Deaar Webby: How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? 

Good Morning !
Saturday,  June 30, 2007
======================================


"Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
--- Albert Schweitzer


My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning,
and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
--- Charles M. Schulz


=======================================


Thanks to Ross for this story:
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass
by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other
if she would like a beer.


The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice
to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about
purchasing it.


The first nun replied that she would handle that without
a problem.


She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said,
"This is for washing our hair."


Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the
counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag
with the beer saying,


"Here, don't forget the curlers."


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


Independence Day  was coming up, and the
nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell
her class about patriotism.


"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the
things we should be happy is that, in this country,
we are all free."


One little boy came walking up to her from the
back of the room.  He stood with his hands on
his hips and said. . . .


"I'm not free. I'm four."


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roy L Pearson, Washington, DC Judge was judged Judge denied victory in legal suit over pair of lost trousers A JUDGE in the US capital has lost his $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner over a pair of lost trousers and will have to pay the defendants' trial fees. Roy L Pearson, an administrative law judge in the District of Columbia, claimed that a "satisfaction guaranteed" sign in Custom Cleaners misled consumers who, like him, were dissatisfied with their experience. But the judge hearing the case ruled that Pearson did not interpret that sign in a reasonable fashion. "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands," Judge Judith Bartnoff wrote. Judge Bartnoff ordered Pearson to pay the court costs of defendants Soo Chung, Jin Nam Chung and Ki Y Chung - just over $1,000, according to the Chungs' attorney. A motion to recover the tens of thousands of dollars spent on fees will be considered later. Pearson, an administrative law judge, originally sought $67 million from the Chungs after he claimed they lost a pair of his trousers, then later tried to return a second pair of trousers that he said were not his. He arrived at the amount by adding up years of law violations and almost $2 million in common law claims for fraud. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her Moth Orchid. =========================================== SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karen Re: How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? Dear Webby This is probably a very dumb question. How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? Sometimes I suspect that it's a spoof, but how can I tell for sure? Karen Dear Karen That is not a dumb question at all, and asking that question sets you far apart from all the sheep, who believe the visible part of mails. If you get MailWasher, you will see the actual linking going on, right in the preview, before even downloading the complete mail. You will see, for example, that a message pretending to be from PayPal or from MyPostcards has been sent with Outlook Express. That alone proves that the mail is a spoof, since big companies don't use Outlook Express. Then you see stuff like PayPal.com (links to ....... a bunch of numbers and weird addresses). You can look a lot further, but that's already more than enough proof that that mail is crooked. With MailWasher you can report spam and spoofs directly to the Spamcops by simply putting a checkmark in the Spamcop reporting column. You don't even have to download that spoof. Then the Spamcops will analyze that mail in ways the CIA wishes they could, and sends you an email with a link to the analysis report. At the bottom of that report is a button for reporting the spammer or spoofer to his or her ISP, without revealing your address. The Spamcops legitimize the complaint, but shield you. If clean mail and neat tools like that aren't worth $30 a year to you, you can get a pretty good idea about it's origin by revealing the header of a downloaded email. Each email program does that a bit differently, but they all show you in their built in Help how to do it. When you look at the header you see almost as much as with MailWasher and can tell whether omething is legit or not. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Thanks to Walter the stonecarver for sending this report June 29, 2007 - Plantation, Florida - Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel Retired Delta Pilot Foils Robbery, Plugs Two Thugs John Lovell had just finished dinner at about 11: 15 p.m. Wednesday when, Plantation police say, two men armed with guns rushed inside a Subway shop and demanded cash. After robbing the store, the men turned to Lovell. They wanted his money, police said. But like his attackers, Lovell was armed. The retired military man opened fire, shooting dead Donicio Arrindell, 22, of North Lauderdale, and critically injuring Fredrick Gadson, 21, of Fort Lauderdale. Lovell, 71, of Plantation, has a valid concealed weapons permit and is not expected to be charged in the shooting, said police spokesman Detective Robert Rettig. The surviving robber, Gadson, however, faces multiple felony charges that could include murder, he said. Under Florida law, anyone who commits a felony such as armed robbery resulting in a death can be held accountable for the capital offense. "He feared for his life," Rettig said of Lovell. "And if he's in fear for his life, then he has a right to defend himself, even if it means severe bodily injury or death." His attorney, Wesley White, of Yulee, near Jacksonville, said he has known Lovell for 19 years and described him as a "quiet Clint Eastwood-type you don't want to mess with." He is a former Marine who was a member of the helicopter detail that transported Presidents Kennedy and Johnson, White said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Fish When baking fish, set each fillet on a lettuce leaf. The lettuce will prevent the fish fillets from sticking to the pan. Just discard the lettuce when your fish is done baking.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is that I can cure your headaches ... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates a terrible headache. The only way to relieve the condition is to remove your testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought: "That's what I need ... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and picked one out. The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the suit and it fit him perfectly. As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "How did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman said, "How about some new underwear? "Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old. The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and give you a hell of a headache." ============================================= USE WITH CAUTION! What a little beauty! Long white fur, weighing only 12 lbs. the tiny Lhaso Apso, Fiona, was the queen of the house. Her 'dad' took her out for long walk daily. One day the mom went to visit a friend, leaving their two kids home with dad. He was a firefighter who was suddenly called into work. He hired a sitter who spent more time text messaging, than caring for the kids. They were hungry. Deciding to make sandwiches, they got out the fixings. Fiona was right there hoping for a handout. Almost done. They only needed some pickles to round out the feast. Mom only bought huge jars, making it difficult for small hands to grasp. Both kids were startled when a huge plastic jar of beet pickles toppled over onto Fiona. It covered her from head to toe. They watched as her fur soaked up the beet juice, turning her white coat into pink. They knew they better wash the dog. Now that sounds like a good idea, if you use shampoo. Not knowing, the little ones picked out a small bottle of liquid, drenching Fiona with it. The pink refused to come out. Dad came home from work, shocked to see Fiona sporting pink fur. He was the one who walked her daily. As they went down the block, cats began to follow them, howling, spitting, all trying to get close to Fiona. The felines seemed to appear out of nowhere. Rushing back home, the cats hot on their trail, he demanded his kids show him what shampoo they used. They brought him the bottle. He read the label and howled. Fiona had been turned into a cat magnet. They had used an entire bottle of catnip on her! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about stuff for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lollipop Bouquets
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby: MSN's mail problems 

Good Morning !
Thursday,  June 28, 2007
======================================

I may not agree with what you say,
but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
--- Voltaire


Communism is like one big phone company.
--- Lenny Bruce

=======================================

Thanks to Shirley for this story:
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.


"Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grand-mother's meatloaf for dinner
tonight and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly,
and I know I have the recipe right, because it's the one
you gave me. But, it just didn't come out right and I'm so
upset. I wanted this to be so special for George, because
he loves meatloaf. What could have gone wrong"?


Her mother replied soothing-ly, "Well, dear, let's go through
the recipe. You read it out loud, and tell me exactly what
you did at each step and to-gether we'll figure it out."


"Okay," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out,
'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef.'


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


One day a man called the church office. He said,
"Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"


The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said,
"I'm sorry, who?"


The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the
trough?"


She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may
refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you
not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"


To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving
$100,000 to the building fund...."


To this the secretary quickly responded
"Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!"


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Susanne Reiter, 21, and her mother Petra, 43 in Leipzig, Germany Tempest in a teapot June 27, 2007 - Leipzig, Germany - Ananova German police found a bride-to-be and her mother fighting over her wedding dress and choice of rings. Neighbours of Susanne Reiter, 21, and her mother Petra, 43, called police after hearing screams, smashing furniture and breaking crockery at the women's home in Leipzig. When they arrived, they found the pair fighting and throwing vases at each other. Petra told cops, who managed to separate her from her daughter, that the fight had started when she told her daughter she thought her choice of wedding dress and rings was terrible. They were given a warning for breaching the peace. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2391146.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: =========================================== A couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 40 years of marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish." The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the world." The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF! He was 90... =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Paul Re: "Unsafe" content blocked by MSN Dear Webby, This is what MSN is doing to stop your daily letters. What can we do to stop this type of action? Paul G ----- O "Unsafe content has been blocked" If you receive this message, MSN has automatically blocked content that might harm your computer, such as ...blah, blah, blah Message ----- Dear Paul Just tell the sniveling ninnies to stuff their censorship where the sun doesn't shine, and get a more competent email provider. I sent you a referral to gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 27, 2007 - Grand Rapids, Michigan - AP Bill Barnes says he was scratching off a losing $2 lottery ticket inside a gas station when he felt a hand slip into his front-left pants pocket, where he had $300 in cash. He immediately grabbed the person's wrist with his left hand and started throwing punches with his right, landing six or seven blows before a store manager intervened. "I guess he thought I was an easy mark," Barnes, 72, told The Grand Rapids Press for a story Tuesday. He's anything but an easy mark: Barnes served in the Marines, was an accomplished Golden Gloves boxer and retired after 20 years as an iron worker. Jesse Daniel Rae, 27, was arraigned Monday in Rockford District Court on one count of unarmed robbery. Barnes said he had just withdrawn the money from a bank machine and put it in the pocket of his shorts before driving to a service station in Comstock Park, a Grand Rapids suburb. He remembers noticing a patron acting suspiciously, asking the price of different brands of cigarettes and other items. While turned away, Barnes felt the hand in his pocket, so he took action. "I guess I acted on instinct," he said. Kent County sheriff's deputies said the store manager quickly came around the counter. The three struggled through the front door, where two witnesses said the manager slammed Rae to the ground and held him there. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... ource=mypi
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemonade Ice Cubes The next time you make lemonade, fill an ice cube tray with it to make some lemonade ice cubes. As they melt, they won't dilute your glass of lemonade. They are also good in iced tea!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dorothy released three new movies of the bear cubs near her place yesterday. Same cubs as you saw last week, just fresh fun. If you click on the dice at the bottom of the player, it will jump to full monitor size. Esc returns to small size. If your mail program does not let you play the movie, go to http://webby.com/humor http://webby.com/humor and play it there. Bear Cubs Wrestling in Snow Next one will be tomorrow. ============================================= GOLDEN SHOW STOPPER The bride was beautiful. She floated down the isle in a gown that looked like a huge puffy cloud. Her husband to be couldn't hold back the tears. She however was quite composed. There was a ripple laughter when he was heard to say, "I thought this day, and night would never come." They knelt, her gown billowing around her. It became apparent that something was very wrong. From her tiny waist down, the gown was alive. It moved, twisted, the fabric seemed to take on a life of it's own. The bride was in distress. She gasped, then to the shock of the quests, slapped her befuddled groom. The entire congregation heard her say, "Can't you wait, get your hands off my bum!" The poor man held his hands up in front of her. She freaked, leaping up, shaking the volumes of gauzy material, The guests saw it first. The church rang with laughter. Her skirts held high, to reveal to all, a golden puppy. He had a firm grip on her garter and was not about to be cheated out of his prize. He had walked unseen under the brides gown, until he could get a good grab, but had to put his paws on her bottom to do so. We all rocked with laughter when the minister said, " I now pronounce you husband, wife and garter thief." Leave it to a sweet golden puppy to steal the show. He raced down the isle ahead of the bride and groom, happily shaking his circle of ribbon. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Underwater Pictures
======================================== if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby




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Dear Webby: PC Mover 

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Wednesday,  June 27, 2007
======================================


The thing that impresses me the most about America is the
way parents obey their children.
--- King Edward VIII


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary
from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder
a black eye.
--- Miss Piggy


=======================================


Wacky laws:
Louisiana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the
bank teller with a water pistol.


Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple
assault," while biting someone with your false
teeth is "aggravated assault."


New Mexico:
Females are strictly forbidden to appear
unshaven in public.


Oklahoma:
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for
making ugly faces at a dog.


Pennsylvania:
No man may purchase alcohol without written
consent from his wife.


A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives
from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.


Washington:
All lollipops are banned.


A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for
a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the
city limits and telephone the chief of police as he
is entering the town.


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


A man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen
so I'm   steaming up the window to write the number on.


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to dopey gunslingers in Wichita, Kansas Dopey Gunslingers June 18, 2007 Wichita, Kansas - UPI An 18-year-old Kansas man was arrested over the weekend for allegedly shooting his friend on a dare. Police said the incident began when the 17-year-old friend taunted the 18-year-old with a gun, saying the 18-year-old would not shoot him, The Wichita Eagle reported. The 18-year-old then shot his friend in the thigh, police said. When police arrived, the two reportedly said the older teen had found the younger teen in the street with a gunshot wound, but police said they had reason to be suspicious. Police said the two had been using drugs at the time of the shooting. The 17-year-old was taken to a hospital and the 18-year-old was arrested for aggravated battery, the newspaper said. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-204028-959570 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture: =========================================== My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== >From Nelrene: You suggested several things for Bev to do to fix her monitor and save $ for a new one. Another suggestion might be to join freecycle and ask if anyone has one they could get rid of. Thanks for the newsletterr Nelrene ---------------- >From Yong Dear Webby... Let Beverly know that stores like Goodwill always have an abundance of monitors for just a couple of dollars. They also have monthly half off sales. She might also place an ad in a public library or store asking for a free donation of a monitor. With all of the new flat screens folks are purchasing, they would be glad to donate their old one. Hope this helps! Yong ------------------ From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: PC-MOVER Dear Webby, Thanks so much for your everyday letter. I have a question about Vista. There is a a software called PC MOVER that will move all files to operate programs from XP to VISTA. I have tried to load the original software for the programs into VISTA and it will not install correctly. If I purchase this program do you think it would move all the files from my XP to VISTA that are necessary to run the programs? Have you heard of or tried this software? Thanks so much Doug Dear Doug Why would you want to do something as dumb as that? Just format the lemon and put XP on it. PC-Mover is very bad news. If your hand installed programs don't work on Vista, then PC-Mover won't get them to work either. Let's face it, a lot of stuff and a lot of programs simply don't work on or with Vista, no matter how you install them. What makes it even worse, that brain dead mover will cheerfully move all the wacky utilities and gimmicks that you tried once but were never able to completely get rid of. But it will fail on important stuff that you need. If you read the small print way down on their site, you will see that they tell you that you can NOT select which programs are moved and which ones are ignored. For $60 you get handicapped with all the crap that you try to get away from, but have no guarantee that any of the programs, that you need, will ever work again. By the way, the Reviewcenter rates PC-Mover about as low as you can go. Average Ratings: Ease of Set Up 2.9/10 Ease of Use 2.6/10 Value for money 0/10 Overall value 0/10 Total recommendations: 0 Use those $60 to buy an XP license for the new machine and simply install on it what you actually want. Since it worked on the old XP, it will work even better on the new XP. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 21, 2007 - Gimundo Most of us take clean drinking water for granted. But for one sixth of the population — about a billion people — the essential act of taking a drink of water is fraught with risk. Each day, about 6,000 people — mostly children — die from waterborne diseases such as typhoid, cholera and dystentery. Enter a Denmark company called Vestergaard Frandsen Group, whose main business is malaria prevention — its primary product is insecticide-laced mosquito netting and sheeting. Working with an Atlanta company called The Carter Center, it came up with a personal water filter, dubbed the LifeStraw, that uses a series of mesh filters that block bacteria, plus iodine and carbon to kill what's left. The result is water that's cleaner than many developed countries' tap water. The 9-inch blue plastic straw can be carried or worn around the neck. Each straw, estimated to cost approximately $3, cleans a person's drinking water for about a year. It's no wonder that Time Magazine named it an invention of the year, and Forbes put it on its list of 10 things that will change the way we live. To find out more, or learn how you can help, visit www.lifestraw.com http://www.gimundo.com/?f=1
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Olives For Less Instead of buying those expensive little cans of sliced and chopped olives, buy a large can, slice or chop what you need and put the rest in a jar with the juice. They will last in the refrigerator for a long time. 1 large can usually equals 3 or 4 small cans for close to the same price.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dorothy released three new movies of the bear cubs near her place today. Same cubs as you saw last week, just fresh fun. If you click on the dice at the bottom of the player, it will jump to full monitor size. Esc returns to small size. If your mail program does not let you play the movie, go to http://webby.com/humor http://webby.com/humor and play it there. Next one will be tomorrow. ============================================= GETTING PEBBLES HOME Trudging through the snow drifts, I knew a blizzard was on the way. I opened the door to the garage where I kept my old car. Thankfully the motor turned right over. I turned the heat to high, then went to feed the few chickens I kept, as well as some sheep. I had no choice but to head to town to pick up my beloved dog Pepples. She had been quite ill. The animal clinic wanted to close early due to the approaching storm. It was a short drive. I wrapped Pepples up in a soft blanket. She curled up to sleep. I could barely see through the driving snow hitting the windshield. The highway was glare ice. For years I had driven in winter conditions and took pride knowing I was an excellent driver. I was almost home, when I heard a strange noise. Pepples lifted her head, I looked at her, then with no warning, hell broke loose inside my car. I was so startled I sent my car into a spin. Amazing how fast the ditch came up to grab the car and hold tight like a long lost lover. Finally we stopped. I looked over my shoulder and shrieked when I looked into the beady eyes of a chicken. A stupid chicken! She must have jumped in while the car was warming. I had to walk the last half mile home. Pepples wrapped in her blanket with that damn chicken inside my coat. It clucked and pooped every inch of the way. Husbands can be smart. Mine took one look at the chicken and waited until he was outside before cracking up. Pepples was fine. As for me, I got out my cook books, looking at recipes to cook a bird that had me break my 40 year safe driving record. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When the gynaecologist confirmed her suspicion that she was pregnant, Anni got a little scared. "It'll be my first baby," she confessed with a blush, "and actually I don't know the first thing about how babies are delivered." "Don't worry about a thing," reassured the doctor. "It's really not all that different from how the baby got started in the first place." Startled, Anni exclaimed, "You mean three times up and down the courthouse steps, hanging on to Charlie on his dirt bike?" ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Humming bird nest, 5 pages
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby: Erratic monitor 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 26, 2007
======================================

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the
right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
--- Theodore Roosevelt

=======================================

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.

Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter.
"I can only serve one table at a time."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Harry for this story:
When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed
irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and
on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her
as "ma'am."

"I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!"
She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button
on the radio.

Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?"

She replied, "The oldies station."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jane Balogh of Washington state Outvoted June 22, 2007 - Seattle Washington - AP Duncan M. MacDonald can't vote, which could be a relief to politicians. That's because Duncan is a dog - an Australian shepherd-terrier to be exact. His owner, Jane Balogh of Washington state, is in trouble for submitting voided ballots in his name in three elections. One tipoff for authorities: One of the envelopes was signed with a picture of a paw print. Balogh said she was protesting a 2005 state law that she says makes it too easy for non-citizens to vote. She put her phone bill in Duncan's name, then used the phone bill as identification to register him as a voter. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070622/K062221AU.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Angela for sending this picture: =========================================== The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beverly Re: Erratic monitor Dear Webby, Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning. I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done? Thank you, Bev. Compaq with windows ME. Dear Beverly That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call "Percussive Maintenance". You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined for a one way trip to the recycling depot. 1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins to start your monitor replacement fund. 2) Do a spring cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff on ebay. 3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good source is http://pricegrabber.com Have FUN! DearWebby Reply from Beverly: WOW That worked, I'll start saving my pennys. Thank you. Bev ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 18, 2007 - Beijing, China - AP Eighty-four Siberian tigers, among the world's rarest animals, have been born since March at a northeastern China breeding center, an official said Sunday. Liu Dan, an official with the Hengdaohezi Feline Breeding Center in the suburbs of Harbin, capital of Heilongjiang province, was quoted by Xinhua News Agency as saying the cubs were doing well. He said 13 more pregnant Siberian tigers were expected to give birth to a total of 20 to 30 cubs by October. Fewer than 400 Siberian tigers, also known as Amur, Manchurian or Ussuri tiger, are believed to survive in the wild, about 20 of them in China and the rest in Russia. They are the largest tiger species, weighing up to 600 pounds. http://www.happynews.com/news/6182007/8 ... center.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Putting Out Oven Fires Keep salt or baking soda close at hand to throw on oven fires in the bottom of your oven. Once the oven has cooled, it will aid in cleaning up the spill that caused the fire. The same applies for stove-top and barbecue. You can also use sand, dirt from a potted plant, ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER! Never use water on a grease fire. Water will turn the oil or grease into a napalm like substance and spaltter it all over. It turns one little fire into many big ones instantly. Most people have an open box of baking soda in the fridge and cupboard to absorb odors. Know where yours is, in case you have to quickly grab it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ============================================= FAMILY BOWS TO "TALENT" Ben, a Labrador Retriever mix was settling into his senior years with grace. His puppy days of mischief were long gone. He did retain one habit that drove his owners nuts. He loved to play the piano, and sing. It was an old beat up piano, out of tune, lacking a door to cover the keys, but Ben fell in love with it the second he heard the first few notes. For some reason, it was never taken out of the living room. When he got the urge to play, Ben would sit on his haunches, place both paws on the keyboard, smacking different keys. Then he'd sing. He'd hold his head back, pouring out a deafening, high pitched, mournful, siren wail that has ever been heard coming from a dog. He knew that he only had a few moments before his owners would run into the room to stop the assault on tender human ears. One day, just after getting a scolding for his vocal talent, the owner heard the piano. She rushed in, Ben was in a far corner. Very strange. Leaving the room, she turned back just in time to see Ben gently lift their new kitten onto the keys, nudge her to walk, he'd listen, point his nose in the air, to allow his form of anguished vocal styling to drift throughout the home. The family gave up, took to wearing ear plugs. Ben spent his last years, happily sharing his talent. What musician canine or human could possibly ask for more! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!" ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Need a truck!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Best digital camera choice 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 25, 2007
======================================

"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't
pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism
a way of life can restore your faith in yourself."
--- Lucille Ball

=======================================

Thanks to Dianne for this fishy story:
Fred Green, an avid fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with
six large size salmon in his creel.

Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing.
"Yes!" replied old Fred.

Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he
had used chewing tobacco.

Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the
fisherman replied,
"I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in
the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on
the line to hook it.
When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with
the butt of my rod!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Robert for this story:
Be sure  and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is
priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service
being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and
Citibank billed her for February & March for their  annual
service charges on her credit card, & added late fees and
interest  on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00,
now somewhere around  $60.00. A family member placed
a call to Citibank here's the  exchange:

Family Member:"I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank:  "The account was never closed and the late fees &
charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe,  you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past  due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she
is  dead?"
Citibank: "Either report  her account to frauds division or
report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you  think God will be mad at her?"
(I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I  was telling you
the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to  my supervisor." (Duh!)
(Supervisor gets on the phone):
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell  you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never  closed, so the late fees
and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught
by the bank!)
Family Member:  "Do you mean you want to collect from her
estate?"
Citibank: (Stammering) "Are you her  lawyer?"
Family Member: "No,  I'm her great nephew."
Citibank: "Could you fax us a  certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they
get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup  for death. I don't know
what more I
can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it  out, great! If not, you could just
keep billing her. I really don't think she  will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply."
(What is wrong with these  people?!?)
Family Member:  "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "Yes, that will  help."
Family Member: "  Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129,
Plot Number  69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a  cemetery!"
Family Member: "What  do you do with dead people on your
planet?

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maurice Stuckey in Port Lucie, Florida DUH! June 22, 2007 - Port Lucie, Florida - AP Police said an Illinois man is facing charges of marijuana possession after he asked a police officer for directions while he had a marijuana cigarette behind his ear. Maurice Stuckey approached a police officer in a parking lot and asked for directions. The officer asked Stuckey about the cigarette and Stuckey told him it held marijuana. That's when the officer searched Stuckey's car and found a plastic bag with five-grams of marijuana. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/13550288/detail.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: A guy practising on a genuine Swiss Alphorn in the early morning mist at Weaselhead Park in Calgary =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area. "A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four, three, two, one'"? =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Which digital camera is best? Dear Webby, Which digital camera is best? And which parts of them are the most important criteria? What is better, Canon or Nikon? David Dear David The most important criteria is your budget. If you get too close to the limit of it, the best camera is always not going to be quite good enough. Second most important is lens size. The larger the lens, the more light the chip has to work with. Third is the electronics, especially how the camera interpretes the analog signals into digital. Canon and Nikon are best there, with the rest of them seemingly a class or more below. Fourth is Optical Zoom. Forget digital zoom, that's just cropping the picture, enlarging it digitally and making it coarse. Forget about the number of Megapixels. That number is usually just a number picked by an advertising editor and in the small print they admit that it is "equivalent to so many Megapixels". 3 Megapixels are fine, but at around 5 you start wasting space on the memory chip and get into problems with working on the pictures in full size. How much free and available RAM do you have on your computer? There is no point in paying for 12 or more megapixels and then having to set the camera to take pictures at 1600x1200, ( 1.9 Megapixels ). More pixels don't extend you reach into the dark at all. It's the same amount of light split into more real and calculated pixels. I am a purist and don't use flash. It makes pictures flat. I found that I can reach much farther into the dark with my old Canon G3 than with the newer one with a lot more megapixels. So I will be hanging on to that old G3. Canon versus Nikon is a religious question. They are both so good, that the skill of the photographer makes a much bigger difference than the brand. Each has it's own distinct peculiarities, that you can take advantage of, once you get familiar with your camera. But the differences are not big enough that anybody would buy one of each. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 11, 2007 - Morrow, Georgia - Gimundo On May 15th, teacher Shirley Hines sat down for lunch with a few of her fifth-grade students at Thurgood Marshall Elementary School in Morrow, Ga. It was just an ordinary day — until Hines began to choke on a piece of lasagna. At first, said Hines, “I was able to cough a couple of times. But after a few seconds, I realized that I couldn’t breathe at all.” One of Hines’ students, 11-year-old Lester Knauls, immediately sprang into action. “Lester asked me, ‘Ms. Hines, are you all right?’” Hines, unable to speak, shook her head and pointed behind her, motioning for him to slap her back. Instead, Lester stood up, made a fist, and pushed beneath her ribcage in a perfect rendition of the Heimlich maneuver. The food came loose immediately. “He absolutely saved my life,” said Hines. Later, Lester told his teacher that “he didn’t even know there was a name for what he did,” said Hines. He’d never seen the Heimlich maneuver on television, or read about it in a book. But instinctively, when his teacher was in trouble, he knew what to do. “He thought I was going to die, and he couldn’t allow it,” said Hines. Hines says she is amazed by Lester’s courage and grace under pressure. “I told him, ‘You’re not just my student, you’re my hero,’” she said. “I think we will always be joined by the heart.” http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/311
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flour Tortilla Noodles Cut flour tortillas into strips with a pizza cutter. Use them instead of noodles when you make "Chicken and Noodles". Nobody will ever guess that they aren't "Homemade Noodles". By Harlean
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're Looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...... "Dumb Bastids won't let me fart!" ============================================= FUN LOVING PUGS TEACH LESSON It had been three days of long hard work for the high school kids. They had been on their hands and knees, painstaking setting up a Lego design showing their school logo and mascot. At last, the final piece was in place. Everyone stepped back, oh so carefully. Applause broke out. The school principal, was a nervous wreak. He relaxed to admire the handiwork. It was truly a work of art. Until..... Someone had left a door open. In dashed two black Pugs. Any one who knows and loves the breed, understands these wee dogs think the world was made only for them. To play in. These two spotted the Lego display, tried to stop, but crashed right into it on their bottoms. The second the Lego's began to fall, they were thrilled. What an exciting new game! There were screams of dismay, "Stop them!" The overwrought principal was on his knees begging the pugs to come to him. They did. Both little clowns leaped right up, scrubbing his face, sending him flying into the toppling Lego's. Someone started to giggle. It got louder. The kids finally realized it was the prone principal who was laughing like a loon. The damage was done. He rolled around on the floor, romping with the two dogs, Lego's sailing into every corner. He yelled to the kids," Hey guys, we can re-build, but take a lesson from these two dogs, let's just have fun." Well said Mr. Principal, well said! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this classic: There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement." "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork...the best is yet to come." The pastor' s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Prairie Pix
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Reach of wireless 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 24, 2007
======================================

"Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about
something, then you have the time to do something about it."
--- Anthony D'Angelo

Live in a style that suits your physical and spiritual requirements,
and don't waste time keeping up with the Joneses.
--- Napoleon Hill

=======================================

Thanks to Martin for this story:
Juan and Julio are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.
Juan drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and
has lots of money to spend. Julio only brings in a few dollars
a day. Julio asks Juan how he can bring home a suitcase
packed full of $10 bills every day.

Juan says, "Look at your sign."
It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"

Julio looks at Juan's sign. It reads:
"I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A college physics professor was explaining a
particularly complicated concept to his class when
a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young
man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before
continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again.
"So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long
time without saying a word.

Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves
lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots
out of medical school."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to "attedants" and clients at nude spa. Nude customers rousted at spa robbery Illusion holdup nets loss of $1,700 from safe, purses Friday, May 18, 2007 From staff and wire reports Huntsville Times LACEY'S SPRING - Armed robbers rousted two nude spa customers and "attendants" from private rooms during a holdup that netted about $1,700 in cash from wallets, purses and the safe. Morgan County Sheriff's investigator Terry Kelly said two men carrying handguns and an unarmed woman, all wearing ski masks and bandannas over their faces, entered Illusion Spa, 1128 U. S. 231, about 10:45 p. m. Tuesday and brought two female attendants and two male customers, all naked, from their private hot tub rooms. One of the attendants was forced to open the safe after the woman working the desk wasn't able to. The three left with the purses, wallets and cash, and Kelly said a fourth person is believed to have been the driver of the getaway car, believed to be a white Dodge Stratus. No one was injured. The unnamed clients left before police arrived. http://ads.al.com/RealMedia/ads/click_n ... /@StoryAd? x ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Faster than Fatcat =========================================== One night at the dinner table, Keli commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied Greg, "you just cook better now." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Wireless reach Dear Webby, How far does a wireless network card reach? And is it true that the speed falls off with distance? There is a nice, shady gazebo in the park across the street, and I am on the 10th floor, no balcony, but I can open one window a little bit. Could I reach that gazebo? Thanks Erin Dear Erin Yes, open air line of sight you should be able to get 250 feet even with a bargain router and basic wireless network card. The speed will drop significantly. On the same desk you will get speeds almost as good as those advertised, but at 250 feet you need an "N" type router and card to get decent browsing speed. If it is for work and email, an ordinary set will do, but if it is for play, you'll have to shell out quite a bit more money. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 21, 2007 - North Canton, Ohio - AP Kristina Schneider tried to persuade a customer at the BP station where she works to buy the last ticket on a roll of the Magnificent Millions lottery game. ''I always joke that the last ticket is the winning one, but he said he only had enough money for three tickets,'' Schneider said. This time, her advice was no joke. The single mother, with nine maxed out credit cards and $8,500 in debt for her associate's degree, bought what turned out to be a $1 million winning ticket. ''I was numb. I still am,'' she said. Schneider, 32, opted to take 20 yearly payments of $50,000, or $34,500 after taxes. ''If I'd have taken a lump sum, I'd be broke again within five years,'' she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Spider Mites from House Plants Take a Q-tip and dip it in isopropyl alcohol. Dab it on the white goo left by spider mites. Make sure to check both the front and back of leaves. If you have a lot of plants that can get a bit tedious, especially since you will have to repeat it once a week, if a new plant brought that pest into the house and the infection spread. An easier solution is cheap insecticidal soap or strained dish water misted over and under the plants. because spider mites really hurt a plant, it's a good idea to give them some tea made from really old compost the day after you soap them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were doing their usual Saturday night thing: drinking. Thibodeaux tells Boudreaux, "Let's have one more beer and go find us some women." Boudreaux tells him, "Oh, not me. I gots more den I can handle at home." Tibodeaux, well inebriated by now, says, "Mais, OK, let's have one more beer and go to your house, den!" ============================================= EVENING DOG SPA In the evening at a local RV park, a strange thing happens. Using a form of communication not known to man, all the dogs who are not on leash, begin to make their way to the end of the park. Not in a mad dash, they simply saunter along, stopping now and then to greet other dogs. The heat had been brutal for days. Some dogs had stayed inside air conditioned motor homes. Others were taken by their owners to a river to cool off. The majority of the dogs, lay panting in the shade. Until evening. I followed them one night. At one camp spot, someone had partially filled a round kiddie pool with crushed ice, then added water to the brim. It was hilarious to watch the dogs display such nice manners, as they waited patiently for a turn in the icy spa. One dog at a time, got in, soaked, stepped out, shook dry then headed back to his owners camp site. One dog stayed so long in the pool, that finally a big black Lab, put one paw on his back, indicating, "Time's up bud, let someone else have a turn." It was a ritual that amused us, brought the campers together to get to know each other, but more important, taught us that we'll all get a turn if we just show a bit of doggie patience! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== On the night of their wedding, after making her preparations, the bride came out of the bathroom to find her groom on his knees in front of the bed. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man. "I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hot Air Balloons
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Wired or wireless? 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 23, 2007
======================================

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but
in looking outward together in the same direction."
- Antoine de Saint Exupery

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
- Franklin P. Jones

"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
- Chinese Proverb

=======================================

Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic:
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got
trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's
somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's
somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you
gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the
shrink.
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your
fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked
the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me
for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

On a Cathay Pacific 747 in Taipei, the following
announcement was heard over the cabin PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are overbooked and are
offering anyone $1,000 plus a seat on the next flight in
exchange for their seat on this flight."

After a short pause, the offer was repeated with the
amendment that it did not apply to the crew assigned
to the flight.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 16 year old bozo in berlin, Germany Violence is no substitute for homework June 18, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 16-year-old Berlin student was so worried he would have to repeat a year at school because of poor marks he convinced two friends to storm his class and steal the report cards with his bad grades. "The student probably honestly believed that he could avoid repeating the school year if he made the report cards disappear," said a spokesman for local police Monday. The youth sat quietly at the back of the classroom as the two masked robbers, aged 14 and 15, burst in and threatened his teacher with a steel bar if she did not hand over the reports. After grabbing them, the two tried to flee but dropped the reports as other students leapt to defend the teacher. The two were arrested close to the school, and told police their friend had devised the raid because he was afraid of flunking a year. Police would not reveal what incentives the youth had offered the pair to carry out the robbery, adding the youths faced legal consequences once investigations were over. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0706 ... student_dc ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Wowser, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!..." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim Re: Wired or wireless keyboard and mouse Dear Webby, What is better, a wired keyboard and mouse, or a wireless combo? Kim Dear Kim That depends on your priorites. If you are a neat freak and the sight of the cables causes you trauma and bad dreams, then spend the extra money on a wireless combo. If faster performance and never having to pause to change batteries, is more important, then go for the old fashioned wired keyboard and mouse. Some manufacturers claim that their wireless combos are fast enough. That may be true for SOME users, but is not true when working at my speed. I also find it very disruptive, having to stop at the most inopportune times, to change the silly batteries. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2007 - Ananova Cat owners can now see what their pet gets up to once they go through the flap. It follows the launch of 'cat cam' by a German inventor, reports the Daily Mail. Jürgen Perthold, who lives in America, attached his light-weight camera to the collar of his tom cat Mr Lee. "I wanted to find out what he gets up to, where he spends his days," Mr Perthold said. "He goes out the whole day, sometimes he returns hungry sometimes not, sometimes with traces of fights, sometimes he also says out all night. It gave me the idea to equip the cat with a camera." The camera takes one photo a minute for 48 hours and has revealed that the chubby tabby has the hots for a neighbouring feline, although he is in contention with another black tom. Mr Lee spends much of his time exploring the undergrowth, looking longingly up at bird feeders and meeting other moggies under parked cars. The camera weighs 70 grams including the batteries and Mr Perthold said it didn't give his cat any problems. He wrote his own software to control the camera and perfected the design. He is now selling his invention for $30 in the US. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2365103.html?menu=
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Alcohol Bug Spray For House Plants Mix together one cup rubbing alcohol (70% isopropyl) with one cup water in a spray bottle. Spray this solution directly on the pests. Avoid spraying onto more foliage than necessary. You don't need to spray much, brief contact with alcohol will kill most insects. Dish water does in the rest of them. If you want to use a sprayer, use a coffee filter to filter used dishwater straight into your sprayer bottle. Have Fun! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
For best results, read this one out loud! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . ." ============================================= CRITTER TONGUE TWISTERS! People who love critters can find so many crazy ways to amuse themselves. I was at a house party where someone started hollered out, "Can you say these, repeatedly and fast?" This is a fun challenge for you. Don't be shy, go ahead and try. I guarantee it will give your sense of humour a good work out. * Sixty-six sick chicks, "Careful with this one!" *I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son and I'm only plucking pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes. *As one eager eagle eased under the eaves the other eager eagle eased out. * A big black bug bit a big black bear, made a big black bear bleed blood. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Taliban jokes we knew. After a while I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey you! I'm Afghan and I don't like you telling all those Afghani jokes!" So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against Talibans." "My mother is in Afghanistan!" He screams, and pulls out a razor. For a moment there I was quite concerned. I wasn't sure what he would have done, if he had found a place to plug it in!!! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Florida Wildlife
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Computer Orientation 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 22, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

"You are successful the moment you start moving
toward a worthwhile goal."
--- Chuck Carlson

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day
to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world
problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think
much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really
got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got together was at
the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable
to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last
of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and
behold! --there sat Bill!

Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world
happened to you?"

Bill replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?"

"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and,
at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court,
I pleaded 'guilty'
and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment.
Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and
regular attention? What's your excuse"?

Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."

Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about?
I gave you no such order."

Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Madalina Nesan, 29, Constanta, Romania Bimbo malfunction June 21, 2007 - Constanta, Romania - Ananova A Romanian woman has been fined for reporting her car stolen then realizing she'd left it in a supermarket car park. Madalina Nesan, 29, told officers she was "so excited" to try her new bargain shoes that she completely forgot about the car. She had called the police when she couldn't find her car in its usual place near her flat in Constanta. Police investigations were just getting underway when the woman called back the next day to explain the confusion. She told officers she had driven to the nearby supermarket in her new Peugeot 206 but when she finished shopping she left on foot. She had been anxious to try out some new bargain shoes she had bought because they were heavily discounted. Ms Nesan now has to add to a £70 fine for wasting police time to the cost of her shopping spree. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2383823.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian raises his head and says: "White Ford Pick-Up, 4 people in front, a dozen in the back, big party" "Wow, you can tell all that by listening to the ground ?" "Nah, I fell off the truck" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Angela Re: Computer positioning Dear Webby, I have a question about the CPU unit of my desk top. I am rearranging my work/study area and was wondering if it is safe to lay the CPU down on its side and set my printer on top of it gain more space on my computer desk. I do not want to place it on the floor because I have too many animals living in my house and do not fully trust them all to behave with it on the floor. Angela Dear Angela Dear Angela The CPU doesn't care, and the hard drives don't care as long as you don't put it with the front side up. The most important consideration is good air flow behind it. Don't shove it into a desk hutch cubbyhole, no matter which way you turn it. Laying flat, with the removable side cover side up, is just fine. That is actually better than standing upright on the floor, where the main air intake at the front bottom sucks in all the dust bunnies and pet hairs off the floor and drastically reduces cooling. Yes, I know it's stupid, but they don't want computers to last forever. Try to lay it flat on the left rear corner of your desk, with the former bottom pointing away from you. That way it sucks fresh air from the left of the desk. Especially n summer, cooling of the computer is very important. While you are moving it, pop the side cover open and vacuum it out. If you are scared of large herds of dust bunnies, get somebody else to do it, but don't neglect that chore! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 19, 2007 - Kansas City, Missouri - Gimundo Robert Lewis had just finished a 17-hour day working his two jobs, one as an airline worker at Kansas City (Mo.) International and the other as a bell captain at the Kansas City Airport Marriott. As he was leaving the hotel, he spotted an orange bag in the middle of the road. “I knew it was a lost cargo bag,” Lewis said. He pulled over and looked inside. The 40-pound bag was filled with individually wrapped diamond and wedding rings. Lewis admits that for a split second, he pondered keeping the loot. “I thought, ‘I could bury this in my backyard and then pull it out when I’m 60 years old or so,’” he said. But that’s not what he did. He promptly called police. It turns out that the jewelry belonged to Helzberg Diamonds, and it had once been on a Brinks truck. Estimated value: $266,000. Last week, Helzberg announced it would give Lewis a $10,000 reward, plus make a $5,000 donation to a charity in his honor. Lewis said he will use the money to pay off bills and start a savings account for his children. “They could have just told me ‘thank you’ and walked away,” he said, “so I truly appreciate this.” http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/323
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moisturizing While You Garden Gardening, even with gloves on, can dry out your hands. Apply petroleum jelly or hand lotion to your hands before putting on your gardening gloves and your hands will be soft and smooth after a day of gardening.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" "Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" roared the father angrily. "Her obstetrician and her lawyer!" replied the young man. ============================================= HORSE VS MAN IN GAS BLOWOUT Babe was an old black mountain of a horse. Placid, sweet tempered, all she wanted was food, water plus some human attention. I had bought her to add to a string of horses used for trail riding. City folk got a real kick out of riding for a few hours then being able to complain about who's bottom was the most sore. Babe loved to graze on the rich grass, seldom lifting her head to come up for air. I didn't realize she had a problem until she was on her first trail ride. She would stop often, lift her tail, and fart. Not a regular horsy passing of gas. These were long, drawn out , noisy blasts. At first it was funny. After an hour the people behind Babe started to look green. One smart mouthed dude snickered, and hollered that the old flea bag of a horse could run competition with is wife for having the most hot air. The grizzled trail boss snorted and said, "Stupid thing to say. Ya jest don't talk about wimen like that!" The dude's wife was on kitchen duty. He ate his meal, saying it tasted odd. She threw his bedroll out of the tent, snapping at him to keep Baby company. Wicked lady. Whatever she put in his food, had him passing gas just like the horse. Long drawn out farts. We lay in our tents laughing like loons. First Babe, then the man took turns with explosive, high pressure gas blowouts. The stench from both man and horse was revolting. We closed our tent flaps to keep the aroma at bay. At dawn his wife told her dude husband he had won first place for, " Hot Stinky Airbag," award of the night! The old trail boss hooted with glee, pounding the fellow on his back, saying, "Ya never trust a female. Don't ya know, they always git even!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: A FARM WAS SOLD to some city folks. The old farmer next door was out one day and saw the new neighbor planting in his garden. The farmer watched as the man would dig a hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of whiskey. The farmer couldn’t help but ask what he was planting. “Stewed tomatoes,” was the reply. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Food Art
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Vista SP1 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 21, 2007
Happy Summer Solstice
======================================

Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.
--- Samuel Johnson

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
— Winston Churchill:

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A SOUTHERNER vacationing in Maine stopped at a small convenience
store to buy some souvenirs. As he stood in line to pay for his
purchases, the southerner was amused by the accent of some
local lobster fishermen, who were in the store discussing the
day’s catch.

Stepping up to the cash register, the tourist commented to
the clerk, “Some people around here sure talk with funny
accents.”
“Aye-yuh,” the clerk replied, “but thay’ll all be gone by
Labor Day.”

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Deeli for this classic:
GOD:

Frank , you know all about gardens and nature.  What in the
world is going on down there on the planet?  What happened
to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants
grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with
abandon.  The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.  I expected
to see a vast garden of colours by now.  But, all I see are
these green rectangles.

Saint FRANCIS:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord.  The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great
lengths to kill them and replace them with  grass.

GOD:
Grass?  But, it's so boring.  It's not colourful.  It doesn't
attract butterflies, birds and bees;  only grubs and sod
worms.  It's sensitive to temperatures.  Do these Suburbanites
really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS :
Apparently so, Lord.  They go to great pains to grow it and
keep it green.  They begin each spring by fertilizing grass
and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass
grow really fast.  That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST.   FRANCIS :
Apparently not, Lord.  As soon as it grows a little, they cut it
--sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it?  Do they then bail it like hay?

ST.   FRANCIS :
Not exactly, Lord.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS :
No, Sir, just the opposite.  They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight.  They fertilize grass so it will
grow.  And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to
throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS :
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when
we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.  That surely
slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren't going to believe this, Lord.  When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money
to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense.  At least they kept some of the trees.  That
was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.  The trees
grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
summer.  In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord.  The Suburbanites have drawn a
new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into
great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD:
No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the  winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough!   I don't want to think about this anymore.
St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.  What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
"Dumb and Dumber", Lord.  It's a story about....

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 43 year old German man in Forst, Germany Jumping does not count! June 1, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 43-year-old German man was taken to hospital in critical condition after he fell off a second storey balcony during a spitting contest with his 12-year-old son, police said Friday. A spokesman for the police in the eastern town of Cottbus said the man in Forst had apparently lost his balance after thrusting too far forward in his attempt to outspit his son. He tumbled over the ledge and landed on a balcony of the ground floor apartment, police said. He was taken to hospital in a rescue helicopter. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0706 ... pitting_dc ===========================================
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Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Queen Of Tears: =========================================== Thanks to Bill for this story: An American walks into a Pub and orders a Coors Lite. The Alemaster says: "Faith lad, we don't serve American beer here" American: Give me the closest thing you got. The Alemaster draws him a glass o' water! =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Irene Re: Vista SP1 Dear Webby, Will there be a Vista SP1 update, and will it make Vista compatible with our printers, scanners, cameras, etc? Irene Dear Irene Yesterday Microsoft started secretly fishing for brave souls to beta test Vista SP1, and their legal department told a private site, that had over 100 fixes and patches for Vista, to take them down. Seems that once they decided to make an SP1 mega-fix, he would be considered as stealing their thunder. One secret source at Microsoft said that they "HOPE" to have Vista SP1 out in late 2007. That translates to March or April 2008. Incidentally, spring 2008 is also the quite firmly planned shipping date for XP-SP3. Re your second question, will it work with your hardware? No. Printer, scanner, camera etc makers can't be bothered to write new drivers for equipment that has already been sold and paid for. A lot of the new hardware will theoretically work with Vista, but to continue using existing hardware you better stick with XP or Linux or SUN-OS or Mac. In summary, stick with XP and don't make me say: "I told you so." Just like with Outlook Express, I will not answer Vista related questions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 2, 2007 - Bronx, New York - AP A 12-year-old boy just getting into the shower heard a crash and his grandmother scream, so he jumped naked out of a second-floor window and called 911, helping police foil an armed robbery, police said. "I knew I had to get out, get help," Edwin Alamo told the New York Daily News in Saturday's edition. His brother, Jose Rodriguez, 21, jumped out of another window in the Bronx home Friday and ran to a nearby restaurant for help. Police responding to the call, shot and wounded two armed suspects after they pointed their guns at the officers and refused to drop them, said NYPD Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne. Both of the shot suspects were in stable condition at a hospital, according to police. None of the officers or the occupants of the home was injured, police said. A third suspect surrendered. http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 5490c.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Mail Box for Garden Tools A handy place to store pruning shears and small garden tools is in an old mail box. Place the mail box on a post in a convenient spot in your yard and place the small tools that you use regularly in it. Paint the mail box and it can be quite attractive.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Ann D for this story Husband: Oh, come on. Wife: Leave me alone! Husband: It won't take long. Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Husband: I can't sleep without it. Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Husband: Because I'm Hot. Wife: You get hot at the darndest times. Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you. Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate. Husband: You don't love me anymore. Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight. Husband: Please... Come on Wife: All right, I'll do it. Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight? Wife: I can't find it. Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it! Wife: There! Are you satisfied? Husband: Oh, yes. Wife: Is it up far enough? Husband: Oh, that's good. Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself. ============================================= BILLY'S COMING OF AGE Dogs can get into such predictions at times, its a wonder they survive mentally or emotionally. I was hanging laundry outside. I reached down to pick up the last white sheet. That's when the action started. Billy was a small, very shy, mixed breed dog I was dog-sitting. He playfully snapped at the sheet, fell into the laundry basket, which flipped upside down over him. The sheet gently floated over both dog and basket. As any sensible dog would do, he tried to get out. However his dog tags were caught inside the basket. Before I could reach down to help the little guy, he bolted in a total panic. As fast he ran, the thing covering him plus the billowing sheet went along for the ride. He ran like the wind. Under the fence, into the pasture, heading straight for the donkeys and horses. Now I was frightened. Donkeys have a lethal kick. Billy continued racing around. The horses, intelligent creatures, lit out for the bush. The donkeys stayed to fight. As hard as they tried, they couldn't catch Billy. In frustration, they began to kick each other, braying lustily. I finally caught up to Billy, who was barking in a wild frenzy. Donkeys usually hate dogs or coyotes. They were in an uproar over this strange one who had hurtled into their midst. It was a long walk back. The dog wanting to hang a licking on the donks, while the donkeys did their best to convince me, that damn dog was really a weird coyote who needed to be stomped on. Later Billy's owner called laughing, "When we got home Billy shredded my son's stuffed donkey. Whatever happened to him on your place was great. He's always been a timid dog now he's a little terror." She chucked, " We love him like this!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Solstice
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Mix IDE and SATA hard drives 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  June 20, 2007
======================================

"99% of the failures come from people who have the habit
of making excuses."
--- George Washington Carver

"Life is the movie you see through your own eyes. It makes
little difference what's happening out there.
It's how you take it that counts."
— Denis Waitley

=======================================

Riddle answer: YOU are the driver.

From AmberRose:
I passed it on to several friends. Would you believe -
none of them got the right answer?

======================================

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 Thanks for your votes!

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Police Reports

The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements
submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at least
they claim to be ACTUAL statements. You be the judge.)
The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement
on the particulars of the accident in their own words.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided
with a tree I don't know.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He
then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end
showing.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone
pole.

I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell
asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle
and vanished.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I
ran over him.

I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he
bounced off the hood of my car.

The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number
of times before I hit him.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I
struck the pedestrian.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the roadway when I struck him.

My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in
the hospital.

When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on
the gas and crashed into the other car.

As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly
appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever
appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid
the accident.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in
a small car with a big mouth.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other
way.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on
removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull.

I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my
car became squashed.

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Frederik Moelner, 17 in Landshut, Germany Too selfish! June 19, 2007 - Landshut, Germany - Ananova A teenager in intensive care unplugged his neighbour's life support machine because the noise was keeping him awake. Frederik Moelner, 17, said he had been trying to sleep as he recovered from a car crash but the noise of the life support machine as it helped 76-year-old Hermann Berghof breathe kept waking him up. A police spokesman from Landshut in southern Germany said: "He told us the noise was getting on his nerves and he thought this was the best way to make sure he got peace and quiet. "Luckily the medical staff acted promptly and reconnected the life support machine. If there had been any delay the old man could have died." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2381098.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
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=========================================== Thanks to Nigle for this picture: =========================================== I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I saw one where they ask what is the worst thing you could receive on your twenty fifth wedding anniversary?" You know what the answer was? "Morning Sickness." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Art Re: ATA and IDE Dear Webby, I am trying to get the specs nailed down for a new computer. As you said, if one is smart enough to buy an XP machine, there is an automatic $300 penalty. They don't sell the $300 machines with XP, only with Vista. Vista costs $299 at Staples, so if you buy a cheap Vista machine for $300, you basically buy Vista, and somebody throws in a free computer to compensate you for the hassle. That stinks too much for me! So, anyway, meanwhile back at the farm,... all new machines come with SATA serial hard drives. I want to stick my old IDE parallel cable hard drive into the machine as a second drive. How can I adapt that to a machine that was intended for Vista's ATA serial cabled hard drives and just had XP put on it at the last minute? Art Dear Art Don't worry. I chatted with Dell's technical advisor in India, and she told me that the machines still have the IDE flat ribbon cable connectors for IDE drives, since the DVD and CD drives need those. You can even order an IDE cable from them, but you will probably get those cheaper from your neighborhood computer fixer/recycler. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kudo to taxi driver ... June 19, 2007 - Germany - Ananova A German robber called police when a taxi driver he tried to rob turned the tables and robbed him instead. Police who answered the call from Albert Hoffmueller, 28, turned up at the taxi rank to find the taxi driver still sitting in his locked cab. The cabbie had Hoffmueller's wallet while the would-be-thief stood outside in Aldenhoven in North Rhine Westphalia. The wallet was returned to Hoffmueller along with the news that he will face charges for attempted robbery. No charges will be made against the taxi driver who claims he only kept the wallet for the purposes of identifying the crook. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2379718.html?menu=
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Toy Wagon for Tools Easily Clean Garden Tools Spray your garden tools with a little cooking oil or WD-40 and they will be very easy to clean when you are done gardening. You can then rinse them off with water. Make sure to recoat when needed.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered. "They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "Thenn I just use their last name!" ============================================= STUCK TOGETHER Hanging wall paper is messy work. I was struggling to hold a long wet piece of paper in place, when it slipped out of my grasp. My cat and dog just happened to be sitting underneath the ladder. The long gooey thing landed right on them. The startled critters leaped up, crashed into the wall, getting really tangled together. From the barking and hissing, I could tell they were each blaming the other. Stuck together inside the paper, they crashed across the room, thumped over the doorstep, out the open door to tumble across the lawn. The harder they tried to separate, the tighter the paper stuck to their fur. A group of young kids were passing by on their way home from school. They stared at the noisy antics of my unfortunate pets. Two little boys helped me untangle the poor animals. They talked to each other for a moment, then started to giggle. "Hey lady, can we have a piece of this stuff?" I asked why, telling them it had to be wet and put on a wall. "That's okay, we can put water on it." I suggested that their parents might not like them sticking it to a wall," Then I added, "You aren't thinking of putting this on your dog or cat are you?" The giggling turned up a notch. "No, we want to throw it on our sister when she's kissing her boyfriend in the living room!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The first-grade concert is fast approaching, and Johnny has still not decided what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her prettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause. Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience. Finally, out comes Johnny, in checkered shirt and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm, and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my uncle's farm. Here is the first... .'JOHNNY! GET THE @#$K OFF THAT TRACTOR!'" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Water Power
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Deare Webby: Why are Vista machines so much cheaper than XP machines? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 19, 2007
======================================

"The young do not know enough to be prudent, and therefore
they attempt the impossible - and achieve it,
generation after generation."
--- Pearl S. Buck

=======================================

You're driving a bus that is leaving from Pennsylvania and
ending in New York.  To start off with,
there were 32 passengers on the bus.
At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on.
At the next bus stop, 2 people got off and 2 people got on.
At the next bus stop, 12 people got on and 16 people got off.
At the next bus stop, 5 people got on and 3 people got off.
What color are the bus driver's eyes?
---------------
Answer tomorrow.

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

'Twas in a restaurant they first met,
Romeo and Juliet.
'Twas there that he got into debt,
'Cause he owed what Juli ate.'

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a trucker in Paw Paw, Michigan Report sent in by Trish Wheelchair man gets highway ride Just read this and found it quite incredible, you may have seen or read about it as it's closer to you than me and may like to put it in your letter. The original site is http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/6732003.stm I hope this story gets to you as sent, my computer is being a bit dodgy at the moment. Regards, Trish -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The unidentified man was kept secure by his wheelchair's seatbelt A wheelchair user has been taken for a high-speed ride along a US highway after his handlebars became tangled up in the front grille of a lorry. The back of the 21-year-old man's wheelchair was scooped up as he passed in front of a lorry leaving a petrol station, Michigan state police said. The truck driver drove off, completely unaware that he had a new passenger. Passing motorists told police, who found the man unhurt - but still attached to the front of the truck. He had been kept in his wheelchair by a seatbelt. Police in the town of Paw Paw, Michigan, said the unidentified man told them "it was quite a ride", but complained only that he had spilled his soda. The truck reached speeds of 50mph (80km/h) as it drove down the Red Arrow Highway. After several miles the driver pulled over at the depot of a trucking company where police then told him about the man on his front end. He refused to believe there was a man in a wheelchair stuck to the front of his truck until he saw it for himself, police said. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Chenli in Wenzhou, China for this picture of red bayberries that she picked on the weekend. =========================================== An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years". "Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American. "I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time". "I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American. "Of course he will," said the Irishman. "I haven't been away at all". =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elmer Fudd II Re: Cost of XP machines Dear Webby, Why are XP machines, which do not require as big or as new components as Vista machines, $200 - $300 more expensive? Are Vista machines subsidized by Microsoft? Elmer Fudd II Dear Elmer If they are subsidized, you won't get anybody to admit that. Part of the reason is that Dell, when it still looked like Vista was going to be good and useful, promised to sell a certain amount of it, in exchange to get advance copies. Now they are struggling to keep their promise. The other reason is demand. XP machines are in much greater demand, and people ARE willing to pay $200 more for an XP machine than for a Vista machine. All Vista users, that I know, will buy an XP machine for their next machine. The only ones who rave about Vista are the paid shills at certain magazines, who prostitute out their credibility to keep their editors and advertising departments happy. It does not look like demand for XP machines will slow down in the near future. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 28, 2007 - Katmandu, Nepal - AP A Japanese mountaineer and his team have brought 1,100 pounds of garbage down from Mount Everest in his latest campaign to clean the world's highest mountain. It was the fifth trip by Ken Noguchi, who began his campaign in 2000. Noguchi, who was aided by two other Japanese mountaineers and 12 Sherpa guides, thinks Everest is much cleaner than before because more people are aware of the impact of leaving garbage on the mountain. ''During this year's cleanup expedition, I found that the amount of waste left on the mountain has been drastically decreased,'' Noguchi told reporters Monday. Noguchi says he's collected an estimated 19,800 pounds of garbage over the course of his five trips. Everest has been nicknamed the world's highest garbage dump. In recent years, however, the Nepalese government has tightened its laws, and climbers and their guides are now required to carry out all gear and trash or forfeit a $4,000 deposit.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Toy Wagon for Tools Keep an eye out for an old toy wagon at garage sales. They can be useful for pulling around your garden tools and keeping them together. Even a rusty wagon will do the trick. Sand down the rust, repaint and it will look great in your yard.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said, "You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic." And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying, "You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are a fish." --------------- Ketchup on steak? Barbaric heathen ! ============================================= COVERED SOOTHER I opened my door to find two tiny female puppies in a basket. I had often taken in strays, but this was so sad. Their eyes were barely open, they were about three weeks old but healthy. I dug out my pet bottles, mixed formula, then fed each wee girl. Both pups latched onto the nipple, sucking with vigour. I murmured to them, placed them in a box with soft towells where they curled up to sleep. Jasper, my Maltese, took one sniff, jumped into the box with the pups. I watched for awhile. When I came back, the girls had found a nice "soother" on my male dogs belly. Okay, out he went. Tinker is my sweet, old, spayed cat. Hearing the pups cry, she approached the box, meowing. Making up her mind, she leaped in with the girls, curled around them, to begin washing each little body. They loved her. Soft, warm, plus she vibrated. They nuzzled her dry old teats. I had to grin when she would spring up in shock but lay down to allow them to continue bunting her soft tummy trying to find nipples filled with warm milk. The problem was Jasper. He wanted in with the pups. When Tinker got out he gave her tail a good nip. The puppies were wailing, Jasper barking, the cat screeching, and I was darn good and tired. I fed the babies. Tinker slipped back in with them. Making sure Jasper peed, I found a tea towel, wound it around his tummy with masking tape, keeping his silky fur away from the tape, then popped him in with the pups and cat. Tinker purred, puppies slept.and Jasper didn't care that his "soother," was covered, he only wanted to be with the babies. The cat and dog glared at each other, but all was quiet. We slept. Later I checked the box then burst out laughing. The rivalry between cat and dog was solved. Each had claimed one pup in separate corners.They still glared at each other but, at least the house was quiet. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Dear Webby: It is such a pleasure to open up your Humor Letter each day. I am amazed at the amount of things you know. Common sense things, plus the other kind as well. Today's tip about the synthetic oil, for instance which you learnt in the Arctic, (no less!) and all your personal comments on Tips, which ad an extra touch to the one given. Another thing which pleases me is to read Stormy O'. All those animal quips give me a chuckle. Thanks a million for our daily morsel of humor, sound common sense and the fantastic pictures we get from you. Have fun! Manin ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Butchart Gardens
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Alternating High Speed accounts 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 18, 2007
======================================

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--- Joe Ancis

With or without religion, you would have good people doing
good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good
people to do evil things, that takes religion.
--- Steven Weinberg

=======================================

One day, Jed left his country home to visit the big city of
Chicago. As he sat at a bar, a Chinese man came up to
him and asked "Do you like riddles?"
Jed replied, "Boy, I sure do!"

So the Chinese man asked, "My mother and father had a baby,
it wasn't my brother and it wasn't my sister, who was it?"

Jed sat there and scratched his head and for the life of him,
couldn't figure it out. So he says, "I give up, who was it?".

The Chinese man replied, "It was me you dummy!"

Jed couldn't wait until he returned back home to try this riddle
out on his friends.

One evening, Jed, Kirsty and Lyn were sitting down having some
moonshine, when Jed said, "Hey guys, I've got a riddle for you.
My mother and father had a baby, it wasn't my brother and it
wasn't my sister, who was it?"

Lyn blurted out, "It was you, dummy!"
Jed replies: "No you idiot, it was some Chinese guy in Chicago!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from
each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he
told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my
grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never
lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it
back."

With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder.
It's my dad's."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darin Award goes to Mandy Deschambeault of Hawkesbury, Ontario, Canada Swift punishment May16, 2007 - Hawkesbury, Ontario, Canada - Reuters A Canadian hitchhiker, who stole an elderly man's car after he offered her a ride, died a few minutes later when she lost control of the vehicle and crashed into trees, police said. The crash happened near the town of Hawkesbury -- about 100 km (60 miles) northeast of Ottawa -- after the man stopped to pick up 20-year-old Mandy Deschambeault. "The male driver proceeded to step out of his vehicle momentarily at which point the female jumped in the driver seat, stealing the male person's car," local police said in a statement Monday. "She proceeded to lose control of the ... car, crossing the other lane hitting trees. The female was ejected from the vehicle and found to be without vital signs." Deschambeault was pronounced dead in hospital. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Hello Dear Webby, The poppies are in my front yard and are almost all done blooming now. They were beautiful this year weren't they? Well worth the effort of planting and nurturing them for a couple three years until they put on this display for us this year. Thank you for sharing them with all your readers. I think that many will also have enjoyed seeing them. JoAnn in Auburn Wash ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Alternating Highspeed accounts Dear Webby, My computer is for fun and a bit of research and after 5 years I've decided it's time to get off dial up. My problem: 6 months in Michigan, 6 months in Arizona. I've looked and looked at high speed providers and can't find one that will work between the two areas and also while I'm on the road. My present provider, Corecomm, works in all three areas but wow, it's getting slower and slower. You have to realize this "olde" gal is slowly coming into the next century, but good grief, there is so much technology to learn and small town living doesn't offer much help Can you offer any advice?? Having a lot of fun, Patti Dear Patti While on the road, you'll just have to go to hotels and motels that have high speed. As a rule of thumb, 3-star have wired Internet or free local dial-out, 4 star and up have wireless high speed Internet. Regarding the migration, call Earthlink and ask them if they have a Snowbird Special. 1-800-327-8454 Get the phone numbers for both locations ready before you call. They do have a fairly straightforward method for relocating, but best is if you talk to them. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 15, 2007 - Utica, New York - Gimundp On May 29, Madison Yesford’s 2-year-old brother, Matthew, was chasing a cat when it ran across the street near their Utica, N.Y., home. Madison, knowing her brother needed to stay out of the street, ran after him. Madison pushed her brother out of the way as a truck was approaching. The driver braked but hit Madison. The children’s mother, Jennifer Clive, called it her “worst nightmare.” “I ran after both of them, and before I got to them, there was screeching tires, and I knew something horrible had happened,” she said. Madison suffered a broken collarbone, a concussion and numerous scrapes – minor compared to what might have been. Her brother was uninjured. “I was going to get my brother out of the road, and the next thing I know, I woke up in an ambulance,” she said. Last week, New York State Sen. Joe Griffo gave Madison the State Liberty Medal, given in recognition of acts of heroism. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/317
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gas Saving Driving Techniques Use the correct speed for the gear you are in. Try to drive the speed limit and accelerate slowly when leaving the stop light. The fastest person through the intersection just gets to spend more on gas. There is no need to rev your engine before you turn your vehicle off, it just wastes gas. Here is a trick I learned in the arctic: Use synthetic WINTER oil all year round. It can easily handle summer temperatures, since the engine has a thermostat anyway. In winter put a rug in front of the radiator and over the engine, so that it reaches proper operating temperature. Even the best engine is a gas guzzler during warm-up, since it is programmed to burn extra fuel to heat up the engine to ideal temp. Without a rug it may never reach ideal temp until March! Change oil and air filters frequently, and vacuum out the duct from the front to the air filter intake. Any leaves or twigs in that duct cost you dearly in gas money, but no mechanic will ever tell you about that. They rather sell you expensive add-ons or better filters, that don't make much difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this had taken so long, I'm not sure I have time now." ============================================= FOR THE MALES Senior dogs have a sweet mellowness. His daily habits change, preferring a quieter life. There are humorous ways your maturing dog will show he has left behind his boisterous youth. He'll only sniff at the cat pan instead of munching the goodies inside. Barking at the cat from his bed is easier than getting up to chase her. At times he will slip into such a deep snooze, the cat will snuggle beside him. When he wakes to find her there, he'll pretend she doesn't exist. He'll ask you to lift him onto the couch and cover him with a blanket. He'll lick your hand, eyes drooping. You'll tiptoe not to wake him. Walks outside are now for stepping out the door, finding a nice patch of sunny lawn to flop onto for a long doggie nap. You'll give him a rawhide bone to chew, then laugh like crazy when you find he has gone to sleep, with the thing hanging out of his mouth like a huge cigar. He greets rambunctious pups with dignity. A simple lift of his lip will communicate to them to behave. If that won't work, he may growl deep in his chest. If the silly pups insist on using him for a ladder, he will leave looking disgusted at today's rude youth. Some things never change. When a female canine comes into his sight, he goes on full alert. Standing proudly, he displays the virility of his youth. When she leaves, he'll slowly fold up into a pile on the floor, glancing at you with the time honoured look between males, "Hey, may not be able to touch, but a dog's gotta look!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they start with a Rorschach test. He holds up the first picture and asks the man what he sees. "A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man what he sees. "A man and a woman making love in a boat." He holds up the third picture. "A man and a woman making love at the beach." This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says he sees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures. At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes and says, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex." And the man replies, "Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures." ========================================
Thanks to Kati for today's Bonus Link: E-nature Field Guides
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby:What can be done about spam? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 17, 2007
======================================

What this country needs is more free speech
worth listening to.
--- Hansell B. Duckett

=======================================

Excerpts from Letters Sent to Landlords

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children
until it is cleared.

2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming
from the man next door.

3. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

4. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running
away from the wall.

5. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the
kitchen.

6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
pieces.

7. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked
sidewalk.  Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now
pregnant.

8. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children
and would like a third, so will you please send someone
to do something about it.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is
a funny color and not fit to drink.

10. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My
wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable
for us.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A student from the University of Washington has sold his
soul on eBay for $400.  He's a law student, so he probably
doesn't need it, but still, that’s not very much.
Today, Hillary Clinton said, "Hey, at least I got some furniture
and a Senate seat for mine."   --Jay Leno

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to bank officials in Roses, Catalan, Spain Customer Service? May 15, 2007 - Madrid, Spain - AP A man making his first visit to a home he bought in a foreclosure a week ago in auction found the former owner's mummified body sitting on the living room couch, police said Tuesday. Coroners estimate the woman's remains had been there since 2001, when she stopped making payments on the residence in the coastal town of Roses in Spain's northeast Catalonia region. The body mummified instead of rotting partly because of the salty seaside air in Roses, a Catalan regional police official said, speaking on customary condition of anonymity. The woman, in her mid-50s, was estranged from her children in Madrid, and no one had reported her missing. She was not identified by officials. Authorities were surprised that bank officials who sold the residence after the foreclosure never bothered to examine it, the police official said. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Unfortunately I lost the letter that had this picture in it, and can't give the photographer credit until she writes again. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this story: A married couple walked into a tourist shop. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet! You got dem on de, wrong feet!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: What can be done about spam? Dear Webby, What can be done about spam? There must be some way to put a stop to it! Eileen Dear Eileen Spammers are protected by the CAN SPAM act. Unless you can buy more senators than they did, you are out of luck. You might be able to get a class action suit together against the Senate, for promoting spam and hurting the economy. Remember that when the time comes to vote, that the CAN SPAM act caused spam to triple over what it was before. If we had a canNOT SPAM law, that followed the money, it would be easy to lock up the spammers. If it was up to me, I would even penalize the idiots who send money to the spammers. In the meantime, I use MailWasher to filter the spam into the trash, unread. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 16, 2007 - Mt Everest, Nepal - Ananova A sherpa has scaled Everest for the 17th time - breaking his own record. Nepalese mountain guide Appa, 46, reached the 29,035ft summit with seven other sherpas on a charity expedition. They spent 20 minutes on the world's highest peak after filming their ascent for a documentary. Appa, who first conquered Everest in 1989, is three successful climbs ahead of rival sherpa Chewang Nima, 41. About 2,000 people have reached the top since Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay first did so in 1953.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Consider Fuel Efficiency The biggest and most important step towards saving money on gas is to try to purchase vehicles that get good gas mileage. The difference between 20 mpg and 30 mpg is huge with current gas prices. Compare the fuel efficiency of different vehicles at: www.fueleconomy.gov
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear that he didn't want to spend a lot of money. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, honey!" ============================================= Too Old I went along with a friend when she took her female Akita, Sasha to be bred. It is common practice for both the client and the owner of the dogs to oversee the mating, just to be sure a breeding did take place also to prevent the dogs from harming each other. The male was getting on in years but his owner didn't expect any problems. The impressive looking male Akita, General, was introduced to flirlty Sasha. She play bowed, spun in circles, barked, presented the baby making area to him. She was ready. Before she arrived, the owner had put a bowl of home cooked doggie stew out for General. The huge Akita looked at Sasha, looked at the bowl, back at the female. He put a paw on Sasha's shoulder as if in apology, then turned away to flop down in front of the stew to eat. Slowly, his eyes half closed, he was set to enjoy every morsal. I expected the owner to be a bit embarrassed. After all the client had driven 500 miles to have her Akita bred. Watching his male dog choose stew over a pretty female, he just shook his head then mournfully said ,"Please Lord, don't ever let me get that old!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar (also Gerorge Bush): My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Great Lakes, Gateway to America
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Files will not stay unzipped 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 16, 2007
======================================

Yesterday's test send from a new server machine went fine,
and completed in about half the time the old machine required.
That's good news, so from now on I will be sending the
Humor Letter from this machine: SRV727.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end,
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
--- Dorothy Parker

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth
about other people.
--- Philip Guedalla

=======================================

The following sign hangs in a local garage:

AUTO REPAIR PRICE LIST
Ping-Ping-Ping .......$  35.00
Plunk-Ping-Plunk ...$  50.00
Klunk-Ping-Klunk ...$ 125.00
Thud-Klunk-Thud ....$ 200.00
Clang-Thud-Klank ...$ 325.00

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Astrological After-sex Comments

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry -- pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me -- I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimble McDaniel and Michael Brown in Douglas County, Georgia Lack of planning June 12, 2007 - Carroll County, Georgia - WSBTV Police say two men suspected in a rash of Carroll County burglaries simply ran out of gas. Authorities believe Kimble McDaniel and Michael Brown were driving a U-Haul full of stolen goods when the truck ran out of gas on I-20 in Douglas County. When officers stopped to help the stranded truck they learned the men were wanted. Authorities said McDaniel and Brown face additional counts of pending burglary charges in two other break-ins. Police said they also found a stash of stolen guns in the U-Haul. McDaniel and Brown are now in a Douglas County jail. http://www.wsbtv.com/news/13491186/detail.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: I bought myself a new scooter. I wanted something that was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town. This seems to meet my EVERY need. I love it! Cookie ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An Italian cab driver was telling a George that only real men drive taxis in Rome. "We use our left hand for signals and our right hand to wave at women," he proclaimed. George asked, "But how do you steer?" "I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only *real* men drive taxis in Rome." That's when Georgette piped up: "Looks to me like you are steering with your potbelly, and talking with your hands, just like the cabbies in Chicago." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Files don't stay unzipped Dear Webby, Finding having lots of things encripted.How do I unzip and keep them unzipped? What is the purpose ?only to save space? When in zip, have no icon to show what's there., rather have the icons Sure I clicked on some thing to do it, Still love your site have learned a lot. Thanks Annette Dear Annette Because you are on AOL, your friends will send stuff to you zipped up, so that you can download it in this lifetime. When you unzip it, don't just click on it. That causes a temporary unzipping. To properly unzip it, you have to click on EXTRACT, and tell it where to park the full size extracted files. THEN you will get proper icons. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 15, 2007 - Erie, Pennsylvania - AP Though he lost the engagement ring and two wedding bands, the prospective bridegroom apparently found true love. A weeklong saga stretching from Pennsylvania to Italy came to a sweet end Thursday when Mike Peterson's future bride picked up the three rings at the Erie airport. Peterson at first thought the rings had been stolen, until he read a story on the Internet about a maintenance worker finding wedding rings under an airport seat. ''She picked up the rings this afternoon. They were happy to get them back,'' said David Bagnoni, public safety director at the Erie International Airport. "She said she was going to marry him.'' http://www.happynews.com/news/6152007/f ... -rings.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Cut Your Grass Too Short Most grass types can safely be mowed to 2 to 2-1/2 inches tall. Any shorter than that and you risk stunting your lawn's growth and really short grass does not retain as much water as longer grass.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a perverted act and a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." ============================================= VICIOUS BIT OF FLUFF It was something truckers did. On long hauls, they had a huge dog riding with them for company plus protection. I'm not sure when it began to change. Big brutes were gradually replaced by tiny dogs. My friend Hank shared his rig with a humongous male dog, named Slayer. Years later I ran into Hank in a restaurant. Slayer had retired. In his place was a tiny bit of fluff, a Pomeranian he called 'Sweetie.' In the restaurant, some obnoxious guys were bad mouthing truckers and their little dogs, sneering, "Those mops without handles, wouldn't be able to guard a pop can let alone a rig." Hank grew tired of the heckling. He invited the belligerent goons out to his rig. "Go ahead, open the door," Hank urged one of them. " Get in there, my dog is just a tiny Pomeranian." The creep opened the door, stuck his face into the cab, then shrieked , "Get it off me man, it's chewing up my face." He lurched backwards with Sweetie attached firmly to his nose. Hank grabbed his wee dog, shaking with amusement. The trouble makers sped by in their car, one leaned out the window and hollered, " You should get rid of that vicious thing before it kills someone!" "Yep," Hank smiled, "My dogs a real killer. She ain't got no sense of size." He chuckled, "But no one messes with my rig now that Sweetie's on board. I'm well guarded by this itty-bitty, tail waggin' bundle of dynamite." I was still laughing when Hank pulled out in his rig, Sweetie looking out the window, prepared to ferociously guard her territory again! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fancy Bathrooms
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Stuck Hourglass 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 15, 2007
Wear some red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.
--- Groucho Marx

=======================================

Thanks to Jai for this story:
A farmer in Culpepper, VA went to the local branch of
Wachovia Bank to borrow money for a new bull.

The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money,
came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and
wouldn't even look at a cow.  Banker Bill suggested that
he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next week Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped.

The farmer looked very pleased.  "The bull has serviced all
of my cows! He even broke through the fence, and bred all
my neighbor's cows!  He's been breeding just about
everything in sight.  He's like a machine!"

"Wow," said Banker Bill , "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.

"What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill .

"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from
his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed
with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said,
"I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to
drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied..... "I remember!!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong Lack of supervision June 13, 2007 - China - Ananova Two Chinese officials have been jailed for allowing a blind man to build a bridge which collapsed during construction. The contractor altered blueprints without getting them checked by a professional, causing the crossing to fall apart, injuring 12 people, reports Xinhua news agency. Head of the local authority Huang Wenge and colleague Xia Jianzhong have been sentenced to 18 months and one year respectively for not stopping the project. The court ruling, said: "Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong, who were in charge of road management and supervision, did not ask the contractors to provide certificates guaranteeing their proficiency. "When they knew the bridge was being built by a blind contractor, they did not stop it. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2373076.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
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=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Get a buzz of THIS wasp! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off. "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the s ame hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun. "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Closfolly Re: Stuck Hourglass Dear Webby, I need someone to tell me what I need to do to correct a computer problem. When I point mouse arrow at a website, then click, sometimes it will click onto the little 'hourglass' from the arrow & won't click back to arrow again. So, here I sit, waiting for it to make up it's mind to continue down the yellow brick road & some times it does but most times it won't! The only way I can continue on is to re-boot. It's becoming a pain in the patoot! It even does it when I start typing in the chatroom & after a couple of minutes, it goes back to normal. I have noticed it does it more frequently whenever there is something else going on behind the scenes - like various updates, etc. Is there some thing or some place I can click to try to correct this? Help! Help! Help! Dear Closfolly That sounds like a routine AOL malfunction. Once you upgrade to the real Internet, that problem will go away. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2007 - Flagstaff, Arizona - AP A basset hound that disappeared from its California home in December has been found 430 miles away in Arizona. The dog, named Fred, was found by an employee Wednesday in the parking lot of the Second Chance Center for Animals in Flagstaff. The next morning, staff members with the shelter found a microchip in Fred that let them figure out he was registered at Riverside County Animal Control. The shelter contacted Fred's speechless owner on Friday. The owner said Fred disappeared after she moved to Riverside in December. She didn't know how he could have ended up in Flagstaff. Paul Fink, a veterinarian at the Flagstaff shelter and a pilot, has offered to fly the dog home to his family. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/ ... 7372.shtml
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scare Away Birds With CDs CDs can be used to scare birds away from your garden or orchard. Just hang CDs from branches in your orchard or nail them to stakes in your garden and the reflective surface will frighten some types of birds. When AOL was still sending me free CDs, I used to make sun catchers with them. This is an older picture: Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her." "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law." "Yeah," John answered. "But not everybody gets theirs' pregnant." ============================================= GO GET HER KIP! Friends in the city invited me to a park to meet their dog Kip, that they had adopted from a shelter. One look and I could see trouble ahead. Kip was a Border Collie. He was briskly trying to herd some Canadian Geese strutting on the grass. 'Borders,' have been bred for generations to work at herding livestock. They are energetic, highly intelligent and if not working, will herd anything with a crazed intensity. Kip was sent to a doggy day care centre. The first thing he did was corral all the other dogs into a corner, keeping them there. Tired of that he learned to jump the fence, then would spend hours in the alley herding stray cats. Real trouble began when he discovered a bus that brought seniors to a centre to play bingo. Kip was in his element, herding those sweet old folks until they were all in the building. He'd lay outside the door panting, anxious for them to come out so he could herd them back onto the bus. The crunch came when he went to a nearby fire station. The firefighters complained that during a practice session, the blasted dog was intent on herding them back into the firehall. Kip's owners admitted defeat. He was taken to a farm His new owner was ecstatic with Kip. I asked if Kip was easing his work load with the livestock. "Oh sure, but that's not where my dog really shines," he said gleefully. "My mother in law has nagged me for 35 years. Now she just visits for a few minutes." He grinned wickedly, "She's still a nag, but when I've had enough I just tell Kip to round her up." He boasted, "Best dog I've ever had! You should see the old girl flying out to her car, my dog right on her heels. I should have bought myself a Border Collie the day I got married." He laughed, "Kip is my four footed equalizer!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nice old cars
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Javascript 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 14, 2007
======================================

"Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does."
--- Josh Billings

Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way.
Treat them as they can be and you help them become what
they are capable of becoming.
--- Goethe

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she
eagerly joined in on an exercise class.

However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and
requested cancellation of her membership.

When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low,
I cannot touch my toes!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Unk Wes for this story:
A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two
parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the
street when they came to a homeless person.

The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person
his business card and told him to come to his office for a job.
He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless
person.

Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another
homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to
the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare
office.

She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20.
She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the
homeless person $5.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suzanne Marie Butts, 38 of marshalltown, Iowa Expensive toilet paper! June 11, 2007 - Marshalltown, Iowa - AP Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison. "She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face." Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said. Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said. Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice. The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions. http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/biz ... 81181.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Got Dinner! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Javascript Dear Webby, do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You don't install Javascript. Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you already have installed. You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of pages won't work right. Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build shopping carts with it a dozen years ago. Even today, most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you don't allow scripting. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 13, 2007 - New London, Connecticut - AP A rare blue lobster has dodged the dinner plate and will live out its days at Connecticut's Mystic Aquarium. The 1.5-pound lobster turned up last weekend in a trap set by lobstermen Steve Hatch and Robert Green at the mouth of the Thames River in New London, Conn. Hatch said he'd heard about blue lobsters but this was the first one he's ever seen. Aquarium Curator Catherine Ellis said only one in 3 million lobsters are "true blue," meaning their color is the result of genetics and not the environment. But she said that once they're cooked, they'll turn red like any other lobster. The Day of New London newspaper reported that the men donated it to an aquarium, where it will live out its days in an elementary school classroom for children to learn about. http://www.wftv.com/foodnews/13494172/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Install a Rain Barrel Install a rain barrel under one of your corner gutter spouts to collect water for you plants and garden. There are many websites that have directions and parts needed. You can harvest a half gallon of water per square foot of roof area during a 1-inch rainfall.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly! replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ============================================= OH PLEASE DO, COME IN FOR TEA! We had just moved into our ranch house. The ladies of the community came by to welcome me to the neighbourhood. I was nervous, but passed out tea and sugar cookies. The women sat in a circle, grilling me about what I knew about ranch life. I had to admit my experience was limited. I wanted so badly to fit in. When one of the women mentioned that her son was preening over his Allis Chalmers, I stupidly asked if Allis was new here as well? A woman who looked like a puffed up hen, said, "Allis Chalmers, is a make of tractor." This was not going well at all. I poured more tea, pausing to listen to thumping coming from my back porch. Suddenly the door swung open. In walked my husbands two year old appaloosa horse, Little Bit. Dead silence. I wanted to drop through the floor. Little Bit was known for escaping his corral. In my wildest dreams I never thought he would crash my tea party. Stepping into the kitchen, he reached out and daintily took a cookie from the plate. Then another. I was red with embarrassment. I had no idea how to get a horse out of my kitchen. Then one of the gals exclaimed, "Well, if that isn't the cutest thing ever. Did you train him to do that?" It broke the ice, I felt the beginning of acceptance. Despite that, my husband was told in carefully worded language, to keep that blasted horse out of my house, or he'd find the critter on the barbeque. He took me seriously. I heard him laughing like a loon all the way to the barn. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A police officer, though scheduled for all night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: New Zealand
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Check mail from two machines 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  June 13, 2007
======================================

Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. -
--- Vince Lombardi

=======================================

Dear Mom,

Our Scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you
saw the flood on TV and worried.  We are OK.  Only one of our
tents and two sleeping bags got washed away.  Luckily, none of us
got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for
Chad when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her that he's OK.  He
can't write because of the cast. I got to ride on one of the
search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found
him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone
without telling anyone.  Chad said he did tell him, but it was
during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put a gas can on a fire, the gas can
will blow up?  Billy is going to look weird until his hair grows
back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car
fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck.  The brakes worked OK
when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you
to have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he
can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car.  He doesn't
care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us
ride in the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with ten people in a
car.

Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
  In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him
drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we
ever see up there are logging trucks.

Guess what?  We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When
Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a
tourniquet works.

Also, Wade and I threw up.  Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was
just food poisoning from  the leftover chicken. He said they got
sick that way with the food they ate in prison.

I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he
sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing
his time.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and
buy more bullets and dynamite.

Don't worry about anything.  We are fine.

Love,
Johnny

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the
father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high
so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor.  "Don't be in a rush to put
the lantern down ... I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that
lantern ...
It seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The Goober scratched his head in bewilderment, and
asked the doctor,

"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sara White, 20, of Turlock, CA Not now, I got a headache June 8, 2007 - Turlock, California - AP A bride-to-be who wanted to get out of a date with a man she met on a phone chat line is in trouble with the law, but it seems her future husband is more forgiving. Sara White is facing a misdemeanor charge of abusing emergency dispatch services for telling authorities she had been hit on the head and dragged into the trunk of a car while sitting in a Sacramento park. White said she concocted the story Monday after agreeing to meet a man—not the one she plans to marry—for a date in a Sacramento park. Instead of going ahead with the date, she called him and told him she had been kidnapped. The man called police, who dispatched 60 officers to search for her. The 20-year-old White continued the lie when officers called her cell phone. White was arrested and spent two nights in jail after police found her in her Turlock home. She says she feels bad about lying to the police. But her engagement is still on, and she plans to get married in April. http://cbs5.com/watercooler/local_story_159141954.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== When my aunt's youngest child was 3, he wanted a curse word that he could use. To appease the kid she told him that he could say, "Dag nabbit." Well, the problem was that when he said it, it came out as, "Damm Wabbit." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Check mail from two machines Dear Webby, Thanks for your previous help. I have another question which will probably go to Express Empress. I've looked over her site and don't see my question there, though. How can I use my Outlook Express from my desktop to my laptop using the same name and password. In other words how can I access the same mailbox from both computers and not lose the emails on my desk top. Thank you Barbara Dear Barbara With standard email programs you would set the program on the laptop to "Leave Mail On Server", and on the one on the desktop leave it on the default ("Delete mail off the server when downloaded"). So that you also have the OUT mail on the desktop, you simply BCC your replies to yourself. Hopefully that method also works on OE, otherwise, write to 6Aempress@fire-cat.com Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos A pair of 2-year-olds who wandered out of a vacation home and into the Australian wilderness were found Monday — scratched and dirty but unhurt — after spending more than 24 hours outdoors. A volunteer — one of hundreds who took part in the search south of the Western Australia state capital of Perth two miles from the home where Dakota Vincent and Trista Foley were staying with their parents when they disappeared. ''I heard what I thought was human voices and couldn't believe my ears,'' said Merrilyn Hutton, who found the children. ''I moved towards the sound ... then standing beside the scrub was a little red head and then a little white head popped up too.'' ''I just gathered them both up and she said 'Mummy' and I said: 'No, I'm not mummy, but I'm going to take you to mummy','' she said. Police Sgt. Graham Clifford said the pair spent about 26 hours outdoors, including a night when an inch of rain fell, temperatures were 52 degrees and cold winds blew. ''They were in amazing condition, a little bit grubby and dirty socks, but they weren't crying and they were very with it,'' Hutton said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Straw on Top of Your Potatoes When you plant potatoes, layer about 2 feet of straw on top. The plants will grow through and make potatoes on top of the ground and the straw will shrink down during the summer. By Glenita If you can't get straw, you can use an old cotton sheet, and poke knife holes where the potatoes are. They will send the greenery up through the holes and grow like crazy if you water them just a bit more than you would a lawn.. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased. In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "WOW! Look Gramma! You're as wide as Mom's bed!" ============================================= THEY AIN'T MY SIZE GEORGE! In northern Alberta, country women get together for any sort of social gathering. I had gone to a lingerie party where I purchased a selection of wispy, bright coloured undergarments. Before going to bed in order to freshen them up I hung the items on a clothesline, strung between two trees. Morning arrived, my favourite time of day. I took my coffee, quietly backed out of the door, turned around to come face to face with a huge moose. He was placidly munching away in my flower bed. I'm not sure who was the most shocked. We both froze. I was horrified, just thankful knowing that moose don't bite. He suddenly spun around, long legs pumping, headed for the bush. However his antlers caught in my clothes line. He just keep trucking, my pretty undies fluttering like flags around his head. A week later I ran into George, a local farmer. I liked George and his wife. They were both quite heavy set, living on the rich bounty of their farm. He told me, "The darndest thing. I went out to check fences. All through the bush I found ladies little bra's and panties. I stuffed them into the glove compartment." It was all I could do to keep a straight face when he muttered, "I'm in big trouble with my wife now." He continued mournfully, "She hasn't cooked a decent meal for days." I couldn't stop the giggles when he looked so puzzled and said, "She just won't believe me that I found all those wee things in the bush!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened? The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Pics
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Printable Calendars 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 12, 2007
======================================

"Great spirits have always encountered violent
opposition from mediocre minds."
--- Albert Einstein

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was
an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day,
decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate
Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he
knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was
alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else
was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Chuck for this report:
Your bonehead award for the guy, who got two speeding
tickets, reminded me of the time I was in Washington
(the State) eating breakfast at a little diner in the middle
of no-where.

In the next booth were 3 state police chatting and having
coffee.

One of them told the story of the time they had set up a
speed trap way out in the middle of nowhere. Long stretches
between small towns.

This guy comes along, really screaming.  Gets a ticket.
Goes a little way, stomps on the pedal and the next officer
in the line stops him and gives him another ticket.

The guy ends up with 5 speeding tickets.  He was thinking
that its so remote, there can't be another cop for miles.
And especially after the 3/4 ticket he knows,
there can't be another.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dwight Thomas, 19, of Amityville, NY Amok June 8, 2007 - Mineola, New York - AP A teenager who smashed his car through the front of a Long Island mall, careening 500 yards past screaming shoppers before blasting through an exit, was apparently angry with an ex-girlfriend who worked there, police said Friday. "It's a miracle that nobody was injured," said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a spokesman for the Nassau County police. "You've got kids, women pushing strollers, elderly people walking around. ... It's amazing to me that nobody was injured." Dwight Thomas, 19, of Amityville, pleaded not guilty at his arraignment in First District Court in Hempstead on felony charges of criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and third-degree arson. He was ordered held on $750,000 bond or $350,000 cash bail. His attorney, Arthur Edwards, told District Court Judge Norman Janowitz that Thomas has a mental condition and is being treated with prescription drugs, but did not specify the condition. "We believe this matter should be resolved in a non-criminal setting," Edwards told reporters after the proceeding. He did not elaborate. Repalone said that shortly before 7 p.m. Thursday, Thomas drove through the main glass doors of the Westfield Sunrise Mall in Massapequa. He continued past a JCPenney, passed the mall's central court, knocked over a kiosk and then made two left turns before exiting near a McDonald's. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/ ... 6238.shtml ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Something wrong with my p-mail ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Calendar maker Dear Webby, thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can print calenders..monthy ones. thanks Tam Dear Tam I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend some, but you can go to http://www.myfreecalendarmaker.com/ and generate and print them rightoff their site. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 8, 2007 - Cambridge, Massachusetts, - AP How many power cords does it take for Massachusetts Institute of Technology researchers to make a light bulb glow? None. They've come up with a way to make a 60-watt bulb glow by sending energy wirelessly from a device across the room. The breakthrough was published in the online version of the journal Science. The scientists have dubbed their finding WiTricity. It's not a new concept, but scientists had dismissed wireless juice as inefficient because energy generated by charging devices radiates in all directions. But leave it to an MIT physics professor to make it work. Researchers used specially tuned waves that radiate less to send the energy. The key is to get the recharging device and the gadget that needs power on the same frequency, similar to how a radio picks up only one station at a time. http://www.wsbtv.com/technology/13467131/detail.html -------------------------- Don't expect wireless power to replace copper in house wiring until long after electricity has become cheap enough to make electric cars economical. It will find use in special applications, like placing security cameras in awkward spots, where traditional wiring or changing batteries is difficult or impossible.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Water For Plants
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" ============================================= WEIRD QUESTIONS Actual questions I have been asked by pet owners. Q. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet bowl? A. Because you left the lid up. Q. What should I do if I find a snake in my yard? A. Scream, run like hell, leave it alone, he'll leave. Q. How can I keep myself dry when I bath the dog? A. Strip. Q. Why does my fish food taste so bad. A. You actually tasted the stuff?. Q.The pet store said my rabbits were both girls. Now there are baby bunnies. What happened? A. Take a deep breath. Ready? One is a boy! Q. The vet said to give my cat three pills a day. My cat won't swallow them. Should I put the pills up his bottom? A. Poor cat. Phone me first, I want to watch! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Walter for this story: A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!" ========================================
Thanks to Dorothy for today's Bonus Links: These are high quality professional movies, just shrunk in size for easy downloading. Dorothy has been a subscriber for about 10 years. Some of you will remember Dorothy's petitions to save wolves and bears from arial hunting, petitions where she got 10 - 15 times MORE signatures than the entire anti-immigration bill movement got. I agree that the way Kennedy twisted Bush's immigration plan to the exact opposite, it needed to be shot down and buried under the compost, but it was embarrassing that the entire collection of signatures against it amounted to not even a tenth of what Dorothy collected to save a few dozen wolves in the middle of nowhere in Alaska. By the way, Dorothy also makes some great wildlife screensavers, that could be a perfect Fathers Day gift, that is actually used every day. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby Been working on some new videos and here are 4 new ones to share in your Humor newsletter. Feel free to show them in whatever order and frequency you'd like. Bear Cub Wrestling Mom Bear Cub vs Flowers Bear Cub Tumbling Bear Cub vs Dirt Clod Thanks for all you do!!! Dorothy
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Securing a wireless network 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 11, 2007
======================================

A wise man gets more use from his enemies
than a fool from his friends.
--- Baltasar Gracian

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging
to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body,
it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive
religious experience.
--- Shelley Winters

=======================================

Thanks to Corrine for this story:

When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my
mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the
first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as

Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on
her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my
arm around her.

"You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-
honored fashion. "You're gaining a son."

"Oh, forget about that BS!" she wailed with a sob.
"I used to fit into that dress!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to
bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at
10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his
wife alive again.

He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped
out from behind some bushes and growled,
"What took ya so long? You're over two hours late."

"Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie.
"I have a 27 handicap."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to a kluzty jewelry thief in Yew York Klutzy thief May 22, 2007 - Bronx, New York - AP A thief fleeing a jewelry store was killed when his bicycle was struck by a bus, police said. Authorities said the 42-year-old man snatched a US$2,000 gold chain from the Bronx jewelry store on Friday and was making his getaway. A store clerk and two bystanders were chasing the man on foot when he pedaled into an intersection and was hit by a fast-moving bus, police said. The suspect was taken to a hospital, where he died from head injuries. Five passengers who were jostled when the bus slammed on its brakes were also examined at the hospital. "He lost his life for $2,000," said the store's owner, Lakhwinder Singh. "He'd sell it for maybe only two or three hundred. That makes no sense." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== That's not the sun, but a sun-dog, about 30 degrees to the left of the sun. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been screwing for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth.....!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Unc Wes Re: Keeping neighbors off your wireless Dear Webby, I have wireless, but always wonder if someone is "piggy- backing" off of my signel. How does one stop a neighbor from doing this? unk wes Dear Unc Wes Password your access. Or, if your neighbors don't have any hackabilly teenagers, rent them a share. Most routers are good for six shares. It is still a good idea to password your wireless and give each share a password. In many towns junior geeks go "war cruising" to find open networks, and use them to get onto the net to do all kinds of mischief. If you set up your wireless network according to the instructions at the link I printed yesterday, http://www.microsoft.com/athome/moredon ... setup.mspx setting the passwords is part of the setup. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 28, 2007 - Los Angeles, California - AP A woman who lost both legs and an arm as a child is poised to become a doctor for children. Kellie Lim, who became a triple amputee at age 8 because of bacterial meningitis, is to graduate from UCLA's medical school on Friday, and she plans to focus on childhood allergies and infectious disease. The Michigan native, 26, does not use a prosthetic arm and manages to perform most medical procedures — including giving injections and taking blood — with one arm. She walks on a pair of prosthetic legs. ''Just having that experience of being someone so sick and how devastating that can be — not just for me but for my family too — gives me a perspective that other people don't necessarily have,'' Lim said. Raised by a blind mother in suburban Detroit, Lim went through years of wheelchairs and painful therapy after toxic shock from the meningitis claimed her limbs and three fingertips on her remaining hand. Lim recently saw her childhood medical file, and learned that doctors had given her an 85 percent chance of dying of the meningitis. Just five months after the amputations, Lim returned to a normal school. Born right-handed, she learned to write and work with her left. Lim's teachers and fellow students said she exudes a calm that makes them and her patients forget her physical circumstances. Lim will begin a residency program at the UCLA Medical Center.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Water For Plants Don't pour water that you use for cooking vegetables down the drain. It works great for watering plants, especially when there is a water shortage. Fish tank water is also full of nutrients that your plants will love. Dish water and tub water can also be used. All the "Grey Water" can be used directly in your garden. Don't worry about buying phosphate free soaps and detergents so as not to fertilize lakes and canals, if you use your grey water in your garden. It loves that stuff! Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ============================================= START THE WHAT? I was a city girl, left on the farm when my husband was away. A blizzard hit. The temperature dropped, snow piled up, roads closed, plus the power went out. My house had an old wood cooking stove. I fired that up. I was feeling cosy, when I thought of the baby animals in the barn. Outside the freezing wind took my breath away. I gathered up three tiny piglets, tucked them inside my parka, got to the house then let them go. I put papers on the floor, used chairs to barricade them in a corner and dashed back.This round I brought in a box of chicks. They fit right under the stove. Next trip was harder, The shivering three day old calf was stubborn. I put a rope around his neck and we dragged each other though the drifts until we reached the house. The pigs had gotten loose, but I had one more trip to make. I had two pet rabbits, plus the farm dog had just had a litter of pups. With puppies in my pockets, a rabbit under each arm, mama dog followed me to the house. Bedlam! The chicks were all over, the calf was sucking on a tea towel, mama dog took one look at the pigs then tried to herd them, the rabbits chased the chicks and I still had pockets full of puppies. But, they would all survive the storm. I felt so proud. I was sure my hubby would praise me for my hard work. When he arrived home he just looked stunned. He finally looked at me and said, "Honey, these critters were fine in the barn. All you had to do was start the generator!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cabbage, Love it or hate it http://tinyurl.com/2yr389
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to set up a wireless home network 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 10, 2007
======================================

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
--- Benjamin Franklin

Humans are not proud of their ancestors,
and rarely invite them round to dinner.
--- Douglas Adams

=======================================

Judge: Did you or did you not see the gun being fired?

Witness: I did not see it being fired. I only heard it.

Judge: Well, that's hearsay. It's inadmissible as evidence.

As the witness left the stand and walked back to his seat,
his back was turned to the judge, at which point he laughed
out loud.

Immediately the judge recalled him to the bench and was
about to hold him in contempt of court.

Witness: Did you actually see me laugh?

Judge No, but I heard you.

Witness: Isn't that the same kind of inadmissible
evidence, Judge?

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

GOD AND DOG

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth
(especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could
labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog
might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep
the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an impatient driver in London, Ontario Expensive hurry May 19, 2007 - London, Ontario, Canada - Canadian Press A man in London, Ont., was so mad at being given a speeding ticket that he raced away from the officer, rubber burning. London police say that didn't go over well with the officer, who had just caught the man doing 84 kilometres an hour in a 50 zone and slapped him with a $157 fine and four demerit points. The officer nabbed him a second time and gave him another ticket and another two demerit points, this one for doing 69 kilometres an hour in a 50 zone. The driver also picked up a $110 fine for making unnecessary noise. --------------------------- And I bet he took his sweet time writing the second batch of tickets. And in Ontario they report the points to the insurance company. 6 points will probably just about double the insurance cost. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Oriental Pearl TV tower in Shanghai ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Richard for this story: My mom Molly, a difficult independent 75 year old, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on my mom's parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere... when there are a lot of people starving in Africa , says the stranger. Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, I can't throw that far!" She handed him the bun and stated "You bring it to them!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Wireless Home Network Dear Webby, Thanks so much for your Humor Letter, I look forward to it every day. You help a lot of people with tech stuff and was wondering if you could point me in the right direction for what I have in mind. I have a desk top Dell and a refurbished laptop Dell with cell phone Broad Band, WI-FI, DSL and dialup capability. I only use the cell phone Broad Band with Verizon when away from home on a month to month basis with my laptop, when I don't need it I cancel it so I don't have to pay for something I'm not using all the time. The question I have is what do I need to network with my desk top computer that is on DSL so I can use my laptop in another room without hooking up cords, etc. ? I hope I'm explaining myself so you can understand what I'm asking as I'm not all that computer literate. By the way, I live in West Tennessee in a rural area. Thank you for your help. Regards Barbara Dear Barbara You will need a wireless router, and a wireless network card for each machine. (if you haven't got them yet) The one for the laptop fits into the PCMCIA slot, the one for the desktop is a card that you stick into an empty slot in the motherboard. You probably already have the one for the laptop for use in hotels with wireless broadband. Go to http://www.microsoft.com/athome/moredon ... setup.mspx print out that page and follow the instructions on it. I really mean it about printing it out! You will be off the net during the installation and won't have access to that page. You will even have the computer off for part of it. It's easy if you follow those instructions step by step and checkmark each step when completed. With a print-out you can take your time. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 23, 2007 - Bloomington, India - AP A man who lost his wallet in 1970 got it back after 37 years with everything still inside. Workers renovating the Musical Arts Building on Indiana University's campus found the wallet sandwiched between two cinder block walls three weeks ago. An IU physical plant employee recognized John Mitchell from some of the pictures inside and contacted Mitchell's' son. "I was in bed asleep, and he said, 'They found your wallet,'" Mitchell said. "Well, that just blew my mind 'cause I didn't remember losing one.'" Mitchell, who was employed as a welder during the building's construction, said the wallet must have slipped from his pocket while he was working on some steel beams. The building was completed in 1971. Among the other items found in the long-lost wallet were Mitchell's driver's license, two credit cards, a Moose membership card and a layaway ticket for a $6 belt.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Track of Rebates As many as 40% of all rebates are never redeemed by consumers. Redeem rebates quickly after buying a product to help insure that you won't forget or lose the receipt. Some stores allow you to redeem rebates online, which saves you money on postage.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a ' fling ' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers, "I'm pregnant ! " Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What do you want to name yours ? ============================================= TRAINING WHOOPS Teaching your dog to do tricks is easy. All the books say so. Sometimes things go hilariously wrong. My Maltese puppy knows how to sit, and offer up a paw to shake. He just can't get them together. At play time he'll run to people on three legs, shaking his paw. Then he'll sit. Of course he gets attention, poor wee thing must have a hurt foot. Once at a dog show a cute Pug had stage fright. He went through his paces perfect, only going backwards, his eyes glued to his handlers face. The judge told a girl with a pretty Pomeranian to, "Circle around." Unfortunately, he made the motion with his hand. The tiny Pom did as she was told, every step of the way, she circled, and circled, with the crowd clapping, she circled to the end until even the judge laughed. A man watching, said condescendingly, "It's only those 'toy' dogs that can't get it right. Revenge is so sweet. He entered the ring with his handsome Mastiff. All went well, until the owner sneezed loudly. It sounded exactly like the command word, "Release." The Mastiff took him for his word and lit out to visit people in the stands. I should mention this was an amateur show, everyone got to put their dogs through a second run. Still it felt really good when best of show was pronounced. A four pound toy breed named, "Perfection," a Chihuahua! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his porridge every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Spylocked 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 8, 2007
======================================

I am more afraid of an army of one hundred sheep led by
a lion than an army of one hundred lions led by a sheep.
--- Charles Maurice

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them
pick   themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened."
--- Winston Churchill

=======================================

 Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called
 her insurance agent to file a claim...
 Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn
 insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!"
 The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane.
 Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the
 value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of
 comparable worth."
 There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd
 like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right quickly!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend
 and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue
 in the Netherlands flag.
 "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
 "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our
 tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
 "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see
 stars, too."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 409 virus seekers How dumb is dumb enough? May 23, 2007 - Helsinki, Finland - Reuters Computer specialist Didier Stevens put up a simple text advertisement on the Internet offering downloads of a computer virus for people who did not have any. Surprisingly, he found as many as 409 people clicking on the ad saying "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" during a 6-month advertising campaign on Google's Adword, said the IT security expert. "Some of them must have clicked on it by mistake. Some must have been curious or stupid," said Mikko Hypponen, head of research at data security firm F-Secure. There was no virus involved, it was an experiment aiming to show these kind of advertising systems can be used for malicious intent, Stevens said. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??'' replied the burglar, "She said she had an ax and two 38's!!!'' =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robin Re: Spylocked Hello, Do you have any sure-fire method of getting rid of the “Spylocked” virus? Have you heard of it? Thanks, RJ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM Dear Robin McAfee Virus Scan will get rid of it easily. And unlike your AVG, it won't rudely piss onto the bottom of your emails and advertise that you are not properly protected. You will need a McAfee VirusScan from March or newer, or the automatically updated version. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 24, 2007 - Somerset County, New Jersey - Red Cross On "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work" Day, many kids get to tag along to their mom's or dad's office and spend the day sitting in a chair. Two New Jersey boys had a very different experience last month when they worked side-by-side with their mother providing relief to victims of the mid-April nor'easter that dumped nearly 10 inches of rain on the state and caused severe flooding along the Passaic and Rockaway Rivers. Christopher and Matthew Sutton got hands-on experience assisting their mom, Amy, who serves as executive director of the Greater Somerset County Chapter, headquartered in Somerville. The nor'easter, which generated the largest Red Cross disaster response since the hurricane season of 2005, hit Somerset County especially hard. American Red Cross disaster relief workers, along with chapter volunteers and staff, worked around the clock offering shelter, distributing meals and comfort kits, and providing damage assessment, casework and counseling to residents of the flood-stricken area. Christopher, 13, and Matthew, 10, pitched in by distributing supplies and clean-up kits and visiting shelters and service centers with their mother. "It feels good to know that I can help people and that my mom is doing a great thing for people who need it, people who lost everything," Christopher said. The boys' father has been running the house while Amy helps storm victims, and Christopher has learned to do some baking from his grandmother so he can give his mom a treat when she gets home. Both boys say they are very proud of the job their mom does. "She's the only mom at school who operates a shelter," said Matthew. "She's cool."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Car Insurance Discounts Your insurance company may have discounts for military personnel, low mileage drivers, students with good grades and many other criteria. Be sure to ask what discounts are available, they should ask you a list of questions and will provide you with the discounts that apply. Don't count on them to volunteer all discounts! Remember, insurance agents often work on comissions. If you have five or more family members and or employees, join the local Chamber of Commerce. As a member you can get group insurance plans that are in a totally different class and can be as much as 50% cheaper. Chamber membership fees vary. For example our chamber, Diamond Valley Chamber of Commerce, charges $75 a year, the one in the town north of us charges $250. Shop around! Once you are a member, attend the monthly meetings and get to know the members. You'll be surprised at how much money saving information is freely traded amongst the insiders. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The accountant must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ============================================= SHADES OF SWEET CUJO VEGETABLE CALAMITY Snoopy was a black and white spotted Spaniel type dog I adopted. She and I formed a very powerful bond. I spent hours brushing her, murmuring what a smart dog she was. Until the morning I got up to find she had ripped every beet out of my garden. Beets that yearly, I won prizes for at our local country fair. I found beets everywhere. She had a small mountain of them piled up inside her dog house. I screamed loud enough to be heard in Texas. Snoopy headed for the barn on a dead run. She knew she had done a huge doggy wrong! I refused to speak to her for a solid week. Eventually, she crept back into my heart and arms. Later that winter, we were enjoying a meal at friends, Snoopy with us. My friend scrapped the leftovers into a bowl for my dog. Snoopy sniffed, pushed that bowl with her nose out of the kitchen, into the living room, then crept back, curled under my chair, unwilling to eat her dinner. I went to get the dish, and doubled over laughing. Mixed in with the scraps were beets! No way was she going to get herself in hot water twice. I hugged her, smiling, knowing my garden would be safe next year from a vegetable stealing dog. Smart dog indeed! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on you!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Pirated XP 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 8, 2007
======================================

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
--- Edmund Hillary

=======================================

Thanks to Bert for this story:
Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell
phone as a gift, I've asked him to use it to call home if he's
out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up
for him, I dozed off in front of the TV.

Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and
there had been no call.

Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I
demanded, "Where are you, and why haven't you bothered
to call?!"

"Dad," he sleepily replied, "I'm upstairs in bed.
I've been home for an hour!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

IS BARNEY THE EVIL ONE ?
 *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
 Everyone knows Barney ... that cute purple dinosaur.
 But here's something that you may not know:

 1. Start with the given:
     CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

 2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)
     CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

 3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
     CV    V  L  DI    V

 4. Convert these into Arabic values:
     100 5 5  50 500 1 5

 5. Add these numbers up:
     100
       5
       5
      50
     500
       1
    +  5
    ----
     666

 There you have it.....
 A valid mathematical proof that Barney is the Antichrist!

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chapman, 47, of Wilkinsburg, , Pennsylvania Impersonating May 26, 2007 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - AP A woman portraying a police officer as a TV extra took her part one step too far by entering a courtroom where her son faced a weapons charge, police said. Kimberly Chapman was working as an extra Monday on the Spike TV series "The Kill Point". Later in the day, she showed up wearing her police costume at a Family Court hearing for her son. Chapman, 47, of Wilkinsburg, told a court employee she was a police officer and was looking for the probation officer on the case, Pittsburgh police said. Ecker said she simply rushed to the courthouse without changing out of the faux police uniform. Police, however, said she identified herself as a Pittsburgh police officer to three people. They charged Chapman with impersonating a public servant and theft because she allegedly didn't have permission to leave the downtown set with the $500 uniform, which is now being held as evidence. A production assistant on the show, Katie Shenot, confirmed Chapman worked as an extra and that she didn't have permission to leave the set in uniform. Extras must turn in all uniforms and props, which are secured by having the extras leave their identification with the crew. Chapman said the criminal charges cost her the job. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Alkali Lake near Christmas Valley , OR ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so long to get something over here." "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: Pirated Windows I hope you can help me----- the person I bought my computer from unfortunately put a pirated copy of Windows XP on my computer. He built the pc for me and charged me a good price for it -----but I cannot get in touch with him , so I have to find a way to solve this problem. Of course, Microsoft won't let me do any updates, etc. because the validation key is telling them apparently that my windows XP is not a valid version. What do I do at this point? I don't know what I should do about this. Do you have any suggestions. I value your opinion and love your humor letter- it helps me to get through the day. Christine Dear Christine Simply tell Microsoft about the pirated copy. They have a much bigger stick than you do. Usually, when you report a pirate, they send you a legitimate version with box and CD, and take the cost of it out of the hide of the thief. There are three ways to report piracy. Method 1: Email piracy@microsoft.com Method 2: Call the Microsoft Anti-Piracy Hotline at (800) RU-LEGIT. Method 3: Go to the following web page to fill out an online reporting form: http://www.microsoft.com/piracy/ReportingUs.mspx Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 26, 2007 - Lakewood, Ohio - UPI A Lakewood, Ohio, landlord has been ordered by a judge to house arrest in one of his derelict buildings until he makes the proper repairs. Lakewood Municipal Judge Patrick Carroll ordered Richard Naumann to live in his Lake Avenue apartment building -- which has no heat, hot water, operable stoves or ovens -- until proper repairs are made to the two buildings he owns, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported Tuesday. Naumann, who will only be allowed to leave the building between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. for work, will also be outfitted with an electronic monitoring device on his ankle to ensure he abides by the judge's command, the newspaper said. All rent money collected by Naumann must also be turned over to the city of Lakewood beginning June 1 so that residents and the gas company can petition for reimbursement.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Egg Sandwiches When Camping Put a little cooking oil on a canning ring and put it in your skillet, crack an egg inside the ring and cook until the egg has solidified. The round eggs will fit perfectly in small hamburger buns, bagels, or English muffins. The trick is to let your egg rings heat up a while, before you crack an egg into them. If you are roughing it in the bush, cans with top and bottom cut out, work fine too. If you put a cover onto the can, you'll get a poached (steamed) egg. To cut down on the mess from leaking sandwiches, it's a good idea to scramble the eggs in a bowl with salt, seasoning, bits of bacon, ham, sausage, whatever; and then ladle that mix into the egg rings. You will get clean, no-mess egg patties. They will freeze OK with a bit of wax paper between the patties, and are a great way to utilize discount "crackers". Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: "You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95. I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says "Sure. Do you have the $69.95 in cash?" "I sure do," says the Swede, plunking the money down on the counter. At that point, two big thugs leap out of a closet, whack the Swede over the head, drag his unconscious body out the back door, stuff him in a barrel and drop the barrel into a river that flows past. A few moments later, a Norwegian guy walks into the same dingy storefront travel agency, holds up the newspaper ad and says: "I vant to go on this $69.96 voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says: "Sure, you got the fare in cash?" "Ya, you betcha," says the Norwegian, slapping the money on the counter. Again, the two big thugs leap out, pound him on the head, drag his limp form out the back door, shove him in a barrel and drop it in the river. After a while, the Swede and the Norwegian regain consciousness, and they find out that their barrels are bobbing along together. The Norwegian says: "Good Afternoon. Tell me, do you happen to know if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Swede shakes his head and says: "No, I don't think so. They didn't last year." ============================================= SHADES OF SWEET CUJO My neighbour Doug, a rancher drove into my yard, laughing so hard he sailed into my rose bushes. He had arrived home to find a tired, frightened, man sitting in a pickup, with a flat tire. Doug's ranch dog was standing quietly, wagging his tail. The fellow rolled his window down a crack, "Mister, you better sit right there.That damn animal is going to rip you to shreds." He added, "I've been here three hours, that thing won't let me out. He's savage! Just look at those fangs he's showing." I knew the dog, and had to grin. He was a cross between a Newfoundland, Saint Bernard, Husky and Akita. He was massive, looking like a shaggy black bear. One eye was a dirty yellow, the other blue. When he stood up with his paws on a pickup, he had to bend his head down to see inside. He'd look at the man inside, lift his lip showing an enormous set of fangs.To amuse himself, he'd push with his paws, rocking the truck. Doug got out of his truck, snapped an order to the dog, "Cupcake, come here." "CUPCAKE?" the man yelled."That's a killer, he's done nothing but snarl." Doug tried to explain, that when his dog showed his teeth, it was a doggy smile. He was as tame as a kitten. He changed the man's tire, then watched as he roared off in a cloud of dust. "Didn't matter anyway," Doug hooted, "Cupcake did me a big favour. The guy was from the bank!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you think these are all mine?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Photography http://www.allnature.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Re-install MSIE6 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 7, 2007
======================================

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.
But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing.
--- Marie Stopes

I am not a teacher. I am only a fellow traveler of whom you
have asked the way.
I pointed ahead, ahead of myself as well as of you.
--- G. B. Shaw

=======================================

And old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was
startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to
make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman.

"Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at
the wrong house."

"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy
assured her. "But you're forty years too late."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor.

The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who
has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.
The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I
was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't
mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends
who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of
those white tipped canes?"

"Yes I do," she replied.

"Then the next time someone says that hit them over
the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If
you had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to teacher Amy McTague of Conifer, Colorado Bimbo Malfunction May 22, 2007 - Conifer, Colorado - IBS The teacher who oversaw the production of a high school yearbook that depicted drug and alcohol use issued an apology Monday, saying it was "completely inappropriate." Conifer High School English teacher Amy McTague's apology was issued by the school district in response to a letter sent to them and the media that complained about the pages in the yearbook. Parent Karen Marshall said in her Friday letter, "I am absolutely outraged at what has been printed in our student's 2007 yearbooks released a few days ago." Her letter continued: "On p. 13, page title is 'Drug Addictions': there are pictures of students smoking pot, using bong paraphernalia, pictures of alcohol and prescription drugs with associated stories of each. Each caption is written in 6 pt. font so anyone over 40 would have to get their magnifying glass to read, which I feel was strategic on their part so parents would miss it, but its there all the same: 'I smoke pot because it relaxes me, helps me deal with situations...there's nothing wrong with it.' says a student." "p.33, there are pictures of police officers with stories of 'cops busting our parties' and 'law enforcement is a necessary evil' depicting law enforcement as an annoyance only to be disregarded if you don't get caught. I want our police officers to be respected for the heroes they are and this disgraces them and sends the wrong message. "p.71 titled 'Regrets and Mistakes', shows a picture of three female students holding an MIP (Minors in Possession) certificate, one girl smirking in this picture, with the caption "...my regret was telling the cop the truth when they busted our party." Less than two weeks ago Conifer High sophomores Justin Dorrance, 16, of Evergreen, Colo., and Clyde Gallegos, 16, of Pine, Colo., were killed when the Jeep Grand Cherokee that Dorrance was driving rolled over in Elk Creek. The Colorado State Patrol said that drugs were suspected as a contributing factor in the accident. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for this picture: "Vivi. wh. bloomed today" reduced from 2600 to 550 pixels wide cut out from original picture cut-out enlarged 2:1 The translucent golden dots that you see, greenish golden on the female flower parts and reddish where male parts shine through, are pollen. If you were standing in front of the plant, you would need a microscope to see that pollen. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Uninstall/re-install IE6 Hi Webby, Having problems with IE 6.0. Is there a way to uninstall and reinstall it? If so, would I need to save my Favorites or anything before doing so? An Avid Reader and User of Your Tips Bonnie Dear Bonnie Are you sure that IE6 is the cause of the problem, and not just a symptom? If you are sure you need to uninstall and reinstall IE6, the instructions are here: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/318378 And yes, you definitely would need to export your Favorites (Bookmarks): ALT F I N E Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 5, 2007 - Boston, Massachusetts - Boston Globe Thanks to Seababy for this Kudo :-) Shortly before landing, Bob Hayden and a flight attendant had agreed on a signal: When she waved the plastic handcuffs, he would discreetly leave his seat and restrain an unruly passenger who had frightened some of the 150 people on board a Minneapolis-to-Boston flight Saturday night with erratic behavior. Hayden, a 65-year-old former police commander, had enlisted a gray-haired gentleman sitting next to him to assist. The man turned out to be a former US Marine. "I had looked around the plane for help, and all the younger guys had averted their eyes. When I asked the guy next to me if he was up to it, all he said was, 'Retired captain. USMC.' I said, 'You'll do,' " Hayden recalled. "So, basically, a couple of grandfathers took care of the situation." The incident on Northwest Airlines Flight 720 ended peacefully, but not before Hayden, a former Boston police deputy superintendent and former Lawrence police chief, and the retired Marine had handcuffed one man and stood guard over another until the plane touched down safely at Logan International Airport around 7:50 p.m. Hayden said the unruly man's behavior upset some passengers. One told Hayden the man had said, "Your lives are going to change today forever," as he shouted and refused to take his seat before takeoff and at various times during the nearly three-hour flight. "Some people were crying," Hayden said. "I thought it might be a diversion. I kept scanning the back of the plane to see if anyone was going to rush forward. The flight attendants did a great job, literally surrounding the two guys who were making all the noise. I told one of the flight attendants I was a retired police officer and would be willing to assist, so we agreed on a signal." Hayden said he and the retired Marine, whose name he never got, received an ovation from fellow passengers, and "some free air miles." http://www.boston.com/news/local/massac ... _in_check/
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camp Grill Cooking Tips Apply cooking spray to your grill to keep food from sticking. When cooking it in a pot, use a lid. The food will cook faster and it will help keep dirt and insects out of your meal. Wrap potatoes and other vegetables in foil with a little butter and spices to cook on the grill.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!" ============================================= IF I DIDN'T HAVE A DOG * I would not be on a first name basis with 6 veterinarians *I could leave the house without poop bags *I could buy a couch without having to think of extra space needed for the dog. *Words like, ball, walk, car, treat, could be spoken out loud instead of having to spell them. *I would only have to vacuum once a week, not several times a day to collect drifting dog hair. *I would not have to explain to non-pet people why I buy and wrap dog bones, treats, or toys to give my dog on his birthday. *My furniture would not look like of beavers lived in my home. *I could walk barefoot in the grass without wondering when I'd step in a fresh dog turd. *I could go out into public, without dog hair floating from my clothes. *I could have a bowl of ice-cream and not feel forced to share each bite with a drooling dog *I could take a vacation, and not have to phone the boarding kennel 10 times a day to see if the dog was happy. *I would yearn for the unconditional love my dog gives me. *I would cease to be a hero, in my dogs eyes *How empty my arms and life would be, if I didn't have a dog. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Old Granny went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mining Hall Of Fame http://www.mininghalloffame.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Temp File 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  June 6, 2007
======================================

Any event, once it has occurred,
can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
--- Lee Simonson

We are what we pretend to be,
so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
--- Kurt Vonnegut

=======================================

Re Sue's flowers, the following guesses came in:
Libby: Hydrangea
Kim: Wild Hydrangea
Chris: They are called Cashmere Bouquet;  cleredendron

I looked that one up and it does seem a very close match.



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this classic:

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U. S.
involvement in Iraq, here's a sobering statistic:
There has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq
theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of
2,112 deaths. That gives a violent death rate of 60 per 100,000
soldiers. The violent death rate in Washington D. C. is 80.6 per
100,000 persons for the same period. That means that you are
about 25% more likely to be shot or knifed and killed in the U. S.
Capital than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The U. S. should pull out of Washington.

------------------
Some nitpickers will probably want to snivel about those
stats being a few months out of date. Don't waste my time
with that. The point is in the punch line, not in how current
those numbers are.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jochen and Maria Ranstett, 56, from Weiden, Germany Embarrassing Tie-Up May 23, 2007 - Weiden, Germany - Ananova A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains - and then losing the key to the padlock. Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp. After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen's mobile phone. He said: "It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this. "I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Kim for this picture: Wild Hydrangea ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Phil for this story: My two-year-old daughter, Paige, was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Paige kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of the other patients laughing hysterically. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: CJW Re: Temp File dear webby. question is there anyway to block this folder %temp%. type it run. see the email below about the question posed to me. thanks helmut! cjw MICROSOFT HAS A SECRET TEMP FOLDER THAT TAKES QUITE A BIT OF SPACE. TO DELETE THIS FOLDER GO TO START, RUN, AND TYPE IN %TEMP%. THEN OPEN, SELECT ALL AND DELETE. YOU 'LL GET A MESSAGE CANT THIS FILE, CLICK OK AND MOVE TO THE NEXT ONES. MAKE SURE ALL OPEN WINDOWS ARE CLOSED. WHEN I STARTED HAD 1700 ITEMS, FINISHED WITH THREE. DO THIS EVERY SO OFTEN. MARY REAL SIMPLE!! LOL CJW Dear Chuck What kind of Caps-Locker BS is that? The temp folder is not secret, never has been secret, and never will be secret. It is at C:\Documents and Settings\YourName\Local Settings\Temp There are more temp files in the same area. So what? You can use CrapCleaner to weed them out, but your browser will be slower, when it has to download stuff instead of re-using it. Honestly, it's not a sinister conspiracy to catch "Agent CapsLock". However, just because you are paranoid, that does not mean they are not out to get you! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 23, 2007 - Hanover, Germany - Ananova A German pensioner who hid her life savings in a vacuum cleaner dust bag because she didn't trust banks had them thrown out by her cleaner. Margarethe Willemsen, 80, from Hanover, had stashed her life savings of £57,000 in an old vacuum cleaner bag. But a new cleaning lady she had employed found the bag in a cupboard and threw it out, thinking it was rubbish. Willemsen managed to get the cash back though after she called the local rubbish collection service - which sent a team to sift through 45 tons of rubbish at a tip to find the bag. She said: "I thought it would be the perfect place to hide my cash but I was obviously wrong."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bringing Batteries on Camping Trips Before packing electronic devices or flashlights, remove the batteries before and store them in a ziplock bag. That way if something accidentally gets flipped on, you won't run down your batteries. That will also avoid embarrassing incidents in airport security, like my nephew experienced, when his razor got turned on by baggage handlers tossing his luggage around.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given." ============================================= KLEPTOMANIAC CAT The first time I saw my cat 'Tinker,' she was a kitten in a hardware store. She was happily digging in the cash register, sending coins flying. The owner shooed her away, but not before Tinker grabbed a $20.00 bill in her mouth and sped off with it. I thought she was cute. I took her home.Over the years she has stolen jewellery, pens, pill bottles, a watch, wax candles, keys, oven mitts, set of dentures, underwear, and yes, money. She hides her loot in her cat pan, pillowcases, in the laundry, shoes, even my purse. I have received many odd looks when I've opened my purse to find candles or shiny spoons. Not funny when I'm in a restaurant. I'll never forget the day at the bank, when a pair of my husbands briefs fell out of my purse. The bank manager was a very moral man. He knew my husband was away from home working. I was asking for a loan. I didn't get it. A friend spent the night at my house. She was extremely upset when her birth control pills went missing. Her husband was even more upset as he was booted to the dog house until she renewed her prescription. The pills showed up a week later, lodged in between my cook books. Once I had to explain to a cranky mother in law that my cat had stolen her dentures.They were in Tinkers cat pan. I boiled them before handing them back to the irate old lady. I really should be given an award for not grinning like a demented thing, when she popped those teeth into her mouth then announced she would be leaving. Ah, my Tinker cat. Thief or not, she is a champion! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Recipees from the Egg Board http://www.aeb.org/recipes/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to open a PayPal account? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 5, 2007
======================================

Pride is concerned with who is right,
humility is concerned with what is right.
--- Ezra Taft Benson

=======================================

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready
to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the
 kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his
 wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

  Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
  Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

 Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly
 decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site.
  Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her:
 "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back
  as soon as I hear the shot".

  Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't
  bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes
pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

 Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her
  stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
  Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he
   hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of
 gunfire.

 Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a
  cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
  The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!!
  You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

ONE RECRUIT in our platoon at Fort Knox, Ky., had an unusual
habit. No matter what lowly detail he pulled, he would smile.
On a 20-mile hike with full backpack, this guy beamed from
ear to ear. Cleaning the latrine had him smiling as if
he'd just heard a comedy routine.  But on our long-awaited
graduation day, everyone was grinning except him.
"Why," I asked, "aren't you smiling today?"
"Because, now," he said, "it won't drive our drill
instructor crazy!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek, Colorado Sore Loser May 31, 2007 - Eagle Creek, Colorado - UPI Police were looking for an Oregon man who allegedly locked three pigs in his home hoping they would trash it after the house went into foreclosure. Detective Jim Strovink of the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office said Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek had been distraught about the foreclosure and joked to neighbors he had locked the pigs in his home more than a week ago without any food or water, KGW-TV in Portland, Ore., reported. Deputies responded to a neighbor's complaint about the pigs and found the inside and outside of the house had been trashed. Thomas Getten, an animal rescue expert, said the pigs were dehydrated but otherwise healthy after he coaxed them outside. The pigs had an escape route all along through the busted back door, but refused to make the jump to the patio below the door. The sheriff's department was asking anyone with information about Lovett's whereabouts to contact them. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-197513-551966 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sue for this picture: Can some one help me.....tell me the name of these flowers? They start by making a gob of small red berries, then the berries burst with pink flowers. Gorgeous. Sue from Crowley, Louisiana ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they were alone in the Church. "Where Reverend?" she enthusiastically replied. "Right here on the floor." he panted. "It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up?" "Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses?" he shouted. "If anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: How to open a PayPal account Dear Webby, how do you set up a paypal account? I have wanted to know but kept forgetting to ask you. I look forward to your humor letter every day. my hubby & I have learned lots of things from you. THANKS Carol Dear Carol Just go to http://paypal.com and click on the "Sign Up" link in the top right corner. It will ask you the usual stuff, but not as much as when you sign up for a bank account downtown. Just fill that out, and you'll get your account. You can run it like a debit card account, so that you can only use whatever money you got in it, or you can back it up with a credit card, so that it can fall back onto that, if you are a bit short on a purchase or for example are buying more Skype Out minutes in the middle of a long phone call. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 25, 2007 - Greenville, South Carolina - AP A Goodwill Industries worker who turned in more than $5,000 she found in donated pajama pants will get to keep the money because the owner could not be found. Kelli Owens, a 21-year-old single mother of three, was sorting donated clothes as part of her training at Goodwill earlier this month when she found the money. She took it straight to her supervisor. ''She will get to keep the money,'' Goodwill spokeswoman Crystal Hardesty said Friday. ''It's being invested into a scholarship fund.'' Owens plans to go to Greenville Technical College to pursue a career in law enforcement. ''I just want everybody to be proud of me knowing that there is someone out there that is honest,'' Owens told WYFF-TV on Thursday. ''I couldn't keep it because it belonged to somebody else, you know. I couldn't live with myself knowing that.'' The money was in an envelope with a note naming the intended recipient. The giver wrote that he or she hoped the money would be spent wisely. Goodwill officials talked to more than 30 people, but none could give the right description, the name on the letter or where the donation was dropped off.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Waterproof Matches Here are a couple of ways to make your own waterproof stick matches for camping trips. Melt a small amount of paraffin wax in a double boiler and dip your the match head in the melted wax, then let dry. Or, coat the match head with clear nail polish. Regular, cheap BIC lighters don't suffer from falling into the water. They float nicely and work just fine after air drying a few minutes. If you need an extension to reach deep into a camp stove, a strand of uncooked spaghetti works great. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man was telling a friend about a nudist party he'd been invited to. "I rang the bell and the nudist butler opened the door." he stated. His friend interrupted, "How did you know he was the butler?" "Well, he answered smoothly, I could tell right away that it wasn't the maid." ============================================= DELICATE DISTINCTION I took my Maltese dog to a park to play with other dogs. It was a social time for people and pets. When my dog began to tire, I scooped up dog and blanket, said my goodbyes and we left. I was a block away when I noticed a man the size of a truck running after me yelling. It was getting dark. I took off, my dog bouncing in my arms. He kept coming. I was a bit frightened, hurried to a place where there were people and stopped to catch my breath. As he got closer he kept hollering, "Check the damn plumbing!" Just what I needed, some weirdo! My dog was struggling in my arms when the guy finally slammed to a stop in from of me. "Look, " he growled as he held his dog, a Maltese. He pointed to the dogs belly," This is a male." Tipping up the dog in my arms I saw I had a female. I have never been so damn embarrassed in my life. As we exchanged dogs. the crowd around us started to laugh. The man suggested I put a blue ribbon on my Maltese next time. I had grabbed the wrong dog. They were identical, unless you checked out the plumbing. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== THE COP WHO BUSTED YOU SAID WHAT... "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "In God we trust, all others are suspects." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old Time Radio http://www.otr.net/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to make a screen saver 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 4, 2007
======================================

People with courage and character always
seem sinister to the rest.
--- Hermann Hesse

=======================================

Just as John got in the door, after staying at the bar a bit
too long, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times. He realized his wife would probably wake
up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to
escape a possible conflict.

Next morning the wife asked him what time he got in and he
told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew!

Got away with that one!

She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock. When
he asked her why, she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said
'Oh, f@#%,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, snickered, and finally cuckooed
twice more, and then it farted."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The company next door was encountering so many errors,
they are now seriously considering buying a computer to
blame them on.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Casper, Wyoming Fire-EMS Department Anything to get some exercise in fresh air May 9, 2007 - Casper, Wyoming - AP The response was quick and complete: When a passer-by called Tuesday to report a worker dangling from a Western Area Power Administration tower 150 feet in the air, authorities responded by sending Casper Fire-EMS rescue and command units, two Natrona County sheriff's vehicles, a fire protection district rescue unit and a Life Flight helicopter. All to rescue a dummy. Dave Neumayer, district manager for the power company, said the rescue dummy had been suspended from the tower last week as part of a training exercise. Lightning slowed plans to remove the dummy from the tower. The passer-by couldn't have known that. But Neumayer said the Casper Fire-EMS Department should have known - they participated in the training exercise. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for this picture: Finally found a way to stabilize my weight! I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years. We must get the word out. Kati ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute." Marie snapped. "You're just saying that to make me jealous." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Taurus Re: Making screen Savers Dear Webby, As I have told you many times, I love your Dad's pictures of his cacti. I would like to make them in to screen savers, but my senior mind has forgot how. Can you help me? I have learned many things from your computer tips and enjoy the letter immensely. I like the links you have on left side as they remind me to click on them & feed the poor, animals, and the breast cancer sight. You do lots of good for so many. Many thanks, Taurus. Dear Taurus The easiest way to make a screensaver is this: Use the Windows File Explorer to find your "My Pictures" folder. Make a new folder inside that and call it Archive Switch the File Explorer to Thumbnail view, Click on Folders, so that it shows the folders on the left side. (This works much better in Classical mode) Drag all pictures that you don't want included in your screen saver into the "Archive" folder. Save any new pictures, that you want included, into the "My Pictures" folder. Right-click on the desktop, Properties, Appearance, Screensaver Select "My Pictures" Set the delay time, and hit OK a bunch of times. From then on you will have a slide show of the pictures in "My Pictures" as a screen saver. If you want to make screen savers to send to friends, pick one from http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q ... &meta= Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 14, 2007 - Shuyang, Jiangsu,China - Ananova A Chinese grandmother who went to hospital with a headache was found to have had a bullet in her head for 64 years. Jin Guangying, 77, of Shuyang town, Jiangsu province, went to to Shuyang Leniency Hospital for an x-ray. "We were surprised to learn there was a bullet inside her head," her son, Wang Zhengbang, told the Yangtse Evening Post. Jin remembers that she was shot in 1943 during the Second World War by the invading Japanese army when she was taking supplies to her guerrilla father. "I was 13, living along the railways in Xuzhou city. One afternoon in September, my mother asked me to take a meal to my father and his colleagues who were fighting the Japanese," she said. "I was spotted by the Japanese army. They ran after me and opened fire. A bullet passed through the corner of my right ear. I hit the ground and lost consciousness." When Jin regained consciousness, she was already back home in bed. Her mother applied herbal medicines to the wound. Amazingly, she recovered after three months. Jin later learned that the bullet had gone through the arm of a person beside her before hitting her head. The chief surgeon, who removed the rusty bullet, was amazed it had remained in her head for so long without causing major problems. "The fact that the bullet lost strength and speed passing through another person, and that the point it struck is not vital, may explain her survival," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beverage Cooler for Camping Bringing a cooler just for beverages when camping. That way, people can get into the cooler for beverages without letting cold air out of your food cooler. Also, save space by freezing some water bottles. You will have some fresh water on hand and not have to pack as much ice.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never quite got caught." ============================================= DISCIPLINARIAN OR PUSHOVER Feeding beloved pets gives us a warm feeling of satisfaction. Like us, pets love food that isn't good for them. How often have you crept out to the kitchen in the middle of the night to indulge in a snack only to be followed by the family critters. Animals seem to have a built in radar that alerts them the second the fridge door is opened. You hiss at them to go back to bed. However they consider the food to be as much theirs as yours. What you eat, they want. They know how to bully you emotionally plus are professionals at making you feel rotten to the core if you don't offer them a bite. I am convinced all pets come equipped at birth with knowledge of how to make humans suffer from extreme guilt. What they aren't born knowing, their mother's must teach them. Where do you rank with your fur-kids?A complete pushover or with discipline needed to say no! I'm afraid my critters have me well trained. I happily share! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00. She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition. She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?" "Well," she said, "it's my husband's car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: 'In Miami. Need bail money. Sell car'." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Marbles http://www.glassartists.org/Gal27134_Marbles.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Assign choice of program to open files 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 3, 2007
======================================

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
--- Edward Gibbon

Because things are the way they are,
things will not stay the way they are.
--- Bertolt Brecht

Someone who knows how to play the accordion,
and doesn't."
--- Al Cohn's definition of a gentleman

=======================================

Thanks to Karl in Denco for this story:
A German, a Frenchman, and an Israeli were out working in
the desert. Finally they got back into town and went into
the tavern.

Says the German:  "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have a
glass of beer."

Says the Frenchman:  "I'm tired and thristy, I must have a
glass of wine."

Says the Israeli:  "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have
diabetes."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A cowboy is sitting in a bar.  A man comes up to him and
asks, " Are you a real cowboy?"

"Yep" replies the cowboy.  I ride the range looking after
the cattle and I fix the fences."

"Cool" says the man.  I've always wanted to meet a real
cowboy.  "Let me buy you a beer."

So, the cowboy and the man chat for awhile, and the man
leaves.

A few minutes later a woman walks up to the cowboy.
"Are you a real cowboy?"

"Yep" replies the cowboy.  I ride the range looking after
the cattle and I fix the fences."

"I'm a lesbian" says the woman.

"What's a lesbian?" asks the cowboy.

"Well, when I wake up in the morning I'm thinking about
women.  When I'm in the shower I'm thinking about women.
When I'm eating I'm thinking about women.  Hell, I'm always
thinking about women."

"Hmm" replies the cowboy as the woman walks off with
her drink.

A few minutes later another man asks if he's a real cowboy.

"Well, up until a few minutes ago, I thought I was."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Damion M. Mosher, 18, of Lake Luzerne, New York Dumber than a bullet May 14, 2007 - Lake Luzerne, New York - AP A teenager who put bullets in a vise and whacked them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings was wounded in the abdomen by approximately the 100th bullet he hit, according to Warren County deputies. Damion M. Mosher, 18, had been discharging .223-caliber rounds, placing them in a steel vise, putting a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with the hammer, deputies said. Deputies were called to his home in Lake Luzerne shortly after 5 p.m. Saturday when one bullet went about a half-inch into his abdomen. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital and was released. No charges were filed. Mosher told authorities he was trying to empty the rounds to collect the brass casings for scrap. An employee of Capitol Scrap Co. in Albany said Monday the business pays $1.70 a pound for scrap brass shell casings. Cleveland said Mosher's shells amounted to just a few pounds. -------------------- Unless they were stolen, he could have sold the ammo to a local shooting range for good money. .223's are not cheap! ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Connie for this: Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . . I'm sorry. . .what did you ask me? =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Choice of picture viewer Dear Webby, Whenever someone sends me a picture attachment, the Windows picture viewer pops up with the attachment. How can I change it so that my Picasa shows the picture instead of the Windows picture viewer? Is it even possible to change it to something other than that? Thanks and have a great weekend! Sincerely, Joyce Dear Joyce Go to MyComputer Tools Folder Options DON'T do what Microsoft says at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/307859 they are a bit confused about it. Instead click on File Types After a while, it will fill it's window with all the file types and shows what programs are associated with them. Find JPG, and change it's file association to Picasa then do the same for GIF. When done, hit OK until you are out of all that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 15, 2007 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - AP Ryan Lipscomb lived to tell how it felt to have a truck run over his head. "Really strange," he said. Lipscomb, 26 of Seattle, suffered a concussion but was otherwise unhurt. He was shaken up, especially after he saw his mangled helmet. Lipscomb, a graduate student in medical physics at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, was riding down a bike path in Madison on Friday afternoon. As he approached an intersection, he said, he noticed the oncoming delivery truck preparing to make a right turn in front of him. The truck wasn't going to stop, Lipscomb said, so he slammed on his brakes, flipping his bike and landing in the street. A moment later the truck rolled over his head. "I didn't see it coming, but I sure felt it roll over my head," he told The Capital Times newspaper. "It feels really strange to have a truck run over your head." His black helmet was flattened, tread marks visible on the cracked frame. Lipscomb was taken to a hospital and released about three hours later.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Items For Your Cooler Keep meat cool for longer when camping by freezing it before packing it in your cooler. You can also freeze prepared meals ahead of time like soup and chili. For long trips here are a few additional tricks: (With long trips I mean 7 - 14 day canoe trips in the wilderness, where there are no truckstops to get ice or supplies) Carefully plan the meals so that the perishables are used up in the first few days. Fill all empty spots in the cooler with dry ice. Unlike regular ice, do NOT put dry ice into ziplock bags! Dry ice is actually just compressed carbon dioxide snow and when it thaws, changes to gas. Drill a small air hole into the cooler lid to prevent a pressure build up and the lid going into orbit. If you can't get dry ice, use regular ice in ziplock baggies to fill every nook and crannie. Don't put all food into one cooler, but use a separate cooler for each canoe. Plan to carry the coolers for Kayakers on the canoes. You will still drift faster than they can paddle anyway. Cover the coolers with wet blankets. As the wind evaporates the water, it will take most of the evaporation heat from the cooler. Carry separate day-coolers and put the stuff, that you will need that day, into it in the early morning, so that you don't have to open the big coolers during the day. Keep your digital camera in a ziplock bag with a zipper knob. Only partially open the bag for taking pictures, so that you will not forget to put it back into the bag. If you think you can't enforce that, use disposable cameras. They float and are not harmed at all when they fall into the water. On a long trip they will. I know. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young and arrogant pilot wanted to "show off" on the aviation frequencies as he was approaching an airfield during the night. So, he disregarded policy and, instead of making an official request to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The air traffic controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?" ============================================= Big Joe, the local eccentric banged the door open to the coffee shop. "Ya see that dog outside with the lady?" he hollered. "She works for the bloody government" Joe was on his favourite rampage. He blamed the government for every wrong in the town. Joe was vibrating with anger. "She told me that dog has a nylon coat." He slammed his hand on the table. "Just look at that poor dogs ears. Damn govt, they been experimenting on that wee thing. They blew its ears up to the size of saucers." I took another look at the 'experimental' dog, trying to keep a straight face when I told him, "That's a Papillon. That's French for 'butterfly' as those dogs are bred to have big ears. The fur is normal, only said to be like nylon as dirt doesn't stick to it easily." I added, "They are very bright little dogs." Joe pondered for a moment." Well, that's sure for a fact then, the government had nuthin' to do with it." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred had died. He said, "you know, ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!" ========================================
Thanks to Deeli for today's Bonus Link: Let's try it with the long link instead of a short snip URL Looks like we hit them too hard and knocked them off. "Remember Me" by Lizzy Palmer http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=e ... autoplay=1 An other link to it is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0&eurl=
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Memory Error 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 2, 2007
======================================

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear
and the blind can see.
--- Mark Twain

Business opportunities are like buses,
there's always another one coming.
— Richard Branson

=======================================

Thanks to Noella for this story:

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His
wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning,
I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250
in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure
enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the
driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to
the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new heavy duty bathroom
scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning.
"I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."

"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said.  "We'd like
to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."

"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Wojtulewicz of Highley, Arizona Snivelling Ninny Hmmmmm.... Have to pay for a yearbook but still can't have freedom of speech because of 'political correctness'. Great Granny Vi sent me the link for this story ...... May 17, 2007 - Phoenix, Arizona - The Arizona Republic A Higley High School senior claims that God was edited out of his biography in the school's yearbook, prompting him to seek an explanation from the school on Wednesday. Anthony Sciubba, 18, an honors student and athlete who plans to become a doctor and Christian missionary someday, was one of 13 seniors to receive a special full-page tribute in the yearbook, which was distributed Tuesday. Students selected for the tribute were nominated by teachers at the Gilbert school. The text accompanying a photo of Sciubba, shown wearing his letter jacket and holding a Bible, reads that "according to Sciubba, he owed all of his success to others." Sciubba said that he specifically credited God but was told Tuesday by Jennifer Wojtulewicz, the yearbook's faculty adviser, t hat "God" could not be printed because of concerns over separation of church and state. Sciubba said he met Wednesday morning with Shannon Hannon, the school's vice principal, and was told that the school would consult with lawyers on the matter. Sciubba ranks fourth in the senior class and carries a grade- point average of 4.6. This week, he was one of 27 students in the Southeast Valley to receive a $2,500 college scholarship from Ronald McDonald House Charities of Phoenix. He also has received a $10,000 award from Toyota. "All these great things have happened to me, but it's all from God," Sciubba said. "God is a controversial figure, and people say that because of that, I can't give credit to him." ---------------------------- Whether or not somebody believes in God is their own right and privilege. I think Sciubba can sue the sniveling ninnies for defamation, slander and libel. They deliberately changed his quote to state something totally different from what he said. As editors they can leave out his quote, but they can not change it to the opposite or something that different. Good grades credited to "others" implies cheating at exams. Good grades credited to God implies that the student has a belief that kept him on the straight and narrow, and focused on studying rather than partying. A good lawyer could probably get him a six or seven figure settlement. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon with the story. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of the runway, parked, and climbed on board. Off they flew into the clear blue skies. At about 5,000 feet, the reporter took out his camera and said to the man flying the plane, "Bank right and I'll take some pictures of this fire." Then he heard the most frightening questions of his life, "Bank right? How do I do that? You ARE the instructor, aren't you?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marsha Re: Memory Error Dear Webby, Thank you for the GMail invite. I was wondering if I would have to change my humor letter subscription but am very pleased to see that I do not. I have been running Crap Cleaner, often, as it is temporarily fixing the error message I am getting but the message keeps coming back. I have been considering reformatting the computer as it has had constant problems. My dilemma is that I attend college online at the Art Institute Online. I have a break coming up in a few weeks and was going to do it then. My question is, is there another solution without reformatting? If I do go ahead with the format is there an easy way to transfer files to my other computer? I have a desktop with XP that I would be transferring to, from a laptop with XP both are on a wireless network. Also, how would I prevent overlooking any files? Thanks for any advice! Marsha P.S. The error I get refers to memory being low and it pops up when I close IE. Dear Marsha Most likely your laptop has less than 1 GB RAM, and less than 20% free disk space. Consider adding more RAM and getting a larger hard drive at the same time as you do the formatting. Then you can stick the old hard drive into a $15 USB remote hard drive enclosure and use it as a back-up drive. That allows you to do a clean install onto the new drive, and still have all your files untouched on the remote pocket drive. You can get a 100 GB drive nowadays for about $80. If that is not in the budget, make a plan of what on the laptop is actually worth saving, and drag that to the desktop machine, but ignore all the wacky utilities and supposed fixers and registry cleaners and similar stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 31, 2007 - Shelby, North Carolina - AP A radio listener helped save a disc jockey who suffered an on-air seizure and pleaded for help before passing out in his studio. WOHS DJ Tim Biggerstaff, who has suffered from diabetes since childhood, has always been candid about his health. When he felt a seizure about to strike Monday, he called out to his listeners. Gerald Weathers heard the plea and raced to the nearby studio. Since Biggerstaff was the only person working on the holiday, officials contacted another WOHS radio employee to unlock the door. Biggerstaff was found unconscious inside. "It's quite frankly a bloody miracle that I am here at all," said Biggerstaff, 46. This isn't the first time a listener has saved the DJ's life. Three years ago, a listener donated a kidney to him when he needed a transplant. http://snipurl.com/1n2nq
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organized Camping Meals Here's a tip to save to help you organize your meals when camping. Measure ingredients for a recipe into small ziplock bags and then place those into one large bag with a label. It makes meal preparation a snap and ensures that you don't pack a lot of extra ingredients.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ============================================= A few questions I've been asked about dogs. Q. Why does our family dog claim our favourite chair as his own. A. Same reason you do. It's probably soft and comfortable, nice cushions or a blanket to cuddle into. The chair is likely placed in a spot where there aren't any drafts, or beside a window so he can watch the world go by. But more likely, because the chair smells like you. Sitting in your favourite chair, when you're not around comforts him so he's not quite as lonely. Learn to share. Q. Do dogs have bellybuttons? A. Yes, but you'll have to look really closely to find it. It's the same as with humans, a dog's bellybutton marks the spot where the umbilical cord was attached before he was born. Q. I have two long haired Persian cats. My small dog insists on sleeping with them, and is quite aggressive about sharing their bed. Should I stop him from doing this? The cats lick him, I don't think that is good for them. A. Now that's one smart dog! If the cat's are allowing him to join them in their space they can't be all that concerned. He gets to sleep with soft fluffy cushions that vibrate. Cat's like to groom, if they are in grooming 'mode' he's going to get scrubbed. It sounds like the three have it all worked out. Just enjoy. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly. "There are twelve of us." ========================================
Thanks to Deeli for today's Bonus Link:: "Remember Me" by Lizzy Palmer http://snipurl.com/1n2o8
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: New Critter Corner 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 1, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time.
--- Deborah Chaskin

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...
well, I have others.
--- Groucho Marx

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she
collapses from a heart attack!

'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.

The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few
minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the gr! een and stares at him.
'I'm dying over here and you're putting?'

'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly. 'they found a
doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'.

'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?!

'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting
stroke.  Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

    KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO..

Alabama
Hell Yeah, We Have Electricity.

Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona
Yeah, But It's A Dry Heat.

Arkansas
Lituracy Ain't Everythang.

California
By 30, Our Women Have More
Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts , only smaller

Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
And Our Voting Skills.

Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky
Five Million People;
Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine
We're Really Cold, But We
Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our
Senators Are More Corrupt!

Michigan
First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians

Minnesota
10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes

Mississippi
Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing
Crazies, and Honest Elections!

Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada
Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Your ##$%##! Motto Right here!

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...
And No Right To Self Defense!

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon
Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee
Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

Texas
Se Hable Ingles

Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont
Too liberal for the Kennedy's

Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And
Slackjawed Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington
Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin
Come Cut the Cheese!

Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
Home of Brokeback Mtn.

The District of Columbia
The Work-Free Drug Place !

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sabrina Walker of Hopkins, Minnesota Rerport sent in by Chris O BAD example (WCCO) Police say a Hopkins school counselor mistakenly received a $2.6 million check intended for the Hennepin County Medical Center and went on a spending spree before reporting the mistake. Sabrina Walker is accused of using the money to buy a sports car, jewelry and electronics as well as a CD, a treasury bond and two retirement accounts. "I can't fathom to it. I can't relate to it. She's delusional. I just can't come up with an excuse for it. It's one of the craziest cases I've ever had," said detective Brandon Deshler of the Minnesota Financial Crimes Task Force. "She immediately, and I'm talking within hours began pulling out cashier's checks, cash. She brokered the two Land Rover deals," said Deshler. Walker took the money out after she called the Minnesota Department of Human Services to ask about the check six weeks after she got it. "We hadn't heard back from Hennepin County Medical Center yet that they didn't receive the check so it went through the system and she had it for a period of time before it was discovered and she ended up being the one to tip us off," said Tim Wilken, the Department of Human Services Assistant Commissioner. Administrators at the Department of Human Services are now working to try to eliminate the kind of human error which caused the $2.6 million to land in the wrong mailbox. "It's as simple as a typographical error," said Wilken. "Obviously we had a weakness here and it slipped through the cracks. We don't find it acceptable and we're going to make sure we address it as soon as possible." At Hopkins High School, where Walker was a school integration specialist, it was the buzz in the halls. "It's kind of shocking to know that someone that's supposed to be helping and supposed to be guiding you through school that she would do something that was so wrong," said sophomore Molly Korman. Walker remains in jail and is on administrative leave from Hopkins High School pending the outcome of the case. http://wcco.com/crime/local_story_150194736.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. "An Ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Andersons have company, he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike!" Looks like the Sanders are moving!" "Jason is on his skate board...." After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having Sex!!" Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, How do you know they are having sex?" " Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Dipsticks Dear Webby Check that dipstick site, can save a whole 2 cents by driving 10 miles, think it's worth the trip, ha ha Roland Dear Roland Some of us buy more than one gallon at a time, and often the difference is 10 - 20 cents. However, the main idea is to prove to the gas stations, that we do compare prices, and that we support the station with the lowest gas price. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Birdbath Use two large stackable plastic bowls. Nail one of them onto a fence post, and set the other one into it. That way it will be held securely in any wind, but is easy to remove for cleaning or filling.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
============================================= Out canvassing for a charity, my friend Irene and I knocked at a door. It was opened by a huge bear of a man, who was wearing a large black bra, over his shirt. Irene, being a devout Catholic, crossed herself, backed up ready to make a fast retreat. I asked politely for a donation, trying to keep my eyes from wandering to his protruding undergarment. He grinned evilly at me, "Wanna feel em?" Horrified, I turned to leave, when one side of his bra came alive with motion. Irene was now crossing herself with a flurry, muttering, "Jaysus, Mary and Murphy." She was begging the saints to protect her, when a tiny tail flipped out of his bra. "Oh my sweet Lord," she squealed, "He's got rats in his boobs," bolted for the car, offering up 'Hail Mary's.' as she tore off the porch. An old lady came out of the house, glared at the man, who just grinned back. He put his hands up to cradle both cups, which were now writhing with movement. She turned to me asking, "Did he ask you to play with them?" "Yes", I gulped. "Well," she said, patting my hand, " He's not too bright, but it's not what you think." She ordered him to pull his bra out so I could peek inside. Hesitantly I watched, while he pulled the garment down. When I got a good look I burst out laughing. Tiny muzzles with whiskers, long sinuous bodies, small heads with bright beady eyes, stared back at me. "Their mama died," he explained, " This bra is the perfect place to keep them warm." Both cups were filled to the brim with tiny baby ferrets. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== An instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking lady knocked on his door. "Yes?", he replied, "how may I help you?" The lady said, "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class." "Come in and have a seat," said the instructor. "Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?" "What do you mean by *anything*?" he replied. She said, "Anything!" "Anything??" She said, in her best sultry voice, "I mean ANYTHING." The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you ... .... study?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Crayon Artist http://tinyurl.com/2yym7y
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dipsticks 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 31, 2007
======================================

 "Let us never negotiate out of fear;
but let us never fear to negotiate."
— John F. Kennedy

=======================================

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed
a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the
couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their
destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to
get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver
noticed a fork in the road,
and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"No way, get your own," said the groom,
"this one's all mine...."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded
man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving
his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to lawyers Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland in Chicago, Ill Dumb Ad May 9, 2007 - Chicago, Illinois - AP A racy billboard proclaiming "Life's short. Get a divorce" caused such an uproar that city workers stripped it from its downtown perch after a week. It wasn't so much about the partially clothed man and woman on the law firm's ad. It was the phrase that lawyers Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland chose that drew scores of complaints from neighbors and from other attorneys who said it reflected poorly on their profession. A city alderman who lives nearby found a technical reason to jettison the sign. "I called the building inspector and told him to do his job and he did," said Alderman Burton Natarus. "It has nothing to do with content or anything else. They did not have a permit and they were ordered to take it down." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?" "No sir," answered the man. "Did you ever get any from his wife?" "No sir." "Did you ever get any from his daughters?" "Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "we're still talking about drugs here, right?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wes Re: Oil Shortage Dear Webby Oil Shortage, ... Dipsticks in Washington... Wes Dear Wes There is no oil shortage. We have millions of capped wells here in Alberta, waiting for some demand. The same in Alska. The dipsticks are all over, not just in Washington. You have a Free Enterprise economy. The gasoline price is not set in Washington, but by the gas stations. And they set it according to the local gullibility index. As your country is swinging towards the Socialist side, you definitely show the oil companies and gas stations that the sheep are in a gullible mood. As long as the sheep buy from higher priced stations, instead of first checking at http://www.gasbuddy.com/, and consistently buying only from the lowest priced stations, the price has not peaked yet. When a gas station owner sees the sheep and the dipsticks paying five cents more across the street, then naturally he is going to raise his price too. The only way you can lower the gas prices is by checking at GasBuddy or similar sites first, and boycotting stations that charge more than the absolutely lowest price for your area. If your neighborhood is not listed yet, volunteer! It only takes a few seconds to report. And above all, educate the dipsticks in your area to check the gas prices first, not just the cleavage of the gas station attendants. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 13, 2007 - Toronto, Canada - Canadian Press The air at Toronto City Hall was filled with feathers Saturday as about 200 people whacked total strangers with down-filled pillows. The massive public pillow fight was held in front of city hall and at 3 p.m. when the signal was given, chaos filled the square for more than half an hour as pillows burst and feathers coated innocent bystanders. Most of the participants were teenagers and young adults. Many dressed up for the occasion, wearing bandannas, ski goggles and capes. The younger children mostly watched from the sidelines, seeming confused and a little disappointed at all the grown-ups who had taken over their fun. The fight was organized by Newmindspace, an interactive public art co-operative.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy a Programmable Thermostat A programmable thermostat can save you 10% annually on your heating and cooling costs. They are easy to install and can be purchased at any hardware or home improvement store for about $50. That way you aren't heating or cooling the house when no one is home.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again.' " =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world. RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room. RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Scotch Tape Art http://www.squizzle.com/picview.asp?id=18643
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Budget computer recommendation 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 30, 2007
======================================

Happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have;
it depends solely on what you think.
--- Dale Carnegie

=======================================

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET
MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows
who had been rivals all their lives followed different career
paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the
other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"
The Admiral approached, bowed, and said
"Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis Grout, 19, of Coralville, Iowa Crackerhead May 8, 2007 - Iowa City, Iowa - AP A man faces up to 25 years in prison if convicted of throwing a firecracker inside a Coralville mall. Travis Grout, 19, has been charged with first-degree arson, public intoxication and interference with official acts for an incident April 16 at Coral Ridge Mall. According to police reports, a witness saw Grout light a 3-inch long firecracker and throw it down a hallway toward a restroom. As it exploded, it propelled two pieces of cement through the hall, reports state. Grout left the area with four friends. Police said the area had "countless" people, but it was unclear whether anyone was injured. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandy for this picture of her Peace Lily ===========================================
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=========================================== My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about the policy again. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Stormy O Re: Computer recommendation Dear Webby I'm giving my Toshiba lap top to my son. What would 'you' recommend for someone who loves to download everything, save up "stuff' and writes? Any help here would be appreciated! The computer store here says they can build one for me, keeping in mind what I want it for. They start at about $1,1000. I am on a diet concerning income, so have to be really sure of what I buy. Thanks, have a super day, stormy O' Dear Stormy O I have heard about the computer stores in your town. Forget them. Get yourself the cheapest DELL with Windows XP for $379 http://configure.dell.com/dellstore/con ... C521SX_R_E and increase the RAM to 1 GB. That costs $50 more. And that's it! Anything else is just for bragging on the school bus, but won't make any difference, that you would notice with what you use the machine for. If you have a budget to kill, add a nice, fashionable flat panel monitor: 17 inch E177FP Analog Flat Panel [add $150] Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Sent in by Ross This girl either saved her life or prevented serious trauma by quick thinking and use of her father's shotgun. 11 year-old girl shoots two illegal alien home intruders Two illegal aliens, Ralphel Resindez 23 and Enrico Garza 26, probably believed they would easily overpower a home alone 11 year old Patricia Harrington, after her father had left their two story home. It seems the two crooks never learned two things, they were in Montana and Patricia had been a clay shooting champion since she was nine. Patricia was in her upstairs room when the two men broke through the front door of the house. She quickly ran to her father's room and grabbed his 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun. Resindez was the first to get up to the second floor only to be the first to catch a near point blank blast of buck shot from the 11 year olds' knee crouch aim. He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals. When Garza ran to the foot of the stairs, he took a blast to the left shoulder and staggered out into the street where he bled to death before medical help could arrive. It was found out later that Resindez was armed with a stolen 45 caliber handgun he took from another home invasion robbery. The victim of that robbery, 50 year old David Burien, was not as lucky. He died from stab wounds to the chest. The 11 year-old girl staved off a robbery and potential rape because her parents taught her how to use a gun. Her parents didn't just didn't a gun in the house and not educate her on the power that a firearm provides. They taught her how to use it properly.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Twist Ties and Rubber Bands Twist ties work well for wrapping up power tool cords and keeping wires together. Rubber bands also have a variety of uses and are good to keep handy. Take an old bike inner tube and cut it into rings to make some heavy duty rubber bands.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Morris for this story: One day, while driving with my then 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't say 'A********!' after beeping!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: US Cities by size http://tinyurl.com/3cqjgm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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