Saturday, May 31, 2014, 10:30 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, May 31.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man, who got lost after a burglary,
andcalled 911 for help.
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil"
in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen
or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
If you can help with the cost of the
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Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
--- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948),
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
Close enough for politics.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still
frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line,
and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an
hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out
onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The
young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he
hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to
plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in
another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the
old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here
for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here
only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen
fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word
you're saying."
The boy spit the bait into his hand and said,
"You have to keep the worms warm!"
Click on the picture for the large version
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else
when a beautiful girl enters the room.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew James Joffe, 24, 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Floriduh
A man with a warrant called 911
to report himself lost;
stolen property found in his backpack
24-year-old Andrew James Joffe of 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota,
Florida called the PCSO Emergency Communications Center
through 9-1-1 at about 1:50 a.m. this morning to say that
he was lost and being chased by wild hogs. He said that
he did not know exactly where he was, but that he was
walking somewhere along Deen Still Road.
Deputies responded to the area and were able to locate Joffe,
safe, on Deen Still Road near Sweet Hill Rd, several miles
west of US 27.
Deputies soon discovered that Joffe had an open warrant for
driving with a suspended/revoked driver's license. He was
taken into custody.
As Joffe's backpack was being inventoried for safe keeping,
the deputy found items ranging from electronic equipment,
cell phones, ear rings and a GPS device. The GPS was turned
on and a "home address" was programmed in the GPS. The home
address was not Joffe's; it was a home on Cheshire Way,
Davenport, several miles north on US 27, where it was
determined that the resident was a victim of a burglary
from her carshe was missing her GPS device.
Upon questioning, Joffe admitted to deputies that he
illegally entering the vehicle and took the GPS. The deputy
added two charges, burglary-conveyance and petit theft, and
transported him to the jail in Bartow.
"We have had people with warrants call us to turn themselves
in before, but it's unusual for someone with an active warrant,
who just burglarized a car, to get lost and call us for help.
In his defense, it does get pretty dark out on Deen Still Road
in the middle of the night." --Grady Judd, Sheriff
Tech Support Pits
From: Enna
Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks
Dear Webby
How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and
send them to a clickable HTM file?
Thanks
Enna
Dear Enna
Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click
on Bookmarks.
With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu
Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere.
That one is a waste of time.
So, click on Menu, Bookmarks
SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS
That opens the Bookmarks Library
Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that!
In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you
want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted,
Miscellaneous, whatever.
IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders,
just open "Bookmarks Menu".
There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks.
Ckick on VIEW, Sort
and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added
and the sort order (up or down)
Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on
Import / Export on the top.
This time you select Export.
You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks
from your hubby's machine.
In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy.
Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again,
and an easy to remember and type name.
Once that is done, browse to that file, for example
file:///c:/bookmarks.html
and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar
onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned
on, onto that.
To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often
used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars
and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow
strip below the address bar for your most used sites like
Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc.
That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update
on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and
then.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing a Stripped Screw
We all know how frustrating it can be if a screw is stripped
and you need to remove it. Well all you have to do is lay a
rubber band over stripped screw head, then just use your
screwdriver as usual and the rubber band will fit down in
the screw head making it possible for you to remove. Easy
and fast way to remove a stripped screw!
By dorothy wedenoja [162]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas
sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right,
ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor.
"If you could have ten minutes alone, right now,
with anyone in the world, who would it be?"
Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row.
"My recruiter."
A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a
group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12
years of age.
The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys
were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are
you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old
neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of
us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever
one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to
keep the dog."
Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys
shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he
exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute
sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys
know it's a sin to lie," and ending with,
"Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute.
Just as the reverend was beginning to think
he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy
gave a deep sigh and said,
"All right, give him the dog."
Today in
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation.
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after
the South Fork Dam collapsed.
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the
Boxer Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa
and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging.
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the
first in the United States.
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded.
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London.
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in
order to begin production of the Model A.
1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born.
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary.
1961 South Africa became an independent republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a
Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the
Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people.
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights.
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years
of construction.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence.
1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range
nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union.
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil"
in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen
or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured.
He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years
for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.
2014 smiled.
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How to sort and export FireFox bookmarks
Friday, May 30, 2014, 10:25 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, May 30.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh man, who held up a bank with a stick.
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka.
The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that
communities be notified when sex offenders move in.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
--- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948)
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that
man can never learn anything from history.
--- George Bernard Shaw
I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts
one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority
by someone recognized wiser than oneself.
--- Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church
to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who
had been very ill with the flu.
The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been
attending another church down the road. So the pastor
asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the
road to come by to pray with your mom?"
The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take
the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church
to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who
had been very ill with the flu.
The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been
attending another church down the road. So the pastor
asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the
road to come by to pray with your mom?"
The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take
the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment
to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Click on the picture for the large version
Pacu Jawi is traditional bull racing which is held annually
in Batusangkar, Indonesia. Jockeys just hold on to the tails
of their bulls and surf on the mud atop a wooden plank. The
bulls are then auctioned off after the race.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew Murray,33, Neptune Beach, Floriduh
Stick-Up with a stick
Andrew Murray, 33, is accused of attempting to rob a bank
last Friday afternoon using a stick as his weapon.
Police in Neptune Beach, Florida, say a masked man they later
identified as Murray entered a SunTrust Bank around 2:45 p.m.
brandishing an object wrapped in a plastic bag. Witnesses
described the object as a stick.
Murray allegedly shouted, "Nobody is going to get hurt if
you give me $50,000 from the vault," New4Jax.com reports.
After receiving an undisclosed amount of cash, Murray ran off.
Police used a Taser on Murray, before taking him into custody.
Murray had $124 cash on him, and a mask, gloves and pair of
boots was found nearby, according to UPI.com.
Murray has been charged with armed robbery and is currently
at the Duval County Jail, in lieu of $52,506 bail.
Tech Support Pits
From: Enna
Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks
Dear Webby
How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and
send them to a clickable HTM file?
Thanks
Enna
Dear Enna
Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click
on Bookmarks.
With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu
Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere.
That one is a waste of time.
So, click on Menu, Bookmarks
SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS
That opens the Bookmarks Library
Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that!
In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you
want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted,
Miscellaneous, whatever.
IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders,
just open "Bookmarks Menu".
There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks.
Ckick on VIEW, Sort
and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added
and the sort order (up or down)
Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on
Import / Export on the top.
This time you select Export.
You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks
from your hubby's machine.
In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy.
Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again,
and an easy to remember and type name.
Once that is done, browse to that file, for example
file:///c:/bookmarks.html
and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar
onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned
on, onto that.
To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often
used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars
and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow
strip below the address bar for your most used sites like
Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc.
That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update
on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and
then.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Glow In Dark Star Path to Bathroom
I have a friend who has young children and she uses glow
in the dark stars attached to the floor as a pathway to
the bathroom. I thought this was such a neat idea.
By coville123 [320]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the
Christian family ?"
"No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is,
you let me know.
My wife will probably want to go both days!"
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
Today in
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France,
at the age of 19.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in
Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1783 The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S.
by Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post"
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned
France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore’s
Garden to Madison Square Garden.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in
a stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger
of collapsing occurred.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill
climb was held.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis Sweepstakes. The
500-mile auto race later became known as the Indianapolis 500.
Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect
American interests.
1913 The First Balkan War ended.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves
to the Department of the Interior.
1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance
to audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu
from the Japanese during World War II.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row
in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil
war erupted.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off
on a journey to Mars.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member.
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a
state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings
by leftist rebels.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was
erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson
were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year
marriage.
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of
raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka.
The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that
communities be notified when sex offenders move in.
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing
up to 5,000.
2014 smiled.
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What is Mouse Resolution?
Thursday, May 29, 2014, 09:19 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 29.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
man, who was lassoed, tackled and beat up
after shooting at people at a rodeo
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in
a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
If you can help with the cost of the
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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
--- Eddie Izzard
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits
with my net income.
--- Errol Flynn (1909 - 1959)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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Thanks to BP for this one:
My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but
it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very
next boat.
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Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street,
when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi.
The street was too narrow for the two to pass.
The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily:
. . . "I never make way for fools "
Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . .
"I always do."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Celestino Moras, 25, Cassville, Georgia
Man lassoed, tackled and beat up
after shooting at people at a rodeo
An intoxicated Georgia man was lassoed and beat up after
allegedly wounding three people at a Memorial Day Weekend
rodeo.
Police say that Celestino Moras, 25, opened fire just after
7 p.m. Sunday, at the annual rodeo in Cassville, Bartow County,
the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports. Moras allegedly shot
off multiple rounds before finding himself a little tied up.
The property owner said when Moras ran out of bullets, one
of the rodeo cowboys lassoed him. Other guests beat him and
tied him up until deputies could arrive. Doctors treated
Moras for facial injuries before deputies took him to jail.
He was charged with aggravated assault. All victims were
treated at an area hospital and released.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: Mouse Resolution
Dear Webby
That mouse revolution, ahem resolution, sounds intriguing,
but somehow I can't understand what you meant to say.
Please use smaller words.
Thanks
Ann
Dear Ann
With most mice the cursor always moves the same distance
when you move the mouse a certain distance. With some,
the cursor moves further, when you move the mouse fast.
That is called "Dynamic Resolution", and can be a bit
frustrating.
Adjustable resolution, once only found on expensive gamers
mice, lets you set a multiplier. A low number moves the
cursor a low number of pixels for a certain distance of
mouse movement. A high number moves the mouse a large
number of pixels when you move the mouse the same distance.
With most mice you have to stop and go into some Control
Panel and menu to change the resolution. With the GigaByte
M6900 Buttons #6 and #7 let you change that resolution
without interrupting your work.
For Facebook or general browsing you normally use a large
resolution number like 3200, so that a tiny movement of
your hand makes the cursor move a large distance.
For detail painting, for example to fix the red eyes or
the reflection of the flash on somebody's eyeballs in a
family reunion picture, you want the cursor or paintbrush
to move only a tiny distance with a large movement of the
mouse. For that you would click it down to 400. When the
eyes are done and you want to make the messy background
nice and fuzzy, click it up to higher numbers for fast
softening sweeps.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Dish Soap on Outside Of Campfire Pans
When camping and cooking over the campfire, rub liquid dish
soap on the outside of the pans. During cleanup the soot
from the fire will wipe right off and not ruin your pans.
Source: Learned at Girl Scout camp 45 years ago!
By Tracey from Santa Rosa Beach, FL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack
of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts
smoking it.
The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't
smoke in here."
The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb
that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?"
And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also
sell condoms here."
Why can't Italians skateboard?
They get wop sided:
When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance.
Today in
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II,
ending the Byzantine Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after
the Puritan Commonwealth.
1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony.
1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under
the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City.
The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis
Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the
Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained
until 1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC.
to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive
for another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North
Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first
men to reach the top of Mount Everest.
1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles.
1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of
edited Watergate transcripts.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in
a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor
William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran
were being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the
Soviet Union in Moscow.
1988 NBC aired "To Heal A Nation," the story of Jan Scruggs'
effort to build the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared
martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians
in mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were
convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The
crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies
in Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey
Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2014 smiled.
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Wednesday, May 28, 2014, 09:42 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 28.
Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!
Also thank you for the hilarious birthday card!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Daughter dumped mom, 73, from wheelchair
off curb head-first onto pavement
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our
solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble
Space Telescope.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Never give a party if you will be the most
interesting person there.
--- Mickey Friedman
"All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them."
--- Galileo
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his
hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor
was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple
question which everyone should answer with no trouble.
If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?" Anni questioned.
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?
I must confess I don't know much about history."
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Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City,
living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to
dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you
want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?"
Buzz says, "Do I care?"
A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear
my Cartier watch or my Rolex?"
Buzz says, "Who cares?"
A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love,
shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my
six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?"
Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear,
but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss
the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.
Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character?
He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and
sold it to the whites.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Patricia Tavernier, 52, Tavares, Floriduh
Daughter dumped mom, 73, from wheelchair
off curb head-first onto pavement
MAY 27--After celebrating her 52nd birthday with family
members at a restaurant, an intoxicated Florida woman
allegedly pushed her wheelchair-bound mother off the curb,
causing the elderly woman to fall “head first into the
cement,” police charge.
As she pushed the wheelchair off the curb, Patricia Tavernier
said, “For 52 years of shit,” according to Tavernier’s sister,
who is quoted as a witness in an arrest affidavit.
Tavernier, seen above, was arrested for aggravated battery
on a person over 65, a felony. She was also charged with
misdemeanor battery for striking her sister in the face
with a camera.
Upon arriving at the Ruby Street Grille, a Tavares Police
Department officer spotted “an empty wheelchair and an
elderly person later identified as Karen Judge lying in
the street in front of the chair in the fetal position.”
Judge, 73, had been staying with Tavernier while
recuperating from a broken hip.
A restaurant employee and Tavernier’s sister, Theresa Booth,
told police that they saw Tavernier causer her mother to
topple to the pavement. Judge, cops noted, told emergency
service workers that Tavernier had “intentionally dumped
her out of the chair.”
Booth said that her sister “became drunk and upset” at the
birthday dinner. As the family departed the restaurant,
added Booth, she witnessed Tavernier “trip their mother
onto the pavement, saying, ‘For 52 years of shit’
as she did it.”
Tavernier was booked into the Lake County jail, from
which she was released on $20,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: Mouse
Dear Webby
did you ever find a decent replacement for your dead
5 button mouse? My Microsoft 6000 series mouse died too.
Warranty must have expired.
Ann
Dear Ann
Yes, I did! Took me some time to save up for it, but I
finally do have a proper working mouse again!
Egghead, now called NewEgg, has a GigaByte M6900 Gamer's
mouse for about $30. It has 7 buttons, most of which are
programmable. Don't worry, the left click button can not
be accidentally changed, and you can't program yourself
into a corner.
Left and right tilt of the wheel are sideways scroll,
the regular up/down s croll is very precise too.
Copy and paste are both on the thumb side, and two
buttons on top, just on your side of the wheel, adjust
the sensitivity from 800 to 3200. For browsing you
use a high number, so that a small motion of the mouse
moves the pointer or scroll bar a long ways. For precise
graphics work you click it down to a low number, so that
you need a long mouse movemnet to paint a few dark pixels
over somebody's red-eye.
So far I am quite pleased with the high quality of that
mouse.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Volunteer In Exchange For Tickets
Cut Through Plastic Bags
I trimmed the edges of a plastic garbage bag and later
noticed the scissors glided through the papers I was
cutting more easily. Evidently, the petroleum in the
making of the bag caused this. You can also cut a thin
sheet of sandpaper with the scissors to sharpen them.
By Betty G. from Williamston, SC
Nowadays a lot of plastic bags are made from grain derived
ethyl alcohol. There is no oil leaking out of the plastic.
The aid to the scissors is most likely from the corn cob
dust or sometimes corn starch, that is blown between the
sheets of plastic to make them less clingy, slide better
and are easier to handle during the manufacture of the bags.
It is only a tiny amount, but enough to make a huge
difference for machines, that make billions of bags.
With that stuff filling the pores in the metal of your
scissors, they will work better. There is absolutely
no worry that any unhealthy petroleum oil might drip
off the scissors. It is a dry farm derived dust.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on
busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty
shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if
we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by,
peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're
selling."
Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his
face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves
and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was
just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??"
One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're
selling idiots, friend",
To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some
good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left."
If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style.
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident.
If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture.
If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation.
If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law.
If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention.
If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion.
If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory.
If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake.
If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "@#$# SCREWUP!"
Today in
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse.
585BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended.
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King
Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid.
1774 The First Continental Congress convened in Virginia.
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy.
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in
the U.S. Civil War.
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State.
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence.
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc.
1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender,
Ontario, to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were
the first quintuplets to survive infancy.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in
Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could
cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California.
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany.
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed,
limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose
to a yield of 150 kilotons.
1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in
Southgate, KY. 165 people were killed.
1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University
Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later.
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed
a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet
air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988.
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at
least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5.
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in
the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.
1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts.
The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions.
Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have
settled the score with India."
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our
solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble
Space Telescope.
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper"
was put back on display after more than 20 years of
restoration work.
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the
creation of the NATO-Russia Council.
2014 smiled.
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Is Silverlight necessary?
Tuesday, May 27, 2014, 10:23 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 27.
Thank you, Gordon!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Kentucky woman, who got busted for leaving kids in
hot, unlocked car while she got a brazilian wax
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds
from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
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Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
--- Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)
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>From Jean
A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a
drawer and had them made into prints.
She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her
at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on
one of her first dates with her husband.
When she showed him the photos, his face lit up.
"Wow, look at that!", he said with appreciation..
"That's my old Ford!".
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A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what
he wants to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the
boy's father.
His friend thought for a moment and responded,
"That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage
collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window.
Saleslady: Sure, go ahead. It might attract some business.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Courtney Kippes, 22, Louisville, Kentucky
Busted For Leaving Kids In Hot, Unlocked
Car While She Got A Brazilian Wax
A Kentucky woman was arrested yesterday after leaving her
two young children in an unlocked car while she got a
Brazilian wax at a Louisville salon, police report.
Courtney Kippes, 22, was charged with endangering her
two- and three-year-old sons, who were removed from a
2008 Ford by “several concerned business owners” who
heard the children screaming. Kippes' Facebook page
lists her occupation as “Model.”
While the vehicle’s front windows had been left cracked
open, the boys were “hot to the touch and very sweaty”
according to a police report that notes Louisville’s
temperature Wednesday was 84 degrees (with a heat index
of 87 percent).
When Kippes returned to the car from “getting a wax job,”
she told police that she was “OK with leaving the kids”
in the auto while she was in the Clique Waxing Boutique.
The business owner told cops that she had asked Kippes
“if she had kids and she said no.” Kippes paid $60 for
the Brazilian wax.
In addition to the child endangerment count, Kippes
was also charged with a pair of drug charges after
cops found a crushed up pill and a “snorting straw”
in the car. Kippes is locked up in the Jefferson
County jail, where bond has been set at $500 on the
child endangerment rap.
Tech Support Pits
From: Steve
Re: Silverlight
Dear Webby
good to see newsletter back online.
better is you are back online.
your diligent labors were missed.
what exactly is ms silverlight?
any advantage to try to disable\delete it?
can it even be done?
as always your efforts are recognized & appreciated.
there is always something in it to remind me how
silly we can be.
thanx,
steve j.
Dear Steve
Microsoft Silverlight is a free web-browser plug-in that
enables interactive media experiences, business applications
and immersive mobile apps.
Silverlight works on all major OS's plus all major browsers,
including Firefox, Google Chrome, Safari, and yes, even
though it is from Microsoft, even on Internet Explorer.
When the winter Olympics were in Vancouver, one of the
stations, that had live video, required Silverlight,
probably for their ads. I didn't care, I wanted to see
that final hockey game live. So I installed it.
It has been on my computer until FireFox29 was hogging too
much memory. I uninstalled everything not absolutely
essential, including Silverlight. It made no diference.
I had to dump FireFox29.
Back on FireFox27 everything works fine, even without
Silverlight.
I would say, leave it off unless something really important
demands, that you install it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Volunteer In Exchange For Tickets
Volunteer to serve as a docent for whatever type of
performance you like such as a theater/museum.
An 85 year old friend served as an usher for the
local community theater. As such she got to see all
the plays produced. She was on a limited income and
this was the only way she could enjoy the theater.
By Mary Anne W. from Cameron, IL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her
son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why,
our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from
him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a
letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was
giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate
the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day.
She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to
cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the
guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as
the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center.
They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
Today in
1647 Achsah Young, a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed
for being a "witch." It was the first recorded American
execution of a "witch."
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for
being Baptists.
1813 Americans captured Fort George, Canada.
1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, when a
tornado struck.
1901 The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized.
1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco.
1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first
transatlantic flight.
1926 Bronze figures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer were
erected in Hannibal, MO.
1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the
stratosphere, by balloon.
1935 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President
Franklin Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act
was unconstitutional.
1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to
pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco
and Marin County.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an
"unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions.
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British
naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed.
1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive
in Libya with his Afrika Korps.
1944 U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea.
1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government
of Turkey.
1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade
Center in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10.
1985 In Beijing, representatives of Britain and China exchanged
instruments of ratification on the pact returning Hong Kong
to the Chinese in 1997.
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds
from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
1994 Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned
to Russia. He had been in exile for two decades.
1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire
to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader
of the rebels.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment
suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President
Clinton was in office.
1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for
not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City
federal building.
1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted
Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo.
It was the first time that a sitting head of state had been
charged with such a crime.
2014 smiled.
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Gmail problems on mobiles
Monday, May 26, 2014, 08:16 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, May 25.
Memorial Day is observed to commemorate the men and
women who died while in the military service.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
the French rail company, that bought trains for
$20 Billion without checking the widths of the platforms
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs
appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for
a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of
what it has done to its sons" that had served in the
Vietnam War.
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 |
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Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed
in overalls and looks like work.
--- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that
comes from bad judgment.
--- Socratex
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The
clerk asks the man his name and he replies, "Yan Yohansenn".
The clerk asks the woman what her name is.
She replies "Yolanda Yohansenn".
The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"?
The woman blushes and says, "Yust vunce,
ve couldn't vait."
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life
begins.
"Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life
starts when the heart begins to beat."
"We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe
life starts at the moment of conception."
"Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts
when the kids move out and the dog dies."
Classic!
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass
by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
could only be one passenger in your car.
Think before you continue reading.
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as
part of a job application.
You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and
thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend
because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect
chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream
lover again.
The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no
trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually
use it sometime for an interview situation.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend,
and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind
and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Reported by Walter, the stone carver.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
New French trains are too fat for old platforms
France’s national rail operator SNCF, which runs the
prestigious TGV fast trains, that are a source of pride
for the French, spent 15 billion euros ($20.5 billion)
on regional trains, that are too wide for 1,300 stations,
meaning platforms will have to be “shaved” to avoid
getting stuck.
Confirming the reports of the mistake, the French train
company admitted that the wider trains, built to
“meet the public’s expectations requires the modernisation
of 1,300 platforms out of a total of 8,700 in the French
railways.”
Actually, the public didn't expect wider trains,
just faster ones.
The error seems to have happened because the national
rail operator RFF gave the wrong dimensions to train
company SNCF. They measured the width of a new railroad
station, and ignored the fact that about 1300 older stations
are narrower. Also, in some cases the rails are too close,
and tains won't be able to pass.
Tech Support Pits
From: Debo
Re: Gmail Warning
Dear Webby
What is the meaning of this warning, I use an Android and
it's the first time I'm getting it.
Debo
Dear Debo
That is the Gmail Malfunction, that I wrote about a couple
of weeks ago.
Just make a Gmail filter to NEVER put mail from
humor@webby.com
into Spam, and to set it as IMPORTANT.
Then the sniveling ninnies won't whine or censor.
There is no point writing to them, since they don't
read or answer mail to their support anyway. Just
make a filter in Gmail.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Take Plant Cuttings Now For Holiday Gifts
Take plant cuttings now from plants such as
spider plant, Christmas cactus, geraniums, etc.
to use for quick inexpensive gifts later in
the season. Even Dallas/Boston ferns can be
divided into smaller plants. That way your
cuttings will be established before it's time
to give them away.
By Cheryl from Trinity, NC
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
There was this city doctor who started a practice
in the countryside.
He once had to go to a farm to attend to a
sick farmer who lived there.
After a few housecalls he stopped coming to
the farm.
The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to
ask whats the matter, didn't he like him
or somethin'.
The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at
the entrance... Every time I enter the
farm, they call me a quack!"
A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend.
"My priest knows more than your rabbi."
"Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell
him everything."
Today in
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans.
1328 William of Ockham was forced by Pope John XXII to flee
from Avignon .
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because
of his religious beliefs and writings.
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of
Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a
second offense.
1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being
exiled for nine years.
1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between
Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them.
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French
at the Battle of Ackia.
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over
the crown and state assets.
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in
Milan Cathedral.
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska.
1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating
that Congress has no authority over state slavery laws.
1836 The U.S. House of Representatives adopted what has
been called the Gag Rule.
1865 Arrangements were made in New Orleans for the
surrender of Confederate forces west of the Mississippi.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted,
by one vote, of all charges in his impeachment trial.
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned.
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the
Middle East.
1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered.
1938 The House Committee on Un-American Activities began
its work of searching for subversives in the United States.
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France,
began during World War II.
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb.
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a
military pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin
promised a "close collaboration after the war."
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove,
Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000
in deposits its first day.
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O.
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a
record time of just over three hours.
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful
eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing.
1972 The Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT I) was signed by
the U.S. and USSR. The short-term agreement put a freeze on the
testing and deployment of intercontinental and submarine-launched
ballistic missiles for a 5-year period.
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal injuries
in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 13 buses in
his car.
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the South Tower
of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 3 1/2 hours.
1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in
Atlantic City, NJ.
1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an offensive
against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra.
1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup in
five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against the
Boston Bruins.
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing all
223 people aboard.
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China,
and announced that his administration would no longer link
China's trade status with its human rights record.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly
in New Jersey, not New York.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in
high-speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only
if their "actions shock the conscience."
1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise.
The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately
$450 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise
ship ever built.
2014 smiled.
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Are there ever any attachments with the Humor Letter?
Sunday, May 25, 2014, 09:22 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, May 25.
Thank you Evelyn!
Tomorrow is Memorial Day,
Memorial Day is observed on the last Monday of May,
to commemorates the men and women who died while in
the military service.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Taylor Harrison for Selfie Incrimination
Details at Boneheads
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs
appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for
a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of
what it has done to its sons" that had served in the
Vietnam War.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.
--- Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755 - 1826),
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.
--- Socratex
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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>From Anonymous HR professional
"We ask prospective job applicants at our business to fill
out a questionnaire. For the line 'Choose one word to
summarize your strongest professional attribute,' one
woman wrote, 'I'm very good at following instructions.'"
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk
about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor,
I think my wife is deaf because she never hears
me the first time and always asks me to repeat
things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight
stand about 15 feet from her and say something
to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close
and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get
an idea about the severity of her deafness."
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does
exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet
from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping
some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer
and asks again.
No reply. He moves 5 feet closer.
Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind
her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey,
what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you
say that tonight we change positions?"
His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that.
Tonight, you do the dishes and then stand by the ironing
board for a couple of hours and iron all your shirts,
and I'll lay on the couch and fart."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Taylor Harrison, 21, Port St. Lucie, Floriduh
Selfie Incrimination
Taylor Harrison allegedly wanted to make a point about how
easy it was to sell drugs in Port St. Lucie, Floriduh --
even when deputies were nearby.
So Harrison, 21, took to social media. He posted a selfie
with stacks of drug cash, drugs, and a photo of a Martin
County Sheriff's Office patrol car that pulled along side
of him, WPBF-TV reports.
The Facebook photos were later seen by MCSO deputies. They
sent an undercover officer to buy drugs from Harrison and
then arrested him on charges of selling narcotics,
CBS Tampa reports.
Harrison remained in Martin County Jail on $55,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Carole
Re: Attachments
Dear Webby
Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments?
Do you ever have a virus or spyware?
Carole
Dear Carole
No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did
and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer,
but from a server running Linux. Windows viruses
and spyware don't work on Linux any more than a bicycle
works on the ocean.
If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either
your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Take Plant Cuttings Now For Holiday Gifts
Take plant cuttings now from plants such as
spider plant, Christmas cactus, geraniums, etc.
to use for quick inexpensive gifts later in
the season. Even Dallas/Boston ferns can be
divided into smaller plants. That way your
cuttings will be established before it's time
to give them away.
By Cheryl from Trinity, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury
had found the defendant not guilty.
Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you
possibly have found this man innocent?"
The foreman replied, "Insanity."
The perplexed prosecutor asked, "All twelve of you?"
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and
off they went to a local theme park.What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop,the Wall of Fear, everything there was!
Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head
reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big
Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn,
PepsiCola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked,
"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
Today in
585 BC The first known prediction of a solar eclipse was
made in Greece.
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems.
1787 The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia
with George Washington presiding.
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain.
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry, even
though he could not get it to work.
1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from
Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the
Baltimore "Patriot."
1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was
convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison
in London.
1911 President of Mexico, Porfolio Diaz, resigned his office.
1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian
theory in school.
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would
replace the Model T.
1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain.
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired.
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work
toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the
decade, and before the Russians.
1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National
Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated.
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded.
1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became
the largest grossing film to date.
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs
appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for
a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of
what it has done to its sons" that had served in the
Vietnam War.
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff
at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people
were killed.
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower,
while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours.
1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a
new record in opening day box office sales. The gross was
$6,219,629.
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave
that killed more than 11,000 people.
1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup
by defeating the Montreal Canadiens.
1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first
woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe.
1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly
elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with
Major Johnny Paul Koromah.
1997 U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond became the longest-serving
senator in U.S. history (41 years and 10 months).
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces
of communism.
1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select
Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial
Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that
China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced
thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S.
weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades
and almost certainly continues today."
2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golder, CO, became the first
blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest
climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and
Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud
for the downfall of Enron.
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic
plains of Mars.
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second
successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong.
The United Nations Security Council condemned the reported
test.
2014 smiled.
|
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Wednesday, May 21, 2014, 08:39 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 21.
Thanks Natalie and Victor!
Thanks Dianne !
Thanks Aletta !
Thanks Gary L !
Thanks Joseph !
THAT is the kind of Birthday card I really appreciate!
Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections
into my eyeballs.
That means no Thursday, Friday or Saturday newsletters.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Timothy Dwayne Fisher who shot and killed his friend
while testing an old bulletproof vest and missed,
with a 22 rifle inside a garage,
and to Taylor Ann Kelly, who first claimed that
she was the shooter.
And
A Darwin Award goes to
Blake Randell Wardell,
who asked his friends to shoot at him.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and
fighting began.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
--- Bob Hope (1903 - 2003)
When Solomon said there was a time and a place for
everything he had not encountered the problem of
parking his automobile.
--- Bob Edwards
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
>From Walter, the Stonecarver
I before E,
except when you run a weird counterfeit heist on a
feisty beige foreign neighbor's sovereign atheist
Rottweiler's leisurely seized caffeine.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees:
a man and a dog.
The man will be there to feed the dog.
The dog is there to keep the man from touching the
computers.
My busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on the
stove with the burners on, so she resorted to posting this reminder
on the kitchen door: "STOVE?"
My sister, back from college, noticed Mother's sign. Beneath it she
taped her reply: "No -- DOOR! Trust me. I went to college."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
A Darwin Award goes to
Blake Randell Wardell, 25 Honea Path, South Carolina.
He asked his friends to shoot at him with a 22 rifle,
while he was wearing an old bullet proof vest.
They obliged, but missed the vest and the bullet
went through his heart, killing him.
This was not long distance, but inside a garage.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Taylor Ann Kelly, 18, and Timothy Dwayne Fisher, 25
Boneheads shoot at their friend
to test old bulletproof vest, and miss.
Deputies in Anderson County have made a second arrest in
a deadly shooting in Honea Path.
Authorities say 25-year-old Blake Randell Wardell was shot
and killed during a "game" using a bulletproof vest.
Taylor Ann Kelly, 18, was arrested on Wednesday and charged
with involuntary manslaughter.
Later during the course of the investigation, officials
found out Kelly had lied about being the one who shot Wardell.
She told them it was Timothy Dwayne Fisher who was at fault.
Fisher, 25, is now charged with involuntary manslaughter.
Kelly is charged with accessory after the fact to a felony.
The charge of involuntary manslaughter will subsequently
be removed.
Per South Carolina State Law, accessory after the fact
is punishable based on the classification of the
principal offense. In this case, deputies say Kelly
could be facing a prison term of no more than 3 years.
Fisher was taken into custody late Thursday night
in Belton.
Both remain in custody at the Anderson County
Detention Center.
In an arraignment Friday afternoon, deputies
say Fisher is in custody under a $50,000 surety
bond for the new charge.
The investigation continues.
Tech Support Pits
From: Lila
Re: Second Monitor Size
Dear Webby,
Does the second monitor have to be the same size as
the first monitor? I do mostly graphics work, and
some spreadsheets, and am not at all happy with the
sawed off monitors, that miss the bottom third.
Lila
Dear Lila
If you turn them upright and hang them side by side to
show the bottom third, then they should bethe same size.
If they are not, then the smaller one compresses the page,
that is visible on the bigger one, for example 30 rows
of your spreadsheet, to fit onto the smaller monitor.
The rows start out the same on both, but are thinner
on the smalerone and by row 10 are not in sync anymore.
That would drive you nuts!
If the monitors are not the same size, then it is
best to NOT extend screens across both of them.
Considering how the prices have come down, just get
a big monitor for the actual work and use the
little one for notes and auxilliary stuff.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Brillo for Stainless Cookware
I was reading all the tips on stainless steel cookware.
I clean mine with soap pads. It seems the more I scrub
the brighter they shine! Just sayin.
By Marty Dick [138]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee
break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife
was asleep when I got home, so I was able
to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy,
you're lucky. My wife was wide awake,
waiting for me in bed, and she started
swearing at me and giving me heck for
being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you
do?"
The second deaf man signed, "I turned out
the light!"
The current scandals over how large companies have been
cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course
I took years ago. The professor was explaining an
accounting method called First In Last Out, which is
useful for industries that accumulate large inventories
of stuff. It explains why the oil industry, for example,
reported huge profits during the 1970's when the oil
shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had
to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the
1930's at 20˘ a barrel. They of course sold it at current
market prices, which accounted for their huge profits.
One of the students put up his hand and said, "Excuse me,
sir, but that doesn't sound very ethical to me."
To which the professor replied, "You're in the wrong class,
son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is down the hall."
Today in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London.
Edward IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva,
Switzerland.
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain
Bartholomew Gosnold.
1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City.
They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first
national convention.
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1856 Lawrence, Kansas was captured by pro-slavery forces.
1863 The siege of the Confederate Port Hudson, LA, began.
1891 Peter Jackson and Jim Corbett fought for 61 rounds
only to end in a draw.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the
demountable tire-carrying rim.
1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a
"thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and
Richard Loeb. The killers were students at the
University of Chicago.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo
nonstop airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean.
The trip began May 20.
1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation
board was used by Sutro and Company of New York City.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S.
to fingerprint all of its citizens.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb
in the Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1961 Governor Patterson declared martial law in Montgomery, AL.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with
99 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the
sub were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest
of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances
at Ohio State University.
1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and
fighting began.
1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister,
Rajiv Gandhi was killed by a bouquet of flowers that
contained a bomb.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR,
killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic
rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his
parents before the rampage.
1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating
on a home video game system.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by an
butyric acid-attacker.
2014 smiled.
|
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Tuesday, May 20, 2014, 10:37 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 20.
Yesterday we had our May Holiday. Everybody in Canada
except me gets the Monday closest to my birthday off.
It's Victoria day, a stat holiday.
>Ftom Mike
Webby, Thanks for showing me how to get back to Firefox 27.
What a difference.... speed, accuracy and all the old attributes
Firefox had before they messed around making it "better".
You are appreciated!
Mike
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Man Drives Drunk To Police
Station To File Report
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its
first photographs.
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Selected from Michael Moncur's Collection of Quotations - May 19, 2014
Without the aid of prejudice and custom I should not be
able to find my way across the room.
--- William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Excerpts from actual High
School writings:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh,
like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.
But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to Jean for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Patrick Ruffner, 31, of Gonzales, Louisiana
Man Drives Drunk To Police
Station To File Report
Police say a 31-year-old man has been arrested after he
drove to a Louisiana state police headquarters while
drunk to file an accident report.
Online booking records indicate Patrick Ruffner of Gonzales
was in the East Baton Rouge Parish jail Monday with bond
set at $1,000.
Trooper Jared Sandifer says Ruffner called state police
Saturday, saying his vehicle was struck by a hit-and-run
driver on Innerschdate 10 in Baton Rousche. He was told to
come to Troop A's offices to fill out a crash report.
Sandifer says that when Ruffner got out of his SUV, a
trooper smelled alcohol and gave him field sobriety and
breath tests.
Sandifer says Ruffner was booked with driving on a
suspended license and with first-offense driving
while intoxicated.
Tech Support Pits
From: Lila
Re: Second Monitor
Dear Webby,
What is involved with adding a second, larger monitor?
I am using Windows7
Lila
Dear Lila
Just plug it in. Windows will recognize it, and open a
screen, where you can select whether you want to duplicate
or extend the screen, and even if you want to turn them
90 degrees.
Select what you want, and hit OK.
That is all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shake Bottle With Dish Soap Or Detergent
Rinse obvious debris out of the bottle. Then put two
tablespoons of powdered, automatic dishwashing detergent
in the bottle. Or place one tablespoon salt, and one
teaspoon dish soap in bottle. Add very hot water until
1/3 full.
Cover opening with thumb. Shake bottle, up and down, from
side to side, and forward and backward. Make certain you
mix it up in every angle of the bottle.
If it foams too much, re-do this procedure with less dish
soap. You may increase the salt this time.
By Miss Bonnie from Denver, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two women were paired together as partners in a club
tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked,
"What's your handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed
that she was paired up with her.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the
bad ones!
An IRS man asks a farmer,
"How much is your prize bull worth?"
The farmer says,
"For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?"
Today in
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor
Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor.
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France
over the town of Gascony.
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty.
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been
sent to punish him in Mexico.
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers
of James II.
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King.
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to punish
the American colonists for their increasingly anti-British
behavior
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its
independence. This is the date that is on the George state
flag even though the date of this event has been questioned.
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France,
England, and Holland.
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde.
1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the
Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA.
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans w. copper rivets.
1875 The International Bureau of Weights and Measures was
established.
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver
to be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was
12 miles per hour.
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended.
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain.
1916 Norman Rockwell’s first cover on "The Saturday
Evening Post" appeared.
1926 The U.S. Congress passed the Air Commerce Act. The act
gave the Department of Commerce the right to license
pilots and planes.
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the
Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of
St. Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours.
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible.
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic
Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat.
1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the
Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper"
from Port Washington, New York.
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air.
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma.
1949 DearWebby was born in Austria.
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL.
The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals.
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain,
which was referred to as Hamburger Hill.
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S.
policies in Vietnam.
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to
run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the
3,000 miles.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National
Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior.
1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John
Walker. Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968.
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs.
1993 The final episode of "Cheers" was aired on NBC-TV.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure
banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination.
1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old
student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered
to an assistant principal at the school.
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional
synthetic genome.
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from
the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris.
2014 smiled.
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What to do when there are not enough USB ports?
Monday, May 19, 2014, 07:58 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, May 19.
Thank you, Hermon!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
War is much too serious a matter to be
entrusted to the military.
--- Georges Clemenceau (1841 - 1929)
That is why Obama keeps firing generals!
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a
man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While
there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted,
"Come with me I'll take you to higher ground."
The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me."
Two hours later as the water continued to rise another
neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to
higher ground.
Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will
save me."
Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to
the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard
helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder,
"Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he
heard them say.
Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me!"
Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing
before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith
was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!"
Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat,
a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me?
A cruise ship?"
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and
cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is
mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far
the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his
trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion
is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The
elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn
tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away.
The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you
don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Marilee Boozer, Lake City, Floriduh
Marilee Boozer, School Nurse, Charged with
Stealing Kids' Prescription Meds
A school nurse in Lake City, Florida, has been arrested
after allegedly stealing a student's prescription medication
from the school's nurse's station.
On Tuesday, Marilee Boozer, 24, was charged with theft and
possession of a controlled substance, according to NBC Miami.
Boozer was booked and later released on $5,000 bond.
The investigation that lead to Boozer's arrest began last
week after a parent reported medication was taken from
Pinemount Elementary School where she is employed.
Boozer resigned from her position on the same day of
her arrest.
Officials for the Columbia County School District are
trying to see how extensive the alleged drug thefts
may have been.
Teresa Elwell claims that Boozer has been giving her
grandson a medication different from his prescribed Ritalin
for the past three months. Elwell said she gave Boozer
15 pills on Feb. 6, but the suspect called 12 days later
saying she spilled some pills down the sink and that
the bottle was empty.
"If she had spilled it down she still waited eight days
before she called, which doesn't make sense about it,"
Elwell told the station.
Ritalin pills are blue, but Elwell says she discovered
her grandson was getting yellow pills from Boozer,
and worries that the boy might suffer ill health effects
from whatever the yellow pills were.
As a result, she wants to see Boozer charged with child
endangerment.
Tech Support Pits
From: Trina
Re: Not enough USB slots
Dear Webby,
My computer has only 4 USB slots, but I need more,
and I am tired of crawling under the desk to unplug
and plug different cables. Isn't there a more civilized
solution than getting my hair caught under the desk
while the dog cold-noses me?
Thanks
Trina
Dear Trina
There is indeed, but not nearly as much fun for spectators.
Go to the Dollar Store and get a USB hub.
They geerally cost $2. The days when everything in the
Dollar Stores was $1 went out with Bush.
However, even at $2, those hubs are a good deal.
Most computer and electronics stores sell them for slightly
more. In your case, get one, that has a 4 foot or 6 foot
cable, not the type that has a tiny 1 inch cable.
Then you can plug in the cable under the desk and attach the
hub with double-sided sticky tape to th side of the monitor.
That allows you to plug and unplug a further four items
without even getting up.
There are USB hubs available at computer stores that have
7 or 8 slots, and some have all kinds of colorful lights
blinking. Don't get excited about the lights, though. They
just blink on a totally random pattern wheter you got any
devices plugged in or not.
A very dear friend in Florida gave me one of those when
I visited her and helped her prepare for and get through
Hurricane Wilma. That hub cheerfully blinked away for years
on my desk here.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Permanent Marker to Repair Bleach Spots
My bath vanity area carpet has a few spots on it where bleach
had splattered. I used a 'close to' colored marker on the
carpet spots and it looks like new!
By Linda [37]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation"
*Version One*
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are
generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you
admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me
for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings
whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy-
-will you let me be yours? Jane
*Version Two*
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are
generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like
you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have
ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have
no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be
forever happy.
Will you let me be?
Yours, Jane
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest's much-loved roses.
"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."
"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.
"Nuns with scissors."
Today in
1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for
North America.
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King
Henry VIII, was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery.
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the
Queen of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned
by Queen Elizabeth.
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon to England.
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union
of Lutherans and Calvinists.
1643 French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France.
1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called
for penalties for hunting or destroying game within
Indian territory.
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in
service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts.
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William
F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer.
1858 A pro-slavery band led by Charles Hameton executed
unarmed Free State men near Marais des Cygnes on the
Kansas-Missouri border.
1864 The Union and Confederate armies launched their last
attacks against each other at Spotsylvania in Virginia.
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was
based on fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City.
1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act,
which established national quotas for immigrants.
1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time.
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased.
Rome became a fascist state.
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people.
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries
in a motorcycle crash in England.
1943 Winston Churchill told the U.S. Congress that his country
was pledging their full support in the war against Japan.
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the
North American Air Defense Command.
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of
"Happy Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The
event was a fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden.
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had
found about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy
in Moscow.
1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the US and
Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space.
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time.
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted
of smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the US.
Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug cartel.
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and
seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband
Joey's teen-age lover.
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages.
1998 Bandits stole three of Rome's most important paintings
from the National Gallery of Modern Art.
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released
in the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at
28.5 million.
2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved
Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago.
2000 Disney released the movie "Dinosaur."
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors
$500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11
billion accounting scandal.
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal
letters and humanist essays were made available on the Internet.
Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of
Jerusalem in his will.
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in
50.0 million in its opening day.
2014 smiled.
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Hot to roll back Firefox to a good version?
Sunday, May 18, 2014, 08:10 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, May 18.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Teacher who was arrested for laying
3 student multiple times per day.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people
were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
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God made everything out of nothing,
but the nothingness shows through.
--- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father
for another, how many dollars would you have.
: "I would have one."
Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic."
: "You don't know my father!"
One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came
into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary
words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"
As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son
piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the
grocery store."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ellen Niemiec, 29, Berkley County, South Carolina
S.C. teacher charged with having
'multiple' acts of sex with three
students each in one day
Berkeley County, South Carolina teacher Ellen Niemiec is
a poor excuse for a wife and school instructor.
The 29-year old married mother of three was charged Thursday,
May 8, with three counts of sexual battery, two of them
felonies because the students were 17, authorities said.
The third was 18.
Niemiec is accused of having sex with all 3 on April 11
on Cross High School grounds AND at a house party.
Niemiec would also have sex before and after school
with one of the students and sent nude photos of
herself via text to all 3.
Crocodile tears at the bail hearing:
It doesn't show on these pictures, but from the distance
she looks well built and quite attractive. It is not
surprising that students fell for her charms.
Tech Support Pits
From: Frederick
Re: How do I roll back Firefox?
Dear Webby,
Ok, FireFox 29 is indeed a dud.
It might work OK on a $6,000 W8.1 game machine, especially
after installing the "Back to Classical Interface", but
on my machine with W7, it is a DUD and a nuisance.
It uses up memory like crazy and crashes W7 every two hours.
How do I go back to #28 or preferably #27?
Thanks!
Frederick
Dear Frederick
FF #27
FF #28
And have a close look at this picture:
Change the Update Default to NEVER.
Otherwise it will automatically re-install #29 when you
are not looking.
By the way, since I went back to version 27 a few days ago,
my Windows has not crashed even once.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
New Use for Old Tea
Recently I found a cache of old teabags in the back of
my kitchen cabinets. These teabags were at least 3 years
old and undoubtedly stale. Rather than throw them out,
I have been brewing them, one at a time, letting the
tea cool and using it on my hair as a rinse after
conditioning. Not only does it clean and shine my hair,
it also imparts a lovely fragrance.
By ShellR from Greensboro, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.
The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!"
"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health. They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady.
"Are you in any pain?" her friend asked.
"No, I have never had a pain in my life."
"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven.
I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
*Rules for Writers*
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.
Today in
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the
Flemish oligarchs.
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded.
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole
and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament,
overriding the late king's will.
1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery
illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind.
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland.
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France.
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the
French Senate.
1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between
Uruguay and Brazil.
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act,
which called up soldiers to fight in World War I.
1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while
visiting a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month
later with the claim that she had been kidnapped.
1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the
Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean
nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship.
1933 The Tennessee Valley Authority was created.
1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the "Lindberg Act,"
that called for the death penalty in interstate kidnapping cases.
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was
finally captured by the Allies in Italy.
1953 The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound,
Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California
at an average speed of 652.337 miles-per-hour.
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb.
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people
were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions
of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program.
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip
ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and
Palestinian authorities took over.
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a
sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the
computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors
which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the
software market.
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people
and seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation
of money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and
two drug-smuggling cartels.
2014 smiled.
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How to make Gmail filters
Saturday, May 17, 2014, 09:58 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, May 17.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Teacher who was arrested for dwi while driving to school.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood
after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami
police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive
Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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If people never did silly things,
nothing intelligent would ever get done.
--- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951)
"To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth
that health is the wealth of wealth."
--— Richard Baker
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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>From Roland
A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit.
So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured
for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting.
He put on the suit and he looked stunning; he felt that in
this suit he could really do business.
As he was preening in front of the mirror, he reached down
to put his hands in the pockets. To his surprise, he noticed
that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor
who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
The tailor then said, "Whoever heard of a banker with his
hands in his own pockets?"
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked
his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?"
The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody
has lived that long yet."
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Patricia Almond, 48, Humble, Texas
Teacher Arrested For DWI
While Driving To School
A middle school teacher in Humble, Texas has been charged
with DWI after authorities said she was swerving all over
the road -- while she was on the way to teach class.
Investigators say Patricia Almond, 48, even grazed a highway
retaining wall on southbound Highway 59 before they pulled
her over shortly before 8 a.m. Thursday morning.
Investigators said Almond was disoriented with bloodshot
eyes, smelled of alcohol and was swaying from side to side.
Almond was arrested on suspicion of DWI, but the charges
haven't stopped her from teaching class.
The Humble Independent School District released this
statement about the arrest:
“The incident is being addressed through the court system,
as it happened off campus, outside of school hours, and did
not involve students. Human Resources will be reviewing the
police report and then meeting with the staff member to
discuss options.”
Almond isn't the only teacher employed by the Humble ISD
that has been arrested recently.
Monica Quintero, a first grade teacher at Ridgecreek Elementary,
was busted last Wednesday for allegedly dealing drugs out of
her apartment with her felon boyfriend and two others.
Tech Support Pits
From: Dan
Re: How do I make Gmail Filters
Hello dearwebby,
i have the same problem as patrica,how do you make a filter?
Dan
Dear Dan
To make a filter in Gmail look for the tiny down
arrow on the right side in theSearch bar.
Pull that down.
You now see the form for creating a filter.
Put, for example, humor@webby.com into the FROM slot.
Once you have at least ONE search criterium filled in,
you see "Create Filter with this search"
(They did not know how to spell criterium,
so they left that out)
Hit that and on the next window you can tell it what to do,
for example, star it, Never send it to Spam,
and also checkmark "Also apply to x number of mails
already found.
Then hit Create this filter.
Done.
That is all there is to it.
They cleaned up their act and made it quite simple and
straight forward to create filters.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Set a Timer to Put Out Candles
I enjoy seeing my candles lit. It gives a warm cosy feeling
on a cold winter's day. But how many times have we heard
about candles left unattended causing fires.
My tip for today is to "put on the stove timer when you light
the candle, for the length of time you want them lit".
This will remind you to blow them out. If this tip will
prevent one fire, then its worth the effort.
By Sheila [61]
You can set candles into a glass dish or bowl.
That way it is safe. A real (or fake cast) crystal cut
cookie bowl even enhances the candle light.
And, don't blow out a candle! That causes the hot tip of
the wick to turn to white ash, and you shorten the wick
and the life of the candle. Always use a nail and dip the
wick into the molten pool of wax to extinguish it.
That way the wick is protected from drying out and
turning to ash.
Especially with large, decorative candles, that little
trick really extends the life of the candle and saves you
from having to insert a new wick.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.
"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1922 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"
"He is the original owner."
Today in
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor
Humayun at Kanauj.
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on
Jupiter's surface.
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in
Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France.
1756 Britain declared war on France again, beginning
the French and Indian War.
1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall
Street by 24 brokers.
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution,
which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.
1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was
installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico"
to "Puerto Rico."
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the
invasion of France.
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's
railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers
and trainmen.
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1954 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school
integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka.
The ruling declared that racially segregated schools were
inherently unequal.
1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for
sale in Caldwell Township, NJ.
1973 The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings.
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood
after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami
police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive
Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.
1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas"
on CBS-TV. He returned the following season.
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark
in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq
and the United States called the attack a mistake.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring
neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in.
Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who
was raped and killed in 1994.
1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the
Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire.
2000 Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to police
in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan members were
arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 1963 that
killed four young black girls.
2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the
broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era
forced labor.
2001 The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp based on
Charles M. Schulz's "Peanuts" comic strip.
2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about
24 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel
sunk under a Navy program to dispose of old warships
by turning them into diving attractions. It was the
largest man-made reef at the time of the sinking.
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea
for the first time since 1953.
2014 smiled.
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Friday, May 16, 2014, 10:22 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, May 16.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you, Ron!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
PE teacher caught stealing money from lockers
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of
the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic
rule.
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Be thankful we're not getting all the government
we're paying for.
--- Will Rogers
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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>From Joe
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he
planned to be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few
people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up
a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied
voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off,
and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, and
then clicked the light on and began searching for more
valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room,
his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked,
"I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of idiot would
name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of idiot that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Cornered Cougar
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Rodney Barnes, New Smyrna Beach, Florida
P.E. Teacher Stole $950
From Student Lockers
Investigators say physical education teacher Rodney Barnes
stole $950 from students in the boy's locker room at New
Smyrna Beach High School in New Smyrna Beach, Florida.
Authorities first began investigating the locker room thefts
in April when students reported cash missing from their
wallets.
Volusia County deputies were unable to put surveillance
cameras in the locker room, so they stashed $141 worth of
decoy money, covered with an invisible ultralight powder,
in a student's wallet, according to the Associated Press.
Although "Operation Sticky Fingers" was run numerous times
in April, Monday was the first time that a student helping
with the sting finally noticed missing money. That same day,
deputies checked the hands of students and faculty using
an ultraviolet light and the powder allegedly showed up
on Barnes' hands.
Upon questioning, Barnes admitted to taking a $50 bill
from the student’s wallet and admitted to several other
thefts totaling $170, cops say.
Barnes has been accused of mishandling student money in
the money in the past.
According to employment records obtained by the Daytona
Beach News-Journal, Barnes was reprimanded in September,
2012, for collecting $1,200 from students for P.E.
uniforms without turning in the money.
Barnes was charged with grand theft and burglary, and
released on $3,000 bail on Tuesday. He resigned from
his job on Wednesday, according to the Volusia County
Sheriff's Office.
Tech Support Pits
From: Patricia
Re: Gmail sniveling about the vote button
Hello dearwebby,
for the last three days I have had a sign at the top of
the letter I receive from you, saying this might be spam
or some dreadful thing. Â This not true because I always
get the same letter as before. Â I wonder if others who
receive your letter are getting the same warning.
Thanks for your letter, pictures and history lesson.
Your faithful reader
Patricia
Dear Patricia
That's just some sniveling ninnies at Gmail getting too
overprotective. Apparently they get all paranoid
about the Ezinefinder vote button, which incidentally
is unchanged since about 1998.
Yes, I agree, that is quite pathetic. Obviously somebody,
who has not progressed from programming their
washing machine, got promoted into a spot at Google,
where they can be a real nuisance.
Quite a few people complained about that.
I am also subscribed with my Gmail address, still from
the days when Gmail was new and a bit erratic,
but because I made a filter to exclude the Humor Letter
from their thilly mistakes, I don't get that red warning
about the totally harmless vote button.
You can either write to them and tell them to fix
their mistake,
or make a filter.
I wrote to them about it, but I don't really expect a reply.
Easiest and fastest is probably to make a filter.
If you are not familiar with making filters, don't be shy!
Tell me, and I will make that tomorrow's tech tip.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use All the Lotion in a Tube
When you can't squeeze any more lotion out of a plastic
tube, save what is left inside by cutting the tube so
you can dip it out with your finger. I trim the tube
so the top will fit over the bottom and this keeps
it from drying out. It works great for me.
By Litter Gitter [95]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Jarhead Math
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won
some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows
humor.
During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander,
whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary
Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack
in his sector.
"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.
"Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited
Korean Officer.
General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer,
"Many, many, many, many Chinese!"
"Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the radio."
In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?"
"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese
you got up there?"
"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"
"Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's
someone up there who knows how to count!"
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer,
"have you got any other skills you think may be worth
mentioning?"
"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly.
"Last year I had two short stories published in national
magazines, and I finished my novel."
"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking
of skills you could apply during office hours."
Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was all writen
during office hours.
Today in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King
Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
1866 The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during
the Senate impeachment, by one vote.
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set
up the Afghan state.
1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public
started service.
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc
was demonstrated by Emile Berliner.
1888 The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin.
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway.
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic
tape recorder.
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory
in California, demonstrated the first working laser.
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to
Earth, ending Project Mercury.
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the
planet Venus.
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman
to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with
3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles
in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to
New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have
to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage.
1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch
to address the U.S. Congress.
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of
the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic
rule.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated
to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S.
first lady to run for public office.
2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new
PlayStation 3 video game machine.
2014 smiled.
|
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Thursday, May 15, 2014, 10:00 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 15.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Oklahoma English Teacher Traded Sex For Grades
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
Lay this unto your breast: Old friends, like old swords,
still are trusted best.
--- John Webster
I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?
--- Sam Levenson
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
An overweight Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The
doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds.
Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days,
she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky
twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for
the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last
question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to
run home 300 Miles?"
>From Luke
It can buy a bed - but not sleep
It can buy a clock - but not time
It can buy you a book - but not knowledge
It can buy you a position - but not respect
It can buy you medicine - but not health
It can buy you blood - but not life
It can buy you sex - but not love
So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes
pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your friend,
and as your friend I want to take away your pain
and suffering.
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom!
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to Jean for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Busy deer stand!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kalyn Thompson, 25, Kellyville, Oklahoma
Oklahoma English Teacher
Traded Sex For Grades
An English teacher at an Oklahoma high school is charged
with second degree rape following an alleged inappropriate
relationship with a student.
Kalyn Thompson, 25, turned herself in to police on Monday.
She resigned from her position at Kellyville High School in
April.
In a police interview, the victim, who is in his junior year,
told investigators that he had sex with Thompson twice --
once at a local lake and once at a Tulsa motel. Although the
age of consent in Oklahoma is 16, Underwood said that as a
teacher, Thompson is an authority figure. "It's sad because
they're vulnerable to it, and obviously he's getting a good
grade from it," she told NewsOn6.
According to police, the victim was "flunking English last
semester but currently has a 98 percent grade point average."
Police said the boy's mother asked the teacher not to contact
her son outside of school after she discovered texts from
Thompson on his phone, but the suspect persisted.
High school staff found out about the relationship in April
after two other students saw Thompson in the victim's truck
away from school, took photos, and reported it.
Parents were shocked to learn of the allegations.
"You send your kids to a small town school thinking they're
going to get a better education, because it's more one-on-one.
Thompson bonded out of jail Monday. Police say a second charge
is likely.
Tech Support Pits
From: Rheta
Re: Lost mouse
Dear webby:
My grand son has lost his mouse. And I'm not sure of
the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas
On this problem ?
Rheta
Dear Rheta
Eery time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help,
plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't
last very long, especially the cheaper ones.
Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new
computers.
However, even $60 or more expensive mice don't last
forever. Wired mice develop bad cables, wireless mice
loose their transmitter. A good quality Microsoft mouse
will usually last about 3 - 4 years of heavy usage.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use All the Lotion in a Tube
When you can't squeeze any more lotion out of a plastic
tube, save what is left inside by cutting the tube so
you can dip it out with your finger. I trim the tube
so the top will fit over the bottom and this keeps
it from drying out. It works great for me.
By Litter Gitter [95]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Rosie for this story:
Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night
before, my husband planned to come home from the office
before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting
had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided
to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel.
I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings
with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some
bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine.
When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen
table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all.
I'll call you when I get there."
Today in
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the
treaty of St.Menehould.
1618 Johannes Kepler published his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased
Corsica from Genoa.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in
possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of
Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of
the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell
civil disorder.
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale in the U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was
3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria,
Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its
independence.
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one
million stockholders.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas
Island in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched
in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first
two female generals.
1970 Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two
black students at Jackson State University in Mississippi,
were killed when police opened fire during student
protests.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer
in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency.
Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from
Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the
United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by
implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its
115,000 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been
there for more than eight years.
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was
sold for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission
to deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh
American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough
votes to impeach President Boris Yeltsin.
2014 smiled.
|
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How to get rid of the ASK tool bar?
Wednesday, May 14, 2014, 09:22 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 14.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Couple in fatal crash, who were intoxicated,
and naked below the waist.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as
the first U.S. manned space station.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
--- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
An authority on African animals was giving a lecture.
When he finished, he asked for questions.
One man stood up and asked,
"Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you
if you carry a lighted torch?"
The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."
>From James
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister
left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew.
I said, "What do I do if he cries?"
She said, "Give him some vegetables."
It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite vegetable.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
This one bloomed today
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Matthew Notebaert,
Couple In Fatal Crash Were Intoxicated,
Naked Below The Waist
Police have released new information regarding a car crash
in South Florida that killed a young mother.
Amanda Notebaert, 31, died after a sedan driven by her
30-year-old husband, Matthew, plowed into a canal March 9.
The couple had attended a concert that night, and police
have now confirmed that they were intoxicated when the
fatal crash occurred.
In an arrest affidavit obtained by the Sun-Sentinel, Palm
Beach County Sheriff's deputies say that Matthew Notebaert
and his wife had THC and alcohol in their systems, and were
both naked from the waist down when they crashed. They said
Amanda was on her husband's lap when he sped the car off a
dead-end dirt road and into the far side of a canal.
The newspaper reports:
Neither of the Notebaerts were wearing seatbelts and
both were naked from the waist down... Amanda Notebaert's
head hit the dashboard and windshield, while Matthew
Notebaert's knees were crushed by the lower part of the
dashboard. She died at the scene.
A toxicology report showed that Notebaert had a blood-alcohol
level of .135 to .163 percent. The legal limit is .08 percent.
He was arrested Wednesday and now faces charges including DUI
manslaughter and vehicular homicide.
The incident happened a block from their home,
they knew about the road dead-end and the canal,
and that a block from home they should have slowed down.
The couple have two young children, ages 9 years and 7 months.
Notebaert wept openly in court during his arraignment
Thursday as his attorney told the judge that he just
wanted "to get back to his kids."
Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: How to get rid of ASK
Dear Webby
Can you please help me to remove the ASK program from my
computer? I have tried to do this, but some instructions
are asking me to install other programs. I cannot find ASK
listed under programs on my computer. If I go to 'programms',
ASK is not listed there.
Many Thanks
Denise
Dear Denise
The easiest way to get rid of that malware is to use
MalwareBytes.
The link is also on the Right side menu of the
Humor Letter, for your every day convenience,
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Liquid Dishwasher Soap
I have had to be very frugal with my budget and have
found myself without dishwasher detergent. I have tried
this and found it to work very good! Take a squirt of
orange cleaner, a squirt of your homemade everyday cleaner
(vinegar/alcohol/water 3:1:2), and a squirt of dishwashing
liquid and the dishes do quite well!
By Kellyb from IN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Manny
Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college
graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the
diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please
stand up?"
My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum
Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
Call Center Classic:
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have
just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back
two weeks will I have my file back again?".
Today in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon
deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians
in Northern Italy.
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated
by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac.
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death
of his father, Louis XIII.
1787 Delegates began gathering in Philadelphia for a
convention to draw up the U.S. Constitution.
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner.
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp
Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis
joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery."
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain.
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk.
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole.
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough.
1879 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone
Company of Europe.
1897 "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa
was performed for the first time. It was at a ceremony where
a statue of George Washington was unveiled.
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by
wireless telegraph.
1913 The Rockefeller Foundation was created by John D.
Rockefeller with a gift of $100,000,000.
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement.
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany.
1942 The Women's Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) was established
by an act of the U.S. Congress.
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India.
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the
independent State of Israel as British rule in Palestine
came to an end.
1955 The Warsaw Pact, a Eastern European mutual-defense
treaty, was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc
countries including the Soviet Union.
1961 A bus carrying Freedom Riders was bombed and burned
in Alabama.
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as
the first U.S. manned space station.
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang
and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All
40 crew members were released safely by Cambodia. About
40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the military operation.
1985 The first McDonald's restaurant became the first
fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines,
Illinois.
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was
involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants.
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed
members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a
bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union.
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More
than 440 people were killed.
1998 The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary.
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers
that had been killed during the Korean War.
2014 smiled.
|
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Dump FireFox 29, revert to FF28
Tuesday, May 13, 2014, 09:39 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 13.
Today, after about half a dozen years of steady work,
my good old mouse died. Luckily I still had an old mouse,
that still had basic functionality. It is amazing how one
gets used to the extra buttons, and how much slower work
progresses without them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
principal in New York, who was fooling around
too much in school.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was
fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas,
more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at
Appomattox, VA.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
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We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know
because they have never deceived us.
--- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)
Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad.
--- Diogenes the Cynic (412 BC - 323 BC)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in
common?
Their middle name.
Ole and Sven bought a truckload of watermelons, paying
one dollar apiece for them.
Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons
for the SAME price ($1) they'd paid for them.
After counting their money at the end of the day,
they realize they'd ended up with no more money than
they'd started with.
"See!" said Ole. "I told you ve shoulda got a
bigger truck."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
You found me!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Annie Schmutz Seifullah, 35, Long Island City
School Principal Accused Of Sex With
Employees, Parent On Campus
A New York principal could face misconduct charges following
allegations that she had sex with co-workers and a student's
parent on campus while school was in session.
Annie Schmutz Seifullah, 35, was removed from the Robert
Wagner Secondary School of Arts and Technology in Long
Island City on May 1 after her jilted ex-boyfriend, a
single father, went to police with shocking allegations,
and images to back them up, the New York Post reports.
The man told cops that Seifullah had cheated on him with
a NYPD security officer who worked at the school, and
with a visiting assistant principal -- both times at the
school. In audio and video recordings provided by her
accuser, a woman identified as Seifullah admits to the acts.
The New York Post reports:
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I
thought it was OK,” she tells the furious dad in the taped
conversation, after he accuses her of cheating on him.
“You gave him [expletive deleted] while my child was in
the building,” he roars at one point.
The man went to police after his relationship with
Seifullah unravelled. According to the New York Post,
he gave investigators three laptop computers owned
by the Department of Education that contained photos
and video of the woman in racy lingerie and in various
sex acts, including a threesome. In one photo obtained
by the Post, Seifullah appears posing in lingerie.
Police said they removed computers and other electronics
from the woman's office and home.
NYC teachers and administrators aren't banned from
dating each other, but favoritism or mistreatment could
lead to a citation. Having sex in school or putting
sexual images on school computers can lead to misconduct
charges.
WPIX reports than an investigation by the Department of
Education is underway.
"We are appalled by these disturbing allegations and
acted swiftly to remove the principal while the matter
is under investigation," a Department of Education
spokesman said, according to Gothamist. "This type of
alleged behavior is completely unacceptable for any
DOE employee."
Tech Support Pits
From: Alda
Re: The new version of Firefox stinks!
Dear Webby
The new version of Firefox stinks! How do I go back to #28 ?
Alda
Dear Alda
Try FF 28.0b0
By the way, you are not the only one, who is not impressed
with version 29.
There is already an ADD-ON available to make the
User Interface look like the one before version 29, but
it is a struggle, and it does not speed up the browser.
Hopefully with version 30 or 31 they listen to what the
users want, instead of the thilly wienies, who just
want changes for the sake of change.
Don't be shy about telling them!
The Feedback page is at Feedback
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Melted Plastic from a Glass Cooktop
When left with just the residue of plastic on the cooktop:
turn burner to maximum for 10 minutes (exhaust on for fumes),
until residue turns from black to charcoal grey. After cooktop
cools, wipe with a dry cloth. The residue will be nothing,
but ash.
Source: Tried this after melting a plastic bag on the cooktop.
Easiest cleaning ever.
By Trish M. [1]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning
of the word "service". "The act of doing things for other people."
Then I heard the terms such as "Internal Revenue Service,"
"Postal Service," "Civil Service," "Service Stations."
And I became confused about the word "service." This is not
what I thought "service" meant.
One day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them
mentioned that he was having a bull "service" a few of his cows.
It all came into perspective.
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
Today in
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England.
1648 Margaret Jones of Plymouth was found guilty of
witchcraft and was sentenced to be hanged by the neck.
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended.
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He
successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on
January 18, 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north
eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in
the U.S. by Samuel Rust.
1846 The U.S. declared that war already existed with Mexico.
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in the American
Civil War.
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was
fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas,
more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at
Appomattox, VA.
1867 Confederate President Jefferson Davis became a free
man after spending two years in prison for his role in the
American Civil War.
1873 Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder.
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway
in Menlo Park.
1888 Slavery was abolished in Brazil.
1912 Royal Flying Corps was established in England.
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft.
1917 Three peasant children near Fatima, Portugal,
reported seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary.
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany.
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was
installed in Wilmar, AR.
1954 U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the
St. Lawrence Seaway Development Act.
1958 French troops took control of Algiers.
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by
rocks thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela.
1968 Peace talks between the U.S. and North Vietnam began
in Paris.
1975 Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN.
1981 Pope John Paul II was shot and seriously wounded in
St. Peter's Square by Turkish assailant Mehmet Ali Agca.
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and
the radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive
onto the group's headquarters. 11 people died in the fire
that resulted.
1996 In Bangladesh 600 people were killed by a tornado.
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first
round had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S.
and Japan imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed
that the tests were necessary to maintain India's
national security.
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris
Yeltsin began.
2014 smiled.
|
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Sunday, May 11, 2014, 07:14 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, May 11.
Happy Mother's Day!
Thank you, Roland!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Masked Kentucky Burglar Sinks Self With Pre-Crime Selfie
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever
multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue.
It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion
player.
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that
more people worry than work.
--- Robert Frost
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a
backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine
invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional
shotgun blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It
makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in
Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father
O'Rafferty.
"Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan,
didn't I marry you two years ago?"
"You did that, Father."
"And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father."
"Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light
a candle for you."
"Thank you, Father." And away she went.
A few years later they met again.
"Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are
you?"
"Oh, very well," said she.
"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four
singles--ten in all."
"Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your
lovely husband?"
"Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that
bloody candle candle of yours!"
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
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Fleeing Galaxies
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kevin Lawson, 28, Corbin, Kentucky
Masked Kentucky Burglar Sinks Self
With Pre-Crime Selfie
Before setting out early yesterday to rob a Kentucky market,
the 28-year-old took a moment to snap a selfie that shows
him posing in his white burglar’s mask, police report.
According to investigators, Lawson broke into the Copes
Market in Corbin, a city 85 miles south of Lexington,
between 2 and 6 AM Thursday. He allegedly stole rifles,
handguns, knives, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, and food
items.
A surveillance camera recorded the burglar departing the
market with a duffel bag loaded with rifles.
A subsequent investigation by the Knox County Sheriff’s
Office resulted in the arrest last night of Lawson on
burglary and criminal mischief charges. Deputies noted
that they recovered “99 percent” of the stolen items
Lawson allowed deputies to examine his cell phone, a
review that, deputies reported, yielded “a (Selfie) picture
that he had taken of himself wearing the mask prior to the
burglary.”
Lawson, who is being held in the Knox County jail on the
two criminal counts, is scheduled to be arraigned Monday.
A court citation alleges that, in addition to stealing
merchandise from Copes Market, Lawson damaged the business’s
front door, cash register, and a computer.
Tech Support Pits
From: Roland
Re: How do I get rid of Tuvaro?
Dear Webby
I have a web search site called Tuvaro come my computer
and unable to get rid of it.
Not listed on my program file.
Have a idea as how to get rid of this?
Roland
Dear Roland
1. Go to the Start Menu and select Control Panel
2. Under Programs or Programs and Features click on
Uninstall a program
3. Select the Tuvaro Toolbar, then select Uninstall/Change
and then, when prompted, click Yes or Uninstall
4. Your browser settings also might have changed.
5. Remove the Tuvaro Firefox add-on by clicking the Firefox
tab and selecting "Add-Ons", which will bring up your
extensions manager. Find the Tuvaro add-on and click "Remove".
To change your address bar search:
1. Type about:config in the address bar and click "Enter".
2. This brings up a warning. Click on "I'll be careful, I promise!"
3. Type "keyword" in the Search: section and hit enter.
4. Double-click on the Preference Name keyword.URL.
5. This will bring up a pop-up. Enter the value of the
search engine you would like to use. For Google, enter
this exact text in the text field:
http://www.google.com/search?q=
6. Click OK and close and re-open your browser.
This should fix your address bar search.
That should get rid of Tuvaru.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Windows With Coffee Filters
When cleaning windows, use automatic coffee filters instead
of paper towels. They work excellently, and they do not
leave lint or smears behind. They also stay together
By Thelma mae from Lebanon, TN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two mothers are having a conversation about their children
one day.
"How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?"
asks Joan.
"Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat
on his bed."
"Why does that wake him up?"
"He sleeps with the dog!"
Jim was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the
baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being
only five feet tall, Jim had to stretch, but still
couldn't grab the box.
Fortunately, his wife Wendy was six-feet-tall so he called
her to help.
"Hey, Wendy!" Jim yelled to her in the living room.
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?"
"Sure, Honey," Wendy remarked as she bounded into the kitchen.
"But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"
Today in
0330 Constantinople, previously Byzantium, was founded.
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland.
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor.
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay.
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray.
1812 British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a
bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons.
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British.
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 in gold
and silver to pay troops at various points in the Arizona Territory.
The money was stolen in a train robbery.
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established.
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from the
great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The storm
was one of many.
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in
central Italy.
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the
B.F. Goodrich Company.
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand.
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires.
1967 The siege of Khe Sanh ended.
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a soccer
stadium in Bradford, England.
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended indefinitely.
The treaty limited the spread of nuclear material for
military purposes.
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after
takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades.
All 110 people on board were killed.
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever
multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue.
It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion
player.
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests,
three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a
global ban on nuclear testing.
2001 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his decision
to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of convicted Oklahoma
City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had been scheduled to be
executed on May 16, 2001. The delay was because the Federal
Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had failed to disclose thousands
of documents to McVeigh's defense team. (Oklahoma)
2014 smiled.
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Saturday, May 10, 2014, 10:15 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, May 10.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
67 year old child rapist claims the 11 year old
victim had seduced him.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal
to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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To see what is right, and not to do it,
is want of courage or of principle.
--- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath,
for the instinct to be half asleep all winter is so
strong in me.
--- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of
Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web
or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom
to a co-worker.
"I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers
have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend
you're doing."
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a
halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five
minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk by again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
-----------------------------
I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a
little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that
leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right
to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably
afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation
for doing that.
Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip
on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each
of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had
signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers
while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!"
There were no signs against jumping off the train at the
front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back,
running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again.
Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the
rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway until they
told me to sit down and shut up.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Click on the picture for the large version
Fleeing Galaxies
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Cleo Morgan, 67, Republic, Missouri
Child molester claims he molested 11-year-old
because she 'seduced' him
A Missouri man accused of raping his 11-year-old neighbor
told police on Monday that the girl "seduced him."
Cleo Morgan, 67, faces one charge of statutory rape, four
counts of statutory sodomy and two counts of child molestation.
Over the past three to four months, the alleged victim
regularly spent the night at the Republic home of Morgan
and his wife, according to a probable cause statement
obtained by KY3.
The victim told police that she slept on the couch at the
couple's home but Morgan repeatedly lured her into his
bedroom and molested her.
Police executed a search warrant on Morgan's home Monday
night. Morgan allegedly first claimed he was innocent,
then admitted to molesting the girl, saying he did it
because she "seduced him." He says he broke it off when
she "got real possessive of him."
Family members of the victim told police that Morgan's wife
banned the girl from the house a couple of weeks ago, and
claimed it was because the child was "breaking up her
marriage." She also reportedly claimed her husband was
not a pedophile.
The victim's mother gave investigators her daughter's diary,
which included statements such as "I [heart] CFM" and
"Party Cleo's B-Day," according to the Springfield News-Leader.
Morgan is being held at the Greene County Jail on a $75,000
bond, according to The Republic Monitor.
Tech Support Pits
From: Gina
Re: How do I write an eBook?
Dear Webby
Dear Webby
How do I write an eBook? Do I really need any course and
special programs for that?
Gina
Dear Gina
It used to be a tricky challenge, but now it is easy.
Just get Open Office. It is free.
Open Office
Don't fall for any of the hundreds of sites, that claim to have
Open Office, but are just a bunch of nuisance ads.
Use the WRITE program in that to write your book.
Paginate it nicely, and then save it in PDF format.
That is all there is to it nowadays.
Upload the eBook, and hide the download on a secret page,
that is only accessible as the "Thank You" page after
paying for it with PayPal.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Shampoo
Over the past forty years, I have saved hundreds of dollars
on shampoo. Because you need to shampoo twice to really get
a good lather, I use a gentle brand of plain old bar soap
for the first wash. For the second wash, I use regular shampoo
and always get luxurious lather. You never get that good
lather with the first wash, no matter what you use.
I save money on conditioner by diluting it and not rinsing
after conditioning. I believe leaving the conditioner in is
really good for your hair but you do need to remove the buildup
after a time. Even at my age, I still get compliments on my
hair.
Source: I read this in a book over forty years ago.
By Montana Jewel Therapy from Missoula, MT
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
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When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah
announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had
stolen two towels.
"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the
sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do."
"You're right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the
two best towels we had....you know the ones we got from
the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation!"
"How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his
friend Greg.
"Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting."
"What's the difference?" Sam pressed.
"Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting
me to rub her feet . . ."
Today in
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands.
1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against
the government, began.
1768 The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an
outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned
to parliament as a member for Middlesex.
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed
all tea in the U.S. colonies.
1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France.
1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack
on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from
the British.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against
the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy.
1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers
to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced
in Missouri.
1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army.
1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in
Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the
celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S.
1876 Richard Wagner’s "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard
for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in
Philadelphia, PA.
1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost
$5,000 for a permit.
1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a
church service in Grafton, West Virginia.
1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the FBI.
1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel
to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms.
1928 WGY-TV in Schenectady, NY, began regular television
programming.
1940 Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands,
and Luxembourg.
1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German
air raid.
1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into
Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission.
1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender
to the Japanese.
1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands
to expel the Japanese.
1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation
of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16.
1962 Marvel Comics published the first issue of
"The Incredible Hulk."
1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris.
1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon
announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage.
1994 Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africa’s first
black president.
1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least
2,400 people.
1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S.
in response to NATO's accidental bombing of the
Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia.
1999 The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain,
Pitcher and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million.
2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM,
due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire
had been deliberately set to clear brush.
2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede
at a soccer game.
2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with
no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S.
secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds.
2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface
to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three
U.S.-made Hawk missiles.
2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a
new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years.
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal
to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion.
2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces
of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called
the Freedom Tower).
2014 smiled.
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Friday, May 9, 2014, 08:49 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, May 9.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Man who Killed Wife 4 Days After Marriage For
Life Insurance Policy, Gets Life Behind Bars.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for
sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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They can do all because they think they can.
--- Virgil (70 BC - 19 BC)
The unspoken word never does harm.
--- Kossuth
"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a
defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license.
The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time
was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when
each session began.
Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door.
The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"
The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."
The officer let him in.
Here is a classic:
*TENDJEWBERRYMUD*
It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the
conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud."
Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while
after reading this.
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS:"San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes?
Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying '
Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother
honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome"
-------------------
If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC)
then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid
embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
It is called Orchis Italica, or The Naked Man Orchid.
So funny, they come in all sorts of shapes and, umm? sizes.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Michel Escoto, 42, Miami, Floriduh
Man who Killed Wife 4 Days After Marriage For
Life Insurance Policy, Gets Life Behind Bars.
A South Florida man was sentenced to life in prison Wednesday
for killing his wife of four days to collect a $1 million
life insurance policy.
A Miami-Dade County judge sentenced Michel Escoto, 42, after
a jury convicted him last month of first-degree murder.
Escoto was newly married to Wendy Trapaga, 21, when he
strangled and beat her to death in October 2002, prosecutors
said. Escoto initially tried to drug Trapaga during their
Key West honeymoon and make her death look like an accidental
drowning, but Trapaga complained her drink was too chalky.
He tried to drown her again several days later in a Jacuzzi
at Miami's Executive Airport Motel, but he couldn't get her
to stay under water. He finally beat her to death with a tire
iron outside a warehouse later that night, prosecutors said.
The lead witness against Escoto was his ex-girlfriend,
Yolanda Cerrillo. With immunity from prosecution, Cerrillo
told jurors she helped Escoto plan the murder, ground up the
prescription painkillers to knock Trapaga out and even
practiced with Escoto how to drown the young woman. She
also admitted driving Escoto away from the crime scene and
taking him to dispose of the tire iron in Biscayne Bay.
Escoto initially told detectives that he and Trapaga got
into an argument the night she was killed. He said they
left the motel, and she dropped him off at their South Beach
apartment before driving off. But homicide detectives were
immediately suspicious of his apparently forced grief and
the insurance policy.
Escoto eventually filed a lawsuit to collect the money but
gave conflicting versions of what happened during the 2005
trial. The conflicting details led to his arrest, and he
has remained in jail since then.
Escoto represented himself during his murder trial. At one
point, the judge found him in contempt of court for
threatening a witness on the stand and gave him an extra
30 days in jail for that.
Tech Support Pits
From: Eleanor
Re: Stripmail ?
Dear Webby
A friend told me you had a program to strip the
>>>> from forwarded eails. What is the URL please
and thank you?
Eleanor
Dear Eleanor
Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
Scroll down a bit till you see the stop sign with the
AOL flag (>>>) on it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Evicting Carpenter Bees from your Home
I am sharing this to hopefully help someone else out.
I came up with this on my own after reading a lot about this
problem. These bees had returned outside my home about 16
feet in the air, in a large mass in a small 1/4 inch X 2 foot
long gap, going into the trimming on my large house, that is
in good shape. They came back every year from about April
to September. I had tried several things that didn't work.
This is what has worked for me and has kept them away.
Get a bottle of De-Solv-it (at Wal-Mart or Ace Hardware),
and DAPtex Plus Multi-Purpose Foam Sealant (shoots with a
straw that comes with it). At almost dark, or night with
a flashlight - shoot De-Solv-it in the holes. It is greasy
like WD40, and most importantly, is in a citrus solution
that insects hate. Seal the holes with DAP through the straw,
then spray De-Solv-it all over the outside. GENTLY wipe the
excess of DAP off, taking only what's on the outside.
The Dap on the inside is going to expand and get hard. Don't
waste your $ on anything else but this DAP Product I've
described, as this one is easy clean up afterwards. It is
the only one I've found where you can rinse out the straw
and spray nozzle with warm water, and reuse.
Good Luck!
By joey53Hop [1]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never
met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for
the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have
met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the
one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever
met. She was just the right everything... I really
mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"She was looking for the perfect man."
Bobby asked his baby sitter for help in getting
his boots on.
He asked for help and she could see why.
With her pulling and him pushing, the boots
still didn't want to go on. When the second
boot was on, she had already worked up
a sweat.
She almost whimpered when my son said,
"wrong feet!"
She looked and sure enough, they were on
the wrong feet. It wasn't any easier pulling
the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together
they worked to get the boots back on -- this
time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his
face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?"
like she wanted to. Once again she struggled
to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My
Mom said I have to wear them, because mine leak."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
She mustered up the grace to wrestle the
boots on his feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in my boots."
Today in
1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans.
1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to
the Western Hemisphere.
1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from
the Tower of London.
1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle.
1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was
the first gas-lit theater in America.
1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois.
1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the
first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole.
1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia.
1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by
Britain's Royal navy.
1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight
entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately.
1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and
was replaced by Umberto.
1955 West Germany joined NATO.
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for
sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.
1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the
first time.
1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime Minister
Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center of Rome.
The Red Brigades had abducted him.
1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge
over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and
a 1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed.
1994 Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first
black president.
1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR,
U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to
do with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against
his former Whitewater partners.
2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would
end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity.
Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to
several different countries. The standoff had begun on
April 2, 2002.
2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at least
130 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb exploded
during a holiday parade.
2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for
representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years.
Women were allowed to vote for the first time in the
country's history
2014 smiled.
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Thursday, May 8, 2014, 12:15 PM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 8.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two
SC women who assaulted and tasered the father of their kids.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine"
for the first time.
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get
yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days
is to go about repeating the very phrases which our
founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.
--- Charles Austin Beard (1874 - 1948)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
At the end of their first date, a young man takes his
favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to
try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence,
he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he
says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
"No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"NO, no. I just can't."
"Pleeeeease?..."
Out of the blue, ! the porch light goes on, and the girl's
sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a
sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give
him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down
himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to
take his hand off the intercom button!"
Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they
were having a pretty good season. One morning he was shaving
and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to
him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him.
Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about
to receive national recognition in this famous sports maga-
zine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut
himself with his razor.
Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs
to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally,
bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breath-
lessly said, "Hello?"
The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris?"
"Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly.
Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five
cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to
Sports Illustrated."
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Tabitha Martin, 23 and Courtney Littlejohn, 23 in
Spartanburg, South Carolina
Baby Mamas In Tag-Team Taser
Assault Of Daddy
A South Carolina man was pummeled and tased yesterday
afternoon by his “baby’s mama” and his “other baby’s mama,”
who teamed up to ambush and assault the father of their
children since he “has a new girlfriend,” cops report.
According to a Spartanburg Police Department report,
Rodrick Tucker, 21, told officers that Tabitha Martin, 23,
invited him to her apartment Tuesday. Tucker, who described
Martin as his “baby’s mama,” added that when he arrived at
the residence, Martin invited him into the bedroom.
Tucker told police that “once he was lying on the bed” in
Martin’s apartment, Courtney Littlejohn--his
“other baby’s mama”--entered the bedroom. Tucker, who was
likely expecting an afternoon delight, quickly became the
target of a tag-team attack.
The women, Tucker told police, yanked him off the bed
and began “repeatedly punching him in the face and head.”
After escaping the bedroom, Tucker said he was “again
knocked to the floor.” He added that Littlejohn, 23,
“sat on top of him, not allowing him to get up.”
Tucker said that “both females began to tase him several
times with a stun-gun.” After again freeing himself from
the pair’s clutches, Tucker said that he “picked up his
baby, thinking the ladies would stop attacking him” while
he was holding the small human shield.
That was a miscalculation on Tucker’s part.
The women, he said, “continued to swing at him until he
finally gave the baby to Ms. Martin,” police reported.
Tucker, who fled the home after handing over the baby,
told cops that he believed Martin and Littlejohn
“were mad at him because he has a new girlfriend.”
A check of Tucker’s Facebook page reveals a May 1 update
indicating that he is now in a new romantic relationship.
Tucker lists his occupation as “Certified Sex Specialist”
in the “About” section of his Facebook page.
Along with taking Tucker’s statement, police photographed
his “injuries and torn clothing.”
Martin and Littlejohn have been arrested on Wednesday, May 7.
Bail has not been set yet.
Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: Why not Norton ?
Dear Webby
Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend
rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal
tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing.
Carol
Dear Carol
Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove
it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean
un-install and in some cases has required formatting to
completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't
recommend it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Beach Rocks Inside Vases
I keep my fresh flowers longer by putting them in stones
I've collected at the beach. The jar is decorated with
rub on decals. When flowers die, I clean off rocks, add
shells and leave it.
By Moonseekerjade from Onset, MA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Groan Alert:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating.
Luke is having problems, there is food over his face,
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.
"What should I do?" he asks Ben.
"Use the forks, Luke!"
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it
rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in
her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind
of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter
tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and
the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance
to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my
ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the
house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to
dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close
your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your
shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for
you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I
know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine
promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact,
I'll even call George at the office and tell him he
ought to come home and help out for once."
"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"
"Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374?
"No, this is 223-1375."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and the housewife said,
"Does this mean you're not coming over?"
Today in
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary.
They passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against
King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River.
He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was
the French chemist who discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought.
The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what would
later be called "Coca-Cola."
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian
legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that
designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a
navy seaplane.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British
oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and
eventually destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War II
had ended in Europe.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine"
for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union
resumed.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on
New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota
hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not
participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los Angeles.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th
anniversary of Coca-Cola.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated
from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water
in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of
shortages that 2 million already faced.
1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel
military college.
2014 smiled.
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Are cookies required for Gmail even on Chrome?
Wednesday, May 7, 2014, 09:46 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 7.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Teen Who Shot 'Me Driving Like An Idiot'
Video Arrested For Driving Like Idio
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to
$40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory
as the wish to forget it.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of
fire.
Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After
watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over
and tapped Satan on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm
waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering why you are tossing those people aside
instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with
the others?"
"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from
Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"
*Seen Signs*
These signs might not communicate what was hoped for.
On a California freeway:
Fine for Littering
On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service:
Able to Do the Worst Possible Job
In a New York jewellery store:
Genuine Faux Pearls
In a Kansas City oculist's office:
Broken lenses duplicated here
In a Boston fast-food parking lot:
Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only
Billboard on Florida highway:
If You Can't Read, We Can Help
On the Triborough Bridge in New York:
In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge
On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart:
We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas.
On a Rapid City store:
Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait
On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant:
The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur
In a Grand Rapids restaurant:
Half baked chicken
In a Dayton barbershop:
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here
On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore:
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Robert Charles Kelley IV, 18, New Smyrna Beach, Floriduh
Teen Who Shot 'Me Driving Like An Idiot'
Video Arrested For Driving Like Idiot
A Florida teen was arrested Friday, days after police say he
uploaded a video titled "Me Driving Like An Idiot" to
YouTube.
The video, which police say was shot on April 28, allegedly
shows 18-year-old Robert Charles Kelley of New Smyrna Beach
running red lights and weaving in and out of traffic before
striking another car with his 1994 Honda, the News-Journal
Online reported.
The driver featured in the video is then seen fleeing the
scene of the crash, then ramming into three more cars
stopped at a red light. Techno music plays in the background
throughout the video.
After the second crash, police say Kelley suffered serious
injuries and was taken by helicopter to a hospital.
"He had to be extracted from his vehicle," New Smyrna Beach
Police Master Sgt Eugene Griffith told WESH. "They had to
cut him out of his vehicle."
Kelley has never been issued a driver's license, according
to police.
"Me Driving Like An Idiot" was uploaded to YouTube the day
after the crashes, while Kelley was still in the hospital.
Three other people were injured in the crashes, though non
suffered life-threatening injuries.
"It appears to be an accurate account of that day," Griffith
told WFTV.
Police waited until Friday to arrest Kelley because of the
nature of his injuries. He is charged with leaving the
scene of an accident with injuries, reckless driving and
driving without a license.
Tech Support Pits
From: Gene
Re: Why does Gmail want cookies?
Dear Webby
Why does Gmail demand cookies, even with Chrome as the
browser?
Gene
Dear Gene
Gmail stores your preferences and settings in cookies.
In the old days, that info would have been in a plain text
PIF (Program Information File), that was easiy accessible.
Nowadays, that info is carried in cookies. Same thing,
just less accesible.
Your password is stashed somewhere else. The cookies just
have harmless information like color settings and simple
preferences. They are safe and nothing to worry about.
You can safely allow cookies set by a program, just deny
third party cookies.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Baby Powder for Squeaky Floor
I have had great results using this little trick my mom
told me about many years ago. We used to live in an old
farm house with wood floors that squeaked everywhere. She
sprinkled baby powder on the floor, and swept in into the
cracks. Voila, no more squeaks!
Although she did intentionally still leave a few squeaks by
the doors just so she would know when one off her kids were
coming home late!
By Barb K. from Brownsdale, MN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder
to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of
the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and
stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then
the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again.
You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said
he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten
him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's
really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving
a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
Today in
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople
collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate
the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling
class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British
in New York.
1800 The U.S. Congress divided the Northwest Territory into
two parts. The western part became the Indiana Territory
and the eastern section remained the Northwest Territory.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew
over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship carrying gas and ammo,
was sunk by a German submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's
exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist
Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political
alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American
navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was
the first time in the history of naval warfare where
two enemy fleets fought without seeing each other.
1943 The last major German strongholds in North Africa,
Tunis and Bizerte, fell to Allied forces.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending
World War II. It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded.
The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952
Olympic Games by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh
at Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected
the Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1977 Rookie Janet Guthrie set the fastest time on opening
day of practice for the Indianapolis 500.
Her time was 185.607.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced
in the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam
veterans who claimed they had suffered injury from
exposure to the defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring
the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was
ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that
Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and
credit during World War II. Germany paid with gold,
that had been plundered or stolen.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to
$40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were
killed and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly
bombed the Chinese embassy.
1999 In Guinea-Bissau, the government of President
Joăo Bernardo Vieira was ousted in a military coup.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered
six fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers
and others to test drive during the next two years.
2014 smiled.
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Tuesday, May 6, 2014, 08:53 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, May 6.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Boston gang member sinks self with
Twitter gun pix
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in
Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board)
were killed.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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|  | |
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They always talk who never think.
--- Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
>From Nanarina
Why Jewish daughters need therapy!!!
JewishMother: "Hello?"
Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"
JewishMother: "You're going out?"
Daughter: "Yes."
JewishMother: "With whom?"
Daughter: "With a friend."
JewishMother: "I don't know why you left your husband.
He is such a good man."
Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me! "
JewishMother: "You let him leave you, and now you go
out with anybodies and nobodies."
Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring
over the kids? "
JewishMother: "I never left you to go out with anybody
except your father."
Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did,
and I don't."
JewishMother: "What are you hinting at? "
Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring
the kids over tonight."
JewishMother: "You're going to stay the night with him?
What will yourhusband say if he finds out?"
Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.
From the day he leftme, he probably never slept alone!"
JewishMother: "So you're going to sleep over at this
loser's place?"
Daughter:"He's not a loser."
JewishMother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman
with children is a loserand a parasite."
Daughter:"I don't want to argue. Should I bring over
the kids or not? "
JewishMother: "Poor children with such a mother."
Daughter:"Such a what?"
JewishMother: "With no stability. No wonder your
husband left you."
Daughter:"ENOUGH!!! "
JewishMother "Don't scream at me. You probably scream
at this loser too!"
Daughter:"Now you're worried about the loser? "
JewishMother: "Ah, so you see he's a loser.
I spotted him immediately."
Daughter:"Goodbye, mother."
JewishMother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you
bringing them over?
Daughter:"I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"
JewishMother: "If you never go out, how do you expect
to meet anyone?"
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a
check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and
tell me what's wrong with me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor,
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a
drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong
principles against it."
"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?"
"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every
night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked,
"Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble.
Your halo is on too tight!!
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Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kwmaine Davis, 23, Boston, MA
Gang Member Sinks Self With
Twitter Gun Pix
Kwmaine Davis has 328 Twitter followers.
Unfortunately for the 23-year-old Davis, that number
includes Officer Brian Delahanty of the Boston Police
Department.
As part of his duties with the BPD’s Youth Violence
Strike Force, Delahanty has been surreptitiously following
Davis on Twitter, since the convicted felon is associated
with H-Bloc, a gang operating from Boston’s Roxbury
neighborhood. H-Bloc members are known to dress in silver
and black clothing emblazoned with the Oakland Raiders logo.
Along with offers to sell pot and photos of some favorite
meals, Davis’s Twitter feed includes such observations as
“If tha pussy don't sound like mac n cheese when you hitting
it…it ain't that grease” and “Bitches love sucking dick
drunk I'll tell ya.” Davis, who uses the handle “DopeMan,”
can be found on Twitter at @superfreakmaino.
Those messages, however, were not of interest to Delahanty.
Instead, the cop alerted to a pair of recent Davis tweets
that included photos showing him posing with a Smith & Wesson
.44 caliber handgun and a Sig Sauer .380 caliber pistol.
The photos were taken on consecutive days in February at a
firing range in Salisbury, a town 45 miles north of Boston.
Davis is pictured above holding the Smith & Wesson, which
was outfitted with an optical scope. He is seen at left
holding two other guns at the Salisbury range.
Since Davis is a felon--he was convicted of illegal
weapons and ammo possession in 2009--he is not allowed
to possess a firearm (even one rented from a firing range).
Alarmed that a gang member appeared to be trying to
improve his marksmanship, Boston police contacted the
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.
A subsequent ATF probe resulted in the filing of a felony
complaint charging Davis with being a felon in possession
of a firearm. Davis was arrested Wednesday by federal agents
and remains in custody in advance of a May 9 detention
hearing in U.S. District Court in Boston.
In an affidavit filed today, a Boston detective cited Davis’s
affiliation with the H-Bloc gang as reason for a federal
magistrate to deny him bail. Davis’s trip to the firing range,
the cop noted, was “intended to increase his firearm proficiency
for illegal purposes rather than for any sporting or
recreational reason.”
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Gmail wants cookies
Dear Webby
A friend who is older than you and I just called to tell me
she switched from IE to Firefox and can no longer download
her gmail.
She keeps getting a message that tells her to enable cookies
(I believe on Google Chrome). Base on your recommendations
I use Firefox and Eudora and do not have any knowledge of
gmail or how to advise her.
Would you please in very, very simple terms that I can relate
to her how to configure Firefox to permit her to receive
her gmail?
FYI, Ark City was 100 both yesterday and today, no rain.
To early for this heat . Wichita 102 on Sunday.
Thank you for the help
Frank
Dear Frank
Here it is 33 degrees in your quaint British Loyalist units.
+1 C in metric
But the snow is slowly melting.
How to enable FireFox Cookies:
http://webby.com/FFcookies
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Those Buttons On
When my twin boys were in grade school, one of them always came home from school missing a button. It was very frustrating, but they were very good at keeping the button and bring it home.
Then it hit me! They couldn't resist pulling that little lead thread to see the button come off really quick. But I fixed them good, I dropped a very small dab of nail glue on the reverse side of the button, where it is sewn through the fabric. It worked perfectly. Be very careful not to drip on other areas of the garment, I protected it with paper towels.
Even those little boys thought that was a great idea, and I'm am still tempted to do it now, even though they are 22 years old. ;)
By NinaL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His
mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and
hangs each one on the refrigerator.
But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child
uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a
problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to
take him to a child psychologist.
The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for
two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but
everything seems perfectly normal.
Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home
drawings in only blacks and browns.
Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the
problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some
paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens.
The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow!
A new box of crayons!
At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left
in mine are black and brown."
The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver
transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant,
a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."
"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you
think you need all these transplants."
"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that
I needed to get reorganized."
Today in
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the
end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of
Ghagra, India.
1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France.
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by
Dr. John Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The
act barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France,
marking the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the
exposition was the first automobile in Paris,
the Mercedes-Benz.
1910 Kind Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by
his second son, George V.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in
Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board)
were killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of
the Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on
Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to
Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the
Pulitzer Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold
for $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid
(at the time) for a painting by a living artist.
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong
Jones. They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act
of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris
submarine.
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the
English Channel links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit
against U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he
had sexually harassed her in 1991.
1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to
25 years in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen
Proving Ground in Maryland.
1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of
$600 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from
tainted blood between 1978-1985.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher.
She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's
wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police
in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002
in Rock Creek Park.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than
$100 million in its first weekend.
2014 smiled.
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Can you convert Excel files to Works files?
Monday, May 5, 2014, 08:23 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, May 5.
Happy Cinco de Mayo Day!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a teacher in Wales, who seduced a 16 year old boy
with racy pictures on FaceBook
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when
he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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It's all right letting yourself go
as long as you can let yourself back.
--- Mick Jagger (1943 - )
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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A flight attendant noticed a passenger clutching the arms
of his chair until his knuckles turned white.
"Are you nervous?" she asked.
"I'm petrified!" said the man. "I don't travel well in
the best of times, but lately . . ."
"I understand," the attendant said. "You must develop a
sense of balance and reality about such things. Some say,
if it's your time, it's your time. There's nothing you
can do."
"I know," said the man, "but I'd feel better on the train."
"The train?" chuckled the attendant. "Did you read about
the train going through Death Valley last month? A clear,
hot day; miles of visibility; nothing near the track for
miles; then - Boom! - the train exploded and all was lost."
"Heavens!" said the man. "What happened?"
Answered the attendant: "A plane fell on it."
My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that
was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.
Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was
mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must
have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked
it up and continued on.
When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two
golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand
and a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-
cut swath leading out of the woods.
"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to
lose his ball!"
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
>From Violeta Flores Morales
Click on the picture for the large version
SAN CARLOS GUAYMAS
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Clare Horton, 33, Leckwith, Cardiff, Wales, UK
Teacher seduced 16 year old
with racy pictures.
A teacher in Wales, U.K., has been banned indefinitely from
teaching after a disciplinary panel heard she seduced a
16-year-old student by sending him racy photos of herself
on Facebook.
Clare Horton, 33, sent photos of herself in revealing
clothing to a high school student at Fitzalan High School
in Leckwith, Cardiff, while he was on study leave for exams.
Horton met up with the student for a "rendezvous" during
his leave, then allegedly drove him back to her place for
what the Mirror called "an afternoon sex session."
According to the Telegraph, the student told police that
he'd had sex with the design and technology teacher on the
sofa at her home after she'd driven him there.
Horton, who was going through a divorce at the time the
inappropriate contact occurred, admitted to sending the
photos but denied that she'd had sex with the student.
"He slept at my house and so did I. I slept alongside him.
We did not have sexual intercourse," Horton said, according
to the Metro.
Horton told the panel that the two had fallen asleep on her
sofa after talking.
"To be told I was anything other than ugly, fat, useless
and worthless was a safety blanket that I foolishly used,"
Horton said. "He was very kind and listened. I was just
talking about what was going on with my ex-husband."
Rumors that the teacher and student had sex spread around
the school, coming to the attention of administration.
Horton resigned shortly thereafter.
The student also told police that he didn't want to press
charges because of his "strict religious beliefs."
Prosecutors aren't moving forward with criminal charges,
but Horton received an indefinite ban from teaching for
her "inappropriate and sexual relationship" with the student.
Tech Support Pits
From: Walt
Re: Excel versus Works
Dear Webby
I have 2 computers. one with MS Works (Spreadsheet) and
one with Excel. Is the any way to transfer the files across
systems so I can work on the same spreadsheet on either
system.
ie: XLR to XLS convert then reconvert XLS to XLR.
I thought i had seen a procedure to accomplish this..
Thanks as always,
Walt
Dear Walt
Excel opens Works files, but I doubt that you can save them
as Works files afterward. Most likely not, since both are
Microsoft products and therefore probably not compatible.
Works is a clone of the Tandy Deskmate,
Excel is a clone of Borland's Quattro.
They have totally different roots. The group that cloned
Quattro and saved it as Excel, apparently didn't know
that Works also had a spreadsheet in it, and made no
attempt to become compatible with it.
Excel is compatible with Quattro.
I would recommend that you go to eBay and buy an older
version of Corell Office. You can usually get a version
8, 9, 10, or 11 for $10 - $15.
Each of them has Quattro in it, and NO greedy copy protection.
You can put it on as many machines as you want.
Then pick up your Works files with Excel and save them as
Excel files.
Finally, pick those up with Quattro. Quattro can save them as
either Quattro files or as Excel files. However, the biggest
advantage is that with Quattro you can work across your
home network. Theoretically you could do that with Excel too,
but if you try that, be ready for unpleasant unpredictability.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Oxi-Clean For Stains
I have been playing with Oxi-Clean powder lately.
I used it to clean a badly mildewed life jacket and it
came out like new. On clothing, it will remove yellowing.
I've tried it on walls, furniture, floors, etc. Great stuff!
Just an FYI.
By arsonhorse from Denham Springs, LA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An area minister tells of his first Sunday in the new parish
and presenting the children's message.
Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent
stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each
of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of
life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the
pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of
glass to make the whole picture.
And then he said, "You see each of you is a little pane."
And then pointing to each child individually, "You're a
little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little
pane. And..."
It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was
laughing.
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.
"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.
Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is
in the restaurant flirting at the waitress,
don't wait any longer."
Today in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip
to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the
USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was
launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman.
It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario,
Oswego, NY.
1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated
as Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing
slavery in the U.S.
1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was
later renamed Carnegie Hall.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese
Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese
in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation.
1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at
the Church of St. Andrew in New York City.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was
arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in
Germany for the first time.
1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith."
1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on
bottle cap with a pour lip.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazis.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain
in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became
a sovereign state.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when
he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened.
2014 smiled.
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How to transfer pictures from phone to computer
Sunday, May 4, 2014, 10:00 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, May 4.
6" new snow. The lawn mower is quite safe.
There was a light blizzard, when I went for my walk in the
evening. Since the temperature was only around freezing,
that was no big deal, even pleasant.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Californian, who stole car to attend court hearing
about stealing a car
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
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A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a
profoundly sick society.
--- Krishnamurti
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the
home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were
placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know
what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her
brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!"
When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked
up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of --
spinal meningitis.
A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of
myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses.
That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a
cadillac removed.
Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch
out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of
the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted
that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Click on the picture for the large version
Smoke rises from the burning Jianye building on December 15,
2013 in Guangzhou, China. A fire broke out in the unfinished
Jianye Building at about 7 p.m. on Sunday with around
380 firemen attending the blaze
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Timothy Frederick Knight, 53, Daly City, California
Stole Car To Attend Court Hearing
About Stealing A Car
On the one hand, accused car thief Timothy Frederick Knight
showed up for his court hearing last month. On the other
hand, he's accused of stealing another car to do it.
“He obviously wanted to make sure he didn’t fail to appear,”
District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe told the
San Mateo Daily Journal.
Knight, 53, allegedly stole a Honda Accord in Daly City,
outside San Francisco, last month. Police found the car
parked in the street and placed a tracker in it.
The next day, Knight allegedly drove the Accord to court.
He was arrested after leaving the hearing in the vehicle,
SFGate reports.
Police say the screwdriver used to punch the ignition was
still on the floor.
Knight has seven prior felony convictions, CBS SF reported.
He has pleaded not guilty to the new charges, and is
currently in custody in lieu of $165,000 bail --
$65,000 for the first case and $100,000 for the second.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How to transfer picture from camera
Hey Webby!
Good morning! I need a little help. I have a pic on
my new Galaxy Mega that I want to transfer to My Pictures
on the computer. I e-mailed it to myself and received it
ok but when I try to get it to My Pictures I get nothing.
Is there a cure?
Thanks for taking your time for this.
Jim
Dear Jim
Depending on your email program, the picture should be in a
folder named EMBEDDED or ATTACHED or something similar,
in the directory of your email program.
You can drag it from there to "My Pictures".
Another method is to send that email to your browser.
In the browser you can right-click the picture, and
save it to "My Pictures", or copy it, and then paste
it as a new picture in your graphics program.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cinnamon to Deter Ants
Take cinnamon, sprinkle ever so lightly where ants like to
come in, even outside. They will not cross the
cinnamon line!
Source: Do not know her name, just met one day!
By Cheryl's Mom [42]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you!
It makes you look ten years younger."
"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly
can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my
hat!"
A census taker knocked on a lady's door.
She answered all his questions except one.
She refused to tell him her age.
"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.
"Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she
asked.
"Certainly." he replied
"Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped.
"As old as the Hills," he said as he wrote on his form.
Today in
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians
at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between
Spain and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island.
Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for
$24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months
before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France,
and massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the
island of Elba in the Mediterranean.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the
gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a
demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1930 Mahatma Gandhi was arrested by the British.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal
prison for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and
Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay
ended. Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students
during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University.
Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman
prime minister.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted
of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted
of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair.
The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life
sentences plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA.
The sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski
the death penalty.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for
$106.5 million.
2014 smiled.
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How to "get rid of IE hack"?
Saturday, May 3, 2014, 09:34 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, May 3.
Last night, by the time I shut down around 04:30, it had
started to rain. First rain of the year!
By noon the lawn had some green patches in the brown.
By evening the rain turned to snow.
No panic yet about readying the lawn mower.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
woman in Texas, who went berserk about a corn dog
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles,
CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the
acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilization.
--- Charles Lindbergh (1902 - 1974)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
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The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand,
the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine,
and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like.
It's speaking English that kills you.
A couple was going out for the evening. They were both ready to go,
nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat
shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have
free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back
upstairs to chase the cat out.
Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty
for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going
upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry
I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I
had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out."
The taxi driver laughed so hard, he almost hit a parked car.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Luxor, Egypt
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Charmelle Henry, 45, Midland, Texas
Corn Dog Raider
She's really in the doghouse now.
A West Texas woman is in jail after allegedly threatening
the lives of a store employee over corn dogs Tuesday.
Workers at a Midland, Texas business said Charmelle Henry
threw 75 cents at them and demanded a corn dog, according
to News West 9. When the 45-year-old wasn't happy with the
corn dog she received, she threw that at them as well and
demanded a dog that was not microwaved.
After giving her a second corn dog, the workers noticed
that Henry had a knife in her hand. She allegedly told
the workers that she would "stab [them] in cold blood"
unless she got another corn dog.
She also began stabbing the counter with her pocketknife,
according to an arrest report obtained by MRT.com.
One employee called police, who subdued the "extremely
agitated" woman with a K-9 unit until she followed
their orders.
WFAA reports she faces two counts of aggravated assault
with a deadly weapon.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How to get rid of IE Hack
Dear Webby
.... You're wonderful!
While I'm at it....what can one do if he has already fallen into the internet explorer trap? Anything besides taking it to the shop? Really enjoy your stuff. First thing I look at (after Ophelia). : )
Jim
Dear Jim
The Internet Explorer hack is not a virus, that can be
removed, it's a hole in Internet Explorer, through which
hackers can enter your computer and get access to all your
information.
Simply don't use Internet Explorer until Microsoft
has fixed their problem.
Make Firefox or Chrome or Opera or Safari your default
browser. In most cases, that will be enough.
If you have some program, that specifically calls
Internet Explorer, replace that program with a
better one, or UNinstall Internet Explorer.
Because Microsoft has interwoven Internet Explorer
with all kinds of Windows functions, - and got sued for
really big money about that by the European Union-,
here it is not fast or easy to weed it out.
If you do decide to get rid of it, save all your work and
close all running programs, since you will have to reboot
anyway.
Then follow the instructions at How-To-Geek: Remove IE
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Unwanted Gifts At Garage Sales
All year long, I love to go garage sale hopping. If you
go early, you get the best stuff. Many people get gifts
that are just not their thing and sell them at the
garage sales. These gifts are bath sets, unopened games,
oh the list is long. I get these gifts and hide them in
my gift closet.
There is always someone that gets forgotten and you have
a gift for them - co-worker newspaper carrier, even the
mail lady. This also helps when I have been invited to
a home party and they make great hostess gifts, too!
I save about 10-20 dollars per gift.
By Lorna from Clinton, OK
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
"The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given
recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store.
"For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he
told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving
cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a
small sale into a bigger one and make more commission."
The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and
was eager to try the technique on his very next
customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed
gentleman who shyly requested a box of Tampax for his
wife.
Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed
to see The customer staggering out loaded down with
assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a
one-man inflatable life raft.
"What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk
modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale."
"Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he
wanted was a box of Tampax."
"I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister,
there isn't going to be much doing around your house
this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'"
A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly
flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.
"That will be $6.35," he told the customer.
"That's a good price, but it really is a little too small,"
said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?"
Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the
chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took
it out again.
"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision...
"You know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
Today in
1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 - France declared war on Austria.
1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were
executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from
the Japanese.
1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants
prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other
minorities were legally unenforceable.
1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook
Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North
Vietnamese had evacuated the area.
1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations
in Washington, DC.
1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned
Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after
liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy
Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule
her husband's activities.
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles,
CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the
acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities
ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage.
The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people
in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias
Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his
role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on
September 11, 2001.
2014 smiled.
|
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Friday, May 2, 2014, 09:07 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, May 2.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
2 NC dope dealers caught next to a school
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only
cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War.
More than 350 people died.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
--- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married. He says,"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to
bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going
to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house
and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
>From Eddie
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Easter cactus still going strong on May 1
Look at all the buds still to open!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, Rock Hill,NC
Pot Dealers Busted Near
Elementary School
Two South Carolina men were arrested near an elementary
school after cops found their drug stash hidden inside a
Scooby-Doo lunchbox, police report.
Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, were nabbed
Monday afternoon about 50 feet from Northside Elementary
School in Rock Hill, a city 25 miles south of Charlotte,
North Carolina.
Robinson (left) and Simmons were both jailed on two
narcotics charges--possession of pot with intent to
distribute and possession of pot near a school.
Responding to a report of two men using drugs behind
a residence, Rock Hill Police Department officers
encountered Robinson and Simmons, who reportedly admitted
that the pair had been smoking pot. A subsequent search
of the area turned up the Scooby-Doo lunchbox, which was
wrapped in cellophane and found inside a grocery bag.
The plastic lunchbox--of which both men denied ownership
--contained more than four ounces of marijuana, 10 glass
pot pipes, and a bag with "3 glass pipes with hash
residue within it."
Cops noted that Simmons wept and became “weak in the knees”
when police located the orange lunchbox
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Brother got hit by IE hack
Dear Webby
My brother was caught with IE open on the first day this
warning came out.
He happened to have a file open that contained all his
private data - including bank account numbers and passwords
for both himself, my mom and other members of his family.
He lives in Anchorage and received a call from someone in
Las Vegas that they were getting "tons" of e-mail from
him and the person told him that his computer had been
"hacked."
He's had to close every bank account they owned, every
debit card, every credit card and open new accounts.
This includes accounts (banking, savings, cd, money
market, etc) for my mom as well. My mom is 94 years
old and has severe dementia. Many of the institutions
are not accepting his power of attorney. We're going
to have to get her to sign cards and papers (and her
signature is now unreadable). It is very possible
that the lawyer who drew up her trust agreement may
have to get involved - so that could even mean a trip
for him to southwest Missouri.
When I saw the words "homeland security" in the first
warnings, I immediately thought this is fake (it reminded
me of the notices one gets that really are fake), but
then I started seeing the warning from other reliable
sources.
I don't know what operating system he was using, but he
did have IE and Chrome open on the day the warning came out.
It has turned into a nightmare for him.
Noella
Dear Noella
I hope you suggested to him, that he subscribe to the
Humor Letter. It would have saved him a lot of grief!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Towels to Dry Clothes Faster
I saw my husband using this trick over the weekend when our
dryer broke and we had to go to a laundromat. To absorb
excess moisture from clothes and reduce drying time, place
a dry towel or two in the dryer along with your wet clothes.
Make sure you pause the drying and pull out the towels after
10 to 15 minutes or else the wetness will just recycle its
way back on to your drying clothes. Compared to when I did
the drying on my own the week prior, we saved some money
and quite the wait time!
By attosa [100]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard
me say a bad word about about him?"
Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon
under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.
"Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?"
"Don't tell anyone," replied the Englishmen, "but we poached them
out of the river."
"How did you do that?" asked Donal
"Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs
and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream,
he just catches them."
"We'll try that, Michael, me boy." says Donal
They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of
the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael
screams...
"Quick pull me up, pull me up!"
"Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal,
"No," replies Michael "but there's a train a-comin'."
Today in
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's
King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American
rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead
to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British
troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at
Grossgorschen.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for
the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II
of Belgium.
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid
photographic film. This is the film from which movies are
shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film
was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt
and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until
1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq
and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce
house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender
of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television
pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University
burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took
control of the campus.
1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by
the Maryland Court of Appeals.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only
cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War.
More than 350 people died.
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first
democratic elections.
1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista
Party, was elected president.
2014 smiled.
|
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Your Email address forged into spam mails
Thursday, May 1, 2014, 09:03 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, May 1.
Thank you Leesa for the wonderful heat pad fo my back!
You can vote again! Ezinefinder is fixed!
Today I have to drive to Calgary for a colorectal screening
consultation. No idea whey they can't do that consultation
over the net. I just hope whoever does the consulting is not
the marblemouthed mumbler, who phoned me. I had to ask to
speak to somebody else.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award
AND a Darwin Award goes to a
NC woman who texted while driving
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2011 An announcement was made that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama
bin Laden in Pakistan.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
--- Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - )
"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever."
--- Lance Armstrong
"I am not where I need to be, but thank God
I am not where I used to be"
--- Joyce Myers
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
One evening at story time, a little girl asked her father,
"Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
"No, Honey," he replied, "there's a whole series of
Fairy Tales that being with, 'If Elected I Promise' . . . "
The day I got married was really embarrassing. When
the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with
this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever
hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family
had formed a double line. And they had shotguns!
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Devil's Punchbowl, Newport, Oregon
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
NOT a recent picture. A glamor shot from a many years ago.
Courtney Ann Sanford,
Texting to death
Courtney Ann Sanford was a 32-year-old woman from Clemmons,
N.C. was frantically posting selfies and happy comments
on Facebook while she was driving her car.
Seconds after her last post, Courtney's car crossed the
median and hit an oncoming truck on Business Route 85
in High Point, N.C.on Thursday. Her vehicle ran off
the road and burst into flames. She was pronounced dead
at the scene.
The truck hit a tree, but the driver wasn't injured.
Police said Courtney Ann Sanford had her seat belt on,
but that it wasn't properly buckled. High Point Police
Lt. Chris Weisner said investigators have ruled out drugs,
alcohol, and speed as being involved in the fatal accident.
Sanford posted her Facebook message at 8:33 a.m., just
before she rammed the oncoming truck.
“As sad as it is, it is a grim reminder for everyone…
you just have to pay attention while you are in the
car,” Weisner.
Luckily she rammed a sturdy truck, and not YOU
or a soft SUV full with a mom and kids.
Suicide? Or just a boneheaded Kamikaze klutz?
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: Forged address
Dear Webby
I get all kinds of mail that has my address
forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail
to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't
block my own address and spam gets through the same
way. How do I filter forged addresses?
Alex
Dear Alex
You will notice that spammers usually use some name other
than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender
name field in your email program. All email programs have
a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that
IF
the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com
AND
the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P"
then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it.
If your address has been assigned and contains your entire
first and lat name, then make the sender name slightly
different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the
incoming mail does not have the initial, it gets dumped.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clear Browser for Cheaper Online Airline Tickets
Many travel websites track your activity and see how many
times you've been on their page. Clearing your web browser's
cookies and cache can help you score cheaper air travel
online, making it look like it's your first visit to their
site, giving you better chances of lower prices. My
girlfriend who travels a lot told me about this. I was
skeptical until I tried it for myself - it works!
By attosa [100]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
What's the difference between a general practitioner
and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have
what he treats.
Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had
to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials
and then I asked her for her password.
Her password was "genius".
After three tries and the system telling me "access denied,"
I asked her how to spell it.
She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."
Today in
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because
he refused his share of the Habsburg lands.
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund
an expedition to the West Indies.
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form
Great Britain.
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed
slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment
or deportation.
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter
registration.
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all
Federal troops from the South, ending Reconstruction.
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story
building began in Chicago, IL.
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet
at Manila Bay in the Philippines.
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer.
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight.
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin.
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated
and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest
building in the world at the time.
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal
for independence.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of
neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II.
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet,
made its first flight.
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler,
escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army
advanced on Berlin.
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea
(North Korea) was proclaimed.
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation
belts encircled Earth.
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down
over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner.
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more
elections in Cuba.
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with
the support of naval fire, continue their attack
on a North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do.
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in
downtown Kent, OH, in protest of the American
invasion of Cambodia.
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would
limit passenger car exports to the United States over
the next three years.
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear
power plant accident.
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his
Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. at 212.229 mph.
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting
from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in
public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?"
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts that
lacked federal approval in the U.S.
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers
discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died
in June of 1924 while trying to become the first person
to reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery
it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually reached
the summit.
2011 An announcement was made that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama
bin Laden in Pakistan.
2014 smiled.
|
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( 11 views )
| permalink | print article |     ( 3 / 712 )
Wednesday, April 30, 2014, 07:08 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, April 30.
Ezinefinder is still down. Currently it looks like they took
the machine from the server farm in California, where they
had co-located it, and took it home to Washington, State.
With Mac servers you can't just pop the hard drives into
the next machine, because all the next machines are
thousands of powerful Linux machines. Mac servers are
getting to be close to extinct, and so are the highly
specialized techs, who work on them.
I wish the best of luck to Lewis!
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this alert:
ALERT!
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security advised computer
users to consider using alternatives to Microsoft Corp.s
Internet Explorer browser until the company fixes a security
flaw that hackers have used to launch attacks.
The United States Computer Emergence Readiness Team said in
an advisory released on Monday morning that the vulnerability
in versions 6 to 11 of Internet Explorer, could lead to the
complete compromise of an affected system.
Microsoft is trying to close the security hole and will have
an update with a fix some time in the future. Their fix will
just be for W7 and W8 machines. If somebody is using an
XP machine instead of W7 or W8, then Microsoft recommends
that they go buy a newer computer, that has W7 or W8 on it.
HOWEVERRRRR
There is a smart alternative.
Simply stop using Internet Explorer and use FireFox, Chrome,
Opera or Safari instead. Those don't have Microsoft's
security flaw in them.
|
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee Man, who faked his own kidnapping
but whose mom refused to pay a $200 ransom.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a
cyclone (hurricane) that hit Bangladesh.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
The best way out is always through.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up.
As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he
asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked
down her throat.
He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster
down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he
listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think
I'll hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart.
Barney's in my panties."
>From Elvira
I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and
put them into the hamper.
He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the
place where we put our dirty clothes before they're
washed."
My son picked up his things, trotted into my bedroom,
and slam-dunked his clothes on the floor on his dad's
side of the bed.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Zachery Logsdon,25, Knoxville, Tenn.
Man Fakes Kidnapping
But Mom Won't Pay $200 Ransom
A man accused of staging his own kidnapping failed to quickly
make cash when his mother wasn't willing to pay his ransom.
Zachery Logsdon, 25, of Knoxville, Tenn., allegedly sent his
mother text messages on April 18 claiming his drug dealer
was going to kill him if he didn't pay $200, Wave3.com
reports.
Logsdon's mother repeatedly asked if he was telling the
truth because, she told police, he had tried this scam before
in order to get drug money, according to WBIR.com.
This time around, she called 911. With her help, investigators
set up a meeting to drop off the money. When Logsdon came to
get the cash, he saw investigators and ran, according to the
Tennesseean newspaper.
After a short chase, Logsdon was taken into custody and
charged with filing a false report and resisting arrest,
Local8Now.com reports.
He is being held at the Knox County Jail in lieu of $3,500,
or $3,300 more than the amount he allegedly asked for his
fake ransom.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Get rid of IE ?
Hi Webby,
thanks so much for the info about IE. Heard it all on the
news last night.
Downloaded Chrome this a.m. but have a question-------
how do I get rid of IE or can I?
Thanks for all your help.
Wendy
Dear Wendy
Simply don't use it.
Use Chrome or FireFox.
UNinstalling IE would cause even more problems, because
Microsoft interwove it with all kinds of other stuff.
From the information I got, if you make FireFox or Chrome
the default browser and never call up IE, you will be safe.
Firefox is like Linux, and you can add countless nifty
features quickly and easily. Like Colorful tabs,for example.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Stain Tackler
Make a paste with water, white vinegar, and sugar to
pre-treat spots on clothing before washing. Rub on
stain leave alone for about 10-20 minutes, rinse,
then wash in cold water. Do not put it in the dryer
until you check and make sure the stain is gone!
If it is still there repeat.
By Cheryl's Mom [35]
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
There once was a drunk man who decided to visit
Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and
said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to
him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a
beer and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The
drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he
entered the third door, which lead to the swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush,
PLEASE, don't flush!"
A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He
pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.
"This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and
takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie
appears and grants him three wishes.
"I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"
POOF!
He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more
clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs
reside."
POOF!
Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him
lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish:
"I wish I'd never have to work ever again."
POOF!
He's back in his government office.
Today in
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire
under his own rule.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one
million dollars.
1789 George Washington took office as first elected U.S.
president.
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from
France for $15 million.
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe
Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome.
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work
would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail
over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana.
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory.
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway
train "Cannonball Express."
1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with France
and Great Britain.
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights was
put into service. The train car was known as the
"General Pershing Zephyr."
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had been
married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered
unconditionally.
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to
Hoover Dam.
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in
the village of Dai Do.
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese
Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon
led to widespread protests.
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the
Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines
lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to
evacuate.
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London.
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific agreements
with China. He also signed a tax accord that would make it easier for
American companies to operate in China.
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone that
hit Bangladesh.
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the
Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted
the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit.
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that
would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats.
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor $2.25
million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on ValuJet
that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996.
2014 smiled.
|
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Tuesday, April 29, 2014, 07:14 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, April 29.
Thank you, Betty!
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this alert:
ALERT!
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security advised computer
users to consider using alternatives to Microsoft Corp.s
Internet Explorer browser until the company fixes a security
flaw that hackers have used to launch attacks.
The United States Computer Emergence Readiness Team said in
an advisory released on Monday morning that the vulnerability
in versions 6 to 11 of Internet Explorer .could lead to the
complete compromise of an affected system.
Microsoft is trying to close the security holeand will have
an update with a fix some time in the future. Their fix will
just be for W7 and W8 machines. If somebody is using an
XP machine instead of W7 or W8,then Microsoft recommends
that they go buy a newer computer, that has W7 or W8 on it.
HOWEVERRRRR
There is a smart alternative.
Simply stop using Internet Explorer and use FireFox, Chrome,
Opera or Safari instead. Those don't have Microsoft's
security flaw in them.
|
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Texas teacher, who gave a boy a
lap dance in the classroom
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then
to give a thought for the other fellow.
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship
to the size of his paycheck.
--- Adam Clayton Powell Jr. (1908 - 1972)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was
anxious to make a good impression.
But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of
welcome. The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally
her youngest son ran in and announced happily,
"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"
"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically.
"And then what did she do?"
"Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.
A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's
returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to
see that the examination questions were identical to the ones
asked in his day.
When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied,
"That's true, but, of course, in Economics the answers are
completely different every year."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Felicia Smith, 42, Houston, Texas
Texas teacher, who gave a boy a
lap dance in the classroom
In celebration of a student’s 15th birthday, a Houston
public school teacher gave the boy a “full contact lap
dance” in front of her entire class, an encounter that
resulted yesterday in the educator’s arrest on a felony
charge.
As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Felicia Smith,
42, admitted to performing the lap dance when questioned
by cops. Smith, a Stovall Middle School teacher, claimed
that “the class convinced her” to perform the lap dance,
which lasted about four minutes and was accompanied by
recorded music.
Police first learned of the February 26 performance earlier
this month, and subsequently interviewed the boy and his
mother. Additionally, investigators obtained a videotape
of the lap dance, which was apparently shot by another
student.
After the boy entered Smith’s classroom around 10:20 AM,
the educator “grabbed a chair and placed it next to her
desk.” The teenager told cops that fellow students were
“yelling and telling him to sit down on the chair that
was placed by Ms. Smith.”
As music played, the victim recalled, Smith sat down on
his lap “with her buttocks making contact with his penis
while she began to move back and forth.” The action caused
the boy to “have an erected penis,” cops noted. Smith, the
boy said, also “fondled him with her hands by touching him
all over his body.” The teen admitted that he “slapped
Ms. Smith buttocks a few times.”
Near the lap dance's conclusion, Smith “got on her two
knees and placed her head between” the boy’s legs, police
allege. “I love you baby, Happy Birthday,” Smith reportedly
said as she hugged the boy.
Charged with improper relationship with a student, Smith
is free on $30,000 bond, and is scheduled for a May 22
court hearing.
---------
Awwww, poor boy, got to slap the teacher's butt and got
away with it, and is now crying crocodile tears, that he was
hard done by. I have a hunch that some day Karma is going
to come back and bite his ass!
Tech Support Pits
From: Cora
Re: Ezinefinder
Hi Webby,
What is with Ezine Finder? When I click to vote,
I wait and wait and nothing. Usually it pops up right away.
Cora
Dear Cora
They are not on any of our servers. They are on a Mac server
on the West Coast somewhere. However,the machine is not
dead, I get this response:
Lasso: Internal exception of unknown type.
That would indicate something is messed up with the
software,not the hardware.
I wrote to them on Thursday,and again yesterday,
but they never respond to me anyway.
We just have to wait until they get their problem fixed.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aluminum Foil Sharpens Scissors
A few snips thru a folded in 4ths piece of foil sharpens
up dull scissor blades in a "snap".
By Linda from Vista, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news-
papers for his customers.
As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows
enough to offset the cost of the papers."
"Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties
clothes more than newsprint."
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was
red, but they just went on through. The woman in the
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.
I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the
light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
and they went on through. So, she turned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed
us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I
driving?"
Today in
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for
the first time.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed
for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally
to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were
married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor.
1945 The abandoned Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North
Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went
online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his
Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a
former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four
Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial.
54 people were killed in 3 days.
1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev went
on the first U.S.-Russian space walk.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion in
NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of Amazon
forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2003 Mr. T (Laurence Tureaud) filed a lawsuit against
Best Buy Co. Inc., that claimed the store did not have
permission to use his likeness in a print ad.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO headquarters
in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. Russia's Foreign
Ministry criticized the expulsions.
2014 smiled.
|
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| permalink | print article |     ( 3 / 872 )
Is Earthlink blocking newsletters?
Monday, April 28, 2014, 10:43 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, April 28.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's
collards over cellphone suspension
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the
first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California
businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination
was the international space station.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
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A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool
usually has his suspicions.
--- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at
engineering university. I used to work repairing
construction equipment.
One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had
some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts
had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating
the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this,
one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along.
He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if
I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip
on the bolt so I could then remove it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said,
"that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I
always wondered about that," he said.
This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has
gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown.
Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for
a handout.
Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they
can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back.
Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children
having a wonderful time.
But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown
calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably
not make the party at all.
The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries
to entertain the children herself.
She happens to look out the window and sees one of the
bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in
awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips,
and leaps high in the air.
She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is
doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a
thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating
this performance for the children at the party?
I would pay him $50!"
The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.
"HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Thanks to dad for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
This one bloomed today.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, Fayetteville, N.C.
Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's
collards over cellphone suspension
A Fayetteville teen was arrested Thursday and accused of
spiking her grandmother's Easter dinner with insecticide,
according to an arrest warrant.
Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, of 206 Harrison St., was
charged with two counts of attempted first-degree murder.
She was being held Friday in the Cumberland County jail
under a $500,000 bond.
According to a warrant, Johnson tried to kill Gaylon Moody
on Sunday by pouring insecticide and termite killer into
a pot of collard greens cooking on the stove, knowing that
Moody planned to eat them.
Moody said it was payback after she confiscated her
granddaughter's cellphone for a week.
"I just couldn’t understand it," Moody said Friday.
"Over a cellphone, you want to kill somebody?"
She said she cooked her collard greens and the rest of
dinner before heading off to church for Easter services.
Later, she and friend Clifton Evans sat down to eat.
"About an hour and a half later, we started getting sick,"
she said. "My fingers started feeling numb, (and it spread to)
my chest, my face, my mouth."
They tried to drive to Cape Fear Valley Medical Center but
weren't able to.
"We were staggering like we were intoxicated, but neither
one of us drank," she said.
"You couldn’t smell it. You couldn’t taste it," Evans said.
"We couldn’t even stand up we were so weak."
A friend of Moody's who overheard Johnson making suspicious
comments about sickening her grandmother rushed over and drove
Moody and Evans to the hospital, where they were treated and
spent the night.
On Wednesday, Moody said, she found an empty pesticide bottle
in a cabinet at home, and she and Evans confronted her
granddaughter, who confessed to the poisoning.
"She said, 'Mr. Evans, I didn’t mean to make you sick. I was
trying to get back at grandma,'" Evans said. "They got her
locked up, but she needs help. Seriously, something's wrong
with her. People don’t do that over cellphones."
Tech Support Pits
From: R
Re: Earthlink blocking newsletters?
Dear Webby
Is Earthlink blocking newsletters? None of them come through
any more. What is going on?
R
Dear R
Most likely you told Earthlink to use their totally idiotic
anti-spam program, that requires everybody, who wants to send
mail to you, to fill out their form and get onto THEIR mailing
list.
Naturally, newsletters are too smart for that crap and don't
fall for it. Absolutely NO newsletter will fall for that.
Actually,they can't. Newsletter programs send out the
newsletters, but have no ability to fill forms.
You have to either turn that moron-malfunction OFF,
or figure a way to whitelist the sender addresses of all
the newsletters,that you are subscribed to.
I would recommend that you do that soonest. Most newsletters
will dump you,if they get 3 of those dumb auto-responses.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remedy for Stinky Feet
To remedy stinky toes, soak your feet in a pail of
warm black tea many times. Wear sandals and air
your feet.
By Dorothy from Durban, KZN
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Morris had just reached the airport in
the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's
vacation in France.
"I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris.
"What on earth for?" asked the wife.
"I've left our airline tickets on it."
Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way
home to Brooklyn. Standing next to them was a man who'd
clearly had a liquid lunch.
When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled
out and landed flat on his back. John rushed to his side, picked
him up, and hauled him back into the car.
As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and
John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!"
Today in
0357 Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French
rule in Sicily.
1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic"
1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel
crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers
left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament
on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910 First night air flight was performed by Claude
Grahame-White in England.
1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner.
1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed on
a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by
Douglas Leight.
1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were
executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee
the country.
1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others
set out in a balsa wood craft known as Kon Tiki to prove
that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The
trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing
of the Pacific Ocean.
1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a
treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect.
1953 French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic
to evacuate Americans.
1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and
was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds
for his refusal.
1969 Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974 The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed
near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall.
1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the
fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South Africa
because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. Russia
and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did not sign.
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the
first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California
businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination
was the international space station.
2014 smiled.
|
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( 12 views )
| permalink | print article |     ( 3 / 955 )
What to do if you have Too much spam
Sunday, April 27, 2014, 11:36 AM Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, April 27.
10 cm (4") of fresh snow Saturday morning.
A friend came by and brought a couple of corn cobs.
Judging by their small size, and the time of year,
they were probably from South America.
Nuked them for 8 minutes and slid the leaves and
hairs off, rubbed a bit of butter on them and sprinkled
some salt and pepper on them. Delicious!
There we sat, gnawing fresh corn off the cobs, and
watching it snow outside the window. Big, slow Christmassy
snowflakes.Quite a contrast between taste and vision.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges
After Looking For Horse On Craigslist
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its
maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
|  | |
|
After all is said and done,
a lot more will be said than done.
--- Socratex
Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the
greatest American superstition was belief in facts.
--- John Gunther (1901 - 1970)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say grace
when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had
prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.
"I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that
I've blessed all this stuff before."
Thanks to Joe for this story:
I made the decision to finally do something about the 600
pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame. So, I headed down to
the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the
tremendous selection of different shoes.
I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on,
I asked June, "What's this little pocket thing on the
side for?"
She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change for the
payphone, so that you can call me when you've jogged
too far to walk back from."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ms Donald Waelde, 22,Phoenix, AZ
Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges
After Looking For Horse On Craigslist
An Arizona woman has been arrested on bestiality charges
after allegedly trying to arrange sex with a horse via
Craigslist.
The woman, who's described as transgender and who the
police report is legally known as Donald Waelde, 22,
posted this ad on the Missed Connections section of
Phoenix Craigslist on April 8:
"I am 22 years old and I want to play with a male Horse.
Simple as that. If you have access to a Male horse, and
can allow me access to a male horse, then contact me
please ;) I will do something in return.
Waelde's ad caught the eye of another Craigslist visitor
who reported it to the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office,
Phoenix New Times reports.
Undercover deputies contacted Waelde. During a subsequent
conversation, she allegedly stated she wanted to perform
oral sex on the horse and agreed to meet the undercover
detective, the paper reports.
The meeting took place on Tuesday and deputies brought along
a horse from the sheriff's Mounted Posse as a prop.
During the meeting, Waelde allegedly admitted to placing the
ad and her sexual intentions with the animal.
She was arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit
bestiality.
Tech Support Pits
From: Louise
Re: Too much spam
Dear Webby
I made the mistake of signing up toa Yahoo group,that
seemed to be harmless enough, but within days I was
flooded with allkinds of spam. The group's admin says
they didn't sell my address, that it must have been Yahoo.
Is there anything I can do about stopping all that spam?
Thanks
Louise
Dear Louise
I use MailWasher,and have for over 15 years, to stop spam
right on the server,withut bothering to download it.
MailWasher recognizes most spam, and you can make filters.
For example,you can filter out anything,that has korean or
Chinese or Arabic characters, since you probably can't read
that anyway, and tell mailWasher to trash that right on
the server, automatically, without showing you even their
subject line.
At the end of a week you can then look at the stats and
see in a very cute pie chart what percentage was dumped
with which filter.
Making filters is really easy, you can use all the regular
expressions like "If SUBJECT LINE contains .... but FROM
does not contain ....,then delete on the server,automatically.
All those expressions are just pulll-downs. You don't have
to remember them. By occasionally adding other filters you
wind up with a personalized and extremely effective spam
controller. Try the Free Trial and see how well it works!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
 |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Up While Traveling
When traveling with children, I do this to avoid stopping
all the time and save money on wipes. Before we leave I get
at least 2 wash cloths and soap them really well but don't
rinse them. I put them in a ziplock baggie. Then I get 2
more wash cloths and dampen them with plain water and put
them in another ziplock baggie. When the kids or I need to
be cleaned up, I am prepared.
By ldonston
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend.
Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the
car."
"Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it
should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell
your car?"
"No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles
on it."
Groan Alert!
Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her
bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party
celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant,
an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is
the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is
that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it."
The woman asked, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."
Today in
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of
Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of
Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by
natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was
established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of
Derna, on the shores of Tripoli.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of
habeas corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia
seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying
2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the
electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II,
was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania.
She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the
first commercial ship to be equipped with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which
formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to
any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT.
It was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit
television.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington.
Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for
the shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President
Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S.
1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry
into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its
maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first
Kremlin leader to visit Israel.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot
Freedom Tower on the site of former World Trade Center.
2014 smiled.
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