Which address will be showing? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes
In a way, colleges & insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to "graduate" from an asylum.
During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means --- "Annnnnd They're Offf, racing for the parking lot!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Angelic Innamorato in New Port Richey, Florida Woman used toilet tank lid as weapon NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla., June 29 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a woman who allegedly swung a toilet lid at her cousin's head before stealing his wallet at gunpoint. New Port Richey police said Angelic Innamorato allegedly swung a ceramic toilet tank lid at her cousin's head Saturday morning during an argument in his River Side Inn room Investigators said Innamorato, who missed with the toilet lid, then pointed a black revolver at her cousin, told him she was going to kill him and fled the room with his wallet at about 7:30 a.m. Police said Innamorato, who told officers she only picked up the toilet lid to look for her keys, kicked at the inside of a police cruiser following her arrest at her home. Innamorato was charged with two counts of aggravated assault, petty theft and criminal mischief. She was released from the Land O'Lakes jail after posting $10,300 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: TheVickster RE: Which address shows? Hi Webby, Your recent explanations of how Gmail works has given me a good education in its actual and real use. My question to you is if I were to have Gmail redirect my mail (with its option to do so) to the email program I actually use (AOL), and there view, file, reply to it, or whatever. So if I reply to it, is it going back from Gmail, or my actual email program (with that as the address showing instead of Gmail's)? In other words, I wouldn't want my AOL address to display, but 'picturing' the process in my mind believe that is what would happen if I reply from AOL where Gmail redirected it. I think I'm explaining that correctly. Gmail was established for 2 reasons: AOL's failure (at times) plus the fact that I don't have much hard drive space to play with in order to do a proper defrag, which we know requires a minimum amount of space to run. I have been using Gmail as a substitute email program even though it is not in fact that. I read, send, reply from here, and even move into folders here. What I deem really worth saving I will send to myself at AOL, but rarely. Thanks for your further clarification on this point of replying from email program that has been redirected to it from Gmail. the Vickster Dear Vickster When you reply from AOL, it will show the embarrassing AOL address. If you set up Eudora or Outlook or Outlook Express to process your gmail, it will show the quite respectable gmail address as your sending and reply-to address. Have FUN! DearWebby
Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cold Drinks for Working Outside Living in the southeast we get accustomed to working outside in the high heat and high humidity. Today isn't too awfully bad, 89 Degrees F and 53% humidity. But I thought I'd pass along a tidbit to help cope with the heat. I found some plastic drinking jugs at Wal-Mart for $1.50 each. They come in different colors. They hold about 24 ounces of liquid, have a handle to grip, and a pop up spout. Each night I fill them no more than 1/3 full with drinks, and freeze them overnight. Right now I have one with water, one iced tea, and one lemonade. Then the next day when I want a good cold drink to take outside with me (I have a very strict house rule; nothing glass goes outside!), I just take one, finish filling it up with whatever is in it, and take it with me. With the solid ice in the bottom it stays cold much longer than with ice cubes, plus the ice doesn't dilute the drink! One jug will usually last me most if not all afternoon. And it stays icy cold the whole time! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish, too!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic young preacher who had more enthusiasm than experience with the new echo-cancelling microphone, raised himself to full height, leaned over the pulpit and boomed, "Bwothers and sifters, if hare are any among yooo, who have committed adultewy, may your tongue stick to the woof of youw mouf!"

» Volcano by Astronauts
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Is it safer to NOT download email? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"Happiness is a way station between to little and too much." --- Channing Pollock "Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length." --- Robert Frost
During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to Washington asked a Senator if he could make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still not arrived from the airport. The Senator replied: "I spent years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject for any length of time, especially on a subject about which I have no particular knowledge."
"Eight long years of college." moaned the budding Yuppette. "And just who has it gotten me?"
Thanks to Sue for this picture of her Tree Swallow
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to an unnamed crook in Denver, Colorado Denver cops kill man with fake gun One man died early this morning from multiple gunshot wounds fired by Denver police after he pulled a "replica handgun" on the officers, according to police spokesman John White. White said the incident began after Denver dispatchers received a call at 12:48 a.m. from a caller in the 3100 block of West Louisiana Avenue alerting them to a man with a gun in the area. White said officers contacted the caller and received the descriptions of two men, one of whom the witness said was armed with a handgun. Within minutes, the officers located the two individuals near West Alabama Place and South Hooker Street. There, said White, the officers gave repeated commands to the men. One man obeyed the commands while the second man didn't, said White. At that point, the man who refused to obey pulled what appeared to be a handgun. Two officers fired multiple times, hitting the man repeatedly, said White. The wounded man later died at Denver Health Medical Center, said White. The handgun was recovered at the scene and was found to be a replica handgun, not a working weapon, said White. White said that the man who pulled the replica handgun was reportedly involved in an assault just minutes before he was shot by officers.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob RE: Is it safer to not download the email? Hi Webby, I'm a long time reader and daily voter. Love your newsletter. Quick question. I had to get a gmail address since AOL stopped delivering your letter. I have 3 e-mail accounts and everyone of them receives a lot of dangerous spam. My question, isn't it safer not to download e-mail off the server to your hard drive? Thanks and keep up the great work. Phil in Ohio Dear Phil The problem with malware is not the downloading, but the clicking on it. Google catches a fair bit of the spam. Whatever it puts into Spam or Trash is not visible to MailWasher or Eudora. You can consider it as a pretty good pre-cleaner. Then Mailwasher flags spam that Gmail missed and exposes phony links. That gets rid of a lot more junk. What is left over for Eudora to actually download, is then just the stuff that you will actually answer and/or file. Some items you can just read in MailWasher. For example the KSC (NASA) releases or a newspaper headline alert. You are not going to file them anyway, and the part that you plan to read, is in the top paragraph that Mailwasher shows. So you read that and flag it for deleting. No need to download it. With Eudora, same as with any full featured email program, you can make as many folders and sub-folders as you want. Lets's say you make a folder for Recipes, and in that a folder for deserts, and in that a folder for Fat-Burning Deserts. You might get a recipe that looks good, but you don't have time to study and print it right now, so you file it. All the stuff you decide to keep, is YOURS, on YOUR computer, and on YOUR back-up. With Gmail, you are a tourist. You are allowed 7 GB of space. When you hit the limit, it locks. Then you have to dump stuff, to get it working again. All the carefully kept recipes or prayers or pictures are gone forever, when you do that. Jut consider Gmail as an important STEP in your email strategy, not the entire mail universe. In summary: A Gmail address is a very reliable address. Gmail does an excellent job of pre-cleaning the mail and getting rid of the most obvious spam. The Gmail browser is a fast but therefore limited mail viewer. MailWasher is a very thorough spam and malware cleaner with artificial intelligence that continuously learns and adapts to your preferences, and has the easiest to make and most reliable filters. It also lets you preview the top portion of each mail, while it exposes the actual addresses hidden under the links. All that helps you to weed out your email, so that only what you actually want to answer or file is left for downloading. Eudora, Pegasus, Outlook, Outlook Express, or whatever POP program that you use, downloads your cleaned emai and deletes it off the server. You always have plenty of space on the server. With your email processing program you can then answer and/or file your email. A computer based email processing program naturally has a lot more features than a browser based viewer, and you can customize it to your exact preferences. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jim's beautiful wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the department store," he said. "Good," she replied. "Now I can use it to buy something else."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Let Your Dog Chew on Corn Cobs I know some bigger dogs love corn on the cob, but PLEASE don't let your dogs eat the leftover cob! It doesn't digest in their stomach and if it gets clogged, he could need surgery to get it out! Dogs also do not have the proper enzymes in their systems to digest rice. My vet always told me to give my dog peanut rice when he wasn't felling well, but then I talked to an herbalist who really knew about dogs. She told me that. Ever since then I don't give my dog rice or food with rice in it. He is a lot more active! By ivorylov from Ocala, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Father: "Son, I'm very worried about you being at the bottom of your class." Son: "Don't fret Dad. They teach the same stuff to both ends."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A student comes back to the dorm and finds his roommate near tears. "What's the matter, pal?" he asked. "I wrote home for my parents to send money, so that I could buy a laptop. They sent me the laptop." he moaned.

» Getting crabs
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Is Eudora as good as... 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 28, 2010

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous. --- Robert G. Ingersoll The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
My parents have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But you better not call me Louise!"
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise so that you would not see how scarey she really is. "
Thanks to Pauine for this picture of her roses: Large
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Darnell Wilson, 44 in Southaven, Mississippi Sentenced To 3 x Life In Prison For Shoplifting A man in Mississippi is heading up the river for the rest of his life after he was caught heisting some stuff from a Kohl's store and then led police on a car chase. According to DeSoto County Assistant District Attorney, Smith Murphey, Wilson led police on a pursuit into Tennessee, injuring an officer in the process. Oh, and also because he'd been convicted 10 previous times. After being arrested for trying to cash in his five-finger discount at Kohl's, local police in Mississippi ran the man's name through the system and came up with a bonanza of a rap sheet from his days in Tennessee: 18 arrests, 10 convictions (4 felony convictions; 6 prior felonies reduced to misdemeanors). The wannabe thief was convicted of three felonies and given a mandatory life sentence, as per Mississippi state law. In Mississippi, with two or more prior felonies, and at least one year in jail, a life sentence is actually mandatory by the court, unless a judge finds the sentence inappropriate. Tuesday, June 22, a DeSoto County judge issued Wilson three life sentences.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob RE: Is Eudora as good as... Good Morning Webby, Eudora looks interesting. Is it as good or better than Outlook Express or Gmail? I like them both but could use a third email. Please send me the "registration codes" for Eudora. Thank you, Bob Daily Voter Dear Bob Eudora is roughly 1000 times more reliable than Outlook Depressed, and about 500 times more reliable than Outlook. Gmail is very reliable, and a great address, if you use a good email program like Eudora to process and file the email. The browser based viewer of Gmail is not really intended for processing email. That viewer is just for peeking, while away from your computer. The proper way to use it is to set it with POP enabled, and pull the mail off the server with a full featured email program, and then process and file it on your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the data entry tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true, Mr. Smith that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Trampoline as a Clothes Drying Rack I do not have a clothes line where I live but like to dry my clothes outside. I came up with a neat solution. Thinking about those sweater drying racks that you can put in the bathtub to dry items, I realized I already had a larger, and more efficient one available - my trampoline! It is made of mesh so it dries both sides at once, and it is dark colored so it absorbs heat from the sun. I think my clothes dry faster than if they were hanging up. If you have a trampoline, try it! You'll like it! By Wendiesioux from IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After a long and arduous divorce trial that dragged on for weeks and cost him everything except the clothes he wore, on the way out of the court George was reminded of a phrase in an old song: "being free is nothing left to lose". He realized the truth in that and started laughing and shouting as he skipped down the sidewalk. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm almoft four."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, "Who told you about us!?"

» Maps
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Repeated picture authorization requests in Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 27, 2010

"Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right." --- Henry Ford
"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I was the only one catching any fish!"
While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of arguments, the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from it!! The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady. It's your deer. You can carry it out of here, or get thrown in jail for leaving your kill in the bush. Just let me get my saddle off of it!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Mellon Galloney, 60, Fort Pierce, Florida Police find stranger sitting on toilet When a woman got home Tuesday, her front door was unlocked and her bathroom door was closed, both of which she considered unusual. When she opened the bathroom door of her North 13th Street home, it "immediately" was "slammed shut" and she saw a man's arm, according to a recently released arrest affidavit. The woman ran out and flagged down a Fort Pierce police officer, who went inside and discovered the potty door remained shut. "I announced my presence and opened the door to find a white male sitting on the closed toilet seat," an arrest affidavit states. "The male tried to shut the door immediately." The officer pushed the door open and saw a lighter in the man's hand. The man, identified as 60-year-old James Mellon Galloney, also dropped an "unknown item." A crack pipe and a crack rock turned up on the floor. Asked what he was doing in the residence, Galloney, whose listed address is elsewhere in Fort Pierce, said he was urinating. "I asked Galloney if he generally (urinates) sitting down on a toilet with his pants on and the toilet seat down and he replied, 'Yes,'" the affidavit states. "Galloney had not urinated on himself." Galloney gave police the name of a man who Galloney said let him in the home. The woman told police that man had dated her grandmother but that she had never seen Galloney before. Galloney faces charges including possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia and burglary to an occupied structure.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helene RE: Repeat picture authorization request Hi, Dear Webby. Love your daily letter which gives so many helpful items and tips on an everyday basis. So hard to split a paragraph when using the same color font, so am sticking to a run-on sentence. Sorry. My question is 'How on earth can I prevent the computer from asking if I'll allow pictures every 20 seconds (an exaggertion, but on purpose)."? Your answers are usually extremely helpful and I'll be you have just the right way to go about this. Unless it's something I should put up with for safety's sake. Thanks & greatly appreciated. Helene Dear Helene That is because you are using a browser on a slow and dubious connection to peek at your email. The browser view is not a real email program, and not really intended to be used as a regular email program. Yes, I know, a lot of people are, but that is not what a browser is designed for. The browser view is intended for quickly peeking at your email, while away from your own computer. Just get yourself a proper email program, and set your Gmail to POP. There are lots of email programs listed at Wikipedia Email Comparison My favorite is still Eudora. You can get it from my Tool Box. Like the Pyramids, Eudora has outlived it's makers, but it is still available. If you install it, tell me, and I'll send you the registration codes. However, you can choose any email program you want, even Outlook Express, which is already on your computer. You already paid for that one, when you paid for Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Sandie for tis story: My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school's 10th year reunion was taking place. While my girl friends and I were in the restroom talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said, "Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in another 10 years."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deodorizing a Cooler or Ice Chest If you have a portable cooler that has the odor of rotten meat, you can open it and clean it. Leave it open to the sun for at least a couple of days with the opening facing as much of the sun as possible. This will get rid of most or all of the odor. By bjb64f from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A real estate salesman has just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he has sold is completely under water. "That customer is going to come back here pretty mad," he says to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" the boss roars. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, "That man is such a talented dancer, that I'd pay him a hundred pounds to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!" When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred pounds you could step on the short rake again?"

» Jewel of the Orient
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Access to the Hunger Site 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 26, 2010

My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature. Time to get a new one. --- Kevin Hench The human race has one really effective weapon and that is laughter. --- Mark Twain
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "Tomorrow my suspension is over and I can go play golf again!"
An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.' Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed dead pumpkin from trunk".
Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leah Osborne, 27 in Stillwater, Oklahoma Drunk As A Skunk, Er, Raccoon Intoxicated Oklahoma woman busted after picking up stray critter JUNE 22--Meet Leah Osborne. On reflection, the Oklahoma woman likely regrets recently stopping her car to pick up a stray raccoon she found on a Stillwater roadway. According to cops, Osborne, 27, was intoxicated and had an open bottle of vodka in her vehicle when she "stopped and picked up the raccoon from the roadway" one evening last month. But when "the animal began to show a more animated side" inside her car, Osborne stopped and extricated the raccoon, which promptly hid beneath her vehicle. At this point, Stillwater cop Kurt Merrill arrived on the scene, responding to a call about a raccoon in the roadway. When the raccoon emerged from beneath the car, Osborne ran past Merrill and "laid down in a road side ditch" that was muddy and "had standing water from recent rains." Osborne remained in the ditch until, Merrill reported, "I was able to chase the animal into a line of nearby trees." A District Court probable cause affidavit, filed June 3, notes that a Breathalyzer test recorded Osborne's blood alcohol content as .37, nearly five times the legal limit. As a result, Osborne was charged with drunk driving. She also had a revoked drivers license.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Honor RE: Hunger Site Hi Webby... Could you tell me how to contact the 'Hunger Site' and the others, to click for daily donations..I need it for the days that Comcast decides I don't need to see the Webby Humor Letter that day. Irritating, but no one at Comcast seems to be interested enough to correct the problem. Does make me wonder what else I'm not getting! Thanks for this...and all you do! Honor Dear Honor You can always browse to http://webby.com/humor I don't think the comklutzes are able to block that. You might want to switch important mail over to a gmail address, or open a personal domain. Have FUN! DearWebby
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old. This hat is brand new!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Twohundred pound Nancy is five feet, two inches tall and considers herself pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 115 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over and whispered to her: "Nancy," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A nearsighted minister glances at the note that a member of the congregation has delivered to him through an usher. The note reads, "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the minister startles his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

» Doggy Doings
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Reply with just selected quote 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 25, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

"Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company." --- Scott Adams Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. --- Cyril Connolly
A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides, and, if there is room, we shall meet in Heaven."
A man who has been very sick is visiting his doctor to get the results of a battery of tests. "What are my chances of recovering, Doc?" he asks. "One hundred percent," the doctor assures him. "That's a relief," the patient says. "But how can you be so sure?" "Well," the doctor says, "statistics show that nine out of every 10 patients with your disease will die. Yours is the 10th case I've treated. The others have all died. So you are bound to get well."
Thanks to Janina for this picture of her Passion Flower Large
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to U.S. District Judge Jean Hamilton Restraining order against Sheriff ST. LOUIS – A federal judge issued a temporary restraining order Thursday, June 24. 2010 against St. Francois County Sheriff Dan Bullock and other local law enforcement from enforcing Missouri statutes and stopping a planned protest at the funeral of Corporal Michael C. Bailey. The restraining order was filed in U.S. Eastern District Court by the ACLU on behalf of the Westboro Baptist Church Perverts. U.S. District Judge Jean Hamilton sided with the perverts and issued the restraining order after a hearing Thursday morning. During previous local military funerals Bullock and local law enforcement kept the protesters at bay by threatening arrests and prosecution, citing Missouri Revised Statute 578.095 which prohibits the desecration of the U.S. flag and Missouri State flag. Bullock also referenced Missouri State Statue 578.501 which prohibits the disruption of funerals. The ACLU filed a lawsuit against the statute that challenges whether or not it is constitutional. NOT recognizing the worldwide fact, that a law is valid until overturned, Judge Jean Hamilton earned an International Bonehead Award by restraining the Sheriff from enforcing existing laws, just because the perverts and the ACLU don't like the existing laws. If the anybody else used the same kind of perverted logic, they could object to laws that forbid stuffing the perverts and their judge into a dumpster, and get away with doing it. There are plenty of precedents, where people objected to for example laws about Marijuana, and were sentenced according to existing laws, no matter who objected to them. Bullock said he is looking at enforcing a federal law that prohibits the disruption of a funeral of a member or former member of the Armed Forces. He said that law does not have as many restrictions as the state law in question. I checked with the Patriot Guard Riders. The family of Cpl Michael Bailey have asked the Patriot Guard Riders to attend the services for Cpl. Michael Chad Bailey Michael Chad Bailey is definitely on their list, even tough there are an awful lot of hero's funerals scheduled for today. Even if the law can't stand up for a fallen hero, the bikers will!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon RE: Reply with just a selection Dear Webby, When I reply back to you it's usually with a comment or question. I tried to delete the your original letter leaving just my comments but some things just wouldn't delete or it was a real chore to do it. So that's why when you get something from me it's usually my comments plus your original letter. I'm just trying not to clutter up your box. I tried to hilite the original letter then delete but most doesn't delete. It isn't a nuisance for me just a nusiance for you. Sorry. Have a purrfect day, Sharon Dear Sharon No, do not try to delete. Highlight the text, that you want to be quoted then hit REPLY. Only the selection will show in the reply letter. Have FUN! DearWebby
A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old farm house with a large spread of woods behind it. One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said "yes, sure, but would you do me a favor? The ol' cow in the barn yard is on her last legs and I know she is sufferin', would you kindly put her down for me, I don' have the heart to." As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and shouted "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his property!" and shot the old cow. After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and one of the other hunters proclaim, "Yea, we'll show him... I got the tractor!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Key Locks Differently I used to want to have all of my door locks to be keyed the same. However I have recently realized, that there are times when I'd like to be able to allow someone into my house, when I am away on vacation for example, or to check on my pets. If you have a doorknob lock keyed differently than the deadbolt lock, you can leave just one of them locked to allow someone with only that key to enter, and they won't be able to enter at other times. By Lynn from Albany, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said, as of the time they did the test, you have only 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you to tell you about that since last February.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A boy was smoking and blowing smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors"

» Amazing Space
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Verizon email problem is wide spread 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 24, 2010

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov Democracy is the insane delusion, that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- Democrates Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it. ---Mark Twain
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced: "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named 'Love'. It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him and calling his name. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for Love." In New York that is an indictable offense and she was arrested on the spot.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kendall Gaines, in Bristol, CT Burglar Left Cell Phone At Crime Scene – Three burglars who broke into a home on Trotters Glen Tuesday afternoon were promptly caught — in part because one of them left his cell phone behind, police said. The phone belonged to Kendall Gaines of Bristol, police said. He is charged with third-degree burglary, conspiracy to commit third-degree burglary, third-degree larceny and conspiracy to commit third-degree larceny. Nicholas Pugh-Williams, 19, of Bristol, and a 17-year-old were also arrested and charged with similar counts. Police say they stole about $3,000 worth of jewelry, alcohol and electronics from the home. The residents came home in the afternoon and found their house had been ransacked, police said. Police went to the home to investigate and found a cell phone, which led them to the suspects, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Margee RE: Widespread email problem with Verizon Dear Webby, Actually, I am thinking about dropping Verizon for everything and getting my cable from Time Warner and getting one of those Magic Jack for my home phone. I noticed a few months ago they were not delivering mail to and from me, depending on the subject line. Me and a friend who also has Verizon did some tests and they are definitely censoring email. I didn't think they would do that with my long standing newsletters, though. Thank you for the information! Thanks, Margee ----------------- Dear Webby Verizon has messed with the mail for years. Their connectivity is good, but their mail is even less reliable than Yahoo. And you are 100% right about not trusting Verizon with utility bills, unless you want to get cut off suddenly. And definitely don't trust Verizon with any paid subscriptions! It just causes a lot of hostilities. Brandon ----------------- Dear Webby I wonder what that Ed, who claims, that he believes that Verizon doesn't censor mail, is smoking? They stole so much of my mail that I told them where to stuff their crappy "service". A local ISP agreed to match their rates, and he is not touching my mail. He knows, that I know where he lives, and I never had to remind him of that. Verizon turned into a bunch of overbearing do-gooders like the Government, and seem to think they have to protect the sheep from the mail, that they might get, but just like the Government, they are way too klutzy to do it right. Ann Dear Margee and Brandon and Ann and a few more who wrote later. Yes, it seems quite well known, that Verizon messes with the email. That seems to be quite common when ISPs get to Government size. Telus, here in Canada, is the same way. They frequently even censor their own OUTgoing invoices! DUH! I had to tell them this spring to send paper invoices. Luckily I send and receive my mail through Webby, but I can't do anything about their own OUTgoing email filtering. For those of you, who don't have a domain of your own, you can always use Gmail, and process it as POP with whatever email program you are familiar and comfortable with. Yes, you CAN continue using Outlook Express! All you do is change the settings for POP server name, SMTP server name, user name and password, AND you can even make it check both your Verizon (or Telus) AND your Gmail account at the same time. Have FUN! DearWebby
There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had never played the game before. Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is "Oh @#$%."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Ice When watering indoor plants, try using ice cubes instead of water. They melt slowly, letting the soil absorb it better. This may not work for all plants, so test first. By Hope from Wilmington, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Trisha walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant." The gentleman groaned, and in obvious pain struggled to his feet and lurched across the room to lean on the the water fountain for support. As Trisha sat down, another lady in the waiting room looked her over and said, "You know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were pregnant. How far along are you?" Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Thanks to Mark for this one: Once I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light, and I don't talk to dumb poles without a light!"

» Flipper Bridge
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Can you use MailWasher on Gmail? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. --- King Edward VIII Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. --- Gordon R. Dickson I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. --- Aristotle
Two men working in a facory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one. "How are you going to do that?" "Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied. "I'm a lightbulb." "I think you need some time off," the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him. "Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted. "I can't work in the dark," he said.
An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brandon Farmer, 24 of Sabina, Ohio Man jumps onto semi as bet, then calls 911 SABINA, Ohio — Police say a man called 911 from the back of a tractor-trailer after he jumped onto the truck as a bet with a drinking buddy, then traveled nearly 17 miles on an Ohio highway. WCMH-TV reports that 24-year-old Brandon Farmer told a Fayette County dispatcher early Friday that it was a stupid idea and that he was "holding on for dear life" on U.S. route 22 near Sabina, about 50 miles southwest of Columbus. The Washington Court House man said he jumped onto the semitrailer as a "joke" when it was stopped at a red light. A Sabina police officer pulled over the truck after spotting Farmer waving and hollering from its ladder. The driver was unaware of the guy, who was too chicken to climb on top and relax. It is windier up there, but the view is much better. Sabina Police Chief Tom Little says charges are unlikely.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lynn RE: Mailwasher on Gmail Dear Webby, Can I use MailWasher on Gmail the same as I used to use it on my ISP based POP email? While overseas I can't use regular email, but I definitely need all the filters in MailWasher. The filters in Gmail are too basic and too limited for what I need. Lynn Dear Lynn Yes, sure you can! You can use MailWasher with any type of Mail, even domain based Squirrel Mail. Just open Mailwasher, Click Tools > Accounts > Add > select POP3 > click OK. Enter a name for your account and click Next. Enter pop.gmail.com in the POP3 server address field. Enter your full Gmail email address in the User Name field. Enter your Gmail password in the Password field. Click Advanced Account Options. Check the box next to This server requires a secure connection (SSL) under Incoming Mail (POP3). The port will change to 995. Keep hitting OK until your are out of the Settings. That is all there is to it. For regular mail at home you don't even need the checkmark for a secure connection. For those of you, who don't have it yet, you can get a free trial of Mailwasher at http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe. After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father?" The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer. That's what they're fighting about."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Breadmaker Tips If you use a bread making machine as I do, here are a few tips that help me. First, once a week I measure out my dry ingredients in large recycled (coffee) jars so I have enough bread mixes to last me a week. (It saves me having to measure out the ingredients every day and cover myself in flour!) I measure out a cup of flour with my measuring 'spoon'. Now here's a great little tip, use the bottom end of a 2 litre empty lemonade/cola bottle to pour the contents in the jar. Cut a washed and dried empty plastic bottle about 4 inches from the bottom with a pair of scissors. Now use this as your scoop. Put a cup of flour inside the scoop then gently squeeze it so the flour just slides into the jar. My bread requires 2 cups of flour but only put a cup of flour in at a time. Now when each of your jars has the flour inside measure out the rest of your ingredients. For my wholemeal loaves; that is 2 x tablespoons of sugar, 2 x tablespoons of dried milk powder and 1 teaspoon of salt. Always put the teaspoon of dried yeast in lastly. For extra vitamins in your bread, I add either poppy seeds or dry-fried sesame seeds I had prepared earlier and put a teaspoon of either or both in the flour mixes. I have also added onion powders for my cheesy bread or any variations of herbs for delicious herby bread. Now for the wet ingredients. I add one cup of warm water to the bread machine's baking tin and 2 x tablespoons of oil. When I add the second tablespoon I drop some on my fingers and I smear the sides of the tin with the oil. Makes the bread easier to remove when baked and cooled. If I want a loaf, now all I do is add the water and oil to the baking tin then drop the contents of one my pre-prepared jars inside, I set the breadmaker then leave it do it's thing! Simple, easy and I'm not covered in flour! I always have good results and my loaves taste divine! That is unless I have forgotten to put the metal paddle inside after washing it, then I get a half cooked half flour dough disaster instead! I hope these tips might help my fellow Thriftyfun bread makers! By MONIQUE63 from Somerset, UK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer. "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$275.' If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $250.' If his eyes still don't flutter, you add 'Each.'" ----------- Btw., did you know that if farmers had the same mark-ups as optometrists, each egg would cost over $100 ?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a real big farm. The second boy said his dad owned a real big factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boys scoffed. "No man can own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night."

» Impursive Buy
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Censoring at Verizon 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 22, 2010

"A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship." --- John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do. --- Socratex
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too)
Nancy came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no Odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Nancy. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week." Next week an upset Nancy marched into Dr.Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Nancy," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Haskell, 18 of Boston, Massachusetts ATM Klutz BOSTON (KABC) -- A thief in Boston will probably think twice before he tries to rob an ATM again. Police say 18-year-old David Haskell went into a Bank of America around 4:45 a.m. Monday, climbed up on top of the ATM, kicked through the drywall ceiling, then dropped himself down inside. It triggered an alarm, and police were on the scene in minutes. At first, officers didn't notice anything wrong, but then they saw the ATM shaking and figured out the thief was stuck inside. "I think they might have been a little bit surprised when the officer looked over the top of the machine and saw somebody staring back at him," said Donald Thompson of Haverhill police. Haskell was scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday on charges of breaking and entering, malicious damage, larceny and drug possession, but he sobbed throughout his court hearing and was believed to be too high on drugs to continue. His court date was postponed until next Tuesday. Haskell's attorney reportedly told the court his client was attempting to rob the ATM in order to pay a drug debt. He remains jailed without bond due to a probation violation from a previous case where he was charged with assaulting, bullying, and criminally harassing a special needs student.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed RE: Censoring at verizon Dear Webby, I haven't been getting your humor letter for over a week. I have been getting Ophelia's. I use Mailwasher and have checked the recycle bin. The letter is not getting to the Verizon server. Verizon is not known for blocking stuff and I've been getting you letter for years without a problem. Is there some reason that you're not sending my letter? Thanks, Ed Dear Ed Your subscription is getting INTO the Verizon server, but it is not getting THROUGH Verizon and to you. You are not the only Verizon victim with that problem. Every now and then, when I write about a malware problem, they block me, until some of their victims complain to them. Then they are OK again for a while. I realize that big companies like Verizon are not easy to deal with, and they usually try to blame everybody else, but you can send them to http://webby.com/humor/no-sub.html and prove to them, that the problem is on THEIR side. They have absolutely NO excuse for blocking your subscription. If you don't get anywhere with Verizon's support, just get a Gmail address and set it to POP. You can get your POP email program to check both your Verizon and your Gmail address, and gradually switch all your important mail over to the Gmail address. You would not want to find out the hard way, that they censored your electrical bill! Have FUN! DearWebby
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Use Choke Chain as a Collar Warning! For those who use a choke chain as a collar on their dogs, please don't. Take them off! Only use choke chains during training sessions, or if necessary, when walking on a leash. We used to have a friend who used a choke chain as a regular collar on her chihuahua mix. She used to bring her dog over to play with my Tibetan Spaniel. One day the dogs were in the yard playing and all of a sudden we heard the worst yelping from both dogs we had ever heard before. We ran out and the two dogs were caught up together and tumbling all over the place trying to get free. My dog's lower jaw was caught in the other dog's choke chain and the more they tumbled the tighter it got. It almost ripped her jaw right off her face, along with almost choking the other dog to death. If it wasn't for another neighbor hearing our screams for help and coming with a strong set of chain cutters, we'd have both lost our dogs that day. Choke chains are fine, but they have their place. And using them for every day collars is extremely dangerous. By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Little Johnny said, "Hey, mom, can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," his mom said. Little Johnny said, "If you do, I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up. She grabbed her purse, handed him a twenty and said, "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Marie, please go into the garden for a bit. One look at your make-up should scare that neighbor's dog enough to shut him up long enough so that I can have a nap in peace and quiet'."

» Cottonwood Trees
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Difference between Web Mail and POP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 21, 2010

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche I like life. It's something to do. --- Ronnie Shakes The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful --- Frederick Locker-Lampson
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load manure back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" "Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under that load of manure, and if you don't get out of my way right now, you will meet my shovel before you meet him!"
Many, many years ago When I was twenty three, I got married to a widow, Pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter With flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. Now my daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up-daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Breeden, 41, Land O'Lakes, Florida Fight over beer LAND O'LAKES — At 8:30 Wednesday night, a 53-year-old man sat in a chair, drinking the last beer in the house. His girlfriend wanted it. Elizabeth Breeden, 41, "went off" on him and tried to tear it out of his hand at his home on McKaig Lane in Land O'Lakes, according to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office. He wouldn't let go. Breeden ripped the Natural Light can in half, spilling the lager on him, his chair and the floor, a report states. The boyfriend stood up. Breeden slapped him in the face. Then she kicked him in the groin, authorities said. Breeden told a deputy that her boyfriend kicked her and threw beer on her, which is why she ripped the can in half. She was arrested and charged with domestic battery. This is her 18th arrest since 1999 — with charges such as possession of cocaine, shoplifting, fraud and failing to appear in court, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. The boyfriend told authorities he started dating Breeden in February and she moved in with him in May. He didn't want to press charges, the report states. As of Thursday, Breeden was being held at the Pasco County jail in lieu of $1,000 bail. The report said Breeden was "extremely intoxicated" and there were "numerous Natural Light beer cans in the trash can."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anna RE: What is POP mail? Dear Webby You keep mentioning POP email. Is that pop-ups or what is it? How does that differ from web mail? Anna Dear Anna POP email is the oldfashioned, standard email, with the email program and the mail residing on your computer. For home users the most popular POP email program is Outlook Express, because it is included with Windows. In Industry, commerce and military, the most popular POP programs are Eudora, Pegasus and Outlook. With a POP email program you can sort your mail into different boxes or folders, and sub folders. For example, you can make a mailbox for Utility Bills, and in that one folders for different years. You don't leave any mail on the server, and sort and file, -or delete, all your mail on your computer. With WebMail, you leave the mail on the server, and most web mail programs don't have the ability to sort mail into different folders beyond IN, SENT, TRASH and SPAM. An exception is Squirrel Mail. Web Mail is designed to "peek" at your mail, while away from your own machine. It does not require you to install an email program. You use an email program that sits on the server, - and pull the mail off the server and sort and file it with your POP email program when you get home or to the office. Because the Web Mail program sits on the server, with thousands of people accessing it at the same time, it has to be very simple and basic. And it has a limit. You can only keep a certain amount of email in your WebMail on the server. The proper way to handle it, is to use a good WebMail like Gmail or Squirrel Mail on your own domain, for peeking while away from your main computer, and a full featured POP email program to pull the mail off the server and process it on your computer. Gmail is good enough for a lot of people. They don't file or keep any mail anyway, and so don't have to worry about the limit on stored email. If you keep some emails, and want to file them into appropriate mailboxes or folders, then you also need a POP email program. Outlook Express, since you already paid for it as part of Windows, is a good start. It is a bit buggy and limited, but it is easy and you alreadypaid for it. My own favorite is Eudora. There is a huge list of other POP email programs on Wikipedia How to set Gmail as POP instead of WebMail How to configure a POP program, like your Outlook Express How to check Gmail with Eudora That one is REALLY easy: POP Server name: pop.gmail.com SMTP Server name: smtp.gmail.com and your regular gmail user name and password. So, if your ISP gives you any guff or censors your email, tell them where to stuff it and use Gmail, with whatever email program you are used to! Have FUN! DearWebby
Nine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Reusable Grocery Bag as a Gift Bag Sustainable, reusable shopping bags, that all stores now offer with their logo, make great and very reasonable gift bags. The grocery bag costs $2.00 or less, decorator gift bags can cost as much as $7.00 to $10.00. The best part is the grocery bag can be reused many more time than paper. The proposed tax on traditional paper or plastic grocery bags makes this gift idea even more economical. Source:My own idea. It started out as a joke with a Good Will bag for my sister's birthday. By bgd48 from WI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For facilities, they had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the water. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why... The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't IN that cherry tree!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"

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Set Gmail to POP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 20, 2010

"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." --- James Thurber
A chemistry professor is demonstrating the properties of various acids for his class. He takes out a penny. "Now I'm going to drop this copper coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No, sir," one student calls out. "No?" asks the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the copper won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because, Prefessor Angus McRae, if it would dissolve in that acid, you would have asked for MY penny!"
A young lady holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says the blonde. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Catherine A Cramer, 25, in Naperville, Illinois Woman charged with DUI, driving 101 mph in 45 mph zone A woman from Naperville's far southwest side faces trial for allegedly driving 101 mph on busy Route 59 while drunk. A July 13 arraignment date has been set in DuPage County Circuit Court in Wheaton for Catherine A. Cremer, 25, of the 1600 block of Dublin Drive in Naperville's River Run neighborhood. Cremer was arrested about 3:52 a.m. June 12 at 103 Tower Court near 103rd Street, police Cmdr. Mike Anders said Friday. A police officer on routine patrol was driving north on Route 59 when he noted Cremer's black, 2006 Honda Element moving "at a high rate of speed" in the southbound lanes near 83rd Street, Anders said. The officer turned his squad car around and began following Cremer. Anders said the officer used his radar equipment and "at one point clocked her at 101 mph" on a section of the road where the posted speed limit is 45 mph. Anders said the officer curbed Cremer's car without incident. She submitted to sobriety tests administered at the scene, he said. Cathy Cremer's "pooah widdle me, so hard done by" mugshot. Nice pout for a 25 year old dopey drunk! Cremer was charged with driving under the influence, speeding 40 or more miles per hour over the posted limit, illegal possession or transportation of liquor, possession of drug paraphernalia, disobeying a traffic control device, failure to yield the right of way while making a left turn and improper lane use, Anders said. She is free on bail pending her court date.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon RE: Gmail Dear Webby It took me quite a bit of playing around with gmail to find out how to forward mail etc from there. i finally did figure it out. Wish I had seen your tip then. It would have saved me a lot of frustration & time. Plus I have gotten it set up to save it to Outlook Express so I can read it offline later. One thing I do not like with their program is trying to get help on things. I have never found a email address to be able to contact them. Seems like I've always had to go thru a forum or ??? Sharon Dear Sharon You got MY email address! Just hit Reply on the Humor Letter. The real trick is not complicating things with forwarding, etc., but to simply set Gmail as POP. Then you can treat it just like an ordinary ISP based email address, and use your normal POP email program, whichever one you are used to. How to set Gmail as POP instead of WebMail < a href="http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answer.py?answer=12103">How to configure a POP program, like your Outlook Express How to check Gmail with Eudora That one is REALLY easy: POP Server name: pop.gmail.com SMTP Server name: smtp.gmail.com and your regular gmail user name and password. So, if your ISP gives you any guff, tell them where to stuff it and use Gmail, with whatever email program you are used to! Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Mary for this story: When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "...Oh, I remember....!!!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Softer Line Dried Clothing If your clothes are stiff when line dried try this. Hang your clothes out in the late evening and leave over night. Bring them in as soon as they are dry in the morning. They will be so soft. By grannygirl from Lexington, N.C. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A few years later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself single again.

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Icon for Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 19, 2010

"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind." --- Socratex
A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list. "Excuse me, ma'am," he said, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman said. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?" The little boy said, "My baby sitter's boyfriend."
The teacher asked Little Johnny to use the words "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence. Little Johnny said, "The rabbit cut across the field and defeat went over defense before detail."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Alejandro Romero, 17 in Austin, Texas Sent in by Teresa Attempted robbery with caulk gun Police have issued an arrest warrant for a man accused of injuring a gas station clerk while attempting to rob him - with a caulk gun. The suspect fled the scene in the company of a transgender prostitute he’d picked up earlier in the evening, according to an affidavit issued by the Travis County Sheriff’s Office. The affidavit says the clerk, Johnnie Limuel, 68, told police that a man dressed in women’s clothing entered the Speedy Stop on and bought a pack of cigarettes and $5 worth of gas at 4 am. Just after he walked out to a red pickup truck at a gas pump, another man — who police later identified as Jose Alejandro Romero, walked into the store with a caulk gun partially visible under a white t-shirt, the affidavit said. The man pointed the caulk gun at Limuel and demanded money. Limuel told police he thought it was a joke when he saw the caulk gun, but the assailant continued to demand money, the affidavit said. Romero struck Limuel with the caulk gun after he could not open the cash drawer, the affidavit said, then Limuel struck back, hitting the man with a plastic trash can. The assailant then fled the store without any money and sped off in the red pickup truck, the affidavit said. The other man, later identified as Kenneth Williams, a transgender prostitute, told police that Romero had picked him up from the street before the attempted robbery, the affidavit said. Williams spent the night driving around with Romero as he got money from several locations including his mobile home to buy and smoke crack, the affidavit said. Romero apparently also tried to rob some immigrants, but because of the late hour, they didn't see any and that did not happen. It was during this time that Williams suggested they stop at a gas station, because he wanted to buy cigarettes, the affidavit said. Police confirmed Romero’s identity yesterday when they visited his mobile home where his mother also lives, the affidavit said. Police have not arrested Romero, who has been charged with aggravated robbery. However, they got his red truck and the caulking gun.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob RE: Icon for Gmail Hi Webby, I downloaded gmail and like it, however I do have two problems: 1- I tried to set a ICON on my desktop by right clicking all over the gmail page we no success. Is it possible to set an ICON on the desk top and if so HOW? 2- I tried to forward an email to a friend and could not locate a forward button on the email page. Searched the settings and come up with the need for a confirmation code before I can forward. This is OK when I want to forward to one email address but I am unwilling to go through this process when a have to send an email to several addresses. Now I send all forwards to me at my Outlook Express email so I can then send it to many addresses. Any suggestions. Bob Daily Voter Dear Bob 1- Go to gmail drag the tiny icon from the left of the browser address bar onto an empty corner of the desktop. 2- Forwarding is usually in a pull-down of the REPLY button. I have never seen a call for a confirmation code in there. Keep in mind that Gmail is a Webmail, and as such is very basic. It is from ground up designed for peeking, and leaving stuff on the server, until you get back to your main machine, where you have a full featured POP program. You CAN set gmail to POP, and handle it with a full featured professional POP program like Eudora or Pegasus or Outlook, or a "Lite" POP program like Outlook Depressed. Check the Gmail help how to do that, once you have installed one of those POP programs. Have FUN! DearWebby
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Less Than the Recommended Laundry Detergent I've been reading the comments from the ThriftyFun community. Many of us have had problems due to the new liquid laundry detergents, with there being an excessive amount of soap left in the final rinse cycle. Don't bother to follow the manufacturer's instructions since they want you to use more than what is really necessary to get your clothes clean. The faster you finish the bottle, the more you have to purchase. The detergent companies are not stupid, they want your money and want it fast. I experimented with a number of my wash loads and have discovered for myself that 4 tablespoons equivalent to 1/4 cup of liquid laundry detergent is what you will need for one wash load, no matter if the wash load is small or large. Repeatedly I checked the rinse cycle and there was no soap left in sight, just rinse water. Try it yourself! By MCW from Lewiston, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an abdominal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, if not a psychopsymatic phase, spoke to the doctor about it. "Don't worry about a thing." the doctor told the nurse, looking somewhat amused. "He really does have a bump on his head... The operation took longer than planned, and about halfway through it we ran out of anesthetic, so Miss Beasley gonged him with a bedpan."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Well," says the co-worker, "we all know that, that's why everybody want's to play against you!"

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Restoring your choice of Search Engine in FireFox 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 18, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. --- Groucho Marx The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. --- Dudley Moore Yeah, I noticed:
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four- year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then said to her, "Uh-oh ... I know what *you've* been doing."
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The women just won't leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the left." And so on. After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car anyway? You or your mother?"
Thanks to Martin for this picture: Redneck Tub
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeremy Scheuch, Chicago Sent in by Deeli Most boneheaded tattoo ever! Yes, that is former Governor Rod Blagojevich. And a Chicago style hot dog...and some sausage pizza. Jeremy Scheuch, an absurd "artist" in Chicago, who apparently will do anything for publicity, sent some photos of himself with his new tattoo to the media. He got the tattoo last night--just after opening statements wrapped up in the Blagojevich corruption trial.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank RE: Restore Google as default search engine Webby I use Firefox as my browser and recently when I search for something I've noticed that Yahoo search comes up when it use to be Google. I try to be careful not to accept any changes. What may have happened and how do I go back to Google? Thanks Frank Dear Frank Find the search box in the upper right-hand side of your browser. Click the search engine icon in the search box. In many versions you got a tiny pull-down arrow. Pull it down. Select Google from the list. That's all there is to it. I know, the thilly yahoos like to mess with that, but at least it is easy to get back to the search engine of your choice. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Styrofoam Peanuts in Bottom of Hanging Baskets When planting hanging baskets, put Styrofoam peanuts in the bottom instead of stones. The plants do not stand in water and the baskets will not be so heavy. By soochatty from Middletown, DE http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you need some weight in the bottom for stability, but want less weight than stones, try brick and coal. That is what my dad uses. They allow the water to drain but retain some "emergency" moisture, and a hand full of it thrown over top of the dirt makes a nice, clean, colorful finish. He buys the brick chips at a garden supply store and occasionally buys a bag of forge coal from an artist supply store. However, if he sees some black or dark volcanic rock on his hiking and has space in his pack, he fills it up. Dark volcanic rock is very porous and very light too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Mom, you're 85 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo to impress anybody!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Best web page program for beginner? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 17, 2010


It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to put out on the troubled sea of thought. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a politician were debating who was the world's first professional. The Doctor said "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman? "No," said the rabbi. "It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world. "Wait," said the engineer. "The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized and reasonably civilized place from utter chaos?" "Yes, but who created the chaos?" asked the politician...
Police was dispatched to an Ohio college campus this week to break up a fight involving two group of students, about 35 students total were involved. A group of black students saw what they thought were members of the KKK white supremacist organization parading around the campus. They took offense and proceeded to yell and throw empty bottles at them. A fight followed. It turned out that they were members of a campus theater class, that were promoting a play and were dressed as the Pope and his entourage of Cardinals. That'll teach people not to wear "evil" costumes!
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Large Cropped-Large
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sammy Abdin, 28 of Louisville Stolen laptop found via Social Media LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WDRB Fox 41) -- Police say they recovered a stolen laptop -- and they used social media like Facebook and MySpace to do it. 28-year-old Sammy Abdin of Louisville has been arrested after police say he was in possession of a laptop -- valued at roughly $1,500 -- that had been stolen from Norton Hospital. Special computer tracking software, called LoJack Computrace, had been used to determine that someone had been using the stolen computer. Police reports say Abdin had been tracked via the software for at least two months. Police were able to get a positive ID on Abdin via images of himself that he had uploaded to social media pages, such as Facebook or MySpace. Police knocked on his door in the 9900 block of Winged Foot Drive late Monday night and told him they wanted the computer back. Adbin admitted that he had the computer and surrendered it to an officer, who was able to match the serial numbers to the missing laptop. Abdin is charged with receipt of stolen property. --------- Usually computers are tracked a lot quicker than that. They may have delayed the arrest to see if it was being passed around, or if there was an organized ring involved, and of course hoping that Sammy would spill beans about others.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maryann RE: Best web page program for beginner? Dear Webby What is the best affordable web page creating program for beginners, who don't have a clue? Dear Maryann Stay away from programs that claim you don't need to know any HTML. Those are idiot-bait. They keep you from learning and keep you depending on that program, and effectively paint you into a corner, where you are hostage to it. Just go to the Free HTML Course in the left side menu, amd use NotPad, NoteMaid, or any free text editor. HTML is actually very simple and easy. Learn the basics with that free course and just start goofing around. Once you are comfortable with the basics and know the vocabulary, then you can use any program to do the same thing faster. Then you know what can be done and what it is called. Eventually you should aim for a comprehensive web design program like DreamWeaver. If you have too much money, get the current version. If you are smart, check eBay for older versions, that somebody tried without first learning the basics. If you don't know the basics, that program is totally overwhelming, and totally useless. So people sell it cheap. Just like with Chevys, or like with Paint Shop Pro, certain older versions are actually better than the current model. For example, I can, and have used 4, 6, 8, 10, CS3, and CS5, but when I have a choice, I use DreamWeaver 6. DreamWewaver CS5 is $400, but I have frequently seen version 6 on eBay for $20. DreamWeaver is pretty well the standard for professionals, because it is really easy to maintain and update hundreds of different sites with it. For you that means there is lots of knowledgeable help around all over the place, which you wouldn't get with an odd-ball fad program. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man walks up the counter and says, "I'll have 2 pounds of Tofu." The man at the counter says, "Oh, you must be from California." The man responds, "How stereotypical! If I had ordered Pepperoni would you think I was Italian?" "No." answers the man at the counter. And besides, pepperoni is more Sicilian than Italian. "If I had ordered Wienerschnitzel would you have thought I was German," he asks. "No." says the man behind the counter, "and besides, Wiener Schnitzel are from Wien, the capital of Austria." "Then why," he asks, "would you think I was from California, just because I want 2 pounds of tofu ???" The man looks up from the counter and says, "'Cause you're in a hardware store."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Pillow Out of a Favorite T-Shirt Recycling that favorite t-shirt. Do you have a t-shirt you just can't seem to give up but it has some stains or tears? Well, make it into a pillow. First cut the design or pattern from the front of the shirt into a square, then sew material that coordinates with shirt, around the center. When you have the size you prefer. Take the back of t-shirt if in good condition and make the back of the pillow, sew together and stuff. Now you have a new favorite pillow By Beesplace from Indiana PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid- afternoon, she worried about her five-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks from kindergartenl to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed. Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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» 50 Bugs
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Can you make money on the net without a site? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. --- Mark Twain As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible
Over the cover of a women's magazine, a title caught her eye: "Men's Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." She decided to get a first hand account. "What's your innermost fear about my working?" she asked her husband. "That you'll quit," he promptly replied.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before. All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty. One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need when I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Large Bridge in China
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a woman in Calgary, Alberta Bimbo blabs about her crime CALGARY -- It had all the makings of a perfect crime. The culprits hid their valuables, from jewelry to electronics, smashed windows and even made faux bad-guy footprints before calling police. Unfortunately, for those who hoped to foil authorities, Const. Charanjit Meharu was among those to arrive at the alleged break-and-enter scene. When the purported victim, who was hysterical and saying she had lost everything and had a list of what was missing for cops, took a call from her father in Quebec telling him what happened in French, the carefully crafted ploy unraveled. “She was telling him she and her boyfriend made up the story to make an insurance claim,” Meharu says. “By the end, I had about 10 pages of notes and I said, ‘Merci beaucoup.’ “She didn’t expect a brown guy to speak French.” That woman was charged with mischief. French is just one of seven languages the 37-year-old constable speaks — along with English, Punjabi, Hindi, Urdu, Arabic and Gujarati.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Billie RE: Can you make money on the net without a site? Dear Webby I am about ready to get serious about making money on the net. Between the cost of commuting and babysitters, it's costing me to go to work! I got this email that told me I can make money on the net without even having a site. Is that realistic? Billie Dear Billie You definitely can LOOSE money on the net, if you believe in stuff like that. Sure, you could sell other people's stuff, or try to, same as a Million other people. But how are you going to get potential buyers to YOUR order form? Forget about all those gimmicky programs for now. They may work some day, when you got a shelf to put them on. Same as with a brick and mortar business downtown, FIRST you got to set up a business. You need a site, and not be scared to mess with it. You need a PayPal account, so that you can accept money. Getting the PayPal account is easy, but to put a PayPal button on your site, that requires studying the instructions and some messing about. The biggest problem with PayPal buttons is that they are a LOT simpler to install than you expect. Once you got the hang of them, they are fast and easy, but your first one will probably take an evening of cussing, or some help. Then you need traffic. Without traffic, absolutely nothing happens. You can pay for traffic, but that will just cost you a lot more money than you got, and most likely not generate any income at all. The most time and cost effective way to generate traffic is still Internet postcards. Just put up a bunch of postcards that would appeal to the type of people that you want to attract. If you want to sell kitchen gadgets, don't use car racing pictures for your cards. Next you need to work on credibility.Why should people buy from YOU, and not from somebody else? Here again the postcards will help you. When people spot a neat gadget or download in your side menu, while they are grinning or smiling after getting or sending a cute card, you are miles ahead of a competitor, who just got a boring catalog. Once you have a site, a bit of basic experience with it, traffic and credibility, THEN you can add those gimmicks. To get a site, you can spend a season trying to find the absolute cheapest hosting, and then start arguing with auto-responders. Or you can pay slightly more and get full service with live support. At least for your first year or two, I would recommend that you get the type of full service that we provide at Webby At only $4.05 a month, with the first site design thrown in, so that you can edit and play instead of starting from scratch, there is not really any reason not to start laying the foundation for solid and permanent income. Have FUN! DearWebby

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simplify Your Menu Planning This is so simple. Maybe most of you are already doing this, but I just thought of it a couple of weeks ago. I tell my family I don't mind cooking or cleaning up but I hate trying to figure out what to cook. I got index cards, and wrote out a menu on each card including beverage and dessert. In the top right corner I labeled them "Chicken, Beef and Pork". On the top left corner, I put a large "O" if this was an oven dish. In the menu itself I listed a couple of veggies, so I was offered a choice. In the evening after dinner dishes are done, I flip through my cards to see if I need to thaw a roast, or start beans soaking. I'm not limited to those menus but it's so nice to have the help when I need it and to know ahead of time what I'm going to cook without having to think! By glenn'smom from Oregon http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, yellow and red sign. I didn't realize that somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'SHELL' sign.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Little Johnny came home from a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Johnny's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Johnny. "I only asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe, so you could make a cake just like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me having to ask for them."

» Birth of an Ocean Island
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Charter Net mail irregularities 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 15, 2010


To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. --- Farmers' Almanac, 1978 Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. ---Benjamin Franklin
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"
On a Monday the teacher asked Little Johnny what he did over the weekend. He said, "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher said, "Good, can you spell that for the class?" Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "Just kidding, we went to Ohio."
Thaks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clive and Kelvin Webster in North Devon, England Too round for burglary CANVAS STAFF REPORTS) - Two British brothers were nabbed for burglary when one of the rotund robbers got stuck trying to break into a department store through a tiny hole in the wall, according to reports. UK police arrested Clive and Kelvin Webster after older brother Clive got himself stuck trying to fit his 238-pound frame through a 2-foot hole in the side of a department store, the North Devon Journal reported. Clive had used a screwdriver, a crowbar and a hammer to knock the small hole though the side wall of the store in what his own defensive attorney later called "a wholly incompetent attempt at a burglary," reported SWNS.com. The hole was just six feet away from the burglar alarm. Clive's noisy attempts to free himself from the wall resulted in a 1 a.m. emergency call to police. Officers soon found Clive, 30, and his younger brother Kelvin, 25, hiding behind a nearby wall. A ladder was found leaning against the wall leading to the hole. Officers say Clive was "covered" in brick dust from his fruitless attempts to force his way into the store and out of the hole. Defense attorneys later claimed both brothers suffered from mental health problems, and had attempted the break-in to provide financial support for Clive Webster's five children, the North Devon Journal reported.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dave RE: Charter.net mail problems Dear Webby Help! How do I get your letter to resume? It was arriving sporadically, now it's quit completely. I know you send it to me, but who or what is stopping it? Any suggestions as to why this has happened? It has been white listed in Mailwasher but does not reach there now. Who should I complain to? Dave Dear Dave You are not the only victim of Charter.net who has problems with subscriptions. You have to contact Charter.net support and tell them to white-list webby.com at their end. You can send them to http://webby.com/humor/no-sub.html and show them, that they have absolutely NO legitimate excuse for blocking the Humor Letter. If necessary, threaten them with blocking THEIR invoices and going to an ISP, who can reliably deliver the mail. Have FUN! DearWebby
A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Your Soap Dish Clean Prevent having to clean soapy scum from the soap dish or at the sink by placing a thin sponge in the dish or sink indention to lay the soap on. The sponge catches the scum, leaving underneath relatively clean. It also does double duty because you then have an already soaped sponge to use for some utility duty. By Trace from Wartburg, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man yelled to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my little ducks!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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An elderly lady is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too." The elderly matron says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one also. The lady says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water." "Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" The 80 year old replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

» San Diego Zoo
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Solar Panel Rotator 



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Good Morning, HTML-START !
It's Monday, June 14, 2010



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. --- Mark Twain A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. --- George Bernard Shaw The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"
My mother knew of a lady who wanted a picture touched up of her late husband. She asked the photographer to take the hat off her husband's head in the picture, as well. He asked her, on her way out the door, what side her husband parted his hair on. She thought for a minute, and then said that she didn't remember, but he'd find out when he took the hat off.
Thanks to Guinn for a picture of his visitor: Large
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Audrey Scott, 57, of Alliance, Ohio Busted for selling pot on craigslist ALLIANCE, Ohio (AP) - An Ohio woman spent three days in jail for calling the 911 emergency line five times seeking a husband. The dispatcher was flabbergasted by the requests and asked Audrey Scott, of Alliance, "You need to get a husband?" The 57-year-old Scott responded, "Yes." Told that she could face arrest for misusing 911, Scott responded, "Let's do it." Scott was convicted last week of improper use of the 911 system and was sentenced to the three days in jail, which she had already served since her arrest. Seven other days were suspended if she stays out of trouble for a year. After her release, Scott blamed the case on alcohol.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Andy RE: Solar panel rotator Dear Webby You used to run a house on solar in the Yukon. How important is a rotator for solar panels? Some people say they are not worth the effort and panels fixed to the roof are good enough. I have my doubts, so I figured I ask somebody with actual experience, not just armchair eggspurts who never actually owned any panels. Andy Dear Andy A rotator makes the difference between show panels and panels that actually pay for themselves, if you are OFF the grid. If you are on the grid, you need big grants and subsidies for panels to break even. If you are off the electrical grid, you definitely need a rotator. Otherwise, if it is cloudy during the two hours when the panels face the sun, your freezer will thaw out. Put your panels onto a long duct or box. That way they have the same wind resitance, no matter which way they are pointed. Turn the duct on it's axis with the hourly position of the sun, and tilt the duct with the seasonal positions. The seasonal position is not understood by the goofs, that you call "eggspurts". They can't seem to get it into their pinheads, that in summer the sun goes over north of the zenith, and that in summer the end of the panels, that is at the top in winter, has to be BELOW level. You have to rig it so that the axis tilts from nearly straight up and down in winter, to less than level in summer. It's easy enough to do if you plan it that way from the start, but almost impossible if you try to add that feature later. The seasonal adjustment is only 4-5 times a year and can be manual. For the axial turning I used a tricky arrangement using parts from an old truck, -that was in the 70's and is still running-, but nowadays you can use a stepper motor and simple electronic controls. Simply turn the panles 7.5 degrees every half hour. Every leap year sync it again with the sun. By the way, the brake slack adjusters on many trucks are perfect 24:1 worm gear drives and will last forever. Half a turn on the input will result in a precise 7.5 degree turn on the output. You can let the panels turn at night too. It makes no difference. When the sun rises, they will be facing it. That is a lot simpler than returning and re-syncing. You can get that half turn from a pulsed windshield wiper motor. Have FUN! DearWebby
A sergeant in a parachute regiment regularly took part in night-time exercises. One night he was seated next to a lieutenant, fresh from Jump School. He was quiet, sad, and looked a bit pale, so the sergeant struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant?", he asked. "No, just a bit apprehensive," said the lieutenant. The sergeant asked, "What's the difference?" The Lieutenant replied, "That means I'm too chicken to admit that I am scared!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinyl Blinds for Plant Markers I take an old plastic mini-blind and cut the string to remove slats off the string. Then take 3 slats at a time stacked and flush, start your first cut at the hole for the strings, use that as a size guide cutting down the slat, using up the slat. Then put a point on one end. I have plant markers that look all the same and almost look store purchased. I use a paint pen, because Sharpie ink does not last outside. Caution! You will have TONS of plant or row markers with this project. Source: Just came to me filling a need for lots of markers and wanting to reuse. By Chuck J from Mason, MI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I use a Nissen Super Fine Metal Marker for that. They are actually made for machinists and welders, but I use them for anything that has to be weather and wear proof. You can get them at better welding supply stores or directly from http://nissenmarker.com Here is a link to the ones I use:http://snipurl.com/metalmarker have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn't been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer. The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone message from the customer who said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

» Montreal Botanical Gardens
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Is a Laser Printer a good deal? 



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It's Sunday, June 13, 2010



Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. --- Ken Hakuta "The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream." --- Harry Kemp
A group Winnebago drivers on route from to Florida to Canada for the summer were sitting in a truck stop. To blend in with the truckers, they had to complain about something, so they were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it."
I was about 5 when I saw my first Magic Tap at some trade fair. The big meanies there refused to tell me how it worked. It took me the rest of the summer to figure it out and build one. OK, I'll tell you the secret: That the water goes up in a pipe inside the downward stream is easy enough. But that does not completely hide the pipe. I used a piece of old garden hose for the feed and burned a pinhole leak in it a bit bigger, so that I could stick the insulation from electrical wire into it for a few inches, at an angle in the direction of the flow. Then I used a rock to pinch the hose a bit just upstream from where the insulation ended. That way it sucked air through the insulation sleeve, much like a carburator sucks gasoline. That put enough air into the water, so that you could not see the copper pipe, that I had feeding the water up to the tap. It worked great, as long as nobody touched my precision adjustment rock. Eventually I carved a "V" notch into a piece of wood and used that for my adjuster. It sure baffled a lot of grown-ups!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jacob Walker, 20, in Gilbert, Arizona Busted for selling pot on craigslist GILBERT, Ariz. -- Police officers arrested a 20-year-old Gilbert man who allegedly tried to trade marijuana and an iPod for an iPad. According to the Gilbert Police Department, Jacob Walker posted an advertisement on Craigslist.com indicating that he wanted to trade an Apple iPod Touch and marijuana for an Apple iPad. He included pictures of both in his ad. Gilbert police Sgt. Mark Marino said detectives replied to Walker's posting and set up a meeting for Wednesday at Val Vista and Warner roads. Marino said Walker arrived at the location with the items and presented the marijuana to an undercover detective. Walker and another man, Joseph Velarde, 20, of Gilbert were arrested by police officers.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex RE: Laser printer Dear Webby You mentioned that Dell Laser printer quite favorably. I checked downtown for something similar, to save on the shipping. Good thing I did! The salesman at one place clued me in that even though that the reason thatprinter is a quarter the price of their lasers, is so that they can get you with the toner. Toner for that Dell 1320c is over $60! I can get inkjet cartridges for under $20! Alex Dear Alex Sounds like you got took with the old Apples & Oranges trick. Those under $20 inkjet cartridges print 12 -20 page size photograph quality prints, the toner cartridges are good for thousands of pages. That is why you see lasers instead of inkjets at any business, where they keep track of their costs. If you print less than 100 pages per month, and somehow manage to keep the cartridge jets from drying out and dying prematurely, then an inkjet is a better deal for you. However, if you priont 200 pages or more per month, then your cost per page is a lot less with a laser printer. The laser printers themselves also last a lot longer. That applies to all laser printers. The 1320c is simply the most cost effective color laser that I could find. Have FUN! DearWebby
"How did you lose your job at the dress shop?" a woman asked her friend. "Well, after trying on about 25 dresses, the customer said to me, 'I think I would look nicer in something flowing' . . . and I suggested the Mississippi."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Children's Chore Cards We made chore cards. I listed the chore, and they decorated the front. On the back we described the chore (so doing the dishes didn't mean wash the cups and you're done). We included feeding and watering animals, making dessert, vacuuming, taking out garbage, etc. We also had a free card. We then laminated them. This way the kids understood what each chore was, and there were some fun stuff too. We made enough cards so each child had three chores. When the chore was done, they returned it to a container and then we knew the chore was done. You can then reward them for doing chores and not having to remind them. It was fun everyday to gather around and pass them out like a deck of cards. By Honna from New London, WI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When Liz went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended to Liz's daughter to apply early to improve her chances for admission. She said,"We get so many applicants because of the stature and reputation of the school." After the tour Liz asked their guide, "Why did you choose this school?" She said, "Oh, because my boyfriend lives just a block from here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station. When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."

» Bordeaux Bridges
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Well, HTML-START, that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Not defending Windows 7 any longer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 12, 2010


We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. --- Dan Quayle Remember that, as a teenager, you are in the last stage of your life in which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. --- Fran Lebowitz "If you have to write your ethical rules down, it's already too late" --- Tom Clancy as Jack Ryan
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. "My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until Happy Hour."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: London, England parking challenges
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vaughn Ray Jones Jr., 28, in Oklahoma City Man Arrested After Putting Pot in Courthouse Security Tray OKLAHOMA CITY -- A man was arrested after placing pot in the security tray at a courthouse checkpoint. Cleveland County Deputies Steve Lucas and Jacob Wheeler said when Vaughn Ray Jones Jr. first went through the courthouse security checkpoint on Tuesday he put his belongings in a tray, including a bag of marijuana. When the deputies tried to arrest the 28-year-old, he ran off and got away. But on Wednesday, Jones returned at almost the same time to the checkpoint. This time Jones was wearing a hat in an apparent attempt at disguise. Deputies handcuffed Jones and took him into custody. Jones has several felony convictions in his past.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dinah RE: Not defending Windows 7 any longer Dear Webby Remember I bitched that you shouldn't be complaining about Windows7 and just get used to it? I want to take that back and apologize. I managed to sell my computer to my Mother In Law, for three times the amount, that it cost me to order the one, that you recommended to Bonnie. Now I don't have to defend W7 any longer. By the way, do you get a commission from Dell? You should! Thanks! Dinah Dear Dinah Good for you! No, I don't get a commission from Dell, or anything, that I don't have to pay for exactly the same as you do. Have FUN! DearWebby
Church bulletin board bloopers: This afternoon there will be meetings in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up a Kid Friendly Guest Room We rarely have overnight guests so I don't keep a guest room set up. But we have an 11 year old coming for the weekend soon with her grandfather. They will be staying in a hotel but the weatherman says it'll be raining and storming all weekend so she won't be able to go outside and play with my dogs like I had planned for her. Being 11, she won't be wanting to spend all her time with the grownups! So I set up a room for her. I broke down my craft room (took me all of 15 minutes to move my stuff into the other room) and took 2 single size air mattresses and stacked them on top of each other after blowing them up. I put a couple of pillows on it, and it's just like a couch in there now. I also went through our DVD collection and pulled out all the ones that are appropriate for her age and put them in there, along with a lot of different CD's and a portable CD player. I set up a TV and DVD player too. Now she'll have someplace that her and the dogs can go and get away from the adults and she can watch whatever movies or programs she wants or listen to whatever CD's she wants. And she can be comfortable too. Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter marked "Private, for George only" came for you this morning." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the PS," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.' "

» Sky Above Us
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Business Class computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 11, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. --- Henry Kissinger
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The doctor grabbed his stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly he noticed that the not pregnant lady had a broken arm, and that that there were several cabs, and that he was in the wrong one.
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Thomas Peno, 51, Hebron, Connecticut 40th arrest for Habitual Crook A Hebron man who was at Rockville Superior Court Wednesday to answer a larceny charge for stealing a GPS unit then trying to sell it back to its owner decided to use a court recess to buy a bottle of Vodka, drink the entire bottle in front of the courthouse, then break into cars parked in front of the courthouse, police said. Among the items that police said Thomas Peno, 51, of Wellswood Road, took from unlocked cars were a cell phone and keys. When Peno returned to court, judicial marshals took him into custody for being drunk and disorderly, police said. They then realized he matched the description of the man who was seen breaking into cars. About the same time, one of the car burglary victims walked into the courthouse and said someone broke into his car. At that point, Peno made a dash for the front door and knocked down several people, police said. Marshals stopped Peno and held him for police. When police led him out, Peno screamed at people in the courthouse and out front. Wednesday's arrest was Peno's 40th, police said. Peno is to be arraigned today on burglary, larceny and breach of peace charges. He was held on $20,000 bail. "He'll be going back to court [today] and won't have the opportunity to break into any cars," police Lt. Mel Hardy said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie RE: Business class computer Hey Webby; Read your letter daily--have received many tips from you. I don't have a problem at this time except for wanting to buy a new computer. I have a Dell Vostro laptop that I love. I need a new desktop though as mine is getting quite ancient-- it is also a Dell but not a Vostro--how bad is Windows 7? I haven't heard any good things about it but I do need a new computer--do I have any choices at all? Can I still get a "downgrade" to XP? Can I get it from Dell or do I need to go somewhere else to have it installed? In a quandry..... Bonnie Dear Bonnie Your Dell Vostro laptop shows that you are not a sheep! yes, you CAN get Dell Vostro (Business Class) desktops. For example the Vostro 230 Mini Tower for $399 Select Windows 7 Professional with the XP option and XP installed instead of W7. Don't get W7 - XP mode, that is not real XP. Because XP is in much higher demand and they can get away with it, they charge you $70 more for XP than for Windows7, but it is well worth it. It doesn't cost them any more, but since people are willing to pay the $70 XP surcharge, they take advantage of you and are charging it. It is still cheaper, though, than buying XP at Tiger and installing it yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby
The owner of a manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Next morning morning, he came in with a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and taped it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip at http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!"

» Gardens, Tiny and Tall
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Color laser printer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 9, 2010


I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. --- Harry S Truman By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates
"I just hope it's not Alzheimer's," confessed the gentleman to his doctor. "Maybe there's some kind of memory medicine you can give me. See, I'm getting terribly forgetful; I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" he asked glumly. "Pay me in advance," the doctor promptly suggested.
A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." "Well, to tell you the real truth," the host whispered, " I've forgotten her name."
Large For all those, who asked for close-ups of the night blooming Selenicereus grandiflorus yesterday, they are on http://dawna.com And yes, 11 blossoms open in one night is indeed exceptional, but you saw the picture!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Katrina Wade, 37 Busted for selling dope in prison JUNE 1-- After Katrina Wade, a Florida woman was arrested last month for drug trafficking, an acquaintance told cops that Wade was hiding up to 100 baggies of heroin inside her vagina. However, after a strip search failed to turn up any contraband --and a "body cavity search was denied by the jail"-- Wade allegedly continued dealing behind bars, trading nickel bags fished from her vagina for commissary items like deodorant, hair grease, and a radio. Wade's jailhouse dealing ended last Wednesday, after four fellow Charlotte County inmates told investigators about her scheme. When confronted by investigators--who said they were prepared to examine Wade with an ultrasound device-- the inmate "admitted that she did have heroin in her vagina," according to the probable cause affidavit. With a blanket covering the lower part of her body, Wade then removed a "clear plastic bag that contained 12 small green plastic bags" of heroin. Wade admitted that she "had more originally, but used some herself along with her co-defendants while in the holding cell." Wade, who claimed that she turned over the smack to clear her conscience, was charged with two felonies and a misdemeanor for the jailhouse racket.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brigitte RE: Color laser Dear Webby A few years ago you mentioned a color laser printer, that you were quite happy with. Is that still so? Or did you have to get a diferent printer since then? Is that printer available in Europe too, or would I have to order it from Canada? Oh, and what was the name of the printer? Thanks Brigitte Dear Brigitte That is a Dell 1320c, and I am still quite happy with it. It is fast, quiet, never jams, and prints as well as the paper allows. For high gloss photo prints you need high gloss paper, but that is to be expected. You can also select to print in B/W toner saving mode, and get a less crisp result, but that is more than good enough for receipts and invoices. It IS available in Europe with the same name, and costs $185 Euros. Since it works so well and reliably, you don't really have to spend extra on extending the warranty. The price might seem high, but when you consider that it easily outlasts 5 cheap $60 printers, it is a bargain. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." The second guy says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Dishes Directly Into Soapy Water While Cooking This is something my mother taught me. I always keep a sink of soapy, hot water ready whenever I am cooking. I am constantly cleaning while I am cooking. By the time I am ready to serve dinner, I only have a few dishes to clean. This also helps with spills and splatters. Source: My mother By Jetruth from Waterloo, IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?" "98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . . Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A missionary discovered a tribe of Indians who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"

» Stain Solutions
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Can I use a camera as a scanner? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --- Tom Lehrer Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals....." His grandson said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." And Grampa said, "Ah, but you were too young then, to know the whole horrible truth!"
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam rather disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were two of the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hotel while we were on vacation."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Seleni-Cereus-Grandiflorus at 4 am
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ermec Antonio Avalos, 25,San Jose, California Bank robber's public transit getaway fails SAN JOSE, Calif. (UPI) -- A San Jose, Calif., bank robber, eschewing a getaway car, went "green" and tried to flee the scene of the crime using light rail, police say. Police said Ermec Antonio Avalos, 25, entered the 100 block of South Market Street branch of Wells Fargo Bank about 1 p.m. Tuesday and, after giving a teller a note saying he wanted money and he had a gun, ran off with an undisclosed amount of cash, the San Jose Mercury News reported. He didn't have a getaway car, so he boarded a northbound train and sat back in comfort -- until police met him at the next stop, where they took him into custody and retrieved the money. No weapon was found. "It's not something I've heard of before," police spokesman Dirk Parsons said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ada RE: Can I use a camera as a scanner? Dear Webby I need to scan a whole bunch of lare pages for a project, but don't have a scanner, and don't know if I could even get one that large. Can I use my Canon digital camera instead? Ada Dear Ada Yes, you sure can! Take an old chair or make an upside down "U" with some pieces of shelving, glue or screw an angle bracket or short 2" x 2" piece of wood with a 1/4" hole through it, and use a 1/4" x 20 bolt to go through the bracket or wood into the tripod bolt hole in the bottom of the camera. Canon has software for most of their cameras, so that you can connect it to the computer and then use the monitor of the computer as your view finder. You can then adjust the camera from the keyboard, and even click it with the mouse. For a large number of scans, I actually prefer that method and did a few hundred pages that way one evening in 98. Have FUN! DearWebby
I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Dad, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Dishes Directly Into Soapy Water While Cooking This is something my mother taught me. I always keep a sink of soapy, hot water ready whenever I am cooking. I am constantly cleaning while I am cooking. By the time I am ready to serve dinner, I only have a few dishes to clean. This also helps with spills and splatters. Source: My mother By Jetruth from Waterloo, IA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when the veterinarian interrupted him, saying, "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked him up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to him and said, "There you are. Of course, if *that* doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said. "It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

» Funny Videos
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Comcast mail not showing pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 7, 2010


There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly. --- Terance
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?"
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Viola Heineman, 81, in Cape Coral, Florida Senior Stalker Viola Elizabeth Heineman gives new meaning to the concept of angry old women. She lives in Cape Coral, Florida, and for some reason really, really doesn't like her 85-year-old neighbor or the woman's gay son. So she likes to call them up an harass them. A lot... Police say the 81-year-old Heineman made nine calls to the elderly neighbor, and they got increasingly abusive as they went along. She accused the 85-year-old woman of being a whore and "lifting her legs for any man out there." She also had some choice and vulgar things to say about the gay son, who we can assume is well into middle age, and possibly not even gay at all. How a woman that old can be a whore, we're not sure. But as you will see, Heineman is not exactly the reasonable type. So police, not inclined to arrest an 81-year-old woman, went to her house with a victim's advocate, hoping to get Heineman to knock it off. But as the advocate was explaining how the stalking was very uncool, Heineman got up and left the room. The advocate tried to talk to her again in another room. But Heineman didn't want to hear it. She also denied making the calls, even though some were recorded on an answering machine. Then, just to show her displeasure over police interrupting her daily viewing of "The Price is Right", she raised her cane and threatened the advocate. "I'm going to hit you with this," she said. At this point police figured they didn't have much choice. Heineman's cane was confiscated, and she was arrested for stalking.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diane RE: Blank Squares in Comcast mail the squares are blank. there’s nothing inside to read. what’s wrong the last few days? diane Dear Diane That is your Comcast mail. Check with Comcast support and get them to step you through the settings. Somehow you or somebody turned off the display of images. They show up quite fine in what you forwarded to me. So, they ARE there. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Used Tea Bags Use Credit Cards for Cleaning I keep outdated credit cards or other laminated cards at my kitchen sink. Whenever I have something which sticks on the bottom of the Teflon pan and does not come off easily, I use the old laminated card. It does not scratch the Teflon and in most cases cleans the pan like a charm. By Bellevillelady from Belleville, Ontario, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this here cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"

» Gulf Oil Spill
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Gmail not showing images 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 6, 2010


Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --- Scottish Proverb He who seeks a friend without fault remains without. --- Old Proverb
A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "but it sure gets awfully crowded in there!"
Thanks to Rob for this story: I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM."
Thanks to Pauline for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two teenagers in Eddington, Maine Flaunting HOLDEN, Maine — Two teenage girls may have learned a tough but valuable lesson Sunday. If you’re going to have marijuana in your bra and drug paraphernalia in your car, don’t wear a marijuana T-shirt while speeding. A car driven by a 16-year-old Eddington resident was stopped about 11 a.m. Sunday for driving 59 mph in a 35 mph zone, according to Holden police Officer Christopher Greeley. She was wearing a T-shirt sporting a picture of a large marijuana leaf, and a plastic marijuana-shaped leaf was attached to her key chain, Greeley said Sunday afternoon. Rolling papers and a pipe were found in the car. The driver was summoned for speeding and possession of drug paraphernalia. Her passenger, a 17-year-old from Carmel, had a small amount of marijuana concealed in her bra, Greeley said, and a switchblade knife in her backpack. There also was a picture of a marijuana leaf on her backpack. The passenger was charged with possession of a switchblade and possession of a usable amount of marijuana. The two girls are scheduled in June to appear before a District Court judge at the Penobscot Judicial Center on the misdemeanor charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Phyllis RE: No pictures in Gmail Dear Webby, I have been a long-time subscriber/reader and have ejoyed seeing the pictures that you have included on your humor letter. However, for probably the last 2-3 months, I have been unable to bring them up on the monitor. The icon is there, but it does nothing when I click on it. The icon is there for voting and I use it every day, but do not understand why I cannot get the pictures. I really would like to have seen the ones of your trip. Any suggestions? Phyllis Dear Phyllis Originally Gmail was intended for "peeking" at your mail, while away from the office or home computer. If you are just quickly checking to see if there are any additions to what you have to get, while you are standing at the contractor's desk at the Home Depot, or any other place that is not as well connected as your office computer, then you would prefer to get just the text, quickly. That is still the default in Gmail. If you get too carried away with tuning the settings, and then restore it to DEFAULT, then you get the fast version without pictures. You can stay with the fast version and just browse to http://webby.com/humor to view the online copy of the Humor Letter, or play with the Gmail settings to show the pictures. Here's how to view those images: 1. Sign in to Gmail. 2. Open the message. 3. Click Display images below in the green box above your message. Or, if you'd like to always view images from a particular sender, click Always display images from humor@webby.com. The pictures ARE there, just not displayed with the settings that you currently use. Have FUN! DearWebby
An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. Assisted by the cab driver, she gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Those Used Tea Bags Do not throw out your tea bags with the trash. Save them in a dish and then empty them around your garden plants and shrubs. It makes a good substitute for peat and will add plant goodness and save you cash. By dunno from Cradley, UK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Tea bags compost OK, no need to empty them. Some teas, however, are as dead as coffee grounds and add nothing but dead filler. To add nutrients purree or shred vegetable cut-offs like cailfour cores, apple cores, and add moldy bread crusts for faster composting. 5 Gallon pails with lids work fine. Lid needs a nail hole to vent. When a pail is full, lay it flat and roll it once a week to mix. If the pails are in a warm and sheltered spot, they produce high nutrient compost in three months. If you paint flowers on them, they even look quite cute. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the Pharmacist, he insulted me terribly this morning on the telephone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to the pharmacy to demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it." "This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting in line. One little old lady thought I ws trying to get ahead of her in the line and smashed my glasses with her umbrella. I finally got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. Then I noticed a hold-up going on at the front desk, but could not call 911, because the phone is still ringing with no let up, and so, while I was sitting on the floor in a puddle of perfume and broken glass, I answered it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"

» Beautiful America
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Zoom on touch-screen laptops 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 5, 2010


It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution, "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. Then I suggested that she try carrying several things at once." The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now, I do it in seven."
A friend and I were driving to the mall when we came to a bridge under construction. The road narrowed to one lane, with a red light at either end. We stopped at the red light on our side and when it turned green we started up again. Halfway through we met another car coming towards us. The driver leaned out his window and shouted, "I don't back up for idiots!" Putting his car into reverse, my friend called back, "No problem. I know how to do that."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a car thief in Pernham, MN Man stole car with no brakes A would-be Perham car thief ended up with a headache, no car, and an embarrassment in what turned out to be a very short time on the lam Saturday. At 5:10 a.m. on May 29, the Perham Police Department was called about a car accident on 2nd St. NW. Upon arriving, police officers developed a clearer idea of what had happened. A local man had seen an Audi 5000 Quattro in a residential driveway on 2nd St. The keys were in the vehicle, but, unbeknownst to the thief, the brakes were not, as the car's master cylinder had been removed by the owner in order to repair the brakes. The thief drove a short distance before he attempted to brake, at which point the car slammed into a tree, causing the thief's head to strike the car's windshield. He was transported to the hospital upon the arrival of the police. The incident is still under investigation, and the police department expects formal charges to be filed soon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol RE: Zoom on touch-screen laptop Dear Webby, I love being able to use control-zoom fonts with my mouse. Will the program function on a touch screen laptop? Not wanting to squint.... Carol Dear Carol yes, normally it does, since you will quickly get a mouse anyway. The novelty of a touch screen usually wears off very soon. It is only slightly less klutzy than the nuisance thumb pad. A good 7 button mouse is probably impossible to beat. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young executive is leaving the office one evening when he comes across the company president standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," says the president, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," says the young executive. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper and presses the start button. "Excellent, excellent," says the president as his paper disappears inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Designer Names at Thrift Shops About 12 years ago, I had to find a way to buy my husbands shirts. He was forever burning holes in them smoking. I decided to try a thrift store. I was embarrassed to go in but I did. Well, I was so surprised at the people shopping there; well off and well heeled. I decided to look around after I got his shirts. I was shocked! I found an L.L. Bean denim skirt for $4.00 with the tag still on and never been worn. I was, from that point on, a thrift store shopper. I have turned all my friends on to them. I have purchased designer clothes at a fraction of the cost. Most still have tags. Even if they don't, you can tell they have never or only been worn once. You have to haunt the stores but it is well worth it. On a recent trip I bought approx. $300.00 worth of clothes for $20.00. Happy Shopping! By Mary Ann from Weslaco, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man goes to the doctor and complains, "Doctor, I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratches his head. "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an ophthalmologist?" "No," says the man. "Just spots."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the most powerful prayin' I ever did, was while hangin' upside down from a power pole."

» Budapest
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Email Petitions 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 4, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." --- Galileo Galilei "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." --- Helen Keller
Harold and David are out in the woods hunting, when David falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. Harold whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend looks like he's dead! What can I do?" The police operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help... First, lets make sure he really is dead." ...There is a silence, then a shot is heard... Harold then says, "OK, now what?"
"Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck - his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."
Enough of you asked for it, so here is a picture of me, from two weeks ago.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Todd Mayer, 45, of Anchorage, Alaska Alaska police stop bank robbery suspect on bike ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) - A man robbed an Anchorage bank and escaped on a bicycle but didn't get far, police said Thursday. The suspect crashed his bike into a patrol car, slid across the hood and took off running but was detained half a block away five minutes after the robbery, Anchorage Police Lt. Dave Parker said. Police identified the suspect as Christopher Todd Mayer, 45, of Anchorage. He was turned over to the FBI, which will conduct the investigation. Mayer had not been formally charged as of Thursday afternoon, and it was unknown if he had an attorney. Police took a call at 1:15 p.m. from a customer who saw a man wearing a camouflage bandanna confront a teller at a downtown Wells Fargo bank branch. The witness reported hearing the man say, "This is a robbery. Give me the money fast." The teller stuffed money into the man's backpack. "There was a weapon implied," Parker said. "No weapon was seen." A second witness told a police dispatcher the man's getaway vehicle was a bicycle. Officer Aaron Roberts, responding to a holdup alarm, spotted a bicyclist several blocks away passing through an intersection. The cyclist wore a camouflage bandanna around his neck. He refused to stop, police said, so Roberts chased him until he could maneuver his car into the bike's path. The suspect didn't slow down and struck the patrol car, Parker said. The bicyclist slid over the hood but lost his backpack. "He ended in a heap with the money pouring out of his pack," Parker said. The man did not seem fazed, Parker said. "It didn't hurt him at all," he said. "He popped up and ran away." Roberts, who stays in shape with martial arts, ran him down after about a half block, Parker said. Witnesses from the bank identified Mayer as the suspect, Parker said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita RE: Email petition Dear Webby, I received numerous e-mails today asking me to sign a petition & sent it to: comments@whitehouse.gov E-mail claims that the Senate voted to allow illegal aliens to draw Social Security. Is this a hoax? Nita Dear Nita There is no point writing to comments@witehouse.gov Nobody there is interested in what the sheep want, and it's a Senate matter anyway, not a White House matter. In addition to that, you know the White House attitude about Arizona making it a crime to be an illegal immigrant! You would be much better off sending email to a sympathetic senator, who has staff competent enough to count the emails. That senator can then use that number in speeches. Other than that, email petitions have absolutely no weight any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
I noticed the neighbor down the street was sitting on his porch all day every every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden: Fresh Salad Bowl What could be better than a Fresh Salad Bowl? I use a low ceramic bowl, plant a variety of lettuces and herbs each spring. Throughout the summer I go out to my Salad Bowl and pick fresh greens for dinner. It makes a great centerpiece for the outdoor patio table as well. By Susan D. from Portland OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

For the second time in a row, Jill was forced to impose on the woman with whom she carpooled to her children's soccer practices. Jill phoned and explained that her husband had the car again, so she wouldn't be able to take her turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up her son, her husband showed up. Since it was too late for her to call and say she could drive after all, Jill asked her husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. She also explained to her son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts. Unfortunately, her husband forgot and was in front of the house chatting with a friend when her carpool partner arrived. When her son returned from practice, Jill asked him if she had noticed. "Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't really know for sure."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My local General Practitioner." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?" "He told me to come and see you."

» Motion Blur
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How do I turn off automatic numbering when I indent a line 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 3, 2010

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. --- Lewis Mumford There ain't no rules around here! We're trying to accomplish something! --- Thomas A. Edison
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked ashen they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1 !"
"Ode to the Spell Checker!" Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture of rocks in Petra, Jordan Here is a slideshow with awesome pictures of Petra: http://snipurl.com/petraunadelas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevin Scherschel, 20 in Iowa City, Iowa police say drunken driver was naked IOWA CITY, Iowa – Iowa City police say they were able to track down a drunken driver who struck a street sign thanks in part to his clothing. His lack of clothing, that is. Police say witnesses told officers they saw a naked man drive away from a convenience store early Tuesday and hit a street sign. Police found the damaged car a short time later. The driver was gone, but police say they found the man, still naked, outside his neighbor's apartment. Authorities say the 20-year-old man had a blood-alcohol content of .189 percent, more than twice the legal limit. Police say witnesses from the convenience store were able to identify the naked man as the driver of the vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donnie RE: How do I turn off automatic numbering when I indent a line Dear Webby, Thanks again for all you do to start my day well. I organize my sermon notes with visual keys in the alignment of the text. In Open Office, is there a way that I can I turn off "Bullets & Numbering" so that every time I want to indent a line in a list, it isn't auto-labeled? Thanks Donnie Dear Donnie Tools > AutoCorrect > Options tab, uncheck "Apply numbering - symbol". There are also some other options in there, that you might want to change to really customize it to your preferences. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ----------- Overheard in Tennessee: If English was good enough for Jesus Christ and King James, then it's good enough for me. The Ark was not metric, and neither are two-by-fours. America is a free country and we are going to keep using British Imperial measurements whether the rest of the world likes it or not.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Last Year's Dress Into This Year's Blouse When my daughter was in grade school, I couldn't afford new school clothes every year, so I purchased an A-line (no waistline) dress pattern with the option of cap or long sleeves and three neckline options. The body consisted of a front and two back pieces and it was an easy to sew pattern with a zipper down the back. Back then material was four yards for a dollar, so I'd buy lots of different two yard lengths of material and made several dresses with various necklines and sleeves. The following year, the top of the dresses would still fit her, but the dresses would be too short, so I cut off the hems and made new hems. Those dresses made perfect blouses. Then I added an inch or two to the length of the dress pattern, bought more material and she had new dresses for the next school year. Those dresses became blouses for the following year and she was always getting compliments on her pretty clothes. Amuck from Fairview Heights, IL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." -------------- That is my attitude too. I went to renew my license last week, fashionably late by a week, as usual, and noticed that the people ahead of me were all dolled up in full war paint, smelling like a barbershop, pulling in their guts and barely breathing from fear, that a deep breath might split the girdle or corset or whatever, and all in their Sunday Best, complete with freshly shined shoes.. When the lady, who took the pictures told them to take their glasses off and to NOT smile, they got close to nervous breakdowns, and required five or more shots before they reluctantly agreed that one was good enough. And there I was, in jeans, shortsleeved shirt, my black, quilted vest, and sneakers. When I have to use my driver's license for ID, I want it to show how I normally look, not how I look once every ten years for the license renewal.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Angus McInnes asked the boy how much his last date had cost. The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think." "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening." "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have spent more, but that was all the money she had."

» Things to do this summer
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How to stop WORD from capitalizing the first letter of a line 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde You know that children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers. --- John J. Plomp
How was your trip to New Jersey?" "Well, a mugger stopped me and said, 'Gimme your money, or I'll blow your brains out.' " "What did you do?" "I told him to go ahead and shoot. He was so shocked, he ran away." "Wow! He told you to give him your money or he'd blow your brains out, and you told him to go ahead and shoot?" "Yeah. You don't need brains to live in New Jersey, but you can't get along without money."
An IRS agent goes into a synagogue looking for the rabbi. "Rabbi", he says when he sees him," do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?" "Yes, I do," says the rabbi. "Is he a member of your congregation?" asks the agent. "Yes, he is,"says the rabbi. "Did he make the $100,000 donation to the synagogue, that he claims on his tax return?" asks the IRS agent. "I can assure you that he will!" says the rabbi.
What next? If Arizona is not stopped, they are going to outlaw crime!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shatarka Nuby, 29,in Broward, Florida Cosmetic surgery with stolen credit cards It almost makes perfect sense to the criminal mind. If you want fake breasts, why not use a false ID? A Broward woman is accused of stealing another woman's ID to open up credit card accounts that would fund her need for bigger breasts and liposuction, police allege. Shatarka Nuby, 29, faces credit card fraud charges after she charged $9,000 worth of cosmetic work under the name of an unsuspecting aspiring college student. The victim eventually realized what was happening when she found out five credit cards had been opened in her name. One of the charges was to a local cosmetic surgery clinic, which said Nuby was scheduled to have breast enhancement surgery and liposuction. Nuby has tried stealing IDs in the past and has been busted three times.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Narissa RE: turn off Line start Caps in WORD Dear Webby, How do I stop WORD from making the first letter in each line a Capital letter? What causes that? I find itvery annoying having to manually correct each line. Narissa Dear Narissa That is caused by an old bug in WORD. It considers a hard return from hitting Enter as a start of a new sentence, even if there is no punctuation mark at the end of the previous line. Yeah, I know that is rather dumb, especially if you are used to format text into comfortable columns by hitting the Enter key. Fortunately, you can change that from that silly default to a more reasonable behavior. Click on TOOLS, AutoCorrect take the checkmark off "Capitalize first letter of sentences". Since you are used to deliberately start sentences with a capital letter, you don't need that wacky bug, ahem "feature" anyway. After that, that part of WORD will behave just like the other word processors. Have FUN! DearWebby
Anita's therapist told her the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what she starts. So far today, she has finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. She must be feeling better already because her tech support requests slowed down.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Ice Cubes from Coffee or Tea I freeze left-over coffee in an ice tray to use for iced coffee. when you make fresh coffee to pour over the coffee isn't diluted. It makes coffee beverages easier in your blender as well. Add the flavored coffee creamers and sweetener to make your own inexpensive coffee beverages. No more $8 coffees at the local coffee shops. By Becky from Addison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Mary for this story: The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks great from this angle, too.'"

» Things to do this summer
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Browser font too small 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 1, 2010

"There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not." --- Robert Benchley
Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object. Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, everybody thinks you are beautiful." "Why thank you, Bobby," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor."
Thanks to Sandie for another great moon shot!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kenyatta Sheffield in Lawtey, Florida Officer arrested for pulling motorists over and charging a ‘roadside fee’ The Bradford County Sheriff's Office has arrested a member of the Lawtey Police Department. Kenyatta Sheffield, a part-time officer, is accused of offering to let speeders pay fines in cash while he had them pulled over, reports First Coast News. The little town has a reputation for being a speed trap, it is now getting a worse name. Sheffield called it a "roadside fee." Police said they got the tip on the alleged scam when he pulled a woman over three weeks ago. "She was told she could pay a roadside fee of $191. In doing so it would eliminate the point on her driver's license," Lawtey Police Capt. Shane Bennett said. The girl didn't have the cash, so she called a friend for help. That friend knew something was fishy and called the cops. Sheffield went as far as escorting another women to an ATM to get cash. He then voided the tickets, obliterating all identifying information, such as tag numbers, reports First Coast News. Police said Sheffield wrote about 350 tickets over the last couple of months.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cheryl RE: Fonts in browser too small Dearest Webby, Am getting the hang of the more technical issues with the computer and I am proud to say I recently renewed my Anti-virus program and installed it correctly all by myself except for the fact that now, when I log on to the Internet, most of the writing on the pages is so small I can hardly read it. My eyesight didn't suddenly get that bad overnight so I must have altered the settings somehow but...how do I fix it to the way it was before?? Tried going to Internet Options and hitting the "Fonts" button - lets me change the font but not the size. Thanks dear friend!! Cheryl Dear Cheery Have you ever noticed this picture at the top of the Humor Letter? In case you are using a Text to Screech reader, CTRL plus scrolling the mouse wheel zooms the fonts. The browser will stay at the setting that you set that way, until you change it again. Have FUN! DearWebby
Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Super Soaker for Cat Fights I have a cat who protects his territory! Like most cats he will chase other cats out of his yard and this can lead to fights. I was looking for a safe way to break up cat-fights without getting hurt in the process when my mother told me of her "secret weapon". She buys several of those big squirt guns and keeps one on the front porch and she will get ready to hit one or both of the cats with a long shot of water. In an emergency, this is much faster than turning on the hose and it's safer than getting bitten. My mother originally bought the long range squirt gun to stop her cat from climbing over her fence. It only took two attempts at escape, and now her cat stays in the yard! Just be sure you let children know this is only an emergency tool and it's only used for the cat's safety. Never tease or be cruel to an animal! Super Soakers can squirt up to 50 feet and they are a toy made for kids, so they should be safe, but you should still use care to not pump them up very much so they have less pressure; this will increase the safety factor. They cost around $10. By JLS http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!" The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says, "Because they just ran out of them." The owner throws up his hands and says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $29.95!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Q. How can you identify the Hillbilly at a Cock fight? A. He's the one who brought the duck. Q. How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight? A. He's the one who bets on the duck. Q. How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight? A. If the duck wins, they are.

» Miniature Foods
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Can you convert movies to printable images? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day in the US

If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --- Harry S Truman On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?" Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Major Lee Barnes, 19, of Fort Pierce, Florida Rapist / Robber shot with his own gun Major Lee Barnes, a 19-year-old Fort Pierce man, was jailed Monday after he allegedly forced a woman to perform oral sex on him, which resulted in her shooting him with his own gun. According to Fort Pierce police, Barnes was riding his bike when he approached a woman who was on a walk around midnight Friday. Investigators say Barnes offered to pay the woman for sex. When she declined, he pointed a handgun at her and forced her to remove her pants. He searched her private area for money, stole her cell phone, then made her get on her knees and perform oral sex on him. While the victim followed her attacker's instructions, she noticed Barnes had relaxed and placed the gun in his pocket. In a moment of sheer bravery, she grabbed for the gun and shot at her attacker, who fled the scene. She was unsure if she hit him, but saw him lean over his right leg as if she did. She was able to flag down police, and filed a report against Barnes. Barnes was later taken to the hospital by friends with a gunshot wound to his right leg. At first, he told officers that he was an innocent bystander caught in the middle of a shooting. Later, he changed his statement, claiming he was shot by an unnamed assailant after finding a gun. Barnes was booked into the St. Lucie County jail and charged with sexual battery, robbery with a firearm, and possession of a weapon by a convicted felon. He remains jailed in lieu of $1,050,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank RE: Convert movies to images Dear Webby, My wife has a Cannon Powershot SD1200 IS camera. Inadvertently the switch was on record instead of Auto. Pictures of our grandchildren last week are MVI_02161.AVI instead of IMG_0261.JPG. Can I convert to a JPG? If so how? We want to get prints made but the IMG's won't show on the picture printer at the store. You help is greatly appreciated as always. Let's remember our Veterans on Memorial Day. Peace Frank Dear Frank Movies are a sequence of low resolution and small size pictures. You CAN freeze-frame movies and screen capture a frame, but you have to be quite desperate to actually print them. That is the same for all cameras. Even for cinema movies, the cover stills and poster stills are shot with a different camera, and are not a frame snatched from the sequence. About the only time snatched frames are used for print is when a security camera catches a good shot of a crook. You probably have seen examples, and how low the picture quality is. With a movie or TV, our eyes fill in for a lot. With a still image that does not happen. Best to just invite the grandchildren over again, and redo the pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Recycled Containers for Lunches I was eating some applesauce and yogurt today, and while stacking them together for rinsing and recycling, I had this amazing idea. If you filled the yogurt cup 1/2 full of water and froze it, you could fill the applesauce cup with fruit, pudding, yogurt, dip, dressing, ice cream, or even applesauce! It will stay cold, and once the ice begins to melt, the cup will stay on top as the lips are almost a perfect match! Perfect for parties, picnics, and BBQs! By Poor But Proud from Salem, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Yoghurt and cream cheese containers are just the perfect size for rhubarb or fruit. When I have some fruit, that is getting a bit past it's prime but still good enough to go with pancakes or as dumpling filling, I cut it up and put it into those small containers and toss them into the freezer. For thawing, I upend the container into a saucer or small bowl. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30 p.m. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. "Dangit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose EVERYTHING?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway. This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years. Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when we used to be like that young couple and snuggle? Where did the love go, honey?" Her question was met with a few moments of silence while he threw quick glances at his hands on the steering wheel. Then he quietly replied, "I haven't moved."

» Strain the brain
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Monitor for laptop 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, May 30, 2010

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. --- Mark Twain For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. --- Bob Wells "A man paints with his brains and not with his hands." --- Michelangelo
Found this in the archive: Thanks to the Folks from Erie for this one: WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! My face in the mirror Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely And so does my lawn. I think I might never Put my glasses back on.
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."
Sorry, Ma'am!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Makele G. Habtom, 29 in Fairfax, Virginia Sent in by Jacqueline Va. bank robber stuck around in parking lot after robbery Published May 29, 2010| Associated Press ALEXANDRIA, Va. (AP) — Police in Virginia say a man who robbed a bank in Fairfax County was still standing around in the parking lot with his loot when officers arrived. The Washington Post reported that twenty-nine-year-old Makele G. Habtom was arrested and charged with robbery on Thursday. Habtom allegedly walked into a BB&T bank branch bank, demanded money, and walked out with an undisclosed sum. Police arrived three minutes later and found the unarmed suspect in the parking lot. They could not explain why the man stuck around.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David RE: Monitor for laptop Dear Webby, Like you, I can't find a laptop with a proper screen, just the sawed off stuff. What is involved in order to use a regular old CRT monitor with a laptop? David Dear David You simply plug the CRT monitor into the back of the laptop, and of course also to an electrical outlet. Then rightclick on the desktop, Properties, Settings. In there you can select the monitor and increase the resolution. You do exactly the same if you use an LD monitor. Due to high demand, 1600 x 1200 LCD monitors have increased in price, since I last wrote about them, but with some googling you can still find a few for under $200. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe was hospitalized for a few days, and his wife reported that his dog really missed him. "She spends the night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," he replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," his wife answered, as she grabbed the rolling pin, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shampoo for Ring Around the Collar Got ring around the collar? I've found that since the stain is basically caused by the same body oils that make our hair greasy, why not use shampoo to clean that greasy stain on our collars? I keep a cheap brand of shampoo over my washer, and pre-treat the collar ring with it. It does a great job! Small sample bottles or ones that have accumulated from many hotel visits are also a good source for the shampoo. By Sandy from Elon, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another male chauvinist pig trying to keep suppressing the independence of a woman by implying she is obligated to be grateful for a lousy seat", and she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.Finally, the man says, "Lady, you'll have to go molest somebody else now. I'm two miles past my stop already and got to get off the bus."
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A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?" The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing." The wife says, "Six and a half weeks."

» Hulls Up
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