Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 3.

Last night, by the time I  shut down around 04:30, it had
started to rain. First rain of the year!
By noon the lawn had some green patches in the brown.
By evening the rain turned to snow. 
No panic yet about readying the lawn mower. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
woman in Texas, who went berserk about a corn dog
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, 
 CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the 
 acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilization.
--- Charles Lindbergh (1902 - 1974)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans.  On the other hand, 
the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans. 

The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer 
heart attacks than the British or Americans.  
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, 
and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or 
Americans. 

Conclusion: 
Eat and drink what you like.  
It's speaking English that kills you. 


A couple was going out for the evening.  They were both ready to go, 
nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc. 

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat 
shot back into the house.  Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have 
free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back 
upstairs to chase the cat out. 

Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty 
for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going 
upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." 

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry 
I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I 
had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out." 

The taxi driver laughed so hard, he almost hit a parked car.


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Luxor, Egypt

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Charmelle Henry, 45, Midland, Texas

Corn Dog Raider

She's really in the doghouse now.
A West Texas woman is in jail after allegedly threatening 
the lives of a store employee over corn dogs Tuesday.

Workers at a Midland, Texas business said Charmelle Henry 
threw 75 cents at them and demanded a corn dog, according 
to News West 9. When the 45-year-old wasn't happy with the 
corn dog she received, she threw that at them as well and 
demanded a dog that was not microwaved.

After giving her a second corn dog, the workers noticed 
that Henry had a knife in her hand. She allegedly told 
the workers that she would "stab [them] in cold blood" 
unless she got another corn dog.

She also began stabbing the counter with her pocketknife, 
according to an arrest report obtained by MRT.com.

One employee called police, who subdued the "extremely 
agitated" woman with a K-9 unit until she followed 
their orders.

WFAA reports she faces two counts of aggravated assault 
with a deadly weapon. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How to get rid of IE Hack

Dear Webby
.... You're wonderful!
While I'm at it....what can one do if he has already fallen into the internet explorer trap?  Anything besides taking it to the shop?  Really enjoy your stuff.  First thing I look at (after Ophelia). : )
Jim

Dear Jim
The Internet Explorer hack is not a virus, that can be 
removed, it's a hole in Internet Explorer, through which
hackers can enter your computer and get access to all your
information.

Simply don't use Internet Explorer until Microsoft 
has fixed their problem.

Make Firefox or Chrome or Opera or Safari your default 
browser. In most cases, that will be enough. 

If you have some program, that specifically calls 
Internet Explorer, replace that program with a 
better one, or UNinstall Internet Explorer. 

Because Microsoft has interwoven Internet Explorer 
with all kinds of Windows functions, - and got sued for 
really big money about that by the European Union-, 
here it is not fast or easy to weed it out. 

If you do decide to get rid of it, save all your work and 
close all running programs, since you will have to reboot 
anyway.
Then follow the instructions at How-To-Geek: Remove IE

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Buy Unwanted Gifts At Garage Sales 
All year long, I love to go garage sale hopping. If you 
go early, you get the best stuff. Many people get gifts 
that are just not their thing and sell them at the 
garage sales. These gifts are bath sets, unopened games, 
oh the list is long. I get these gifts and hide them in 
my gift closet.

There is always someone that gets forgotten and you have 
a gift for them - co-worker newspaper carrier, even the 
mail lady. This also helps when I have been invited to 
a home party and they make great hostess gifts, too! 
I save about 10-20 dollars per gift.

By Lorna from Clinton, OK 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


"The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given
recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store.

"For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he
told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving
cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a
small sale into a bigger one and make more commission."

The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and
was eager to try the technique on his very next
customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed
gentleman who shyly requested a box of Tampax for his
wife.

Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed
to see The customer staggering out loaded down with
assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a
one-man inflatable life raft.

"What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk
modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale."

"Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he
wanted was a box of Tampax."

"I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister,
there isn't going to be much doing around your house
this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'"


A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly 
flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. 
"That will be $6.35," he told the customer.

"That's a good price, but it really is a little too small," 
said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?"

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the 
chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took 
it out again.

"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision...

"You know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"



» WILD-life pix




Today in 
1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 - France declared war on Austria.
1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were 
 executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from 
 the Japanese.
1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants 
 prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other 
 minorities were legally unenforceable.
1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook 
 Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North 
 Vietnamese had evacuated the area.
1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations 
 in Washington, DC.
1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned 
 Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after 
 liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy 
 Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule 
 her husband's activities.
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, 
 CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the 
 acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities 
 ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. 
 The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people 
 in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias 
 Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his 
 role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on 
 September 11, 2001. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 2.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
2 NC dope dealers caught next to a school
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
--- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married.  He says,"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to
bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going
to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house
and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma.  You're right.  How did you know?"

"I don't like her."


>From Eddie
My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office to get   
our marriage license. After recording the vital information;   
names, dates of birth, etc. the clerk handed me our license   
and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."   


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Easter cactus still going strong on May 1
Look at all the buds still to open!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, Rock Hill,NC

Pot Dealers Busted Near 
Elementary School

Two South Carolina men were arrested near an elementary 
school after cops found their drug stash hidden inside a 
Scooby-Doo lunchbox, police report.

Brittany Robinson, 26, and Trenton Simmons, 20, were nabbed 
Monday afternoon about 50 feet from Northside Elementary 
School in Rock Hill, a city 25 miles south of Charlotte, 
North Carolina.

Robinson (left) and Simmons were both jailed on two 
narcotics charges--possession of pot with intent to 
distribute and possession of pot near a school.

Responding to a report of two men using drugs behind 
a residence, Rock Hill Police Department officers 
encountered Robinson and Simmons, who reportedly admitted 
that the pair had been smoking pot. A subsequent search 
of the area turned up the Scooby-Doo lunchbox, which was 
wrapped in cellophane and found inside a grocery bag.

The plastic lunchbox--of which both men denied ownership
--contained more than four ounces of marijuana, 10 glass 
pot pipes, and a bag with "3 glass pipes with hash 
residue within it." 

Cops noted that Simmons wept and became “weak in the knees” 
when police located the orange lunchbox

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Brother got hit by IE hack

Dear Webby
My brother was caught with IE open on the first day this 
warning came out.
 
He happened to have a file open that contained all his 
private data - including bank account numbers and passwords 
for both himself, my mom and other members of his family.
 
He lives in Anchorage and received a call from someone in 
Las Vegas that they were getting "tons" of e-mail from 
him and the person told him that his computer had been 
"hacked."
 
He's had to close every bank account they owned, every 
debit card, every credit card and open new accounts. 
This includes accounts (banking, savings, cd, money 
market, etc) for my mom as well. My mom is 94 years 
old and has severe dementia. Many of the institutions 
are not accepting his power of attorney. We're going 
to have to get her to sign cards and papers (and her 
signature is now unreadable). It is very possible 
that the lawyer who drew up her trust agreement may 
have to get involved - so that could even mean a trip 
for him to southwest Missouri.
 
When I saw the words "homeland security" in the first 
warnings, I immediately thought this is fake (it reminded 
me of the notices one gets that really are fake), but 
then I started seeing the warning from other reliable 
sources.
 
I don't know what operating system he was using, but he 
did have IE and Chrome open on the day the warning came out. 
It has turned into a nightmare for him. 
 
Noella

Dear Noella
I hope you suggested to him, that he subscribe to the
Humor Letter. It would have saved him a lot of grief!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Towels to Dry Clothes Faster
I saw my husband using this trick over the weekend when our 
dryer broke and we had to go to a laundromat. To absorb 
excess moisture from clothes and reduce drying time, place 
a dry towel or two in the dryer along with your wet clothes. 
Make sure you pause the drying and pull out the towels after 
10 to 15 minutes or else the wetness will just recycle its 
way back on to your drying clothes. Compared to when I did 
the drying on my own the week prior, we saved some money 
and quite the wait time! 

By attosa [100] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to   
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor   
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!   
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard   
me say a bad word about about him?"   


Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon
under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.

"Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?"

"Don't tell anyone," replied the Englishmen, "but we poached them
out of the river."

"How did you do that?" asked Donal

"Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs
and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream,
he just catches them."

"We'll try that, Michael, me boy." says Donal

They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of
the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael
screams...

"Quick pull me up, pull me up!"

"Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal,

"No," replies Michael "but there's a train a-comin'."



» Bz Bees




Today in 
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British 
 troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for 
 the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II 
 of Belgium.
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies are 
 shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 
 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television 
 pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University 
burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took 
 control of the campus.
1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by 
 the Maryland Court of Appeals.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died.
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first 
 democratic elections.
1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista 
 Party, was elected president. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 1.

Thank you Leesa for the wonderful heat pad fo my back!

You can vote again! Ezinefinder is fixed!

Today I have to drive to Calgary for a colorectal screening
consultation. No idea whey they can't do that consultation
over the net. I just hope whoever does the consulting is not
the marblemouthed mumbler, who phoned me. I had to ask to 
speak to somebody else. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award 
AND a Darwin Award goes to a 
NC woman who texted while driving
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2011 An announcement was made that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
bin Laden in Pakistan. 




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."
--- Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - ) 

"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever." 
--- Lance Armstrong

"I am not where I need to be, but thank God 
I am not where I used to be"
--- Joyce Myers 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

One evening at story time, a little girl asked her father, 
"Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" 

"No, Honey," he replied, "there's a whole series of 
Fairy Tales that being with, 'If Elected I Promise' . . . " 


The day I got married was really embarrassing. When 
the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with 
this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever 
hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family 
had formed a double line. And they had shotguns!


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Devil's Punchbowl, Newport, Oregon

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

NOT a recent picture. A glamor shot from a many years ago.
Courtney Ann Sanford, 

Texting to death

Courtney Ann Sanford was a 32-year-old woman from Clemmons, 
N.C. was frantically posting selfies and happy comments
on Facebook while she was driving her car. 

Seconds after her last post, Courtney's car crossed the 
median and hit an oncoming truck on Business Route 85 
in High Point, N.C.on Thursday. Her vehicle ran off 
the road and burst into flames. She was pronounced dead 
at the scene. 
The truck hit a tree, but the driver wasn't injured.

Police said Courtney Ann Sanford had her seat belt on, 
but that it wasn't properly buckled. High Point Police 
Lt. Chris Weisner said investigators have ruled out drugs, 
alcohol, and speed as being involved in the fatal accident. 
Sanford posted her Facebook message at 8:33 a.m., just 
before she rammed the oncoming truck.

“As sad as it is, it is a grim reminder for everyone… 
you just have to pay attention while you are in the 
car,” Weisner.

Luckily she rammed a sturdy truck, and not YOU 
or a soft SUV full with a mom and kids.

Suicide? Or just a boneheaded Kamikaze klutz? 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: Forged address

Dear Webby
I get all kinds of mail that has my address
forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail
to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't
block my own address and spam gets through the same
way. How do I filter forged addresses?
Alex

Dear Alex
You will notice that spammers usually use some name other
than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender 
name field in your email program. All email programs have 
a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that 
IF 
the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com
AND
the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P"
then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it.

If your address has been assigned and contains your entire
first and lat name, then make the sender name slightly
different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the 
incoming mail does not have the initial, it gets dumped.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clear Browser for Cheaper Online Airline Tickets
Many travel websites track your activity and see how many 
times you've been on their page. Clearing your web browser's 
cookies and cache can help you score cheaper air travel 
online, making it look like it's your first visit to their 
site, giving you better chances of lower prices. My 
girlfriend who travels a lot told me about this. I was 
skeptical until I tried it for myself - it works!

By attosa [100] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


What's the difference between a general practitioner
and a specialist?

One treats what you have, the other thinks you have
what he treats.


Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had 
to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials 
and then I asked her for her password.

Her password was "genius".

After three tries and the system telling me "access denied,"
I asked her how to spell it.

She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."



» Quarter Horse




Today in 
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Habsburg lands.
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies.
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form 
 Great Britain.
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed 
 slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment 
 or deportation.
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter 
 registration.
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all 
 Federal troops from the South, ending Reconstruction.
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL.
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines.
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer.
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight.
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin.
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time.
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal 
 for independence.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of 
 neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II.
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight.
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army 
 advanced on Berlin.
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea 
 (North Korea) was proclaimed.
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation 
 belts encircled Earth.
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down 
 over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner.
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more 
 elections in Cuba.
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with 
 the support of naval fire, continue their attack 
 on a North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do.
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in 
 downtown Kent, OH, in protest of the American 
 invasion of Cambodia.
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would 
 limit passenger car exports to the United States over 
 the next three years.
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident.
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his 
 Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. at 212.229 mph.
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in 
 public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?"
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts that 
 lacked federal approval in the U.S.
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers 
 discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died 
 in June of 1924 while trying to become the first person 
 to reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery 
 it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually reached 
 the summit.
2011 An announcement was made that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
bin Laden in Pakistan. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 30.

Ezinefinder is still down. Currently it looks like they took
the machine from the server farm in California, where they 
had co-located it, and took it home to Washington, State.
With Mac servers you can't just pop the hard drives into 
the next machine, because all the next machines are 
thousands of powerful Linux machines. Mac servers are 
getting to be close to extinct, and so are the highly 
specialized techs, who work on them. 
I wish the best of luck to Lewis!


Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this alert:

ALERT!
 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security advised computer
users to consider using alternatives to Microsoft Corp.s
Internet Explorer browser until the company fixes a security
flaw that hackers have used to launch attacks.

The United States Computer Emergence Readiness Team said in
an advisory released on Monday morning that the vulnerability
in versions 6 to 11 of Internet Explorer, could lead to the
complete compromise of an affected system.

Microsoft is trying to close the security hole and will have
an update with a fix some time in the future. Their fix will
just be for W7 and W8 machines. If somebody is using an
XP machine instead of W7 or W8, then Microsoft recommends
that they go buy a newer computer, that has W7 or W8 on it.

HOWEVERRRRR
There is a smart alternative.
Simply stop using Internet Explorer and use FireFox, Chrome,
Opera or Safari instead. Those don't have Microsoft's
security flaw in them.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Tennessee Man, who faked his own kidnapping 
but whose mom refused to pay a $200 ransom. 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a 
 cyclone (hurricane) that hit Bangladesh.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The best way out is always through.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) 



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. 
As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he 
asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" 

The little girl stayed silent. 

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked 
down her throat. 

He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster 
down there?" 

Again, the little girl was silent. 

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he 
listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think 
I'll hear Barney in there?" 

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. 
Barney's in my panties." 


>From Elvira
I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and 
put them into the hamper. 

He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the 
place where we put our dirty clothes before they're 
washed." 

My son picked up his things, trotted into my bedroom, 
and slam-dunked his clothes on the floor on his dad's 
side of the bed. 


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Zachery Logsdon,25, Knoxville, Tenn.

Man Fakes Kidnapping 
But Mom Won't Pay $200 Ransom

A man accused of staging his own kidnapping failed to quickly 
make cash when his mother wasn't willing to pay his ransom.

Zachery Logsdon, 25, of Knoxville, Tenn., allegedly sent his 
mother text messages on April 18 claiming his drug dealer 
was going to kill him if he didn't pay $200, Wave3.com 
reports.

Logsdon's mother repeatedly asked if he was telling the 
truth because, she told police, he had tried this scam before 
in order to get drug money, according to WBIR.com.

This time around, she called 911. With her help, investigators 
set up a meeting to drop off the money. When Logsdon came to 
get the cash, he saw investigators and ran, according to the 
Tennesseean newspaper.

After a short chase, Logsdon was taken into custody and 
charged with filing a false report and resisting arrest, 
Local8Now.com reports.

He is being held at the Knox County Jail in lieu of $3,500, 
or $3,300 more than the amount he allegedly asked for his 
fake ransom.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Get rid of IE ?

Hi Webby,
thanks so much for the info about IE.  Heard it all on the 
news last night.  

Downloaded Chrome this a.m. but have a question-------
how do I get rid of IE or can I?

Thanks for all your help.
Wendy

Dear Wendy
Simply don't use it.
Use Chrome or FireFox.
UNinstalling IE would cause even more problems, because 
Microsoft interwove it with all kinds of other stuff. 
From the information I got, if you make FireFox or Chrome 
the default browser and never call up IE, you will be safe.
Firefox is like Linux, and you can add countless nifty 
features quickly and easily. Like Colorful tabs,for example.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Stain Tackler
Make a paste with water, white vinegar, and sugar to 
pre-treat spots on clothing before washing. Rub on 
stain leave alone for about 10-20 minutes, rinse, 
then wash in cold water. Do not put it in the dryer 
until you check and make sure the stain is gone! 
If it is still there repeat.

By Cheryl's Mom [35]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


There once was a drunk man who decided to visit
Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and
said, "Wow,  these seats are big!" The person next to
him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a
beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied, "Everything is big  in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The
drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped  the second door. Instead, he
entered the third door, which lead to the  swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush,
PLEASE, don't flush!"


A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He
pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.

"This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and
takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie
appears and grants him three wishes.

"I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"

POOF!
He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more
clearly, he states his second wish.

"I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs
reside."

POOF!
Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him
lustfully.

He tells the genie his third and last wish:

"I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

POOF!
He's back in his government office.



» Quarter Horse




Today in 
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified.
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire
 under his own rule.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one 
 million dollars.
1789 George Washington took office as first elected U.S. 
 president.
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from 
 France for $15 million.
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome.
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work 
 would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail 
 over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana.
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory.
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway 
 train "Cannonball Express."
1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with France 
 and Great Britain.
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights was 
 put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr."
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had been 
 married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered 
 unconditionally.
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to 
 Hoover Dam.
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in 
 the village of Dai Do.
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests.
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines 
 lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to 
 evacuate.
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London.
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific agreements 
 with China. He also signed a tax accord that would make it easier for 
 American companies to operate in China.
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone that 
 hit Bangladesh.
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit.
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that 
 would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats.
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor $2.25 
 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on ValuJet 
 that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 29.

Thank you, Betty!


Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this alert:

ALERT!
 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security advised computer
users to consider using alternatives to Microsoft Corp.s
Internet Explorer browser until the company fixes a security
flaw that hackers have used to launch attacks.

The United States Computer Emergence Readiness Team said in
an advisory released on Monday morning that the vulnerability
in versions 6 to 11 of Internet Explorer .could lead to the
complete compromise of an affected system.

Microsoft is trying to close the security holeand will have
an update with a fix some time in the future. Their fix will
just be for W7 and W8 machines. If somebody is using an
XP machine instead of W7 or W8,then Microsoft recommends
that they go buy a newer computer, that has W7 or W8 on it.

HOWEVERRRRR
There is a smart alternative.
Simply stop using Internet Explorer and use FireFox, Chrome,
Opera or Safari instead. Those don't have Microsoft's
security flaw in them.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Texas teacher, who gave a boy a 
lap dance in the classroom
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





As you journey through life take a minute every now and then 
to give a thought for the other fellow. 
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship 
to the size of his paycheck.
--- Adam Clayton Powell Jr. (1908 - 1972)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was 
anxious to make a good impression.

But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of 
welcome.  The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally 
her youngest son ran in and announced happily, 
"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically.

"And then what did she do?"

"Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.


A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's   
returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to   
see that the examination questions were identical to the ones   
asked in his day.   

When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied,   
"That's true, but, of course, in Economics the answers are 
completely different every year."  


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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Felicia Smith, 42, Houston, Texas

Texas teacher, who gave a boy a 
lap dance in the classroom

In celebration of a student’s 15th birthday, a Houston 
public school teacher gave the boy a “full contact lap 
dance” in front of her entire class, an encounter that 
resulted yesterday in the educator’s arrest on a felony 
charge.

As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Felicia Smith, 
42, admitted to performing the lap dance when questioned 
by cops. Smith, a Stovall Middle School teacher, claimed 
that “the class convinced her” to perform the lap dance, 
which lasted about four minutes and was accompanied by 
recorded music.

Police first learned of the February 26 performance earlier 
this month, and subsequently interviewed the boy and his 
mother. Additionally, investigators obtained a videotape 
of the lap dance, which was apparently shot by another 
student.

After the boy entered Smith’s classroom around 10:20 AM, 
the educator “grabbed a chair and placed it next to her 
desk.” The teenager told cops that fellow students were 
“yelling and telling him to sit down on the chair that 
was placed by Ms. Smith.”

As music played, the victim recalled, Smith sat down on 
his lap “with her buttocks making contact with his penis 
while she began to move back and forth.” The action caused 
the boy to “have an erected penis,” cops noted. Smith, the 
boy said, also “fondled him with her hands by touching him 
all over his body.” The teen admitted that he “slapped 
Ms. Smith buttocks a few times.”

Near the lap dance's conclusion, Smith “got on her two 
knees and placed her head between” the boy’s legs, police 
allege. “I love you baby, Happy Birthday,” Smith reportedly 
said as she hugged the boy.

Charged with improper relationship with a student, Smith 
is free on $30,000 bond, and is scheduled for a May 22 
court hearing. 
---------
Awwww, poor boy, got to slap the teacher's butt and got 
away with it, and is now crying crocodile tears, that he was
hard done by. I have a hunch that some day Karma is going
to come back and bite his ass!

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Cora
Re: Ezinefinder

Hi Webby,
What is with Ezine Finder?  When I click to vote, 
I wait and wait and nothing. Usually it pops up right away.
Cora

Dear Cora 
They are not on any of our servers. They are on a Mac server 
on the West Coast somewhere. However,the machine is not 
dead, I get this response:
Lasso: Internal exception of unknown type. 

That would indicate something is messed up with the 
software,not the hardware.

I wrote to them on Thursday,and again yesterday, 
but they never respond to me anyway.

We just have to wait until they get their problem fixed.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aluminum Foil Sharpens Scissors
A few snips thru a folded in 4ths piece of foil sharpens 
up dull scissor blades in a "snap".

By Linda from Vista, CA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news-   
papers for his customers.   

As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows   
enough to offset the cost of the papers."   

"Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties   
clothes more than newsprint."  


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both   
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising   
along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was   
red, but they just went on through. The woman in the   
passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.   
I could have sworn we just went through a red light."   

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection   
and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.   
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the   
light had been red but was really concerned that she was   
losing it. She was getting nervous.   

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red   
and they went on through. So, she turned to the other   
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran   
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed   
us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I   
driving?"  



» Beach Art




Today in 
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for 
 the first time.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed 
 for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally 
 to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were 
 married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his successor.
1945 The abandoned Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North 
 Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went 
 online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his 
 Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a 
 former Exxon security official. Reso died while in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four 
 Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 
 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev went 
 on the first U.S.-Russian space walk.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion in 
 NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of Amazon 
 forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2003 Mr. T (Laurence Tureaud) filed a lawsuit against 
 Best Buy Co. Inc., that claimed the store did not have 
 permission to use his likeness in a print ad.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO headquarters 
 in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. Russia's Foreign 
 Ministry criticized the expulsions. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, April 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's 
collards over cellphone suspension
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 





If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool 
usually has his suspicions.
--- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at   
engineering university. I used to work repairing   
construction equipment.   

One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had   
some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts   
had corroded on to the bolt; to free it I started heating   
the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this,   
one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along.   
He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if   
I heated the nut it would grow larger and release its grip   
on the bolt so I could then remove it.   

"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.   

Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said,   
"that's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."   

There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I   
always wondered about that," he said.   


This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has
gone all out.  She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown.
Just before the party starts,  two bums show up looking for
a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they
can get a meal if  they will chop some wood out back.

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children
having a wonderful time.

But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown
calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably
not make the party at all.

The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries
to entertain the  children herself.

She happens to look out the window and sees one of the
bums doing  cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in
awe as he swings from tree branches,  does midair flips,
and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is
doing is  absolutely marvellous.  I have never seen such a
thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating
this performance for the children at the party?
I would pay him $50!"

The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.

"HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Thanks to dad for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
This one bloomed today.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, Fayetteville, N.C.

Fayetteville teen poisoned grandma's 
collards over cellphone suspension

A Fayetteville teen was arrested Thursday and accused of 
spiking her grandmother's Easter dinner with insecticide, 
according to an arrest warrant.

Tyt'ana Lisa-Nicole Johnson, 17, of 206 Harrison St., was 
charged with two counts of attempted first-degree murder. 
She was being held Friday in the Cumberland County jail 
under a $500,000 bond.

According to a warrant, Johnson tried to kill Gaylon Moody 
on Sunday by pouring insecticide and termite killer into 
a pot of collard greens cooking on the stove, knowing that 
Moody planned to eat them.

Moody said it was payback after she confiscated her 
granddaughter's cellphone for a week.

"I just couldn’t understand it," Moody said Friday. 
"Over a cellphone, you want to kill somebody?"

She said she cooked her collard greens and the rest of 
dinner before heading off to church for Easter services. 
Later, she and friend Clifton Evans sat down to eat.

"About an hour and a half later, we started getting sick," 
she said. "My fingers started feeling numb, (and it spread to) 
my chest, my face, my mouth."

They tried to drive to Cape Fear Valley Medical Center but 
weren't able to.

"We were staggering like we were intoxicated, but neither 
one of us drank," she said.

"You couldn’t smell it. You couldn’t taste it," Evans said. 
"We couldn’t even stand up we were so weak."

A friend of Moody's who overheard Johnson making suspicious 
comments about sickening her grandmother rushed over and drove 
Moody and Evans to the hospital, where they were treated and 
spent the night.

On Wednesday, Moody said, she found an empty pesticide bottle 
in a cabinet at home, and she and Evans confronted her 
granddaughter, who confessed to the poisoning.

"She said, 'Mr. Evans, I didn’t mean to make you sick. I was 
trying to get back at grandma,'" Evans said. "They got her 
locked up, but she needs help. Seriously, something's wrong 
with her. People don’t do that over cellphones."

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: R
Re: Earthlink blocking newsletters?

Dear Webby
Is Earthlink blocking newsletters? None of them come through
any more. What is going on?
R

Dear R
Most likely you told Earthlink to use their totally idiotic
anti-spam program, that requires everybody, who wants to send
mail to you, to fill out their form and get onto THEIR mailing 
list. 

Naturally, newsletters are too smart for that crap and don't
fall for it. Absolutely NO newsletter will fall for that.
Actually,they can't. Newsletter programs send out the 
newsletters, but have no ability to fill forms.

You have to either turn that moron-malfunction OFF,
or figure a way to whitelist the sender addresses of all
the newsletters,that you are subscribed to.

I would recommend that you do that soonest. Most newsletters
will dump you,if they get 3 of those dumb auto-responses.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remedy for Stinky Feet 
To remedy stinky toes, soak your feet in a pail of 
warm black tea many times. Wear sandals and air 
your feet.

By Dorothy from Durban, KZN 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Morris had just reached the airport in
the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's
vacation in France.

"I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris.

"What on earth for?" asked the wife.

"I've left our airline tickets on it."


Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way
home to Brooklyn.  Standing next to them was a man who'd
clearly had a liquid lunch.

When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled
out and landed flat on his back.  John rushed to his side, picked
him up, and hauled him back into the car.

As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and
John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!"



» Awsome Reactions




Today in 
0357 Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French 
 rule in Sicily.
1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic"
1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel 
 crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers 
 left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament 
 on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910 First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner.
1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed on 
 a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by 
 Douglas Leight.
1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others 
 set out in a balsa wood craft known as Kon Tiki to prove 
 that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The 
 trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing 
 of the Pacific Ocean.
1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect.
1953 French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic 
 to evacuate Americans.
1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969 Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974 The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed 
 near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall.
1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South Africa 
 because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. Russia 
 and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did not sign.
2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California 
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination 
 was the international space station. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 27.

10 cm (4") of fresh snow Saturday morning.
A friend came by and brought a couple of corn cobs.
Judging by their small size, and the time of year, 
they were probably from South America. 
Nuked them for 8 minutes and slid the leaves and 
hairs off, rubbed a bit of butter on them and sprinkled
some salt and pepper on them. Delicious!
There we sat, gnawing fresh corn off the cobs, and
watching it snow outside the window. Big, slow Christmassy
snowflakes.Quite a contrast between taste and vision.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges 
After Looking For Horse On Craigslist
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its 
 maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





After all is said and done, 
a lot more will be said than done.
--- Socratex

Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the 
greatest American superstition was belief in facts.
--- John Gunther (1901 - 1970)



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! 
(Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say grace 
when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had 
prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.

"I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that 
I've blessed all this stuff before." 


Thanks to Joe for this story:
I made the decision to finally do something about the 600
pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame.  So, I headed down to
the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the
tremendous selection of different shoes.

I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, 
I asked June, "What's this little pocket thing on the 
side for?"

She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change for the 
payphone, so that you can call me when you've jogged 
too far to walk back from."


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs



Click on the picture for the large version

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Ms Donald Waelde, 22,Phoenix, AZ

Woman Arrested On Bestiality Charges 
After Looking For Horse On Craigslist

An Arizona woman has been arrested on bestiality charges 
after allegedly trying to arrange sex with a horse via 
Craigslist.

The woman, who's described as transgender and who the 
police report is legally known as Donald Waelde, 22, 
posted this ad on the Missed Connections section of 
Phoenix Craigslist on April 8:

"I am 22 years old and I want to play with a male Horse. 
Simple as that. If you have access to a Male horse, and 
can allow me access to a male horse, then contact me 
please ;) I will do something in return.

Waelde's ad caught the eye of another Craigslist visitor 
who reported it to the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office, 
Phoenix New Times reports.

Undercover deputies contacted Waelde. During a subsequent 
conversation, she allegedly stated she wanted to perform 
oral sex on the horse and agreed to meet the undercover 
detective, the paper reports.

The meeting took place on Tuesday and deputies brought along 
a horse from the sheriff's Mounted Posse as a prop.

During the meeting, Waelde allegedly admitted to placing the 
ad and her sexual intentions with the animal.

She was arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit 
bestiality.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Louise
Re: Too much spam

Dear Webby
I made the mistake of signing up toa Yahoo group,that 
seemed to be harmless enough, but within days I was 
flooded with allkinds of spam. The group's admin says
they didn't sell my address, that it must have been Yahoo.
Is there anything I can do about stopping all that spam?
Thanks
Louise

Dear Louise
I use MailWasher,and have for over 15 years, to stop spam
right on the server,withut bothering to download it.

MailWasher recognizes most spam, and you can make filters.
For example,you can filter out anything,that has korean or 
Chinese or Arabic characters, since you probably can't read 
that anyway, and tell mailWasher to trash that right on
the server, automatically, without showing you even their
subject line.

At the end of a week you can then look at the stats and 
see in a very cute pie chart what percentage was dumped
with which filter.

Making filters is really easy, you can use all the regular
expressions like "If SUBJECT LINE contains .... but FROM
does not contain ....,then delete on the server,automatically.
All those expressions are just pulll-downs. You don't have 
to remember them. By occasionally adding other filters you
wind up with a personalized and extremely effective spam
controller. Try the Free Trial and see how well it works!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Up While Traveling 
When traveling with children, I do this to avoid stopping 
all the time and save money on wipes. Before we leave I get 
at least 2 wash cloths and soap them really well but don't 
rinse them. I put them in a ziplock baggie. Then I get 2 
more wash cloths and dampen them with plain water and put 
them in another ziplock baggie. When the kids or I need to 
be cleaned up, I am prepared.

By ldonston 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend.

Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the
car."

"Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it
should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell
your car?"

"No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles
on it."


Groan Alert!

Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her
bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party
celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant,
an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is
the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is
that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it."

The woman asked, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."



» Maple Syrup




Today in 

1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of 
 Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of 
 Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by 
 natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was 
 established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of 
 Derna, on the shores of Tripoli.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of 
 habeas corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia 
 seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 
 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the 
 electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, 
 was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. 
 She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the 
 first commercial ship to be equipped with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which 
 formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to 
 any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. 
 It was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit 
 television.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington. 
 Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for 
 the shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S.
1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry 
 into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its 
 maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first 
 Kremlin leader to visit Israel.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot 
 Freedom Tower on the site of former World Trade Center. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, April 26.

Correction:
>From Jim
Hi Webby,
I'm from Michigan, but Vipre is in Florida
I'm glad you like it, I especially like their tech support
 
I'm glad I found a good one for you
 
Jim
Combat Medic Retired
IT Tech 



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
PA woman charged with selling heroin from hospital bed
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1986 - The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred 
 at Chernobyl, Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the incident 
 and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
--- Woody Allen (1935 - ) 

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.
--- Peter Steiner


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

>From Dianne
Did I tell you about trying to explain to the kids what a 
station wagon was?  

I was telling them about our trip to California when I was 
little, and they had no idea what a station wagon meant.  
I explained it as a car with a long bed in the back, where 
we put a quilt and had pillows and toys. 

 One of them asked, “Was it pulled by horses?”



Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family!



Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Reported by Cookie


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Lori Sullenberger, 38, Pittsburgh, PA 

Charged with selling heroin from hospital bed

 A Pennsylvania woman will be charged today with allegedly 
dealing heroin from her bed in the intensive care unit of 
a Pittsburgh area hospital, police said.

Lori Sullenberger, 38,  is suspected of selling $1,400 worth 
of heroin from her room in the Excela Westmoreland 
Hospital ICU.

“She will be charged with possession with intent to deliver, 
delivery of a controlled substance, possession of a 
controlled substance and probably a paraphernalia charge 
as well,” Greensburg Police Chief Captain Chad Zucco told 
ABC News today.

Hospital staff became suspicious and alerted police after 
noticing the patient was receiving an unusually large number 
of visitors to her room in the ICU, and many of the visitors 
would stay mere minutes before leaving. Some of the people 
who came and visited her didn’t even know her last name, 
police said.

“The ICU is where our sickest of the sick patients are, so 
our staff are very attuned to what is happening in the patient’s 
rooms,” Excela health spokeswoman Robin Jennings told ABC News. 
“What they observed was an inordinate amount of foot traffic 
into a patient’s room."

Detectives set up surveillance on the room and eventually were 
able to get a confidential informant into the room to buy 
approximately 30 bags of heroin. A subsequent search of the 
patient and her room yielded 380 bags of heroin, syringes, 
and $1,400 in cash, Zucco said.

The drugs were kept in her purse and in hospital room drawers, 
police said. The woman apparently also had several cell phones 
in her room that would ring at odd hours, police said.

“I’ve not seen anything thing like this before, dealing heroin 
set up out of a hospital bed,” the chief said.

Zucco said it is unclear how the women was able to smuggle the 
heroin into the hospital. The patient checked into the hospital 
on April 14 for an undisclosed reason and the alleged drug 
dealing took place from April 14 to April 18, police said.

In addition, the 38-year-old woman, who was being treated at 
the medical facility for an undisclosed illness, even managed 
to inject heroin into her IV line, according to police.

Meanwhile, Sullenberger remains hospitalized as police are 
seeking arrest warrants for not only her but also against 
boyfriend Jason Bates, 32, and Robert Rearick, 27, whom 
investigators say either bought or possessed drugs from 
the suspect.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Ellie
Re: Computer forgets poetry

>Sent to AngelWinks and Forwarded to me
I have used you for years and have written over 1,000 poems, 
usually no problems but lately all I seem to do is have 
problems.  Dear Webby used to help me but I can’t get 
him either lately. Today really was a disaster. Three verses 
into the poem with two angels about friendship and it froze 
up on me and I could not go back,  my verse was gone and my 
cursor froze and you were no longer there. Naturally I 
can’t remember what I wrote to do it again. Can you track 
it down for me, it meant so much to me  as you do. I love 
your company, I see a certain picture and a poem comes to 
mind and I’m in heaven . Please find my poem from about 
two hours ago when I lost it. 
Ellie

Dear Ellie
Until you hit SEND, your poem is just in your computer.

There is no way for me to see what you have in your 
computer, 
or had, before it froze.

I have recommended to you in the past to compose your poems 
in a text editor, and occasionally save them.
You can use Notepad, NoteMaid, WordPad, etc., any of the 
free text editors.

Save each poem with a name, that will help you find it, 
for example 
Betty-Jo-April-25.txt

And after each paragraph hit CTRL S to save it.
Just CTRL S
Once you have given it a name, CTRL S is enough to update it.

Once upon a time computers used to lock up or crash 
frequently, and there were tons of jokes about Jesus versus 
Satan, and Jesus always won, because "Jesus Saves!"

As your computer is getting older, you too will have to save 
your work frequently, just like the rest of us have been 
doing all along.

Imagine the poems you would have at your disposal, if you 
had saved each of them!
At least start doing that now!

When a poem is finished, hit CTRL A to select ALL, 
CTRLC to Copy
Jump to the postcards and paste it with CTRL V

AFTER you have hit SEND on the postcards, 
THEN I can look it up for you, but until that SEND, 
it is only on your computer.

Good Luck!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Brown Meatballs in the Oven
I learned a lot about cooking from my dad. Once all of the 
ingredients for the meatballs were well mixed, he would roll 
small amounts of the meat in the palms of his hands. Then 
we put them on a cookie sheet to brown slightly in the oven, 
this helps hold them together better. It is also a good way 
to remove some of the extra fat. I hope this helps.

By Barbara from Bremerton, WA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


After our friend Tom had been a temporary Bachelor for   
several weeks, we stopped by his Home to visit him. My wife   
asked if he was eating Properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of   
dog food," Tom Told her.   

"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe   
you would be eating anything Like that!"   

"Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied.   

Opening the refrigerator door, He waved his hand at a row   
of doggie bags from half of the restaurants in town.   
  

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new
model being introduced at the trade fair. "Listen to these
features: it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it
can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives
you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and
that's not all..."

"Very impressive," interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep
for a chain of home furnishings stores, "but before I place an
order I'll have to try it out."

"Be my guest," said the manufacturer graciously.

No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale
than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth:
"One at a time, please, one at a time!"



» Scienctifically Correct




Today in 
1478 - Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed 
 Giuliano de'Medici.
1514 - Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn.
1607 - The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, 
 Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in 
 the Western Hemisphere.
1865 - John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry.
1929 - First non-stop flight from England to India was completed.
1964 - The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged 
 to form Tanzania.
1968 - Students seized the administration building at Ohio 
 State University.
1985 - In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 
 people and injured 247.
1986 - The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred 
 at Chernobyl, Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the incident 
 and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material.
1998 - Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned 
 to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities 
 during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public.
2000 - Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's 
 New York Islanders.
2002 - In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 
 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Jim from Florida recommended Vipre for antivirus.
Since a lot of people had asked for a lower cost alternative
to mcAfee and kasperski, I decided to try it and do my
homework on it.

Well, surprise, surprise! It beat McAfee and Kasperski!

The installation could be improved a bit. When it offers to 
get rid of any remnants of McAfee, it does a good job of that,
but requires a reboot.
McAfee does not go without one last kick at the can. 
After you reboot, nothing happens. Between Windows and McAfee,
the installation process is forgotten. 
No problem starting the installation again. This time, without
remants of mcAfee in the way, it is smooth sailing. It installs,
updates, scans, and gives you a list of bad files.

For test purposes I keep "Gift.exe", an ancient file from the
days of Windows 3. When run, it shos a message from CocaCola
and says it is giving you a gift, a beverage holder. And opens
the CD tray. Totally harmless joke from the 80's, when jokes
were fun and Trojans not invented yet. 

However, modern security programs freak at the sight of an exe, 
that bypasses regular inputs and actually does something with 
the hardware. That makes it a perfect test file. 

Vipre found that file and wanted to dump or quarantine it.
OK, how do you rescue the file from well intentioned  Vipre?

Good chance to test their Support.
Chat Support
Less than two minutes wait. WOW! I AM impressed!
A guy who speaks clean and casual English, definitely
not a Taliban using the Babelfish or Yahoo translatot.
I explained the situation, he told me what to hit and 
how to make sure Vipre won't object to tat file ever again.
Definitely most impressed!

McAfee's Taliban would have wasted an hour or more on what
the Vipre tech solved in seconds. 

Next I tested FTP and SFTP, up and downloading files from 
a windows machine to far away Linux servers. 
No problem at all.

Last month I tested BitDefender. It got low marks on a bunch
of things, but totally failed on FTP.  BitDefender seems to 
be made for Mac users who don't get beyond FaceBook.

OK, back to Vipre.
Next I tested SSH, the communication method between Linux 
servers and between them and Windows machines. With SSH I
get to the raw command line on servers. Very powerful stuff!
Vipre handled it smoothly. There was a tiny delay, but that
showed me, that it was scrutinizing the weird stuff I was
doing on a Linux server.

One criterium, which I observed from the start, was readability.
There was no zoom, but readability was quite good, good enough
so that I can wholeheartedly recommend VIPRE Internet Security 2014 

(That link should open in a new browser tab)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Knoxville Woman. who hid loaded gun inside her body
on her trip to jail.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and 
 ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced 
 to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft 
 charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of 
 theft of money from a women's political league. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Laughter is inner jogging.
--- Norman Cousins (1915 - 1990)

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, 
but a comedy to those who think.
--- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

When the spread of the seals and the fishing by foreign
fleets made fishing less and less profitable in Newfoundland,
Angus and Farley approached the Governemnt with a bid to
dig a tunnel to the mainland. They asked for $100,000 each.

"Considering equipment and labor costs", the Transport Dept
asked them, "how do you propose to do the job for such a
pittance?"
"It's simple," the Angus replied. "My partner grabs a shovel,
goes to the mainland and starts digging. I take another
shovel and start digging from here.
We dig until we meet -- and you've got a tunnel!"

"But what if you never meet?"

"Then you've got TWO tunnels for the price of one!"




Complete Online Protection for the Whole Family: 
VIPRE Internet Security 2014

Thanks to Lillemor for forwarding this picture
by her friend Ann


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


Reported by Walter the Stonecarver


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Dallas Archer, 19. Knoxville, Tenn. 

Woman hid loaded gun inside her body

Police say a woman smuggled a stolen, loaded gun into a 
jail, which they discovered during a body cavity search.

Officers searched Dallas Archer, 19, while booking her in 
the Kingsport jail and found the 22-caliber revolver inside 
her crotch. After checking gun records, police learned the 
gun was reported stolen in 2013.

Officials initially arrested the Kingsport woman for driving 
on a suspended license, but now Archer is also facing charges 
for possession of stolen property and bringing contraband 
into the jail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
Re: Protection for 5 machines

Dear Webby
I need affordable protection for 5 mchines.
What do you recommend?
Betty

Dear Betty
After thorough testing, I recommend Vipre.
Check out the link I added further up. 
Vipre also covers mobile devices. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Glass Cleaner
Fill up bottle sprayer almost two inches to the rim. 
Add 1 Tbsp dish detergent and 1 tsp. of any dishwasher 
rinse aid. Add blue food color, if desired. Screw back 
in the sprayer. Mix it up by turning it upside down few 
times and it is ready to use.

By Lani [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to
spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We
arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from
our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged
through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal
appearance frequently left much to be desired.

The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the
mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a
camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he
said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!"

He lived, barely.
  

A fisherman returned to shore with a giant Marlin that was
larger & heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning
shed he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so
one-pound Rockfish.

The buddy eyed the Marlin & said, "Gave up after one,
huh ?"



» Scienctifically Correct




Today in 
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack  
 to capture Timbuktu.
1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by 
 hanging himself.
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble.
1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces 
 defeated the Anglo-Portugese.
1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman 
 Nicolas J. Pelletier.
1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes 
 over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war 
 fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River.
1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt.
1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power 
 reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital 
 for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade 
 with the United States.
1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA.
1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, 
 Union General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA.
1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade.
1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of 
 Hanoi in Indochina.
1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war 
 on the U.S. the day before.
1901 New York became the first state to require license 
 plates for cars. The fee was $1.
1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as 
 president of Germany.
1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose 
 the name "Pehlevi."
1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time.
1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany 
 on Elbe River.
1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist 
 Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated 
 on "Gloucester Hill," in Korea.
1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium 
 nuclear reactor.
1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water 
 way connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean.
1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the 
 integrated circuit.
1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon.
1971 The country of Bangladesh was established.
1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown 
 in a military coup.
1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first 
 revised on October 30, 1982.
1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was 
 aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the 
 eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a 
 helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded. 
 Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed 
 at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the 
 U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event 
 took place April 24th Washington, DC, time.
1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel 
 completed its Sinai withdrawal.
1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, 
 speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way.
1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated 
 to show they favored the decentralization of education.
1984 David Anthony Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, 
 was found dead of a drug overdose in a hotel room.
1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. 
 policy in Central America.
1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was 
 sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal.
1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua.
1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into 
 Earth's orbit. It was released by the space shuttle 
 Discovery.
1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of 
 the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the 
 Communist government.
1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization 
 voted to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an 
 armed struggle to destroy Israel.
1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton on was questioned 
 by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a 
 private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center 
 of the investigation.
2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and 
 ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced 
 to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft 
 charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of 
 theft of money from a women's political league. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an 
La Teacher jailed on aggravated incest, 
child porn charges
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize 
till you have tried to make it precise.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have
killed most of us sitting here years ago," he said.  "Red meat
is awful.  Soft drinks erode your stomach lining.  Chinese food
is loaded with MSG.  Vegetables can be disastrous, and none
of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our
drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and
we ll have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food
it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after
eating it?"

An elderly gentleman in the front row stood up and said,
"Wedding cake."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters   
became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man   
who took them out.   

But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's pre-   
diction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.   

Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked   
all the young men she and her sisters brought home.   

"You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."   





Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Murray Duncan Jr., 45, Washington Parish, La

La Teacher jailed on aggravated incest, 
child porn charges

Murray Duncan Jr., a 45-year-old special education teacher 
at Mt. Hermon Junior High School, was jailed Wednesday 
after he allegedly molested 6 children.

According to the Washington Parish Sheriff's Office, an 
investigation was launched after a parent came forward 
with allegations that Duncan had sexually molested 
their child.

Following the allegation, a search warrant was obtained 
by the sheriff's office which turned up child pornography 
on Duncan's computer. Duncan was taken into custody a 
short time later on child pornography charges.

Since Duncan's arrest, several more allegations of child 
molestation have surfaced, including one child molestation 
complaint that involves a relative.  The victims range in 
age from 5-years-old to their mid-teens, according to 
detectives with the sheriff's office.

Four of the alleged victims told police they were touched 
inappropriately during two different overnight church 
trips in which Duncan was a volunteer.

During a police interview, Duncan reportedly admitted to 
possessing child pornography and admitted to engaging in 
sexual activity with two children.

"I have been battling these demons for a long time," 
Duncan reportedly told detectives.

Duncan was booked into the Washington Parish Jail on 
child pornography and aggravated incest charges. Additional 
charges are expected to be forthcoming, according to the 
sheriff's office.

Despite Duncan's reported confession, he remains on 
paid administrative leave. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: CD
Re: Mam Zeilmaniana

Dear Webby
 have a cactus question for your dad or you
if you know the answer..

I got this plant from a friend of mine a couple of years
ago and it has bloomed for me.. I think it's a
  Mammillaria zeilmanniana 

My question is ..you will notice in the pic that it's hanging over the
plastic container she had it in..there are only 2 plants..now when
it bloom, where the blooms are will there be little baby plants coming
out?...
should I be separating or transplanting the two once the blooms
have died? (that's if the blooms will not turn into babies)

I know I need cactus soil to transplant and a high potassium and
phosphorus but poor in nitrogren plant food..

what size pot should I transplant it into do I go with a pot just a bit
bigger or can I put it into a large pot, which will save me transplanting
later on?..

have a good week ahead..
CD

Dear CD
I asked dad.

Simply cut a 4" - 6" piece off and lay it flat onto some 
dry sand.
Let the cut dry out 3 weeks.
Set it with the cut end down onto DRY, dirty sand. 
Just regular desert sand, not washed construction sand.
Brace it with some rocks, so that it does not fall over.
Put it into the wind and sun for 5 weeks.
It will draw the moisture needed for making roots from above.
You can mist it a bit now and then, but no deluge.
After 5 weeks it should have built 1/2" long fine hair roots.
Then you can transplant it, gently, into a pot with dirtier sand.
With any luck, if you don't murder it with over-watering, 
your new baby cactus will have one or more blossoms next 
Mothers  Day.

Like most cacti, it thrives on wind. 
The more wind and draft, the better.
And of course sun.

And totally forget the BS and lies about special 
cactus soil.
There is no expensive cactus soil in the desert, 
where they grow.
Just dirty sand or sandy dirt will do fine.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cupcake Liner as a Drinks Cover

Use a cupcake paper case to cover your drinks 
in summer. Rip a small hole in the middle for 
the straw. No flies on me! :D

By Monique [97]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.   

The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the   
earth planet have developed satellite controlled weapons."   

The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks,   
"Are they an emerging intelligence?"   

The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them   
aimed at themselves."   


A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to 
send his friend a collect telegram which read: 
"I am perfectly well."

A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel...
collect...on which he had to pay considerable charges. 
Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete 
which had this message:

"This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind." 



» Cairns




Today in 
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. 
 It was the Order of the Garter.
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal.
1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain.
1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the 
 Antilies from France.
1789 U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin 
 House, New York. It was the first executive mansion.
1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith.
1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return 
 the Liaodong peninsula to China.
1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto 
 a screen was demonstrated in New York City.
1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an 
 article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie".
1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to 
 Mao and the communists.
1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of 
 teletype setting.
1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia.
1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched.
1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing 
 its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not 
 successful, which resulted in the resumption of selling 
 the original version.
1985 The U.S. House rejected $14 million in aid to Nicaragua.
1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the 
 Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into 
 the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough.
988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for 
 human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles 
 and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus".
1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' 
 possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale 
 brought in #34.5 million.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against 
 Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up 
 weapons of mass destruction.
2005 The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications downloaded. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, April 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an 
AK pervert who raped two-year-old girl, recorded assault 
with ex-girlfriend's cell phone
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started 
 as thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.
--- Kin Hubbard

The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian 
to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.
--- Gustave Flaubert

There is no human problem which could not be solved 
if people would simply do as I advise.
--- Gore Vidal


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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A classic to start out with:
Dear Grandson:
I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few
changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have
become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen
everyday.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed.
Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and
when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of
the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he
takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed
with Ben Gay. What a life. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

Love, Grandma

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my
age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do
it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs,
in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself ...
"Now, what am I here after?"



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but
he felt unwilling to spend much money.
"How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman.
"They run from $2.00 to $20,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck.
"You just stick this button in your ear and run this little
string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied.
"But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"


Thanks to CD for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
CD's Mammilaria Zeilmannia

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Scott Sholds, 31, Fayetteville, AK

Raped Two-Year-Old Girl, Recorded Assault 
With Ex-Girlfriend's Cell Phone

Scott Sholds, a 31-year-old Arkansas man, was jailed 
Wednesday after he allegedly raped a two-year-old girl 
and recorded it on a cell phone.

According to police, an investigation was launched after 
Sholds' ex-girlfriend discovered a video on her cell phone 
which showed a man having sexual contact with a very 
young girl.

The ex-girlfriend went forward to police to report the video, 
stating that she recognized the man in the video as being 
her ex-boyfriend, Sholds.  A forensic investigation later 
confirmed that Shold was the adult depicted in the video. 
The child in the video was identified as the two-year-old 
daughter of an acquaintance.

Sholds initially denied being in the video, and told police 
he never lived or slept at the little girl's home.  Police 
later discovered that Sholds lived with the girl and her 
family for 9 days. 

Sholds, who has been arrested repeatedly on domestic 
battery charges, was booked into the Washington County 
Detention Center and charged with felony rape or sexual 
intercourse, computer exploitation of a child and 
suspicion of distributing, possession and viewing child 
pornography. He remains held on $100,000 bond.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jane
Re: Not getting the Humor Letter

Dear Webby
I have been receiving the Humor Letter for a long time, 
and I do check it every time I get it.  I do enjoy it—all 
the funny stuff along with the non-funny-stuff.  
I noticed that I do not seem to be getting it anymore, 
in fact the last one I got was on April 1st.  
When I subscribed again, it said that I was already in 
the data base.  I am not sure what that means, but I do 
want to keep on getting the Humor Letter.
Thanks,
Jane

Dear Jane
that means your humor Letter is being sent out to you every 
night.

Once it has entered the server of your ISP, usfamily.net,
there is nothing more,that I can do about it.

Check first in your spam folder, and if it is not there,
then contact the support of usfamily.net and screech a 
temper tantrum at them.

You can show them http://webby.com/humor/no-sub.html
and show them that they have absolutely NO excuse for acting
like a bunch of sniveling ninnies and censor your 
subscription.

Hopefully you can get them to smarten up and pretend to be
competent enough to deliver your email.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use New Toothbrush for Cleaning
Don't use old toothbrushes when cleaning those hard-to-get 
places. If the toothbrush isn't strong enough to clean your 
teeth, it won't be strong enough for the job you are using 
it for. Instead, use a NEW firm-bristled toothbrush and 
save it with your cleaning products for continued use.

By Patricia P. [2]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've
seen others who have.  I was in a shop once, and an
obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while
giving him a shave.

The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked
solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?"

"No thanks." said the customer.
"I'll carry it home under my arm."


The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced
that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier
climate.

After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor
with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to
miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!"

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now,
Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place
might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice,
"That's what they said the last time too."



» Kaliedescope Garden




Today in 
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discd Brazil.
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the 
 death of his father Henry VII.
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in 
 Treaty of Saragosa.
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe.
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces.
1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the 
 inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent 
 and two-cent coins.
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started 
 as thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land.
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship.
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of 
 the White House.
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television.
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day 
 hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those 
 killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, 
 and all 14 rebels.
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered 
 a state of emergency in the city of General Santos in 
 response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. 
 The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, April 20

Happy Easter!
many years ago I put together this page:
What Easter is all about

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Man Punched Jogger And Ran Down 
2 Women On Drive To School
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free 
 one-way ride for blacks to move to northern states.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Nothing in life is to be feared, 
it is only to be understood. Now is the time to 
understand more, so that we may fear less.
--- Marie Curie (1867 - 1934) 


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
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A man started to snore in his seat at the church.
"Please stop your snoring," the usher pleaded.
"You are disturbing the others..."

"Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "This is my seat and
I'll do whatever I want!"

"Yes, sir," replied the usher. "But please be considerate...
you are keeping everybody else awake!"



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress,
he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching
post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him
trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained"
our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited
him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he
wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.


Thanks to Lillemor for today's picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Flower On Easter Cactus

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

 Eric Noel Montez, 28, Naples, Floriduh

Man Punched Jogger And Ran Down 
2 Women On Drive To School

A Florida man is facing attempted murder charges for 
allegedly running hitting two women with his car and 
punching a jogger while driving his 7-year-old daughter 
to school.

A jogger tapped the car of Eric Noel Montez, 28, for 
driving dangerously close to him on Thursday morning, 
police say.

Montez allegedly stopped his vehicle and ran after the 
jogger. He allegedly punched the man numerous times in 
the face, according to NBC-2.com.

The suspect was pummeling the victim when Lorraine McDaniel, 
52, and Kristee Barres, 33, told him to stop and that they 
were calling police.

There was a verbal exchange before Montez got back into his 
car and pulled forward, allegedly hitting Barres and vaulting 
her over the hood.

As he drove away, McDaniel ran screaming after him. He 
allegedly stopped the car and drover over her in reverse, 
the Naples News reports.

Montez dropped off his daughter at home before returning to 
the scene of the crime, RawStory.com reports.

He has been charged with two counts of attempted second 
degree murder and one count of battery. More charges may 
be added later.

Barres remains hospitalized in stable condition while 
McDaniel is listed in critical condition.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
Re: McAfee versus Kasperski

Dear Webby
Hi - I have been buying McAfee (your site) for several years 
and noticed that you now have another  one advertised.
I have not had any problems with McAfee except I cannot tell 
when a scan is running - my computer just slows down.
I do not have any scans scheduled so I can only assume McAfee 
runs a scan for downloads etc. as I get a notice after the 
scan is finished. I do not like this but I do want to be 
protected.
 
I was not too happy with the comments McAfee himself made 
about the "new" management problems and no one fixing
them. He said he was glad they had removed his name as he 
did not wish to be associated with it any more. I knew 
he sold the company several years ago but I thought he 
was still associated with the company. I did not hear 
but info was relayed by a friend so not real sure about 
all that was said.
 
I have several computers so I need protection for all of 
them and Kasperski's only has for 3 (and I need for 5) so 
not sure about what to do right now. My McAfee runs out 
on 4/25 so I have to make a decision soon.
Do you think McAfee is still the best?
 
Sorry to hear about your health problems - hope you have 
found some true relief from the pain.
 
Thanks for all your time with all the info in your daily 
newsletter. Jokes are always a treat...
 
Betty 

Dear Betty
I agree, McAfee has gotten too big and too snooty.
But so did Kasperski.

Personally, I don't find a significant advantage of one 
over the other.

I offer links to both because it has become a religious 
issue. Some people are fanatics for one, some for the other. 

Talk to them and find out who offers the better deal 
for 5 machines.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Old Window Panes as Frames
I have been using old window panes to put photos in. 
I'm attaching some for the bathroom and general 
grandkid pics. Everyone loves them and they were 
so easy :-)

By Pattie [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Now then," said the warden addressing the three instigators
of a failed prison riot. "I would like to know two things.
First: Why did you revolt?
Second: How did you get out of your cell?"

One of the three men stepped forward,
"Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful."

"I see. And the cell? What did you use to break the bars?"

Replied the spokesman, "Toast...."


Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following
problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to
go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler,
one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what
does each get?"

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised
his hand.

The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer.

With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered,
"A good lawyer...!"



» All Hail




Today in 
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
 St. Malo to explore the North American coastline.
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament 
 for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have 
 kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members.
1689 The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II 
 attacked the city.
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.
1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars.
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, Bavaria.
1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act of 
 the U.S. Congress. It was the first national park in the U.S.
1865 Safety matches were first advertised.
1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey 
 from London to Cyprus.
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium.
1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason 
 on August 3.
1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the 
 Soviets.
1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA.
1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin.
1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of 
 the German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart.
1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed.
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free 
 one-way ride for blacks to move to northern states.
1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the 
 Vietnam War.
1971 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to 
 achieve racial desegregation in schools.
1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon.
1977 Woody Allen's film "Annie Hall" premiered.
1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. 
 was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the 
 Nissho Maru on April 9.
1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was 
 officially unveiled.
1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of 
 high-definition TV.
1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in 
 Seville, Spain.
1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston 
 Marathon for the second time. He also registered the 
 third fastest time with 2 hours 7 minutes and 34 seconds. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Thhank you, Fred!

Today is Saturday, April 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Accused Killer, who texted victim's father: 
'she's dead. I have the last laugh'
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to 
 the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the 
 cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed 
 including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped 
 the fire.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, 
somewhere, may be happy.
--- H. L. Mencken


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
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Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Kathryn found   
an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her   
parents.   

"Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My   
friend was about to hang up when her mom added....   

"And, Kathryn?"   

"Yes, mom?"   

"Call them first and let them know you're coming."  



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he   
called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first   
notice the leak?" the repairman inquired.   

Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to   
finish my soup!" 


Thanks to my Lillemor for today's picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Flower Buds On Easter Cactus

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Gabriel Galan Navarro, 20, Renton, WA

Accused Killer, who texted victim's father: 
'she's dead. I have the last laugh'

Prosecutors say a Washington state man, accused of killing 
his girlfriend, sent text messages to her family members 
after allegedly strangling her.

Gabriel Galan Navarro, 20, faces first-degree murder charges 
in the death of Allison Leedy, also 20.

On April 12, Navarro allegedly strangled Leedy in the Renton 
apartment where they lived, then texted her family.

"If you are getting this you are responsible for Allison's 
death. You turned her against me," Navarro wrote, according 
to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

Navarro also texted the woman's father, writing: "She's dead. 
I have the last laugh."

Prosecutors said Navarro had been aware of and angered by 
the young woman's plans to end their relationship and attend 
college in California, and was "determined to prevent 
Allison and her family from realizing her dreams.”

Prosecutor Adrienne McCoy described the couple's three-year 
relationship as one characterized by "manipulation, 
isolation and psychological destruction," according to the 
Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

Police said that Navarro also called 911 and lied to a 
dispatcher, saying that he had flooded his apartment with 
propane gas and rigged it to explode if anyone entered. 
He also allegedly said that he was armed with a hand gun.

Renton police responded to the apartment complex and shot 
a window out with bean bags in an attempt to clear the 
residence of any gas. Navarro surrendered a short time 
later.

Police told KCPQ that they believe Navarro's actions were 
an attempt to get officers to shoot him.

After he was arrested, Navarro told police that his 
alternate personality, "Frost," had killed Leedy. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Connie R
Re: Mammogram Site

Dear Webby
is it possible to add this web site address to your
humor newsletter. I feed the dogs each day, and I think
being able to click onto this web url to give a free mammogram
to an underpriviledged woman would be another good thing
to do.
Connie R
 The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough
people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of
donating at least one free mammogram a day to an
underprivileged woman....

Dear Connie
Look in the side menu. 
I have had a link to the Breastcancersite for about 
15 years. 
Thanks to the efforts of a few dedicated people like me, the
Breast Cancer site is nowhere near worrying about ONE
mammogram per day. Just click on the two cheerful ladies
and also tell your friends to do the same.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dryer Sheets for Insect Repellent
Bounce dryer sheets are great to use as a mosquito 
repellent. Just rub it on all exposed areas then tie it 
to a belt loop. I use them while mowing the lawn.

By Vi from Mobridge, SD

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud
young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and
everything. He was served a piece of meat, he picked it up
with his fork, held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?"

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly:
"Which end of the fork are you referring to?"


Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly
to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for
this lovely pie."

"If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously,
"would you thank her for two pies?"



» Unusual Equine Colors




Today in 
1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German 
 Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany.
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor 
 and sank the Spanish fleet.
1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros.
1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic 
 Sanction, which gave women the rights of succession to 
 Hapsburg possessions.
1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies 
 from printing paper money.
1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. 
 Cook originally named the land Point Hicks.
1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out 
 at Lexington, MA.
1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States.
1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw.
1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American 
 merchants.
1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours 
 in a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC.
1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers 
 and nine civilians killed.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of 
 Confederate ports.
1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the 
 U.S. by Charles and Frank Duryea.
1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It 
 was the first of its type in the U.S.
1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on 
 Chaing Kai-shek.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a 
 proclamation that removed the U.S. from the gold standard.
1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the 
 Spanish Civil War.
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. 
 The Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days.
1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had 
 survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during 
 World War II.
1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco 
 when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco.
1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos 
 back to the U.S.
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It 
 was the first space station.
1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business 
 traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with 
 subversion in Central America.
1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 
 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 
 feet from the ground.
1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild 
 was captured and placed in a breeding program at the San 
 Diego Wild Animal Park.
1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors 
 were killed.
1989 A giant asteroid passed within 500,000 miles of Earth.
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to 
 the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the 
 cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed 
 including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped 
 the fire.
1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King 
 for violation of his civil rights.
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, 
 OK, was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on 
 U.S. territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, 
 and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of 
 the bombing on June 2, 1997.
1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square 
 pro democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government.
2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were 
 killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on 
 October 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's 
 al-Qaida network. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 4.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Floriduh Gramma jailed for child neglect
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 



Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Everything that irritates us about others 
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
--- Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)


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The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a
surprise tour of the factory.  Walking through the warehouse
he noticed a young man lazily leaning against a packing
crate.

The factory owner angrily said, "Just how much are you
being paid?"

The young man replied, "Two hundred dollars a week."

The owner pulled out his wallet, peeled off ten $20 bills
and shouted at the young man:

"Here is a week's pay--now get out and don't come back!"

Without a word, the young man stuffed the money into his
pocket and left.

The warehouse manager, standing nearby, stared in
amazement.

"Tell me," the boss asked him, "How long has that guy
worked for us?"

"He doesn't work here," replied the warehouse manager,
"He was just the Pizza guy waiting for George to find two
more dollars for his lunch order."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the
insurance company.

Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn
insured for fifty thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan.
Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain
the value of what was insured and provide you with a new
one of comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Susan replied,
"Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."


Thanks to my Dianne for today's picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Maldives

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Crystal Hernandez, 34, Broward County, Floriduh

5 Kids Left Alone in Filthy House 
While Grandma Gambles at Casino 

Some things change when you become a mom, and the ability 
to come and go as you please when you have little kids is 
one of them. Children are not pets ... you can't just 
leave them alone while you gallivant off to the slots.

This should be common sense, but apparently not for Crystal 
Hernandez, the 34-year-old Florida grandmother who left her 
four kids and one grandchild at home so she could go to 
the casino.

She was arrested at her home on Tuesday after neighbors called 
the cops when the five kiddos were wandering around outside 
asking people for food. They ranged in age from 2 to 12. No 
word on where the mother (or father?) of the grandchild was, 
or if Hernandez has custody.

She doesn't have custody of any of them anymore, and it isn't 
just because she left them home alone to go gambling. Apparently 
the environment of the house was toxic and unlivable. We are 
talking pee and poop awful here.

In a report, Broward Sheriff's Deputy Matthew McGee noted 
that the overwhelming smell of urine and feces in the house 
was "almost unbearable to stand."

According to McGee, there was also "feces on the kitchen 
counter, along with feces on the floor," and "dirty clothes 
were thrown around the residence, along with old food." 
The one place there wasn't any food was in the cupboards, 
and there was only "minimal" food in the fridge.

All five children were removed by the authorities, and 
Hernandez is being held on $5,000 bond.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Karen
Re: Better sound for laptop

Dear Webby
How can I increase the sound quality for my laptop?
I got some fairly expensive aftermarket speakers for it,
but the sound is still quite trashy compared to my home
stereo.
Help!
Karen 

Dear Karen
Those "fairly expensive aftermarket speakers" are not worth
the shipping cost. As you noticed.

Get a stereo cable, exactly like the one leading from the
computer to the first of those squeakers, and connect that
to the AUX-IN on your home stereo, or any old boom box.

Switch the stereo or boom box to AUX, and you have sound
the way it was meant to be.

As a free bonus you have the headphone jack on the stereo
for plugging in the earphone half of a communication
head set. The pink microphone plug still goes to the 
pink computer microphone jack.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Stains out of a Ceramic Teapot
Use White King bleach diluted with water or table or 
cooking salt. I find that salt definitely works.

By jessie.ofarrell1 [4]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The Priest had just finished hearing the man's confession
and was considering the man's penitence.

"Are you sure you're going to try to set aside all sin?"

"Yes Father, I certainly am going to try." replied the man.
"I here-by resolve to double my efforts."

"And you're going to attend Mass regularly my son?" the
Priest went on.

"Yes Father, I realize I have strayed." said the man. "I
shall both worship and confess every week."

"And how about your debts and those you have cheated?"
inquired the Priest.

"Now just a minute Father." said the man.  "Now you're
talking business and not religion."


At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some
supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder
to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for
workers with noise-induced tension headaches.

I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with
four cases of baby powder and several cartons of aspirin. 
As the woman behind me in the checkout line peered at my 
purchases, she laughed and exclaimed, 
"Must be one heck of a kid!"



» Pencil Maker




Today in 
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V 
 in the Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views 
 that led to his excommunication.
1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians.
1775 American revolutionaries Paul Revere, William Dawes 
 and Samuel Prescott rode though the towns of 
 Massachusetts giving the warning that "the Regulars 
 are coming out." Later, the phrase "the British are 
 coming" was attributed to Revere.
1791 National Guardsmen prevented Louis XVI and his 
 family from leaving Paris.
1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated 
 at the Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first 
 Seminole War.
1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War)
1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to Tanna.
1861 Colonel Robert E. Lee turned down an offer to command 
 the Union armies during the U.S. Civil War.
1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process 
 of recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is 
 regarded as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S., 
 Thomas Edison gets the credit.
1895 New York State passed an act that established 
 free public baths.
1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The original
 death toll was cited at about 700. Later information 
 indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to 4 times the 
 original estimate.
1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at 
 night.
1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX.
1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet 
 leader Josef Stalin.
1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS Hornet, 
 raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities.
1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku 
 Yamamoto, was shot down by American P-38 fighters.
1946 The League of Nations was dissolved.
1949 The Republic of Ireland was established.
1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was completed.
1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt.
1955 Albert Einstein died.
1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the 
 Panama Canal to Panama on December 31, 1999.
1980 Rhodesia became in independent nation of Zimbabwe.
1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide 
 car-bomber. 63 people were killed including 17 Americans.
1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS.
1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy 
 tried to storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing.
1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game 
 in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading 
 scorer and holder of 61 individual records.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, April 16.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an 
NC man, who shot up strip club 
after getting kicked out

Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





He played the king as if afraid 
someone else would play the ace.
--- John Mason Brown (1900 - 1969)

"Women and cats will do as they please, 
and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
---  Robert Heinlein


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
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Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you
cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and
said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's
wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Thanks to Tim for this story:
When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident
of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective
jurors.

As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.

Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered,
"My son is a lawyer."

As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the
services of an attorney.

"Only to mow my lawn."


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
13 year old girl in Kazakhstan

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Mario Chavez, 33, Gaston, NC

NC man, who shot up strip club 
after getting kicked out

A man accused of trying to feel up a strip club dancer got 
touchy when he was kicked out of the North Carolina nudie 
bar.

After being forced to leave the Leather & Lace Strip Club 
for trying to reach inside a dancer's underwear, Mario Chavez, 
33 allegedly fired 13 shots into the strip joint on Thursday.

“He told the bouncer that he’d done apologized to me and 
the bouncer told him that I’d done gave him a warning and 
he was going to have to leave,” the dancer, who wished 
to remain anonymous, said according to RawStory.com.

Chavez allegedly went to his truck, grabbed a .40-caliber 
Beretta handgun and fired it into the club.

When that gun jammed, Chavez allegedly went back to the 
truck and grabbed a 9 mm Taurus handgun. Investigators 
said he then fired seven more shots at the building and 
two more shots as he drove away, the Gaston Gazette 
reports.

The gunfire sent the 18 people inside the club into a 
panic. One of the bullets flew over two pool tables 
and in a sofa, MyFox8.com reported.

No one was injured.

Chavez was arrested a short time later and charged with 
18 counts of counts of assault with a deadly weapon with 
intent to kill, shooting into an occupied building and 
one count of sexual battery.

The suspect is currently in the Gaston County Jail on 
$1 million bond. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Renee
Re: Outlook Limit

Dear Webby
I read that Outlook suicides and loses all the mail if you
have too much mail in it. Is that true, and if so, what are
the limits?
Thanks
Renee

Dear Renee
Yes, unfortunately that is true.
The limits are not hard and not predictable. Usually it is
fairly save to keep a year's worth of mail in it, as long
as the IN, OUT and other most used mailboxes are kept
small and tidy.

Some people have been able to keep it going for two-three
years, but sooner or later the inevitable crash happened.

If you need to keep mail for over a year for business
purposes, then I would recommend Eudora or Thunderbird. 
With those you can easily split off months or years or 
clients and store them on a CD, and return them if and 
when needed.
Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Lotion to Protect Sore Nose
As you have sinuses, your nose eventually gets raw from 
all that blowing. But today I have a cure! :O All you do is 
apply baby lotion or any other kind and smear it on a thin 
layer over the rawness. (NO BATH AND BODY WORKS, I learned 
the hard way) If you have a bad case of it, you will need 
some Blistex or chapstick! I hope that helped.

By Skylar McMinn [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Jim
As a department head stationed on a Navy vessel, I was con-   
cerned about one of my senior enlisted men. He was a superb   
technician, but he had a problem taking orders. One day I   
took him aside and suggested he try something that had   
worked for me.   

"Whenever an officer gives you a directive that you think   
is stupid," I told him, "just say, 'Yes, sir.' But in your   
mind, think, 'You're a f****n idiot!' Will this work for you?"   

He smiled at me and replied, "Yes, sir!"   


Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how
to get some  time off," said one.

"How are you going to do that?"

"Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman
 asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied.

"I'm a lightbulb."

"I think you need some time off," the foreman said said,
and the  first man walked out of the factory. After a moment,
the second  man followed him.

"Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted.

"I can't work in the dark," he said.



» Stylish Duct Tape




Today in 
0069 Otho committed suicide after being defeated by 
 Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum.
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries 
 of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended.
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton.
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden.
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border.
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake.
1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money 
 to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement 
 of Teaching.
1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across 
 the English Channel.
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start 
 Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile.
1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set 
 a women's record.
1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in 
 recognition for heroism under constant German air attack.
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman 
 accidently discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of 
 LSD-25 while working on the medicinal value of 
 lysergic acid.
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa.
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
 demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens 
 to exhibit zooming effects.
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying 
 ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The 
 explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people.
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray 
 sank in the English Channel.
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming 
 home from Vietnam. The Vietnam war became a defeat from home.
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was 
 the fifth manned moon landing.
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea 
 and began a reign of terror.
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
 in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain.
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids.
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua 
 after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on planes.
1987 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly 
 warned U.S. radio stations to watch the use of indecent 
 language on the airwaves.
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of 
 new animals created by genetic engineering.
1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former 
 lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts.
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect 
 threatened fish stocks in the north Atlantic.
1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino 
 Craxi guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to 
 eight years and three months in prison.
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL).
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 
 child pornography law based on rights to free speech.
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia 
 Tech before killing himself. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Thank you, Nancy!

Today is Monday, April 14.

The back pain shifted tithe right side.
Getting upright is a bit easier now. Acid reflux, that had
been broght on by Naproxen kept getting worse, even though 
I stopped it after one day on Thursday. Now it added 
stomach cramps. A cup of hot water with a Tablespoon of 
Baking Soda tasted obnoxious, but stopped the cramps and
the acid reflux. An apple probably helped too. 

What a mess! I am about as far from the Mr.Indestructible,
that I was, as I can go.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Alabama Teacher - Charged With Having 
Sexual Contact With Three Middle 
School Students
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona 
 Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





God made man before woman so as to give him time 
to think of an answer for her first question.
--- Nanarina


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When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily 
ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. 
It comes from my family."
 
"Your mother's side or your father's?" he asked. "Neither," 
he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," 
the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high 
blood pressure?" 

He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!" 



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much 
time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the 
boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the 
father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, 
he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." 

The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was 
The President of The United States." 




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Kristina McMillan Kelly, 41, Mobile, Alabama.  

Alabama Teacher - Charged With Having 
Sexual Contact With Three Middle 
School Students

Kristina McMillan Kelly, a 41-year-old substitute teacher 
at Denton Middle School, was jailed Friday after she 
allegedly had sexual contact with three students.

According to police, an investigation was launched 
after Kelly propositioned a 15-year-old student for sex, 
and the student reported it to school administrators.

During a subsequent investigation, Kelly reportedly 
admitted to having sex with two other students, 
ages 15 and 14.

Investigators say the alleged sexual abuse began in 
January and took place at her home. Police do not 
believe sexual contact with any of the students took 
place on school grounds.

She was booked into jail and charged with two counts of 
second-degree rape, two counts of second-degree sodomy, 
one count of sexual abuse and three counts of a school 
employee having sexual contact with a student under the 
age of 19. She was released Saturday after posting bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: Weird Windows desktop

Webby,
 Sorry to hear of your back  troubles. My problem this 
morning is I did a Microsoft update on my laptop which 
i do monthly when asked and have never had a problem 
with it in the past. Well this time when the update 
was done my whole look of my desktop and my task bar 
is different, it looks like the first edition of windows 
or something, the task bar is white,where before it was 
black and new looking. the colors around the windows 
are nothing like they were either. I have tried to go 
into the personalization setting to see if i could 
change them back and didn't find any settings that 
i could use....can you help?

 Hope your back settles down for you. Any assistance 
with my problem would be appreciated.

Randall

Check if it accidentally went into High Contrast mode.
Also reboot and make sure you are not in Safe Mode.
Please let me know if that helped.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




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Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Feed Corn for Keeping Cool
You know, if your feet hurt, everything hurts. Well, if 
your feet are cool, everything else is a lot cooler too. 
I keep a large shoe-box-sized plastic container in the 
freezer filled with feed corn. It's actually wide enough 
for both of my bare feet to fit side-by-side. On hot days, 
or if my feet hurt, I pull it out, stick my feet into 
plastic bags, then dig my toes deep into the feed corn! 
The plastic bags prevent the corn from smelling like feet 
after a while, besides keeping corn dust off my feet. And 
if they have some plastic bags for their own feet, I'm 
fine with sharing the joy with my friends!

By Ruth C.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


 Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. 
She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts!! S
uch pests. They give me no rest and I'm half way to the 
funny farm." 

"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," 
her friend said. So Mary bought a playpen A few days later, 
her friend called to ask how things were going. 

"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen 
with my laptop, a coffee and a chocolate bar, and the kids 
don't bother me for hours!" 


The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation. 
Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced 
driver frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down. 
"I'll have your job for this!" he shouted at the top of his 
lungs. 

"Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the unruffled 
officer as he wrote out the citation. "The hours are long, 
the pay is low, and you got to put up with some of the 
weirdest idiots you can imagine!" 



» Pan Am




Today in 
1775 The first abolitionist society in U.S. was organized 
 in Philadelphia with Ben Franklin as president.
1793 A royalist rebellion in Santo Domingo was crushed by 
 French republican troops.
1860 The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco 
 with mail originating in St. Joseph, MO.
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 
 Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died 
 early the next morning.
1894 First public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope 
 took place.
1902 James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store 
in Kemmerer, WY. It was called the Golden Rule Store.
1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden 
 voyage hit an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost 
 their lives and more than 700 survived.
1931 King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile and the 
 Spanish Republic was proclaimed.
1946 The civil war between Communists and nationalist 
 resumed in China.
1953 Viet Minh invaded Laos with 40,00 troops.
1956 Ampex Corporation of Redwood City, CA, demonstrated 
 the first commercial magnetic tape recorder for sound 
 and picture.
1981 America's first space shuttle, Columbia, returned 
to Earth after a three-day test flight. The shuttle 
orbited the Earth 36 times during the mission.
1984 The Texas Board of Education began requiring that 
 the state's public school textbooks describe the evolution 
 of human beings as "theory rather than fact".
1986 U.S. President Reagan announced the U.S. air raid on 
 military and terrorist related targets in Libya.
1987 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev proposed banning all 
 missiles from Europe.
1988 Representatives from the U.S.S.R., Pakistan, Afghanistan 
 and the U.S. signed an agreement that called for the 
 withdrawal of Soviet forces from Afghanistan starting on 
 May 15. The last Soviet troop left Afghanistan on 
 February 15, 1989.
1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona 
 Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion.
1998 The state of Virginia ignored the requests from the 
 World Court and executed a Paraguayan for the murder of 
 a U.S. woman.
1999 Pakistan test-fired a ballistic missile that was capable 
 of carrying a nuclear warhead and reaching its rival neighbor 
 India.
2002 Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned to office two 
 days after being arrested by his country's military.
2008 Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines announced they were 
 combining. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, April 13.

Ibuprofen + Tylenol + Aspercreme do help.
So does the vibrating massage mat.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Texas School Cosellor jailed for
Repeatedly Having Sex With Student
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to 
 El Salvador without congressional approval.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. 
I'm frightened of the old ones.
--- John Cage (1912 - 1992) 

"According to Newsweek, they've now come out with the carbon   
diet. An environmentally friendly diet that reduces green-   
house gases. Let me tell you something. If your diet is so   
bad that you are causing global warming... just stay out of   
Taco Bell." 
--- Jay Leno   


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A guy and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when   
he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.   
The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over 11   
years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of   
them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a   
decade ago.   

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" the man   
asked.   

"Not very likely," his wife said.   

"It's worth a try," he said, pocketing the ticket. He went   
downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the shoe shop.   

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind   
the counter.   

With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute.   
I'll have to look for these."   

He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.   

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"   

"No kidding?" the customer called back. "That's terrific!   
Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this   
time."   

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.   

"They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.   



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A major research institution has recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-
like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.




Click on the picture for the large version
Who's Got The Salt and Pepper ?

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Ellen Wermeling, 32, Houston, TX 

Texas School Cosellor jailed for
Repeatedly Having Sex With Student

Ellen Wermeling, a 32-year-old counselor at Aldine MacArthur 
High School, has been charged with repeatedly having sex 
with a student.

According to police, an investigation was launched after the 
student told a school staff member that he and Wermeling had 
engaged in sex on multiple occasions.

Investigators say the student contacted Wermeling through 
her Instagram account on Feb. 28 and she agreed to pick him 
up so they could "hang out" at her residence.

It was there Wermeling and the student watched a movie and 
then engaged in sexual intercourse. The teen told detectives 
that he and Wermeling also had sex at her residence on March 
6 and March 8.

During an interview with police, Wermeling stated that she 
never spoke to the teen through her Instagram account. She 
reportedly closed her Instagram account on March 25, the 
same day she was contacted about the allegations.

Wermeling also denied that the teen had ever been to her 
residence.

Wermeling was booked into jail and charged with improper 
relationship between educator and student. She was released 
after posting a $10,000 bond.
________
I can't understand why a cute woman like that would mess
with a yappy student and wreck her career.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: How to change the Gmail password

I cannot find a way to change my GMail password.  Do you 
know how to, or where I can get the info?  
Hope the Aspercreme helps!   
Carol T

Dear Carol 
Go to accounts.google.com 
 EditPasswd. 
Type your current password and your new password. 
Hit Change password. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Aluminum Foil for Sealing Glue
Use a small piece of aluminum foil to cover the tip 
opening and screw back the cap of the glue.

By singkp [1]

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Sandie for this:
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, 
they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes 
my taxes to those, who don't work.

In order to get that paycheck. I am required to pass a 
random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my 
taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. 
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, 
because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people
get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a 
problem with helping someone sit on their butt forever. 

Can you imagine how much money the state would save, 
if people had to pass a urine test to get a public 
assistance check ?


"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
--------
"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."
--------
"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear
 and out the other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."
---------
"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"
---------
"I have changed! my mind."
Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"
---------
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?



» Pan Am




Today in 
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes 
 which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots.
1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen.
1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to 
 South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland. 
 The act prohibited trade with any country other than Britain 
 and Ireland.
1782 Washington, NC, was incorporated as the first town to be 
 named for George Washington.
1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion 
 to Catholics.
1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed.
1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a 
 westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO.
1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter 
 surrenders to Confederates.
1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents 
 a bushel by Samuel Ramsay.
1919 British forces killed hundreds of Indian nationalists 
 in the Amritsar Massacre.
1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by 
 Lord Clydesdale.
1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia.
1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops.
1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that 
 cortizone was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis.
1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting 
 for Communists.
1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's orbit.
1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to apartheid.
1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price 
 increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying 
 pressure against the price increases.

1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a 
 planned moon landing.
1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended 
 after 101 hours.
1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to 
 El Salvador without congressional approval.
1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the 
 World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish 
 officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously 
 blamed the massacre on the Nazis.
1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural 
 birth to a healthy baby lamb.
2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded 
 when grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas 
 near Jammu-Kashir.
2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned 
 a day after taking office. Thousands of protesters had 
 supported Hugo Chavez. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, April 12.

I dumped the Naproxen. Seems I am allergic to it.
Ibuprofen + Tylenol seems to help, though something is 
still making me dizzy.
For the back, Moe in California suggested Aspercreme
and have a girlfriend smear it on my back.
Went to the drugstore, and they had it on the shelf.
Have not found a girlfriend, but was able to reach 
most of the affected areas myself. It does seem 
to help!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Utah woman jailed after burning bacon extra crispy while 
attempting to burn down ex-boyfriend's home
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator 
 to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from 
 Cape Canaveral, FL.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
--- Jane Caminos 

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; 
wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.
--- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked   
by, and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed   
that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was   
unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.   

"You're going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I   
warned him.   

As he yanked it up to look, the case burst open. 
He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes 
as he gasped, "How on earth did you do that?" 



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing   
students from Southern California. After chatting them   
up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the   
service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the   
girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they   
told us how sweet that was.   

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sen-   
tence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the   
girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."

We never did tell them the truth.




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Cameo Crispi, 31, Naples, Utah

Utah woman jailed after burning bacon 
extra crispy while attempting to burn 
down ex-boyfriend's home

Cameo Crispi, a 31-year-old Utah woman, was jailed Wednesday 
after she allegedly tried to set fire to her ex-boyfriends 
home with a pound of burning bacon.

According to Naples police, officers were contacted by 
Crispi's ex-boyfriend on March 14 after she allegedly 
harassed him with repeated phone calls and text messages.  
The man told police that he wanted the calls to stop and 
didn't want Crispi to be inside his home.

Officers were then dispatched to the man's home on suspicion 
that she might be at the ex-boyfriend's residence against 
his wishes.

Investigators say officers arrived at the man's home to find 
smoke pouring through the front door and an intoxicated 
Cameo Crispi inside.

The officer entered the home and found a wood burning stove 
with a fire burning inside and several hot coals laying on 
the floor outside of the stove.

In the kitchen the officer found a cookie sheet loaded with 
a pound of bacon sitting on top of the kitchen stove. The 
officer noted that the burner was set to "high" and that 
the bacon was "severely burned and smoking badly."

The officer shut down both stoves, arrested Crispi and 
then transported her to a local hospital to receive a 
medical clearance before taking her to jail. When a doctor 
at the hospital asked Crispi about what had transpired at 
the residence, Crispi allegedly stated that she was 
attempting to start a fire in the house to get back at 
her ex-boyfriend, according to the arrest affidavit.

Crispi was booked into the Uintah County Jail and charged 
with arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering 
with an arresting officer, electronic communication 
harassment and intoxication. She is expected back in 
court on April 14.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: 
Re: 

No Questsion


No Answer


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repurpose Waste Water
I live in the desert. Water is like gold, but is wasted 
more times than I care to mention. Here's some insight on 
how I "repurpose" water. Remember that you are paying for 
every drop that comes out of your faucet. Why not recycle 
it? I keep a plastic rectangle container (from the dollar 
store) on one side of my kitchen sink. When I am waiting 
for the water to heat, it goes into the container. I wash 
my hands over the container too. I use this water for 
everything and anything!

If I'm washing clothes that day, it goes in the washer. 
If I'm mopping my floor, it goes into the mop bucket. 
If my plants outside need a drink, it goes into my garden 
(remember soapy water does not hurt plants). If you keep 
the container nice and clean (sanitary) you can fill your 
ice cube trays (if you still use those). You can make drinks 
that call for water (Kool Aid, frozen juices, etc). You can 
even flush the toilet with water you have saved. These may 
not be convenient to do, it does take some effort, but you 
will notice the reward on your next water bill. Make a 
conscious effort and you can lower your water bill. I also 
have ways of cutting down on electric and gas! 

By Tank [1]

If you are renting, then you can't do this, but if it is 
your own home, then you can divert ALL your grey water
to a barrel in the garden. Plants love shower and bath
water just as much as used dish washing water.

The only water, that needs to go through your septic 
system first is brown water.

If water is really expensive, consider a "peatmoss throne".
They look goofy, but they work really well. I used one in 
the Yukon for many years. Instead of a 5 Gallon flush, 
you use a cup of peatmoss and crank the handle once.
And at the end of the month you got a drawer full of 
garden ready compost fertilizer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From jean
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I 
heard my wife's voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, sweetheart? 
Chicken, beef or lamb?”

I said, “Why thank you, I’ll have chicken!"

She replied, "You're having soup Dear. 
I was talking to the cat."


A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 
1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, 
and yelled, " Who in here has been sleeping with my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, 
"You need a lot more ammo."
 


» Woodies




Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne.
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople.
1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag.
1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against 
 the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of 
 Saints, off Dominica.
1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine.
1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment, 
 Washington.
1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe.
1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting 
 America's Civil War.
1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort 
 Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops 
 there.
1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the U.S. 
 to use voting machines.
1905 The Hippodrome opened in New York City.
1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris 
 flight in three hours and 56 minutes.
1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed 
 at Parrel, Mexico.
1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting 
 rights.
1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a 
 marriage license was enacted in New York.
1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin 
 the strategic bombing of Japan.
1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, 
 the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced.
1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation 
 Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk 
 was "safe, effective and potent."
1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to 
 orbit the Earth.
1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil 
 rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL.
1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around 
 the Falkland Islands.
1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the first 
 satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max satellite 
 to space.
1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the previous 
 evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers were rescued and 
 2 of the hijackers were killed.
1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator 
 to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from 
 Cape Canaveral, FL.
1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to 
 settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co.
1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered 
 mouse. It was the first patent for a life form.
1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first time 
 since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar shortage.
1992 Disneyland Paris opened in Marne-La-Vallee, France.
1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and Herzegovina.
2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in 
 Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" 
 heroin ring.
2000 Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree murder 
 and was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had 
 repeatedly run over Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998 
 with his car after the two had an argument.
2002 It was announced that the South African version of 
 "Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that 
 was HIV-positive.
2002 JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell 
 to start the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as 
 part of the company's centennial celebrations. James Cash 
 (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store on April 14, 1902. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 10.

Yesterday evening I had some sortof diabetic malfunction.
I was hot and sweating, yet my skin was cold and wet. 
So I decided to have a short nap and let it straighten
out. Woke up 2 hours later, (I had expected to wake up in
45 minuts) with terrible lower back pain.
Went tothekitchen for some coffee, and remember hearing 
clattering down on the floor.

I didn't break anything important, because nything 
important is on a high shelf.
However, I was very disoriented and dizzy in addition to
the backache, and it took me ten minutes to get up.

Tried to call Barb, my friend and former secretary.
Wrong area code.

Staggered to my computer and sat down. Remembered her 
correct number and called her. She showed up in  a minute.
I checked blood sugar: 4.6. Low record for me. So I ate
some Dextrose tablets.

Then Barb called 911. Five minuteslaterthe EMTs were here.

They did a full 16 point EKG and hemmed and hawed over the 
print-out but finally admitted that the heart was OK.
Blood pressure was very low, but not catastrophic. Sugar 
was now very high, due to the dextrose tablets.
They were stumped and suggested hauling me to the hospital.

At the hospital they repeated all those tests and added soms
blood analysis. White blood cell count was very high, I was d
dehydrated, but they had no clue why. 
So they decided to keep me in triage overnight, on a very 
narrow and uncomfortable "bed".

By mid mornin they still did not have a clue as to what was
causing it, but noticed that the triangle muscle pack in my
lower back was all cramped up.

So they prescribed Naproxen 375 mg, and told me to get it 
from the drugstore. It would not alleviate the pain, but 
if it was caused by some inflammation, it would reduce that.
And not to take Aspirin alongside it.

Well, I have never seen an inflammation come on THAT suddenly,
but Barb drove me to the drugstore and I got that medicine
anyway. 

So far it has not made a diffeence, and sittinge at the 
computer is very painful.

I took Copper fora walk. That was a dumb idea. His excited
bouncing around would have been good for a normal twisted
or "put out" back, but sure was not good for what I got now.

I wonder if I could take a muscle relaxerlike Ibuprofen
alongside the Naproxen. If any one of you know, please 
tell me as soon as possible!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Utah woman jailed after burning bacon extra crispy while 
attempting to burn down ex-boyfriend's home
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
--- Jane Caminos 

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; 
wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit.
--- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked   
by, and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed   
that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was   
unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.   

"You're going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I   
warned him.   

As he yanked it up to look, the case burst open. 
He stared at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as 
he gasped, "How on earth did you do that?" 



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing   
students from Southern California. After chatting them   
up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the   
service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the   
girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they   
told us how sweet that was.   

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sen-   
tence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the   
girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."

We never did tell them the truth.




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Cameo Crispi, 31, Naples, Utah

Utah woman jailed after burning bacon 
extra crispy while attempting to burn 
down ex-boyfriend's home

Cameo Crispi, a 31-year-old Utah woman, was jailed Wednesday 
after she allegedly tried to set fire to her ex-boyfriends 
home with a pound of burning bacon.

According to Naples police, officers were contacted by 
Crispi's ex-boyfriend on March 14 after she allegedly 
harassed him with repeated phone calls and text messages.  
The man told police that he wanted the calls to stop and 
didn't want Crispi to be inside his home.

Officers were then dispatched to the man's home on suspicion 
that she might be at the ex-boyfriend's residence against 
his wishes.

Investigators say officers arrived at the man's home to find 
smoke pouring through the front door and an intoxicated 
Cameo Crispi inside.

The officer entered the home and found a wood burning stove 
with a fire burning inside and several hot coals laying on 
the floor outside of the stove.

In the kitchen the officer found a cookie sheet loaded with 
a pound of bacon sitting on top of the kitchen stove. The 
officer noted that the burner was set to "high" and that 
the bacon was "severely burned and smoking badly."

The officer shut down both stoves, arrested Crispi and 
then transported her to a local hospital to receive a 
medical clearance before taking her to jail. When a doctor 
at the hospital asked Crispi about what had transpired at 
the residence, Crispi allegedly stated that she was 
attempting to start a fire in the house to get back at 
her ex-boyfriend, according to the arrest affidavit.

Crispi was booked into the Uintah County Jail and charged 
with arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering 
with an arresting officer, electronic communication 
harassment and intoxication. She is expected back in 
court on April 14.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Dani
Re: Is it time to panic about XP?

Dear Webby, 
What will happen when Microsoft stops supporting Windows XP?
My computer is 9 years and working great.  Will I have to 
purchase a new computer with Microsoft 8??   
Please tell me no!! 
Is it possible to still an XP and if so where?

Should I be backing up or saving specific information other 
than the normal things?   
Thank you so much. 
Dani

Dear Dani
Nothing will happen when Microsoft stops supporting XP,
just like nothing happened whenever you needed support 
in the last 9 years.

There are billions of XP machines in use in industry and 
commerce, and nobody is rushing out to get W7 or W8 machines.
They are generally considered cutesy crap and not really 
suitable for work. 

W7 and W8 are an incentive to finally switch to Linux, and 
a lot of industry and commerce are doing just that, whenever 
an XP machine dies of old age.

However, they are not letting Microsoft stampeding them or 
getting worried about an April deadline.
They never call Microsoft for support anyway.

Exactly the same as those Billions of XP machines in industry 
and commerce all over the world, your machine will continue 
to run until the drives or the motherboard die of old age.

By then you have hopefully gotten used to Opne Office and 
Thunderbird and GIMP.
Those programs are equivalents to Microsoft Office, 
Windows Live Mail, and Photoshop, except that they are free, 
and work exactly the same on Windows as on Linux. That way, 
when the time comes to upgrade, you are  already used to 
the programs you work with.

Also hang around on some Linux forums and get familiar with 
the slang they use. Just lurk and observe and get to know 
the gals and guys, and find one, who might be a good mentor 
for you. 

It's no big deal, if you slowly prepare for the upgrade.
You can even run Linux from a "Live CD", while you still have 
Windows on the computer. 

W7 can be made usable for work, but it takes some doing.
It's strength is in easy networking, connecting to networks
and letting networks connect to W7 machines. However, they
shuffled everything around. The gas pedal is now in the 
ashtray and the shift lever is in the glove compartment.
Eventually you might find all the stuff, but it takes time,
and by then you will thoroughly hate W7. W8 is even worse.

W8 is great for automatically connecting to everything from
your and your neighbor's phone to tablets and garage door
openers, but to find what you need to get some work done
apparently is a nightmare. 
Personally, I have managed to avoid it.

It is a lot easier to slide onto Linux, and you don't need
a new and powerful machine with Linux. Just prepare and don't
worry about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Mesh Bags for Dishwashing Small Items
I save the mesh bags from produce items, such as onions and s
hallots, the finer the mesh the better. Make sure there are no 
holes in the bag, other than those already in the mesh fabric. 
Cut off the ends of the bag to form a tube shape. Place a rubber 
band tightly at one end. Place small items that would fly around 
during the dishwasher cycle. Close the other open end with another 
rubber band, again, wound tightly. Put the mesh bag in an area 
of the dishwasher, preferably the top rack in a spot where the 
bag will stay put. Run your dishwasher, and voila! The small 
items will be clean, and the bag will be re-usable. Keep in mind 
to make certain the items you plan to wash are dishwasher safe.

By Lise Sokoloski T.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking 
his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from 
bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to 
discourage the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you 
don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to 
blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw 
a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old 
considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her 
saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."


A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the 
service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a 
man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. 
"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it 
up, like the preacher said: '4 better, 4 worse, 4 poorer, 
4 richer.'"
-------------
I have done all except the "4 richer".
Wonder what I should do to attract those?
 


» Calico Cats




Today in 
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces 
 at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia.
1790 The U.S. patent system was established.
1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered 
 Bavaria.
1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the 
 British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication 
 and exile to Elba.
1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii.
1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights 
 for $100.
1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in 
 Georgia along the Tybee River.
1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender.
1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England.
1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was 
 killed by government troops.
1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby"
1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced.
1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany 
 with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 
 13 million votes.
1938 Germany annexed Austria after Austrians had voted in 
 a referundum to merge with Germany.
1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to 
 prevent Nazi infiltration.
1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to 
 recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative 
 for its workers.
1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans.
1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers 
 near Berlin.
1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner 
 Michiko Shoda.
1960 The U.S. Senate passed the Civil Rights Bill.
1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS 
 Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA.
1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland 
 with General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam.
1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000 people.
1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other nations 
 in signing an agreement banning biological warfare.
1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed while 
 attempting to land at Basel.
1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between 
 Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969.
1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to 
 the British Parliament.
1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of 
 Nicaraguan harbors.
1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by 
 Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut.
1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time 
 on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim 
 town of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. safe area.
1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have 
 outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their 
 late stages.
1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British 
 ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended.
1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese 
 dissidents and human rights activists to promote their 
 campaign for democracy in China.
2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted 
 suicide for patients with unbearable, terminal illness.
2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's 
 Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional appointees 
 and assumed all governance in the country.
2014  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1808 )

---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 8.

Thanks to Anna for sending the link to Earth from the 
space station at night. The video is speeded up to show
about one shot per minute smoothly. There are lots of northern
lights sequences in there too. Earth from space  
There are probebly a years worth of pictures in that 
compilation. Don't worry, they are all night shots and don't 
show what you do in the back yard or i the bushes down by
the river.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an 
Oregon drunk wearing a "Drunk As Shit" t-shirt, 
who was arrested for drunk driving 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise 
which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of 
civilized taste.
--- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Trisha is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly
plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister
accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage
nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted
out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information,
her sister leaned over to her.
"Trisha," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles
shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!"

Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her,
"You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you
know."

"I know," said the child, "but the store is full of
mothers."


Thanks to DiAnna Lee for sending this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
Falcon nesting in a tree

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Brian McCurren, South Bend, Ind.

Oregon drunk wearing a "Drunk As Shit" 
t-shirt is arrested for drunk driving 

An Oregon motorist wearing a “Drunk As Shit” t-shirt was 
arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge.

Ross McMakin, a 21-year-old Corvalis resident, was collared 
after he drove his vehicle on the sidewalk, struck a parked 
car, and then assaulted his girlfriend when she tried to 
seize the car keys.

According to cops, McMakin, seen in the above mug shot, 
was behind the wheel because his girlfriend did not know 
how to drive a stick shift.  

McMakin was charged with an assortment of crimes, including 
drunk driving, reckless endangerment, harassment, and 
strangulation (for throttling his girlfriend).

Since he will be doing that again, she better take up body
building to get a thick neck, and learn karate!

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Dani
Re: Is it time to panic about XP?

Dear Webby, 
What will happen when Microsoft stops supporting Windows XP?
My computer is 9 years and working great.  Will I have to 
purchase a new computer with Microsoft 8??   
Please tell me no!! 
Is it possible to still an XP and if so where?

Should I be backing up or saving specific information other 
than the normal things?   
Thank you so much. 
Dani

Dear Dani
Nothing will happen when Microsoft stops supporting XP,
just like nothing happened whenever you needed support 
in the last 9 years.

There are billions of XP machines in use in industry and 
commerce, and nobody is rushing out to get W7 or W8 machines.
They are generally considered cutesy crap and not really 
suitable for work. 

W7 and W8 are an incentive to finally switch to Linux, and 
a lot of industry and commerce are doing just that, whenever 
an XP machine dies of old age.

However, they are not letting Microsoft stampeding them or 
getting worried about an April deadline.
They never call Microsoft for support anyway.

Exactly the same as those Billions of XP machines in industry 
and commerce all over the world, your machine will continue 
to run until the drives or the motherboard die of old age.

By then you have hopefully gotten used to Opne Office and 
Thunderbird and GIMP.
Those programs are equivalents to Microsoft Office, 
Windows Live Mail, and Photoshop, except that they are free, 
and work exactly the same on Windows as on Linux. That way, 
when the time comes to upgrade, you are  already used to 
the programs you work with.

Also hang around on some Linux forums and get familiar with 
the slang they use. Just lurk and observe and get to know 
the gals and guys, and find one, who might be a good mentor 
for you. 

It's no big deal, if you slowly prepare for the upgrade.
You can even run Linux from a "Live CD", while you still have 
Windows on the computer. 

W7 can be made usable for work, but it takes some doing.
It's strength is in easy networking, connecting to networks
and letting networks connect to W7 machines. However, they
shuffled everything around. The gas pedal is now in the 
ashtray and the shift lever is in the glove compartment.
Eventually you might find all the stuff, but it takes time,
and by then you will thoroughly hate W7. W8 is even worse.

W8 is great for automatically connecting to everything from
your and your neighbor's phone to tablets and garage door
openers, but to find what you need to get some work done
apparently is a nightmare. 
Personally, I have managed to avoid it.

It is a lot easier to slide onto Linux, and you don't need
a new and powerful machine with Linux. Just prepare and don't
worry about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sunday Evenings for Shopping
My dear husband has found that it's easy to shop for 
groceries for us on Sunday evenings. Not only that, but 
they seem to have great specials. The flower bouquets of 
the week are marked down to $1 a piece to clear them! 
(and with trimming them and adding the preservative that 
comes along, they last a week or more.) So now I can have 
fresh cut flowers all the time!

By pam munro 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


One evening a man was very impressed with the meat
entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this
in?" he asked.
His wife immediately went into a long explanation about
how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the
same without him, etc.
Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt
her answer with a question of her own, "
What did you ask me?"
She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought
you asked me if I would marry you again!"

As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you
marry me again?"
Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue
sauce."


Here is a Classic from England:
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at
long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask
her the most momentous of all questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a
bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when
one longs for the companionship of another being
 -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol;
whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who
will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will
share one's joys and sorrows."

To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she
responded, "I think its a great idea!
Sure I can help you choose which puppy to buy!"
 


» Calico Cats




Today in 
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain.
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic 
 Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the 
 first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a 
 Protestant state.
1789 The U.S. House of Representatives held its first meeting.
1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left 
 Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians 
 in the Black Hawk War.
1839 The first Intercollegiate Rodeo was held at the 
 Godshall Ranch, Apple Valley, CA.
1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine.
1939 Italy invaded Albania.
1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of 
 Leningrad.
1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a 
 nationwide strike.
1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment 
 in Cuba.
1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the 
 Bhopal disaster.
1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for 
 permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup.
1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA.
1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on 
 political parties.
1992 In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine"
1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. 
 military bases.
2014  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 882 )

---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, April 7.

Thank you, Dr Bill!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 
Notre Dame college student, who went on a booze
and dope fuelled munchie rampage and break-in.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in 
 "True Grit." He had been in over 200 films.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A prose writer gets tired of writing prose, and wants to 
be a poet. So he begins every line with a capital letter, 
and keeps on writing prose.
--- Samuel McChord Crothers

Modern poetry is mostly just bad grammar.
--- Socratex


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Don't You Ever Wonder
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
If con is the opposite of pro, is 
  Congress the opposite of progress?



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting   
around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer   
stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down   
his scorecard and announced, 
"If I wasn't married, 
I'd give this stupid game up!"   


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
Temple in Luxor Egypt

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Brian McCurren, South Bend, Ind.

Notre Dame college student, who went on a booze
and dope fuelled munchie rampage and break-in.

A Notre Dame college student was arrested after breaking 
into a massage parlor, devouring a stockpile of Hot Pockets 
and nearly causing a serious fire.

Brian McCurren, 19, was arrested Sunday morning after police 
say he used a flower pot to break into Therapeutic Indulgence, 
a massage parlor in South Bend, Ind.

Parlor owner Sara Ros Frazier said McCurren crawled through 
the hole he made in a stained glass window.

"Then he grabbed a hammer and pounded his way through a wall 
to get inside," Frazier told WNDU-TV. "It's just so senseless."

McCurren allegedly broke lamps, mirrors, furniture and other 
spa equipment before spraying a fire extinguisher throughout 
the building.

Things got messy in the kitchen.

"He went through half a box of Hot Pockets," she told the 
station. "Macaroni and cheese was warming up in an antique 
style oven and then [he] passed out eating Drumsticks on a 
table where the police found him."

The mac-and-cheese mac out set off the fire alarm, Frazier 
said.

“The police actually pulled it out and threw it in the sink 
because it was so toasted, but he was sleeping through the 
fire alarm and everything. He could have burned the house 
down. Thankfully we had someone coming in here,” she told 
ABC57.com.

Police say McCurren was visibly intoxicated upon being found 
and could not remember how he arrived at the location nor 
what he was doing there.

McCurren was arrested for alleged burglary, vandalism and 
underage consumption. After being brought to the police 
station, he reportedly blew a .106 BAC, Fox28.com reports.

He also allegedly admitted smoking synthetic marijuana to 
police, ABC57.com reports.

He might be too young for drinking in Indiana, but an alcohol 
and break-in record is federal.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Olga
Re: Subject in email address link

Dear Webby,
Everybody starts with "You told us once, but I  forgot 
where I saved that..." Add me to the choir.

I need the trick for adding the subject line and a bit 
of the body into an email link, so that emails coming 
from that link have a consistent subject line, and can 
be easily filtered into a specific mailbox.

AND to eliminate emails from bozos, who ferget to put
anything into the subject line.

Sounds simple enough, now how do I do that?
Thanks
Olga

Dear Olga
I am not going to use any < or >
("less than" or "greater than") signs here, because most
likely your email program will see them as commands and
act on them. You know where to add them. 
I will use { and } instead
 
If you want to have a specific subject in the email, 
you can add it to the html code using 
?subject=....

{a href="mailto:email@olgasdomain.com?subject=Report from Camp"}{/a}

If you want to add part of the body, use &body=   and your text

{a href="mailto:email@olgasdomain.com?subject=Report 
from camp &Body= Contrary to what the National Enquirer wrote,.."}{/a}

Once you put the "less than" or "greater than" signs in, 
it won't look so weird and will make perfect sense.

During the stone age, before I got the MagicList in 1995
for sending the Humor letter, I used to handle subscriptions
manually like that. It works quite well.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Veggies With Water and Vinegar
Whatever you do, don't use anti-bacterial soap! You don't 
want any residue in you, and it's not that good anyway, 
and in time causes resistance in bacteria.

Mostly just water soaking will take care of cleanliness, 
but if you want to be safer from corporate malfeasance, 
1 part vinegar (apple cider is nice) to 4 parts water kills 
many harmful bacteria, according to Cook's among others. 

That assumes you bought non-organic veggies, or maybe even 
organic if from a big distant company, not a local farmer.

Super-perfectionists have been known to spray everything 
first with food grade peroxide (H2O2), wait a few minutes, 
then vinegar. If it's a salad, just leave the vinegar on.

Source: Partly from Cook's Illustrated, but I don't have 
the issue. The rest I've collected over time.

By P from Sacramento, CA 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Dave
We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat   
as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as   
the feature was about to start a yuppie from the center   
of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse   
me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops,   
excuse me."   

By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her   
and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have   
done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud   
whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just   
flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."   


Daffynitions
Abdicate-v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma-n., a valley in California, notable for its 
 heavy smog.

Esplanade-v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly-adj., impotent.

Flabbergasted-adj., appalled over how much weight you 
 have gained.

Negligent-adj., describes a condition in which you 
 absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph-v., to walk with a lisp.

Bustard-n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee-n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence-n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up 
 after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash-n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle-n., a humorous question on an exam.

Semantics-n., pranks conducted by young men studying for 
 the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages 
 of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude-n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a 
 proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster-n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with 
 Yiddish expressions.
 


» Simple Home Fix-It Clues




Today in 
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City.
1798 The territory of Mississippi was organized.
1864 The first camel race in America was held in 
 Sacramento, California.
1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome 
 naval oil reserves in Wyoming.
1927 The first long-distance TV transmission was sent from 
 Washington, DC, to New York City.
1933 Prohibition ended in the United States.
1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi Akarit 
 and El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line against 
 the German army.
1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest 
 battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The fleet 
 was headed for a suicide mission.
1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. 
 It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer.
1957 The last of New York City's electric trolleys completed its 
 final run from Queens to Manhattan.
1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic.
1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of 
 Yugoslavia for life.
1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off 
 the coast of Spain.
1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws 
 prohibiting private possession of obscene material.
1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in 
 "True Grit." He had been in over 200 films.
1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more 
 men from Vietnam by December, thereby ensuring defeat 
 of the USA.
1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and 
 imposed economic sanctions in response to the taking of 
 hostages on November 4, 1979.
1983 Specialist Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the 
 first Space Shuttle spacewalk.
1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on 
 medium-range nuclear missiles.
1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms 
 of a Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops 
 began leaving on May 16, 1988.
1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted 
 on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government.
1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the 
 Norwegian Sea.
1994 Civil war erupted in Rwanda between the Patriotic Front rebel 
 group and government soldiers. Hundreds of thousands were slaughtered 
 in the months that followed.
1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election 
 to serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term.
1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings 
 to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving.
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to 
 Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law and allows 
 senior citizens to earn money without losing Social Security 
 retirement benefits.
2002 The Roman Catholic archdiocese announced that six priests 
 from the Archdiocese of New York were suspended over allegations 
 of sexual misconduct.
2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was sentenced 
 to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings 
 by security forces. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, April 6.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to  Chris Miller,
who, after serving 15 years for armed robbery,
did it again the day after he got out.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1985  William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart 
 recipient to be discharged from the hospital.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, 
 no one can stop 'em.
--- Yogi Berra (1925 - )


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
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When a coworker received a phone call from her daughter,
we heard her exclaim joyfully, "Seven and a half pounds!
I'm so proud!" After she had hung up, I asked, "Boy or girl?"

"Neither," my colleague replied... "Diet."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

"Information. Can I help you?"

"I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please."

"One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no
listing for a Theodore Guild."

"No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater
Guild."

"I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."

"Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*.
 T-H-E-A-T-E-R!"

"That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore."


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture


Click on the picture for the large version
Pyramids of Giza

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Christopher Miller, 40, back in jail

After serving 15 years for armed robbery,
he did it again.

Police say a man walked out of a New Jersey prison after 
serving 15 years for robbing a children's shoe store, 
headed straight back to the same shop and robbed it again. 

In 1999, 25-year-old Christopher Miller was arrested after 
he forced employees into the back room of the Stride Rite 
shoe store on Hooper Avenue in Toms River, tied them up 
and fled with cash.
 
After a 15-year sentence, Miller was released on Friday 
from South Woods State Prison in Bridgeton.
 
Police say Miller, now 40, took a bus from Atlantic City 
to Toms River on Saturday, and went to the same shoe store.
 
Employees tell police that he entered the store and demanded 
cash, telling the workers -- a teenage boy and 43-year-old 
woman -- to go to the back room. They refused.
 
He became agitated, according to police, and took the cash 
register drawer, which had $389.
 
He then took the workers' cell phones and fled on foot.Police 
say he was found a few blocks away, with the cash stashed in 
a gutter and the phones in a garbage can.
 
Toms River Police Chief Mitchell Little says he has to 
wonder whether Miller considers prison life home. 
 
"Maybe that's the only life he knows, and the only thing 
he could think of was going back to the same store and 
doing the same crime again -- getting caught and going 
back where he was taken care of and told what to do and 
getting meals and shelter and everything else," he said. 
 
Police say Miller lists Tulsa, Okla. as his last address. 
His connection to Toms River is not clear.
 
He is charged with robbery and is being held on 
$100,000 bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: HP printer won't stay installed

Dear Webby,
Hey, I've got another question.
 
I've had Microsoft Office 2003 in the past, registered to 
me. When my computer crashed several months ago, I didn't 
have the cd to reinstall. So I used Open Office. However, 
I received a job that really needed MS Office, so I 
contacted the guy who installed, got a cd from him and 
reinstalled it. I'm sure there's some add-ons that I've 
missed and he hasn't responded to my questions just yet.
 
However, I've noticed that since I re-installed MS Office, 
the computer keeps losing my printer, an HP2410. I never 
had this problem before. I bet I've reinstalled that printer 
3-4 times in the last month.
 
Any suggestions?
 
Again, I thank you for your technical omniscience.
 
Noella

Dear Noella
Open Office doesn't really have anything to do with that.
Printers are installed a few layers deeper down, from the 
Control Panel.

UNinstalling all printers and then re-installing that HP 
MIGHT cure the problem. If that doesn't fix it, you'll 
have to call HP or Microsoft.

Unless there have been drastic changes at HP, I doubt that 
their Taliban  would be useful. 
You might get some reasonable help from Microsoft's 1-800. 
Just use Skype on speakers or a speaker-phone, not anything 
you have to hold up to your head.

Considering it is an XP, I would not waste time and call
Microsoft as soon as possible. They have mentoned often 
enough, that they will stop supporting XP this month.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dress Up Box
For kids who like to dress up you can fill up a box of 
dress up items from a thrift shop. Also add some accessories 
from the dollar store. You can also find Halloween reduced 
costumes in stores. For a boy a plastic tool box with a 
handle would be great for his items. Use your imagination 
for decorating the boxes.

By coville123 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A man says to a friend, "I've got a riddle for you. If there 
were three crows on a fence post and I shot one, how many 
would be left?"

Without hesitating, the friend says, "Two left."

"You don't get the point," the man says. "Listen to the 
riddle. There were three crows on a fence post. Then I 
shot one. How many would be left?"

"Two left," the friend says again.

"No," the man says in a superior tone of voice. 
"None would be left, because if I shot one then the 
other two would fly away."

"Isn't that what I've been saying?" the friend says. 
"Two left."


A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced
lady answered.
"What party does your husband belong to?" he asked.

The lady responded curtly, "I sir,
am the party he belongs to."
 


» Stunning Portraits




Today in 
1199  English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the 
 siege of the castle of Chaluz in France.
1652  Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town
1789  The first U.S. Congress began regular sessions at the 
 Federal Hall in New York City.

1814  Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension 
 from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at 
 Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor.
1830  Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon Church 
 in western New York.
1830  Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new 
 low when Mexico would not allow further emigration into Texas 
 by settlers from the U.S.
1862  The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in Tennessee.
1865  At the Battle of Sayler's Creek, a third of Lee's army 
 was cut off by Union troops pursuing him to Appomattox.
1875  Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the 
 multiple telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time.
1896  The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece.
1903  French Army Nationalists were revealed for forging 
 documents to guarantee a conviction for Alfred Dryfus.
1909  Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to 
 be the first men to reach the North Pole.
1916  Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star 
 in the world when he signed a contract with Mutual Film 
 Corporation for $675,000 a year. He was 26 years old.
1917  The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on 
 Germany and entered World War I on the Allied side.
1924  Four planes left Seattle on the first successful 
 flight around the world.
1938  The United States recognized the German conquest of 
 Austria.
1941  German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia.
1953  Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's 
 power be reduced.
1957  Trolley cars in New York City completed final runs.
1965  U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of 
 ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam.
1967  In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri 
 and freed 200 prisoners.
1981  A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports of 
 intense ethnic riots in Kosovo.
1983  The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would 
 give free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation 
 exposure to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in 
 nuclear tests from 1945 to 1962.
1985  William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart 
 recipient to be discharged from the hospital.
1998  Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily 
 tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among 
 high-risk women.
1998  Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles 
 capable of attacking neighboring India. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, April 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Bimbo bragged on Facebook about using "Buzz Killer" 
to beat probation mandated alcohol test.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the 
 largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku 
 and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power.
--- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) 


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There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the
local grocery store.  The manager doesn't know what Junior's
problem is, but the boys like to tease him.  The boys say he
is two bricks short of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel.

To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice
between a nickel and a dime.  He always takes the nickel,
they say, because it's bigger.

One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager
got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are
making fun of you.  They think you don't know the dime is
worth more than the nickel.  Are you grabbing the nickel
because it's bigger, or what?"

Junior said, "No sir, you see, if I took the dime, they'd quit
doing it and giving me free nickels!"



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in
and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

The barman says "Yep, thats them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are
you guys doing?"

Bush answers, "We're planning World War III."

The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Then Powell replies, "Well, we're going to kill 22 million
Iranians this time and one big busted bicycle repair lady
in Seattle."

And the guy exclaimed, "Why a bicycle repair lady?!!!"

So Powell turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you
no-one would worry about the 22 million Iranians!"




Click on the picture for the large version
Great Wall Of China

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Colleen Cudney, 22, Michigan

Michigan woman bragged online about
breaching her DUI probation

A Michigan woman could be heading to jail this week after 
allegedly bragging on Facebook about beating a random 
breathalyzer test.

Colleen Cudney, 22, is not allowed to drink as a condition 
of her probation for a 2012 drunken driving conviction, and 
was called in for the test after St. Patrick's Day, 
according to Local 4 News.

She passed the test, then boasted on Facebook about 
her "achievement."

"Buzz killer for me, I had to breathalyze this morning and 
I drank yesterday but I passed thank god lol," she allegedly 
posted in a status update that eventually got the attention 
of law enforcement.

Cudney was called in for another test -- a urine test, 
which could detect the consumption of alcohol from up to 
80 hours previously -- but reportedly hung up,
another probation violation.

She's due in court on Tuesday and is facing 93 days in jail. 

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Rosemary
Re: Inkjet or laser printer

Dear Webby,
At what point should one buy a laser printer instead of an
inkjet printer?
Rosemary

Dear Rosemary
When you can afford a Laser printer.
The cheapest Laser is better than the most expensive inkjet.
Lasers have really come down in price, especially Black and
White ones.

Sure, you get free some inkjets for subscribing to kitchen
or make-up magazines, but they really get you with the ink
and the automatic renewal on those magazines.
Resist the temptation and get a laser printer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dress Up Box
For kids who like to dress up you can fill up a box of 
dress up items from a thrift shop. Also add some accessories 
from the dollar store. You can also find Halloween reduced 
costumes in stores. For a boy a plastic tool box with a 
handle would be great for his items. Use your imagination 
for decorating the boxes.

By coville123 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He
explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you
to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo.
I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo."

The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was
furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before
hustling off to purchase a return ticket.

After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you
stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?"

"That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard
the guy whom I chucked out into the rain in Buffalo!"


Abe is a new arrival at a retirement community, and is
passing the morning sunning himself on a bench near the
garden.  Becky is out for her morning constitutional, spies
Abe, and says "Do you mind?"

"Not at all" Abe says, so Becky sits down on the opposite
end of his bench.

"So, you're new here" says Becky.

"Yes" Abe nods.

"So, where are you from?" asks Becky.

"Washington" Abe answers.

"The state or the capitol?" asks Becky.

"The state" replies Abe.

"So how old are you ? asks Becky.

"I'll be 62 in October.". Abe replies

"What did you do in Washington?" asks Becky.

"I was in prison" Abe says.

"Really!" says Becky, "what did you do?"

"My wife was always asking stupid questions, so I chopped
her up and put her down the garbage disposal" he says.

"Sooo," purrs Becky, "you're single?"
 


» CardStacker




Today in 
1242 Russian troops repelled an invasion attempt by the 
 Teutonic Knights.
1614 American Indian Pocahontas married English colonist 
 John Rolfe in Virginia.
1621 The Mayflower sailed from Plymouth, MA, on a return 
 trip to England.
1806 Isaac Quintard patented the cider mill.
1843 Queen Victoria proclaimed Hong Kong to be a British 
 crown colony.
1908 The Japanese Army reached the Yalu River as the 
 Russians retreated.
1923 Firestone Tire and Rubber Company began the first 
 regular production of balloon tires.
1930 Mahatma Ghandi defied British law by making salt in India.
1941 German commandos secured docks along the Danube River in 
 preparation for Germany’s invasion of the Balkans.
1951 Americans Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death 
 for committing espionage for the Soviet Union.
1955 Winston Churchill resigned as British prime minister.
1986 A discotheque in Berlin was bombed by Libyan terrorists. 
 The U.S. attacked Libya with warplanes in retaliation on 
 April 15, 1986.
1998 The Akashi Kaikyo Bridge in Japan opened becoming the 
 largest suspension bridge in the world. It links Shikoku 
 and Honshu. The bridge cost about $3.8 billion.
1999 Two Libyans suspected of bombing a Pan Am jet in 1988 
 were handed over so they could be flown to the Netherlands 
 for trial. 270 people were killed in the bombing.
2004 Near Mexico City's international airport, lightning 
 struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on.
2009 North Korea launched the Kwangmyongsong-2 rocket, 
 prompting an emergency meeting of the United Nations 
 Security Council. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, April 4.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Las Vegas masseuse, who stole client's $35G 
Rolex by hiding in it inside her vagina
Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/l ... z2xsnX5Nst

Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in 
 North America was climbed.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work 
the more I have of it.
--- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
--- Bill Watterson (1958 - ),


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief
sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by
the chair lift.

He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it
refused to cover his injury.

"Why is the injury not covered?" he asked.

"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance 
rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that 
a pre-existing condition."


Thanks to Betty for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
Frozen bicycle cop

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Christina Lafave, 25, Las Vegas, NV

Las Vegas masseuse, who stole client's $35G 
Rolex by hiding in it inside her vagina

 A Las Vegas masseuse stole a client's $35,000 Rolex and 
hid it inside her vagina, police said.

Christina Lafave, 25, allegedly pinched the valuable watch 
whilst giving a relaxing $300 rubdown to Kenneth Herold, 66, 
at the Wynn Hotel.

The pair reportedly met in the hotel's bar in the early hours 
of the morning, and headed up to his private room soon after.

Herold claims that he undressed and got onto a massage table 
in his suite. Some 30 minutes into the session, he says 
Lafave asked him to remove his watch so she could work on 
his arms.

Putting the watch on the floor where he could see it, he 
realized around five minutes later that it had gone.

Herold accused Lafave - who has Metro-issued work cards 
allowing her to dance at Cheetahs, Cover Girls and Babes 
strip clubs - of stealing the watch and called hotel security. 

Cops arrived and searched the room, but could not find the 
ticker.

Lafave got combative and tried to get away, but hotel 
security handcuffed and restrained her. Eventually she 
admitted to stealing the watch, and to stashing it 
inside her vagina.

Officers got a search warrant and took her to University 
Medical Center, where the watch was removed.

"Prior to medical staff assisting Lafave with the removal 
of the watch she admitted to them that she had stolen a 
watch and concealed the item in her vagina," a police 
report said.

Lafave was arrested and faces felony charges grand larceny 
and possession of stolen property. She was released on 
$40,000 bail. 

Her lawyer, Chris Rasmussen, told the Review Journal that 
she plans on fighting the case, claiming illegal 
search-and-seizure.
"We intend to file a motion to suppress the medical 
intrusion," he said. "The search is an unreasonable search 
when medical providers have to use equipment to conduct an 
invasive procedure to remove what police believe is 
evidence," he added.

Lafave will appear before in court on May 15. 
She faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Eddie
Re: Copyright Character

Dear Webby,
about once or twice a year somebody asks you how to make
the Copyright character. When you tell them, I nod and
think that is easy to remember. 
Well, I fergot.
Can you tell us again, please?
Eddie

Dear Eddie
Turn on your numeric keypad, so that you can type numbers 
with it, then hold down the ALT key, and type,
on the numeric keypad, 169
and let go of the ALT key.

If you are on a laptop with embedded numeric keypad 
instead of a real one on the side, borrow a real 
keyboard and plug it into a USB port, and use that.

If you can't borrow a real keyboard, copy it from here:
©

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Ahead
A lot of time cooking is spent waiting around for one thing
or another to get done. Water needs to boil or the oven
needs to heat up. Start working on tomorrow's meal with
this time. Freeze or refrigerate prepped ingredients.
You will appreciate the head start.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given   
an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where   
my family came from." The purpose was to understand your   
genealogy.   

I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the   
dining room table one night,   

"Grandma, where did I come from?"   

I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-   
law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned   
home, "Well, honey, the stork brought you."   

"Where did Mom come from then?"   

"The stork brought her, too."   

"OK, then.... where did you come from?"   

"The stork brought me too, dear."   

"Okay, thanks, Grandma."   

I did not think anything more about it until two days later   
when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence   
of her paper... "For three generations there have been no   
natural births in our family. We all got dumped by some
stork, and he's not talking."  


FIVE THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:   

5. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."   

4. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in   
the Time management course you sent me to."   

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably   
got here just in time."   

2. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards   
when you put your ear down real close?"   

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING   
AT YOUR DESK:   

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen."   



» Tree Houses




Today in 
0896 - Formosus ended his reign as pope.
1541 - Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general 
 of the Jesuits.
1581 - Francis Drake completed the circumnavigation of the world.
1687 - King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence 
 be read in church.
1812 - The territory of Orleans became the 18th U.S. state and 
 became known as Louisiana.
1818 - The U.S. flag was declared to have 13 red and white stripes 
 and 20 stars and that a new star would be added for the each 
 new state.
1850 - The city of Los Angeles was incorporated.
1902 - British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in 
 his will that would provide scholarships for Americans to 
 Oxford University in England.
1905 - In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people.
1914 - The first known serialized moving picture opened in 
 New York City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline".
1917 - The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I 
 on the Allied side.
1932 - After five years of research, professor C.G. King, 
 of the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C.
1945 - Hungary was liberated from Nazi occupation.
1945 - During World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi 
 death camp Ohrdruf in Germany.
1949 - Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO).
1967 - The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam.
1967 - Johnny Carson quit "The Tonight Show." He returned 
 three weeks later after getting a raise of $30,000 a week.
1968 - Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39.
1969 - Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary 
 artificial heart.
1971 - Veterans stadium in Philadelphia, PA, was dedicated 
 this day.
1975 - More than 130 people, most of them children, were 
 killed when a U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating 
 Vietnamese orphans crashed just after takeoff from Saigon.
1979 - Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was 
 executed. He had been convicted of conspiring to murder 
 a political opponent.
1981 - Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American 
 elected mayor of a major U.S. city, which was 
 San Antonio, TX.
1984 - U.S. President Reagan proposed an international 
 ban on chemical weapons.
1986 - Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th 
 point of the season.
1987 - The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping 
 a U.S. Embassy.
1988 - Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office 
 by the Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting 
 state funds to his auto business and of trying to impede an 
 investigation into a death threat to a grand jury witness.
1994 - Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) 
 was founded.
1999 - The Colorado Rockies and the San Diego Padres played 
 the first major league season opener to be held in Mexico. 
 The Rockies beat the Padres 8-2. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, April 3.

Snow has gone from the roofs and all the busier streets,
that have been salted. You can almost smell spring 
in the air!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois man jailed for ignoring child's broken leg to 
play Grand Theft Auto
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in 
 North America was climbed.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
--- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972)

God help those who do not help themselves.
--- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) 


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

 Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and 
says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the 
men that dominated their women on earth and the other line 
for the men that were dominated by their women. 
Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women 
are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that 
were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the 
line of men that dominated their women, there was only 
one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of 
yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all 
whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons 
that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell 
them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in 
this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to 
stand here."



Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Thanks to Dave for this confession:
The first prayer I ever learned was
"God is great, God is good,
let us thank him for this food".

Unfortunately, I had also just learned the patty-cake poem.
Picture it! A quiet Sunday dinner -- The family asks the
youngest child to say grace.
He is nervous -- but manages to pray:
"God is great, God is good,
roll him roll him, throw him in the pan".
Oops!




Click on the picture for the large version
Snow on my garage roof has melted and built an icicle on 
the fence. During summer it waters my neighbor's 
choke-cherry bush.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Luis Matienzo, 19, Chicago, Illinois

Illinois man jailed for ignoring child's 
broken leg to play Grand Theft Auto

From the Weekly Vice
Luis Matienzo, a 19-year-old Illinois man, was jailed Sunday 
after he allegedly played a video game for hours while his 
2-year-old stepson cried out in pain from a broken leg.

According to police, Matienzo was watching his 2-year-old 
stepson when the child suffered a broken right femur while 
playing inside a playpen at the home.

Matienzo allegedly played the video game "Grand Theft Auto V" 
for two and a half hours "while knowing that the child was 
injured with a leg injury, later found to be a broken right 
leg," according to the arrest affidavit.

Investigators say Matienzo later admitted to knowing that 
the child was injured, but left the boy in his play pen 
crying because he didn't want to stop playing the video 
game.

He eventually stopped playing when it was time to pick 
up his wife. That's when the child was brought to a local 
hospital for medical care.

Matienzo was booked into jail and charged with misdemeanor 
child endangerment.
The report did not state how the kid's femur was broken.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Yana
Re: Windows Logo key

Dear Webby,
You told us about Logo + D, and I got that to work.
What other logo key combos ar there? Are they any good?
Yana

Dear Yana
There are quite a few more, but they seem to have been made
when junior programmers were ordered to come up with some
sort of equivalent of the Apple key on Mac keyboards, to
give SOME excuse for that extra key.
Manufacturers had refused to leave out a key for Windows 
keyboards, but were quite willing to print a Windows logo
on it instead of an apple. 

Here are the few combos, that are worth remembering:
Just the logo: Open the start menu
Logo and PAUSE: System Properties
Logo and D: Minimize all open windows
Logo and D again: Restore windows
Logo and M: Minimize open Windows
Logo key + Shift + M: Restore windows
Logo key and F: search for a file or folder

There are more, but I doubt that you will even bother 
to try them out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sand And Vinegar For the Inside of Bottles 
I have used a couple of different methods for cleaning 
bottles or other hard to reach items. The first one is 
filling the object with straight, plain vinegar and 
letting it sit for a day or two. If this does not work 
then add a bit of sand to the vinegar and shake it 
really well, repeatedly. 

If this does not work, I have used denture cleaning 
tablets. I break one into small enough pieces to drop 
them into the object being cleaned. Then add warm 
water and let sit. If it does not get cleaned on the 
first try then I repeat the process. Both of these 
methods have worked successfully for me on many 
different items, such as narrow necked bottles, salt 
and pepper shakers, vases, etc.

By Wylie from Mora, MN 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A neighbor who is always borrowing tools approaches the
house next door one Saturday morning.

"He won't get away with it this time," the homeowner tells
wife. "Watch this," he says, as he opens the door to greet
the neighbor.

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power saw this morning?"
the neighbor asks.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," the man says, with a smug look,
"but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," says the neighbor, "you won't be using your
golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?"


Consider the case of Frederick II, an 18th-century king of
Prussia. Frederick fancied himself an enlightened monarch,
and in some respects he was. On one occasion, he is
supposed to have interested himself in the conditions of a
Berlin prison. He was escorted through it so that he might
speak to the prisoners.

One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before
him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their
utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against
them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.

"You," he called. "You, there!"

The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have
him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid
innocent people who occupy it."



» Tree Houses




Today in 
1776 George Washington received an honorary Doctor of Laws 
 degree from Harvard College .
1829 James Carrington patented the coffee mill.
1860 The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and 
 Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. 
 The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half.
1882 The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back 
 and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was 
 later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James 
 that had been killed.
1910 Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in 
 North America was climbed.
1936 Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping 
 and death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh.
1942 The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. 
 and Filipino troops at Bataan.
1948 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan 
 to revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 
 16 countries.
1967 The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be 
 brainwashing American prisoners.
1985 The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva 
 Convention by deporting Shiite prisoners.
1986 The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion.
1996 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested.
 He pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber 
 attacks in exchange for a life sentence without 
 chance for parole.
2010 The Wi-Fi version of the Apple iPad went on sale. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, April 2.

Nice sunshine today! Walked downtown to the pharmacy and
back. No puddles, but the sunshine and the wind are 
evaporating the snow quite nicely. The wind is hauling
it to the East. The roofs are bare now, and some of 
the roads too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk CT woman jailed for driving car into store 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. 
 More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church 
 when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Communication works for those who work at it."
--- John Powell


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Donna came into her doctor's office and
confessed to an embarrassing problem.

"I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're
soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since
I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty
times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Donna. Take these
pills three times a day for seven days and come
back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Donna marched into
Dr. Johnson's office.
"Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills,
but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as
much, but now they smell terrible! What do
you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Donna," said the doctor
soothingly. "Now that we've fixed
your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
 


Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a
college advertising and marketing class.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly
the friendly skies'?"
"United." Joe answered.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan,
"Don't leave home without it?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no
difficulty.
"Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just
do it'?"

John answered, "Mom."




Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Rosa Blanca Chavarria-Medina, 31, of Bridgeport, Connecticut 

Drunk CT woman jailed for driving car into store 

From the Huffington Post
A Connecticut woman accused of plowing her car into a 
convenience store at a speed of up to 70 mph and injuring 
four people has been charged with drunken driving and 
other crimes.

Thirty-one-year-old Rosa Blanca Chavarria-Medina of 
Bridgeport was charged Monday with driving under the 
influence and reckless driving, among other things.

Police say Chavarria-Medina was exiting Interstate 95 
in Fairfield on March 24 when her car smashed into five 
vehicles outside a Cumberland Farms store and crashed 
into the storefront. Four people were hospitalized. Police 
say it's lucky none of the injuries was life-threatening.

Authorities say Chavarria-Medina's blood-alcohol level was 
more than three times the legal limit of .08.

Chavarria-Medina posted $5,000 bail.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Anna
Re: Hide all open programs

Dear Webby,
You mentioned a trick once for hiding, not closing,
all open programs to see the icons on the desktop,
or to hide what you really are doing, and then unhide 
them all, when the coast is clear.
What is that trick?
Anna

Dear Anna
Hold down the Windos key, and hit the D (for Desktop),
It will only bring back all your open stuff, if you
don't open anything else before you hhit the same key
combo again. 

It is just a very primitive "Boss" key. If you open some
other program once you see your forest of icons, then that
key combo will just hide that one too, not unhide what it 
hid before. 

Usually it is not a big deal to pull the minimized stuff 
up from the task bar again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humacor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Hair Dryer to Clean Wax Off Brass
Heat the hard wax on the candelabra with a hair dryer. 
Then keep mopping up the wax as it melts.

By shi from Ireland

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague
who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town.

I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can
you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town
knows what everybody else is doing?"

Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper
to see who got caught at it."


The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over
to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the
men who had been chatting her up.  She laughed gaily,
"When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided,
"and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'."

"Ha-ha,"  he laughed, relishing her humor.
"Where do you really live?"

"I'm just visiting here."



» Spring Scapes




Today in 
1513 Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida. 
 The next day he went ashore.
1792 The U.S. Congress passed the Coinage Act
1801 During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was 
 destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen.
1860 The first Italian Parliament met in Turin.
1865 Confederate President Davis and most of his Cabinet 
 fled the Confederate capital of Richmond, VA.
1872 G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered 
 streetcar.
1877 The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the 
 White House in Washington, DC.
1889 Charles Hall patented aluminum.
1905 The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The 
 tunnel went under the Alps and linked Switzerland 
 and Italy.
1910 Karl Harris perfected the process for the 
 artificial synthesis of rubber.
1917 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration 
 of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress.
1935 Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR.
1944 The Soviet Union announced that its troops had 
 crossed the Prut River and entered Romania.
1947 The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the 
 U.S. as trustee for former Japanese-held 
 Pacific Islands.
1960 France signed an agreement with Madagascar that 
 proclaimed the country an independent state within 
 the French community.
1966 South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations 
 at Hue and Da Nang for an end to military rule.
1967 In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated 
 against Mao foe Liu Shao-chi.
1972 Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine.
1982 Argentina invaded the British-owned Falkland Islands. 
 The following June Britain took the islands back.
1984 In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people 
 when they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers.
1986 On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb 
 exploded under a seat killing four Americans.
1987 The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was 
 increased to 65 miles per hour in limited areas.
1992 Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York 
 of murder and racketeering.
1996 Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a 
 political and economic alliance.
1996 Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician 
 at the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity 
 union leader who became Poland's first post-war 
 democratic president.
2002 Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. 
 More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church 
 when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, April 1.

Had 10 inches of fresh snow in the morning
Still snowing lightly out of the orange fog now.
If we get a warm April rain, there will be flooding!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Christopher Reeves, Wearing A Superman 
T-Shirt, Is Arrested For DUI, Meth 
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to 
 physicians by 21%. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





The only paradise is paradise lost.
--- Marcel Proust (1871 - 1922)

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - 
and it's all over much too soon.
--- Woody Allen (1935 - )


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Let's start with a Classic:
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have
decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is
the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail,
replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not
touch the back garden. That is where the dope dealer next
door buries all his dope and money. He might get upset!"

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:
"You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels
to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best
time to plant the vegetables."
 


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from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.

"Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.

"Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes" said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" asked the wife 
after a long pause.

"Well, yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. 

"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let 
her wear my old clothes?" 

"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the ! husband. 

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down 
the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. 
"And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. 
"She's left-handed."


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version
All those mysterious little buds are turning into flowers!
Lillemor

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Christopher Reeves, 33, Davis County, Utah

Christopher Reeves, Wearing A Superman 
T-Shirt, Is Arrested For DUI, Meth 

From the Smoking Gun
A Utah man named Christopher Reeves was wearing a Superman 
t-shirt when arrested early today for methamphetamine 
possession and driving under the influence.

The 33-year-old Reeves (seen in the above mug shot) was 
allegedly speeding and driving erratically around 3 AM 
when Davis County sheriff's deputies pulled over his vehicle.

Reeves, who appeared impaired, was arrested after failing a 
field sobriety test. A subsequent search of his car turned 
up a large bag of meth, drug paraphernalia, and the synthetic 
drug Spice.

Charged with narcotics possession, DUI, and other counts, 
Reeves was booked into the county jail, where he remains 
locked up in lieu of $15,000 bail.

Investigators felt the need to point out that Reeves is not 
related to Christopher Reeve, the late actor who portrayed 
Superman in four movies. Reeves also presumably is not 
related to George Reeves, who played Superman in the 1950s 
TV series “Adventures of Superman.”
He is just a dopey wanna-be.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Lisa
Re: 32 bit or 64 bit?

Dear Webby,
How do I tell if my Windoze is 32 bit or 64 bit?
Does it make any difference except when installing
programs?
Lisa

Dear Lisa
Hold down the Windows key, and hit the PAUSE/BREAK key.
After a while you get a Pop-Up that has that information.
Unfortunately, you can't copy the text on it. Some moron
at Microsoft wanted to be cutesy and deliberately blocked
copying.

You CAN hit ALT plus PRINT SCREEN to copy it as a picture, 
and with CTRL V paste it as a new picture in a graphics 
program. Yes, I know it is klutzy. Tell Microsoft.

If you have a laptop and can't find PAUSE/BREAK, go to my
Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and grab the
Belarc Advisor. Just hit CTRL F and type Belarc to find it.

The Belarc Advisor produces a total inventory, including
that information. It is probably way more than you need, 
but you can copy / paste the info.
The only time you print it out is for insurance inventory
or prior to bringing the machine to a shop for repair.

The difference between 32 bit and 64 bit shows mostly with
games. For browsing, email, word processing and spreadsheet 
work you probably won't be able to tell the difference.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Machine Oil for Squeaky Hinges
A small bottle of machine oil or sewing machine oil is a 
must for your home tool box. The small pointed spout makes 
it perfect for putting a drop or two of oil in tight places. 
Use this to oil hinges. I know there are many home remedies 
for this but why not be organized and buy the little bottle 
of oil? Mayonnaise, salad oil, etc. are not really designed 
for squeaky hinges, even if they work.

By Lilac from Springfield, MA 

Look for a little boottle called "Zoom Spout" at your 
hardware store. It has a long, thin, flexible pipe for
a spout, and can even reach around obstructions. The oil
in it's bottle is a bit thicker than sewing machine oil
and will last a bit longer on hinges.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law 
for Sunday dinner. As he arrived at their house he found 
his young nephew, Mikey, helping them bake some cupcakes.
After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Mikey to 
put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought 
them to the table.

The cupcakes look delicious, Mike's uncle 
said. He took a bite and said, Mikey these are so 
good!

As he finished a cupcake and took another, he again complimented 
his little nephew.
"The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey," his uncle said. 
"How did you get the icing so neat?"

His nephew replied, "It was easy. I just licked them."

The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. 
"You licked all of these?"

Mikey replied, "Well no. After a while my tongue got 
tired, so I got the dog to help."



»  Blue Flame




Today in 
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium.
1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in 
 Holland and captured the small town of Briel.
1578 William Harvey of England discovered blood circulation.
1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty 
 with Native Americans.
1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found.
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, 
 created the "$" symbol.
1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing 53,000.
1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine.
1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire 
 fighters a regular salary.
1867 Blacks voted in the municipal election in Tuscumbia, AL.
1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies.
1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off 
 Nova Scotia killing 547.
1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem.
1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed in Chicago
1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone.
1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison 
 for high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch."
1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain.
1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced 
 by His Master's Voice.
1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists.
1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo.
1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude 
 record for a catch by catching a baseball dropped from 
 the Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles, CA.
1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by 
 boycotting Jewish businesses.
1934 Bonnie & Clyde killed 2 police officers.
1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal 
 was announced.
1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent 
 lamps were introduced.
1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain 
 at end of Spanish civil war.
1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. 
 It was the last campaign of World War II.
1948 The Berlin Airlift began.
1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" 
 by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow.
1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert.
1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1, the first weather satellite.
1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the 
 My Lai massacre.
1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on 
 gold ownership.
1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their 
 offensive in South Vietnam.
1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold.
1976 Apple Computer began operations.
1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by 
 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah.
1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama.
1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel.
1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground 
 in the Irish Sea.
1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the 
 world. The walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years.
1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5yrs
1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved.
1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history 
 of the National Hockey League (NHL).
1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual 
 harassment lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying 
 that the claims fell "far short" of being worthy of a trial.
1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced 
 to death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 
 43 of the killings occurred in a 6-month period.
1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was 
 carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories 
 and covers about 772,000 square miles.
2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. 
 surveillance plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an 
 emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a 
 Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and 
 presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April 11, 2001.
2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested 
 on corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police 
 at his Belgrade villa.
2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its 
 west coast.
2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims 
 of Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus 
 during an assault on a pregnant woman.
2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty 
 Organization (NATO).
2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to 
 physicians by 21%. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 31.
Still snowing. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man who unleashed road rage, 
prompting the universe to respond appropriately
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the 
 first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is
one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver-
sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.
--- Lisa Kirk


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our
Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a
woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons
case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to
find the body," the teacher said.

"In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had
described. Now what would you call that kind of person?"

While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's
officer taking the course raised his hand and replied,
"A suspect."
 


Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics
absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer.

She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours
applying the "miracle" products.  Finally, when she was
done, she turned to her husband and said, "Hon, honestly
now, what age would you say I am?"

He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said,
"Well, hon, judging from your skin, twenty.  Your hair,
mmmm, eighteen.  Your figure, twenty-five."

"Oh, you're so sweet!"

"Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet."




Click on the picture for the large version

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Yesterday's Bonehead:



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jeffrey Travis White, Tampa, Floriduh

Florida Man Unleashes Road Rage, 
Universe Responds Appropriately

From the Huff Post
After a minute of nonstop tailgating by a huge truck, the 
woman in this video, identified only as "Florida Driver," 
is passed by the vehicle, whose driver flips her the bird 
and yells an unintelligible insult.

"I couldn't move over because there were trucks in the right 
lane," Florida Driver writes in the video description, 
"and I sure as heck wasn't going to speed on a rainy day with 
the roads being as slick as they were."

The videographer, who says she was driving in Tampa, writes 
that she never mouthed off at the guy, didn't brake check him, 
and -- except for holding up her phone -- was paying attention 
to the road.

Shortly after flipping the bird, the driver of the truck loses 
control of his vehicle, spins across a median and through 
oncoming traffic (though no one was hit). He comes to a rest 
only after taking out a light pole.

According to Florida Driver, "He initially fled the scene of 
the accident, but thanks to this video he has been caught 
and charged."

In a release obtained by The Huffington Post, Florida Highway 
Patrol confirmed the driver, identified as 
Jeffrey Travis White, 
was later charged with leaving the scene of a traffic crash.

"Using information contained in the video provided by the 
witness, State Troopers located White at his Tampa residence 
and arrested him for Leaving the Scene of a Traffic Crash, 
Careless Driving and failing to wear his seatbelt," the FHP 
release notes.

Looks like the only injury was to the light pole, his truck
and wallet. And probably his insurance premium. 

The video is at Instant Karma

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Roland
Re: Hibernate Laptop

Dear Webby,
Recall you saying not to shut down lap tops. To put them 
in Hibernate. Question is will one get the updates. 
When I was shutting down every now and then I was advised 
to not shut down or unplug the computer
I put my Desk on Hibernate.
Roland

Der Roland
Nothing happens while the computer is in "Hibernate" mode.

Just set the update mode to "Ask, but don't install"
Then you get prompted to download the installs,
and can pick and choose which ones you want.
If the update requires a reboot, it will tell you, but 
you can stall that to a more convenient time.

The reason not to completely shut down is to keep the
modem warm and your connection alive. If you have a static
(permanent) IP number, that is not really critical, but 
if you have a dynamic one, it can make quite a difference.

You can configure hibernation to shut down the hard drive 
and monitor, and require a password when you wake it up.
It is ALMOST shut down that way, but starts up a LOT faster 
than if you had shut it off. It cuts down on the cussing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Silica Packets in Bathroom
I like to keep silica packets in the bathroom. There is 
more moisture there than anywhere in your house. You know 
how sometimes the drawers in your vanity or under the sink 
storage area gets kind of musty smelling? Keep a few of 
the little packets in there to control dampness and odor. 

By golfgranny58 [2]

Keep in mind that those cute little Silica packets are made
to keep ONE camera or phone dry, ONCE, during initial shipping,
not a drawer or vanity in a steamy bathroom, day after day.

If you can't arrange for adequate ventilation, use some kitty
litter or cake pans filled with sawdust. You can dry those 
out in the oven and re-use them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Ed
My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I 
overheard the couple at the next table discussing 
their bill.

"Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of
the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back
on the farm that's worth at least $137,000."



»  Rare & Exotic Stamps




Today in 
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
 Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert 
 to Christianity.
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
 action in Crimea.
1831 Quebec and Montreal were incorporated as cities.
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with 
 Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade 
 to American trade.
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light.
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened.
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing 
 the workday for women and children to 11 hours.
1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-Revolutionaries 
 with the arrests of 72 people and the seizing of two 
 printing presses.
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by 
 the British.
1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support 
 for an independent state of Morocco.
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike 
 to await a wage adjustment.
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina.
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin 
 Islands from Denmark for $25 million.
1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time 
 went into effect.
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of 
 the thousands of coal miners on strike.
1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine.
1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation 
 Corps to relieve rampant unemployment.
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
 threatened invasion.
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa.
1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece.
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
 trains headed toward Berlin.
1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the 
 only thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe.
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as 
 its 10th province.
1958 The U.S. Navy formed the atomic submarine division.
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march 
 in New York City.
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the 
 first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit.
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry.
1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian terrorists 
 were killed after hijacking an airplane on March 28.
1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 
 crashed in Los Angeles.
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact.
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk 
 from Kurdish guerillas.
1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of 
 Australppithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The 
 finding is of humankind's earliest ancestor.
1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on Yugoslavia.
2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to 
 a doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration 
 of the Ten Commandments, at more than 900. 
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a 
 free e-mail service called Gmail.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Jersey man who dumped in police car 
then ate own finger.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)  

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that 
can be made in a very narrow field.
--- Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her
mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast
to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively
asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" 

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that a little girl 
does something wrong and makes her mommy cry or makes her 
unhappy, one of her hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while 
and said:
"You muft have really piffed off Grandma a lot!"
 


Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

>From Donna
Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed a   
new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retire-   
ment status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly   
good. And he wasn't at all quiet about it.   

"If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of   
my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better   
picture."   

"Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly.   

"Then bring us a better face!"   


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Jargget Washington, 29, Jersey City, NJ
Read more at http://www.dreamindemon.com/2012/10/24/ ... Gjlk8sL.99

Jersey man who dumped in police car 
then ate own finger.

Reported by Nikki
From the Huff Post
Jaggert Washington, pictured in a prior booking photo, 
allegedly swallowed his own finger after defecating in 
the back of a police cruiser.

Authorities say they found Jargget Washington, 29, nude 
and belligerent at a Jersey City intersection around 8:00 p.m. 
on Sunday night. He allegedly "tried pulling a driver out 
of a car," but the driver managed to fight back, according 
to the New York Daily News.

Police restrained Washington and transferred him to Jersey 
City Medical Center, where he became increasingly 
uncontrollable. Washington reportedly spat at officers and 
chewed on his own wrists, devouring his medical bracelet.

Following the evaluation, Washington -- still dressed in a 
hospital gown -- reportedly defecated in the back seat of 
a police car as authorities transported him to the Hudson 
County Jail, the Jersey Journal reports.

Once at the jail, Washington chewed off his own finger and 
swallowed it, according to CBS New York.

Washington's questionable snack prompted authorities to 
return him to the Jersey City Medical Center for re-evaluation.

Police suspect that Washington may have taken PCP.

New Jersey records show that police arrested Washington twice 
between 2007 and 2009 on charges surrounding conspiracy to 
distribute drugs on school property.

Washington is charged with carjacking, throwing bodily 
fluids at law enforcement officers and being under the 
influence of a controlled dangerous substance.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Computer locks up on Facebook

Dear Webby,
just got on face book and am having troubles, it causes my computer to lock up and I get not responding notice. I am using XP and IE, I plan on getting a new computer later this year after the fiber-optic line and system is up and running here along the North Shore of Lake Superior in Two Harbors,MN. I was told I could change to Google Chrome and that could help, my question will it help and if I do change will I lose everything in my favorites file and can I switch that and other files over ??
 
Thanks for any help, read your letter every morning and have learned a lot from it.  Jim

Dear Jim
It is probably just IE choking on some animation.

Use CrapCleaner from my ToolBox at http://webby.com/tools.
If that does not help use FixCleaner.

I doubt that you would be happy with Chrome, but Firefox 
works very well. That is why more people use FireFox than 
all other browsers together.

Don't be in any rush getting rid of your XP. 
You will NOT like Windows 8. Guaranteed!
The switch from XP to W8 is too bog.
XP was a "Get your work done and enjoy it" type OS, 
while W8 is apparently focused on being weird and
forcing you to read instructions. You have to hunt down tips
on forums. Forget about getting any work done in the first 
three months on W8.

At least keep the good ol XP on the side.

I have heard from a number of people that if you want to
get some work done, switch to Linux, just like industry 
and commerce has done. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Toothpick as Temporary Eyeglass Screw
Did you lose the screw from your eyeglasses? Here is a 
temporary solution to give you time to get to the optical 
store. Use a toothpick to hold the arm of your glasses on, 
so you can still wear them. Just poke the pick in the hole 
and break of ends of pick showing. It works great. 
In fact, I used it on my sunglasses and forgot for a while 
that it was there. :) 

By Sheila [61] 

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


>From Inez
Just after Christmas I received a rather general thank-you   
note from my sister for the present I had sent her. However,   
her next letter in mid-March explained that upon receiving   
my gift, a well taped box of chocolates, she had immediately   
put it in the freezer because she had already gained about   
six pounds that Christmas and wanted to avoid temptation.   

One day in March, having lost the excess weight and craving   
a chocolate, she went to the freezer, mouth watering in   
anticipation, opened the box, and discovered the frozen black   
sequined evening purse I had given her.  



» Bunnies & Hares




Today in 
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
into Paris.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory.
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while 
 his patient was anesthetized by ether.
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
 invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
 a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in 
 Kansas.
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil.
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union.
1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic 
 brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect 
 American interests.
1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate 
 in the Russo-Japanese peace talks.
1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking 
 Manhattan and Queens. First double decker bridge.
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against 
 meager pay for government jobs.
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison 
 in Mexico.
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 
 38 warships.
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called 
 Manchuko in Nanking, China.
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel 
 began its first offensive against British forces in Libya.
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines.
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II.
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
 the Nazi party in Frankfurt.
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced.
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
 Northern Ireland.
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
 troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
 northern portion of South Vietnam.
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon 
 South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation.
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded 
 in Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police 
 officers and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded.
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for 
 $39.85 million.
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal.
2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the 
 Southern Philippines.
2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades 
 at a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, 
 four policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 
 people were injured.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 29.

Thank you Farren!

>From Dorothy at AKwildlife.com
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I, too, have been having trouble finding the cursor. 
I read your latest Humor newsletter, made the adjustment, 
and WOW!!!! LOVE IT!

Thanks so much for solving an annoying little problem!!! 
=D>

You're the BEST!
Dorothy

You are most welcome, Dorothy!

I got a stainless steel thermos travel cup with a picture
of a wolf on it from Dorothy about 15 years ago and my dad 
used it every year on our cactus safaris. He is getting too
old to put up with the airport hassles, but the cup is still
in great shape. If you need a pretty, but useful and lasting
gift, go check out Dorothy's sites.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Drunk Motorist Was Wearing Pants As 
Shirt When Found Passed Out At Wheel
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





Progress isn't made by early risers. 
It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways 
to do something.
--- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the
sixth hole he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the
water.

Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to
hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and
begins to walk off the course.

Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the
lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve
his clubs.

When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and
begins to walk off the course.

One of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"

He responds, "I left my car keys in the bag."
 


Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he
returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him.
"She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you
to come home," she said.

"What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if
you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," she answered, caressing her marble rolling pin,
"if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you
were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front
door."




Click on the picture for the large version
Lynx at Banff

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!




An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Anna Areola-Hernandez, 23, Phoenix, AZ

Drunk Motorist Was Wearing Pants As 
Shirt When Found Passed Out At Wheel

An intoxicated Indiana man found passed out in the driver’s 
seat of his car was in his underwear, had on one sock, and 
was wearing his pants like a shirt, cops report.

Bryan Hill, 24, was behind the wheel of a 2013 Honda yesterday 
when police found the vehicle blocking traffic, according to an Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department report.

As detailed by a cop, Hill, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was 
“wearing only a t-shirt, underwear and one sock.” The officer 
added that Hill “did have pants on, but they were on his arms. 
Both arms were inserted into the legs of his jeans.”

Hill was arrested around 4 AM Sunday for public intoxication and obstructing traffic.

Hill is locked up without bond in the Marion County jail due to 
a hold from another county. He is scheduled to appear in court 
tomorrow morning.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
Re: Computer power cords

Dear Webby,
Are powercords interchangeable? My friend gave his computer
to check out, but forgot to give me his power cord. Could I
use my power cord instead? I have a cord for a 350V power
supply and the power supply for his computer is 250V. Would
be okay to switch out power cords?
Thanks,
Chris

Dear Chris
yes, sure!
Power cords are standard.
If you can stuff it into the socket, it will work.

Since your household voltage is 110 Volt,
it's nice that the cord doesn't start leaking and
drooling electrons onto the carpet until 250V or 350V,
but any rating from 110V and up is fine.

Power cords that have a female plug
that looks like this one, and have a male plug
that fits the wall socket, can be safely used
anywhere in the world. The power supply
often has a little red slide switch, sometimes
covered with tape, that lets you select the voltage
of your country. But if the cord fits, use it.

HOWEVER! 
Keep in mind, that I am only talking about power cords,
not Laptop of Notebook powersupplies or chargers.
Except in Europe, those are not interchangeable, and using
the wrong one can cause very expensive damage, especially
on Toshibas. Always make 100% sure that chargers are not
mixed up and not left behind in any hotel.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Determining if Spices are Still Good
If you find yourself debating on whether to use a spice that 
doesn't have an expiration date, try these methods to see if 
they are still good: 

Look to see if the color is still vibrant. If the spice 
appears faded, there is a good chance the flavor has 
faded too. 
Put a little of the spice in your hand and crush or rub it. 
If the aroma is no longer strong and the flavor is weak, it 
is time to buy a new one. 

Here are a few tips to help keep your spices fresh and 
usable: 
Always store herbs and spices in a tightly sealed 
container. Keep them away from heat, moisture, and 
direct sunlight. 
Remember to reseal the container immediately after use. 
Use a dry measuring spoon and don't sprinkle spices over 
a steaming pot. This will help prevent caking, which is 
caused by moisture. 


Check out ThriftyFun's Blog



Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical
exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How
old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78."

The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so
healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man
explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got
married that whenever she got mad she would go into the
kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle
down."

"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor
life."



» SilkWorms




Today in 
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by 
 defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon.
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware was 
 established.
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took 
 possession of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz.
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an 
 ice jam.
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act 
 to create the Dominion of Canada.
1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia.
1903 A regular news service began between New York and 
 London on Marconi's wireless.
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
 seeking higher wages.
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar.

1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
 Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean.
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese 
 began during World War II.
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce 
 in Korea.
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg 
 were convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. 
 They were executed in June 19, 1953.
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders.
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine.
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found 
 guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese 
 civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial 
 was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 
 16, 1968.
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty 
 for Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
 commuted to live in prison.
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.

1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
 spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been 
 launched on November 3, 1973.
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he 
 would reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975.
1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre 
 the Giant in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the 
 Silverdome in Pontiac, MI.
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
 "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference 
 to when he had experimented with marijuana. Nobody believed
 him and voted for him anyway.
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial 
 support to women who had been forced to have sex with 
 Japanese troops during World War II.
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, 
 Slovakia and Slovenia became members of NATO.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 28.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


It is snowing. Really christmassy outside.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Arizona woman posing as a teen and 
infecting a teen with STD.
Details at International Bonehead Awards

From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in 
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal 
 to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.


Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A Democrat is a person who gets money from the rich
and votes from the poor
to protect them from each other.
--- Socratex


Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC!
Boost Computer Speed
Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows®
Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

>From Roland
I returned to my parents' home to attend a funeral. At the 
temple, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely 
familiar. "Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?" she asked as 
she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came 
to me. He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had 
officiated at my grandmother's funeral. "It's good to 
see you again, Rabbi," I said, "though I wish it weren't 
always under such tragic circumstances."

The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of 
consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, 
I rejoined my mother.

"Imagine," she whispered, "after all this time, to run into 
the rabbi who performed your wedding!"
 


Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC
from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and
other malicious programs. 
Kasperski

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his
mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring
her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and
said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't
have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus
is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and
asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always
ready to help you when you need him," she said. The
little boy thought about that for a minute and then
went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering
out into the darkness, he called,

"Jesus? If you're really out there, would you please 
hand me the broom?"




Click on the picture for the large version
Secret admirer?

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 

Anna Areola-Hernandez, 23, Phoenix, AZ

AZ woman lures child into sex, 
infects him with STD

Reported by the Huff Post
An Arizona woman accused of convincing a boy she was a 
teenager and giving him a sexually transmitted disease 
may have had sex with other minors, police said.

Anna Areola-Hernandez, 23, was arrested Thursday and faces 
charges including sexual conduct with a minor, child molestation, 
unlawful age misrepresentation, and an adult posing as a minor 
for sexual conduct, according to AZ Family.

Court documents show that Areola-Hernandez had a six-month 
relationship with a 13-year-old boy she first met at a 
Phoenix mall. She allegedly told the teen that she was 
15-years-old, and had sex with the child several times.

In February, the child's mother contacted the police after 
finding out Areola-Hernandez has lied about her age, and 
had allegedly given her son an STD. 

In a call set up by officers, Areola-Hernandez allegedly 
told the boy's mother that she was pregnant, though police 
have yet to confirm if this is true.

Areola-Hernandez allegedly communicated with the boy through 
texts, Facebook, and other social media sites under the 
names "Tiny Hernandez" or "Ana Hernandez," according to AZ Central.

Police said the suspect admitted that she had "friended" at 
least 20 kids online while posing as a teenager, and confessed 
to having sex with two children.

Court documents said Areola-Hernandez showed no remorse when 
talking about the allegations, and admitted to preferring 
younger boys, according to My Fox Phoenix.

Investigators are now calling on parents whose children may 
have contacted the woman.

"She looks very young, so it would be very easy for her to 
pass as a teenager," Tracey Breeden of the Glendale Police 
Department told the station. Areola-Hernandez is being held 
without bail.


All dolled up and on the prowl.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Elaine
Re: Hard to see cursor

Dear Webby,
the only reason my dad has not fired his new laptop out 
throuh a window is because he has just replaced all windows 
and know how expensive they are. His problem is that the 
cursor jumps to weird places and is hard to find. How can 
that be fixed?
Elaine

Dear Elaine
1) Give your dad a real mouse, and glue some stiff cardboard,
plastic or tin over the silly thumb pad between the keyboard 
and the near edge of the computer.

His thumb hovering too close to the thumb pad sends the cursor
to weird places.

2) Go through the control panel to Mouse and pointing devices.
In there you can select a more visible cursor. There are also
all kinds of third party cursors available, even rainbow 
colored cursor.

3) While in there, go to POINTER OPTIONS, and put checkmarks 
onto DISPLAY POINTER TRAILS and onto 
SHOW LOCATION OF POINTER WHEN I PRESS CTRL KEY

The last one produces a target animation wherever the curso is,
when CTRL is pressed. The moving circles really help finding
the cursor.

Naturally, doing all that will be a LOT easier with a real 
mouse than with the silly thumb pad, that was probably
designed by window repair companies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




If you can help with the  cost of the

Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Toothbrush In Cabinet  
We have all heard keeping a toothbrush in the vicinity 
of a flushing toilet is not good, as it can catch what 
sprays into the air, ick! So, all it takes is a wood 
bathroom cabinet and cup hooks, problem easily solved.

By linda h.

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog

"One of our co-workers went missing for a few hours, and we   
tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found   
him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a   
note on the man's chest.   

"As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as   
soon as you wake up, you're fired!"   




Ophelia Dingbatter's News



No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Here is a famous Classic:
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. 
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud 
shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses 
this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not 
o admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk 
City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the 
taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and 
Enter the Kingdom." 

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. 
Next it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snowden, 
pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, 
"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the 
Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi 
driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. 
How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept; 
while he drove, people prayed."



» Fishy Stuff




Today in 
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts.
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine.
1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for 
 the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the US.
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring 
 war on Russia.
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
 U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
 that they could not be deported under the Chinese 
 Exclusion Act.
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues.
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
 a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal 
 registration.
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, 
 France. The pilot was Henri Fabre.
1917 During World War I the Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps 
 (WAAC) was founded.
1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device.
1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to 
 Istanbul and Ankara respectively.
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
 businesses, professions and schools.
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of 
 electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental 
 illnesses.
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco 
 Franco.
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the 
 Battle of Matapan.
1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French 
 port of St. Nazaire.
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against 
 England.
1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying 
 device that could be strapped to a person's body.
1962 The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of 
 lasers to intercept missiles and satellites.
1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when 
 it vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam 
 claimed that they had shot it down.
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile 
 Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor 
 overheated and suffered a partial meltdown.
1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an 
 airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on 
 March 31.
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the 
 Nicaraguan contras.
1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties 
 played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST.
1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire.
1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress 
 supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg.
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal 
 to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2014  smiled.

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