Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 17.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Teacher who was arrested for dwi while driving to school.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
 after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami 
 police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive 
 Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





If people never did silly things, 
nothing intelligent would ever get done.
--- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951) 

"To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth 
that health is the wealth of wealth."
--— Richard Baker



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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>From Roland
A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. 
So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured 
for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. 
He put on the suit and he looked stunning; he felt that in 
this suit he could really do business.

As he was preening in front of the mirror, he reached down 
to put his hands in the pockets. To his surprise, he noticed 
that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor 
who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"

The young man answered, "Yes, I did."

The tailor then said, "Whoever heard of a banker with his 
hands in his own pockets?"


A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked
his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody
has lived that long yet."


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Patricia Almond, 48, Humble, Texas

Teacher Arrested For DWI 
While Driving To School

A middle school teacher in Humble, Texas has been charged 
with DWI after authorities said she was swerving all over 
the road -- while she was on the way to teach class.

Investigators say Patricia Almond, 48, even grazed a highway 
retaining wall on southbound Highway 59 before they pulled 
her over shortly before 8 a.m. Thursday morning.

Investigators said Almond was disoriented with bloodshot 
eyes, smelled of alcohol and was swaying from side to side.
Almond was arrested on suspicion of DWI, but the charges 
haven't stopped her from teaching class.

The Humble Independent School District released this 
statement about the arrest:
    “The incident is being addressed through the court system, 
as it happened off campus, outside of school hours, and did 
not involve students. Human Resources will be reviewing the 
police report and then meeting with the staff member to 
discuss options.”

Almond isn't the only teacher employed by the Humble ISD 
that has been arrested recently.
Monica Quintero, a first grade teacher at Ridgecreek Elementary, 
was busted last Wednesday for allegedly dealing drugs out of 
her apartment with her felon boyfriend and two others.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Dan
Re: How do I make Gmail Filters

Hello dearwebby, 
i have the same problem as patrica,how do you make a filter?
Dan

Dear Dan
To make a filter in Gmail look for the tiny down 
arrow on the right side in theSearch bar.
Pull that down.
You now see the form for creating a filter.
Put, for example, humor@webby.com into the FROM slot.
Once you have at least ONE search criterium filled in, 
you see "Create Filter with this search"
(They did not know how to spell criterium, 
so they left that out)
Hit that and on the next window you can tell it what to do,
for example, star it, Never send it to Spam,
and also checkmark "Also apply to x number of mails
already found.
Then hit Create this filter.
Done.
That is all there is to it.
They cleaned up their act and made it quite simple and
straight forward to create filters.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Set a Timer to Put Out Candles
I enjoy seeing my candles lit. It gives a warm cosy feeling 
on a cold winter's day. But how many times have we heard 
about candles left unattended causing fires.

My tip for today is to "put on the stove timer when you light 
the candle, for the length of time you want them lit". 
This will remind you to blow them out. If this tip will 
prevent one fire, then its worth the effort. 

By Sheila [61]

You can set candles into a glass dish or bowl. 
That way it is safe. A real (or fake cast) crystal cut
cookie bowl even enhances the candle light.

And, don't blow out a candle! That causes the hot tip of
the wick to turn to white ash, and you shorten the wick
and the life of the candle. Always use a nail and dip the
wick into the molten pool of wax to extinguish it. 
That way the wick is protected from drying out and 
turning to ash.

Especially with large, decorative candles, that little 
trick really extends the life of the candle and saves you
from having to insert a new wick.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.


"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1922 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"

"He is the original owner."




» Fungi




Today in 
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor 
 Humayun at Kanauj.
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on 
 Jupiter's surface.
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in 
 Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France.
1756 Britain declared war on France again, beginning 
 the French and Indian War.
1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall 
 Street by 24 brokers.
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.
1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was 
 installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" 
 to "Puerto Rico."
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the 
 invasion of France.
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's 
 railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers 
 and trainmen.
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1954 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school 
 integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. 
 The ruling declared that racially segregated schools were 
 inherently unequal.
1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for 
 sale in Caldwell Township, NJ.
1973 The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings.
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
 after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami 
 police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive 
 Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.
1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" 
 on CBS-TV. He returned the following season.
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark 
 in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq 
 and the United States called the attack a mistake.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring 
 neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. 
 Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who 
 was raped and killed in 1994.
1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the 
 Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire.
2000 Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to police 
 in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan members were 
 arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 1963 that 
 killed four young black girls.
2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the 
 broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era 
 forced labor.
2001 The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp based on 
 Charles M. Schulz's "Peanuts" comic strip.
2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 
 24 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel 
 sunk under a Navy program to dispose of old warships 
 by turning them into diving attractions. It was the 
 largest man-made reef at the time of the sinking.
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea 
 for the first time since 1953.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 16.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Ron!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
PE teacher caught stealing money from lockers
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of 
 the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic 
 rule.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Be thankful we're not getting all the government 
we're paying for.
--- Will Rogers



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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>From Joe
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he   
planned to be around for his 104th.   

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few   
people die between the ages of 103 and 104."  


A burglar broke into a house one night.  He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up
a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied
voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off,
and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, and
then clicked the light on and began searching for more
valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room,
his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked,
"I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed.  "Warn me, huh?  Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed .  "What kind of idiot would
name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of idiot that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."


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Cornered Cougar

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Rodney Barnes, New Smyrna Beach, Florida

P.E. Teacher Stole $950 
From Student Lockers

Investigators say physical education teacher Rodney Barnes 
stole $950 from students in the boy's locker room at New 
Smyrna Beach High School in New Smyrna Beach, Florida.

Authorities first began investigating the locker room thefts 
in April when students reported cash missing from their 
wallets.

Volusia County deputies were unable to put surveillance 
cameras in the locker room, so they stashed $141 worth of 
decoy money, covered with an invisible ultralight powder, 
in a student's wallet, according to the Associated Press.

Although "Operation Sticky Fingers" was run numerous times 
in April, Monday was the first time that a student helping 
with the sting finally noticed missing money. That same day, 
deputies checked the hands of students and faculty using 
an ultraviolet light and the powder allegedly showed up 
on Barnes' hands.

Upon questioning, Barnes admitted to taking a $50 bill 
from the student’s wallet and admitted to several other 
thefts totaling $170, cops say.

Barnes has been accused of mishandling student money in 
the money in the past.

According to employment records obtained by the Daytona 
Beach News-Journal, Barnes was reprimanded in September, 
2012, for collecting $1,200 from students for P.E. 
uniforms without turning in the money.

Barnes was charged with grand theft and burglary, and 
released on $3,000 bail on Tuesday. He resigned from 
his job on Wednesday, according to the Volusia County 
Sheriff's Office.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Patricia
Re: Gmail sniveling about the vote button

Hello dearwebby, 
for the last three days I have had a sign at the top of 
the letter I receive from you, saying this might be spam 
or some dreadful thing. Â This not true because I always 
get the same letter as before. Â I wonder if others who 
receive your letter are getting the same warning.

Thanks for your letter, pictures and history lesson.

Your faithful reader
Patricia

Dear Patricia
That's just some sniveling ninnies at Gmail getting too 
overprotective. Apparently they get all paranoid 
about the Ezinefinder vote button, which incidentally
is unchanged since about 1998. 

Yes, I agree, that is quite pathetic. Obviously somebody,
who has not progressed from programming their 
washing machine, got promoted into a spot at Google, 
where they can be a real nuisance. 

Quite a few people complained about that.

I am also subscribed with my Gmail address, still from 
the days when Gmail was new and a bit erratic,
but because I made a filter to exclude the Humor Letter
from their thilly mistakes, I don't get that red warning
about the totally harmless vote button.

You can either write to them and tell them to fix
their mistake, 
or make a filter.

I wrote to them about it, but I don't really expect a reply.

Easiest and fastest is probably to make a filter.
If you are not familiar with making filters, don't be shy!
Tell me, and I will make that tomorrow's tech tip.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use All the Lotion in a Tube
When you can't squeeze any more lotion out of a plastic 
tube, save what is left inside by cutting the tube so 
you can dip it out with your finger. I trim the tube 
so the top will fit over the bottom and this keeps 
it from drying out. It works great for me.

By Litter Gitter [95]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Jarhead Math
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won
some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows
humor.

During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander,
whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary
Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack
in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited
Korean Officer.

General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer,
"Many, many, many, many Chinese!"

"Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the radio."

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese 
you got up there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's 
someone up there who knows how to count!"


"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, 
"have you got any other skills you think may be worth 
mentioning?"

"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. 
"Last year I had two short stories published in national 
magazines, and I finished my novel."

"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking 
of skills you could apply during office hours."

Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was all writen
during office hours.




» Wildflowers




Today in 
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King 
 Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
1866 The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during 
 the Senate impeachment, by one vote.
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set 
 up the Afghan state.
1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public 
 started service.
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc 
 was demonstrated by Emile Berliner.
1888 The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin.
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway.
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic 
 tape recorder.
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory 
 in California, demonstrated the first working laser.
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to 
 Earth, ending Project Mercury.
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the 
 planet Venus.
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman 
 to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 
 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles 
 in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to 
 New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have 
 to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage.
1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch 
 to address the U.S. Congress.
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of 
 the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic 
 rule.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated 
 to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S. 
 first lady to run for public office.
2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new 
 PlayStation 3 video game machine.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 15.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Oklahoma English Teacher Traded Sex For Grades
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 





If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Lay this unto your breast: Old friends, like old swords, 
still are trusted best.
--- John Webster

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?
--- Sam Levenson



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
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An overweight Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The
doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds.

Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days,
she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky
twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for
the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last
question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to
run home 300 Miles?"


>From Luke
It can buy a bed - but not sleep
It can buy a clock - but not time
It can buy you a book - but not knowledge
It can buy you a position - but not respect
It can buy you medicine - but not health
It can buy you blood - but not life
It can buy you sex - but not love
So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes
pain and suffering. 
I tell you all this because I am your friend,
and as your friend I want to take away your pain 
and suffering.
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.

And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom!


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Busy deer stand!

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Kalyn Thompson, 25, Kellyville, Oklahoma

Oklahoma English Teacher 
Traded Sex For Grades

An English teacher at an Oklahoma high school is charged 
with second degree rape following an alleged inappropriate 
relationship with a student.

Kalyn Thompson, 25, turned herself in to police on Monday. 
She resigned from her position at Kellyville High School in 
April.

In a police interview, the victim, who is in his junior year, 
told investigators that he had sex with Thompson twice -- 
once at a local lake and once at a Tulsa motel. Although the 
age of consent in Oklahoma is 16, Underwood said that as a 
teacher, Thompson is an authority figure. "It's sad because 
they're vulnerable to it, and obviously he's getting a good 
grade from it," she told NewsOn6.

According to police, the victim was "flunking English last 
semester but currently has a 98 percent grade point average."

Police said the boy's mother asked the teacher not to contact 
her son outside of school after she discovered texts from 
Thompson on his phone, but the suspect persisted.

High school staff found out about the relationship in April 
after two other students saw Thompson in the victim's truck 
away from school, took photos, and reported it.

Parents were shocked to learn of the allegations.
"You send your kids to a small town school thinking they're 
going to get a better education, because it's more one-on-one. 

Thompson bonded out of jail Monday. Police say a second charge 
is likely. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Rheta
Re: Lost mouse

Dear webby:
 My grand son has lost his mouse. And I'm not sure of 
the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas 
On this problem ?

Rheta

Dear Rheta
Eery time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help,
plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't
last very long, especially the cheaper ones.
Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new
computers.

However, even $60 or more expensive mice don't last
forever. Wired mice develop bad cables, wireless mice
loose their transmitter. A good quality Microsoft mouse
will usually last about 3 - 4 years of heavy usage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use All the Lotion in a Tube
When you can't squeeze any more lotion out of a plastic 
tube, save what is left inside by cutting the tube so 
you can dip it out with your finger. I trim the tube 
so the top will fit over the bottom and this keeps 
it from drying out. It works great for me.

By Litter Gitter [95]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Rosie for this story:
Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night
before, my husband planned to come home from the office
before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting
had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided
to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel.

I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings
with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some
bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine.
When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen
table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all.
I'll call you when I get there."






» Adorable Cubs




Today in 
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the 
 treaty of St.Menehould.
1618 Johannes Kepler published his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder.
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale in the U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, 
 Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its 
 independence.
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one 
 million stockholders.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas 
 Island in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched 
 in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first 
 two female generals.
1970 Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two 
 black students at Jackson State University in Mississippi, 
 were killed when police opened fire during student 
 protests.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer 
 in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. 
 Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the 
 United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by 
 implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 
 115,000 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been 
there for more than eight years.
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was 
 sold for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission 
 to deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh 
 American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough 
 votes to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 14.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Couple in fatal crash, who were intoxicated, 
and naked below the waist.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as 
 the first U.S. manned space station.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
--- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

An authority on African animals was giving a lecture.
When he finished, he asked for questions.
One man stood up and asked,
"Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you
if you carry a lighted torch?"

The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."


>From James
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister
left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew.
I said, "What do I do if he cries?"

She said, "Give him some vegetables."

It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite vegetable.


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This one bloomed today

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Matthew Notebaert, 

Couple In Fatal Crash Were Intoxicated, 
Naked Below The Waist

Police have released new information regarding a car crash 
in South Florida that killed a young mother.

Amanda Notebaert, 31, died after a sedan driven by her 
30-year-old husband, Matthew, plowed into a canal March 9. 
The couple had attended a concert that night, and police 
have now confirmed that they were intoxicated when the 
fatal crash occurred.

In an arrest affidavit obtained by the Sun-Sentinel, Palm 
Beach County Sheriff's deputies say that Matthew Notebaert 
and his wife had THC and alcohol in their systems, and were 
both naked from the waist down when they crashed. They said 
Amanda was on her husband's lap when he sped the car off a 
dead-end dirt road and into the far side of a canal.

The newspaper reports:
    Neither of the Notebaerts were wearing seatbelts and 
both were naked from the waist down... Amanda Notebaert's 
head hit the dashboard and windshield, while Matthew 
Notebaert's knees were crushed by the lower part of the 
dashboard. She died at the scene.

A toxicology report showed that Notebaert had a blood-alcohol 
level of .135 to .163 percent. The legal limit is .08 percent. 
He was arrested Wednesday and now faces charges including DUI 
manslaughter and vehicular homicide.

The incident happened a block from their home, 
they knew about the road dead-end and the canal, 
and that a block from home they should have slowed down.

The couple have two young children, ages 9 years and 7 months.

Notebaert wept openly in court during his arraignment 
Thursday as his attorney told the judge that he just 
wanted "to get back to his kids."


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: How to get rid of ASK

Dear Webby
Can you please help me to remove the ASK program from my 
computer? I have tried to do this, but some instructions 
are asking me to install other programs. I cannot find ASK 
listed under programs on my computer. If I go to 'programms', 
ASK is not listed there.

Many Thanks

Denise

Dear Denise
The easiest way to get rid of that malware is to use 
MalwareBytes.

The link is also on the Right side menu of the 
Humor Letter, for your every day convenience,

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Liquid Dishwasher Soap
I have had to be very frugal with my budget and have 
found myself without dishwasher detergent. I have tried 
this and found it to work very good! Take a squirt of 
orange cleaner, a squirt of your homemade everyday cleaner 
(vinegar/alcohol/water 3:1:2), and a squirt of dishwashing 
liquid and the dishes do quite well! 

By Kellyb from IN

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Manny
Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college   
graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the   
diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please   
stand up?"   

My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum   
Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"   


Call Center Classic:
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have
just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back
two weeks will I have my file back again?".



» Bizarre & Cool Things:




Today in 
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians 
 in Northern Italy.
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated 
 by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac.
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death 
 of his father, Louis XIII.
1787 Delegates began gathering in Philadelphia for a 
 convention to draw up the U.S. Constitution.
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner.
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp 
 Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis 
 joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery."
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain.
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk.
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole.
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough.
1879 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone 
 Company of Europe.
1897 "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa 
 was performed for the first time. It was at a ceremony where 
 a statue of George Washington was unveiled.
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by 
 wireless telegraph.
1913 The Rockefeller Foundation was created by John D. 
 Rockefeller with a gift of $100,000,000.
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement.
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany.
1942 The Women's Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) was established 
 by an act of the U.S. Congress.
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India.
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the 
 independent State of Israel as British rule in Palestine 
 came to an end.
1955 The Warsaw Pact, a Eastern European mutual-defense 
 treaty, was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc 
 countries including the Soviet Union.
1961 A bus carrying Freedom Riders was bombed and burned 
 in Alabama.
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as 
 the first U.S. manned space station.
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang 
 and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 
 40 crew members were released safely by Cambodia. About 
 40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the military operation.
1985 The first McDonald's restaurant became the first 
 fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, 
 Illinois.
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was 
 involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants.
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed 
 members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a 
 bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union.
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More 
 than 440 people were killed.
1998 The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary.
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers 
 that had been killed during the Korean War. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 13.

Today, after about half a dozen years of steady work,
my good old mouse died. Luckily I still had an old mouse,
that still had basic functionality. It is amazing how one
gets used to the extra buttons, and how much slower work
progresses without them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
principal in New York, who was fooling around 
too much in school.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at 
 Appomattox, VA.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know 
because they have never deceived us.
--- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) 

Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad.
--- Diogenes the Cynic (412 BC - 323 BC) 


Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in
common?

Their middle name.


Ole and Sven bought a truckload of watermelons, paying
one dollar apiece for them.

Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons 
for the SAME price ($1) they'd paid for them.

After counting their money at the end of the day, 
they realize they'd ended up with no more money than 
they'd started with.

"See!" said Ole. "I told you ve shoulda got a 
bigger truck."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
You found me!

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Annie Schmutz Seifullah, 35, Long Island City

School Principal Accused Of Sex With 
Employees, Parent On Campus

A New York principal could face misconduct charges following 
allegations that she had sex with co-workers and a student's 
parent on campus while school was in session.

Annie Schmutz Seifullah, 35, was removed from the Robert 
Wagner Secondary School of Arts and Technology in Long 
Island City on May 1 after her jilted ex-boyfriend, a 
single father, went to police with shocking allegations, 
and images to back them up, the New York Post reports. 

The man told cops that Seifullah had cheated on him with 
a NYPD security officer who worked at the school, and 
with a visiting assistant principal -- both times at the 
school. In audio and video recordings provided by her 
accuser, a woman identified as Seifullah admits to the acts.

The New York Post reports:
    “I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I 
thought it was OK,” she tells the furious dad in the taped 
conversation, after he accuses her of cheating on him.

“You gave him [expletive deleted] while my child was in 
the building,” he roars at one point.

The man went to police after his relationship with 
Seifullah unravelled. According to the New York Post, 
he gave investigators three laptop computers owned 
by the Department of Education that contained photos 
and video of the woman in racy lingerie and in various 
sex acts, including a threesome. In one photo obtained 
by the Post, Seifullah appears posing in lingerie.

Police said they removed computers and other electronics 
from the woman's office and home.

NYC teachers and administrators aren't banned from 
dating each other, but favoritism or mistreatment could 
lead to a citation. Having sex in school or putting 
sexual images on school computers can lead to misconduct 
charges.

WPIX reports than an investigation by the Department of 
Education is underway.

"We are appalled by these disturbing allegations and 
acted swiftly to remove the principal while the matter 
is under investigation," a Department of Education 
spokesman said, according to Gothamist. "This type of 
alleged behavior is completely unacceptable for any 
DOE employee."

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Alda
Re: The new version of Firefox stinks!

Dear Webby
The new version of Firefox stinks! How do I go back to #28 ?
Alda

Dear Alda
Try FF 28.0b0

By the way, you are not the only one, who is not impressed
with version 29.

There is already an ADD-ON available to make the 
User Interface look like the one before version 29, but
it is a struggle, and it does not speed up the browser.

Hopefully with version 30 or 31 they listen to what the 
users want, instead of the thilly wienies, who just 
want changes for the sake of change.

Don't be shy about telling them!
The Feedback page is at Feedback

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Melted Plastic from a Glass Cooktop
When left with just the residue of plastic on the cooktop: 
turn burner to maximum for 10 minutes (exhaust on for fumes), 
until residue turns from black to charcoal grey. After cooktop 
cools, wipe with a dry cloth. The residue will be nothing, 
but ash.

Source: Tried this after melting a plastic bag on the cooktop. 
Easiest cleaning ever.

By Trish M. [1] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning
of the word "service".  "The act of doing things for other people."

Then I heard the terms such as "Internal Revenue Service,"
"Postal Service," "Civil Service," "Service Stations."

And I became confused about the word "service."   This is not
what I thought "service" meant.

One day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them
mentioned that he was having a bull "service" a few of his cows.
It all came into perspective.


An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. 
She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she 
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes 
scattered over Walmart. 

"Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?" 

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."



» Glass Menagerie




Today in 
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England.
1648 Margaret Jones of Plymouth was found guilty of 
 witchcraft and was sentenced to be hanged by the neck.
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended.
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on 
 January 18, 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north 
 eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in 
 the U.S. by Samuel Rust.
1846 The U.S. declared that war already existed with Mexico.
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in the American 
 Civil War.
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at 
 Appomattox, VA.
1867 Confederate President Jefferson Davis became a free 
 man after spending two years in prison for his role in the 
 American Civil War.
1873 Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder.
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway 
 in Menlo Park.
1888 Slavery was abolished in Brazil.
1912 Royal Flying Corps was established in England.
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft.
1917 Three peasant children near Fatima, Portugal, 
 reported seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary.
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany.
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was 
 installed in Wilmar, AR.
1954 U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway Development Act.
1958 French troops took control of Algiers.
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by 
 rocks thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela.
1968 Peace talks between the U.S. and North Vietnam began 
 in Paris.
1975 Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN.
1981 Pope John Paul II was shot and seriously wounded in 
 St. Peter's Square by Turkish assailant Mehmet Ali Agca.
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and 
 the radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive 
 onto the group's headquarters. 11 people died in the fire 
 that resulted.
1996 In Bangladesh 600 people were killed by a tornado.
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first 
 round had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. 
 and Japan imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed 
 that the tests were necessary to maintain India's 
 national security.
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin began. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 11.

Happy Mother's Day!

Thank you, Roland!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Masked Kentucky Burglar Sinks Self With Pre-Crime Selfie
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever 
 multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. 
 It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion 
 player.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that
more people worry than work.
--- Robert Frost



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine
invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional
shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.  "It
makes me miss the folks I shoot at."


Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in
Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father
O'Rafferty.

"Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan,
didn't I marry you two years ago?"

"You did that, Father."

"And are there any little ones yet?"

"No, not yet, Father."

"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light
a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father." And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are
you?"

"Oh, very well," said she.

"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"

"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles--ten in all."

"Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your
lovely husband?"

"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that 
bloody candle candle of yours!"


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Click on the picture for the large version
Fleeing Galaxies

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Kevin Lawson, 28, Corbin, Kentucky

Masked Kentucky Burglar Sinks Self 
With Pre-Crime Selfie

Before setting out early yesterday to rob a Kentucky market, 
the 28-year-old took a moment to snap a selfie that shows 
him posing in his white burglar’s mask, police report.

According to investigators, Lawson broke into the Copes 
Market in Corbin, a city 85 miles south of Lexington, 
between 2 and 6 AM Thursday. He allegedly stole rifles, 
handguns, knives, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, and food 
items.

A surveillance camera recorded the burglar departing the 
market with a duffel bag loaded with rifles. 

A subsequent investigation by the Knox County Sheriff’s 
Office resulted in the arrest last night of Lawson on 
burglary and criminal mischief charges. Deputies noted 
that they recovered “99 percent” of the stolen items 

Lawson allowed deputies to examine his cell phone, a 
review that, deputies reported, yielded “a (Selfie) picture 
that he had taken of himself wearing the mask prior to the 
burglary.”

Lawson, who is being held in the Knox County jail on the 
two criminal counts, is scheduled to be arraigned Monday. 
A court citation alleges that, in addition to stealing 
merchandise from Copes Market, Lawson damaged the business’s 
front door, cash register, and a computer.


The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Roland
Re: How do I get rid of Tuvaro?

Dear Webby
  I have a web search site called Tuvaro come my computer 
and unable to get rid of it.
Not listed on my program file. 
Have a idea as how to get rid of this?

Roland

Dear Roland
1. Go to the Start Menu and select Control Panel
2. Under Programs or Programs and Features click on 
 Uninstall a program
3. Select the Tuvaro Toolbar, then select Uninstall/Change 
 and then, when prompted, click Yes or Uninstall

4. Your browser settings also might have changed. 

5. Remove the Tuvaro Firefox add-on by clicking the Firefox 
tab and selecting "Add-Ons", which will bring up your 
extensions manager. Find the Tuvaro add-on and click "Remove".

To change your address bar search:

1. Type about:config in the address bar and click "Enter".
2. This brings up a warning. Click on "I'll be careful, I promise!"
3. Type "keyword" in the Search: section and hit enter.
4. Double-click on the Preference Name keyword.URL.
5. This will bring up a pop-up. Enter the value of the 
search engine you would like to use. For Google, enter 
this exact text in the text field: 
http://www.google.com/search?q=
6. Click OK and close and re-open your browser. 
This should fix your address bar search.

That should get rid of Tuvaru.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Windows With Coffee Filters
When cleaning windows, use automatic coffee filters instead 
of paper towels. They work excellently, and they do not 
leave lint or smears behind. They also stay together

By Thelma mae from Lebanon, TN

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Two mothers are having a conversation about their children
one day.

"How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?"
asks Joan.

"Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat
on his bed."

"Why does that wake him up?"

"He sleeps with the dog!"


Jim was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the
baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet.  Being
only five feet tall, Jim had to stretch, but still
couldn't grab the box.

Fortunately, his wife Wendy was six-feet-tall so he called
her to help.

"Hey, Wendy!" Jim yelled to her in the living room.
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"

"Sure, Honey," Wendy remarked as she bounded into the kitchen.
"But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"



» Trains, then & now:




Today in 
0330 Constantinople, previously Byzantium, was founded.
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland.
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor.
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay.
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray.
1812 British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a 
 bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons.
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British.
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 in gold 
 and silver to pay troops at various points in the Arizona Territory. 
 The money was stolen in a train robbery.
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established.
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from the 
 great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The storm 
 was one of many.
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in 
 central Italy.
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the 
 B.F. Goodrich Company.
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand.
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires.
1967 The siege of Khe Sanh ended.
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a soccer 
 stadium in Bradford, England.
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended indefinitely. 
 The treaty limited the spread of nuclear material for 
 military purposes.
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after 
 takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. 
 All 110 people on board were killed.
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever 
 multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. 
 It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion 
 player.
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, 
 three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a 
 global ban on nuclear testing.
2001 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his decision 
 to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of convicted Oklahoma 
 City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had been scheduled to be 
 executed on May 16, 2001. The delay was because the Federal 
 Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had failed to disclose thousands 
 of documents to McVeigh's defense team. (Oklahoma) 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 10.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
67 year old child rapist claims the 11 year old
victim had seduced him.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal 
 to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion.




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To see what is right, and not to do it, 
is want of courage or of principle.
--- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, 
for the instinct to be half asleep all winter is so 
strong in me.
--- Anne Morrow Lindbergh



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.

"I know," she complained.  "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy.  But there's only so much you can pretend
you're doing."


A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a
halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five
minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk by again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
-----------------------------
I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a
little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that
leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right
to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably
afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation
for doing that.

Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip
on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each
of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had
signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers
while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!"

There were no signs against jumping off the train at the
front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back,
running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again.
Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the
rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway until they
told me to sit down and shut up.


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Cleo Morgan, 67, Republic, Missouri

Child molester claims he molested 11-year-old 
because she 'seduced' him

A Missouri man accused of raping his 11-year-old neighbor 
told police on Monday that the girl "seduced him."

Cleo Morgan, 67, faces one charge of statutory rape, four 
counts of statutory sodomy and two counts of child molestation.
Over the past three to four months, the alleged victim 
regularly spent the night at the Republic home of Morgan 
and his wife, according to a probable cause statement 
obtained by KY3.

The victim told police that she slept on the couch at the 
couple's home but Morgan repeatedly lured her into his 
bedroom and molested her.

Police executed a search warrant on Morgan's home Monday 
night. Morgan allegedly first claimed he was innocent, 
then admitted to molesting the girl, saying he did it 
because she "seduced him." He says he broke it off when 
she "got real possessive of him."

Family members of the victim told police that Morgan's wife 
banned the girl from the house a couple of weeks ago, and 
claimed it was because the child was "breaking up her 
marriage." She also reportedly claimed her husband was 
not a pedophile.

The victim's mother gave investigators her daughter's diary, 
which included statements such as "I [heart] CFM" and 
"Party Cleo's B-Day," according to the Springfield News-Leader.

Morgan is being held at the Greene County Jail on a $75,000 
bond, according to The Republic Monitor.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Gina
Re: How do I write an eBook?

Dear Webby
Dear Webby
How do I write an eBook? Do I really need any course and
special programs for that?
Gina

Dear Gina
It used to be a tricky challenge, but now it is easy.
Just get Open Office. It is free.
Open Office
Don't fall for any of the hundreds of sites, that claim to have 
Open Office, but are just a bunch of nuisance ads.

Use the WRITE program in that to write your book.
Paginate it nicely, and then save it in PDF format.
That is all there is to it nowadays.

Upload the eBook, and hide the download on a secret page, 
that is only accessible as the "Thank You" page after
paying for it with PayPal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Shampoo
Over the past forty years, I have saved hundreds of dollars 
on shampoo. Because you need to shampoo twice to really get 
a good lather, I use a gentle brand of plain old bar soap 
for the first wash. For the second wash, I use regular shampoo 
and always get luxurious lather. You never get that good 
lather with the first wash, no matter what you use. 

I save money on conditioner by diluting it and not rinsing 
after conditioning. I believe leaving the conditioner in is 
really good for your hair but you do need to remove the buildup 
after a time. Even at my age, I still get compliments on my 
hair.

Source: I read this in a book over forty years ago.
By Montana Jewel Therapy from Missoula, MT

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah 
announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had 
stolen two towels. 

"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the 
sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." 

"You're right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the 
two best towels we had....you know the ones we got from 
the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation!" 


"How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his
friend Greg.

"Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting."

"What's the difference?" Sam pressed.

"Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting
me to rub her feet . . ."



» Lego Views




Today in 
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands.
1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against 
 the government, began.
1768 The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an 
 outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned 
 to parliament as a member for Middlesex.
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed 
 all tea in the U.S. colonies.
1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France.
1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack 
 on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from 
 the British.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against 
 the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy.
1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers 
 to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced 
 in Missouri.
1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army.
1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in 
 Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the 
 celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S.
1876 Richard Wagner’s "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard 
 for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in 
 Philadelphia, PA.
1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost 
 $5,000 for a permit.
1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a 
 church service in Grafton, West Virginia.
1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the FBI.
1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel 
to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms.
1928 WGY-TV in Schenectady, NY, began regular television 
 programming.
1940 Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, 
 and Luxembourg.
1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German 
 air raid.
1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into 
 Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. 
1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender 
 to the Japanese.
1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands 
 to expel the Japanese.
1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation 
 of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16.
1962 Marvel Comics published the first issue of 
 "The Incredible Hulk."
1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris.
1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon 
 announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage.
1994 Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africa’s first 
 black president.
1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 
 2,400 people.
1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S. 
 in response to NATO's accidental bombing of the 
 Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia.
1999 The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain,
  Pitcher and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million.
2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, 
 due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire 
 had been deliberately set to clear brush.
2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede 
 at a soccer game.
2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with 
 no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. 
 secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds.
2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface
 to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three 
 U.S.-made Hawk missiles.
2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a 
 new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years.
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal 
 to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion.
2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces 
 of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called 
 the Freedom Tower). 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 9.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Man who Killed Wife 4 Days After Marriage For 
Life Insurance Policy, Gets Life Behind Bars.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for 
 sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





They can do all because they think they can.
--- Virgil (70 BC - 19 BC)

The unspoken word never does harm.
--- Kossuth

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--- Plato (427-347 B.C.)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a
defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license.
The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time
was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when
each session began.

Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door.
The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"

The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."

The officer let him in.


Here is a classic:
*TENDJEWBERRYMUD*
It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the
conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud."
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while
after reading this.

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"

G : "Oh, the eggs!  How do I like them?  Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay.  An San tos?"

G: "What?"

RS:"San tos. July San tos?"

G: "I don't think so"

RS: "No?  Judo one toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes?
Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"

G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying '
Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bother?"

G: "No..just put the bother on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Sorry?"

RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"

G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother
honey sigh, and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say"

RS: "Tendjewberrymud"

G : "You're welcome"

-------------------
If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC)
then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid
embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes.


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Thanks to Dianne for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
It is called Orchis Italica, or The Naked Man Orchid. 
So funny, they come in all sorts of shapes and, umm? sizes.

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Michel Escoto, 42, Miami, Floriduh

Man who Killed Wife 4 Days After Marriage For 
Life Insurance Policy, Gets Life Behind Bars.

A South Florida man was sentenced to life in prison Wednesday 
for killing his wife of four days to collect a $1 million 
life insurance policy.

A Miami-Dade County judge sentenced Michel Escoto, 42, after 
a jury convicted him last month of first-degree murder.

Escoto was newly married to Wendy Trapaga, 21, when he 
strangled and beat her to death in October 2002, prosecutors 
said. Escoto initially tried to drug Trapaga during their 
Key West honeymoon and make her death look like an accidental 
drowning, but Trapaga complained her drink was too chalky. 
He tried to drown her again several days later in a Jacuzzi 
at Miami's Executive Airport Motel, but he couldn't get her 
to stay under water. He finally beat her to death with a tire 
iron outside a warehouse later that night, prosecutors said.

The lead witness against Escoto was his ex-girlfriend, 
Yolanda Cerrillo. With immunity from prosecution, Cerrillo 
told jurors she helped Escoto plan the murder, ground up the 
prescription painkillers to knock Trapaga out and even 
practiced with Escoto how to drown the young woman. She 
also admitted driving Escoto away from the crime scene and 
taking him to dispose of the tire iron in Biscayne Bay.

Escoto initially told detectives that he and Trapaga got 
into an argument the night she was killed. He said they 
left the motel, and she dropped him off at their South Beach 
apartment before driving off. But homicide detectives were 
immediately suspicious of his apparently forced grief and 
the insurance policy.

Escoto eventually filed a lawsuit to collect the money but 
gave conflicting versions of what happened during the 2005 
trial. The conflicting details led to his arrest, and he 
has remained in jail since then.

Escoto represented himself during his murder trial. At one 
point, the judge found him in contempt of court for 
threatening a witness on the stand and gave him an extra 
30 days in jail for that.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Eleanor
Re: Stripmail ?

Dear Webby
A friend told me you had a program to strip the 
>>>> from forwarded eails. What is the URL please 
and thank you?
Eleanor

Dear Eleanor
 Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
Scroll down a bit till you see the stop sign with the
AOL flag (>>>) on it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Evicting Carpenter Bees from your Home
I am sharing this to hopefully help someone else out. 
I came up with this on my own after reading a lot about this 
problem. These bees had returned outside my home about 16 
feet in the air, in a large mass in a small 1/4 inch X 2 foot 
long gap, going into the trimming on my large house, that is 
in good shape. They came back every year from about April 
to September. I had tried several things that didn't work. 
This is what has worked for me and has kept them away.

Get a bottle of De-Solv-it (at Wal-Mart or Ace Hardware), 
and DAPtex Plus Multi-Purpose Foam Sealant (shoots with a 
straw that comes with it). At almost dark, or night with 
a flashlight - shoot De-Solv-it in the holes. It is greasy 
like WD40, and most importantly, is in a citrus solution 
that insects hate. Seal the holes with DAP through the straw, 
then spray De-Solv-it all over the outside. GENTLY wipe the 
excess of DAP off, taking only what's on the outside. 
The Dap on the inside is going to expand and get hard. Don't 
waste your $ on anything else but this DAP Product I've 
described, as this one is easy clean up afterwards. It is 
the only one I've found where you can rinse out the straw 
and spray nozzle with warm water, and reuse. 

Good Luck! 
By joey53Hop [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


 A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?

 Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never
 met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for
 the perfect girl."

 "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have
 met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

 "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the
 one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever
 met. She was just the right everything... I really
 mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

 "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

 "She was looking for the perfect man."


Bobby asked his baby sitter for help in getting
his boots on.

He asked for help and she could see why.
With her pulling and him pushing, the boots
still didn't want to go on. When the second
boot was on, she had already worked up
a sweat.

She almost whimpered when my son said,
"wrong feet!"

She looked and sure enough, they were on
the wrong feet.  It wasn't any easier pulling
the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together
they worked to get the boots back on -- this
time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his
face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?"
like she wanted to. Once again she struggled
to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.

He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My
Mom said I have to wear them, because mine leak."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
She mustered up the grace to wrestle the
boots on his feet again.

She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in my boots."



» Quick Stuff




Today in 
1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans.
1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to 
 the Western Hemisphere.
1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from 
 the Tower of London.
1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle.
1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was 
 the first gas-lit theater in America.
1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois.
1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the 
 first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole.
1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia.
1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by 
 Britain's Royal navy.
1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight 
 entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately.
1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and 
 was replaced by Umberto.
1955 West Germany joined NATO.
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for 
 sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.
1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the 
 first time.
1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime Minister 
 Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center of Rome. 
 The Red Brigades had abducted him.
1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge 
 over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and 
 a 1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed.
1994 Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first 
 black president.
1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR, 
 U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to 
 do with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against 
 his former Whitewater partners.
2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would 
 end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity. 
 Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to 
 several different countries. The standoff had begun on 
 April 2, 2002.
2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at least 
 130 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb exploded 
 during a holiday parade.
2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for 
 representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years. 
 Women were allowed to vote for the first time in the 
 country's history
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 8.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two
SC women who assaulted and tasered the father of their kids.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get 
yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days 
is to go about repeating the very phrases which our 
founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.
--- Charles Austin Beard (1874 - 1948)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

At the end of their first date, a young man takes his 
favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to 
try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, 
he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he 
says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?" 

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" 

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" 

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" 

"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" 

"No way. It's just too risky!" 

"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!" 

"No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!" 

"Oh yes you can. Please?" 

"NO, no. I just can't." 

"Pleeeeease?..." 
 
Out of the blue, ! the porch light goes on, and the girl's 
sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a 
sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give 
him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down 
himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to 
take his hand off the intercom button!" 


Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they   
were having a pretty good season. One morning he was shaving   
and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to   
him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him.   

Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about   
to receive national recognition in this famous sports maga-   
zine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut   
himself with his razor.   

Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs   
to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally,   
bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breath-   
lessly said, "Hello?"   

The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris?"   

"Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly.   

Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five   
cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to   
Sports Illustrated."   


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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Tabitha Martin, 23 and Courtney Littlejohn, 23 in 
Spartanburg, South Carolina

Baby Mamas In Tag-Team Taser 
Assault Of Daddy
A South Carolina man was pummeled and tased yesterday 
afternoon by his “baby’s mama” and his “other baby’s mama,” 
who teamed up to ambush and assault the father of their 
children since he “has a new girlfriend,” cops report.

According to a Spartanburg Police Department report, 
Rodrick Tucker, 21, told officers that Tabitha Martin, 23, 
invited him to her apartment Tuesday. Tucker, who described 
Martin as his “baby’s mama,” added that when he arrived at 
the residence, Martin invited him into the bedroom.

Tucker told police that “once he was lying on the bed” in 
Martin’s apartment, Courtney Littlejohn--his 
“other baby’s mama”--entered the bedroom. Tucker, who was 
likely expecting an afternoon delight, quickly became the 
target of a tag-team attack.

The women, Tucker told police, yanked him off the bed 
and began “repeatedly punching him in the face and head.” 
After escaping the bedroom, Tucker said he was “again 
knocked to the floor.” He added that Littlejohn, 23, 
“sat on top of him, not allowing him to get up.”

Tucker said that “both females began to tase him several 
times with a stun-gun.” After again freeing himself from 
the pair’s clutches, Tucker said that he “picked up his 
baby, thinking the ladies would stop attacking him” while 
he was holding the small human shield.

That was a miscalculation on Tucker’s part.

The women, he said, “continued to swing at him until he 
finally gave the baby to Ms. Martin,” police reported. 
Tucker, who fled the home after handing over the baby, 
told cops that he believed Martin and Littlejohn 
“were mad at him because he has a new girlfriend.”

A check of Tucker’s Facebook page reveals a May 1 update 
indicating that he is now in a new romantic relationship. 
Tucker lists his occupation as “Certified Sex Specialist” 
in the “About” section of his Facebook page.

Along with taking Tucker’s statement, police photographed 
his “injuries and torn clothing.” 

Martin and Littlejohn have been arrested on Wednesday, May 7. 
Bail has not been set yet.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: Why not Norton ?

Dear Webby
Thank you for the prompt response.  What do you recommend
rather than  Norton, and why does it need a special removal
tool?  Thanks for the great job you are doing.
Carol

Dear Carol
Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove
it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean
un-install and in some cases has required formatting to
completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't
recommend it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Beach Rocks Inside Vases
I keep my fresh flowers longer by putting them in stones 
I've collected at the beach. The jar is decorated with 
rub on decals. When flowers die, I clean off rocks, add 
shells and leave it.

By Moonseekerjade from Onset, MA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Groan Alert:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating.

Luke is having problems, there is food over his face,
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.

"What should I do?" he asks Ben.

"Use the forks, Luke!"


The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it
rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in
her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind
of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter
tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and
the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance
to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my
ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the
house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to
dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close
your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your
shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for
you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I
know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine
promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact,
I'll even call George at the office and tell him he
ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?

"No, this is 223-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"



» Island of Shells




Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. 
 They passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against 
 King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. 
 He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was 
 the French chemist who discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. 
 The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what would 
 later be called "Coca-Cola."
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian 
 legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that 
 designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a 
 navy seaplane.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 eventually destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War II 
 had ended in Europe.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union 
 resumed.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on 
 New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota 
 hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not 
 participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los Angeles.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th 
 anniversary of Coca-Cola.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated 
 from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water 
 in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of 
 shortages that 2 million already faced.
1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel 
 military college. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 7.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Teen Who Shot 'Me Driving Like An Idiot' 
Video Arrested For Driving Like Idio
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to 
 $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory 
as the wish to forget it.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of
fire.

Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After
watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over
and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm
waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering why you are tossing those people aside
instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with
the others?"

"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from
Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"


*Seen Signs*
These signs might not communicate what was hoped for.

On a California freeway:
Fine for Littering

On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service:
Able to Do the Worst Possible Job

In a New York jewellery store:
Genuine Faux Pearls

In a Kansas City oculist's office:
Broken lenses duplicated here

In a Boston fast-food parking lot:
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only

Billboard on Florida highway:
If You Can't Read, We Can Help

On the Triborough Bridge in New York:
In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge

On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart:
We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas.

On a Rapid City store:
Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait

On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant:
The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur

In a Grand Rapids restaurant:
Half baked chicken

In a Dayton barbershop:
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore:
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Robert Charles Kelley IV, 18, New Smyrna Beach, Floriduh

Teen Who Shot 'Me Driving Like An Idiot' 
Video Arrested For Driving Like Idiot
A Florida teen was arrested Friday, days after police say he 
uploaded a video titled "Me Driving Like An Idiot" to 
YouTube.

The video, which police say was shot on April 28, allegedly 
shows 18-year-old Robert Charles Kelley of New Smyrna Beach 
running red lights and weaving in and out of traffic before 
striking another car with his 1994 Honda, the News-Journal 
Online reported.

The driver featured in the video is then seen fleeing the 
scene of the crash, then ramming into three more cars 
stopped at a red light. Techno music plays in the background 
throughout the video.

After the second crash, police say Kelley suffered serious 
injuries and was taken by helicopter to a hospital.

"He had to be extracted from his vehicle," New Smyrna Beach 
Police Master Sgt Eugene Griffith told WESH. "They had to 
cut him out of his vehicle."

Kelley has never been issued a driver's license, according 
to police.

"Me Driving Like An Idiot" was uploaded to YouTube the day 
after the crashes, while Kelley was still in the hospital.

Three other people were injured in the crashes, though non 
suffered life-threatening injuries.

"It appears to be an accurate account of that day," Griffith 
told WFTV.

Police waited until Friday to arrest Kelley because of the 
nature of his injuries. He is charged with leaving the 
scene of an accident with injuries, reckless driving and 
driving without a license. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Gene
Re: Why does Gmail want cookies?

Dear Webby
Why does Gmail demand cookies, even with Chrome as the 
browser?
Gene

Dear Gene
Gmail stores your preferences and settings in cookies. 
In the old days, that info would have been in a plain text
PIF (Program Information File), that was easiy accessible.
Nowadays, that info is carried in cookies. Same thing, 
just less accesible.

Your password is stashed somewhere else. The cookies just 
have harmless information like color settings and simple
preferences. They are safe and nothing to worry about.
You can safely allow cookies set by a program, just deny
third party cookies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Baby Powder for Squeaky Floor
I have had great results using this little trick my mom 
told me about many years ago. We used to live in an old 
farm house with wood floors that squeaked everywhere. She 
sprinkled baby powder on the floor, and swept in into the 
cracks. Voila, no more squeaks!

Although she did intentionally still leave a few squeaks by 
the doors just so she would know when one off her kids were 
coming home late!

By Barb K. from Brownsdale, MN 

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.


A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder
to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of
the cab, nearly hit  a bus, drove up over the curb, and
stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then
the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said
he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten
him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's
really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving
a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."



» Island of Shells




Today in 
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York.
1800 The U.S. Congress divided the Northwest Territory into 
 two parts. The western part became the Indiana Territory 
 and the eastern section remained the Northwest Territory.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew 
 over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship carrying gas and ammo,
 was sunk by a German submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was 
 the first time in the history of naval warfare where 
 two enemy fleets fought without seeing each other.
1943 The last major German strongholds in North Africa, 
 Tunis and Bizerte, fell to Allied forces.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending 
 World War II. It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 
 Olympic Games by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh 
 at Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected 
 the Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1977 Rookie Janet Guthrie set the fastest time on opening 
 day of practice for the Indianapolis 500. 
 Her time was 185.607.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced 
 in the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam 
 veterans who claimed they had suffered injury from 
 exposure to the defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and 
 credit during World War II. Germany paid with gold,  
 that had been plundered or stolen.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to 
 $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were 
 killed and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly 
 bombed the Chinese embassy.
1999 In Guinea-Bissau, the government of President 
 João Bernardo Vieira was ousted in a military coup.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered 
 six fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers 
 and others to test drive during the next two years.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 6.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Boston gang member sinks self with 
Twitter gun pix
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) 
 were killed.




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They always talk who never think.
--- Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

>From Nanarina
Why Jewish daughters need therapy!!! 
 
JewishMother: "Hello?"

Daughter: "Hi Mom.  Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"

JewishMother: "You're going out?"

Daughter: "Yes."

JewishMother: "With whom?"

Daughter: "With a friend."

JewishMother: "I don't know why you left your husband.  
He is such a good man."

Daughter: "I didn't leave him.  He left me! "

JewishMother: "You let him leave you, and now you go 
out with anybodies and nobodies."

Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring 
over the kids? "

JewishMother: "I never left you to go out with anybody 
except your father."

Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did, 
and I don't."

JewishMother: "What are you hinting at? "

Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring 
the kids over tonight."

JewishMother: "You're going to stay the night with him?  
What will yourhusband say if he finds out?"

Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. 
From the day he leftme, he probably never slept alone!"

JewishMother: "So you're going to sleep over at this 
loser's place?"

Daughter:"He's not a loser."

JewishMother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman 
with children is a loserand a parasite."

Daughter:"I don't want to argue.  Should I bring over 
the kids or not? "

JewishMother: "Poor children with such a mother."

Daughter:"Such a what?"

JewishMother: "With no stability.  No wonder your 
husband left you."

Daughter:"ENOUGH!!! "

JewishMother "Don't scream at me.  You probably scream 
at this loser too!"

Daughter:"Now you're worried about the loser? "

JewishMother: "Ah, so you see he's a loser.  
I spotted him immediately."

Daughter:"Goodbye, mother."

JewishMother: "Wait!  Don't hang up! When are you 
bringing them over?

Daughter:"I'm not bringing them over!  I'm not going out!"

JewishMother: "If you never go out, how do you expect 
to meet anyone?" 


An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a
check-up.  He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and
tell me what's wrong with me."

"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor,
"Do you drink much?"
 "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a
drop."

"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong
principles   against it."

"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?"

"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every
night and I always have been."

The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"

"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."

"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble.
Your halo is on too tight!!


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Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs



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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Kwmaine Davis, 23, Boston, MA

Gang Member Sinks Self With 
Twitter Gun Pix

Kwmaine Davis has 328 Twitter followers.
Unfortunately for the 23-year-old Davis, that number 
includes Officer Brian Delahanty of the Boston Police 
Department.

As part of his duties with the BPD’s Youth Violence 
Strike Force, Delahanty has been surreptitiously following 
Davis on Twitter, since the convicted felon is associated 
with H-Bloc, a gang operating from Boston’s Roxbury 
neighborhood. H-Bloc members are known to dress in silver 
and black clothing emblazoned with the Oakland Raiders logo.

Along with offers to sell pot and photos of some favorite 
meals, Davis’s Twitter feed includes such observations as 
“If tha pussy don't sound like mac n cheese when you hitting 
it…it ain't that grease” and “Bitches love sucking dick 
drunk I'll tell ya.” Davis, who uses the handle “DopeMan,” 
can be found on Twitter at @superfreakmaino.

Those messages, however, were not of interest to Delahanty. 
Instead, the cop alerted to a pair of recent Davis tweets 
that included photos showing him posing with a Smith & Wesson 
.44 caliber handgun and a Sig Sauer .380 caliber pistol. 
The photos were taken on consecutive days in February at a 
firing range in Salisbury, a town 45 miles north of Boston.

Davis is pictured above holding the Smith & Wesson, which 
was outfitted with an optical scope. He is seen at left 
holding two other guns at the Salisbury range.

Since Davis is a felon--he was convicted of illegal 
weapons and ammo possession in 2009--he is not allowed 
to possess a firearm (even one rented from a firing range). 
Alarmed that a gang member appeared to be trying to 
improve his marksmanship, Boston police contacted the 
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

A subsequent ATF probe resulted in the filing of a felony 
complaint charging Davis with being a felon in possession 
of a firearm. Davis was arrested Wednesday by federal agents 
and remains in custody in advance of a May 9 detention 
hearing in U.S. District Court in Boston.

In an affidavit filed today, a Boston detective cited Davis’s 
affiliation with the H-Bloc gang as reason for a federal 
magistrate to deny him bail. Davis’s trip to the firing range, 
the cop noted, was “intended to increase his firearm proficiency 
for illegal purposes rather than for any sporting or 
recreational reason.”

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Gmail wants cookies

Dear Webby
A friend who is older than you and I just called to tell me 
she switched from IE to Firefox and can no longer download 
her gmail. 
She keeps getting a message that tells her to enable cookies 
(I believe on Google Chrome). Base on your recommendations
I use Firefox and Eudora and do not have any knowledge of 
gmail or how to advise her.

Would you please in very, very simple terms that I can relate 
to her how to configure Firefox to permit her to receive 
her gmail?

FYI, Ark City was 100 both yesterday and today, no rain.  
To  early  for  this  heat . Wichita 102 on Sunday.

Thank you for the help
Frank

Dear Frank
Here it is 33 degrees in your quaint British Loyalist units.
+1 C in metric
But the snow is slowly melting.

How to enable FireFox Cookies: 
http://webby.com/FFcookies

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Those Buttons On
When my twin boys were in grade school, one of them always came home from school missing a button. It was very frustrating, but they were very good at keeping the button and bring it home.

Then it hit me! They couldn't resist pulling that little lead thread to see the button come off really quick. But I fixed them good, I dropped a very small dab of nail glue on the reverse side of the button, where it is sewn through the fabric. It worked perfectly. Be very careful not to drip on other areas of the garment, I protected it with paper towels.

Even those little boys thought that was a great idea, and I'm am still tempted to do it now, even though they are 22 years old. ;)

By NinaL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His
mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and
hangs each one on the refrigerator.
But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child
uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a
problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to
take him to a child psychologist.

The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for
two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but
everything seems perfectly normal.
Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home
drawings in only blacks and browns.

Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the
problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some
paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens.

The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow!
A new box of crayons!
At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left
in mine are black and brown."


The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver
transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant,
a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you
think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that
I needed to get reorganized."



» Snazzy Science




Today in 
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of 
 Ghagra, India.
1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France.
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by 
 Dr. John Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The 
 act barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, 
 marking the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the 
 exposition was the first automobile in Paris, 
 the Mercedes-Benz.
1910 Kind Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by 
 his second son, George V.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) 
 were killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of 
 the Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on 
 Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to 
 Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the 
 Pulitzer Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold 
 for $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid 
 (at the time) for a painting by a living artist.
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong 
 Jones. They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act
 of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris 
 submarine.
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the 
 English Channel links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit 
 against U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he 
 had sexually harassed her in 1991.
1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to 
 25 years in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen 
 Proving Ground in Maryland.
1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of 
 $600 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from 
 tainted blood between 1978-1985.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. 
 She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's 
 wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police 
 in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002 
 in Rock Creek Park.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than 
 $100 million in its first weekend.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 5.

Happy Cinco de Mayo Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a teacher in Wales, who seduced a  16 year old boy 
with racy pictures on FaceBook
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It's all right letting yourself go 
as long as you can let yourself back.
--- Mick Jagger (1943 - )



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A flight attendant noticed a passenger clutching the arms 
of his chair until his knuckles turned white.
"Are you nervous?" she asked. 

"I'm petrified!" said the man. "I don't travel well in 
the best of times, but lately . . ." 

"I understand," the attendant said. "You must develop a 
sense of balance and reality about such things. Some say, 
if it's your time, it's your time. There's nothing you 
can do." 

"I know," said the man, "but I'd feel better on the train." 

"The train?" chuckled the attendant. "Did you read about 
the train going through Death Valley last month? A clear, 
hot day; miles of visibility; nothing near the track for 
miles; then - Boom! - the train exploded and all was lost."
 
"Heavens!" said the man. "What happened?" 

Answered the attendant: "A plane fell on it." 


My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that   
was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.   

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was   
mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must   
have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked   
it up and continued on.   

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two   
golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand   
and a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-   
cut swath leading out of the woods.   

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to   
lose his ball!"   


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

>From Violeta Flores Morales 


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SAN CARLOS GUAYMAS

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Clare Horton, 33, Leckwith, Cardiff, Wales, UK

Teacher seduced 16 year old 
with racy pictures.

A teacher in Wales, U.K., has been banned indefinitely from 
teaching after a disciplinary panel heard she seduced a 
16-year-old student by sending him racy photos of herself 
on Facebook.

Clare Horton, 33, sent photos of herself in revealing 
clothing to a high school student at Fitzalan High School 
in Leckwith, Cardiff, while he was on study leave for exams.

Horton met up with the student for a "rendezvous" during 
his leave, then allegedly drove him back to her place for 
what the Mirror called "an afternoon sex session."

According to the Telegraph, the student told police that 
he'd had sex with the design and technology teacher on the 
sofa at her home after she'd driven him there.

Horton, who was going through a divorce at the time the 
inappropriate contact occurred, admitted to sending the 
photos but denied that she'd had sex with the student.

"He slept at my house and so did I. I slept alongside him. 
We did not have sexual intercourse," Horton said, according 
to the Metro.

Horton told the panel that the two had fallen asleep on her 
sofa after talking.

"To be told I was anything other than ugly, fat, useless 
and worthless was a safety blanket that I foolishly used," 
Horton said. "He was very kind and listened. I was just 
talking about what was going on with my ex-husband."

Rumors that the teacher and student had sex spread around 
the school, coming to the attention of administration. 
Horton resigned shortly thereafter.

The student also told police that he didn't want to press 
charges because of his "strict religious beliefs."

Prosecutors aren't moving forward with criminal charges, 
but Horton received an indefinite ban from teaching for 
her "inappropriate and sexual relationship" with the student. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Walt
Re: Excel versus Works

Dear Webby
I have 2 computers. one with MS Works (Spreadsheet) and
one with Excel. Is the any way to transfer the files across
systems so I can work on the same spreadsheet on either
system.
ie:  XLR to XLS convert  then reconvert XLS to XLR.

I thought i had seen a procedure to accomplish this..

Thanks as always,
Walt

Dear Walt
Excel opens Works files, but I doubt that you can save them
as Works files afterward. Most likely not, since both are
Microsoft products and therefore probably not compatible.

Works is a clone of the Tandy Deskmate,
Excel is a clone of Borland's Quattro.
They have totally different roots. The group that cloned
Quattro and saved it as Excel, apparently didn't know
that Works also had a spreadsheet in it, and made no
attempt to become compatible with it.

Excel is compatible with Quattro.

I would recommend that you go to eBay and buy an older
version of Corell Office. You can usually get a version
8, 9, 10, or 11 for $10 - $15.
Each of them has Quattro in it, and NO greedy copy protection.
You can put it on as many machines as you want.

Then pick up your Works files with Excel and save them as
Excel files.
Finally, pick those up with Quattro. Quattro can save them as
either Quattro files or as Excel files. However, the biggest
advantage is that with Quattro you can work across your
home network. Theoretically you could do that with Excel too,
but if you try that, be ready for unpleasant unpredictability.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Oxi-Clean For Stains
I have been playing with Oxi-Clean powder lately. 
I used it to clean a badly mildewed life jacket and it 
came out like new. On clothing, it will remove yellowing. 
I've tried it on walls, furniture, floors, etc. Great stuff! 
Just an FYI. 

By arsonhorse from Denham Springs, LA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


An area minister tells of his first Sunday in the new parish   
and presenting the children's message.   

Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent   
stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each   
of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of   
life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the   
pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of   
glass to make the whole picture.   

And then he said, "You see each of you is a little pane."   

And then pointing to each child individually, "You're a   
little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little   
pane. And..."   

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was   
laughing.   


At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is
in the restaurant flirting at the waitress,
don't wait any longer."



» Otter Mania




Today in 
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip 
 to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the 
 USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was 
 launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
 It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY.
1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated 
 as Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing 
 slavery in the U.S.
1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was 
 later renamed Carnegie Hall.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese 
 Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese 
 in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation.
1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at 
 the Church of St. Andrew in New York City.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was 
 arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in 
 Germany for the first time.
1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith."
1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on 
 bottle cap with a pour lip.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazis.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
 in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became 
 a sovereign state.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 4.
6" new snow. The lawn mower is quite safe.
There was a light blizzard, when I went for my walk in the
evening. Since the temperature was only around freezing,
that was no big deal, even pleasant. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Californian, who stole car to attend court hearing 
about stealing a car
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a 
profoundly sick society.
--- Krishnamurti 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the
home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were
placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know
what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her
brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!"

When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked
up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- 
spinal meningitis.


A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of
myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses.
That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a 
cadillac removed.

Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch
out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of
the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted
that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.


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Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
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Click on the picture for the large version
Smoke rises from the burning Jianye building on December 15, 
2013 in Guangzhou, China. A fire broke out in the unfinished 
Jianye Building at about 7 p.m. on Sunday with around 
380 firemen attending the blaze

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Timothy Frederick Knight, 53, Daly City, California

Stole Car To Attend Court Hearing 
About Stealing A Car

On the one hand, accused car thief Timothy Frederick Knight 
showed up for his court hearing last month. On the other 
hand, he's accused of stealing another car to do it.

“He obviously wanted to make sure he didn’t fail to appear,” 
District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe told the 
San Mateo Daily Journal.

Knight, 53, allegedly stole a Honda Accord in Daly City, 
outside San Francisco, last month. Police found the car 
parked in the street and placed a tracker in it.

The next day, Knight allegedly drove the Accord to court. 
He was arrested after leaving the hearing in the vehicle, 
SFGate reports.

Police say the screwdriver used to punch the ignition was 
still on the floor.

Knight has seven prior felony convictions, CBS SF reported.

He has pleaded not guilty to the new charges, and is 
currently in custody in lieu of $165,000 bail -- 
$65,000 for the first case and $100,000 for the second. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How to transfer picture from camera

Hey Webby!
   Good morning!   I need a little help.  I have a pic on  
my new Galaxy Mega that I want to transfer to My Pictures 
on the computer. I e-mailed it to myself and received it 
ok but when I try to get it to My Pictures I get nothing.  
Is there a cure?
Thanks for taking your time for this.
Jim

Dear Jim
Depending on your email program, the picture should be in a 
folder named EMBEDDED or ATTACHED or something similar, 
in the directory of your email program.

You can drag it from there to "My Pictures".

Another method is to send that email to your browser.
In the browser you can right-click the picture, and 
save it to "My Pictures", or copy it, and then paste 
it as a new picture in your graphics program.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cinnamon to Deter Ants
Take cinnamon, sprinkle ever so lightly where ants like to 
come in, even outside. They will not cross the 
cinnamon line!

Source: Do not know her name, just met one day!

By Cheryl's Mom [42]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you!
It makes you look ten years younger."

"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly
can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my
hat!"


A census taker knocked on a lady's door.
She answered all his questions except one.
She refused to tell him her age.

"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.

"Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she
asked.

"Certainly."  he replied

"Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped.

"As old as the Hills," he said as he wrote on his form.



» WILD-life pix




Today in 
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians 
 at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between 
 Spain and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. 
 Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for 
 $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months 
 before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France, 
 and massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the 
 island of Elba in the Mediterranean.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a 
 demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1930 Mahatma Gandhi was arrested by the British.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal 
 prison for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay 
 ended. Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman 
 prime minister.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted 
 of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted 
 of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair. 
 The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life 
 sentences plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA. 
 The sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski 
 the death penalty.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
$106.5 million. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 3.

Last night, by the time I  shut down around 04:30, it had
started to rain. First rain of the year!
By noon the lawn had some green patches in the brown.
By evening the rain turned to snow. 
No panic yet about readying the lawn mower. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
woman in Texas, who went berserk about a corn dog
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, 
 CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the 
 acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilization.
--- Charles Lindbergh (1902 - 1974)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans.  On the other hand, 
the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans. 

The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer 
heart attacks than the British or Americans.  
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, 
and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or 
Americans. 

Conclusion: 
Eat and drink what you like.  
It's speaking English that kills you. 


A couple was going out for the evening.  They were both ready to go, 
nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc. 

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat 
shot back into the house.  Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have 
free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back 
upstairs to chase the cat out. 

Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty 
for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going 
upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." 

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry 
I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I 
had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out." 

The taxi driver laughed so hard, he almost hit a parked car.


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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Luxor, Egypt

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Charmelle Henry, 45, Midland, Texas

Corn Dog Raider

She's really in the doghouse now.
A West Texas woman is in jail after allegedly threatening 
the lives of a store employee over corn dogs Tuesday.

Workers at a Midland, Texas business said Charmelle Henry 
threw 75 cents at them and demanded a corn dog, according 
to News West 9. When the 45-year-old wasn't happy with the 
corn dog she received, she threw that at them as well and 
demanded a dog that was not microwaved.

After giving her a second corn dog, the workers noticed 
that Henry had a knife in her hand. She allegedly told 
the workers that she would "stab [them] in cold blood" 
unless she got another corn dog.

She also began stabbing the counter with her pocketknife, 
according to an arrest report obtained by MRT.com.

One employee called police, who subdued the "extremely 
agitated" woman with a K-9 unit until she followed 
their orders.

WFAA reports she faces two counts of aggravated assault 
with a deadly weapon. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How to get rid of IE Hack

Dear Webby
.... You're wonderful!
While I'm at it....what can one do if he has already fallen into the internet explorer trap?  Anything besides taking it to the shop?  Really enjoy your stuff.  First thing I look at (after Ophelia). : )
Jim

Dear Jim
The Internet Explorer hack is not a virus, that can be 
removed, it's a hole in Internet Explorer, through which
hackers can enter your computer and get access to all your
information.

Simply don't use Internet Explorer until Microsoft 
has fixed their problem.

Make Firefox or Chrome or Opera or Safari your default 
browser. In most cases, that will be enough. 

If you have some program, that specifically calls 
Internet Explorer, replace that program with a 
better one, or UNinstall Internet Explorer. 

Because Microsoft has interwoven Internet Explorer 
with all kinds of Windows functions, - and got sued for 
really big money about that by the European Union-, 
here it is not fast or easy to weed it out. 

If you do decide to get rid of it, save all your work and 
close all running programs, since you will have to reboot 
anyway.
Then follow the instructions at How-To-Geek: Remove IE

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Unwanted Gifts At Garage Sales 
All year long, I love to go garage sale hopping. If you 
go early, you get the best stuff. Many people get gifts 
that are just not their thing and sell them at the 
garage sales. These gifts are bath sets, unopened games, 
oh the list is long. I get these gifts and hide them in 
my gift closet.

There is always someone that gets forgotten and you have 
a gift for them - co-worker newspaper carrier, even the 
mail lady. This also helps when I have been invited to 
a home party and they make great hostess gifts, too! 
I save about 10-20 dollars per gift.

By Lorna from Clinton, OK 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


"The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given
recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store.

"For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he
told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving
cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a
small sale into a bigger one and make more commission."

The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and
was eager to try the technique on his very next
customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed
gentleman who shyly requested a box of Tampax for his
wife.

Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed
to see The customer staggering out loaded down with
assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a
one-man inflatable life raft.

"What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk
modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale."

"Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he
wanted was a box of Tampax."

"I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister,
there isn't going to be much doing around your house
this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'"


A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly 
flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. 
"That will be $6.35," he told the customer.

"That's a good price, but it really is a little too small," 
said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?"

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the 
chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took 
it out again.

"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision...

"You know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"



» WILD-life pix




Today in 
1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 - France declared war on Austria.
1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were 
 executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from 
 the Japanese.
1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants 
 prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other 
 minorities were legally unenforceable.
1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook 
 Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North 
 Vietnamese had evacuated the area.
1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations 
 in Washington, DC.
1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned 
 Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after 
 liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy 
 Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule 
 her husband's activities.
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, 
 CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the 
 acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities 
 ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. 
 The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people 
 in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias 
 Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his 
 role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on 
 September 11, 2001. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 2.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
2 NC dope dealers caught next to a school
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
--- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married.  He says,"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to
bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going
to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house
and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma.  You're right.  How did you know?"

"I don't like her."


>From Eddie
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get   
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;   
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license   
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."   


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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Easter cactus still going strong on May 1
Look at all the buds still to open!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, Rock Hill,NC

Pot Dealers Busted Near 
Elementary School

Two South Carolina men were arrested near an elementary 
school after cops found their drug stash hidden inside a 
Scooby-Doo lunchbox, police report.

Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, were nabbed 
Monday afternoon about 50 feet from Northside Elementary 
School in Rock Hill, a city 25 miles south of Charlotte, 
North Carolina.

Robinson (left) and Simmons were both jailed on two 
narcotics charges--possession of pot with intent to 
distribute and possession of pot near a school.

Responding to a report of two men using drugs behind 
a residence, Rock Hill Police Department officers 
encountered Robinson and Simmons, who reportedly admitted 
that the pair had been smoking pot. A subsequent search 
of the area turned up the Scooby-Doo lunchbox, which was 
wrapped in cellophane and found inside a grocery bag.

The plastic lunchbox--of which both men denied ownership
--contained more than four ounces of marijuana, 10 glass 
pot pipes, and a bag with "3 glass pipes with hash 
residue within it." 

Cops noted that Simmons wept and became “weak in the knees” 
when police located the orange lunchbox

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Brother got hit by IE hack

Dear Webby
My brother was caught with IE open on the first day this 
warning came out.
 
He happened to have a file open that contained all his 
private data - including bank account numbers and passwords 
for both himself, my mom and other members of his family.
 
He lives in Anchorage and received a call from someone in 
Las Vegas that they were getting "tons" of e-mail from 
him and the person told him that his computer had been 
"hacked."
 
He's had to close every bank account they owned, every 
debit card, every credit card and open new accounts. 
This includes accounts (banking, savings, cd, money 
market, etc) for my mom as well. My mom is 94 years 
old and has severe dementia. Many of the institutions 
are not accepting his power of attorney. We're going 
to have to get her to sign cards and papers (and her 
signature is now unreadable). It is very possible 
that the lawyer who drew up her trust agreement may 
have to get involved - so that could even mean a trip 
for him to southwest Missouri.
 
When I saw the words "homeland security" in the first 
warnings, I immediately thought this is fake (it reminded 
me of the notices one gets that really are fake), but 
then I started seeing the warning from other reliable 
sources.
 
I don't know what operating system he was using, but he 
did have IE and Chrome open on the day the warning came out. 
It has turned into a nightmare for him. 
 
Noella

Dear Noella
I hope you suggested to him, that he subscribe to the
Humor Letter. It would have saved him a lot of grief!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Towels to Dry Clothes Faster
I saw my husband using this trick over the weekend when our 
dryer broke and we had to go to a laundromat. To absorb 
excess moisture from clothes and reduce drying time, place 
a dry towel or two in the dryer along with your wet clothes. 
Make sure you pause the drying and pull out the towels after 
10 to 15 minutes or else the wetness will just recycle its 
way back on to your drying clothes. Compared to when I did 
the drying on my own the week prior, we saved some money 
and quite the wait time! 

By attosa [100] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to   
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor   
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!   
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard   
me say a bad word about about him?"   


Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon
under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.

"Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?"

"Don't tell anyone," replied the Englishmen, "but we poached them
out of the river."

"How did you do that?" asked Donal

"Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs
and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream,
he just catches them."

"We'll try that, Michael, me boy." says Donal

They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of
the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael
screams...

"Quick pull me up, pull me up!"

"Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal,

"No," replies Michael "but there's a train a-comin'."



» Bz Bees




Today in 
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British 
 troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for 
 the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II 
 of Belgium.
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies are 
 shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 
 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television 
 pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University 
burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took 
 control of the campus.
1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by 
 the Maryland Court of Appeals.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died.
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first 
 democratic elections.
1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista 
 Party, was elected president. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 1.

Thank you Leesa for the wonderful heat pad fo my back!

You can vote again! Ezinefinder is fixed!

Today I have to drive to Calgary for a colorectal screening
consultation. No idea whey they can't do that consultation
over the net. I just hope whoever does the consulting is not
the marblemouthed mumbler, who phoned me. I had to ask to 
speak to somebody else. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award 
AND a Darwin Award goes to a 
NC woman who texted while driving
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2011 An announcement was made that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
bin Laden in Pakistan. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
--- Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - ) 

"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever." 
--- Lance Armstrong

"I am not where I need to be, but thank God 
I am not where I used to be"
--- Joyce Myers 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

One evening at story time, a little girl asked her father, 
"Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" 

"No, Honey," he replied, "there's a whole series of 
Fairy Tales that being with, 'If Elected I Promise' . . . " 


The day I got married was really embarrassing. When 
the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with 
this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever 
hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family 
had formed a double line. And they had shotguns!


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Devil's Punchbowl, Newport, Oregon

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

NOT a recent picture. A glamor shot from a many years ago.
Courtney Ann Sanford, 

Texting to death

Courtney Ann Sanford was a 32-year-old woman from Clemmons, 
N.C. was frantically posting selfies and happy comments
on Facebook while she was driving her car. 

Seconds after her last post, Courtney's car crossed the 
median and hit an oncoming truck on Business Route 85 
in High Point, N.C.on Thursday. Her vehicle ran off 
the road and burst into flames. She was pronounced dead 
at the scene. 
The truck hit a tree, but the driver wasn't injured.

Police said Courtney Ann Sanford had her seat belt on, 
but that it wasn't properly buckled. High Point Police 
Lt. Chris Weisner said investigators have ruled out drugs, 
alcohol, and speed as being involved in the fatal accident. 
Sanford posted her Facebook message at 8:33 a.m., just 
before she rammed the oncoming truck.

“As sad as it is, it is a grim reminder for everyone… 
you just have to pay attention while you are in the 
car,” Weisner.

Luckily she rammed a sturdy truck, and not YOU 
or a soft SUV full with a mom and kids.

Suicide? Or just a boneheaded Kamikaze klutz? 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: Forged address

Dear Webby
I get all kinds of mail that has my address
forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail
to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't
block my own address and spam gets through the same
way. How do I filter forged addresses?
Alex

Dear Alex
You will notice that spammers usually use some name other
than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender 
name field in your email program. All email programs have 
a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that 
IF 
the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com
AND
the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P"
then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it.

If your address has been assigned and contains your entire
first and lat name, then make the sender name slightly
different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the 
incoming mail does not have the initial, it gets dumped.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clear Browser for Cheaper Online Airline Tickets
Many travel websites track your activity and see how many 
times you've been on their page. Clearing your web browser's 
cookies and cache can help you score cheaper air travel 
online, making it look like it's your first visit to their 
site, giving you better chances of lower prices. My 
girlfriend who travels a lot told me about this. I was 
skeptical until I tried it for myself - it works!

By attosa [100] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


What's the difference between a general practitioner
and a specialist?

One treats what you have, the other thinks you have
what he treats.


Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had 
to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials 
and then I asked her for her password.

Her password was "genius".

After three tries and the system telling me "access denied,"
I asked her how to spell it.

She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."



» Quarter Horse




Today in 
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Habsburg lands.
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies.
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form 
 Great Britain.
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed 
 slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment 
 or deportation.
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter 
 registration.
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all 
 Federal troops from the South, ending Reconstruction.
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL.
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines.
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer.
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight.
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin.
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time.
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal 
 for independence.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of 
 neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II.
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight.
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army 
 advanced on Berlin.
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea 
 (North Korea) was proclaimed.
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation 
 belts encircled Earth.
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down 
 over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner.
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more 
 elections in Cuba.
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with 
 the support of naval fire, continue their attack 
 on a North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do.
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in 
 downtown Kent, OH, in protest of the American 
 invasion of Cambodia.
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would 
 limit passenger car exports to the United States over 
 the next three years.
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident.
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his 
 Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. at 212.229 mph.
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in 
 public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?"
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts that 
 lacked federal approval in the U.S.
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers 
 discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died 
 in June of 1924 while trying to become the first person 
 to reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery 
 it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually reached 
 the summit.
2011 An announcement was made that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
bin Laden in Pakistan. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 30.

Ezinefinder is still down. Currently it looks like they took
the machine from the server farm in California, where they 
had co-located it, and took it home to Washington, State.
With Mac servers you can't just pop the hard drives into 
the next machine, because all the next machines are 
thousands of powerful Linux machines. Mac servers are 
getting to be close to extinct, and so are the highly 
specialized techs, who work on them. 
I wish the best of luck to Lewis!


Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this alert:

ALERT!
 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security advised computer
users to consider using alternatives to Microsoft Corp.s
Internet Explorer browser until the company fixes a security
flaw that hackers have used to launch attacks.

The United States Computer Emergence Readiness Team said in
an advisory released on Monday morning that the vulnerability
in versions 6 to 11 of Internet Explorer, could lead to the
complete compromise of an affected system.

Microsoft is trying to close the security hole and will have
an update with a fix some time in the future. Their fix will
just be for W7 and W8 machines. If somebody is using an
XP machine instead of W7 or W8, then Microsoft recommends
that they go buy a newer computer, that has W7 or W8 on it.

HOWEVERRRRR
There is a smart alternative.
Simply stop using Internet Explorer and use FireFox, Chrome,
Opera or Safari instead. Those don't have Microsoft's
security flaw in them.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Tennessee Man, who faked his own kidnapping 
but whose mom refused to pay a $200 ransom. 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a 
 cyclone (hurricane) that hit Bangladesh.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The best way out is always through.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. 
As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he 
asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" 

The little girl stayed silent. 

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked 
down her throat. 

He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster 
down there?" 

Again, the little girl was silent. 

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he 
listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think 
I'll hear Barney in there?" 

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. 
Barney's in my panties." 


>From Elvira
I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and 
put them into the hamper. 

He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the 
place where we put our dirty clothes before they're 
washed." 

My son picked up his things, trotted into my bedroom, 
and slam-dunked his clothes on the floor on his dad's 
side of the bed. 


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs



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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Zachery Logsdon,25, Knoxville, Tenn.

Man Fakes Kidnapping 
But Mom Won't Pay $200 Ransom

A man accused of staging his own kidnapping failed to quickly 
make cash when his mother wasn't willing to pay his ransom.

Zachery Logsdon, 25, of Knoxville, Tenn., allegedly sent his 
mother text messages on April 18 claiming his drug dealer 
was going to kill him if he didn't pay $200, Wave3.com 
reports.

Logsdon's mother repeatedly asked if he was telling the 
truth because, she told police, he had tried this scam before 
in order to get drug money, according to WBIR.com.

This time around, she called 911. With her help, investigators 
set up a meeting to drop off the money. When Logsdon came to 
get the cash, he saw investigators and ran, according to the 
Tennesseean newspaper.

After a short chase, Logsdon was taken into custody and 
charged with filing a false report and resisting arrest, 
Local8Now.com reports.

He is being held at the Knox County Jail in lieu of $3,500, 
or $3,300 more than the amount he allegedly asked for his 
fake ransom.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Get rid of IE ?

Hi Webby,
thanks so much for the info about IE.  Heard it all on the 
news last night.  

Downloaded Chrome this a.m. but have a question-------
how do I get rid of IE or can I?

Thanks for all your help.
Wendy

Dear Wendy
Simply don't use it.
Use Chrome or FireFox.
UNinstalling IE would cause even more problems, because 
Microsoft interwove it with all kinds of other stuff. 
From the information I got, if you make FireFox or Chrome 
the default browser and never call up IE, you will be safe.
Firefox is like Linux, and you can add countless nifty 
features quickly and easily. Like Colorful tabs,for example.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Stain Tackler
Make a paste with water, white vinegar, and sugar to 
pre-treat spots on clothing before washing. Rub on 
stain leave alone for about 10-20 minutes, rinse, 
then wash in cold water. Do not put it in the dryer 
until you check and make sure the stain is gone! 
If it is still there repeat.

By Cheryl's Mom [35]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


There once was a drunk man who decided to visit
Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and
said, "Wow,  these seats are big!" The person next to
him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a
beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied, "Everything is big  in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The
drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped  the second door. Instead, he
entered the third door, which lead to the  swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush,
PLEASE, don't flush!"


A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He
pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.

"This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and
takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie
appears and grants him three wishes.

"I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"

POOF!
He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more
clearly, he states his second wish.

"I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs
reside."

POOF!
Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him
lustfully.

He tells the genie his third and last wish:

"I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

POOF!
He's back in his government office.



» Quarter Horse




Today in 
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire
 under his own rule.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one 
 million dollars.
1789 George Washington took office as first elected U.S. 
 president.
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from 
 France for $15 million.
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome.
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work 
 would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail 
 over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana.
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory.
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway 
 train "Cannonball Express."
1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with France 
 and Great Britain.
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights was 
 put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr."
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had been 
 married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered 
 unconditionally.
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to 
 Hoover Dam.
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in 
 the village of Dai Do.
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests.
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines 
 lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to 
 evacuate.
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London.
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific agreements 
 with China. He also signed a tax accord that would make it easier for 
 American companies to operate in China.
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone that 
 hit Bangladesh.
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit.
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that 
 would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats.
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor $2.25 
 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on ValuJet 
 that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996.
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 29.

Thank you, Betty!


Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this alert:

ALERT!
 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security advised computer
users to consider using alternatives to Microsoft Corp.s
Internet Explorer browser until the company fixes a security
flaw that hackers have used to launch attacks.

The United States Computer Emergence Readiness Team said in
an advisory released on Monday morning that the vulnerability
in versions 6 to 11 of Internet Explorer .could lead to the
complete compromise of an affected system.

Microsoft is trying to close the security holeand will have
an update with a fix some time in the future. Their fix will
just be for W7 and W8 machines. If somebody is using an
XP machine instead of W7 or W8,then Microsoft recommends
that they go buy a newer computer, that has W7 or W8 on it.

HOWEVERRRRR
There is a smart alternative.
Simply stop using Internet Explorer and use FireFox, Chrome,
Opera or Safari instead. Those don't have Microsoft's
security flaw in them.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Texas teacher, who gave a boy a 
lap dance in the classroom
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





As you journey through life take a minute every now and then 
to give a thought for the other fellow. 
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship 
to the size of his paycheck.
--- Adam Clayton Powell Jr. (1908 - 1972)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was 
anxious to make a good impression.

But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of 
welcome.  The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally 
her youngest son ran in and announced happily, 
"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically.

"And then what did she do?"

"Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.


A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's   
returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to   
see that the examination questions were identical to the ones   
asked in his day.   

When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied,   
"That's true, but, of course, in Economics the answers are 
completely different every year."  


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Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Felicia Smith, 42, Houston, Texas

Texas teacher, who gave a boy a 
lap dance in the classroom

In celebration of a student’s 15th birthday, a Houston 
public school teacher gave the boy a “full contact lap 
dance” in front of her entire class, an encounter that 
resulted yesterday in the educator’s arrest on a felony 
charge.

As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Felicia Smith, 
42, admitted to performing the lap dance when questioned 
by cops. Smith, a Stovall Middle School teacher, claimed 
that “the class convinced her” to perform the lap dance, 
which lasted about four minutes and was accompanied by 
recorded music.

Police first learned of the February 26 performance earlier 
this month, and subsequently interviewed the boy and his 
mother. Additionally, investigators obtained a videotape 
of the lap dance, which was apparently shot by another 
student.

After the boy entered Smith’s classroom around 10:20 AM, 
the educator “grabbed a chair and placed it next to her 
desk.” The teenager told cops that fellow students were 
“yelling and telling him to sit down on the chair that 
was placed by Ms. Smith.”

As music played, the victim recalled, Smith sat down on 
his lap “with her buttocks making contact with his penis 
while she began to move back and forth.” The action caused 
the boy to “have an erected penis,” cops noted. Smith, the 
boy said, also “fondled him with her hands by touching him 
all over his body.” The teen admitted that he “slapped 
Ms. Smith buttocks a few times.”

Near the lap dance's conclusion, Smith “got on her two 
knees and placed her head between” the boy’s legs, police 
allege. “I love you baby, Happy Birthday,” Smith reportedly 
said as she hugged the boy.

Charged with improper relationship with a student, Smith 
is free on $30,000 bond, and is scheduled for a May 22 
court hearing. 
---------
Awwww, poor boy, got to slap the teacher's butt and got 
away with it, and is now crying crocodile tears, that he was
hard done by. I have a hunch that some day Karma is going
to come back and bite his ass!

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Cora
Re: Ezinefinder

Hi Webby,
What is with Ezine Finder?  When I click to vote, 
I wait and wait and nothing. Usually it pops up right away.
Cora

Dear Cora 
They are not on any of our servers. They are on a Mac server 
on the West Coast somewhere. However,the machine is not 
dead, I get this response:
Lasso: Internal exception of unknown type. 

That would indicate something is messed up with the 
software,not the hardware.

I wrote to them on Thursday,and again yesterday, 
but they never respond to me anyway.

We just have to wait until they get their problem fixed.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aluminum Foil Sharpens Scissors
A few snips thru a folded in 4ths piece of foil sharpens 
up dull scissor blades in a "snap".

By Linda from Vista, CA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news-   
papers for his customers.   

As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows   
enough to offset the cost of the papers."   

"Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties   
clothes more than newsprint."  


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both   
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising   
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was   
red, but they just went on through. The woman in the   
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.   
I could have sworn we just went through a red light."   

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection   
and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.   
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the   
light had been red but was really concerned that she was   
losing it. She was getting nervous.   

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red   
and they went on through. So, she turned to the other   
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran   
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed   
us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I   
driving?"  



» Beach Art




Today in 
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for 
 the first time.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed 
 for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally 
 to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were 
 married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor.
1945 The abandoned Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North 
 Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went 
 online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his 
 Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a 
 former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four 
 Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 
 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev went 
 on the first U.S.-Russian space walk.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion in 
 NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of Amazon 
 forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2003 Mr. T (Laurence Tureaud) filed a lawsuit against 
 Best Buy Co. Inc., that claimed the store did not have 
 permission to use his likeness in a print ad.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO headquarters 
 in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. Russia's Foreign 
 Ministry criticized the expulsions. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's 
collards over cellphone suspension
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 





If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool 
usually has his suspicions.
--- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at   
engineering university. I used to work repairing   
construction equipment.   

One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had   
some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts   
had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating   
the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this,   
one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along.   
He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if   
I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip   
on the bolt so I could then remove it.   

"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.   

Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said,   
"that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."   

There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I   
always wondered about that," he said.   


This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has
gone all out.  She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown.
Just before the party starts,  two bums show up looking for
a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they
can get a meal if  they will chop some wood out back.

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children
having a wonderful time.

But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown
calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably
not make the party at all.

The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries
to entertain the  children herself.

She happens to look out the window and sees one of the
bums doing  cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in
awe as he swings from tree branches,  does midair flips,
and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is
doing is  absolutely marvellous.  I have never seen such a
thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating
this performance for the children at the party?
I would pay him $50!"

The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.

"HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to dad for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
This one bloomed today.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, Fayetteville, N.C.

Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's 
collards over cellphone suspension

A Fayetteville teen was arrested Thursday and accused of 
spiking her grandmother's Easter dinner with insecticide, 
according to an arrest warrant.

Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, of 206 Harrison St., was 
charged with two counts of attempted first-degree murder. 
She was being held Friday in the Cumberland County jail 
under a $500,000 bond.

According to a warrant, Johnson tried to kill Gaylon Moody 
on Sunday by pouring insecticide and termite killer into 
a pot of collard greens cooking on the stove, knowing that 
Moody planned to eat them.

Moody said it was payback after she confiscated her 
granddaughter's cellphone for a week.

"I just couldn’t understand it," Moody said Friday. 
"Over a cellphone, you want to kill somebody?"

She said she cooked her collard greens and the rest of 
dinner before heading off to church for Easter services. 
Later, she and friend Clifton Evans sat down to eat.

"About an hour and a half later, we started getting sick," 
she said. "My fingers started feeling numb, (and it spread to) 
my chest, my face, my mouth."

They tried to drive to Cape Fear Valley Medical Center but 
weren't able to.

"We were staggering like we were intoxicated, but neither 
one of us drank," she said.

"You couldn’t smell it. You couldn’t taste it," Evans said. 
"We couldn’t even stand up we were so weak."

A friend of Moody's who overheard Johnson making suspicious 
comments about sickening her grandmother rushed over and drove 
Moody and Evans to the hospital, where they were treated and 
spent the night.

On Wednesday, Moody said, she found an empty pesticide bottle 
in a cabinet at home, and she and Evans confronted her 
granddaughter, who confessed to the poisoning.

"She said, 'Mr. Evans, I didn’t mean to make you sick. I was 
trying to get back at grandma,'" Evans said. "They got her 
locked up, but she needs help. Seriously, something's wrong 
with her. People don’t do that over cellphones."

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: R
Re: Earthlink blocking newsletters?

Dear Webby
Is Earthlink blocking newsletters? None of them come through
any more. What is going on?
R

Dear R
Most likely you told Earthlink to use their totally idiotic
anti-spam program, that requires everybody, who wants to send
mail to you, to fill out their form and get onto THEIR mailing 
list. 

Naturally, newsletters are too smart for that crap and don't
fall for it. Absolutely NO newsletter will fall for that.
Actually,they can't. Newsletter programs send out the 
newsletters, but have no ability to fill forms.

You have to either turn that moron-malfunction OFF,
or figure a way to whitelist the sender addresses of all
the newsletters,that you are subscribed to.

I would recommend that you do that soonest. Most newsletters
will dump you,if they get 3 of those dumb auto-responses.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remedy for Stinky Feet 
To remedy stinky toes, soak your feet in a pail of 
warm black tea many times. Wear sandals and air 
your feet.

By Dorothy from Durban, KZN 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Morris had just reached the airport in
the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's
vacation in France.

"I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris.

"What on earth for?" asked the wife.

"I've left our airline tickets on it."


Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way
home to Brooklyn.  Standing next to them was a man who'd
clearly had a liquid lunch.

When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled
out and landed flat on his back.  John rushed to his side, picked
him up, and hauled him back into the car.

As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and
John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!"



» Awsome Reactions




Today in 
0357 Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French 
 rule in Sicily.
1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic"
1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel 
 crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers 
 left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament 
 on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910 First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner.
1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed on 
 a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by 
 Douglas Leight.
1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others 
 set out in a balsa wood craft known as Kon Tiki to prove 
 that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The 
 trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing 
 of the Pacific Ocean.
1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect.
1953 French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic 
 to evacuate Americans.
1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969 Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974 The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed 
 near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall.
1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South Africa 
 because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. Russia 
 and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did not sign.
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 
2014  smiled.

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 27.

10 cm (4") of fresh snow Saturday morning.
A friend came by and brought a couple of corn cobs.
Judging by their small size, and the time of year, 
they were probably from South America. 
Nuked them for 8 minutes and slid the leaves and 
hairs off, rubbed a bit of butter on them and sprinkled
some salt and pepper on them. Delicious!
There we sat, gnawing fresh corn off the cobs, and
watching it snow outside the window. Big, slow Christmassy
snowflakes.Quite a contrast between taste and vision.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges 
After Looking For Horse On Craigslist
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its 
 maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





After all is said and done, 
a lot more will be said than done.
--- Socratex

Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the 
greatest American superstition was belief in facts.
--- John Gunther (1901 - 1970)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say grace 
when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had 
prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.

"I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that 
I've blessed all this stuff before." 


Thanks to Joe for this story:
I made the decision to finally do something about the 600
pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame.  So, I headed down to
the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the
tremendous selection of different shoes.

I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, 
I asked June, "What's this little pocket thing on the 
side for?"

She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change for the 
payphone, so that you can call me when you've jogged 
too far to walk back from."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs



Click on the picture for the large version

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Ms Donald Waelde, 22,Phoenix, AZ

Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges 
After Looking For Horse On Craigslist

An Arizona woman has been arrested on bestiality charges 
after allegedly trying to arrange sex with a horse via 
Craigslist.

The woman, who's described as transgender and who the 
police report is legally known as Donald Waelde, 22, 
posted this ad on the Missed Connections section of 
Phoenix Craigslist on April 8:

"I am 22 years old and I want to play with a male Horse. 
Simple as that. If you have access to a Male horse, and 
can allow me access to a male horse, then contact me 
please ;) I will do something in return.

Waelde's ad caught the eye of another Craigslist visitor 
who reported it to the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office, 
Phoenix New Times reports.

Undercover deputies contacted Waelde. During a subsequent 
conversation, she allegedly stated she wanted to perform 
oral sex on the horse and agreed to meet the undercover 
detective, the paper reports.

The meeting took place on Tuesday and deputies brought along 
a horse from the sheriff's Mounted Posse as a prop.

During the meeting, Waelde allegedly admitted to placing the 
ad and her sexual intentions with the animal.

She was arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit 
bestiality.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Louise
Re: Too much spam

Dear Webby
I made the mistake of signing up toa Yahoo group,that 
seemed to be harmless enough, but within days I was 
flooded with allkinds of spam. The group's admin says
they didn't sell my address, that it must have been Yahoo.
Is there anything I can do about stopping all that spam?
Thanks
Louise

Dear Louise
I use MailWasher,and have for over 15 years, to stop spam
right on the server,withut bothering to download it.

MailWasher recognizes most spam, and you can make filters.
For example,you can filter out anything,that has korean or 
Chinese or Arabic characters, since you probably can't read 
that anyway, and tell mailWasher to trash that right on
the server, automatically, without showing you even their
subject line.

At the end of a week you can then look at the stats and 
see in a very cute pie chart what percentage was dumped
with which filter.

Making filters is really easy, you can use all the regular
expressions like "If SUBJECT LINE contains .... but FROM
does not contain ....,then delete on the server,automatically.
All those expressions are just pulll-downs. You don't have 
to remember them. By occasionally adding other filters you
wind up with a personalized and extremely effective spam
controller. Try the Free Trial and see how well it works!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Up While Traveling 
When traveling with children, I do this to avoid stopping 
all the time and save money on wipes. Before we leave I get 
at least 2 wash cloths and soap them really well but don't 
rinse them. I put them in a ziplock baggie. Then I get 2 
more wash cloths and dampen them with plain water and put 
them in another ziplock baggie. When the kids or I need to 
be cleaned up, I am prepared.

By ldonston 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend.

Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the
car."

"Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it
should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell
your car?"

"No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles
on it."


Groan Alert!

Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her
bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party
celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant,
an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is
the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is
that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it."

The woman asked, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."



» Maple Syrup




Today in 

1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of 
 Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of 
 Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by 
 natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was 
 established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of 
 Derna, on the shores of Tripoli.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of 
 habeas corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia 
 seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 
 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the 
 electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, 
 was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. 
 She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the 
 first commercial ship to be equipped with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which 
 formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to 
 any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. 
 It was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit 
 television.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington. 
 Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for 
 the shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S.
1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry 
 into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its 
 maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first 
 Kremlin leader to visit Israel.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot 
 Freedom Tower on the site of former World Trade Center. 
2014  smiled.