Dear Webby: Burning movies to TV/DVDs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 30, 2008

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. --- Galileo Galilei
Thanks to Sandie for this Classic: When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day, a long memo came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it. But a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read, "You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."
Yesterday's butterfly was a Zebra Swallowtail Thanks to JoAnn for this picture of her Clematis:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to God Lucky Howard of Tampa, Florida Not living up to his name Police: 'God' sold cocaine near church TAMPA, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Tampa, Fla., arrested a man named God and charged him with selling cocaine near a church in his neighborhood. Investigators said undercover detectives arrested God Lucky Howard Saturday after an investigation that began in April, WFTS-TV, Tampa, reported. He was charged with delivering cocaine to locations including near a church, a school and public housing. Police said investigators found 22 grams of cocaine and a scale during a search of Howard's home. God Lucky Howard will be in jail for a while. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. 'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. 'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. 'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.' 'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When that taxi driver drove, everyone prayed, and meant it.'
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kate Re: Burning movies to TV/DVDs Dear Webby, Heres a question that is unanswerable..lol to me any way! Ive been googling and reading for a month now and cant seem to figure out how to burn movies I have downloaded from (a legal site) to be able to view on my dvd player that is hooked to my TV. It was stated that I could download and view them on my dvd/tv, but the files are .avi and have to be converted I have downloaded a ton of software and cant figure out what Im doing wrong. I convert, burn and they still wont play. I have nero 7 and others any advice would be so much appreciated! Dear Kate I don't have a TV or a DVD/TV, so I don't have any personal experienc with that, but I found this: http://www.allformp3.com/avi-to-dvd.htm and a step by step guide at http://www.allformp3.com/dvd-copy-softw ... to-dvd.htm Have FUN! Dear Webby

Margaret was royally peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favourite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!!!!" Screamed Margaret! "I ought to know: I've been taking it regularly for thirtyseven years!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Teaching a Child Their Left From Right An easy way to teach a child their left from right is to tell them to put both hands in front of them with their thumbs extended and other four fingers together. The hand that forms an "L" is their left hand. Works for adults too! Visit ThriftyFun For More Parenting Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_1180.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true", the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so." The doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS." (In case you are not familiar with Medicare, "No Refills" means that when the bottle runs out, you have to call the doctor for a new presciption, otherwise the payments for her or his BMW run out.)

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Origin of Species: Butterfly
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: How to upload files to the net 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 29, 2008

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. --- Lester B. Pearson Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan
A young mother, paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife, made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, by the sounds of it, he got into the poison samples. He'll be quiet soon."
Thanks to Sue for sending this picture: Can anyone identifly this 6" butterfly ? Sue
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to a 17-year-old from Columbia, South Carolina Suicidal Fence Jumping A 17-year-old park visitor was decapitated and killed Saturday by the Batman roller coaster at Six Flags Over Georgia, after he scaled two six foot fences. The incident, which happened at approximately 2 p.m., occurred when the teenager jumped over a fence labeled danger zone, said Hela Sheth, a spokeswoman for the park. “We do not know why this person was intent on gaining access to this restricted area,” Sheth said in a written statement. "Multiple signs clearly state ‘Do Not Enter’ and ‘Authorized Personnel Only’," said Sheth. Batman The Ride, known for its 360-degree twist, produces a feeling of weightlessness. The twisting roller coaster, which has ski-lift-like seats, zips along 2,693 feet of track at a top speed of 50 mph. The teen and his parents were at the park with a group from the Oakey Spring Baptist Church near Springfield, S.C., No guests on the ride were injured. Batman The Ride has been operating at the theme park since 1997. http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=5269544
My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. Remember, we went to the same school."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lill Re: How to upload files to the net Dear Webby, two questions: How do I send files to the net, if I get one of those $2.50 sites? And how do Ikeep the public from snooping in my private files that I back up onto the net? Tx Lill Dear Lill 1) When you get a web site, you will also get a user name and password and an FTP program. That looks like two file explorers side by side. The left side shows the files in your computer, the right side shows the files on the server. You simply drag them from one side to the other. 2) The public can only get to what you show in the menu. If you don't want them to see your top secret rhubarb recipes, then don't mention them in the menu. If they have paid you for the recipe, then you email them the link to the recipe. It is the same as when you buy an ebook. You KNOW they got it up there, but without the link from the "payment received" mail, there is no way to find it. This may sound a bit complicated or confusing, but with the site you get live coaching and help. We don't use auto-responders. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Bob was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted. Bob was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom. So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" "One night I hid a dozen eggs under bushes by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. He fixed his chicken coop with a new fence that day."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Fruit Salad from Browning Squeeze lemon juice on fruit salad and it will not brown quickly. Grapefruit or lime juice will work as well and may taste even better (depending on the type of salad you are making). Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_948.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Gardening Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fake Fotos collected by Urban Legends
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Can't write to removeable drives 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 28, 2008

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. --- H. L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949) The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. --- Oscar Wilde
When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become collectors' items. I went to the bank and picked up a hundred, serially numbered and still in their original band. On my next trip to my parents' house, I gave the $200 to my mother and said, "Take good care of these. They might be worth something someday." Several months later I asked Mom if she was keeping the two- dollar bills safe. "Oh, yes!" she replied. "I deposited them in the bank the day after you left."
Thanks to Sue for sending this picture: We have a family of foxes on our farm. Mrs fox doesn't tolerate Tess getting too close to her den, and chases her away, which Tess thinks is a good fun game. Tess instigates the chasing by tormenting Mrs Fox either by chasing her first or sitting too close for comfort to her den. I find them very entertaining. Sue
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Corsha Beasley, 21, in Austin, Texas Assaulting horse and cop Woman charged with hitting police horse AUSTIN, Texas (UPI) -- A Texas woman has been charged with assaulting a police officer and his horse during a scuffle outside an Austin bar. Corsha Beasley, 21, was being held in lieu of $30,000 bail, the Austin American-Statesman reported. Police responding to a 911 call were trying to break up a crowd outside the Bayou Lounge early Sunday. Beasley allegedly refused to move and instead took off a shoe and used it to hit Dusty, the police horse, near his left eye. When the officer tried to grab the shoe to keep Beasley from hitting the horse, she allegedly hit him in the face as well. Beasley faces a second-degree felony charge, interfering with a police service animal, and a third-degree felony, assault on a police officer. http://www.statesman.com/news/content/n ... html?imw=Y Copyright 2008 by United Press International
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied "From the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: Can't write to removable disks Dear Webby; I am having a problem with my removable drives. About 6 months my hard drive broke down. I took it to circuit city where they replaced the hard drive. Since then i can not record anything on any drives. The cd and dvd drive can read a disk, the floppy does not do any thing. I was told to fix this problem I would have to use my restore disks. i sure hate to do this because I would loose every thing that i have replaced. My main concern is pictures of my child, which i lost before. Is there anyway I can fix this problem???? You have been so helpful with computer problems. Brenda Dear Brenda Check the BIOS (F2 during boot-up) and see if the floppy drive is enabled. If you do have to restore the Operating System, upload the pictures and anything else, that is important, to the Internet. You can get a site like for example http://brenda.posty.net/ for $2.50 a month. No need to make a fancy web site, but you can, if you want to. You can just upload the stuff for remote storage, and later download it at any time. If you lose your house and computer in a flood or other disaster, remote storage like that is your only option for "digital survival". Your data is safe, thousands of miles away on a server, ready to download into a replacement machine. If digital survival is important to you, then $2.50 a month is a very cheap life jacket. Have FUN! Dear Webby

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving me in my Jeep."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Better Drainage in Your Plant Pots There are lot of items you can put in the bottom of your plant pot to help improve drainage: Broken dishes, walnut shells, broken clay pot shards, marbles or stones. To make your planter lighter, use foam packing peanuts. Visit ThriftyFun For More Gardening Tips By Clicking Here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Office Rules 1) If it rings, put it on hold. 2) If it clanks, call the repairman. 3) If it whistles, ignore it. 4) If it's a friend, take a break. 5) If it's the boss, look busy. 6) If it talks, take notes. 7) If it's handwritten, type it. 8) If it's typed, copy it. 9) If it's copied, file it. 10) If it's Friday, forget it!

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Spirit of Kentucky
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Getting pictures from the camera to the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 27, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. --- Thomas Alva Edison
On the last day of class, the professor wished the students luck as he wrote a phone number on the blackboard. "If any of you have difficulty understanding the review material, call this number," he said as he dismissed the class. On Saturday afternoon, stumped by one of the review problems, Don reached for the phone, dialed the number provided, and heard a recorded message from Dial-A-Prayer.
Thanks to Sandie for forwarding this picture by her daughter Kim Usually they bloom around Easter, ....
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jesus Albert Suarez Chavez,17, and 22-year-old Roman Orozco Martinez of Alton, Texas Do drop in! ALTON, Texas (AP) -- Authorities say an inmate trying to flee a Texas city jail crashed through the ceiling into a police chief's empty office. Police say 17-year-old Jesus Albert Suarez Chavez and 22-year-old Roman Orozco Martinez tried to escape through air conditioning ducts of the Alton city jail around 3 a.m. Saturday, but had been spotted by a dispatcher monitoring security video. One of the inmates fell through the ceiling into the office of Police Chief Baldemar Flores. The second inmate was trying to get into the vent. Flores said he didn't know which inmate fell through the ceiling, only that the vents were very small. Chavez and Martinez are charged with burglary of a vehicle, evading arrest, resisting arrest, assault on a public servant and making a terrorist threat. They are now being held in the Hidalgo County Jail.
Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing. The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again. Finally Sandra gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk the horn like a bleeping idiot for you."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: transferring pix from camera Dear Webby; It's me again with a different question. Currently I have a Kodak digital camera. I transfer the pics from the cameral to the Kodak gallery that I installed when I bought the camera. Is there a way to just transfer the pics from the camera to a folder in my documents Instead of going thru the Kodak gallery. I edit them in the Kodak program then save them to a folder in my documents to send out to friends or & put on disk. This would save time if I could go straight to a folder. Thanks again. Have a purrfect day Sharon Dear Sharon Nowadays laptops have a little slot on the side where you can insert the camera memory chip. For desktops you usually have to buy a $12 chip reader on a cord, that plugs into a USB port. That's so that you don't have to crawl under your desk to stick the chip into the computer. The chip reader, wether internal or external, acts like a hard drive. You can edit pictures right on the chip, rename them, copy or move them to the hard drive, even FTP them straight to the web. If your camera uses a 2 GB chip, it's like a 2 GB hard drive, whenever it is plugged in. I browse the pictures with PaintShopPro, weed them out and resize them right on the chip, then copy the results to the hard drive. There is no need for a camera maker's program, or the computer where that program sits. If you visit friends, just take the chip reader along, and you can work on the pictures with their computer. Have FUN! Dear Webby

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?" She replied. "Probably, that I married you for your money."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Shower Curtain Put your shower curtain in the washer along with a couple towels, then add 1/2 cup of each detergent and baking soda. Then add 1 cup white vinegar to the rinse cycle. Take the shower curtain out of the washer before the spin cycle and hang it to dry. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cleaning Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html If you don't think your curtain will fare well in the washing machine, you can spray it with a hand sprayer with a citrus cleaner or even Windex before a shower, and then rinse it with the hand wand or by pointing the shower head. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Ed for this story: My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswinds. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?" The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cute Overload
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: MSIE causing crashes ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 26, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. --- Sam Keen
Thanks to Bob for this story: Sue and I got to kicking around living wills the other day. She got me to sign one. You know what a living will is, don't you? It's a document that gives her the legal right, if I become wired up to some mechanical device, to terminated my life. So, yesterday, I'm on the exercise bike, heart rate and oxy sensors hooked up, headphones on, .. . . . Luckily she is a poor shot and got the TV instead of me.
Thanks to the many who wrote in the name of the bird in yesterday's picture. It is a Cedar Waxwing Thanks to Walter for this picture: 2" hole cored through the mouth for water flow. Keystone over a spa, water will then cascade down to the pool Walter
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Erin Howard, 26 of Butler County, Ohio Sent in by Deeli Fanatic Drunk HAMILTON, Ohio (UPI) -- Prosecutors in Pennsylvania say a woman accused of killing her son in a drunken crash went to a bar after being freed from jail to attend his funeral. Erie County District Attorney Brad Foulk said Erin Howard, who is accused of involuntary manslaughter in the death of her 6-year-old son, Samuel Carpenter, went straight from the Butler County, Ohio, church where Carpenter's funeral took place to a bar about a mile away. Howard, who allegedly admitted smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol while celebrating her 26th birthday before the fatal June 14 crash, was on a 24-hour release from the Erie County jail at the time. She was supposed to return to her cell by 3 p.m. Saturday, but was arrested about nine hours after the deadline at Tailgaters bar in Hamilton, Ohio. She has now been charged with a third-degree felony count of escape in addition to the involuntary manslaughter charge. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: HAC Re: MSIIE problems Dear Webby: Dumb question #32,448,376 -- what would happen if I were to remove Internet Explorer? I seem to encounter so many problems which cause me to shut down and then restart and they all have I.E. imbedded on the tool bar with little IE headings. Do have Mozilla Firefox installed but don't find it as easy to operate. Thanks for any advice you can give. Thanks, hac Dear Hac The IE icon on top is just a symbol that it is web stuff, and that IE is your default browser. If you change your default browser to Firefox, the blue e will change to the orange Firefox icon. It's the same with pictures too. If your default picture viewer and editor is PaintShopPro, then all JPG and GIF files in your file explorer will have a PSP icon. It doesn't change the files, just tells you what you got set as the default. Removing Internet Explorer is generally not a good idea. A lot of Windows things use parts of IE instead of re-inventing the wheel or duplicating stuff. If you get rid of it, you'll probably have to re-install it from the set-up CD. However, your problems are most likely caused by something else alltogether, and what you see is a result of the problem, not the cause. Have you recently installed RealPlayer or a RealPlayer substitute? Or utilities like Glary ? Or SP3 ? Some people, who installed those, wound up formatting the drive and re-installing XP from scratch. Have FUN! Dear Webby

LETTER TO THE DOCTOR Dear Sir, I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous, and after being married for 7 years and having 7 children I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless. After getting married I was advised to use the 'Rhythm Method'. Despite trying the Tango and the Samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha Cha. A doctor suggested using the 'Safe Period'. At the time we were living with in-laws and had to wait for 3 weeks for a safe period when the house was empty. Needless to say, this didn't work. A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love whilst breast feeding we would be alright. It's hardly Newcastle Brown Ale, but I did finish up with clear skin, silky hair and felt very healthy, and my wife was pregnant. Another old wives' tale we heard was that if my wife jumped up and down after intercourse this would prevent pregnancy. After constant breast feeding, including my earlier attempts, if my wife jumped up and down she would finish up with two black eyes and eventually knock herself unconscious. I asked a chemist about the 'Sheath'. The chemist demonstrated how easy it was to use, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't really surprise me as I fail to see how a Trojan stretched over the thumb, as the chemist showed, can prevent babies. She was supplied with the 'Coil' and after several unsuccessful attempts to fit it, we realized we had got a left hand thread and my wife is definitely a right hand screw. The 'Dutch Cap' came next; we were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all, but alas it did give my wife severe headaches. We were given the largest size available but it was still too tight across her forehead. Finally we tried the 'Pill.' At first it kept falling out, then we realized we were doing it wrong. My wife started putting it between her knees, thus preventing me getting anywhere near her; this did work for a while until the night she forgot the Pill. You must appreciate my problem. If this operation is unsuccessful, I will have to revert to oral sex, although just talking about it can never substitute for the real thing. Yours faithfully, John

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Sand Off Your Feet With the summer coming I thought this would be good to share, to remove any dry or wet sand, put baby powder on sandy feet or legs and wipe with towel. Your feet and legs will come clean and you'll smell nice and fresh. Visit ThriftyFun For Summer Fun Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . did he mention anything about including matches in the package?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Heifer in your tank
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Bad clusters on hard drive 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  June 25, 2008

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life. --- Sandra Carey
Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Little Johnny: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one. My mom fainted, dad got a heartattack, the mail man transferred to Alaska, and Father Hibbert next door shot himself.
Thanks to Doug for this picture: What species is this dapper little dude? Doug
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to neighbors and city administrato in Zagreb, Croatia Sent in by Walter Not very neighborly Woman sat dead in front of TV for 42 years. May 16 2008 By Donna Watson THE remains of a woman have been found sitting in front of her TV - 42 years after she was reported missing. Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, had apparently made herself a cup of tea before sitting in her favourite armchair in front of her black and white television. Croatian police said she was last seen by neighbours in 1966, when she would have been 42 years old. Her neighbours thought she had moved out of her flat in the capital, Zagreb. But she was found by police and bailiffs who had broken in to help the authorities establish who owned the flat. A police spokesman said: "So far, we have no idea how it is possible that someone officially reported missing so long ago, was not found before in the same apartment she used to live in." "When officers went there, they said it was like stepping into a place frozen in time. "The cup she had been drinking tea from was still on a table next to the chair she had been sitting in and the house was full of things no one had seen for decades. Nothing had been disturbed for decades, even though there were more than a few cobwebs in there." Neighbours were shocked by the discovery.
A young boy asks his Dad :'What is the difference between confident and confidential? Dad says: 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, but that is confidential, just between you and me.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dave Re: Bad clusters on hard drive Dear Webby; Quick question for you, on my hard drive chkdsk found and repaired bad clusters. Some people tell me it is fine and not to worry; others say get a new hard drive ASAP as it will forever have problems and will soon not be workable. What is your feeling. Dave Dear Dave Depending on the value of the data on the drive, and considering how cheap drives are these days, I would recommend getting a new drive if it finds additional bad clusters in a week or two. You can get a 500 GB Western Digital for $70 and up 500 GB drives at Pricegrabber When I consider that I paid $250 for my first 15 MB, yes MEGAbyte, not GIGAbyte! hard drive, then $70 for a 500,000 MB drive is almost unbelievable. Have FUN! Dear Webby

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when the wife is pregnant,... Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant. Panic is when both are pregnant.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Borrowing Money When borrowing a large amount of money for a house or a car, make sure you get a loan with no prepayment penalty. Then you should always pay more than the minimum payment. An additional $50 a month can shave years off a mortgage or car loan. Visit ThriftyFun For More Information on Loans By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_446.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The groom to be said to his fiancee, "Three-thousand eight-hundred dollars for a dress that's only going to be worn once?!" "Who says it's only going to be worn once?" "Oh? You're planning to get married again? You know you can't wear white the second time!" "No, but I do plan to have a daughter and she'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom." "I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress." "Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!" "Okay, then why don't you wear hers?" "Who wants to get married in that old thing?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fun Fotos
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Which printer to buy 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 24, 2008

Never have children, only grandchildren. --- Gore Vidal Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. --- Albert Einstein
From Linda: I am actually looking for a letter which was written around 1920's perhaps by an english lady regarding lodgings in Germany wherein the reply by the German facilitator is the funniest thing I have ever read... it is clean, but not only a play on words but a mistranslation regarding the WC - I came across the letter in the late 70's /early 80's, it really deserves to go round the world again Linda Dear Linda Thanks to Eudora I was able to search that far back, and found it. Have FUN! DearWebby In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 29 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all. With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster
Thanks to Sandie for forwarding this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hans Kristian Rausing, 45 in London, England Too famous to get far Soft-drink carton heir flees police LONDON (UPI) -- The heir to a Swedish container fortune left his London mansion through the window as officers broke down his bedroom door, police said. Officers had come to Hans Kristian Rausing's house in the Chelsea neighborhood to ask him and his wife about a car crash earlier Sunday evening, the Daily Mail reported. Witnesses had said an Audi Quattro registered to Rausing had hit another car and then disappeared. Rausing, 45, is one of three children of Hans Rausing, who built up a large fortune making Tetra Pak soft drink cartons. His wife Eva is a U.S. citizen and heir to a Pepsi fortune. The couple were already in legal trouble because guards at the U.S. embassy allegedly found heroin and crack cocaine on Eva Rausing when she went there to renew her passport. A search of their home allegedly disclosed still more drugs. A maid at the Rausing's house reportedly let police in Sunday. When the officers heard voices in the bedroom but no one responded to their knocks, they broke down the door and found Eva Rausing. Police expect to capture Hans Rausing shortly.
Thanks to Tina for this story: An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi 'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?' Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.' Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?' Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.' Kiwi: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (Pointing at the Villager) Dog: 'Yep' Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?' Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.' Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief) Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?' Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.' Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?' Horse: 'Cool' Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded) Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager) Horse: 'Yep' Ventriloquist: How does he treat you? Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the weather.' Kiwi: (total look of amazement) Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?' Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a ***** liar!'
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: What kind of printer Dear Webby; You've been so helpful to me in the past, I'd like to pick your brain again. I've saved my pennies and decided to get a Lenovo A61 with Windows XP and a 17" flat screen monitor. What would you reccomend for a printer for photos and docs. I don't need a fax. Also, since I'm a klutz, how do I transfer some things from my old machine to the new one? Is there a site with step by step instructions? Thank you. Your news letter and my first cup of coffee in the morning make my day. Dear Bev The type of printer depends on how much you print. If you print lots, get a Laser Printer. If you only print a bit now and then, get an inkjet. I use a $199 Dell color laser and am quite happy with it. For inkjets, here is a comparison of the best deals: http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,12636 ... ticle.html The easiest way to transfer the files is to network the machines. Then you just drag them from one to the other. Next easiest is to upload them to a site, and then download them to the other machine. Lastly there is the option to burn the files to a DVD or CD, and "sneaker-net" them over to the other machine. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Thanks to Deeli for this: Regarding the levees that Failed In IOWA ...... Why isn't the Federal Government relocating Iowa people to free hotels in Chicago ? Where are all of the Hollywood celebrities holding telethons asking for help in restoring Iowa and helping the folks affected by the floods ? Where is all the media asking the tough questions about why the federal government hasn't solved the problem ? And where are the FEMA trucks (and trailers) ? When will Spike Lee say that the Federal Government blew up the levees that failed in Des Moines ? Where are Sean Penn and the Dixie Chicks ? Where are all the looters stealing high-end tennis shoes and big screen television sets ? When will we hear Governor Chet Culver say that he wants to rebuild a "vanilla" Iowa , because that's the way God wants it ? Where is the hysterical 24/7 media coverage complete with reports of cannibalism ? Where are the people declaring that George Bush hates white, rural people ? How come in 2 weeks, you will not hear about the Iowa flooding until the next big flood ? Just wondering !!!!!!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com A Cool Treat for Dogs Put chicken or beef broth in ice cube trays and freeze it. Give them to your dog as a refreshing snack on a hot summer day. You can also add ice cubes to their water bowl to help them cool off. Visit ThriftyFun For More Pet Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Pets_1078.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep with daddy." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Free Grocery Coupons
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Cooking with cell phones 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 23, 2008

The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life." --- Henry Ford The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer. --- Victor Borge
Thanks to Tina for this story: My son was in the process of bineg potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. I asked, "Did you have an accident?". Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes,...? "Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage." Shocked, I responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage." My son replied happily, " But Mom, it's OK ! I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's garage!!"
Thanks to Tanya for this picture: Hi, Hal is a long time reader of your humour letter. He would absolutely LOVE it (he doesn't know I'm sending this to you) if he saw his peacock 'Diesel' in your letter I have attached a couple photos here. -Tanya-
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Sudy in in western Michigan Sent in by Ross Admirable loyalty and courage, but a boneheaded move. A gas station cashier in western Michigan says she thought she'd be able to stop a fuel thief by jumping in his car. Nope, he just kept driving. Twenty-one-year-old Jessica Sudy says she had already seen the same motorist leave the Spring Lake gas station twice without paying. On Wednesday she says she wrote down his license plate number, but then the man grabbed the paper from her and fled with more than $30 worth of gas. The 4-foot-9 cashier says thefts cut into her monthly bonus. So she hopped inside the car as the man drove off. She got out a block away. Police are seeking charges against a 22-year-old suspect tracked down through vehicle registration. And Sudy has gotten lectures from police, her manager and her mother. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/477720.html
A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Cellphone cooking Dear Webby; Here is one for you. Is this fake or real? http://www.koreus.com/video/telephone-p ... pcorn.html Mike Dear Mike The behavior of drivers with cell phones aside their heads would definitely prove that cell phones do something to their heads. However, to actually pop popcorn, you would probably have to slightly modify the phones by replacing the omnidirectional antenna with a directional one, and by shorting across the output limiter. I doubt very much that you can pop popcorn with unmodified cell phones. I don't use cell phones, so you will just have to try yourself. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Mary Sue passed away in the middle of the night, so her husband, Bubba, called 911. The operator answering the call said they would be sending someone over right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba answered, "At the end of Eucalyptus Lane." Then the operator asked, "Could you spell that for me?" There was a long pause, until Bubba finally said, "How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Yard Sales - Setting Up Your Merchandise Set up as many tables as you can and lay items out, grouping like items together. You can make your own tables by using saw horses as legs and old doors or large pieces of plywood as the table top. The best way to display clothing is to hang them. You can create a lot of hanging space by securing a rope between two trees. Visit ThriftyFun For Garage Sale Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Garage%20Sales_488.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Thanks to Arturas for today's Bonus Link: Art, not garbage
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Has Vista improved? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 22, 2008

If little else, the brain is an educational toy. --- Tom Robbins A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. --- G. K. Chesterton
When a man and woman meet for the first time, various things go through their heads... The woman might be thinking, "Gee, he's not bad looking, and those are nice shoes he's got, he must have a decent job. I love his smile, and he seems to actually be listening to what I say, although if this is going to go anywhere we'll have to do something about that beard." And of course the man's thinking, "Gee, I'm twelve inches away from her boobs."
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to S., 18 of QH, Califoria Too fast for town Friends and family are mourning the death of an 18-year-old QH resident who was killed late Wednesday evening when his 1998 Saturn sedan collided with a motor home. S., who had left his grandmother's house in QH to drive to the store, was traveling east about 9 p.m. on Columbia Way (Avenue M), approaching the intersection of 40th Street West, at sufficient speed to lose control of the vehicle, according to the California Highway Patrol. The vehicle veered into the westbound lane and crashed broadside into a 2006 RVISN motor home driven by Brian Glidden, 44, of Lancaster. Glidden suffered minor injuries, CHP officials said. S. hit the big motor home in the oncoming lane so hard, that the car flipped over.
Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the emcee that he desired a question on American History. The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The emcee stepped up to the mic. "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?" Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week. "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?" Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe. "I'll try the second part first." The emcee nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half." The audience silenced with gross anticipation...... "Bob, here is your question... And in what year did it happen??"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Has Vista gotten better? Dear Webby; Hello, as always ty for the humor letter I love it. I have a few questions. And always trust your advice. I bought my daughter a laptop, and the store I got it said that they have Windows vista, I have heard alot of bad and told the sales guy this,and said I rather have XP... he said it has gotten better and they have worked the bugs out. Well, before I get to far down the road having this I would like to know what you think of it. Tam Dear Tam He is lying. Vista is still as bad as it always was. They fixed some of the security holes, but Vista is still as klutzy and slow as it was when it came out. INSIST on XP, or go to a better shop. Have FUN! Dear Webby

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the plane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas barbecues?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Let High Fuel Costs Drive You Nuts Avoid aggressive driving and observe the speed limit. Lighten your load by clearing your car of extra weight, and remove roof racks or carriers if not used frequently. Keep current with car maintenance. clean air filters, properly inflated and aligned tires and the correct grade of oil can all increase mileage. Visit this site for more Fuel Economy Tips Post local gas prices at Gas Buddy http://gasbuddy.com/ A gas war between staions is the only way to drive prices down. Tell others about GasBuddy, but preferably not in chain letters. Chain letters only destroy your credibility. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead ?" "Neither. Her father is bald."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Crazy Birds of new Guinea
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Free PowerPoint Viewer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 21, 2008

I opened Pandora's box, let the cat out of the bag and put the ball in their court." --- Hon. J. Hacker When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway. --- Clyde B. Aster
Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Abner came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. When Uncle Abner came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why... The same thing you're doing," replied Uncle Abner. "Ma's gonna be mad," said Little Johnny. "Why will she be mad?" asked Uncle Abner. "Because the bed pan's on this side!" responded Little Johnny.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Blood Lily
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Vladivostok, Russia Sent in by Arturas from http://zverte.com/, the place to go to for translations from and to Lithuanian Drunk driver takes traffic cop for a ride Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:25pm EDT VLADIVOSTOK, Russia (Reuters) - A Russian drunk driver knocked over a traffic policeman then drove for about 1 km (0.6 miles) with the officer clinging to the roof of his car, local police said on Friday. The motorist only came to a halt after the policeman on the roof fired eight rounds from his pistol into the car, police in the Khabarovsk region, on Russia's Pacific coast, said in a statement. The driver was unhurt and is in jail awaiting charges, while the traffic policemen only sustained a graze to his right arm, the statement said. http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEno ... ddlyenough
Thanks to Connie for these: Subject: Marriage Quips Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? A: Not if you are the groom. Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. Q: How is marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose: A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie? Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex? A: Call her/him on the telephone.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Powerpoint viewer Dear Webby; I downloaded Powerpoint Viewer, MS Office 2003, from the site you suggested I have since received an attachment of a power point program and when I Tried to view it, the little install box appeared and the a box came up for MS Office 2003 and ask me for A product code. Since I did not have a product code from a CD, I was left in the dark. Is there anything I can do to view a powerpoint program without having this code? Thanks so much for your help, H. Roberts Dear Hank Personally, I use Open Office, but if you want the Microsoft PowerPoint viewer, you can download it free from microsoft_com http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/deta ... laylang=en Have FUN! Dear Webby

Consider the poor fellow who showed up at work one morning sleepless and haggard. "What happened to you?" the fellow at the next desk asked. "I was up nearly all night," the man said. "My wife and I had a terrible argument. She became historical." "You mean hysterical," the co-worker replied. "No. Historical," the man said. "She went over absolutely everything I've done wrong over the last 25 years."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Lug Nuts Carry a cross shaft lug wrench in your car to use when you get a flat, for greater leverage than the single shaft wrenches that come with most new cars. You can also carry a metal pipe to fit over one of the shafts for even better leverage. Use short, sharp impacts rather than applying constant pressure to loosen a stubborn nut. Visit ThriftyFun For Automotive Helpful Hints By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cars_Helpful% ... 6_138.html Especially when using a snipe (extension) for extra leverage, remember to turn the nut COUNTER-clockwise to losen it. It is amazing how many people reverse the direction when they use a snipe, and it could happen to you too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man driving home was slightly exceeding the speed limit when he noticed a traffic cop close behind, lights flashing. The driver jams down the accelerator, reaching 100 miles an hour, but can't out-run the cop. He pulls over and awaits his fate. The police officer is angry, but not excessively, so he tells the speeder: "Listen, I've had a real bad day and I just want to go home without any hassle. So give me a damn good excuse as to why I shouldn't take you in and I'll let you go." The driver is quick to respond: "Well, my wife ran off with a cop a few weeks ago, and when I saw your car behind me I thought you were trying to bring her back!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Test-Freaks.com
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Where to report scams 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 20, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red,
to show your support for the troops!

Happy Summer solstice! Longest day of the year. How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. --- Marcus Aurelius
Thanks to Sandie for this story: An interviewer says, "Tell me your choice. I can either ask you ten easy questions or one very difficult question. Think hard before you make up your mind." "Ummm, I'd like one very difficult question." "You have made your own choice. Good luck to you. Tell me which comes first: day or night?" "The day, sir." "And how did you reach that conclusion?" "Sorry, sir. I agreed to answer only one difficult question."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the calorie-phobia freaks in New York As if that will make any difference! June 2, 2008 - New York - UPI Health inspectors in New York have found many fast food restaurants are ignoring the city's new requirement to post the calorie count for menu items. Records shows that 81 chains ranging from Dunkin' Donuts to McDonald's have been cited for failing to comply with the rule that took effect May 5, The New York Post reported Monday. A spokesman for the health department says the city is issuing citations for non-compliance but will not impose fines until July 18. "We see this as an education period," says Jessica Leighton, deputy health commissioner. Chuck Hunt, the president of the New York City Restaurant Association, says many establishments are providing calorie information to customers but not in the manner required by the law. One example is Pinkberry on Third Avenue that has calories posted for its frozen yogurt but was cited for not listing the calorie count for various toppings, the report said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/story ... scape.html
When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-honored fashion. "You're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that mushy BS!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Angel Re: Who to report scams to Dear Webby, I have been receiving several emails from overseas and also even from the "FBI" asking for funds and various other cons. I know that you answered someone regarding where to send these as my sister told me you did, but unfortunetly I missed it. Could you please send me the link so that I can forward these and report them? Thank you so very much, Angel Dear Angel Just dump them. Those crooks are way too advanced for your cops to catch them. They catch a token two a year, and watch the other 5 Million whiz by. There are no vacancies in the jails anyway. If something looks suspicious, just dump it. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Keli and Wendy were best of friends and tried to do everything together. Keli announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Good," Wendy exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great," Keli replied. "Let's go to Burger King!"
The department store salesman had almost completed his pitch to the woman to convince her to buy one of those miniature washing machines. She paused and considered it, while watching it in action. Finally, she said, "Sir. I want my clothes agitated -- not just irked."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pay as You Go Cellphone Plans You can buy a reloadable cellphone for $30.00 to $60.00 with a small amount of minutes. When those run out, you buy a card to reload the phone with more. Minutes do expire with a pay as you go plan, but usually, once you spend $100 on minutes, they will not expire for a full year. Visit ThriftyFun For More Financial Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_476.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors and Bud?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: American Film Institute Top 10
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Free word processor and spreadsheet 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 19, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red,
to show your support for the troops!

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Sandie for this story about her neighbor's last day: : This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his wife was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself." So, he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak with potatoes, garlic bread and a tall glass of iced tea. His wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up a nd asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So, where's mine?" "Huh? I thought you were out of town."
Thanks to Michael for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Philippe Pinel Institute in Montreal, Quebec Murderer set free June 16, 2008 - Montreal, Canada - CBC News Quebec provincial police were looking Friday for a convicted murderer who escaped from the province's main psychiatric hospital, the Philippe Pinel Institute in Montreal. Krysztof Masiak, 48, was found guilty but not criminally responsible for killing his nine-year-old daughter, Natalie, in 2001. She was found hacked to death in Masiak's apartment, where she had gone after a court granted him the right to see his daughter. Her mother had full custody of the child. Masiak was diagnosed as a paranoid-schizophrenic and admitted to the Pinel Institute in 2002. He was out on day pass Thursday but did not return to the hospital at the end of the day. The institute's director, Dr. Jocelyn Aubut, defended the decision to allow Masiak to leave. "Every patient has to go before a tribunal before we give them day passes." Police say Masiak has dirty blond hair in a brush cut, and was last seen wearing green military pants, a blue sweater and black boots. He was carrying a backpack. http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/story ... scape.html
A Michigan newspaper reported that a generous gentleman had donated a new loud-speaker to his church in fond memory of his wife.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: JR Re: Spreadheet and word processor Dear Webby, Do you have a free spreadsheet and word processor compatable with MS-Office Word, Excel, Powerpoint. jr Dear JR Yes, Open Office. http://download.openoffice.org That is what industry and commerce have switched to. It is free, uses the Open Standard that does not care if you use Windows, Mac, Linux or Unix. The programs in Open Office are similar to MS Office, but without the bugs and the high price. Open Office is free. If you lose that link, it has been in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools for a long time already. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!"
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a wildebeast and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildebeast stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The lion feels like he had been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till he looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt for BBQ Flare Ups Keep some salt handy when grilling. When you get flare ups from fat or juices dripping in the grill, just toss some salt on the flames and they will die down. Always have a fire extinguisher or hose handy, just in case. Visit ThriftyFun For BBQ and Grilling Tips By Clicking Here A bit of patience does the same trick. Those drippings just flare and are gone in a few seconds. However, if you are making French Fries on the BBQ, and the oil catches on fire, do not throw salt and especially not water at it. Napalm is much safer than a grease or oil fire with water thrown into it. A two gallon pot of burning grease can make a fire and mushroom cloud, that can be seen from space, if you throw a cup of water into it. Always have a lid or cover handy. Just put a cover on it, then calmly, and with no need to hurry, turn the burners off or move the pan or pot away from the hot area or. A frying pan, even a piece of plywood or gyprock, any cover will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a long evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the Captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to a seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also crapped in your pants."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: HDR pictures
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, how do I use my potos for the screen saver ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  June 18, 2008

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause. --- P. J. O'Rourke
Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake? One said to the other, "Run! Before they say we did it!"
Thanks to Ann for this picture: Dear Webby, Thanks for the compliment. It's a Zygo-cactus. It's really a common cactus here in Australia but mainly in pots. I love the colour of it. Thanks , Ann.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Alistair Wallace, 53, of Chester-le-Street, England Walking Sick June 16, 2008 - Chester-le-Street, UK - Sunderland, Echo A benefit cheat who claimed he could not go outdoors alone because of his medical condition was conducting guided walks in the Lake District, a court heard. Appearing before Peterlee Magistrates' Court, Eric Alistair Wallace pleaded guilty to the charge of failing to notify the Department of Work and Pensions about an improvement in his condition which affected his entitlement to disability living allowance. This resulted in an overpayment of benefits of £8,804.75. The court heard that Wallace, 53, was receiving disability living allowance between August 1995 and December 2006 on the basis that he needed supervision both indoors while cooking and outdoors because frequent epileptic seizures. But officials found that his condition had improved from December 2003 to December 2006, after they found posts on the website of Berghaus Ltd which boasted of his outdoor adventures. The court heard the website included posts detailing trips in 2004 and 2005 where Wallace was guiding groups of walkers on a climbing and hiking trip from Windermere to Kielder, a 10-hour relay race around Ben Nevis, and a trip from Whitehaven to Sunderland. The court heard that his walks and routes were even published in book form. Wallace, of Waldridge Road, Chester-le-Street, was sentenced to a 12-month community order with a requirement of 150 hours' unpaid work. He was ordered to pay legal costs of £150. He will have to pay back the £8,804.75 in overpayments through the DWP. http://www.sunderlandecho.com/news/Bene ... 4106872.jp Hmmmm, I have been told occasionally, that I shouldn't be cooking without competent supervision.....
Now, what are you planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked the patient. "I just can't seem to lose the weight," the patient said. "Must be an overactive thyroid." The doctor said, "The tests show your thyroid is perfectly normal. If anything is overactive, it's your fork."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeanne Re: Photo Screensaver Good Morning Webby, How can I use photos on my desktop as screensaver? I had them to background that fine however they won't go to screensaver. I am still using XP pro. Thanks Muchly, Jeanne Dear Jeanne Put the pictures into MyPictures Then Right-Click on the desktop Properties Screensaver My Pictures Slideshow Set the wait time If you click on settings, you can choose a different folder as the source of the pictures. That way you can have one folder with motivational pictures, one with humorous pictures, one that is child safe, etc. and switch with a few mouse clicks. Have FUN! Dear Webby

The local priest came across the town drunk, who had stumbled out of a tavern. The priest said to the drunk, "I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred the drunk. "What have you done now?"

Deeli's Kudos Deeli has asked to retire, so it is only fitting, that the last kudo go to her. Thanks Deeli!

A minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquisition or an invitation."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shoe Boxes for Building Kids Blocks Use safe shoe boxes and other similar size boxes to make large building blocks for your kids. Tape the lid of the box on and then cover them with contact paper. You can even find contact paper with a brick or wood pattern on it. Visit ThriftyFun For Summer Fun Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: SCHMAPs
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Yahoo Mail Problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 17, 2008

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. --- Mark Twain Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. --- Barry Switzer
Thanks to Jai for this story: The Fire Dog A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
Thanks to Dad for this picture: This one bloomed on fathers day for the last twenty years. It is now over a Meter tall.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to June 16, @008 - Bromley, UK - Daily Mail This is the moment when a mugger provided police with an unmistakable clue to his identity - by admiring his reflection in the lens of a CCTV camera. The image shows the thief moments after he had stolen a £200 silver necklace and bracelet from a 16-year-old boy. Rather than escape, he decided to try on the jewellery, apparently unaware - or unconcerned - that he was being filmed by the camera he was gazing into. 'Not the brightest spark': How police described this thief trying on the stolen necklace in front of a camera The resulting image shows his face clearly. The robbery happened on a tram in Bromley. The mugger demanded that the boy show him a bracelet he was wearing, then grabbed it before asking to see the necklace, which he also snatched. After putting on the jewellery, the robber took at least 15 seconds to admire his reflection. When he made to get off the tram his victim asked for his jewellery back but the youth claimed he had a knife and would stab him. Police said the boy is very upset as the necklace was given to him by his late mother and so has huge sentimental value. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... -lens.html
A man was in the habit of carrying an umbrella wherever he went. Unfortunately, he broke his last good one. Looking at the six useless umbrellas in his umbrella stand, he decided to take them all in and have them repaired. On the bus on the way home, he picked up the umbrella that belonged to the woman sitting next to him, purely out of habit. She immediately cried, "Stop, thief!" and he surrendered the umbrella. Very embarrassed, he quickly got off the bus. The next week he picked up his repaired umbrellas. When he got on the bus with the six umbrellas under his arm, he just so happened to sit next to the very same woman. She gave him an icy stare and said, "Had a good day, huh?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Yahoo Mail Problems Hi All of a sudden your daily humor@webby.com is having a problem in my yahoo.com mail inbox. When I open your email, I get all the borders and formated space but none of the text. Now that I am doing a reply to you, the entire text is present. whats happening I love your daily humor, keep it up. John Kutz Dear John With Yahoo you are lucky to get your subscription at all. Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can do about their screwey email program, other than suggest that you graduate from Yahoo mail. If you want a referral to gmail, let me know and I'll generate one instantly. Have FUN! Dear Webby

One day, Gramma sent her grandson, Little Johnny, down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran all the way back to Gramma's house and into the kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. A frightened Little Johnny stammered, "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma. There's a BIG old alligator down there!" Gramma said, "Now, don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him." "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Deeli's Kudos June 16, 2008 - Arhus, Denmark - UPI A group of Arhus, Denmark, journalism students said their Facebook accounts were deleted after they posted pictures of themselves eating a cat. The Danish School of Journalism students said their accounts were closed by administrators of the popular social networking Web site after they uploaded the photos, The Copenhagen Post reported Wednesday. The students said the cat cooked and eaten as a means of drawing attention to the plight of pigs, cows and other animals used primarily for food. "We wanted people to think about what it was they were putting in their mouths," said Laura Boge Mortensen, one of the students involved. "It's hypocritical for us to spend thousands of kroner on our pets, yet buy the cheapest pork from Netto that comes from pigs that have lived a horrid life. And just why is it that it's worse to eat a cat than a pig?" The students said the cat was killed humanely and prepared by a professional chef. "We had to count to three before we sat down to eat, and I wouldn't really say that we stuffed our face," Mortensen said. "Everyone did take a bite though." Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Bread Heels A lot of people don't like using bread heels for toast or sandwiches, here are other uses for them. Cut them up and freeze them until you have enough to make stuffing or bread pudding. Use them to make bread crumbs, grind them up in a food processor and store them in the freezer. Visit ThriftyFun For Helpful Food Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_948.html Cut the heels into crouton size pieces and dry them well, especially if you freeze them. However, in crouton size, you can keep them in a gallon jar on the counter and use them as croutons or crush a handful for bread crumbs as needed. For gourmet (coarse) crumbs you can use an old-fasioned hand crank meat grinder, or put the croutons into a pyrex 1 quart measuring cup and stomp them with a bottle. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lady said to her friend, "My birthday is coming up and when people ask me what I want, I can't think anything." Her friend said, "I love giving homemade gifts. Which one of my children would you like?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Feline Fotos
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
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Dear Webby: Free 411 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 16, 2008

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov
There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough - the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Her neighbor's African Turtle escaped, but got lured into captivity again with some veggie treats.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Perteet of Atlanta, georgia The Great Pretender, jailed June 12, 2008 - Atlanta, Georgia - UPI Public records indicate that an alleged phony doctor arrested in Atlanta allegedly also impersonated a high-tech computer genius while living in Chicago. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution said Wednesday that Eric Perteet moved to Georgia with a felony conviction instead of a medical license after his claims to be a high-tech wheeler-dealer fell apart. "The only truthful thing I knew about him is his name," ex-wife Joy Richardson told the newspaper. Richardson said her husband's tales of huge pending deals with Fortune 500 companies evaporated after they were married. At one point, after they had split up, Perteet's employer called to check on the couple's son because Perteet had claimed the boy had died and had begun soliciting donations. Current wife Tammi Perteet told the Journal-Constitution that her husband told her he had moved to Atlanta after his parents and two sons were killed in an Arizona car wreck. Perteet's alleged life of illusions derailed last month when he was arrested on identity theft and drug possession charges while allegedly lurking around a hospital wearing surgical scrubs and flirting with women. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-361654-340060
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monk Re: Free 411 Dear Mr. Webby, Sorry for bothering you Dude but I seem unable to find he issue that has 2 or 3 different numbers for Information other than 411, one can use on the cell phone. Sorry it's been a long time since I have even been here on this computer. Now all I have to do is play catch up. That's a lot of reading & voting that's gotta be done for sure Sir. Well until next time, Always remember to "Cherish each precious day & Embrace its wonders." monk Dear Monk When you need to use the 411 / information option, simply dial 1-800-FREE-411 or 1-800-373-3411 without incurring a charge. Let me know if it works in your area. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Thanks to Vlad for this story: I've heard some recent rumblings about fish actually feeling pain, contrary to what fishermen have been saying for hundreds of years. PETA, of course, is calling for all fishermen to "lay down their reels." But let me tell you about a new breed of fish the Department of the Interior was trying to create. They started by crossing the Koho Salmon with a Walleye Pike and called the new fish a Ko-Wal. The results were perfect. The fish tasted great, reproduced well and was just what they wanted but only one thing. No one would go fishing for it because it wouldn't fight. It wasn't any fun so it was back to the drawing board. Then they found the answer. They crossed the Ko-Wal with the Musky, the greatest fighting game fish ever. Now they had a fish that tasted great and fought like hell. Only problem was, when they named it Kowalsky, it drowned

Deeli's Kudos Correction on yesterday's Kudo links: http://onegirloneride.com/ http://www.millelacscountytimes.com/ May 21, 2008 - Othello, Washington - AP Like Michelle and Erica Wheeler, lots of twins have a special closeness, sharing likes and dislikes, good times and tough going. The Wheelers also have something else in common, graduating from the 850-student high school in this Eastern Washington town as valedictorians — the only ones this year with perfect grade point averages. ''We're attached at the hip,'' Michelle joked. ''It's easy to confide in each other,'' Erica said. ''We can help each other through difficulties.'' Both took advance placement classes, including English, science and calculus, ''the toughest courses we offer at the high school,'' school counselor Norma Gonzalez said. They're also active in Future Farmers of America, play on the softball team — Michelle as pitcher and Erica as catcher — and lead the Leo Club, a teen auxiliary of the Lions Club, with Michelle as president and Erica vice president. ''You would love to have a classroom of them,'' math teacher Laurie Stickel said. ''They're good, wholesome kids.'' Both plan to enroll at Washington State University in Pullman, study pharmacy and live in the same dormitory, but Michelle said they expect to be less involved in each other's lives. ''Things will probably be different over there,'' she said. http://www.happynews.com/news/5202008/t ... ington.htm

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Firewood Now, Don't Wait for Winter You can save money on firewood by getting it in early summer and late spring. For starters, you pay a premium the closer you get to cold weather. And, you don't have to limit yourself to buying firewood that is completely dry, it will cure over the summer months and be ready to burn when you need it. Visit ThriftyFun For More Flreplace and Stove Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Petals
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: More about Pop Up Blockers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day!

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. --- Arthur Schopenhauer
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."
Thanks to Cookie for forwarding this picture: Orchard, Iowa, Tuesday, June 10, 2008 at 9:04 p.m. Lori Mehmen of Orchard, took the photo from outside her front door. Lori said the funnel cloud came near the ground and then went back up into the clouds. Besides tree and crop damage, no human injuries were reported
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to June 12, 2008 - Scottsdale, Arizona - UPI Taser International Inc. has been ordered to pay more than $6.2 million to the family of a California man who died after being stunned. The verdict by a jury in federal court in the Northern District of California was the Arizona company's first legal loss over its stun guns, The Arizona Republic reported. The company has settled some suits, while others were dismissed or decided in Taser's favor. The jury decided Friday that Robert Heston of Salinas was 85 percent responsible for his death during a confrontation with police in 2005. But jurors decided on just over $1 million in compensatory damages and $5.2 million in punitive damages. With dangerously high levels of methamphetamine coursing through his veins, Robert Heston Jr. was so agitated and paranoid that he was apparently convinced someone or something was in the attic of his father's Rodeo Avenue home one day in February 2005. Heston was so confused that he allegedly went on a rampage through the house, busting up furniture and breaking a window. He even attacked his own father. So when Salinas police were called to the house, and initial attempts to restrain Heston failed, several officers resorted to repeatedly using their Tasers on the well-built former high school football star even after he had been knocked off his feet and was lying face-down on the floor. Heston eventually lost consciousness and died the next day, apparently from a combination of methamphetamine intoxication, an enlarged heart due to long-term drug abuse and the Taser shocks. Steve Tuttle, a company spokesman, said the jury verdict will of course be appealed. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-361227-741097
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Various subscribers Re: Pop Up Blocker Holding down CTRL when clicking a link will disable the PopUp blocker for that link. Personally, I simply refuse to go to sites that try to slap me with an unwanted PopUp as I enter. Legitimate PopUps like calculators or Look-Ups or downloads still work anyway, and at worst ask for permission at the top. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Thanks to Lynn for this story: Dear Webby, love your humor letter! This really happened to me at the hardware store today: My husband told me to meet him at the hardware store. While wandering through the aisles looking for him, one of the nice young ladies who worked there asked me if she could help me find something. I replied, "Oh, I'm just looking for my husband." She grinned and replied, "Afraid I can't help you with that; we used to carry husbands, but not any more; we kept getting too many returns." Lynn

Deeli's Kudos Thanks to Chris for today's Kudos June 14, 2008 - Minnesota - Scountytimes Twelve-year- old Éleese Madgett-Manrique is spending her summer raising money for military personnel and their families for "The Ranch Minnesota" a working ranch where military will be able to rest and relax for free. The 12-year-old will ride 860 miles in 86 days. She made a stop in Bock and Milaca on Thursday, June 12 where she was welcomed and supported by many in the community. Please visit this young ladies website: http://onegirloneri de.com/ http://www.millelac scountytimes. com/

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flashlights that Don't Require Batteries Keep a flashlight in your house that doesn't require batteries. You can buy flashlights that can be charged by winding them up or shaking them. If you run out of batteries, you won't be left in the dark if there is a power outage. Visit ThriftyFun For Emergency Preparation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Emergency_1945.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Keep in mind that today's crank and shaker lights are very cheap. Most produce about half the light of a cigarette lighter flame, or even less. It is a good idea to practise with them and use them to find and light your storm candles or oil lamps. If you don't have any storm candles and holders, just get a bag of tea lights, the candles in a muffin size aluminum foil pot, used by restaurants to keep food hot. A bag of 30 is usually $2 -$3. If you set a few of them into a pyrex pot with a bit of water in the bottom, you will have enough light to do most chores quite comfortably. Keep in mind that kids love those shaker and crank lights, and they will be where you can't find them, when you need them. Just like with emergency lighters, you can attach them above door frame trim with removable picture hanging strips or a small piece of double-sided tape. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Don for this one: I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars and running moonshine." They have never called back.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Live Science
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Pop Up Blocker 




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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 14, 2008

The only journey is the journey within. --- Rainer Maria Rilke There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience. --- Anatole Broyard
Thanks to Kitty for this story: In high school I was always self-conscious about my height. Once, a lifeguard asked me out. I had never stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my dates, and run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes to wear. When heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go bare-foot."
Thanks to Sandie for forwarding this picture she got from a friend in Iowa: New born fawn born today in our yard. Poor baby..... So beautiful... Mom will be back tonight I am certain.... Eileen
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jean Carlos Vargas, 25, of Margate, Florida Bonehead wants to go to jail June 13, 2008 - Coral Springs, Florida - UPI A Florida man has been charged with threatening on his MySpace page to carry out a shooting spree against the Coral Springs Police Department. Jean Carlos Vargas, 25, of Margate was arrested Wednesday, the Miami Herald reported. Coral Springs police said they got a tip that morning about his MySpace page. Sgt. Joe McHugh said when investigators looked at the page they found written threats and a photograph of Vargas holding a gun pointed straight ahead. ''It actually said that he was going to go on a shooting spree at CSPD,'' McHugh said. When Vargas was arrested, he told officers he had done something "really stupid," McHugh said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Excerpts from Letters Sent to Landlords 1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. 2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. 3. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand? 4. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall. 5. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 6. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. 7. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant. 8. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it. 9. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink. 10. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Pop Up Blocker Dear Webby, Thanks so much for the fun letter today. It's such a nice way to start the day. Tell Dani, I don't envy her weather pic. I may have to turn on the central air but at least when I go outside I don't have to dig my way out. Her Montana pic today looked mighty cold. I thought most of were thru w/ the white stuff for a while. Thanks to for the tip on keeping windwos open full size. I too like some windows open all the way. I have shrunk some windows to be able to open more than one but my mail window I do like open. I was told sometime a while back that there was a way to bypass the popup blocker w/out having to disable it. There are some places I try to bring up that won't come open with it on & I don't want to disable it. Can you tell me how? Thanks agin. Keep the fun coming. Have a purrfect day, Sharon Dear Sharon I use the PopUpBlocker, but it allows legitimate pop-ups through just fine. However, I just use the IE6 Pop-Up-Blocker, not any third party program. It lets the Pop-Ups from the banks, stores, or PayPal through quite nicely. Sometimes it shows a line at the top of the browser to OK a slightly dubious PopUp. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mommy asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

Deeli's Kudos May 23, 2008 - Toronto, Canada - Gimundo On May 20th, when Margot Hines came across a woman who'd just been stabbed in a random attack lying on the sidewalk near her house, she knew just how to help. "She was gushing blood, and the first thing I thought was to put pressure on the wound and keep her calm," she said. Hines' quick thinking kept the woman alive while waiting for the paramedics to arrive. Hines doesn't have much in the way of medical training, but she relied on her first-aid training from summer camp as a child, and especially her many hours of watching Grey's Anatomy, to teach her what to do. "I know a little bit about first aid, and I hoped and prayed to God that I was doing the right thing," she said. The injured woman is now in stable condition, thanks to Hines' hard work (with a little credit to Dr. McDreamy, of course). http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/1 ... _Save_Life

A woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her last will and testament. She went to her rabbi to make two final requests. First, she insisted on cremation. "What is your second request?" the minister asked. "I want my ashes scattered over the Bloomingdale's store." "Why Bloomingdale's?" "Then I'll be sure that my daughters visit me twice a week," came the reply.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Higher Interest Savings You are using your bank's savings account, you may want to consider one of the online savings accounts. They are now offering great rates with no minimum deposit. Make sure your new account is FDIC insured so your money is safe. Visit ThriftyFun For Budget And Finance Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... e_442.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Millie for this story: My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?" We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me." "But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!" Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table. The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second one I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Photos with SmugMug Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
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Dear Webby: Full size windows by default 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 13, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Friday, the tirteenth! Remember, it's bad luck to be superstitious! The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. --- Will Rogers
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my p-mail."
Thanks to Dani for this picture of Montana style Gullible Warming: Hi Webby, Thought you might like a picture of Montana . These were taken yesterday and today. Yesterday we received 5" of snow and an additional 6" last night. I had shook the snow off the trees and bushes yesterday after the 5". Dani
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Matthew S. Sunshine, 19, of Cold Spring Harbor, N.Y. Another Drunk Darwin Bozo June 12, 2008 - Evanston, Illinois - UPI A freshman at Northwestern University in Illinois died after apparently drinking an excessive amount of alcohol at a party in his dorm, police said. Authorities pronounced Matthew S. Sunshine, 19, of Cold Spring Harbor, N.Y., dead Tuesday afternoon, a spokesman for the Cook County medical examiner's office said. "This unfortunate death serves as a tragic example of the dangers of excessive alcohol assumption," university officials wrote in a letter to the Northwestern community. Sunshine's friends said they monitored him Monday night after helping him back to his room when the party was over. He was found unresponsive when someone checked on him Tuesday before noon, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-362036-124000
Linda decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Linda begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, linda attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Full size browser Dear Webby, I've asked you this before, but I must be doing something wrong. When I click on a link that opens a new window, I like for it to be full screen. Lately, the windows are coming up quarter screen size. I thought you told me the last time to expanded the screens by dragging it from the corners and then holding down the Ctrl key while closing the window and would make it remember my preference. I'm not having any luck with that though. I'm still getting the quarter screen every time I open a new window. What is the right way of doing that trick or what could be making it go back to quarter screen? Thanks, David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! Dear Webby

The young ensign approached the crusty old chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officers insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a lieutenant junior grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. "As a captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes, Sir. But what about commanders and lieutenant commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our unmentionables with leaves. "

Deeli's Kudos June 11, 2008 - Merritt Island, Florida - UPI Two Florida teenagers who posted a YouTube video showing them tossing soda in the face of a fast-food worker have had to show their own faces online in apology. The popular "fire in the hole" video had generated millions of hits and sparked copycat assaults elsewhere. But the Merritt Island boys, aged 15 and 16, were caught and ordered by Brevard Circuit Court Judge Morgan Reinman to post an apology on YouTube, the Orlando Sentinel reported Wednesday. "We thought it would be funny to victimize restaurant employees by drenching them with ice-cold soda," one of the teens said in the video. "We take this opportunity to apologize to the victims and take full responsibility for our irresponsible behavior." Each teenager was found guilty of two counts of battery and one count of criminal mischief -- misdemeanor charges that will be dropped when they complete a diversion program and serve 100 hours of community service as well as sending letters to the victim. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-361562-738115

They say that Christopher Columbus was the first American Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Popcorn When stored in a sealed glass jar in a cool cupboard, popcorn can maintain its freshness for months. For longer storage, store popcorn in the freezer, it will last for a year or more. Popcorn should pop within 80 to 90 seconds, if it takes longer, it probably has dried out. Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Storage Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_959.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Mary for this story: My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. As I fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, I remarked, "I'm fat." "No, you're not," she scolded. "My hair is awful." "It's lovely." "I've never looked worse," I whined. "Yes, you have," she replied.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature Photos with SmugMug Extra Bonus: Friend and frequent contributor Walter, the stonecarver being interviewed on a coming feature in the the HouseSmarts TV series. Lost art of stone carving
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: IRS Refund emails 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 12, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves. --- Thomas Edison Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams McCain is counting on that!
"What kind of music do you sing?" "Aqua-pella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Perfect Fathers Day Gift
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Marshall, 44, of Rio Rancho, New Mexico June 11, 2008 - Albuquerque, New Mexico - UPI It was Dad who went to jail after an 11-year-old boy with his younger brothers beside him drove a pickup truck into a major highway intersection and hit a tractor-trailer, according to Rio Rancho police. The children escaped unhurt while their father, who was pedaling ahead of them on a bicycle, tried to cover up what happened, according to Rio Rancho police. Mark Marshall, 44, was arrested and charged with child abuse. Mark Marshall, 44, of Rio Rancho faces three counts of child abuse Tuesday after his pickup allegedly ran a stop sign and cruised into the trailer of the oncoming truck. Officers told the Albuquerque Journal that for some reason Marshall was pedaling a bicycle ahead of the Dodge pickup on Saturday with his 4-foot-2 son behind the wheel. Witnesses told police that after the crash, Marshall allegedly ran over and jumped into the vehicle. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eric Re: IRS Refund email Dear Webby, Well I got one of those scam emails saying that the IRS is going to send me a refund. Is there any point in forwarding that to the IRS or just to SpamCop. ? -- Eric Dear Eric Spamcop, yes, IRS, no. If you have lots of time, you can play with it yourself and fill out all the details for your mother in law, or the mayor. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Two elderly ladies were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stop light was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be loosing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and another red light, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost positive the light had been red. .... She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, no mistake, and they went right through. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have got us killed!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving ...?"

Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2008 - Boston, Massachusetts - UPI A group of 25 "academically talented" fifth-graders said they are thrilled after receiving $10,000 college scholarships and a day at Boston's Fenway Park. The group "represents the best and brightest of Boston," said Meg Vaillancourt, executive director of the non-profit Red Sox Foundation, which operates the scholarship program. The winning students, chosen from a group of at least 600 hopefuls, are "academically talented but economically disadvantaged," she said. Sunday, the recipients attended a special day at the ballpark, complete with food, one-on-one time with Red Sox players and two of them were even allowed to throw the first pitch, The Boston Globe reported Monday. Students said they were required to submit an essay, go through an interview and fill out an application to be considered for the scholarships. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-360340-472289

So few people know the Bible nowadays. I was standing downtown waiting on a bus. It was raining cats and dogs. A lady was standing next to me so I tried to be friendly and make conversation. 'If it keeps it up, we'll all have to buy an ark," I said. "What's an ark?" she asked. "You mean you haven't heard about Noah and the great flood and all those animals?" I asked incredulously. "Look, mister," she replied, "I've only been in town for four days. I've scarcely had time to read a paper."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Souvenirs When You Travel When buying souvenirs when you travel, try to buy something that you or the person you are buying it for can actually use. Try to avoid buying something that will just be sold at the next garage sale. Food products can be a great way to go. Visit ThriftyFun For More Travel Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Travel_1179.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few house calls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask what's the matter, "Don't you like me or somethin'?" The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at the entrance. Every time I enter the farm, they insult me!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Holland
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, how do I restore Windows? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  June 11, 2008

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. --- Peter De Vries
A tall, rugged man shows up at the condo pool. Mrs. Goldfarb reacts to this new face, and immediately closes in to begin questioning. She says "I think you might have been here, a long time ago, but I haven't seen you for many years." He says "I've been away." "Oh" she says "certainly not anywhere in Florida. You're very pale." He says "I've been in prison." A longer silence follows, and she says "Well, I know I'm being forward, but could I ask what for?" He says "I murdered my wife", then adds "with an ax." She says "So you're not single now?"
Thanks to Deelie for this picture of crows sheltering in a pine tree in front of her window during a storm::
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a tourist in Australia Look where you aim! June 3, 2008 - Cairns, Australia - UPI A man seemed embarrassed after a snake bit him in the crotch while he was relieving himself on the side of the road in Australia, an ambulance spokesman said. The tourist could have lost his life when a poisonous brown snake lurched toward his crotch and sunk its teeth into his manhood, the Sun reported Thursday. It was reported rescue officials hurried to the road near Cairns, Australia, and began on-site treatment. Medical officials said the man was expected to recover, despite throwing up and complaining of a stomachache. "It certainly had a swipe at him. But it didn't envenomate him." the spokesman said. "I think he was a bit shocked and embarrassed." Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Thanks to Erika for this story: At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: How do I restore Windows? Dear Webby, I got talked into trying one of those silly optimizers. How do I restore Windows XP to before that? Sandie Dear Sandie 1. Log on to Windows as Administrator. 2. Click Start, point to All Programs, point to Accessories, point to System Tools, and then click System Restore. System Restore starts. 3. On the Welcome to System Restore page, click Restore my computer to an earlier time (if it is not already selected), and then click Next. 4. On the Select a Restore Point page, click the most recent system checkpoint in the On this list, click a restore point list, and then click Next. A System Restore message may appear that lists configuration changes that System Restore will make. Click OK. 5. On the Confirm Restore Point Selection page, click Next. System Restore restores the previous Windows XP configuration, and then restarts the computer. 6. Log on to the computer as Administrator. The System Restore Restoration Complete page appears. 7. Click OK. If you are the only user and administrator, you can leave out the steps that mention an administrator. Have FUN! Dear Webby

Camping Tips! Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent trhowing weapon You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. Alternately, a ukelele placed on the camping table will keep the next spot free. The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home. In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate. The most efficient way to get teenagers and spouses to unpack and set up camp, is to supervise from the door of the camp outhouse.

Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2008 - Huntington, West Virginia - AP A West Virginia city council is hoping to overcome opposition to giving the mayor a raise from the proposal's biggest foe: the mayor. Huntington Mayor David Felinton has vowed to veto a proposal to raise his pay by nearly $28,000 to $90,000. He currently earns about $62,000. Felinton says it sends the wrong message to the city's employees, and that the town of 49,000 has other priorities. But City council members say the raise is needed to attract top candidates for the next mayoral election in 2012. The council is to vote on the proposal Monday night. The Huntington mayor hasn't had a raise since 1996. If Felinton vetoes the raise, eight council members would need to vote to override his veto. http://www.happynews.com/news/692008/hu ... se-odd.htm

Sign posted in the Army recruiting office: "Girs! Marry a veteran. He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Vinegar Vinegar works well for cutting grease and fighting odors in the laundry, just add it to your rinse cycle. Use it for quick cleanups in the kitchen or as a maintenance spray in your bathroom. Warning: Do not mix with chlorine bleach! Visit ThriftyFun For Green Living Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list. "Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Safety First
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Prining labels with Open Office 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 10, 2008

Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen
Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower: Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli-pad 1." Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!" There was a brief moment of silence. First voice again: "You idiot! You're my CO-PILOT!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her periwinkles:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Algernon James, 39, of Ft Lauderdale, Florida Stained June 9, 2008 - Pompano Beach, Florida - UPI Authorities said they arrested a Pompano Beach, Fla., bank robbery suspect after he failed to change his pants following a dye pack explosion in his pocket. The Broward County Sheriff's Office said Algernon James, 39, was arrested at a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., gas station after a tipster informed deputies of his location, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Broward Sheriff's Detective Tony Hierrezuelo said James had disguised himself with fake dreadlocks under a multicolored cap, but he was still wearing pants stained from a dye pack explosion the day before. "He never said why he didn't change his pants," Hierrezuelo said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Norm was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous woman. He couldn't help but just stare at her, so much so that his mouth dropped open and he was drooling. The woman caught him staring and suspected he wasn't just admiring her outfit. She said, "Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?" Norm replied, "No, ma'am. Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Labels in Open Office Dear Webby, Can I do labels like address labels with Open Office, or do I have to use WORD for that? Chris Dear Chris Yes, of course! I didn't realize that some people might still be using quaint old-fashioned WORD and Microsoft Office. In Open Office Write you click on File, New, Labels slect the brand, for example Avery, select Sheet, Letter Size, the Avery number, for example 5660. Click on New Document. Paste or type in the address, click on Synchronize, and the address is duplicated into 30 labels, or however many are on the selected brand and type of label sheet. You can, of course also pull different addresses for each label from a database. Just follow the on-screen instructions for that. It's really quite simple and intuitive, as long as you start with FILE, New, Labels Have FUN! Dear Webby

A friend of mine told me about this new Husband Shopping Center where a woman could go to choose from among many men for her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing inpositive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find a man as a prospective husband. First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better than not having jobs or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up". So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up? Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kidsand help with the housework. "Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they go. Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please."

Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2008 - Chester, Pennsylvania - AP He arrived in style: a black limo, a sharp tuxedo, a beautiful date and with an adoring crowd waiting for him. Kenneth Smith, 84, attended the Chester High School prom on Thursday night — fashionably late. Decades late. Smith was drafted into military service 1943, before he could finish high school. He returned home after World War II but never got his high school diploma. A friend arranged for him to receive an honorary diploma from Chester High School, just outside Philadelphia, and finally go to the prom. He did — at the Springfield Country Club. Smith said this prom wasn't just for him. He said it was also for all the other soldiers who couldn't make it to their own. http://www.happynews.com/news/692008/ma ... l-prom.htm

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prevent Eye Glasses and Goggles from Fogging Up Apply a little foaming shaving cream to your glasses and then wipe it off to help prevent them from fogging up. This also works well for swimming and skiing goggles. Visit ThriftyFun For Better Living Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Living_1303.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" "Yes." "What else?" The monkey motioned "Scr*****." "They were scr*****, too?" asked the astounded officer. "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and scr***** before they wrecked the car?" "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" ....motioned the monkey

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Safety First
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Upgrading from Vista to XP-SP2 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 9, 2008

Vista is bad for windows. Every time a Vista machine is thrown out the window, the glass breaks. --- Socratex
Carly went to the eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read lines of letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. Carly was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack, cut out a hole to see through with one eye, put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye, and asked her to read the letters again. As he did so, he noticed tears dripping from the bottom of the paper bag. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get so upset about needing glasses." "I know," she cried, "But I had my heart set on wire frames."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Bad hair day, Cookie?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Hudson More money than brains June 3, 2008 - Marbella, Spain - UPI A woman says her $8.8 million home in Marbella, Spain, was trashed by 400 revelers who showed up for a party her daughter advertised on the Internet. Amanda Hudson said she gave her daughter, Jodie, permission to throw her 16th birthday party at the house, but she lost control of the shindig after hundreds of people showed up to party, the Daily Mail reported Thursday. Jodie Hudson had sent out word about her birthday bash on social networking sites Facebook and Bebo as the "party of the year," the British newspaper reported. The advertisements, which included the address of the house, promised "there's going be a lot of alcohol and an amazing DJ." Hudson said $12,000 worth of jewelry and multiple clothing items were stolen during the party. Other items, including a TV, were thrown into the house's pool. She said the house is usually rented out for $8,000 a week during the summer, but the damage done by the party has made the residence unlivable. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
The man, trying to start up a conversation with another man said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?" The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!" Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the first man said, "No, not her, the other one!" The second man said, "That's my daughter!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re: Upgrade to XP Dear Webby, About your explanation about putting XP on a laptop, I honestly hope she didn’t have any trouble. I have finally figured an average to do it on laptops and on desktops as I have now completed my 900th desktop and my 1100th laptop. Laptops are $325.00 plus shipping and a copy of XP usually 129.00 but I have found most people have a copy so I split that cost out. Turnaround from receipt to shipment is generally 72 hours, except for some HP’s that drive me crazy!! Desktops are $275.00 plus shipping and a copy of XP usually 129.00 but I have found most people have a copy so I split that cost out. Turnaround from receipt to shipment is generally 72 hours. I do have a brick and mortar location for deliveries, and have been in this business for 40 years unfortunately. I used to work on good old UNIVAC memory systems. Hey have a good one and if any body ever needs serious work done on their computers, I’m available and can even do remote work for many simple tasks. Jerome Hi Jerome That will be good news for a lot of people who don't have the time or expertise to upgrade from Vista to XP on their own. ---------- For those of you who don't know Jerome, he has been a friend and client for over ten years and I can highly recommend him! To protect his address from spammers, If you want his email address, hit REPLY and ask me. Have FUN! DearWebby

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put AMAP down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?" The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!"

Deeli's Kudos June 3, 2008 - Tallahassee, Florida - UPI A 101-year-old Florida woman known as the oldest driver on the planet says people may be surprised she renewed her driver's license until 2011. Lillian Cox began driving in 1915 and can still be seen putting around Tallahassee, Fla., in her 1984 sedan. "They're surprised that I'd get a driver's license at 101. But I have four more years," she said. "I'm sure I look (101 years old) but they don't let me know that." Cox said, however, she wants to be driven to her upcoming appearance on "Tonight Show with Jay Leno" in a limousine. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Mattress Put a protective cover over your mattresses. If you have kids that are prone to accidents, a vinyl cover works the best. Anyone's mattress can benefit from a mattress pad, it keeps dirt and sweat from getting into the mattress and prevents you from having to wash your mattress. Visit ThriftyFun For More Bedroom Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Bedr ... 6_301.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ice Age is coming
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Doctored pictures 




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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 8, 2008

Passion is the genesis of genius. --- Anthony Robbins
A Cajun named Boudreax moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." The Cajun said, "Well, then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." The Cajun said, "Okay, then. Just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: The only survivor in that burrow. All the other chicks and the parents have been killed by hawks.
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Steinmanns in Madison, Wisconsin Sniveling ninnies June 3, 2008 - Madison, Wisconsin - UPI The Wisconsin Supreme Court has ruled a divorced woman must pay her ex-husband $2,000 a month to maintain his lifestyle, despite his $85,000 a year salary. The court ruled Rose Steinmann must pay her ex-husband, Tony Steinmann, $2,000 a month for 10 years so that he may maintain the lifestyle he enjoyed while married, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Thursday. The Steinmann's were married for 10 years and during that time Tony worked for Rose's business, Dairy Source Inc. He was fired from the company two months after the couple divorced in 2004. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Two men were walking their dogs around the local country club and discussing their recent game of golf. The first man's dog was a big German Shepherd, and the second man's dog was a Chihuahua. The first man says, "Let's go into the club and get a drink." The second man says, "But we can't take our dogs into the club, and I don't want to leave Froo-Froo outside." "Oh, sure we can take our dogs inside," the first man says. "Just do as I do, and say what I say." So, the first man walks into the club and asks the waiter for a place to sit. The waiter says, "Sorry sir, but you can't have your dog in here." The man looks around aimlessly and says, "Not even seeing-eye dogs?" The waiter immediately apologizes and gives the man a seat. The second man watched this whole scene and decided to go for it. He walks in and asks the same waiter for a seat. The waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't have your dog in here." The second man says, "Not even seeing-eye dogs?" Then the waiter laughs and says, "You got to be kidding, man, you're telling me that your Chihuahua is a seeing-eye dog?!" The second man thinks for a moment, then says, "What? You mean my seeing-eye dog is a CHIHUAHUA?!?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Is the roller coaster picture fake? Dear Webby, is this computer generated? If it isn't where is it located? Sure have never seen anything like this. Really enjoy your news letter. thank you so much, Carole Dear Carole Yes, it is. Somebody used the cloning tool and cloned sky over the track. All I did was some filtering and some edge preserving smoothing and then some final sharpening to hide their messing and make the picture look more real. It's a picture of the roller coaster at Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH. If you need some pictures "doctored", for example cleaning up a scan of gramma's wedding picture, or whatever, send them to me. Have FUN! DearWebby

Nathan, Morris and Bill are fishing in the Caribbean. Morris says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Nathan says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Bill says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Morris and Nathan turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?"

Deeli's Kudos June 6, 2008 - Chandler, Texas - AP A guitar stolen from country star George Jones 46 years ago in Texas is being returned to him by a man who says he bought it and tried repeatedly to give it back. The acoustic Martin-000 is being returned to him by Larry Berry of Chandler, Texas, who said he bought it for $10 from two boys in his Fort Worth, Texas, apartment complex in 1962. Berry said Wednesday he's been trying to reach Jones since the 1960s to return it, and finally got through this year. ''George is stunned, really happy,'' said Susan Nadler, a spokeswoman for the singer. She and Berry said Jones is to get the instrument back June 14 when he performs in Bossier City, La., and Berry attends the show and makes the presentation. ''It'll be a big relief,'' Berry, a retired oil man, said by telephone. ''I've written letters for years and called recording studios trying to find him. You can't believe how hard it's been.'' The guitar was stolen from a Fort Worth nightclub where Jones was performing in 1962. Berry said the two boys asked $25 for it, but he offered $10 and they accepted. He quoted the youths as telling him later that it had been stolen. The guitar had Jones' name on it with streaks of ''White Lightning,'' one of his hit songs. Finally, Berry enlisted the help of Tom Perryman of Tyler, Texas, a veteran broadcaster who helped him reach Jones in Nashville in February. ''He'll be very happy to get it back,'' Nadler said. ''It was one of his first guitars.'' http://www.happynews.com/news/652008/co ... r-back.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Mail Always have your family bring in the mail to the same spot when they check it. For example, designate a basket that is only for unsorted mail. This will help prevent important mail from getting lost in the shuffle. Visit ThriftyFun For More Clutter Control Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_680.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here." The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Aptera
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Refilling ink 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 7, 2008

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical. --- Yogi Berra My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle. --- Henny Youngman Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. --- Thomas Fuller
Thanks to Cookie for this story: One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question." "What do you want to know?" I responded. "Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the stupid idiot?"

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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Vasquez and Daniel Zurita, Cameron County, Texas Sniveling ninny parents June 6, 2008 - Los Fresnos, Texas - UPI A Texas couple is requesting that the state prevent a Cameron County judge from asking parents to publicly spank their children in court, a lawsuit says. The lawsuit was filed Wednesday by Mary Vasquez and her husband Daniel Zurita, claiming Cameron County Precinct 6 Justice of the Peace Gustavo "Gus" Garza ordered Zurita to spank his 14-year-old s tepdaughter in court, the Brownsville (Texas) Herald reported. The suit says Garza ordered Zurita to spank his stepdaughter with a wooden paddle to avoid a criminal charge and $500 fine for missing school. "I did not feel that I had a choice but carry out the orders of the judge. When I was finished, Judge Garza told me that I had not struck (my stepdaughter) hard enough ..." Zurita said of the April 9 incident. Zurita said Garza has called for other minors to be spanked in court Wednesday. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
One young man was riding his bicycle across a university campus. A passerby saw that a message on the front of his T-shirt announced his occupational goal: "I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR." As the cyclist rode on, the passerby noticed a sign on the rear of his bicycle: "I AM GOING TO BE A MERCEDES."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Ink Refilling Dear Webby, "...after the cartridge reads empty, it is refilled. Then it is re-installed back into the printer and the stop/reset button is held down for 10 sections. The stop reset button is the button on your printer next to image of a triangle inside a circle..." I got this from Atlantic Ink about refilling my cartridges, I don't know what "sections" mean. I hate to bug them anymore, so I thought I would ask you, since you use thier products. I spend about $75.00 a month on new cartridges for our business and I need to refill like I did with my old printer. I have a Conon MP530. Thanks, Bob Dear Bob That's a typo, like your Conon printer. Can happen to all of us. She means 10 seconds. Have FNU! DearWebby

Thanks to Louise for this story: As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containingthe contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just HOW you do it."

Deeli's Kudos June 6, 2008 - Cleveland, Tennessee - CNN At 14, while attending the U.S. Naval Sea Cadet camp in Florida, Kaylee Marie Radzyminski asked one question to troops returning from overseas military service. Their simple answer spurred the small-town teen into action. Kaylee Marie Radzyminski, center in black shirt, spends her Saturdays sorting CDs and DVDs for troops overseas. "I asked, 'What was the number one thing they missed?' " recalls Radzyminski. "The first thing was, of course, their families. But second to that was entertainment." They described limited access to Internet and satellite service, with some soldiers sharing just a few DVDs or CDs with an entire unit. So Radzyminski returned home and gathered her CDs and DVDs to send to the troops. What started as an individual project at home is now 16-year-old Radzyminski's nationwide nonprofit, Tunes 4 the Troops. Since 2005, she and volunteers have organized the collection and delivery of more than 200,000 CDs and DVDs to deployed service members around the world. "My mission is not about supporting or opposing the war, it's about supporting the troops," says Radzyminski, whose own family has a military background. "They sacrifice so much for us, why can't I do a little bit to give back to them?" To check out her organization, go to: http://www.tunes4thetroops.org/

Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says boy. "Nope, I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Frisbies Frisbees are an inexpensive outdoor toy, providing exercise and fun for a group. Tossing a frisbee back and forth teaches sharing. Frisbees can also be used for Frisbee golf where players try to hit various targets around the yard in the fewest number of throws. Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!!" The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room. "Where is he?" asked the receptionist. "He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment. "It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?" "The dresser!" screamed the old lady. Try standing on the dresser!

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Music Museum
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, how do I switch to an external monitor? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 6, 2008

Today is Friday. Time to wear something
red to how your support for the troops!

Fear is the darkroom where negatives develop. --- Max Walker You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. --- Dave Barry If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. --- Ludwig Wittgenstein
Rough Translations: RIGOR MORRIS: The cat is dead. RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you're Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I shopped. COGITO EGGO SUM: I think, therefore I am ... a waffle QUE SERA SERF: Life is feudal LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI: Leroy is dead. Dance Leroy! POSH MORTEM: Death styles of the rich and famous PRO BOZO PUBLICO: Support your local clown MONAGE A TROIS: I am three years old HASTE CUISINE: Fast French food QUIP PRO QUO: A fast retort ALOHA OY: Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know MAZEL TON: Tons of luck VISA LA FRANCE: Don't leave your chateau without it CARNE DIEM: Seize the meat
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 21 year old man in Utrecht, Netherlands Klutzy Mooner June 4, 2008 - Utrecht, Netherlands - AP Utrecht police say a 21-year-old Dutch man is recovering after a "mooning" that went horribly wrong. A police statement says the man and two others had run down a street in Utrecht with their pants pulled down in the back "for a joke." It says that at one point the 21-year-old "pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant" that broke and resulted in "deep wounds to his derriere." The statement released Tuesday says police detained the three men after the incident Sunday morning. But the cafe owner decided not to press charges after the men agreed to pay for the broken window. The injured man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080604/ap_ ... ing_mishap

From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsa Re: Switching to external monitor Dear Webby My laptop has a plug in the back, or is that a socket?, to plug a monitor in. I do have a large monitor with much higher resolution than the laptop. However, when I plug it in, nothing shows up on it. What do I have to do to make it work? Elsa Dear Elsa Try holding down the FN or Func key on the laptop, then tap the F8 key. That normally switches to external video. When you do that, the laptop video turns off. You don't get both. The laptop will recalc the video for grown-ups type 4:3 ratio and not saw off the bottom third, but it will not increase the resolution to the same sharpness, that you are used to from desktop computers. You may have to adjust the font point per inch size a bit for more comfortable viewing. By the way, you will have to hit FN + F8 every time you start Windows, and it won't necessarily work until the computer has switched from the black boot part to the color video part. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars.

Deeli's Kudos June 4, 2008 - Kingston, Pennsylvania - AP The young woman probably thought the 71-year-old veteran, whose friend was in a wheelchair, would make an easy target. She was wrong. Harry Kopenis chased and tackled the 22-year-old woman he says robbed him at an ATM in northeastern Pennsylvania. Then, with help from his friend in a wheelchair, he held her until police arrived. "Maybe she thought I was easy prey. She didn't think I was going to get her. Well, senior citizens aren't easy prey," Kopenis said. Police charged Erin Vanmatre, of Kingston, with robbery, harassment and other offenses. Vanmatre, who was on probation for conspiracy to commit theft, was locked up on $10,000 bail. It wasn't clear if she had an attorney. Kopenis said he's not sure how he was able to catch Vanmatre, considering he suffered a stroke five years ago and is on various prescription medications. He pointed to the sky and said, "It was a source up there who gave me the energy." http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080603/ap_ ... fOa_UuQE4F

A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, Who wear their balls in parentheses?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Video Games Don't buy games as soon as they come out. A year later you can often find games for half their original price. Even if you only wait a few weeks, you can find the hot games in the used market at local stores or on eBay. Visit ThriftyFun For Frugal Living Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _1307.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sequim Washington
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Windows Classic 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 5, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something
red to how your support for the troops!

If it weren't for the dark days, we wouldn't know what it is to walk in the light. --- Earl Campbell
Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
Thanks to Garth for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevin Dunn, 29, June 5, 2008 - New York - UPI Money awarded the wife of a New York police officer killed on Sept. 11, 2001, was used personally by a former broker who has pleaded guilty in federal court. Kevin Dunn, 29, admitted stealing $250,000 from the Sept. 11 Victim Compensation Fund proceeds given to the widow of Port Authority Police Officer Christopher Amoroso. Jamie Amoroso had known Dunn and placed her "complete faith and trust in him" to invest the money - which he instead used to add a wing to his New Jersey home and to purchase a timeshare in Disney World, the New York Post said Wednesday. Dunn left Brooklyn Federal Court facing more than five years in prison. He has lost his home and been ordered to pay restitution by selling the condo, defense lawyer Mario Gallucci said. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-357956-488710
While dining out at a nice restaurant, I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm worth at least $ 137,000."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim Re: Classic folders Dear Webby You have mentioned occasionally, and again yesterday, that you run Windows in Classic mode. What is the difference and how do you switch to classic mode? Kim Dear Kim In default mode Windows uses some half-baked scheme that assumes you are not multi-tasking, but doing some basic routine job all day, every day. It shows some basic tasks in the left part of explorer folders. In Classic mode, when you turn on "Folders" in the top bar, then the side part shows a folder tree. That makes it a lot easier to move, sort, open etc. whatever files or programs you want. Advanced Classic users totally re-organize the hard drive back to traditional fashion, instead of everything in awkward subdirectories of the desktop. In my directory tree, for example, you see C:\ |---!!downloads (default location for all downloads and attachments) |---!progs (shortcuts to the mot used programs) |---!utilities (shortcuts to most used utilities) |---Alpha (Word processing stuff) |---Numbers (Accounting and any numerical stuff) |---Pix (sorted sub-folders of pictures) |--- You can drag the little icons on the left of the address bar in the Explorer onto the desktop for even faster access to those folders. When I hit the shortcut icon for the !!downloads folder, I instantly see the Skype file transfers, mail attachments, downloads, etc. How long does it take you to find that stuff? It all depends on what you use your computer for. For efficinet and fast work, the Classic mode is better. Have FUN! DearWebby

Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?" "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp." "You wake up at six o'clock?" "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."

Deeli's Kudos June 5, 2008 - Government Camp, Oregon - AP A legally blind mountaineer has climbed Mount Hood, making it to the top. With the help of his guide dog, Rasha, and his best friend, Diego Joven, John Wimmer, 37, has already conquered about a half dozen mountains across the western United States. Wimmer said he lost his eyesight at age 5, but he has never lost his spirit. His message to others: Go after your dreams. Wimmer said Sunday that people have stereotypes about abilities and limitations, and he would like to abolish those. On Monday the trio are heading north to tackle Mount Rainier. http://www.happynews.com/news/632008/le ... t-hood.htm

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Rusty Nut or Bolt Spray penetrating oil, let it set for a while and then try to remove the nut. When trying to remove the nut, use a wrench with a long handle to provide you with good leverage. Push or pull the wrench with short and sharp jerks instead of extended pressure. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time...."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Drugs Digest
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Dragging files 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  June 4, 2008

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: The hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing to do. Only bananas and coconuts. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and longed for his old life. He fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" "I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." "Its only me," she said, “and the rowboat didn't wash up; nothing did." He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?" "Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the island there is a very unusual rock formation exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware." "But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?" Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then." she said. After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?" "No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto it's end. "This woman is amazing," he thought. "What next?" When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean--?" he replied, “I can check my e-mail from here?"
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Newcastle, England Sniveling Ninnies May 29, 2008 - Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK - UPI A British woman said police were being "petty and vindictive" when they fined her teenage son about $100 for letting a balloon float away. Max Twizell, 16, was ordered to fork over nearly $100 for littering after he let go of a balloon filled with helium at a charity gathering in Newcastle, England, the Daily Mail reported Sunday. "Will the council fine every charity that holds a balloon race 50 pounds ($100) per balloon? How about toddlers in prams who accidentally release their helium balloon?" the boy's mother, Lorraine Twizell said. Stephen Savage, director of regulatory services and public protection, told the newspaper authorities are required to bust those who litter. "We believe pursuing action against offenses like this sends out an uncompromising message that litter dropping in the city will not be tolerated," he said Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Thanks to Robert for this: TAKING A WOMAN TO BED What is the difference between girls/woman Aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the heck are you???
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Dragging Hi Webby..... Please don't think this is a stupid question. I have seen the phrase "drag to" and I know how to click and drag, but what I don't know .....how do you drag to another place? If I wanted to drag to let's say my d drive, that's on another "page". Thanks. Carol Dear Carol Don't run the file explorer full screen. Narrow it down so that it just uses a third of the screen. Then open another one beside it. Now you can drag from one to the other. If you use Windows in Classic Style, you can even split each window and show folders (instead of tasks) on the left side of each File Explorer. Then you can drag stuff even into closed folders showing on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Rubye for this story: During a commercial airline flight an Air Force pilot was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!' Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Air Force pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed........'And all these years, I've been chewing gum.'

Deeli's Kudos June 3, 2008 - Greensburg, Indiana - UPI Authorities in Indiana Monday were investigating an incident in which a pilot crash-landed his ailing plane just after his load of skydivers got out safely. The small plane had 14 skydivers on board, including a pair of first-timers, when it developed engine trouble Sunday while flying near Greensburg, Ind. The plane descended from 7,000 to 5,000 feet where the pilot was able to level it off enough for the skydivers to jump out, sheriff's deputies said. "Everybody was calm," Bob Dougherty, owner of Skydive Greensburg, told the station. "They exited the plane when they were told to. The pilot then proceeded to the north end and started his maneuvers to get the plane back down to the runway if possible." The plane flipped as it landed on the skydiving school's runway. The pilot was uninjured. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Mr. Smith was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. After several days of hospitalization, a nurse finally came into his room and stated, "Mr. Smith, I have some bad news and some good news. Which do you want to hear first?" Mr. Smith solemnly replied, "Well, tell me the bad news first." The nurse said, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that I am qualified to slap the s**t outa you."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Restaurants Don't order alcoholic drinks. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. Split large dishes between two people. Order off the senior menu if you can. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. Visit ThriftyFun For More Dining Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_935.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While stationed in Washington, D.C., a man used Arlington National Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To his surprise, he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police. An MP approached him and asked in a stern voice, "Are you supposed to be here?" Unsure of what to say, he replied, "Not yet." The MP held back a smile and waved him on.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Air Show
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Back-Up Program 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 3, 2008

Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. --- Dale Carnegie
A group of elderly Jewish men meet every Wednesday for a coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative. One day, Moishe surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, "You know what? I've now become an optimist." Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up. But then Sam notices something isn't quite right and he says to Moishe, "Hold on a minute, if you're an optimist, why are you looking so worried?" Moishe replies, "Do you think it's easy being an optimist?"
Thanks to Jim for this picture: Texas Horned Lizard at Palo Duro Canyon State Park near Amarillo, Texas, a couple of weeks ago - actually, nearer Canyon, Texas Jim
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ismael Gonzalez and Carlos Tartida-Villalba, from Green County, Ohio May 29, 2008 - Xenia, Ohio - UPI Green County, Ohio, police say they seized a record amount of cocaine during raids of three homes and a bar believed to be linked to a distribution ring. The Greene County drug task force said it seized 121 pounds of cocaine during the Tuesday raids, which included LA's Lounge bar, the Dayton (Ohio) Daily News reported Wednesday. Police also seized at least $500,000 in cash and a semi-automatic handgun from the locations. The drugs have an estimated street value of $5 million, police said. Two men, Ismael Gonzalez and Carlos Tartida-Villalba, were arrested. The drug force's Bruce May said both men have been charged with cocaine trafficking, and further charges of racketeering and conspiracy were expected. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field. The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: backup Program Dear Webby, Could you recommend a way to back up my computer programs that is easy enough for a "technically challenged" person like myself, to understand? Every time I get advice, it's like trying to understand a foreign language. Thanks for your help. Love, Rose Dear Rose There is no point in backing up programs. If you lose the hard drive, you have to re-install them from the CD or download anyway. All you back up is the stuff you have produced or collected. If you are like most people, then your hard drive is organized like your purse. You might want to consider re-organizing it in such a way, that making back-ups is easier. If all your pictures are in various sub-directories in C:\!PIX, then you can simply drag C:\!PIX to a DVD You can use a similar idea for writing and accounting. Once you are organized, it's simply a matter of dragging a few folders to a CD or DVD, but if you are not organized, it is gong to be a nightmare, no matter what software you use. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Olga for this story: My dad likes to amuse my three-year-old daughter, Tabitha, by "magically" pulling quarters out of her ears. On a recent trip to the store, Tabitha spotted a gumball machine and immediately began asking for money. I explained to her that the machine needed a quarter and I didn't have one. Wasting no time, she replied, "Well, look in my ears. Grandpa always finds money there."

Deeli's Kudos March 23, 2008 - Columbia, Missouri - AP After years of helping authorities look for murder victims and survivors of natural disasters, a search-and-rescue dog named Molly has been rescued herself. Surgeons at the University of Missouri College Of Veterinary Medicine on Thursday installed a pacemaker in the 5-year-old chocolate Labrador retriever's heart. She needed the surgery after being diagnosed with a complete electrical heart blockage. Owners Allen and Alicia Brown of Saginaw were overwhelmed with offers to help pay the more than $2,500 in surgery, vet and travel costs after The Joplin Globe reported on Molly's need for the pacemaker. Medical technology company Medtronic Inc. donated the device, and a Kansas businessman offered to anonymously pay up to $2,000 of the cost. Molly was scheduled to return home Friday and be confined to her crate for two weeks. She will have limited activity for the next two months, but should be able to return to full-time rescue work after that, Allen Brown said. The Browns are volunteers with the Newton County K-9 search-and-rescue unit, which doesn't have a budget. Allen, a paramedic, and Alicia, a nurse, put in hundreds of hours searching for bodies during emergencies. The unit has five certified dogs and three others in training. http://www.happynews.com/news/5232008/v ... ue-dog.htm

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping for an Apartment Always make sure to note whether the utilities are included in the rent or if they are extra. You may think are getting a better deal on rent when, in fact, they have just separated the utilities from the rent. Utilities can add $50.00 to $500.00 to the monthly cost. Visit ThriftyFun For More Rental Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... _4026.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $24.95 for the video, your dog is smarter than you."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Watts My Computer Uses
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Monitor aspect ratio 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 2, 2008

Who is more busy than he who hath least to do? --- John Clarke Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling
Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy. One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack. On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery. The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything for worms?"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Redneck Limo Good enough for the wedding, but they are going to paint it all white for her graduation. It's her first one, ya know!
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a couple in Vancouver, BC Advertised baby for sale May 28, 2008 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Reuters A couple has been arrested in what Canadian police said on Tuesday was an apparent offer to sell a seven-day-old baby girl on Craigslist for C$10,000 ($10,100). A woman who saw the offer on the popular website alerted police who tracked down the 23-year-old mother and 26-year-old father using a cell phone number that was l isted in the advertisement. Vancouver police said the couple told investigators the offer was a hoax, but were arrested for public mischief with other criminal charges possible as the investigation continues. "There are so many questions here," Constable Tim Fanning told reporters. Police said the advertisement described the baby as "very cute" and "unexpected" and that its parents, who could not afford to care for it, wanted to give it a good home. The child was put in the care of social workers. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0805 ... aby_odd_dc
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Letters Dear Webby What a suprise and thank you Just downloaded your 'clear type'. Never thought it would make much difference but can see it immediately. H xmuzak Hi Webby A VERY BIG thanks to Diane for those San Francisco Fleet Week pictures. Have NEVER seen better. The only thing missing was the scream of those engines!! I will enjoy them over and over! Cookie Dear Webby That list of add-ons for Windows makes it look like Linux, where you get the basics and then spend a month scrounging for the essentials to make it civilized. I do appreciate it, though, that you went the extra mile to collect all the extras in one spot and give us the links to them! Kudos to you! Ollie Dear Webby I used to think that you were just an opinionated old fart when you bitched about the wide aspect notebook screens. "Fashionable with the fake Rolex yuppies, who don't know any better", you had written. I laughed, until I got stuck with one myself. Then I turned into an opinionated fart too. I miss that bottom third of the screen! All routines and optimized work habits need to be changed. It just might fly throgh somebody's door or window too, one of these days. Christine Dear Christine It will take a lot of noise to make the manufacturers switch from 5:2 back to 4:3 ratio screens, since those are more expensive. But if there is enough noise and demand, they will switch. Unlike Microsoft, the manufacturers do listen to what the customers want. Have FUN! DearWebby

A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of the service. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!"

Deeli's Kudos May 26, 2008 - Newport News, Virginia - UPI The parents of a Newport News, Va., middle school student says their son tracked down the owner of a ring he found with his metal detector and returned it. Jose Velazquez said his 13-year-old son, Joshua, keeps most of what he finds with his metal detector, but he decided to track down the owner of a 14-karat white gold class ring that contained a ruby after he found it at Yorktown Beach. Velazquez said the ring was inscribed with Woodside High '08 and the name Vivianne M. Corrales. He said the family found only one Corrales in the Woodside High zip code using whitepages.com and was able to contact the senior, who hadn't yet realized the ring was missing. Velazquez said the decision about whether to track down the owner of the ring had been left up to Joshua. "I'm proud of his decision to turn it in," Jose Velazquez said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad. "All you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple was finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband woke with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searched the bed. This, of course, woke his bride, who, without thinking, immediately asked, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Funnel Don't have a funnel handy? Aluminum foil can be easily crafted into a funnel that will work in a pinch. Get a piece of aluminum foil that is twice as long as it is wide and fold it to form a square, use this to roll into a funnel. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com An empty bleach or vinegar jug makes a very nice funnel. Just cut the bottom half off. Dish soap bottles make excellent small funnels. If you use a funnel for oil, for exaple for your car or lawn mower, put it into a plastic bag after use. Otherwise it will attract dust and require cleaning. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jeff was out playing golf and he had his usual caddy with him. "Caddy, why didn't you see where that ball went?" "Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere. You caught me off guard."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: My Favorite Word
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, how do I upgrade from Vista to XP? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 1, 2008

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. --- King Edward VIII Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. --- Nikita Khrushchev
A very beautiful, but not so bright lady schedules a three-hour session with her therapist, and all she wants to talk about is how the constant pressure of being a beautiful, desirable blonde is causing her migraine headaches. For two hours straight, she whines, and cries, and moans about how hard it is to be so sexy, while everyone in the world is jealous of her, and says mean things about her, and calls her dumb, and self-centered, and shallow . . . At the two-and-a-half-hour mark, the blonde suddenly stops in mid sentence and shouts, "Doctor! You're a miracle worker! I'm cured! My headache is gone!" The shrink sighs and replies, "No, it isn't gone. . . I have it now."
Thanks to Mike for this picture: Here's a picture I took of an eagle this morning at the Norfolk, Virginia, Botanical Gardens. Thanks... Mike
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Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dopes in Melton, Australia Bad timing May 28, 2008 - Melton, Australia - Ananova Two Australian burglars broke into a house - only to find it full of police officers staging a drugs raid. The pair jemmied open a window to get into the house in a midnight raid in Melbourne, reports the Herald Sun. But they had been beaten to it by police officers who had just burst through the door to search for drugs. The property was allegedly being used for growing hydroponic cannabis, and the detectives were on a raid to arrest the resident, a man in his 20s. The startled burglars fled, but were caught a couple of days later, said Det Sen-Sgt Paul Cassidy, of Melton detectives. "It is unusual," he said, but declined to comment on whether the burglars had been after money or drugs. The three arrested men, all in their 20s, have been remanded to appear in court. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2871407.html?menu=
One day down by a river, a preacher had just baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk, non-religious man walked by the river. The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk, eying the treats laid out on a table, decided to act cooperative and said yes. The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said no. The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk again said no. The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: How do I upgrade from Vista to XP? Dear Webby, I intended it as a bonus and a perk, when I got one of my secretaries a brand new Dell laptop. Friday she heaved it through my door and quit. She couldn't get her work done, it made her feel and look incompetent, etc., etc., etc. I cleaned off my (fairly old) XP laptop and she will be back on Monday, using that machine. Of course, now I am stuck with the Vista crap. How difficult is it to upgrade it to XP? I do have an XP CD that belonged to a machine that has been retired. The data is backed up to DVD, but I don't have a clue about formatting and partitioning, so I would need step by step instructions. Thanks Frank Dear Frank Good for her! She seems to know how to get through to you. Since your data is backed up, all you do is stick the XP set-up CD into the drive, and reboot. You will be asked highly technical questions, like what your name is and what you want for the password. And you will have to hit ENTER a bunch of times. Eventually, XP will be up and running, but most likely it will not connect to your network. In the days when that XP CD was made, they didn't have the fast network cards we use nowadays, so the drivers for them are not on that old XP CD. No Panic, though. Open up the shrinkwrapped parcel of CDs and books that came with the laptop. Yes, I know, nobody else looks at that stuff either. In there you will find a black or charcoal gray CD with words like "Resources", or "Drivers" or "Utilities" on it. It seems Dell knew that sooner or later you would smarten up, and all the XP drivers are there, ready for you. Select Additional Tasks, and follow the prompts. One more reboot, and the network shows up. While you scratch your head and wonder if that's all there is to it, IGNORE any attempts by Windows to update. Go to http://webby.com/tools and download the SP3 blocker and the IE7 blocker, and run them. NOW the machine is ready. Let Windows update it all it wants. With an old XP CD it will proabbly take longer to update it than it took to install XP, but you can let it do that in the background, while you work in the foreground. Next, while still in my toolbox, download the Clear Type Font Tuner, Save-My-Desktop, Launchy, and Tweak-UI. The Clear Type Font Tuner makes a huge difference with today's glossy LCD screens, where they use a glossy appearance to gloss over the fact, that the resolution is actually quite crappy compared to old-fashioned CRT monitors. Save My Desktop saves your icon placement, in case you accientally pull up the task bar and they flit all over the place. Launchy lets you hit ALT-SPACEBAR and the first letter of a program to launch it. No need to move half a dozen windows to get at an icon. If you have a wide aspect ratio LCD, with the bottom third sawed off, you will really appreciate Launchy. TweakUI is for tweaking and tuning the user interface and has all the advanced controls. There is probably a lot more stuff in the toolbox that you like, but those are the esentlials. Get those for now and in a few hours Vista will be just a bad old memory, like messing your diapers once upon a time. Have FUN! DearWebby

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a sign board for him & put it above his clinic entrance. Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself. One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist into the 3 words. His new sign read: Psycho- the- rapist

Deeli's Kudos May 26, 2008 - Waterloo, Ontario - Gimundo Plastics, and plastic bags, in particular, have a nasty habit of sticking around long after they're wanted. A plastic bag can take as long as 1,000 years to decompose naturally. Thanks to the smart thinking of Daniel Burd, a 16-year-old boy from Waterloo, Ontario, there is a solution to speed up the process. Burd recently won $30,000 in scholarships and prize money at the Canada-Wide Science Fair for his groundbreaking environmental project: a solution that can biodegrade plastic bags in a mere three months. Burd came up with the concept while working on household chores one day. "Almost every week I have to do chores and when I open the closet door, I have this avalanche of plastic bags falling on top of me," he said. "One day, I got tired of it." He spent weeks on a trial-and-error process to isolate a group of microorganisms that would quickly degrade plastic bags, and soon came up with a winning combination. "All you need is a fermenter . . . your growth medium, your microbes and your plastic bags." His invention could easily be used for wider application, and may lead to a dramatic speedup in plastic back degradation the world over. "This is a huge, huge step forward," he said. "We're using nature to solve a man-made problem." You can read his report (PDF) here. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/1 ... astic_Bags

The primary school teacher was preparing the class for their annual concert. Some children were to sing songs, others recite poetry and some to play musical instruments. Little Alfie had just come down from the country and the teacher asked him if he would like to do some farmyard impressions. Alfie thought this was a great idea. On the night of the concert, Alfie nervously walked onto the stage. "Farmyard noises," he announced. Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, he yelled at the top of his voice, "Get off that bleepin' tractor! Shut the bleepin' gate! Get that bleepin' calf outa the yard!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chopping Nuts For easier chopping, bake nuts in the oven for 5 to 10 minutes at 300 degrees F (149 C) before chopping them. A quick way to chop nuts is to put them in a plastic bag and hit them with a mallet or meat tenderizer, with no clean up afterwards. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cooking Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Groan Alert! Lost on a rainy English evening, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles." "I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for such a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, I wonder who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar." She turns to Brother Michael and says, "Then you must be...?" "Yes, you guessed it. I'm the chip monk."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: San Francisco Fleet Week
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, how do I switch to Linux? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  May 31, 2008

You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed wire they used was strong enough, .but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper border kept leaving their gates open.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Looks like her old gator hunting swamp buggy!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the City of Portsmouth, England Obnoxious Snivelers May 30, 2008 - Portsmouth, England - UPI A Portsmouth, England, grandmother says her local government has ordered her to have a lifeguard on duty for the 2-foot-deep wading pool she put in her yard. Lourdes Maxwell said she has been putting the small pool out in her yard at the start of summer for more than 20 years for her children, grandchildren and neighborhood kids to play in. However, she said the city council issued a health and safety edict ordering her to empty the pool. Maxwell said she contacted her member of Parliament, who convinced the city to allow Maxwell to keep the pool, provided she pays for insurance and has lifeguards watching the pool at all times. "I asked around for insurance and they just laughed at me. No one offers insurance for paddling pools," Maxwell said. "I'm always there to supervise but they're trying to tell me I need lifeguards for a kiddies' pool as well -- it's crazy." Copyright 2008 by United Press International
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," the patient said sadly.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: How do I switch from Windos to Linux? Dear Webby, I am going to switch the entire office to Linux. We had to get all new machines and they are all Vista. Vista is ridiculous and everything takes a lot longer to get done. How do we go about the switch to Linux? Elvira Dear Elvira Linux is about at the stage where DOS and Windows were in the 80's and early 90's. It works fine, but you better get a local guru to set it up for you, and to throw in some friendly tutoring. There are many different flavors or distributions of Linux, and just choosing, which one is best for your business, can be a daunting task. 1) list your priorities and tasks and programs that you want to use. 2) Choose a local Linux consultant, who has the patience to explain the differences between various Linux flavors to you and help you choose the one that is right for you. 3) Get the consultant to set up one machine and, together with you, customize it for your purposes. 4) Once your machine is set up perfect for your office, get the consultant to make you a bootable ISO Image to clone it to the rest of the machines. If you do it that way, your business will be switched over quickly and painlessly, and you will have effective work machines. Any other method will probably frustrate you enough that you will decide to put up with Vista and just hire extra staff. If you follow those four steps, you will enjoy Linux and never even think of going back to Vista. Have FUN! DearWebby

SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

Deeli's Kudos May 30, 2008 - Madison, Wisconsin - UPI Organizers of Brat Fest in Madison, Wis., say the event broke its own world record by selling 191,712 bratwurst sausages during its four-day run. Tim Metcalfe, one of the organizers, said the 2004 record of 189,432 brats was beaten when a "huge dinner rush" near the end of the festival led to 10,000 brats being sold in a single hour, The (Madison) Wisconsin State Journal reported Tuesday. "The stage bands got up and said, 'If everybody buys one brat right now, we can break this record,'" Metcalfe said. Metcalfe estimated the bratwurst celebration raised more than $100,000 for the charities chosen by volunteer servers. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080511@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Shirts Start by ironing sleeves, cuffs, belts and collars before ironing the body of the shirt. This will prevent you from having to re-iron the body of the shirt. When ironing collars, iron from the corners inward to prevent wrinkles on the ends of the collars. Visit ThriftyFun For Laundry Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with an attractive young woman on his arm. At the man's next visit, the doctor said, "I saw you with a young lady the other day. You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Des Moines tornado damage
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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