Dear Webby:What can be done about spam? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 17, 2007
======================================

What this country needs is more free speech
worth listening to.
--- Hansell B. Duckett

=======================================

Excerpts from Letters Sent to Landlords

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children
until it is cleared.

2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming
from the man next door.

3. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

4. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running
away from the wall.

5. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the
kitchen.

6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three
pieces.

7. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked
sidewalk.  Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now
pregnant.

8. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children
and would like a third, so will you please send someone
to do something about it.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is
a funny color and not fit to drink.

10. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My
wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable
for us.

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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===========================================

A student from the University of Washington has sold his
soul on eBay for $400.  He's a law student, so he probably
doesn't need it, but still, that’s not very much.
Today, Hillary Clinton said, "Hey, at least I got some furniture
and a Senate seat for mine."   --Jay Leno

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to bank officials in Roses, Catalan, Spain Customer Service? May 15, 2007 - Madrid, Spain - AP A man making his first visit to a home he bought in a foreclosure a week ago in auction found the former owner's mummified body sitting on the living room couch, police said Tuesday. Coroners estimate the woman's remains had been there since 2001, when she stopped making payments on the residence in the coastal town of Roses in Spain's northeast Catalonia region. The body mummified instead of rotting partly because of the salty seaside air in Roses, a Catalan regional police official said, speaking on customary condition of anonymity. The woman, in her mid-50s, was estranged from her children in Madrid, and no one had reported her missing. She was not identified by officials. Authorities were surprised that bank officials who sold the residence after the foreclosure never bothered to examine it, the police official said. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Unfortunately I lost the letter that had this picture in it, and can't give the photographer credit until she writes again. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this story: A married couple walked into a tourist shop. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet! You got dem on de, wrong feet!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: What can be done about spam? Dear Webby, What can be done about spam? There must be some way to put a stop to it! Eileen Dear Eileen Spammers are protected by the CAN SPAM act. Unless you can buy more senators than they did, you are out of luck. You might be able to get a class action suit together against the Senate, for promoting spam and hurting the economy. Remember that when the time comes to vote, that the CAN SPAM act caused spam to triple over what it was before. If we had a canNOT SPAM law, that followed the money, it would be easy to lock up the spammers. If it was up to me, I would even penalize the idiots who send money to the spammers. In the meantime, I use MailWasher to filter the spam into the trash, unread. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 16, 2007 - Mt Everest, Nepal - Ananova A sherpa has scaled Everest for the 17th time - breaking his own record. Nepalese mountain guide Appa, 46, reached the 29,035ft summit with seven other sherpas on a charity expedition. They spent 20 minutes on the world's highest peak after filming their ascent for a documentary. Appa, who first conquered Everest in 1989, is three successful climbs ahead of rival sherpa Chewang Nima, 41. About 2,000 people have reached the top since Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay first did so in 1953.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Consider Fuel Efficiency The biggest and most important step towards saving money on gas is to try to purchase vehicles that get good gas mileage. The difference between 20 mpg and 30 mpg is huge with current gas prices. Compare the fuel efficiency of different vehicles at: www.fueleconomy.gov
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear that he didn't want to spend a lot of money. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, honey!" ============================================= Too Old I went along with a friend when she took her female Akita, Sasha to be bred. It is common practice for both the client and the owner of the dogs to oversee the mating, just to be sure a breeding did take place also to prevent the dogs from harming each other. The male was getting on in years but his owner didn't expect any problems. The impressive looking male Akita, General, was introduced to flirlty Sasha. She play bowed, spun in circles, barked, presented the baby making area to him. She was ready. Before she arrived, the owner had put a bowl of home cooked doggie stew out for General. The huge Akita looked at Sasha, looked at the bowl, back at the female. He put a paw on Sasha's shoulder as if in apology, then turned away to flop down in front of the stew to eat. Slowly, his eyes half closed, he was set to enjoy every morsal. I expected the owner to be a bit embarrassed. After all the client had driven 500 miles to have her Akita bred. Watching his male dog choose stew over a pretty female, he just shook his head then mournfully said ,"Please Lord, don't ever let me get that old!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar (also Gerorge Bush): My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Great Lakes, Gateway to America
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Files will not stay unzipped 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 16, 2007
======================================

Yesterday's test send from a new server machine went fine,
and completed in about half the time the old machine required.
That's good news, so from now on I will be sending the
Humor Letter from this machine: SRV727.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end,
I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
--- Dorothy Parker

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth
about other people.
--- Philip Guedalla

=======================================

The following sign hangs in a local garage:

AUTO REPAIR PRICE LIST
Ping-Ping-Ping .......$  35.00
Plunk-Ping-Plunk ...$  50.00
Klunk-Ping-Klunk ...$ 125.00
Thud-Klunk-Thud ....$ 200.00
Clang-Thud-Klank ...$ 325.00

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Astrological After-sex Comments

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry -- pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me -- I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimble McDaniel and Michael Brown in Douglas County, Georgia Lack of planning June 12, 2007 - Carroll County, Georgia - WSBTV Police say two men suspected in a rash of Carroll County burglaries simply ran out of gas. Authorities believe Kimble McDaniel and Michael Brown were driving a U-Haul full of stolen goods when the truck ran out of gas on I-20 in Douglas County. When officers stopped to help the stranded truck they learned the men were wanted. Authorities said McDaniel and Brown face additional counts of pending burglary charges in two other break-ins. Police said they also found a stash of stolen guns in the U-Haul. McDaniel and Brown are now in a Douglas County jail. http://www.wsbtv.com/news/13491186/detail.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: I bought myself a new scooter. I wanted something that was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town. This seems to meet my EVERY need. I love it! Cookie ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An Italian cab driver was telling a George that only real men drive taxis in Rome. "We use our left hand for signals and our right hand to wave at women," he proclaimed. George asked, "But how do you steer?" "I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only *real* men drive taxis in Rome." That's when Georgette piped up: "Looks to me like you are steering with your potbelly, and talking with your hands, just like the cabbies in Chicago." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Files don't stay unzipped Dear Webby, Finding having lots of things encripted.How do I unzip and keep them unzipped? What is the purpose ?only to save space? When in zip, have no icon to show what's there., rather have the icons Sure I clicked on some thing to do it, Still love your site have learned a lot. Thanks Annette Dear Annette Because you are on AOL, your friends will send stuff to you zipped up, so that you can download it in this lifetime. When you unzip it, don't just click on it. That causes a temporary unzipping. To properly unzip it, you have to click on EXTRACT, and tell it where to park the full size extracted files. THEN you will get proper icons. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 15, 2007 - Erie, Pennsylvania - AP Though he lost the engagement ring and two wedding bands, the prospective bridegroom apparently found true love. A weeklong saga stretching from Pennsylvania to Italy came to a sweet end Thursday when Mike Peterson's future bride picked up the three rings at the Erie airport. Peterson at first thought the rings had been stolen, until he read a story on the Internet about a maintenance worker finding wedding rings under an airport seat. ''She picked up the rings this afternoon. They were happy to get them back,'' said David Bagnoni, public safety director at the Erie International Airport. "She said she was going to marry him.'' http://www.happynews.com/news/6152007/f ... -rings.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Cut Your Grass Too Short Most grass types can safely be mowed to 2 to 2-1/2 inches tall. Any shorter than that and you risk stunting your lawn's growth and really short grass does not retain as much water as longer grass.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a perverted act and a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." ============================================= VICIOUS BIT OF FLUFF It was something truckers did. On long hauls, they had a huge dog riding with them for company plus protection. I'm not sure when it began to change. Big brutes were gradually replaced by tiny dogs. My friend Hank shared his rig with a humongous male dog, named Slayer. Years later I ran into Hank in a restaurant. Slayer had retired. In his place was a tiny bit of fluff, a Pomeranian he called 'Sweetie.' In the restaurant, some obnoxious guys were bad mouthing truckers and their little dogs, sneering, "Those mops without handles, wouldn't be able to guard a pop can let alone a rig." Hank grew tired of the heckling. He invited the belligerent goons out to his rig. "Go ahead, open the door," Hank urged one of them. " Get in there, my dog is just a tiny Pomeranian." The creep opened the door, stuck his face into the cab, then shrieked , "Get it off me man, it's chewing up my face." He lurched backwards with Sweetie attached firmly to his nose. Hank grabbed his wee dog, shaking with amusement. The trouble makers sped by in their car, one leaned out the window and hollered, " You should get rid of that vicious thing before it kills someone!" "Yep," Hank smiled, "My dogs a real killer. She ain't got no sense of size." He chuckled, "But no one messes with my rig now that Sweetie's on board. I'm well guarded by this itty-bitty, tail waggin' bundle of dynamite." I was still laughing when Hank pulled out in his rig, Sweetie looking out the window, prepared to ferociously guard her territory again! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fancy Bathrooms
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Stuck Hourglass 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 15, 2007
Wear some red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.
--- Groucho Marx

=======================================

Thanks to Jai for this story:
A farmer in Culpepper, VA went to the local branch of
Wachovia Bank to borrow money for a new bull.

The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money,
came by a week later to see how the bull was doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just ate grass and
wouldn't even look at a cow.  Banker Bill suggested that
he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

Next week Banker Bill returned to see if the vet had helped.

The farmer looked very pleased.  "The bull has serviced all
of my cows! He even broke through the fence, and bred all
my neighbor's cows!  He's been breeding just about
everything in sight.  He's like a machine!"

"Wow," said Banker Bill , "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.

"What kind of pills?" asked Banker Bill .

"I don't know, but they kind of taste like peppermint."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from
his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed
with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said,
"I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to
drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied..... "I remember!!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong Lack of supervision June 13, 2007 - China - Ananova Two Chinese officials have been jailed for allowing a blind man to build a bridge which collapsed during construction. The contractor altered blueprints without getting them checked by a professional, causing the crossing to fall apart, injuring 12 people, reports Xinhua news agency. Head of the local authority Huang Wenge and colleague Xia Jianzhong have been sentenced to 18 months and one year respectively for not stopping the project. The court ruling, said: "Huang Wenge and Xia Jianzhong, who were in charge of road management and supervision, did not ask the contractors to provide certificates guaranteeing their proficiency. "When they knew the bridge was being built by a blind contractor, they did not stop it. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2373076.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Get a buzz of THIS wasp! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off. "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the s ame hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun. "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Closfolly Re: Stuck Hourglass Dear Webby, I need someone to tell me what I need to do to correct a computer problem. When I point mouse arrow at a website, then click, sometimes it will click onto the little 'hourglass' from the arrow & won't click back to arrow again. So, here I sit, waiting for it to make up it's mind to continue down the yellow brick road & some times it does but most times it won't! The only way I can continue on is to re-boot. It's becoming a pain in the patoot! It even does it when I start typing in the chatroom & after a couple of minutes, it goes back to normal. I have noticed it does it more frequently whenever there is something else going on behind the scenes - like various updates, etc. Is there some thing or some place I can click to try to correct this? Help! Help! Help! Dear Closfolly That sounds like a routine AOL malfunction. Once you upgrade to the real Internet, that problem will go away. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2007 - Flagstaff, Arizona - AP A basset hound that disappeared from its California home in December has been found 430 miles away in Arizona. The dog, named Fred, was found by an employee Wednesday in the parking lot of the Second Chance Center for Animals in Flagstaff. The next morning, staff members with the shelter found a microchip in Fred that let them figure out he was registered at Riverside County Animal Control. The shelter contacted Fred's speechless owner on Friday. The owner said Fred disappeared after she moved to Riverside in December. She didn't know how he could have ended up in Flagstaff. Paul Fink, a veterinarian at the Flagstaff shelter and a pilot, has offered to fly the dog home to his family. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/ ... 7372.shtml
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scare Away Birds With CDs CDs can be used to scare birds away from your garden or orchard. Just hang CDs from branches in your orchard or nail them to stakes in your garden and the reflective surface will frighten some types of birds. When AOL was still sending me free CDs, I used to make sun catchers with them. This is an older picture: Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her." "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law." "Yeah," John answered. "But not everybody gets theirs' pregnant." ============================================= GO GET HER KIP! Friends in the city invited me to a park to meet their dog Kip, that they had adopted from a shelter. One look and I could see trouble ahead. Kip was a Border Collie. He was briskly trying to herd some Canadian Geese strutting on the grass. 'Borders,' have been bred for generations to work at herding livestock. They are energetic, highly intelligent and if not working, will herd anything with a crazed intensity. Kip was sent to a doggy day care centre. The first thing he did was corral all the other dogs into a corner, keeping them there. Tired of that he learned to jump the fence, then would spend hours in the alley herding stray cats. Real trouble began when he discovered a bus that brought seniors to a centre to play bingo. Kip was in his element, herding those sweet old folks until they were all in the building. He'd lay outside the door panting, anxious for them to come out so he could herd them back onto the bus. The crunch came when he went to a nearby fire station. The firefighters complained that during a practice session, the blasted dog was intent on herding them back into the firehall. Kip's owners admitted defeat. He was taken to a farm His new owner was ecstatic with Kip. I asked if Kip was easing his work load with the livestock. "Oh sure, but that's not where my dog really shines," he said gleefully. "My mother in law has nagged me for 35 years. Now she just visits for a few minutes." He grinned wickedly, "She's still a nag, but when I've had enough I just tell Kip to round her up." He boasted, "Best dog I've ever had! You should see the old girl flying out to her car, my dog right on her heels. I should have bought myself a Border Collie the day I got married." He laughed, "Kip is my four footed equalizer!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nice old cars
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Javascript 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 14, 2007
======================================

"Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does."
--- Josh Billings

Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way.
Treat them as they can be and you help them become what
they are capable of becoming.
--- Goethe

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she
eagerly joined in on an exercise class.

However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and
requested cancellation of her membership.

When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low,
I cannot touch my toes!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Unk Wes for this story:
A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two
parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the
street when they came to a homeless person.

The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person
his business card and told him to come to his office for a job.
He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless
person.

Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another
homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to
the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare
office.

She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20.
She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the
homeless person $5.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suzanne Marie Butts, 38 of marshalltown, Iowa Expensive toilet paper! June 11, 2007 - Marshalltown, Iowa - AP Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison. "She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face." Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said. Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said. Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice. The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions. http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/biz ... 81181.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Got Dinner! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Javascript Dear Webby, do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You don't install Javascript. Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you already have installed. You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of pages won't work right. Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build shopping carts with it a dozen years ago. Even today, most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you don't allow scripting. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 13, 2007 - New London, Connecticut - AP A rare blue lobster has dodged the dinner plate and will live out its days at Connecticut's Mystic Aquarium. The 1.5-pound lobster turned up last weekend in a trap set by lobstermen Steve Hatch and Robert Green at the mouth of the Thames River in New London, Conn. Hatch said he'd heard about blue lobsters but this was the first one he's ever seen. Aquarium Curator Catherine Ellis said only one in 3 million lobsters are "true blue," meaning their color is the result of genetics and not the environment. But she said that once they're cooked, they'll turn red like any other lobster. The Day of New London newspaper reported that the men donated it to an aquarium, where it will live out its days in an elementary school classroom for children to learn about. http://www.wftv.com/foodnews/13494172/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Install a Rain Barrel Install a rain barrel under one of your corner gutter spouts to collect water for you plants and garden. There are many websites that have directions and parts needed. You can harvest a half gallon of water per square foot of roof area during a 1-inch rainfall.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly! replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ============================================= OH PLEASE DO, COME IN FOR TEA! We had just moved into our ranch house. The ladies of the community came by to welcome me to the neighbourhood. I was nervous, but passed out tea and sugar cookies. The women sat in a circle, grilling me about what I knew about ranch life. I had to admit my experience was limited. I wanted so badly to fit in. When one of the women mentioned that her son was preening over his Allis Chalmers, I stupidly asked if Allis was new here as well? A woman who looked like a puffed up hen, said, "Allis Chalmers, is a make of tractor." This was not going well at all. I poured more tea, pausing to listen to thumping coming from my back porch. Suddenly the door swung open. In walked my husbands two year old appaloosa horse, Little Bit. Dead silence. I wanted to drop through the floor. Little Bit was known for escaping his corral. In my wildest dreams I never thought he would crash my tea party. Stepping into the kitchen, he reached out and daintily took a cookie from the plate. Then another. I was red with embarrassment. I had no idea how to get a horse out of my kitchen. Then one of the gals exclaimed, "Well, if that isn't the cutest thing ever. Did you train him to do that?" It broke the ice, I felt the beginning of acceptance. Despite that, my husband was told in carefully worded language, to keep that blasted horse out of my house, or he'd find the critter on the barbeque. He took me seriously. I heard him laughing like a loon all the way to the barn. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A police officer, though scheduled for all night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: New Zealand
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Check mail from two machines 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  June 13, 2007
======================================

Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. -
--- Vince Lombardi

=======================================

Dear Mom,

Our Scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you
saw the flood on TV and worried.  We are OK.  Only one of our
tents and two sleeping bags got washed away.  Luckily, none of us
got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for
Chad when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her that he's OK.  He
can't write because of the cast. I got to ride on one of the
search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found
him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone
without telling anyone.  Chad said he did tell him, but it was
during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put a gas can on a fire, the gas can
will blow up?  Billy is going to look weird until his hair grows
back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car
fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck.  The brakes worked OK
when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you
to have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he
can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car.  He doesn't
care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us
ride in the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with ten people in a
car.

Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
  In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him
drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we
ever see up there are logging trucks.

Guess what?  We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When
Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a
tourniquet works.

Also, Wade and I threw up.  Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was
just food poisoning from  the leftover chicken. He said they got
sick that way with the food they ate in prison.

I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he
sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing
his time.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and
buy more bullets and dynamite.

Don't worry about anything.  We are fine.

Love,
Johnny

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the
father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high
so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor.  "Don't be in a rush to put
the lantern down ... I think there's yet another one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that
lantern ...
It seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The Goober scratched his head in bewilderment, and
asked the doctor,

"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sara White, 20, of Turlock, CA Not now, I got a headache June 8, 2007 - Turlock, California - AP A bride-to-be who wanted to get out of a date with a man she met on a phone chat line is in trouble with the law, but it seems her future husband is more forgiving. Sara White is facing a misdemeanor charge of abusing emergency dispatch services for telling authorities she had been hit on the head and dragged into the trunk of a car while sitting in a Sacramento park. White said she concocted the story Monday after agreeing to meet a man—not the one she plans to marry—for a date in a Sacramento park. Instead of going ahead with the date, she called him and told him she had been kidnapped. The man called police, who dispatched 60 officers to search for her. The 20-year-old White continued the lie when officers called her cell phone. White was arrested and spent two nights in jail after police found her in her Turlock home. She says she feels bad about lying to the police. But her engagement is still on, and she plans to get married in April. http://cbs5.com/watercooler/local_story_159141954.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== When my aunt's youngest child was 3, he wanted a curse word that he could use. To appease the kid she told him that he could say, "Dag nabbit." Well, the problem was that when he said it, it came out as, "Damm Wabbit." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Check mail from two machines Dear Webby, Thanks for your previous help. I have another question which will probably go to Express Empress. I've looked over her site and don't see my question there, though. How can I use my Outlook Express from my desktop to my laptop using the same name and password. In other words how can I access the same mailbox from both computers and not lose the emails on my desk top. Thank you Barbara Dear Barbara With standard email programs you would set the program on the laptop to "Leave Mail On Server", and on the one on the desktop leave it on the default ("Delete mail off the server when downloaded"). So that you also have the OUT mail on the desktop, you simply BCC your replies to yourself. Hopefully that method also works on OE, otherwise, write to 6Aempress@fire-cat.com Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos A pair of 2-year-olds who wandered out of a vacation home and into the Australian wilderness were found Monday — scratched and dirty but unhurt — after spending more than 24 hours outdoors. A volunteer — one of hundreds who took part in the search south of the Western Australia state capital of Perth two miles from the home where Dakota Vincent and Trista Foley were staying with their parents when they disappeared. ''I heard what I thought was human voices and couldn't believe my ears,'' said Merrilyn Hutton, who found the children. ''I moved towards the sound ... then standing beside the scrub was a little red head and then a little white head popped up too.'' ''I just gathered them both up and she said 'Mummy' and I said: 'No, I'm not mummy, but I'm going to take you to mummy','' she said. Police Sgt. Graham Clifford said the pair spent about 26 hours outdoors, including a night when an inch of rain fell, temperatures were 52 degrees and cold winds blew. ''They were in amazing condition, a little bit grubby and dirty socks, but they weren't crying and they were very with it,'' Hutton said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Straw on Top of Your Potatoes When you plant potatoes, layer about 2 feet of straw on top. The plants will grow through and make potatoes on top of the ground and the straw will shrink down during the summer. By Glenita If you can't get straw, you can use an old cotton sheet, and poke knife holes where the potatoes are. They will send the greenery up through the holes and grow like crazy if you water them just a bit more than you would a lawn.. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased. In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "WOW! Look Gramma! You're as wide as Mom's bed!" ============================================= THEY AIN'T MY SIZE GEORGE! In northern Alberta, country women get together for any sort of social gathering. I had gone to a lingerie party where I purchased a selection of wispy, bright coloured undergarments. Before going to bed in order to freshen them up I hung the items on a clothesline, strung between two trees. Morning arrived, my favourite time of day. I took my coffee, quietly backed out of the door, turned around to come face to face with a huge moose. He was placidly munching away in my flower bed. I'm not sure who was the most shocked. We both froze. I was horrified, just thankful knowing that moose don't bite. He suddenly spun around, long legs pumping, headed for the bush. However his antlers caught in my clothes line. He just keep trucking, my pretty undies fluttering like flags around his head. A week later I ran into George, a local farmer. I liked George and his wife. They were both quite heavy set, living on the rich bounty of their farm. He told me, "The darndest thing. I went out to check fences. All through the bush I found ladies little bra's and panties. I stuffed them into the glove compartment." It was all I could do to keep a straight face when he muttered, "I'm in big trouble with my wife now." He continued mournfully, "She hasn't cooked a decent meal for days." I couldn't stop the giggles when he looked so puzzled and said, "She just won't believe me that I found all those wee things in the bush!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened? The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Pics
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Printable Calendars 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 12, 2007
======================================

"Great spirits have always encountered violent
opposition from mediocre minds."
--- Albert Einstein

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was
an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day,
decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate
Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he
knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was
alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else
was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Chuck for this report:
Your bonehead award for the guy, who got two speeding
tickets, reminded me of the time I was in Washington
(the State) eating breakfast at a little diner in the middle
of no-where.

In the next booth were 3 state police chatting and having
coffee.

One of them told the story of the time they had set up a
speed trap way out in the middle of nowhere. Long stretches
between small towns.

This guy comes along, really screaming.  Gets a ticket.
Goes a little way, stomps on the pedal and the next officer
in the line stops him and gives him another ticket.

The guy ends up with 5 speeding tickets.  He was thinking
that its so remote, there can't be another cop for miles.
And especially after the 3/4 ticket he knows,
there can't be another.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dwight Thomas, 19, of Amityville, NY Amok June 8, 2007 - Mineola, New York - AP A teenager who smashed his car through the front of a Long Island mall, careening 500 yards past screaming shoppers before blasting through an exit, was apparently angry with an ex-girlfriend who worked there, police said Friday. "It's a miracle that nobody was injured," said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a spokesman for the Nassau County police. "You've got kids, women pushing strollers, elderly people walking around. ... It's amazing to me that nobody was injured." Dwight Thomas, 19, of Amityville, pleaded not guilty at his arraignment in First District Court in Hempstead on felony charges of criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and third-degree arson. He was ordered held on $750,000 bond or $350,000 cash bail. His attorney, Arthur Edwards, told District Court Judge Norman Janowitz that Thomas has a mental condition and is being treated with prescription drugs, but did not specify the condition. "We believe this matter should be resolved in a non-criminal setting," Edwards told reporters after the proceeding. He did not elaborate. Repalone said that shortly before 7 p.m. Thursday, Thomas drove through the main glass doors of the Westfield Sunrise Mall in Massapequa. He continued past a JCPenney, passed the mall's central court, knocked over a kiosk and then made two left turns before exiting near a McDonald's. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/ ... 6238.shtml ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Something wrong with my p-mail ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Calendar maker Dear Webby, thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can print calenders..monthy ones. thanks Tam Dear Tam I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend some, but you can go to http://www.myfreecalendarmaker.com/ and generate and print them rightoff their site. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 8, 2007 - Cambridge, Massachusetts, - AP How many power cords does it take for Massachusetts Institute of Technology researchers to make a light bulb glow? None. They've come up with a way to make a 60-watt bulb glow by sending energy wirelessly from a device across the room. The breakthrough was published in the online version of the journal Science. The scientists have dubbed their finding WiTricity. It's not a new concept, but scientists had dismissed wireless juice as inefficient because energy generated by charging devices radiates in all directions. But leave it to an MIT physics professor to make it work. Researchers used specially tuned waves that radiate less to send the energy. The key is to get the recharging device and the gadget that needs power on the same frequency, similar to how a radio picks up only one station at a time. http://www.wsbtv.com/technology/13467131/detail.html -------------------------- Don't expect wireless power to replace copper in house wiring until long after electricity has become cheap enough to make electric cars economical. It will find use in special applications, like placing security cameras in awkward spots, where traditional wiring or changing batteries is difficult or impossible.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Water For Plants
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" ============================================= WEIRD QUESTIONS Actual questions I have been asked by pet owners. Q. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet bowl? A. Because you left the lid up. Q. What should I do if I find a snake in my yard? A. Scream, run like hell, leave it alone, he'll leave. Q. How can I keep myself dry when I bath the dog? A. Strip. Q. Why does my fish food taste so bad. A. You actually tasted the stuff?. Q.The pet store said my rabbits were both girls. Now there are baby bunnies. What happened? A. Take a deep breath. Ready? One is a boy! Q. The vet said to give my cat three pills a day. My cat won't swallow them. Should I put the pills up his bottom? A. Poor cat. Phone me first, I want to watch! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Walter for this story: A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!" ========================================
Thanks to Dorothy for today's Bonus Links: These are high quality professional movies, just shrunk in size for easy downloading. Dorothy has been a subscriber for about 10 years. Some of you will remember Dorothy's petitions to save wolves and bears from arial hunting, petitions where she got 10 - 15 times MORE signatures than the entire anti-immigration bill movement got. I agree that the way Kennedy twisted Bush's immigration plan to the exact opposite, it needed to be shot down and buried under the compost, but it was embarrassing that the entire collection of signatures against it amounted to not even a tenth of what Dorothy collected to save a few dozen wolves in the middle of nowhere in Alaska. By the way, Dorothy also makes some great wildlife screensavers, that could be a perfect Fathers Day gift, that is actually used every day. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby Been working on some new videos and here are 4 new ones to share in your Humor newsletter. Feel free to show them in whatever order and frequency you'd like. Bear Cub Wrestling Mom Bear Cub vs Flowers Bear Cub Tumbling Bear Cub vs Dirt Clod Thanks for all you do!!! Dorothy
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Securing a wireless network 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 11, 2007
======================================

A wise man gets more use from his enemies
than a fool from his friends.
--- Baltasar Gracian

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging
to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body,
it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive
religious experience.
--- Shelley Winters

=======================================

Thanks to Corrine for this story:

When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my
mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the
first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as

Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on
her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my
arm around her.

"You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-
honored fashion. "You're gaining a son."

"Oh, forget about that BS!" she wailed with a sob.
"I used to fit into that dress!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to
bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at
10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his
wife alive again.

He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped
out from behind some bushes and growled,
"What took ya so long? You're over two hours late."

"Hey ! Give me a break." whined the Yuppie.
"I have a 27 handicap."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to a kluzty jewelry thief in Yew York Klutzy thief May 22, 2007 - Bronx, New York - AP A thief fleeing a jewelry store was killed when his bicycle was struck by a bus, police said. Authorities said the 42-year-old man snatched a US$2,000 gold chain from the Bronx jewelry store on Friday and was making his getaway. A store clerk and two bystanders were chasing the man on foot when he pedaled into an intersection and was hit by a fast-moving bus, police said. The suspect was taken to a hospital, where he died from head injuries. Five passengers who were jostled when the bus slammed on its brakes were also examined at the hospital. "He lost his life for $2,000," said the store's owner, Lakhwinder Singh. "He'd sell it for maybe only two or three hundred. That makes no sense." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== That's not the sun, but a sun-dog, about 30 degrees to the left of the sun. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been screwing for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth.....!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Unc Wes Re: Keeping neighbors off your wireless Dear Webby, I have wireless, but always wonder if someone is "piggy- backing" off of my signel. How does one stop a neighbor from doing this? unk wes Dear Unc Wes Password your access. Or, if your neighbors don't have any hackabilly teenagers, rent them a share. Most routers are good for six shares. It is still a good idea to password your wireless and give each share a password. In many towns junior geeks go "war cruising" to find open networks, and use them to get onto the net to do all kinds of mischief. If you set up your wireless network according to the instructions at the link I printed yesterday, http://www.microsoft.com/athome/moredon ... setup.mspx setting the passwords is part of the setup. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 28, 2007 - Los Angeles, California - AP A woman who lost both legs and an arm as a child is poised to become a doctor for children. Kellie Lim, who became a triple amputee at age 8 because of bacterial meningitis, is to graduate from UCLA's medical school on Friday, and she plans to focus on childhood allergies and infectious disease. The Michigan native, 26, does not use a prosthetic arm and manages to perform most medical procedures — including giving injections and taking blood — with one arm. She walks on a pair of prosthetic legs. ''Just having that experience of being someone so sick and how devastating that can be — not just for me but for my family too — gives me a perspective that other people don't necessarily have,'' Lim said. Raised by a blind mother in suburban Detroit, Lim went through years of wheelchairs and painful therapy after toxic shock from the meningitis claimed her limbs and three fingertips on her remaining hand. Lim recently saw her childhood medical file, and learned that doctors had given her an 85 percent chance of dying of the meningitis. Just five months after the amputations, Lim returned to a normal school. Born right-handed, she learned to write and work with her left. Lim's teachers and fellow students said she exudes a calm that makes them and her patients forget her physical circumstances. Lim will begin a residency program at the UCLA Medical Center.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Water For Plants Don't pour water that you use for cooking vegetables down the drain. It works great for watering plants, especially when there is a water shortage. Fish tank water is also full of nutrients that your plants will love. Dish water and tub water can also be used. All the "Grey Water" can be used directly in your garden. Don't worry about buying phosphate free soaps and detergents so as not to fertilize lakes and canals, if you use your grey water in your garden. It loves that stuff! Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ============================================= START THE WHAT? I was a city girl, left on the farm when my husband was away. A blizzard hit. The temperature dropped, snow piled up, roads closed, plus the power went out. My house had an old wood cooking stove. I fired that up. I was feeling cosy, when I thought of the baby animals in the barn. Outside the freezing wind took my breath away. I gathered up three tiny piglets, tucked them inside my parka, got to the house then let them go. I put papers on the floor, used chairs to barricade them in a corner and dashed back.This round I brought in a box of chicks. They fit right under the stove. Next trip was harder, The shivering three day old calf was stubborn. I put a rope around his neck and we dragged each other though the drifts until we reached the house. The pigs had gotten loose, but I had one more trip to make. I had two pet rabbits, plus the farm dog had just had a litter of pups. With puppies in my pockets, a rabbit under each arm, mama dog followed me to the house. Bedlam! The chicks were all over, the calf was sucking on a tea towel, mama dog took one look at the pigs then tried to herd them, the rabbits chased the chicks and I still had pockets full of puppies. But, they would all survive the storm. I felt so proud. I was sure my hubby would praise me for my hard work. When he arrived home he just looked stunned. He finally looked at me and said, "Honey, these critters were fine in the barn. All you had to do was start the generator!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cabbage, Love it or hate it http://tinyurl.com/2yr389
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to set up a wireless home network 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 10, 2007
======================================

Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
--- Benjamin Franklin

Humans are not proud of their ancestors,
and rarely invite them round to dinner.
--- Douglas Adams

=======================================

Judge: Did you or did you not see the gun being fired?

Witness: I did not see it being fired. I only heard it.

Judge: Well, that's hearsay. It's inadmissible as evidence.

As the witness left the stand and walked back to his seat,
his back was turned to the judge, at which point he laughed
out loud.

Immediately the judge recalled him to the bench and was
about to hold him in contempt of court.

Witness: Did you actually see me laugh?

Judge No, but I heard you.

Witness: Isn't that the same kind of inadmissible
evidence, Judge?

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

GOD AND DOG

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth
(especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could
labor for the good of the dog.

On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog
might or might not retrieve it.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep
the dog healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an impatient driver in London, Ontario Expensive hurry May 19, 2007 - London, Ontario, Canada - Canadian Press A man in London, Ont., was so mad at being given a speeding ticket that he raced away from the officer, rubber burning. London police say that didn't go over well with the officer, who had just caught the man doing 84 kilometres an hour in a 50 zone and slapped him with a $157 fine and four demerit points. The officer nabbed him a second time and gave him another ticket and another two demerit points, this one for doing 69 kilometres an hour in a 50 zone. The driver also picked up a $110 fine for making unnecessary noise. --------------------------- And I bet he took his sweet time writing the second batch of tickets. And in Ontario they report the points to the insurance company. 6 points will probably just about double the insurance cost. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Oriental Pearl TV tower in Shanghai ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Richard for this story: My mom Molly, a difficult independent 75 year old, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on my mom's parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere... when there are a lot of people starving in Africa , says the stranger. Then my mother said in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, I can't throw that far!" She handed him the bun and stated "You bring it to them!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Wireless Home Network Dear Webby, Thanks so much for your Humor Letter, I look forward to it every day. You help a lot of people with tech stuff and was wondering if you could point me in the right direction for what I have in mind. I have a desk top Dell and a refurbished laptop Dell with cell phone Broad Band, WI-FI, DSL and dialup capability. I only use the cell phone Broad Band with Verizon when away from home on a month to month basis with my laptop, when I don't need it I cancel it so I don't have to pay for something I'm not using all the time. The question I have is what do I need to network with my desk top computer that is on DSL so I can use my laptop in another room without hooking up cords, etc. ? I hope I'm explaining myself so you can understand what I'm asking as I'm not all that computer literate. By the way, I live in West Tennessee in a rural area. Thank you for your help. Regards Barbara Dear Barbara You will need a wireless router, and a wireless network card for each machine. (if you haven't got them yet) The one for the laptop fits into the PCMCIA slot, the one for the desktop is a card that you stick into an empty slot in the motherboard. You probably already have the one for the laptop for use in hotels with wireless broadband. Go to http://www.microsoft.com/athome/moredon ... setup.mspx print out that page and follow the instructions on it. I really mean it about printing it out! You will be off the net during the installation and won't have access to that page. You will even have the computer off for part of it. It's easy if you follow those instructions step by step and checkmark each step when completed. With a print-out you can take your time. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 23, 2007 - Bloomington, India - AP A man who lost his wallet in 1970 got it back after 37 years with everything still inside. Workers renovating the Musical Arts Building on Indiana University's campus found the wallet sandwiched between two cinder block walls three weeks ago. An IU physical plant employee recognized John Mitchell from some of the pictures inside and contacted Mitchell's' son. "I was in bed asleep, and he said, 'They found your wallet,'" Mitchell said. "Well, that just blew my mind 'cause I didn't remember losing one.'" Mitchell, who was employed as a welder during the building's construction, said the wallet must have slipped from his pocket while he was working on some steel beams. The building was completed in 1971. Among the other items found in the long-lost wallet were Mitchell's driver's license, two credit cards, a Moose membership card and a layaway ticket for a $6 belt.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Track of Rebates As many as 40% of all rebates are never redeemed by consumers. Redeem rebates quickly after buying a product to help insure that you won't forget or lose the receipt. Some stores allow you to redeem rebates online, which saves you money on postage.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a ' fling ' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers, "I'm pregnant ! " Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What do you want to name yours ? ============================================= TRAINING WHOOPS Teaching your dog to do tricks is easy. All the books say so. Sometimes things go hilariously wrong. My Maltese puppy knows how to sit, and offer up a paw to shake. He just can't get them together. At play time he'll run to people on three legs, shaking his paw. Then he'll sit. Of course he gets attention, poor wee thing must have a hurt foot. Once at a dog show a cute Pug had stage fright. He went through his paces perfect, only going backwards, his eyes glued to his handlers face. The judge told a girl with a pretty Pomeranian to, "Circle around." Unfortunately, he made the motion with his hand. The tiny Pom did as she was told, every step of the way, she circled, and circled, with the crowd clapping, she circled to the end until even the judge laughed. A man watching, said condescendingly, "It's only those 'toy' dogs that can't get it right. Revenge is so sweet. He entered the ring with his handsome Mastiff. All went well, until the owner sneezed loudly. It sounded exactly like the command word, "Release." The Mastiff took him for his word and lit out to visit people in the stands. I should mention this was an amateur show, everyone got to put their dogs through a second run. Still it felt really good when best of show was pronounced. A four pound toy breed named, "Perfection," a Chihuahua! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his porridge every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Spylocked 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 8, 2007
======================================

I am more afraid of an army of one hundred sheep led by
a lion than an army of one hundred lions led by a sheep.
--- Charles Maurice

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them
pick   themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened."
--- Winston Churchill

=======================================

 Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called
 her insurance agent to file a claim...
 Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn
 insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!"
 The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane.
 Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the
 value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of
 comparable worth."
 There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd
 like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right quickly!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend
 and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue
 in the Netherlands flag.
 "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
 "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our
 tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
 "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see
 stars, too."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 409 virus seekers How dumb is dumb enough? May 23, 2007 - Helsinki, Finland - Reuters Computer specialist Didier Stevens put up a simple text advertisement on the Internet offering downloads of a computer virus for people who did not have any. Surprisingly, he found as many as 409 people clicking on the ad saying "Is your PC virus-free? Get it infected here!" during a 6-month advertising campaign on Google's Adword, said the IT security expert. "Some of them must have clicked on it by mistake. Some must have been curious or stupid," said Mikko Hypponen, head of research at data security firm F-Secure. There was no virus involved, it was an experiment aiming to show these kind of advertising systems can be used for malicious intent, Stevens said. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??'' replied the burglar, "She said she had an ax and two 38's!!!'' =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robin Re: Spylocked Hello, Do you have any sure-fire method of getting rid of the “Spylocked” virus? Have you heard of it? Thanks, RJ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.11/838 - Release Date: 6/7/2007 2:21 PM Dear Robin McAfee Virus Scan will get rid of it easily. And unlike your AVG, it won't rudely piss onto the bottom of your emails and advertise that you are not properly protected. You will need a McAfee VirusScan from March or newer, or the automatically updated version. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 24, 2007 - Somerset County, New Jersey - Red Cross On "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work" Day, many kids get to tag along to their mom's or dad's office and spend the day sitting in a chair. Two New Jersey boys had a very different experience last month when they worked side-by-side with their mother providing relief to victims of the mid-April nor'easter that dumped nearly 10 inches of rain on the state and caused severe flooding along the Passaic and Rockaway Rivers. Christopher and Matthew Sutton got hands-on experience assisting their mom, Amy, who serves as executive director of the Greater Somerset County Chapter, headquartered in Somerville. The nor'easter, which generated the largest Red Cross disaster response since the hurricane season of 2005, hit Somerset County especially hard. American Red Cross disaster relief workers, along with chapter volunteers and staff, worked around the clock offering shelter, distributing meals and comfort kits, and providing damage assessment, casework and counseling to residents of the flood-stricken area. Christopher, 13, and Matthew, 10, pitched in by distributing supplies and clean-up kits and visiting shelters and service centers with their mother. "It feels good to know that I can help people and that my mom is doing a great thing for people who need it, people who lost everything," Christopher said. The boys' father has been running the house while Amy helps storm victims, and Christopher has learned to do some baking from his grandmother so he can give his mom a treat when she gets home. Both boys say they are very proud of the job their mom does. "She's the only mom at school who operates a shelter," said Matthew. "She's cool."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Car Insurance Discounts Your insurance company may have discounts for military personnel, low mileage drivers, students with good grades and many other criteria. Be sure to ask what discounts are available, they should ask you a list of questions and will provide you with the discounts that apply. Don't count on them to volunteer all discounts! Remember, insurance agents often work on comissions. If you have five or more family members and or employees, join the local Chamber of Commerce. As a member you can get group insurance plans that are in a totally different class and can be as much as 50% cheaper. Chamber membership fees vary. For example our chamber, Diamond Valley Chamber of Commerce, charges $75 a year, the one in the town north of us charges $250. Shop around! Once you are a member, attend the monthly meetings and get to know the members. You'll be surprised at how much money saving information is freely traded amongst the insiders. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The accountant must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ============================================= SHADES OF SWEET CUJO VEGETABLE CALAMITY Snoopy was a black and white spotted Spaniel type dog I adopted. She and I formed a very powerful bond. I spent hours brushing her, murmuring what a smart dog she was. Until the morning I got up to find she had ripped every beet out of my garden. Beets that yearly, I won prizes for at our local country fair. I found beets everywhere. She had a small mountain of them piled up inside her dog house. I screamed loud enough to be heard in Texas. Snoopy headed for the barn on a dead run. She knew she had done a huge doggy wrong! I refused to speak to her for a solid week. Eventually, she crept back into my heart and arms. Later that winter, we were enjoying a meal at friends, Snoopy with us. My friend scrapped the leftovers into a bowl for my dog. Snoopy sniffed, pushed that bowl with her nose out of the kitchen, into the living room, then crept back, curled under my chair, unwilling to eat her dinner. I went to get the dish, and doubled over laughing. Mixed in with the scraps were beets! No way was she going to get herself in hot water twice. I hugged her, smiling, knowing my garden would be safe next year from a vegetable stealing dog. Smart dog indeed! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on you!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Pirated XP 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 8, 2007
======================================

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
--- Edmund Hillary

=======================================

Thanks to Bert for this story:
Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell
phone as a gift, I've asked him to use it to call home if he's
out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up
for him, I dozed off in front of the TV.

Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and
there had been no call.

Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I
demanded, "Where are you, and why haven't you bothered
to call?!"

"Dad," he sleepily replied, "I'm upstairs in bed.
I've been home for an hour!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

IS BARNEY THE EVIL ONE ?
 *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
 Everyone knows Barney ... that cute purple dinosaur.
 But here's something that you may not know:

 1. Start with the given:
     CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

 2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)
     CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

 3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
     CV    V  L  DI    V

 4. Convert these into Arabic values:
     100 5 5  50 500 1 5

 5. Add these numbers up:
     100
       5
       5
      50
     500
       1
    +  5
    ----
     666

 There you have it.....
 A valid mathematical proof that Barney is the Antichrist!

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chapman, 47, of Wilkinsburg, , Pennsylvania Impersonating May 26, 2007 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - AP A woman portraying a police officer as a TV extra took her part one step too far by entering a courtroom where her son faced a weapons charge, police said. Kimberly Chapman was working as an extra Monday on the Spike TV series "The Kill Point". Later in the day, she showed up wearing her police costume at a Family Court hearing for her son. Chapman, 47, of Wilkinsburg, told a court employee she was a police officer and was looking for the probation officer on the case, Pittsburgh police said. Ecker said she simply rushed to the courthouse without changing out of the faux police uniform. Police, however, said she identified herself as a Pittsburgh police officer to three people. They charged Chapman with impersonating a public servant and theft because she allegedly didn't have permission to leave the downtown set with the $500 uniform, which is now being held as evidence. A production assistant on the show, Katie Shenot, confirmed Chapman worked as an extra and that she didn't have permission to leave the set in uniform. Extras must turn in all uniforms and props, which are secured by having the extras leave their identification with the crew. Chapman said the criminal charges cost her the job. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Alkali Lake near Christmas Valley , OR ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so long to get something over here." "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: Pirated Windows I hope you can help me----- the person I bought my computer from unfortunately put a pirated copy of Windows XP on my computer. He built the pc for me and charged me a good price for it -----but I cannot get in touch with him , so I have to find a way to solve this problem. Of course, Microsoft won't let me do any updates, etc. because the validation key is telling them apparently that my windows XP is not a valid version. What do I do at this point? I don't know what I should do about this. Do you have any suggestions. I value your opinion and love your humor letter- it helps me to get through the day. Christine Dear Christine Simply tell Microsoft about the pirated copy. They have a much bigger stick than you do. Usually, when you report a pirate, they send you a legitimate version with box and CD, and take the cost of it out of the hide of the thief. There are three ways to report piracy. Method 1: Email piracy@microsoft.com Method 2: Call the Microsoft Anti-Piracy Hotline at (800) RU-LEGIT. Method 3: Go to the following web page to fill out an online reporting form: http://www.microsoft.com/piracy/ReportingUs.mspx Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 26, 2007 - Lakewood, Ohio - UPI A Lakewood, Ohio, landlord has been ordered by a judge to house arrest in one of his derelict buildings until he makes the proper repairs. Lakewood Municipal Judge Patrick Carroll ordered Richard Naumann to live in his Lake Avenue apartment building -- which has no heat, hot water, operable stoves or ovens -- until proper repairs are made to the two buildings he owns, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported Tuesday. Naumann, who will only be allowed to leave the building between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. for work, will also be outfitted with an electronic monitoring device on his ankle to ensure he abides by the judge's command, the newspaper said. All rent money collected by Naumann must also be turned over to the city of Lakewood beginning June 1 so that residents and the gas company can petition for reimbursement.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Egg Sandwiches When Camping Put a little cooking oil on a canning ring and put it in your skillet, crack an egg inside the ring and cook until the egg has solidified. The round eggs will fit perfectly in small hamburger buns, bagels, or English muffins. The trick is to let your egg rings heat up a while, before you crack an egg into them. If you are roughing it in the bush, cans with top and bottom cut out, work fine too. If you put a cover onto the can, you'll get a poached (steamed) egg. To cut down on the mess from leaking sandwiches, it's a good idea to scramble the eggs in a bowl with salt, seasoning, bits of bacon, ham, sausage, whatever; and then ladle that mix into the egg rings. You will get clean, no-mess egg patties. They will freeze OK with a bit of wax paper between the patties, and are a great way to utilize discount "crackers". Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: "You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95. I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says "Sure. Do you have the $69.95 in cash?" "I sure do," says the Swede, plunking the money down on the counter. At that point, two big thugs leap out of a closet, whack the Swede over the head, drag his unconscious body out the back door, stuff him in a barrel and drop the barrel into a river that flows past. A few moments later, a Norwegian guy walks into the same dingy storefront travel agency, holds up the newspaper ad and says: "I vant to go on this $69.96 voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says: "Sure, you got the fare in cash?" "Ya, you betcha," says the Norwegian, slapping the money on the counter. Again, the two big thugs leap out, pound him on the head, drag his limp form out the back door, shove him in a barrel and drop it in the river. After a while, the Swede and the Norwegian regain consciousness, and they find out that their barrels are bobbing along together. The Norwegian says: "Good Afternoon. Tell me, do you happen to know if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Swede shakes his head and says: "No, I don't think so. They didn't last year." ============================================= SHADES OF SWEET CUJO My neighbour Doug, a rancher drove into my yard, laughing so hard he sailed into my rose bushes. He had arrived home to find a tired, frightened, man sitting in a pickup, with a flat tire. Doug's ranch dog was standing quietly, wagging his tail. The fellow rolled his window down a crack, "Mister, you better sit right there.That damn animal is going to rip you to shreds." He added, "I've been here three hours, that thing won't let me out. He's savage! Just look at those fangs he's showing." I knew the dog, and had to grin. He was a cross between a Newfoundland, Saint Bernard, Husky and Akita. He was massive, looking like a shaggy black bear. One eye was a dirty yellow, the other blue. When he stood up with his paws on a pickup, he had to bend his head down to see inside. He'd look at the man inside, lift his lip showing an enormous set of fangs.To amuse himself, he'd push with his paws, rocking the truck. Doug got out of his truck, snapped an order to the dog, "Cupcake, come here." "CUPCAKE?" the man yelled."That's a killer, he's done nothing but snarl." Doug tried to explain, that when his dog showed his teeth, it was a doggy smile. He was as tame as a kitten. He changed the man's tire, then watched as he roared off in a cloud of dust. "Didn't matter anyway," Doug hooted, "Cupcake did me a big favour. The guy was from the bank!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you think these are all mine?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Photography http://www.allnature.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Re-install MSIE6 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  June 7, 2007
======================================

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.
But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing.
--- Marie Stopes

I am not a teacher. I am only a fellow traveler of whom you
have asked the way.
I pointed ahead, ahead of myself as well as of you.
--- G. B. Shaw

=======================================

And old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was
startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to
make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman.

"Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at
the wrong house."

"Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy
assured her. "But you're forty years too late."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor.

The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who
has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear.
The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I
was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't
mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends
who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed."

The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of
those white tipped canes?"

"Yes I do," she replied.

"Then the next time someone says that hit them over
the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If
you had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to teacher Amy McTague of Conifer, Colorado Bimbo Malfunction May 22, 2007 - Conifer, Colorado - IBS The teacher who oversaw the production of a high school yearbook that depicted drug and alcohol use issued an apology Monday, saying it was "completely inappropriate." Conifer High School English teacher Amy McTague's apology was issued by the school district in response to a letter sent to them and the media that complained about the pages in the yearbook. Parent Karen Marshall said in her Friday letter, "I am absolutely outraged at what has been printed in our student's 2007 yearbooks released a few days ago." Her letter continued: "On p. 13, page title is 'Drug Addictions': there are pictures of students smoking pot, using bong paraphernalia, pictures of alcohol and prescription drugs with associated stories of each. Each caption is written in 6 pt. font so anyone over 40 would have to get their magnifying glass to read, which I feel was strategic on their part so parents would miss it, but its there all the same: 'I smoke pot because it relaxes me, helps me deal with situations...there's nothing wrong with it.' says a student." "p.33, there are pictures of police officers with stories of 'cops busting our parties' and 'law enforcement is a necessary evil' depicting law enforcement as an annoyance only to be disregarded if you don't get caught. I want our police officers to be respected for the heroes they are and this disgraces them and sends the wrong message. "p.71 titled 'Regrets and Mistakes', shows a picture of three female students holding an MIP (Minors in Possession) certificate, one girl smirking in this picture, with the caption "...my regret was telling the cop the truth when they busted our party." Less than two weeks ago Conifer High sophomores Justin Dorrance, 16, of Evergreen, Colo., and Clyde Gallegos, 16, of Pine, Colo., were killed when the Jeep Grand Cherokee that Dorrance was driving rolled over in Elk Creek. The Colorado State Patrol said that drugs were suspected as a contributing factor in the accident. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for this picture: "Vivi. wh. bloomed today" reduced from 2600 to 550 pixels wide cut out from original picture cut-out enlarged 2:1 The translucent golden dots that you see, greenish golden on the female flower parts and reddish where male parts shine through, are pollen. If you were standing in front of the plant, you would need a microscope to see that pollen. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Uninstall/re-install IE6 Hi Webby, Having problems with IE 6.0. Is there a way to uninstall and reinstall it? If so, would I need to save my Favorites or anything before doing so? An Avid Reader and User of Your Tips Bonnie Dear Bonnie Are you sure that IE6 is the cause of the problem, and not just a symptom? If you are sure you need to uninstall and reinstall IE6, the instructions are here: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/318378 And yes, you definitely would need to export your Favorites (Bookmarks): ALT F I N E Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 5, 2007 - Boston, Massachusetts - Boston Globe Thanks to Seababy for this Kudo :-) Shortly before landing, Bob Hayden and a flight attendant had agreed on a signal: When she waved the plastic handcuffs, he would discreetly leave his seat and restrain an unruly passenger who had frightened some of the 150 people on board a Minneapolis-to-Boston flight Saturday night with erratic behavior. Hayden, a 65-year-old former police commander, had enlisted a gray-haired gentleman sitting next to him to assist. The man turned out to be a former US Marine. "I had looked around the plane for help, and all the younger guys had averted their eyes. When I asked the guy next to me if he was up to it, all he said was, 'Retired captain. USMC.' I said, 'You'll do,' " Hayden recalled. "So, basically, a couple of grandfathers took care of the situation." The incident on Northwest Airlines Flight 720 ended peacefully, but not before Hayden, a former Boston police deputy superintendent and former Lawrence police chief, and the retired Marine had handcuffed one man and stood guard over another until the plane touched down safely at Logan International Airport around 7:50 p.m. Hayden said the unruly man's behavior upset some passengers. One told Hayden the man had said, "Your lives are going to change today forever," as he shouted and refused to take his seat before takeoff and at various times during the nearly three-hour flight. "Some people were crying," Hayden said. "I thought it might be a diversion. I kept scanning the back of the plane to see if anyone was going to rush forward. The flight attendants did a great job, literally surrounding the two guys who were making all the noise. I told one of the flight attendants I was a retired police officer and would be willing to assist, so we agreed on a signal." Hayden said he and the retired Marine, whose name he never got, received an ovation from fellow passengers, and "some free air miles." http://www.boston.com/news/local/massac ... _in_check/
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camp Grill Cooking Tips Apply cooking spray to your grill to keep food from sticking. When cooking it in a pot, use a lid. The food will cook faster and it will help keep dirt and insects out of your meal. Wrap potatoes and other vegetables in foil with a little butter and spices to cook on the grill.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!" ============================================= IF I DIDN'T HAVE A DOG * I would not be on a first name basis with 6 veterinarians *I could leave the house without poop bags *I could buy a couch without having to think of extra space needed for the dog. *Words like, ball, walk, car, treat, could be spoken out loud instead of having to spell them. *I would only have to vacuum once a week, not several times a day to collect drifting dog hair. *I would not have to explain to non-pet people why I buy and wrap dog bones, treats, or toys to give my dog on his birthday. *My furniture would not look like of beavers lived in my home. *I could walk barefoot in the grass without wondering when I'd step in a fresh dog turd. *I could go out into public, without dog hair floating from my clothes. *I could have a bowl of ice-cream and not feel forced to share each bite with a drooling dog *I could take a vacation, and not have to phone the boarding kennel 10 times a day to see if the dog was happy. *I would yearn for the unconditional love my dog gives me. *I would cease to be a hero, in my dogs eyes *How empty my arms and life would be, if I didn't have a dog. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Old Granny went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mining Hall Of Fame http://www.mininghalloffame.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Temp File 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  June 6, 2007
======================================

Any event, once it has occurred,
can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
--- Lee Simonson

We are what we pretend to be,
so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
--- Kurt Vonnegut

=======================================

Re Sue's flowers, the following guesses came in:
Libby: Hydrangea
Kim: Wild Hydrangea
Chris: They are called Cashmere Bouquet;  cleredendron

I looked that one up and it does seem a very close match.



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this classic:

Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U. S.
involvement in Iraq, here's a sobering statistic:
There has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq
theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of
2,112 deaths. That gives a violent death rate of 60 per 100,000
soldiers. The violent death rate in Washington D. C. is 80.6 per
100,000 persons for the same period. That means that you are
about 25% more likely to be shot or knifed and killed in the U. S.
Capital than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The U. S. should pull out of Washington.

------------------
Some nitpickers will probably want to snivel about those
stats being a few months out of date. Don't waste my time
with that. The point is in the punch line, not in how current
those numbers are.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jochen and Maria Ranstett, 56, from Weiden, Germany Embarrassing Tie-Up May 23, 2007 - Weiden, Germany - Ananova A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains - and then losing the key to the padlock. Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp. After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen's mobile phone. He said: "It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this. "I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Kim for this picture: Wild Hydrangea ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Phil for this story: My two-year-old daughter, Paige, was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Paige kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of the other patients laughing hysterically. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: CJW Re: Temp File dear webby. question is there anyway to block this folder %temp%. type it run. see the email below about the question posed to me. thanks helmut! cjw MICROSOFT HAS A SECRET TEMP FOLDER THAT TAKES QUITE A BIT OF SPACE. TO DELETE THIS FOLDER GO TO START, RUN, AND TYPE IN %TEMP%. THEN OPEN, SELECT ALL AND DELETE. YOU 'LL GET A MESSAGE CANT THIS FILE, CLICK OK AND MOVE TO THE NEXT ONES. MAKE SURE ALL OPEN WINDOWS ARE CLOSED. WHEN I STARTED HAD 1700 ITEMS, FINISHED WITH THREE. DO THIS EVERY SO OFTEN. MARY REAL SIMPLE!! LOL CJW Dear Chuck What kind of Caps-Locker BS is that? The temp folder is not secret, never has been secret, and never will be secret. It is at C:\Documents and Settings\YourName\Local Settings\Temp There are more temp files in the same area. So what? You can use CrapCleaner to weed them out, but your browser will be slower, when it has to download stuff instead of re-using it. Honestly, it's not a sinister conspiracy to catch "Agent CapsLock". However, just because you are paranoid, that does not mean they are not out to get you! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 23, 2007 - Hanover, Germany - Ananova A German pensioner who hid her life savings in a vacuum cleaner dust bag because she didn't trust banks had them thrown out by her cleaner. Margarethe Willemsen, 80, from Hanover, had stashed her life savings of £57,000 in an old vacuum cleaner bag. But a new cleaning lady she had employed found the bag in a cupboard and threw it out, thinking it was rubbish. Willemsen managed to get the cash back though after she called the local rubbish collection service - which sent a team to sift through 45 tons of rubbish at a tip to find the bag. She said: "I thought it would be the perfect place to hide my cash but I was obviously wrong."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bringing Batteries on Camping Trips Before packing electronic devices or flashlights, remove the batteries before and store them in a ziplock bag. That way if something accidentally gets flipped on, you won't run down your batteries. That will also avoid embarrassing incidents in airport security, like my nephew experienced, when his razor got turned on by baggage handlers tossing his luggage around.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given." ============================================= KLEPTOMANIAC CAT The first time I saw my cat 'Tinker,' she was a kitten in a hardware store. She was happily digging in the cash register, sending coins flying. The owner shooed her away, but not before Tinker grabbed a $20.00 bill in her mouth and sped off with it. I thought she was cute. I took her home.Over the years she has stolen jewellery, pens, pill bottles, a watch, wax candles, keys, oven mitts, set of dentures, underwear, and yes, money. She hides her loot in her cat pan, pillowcases, in the laundry, shoes, even my purse. I have received many odd looks when I've opened my purse to find candles or shiny spoons. Not funny when I'm in a restaurant. I'll never forget the day at the bank, when a pair of my husbands briefs fell out of my purse. The bank manager was a very moral man. He knew my husband was away from home working. I was asking for a loan. I didn't get it. A friend spent the night at my house. She was extremely upset when her birth control pills went missing. Her husband was even more upset as he was booted to the dog house until she renewed her prescription. The pills showed up a week later, lodged in between my cook books. Once I had to explain to a cranky mother in law that my cat had stolen her dentures.They were in Tinkers cat pan. I boiled them before handing them back to the irate old lady. I really should be given an award for not grinning like a demented thing, when she popped those teeth into her mouth then announced she would be leaving. Ah, my Tinker cat. Thief or not, she is a champion! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor. ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Recipees from the Egg Board http://www.aeb.org/recipes/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to open a PayPal account? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 5, 2007
======================================

Pride is concerned with who is right,
humility is concerned with what is right.
--- Ezra Taft Benson

=======================================

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready
to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the
 kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his
 wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.

  Jake asks her: "What are you up to?"
  Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"

 Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly
 decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site.
  Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her:
 "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back
  as soon as I hear the shot".

  Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't
  bag an elephant--much less a deer. Not 10 minutes
pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.

 Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her
  stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
  Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he
   hears her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of
 gunfire.

 Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a
  cowboy, with his hands high in the air.
  The cowboy, obviously distraught, says: "Okay, lady, okay!!!!
  You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

ONE RECRUIT in our platoon at Fort Knox, Ky., had an unusual
habit. No matter what lowly detail he pulled, he would smile.
On a 20-mile hike with full backpack, this guy beamed from
ear to ear. Cleaning the latrine had him smiling as if
he'd just heard a comedy routine.  But on our long-awaited
graduation day, everyone was grinning except him.
"Why," I asked, "aren't you smiling today?"
"Because, now," he said, "it won't drive our drill
instructor crazy!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek, Colorado Sore Loser May 31, 2007 - Eagle Creek, Colorado - UPI Police were looking for an Oregon man who allegedly locked three pigs in his home hoping they would trash it after the house went into foreclosure. Detective Jim Strovink of the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office said Shane Lovett of Eagle Creek had been distraught about the foreclosure and joked to neighbors he had locked the pigs in his home more than a week ago without any food or water, KGW-TV in Portland, Ore., reported. Deputies responded to a neighbor's complaint about the pigs and found the inside and outside of the house had been trashed. Thomas Getten, an animal rescue expert, said the pigs were dehydrated but otherwise healthy after he coaxed them outside. The pigs had an escape route all along through the busted back door, but refused to make the jump to the patio below the door. The sheriff's department was asking anyone with information about Lovett's whereabouts to contact them. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-197513-551966 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sue for this picture: Can some one help me.....tell me the name of these flowers? They start by making a gob of small red berries, then the berries burst with pink flowers. Gorgeous. Sue from Crowley, Louisiana ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally propositioned the Choir director one night after practice, when they were alone in the Church. "Where Reverend?" she enthusiastically replied. "Right here on the floor." he panted. "It'd be too cold." she whispered. "How about standing up?" "Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses?" he shouted. "If anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: How to open a PayPal account Dear Webby, how do you set up a paypal account? I have wanted to know but kept forgetting to ask you. I look forward to your humor letter every day. my hubby & I have learned lots of things from you. THANKS Carol Dear Carol Just go to http://paypal.com and click on the "Sign Up" link in the top right corner. It will ask you the usual stuff, but not as much as when you sign up for a bank account downtown. Just fill that out, and you'll get your account. You can run it like a debit card account, so that you can only use whatever money you got in it, or you can back it up with a credit card, so that it can fall back onto that, if you are a bit short on a purchase or for example are buying more Skype Out minutes in the middle of a long phone call. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 25, 2007 - Greenville, South Carolina - AP A Goodwill Industries worker who turned in more than $5,000 she found in donated pajama pants will get to keep the money because the owner could not be found. Kelli Owens, a 21-year-old single mother of three, was sorting donated clothes as part of her training at Goodwill earlier this month when she found the money. She took it straight to her supervisor. ''She will get to keep the money,'' Goodwill spokeswoman Crystal Hardesty said Friday. ''It's being invested into a scholarship fund.'' Owens plans to go to Greenville Technical College to pursue a career in law enforcement. ''I just want everybody to be proud of me knowing that there is someone out there that is honest,'' Owens told WYFF-TV on Thursday. ''I couldn't keep it because it belonged to somebody else, you know. I couldn't live with myself knowing that.'' The money was in an envelope with a note naming the intended recipient. The giver wrote that he or she hoped the money would be spent wisely. Goodwill officials talked to more than 30 people, but none could give the right description, the name on the letter or where the donation was dropped off.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Waterproof Matches Here are a couple of ways to make your own waterproof stick matches for camping trips. Melt a small amount of paraffin wax in a double boiler and dip your the match head in the melted wax, then let dry. Or, coat the match head with clear nail polish. Regular, cheap BIC lighters don't suffer from falling into the water. They float nicely and work just fine after air drying a few minutes. If you need an extension to reach deep into a camp stove, a strand of uncooked spaghetti works great. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man was telling a friend about a nudist party he'd been invited to. "I rang the bell and the nudist butler opened the door." he stated. His friend interrupted, "How did you know he was the butler?" "Well, he answered smoothly, I could tell right away that it wasn't the maid." ============================================= DELICATE DISTINCTION I took my Maltese dog to a park to play with other dogs. It was a social time for people and pets. When my dog began to tire, I scooped up dog and blanket, said my goodbyes and we left. I was a block away when I noticed a man the size of a truck running after me yelling. It was getting dark. I took off, my dog bouncing in my arms. He kept coming. I was a bit frightened, hurried to a place where there were people and stopped to catch my breath. As he got closer he kept hollering, "Check the damn plumbing!" Just what I needed, some weirdo! My dog was struggling in my arms when the guy finally slammed to a stop in from of me. "Look, " he growled as he held his dog, a Maltese. He pointed to the dogs belly," This is a male." Tipping up the dog in my arms I saw I had a female. I have never been so damn embarrassed in my life. As we exchanged dogs. the crowd around us started to laugh. The man suggested I put a blue ribbon on my Maltese next time. I had grabbed the wrong dog. They were identical, unless you checked out the plumbing. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== THE COP WHO BUSTED YOU SAID WHAT... "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "In God we trust, all others are suspects." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old Time Radio http://www.otr.net/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to make a screen saver 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 4, 2007
======================================

People with courage and character always
seem sinister to the rest.
--- Hermann Hesse

=======================================

Just as John got in the door, after staying at the bar a bit
too long, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and
cuckooed 3 times. He realized his wife would probably wake
up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of
myself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to
escape a possible conflict.

Next morning the wife asked him what time he got in and he
told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew!

Got away with that one!

She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock. When
he asked her why, she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said
'Oh, f@#%,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, snickered, and finally cuckooed
twice more, and then it farted."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The company next door was encountering so many errors,
they are now seriously considering buying a computer to
blame them on.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Casper, Wyoming Fire-EMS Department Anything to get some exercise in fresh air May 9, 2007 - Casper, Wyoming - AP The response was quick and complete: When a passer-by called Tuesday to report a worker dangling from a Western Area Power Administration tower 150 feet in the air, authorities responded by sending Casper Fire-EMS rescue and command units, two Natrona County sheriff's vehicles, a fire protection district rescue unit and a Life Flight helicopter. All to rescue a dummy. Dave Neumayer, district manager for the power company, said the rescue dummy had been suspended from the tower last week as part of a training exercise. Lightning slowed plans to remove the dummy from the tower. The passer-by couldn't have known that. But Neumayer said the Casper Fire-EMS Department should have known - they participated in the training exercise. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for this picture: Finally found a way to stabilize my weight! I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years. We must get the word out. Kati ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute." Marie snapped. "You're just saying that to make me jealous." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Taurus Re: Making screen Savers Dear Webby, As I have told you many times, I love your Dad's pictures of his cacti. I would like to make them in to screen savers, but my senior mind has forgot how. Can you help me? I have learned many things from your computer tips and enjoy the letter immensely. I like the links you have on left side as they remind me to click on them & feed the poor, animals, and the breast cancer sight. You do lots of good for so many. Many thanks, Taurus. Dear Taurus The easiest way to make a screensaver is this: Use the Windows File Explorer to find your "My Pictures" folder. Make a new folder inside that and call it Archive Switch the File Explorer to Thumbnail view, Click on Folders, so that it shows the folders on the left side. (This works much better in Classical mode) Drag all pictures that you don't want included in your screen saver into the "Archive" folder. Save any new pictures, that you want included, into the "My Pictures" folder. Right-click on the desktop, Properties, Appearance, Screensaver Select "My Pictures" Set the delay time, and hit OK a bunch of times. From then on you will have a slide show of the pictures in "My Pictures" as a screen saver. If you want to make screen savers to send to friends, pick one from http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q ... &meta= Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 14, 2007 - Shuyang, Jiangsu,China - Ananova A Chinese grandmother who went to hospital with a headache was found to have had a bullet in her head for 64 years. Jin Guangying, 77, of Shuyang town, Jiangsu province, went to to Shuyang Leniency Hospital for an x-ray. "We were surprised to learn there was a bullet inside her head," her son, Wang Zhengbang, told the Yangtse Evening Post. Jin remembers that she was shot in 1943 during the Second World War by the invading Japanese army when she was taking supplies to her guerrilla father. "I was 13, living along the railways in Xuzhou city. One afternoon in September, my mother asked me to take a meal to my father and his colleagues who were fighting the Japanese," she said. "I was spotted by the Japanese army. They ran after me and opened fire. A bullet passed through the corner of my right ear. I hit the ground and lost consciousness." When Jin regained consciousness, she was already back home in bed. Her mother applied herbal medicines to the wound. Amazingly, she recovered after three months. Jin later learned that the bullet had gone through the arm of a person beside her before hitting her head. The chief surgeon, who removed the rusty bullet, was amazed it had remained in her head for so long without causing major problems. "The fact that the bullet lost strength and speed passing through another person, and that the point it struck is not vital, may explain her survival," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Beverage Cooler for Camping Bringing a cooler just for beverages when camping. That way, people can get into the cooler for beverages without letting cold air out of your food cooler. Also, save space by freezing some water bottles. You will have some fresh water on hand and not have to pack as much ice.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never quite got caught." ============================================= DISCIPLINARIAN OR PUSHOVER Feeding beloved pets gives us a warm feeling of satisfaction. Like us, pets love food that isn't good for them. How often have you crept out to the kitchen in the middle of the night to indulge in a snack only to be followed by the family critters. Animals seem to have a built in radar that alerts them the second the fridge door is opened. You hiss at them to go back to bed. However they consider the food to be as much theirs as yours. What you eat, they want. They know how to bully you emotionally plus are professionals at making you feel rotten to the core if you don't offer them a bite. I am convinced all pets come equipped at birth with knowledge of how to make humans suffer from extreme guilt. What they aren't born knowing, their mother's must teach them. Where do you rank with your fur-kids?A complete pushover or with discipline needed to say no! I'm afraid my critters have me well trained. I happily share! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00. She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition. She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?" "Well," she said, "it's my husband's car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: 'In Miami. Need bail money. Sell car'." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Marbles http://www.glassartists.org/Gal27134_Marbles.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Assign choice of program to open files 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 3, 2007
======================================

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
--- Edward Gibbon

Because things are the way they are,
things will not stay the way they are.
--- Bertolt Brecht

Someone who knows how to play the accordion,
and doesn't."
--- Al Cohn's definition of a gentleman

=======================================

Thanks to Karl in Denco for this story:
A German, a Frenchman, and an Israeli were out working in
the desert. Finally they got back into town and went into
the tavern.

Says the German:  "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have a
glass of beer."

Says the Frenchman:  "I'm tired and thristy, I must have a
glass of wine."

Says the Israeli:  "I'm tired and thirsty, I must have
diabetes."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A cowboy is sitting in a bar.  A man comes up to him and
asks, " Are you a real cowboy?"

"Yep" replies the cowboy.  I ride the range looking after
the cattle and I fix the fences."

"Cool" says the man.  I've always wanted to meet a real
cowboy.  "Let me buy you a beer."

So, the cowboy and the man chat for awhile, and the man
leaves.

A few minutes later a woman walks up to the cowboy.
"Are you a real cowboy?"

"Yep" replies the cowboy.  I ride the range looking after
the cattle and I fix the fences."

"I'm a lesbian" says the woman.

"What's a lesbian?" asks the cowboy.

"Well, when I wake up in the morning I'm thinking about
women.  When I'm in the shower I'm thinking about women.
When I'm eating I'm thinking about women.  Hell, I'm always
thinking about women."

"Hmm" replies the cowboy as the woman walks off with
her drink.

A few minutes later another man asks if he's a real cowboy.

"Well, up until a few minutes ago, I thought I was."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Damion M. Mosher, 18, of Lake Luzerne, New York Dumber than a bullet May 14, 2007 - Lake Luzerne, New York - AP A teenager who put bullets in a vise and whacked them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings was wounded in the abdomen by approximately the 100th bullet he hit, according to Warren County deputies. Damion M. Mosher, 18, had been discharging .223-caliber rounds, placing them in a steel vise, putting a screwdriver on the primer, and striking the screwdriver with the hammer, deputies said. Deputies were called to his home in Lake Luzerne shortly after 5 p.m. Saturday when one bullet went about a half-inch into his abdomen. He was treated at Glens Falls Hospital and was released. No charges were filed. Mosher told authorities he was trying to empty the rounds to collect the brass casings for scrap. An employee of Capitol Scrap Co. in Albany said Monday the business pays $1.70 a pound for scrap brass shell casings. Cleveland said Mosher's shells amounted to just a few pounds. -------------------- Unless they were stolen, he could have sold the ammo to a local shooting range for good money. .223's are not cheap! ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Connie for this: Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . . I'm sorry. . .what did you ask me? =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Choice of picture viewer Dear Webby, Whenever someone sends me a picture attachment, the Windows picture viewer pops up with the attachment. How can I change it so that my Picasa shows the picture instead of the Windows picture viewer? Is it even possible to change it to something other than that? Thanks and have a great weekend! Sincerely, Joyce Dear Joyce Go to MyComputer Tools Folder Options DON'T do what Microsoft says at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/307859 they are a bit confused about it. Instead click on File Types After a while, it will fill it's window with all the file types and shows what programs are associated with them. Find JPG, and change it's file association to Picasa then do the same for GIF. When done, hit OK until you are out of all that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 15, 2007 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - AP Ryan Lipscomb lived to tell how it felt to have a truck run over his head. "Really strange," he said. Lipscomb, 26 of Seattle, suffered a concussion but was otherwise unhurt. He was shaken up, especially after he saw his mangled helmet. Lipscomb, a graduate student in medical physics at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, was riding down a bike path in Madison on Friday afternoon. As he approached an intersection, he said, he noticed the oncoming delivery truck preparing to make a right turn in front of him. The truck wasn't going to stop, Lipscomb said, so he slammed on his brakes, flipping his bike and landing in the street. A moment later the truck rolled over his head. "I didn't see it coming, but I sure felt it roll over my head," he told The Capital Times newspaper. "It feels really strange to have a truck run over your head." His black helmet was flattened, tread marks visible on the cracked frame. Lipscomb was taken to a hospital and released about three hours later.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Items For Your Cooler Keep meat cool for longer when camping by freezing it before packing it in your cooler. You can also freeze prepared meals ahead of time like soup and chili. For long trips here are a few additional tricks: (With long trips I mean 7 - 14 day canoe trips in the wilderness, where there are no truckstops to get ice or supplies) Carefully plan the meals so that the perishables are used up in the first few days. Fill all empty spots in the cooler with dry ice. Unlike regular ice, do NOT put dry ice into ziplock bags! Dry ice is actually just compressed carbon dioxide snow and when it thaws, changes to gas. Drill a small air hole into the cooler lid to prevent a pressure build up and the lid going into orbit. If you can't get dry ice, use regular ice in ziplock baggies to fill every nook and crannie. Don't put all food into one cooler, but use a separate cooler for each canoe. Plan to carry the coolers for Kayakers on the canoes. You will still drift faster than they can paddle anyway. Cover the coolers with wet blankets. As the wind evaporates the water, it will take most of the evaporation heat from the cooler. Carry separate day-coolers and put the stuff, that you will need that day, into it in the early morning, so that you don't have to open the big coolers during the day. Keep your digital camera in a ziplock bag with a zipper knob. Only partially open the bag for taking pictures, so that you will not forget to put it back into the bag. If you think you can't enforce that, use disposable cameras. They float and are not harmed at all when they fall into the water. On a long trip they will. I know. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young and arrogant pilot wanted to "show off" on the aviation frequencies as he was approaching an airfield during the night. So, he disregarded policy and, instead of making an official request to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The air traffic controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?" ============================================= Big Joe, the local eccentric banged the door open to the coffee shop. "Ya see that dog outside with the lady?" he hollered. "She works for the bloody government" Joe was on his favourite rampage. He blamed the government for every wrong in the town. Joe was vibrating with anger. "She told me that dog has a nylon coat." He slammed his hand on the table. "Just look at that poor dogs ears. Damn govt, they been experimenting on that wee thing. They blew its ears up to the size of saucers." I took another look at the 'experimental' dog, trying to keep a straight face when I told him, "That's a Papillon. That's French for 'butterfly' as those dogs are bred to have big ears. The fur is normal, only said to be like nylon as dirt doesn't stick to it easily." I added, "They are very bright little dogs." Joe pondered for a moment." Well, that's sure for a fact then, the government had nuthin' to do with it." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred had died. He said, "you know, ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!" ========================================
Thanks to Deeli for today's Bonus Link: Let's try it with the long link instead of a short snip URL Looks like we hit them too hard and knocked them off. "Remember Me" by Lizzy Palmer http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=e ... autoplay=1 An other link to it is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0&eurl=
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Memory Error 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 2, 2007
======================================

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear
and the blind can see.
--- Mark Twain

Business opportunities are like buses,
there's always another one coming.
— Richard Branson

=======================================

Thanks to Noella for this story:

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His
wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning,
I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250
in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure
enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the
driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to
the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new heavy duty bathroom
scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning.
"I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line."

"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said.  "We'd like
to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."

"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Wojtulewicz of Highley, Arizona Snivelling Ninny Hmmmmm.... Have to pay for a yearbook but still can't have freedom of speech because of 'political correctness'. Great Granny Vi sent me the link for this story ...... May 17, 2007 - Phoenix, Arizona - The Arizona Republic A Higley High School senior claims that God was edited out of his biography in the school's yearbook, prompting him to seek an explanation from the school on Wednesday. Anthony Sciubba, 18, an honors student and athlete who plans to become a doctor and Christian missionary someday, was one of 13 seniors to receive a special full-page tribute in the yearbook, which was distributed Tuesday. Students selected for the tribute were nominated by teachers at the Gilbert school. The text accompanying a photo of Sciubba, shown wearing his letter jacket and holding a Bible, reads that "according to Sciubba, he owed all of his success to others." Sciubba said that he specifically credited God but was told Tuesday by Jennifer Wojtulewicz, the yearbook's faculty adviser, t hat "God" could not be printed because of concerns over separation of church and state. Sciubba said he met Wednesday morning with Shannon Hannon, the school's vice principal, and was told that the school would consult with lawyers on the matter. Sciubba ranks fourth in the senior class and carries a grade- point average of 4.6. This week, he was one of 27 students in the Southeast Valley to receive a $2,500 college scholarship from Ronald McDonald House Charities of Phoenix. He also has received a $10,000 award from Toyota. "All these great things have happened to me, but it's all from God," Sciubba said. "God is a controversial figure, and people say that because of that, I can't give credit to him." ---------------------------- Whether or not somebody believes in God is their own right and privilege. I think Sciubba can sue the sniveling ninnies for defamation, slander and libel. They deliberately changed his quote to state something totally different from what he said. As editors they can leave out his quote, but they can not change it to the opposite or something that different. Good grades credited to "others" implies cheating at exams. Good grades credited to God implies that the student has a belief that kept him on the straight and narrow, and focused on studying rather than partying. A good lawyer could probably get him a six or seven figure settlement. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon with the story. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of the runway, parked, and climbed on board. Off they flew into the clear blue skies. At about 5,000 feet, the reporter took out his camera and said to the man flying the plane, "Bank right and I'll take some pictures of this fire." Then he heard the most frightening questions of his life, "Bank right? How do I do that? You ARE the instructor, aren't you?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marsha Re: Memory Error Dear Webby, Thank you for the GMail invite. I was wondering if I would have to change my humor letter subscription but am very pleased to see that I do not. I have been running Crap Cleaner, often, as it is temporarily fixing the error message I am getting but the message keeps coming back. I have been considering reformatting the computer as it has had constant problems. My dilemma is that I attend college online at the Art Institute Online. I have a break coming up in a few weeks and was going to do it then. My question is, is there another solution without reformatting? If I do go ahead with the format is there an easy way to transfer files to my other computer? I have a desktop with XP that I would be transferring to, from a laptop with XP both are on a wireless network. Also, how would I prevent overlooking any files? Thanks for any advice! Marsha P.S. The error I get refers to memory being low and it pops up when I close IE. Dear Marsha Most likely your laptop has less than 1 GB RAM, and less than 20% free disk space. Consider adding more RAM and getting a larger hard drive at the same time as you do the formatting. Then you can stick the old hard drive into a $15 USB remote hard drive enclosure and use it as a back-up drive. That allows you to do a clean install onto the new drive, and still have all your files untouched on the remote pocket drive. You can get a 100 GB drive nowadays for about $80. If that is not in the budget, make a plan of what on the laptop is actually worth saving, and drag that to the desktop machine, but ignore all the wacky utilities and supposed fixers and registry cleaners and similar stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 31, 2007 - Shelby, North Carolina - AP A radio listener helped save a disc jockey who suffered an on-air seizure and pleaded for help before passing out in his studio. WOHS DJ Tim Biggerstaff, who has suffered from diabetes since childhood, has always been candid about his health. When he felt a seizure about to strike Monday, he called out to his listeners. Gerald Weathers heard the plea and raced to the nearby studio. Since Biggerstaff was the only person working on the holiday, officials contacted another WOHS radio employee to unlock the door. Biggerstaff was found unconscious inside. "It's quite frankly a bloody miracle that I am here at all," said Biggerstaff, 46. This isn't the first time a listener has saved the DJ's life. Three years ago, a listener donated a kidney to him when he needed a transplant. http://snipurl.com/1n2nq
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organized Camping Meals Here's a tip to save to help you organize your meals when camping. Measure ingredients for a recipe into small ziplock bags and then place those into one large bag with a label. It makes meal preparation a snap and ensures that you don't pack a lot of extra ingredients.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ============================================= A few questions I've been asked about dogs. Q. Why does our family dog claim our favourite chair as his own. A. Same reason you do. It's probably soft and comfortable, nice cushions or a blanket to cuddle into. The chair is likely placed in a spot where there aren't any drafts, or beside a window so he can watch the world go by. But more likely, because the chair smells like you. Sitting in your favourite chair, when you're not around comforts him so he's not quite as lonely. Learn to share. Q. Do dogs have bellybuttons? A. Yes, but you'll have to look really closely to find it. It's the same as with humans, a dog's bellybutton marks the spot where the umbilical cord was attached before he was born. Q. I have two long haired Persian cats. My small dog insists on sleeping with them, and is quite aggressive about sharing their bed. Should I stop him from doing this? The cats lick him, I don't think that is good for them. A. Now that's one smart dog! If the cat's are allowing him to join them in their space they can't be all that concerned. He gets to sleep with soft fluffy cushions that vibrate. Cat's like to groom, if they are in grooming 'mode' he's going to get scrubbed. It sounds like the three have it all worked out. Just enjoy. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly. "There are twelve of us." ========================================
Thanks to Deeli for today's Bonus Link:: "Remember Me" by Lizzy Palmer http://snipurl.com/1n2o8
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: New Critter Corner 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  June 1, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time.
--- Deborah Chaskin

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...
well, I have others.
--- Groucho Marx

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she
collapses from a heart attack!

'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband.

The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few
minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the gr! een and stares at him.
'I'm dying over here and you're putting?'

'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly. 'they found a
doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'.

'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?!

'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting
stroke.  Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

    KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO..

Alabama
Hell Yeah, We Have Electricity.

Alaska
11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona
Yeah, But It's A Dry Heat.

Arkansas
Lituracy Ain't Everythang.

California
By 30, Our Women Have More
Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

Connecticut
Like Massachusetts , only smaller

Delaware
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

Florida
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
And Our Voting Skills.

Georgia
We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

Idaho
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well, Okay, We're Not, But The
Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky
Five Million People;
Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana
We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

Maine
We're Really Cold, But We
Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland
If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our
Senators Are More Corrupt!

Michigan
First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians

Minnesota
10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes

Mississippi
Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana
Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing
Crazies, and Honest Elections!

Nebraska
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada
Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire
Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey
You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Your ##$%##! Motto Right here!

New Mexico
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York
You Have The Right To Remain Silent,
You Have The Right To An Attorney...
And No Right To Self Defense!

North Carolina
Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota
We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio
At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma
Like The Play, But No Singing

Oregon
Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina
Remember The Civil War?
Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

South Dakota
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee
Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

Texas
Se Hable Ingles

Utah
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont
Too liberal for the Kennedy's

Virginia
Who Says Government Stiffs And
Slackjawed Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington
Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!

West Virginia
One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin
Come Cut the Cheese!

Wyoming
Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared
Home of Brokeback Mtn.

The District of Columbia
The Work-Free Drug Place !

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sabrina Walker of Hopkins, Minnesota Rerport sent in by Chris O BAD example (WCCO) Police say a Hopkins school counselor mistakenly received a $2.6 million check intended for the Hennepin County Medical Center and went on a spending spree before reporting the mistake. Sabrina Walker is accused of using the money to buy a sports car, jewelry and electronics as well as a CD, a treasury bond and two retirement accounts. "I can't fathom to it. I can't relate to it. She's delusional. I just can't come up with an excuse for it. It's one of the craziest cases I've ever had," said detective Brandon Deshler of the Minnesota Financial Crimes Task Force. "She immediately, and I'm talking within hours began pulling out cashier's checks, cash. She brokered the two Land Rover deals," said Deshler. Walker took the money out after she called the Minnesota Department of Human Services to ask about the check six weeks after she got it. "We hadn't heard back from Hennepin County Medical Center yet that they didn't receive the check so it went through the system and she had it for a period of time before it was discovered and she ended up being the one to tip us off," said Tim Wilken, the Department of Human Services Assistant Commissioner. Administrators at the Department of Human Services are now working to try to eliminate the kind of human error which caused the $2.6 million to land in the wrong mailbox. "It's as simple as a typographical error," said Wilken. "Obviously we had a weakness here and it slipped through the cracks. We don't find it acceptable and we're going to make sure we address it as soon as possible." At Hopkins High School, where Walker was a school integration specialist, it was the buzz in the halls. "It's kind of shocking to know that someone that's supposed to be helping and supposed to be guiding you through school that she would do something that was so wrong," said sophomore Molly Korman. Walker remains in jail and is on administrative leave from Hopkins High School pending the outcome of the case. http://wcco.com/crime/local_story_150194736.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. "An Ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Andersons have company, he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike!" Looks like the Sanders are moving!" "Jason is on his skate board...." After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having Sex!!" Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, How do you know they are having sex?" " Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Dipsticks Dear Webby Check that dipstick site, can save a whole 2 cents by driving 10 miles, think it's worth the trip, ha ha Roland Dear Roland Some of us buy more than one gallon at a time, and often the difference is 10 - 20 cents. However, the main idea is to prove to the gas stations, that we do compare prices, and that we support the station with the lowest gas price. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Birdbath Use two large stackable plastic bowls. Nail one of them onto a fence post, and set the other one into it. That way it will be held securely in any wind, but is easy to remove for cleaning or filling.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
============================================= Out canvassing for a charity, my friend Irene and I knocked at a door. It was opened by a huge bear of a man, who was wearing a large black bra, over his shirt. Irene, being a devout Catholic, crossed herself, backed up ready to make a fast retreat. I asked politely for a donation, trying to keep my eyes from wandering to his protruding undergarment. He grinned evilly at me, "Wanna feel em?" Horrified, I turned to leave, when one side of his bra came alive with motion. Irene was now crossing herself with a flurry, muttering, "Jaysus, Mary and Murphy." She was begging the saints to protect her, when a tiny tail flipped out of his bra. "Oh my sweet Lord," she squealed, "He's got rats in his boobs," bolted for the car, offering up 'Hail Mary's.' as she tore off the porch. An old lady came out of the house, glared at the man, who just grinned back. He put his hands up to cradle both cups, which were now writhing with movement. She turned to me asking, "Did he ask you to play with them?" "Yes", I gulped. "Well," she said, patting my hand, " He's not too bright, but it's not what you think." She ordered him to pull his bra out so I could peek inside. Hesitantly I watched, while he pulled the garment down. When I got a good look I burst out laughing. Tiny muzzles with whiskers, long sinuous bodies, small heads with bright beady eyes, stared back at me. "Their mama died," he explained, " This bra is the perfect place to keep them warm." Both cups were filled to the brim with tiny baby ferrets. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== An instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sexy-looking lady knocked on his door. "Yes?", he replied, "how may I help you?" The lady said, "I need to talk to you about my grade in your class." "Come in and have a seat," said the instructor. "Is there anything I can do to get an "A" in your class?" "What do you mean by *anything*?" he replied. She said, "Anything!" "Anything??" She said, in her best sultry voice, "I mean ANYTHING." The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, "Would you ... .... study?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Crayon Artist http://tinyurl.com/2yym7y
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dipsticks 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 31, 2007
======================================

 "Let us never negotiate out of fear;
but let us never fear to negotiate."
— John F. Kennedy

=======================================

The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed
a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn't too sure how to get there, so told the
couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their
destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait to
get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple's moment of passion, the cab driver
noticed a fork in the road,
and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"No way, get your own," said the groom,
"this one's all mine...."

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded
man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving
his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to lawyers Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland in Chicago, Ill Dumb Ad May 9, 2007 - Chicago, Illinois - AP A racy billboard proclaiming "Life's short. Get a divorce" caused such an uproar that city workers stripped it from its downtown perch after a week. It wasn't so much about the partially clothed man and woman on the law firm's ad. It was the phrase that lawyers Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland chose that drew scores of complaints from neighbors and from other attorneys who said it reflected poorly on their profession. A city alderman who lives nearby found a technical reason to jettison the sign. "I called the building inspector and told him to do his job and he did," said Alderman Burton Natarus. "It has nothing to do with content or anything else. They did not have a permit and they were ordered to take it down." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?" "No sir," answered the man. "Did you ever get any from his wife?" "No sir." "Did you ever get any from his daughters?" "Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "we're still talking about drugs here, right?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wes Re: Oil Shortage Dear Webby Oil Shortage, ... Dipsticks in Washington... Wes Dear Wes There is no oil shortage. We have millions of capped wells here in Alberta, waiting for some demand. The same in Alska. The dipsticks are all over, not just in Washington. You have a Free Enterprise economy. The gasoline price is not set in Washington, but by the gas stations. And they set it according to the local gullibility index. As your country is swinging towards the Socialist side, you definitely show the oil companies and gas stations that the sheep are in a gullible mood. As long as the sheep buy from higher priced stations, instead of first checking at http://www.gasbuddy.com/, and consistently buying only from the lowest priced stations, the price has not peaked yet. When a gas station owner sees the sheep and the dipsticks paying five cents more across the street, then naturally he is going to raise his price too. The only way you can lower the gas prices is by checking at GasBuddy or similar sites first, and boycotting stations that charge more than the absolutely lowest price for your area. If your neighborhood is not listed yet, volunteer! It only takes a few seconds to report. And above all, educate the dipsticks in your area to check the gas prices first, not just the cleavage of the gas station attendants. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 13, 2007 - Toronto, Canada - Canadian Press The air at Toronto City Hall was filled with feathers Saturday as about 200 people whacked total strangers with down-filled pillows. The massive public pillow fight was held in front of city hall and at 3 p.m. when the signal was given, chaos filled the square for more than half an hour as pillows burst and feathers coated innocent bystanders. Most of the participants were teenagers and young adults. Many dressed up for the occasion, wearing bandannas, ski goggles and capes. The younger children mostly watched from the sidelines, seeming confused and a little disappointed at all the grown-ups who had taken over their fun. The fight was organized by Newmindspace, an interactive public art co-operative.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy a Programmable Thermostat A programmable thermostat can save you 10% annually on your heating and cooling costs. They are easy to install and can be purchased at any hardware or home improvement store for about $50. That way you aren't heating or cooling the house when no one is home.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again.' " =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world. RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room. RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Scotch Tape Art http://www.squizzle.com/picview.asp?id=18643
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Budget computer recommendation 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 30, 2007
======================================

Happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have;
it depends solely on what you think.
--- Dale Carnegie

=======================================

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET
MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows
who had been rivals all their lives followed different career
paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the
other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"
The Admiral approached, bowed, and said
"Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis Grout, 19, of Coralville, Iowa Crackerhead May 8, 2007 - Iowa City, Iowa - AP A man faces up to 25 years in prison if convicted of throwing a firecracker inside a Coralville mall. Travis Grout, 19, has been charged with first-degree arson, public intoxication and interference with official acts for an incident April 16 at Coral Ridge Mall. According to police reports, a witness saw Grout light a 3-inch long firecracker and throw it down a hallway toward a restroom. As it exploded, it propelled two pieces of cement through the hall, reports state. Grout left the area with four friends. Police said the area had "countless" people, but it was unclear whether anyone was injured. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandy for this picture of her Peace Lily ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about the policy again. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Stormy O Re: Computer recommendation Dear Webby I'm giving my Toshiba lap top to my son. What would 'you' recommend for someone who loves to download everything, save up "stuff' and writes? Any help here would be appreciated! The computer store here says they can build one for me, keeping in mind what I want it for. They start at about $1,1000. I am on a diet concerning income, so have to be really sure of what I buy. Thanks, have a super day, stormy O' Dear Stormy O I have heard about the computer stores in your town. Forget them. Get yourself the cheapest DELL with Windows XP for $379 http://configure.dell.com/dellstore/con ... C521SX_R_E and increase the RAM to 1 GB. That costs $50 more. And that's it! Anything else is just for bragging on the school bus, but won't make any difference, that you would notice with what you use the machine for. If you have a budget to kill, add a nice, fashionable flat panel monitor: 17 inch E177FP Analog Flat Panel [add $150] Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Sent in by Ross This girl either saved her life or prevented serious trauma by quick thinking and use of her father's shotgun. 11 year-old girl shoots two illegal alien home intruders Two illegal aliens, Ralphel Resindez 23 and Enrico Garza 26, probably believed they would easily overpower a home alone 11 year old Patricia Harrington, after her father had left their two story home. It seems the two crooks never learned two things, they were in Montana and Patricia had been a clay shooting champion since she was nine. Patricia was in her upstairs room when the two men broke through the front door of the house. She quickly ran to her father's room and grabbed his 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun. Resindez was the first to get up to the second floor only to be the first to catch a near point blank blast of buck shot from the 11 year olds' knee crouch aim. He suffered fatal wounds to his abdomen and genitals. When Garza ran to the foot of the stairs, he took a blast to the left shoulder and staggered out into the street where he bled to death before medical help could arrive. It was found out later that Resindez was armed with a stolen 45 caliber handgun he took from another home invasion robbery. The victim of that robbery, 50 year old David Burien, was not as lucky. He died from stab wounds to the chest. The 11 year-old girl staved off a robbery and potential rape because her parents taught her how to use a gun. Her parents didn't just didn't a gun in the house and not educate her on the power that a firearm provides. They taught her how to use it properly.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Twist Ties and Rubber Bands Twist ties work well for wrapping up power tool cords and keeping wires together. Rubber bands also have a variety of uses and are good to keep handy. Take an old bike inner tube and cut it into rings to make some heavy duty rubber bands.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Morris for this story: One day, while driving with my then 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't say 'A********!' after beeping!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: US Cities by size http://tinyurl.com/3cqjgm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Does not hibernate 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 29, 2007
======================================

Failures are like skinned knees, painful but superficial.
--- Ross Perot

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this report:
A hot red convertible with an equally hot woman driver raced
by as my husband and his friend stopped to stare.
"Wow," sighed Rick. "Nice."
"Yeah," agreed his buddy, transfixed.
"What color was the car?" I asked.
They answered simultaneously, "Blonde."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in
one of their top spy hunters.

The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is
Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland.  If you think
you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather
forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll
answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'"

So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of
the small towns.  He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can
help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy."

The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more
specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named
Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop
on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president
of our local savings bank.  There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who
works at the stables.  And, as a matter of fact, my name is
Murphy, too."

Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the
code words on the bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast
calls for mist in the morning."

The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy.
He lives right down the street."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandra McDonagh of Brighton, Sussex, UK Sniveling Ninnie May 9, 2007 - Brighton, Sussex, UK - The Sun A playwright has been told to warn audiences his show features a roast chicken to avoid offending vegetarians. Doug Devaney, 41, is starring in one-man play Mein Gutt, a black comedy about one man's losing battle with obesity. But Brighton Fringe Festival organisers say the roast chicken in the play could cause offence, reports the Sun. Mr Devaney, of Brighton, said: "I've heard of strobe lighting or nudity being cause for audience concern but never roasted chicken. I'm happy to do it - I just find it weird. Will Shakespeareans have to warn theatre-goers about eye-gouging in King Lear from now on? It takes some of the surprise of theatre away." But event organiser Sandra McDonagh said: "We don't want to cause offence." ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Cindy for this picture from her visit to the Toledo zoo =========================================== These ads could have benefitted from a bit of proof-reading! Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Great Dames for sale. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the f**king putt, didn't you?" Contributed by: Mary (I wonder if that is Mother Mary... LOL) =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: No Hibernation Dear Webby I need your help Again. On my new Windows XP machine I cannot seem to get any of the power options to work. It will not automatically go into standby or shutdown or hibernate (I have the hibernate option checked to on). I have tried to change the times to activate a function and changed to different settings to no avail. It will go to screen saver and thats all. What am I missing? You have always given me good advice and thanks. I have been with you since 1998 and your tips are great. But "help" once again. Ron P Dear Ron Some brands use proprietary hot-keys to get into the BIOS set-up. Best would be to call the support for the brand that you have, and get them to tell you what non-standard way they use to accomplish that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Los Angeles, California - Press Release Dori Kenneally is a lawyer and former prosecutor who volunteers as a children's advocate. Now working behind the scenes, she speaks up for children who are lost in the legal and social welfare systems in Los Angeles. Since most of these children come from homes with serious substance abuse issues, Dori is especially committed to raising awareness about the need for more quality drug and alcohol treatment programs. She hopes they will benefit drug-addicted mothers and their young children, providing a safe environment where the entire family can heal.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Animals Out of Trash A bungie cord securing the lid should prevent trash from spilling out if an animal tips it over. As a deterrent, fill a spray bottle with ammonia and spray the outside of the can every few days. This will keep animals away.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the #$% six inch putt, didn't you?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Kentucky An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Clouds http://www.cloudappreciationsociety.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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Dear Webby: Weird colors on digital pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 28, 2007
Memorial Day in the US
Time for the backstabbers to snivel about the war
and for the rest of us to remember the heroes who
gave their life for the country.

======================================

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
--- Sir Winston Churchill

=======================================

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus
stop where two Americans are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."

"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and
it didn't do him any good."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,
"I'm  so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will
do the trick he  has been promising us."

The grandmother was curious.

"What trick is that my dear," she asked.

 The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he
would climb the walls if you came to visit us again."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brandon Loving and Antoine Irby of Chicago, Ill IQ lower than shoe size? May 13, 2007 - Chicago, Illinois - UPI Chicago police said an attempted shoe robbery was foiled when back room workers heard the robbers shouting the sizes they wanted to steal. The Clothing Zone workers phoned police and Brandon Loving and Antoine Irby were arrested, the Chicago Sun-Times reported Tuesday. A third suspect fled the scene. Police Detective Debra Sanello said the three men -- two armed -- entered the store and instructed employees to stay down on the floor. Sanello said the men grabbed clothing from the racks but alerted back room workers when they shouted about shoe sizes. "We only want 10s and 11s," Sanello quoted the men as shouting. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Doug for this picture of the beer can tree at the Horseshoe Bay ferry terminal. Every year storms knock some cans down, but people hang fresh ones up. Nobody knows why, but I have never seen the can tree bare. =========================================== Sixth grade science teacher Mr. Sampson asks his class; "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way. "Mary, can you tell me?" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask me such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!" Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted, he asks the class the question again. This time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam," says Mr. Sampson. "Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to say to you. First, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, one day you are going to be sadly disappointed." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== While standing in line at airport security this morning, the ahead of me poked her index finger at an article in the newspaper she was reading and made a rather unflattering comment about the author. I read: "12 ideas to help you keep that resolution to lose weight." After a couple of paragraphs, the article lists things to do. The second of these hints reads: "When cooking yourself, substitute lower-fat ingredients whenever possible...." "HUH?" she then asked, "Am I supposed to hunt down and cook low-fat jogger instead of myself?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ollie Re: Pictues have a weird tint Dear Webby The last 15 pictures that I took, all have a weird tint and less light than I expected. What could be the cause of that? Ollie Dear Ollie Most likely you or somebody turned the main selector wheel on the camera from Auto to Macro or some other unsuitable setting. Put it back to Auto, and the camera will be fine again. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2007 - Portland, Indiana - AP With her father as a role model and a love of the television show ''CSI,'' a high school senior has become Indiana's youngest certified death investigator. Amanda Barnett, 18, was certified last month and is one of four deputy coroners working for her father, Jay County Coroner Mark Barnett. ''It's kind of weird to my friends,'' she said. ''To other people it's disgusting, but I think it's interesting, and somebody's got to do it.'' Amanda Barnett said her goal has been to follow in her father's footsteps since his first campaign for coroner 15 years ago, and she has attended numerous coroner conventions with him. Her father accompanied her on some of her first calls. ''I'll ask her what she's doing and why,'' Mark Barnett said. ''She might catch something that I don't think of.'' She had to receive special permission to attend a certification class given by the Indiana State Coroners Training Board because she was only 17 when it began. She scored 97 percent on the test, submitted four case reports and attended an autopsy. Barnett will soon graduate from high school, and she said she plans to attend Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis in the fall to become a forensic nurse examiner.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Locks If you have a stubborn lock, spray it with some graphite lock spray. You can buy it at any hardware store. In a pinch, you can try using some non-stick vegetable oil on both the lock and key. You can also try dipping your key in talcum powder and inserting it in the lock. All of those items will ensure that your locksmith will charge you extra, because they are a pain in the nuisance to clean out off a lock. Actually, I got the term "pain in the nuisance" from Garry, the guy who taught me most of what I know about locksmithing and burglar alarm security. When a lock gets stubborn, it's not from lack of lubrication, but because of dirt causing friction. Adding more stuff, especially stuff that will attract and hold even more dirt, just makes the inevitable cleaning more expensive. One of the few sprays that won't make things worse is Crown Mold Release spray. It has a very thin carrier fluid that helps flushing grit out, and it covers the parts with a dry, waxy dirt repellant coating. Unless you locked yourself into the garage and need to get out, your best bet is to take the lock to a locksmith, and tell him right away, that you have restrained yourself from spraying weird stuff into the lock. Have FUN! Dear Webby Hi Garry!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - Let me show you how." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for $5.00, I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair." The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word. The old man continued, For $10.00 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20.00 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life. The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20.00 bill and holds it up. "So you want the nice romantic evening in my room, huh?" asks the old man. "Heck no!" replies the old lady, "I want it four times in the rocking chair!!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Common Soldier
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Make your own screen saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 27, 2007
======================================

Forgiveness does not change the past,
but it does enlarge the future.
--- Paul Boese

Imagination is the highest kite one can fly.
--- Lauren Bacall

=======================================

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and
forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second
customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have
an air conditioner."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also
a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass
scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed. It was
not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the
aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask
the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need
for his remarks during the service.

As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives
were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one
woman, "Brother or sister?"

"Cousin," she replied.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Antonucci, 58 of Plymouth, England Easy Come, Easy Go May 12, 2007 - Plymouth, Devon, UK - Daily Mirror A lottery winner has spent his £2.8million ($ 5.5million) fortune and gone back to the job he quit when he won the jackpot 12 years ago. Michael Antonucci, 58, became one of Britain's first lotto winners after borrowing a tenner from his mum to buy tickets. He spent the cash on a boat, a nightclub, luxury properties, dabbling in different businesses and a 12 week marriage to a topless model. But now Michael's back at his old trade - buying junk furniture and exporting it to the United States from a lock-up in Plymouth, reports the Daily Mirror. He said: "It was an experience I would never have had if I had not won the lottery. He spent £750,000 on a former convent, £300,000 opening a furniture store which failed, £40,000 on launching a pop band, and also tried running a pub and a massage parlour. His wedding to glamour girl Kelly Arkins, 22, on a beach in the Bahamas, cost £10,000. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carlie Re: Screen Savers Dear Webby I got all kinds of mail telling me that I need to buy a screen saver to protect my monitor. Is there any truth to that? Carlie Dear Carlie It's true that you need a screen saver, but totally untrue that you need to buy one. There are a bunch of them included with Windows and you can use any of them for free. You can also make your own for free. Right-click on the desktop, select Properties, Screensaver select My Pictures. Then it will use the pictures that you have in your "My Pictures" folder. Depending on who might see your screen saver, discretion is advised regarding to what kind of pictures you got in that folder. The picture of your boss getting arrested after the Christmas party might be hilarious, but it will probably be considered undiplomatic, if it shows up while you are out to lunch. Aside from those considerations, any pictures will work. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 13, 2007 - Ottawa, Ontario, Canada - CNews Most people raise money for their charity of choice by doing a walkathon or canvassing door-to-door. Not Roy Berger. The 41-year-old Ottawa man shattered a world record yesterday by completing 1,009 fist push-ups in 16 minutes and 57 seconds. The special education teacher's efforts were to help raise money for Christie Lake Camp, a summer camp for underprivileged children. In front of a crowd of about 100 at the Westgate Shopping Centre's food court, the tall, lean man with a shaved head and tattoos bobbed up and down in 30-push-up intervals before smashing the record.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts For House Plants Use packing peanuts to create a drainage layer in the bottom of your planter. This is wonderful for large planters because it helps keep them lighter. Make sure to use styrofoam peanuts because biodegradable peanuts will decompose.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees, but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears. "The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four," she says. "Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks. Just before quitting time the husband gets another call from her, and this time she is frantic. "I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells him, "and it's ready to go in the oven." "Then what's the problem?" he asks. The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't go up to 700 degrees!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== I'm also a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Legacy of light http://www.llg.ca/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Defrag never finishes 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 26, 2007
======================================

The game of life is the game of boomerangs.
Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later,
with astounding accuracy.
--- Florence Shinn

=======================================

Three guys were standing around talking about dying when
one asked, "What would you like people to say about you as
they come to pay their last respects?"
The second man said, "I hope they say I was a respected
doctor in my field, a good family man, and had lots of friends."

The third man said, "I hope they say I was a well spoken
attorney, helped my fellow man, good citizen, and played a
mean round of golf."

The first man said, "That's probably what will be said of the
two of you. My hope is that when they look down in my coffin,
they say, "Look...he's moving"!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time
to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to
leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts back..."Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristina Andreeva, 23 and Ivan Filin, 48 of Sofia, Bulgaria Not fit to drive May 12, 2007 - Sofia, Bulgaria - Ananova A driving student lost her license three hours after passing her test after going for a drink with her instructor to celebrate. Police in the Bulgarian capital Sofia pulled over Kristina Andreeva, 23, for erratic driving and a breath test found both she and instructor Ivan Filin, 48, were three times over the limit. Andreeva said: "I had promised to buy him a drink if I got my license and we went to a cafe, had a couple of wines and then offered to drive him home. I was so happy I just didn't think about the drink drive rules." Police said they had also stripped Filin of his driving license and his business license as a driving instructor for encouraging drink-driving. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man and his wife went to a psychiatrist to see if they could gain some relief for the man's belief that he was a refrigerator. After meeting with the husband, the psychiatrist assured the wife that there was nothing about which to be concerned. A bit perturbed the wife stated, "But doc at night when he sleeps with his mouth open the light keeps me awake!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bobbie Re: Defrag never finishes Dear Webby My computer is getting really slow, so a friend suggested that I defrag it. I tried that, but the Windows defrag never finishes. It just keeps re-starting. What am I doing wrong? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Forget the Windows defrag. It won't work for me either. First, make sure you got about 20% of your hard drive free. Then get DisKeeper. It's not free, but well worth the money. You can get a free trial version at Diskeeper Set it to defrag automatically whenever your screensaver comes on, then leave the machine running overnight. By morning it will be nicely defragged and from then on stay that way. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2007 - Albania - Ananova A wolf captured in Albania has become best friends with a donkey. The donkey was put in the wolf's cage as part of its feeding programme. But instead of hunting it down and eating it, the wolf befriended the donkey, reports Sky News. The two animals have since become inseparable, living together in the cage for the last 10 days. Curious villagers and local news reporters have been flocking to see the unlikely couple for themselves. The wolf was captured four months ago in the northern Albanian mountains.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. A serrated knife sounds rather barbaric to me! Cut some leftover shelving or other wood with the same thickness as a layer of the cake to just fit into your cake pans and sand and varnish it nicely, because some day it will become a heirloom. After you dump the cake, put the wood spacer in and the cake on top of that. Then use the edge of the cake pan as a guide to saw it into layers with dental floss. Remove the bottom layer and put the top layer onto the spacer and trim the top to be precisely the same as the bottom. You will get the same laser smooth cut that the professionals get (who use that same old trick). If you don't have any scrap wood, a book or a stack of junk mail in a ziplock bag works fine too. If you do a lot of cakes in a row, tie the ends of the dental floss to wooden spoons so that you don't cut your hands. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep. Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the car, was a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired. "Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27." The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was another knock on the window. There stood another jogger who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?", Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34." The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME." He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger. He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?" The jogger replied, "It's 6:42." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two men were sitting in a doctors office. "What are you here for?" asked one. "Circumcision," came the reply. "That's rouh! I had one of those the day after I was born," the first man commented. "Afterward, I couldn't walk for a year." ======================================== Here is the long link for yesterday's Bonus Link Site: http://www.kessels.com/Hobby/cats/Quotes.html
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link:: Dragon Boats More Dragon Boats Even more Dragon Boats
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dark Sites 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 18, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved
- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
--- Victor Hugo

=======================================

Plumber to wife of would-be handyman:
"To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign
objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away
with hot water --
and above all, hide your husband's wrenches."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed
 her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day,
 whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then
 told her husband that women  use twice as many words as men because
 they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said,
 "What?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shenyang botanical park A pony by any other color... Shenyang botanical park is charging 30p each for pictures with the animal which, as well as painted black stripes, has fluffy white hair. When asked if the zebra is real, the feeder answered: "It's from Africa. What do you call it, if it's not a zebra?" "We saw right away that the zebra is fake, but we are here for fun, so it doesn't really matter," said a mother who had just paid for her child's picture. According to the City Evening News, the park says it doesn't know if the horse is a zebra or not. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== "Painted Hills", Oregon =========================================== Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Janet Re: Dark Sites Dear Webby One of my flakey relatives has a page with dark blue writing on a mostly black background, which makes it very hard for me to read. Is there a way I can change that on my browser (IE6) Thanks Janet Dear Janet You might want to keep a close watch on that flakey relative. Quite often that kind of web design is the equivalent of the whispering phase that some suiciders go through. In the mentime, to be able to read the text, hit CTRL A to select All. As long as you just move scroll bars and don't click into the page, all text will remain highlighted and will be easy to read. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 11, 2007 - Walters, Oklahoma - AP A rescue team navigated flooded farmland in a boat to save a 70-year-old woman and her dog from rising floodwaters and made another critical rescue — a pot of stew from the woman's stove. Geneva Taptto frantically began calling for help Wednesday when she realized her rural home near Walters was surrounded by floodwaters. Local sheriff's deputies and the Oklahoma Highway Patrol's lake division sent a rescue boat to save the woman and her dog. ''They couldn't get the boat to the house. They had to wade in water to get me and the dog,'' Taptto said. ''They even brought the stew. I worked all morning on that stew.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Sandpaper Store your sandpaper in a three ring binder. Just use some pocket folders to keep the sandpaper organized by different grits in the binder. Label the binding of the three ring binder "Sandpaper" so that it's easy to see when sitting on shelf. Old photo albums work great too!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Cat Quotes http://snipurl.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Separate Windows 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  May 24, 2007
======================================

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.
--- Bertha Calloway

=======================================

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting
anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having
their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out
and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better
go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another
one."

Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.
Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the
father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the
way, so call back later."

At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he
goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital
again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on
the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a
double scotch.

Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so
drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded
cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the
recording is still going strong:
"The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last
one was a duck."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Bob took his 4 year old  Josh, out to McDonald's for
dinner one evening for a "guy night".
As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked
"Daddy, what are these little things on the
hamburger buns?"
He responded that they were tiny seeds and
were ok to eat.
Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes
and obviously in deep thought.
Finally, Josh looked up and said,
"Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our
backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to
last forever."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey teen in Ocala, Florida Wrong place! May 8, 2007 - Ocala, Florida - AP An Ocala teen picked the wrong place to grow marijuana. Marion County deputies found nine potted marijuana plants on Southeast 66th Street, in Ocala. Ocala's deputy police chief, Greg Graham, owned the vacant property. Graham's neighbor followed a 17-year-old onto his lot, discovered the plants, and tipped off deputies. When deputies arrested the teen he admitted to smoking pot. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for sending this picture: =========================================== "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No" After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kathleen Re: Separate Window Dear Webby I saw one of the IT guys pop from a link on a page to a fresh window, without overwriting the one where the link was. I asked him how he did that and he managed o confuse not only me, but also himself. So, how is it done? Kathleen Dear Kathleen Just hold down SHIFT and click the link. If the link is just to a small pop-up, then hold down CTRL while you click the link. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping Tips Shop early in the morning to avoid long lines. You can find specials or day old breads first thing in the morning. Never shop when you are hungry, and always shop with a list so you remember what you really need.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child? ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Stitchers Haven http://www.egausa.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Taskbar Shuffling 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  May 23, 2007
======================================

If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt,
it means you never take any chances.
--- Julia Sorel

He that is of the opinion money will do everything
may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
--- Benjamin Franklin

=======================================

Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of
things I needed to do, including taking food out of the
freezer and  grocery shopping.

As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take
to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the
dashboard and went and picked her up.

As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item:
"Take out the Turkey."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand
and makes it sound confusing.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a peeping Tom in Baraboo, Wisconsin Dumb Tom April 6, 2007 - Baraboo Wisconsin - AP A peeping tom seen peering into a second-floor window of a man's apartment fled before the could catch him, but he left a key piece of evidence behind -- his ladder. Matt Edgerton, 24, said he and a date were at home March 24 when he noticed a shadow move across his bedroom window and went to investigate. When he pulled back the curtain, he was face-to-face with a middle-aged man peering in. "My nose was actually touching the window and it was like, boom! His face was right there,'' Edgerton said. "It was like a horror movie.'' Police Lt. Rob Sinden, who is heading the investigation, said: "The ladder is absolutely in our custody.'' Edgerton said the man seemed just as surprised as he when the curtain was pulled open and scrambled down the ladder. Edgerton ran outside, but the man was gone so he called police. "We have had similar instances in the past, but I cannot say we've ever had an individual use a ladder,'' police said. "That's an individual who is working very diligently at peeking.'' ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for sending this picture by her shy friend in That's not CPR! =========================================== An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples." "I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "From orange trees like this, I expect about 120 pounds of oranges". ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ginny Re: Move taskbar icons Dear Webby Is there a way to move the icons on the taskbar so that they are in the order that I use them? I can only re-arrange the icons in the little hot-bar section by the START, but the rest of the task bar, that has the buttons for programs that are running, there Windows won't let me move them. Thanks Ginny Dear Ginny Yes, there is a way, with the TaskBarShuffler. It is free. You can download it from Shuffler http://www.freewebs.com/nerdcave/taskbarshuffle.htm It's not a permanent patch for Windows, and if you want, you can turn it off after sorting your program buttons. They will stay sorted. It is quite civilized, and if you want, you can even tell it to give up it's own little button over by the clock. You can set it to start automatically when Windows starts. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 5, 2007 - Clearwater, Florida - AP A high school senior acknowledges he went too far when he mooned a teacher. But he thinks the decision of school officials to send him to a new school for the rest of the year was too harsh, so his family is suing. Tyler Tillung, 18, mooned a teacher "suddenly and without thinking about the consequences" in February, according to the lawsuit filed Tuesday. The teacher had declined to let him into a Feb. 21 school lip sync show that was full. He was suspended for six days and reassigned to a new school. But the teen wants to graduate with his Palm Harbor University High class in six weeks and complete his final season on the varsity baseball team, the lawsuit said. "We're talking about his graduation," said Tillung's lawyer, B. Edwin Johnson. "That's an important event in a guy's life. ... This kid deserves a break." School Board Attorney Jim Robinson said administrators stand by their decision. "Without knowing the allegations, we're confident in the administration's position on this case," Robinson said. Palm Harbor principal Herman "Doc" Allen described the mooning as "disgusting" and the teacher as "traumatized."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bathroom Maintenance A good way to keep your tub or shower clean is to wipe it down after you use it. You can do it with the towel you use to dry yourself. Teach your kids to do the same. Your tub will require cleaning much less frequently.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...... And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Aleutian Baskets http://www.aleutians.org/basketss.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: When will Vista be safe? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  May 22, 2007
======================================

It is never too late to give up our prejudices.
--- Henry David Thoreau

=======================================

At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior
Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments:
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,"
said one.

"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my
coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,"
said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced
an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a
short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully.
"Thank God we can all still drive."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his
sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for
advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe
decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take
kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who
wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to
wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the
Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there
a chance that I could take Joe's place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better
hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Legislators in Taiwan Politicians or TV-Wrestlers? May 8, 2007 - Taipei - Reuters Scores of Taiwan legislators sprayed water, threw stacks of paper and exchanged punches in parliament Tuesday due to disagreements over a bill, again delaying passage of the long-overdue 2007 annual budget. Lawmakers from the ruling Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) and the main opposition Nationalist Party, or the Kuomintang (KMT), climbed onto the parliament speaker's podium, wrestled and pulled at each other's clothes. At least one legislator fell from the table during the scuffle, which broke out over a proposal by the KMT to adjust the make-up of the Central Election Commission. DPP legislators complained that the KMT had introduced its election commission plan to derail passage of the annual budget. Scuffles often break out over bills in the self-ruled island's sharply divided parliament, where opposition parties hold a slim majority. Earlier this year, dozens of legislators threw shoes and pulled ties over a similar bill, and in the past they have also hurled lunchboxes and microphones at each other. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "If he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated a few times." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: When will Vista be safe? Dear Webby We usually replace the computers in the office every three years or so. I realize that we can't use Vista machines, because they can't cope with our printers and scanners and all sorts of software, but if we buy XP machines now, will they still be able to cope in three or four years? Rosie Dear Rosie Yes, sure they will! The machines are the same, exactly the same hardware, they just have different software on it. Right now we don't even know for sure if there will be an SP1 patch for Vista, or if Microsoft will be coming out with a new OS to compete with Linux. Vista has driven a lot of companies over to Linux and Open Office, and I am sure Microsoft has noticed that. However, IF they improve Vista enough, and IF the printer, scanner, camera, sound and accessory industry decide to write drivers for already sold machines, you can still put Vista onto the computers a few years from now. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Washington DC - AP The treatment options for patients with early Parkinson's expanded Wednesday with the approval of a new drug in patch form — a first for medicines to treat symptoms of the disease. The once-daily Neupro patch contains a drug called rotigotine, which has not been sold before in the United States, the Food and Drug Administration said. The drug patch, made by Schwarz Pharma AG, is the first for the treatment of symptoms of Parkinson Disease. Parkinson's disease results from the loss of dopamine- producing brain cells. Dopamine is crucial for the communication between cells that control muscle movement, which explains the trembling commonly seen in Parkinson's patients. Rotigotine works by activating dopamine receptors in the brain, mimicking the neurotransmitter's effect. An estimated 1 million people in the U.S. have Parkinson's, with an additional 60,000 cases diagnosed each year. Belgium's UCB bought Germany-based Schwarz Pharma last year.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Tools With Fishing Tackle Boxes Fishing tackle boxes work great for keeping small power tools and their accessories and bits organized. Whenever I see fishing tackle box at a garage sale or rummage sale, I grab it. You can uses stencils and spray paint to label the outside of the box.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, God made you," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a nearby mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God must have gotten the hang of it and is doing a lot better job lately." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Wood Chips or Charcoal on the Bar-b-q http://tinyurl.com/2sal9m
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: MS Office or Open Office 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  May 21, 2007
======================================

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not
know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt

=======================================

The lovers had decided that a mutual parting of the ways was
best for both of them.  However, on the way to the Airport a
rather heated debate started as to whose fault their break-up
was.

At the crowded gate, she turned and said, "Thanks for nothing
you cheap bastard."

As she went down the ramp with the other passengers, he
shouted back "Hey baby.  Don't be like that.  If you ever work
this town again, give me a call."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back
in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached
a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This
student got back his test and $64 change.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leo Lewis Jr in Sloatsburg, NY Lost his cool May 8, 2007 - Suffern, New York - AP A man who had been acquitted of charges he groped a woman fired a sawed-off rifle at her during a court hearing over attorney’s fees, authorities said. No one was injured but the shot narrowly missed the judge’s head. “I should have shot that b—- two years ago,” Leo Lewis Jr. said as he stood up and pulled the trigger on Monday night, according to a felony complaint issued Tuesday. The complaint also said Lewis confessed he had previously thought about killing the woman. Lewis had been acquitted of charges of forcibly touching the 49-year-old woman, and on Monday he was seeking attorney’s fees from her in small claims court, according to Louis Valvo, chief assistant district attorney for Rockland County. The hearing was being held in the small town of Sloatsburg, and the courtroom on the second floor of Village Hall has no metal detectors. The shot missed the woman and struck a window several feet above a judge’s head, police said. An officer who was in the courtroom for traffic court fired off a shot, then chased Lewis down and, with the help of a bystander, tackled him, authorities said. Bail was set at $500,000, and the woman and the Sloatsburg judge, Thomas Newman, were given orders of protection against Lewis. Lewis, his face bruised, was arraigned on second-degree attempted murder and weapon possession charges Tuesday. He pleaded not guilty. Sloatsburg Mayor Carl Wright told the Journal News that an effort to install security cameras and other safety measures was under way but the plan did not include a metal detector. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== A popular cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy Who Got My Cherry." "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for???" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helga Re: MS Office or Open Office Dear Webby What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office? I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend? Helga Dear Helga The biggest diffeernce that I can see is that you can install Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port. And it is free. With MS Office you would need to buy a $500 license for each machine, with the free Open Office you got everything, from settings and preferences to your documents, spreadsheets and pictures on your portable hard drive, and basically just "borrow" the keybaord and the printer and hardware of the computer that you plug it into. The included features are about the same, though Open Office seems to be improving faster than MS Office. Whichever one you learn, that's the one you will be good at, and that one will be your preferred choice. There is no single feature that I an think of that is available in only one of them, except maybe the ability to create PDF files. You can do that with Open Office, but if you have MS Office, you need to shell out another $450 to get Adobe Acrobat Professional to do the same. Microsoft was going to include it, but backed off at the last minute, when Adobe threatened to sue. Seems there was more copying than inspiration involved. Since you don't have either one yet, and would not have to un-learn and trade the peculiarities of one of them for those of the other, I would recommend Open Office. You can download it free at http://www.openoffice.org/ Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos NEW YORK (AFP) - Two Russian-born sisters are due to become assistant professors of finance in New York state later this year, even though they are only 19 and 21, university officials said Wednesday. Angela Kniazeva and her younger sister Diana were due to take up their new positions in September at the University of Rochester, where half of their students will likely be older than them. The pair, who already have masters degrees in international policy from Stanford University in California, were picking up their doctorates from New York University's Stern business school on Wednesday after five years of study. The talented twosome told the New York Post they did not consider themselves geniuses, despite their achievements. "I don't think this is the right word or right way of putting it," the newspaper quoted Angela as saying. "I think we've been given valuable opportunities, and we found ourselves in very fortunate circumstances." The duo were home-schooled by their parents and earned the equivalent of their US high-school diploma at the ages of 10 and 11 before graduating college in Russia at the ages of 13 and 14. They graduated from Stanford in 2002. The brainiac pair, who have already been teaching international financial management at New York University, seemed unfazed by their new positions.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Energy When Drying Clothes It's best to keep your dryer hot by running one load after another. It will help maintain your dryer's heat. It consumes the most energy while it is heating up. Clean the lint dryer between every use and don't over dry clothing.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been messing around for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth.....!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Corals in a tank http://tinyurl.com/2ffduh
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Taking a computer to Europe 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  May 20, 2007
======================================

 "Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts
and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results."
— James Allen

=======================================

        MOTHER'S DICTIONARY

Amnesia : A condition that enables a woman who has gone through
         labor to have sex again.

Bottle Feeding : An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

Defense : What you'd better have aroun de yard if you're going to
          let de children play outside.

Drooling : How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter : One who asks if the kids would care to order
             dessert.

Family Planning : The art of spacing your children the proper
                  distance apart to keep you on the edge of
                  financial disaster

Feedback : The inevitable result when the baby doesn't
           appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name : What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents : The people who think your children are wonderful
               even though they're sure you're not raising them
               right.

Grandparents II : The people about whom you are still attending
                  therapy sessions, but who you would gladly
                  send your children to for a month to take a
                  vacation.

Hearsay : What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable : A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent : How we want our children to be as long as they do
              everything we say.

Look Out! : What it's too late for your child to do by the time
            you scream it.

Prenatal : When your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared Childbirth : A contradiction in terms.

Puddle : A small body of water that draws other small bodies
         wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off : A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize : What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling
            it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom : The distance required between the supermarket aisles
            so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach
            anything.

Temper Tantrums : What you should keep to a minimum so as to not
                  upset the children.

Thunderstorm : A chance to see how many family members can fit
               into one bed.

Top Bunk : Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
           jammies.

Two-Minute Warning : When the baby's face turns red and she
                     begins to make those familiar grunting
                     noises.

Verbal : Able to whine in words.

Weaker Sex : The kind you have after the kids have worn you
             out.

Whodunit : None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops : An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a
         sponge."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy
to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when
you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his
mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your
father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work,
and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly
hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when
he sees the mail man at his front door. The boy greets him by
saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail,
opens his arms and says, "Then come give your Daddy a big hug."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a chicken farmer in Osnabrueck, Germany Scared eggless May 8, 2007 - Osnabrueck, Germany - Ananova A German farmer has gone to court after claiming a hot air balloon scared his chickens. Johann Stresen, 47, told a court in Osnabrueck that his 20,000 birds were so frightened they stopped laying eggs. He is claiming $35,600 in damages because the Dutch hot air balloon flew just 75ft over his farm instead of the 350ft required by law. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== An elderly woman went into the doctor`s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I`d like to have some birth-control pills." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you`re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "Simple, I put them in my granddaughter`s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== There are these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe Dear Webby I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy.. Get the local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Then look at the back of your computer for a tiny, red slide switch. Sometimes it is covered by tape to keep kids from playing with it. Use a pen or small screwdriver to slide that switch to the 220 setting. The same with the monitor, unless it already has a 100 - 240 Volt rating printed on the back. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 10, 2007 - Tyneside, UK - Daily Telegraph A Tyneside woman has saved the life of her boss by donating a kidney. Angela Dawson, 44, put herself forward after tests had ruled out Alma Caldwell's mother and sister. Mrs Caldwell was diagnosed with polycystic kidneys four years ago and put on dialysis, reports the Daily Telegraph. Doctors had warned her that there was only a 30% chance a non-relative would be a match. However, the transplant was successful. Mrs Caldwell, who is chief executive of North Tyneside Age Concern, is making an excellent recovery. "She has given me the gift of life. All I can say is she is Angela by name and Angel by nature," the 49-year-old from Whitley Bay said. Mrs Dawson, who lives with her husband Malcolm and daughter Amanda in Wallsend, is her second in command at Age Concern. "I've watched her go through so much over the 12 years I've known her and just wanted to be able to do something," she said. Mrs Caldwell, who has also survived a brain aneurysm, added: "Thanks to Angela I have a quality of life I could never have anticipated."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spices Cool Store your spices in a cool, dry space to keep them fresh. If they are too near to the stove, they will lose their flavor more quickly. Another way to keep spices fresh is to leave then whole and grind them as you need them.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room just to be sure she had tidied it up. "You call THAT a made bed?" I asked. "No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Old Pictures
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Laptop Travel Necessities 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  May 19, 2007
======================================

"Products are made in the factory,
but brands are created in the mind."
— Walter Landor

=======================================

Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation
drifts from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I
could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way,
'Take a clean dish and ...'"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it
up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking
his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he
likes his new work.
"Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is good
and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the
customer is always wrong."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stakely McConnell, 25, of Galveston, Texas Bad example May 10, 2007 - Galveston, Texas - AP A high school teacher faces marijuana possession charges after drug-sniffing dogs on a routine campus sweep led police to his classroom desk, authorities said. No drugs were found in the desk of Stakely McConnell, a Spanish teacher at Ball High School. Instead, the dogs smelled papers that had a marijuana odor transferred from McConnell's hands, school police chief LeeRoy Amador said. McConnell, 25, admitted to smoking marijuana over the weekend, Amador said. Authorities said they later found a half cigarette of marijuana in his car, but that there is no evidence or suspicion that students were involved in the alleged drug use. McConnell was placed on administrative leave after being arrested on campus Tuesday. Possession of marijuana carries a maximum sentence of one year in prison and a $4,000 fine. Because the alleged discovery happened in a drug-free zone, the district attorney can increase the charge to a state jail felony, which carries a maximum two-year sentence and $10,000 fine. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== Two sweet young things are driving through Louisiana. When they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to pronounce it." The manager leans over the counter and says, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Groan Alert! A priest is out golfing one day. He is halfway down the first fairway, waiting to hit his second shot, when he hears the familiar, "Fore!" Immediately, a ball slams into his back. The golfer who hit the ball rushes up to him and recognizes him. "Father, I'm terribly sorry. The ball just got away from me." "That's all right, my son," the priest says. "I'm not hurt." "Thank goodness, Father!" the man exclaims. The two shake hands and the man says, "You know, Father, I've been playing this game for 40 years, and now I can tell my friends that I've hit my first holy one!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: SueEllea Re: Coping with hotels Dear Webby In my new positon, I have to do a fair bit of traveling, and so far I don't like the computer part of it one bit. My daughter told me that you travel a lot and have written about that before. Well, you haven't, since I signed up. Hopefully the other subscribers won't be bored if you write an update on your travel tips. Thanks SueElla Dear SueElla The biggest nuisance with traveling is that most hotels use high tables and low chairs. Nobody knows why, but even hotels that claim to be business oriented and have office type swivel chairs, use ridiculously high tables. Most hotel tables come from China and just like un-hemmed bargain pants, the legs are too long and need to be trimmed to suit the actually needed length. Unfortunately, that is too challenging for hotel staff. I cope with that problem by carrying a 5/16" thick piece of plexiglass trimmed to precisely fit into the lid of my big wheeled carryon. Well, nowadays I can't take it on board a plane any more and I have to check it through, but that piece of plexiglass has travelled with me for about 10 years. When I get to a hotel, I jam it into a partly opened dresser or night table drawer, and set my laptop on that. Then the separate keyboard, that I also take along, is at the perfect height for maximum typing speed while sitting in a low hotel chair. Yes, I take a regular keyboard along, with proper numeric keypad. I also take along a mouse: Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer, wired. I am used to using the side buttons for copying and pasting. I also take along the following: Wireless DSL modem card 15 foot network cable 20 foot telephone cable Female-Female telephone cable connector Telephone line one-to-two splitter 20 foot light weight extension cord (Lamp Cord) Two 27 watt spiral lightbulbs Print-out of Earthlink access numbers for the areas that I travel to. Naturally, I try to go to hotels that have wireless high- speed connections, but sometimes the room is too far away from the transmitter or the max number of people are already logged on by the time I get set up. Then old fashioned dial-up is better than nothing. I have to say that Earthlink has never let me down, even overseas. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 12, 2007 - Hendersonville, North Carolina - AP After Eric Congdon opened a crate from China and discovered a cat inside, coming up with a name for the furry stowaway was easy. China the cat had chewed through one of the boxes before it left Shanghai on April 3 and spent at least 35 days on a ship inside the container filled with motorcycle gear. ''I saw something in the container move,'' Congdon said. ''I turned up the headlights on the fork lift to get a better look.'' That was when he saw the cat cowering in a corner, weak but still alive. Congdon, owner of Olympia Moto Sports in Hendersonville, said he and a co-worker called the county's animal services when the cat would not let them near. A co-worker of Congdon's plans to adopt China, as animal service workers are calling her, if she checks out with a veterinarian. North Carolina law says any animal coming into the country must be vaccinated and quarantined for six months.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Desk Make a great desk top out of an old smooth door (knobs removed). Use short filing cabinets or milk crates to support the door. This is a great way to recycle old doors you may have sitting in your garage. Some sanding and staining and then a few coats of marine spar varnish will make it look really great and totally impervious to ANY spills. The darker you stain the door, the easier it will be on your eyes. If the door is painted white, paint it brown or dark green. The slate green that you may remember from old school blackboards is the easiest on the eyes. Have FUN! DerWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever seen play." The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the question, "But how is he scholastically?" The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject. However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10-speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300." "Easy, Dad,..." the boy replied. "I earned it hiking." "Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth." "That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to go for a hike!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link:: Traveler's Aid http://www.travelersaid.org/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Program Launcher 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  May 18, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will
teach me anything. So if I'm going to learn,
I must do it by listening.
--- Larry King

=======================================

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went
to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her
along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I
didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish
away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas,"
Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time
he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas
present I ever got."

"That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know
how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom
gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the
day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to
play it at night.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Theresa M. Stanley-Morgan, 41 of Newport Richey, Florida Sleazy Crook May 7, 2007 - Newport Richey, Florida - AP Investigators said an 83-year-old woman was robbed of her credit card after another woman gave her crack to smoke. Pasco County sheriff's investigators are accusing accused 41-year-old Theresa M. Stanley-Morgan of getting the elderly woman to smoke crack so she could run up at least $3,200 in charges. The sheriff's office said Stanley-Morgan admitted to police that she used Shirley Hathaway's name, birth date and Social Security number to open a credit card account after having her smoke a lit crack pipe. She allegedly told police she knew Hathaway had dementia and memory loss and would not know about the credit card. Stanley-Morgan was being held at the Pasco County jail on charges of criminal use of personal identification, use of another person's ID without permission and retail theft. ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his friend Bill asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" Bill asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak...?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me....?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leonard Re: Vist Launcher Dear Webby We had Vista at work, for about a week, until they gave us two days off while all machines were formatted and had XP installed on them again. Luckily we had good back-ups, otherwise it would have taken weeks. The only part about Vista that seems to have been an improvement over XP and that actually worked, was the command line program launcher. You briefly mentioned an XP version of that a couple of months ago, but I can't find that Humor letter any more. Can you send that link again? Thanks Leonard Dear Leonard The XP version of that launcher is Launchy from Launchy.net It works great, and there are tons of different skins available, with new ones being added every day. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 9, 2007 - Portsmouth, Hampshire, UK - Ananova A Portsmouth pensioner is claiming a new record after living in the same house for 96 years. Alex Baker has stayed in the two-up, two-down terrace since he was born there in 1911. When he spent his first hours there, the Titanic had yet to sail and the First World War was still three years away. The house was bought for £130 is now worth £130,000 - but Alex laughed off the idea of ever cashing in. He told the Mirror: "This house has always been my home, so why would I ever want to leave?" Alex and his wife of 68 years, Edith, 89, raised three children at the house. Son Brian, a 66-year-old retired cabinetmaker, said: "The bathroom was a tin bath in the yard and we had gas lamps until I was seven or eight." Alex's uncle, Tom Searle, bought the house at the turn of the century, passing it on to Alex's mother, Alice. She and his father, Owen, had married in 1889. Owen died in 1929 and when Alice passed away in 1957, the house went to Alex and Edith.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 5empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hanging Tools If you enough wall space, hang shovels and other garden tools upside down on your walls. For smaller tools, you can get a peg board that you can mount on your wall and fit with a variety of pegs and hooks and store tools that you need to have handy. You can also get mop closet organizers that grip the handles properly with soft cushion grips. That way wet tools don't drool down the handle and leave a blister causing crust, and it helps to keep the lower end of the handle from drying out and getting sloppy. A tight fitting tool tires you out a lot less. A mop handle rack with six spring loaded cusion grips is usually around $4.95 and holds anything except heavy sledge hammers. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all honesty I cannot unfairly accept two bribes." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== WHITE MAN SHOT BY POLICE, CONFUSION REIGNS Police in Cincinnati, Ohio shot and killed a white man today, plunging the police department into chaos and confusion. Police officials reported, "We don't know what to do. There's no forms for this kind of thing. Normally we've got fifteen levels of review, but we don't know what to do now. Hell, the Justice Department hasn't even called to ream us out." Precinct commanders dispatched riot units, but not a single case of looting or property destruction was reported. One white man was given a ticket for spitting on the sidewalk and two other whites were detained for crossing against a red light. One police officer was quoted as saying, "It's damned scary how quiet it is. It's almost like everyone is going on with their business like normal. Freaky." The Mayor of Cincinnati's office was also embroiled in turmoil. "We're actively seeking someone with whom to engage a series of dialogues to, uhhh, do something about, umm, this." So far, no person or group has accepted the Mayor's offer to "enter into dialogue" about the shooting or its effect on the community. The Mayor's office did report they received three phone calls wondering when the Cincinnati Reds' first home game would be. ========================================
Thanks to Martin for today's Bonus Link:: Roadside America http://roadsideamerica.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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