Email not getting through 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 24.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thursday it snowed. By mid-afternoon we had 10 cm (4").
Then the wind shifted and the snowing turned into an icy rain.
The temperature rose, though, and by 8:30 it was 3 -4 degrees 
above freezing, and the rain washed most of the snow away in
a big hurry.

I really don't like horizontal rain on my glasses, so I dug 
out the umbrella, that I had bought years ago at the Dollar 
Store. Here it's not like Vancouver, where every store and
restaurant has a pile of forgotten umbrellas and gladly give
you some. "Are you sure you only left one? We got TONS!"

Actually, I have not been in Vancouver for many years, and 
don't know if things are still the same.

So i went for a walk with my totally untried Dollar Store
umbrella and was pleasantly surprised. It handled the rain 
and wind without any problems. 

The smooth grip, though, has no class. I intend to change 
that with either hockey tape or vulcanizing tape, whichever
I find first in the garage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it." When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it." "You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off. I forgot where I am supposed to be going today!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

Thanks to Matt for bringing back this classinc: HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one. Bryan invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Bryan's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Bryan's roommate, Jessica, was. Bryan's mother had long been suspicious of a relationship between Bryan and Jessica, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mother started to wonder if there was more between Bryan and Jessica than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bryan volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jessica and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jessica came to Bryan saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Bryan said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Bryan Several days later, Bryan received an email from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jessica, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jessica. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Taylor Powers, 21, Colorado Rescued Off Colorado Mountain After Getting High On Mushrooms, Stripping Off Her Clothes Reported by The Smoking Gun Taylor Powers. The college student, 21, had to be rescued yesterday afternoon off a Colorado mountain after she ingested mushrooms, stripped off her clothes, and scuffled with two male classmates, with whom she had been hiking. After receiving a 911 call that a female hiker was “high on mushrooms and in distress,” Boulder County Sheriff’s Office deputies and other assorted rescue personnel (35 in total) responded to Chautauqua Park. Powers, seen above, was located by a park ranger right where they had told him they were. He discovered that the University of Colorado undergrad had “removed all of her clothing and was being restrained” by two male companions. Rescuers had to handcuff the unruly Powers, who struggled as she was placed in a rescue basket. Cited for unlawful consumption of a controlled substance, Powers was transported to a Boulder hospital, where she was treated and released last night. “Further charges are pending against others involved,” deputies reported. I wonder if the bonehead award should really go to the two clowns, who could not cope with her freaking out, a common occurrence with mushrooms, or whoever decided to send 35 "Rescuers" to pick up one stoned hippie girl at a known location. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Mail not getting through Dear Webby I am sending this from a friend's computer, because mail from my computer does not seem to get through to anybody. What could be the cause of that? My regualr address is alicer@... Alice Dear Alice The reason your mail is blocked by everybody is because you use an autoresponder. That makes you look like a silly moron and a nuisance, and your address gets blacklisted. Most spam control programs recognize autoresponders, automatically dump mails from them and blacklist that address. Get rid of that dumb autoresponder and change your address. Most likely some of your friends will forgive you for having annoyed them with an autoresponder. Keep in mind, the whole county knows, that you leave the office at quarter to five, and when they send you a late night joke for the next morning, they really don't need a silly auto-responder telling them, that you are out of the office. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Stains on Formica To remove a stain on your Formica counter top, just slather a thick amount of dish washing detergent over it and let it sit for several hours, then wipe it up. The detergent seems to draw the stain into it. I discovered this by accident and it works over 90% of the time. By Ramona from Ocala, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over an unconscious man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times..... put me down for a five."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the church. An elderly man shook his hand and said, "Reverend, that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to. It was terrible." As the minister stood there dumbfounded, the old man's wife stepped in, trying to help. "Please don't pay any attention to him, pastor. He slept through it all and only repeats what he hears others say."
» Demotivational Stuff

Today, May 24, in
1543 Nicolaus Copernicus published proof of a sun-centered 
 solar system.
1607 Captain Christopher Newport and 105 followers found 
 the colony of Jamestown at the mouth of the James River 
 on the coast of Virginia.
1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s 
 charter was revoked and it became a royal colony.
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, 
 protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically 
 excluded from exemption.
1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
 representation" and called for the colonies to unite in 
 demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s new tax measures.
1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was 
 imminent, Irish nationalists rose up against the British 
 occupation.
1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. 
 began service.
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first 
 telegraph line. The first message was sent from 
 Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was 
 "What hath God wrought?"
1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston.
1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge 
 was opened to traffic.
1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from 
 England to Australia.
1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck 
 in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived.
1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was 
 opened in Jersey City, NJ.
1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde 
 service to Washington.
1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's 
 World Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years 
 in prison.
1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas 
 explosion in the Ukraine.
2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded 
 when two gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, 
 Queens, New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the 
 basement and then shot them.
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent 
 normal trade relations with China.
2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington 
 brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record.
2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 
2013  smiled


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How many megapixel should a camera have? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 23.

The Griffiths Center, local hosting clients, needed an extra
volunteer to go count money at a band casino in Calgary.
The casino makes a generous donation to the Griffiths Center
in exchange for two days, two shifts of six people each day.
Last year apparently they donated $40,000.

I thought it would be interesting so I volunteered. It sure
was interesting to see the secure area of the casino, the
carts with the money boxes, and the counting operation.
My job, because it was a first for me, was to sort the
money from one box at a time into 5s, 10, 20s, 50s and 
hundreds, and put the stacks into glass racks. 

The next guy ran each stack through a counting machine,
the woman next to him punched the result into a computer
and passed that stack on to the next couple, who repeated 
the process.

Easy work, and a great way to get some funds for the
Griffiths Senior Center. They are at  http://griffithscenter.com

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Aim for success not perfection... Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person." --- Dr. David Burns
Thanks to Shirley for this report: You may not know this but many non living things have a gender. Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over- inflated. A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Selena Velasquez, 17, Albuquerque, N.M. Jailed After Threatening To Cry Rape Unless Man Pays $500 Per Week Reported by The Weekly vice Selena Velasquez, a 17-year-old New Mexico woman, has been jailed after she allegedly had consensual sex with a 43-year-old man, then threatened to file rape charges if he didn't pay her $500 per week. According to state police, Velasquez was at a Cinco de Mayo party in Pecos earlier this month when she met a 43-year-old man and had consensual sex with him. After the encounter, Velasquez allegedly told the man that she would report the sex as rape if he didn't pay her $500 every Friday for three consecutive weeks. Investigators say Velasquez made matters worse by visiting the man's work uninvited, repeatedly texting him and threatening to harm him and his daughter. After reporting the blackmailing scheme to police, investigators directed the victim to call Velasquez and agree to her demands while they monitored the call. The victim agreed to meet Velasquez at a local Walmart where he was to make the first $500 payment. When Valesquez showed up to collect payment and accepted an envelope filled with fake money, officers pounced. During questioning, Valesquez reportedly admitted to having consensual sex with the man. She was taken to jail shortly thereafter. She was booked into the Santa Fe County Juvenile Detention Center and charged with felony extortion. She was released on Monday. The man was not charged in the case because the age of consent in New Mexico is 16. Tech Support Pits From: Shanya Re: Megapixels Dear Webby, How important is the number of Megapixels of a camera? Aren't five of them enough? Shanya Dear Shanya Megapixels are only relevant when comparing cameras of the same maker. The number of megapixels is less important to me than their size and depth. I can take much better pictures with a 2 Megapixel Canon than with a 12 Megapixel HP, and reach much further into the dark. Even if you compare Canon cameras, a Rebel EOS T3 has very impressive data, and a big, heavy lens. Theoretically one should be able to take fantastic pictures with that heavy klunker. Actually, in real life, it is a fussy nuisance, and even though it has a big lens, it requires a lot of light for a decent picture. A professional can make good use of it, but most amateurs probably won't be that happy in spite of the very impressive data. The Rebel EOS T3 is an affordable PRO camera. For casual every day use, go for a Canon PowerShot. It produces fantastic pictures, even though the data are not really that impressive. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Natural Mosquito Repellent For insect repellent, essential oils such as clover, citronella, eucalyptus, peppermint, lavender, cedar and lemon grass repel bugs naturally. In a spray bottle, combine 1 1/2 tsp. essential oils per cup of vodka. Apply jojoba oil or almond oil to skin before spraying. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

An elderly husband and wife noticed they were beginning to forget little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous so they decided to go see a doctor to get some help. Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. This seemed like an excellent idea. When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? Why don't you write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!" "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "No problem, ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Where's the toast? I TOLD you to write it down!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During the "rush hour" at Houston Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, "We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C. you should 'deplane' at this time." A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, wrong plane."
» Wired Animals

Today, May 23, in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. 
 She was then sold to the English.
1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was 
 declared null and void.
1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of 
 the Reformation were thrown through a window.
1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after 
 being convicted of murder and piracy.
1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had 
 invented bifocals.
1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was 
 established. The organization's name was changed to 
 Royal Canadian Mounted Police in 1920.
1915 During World War I, Italy changed sides to join
 the Allies as they declared war on Austria-Hungary.
1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde 
 Barrow were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. 
 The bank robbers were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe.
1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head 
 of the Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while 
 imprisoned by the Allied forces.
1949 The Republic of West Germany was established.
1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann 
 in Argentina.
1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the 
 Central Bank and took 200 hostages.
1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison 
 for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union.
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City 
 was demolished.
1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern 
 Ireland approved a peace accord.
1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when 
he fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. 
1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to scale 
 El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own record 
 that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 
2013  smiled


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Post-It-Notes for the computer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 22.
Thank you Evelyn!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living. --- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 106 BC - 43 BC
>From Ida For years my husband denied he was an aggressive driver. That changed one day when we were out for a ride with our three-year-old, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I began quizzing Matthew about traffic lights. "What does a red light mean?" I asked. "Stop." "How about green?" "Go." "And yellow?" In his best impression of Daddy, Matthew bellowed, "Haaaanng on!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment and get your block knocked off." she said. "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystle Harrison, 19, Bradenton, Florida Jailed for Biting Boyfriend's Penis After He Turned Her Down For Sex Reported by The Weekly vice Krystle Harrison, a 19-year-old Florida woman, was jailed last week after she allegedly took a bite out of her boyfriend's penis after he turned her down for sex. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, Harrison and her boyfriend were in bed when Harrison touched him in a suggestive manner and told him that she was in the mood for sex. After the boyfriend had refused Harrison's request for sex several times, Harrison retaliated by grabbing his penis and then biting it. Investigators say the boyfriend jumped out of bed and left the residence, however, Harrison followed him through the door and continued to argue with him outside. When the boyfriend still refused to have sex, Harrison slapped him in the face and then spit on him. At some point during the argument, a tussle broke out between the pair, resulting in scratch marks to the victim's chest. When deputies arrived on the scene and saw the victim's injuries, they immediately took Harrison into custody. She was booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with battery domestic violence. She was released after posting $1,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Computer Post-It notes Dear Webby, Years ago you mentioned post-it notes for the computer, not the expensive paper ones, but virtual ones. Are they still available? Where do I get them? Erin Dear Erin Yes, 3M is still in business. Try http://www.3m.com/psnotes They have free versions and reasonably priced professional versions. Unless you need to paste notes onto your hubby's computer down in the basement from yours up in the kitchen, you can probably just use the free version. You will be amazed at what you can do with even the free version, like setting alarms, auto-hide and auto-reveal, and so on. They are also handy for a quick cratch-pad for stuff, that does not merit a file. Just like the paper post-it-notes 20 years ago, they become quite indispensable quickly. There are also the WebNotes at WebNotes You create a work space on the cloud, and pop yellow notes. Your work space is only as secure as the name you give it, however, for casual stuff like shopping lists or picnic plans or collaborative homework it is fine. If you and your cohorts are familiar with RSS, you can arrange it so that an RSS message pops on the desktops of all participants whenever one of them edited a note or added a new one. Load a work space by inventing a name. For single use, just hit the little yellow rectangle at the left top, and a note pops. Double-click in it. There are 8 colors to choose. Type into the note whatever you want. The second icon from the left is for saving the work space. Drag the little icon on the left of the URL Address bar of the browser onto your desktop. Now you can close it, and whenever you want to go back to your work space on the cloud, hit that desktop icon. When you want somebody else to look at your notes, send them the URL, that is in that desktop shortcut or on your web space, for example http://www.aypwip.org/webnote/ErinTheFirst Then they can read and edit your notes and add new ones. Unlike the 3M Post-It-Notes, the Webnotes don't take graphics. It's a really ancient program and when it was writen, plain text notes were good enough. The main advantage of WebNotes is the ability to share and collaborate over the net, and not have all of FaceBook snicker and giggle about it. They are also handy for sending passwords, registrations, URLs etc. from your desktop to your laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Any Oil To Quiet A Squeaky Door Any kind of oil will fix a squeaky door. I was visiting my young daughter a few years ago and one of her doors was really squeaky. It was fairly early in the morning and she was still asleep so I couldn't ask her what she had to eliminate the problem. I went to her pantry and picked up a can of Pam cooking spray and sprayed the door hinges. It worked like a charm. By Betty from Lubbock, TX WD-40 is cheaper and does not attract dust. It can be re-applied whenever necessary, unlike PAM or cooking oils, which get hard and sticky and squeak, and need to be taken apart and cleaned with WD-40 or penetrating oil. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Thanks to Diane for this report: I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tellawoman!
» Amazing Places

Today, May 21, in

1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish 
 prelates in France.
1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the 
 Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses.
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in Belgium.
1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the 
 Atlantic Ocean.
1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining chair.
1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry dock.
1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took place. 
 The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds to the 
 seven members of the Reno gang.
1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners.
1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea.
1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas Edison's lab.
1892 Dr. Sheffield, a British dentist, invented the toothpaste tube.
1908 The Wright brothers registered their flying machine for a U.S. patent.
1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military alliance 
 between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel."
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was canceled by 
 police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and roll dances might be featured."
1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the moon's surface. 
 The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar landing.
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became the 
 republic of Sri Lanka.
1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0.
2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's Rock Creek Park. 
 She was last seen on April 30, 2001. 
2013  smiled


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Safe Magnifier 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 21.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. --- Jack London (1876 - 1916)
The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kassandra Martinez, 20, Dallas, Texas Jailed After She Murdered Her Cousin For Gas Money Reported by The Weekly vice Kassandra Martinez, a 20-year-old Dallas woman, was jailed Sunday after she repeatedly ran over her cousin with her car during an argument over gas money. She then drove home to get some sleep - obviously tuckered out from all that driving. According to Dallas police, Martinez was at a club with her cousin and her cousin's two sisters when the girls began arguing about where to go next (home or out to eat somewhere). Angry that she wasn't getting her way, Martinez left the club alone with the girls' purses in the trunk of her car. The three girls left behind at the club were forced to find a ride from a friend who was also at the club. During the ride home, the girls noticed that Martinez had stopped off for gas at a local gas station, so they asked the driver to stop and let them out so they could retrieve their purses. That's when Martinez reportedly began arguing with them, demanding that they give her gas money. When the girls refused, Martinez retorted "Well, if that's the way it is..." before backing over her cousin who had been waiting at the rear of the vehicle to get her purse. After backing over the victim, Martinez then put the car into drive and then drove over her cousin a second time. Martinez then drove home to go to bed while her cousin, identified as 24-year-old Yunel Aguilar, was rushed to Parkland Memorial Hospital. She was pronounced dead a short time later. Surveillance video captured from the scene showed the entire incident as it unfolded. Investigators were able to use the video to identify Martinez's VW Passat, which was found at her residence. Martinez was arrested when Aguilar's mother called and convinced her to come up to the hospital. During a police interview, Martinez admitted that she did not have a driver's license, but claimed that she was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol when she ran over her cousin. Martinez was booked into jail and charged with murder. She remains jailed in lieu of $150,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Safe Magnifier Dear Webby, Here is a link to a virtual magnifying glass that is free, does not screw with anything on your desktop, is customizable and once again, free. I have used this magnifier since win98, and never had an issue. http://magnifier.sourceforge.net/ Neil Thanks, Neil! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remembering to Use Coupons Occasionally I have forgotten to use my coupons at the checkout only to remember them when I get home. I've started highlighting the items that I have coupons for on my shopping list with bright neon highlighters, that way they constantly jog my memory as I read my grocery list. By mother of 5 from Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

A pretty girl asked the male clerk at a fabric counter, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " he replied with a smirk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards. With anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing behind her. "Grandma will pay the bill, "she smiled
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it, she starts cussing and throwing stuff."
» Forging - Legumes

Today, May 21, in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor.
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, CH
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. 
 They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first 
 national convention.
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable 
 tire-carrying rim.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop 
 airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May 20.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 fingerprint all of its citizens.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the 
 Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men 
 aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later 
 found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at 
 Ohio State University.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by a 
 butyric acid-attacker. 
2013  smiled


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Should you leave USB cables connected? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960)
Thanks to Penny for this one: WOMAN SUES HOSPITAL A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

>From Davie The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
Thanks to Sue in Saskatchewan for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Oriole Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Golba, 55, Riverside Illinois Jailed After Passing Out Drunk On Top Of Mother, Trapping Her For Hours Reported by The Weekly vice Robert Golba, a 55-year-old Riverside drunk, was jailed Thursday after he passed out drunk on top of his mother - pinning her to the floor for hours. According to Riverside Police, Golba became intoxicated and then passed out on top of his 81-year-old mother. The victim remained trapped under her son for several hours before she was able to get relatives to call police. When officers arrived on the scene, they found the victim still lying on the kitchen floor with her legs entwined with her son's legs as he slept. Investigators say Golba was extremely combative when officers woke him up and took him into custody. According to an order of protection against him, he was not allowed to be inside the residence while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The victim was taken to Loyola University Medical Center, where doctors told her that her hip was broken in three places and required surgery. Golba was taken to McNeal Hospital to be treated for alcohol poisoning. He was charged with one count of felony violation of order of protection. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: USB cables connected Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun letter today. The pic was very nice. You do come up with some beautiful pics. I finally did invest in a digital camera. Have just begun to read the book. I have 2 questions. 1) Would it be ok to connect the usb cable to the pc & leave it plugged in even when not connected to the camera? My connection is at the base of the pc which is on the floor & it is sometimes difficult to get down to connect it. 2) I haven't tried sending the pic to the pc yet so I can email them to family & friends but am curious as to what size would good to send. Some pics I have received have are so big they seem to take so long to download. Any size suggestions? Thanks so much for your help. This will be a new experience for me. Sharon Dear Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure you can leave the cable plugged into the PC. Just put the open end into a cup, in case any chips drip out. Just kidding about anything dripping out, but it's a good idea to put the open end into an empty bud vase or a pencil cup or anything that will securely hold it on the desk. If it falls down on the floor and you drive over the cable end with your chair, the cable is most likely ruined. The best size for mailing pictures is the size I use in the Humor Letter: 600 pixels wide. You can always tell them that, if they want a bigger size for printing it out, to specify what size they want. If they are not going to print it out, then there is no need to slow down the Internet with 3 acre pictures. Once you have a web site, then you can use the same trick as what I use, email a small pictrue with a click-through link to a bigger one. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pinesol To Keep Pests Away Keep a spray bottle of half Pinesol/half water under your sink spray outside garbage cans or anywhere you have a pest problem. Animals like rodents, opossums, raccoons, etc. don't like the smell. By Renee NayNay H. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor. "Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to fifty dollars." "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the fifty on the spot. "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly as he swiftly grabbed the saucer and put it into the sink. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 stray cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!" The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue.."
» Forging - Blacksmithing goes Hi-Tech

Today, May 20, in
0325 - The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor 
 Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor.
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France 
 over the town of Gascony.
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty.
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been 
 sent to punish him in Mexico.
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers 
 of James II.
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King.
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to 
 punish the American colonists for their increasingly 
 anti-British behavior
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare 
 its independence. This is the date that is on the George 
 state flag even though the date of this event has been 
 questioned.
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, 
 England, and Holland.
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde.
1861 North Carolina became the eleventh state to secede from the Union.
1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the 
 Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA.
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets.
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to 
 be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles 
 per hour.
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended.
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain.
1926 The U.S. Congress passed the Air Commerce Act. The act 
 gave the Department of Commerce the right to license pilots 
 and planes.
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the 
 Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. Louis." 
 The trip took 33 1/2 hours.
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible.
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the  Atlantic 
 Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat.
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air.
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma.
1949 DearWebby was born in Rankweil, Austria
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. 
 The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals.
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, 
 which was referred to as Hamburger Hill.
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies 
 in Vietnam.
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to run 
 across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 3,000 miles.
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs.
1993 The final episode of "Cheers" was aired on NBC-TV.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure 
 banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination.
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a funtional 
 synthetic genome.
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 
2013  smiled


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How do you find lost shortcut icons? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 19.
Thanks, Alfred!

Tomorrow we have a stat holiday in Canada. The Monday
closest to my birthday is celebrated with a day off for
cleaning and starting the BBQ after it was allowed to get
dusty and rusty all winter, an increase in gas prices to
coincide with the start of towing boats around, and frantic
shopping for larger size swimwear. Apparently that stuff
shrinks when not worn at least once a week.

It is also the official birthday of the Queen, but few people 
remember that she celebrates her birthday on the Monday 
closest to my birthday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Never fight an inanimate object. --- P. J. O'Rourke
A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, "My Sin", "Desire", and "Ecstasy". She says to the salesperson, "I don't want to get emotionally involved or knocked up. I just want to smell nice."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Queen of the night
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephanie Redus, 29, Huffman, TX Pregnant Woman Puts Toddler Son Up For Adoption On Craigslist Reported by The Weekly vice Stephanie Redus, a 29-year-old Huffman woman, has been jailed after she allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist seeking a person who could adopt her toddler son. According to Houston Police, Redus posted the ad on May 1st, stating that she couldn't properly care for her son and was "desperate" to find someone who could. The message Redus posted is as follows: "Hi, I am trying to adopt out my three-year-old son. I'm not in a good place in my life and I don't feel like I can care for him properly, but I don't know where to start. If you or know anyone who is interested in caring for him please let me know. I'm a single mom and can't do this. Thanks, Desperate." An officer found the posted ad and instead of advising her to start with a visit to Social Services, responded to it posing as an interested party. Redus reportedly wrote back and explained that she was looking for someone to adopt her child because she is currently pregnant and unable to take medication that treats her depression and anxiety. Investigators obtained a subpeona for the website and identified Redus as the person who posted the ad. During a police interview, Redus admitted to placing the ad but stated that she never intended to go through with it. She claimed to have spoken with one other interested party. During the conversation she asked the respondent if he/she had any other children and requested that they send her pictures of their home. Redus was booked into jail and charged with misdemeanor advertising for placement of a child. She was freed after posting $1,000 bail. The child was taken into protective custody and then placed with his father. Do-It-Yourself adoption behind the back of Social Services is strictly against the law. Going through them apparently is quick and easy, because they have huge waiting lists of people, who are checked out and eligible to adopt kids. Tech Support Pits From: Edana Re: How do you find lost icons? Dear Webby I was intrigued by your seemingly hateful comments about the Windows Magnifier, and thought, 'Ol DerWebby is just miffed about Microsoft murdering XP, just so that they can sell 4 and 8 GB computers'. So I tried it, since I have less than a hundred icons on my desktop anyway. Well, slap me with wet noodles and bean me with a chamber pot! You were way too diplomatic about that @#$%^&*@#$%!!!!! I have eventually found most icons again and drug them to where they are supposed to be, but some of them seem to be totally missing. Is there a way to make them light up or show targets like the cursor does, when you hit CTRL? When I try making a new shortcut with the same name, it says there is already one with that name. But it does not tell me where! How do I find the lost shortcut icons? And DON'T tell me to sort them alphabetically and trash by careful thematic order! Edana Dear Edana You can't. The lost icons may be outside the visible margin, or there might be some other malfunction going on. Just make a new shortcut and giveit a slightly different name, IF the original shows up again in a year or whenever, then you can dump the second one. You can also make new, high visibility icons. There are lots of free utilities available for making icons. The trick is to NOT get cutesy or artistic, but shoot for maximum visibility. Assign a color for each major theme, then use tha color as the background, and use a letter in a contrasting color on that background. You don't have to stick to prime colors, as long as what you use is contrasting. If you need a program to make icons, write me and I'll send you the one, that I have been using for about 20 years. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Peeling George Foreman Grill I really enjoy my little George Foreman grill, but the Teflon is peeling. I use a piece of lightweight tin foil, big enough to fold over the meat and spray it lightly with oil. Clean-up is a breeze, I just toss the foil afterward. By shirley dobie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard ploughed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Aye," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he nodded and walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw the pest out. "Oh I don't care," the waiter said with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner anyway."
» Printed Brick Roads:

Today, May 18, in
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery.
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen of Scots, 
 fled to England where she was imprisoned by Queen Elizabeth.
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for England.
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union of 
 Lutherans and Calvinists.
1643 Delegates from four New England colonies met in Boston 
 to form a confederation.
1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France.
1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called 
 for penalties for hunting or destroying game within 
 Indian territory.
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in 
 service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts.
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William 
 F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer.
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based on 
 fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City.
1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time.
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased. 
 Rome became a fascist state.
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people.
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries in a 
 motorcycle crash in England.
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North American 
 Air Defense Command.
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of "Happy Birthday" 
 for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The event was a fund-raiser at 
 New York's Madison Square Garden.
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had found 
 about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy in Moscow.
1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the United States and 
 Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space.
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time.
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted of 
 smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the United States. 
 Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug cartel.
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and 
 seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband Joey's 
 teen-age lover.
1992 The 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into effect. 
 The amendment prohibits Congress from giving itself midterm 
 pay raises.
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages.
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released in the 
 U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 28.5 million.
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors 
 $500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its 
 $11 billion accounting scandal.
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal 
 letters and humanist essays were make available on the Internet. 
 Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of 
 Jerusalem in his will.
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in 
 50.0 million in its opening day.
2013  smiled


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How to add pictures to email 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, May 17.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. --- Henry Kissinger Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know. --- Marvin Minsky
>From Dave I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it. "Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Brennan, 24, Henderson, Nevada Jailed for Luring Student Into Inappropriate Relationship Reported by The Weekly vice Amanda Brennan, a 24-year-old English teacher at Foothill High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly engaged in an inappropriate relationship with an underage student. According to police, an investigation was launched after the parents of a 15-year-old student contacted a school resource officer and reported that Brennan was pursuing an inappropriate relationship with their son. The boy's parents were further aggravated when Brennan picked the student up from their home and took him to the movies against their wishes. She also reportedly brought the boy back home AFTER his scheduled curfew. When investigators interviewed the student, he told them that he and Brennan loved each other and had kissed and cuddled in the backseat of her car. Detectives also discovered that Brennan and the boy had exchanged more than 1,000 text messages over a 9 day period. Brennan reportedly admitted to taking the student out and communicating with him outside of school. She went on to say that she knew the relationship was wrong, but loved the student and did it anyway. She was immediately placed under arrest. She was booked into the Clark County Detention Center and charged with two counts of luring a child and one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Her bail has been set at $20,000. Is punishment too casual, or are teachers getting dumber? Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: How do you get pictures into email? Dear Webby Since almost everybody does it, it must be fairly simple. How do I get pictures from FaceBook into email? Bill Dear Bill First you have to harvest the picture and store it on your computer. Click the picture you want. Chances are good, that it will open in a fresh page with less distraction. RIGHT-click te picture and select Copy Image. Now you have the picture in the Clipboard memory, and you can paste it from there into an email, or into any graphics program. Click into an already started email at the spot, where you want that picture, and hit CTRL V to paste it. If you want to save the picture, so that you can look at your grand kids without going online and searching for that picture on FaceBook, open any graphics program, and hit CTRL V to paste it as a new picture. Now you can save it by hitting ALT F A, or clicking on FILE Save As typing in a name, and browse to a folder, that you can find easily. You can even make brand new folders at the same time. By default Windows wants to hide your pictures deep down in a wacky labyrith of subdirectories. No, I don't know what they were smoking. Luckily you can browse around in there and go up to the C:\ root directory. Make a New Folder there and call it !PIX The exclamation mark at the front of it will ensure, that in any alphabetical sort, it will be on top and easy to find. If all this sounds intimidating, don't worry. We all had to learn that, and once you have done it a few times, it starts making sense and is actually quite easy. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Lint For Fire Starting Save the lint from the dryer in a plastic container. In the winter months when the wood for the fire gets a little damp, use the lint under the kindling to get it started. Works great! By korlund Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after learning the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees into a separate room under guard. After they rifled the safe and were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed the gag. "Please," whispered the cashier, "take the books, too. I'm $7,500 short."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
» 33 Facts

Today, May 18, in
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the 
 Flemish oligarchs.
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded.
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole 
 and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will.
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland.
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France.
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the French 
 Senate.
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, 
 which called up soldiers to fight in World War I.
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was finally 
 captured by the Allies in Italy.
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb.
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people 
 were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions 
 of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program.
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip 
 ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and 
 Palestinian authorities took over.
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a 
 sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the 
 computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors 
 which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the 
 software market.
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people and 
 seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation of 
 money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and two 
 drug-smuggling cartels. 
2013  smiled


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Can you adjust the font size on Google Maps? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 17.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Richard!

Pat Cooper pointed out that yesterday's picture was not 
real clouds, but a coputer generated piece of art
created by Damien Harrison


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.” --- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor. --- Ring Lardner
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me that he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." And my neighbor said, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mineshaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mineshaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be MY goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derek Lavis, 45, Kalkaska, Mich Jailed After Attempting To Break Girlfriend Out Of Jail Reported by The Weekly vice Derek Lavis, a 45-year-old Michigan man, was jailed Monday after he allegedly tried to free his girlfriend from the county jail by repeatedly ramming his vehicle into its outside wall. According to the Kalkaska County Sheriff's Office, corrections officers were alerted at around 10:30 p.m. Sunday when they heard a loud banging sound against the jail's north-facing wall. When deputies looked to see what was creating the noise, they found a Chevy Suburban that was repeatedly being rammed against the wall. When the driver, later identified as Derek Lavis, saw that he had been spotted, he fled the scene. Detectives say Lavis was attempting to free a woman who was being detained inside the jail. Although Lavis appeared to have known the woman's location inside the jail, the woman has denied having prior knowledge of the jail-break attempt. She has not yet been charged in the case. Lavis was arrested at 9 a.m.. Monday morning after he was located in a wooded area about 12 miles south of the jail. He was booked into jail and charged with attempted aiding of a prisoner escape and malicious destruction of a building. Tech Support Pits From: Len Re: Changing fonts on Google Maps Dear Webby That trick of using Google Maps instead of Google Earth works fine, except for the tiny fonts. Do they write just for little girls, or are their programmers little girls? How can they expect seniors to read the street names? Is there ANY way at all to change the text size? Len Dear Len There is no way, if you use a high resolution monitor. It seems, the little girls with perfect vision, working on old, low resolution monitors, don't give a hoot about seniors. Taking little girls along to read the street names off a printed map is not my style. I prefer big girls. A high quality GLASS magnifying glass is about the only reasonable remedy I have been able to find. Yes, I know, Windows has a built in magnifier. To start it, hit START and type Magnifier. And there IS a secret way to turn it off without tossing the computer out the window: Hold the Windows key and hit the ESC key. Your windows will all be re-arranged, your desktop icons will be totally messed up, and you WILL swear to never EVER use it again, but a magnifier IS available. My recommendation is to use it only on the machine of the person, who persuaded you to get Windows 7. Since I always make a screen shot of maps ALT PrintScreen and paste it into a graphics program with CTRL V, I can magnify it in there, and write the important street names in a font large enough to read off a print while I am driving. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Oil Filter Remover for Big Jar Lids I bought a gallon jar of pickles, but had to wait for my husband to come home to open the jar. My hands just weren't large enough to get a good grip on the lid. Next shopping trip he bought something that is made to loosen oil filters from cars. He found it in the automobile department. It works great on large jar lids, so I no longer have to wait for him to open jars for me! By Kathryn from Virginia There is a jar opener called "Swing Away", that reaches over the top of jars, and that you can hit with a rolling pin, if necessary, to losen the lid. It adjusts for anything from ketchup bottles to gallon pickle jar lids. Then there is the "Baby Boa" rubber belt grip. It is a handle with a slot in it, and a rubber belt, that goes around the jar lid and then into the slot. It too can be used on any size. It is actually more an industrial tool, but works very well in my kitchen. I bought mine about 25-30 years ago at a Dollar Store. With ANY jar opening adventure, put one of those sticky drawer liners into the sink and the jar or bottle on top of that, If the lid suddenly lets go, that trick can avoid pickled beets or salsa all over your clothes and floor. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Baby camel to his dad, "Dad, why have we got such big feet?" "So that we can carry our masters through the hot shifting sands of the desert where no other animal can go," replied Dad. "Dad, why have we such long spindly legs?" "So that we can carry our masters through all the prickly thorn bushes in the desert without scratching their legs," replied Dad. "Dad, why do we have such big humps on our backs?" "So that we can carry our masters for long distances across the desert without stopping for food or water," replied Dad. "Dad, why our we sitting in the back of this truck, stuck in rush-hour traffic?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional state about unbalanced checkbooks and overdrawn VISAs!" Smart guy, that he is, he made sure he was in bed long before her. He did not want to be the one sleeping on the couch.
» Disco the Parakeet

Today, May 17, in
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongol Emperor Humayun 
  at Kanauj.
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on 
  Jupiter's surface.
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. 
As a result, England declares war on France.
1756 Britain declared war on France again, beginning the 
  French and Indian War.
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.
1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was 
  installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to 
 "Puerto Rico."
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the 
  invasion of France.
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's 
  railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers 
  and trainmen.
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
  after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former 
  Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance 
  executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in 
  the rioting.
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark 
  in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and 
  the United States called the attack a mistake.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring 
 neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. 
 Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was 
 raped and killed in 1994.
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea 
for the first time since 1953.
2013  smiled


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Can you change the route on Google Earth? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963)
>Thanks to jkabb34 for this one: An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Fighting and yelling was heard at all times of the day and night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one." The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? What do they mean when they say 'NOTHING, YOU MORON!' Basically, what makes them tick?" The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "Stuff me back into my bottle."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to (Picture is of a previously arrested sex offender named Kerry Lee Bobo, might be a different Kerry Lee Bobo) Kerry Lee Bobo, 53, from Atwater, California Jailed for foil wrapped gun in luggage Reported by The Smoking Gun MAY 13--A man who apparently thought that a pistol wrapped in aluminum foil would be undetectable to airport X-ray machines is facing a federal criminal charge for allegedly trying to smuggle the loaded weapon on a flight from San Francisco to Europe. Kerry Lee Bobo, 53, was planning to fly last Thursday afternoon to Amsterdam when Transportation Safety Administration screeners “noticed what appeared to be a handgun” in a checked suitcase, according to a U.S. District Court complaint. When federal agents opened Bobo’s luggage they found a loaded Sig Sauer .45-caliber handgun “wrapped in aluminum foil” and a taser. They then boarded Bobo’s KLM flight and escorted the Atwater, California resident from the aircraft. During questioning, Bobo said that he was continuing on to Nairobi from Amsterdam and had packed the gun “to protect himself from animals while in Kenya.” Bobo, who was traveling alone, claimed that he had encased the weapon in aluminum foil to “thwart airport baggage personnel from stealing it.” Investigators were not buying that explanation. In a sworn affidavit, a Homeland Security agent reported that, “I know that some people believe--incorrectly--that aluminum foil can somehow block x-ray and other security screening devices.” Investigators concluded that Bobo wrapped the firearm in foil “to conceal the handgun and prevent its discovery.” Charged with a felony carrying a maximum of ten years in prison, Bobo was released from custody last Friday on a $50,000 unsecured bond. He is scheduled for a May 31 preliminary hearing. In the 80's and 90's, before the Tourism Suppression Agency got so fanatically hysterical, I think they were called FATASS in those days, it was a common joke to wrap a vibrator in alu foil, to ENSURE it showed up in the scanner, and slip it into people's carry-on luggage to cause them a lot of embarrassment. It was so common, that during busy times the screeners just grinned and ignored the obvious bait. Bobo must have just fallen off the turnip wagon. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Adjusting route on Google Earth Dear Webby Google Earth has much better mapping than Mapquest, but there seems to be be no way to adjust a route. Sometimes the route it shows is OK, but quite often it is not. If I want to take fast roads, that are a bit further, instead of zig-zagging through unsafe neighborhoods, HOW do I adjust the route? And is there a way to change the route color? George Dear George You can't. To adjust the route, you have to get out of Google Earth, open either AOL's Mapquest or Google Maps. On those two you hover anywhere on the route until you see a button, then you can drag that button to where you want the route to be. The procedure is identical, including the hard to see blue route line. Neither of them is willing to change the route line to an easier to see color. They just have dumb excuses why it can't be done. I take a screen-shot and then do a color replacement, and change the blue line to red. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Jars to Your Shelves When you have loads of small things to store in your shed or workshop, such as nails, screws, etc, here's a cool tip: Save jam jars and screw the lids to the underside of your workshop shelves. You can see what is in the jars and screw/unscrew the jar of your choice. Just make sure your shelf is secure and sturdy enough to take the extra weight. By Chickybiker After the log house I had finished building a few months earlier burned down two days before Christmas 1978, I spent a few years living in a wall tent in the Yukon, saving money and building a new house. In that wall tent I used the same trick with the jars, except I screwed the lids to a 4x4, with a sturdy screw in each end, resting in a clothes hanger loop. Don't use just any jar, make sure they are all the same size so that any jar fits into any lid, because you are bound to re-organize them for different projects. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

A mother had three very active boys. One summer evening, she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead!" She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A four year old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up and announced, "I'm going to look just like you, mommy!" Her mother said, "Maybe, when you grow up." "No, mommy, tomorrow. I'm just gonna put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' that you always use."
» Painted Desert

Today, May 16, in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King Louis XVI 
 of France, who was 15.
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set up 
 the Afghan state.
1881 In Germany the first electric tram for the public 
 started service.
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc 
 was demonstrated by Emile Berliner.
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway.
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape recorder.
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in California, 
 demonstrated the first working laser.
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, 
 ending Project Mercury.
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus.
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach 
 the summit of Mount Everest.
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 tons 
  of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place 
  to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor after 8 weeks 
  with the same load.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have to have 
 a search warrant to search discarded garbage.
1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy officer, 
 died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after some of his military 
 awards were called into question.
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of the country 
 to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated to run for 
 U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S. first lady to run 
 for public office.
2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new PlayStation 3 
 video game machine.
2013  smiled


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Storebought McAfee 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 15

Thanks, Steve!
Is there any special religious significance to $6.66 ?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions-- as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful National Popcorn Day in my life!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

>From Nanarina (in the USA) THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT... Women are having sex with their husbands and boyfriends because they can't afford batteries. Jury duty is now considered a good-paying job. Banks are now mailing us pre-declined credit cards. African TV now shows "sponsor an American child" commercials. CEO's are playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen. ATMs now give IOUs! A stripper was bruised when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies. Mormon polygamists now have only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds", you ask if they mean you or them. McDonald's is now selling a quarter-ouncer. Beverly Hills parents are firing their nannies and learning their children's names. Hookers offer discounts for johns paying with Canadian Dollars A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now worth only 200 words. They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street". Hookers accept food stamps Church ushers have car-hop style coin dispensers to give change for a Dollar
Click on the picture for the large version Over the CO2 Quota! Naughty volcano!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mohammed Ahmed,21, from Illinois Man Celebrates Wedding By Getting Arrested For Soliciting Hooker On His Honeymoon Reported by The Smoking Gun 21-year-old Mohammed Ahmed was one of scores of men arrested in a prostitution sweep conducted last week by the Polk County Sheriff’s Office in Florida. According to investigators, the alleged john answered an online ad posted by an undercover detective posing as a hooker. Seen in the mug shot, Ahmed was arrested when he arrived for his paid liaison. Ahmed, an Illinois resident, was in the Sunshine State on his honeymoon when he was busted for soliciting prostitution and pot possession. When Ahmed did not return to his bride at the Omni Hotel, she called police to report him missing. The woman was subsequently told by cops that her husband was not MIA, that he had been arrested for seeking to pay for sex from a hooker. Was he trying to get a second, and possibly less critical opinion? Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Long Lasting McAfee? Dear Webby Did McAfee make an edition with a shelf life? What about Kapersky? Steve Dear Steve The dusty "stroeboughts" are mainly just a coupon to download the current version. Usually the "stroeboughts" also have some VERY basic anti-virus stuff on it, mainly to kill viruses, that prevent you from downloading name brand anti-virus programs and updates. The CD kills those, and cleans up the "Hosts" file, and directs you to McAfee.com. There is very little actual difference between Kasperki and McAfee. One week one of them is a hair ahead, the next week the other one. They both use Taliban for tech support, and both of them seem to be too big to be genuinely interested in customer service. However, even with those shortcomings, they are a class better than Norton or all the free ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Bottles for Patio Chairs I was given some old patio chairs that are very sturdy. I love them, however they are rusted on the bottoms of the chair legs. I went and recycled some bottoms of those plastic soda bottles and put them under chair legs. They don't make an annoying sound when I move them on the patio and the kids feet don't get near the bottoms of the chair legs. By Eric W. If you scrub the rusty chair legs with CocaCola and crumpled Alumin foil, that will s crub off the loose rust and turn the solid rust into Iron Phosphate. You can also buy Phosphoric Acid from the better drug stores. Iron Phosphate is, chemically speaking, a salt, and can not oxidize or decay further. It looks, surprise, surprise, battleship-gray. After that, you can paint it any color you want. Instead of bottle bottoms, that will trap moisture, it is better to glue buttons cut from old leather soled shoe soles onto the feet for easy and quiet sliding. Regular, cheap Contact Cement works well. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my neighbor's wife said, "but I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," she replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Speaking of cakes,... Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, THE CAKE was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."
» Nature's Impressionistic Talents

Today, May 15, in
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1618 Johannes Kepler discovered his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa, shortly before Napoleon was born.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder.
1926 Roald Amundsen and Lincoln Ellsworth were forced down 
 in Alaska after a four-day flight over an icecap. Ice had 
 begun to form on the dirigible Norge.
1930 Ellen Church became the first airline stewardess.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
 3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, Iraq 
 and Lebanon only hours after declaring its independence.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island 
 in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched 
 in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first two 
 female generals.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer 
 in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. 
 Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the 
 United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by 
 implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000 
 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for 
 more than eight years.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to 
 deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh American 
 astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough votes 
 to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 
2013  smiled


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Delayed emails 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The proper way to garden is to plant alphabetically: asparagus, beets, carrots, dill, endive etc - that way "weeds" will all be together in one place. --- Dr Bill Farmer
One day a beautiful woman pulled up to his house in a new Mercedes. She asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made that request. As he hesitated, she said money was no object; she was willing to pay $5000. Not wanting to get in trouble with his wife, Ole asked the lady to wait while he went in the house to talk it over with Lena , his wife. In a few minutes he returned and said to the beautiful young lady, "Yah, shure, you betcha. I'll paint you in the nude. But I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll haff a place to vipe my brushes".
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>From Ed My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property. As soon as they were out of sight, and walking towrds the beach, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put their garbage back inside, and his kitchen garbage too. Then he rolled up all the windows to make it nice and hot in there, and locked the car.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nicholas Bailey, 31, and Sabrina Morton, 26, in Spartanburg, South Carolina Testicle Attacker Reported by The Weekly Vice A South Carolina couple Nicholas Bailey, 31, and Sabrina Morton, 26, were jailed Sunday after they allegedly got into a brawl that didn't end well for Bailey's testicles. According to the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office, Bailey came home intoxicated and attempted to quietly sleep it off in the couple's shower.Sabrina Morton didn't want to let that happen and began arguing and shoving. Investigators say the couple shoved each other back and forth until Bailey pulled a chunk of hair out of Morton's head. In retaliation, Morton used her nails to send Bailey's testicles a message. When deputies arrived on the scene, Bailey was sitting naked on the couch, bleeding from multiple lacerations to his genital area. Bailey and Morton were booked into the Spartanburg County Jail and charged with domestic violence. They were released after posting bail. Tech Support Pits From: Jenn Re: Late mails Dear Webby I am still plagued with e-mails coming in to me a day later. My friends need me and say I never answer...Do you have an idea why the e-mails from certain people are not reaching me till hours later. My Puter is on all the time....I write from MSN and receive my e-mails from a Lot of Outlook users. Could that be the reason? Jenn Dear Jenn Micosoft has been telling you for some time, that MSN and HoeMail are obsolete and will be shut down any day soon. You believed Microsoft, that Windows 7 was good and suitable punishment for the sins of your youth, why do you choose to ignore their urging to stop using MSN and Hoemail? You do have a fairly good local ISP, and part of what you are paying for is a proper email address. Why don't you start using that? You can use Thunderbird, Outlook, Outlook Depressed, Eudora, Pegasus, or any of dozens more email programs with that address. There really is absolutely NO reason to continue using MSN or Hoemail. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Canned Beans Upside Down Preventing Bathtub Slip and Falls I love a tub bath, however, getting out of the tub can be kind of tricky for an old lady like me especially when the tub is slippery. I have found that placing a towel down in the tub before getting up makes it much easier. It keeps me from slipping and I have no fear of falling. While standing in the tub on the towel, I dry myself off then turn around and wipe down the tile and around the tub. When I get out of the tub, I'm dry and so is the bathroom. By Litter Gitter Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Two friends are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," one friend says. "How so?" his friend asks. "Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me." "Was that not love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was obsession. And then two years ago I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't understand me." "Was that love?" "No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange sensation in the pit of my stomach." "Was that love?" his friend asks. "No," he replies. "That was seasickness."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to our insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through the chore. When she asked, "What are the age and make of the vehicle?" Mark replied, "It's a '75 Ford." Apologetic about its des- perate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil." Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark. "Mr. Evans, I've been in insurance a while," she explained, "but I've never heard of a Ford Fossil."
» Old Lace

Today, May 14, in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians 
 in Northern Italy.
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated 
 by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac.
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death 
 of his father, Louis XIII.
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner.
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain.
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk.
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole.
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough.
1879 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone Company of Europe.
1897 "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa was 
 performed for the first time.
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by wireless 
 telegraph.
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement.
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany.
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India.
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the independent 
 State of Israel as British rule in Palestine came to an end.
1955 The Warsaw Pact, a Easterb European mutual-defense treaty, 
 was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc countries including 
 the Soviet Union.
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the first 
 U.S. manned space station.
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and recaptured 
 the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40 crew members were released 
 safely by Cambodia. About 40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the 
 military operation.
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More than 440 
 people were killed.
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers that had 
 been killed during the Korean War.
2013  smiled


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Which browser is best for today? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 13

Sunday was warm enough to hedge my raspberries. The easiest
way to tell which shoots were live and which ones were dead 
was by location. The live shoots tend to all be outside the
guide wires, and only the dead ones in between the guide 
wires. The live shoots also had tiny green bits on them.

They sure look skimpy after hedging! I will probably lift 
the pieces of blown off tar paper shingles, that I have 
between the plants to avoid having to weed them.

When I was a kid we had 10 rows of raspberries, 12 Meters long.
All the shoots were neatly tied with Raffia to tautly strung 
haywire. The rows were a few inches lower than the lawn-mower-
wide path between the rows, and weeding those trenches was
one of my chores. I try to avoid that chore since then.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902)
The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. "You've got to help me. I'm losing my memory, Doctor," he sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family; I was a respected member of the community. But all that's gone now. Since my memory began failing, I've lost the business - I couldn't remember my clients' names. My wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn't they? Some nights I wouldn't get home until four or five in the morning. I'd forget where I lived...And it's getting worse. Doctor - it's getting worse!" "This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist said soothingly. It is actually no real problem at all. Just sign this automatic invoice payment authorization, then we can both relax and dicuss your condition."
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A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove. At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters: "Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marlena Mints, 31, in Cedar Hill, TX Charged With Having Sex With Students Reported by The Weekly Vice Marlena Mints, a 31-year-old health teacher at Bessie Coleman Middle School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with at least two students. According to police, an investigation was launched in late April after a coach at the same middle school reported that a 13-year-old student was overheard bragging about having sex with Mints. As the investigation unfolded, detectives learned that Mints allegedly had sexual contact with several students. Investigators the first relationship began when a 13-year-old student texted Mints and told her that he was having a problem with his penis. Mints reportedly texted the student back, stating that she could help him with his problem, but that she'd have to have a look at his penis in person. The student told investigators that he thought it would be okay because Mints was his health and sex education teacher. When he went to the school and exposed himself to her, she allegedly performed oral sex on him. The student also stated that other students in the class touched Mints' breasts and buttocks. As detectives were investigating the first student's claims, they learned that Mints had also been exchanging text messages with a 17-year-old student. During her text conversation with the older student she allegedly asked him if he "liked white girls." She then allegedly picked the student up, drove him to her home and performed oral sex on him. Mints was booked into jail and charged with aggravated sexual assault of a child and two counts of improper relationship with students. Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Which is the best browser? Dear Webby With all this panicking about browser security, which is the best one? I don't want to have to keep switching and learning a new one every month. Alex Dear Alex I use Firefox. It gets updated frequently to stay the most secure browser, but it's no panic, if you miss some updates. It has lots of features, and because it is the most popular browser, a lot of programmers have written add-ons for it. The huge choice of add-ons can be confusing. Suffice it to say, if you do have any needs, that are not covered by the browser, there are add-ons for that. Chrome claims to be faster, but I find it less versatile. Opera is fast too, but takes some getting used to. Safari has good font rendering and is great for reading long texts, but other than that, is hardly worth mentioning. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Canned Beans Upside Down I was putting my cans in the pantry from a recent trip to the supermarket and decided to share this. For all who use canned beans of any sort, I'm sure you've had to deal with the beans on the bottom and juice/soup at the top. When you turn the can up to empty it, all the goodies are in the bottom. I store mine upside down so that all the beans settle in the top of the can and the soup is in the bottom. When I open it, everything just jumps out into the sauce pan or wave dish. I don't have to scrape or put water in it to get everything out. By MartyD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A pastor saw Robert Schuller's TV program "Hour of Power." One of the things that impressed him the most during the program was watching everyone turn around to shake hands with and greet other worshippers seated near them. The pastor felt that his church was a bit stuffy and could use a bit of friendliness. So, at Sunday morning worship he announced that next week they would initiate this custom of greeting one another. At the close of this same worship service one man turned around to the lady behind him and said a cheerful, "Good morning!" She looked back at him with shock at his boldness and said, "I beg your pardon! That friendliness business doesn't start until next Sunday!"
» Crazy Pixels

Today, May 13, in
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England.
1648 Margaret Jones of Plymouth was found guilty of witchcraft 
 and was sentenced to be hanged by the neck.
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended.
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on 
 January 18, 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight 
 days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in the U.S. 
 by Samuel Rust.
1846 The U.S. declared that war already existed with Mexico.
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in the American Civil War.
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at Appomattox
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway 
 in Menlo Park.
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft.
1917 Three peasant children near Fatima, Portugal, reported 
seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary.
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany.
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was installed 
 in Wilmar, AR.
1958 French troops took control of Algiers.
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by 
rocks thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela.
1968 Peace talks between the U.S. and North Vietnam began 
 in Paris.
1981 Pope John Paul II was shot and seriously wounded in 
 St. Peter's Square by Turkish assailant Mehmet Ali Agca.
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and the 
 radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive onto 
 the group's headquarters. 11 people died in the fire that 
 resulted.
1996 In Bangladesh 600 people were killed by a tornado.
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first 
 round had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. 
 and Japan imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed 
 that the tests were necessary to maintain India's national 
 security.
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin began. 
2013  smiled


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Is the IE browser alarm a hoax? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 12
Happy Mothers Day!

Will Microsoft have a "New Coke" moment and back-pedal with
the universally hated W8 ?
No. 
Microsoft does not have a Pepsi to worry about.
The obedient sheeple, who accepted the sawed off monitors, 
and W7, will pay for W8.

Microsoft doesn't see any reason to backtrack. They may
chuckle about us howling and bitching, but they don't really
care. W8 is on the machines, that are being shipped from 
their plants in China and Singapore. 

If you have an XP, treat it well!
Vacuum it out regularly, defrag the hard drive, and make sure
you protect it from viruses and hackers.

The same goes with W7. You are going to have to make it last
until at least W9. Most of us skipped DOS4 and VISTA, 
and W8 will go onto the same shelf. 

Microsoft does not seem to care one way or the other,
and the sales people, who told you that W7 was good for you
and suitable punishment for the sins of your youth, are
now preparing to tell you that W8 is good for you..
 
You will have to look after yourself for a while.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!" --- Will Rogers Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them. --- Ralph Gerard
>From Amy While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop." Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "go ahead." "And this is my pole," he said. My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain." And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus.
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

>From Ellen We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" my brother asked. "There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!"
Click on the picture for the large version Gullible Warming, eh?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan Zuniga, 20, Only In Florida: Suspect, 20, Fleeing From Police Is Attacked By Alligator Reported by The Smoking Gun A Florida man fleeing from cops following a traffic stop early today was attacked by an alligator during his escape attempt, investigators report. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, Bryan Zuniga was driving around 2:45 AM when deputies sought to pull over the 20-year-old’s car for “failing to maintain a single lane.” After bringing the vehicle to a stop, Zuniga--who was driving with a suspended license--allegedly bolted out the passenger door and escaped by kicking a hole through a nearby vinyl fence. Zuniga’s escape, however, was marred when he tripped over an alligator near a water treatment plant about a mile from the traffic stop. The ensuing attack left Zuniga with “multiple puncture wounds to his face, arm and armpit.” Deputies located Zuniga, seen in the above mug shot, at a local hospital where he sought treatment for the alligator bites. Upon release from the hospital, Zuniga was arrested and booked into the county jail on several counts, including a felony charge of fleeing a law enforcement officer. Zuniga is being held in lieu of $6300 bond. The alligator is back on the job guarding the sewage treatment facility. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: is the browser Alarm a hoax or real? Dear Webby I read all over that the browser has a big security hole, that hackers are using to gain control of computers. Is that just FUD mongering or is there really any danger? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen If you are using Internet Explorer 8, and don't have McAfee or Kasperki protecting your computer, then it may be too late. If you don't now what kind of browser you are using, go to http://whatbrowser.org/ It it shows you are using Internet Exploder 8, download Firefox or Chrome as fast as you can, and then retire Internet Exploder until they come up with a fix to close that big, gaping security hole. None of the other browsers have that problem. Naturally, you can also use Chrome or Opera or Safari. I recommend FireFox, because it is close enough to Internet Explorer, so that you can switch to it with a minimum of learning. No matter which browser you choose, for a while you need something better than Internet Explorer 8 You can download FireFox from http://snipurl.com/dl-ff Or Chrome from http://snipurl.com/dlchrome Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Pledge to Deter Ants Follow the ants' trail and try to find where they are entering from. Spray the area with lemon scented furniture polish (Pledge) and they will stop entering the house, kitchen, or wherever you see them. You may have multiple areas where they are coming in, so you would have to spray all of them. In my experience, I only had ants in an isolated area so it was pretty easy to find the source, on the floor baseboard from a crack in the the front of the house. I simply sprayed the furniture polish in that spot inside and left it. I didn't wipe it up or clean it off. I never saw ants again in the five years I lived there! Ants will come in from somewhere and go towards food sources so you might not necessarily have them coming in where you store the food. Hopefully this helps! By earlgirl007 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

>From Fran It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers, she put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other. very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down , "Why?" The worker yelled back, "Cause his mom's here with his lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you idiot."
» Largest Critters on Planet

Today, May 12, in
1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise 
 triumphantly entered the city.
1780 Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces.
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer.
1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian province.
1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled against 
 the Canadian government.
1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over 
 the North Pole.
1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey.
1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army 
 crossing Muese River.
1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of 
 World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from the 
 German army.
1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during WWII.
1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade.
1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian forces 
 in international waters.
1982 In Fatima, Portugal, security guards overpowered a Spanish 
 priest armed with a bayonet who was trying to reach 
 Pope John Paul II.
1992 Four suspects were arrested in the beating of trucker 
 Reginald Denny at the start of the Los Angeles riots.
2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a visit with 
 Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head of state, in or out 
 of office, had gone to the island since Castro's 1959 revolution.
2013  smiled


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Is the IE alarm a hoax or real? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 12
Happy Mothers Day!

Will Microsoft have a "New Coke" moment and back-pedal with
the universally hated W8 ?
No. 
Microsoft does not have a Pepsi to worry about.
The obedient sheeple, who accepted the sawed off monitors, 
and W7, will pay for W8.

Microsoft doesn't see any reason to backtrack. They may
chuckle about us howling and bitching, but they don't really
care. W8 is on the machines, that are being shipped from 
their plants in China and Singapore. 

If you have an XP, treat it well!
Vacuum it out regularly, defrag the hard drive, and make sure
you protect it from viruses and hackers.

The same goes with W7. You are going to have to make it last
until at least W9. Most of us skipped DOS4 and VISTA, 
and W8 will go onto the same shelf. 

Microsoft does not seem to care one way or the other,
and the sales people, who told you that W7 was good for you
and suitable punishment for the sins of your youth, are
now preparing to tell you that W8 is good for you..
 
You will have to look after yourself for a while.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!" --- Will Rogers Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them. --- Ralph Gerard
>From Amy While riding the bus, my mother noticed a young man, who was holding onto the same pole, staring at her. Eventually, he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop." Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "go ahead." "And this is my pole," he said. My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain." And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus.
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

>From Ellen We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!" "Don't look where?" my brother asked. "There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!"
Click on the picture for the large version Gullible Warming, eh?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan Zuniga, 20, Only In Florida: Suspect, 20, Fleeing From Police Is Attacked By Alligator Reported by The Smoking Gun A Florida man fleeing from cops following a traffic stop early today was attacked by an alligator during his escape attempt, investigators report. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, Bryan Zuniga was driving around 2:45 AM when deputies sought to pull over the 20-year-old’s car for “failing to maintain a single lane.” After bringing the vehicle to a stop, Zuniga--who was driving with a suspended license--allegedly bolted out the passenger door and escaped by kicking a hole through a nearby vinyl fence. Zuniga’s escape, however, was marred when he tripped over an alligator near a water treatment plant about a mile from the traffic stop. The ensuing attack left Zuniga with “multiple puncture wounds to his face, arm and armpit.” Deputies located Zuniga, seen in the above mug shot, at a local hospital where he sought treatment for the alligator bites. Upon release from the hospital, Zuniga was arrested and booked into the county jail on several counts, including a felony charge of fleeing a law enforcement officer. Zuniga is being held in lieu of $6300 bond. The alligator is back on the job guarding the sewage treatment facility. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: is the browser Alarm a hoax or real? Dear Webby I read all over that the browser has a big security hole, that hackers are using to gain control of computers. Is that just FUD mongering or is there really any danger? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen If you are using Internet Explorer 8, and don't have McAfee or Kasperki protecting your computer, then it may be too late. If you don't now what kind of browser you are using, go to http://whatbrowser.org/ It it shows you are using Internet Exploder 8, download Firefox or Chrome as fast as you can, and then retire Internet Exploder until they come up with a fix to close that big, gaping security hole. None of the other browsers have that problem. Naturally, you can also use Chrome or Opera or Safari. I recommend FireFox, because it is close enough to Internet Explorer, so that you can switch to it with a minimum of learning. No matter which browser you choose, for a while you need something better than Internet Explorer 8 You can download FireFox from http://snipurl.com/dl-ff Or Chrome from http://snipurl.com/dlchrome Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Pledge to Deter Ants Follow the ants' trail and try to find where they are entering from. Spray the area with lemon scented furniture polish (Pledge) and they will stop entering the house, kitchen, or wherever you see them. You may have multiple areas where they are coming in, so you would have to spray all of them. In my experience, I only had ants in an isolated area so it was pretty easy to find the source, on the floor baseboard from a crack in the the front of the house. I simply sprayed the furniture polish in that spot inside and left it. I didn't wipe it up or clean it off. I never saw ants again in the five years I lived there! Ants will come in from somewhere and go towards food sources so you might not necessarily have them coming in where you store the food. Hopefully this helps! By earlgirl007 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

>From Fran It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased with the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers, she put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?" They shook their heads and looked at each other. very confused. One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down , "Why?" The worker yelled back, "Cause his mom's here with his lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove today, you idiot."
» Largest Critters on Planet

Today, May 12, in
1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise 
 triumphantly entered the city.
1780 Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces.
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer.
1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian province.
1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled against 
 the Canadian government.
1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over 
 the North Pole.
1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey.
1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army 
 crossing Muese River.
1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of 
 World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from the 
 German army.
1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during WWII.
1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade.
1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian forces 
 in international waters.
1982 In Fatima, Portugal, security guards overpowered a Spanish 
 priest armed with a bayonet who was trying to reach 
 Pope John Paul II.
1992 Four suspects were arrested in the beating of trucker 
 Reginald Denny at the start of the Los Angeles riots.
2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a visit with 
 Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head of state, in or out 
 of office, had gone to the island since Castro's 1959 revolution.
2013  smiled


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Windows open too small 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 8

By the time you read this, I will be on my way to Calgary
to get more injections into my eyeballs.

You know the drill. Thursday, Friday, Saturday there won't
be a newsletter, because my vision is not good enough to
see what I am doing after those injections.

When I come home from there, I have problems undoing my 
shoe laces, and have to use the scissors, if they don't
cooperate. 
Sunday morning I will be back in your mailbox.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. --- Daniel J. Boorstin
>From Fred I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section, though." I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!" She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Thanks to Dave for this classic: When the office printer's type began to grow faint (this was one of the old dot-matrix printers), the office manager called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he said, the manager might try reading the printer's manual and doing the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
Click on the picture for the large version You can order the INS and all kinds of border control patches from Copshop.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Hotz, 59, Valley Stream, NY Jailed For Beating Woman To The Ground Over Expired Coupon For Free Ice Cream Cone Reported by The Weekly Vice William Hotz, a 59-year-old Valley Stream man, was jailed Wednesday after he repeatedly punched a female cashier in the face because she wouldn't accept an expired coupon for a free ice cream cone. According to Nassau County police, Hotz went to a local ice cream shop, and ordered a $3.50 ice cream cone. After he received his order, he attempted to pay for it with an expired coupon that offered "one free ice cream cone." When the 55-year-old female cashier told him that his coupon was expired and that he'd have to pay for his ice cream cone, Hotz became angry and stormed out of the shop. When the cashier followed him outside, Hotz retaliated by repeatedly punching her in the face. When officers arrived on the scene, Hotz took a combative stance, flailed his arms and refused to be taken into custody. Officers on the scene waited for backup before finally placing Hotz under arrest. The victim received cuts and swelling to her lip, but refused medical treatment. Hotz was booked into jail and charged with robbery and resisting arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Jim H Re: Windows open small Dear Webby Again I come to you, thanking you for you wisdom and asking another question. When I want to open a folder for a picture or whatever, the window shows small. I can expand it by dragging the corners, but the next time I open it, it is a small window again. Is there any way to have the windows open "full screen" every time. This happens with Eudora when I want to insert a picture and also with other programs. Thank you again, jh Dear Jim From what I can find on the net, that problem seems to be related to internet Explorer. People, who use FireFox or Chrome have never heard of that problem. I found three potential solutions: =================== to solve the problem regarding minimized window size of ie 8 in windows 7 and make it to a full window. Open only one ie8 window on the upper bar of the window right click it and choose size resize the window to its full view then go to file menu and choose exit. there you go open ie 8 it will surely default in full view lucas3x ==================== go to tools, internet options, under "Tabs" click settings, select "always open pop-ups in a new tab" Apparently explorer recognizes new windows as a pop-up. enjoy weez4real ==================== A FREE third party software is suggested which seems to do the job well (http://www.southbaypc.com/AutoSizer/) but we still would like a proper response or fix from Microsoft. Ghistrem 2009 ==================== Take your pick or try them all, until you find one, that works. Or try FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tennis Balls as Alternative to Dryer Sheets To save money and time when drying your clothes, instead of using dryer sheets or dryer balls, put three tennis balls in the dryer with your load. This saves you money by not having to buy dryer sheets and cuts drying time in half. The tennis balls can be used over and over. They also make your clothes softer. I do this every time. By blueeyes27 from Peru, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t would be correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."
» Small Wonders

Today, May 8, in
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. 
 They passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against 
 King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. 
 He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. 
 He was the French chemist that discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. 
 The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what 
 would later be called "Coca-Cola."
1902 Mount Pelee on Martinique erupted and killed over 
 30,000 people and destroyed the town of St. Pierre.
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the 
 Belgian legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that 
 designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union resumed.
1967 Muhammad Ali was indicted for refusing induction in U.S. Army.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on 
 New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota 
 hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th 
 anniversary of Coca-Cola. 78 days later it was dumped.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated 
 from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water in 
 Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of shortages 
 that 2 million already faced.
2013  smiled


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A way to get your address blocked 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla (1857 - 1943), A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. "What for?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

The other day, I had no choice, I had to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I went to the Army-Navy surpluse store, and bought some OD pants and a shirt. Then I sewed a couple of patches on which I grabbed from the internet. Stuck on my pilot sunglasses and was off! It was amazing how many people left as I walked in. I guess they suddenly decided they werent' that sick after all. Here is the patch that you can sew on your clothing if you are in need of reasonably prompt emergency service. You can order the ptches from Copshop.com
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystal Thomas, 23, Syracuse, N.Y. Jailed After Stabbing Toddler Son In Testicles During Argument With Child's Father Reported by The Weekly Vice Krystal Thomas, a 23-year-old New York woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly stabbed her 2-year-old son's testicles in retaliation for an argument she was having with the child's father. According to police, the incident began on Tuesday when Thomas and her boyfriend, Ron Craven, became engaged in an argument that began spiraling out of control. Craven decided to leave the residence for awhile, hoping that Thomas would calm down in his absence. When he returned to the house, however, he found Thomas "acting stranger than usual" while holding a butcher knife in her hand. Investigators say the couple began arguing again and continued to argue as Craven went outside into the driveway. That's when Thomas reportedly jumped into a vehicle and attempted to run Craven over. Craven was rolled onto the vehicle's hood as he tried to jump out of the way. Thomas backed up for a second run. During Thomas' second attempt, she struck the home's front porch and another vehicle before fleeing the scene. When Craven walked into the residence to check on their son, he found the boy bleeding heavily from the groin area. The boy was taken to an area hospital where it was discovered he had been stabbed in the testicles. The boy was treated for a two-inch stab wound and is expected to recover. When officers found Thomas the next day, she reportedly told them that she stabbed her son to "stop him from later multiplying," according to the arrest affidavit. She was booked into jail and charged with felony counts of assault, attempted assault and reckless endangerment. She remains held in lieu of $500,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Auto responder Dear Webby At first I was miffed at your reply, that sounded like you had preached the same thing too many times. Pardon me for not having been subscribed as long as others. Then I phoned my daughter, hoping she had a different explanation. Well, golly, she didn't. And she had me blacklisted! Not on purpose, but as you said, anything that smells like an auto- responder gets dumped and the sender blacklisted. Now I dumped my autoresponder, and the stupid book that recommended it. Thanks Alice Dear Alice Good for you! Autoresponders are only justified when they deliver requested information, like for example a price list, or weather update, or event schedule, or even race results when somebody sends a blank email to a certain address. Other than that, it's best to avoid them like the plague. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Raised Beds Using Cardboard Boxes This year I want to try raised beds in my garden, but I don't want to spend any money on purchasing the wood necessary to make them, plus all the work involved. So I came up with this idea - why not use cardboard boxes from the grocery stores? I plan on getting approximately 12 inch deep ones with sturdier sides. I think that they should hold up for one entire summer. I will let you know how I fare with them. If this works, I'll be so happy! By annelaundrie from Green Bay, WI Cardboard will just make a big mess. You can get "slabs", the sides of logs, for free from any sawmill. They will even cut them to 4 feet length, so that you can haul them on your bicycle or in a car. Hammer those slabs into the ground or bury the ends of them, and stomp the dirt on their side, so that you have a tight fence. Regular hay-wire ($5 / mile) strung from side to side will keep them from leaning out as you fill the beds. To fill raied beds to waist high, for easy planting, weeding, harvesting, the proper way is to start with heater stuff. Cardboard, roots from stumps, rotten wood, etc., stuff that will slowly decompose and provide spring and fall heat. Then on top of that put a layer of compost. That will provide nutrition and faster heat. Top it off with screened garden dirt. If you just want edging, up to a foot high, you can use slabs lengthwise, held in place with concrete re-bar hammered in, or even sticks hammered in to keep them in place. Peeled slabs look quite nice and after a few seasons turn silvery. They last 20 - 25 years. Some people paint them black to absorb more sun in spring, but because the wood is an insulator, that is a waste of time. If you want to plant earlier, put re-bar or plastic pipe hoops like on a covered wagon onto your raised beds and cover them with clear plastic. Make the ends so that they are easy to open, preferably with a string from your house, and put a large exterior thermometer into at least one of them. Even if the nights and mornings are below freezing, afternoons can make your raised bed hothouses way too hot for plants. That system with slabs and hooped plastic tunnel worked fine for me and others even in the Yukon. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when a salesman runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "I found it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in,sat down, then asked, "Where's John?" "Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks.
» Cubby Holes

Today, May 7, in
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew 
 over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship, was sunk by a German 
 submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the 
 first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy 
 fleets fought without seeing each other.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. 
 It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic Games 
 by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at 
 Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected the 
 Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in 
 the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans 
 who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the 
 defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit 
 during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been 
 plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar 
 agreements to return the gold.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. 
 It was the largest industrial merger on record. 
1998 Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the 
 first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed 
 and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the 
 Chinese embassy.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six 
 fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others 
 to test drive during the next two years.
2013  smiled


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Monitors from Costco? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 6.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. --- Carl Sagan (Like he did with his "Ice Age Is Coming" campaign at the END of the previous cooling ripple, which was the model for Al Gore's "Gullible Warming" campaign, at the END of the warming ripple.)
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for hours for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Becky and Sally were doing some carpentry work on their house. Becky, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" Feel free to change the names when you re-tell this one!
Thanks to Sailor for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nikki Scherwitz, 25, Freeport, TX Teacher jailed For Having Sex With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Nikki Scherwitz, a 25-year-old English teacher at Brazosport High School, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a 16-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched April 22nd after Scherwitz showed up at a student planned after-prom party, drank alcohol and then left with a 16-year-old student. Investigators say rumors of an alleged sexual relationship between Scherwitz and a student had been circulating around the school for weeks when she showed up at a student's home for an after-prom party on April 20. "One of the students told her it wasn't right for her to be there and drink booze, and asked her to leave," said Raymond Garivey of the Freeport Police Dept. "We have information that she was consuming alcohol." Suspicion was raised even further, however, when Scherwitz allegedly left the party with a 16-year-old student. As the investigation unfolded, Scherwitz allegedly admitted to having a relationship with the student that spanned several weeks. "The relationship started with text messaging, which led to explicit text messaging, which led to sex," said Garivey. Scherwitz reportedly resigned her position with the school on April 22nd when she learned that she was under investigation for the alleged relationship. Although Scherwitz is married she is now separated from her husband, according to reports. Scherwitz was booked into the Freeport Jail and charged with sexual assault of a child and improper relationship between educator and student. She was released after posting $50,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: VGA monitor Dear Webby, I need to buy a new monitor. My gorgeous Lenovo 1600x1200 LED monitor died. I am limping along on the old NEC 19" CRT, that has been sitting in the garage for many years now. It too is 1600x1200, but I can hardly believe how dim it is compared to a modern LED monitor! I realize that 4:3 monitors are reserved for Asia and that we just get the rejects, that are only 2/3 as high, but I can't afford to fly to China or Singapore to buy a 4:3 monitor, so I am gritting my teeth and preparing to settle on what you call a "Sawed off runt". Well, nobody wanted W7 either, but accepted it with nary a whimper. If some aliens want to take us over, all they have to do is tell us slavery is a fashionable upgrade. Anyway, before i get into politics, back to monitors. I saw a bunch of nice looking monitors at Costco with prices, that seemed as good or better than Tiger's, but would save me the shipping cost. I realize that the floor crew at Costco specializes on being friendly, but usually does not know much more than the price, same as at any store, these days. So I am asking you: Are those monitors a good deal? Angela Dear Angela I had to get a prescription refill anyway, so I went and had a look at the monitors at Costco. Those monitors are OK, if you have just bought a computer from them. I saw a Samsung labelled VGA, DVI, 24". $159 I asked them to open a box. No problem. There was a DVI cable included, to fit this year's computers, but no VGA cable to fit your older computer. DUH! I asked, if the VGA cable for computers, that are more than one or two years old, are available as an option, since the label on the shelf said VGA, DVI. He phoned the back office. You are right about the floor crew at Costco being very friendly. However, the back-office seems to be staffed with people, who have sharp elbows and PMS. He was told that the included cable fit the computers, that they were currently selling. Maybe a competitor was selling cables. So, if your computer is a few years old, then hopefully the VGA cable on the old monitor is detachable and not hardwired in. Then you can re-use that cable. Otherwise you will have to go to a local recycler or pack-rat and buy a used VGA cable. 15 pin VGA is analog, 17 pin DVI is digital. If you have secured a 15 pin VGA cable, then go for it. Just make sure you got a cable before you spend money. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fruit Fly Trap I absolutely hate fruit flies! This trap is very easy to make and works really well. I always have this trap set up on the counter, so an infestation never has a chance to take hold. :) Approximate Time: 5 minutes Supplies: red wine vinegar Dawn dish soap plastic wrap rubber band toothpick clear jar Put 3-4 drops of Dawn soap into the bottom of the jar. Pour 6 Tbsp. of red wine vinegar into the jar (or enough to fill it about 1/4 in.). Gently swirl the jar around to combine the ingredients. Place a piece of plastic wrap over the jar and pull it tight across the top. Secure it with a rubber band. Trim off any excess plastic. Using a toothpick, poke holes into the plastic so the flies can get in. Place your trap near any fruit you have out on the counter. Goodbye fruit flies! NOTE: I change out my mixture about every 2 weeks, more often if I am catching a lot of fruit flies. By lalala... Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in many years!
» Cubby Holes

Today, May 6, in
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of 
 Ghagra, India.
1840 The first adhesive postage stamps went on sale in GB
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1861 Arkansas became the ninth state to secede from the Union.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The act 
 barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, marking 
 the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the exposition was 
 the first automobile in Paris, the Mercedes-Benz.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of the 
 Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on Corregidor 
 surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to 
 Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the Pulitzer 
 Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong Jones. 
 They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris submarine.
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the English Channel 
 links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit against U.S. 
 President Clinton. The case alleged that he had sexually harassed 
 her in 1991.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. 
 She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's wife, 
 Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than 
 $100 million in its first weekend.
2013  smiled


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Stuck in CAPS 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 5.
Cinco de Mayo, state holiday in Mexifornia.
The Cinco de Mayo is not, in its origins, a Mexican holiday
at all but rather an American one, created by Latinos in 
California in the middle of the 19th century. The key events
celebrated on May 5 were taking place in Mexico, when Mexico
beat up the French Army and prevented France from supplying
the Confederates with arms and ammo and support and from 
breaking the Union blockade of the Southern ports.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. --- Socratex A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett
Thanks to Nanarina for this news item: Detroit Police last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 2 tons of heroin, $5 million in forged US banknotes and 15 trafficked Latino prostitutes - all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library on Woodward Ave. Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said, "We all be shocked; none of us never knew we had a liberry."
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A Jewish woman's husband dies. He only had $30,000 to his name. After everything was done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is none of the $30,000 left. The friend asked, "How can that be?" The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the shul ..that was $500, and I spent another $500 for food and drinks for the people when I was sitting shiva. The rest went for the memorial stone." Her friend said, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My, how big is it?" The widow said, "Three carats."
Thanks to Sailor for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version These flares were 200,000 km hih. 200,000 km = 25,000 times as high as Mt Everest
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dareka Brooks,22, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Hooker Jailed After Macing Boy, Fleeing Scene With Piggy Bank and iPad Reported by The Weekly Vice Dareka Brooks, a 22-year-old Milwaukee woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly robbed a 14-year-old boy of his piggy bank after he tried to pay her for sex. According to the Cook County Sheriff's Office, a 14-year-old boy used his iPad to contact Brooks after he logged onto a website known for listing pay-for-sex advertisements. Brooks reportedly agreed to the boy's invitation and arranged to meet him at his home while his parents were away. When Brooks arrived at the boy's home to carry out the encounter, she told him to go into a bedroom and take off his pants. While the teen was sitting on his bed, Brooks maced him and fled the scene with his iPad, a piggy bank and an undisclosed amount of cash. Investigators say the teen immediately called police and gave them a description of Brooks and the vehicle she left in. Officers were able to locate Brooks at a local hotel after she turned on the boy's iPad. She was apprehended at the scene when police found the stolen items in her possession. Brooks was booked into jail and charged with armed robbery. Her bond has been set at $10,000. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Caps Locked text Dear Webby, I am editing (pro bono) a local service club monthly bulletin and occasionally get a script IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I don't mind going through two or three paragraphs, but it will take forever to rewrite several pages -- not to mention how boring it is. If anyone knows a shortcut, I figure it is you. CAN YOU HELP? Thanx, Jerry Dear Jerry Just send it back to them and tell them that they are giving AOL a bad name, again. Jerry, you are not doing them a favor by lowering your standards to theirs! Bring them up to YOURS! He's a poor teacher, who has never been called a meanie. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opt-Out of Yellow Pages Delivery You can opt-out of receiving the yellow pages by visiting the following address. I almost never use a paper yellow pages any more since just about every business has a website so I really appreciate not having to receive delivery of them. yellowpagesoptout.com By Fletcher Sandbeck Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't know you still needed one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Waiting in a long, slow-moving line for security clearance at the Edmonton International Airport in Canada, I was annoyed to hear a loud male voice behind me. "Excuse me, excuse me," said the man as he pushed his way to the front. "I want to make sure I get a good seat." I resolved not to let this line-jumper get ahead of me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder. I slowly turned around, prepared to give the man a sriously raised eybrow, -- but found myself face to face with a smiling pilot.
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments. "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"
» Original Hoop Dancers

Today, May 5, in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second 
trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY.
1821 Napoleon Bonaparte died on the island of St. Helena, 
where he had been in exile.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as 
 Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing 
 slavery in the U.S.
1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers' 
 strike in Chicago, IL.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese Exclusion 
Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese in the U.S. 
to be registered or face deportation.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, 
was arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi 
 control.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1981 Irish Republican Army hunger-striker Bobby Sands died 
 at the Maze Prison in Northern Ireland. It was his 66th 
 day without food.
2000 The final episode of "Boy Meets World" aired on ABC. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of PC-TOOLS? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, May 4.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. --- P. B. Medawar (1915 - ?) A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright (1876 - 1944) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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In a recent survey, 47% of Americans said they thought there was a serious immigration problem that this administration needed to address. The other 53% responded, "No hablo Ingles."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephanie Middleton, 34, St Martin, Miss. Jailed After Sending Drugs To Jailbird Husband Using US Mail Reported by The Weekly Vice When Stephanie Middleton was lucky enough to be granted house arrest instead of an 8-year prison sentence following her burglary conviction, she did what any smart girl would NOT do. She began using the United States Postal Service to send drugs to her husband who is currently spending time in jail. According to the Jackson County Sheriff's Office, Stephanie's husband, 34-year-old Joseph Middleton, is incarcerated at the Jackson County Jail on numerous charges, including grand larceny, possession of stolen property, and burglary. Investigators say while Mr. Middleton was incarcerated, Mrs. Middleton reportedly sent an undisclosed amount of prescription Fentanyl patches to him through the U.S. Postal Service. Police discovered the patches and an undisclosed amount of morphine at her residence and took her into custody. Mrs. Middleton was booked into the South Mississippi Correctional Facility and charged with two counts of drug possession and introducing contraband into a jail. If she is convicted on all drug charges and her home detention is reversed, she will face up to 32 years in prison. Mr. Middleton remains jailed at the Jackson County Jail. He is also facing a charge of introducing contraband into a jail. Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Get rid of PC-TOOLS I need to uninstatll PC Tools from the PC. It's also call Spyware Doctor. Going to add/remove programs does not work. Thanks for all the great fun you send our way. martha@ Dear Martha You MIGHT find an Uninstall file in the PC-Tools directory. If there isn't follow the instructions at Remove PC-TOOLS It would be a good idea to print that out, and use a big, fat black MarkAll to totally obliterate the ads, that they snuck into the text, so that you don't get sidetracked while you are working on that. You can't click on the printed paper anyway. The instructions look rather scary and are similar to the instructions for getting rid of really nasty trojams, but that's what you get for using PC-TOOLS. By the way, I used to really like PC-TOOLS until it was taken over by Symantec (Norton) in 1994. It had been the major competitor to Norton Utilities, but in the early 1990's the media badmouthed PC-TOOLS and helped Symantec in a hostile take-over. Norton then trashed PC-TOOLS down to their level and made it just as difficult to UN-install. I had stopped using Norton in the late 80's when I found out that they deliberately marked a prime spot on the hard drive as bad and hid registration and expiry information in there, and did not reverse that, when it was un-installed. They CLAIM to be Windows compatible, even though to get the "Windows Compatible" logo, a program would need to provide single click UNinstallation or UNinstallation via Program Manager. Good luck with your UNinstallation! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opt-Out of Yellow Pages Delivery You can opt-out of receiving the yellow pages by visiting the following address. I almost never use a paper yellow pages any more since just about every business has a website so I really appreciate not having to receive delivery of them. yellowpagesoptout.com By Fletcher Sandbeck Excellent idea! Now that I have Yellow Pages books permanetly installed under my monitor and a few of them in the garage to use as cheap jack stands, I really don't need any more. Haev FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>Thanks to Vern for this one: I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow covered area. The pilot descended to just a dozen feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said. As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow, and I have been in Hawaii for two weeks."
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."
» Original Hoop Dancers

Today, May 4, in
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians at 
 the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between Spain 
 and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. 
 Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for 
 $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months 
 before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France, and 
 massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a 
 demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal prison 
 for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay ended. 
 Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to 14%.
1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex 
 bra ads.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted 
 of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted 
 of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair. 
 The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader 
 Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian 
 autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life sentences 
 plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA. The 
 sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski 
 the death penalty.
1999 Manuel Babbitt was executed for killing Leah Schendel 
 in 1980. Babbitt had received a purple heart for his injuries 
 in Vietnam while on death row.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the horse 
 family to be cloned.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
 $106.5 million. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of HP Web Smart Printing nuisance  



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 3.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


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An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. --- Charles F. Kettering (1876 - 1958) The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology. --- Red Auerbach
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He though about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6.
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Jerry, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to Jill at the bar and stared up to the TV. The 10:00 PM news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building preparing to jump. Jill looked at Jerry and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Jerry replied, "You know, I bet he will." Jill said, "Well, I bet he won't." Jerry placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on." Just as Jill placed her money on the bar, the guy shown on the TV did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. Jill was very upset but handed $20 to Jerry saying, "Fair's fair, here's your money." Jerry replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." Jill replied, "I saw it too, but I didn't think he'd do it again." Jerry took the money.
Thanks to Natalie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Natalie wants to know what it is called.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eduard A. Kovynev, 27, and Eduard P. Kovynev, 26 in Duluth, Georgia Jailed After Falling Through Ceiling During Ladies' Room Peep Session Reported by The Weekly Vice Georgia residents Eduard A. Kovynev, 27, and Eduard P. Kovynev, 26, were jailed Sunday after they allegedly crashed through a ceiling at a local movie theater while attempting to spy on women using the restroom. According to Gwinnett County Police, officers were dispatched to Venture Value Cinema in Duluth after two men crashed through a ceiling into the ladies' restroom located inside the theater. Investigators say the suspects climbed up into the ceiling from the mens' restroom and then crawled over to the ladies' restroom to spy on the unsuspecting women inside. That's when the ceiling suddenly collapsed and the two men fell through. The two men, who share the same first and last name, were booked into the Gwinnett County Jail and charged with "peeping Tom" criminal damage to property, and public intoxication. They were both released after posting $5,000 bond each. Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Get rid of HP Web Smart Printing nuisance Hi, Webby, well, uninstalling that silly Smart Web Printing is a 'no-go' It won't let me uninstall it. So now what? When I go to Add/Remove programs there is no way it will let me uninstall it. It's driving me crazy. I'm thinking that maybe it's best to take this whole tower to my tech fella and get him to re-vamp this whole thing. This all started when my son unhooked my HP printer, and hooked it up to his laptop to print our Tax returns. Then, when he hooked it up again, this is what has happened. I'm going to check that ClickBook site and see if there's any help there. Thanks for all your help. Cheers, Wendy Dear Wendy Apparently you are not the only person suffering from that "HP Smart Web Malfunction". The forums are full of complaints. However, i found a solution, that apparently works: When you have IE open, click Tools, click Manage Add-Ons, click on HP Smart Web Printing on the list and then click the option to Disable this add-on. Close all open IE and then re-open it. HP Smart Web Printing should no longer automatically load. With FireFox it's the same. Tools, Add-ons, etc. ClickBook is defintiely an excellent idea for managing involved print jobs. Anything from labels to 4 "page" per sheet eBooks in paperback book format is automated by it, and when not needed, it politely exits, completely, without anything lurking in the memory. Clickbook won't get in the way of regular printing. When you do need it, you select it as if you were selecting one of many printers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fresh Smelling Laundry My husband is a runner and his clothes get really smelly. They were making all the laundry have an odor. I used several different brands of detergent, but his clothes still had an odor. I finally started adding one cup of household white vinegar to each load of clothes. No more odor! All the clothes come out smelling great and no more sweaty smell to my husband's sports clothes. By LUCI MCMULLEN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted, "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After twenty-five years in the same parish, Father O'Malley was saying his farewells at his retirement dinner. An eminent member of the congregation - a leading politician - had been asked to make a presentation and a short speech, but was late arriving. So the priest took it upon himself to fill the time, and stood up to the microphone: "I remember the first confession I heard here twenty-five years ago and it worried me as to what sort of place I'd come to... That first confession remains the worst I've ever heard. The chap confessed that he'd stolen a TV set from a neighbor and lied to the police when questioned, successfully blaming it on a local scallywag. He said that he'd stolen money from his parents and from his employer; that he'd had affairs with several of his friends' wives; that he'd taken hard drugs, and had slept with another woman and given her a disease. You can imagine what I thought... However I'm pleased to say that as the days passed I soon realized that this sad fellow was a frightful exception and that this parish was indeed a wonderful place full of kind and decent people." At this point the politician arrived and apologized for being late, and keen to take the stage, he immediately stepped up to the microphone and pulled his speech from his pocket: "I'll always remember when Father O'Malley first came to our parish," said the politician, "In fact, I'm certain, that I was the first person in the parish that he heard in confession."
An older man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to a Mrs. Vinnie Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since December, abd that a certain Mrs Vinnie Smith got pregnant."
» Radiation Belt

Today, May 3, in
1568 French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 France declared war on Austria.
1888 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were 
 executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 The revival of Wilde's "The Importance of Being Earnest" opened in New York.
1926 In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1944 Wartime rationing of most grades of meats ended in the U.S.
1944 Dr. Robert Woodward and Dr. William Doering produced the first 
 synthetic quinine at Harvard University.
1945 Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from the Japanese.
1952 The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook Dai Do 
 complex in Vietnam. They found that the North Vietnamese had 
 evacuated the area.
1971 Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations in 
 Washington, DC.
1986 In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned Delta 
 rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after liftoff. 
 Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy Reagan 
 had used astrological advice to help schedule her husband's 
 activities.
1992 Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, CA. 
 The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the acquittal of 
 police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities ending 
 an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. The 
 group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
1999 Mark Manes, at age 22, was arrested for supplying a gun to 
 Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold, who later killed 13 people at 
 Columbine High School in Colorado.
2000 The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people in 
 the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui 
 was given a sentence of life in prison for his role in the 
 terrorist attack on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 
2013  smiled


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headphone batteries 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. --- Robert Orben Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages. --- Dave Barry Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end. "Hello, is this Bonnie D?" "Yes." "We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them, "I'm very busy right now. You will have to survey your own briefs."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

>Thanks to fred for this: Married 52 years, I took a look at my wife Julie yesterday and said, "Honey, 52 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I go to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old chick. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 70+ year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." Now Julie is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old chick, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kim Decker, 52, Rockaway Township, N.J. Jailed After Stuffing Bra With 333 Folds Of Heroin Reported by The Weekly Vice Kim Decker, a 52-year-old New Jersey woman, was jailed Monday after she was allegedly caught with more than 300 f olds of heroin stuffed inside her bra. According to New Jersey State Police, Decker was driving erratically on Route 80 Monday at about 1:30 a.m. when a trooper on patrol took notice and pulled over her Honda Accord. When the trooper approached the vehicle and spoke to Decker, neither she or the two passenger that were with her had valid drivers' licenses. The trooper called in a tow truck and prepared to have the vehicle impounded. As Decker and the two passengers were exiting the vehicle, the trooper noticed a wax fold in plain sight laying inside the vehicle. Knowing that wax folds were a common item used to package and distribute heroin, the trooper took Decker and the two passengers into custody. That's when Decker allegedly told the trooper that she had heroin hidden inside her bra. The trooper transported the three suspects to the Netcong police barracks where a female officers found 333 wax folds of heroin hidden inside her bra. Officers also searched Decker's Honda, which produced drug paraphernalia, according to an arrest affidavit. Decker was booked into the Morris County Correctional Facility and charged with possession of heroin and possession of heroin with intent to distribute. Her bail was set at $50,000. Passengers William Malony and Ernest Broadwell (both 51) were booked into jail on similar charges. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: headphone batteries Webby, depending in what kind of headphones Nancy has, they may require additional batteries or even have a hard to see on off switch, as another consideration CArol T Dear Carol You are right! And some headphones have an in-line volume-control and Mute switch in the cable. The socket for the headphone plug should be protected as much as possible. Make sure no books or anything will ever rest on the plug, or that the plug is nicely supported. A right angle plug that is as flush as possible is always a very good investment, considering how much repairs of a laptop motherbaord cost. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recognizing Your Luggage When on a recent trip, I noticed one traveler attached a colorful nylon "scrubbie" to his luggage. Not only was it cute, but really stood out from the rest of us with ribbon attached to our luggage. The dollar store sells them and really makes it easy to identify your luggage. Happy traveling! By Tedebear from San Jose CA Excellent idea! I remember when I was the first one to use a bright red belt in the early 70's, and how colored belts become common in the 90's. So I switched to a bright red wheely. Well, by the mid 2000's those became very fashionable, so I painted a 4" wide, bright yellow stripe on all six sides. They have not copied that, yet. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to just boil the sauce again and it should be fine. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
» Human Planet

Today, May 2, in
1519 Leonardo da Vinci died.
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced 
 British troops to agree to evacuate the port of 
 Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1863 Confederate Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson was 
 wounded by his own men in the battle of 
 Chancellorsville, VA. He died 8 days later.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward 
 for the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies 
 are shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1919 The first U.S. air passenger service started.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests, did not depart until 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1960 Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex 
 offender and had become a best selling author while on 
 death row.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit 
 television pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State 
 University burn down the campus ROTC building. The 
 National Guard took control of the campus.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's 
 only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland 
 Islands War. More than 350 people died.
2002 It was reported that Phyllis Diller had retired 
 from touring.
2013  smiled


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No sound from earphones 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 1

Half the snow has melted. 
Ignoring the hype and just considering facts, this winter's
total average was half a degree Celsius colder than average
winters. Last time we had that, we had a really nice summer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States. --- J. Bartlett Brebner When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest. --- William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)
A man phoned his doctor late at night saying his wife appeared to have appendicitis. "That's impossible," the physician replied, peeved at being woken up. "She had an appendectomy six years ago. Dont be stupid. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?" "No," the husband replied. "However, have you never seen anybody marrying again after a divorce?"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

>Thanks to Lynn for this: One of my most difficult jobs as a flight attendant is to enforce rules while keeping customers happy. The electronic equipment that comes on board creates the biggest challenge. I walk the aisle asking passengers to turn off computers, electronic games and cell phones, which can create inter- ference in communications between the pilot and the air traffic control tower. During one landing, a man persistently kept his cell phone at his ear. I confronted him and said, "Sir, you cannot talk on your phone until we reach the gate." "I am not talking," he replied. "My wife is. I'm just listening. I can't get her to stop." So I grabbed his phone and showed him how to stop her, and told him, he can get it back when he exits the plane.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cara Alexander, 27, Newport News, VA Teacher jailed for Sexting With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Cara Alexander, a 27-year-old English teacher at Woodside High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly sent nude pictures to and engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a student. According to Newport News Police, an investigation was launched after the parents of a 17-year-student found nude photographs of Alexander on their son's cell phone and discovered evidence that she was having an inappropriate relationship with him. Investigators say Alexander was the student's teacher before he changed schools recently. No inappropriate physical encounters are believed to have occurred on the school campus. School administrators are preparing to terminate Alexander's employment at the school, according to the district superintendent. Alexander was booked into the Newport News City Jail and charged with 6 felony counts of using a communications system to facilitate certain offenses involving children, six counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and 1 felony count of taking indecent liberties with a minor. Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: No sound in earphones Hey Webby, Wondered if you could help me. I purchased a set of headphones to plug into my Dell laptop so I could listen to music or watch a DVD without disturbing my husband. BUT, I can't seem to get the headphones to work! I am unable to get any sound out of them. Any thoughts? Nancy Dear Nancy Try the other two of the 3 similar looking sockets with mysterious and hard to see symbols. If you have the machine connected to external speakers, unplug those and plug the headphones into that socket. If you have sound coming from the internal squeakers, that internal squeaker sound will instantly stop, when you have found the right socket. If it doesn't, then call Dell about warranty. If the squeaker sound stops when you have found the right socket, but there is no sound in the headphones, then return the headphones and get different ones. That headphone / external speaker socket is the most fragile part on a laptop. It has a little leaf spring in it, that disconnects the internal squeakers, when external speakers or headphones are plugged in. Because the plugs stick out awkwardly, a lot of undue force gets put on that tiny little spring and the socket, and problems have to be expected. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repelling Insects in Cabinets Sprinkle a little borax around the corners of your cabinets in your kitchen and bath to repel insects. By Robin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that darn thing on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth, you never used to." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth?"
Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours. Well, actually, she spoke for four hours, while I near the phone was..." Schwartz says, "Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison...."
Dear Webby I finally decided to get the MailWasher from the left side. Should have listened to your advice a lot sooner. It saved me over an hour every day so far, and sorts the mail more accurately than I can by hand. Thanks! Gilbert
» Ingenious Business Card Designs

Today, May 1, in
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Habsburg lands.
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies.
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form 
 Great Britain.
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all 
 freed slaves to leave the state, or risk either 
 imprisonment or deportation.
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL.
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines.
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer.
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight.
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin.
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act 
 of neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II.
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight.
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army advanced 
 on Berlin.
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of 
 the Third Reich.
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea 
 (North Korea) was proclaimed.
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts 
 encircled Earth.
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down 
 over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner.
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more elections 
 in Cuba.
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the 
 support of naval fire, continue their attack on a 
 North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do.
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown 
 Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia.
1971 The National Railroad Passenger Corp. (Amtrak) went 
 into service. It was established by the U.S. Congress to 
 run the nation's intercity railroads.
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit 
 passenger car exports to the United States over the next 
 three years.
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident.
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his Ford 
 Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a speed of 
 212.229 mph.
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in public 
 to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?"
2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her remains 
 were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. California 
 Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to 
 his relationship with Levy.
2011 U.S. President Barack Obama announced that U.S. soldiers 
 had killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan.
2013  smiled


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CrapCleaner Answers 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 30.
Fresh snow again, not much, though, just 5 - 6 inches.
However, it has not stopped snowing yet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato --------------- Seems to me, his wife loudly disagreed with that.
Lost in Translation A Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. "Well," he began, "I just want you to know that I'm tickled to death to be here." A look of agony appeared on the interpreter's face. "This poor man," he said in halting Chinese, "scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you."
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Thanks to Martin for this story: "Birds and Bees" A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows About the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting Into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!" Confused, the father asks what's wrong. "Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa Speech.' "At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' Speech.' "When I was eight, you hit me with the ' There's no tooth fairy' speech. "If you're going to tell me that grown ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Click on the picture for the large version Bigamy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Smith, 38, Oklahoma City, OK Jailed After Setting His Father On Fire After Father Complained About Loud Music Reported by The Weekly Vice David Smith, a 38-year-old Oklahoma man, has jailed Monday after he allegedly set his father on fire during an argument over loud music. According to Oklahoma City Police, Smith was sitting on his bedroom floor listening to music when his father walked in and asked him to turn the music down. Instead, Smith turned the music up, which sparked an argument between the two men. In retaliation, Smith grabbed a can of gasoline from the kitchen, poured it on his father, then used a cigarette to set him on fire. The father and a woman living at the residence put out the flames while Smith fled the scene. The victim was rushed to an area hospital where he was treated for burns to his chest, legs and face. Police located Smith walking down a street wearing a necklace made out of prescription pills. He did not have a prescription for the pills. He was booked into the Oklahoma County Jail and charged with attempted murder, first-degree arson and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: CrapCleaner Dear Webby I have been using Ccleaner and just love it, Is there a way I can set it to run automatically??? I have it set to start when the pc starts, but for some reason, it doesn't clean, and also doesn't get into the bottom right side of the toolbar Thanks Ann Dear Ann It's best to run CrapCleaner before shutting down, or whenever your memory gets too bunged up. A Windows start-up is like the proverbial "Chinese Fire Drill" and it's best not to add anything to that. The reason you don't see CrapCleaner at the bottom right side of the toolbar, where the running programs are, is because once CrapCleaner has done it's chores, it politely exits and goes away. It does not use up any resources while it waits for the next time you need it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Back Scratcher to Retrieve Dropped Items I am not able to get down on my knees to retrieve something I dropped if it has ended up too far to just bend over and pick up. So one day I used my new back scratcher to bring the item closer to me. This worked so well that now I keep a back scratcher by my desk here all the time and it has saved me so much aggravation. By Peggy B from Philadelphia, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat. About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, In desperation, Charlie undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the Hospital Emergency Room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before". The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
A man was on Regent Street in London and entered a very posh gourmet food shop. A salesperson in a morning coat with tails approached and politely asked, "May I help to you, sir?" "Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox." "No, no," responded the dignified salesperson, "you mean 'smoked salmon'." "Okay, a pound of smoked salmon." "Anything else?" "Yes, a dozen blintzes." "No, no. You mean 'crepes'." "Okay, a dozen crepes." "Anything else?" "Yes, A pound of chopped liver." "No, no. You mean 'pate'." "Okay," said the Jewish patron, "a pound of pate, and I'd like you to deliver this Saturday morning." "Sir," said the indignant salesperson, "we don't schlep chazzerai on Shabbos."
» Collage Collective:

Today, April 30, in
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire under 
 his own rule.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million 
 dollars.
1527 Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the 
 treaty of Westminster.
1725 Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance.
1789 George Washington took office as first elected 
 U.S. president.
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from 
 France for $15 million.
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome.
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work 
 would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail 
 over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana.
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory.
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the 
 runaway train "Cannonball Express."
1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with 
 France and Great Britain.
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr."
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain.
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun died. They had  been married 
 for one day. One week later Germany surrendered unconditionally.
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to 
 Hoover Dam.
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese 
 in the village of Dai Do.
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests.
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.
1975 Communists North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 
 11 Marines lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last 
 soldiers to evacuate.
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London.
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China.
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh.
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit.
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly 
 approved for another five years as president. 
2013  smiled


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Which laptop to buy now? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 29.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. -=- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Back during the days of the Soviet Union, it took 10 years to get a car after you paid for one. Once, a young guy went to the car dealership to order a car. He paid the money, and the asked when can he come and get the car. "It will be here, waiting for you, exactly 10 years from today". The man signed the papers, started waliking away and then stooped, turned and asked the salesman: "Wait, will it be ready at the morning or at the afternnon". "What difference does it make?", asked the salesman. "Well", answered the man, "the plumber is coming in the morning".
Click on the picture for the large version Sequoia National Park Sierra Nevada
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sara Elizabeth Soto, 25, Weatherford, Texas Jailed After Crawling Naked Through Couple's Doggy Door, Attempting To Find Phone In Their Bath Tub Reported by The Weekly Vice Sara Elizabeth Soto, a 25-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly crawled naked into a couple's home through a doggy door and was later found sitting in their bath tub. According to police, officers were dispatched to a Weatherford residence around 1:45 a.m. Tuesday morning after the homeowner called 911 to report that an unknown naked woman was sitting in his bath tub. Investigators say Soto removed the dress she was wearing so that she would be able to crawl through the couple's doggy door. The couple became alarmed when they thought they heard a noise in their kitchen. When the husband went to investigate, he found that the doggy door attachment had been damaged. Since the couple did not own a pet, the husband assumed that a wild animal had entered the residence. While going room to room to search for the animal, he discovered a naked Soto sitting in his bath tub. Arriving officers found Soto's black dress on the back porch and asked her to put it back on. During questioning, Soto stated that she had done nothing wrong and was merely trying to use the telephone. She was booked into the Parker County Jail and charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief. Her bond has been set at $4,000. Tech Support Pits From: Lex Re: Which Laptop Dear Webby Thank you so much for you very informative as well as delightful newsletter. Please advise me as to what laptop I should invest in. I have a pc at home, but I will begin traveling with my job within the next two weeks, (for a week at a time) and want to continue my computer usage. My needs are rather basic such as sending email, research on the net, keeping records/notes, yahoo messenger to communicate with my friends and family while away and staying in hotels. I would appreciate you being very explicit as to what you think I should purchase since I am not very computer literate. Thanking you in advance for any help you might offer. An Avid Dear Webby reader Lex Dear Lex Avoid Windows 8. Even salesmen are reluctant to use it. You are limited to Windows 7 with 4 or 8 GB of RAM. Choose 8. The same yuppies, who buy gold plated cast iron wrist-watches, are paying premium prices for small and ligh-weight notebooks to show off at Starbucks. Laptops with larger displays gather dust at the dealers and are often surprisingly cheap. One thing to watch out for is the socket for a phone line. The liars at DELL claim that with everybody in China using WiFi, dial-up has gone out of fashion, and that you will just have to buy an external USB modem, if you want to fax or use dial-up. So, if the computer does not have that phone line socket, similar but smaller than the networking socket, tell them where to stuff it. Especially since they usually have no clue where to get an external USB modem, it is quite appropriate to get noisy about that. The only other consideration is warranty. Get three years of next business day on site warranty. Performance is irrelevant. If it can bring up Windows 7, it can handle anything that you might throw a t it. Compared to bringing up Windows 7, all your programs are totally negligible. Hard drive size is quite adequate nowadays. You probably have a 20 or 40 GB drive in your home desktop. If a laptop has 500 GB, that is plenty. Don't pay extra for a 1 TeraByte or 2 Terabyte drive. No matter what size drive you get, it will get filled to capacity in three years, if you don't weed it out now and then. Just get anything in the 50 - 500 Gb range and weed it out once a year. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg Carton for Painting Bolts My son, Chris, was spray-painting bolts for a project. They needed to be white on on the head and black on the nut end. He used an egg carton to hold them. It was easy to get good paint coverage and used less paint. Sally McQ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Yes, brave Oyster Slayer, they sure do." he replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man was brought before the court on the charge of refusing to obey a police officer. "Why did you refuse to move on when asked to do so by the officer?" the judge inquired, obviously wondering what unexplained force could have given such a man strength to buck a strong minion of the law. "It's like this, your honor," he explained. "My wife said I was to meet her at exactly twelve noon at that spot - and I was forced to choose between man's law and wife's law."
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. "This is a very smart dog," the man commented. "He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
» Chimney Rock

Today, April 29, in
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus published.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was 
 completed for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered 
 unconditionally to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun 
 were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz 
 his successor.
1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted 
 in Tokyo as war criminals.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing 
 edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape 
 recordings related to the Watergate scandal.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North 
 Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor 
 went online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside 
 his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale 
 was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while 
 in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit 
 four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating 
 trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which 
 granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, 
 control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the 
 Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion 
 in NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of 
 Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO 
 headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. 
 Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 
2013  smiled


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How to fix "MSIE needs to close" browser crashes? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 28.

We had a nice and rambunctious Chinook.
The snow is history, and the last of last fall's leaves
have departed for Toronto and thereabouts. Well, actually,
the leaves will be ground to powder and will fertilize 
the prairies, but Toronto and Chicago will be getting snow
or a lot of rain in about 5 - 6 days. 

Once the Chinook has gone across the prairies, they call 
it "The Alberta Clipper".

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not? --- George Bernard Shaw
A young boy was one of those little terrors who was hard to control. His father was surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bicycle for his birthday. He said, "Do you really believe that will improve his behavior?" She said, "Well, no, but it will spread it over a wider area."
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The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress on sale. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too."
Click on the picture for the large version Sequoia National Park Sierra Nevada
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephanie Lopez, 23, Phoenix, AZ Jailed for Marijuana and pipe in her vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Stephanie Anne Lopez, a 23-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stashed marijuana and a glass pipe inside her vagina. According to Phoenix Police, an officer was on routine patrol early Saturday morning when he notice an odor of marijuana coming from a vehicle that was driving in front of him with the windows rolled down. The vehicle was also changing lanes erratically, so the officer initiated a traffic stop in a Burger King parking lot. When the officer approached the vehicle, the smell of marijuana became intense. The officer then spoke with the driver, 25-year-old Alberto Reyna, who admitted that he had a .380 handgun in his back pocket. The officer placed Reyna in handcuffs and seated him on the curb. The passenger, Stephanie Lopez, was also asked to sit on the curb next to Reyna while the officer searched the vehicle. That's when Stephanie Lopez reportedly blurted out that the marijuana the officer was looking for was hidden inside her vagina. The officer proceeded to search the vehicle, which turned up a loaded .45 handgun in the center console. Lopez told the officer that she hid the marijuana and glass pipe inside her vagina for her boyfriend. She was booked into jail and charged with possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. Reyna was booked into jail and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, drug violation and possession of a weapon during a drug offense. Tech Support Pits From: OP Re: MSIE needs to close Dear Webby as usual i have another problem. the message "internet explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close " pop's up at random and knocks me off the net. any suggestions? OP Dear OP That usually is a sign of bunged up memory. Run CrapCleaner and reboot. That should fix the problem for a week or so. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fragrant Bed Pillows I love it when the air around me smells fragrant. Here's a tip for good smelling bed linens. Find a fabric softener sheet whose scent you love, and cut it in half. Put one or both halves between the pillowcase and the bed pillow (one half on each side of the pillow). Every time you put your head on the pillow, you smell the fragrance just a little. It is not overwhelming. My guests often comment how nice it smells on the guest pillows. By Nicki from Warrensburg, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease. When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'yes.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's probably Sunday afternoon. If it's a Coast Guard aircraft it's two hours to Happy Hour. If it is a private airplane, it's around 3 PM."
A new bride moves into a small home on her husband's ranch. As she's putting her things away, she stores a shoebox on a shelf in her closet and asks her husband never to touch it. For 50 years, the man leaves the box alone. Then, as his wife is old and dying, he is putting their affairs in order and finds the box again. Opening it, he finds two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He takes the box to her and asks about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explains. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad enough at you, that I wanted to bash your head in." Her husband is touched that in 50 years she had been mad at him only twice. "But what's the $82,500 for?" he asks. "Oh, that's the money I made selling the doilies."
» Scrimshaw Art (c.1850's)

Today, April 27, in
0357 - Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282 - Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule 
 in Sicily.
1635 - Virginia Governor John Harvey was accused of treason 
 and removed from office.
1686 - The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic" 
 was published.
1789 - A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a 
rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. 
The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818 - U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament 
 on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896 - The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902 - A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910 - First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914 - W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner.
1916 - The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1919 - The League of Nations was founded.
1920 - Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932 - The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937 - The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed 
 on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by 
 Douglas Leight.
1945 - Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1946 - The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes.
1947 - Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others 
 set out in a balsa wood raft known as Kon Tiki to prove that 
 Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The trip 
 began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing of 
 the Pacific Ocean.
1952 - The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect.
1953 - French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965 - The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic 
 to evacuate Americans.
1967 - Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969 - Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974 - The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1988 - In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989 - Mobil announced that they were divesting from South 
 Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1994 - Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S. 
 secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to 
 espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in prison 
 without parole.
1996 - U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped 
 testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his 
 former Whitewater business partners.
1997 - A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. 
 Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did 
 not sign.
2001 - A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 
2013  smiled


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How to set the default picture viewer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 27.

Thank you, Richard!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - )
Udo to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Udo: Over there. He's my brother-in-law.
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One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right friggin' now!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney Jarrell, 22, Riverton, Utah Jailed for Raping Female Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Courtney Jarrell, a 22-year-old math teacher and basketball coach at Riverton High School, has been jailed after she allegedly raped a female student. According to police, Jarrell engaged in illegal sexual activity with a 17-year-old female who also attends Riverton High School. The alleged sexual activity took place in February and March of this year and reportedly took place at Jarrell's home. In at last one instance, Jarrel forcibly raped the teen, according to charging documents. Jordan School District administrators placed Jarrel on leave last month when the allegations first surfaced. She resigned from the school on Friday, the same day she was charged. Jarrell was booked into jail and charged with felony counts of rape and forcible sexual abuse. She is scheduled to make her next court appearance on May 16. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Default picture viewer Dear Webby, Is there any way I can get the Windows Picture and FAX Viewer to open images automatically instead of Microsoft Photo Editor when I click on Photos and Images? I can right click on the thumbnail and then choose the program, but that is an extra step and I want it automatic on left click! George Dear George While I would not use either of those programs myself, I use PSP, there is a way that you can tell Windows what program to use by default. Click on START, Control Panel Folder Options File Types In there find the icons for GIF, JPG, etc highlight them and click on CHANGE then select the Windows Picture and Fax viewer. Do that for all picture formats that you want to open automatically with that program. In Windows 7: Click on START, Control Panel Default Programs Associate a File Type Warning, unlike in XP, in Windows 7 that is going to take a while. Don't touch anything. Just go make some coffee. Eventually it will open and show you all the file types, and you can associate them with your choice of program. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fragrant Bed Pillows I love it when the air around me smells fragrant. Here's a tip for good smelling bed linens. Find a fabric softener sheet whose scent you love, and cut it in half. Put one or both halves between the pillowcase and the bed pillow (one half on each side of the pillow). Every time you put your head on the pillow, you smell the fragrance just a little. It is not overwhelming. My guests often comment how nice it smells on the guest pillows. By Nicki from Warrensburg, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay. She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums." "I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied. The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Once upon a time a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that there was nothing that they could do. Like it or not he was stuck with it. All the years of growing up was real tough on him, as all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and thus never made any friends. One day a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a swami in Tibet that could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life's savings and bought a ticket to Nepal. After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window bearing in it's mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the screw-driver removed the screw and disappeared out of the window. The next morning when he woke, he saw the golden screw laying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed and his butt fell off.
» Fields of gold

Today, April 27, in
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at Battle of Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by 
 natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was 
 established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, 
 on the shores of Tripoli.
1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day 
 Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas 
 corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia 
 seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 
 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the 
 electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. 
 She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. 
 It was the first commercial ship to be equipped 
 with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which 
 formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum 
 to any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 
 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in 
 Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. He was accused of 
 aiding in the deportation and execution of thousands of 
 Jews and others as a German Army officer during WWII, 
 even though he was too young for that.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed 
 its maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 
 1,776-foot Freedom Tower on the site of former 
 World Trade Center. 
2013  smiled


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Auto-Play for XP 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 26.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. --- James Feibleman
>From Bob My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."
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>From a fisherman, who wants to remain anonymous There is no such thing as too much equipment. When in doubt, exaggerate. Everyone has a story about the one that got away. Fish always start to grow after they get away. Keep one eye on the bobbers at all times. The way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly. You never forget your first bite. A fishing line has a hook at one end and an optimist at the other. Life is a can of worms. The fishing is always better on the other side of the lake. When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing.
Click on the picture for the large version Ghetto Blaster
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Tisdale, 47, St. Petersburg, Floriduh Jailed for calling 911, Asking Police For Help Getting Refund From Her Drug Dealer Reported by The Smoking Gun After handing over her last $50 to a drug dealer for cocaine and marijuana, a Florida woman suffering from buyer’s remorse called 911 and asked cops for help in securing a refund. Katrina Tisdale, 47, explained to St. Petersburg police that she would be penniless until her next Social Security disability check arrived. Hence the pressing need to recover her $50 from the unnamed narcotics salesman. Despite Tisdale’s explanation for her two calls to 911 Monday evening, officers arrested her for misusing the police emergency system. Seen in the above mug shot, Tisdale was booked into the Pinellas County jail, where she is being held on $100 bond. According to jail records, Tisdale has been arrested many times over the past several years, including six arrests for cocaine possession. Tisdale was convicted in mid-2011 of calling 911 to falsely report that she had been robbed by her drug dealer. Since she apparently had already used the dope, that she wanted a refund for, she was not chraged for possession this time. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: AutoPlay for Windows XP Dear Webby, will the advice you gave gary work with windoesxp sp2 ? i have the same problem. thanks, Daniel Dear Daniel No, for XP there is a different procedure. Enabling AutoPlay on a data and audio CD (Windows XP) Open My Computer or Explorer Highlight the CD-ROM drive, right click the CD-ROM drive and click properties. Click the AutoPlay tab. Within this section you will be able to specify all Windows AutoPlay features. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money on Plants Save Money on PlantsPlants and shrubs for the garden seem to get more expensive every year. I use a little trick when I plant new items. Some plants that are bound together in pots can be separated and you can get two or sometime three plants from one pot. I use a small dry wall saw to saw all the way through the plant and plant it right away. This saw works better for me than a knife. I did this for several new plants and shrubs that I purchased this spring and am happy to say they are all doing great. By xintexas from San Antonio, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?" The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor. "Guess!" replied the old man
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to her dad. "That's not your real father," she said, startling the whole family. "Yes, he is!" Andy replied. "No, he's not," Jennifer insisted. "God is your heavenly father." Then pointing at her dad, she said, "That's your homely father!"
So, .... Lack of gun stores causes cold weather, and cold weather causes gun related murders? Or is it the other way around?
» Scary Critters

Today, April 26, in
1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn.
1607 The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, 
 Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment 
 in the Western Hemisphere.
1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry.
1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the 
 Spanish Civil War.
1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio 
 State University.
1982 The British announced that Argentina had surrendered 
 on Falklands.
1986 The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at 
 Chernobyl, Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the incident and 
 many more were exposed to radioactive material.
2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people 
 at his former school. The student then killed himself. 
2013  smiled


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Uploading pictures from a Hotel computer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, April 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it. --- Doris Day Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. --- Napoleon Bonaparte
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Speaking of nuts, .... Goadster, Buckethead, and Graahound were all locked away in the Armstrong Mental Institution for many many years. (Where they belonged, mind you.) One day, the head quack tells them that if they pass a test he wanted to administer to them, they'd be deemed mentally competent and free to leave the nut house. Should they fail, however, they'd be locked away for another five years of observation. All three took the doc up on his offer. The four of them went to the hospital's indoor pool. The pool was drained of water. The doctor leads the patients up to the diving platform. The doctor motions to Goadster. "Jump." Without hesitation, Goadster leaps off the platform, right into the pool, breaking both arms in the process. The doctor notes this on his clipboard and tells Buckethead, "Jump." Also without hesitation, Buckethead flies off the platform into the empty poll, breaking both of his legs. After noting the results on his clipboard, the doctor tells Graahound, "Jump." Graahound shakes his head. "Naw. I don't think so." The doctor notes this on his clipboard rather enthusiastically and says, "Congratulations, 'Hound. You're a free man. Just tell me one thing. Why didn't you jump?" "Easy," Graahound says, "I can't swim."
Click on the picture for the large version Milkyway over Cathedral Valley, Capital Reef National Park, Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lynda Bernhisel, 21, Philadelphia, PA Jailed After Crushing Dog's Skull With Broom Handle and Failing To Show Up To Court On Child Abuse Charge Reported by The Weekly Vice Lynda Bernhisel, a 21-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly crushed a dog's skull with a broomstick after failing to show up to court for a child abuse charge. According to police, Bernhisel stirred up a confrontation with her neighbor by first insulting the neighbor's father-in-law who is dying of cancer. The neighbor, identified as Dana Cassidy, told police that Bernhisel frequently antagonized her, so when Bernhisel continued with the harassment she decided to stand her ground and argue back. That's when Bernhisel grabbed a wooden broomstick handle and began beating Cassidy's little dog with it. When Cassidy tried to intervene, Bernhisel allegedly struck her with the handle before continuing to beat the dog in the head. Investigators say Bernhisel struck the dog repeatedly until his skull was crushed in. When police arrived on the scene, the dog was dead due to his injuries and Cassidy was found with large lacerations to her arm and leg. Bernhisel was immediately taken into custody. Officers also learned that a warrant had been issued for Bernhisel's arrest after she failed to show up for court last August to answer a child abuse charge. Court records indicate Bernhisel was arrested in October 2011 after she was found sleeping with a male companion inside a restaurant at or near the Holiday Inn in Logan Township. The pair were unable to be aroused until police arrived on the scene and appeared disoriented when officers were finally able to get them to sit up. As the couple was being taken into custody, the male companion told officers that Bernhisel's baby had been left alone in a room at the hotel. Then, according to court records, Bernhisel reportedly failed to show up for a court ordered status hearing after a Gloucester County grand jury indicted her on the child abuse charge. Bernhisel was booked into jail on a new charges of animal cruelty and aggravated assault. Her bail has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits From: Dixie Re: Uploading pictures Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to upload pictures from a hotel lobby computer or cyber cafe, without having to install any programs first? I did get that $12 lexar chip reader that you recommended and it works fine at home. As soon I put the camera memory chip into it, Windows sees a new harddrive, the chip reader. Dixie Dear Dixie Don't try to use drobbox from a hotel lobby computer! Chances are that somebody already has done that, and now all camera uploads go straight to that account, as soon as you plug your camera. To UNlink that computer from a DropBox account, you need the user name and password of whoever set up that account, maybe years ago. If that account is set to delete the pictures from the camera after uploading, you loose them and won't know until it is too late! If you can't take a laptop along, get yourself some cheap web space. You can get a sub-directory like dixie.dawna.com for $2 a month. Then you can simply log on with an FTP program, and drag (copy) the pictures from the camera to your site. Then, when you get home again, you drag (copy) them from your site to your home computer. Nothing to it, and if you don't need your site any more until the next year, simply send an email to cansel it. Some places insist on a $10 minimum to try to cover set-up and billing cost, but with Webby, if you are a subscriber, you can get a single month for $2. There are no refunds, though, for unused portions of a month. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fabric Softener Tip: Add vinegar to rinse cycle instead of using fabric softener. Works great. Removes residue and odors. Also helps to keep washing machine and hoses fresh and clean too. Source: http://www.duggarfamily.com/recipes.html By Erin813 from Seffner, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

Thanks to Rick for this story: After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife . "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. It's me. And the one in the third column is my mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A group of young medical students started their psychiatry rotation and were a little worried about what they would encounter, after hearing all the rumors from other students. On the first day, they went to the Psychiatric ward and were quite relieved when the Registrar, Dr. Nathaniel Bigelow, introduced himself and took the group into the teaching room. Dr. Bigelow told the medical students about all the patients on the ward, with precise details and complete information, and then entertained them with stories about staff members, who seemed to be even nuttier than the patients. Unfortunately, the worries of young medical students returned in an instant, when the real Registrar entered the teaching room and said, "Good morning, everyone. I am Doctor David Filmore. I see, you have met Bigelow, here. He has been one of our patients for quite some time, now."
Thanks to Michelle for this one: The garbage man came early today. I heard his truck from inside the house so I threw on my robe and ran outside to catch him. He was pulling away from the neighbors curb when he saw me running and waiving my arms. "Hey! Wait!" I yelled. "Am I too late?" He looked me up and down and said, "Nah, just jump right in."
» Too Cute!

Today, April 25, in
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to capture 
 Timbuktu.
1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by 
 hanging himself.
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble.
1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces defeated 
 the Anglo-Portugese.
1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman 
 Nicolas J. Pelletier.
1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes 
 over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war fixed 
 Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River.
1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt.
1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power 
 reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital for 
 several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with the 
 United States.
1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA.
1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade.
1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of Hanoi 
 in Indochina.
1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war on 
 the U.S. the day before.
1901 New York became the first state to require license plates 
 for cars. The fee was $1.
1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops 
 landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the 
 Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful.
1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the 
 name "Pehlevi."
1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time.
1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on 
 Elbe River.
1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco 
 to organize the United Nations.
1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist Forces, 
 the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on 
 "Gloucester Hill," in Korea.
1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in U.S. 
 Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill lasted 22 
 hours and 26 minutes.
1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick suggested 
 the double helix structure of DNA.
1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium nuclear 
 reactor.
1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way connects 
 the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean.
1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit.
1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon.
1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law legalizing 
 abortion in the U.S. 
1971 The country of Bangladesh was established.
1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a 
 military coup.
1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted 
 after mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters 
 involved. During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport 
 plan collided and exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. 
 The mission was aimed at freeing American hostages that had been 
 taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The 
 event took place April 24th Washington, DC, time.
1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel completed 
 its Sinai withdrawal.
1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith to 
 visit his country after receiving a letter in which the U.S. 
 schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war.
1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, speeding on 
 its endless voyage through the Milky Way.
1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they 
 favored the decentralization of education.
1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. policy 
 in Central America.
1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was sentenced to 
 death as a Nazi war criminal.
1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua.
1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's orbit. 
 It was released by the space shuttle Discovery.
1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of the capital 
 of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist government.
1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization voted 
 to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an armed struggle to 
 destroy Israel.
1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was questioned by 
 Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a private 
 lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center of the 
 investigation.
2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and 
 ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced to 
 four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft charges. 
 She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of theft of money 
 from a women's political league. 
2013  smiled


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How to get around the right-click block? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. --- Oscar Wilde
As a test pilot climbs out of an experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?" The pilot replies, "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney Addington, 24, Sacramento, CA Jailed After Newborn Infant Found Stuffed In Garbage Bag Despite "Safely Surrendered Baby" Law Reported by The Weekly Vice Courtney Addington, a 24-year-old California woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly delivered a live baby that was later found dead in a garbage bag under her bed. According to the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in late January after Addington was admitted to Mercy General Hospital following complications arising from excessive bleeding from her vaginal area. Hospital staff determined during the examination that Addington had recently given birth, however Addington repeatedly denied birthing a child and insisted that she was suffering from irritable bowel syndrome. Hospital staff notified the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office who drove out to Addington's residence to have a look around. That's when deputies discovered a deceased newborn infant that had been stuffed into a garbage bag and hidden under a bed at the residence. Detectives searched Addington's cell phone and found online search phrases that included: "irritable bowel syndrome medication," "signs that your water is about to break," "what to expect in labor," and "how to stop loss of blood." As the investigation unfolded over the next few months, investigators determined that the baby girl, who is now named Hayden Elaine, was alive at the time of birth. Family members told detectives that they suspected Addington was pregnant, but she denied being pregnant and claimed she was suffering from IBS. Perhaps the saddest part of the case for investigators is the senseless death of a newborn child despite California's Safely Surrendered Baby Law which allows parents the freedom to surrender an unwanted newborn to the state within 72 hours of birth - no questioned asked. The provision was signed into law more than 7 years ago. Addington was booked into the Sacramento County Jail and charged with murder. A bond amount has not yet been set in the case. Tech Support Pits From: Babye Re: Right Click Block Dear Webby, I was wondering if you could give me instructions on disabling the right click ban on some sites. I like to save pictures to do as jigsaw puzzles and some sites give a pop up box that says 'right click disabled'. Thanks, Babye Dear Babye Quite often that copy protection is because somebody has bought the rights to use the pictures, but not the copy right, and they are required to protect them. There is nothing you can do about their copy protection. You CAN steal a screen shot by hitting PrintScreen or ALT PrintScreen, and then go into your graphics program and paste the screen shot into a new picture. Just don't get caught with stolen pictures on your site! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cover Patio Chair Arms I like to put those seat belt covers on the arms of the patio chairs. It is really soft and feels nice to lean on. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two men were shooting the breeze when one said his wife was driving him to drink. "You're lucky," the other replied. "Mine makes me walk."
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Cohen's house, and grandpa gets out. The polite policeman explained, "I came upon this elderly gentleman who said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home. He did, however, know the address, and so here we are. Do you know this gentleman?" "Of course, officer! It's my Morris!", said grandma Cohen. Turning to grandpa, she said, "Morris ! You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you possibly get lost?" Leaning close, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa whispered, "Shhhh I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."
» Body Painting

Today, April 24, in
1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass in 
 Central America.
1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of 
 Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg.
1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, Francis.
1800 The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000 allocation.
1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna 
 in Tripoli (Libya).
1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain.
1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire.
1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New Orleans. 
 This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule in the South.
1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa was 
 now a German colony.
1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized.
1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's ultimatum 
 for Spain to withdraw from Cuba.
1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began the mass 
 deportation of Armenians.
1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against 
 British occupation forces. They were overtaken several days later.
1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the Himalayas.
1948 The Berlin airlift began to relieve the surrounded Western 
 half of the city.
1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" following 
 Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba.
1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time.
1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft crashed 
 with a tangled parachute.
1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.
1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite.
1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in 
 nine kinds of cancer.
1981 The IBM Personal Computer was introduced.
1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing.
1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. 
 It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope.
1997 The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons Convention. 
 The global treaty banned the development, production, storage 
 and use of chemical weapons.
2000 ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 
2013  smiled


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Shutter lag on digital cameras 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes. --- Robert Redford (1937 - ) The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. --- George Burns Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Thanks to Barb for this classic: Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son." "Oh, that's ok," he said. "I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled. Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day, the man went to pay for his groceries. "That'll be 105 dollars," said the clerk. "How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!" "Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for hers."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Warren Kirchoff,63, Deltona, Floriduh Jailed After Striking Female Motorist Because She Passed Him On Road Reported by The Weekly Vice Warren Kirchoff, a 63-year-old Florida man, was jailed after he allegedly assaulted a female motorist because she passed him on a four lane road. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the area of Howland Boulevard and Interstate 4 after a woman called 911 to report that she had just been assaulted by another motorist. Deputies arrived on the scene to find the alleged victim, Laura Reed, and Warren Kirchoff engaged in a heated argument on the side of the road. The officer noted that both parties had left their car doors open and Ms Reed appeared to be suffering a minor laceration to her face. When deputies interviewed Reed, she told them that she was driving to work at about 7:30 a.m. when she came upon a slow moving vehicle on Howland Blvd. She then passed the vehicle and proceeded on to a stop light a short distance farther. At the light, Kirchoff pulled up next to her, got out of his vehicle and approached her driver's side window. When Reed rolled down her window to talk to Kirchoff, he allegedly struck her in the face. That's when Reed got out of her vehicle to confront Kirchoff. Kirchoff told deputies that Reed's driving caused him to slam on his brakes, and his wife struck her head on the car's interior as a result. He reportedly did not dispute striking Reed. He was booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with burglary and assault/battery. Tech Support Pits From: Art Re: Shutter Delay Dear Webby, My digital camera, a fairly expensive Kodak, has this very annoying delay between clicking a picture and it actually taking it. It seems totally useless for action shots. Am I doing something wrong? Art Dear Art All digital cameras have SOME shutter delay. However, just like a Porsche takes off a lot faster than a farm tractor that costs exactly the same amount of money, there is a very noticeable difference between different cameras. The quick action on my good old Canon Powershot 2S-IS was one of the major reasons for selecting it. I still miss that camera! Unfortunately the zoom screw went bad a few years ago, a common and unfixable malady of the "IS" cameras. Also, keep in mind, cameras with a tiny lens have only one or very few lens settings. Like a pinhole camera, one setting is good enough. With larger lenses everything has to be set up precisely. You might even feel and hear the lenses and the mirror clanking back and forth until everything is perfect. When I need absolutely instant action, I line up an approximate shot and depress the shutter half way, to lock in the settings. Then when the bird is in the zoom center, I sqeeze the shutter all the way down and the picture is perfect. With cameras, that have a slower computer, you have to lead the same way as with a shotgun, and click before the action happens. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dig Up Saplings - Ask First If you are in the market for trees and can identify the different varieties easily, go to a wooded area (if you have one near) and transplant some saplings into your landscaping. Most landowners won't mind if you ask them. By mc2grants Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her that well."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One weekend my friend, a nurse, was looking after her six year old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When she went in at 5 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read, "My name is Daniel." --------------------- They usually just do that with serious head injuries and brain surgery, but some nurses can get quite carried away. I remember one who insisted on writing her name and the time of each check onto the sole of my right foot with a fine point ball pen. And when she ran out of space, she continued on my left foot. I tell ya, that can wake a guy out of the most cozy coma!
Brian/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
» Sweetest Squirrel

Today, April 23, in
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. It 
 was the Order of the Garter.
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal.
1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain.
1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the 
 Antilies from France.
1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces.
1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith.
1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the 
 Liaodong peninsula to China.
1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen 
 was demonstrated in New York City.
1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an 
 article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled 
 "Hill-Billie".
1940 About 200 people died in a dance-hall fire in Natchez, MS.
1945 The Soviet Army entered Berlin.
1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to 
 Mao and the communists.
1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service 
 of teletype setting.
1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia.
1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched.
1982 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 
 consumer prices declined the previous month (March). 
 It was the first decline in almost 17 years.
1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing 
 its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, 
 which resulted in the resumption of selling the original 
 version.
1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on 
 flights that were under two hours.
1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the 
 Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into 
 the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough.
1996 A New York civil-court jury ordered Bernhard Goetz to 
 pay $43 million to Darrell Cabey. Cabey was paralyzed when 
 he was shot in subway car in 1984.
1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' 
 possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City.
1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a 
 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child 
 was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman 
 to give birth.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against 
 Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up 
 weapons of mass destruction.
2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications 
downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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Hot to filter out Japanese spam? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 22.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927) Liberals are very broadminded: As long as somebody else is paying for it, they are always willing to give lots of careful consideration and deliberation to both sides of the their side. --- Socratex
It has to be confessed that the minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a young wife of the congregation remembered that she had left the Sunday dinner in the gas range without turning down the flame. She hastily wrote a note and slipped it to her husband, who was an usher. He, thinking it was for the minister, calmly walked up and laid it on the pulpit. The minister paused, took the note with a smile, which turned into a terrific frown as he read: "Please hurry home and shut off the gas."
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The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!" The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?" "I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "They are fighting about which one isn't!"
Click on the picture for the large version I got MY seat. They can start now.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Corey Starks, 38, Port orford, Oregon Jailed for Burying Father Under Motor Home So He Could Collect Father's Social Security Checks Reported by The Weekly Vice Corey Theodore Starks, a 38-year-old Port Orford man, was jailed after he allegedly buried his father under a trailer, then continued to collect his social security checks. According to police, an investigation was launched after authorities found the bones of an elderly man who became deceased three years ago and was then buried under his own motor home. The victim's son, Corey Starks, later admitted to burying his father under the trailer because he was unemployed and wanted to collect his father's social security checks. Starks reportedly collected more than $50,000 in benefits checks before the scam was finally uncovered. Investigators say 74-year-old Charles Starks' remains were found at the Anchor Inn RV park in Port Orford where he lived from 2009 to 2010. The body was discovered when the lot owner thought the trailer had been abandoned and was in the process of having it removed. Corey Starks claims his father died of natural causes, however at least one witness in the case told detectives that she believes Corey Starks killed his father. Charles Starks remains were sent to Eugene, Oregon for autopsy and reconstruction. The official cause has not yet been determined. Starks was booked into jail and charged with second-degree abuse of a corpse. The case is still under investigation and further charges may be pending, including the fraud charges. Tech Support Pits From: Gina Re: Japanese spam Dear Webby, Lately I am getting a lot of Japanese spam in my Gmail. Yes, I know, MailWasher can get rid of it, but I want to be able to filter it out right on Gmail (at work, where I don't have MailWasher). Is there a way to do it, like I do on MailWasher at howm? Gina Dear Gina Unfortunately the geniuses behind Gmail are able to identify the language and offer to translate, but they don't offer to filter all mails in that language. Until they do, you have to make a rude and crude filter like this: Look at some of those Japanese spams, and copy Start making a filter, and into the field for Has the words paste the what you see at http://webby.com/humor/JapaneseFilter.html I am not putting the contents of that in here, otherwise it will dump the Humor Letter for people, who use MailWasher and already use an advanced version of that filter. You won't have to type Japanese characters, just highlight what you see on that page, copy it, then paste it into the Has the words field. Tell it to dump the ones found into the trash. Checkmark to apply to all the ones found. You may have to click on the magnifying glass to test, and then plull down the tiny arrow for more, and in that return to making your filter. Yeah, I know, that part is a bit klutzy, and may cause you to cuss a bit, but it IS there at the top of the search results. Gmail's filters are rather primitive compared to MailWasher, but you CAN get them to work. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soak Off Jar Labels In my quest to reclaim a Mason jar (specifically Classico pasta sauce jars) I needed to soak off the labels. I submerged the jars in hot water and let them sit until the paper was easy to pull off. The best part with the Classico jars is that the glue they use is also water soluble! So I was able to remove the glue with hot soapy water. With other jar, I removed the glue with Goo Gone and a paper towel. I was amazed at how well this worked! By Laurel from Port Orchard, WA A faster and easier way is to use your steam iron set to max. Squirt the corner of a label and lift it up with some tweezers, keep squirting and gently pulling with the tweezers. This trick works fine even with labels on Ziplock baggies. Do NOT try to pull the labels with your fingers. You are bound to squirt them with steam. That usually causes some cussing. Do NOT leave a phone nearby. I heard that pressing the hot iron onto your ear upon hearing the phone ring also causes cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Yes, you CAN repair LCD monitors! A screwdriver and this manual, and you can do it. Get LCD Monitor Repair!

A wealthy contractor liked to know something about all the employees who worked for him. One day he came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm's cash. The contractor asked the man, "Where did you get your financial training, young man?" "Yale," the man answered. "That's good," said the contractor, who was an advocate of higher learning. "What's your name?" he asked. The man answered, "Yonnie Yackson."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that." The student looked up and replied, "Well, looks like they were right!"
Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of the day sunbathing on the roof of her hotel, while her hubby attended some conference. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
» Gprgeous Gorges

Today, April 22, in
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil.
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the 
 death of his father Henry VII.
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in 
 Treaty of Saragosa.
1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status quo 
 of Germany.
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe.
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces.
1864 The U.S. Congress mandated that all coins minted as 
 U.S. currency bear the inscription "In God We Trust".
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land.
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship.
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge.
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
 shipbuilding.
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of 
 the White House.
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea.
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television.
1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars" 
 missile system was "highly questionable" and would take ten 
 years to research.
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day hostage 
 crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those killed: one 
 hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, and all 14 rebels.
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in response 
 to a series of bombing attacks the day before. The attacks 
 were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2013  smiled


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