmark sabotages older printers with fake driver update 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 26

Thank you, John!

We are definitely back in the cooling ripple. It isn't 
Mother Nature making a fool of Al Gore and the grant seekers
any more, this is simply a eturn to the cool period like
we had 30 - 35 years ago.

When the grant seekers start howling about a pending ice 
age again, then you will know we are close to the end of 
the cooling ripple and will soon get gullible warming again.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" --- George Bernard Shaw Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. --- Plato
Thanks to Donnie for this report: I told my friend .... This morning I waded across a raging river, escaped from a bear in the woods, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and climbed up an enormous tree! ... My friend said, " You must be some outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if THIS deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can too. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if even his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, then surely he can too. He stands up, gingerly steps out of the boat, and sinks. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"
Click through the picture to the large version. It's nice and sunny up above.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Endicot Jackson Jr, 40, in Jacksonville, FL 5-Year-Old Steers Car When Father Passes Out JACKSONVILLE | Authorities say a 5-year-old girl took the steering wheel and did her best to drive the car off the road after her father passed out. The 2010 Camaro jumped a curb, ran over landscaping and crashed into a parking sign before it came to a stop Monday evening. A Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office report indicates the child had a bloody nose and lower lip. Officers found 40-year-old Mark Endicot Jackson Jr unresponsive and staring at the ceiling. He later told officials he had taken Xanax and oxycodone earlier in the day. Jackson was charged with driving under the influence while accompanied by a minor. He remained in the Jacksonville Jail early today, with bail set at $3,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dimitris Re: Lexmark sabotages printers Dear Webby It has been reported that Lexmark is sending messages to the users to update their firmware, passing these changes off disguised as "product updates" or "system improvements" or printer enhancements or similar phrases used by the OEM printer manufacturer. However, installing these "updates" can leave the printer unable to accept any but the very newest Lexmark cartridges and really cause problems with remanufactured Lexmark cartridges. If you are happy with the printer's performance, then there will be no benefit for you to accept the phony "firmware upgrades". If you want to be sure to have the choice of a remanufactured cartridge from a trusted toner cartridges source like Atlantic Inkjet, then you should say No to ANY and all changes offered by Lexmark ® or Samsung ®, Dell ® or IBM ®. Dimitris Dear Dimitris Thank you for that important alert! Since my printer works just fine with toner from Atlantic Inkjet, I definitely won't mess with the drivers for it. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Safety Pin to Mark Front When Sewing When I make sweaters for myself or family, I mark the front of the sweater on the right side with a small safety pin. I use safety pins for holding sweater pieces together for sewing them too. They are small and easy to spot. By Linda from Kearney, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again..?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning fire pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ... they're too wet to burn!"

» Orange festival






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Read This 

The Truth About the Israeli "Occupiers"

By Robert Ringer

Now that our dear leader has again shown his contempt for Israel and his sentimental attachment to radical Muslims, Israelis are feeling the heat from Jew haters worldwide more than at any time since World War II. Obama's modern-day version of the final solution is for Israel to simply cooperate in its own suicide by giving up the Golan Heights, the West Bank, and the Gaza Strip. (Predictably, he has since fudged a bit on the issue for political purposes.)

Read More Here...


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What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 25

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says Europe 'stealing Iran's rain'. 
Iran's version of Sheikh Obama, president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 
has accused Western countries of plotting to "cause drought" in 
Iran by using high tech equipment to drain the clouds of raindrops.

Because Mother Nature doesn't like bullshitters, moments after the 
Iranian president made the startling claim at the inauguration of 
a dam in a central province, it started to rain. 
He got soaked.

Amazing what some boneheads will do to amuse us!
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
"Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance." --- Sam Brown "A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time." --- Jay Leno
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best. What's the SECOND best?"
Thanks to Debbie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all your time and effort answering my questions, I don't know how you do it! Do you actually answer all your email or do you little elves helping you? I wanted to share this picture I took here in S.C. on my mother's deck, Debbie Dear Debbie There are no elves around here, but sometimes it gets rather late. DearWebby
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Hallock, 27 in Sebastian, Florida Son Arrested after Explosives Burn Mother SEBASTIAN, Fla. -- A Sebastian man faces charges of making a destructive device after an explosion in a shed behind a home sent his mother to the hospital. Investigators say 27 year-old Andrew Hallock was actually responsible for two explosive devices. Sunday afternoon, Hallock's mother, 63 year-old Nancy Galuppo, was cleaning out a shed behind her home on Shakespeare Street when an explosion nearly blew out the walls. Galuppo was flown to Orlando Regional Medical Center where she is in critical condition. While questioning Hallock, detectives discovered there was a second improvised explosive device in Hallock's home on Mulberry Street. That device was detonated overnight at the Sebastian airport by the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Bomb Squad.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1? Dear Webby What is so special about Word Perfect 5.1? I have seen it even on employment application forms and often wondered what's the big deal about an old program like that, when I can use a much newer program. Elsie Dear Elsie Word Perfect 5.1 is the last Word Perfect version, that is not WYSIWIG. There IS a print preview, but for fast professional work, you machine-gun the text in at top speed, then spell-check and proof read, and pretty it up at the same time. In the same spirit of maximum speed, WOP had every function and command available as a hot-key. Especially, when the function keys were still at the left of the keyboard, where touch typists could hit them without breaking their stride, that speeded things up considerably. You didn't have to take a hand off the keyboard and tediously mouse around. Since WordPerfect 5.1 is from before WYSIWIG. The screen is a dark blue, regular text is a greyish white. VERY easy on the eyes. Special formatting is shown in different colors. Yes, it does take some learning and practising, just like piloting a jet takes some learning and practising, but the high performance results are quite desireable. Or were, at one time. In the late 80's and 90's the work flow in offices changed. Computers started to look like fun, and easy enough for execs to use. At the same time, Women's Liberation and unions changed the typing pools. Nowadays the typing is done by execs and agents themselves, and instead of high speed, the emphasis is on the letters to look pretty. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the five little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'Heather, will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'Tonight I'll pay for supper'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Jewelery With Ice Cube Trays Use ice cube trays to organize jewelry. A few trays will fit nicely into your bureau drawer, and you can use the divided compartments to keep earrings together and to separate small-chain necklaces. By NatashaLee from New England http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with the answer: "Dumb Republicans! They need a union."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."

» Civil War Photos






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Sick Joke 

I was in the pub the other day telling that joke, "What do you do if you see an epileptic have a fit in the bath? Throw in your washing."

We were all having a good laugh about this when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me mate, but I don't find that funny. My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath during a fit."

I said, "I'm ever so sorry mate, did he drown?"

"No," he said, "he choked on a sock."


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Is Word Perfect still around? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 24

Thank you, Teresa!
Thank you, Sig!
 My Heroes!

Looks like Sheikh Obama backpedaled from his idea, 
that Israel should retreat to a 9 mile wide country, like it
was before 1967, after Netanyahu told him that won't happen
until after the US gives Texas back to Mexico. 
To Sheikh Obama's surprise, Texas apparently won't 
cooperate either.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." --- Will Rogers
One night Buffy brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance; fake leather jacket, cowboy boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Buffy," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, over the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit HER sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could manage our house over the weekend, while my wife was gone and I was out coaching. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days the 5:25 train is gonna be late and you're gonna get caught!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Darin Hickman, 46 of Staten Island, NY He also earned a Darwin Award. Thief jumps 200 feet and survives dies. ELIZABETH, N.J., May 22 (UPI) -- A Staten Island, N.Y., man out on bail for allegedly stealing an expensive handbag survived a 200-foot jump after allegedly stealing another one, police say. Hickman had a lengthy criminal record dating back to at least the 1980s, and his third stint in New York state prison -- for a 2005 possession of stolen property and a forged instrument conviction -- ended in February 2010, according to public records. New York Port Authority police were chasing Darin Hickman, 46, after he allegedly shoplifted a tony Louis Vuitton purse from a mall in New Jersey. Just as Hickman got close to the Goethals Bridge in Elizabeth, N.J., he rammed a police car, causing his Mitsubishi Diamante to catch fire, the New York Post reported Sunday. Hickman jumped out of the car and bolted down the highway and then he made a totally unexpected move, police said. "Suddenly, he makes a hard left -- and falls 200 feet!" an officer on the scene marveled. "I still, to this moment, can't believe what I saw. This mope threw himself off a bridge, and has no external injuries and seems to be fine." When police and firefighters discovered Hickman alive and breathing, all he wanted to know was, "How's my car?" the officer said. The alleged robber was out on bail for stealing a comparable Louis Vuitton bag worth $2,500 last week. Jones said that initial reports stated Hickman, who was captured by the authorities in the marsh, appeared to be uninjured. "He seemed to be coherent and conscious," Jones told The Item. However, Hickman apparently suffered internal injuries and was transported to University Hospital in Newark, where he died around 11:26 a.m.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darla Re: Is Word Perfect still around? Dear Webby My gramma wrote a lot about the family history, but it is all in Word Perfect format. Can that be converted, or is Word perfect still around? Darla Dear Darla Word Perfect is still around and still has Millions of loyal fans and users. It is part of the Corel Office suite now. You can run it in Word Perfect Mode, Word Perfect Classic (5.1) Word Perfect Legal or Microsoft Word mode. Typists and correspondents, who get paid according to how many letters they answer per day, swear by the Classic 5.1 mode. That's the 100 words per minute crowd. Legal transcribers are also quite fanatic about it. All those modes are not different versions. You simply select which mode you want to use for any file. Corel Office is priced professionally, however, you can usually get previous year's versions at eBay for $10 - $50. Corel Office also includes Quattro, my favorite spreadsheet program. You can also use Open Office. It will pick up Word perfect files and will even let you save them bak into that format. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Anna's third-grade class students were bombarding her with questions about her newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" Little Johnny tried answering that one: "Well, the way your ears stick out like a open barn doors, I could do it from fifty feet with my '22." Ann breathed a sigh of relief. She had been afraid somebody would ask if they got both ears with one shot.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ice Cream Sundae Bar for Memorial Day An easy dessert for your backyard Memorial Day gathering is to set up an Ice Cream Sundae "bar" with several varieties of ice cream, toppings, chopped candy bar and cookie pieces, whipped cream, and cherries, of course. Kids love it and adults get pretty creative too! Don't forget the extra napkins! http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said: "No deposit, no return."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman, that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

» Storm Clouds






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Expired Microsoft WORD and EXCEL 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 23

Thank you, Elizabeth!
Thank you, Staza!
Thank you Rebbie! 
 My Heroes!


Today's picture reminds me of a trip down the Musqua, Nelson 
and Liard river many years ago, in 72. I left with three friends 
at 4am, at the end of a wild party. We were going to try and 
get jobs at the construction of the Smokey Mountain pipeline.

Yes, we were quite naive and not very sober. 
We rafted with an abandoned plywood river boat. No motor, 
not even a paddle. 
It was quite an adventure!

A few hours before we got to Fort Liard, the sky behind us
looked just like in that picture, except the Liard river is about 
three times as wide. We KNEW we were going to get soaked. 
So I suggested cutting some saplings on the shore, and tying 
up all the blankets we had as sails, because, I figured, the
wind would hit us before the rain.

Pretty soon we were clipping down that river at incredible
speeds. Picture 4 bearded hippies (remember , it was 1972)
on a rickety "boat", that looked like a hijacked sand box,
with four blankets rigged in a rather haywire fashion,
trailing a long steering oar and a fair bit of white water, 
just a hooting and hollering, and knowing, that if we hit a
log jam or gravel bar doing 50 miles an hour, it would be
very messy and very painful.

The log jams had been dynamited before the ice went out,
and were just at the upward tips of islands. We managed to
avoid hitting any of those and got to Fort Liard, just as the
first big drops fell. We hit the shore and rode the bow wave
up the sand about 30 feet, grabbed our stuff and ran up the
bank to the porch of an abandoned store. 

After all our stuff was safe and dry, we stood out in the 
downpour for a very overdue shower. 
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
Most people would succeed in small things, if they were not troubled with great ambitions. ---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin
Thanks to Donnie for this story: Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee, her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. "What's wrong Molly?" she asked. Molly told her that she had morning sickness. Surprised, Sarah said, "Hurray! I didn't even know you were pregnant!" "I'm not," the harried middle-aged mother replied. "I'm just sick of mornings." ----------- Try changing the coffee grounds more frequently!
Do you remember the smell and taste of REAL tomatoes? REAL tomatoes, that you could bite into, and smell a tomato sandwich from across the room? If you prefer REAL tomatoes like that, to the bland, tough- skinned stuff, that has been modified for mechanical harvesting, long distance transport and the convenience of the stores, the answer could be on your balcony or window sill. Organic Tomato Magic Use Method, not chemicals!

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Smallwood, 40, in Acron, Ohio Duct Tape Sticks Akron Man to 10 Years in Prison (Akron) - An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence. The victim, who was 91-years-old at the time of the offense, was awakened around 2:30 a.m. on August 5 when two men broke into his house. The burglars put duct tape on one of the windows so there would not be noise when they broke in. The burglars went to the victim’s bedroom and pushed him around and hit him with a screwdriver, demanding money. The victim began to yell, at which point they found some money in the pants he had worn that day. They took off before police got there. The victim could not identify the suspects, so DNA was taken from the duct tape on the window. There was a hit on Smallwood and a swab was obtained. His DNA matched the DNA on the duct tape. Summit County Prosecutor Sherri Bevan Walsh says, “The number of uses for duct tape just increased by one – crime solving.” Smallwood was on community control for a 2009 case for failure to comply with a police officer when he committed this offense. He was also awaiting sentencing on a 2010 case for breaking and entering.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Expired Microsoft WEIRD and EXCEL Dear Webby We got a few computers for work from Dell. They came with some kind of sneaky trial of Microsoft office pre-installed. Now, all of a sudden, that stopped working, and we are supposed to pay serious money, just to keep using it. All we need is WEIRD and EXCEL, none of the other stuff. What do bigger companies do about that? Elsie Dear Elsie Not just bigger, but also small companies use Open Office. It is free. It will pick up WORD and Excel files, and even lets you save them in WORD or Excel format, not just in Open format. You can continue using the old format, and gradually switch to the Open format. You can download it from http://www.openoffice.org/ Open Office Write and Calc do everything WORD and Excel used to do, but the switch may take some people a bit of getting used to. It's well worth it, though. Have FUN DearWebby
Aquaponics is back! They were just overwhelmed with orders and their server could not cope. Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! Actually, if you act like you were leaving the site, you can get it all for $19! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger, or are YOU getting too old and forgetful?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rosemary For Skewers Rather than buying skewers I use branches off of my rosemary bush. I cut them approximately 12 inches long. After thoroughly washing the branch, I strip the leaves and either dry them in the oven or use them fresh. I use a knife to put a point on the branch and "thread" on onions, pineapple, chunks of chicken and bell peppers. The taste imparted when put on the barbecue is heavenly. Equally successful is roasting them in the oven at 375 degrees F. This is just my favorite recipe. Your imagination and taste can guide you to the food you put on your skewers. By Maryinaz from AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
That baseball bat joke reminds me of this one: A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

» Cute Critters






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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 22

Thank you, Anita!
Thank you, Neil!
Thank you Patricia!
Thank you, Chuck!
Thank you, Marilyn!
Thank you, Ruth!
Thank you, Richard!
Thank you, Lisa!
Thank you Thomas!
Thank you, Bonita!
Thank you, Carl!
 
 My Heroes!



Click through the picture to the large version.
 
A few people asked about how much it costs to send money with PayPal.
It doesn't cost the sender anything.
The recipient pays for the transaction, same as with bank transfers.

With commercial transactions, for example, when you are paying 
an invoice or buying something, the recipient pays 30 cents plus 2.9%.
Because of the flat fee 30 cents, that is a big chunk out of a single dollar,
but negligible on a larger amount.

If you want to transfer money to a kid or spouse, 
if it is from a PayPal account to another PayPal account, it is free.
Overall, it is a good deal, and better than any other method, that
I have seen. And the sender never pays. Always the smiling recipient.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
To get the last word in: Apologize --- Socratex 'Whatever you are, be a good one.' --- Abraham Lincoln
Jews don't recognize Christ as their savior, Catholics don't recognize Jews, Baptists don't recognize one another in the liquor store, and moonshiners don't buy corn in their own village.
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

One rainy evening John and his wife emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car. He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so they went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found. John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they climbed in. As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have a coathanger ready!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stevie Hickey, 22, New Kensington, PA Vain 21 year old runs over her father NEW KENSINGTON, Pa. (AP) - A Pennsylvania woman will stand trial on charges she fed marijuana-laced margarine to a 12-year-old girl she was baby-sitting, as well as two other children at her home. The 12-year-old's mother called Upper Burrell Township police after discovering the drugs in a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter in 22-year-old Stevie Hickey's freezer. The woman tells police Hickey spread the substance on two pieces of toast that Hickey gave to the girl. Police say Hickey told the girl it was "parsley butter" but later acknowledged to police that it was marijuana. The Valley News Dispatch in Tarentum reports Hickey remains free after waiving her right to a preliminary hearing on marijuana possession and child endangerment charges May 10.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jacqui Re: Facebook Cursor Hi Webby re the facebook cursor problem for God's sake don't click on it it's a hacker. There has been lots of trouble on facebook with the logo popping up asking you to log in again - but it's this damn hacker. They get their kicks by going into your profile and screwing around etc etc all the best Jacqui Thanks, Jacqui! Some people wrote and figured the problem is due to IncredibleSilly Mail, and some figured it was due to tool bars like the Yahoo tool bar. Since I don't use those, I can't verify those suggestions, but I definitely would suggest getting rid of any and all optional tool bars. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect! Stevie Hickey

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates real well and I act like I'm listening."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be easily picked up by hand. Source: Dog Fancy Magazine By Teri from Tionesta, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Jim for this one: I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just what I learned in college: Stealing cars, selling dope and running moonshine." They've never called back.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the chef. He does not like being boiled or fried."

» Vector Art






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Growing Older 

Q:   Where can single men over the age of 50 find younger women who are interested in them?
A:   Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q:   What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:   Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q:   Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A:   Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt..."

Q:   How can you increase the heart rate of your over-50 year-old husband?
A:   Tell him you're pregnant.

Q:   How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A:   Take off your glasses.

Q:   Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A:   Go braless. It will usually pull them out..

Q:   Why should 50-plus year old people use valet parking?
A:   Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q:   Is it common for 50-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:   Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q:   As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:   Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q:   Where should 50-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:   On their foreheads.

Q:   What is the most common remark made by 50-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:   "Gosh, I remember these!"


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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 21

Thank you, Melissa!
Thank you, John!
Thank you Ron!
Thank you, Doug!
Thank you Frank!
Thank you, Ann! 

It sure was a hectic birthday. In the morning I had to get my 
feet checked. Apparently, diabetics at my level ae not supposed 
to do their toe nails and sand their callouses themselves, because
you can't feel it, when you go to deep, and before you know it,
you caused a problem, that won't go away. So Chris at Aestyou
takes care of my feet once a month.

After that things went downhill. At the post office there were
disconnect notices from the phone company, the electrical
company, and the gas company. 

So I started phoning people, who owe me money, and asked
Barb to come in and do her fancy account shuffling.
By mid afternoon we managed to postpone the end of the world
to the end of the month.

Then I got Ophelia Dingbatter's birthday present. 
She asked her subscribers to send me a donation.
Six of them did!

I was able to put a few more dollars onto the overdue utility
invoices, and kept enough mad money to buy myself a small steak
at the store.

Thanks!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. --- Tom Stoppard
Thanks to Sandie for this: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this"? I indignantly asked my husband. "What"? he asked. "The wrinkles"?
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise." "Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one."
.Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittanie Wagner, Bradenton, Florida Vain 21 year old runs over her father MAY 19--Driving without her glasses, a 21-year-old Florida woman early today struck a pedestrian walking on the side of the road. But it was only until Brittanie Wagner was pulled over by a cop for leaving the scene of an accident, that she realized the victim was her own father, according to a police report. Wagner told investigators that she initially thought she hit “an animal or a garbage can” while driving along a Bradenton street around 1 AM. But when her passenger said that a person was actually struck, Wagner arrived at an unfortunate realization. “Oh my God I hit my Dad,” Wagner exclaimed to her friend, since her father was the only one typically walking on that road at that time of night. Wagner, pictured smiling for the police mug shot, told cops that she came to that conclusion “not because she recognized him but because she knows he always walks on that particular roadway.” It was more or less an admission to knowing she hit somebody, she just had not realized she had hit her own father until the cops stopped her. According to Wagner’s fiancé, Kevin Rodriguez, she was serving as designated driver for a friend who was intoxicated. Oliver Wagner, who was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries, was helping to arrange his daughter’s release this afternoon from the Manatee County jail, said Rodriguez. The car was damaged but is repairable. In addition to the leaving the scene of an accident count, Wagner was charged with failing to obey a restriction on her driver’s license requiring her to wear eyeglasses while operating a motor vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Facebook Cursor Hi Webby, Another question for you....I am not a Face Book participant, but for some unknown reason my cursor lights up with a Face Book icon when I cross over some subjects while on line. I have never even visited Face Book to see what it's all about. How can I get rid of this annoying icon?? You've been having some very beautiful pictures as of late.... Thanks, Carol Dear Carol I have never seen that and can't find any mention of that problem anywhere. Maybe one fo the readers has seen it r heard about it? If anbody knows about that Facebook cursor problem, please hit reply and tell me! Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

This one is a classic: Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open upm and the phone was already ringing non-stop. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing anf getting me more than a bit annoyed. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. You can imagine the stench of that mixed up perfume overload! Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be easily picked up by hand. Source: Dog Fancy Magazine By Teri from Tionesta, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When my neighbor's son Billie came home from college for the summer, it only took him 2 seconds to recreate the "look and feel" of his dorm room. He opend his suitcase and his backpack, and rotated rapidly about three times. He used to be quite a snappy dresser in highschool, and his parents were quite disenchanted when they noticed that his dressing style had dropped to about the same level as the organization in his room. Over dinner, they tried to touch on the informal versus formal dress codes that life outside of college might require. Billie, however, shared his own firmly held dress code guidelines: 1. informal: sock (s) not required 2. semiformal: two socks required 3. formal: both socks must match
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."

» Windows of the Universe






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How to add an external harddrive? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thursday was cold and rainy, but it did not snow at this altitude.
The few times the mountains did peek through, they showed fresh snow.
I think we have to get ready for a flood, when all that stuff gets melted.
At this time of the year, there is a lot of power in the sunshine, when
it is allowed through, and when the big melting is late, it is usually
quite suddenly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
"The most important things to say are those which often I did not think necessary for me to say -- because they were too obvious." --- André Gide
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A cynical granny overheard and spoke up, "Lady, what you really want is a TV!"
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied, and got fined twenty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her checkbook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $25."
.Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. RedMaple among Blue-eyed-Marys
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Correction re yesterday's Bonehead Award: just in case it matters, Millwood is in Ware County, Georgia, which is exactly where I live, as well as Sheriff Royal. very interesting. Dave An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Tyrone Donaldson, 20, of Fort Myers, Florida Hitchhiker kidnaps driver at gunpoint A driver who gave a man a ride to McDonald's found himself kidnapped at gunpoint, sheriff's deputies say. Deputies arrested Michael Tyrone Donaldson, 20, of Fort Myers, this past weekend on charges of armed kidnapping, aggravated assault with a firearm, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and obstruction by giving false information. On Saturday, Donaldson reportedly asked a man in the parking lot of the Siesta Inn on the North Tamiami Trail for a ride to the McDonald's near the Sarasota-Bradenton International Airport. While en route, Donaldson pointed a gun at the driver, told him to drive east on University Parkway and to remove his pants, deputies reported. While headed south on Interstate 75, the two men struggled inside the car, which swerved across three lanes of traffic and eventually crashed into bushes in the center median. Several passersby, including a retired police officer from Tampa, who eventually disarmed Donaldson, witnessed the two struggling on the ground and came to the victim's aid. Donaldson, who was wanted for violation of probation for a narcotics charge in Lee County, reportedly gave deputies a false name.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barb Re: External hard drive Dear Webby, What's all involved with getting an external hard drive to get more space for a computer? Does it have to be formatted and partitioned? Thanks Barb Dear Barb All you really HAVE to do is get one, plug it in, and drag files to it. No need to format or partition. That makes a totally chaotic pantry out of it, but it works. The civilized way to do it is this way: 1) Draw up a plan for organizing the files on the new drive 2) Get the drive 3) Get a plug-in strip and a bunch of wide rubber bands 4) Plug the plug-in strip into a wall outlet and tame the cable salad behind the computer. 5) Plug in the power cube for the new drive. 6) Plug the USB cable from the new drive into the computer. 7) Go over the file organization plan again and make it really pretty. Chances are good, that you will improve the organization while you do that. 8) Make the folders on the new drive 9) Drag the files, that don't have to be on the primary drive, onto the new drive. 10) Set your programs, for example Open Office, Skype, etc. to save files by default to the new drive. 11) Move anything, that does not have to be on the C: drive onto the new drive. 12) Defrag the old and the new drive. That's all there is to it, to do it like a real proessional. Oh, and forget the silly notion that now you have plenty of space and will never again need an additional drive. I thought that, when I added a 10 MB drive to my 360 KB floppy drive. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the General's new bird dog, "Sarge". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The General declined, saying that Sarge was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price. A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog. "What happened to ole Sarge?" he asked. "Had to shoot him," grumbled the General. "A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him Colonel. After that, all he would do was sit on his butt and bark."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Seedlings With Recycled Plastic Bottles I got some 2 liter bottles that I had in my recycling bin. I also had some water bottles saved for recycling too. I cut the bottom and the top off and slid them down over my small delicate plants to protect them from the wind. They will still receive the light and I can still water them. This is working great for these plants. By Nana from Panhandle of Texas http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Faye for this one: I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly vistors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Chris for this one: Five tips for a woman.... 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a good job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you. 5. It is important that none of these four men know about the other ones.

» Caprock Canyon






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Probblems connecting to the blog 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 19

Spring has finally come to the foothills of the Rockies,
and dandylions are popping on every lawn, that has not
been drenched with broad leaf herbicides.

Personally, I can't be bothered. As long as I cut them,
before they go to seed, nobody can bitch, and they
ARE pretty!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Home is where you hang your @ --- Socratex Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; Teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks. --- Socratex
Thanks to Janet for this one: Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? A: My husband's lawyer's death.
.Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. RedMaple among Blue-eyed-Marys
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katherine R. Gurley, 49, Ware County, Florida Ware County woman arrested while visiting boyfriend at jail in pot farm case A Ware County woman ended up behind bars herself when she came to jail to visit her boyfriend, a convicted drug trafficker who had been arrested at a large-scale marijuana growing operation at the couple's Millwood home. Katherine R. Gurley, 49, is jailed without bail on charges of manufacturing marijuana, trafficking in marijuana, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of marijuana, county Sheriff Randy Royal said Monday. Gurley lived with Michael Wayne Mancil in the 7900 block of Herrin Road where deputies seized at least $1.4 million worth of marijuana, beginning Thursday. Deputies found marijuana packaged and ready for sale and live plants from seedlings to mature weed. The clandestine pot farm is among the largest uncovered in Ware County in recent history, Royal said. "From what we've learned through the investigation so far, there is every indication that the marijuana was being sold locally and in surrounding counties as well," Royal said. Arrested Thursday night, Mancil also remained jailed without bail. A 59-year-old felon, Mancil is charged with manufacturing marijuana, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute, trafficking in marijuana, possession of a firearm by a felon and possession of a firearm during the commission of crime. "We arrested Ms. Gurley on Saturday when she came to visit him at the jail," Royal said. Gurley and Mancil have lived together about four years at the Millwood home, he said. "She said she had no idea that [marijuana cultivation] was going on out there," Royal said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Connection problem Dear Webby, I have been trying yo bring up your blog of old letters. Have tried several times and it will open and take a while to download then say "Done", but nothing comes up. I wail for at least 15 minutes but still nothing. Am I doing something wrong? Thanks for all your help. Love the pictures and save as many as possible on and old computer. keep up the good work. Carole Dear Carole The blog opens fine for me. Ezinefinder is down, but there is nothing I can do about them. They are independent and not on our servers. Possibly the vote button or the google ad on top are delaying the page load. Hopefully they will be working again soon! Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

Thanks to Edna for this story: Last night a lady on the table next to mine in the restaurant asked the waiter if they had frozen yoghurt for desert. He replied: "We sure do, in all the popular flavors." Then she asked: "Is it low fat yoghurt?" The waiter answered: "It sure is! We serve only zero fat, low calory, diet yoghurt with fresh frozen fruit mixed in." She said: "Hmmm, that sounds delicious!" The waiter then asked her: "Would you like whipped cream on top of that?" Her reply was: "That sounds even better! Yes, please! Lots of it!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Super Glue From Drying Out My husband taught me a little trick tonight. If you are using super glue, before replacing the cap, gently squeeze the tube on the sides and the glue will be "sucked" back down into the tube. This keeps the glue from drying in the applicator, or worse, to the cap! By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The McGillicuddy's next door are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four cops and a dog to stop the fight.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannikin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy , so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep do at night?"

» Photos of the World






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Clues? 


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Should Domain Owner Info be available or hidden? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 18




Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people. --- Robert Benchley There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. --- Socratex "Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty." --- Frank Herbert A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --­ Herm Albright
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "No. It's the mother in law. As you know, she lives with us. We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man said, "The month is up today!"
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
. Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the prison in Sudbury, England Woman charged with DUI, urinating near kids FAIRFIELD, Conn. -- A 43-year-old Fairfield woman has been arrested after police say she undressed and urinated in front of children near a car wash fundraiser for a local middle school. Amy Ficke is charged with creating a public disturbance and driving under the influence. Police say children and others at the McKinley School car wash witnessed Ficke get out of her car Saturday and relieve herself. Police said Ficke failed three sobriety tests. She is due in court on May 24. A message seeking comment from Ficke was left at her home.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Antonia Re: Guard domain owner info? Dear Webby, Our web teacher told us to always hide our info, when registering a domain. Seems to me, I read at one time that you considered that a dumb idea. Get on your soap box and give me some ammo! Antonia Dear Antonia You remembered correctly. That stupid idea is probably from the same idiot, as the one who recommends dumb auto-responders. There is a good reason, why the domain owner's info has to be accessible and up to date, and NOT hidden. If there is a problem with his or her site, there has to be a way to alert the owner. If an alert message bounces back or if there is no working address, that site instantly becomes a ZERO TOLERANCE problem site. If there is a problem with such a site, Web Hosts lock them up and usually kick them out. The owner could be in the maternity ward of a hospital, and if there is a working address and phone number, somebody can respond in a day or two, and explain the problem or promise a proper response in a few days. Yes, there will be some spam with a properly listed contact address, just like there will be some paper junk mail, when you have a downtown store. That's part of doing business and not really a big deal. So, tell the misguided bozo to go on a diet of Smarties and stop being a bad example! Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

The fragrance department of a department store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Underfed and overdressed scarecrows move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bait scent. It's not a big problem. If you threaten to spray them with bear repellant if they spray that suff on you, they spray themselves with their own stink-bait and think you sprayed them with bear repellant and they get all confused and run off. One day, outside the store's restaurant, one of the too skinny scarecrows sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman commented that the perfume was too strong, the scarecrow replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "Schee!" her friend chided. "I tol' you not to have that schecond bottle. By the time you schober up, that perfume will have dischiput...., dsichpu.. will be all gone away!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bath Soak For Sore Muscles Safe, all natural bath soak is easy to make and relaxes your tired sore muscles. Take 2 cups of Epsom salts and 2 cups of baking soda, mix together well and add 5-10 drops of your favorite essential oil or a combination of oils. This is optional but luxurious. I like eucalyptus and lavender oil, 5 drops of each. This makes a nice muscle soak. Equal drops of rose oil and bergamot makes another nice soak. There is no end to the combinations you can make. Epsom salts are magnesium sulfate and relax muscles naturally. Add one cup of your bath mixture salts to water, no hotter than 100 degrees F and soak for 20 minutes, one hour before bed. If essential oils are outside of your budget, squeeze or add lemon juice, limes, or oranges or the zest of these fruits. Zest is simply the thin scrapings of the rind. Chop a teaspoon of the zest really fine and add to your salts. You can add cinnamon and vanilla extract for an aromatherapy experience to die for, or drop a tea bag-green tea or fruit flavor directly into the bath water along with the salts. By SAT from Silver Spring, MD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only one block from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture? A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? A: No, I was at home reading lawyer jokes.

» Galapagos






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Quote of the century 

"Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger.



It's the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the Clown."




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Dyslexic Paddy 

Official 'Summertime' had just ended and in the early hours of that morning Paddy found his dyslexic mate Seamus, sitting covering his Willy with black boot polish.

Paddy said, "You idiot - you're supposed to turn your clock back!"



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Interactive Services Dialogue Detection 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 17

It sure cooled off!
Seems to be quite traditional. Second weekend in May is nice
enough for planting, then it gets cold. When I was a kid in 
Austria, we had calendars, that had every day named after 
some saint. The Saints in this part of May were called
the "Ice Saints", and everybody knew that some rude cooling
off for a few days was to be expected at that time.

Gullible warming has not changed that. At the moment the 
outside thermometer reads 2 degrees below frezing.

And it did not stop me from my walk, even though I was
wearing my big old parka.

Quite a few people asked today how they can email voices 
generated with that Text To Speech link from yesterday.
Some were even afraid to try it.
OK, here are a couple examples:
Cook.Wav
Cook1.Wav

You can record the voices with whatever recording program,
that works on your machine. I use Audacity. It is old and
crude, but it works well and I am used to it. You may have to 
try two or three sound recording programs, before you find
one that both you and your computer get along with.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport. --- George Winters Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein
A couple is sitting on a park bench, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? It must be half-a-mile away by now." Once you have a national accent and effect that sounds as different from you as possible, record it as a wav file, make a shortcut to it so that you can play it by double-clicking the shortcut icon.
Gluten Free Low Glycemic Cookbook for Diabetics, Allergy Sufferers and all food sensitive people. This Cookbook is gluten-free, low-glycemic, allergy-aware with meat, vegetarian and vegan options throughout. There isn't another product like it on or offline! Yes, it's unique! Get Fun with GF/LG Food now!

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life he should sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal each morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 15 great grandchildren, and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
. Thanks to Jai for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. We have been besieged by the 13 year Cicada's here. They make the air sound like aliens have landed, and very loud. I have been trying to get a glympse of one, but they go from their holes in the ground to the treetops where they buzz away. But this morning, it is 59 degrees (F), and being cooler they are not active. I found one that was just resting on a rock, so I went and grabbed my camera. Here he is, ugly isn't he? Jai
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the prison in Sudbury, England Prison becomes burglary victim SUDBURY, England (UPI) -- Staff at an open prison in England learned lawbreakers can get in as well as out when they discovered tools missing from a workshop. The burglary at the Sudbury Prison took place sometime before 9 a.m. Monday, the Derby Telegraph reported. In addition to tools, oxyacetylene tanks and hoses were missing. The prison was built as a U.S. military hospital during World War II and converted to its present function in 1948. It has something of a reputation for escaped inmates with 18 prisoners reported missing between April and September last year, including a man serving 12 years for manslaughter. The Telegraph reported finding a hole in the fence during its own inspection Wednesday. Inmates returning from day release found the break-in funny with one asking "How can they be expected to keep the prisoners in if they can't keep the burglars out?" Prison authorities were tight-lipped, saying only that the theft is a "police matter."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Interactive Services Dialogue Detection Dear Webby, Have subscribed to your humorous, informative and always enjoyable newsletter. Delighted you're on the road to a healthful recovery. That is not a problem. Something called Interactive Serices Dialogue Detection keeps appearing every few minutes, literally, as long as I'm online. Have tried living with it; however, it has finally begun to drive me batty. What is it and WHY do I keep getting it? (As a matter of fact, it has just reappeared.) It states "a program can't display a message on your desktop". It has really become nerve-wracking. Also, my eyes have been bad since roughly age 6 or 7. Is it okay to try the large version a few times to see if it would help me see better then, if not, go back to the normal version? My experience and knowledge of computers is almost nonexistent. However, it's no problem to print the page and then follow a step-by-step procedure. Maybe I should simply starve for a year, then buy a new one? You have no idea how much your help means to 'dumb' peope like myself. Thanks for the years of humor and help. Lee Dear Lee That Interactive Serices Dialogue Detection message is a VISTA and W7 "feature". Disabling that message is easy, but that would be about as silly as removing the "Oil Low" warning light from the dash of your car. You might be able to get around it by switching from IE to FireFox, but that does not permanently solve the underlying problem. You will have to contact Microsoft support about that problem. Re Large Size: You already got the large size. Just hold down the CTRL key and scroll the mouse wheel to zoom everything to comfortable size. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

The 3 fastest means of communication: Tell-a-Belle Telephone Television (For those of you outside of the southern USA, a "Southern Belle" is a "Southern Beauty", not to be confused with Southern Bell, a telephone company in Louisiana, Florida and Texas)
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Phone in Purse When Charging Seems like I was always forgetting to put my cell phone in my purse after charging it. Now I just leave the phone in my purse while it is charging and haven't forgotten it since By cschatz http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " " ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS !". They look at each other, then go in. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same." "Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're from California. They're waiting for happy hour."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Betty-Sue walked into the Emergency Room of a hospital in a small town. She walked up to a nurse and said, "Ah wants to see a Uptern." The nurse looked at her kinda funny and said, "Don't y'all mean Intern?" The girl replied, "Okay, if'n y'all say so, but ah wants a contamination." The nurse is a little confused and says, "Don't y'all mean examination?" The girl replied, "Uptern, intern, contamination, examination, ah don caire, ah ain't demonstrated for 6 months and an ah thinks ah'm stagnant.

» Country Roads






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The ultimate POW video 




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Are the "Obama turning white" mails malicious? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 16

Saturday was nice and warm, so I was quite surprised when I
saw my neighbor raking the dry and matted stuff out of her
lawn and wearing a parka. Then her husband showed up to help
her, wearing a fleece hoodie and gloves. 

It turned out to be 6 degrees above freezing with a nasty wind.
I decided to postpone yard work until the weather gets a bit 
more civilized. Plenty of work to do inside.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. --- Jean Paul Richter Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. --- Kin Hubbard
Here is another good message for telemarketers who try to be a nuisance at the most inconvenient time: "The answering machine is sick. This is the microwave. If you want to cook your brain, - just hold your stoopid telephone to your head." If you don't want to use your voice, go to Text to speech and paste or type it in. You can select all kinds of different personalities and accents, plus many different effects, like airport style reverb, or bullhorn or flanger or speed, etc. Caution! Some of you might wet your pants from laughing too hard while trying different accents and effects! For a really funky robotic effect try Lee (Australia) and set Pitch to "Higher" For a voice, that really means it, try Moira (Irish) and set the reverb to ON. Once you have a national accent and effect that sounds as different from you as possible, record it as a wav file, make a shortcut to it so that you can play it by double-clicking the shortcut icon.
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies. The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual." "Why is that?" the mother asked. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied.
. Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Roses in the weeds
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ellenbeth Wachs, 48, in Lakeland, Florida Serious Bimbo Malfunction Atheist Official Elisabeth Wachs Charged With Simulating Sex Act In her second arrest this year, the Atheists of Florida's legal coordinator was jailed Sunday on a charge of simulating a sex act in the presence of a 10-year-old boy. Ellenbeth Wachs, 48, of Lakeland, is accused of purposely making noises from inside her home March 13 to pretend as if she were having sex while the boy and his father overheard, according to the Polk County Sheriff's Office. Wachs made the noise in an effort to make the boy stop playing basketball outside her house on Lake Victoria Drive, a complaint affidavit says. She told him to stop shooting baskets because she was trying to sleep. A Polk County sheriff's detective began investigating after the boy's father, Otto Lehman, filed for an injunction for protection against Wachs in April. A complaint affidavit says the boy played basketball in front of their home, beside Wachs' home about 8:30 a.m. and she yelled through an open window for him to stop. Lehman and his son, Forrest, returned later and she started to yell "Oh John," repeating it "over and over again and kept increasing the volume until it was a loud scream," according to the complaint affidavit. Wachs was also moaning and making other sounds out the open window, that "sounded like a woman experiencing sexual gratification in an extremely loud fashion," the affidavit says. She continued until the father and son left the area. On March 3, Wachs was jailed on a charge that she posed as a licensed lawyer, but was out on bail. After the second arrest she was kept in jail for a few days. She has since been released on bail again, but warned to behave and stay away from the Lehmans.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: is "Obama turned white" a scam? Dear Webby, Are mails and facebook notices about Obama allegedly turning white like Michael Jackson just virus bait, like the scammy stuff about Osama Bin Laden one or two weeks ago? Chris Dear Chris All I have seen so far are photos making fun of the initials for his re-election campaign. In those pictures he does appear to have undergone a face lift, ear-tuck and Michael Jackson style whitening, but it's just plain photos like this one, without anything malicious attached. As long as you don't have to click on anything or download anything, you are quite safe. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

Thanks to Janet for this one: We had made some changes in our diet. My husband lost 50 pounds and I lost 15. I felt good and active again and after eight years of being a housewife, I took a job in a restaurant. When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug. He seemed to cling to me longer than usual. "Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked. "No," came the reply. "But you smell so much like decent food, that I hate to let go."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Teacups As Votive Holders If you have teacups you want to display, maybe mismatched ones you don't want to get rid of, try this. Put a votive candle in them and place them on a stack of books on a bookshelf or an end table. There are many ways to decorate with them. A friend of mine does this and it looks very cute. By Amy from Oklahoma City, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A father was examining his son's report card. "One thing is definitely in your favor," he announced. "With grades like that, you couldn't possibly be cheating."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He was surprised to see God Himself at the Pearly Gates, but God explained that this was St. Peter's day off, and since things were rather slow these days, He, God would check him in and show him around. Well, Heaven turned out to be everything the man had always been told: angles flying around, playing harps, reading, and just enjoying the things they had on earth. There were also pets there, and they were right by their earthly masters. Presently, God and the man arrive at a long section of cubicles, with one way mirrored wall that you coud look in, but just saw mirrors from the inside. In each of these cubicles, there was just one person. "What's this section Lord?" the man asks. "Oh this is the section for those people who think they're the only ones up here!" the Lord answers.

» Decades of dress code






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Computer almost locks up when idling 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 15

Insurance companies in the US seem to really enjoy the poor 
economy. People are really holding back with all co-pay 
procedures, saving the insurance companies huge amounts
of money. Since they like getting used to that kind of income,
now they want some legistlation that will guarantee them the
same leel of income when the economy recovers after the next
election.

Apparently they are leasing senators like crazy to get it
into legislation in time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones To accomplish great things we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe. --- Anatole
Thanks to F. for this one: I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassedly: "Doin Just Fine!" And the other guy says: "So what are you up too?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!" At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. Can I come over to your place after while? Ok, this question is just wacky but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "Well, I have company over, so today is a bad day for me!" Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps fantasizing I am talking to him and he is answering all the questions that I ask you, bye!"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1960's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, the reply was, "That's true, but since the science of economics is explaining today why the perdictions we made last year were wrong, the answers obviously are different every year."
. Click through the picture to the large version. A bridge in China
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Kenneth Jones, 44, in Evans, GA Evans man calls cops, arrested when they find drugs An Evans man reporting a burglary was arrested on drug charges Wednesday after he invited police to search his home, where they found materials used to manufacture methamphetamine. James Kenneth Jones, 44, of the 200 block of Edwards Drive, called police just after 6 p.m. claiming a woman he knows kicked in his back door and stole a television, laptop computer and $694 cash from his bedroom earlier in the day. Jones said he didn’t report it immediately because he spoke to the woman who admitted she took the items and he thought she’d return them. He repaired the damage because he had to leave and called police when he returned. Police were searching Jones’ bedroom to determine if other items were stolen when they found a small amount of methamphetamine and pseuodephedrine in a dresser drawer. He then gave police permission to search the rest of the property. They also found a marijuana cigarette in the sofa, a partially smoked one in the ashtray of his car and more partially smoked marijuana cigarettes in a shed. Police found materials used to manufacture methamphetamine in the shed and home, including coffee filters, lithium battery strips and packaging, instant ice packs, muriatic acid, paint thinner cans and lye. Jones was charged with possession of methamphetamine, possession of substances with the intent to manufacture methamphetamine and possession of marijuana. He is being held in the Columbia County Detention Center without bond, according to jail records.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Computer partially locks up when not in use Dear Webby, Lately, if I left the computer alone for a couple of hours, it gets almost impossible to use. Especially the browsers, and it takes me a long time to close enough tabs until it gets fast enough to be able to get any work done. As long as I am working, that does not happen, just when it sits idling, it seems to seize up. What is causing that, and how can I avoid it? Fred Dear Fred There are various programs that detect idleness, and figure that would be a good time to do a bit of housekeeping. The better disk defragmenters and anti malware scanners are typical for that. Normally, those are not a problem, since they just gag up on the computer, when you are sleeping. However, they can't tell, whether you are napping or shopping or attending to Wilma, they just see a chance to clean up. If you use FireFox, it is quite safe to close it down. It will remember all your open tabs of stuff, that you are going to check out some rainy day, and will obediently open them again, when you start Firefox again. The same with most other programs. Just close down what does not have to remain open before you walk away for any extended period of time. That frees more RAM for the housekeeping programs, allowing them to finish sooner and without having to steal RAM from other programs. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?" The student said, "Every word of it." "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Poe. However,.... since it would be rather tedious to re-write all the books, that claim that you have died already," the professor said, as he pulled one of the swords from the coat of arms up on the wall, "....it will be easier to make a quick correction to your state of aliveness."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drill Drainage Holes In Your Trash Can Make washing out your trash can a breeze: drill several 1/2 inch holes in the bottom. The holes will allow you to hose down the insides without having to dump out the water, and also prevent rainwater from collecting. Source: Martha Stewart Living, August 2004 By cailifouhnofthemist from Williams Lake, BC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ No need to go out and buy an expensive 1/2" bit and drill, that can handle a big bit like that. Just drill a bunch of small holes at the lowest area, and then attach some galvanized mosquito mesh with small, self-tapping screws and washers. Otherwise you might get mobbed by a Million fruit flies the next time you open the lid. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
His wife had been killed in an accident the day before and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. Finnegan nodded. "What did she say ?" "Well, she spoke without interruption for about forty years," Finnegan said, "but I didn't put a battery into my hearing aid till just this morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the Church, An elderly gentleman said to him: "Reverend, that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to, it was terrible". While the Minister remained speechless, the gentleman's wife wanting to be helpful said, "Reverend, please don't listen to him, he slept through most of it and is only repeating what he hears other people saying."

» Gills Galore






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No rush with a substitute for Skype! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 14

Thanks David!

Relax about a Skype replacement. eBay did not mess it up,
when they bought it, and quite possibly, Microsoft too will
just sell it at a huge loss in a few years.

More about it in the Tech Support Pits

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. --- Will Rogers
One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:30!."
. Click through the picture to the large version. Bad-hair-Day-down-below-L
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Council in York, England York council forbids cross on cab dash The order came after a teenage passenger told teachers about the blue glass crucifix. The driver had no idea it was a problem until council bosses emailed his taxi company after a complaint from the school. The man, who asked not to be named, said: ‘I took the cross off after we received the complaint because I didn’t want our taxi company to lose the contract we had with the council (Welfare) and I was worried about my living. ‘The point of view was taken from the child without anybody taking the time to contact me and get my opinion on it. ‘I was very angry about it – I was incredulous.’ The 61-year-old Frenchman, who has lived in Britain for 30 years and regularly goes to church, had displayed the 5cm (2in) Roman Catholic cross in his car for 18 months without any previous problems. But he said being known for picking up teenagers with a "phallic symbol" in his car reflected badly on him. A meeting has now been arranged with York city council, including the staff member who wrote the email, for Tuesday. Clair Cook, the 29-year-old director of the cab company, AnD Taxis in York, said: ‘If the cross had been dangling that could have been different because it may have been obstructing his vision but there was nothing wrong with that crucifix.’ This is York, England, not Afghanistan. The article didn't say whether the council members were all muslims, or just used to getting pushed around by them.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Suitable Skype Substitute? Dear Webby, Thank you once again for you daily humor letter - I really appreciate the laughs, pictures and tech section On the subject of Skype and its imminent conversion to 'Microsoft improved' I have been looking around for a replacement for it and wondered if you knew anything (either through experience or reports from others) about one I found called "Tango" which claims to offer free audio and/or video calls in the same way as Skype. Failing that, do you have any replacement that you would recommend? Glad to see that you are still going strong after your mishap, and glad to see that you have joined me in the quitting smoking arena - only been just over 6 weeks for me but it does seem to be getting easier now. Wishing you well and praying for you, David Dear David 6 weeks is a good milestone! Keep it up! I have not tried Tango. There is no panic. Skype again retained control, just like when they sold themselves to eBay for 4 Billion. ebay found out that the $1.8 Million they made on the calls to land lines and cell phones did not justify 4 Billion dollars, and since the Skype people only gave them interface buttons, but not the source code, they sold it for a song. Now Microsoft got stampeded into believing that Google was about to buy Skype, and they started bidding quite hysterically. Google has Google Chat, which works quite well, just has not been promoted yet. They are not interested in buying Skype, but were probably drinking beer with the guys from Skype and laughing their butts off, when Microsoft bid against itself and ran the price up to $8.5 Billion. Dear Webby, Thank you once again for you daily humor letter - I really appreciate the laughs, pictures and tech section On the subject of Skype and its imminent conversion to 'Microsoft improved' I have been looking around for a replacement for it and wondered if you knew anything (either through experience or reports from others) about one I found called "Tango" which claims to offer free audio and/or video calls in the same way as Skype. Failing that, do you have any replacement that you would recommend? Glad to see that you are still going strong after your mishap, and glad to see that you have joined me in the quitting smoking arena - only been just over 6 weeks for me but it does seem to be getting easier now. Wishing you well and praying for you, So, relax and don't panic. Don't be surprised if Microsoft sells Skype in a few years at a huge loss, just like eBay did. If they don't, by the time they mess it up, the competition will be ready and by then one of them will be noticeably better than the rest, or promoted better. It could be the Israeli ICQ, that beat out PowWow without being half as good. They kno how to swing the people! It could be Cisco, or Citrix, or Google Chat, or the Tango, that you mentioned. It is not just software quality, as we saw with ICQ, but promotion is equally imortant. The best chat is no good, if you are the only one using it. We'll see in a couple of years. In the meantime, relax. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test, and $64 change.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cloth Napkins Instead Of Paper Our family of four includes two children who can get very messy during mealtime. Instead of having them use cheap one-ply napkins that fall apart the minute you try to wipe your hands with them, I decided to use cloth napkins. The napkins can usually be purchased for $0.50 to a $1.00 each depending on where you buy them. I once purchased a clearance priced set of 4 from Target for a $1.00. I made sure to purchase enough for when we have family over. You can also make your own from old cotton t-shirts but keep in mind the type of fabric you use will determine the amount of absorbency. I would strongly recommend you refrain from decorating the homemade napkins with glitter or puff paint as that might defeat their purpose. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Letter from a redneck aunt Dear Billy Joe Bob, I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the trailer numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. We still have the same phone number though, because I brought our old phone along. When you get out of jail, just call us and we will come pick you up. This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and eventually drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days and the the crematorium blew up. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. I was going to put twenty bucks for you into this letter, but I had already sealed it. I'll send them next time. Your Favorite Aunt Edna-Sue

» World's largest cave






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FireFox 4 not ready for you? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, May 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! 

FireFox 4 is not quite the success story, that some magazines
claim it is. Sure, it is faster than any other browser, and
scores really well in comparison tests. In some ways, it
reminds me of a Ferrari I once rented. Briefly.
Sure it was fast, but the ride comfort was worse than 
on an Amish buggy, and it was extremely noisy inside.

FF4 works well, but a lot of the add-ons have not been
checked and approved yet. Same story as with XP-SP3,
that was released, before all drivers for it were available.

If you use a lot of the neat add-ons to make the ride more
comfortable and have the world customized the way you like 
it, then you might want to wait with upgrading until version
4.2 or 4.3. 

If you don't care about the add-ons and just want raw speed,
to get the most out of your slow dial-up, then go for Firefox 
version 4.1 now. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Friday, the 13th ? Watch out! It's bad luck to be superstitious! --- Socratex "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert A. Heinlein
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school and the principal said, "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary." The caller said, "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that Little Johnny Johnson won't be able to come to school all next week." "What seems to be the problem with him?" asked the principal. The caller said, "We are all going on a family vacation. I sure hope there is not a problem with that." "I guess that would be fine," said the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" The caller said, "Sure. This is my father."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: . Click through the picture to the large version. Serengeti sunset, Tanzania
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raymond Roberge,65 in Bridgeport, Conn Calls 911 Requesting Emergency Beer Run Robert Roberge is a 65-year-old man from Bridgeport, Connecticut. His hobbies include pounding brewskies, being lonely, and calling 911 whenever he needs something. He's called the emergency number 79 times this year. Each proved to be a false alarm. And each time the cops have warned him to stop calling over goofy shit. For example, he once called offering police and medics $20 and some loose change if they'd stay at his house and hang out with him. He was back at it again on Sunday, when he called 911 three times. This time, an ambulance and firefighters arrived to find a different kind of emergency. It seems Roberge was in need of some beer. He was hoping responders would carry out this important mission on his behalf by fetching some from the store, even tough it was Sunday and beer sales are not allowed on Sunday in Connecticut.. Alas, after his 79th call to 911, it seems officials finally lost their patience. Roberge was charged with misuse of the emergency system and put into the slammer. While looking for a mug shot, I came across this re-translation. Seems somebody had translated the story into a foreign languiage, and somebody else translated it back. http://www.bestcactus.com/raymond-rober ... -for-beer/ Police in Bridgeport, Connecticut, inactive a 65-year-old Black who they said titled 911 at small threesome nowadays on Sun because he was discover of beer. Raymond Roberge was inactive and live with misusing the 911 system. Police said Roberge, who has a usage of occupation the crisis sort for confused reasons, titled 911 individual nowadays on Mother’s Day, and when officers arrived at his home, he offered them money to go to the accumulation to acquire him beer. According to personnel records, since the first of this year, Roberge dialed to crisis sort 79 times. They said he erst titled 911 and when the officers arrived, he offered them $ 20 to set with him. He was free from slammer after bill a $ 500 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Melissa Re: FF4 not ready for the Big Time? Dear Webby, I like the extra speed of FireFox 4, but the rest of it is not ready for a spoiled brat like me. How do I get back to FireFox 3.6 without losing all my settings? Melissa Dear Melissa Get FF3.6 here: Simply install it over top of 4.x Don't be in a rush about it and read the questions during the installation. For examle, select "Upgrade", not "Replacement" Upgragde keeps your settings and bookmarks and history, even your open tabs. Replacement is for when your settings are too haywire and you want to go back to a clean default. All the weird and wicked add-ons that you used to use with 3.6 before, will fall in place again and work, as if you had never flirted with version 4. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents' ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see! One of the chickens is in bloom!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cloth Napkins Instead Of Paper Our family of four includes two children who can get very messy during mealtime. Instead of having them use cheap one-ply napkins that fall apart the minute you try to wipe your hands with them, I decided to use cloth napkins. The napkins can usually be purchased for $0.50 to a $1.00 each depending on where you buy them. I once purchased a clearance priced set of 4 from Target for a $1.00. I made sure to purchase enough for when we have family over. You can also make your own from old cotton t-shirts but keep in mind the type of fabric you use will determine the amount of absorbency. I would strongly recommend you refrain from decorating the homemade napkins with glitter or puff paint as that might defeat their purpose. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I bought a stack of 8" x 8" micro-fiber cloths in the mid 90's. They can absorb 8 oz (1 glass) of water, each. Yes, amazing stuff! They also work fine for getting spaghetti sauce out of carpets. The only problem with that is that you wind up with a spot that is a lot cleaner than the rest of the carpet. I use them not only for napkins but also for face-cloth, pre-towel drop absorber, (-yes, one of them catches all the drops and wetness on me after a shower, and the big towel is just for invigorating the skin-), dish rag, for cleaning chrome and porcellain, and so on. As long as you keep them out of the dryer and dry them on a line, they seem to last forever. Micro-fiber is not the cheapest per square inch, but sure seems to be the most cost-effective. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The census taker knocked on an old lady's door. He asked her several questions and she answered all of them except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked stubbornly. "Certainly," the census taker replied. Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are." So, the census taker intoned as he wrote on the form, "As old as the Hills."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest person in the world." And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way. I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother."

» Happy Trails






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What changes do we have to expect with Skype? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 12

Some dodos still don't realize, that dumb auto responders just
prove, that they are a stupid and inconsiderate nuisance, 
stuck on pre-1995 drivel. Yes, once upon a time, especially
amongst AOLers, they were fashionable. 
Times have changed! 
Dumb auto-responders went out of style in the mid 90's. 
Toss out your pre 95 drivel and get with it! 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. --- Peter Drucker 'If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.' --- Mark Twain
Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's snickering voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn?"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Sara works, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat nuts. Imagine Sara's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'nuts'?"
Thanks to Eloise from http://eloises.ca for this picture. Eloise specializes on gluten free baking and provides gluten free mixes for breads, muffins, cakes and desserts. Good stuff for everybody, and live saver for some. . Click through the picture to the large version. Bouganvilla
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dodi Wasbotton, 51 in Fontana, California Granny Robber got caught FONTANA, Calif. - A crime analyst who put together a flyer for the "Granny Bandit" wanted in a series of armed robberies outside department stores helped police arrest the woman Wednesday after she spotted the suspect during her lunch break, police said. Dodi Wasbotten, 51, was taken into custody hours after a woman with a child reported being held up outside a Target store by a woman who was wearing a muumuu and covered her face with a scarf. After grabbing the victim's purse, she took off in a dark sedan with missing front hubcaps. A woman matching the suspect's description was involved in three other stickups in the San Bernardino County city of Fontana since Sunday. Women shoppers described being robbed in store parking lots by a gun-toting, middle-aged or elderly woman who covered her face. They described her as being between 50 and 80 years old. Green said Wasbotten, a grandmother of one, has a history of drug and alcohol use. He said she has been arrested by police before, but declined to release details of her criminal history.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allen Re: What changes do we have to expect with Skype? Dear Webby, What changes do we have to expect with Skype? I imagine security and reliability will drop as it gets adapted to interface with all the Microsoft stuff. What else do we have to expect? Allen Dear Allen I don't think the Skype software will be changed. That is pretty basic stuff. They will just give Microsoft the tools to link into it, much like PayPal gives you the tools to build "Buy Now" buttons, that you can put onto your pages to link into their system. Your buttons don't mess with their system, they just link into it and use it. The changes to expect are slightly higher rates for calling land line and cell phone numbers and considerably higher rates for calling Internet connected devices. That expected increase in rates will make it easy for others to compete. The technology is simple and old. The big deal is the contracts with telephone companies. Have FUN DearWebby
Magic trick: The Revelation Effect - Mentalism and Mind Reading! The Revelation Effect is the #1 Mentalism and Mind Reading Trick that you can do Anywhere, Anytime to Anyone. 100% effective mind reading! Not intended for serious interrogation, but for entertainment. Quickly become an effective magician and awe your audience! Get the Revelation Effect!

In the cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Awww!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Removable Inserts In Birdbath One day it occurred to me that if I got large serving dishes or platters etc., I could put them inside of the bath portion of my bird baths. When it comes time to clean them, it's a snap to just pour out the water, lift out the platter and just wash it up! For the most part, I have found cute and colorful large dishes to place inside my bird baths. In the instance of my largest bird bath, I put the lightweight bird bath dish that I use in the winter inside the cement bird bath. Since it is extremely lightweight, cleaning is a snap! I also put a colorful smaller bowl in the center and some of the smaller birds like to land on that for their drink or bathing! By Jeanasina http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.'" "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a man drove his secretary to her mother's place after her mother had slipped and fallen down the stairs. Although nothing was broken, the mother was hurting and in shock and needed some help and assistance. Although this was a totally proper and formal trip, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high heel shoe half hidden between the seats. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the window. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

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Is Firefox 4 Upgrade traumatic? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, May 11

Big panic out there about Microsoft agreeing to buy Skype for
an outrageous amount of money, just to keep it out of Google's hands.
Ho, hum. Papers, even The Enemy Times are calling Skype a
"technological pioneer". Hogwash!

Skype is a stripped down version of PowWow, that we used in the 
early and mid 90's, before ICQ came out of Israel and killed it.
We had video chat, naturally due to the slow dial-up speeds
in those days, the video was a bit smaller and coarser, but 
PowWow had simultaneous video + voice + text + file transfer,
and stuff that is still far in Skype's future, like 300 hot-key
macros. 

For example, I had the instructions for setting up and using
FTP in a macro activated by CTRL F7. No need to type that
again, every time a new client needed to know how to get files
uploaded. Just CTRL F7, and the instructions were pasted.

Some people saved all kinds of stuff in macros, and I remember
one lady, who accidentally hit a key combo, that pasted
a lengthy cybersex text, including orgasm, into her outgoing
text window. OOOPS!  

Another feature that really helped making the Internet popular
was the "PowWow Cruise". You could have a nice, big conference
or think tank going, and invite everybody to a "cruise". 
Everybody who clicked OK to the invitation, had their browser
hitched to yours, and wherever you went, their browsers did too.
On slow cruising you stayed a while on sites that you visited and
discussed the content, on fast cruising you just stayed long enough
for everybody to bookmark the sites, and flew on to the next one.

Technically Skype is not a big deal. Where it IS a big deal is
the contracts it has with many thousands of telephone companies,
allowing Skype users to call their clients land lines and cell phones
for a penny a minute.  

What will happen with Skype now?
Microsoft will embed it in everything they got. 
They won't mess with it, but everything from Ho'mail to Lynq will
get a Skype button.

And what will Google do? Google has Google Chat, and will
probably dress it up a bit, since it can be expected, that a
lot of people will be looking for an alternative to Micro-Skype.

If you haven't got a gmail address yet, better get one soon.
Half decent names are getting mighty scarce!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. --- E. V. Lucas Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. --- George Burns Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson
Sign in a restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD SEE THE MANAGER. Scribbled underneath: He's even worse!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only six of those kids are mine!"
Thanks to Eloise from http://eloises.ca for this picture. Eloise specializes on gluten free baking and provides gluten free mixes for breads, muffins, cakes and desserts. Good stuff for everybody, and live saver for some. . Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Price, 61, in Okeechobee, Florida Lack of bag foils bank robber OKEECHOBEE, Fla., May 10 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a would-be bank robber failed in his attempt because he did not bring his own money bag to the heist. The Okeechobee County Sheriff's Office said Joseph Price, 61, handed a note to a teller at the PNC Bank in Okeechobee shortly after 2:30 p.m. Friday demanding a sack full of cash, TCPalm.com reported Tuesday. However, Price left empty-handed after the teller told him she did not have a bag, investigators said. The sheriff's office said Price left the scene on a bicycle and was apprehended within 7 minutes. "This man was apprehended very quickly," Sheriff Paul May said. "A good description was given by bank personnel, [the lieutenant] was in the right place and the suspect is in jail, which is the right place for him." Price was taken to the Okeechobee County Jail on a charge of attempted bank robbery. He was ordered held without bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: FireFox 4 Dear Webby, I do like FireFox, but heard from a number of people, that the step to FireFox 4 is rather traumatic. Is that true? Frank Dear Frank It definitely IS a major step, like switching from a gasoline vehicle to one with a Diesel engine, but I would not call it traumatic. FireFox 4 brings over your open tabs, bookmarks, and history. Where it gets rough is the security settings. By default they are set rather tight and you have to loosen them a bit. There are also a bunch of the add-ons and extensions, that are not approved for version 4 yet, and won't be automatically installed. For most of those add-ons, there ARE approved alternatives available, and it's not really a big deal to install them. For example, "Instant Fox" is the new "Search from the address bar" add-on. "Colorful Tabs" is another one of my "Must Have" add-ons. They all install painlessly within seconds Don't let them scare you about the change. FireFox version 4 is considerably faster, and the minor changes of the menu are easy to get used to. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% LEGAL and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Father's Day gift, that will actually get used!

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out his savings before all the relatives showed up?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Emptied Cabinets When Moving We are in the process of moving and I came up with this nifty idea. I put a strip of masking tape across each cabinet door and drawer in the kitchen (and bathrooms) as I empty and clean it to save time later. That way nothing can be put back in there and I won't have to double check it on last day of moving. I'm also doing this on doors to closets. By darlenedawn from Brownsburg, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $100." One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?" "Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it." Abe says, "What are you, crazy?" Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it." With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with a big grin on his face. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your hundred dollars?" Murray looks up at him and says, "Is money all that you jews ever think of? I bet you want to borrow it now!"

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Bin Laden Trojan 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, May 10

Sorry about using two Ts in Scotland!
Two alert Scots noticed.

As expected, a whole bunch of English people got right 
hysterical and insisted on pointing out that just winning the
election does not mean separation and independence.

Don't worry. That is what I had written. The Scots won't 
deprive themselves of their favorite sport, telling jokes about
the English and annoying them just a wee tad more than
wot the Irish do. However, for a mere 110% of the money
from the North Sea oil and gas, they will back off and 
postpone the separation referendum.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man...only five hundred. --- Meredith Willson
As a new bride, Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it. For fifty years Jack left the box alone, until Edna was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to Edna and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you." Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice. "What's the $82,500 for?" he asked. "Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $37 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Old Andrzej was a minister in a small Polish town. He had always been a good man and lived by the Bible. One day God decided to reward him, with the answer to any three questions Andrzej would like to ask. Old Andrzej did not need much time to consider, and the first question was: "Will there ever be married Catholic priests?" God promptly replied: "Not in your life-time." Andrzej thought for a while, and then came up with the second question: "what about female priests then, will we have that one day?" Again God had to disappoint Old Andrzej: "Not in your life-time, I'm afraid." Andrzej was sorry to hear that, and he decided to drop the subject. After having though for a while, he asked the last question: "Will there ever be another Polish pope?" God answered quickly and with a firm voice, "Not in My life time."
Click through the picture to the large version. I wish!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carth Henry Hunt Jr., 56 in Spotsylvania, VA Alibi is unbearable A man's attempt to blame his fresh wounds on a bear didn't save him from a burglary charge Thursday night. Spotsylvania sheriff's Lt. Col. Michael Timm said Deputy Patricia Purcell went to The Little Academy in the 4700 block of Plank Road shortly before 10 p.m. in response to an alarm activation. She immediately noticed a broken door and saw a man walking toward her from the rear of the business and eating a banana. Purcell asked the man if he knew what had happened, and he motioned toward the front of the building, where a glass door had been smashed. Asked about a bleeding cut on his forehead, Timm said the man explained that he lives in the woods near State Routes 3 and 20 and was chased by a bear two days ago. Suspicious of the man's bear story and his level of intoxication, Purcell detained him for further questioning. Detectives found glass shards in the mud on the bottom of the man's boots, and a police dog tracked a scent from inside the business to where Purcell had seen the man walking, Timm said. Along the track police found a banana peel and rocks that matched rocks found near the broken glass. The business owners arrived and told police two laptop computers were missing. The man later said that they might want to look on the roof because "if I took them, that's where I would hide them." The computers weren't found, but 56-year-old Carth Henry Hunt Jr. was charged with burglary, grand larceny, vandalism and public intoxication. He was placed in the Rappahannock Regional Jail under no bond. While searching for a mug shot, I notied quite a lenthy rap sheet. Carth Henry Hunt Jr. has done time for burglary a few times before.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Osama Bin Laden trojan via facebook Dear Webby, I heard that a really wicked trojan is getting spread via Facebook, but my son told me that is just moron-tax, and somebody would have to be extremely dumb to fall for that. What is the real story? Ellen Dear Ellen I would agree with your son. Especially if you don't have good protection on your computer, don't click on anything suspicious. Links to items about popular topics involving Obama, Osama, and other disreputable characters are best left untouched, especially when they are from somebody you don't know. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% LEGAL and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Father's Day gift, that will actually get used!

The other day I observed a rather funny scene at the golf course across the river. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new looking set of golf clubs into the river. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the river, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Mess Frozen Rolls Find a good dinner roll recipe that states it will freeze well. Cut the rolls and place one dinner's amount inside a wax paper pocket and insert into a freezer zipper bag. Tomorrow, this weekend, next week, you just pull out one of the bundles to thaw. You don't have a big frozen blob of dough to fight with and you don't handle all the rolls by trying to pull apart just enough for tonight. By Kelli from Sentani, Indonesia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' He sat up all night watching me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, ...."I guess you'd be eating alone.... None of US can swim THAT far out into the ocean!"

» China, not just Pandas






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Lies? 


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Scottland's Independence party won, is separation imminent? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 9

Did anybody notice, that the SNP, the Independence Party in 
Scottland, won by a land slide?
Huh ?
Scottland ?
Yes, Scottland. 
While everybody was busy with the royal wedding, and White House 
forgeries and Bin Laden, Scottland had an election.

I wouldn't panic yet about Scottland separating and rebuilding 
Hadrian's Wall. Mainly they just want to keep 100 % of
the money from the North Sea Oil, be in charge of their
taxes, especially corporate taxes, and fisheries rules and
regulation, of course. 

The plan is to stay in the monarchy and keep the queen,
and let England take care of defense, plus medical and welfare, 
of course. Eventually they want to be an equal partner to 
Britain in the EU, but until they can recruit or train enough
multilingual people for ambassador jobs, they plan to let
England take care of foreign politics.

The whole thing sounds like a spoof, but they are dead serious!
And they won the election! 

Actually, the SNP won mainly because people were fed up with 
the left wing parties, so they stomped over to the redneck 
right-wing SNP. 

According to the polls, only aboot 25% of the Scotts would
actually get serious aboot considering a separation. 

However, 100% of them definitely want to rattle the Limey's
chains and use the threat of separation as a bargaining tool
for trying to get the North Sea oil and gas money. 
That is BIG money, and the Scotts are dead serious aboot it.

You won't read about it in the Enemy Times or other left wing
media for a while yet, but you can read up on it here at the
Guardian.co.uk:
http://snipurl.com/scottishindependence

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport
Rev Ted's rousing sermons became a lot more peaceful after his wife switched his Viagra with Nyquil and Prozak
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties and company picnics. Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him wasn't working, so he used a different tactic. Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make a fool of myself - what's your excuse?"
Click through the picture to the large version. From dad, this morning's breakfast.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Poors, 25, in Bangor, Maine Bangor woman busted for stealing scented toilet paper holders BANGOR, Maine — A Bangor woman was arrested about noon Tuesday on charges of violating the conditions of her release from a prior arrest, unlawful possession of scheduled drugs and theft after she allegedly attempted to steal two scented toilet paper holders from a Family Dollar store. After her arrest, Jennifer Poors, 25, was taken to Penobscot County Jail, where she remained Tuesday night, Bangor police Sgt. Larry Weber said, citing an arrest report. According to the report, Poors attempted to shoplift the items by removing them from their packaging and concealing them in a sweatshirt pocket. The report indicated that the roll holders were valued at about $1, Weber said. Poors, the report said, was out on bail from an arrest in Hancock County, where she was charged in connection with the theft of drugs from her mother, Weber said. He said that at the time of her arrest Tuesday, she was in possession of six 20 milligram dicyclomine pills. Dicyclomine is used to treat the symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome by relieving muscle spasms in the gastrointestinal tract. It is not a narcotic, Stealing a pair of toilet paper holdrs, worth under a dollar, while on condiional release and carrying drugs, is definitely a boneheaded idea.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Osama Bin Laden viruses Dear Webby, what's the story about these Bin Laden viruses, that the FBI aparently warned about? Dianne Dear Dianne Nothing new, really. Scams and spams, claiming to have pictures of a dead Bin Laden, have been floating around the net for years. All the better Anti-Virus programs instantly recognize them and block or dump them. The only recent change is the gullibility index of the users, and the scammers focusing on popular topics. Naturally, common sense also helps. Always have the status bar reveal the underlying links of anything that you might click on. If a thumbnail links to a program instead of a picture or movie, get outa there! Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good! Ideal last minute OR LATE Mother's Day Gift!

A housewife with four young daughters was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her next older sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here, but those girls think the phone goes one way only!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warming Lamp for Cats Here in the Pacific Northwest, we have a lot of days with no sunshine. My cat loves to find a sunny spot and sleep. He looked so bored the other day that I put a kitty bed on my desk and swung the free arm desk lamp, which has a 75 watt bulb in it over the kitty bed. I set the lamp about two to three feet above the bed. Now every morning that the sun isn't out, he heads to the desk for his nap. The bulb produces enough warmth that he thinks he is sleeping in the sun, and he is much happier. By lizzyanny from Pacific Northwest http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep, who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore weird and unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd figure it was my sister's date."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that now the customer is always wrong."

» Costly Homes in US






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IE9 versus FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 8

Happy Mother's Day !



Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. --- Putt's Law Efficiency is getting the job done right. Effectiveness is getting the right job done. --- Socratex "Talent is a gift, but character is a choice." --- John C. Maxwell
Thanks to Judy for this one: Had to send you this true story: My niece has 4 kids and was breast feeding the baby when #3 child, Jack wanted to climb up into her lap. During the process he was using his elbows to push his way up and hit her other breast so she said: 'watch the elbows Jack'. When Grandmother came over later, Jack climbed up into her lap, patted her rather ample bosom and said 'I like your elbows, Grandma'. Needless to say, they will always be elbows to us from now on! Thanks for all the fun you send, Judy
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on an elderly man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, 55 at the most."
Click through the picture to the large version. Happy Mother's Day !
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Augustus Jones Jr., 22 from Gainesville, Florida Forgetful pot dealer leaps through cop-car window A Gainesville man was arrested on charges of drug possession and resisting arrest after police say they found a bag of marijuana on him and that while taking him to jail he leapt from an open window of the patrol car. Gainesville Police Department officers said they found Daniel Augustus Jones Jr., 22, of 1239 SE 19th Terrace, standing in the middle of the intersection of Southeast 19th Street and 12th Avenue at about 4:30 p.m. on Wednesday, apparently wodering whether he was coming or going. The officers said Jones was visibly shaking and smelled of marijuana and that he refused their commands to stop when he began walking away from them. Officer Tony Ferro said Jones spontaneously told him, “I don't have any drugs on me,” and started to empty his backpack onto the street. Among the contents, officers said they spotted a plastic bag filled with about a quarter-pound of marijuana. As Ferro and Officer Anton Lipski tried to arrest Jones, they said he began fighting with them and was pepper sprayed before being put in the back of Ferro's patrol car. Jones asked to have the window rolled down so that he could get air. “I feared (Jones) would kick my patrol car window out, and I rolled the window down,” Ferro wrote in the arrest report. While the car was in motion and Jones was still handcuffed, he “dove out of the rear side window,” Jones wrote. Ferro said Jones had to be shot with a Taser stun gun because he continued to fight with officers after being tackled while handcuffed. Jones was taken to Shands at the University of Florida in handcuffs and shackles to be treated for cuts and bruises before being booked into the jail. Officers Ferro and Lipski also received minor cuts and scrapes. In addition to the marijuana, officers reported finding $172 and a digital scale in Jones' possession. While being questioned after his arrest, Jones told Ferro he “forgot he had the bag of weed.” Jones was charged with possession with intent to sell marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and resisting arrest with and without violence. Jones has served two state prison terms and was most recently released on Dec. 13, 2010. His sentences had been for convictions of burglary, trafficking in stolen property and dealing dugs within 1,000 feet of a school or day care.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Lori Re: Firefox vs IE9 Dear Webby, I currently have both Firefox 4 and ie 9 on my computer. I only use firefox 4, but several well-meaning idiots, I mean friends, insist I should be using ie 9. They claim it is better, faster, and more safe than firefox. When I have compared them on my computer using my internet connection (a faster type of dial-up, 54 mbps as of right now) firefox works faster and cleaner. What is your opinion? I am going to keep using firefox, but an unbiased opinion would be helpful. Lori PS I love your site and am glad you are feeling better. For walking, I wear a pair of knock-off tone up shoes. They have really helped my ankles. Just start slow when you start wearing them and work up to wearing them more. Dear Lori Your friends sound like a bunch of Yugo drivers, trying to pull you down to their level and limit you to their speed. Don't worry about it. Some of them may grow up yet. Since I don't need IE for anything, I still have IE6 on my machine. That one is reasonably stable, if ever the occasion arises to use IE. Normally, if a site demands that I use any certain browser, I go to a better site, that is up to standard. What are "knock-off tone up shoes"? Have you got a picture? Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good! Ideal last minute Mother's Day Gift!

The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of martial harmony. He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 300 yard down the middle of the fairway. When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine." She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods off to th left side. Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green. Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is knock it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off the green and into a sand trap. The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there. Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's ok. I think we can do better on the next hole." She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *FIVE* shots were mine!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Disposable Vacuum Bags I have an expensive vacuum cleaner that takes expensive bags. To save on buying new bags for my vacuum, I simply cut the bottom off the bag, empty it, and duct tape the bottom shut. Voila! I have a recycled vacuum cleaner bag. By Dee from Salem, VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife requests the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jean is a very nervous flyer. During a trip with United lately it didn't help that her connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after they were aloft, Jean noticed the lights began flickering. She mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," the elderly stewardess said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't sayanything about the engines."

» Lily Factor






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Camera Chip compatibility 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, May 7

Costco seems to be changing from a wholesale supplier to
businesses to family entertainment. I went there this evening 
to get a month's worth of prescription medicines, and was
really surprised at the amount of families shopping. I am 
talking about full families, from gramma to baby in a stroller!

The wide isles and huge shopping carts, originally intended
for harried restaurant owners stocking up for a week or
month, are just perfect for families casually strolling along 
from sample station to sample station, enjoying the treats,
and piling supplies onto the cart.

I also saw quite a few families that had a laptop or netbook 
along, and it was not mom or dad using it, but one of the kids,
calling out the next item needed, and also entering what
went onto the cart and announcing the total cost after each 
item was added. 

Thanks to the cathedral height noise swallowing ceiling, all of
that activity did not cause a mall style racket. The absence
of teen hordes naturally helped, but also the fact that 
people talked in hushed voices, as if they were in a church.

I only had very few items, and had to laugh at the notion of
looking for an Express lane. That is definitely NOT in their 
concept. One simply looks for the shortest line and joins it.

They have two or three people working each register, and
it actually goes quite fast. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. --- Tom Robbins Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Mike was explaining to Judy about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and said, "Oh my God, did you get out??"
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to connect the phone."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to three burglars in Clay, NY Cellphone 'pocket dials' 911 CLAY, N.Y. (AP) - An ill-timed, inadvertent 911 call led police to three larceny suspects overheard planning break-ins in upstate New York. Onondaga County Sheriff Kevin Walsh says police already looking for a suspicious person got the unlikely assist when one of the men "pocket dialed" his cellphone's emergency number while driving near the scene of an earlier heist. As a dispatcher relayed the conversation to deputies, the men discussed their plans, described their surroundings and even commented, "there go the cops now." Walsh says that was enough for a deputy to turn around and stop the Kia Sportage full of tools stolen from a business in the Syracuse suburb of Clay. The dispatcher then heard the driver being asked for his license and registration. The men arrested April 26 face grand larceny and stolen property charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Charles Re: Camera Chips for W7 Dear Webby, Windows 7 can handle camera chips larger than 2 GB with no problem. You will be surprised at what you can do, once you join the slow crowd! Charles Dear Charles XP can handle 4 and 8 GB chips too, but a lot of older chip readers and cameras have problems with those. So that you don't have to worry about compatibility when you travel or visit anybody, I usually recommend 2 GB chips. If you NEED bigger chips for recording movies, just make sure your chip reader can handle the chips that are bigger than 2 GB. Sometimes you just need a new driver, but you may have to get a new chip reader. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair and made love to an 18-year-old girl. The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "Then why are you telling me?" "I'm telling everybody...."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Meat Thermometer For Paper Spike Recently, I inherited the task of organizing and cleaning the home of a lady who never threw anything out. I found a broken meat thermometer in the drawer and was going to toss it. Then, I thought, "Hmmm what could I do with that?" It hit me that it looked like an simple version of a paper spike from office desks of long ago. So, that is what it is now. My sample is just a post it, but you get the idea. I hope this helps to keep your paperwork straight and the landfill one less meat thermometer full. By Poor But Proud from Coos Bay, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Old Ms Molly tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe in the rain and snow all the time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening. First and definitely last time I take HER out!" Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit', 'Stop', and 'Don't!....'"

» Rolling






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What size camera memory chip is ideal? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, May 6
Time to  wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Not smoking any more is slowly getting a bit easier. 
I am actually at the point, where it annoys me, when somebody 
borrows my car and leaves butts in the ash tray.
Three months ago I would not even have noticed that.

Today's walk was a bit rushed. I tried to get to the store 
and post office before they closed, but people with urgent 
concerns kept me on Skype. Somehow people seem to sense
that. Just like in the old days, when I could afford to go
on a holiday, the last few days before the trip people,
whom I had not heard from for a year, would pop out of the 
woodwork with all kinds of super-urgent projects, that could
not wait even a day.

Those are always good people, and they are not trying to be
obnoxious. It is more like some Intergalactic Stress Fairy
wakes them up and dispatches them to wherever they can
cause the most stress. 

Have you ever noticed that? Or am I the only one used as
a stress target by the Stress Fairy?

Well, I didn't get uptight, but I DID walk considerably faster
than I normally do. Part way to the post office I realized 
that my old hiking boots would be a lot better suited for 
careful and deliberate walking on rough terrain and for
toe-tip climbing, than for trotting down a paved sidewalk.
The boots were definitely slapping the pavement instead 
of quietly rolling. 

Are there any footwear experts out there?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Searching for lost relatives? . . . Announce you have won the Lottery! They'll show up. --- Socratex There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that the older generation didn't outgrow. --- Socratex We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. --- Omar Bradley
Thanks to Ross for this: A new way to avoid any .08 alcohol issues while driving: I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven a bus before.
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and ..... --but why do you ask? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many "spigots" to put on it
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Echinopsus Aurora (provisional) This is an experimental hybrid. The original plant blooms white. The plant you see here is a daughter of the first hybrid (cross) and so far it retains the morning-glow color, that it's mother showed. If it remains true for five generations, then it will be considered a true Hybrid and the provisional name will become it's proper name.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Williams, 23, in Surprise, Arizona Man’s question to officer leads to arrest A man on a scooter asked an officer a question that led to his arrest, Surprise police said. Surprise man David Williams, 23, rode up to an officer around 7 a.m. last week in front if a convenience store in the area of Ocotillo and Greasewood streets, police spokesman Mark Ortega said. Williams reportedly asked if the officer had ever arrested him before. The officer told Williams that he did not think he had arrested him but ran his name through communications to check, Ortega said. The officer was notified that Williams had a valid warrant for his arrest out of Pine Top on suspicion of assault with a weapon, Ortega said. Williams was then arrested.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Aaron Re: What size camera memory chip Dear Webby, 256 MB flash memory chips I have for my camera are not big enough for even half a day at any nice scenic spot. Would you recommend buying 2 GB memory chips, or 4GB or even bigger chips? Aaron Dear Aaron Stick to 2 GB chips. Some cameras and some chip readers and some laptops don't like anything over 2 GB. 2 GB chips are cheap, and may save you a lot of frustration at some scenic spot, far away from a store. Always check your camera chips well before any trip, preferably the day you buy them, just in case you have to return them. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Braid Bulb Leaves After Flowering It may not be pretty, but it is neater while nature stores energy in the bulbs for next year's flowers. Loosely braid the leaves of drying bulbs for easy removal after they are dried. Bulbs need to store energy through the leaves. Remove the leaves only after they are dried and easy to pull off. When they are completely dried, just pick up the braids. The clean up is much easier. By Great Granny Vi http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Old Ms Molly tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe in the rain and snow all the time!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy with the bicycle.

» Crying Shame






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When it is not safe to send mail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, May 5, 2011

Some of you received yesterday's Humor Letter in raw HTML.
Sorry about that! Well, you finally saw what all goes into the cake,
that you get, nicely kneaded and baked. 
Last night on the first send, I forgot to bake it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
" It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. " --- William Blake Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. --- Socratex
Cindy runs her own daycare business. She has two of her own kids and has about 15 kids in her daycare. One day the Cindy takes the children to the park to play, when a woman walks up and notices Cindy and her daycare kids. She asks her, "Are all these kids yours?" Cindy replies, "No, I have two of my own." The woman proceeds to ask which two are hers. Cindy laughs and says. "My kids go to the YMCA daycare center." The other woman asks in a puzzled voice, "Why are they there when you run your own daycare?" Cindy looks at her and says, "Because I can't afford what I charge."
Learn Digital Photography Now Learn How To Quickly And Easily Start Taking Awesome Photos With Any Digital Camera, Even If You Are A Complete Newbie! This course will make a bigger difference than a new camera!

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ann Marie Hernandez, 46, of Pompano Beach, Florida Credit card cheater hides card in vagina Authorities in Florida said they arrested a woman who was concealing a fraudulent credit card and a counterfeit driver's license in her vagina. The Lee County Sheriff's Office said Ann Marie Hernandez, 46, of Pompano Beach, was pulled over at about 7 p.m. Friday on Interstate 75 and deputies discovered more than $5,000 worth of items purchased with a fraudulent credit card in her car, and Hernandez was found to be concealing the fraudulent credit card along with a counterfeit driver's license in her vagina. When a female cop was called to the scene, Ann decided she was screwed, so she reached up and fished the cards out herself. She had used the cards to buy more than $5,000 worth of stuff. About half of it was in her car when she was pulled over.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Miona Re: Not safe to mail out Dear Webby, I hope you don't mind too much if I write you even though I know my computer is infected. I know you are properly protected. My computer came with what I thought was good anti virus utilities, but even though it is only a few months old and has updated the virus stuff regularly, it got infected anyway. I need to write to my dad to come and clean it up for me and install better virus protection, but I don't dare writing him from an infected computer. I can't call him at work, and at home he's always on-line and I can't call him there either. What else can I do ? Mina Dear Mina You can send him an Internet postcard. There are tons fo sites from which you can send postcards, even from my dad's site at http://dawna.com A few others, that you could check aout are: Actioncat Angeleyes Angelwinks and so on. That is just in the "a"s in the alphabet. Postcards sent with the Mypostcards system are 100% safe. Nothing from your compuer is sent, you simply visit a site, compose a card with the pictures and music available there, and send it off. And it is free. Have FUN DearWebby
Internet TV 100% legal and BEST Internet TV product on the market. Over 3500 channels for a one time fee of under $30 60 day money back guarantee! User friendly interface and absolute maximum number of TV channels! Internet TV is also a perfect Mother's Day gift, that will actually get used! I got some paper junkmail today from BELL, advertising their TV deal. Instead of a one time fee of under $30 for 3500 channels, BELL wants $35 EVERY MONTH for just 200 channels! BELL is really making Internet TV look good!

The new teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Johnny, he noticed Johnny's hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Johnny, I will not continue 'til you put your hand over your heart." Johnny replied, "It IS over my heart." After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and MY Grandma wouldn't lie."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses For Single Socks Having 5 young children it seems I am eternally ending up with "onesie" socks. I have been putting them to good use for my little ones by using them as a holder for ice pops and frozen yogurt in plastic sleeves. It protects their little hands from getting cold and sticky, as well as using up an item of clothing that I have no other use for! By Robin from Belmont, MI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Paul and his wife Lorna had moved to Arizona and were experienceing their first real heat wave. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Paul as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "They'd probably think that I married you for your money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. Whenever he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee, and I didn't feel like making another pot this close to the end of my shift."

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