Is refilling illegal or does it void the warranty? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 8

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Oklahoma teacher arrested  with Heroin, meth,
40 syringes in her purse
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 8 in
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was
the French chemist, who discovered oxygen and helped set
up the Metric system.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale. But I s'pose someone who don't read so good, prolly can't afford a horse ?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call. Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill. Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Kelly: "This is my mother." Secretary: "Tell your mother that you flunked 'lying', and that you will have to pick up garbage around the school until you fill two bags. AFTER school. You better get your lazy butt to school RIGHT NOW, or else I am calling the cops and report you as truant!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Megan Sloan, 27, Sapulpa, Oklahoma Oklahoma teacher arrested with Heroin, meth, 40 syringes in her purse A second-grade teacher in Oklahoma was arrested on drug and embezzlement charges on Monday when police found dozens of needles, heroin, meth and Suboxone in her purse, according to an affidavit. Court records show another teacher reported Megan Sloan, 27, to Holmes Park Elementary administrators after Sloan left her Facebook account open on another teacher’s computer. The teacher had reportedly read a message in which Sloan detailed how she pawned school items and sold heroin. Once those details came to light, school administrators contacted authorities who came to the school to question Sloan. They say she confessed to using the drugs before they even searched her purse and found heroin. She says her kids have never had access to her purse, Sapulpa Police Lieutenant Philip Diehl told local affiliate KWTV. This particular morning the purse was left in the classroom, because as soon as she arrived at work she was called down to the office, and so she set her purse down and left. Diehl said they found multiple, maybe 40 syringes, some empty, inside her purse. Police say she is also suspected of using students field trip money and selling school-issued iPads to pay for drugs. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerome Re: Is ink refilling illegal and does it void warranty? Dear Webby Is ink refillilling illegal and does it really void the warranty? Jerome Dear Jerome No it is not illegal, and it does not void any warrantly. Using a refill kit as instructed or using either a remanufactured or compatible ink cartridge does not void a warranty according to federal law: (section 2302(c) of the Magnuson-Moss Warranty Act). If you see any claims to the contrary, and it does not show "except where prohibited by law", then they can't mess with your warranty. In the US it is prohibited by law to mess with your warranty, just because you used equivalent or better ink. Don't let them scare you. If you see any illegal threats regarding your warranty, just ignore them. Have FUN! DearWebby
The teacher was asking the kids where they were going to go for their summer vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked him. "We're going to visit my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, since I am probably going to flunk this class, most likely I'll be going to Balconia, or maybe the wood shed."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Kill Aphids By Donna Lusk [5 Posts, 3 Comments] February 24, 2012 1 found this helpful Best Answer get a large spray bottle big enough to hold the followig ingredients: 1 cup vegetable oil or white mineral oil 2 cups water 2 teaspoons bleach free dish soap Add all ingredients to spray bottle and shake well before each use because the oil separates from the soap mixture once it sits for a bit. When spraying your plants, bushes etc... be sure you spray under the leaves and on any new growth as that is where the aphids love to hide and eat. This works excellent for us and I hope it will do the same for you. Be sure not to add more soap than required as it can kill your plants. Donna L. Watauga, TX
clarinet from carrot
____________________________________________________ >From Rollie: While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. Naturally my eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?" ___________________________________________________
I love the "Over the shoulder look."
>From Mary F My son from California who was visiting this weekend tells me that there were a couple of terrorists who had made it into the US and were having coffee in San Francisco when one of them started conversing in Arabic. The other cautioned him and then reminded him, "We are in the California now. Speak in Spanish."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . " The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here."

Today, on May 8
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. They
passed through without incident. 

1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against
King Henry VI. 

1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. He
called it Rio de Espiritu Santo. 

1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was
the French chemist that discovered oxygen and helped set
up the Metric system. 

1794 The United States Post Office was established. 

1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought.
The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX. 

1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson. 

1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile

1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what
would later be called "Coca-Cola." 

1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian

1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that
designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day. 

1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a navy

1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment. 

1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British
oppression in India. 

1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and
destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto. 

1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War
II had ended in Europe. 

1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad
Magazine" for the first time. 

1958 U.S. President Eisenhower ordered the National Guard
out of Little Rock as Ernest Green became the first black
to graduate from an Arkansas public school. 

1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet
Union resumed. 

1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on
New York City's Wall Street. 

1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South
Dakota hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered. 

1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not
participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los

1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th
anniversary of Coca-Cola. it was a dud.

1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been
evacuated from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in

1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without
water in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days
of shortages that 2 million already faced. 

1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel
military college. 

2017  smiled.

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Letter writing shortcut on the desktop 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 7

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man, who ran worlds largest child-pornography 
website gets 30 years
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 7 in
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by 
Joan of Arc. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Mistakes are the portals of discovery. --- James Joyce (1882 - 1941) I happen to feel that the degree of a person's intelligence is directly reflected by the number of conflicting attitudes she can bring to bear on the same topic. --- Lisa Alther ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and ask for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays" The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister who, after all, is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?" The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son, if sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Luigi Feniello ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Steven W. Chase, 58, Naples, Florida Man, who ran worlds largest child-pornography website gets 30 years A Florida man identified by federal prosecutors as the creator and lead administrator of what’s thought to be the world’s largest child-pornography website has been sentenced to 30 years in prison. The FBI said in a news release Friday that 58-year-old Steven W. Chase of Naples, Florida, was sentenced this week in a federal courtroom in North Carolina. Two co-defendants who also were identified as administrators of the website each received 20-year prison terms earlier this year. According to the FBI, Chase created a website called Playpen in August 2014 on an open internet network where users can communicate anonymously through “hidden service” websites. Chase ran Playpen, which the FBI said had more than 150,000 users around the world. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glenis Re: Letter shortcut on desktop Dear Webby I saw one of the IT guys click on an icon and an already addressed email opened up. He just put some quick comments into the body of the email and fired it off. I didn't want to ask him and appear stupid, especially since those guys can't explain anything anyway. I take information by phone and then fire quotes by email to the four salespeople. I know YOU can explain how to do that. Thanks Glenis Dear Glenis Right-click on a free spot on the desktop's edge, New Shortcut and into the location field type:"Quote # 123456" For the shortcut name, use johnie or whatever the name of that salesperson is. Hit OK until you are out of it and it's ready to use. With the Quote number, just use all but the last 3 digits. Those you'll fill in manually when you send the email. Once you have those shortcuts made for all four, make or find four different icons, that are suitable for those four people, and change their shortcut icons to those. Done. Have FUN! DearWebby
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making Ice Last Longer Cover the ice in a picnic cooler with foil to help it last longer. Keep water in your canteen cooler by wrapping the canteen in foil. Tip provided by
If you REALLY want to cool a canteen, use a sawed off leg of old jeans, sewed closed at the bottom and the top cut and re-inforced like shopping bag handles. Soak the pant leg, put the canteen into it and hang it from a side mirror or front bumper or grill. As the wind evaporates the water, it sucks heat out of the canteen. Long socks work too, but you will wind up with ice in the canteen if you drive too fast. That is the reason why military canteens used to be covered with cotton cloth. Have FUN! DearWebby
horse won't leave reporter alone
____________________________________________________ >From Alice: On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me." ___________________________________________________
Beautiful gentle giants.
I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 7
0558 The Dome Of The Church Of St. Sophia In
Constantinople Collapsed. It Was Immediately Rebuilt As
Ordered By Justinian. 

1429 The English Siege Of Orleans Was Broken By Joan Of

1525 The German Peasants' Revolt Was Crushed By The Ruling
Class And Church. 

1763 Indian Chief Pontiac Began All Out War On The British
In New York. 

1912 The First Airplane Equipped With A Machine Gun Flew
Over College Park, Md. 

1915 The Lusitania, A Civilian Ship Carrying Poison Gas,
Was Sunk By A German Submarine. 1,201 People Were Killed. 

1926 A U.S. Report Showed That One-Third Of The Nation's
Exports Were Motors. 

1937 The German Condor Legion Arrived In Spain To Assist
Franco’S Forces. 

1939 Germany And Italy Announced A Military And Political
Alliance Known As The Rome-Berlin Axis. 

1940 Winston Churchill Became British Prime Minister. 

1942 In The Battle Of The Coral Sea, Japanese And American
Navies Attacked Each Other With Carrier Planes. It Was The
First Time In The History Of Naval Warfare Where Two Enemy
Fleets Fought Without Seeing Each Other. 

1943 The Last Major German Strongholds In North Africa,
Tunis And Bizerte, Fell To Allied Forces. 

1945 Germany Signed Unconditional Surrender Ending World
War Ii. It Would Take Effect The Next Day. 

1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. Was
Founded. The Company Was Later Renamed Sony. 

1951 Russia Was Admitted To Participate In The 1952
Olympic Games By The International Olympic Committee. 

1954 French Colonial Forces Surrendered To The Vietminh At
Dien Bien Phu After 55 Days Of Fighting.

1954 The United States And The United Kingdom Rejected The
Soviet Union's Bid To Join Nato. 

1958 Howard Johnson Set An Aircraft Altitude Record In F-

1960 Leonid Brezhnev Became President Of The Soviet Union.

1975 U.S. President Ford Declared An End To The Vietnam

1984 A $180 Million Out-Of-Court Settlement Was Announced
In The Agent Orange Class-Action Suit Brought By Vietnam
Veterans Who Claimed They Had Suffered Injury From
Exposure To The Defoliant While Serving In The Armed

1992 A 203-Year-Old Proposed Constitutional Amendment
Barring The U.S. Congress From Giving Itself A Midterm Pay
Raise Was Ratified As The 27th Amendment. 

1994 The Edvard Munch Painting "The Scream" Was Recovered
After Being Stolen 3 Months Earlier From An Oslo Museum.
This Version Of "The Scream", One Of Four Different
Versions, Was Painted On Paper. 

1996 The Trial Of Serbian Police Officer Dusan Tadic
Opened In The Netherlands. He Was Later Convicted On
Murder-Torture Charges And Was Sentenced To 20 Years In

1997 A Report Released By The U.S. Government Said That
Switzerland Provided Nazi Germany With Equipment And
Credit During World War Ii. Germany Exchanged For Gold
That Had Been Plundered Or Stolen. Switzerland Did Not
Comply With Postwar Agreements To Return The Gold. 

1998 Daimler-Benz Bought Chrysler Corp. For Close To $40
Billion. It Was The Largest Industrial Merger On Record. 

1999 A Jury Ruled That "The Jenny Jones Show" And Warner
Bros. Were Liable In The Shooting Death Of Scott Amedure.
He Was Killed By Another Guest On The Show. The Jury's
Award Was $25 Million. 

1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, Three Chinese Citizens Were
Killed And 20 Were Wounded When A Nato Plane Mistakenly
Bombed The Chinese Embassy. 

1999 In Guinea-Bissau, The Government Of President João
Bernardo Vieira Was Ousted In A Military Coup. 

2003 In Washington, Dc, General Motors Corp. Delivered Six
Fuel Cell Vehicles To Capitol Hill For Lawmakers And
Others To Test Drive During The Next Two Years. 

2017  smiled.

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What is defragging all about? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 6

Thank you, Mildred!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman arrested after she said she fired gun to 
scare teen she caught raping neighbor’s dog
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 6 in
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, 
bringing about the end of the Renaissance. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober Traditions are standardized ways of dealing with situations that have been experienced by others before. ---Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter from for this one: heard a good one: Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me excitedly, "Did you win, Dad?" I have explained to him time and time again that you're really just playing against yourself. This time the family was on vacation and I had gone out to play a round. When I returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was full of young kids and surrounded by dozens of parents. From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled, "Hey Dad! Were you just playing with yourself? We checked out that night. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Georgiagirl for this joke: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I is ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I is ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone, she goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and I say, 'Yellow, this is Mr Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighbourhood near you, and works for your phone company's Help Desk. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kerrie Lenkerd, 40, Centerton, Arkansas Woman arrested after she said she fired gun to scare teen she caught raping neighbor’s dog Police arrested an Arkansas woman last week after she allegedly shot at a 14-year-old boy whom she accused of trying to rape a neighbor’s dog. Kerrie Lenkerd, 40, was arrested on Tuesday, April 25, according to an arrest warrant. She is facing a charge of felony aggravated assault. On Monday, April 17, Centerton police talked to Lenkerd, who said that she spotted the teenager out her window in her neighbor’s yard. She told police that the boy was in his boxers and he was sexually assaulting the neighbor’s dog, according to KFSM-TV. Lenkerd said the boy has done this before, so she took a gun from her safe and approached him and ordered him to get on the ground, the warrant states. She said the boy jumped the fence and so she went after him and fired a shot into the ground to scare him. She said the boy ran away leaving behind some clothes and an iPad. Officers spoke to several neighbors who said they heard the gunshot and then spotted the boy running away, the document states. The following day, officers spoke to the boy, who said Lenkerd came around and pointed a gun at him and told him to put his hands up, the warrant states. He said he didn’t see her carrying a badge so he jumped the fence and ran away in his underwear. He said Lenkerd fired a shot about five or 10 seconds after he jumped the fence. The boy told police that when he got home he changed clothes and told his mom a false story before meeting with officers. Lenkerd was taken to the Benton County Detention Center, where she was held on a $5,000 bond. -------------------- I really sympathise with her, but when a perp is fleeing and no threat, then you can't shoot. Since she had his iPad and his pants, there was no need for shooting, especially not after he was beyond the fence. Since cops get in trouble for shooting at a fleeing perp, they won't let civilians get away with that. They will take all her guns and make her a felon, which means no more guns for the rest of her life, and no vactions in Canada or many other fine countries. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: Defragging Dear Webby What is this defragging all about and how does it work? Eddie Dear Eddie Every time a file is opened and changed, it's size changes. When it is saved again, the part that does not fit into the original spot, is placed somewhere else. That is a fragment. Over time, some files will be in bits and pieces all over the place. Naturally, that slows everything down and also can cause reliability problems. A defragger re-unites all the different pieces of each file. After the first time you run a good defragger, it will feel like you had bought a newer and faster computer. Currently the defragger in the Glary Utilities seems to be the best of the free ones. Be careful, though with the rest of the utilities bundled with it and only use them after you have done a full back-up! Have FUN! DearWebby
A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers, when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Wendy informed the teacher, "Anni has to go to the principal's office." "Do you know why ?", the teacher asked. "Because she's a following person," Wendy replied. "A what?" "It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office...'"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Starting a Pussy Willow Plant from a Branch By Ellen You can easily start a pussy willow by rooting one of its branches in water. Pussy willows (like other trees in the willow family) produce a natural rooting hormone that encourages them to root quickly. In fact, if you put cutting from other plants in with the pussy willows that are rooting, the other plants are likely to root faster due to the presence of the rooting hormone. To start a branch in water, select a 12 to 16 inch section that is from 1/2 to 1 inch thick. Remove any leaves that will fall before the water line, and stick the branch in a bucket of water. Store the branch in a cool place out of direct sunlight until some roots emerge. Then transplant the branch outdoors to moist soil. Rooting a Branch in Soil Although pussy willow branches root easily in water, they will take off much faster if you root them directly in moist soil. This is because water roots (roots that have developed in water) are not the same as roots that have developed in soil. Water roots need time to adapt to their new growing conditions in soil, so branches that are rooted this way will take a bit longer to become established. Pussy willow branches can be rooted in pots indoors or directly in the garden as soon as weather permits (danger of frost is past). Have fun! Ellen
horse won't leave reporter alone
____________________________________________________ Did you know that in order to encourage interstate commerce in the US every second state forbids fireworks and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can always tell that you are getting close to a state border when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the freeway. In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had spray-painted underneath: "That would do them good" ___________________________________________________ ... gt; src="" width="263" height="100" border=0 align="left" style="margin-right:20;"> Van Gogh's Starry Night painted on water.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 6
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the
end of the Renaissance. 

1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of
Ghagra, India. 

1576 The peace treaty of Chastenoy ended the fifth war of

1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France.

1840 The first adhesive postage stamps went on sale in
Great Britain. 

1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John

1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock. 

1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in

1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act.
The act barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10

1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France,
marking the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the
exposition was the first automobile in Paris, the

1910 King Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by
his second son, George V. 

1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in
Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were

1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership. 

1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of
the Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on
Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese. 

1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to
Allied troops. 

1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the
Pulitzer Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage". 

1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold
for $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid (at
the time) for a painting by a living artist. 

1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong
Jones. They were divorced in 1978. 

1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act
of 1960. 

1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris

1981 A jury of international architects and sculptors
unanimously selected Maya Ying Lin's entry for the design
of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 

1994 The Channel Tunnel officially opened. The tunnel
under the English Channel links England and France. 

1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit
against U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he
had sexually harassed her in 1991. 

1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to 25
years in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen
Proving Ground in Maryland. 

1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of
$600 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from
tainted blood between 1978-1985. 

1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy
Fisher. She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her
lover's wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face. 

2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police
in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002
in Rock Creek Park. 

2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than
$100 million in its first weekend.

2017  smiled.

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Old Clip-art 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your 
support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arizona Father charged with child abuse after 
using taser on 11 year old son six times in a year
to get him to do his homework.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 5 in
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his 
second trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named 
the island Santa Gloria. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ History is more or less bunk. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. "But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained. "Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He charged $100 in advance, with a full money-back guarantee if his miracle did not cure a person. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor to prove that he wasn't so miraculous. He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. I will keep your $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little. Then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ______________________________________________________ Chinese Topiary Gardens ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darryl Ingram, 49, Goodyear, Arizona Arizona Father charged with child abuse after using taser on 11 year old son six times in a year to get him to do his homework. Bus Driver Asked Boy About Marks on Shoulder. He Says They’re From a ‘Toy’ His Dad’s Been Using. Ingram reportedly tried to trick him into thinking he was using a phone app to punish him, not a real Taser — but the injuries the child suffered were all too real. The 49-year-old father denied using a real Taser on his son, claiming he only used an app on him. The father told police he didn't even have a Taser, but authorities found one and a family member confirmed that Ingram owned it. Ingram then allegedly admitted to police later that he used a real Taser on his son one time. He explained: "I was telling him this is a toy compared to what police use. I just kind of showed him against myself. It basically is like a pinch. It doesn’t deliver much voltage or anything. It does kinda like pinch the skin.” He also described his reason for using it: "If your behavior and the way you’re doing things continues on, somewhere down the line, this is something that is going to be used on you. You have to be obedient.” Ingram has been charged with child abuse for his actions. This isn't the first time Ingram has been investigated for abuse. On another occasion, school officials called child welfare workers to report that the father allegedly hit his son. Court records show that the case was later dismissed. His 11-year-old son has been removed from his custody and is now living with his mother in another state, where the sweet little angel will do his homework without needing a jolt six times a year. -------------------------- Considering that one jolt was not enough and that he needed five reminders throughout the year, some stronger punishment might be necessary. The carpet beater used for dusting my butt worked fairly well, especially with having to hang all the carpets on the fence afterward and having to beat them until they were clean, with all the neighbor kids snickering at a safe distance. By the time we got a vacuum cleaner, I had learned to behave. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marnie Re: Old clip art Dear Webby I am writing a book for friends with old recipes and need clip-art to decorate it. Where would I find that? Marnie Dear Marnie Try the "Gallery Of Regrettable Food" at Gallery There are all kinds of nowadays funny pictures, from dough-boy-PLUS shaped, pencil-mustachoid chefs, to moms in 40's and 50's style hairdoos messing with dough or old appliances. Some of the pictures need to be touched up, but many of them are quite funny. Check for copyrights Have FUN! DearWebby
>From the Kidd family: TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand." ______________ TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog! ______________ TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? PUPIL: A teacher. _____________ TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLIE: Me!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Reusing Broken Terra Cotta Planters By Sandra When one of my terra cotta planters crack, or break, I take a hammer and remove the broken side and then place the good half in front of a plant in my garden. I cover the edges of the planter with just enough soil to hide them so it looks like the other half is buried. I love how it appears that the plant is 'growing' out of the half buried planter. And with the broken half that I hammered away from the good half, I hammer the pieces small enough to use in the bottom of another planter for drainage. There is no waste of a terra cotta, or clay pot, at my house. :-) You can glue them back together with white or yellow carpenter`s glue, or cement milk. (Cement and water) Usually that is stronger than original, but if you are worried, you can get the mesh that the sheet rockers use for gypsum board, smear some cement milk in the break area, dip the mesh in cement milk and slap it on. The rest of the pot may get broken some day, but that repair will remain solid. You can also wash the pot with cement milk to give it a grey, rock color appearance. Have FUN! DearWebby
Eagle flight
____________________________________________________ A college freshman, returning home for the summer, was discussing the problems of living at college. He was commenting on the cost of food, power, insurance and the other costs of living that we must all endure. Mom commented back to her son that she knew just how he felt. He got a puzzled look and said “how would you know mom? You still live at home”. ___________________________________________________
Kids are awesome!
Thanks to Dave for this story: After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of silica, indicating 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high- tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians." One week later, the Canadian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Canadian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology. ------------------ Yep. That's right. Smoke signals are definitely wireless. To this day half the Government is accusing it the other half, that their posturing is just smoke and mirrors, while those in turn are trying to tax smoking out of Canadian life. However, if everybody stopped smoking, the Government couldn't afford medicare!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 5
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second
trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa

1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that
the USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate
was launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put
to sea. 

1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a
woman. It was for technique for weaving straw with silk
and thread. 

1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft.
Ontario, Oswego, NY. 

1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium. 

1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as
Cinco de Mayo Day. 

1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing
slavery in the U.S. 

1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was
later renamed Carnegie Hall. 

1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese
Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese
in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation. 

1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at
the Church of St. Andrew in New York City. 

1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began

1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic. 

1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was
arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. 

1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in
Germany for the first time. 

1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for

1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on
bottle cap with a pour lip. 

1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi

1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain
in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.

1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became
a sovereign state. 

1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when
he made a 15 minute suborbital flight. 

1984 The Itaipu Dam opened on the Paraná River between
Brazil and Paraguay. 

1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 4

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal alien from Dominican Republic escaped after
sentencing for murder, then killed one deputy and 
injured another one.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 4 in
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world 
between Spain and Portugal. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Annie: Living in Washington State, my husband and I often take car trips to Canada to visit his family. Once when we stopped at the border, the guard asked my husband the value of any goods we would be leaving in Canada. My husband paused to think of the value of the gifts we had with us. "Never mind," the guard said, "What's the most expensive thing in your car?" Without hesitation, my husband replied, "My wife." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had prepared, the husband asked, "What did you marinate this in?" The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him. She must have seen the confused look on her husbands face, because she inquired, "What did you ask me?" When he told her what he'd asked, the wife laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the husband called out, "Hey, hon, WOULD you marry me again?" Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wesley Correa-Carmenaty, 22, Council Bluffs, Iowa Illegal alien from Dominican Republic escaped after sentencing for murder, then killed one deputy and injured another one. The Pottawattamie County deputy killed by an escaped convict has been identified as Mark Burbridge. Deputy Burbridge is a 12-year veteran of the Pottawattamie County Sheriff's Office. Deputy Pat Morgan, a 10 year veteran, was also shot. He is now in stable condition at an Omaha hospital. The deputies were transporting two prisoners from the courthouse and arrived at the jail when the incident occurred. Wesley Correa Carmenaty, 22, assaulted both deputies. Correa Carmenaty was able to take one of the deputies' firearms and shot both deputies. Correa Carmenaty then fled the sally port in the jail van. He crashed through west door of the jail, and left with the van. Phyllis Malm was at the jail visiting her brother and heard the gunshots. “Before the gunshots, you heard a bunch of commotion. Then you heard somebody saying 'he’s got a gun, he’s got a gun and then you heard four shots go off,'” Malm said. “Here comes this van barreling out from the other side, the exit of the garage." At the intersection of 16th and Big Lake Road, Correa Carmenaty stopped the van and attempted to carjack an S10 pickup. The driver, Jerry Brittan, 30, was shot once. His injuries are not life-threatening. Correa Carmenaty carjacked Amy Kanger, 31, near 2500 Ave. of Avenue I. Officials said he forced her back into the Nissan. Kanger was dropped off at 5825 N. 30th at RL Liquor in Omaha. A pursuit ensued involving NSP, DCSO, OPD Traffic, Marshals, Gang Unit, CBPD and Pottawattamie County deputies. The pursuit came to an end when Correa Carmenaty reportedly crashed near I-480 and Cuming Street. He was taken into custody without incident. Correa Carmenaty and two others were charged in the slaying of Anthony Walker during a botched robbery in March 2016. Correa Carmenaty was sentenced Monday after pleading guilty to voluntary manslaughter, attempted murder and two counts of robbery. County Attorney Matt Wilber said Correa Carmenaty was sentenced 45 years in prison with mandatory of 29.5 before parole eligibility. He had his sentencing at 10 a.m. Monday morning. Wilber said Correa Carmenaty wasn’t remorseful during his sentencing. He spoke through an interpreter. Wilber said during sentencing, Correa Carmenaty said that Walker died because he shouldn’t have gotten involved. Correa Carmenaty is facing additional charges of 1st degree murder, attempted murder and kidnapping. Additional charges are pending. He will get free room and board for a long time. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John E Re: Pints Dear Webby Looki about British measurment's! I have what I believe is an antique pewter tankard, no lid. In Britian it's called a tavern pot. Hallmarked and X'ed for fine pewter. Queen Vic. mark yada yada yada. The problem arises in that it is stamped to a line stating "Imperial pint" that line actually measures an american standard pint. My Bro. outlaw laughs and states that an Imperial pint is greater than ours. What do you in your bearded wisdom think? John E From south of only one boarder. Dear John The US pint is indeed the same as the old Imperial pint and is 0.83, about 4/5th of a modern UK pint. When it comes to measurement units, Americans are loyal subjects of the (royal) British Empire, not of the (democratic) UK. That is why you use the Imperial pint and not the UK pint. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Annie He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. My biscuits were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew. I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him... Like his mother used to do.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Store Extra Measuring Cups with Ingredients Because I bake things often, I have purchased several sets of extra measuring cups and spoons I have found on sale days, I put the usual measure into the container for items like flours, sugars, leavening agents, oatmeal, etc., and leave them there. Saves time and washing, and extra mess because I can keep the bowls over the container while measuring. By Joy Just like you have done with coffee, oatmeal, detergent, etc. all your life. Have FUN! DearWebby
more brawn than brains
____________________________________________________ >From Liz Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., Prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said. "Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco." ___________________________________________________
What a lot of imagination and work goes into these beautiful Chinese gardens.
A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He replied, "I got the shingles....." She interrupted him and said, "Fill out this form and supply your name, address, medical insurance number. When you're done, please take a seat." Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "I got the shingles...." She too interrupted him and took down his height, weight, and complete medical history, then said, "Change into this gown and wait in the examining room." A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "I got the shingles..." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and various other tests. Since she was quite cute, he didn't object at all. Then she told him to wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "I got the shingles...." The doctor gave him a full-cavity examination, and then said, "I just checked you out thoroughly, and I can't find shingles anywhere. " The man replied, "They're outside in the $20/quarter hour delivery truck. Where do you want me to dump them?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 4
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians
at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses. 

1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between
Spain and Portugal. 

1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan
Island. Native Americans later sold the island (20,000
acres) for $24 in cloth and buttons. 

1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding

1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two
months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.

1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the
island of Elba in the Mediterranean. 

1863 The Battle of Chancellorsville ended when the Union
Army retreated. 

1886 A bomb exploded on the fourth day of a workers'
strike in Chicago, IL. Eight people died in the violence
during violence that day. 

1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the
gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph. 

1904 The U.S. formally took control of the property for
construction of the Panama Canal. 

1905 Belmont Park opened in suburban Long Island. It
opened as the largest race track in the world. 

1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a
demand from U.S. President Wilson. 

1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and
Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other. 

1942 The United States began food rationing. 

1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students
during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State
University. Four students were killed and nine others were

1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman prime

1981 The Federal Reserve Board raised its discount rate to

1987 Live models were used for the first time in Playtex
bra ads. 

1994 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and PLO leader
Yasser Arafat signed a historic accord on Palestinian
autonomy that granted self-rule in the Gaza Strip and

2000 The citizens of London elected their mayor for the
first time. 

2003 Idaho Gem was born. He was the first member of the
horse family to be cloned. 

2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold
for $106.5 million. 

2012 In Las Vegas, NV, Google received the first self-
driving vehicle testing license. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 3

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC robber threw stolen gun in trash when chased by cops,
while they watched
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 3 in
1921 West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought. --- John Kenneth Galbraith ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My neighbor's mother-in-law is on AOL. I asked her "Why?" She said that all of her friends are there. So I asked her how much time she spends there. "Oh, about 8 hours a day." "What do you do there for all that time?", I asked. "Mostly just bitch and bellyache about AOL." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Sam and Greg were out deer hunting. Sam was pretty new to this whole deer hunting thing, so Greg had told him all about a clean kill, and field dressing, etc. Well, after an afternoon up in the stand, Sam heard some noise in the woods, he got buck fever and fired. He went over to where he thought his deer should be, and realized he had shot his good friend Greg. Sam rushed him to the hospital. After what seemed like a very long time, the doctor came out shaking his head. He told Sam, "The gunshot wound wasn't too bad, and we could have saved him, if you had not gutted and cleaned him." ______________________________________________________ Warm Water at -40 ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brian Edwards, 19, Spartanburg, South Carolina SC robber threw stolen gun in trash when chased by cops Spartanburg police arrested a man Friday night outside of Spring Fling after they say officers watched him throw a gun away in a trash can. After police caught the man, they realized the gun was stolen and that the suspect had outstanding warrants. Brian Edwards, 19, of Spartanburg was arrested on charges of armed robbery, unlawful possession of a weapon, and pointing and presenting a firearm. Officers noticed Edwards walking with a firearm near the library on South Church Street. Officers went to approach Edwards when he ran, to which they say he threw a firearm into a trash can at the corner of Broad and S Church St. Other officers apprehended Edwards while they examined the firearm which came back as stolen. The gun was a 9- millimeter Glock with a fully extended clip with one round in the chamber, according to the report. The weapon was stolen from an armed robbery in March, according to Spartanburg County deputies. A man called deputies on March 26th at a Waffle House on Chesnee Highway, to report being robbed at gunpoint. The victim told deputies that two men robbed him of his Iphone and gun. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Scandisk vs Diskkeeper Dear Webby I have simple question...Are Diskkeeper and scan disk the same thing?and how often do you recommend to run it?tyvm for all of your insite and help.its gr8ly appreciated and which one to use? Richi Dear Richi, Scandisk is an old DOS program. Most likely it won`t work on your computer unless you have Windows 98 or older. Diskeeper is a program you can buy, however, if you have any external USB connected drives, don`t bother. It won`t work on those. You will need something from THIS Millennium. Glary Utilities has a free Defragger included. Don`t try the rest of their utilities without first making a complete backup, but their defragger is excellent! Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this one: Father Murphy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions." "Scuse me, Father," hollered O'Reilly from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Container Gardening on a Deck By Kenneth Schwab [10 Posts] I am getting older and working on my knees to garden is getting harder for me so I studied up on container gardening and added these colorful items to my deck. When the plants flower and ripen, it will add much more color. By Kenneth S. from Copperas Cove, TX You can use extra buckets 3/4 filled with dirt as pedestals for the actual flower or veggie buckets. That raises them to a more comfortable height and is still nice and stable. Don't put them on top of upside down empty buckets or the first good wind might knock them over. Have FUN! DearWebby
Part ballet, part art
____________________________________________________ A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that." ___________________________________________________
Perfectly timed pictures.
Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Can you afford my fees? $5000 down and 39% of the take, ahem awards? Wife: Yes. Lawyer: Then you have grounds.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 3
1568 French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of

1859 France declared war on Austria. 

1888 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works. 

1916 Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were
executed by the British for their roles in the Easter

1921 West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax. 

1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua and stayed until

1926 In Britain, trade unions began a general strike. 

1927 Francis E.J. Wilde of Meadowmere Park, NY, patented
the electric sign flasher. 

1944 Wartime rationing of most grades of meats ended in
the U.S. 

1944 Dr. Robert Woodward and Dr. William Doering produced
the first synthetic quinine at Harvard University. 

1945 Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from the

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants
prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other
minorities were legally unenforceable. 

1952 The first airplane landed at the geographic North

1968 After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook
Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North
Vietnamese had evacuated the area. 

1971 Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations
in Washington, DC. 

1971 National Public Radio broadcast for the first time. 

1986 In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned
Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after
liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control. 

1988 The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy
Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule her
husband's activities. 

1992 Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los
Angeles, CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after
the acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney

1997 The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities
ending an armed standoff where two people were held
hostage. The group asserts the independence of Texas from
the U.S. 

1999 Mark Manes, at age 22, was arrested for supplying a
gun to Eric Harris and Dylan Kleibold, who later killed 13
people at Columbine High School in Colorado. 

2006 In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias
Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his
role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on September 11,

2017  smiled.

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Caution with Glary Utilities! 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 2

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC Woman passed out behind wheel with kid in car.
Had meth, neddles, but no license and no insurance.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 2 in
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's King
Charles II. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1.5 tons. unknown, Popular Mechanics, March 1949 ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The little girl is just chattering on to the dozen or so other people on the elevator about what a GREAT time she had on the Disney Cruise ship. There was this to do and there was that to do. Everyone is smiling at her. Mom kind of shrugs and says, "We went on the cruise a year ago and she's *still* talking about it." The little girl said, "Even mom and dad had a great time on the ship!" To the utter embarrassment of mom, the little girl nods her head to the baby and says, "Mom calls the baby, 'Our little Souvenir' " ______________________________________________________ The Superbloom is happening now further North in the Central Valley area. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandi Deann Brigman, 31, Chesnee, South Carolina SC Woman passed out behind wheel with kid in car. Had meth, neddles, but no license and no insurance. A mom with meth is accused of passing out behind the wheel of a car with a small child in the backseat, according to Spartanburg County sheriff’s deputies. They say it happened Sunday on Highway 357 in Lyman. Deputies say a man on the scene told them he tried to wake up the woman, but she was unresponsive. The woman was slumped over the wheel and the car was still running, while a small child was unbuckled in the backseat, according to an incident report. The deputy says there was no way to buckle the child in with all the clutter in the car. The deputy says they were able to wake the woman up. She was identified as Brandi Deann Brigman, 31, of Chesnee. Brigman told the deputy she drove to the store to buy an alcoholic drink to help with a UTI she thought she had. Meth was found in Brigman’s jacket pocket, according to the deputy. Brigman failed a field sobriety test and was arrested for DUI, according to the report. Brigman was read her Miranda rights and reportedly told the deputy she had a bag in her car that had needles and a pipe in it. The deputy found 7 needles with meth inside, a pipe and a spoon with white residue, according to the report. Brigman told the deputy she was going to register her vehicle and get insurance when she could. The report says Brigman was under suspension with a prior driving under suspension charge within five years. Brigman is charged with: DUI 1st offense Child endangerment DUS 2nd offense Uninsured vehicle fee violation 1st Offense Looks like they forgot about the meth and accessories. Or maybe the paper had only room for 4 Offenses. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Caution with Glary Utilities Dear Webby STOP! Don`t use the registry fixer and other utilities in Glary Utilities. They are crap and tend to cause problems. The defragmenter works great, just don`t mess with the other stuff without doing a total back-up! Moe Dear Moe, Right, and never try two fixes at the same time. Do one, and see what works or doesnt. `Have FUN! DearWebby
After preaching, we were invited out for lunch. I casually mentioned to the lady that I was allergic to cats. "That's okay Pastor," the woman said. "I can cook something else."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Building a Stackable Potato Tower By lalala... [825 Posts, 106 Comments] Save gardening space potatoes and grow tons of potatoes by building this stackable potato planter. This page gives you step by step instructions to make a stackable potato planter. Growing potatoes is easy with this stackable planter. As the plants grow, simply add another frame and more soil. Supplies: 8 2x6 boards (10 ft) 2 2x2 boards (8 ft) screws outdoor latex paint paint brushes power screw driver saw tape measure Steps in building the Potato tower I did something similar in the Yukon. I got a bunch of same size car tires from the dump, stacked them, hammered in two pieces of concrete rebar for guides just inside the tires, and then tossed dirt and potato pieces into it. The tires absorbed more heat, and in spring I used a plexiglass lid for a greenhouse roof. Potato harvest was adequate considering the low effort put into it. I learned a much more effective and productive method later. Raised bed for fashionable ease on ones aching back, filled with compost, containing a fair bit of fish heads and tails, and forest dirt. Then I tossed potato pieces onto the dirt, and covered it with an old bed sheet. Then I bent some concrete rebar into tunnel hoops, sleeved them with old garden hose, and covered the tunnel with plastic. After a couple of weeks the bedsheet raised up in spots, where potato plants were growing underneath. So I duck-taped a sharp fish knife onto a rake, reached into the tunnel and stabbed the sheet where plants were raising it. After that they grew fast! Naturally I watered them whenever they looked wilted. From mid summer on I could reach in under the sheet and harvest a meal`s worth of clean potatoes. Those cheater harvests did not slow them down at all. Naturally, you don`t really need a high-bed, if your back is good and you like bending down. The potatoes dont care. Potatoes grow OK in northern climates, but much better with a bit more heat and water. Putting a plastic tunnel over them at least doubles the crop. Have FUN! DearWebby
Will Smith - Face Your Fears
____________________________________________________ Little Johnny went with his mom and dad to his grandmother's house for dinner. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house. She KNOWS how to cook!" ___________________________________________________
People are awesome! Best of the month.
Anni was puzzled by the odd messages left on her answering machine. Day after day, friends and family would talk and then say, "Beep." She discovered the reason for the joke when she decided to listen to her greeting. "Hi," it said. "I'm not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 2
1670 The Hudson Bay Company was founded by England's King
Charles II. 

1776 France and Spain agreed to donate arms to American
rebels fighting the British. 

1797 A mutiny in the British navy spread from Spithead to
the rest of the fleet. 

1798 The black General Toussaint L’ouverture forced British
troops to agree to evacuate the port of Santo Domingo. 

1808 The citizens of Madrid rose up against Napoleon. 

1813 Napoleon defeated a Russian and Prussian army at

1853 Franconi’s Hippodrome opened at Broadway and 23rd
Street in New York City. 

1863 Confederate Gen. Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson was wounded
by his own men in the battle of Chancellorsville, VA. He
died 8 days later. 

1865 U.S. President Andrew Johnson offered $100,000 reward
for the capture of Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 

1885 The Congo Free State was established by King Leopold II
of Belgium. 

1885 The magazine "Good Housekeeping" was first published. 

1887 Hannibal W. Goodwin applied for a patent on celluloid
photographic film. This is the film from which movies are

1890 The Oklahoma Territory was organized. 

1902 "A Trip to the Moon," the first science fiction film
was released. It was created by magician George Melies. 

1922 WBAP-AM began broadcasting in north Texas. 

1926 In India, Hindu women gained the right to seek elected

1926 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to put down a revolt
and to protect U.S. interests. They did not depart until

1933 Hitler banned trade unions in Germany. 

1941 Hostilities broke out between British forces in Iraq
and that country’s pro-German faction. 

1941 The Federal Communications Commission agreed to let
regular scheduling of TV broadcasts by commercial TV
stations begin on July 1, 1941. This was the start of
network television. 

1945 Russians took Berlin after 12 days of fierce house-to-
house fighting. The Allies announced the surrender of Nazi
troops in Italy and parts of Austria. 

1946 Prisoners revolted at California's Alcatraz prison. 

1960 Caryl Chessman was executed. He was a convicted sex
offender and had become a best selling author while on death

1965 The "Early Bird" satellite was used to transmit
television pictures across the Atlantic. 

1969 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) made its maiden

1970 Student anti-war protesters at Ohio's Kent State
University burn down the campus ROTC building. The National
Guard took control of the campus. 

1982 The British submarine HMS Conqueror sank Argentina's
only cruiser, the General Belgrano during the Falkland
Islands War. More than 350 people died. 

1994 Nelson Mandela claimed victory after South Africa's
first democratic elections. 

1999 In Panama, Mireya Moscoso de Grubar, of the Armulfista
Party, was elected president. 

2017  smiled.

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Excellent defragger 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 1

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC woman arrested at 10 am for drunk driving, 
urinated on police station floor after arrest.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, May 1 in
1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to 
fund an expedition to the West Indies. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. --- Bill Vaughan Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Mina When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Then I realized how convenient it was to get him to the breakfast table. Before, I used to stand at the bottom of the staircase and scream his name. Now all I had to do was flick the basement light off and on, and he was here. One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. I did it several more times. "I'm on my way," my son called up. "You didn't have to yell." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Some Ads! Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Revonda Randolph Henderson, 67, Chesnee, South Carolina SC woman arrested at 10 am for drunk driving, urinated on police station floor after arrest. A Chesnee woman accused of DUI, pulled down her pants in peed in the testing room, according to a report from the Spartanburg Co. Sheriff’s Office. Spartanburg Co. deputies say they stopped Revonda Henderson for driving erratically on 4/19 around 10:00 am/m The deputy said he smelled an odor of alcohol coming from Henderson. She told the deputy she had drunk 2 malt liquors and they were still in the vehicle. The deputy said she had trouble walking and keeping her balance. He said she had to reach out and grab his arm to keep her balance. She failed the field sobriety test and was arrested for DUI, according to the report. When she was placed in the patrol car she started to curse the deputies and threatened to punch the deputies. The report says they got her to the jail and she refused to provide a breath sample. She then pulled down her pants and urinated on the floor of the testing room, according to the report. She is charged with DUI 1st Offense and Open Container in Vehicle, according to the detention center. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Defragmenters Dear Webby This is my favorite now. Seems to list all the drives i have connected. And it does file placement if user wants a slow weekly or night defrag. Puts all the unused stuff out by the slower access tracks. And the high use stuff on outer tracks where more data sits on a track. Less seek time? Not mean much nowadays probably. But it leaves the center for working storage space. Can see when defragging done that the unused stuff not have many frag bits. So runs faster. Moe Dear Moe, and FranticFran I downloaded and tried the free version of the Glary Utilities. First I used the included start-up manger. It showed me all kinds of obsolete and useless stuff, for example all the reporting to Microsoft about what I do. Total waste. They are not interested in what we DO, otherwise they would not have foisted the W10 user interface on us. So I unchecked all of the stuff that is not doing anything useful FOR ME. Then I went to the disk speed up part. Analyze took a while, but not as long as some other programs did. Then I hit defrag and let it do it's thing. There is no point watching it do it's Tetris style shuffling of colored blocks, so I did other work. While it was doing the defrag some activities were slower. That is normal and expected. I was pleasantly surprised how little it interfered with work. After a surprisingly short time everything speeded up and when I looked, the Tetris game was finished and all drives were defragged. Nice job, Glary! There are still more goodies in the free version, that I have not tried yet. And some day I will probably try the PRO version. For now I can definitely recommend the Glary Utilities. Thanks Moe for telling me about it. A word of caution: In case you get drastic with eliminating all kinds of stuff from the hidden start-up schedule, stuff that LOOKS useless, do a back-up before you get too rambunctious! Some useless looking stuff might be needed by some program. Glary doesn't really delete them, just unchecks them from the start-up schedule. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Barry for this picture: One quick shake of the head, and dog will get yelled at for an hour.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Tough Meat Marinade Instead of buying that expensive cut of meat, try this marinade with a less expensive cut. Ingredients: 1/2 cup vinegar 1 cup beef bouillon Directions: Put in NON-METAL pan or dish overnight to marinade. By Roberta
Victor Borge - Franz Liszt - Hungarian Rhapsody #2
____________________________________________________ Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old Doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ___________________________________________________
16 of the oldest household objects in the world.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared a batch of bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on May 1
0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of

1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because he
refused his share of the Habsburg lands. 

1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund
an expedition to the West Indies. 

1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great

1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed
slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or

1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began.
General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union
troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General
Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers
in this battle. (May 1-4) 

1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter

1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes withdrew all Federal
troops from the South, ending Reconstruction. 

1883 William F. Cody (Buffalo Bill) had his first Wild West

1884 The construction of the first American 10-story
building began in Chicago, IL. 

1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The
Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug
business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious.
Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did not
actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost of

1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet at
Manila Bay in the Philippines. 

1905 In New York, radium was tested as a cure for cancer. 

1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 

1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 

1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated and
opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest building
in the world at the time. 

1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal for

1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of
neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 

1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, made
its first flight. 

1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler,
escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army advanced on

1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of the
Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler committed

1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea)
was proclaimed. 

1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts
encircled Earth. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over
the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 

1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more elections
in Cuba. 

1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua.

1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the
support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North
Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 

1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown
Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 

1971 The National Railroad Passenger Corp. (Amtrak) went
into service. It was established by the U.S. Congress to run
the nation's intercity railroads. 

1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit
passenger car exports to the United States over the next
three years. 

1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear
power plant accident. 

1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his Ford
Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a speed of
212.229 mph. 

1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting
from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in public
to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 

1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts
that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 

1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers
discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in
June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to
reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery it
was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually reached the

2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her
remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002.
California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the
case due to his relationship with Levy. 

2011 It was announced that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama
bin Laden in Pakistan.

2017  smiled.

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Does Diskeeper still work? No. 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 30

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Three charged after Freeport home invasion
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 29 in
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. --- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965) Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. --- Kurt Herbert Alder ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tony went to the doctor and told him that he couldn't hear himself fart. So the doctor gave Tony some pills. Tony asked him, "Will these make me hear better?" Doc replied, "No, but they will make you fart louder." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Bill Jr I think my Grandson best summed up my feelings about abstract art. We were looking at a painting with a wild mish-mash of colors and he asked, "What's that?" I said, "It's supposed to be a cowboy on his horse." "Well," he continued, "Why isn't it? If he's not good enough that you can reckonize it wifout reading the label, then he should practise at home and not hang it up here!" ______________________________________________________ From my dad. He is getting crowded out of his breakfast nook. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Muhammad Abdul-Haq, 18, Harun Abdul-Haq, 19, Zaakir Abdul-Haq, 23, Freeport, Illinois Three charged after Freeport home invasion Three men arrested on several charges stemming from a Sunday morning home invasion, Freeport Deputy Chief Matt Summers said. Harun Abdul-Haq, 19, of the 900 block of East Shawnee Street, and Muhammad Abdul-Haq, 18, of the 1300 block of West Elm Street, were charged with armed robbery, aggravated battery, residential burglary, conspiracy to commit a home invasion and theft under $500. Their bonds were set at $100,000 each. Summers said the two, who police believe to be brothers, knocked at the door of a home in the 1200 block of South Blackhawk Avenue around 3:45 a.m. They used an undescribed ruse before a resident to let them inside and then they threatened to shoot the victim. They stole about $50 and a cell phone. Summers said the resident told police he knew one of the men was related to a particular family. During the course of their investigation, police also arrested Zaakir Abdul-Haq, 23, of the 1400 block of West Beach Street on a charge of aggravated unlawful use of a weapon and two alleged firearm owner’s identification card violations. His bond was set at $40,000. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: FranticFran Re: Diskeeper Dear Webby You used to promote Diskeeper as the best defrag program. But I have not seen your links to it for some time. Did they not keep up with the times? FranticFran Dear FranticFran That is exactly what happened. First they had issues with high resolution monitors, then when they got that almost fixed by using a huge, klutzy font, then they fell down on USB connected external drives. If you have USB connected external drives, then Diskeeper is a total waste of installation time. Nowadays, when almost everybody has a big external drive attached, you simply need a better program than Diskeeper. There are many available, and experts fight lengthy religious battles about which one is better. I will ask Moe for his recommendation. He does comparison tests of defrag programs. Look for his report right here later in the week. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Paulie According to a CBS poll, women are much better liars than men. At least that's what THEY say . . . so, how will we ever know?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making Soda Can Plant Labels By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] One of my favorite garden crafts is making homemade plant labels from aluminum cans and wire clothes hangers. Not only are they inexpensive and durable, but these labels are actually attractive and fun to make. They are designed to dangle freely on their supports, so when the wind blows their movement makes a gentle clinking noise, turning your tiny reflective plant labels into a collective army of rabbit repellents. Materials: assorted aluminum soda/beer cans wire clothes hangers gloves (to protect hands when cutting cans) old steak knife scissors needle-nose pliers paper punch ball-point pen embellishment tools used (from Michaels craft store): scrapbooking scissors (Fiskars) 3 in 1 corner punch (Fiskars) flower-shaped decorative brads (Provo Craft) Directions: Put on your gloves. Use the tip of your scissors to punch a small hole on the side of each end of the can. If your scissors isn't sharp enough, use a steak knife or screwdriver to get the hole started. Using your scissors, cut off the top and bottom of the can and discard the ends in your recycling bin. If you need to, trim off any excess sharp edges from the remaining piece of aluminum and finesse it a bit until it lays pretty flat. Cut individual labels from the remaining piece of aluminum according to the desired size. The shape and style of your labels is highly personal. Cut them into circles, triangles, rectangles, even flowers. To add some decorative flair, use fancy corner punches or try trimming the edges with scrapbooking scissors. I add color-coded brads to my labels (I found some in the shape of flowers). This helps me organize my plantings and remember what color flower is coming up where. You're only limited by your imagination so have fun with it! Just don't forget to leave room to punch a hole for hanging and space to write down the name of the plant. To write names of plants on your labels, lay them on top of a notebook or thick stack of newspaper and press down hard with a ball point pen. Make sure to press hard enough so that when the ink wears off, the name stays imprinted in the metal. Create a hole for hanging using a paper punch (or a hammer and nail). Finally, use a wire cutter or tin snips to cut 7-8 inch long support pieces from wire coat hangers. Make an "S" hook at one end using a needle-nose pliers, hang the label on the hook, and pinch the "S" shut to keep it from falling off. Voila! You've got durable, inexpensive plant labels!
guilty dogs
____________________________________________________ Little had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing 's sweet tooth the mother looked straight into 's eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake!" "No," replied , "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking." ___________________________________________________
She's super talented.....but this is just weird.
A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. "Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the kids into their coats, and I'll go honk the horn."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 30
0030 Jesus of Nazareth was crucified. 

0313 Licinius unified the whole of the eastern Roman empire
under his own rule. 

1250 King Louis IX of France was ransomed for one million

1527 Henry VIII and King Francis of France signed the treaty
of Westminster. 

1725 Spain withdrew from Quadruple Alliance. 

1789 George Washington took office as first elected U.S.

1803 The U.S. purchased the Louisiana Territory from France
for $15 million. 

1812 Louisiana admitted as the 18th U.S. state. 

1849 The republican patriot and guerrilla leader Giuseppe
Garabaldi repulsed a French attack on Rome. 

1864 Work began on the Dams along the Red River. The work
would allow Union General Nathaniel Banks' troops to sail
over the rapids above Alexandria, Louisiana. 

1900 Casey Jones was killed while trying to save the runaway
train "Cannonball Express." 

1930 The Soviet Union proposed a military alliance with
France and Great Britain. 

1938 Happy Rabbit appeared in the cartoon "Porky's Hare
Hunt." This rabbit would later evolve into Bugs Bunny. 

1939 The first railroad car equipped with fluorescent lights
was put into service. The train car was known as the
"General Pershing Zephyr." 

1943 The British submarine HMS Seraph dropped 'the man who
never was,' a dead man the British planted with false
invasion plans, into the Mediterranean off the coast of

1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun committed suicide. They had
been married for one day. One week later Germany surrendered

1947 The name of Boulder Dam, in Nevada, was changed back to
Hoover Dam. 

1948 The Organization of American States (OAS) held its
first meeting in Bogota, Colombia. The institution's goal
was to facilitate better relations between the member
nations and to help prevent the spread of communism in the
Western Hemisphere. 

1952 Mr. Potato Head became the first toy to be advertised
on network television. 

1953 The British West Indian colonies agreed on the
formation of the British Caribbean Federation that would
eventually become a self-governing unit in the British

1964 The FCC ruled that all TV receivers should be equipped
to receive both VHF and UHF channels. 

1968 U.S. Marines attacked a division of North Vietnamese in
the village of Dai Do. 

1970 U.S. troops invaded Cambodia to disrupt North
Vietnamese Army base areas. The announcement by U.S.
President Nixon led to widespread protests. 

1972 The North Vietnamese launched an invasion of the South.

1975 Communist North Vietnamese troops entered the
Independence Palace of South Vietnam in Saigon. 11 Marines
lifted off of the U.S. Embassy were the last soldiers to

1980 Terrorists seized the Iranian Embassy in London. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan signed cultural and scientific
agreements with China. He also signed a tax accord that
would make it easier for American companies to operate in

1991 An estimated 125,000 people were killed in a cyclone
that hit Bangladesh. 

1993 CERN put the World Wide Web software in the public

1993 Monica Seles was stabbed in the back during a tennis
match in Hamburg, Germany. The man called himself a fan of
second-ranked Steffi Graf. He was convicted of causing
grievous bodily harm and received a suspended sentence. 

1998 NATO was expanded to include Poland, Hungary and the
Czech Republic. The three nations were formally admitted the
following April at NATO's 50th anniversary summit. 

1998 United and Delta airlines announced their alliance that
would give them control of 1/3 of all U.S. passenger seats. 

1998 In the U.S., Federal regulators fined a contractor
$2.25 million for improper handling of oxygen canisters on
ValuJet that crashed in the Florida Everglades in 1996. 

2002 Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf was overwhelmingly
approved for another five years as president.

2012 One World Trade Center became the tallest structure in
New York when it surpassed the height of the Empire State

2015 NASA's Messenger spacecraft crashed into the surface of
Mercury. The space probe sent back more than 270,000
pictures to earth.

2017  smiled.

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Minimum distance for close-ups 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 29

Pretty snow this morning again.
Here is a pictuer of my Saskatoon berry bushes, not white
with flowers like during the warm period, but white with

Click through for large size.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teacher, 28, and husband face jail after she had 
sex with student after her hubby plied teen with 
booze and watched them having sex.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 29 in
1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los
Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54
people were killed in 3 days. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. --- Larry Gelbart It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Myrna I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" So she walked over and stood on his foot. He tried to step back and promptly fell over. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Diana for this story: At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker." "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver." SILENCE.................... "Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this one: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jessica Storer, 28, Derrick Storer, 33 Pandora-Gilboa, ohio Teacher, 28, and husband face jail after she had sex with student after her hubby plied teen with booze and watched them having sex. Jessica Storer, 28, bedded one of her pupils after hubby Derrick, 33, plied him with alcohol, a court heart. The romp occurred the morning after the pair invited the 18- year-old and other youngsters to their house. "Mrs. Storer engaged in sexual intercourse with the student while he was still under the influence of alcohol." prosecutor Lilly Shun said. Storer told the hearing the lad was not drunk. But Ms Shun said he had admitted being under the influence. Judge Randall Basinger asked Storer what happened. "I was engaged in sexual conduct with an 18-year-old student," she said. The blonde mum met him while a substitute teacher at Pandora-Gilboa High School, Ohio, USA. She could be jailed for up to five years after pleading guilty to sexual battery last November. Six counts of giving alcohol to a minor were dismissed in a plea deal at Putnam County Court. But she will have to register as a sex offender for life. She will be sentenced after the judge gets a background report on her. Her husband admitted three charges of giving booze to a minor and faces up to six months on each count when sentenced on May 16. Police Chief Scott Stant arrested Storer last December 21 after a tip off. The student told him he was at the teacher’s Pandora home on the evening of November 25 and spent the night there after drinking alcohol. He had intercourse with her the next morning – and she admitted it when quizzed by Stant on December 13, said court records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: John Re: Close-ups limits Dear Webby Regarding your explanation of fuzzy close-ups...Also note... every lens has a minimum focal distance. If you are closer than that minimum (usually the center of the frame) it will be blurry. Regards, John Dear John Right. Nowadays that minimum limit is 8 to 12 inches. It is always better to give it some extra distance, at maximum resolution, and crop the picture later, on the computer. Providing some extra light also helps a lot. Avoid dead-on flash, so that you dont get a flat looing picture and deer-in-the-headlights stare. Have you ever seen clip-art depicting photographers in the 1800s and early 1900's, holding up a flash pan. Here is one: Hold the flash, a slave flash preferably, up and to the side like that photogrpher does, to get perfect contrast. Slave Flash units are cheap. I have seen them for $12. For indoor or group photography in low light conditions a slave flash is an excellent tool. In the old days, before electricity, they produced the flash by igniting a mixture of gun powder and magnesium in a metal dust-pan. The biggest magnesium flash ever set off was for taking a picture in a stadium. It was rather smoky in there after that! Check Amazon for a battery powered slave flash suitable for your camera. It won't smoke, but make a huge difference with group or close up pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
And the world's Number One Thinnest Book MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson That caused somebody named Jessie and two other people to unsubscribe, and somebody named Hilary gave gift subscriptions to seventeen people.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Reusing Refrigerator Baking Soda By Bella Blue [47 Posts, 5 Comments] No need to throw away that box of baking soda from your refrigerator when it is time to replace it. While it is not good for cooking, there are a lot of ways to use it up. I also use the baking soda in my bathwater. It's known to really pull out toxins in your body when paired with Epsom salts and a few drops of lavender essential oil. I use 1/2 to 1 cup of both Epsom salt and baking soda. If you don't believe me try it yourself. The color of the bath water shows you just how much it pulls out of you, it's relaxing too! It also helps clean off residue left by other cleaners and soaps. A tablespoon or two tossed right in the clothes washer can help with extra smelly laundry. Especially men's gym socks and pet beds, it really gets the smell out and whitens whites, but doesn't hurt darks. It can also be used to de-funk a washing machine or dishwasher. A couple tablespoons is all you need for that. I have used it to help remove bird poop from perches and cages. It is safe to use around them, which isn't true of most cleaners. Baking soda also works great for cleaning walls and grout as well. So now once the baking soda is done keeping my refrigerator smelling fresh I use it for cleaning, bathing, and I even use some sprinkled in the garbage cans to absorb smells too.
____________________________________________________ >From Arvid Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So, I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left the house, I overheard my daughter saying, "There goes dad again, making fountains out of mole hills." ___________________________________________________
She's super talented.....but this is just weird.
The butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one. We have some guests coming over." "OK" says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one's too skinny. What else have you got?" the man asks. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes, then brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 29
1289 Qala'un, the Sultan of Egypt, captured Tripoli. 

1429 Joan of Arc led Orleans, France, to victory over

1661 The Chinese Ming dynasty occupied Taiwan. 

1672 King Louis XIV of France invaded the Netherlands. 

1813 Rubber was patented by J.F. Hummel. 

1852 The first edition of Peter Roget's Thesaurus was

1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. 

1858 Austrian troops invaded Piedmont. 

1862 New Orleans fell to Union forces during the Civil War. 

1879 In Cleveland, OH, electric arc lights were used for the
first time. 

1913 Gideon Sundback patented an all-purpose zipper. 

1916 Irish nationalists surrendered to British authorities
in Dublin. 

1918 Germany's Western Front offensive ended in World War I.

1924 An open revolt broke out in Santa Clara, Cuba. 

1927 Construction of the Spirit of St. Louis was completed
for Lindbergh. 

1945 The German Army in Italy surrendered unconditionally to
the Allies. 

1945 In a bunker in Berlin, Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun were
married. Hitler designated Admiral Karl Doenitz his

1945 The Nazi death camp, Dachau, was liberated. 

1946 Twenty-eight former Japanese leaders were indicted in
Tokyo as war criminals. 

1952 IBM President Thomas J. Watson, Jr., informed his
company's stockholders that IBM was building "the most
advanced, most flexible high-speed computer in the world."
The computer was unveiled April 7, 1953, as the IBM 701
Electronic Data Processing Machine. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon announced he was releasing edited
transcripts of secretly made White House tape recordings
related to the Watergate scandal. 

1975 The U.S. embassy in Vietnam was evacuated as North
Vietnamese forces fought their way into Saigon. 

1984 In California, the Diablo Canyon nuclear reactor went
online after a long delay due to protests. 

1990 The destruction of the Berlin Wall began. 

1992 Exxon executive Sidney Reso was kidnapped outside his
Morris Township, NJ, home by Arthur Seale. Seale was a
former Exxon security official. Reso died while in

1992 Rioting began after a jury decision to acquit four Los
Angeles policemen in the Rodney King beating trial. 54
people were killed in 3 days. 

1994 Israel and the PLO signed an agreement in Paris which
granted Palestinians broad authority to set taxes, control
trade and regulate banks under self-rule in the Gaza Strip
and Jericho. 

1997 Staff Sgt. Delmar Simpson, a drill instructor at
Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland, was convicted of raping
six female trainees. He was sentenced to 25 years in prison
and was dishonorably discharged. 

1997 Astronaut Jerry Linenger and cosmonaut Vasily Tsibliyev
went on the first U.S.-Russian space walk. 

1998 The U.S., Canada and Mexico end tariffs on $1 billion
in NAFTA trade. 

1998 Brazil announced a plan to protect a large area of
Amazon forest. The area was about the size of Colorado. 

2009 NATO expelled two Russian diplomats from NATO
headquarters in Brussels over a spy scandal in Estonia.
Russia's Foreign Ministry criticized the expulsions. 

2017  smiled.

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Partially Fuzzy Close-ups 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Right now it is snowing again. 
It will probably all melt by May.
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen admits to killing her grandparents and sealing 
up their room – then inviting friends over for a party
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 28 in
1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic" was published.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot (1819 - 1880) Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill for this story: came home from the bar one night quite inebreated and wanted to sneak in so his spouse wouldn't know. Unfortunately the mickey in 's back pocket broke as tried to sneak up the stairs and fell backwards. Some of the glass cut 's rear end. grabbed the box of bandaids and attempted to cover the cuts. The next morning 's spouse Remarked: "You were pretty drunk when you came home last night." How did you know ?" replied. Well she said "Your shoes were sitting on the porch and there was broken glass at the bottom of the stairs and a smelly booze stain on the carpet but the clincher was the 15 bandaids stuck on the hall mirror." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dave's collection of The World's Thinnest Books FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno and Nancy Pelosi MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Dan Marino THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman MY WILD YEARS by Al Gore AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS DETROIT: a Travel Guide A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson And the world's Number One Thinnest Book MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson ______________________________________________________ Ready for spring. Yes, it is snowing right now. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cassie Bjorge, 17, Johnny Rider, 18 Gwinnett County, Georgia Teen admits to killing her grandparents and sealing up their room – then inviting friends over for a party A Georgia teen who allegedly confessed to killing her grandparents with her boyfriend, sealing up their room and then hosting a party for unsuspecting friends, also planned to kill several other people WSB-TV reports. According to WSB-TV, Cassie Bjorge, 17, and her boyfriend, Johnny Rider, 18, planned the murders of her grandparents for days and thought out details such as caulking the doors shut in the house to keep the odor of death from being detected outside. Gwinnett County Police Detective Dave Brucz told WSB-TV the teens waited outside Bjorges grandparents home for the lights to go out, then snuck into the couple's bedrooms. "Johnny began to attack the grandfather, Cassie then said she had a surge of energy," Brucz said in court Wednesday. "She then dragged her grandmother into her grandfather's bedroom, she was duct taped." Investigators say the teens then beat the grandparents, Randall and Wendy Bjorge, before slicing their throats and leaving them for dead. According to the report, Cassie Bjorge confessed to staying in the home and smoking pot for a few days after the murders. She even invited friends over for a party — friends who had no idea what had happened. Police say Bjorge confessed that she went as far as pretending to be her grandmother via text message so family wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. "She admitted after the murder she was texting family members because they were worried about them, and she was pretending to be Wendy," Brucz told the courtroom. WSB-TV reports the teens are not only accused of killing, Bjorge's grandparents, but they are also of trying to kill Rider's sister and boyfriend. "She also said they were planning on killing Johnny's family and there were plans on killing her mother also," Brucz also told the courtroom. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Pat Re: Fuzzy close-ups Dear Webby When I take close-ups with my digital camera, the center always seems to be fuzzy. Distance shots are clear, so it's not a greasy fingerprint on the lens. It's a very small lens and recessed anyway. What could cause that? Thanks Pat Dear Pat Especially with small lenses the aperture has to open up wide if the lighting is low. That causes the area of sharpness to shrink to a thin layer. If you can add extra light, that will thicken the layer of sharpness. When you can't add light, go farther away. Use the highest resolution you got, and then later crop the picture to get your close-up. When you are really close, the layer that is in focus is maybe half an inch thick. That might be the tips of a flower, and the inner parts of a deep blossom might be fuzzy. From a few feet away, the layer of sharpness would be 5-6 inches and plenty to show the entire flower nice and sharp. Close-up lenses and microscopes are no help at all. They make that effect even worse. Using the flash often helps. The camera pre-calculates the effect of the flash and squints down the aperture. On a close-up most of the flash will shoot right by it and what light from it, that hits the object, will be at a good angle and improve contrast. If you plan to take a lot of close up pictures, select a camera with a large lens to capture as much light as possible, so that it will narrow down the aperture. Shoot the picture at the cameras highest resolution, and then crop it down to 1024 x 768, which is probably the largest size picture that you would use on a web page. Have FUN! DearWebby
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Water Saving Tip #4 When you are waiting for hot water to warm up put a watering can under the faucet. Once full use it for gardening. Place a bucket in your shower to catch water that is wasted while you wait for it to warm up. Tip provided by
____________________________________________________ I've noticed the oddest behavior in most women. The only time they won't look in a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space. ___________________________________________________
She's super talented.....but this is just weird.
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could manage our house over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 28
0357 Constantius II visited Rome for the first time. 

1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule
in Sicily. 

1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia
Mathamatic" was published. 

1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a
rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island.
The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift. 

1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval
disarmament on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain. 

1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan. 

1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic. 

1910 First night flight was performed by Claude Grahame-
White in England. 

1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air

1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland. 

1919 The League of Nations was founded. 

1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR. 

1923 The British Empire Exhibition Stadium (or Empire
Stadium) opened to the public. 

1930 The first organized night baseball game was played in
Independence, Kansas. 

1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced. 

1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed
on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created
by Douglas Leight. 

1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were
executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee the

1946 The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes. 

1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others
set out in a balsa wood raft known as Kon Tiki to prove that
Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The trip
began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing of
the Pacific Ocean. 

1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a
treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into

1953 French troops evacuated northern Laos. 

1962 In the Sahara Desert of Algeria, a team led by Red
Adair used explosives to put out the well fire known as the
Devil's Cigarette Lighter. The fire was caused by a pipe
rupture on November 6, 1961. 

1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican
Republic to evacuate Americans. 

1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and
was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds for
chickening out. 

1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed near
St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall. 

1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the
fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight. 

1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South
Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly. 

1994 Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S.
secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to
espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in
prison without parole. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped
testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his
former Whitewater business partners. 

1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect.
Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did
not sign. 

1999 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected (on a tie
vote of 213-213) a measure expressing support for NATO's
five-week-old air campaign in Yugoslavia. The House also
voted to limit the president's authority to use ground
forces in Yugoslavia. 

2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the
first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California
businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination
was the international space station. 

2008 India set a world record when it sent 10 satellites
into orbit from a single launch. 

2017  smiled.

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Frog Jigging injury 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter! Subscribe
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, April 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support 
for the troops! 

OK, two guys figured out what category they fall in.

It is snowing again, but only a couple of inches so far.
Lawn mower is ready, the grass is not.


Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a four- some of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but my broken thumb still hurts like hell!" _____________________________________________________ 2 Yesterday I was discussing computers with an acquaintance while waiting in line at the store check-out counter and she told me that she had a new high tech mouse with "no balls!" I have been using an optical mouse for about 20 years, but I couldn't resist a straight line like that. That led me to ask "A mouse with no balls!!!! How does it reproduce?" To which she replied, "Cybersex of course!" _____________________________________________________ 3 A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "It sure is!" "Well, I will talk to my husband about this tonight !" That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." ____________________________________________________ 4 The two female teens were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence. "Aren't you worried about Tommy's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other girl, "He doesn't do all my writing, anyway!" _____________________________________________________ 5 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too...." _____________________________________________________ 6 [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded east toward the White River bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his ball off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Poole's wife Lavinia asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck. =====================================================

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Ophelia Dingbatter
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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas man arrested after he drove while intoxicated,
 with infant and teens in car, and crashed into two homes
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 27 in
1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed 
by natives in the Philippines. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up." The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he yelled: "@%$# Army! . I'll bet that truck won't be there either!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the stone carver from for these news: Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady here died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank: Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections." Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been." Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?" Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!" Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" Citibank: "Excuse me?" Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?" Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January." Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply." Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?" Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?" Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given) Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?" Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help." Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care." Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply." Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?" Citibank: "That might help." Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69." Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Hernandez, 21, Odessa, Texas Texas man arrested after he drove while intoxicated, with infant and teens in car, and crashed into two homes A man was arrested after police say he drove a car while intoxicated with an infant and two teens inside and crashed into two homes. Paul Hernandez, 21, has been charged and arrested for Driving While Intoxicated with a Child Passenger, a State Jail Felony. According to the Odessa Police Department, their officers responded to the 900 block of Munos around midnight Saturday for a call of a major crash. When police arrived on scene they found that a white GMC Sierra had crashed into a home in the 900 block before then driving on and crashing into a second home in the same block, according to OPD. Witnesses at the scene were then able to detain the driver until officers arrived. The driver was identified as Hernandez. It was also learned that three passengers were in the car, including a 15-year- old boy, 14-year-old boy and a five-month-old girl. According to police, officers on scene could smell a strong odor of alcohol coming from Hernandez's breath. He was then placed into custody for driving while intoxicated before being transported to the Ector County Law Enforcement Center. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: A.J. Re: On-Line Conferencing Dear Webby I got an ad about on-line conferencing. Compared to on-location meetings $2879 sounds like quite a big saving. How reliable are those on-line conferences? A.J. Dear A.J. Ask your kids to show you how to use Skype for free, and save those $2879. Or send them to me. (The dollars, not the kids!) The secret to good on-line conferences is the same as for on-location conferences: Prepare, prepare, prepare! Make a special folder for the conference, and put all files, that you possibly might need, into that, so that there won't be any emabarrassing pauses while you hunt them down. If at all possible, upload pictures and douments to a conference site beforehand. That's the equivalent of the printed reference material laid out in a traditional conference or meeting. Ideally, you get everybody to read the reference material beforehand, so that everybody knows what the meeting is about, and you don't have to waste time making speeches, but can skip right to the discussion part. Just like with a traditional meeting it is extremely important that you "dont let democracy break out" and the meeting deteriorate into off-topic gossiping by individual groups or pairs. Remind them that their gossip shows in the log and WILL be printed for all attendants. That usually shuts them up and lets you bring everything back on topic. The success of an on-line conference does not really depend on the brand of software you use, but on how well prepared you are, and on how mean a tyrant you are. Using standard meeting calls and procedures are absolutely necessary, if you don't want the conference to deteriorate into a chaotic party. There are huge benefits to on-line meetings. You can have advisors and helpers surround you and feeding you the right links at the right time, draw up diagrams or contracts, and it will all appear to everybody as if you just had done all the homework. While using video works quite well, we found it to be more of a novel distraction than a conference tool, and have not used it for serious meetings since about 1996. Video is better suited to one-on-one meetings like interviewing job candidates or performance evaluation meetings. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Andy for this joke: A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! Let's have a word with the greens keeper. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Your Houseplants in Water By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] How It Works Hydroculture is another word for hydroponics, a method of growing plants in water containing dissolved nutrients. Many of the foods we eat are produced this way commercially, especially in areas where land for cultivating crops is limited. A simple, scaled-down version of this technique is an ideal way to grow many houseplants. Plants are grown in containers filled with water and liquid fertilizer. The plants take in nutrients from a water solution through their "water" roots. After continuously being submerged in water, they have adapted by developing a greater capacity to store oxygen. Once the hydroculture system has been set up, a float in the reservoir indicates when it's time to add more solution. The Advantages No more guessing how much to feed and water. One of the fastest ways to kill a houseplant is by giving it too much or too little water. Or, not understanding how to properly use fertilizer. With hydroculture, feeding and watering requires little more than topping off water levels. In soil, certain nutrients can remain fixed in the soil as insoluble compounds. In hydroculture, nutrients are evenly available to the root system, so plants tend to be more vigorous. Reduces pests and disease. No soil means no more soil born pests, including those creepy little potting soil gnats. You can also say goodbye to mold spores and mildew-a boon for those who suffer from allergies. Lower maintenance. Hydroculture is cleaner and easier to maintain. By eliminating dirt, you eliminate must odors and messy spills. You'll need to water less often, transplant less often, and worry less about leaving your plants unattended while on vacation.
C-17 Globemaster Flyover
____________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooow, Sandy! Do you come here often?." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister." ___________________________________________________
19 Pictures That Have Absolutely No Good Explanation For Existing.
>From Randy The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 27
1296 The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of

1509 Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of

1521 Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by
natives in the Philippines. 

1565 The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was
established in Cebu City. 

1805 A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna,
on the shores of Tripoli. 

1813 Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day
Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario. 

1861 West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia
seceded from the Union during the American Civil War. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln issued an order to General
Winfield Scott that authorized him to suspend the writ of
habeas corpus between Philadelphia and Washington at or near
any military line. 

1863 The Army of the Potomac began marching on

1865 In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 2,300
Union POWs. Between 1,400 2,000 were killed. 

1880 Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the electrical
hearing aid. 

1897 Grant's Tomb was dedicated. 

1909 The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown. 

1938 Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. She was
the first American woman to become a queen. 

1938 A colored baseball was used for the first time in any
baseball game. The ball was yellow and was used between
Columbia and Fordham Universities in New York City. 

1945 The Second Republic was founded in Austria. 

1946 The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the
first commercial ship to be equipped with radar. 

1950 South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which formally
segregated races. 

1953 The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to any
Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet. 

1953 Five people were killed and 60 injured when Mt. Aso
erupted on the island of Kyushu. 

1960 The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. It
was the first sub to be equipped with closed-circuit

1961 The United Kingdom granted Sierra Leone independence. 

1965 "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. 

1967 In Montreal, Prime Minister Lester Pearson lighted a
flame to open Expo 67. 

1975 Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops. 

1978 Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan. 

1982 The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington.
Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for the
shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others. 

1982 China proposed a new constitution that would radically
alter the structure of the national government. 

1984 In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11
days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others. 

1989 Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in

1987 The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President
Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. They claimed that he
had aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of
Jews and others as a junior German Army officer during World
War II. 

1992 The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was proclaimed in
Belgrade by the Republic of Serbia and its ally Montenegro. 

1992 Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry
into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. 

2005 The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its
maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840. 

2005 Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first
Kremlin leader to visit Israel. 

2006 In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776-foot
One World Trade Center on the site of former World Trade

2017  smiled.

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How to clean a CD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 26

Thank You, Norma!!

We had snow almost every day for a week now. 4 inches today.
Calgary had 8 inches, Bragg Creek had 10. So much for
Gullible Warming!

Apparently collecting Carbon Tax to sabotage the economy and
to hire more burocrats does reduce the Gullible Warming. It
makes no sense to me, but since I am not a grant recipient,
they don't ask me anyway.

Well, we are in the cooling cycle again. 
The warming cycle started when Carl Sagans anti-muscle car
frenzy got going full steam. He blamed our muscle cars and
CO2 for the coming ice age. As soon as all the gullible
fools believed him, the cooling stopped and the warming

The warming cycle ended shortly after Al Gore's Gullible
Warming movie made him a few dozen Million bucks and
somebody bought him and Obama a Nobel prize.

I wonder who will champion the next "Ice Age Is Coming"

Send in your nominations!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Michigan barbarians destroy store and run over manager
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 26 in
1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. --- Ernest Benn It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. --- Pierre Beaumarchais AOL's "support" is built on that concept. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian elementary school for lunch . At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A teacher had made a note, and posted on the apple tray. It said, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note by the cookies that said, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barbarians in Kentwood, Michigan Not caught yet Michigan barbarians destroy store and run over manager At approximately 1:30 a.m. on Saturday, three women pulled up to a drive-through window at a Michigan convenience store. Before it was over, the store was trashed and the store manager was in the hospital — suffering from a broken pelvis, fractured leg, and bleeding on her brain. And it was all caught on surveillance video. As reported by Fox 17, the whole thing started when one or more of the unidentified women began arguing with the manager, identified only as “Kristina,” about prices. An employee of T&J Party Store, “Jose,” told the station: “They were arguing about the price or something like that, like the price was changing or something. So the owner gave them the bottle to check everything and she just got tired of dealing with it so she closed the window.” It was then game-on. In the video, the women can be seen walking into the store and confronting the manager at the check-out counter. They then storm out — tearing down shelves along the way. Jose told Fox 17 the manager started chasing them. "One of the two girls who came in after said 'well we'll give her something to get mad about,' and they started pulling down the shelves of the snacks. [...] They pulled the shelves and that's when Kristina started chasing them because they started running." The parking lot surveillance video revealed what happened next. After the manager chased the women to their SUV, she was knocked to the ground by the vehicle and run over. Jose suggested Kristina is fortunate to be alive. “I found her on the ground, she was laying there. If it would've been a few inches further they would've run over her stomach, so it was lucky that it wasn't and it was just the legs otherwise it would've been worse.” Fox 17 reported late Friday night that no arrests have been made in the case, nor have the suspects been identified. The 27 year old driver has been arrested, the teens 17 and 16 were let go. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Clean CDs Dear Webby Dear are the only one I can ask to help with advice on ...if it is possible to remove glue from a CD ? I got a CD with a Net Guide Magazine and it is always stuck on a page with rubberised solution...that's not a problem....but they then gum the protective cellophane envelope shut. I managed to get the CD out of there and then....stupid me !....after browsing it...I laid the CD back down on top of the envelope on my desk and Voila ! unusable CD. What can I use there a safe solution that would make my CD playable again ? I appreciate your sensible daily often things I needed to know ! I hope I don't have to go out and buy another magazine to get the has some good programmes on it ! Kind regards! Ella Dear Ella Soap and hot water don't hurt CDs. I would spray some citrus based organic cleaner onto it, let it soak for a few minutes, and then scrub it under hot water with a clean microfiber cloth. Dish soap should work too, but don't use dishwasher soap! Dishwasher soap has abrasives in it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, "We bet we can tell how old you are." The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it." One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age." He did. The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!" The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How did you guess that?" The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "You told us yesterday!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Baked Apple Egg Roll Recipes We made these delicious apple egg rolls for dessert tonight! They were so easy to make and the vanilla whipped cream was perfect for dipping. :) Ingredients: Filling: 2 apples (I used 1 Granny Smith and 1 Gala) 2 Tbsp. lemon juice 1/3 cup sugar 4 Tbsp. flour 2 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp. allspice 1/8 tsp. salt 16 egg roll wrappers 1 egg lightly beaten Vanilla Whipped Cream: 3/4 cup heavy whipping cream 1/4 cup sugar 2 tsp. vanilla cinnamon Directions: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Peel, core, and chop up the apples. Add to a medium bowl. Add remaining filling ingredients to bowl and stir until well combined. Allow mixture to sit for about 10 minutes. Put egg into small bowl and beat slightly. Place a layer of parchment paper on a cookie sheet and lightly spray with cooking spray. Lay out one egg roll wrapper and carefully spoon about 2 Tbsp. of the filling onto the wrapper, near one of the points. Fold the point over the filling and then fold the two sides in towards the center. Brush the wrapper with some egg wash and carefully (but tightly) roll up the egg roll. Lay seam side down on prepared cookie sheet. Repeat until all of the filling is gone. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until golden brown and crisp. During the last 5 minutes of cooking, remove from oven and brush with melted butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar. Return them to the oven for the remaining 5 minutes. Serve immediately with vanilla whipped cream. Vanilla Whipped Cream: Place cream into a mixing bowl and using a hand mixer, beat on medium-high speed. Once cream has begun to thicken, add sugar and vanilla. Combine well, and continue to whip mixture until stiff peaks form. Lightly sprinkle with cinnamon. Servings:approx. 16 Prep Time:20 Minutes Cooking Time:20-25 Minutes By Laurel and Aiden from Port Orchard, WA
Cockatoo Rocks Out to Don't Be Cruel
____________________________________________________ Thanks to the tow-handle, the mileage is phenomenal! ___________________________________________________
I love mysteries!
From Jane: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies." Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 26
1478 Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano

1514 Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 

1607 The British established an American colony at Cape
Henry, Virginia. It was the first permanent English
establishment in the Western Hemisphere. 

1865 Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to
Sherman during the American Civil War. 

1865 John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal

1921 Weather forecasts were heard for the first time on
radio in St. Louis, MO. 

1929 First non-stop flight from England to India was

1937 German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the
Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government.
This raid is considered one of the first to be attacks on a
civilian population by a modern air force. 

1945 Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's
Vichy government during World War II, was arrested. 

1964 The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged
to form Tanzania. 

1968 Students seized the administration building at Ohio
State University. 

1982 The British announced that Argentina had surrendered on
South Georgia. 

1985 In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79
people and injured 247. 

1986 The world’s worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at
Chernobyl, in Ukraine. Thirty-one people died in the
incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive

1998 Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned
to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities
during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 

2000 Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's New
York Islanders. 

2002 In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17
people at his former school. The student then killed

2017  smiled.

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Humor: Danger of compressed "air" dusters 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 25

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Prisoner Tried To Carve ‘666’ Into His Forehead — 
It Didn’t Exactly go As Planned
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 25 in
1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge. After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling." "Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not." Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The Rabbi eyed him coolly and replied: "With whom?" "That's 'With WHO!' " the Judge thundered. That is an extra day picking up garbage along the highway, on top of the five each of you get for lying to me!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Here finally is a picture of the famous Bausell Sailor: Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Old Mugshot, does not include newest "features" Nikko Jenkins, 28, Omaha, Nebraska Prisoner Tried To Carve ‘666’ Into His Forehead — It Didn’t Exactly go As Planned In trying to prove he was crazy in a long shot bid to avoid the death penalty, Nikko Jenkins only ended up proving he was a major league moron. Jenkins, 28, attempted to carve “the mark of the beast” into his forehead. His major mistake was using a mirror, causing his “creation” to come out backward. However, with a series of upside-down 9s, Jenkins has fashioned himself an entirely unique – and irreversible – engraving. According to, Jenkins told his attorney about the incident in a phone call from his cell in Omaha, Nebraska. The 28-year-old is in an ongoing appeal that he is mentally unstable and therefore ineligible to face the death penalty. His failed stunt was an apparent attempt to help prove that case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Martin Re: Compressed "air" Dear Webby I know you have long badmouthed and condemned the use of compressed air for computer cleaning, without ever stating your real reason. The kids already know and talk about it. Maybe it's as well that the parents and grandparents do too. (Yeah, I know, there are plenty of adult 'bone-heads" who would abuse them if told. Martin Dear Martin Yes, it is true that stooopid kids inhale the compressed "air" from those silly cans that are sold to bozos to blow dirt and small parts to harder to reach places. Techs have known or suspected for a long time that those companies like Dust-Off just ship their toxic waste gases all over the country, to get rid of them anywhere but in their own back yard. We have also known for a long time that a certain percentage of kids will sniff anything from gas to glue, if some other kids tell them it will make them experience something strange. So, since you now know that Dust-Off and similar cans of compressed "air" contain toxic waste gases, supposedly as a propellant, and that dumb kids sniff that stuff, don't bring it into the house. Sure, not all kids who huff the stuff will die, some will just get even dumber than they are. But a certain percentage WILL die from huffing. For the same cost as a large can of toxic waste gas propelled industrial air, you can get a small rechargeable battery powered vacuum cleaner and get rid of dust bunnies instead of blowing them underneath heat sinks and other hard to get to places. If you do feel the insane urge to blow dust from the computer all over the house, put the crevice tool onto the hose of the vacuum cleaner and plug the hose into the wrong end of the vacuum cleaner. The fans in the computer will suck the stuff back into the computer and you can repeat the procedure next spring. Have FUN! DearWebby
From a dozen years ago: Yesterday Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to give a speech to California voters, but it was bumped so that Michael Jackson's verdict and a ton of ads could be televised. Arnold acted upset and said, if he can't speak to his voters, how can the [democrat] media misquote him?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Sap on Your Car It always best to remove sap from your car quickly, while it is still soft. The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. You can also try rubbing the sap with mayonnaise on a rag. I have also heard that WD-40 works well for softening sap so that it can be removed. Clean the area once the sap has been removed. Tip provided by
Grandmas' reality show!
____________________________________________________ A frog decided to call the psychic hotline and see what his future held for him. The psychic says, "You will meet a very beautiful girl, who will want to know everything about you." "That's great !" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party, in the pond?" The psychic hesitated, then responded, "You will meet her next semester, in Biology lab!" ___________________________________________________
Celebrities when they were young.
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW DOWN! NUDIST COLONY
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 25
1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to
capture Timbuktu. 

1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by hanging

1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 

1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces
defeated the Anglo-Portugese. 

1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman
Nicolas J. Pelletier. 

1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of
disputes over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the
war fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River. 

1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt. 

1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power
reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital
for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with
the United States. 

1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA. 

1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, Union
General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA. 

1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade. 

1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of
Hanoi in Indochina. 

1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war
on the U.S. the day before. 

1901 New York became the first state to require license
plates for cars. The fee was $1. 

1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops
landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the
Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful. 

1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as president of

1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the name

1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 

1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on Elbe

1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco
to organize the United Nations. 

1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist
Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on
"Gloucester Hill," in Korea. 

1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in
U.S. Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill
lasted 22 hours and 26 minutes. 

1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick
suggested the double helix structure of DNA. 

1954 The prototype manufacture of the first solar battery
was announced by the Bell Laboratories in New York City. 

1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium
nuclear reactor. 

1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way
connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean. 

1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated

1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon. 

1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law
legalizing abortion in the U.S. The law was limited to
therapeutic abortions when agreed to, unanimously, by a
panel of three physicians. 

1971 The country of Bangladesh was established. 

1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a
military coup. 

1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first revised
on October 30, 1982. 

1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was
aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the
eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a
helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded.
Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed at
freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S.
embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event took place
April 24th Washington, DC, time. 

1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel
completed its Sinai withdrawal. 

1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith
to visit his country after receiving a letter in which the
U.S. schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war. 

1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit,
speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way. 

1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show
they favored the decentralization of education. 

1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S.
policy in Central America. They didn't understand it, but
had a lot of fun protesting anyway.

1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was
sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal. 

1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua. 

1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's
orbit. It was released by the space shuttle Discovery. 

1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of
the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist

1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation
Organization voted to revoke clauses in its charter that
called for an armed struggle to destroy Israel. 

1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton on was
questioned by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her
work as a private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at
the center of the investigation. 

2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader
and ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was
sentenced to four years in prison for her conviction on
fraud and theft charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of
fraud and 25 of theft of money from a women's political

2017  smiled.

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Fake "Email Account Suspension" Mail scam 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 24

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Connecticut dominatrix arrested for extortion
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 24 in
1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) The shortest distance between two points is under construction. --- Noelie Altito A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen." Now type the letter "p" to bring up the Program Manager." CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "p". TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?" TECH SUPPORT" "p" on your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ More from Kati: Boudreaux's 17-year-old, unmarried daughter tells her parents she thinks she is expecting. Very worried, they go to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, and crying, Boudreaux says, "Who 'dat pig what did you like 'dis? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of Boudreaux's house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with Boudreaux, the mother and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility. "If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, Boudreaux, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Den you try agin!" ______________________________________________________ Waiting long? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fatin Ann Ward, 35, Waterbury, Connecticut Connecticut dominatrix arrested for extortion A Connecticut dominatrix who describes herself as a “ruthless, plus size Bitch” in an online ad is locked up for allegedly extorting hush money from a 69-year-old man whom she recorded during their sessions, police report. According to an arrest warrant application, the victim hired Fatin Ann Ward, a 35-year-old convicted sex offender, after spotting an ad she placed on The victim, a Mt. Kisco, New York resident, told police that he traveled to Ward’s Waterbury apartment for encounters with the dominatrix. In one online ad, Ward--identified as “Mistresses Teenie”-- declares that she is “black, dominant, ruthless” and has “the desire to walk all over you. Literally.” The ad concludes, “You shall submit yourself to me. Don't keep me waiting, give into your desires and release your finances over to me.” Ward’s client told police that she recorded him during one session. A subsequent police search of Ward’s phone turned up photos and videos of the client performing oral sex on Ward, sucking and rubbing her feet, and undressing and cleaning the 5' 6", 216-pound dominatrix’s oven. As first reported by the Republican-American's Jonathan Shugarts, Ward allegedly threatened to distribute the incriminating videos online unless the man paid her off. The victim, cops say, agreed to hush money payments in excess of $5000. The man, who provided Ward with more than half of the agreed upon amount, told investigators that the dominatrix contacted his wife and forwarded her the embarrassing videos. In a phone call monitored by police, Ward allegedly threatened to also send the footage to the victim’s children. As police executed a search warrant at her home, Ward told investigators that she had not threatened the client, though she did acknowledge that the man had not paid what he owed her. Ward told cops that she had told the victim his wife would “have a heart attack if she knew about his fetish for black women.” Pictured above, Ward was arrested last week on larceny, voyeurism, and disseminating voyeuristic materials charges. She is locked up in lieu of $100,000 bond. According to the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division, Ward--who has also used the surname Ahmad--is a Tier II sex offender. She was convicted in October 2000 of an attempted lewd act on a minor, a felony for which she served state prison time. Ward is required to register as a sex offender in both South Carolina, where she was convicted, and Connecticut, where she now resides. Her victim is a bonehead too, but there is no name or mugshot available. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: "Email Account Suspension" Mail sent by scammer Dear Webby I received all kinds of weird mail threatening to suspend my email account if I did not open some attachment and do this or that. The mails pretended to be from some team at my domain. Well, as you know, my team is me and my dog, and neither one of us sends silly emails to the other. What is it all about and how do I stop it? Angel Dear Angel It's some silly spam sent by a scammer. Just make a filter in MailWasher that looks for "Email Account Suspension" in the subject line, and tell it to trash that mail automatically. You won't see another one. Don't worry about that filter accidentally dumping legitimate mail. Nobody will announce suspending anybody's email. If email has to be messed with, because that address has not been checked in a long time, and the mail box has over 20 MB of spam in it, then there is no point adding a suspension notice to the end of that. The box will simply be dumped when it goes over the limit. Have FUN! DearWebby
Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the dopey anaesthesiologist!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Alternatives To Dryer Sheets By marilyn shipman [16 Posts, 4 Comments] Aluminum Foil as Alternative to Fabric Sheets By marilyn shipman [16 Posts, 4 Comments] If you don't have fabric sheets or just don't want to buy them, try using aluminum foil instead! Crumple up a sheet of aluminum foil into a ball and toss it into the dryer. It eliminates static cling, lasts a long, long time, and costs practically nothing! By Marilyn from Colfax, LA
Demolition phone call
____________________________________________________ A couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him." ___________________________________________________
Splattered ink animal paintings.
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 24
1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass
in Central America. 

1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of
Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg. 

1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin,

1800 The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000

1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of
Derna in Tripoli. 

1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain. 

1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire. 

1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New
Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule
in the South. 

1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa
was now a German colony. 

1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized. 

1897 William Price became the first to be named White House
news reporter. 

1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's
ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba. 

1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began
the mass deportation of Armenians. 

1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion
against British occupation forces. They were overpowered
several days later. 

1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the

1953 Winston Churchill was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. 

1955 "X-Minus One," a science fiction show, was first heard
for the first time on NBC radio. 

1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility"
following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. 

1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time. 

1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft
crashed with a tangled parachute. 

1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts.

1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first

1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors
in nine kinds of cancer. 

1974 David Bowie released "Diamond Dogs." 

1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing. 

1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape
Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space

1997 The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons
Convention. The global treaty banned the development,
production, storage and use of chemical weapons. 

2000 ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 

2003 A U.S. official reported that North Korea had claimed
to have nuclear weapons. 

2017  smiled.

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Anti Static strap 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 23

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
2 NH women arrested for Pizza Dewlivery man stabbing
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 23 in
1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Donna rides the bus to work every day. Today she's in some discomfort because she has a pain in her lower abdomen. She finally realizes that its just a tremendous build up of gas from something she ate. The bus is quite crowded and she doesn't know what to do. Then she remembers that pretty soon the bus will run across some railroad tracts and it will rattle and bang and make lots of noise. She will be able to pass this gas and nobody will know. What she doesn't know is that the bus driver also rides the bus everyday and has grown tired of all the noise the bus makes when it rattles and bangs across the railroad tracts. So last night he stayed after work and had the maintenance crew tighten up all the loose bolts and lubricate all the moving parts to quiet down the old bus. Well, here come the railroad tracts, Donna raises up on one cheek and lets it rip. It was one long, loud, juicy sounding fart. The bus didn't rattle and bang like it usually did and now you could hear a pin drop inside the bus as everybody started looking around. Donna thought that maybe no one knew who did it and that she should just act natural. She thought she should just start a conversation with someone as if nothing had happened. She leaned over to the man sitting across the aisle and casually asked him, 'Do you have a transfer?' He politely responded, 'No I don't, but the next tree we pass I will try and grab you a handful of leaves.' ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Debra Pitts, 31, Jennifer Tozzi, 34, Claremont NH 2 NH women arrested for Pizza Dewlivery man stabbing Two women face felony charges in connection with the stabbing and armed robbery of a pizza delivery man Saturday morning, police said. The incident happened on Trinity Street and the victim, who was not identified, was treated and released from Valley Regional Hospital, Claremont Police Capt. Brent Wilmot said in a news release. Acting in part on tips from the public and an investigation that included reviewing video surveillance footage from a nearby location, police arrested Debra Pitts, 31, of Claremont, and Jennifer Tozzi, 34, at a Claremont residence at about 7:30 p.m. Saturday. Tozzi also had a warrant out for her arrest in connection an incident out of Grafton County, police said. Her hometown was not indicated in the release. Pitts faces a robbery charge and Tozzi has been charged with conspiracy to commit robbery. The charges filed against both are Class A felony-level offenses, the release said. Pitts and Tozzi remain in custody and scheduled to be arraigned on Monday in Claremont District Court. An earlier police news release said an order from Domino’s was being delivered to an apartment on Trinity Street when the delivery driver was attacked as he arrived at the apartment. The driver was stabbed several times and a small amount of money was taken. A neighbor who heard the attack intervened and threatened to call the police, at which point the two suspects fled on foot in the direction of Franklin Street. Pitts lives on Trinity Street, though Police Chief Mark Chase declined to say whether she had initiated the call to Dominos. “This has all the signs that it’s more than likely drug- related,” Chase said before the arrests were made. “We’re definitely looking at that angle. It’s just what everybody in the state is dealing with.” Staff at the Claremont Dominos on Saturday morning acknowledged that the driver was recovering from his injuries, but referred questions to a manager, who did not immediately respond to requests for comment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosalind Re: Static strap Dear Webby Have to install an ether port in the tower and the book says I should wear an grounding wrist strap available at most electronics stores. Before I spend the money I would like your opinion as to the necessity of wearing one. Thanks for your newsletter, pictures and always dependable advice. Rosalind Dear Rosalind Double your money. Just fold it in half and stick it back into your wallet. With today's electronics, static is not really a problem any more. However, if you routinely get zapped when you touch door knobs or the back of the computer, then take a couple of feet of any flexible wire, strip the insulation of the last few inches, tie one end to bare metal at the back of the computer, and loop the other end through your watch band o around your wrist. When you work on the computer, always leave it plugged in, so that it is properly grounded. Anybody who tells you to unplug the computer is a clueless idiot. Turn the switch on the power supply in the back to OFF. It will cut off all power, but will leave the ground securely connected. When done, remember to turn the power supply switch back ON. Make sure that your Ethernet cable is long enough, plug it into the port, and secure the cable to any vent holes in the back with a tight nylon quick-tie. That way no strain is put onto the delicate socket and plug, and it is not damaged when somebody trips over the cable or somebody pulls on it while trying to straighten out the cable mess behind the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
A five-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the kid, 'but the store is full of mothers.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Reheating Evenly in a Microwave Oven By ShirleyE [162 Posts, 103 Comments] When reheating a meal on a plate in your microwave oven, arrange the food in a ring to help heat it more evenly.
Demolition phone call
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" ___________________________________________________
Splattered ink animal paintings.
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. " We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars " "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 23
1348 The first English order of knighthood was founded. It
was the Order of the Garter. 

1500 Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 

1521 The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain.

1635 The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was
the first public school building in the United States. 

1759 The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the
Antilies from France. 

1789 U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin
House, New York. It was the first executive mansion. 

1789 "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time.
It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 

1826 Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 

1861 Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 

1895 Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the
Liaodong peninsula to China. 

1896 The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a
screen was demonstrated in New York City. 

1900 The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an
article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-

1908 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act
creating the U.S. Army Reserve. 

1920 The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first
meeting in Ankara. 

1924 The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 

1945 The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin. 

1950 Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao
and the communists. 

1951 The Associated Press began use of the new service of
teletype setting. 

1967 The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 

1971 The Soyuz 10 was launched. 

1981 The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test
at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 

1982 The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that
consumer prices declined the previous month (March). It was
the first decline in almost 17 years. 

1985 The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing
its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful,
which resulted in the resumption of selling the original

1988 A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on
flights that were under two hours. 

1988 In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the
Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the
marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 

1988 Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for
human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles
and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 

1996 An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis'
possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale
brought in #34.5 million. 

1997 An infertility doctor in California announced that a
63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child
was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to
give birth. 

1999 In Washington, DC, the heads of state and government of
the 19 NATO nations celebrated the organization's 50th

2003 U.S. President George W. Bush signed legislation that
authorized the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for
release in 2004. It was the first change to the coin in 65
years. The change, to commemorate the 200th anniversary of
the Louisiana Purchase, was planned to run for only two
years before returning to the previous design. 

2004 U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against
Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up
weapons of mass destruction. 

2005 The first video was uploaded to 

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications
bought and downloaded. 

2017  smiled.

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Modem as coffee heater 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 22

Thank you, Sig!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
David Harlow, stole his dates purse on 
their first date in Phoenix, Arizona.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 22 in
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral 
discovered Brazil. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ >From Fran: My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers, that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons, pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Mariana When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Can she cook?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dedav for this one: A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!" The bartender hooks a thumb over at a piano in the corner, "If that dog can play that piano, you both get a drink on the house!" The guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are loving it. Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?" The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wants him to be a dentist." ______________________________________________________ Skunked! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Harlow, 38, Phoenix, Arizona David Harlow, stole his dates purse on their first date in Phoenix, Arizona. The Phoenix Police Department says 38-year-old David Harlow has been arrested for allegedly stealing a woman’s purse during a first date. Police say Harlow met the woman on Tinder, and the two talked for several weeks before meeting in person at a resort in Phoenix. During the date, the victim went to the restroom and asked Harlow to watch her belongings. When she got back, Harlow and her purse were reportedly gone. Harlow allegedly took the victim’s credit card to a casino and tried to withdraw money from several banks. "I feel like I took the appropriate cautions with this," the woman explained in a recent interview with ABC15. "Meeting him in public at a busy venue during the day." She says she felt comfortable enough to leave her belongings with the man because she thought they had connected, and had been talking for several weeks. Police say Harlow has involvement in similar incidents in the past. He has been booked on charges of felony theft, theft of a credit card, and taking the identity of another. Welcome to Joe Arpaios pink suit camp site, @#$%?&! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Petra Re: Modem heater Dear Webby My good old DSL modem died and I had to replace it. The new one is not keeping my coffee hot like the old one used to do. Any simple remedies for that? Petra Dear Petra, heating coffee too long makes it sour and tasting bad. Keeping it hot in a stainless steel thermos is a good solution. Millions of industrial and mining workers have done that for many decades. I still have my good old Stanley stainless steel thermos, that I bought, when I was working at the ALCAN smelter in the 70s. It still works fine, even though I dented it in a bad motorcycle accident in the 80s. They are probably a lot less expensive now. If you do not want an industrial looking thermos on your desk, search for "usb cup heater". Amazon lists them from $5 up. They range from dainty to cute in many designer colors. They even have one, that you recharge from your USB port and can then take along to the outhouse or picnic. Have FUN! DearWebby
An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness replied, "MY mother did!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning Dirty Glass Bottles By Pattie McIntyre [38 Posts, 56 Comments] Try filling the bottle about halfway with water. Add a couple of tablespoons of ammonia. Using a funnel, pour in a couple of tablespoons of raw rice. Shake vigorously, then rinse. The rice "scrubs" the inside of the bottle. Hope this helps.
father films daughter 0 - 14 years old
____________________________________________________ In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today -- Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, "Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years." But even in death, he couldn't escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, "WOW! That's Amazing!" ___________________________________________________
Chalk art drawings.
Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped to ask a question. "Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf course you have here" he said to St. Peter. "That shouldn't matter to you." said St. Peter. "But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed "Well if I can't see it, then I'm not coming in!" "Very well Michael. As you wish...look through the gates." He looked and saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him sick to his stomach. "Forget it. There is no way in Hell I'm going to spend eternity playing on that course!" Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over his gate. "Come over here and see what I have to offer." Michael peered through the gate and he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says "I want to be on THAT course!" "Ok. Step on through and it's yours forever." St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said "I can't wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with laughter. "Oh, they are on the other side! That's why their course looks so worn out!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 22
1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered

1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the
death of his father Henry VII. 

1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in
the Treaty of Saragosa. 

1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status
quo of Germany. 

1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American
neutrality in the war in Europe. 

1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 

1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the
inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent and
two-cent coins. 

1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as
thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. Those,
who had snuck in there before were called "Sooners", a name
often applied to all Oklahomans.

1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred
when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 

1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first
country to use poison gas. 

1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships in
the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 

1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval
Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited

1931 Egypt signed the treaty of friendship with Iraq. 

1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the
White House. 

1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major attack
against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 

1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first
nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 

1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars"
missile system was "highly questionable" and would take ten
years to research. 

1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in
Washington, DC. 

1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture
the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day
hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those
killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, and
all 14 rebels. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez was reunited with his father. He had to
be taken from his Miami relatives by U.S. agents in a
predawn raid. 

2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a
state of emergency in the city of General Santos in response
to a series of bombing attacks the day before. The attacks
were blamed on Muslim extremists. 

2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It
successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010. 

2017  smiled.

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Free and legitimate music 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Connecticut drunk driver with drunkards t-shirt
arrested after crashing into cemetery wall
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 21 in
753 BC Traditional date of the foundation of Rome. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. --- Edward Shepherd Mead There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted. --- James Branch Cabell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get the hell away from my deer!" Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get the hell away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire! Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Priests just can't stay out of trouble here these days. It seems the Church is being REAL careful and smacking down some behavior that, in the past, would have certainly been encouraged. For instance, there's this tale of a priest I heard about, who was trying to modernize the church. You know, to help bring young people into the fold. But the Bishop stopped by and had a chat with the young parish priest. "John," the bishop said, "I don't want to say you've had no successes. You told us to put a little more beat in to the music and that got some young folks back to church. I supported you, you know this, when you wanted a rock & roll gospel choir." "So," John asked, "What's the problem?" "Well, it's that 'drive-thru' confessional idea you came up with." "What's wrong with it? Look at the line-up out there! I am going to need a couple of helpers by the end of the month!" "I think what drove the Monsignor over the edge was the neon sign that said, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell!'" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Harrison Wooton, 25, Woodstock, Connecticut Connecticut drunk driver with drunkards t-shirt arrested after crashing into cemetery wall The 25-year-old Connecticut man was arrested early yesterday for drunk driving after he crashed his car into a wall outside a graveyard near his home in Woodstock. As seen above, Wooton was wearing a t-shirt declaring “Hold My Beer And Watch This” when he was collared for drunk driving and failure to drive in the proper lane. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Free music Dear Webby Is there a place on the web where you can legitimately get free music, without worrying about getting in trouble. I don't mean whole CD's, just enough of each artist to see if their music is worth spending money on. Thanks Alice Dear Alice Try You get one or two songs per artist there, just perfect for finding out who is woth the cost of a CD. Quality is pretty good, but expect to have to adjust the volume for each song. That site is better suited for serious research and Santa Claus list building, than for casual background music. The quality is excellent, but you have to keep selecting artists. I prefer There you select one of about a thousand channels like for example "Blonde Country", or "70's Bluegrass" or "Brazilian Jazz", or whatever you are in the mood for, and let it rip. It will continue to play music from your selected channel, and even remember your selection. You can rate individual artists, and skip the ones you don't like, and even ban artists you don't like. I have all the screechers banned and rated quite a few, so my background music is quite pleasant. You log in with your email address and a password. That means your history and preferences are waiting for you no matter which or whose machine you use. Have FUN! DearWebby
Lord George Brown, when the band struck up at an embassy function, asked: "Beautiful lady in scarlet, will you waltz with me?" "Certainly not," was the reply. "First, you are drunk. Second, it is not a waltz, but the Venezuelan National Anthem; and third, I am not a beautiful lady in scarlet, but the papal nuncio."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Getting Sand Off Your Feet With the summer coming I thought this would be good to share, to remove any dry or wet sand, put baby powder on sandy feet or legs and wipe with towel. Your feet and legs will come clean and you'll smell nice and fresh. By Eleanor
how to make homemade ice
____________________________________________________ Once there was a guy that needed to make some money. He came up with an interesting plan. He had seen an elephant stand on 4 legs, 3 legs, 2 legs, even 1 leg. He had never seen an elephant stand on no legs. So he went out and bought an elephant. He posted a sign letting people know he was giving $1000 to anyone that can make his elephant stand on no legs. For each try he charged $200. So people came and went and the man was making alot of money because everyone was failing. One day, a man in a blue truck drove up and paid his $200. He walked over to the elephant with a large stick behind his back. He said "Now elephant, I want you to stand on no legs." The elephant just stared. So the guy walked around to the back of the elephant and WHACK!!! with the stick, right in the unmentionables. The elephant jumped up and the man received his $1000. The elephants owner had to think of a better plan because the guy took all the money he had made that day. So he said, "I have seen an elephant shake his head up and down but I have never seen an elephant shake his head left to right." So people came and went paying their money but never getting the elephant to shake it's head left to right. The man in the blue truck drove up and walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?" The elephant shook its head up and down. The man said "Do you want me to do it again?" Did he win another $1000 ? Noooo, he didn't. The elephant remembered him and his stick, grabbed both with his trunk and with a swift and straight throw, threw them into a cement mixer across the street. ___________________________________________________
10 most dangerous roads around the world.
Classic Air Traffic Control Tower Conversations: "Air Force '45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard. I see you've already ejected." "Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit cal- ling you twin Cessna." "About three miles ahead, you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles. If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor." "You're gonna have to key the mic. I can't see you when you nod your head." "Put your compass on 'E' and GIT! Our brakes don't work at this altitude." "Don't anybody maintain anything." "Climb like your life depends on it...because it does." "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME, OPEN YOUR WINDOW SHADES!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 21
753 BC Today is the traditional date of the foundation of

43 BC Marcus Antonius was defeated by Octavian near Modena,

1526 Mongol Emperor Babur annihilated the Indian Army of
Ibrahim Lodi. 

1649 The Maryland Toleration Act was passed, allowing all
freedom of worship. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned joint king and
queen of England, Scotland and Ireland. 

1836 General Sam Houston defeated Santa Anna at the Battle
of San Jacinto. This battle decided the independence of

1856 The Mississippi River was crossed by a rail train for
the first time (between Davenport, IA, and Rock Island, IL).

1862 The U.S. Congress established the U.S. Mint in Denver,

1892 The first Buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. 

1898 The Spanish-American War began. 

1914 U.S. Marines occupied Vera Cruz, Mexico. The troops
stayed for six months. 

1916 Bill Carlisle, the infamous "last train robber," robbed
a train in Hanna, WY. 

1918 German fighter ace Manfred von Richthofen, "The Red
Baron," was shot down and killed during World War I. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt announced that
several Doolittle bomber pilots had been executed by the

1959 Alf Dean caught a 16-foot, 10-inch white shark that
weighed 2,664 pounds. At the time it was the largest catch
with a rod and reel. 

1960 Brasilia became the capital of Brazil. 

1961 The French army revolted in Algeria. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva (Svetlana Stalina) defected in New
York City. She was the daughter of Joseph Stalin. 

1967 In Athens, Army colonels took over the government and
installed Constantine Kollias as premier. 

1972 Apollo 16 astronauts John Young and Charles Duke
explored the surface of the moon. 

1975 South Vietnam president, Nguyen Van Thieu, resigned,
condemning the United States. 

1984 In France, it was announced that doctors had found
virus believed to cause AIDS. 

1985 Manuel Ortega proposed a cease-fire for Nicaragua. 

1986 Geraldo Rivera opened a vault that belonged to Al
Capone at the Lexington Hotel in Chicago. Nothing of
interest was found inside. 

1992 Robert Alton Harris became the first person executed by
the state of California in 25 years. He was put to death for
the 1978 murder of two teen-age boys. 

1994 Jackie Parker became the first woman to qualify to fly
an F-16 combat plane. 

2000 In Sinking Spring, PA, a man chased his estranged
girlfriend through town and then forced her car into the
path of an oncoming train. The woman and her 3 passengers
were killed. 

2000 North Carolina researchers announced that the heart of
a 66 million-year-old dinosaur was more like a mammal or
bird than that of a reptile. 

2000 The 1998 Children's Online Privacy Protection Act went
into effect. 

2002 In the city of General Santos, 14 people were killed
and 69 were injured in a bomb attack on a department store.
The attack was blamed on Muslim extremists. 

2009 UNESCO launched The World Digital Library. The World
Digital Library (WDL) is an international digital library
operated by UNESCO and the United States Library of

2017  smiled.

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Privacy and domain name registration 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 20
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY woman in drunkards t-shirt in 
drunk driving bust
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 20 in
1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long
Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that
would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. -- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A nice girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for a chat. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé. "I am a Biblical scholar," he replies. "A Biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice home for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" "I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us." "And children? How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide." The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancé insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, "So? How did it go?" "He has no job and no plans, but he thinks I'm God." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Woman on cell phone at mall parking lot: "Hello, psychic hotline? Where did I park my car?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ladion Logan, 31 Queens, New York City NY woman in drunkards t-shirt in drunk driving bust A New York City woman wearing a “Support Your Local Bartender” t-shirt was arrested yesterday for driving drunk with her six-year-old son in the car. Ladion Logan, a 31-year-old Queens resident, was collared by Long Island cops after she slammed into a parked vehicle in Uniondale, a Nassau County hamlet. When police arrived at the accident scene, Logan reportedly began screaming and cursing at them. Following a brief struggle, Logan was handcuffed and placed into a police cruiser. Seen above, Logan was charged with drunk driving, resisting arrest, and endangering the welfare of a child. Logan’s son- -who was not injured in the crash--was released into the custody of family members, police reported. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Craig Re: Privacy and domain registrations Dear Webby Is it true that registering a domain causes a lot of spam unless you pay a lot of extra money for those rip-off proxy or private registrations? Craig Dear Craig That depends entirely on where you register your domain, Proxy and private registrations are indeed a rip-off, and cause a lot of unnecessary rigmarole. I don't advise them. I have been registering domains for our clients for 25 years and know all the tricks. If you want privacy and eliminate all the spam associated with being listed as a domain owner, I make you a special address for just that. Then you set up a filter in MailWasher or your mail program to filter all mail, that comes to that address, straight to the trash. If you ever do need access to that address, for example to acknowledge an application for some address changes, then you simply disable that filter for half a day. For the billing address of your domain I always use our billing address and pay for your annual renewal on your behalf. It then just shows up as a line item on your next, regular invoice. And we deal with the spam that is trying to get to your name registration billing address. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Ines Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Best Ever Brownies By Holly805 [12 Posts, 10 Comments] These are so rich and chocolatey! The recipe calls for cocoa powder, which lasts longer and is a little less expensive than baking chocolate. Use Dutch-processed cocoa powder when possible. Great for any time, any season! Total Time: 45 minutes Yield: at least a dozen Source: Recipe courtesy of my mom Ingredients: 1 cup butter 1/4 cup shortening 3/4 cup cocoa powder 4 eggs 2 cups sugar 2 tsp vanilla 1 1/2 cup flour 1 cup walnuts (optional) 1/4 cup powdered sugar for dusting (optional) Steps: Melt butter and shortening over low heat. As soon as it is completely melted, whisk in the cocoa powder and beat till smooth. Stir in the sugar and remove the mixture from the heat. Break four eggs into a separate bowl, to catch any bits of shell, and then thoroughly beat into the sugary mixture. It should become smooth and glossy. Stir in the vanilla, and then stir in the flour and nuts (nuts optional). Pour into a greased and lightly floured 13 X 9 inch pan. Gently push the batter to fill the edges of the pan and make light swirls over the top. This is what creates that nice, paper-thin crisp on the top. Bake for 25-30 minutes. If you want to dress up the brownies, Sift a little powdered sugar over small templates. You can also cut out a snowflake/flower pattern from a small circle of paper (which is what I did). Hold the template in place on each individual brownie while you sift the powdered sugar 1-2 tablespoons at a time over their tops. Gently lift off the templates, making sure not to displace any sugar. Enjoy!
Smack the Penguin
____________________________________________________ Two priests are vacationing in Hawaii. They don't want to stand out, so they decide to buy casual clothes. They've just hit the beach in loud Hawaiian print T- shirts and sandals when they spot this hot blonde in a tiny bikini walking their way. As she walks past them, she politely says, "Good afternoon, fathers." Well, the men are amazed, because they can't understand how the woman knew they were priests. They decide to go out and buy even wilder clothes, so they buy tie- died T-shirts, surfer shorts, and dark sunglasses. The next day, they hit the beach in their wild new clothes, and the same blonde passes them in a string bikini. As she passes, she says, "How do you do, fathers?" Well, the two priests are really confused, so they ask the blonde, "Excuse me, ma'am. We're not ashamed of being priests, but how in the world did you know who we were?" The blonde replies "Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Catherine from the convent!" ___________________________________________________
This street art is a little different.
With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year- old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. After another half hour had elapsed, they asked again, "Can we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them. "WHEN HE CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES??" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 20
1139 The Second Lateran Council opened in Rome. 

1534 Jacques Cartier, a French explorer, set sail from St.
Malo to explore the North American coastline. 

1653 In England, Oliver Cromwell expelled the Long
Parliament for trying to pass the Perpetuation Bill that
would have kept Parliament in the hands of only a few

1657 English Admiral Robert Blake fought his last battle
when he destroyed the Spanish fleet in Santa Cruz Bay. 

1689 The siege of Londonderry began. Supporters of James II
attacked the city. 

1769 Ottawa Chief Pontiac was murdered by an Illinois Indian
in Cahokia. 

1775 American troops began the siege of British-held Boston.

1792 France declared war on Austria, Prussia, and Sardinia.
It was the start of the French Revolutionary wars. 

1809 Napoleon defeated Austria at Battle of Abensberg,

1832 Hot Springs National Park was established by an act of
the U.S. Congress. It was the first national park in the

1837 Erastus B. Bigelow was granted a patent for his power

1841 In Philadelphia, PA, Edgar Allen Poe's first detective
story, "The Murders in the Rue Morgue," was published in
Graham's Magazine. 

1861 Robert E. Lee resigned from U.S. Army. 

1865 Safety matches were first advertised. 

1879 First mobile home (horse drawn) was used in a journey
from London to Cyprus. 

1902 Scientists Marie and Pierre Curie isolated the
radioactive element radium. 

1916 Sir Roger Casement landed in Ireland to incite
rebellion against the British. Casement, a British diplomat,
was captured within hours and was hanged for high treason on
August 3. 

1919 The Polish Army captured Vilno, Lithuania from the

1940 The First electron microscope was demonstrated by RCA. 

1942 Pierre Laval, the premier of Vichy France, in a radio
broadcast, establishes a policy of "true reconciliation with

1945 Soviet troops began their attack on Berlin. 

1945 During World War II, Allied forces took control of the
German cities of Nuremberg and Stuttgart. 

1953 Operation Little Switch began in Korea. It was the
exchange of sick and wounded prisoners of war. Thirty
Americans were freed. 

1953 The Boston marathon was won by Keizo Yamada with a
record time of 2:18:51. 

1961 FM stereo broadcasting was approved by the FCC. 

1962 The New Orleans Citizens' Council offered a free one-
way ride for blacks to move to northern states. 

1967 U.S. planes bombed Haiphong for first time during the
Vietnam War. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the use of busing to
achieve racial desegregation in schools. 

1972 The manned lunar module from Apollo 16 landed on the

1977 Woody Allen's film "Annie Hall" premiered. 

1981 A spokesman for the U.S. Navy announced that the U.S.
was accepting full responsibility for the sinking of the
Nissho Maru on April 9. 

1984 Britain announced that its administration of Hong Kong
would cease in 1997. 

1985 In Madrid, Santiago Carillo was purged from the
Communist Party. Carillo was a founder of Eurocommunism. 

1987 In Argentina, President Raul Alfonsin quelled a
military revolt. 

1988 The U.S. Air Forces' Stealth (B-2 bomber) was
officially unveiled. 

1989 Scientist announced the successful testing of high-
definition TV. 

1991 Mikhail Gorbachev became the first Soviet head of state
to visit South Korea. 

1992 The worlds largest fair, Expo '92, opened in Seville,

1998 Kenyan runner Moses Tanui, 32, won the Boston Marathon
for the second time. He also registered the third fastest
time with 2 hours 7 minutes and 34 seconds.

2017  smiled.

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Wacky punctuation marks 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 19
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida waiter arrested for stealing $3,000 
diamond ring
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 19 in
1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor
and sank the Spanish fleet. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The past is not dead. In fact, it's not even past. --- William Faulkner (1897 - 1962) Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. --- Euripides ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an elderly Italian gentleman in the street who was wearing a black suit and asked him how often he had sexual intercourse. "Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled. "I thought you Italians were supposed to be more active than that!" she said. "We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car." ______________________________________________________ inbred pigeon ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wesley Aaron Dicus, 27, Pensacola, Floriduh Florida waiter arrested for stealing $3,000 diamond ring A Florida waiter is accused of stealing a $3,000 diamond ring that fell off a customer's finger. Pensacola police tell news outlets that 27-year-old Wesley Aaron Dicus was arrested Tuesday on charges of grand theft and dealing in stolen property. The Pensacola News Journal reports a 39-year-old woman told police she believed the ring slipped off when she put lotion on her hands. The ring was later identified on an online app called OfferUp. Police say detectives posing as a couple met with Dicus and he offered to sell it to them for $2,000. Police arrested him when the markings on the ring matched the woman's description. Dicus remains in jail on a $12,500 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doris Re: Wacky punctuation marks on web pages Dear Webby Dear Webby: Lately I have seen more and more web pages that have question marks and wacky symbols where one would expect a quote or double-quote mark or some other punctuation mark. I have also seen it in some of the blander blogs. I won't visit those again anyway, because of their lack of interesting content, but I am wondering if that is just sloppiness or some new trend. I have even seen it in some articles on anti-government on-line "papers" like CNN and NY-Times-online. What's the story behind that? Doris Dear Doris It's just sloppiness by people who don't know HTML, and who just quickly slobber their stuff into MS WORD and then save it as HTML. What is a real nuisance is that sometimes it looks OK, but sometimes it doesn't. You may have noticed in the Bonehead Awards, paragraphs that I copied form certain online newspapers, also have that problem. Usually I catch the stuff, but sometimes I don't notice the curly quotes and similar gibberish from yuppies pretending to be literate. Sorry about that! Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was suffering from a stomach ache, so he told his wife who suggested he try the tablets the Doctor had given her for a similar pain. After taking his wife's tablets for a week, the pain disappeared but he developed two rather tender lumps, one behind each ear. He went to his doctor, showed him the lumps, and explained what had happened. Whereby the Doctor called him all the fools under the sun, saying, "You bloody idiot! I was treating your wife for a fallen womb, God knows how I'm going to get your balls back down!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Money on Packed Lunches All four of my kids take packed lunches. To save money on the snacks that go in, I buy big bags of chips, cheeses, whatever, and bargain sandwich bags, then pack the snacks in them. Saves a lot over buying the individual snack packs that are made to fit into the lunches. I make my own peanut butter crackers too, with saltines or Ritz-type. It takes a few minutes extra in the morning, but it does save money. Marjorie
The strange case of twins
____________________________________________________ A solicitor for a charity made an appointment with the mayor to plead for a contribution. The man listened to her appeal in stony silence. Finally, she said, "Did you know, sir, that the equivalent of a dollar will feed a child in India for one month?" Still, there's no response, and the solicitor leaves. The next day, the mayor senr his three children to India. ___________________________________________________
This street art is a little different.
At one point during the little league game, the coach said to his young son, who was playing in the game, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire and call him nasty names. Do you understand all that?" Again, the little boy nodded yes. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 19

1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging
the south of England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop of
Canterbury in 1005. 

1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German
Protestants at Frankfurt, Germany. 

1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor
and sank the Spanish fleet. 

1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond

1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic
Sanction, which gave women the rights of succession to
Hapsburg possessions. 

1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies
from printing paper money. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales,
Australia. Cook originally named the land Point Hicks. 

1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at
Lexington, MA. 

1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 

1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 

1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American

1839 The Kingdom of Belgium was recognized by all the states
of Europe when the Treaty of London was signed. 

1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a
hot air balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 

1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and
nine civilians killed. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of
Confederate ports. 

1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by
Charles and Frank Duryea. 

1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the
first of its type in the U.S. 

1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai-

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a
proclamation that removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 

1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory over the
Communists in the Spanish Civil War. 

1939 Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S.
Constitution after 148 years. 

1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The
Jews were able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 

1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers"
speech before the U.S. Congress after being relieved by U.S.
President Truman. In the address General MacArthur said that
"Old soldiers never die, they just fade away." 

1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had
survived the atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during World
War II. 

1956 Actress Grace Kelly became Princess Grace of Monaco
when she married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. The civil
ceremony took place on April 18. 

1960 Baseball uniforms began displaying player's names on
their backs. 

1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos
back to the U.S. 

1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It
was the first space station. 

1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the

1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when
members of the New People's Army threw hand grenades into
the Roman Catholic cathedral during Easter services. 

1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business
traval to Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with
subversion in Central America. 

1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a
200-mph free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500
feet from the ground. 

1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was
captured and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego
Wild Animal Park. 

1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors
were killed. 

1989 In El Salvador, Attorney General Alvadora was killed by
a car bomb. 

1993 The Branch-Davidian’s compound in Waco, TX, burned to
the ground. It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the
cult and U.S. federal agents. 86 people were killed
including 17 children. Nine of the Branch Davidians escaped
the fire. 

1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King
for violation of his civil rights. 

1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City,
OK, was destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on
U.S. territory. 168 people were killed including 19
children, and 500 were injured. Timothy McVeigh was found
guilty of the bombing on June 2, 1997. 

1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro
democracy protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 

2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed
while preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 

2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were
killed when the ship was attacked by terrorists on October
12, 2000. The attack was blamed on Osama bin Laden's al-
Qaida network. 

2017  smiled.

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How to get rid of temp files and obsolete stuff 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 18
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police impersonator pulls over uniformed 
Miami-Dade police detective
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 18 in
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the
Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to
his excommunication.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. --- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .... mighty scarce. --- Mark Twain "True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Honey," said a husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that," said the husband. "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" the wife demanded. "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hmmm, interesting! Penguins are found in the Antarctic, not Arctic. Penguins can jump as high as 2 feet in the air. Penguins only have sex once a year. Is that because they walk like a punk with oversize pants haf-way down the hips, exposing rear cleavage ? ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marcos Pacheco-Bustamante 46, Miami-Dade, Floriduh Police impersonator pulls over uniformed Miami-Dade police detective A police impersonator chose the wrong person to mess with on Friday when he pulled over a Miami-Dade police detective, authorities said. According to an arrest report, the detective was driving north on Interstate 95 in a county-issued unmarked vehicle when he was pulled over shortly before 7:30 a.m. by Marcos Pacheco-Bustamante. Police said Pacheco-Bustamante, 46, of Miami, who was driving a Ford Crown Victoria, pulled up behind the detective's vehicle and activated police sirens, causing the detective to change lanes. Police said the suspect continued to follow the detective, so the detective pulled over to the shoulder of the road near Northwest 119th Street. The detective, who was in full uniform, got out of his vehicle and realized that he was dealing with a police impersonator, the report said. The detective arrested Pacheco-Bustamante and searched his vehicle, finding an H&K BB gun replica and a blue police light, authorities said. Pacheco-Bustamante was interviewed by detectives, who said he confessed to pulling over other drivers. Pacheco-Bustamante is being held at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center on a charge of impersonating a police officer. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Clean temp files and obsolete stuff Dear Webby Which of the hundreds of programs available for cleaning old temp files and other useless stuff is the most bang for the buck ? Thanks Rhonda Dear Rhonda Try CrapCleaner. It does the same as programs costing over $100, but it's free, fast, easy to use and reliable.. You can get it from They now have a Cloud version that lets you clean a whole bunch of computers with one click. Personally, I prefer the classic version and do one machine at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Now, I'm short and fat!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Pineapple Cream Cheese Frosting By lalala... [818 Posts, 103 Comments] This pineapple cream cheese frosting is a fun twist on traditional cream cheese frosting. Source: Recipe by Lady Behind the Curtain Ingredients: 8 oz cream cheese, softened 1/2 cup butter, softened 1/2 tsp vanilla 1/2 cup crushed pineapple, with juice 2 lb powdered sugar Steps: In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese and butter, creaming until fluffy. Add vanilla and pineapple, mixing well. Add powdered sugar, 1 cup at a time. Frost cupcakes and enjoy! NOTE: Store frosted cupcakes in the refrigerator, as this frosting is quite soft.
The strange case of twins
____________________________________________________ >From Robert: The doctor told me: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. ___________________________________________________
These cakes are too pretty to eat!
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 18
1521 Martin Luther confronted the emperor Charles V in the
Diet of Worms and refused to retract his views that led to
his excommunication. 

1676 Sudbury, Massachusetts, was attacked by Indians. 

1775 American revolutionaries Paul Revere, William Dawes and
Samuel Prescott rode though the towns of Massachusetts
giving the warning that the Regulars were coming out. Later,
the phrase "the British are coming" was attributed to Revere
even though it is unlikely he used that wording. 

1791 National Guardsmen prevented Louis XVI and his family
from leaving Paris. 

1818 A regiment of Indians and blacks were defeated at the
Battle of Suwann, in Florida, ending the first Seminole War.

1838 The Wilkes' expedition to the South Pole set sail. 

1846 The telegraph ticker was patented by R.E. House 

1847 U.S. troops defeated almost 17,000 Mexican soldiers
commanded by Santa Anna at Cerro Gordo. (Mexican-American

1853 The first train in Asia began running from Bombay to

1861 Colonel Robert E. Lee turned down an offer to command
the Union armies during the U.S. Civil War. 

1877 Charles Cros wrote a paper that described the process
of recording and reproducing sound. In France, Cros is
regarded as the inventor of the phonograph. In the U.S.,
Thomas Edison gets the credit. 

1895 New York State passed an act that established free
public baths. 

1906 San Francisco, CA, was hit with an earthquake. The
original death toll was cited at about 700. Later
information indicated that the death toll may have been 3 to
4 times the original estimate. 

1910 Walter R. Brookins made the first airplane flight at

1924 Simon and Schuster, Inc. published the first "Crossword
Puzzle Book." 

1934 The first Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, TX. 

1937 Leon Trotsky called for the overthrow of Soviet leader
Josef Stalin. 

1938 Superman made his debut when he appeared in the first
issue of Action Comics. (Cover date June 1938) 

1942 James H. Doolittle and his squadron, from the USS
Hornet, raided Tokyo and other Japanese cities. 

1942 The Vichy government capitulated to Adolf Hitler and
invited Pierre Laval to form a new government in France. 

1943 Traveling in a bomber, Japanese Admiral Isoroku
Yamamoto, was shot down by American P-38 fighters. 

1945 American war correspondent Ernie Pyle was killed by
Japanese gunfire on the Pacific island of Ie Shima, off
Okinawa. He was 44 years old. 

1949 The Republic of Ireland was established. 

1950 The first transatlantic jet passenger trip was

1954 Colonel Gamal Abdel Nasser seized power in Egypt. 

1956 Actress Grace Kelly and Prince Rainier of Monaco were
married. The religious ceremony took place April 19. 

1978 The U.S. Senate approved the transfer of the Panama
Canal to Panama on December 31, 1999. 

1980 Rhodesia became independent nation of Zimbabwe. 

1983 The U.S. Embassy in Beirut was blown up by a suicide
car-bomber. 63 people were killed including 17 Americans. 

1984 Daredevils Mike MacCarthy and Amanda Tucker made a sky
dive from the Eiffel Tower. The jump ended safely. 

1985 Ted Turner filed for a hostile takeover of CBS. 

1985 Tulane University abolished its 72-year-old basketball
program. The reason was charges of fixed games, drug abuse,
and payments to players. 

1989 Thousands of Chinese students demanding democracy tried
to storm Communist Party headquarters in Beijing. 

1999 Wayne Gretzky (New York Rangers) played his final game
in the NHL. He retired as the NHL's all-time leading scorer
and holder of 61 individual records. 

2002 Actor Robert Blake and his bodyguard were arrested in
connection with the shooting death of Blake's wife about a
year before. 

2002 The Amtrack Auto Train derailed in a remote area of
north Florida. Four people were killed and 133 were injured.

2002 The city legislature of Berlin decided to make Marlene
Dietrich an honorary citizen. Dietrich had gone to the
United States in 1930. She refused to return to Germany
after Adolf Hitler came to power. 

2017  smiled.

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Pranking telemarketers 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 17

Thank you, Francis!!

10 cm (4 inches) of snow again this morning.
Most of it was gone by evening.
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Robert Desmond Johnson arrested for giving his 
17 year old daughter pot brownies and having 
her sell them at a Floriduh High School.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 17 in
1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies 
by the American Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat. --- Katharine Whitehorn "The squeaky wheel doesn't always get greased; sometimes it gets replaced." ---John Peers ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What Is Easter? Three cheerleaders died in an accident trying to jump the Grand Canyon. They are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is - "What is Easter"? The first cheerleader replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when we all get together, eat turkey and are thankful." "Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St.Peter. Then he turns to the second cheerleader, and asks her the same question - "What is Easter?" The second cheerleader replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second cheerleader, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place; she is not welcome in Heaven. He then peers over his glasses at the third cheerleader and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is?" The third cheerleader smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third cheerleader continues ... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of hockey!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author. "No," his friend said, "it's was originally named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia." "Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?" "A check." "And is that the reason why they are now renaming this great Israeli institution to Bronfman Auditorium, after a Canadian?" "Yes." ______________________________________________________ It snowed again here ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Desmond Johnson, 38, Plam Bay, Floriduh Robert Desmond Johnson arrested for giving his 17 year old daughter pot brownies and having her sell them at a Floriduh High School. A father and daughter went to jail after selling pot brownies that sent two teenagers to the hospital last week, according to the Palm Bay Police Department. Robert Desmond Johnson, 38, of Palm Bay, and his 17-year-old old daughter were each charged Friday with delivery of a controlled substance within 1,000 feet of a school. Johnson was also charged with delivery of a controlled substance to a minor, possession of cannabis with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia. Police also charged a second teen with sale and delivery of marijuana and two teens with possession of marijuana. Thursday, a student became unconscious at Heritage High School and was taken to Palm Bay Community Hospital by ambulance, police said. That same day, some parents took their teen to the hospital for similar symptoms, the affidavit said. Police determined both boys had eaten brownies baked with marijuana. Johnson made the brownies and gave them to his daughter to sell to her friend who attends Heritage, police said. Officers arrived at Johnson's home Friday with a search warrant. They recovered more than 400 grams of marijuana in plastic bags and jars. Johnson told police he grows the marijuana in his garage, the affidavit states. Johnson posted $62,500 bail Sunday at the Brevard County Detention Center in Sharpes. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Louis Re: Telemarketer stop Dear Webby I have a better way to be rid of telemarketers than making them wait as you suggested in today's Tech Support Pit. As soon as you are assured that it is an unwanted call Just press ############## several times in succession. I don't know how or why it works but I NO LONGER get calls. I've been a fan of yours for over 10 years now and hope to be for another 10 years. Louis Beland Thanks Louis! When Barb was still working here, she used a little yellow ducky squeaky toy upside down on her desk. When she got a telemarketer, she whacked the little yellow ducky's squeaker with her phone. That seemed to work quite well too. Have FUN! DearWebby
Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not. The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note. Last Sunday the priest ended with... "Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?" It seems I got that one wrong!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Cat Repellents By pennyc218 [1 Comment] Put some of the peels of the citrus around your trees .
" target="_blank" >"> dog sings while playing piano
____________________________________________________ "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, it doesn't matter," explained the teacher, "you don't even know what it means." "I do, so!" Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start." ___________________________________________________
These cakes are too pretty to eat!
A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices that the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise down the highway. This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years. Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when we used to be like that young couple? Where did the love go, honey?" Her question was met with a few moments of pensive thought, while he looked at his gnarled hands on the steering wheel. Then he replied, "I don't know, but I haven't moved."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 17
1492 Christopher Columbus signed a contract with Spain to
find a passage to Asia and the Indies. 

1521 Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman
Catholic Church. 

1524 New York Harbor was discovered by Giovanni Verrazano. 

1629 Horses were first imported into the colonies by the
American Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1704 John Campbell published what would eventually become
the first successful American newspaper. It was known as the
Boston "News-Letter." 

1808 Bayonne Decree by Napoleon I of France ordered the
seizure of U.S. ships. 

1810 Pineapple cheese was patented by Lewis M. Norton. 

1824 Russia abandoned all North American claims south of 54'

1860 New Yorkers learned of a new law that required fire
escapes to be provided for tenement houses. 

1864 U.S. Civil War General Grant banned the trading of

1865 Mary Surratt was arrested as a conspirator in the
Lincoln assassination. 

1895 China and Japan signed the Treaty of Shimonoseki. It
was the end of the first Sino-Japanese War. In the treaty
China ceded Taiwan to Japan. 

1917 A bill in Congress to establish Daylight Saving Time
was defeated. It was passed a couple of months later. 

1941 Igor Sikorsky accomplished the first successful
helicopter lift-off from water near Stratford, CT. 

1941 The office of Price Administration was established in
the U.S. to handle rationing. 

1946 The last French troops left Syria. 

1961 About 1,400 U.S.-supported Cuban exiles invaded Cuba at
the Bay of Pigs in an attempt to overthrow Fidel Castro.
Promised US naval and airborne help did not materialize and
the invasion was unsuccessful. Survivors were sentenced to
30 years in jail.

1964 Jerrie Mock became first woman to fly an airplane solo
around the world. 

1964 The Ford Motor Company unveiled its new Mustang model. 

1967 The U.S. Supreme Court barred Muhammad Ali's request to
be blocked from induction into the U.S. Army. 

1969 In Los Angeles, Sirhan Sirhan was convicted of
assassinating U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy. 

1969 Czechoslovak Communist Party chairman Alexander Dubcek
was deposed. 

1970 Apollo 13 returned to Earth safely after an on-board
accident with an oxygen tank. 

1975 Khmer Rouge forces capture the capital of Cambodia,
Phnom Penh. It was the end of the five-year war. 

1983 In Warsaw, police routed 1,000 Solidarity supporters. 

1983 In New York, a transit strike that began on March 7

19840 In London, demonstrators outside the Libyan Embassy
were fired upon from someone inside. Eleven people were
injured and an English Police woman was killed. 

1985 In Lebanon, the cabinet resigned as Shiites took W.

1987 In Sri Lanka, Tamil guerrillas killed 122 people in a
road ambush. 

1989 In Poland, courts gave Solidarity legal status. 

1993 A federal jury in Los Angeles convicted two former
police officers of violating the civil rights of beaten
motorist Rodney King. Two other officers were acquitted. 

1996 Erik and Lyle Menendez were sentenced to life in prison
without parole for killing their parents. 

1999 In India, the government of Prime Minister Atal Bihari
Vajpayee collapsed after losing a vote of confidence. 

2002 At the National Maritime Museum in London, the exhibit
"Skin Deep A History of Tattooing" opened. 

2017  smiled.

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Hot Key Collection 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 13
It stopped snowing, and it started to melt. 
Typical April.

By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
to get more injections into my eyeballs. Barb, who used to
be my secretary, will be driving me, becasue after the
injections I can't see the road and traffic.
There won't be a Friday, Saturday or Sunday issue of the
Humor Letter. Sunday evening I will send out the Monday

That will give you time to print out yesterday's Hot Key
cheat sheet, and the one from today. That one is a repeat,
but quite a few subscriber asked to see it again.
Some people write those Hot Keys on a narrow masking tape
and stick that to the monitor frame.

In the good old days, when keyboards had the function keys
on the left, where God had intended them to be for getting
work done much faster, we had space above the regular keys,
where they put the functions keys now. In those days the
bigger programs like Word Perfect, Word Star, Quattro, Word,
etc. had cardboard strips with the hot keys printed on them
to lay up above the regular keys. You can still make one of
those, and just glue it onto the narrow free strip above the
functon keys.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas massage parlor busted when hundreds of 
condoms destroy industrial waste disposal unit
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 13 in
1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to
South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and
Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country other
than Britain and Ireland. It did not go over well.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. --- Socratex The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The average man's life consists of: twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering, too! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $40 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, height="26" border="0"> Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for reporting these boneheads. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Wang and Joseph Emery Austin, Texas 'Hundreds of condoms' destroy pipe, police raid Texas massage parlor A husband and wife accused of operating an Austin prostitution ring are facing felony charges following an investigation that began when police discovered a waste pipe connected to the business was clogged with "hundreds of condoms," according to records. Juan Wang and her husband, Joseph Emery, the owners of Jade Massage Therapy LLC, each face a charge of engaging in organized criminal activity. Neither suspect was listed as an inmate at the Travis County Jail on Tuesday afternoon. The investigation into the massage parlor began Feb. 7, when the property manager for the Jade Massage location in the 11400 block of North Ranch Road called police to express her suspicion that prostitution was happening at the business. She "became aware of a problem when an industrial waste disposal unit connecting the property to city sewer services became clogged and destroyed by hundreds of condoms," affidavits for Wang and Emery state. The property manager's tip was the second complaint of possible prostitution at Jade Massage that police had received in three months. After the discovery of the destroyed pipes, police searched, which often solicits prostitution services, for advertisements for the business. They found several. Advertisements for Jade Massage were posted on as often as two to three times per day, the affidavits state. In the following weeks, police staked out Jade Massage's second location in the 9100 block of Anderson Mill Road. Officers pulled over a couple of suspected john's who had gone into the massage parlor, who allegedly both admitted that they had paid for sexual services during their time inside. On March 22, members of the Austin Police Department Human Trafficking Unit and members of the Criminal Conspiracy Unit executed search warrants at the Alameda Trace Circle location. Inside, Wang was found inside a room with a nude man, and another woman was found inside a different room with another nude male, the affidavit states. Police simultaneously executed a search warrant at Wang and Emery's home and discovered over $65,000 in a safe. Further investigation into the couple revealed Wang had been stopped Feb. 5 at Austin Bergstrom International Airport by a TSA agent who found $30,000 in "duct taped bundles" of cash in her possession. She claimed the money was earned from her massage business and that she was taking it with her to China to pay for a medical procedure. She was allowed to pass through with the money, but only after the agent called Emery to verify her story. Both Wang and Emery would later tell police that they didn't know the names of their employees, who were all located and recruited by a "friend." Ledgers for Jade Massage showed no payments to the women, but they did show that Jade Massage's customers, almost all of whom were men, regularly tipped the masseues between $40 and $120 on top of a $60 house charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Connie Re: Old Keyboard shortcuts Dear Webby Yes, I remember seeing your standard keyboard shortcuts, but thought I would remember each of them. Guess what? I didn't. Can you show them again, please? Connie Dear Connie You are not the only one requesting those. So here they are: The F Keys (Function Keys) have gone more and more out of style ever since some dingbats decided to put them on top, instead of on the left side where God intended them to be for maximum productivity, just so that they can make cubicles narrower. The only common ones that are still surviving are these: F1 is HELP CTRL and F4 together closes a window ALT and F4 together closes a program CTRL and A together selects everything in the open window CTRL and C together copies what you have selected CTRL and V together pastes what you have copied CTRL and INSERT together copies what you have selected SHIFT and INSERT together pastes what you have slected SHIFT and DELETE together copies AND cuts what you have selected CTRL and Z reverses the last action if it was a write or delete, that is the UNdo key CTRL S saves the file you are working on CTRL and ALT and DELETE brings up the System Manager. You use that for changing your password. ALT and the SPACE BAR together open the menu of the program you are in, or Launchy, if you are using it. CTRL and F together is the search for a word in the open window. Some programs use some of the other F keys as well, but not in a world wide consistent manner. The ones I listed are the only ones you need to remember nowadays. There are also some Windows specific keys that use a combination of the Windows key and a letter. The "Windows Key" is the one on the bottom row, that has the Microsoft flag on it. To save space here I'll use *W* for the Windows key *W* Opens the start menu *W* and D minimizes open programs *W* and E opens Explorer at the top, not at some silly location *W* and F opens the file search (computer, not word search in the document you are in) *W* and L careful with this one, it has to do with logging OFF or locking your computer *W* and M "Boss-Alert" key. Closes open windows, but hitting *W* M again does not pop them open again like *W* D does. *W* and R opens the RUN box. *W* R calc opens the calculator *W* and U opens the Utility manager for stuff like the narrator, magnifier, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jane's mother-in-law asked Bob to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. He went and looked around and couldn't find any. So he grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at him and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making Small Amounts of Homemade Bisquick Making Small Amounts of Homemade Bisquick By Judy Pariser S. [133 Posts, 132 Comments] I like to make my own Bisquick because it is more economical, and I can't always use an entire box before the expiration date. A lot of the recipes to make it at home make very large quantities. I was really happy to find this recipe. It makes 1 and 1/2 cups. Total Time: 5 minutes Yield: 1 1/2 cups Ingredients: 1 1/4 cup flour (I used half whole wheat, half all-purpose) 2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 cup oil or shortening Steps: Mix all ingredients together. Any leftovers can be stored in the refrigerator or freezer. Source: The Tightwad Gazette
" target="_blank" >"> dog sings while playing piano
____________________________________________________ The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enough of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last 10 years, energy pills for years, and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce?" She smiled slyly and replied, "The pharmacist, silly." ___________________________________________________
13 of the most isolated places on the planet.
A man entered a barbershop and said: "I am tired of looking like everyone else! I want a change! Part my hair from ear to ear!" "Are you sure?" "Yes! said the man. The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left the shop. Three hours passed and the man reentered the shop. "Put it back the way it was," he said. "What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired of being a nonconformist already?" "No," he replied, "I'm tired of people whispering at my nose!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 13
1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes
which granted political rights to French Protestant

1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of

1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to
South Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and
Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country other
than Britain and Ireland. It did not go over well.

1796 The first known elephant to arrive in the United States
from Bengal, India. 

1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance. 

1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to

1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 

1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a
westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph,

1861 After 34 hours of shelling, the Union-held Fort Sumter
surrenders to Confederates. 

1916 The first hybrid seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a
bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 

1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by
Lord Clydesdale. 

1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 

1945 After WWII Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 

1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone
was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 

1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting
for Communists. 

1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into
Earth's orbit. 

1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to

1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced
price increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been
applying pressure against the price increases. 

1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a
planned moon landing. 

1976 The U.S. Federal Reserve introduced $2 bicentennial

1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after
101 hours. 

1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El
Salvador without congressional approval. 

1984 Christopher Walker was killed in a fight with police in
New Hampshire. Walker was wanted as a suspect in the
kidnappings of 11 young women in several states. 

1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World
War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in
the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously blamed the
massacre on the Nazis. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica announced a $62.5 billion
merger, creating the country's first coast-to-coast bank. 

1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural
birth to a healthy baby lamb. 

1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to
25 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas
Youk. Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on
"60 Minutes" in 1998. 

2000 It was announced that 69 people had died when the
Arlahada, a Philippine ferry, capsized. 70 people were

2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were
wounded when grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic
guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 

2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned
a day after taking office. Thousands of people protested
against the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 

2007 Google announced that it had acquired the advertising
service company DoubleClick for $3.1 billion. 

2017  smiled.

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Hot Keys for browsing 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, April 12

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Australian Rapper Terry Peck skipped out on 
$621 food and booze bill

Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 12 in
1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess (1917 - 1993) Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again. --- Mike Myers _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Olga and Cherie had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Cherie glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A railway inspector in Arkansas was making the rounds of a railway station and yard in a small town. He located Hank, a man who had worked in the rail yard for almost forty years. He questioned Hank about various safety considerations and seemed to be satisfied that Hank was genuinely knowledgeable about railway safety. As a last question, he asked Hank what he would do if he saw two trains approaching each other, on the same track, travelling at speeds of 60 miles per hour? Hank said "I'd yell R.T." The railway inspector, puzzled by this, asked, "What's an R.T. ?" Hank said, "R.T.'s my buddy and he's got one of them deegital cameras!" ______________________________________________________ It Snowed Again Last Night ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terry Peck, 33, Southport, Gold Coast, Australia Australian Rapper Terry Peck skipped out on $621 food and booze bill An aspiring rapper gorged himself on seafood and alcohol at a Gold Coast restaurant and then fled into the surf without paying his $621 bill, a Queensland court has heard. Terry Peck, 33, allegedly devoured two lobsters, 17 oyster shooters, a baby octopus, and several beers at Main Beach's Omeros Bros Restaurant, all by himself, because his fan did not want to be seen with him, before making his getaway. The staff from Main Beach restaurant took off in hot pursuit. Peck, who goes by the name 2pec, ran onto the beach and into the surf, and efforts to cajole him back to shore were unsuccessful. Two police jumped on a lifeguard's jet ski, caught and tenderized him and handcuffed him right in the ocean before towing him to the beach. Peck was charged with stealing and two counts of serious assault of a police officer, and appeared in the Southport Magistrates Court today. The court heard Peck allegedly committed the offences while on parole after being released from prison in February. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mina Re: Keyboard shortcuts Dear Webby I got all your old keyboard shortcuts and love them. Do you have any new ones? Mina Dear Mina Yes, there are some that are not in my old list of keyboard shortcuts. They are for browsing and work on most browsers. I use Chrome, except for posting on forums and for shopping, where Chrome fails when you try to preview. For that you have to use FireFox. They still have not fixed that Chrome bug. OK, here is the most important shortcut, that you can't replace by mousing around: CTRL T If you restart because of some silly updates or because your 147 open tabs got the memory all bunged up, the browser may or may not open with all your tabs. Sometimes it may briefly ask if you want it to restore all the old tabs. If you don't get your curser onto that little pop-up within 1.5 seconds, you are stuck with a browser, that has forgotten all your 147 tabs. Even worse, if you had 3 browser windows, each with lots of open tabs! Now what? CTRL T restores one browser window with all it's tabs. While you got your paws on the keyboard, hit it again! CTRL T and the next window is restored CTRL T again, and the third window is restored! If you accidentally closed a tab, and just as it cloed you spotted something interesting? CTRL SHIFT T re-opens it. Got CTRL T firmly scratched into the monitor frame? If you keep a whole bunch of tabs open, then you really should get the ONE-TAB browser extension. It is like a manageable history. ALT SHIFT Z closes a tab and puts it into the ONE-TAB list. You can re-open it at any time. You can even change ALT SHIFT Z to whatever is most comfortable for your hand. Isn't that downright civilized? Also very handy is the space bar when you are reading a long article. It scrolls you down one paragraph. You probably know about CTRL D for bookmarking a page and putting it into the chaos, where you can never find anything. If you ever want to make the bookmarks usable, export them and put them into a spreadsheet. Add a new column on the left and put rating numbers or category codes into that column. Yes, I know, the exporting from Chrome rather lame. You can't export in CSV format, just in HTML, but most modern spreadsheets can handle that. After you have your bookmarks in a spreadsheet, dump the ones in the browser and start fresh. That way you can simply add the fresh ones once a month or year to the spreadsheet. In the spreadsheet, of course, you can sort them any way you want and re-sort differently in a second. Next one is CTRL K If you want to search for purple peale eaters, hit CTRL K and the search bar opens, start typing your search phrase and hit ENTER. CTL L gets the cursor to the URL line, ready to type in the domain name of your choice. Overloaded your memory yet? Say you want to go to the 7th tab. CTRL 7 CTRL and the number of the tab you want, jumps you there. OK, OK, I'll quit in a moment. One more important shortcut. Lets say you want slightly bigger fonts: CTRL + Smaller: CTRL - There are a few more, but these are the most important ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
>Thanks to Cookie for these daffinitions: BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who to blame for it. SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.) SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". SINBAD. Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate. STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all' not 'reply'.) See also CLM CLM - Career Limiting Move: Telling a racy joke about the boss to someone on the phone, without first checking to see if the boss is visiting the cubicle on the other side of the paper wall. BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am. BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from. BOBFOC. Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crime watch. GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing. MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in. MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead. PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Garlic Bread Recipes By katrine2706 [85 Posts, 33 Comments] Garlic bread is my favorite. I love the aroma and the rich flavor of garlic. But it is not always available in most bakeries here in my province so I make my own simple garlic bread recipe at home. Garlic breads are also often sprinkled with garlic powder but in my recipe I chose to use real garlic clove as it adds more aroma and flavor plus I don't have to buy the powder which costs $1.46 while the garlic clove is only $.10. That means it is another big savings for a thrifty mom like me. Ingredients: sliced bread 1 Tbsp salted butter 1 tsp grated garlic Steps: Melt butter in a saucer. Stir in the grated garlic clove until distributed. Brush the mixture all over the sliced bread. You can use unsalted butter if you wish but salted butter works well for me because I don't have to garnish my bread with salt. Bake/toast in 180 C for 10 minutes. Serve hot! Traditional Garlic Bread uses Italian or French bread, that you slice yourself, thick. Because gluten and me don't get along anymore, I had to step back from those nicely crusty breads. You can use "Texas Toast" bread. It is similar, cut thick, and has a LOT less gluten. The end result tastes almost exactly the same, but no Gluten hassle Have FUN! DearWebby
____________________________________________________ Despite his best sales pitch, a life insurance salesman was unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy. "I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he announced, standing up to leave. "Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning, let me know what you think." ___________________________________________________
A couple of the 200 caves in Brazil.
Government organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around, some simply just idling. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but "a*******." (you can fill in the blank).
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 12
1096 Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 

1204 The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 

1606 England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 

1782 The British navy won its only naval engagement against
the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of
Saints, off Dominica. 

1799 Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 

1811 The first colonists arrived at Cape Disappointment,

1833 Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 

1861 Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting
America's Civil War. 

1864 Confederate Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort
Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops

1877 A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the
first time by James Alexander Tyng. 

1892 Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the
U.S. to use voting machines. 

1911 Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London-Paris
flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 

1916 American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed
at Parrel, Mexico. 

1927 The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting

1938 The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a
marriage license was enacted in New York. 

1944 The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin the
strategic bombing of Japan. 

1945 In New York, the organization of the first eye bank,
the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 

1945 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt died in Warm
Spring, GA. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of
63. Harry S Truman became president. 

1955 The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation
Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk
was "safe, effective and potent." 

1961 Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to
orbit the Earth. 

1963 Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil
rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 

1981 The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape
Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 

1982 The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around the
Falkland Islands. 

1983 Harold Washington was elected the first black mayor of

1984 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the
first satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max
satellite to space. 

1984 Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the
previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers
were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 

1985 U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator
to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from
Cape Canaveral, FL. 

1985 In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base
killed 17 people. 

1985 Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the
Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not
unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been
surgically implanted. 

1987 Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to
settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 

1988 Harvard University won a patent for a genetically
altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 

1988 The Chinese government named a new array of younger
leaders to ensure economic reform. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first
time since World War II. The rationing was prompted by a
sugar shortage. 

1993 NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and

2000 More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in
Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful"
heroin ring. 

2000 Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree
murder and was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had
repeatedly run over Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998
with his car after the two had an argument. 

2000 Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight
Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without a

2002 It was announced that the South African version of
"Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that was

2002 JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell
to start the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as
part of the company's centennial celebrations. James Cash
(J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store on April 14,

2017  smiled.

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Bent e from Europe 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, April 11

Dear Carol
You ARE receiving your subscription.
AOL is  censoring and hiding it.
Once your subscription has entered the AOL server, there is
nothing more that I can do about it.
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Primary school teacher poses as a 13 year old boy 
online and easily gets teenage girls to send him 
naked pictures of themselves. He got the pix and 
just got himself 6 years.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 11 in
1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on
March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to
hostilities with Great Britain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "The spirit in which a thing is given determines how the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed." --- Seneca the Younger _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc,it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried we still couldn't get that damn jar open!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hiram lay breathing his last. He rose on one elbow and told the bedside gathering his last wishes, then began recounting financial matters. "Don't forget Samuel owes me $7,000." His wife, Miriam, said, "What a mind the man has, clear as a bell to the very end." "And I owe my partner Sid $210,000 for..." At that point, his wife cut in, "Pay no attention to the poor man's ravings, he's obviously out of his head." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Taylor, 27, Barnet, north London, England, UK Primary school teacher poses as a 13 year old boy online and easily gets teenage girls to send him naked pictures of themselves. He got the pix and just got himself 6 years. The court heard how Taylor, who taught at a south Hertfordshire school, pretended to be a 13 year-old boy on Instagram to befriend the girls, aged between 10 and 15. He then coerced them into sending naked pictures of themselves, which he forwarded to other children, the court heard. Nicholas Taylor, 27, of Barnet, north London, threatened to kill himself if they did not comply, a jury heard. St Albans Crown Court was told that Taylor also forwarded pictures on to other children and girl guides - where he was a leader. Judge Jonathan Carroll described him as every parent's "worst nightmare". The court heard how Taylor, who taught at a south Hertfordshire school, pretended to be a 13 year-old boy on Instagram to befriend the girls, aged between 10 and 15. At an earlier hearing, Taylor pleaded guilty to six counts of inciting a child to engage in sexual activity, two counts of making indecent photographs of a child and one count distributing indecent photographs of a child. He was also made subject to a lifetime sexual harm prevention order. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Euro vis "bent e" Dear Webby On items from Europe I see a symbol that looks like a slightly bent "e", but the same size as a CAP letter. Is that a lazy form for the Euro symbol, or what is it? Ron Dear Ron What you call "bent e" is the "Estimated" symbol. It's a ROUND, not oval "e" with a thin crossbar, straight vertical insides and often the open end appears skimpy or kicked in. An example of it's use would be a package of Lasagna noodles. They are not going to file down a noodle to make the weight of the package exact, and they are not going to throw in a splinter of a noodle for that either. If you read "e 1 kg" then that means that at packing time the noodles weighed approximately 1 Kilogram +/- one noodle. By the time you get them, they will have dried down 10% or more anyway, so that is close enough for Europe. Because Europeans are used to the Estimated sign, never use a small e instead of the Euro sign. It would confuse them to no end. "What does he mean, Estimated 4.95 ? For the Euro, just write it out if your fonts don't have the Euro sign. Have FUN! DearWebby
A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now, the preacher knew the mayor, and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and then you can just change tea lights each time you want to have candlelight. By QueenBeeCrafts In case you don't know what a "Tea Light" is, it's those small candles in aluminum foil cups that you see in some restaurants to keep food warm, while it is sitting on the table or on a serving cart. They cost about a dollar for a bag of ten at restaurant suply stores, and about $5 for a bag with 100 of them in it. If you have a choice, get the ones that have a foil covered cork float for holding the wick up. Those you can replenish with melted candle drippings and stubs. If you like the soft glow of a pillar candle with the flame deep down in the crater, make sure you drill an air hole upwards to where the tea light sits. You get a much steadier flame, and you avoid melting down the shell. I have seen fancy and elaborately decorated "Pilgrimage" candles that were two, - maybe three, generations old, and still in fine shape because of an air hole to keep them cool. To reach down and light the wick, use a piece of spaghetti, not a butane BBQ lighter. Have FUN! DerWebby
Turkish man trolls ice cream
____________________________________________________ I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and tired of him. ___________________________________________________
A Frank Lloyd Wright one of a kind house is up for sale.
A man was sleeping when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up! Someone is breaking in!" The man had gone through this almost every night for 20 years, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. This time, however, there was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house. As the thief was about to leave the man said, "You have to go and meet my wife." The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?" The man explained, "Well, she's been expecting you for twenty years."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 11
1512 The forces of the Holy League were heavily defeated by
the French at the Battle of Ravenna. 

1689 William III and Mary II were crowned as joint sovereigns
of Britain. 

1713 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed, ending the War of
Spanish Succession. 

1783 After receiving a copy of the provisional treaty on
March 13, the U.S. Congress proclaimed a formal end to
hostilities with Great Britain. 

1803 A twin-screw propeller steamboat was patented by John

1814 Napoleon was forced to abdicate his throne. The allied
European nations had marched into Paris on March 30, 1814. He
was banished to the island of Elba. 

1876 The stenotype was patented by John C. Zachos. 

1876 The Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was

1895 Anaheim, CA, completed its new electric light system. 

1898 U.S. President William McKinley asked Congress for a
declaration of war with Spain. 

1899 The treaty ending the Spanish-American War was declared
in effect. 

1921 Iowa became the first state to impose a cigarette tax. 

1921 The first live sports event on radio took place this day
on KDKA Radio. The event was a boxing match between Johnny
Ray and Johnny Dundee. 

1901 Construction on the Empire State Building was completed.
The building was dedicated and opened on May 1, 1931. 

1940 Andrew Ponzi set a world's record in a New York pocket
billiards tournament when he ran 127 balls straight. 

1941 German bombers blitzed Conventry, England. 

1951 U.S. President Truman fired General Douglas MacArthur as
head of United Nations forces in Korea. 

1961 Israel began the trial of Adolf Eichman, accused of
World War II war crimes. 

1970 Apollo 13 blasted off on a mission to the moon that was
disrupted when an explosion crippled the spacecraft. The
astronauts did return safely. 

1981 In the Brixton area of London, a race riot erupted that
resulted in the injury of more than 300 people. 

1984 China invaded Vietnam. 

1985 Scientists in Hawaii measured the distance between the
earth and moon within one inch. 

1986 Dodge Morgan sailed solo nonstop around the world in 150

1999 Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president of Niger.
President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara had been assassinated on
April 9. 

2001 China agreed to release 24 crewmembers of a U.S.
surveillance plane. The EP-3E Navy crew had been held since
April 1 on Hainon, where the plane had made an emergency
landing after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter
jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. 

2007 Apple announced that the iTunes Store had sold more than
two million movies. 

2017  smiled.

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How to block mail from Ex 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, April 10

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Girl Reports Escaping Kidnapper By Jumping 
From Truck Onto Highway
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 10 in
1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S.
President George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790
into law. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. --- Gore Vidal (1925 - ) Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) The easiest way for your children to learn about money, is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn _______________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item. Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $1-3 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "there is a market for cheap wine",said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing. She said: "But the right name is important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity are: 10. Chateau Traileur Parc 9. White Trashfindel 8. Big Red Gulp 7. World Championship Riesling 6. NASCARbernet 5. Chef Boyardeaux 4. Peanut Noir 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. Grape Expectations And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine: 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel). ______________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist up, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs clothes!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up the money, the dice, and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Lee Marble, 50, Napa, California Girl Reports Escaping Kidnapper By Jumping From Truck Onto Highway A California man is facing kidnapping charges after authorities say a 13-year-old runaway jumped out of his moving truck and onto a highway, prompting him to call 911. Timothy Marble, 50, of Napa, reported the girl’s escape about 5:40 a.m. Saturday after he said she fled his vehicle and refused to come out of some bushes, the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office said. Once deputies arrived at the scene in Bodega Bay, the girl emerged covered in road rash. She accused Marble of sexually abusing her, injecting her with meth and scratching his name into her leg with a knife. “His name was still visible for the detectives,” the sheriff’s office said in a release. The child said she met Marble at a Napa gas station early Friday morning after running away from home following an argument with her mother Thursday night. Marble allegedly offered to give her a ride. After accepting the lift but refusing his sexual advances, she reported, he tied her to a tree and sexually assaulted her, the sheriff’s office said. Over the next 24 hours, she told officers, he continued the assaults inside his truck and forced her to take drugs. Deputies took her to a hospital, where she was reunited with her mother. “He has a different side of it, but there’s definitely probable cause in making the arrest,” Sheriff’s Sgt. Spencer Crum told the San Francisco Chronicle. “His accounts of the event differed somewhat. Some corroboration and some distortion.” Marble, who authorities said is a convicted felon with a rap sheet that includes drug charges, was arrested and faces 11 felony counts of sexual acts with a minor, kidnapping and child abuse. He is being held without bail with no attorney listed. Authorities said this is his first sexual assault charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glennis Re: How to block mail from an ex Dear Webby I can't change my email address because of my business, but I need to block mail from my ex. His mails are polite and friendly, not of a harassing type, but I just don't want any more mail from him. He forges different sender addresses, so it's not easy to avoid his mails. What do you suggest? Glennis Dear Glennis Just get MailWasher, from the side menu. Then look at a few of his mails and find something that is common to all of them. With MailWasher you can easily peek at the hidden header stuff, and even if you don't find anything common in the message body, you will easily find something that shows up in all of his letters, but not in legitimate mail. Then make a filter that is triggered by that. Making filters is childishly easy with MailWasher Pro, even fun. Set the filter to delete his mails automatically, without showing them, and you won't ever see them again. With the filters you can have them triggered by many different items. If any of ten different traps recognizes him, his mail gets nuked. To fine tune your filter, you can set it so that it just flags his mail for deletion. That way, if somebody else also uses one of the trigger phrases, you can modify the filter. MailWasher conveniently tells you which of your filters has flagged a piece of mail. Have FUN! DearWebby
According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. Women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Crockpot Chicken with Gravy Recipe Total Time: About 5 minutes prep Yield: Serves around 7 or 8 Source: A busy Mom's desperate mind! :) Ingredients: 1 average sized chicken 1/4 cup mesquite seasoning 2/3 cup water 3 Tbsp Cornstarch Steps: Place your chicken in your crockpot. Rub all over with 1/4 cup mesquite seasoning. You may wish to try another, lemon pepper would be great too! :) Believe it or not, you do not need any liquid, it makes it own. It is very tender and moist when done! Cook on high for about 3 hours and 20 minutes. Place your chicken on a serving platter and set in microwave to keep warm till your gravy is done. *You do NOT need to turn microwave on, door being shut will do the trick.:) Using a mesh colander, strain the drippings from the bottom of the crockpot. You just want to remove the solid bits. Pour your strained drippings into a saucepan. Add 3 Tablespoons of cornstarch to 2/3 Cup of cold water and shake well. Add this to your pan. Cook on high whisking constantly for only 2 or 3 minutes. All done!! You will end up with about 2 cups gravy. * You could probably cook this longer on a low setting if you must be gone all day.
daddy-daughter, Tonight You Belong to Me
____________________________________________________ >from Ed The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. ___________________________________________________
Winners of the Smithsonians 14th annual photo contest.
A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 10
1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces
at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 

1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S.
President George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790
into law. 

1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered

1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the
British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication and
exile to Elba. 

1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 

1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights
for $100. 

1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in south
Africa was proclaimed. 

1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in
Georgia along the Tybee River. 

1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender.

1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England. 

1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was
killed by government troops. 

1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to
discuss the reconstruction of Europe after World War I. 

1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby" for the
first time. 

1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 

1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany
with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 13
million votes. 

1938 Germany annexed Austria after Austrians had voted in a
referundum to merge with Germany. 

1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to
prevent Nazi infiltration. 

1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to
recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative for
its workers. 

1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 

1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers
near Berlin. 

1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first
3-D movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio. 

1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko

1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS
Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 

1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland
with General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 

1971 The American table tennis team arrived in China. They
were the first group of Americans officially allowed into
China since the founding of the People Republic in 1949. The
team had recieved the surprise invitation while in Japan for
the 31st World Table Tennis Championship. 

1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000

1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other
nations in signing an agreement banning biological warfare. 

1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed
while attempting to land at Basel. 

1974 Yitzhak Rabin replaced resigning Israeli Prime Minister,
Golda Meir. Meir resigned over differences within her Labor

1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between
Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 

1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to
the British Parliament. 

1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan

1988 On Wall Street, 48 million shares of Navistar
International stock changed hands in a single-block trade. It
was the largest transaction ever executed on the New York
Stock Exchange. 

1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by
Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut. 

1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The
bomb, set off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three
people and injured 91. 

1992 Outside Needles, CA, comedian Sam Kinison was killed
when a pickup truck slammed into his car on a desert road
between Los Angeles and Las Vegas. 

1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was

1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time
on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town
of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have
outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their late

1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British
ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 

2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted
suicide for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 

2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's
Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional
appointees and assumed all governance in the country. 

2017  smiled.

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XSS-Protection error in Chrome 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 9

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man posing as crew member busted at JFK Airport 
with $85K worth of cocaine in suitcase
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 9 in
1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E.
Lee surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General
Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home.
Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and
permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though
there were still Confederate armies in the field, the war
was officially over. The four years of fighting had killed
360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco (1932 - ) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tommy was able to get rid of one of those telephone marketers. The marketer called and was in the middle of giving her spiel about saving money on long-distance. Tommy interrupted her, "Ma'am, I don't need your long distance service because I don't have a telephone." Must have caught her off guard because she said, "Oh, I'm sorry to have bothered you." ------- I have used that too. Telemarketers are usually too stupid to catch on. My main retort, though, is that I can't hear them and that they should email me. MailWasher takes care of them quite nicely, IF, that is IF, they are schmart enough to use email. ______________________________________________________ "Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild." "I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!" "That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite THAT much," says John. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mario Hudson, in jail in NY Man posing as crew member busted at JFK Airport with $85K worth of cocaine in suitcase The traveler may have been inspired by Leonardo DiCaprio in ‘Catch Me if You Can’, but fortunately U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at New York’s John F. Kennedy International Airport have seen this movie before. CBP officers intercepted passenger Mario Hudson, a citizen of Jamaica, on March 27, as he was arriving from Kingston, Jamaica. Hudson was dressed in what appeared to be a pilot’s uniform and claimed he was a “dead-heading crew member.” During the baggage inspection, CBP officers discovered that Hudson had what appeared to be two fraudulent Delta Airlines ID badges. During the examination of Hudson’s luggage, CBP officers noticed that the sides and bottom appeared to be unusually thick and heavy. Hudson was escorted to a private search room where his suitcase was probed revealing a white powder that tested positive for cocaine. Hudson was arrested for the import of a controlled substance and was turned over to Homeland Security Investigations. The total weight of cocaine seized was approximately five pounds with an estimated street value of $85,000. Hudson faces federal narcotics smuggling charges and will be prosecuted by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the U.S. Eastern District Court of New York. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brent Re: XSS-Protection error in Chrome Dear Webby What is this XSS-Protection error in Chrome, that pops up when I try to post on a forum or sometimes when I try to do some shopping? It is totally unpredictable, and after filling out a big shopping cart, it dumps the whole thing, irretrievably! How do I get rid of that or fix it? Brent Dear Brent It is a bug in Chrome version 57. Version 58 beta apparently still has the bug too. XSS auditor has been around for a decade, and until version 57, Chrome handled it correctly, then they scrwd it up, but don't know how. There is no practical method yet to get around the bug. Theoretically, you could dump all your tabs, close Chrome, and start it with a command line directive to not use XSS auditor, but that is quite useless, even if it did work, since it too dumps your shoping cart. About all you can do is use FireFox for those sites, where Chrome messes up. FireFox handles XSS auditor correctly. Have FUN! DearWebby
A businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "I'll rent you my 50% and retire on the proceeds."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Removing Ball Point Pen From Leather Try hairspray! I had a blue pen and the ink went on my fingers. I went to push the stool in and it went on the stool. I tried Jif, bleach and alcohol, they all didn't work. When it came to hairspray, it came straight off with just one wipe down. So if you have any leather that has been marked with ink, don't stop and think that it's a scar for life. Let me tell you that hairspray was the best product I ever used! By Olivia from Bexley, NSW My children's school work got wet and the ink transferred to my light beige leather car seats. I could read the school work on my seats. I went to this site quickly before I left for work. I grabbed a few items suggested: alcohol, hairspray, soap and worked on the spots at red lights. Nothing worked. I went into work and someone told me about Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It's by the cleaning products in the store. It worked! No fading. I even tried it on a old rust spot on my sink I could never get out, and it worked. I had to submit this today. By Ami from Shorewood, IL
10 scariest roller coasters
____________________________________________________ >From Ginny Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men said that would cost an additional $45 service fee, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $45. ___________________________________________________
The most expensive fruit in the world.
A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 9
0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius
Seversus was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum. 

0715 Constantine ended his reign as Catholic Pope. 

1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the
Poles and the Germans. 

1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed a
peace agreement at Lodi, Italy. 

1667 In Paris, The first public art exhibition was held at
the Palais-Royale. 

1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River and
all lands that touch it for France. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the
Australian continent. 

1833 Peterborough, NH, opened the first municipally
supported public library in the United States. 

1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E.
Lee surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General
Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home.
Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and
permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though
there were still Confederate armies in the field, the war
was officially over. The four years of fighting had killed
360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops. 

1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that
purchased the territory of Alaska by one vote. 

1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 

1870 The American Anti-Slavery Society was dissolved. 

1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk. 

1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South

1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in
Duluth, MN. 

1914 In London, the first full-color film, "The World, The
Flesh & the Devil," was shown. 

1916 The German army launched it’s third offensive during
the Battle of Verdun. 

1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began a
massive assault on Vimy Ridge. 

1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence. 

1921 The Russo-Polish conflict ended with signing of Riga

1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the production
of "Diamond Lil." 

1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark. 

1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces
were overwhelmed by the Japanese Army. 

1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360
people. The ship was carrying aerial bombs. 

1947 169 people were killed and 1,300 were injured by a
series of tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. 

1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping. 

1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first seven

1963 Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S.

1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use. 

1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests
for peaceful use. 

1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk a
small Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. The Nissho
Maru's captain and first mate died. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight.

1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support
for guerilla raids illegal. 

1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy
foreign products. 

1987 Dikye Baggett became the first person to undergo
corrective surgery for Parkinson’s disease. 

1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama. 

1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet

1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in
support of the right to abortion. 

1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R. 

1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in
Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. 

1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, Saudi
Arabia, on last day of the haj pilgrimage. 

1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara was
assassinated. Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president
two days later. 

2017  smiled.

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Hot hard drive 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, April 8

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida teacher let boy, 14, 
drive her to Waffle House.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 8 in
1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic
Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the
first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a
Protestant state. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. --- Robert Byrne This is one of those views which are so absolutely absurd that only very learned men could possibly adopt them. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "NEXT," the conference emcee announced, "we have the Chief of the Minnesota State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is here with his lovely wife, Beverly." The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, *Audrey*, and try to explain Beverly to her!" ______________________________________________________ >From Cookie I do have the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project. And yes I tackle almost all of them. For example, in my garage are pieces of a lawnmower I once tried to fix. A couple of my neighbors were walking by my house, and found me in the garage attacking my vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate,"I explained when I saw them. Joyce suggested, "Why don't you drag it over to the other side of the garage and show it the remains of the lawnmower?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 123-4567 and ask for Dixie." Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Local Humane Society, about a 4 months old Black Lab pup. ______________________________________________________ Watch out, he may run, or he may ram you! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terra Virgin, 32, Tampa, Floriduh Drunk Florida teacher let boy, 14, drive her to Waffle House. A Tampa teacher is facing serious charges after police said she was drunk and had an unlicensed teen boy driving her around. Terra Virgin was arrested on Sunday and charged with child abuse and neglect. Police said Virgin, 32, was intoxicated and had an open can of beer while in the passenger seat of a Toyota SUV that was stopped on suspicion of DUI at Kennedy Boulevard and Westland Avenue. Officers said the 14-year-old son of Virgin's boyfriend was driving the SUV. The teen does not have a driver's license. Police said Virgin told them she had five beers, was too drunk to drive and was getting the teen to drive her to a Waffle House. Virgin is a math teacher at Freedom High School. She has been a teacher in Hillsborough County since 2013. The boy was transported and released into his father's custody. Virgin bonded out of jail Monday afternoon. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ollie Re: Hot hard drive Dear Webby I opened up my computer to vacuum out the dust bunnies like you had suggested last spring, well better late than never, and I noticed that the hard drive was giving off a lot of heat. It was very hot to the touch. Is that a sign that it will die soon? Ollie Dear Ollie That is quite normal. Today's fast hard drives do run quite warm. If you can touch it and keep your fingers on it for five seconds, it's at normal operating temperature. You could not keep your fingers that long in water that is 60 degrees C (140 F) without yelling. The temperature is probably between 45 C and 55 C. The oil in the bearings is good for 200 degrees C (400 F). I would not worry about that drive. Keep in mind though, sooner or later every hard drive crashes, and then you will really appreciate it if you have a reasonably recent back-up. Have FUN! DearWebby
The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local casino and asked to have her husband paged. "Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "The house does not make doctor calls!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Marinade for Making Beef Chuck Blade Tender Even the most "not so tender" cut of meat, such as beef chuck blade can cook so tender you would not know it's chuck. The secret is to marinate the beef chuck over night. Use lee kum kee chicken marinade teriyaki (or similar brand) along with green, orange, yellow, and red bell peppers, one medium white onion, lemon herb, and steak seasoning. Cook with medium-low heat on stove for about 30 to 45 min. Make sure to marinate in a closed container. By Esther
10 scariest roller coasters
____________________________________________________ One of Trina's wedding presents was a toaster oven. After the honeymoon, she and Bernie, her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" Bernie shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" cried Trina a short time later. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual's burned to a crisp." ___________________________________________________
Amazing performer!
A student comes to a young professor after regular office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... **anything**!!!" He returns her gaze. "Anything???" "Yes,... Anything!!!" His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... ahhh,..... study???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, on April 8
1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 

1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic
Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the
first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a
Protestant state. 

1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left
Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians
in the Black Hawk War. 

1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful

1913 The Seventeenth amendment was ratified, requiring
direct election of senators. 

1935 The Works Progress Administration was approved by the
U.S. Congress. 

1939 Italy invaded Albania. 

1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of

1946 The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last

1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a
nationwide strike. 

1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in

1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal

1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for
permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 

1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on
political parties. 

1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S.
military bases. 

2002 Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his
insurance company, two insurance adjusters, and several
environmental cleanup contractors. The suit alleged breach
of contract, negligence and intentional infliction of
emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread
through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 

2017  smiled.

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Get rid of n65a 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, April 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
'Drunk Lives Matter' T-shirt wearer 
charged with DUI
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 7 in
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Critics search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In the spirit of the late W. C. Fields: We make fun of people who treat their pets like real children, but, to be fair, once you get the kids neutered or spayed, they DO tend to settle down a bit. ______________________________________________________ >From Dave: I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact). I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child. My fears were alleviated though when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Do it again, Daddy!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Rodney and Bill were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. Bill said, "My wife thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." Not to be out done, Rodney said, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." Confused Bill asked, "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Every night she places a burnt offering before me." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elwood R Gutshall III, 44, Newville, Pennsylvania 'Drunk Lives Matter' T-shirt wearer charged with DUI A man wearing a T-shirt that says "Drunk Lives Matter" was charged with DUI by Newville police. Elwood R Gutshall III, 44, wearing a green St. Patrick's Day T-shirt, was charged March 19 with DUI after police said he committed several traffic violations. His pickup truck was stopped at 12:15 a.m., and his blood alcohol level was found to be 0.217 percent. (0.08 is the limit) He was charged with the highest level of DUI, driving under suspension and traffic violations. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glenn Re: n65 infection Dear Webby I have enjoyed your letter since I first found you back when I had more hair and fewer aches! My new Malwarebytes that I bought says that it is repeatedly (dozens of times per hour) blocking a bad website called "n65a******" that the application c:\windows\sysWOW64\ is trying to contact, that is, that it is blocking the outbound traffic. The application is 20KB. Is this something that I need to keep, or is it spyware? Thank you for your help. Glenn Dear Glenn I used ****** instead of the name of that evil crap, so that the humor letter won't get blocked. That n65 stuff is bad news. Some program you got has a nefarious "payload" and calls ads from that n65 site. I have no idea what program that is, that you are paying for with ads from there. Could be where your cat orders the catnip from. You can search on Google for how to get rid of that. Be careful, though. Some of the sites pretendiung to offer help with that, are decoys for more evil crap. This one seems to be clean: Remove the space I added before adserv. MalwareBytes know it is crap, that is why they are blocking it. Have FUN! DearWebby
KIDS PERSPECTIVE ON ADULT BEHAVIOR You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. --Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. --Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. --Camille,age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. It just leads to fighting and kids. --Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, depending on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. --Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --Lynnette, age 8 On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. --Martin, age 10 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. --Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. --Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. --Howard, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8 HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a garbage can. -- Katrina, age 10 Take the garbage out to the curb at night, so that the morning does not start with a fight. -- Peter, age 7 I would build a treehouse for the kids, as far away as possible, for some peace and quiet when I want to cuddle up with my wife on the couch. -- Thomas, age 8 The husband should not start laughing every time the smoke detector goes off in the kitchen and make the wife mad for the rest of the day. -- Barbie If the daddy brings home some flowers, even if they are the weird ones from the cemetery, then the mom forgets what she was going to argue about and they smile and smooch instead. -- Holly
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making a Magnetic Chalk Board A homemade chalkboard is cheap/easy to make, and fun for children and adults of all ages! Approximate Time: 3 hours + depending on size Supplies: sheet metal (in order to also be magnetic) chalkboard spray paint (available at hardware stores) chalk wooden planks cut to size for a frame (available at a hardware store) electric drill and screws for the frame Instructions: Visit the hardware store for all the supplies that you will need. The friendly people there will cut everything down to the size that you want your chalkboard to be. Remember that the sheet metal is going to be your chalkboard, get it cut larger if you plan on attaching a frame. Follow the directions on the back of the chalkboard spray paint, let it dry before attaching a frame. Remember, it may need several coats. There are several ways to attach a frame to the painted sheet metal, our piece was thin enough that we turned it over and used an electric drill and screwed short screws into the wood, this way they do not show in the front. It looks very professional. A frame is not necessary. Have fun drawing pictures or jotting out quick notes! By Grace from Seattle, WA Peel & Stick whiteboard sheets are from $15 and up, depending on size. You can peel them off if you move or paint the walls and stick them on again later. Have FUN! DearWebby
pvc drums
____________________________________________________ Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a town to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." ___________________________________________________
The Castello di Sammezzano - a Moorish Jewel in Italy.
According to Dave, who is in Ontario, and knows what the Canadian Government is up to, Canada just got an aircraft carrier, the HMCSJeanChrétien. HMCSJeanChrétien, top speed (downstream) 5 knots.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on April 7
1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 

1862 Union General Ulysses S. Grant defeated Confederates at
the Battle of Shiloh, TN. 

1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento,

1888 P.F. Collier published a weekly periodical for the
first time under the name "Collier’s." 

1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil
reserves in Wyoming. 

1927 The first long-distance TV transmission was sent from
Washington, DC, to New York City. The audience saw an image
of Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover. 

1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State

1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 

1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi
Akarit and El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line
against the German army. 

1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world’s largest
battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The
fleet was headed for a suicide mission. 

1953 The Big Four met for the first time in 2 years to seek
an end to their air conflicts. 

1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing
Machine. It was IBM's first commercially available
scientific computer. 

1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 

1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of
Yugoslavia for life. 

1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the
coast of Spain. 

1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws
prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 

1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in
"True Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more
men from Vietnam by December. 

1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and
imposed economic sanctions in response to the taking of
hostages on November 4, 1979. 

1983 Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first Space
Shuttle spacewalk. 

1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports
and cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 

1985 In Goteborg, Sweden, China swept all of the world table
tennis titles except for men's doubles. 

1985 In Sudan, Gen. Swar el-Dahab took over the Presidency
while President Gaafar el-Nimeiry was visiting the U.S. and

1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on
medium-range nuclear missiles. 

1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms
of a Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began
leaving on May 16, 1988. 

1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted
on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal

1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the
Norwegian Sea. 

1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five
counts at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later
reversed on appeal. 

1994 Civil war erupted in Rwanda between the Patriotic Front
rebel group and government soldiers. Hundreds of thousands
were slaughtered in the months that followed. 

1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special
election to serve out the remainder of her husband's
congressional term. 

1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border
crossings to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens
Freedom to Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-
era law and allows senior citizens to earn money without
losing Social Security retirement benefits. 

2002 The Roman Catholic archdiocese announced that six
priests from the Archdiocese of New York were suspended over
allegations of sexual misconduct. 

2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test
drop at Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 

2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was
sentenced to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and
kidnappings by security forces. 

2017  smiled.

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How to deal with telemarketers 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, April 6

Thank you, Lila!

Best wishes for Master Chief Jim. 
His wife Cori wrote me that he was in the hospital for two
heart operations, but is now back home again. He survived
WWII, Korea and Vietnam, and these two operations. 
Master Chief Jim is the oldest subscriber.

Keep him in your thoughts and prayers!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dad reappears several days after 
leaving 6 year old son in the car.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, April 6 in
1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport
arrived at the Spanish colony of Puerto Rico for supplies
before continuing on their journey. On May 14, they went
ashore and founded Jamestown, Virginia, as the first
permanent English colony in America. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Kati's Science Exam Answers. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, ketchup and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red Light district in Rome. Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight ______________________________________________________ PRAYERS AROUND THE ZODIAC ARIES: Dear God, please give me patience ... and could you do it right now? TAURUS: Dear God, help me accept change, but let me keep the old stuff. GEMINI: Dear God! Who is God? Where is God? Why is God? CANCER: Dear God!!! Why me? LEO: Yes? Hello God...are you listening to me? VIRGO: Dear God, please make us perfect and don't mess it up like You did the last time. LIBRA: Dear God, please help me to be decisive, but on the other hand, what do you think is best? SCORPIO: Our Father, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, even though the low-life scum don't deserve it! SAGITTARIUS: Dear Lord, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, help me stop exaggerating. CAPRICORN: Dear God! I'd like to ask you to help me, but I learned a long time ago not to rely on anyone else! AQUARIUS: Dear God, I know I like change, but this chaos is ridiculous!! PISCES: Dear Lord, as long as I'm going to drink this fifth of Scotch tonight, please use the stimulation for Thy glory. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Just after the maid had been fired, she took a steak from the fridge and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for cleaning the dishes for me all the time!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darnell Washington, 38, Houston, Texas Dad reappears several days after leaving 6 year old son in the car. Darnell Washington pulled up to an adult bookstore, left the SUV running, and headed inside. Hours passed, and the man never came back. Meanwhile, his six-year-old son remained in the car. According to Click2Houston, six hours went by, and nobody returned for the boy. Even worse, he had nothing to eat or drink. As ABC13 reports, Diamond Hawkins was working at a tattoo shop when he finally saw the child sitting alone in the vehicle: “He was sitting in the truck and I didn't pay much attention because we have a business next door that sells cars. I thought his dad was next door buying a car or something.” Eventually, the owner of the adult bookstore saw the boy walking around the parking lot and went in search of his parents. According to the Houston Chronicle, the owner went inside the tattoo parlor and asked if the child belonged to anyone, but nobody knew who he was. At that point, he and Hawkins knew something was wrong. According to Click2Houston, Hawkins said the young boy couldn't provide them with any information: “He didn’t know where his dad was. He didn’t know where he lived, or his phone number, or anything. We looked for his dad and couldn’t find him anywhere, so somebody called the cops.” Another tattoo shop employee, John Ridley, made sure the boy was comfortable while they waited for the police to arrive. They eventually got the frightened child to talk: "He was really shy at first. He had a little food and we put him in front of the TV and he got accustomed to us. He opened up a bit and told us his name.” When nobody came to pick the six-year-old boy up from the police, he was placed with Texas Child Protective Services. As for Washington, he didn't show back up to the parking lot for several days. When he finally did return, Hawkins said Washington appeared to be more concerned about his vehicle than his son: “He came in and was asking about his car. Wasn't too concerned about the kid but said, 'Hey did you have a car towed, where's my car.'” Washington admitted to police that he was drinking on the day he left his child. He said he had “four shots of whiskey” and “four to five shots of tequila.” He explained that he passed out behind the store in an alley, woke up, couldn't find his child, and passed out again. He eventually found out where the child he left behind was when he called his own father, who let him know the police had him. Mardee Paige was at the tattoo parlor with her best friend celebrating her 70th birthday when the little boy was rescued from wandering around the parking lot. Paige said: “That person in my mind shouldn't have a child. Who knows what would have happened had somebody not brought him over here.” Washington was charged with child endangerment. His court date set for April 11. The young boy is now staying with friends. There was no mention of a mother in any report. She might be dead or in jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Danielle Re: Telemarketers Dear Webby I have been told not to be rude to telemarketers, just in case they are potential clients. I know you have a dangerously wicked sense of humor and have had some good tips about that in the past, but unfortunately I did not save them. What do you recommend? Danielle Dear Danielle Just tell the telemarketer that they should be talking to Farley Marblemouth and to hold on. Then, before they can reply to that, put them on hold. Eventually you'll hear the beeping that indicates a dead line. An alternative is to tell them that you, or whoever they want to talk to are too busy to listen to telemarketers and that they should send an email. They never do. If Call Indicator shows the name of a state, it is forged by a telemarketer. I don't even bother listening to their crap, I hit On/Off faster than they can get one word out. Have FUN! DearWebby
Redneck Manners Entertaining in Your Home a. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. b. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, even if his manners are better than those of your mother-in-law. Dining Out a. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the bouquet of the wine. b. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. Personal Hygiene a. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's own truck keys. b. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. If you live alone, however, deodorant is a waste of good money. c. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. Rules of the Road a. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. b. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. c. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. d. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. e. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle when you are the driver. f. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. Weddings a) Ex-mother-in-laws should not be invited to weddings, unless they are the parole officers of the bride or groom. b) Rifles and handguns are not appropriate wedding gifts. c) When giving a set of towels, tires, milk-crates or hub-caps as wedding gifts, try to pick the same make or color for each piece of the set. d) If the bride is more than 8 months pregnant, it is better to have the wedding after the delivery of the baby, so that the bride can fully enjoy and participate in the wedding brawl.
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Daily tip from Grease Stains on Suede Shoes By Pamela [1 Comment] I've had luck with removing light grease stains from suede with rubber cement. The kind of rubber cement used in school projects (comes in a brown bottle with it's own brush inside). Of course, test first on a small spot, like the on inside lining. Just brush on a small amount, let it sit for a moment to dry, then rub off the rubber cement with a soft cloth. When stain is gone and suede is dry, use suede brush to fluff up the suede again. Good luck!
Record size bass caught by hand!
____________________________________________________ "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." ___________________________________________________
Very unusual vehicles.
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on April 6
1199 English King Richard I was killed by an arrow at the
siege of the castle of Chaluz in France. 

1607 An expedition led by Captain Christopher Newport
arrived at the Spanish colony of Puerto Rico for supplies
before continuing on their journey. On May 14, they went
ashore and founded Jamestown, Virginia, as the first
permanent English colony in America. 

1652 Jan van Riebeeck established a settlement at Cape Town,
South Africa. 

1814 Granted sovereignty in the island of Elba and a pension
from the French government, Napoleon Bonaparte abdicates at
Fountainebleau. He was allowed to keep the title of emperor.

1830 Joseph Smith and five others organized the Mormon
Church in western New York. 

1830 Relations between the Texans and Mexico reached a new
low when Mexico would not allow further emigration into
Texas by settlers from the U.S. 

1862 The American Civil War Battle of Shiloh began in

1865 At the Battle of Sayler's Creek, a third of Lee's army
was cut off by Union troops pursuing him to Appomattox. 

1875 Alexander Graham Bell was granted a patent for the
multiple telegraph, which sent two signals at the same time.

1896 The first modern Olympic Games began in Athens, Greece.

1903 French Army Nationalists were revealed for forging
documents to guarantee a conviction for Alfred Dryfus. 

1909 Americans Robert Peary and Matthew Henson claimed to be
the first men to reach the North Pole. 

1916 Charlie Chaplin became the highest-paid film star in
the world when he signed a contract with Mutual Film
Corporation for $675,000 a year. He was 26 years old. 

1917 The U.S. Congress approved a declaration of war on
Germany and entered World War I on the winning side. 

1924 Four planes left Seattle on the first successful flight
around the world. 

1927 William P. MacCracken, Jr. earned license number ‘1’
when the Department of Commerce issued the first aviator’s

1938 The United States recognized the German conquest of

1941 German forces invaded Greece and Yugoslavia. 

1953 Iranian Premier Mossadegh demanded that the shah's
power be reduced. 

1957 Trolley cars in New York City completed their final

1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson authorized the use of
ground troops in combat operations in Vietnam. 

1967 In South Vietnam, 1,500 Viet Cong attacked Quangtri and
freed 200 prisoners. 

1981 A Yugoslav Communist Party official confirmed reports
of intense ethnic riots in Kosovo. 

1983 The U.S. Veteran's Administration announced it would
give free medical care for conditions traceable to radiation
exposure to more than 220,000 veterans who participated in
nuclear tests from 1945 to 1962. 

1985 William J. Schroeder became the first artificial heart
recipient to be discharged from the hospital. 

1998 Federal researchers in the U.S. announced that daily
tamoxifen pills could cut breast cancer risk among high-risk

1998 Pakistan successfully tested medium-range missiles
capable of attacking neighboring India. 

2017  smiled.

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