Is Spybot good enough? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, May 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Venezuelan Stripper, who was arrested for knocking out her Mother In Law. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 15, in 1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for more than eight years battling the US armed and trained Taliban. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz No one who cannot rejoice in the discovery of his own mistakes deserves to be called a scholar. --- Donald Foster _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip while filling up his car at the gas station. "Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?" "Well, the child was born without a penis." he replied. "Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip... and with a smile on her face, she turned to head into town to spread the news. Once she was out of earshot, he told the gas station attendant: "They are going to call her Eva."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A woman drove a mini-van filled with a bit more than a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted past a stop sign. "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and screamed back: "What makes you think these are all mine???" ______________________________________________________ A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns. "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke, please." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Venezuelan stripper and glamor model was arrested after she knocked out her mother in law. Diosa Canales, 29, Roberto Rojas Romero, 32, Naguanagua, Carabobo Venezuela According to her statement, the mother in law says, the incident happened after the couple’s two-year-old daughter accidentally swallowed Rivotril pills - a tranquiliser drug sometimes known as Clonazepam - and threw away the bottle.She described how the model, who has more than 36,000 followers on Instagram, began to verbally abuse the little girl and she intervened. At this point her son grabbed onto her neck and strangled her until she could not breath, after which Canales punched her in her left eye, leaving her unconscious for some minutes. According to a police report , both of them have been arrested for having "caused physical injury to the mother in various parts of the body". The alleged victim, Solange Ramona Romero Mota, 50, went to the police station to report the attack. Diosa Canales is a Venezuelan singer, pole-dancer, and model well known for making promises of getting naked if her country's national football team wins a football tournament. She became an internet phenomenon when she got naked in front of her twitcam and was watched by more than 30,000 people in less than 12 minutes. She even became a trending topic until she was censored by Twitter. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob RE: Spybot versus Malwarebytes Dear Webby I use the free version of Malwarebytes to protect my computer from Spyware and Malware. Â Someone told me that the free version of SPYBOT is better protection against Spyware & Malware. Would appreciate your comments. Bob Faria Daily Voter Bob Dear Bob Spybot is pretty good and does get rid of a lot of spying ad-ware, but that is only a small portion of malware, that needs to be gotten rid of. Even the free version of Malwarebytes gets rid of a lot more malware. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ After Psycho was released, Hitchcock received an angry letter from the father of a girl who refused to take a bath after seeing Les Diaboliques. Now she was refusing to take a shower after seeing Psycho. Hitchcock sent him a note back simply saying, "Send her to the dry cleaners." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cakes Sticking to the Pan By sadiena [3 Posts, 3 Comments] What is the easiest way to bake a cake without it sticking to the pan and spending all this time scrubbing the pan? By booboo kitty from Jacksonville, FL Best Answer I've always greased the pan the old fashioned way and then after removing the cake just simply soak the pans in water for about five minutes and it comes off easily with even your fingertips. Definitely no scrubbing and save money by not using extra or fancy products.
By Michelle Landreth [17 Posts, 67 Comments] Best Answer Baker's Joy or store brand, works like a charm! I wouldn't try these for years because I didn't want to risk my cake possibly sticking to the pans. I always greased and floured my pans the old fashioned way. I finally broke down and tried the sprays. They work great and so simple to use. Cakes pop right out of the pans with no problem.
______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law." Suitor: "No, not really. But I don't see any other way to marry your daughter." ___________________________________________________
two dogs dining
____________________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself;" lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says "If you are such an insensitive and inconsiderate and seflish bonehad that you don't know, then there is no point wasting my time to tell you. ____________________________________________________ An overweight Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to run home 300 Miles?" ____________________________________________________
25 little places which are just too wonderful to be real.

Today on May 15
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the 
 treaty of St.Menehould.
1618 Johannes Kepler published his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder.
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale in the U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, 
 Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its 
 independence.
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one 
 million stockholders.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas 
 Island in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched 
 in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first 
 two female generals.
1970 Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two 
 black students at Jackson State University in Mississippi, 
 were killed when police opened fire during student 
 protests.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer 
 in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. 
 Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the 
 United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by 
 implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 
 115,000 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been 
there for more than eight years battling the US armed and 
trained Taliban.
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was 
 sold for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission 
 to deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh 
 American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
2016  smiled.


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What to do with forwarding requests 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, May 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a former NY principal who was fired for being always late, was 88 days late for appealing the firing. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 14, in 1264 Baron's War fought in England More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby "The spirit in which a thing is given determines how the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed." --- Seneca the Younger _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father Ernie senior, met for lunch. "Well son," asked Ernie senior, "How is married life treating you?" "Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed junior, "It seems I married a nun." "A nun?" his father questioned. "That's right," moaned Ernie junior, "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!" Ernie senior nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back. "Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?" Young Ernie smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!" "Fine," replied Ernie senior, "I'll call home and ask the successor to Mother Superior to set two extra plates."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him. In almost a whisper he says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand." The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher yells with increasing loudness: "And he who will find a place in hell please STAND UP!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing. Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!" ______________________________________________________ The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after the fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists who had gotten lost and wound up in the army garrison instead of at Euro-Disney. ______________________________________________________ Patagonia From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NY principal who was fired for being always late, was 88 days late for appealing the firing. Marcella Sills Far Rockaway, New York. The city fired Sills in February from her $128,000-a-year gig at PS 106 in Far Rockaway after The Post exposed her out-of-control tardiness. Infamous “School of No” Principal Marcella Sills, who was fired for excessive lateness, is tardy again — filing a lawsuit to get her job back months after the legal deadline. This, when PS 106 earned the “School of No” moniker because it had nothing — no books, no gym or art classes, no nurse’s office, no special-ed teachers, no books for the Common Core curriculum. Yet now she’s suing for reinstatement — noting that her union contract never specified what time she was to show for work. The hooky-playing Sills cheated taxpayers as well as students at PS 106 in Far Rockway, an arbitrator ruled in firing her Jan. 22. The arbitrator slapped Sills for arriving up to several hours late 178 times between September 2012 and January 2014, but never documented the absences and “committed theft of time.” She had 10 days under state law to appeal her termination. She filed a lawsuit in Manhattan Supreme Court on April 19 — 88 days after the decision. Her suit contends the city’s contract with principals doesn’t set a start and end time for a work day, so she can’t be nailed for lateness. Her lawyer, Douglas Rosenthal, admitted the filing was delinquent, but asked the judge to make an exception for Sills “in the interest of justice.” The city Law Department declined to comment. Schools Chancellor Carmen Fariña ousted Sills in February 2014 after The Post exposed her abuses, dubbing PS 106 the “School of No” because it had lacked basics such as books for the Common Core curriculum. Instead of gym and art classes, kids watched movies. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doug RE: Mails to be forwarded Dear Webby At the bottom is a forwarding type email. I get this 'type' of email from a young girl(13 - cousin-in- law). I don't mind them too much. They never work. I was wondering if you know what is so hot about them? They are vastly 'forwarded'. What's the appeal? take care, Doug --------- .....To find out what was inside the container you must fprward this to at least 10 people... ------- Dear Doug 13 year olds often like to behave like little smartass pranksters. Sometimes, some of them like that so much, that they never reach the relative maturity expected of a 14 year old. By the way, there is absolutely no point in writing to the originators of those pranks and telling them that they are not going to see a box, and not going to get a check from Bill Gates or anybody. Doing that would be like trying to teach a pig to sing. It hurts the ears, and it annoys the pig. In case you do want to hit back with an appropriate chain letter, I wrote the Fert Club page in 1994. Just send them the URL: http://webby.com/ humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami Beach, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, "Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Abe says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Shirley says, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Abe says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, "Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Abe says, "Shirley, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't get moving, we're going to miss the Early Bird Special." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Individual Chocolate Cakes By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 151 Comments] This is taken from Nigella Lawson's recipe for Chocohotopots. (I made a few changes). They are delicious and quick to whip up. My picky kids can't wait for these to come out of the oven. Definitely a keeper! cake with ice cream Approximate Time: 10 minutes to make, 20-25 minutes to cook Yield: 4 cakes Ingredients: 1 stick of butter (8 tablespoons) 4 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped (I just use half a cup of chocolate chips) 2 eggs 3/4 cup sugar 3 Tbsp flour 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp salt 1/2 tsp of instant coffee dissolved in 1 teaspoon of hot water Steps: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Butter 4 ramekins with an extra tablespoon of butter. Melt chocolate and butter. Cool a little (a few minutes). chocolate melted with butter In separate bowl, combine eggs, sugar, flour, vanilla, salt, and dissolved coffee. mixing dry ingredients with eggs and coffee Add chocolate mixture to the bowl. Stir til combined. Pour into ramekins. pour batter into ramekins The original recipe says to bake for 20 minutes. But, it's a little too gooey and under-cooked to serve to my kids. I bake them for 25-28 minutes, til there's no jiggle and the cakes are more set. out of the oven When the cakes come out, you can add some chocolate to the middle or if you like to live dangerously, a spoonful of Nutella. Ice cream is really good on it, too. Let cakes cool for about 10 minutes, so no one gets burned. Enjoy! Source: Nigella Lawson's Chocohotopots ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two Iranians meet in California. One starts to greet the other in Farsi,the language of their native country. The other Iranian waved him away contemptuously and said, "We're in California now. Speak Spanish!" ___________________________________________________
dog loves his favorite song
____________________________________________________ A little son of a Lutheran minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The first kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled, clawed and tore at him, and got away. With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face. Finally, after barely getting her splattered after chasing her with a casserole filled with water, he disgustedly declared: "Fine, be a Casserole Baptist !" ____________________________________________________ One day a mother was explaining to her young son that you should never tell a lie. She told him that God saw everything and heard everything. She explained, "Even though your father and I may not know if you are telling a lie God will know." The young son replied, "But will He tell?" ____________________________________________________
Miss America 1924

Today on May 14
1264 Baron's War fought in England 
1607 1st permanent English settlement in New World, Jamestown VA 
1664 Turkish great Köprülü attacks 120,000 Donau soldiers 
1767 British government disbands Americans import duty on tea
1787 Delegates gather in Philadelphia to draw up US constitution 
1796 1st smallpox inoculation administered, by Edward Jenner
1804 Lewis & Clark set out from St Louis for the Pacific Coast 
1862 Adolphe Nicole of Switzerland patents the chronograph
1894 Fire in the Boston bleachers spreads to 170 adjoining buildings
1908 1st passenger flight in an airplane
1921 Florence Allen is 1st woman judge to sentence a man to death 
1932 "We Want Beer!" parade in New York
1940 Netherlands surrender to Germany 
1945 Kamikaze-Zero strikes US aircraft carrier Enterprise
1945 US offensive on Okinawa, Sugar Loaf conquered 
1948 Jordan's Arab League captures Atarot, north of Jerusalem
1948 PM David Ben-Gurion establishes State of Israel
1948 US grants Israel de facto recognition 
1955 Warsaw Pact is signed by the Soviet Union, Albania, Bulgaria, 
Czechoslovakia, East Germany, Hungary, Poland & Romania 
1969 Abortion & contraception legalized in Canada 
1969 Last Chevrolet Corvair built 
1973 Skylab launched, the 1st Space Station
1974 Symbionese Liberation Army destroyed in shoot-out, 6 killed
1976 Oil tanker Urqui Ola explodes off Spanish coast 
Since 1897: Ireland : Feis Ceoil music festival


2016  smiled.


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What to do when you can't move icons 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, May 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Friday, the  13th !
Be careful! It is bad luck to be superstitious!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia woman who was arrested for having an orgy with under-age youths. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 13, in 1110 Crusaders march into Beirut causing a bloodbath More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?" "Yes." "I want you to send somebody over right away." "What's wrong?" "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my dog."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window. She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until she catches her husband at something proportionaltely unforgivable. ______________________________________________________ Justin, 10, had been ill, requiring several doctors' visits and tests before a specialist came up with the final diagnosis and treatment. Afterwards, his mother asked him if he understood what the doctor had explained to him. "No," replied Justin, "not really." "Okay," his mother replied, "the doctor said you started with a virus..." At which point Justin interrupted to ask, "Does that mean I need a new hard drive ?" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by a Georgia woman who was arrested for having an orgy with under-age youths. Rachel Lenhardt 35, Evans, Georgia An Evans woman opened up to her Alcoholic Anonymous sponsor and ended up in jail based partly on what she revealed about an underage party and sex romp at her home, according to authorities. Rachel Lenhardt, 35, was charged Monday with two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor for allegedly providing marijuana and alcohol to minors at her home on Whitney Pass in Evans. The sponsor told investigators that she was recently asked to help Lenhardt, so she asked her over for coffee on April 10 to talk about Lenhardt’s plans for sobriety and such. Lenhardt informed her she was four days sober since April 6 when she lost custody of her five children ages 4, 6, 8, 10 and 16. Lenhardt told her that an emergency hearing was conducted this month when her kids were taken away from her due to an incident that occurred at her house. According to a sheriff’s report, Lenhardt gave her sponsor this account of the party: Her kids were with their father one night when her 16-year- old daughter texted her and asked if her and some friends could come over “to party.” Lenhardt replied “come on, let`s party.” Lenhardt allowed her teen daughter and her friends to smoke marijuana and drink her alcohol in her home. The group of minors and her played naked Twister in the living room. Lenhardt had sex with an 18 year old in the bathroom while the others continued to play Twister. Lenhardt told her sponsor she was still “horny” afterward so she brought her sex toys out in the living room and began to use them on herself in front of the group. The group and Lenhardt then got in her hot tub naked where the party continued. Lenhardt said she was asleep in her bed and woke up around 3:30 a.m. when she felt someone having sex with her. She thought it was the 18-year-old but realized it was her daughter’s 16-year-old boyfriend. The daughter later told her mother that she felt guilty because the boyfriend’s 10-inch penis was too large for her and he needed to have sex so he used the mother instead. Lenhardt also told her sponsor that she had shown her daughter pornographic photos, including photos of her and her current boyfriend having sex. The sponsor told investigators that Lenhardt has opened up about being a sexual deviant and porn addict. Sheriff’s Capt. Steve Morris said this week’s arrest of Lenhardt is based partially on the account given to them by the AA sponsor. He said no sexual crime charges were being filed because 16 is the legal age of consent. AA apparently is not anonymous and confidential in Georgia. Her picture looks very familiar, as if I had given her or her sister a bonehead award already. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marifay RE: Icons can't be moved Dear Webby Sure hope you can help me with this problem, I can no longer click on to the icons on my desk top and move them .When I do they zip right back to where they were.For some reason they have all moved to the left side of my desk top and cant be moved. Can you help me with this? Marifay Dear Marifay Rightclick an empty spot on the desktop, select ARRANGE ICONS BY and take the checkmark off from AUTO ARRANGE Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fix Reel Mower Treads By MITCH [17 Posts, 7 Comments] My "Weed-eater" reel mower is 5 1/2 years old, and it shows. But if the plastic wheel treads won't dig in against the resistance of the grass, then it's over. That's probably by design to make us toss 'em sooner and buy new! Here's a simple solution to planned obsolescence. Find a few tiny wood screws, enough to go around both wheels (4 or 5 each) and screw into treads at thickest places. Not too deep or they'll scrape metal below and slow or stop machine. Especially for self propelled mowers, better than "tiny wood screws" are fat hex head sheet metal screws like are used to mount metal roofing. They have wide shoulders that sit flush on the plstic wheels and don't get torn out. You can get a socket for them and an adapter to fit into any drill. You can do both driving wheels in a couple of minutes. Then it will pull you along instead of you pushing it. I had to do that on my 26" YardWorks mower and it madea huge difference. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bubba met with the mayor to talk about him using his good influence to help Bubba get the new construction contract. The mayor agreed. Bubba said, "To show my appreciation for all the things you've done for our town, I want to present you with a brand new Cadillac. It's loaded! It has everything! Here you go. Here are the keys." The mayor, "Now, Bubba, you know that I can't accept that!" Bubba said, "Oh, yeah, right! Gift limits and all that! Here! I'll sell it to you for half a dollar!" The mayor said, "Okay, Bubba," and gave him a 5 dollar bill. Bubba grinned as he pocketed the bill, "Oops! I don't have change!". The mayor just shrugged and said, "That's okay. I'll just take ten of those half dollar Cadillacs." ___________________________________________________
the kid wanted to be baptized :D
____________________________________________________ A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so he told her that she wasn't home. "Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?" The man wordlessly directed her to the bench on the porch and left her there while he continued with some yardwork. After 3 hours she got quite worried and called out for him and asked, "May I know where your wife is?" "At the cemetery," he replied. "And when is she coming?" "I don't really know," he said. Then she asked "When did she go there ?" "About eleven years ago" ____________________________________________________ I asked a new temp once how she liked working for the manager of the Facilities Division. She replied, "Well, he's OK I guess. But he sure is bigoted." Somewhat taken aback, I said, "Rose that's a very serious allegation. Exactly what do you mean by 'bigoted' ?" She replied, "Well, for one thing, he thinks words can only be spelled one way." ____________________________________________________
Ghost towns fascinate me. Wouldn’t you like to know the people who lived there in its heyday?

Today on May 13
1110 Crusaders march into Beirut causing a bloodbath
1568 Mary Queen of Scots is defeated by English 
1588 King Henri III flees Paris
1607 - An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport arrived at
Jamestown, Virginia. The passengers went ashore the next day and this
site became the first permanent settlement English colony in America.
1637 Cardinal Richelieu of France creates the table knife to 
reduce the number of fatal and messy arguments at his table
1654 Venetian fleet under Admiral Adeler beats Turkish 
1779 - The War of Bavarian Succession ended. 
1787 - Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He
successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18,
1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later and
settled at Port Jackson. 
1828 US passes Tariff of Abominations
1821 - The first practical printing press was patented in the 
 U.S. by Samuel Rust. 
1846 - The U.S. declared that war existed with Mexico. 
1861 - Britain declared its neutrality in the American Civil War. 
1865 - The last land engagement of the American Civil War was fought
at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, more than a month
after Gen. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, VA. 
1873 - Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder. 
1880 - Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway in 
Menlo Park. 
1888 - Slavery was abolished in Brazil. 
1897 - Guglielmo Marconi sent the world's first wireless
communication over open sea. 
1913 - Igor Sikorsky (Russia) flew the first four engine aircraft. 
1917 - Near Fatima, Portugal, three peasant children reported 
 seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary. 
1918 - The first airmail postage stamps were issued with airplanes 
 on them. The denominations were 6, 16, and 24 cents. 
1927 - "Black Friday" occurred in Germany. 
1949 - The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was installed in
Wilmar, AR. 
1954 - U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the St. Lawrence
Seaway Development Act. 
1958 - French troops took control of Algiers. 
1958 - U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by rocks
thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela. 
1968 - Peace talks between the U.S. and North Vietnam began in Paris.

1975 - Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN. 
1985 - A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and the
radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive onto the
group's headquarters. Eleven people died in the fire that resulted. 
1998 - India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first round had
been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. and Japan imposed
tough economic sanctions. India claimed that the tests were necessary
to maintain India's national security. 
1999 - In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris Yeltsin
began. 
2003 - The U.S. government unveiled a newly designed version of the
$20 bill. It was the first to be colorized in an effort to stop
counterfeiters. 
2016  smiled.


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Winzip Naggers in email 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, May 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a naked Florida woman arrested in street wearing only black boots and assaulting senior and deputy. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 11, in 1096 The Jews of Regensburg, who resisted forced conversion, were killed More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) Aristotle taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy (1884-1949) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answered and Tom said, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replied, "Sure, Canned or Dried?"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 120,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?" ______________________________________________________ Jane was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jane said, "Nine dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jane said, "Same price, nine dollars." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jane said, "OK, you come to the movie - put the kids on a plane." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelly Marie Carpenter, 51, Rio Ponderosa Village, Florida naked Florida woman arrested in street wearing only black boots and assaulting senior and deputy. A Villager has been jailed on $10,000 bond following her arrest after she was found naked in the street wearing nothing but a pair of black boots. A couple had been driving their car down Estrada Place in the Village of Rio Ponderosa at 6:30 p.m. Saturday when they encountered 51-year-old Kelly Marie Carpenter standing naked in the middle of the street, according to an arrest report from the Sumter County Sheriff’s Office. When their vehicle approached her, she started beating on it with her fists. The man driving the car rolled down the window because he feared she would break it. When the man, who is over the age of 90, rolled down the window, she struck him in the shoulder while she was screaming incoherently. The couple, afraid of what harm she might inflict, drove around the corner and called law enforcement. When a deputy arrived, Carpenter was still standing in the street, surrounded by household items. When the deputy approached her, Carpenter threw a plastic spray bottle at the deputy and used vulgar language, the report indicated. “I’m naked, arrest me,” she said, according to the report. She then hit the deputy in the waist with a windshield squegee. When the deputy handcuffed Carpenter and put her in the back of a patrol car, she kicked the door, resulting in damage to the locking mechanism of the door. She is facing charges of battery on a law enforcement officer, battery on a person over the age of 65, simple assault on a person over the age of 65 and indecent exposure. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Den RE: Winzip naggers Dear Webby My computer keeps receiving notices to upgrade WINZIP for $39 or $49 to update my computer. Should I be purchasing this? Den Dear Denise If you are using Winzip once a month or more often, then it would be good and proper to get the paid version. However, if you are using it just once or twice a year, continue using the free evaluation version, or else get the free 7- zip. Since you are using Gmail, you can easily make a filter to send their monthly naggers straight to spam or trash. Get comfortable with making filters! Whenever something annoys you, make a filter. Don't get mad, filter it to hell. Filters are for more than just MILs and Nigerian scammers! Since all zip files in email are scams or viruses or trojans, I have filtered them to hell with MailWasher for many years. So far no legitimate sender complained. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bacon Pancake By Robin [5,891 Posts, 29 Comments] I like this just because it's a different kind of pancake recipe and I love the bacon! Ingredients: 1/2 - 1 lb. bacon 2 cups milk 1 tsp. salt 4 eggs 1 1/4 cups flour Directions: Cut bacon in small pieces and fry in pan. Place bacon pieces in pan (9x13 inches) and enough of the bacon fat to cover pan bottom generously. Beat egg; add salt, milk, and flour alternately. Mix well and pour over bacon. Bake in 400 degree F oven for 30-40 minutes or until set and brown. Serve at once with butter, strawberry jam, or syrup. Makes 4 generous servings. Servings:4 Prep Time:15 Minutes Cooking Time:30-40 Minutes By Robin from Washington, IA If you are in a hurry, you can use Costco or Hormel crumbled bacon and mix it in with the dough. If you want to cut back on flour, mash in a couple of bananas instead. Don't forget a bit of baking soda to make them light and fluffy. You can do them in 2 x 60 seconds on a griddle or frying pan. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's computer. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." ------------- Every tech support person knows people like that. ___________________________________________________
the kid wanted to be baptized :D
____________________________________________________ Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!" ____________________________________________________ When Judy arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting at the wrong desk." "I don't understand," Judy replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure Judy that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, your appointment was actually scheduled for tomorrow." ____________________________________________________
Highlights from Nat Geo’s 2016 Travel Photographer of the Year Contest

Today on May 12
0254 St Stephan I replaces Lucius I as Catholic Pope 
1096 The Jews of Regensburg, who resisted forced conversion, were killed
1551 San Marcos University in Lima Peru, opens 
1733 Maria Theresa crowned queen of Bohemia in Prague
1777 1st ice cream advertisement (Philip Lenzi-New York
Gazette) 
1792 Toilet that flushes itself at regular intervals is
patented 
1835 Charles Darwin visits copper mines in North Chile
1885 Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebel against
Canada 
1925 Uzbekistan & Kirgizistan become autonomous Soviet
republics 
1928 Mussolini ends woman's rights in Italy
1928 Opium laws enforced in USA
1940 Nazi blitz conquest of France began by crossing Meuse
River 
1942 1,500 Jews gassed in Auschwitz 
1943 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrives in US 
1944 900+ 8th Air Force bombers attack Zwikau, Bohlen &
Brüx
1949 West begins Berlin Airlift to get supplies around
Soviet blockade
1951 1st H Bomb test, on Enewetak Atol
1980 1st nonstop crossing of US via balloon (Maxie Anderson
& son Chris) 
1997 Russia & Chechnya sign peace deal after 400 years of
conflict 
1997 Susie Maroney, 22, of Australia, is 1st to swim from
Cuba to Florida
1997 Tornado narrowly misses downtown Miami 
2016  smiled.


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Is Verizon really going to use AOL mail ? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, May 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to the Mayor of Frankfort Village, NY. He was arrested for stealing 111 road signs from the state and giving them to his village. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 11, in 1189 Emperor Frederik I Barbarossa & 100,000 crusaders depart Regensburg More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid. --- P. J. O'Rourke If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600." Bill sighs, "Telling your wife."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A plane took off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announ- cement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Sit back and relax - OH NO!" Silence. After a moment, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!" ______________________________________________________ After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a long kiss, and gave her another hug and an even longer kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Frank Moracco, 60, Frankfort Village, NY Frankfort NY mayor arrested for stealing 111 road signs Apparently, no one saw the signs. A mayor in upstate New York is facing criminal charges for allegedly stealing 111 road signs from the state’s Department of Transportation, according to WKTV.com. New York State Police arrested Frank Moracco Monday on charges of misconduct and petit larceny. Both charges are Class “A” misdemeanors, according to CNYCentral.com. Moracco, 60, has served as the mayor of Frankfort Village since 2004, and has worked as a sign shop foreman for the state’s Department of Transportation since 2001, Syracuse.com reports. Police started investigating Moracco in July of 2015 after getting a tip from someone in the town, New York State Police spokesman Jack Keller told The Huffington Post. They said he took 111 road signs made at the shop and gave them to the Village of Frankfort Street Department, according to the Utica Observer-Dispatch. “There were a variety of signs, including yield and stop signs,” Keller told HuffPost. “A village usually has to apply to get signs and then pay a fee. [Moracco] bypassed that process.” Moracco was issued an appearance ticket for the charges and is due in Frankfort Town Court May 3. It is unknown what has happened to the road signs allegedly stolen by Moracco. Neither he, the Frankfort Village Street Department nor the New York State Police have responded to inquiries from HuffPost. Frankfort Village clerk Karlee Tamburro told the Observer- Dispatch that the village has no comment on the situation, but that Moracco will continue to serve as mayor. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eno RE: Verizon and AOL mail Dear Webby Is it true that Verizon bought AOL because AOL knows how to deal with people upset about mail not working? Did they buy all of AOL, or just the mail part? Eno Dear Eno Yes, apparently they did. They want to focus on phones and the use of phones to get onto the Internet, and are tired of getting yelled at about email problems. Initially the switch is just for some regions to test how well AOL can handle the email for Verizon customers. There is no need to panic. You can still continue to use Gmail, set it to POP and then use Eudora, Thunderbird or even Outlook to take care of your email. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name, and leave her one of my business cards ?" Bob's face turns red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Black Rubber Marks on Laminate Floors By Nick Rous [1 Comment] Use lighter fuel on a piece of kitchen towel. The marks come of immediately. No elbow grease required! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. One preacher claimed, "Kneeling is definitely best." "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hanging by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole in a thunder and lightning storm." ___________________________________________________
watch for the bird - so cool
____________________________________________________ One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?" __________________________________________________ Thanks to Judy for this one: At the company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot, re-filled please, if the water has gone stale." ____________________________________________________
Sculptures that defy gravity

Today on May 11
1189 Emperor Frederik I Barbarossa & 100,000 crusaders depart Regensburg
1330 Constantinople (Istanbul) becomes new capital 
 for Eastern Roman Empire 
1421 Jews are expelled from Styria
1751 1st US hospital founded (Pennsylvania Hospital)
1752 1st US fire insurance policy issued (Philadelphia) 
1792 Columbia River discovered & named by US Captain Robert Gray 
1812 Waltz introduced into English ballrooms - Most observers 
consider it disgusting & immoral. No wonder it caught on! 
1814 Americans defeat British at Battle of Plattsburgh 
1818 Cincinnati Reds Hod Eller no-hits St Louis Cardinals, 6-0
1833 "Lady-of-the-Lake" strikes iceberg & sinks in N Atlantic; kills 215 
1850 Work starts on 1st brick building in San Fransisco 
1916 Einstein's Theory of General Relativity presented 
1921 Tel Aviv is 1st all Jewish municipality 
1928 General Electric opens 1st TV-station (Schenectady NY)
1929 1st regularly scheduled TV broadcasts (3 nights per week)
1931 Credit-Anstalt, Austria's largest bank, fails 
beginning financial collapse of Central Europe 
1942 Japanese troops conquer Kalewa 
1943 US 7th division lands on Attu, Aleutian
1947 BF Goodrich manufactures 1st tubeless tire, Akron OH 
1949 1st Polaroid camera sold $89.95 (NYC)
1951 Jay Forrester patents computer core memory
1955 Israel attacks Gaza 
1962 US sends troops to Thailand 
1967 100,000,000th US phone connected 
1978 Margaret A Brewer is 1st female general in the US Marine Corps 
1987 1st heart-lung transplant take place (Baltimore) 
1989 President Bush orders nearly 2,000 troops to Panamá 
2016  smiled.


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AOL Mail Problems 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, May 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Florida woman, who tried to rip off boyfriend's testicles. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 10, in 1267 Vienna's church orders all Jews to wear distinctive garb 1278 Jews of England imprisoned on charges of coining 1427 Jews are expelled from Berne Switzerland More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty- fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the very first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and given VD to his cousin. I was appalled, but as the days went on I came to realize that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk... "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Lawyer: "Now would you please tell the Jury the truth - why did you shoot your husband with bow and arrow?" Defendant : "I didn't want to wake up the children." ______________________________________________________ Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rosaire Francois, 28 Ellenton, Florida. Florida woman busted for battering her beau's testicles A woman arrested last night for battering her live-in boyfriend confessed to cops that she “tried to rip his balls off” during a confrontation in the couple’s Florida home, according to a police report. The victim told investigators that he initially got into a “verbal altercation” with Rosaire Francois, 28, as they traveled in a car en route to their apartment in Ellenton. When the squabbling couple arrived home, the man told police, he attempted to take a shower. However, the report notes, he was interrupted by Francois, who “kicked in the bathroom door and grabbed the victim by his testicles.” The altercation, police say, “then moved to the kitchen, where the offender grabbed the victim by the testicles and scratched the victim’s face.” When cops arrived at the home, Francois reportedly made no bones about her intentions during the domestic scuffle. “I tried to rip his balls off,” she said, according to police. Pictured above, Francois was arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge. She is being held at the Manatee County jail. The police report does not indicate whether Francois’s boyfriend was injured during the testicle attack. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: SHARON RE: AOL MAIL From SHARON HOW WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THE MAIL AT AOL WHEN YOU DONT EVEN HAVE AN AOL ACCOUNT.AND MAIL IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT ANYWAY.SOMEBODY WANTS SOMETHING BAD ENOUGH,THEY WILL WRITE AGAIN SHARON Dear Sharon For some people mail is important enough to write to me and inquire what the problem is. because of the amount of mail I get, I simplify my chores and if the question on a repetitive topic is the same, I paste the same reply. here is the one I use most: --------------------- Dear You are still on the list and the Humor Letter DID go out to you. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about the routine AOL malfunctions. Apparently, to be able to handle all that outgoing spam, AOL severely restricts incoming mail. Most likely your Humor Letter got tagged as spam and was censored. That seems to happen a lot at AOL lately. If you can't get AOL to stop messing with your mail, you could try using a Gmail account on the side. In the meantime, you can always browse to http://webby.com/humor/ Humor Letter and see what was sent out to you, but not delivered by AOL. ---------------------- By the way, that is the only "canned" response that I use. All other mail is answered individually. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A pair of senators met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "I'm a senator. So you've got to hear me out!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Black Rubber Marks on Laminate Floors By Nick Rous [1 Comment] Use lighter fuel on a piece of kitchen towel. The marks come of immediately. No elbow grease required! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast resident. It's funny, AND informative: Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them: 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted fan, Jim. ___________________________________________________
That ONE moment!
____________________________________________________ In Mike's work for a cable-television company, he often encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the TV was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As Mike approached the TV, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom." __________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." ____________________________________________________
Who would have thought a salt mine could be so beautiful.

Today on May 10
1267 Vienna's church orders all Jews to wear distinctive garb
1278 Jews of England imprisoned on charges of coining 
1427 Jews are expelled from Berne Switzerland
1497 Italian navigator Amerigo Vespucci leaves for 
1st voyage to New World
1503 Columbus discovers Cayman Islands 
1534 French navigator Jacques Cartier reaches Newfoundland 
1655 Jamaica captured by English
1752 Benjamin Franklins 1st tests the lightning rod 
1797 1st Navy ship, the "United States" is launched 
1823 1st steamboat to navigate the Mississippi River arrives 
at Fort Snelling
1908 1st Mother's Day observed (Philadelphia) 
1910 1st aircraft air display held (Hendon, England) 
1933 Paraguay declares war on Bolivia 
1940 French troops arrive in Zealand/Brabant Netherlands
1940 Nazi armies invade the Benelux countries of Netherlands, 
Belgium & Luxembourg 
1941 Adolf Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess parachutes into
Scotland 
1941 England's House of Commons & Holborn Theater 
destroyed in a blitz 
1944 Chinese offensive in West-Yunnan 
1945 Allies capture Rangoon from the Japanese 
1945 A week after Germany surrendered, Russian troops 
occupy Prague 
1948 1st attack by Egyptian irregular forces at Kfar Darom
Israel 
1959 Soviet forces arrive in Afghanistan 
1960 US atomic sub USS Triton completes 1st circumnavigation 
of globe under water
1968 Vietnam peace talks began in Paris between the US & 
North Vietnam 
1969 Apollo 10 transmit 1st color pictures of Earth from space
1969 US troops begin attack on Hill 937/Hamburger Hill 
1994 Nelson Mandela sworn in as South Africa's 1st 
black president 
2016  smiled.


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How to open an email attachment 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, May 9

Thank you, Nancy!


Ft McPherson Heroes Click through for full size picture Have FUN! DearWebby
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Florida siblings charged with DUI Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 9, in 1671: Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the Tower of London. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. --- Saint Francis of Assisi Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself. --- Richard Nixon _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
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"Your honor," a defense attorney began, "I have a series of witnesses that can testify that Mr. Johnson was nowhere near the scene of the crime when it occurred." The judge looked at the defense table and said, "This is the third time you've been in this court room this week, and I'm getting sick of hearing your lies." The defendant stood up with a confused expression and said, "Your honor, you must be mistaken. I've never been here in my life." Waving his finger, the judge replied, "I was referring to your lawyer." ______________________________________________________ The temperature had taken an overnight plunge, and Minnesota reaffirmed its reputation as one of the nation's coldest states. Despite a wind-chill of minus 40, the steelworkers erecting a TV tower in a Minneapolis-St. Paul suburb showed up for work. By 9 a.m., a tall Texan climbed down from the tower and entered the construction trailer. He took his lunch pail from the shelf and headed for the door. "What's up?" the foreman asked. "You sick?" "Nope," the Texan replied. "Goin' home to get my jacket." "Where's home?" the foreman persisted. "Dallas," he said. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture These bloomed today ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Josue Moncada, 31, Ercilia Moncada, 41, Ocala, Florida. Florida siblings charged with DUI A 41-woman and her 31-year-old brother were arrested by Florida Highway Patrol troopers and charged with DUI Friday morning. Officials said they received a bulletin to be on the lookout for a reckless driver traveling southbound on Interstate 75 and a trooper spotted the vehicle and was able to stop it on State Road 200 east of Southwest 43rd Street Road. While talking with the driver, later identified as Josue Moncada, the trooper detected alcohol and arrested him on a DUI charge at 2:55 a.m. Minutes later, Moncada's sister, Ercilia Moncada, arrived at the incident location and argued with the trooper about why he was arresting her brother. Another trooper was called to the location and while talking with her, found her to be impaired. After their investigation, she was also arrested on a DUI charge at 3:18 a.m. and placed in second trooper's cruiser. The first trooper left the scene to take Moncada's brother to the Marion County Jail, leaving the second trooper and the woman behind. The woman, who was handcuffed, managed to escape, but was later captured in the 2300 block of Southeast 19th Circle. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ray RE: How to open email attachments Dear Webby, I am receiving e-mails with attachments and can not open them. When I click on the attachment the "window" is not highlighted and nothing happens. What can I do? Thank you, Ray Dear Ray I realize that as far as email is concerned, because I use Eudora, I am leading a very sheltered life. Personally I have not seen that problem yet, but I have been using email for only about 23 years. Find out where your attachments are saved to. All the better email programs let you set that destination. If yours doesn't, copy the name of the attachment and do a search for it with "SearchEverything", or if you have a lot of time, with the Windows Search. Once you have found that location, you should see the extension, the part of the file name after the dot. If it is jpg, gif, or png, it is a picture and usually quite safe. If it is mid, mp3, mp4 or wav, it is sound or video and safe too. If it is pdf or pps, then it is a PDF file or a presentation. Those are usually safe too. If it is DOC or DOCX or XLS or XLSX, then it is from Microsoft Office and it COULD be safe, or it could be extremely dangerous. Check those with a good and reliable virus checker like McAfee. If the file is .zip, dump it fast. Once upon a time .zip was used to compress files or to deliver collections of files over slow internet connections. Nowadays only scammers use .zip files in emails. Dump those. Once you have made sure the attachment file is safe, hit it in the search or go after it with the file explorer. Windows will probably tell you the same as your email program did, that no program is assigned to work with that stuff, but it will let you assign a program and give you some choices. If you don't see any usable choices, then you will have to install a suitable program. Just google for "program to open .xxx" where xxx is the extension of that attachment file. Just pick a free one from a reputable source and install it. During the installation that program will offer to be your default program for opening xxx and a few other types of files. Once that has been assigned, try your email again, and it will open the attachment just like it is supposed to. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Walking downtown one day, I noticed that a music store had just opened. Inside the shop, my attention was caught by a huge Oriental gong, and I went up to take a closer look. The gong was four feet in diameter. On a rope next to it hung a two-foot-long mallet with a top the size of a soft- ball. A piece of notebook paper bearing one word in large letters was taped to the center of the gong. The word was "NO!" ---------------- That reminds me.... During my University days we had two types of students, "Commuter" and "Party-Town". I was a "Commuter", mainly because I had a 5PM to 1AM night job across the nearby border, and only lived 10 miles from the University. "Party-Towners" were the residents of the dorms, frat and sorry houses within walking distance of the University. Since Party-Town was half way between my job and home, and since my bike was a fast but rather chilly ride, I usually stopped at a sorry-house to warm up. (Sorry-House is a sorority house, female version of a frat-house, where you are always greeted with either: "Sorry it's such a mess." or with "Sorry, not tonight, I have a headache.") On one of those warm-up stops a lady I knew from one of my seminars, invited me up to her room to show me her "Multilingual Talking Clock". Yes, you guessed it, it was one of those huge brass gongs. When she grabbed the mallet, I grabbed a couple of pillows. One for each ear. In that tiny, stone-walled room the noise was still awesome. A minute later voices from all over the sorry-house drifted in, all yelling in various different languages something like: "Kock it off, you airhead! It's 1:45 in the morning!" What made it really funny was a few hours later, when we were woken up, ahem, I mean interrupted in our dilligent studying, by a similar gong echoing through the building. Maria twisted my wrist to see my watch, and then screamed: "Knock it off you airhead! It's 4:50 in the morning!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Substituting Tomato Paste for Tomato Sauce By Dorothy [2 Posts, 9 Comments] I often make changes like that, primarily because you get a better-quality product when you do. Try using 1/2 water (or stock if you have any) and 1/2 tomato paste. Add a little Italian seasoning, i.e. basil, oregano, garlic, parsley and a bit of sugar. Start with 1/4 tsp. of each, taste your concoction and go from there. Most recipes are not so finicky that they would suffer from such a change, and the bonus is that there are no unpronounceable ingredients in your sauce. Good luck! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The price of gas has gotten so high in California, that women who want to run over their husbands have started carpooling! ___________________________________________________
Mothers Day Video
____________________________________________________ A generously endowed young lady often got teased by her sisters for being so top-heavy. At a party a young man asked her what she would like to drink. "Diet soda, please," she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D." he said. The girl was furious, wondering which of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped. Surprised at her angry response, the young man meekly answered, "Oh, you know -- the Designated Driver." __________________________________________________ *"If it" office advice* If it rings, answer it. Talk kindly. If it clanks, call the repairman. If it whistles, ignore it. If it is a friend, take a break. If it is the boss, look busy. If it talks, take notes. If it is handwritten, type it. If it is typed, copy it. If it is copied, file it. If it is Friday, forget it! ____________________________________________________
You'll be surprised at what this cute little Australian tree frog eats.

Today on May 9
1429: Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans.

1502: Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to 
the Western Hemisphere. 
1671: Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from the
 Tower of London. 
1754: The first newspaper cartoon in America showed a 
 divided snake "Join or die" in "The Pennsylvania Gazette." 
1785: Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle. 
1825: The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was
the first gas-lit theater in America. 
1901: In Australia, the Duke of Cornwall and York declared
the First Commonwealth Parliament open. 
1904: The Great Western Railway Number 3440 City of Truro
became the first railway locomotive to exceed 100 miles per
hour. 
1915: German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois. 
1926: Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the
first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole. 
1930: A starting gate was used to start a Triple Crown race
for the first time. 
1936: Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia. 
1936: The first sheet of postage stamps of more than one
variety went on sale in New York City. 
1941: The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by
Britain's Royal navy. 
1945: U.S. officials announced that the midnight
entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately. 
1946: King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and was
replaced by Umberto. 
1955: West Germany joined NATO. 
1958: Richard Burton made his network television debut in
the presentation of "Wuthering Heights" on CBS-TV. 
1960: The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved
for sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time. 
1962: A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the
first time. 
1974: The House Judiciary Committee began formal hearings on
the Nixon impeachment. 
1978: The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime
Minister Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center
of Rome. The Red Brigades had abducted him. 
1980: A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge
over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and a
1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed. 
1987: Tom Cruise and Mimi Rogers were married. 
1994: Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first
black president. 
1996: In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR,
U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to do
with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against his former
Whitewater partners. 
2002: In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would
end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity.
Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to several
different countries. The standoff had begun on April 2,
2002. 
2002: In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at
least 130 were injured when a remote-controlled bomb
exploded during a holiday parade. 
2002: In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for
representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years. Women
were allowed to vote for the first time in the country's
history.
2016  smiled.


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Muslim Mayor 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, May 8


Ft McMurray Hero

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh Dad arrested for .6o4 DUI, kids in the backseat Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 8, in 1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. They passed through without much resistance. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) It's harder to make something good when you can't curse all the time. --- Tina Fey _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.
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Katie, an honest seven year old girl, admitted calmly to her parents that Freddie had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but Mary and her sisters helped me catch him and held him down." ______________________________________________________ A Florida officer pulls over old Mrs. Fisher because her hand signals were confusing. "Mirs Fisher," he said, "I know that your turn signal has been stuck on right-turn since you bought that car six years ago, but now your hand signals are getting a bit too confusing for us mere mortals to understand. First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephen Allbritton, Estero, Floriduh Dad arrested for .6o4 DUI, kids in the backseat Lee County Sheriff's deputies arrested Stephen Allbritton Friday morning. They say he was passed out behind the wheel of his SUV with his kids in the backseat. Deputies say he was unresponsive and after they took him to the hospital, doctors found out just how intoxicated he was. Allbritton's blood alcohol content was measured at .604 -- more than seven times the legal limit. Allbritton's B.A.C. was so high he was too drunk to take to jail. Deputies waited seven hours until the level dropped to around 0.4, and he was arrested for DUI and child neglect. Neither Allbritton nor his young kids were hurt. The kids are with their mother. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Margee RE: History Dear Webby, "1998 Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000." And it only took the Muslims 16 years to vote in a Muslim mayor. Hmmm. Why on earth does that sound so UN-democratic?? Margee Dear Margee Until 2016 the non-Muslims still outnumbered the Muslims. Don't worry, the non-Muslims won't have to leave until 2020. They can go to Syria and Iraq. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Bradley and Michael took a job on a farm to eke out a meager existence. One day while Bradley was baling hay, he sees Michael come running up yelling, "Bradley, come quick! Seamus just fell into the manure pit up to his ankles!" Bradley was not alarmed in the least. He asked Michael, "If he's only in up to his ankles, can't he just walk out?" "No," said Michael, running off again. "Grab a shovel, and hurry, he fell in head first!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Archive: Removing ink from a wood table Pour the rubbing alcohol onto the sponge or pad of paper towels. Make sure the sponge or paper towels are soaked in the alcohol solution then rub the alcohol-soaked cloth or towels vigorously into the stain. Rub the stain until the majority of it is gone or absorbed into your rubbing device. (12/29/2009) By ecogirl91304 ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. Dad works twelve hours a day so that I got a nice house and lotsa food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "I saw some suitcases. I think they are trying to escape!" ___________________________________________________
NASA Video : Earth From Space Real Footage - Video From The International Space Station ISS
____________________________________________________ Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?" __________________________________________________ In one job my boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about that policy ever again. ____________________________________________________
Some people just have a little trouble parking.

Today on May 8
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. 
 They passed through without much resistance.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against 
 King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. 
 He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. 
 He was the French chemist who discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. 
 The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what 
 would later be called "Coca-Cola."
1902 Mount Pelee on Martinique erupted and killed over 
 30,000 people and destroyed the town of St. Pierre.
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the 
 Belgian legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that 
 designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union resumed.
1967 Muhammad Ali was indicted for refusing induction in U.S. Army.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on 
 New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota 
 hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th 
 anniversary of Coca-Cola. 78 days later it was dumped.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated 
 from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water in 
 Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of shortages 
 that 2 million already faced.


2016  smiled.


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895-system32 scamware 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, May 7

The Alberta provincial government, which declared a state of
emergency, said more than 1,100 firefighters, 145
helicopters, 138 pieces of heavy equipment and 22 air
tankers are fighting the fire,

The Government of Alberta will match donations to the Red
Cross in support of the people of Fort McMurray.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Pennsylvania brothers busted for selling heroin in Burger king play area Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 7, in 1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for experiments, and they wander off through equation after equation, and eventually build a structure which has no relation to reality. --- Nikola Tesla (1857 - 1943) If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
"St. Patrick's Day Engagement" An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took a close look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock." ______________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Pat Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Otis Pegues, 31, East Pittsburgh, Marlan Byars, 28, West Mifflin, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania brothers busted for selling heroin in Burger king play area Two men are in the Allegheny County Jail after police said they were caught selling heroin in the play area of a North Versailles fast food restaurant. The two men are brothers, and police say one of the men brought his 6-year-old son along with him. Otis Pegues, 31, of East Pittsburgh, and Marlan Byars, 28,of West Mifflin, were arrested on drug, conspiracy and related charges. They were arrested, investigators said, in the kids’ playground area of the North Versailles Burger King. Police say Byars had his 6-year-old son with him at the time. According to police, Pegues set up the buy with an undercover officer. He was allegedly planning to sell 20 bricks of heroin for $4,600. The drugs and money were recovered. Holding her young daughter in her arms, one woman reacted to the arrest saying, “It makes me nervous. I’ve taken my kids [to the Burger King] before, but I probably won’t be taking them there again.” A man in North Versailles said, “It’s real sad, but nothing happens around here anymore that surprises me.” The undercover investigation was conducted by North Versailles and Swissvale Police Departments, working with the Allegheny County District Attorney’s Narcotics Enforcement Team. Police said undercover officers had made previous heroin buys from Pegues during the past two weeks at both the North Versailles Walmart and the Kmart stores. In addition to drug and conspiracy charges, both men face charges of endangering the welfare of a child. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jaye RE: 895-system32 virus Dear Webby, This keeps showing up when I click on something to watch on Yahoo home page???? There is a .net framework file missing possibly due to some harmful virus Debug malware error 895-system32.exe failure. Please contact Microsoft technicians to rectify the issue. Please do not open internet browsers for your security and to avoid data corruption on your registry of your operating system. Please contact Microsoft technicians at: Toll-Free Helpline 1(855) 737-2627 ******************** PLEASE DO NOT SHUT DOWN OR RESTART YOUR COMPUTER. DOING SO MAY LEAD TO DATA LOSS AND OPERATING SYSTEM FAILURE, CAUSING blah, blah, blah Jaye Dear Jaye Don't call that number, unless you wish to tell them what to give your pet goat. Get Malwarebytes. I doublechecked and yes, Malwarebytes does clean that 895 scam ware off your machine. They say if it does not, use the live chat and they will remove the scamware. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Eve called the police. "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!" The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window. "See what I mean, officer." The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head." The lady replied, "Crazy fool, just put a chair on that dresser over there and stand on that! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Grease Splatters Off Walls By Ashersisk [1 Comment] A quality citris cleaner should work well. Make sure its not a watered down version. Home improvement centers with have it. Use it with a soft mildly abrasive cloth or sponge. Apply to area let sit 10-15 mins and wipe. Repeated applications may be needed. If its been there too long you may take the paint off and that would have to be repaired. Mr. Clean pads don't work well I tried that already myself. Whatever you use for cleaning a glass stove top will also work just as well on walls and inside of range hood. I use Weimans, but I bet "Barkeepers Friend" will work too. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Lillemor Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can do. A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English. Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests. The Hotel: The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you. Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! ... You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts. Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers. Above All: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it. ___________________________________________________
Humming birds snore! Yes, just like the partner who kept you awake last night.
____________________________________________________ The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at. __________________________________________________ Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going, you idiot! All that beer, and only such a small boat for a urinal !" ____________________________________________________
Some people just have a little trouble parking.

Today on May 7
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew 
 over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship, was sunk by a German 
 submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was the 
 first time in the history of naval warfare where two enemy 
 fleets fought without seeing each other.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending World War II. 
 It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 Olympic Games 
 by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh at 
 Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected the 
 Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced in 
 the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam veterans 
 who claimed they had suffered injury from exposure to the 
 defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and credit 
 during World War II. Germany exchanged for gold what had been 
 plundered or stolen. Switzerland did not comply with postwar 
 agreements to return the gold.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. 
 It was the largest industrial merger on record. 
1998 Residents of London voted to elect their own mayor for the 
 first time in history. The vote would take place in May 2000.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were killed 
 and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly bombed the 
 Chinese embassy.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered six 
 fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers and others 
 to test drive during the next two years.
2016  smiled.


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How to copy the screen 



Good Morning, ,

Thank you Allene!
Thank you, Sig!

Today is Friday, May 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas woman arrested with dope on her and a fetus in her purse. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 6, in 1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the end of the Renaissance. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. --- Carl Sagan (Like he did with his "Ice Age Is Coming" campaign at the END of the previous cooling ripple, which was the model for Al Gore's "Gullible Warming" campaign, at the END of the warming ripple.) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sandra: Have you tried that nicotine gum to help you quit smoking, Marion? Marion: No, I haven't tried that. Sandra: My mother used it. She's down to one carton a day now. Marion: One carton of cigarettes? Sandra: No, she only smokes one pack of cigarettes a day. Now she has a one 10-pack carton-a-day gum habit!
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance. "This is a very smart dog," the man commented. "Not THAT smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." ______________________________________________________ Shortly after returning home from a trip to Sea World in Florida, a friend went shopping for swimsuits with her children. When she emerged from the dressing room in a contrasting black-and-white suit, her four-year-old daughter exclaimed her approval: "Oh, Mommy, I love it! You look just like Shamu, the fat whale!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bernadette Rivera, 32, San Antonio, Texas. Texas woman arrested with dope on her and a fetus in her purse. Park Police made a startling discovery during an arrest at Cassiano Park west of downtown San Antonio late Thursday night. Officers were making an arrest on 32-year-old Bernadette Rivera for drug possession when they said they also located what appeared to be a human fetus. Multiple sources said police located several felonies worth of illegal narcotics near Rivera's private area. They said the fetus was found inside of a handbag Rivera was carrying. Rivera has been booked on three felony drug charges but has yet to be charged in relation to the fetus. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen RE: Copy the screen Dear Webby, I would love the answer to this one. When I have trouble shutting down my computer, I run it through a couple of programs before going to the start menu. Last night I opened Word and hit "Paste", and in popped a picture of my screen that had been copied earlier in the evening, complete with shortcut bar on the side! I have no idea how I managed to execute a copy command that made a copy of my screen. Can you tell me how to do it again? Thank you! Helen Dear Helen The PrintScreen key will do exactly that. It "prints" the entire screen into the clipboard. If you hold down the ALT key while you hit PrintScreeen, it copies only the contents of the window that is active. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my pee-mail." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Tomato Slices Mesh Bags As Dish Scrubbers Reuse mesh onion bags as pan scrubbers! Just stuff a few into one bag and then tie a knot at the end of the bag! By Michele G from Buchanan, GA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Try this only once and be honest... This is not a joke, but a true test to see what kind of connection to the Internet you are suited for. Read the following sentence: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Now read through the above sentence counting aloud the "F"s as you find them (1...2...etc). Count them aloud, but ONLY ONCE. It makes no difference how many you get on the second or third try. (Answer farther down) ___________________________________________________
Humming birds snore! Yes, just like the partner who kept you awake last night.
____________________________________________________ On a flight I was on a few years ago, this elderly woman kept peering past me out the window. (I always pick window seats, so that I can lean against the wall and snooze) Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the wing tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time." __________________________________________________ The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Tyson," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she muttered under her breath, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Tyson corrected. "It means the car won't start." ======= There are 6 F's ____________________________________________________
Old photos taken at just the right second.

Today on May 6
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of 
 Ghagra, India.
1840 The first adhesive postage stamps went on sale in GB
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1861 Arkansas became the ninth state to secede from the Union.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The act 
 barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, marking 
 the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the exposition was 
 the first automobile in Paris, the Mercedes-Benz.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of the 
 Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on Corregidor 
 surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to 
 Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the Pulitzer 
 Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong Jones. 
 They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris submarine.
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the English Channel 
 links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit against U.S. 
 President Clinton. The case alleged that he had sexually harassed 
 her in 1991.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. 
 She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's wife, 
 Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than 
 $100 million in its first weekend.
2016  smiled.


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Picture of tornado and eagle 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 5

Everybody is helping the evacuees from Fort McMurray.
The OilSands operations are still running, but all off-shift
and non-essential workers are cruising the highway with
drinking water tankers and tidy-tanks with fuel, and giving
their bunk houses to needy families.

There are now over a dozen firefighting helicopter tankers
on site and busy saving houses, but the smoke and falling
ash and tinders make movement on the ground not safe yet.
Military is heading up there, but it is not clear yet, what
they will do, since evacuation is pretty well complete.

By Monday they hope the fire will be burned out or under
control, and the human tide will reverse. People will come
back and rebuild. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 19 year old charged with arson in connection to Mayerthorpe CN Rail trestle bridge fire. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 5, in 1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when he made a 15 minute suborbital flight. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. --- Mick Jagger (1943 - ) Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong, just like Popeye. Then you can get a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From the archive I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. "But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained. "Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
For a holiday, Patty Murphy from Dublin decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "We're saved!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Sure," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!" ______________________________________________________ What's a million years like Little Johnny asked God "What's a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny couldn't understand eternity God said "A million years is like a minute to me." Johnny: Wow! What's a million dollars like? God: A million dollars is like a penny to me. Johnny: Gee God you're so generous. Can I have one of your pennies? God: Sure Johnny, just hang on a minute till I find something that small. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lawson Michael Schalm 19, Mayerthorpe, Alberta 19 year old charged with arson in connection to Mayerthorpe CN Rail trestle bridge fire. Mayerthorpe RCMP have charged a 19-year-old man with 18 counts of arson in relation to a fire that burned the CN trestle bridge on Tuesday. Mayerthorpe, about 120 kilometres northwest of Edmonton, saw as many as 21 suspicious fires over a six day period. Lawson Michael Schalm, who is from Mayerthorpe, is charged in connection to many of them. Schalm is the son of former mayor Albert Schalm. He was the mayor of Mayerthorpe when four RCMP officers were killed near the town in 2005. A Facebook page for Schalm includes photos showing the young man dressed in a firefighter cadet uniform and bunker gear. The article says the Mayerthorpe fire department has a cadets program. Youth can join at the age of 15. When they turn 17, they are allowed to respond to general fire calls, it says. The arson case was high priority within the Mayerthorpe detachment. Cpl. Sharon Franks said RCMP were able to find and charge the man because of "numerous tips" from the public. "The dry conditions certainly made it concerning for us and a lot of the officers from Mayerthorpe were certainly focused on finding the person responsible," said Franks. The CN bridge fire forced the evacuation of nearby schools and a trailer park with 38 mobile homes. Some Lac St. Anne County residents living nearby were also told to be ready to leave on one-hour notice. Mayerthorpe fire chief Randy Schroeder said last week almost three dozen firefighters from four different fire departments in the area were called to help douse the flames, alongside agriculture and forestry services members, helicopters and a water bomber. The loss of the bridge will impact the lumber and oil industries "extensively" Schroeder said. Schalm will remain in custody until he makes his first court appearance on May 4th at Stony Plain Provincial Court. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gus RE: Old picture of tornado and eagle Dear Webby, I love your humor email. I have one problem that maybe you can help with. I put a photo from your email on my desktop and now everybody that sees it also wants it. It is the one with the desert scene and the approaching tornado that is an American eagle. Is there a way to access old homor letters or photos?? Gus I upload a fresh Humor Letter every night and overwrite the previous one. Most people just read it on-line at http://webby.com/humor, because they are not supposed to get personal mail at work. Only a very small percentage (about 24000 people for the HTML version) get it in actual email. Because the pictures have a different name every day, they are not overwritten and I usually leave them up on the server for for a year, but take them down if people link to them. The picture that you are referring to is "Storm Brewing". Unfortunately I don't know the name of the artist who created it. I had to take that picture down but for now have uploaded three versions of the picture onto the server again: http://webby.com/humor/StormBrewing-450x338.jpg That is the size you see above, small enough to paste into emails. However, don't link to it ! Just save it to your computer and insert or embed or attach it. If the AOLers and WebTVers find it and a Million of them link it into their email signatures again, I'll take it down again. http://webby.com/humor/StormBrewing600x450.jpg is a bit bigger. That one is 43.5 KB but still loads fairly fast. http://webby.com/humor/StormBrewing-5x375-1500x1000.jpg That picture is 1500 x 1000 pixels at 300 dots per inch and sized for printing a 5" x 3.75" or larger photo. With good quality photo print paper you can get it to look quite decent even at 10" x 8" and frame it in a 14" x 12" frame. Naturally at that size and printer resolution that picture will take a while to load even with a fast DSL connection. Those comments about not linking apply not just to the pictures I upload for you. No webmaster can afford the file transfer bills if a lot of people link to their pictures. Some just take the pictures down when that happens, but many replace them with really nasty pictures that will embarrass the abuser. If you want the picture, best to download it today or tomorrow, because most likely I will have to take it down again in a few days. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Growing Tomato Slices By ShirleyE [74 Posts, 54 Comments] I don't mean you can get ready sliced tomatoes off a plant :0) that would be silly. However, rather than pay for an expensive pack of seeds, or go to the trouble of picking seeds out of a tomato and drying them, you can actually plant slices of tomatoes. It's so easy to do. Simply lay them out, cover with compost and keep them watered. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students: Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. ------- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. ------- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. ------- The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. ------- The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. ------- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him ------- Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines. ------- When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus, - in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. ------- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. ___________________________________________________
Humming birds snore! Yes, just like the partner who kept you awake last night.
____________________________________________________ Selma and Irving receive a wedding invitation in the mail. Since it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding. All was fine until they reached the last line. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this "RSVP" mean?" Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply couldn't remember. Finally, she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!" __________________________________________________ A flight attendant noticed a passenger clutching the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white. "Are you nervous?" she asked. "I'm petrified!" said the man. "I don't travel well in the best of times, but lately . . ." "I understand," the attendant said. "You must develop a sense of balance and reality about such things. Some say, if it's your time, it's your time. There's nothing you can do." "I know," said the man, "but I'd feel better on the train." "The train?" chuckled the attendant. "Did you read about the train going through Death Valley last month? A clear, hot day; miles of visibility; nothing near the track for miles; then - Boom! - the train exploded and all was lost." "Heavens!" said the man. "What happened?" Answered the attendant: "A plane fell on it." ____________________________________________________
Stunning photos of abandoned places around the world. It's so sad to see these once beautiful places gone to ruin.

Today on May 5
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip 
 to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the 
 USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was 
 launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
 It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY.
1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated 
 as Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing 
 slavery in the U.S.
1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was 
 later renamed Carnegie Hall.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese 
 Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese 
 in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation.
1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at 
 the Church of St. Andrew in New York City.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was 
 arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in 
 Germany for the first time.
1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith."
1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on 
 bottle cap with a pour lip.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazis.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
 in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became 
 a sovereign state.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened.
2016  smiled.


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Safe PDF viewer/editor 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 4

Started mowing this afternoon, but after doing the edges
had to stop. 50 degrees (120 in British Empire Fahrenheit)
is too hot without a wind. Well, the grass is not going to
run away. I'll go after it when it cools off in the morning.

Fort McMurray, the town north of here, known for oil sands, 
has a major wild fire. 70,000 people had to run. Forced
evacuation.

Forest fire erupts behind reporter

Shelter for the 70,000 + people is getting organized via
FaceBook and Skype.

Shelter for Ft McMurray Refugees




>From Bill M
Hello Webby,
In my version of Microsoft Word, to add or remove horizontal
and vertical scroll bars: 

Left-click the ball at the top left corner of the screen >
left-click on Word Options at the bottom of the dialog box >
left-click on Advanced in the Word Options dialog box >
scroll down to Display > check or uncheck the "Show
Horizontal scroll bar" and the Show vertical scroll bar".
Click on OK
I don't see a Tools menu.
Bill Moore

Thanks Bill


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Memphis Ministry prophetess, who stole $60K that were intended for a summer feeding program for low-income children. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 4, in 1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A 6 year old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service, "And forgive us our gas passes, as we forgive those who passed gas against us." _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion, then she gives him his opinion.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Bobbie A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thasch why you alwaysch feel scho musch schmarter after a few beers. ______________________________________________________ Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Arthur, "How come you aren't married?" Arthur: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Arthur: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Arthur: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeanette Jives-Nealy, 48, Memphis, Tennessee Ministry prophetess stole $60K that were intended for a summer feeding program for low-income children. Jeanette Jives-Nealy, worked at Kingdom Dominion Worldwide Ministries of Memphis, Tennessee. A former Memphis woman has been indicted in a TBI theft investigation. The woman is accused of stealing money intended to fund a summer program for low-income children. TBI According to a press release, 48-year-old Jeanette Jives-Nealy was indicted Tuesday by the Shelby County Grand Jury and charged with one count of Theft over $60,000. Nealy is a former prophetess of Kingdom Dominion Worldwide Ministries of Memphis. The release states the nonprofit organization’s financial statements were investigated for discrepancies in 2014 by TBI Special Agents. During the course of the investigation, investigators developed information that Nealy was the individual responsible for the missing funds, according to the release. Officials say the funds were provided by the Tennessee Department of Human Services and were intended to fund a 2014 summer program food feeding program for low-income children. Nealy currently resides in Tampa, Florida where she was arrested without incident Friday by the Florida Department of Corrections Tampa Circuit Office, according to authorities. Officials say Nealy was booked into the Hillsborough County, Florida Jail, where at the time of the release she was being held without bail, awaiting extradition to Shelby County, Tennessee. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John RE: Vertical scroll bar in WORD Dear Webby, Good Morning Webby, My wife is running Vista Home and has run into a problem. Â She received a document that needs Adobe Reader XI to open. Is it safe to download Adobe Reader. Daily Voter, Bob Hi Bob ANY PDF reader will do. Adobe Reader is OK, but rather limited. I use Nitro, a PDF reader / Editor. With that you can even fill out PDF forms from the IRS. I routinely use that for any forms, not just tax, fill them out, paste my signature, then "print" it to FAX, and pint it on THEIR paper. Nitro is at https://www.gonitro.com/pdf-reader but nowadays, there are quite a few other free PDF editors available, Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie-goldie that came back to me today. Thanks to Ginnie for sending it! Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them. Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can. Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye. While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but if it does, I am going to become a Catholic!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Styrofoam Meat Trays I found another use for styrofoam meat trays! I needed a nice surface to put a hot pizza on that wouldn't heat up the counter top. These are invaluable for all kinds of things, but a hot pad was the one I thought was the most useful at the time. They are also great for under planters, draining bacon and sausage on with a paper towel or two, spoon and utensil rests when making multiple meals, and so much more. N-JOY! Source: My own need to keep the counters safe and clean. By Poor But Proud from Salem OR ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A sarcastic voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right." ___________________________________________________
pontoon plane takes off from flatbed behind pickup
____________________________________________________ A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon. __________________________________________________ The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to Paul was free, his male ego soared. Soon they were chatting pleasantly, and she told him it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my dad." ____________________________________________________
There is so much beauty in just a drop of water.

Today on May 4
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians 
 at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between 
 Spain and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. 
 Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for 
 $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months 
 before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France, 
 and massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the 
 island of Elba in the Mediterranean.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a 
 demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1930 Mahatma Gandhi was arrested by the British.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal 
 prison for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay 
 ended. Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman 
 prime minister.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted 
 of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted 
 of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair. 
 The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life 
 sentences plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA. 
 The sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski 
 the death penalty.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
$106.5 million. 
2016  smiled.


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Vertical scroll bar in WORD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a New Hampshire man wearing a “This Guy Needs A Beer” t- shirt was arrested for drunk driving after crashing his car. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 3, in 1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are only 1/100th of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "That would be about four slices of roast beef in the deli where I worked. I can cut ham so thin, that it is kosher." _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob and his wife have structured conversations: firstly, she gives him her opinion, then she gives him his opinion.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
After ten years of twice weekly therapy, Sharon decided to ask her psychiatrist if she had made any progress. His answer, though very brief and succinct, absolutely devastated her. He said:"'No hablo ingles." ______________________________________________________ A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads: "Here lies Shirley, wife of Morris Schwartz, L. L. D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice, and Immigration Legal Services " Suddenly, Morris bursts into tears. His brother-in-law says, "You should cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this on Shirley's tombstone !" Through his tears, Morris sobs, "Oy, you don't understand! The phone number and Email was left out!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture by her friend Ann ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Tackett, 29, Kensington, New Hampshire A New Hampshire man wearing a “This Guy Needs A Beer” t-shirt was arrested for drunk driving after crashing his car. A New Hampshire man wearing a “This Guy Needs A Beer” t- shirt was arrested for drunk driving after crashing his car Friday evening. Joshua Tackett, 29, was nabbed after his Chevy Cruz veered off the road in the town of Kensington (pop. 2124). The auto hit a stone wall, a granite post, and a utility pole before coming to a stop across the street from the Kensington Police Department headquarters. Pictured above, Tackett was arrested for drunk driving and booked into the local jail (from which he was later released on $750 bail). Tackett suffered minor injuries in the crash, but declined medical treatment. He is scheduled to be arraigned Wednesday on the misdemeanor charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John RE: Vertical scroll bar in WORD Dear Webby, In Microshaft Word, I have lost my scroll/slider bar on the right side of the window that allows me to go up and down in the document. Thankful for wheel mice or I wouldn't be able to do any reasonable editing. Any ideas on how to get it back? John Dear John To display or hide scroll bars On the Tools menu, click Options, and then click the View tab. Under Show, select or clear the Horizontal scroll bar and Vertical scroll bar check boxes. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?" The new member replied, "Yes, sure. How about my mother-in-law?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweet Potato Fries This is the easiest way I've found to make sweet potato (or any other type of) fries. Ingredients: sweet potato (1 or enough to serve your family/guests) Italian dressing (I use bottled "house" Italian) pepper (to taste) paprika (to taste) The Italian dressing takes care of most of the seasonings, and I do not need to add any more salt. Directions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a jelly roll pan with aluminum foil for easy clean up. Wash sweet potato and cut into quarter inch fries (I leave the skin on). Drizzle Italian dressing lightly over fries. The amount you use will depend on the number of potatoes you are serving. Sprinkle with seasonings (to taste). Toss lightly with your fingers to coat all the potatoes, then spread flat in one layer the cookie sheet. Bake for 20-30 minutes to desired crispness. Serve with Ranch dressing as a dip. Source: I saw something similar for regular potatoes in a magazine several years ago. Finally tried it with the sweet potato fries. Yum! By skeesics56 from NW OH ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit. My seven- year-old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 183." My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" ___________________________________________________
Our beautiful planet
____________________________________________________ "Dawn," asked Mary thoughtfully one day, "what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?" "Another woman with MY husband?" Dawn thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from." __________________________________________________ The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced at the trade fair. "Listen to these features: it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all..." "Very impressive," interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, "but before I place an order I'll have to try it out." "Be my guest," said the manufacturer graciously. No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth: "One at a time, please, one at a time!" He didn't place an order. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful painted landscapes on fallen logs.

Today on May 3
1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 - France declared war on Austria.
1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were 
 executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from 
 the Japanese.
1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants 
 prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other 
 minorities were legally unenforceable.
1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook 
 Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North 
 Vietnamese had evacuated the area.
1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations 
 in Washington, DC.
1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned 
 Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after 
 liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy 
 Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule 
 her husband's activities.
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, 
 CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the 
 acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities 
 ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. 
 The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people 
 in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias 
 Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his 
 role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on 
 September 11, 2001. 

2016  smiled.


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Upgrade IQ chip 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas elementary school teacher arrested for giving alcohol to minors Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 2, in 1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. More than 350 people died. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens." --- Abraham Lincoln There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another one on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck." He passed out.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?" The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, sister. But I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand." "I can handle that without a problem," the other nun replied. Then she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer. "We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it catholic shampoo." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: "The curlers are on the house." ______________________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "if that caught on, that would definitely revolutionize the game of hockey!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to my dad for this picture: This one bloomed today. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan William Dickson, 39, Des Moines, Iowa Arkansas elementary school teacher arrested for giving alcohol to minors A Sherwood elementary school teacher accused of giving alcohol to more than 30 minors at an after-prom party has been suspended, a district spokesman said Monday. Marcie Duncan, 48, who works at William Jefferson Clinton Elementary School, is suspended pending an internal investigation in accordance with district policy, Deb Roush of the Pulaski County Special School District said. Duncan teaches fourth grade and has worked at the school for eight years, according to the school's website. Duncan was arrested Sunday and charged with 33 counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, 33 counts of furnishing alcohol to a minor, two counts of third-degree endangering the welfare of a minor and violation of the Arkansas Social Host Law, according to information provided by the Lonoke County jail. Deputies arrested Duncan after they responded around 4 a.m. to a party on her family's property near West Lewisburg Road, Lonoke County Sheriff John Staley said. They found several empty alcohol containers as well as a full-sized keg. Duncan, who appeared intoxicated while talking to police, said she had "everything under control" and didn't see a problem because she had been there the entire night making sure everyone was OK, according to a news release from the sheriff's office. Staley said that several intoxicated students between the ages of 15 and 18 were passed out throughout the premises. Others tried to hide in the nearby woods or escape in their cars, he said. Deputies called students' parents as well as an ambulance for those who were extremely intoxicated, Staley said. None was taken to a hospital for treatment. Duncan was released from the Lonoke County jail Sunday on a $21,000 bond, the sheriff said Monday. 4th grade, 15 - 18 years old and driving their own pick- ups? Must be Arkansas ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: None RE: No Question today No question Here is an ancient joke about tech support: Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? " Tech Support: "It's actually fairly easy if you had the IQ chip upgraded lately. Have you had that done?" Customer: "No, I don't think so. I'm always one of the last to get the new stuff." Tech Support: "OK, then go tell your manager that I said you qualify for an IQ upgrade." Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. -------------- Dr Bubba Trailerjack, who bought his degree from Menthol State Unifercity, summed it up quite succinctly: "You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweet Potato Fries This is the easiest way I've found to make sweet potato (or any other type of) fries. Ingredients: sweet potato (1 or enough to serve your family/guests) Italian dressing (I use bottled "house" Italian) pepper (to taste) paprika (to taste) The Italian dressing takes care of most of the seasonings, and I do not need to add any more salt. Directions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a jelly roll pan with aluminum foil for easy clean up. Wash sweet potato and cut into quarter inch fries (I leave the skin on). Drizzle Italian dressing lightly over fries. The amount you use will depend on the number of potatoes you are serving. Sprinkle with seasonings (to taste). Toss lightly with your fingers to coat all the potatoes, then spread flat in one layer the cookie sheet. Bake for 20-30 minutes to desired crispness. Serve with Ranch dressing as a dip. Source: I saw something similar for regular potatoes in a magazine several years ago. Finally tried it with the sweet potato fries. Yum! By skeesics56 from NW OH ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Various organizational philosophies explained in "two cow" terms. Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk. Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk. Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain. Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead. Democratic: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government. Conservative: You have two cows. You hide one in the back yard and sell the milk from it to neighbors for cash to raise the money to pay for the tax on the front yard cow. California: You have two cows and paint minority rights slogans onto them. The government gives you two more cows. New York: You have two cows. You sell one cow so that you can afford to send the other one to an off-shore farm on an island that you can't find on the map. ___________________________________________________
42 times will get you to the moon!
____________________________________________________ After making a silly mistake, an instructor tried to excuse his absentmindedness by telling the class of his plans to propose marriage to his girlfriend later that day. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet." __________________________________________________ When my neighbor's 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. His mother was not so pleased. She turned turned her mother and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Her mother smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember..." ____________________________________________________
Dublin, Ireland from 100+ years ago.

Today on May 2
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's 
 King Charles II.
1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American 
 rebels fighting the British.
1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead 
 to the rest of the fleet.
1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British 
 troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo.
1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon.
1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at 
 Grossgorschen.
1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward for 
 the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II 
 of Belgium.
1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published.
1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid 
 photographic film. This is the film from which movies are 
 shown.
1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film 
 was released. It was created by magician George Melies.
1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt 
 and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until 
 1933.
1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany.
1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq 
 and that country’s pro-German faction.
1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce 
 house-to-house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender 
 of Nazi troops in Italy and parts of Austria.
1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison.
1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit television 
 pictures across the Atlantic.
1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State University 
burn down the campus ROTC building. The National Guard took 
 control of the campus.
1974 Former U.S. Vice President Spiro T. Agnew was disbarred by 
 the Maryland Court of Appeals.
1974 The filming of "Jaws" began in Martha's Vineyard, MA.
1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's only 
 cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland Islands War. 
 More than 350 people died.
1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's first 
 democratic elections.
1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista 
 Party, was elected president. 
2016  smiled.


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Copying just a small selection 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Man, who arrived at job interview for a taxi company drunk and hits 2 cars in the parking lot before going inside for his interview. Ryan William Dickson, is arrested for drunk driving in Des Moines. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 1, in 1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. --- John Adams (1735 - 1826) That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ______________________________________________________ A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of the bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye, Bye. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan William Dickson, 39, Des Moines, Iowa Man arrives at job interview for a taxi company drunk and hits 2 cars in the parking lot before going inside for his interview. Ryan William Dickson, is arrested for drunk driving in Des Moines, Iowa. A Des Moines man was arrested Monday after he allegedly drove himself drunk to an interview with a taxi cab company, hitting parked cars in the lot. Ryan William Dickson, 39, arrived for his interview with Trans Iowa, a taxicab and shuttle company on Army Post Road, at 9:25 a.m., but had a little trouble parking. That’s likely because he blew a .273 on a preliminary breath test, which is three-times the legal limit to drive, according to a police report. A woman on her smoke break saw Dickson trying to maneuver into a parking space, but hit an adjacent car while he was backing up, the report states. Dickson straightened out and pulled into the space, but he crashed into the car in front of him. At first, Dickson told police he hadn’t been drinking, but admitted it later. He said he’d stopped drinking around 2 that morning and went to the hospital for his alcohol consumption. The hospital released him at about 8 a.m., Dickson said, but he drank another fifth of vodka afterward, the report states. When police asked him to complete a walk and turn test at the scene, Dickson began to fall and had to be caught by officers. He said he couldn’t complete the rest of the field sobriety test. He was arrested for operating while intoxicated and booked into the Polk County Jail, but was released later that day. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marge RE: Copy just portions of text Dear Webby Now for the real question. There are times when I want to save just one or two of the jokes but I can't seem to do it. What is the right way to do this? Marge Dear Marge Line up the joke that you want to copy so that all of it shows on the screen. Click at the begin of it, hold down the SHIFT key, and without letting go of it, click the mouse at the end of the joke. Now it is highlighted. Hit CTRL and C simultaneously to copy it. Jump to where you want to paste it, click at the spot where you want it, and hit CTRL V to paste it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where have you been?" asks his wife. "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and even a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife. She calls the Golden Bar. "Do you have golden chairs?" "Yes." "Do you have golden glasses?" "Yes." "Do you have golden beer?" "Yes." "Do you have a golden urinal?" "Hold on." On the other end, she hears "Hey Bob! I think we have a line on the guy who messed up your tuba!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kentucky Style Fried Chicken Found this at "The Cooking Nook". Ingredients 1 whole chicken, cut into pieces 2 - 3 eggs, beaten 3 - 4 Tbsp. oil for frying Coating Mixture: 2 cups flour 4 tsp. paprika 2 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 - 1 tsp. pepper 1 tsp. poultry seasoning 1 tsp. thyme 1 tsp. oregano 1 tsp. tarragon 1/2 tsp. garlic salt 1/2 t. onion salt 1/2 tsp. celery salt Directions Mix together all the coating ingredients and place in a clean plastic bag. Dip each piece into beaten egg, then into the flour mixture in the bag. Coat the chicken completely with the flour mixture. Place the oil in a skillet and heat. Brown the chicken in oil slowly (225 degrees F, if you are using an electric skillet), uncovered. Cover the skillet and continue to fry at a very low heat until the chicken is fully cooked, approximately 1 hour. Drain well on paper towels. Tips and Variations: This recipe can be prepared using a deep fryer and is actually perfect for the fryer. Follow the directions on your fryer. Make sure your oil is hot before adding the chicken. The chicken shouldn't be greasy when it is cooked in hot oil, but if the oil is cool, it will absorb the grease. By redskin. from Brockville, Ont., Can. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I like them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." ___________________________________________________
bohemian rhapsody - cool version :)
____________________________________________________ Bob was having a little trouble with a leg so he went to the doctor. "You have a touch of gout," the doctor said. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "What?" said the man. "Just so I can walk a little better? Forget it !" __________________________________________________ During her stay at an expensive hotel in Sue woke upin the middle of the night with an upset stomach. She called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When she looked at the charge slip, she was instantly furious. Sue calledroom service and raged, "I know I'm in a luxury hotel,but $11.50 for six crackers is ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end cooly explained........."Ma'am, I believe you are complaining about your room number sir." ____________________________________________________
Welcome to Longyearbyen, the Northernmost Town on Earth

Today on May 1
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople.
1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because 
 he refused his share of the Hapbsburg lands. 
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund 
 an expedition to the West Indies. 
1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. 
1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed 
 slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or 
 deportation. 
1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began. 
 General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union 
 troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General 
 Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers 
 in this battle. (May 1-4) 
1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter registration. 
1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all Federal 
 troops from the South, ending Reconstruction. 
1884 The construction of the first American 10-story 
 building began in Chicago, IL. 
1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The 
 Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug 
 business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. 
 Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did 
 not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost 
 of $2,300. 
1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet 
 at Manila Bay in the Philippines. 
1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer. 
1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 
1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 
1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated 
 and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest 
 building in the world at the time. 
1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal 
 for independence. 
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of 
 neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 
1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, 
 made its first flight. 
1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, 
 escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army 
 advanced on Berlin. 
1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of 
 the Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler suicided. 
1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) 
 was proclaimed. 
1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts 
 encircled Earth. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 
1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more 
 elections in Cuba. 
1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua. 
1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the 
 support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North 
 Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 
1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown 
 Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 
1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit 
 passenger car exports to the United States over the next 
 three years. 
1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear 
 power plant accident. 
1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his 
 Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a 
 speed of 212.229 mph. 
1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting 
 from the Rodney King beating trial, King appeared in 
 public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 
1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts 
 that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 
1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers 
 discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in 
 June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to 
 reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery 
 it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually 
 reached the summit. 
2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her 
 remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. 
 California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in 
 the case due to his relationship with Levy. 
2011 It was announced that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama 
 bin Laden in Pakistan.
2016  smiled.


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Is it necessary to back up drivers? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 30, in 1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France for $15 million. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker. --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." --- Franklin P. Jones _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Women hate self-service gas stations. The service is always so poor ... and slow too.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!" ______________________________________________________ Three old pilots walking on the ramp. The first one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one yells in reply, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one hollers back, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" ______________________________________________________ Taber ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Bailey, 31, Albany, Indiana Indiana REGIONAL Burglar sues homeowner claiming he suffered 'serious and permanent damage' when he was shot in the arm by the resident as he fled the scene A burglar who broke into an Indiana man's garage two years ago has sued the homeowner for shooting him during the incident. David Bailey, now 31, of Albany, Indiana, broke into David McLaughlin's Dunkirk garage on April 21, 2014, authorities said. McLaughlin, now 33, fired gunshots at the intruder as he fled, hitting Bailey in the left arm as he ran through an alley. Bailey's lawsuit, which was filed last week against McLaughlin, asks for 'a monetary award in an amount sufficient to compensate (Bailey) for all damages', according to KSDK. David Bailey (pictured), 31, of Albany, Indiana, broke into David McLaughlin's Dunkirk garage on April 21, 2014 ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brie RE: Driver Updates Dear Webby Our consultant tried to sell us a program that backs up all the drivers for printers and so on. Do we really need that? Brie Dear Brie I used to back up drivers but found that to be a silly nuisance. Some of them won't install properly unless installed from the CD that came with the device they are for, and some have become obsolete. For example, if you send a printer to the garage sale and get a new one, do you really bother to get rid of the driver for the old one? The same goes for fax programs. Each one that you try and discard leaves behind a driver. That of course leads to a dangerous accumulation of drivers that may or may not interfere with each other or other programs. At best they waste time during start-up, at worst they prevent programs or devices from operating as well as they should. Drivers are easy enough to download from the manufacturers web site, and if you get a CD with a new device, store that in a ziplock bag taped to the side of the computer or desk. That way, if you replace the harddrive or the computer, you got everything handy. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ At 75 Millie still walked down to the park every day, sat on "HER" bench and fed old bread from the old folks home kitchen to the birds. One day she picked up a whole loaf that had gone past it's prime instead of the buns she usually got. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each bird with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of dumb birds that could find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. She smiled at him and exclaimed:" That is an excellent idea!" Then she handed him the half loaf of bread she still had, and said: "Here, you bring it to them." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kentucky Style Fried Chicken Found this at "The Cooking Nook". Ingredients 1 whole chicken, cut into pieces 2 - 3 eggs, beaten 3 - 4 Tbsp. oil for frying Coating Mixture: 2 cups flour 4 tsp. paprika 2 1/2 tsp. salt 1/2 - 1 tsp. pepper 1 tsp. poultry seasoning 1 tsp. thyme 1 tsp. oregano 1 tsp. tarragon 1/2 tsp. garlic salt 1/2 t. onion salt 1/2 tsp. celery salt Directions Mix together all the coating ingredients and place in a clean plastic bag. Dip each piece into beaten egg, then into the flour mixture in the bag. Coat the chicken completely with the flour mixture. Place the oil in a skillet and heat. Brown the chicken in oil slowly (225 degrees F, if you are using an electric skillet), uncovered. Cover the skillet and continue to fry at a very low heat until the chicken is fully cooked, approximately 1 hour. Drain well on paper towels. Tips and Variations: This recipe can be prepared using a deep fryer and is actually perfect for the fryer. Follow the directions on your fryer. Make sure your oil is hot before adding the chicken. The chicken shouldn't be greasy when it is cooked in hot oil, but if the oil is cool, it will absorb the grease. By redskin. from Brockville, Ont., Can. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I walked home." ___________________________________________________
mason bee pulling a nail out of a cement block
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert ! From Ms Myrna What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. __________________________________________________ An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross- examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness said meekly, "MY mother did." ____________________________________________________
25 Cell Phone Towers Disguised to Look Like Something Else

Today on April 30
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 
0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern empire.
1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million dollars. 
1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France 
 for $15 million. 
1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe 
 Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 
1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work would 
 allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail over the 
 rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 
1900 Hawaii was organized as an official U.S. territory. 
1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway 
 train "Cannonball Express." 
1938 Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare Hunt." 
 This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 
1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights 
 was put into service. The train car was known as the 
 "General Pershing Zephyr." 
1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who 
 never was,' a dead man the British planted with false 
 invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast 
 of Spain. 
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had 
 been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered 
 unconditionally. 
1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back 
 to Hoover Dam. 
1964 The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped to 
 receive both VHF and UHF channels. 
1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in 
 the village of Dai Do. 
1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North Vietnamese 
 Army base areas. The announcement by U.S. President Nixon 
 led to widespread protests. 
1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South. 
1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the 
 Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines 
 lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to 
 evacuate. 
1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 
1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific 
 agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that 
 would make it easier for American companies to operate 
 in China. 
1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone 
 that hit Bangladesh. 
1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the 
 Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted 
 the following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 
1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that 
 would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 
1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor 
 $2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on 
 ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 
2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was 
overwhelmingly approved for another five years as 
president. 
2016  smiled.


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How to avoid network Logon hassle 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 29, in 1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up: "You've been on for five miles--that'll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds: "I ha'not, I want a ha'penny fare, just got on this vera moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "Not only are ya trin' to overcharge me for the ticket -- but now you're gone 'n drowned me boy Jonny."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
During a readiness exerciseBob and Jim were guarding the entrance to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept. When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it. "I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane." "Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage, and if you don't change your attitude right f....riendly now, you will never see it again!" ______________________________________________________ Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner! ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jarious Treymayne Mock 20 High Point, North Carolina NC man arrested when he tried to pay bail with counterfeit money A 20-year-old High Point man's bail jumped from $200 to $2,000 tonight after authorities added charges that he tried to pay his original bail with counterfeit money. Magistrates said it all started when Jarious Treymayne Mock of 728 Forrest St. walked out of a Greensboro night club, saw nearby police officers and yelled, “Screw the police,” but in a more graphic manner. That got the Greensboro officers’ attention, magistrates said. The officers ran a check on Mock and found he was wanted on a warrant on a charge of failing to appear in court, a charge that normally carries a $200 bail. As he was processed in the Guilford County jail, officers asked him if he’d like to pay his bail with cash in his wallet. He agreed and officers pulled money out of the wallet. Authorities said a $100 bill and a $20 bill from the wallet were both counterfeit. Mock now faces a charge of possession of a counterfeit instrument or currency. He remains in the Guilford County jail. His bail is now $2,000. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don RE: Network Logon Hassle Dear Webby my day would not be complete with out the Humor Letter, I love it, thanks for sending it to me. I have a problem, I recently sign up for SBC DSL and after installing the software for it, I now receive the following message every time I boot my computer: "Enter your network password for Microsoft Networking", I haven't put in a password because I don't want that message to come up every time the computer is booted. Can you tell me what to do to get rid of the message, so I don't have to click cancel every time I boot? Thank you for your help. Don Dear Don Try this: Click the Start menu, mouse over Settings, then click the control panel. Double-click the Network icon. Under "Primary Network Logon," selected the "Microsoft Network Logon." Depending on your version and set-up, you may have to mouse around a bit there till you find the spot to give the primary network user a name. Any short nickname usually does the trick. After restarting, when the logon window comes up, enter that user name, leave the password blank, and hit Enter. When your computer asks you to confirm that blank password, hit Enter again. After that, you should never see the logon screen again. That blank password trick does not work when the user has not been given a name. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert Users - People who press keys on other peoples computers. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Drink Bottle for Watering Seeds By ShirleyE [71 Posts, 53 Comments] Seeds and seedlings of course need watering carefully so they don't get battered or washed about. If you don't have a small watering can you can use a drink bottle. Carefully make holes in the lid. This is best done with a drill bit, but if you don't possess a drill you can use pointed scissors. Be very careful if using scissors as they can slip or pierce quite suddenly and injure you. Make sure you use a wooden board and press the scissor point directly downwards. Now you can fill the bottle, replace the lid and use it like a watering can. Do yourself a favor and use a nail to poke the holes. Scissors tend to suddenly close and hurt you. Nails won't do that. By the way, if you don't have a hammer, use a package of frozen ground meat as a hammer, not an expensive shoe! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'p-u-t' or 'p-u-t-t'?" she asked the instructor. "'P-u-t-t' is correct," he replied. "'P-u-t' means to place a thing where you want it. 'P-u-t-t' means a vain attempt to do that." ___________________________________________________
for mother's day
____________________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't notice," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church!" __________________________________________________ Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his lover said. After marriage, many men fall asleep before their wife finishes talking. ____________________________________________________
A Giant Gallery of Unique Staircase Designs. I would fall through some of these!

Today on April 29
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli.
1429 Joan of Arc lead Orleans, France, to victory over Britain.
1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan.
1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands.
1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel.
1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus published.
1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont.
1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War.
1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper.
1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba.
1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was 
 completed for Lindbergh.
1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered 
 unconditionally to the Allies.
1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun 
 were married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz 
 his successor.
1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted 
 in Tokyo as war criminals.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing 
 edited transcripts of secretly made White House tape 
 recordings related to the Watergate scandal.
1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North 
 Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon.
1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor 
 went online after a long delay due to protests.
1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began.
1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside 
 his Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale 
 was a former Exxon security official. Reso died while 
 in captivity.
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit 
 four Los Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating 
 trial. 54 people were killed in 3 days.
1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which 
 granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, 
 control trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the 
 Gaza Strip and Jericho.
1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion 
 in NAFTA trade.
1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of 
 Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado.
2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO 
 headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia. 
 Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 
2016  smiled.


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Adding a wireless machine to a wired W10 network 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 28

The fox at the end of the street has 2 young ones this year,
and they were outside the first time today, bouncing around,
chasing bugs and butterflies as if they had not made up their
mind whether they are going to be pups or kittens. I'll take
my camera along on my walk tomorrow evening.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a PA woman, who was arrested after she was found with counterfeit credit cards, fake IDs and erratically driving a $125,000 BMW, that was not hers. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 28, in 1789:A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not? --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ ==From Jennie Dear Webby, at one time you had some funny description of men and women as if they were chemical elements. Do you still have those and could you run them again? Please and Thank You Jenni=== Here they are: "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: Good methane source. Some specimens are able to produce large quantities especially at inappropriate times. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one - none of that three wishes jazz, OK?" The man thought for a minute and said, "Well, I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie was taken aback a bit, but after some thought said, "No, I don't think I can do that; think about the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement and steal and concrete that would be needed. I'm sorry, you will have to choose another wish." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why do they get upset at us so easily, what are their true desires and needs? What do they mean when they say "Nothing!". Basically what makes them tick?!" The genie stared at him and blinked a couple times. "So, do you want two lanes or four?" ______________________________________________________ An older couple regularly attended church. The pastor was much impressed by how harmonious and how in love they seemed. They always held hands all through the service. One day after church, the pastor couldn't resist going up to them to express his admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love you are, even, after all these years, holding hands like that." The wife looked up sharply and said, "It's not love, Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his knuckles." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Markia Cherise Williams, 19 Willington, Pennsylvania PA woman arrested after she was found with counterfeit credit cards, fake IDs and erratically driving a $125,000 BMW, that was not hers. Connecticut State Police arrested a Pennsylvania woman on identity theft charges after they stopped a 2016 BMW they said may have been purchased fraudulently. Officers arrested Markia Cherise Williams, 19, after police observed her driving erratically on I-84 in Willington Sunday, April 24, 2016 around 4 p.m. When they stopped the BMW X6 M-series, valued at $125,000, they found counterfeit credit cards and numerous fake IDs from Connecticut, Rhode Island and Florida, according to police. Her passenger had no identification. On paper, the car was purchased in New Jersey a week earlier by someone who lived in Virginia – but police believe that person’s identity may have been stolen to finance the luxury car. Police reported finding a slew of credit cards, bills and drivers licenses from several states in her possession. Neither the driver nor the passenger could explain how they ended up in the vehicle or where the registered owner was. Williams was charged with traveling at an unreasonable speed, credit card theft (five counts), credit card counterfeiting (five counts), identity theft (six counts), and forgery (six counts). The male passenger was not charged at the time, but police said they were still investigating. She is held on $15,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna RE: Adding a wireless laptop to a wired network Dear Webby ..here's one for you. While I'm pretty well versed with computers in general, as far as networks and sharing goes, I'm a complete moron. My MAIN computer is the desktop here, hardwired into the cable modem. It has all the files on it I need to maintain. My new laptop is wireless and in the living room. Is it possible to set up some"thing" where the laptop can access the files that are on the desktop and update them THERE? Or am I just wishing on a star? Love, Donna UPDATE ============ As luck would have it, all the research I did, all the help and instructions you gave me, (the stonecarvers was going to be my last shot because the button on the modem also controls my TV wireless and a wifi extender)...the answer turned out to be RIDICULOUSLY SIMPLE. While on the phone with Time Warner yesterday with a cable TV related issue, he asked if he could help with anything else, and I jokingly mentioned the networking issue (figuring of course the TV tech support knew nothing of computer issues.) He gave me a password from Time Warner, and told me to start with the LAPTOP, since it was the "alien being" to the modem instead of starting with the desktop, when creating the Home Network. Well, sure enough, I created the Home Network on the Laptop (which gave me a different password) (and yes, the wi fi extender and the wi fi have passwords as well), then I came in HERE to the main computer, the desktop and added IT to the homegroup created by the "alien" laptop, entered the password and VOILA! I even went back to the laptop and successfully accessed files in HERE which was my main objective. So that might be something you want to note for Windoze 10 (which I know you just LOVE)....start with the NEW computer, create the Network, then add the ORIGINAL computer. Thanks for all your help...I LOVE the stonecarvers work. (and as always..hehehe) Love, Donna Dear Donna Thanks for that very valuable information! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Associated Press, New Orleans, LA Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists have been operating, or planning to, in New Orleans. Louisiana Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 had been detained. The Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. However, police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cranberry Salsa By attosa [197 Posts, 474 Comments] I admit I used to only serve cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner because of the bright colour to add a little umph to the plate. Now that I make cranberry salsa, it's all about the amazing sweet, salty, spicy flavour! I get asked for this recipe ALL the time. I hope you enjoy it, too! Approximate Time: 25 minutes Ingredients: 1 pkg (12 oz) fresh or frozen cranberries 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 apple 2 limes 2 Tbsp water 3 green onions 1 jalapeno pepper 1/4 cup chopped cilantro salt and sugar to taste Steps: Empty your cranberries into a saucepan. Transfer 1/2 a cup of them to a bowl. Peel off a couple strips of zest from one of the limes, drop in with cranberries. Add the sugar and water to the pan and cook over low heat. Stir occasionally, cooking for about 10 minutes until the sugar melts and the cranberries are soft. Increase the heat to medium and let the cranberries burst. This takes about 5 minutes. While that's cooking down, peel and chop the 1/2 apple and coarsely chop reserved cranberries. Reduce heat to low and add to the pot. Stir for 2 minutes. Turn off heat and add lime juice. Chop your jalapeno and green onions, add to pot. Season with salt and sugar to taste. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Before serving, add chopped cilantro and mix well. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Stress Test: If you see two dolphins in this picture, then your stress level is OK. If you see anything else, your stress level is too high and you need some chocolate. ___________________________________________________
The Raven - James Earl Jones
____________________________________________________ Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone. __________________________________________________ Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of them automatically said, "Hello, Father." The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's not a father, you dummy," said the second youth, "He's married and got three kids!" ____________________________________________________
Beautiful waterfalls around the planet.

Today on April 28
0357:Constantius II visited Rome for the first time.
1282:Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule 
 in Sicily.
1635:Virginia Governor John Harvey was accused of treason 
 and removed from office.
1686:The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia
Mathamatic" was published.
1789:A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a 
rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. 
The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift.
1818:U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval
disarmament on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain.
1896:The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan.
1902:A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic.
1910:First night air flight was performed by Claude 
 Grahame-White in England.
1914:W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air
conditioner.
1916:The British declared martial law throughout Ireland.
1919:The League of Nations was founded.
1920:Azerbaijan joined the USSR.
1932:The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced.
1937:The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed
 on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created
 by Douglas Leight.
1945:Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were 
 executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee 
 the country.
1946:The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes.
1947:Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five
 others set out in a balsa wood raft known as Kon Tiki to 
 prove that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia.
 The trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the 
 crossing of the Pacific Ocean.
1952:The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a 
 treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into
 effect.
1953:French troops evacuated northern Laos.
1965:The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican 
 Republic to evacuate Americans.
1967:Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and 
 was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds 
 for his refusal.
1969:Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France.
1974:The last Americans were evacuated from Saigon.
1988:In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the 
 fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight.
1989:Mobil announced that they were divesting from South 
 Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly.
1994:Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S. 
 secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to 
 espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in
prison without parole.
1996:U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped 
 testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his 
 former Whitewater business partners.
1997:A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took
 effect. Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North 
 Korea did not sign.
2001:A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the 
 first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California
 businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination
 was the international space station. 
2016  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 27


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DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to 2 arrested after child found in hot car outside Nashville strip club Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 26, in 1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at Battle of Dunbar. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. --- Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931) Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. --- Blore's Razor Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word. --- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam. Theoretically you should have gotten the hang of it by now. We have to study continuously to keep up to date with new models coming every month from 27 different makers!"
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>From Roland This morning my neighbor came over and we shot a few lines of bull, and settled the world problems. When I asked him why he never brought his wife with him, his response was: "The last time she got ready to go out with me on the same day, was when the Fire Alarm Went Off." ______________________________________________________ A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kelsey McMurtry, 24, left, Summer Taylor, 19 Nashville, Tennessee 2 arrested after child found in hot car outside Nashville strip club A mother and her friend are facing charges after her child was found in a hot car outside a Nashville strip club. Police said they found the 9-month-old inside a PT Cruiser outside Deja Vu on Demonbreun Street at 4 p.m. Thursday. The responding officer talked to the mother's friend, Summer Taylor, who said she was helping to keep an eye on the child while her mother was on the stage stripping for an audition. Taylor said she had been coming outside to check on the child, but witnesses said Taylor never left the strip club. Two witnesses told police both women had been inside the strip club for at least 30 minutes before officers responded. According to the affidavit, all the windows in the car were rolled up. Police said the child was wearing a medium to heavy coat and was "drenched in sweat." At the time, temperatures outside were 70 degrees. In the affidavit, police estimated it may have been up to 101 degrees inside the vehicle. The girl was rushed to the hospital and is now in the care of the Tennessee Department of Children's Services. Police said the child's mother, Kelsey McMurtry, lied to them about her name. She reportedly had an outstanding warrant. Both McMurtry and Taylor have been charged with child neglect. McMurtry was also charged with criminal impersonation. Purnima Unni is the Pediatric Trauma Injury Prevention manager at Vanderbilt. She said most of the time parents don’t mean to hurt their children. It is usually an accident. “There is no time that is an acceptable time for a child to be left alone in a car. It’s as simple as that,” Unni said. With warmer temperatures on the way, medical professionals wanted to remind parents to be aware. Last year, 24 children were killed after being left in hot cars. Two have already died this year. “The child’s body temperature rises three to five times faster and higher than an adult,” Unni said. “So 104 degrees, you find the internal organs of the child begin to shut down. And when it’s 107 degrees, we can see near death.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Neil RE: Re Carols Automatic email Dear Webby She could make an icon using a selfie or her picture by going to this free converter site. http://www.rw-designer.com/image-to-icon Neil Thanks Neil! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ On a recent evening my family sat in a darkened theater waiting to see the latest hit movie. As the screen lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand, we noticed the sound was missing. The unexpected silence continued for several moments. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd demanded, "Okay, who's sitting on the remote?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Corn Dog Recipes By Cindy [111 Comments] This is the recipe my family has been using since the late 1950's. Corny Dogs 1 cup flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons sugar 3/4 cup cornmeal 1 egg, well beaten 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons milk Insert skewers into 8 frankerfurters. Dip franks into cornmeal mixture. Drop into deep fat and fry until golden brown. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Frieda had just finished her fish dinner. She was, however, not at all happy with it, so she called over the waiter and said: "I've sure tasted fresher fish!" "Not in here," replied the waiter. ___________________________________________________
birth to 12 years with a LOT of words
____________________________________________________ Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "That economy rowboat rental down there beside the marina, " Morris said,. "is that for the people they have sold to?" __________________________________________________ The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced. Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over. They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it and had already done that once. ____________________________________________________
Fawzia Fuad, Queen of Iran and Princess of Egypt, 1939 was extraordinarily beautiful!

Today on April 26
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at Battle of Dunbar.
1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice.
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by 
 natives in the Philippines.
1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was 
 established in Cebu City.
1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, 
 on the shores of Tripoli.
1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day 
 Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas 
 corpus.
1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia 
 seceded from the Union during the American Civil War.
1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 
 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed.
1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the 
 electrical hearing aid.
1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown.
1937 German bombers devastated Guernica, Spain.
1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. 
 She was the first American woman to become a queen.
1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria.
1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. 
 It was the first commercial ship to be equipped 
 with radar.
1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which 
 formally segregated races.
1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum 
 to any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet.
1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan.
1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops.
1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan.
1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 
 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others.
1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in 
 Beijing.
1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President 
 Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. He was accused of 
 aiding in the deportation and execution of thousands of 
 Jews and others as a German Army officer during WWII, 
 even though he was too young for that.
2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed 
 its maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840.
2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 
 1,776-foot Freedom Tower on the site of former 
 World Trade Center. 
2016  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 26


Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Woman with .708 Blood Alcohol in stolen truck arrested in South Dakota Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 26, in 1514 - Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. --- Tallulah Bankhead _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
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A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "Can't trust nobody anymore!" ______________________________________________________ At mighty USC pay your fee and get a "B" but at fancy UCLA for that you get an "A" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for an update on her sneaky roses: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marguerite Engle, 45, Rapid City, South Dakota Woman with .708 Blood Alcohol in stolen truck arrested in South Dakota The South Dakota woman recorded a mind-boggling .708 blood alcohol content after being arrested earlier this month when a state trooper found her passed out behind the wheel of a stolen truck. Engle's whopping BAC was measured by a Rapid City Police Department chemist who tested a blood sample drawn from Engle. Engle is pictured above in a mug shot taken earlier this year after she was arrested for assaulting a government employee and being intoxicated and disruptive. Engle was named in a two-count South Dakota Magistrate Court indictment charging her with driving under the influence and driving with a BAC beyond the .08 limit. A traffic ticket issued to Engle notes that she "bonded out- hospitalized" after being collared in Sturgis just before noon on December 1. Engle is also facing charges in connection with her possession of the stolen vehicle. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol RE: Email Automatic Dear Webby My mother's health is not good and I want her to have the absolute simplest way to page me. She forgets to get off- line and figures the line is busy when she tries to call me and so doesn't even try using her cell phone. Is there a way to make a desktop icon that will start a mail to my pager, with the subject line already filled in? Thanks Carol Dear Carol Yes, there is a way. On her machine go into her browser, click on bookmarks or favorites and find some old and obsolete bookmark. Right-click it and select Properties. Change the name of the bookmark to "ET CALL HOME" or something like that. Then in the URL slot, replace what is there with mailto:cell-email-address@domain.com?subject="CALL MOM" Of course, instead of "cell-email-address@domain.com" you use your actual pager or cellphone email address. Hit OK. Then go into her bookmarks again, find the "ET CALL HOME" bookmark, right-click it, choose SEND TO, and send it to the desktop. That will make a desktop shortcut icon. Find the icon and change the icon picture to one that is different from all the others and easily recognizable, then drag the icon to the top left or right corner where it is easy to find. Clicking that icon will open the mail program, start a new mail, fill in your cellphone or pager email address, fill in the subject line, and all she has to do is click on SEND and your phone will start beeping and show her address and the subject line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work. But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Corn Dog Recipes By Cindy [111 Comments] This is the recipe my family has been using since the late 1950's. Corny Dogs 1 cup flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons sugar 3/4 cup cornmeal 1 egg, well beaten 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons milk Insert skewers into 8 frankerfurters. Dip franks into cornmeal mixture. Drop into deep fat and fry until golden brown. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals: "We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate." ___________________________________________________
Glen Campbell - WilliamTell Overture - Hi Ho Silver!
____________________________________________________ Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, generally 35 children are enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes school. Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids have moved out. __________________________________________________ The fireman had rushed into a burning building and rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. Even though she was not injured, he carried her in his arms down three flights of stairs. As they arrived safely outside the building, she looked at him with great admiration and said, "Oh, you are wonderful. It must have taken great strength and courage to rescue me the way you did." "Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to fight off three other firemen who were trying to get to you." ____________________________________________________
People are awesome! For the month of April 2016.

Today on April 26
1478 - Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed 
 Giuliano de'Medici.
1514 - Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn.
1607 - The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, 
 Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in 
 the Western Hemisphere.
1865 - John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry.
1929 - First non-stop flight from England to India was completed.
1964 - The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged 
 to form Tanzania.
1968 - Students seized the administration building at Ohio 
 State University.
1985 - In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 
 people and injured 247.
1986 - The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred 
 at Chernobyl, Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the incident 
 and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material.
1998 - Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned 
 to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities 
 during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public.
2000 - Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's 
 New York Islanders.
2002 - In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 
 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 
2016  smiled.


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Multiple outlet bars 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 25

We got the first real rain of the year.
All the brown lawns turned green in a matter of hours,
bushes and trees started showing buds and little leaflets,
and my raspberries made it quite clear which shoots are
live and which ones need to be cut.

I am going to have to invent pruning shears with long
handles at a right angle for operating without bending 
down or crawling on the ground. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Arkansas Pastor turned in by his wife after finding child pornography on their computer. Anthony Waller also raped two girls at the First Ass. Church of God in Jonesboro,Arkansas. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24, in 1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the spread of the now protected seals and the fishing by foreign fleets made fishing less and less profitable in Newfoundland, Angus and Farley approached the Governemnt with a bid to dig a tunnel to the mainland. They asked for $100,000 each. "Considering equipment and labor costs", the Transport Dept asked them, "how do you propose to do the job for such a pittance?" "It's simple," the Angus replied. "My partner grabs a shovel, goes to the mainland and starts digging. I take another shovel and start digging from here. We dig until we meet -- and you've got a tunnel!" "But what if you never meet?" "Then you've got TWO tunnels for the price of one!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired. The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!" He lived, barely. ______________________________________________________ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Waller, 39, Jonesboro, Arkansas Wife turns in Pastor after finding child pornography on their computer. Anthony Waller also raped two girls at the First Ass. Church of God in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Arkansas pastor whose wife discovered his horrendous child porn collection will serve two life sentences over the rape of girls at his church Anthony Waller, 39, raped two girls at the First Assembly Church of God in Jonesboro, Arkansas His wife found pornographic images on his computer and told police He was then found to have raped two girls in the bathroom at the church and also in other locations Waller is also facing charges of video voyeurism and child pornography A disgraced Arkansas pastor who was charged with the rape of two girls after his wife discovered his shocking collection of child pornography on their laptop, will serve two life sentences in prison. Anthony Waller, 39, was given no chance of parole after pleading guilty to two counts of rape on Tuesday, according to the Jonesboro Sun. The former children's pastor committed the offences while an employee at the First Assembly of God Church in Jonesboro, Arkansas, about 70 miles north-west of Memphis, Tennessee. The court heard Waller raped the girls in the bathroom of the church and at other locations. In addition to the rape charges, Waller still faces 50 counts of video voyeurism and one count of child pornography. Waller began working at the church in 1999, but his crimes were only discovered when his wife Angela found disturbing images of young girls on a computer they shared. After confronting her husband over what she had found, Mrs Waller handed the images over to police. Police praised the decision of Mrs Waller in what they described as one of the biggest child pornography cases they'd seen. A police detective testified to finding 400,000 images of child pornography and videos of young females inside the church bathroom on an external hard drive of Waller's. The detective says he found holes in the ceiling of the church bathroom and a place for a hidden camera nearby. In 2015, Waller told officers 'he had been addicted to child pornography for over 20 years'. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ramona RE: Multiple outlet bars Dear Webby I needed more electrical outlets for all the gadgets that connect to the laptop, so I got a second plug strip and plugged that into the first one. Everything worked fine, but when a friend of mine saw that, he freaked out and told me I would burn the house down by doing that. Both plug strips have surge protectors and little overload breakers, and the wall socket is also protected with a breaker at the panel. His explanation didn't make sense to me but he was dead serious. Is there anything I don't know about and that I should worry about ? Ramona Dear Ramona Except for your choice of friends, what you are doing is perfectly OK and absolutely nothing to worry about. The power used by all those gadgets doesn't amount to much. Most likely all of them together plus your laptop use less than a quarter of what a hair dryer would use. As long as you don't plug in kitchen appliances, hair dryers and vacuum cleaners like that, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you do, you will pop a breaker. However, in a normally wired building, nothing will overheat. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get Mother !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Corn Dog Recipes By Cindy [111 Comments] This is the recipe my family has been using since the late 1950's. Corny Dogs 1 cup flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons sugar 3/4 cup cornmeal 1 egg, well beaten 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons milk Insert skewers into 8 frankerfurters. Dip franks into cornmeal mixture. Drop into deep fat and fry until golden brown. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Here is a joke that keeps coming back to me: A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already." ___________________________________________________
Desert Air. Switch to HD. It is in High Definition
____________________________________________________ That remids me.. At a a crowded and busy bus stop, a woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the top step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screamed, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends." __________________________________________________ And that reminds me of ANOTHER bus joke: Reverend George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus to get back to the rectory. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic. He staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks Reverend George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The Reverend George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver! I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" ____________________________________________________
One of a kind motorcycle.

Today on April 25
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack  
 to capture Timbuktu.
1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by 
 hanging himself.
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble.
1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces 
 defeated the Anglo-Portugese.
1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman 
 Nicolas J. Pelletier.
1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes 
 over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war 
 fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River.
1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt.
1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power 
 reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital 
 for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade 
 with the United States.
1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA.
1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, 
 Union General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA.
1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade.
1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of 
 Hanoi in Indochina.
1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war 
 on the U.S. the day before.
1901 New York became the first state to require license 
 plates for cars. The fee was $1.
1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as 
 president of Germany.
1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose 
 the name "Pehlevi."
1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time.
1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany 
 on Elbe River.
1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist 
 Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated 
 on "Gloucester Hill," in Korea.
1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium 
 nuclear reactor.
1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water 
 way connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean.
1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the 
 integrated circuit.
1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon.
1971 The country of Bangladesh was established.
1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown 
 in a military coup.
1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first 
 revised on October 30, 1982.
1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was 
 aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the 
 eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a 
 helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded. 
 Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed 
 at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the 
 U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event 
 took place April 24th Washington, DC, time.
1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel 
 completed its Sinai withdrawal.
1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, 
 speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way.
1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated 
 to show they favored the decentralization of education.
1984 David Anthony Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, 
 was found dead of a drug overdose in a hotel room.
1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. 
 policy in Central America.
1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was 
 sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal.
1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua.
1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into 
 Earth's orbit. It was released by the space shuttle 
 Discovery.
1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of 
 the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the 
 Communist government.
1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization 
 voted to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an 
 armed struggle to destroy Israel.
1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton on was questioned 
 by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a 
 private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center 
 of the investigation.
2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and 
 ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced 
 to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft 
 charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of 
 theft of money from a women's political league. 


2016  smiled.


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Cleaning a dirty keyboard 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas Youth Pastor Beaten by Witnesses Who Caught Him Sexually Assaulting Kindergartner Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24, in 1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. Greeks have never forgiven their government. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions ... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took a nicely glowing piece of iron out of the forge and with his long metal tongs held it it over the horn of the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.... ______________________________________________________ Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture The roses are actually behind the hedge, but growing up through the hedge. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Willie Lee Bell Jr., 29 Cedar Hill, Texas Texas Youth Pastor Beaten by Witnesses Who Caught Him Sexually Assaulting Kindergartner Police arrested Willie Lee Bell Jr., 29, a children’s minister at First United Church of Cedar Hill, after he was reportedly caught molesting a 6-year-old. Witnesses beat a Texas youth pastor whom they allegedly caught sexually assaulting a 6-year-old he had lured behind an apartment building. The report did not state how thoroughly the pastor was beat up, but he was not able to limp away when the police finally showed up. Police arrested Willie Lee Bell Jr., 29, a children's minister at First United Methodist Church in Cedar Hill, on Thursday, Fox 4 News reports. According to the news station, Bell's recent arrest was not the first time the youth pastor has been charged with sexual assault. He's currently facing two charges of sexually assaulting little boys at a Dallas apartment in February. The two boys reportedly told police that they were abused behind an apartment complex. The boys said that the man was wearing "church shoes." Despite those charges, Fox 4 reports that Bell continued working around children at the church until his most recent arrest. "It's painful. It's devastating. It's a nightmare," the mom of the most recent alleged victim, who did not want to be iden tified, told the news station. She said that she doesn't know Bell and nor does her family, adding that her son was outside playing when Bell lured him behind an apartment building. Bystanders noticed Bell and the child behind the building and attacked him. Police were called and arrested Bell. "If it wasn't for them, he probably would have done more to my child," the mom said. United Methodist Church of North Texas issued a statement to Fox 4 noting that it had "no knowledge of any criminal acts happening at the church, and that it is cooperating with police." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen RE: Cleaning a keyboard Dear Webby What is the best way to clean a keyboard? My husband's keyboard is starting to look utterly disgusting with everything from pizza to cake permanently attached to it. Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen Whack it upside down on a newspaper covered table or sidewalk to shake crumbs and paperclips and French Fries out. Then take a soft bath sponge and hot soapy water and while somebody holds the keyboard upside down, scrub it thoroughly with the sponge. After that, just let it drip dry in the sun. If you scrubbed hard enough, it will be like new. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A voice on the government building loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact Security." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Custard Layer Cake By April [9 Posts, 74 Comments] A unique cake with a custard center. Easier than it looks. It starts out as basic cake batter and turns into a custard layer cake. Be sure to try the chocolate version too! http://www.thriftyfun.com/Chocolate-Custard-Cake.html Approximate Time: 20 minutes to prep, 1 hour to bake Yield: 9-12 pieces Ingredients: 4 eggs (room temperature) 3/4 cup sugar 8 Tbsp butter, melted 1 tsp vanilla 3/4 cup all purpose flour 2 cups lukewarm milk powdered sugar for dusting top Steps: Line 8 x 8" baking dish with parchment paper. Separate eggs. Beat whites until stiff, set aside. Beat the yolks and sugar until light and fluffy. Add butter and vanilla. Beat 2 mins. Add the cocoa and flour, and mix thoroughly. Slowly add the milk and beat until everything is well blended. Gently fold in the egg whites using a spatula, a third at a time. Repeat until all the whipped egg whites are folded in. You will no longer have large white clumps. Pour batter into baking dish and bake approx. 60 min. until top is lightly golden. Cool to room temperature, and then chill. Dust top with powdered sugar. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son." "Well, thank heaven," said the wife, "at least our James has nothing standing in his way." ___________________________________________________
Desert Air. Switch to HD. It is in High Definition
____________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and slow down when I turn purple." __________________________________________________ Some people must have been put on this world just to amuse! I got this spam today with the subject line: Subject: Get a Diploma from a pretigous University Their hilarious spelling of prestigious makes me wonder in which California trailer court that University is located. The area code is 310, and they don't require any tests, classes books or interviews. Just your credit card info. Judging by the spelling, the teachers of that con artist probably got their diplomas the same way. ____________________________________________________
One of a kind motorcycle.

Today on April 24
1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass 
 in Central America.
1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of 
 Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg.
1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, 
 Francis.
1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of 
 Derna in Tripoli.
1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain.
1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire.
1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of 
 New Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War 
 rule in the South.
1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa 
 was now a German colony.
1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized.
1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's 
 ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba.
1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began 
 the mass deportation of Armenians.
1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against 
cBritish occupation forces. They were overtaken several 
 days later.
1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the 
 Himalayas.
1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" 
 following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba.
1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time.
1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft 
 crashed with a tangled parachute.
1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.
1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite.
1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in 
 nine kinds of cancer.
1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing.
1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape 
 Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble 
 Space Telescope.
2016  smiled.


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Showing file name extensions 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Pennsylvania father arrested after 'recklessly' waving gun and killing 4 year old daughter Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 22, in 1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?" Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc." Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order." Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me." ______________________________________________________ Maxine reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No answers. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "N" for tails. Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again. The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago--but," explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I'm going back thru and checking my answers!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maurice Phillips, 30, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania father arrested after 'recklessly' waving gun and killing 4 year old daughter Authorities allege that a Philadelphia father was "carelessly and recklessly" waving a gun around a bedroom with seven children present when it went off, killing his 4-year-old daughter. Thirty-year-old Maurice Phillips is charged with third-degree murder, involuntary manslaughter, child endangerment and reckless endangerment in Saturday's death of 4-year-old Tahirah Phillips. Homicide division Capt. James Clark said Monday the girl and her six siblings were watching television when Phillips came in and started waving the weapon around. It discharged and hit the girl in the back of the head. Police allege that Phillips then struck his 5-year-old daughter and wiped blood onto her shirt in an apparent effort to shift blame. Police previously believed the girl's 5-year- old sibling was the shooter. Phillips fled but later turned himself in and ultimately confessed. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barb RE: File name extensions Dear Webby My machine at work shows the extensions of files and I can see for example if a picture is a GIF or a JPG. How do I trick my home machine to do that too? Barb Dear Barb Go into the File Explorer and click on Tools Folder Options View Turn ON the radio button that says: "Show hidden files and folders" Take the ckeckmark OFF "Hide Extensions for known file types" Click OK, and it's done. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A doctor sees an old man merrily walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm and recognizes him as one of his clients whom he had not seen in quite a few years. Half a year later he sees the old man and his young companion at the bank in line ahead of him. The doctor says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful..." "Too late!", the woman replied, "we like the other version better and got married 3 years ago!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jar Snow Globe By audrey5682.844 [11 Posts] Here is a cute personalized snow globe you can make with anything you have gotten from other places. This project has simple steps and uses limited supplies. It is a fun way to spice up your desk or dresser. Approximate Time: 15minJar Snow Globe Supplies: glass jar, a canning style works well glue objects of interest glitter Steps: Unscrew the lid from the jar and collect your object. Glue your object onto the lid of the jar. Let object sit until dry. Fill the jar with water. Add colored glitter in the amount wanted. Put the lid on and tip it upside down and your done! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and and flattering him outrageously. Naturally he liked the young ladys attention, but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was utterly amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5 years your paycheck has been automatically deposited to the bank where I work. Just because you prefer to use the ATM machine outside, that doesn't mean I don't know all about you!" ___________________________________________________
Aurora from space
____________________________________________________ An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. Once an hour the nurses walked the patient in the hall, a nurses aide on each side with his arms over their sholders. Behind them the floor nurse stomped along, gesticulating with all kinds of fearsome devices and explaining just what kind of enema he would need if he stopped walking. After a week, the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation but that they had been lucky to get him to the hospital in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," his daughter said, "Dad hasn't walked in over five years!" __________________________________________________ A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today ?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" ____________________________________________________
Model Swims With Sharks On Fashion Shoot

Today on April 22
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 
1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England
1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the 
 Treaty of Saragosa. 
1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American 
 neutrality in the war in Europe. 
1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 
1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the 
 inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent 
 and two-cent coins. 
1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as 
 thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. 
1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred 
 when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 
1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the 
 first country to use poison gas. 
1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships 
 in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 
1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval 
 Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited 
 shipbuilding. 
1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the 
 White House. 
1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major 
 attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 
1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first 
 nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 
1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 
1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC. 
1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture 
 the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day 
 hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. 
 Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, 
 and all 14 rebels. 
2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a 
 state of emergency in the city of General Santos in 
 response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. 
 The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 
2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It 
 successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010.
2016  smiled.


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Virtual Drive 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin man reports car stolen, is arrested for drunk driving for the 4th time. Brian Primm was pulled over for speeding in his own car. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 21, in 753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it. --- Al Batt "U.S. educators are reeling from the low math and science test scores of American students. We bombed in history too. Over 90 percent of American students think BC means Before Cable." --- Argus Hamilton _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Hair Cuts Women's version: Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman1: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable, and you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line. Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier......... Men's version: Man1: Got your ears lowered? Man2: Yeah. Man1: Beer tonight? Man2: Yeah, sure.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A russian wife shouts at her husband: " Drunkard! I can`t stand it any longer! Why are you constantly drinking vodka?" He replied: "I drink it becausche itsch liquid. If it wasch scholid, I`d chew it." ______________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time mom stands on hers she gets really mad." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Primm 39, Madison, Wisconsin Wisconsin man reports car stolen, is arrested for drunk driving for the 4th time. Brian Primm was pulled over for speeding in his own car. A Madison man who reported his car stolen was later arrested for his fourth operating while intoxicated offense early Thursday morning. According to a release from the Madison Police Department, an officer spent over six minutes on the phone talking to 39-year-old Brian M. Primm after he had called 911 around 1:00 a.m. to report his car stolen. Primm told the officer that he last saw his car parked in the 100 block of W. Dayton Street. Police said UW-Madison Police officers executed a high- risk traffic stop around 1:40 a.m. near N. Breese Terrace after they spotted Primm's car because they believed the person behind the wheel was a thief. It turned out to be the car's owner, Primm. Primm failed to call police back and let them know he had found his car. When Primm was asked why he had not called back to let authorities know he had found his car, he shrugged his shoulders. Apparently he was too embarassed to admit that it was where he had parked it. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Adamo RE: Virtual drive Dear Webby I read once that there is a way to declare a deep down and difficult to get to folder in Explore as a virtual drive. How is that done in W7 ? Dear Adamo In the days of DOS that would have taken 2 seconds to do. In Windows 7 it's way more work and hassle than it's worth. There is a workaround though. Put your mouse on a free spot on the deskto, right-click, NEW, Shortcut, navigate to that "deep down and difficult to get to" folder, click OK, then give it a short nickname, click OK, and you have a shortcut right from your desktop into an Explorer window pre-set to that location. If you put an e xclamation mark at the front of the name of that shortcut, for example !-in-from-Skype, then it will sort alphabetically on top in Explorer. If you have a number of those and use them for example for sorting ind weeding out music or pictures, you could make a desktop folder and call that "Weeding", and drag all of them into that "Weeding" task folder. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Kids' Science Answers: "The wind is like the air, only pushier." "Rain is called a soft water, the opposite is hard water. I call it hail." "Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the lid on." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Nozzle for Dish Soap Container By KIM HOGGAN [35 Posts, 61 Comments] Here is a way to control how much soap comes out of your dish soap container. Get a sturdy spray nozzle from an old bottle and just screw it on. Make the adjustment as to how stong or soft you want the spray to be. You will save soap, plus it will spray out more evenly over dishes. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Bigamy is against the law, you can't have your Kate and Edith , too! ___________________________________________________
Aurora from space
____________________________________________________ Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental car." __________________________________________________ Fisherman: "Hey, pal! You've been standing there watching me fish for three hours! Why don't you get a rod and reel and do some fishing yourself?" Onlooker: "No, thanks. I don't have the patience for it." ____________________________________________________
Holy cow!

Today on April 21
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena, Italy. 
1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of 
 Ibrahim Lodi. 
1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and queen 
 of England, Scotland and Ireland. 
1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle of 
 San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of Texas. 
1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for the 
 first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL). 
1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 
1898 The Spanish-American War began. 
1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops 
 stayed for six months. 
1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous ‘last train robber,’ 
 robbed a train in Hanna, WY. 
1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red Baron," 
 was shot down and killed during World War I. 
1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that weighed 
 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch with a rod and reel. 
1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 
1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 
1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and 
 installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 
1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke explored 
 the surface of the moon. 
1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned, 
 condemning the United States. 
1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found 
 virus believed to cause AIDS. 
1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 
1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly 
 an F-16 combat plane. 
1998 Astronomers announced in Washington that they had 
 discovered possible signs of a new family of planets 
 orbiting a star 220 light-years away. 
2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged 
 girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the 
 path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers 
 were killed. 
2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of 
 a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or 
 bird than that of a reptile. 
2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed 
 and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store. 
 The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 



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What happened to Internet Explorer on W10 ? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 20

Beautiful full moon out! 
It is still warm out too,  but not as hot as it was in the 
afternoon. My Saskatoon bushes are about to burst into
bloom any day now, and the raspberries are showing tiny 
green leaflets, reminding me to cut the old shoots and 
restring the hay wire to bring in the new shoots, that
decided to shoot up outside the  wire. As soon as I find
my garden snips, or when the UFOs that borrowed them, 
bring them back, I'll do that. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio woman charged with livestreaming rape of teen friend Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 20, in 1879 First Winnebago (horse drawn) was used in a journey from London to Cyprus. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Keep in mind that in Australia this is the hot season. The weather was very hot, so this preacher wanted desperately to take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed preacher, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding in front of you has a bottom in it."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement, RIGHT NOW!." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise you get when a 727 gooses a 747?" ______________________________________________________ A couple went out for a romantic dinner for Valentines Day. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "Something that THEY would not do.....", the husband mused, "I suppose, we could clean the house." ______________________________________________________ My neighbor's Mt Rainier Cherries bloomed today. The bees were having a feast. There are no flowers yet, not even dandylions. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marina Lonina, 18, Franklin County, Ohio Ohio woman charged with livestreaming rape of teen friend A 17-year-old was raped by a man with whom she had been drinking and her 18-year-old female friend livestreamed the attack on the social media app Periscope, a prosecutor said Wednesday in announcing a rape and kidnapping indictment. Authorities learned of the assault when an out-of-state friend of the accused woman saw the images, Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O'Brien said. Marina Lonina and Raymond Gates, 29, were charged with rape, kidnapping, sexual battery and pandering sexual matter involving a minor. The rape charge involved intercourse by force and was not related to the 17-year- old's age, O'Brien said. Lonina was also charged with illegal use of a minor in a nudity-oriented material or performance. Lonina and the victim were socializing with Gates at a home in Columbus on Feb. 27 when Gates raped the 17-year-old, O'Brien said. Lonina had also livestreamed pictures of the girl in the nude the night before at Lonina's house, he said. Lonina "categorically denies these charges," said her attorney Josh Bedtelyon. Gates is scheduled for arraignment Friday. Court records don't list an attorney for him who could comment on the charges. They each face up to 40 years in prison, if convicted. O'Brien said the motive for the livestreaming was unclear, but he said alcohol was a factor. Gates, Lonina and the victim had all been drinking, he said. "People need to know and understand that the use of a smartphone to video events can constitute serious felony crimes," O'Brien said. "They should think twice before they use their smartphones to either photograph or video anything that's of a sexual nature." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ginger RE: What happened to Internet Explorer on W10? Dear Webby What happened to my Internet Explorer? While I was busy using Chrome, it seems to have been replaced by Microsoft Edge. Is it okay to download another copy of Internet Explorer or would that mess things up with this Windows 10 ?? Help! Ginger Dear Ginger Stick with Chrome. It is much more secure than Internet Explorer, and can do everything it can do. Even Microsoft agreed that Internet Explorer is to be retired and forgotten, so they came up with Edge. You CAN use Internet Explorer on W10, but keep in mind, it is not very secure and might attract bad stuff. Just use Chrome and Edge. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ They gave a hoot. "Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ajax for Water Spots By ajbblondie1210 [1 Post] My brother parks his car on the street and every night the sprinklers go on. When he wakes up in the morning, he has water spots on the right side of his car. He tried washing his car but the spots would not come off. He also tried Windex, white vinegar, brake cleaner, anything you could think of! Then my mom said, "Hey, try this Ajax!" With a little bit of water, the spots came right off! So the trick is AJAX! Hope this helps. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. The last thing he remembers is saying: "You're right!" ___________________________________________________
Piano Juggler
____________________________________________________ The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen. "The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower "You can reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. That is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like kitten claws. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known. __________________________________________________ Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? ____________________________________________________
Nope, nope, nope, nope! Driving on these roads can be hazardous to your health!

Today on April 20
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 
1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from 
 St. Malo to explore the North American coastline. 
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long Parliament 
 for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that would have 
 kept Parliament in the hands of only a few members. 
1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois 
 Indian in Cahokia. 
1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston. 
1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia. 
 It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 
1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg, 
 Bavaria. 
1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act 
 of the U.S. Congress.
1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective 
 story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published
1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 
1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 
1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey 
 from London to Cyprus. 
1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite rebellion 
 against the British. Casement, a British diplomat, was 
 captured within hours and was hanged for high treason 
 on August 3. 
1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the Soviets. 
1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 
1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio 
 broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation 
 with Germany." 
1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 
1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the 
 German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 
1951 General MacArthur addressed the joint session of Congress 
 after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. 
1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the 
 exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty 
 Americans were freed. 
1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a record 
 time of 2:18:51. 
1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 
1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-way 
 ride for blacks to move to northern states. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the 
 Vietnam War. 
1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the moon. 
1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S. was 
 accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the Nissho 
 Maru on April 9. 
1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong 
 would cease in 1997. 
1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a military revolt. 
1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2) bomber was officially unveiled. 
1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-definition TV. 
1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville, Spain. 
1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon for the 
second time. He also registered the third fastest time with 2 hours 
7 minutes and 34 seconds. 


2016  smiled.


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How to copy and print pictures from the newsletters 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia man charged with assaulting pregnant wife, cruelty to children Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 19, in 1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank the Spanish fleet. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently throughout the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here." Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?" Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!" ______________________________________________________ A physician presented his bill to the attorney representing a deceased person's estate. Each of them knew the other, having tangled quite a few times in court, where the doctor was often called as an "expert witness." The Doctor asked the lawyer if he wanted the bill sworn to. "No," replied the lawyer, "the death of my client is suf- ficient evidence that you attended him professionally." "Be that as it may," replied the doctor, "the fact that you handled his affairs is probably why he couldn't afford to pay this bill on time in the first place." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Paquette, 35, Appling, Georgia. Georgia man charged with assaulting pregnant wife, cruelty to children A Columbia County man turned himself into the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office Sunday afternoon for allegedly abusing his wife. Ryan Paquette, 35, of Appling, allegedly abused his wife for more than a decade, with the latest incident happening on Saturday. Four of the couple’s children were home at the time and the alleged victim is also pregnant. According to an incident report, Ryan Paquette’s wife claims he beat her after he complained she purchased the wrong kind of bread on a sub sandwich she picked up at the grocery store. Paquette is charged with Battery and Cruelty to Children in the Third Degree. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron RE: Copy pictures from Humor Letter Dear Webby I would like to copy some of the cool pictures you put in your Humor Letter but can't figure out how to print just the pic. without the rest of the letter. When I right click I get a box with "copy" in it but it don't work. Can you help? tx. Ron Dear Ron The COPY IMAGE command just copies the picture into the clipboard memory. Open a graphics program. ANY graphics program, even Windows PAINT will do. When you have it open, Hold CTRL and hit V. That pastes it into the Graphics program. Then you can print the picture with CTRL P. You can also crop the picture to use only a part of it, or edit it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "It's so bad in our church now on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ajax for Water Spots By ajbblondie1210 [1 Post] My brother parks his car on the street and every night the sprinklers go on. When he wakes up in the morning, he has water spots on the right side of his car. He tried washing his car but the spots would not come off. He also tried Windex, white vinegar, brake cleaner, anything you could think of! Then my mom said, "Hey, try this Ajax!" With a little bit of water, the spots came right off! So the trick is AJAX! Hope this helps. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?" ___________________________________________________
world class skier
____________________________________________________ >From Linda Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get her. __________________________________________________ Woman cleaning fish at sink to angler husband: "Why can't you be like the rest of the men? They never catch anything." "I can't afford that much beer." ____________________________________________________
Blue is my favorite color!

Today on April 19
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging 
 the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop 
 of Canterbury in 1005. 
1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German 
 Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor 
 and sank the Spanish fleet. 
1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 
1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, 
 which gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions. 
1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from 
 printing paper money. 
1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. 
 Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 
1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at 
 Lexington, MA. 
1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 
1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 
1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American 
 merchants. 
1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in 
 a hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 
1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and 
 nine civilians killed. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of 
 Confederate ports. 
1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. 
 by Charles and Frank Duryea. 
1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the 
 first of its type in the U.S. 
1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on 
 Chaing Kai-shek. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation 
 that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 
1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish 
 Civil War. 
1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The 
 Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 
1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech 
 before the U.S. Congress. In the address General MacArthur 
 said that "Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 
1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had 
 survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during WWII. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco 
 when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil 
 ceremony took place on April 18. 
1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos 
 back to the U.S. 
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. 
 It was the first space station. 
1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 
1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when 
 members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into 
 the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 
1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business 
 traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with 
 subversion in Central America. 
1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 
 200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 
 feet from the ground. 
1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was 
 captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego 
 Wild Animal Park.
1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors 
 were killed. 
1989 A giant asteroid passed within 500,000 miles of Earth. 
1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to 
 the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between 
 the cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed 
 including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped 
 the fire. 
1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King 
 for violation of his civil rights. 
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, 
 was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. 
 territory. 168 people were killed including 19 children, 
 and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of 
 the bombing on June 2, 1997. 
1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro 
 democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 
2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed 
 while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 
2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were 
 killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 
 12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's 
 Al-Qaida network. 
2016  smiled.


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How to stop saving pictures in PNG format 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Mesa man arrested for bestiality and for exploiting minors Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 18, in 1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to his excommunication. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. --- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809 - 1892) I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. -- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC) (or to belong to a sympathetic wife) Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's my ad. and don't call the one in the fourth column. That is my mother's ad."
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A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball. ______________________________________________________ Sherry and Barbie got together on a regular basis, and they usually discussed families or local gossip. One day they decided to change things a bit, and discuss important political issues; the Middle East, Afghanistan, North Korea, etc. Barbie said, "But what about Red China?" Sherry responded, "Fantastic... it looks especially good on a white tablecloth!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aaron Thomas Usery, 21, Mesa, Arizona Mesa man arrested for bestiality, exploiting minors Mesa police arrested a 21-year-old man Tuesday after investigators said he was involved in a sexual relationship with a pair of 12-year-old Kansas girls and had engaged in sexual activity with a dog, according to court records. Police said Aaron Thomas Usery was arrested on suspicion of sexual exploitation of a minor and bestiality after police found messages and videos on his computer and phone. Police said Usery met the girls on an art-sharing website and went by the name "Zel the Wolf," documents reported. The relationship started in September 2014 and ended in February 2015, according to court records. Mesa police said investigators from Overland Park, Kansas, reported the relationship after the mother of one of the girls told police about the relationship. Investigators found nude pictures and videos on both Usery's and the girls' phones, including a video of Usery engaging in bestiality with the family dog, according to court records. According to reports, the relationship started friendly then gradually turned sexual as Usery and the girls used Skype and Google Hangouts to keep in touch. In the messages, police said Usery admitted that he knew the relationship was wrong but that he continued doing it. Usery was being held on a $25,000 bond and is scheduled to appear at Maricopa County Superior Court on April 20. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kay RE: Computer saves pictures in PNG format Dear Webby I would like to thank you for all of your previous help. I have a question about saving pictures that are sent to me in my email. Always before when I would save a picture it would save it as a jpg, now when I save a picture it saves it as a PNG (*.png) even though it shows the picture as a jpg. Thank you for such a great newsletter and all the help and advice on computer questions. Kay Dear Kay Most graphics programs let you save in a great variety of formats, including PNG. PNG is actually a much better format than JPG, because it does not degrade the picture every time you save it. Usually, whatever format you save something in, is the default format from then on. If you prefer to save pictures in JPG, select that. Usually you can select that in the second line, below the file name line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A young lady died and went to heaven. St. Peter met her at the gate. He told her, "In order to enter here you must tell me the name of the Lord." The young lady wrinkled her brow and said, "Oh, I do know it, just a minute, let me think. Um -- um -- oh yes, it's Andy!!" St. Peter said, "Andy? ANDY? Where did you ever get THAT name?" "Well, you know, it's in that song -- we sang it all the time in church!" she said defensively. Then she proceeded to sing the song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me ..." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spice Jar Labels By Amanda Cope [3 Posts, 19 Comments] I have accumulated about 40 spice jars and want to have them displayed on my counter on one of those 3 tier expandable shelves. I want to label them, but my Dymo labels don't stick very well. They do fine on everything else. Any suggestions? Acope You can wash your spice jars in hot dish water. They all have tight fitting caps. If they haven't been washed for twenty years, they will need a bit more effort, but they will come just as clean as your wine glasses. Then anything will stick properly. However, Dymo labels look rather tacky in the kitchen and heat will make them curl up. 2" x 3/4" Avery return address labels look the best, but they have tons of different sizes. To make them washable, spray them with spray varnish after you stick them onto the jars. Since you will need just one sheet of labels, you can give sheets to friends and relatives, and for some even print the labels for them for Christmas. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. ___________________________________________________
moose fighting in the neighborhood
____________________________________________________ Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers." __________________________________________________ >From Donna Every year or so somebody asks you to bring again that one about some guy trying to spell the name of an insurance company to a phone operator. This year, it's me. Can you please bring it again? Thanks Donna Here it is: "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ____________________________________________________
The oldest hotel in the world that was built in 705 AD. It has been owned and operated by the same family for 52 generations, 1,311 years!
Power of puppies

Today on April 18
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the 
 Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to 
 his excommunication. 
1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 
1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the 
 Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War. 
1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 
1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers 
 commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American War) 
1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to Tanna. 
1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process of 
 recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is regarded 
 as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S., Thomas Edison 
 gets the credit. 
1895 New York State passed an act that established free 
 public baths. 
1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The 
 original death toll was cited at about 700. Later information 
 indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to 4 times 
 the original estimate. 
1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at night. 
1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 
1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader 
 Josef Stalin. 
1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS Hornet, 
 raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 
1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and 
 invited Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 
1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, 
 was shot down by American P-38 fighters. 
1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 
1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was completed. 
1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 
1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were married. 
 The religious ceremony took place April 19. 
1960 The Mutual Broadcasting System was sold to the 3M Company of 
 Minnesota for $1.25 million. 
1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama Canal to 
 Panama on December 31, 1999. 
1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide car-bomber. 
 63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 
1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky dive 
 from the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 
1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 
1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried to 
 storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 
1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game 
 in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer 
 and holder of 61 individual records. 
2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in 
 connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife about 
 a year before. 
2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of 
 north Florida. Four people were killed and 133 were injured. 
2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene 
 Dietrich an honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the United 
 States in 1930. She refused to return to Germany after 
 Adolf Hitler came to power. 
2016  smiled.


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Cheap computer desk 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin English Teacher Charged With Sexual Assault of a Student Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 17, in 1421 Dikes at Dort Holland break, 100,000 drown More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction. --- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
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Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School. The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple: If the hatch or a door drips, don't open it." ______________________________________________________ Bill's wife uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. When they were over for a weekend visit, she came into the front room where my office is. I guess I stared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair." The last thing I remember saying was, "Oh, really? And what time does it go off?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sara Domres, 29, New Berlin, Wisconsin Wisconsin English Teacher Charged With Sexual Assault of a Student A Wisconsin high school teacher is facing charges of sexual assault following an alleged sexual relationship with a student, including on the night of her husband's bachelor's party. Sara Domres, a 29-year-old former teacher at the New Berlin West High School, was charged last week for sexual assault of a student by school staff following an alleged relationship with a 16-year-old lasting approximately ten months. According to the criminal complaint, the sophomore was in Domres' English class, where they became fast friends, and texted each other frequently, the police report stated. During their relationship, lasting between April 2015 and January 2016, they reportedly exchanged over 1,100 messages. One of the many text messages said, "I love being your baby boo. (heart emoji) run away with me!!! I want you forever," according to the criminal complaint. According to the police statement, the boy was allegedly "a virgin prior to having sexual intercourse" with the teacher. One of the counts she is being charged with was for an encounter in Domres' car in a park-and-ride lot in July, according to the criminal complaint. The boy was 16 at the time. The other count she is being charged with responded to their encounter in a Motel 6, where she had paid for a single bed with cash, and it was discovered that the boy's phone was connected to the WiFi on the same day, authorities said. According to police, a message was sent the night before: "You're extremely attractive to me!!! I can't wait for our night we are doing it no matter what!!!" However, the boy as well as witnesses reportedly told the police that the couple had sex more frequently than the two instances. According to WISN, they even had sex on the night of Domres' now-husband's bachelor party. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported that Domres was married in August, in the midst of her relationship with the student. The police report also said that the couple had passed handwritten notes "of a sexual nature" to each other. One of them allegedly read: "I want to do you (smiley face) NOW!!" According to a police report, three juveniles reported the relationship on January 16. Police later uncovered multiple Internet searches from the student's phone from the previous day, the police report stated. One was a Yahoo search for, "how to delete a sent snapchat?" Another was a google search for "what evidence does a judge need to charge a teacher with sexual assault." The school had reportedly discovered the relationship sometime in January and she was immediately let go. Read: Man Raped 17-Year-Old Girl While Her Friend Recorded Attack on Periscope: Prosecutors Domres was released on $1,000 bail following the arrest, on the condition that she has "no contact with victim/witness/and family members, New Berlin West High School, students or staff listed in the Criminal Complaint," the Wisconsin Circuit Court noted on their website. She has pleaded not guilty to the charges, and her next hearing is on May 4. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria RE: Cheap computer desk Dear Webby I need a computer desk but they all cost way more than my budget allows. Do you have any ideas that might help me? Thanks Maria Get some bedside nightstands at a second hand store, preferably the type that has a bunch of drawers. Then get an interior door and cut it to fit into the space you have. They are usually hollow and easy to cut. Put that door over your nightstands and your desk is finished. Use it like that for a week or more until you have adjusted and shuffled everything just right before you glue anything down. However, normally the weight of the monitor will hold everything quite nicely and gluing won't be necessary. Use the door with the hole for the lock towards the wall or away from you. It is perfect to bing up power and phone cords. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Heard on a United Express flight during the exit announcement: "Please remove all personal items from the aircraft. Any items left on board can be found at my yard sale next Sunday." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Vetkoek By Benetta [226 Posts, 121 Comments] Vetkoek (fried dough bread) is another well-loved part of our South African food heritage. Whenever we have church bazaars, you can bet your bottom dollar that vetkoek will be sold at one of the food stalls. It can be served with savory mince, or cheese and honey, or cheese and jam. When I was forced to go gluten-free (due to health concerns), it was one of the first recipes that I played around with until I managed to come up with a good gluten- free version. Here goes... Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 6-7 vetkoek, depending on the size Ingredients: 1 cup Health Connection gluten free self-raising cake flour 1/2 cup soda water (carbonated water) 1/4 tsp salt 1 egg cooking oil Steps: Sift together the flour and salt. Add the egg and soda water. Mix all the ingredients together to get a smooth batter. Add enough oil to a pan so that the oil will measure 1cm up the side of the pan. Place over medium-high heat and heat the oil. Drop spoonfuls of batter in the warm oil and fry until golden brown on both sides. Allow to cool down a bit, before serving with mince, or with butter, cheese and honey. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ How often have we heard that television watching can be detrimental? A pastor carried that message one Sunday morning in an impassioned sermon on the evils of TV. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other, more worthwhile things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife muttered to the woman next to her, "and it gets awfully crowded in there!" ___________________________________________________
the double date
____________________________________________________ If garbage workers in your community ever go out on strike, you might like to know how a wise New Yorker disposed of his refuse for several days when sanitation workers were on strike. Each day he wrapped his garbage in gift paper. Then he put it in a shopping bag. When he parked his car, he left the bag on the front seat with the window open. When he got back to the car, the garbage had always been collected. __________________________________________________ Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I should ever fall behind in my payments, she might decide to repossess me." ____________________________________________________
What amazing strength and ability.
Power of puppies

Today on April 17
1421 Dikes at Dort Holland break, 100,000 drown
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to 
 find a passage to Asia and the Indies.
1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated.
1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano.
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the 
 American Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered 
 the seizure of U.S. ships.
1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton.
1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54' 40'.
1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire 
 escapes to be provided for tenement houses.
1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. 
 It was the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the 
 treaty China ceded Taiwan to Japan.
1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful 
 helicopter lift-off from water near Stratford, CT.
1946 The last French troops left Syria.
1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba 
 at the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro. 
 It was an unsuccessful attack.
1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane 
 solo around the world.
1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model.
1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia, 
 Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war.
1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters.
1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W. Beirut.
1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people 
 in a road ambush.
1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status.
1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former police
 officers of violating the civil rights of beaten motorist 
 Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted.
1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison 
 without parole for killing their parents.
2016  smiled.


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Obnoxious program on new laptop 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio "Fun Mom" Charged With Her 16-Year-Old Son's Heroin Overdose Death. His grandmother has been charged as well. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 16, in 1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain. Canada was already metric since 1970 and not using the British Imperial units of measurement anymore. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert Heinlein If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. --- Bradley's Bromide _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ 3 Cajuns and 3 Texans are taking a train to attend a conference. At the station, each Texan buys a ticket, but they notice that only one Cajun buys a ticket. "Don't you-all need tickets?" they ask. "Mais Non," reply the Cajuns, "one is more dan enough, boo." Once they board the train, the Texans take their seats and notice that all 3 Cajuns cram themselves into a toilet. As the conductor passes through the car, he knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door cracks ever so slightly, a hand passes out a ticket, and then the door quickly closes. "Ahhh... very clever" think the Texans. After the conference, the 3 Cajuns and the 3 Texans are again at the train station for the return trip. Since the Texans are now so 'money-wise', they smirk as they only purchase one ticket... but then they notice that the Cajuns don't buy a ticket at all. "How will you-all get back without even a single ticket?" they ask. "Mais, we don need dat, us on de back trip!" say the Cajuns. Once they board the train, the 3 Texans cram themselves into the largest toilet (naturally), and the 3 Cajuns ease into another toilet. As the train begins to move away from the station, one of the Cajuns leaves the toilet and knocks on the door of the Texans' toilet and yells, "Ticket Please."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ______________________________________________________ A doctor told Mrs. McMurphy to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. McMurphy came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. McMurphy answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six years ahead with the whiskey." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Frye, 31, Brenda Frye, 52 Green, Ohio "Fun Mom" Charged With Her 16-Year-Old Son's Heroin Overdose Death. His grandmother has been charged too. Heather Frye, 31, and her mother Brenda, 52, are charged with the involuntary manslaughter of Heather's biological son Andrew's death as well as corrupting another with drugs, child endangering, and tampering with evidence, the Akron Beacon Journal reports. The 16-year-old was found facedown dead in a Green, Ohio, Super 8 motel room after partying with the two women. According to the Washington Post, Heather and Brenda were also high on heroin and fentanyl when Andrew died, and it appears they "had a hand in obtaining and disseminating heroin among themselves" at the motel party, Summit County Sheriff Steve Barry said. Two of the women's friends were also partying with them. Andrew was pronounced dead on the scene, and investigators found drug paraphernalia and syringes in the motel room. After she was arrested, Heather told police she wanted to be Andrew's "fun weekend mom," the Cleveland Plain Dealer reports. Heather had not had custody of Andrew since he was 6 months old when she gave him up for adoption to his great-aunt Tammy Smith. When Smith's fiancé died in 2010, Andrew had a hard time coping, Tammy said. He then began seeking out his biological mother's company. Heather, who was in prison three times between 2007 and 2014 for drug-related charges, would visit a few times a year, but "never in a million years did we think she would get him into heroin," Tammy's daughter Julie Andrea said. "We think the only reason he did it was to get her approval." She reportedly told Andrew to shoot up in the bathroom of the motel room because she didn't like watching him use drugs. Should they be convicted, Heather and Brenda face up to 11 years in prison. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna RE: Obnoxious program on new laptop Dear Webby OK,so I bit the bullet and bought a new laptop, which of course came with Windoze 10. I'm managing fine with Windoze 10 Pro on my desktop, but the laptop came with Windoze 10 home (no big difference) so of course upon it's arrival I powered it up and started unstalling the JUNK I didn't want on it. There's one program I cannot seem to get rid of, every time I try and uninstall it is says it cannot uninstall it because it's running. If I alt/ctl/delete and bring up Task Manager, it does NOT show. It's called KNCTR and is some dumb phone program and says "click here to activate your free phone. I'm thinking of booting the laptop up in safe mode and trying to delete it that way. Any thoughts oh wise one? Love, Donna :) PS. It is absolutely AMAZING what MalwareBytes finds on an clean, out of the box laptop. ====================== I swear, just writing to you is magical. It was in the "load in startup" commands. You are a true magician! Donna Dear Donna I am glad that worked. Your tip about checking the start-up commands will hopefully help others too! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that"? ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Tomato Paste By Sweezykay [7 Posts, 10 Comments] What is the best way to store tomato paste for future use? Frozen is best but not in the can. Fill ice cube trays with left over tomato paste and freeze. Once frozen, remove from the trays and store in a freezer bag for 2-3 months. This trick works for pasta sauce too. Often just a cube works wonders for a stew that needs "something" to be perfect. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey." ___________________________________________________
How did he DO this?
____________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Hmmm, if you had done that too, I would be the son of the president and would have a much faster computer!" __________________________________________________ Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. ____________________________________________________
The Breathtaking Melissani Cave in Greece
Power of puppies

Today on April 16
0069 Otho committed suicide after being defeated by 
 Vitellius' troops at Bedriacum.
1065 The Norman Robert Guiscard took Bari. Five centuries 
 of Byzantine rule in southern Italy ended.
1705 Queen Anne of England knighted Isaac Newton.
1746 The Duke of Cumberland defeated Bonnie Prince Charlie 
 (and his Jacobites) at the battle of Culloden.
1818 The U.S. Senate ratified Rush-Bagot amendment to form 
 an unarmed U.S.-Canada border.
1854 San Salvador was destroyed by an earthquake.
1905 Andrew Carnegie donated $10,000,000 of personal money 
 to set up the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement 
 of Teaching.
1912 Harriet Quimby became the first woman to fly across 
 the English Channel.
1917 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin returned to Russia to start 
 Bolshevik Revolution after years of exile.
1922 Annie Oakley shot 100 clay targets in a row, to set 
 a women's record.
1942 The Island of Malta was awarded the George Cross in 
 recognition for heroism under constant German air attack.
1943 In Basel, Switzerland, chemist Albert Hoffman 
 accidently discovered the the hallucinogenic effects of 
 LSD-25 while working on the medicinal value of 
 lysergic acid.
1944 The destroyer USS Laffey survived immense damage from 
 attacks by 22 Japanese aircraft off Okinawa.
1947 The Zoomar lens, invented by Dr. Frank Back, was 
 demonstrated in New York City. It was the first lens 
 to exhibit zooming effects.
1947 In Texas City, TX, the French ship Grandcamp, carrying 
 ammonium nitrate fertilizer, caught fire and blew up. The 
 explosions and resulting fires killed 576 people.
1951 75 people were killed when the British submarine Affray 
 sank in the English Channel.
1968 The Pentagon announced that troops would begin coming 
 home from Vietnam. The Vietnam war became a defeat from home.
1972 Apollo 16 blasted off on a voyage to the moon. It was 
 the fifth manned moon landing.
1975 The Khmer Rouge Rebels won control of Cambodia after 
 five years of civil war. They renamed the country Kampuchea 
 and began a reign of terror.
1982 Queen Elizabeth proclaimed Canada's new constitution 
 in effect. The act severed the last colonial links with Britain.
1983 China shelled the Vietnam border in retaliation for raids.
1983 Brazil detained four Libyan planes en route to Nicaragua 
 after finding weapons, explosives and ammunition on planes.
1987 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) sternly 
 warned U.S. radio stations to watch the use of indecent 
 language on the airwaves.
1987 The U.S. Patent Office began allowing the patenting of 
 new animals created by genetic engineering.
1992 The House ethics committee listed 303 current and former 
 lawmakers who had overdrawn their House bank accounts.
1995 The European Union and Canada agreed to protect 
 threatened fish stocks in the north Atlantic.
1996 An Italian court found former Prime Minister Bettino 
 Craxi guilty on charges of corruption. He was sentenced to 
 eight years and three months in prison.
1999 Wayne Gretzky announced his retirement from the 
 National Hockey League (NHL).
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned major parts of a 1996 
 child pornography law based on rights to free speech.
2007 In Blacksburg, VA, a student killed 33 people at Virginia 
 Tech before killing himself. 

2016  smiled.


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Moving Eudora with all filters and settings to W8 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NJ Woman, who set apartment on fire after learning her boyfriend is now gay. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 15, in 1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four died on the day of the incident and two more later died from their injuries. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner "A couple of months in the laboratory can save a couple of hours in the library." --- Westheimer's Discovery _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My neighbor is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him... and his mother won't take him back.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
"Why do the Irish always fight amongst themselves?" "Everybody else is relatively sober by comparison" ______________________________________________________ Cindy said: "I come from a wealthy divorced family. My mom's wealthy, my dad's divorced." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lakishette Williams, 25, Trenton, New Jersey Woman sets apartment on fire after learning her boyfriend is now gay. A woman accused of starting fires in her apartment was burning love letters from her boyfriend after she discovered he was gay and cheating on her, the woman's defense attorney said Friday. Lakishette Williams, 25, appeared for a bail reconsideration hearing Friday - four months after she was charged with aggravated arson for the incident. Police said at the time that they pulled Williams from her apartment on North Gouverneur Avenue and found that she had started fires in two rooms. Prosecutors said Friday that police found evidence of the first fire on a stovetop in the kitchen where they discovered remnants of charred paper on a burner. After investigating the rest of the apartment, they found broken glass and evidence of more burned papers in the living room and an aerosol can nearby, prosecutors said. They added that the building held other apartments, including one that was occupied when Williams lit the fires. Prosecutors believe Williams intended to damage the building. Caroline Turner, an attorney representing Williams, said that the 25-year-old wasn't trying to light the apartment on fire – she was just burning love letters from her boyfriend. Williams had recently discovered online that her boyfriend was gay and in relationships with other men, Turner said. Distraught over her failed relationship, the 25-year-old mother of two decided to get rid of the love letters, Turner said. "She was devastated." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David RE: Transfer Eudora to W8 Dear Webby Thanks for the advice on the classic shell for windows 8. Now the next problem. On my old machine in Eudora I have saved a number of emails and set up a number of filters. Is there any way to transfer this info to my new machine short of having to recreate each one individually? Thanks again. David L Dear David Yes, that part is easy. I have done that since Windows 3.1 If your machines are networked, copy the Eudora setup file to the new machine and set it up. That puts it into the registry. Next drag the entire Eudora directory over to the new machine. Make a shortcut for Eudora.exe and drag it to the task bar or the desktop. That's all there is to it. After that Eudora on the new machine will be identical to how it was on the old one, including filters and preferences. If you don't have the Eudora Setup file, come onto Skype. My handle is, of course, dearwebby Then I can slide you version 6.2.5.6 (paid mode) That is the last good version, before they went to 7. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ On vacation a nine-year-old boy and his father were at the pool, where two very attractive women wearing skimpy bikinis were sunning themselves. The father noticed that his son kept staring at the girls and would occasionally glance back at him. He was bracing himself for questions his son might have when they got up to leave. His son watched the girls very closely as they left, then he turned to his father and said, "Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls left behind?" ---------- Times sure have changed ! I would have waited till they were out of sight of my father, then sprinted after them with their candy bar, and I would have gotten a hug, maybe even a kiss. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Asian Soup By Donna [321 Posts, 336 Comments] A quick and delicious soup using left over chicken, pork, or beef. Much healthier, cheaper and better than any canned soup you can buy. Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 4 servings Ingredients: 1/2 onion, chopped 1 rib celery, chopped 1 carrot, chopped 1 Tbsp olive oil 2 garlic cloves, minced small piece of fresh ginger, minced or sprinkle of dried ginger 2 cups chicken broth 1 1/2 cup water 1 cup leftover chicken, pork or beef 1 Tbsp soy sauce 2 Tbsp lime juice Steps: Chop onion, celery and carrot. I use a Black and Decker mini chopper that I found in a free box at a garage sale and love it! Saves a lot of time and energy. Cook vegetables in a heavy pot in olive oil until tender; about 3 minutes. Add minced garlic and ginger to taste. Add chicken broth and water. Bring to simmer. Add cooked meat to mix and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir in soy sauce and lime juice. Optional: Add noodles or rice if desired. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At the company water cooler, bragged about the children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and the daughter was completing a year-long research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" ___________________________________________________
the piano player
____________________________________________________ The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again and he screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down and an even larger chunk of plaster fell, this time hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" __________________________________________________ British bus drivers always like stopping in the biggest puddle on the block, but this one seems to have gotten a bit carried away. ____________________________________________________
We celebrate the heroes of history, why do we not celebrate the heroines of which there are many?
Power of puppies

Today on April 15
1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland.
1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish
 held city of Mobile that would be in the future state of 
 Alabama.
1850 The city of San Francisco was incorporated.
1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated 
 Spanish loyalists.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army.
1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas.
1892 The General Electric Company was organized.
1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Co
1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic 
 after hitting an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people 
 died and more than 700 people survived.
1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras.
1919 British troops killed 400 Indians at Amritsar, India.
1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering 
 with diabetes.
1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway.
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle.
1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air.
1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit 
 rather than face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. 
 Chaplin was accused of sympathizing with Communist groups.
1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour.
1983 Tokyo Disneyland opened.
1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the 
 bombing of a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986.
1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy 
 protests upon the death of former Communist Party leader 
 Hu Yaobang.
1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds 
 were injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when 
 a crowd surged into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four 
 died on the day of the incident and two more later died 
 from their injuries.
1994 The World Trade Organization was established.
1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer 
 Rouge regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 
 2 million Cambodians.
1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court 
 judges convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and 
 her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, of corruption.
2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters 
 were arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without 
 a permit. 
2016  smiled.


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BASH on Windows 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 14

Daniel wrote that he uses the ridiculously expensive
aerosol cans, that cause brain damage and kill people,
in his work restroring old padlocks.

Tiny air compressors that produce up to 300 pounds 
per square inch compressed air for inflating tires
and come with all kinds of fittings, incuding a needle
tip for inflating balls, are $15 - $20. 
Just google for "small air compressors" and take your pick.
Find one sold locally, so that you don't have to pay 
shipping. For $15 - $20 once, you will never have to buy
dangerous cans again.

By the way, the easiest method to get cookie crumbs and dirt
out of keyboards is to lay some newspaper onto the floor, 
and slam the keyboard upside down onto the newspaper.
Do it a few times and teach it a lesson about all those 
typos!

After that just use a sponge moistened with  dish water or
window cleaner, and rub the still upside down keyboard.
Then slam it, still upside down, onto a towel on the floor.

After that is is like new and didn't cost you anything.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Drunk Pennsylvania guy, who made a fake DUI checkpoint, gets charged with DUI Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 14, in 1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. --- Will Rogers _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $1500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $500."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones." ______________________________________________________ Dubai Gardens ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Logan Shaulis, 20, Somerset, Pennsylvania Drunk guy makes fake DUI checkpoint, gets charged with DUI A Pennsylvania man set up a fake drunken-driving checkpoint only to be charged with drunken driving himself when real troopers arrived to investigate. The (Somerset) Daily American says 20-year-old Logan Shaulis will be sentenced June 27. He pleaded guilty Thursday to drunken driving, possessing instruments of crime, and impersonating a public servant. Police say Shaulis used a flashing blue light bar, parked diagonally across state Route 601 and set up road flares about 4 a.m. on May 30. A motorist who stopped says Shaulis claimed he was a trooper with the “drug and alcohol division” and demanded to see her identification. When police arrived, Shaulis tried to hand a BB pistol to the car’s passenger, saying he couldn’t get caught with it. Shaulis’ attorney says Shaulis has since completed substance abuse treatment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ria RE: Linux BASH on Windows? Dear Webby I heard that W10 Now has access to thge Linux Bash shell or will really soon. Is that true? Is it a real Linux/UNIX bash shell, or just a relabled DOS shell? How easy is it to get it, and how reliable is it, compared to real Linux? Ria Dear Ria First, it is not easy to get. You have to sign up for all kinds of stuff and agree, that there won't be any guarantees whatsoever. Microsoft says it COULD work. After that, and joining some insider developers gang, you can download and install it. I would highly recommend that you first save a mirror image of your hard drive onto a spare drive. Eventually most bash commands, that you use on Linux, should work, just like DOS commands work when you go to the command line in Windows with START, cmd. That does not mean you can run Linux programs or Linux versions of programs. For that you need real Linux. If you have a bunch of BASH programs (Linux/UNIX equivalent of DOS bat files), then you can now use those for sorting and weeding out files on Windows 10, just like you do on your Linux machines. By the time they force us to "upgrade" to Windows 15 or 16, Windows will have a version that is just another flavor of Linux, like Linux Ubuntu is a flavor. That has been announced a long time ago. Windows is getting too big and slow because of trying to cope with old versions of software, so they are going to make a clean break some day and possibly split off a professional version, that runs Linux Microsoft. The big problem is that Linux is free, and Microsoft is allergic to that concept. It will be interesting! But not yet. For now you are better off converting your bash files to DOS bat files. DOS is alive and well deep down inside of Windows. I use a bat file that uses xcopy with a bunch of neat switches to do my backup to an external drive. That backup bat file is from Windows 3.1, just has a lot more lines added to it. Xcopy is the DOS equivalent of UNIX rsync, but without the silly authentication rigmarole, and with more switches than rsync has. Yes, sometimes I wish there was a DOS shell for Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt Spout Mason Jar By lalala... Don't throw that empty salt container away. You can remove the top with the spout and cut it down to fit inside a mason jar ring! Now you can put all kind of things in the jar and easily pour out the amount you want. For best results dip the cardboard cut-out from the salt box in spar varnish or any good, waterproof varnish. Even spray on varnish works. You will have to wiggle the spout a bit while the varnish is setting up, so that it does not lock. When I was living in the bush in the Yukon I even used pasta sauce jars with screw top caps, marked and poked a hole into the lid and then glued one of my varnished cardboard toppers onto the screw-on cap. No need to buy expensive mason jars for that. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is that it is a cesarean." Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby, but being from Minnasohta, I vas kinda hoping it vould be Norvegian. ___________________________________________________
fight for your life - Fed Ex Flight 705 - Intense
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Father Time for this one: At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet stretches out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strides to a warm but dignified h and shake from Queen Elizabeth II. They ride in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they then board an open 17th century coach pulled by six magnificent white matching horses. They ride toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons. So far everything is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of flatulence ever heard in the British Empire and so powerful,that it shakes the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two Dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident. But, embarrassed, the Queen decides it's impossible to ignore it. "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things not even a Queen can control." Ever the Texas gentleman, the President replies, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses." __________________________________________________ Short on funds, Lisa decided with some apprehension to let her roommate, a professional dog groomer, give her a haircut. To her relief, she did a terrific job. "It's great!" she said. "But how can I be sure to get the same style the next time I go to the beauty shop?" "Simple," she answered. "Just say you want the top cut like a poodle, the sides like a schnauzer, and the back like a Lhasa apso." ____________________________________________________
Where's my back pack!
Power of puppies

Today on April 14
1775 The first abolitionist society in U.S. was organized 
 in Philadelphia with Ben Franklin as president.
1793 A royalist rebellion in Santo Domingo was crushed by 
 French republican troops.
1860 The first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco 
 with mail originating in St. Joseph, MO.
1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in 
 Ford's Theater by John Wilkes Booth. He actually died 
 early the next morning.
1894 First public showing of Thomas Edison's kinetoscope 
 took place.
1902 James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store 
in Kemmerer, WY. It was called the Golden Rule Store.
1912 The Atlantic passenger liner Titanic, on its maiden 
 voyage hit an iceberg and began to sink. 1,517 people lost 
 their lives and more than 700 survived.
1931 King Alfonso XIII of Spain went into exile and the 
 Spanish Republic was proclaimed.
1946 The civil war between Communists and nationalist 
 resumed in China.
1953 Viet Minh invaded Laos with 40,00 troops.
1956 Ampex Corporation of Redwood City, CA, demonstrated 
 the first commercial magnetic tape recorder for sound 
 and picture.
1981 America's first space shuttle, Columbia, returned 
to Earth after a three-day test flight. The shuttle 
orbited the Earth 36 times during the mission.
1984 The Texas Board of Education began requiring that 
 the state's public school textbooks describe the evolution 
 of human beings as "theory rather than fact".
1986 U.S. President Reagan announced the U.S. air raid on 
 military and terrorist related targets in Libya.
1987 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev proposed banning all 
 missiles from Europe.
1988 Representatives from the U.S.S.R., Pakistan, Afghanistan 
 and the U.S. signed an agreement that called for the 
 withdrawal of Soviet forces from Afghanistan starting on 
 May 15. The last Soviet troop left Afghanistan on 
 February 15, 1989.
1988 In New York, real estate tycoons Harry and Leona 
 Helmsley were indicted for income tax evasion.
1998 The state of Virginia ignored the requests from the 
 World Court and executed a Paraguayan for the murder of 
 a U.S. woman.
1999 Pakistan test-fired a ballistic missile that was capable 
 of carrying a nuclear warhead and reaching its rival neighbor 
 India.
2002 Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez returned to office two 
 days after being arrested by his country's military.
2008 Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines announced they were 
 combining. 
2016  smiled.


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