Flame "virus" 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0070 Rome captures 1st wall of the city of Jerusalem 
1665 Jerusalem's rabbi Sjabtai Tswi proclaims himself Messiah
1678 Lady Godiva rides naked through Coventry in a protest of taxes
1879 1st electric railway opens at Berlin
1884 Dr John Harvey Kellogg patents "flaked cereal" 
1891 Work on trans-Siberian railway begins
1900 British troops under Lord Roberts occupy Johannesburg 
1900 US troops arrive in Peking, help put down Boxer Rebellion 
1907 Taxis 1st began running in NYC 
1912 US marines land on Cuba 
1916 British battle cruiser Invincible explodes, killing all but 6 
1935 Quake kills 50,000 in Quetta Pakistan 
1940 Prime Minister Winston Churchill flees to Paris
1941 41 U boats sunk this month (325,000 ton) 
1947 Communists grab power in Hungary 
1955 Construction begins on Soviet cosmodrome launch facilities
1961 Union of South Africa becomes a republic, leaving the Commonwealth 
1970 An earthquake in Peru left more than 50,000 dead.
1979 Zimbabwe (Rhodesia) proclaims independence
1980 Police & youthful rebels battle in Zurich
1991 Oldest bride - Minnie Munro, 102, weds Dudley Reid, 83, in Australia
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Just keep going. Everybody gets better if they keep at it. --- Ted Williams It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. --- Pierre Beaumarchais Verizon's "support" is built on that concept.
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An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out Mrs Smith is pregnant and I've been on birth control pills since February."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A frog decided to call the psychic hotline and see what his future held for him. The psychic says, "You will meet a very beautiful girl, who will want to know everything about you." "That's great !" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party, in the pond?" The psychic hesitated, then responded, "You will meet her next semester, in Biology lab!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tiffany Jacobs and Alvina Leiba, both 19 in Deltona, Florida Heavy Pizza Robbery A “wide view” Florida woman and her companion are facing felony charges after the ravenous duo allegedly hatched a harebrained plot to rob a Pizza Hut deliveryman of two large pizzas, 14 chicken wings, and an apple pie. Short on cash, Tiffany Jacobs and Alvina Leiba, both 19, concocted a plan to score the free grub, which was delivered around midnight to Leiba’s home in Deltona, according to a charging affidavit prepared by the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. In interviews with deputies, Jacobs and Leiba said they did not have enough money to pay for the Pizza Hut food, so they “planned on scaring the pizza delivery man into leaving prior to them paying.” Jacobs (Two-Ton, left) told cops that Leiba (right) gave her “all black clothing and a mask to wear,” and that she “obtained a wooden bat from the neighbor’s yard to intimidate the pizza delivery man with.” When Pizza Hut employee Brian Healy, 19, arrived at Leiba’s home, she directed him to put the food down on a table inside the doorway while she searched for extra cash (she was holding only $12). That’s when the 5’ 1”, 200-pound Jacobs, in her wanna-be ninja getup, emerged from her hiding spot and approached Healy from behind. Jacobs, who has used the alias "Shaccariana Jackson," told cops that she planned to scare the deliveryman by swinging the bat at a pole near the doorway, but “accidentally” hit him in the side and head a few times. Healy told deputies that a “large African American female” assailant struck him in the head and left arm with a baseball bat. After wrestling the bat out Jacobs’s hands, he threw it into the yard, as Jacobs fled. Remarkably, Healy then returned to the front door and “asked the original customer if she was going to pay for the food.” While Leiba claimed that she was calling police, presumably to report him for attacking her partner, Healy returned to the roadway and he actually dialed 911. Expecting cops to arrive at the residence, Jacobs and Leiba hid in some nearby woods until sunrise. The pair then returned to Leiba’s home, where they subsequently ate the Pizza Hut food. After the women were arrested and placed in a holding cell, they “laughed profusely about the situation,” according to the affidavit sworn by Deputy Kyle Walter. Leiba remarked that she “would not pay any fines assigned to her and would flee to Trinidad” and said she was “so hungry she would rob a McDonald’s with Jacobs when they got out of jail.” Jacobs told investigators that she and Leiba had “been planning on robbing a pizza delivery man for approximately one year” and had actually attempted a Pizza Hut heist several months ago. In the original attempt, Jacobs answered the door, “while Leiba was supposed to scare the delivery man.” Who happened to be Healy. However, the 5’ 3”, 120-pound Leiba failed to scare the Pizza Hut worker and “Jacobs stated that she paid for the pizza during that incident.” Asked if he had previously delivered to the Deltona residence, Healy recalled a “suspicious incident” during which “the wider individual answered the door, while the not so wide female approached him from the rear.” Healy added that he was not assaulted that time, nor did he contact police. Jacobs, charged with armed robbery and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, is being held in the Volusia County jail in lieu of $3000 bail. Leiba, facing an armed robbery count, bailed out of custody Saturday after posting $1500.
Tech Support Pits: From: sex c sass c Re: "Flame" virus Dear Webby Enjoy your newlsetter everyday and the questions that others ask. I don't always understand the questions/answers but do find them interesting. My question is abput this new virus making headlines nicknamed Flame. What do you know about it and do we have fear it over here in this part of the woods? Thanks for all you do and for making us smile! sex c sass c Dear Sex C Sass C Security firms have not been warning of any direct risk to average Internet users. Sophos' noted that "Flame" has only been discovered in a few hundred computers in Iran and thereabouts. “Certainly, it's pretty insignificant when you compare it to the 600,000 Mac computers which were infected by the Flashback malware earlier this year.” Flame can extract huge amounts of data, that takes a great amount of work to analyze. Therefore it's owners are limiting it to just a few hundred carefully targeted "high value" computers. It's not really a virus anyway. It does not seem to replicate itself and spread on it's own, but seems more a carefully targeted invasion. As long as you don't build nuclear bombs in your kitchen or engage in any terrorism or significant threat to peace, Flame won't be targeted at you. However, even if you only terrorize hubby and the dog, it is still a good idea to keep your McAfee up to date. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Placemat With Photos I take pictures from trips I have taken, laminate them on placemat size paper. They are always of interest when people come to dinner. I have also done this with various holiday cards, so I have placemats to go with all holidays. By Bev from Carlsbad, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, "We bet we can tell how old you are." The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it." One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age." He did. The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!" The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How did you guess that?" The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "You told us yesterday!"
» Say Cheese


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"Email Account Suspension" Mail  



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 30

While looking at the preview list of mail in MailWasher, 
I saw this semi-legitimate looking mail today, that claimed

"Dear PayPal User,
You sent a payment for $5698.53 USD to Damian Lugo."

Yeah, sure. I got the 53 cents, but the $5698 simply are not
in my account, or anywhere near it. 

The actual link underlying, but exposed by Mailwasher for
"View the details of this transaction online"
was
http://wwwa-tecindustries.com/TU6Dp4tJ/index.html

The same link was underlying links pretending to be PayPal
links. Naturally, I would not hit that link with a 10 foot pole. 

If you don't have MailWasher to expose stuff like that, be
very careful with mails, that claim you had sent money
somewhere, even though you haven't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake as a heretic.
1539 Spanish explorer Fernando de Soto discovers Florida
1808 Napoleon annexes Tuscany & gave it seats in French Senate 
1814 1st Treaty of Paris, after Napoleon's 1st abdication
1821 James Boyd patents Rubber Fire Hose
1848 México ratifies treaty giving US; New Mexico, California & 
parts of Nevada, Utah, Arizona & Colorado in return for $15 million 
1858 Hudson Bay Company's rights to Vancouver Island revoked 
1872 Mahlon Loomis patents wireless telegraphy
1889 The brassiere is invented
1896 1st car accident occurs, Henry Wells hit a bicyclist (NYC) 
1913 New country of Albania is formed 
1941 English Army enters Baghdad, chasing pro-German coup government 
1942 1,047 bombers bomb Cologne in RAF's raid of WWII 
1966 300 US airplanes bomb North Vietnam
1966 US launches Surveyor 1 to the Moon
1967 Robert "Evel" Knievel's motorcycle jumps 16 automobiles
1968 University church in Leipzig, East Germany, blown up 
1976 Bobby Unser sets world record for the fastest pit stop (4 seconds) 
1997 Betty Shabazz, widow of Malcolm X, set afire by 12 year old grandson 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Indecision may or may not be my problem. --- Jimmy Buffett If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone. --- Maxwell Maltz
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A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ... because he hated the book!"
Click on the picture for the large version Fuzzy Flora
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ashley Holton, 35, from Alabama, now in a Florida jail Solo Sex Act On Busy Florida Highway Ashley Holton, a 35-year-old Alabama woman was jailed Sunday after she allegedly masturbated in front of passing motorists on a busy Florida highway, then resisted arrest. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Holton was wearing nothing more than a pink shirt when she decided to pull her car over on Highway 484 near Interstate 75 and then masturbate in front of passing motorists. Holton's display of self-love attracted the attention of herds of motorists - many of whom committed illegal U-Turns to watch her. Holton continued to engage in the sex act for a half hour before deputies arrived on scene. Investigators say Holton kicked, bit and exposed herself to deputies who were attempting to arrest her. She continued to expose herself even after she was secured with handcuffs. Holton was booked into the Marion County Jail and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct and exposure of sexual organs. Her bond has been set at $16,250.
Tech Support Pits: From: Angel Re: "Email Account Suspension" Mail Dear Webby I received all kinds of weird mail threatening to suspend my email account if I did not open some attachment and do this or that. The mails pretended to be from some team at my domain. Well, as you know, my team is me and my dog, and neither one of us sends silly emails to the other. What is it all about and how do I stop it? Angel Dear Angel It's some silly scammer. Just make a filter in MailWasher that looks for "Email Account Suspension" in the subject line, and tell it to trash that mail automatically, without even bothering to show it to you. You won't see another one. Don't worry about that filter accidentally dumping legitimate mail. Nobody will announce suspending anybody's email. If email has to be messed with, because that address has not been checked in a long time, and the mail box has over 50 MB of spam in it, then there is no point adding a suspension notice to the end of that UNchecked pile of mail. The box will simply be dumped when it goes over the limit. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set a Timer to Prevent an Overflowing Bathtub I used to be the world's worst at forever overflowing my bathtub! I'd get it started then wind up on the computer or doing something else and next thing I knew I had water all over the place! I never over flow it anymore. I went to the dollar store and bought 2 small timers that have the clips on the back. One for each bathroom. Now as soon as I get the water running I grab the timer, set it and start it, and clip it to the neck or as high up as I can of my clothing. As soon as it goes off, I know to go in and shut the water off. I haven't over flowed the tub once since I got these 3 years ago! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge. After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling." "Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not." Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The Rabbi eyed him coolly and replied. . . "With whom?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Lu for this one: I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals. Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or "Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie." If you look in my freezer you'll see "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," and, my favorite, "Food." That way when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have exactly what he wants."
» Awesome Asteroids


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How to get rid of Internet Explorer INBOX 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 29

>From Nellie
Hi,
Tom and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary on Sunday, June 3.
It is also the 50th anniversary of the Orly plane crash in France that killed
so many people from Atlanta, GA.
Nellie

Congratulations, Nellie and Tom!

The late and cold spring did not stop or slow down the Rhubarb
at all. It is ready! First rhubarb is always the very best, 
and I made a big pot full to go with a stack of hearty 
rye pancakes. At the Bulk Barn rye flour is cheaper than
wheat flour, quite the opposite from regular grocery stores,
where they sell rye flour in small gourmet packages at 
ridiculous prices.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0526 Antioch struck by Earthquake; about 250,000 die 
1415 Council of Konstanz 
1453 Constantinople falls to Muhammad II (Turks); ends Byzantine Empire 
1849 Lincoln says "You can fool some of the people all of the time, 
& all of the people some of time, but you can't fool all of the people 
all of the time"
1849 Patent for lifting vessels granted to Abraham Lincoln 
1864 Mexican Emperor Maximilian arrives at Vera Cruz
1874 Present constitution of Switzerland takes effec
1911 1st Indianapolis 500 car race, Ray Harroun wins at 74.59 mph
1953 Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first to 
reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1977 A J Foyt wins Indianapolis 500 (average speed of 161.331 mph) 
for a record 4th time
1989 Student protesters in Tiananmen Square China construct a 
replica of the Statue of Liberty 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr.,
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A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. "Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted." "Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the kickback from the dopey anaesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Dad for this picture Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today, from the Echinocereus family.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jessica Strahl, 28, Indianapolis,, Indiana Jailed After Attacking and Robbing Disabled Mother, Jessica Strahl, a 28-year-old Indiana woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly attacked her disabled mother when her mother refused to give her money. According to Indianapolis Metro Police, Strahl became angry last Friday when she asked her mother for money, but her mother refused to give her any. The victim, a double-amputee who relies on a cane to walk, refused the request even when Strahl insisted that people were "after her." In retaliation, Strahl allegedly pushed her mother to the ground and ripped two gold necklaces from her mother's neck. Strahl then stole her mother's cane, rendering her incapacitated. The victim suffered injuries to her back and arm as a result of the confrontation. Strahl reportedly fled the home in a red pickup truck and pawned the jewelry at a local pawn shop. She remained a fugitive of justice for nearly a week before she was finally tracked down and arrested. Strahl was booked into jail on a preliminary charge of robbery. Assault charges may be pending as the investigation continues.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Internet Explorer INBOX Dear Webby All of a sudden it takes a lot longer to get on Internet Explorer and when the screen does open there is a full screen labeled INBOX and wants me to register for the program. How can I speed up my access to Internet Explorer and get rid of the prompt for "INBOX" program? John Dear John That sounds like an infection. I would run a reputable anti-Malware program like McAfee and clean up as soon as possible. If you also have that nuisance INBOX toolbar, dump it. Most likely it came in with the same infection. You can dump that from START ControlPanel ADD/Remove Programs (on W7 search in that disorganized mess for "Programs and Features") and in there look for INBOX, and dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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A couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Doll House from Old Bookcase To make a Barbie house, start with a small bookcase you might have that you no longer use. Use carpet remnants for the floor, or recycle an old rug. You can also use linoleum scraps to cover the floor of your doll house, or use the contact paper with the wood look. Use contact paper or glue on wallpaper scraps for the walls. You might choose to paint the bookcase before beginning the craft the dollhouse, depending on what color the bookcase is. Use small pictures cut from magazines to glue on the walls for room decor. This dollhouse is good when you don't have much floor space. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
» Death Valley


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What is a Hotkey? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 28
Memorial Day in the USA

Happy 55th Anniversary Lillemore and Gene!
How can you have a 55th anniversary, 
if you are just 29 and a bit?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0585 -BC- Thales Miletus predicts solar eclispe
0585 -BC-  Persian-Lydian battle ends 
1349 60 Jews murdered in Breslau Silesia
1731 All Hebrew books in Papal State are confiscated
1818 1st steam-vessel to sail Great Lakes launched
1845 Fire in Québec City, Canada, 1,500 houses destroyed 
1900 Solar eclipse occurs 
1918 Tatars declare Azerbaijan, in Russian Caucasus, independent 
1919 Armenia declares it's independence 
1923 Attorney General says it is legal for women to wear trousers anywhere
1923 US unemployment has nearly ended 
1928 Dodge Brothers Inc & Chrysler Corp merged 
1940 Belgium surrenders to Germany, King Leopold III gives himself up
1940 British-French troops capture Narvik Norway 
1961 Last trip (Paris to Bucharest) on Orient Express (after 78 years) 
1963 Cyclone hits Chittagong, Bangladesh; estimated 22,000 die 
& 1 million houses destroyed 
1964 Palestine National Congress forms the PLO 
(Palestine Liberation Organization) in Jerusalem
1979 European Market accepts Greece as member
2003 Pres. Bush signed a $350 billion tax cut into law; the 
  third largest tax cut in U.S. history.
Today is also the day of St Bernard, the patron saint of mountain climbers.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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In an interview this week Paris Hilton said she never discussed sex with her parents. She said she was too shy to ask them about it. In fact, everything she knows about sex she learned from watching her own videos. --- Jay Leno The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams
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A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "That's quite ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra Hundred. Bye."

Groan Alert! A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing: she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic gear?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well? Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery seller." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the sea shore."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Melissa Eaton, 48 in Lilbourn, MO Jailed After Having Sex with 13-year-old boy twice a week over two year period Melissa Eaton, a 48-year-old Missouri woman was jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 13-year-old boy (twice a week) for nearly two years. According to police, Eaton began a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old boy in April 2010 and continued having sex with the boy - twice a week - until February 2012. An investigation was launched after juvenile authorities contacted police about the alleged relationship. Eaton was booked into the New Madrid County Jail and charged with multiple counts of statutory rape and sodomy.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosemarie Re: What is a Hot Key? Dear Webby You told a young man a few days ago to re-boot W7 (which I have..unfortunately) once a week or when the hot keys mess up. What exactly are Hot Keys??? I sound kinda naive, huh?? LOL. Dankeschön.....Rosemarie Dear Rosemarie Hotkeys are keyboard key combinations, that accomplish the same as mousing around and clicking on things. For example CTRL E to fetch the mail, CTRL SHIFT M to open MailWasher, ALT F A to save a file under a new name, and so on. When any of those stop working, you can still get things done by mousing around, but it is time to reboot, because pretty soon W7 is going to mess up seriously. Whenever that happens, I save everything, reboot and go do the dishes or mop a floor. When I come back, W7 has usually finished rebooting. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Remove Paint Transfer My husband went ballistic when he saw a scrape on my car bumper. My grandkids ride their bikes, etc. and he just knew someone had "nicked" the paint on the bumper. I took a tiny bit of a Mr. Clean sponge and gently scrubbed the "nick". It was gone in no time and not a trace of anything remained. Disaster averted. I even got rid of a few more that looked like nicks! By Halfwhit from Ashdown, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. " We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars " "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen." Now type the letter "p" to bring up the Program Manager." CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "p". TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?" TECH SUPPORT" "p" on your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"
» Yikes





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Can one McAfee license be used by more than one person? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 27

The sky is an angry red in the NorthEast.
What does that tell me? Two things:
1) I probably won't be mowing lawns today. 
Red sky in the morning usually announces bad weather.

2) I am working too many hours and should send this off
and get to bed soon.

It's a good thing I write the top comments last!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1529 30 Jews of Posing Hungary, charged with blood ritual, burned at stake 
1703 St. Petersburg was founded by Czar Peter the Great.
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse completes 1st telegraph line 
1850 Mormon Temple in Nauvoo IL destroyed by tornado
1895 British inventor Birt Acres patents film camera/projector
1905 Japanese fleet destroys Russian East Sea fleet in Straits of Tushima 
1907 Bubonic Plague breaks out in San Fransisco
1919 Charles Strite patents pop-up toaster
1921 After 84 years of British control, Afghanistan achieves sovereignty
1936 The Queen Mary left England on its maiden voyage, 
  arriving in France four hours later.
1927 Japanese military intervention in Chinese civil war 
1937 Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco opened.
1941 24 British ships sank the German battleship Bismarck off 
  the coast of France, resulting in the loss of 2,300 lives.
1943 US forbids racial discrimination in war industry 
1948 Arabs blow up Jewish synagogue Hurvat Rabbi Yehudah
1949 Russian stop train traffic West-Berlin 
1951 Chinese Communists force Dalai Lama to surrender his army
1961 1st black light is sold 
1966 55th German F-16 Starfighter crashes
1966 6 French fighters crash above Spain 
1968 Nuclear submarine Scorpion is lost 
1985 Britain agrees to return Hong Kong to China in 1997 
1991 Austrian Boeing 767-300 explodes at Bangkok, 223 die
1996 After a year and a half of bloodshed, Russian President 
  Boris Yeltsin met with the leader of the Chechen rebels and 
  negotiated a cease-fire.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Lord, how the day passes! It is like a life, so quickly when we don't watch it, and so slowly if we do." --- John Steinbeck Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. --- Tallulah Bankhead When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --- Henny Youngman Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by incompetence. --- Robert Heinlein
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness replied, "MY mother did did!"

In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today -- Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, "Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years." But even in death, he couldn't escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, "WOW! That's Amazing!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lonneshia Shafaye Appling, 26, 340 pounds, Jailed After using force to escape after shoplifting Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling, 340 lb, 26, was so determined to shoplift beer, bacon, cheese, and chicken wings from a Piggly Wiggly, that she punched, spit at, and pepper-sprayed store workers who confronted her as she tried to flee the supermarket Wednesday afternoon, according to cops. Getting punched in the face by somebody, who weighs 100 pounds more than Mike Tyson, but is a foot shorter, must be a terrifying experience, however, she was not charged with robbery. When a Piggly Wiggly employee--who had been tipped to the pilfering by a shopper--asked Appling about the concealed items, she tried to exit the store. After worker Jonathan Orr tried to stop Appling, she “pulled out some pepper spray and sprayed him in the face.” Appling kept spraying as several workers tried to keep her from fleeing. The 340-pound Appling also allegedly punched Orr in the face and spit on the 28-year-old employee. As she successfully bolted from the Athens store, Appling was dropping beer cans out of her purse to trip anybody chasing her. Responding to a 911 call, a cop reported spotting “a very large black female in a purple dress standing there screaming at two store employees” who followed her outside the Piggly Wiggly, which was filled with a choking cloud of pepper spray. Police then arrested Appling, whose rap sheet includes several prior shoplifting convictions and outstanding arrest warrants in three Georgia counties. Cops prepared an inventory of the items Appling sought to swipe: five packages of cheese; eight cans of Coors Light; vegetable oil; chicken wings; and five packages of bacon. As first reported by the Athens Banner Herald, she was charged with a variety of crimes, including aggravated assault, theft, simple battery, and disorderly conduct. While in police custody, Appling told a cop to add whatever charges he wanted “because she was going to plea bargain and half of the charges would be dropped anyway,” according to the report.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Multiple users on one McAfee license Dear Webby Hi - is there any way that I can purchase McAfee for my son and myself? He has 2 computers at another address and I have 4 computers at my address. I need to cover my fourth computer and his 2 computers. (I have already purchased one for my 3 computers.) Not sure if this can be done. Love your letter! Thanks, Betty Dear Betty Yes, sure you can! I cover my secretary's computer, even though she telecommutes and works from home. You simply use different email addresses for each account, just like you do with your three machines. You log in with your primary address and password, and set the authorized email addresses. And at http://webby.com/mac you still get the big discount. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped to ask a question. "Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf course you have here" he said to St. Peter. "That shouldn't matter to you." said St. Peter. "But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed "Well if I can't see it, then I'm not coming in!" "Very well Michael. As you wish...look through the gates." He looked and saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him sick to his stomach. "Forget it. There is no way in Hell I'm going to spend eternity playing on that course!" Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over his gate. "Come over here and see what I have to offer." Michael peered through the gate and he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says "I want to be on THAT course!" "Ok. Step on through and it's yours forever." St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said "I can't wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with laughter. "Oh, they are on the other side! That's why their course looks so worn out!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hide Important Numbers in Cell Phone Contacts With so many numbers to remember, here's a great way to keep it simple. If you have a number that is difficult to remember: a pin number, lock combination or ID number, hide it on your phone! Make an entry in your cell phone's contact list for a made-up name. (Make sure you won't confuse it with someone else!) Turn the number into a phone number. Place it at the front, middle or end of the number, put it in backwards or make it only every other number for extra security. Log it as your "friend's" number. This way, you'll have it at hand without giving it away. Even if your phone is lost or stolen, no one will know your secret. Don't have a cell? Use the same trick to add the number to your address book! By Anda from Knoxville, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who sent a declaration out throughout the country announcing that he was searching for a new head Samurai. A year passed and only three people showed up to apply for the position: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai. The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out popped a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead on the ground in two pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out popped a fly. Whoosh - whoosh went his sword. The fly dropped dead on the ground in four pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!" The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box and out popped a fly. His flashing sword went Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. A gust of wind filled the room, but the fly was still alive and buzzing around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The Jewish Samurai smiled and said, "Circumcision is not intended to kill."
» Bull, You Say



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Observations 

Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself
that there are children more awful than your own.

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I love to give homemade gifts...which one of my kids do you want?

You spend the first 2 years of your kids life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.





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Internet Explorer acting funny since last MS Update 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 26

While checking the weather forecast for the weekend, which
turned out to be fairy cold 
I saw this: Two tornadoes 8 miles away druing wedding.
Story and video

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1521 Edict of Worms outlaws Martin Luther & his followers
1538 Geneva throws out Calvin
1647 Massachusetts disallows priest access to colony 
1805 Napoleon is crowned king of Italy
1824 Brazil is recognized by US 
1896 Last Czar of Russia, Nicholas II, crowned 
1905 Pogrom against Jews in Minsk Belorussia
1924 German Government of Marx resigns
1927 Ford Motor Company manufactures its 15 millionth Model T 
1930 Supreme Court rules buying liquor does not violate the Constitution
1940 Begin of evacuating defeated Allied troops from Dunkirk  
1943 Jews riot against Germany in Amsterdam
1944 82nd Airborne division D-day-landing
 at La Haye du Puits to Ste Mère Eglise
1945 US drop fire bombs on Tokyo 
1946 Patent filed in US for H-Bomb 
1966 Guyana (formerly British Guiana) declares independence from UK 
1972 Nixon & Brezhnev signs SALT accord
1977 Movie "Star Wars" debuts 
1984 Tulsa OK gets 13" of rain, 14 die 
1987 Supreme Court ruled dangerous defendants could be held without bail 
2012 After more than 50 years of struggle, South Sudan 
  declares independence and becomes Africa's 54th state.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em. --- Yogi Berra Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?" Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots, Bobo, and count them yourself!"

As I left the supermarket, I noticed two little kids, maybe six or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band. "I'll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," I said to one of the boys, as I gave him the money, "That you eat it for me." He shook his head. "I can't," he said. "Why not?" Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, "Because I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Fredlicia Porterfield, 25, in North, SC Jailed After Setting Bed On Fire As Boyfriend Slept Fredlicia Porterfield, a 25-year-old South Carolina woman was jailed Monday after she allegedly set fire to a bed while her boyfriend slept in it. According to the Orangeburg County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the couple's home Sunday when Porterfield punched her boyfriend and then chased him out of the house with a kitchen knife. Porterfield told arriving deputies that she and her boyfriend got into an argument when she sent him a text message asking when he would be home, and the boyfriend responded in an aggressive, vulgar manner. She also stated that her boyfriend came home, grabbed her by the neck and began choking her. When deputies checked the boyfriend's cell phone, they found no text messages that substantiated the woman's story. Porterfield also did not appear injured, so deputies determined that she was the aggressor in the incident and left to seek a warrant for her arrest. Deputies were called back to the couple's residence after receiving reports that the couple's house was on fire. Investigators arrived to find the home completely engulfed in flames. The boyfriend told investigators that he was awakened by Porterfield who demanded that he "get out of her bed." Porterfield then allegedly poured kerosene around the bed and set it on fire. Firefighters were unable to subdue the fire, which inevitably reduced the home to smoldering rubble. Porterfield was booked into jail and charged with third-degree arson and criminal domestic violence.
Tech Support Pits: From: Melody Re: Internet Explorer acting funny Dear Webby My internet explorer on my computer has started acting funny and not working right or not even working at all. I am still able to get my Yahoo and such another way but was just wondering, is Internet Explorer just not good at all? Also, is is alright if I leave my self signed on at all times as I am the only one who uses this computer. Thanks for any help you can give me. Melody Dear Melody My hunch is that the problem is due to the last Windows Update. Even FireFox locks up occasionally since then. Internet Explorer, which is much more fragile and as a Microsoft product, is even more affected by their updates. Try using FireFox or Chrome, and reboot Windows daily until the current update has been fixed. Yes, sure you can leave yourself signed in at all times, if you have decent protection, for example McAfee. You can still get it at a big discount if you go to http://webby.com/mac Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at him in his 18th-century garb he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Rust From Tools Remove rust from garden tools with steel wool dipped in kerosene or turpentine. Then oil the tools lightly to prevent the rust from forming again. Source: My grandparents did this. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO A better and more permanent method is to use a wire brush, either hand held or rotary, and clean down to bare metal. Then wipe the metal with Naval Jelly. "Naval Jelly" is just jellied phosphoric acid and turns the surface into battleship grey iron phophate. Iron Phosphate is an oxide, and can not oxidize any further. It has gone as far as iron can go. Phosphoric acid is quite safe. It is used in a lot of soft drinks. You can achieve the same effect by spilling classic Coca Cola over rusty metal.. The wire brushing is mainly to remove dirt, that hides rust underneath, and to remove lose rust, that hides unprotected metal underneath it. This should actually be done at the end of the season, before the tools are put away for the winter. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. I love to give homemade gifts...which one of my kids do you want? You spend the first 2 years of your kids life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
> From Joyce Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double pane, energy efficient kind, but this week I got a call from the contractor, complaining his work had been completed a year ago and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy, did we go around and around! Just because I'm a blonde does not mean I'm automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, namely, that in one year, the windows would pay for themselves. I told him that if those windows did not pay for themselves, I was going to sue them for breach of promise! There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up. I have not heard anything back. Guess I won that stupid argument
» Random Illusions





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How often should you reboot? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The current November weather sure is easy on the lawnmower!
The Saskatoon bushes are in full bloom, waiting for sunshine
and bees. I'll take some pictures of them when we get sunshine 
again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0585 -BC- 1st known prediction of a solar eclipse
1241 1st attack on Jewish community of Frankfort, Germany
1720 "Le Grand St Antoine" reaches Marseille, plague kills 80,00
1784 Jews are expelled from Warsaw
1810 Argentina declares independence from Napoleonic Spain
1812 Earthquake destroys Caracas Venezuela 
1915 2nd Battle of Ypres ends with 105,000 casualties 
1927 Henry Ford stops producing Model T car (begins Model A) 
1945 Arthur C Clark proposes relay satellites in geosynchronous orbit
1945 Arther C Clark proposes relay satellites in geosynchronous orbit
1949 Chinese Red army occupies Shanghai 
1953 1st atomic cannon electronically fired, Frenchman Flat NV
1978 "Star Wars" released
1979 American Airlines DC-10 crashes in Chicago killing 275
1979 Israel begins to return Sinai to Egypt 
1991 Israel evacuates 14,000 Ethiopian Jews  
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." --- Albert Einstein
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Lord George Brown, when the band struck up at an embassy function, asked: "Beautiful lady in scarlet, will you waltz with me?" "Certainly not," was the reply. "First, you are drunk. Second, it is not a waltz, but the Venezuelan National Anthem; and third, I am not a beautiful lady in scarlet, but the papal nuncio."

Once there was a guy that needed to make some money. He came up with an interesting plan. He had seen an elephant stand on 4 legs, 3 legs, 2 legs, even 1 leg. He had never seen an elephant stand on no legs. So he went out and bought an elephant. He posted a sign letting people know he was giving $1000 to anyone that can make his elephant stand on no legs. For each try he charged $200. So people came and went and the man was making alot of money because everyone was failing. One day, a man in a blue truck drove up and paid his $200. He walked over to the elephant with a large stick behind his back. He said "Now elephant, I want you to stand on no legs." The elephant just stared. So the guy walked around to the back of the elephant and WHACK!!! with the stick, right in the unmentionables. The elephant jumped up and the man received his $1000. The elephants owner had to think of a better plan because the guy took all the money he had made. So he said, "I have seen an elephant shake his head up and down but I have never seen an elephant shake his head left to right." So people came and went paying their money but never getting the elephant to shake it's head left to right. The man in the blue truck drove up and walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" The elephant shook its head up and down. The man said "Do you want me to do it again?" Did he win another $1000 ? Noooo, he didn't. The elephant remembered him and his stick, grabbed him with his trunk and with a swift and straight throw, threw him into a cement mixer across the street.
Click on the picture for the large version Look at all the buildings! The lean back and turn your head to the right. Thataway ==> (-:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Varance Hibbett Man Assaults Passenger, Crashes at Car Lot Varance Hibbett, 33, caused $57,000 in damage at Axiom Motors on Brandon Boulevard after deputies say he started punching a female passenger while he was driving. A Valrico man assaulted a female passenger while driving and then crashed into several cars at a Brandon Boulevard dealership Monday night, TBO.com reports. According to the news site, Hillsborough County Sheriff's deputies say Varance Hibbett, 33, was driving a gray Chrysler 300 eastbound on Brandon Boulevard around 10:45 p.m. Monday, May 23. Witnesses told authorities he was punching a 39-year-old Tampa woman and grabbing her by the hair when she tried to get out of the vehicle as Hibbett was driving. Witnesses said they heard the couple screaming and heard him yell, "I'll kill you!" Hibbett then struck two vehicles driving on Brandon Boulevard before hitting a light pole and six parked cars at Axiom Motors. Hibbett fled the scene on foot, deputies said, but was caught about 500 yards away. The female passenger received injuries to her face and mouth in the crash, TBO reports. Total property damage at Axiom is estimated at $57,000, according to the report. Hibbett is charged with battery; leaving the scene of a crash with injury; leaving the scene of a crash with property damage; resisting an officer without violence; three counts of DUI with property damage; and DUI with injury. He is being held in Hillsborough County Jail on $11,250 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Reboot how often? Dear Webby How often should a computer be rebooted? Chris Dear Chris That depends on what kind of Operating System you have. W7 once per week or when hot-keys stop working XP-SP3 once per month XP-SP2 once every 3 months Linux once per year UNIX: once every two years Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A ragged individual stranded for months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of activity," he read, "we have regretfully found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Loose Screws in Wood If a screw keeps turning in something that is wooden, simply remove the screw, put a toothpick in the hole, break it off at the top of the hole, insert the toothpick part and replace the screw. By stanwitham from Oregon City, Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total isolation. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine and feel despondent. As he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries. Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump." The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he called out. There were two horses, a white one and a black one, standing in the fenced field alongside the road. The man was amazed when the white horse repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight and try it again." Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. "Gimme a large whiskey, please!" he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost." "It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?" The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes, it was! Am I crazy?" "No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher, "because that black horse don't know shit about gas engines."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Fran: My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers, that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons, pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building.
» Tokyo Skytree





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Old Age... 







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Source for safe music 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 24

From Roy:
enjoyed the joke about the decoys, which reminded me of an 
incident when i was younger, (really, really younger.)...my 
brother, cousin and i were out duck hunting by my cousin's 
farm..we edged our way up the embankment of a tank (which 
is what we called a pond), on our bellies we slid up to the top, 
my cousin peered over and  said that there were several ducks 
on the water...on the count of three we jumped up and began 
firing, totally destroying about six decoys someone had sat out....
didln't take us long to high tail it out of there and down the road....
ahhh the stupidity of youth...
roy

Yes, I know, Ezinefinder was down again, 
and they don't answer email. 
They are not on our servers, but on some Mac server on the
West Coast. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that
beyond writing to them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1830 1st passenger rail service in US (Baltimore & Elliots Mill, Maryland) 
1844 Samuel Morse transmitted the first telegraph message, in which 
he asked, "What hath God wrought?"
1883 The Brooklyn Bridge, linking Manhattan and Brooklyn, opened to traffic.
1899 W.T. McCullough of Boston, Mass., opened the first public garage. 
One could rent space for selling, storing and repairing vehicles.
1915 Thomas Edison invents telescribe to record telephone conversations 
1940 Dutch army demobilizes 
1941 Bismarck sinks British battle cruiser HMS Hood, 1,416 die 3 survive 
1944 Icelandic voters severe all ties with Denmark 
1957 Anti American riots breakout in Taipei, Taiwan 
1958 The United Press and the International News Service merged to form UPI.
1976 The British and French Concordes made their first commercial flights.
1985 Cyclone hits Bangladesh; about 10,000 die 
1993 Eritrea achieved independence from Ethiopia after 30-year civil war
2000 Israeli troops pulled out of Lebanon after 18 consecutive years of occupation.
2012  smiled

Some of the history is from http://www.infoplease.com

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? --- George Price There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. --- James Branch Cabell
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Thanks to Roland for this: New Secret Service Rules The Secret Service issued new rules of conduct for agents on Friday.They can no longer get drunk, procure hookers or go to strip clubs.The rules say that from now on, if agents feel compelled to engage insuch behavior, they can run for public office like everyone else.

From Wendy in Buffalo, NY A woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $22.40 for fast delivery or $21.30 for slower service. "There is no hurry," she told the clerk, "just so the package is delivered in my lifetime." The postmaster glanced at her and said, "That will be $22.40, please."
Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joseph Moody, 31, in Peters Township, PA Jailed After Asking Police To Return Bag Full Of Drugs Joseph Moody, a 31-year-old Pennsylvania man was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly asked police to return a bag of drugs he had left behind at a local grocery store. According to Peters Township Police, Moody reportedly left a black bag containing an undisclosed amount of marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms at a local Giant Eagle grocery store. After discovering the bag and its contents, store employees contacted police who took possession of the drugs a short time later. When Moody contacted the grocery store about the forgotten bag, they advised him that it had been turned over to police. Moody went to the police station to retrieve the drugs when he was taken into custody. He was booked into the Washington County Jail on a parole violation. Charges will be filed over the drug possession, when the cops stop laughing.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Free music Dear Webby Is there a place on the web where you can legitimately get free music, without worrying about getting in trouble. I don't mean whole CD's, just enough of each artist to see if their music is worth spending money on. Thanks Alice Dear Alice Try http://www.soundclick.com/ You get one or two songs per artist there, just perfect for finding out who is woth the cost of a CD. Quality is pretty good, but expect to have to adjust the volume. Not all artists are represented there, but the sound quality is considerably better than with Internet Radio or regular radio. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. After another half hour had elapsed, they asked again, "Can we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them. "WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES??" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Loose Screws in Wood If a screw keeps turning in something that is wooden, simply remove the screw, put a toothpick in the hole, break it off at the top of the hole, insert the toothpick part and replace the screw. By stanwitham from Oregon City, Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!" Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air. The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Priests just can't stay out of trouble here these days. It seems the Church is being REAL careful and smacking down some behavior that, in the past, would have certainly been encouraged. For instance, there's this tale of a priest I heard about, who was trying to modernize the church. You know, to help bring young people into the fold. But the Bishop stopped by and had a chat with the young parish priest. "John," the bishop said, "I don't want to say you've had no successes. You told us to put a little more beat in to the music and that got some young folks back to church. I supported you, you know this, when you wanted a rock & roll gospel choir." "So," John asked, "What's the problem?" "Well, it's that 'drive-thru' confessional idea you came up with." "What's wrong with it? People love it! 24 hours a day!" "I think what drove the Monsignor over the edge was the neon sign that said, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell!'"
» Tokyo Skytree





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Crap Cleaner link problem 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 22

Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my eyes.
Don't expect a newsletter tomorrow, because I won't be able
to see well enough to send one out.

At one time, I would have pre-written it, but 9/11 cured me 
of that. I was going to visit a AngelWinks in Tennessee, 
and then a client in California, and had pre-written the 
Humor Letter for September 13 - 27.

Then the terrorists attacked, and the world changed.
Aside from the airport hassles and the problem getting
to Tennessee, what I had pre-written was no longer
appropriate. After 9/11 I felt I needed to use a much kinder 
tone. So I had to trash the 14 pre-written Humor Letters
and write new ones. 

Since then I don't write them in advance any more.
I would not want to jinx the fragile peace we got.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1455 The first battle in the 30-year War of Roses took place at St. Albans.
1761 The first life insurance policy in the United States 
was issued in Philadelphia.
1849 Abraham Lincoln received patent number 6469 for his 
floating dry dock.
1927 An earthquake near Xining, China, measuring 8.3 claimed 
approximately 200,000 victims.
1947 Harry S. Truman's Doctrine brought aid to Greece and Turkey to 
combat the spread of Communism.
1972 Ceylon became Sri Lanka.
1972 Richard Nixon arrived in Moscow, becoming the first 
U.S. president to visit the Soviet Union.
1990 North Yemen and South Yemen merged to form the 
Republic of Yemen.
1992 Johnny Carson hosted the last episode of his Tonight Show.
2003 The UN Security Council approved a resolution lifting the 
economic sanctions against Iraq and supporting the U.S.-led 
administration in Iraq.
2011 At least 140 people are killed and hundreds more injured 
as a three-quarter-mile-wide tornado hits Joplin, Missouri. 
The tornado is among the deadliest in the nation's history, 
destroying nearly a third of the city and damaging about 2,000 
buildings, including water treatment and sewage plants.
2012  smiled

History from http://www.infoplease.com

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same." --- Sir Philip Gibbs
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Two priests are vacationing in Hawaii. They don't want to stand out, so they decide to buy casual clothes. They've just hit the beach in loud Hawaiian print T- shirts and sandals when they spot this hot blonde in a tiny bikini walking their way. As she walks past them, she politely says, "Good afternoon, fathers." Well, the men are amazed, because they can't understand how the woman knew they were priests. They decide to go out and buy even wilder clothes, so they buy tie- died T-shirts, surfer shorts, and dark sunglasses. The next day, they hit the beach in their wild new clothes, and the same blonde passes them in a string bikini. As she passes, she says, "How do you do, fathers?" Well, the two priests are really confused, so they ask the blonde, "Excuse me, ma'am. We're not ashamed of being priests, but how in the world did you know who we were?" The blonde replies "Why, father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Catherine from the convent!"
Imagic, easy photo enhancement software If you just want to sharpen, darken, lighten or annotate a photo, Imagic will let you do it easily, without studying for hours.

A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel. The new bride is concerned and asked, "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says "Hmm... Good point. I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug . . . "AHA!" he shouts! Sure enough, under the rug was a small disc shaped plate, with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the plate out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" Curious, the groom says, "And why, sir, are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER yours complained of the chandelier falling on them!"
OOOPS! yesterday's Large version of the pictrue had a typo This time it will work properly. Click on the picture for the large version Watch out! Grampa's got the whip!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tiffany Pocock, 27, Belleview, Ohio Tiffany Pocock Drank A Bottle Full Of Crazy Tiffany Pocock, a 27-year-old Bellevue woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly went on a tirade after consuming more than a half-bottle of whiskey. According to Bellevue police, officers were dispatched to an area residence after receiving a report of a domestic dispute at around 1:45 a.m.. Police arrived on the scene to find a man with an injury above his eye. He told officers that he had been struck by Pocock who appeared to be quite intoxicated. Officers also discovered a mini-van parked near the home with it's side door left open. When they looked inside, they found a bottle of whiskey with about a third of the alcohol left. After a brief search, officers located Pocock and placed her under arrest. As they were escorting her to a patrol car, she began resisting arrest and attempting to harm herself by striking her head against the officer's car. Once officers had Pocock inside the vehicle, she began screaming and continuously slammed her head into the glass divider until she was bleeding bad enough for police to take her to a local hospital. When officers escorted her into the emergency room, she spit blood on an officer as well as a nurse. Pocock was booked into the Sandusky County Jail and charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, driving under suspension, and two counts of assault.
Tech Support Pits: From: Scotty Re: Crap Cleaner Link problem Dear Webby Is there a way to get CrapCleaner without going through the hassle of mirror sites, that try their best to mak you accidentally download some ransom ware or other crap, that I don't want? Thanks Scotty Dear Scotty Go directly to http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner if you lose that link, go to my Tool Box and get it from there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies!" "Oh, it was my wife's idea." "Your wife?" "Yeah," answers Ted, "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Loose Screws in Wood If a screw keeps turning in something that is wooden, simply remove the screw, put a toothpick in the hole, break it off at the top of the hole, insert the toothpick part and replace the screw. By stanwitham from Oregon City, Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he'd like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would you like to take when you go to college?" they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move. Being a guy, he took the bet. He launched four shots toward the ducks, and even threw two by hand, and the ducks still wouldn't budge. Only after he lost six brand new golf balls did he realize the ducks were painted wooden decoys.
» Weapons of the ages





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Democracy 

Democracy - Always Temporary

"A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.

"A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.

"From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.

"The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:

1. From bondage to spiritual faith;
2. From spiritual faith to great courage;
3. From courage to liberty;
4. From liberty to abundance;
5. From abundance to complacency;
6. From complacency to apathy;
7. From apathy to dependence;
8. From dependence back into bondage

Alexander Tyler




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How do I stop Windows updates? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 21
The Monday closest to my birthday is a Stat Holiday in Canada.
No day off for me and other self-employed people, though.
That's the benefit of being self-employed, you get to work
every day.

My raspberries are greening up nicely, and so is the Maggi
bush by the wheelie bin.


The silvey pipe you see near the left side, that is the exhaust
from the fridge & freezer. Instead of heating up the kitchen
all summer, the waste hot air produced by the fridge & freezer
goes outside. Only in winter does the hot air go into the 
kitchen.

The saskatoon berries finally started to bloom.
Here are the first blossoms:


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0143 Earliest recorded date in America-pre Mayan king 
Harvest-Bergvorst installed 
1502 Portuguese Admiral Da Nova discovers St Helena 
1804 Lewis & Clark Expedition begins
1840 New Zealand became a British colony 
1846 1st steamship arrives in Hawaii 
1871 French regular troops attack Commune of Paris; 17,000 die 
1908 1st horror movie (Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde) premieres in Chicago
1916 Britain begins "Summer Time" (Daylight Savings Time) 
1925 Canadians allow beer sales 
1941 1st US ship sunk by a U-boat (SS Robin Moore) 
1950 Vietnamese troops of Ho Chi-Minh attack Cambodia
1956 US explodes 1st airborne hydrogen bomb over Bikini Atoll 
1964 1st nuclear-powered lighthouse (Chesapeake Bay) 
1968 US nuclear-powered sub (Scorpion), with 99 men, missing & 
is later found at the bottom of the ocean off Azores
1970 National Guard mobilized to quell disturbances at Ohio State U
1971 National Guard mobilized to quell riot in Chattanooga TN 
1982 British troops land on Falkland Islands
nothing notable happened on this day between 1982  and 2012
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. --- Cullen Hightower Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. --- Mark Twain
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A nice girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for a chat. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé. "I am a Biblical scholar," he replies. "A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" "I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us." "And children? How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide." The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancé insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it go?" "He has no job and no plans, but he thinks I'm God."
Imagic, easy photo enhancement software If you just want to sharpen, darken, lighten or annotate a photo, Imagic will let you do it easily, without studying for hours.

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!
Click on the picture for the large version Get out of the way! Grampa Has Got The Whip!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jonathon Rodriguez, 28 in San Antonio, Texas Charged With Running Over Girlfriend Because She Wanted To Break Up With Him Jonathon Rodriguez, a 28-year-old Texas "man" was jailed Saturday after he allegedly ran his girlfriend down with an automobile after she broke up with him. According to police, Rodriguez became angry when his girlfriend announced that she was breaking off her relationship with him. Investigators say Rodriguez retaliated by cursing and yelling at the woman. When that didn't change her mind, he allegedly hopped into a car, punched the gas and ran her over as she walked along a sidewalk. Rodriguez showed his undying love for the woman by fleeing the scene as she lay injured. The woman was taken to a local hospital where she was treated for a broken leg and other injuries. Although the assault took place on April 7, Rodriguez remained a fugitive until his arrest Saturday. He was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. His bail has been set at $80,000.
Tech Support Pits: From:Dianne RE: How do I stop Windows updates? Dear Webby How do I stop Windows updates? This weeks updates messed up more stuff than I can fix on my own. And the NOT asked for updates to my bought and paid for Microslop Office demanded, that I go rummage in the attic for the CD and serial number! I PAID for it, they have no right to hassle me about it. How can I turn off their silly updates? Dianne Dear Dianne You are not the only one, who is unhappy with the last batch of bug fixes. Replacing the old bugs with new bugs seem to have slowed down Windows, and somehow made Skype a bit fragile. Hopefully there will be a fix soon for what they did on Tuesday. The last Windows that did not need bug fixes was 3.1 Since Windows 95 there have been bug fixes. The procedure to stop them is rarely the same between one version and the next. However, usually you can try this: Start Control Panel Windows Updates In there, take off checkmarks off anything, that you think is good enough and should not be messed with. When there is a really necessary security update, there will be news about it on the net. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Woman on cell phone at mall parking lot: "Hello, psychic hotline? Where did I park my car?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Kitty Litter Bucket for Kitchen Compost I always wanted to compost, a kitchen composter was easiest to start with but expensive. I noticed our kitty litter container (hard plastic) was a perfect size and has a lid and handle. It fits under the sink and has been working great. By krisanthemum from Pataskala, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
France's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this morning. French search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that the number will climb as the digging continues into the night. The pilot and passenger were only slightly injured and after on some minor first aid were able to help the rescuers with the digging.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time, and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, maite, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya blimey idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, aiy!"
» Soda Lime (Who Knew)





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How to change the sounds in Windows 7 ? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 20

It looks like Obama is admitting, that he has no clue about
what is going on in Afghanistan, and wants to pull out the 
troops. Well, most of us realized that, when he fired 
General McCrystal for trying to confuse him with facts.

There is no point in trying to deal with Karzai, as long as
he acts like an erratic crack addict, or with the provincial
governors, who make Billions each year with the opium and
heroin trade. WWII was not won by negotiating with an
erratic and insane Hitler. It was won by blockading Germany,
bombing the towns and scaring the crap out of the civilians,
and above all, by having a loyal and motivated home front.

The only strategy, that would actually work in Afghanistan, 
is to pull the troops to the borders, and really block the 
dope trade. Sure, Pakistan and Iran would get into a snit 
about that, but aren't they already anyway?

A fringe benefit would be learning the skills needed to seal
the southern border, or at least slow down illegal  traffic.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1506 Christopher Columbus died in Spain.
1861 North Carolina voted to secede from the Union.
1927 Charles Lindbergh began the first solo nonstop transatlantic flight, 
departing from Long Island aboard the Spirit of Saint Louis.
1932 Amelia Earhart took off from Newfoundland to become the first 
woman to fly solo across the Atlantic.
1961 A mob attacked a busload of "freedom riders" in Montgomery, Ala., 
setting the bus on fire.
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, 53, became the first woman to run across America. 
The 3,000-mile trek took her 69 days. She ran an average of 
45 miles each day.
1996 In a 6-3 vote, the Supreme Court rejected a Colorado measure 
banning laws that protect homosexuals from discrimination.
2002 East Timor became the newest nation.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. --- Elvis Presley Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. --- David T. Wolf What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .... mighty scarce. --- Mark Twain
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A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Now, I'm short and fat!"
Imagic, easy photo enhancement software If you just want to sharpen, darken, lighten or annotate a photo, Imagic will let you do it easily, without studying for hours.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
Thanks to Said Reza for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sekera Bearch Sunset, Indonesia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jodi Rock, Tahlequah, OK Burning Baby's Genitals With Hair-Straightening Iron Jodi Rock, a 19-year-old Oklahoma woman has been jailed after she allegedly admitted to burning her baby's genitals with hair-straightening iron. According to the Cherokee County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Tahlequah City Hospital late last month after a 15-month-old baby arrived to the ER with various bone fractures and burns to his genitals. Investigators say the baby suffered three serious burns to his groin area. The child also suffered bone fractures in both shoulders, his forearm and wrist. The child's mother, identified as Jodi Rock, gave deputies several different stories as to how the child was injured. When detectives questioned Rock a second time, she reportedly admitted to burning her baby with a hair-straightening iron by closing the iron around the child's genitals. Rock also told investigators that she or her boyfriend "may" have injured the baby's arms by playing too rough with him. Rock was booked into the Cherokee County Detention Center and charged with felony injury to a child. Her bond has been set at $200,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: theoldprospector@ RE: How do I change Windows sounds? how do I add sounds to the sound list already available for adding sounds to computer functions,such as delete, log on etc. I have windows7 with ie9 browser. Dear theoldprospector First collect the sounds, that you want to use, in an easy to find location. Then rename them with a recognizable and descriptive name, for example May2012-Delete.wav Then click on START Control Panel Choose Appearance and Personalization Change sound effects Clicking on one of the program events and hit BROWSE to go to your stored and ready sounds. Select the sound that you want. Do the same for all the other sounds, that you want to change. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Wax Residue in Candle Holders I used to have the kindest neighbor who I would visit often. She always had everything decorated so nicely, and she always had candles burning. She told me that she put a little bit of water in the bottom of the glass votive before putting her candle in to prevent the wax from sticking to glass votive and she was right! Source: My older kind neighbor By Beth from Fairfield, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in the department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an elderly Italian gentleman in the street who was wearing a black suit and asked him how often he had sexual intercourse. "Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled. "I thought you Italians were supposed to be more active than that!" she said. "We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car."
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How to set up screensavers on Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 19

I have been looking for a source of modern history, but it
seems, history stopped with the Millenium change.
There are odd facts here and there, but no concise collection,
that I can find. If you know of a site with usable information,
please let me know!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1506 Columbus selects his son Diego as sole heir
1568 English queen Elizabeth I arrests Scottish queen Mary
1571 Manilla in the Phillipines founded
1585 Spain confisquates English ships
1588 Spanish Armada sets sail for Lisbon, bound to England
1635 France declares war on Spain
1796 Game protection law restricts encroachment on 
Indian hunting grounds 
1848 México gives Texas to US, ending the war 
1862 Homestead Act becomes law
1885 1st mass production of shoes (Matzeliger in Lynn MA) 
1896 1st auto (Benz) to arrive in Netherlands 
1939 Churchill signs British-Russian anti-Nazi pact 
1943 Churchill pledges England's full support to US against Japan
1951 UN begins counter offensive in Korea 
1958 US & Canada form North American Air Defense (NORAD) 
1967 US bombs Hanoi 
1971 USSR launches Mars 2, 1st spacecraft to land on Mars
1976 Gold ownership legalized in Australia 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. --- Russell Green Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. --- Jane Austen, Emma I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. --- Augusten Burroughs "I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat." ---Marcus Brigstocke
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A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices that the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise down the highway. This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years. Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when we used to be like that young couple? Where did the love go, honey?" Her question was met with a few moments of pensive thought, while he looked at his gnarled hands on the steering wheel. Then he replied, "I don't know, but I haven't moved."
Imagic, easy photo enhancement software If you just want to sharpen, darken, lighten or annotate a photo, Imagic will let you do it easily, without studying for hours.

Nancy went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor." "Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell." "My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," Nancy complained, "It wakes me up!"
Click on the picture for the large version Traditional Art in India
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alexandra Watkins, 23, in Hillsboro, Oregon Slow Learner - Jailed After Toddler Found Wandering Alone Twice In Same Week Alexandra Watkins, a 23-year-old Oregon woman has been jailed after her 2-year-old daughter was found wandering along a busy road wearing nothing but a diaper - Twice in the same week! According to police, Watkins was arrested on Monday after a bus driver found the toddler wandering beside a busy road wearing only a diaper. Deputies tracked down the toddler's mother at a nearby apartment complex and charged her with child neglect. The child was placed with a family member while Watkins was in jail. Watkins regained custody of the child on Tuesday after she was released from jail. On Wednesday, the little girl was found wandering alone again - this time by somebody, who was out riding a bicycle. This time, deputies knew where they could find the child's mother. Watkins was booked into jail and charged with a second count of child neglect. Her bail has been set at $5,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie RE: How to set up Screen Savers Dear Webby, I agree that those third party screen savers are atrocious! That is why they keep pestering you, once they got your address. Luckily I got MailWasher and can nuke their BS on the server, without downloading it. It cost me $150 to get rid of one of those live action screensavers and the spyware and adware that came with it. Never again! So how do I set up that Slide Show Screen Saver ? Thanks Maggie Dear Maggie Click on START ControlPanel Yeah, I know it is a big mess in Windows 7, but there is nothing I can do about that. Search for DISPLAY, it often is not too far down in the mess. In some versions of Windows7, you will see an item named Screensaver However, Microsoft is not consistent and in other versions, you don't. In those versions of Windows7 look at the bottom of that screen, and you will see Personalization Yeah, pretty big word for people, who can't keep the setup consistent from one version to another. Hit that big word and at the very bottom right hand corner in that page, you finally see Screensaver. In that screen select Photos Click on Settings and browse to the folder, where you got the pictures, that you want to use. Make double sure, that you have absolutely NO videos in there! Make double sure, that you have absolutely NO videos in there! Windows 7 does not deal gracefully with those, and you may have to pull the plug to get going again. Once you have made absolutely sure, that you have NO videos in that folder, select it. Then set the wait time. You CAN put a checkmark onto the logon screen requirement. That is normally just used in offices, where you don't want anybody else snooping into your machine, while you are in the washroom. Then hit OK, and it is done. if you don't have any pictures, that are safe to show in your absence, there are some safe ones at Wincustomize. If you want to experiment or change your screen savers often, then you will probably get VERY fed up with the ridiculously braindead rigmarole for getting to the screensaver settings. Well, you are not the first one, and some good people wrote a tiny shortcut program for that. Windows 7 - Screen Saver Settings Shortcut That gives you a simple icon on the desktop to get to the screensaver settings without any silly fuss. In Windows 12 that shortcut will probably be buit in. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Honey," said a husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that," said the husband. "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" the wife demanded. "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pins in Prescription Bottle Keep straight pins in a prescription medication bottle. This keeps them out of children's hands. By kirstenenswan from Logan, UT OUCH! You can get paperclip holders at the Dollar Store. They are cups with a magnetic collar, that offers you a few pins without poking your fingers. You can also get flexible magnetic strips at tool supply stores. They are handy for holding a big array of needles and can be attached anywhere out of reach of kids. I built a sewing kit from an attache case for a girlfriend once, and put some magnetic strips into the lid. They held all the different embroidery needles and thimbles and threaders. None of them ever fell off, even when the lid was slammed shut in a hurry. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither, her father is bald."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."
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Safe Screensaver 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



It didn't quite snow today, but I have felt warmer at times,
when it did snow. That is no cause for alarm. We usually 
have a few really cold days in the middle of May.

The same happens in Europe too, and has for many centuries.
There each day has a saint and some in May are called the 
Ice Saints, because on their  days they usually have a frost 
or snow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1096 Crusaders massacre Jews of Worm 
1291 Sultan of Egypt & his son take last Christian stronghold of Acre 
1642 Montréal Canada founded
1703 Dutch & English troops occupy Cologne
1756 England declares war on France 
1830 Edwin Budding of England signs an agreement for manufacture 
of his invention, the lawn mower - Saturdays are destroyed forever 
1860 Republican Party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president 
1918 TNT explosion in chemical factory in Oakdale PA kills 200
1948 Arab Legion captures fort on Mount Scopus
1948 Saudi Arabia joins invasion of Israel 
1974 "The Streak" by Ray Stevens hits #1 
1974 India becomes 6th nation to explode an atomic bomb 
1978 Italy legalizes abortion 
1980 China People's Republic launch 1st intercontinental rocket 
1980 Mount St Helens blows its top in Washington State, 60 die 
1983 Senate revises immigration laws, gives millions of illegal aliens 
legal status under an amnesty program 
1990 East and West Germany sign a monetary union treaty 
1994 Israel withdraws from the Gaza Strip 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. --- Socratex "I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face- lifts until my ears meet." --- Rita Rudner If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody. --- Agatha Christie A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. --- Henry David Thoreau
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note. Last Sunday the priest ended with... "Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?" It seems my honest answer was not what he wanted to hear.
Imagic, easy photo enhancement software If you just want to sharpen, darken, lighten or annotate a photo, Imagic will let you do it easily, without studying for hours.

TOP TEN CHRISTIAN PICK-UP LINES 10. "I just don't feel called to celibacy." 9. "Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham?" 8. "I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith." 7. "What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?" 6. "You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa." (DO NOT get them mixed up!) 5. "You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism." 4. "I'm pretty flexible--I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date." 3. "Before tonight, I never believed in predestination..." 2. "Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical." 1. "I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Easter cactus, that is blooming outside. Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Robert Lyzenga, 55 in Lafayette, Indiana Pastor arrested for hiding cameras in washrooms MAY 15--An Indiana pastor is facing a voyeurism charge for allegedly placing hidden cameras disguised as air fresheners in the women’s bathroom of the Lafayette church he had headed for the last decade. Robert Lyzenga, 55, was arrested last week by the Tippecanoe County Police Department on the felony count. He was freed from custody after posting $5000 bond. The voyeurism probe began last month when cops were dispatched to the Sunrise Christian Reform Church, where a woman reported that an air freshener had fallen off the door inside a stall. “The back of the air freshener had come off, and she saw there was a camera inside,” cops reported in an affidavit filed in support of a court application to search Lyzenga’s home and church office. After discovering the hidden camera, the woman checked a second stall and found another air freshener containing a hidden camera. A third stall “also had an air freshener inside the door, but no camera was in that one.” An examination of the devices revealed that “the three air fresheners were not really air fresheners. They are plastic rectangular boxes, and two of them had been modified to hold the cameras which were discovered inside,” Detective Robert Goldsmith reported. All three boxes “had stickers on them with ‘Glade Air-o-matic’ on the stickers,” which appeared to be homemade. A review of memory cards removed from the purported air fresheners showed that they contained footage of two adult women and a female juvenile “using the restroom.” A church worker told cops the air fresheners first appeared in the stalls in February, raising the possibility that many other women were videotaped (and the footage was downloaded from the hidden cameras). The examination of one memory card showed a “brief video recording in an office area” at the point where the hidden camera was picked up, turned on, and apparently placed inside the plastic box. In an effort to match up the video with a specific area, cops last Wednesday returned to the church, where they told Lyzenga that they wanted to take a look around the building. Lyzenga showed them around to several offices, but officers made no matches. That is when Goldsmith “asked about Lyzenga’s office,” according to the affidavit. Goldsmith “noticed Lyzenga was very nervous” as he accompanied the investigator into the space. The pastor’s office, Goldsmith reported, appeared identical to the office seen on one of the videos (down to a Superman mouse pad on the desk). Lyzenga, pictured in the above mug shot, was subsequently busted in connection with the surreptitious bathroom filming. Married for 30 years, the father of three was fired from his pastor’s post immediately following his May 10 arrest.
Tech Support Pits: From: Melody RE: Screen Savers Dear Webby, I look forward to your humor letter everyday. My question is about those active or live action screensavers I keep getting notices for. I would like to try one but am not sure about it. I have heard that they damage your screen in the long run. Is there anything I should know before I try them. Any help you can give me is much appreciated. I look forward to many more days of enjoying your humor letters. Melody Dear Melody They don't damage your screen. However, most, especially the "free" ones, usually include spyware and adware to pay for them. Some of them are extremely difficult to get rid of. If you just need something to entertain the cats while you are away, just use one of the built in screensavers. You can use SlideShow and set it to use a folder, where you have pictures that the cats like. That is perfectly safe, even if you let it run while you are on vacation. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks, drop from 50,000 feet, get run over by a tank and small arms fire. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Vinyl Coupon Sorter for Receipts I have a vinyl coupon sorter that is divided into categories (Grocery, Target, etc. and family members names and receipts awaiting reimbursement or rebates) Each time I purchase an item, I place the receipt in the corresponding file. Be sure to get into the regular habit of doing this or your file will cause you more aggravation than it is worth! By Diana from Prospect, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Standing on the sidelines during a football game at my son's high school, I saw one of the players take a hard hit. He tumbled to the ground and didn't move. We grabbed our first- aid gear and rushed out onto the field. The coach picked up the young man's hand and urged, "Son, can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
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From A Loving Mother 






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Converting email 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 17

CHICAGO (UPI) -- With security in Chicago beefed for this 
weekend's NATO summit it was absolutely wrong time to rob 
a bank, a police officer said. 

Officer John McCarthy told the Chicago Tribune that he and 
his partner cornered a robbery suspect immediately after a 
man help up the Fifth Third Bank in Old Town on Monday. 

The officers found cash on the man and brought him back 
to the bank where he was immediately identified as the robber. 

McCarthy said the robber picked a "bad time" to hold up a 
bank given the heavy police presence on Chicago streets 
for the NATO summit. 

"It was just poor planning on his part," McCarthy said.
-----------
With police outnumbering the protesters and everybody 
behaving, a bank robbery must have been a welcome
bit of excitement.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0218 7th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet 
1527 Pánfilo de Narvaéz departs to explore Florida
1536 Anne Boleyn's 4 "lovers" executed 
1620 1st merry-go-round seen at a fair (Philippapolis, Turkey) 
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi, 1st to see 2 belts on Jupiter
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi, 1st to see 2 belts on Jupiter surface
1787 English slave ship Sisters, from Africa to Cuba, capsizes 
1814 Denmark cedes Norway to Sweden
1845 Rubber band patented 
1846 Saxophone is patented by Antoine Joseph Sax 
1881 Revised version of New Testament 
1884 Alaska becomes a US territory 
1932 Congress changes the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico"
1940 Germany occupies Brussels, Belgium & begins invasion of France 
1942 Dutch SS vows loyalty to Hitler 
1942 Dutch SS vows loyalty to Hitler 
1948 Israel "liberates" Acre, Nebi Yusha & Telel-Kadi 
1961 Castro offers to exchange Bay of Pigs prisoners for 500 bulldozers 
1969 Russian probe Venera 6 lands on Venus
1970 Thor Heyerdahl crosses the Atlantic on reed raft Ra 
1980 Major race riot in Miami FL - 16 killed, 300 injured 
1983 Israel & Lebanon sign a peace treaty 
1997 Sylvester Stallone weds Jennifer Flavin in London 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"While getting dressed one morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make- up mirror to see what time it was." --- Unknown
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check."
Imagic, easy photo enhancement software If you just want to sharpen, darken, lighten or annotate a photo, Imagic will let you do it easily, without studying for hours.

The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!"
Thanks to dad for these pictures. Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version This is a rare, pure orange Opuntia Krippa.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Man Dressed as Dead Mother for 6 Years Just when you think you've heard it all, a man goes and dresses up like his dead mother -- for six years -- in order to continue cashing in on her Social Security benefits. Thomas Prusik-Parkin was in court yesterday for allegedly collecting over $115,000 of his deceased mother Irene's government benefits after she died in 2003. How did he do it? Well, first, he reportedly changed Irene's death certificate, adding a fake Social Security number and birthday, making it seem it was for somebody else and like she was still alive. Then he went to the DMV to renew her driver's license, dressed like her. And then when people started growing suspicious of him during a real estate battle, he threw on a coat of nail polish, a red cardigan, and some lipstick and met with the DA's office. What could possibly go wrong, right? He ahs been in jail for 3 years so far, during the investigation, and faces up to 22 more years. His buddy is in jail too, as an accomplice.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark RE: Converting email Dear Webby, How can I convert my email from Thunderbird to Eudora? We use Eudora at work at my new job and I love it! I can look up mails from the early 90's and everything is nicely sorted into separate mailboxes by department and client. I want to use it at home too now. Thunderbird is a lot newer and the Classic Eudora (6.2.5) does not have a way to import stuff from a program, that was written much later. is there a way to get mail across somehow, or should I just abandon it and start fresh? Thanks Mark Dear Mark Get a new, additional address from your ISP. Normally there is no charge for that. Set Eudora up to use that new address. Then forward all your mail to that new address. The mail will have forwarding marks, but it is old mail anyway, so that should not be a problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Kathryn found an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents. "Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My friend was about to hang up when her mom added.... "And, Kathryn?" "Yes, mom?" "Call them first and let them know you're coming."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Moon Sand For "moon sand", mix 9 cups play sand (really fine sand you can find at Wal-Mart). Add 3 cups cornstarch and 2 1/4 to 2 1/2 cups water. Start with 2 1/4 cup and continue adding water until you have the desired consistency. Mix well. Cover and store in an airtight container. You may need to add a few tablespoons of water if it needs to be moistened. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator. The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?" "No, sir," replies the newbie. "I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer. The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table. "What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain. "Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
» Puddles





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Free Email with many Gigabytes of storage 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 16
Thank you Don!

Just to see what the spammers are up to these days, I peeked
at the mails, that the MailWasher had
marked for deletion. That is always good for a chuckle.
In there, I saw a bill from Verizonwireless, supposedly, 
for $1475. Yeah, right. My only connection to Verizon Wireless
is reading the tales of woe from people in rural California,
whose Verizon Air Card takes 96 hours to download a routine
McAfee update, and who get billed by the minute. Since
MailWasher had already marked it for deletion,
for one reason or another, I did not have to do anything, 
except wonder, how many people fell for that scam.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0955 Alberich II, illegitimate son of Octavianus elected pope
1527 Florence becomes a republic
1568 Mary Queen of Scotland flees to England 
1804 Senate & Tribune declare Napolean leader of France
1817 Mississippi River steamboat service begins 
1861 Kentucky proclaims its neutrality
1866 Charles Elmer Hires invents root beer 
1869 Cincinnati Reds play their 1st baseball game, win 41-7 
1872 Metropolitan Gas Company lamps lit for 1st time
1888 CPR opens Hotel Vancouver, Vancouver BC
1911 Remains of a neanderthal man found in Jersey UK 
1941 Italian army under Aosta surrenders to Britain 
at Amba Alagi Ethiopia
1941 Last great German air attack on Great Britain
1943 Jewish resistance in the Warsaw ghetto ends 
after 30 days of fighting
1943 RAF bombs Möhne & Eder (Battle of Ruhr) 
1948 Egyptians enter the Gaza 
1965 Bomb destroys USAF base Bien Hoa South Vietnam
1983 Lebanese parliament accept peace accord with Israel 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. --- Kin Hubbard "My girlfriend always laughs during sex--- no matter what she's reading." --- Steve Jobs
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A railway inspector in Arkansas was making the rounds of a railway station and yard in a small town. He located Hank, a man who had worked in the rail yard for almost forty years. He questioned Hank about various safety considerations and seemed to be satisfied that Hank was genuinely knowledgeable about railway safety. As a last question, he asked Hank what he would do if he saw two trains approaching each other, on the same track, travelling at speeds of 50 miles per hour? Hank said "I'd yell R.T." The railway inspector, puzzled by this, asked, "What's an R.T. ?" Hank said, "R.T.'s my buddy and he's got one of them deegital cameras!"
Imagic Photo - Image And Photo Enhancement Software Imagic Software This is not just a course, but the actual software!

You got to read this one out loud! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Thanks to dad for this picture. Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today. It is a aporocactus flagiliformus.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Roland Thomas Smith II, 32, of Spotsylvania, Virginia Burglar forgot his USB hard drive Roland Smith, a 32 year old Virginia "man", was arrested Friday for stabbing his girlfriend after discovering her being with somebody else at an Econo Lodge motel. The 36-year-old victim, who told cops Smith stabbed her in the abdomen, was transported to a hospital for treatment of her wounds, according to a press release issued today by the Spotsylvania County Sheriff’s Office. Arrested at the scene, Smith “had blood on his hands and a knife was recovered from his person,” cops reported. As seen in the above mug shot, Smith appears to be something of a Latin enthusiast. He is now jailed without bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Danny K RE: free email Dear Webby, Can you recommed a good e-mail services. That works well with dial-up and firefox..that is free and have lots of on line storage.That has three or four gig's.Gmail does not work right with dial-up...hot-mail does not work right with firefox. Our new windstream ISP is a bunch of crap and will not let us get our mail.Have been on the phone three times for about a hour each.We don't want out-look express. Hope you can help us.Thanks for your help and I enjoy your humor letter. Danny K Dear Danny Gmail works fine with dial-up. People even use it with Air-Cards (cell phone modems). Gmail is the only company, who will donate that many Gigabytes of space to you. Everybody else will kick you out and tell you to go to hell, if you reach even ONE GigaByte. They are not in the business of donating storage space to you. Actually neither is Gmail, but they have enough paying customers, so that they can afford to do a bit of donating. I would recommend that you read the instructions at Gmail and set it up right. Then you can use it with your dial-up. You can download Eudora from http://webby.com/eudora Once you have installed it, let me know, and I will send you a registration code. Eudora works just fine with Gmail. You simply set your Gmail to POP, and then download the mail whenever you are online. Gmail has excellent tutorials for setting it up with Eudora, and Millions of people are using it. With Gmail and Eudora you can also use MailWasher and reduce the amount of mail you need to download. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM I use a heavy, old style, 6 cup Pyrex measuring cup 3/4 full of water for that. It is a lot less tippy than a can and utensils don't get dry or crusty sitting in water. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but "as***." (you can fill in the blank).
» Grave Addiction





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PayPal related scams / spams 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 15

From Walter: 
Dear Webby,
thanks for publishing the 'Find A Human' in your letter.
I had a problem with Comcast about unauthorized charges 
and could get nowhere with half a dozen people at Comcast 
with whom I spoke.

I then sent an email to the email address given in 'Find a Human' 
and had a friendly, helpful individual call me a day later and resolved 
the matter to my satisfaction.
Walter


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0756 Abd-al-Rahman I becomes emir of Cordova Spain 
1492 Cheese & Bread rebellion: German mercenaries kills 232 Alkmaarse
1536 Anna Boleyn & Lord Rochford accused of adultery/incest 
1618 Johannes Kepler discovers harmonics law
1718 James Puckle, a London lawyer, patents world's 1st machine gun 
1885 Canadian Méti insurgent Louis Riel captured, Saskatchewan
1902 Lyman Gilmore is 1st person to fly a powered craft
1902 Portugal bankrupt by revolt in Angola 
1905 Las Vegas NV founded
1926 British general strike ends, but mine workers go on strike
1928 Mickey Mouse made his 1st appearance 
1930 Ellen Church becomes 1st airline stewardess
1940 1st successful helicopter flight in US: Vought-Sikorsky US-300
1940 German armor division moves into Northern France 
1940 Nylon stockings go on sale for 1st time
1941 1st British turbojet flies
1943 Warsaw ghetto uprising ends, in it's destruction 
1944 14,000 Jews of Munkacs Hungary deported to Auschwitz
1948 28 year old British Mandate over Palestine ends
1951 AT&T becomes 1st corporation to have one million stockholders
1955 Vienna Treaty: Britain, France, US & USSR 
restores Austria's independence 
1958 USSR launches Sputnik III
1960 Sputnik 4 launched into Earth orbit; later recovery failed 
1960 Taxes took 25% of earnings in US 
1962 US marines arrive in Laos
1966 South Vietnamese army battle Buddhists, about 80 die
1970 Elizabeth Hoisington & Anna Mae Mays named 1st female 
US generals 
1971 Radio Nordsee International's pirate radio ship bombed
1988 Moscow begins withdrawing its 115,000 troops in Afghánistán
1991 President Bush takes Queen Elizabeth to Oakland A's-
Baltimore Oriole game 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. --- George Burns
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



One evening during a poker game, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the Navy, without having to go onto.the waiting list for women. "But, wait a minute," said one listener. "Your sister will have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" asked another poker player. The first man shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Sure. But who is gonna tell?"
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

Thanks to Orilla for this: As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later, when I called the company I was quite relieved that somebody had given the purse to the driver. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my purse, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse and we'd like to see just how you do it."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Sir Squirrel for alerting me to this Bonehead! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dallas Naljahih, 18, in Orem, Utah Burglar forgot his USB hard drive An 18-year-old Utah man was arrested on suspicion of burglary after police say he left his homework at the crime scene. Police in Orem say they tracked a USB drive found at the burglarized home to Dallas Naljahih. They say the computer hard drive contained his homework and was in a backpack abandoned in the backyard. A 75-year-old man and his wife reported their home had been burglarized early Saturday. The husband says he was woken up by a light in his office, and found a man who was looking through a desk. The suspect punched the man and fled on foot. Police say that Naljahih was found asleep at his house along with evidence connecting him with the burglary. The backpack also contained narcotics paraphenalia. More charges may be pending, for example assaulting a senior.
Tech Support Pits: From: Carl Re: PayPal related scams Dear Webby, I have read your column for years and appreciate all you do. I can't imagine the internet without you. I especially appreciated the article today about pay pal. I've used it for years on ebay and such. I might advise you to mention to your reader base though that pay pal is one of the spammers biggest targets (I'm sure you already know this). Hardly a day or week goes by that I do not receive a email from a really good look-a-like site advising me to log onto my pay pal account for some important information or such. It is very deceiving and worthy of mention..... Good day and good health to you my friend.... Carl Dear Carl I guess with MailWasher I lead a very sheltered life and don't see the crap and crud you poor people in the jungle are exposed to. With MailWasher you see the underlying actual links, and soon see the similarities in all that crap. As soon as you see any similarity or anything, that they have in common, you make a filter. From that moment on you just see that crap as part of the pie chart, that shows you what percentage of the nuked spam got nailed by which of your filters. Good for a gleeful grin, but nothing to worry about. Just like with spam about fake Rolaids watches or home-made Vagira with Vitamin K or whatever, you can set MailWasher to nuke all that stuff right on the server. Why download it, if you don't want to see it anyway? The first time making a filter is a bit scary, but what isn't scary the first time? After that, like most actions, that are initially a bit scary, it turns into fun and games, because it is really easy, and the effects are immediately noticeable. Dig the coins out of the couch and get MailWasher! Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened . . . Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and tired of him.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Inside of Tin Foil When Baking Before you cover your baking items with foil, spray the side of the foil that touches the food with non-stick cooking spray. No more sticking to the foil and no more ruining your pretty dish. By cschatz from Springville, AL The oil used in those grossly overpriced non-stick cooking sprays is not really healthy at all. You can accomplish the same by using an old Windex or similar trigger action spray bottle filled with some healthy olive oil. You will be surprised how long a refill lasts! And instead of buying a ridiculously expensive spray can, you just pour a few ounces of healthy olive oil into the spraybottle. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long." Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth." Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir." Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to." Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, it's a compass!" Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!" Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old." Caddy: "Your ball has been beat up and aropund for a long time, sir." Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Olga and Cherie had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Cherie glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
» Sea Hues





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Attatchment Politics 






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Is PayPal good for buyers ? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday,May 14

Thank you, Doug!

Spring has sprung, finally!
The raspberries agaisnt the south wall have little leaves
on them, and the Saskatoon bushes in the back have buds,
that will blossom probably within a week.
I mowed the front half, and probably will mow the back
tomorrow. Got to show the dandylions who is the boss!

The rhubarb has woken up and is growing almost fast enough
to watch it. I'll have rhubarb on my oatmeal in a few days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1264 Baron's War fought in England 
1607 1st permanent English settlement in New World, Jamestown VA 
1664 Turkish great Köprülü attacks 120,000 Donau soldiers 
1767 British government disbands Americans import duty on tea
1787 Delegates gather in Philadelphia to draw up US constitution 
1796 1st smallpox inoculation administered, by Edward Jenner
1804 Lewis & Clark set out from St Louis for the Pacific Coast 
1862 Adolphe Nicole of Switzerland patents the chronograph
1894 Fire in the Boston bleachers spreads to 170 adjoining buildings
1908 1st passenger flight in an airplane
1921 Florence Allen is 1st woman judge to sentence a man to death 
1932 "We Want Beer!" parade in New York
1940 Netherlands surrender to Germany 
1945 Kamikaze-Zero strikes US aircraft carrier Enterprise
1945 US offensive on Okinawa, Sugar Loaf conquered 
1948 Jordan's Arab League captures Atarot, north of Jerusalem
1948 PM David Ben-Gurion establishes State of Israel
1948 US grants Israel de facto recognition 
1955 Warsaw Pact is signed by the Soviet Union, Albania, Bulgaria, 
Czechoslovakia, East Germany, Hungary, Poland & Romania 
1969 Abortion & contraception legalized in Canada 
1969 Last Chevrolet Corvair built 
1973 Skylab launched, the 1st Space Station
1974 Symbionese Liberation Army destroyed in shoot-out, 6 killed
1976 Oil tanker Urqui Ola explodes off Spanish coast 
Since 1897: Ireland : Feis Ceoil music festival
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby "The spirit in which a thing is given determines how the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed." --- Seneca the Younger
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Here is a nice old classic: This happened about a month ago just outside of Willmar, a little town in the back country of Minnesota, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real. This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a nearby lake and he would surely drown! But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not just some drunk). About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

Keeping up with your children can send to you a psychologist. Trying to figure them out is a task that no one has conquered as this next joke shows. Little Johnny has been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though. Little Johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny. Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and yells "Oh boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"
Click on the picture for the large version Alaska Moonrise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Christina Beasley, 23, from Lumberton, North Carolina Charged With Attempting To Burn Down Boyfriend's House…. A Second Time Christina Beasley, a 23-year-old North Carolina woman was jailed for allegedly trying to burn down her boyfriend's house ....a second time. According to police, Beasley attempted to burn down her boyfriend's home after she had bailed out of jail for the exact same crime. Investigators say Beasley had been charged in December with second-degree arson and burning personal property after she allegedly tried to set her boyfriend's home on fire. The damage was estimated to be $10,000. When Beasley was released on bail, her boyfriend reportedly invited her to return to his home. On Tuesday, the boyfriend asked Beasley to leave his home following an argument. In retaliation, Beasley piled firewood up against the boyfriend's home and tried to ignite it. Beasley was booked into jail and charged with first-degree arson and injury to real property.
Tech Support Pits: From: Olive (not the other reindeer) Re: Is PayPal safe for buyers? Dear Webby, OK, so PayPal is the favorite tool of the Billionaire merchants, what about us poor buyers? What is the best deal for us? Thanks Olive (not the other reindeer) Dear Olive PayPal is definitely the best deal for buyers. The seller pays for the transaction. If you grow some spinach or herbs on your balcony, and sell that online, then you pay about 29 cents per transaction and 0.02% of the total. The buyer just pays whatever you specify for the price. You don't have to be a Billionaire or big merchant to use PayPal to accept payments. If you put the results of your spring cleaning onto eBay, like Millions of people do, then you can use PayPal to collect the money, before you actually ship anything. PayPal also includes excellent buyer protection. If whatever you buy is not what you expected, PayPal will get your money back. It is not instant. They check it out and that can take a few days, but normally, if there is a dispute, you get your money back in the same week. With that protection at the ready, the buyer can relax and click a payment for a purchase ot an invoice without any worry. You can set your PayPal to use money in it, for example from your herb sales, or to draw money from your bank account like a debit card does, or a combination of those methods. It is entirely up to you. Once it is set up, you can pay for invoices or purchases by just entering your password, no need to dig out the credit card and typo in that long number. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. Women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spice Up Your Coffee With Cinnamon Stick Give yourself a no-calorie treat by adding a drop of quality real vanilla to your coffee. A sprinkle of cinnamon powder or pumpkin pie spice can also be added for those wanting a spicier fare. Also, instead of buying chocolate coffee creamer, you can use plain chocolate syrup that you may already have in your fridge to your coffee along with a bit of cream. Another favorite of mine is to add a tablespoon of Tang to my coffee. This reminds me of the coffee served with orange zest I was once served at a fancy coffee bar back in the early 70's (before there was Starbucks). For an extra-special treat, turn your coffee into a dessert, by adding a squirt of whipped cream. A great way to use canned whipped cream left over from potlucks and family get-togethers. By Cyinda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Hiram lay breathing his last. He rose on one elbow and told the bedside gathering his last wishes, then began recounting financial matters. "Don't forget Samuel owes me $7,000." His wife, Miriam, said, "What a mind the man has, clear as a bell to the very end." "And I owe my partner Sid $210,000 for..." At that point, his wife cut in, "Pay no attention to the poor man's ravings, he's obviously out of his head."
» Sinkholes





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How safe is PayPal for sellers when compared to credit cards? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,May 13
Happy Mothersday!

Proof that Alaska is hoarding snow and maliciously lowering
the ocean levels in Florda and messing with Gullible Warming 
predictions:
May 12: Alyeska Closed Again for Avalanche Danger  
40” Past Few Days; 77” in May; 944” This Year
Alyeska

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1110 Crusaders march into Beirut causing a bloodbath
1568 Mary Queen of Scots is defeated by English 
1588 King Henri III flees Paris
1637 Cardinal Richelieu of France creates the table knife to 
reduce the number of fatal and messy arguments at his table
1654 Venetian fleet under Admiral Adeler beats Turkish 
1828 US passes Tariff of Abominations
1846 US declares war on México, 2 months after fighting begins
1913 1st 4 engine aircraft built & flown (Igor Sikorsky-Russia) 
1934 Great dustbowl storm
1940 British bomb factory at Breda blows up
1942 Helicopter makes its 1st cross-country flight 
1950 Diner's Club issues its 1st credit cards
1968 1,000,000 French demonstrate against De Gaulle & Pompidou
1991 South African activist Winnie Mandela convicted of abducting 4 blacks 
1992 3 astronauts simultaneous walked in space for the 1st time 
1997 Eddie Murray is 6th baseball player to play in 3,000 games
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The easiest way for your children to learn about money, is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $3 - $5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine",said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity are: 10. Chateau Traileur Parc 9. White Trashfindel 8. Big Red Gulp 7. World Championship Riesling 6. NASCARbernet 5. Chef Boyardeaux 4. Peanut Noir 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. Grape Expectations And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine: 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

Isaac and Aaron are in a bank when armed robbers break in. One robber rushes the teller windows, one guards the door and the third bank robber stands in the middle of the bank and yells, "Right! Everyone up against the wall and empty your pockets. We want valuables, watches and wallets." Aaron jams something into his buddy 's hand. "What's this?" asks his friend without looking down. "It's that $100 I owe you" answers his friend. ---------------- That reminds me of a raid on an opium den in Vancouver's Chinatown I witnessed in the early 70's. The cops had cordoned off the sidewalk and part of the street, so that anybody exiting the building had nowhere to go but into one of the four paddy-wagons with open doors on the other side of the street. Then one of them entered the building with a siren and a strobe light on an extension cord plugged into a portable genset. In short order a steady stream of elder Chinese men staggered out of the building, shading their eyes against the bright sunlight, and each of them passing hunks of dope to others, returning what they owed or had borrowed. Between the building exit and the paddy wagons most pieces of dope seemed to change ownership 4 - 5 times. It was hilarious to watch, and I wondered why they did not just drop the dope.
Click on the picture for the large version Alyeska, AK
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Artia Patrice Davis, 30 in Clearwater, Florida Teacher - Jailed After Police Discover Disabled Student In Her Bed Artia Patrice Davis, a 30-year-old teacher's aide at Hamilton Disston School was jailed after she was allegedly caught with a 16-year-old disabled student in her bed. According to police, an investigation was launched after receiving several reports that Davis was having an inappropriate relationship with an underage student. Officers had gone to the teacher's home to investigate further when they discovered the same 16-year-old student lying in her bed. The alleged relationship between Davis and the student began in November, 2011 and continued until May of this year. Davis was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged with unlawful sexual activity with a minor. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Davis was previously arrested in March of this year after she was allegedly caught driving on a suspended or revoked license. Davis was charged with a felony in the arrest because she has been designated a habitual offender.
Tech Support Pits: From: Craig Re: Is PayPal safe for sellers? Dear Webby, How safe is PayPal for sellers when compared to credit cards? Thanks Craig Dear Craig PayPal is perfecly safe, both for consumers and for merchants. If there is a dubious payment, they will just hold that payment while they investigate and confirm it. They won't block your entire account and hold ALL your money, like for example Card Services International does. Also PayPal's rates and fees compare very favorably. Credit card systems have not improved in the last twenty years, they just got a lot more expensive for merchants. It seems, every time you check, they have tacked on some other fee, and nowadays with credit card acceptance you have to budget about 5% or more for those miscellaneous fees and rates. With PayPal it seems to be the opposite. Their rates and fees remained stable, but every time you check, they have added some more features and goodies that make life easier for merchants, without raising their rates. To top it all off, you can now use PayPal to process credit card payments at the same low rates as regular PayPal payments. PayPal is very strict against gambling, porno or selling illegal drugs. If they catch you selling that, they saw off your account for good, and then you HAVE to use cedit cards. Nowadays, if a company does not accept PayPal, then quite possibly they have been caught doig something, that PayPal frowns on. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Dave for this one: When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby." Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents." "No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking." "So what do you say to the others?" I asked. "He looks just like you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Coupons In Card Sheet Protectors I was having a hard time keeping up with my coupons. So a friend of mine bought me a binder for my birthday, and I bought a pack of baseball card holder sleeves and a pack of dividers. Now I am so organized it's scary. My son says what is scary is that I actually know what coupons I have! It's a race to see how many I can use before they expire. I also have a steno pad where I write down for each store what I will use with a coupon. Source: Money Saving Mom By Paula from Weldon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very well built lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist up, and rolls the dice while bouncing up and down and whispering, "Momma needs clothes!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up the money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!"
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Using Linux to rescue a Windows machine from Norton malfunction 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,May 12

Thank you, Patricia!

Yesterday, in 1189 Emperor Frederik I Barbarossa & 100,000 
crusaders departed Regensburg in Bavaria, to walk all the way 
to Jerusalem, looting and killing all along the way there and 
back, to teach whoever was in charge in Jerusalem, about peace
and friendliness. The Christian way of doing jihad. I sure am
glad they got it out of their system and smartened up after that.

It is mindboggling, though, to imagine 100,000 armed barbarians
marching along, and the problems they must have had feeding 
that kind of army!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0254 St Stephan I replaces Lucius I as Catholic Pope 
1096 The Jews of Regensburg, who resisted forced conversion, were killed
1551 San Marcos University in Lima Peru, opens 
1733 Maria Theresa crowned queen of Bohemia in Prague
1777 1st ice cream advertisement (Philip Lenzi-New York Gazette) 
1792 Toilet that flushes itself at regular intervals is patented 
1835 Charles Darwin visits copper mines in North Chile
1885 Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebel against Canada 
1925 Uzbekistan & Kirgizistan become autonomous Soviet republics 
1928 Mussolini ends woman's rights in Italy
1928 Opium laws enforced in USA
1940 Nazi blitz conquest of France began by crossing Meuse River 
1942 1,500 Jews gassed in Auschwitz 
1943 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrives in US 
1944 900+ 8th Air Force bombers attack Zwikau, Bohlen & Brüx
1949 West begins Berlin Airlift to get supplies around Soviet blockade
1951 1st H Bomb test, on Enewetak Atol
1980 1st nonstop crossing of US via balloon (Maxie Anderson & son Chris) 
1997 Russia & Chechnya sign peace deal after 400 years of conflict 
1997 Susie Maroney, 22, of Australia, is 1st to swim from Cuba to Florida
1997 Tornado narrowly misses downtown Miami 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content. --- Louis L'Amour
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A son comes home from the Army. After a few hours, he finally gets to talk to his father alone behind the barn. "So, son, what did the Army teach you?" asked the father. "Well, they taught me how to kill people," said the son. "With what?" asked father. "We used all kinds of things, like guns and knives, but my favorite was the grenade," said the son. "What's a grenade?" asked the father. "Well, I brought one home to show you. You just pull this pin out and throw it as far as you can," said the son. The son proceeded to give a demonstration. Lo and behold, the son throws the grenade and it lands just twenty feet behind the outhouse. BOOM!!! The outhouse is demolished. All the lumber and everything else lands in a heap in the yard. Grandpa sticks his head out of the pile and says, 'Whew, glad I didn't let that one loose in the house!"'
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.
Click on the picture for the large version Hanging On!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kamil Mezalka, 21, Perp tried to destroy child porno on his computer by stabbing computer with sword. MAY 10--In an apparent attempt to destroy evidence, a Florida man stabbed his computer with a samurai sword as FBI agents raided his home in connection with a child pornography probe, according to court records. When federal investigators arrived early Tuesday at the Palm Coast residence of Kamil Mezalka, 21, nobody answered their “knock and announcement.” So agents “executed a mechanical breach of the door” and stormed the home. As recounted in an affidavit, Mezalka emerged from his second- floor bedroom, spotted the federal interlopers, and returned to his room and closed the door. After Mezalka ignored demands to exit the bedroom, agents entered the chamber, where they spotted him “standing in his underwear, holding a two-handed samurai sword which he had stabbed into the side of a desktop computer.” Mezalka ignored directions to drop the sword. When Mezalka began to remove the sword from the computer, agents pounced on him to “eliminate any potential danger.” Agents had secured a search warrant for Mezalka’s residence after an undercover FBI agent recently downloaded illicit images and videos from Mezalka’s computer via a peer-to-peer file sharing service. During an interview with FBI agents, Mezalka admitted “having a file sharing program on his computer which he used to download pornography, including child pornography.” Mezalka, who used the online handle “Wolfcarven,” reportedly told investigators that he was “attracted to teenage girls 13 to 18 years in age.” He also admitted that it was “possible” he downloaded pornographic images of girls younger than 13, MacDonald reported. An FBI forensic examiner who reviewed the hard drive of Mezalka’s desktop computer--which survived the samurai sword stabbing--discovered hundreds of files depicting “the sexual abuse of children,” according to MacDonald. Charged with possession of child pornography, Mezalka is currently locked up in advance of a detention hearing Friday in U.S. District Court in Jacksonville
Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: Windows machine saved via linux Bless you, Dear Webby . . . for pointing me to that Norton Removal Tool! My son inherited a poorly maintained/protected Dell Dimensions XP computer awhile back and it soon got into an unbootable state with the installed Norton software continuously shutting down Windows "for it's own good." Unable to get around it in any other way, I booted the machine from a Ubuntu Linux CD and trashed what I could of the Norton software by brute force (i.e. dragging it to the trash). After that I was able to boot into Windows and deal with all the malware and registry errors. The system operated for a couple of weeks before once again giving us the Blue Screen of Death and refusing to boot. This time I was unable to mount the HDD using the Linux workaround and was really stuck. At last it was the Ultimate Boot CD v5.1.1 that saved my bacon when I ran ViVard v0.4, Viva Surface Test with Remapping. That repaired the bad block and enabled Windows XP to boot. This is now my third day of running repeated virus and malware scans using AVG, Malwarebytes, and Housecall from TrendMicro. AVG initially found 2 viruses, then Malwarebytes found 2 more viruses and 416 other threats(!), and finally Housecall removed yet one more hacker threat the other two scanners had missed. With all three scanners now showing negative results for malware infections, I then used the Norton Removal Tool and cleaned up a boat load of crap left behind in my previous attempts to uninstall Norton! Just thought you might like to reference Ultimate Boot CD and Malwarebytes in your great bag o' tricks. And thanks again for your trustworthy tech tips. I like getting that information in small doses amid the fun stuff! DJ Dear DJ Thanks for the info! Yes, Norton does occasionally fail to protect machines and instead gets carried away marking spots on the hard drive as bad to hide itself in there. That is one of the reasons I carry that Norton Removal Tool in my Tool Box. I have heard about the Ultimate Boot CD. If anybody wants to build one, check it out at http://www.ubcd4win.com/ A word of caution: You will need to read a bunch of instructions! Building the Ultimate Boot CD requires an XP Setup CD with SP1 or SP2, and following detailed instructions. The Linux version is simple by comparison, but requires some familiarity with Linux. The Linux Ultimate Boot CD is at http://www.ultimatebootcd.com/ A Boot CD is not something, that you can just download. You have to BUILD an ISO image of the CD, and then use an ISO burner program (also in my tool box) to burn the image onto a CD. The same ISO burner program is also used to make bootable Linux "Live CDs" for trying different flavors of Linux, and booting into them from CD, without killing Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Stephanie forthis one: Like most babies, mine is not finicky about what he puts in his mouth. He Eats anything. But the day he swallowed a quarter, I panicked and called the doctor. "What should I do?" I pleaded over the phone. My extremely laid-back doctor answered calmly, "Swallowing a quarter is nothing to worry about. But if he does it again and a can of pop shoots out of his rear, give me a call."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Vinyl Records To clean the grooves of old records, dip a shaving brush in a mixture of equal parts distilled water and triple distilled vodka. Brush the mixture into the grooves of the record and dry with a tack cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to judy for this story: Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men said that would cost an additional $45 service fee, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $55.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
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When to vote 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday,May 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you, Robert!

I woke up to a blizzard again, and 3 inches of fresh snow.
The blizzard left and by 9 am the sky was clear. It was so
bright out with the May sun on the fresh snow, that it hurt
my eyes. However,the hike up to the hospital and back was 
quite enjoyable.

I read an interesting article, that tried to explain why Alaska
and Canada had a record cold winter, and why Alaska and
the arctic ocean got more ice than normal, with the Bering 
still choked up with ice, while the lower 48 states had a 
warm and short winter. They claimed that the big North was
under thousands of years old cyclical effects, whereas the
comparatively small South was showing the effects of 
man-made gullible warming, and that the lower ocean levels
in Florida are due to the Alaskans and Canadians hogging
all the ice.

I guess you got to be a believer for it to make sense to you.
It is still amusing, though.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1189 Emperor Frederik I Barbarossa & 100,000 crusaders depart Regensburg
1330 Constantinople (Istanbul) becomes new capital 
 for Eastern Roman Empire 
1421 Jews are expelled from Styria
1751 1st US hospital founded (Pennsylvania Hospital)
1752 1st US fire insurance policy issued (Philadelphia) 
1792 Columbia River discovered & named by US Captain Robert Gray 
1812 Waltz introduced into English ballrooms - Most observers 
consider it disgusting & immoral. No wonder it caught on! 
1814 Americans defeat British at Battle of Plattsburgh 
1818 Cincinnati Reds Hod Eller no-hits St Louis Cardinals, 6-0
1833 "Lady-of-the-Lake" strikes iceberg & sinks in N Atlantic; kills 215 
1850 Work starts on 1st brick building in San Fransisco 
1916 Einstein's Theory of General Relativity presented 
1921 Tel Aviv is 1st all Jewish municipality 
1928 General Electric opens 1st TV-station (Schenectady NY)
1929 1st regularly scheduled TV broadcasts (3 nights per week)
1931 Credit-Anstalt, Austria's largest bank, fails 
beginning financial collapse of Central Europe 
1942 Japanese troops conquer Kalewa 
1943 US 7th division lands on Attu, Aleutian
1947 BF Goodrich manufactures 1st tubeless tire, Akron OH 
1949 1st Polaroid camera sold $89.95 (NYC)
1951 Jay Forrester patents computer core memory
1955 Israel attacks Gaza 
1962 US sends troops to Thailand 
1967 100,000,000th US phone connected 
1978 Margaret A Brewer is 1st female general in the US Marine Corps 
1987 1st heart-lung transplant take place (Baltimore) 
1989 President Bush orders nearly 2,000 troops to Panamá 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." --- E. B. White "With 60 staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and a definite hardening of the paragraphs." --- James Thurber "I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid." --- P. J. O'Rourke
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



"NEXT," the conference emcee announced, "we have the Chief of the State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is here with his lovely wife, Beverly." The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, *Audrey*, and try to explain Beverly to her!"
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andres Martinez, 24, Man led police on low-speed chase while rolling a joint HOUSTON (UPI) -- Houston police said they arrested an intoxicated man accused of leading officers on a low-speed chase and attempting to run over an officer. Police said Andres Martinez, 24, led police on a 20-minute low-speed chase Sunday morning on the Gulf Freeway and swerved his car in an alleged attempt to hit an officer who was laying down a spike strip in the road, KHOU-TV, Houston, reported Monday. The officer jumped out of the way of the vehicle and was not harmed, police said. Martinez told officers after his arrest he was not trying to strike the officer and his car swerved because he was trying to roll a joint while calling his "peeps" to tell them about his impending arrest. Martinez appeared in court Monday on charges of evading arrest and attempted intoxication assault. Prosecutors had sought an attempted murder charge, but the judge said there was not enough probable cause to support the count. Martinez has a long rap sheet that includes several drug charges and assault on a family member.
Tech Support Pits: From: Nellie Re: Voting Dear Webby, Good Luck with your test. I know you miss that cookie every two hours. Ordered ink from the site on your page. It has arrived and I am so pleased. Where do you get all your beautiful pictures? Should I vote everyday? Enjoy your Site. South, USA Nellie Dear Nellie The nurse had problems drawing blood, so she got a different nurse, who wasn't buttoned up quite so close to the chin. No problem at all after she bent low over my hand. She reminded me of a nurse in Switzerland. At one place I worked there, once a month everybody hiked a mile up to the hospital and donated blood. I had to lie down on a cot and some cute nurse came by, started the needle in my arm, and while her right boob was only an inch from my open palm, said "Squeeze!" So I did. She was a bit startled, but did not pull away, and after a few seconds even grinned. If she was here, I'd still donate a Liter of blood every month! Re the voting: It looks like they got it fixed. Yes, please vote every day! Each newsletter competes every day, and more important yet, I check the number of votes and enter them into a graph. That tells me whether I delivered what you wanted, or whether I missed. Good for you re the ink! I have used Atlantic Inkjet.com ink for about a dozen years and been quite satisfied with them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Cookie for this one: I do have the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project. And yes I tackle almost all of them. For example, in my garage are pieces of a lawnmower I once tried to fix. A couple of my neighbors were walking by my house, and found me in the garage attacking my vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate,"I explained when I saw them. Joyce suggested, "Why don't you drag it over to the other side of the garage and show it what you did to the lawnmower?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Color I have four kids in my house. To make things easier, each kid has their own color (green, blue, red, pink/yellow). we have three boys and a girl. Most things come in green, blue, red, and yellow like plates, bowls, cups, tooth brushes, etc. Our only girl likes the color pink, but most of the time I can't find pink so I get her yellow. That is why her color is pink/yellow. The main reason for the color system was when the kids were done eating dinner they all wanted dessert. The rule is "you have to finish what is on your plate to get dessert". There was always one plate that was left with food still on it, but each kid said, "That's not my plate! I ate all mine!" I never knew whose it was, but with the color system, NOW I know. These days, everything in our house comes in colors. By runningonempty1971 from Columbus, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this: Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?" My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
SINGLE BLONDE FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 123-4567 and ask for Dixie." Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Local Humane Society, about a 4 months old Yellow Lab pup.
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Pinhead Of The Day 

Man Attempts A Robbery At A Police Station


WILMER, Texas (UPI) -- A man remains in a Texas jail after allegedly attempting to hold up a police station, a report said.

Police said Keithan Manuel, 18, entered the Police Department building in Wilmer, Texas, near Dallas, Saturday evening with a towel covering his hands and a demand for money.

"A young man walked into the lobby and approached the dispatch window and told our communications officer, 'Give me all your money,'" is how Police Chief Victor Kemp described the incident.

Manuel did not have a weapon, but dispatcher Patrice Hughey said Manuel told her, "You know I have a gun, right?"

"She called for officers immediately. The officers arrived and were able to take him down at gunpoint," Kemp said.

Manuel, in Dallas County Jail on several charges, including burglary, claims he visited the police station seeking information on a warrant, and was joking about the holdup, telling KTVT-TV, Dallas-Fort Worth, "I play like that all the time. I didn't think she would take it seriously."

"You hear of those world's dumbest criminals every once in a while but you never think it's going to happen in your city," Kemp said.




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Remember These? 

Age Barometer


Total the number of these that you remember:

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with levers
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers


If you remembered 0-5 You're still young.

If you remembered 6-10 You are getting older.

If you remembered 11-15 Don't tell your age.

If you remembered 16-25 You're older than dirt!.



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Personal Information Managers 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday,May 10

Today I have to go for one of those blood tests, where you 
have to fast before it. That seems funny to me. I used to
be quite casual about eating and frequently skipped a meal
or two. Then with diabetes, and fighting it, I was told to
not only eat regularly, but to ensure I ate at least a plain 
oat meal cookie or something every two hours. OK, so I
got used to that. And now I am supposed to revert to my
old wicked ways?

It's not a big deal, just seems funny.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1267 Vienna's church orders all Jews to wear a distinctive garb
1278 Jews of England imprisoned on charges of coining 
1427 Jews are expelled from Berne Switzerland
1497 Italian navigator Amerigo Vespucci leaves for 
1st voyage to New World
1503 Columbus discovers Cayman Islands 
1534 French navigator Jacques Cartier reaches Newfoundland 
1655 Jamaica captured by English
1752 Benjamin Franklins 1st tests the lightning rod 
1797 1st Navy ship, the "United States" is launched 
1823 1st steamboat to navigate the Mississippi River arrives 
at Fort Snelling
1908 1st Mother's Day observed (Philadelphia) 
1910 1st aircraft air display held (Hendon, England) 
1933 Paraguay declares war on Bolivia 
1940 French troops arrive in Zealand/Brabant Netherlands
1940 Nazi armies invade the Benelux countries of Netherlands, 
Belgium & Luxembourg 
1941 Adolf Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess parachutes into Scotland 
1941 England's House of Commons & Holborn Theater 
destroyed in a blitz 
1944 Chinese offensive in West-Yunnan 
1945 Allies capture Rangoon from the Japanese 
1945 A week after Germany surrendered, Russian troops 
occupy Prague 
1948 1st attack by Egyptian irregular forces at Kfar Darom Israel 
1959 Soviet forces arrive in Afghanistan 
1960 US atomic sub USS Triton completes 1st circumnavigation 
of globe under water
1968 Vietnam peace talks began in Paris between the US & 
North Vietnam 
1969 Apollo 10 transmit 1st color pictures of Earth from space 
1969 US troops begin attack on Hill 937/Hamburger Hill 
1994 Nelson Mandela sworn in as South Africa's 1st 
black president 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckkon us with beepers and billboards." --- William Arthur Ward
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



From Andy: I went to the bar the other night and told the 'keep, "A glass of your finest Less, please." "'Less'? Never heard of it," he said. "C'mon, surely you have." "No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?" "I'm not sure," I replied. "It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should 'drink Less.'"
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

My cousin, the first year he was a practicing attorney, drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death. When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office. "Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to go first?"
Click on the picture for the large version Irresistible
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Motorist, 12, Busted For Wild Pizza Joy Ride MAY 4--A 12-year-old Indiana boy was arrested last night after he allegedly stole $20 from a neighbor, took his mother’s Ford Taurus, and went on a pizza run to Little Caesars with two younger children in the vehicle, police report. The child was collared after leading cops on a chase that included him striking another vehicle, an accident that left his passengers--a girl, 6, and her brother, 7--with minor injuries. The driver told officers that he knew police “were attempting to stop him, but did not stop because he was afraid.” The boy, whose name was redacted from a Beech Grove Police Department report, was booked last night on a variety of criminal charges and placed into a juvenile detention facility. According to investigators, the boy said that he took his mother’s car keys and first drove to an Indianapolis park to show his young passengers “where he plays baseball.” While there, a witness spotted the boy driving and called 911. However, Indianapolis cops were unable to locate the child. From there, the boy drove about three miles to Little Caesars, where he bought a pizza “using a $20 bill which he had stolen from a neighbor.” A witness, Melynda Golden, called cops when she spotted the boy drive away with “two younger children in the vehicle, but no adults.” Golden, 45, told police that she had earlier encountered the boy inside the pet shop where she works. Golden asked the child if he was with a parent, “to which the boy responded ‘no.’” When Golden saw the boy drive away from Little Caesars, she “attempted to block his escape with her own vehicle,” but he “drove over the business sidewalk to evade her.” Golden, who called police while following the Taurus, reported that the boy’s young passengers were “un-buckled and were being jostled about the car.” A Beech Grove cop eventually joined the pursuit as the boy weaved around cars, drove on the road’s shoulder, and struck a Jeep at an intersection (which left the Taurus leaking coolant). As officers prepared to use “stop sticks” to slow the boy down, he ran into traffic, allowing a cop to block the Taurus and take the child into custody. Medics were summoned to treat the three children for injuries suffered during the chase (the girl had a “large contusion to her forehead”). Jessica Strode, the mother of the two passengers, told police that she believed her children were being watched by Kimberly Terry, the mother of the 12-year-old driver. Terry, however, said that she was unaware that the younger children had even been at her home. The underage motorist told police that he had gone to Little Caesars because “the other children were hungry.”
Tech Support Pits: From: Erika Re: PIM Personal Information manager Dear Webby, Is there a PIM for use on a desktop and laptop computer that you can recommend? All the ones I have tried so far are klunky and awkward, and often expensive. Erika Dear Erika They are all klunky and awkward.. Especially until you get used to one. Don't expect a PIM to be a total solution, unless you make it yourself. I find a spreadsheet like Quattro or Excel comes closest to an ideal PIM. Prioritizing is a snap, you have layers for in-depth recording and details, inside and outside links are easy, and you have total flexibility. The drawback is that you have to be reasonably comfortable with spreadsheets. Second best is PlanPlus from FranklinCovey. It's basically just the good old Franklin Planner brought onto the computer. Like the Franklin Planner, it is based on Benjamin Franklins concept of prioritizing instead of focusing on time, like the DayTimers. It handles prioritizing smoothly, allows drag-and-drop rescheduling, and all the other stuff that lesser PIMs and PDAs have. It also synchronizes with Palm OS handhelds. The drawback is it's price, normally around $100, but occasionally discounted. If I was to buy one, instead of using spreadsheets, that one might be my choice. (If my. budget allowed it) If you want a free or cheap PIM, ArtPlus has EasyNoter for free at http://www.artplus.hr/adapps/eng/downloads.htm It's definitely a lightweight, but surprisingly good for a it's price. It has thoughtful touches like a link to the HungerSite on it's cover, a smoothly working photo-album that you can use for storing screenshots of maps or diagrams. Drawback is that prioritizing and rescheduling is rather awkward. Scheduled but not completed items tend to scroll out of the visible range, if you aren't watching for them and re-schedule them. However, other than that, it is quite good and beats many $50 PIMs. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Rodney and Bill were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. Bill said, "My wife thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." Not to be out done, Rodney said, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." Confused Bill asked, "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Books From The Library I am an avid reader, and would haunt book stores and buy a minimum 3 or 4 books a month. Then I started frequenting thrift stores and would come home with 10 or 12 at a time. I would donate my used books to a local senior center thrift store. Then I realized the library was across the street from the senior center thrift store and membership is free. Now I can read my favorite author from the first book to the most recent in order, and if the library doesn't have one of the books, they can get it from another library for me. Also, the library has subscriptions to many of the magazines I read, so I no longer subscribe to them. Sometimes I just go and spend a few hours reading the magazines at the library. Once in a while, I do find something I want to add to my personal library, however, all of this has saved me a lot of money in a year. By Dakota from CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A CHILD'S PERSPECTIVE ON ADULT BEHAVIOR HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. --Camille,age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. It just leads to fighting and kids. --Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, depending on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. --Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. --Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. --Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a garbage truck. -- Katrina, age 10 Take the garbage out to the curb at night, so that the morning does not start with a fight. -- Peter, age 7 I would build a treehouse for the kids, as far away as possible, for some peace and quiet when I want to cuddle up with my wife on the couch. -- Thomas, age 8 The husband should not start laughing every time the smoke detector goes off in the kitchen and make the wife mad for the rest of the day. -- Barbie If the daddy brings home some flowers, even if they are the weird ones from the cemetery, then the mom forgets what she was going to argue about and they smile and smooch instead. -- Holly
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a town to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
» Beer Can House





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Blacklist or filters? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday,May 9

I went to Walmart to buy a battery for my phone. Just a
regular, cheap portable phone, that I had bought at Walmart
a few years ago.

"Oh, we don't sell batteries for the phones we sell. Otherwise
people just buy batteries instead of new phones."
Now I am looking for a store, where they are not quite that 
sleazy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1502 Columbus left Spain on his 4th & final trip to New World 
1519 Austrian uprising against central government 
1788 English parliament accepts abolishing of slave trade
1896 1st horseless carriage show in London (featured 10 models) 
1899 Lawn mower patented
1914 President Wilson proclaims Mother's Day 
1944 Country singer Jimmie Davis becomes Governor of Louisiana 
1945 Week after end of WWII Czechoslovakia liberated from Nazi 
occupation (National Day)
1945 Jersey liberated from Nazis 
1949 Prince Rainier III becomes leader of Monaco 
1960 US is 1st country to use the birth control pill legally 
1970 100,000s demonstrate against Vietnam War 
1989 Vice President Dan Quayle says in United Negro College Fund 
speech: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind" instead of
 "a mind is terrible thing to waste" 
1997 1st US ambassador since Saigon fell arrives in Vietnam 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A small town is someplace where everybody knows whose whiskey is good, and whose wife isn't. --- Socratex The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. --- Herbert Agar
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



> Thanks to Mona for this: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

PRAYERS AROUND THE ZODIAC ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience ... and could you do it right now? TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change, but let's do it my way. GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God? CANCER: Dear God!!! Why me? LEO: Yes? Hello God...are you listening to me? VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time. LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best? SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the low-life scum don't deserve it! SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating. CAPRICORN: Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else! AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!! PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory.
Thanks to Cheryl for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hi Webby, This is the "super moon" Santa Cruz California style. Best Regards, Cheryl
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jami Toler, 27 in Phoenix, Arizona Charged With Pretending To Have Cancer To Raise Money For Breast Implants Jami Toler, a 27-year-old Phoenix woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly faked having cancer to raise money for breast implants. According to Mesa Police, in August of 2011, Toler told her co-workers at Hallmark Hospice that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and that she needed a double-mastectomy. She also stated that she would need to have her breasts augmented, and that she was unable to come up with the money needed for the surgeries. Toler asked her co-workers and family members to raise money for her medical expenses, so they held fund-raisers and deposited $8,000 to an account opened by Toler. In November, Toler used most of the money to pay for breast implants, but did not receive any treatment for her alleged breast cancer. Investigators say co-workers became suspicious when Toler missed work and was unable to provide a doctor's note when she returned from medical leave. Detectives looked at her medical records and was unable to find any indication that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer or received cancer treatment of any kind. After being exposed as a fraud, Toler quit her job and began working at a car dealership, where she was apprehended. Toler was booked into the Maricopa County Jail on felony fraud and theft charges. She was released and ordered to wear an ankle monitor. She was also told not to contact the 17 co-workers she lied to.
Tech Support Pits: From: Terry Re: Blacklist or filters? Dear Webby, What is better for controlling spam, blacklisting, or filters? Terry Dear Terry Whenever you spot a pattern, make a filter. Filters are permanent. Your blacklist grows large and unwieldy very quickly, but is usually quite useless, since spammers never re-use the same forged sending address anyway, except for your own address. The only difference you'll notice when you dump your blacklist, is that the program works faster. Filters can work on the body of the email, not just on the usually forged sender address, and they do that, no matter how misleading the subject line is. Have FUN! DearWebby
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THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW 1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi 2. 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond 5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Bottle With Diluted Dish Soap To save on dish soap, fill a spray bottle one-quarter full of soap and top it off with water, give the mixture a good shake to mix well, and close the bottle. Spraying this on dishes cuts grease and saves a little money. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO That is a fast way to find out, which dish soaps have already been diluted and relabled. A quart of Simple Green Automotive makes 60 quarts of quite powerful dishsoap, and has a fresh mint smell. Non-toxic. I have used it for decades. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Dave for this one: I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact). I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child. My fears were alleviated though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Do it again, Daddy!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Annie for this story: While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to mine." And I held out my hand to show her. Each ring had three birthstones. "You have three children too?" I asked. "Well, no," the woman replied. "When my daughter picked this out for me, she liked the rings with three settings the best. So I have birthstones for two daughters, and this one," she said while pointing to the center gem, "is for the dog."
» Wetlands





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Things I Learned In College  

Golf Ball + Tennis Racquet + Indoor Hallway = Awesome!

No toilet paper, no paper towels... got coffee filters?

You can make pizza with Bisquick and spaghetti.

You can make a screwdriver with Gatorade. It will not be very good.

It is possible to snort instant coffee. It is not a good idea.

If you get stoned and stare at the TV for hours people will make fun of you if it's not turned on.

A crossbow bolt will go completely through drywall.

How to patch drywall.

Yes, there are mermaids in Weeki Wachee Springs, but you cannot get there by canoe.

If you're going to jump the fence to get into Busch Gardens, you should know where they keep the lions.

"Kinda" good at nunchucks is not good enough to avoid serious head injury.

Threatening someone with a hammer just one time will forever earn you the nickname "Thor".

It is possible to steal furniture from the study lounge if you wear a mask and cape.

The value of study lounge furniture is highly overstated on police reports.

If you have access to three sets of identical twins, you can make someone think they've gone crazy.

You can survive a week on a loaf of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.

Uncooked lime jello can be used as a popcorn seasoning.

It doesn't matter how much tequila you've had, you cannot catch a duck.



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How to completely get rid of Norton? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday,May 8

Here is the latest re Atlantic Inkjet.com and the webby coupon:
Use the webby coupon to get these discounts at Atlantic Inkjet.com 
20% off refills, (just toner/ink and chip)
15% off compatible cartridges, (no-name-brand cartridges)
10% off remanufactured cartridges, (refilled name brand cartridges) 
and there is 0% on original brand (OEM) for example HP brand

Avoid shipping plastic back and forth, 
when all you need is ink or toner!

Shipping is free on orders over $50 (US) or $60 (Canada)
------------------

I received a letter from the bank about an agent accidentally
opening my Safe Deposit Box and that i needed to supply
a signature for a new card. Naturally, I was rather concerned
about that, not because there is anything big in there, but 
just the concept! The fuss they make, pretending that there 
is no spare key and that one has to pay for drilling it open
if one loses a key, and so on.

So I went to the bank, prepared to raise a major fuss.
It turned out that with "agent opened your box by mistake.."
they actually meant that they had screwed up, when they
set up my box account twelve years ago, and that the little x
indicating where I should sign and my signature was in 
the wrong slot. And that they were too dense to draw
a widdle arrow indicating, that the signature actually 
belonged in the line above.

So instead of a bunch of yelling and screaming, I quietly
told her that when it comes to boxes, they should use the
term "set up" for setting up an account, not "open".
She almost understood that, I think. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1429 French troops under Joan of Arc rescues Orléans 
1541 Hernando de Soto discovers Mississippi River 
1792 British Captain George Vancouver sights, names Mount Rainier WA 
1792 US establishes military draft
1794 US Post Office established 
1847 Robert Thompson patents rubber tire
1885 Sarah Ann Henley survives 76-meter (250') jump from 
Clifton Bridge, Avon, England 
1886 Atlanta pharmacist (Jacob's Pharmacy) Dr John Styth 
Pemberton invents Coca Cola (contained cocaine) 
1895 China cedes Taiwan to Japan under Treaty of Shimonoseki 
1942 Battle of Coral Sea ends; Aircraft carrier Lexington sunk by 
Japanese air attack 
1944 1st eye bank opens (NYC) 
1945 V-E Day; Germany signs unconditional surrender
1945 Chinese counter attack at Tsjangte, supports by 14th air fleet 
1950 Chiang Kai-shek asks US for weapons 
1952 Mad Magazine debuts
1960 USSR & Cuba resume diplomatic relations
1961 1st practical sea water conversion plant-Freeport TX 
1963 JFK offers Israel assistance against aggression
1967 Muhammad Ali is indicted for refusing induction in US Army
1970 Construction workers break up an anti-war rally in 
NYC's Wall Street 
1971 Joe Frazier beats Muhammad Ali at Madison Square Garden 
1979 Radio Shack releases TRSDOS 2.3 
1993 16 year old Keron Thomas disguises himself as a motorman 
& takes NYC subway train & 2,000 passengers on a 3 hour ride 
1994 President Clinton announces US will no longer 
repatriate boat people
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. --- Robert Frost A small town is someplace where everybody knows whose whiskey is good, and whose wife isn't. --- Socratex
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the Captain is aboard before getting under way."
Need to cure Registry Problems? With Windows 7 that is even more important. Get RegCure

The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for commiting this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Dalarna, Sweden
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mistie Atkinson, 32, in Napa, California Sexual Relationship With 16-Year-Old Biological Son Mistie Atkinson, a 32-year-old California woman was jailed after she engaged in a sexual relationship with her 16-year- old biological son, whom she had, when SHE was 16. According to Napa police, Atkinson was arrested after police found her and her 16-year-old son in a motel room in Ukiah, California. Investigators say Atkinson, who has no custody rights to the boy, began sending nude photographs of herself to him some time after December, 22, 2011. The two reportedly exchanged sexually explicit messages and discussed the idea of running away together. Detectives also discovered videos on the boy's cell phone that showed Atkinson performing oral sex on the boy and engaging in sexual intercourse with him. "Atkinson and the victim are aware they are biological mother and son," investigators wrote in an arrest affidavit. The boy's father, who has sole custody, has obtained a restraining order against Atkinson, according to court records. Atkinson was booked into the Napa County Jail and charged with incest, oral copulation of a minor, contact with a minor for a sexual offense and sending harmful matter to a minor. Her bail was set at $200,000 and her next court appearance has been scheduled for May 10.
Tech Support Pits: From: Isac Re: Get rid of Norton Dear Webby, How do I completely get rid of Norton? It is much more hassle than it is worth. It was on this computer, when I bought it, and I should have known better than to activate the free trial. Is this machine now forever possessed with Norton, or do you know of a way to exorcise it? Just uninstalling leaves parts of it hidden and active. Thanks Isac Dear Isac I used to be a fan of Norton until they started marking good areas of the hard drive as bad and hiding stuff in there. At about the same time they spent Millions advertising that it takes Norton to make Windows 98 complete. Somebody at Microsoft seems to have been irked by that, and after that Norton did not quite mesh with Windows like it did before. What is also irksome is that normal UNinstall methods are not quite sufficient for getting rid of it. I have a Norton Remover in my Tool Box. It is quaite a ways down, just above the IE7 and IE8 blockers. You might find all kinds of useful goodies there. For example Launchy It lets you launch programs with a key or two, as if you were on UNIX. Hit ALT and SPACEbar, and type the first letter of the program you want, and it launches it. If there are more than one starting with the same letter, it shows you a list. You use the UP/Down arrow to highlight the one you want, and hit ENTER. Launchy is also a really handy calculator with horizontally scrolling "tape". You see all the entries and can correct them. Hit ESC and it is gone. Hit ALT and SPACEbar, and it shows you the last calculation again. And it is FREE! The downside is that there are a bazillion free "skins" available, and you can easily waste an evening browsing for the one, that is perfect for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tape Recipes Inside Cabinet Doors For years, I have taped my favorite recipes inside my cupboard doors. I know exactly which door to open to make my zucchini soup or my favorite party punch. This is normally wasted space and the insides of the doors are covered! I also include handy tips, substitutions - almost anything I am bound to forget. I doubt myself too often not to have the recipe right in front of me. It's also handy for grocery shopping. If I want to make something special, I just glance at the recipe while making out my list so that I don't forget a needed ingredient. This saves time by not digging through my recipe boxes or any cookbooks. By omato3g1b from San Antonio, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Rosie My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME QUACK WHO DID YOURS."
» Wetlands





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