Advice From My Stockbroker 

I called my stockbroker and asked what I should be buying.
He replied, "If the current administration is in office much longer,
canned goods and ammunition are your best bets."


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Kids In College 

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.
One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

"Two days ago."

"Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

"He's taking every penny I make."

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him."



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What is the Scroll Lock key for? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 30

Charles, a subscriber and also my optometrist sent me this 
link for those who want to end smoking:
http://link.dvvc.ca/groups/evtpublic/wiki/441d9/Quit_Smoking.html

Because people remember, that I spent 30 years in the arctic, 
at this time of the year I usually get a bunch of requests 
to explain how the Midnight Sun works. Yes, again this year too.

The farther north or south you are, the the more the apparent
daily path of the sun changes from winter to summer. In winter
the sun rises just a bit South of straight West and sets just 
a bit North of straight West.

Then towards summer the sun rise and sunset locations spread
apart further and further. You notice that even where you are.
In the arctic and antarctic that spread is much greater and in June
sunset and sunrise are at the same spot, unless a mountain is
in the way.

Even if a mountain is briefly in the way, it doesn't get any darker
than if a storm cloud was hiding the sun.

I don't miss the arctic winters, but sumer sure makes me nostalgic.
June and July are always great for long river trips, for example
from Teslin to Dawson City. That trip takes two weeks just 
floating down the rivers with a canoe, two and a half to three weeks 
paddling steadily with a kayak. 

It used to be quite funny, taking our time in the morning and 
have a nice big breakfast and watch the Kayakers labor on by.
By about noon we catch up to them and drift past them. 
On my canoe I had gotten rid of the silly high benches and
made some low bucket seats upholstered with white fake leather.
Because the current is faster on top than lower down, a high riding
long 17 foot canoe takes advantage of that and gains a fair
bit of speed over the much lower riding kayaks, even though
those people seem to have to paddle just to stay upright.

I gained additional speed by using a drift-anchor made from
a lid of a large cooler. It floated with maybe one inch submerged
and took advantage of the fastest top "skin" of the river, and
towed the canoe fast enough, that the fin of the partly lowered
outboard acted like a rudder. It didn't steer as crisply as if the
motor had been running, but well enough to select the faster
or more scenic sides of the rivers.

On most trips I never turned the outboard engine on, but in
case we had forgotten something at a camp and had to go back
upriver for it, it would have been handy, or necessary.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it." --- Mary Wilson Little Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. --- James Magary
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Eleanor, an attractive and refined young woman, tele- phoned the service station to make a tuneup appointment for her car. She was told they could squeeze her in at 4 PM. Imagine the attendant's surprise and my friend's embarras- sment when she walked in and announced, "Hello, I'm your four o'clock squeeze."
One frigid morning late summer morning in North Dakota a man turned up at work much the worse for wear. "I didn't sleep a wink." he told a co-worker. "I was up all night trying to keep my wife's begonia covered against the cold wind." "I should be so lucky." his co-worker replied. "When it's this cold my wife wears so many clothes to bed, I can never get anywhere near her begonia."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karrieam J. Jenkins, 36 in Old Lycoming, PA Spun out superman An out-of-control man claiming to be "super human" during what Old Lycoming Township police suspected was a drug overdose faces charges after officers discovered in plain view five bags of marijuana inside a vehicle he was using. Responding to the 3300 block of Lycoming Creek Road to investigate a report of a man causing a disturbance about 6 p.m. May 25, police found Karrieam J. Jenkins "sweating profusely, flailing his arms and spinning in circles as he yelled that he was 'super human,' " police said. Following a brief struggle, Jenkins, 36, of 681 Campbell St., was restrained so as not to harm himself, police said. "He apparently was suffering from the affects of an apparent overdose of an unknown drug," Sgt. Joseph Hope said of Jenkins in an affidavit. Jenkins was treated at the Williamsport Regional Medical Center and later released. Jenkins apparently had arrived at the scene using a car that was registered to his fiancee, Hope said. The car's driver door was opened and inside the door handle were five bags of the marijuana, the officer added. There also was a container of the controlled substance on top of the center console, Hope said. Investigators allege the bags belonged to Jenkins, who has been charged with possession of a controlled substance and drug paraphernalia. He has been sent a summons to appear before District Judge James H. Sortman.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dean Re: What is th Scroll Lock for? Dear Webby, What is the Scroll Lock key for ? The IT tech here said it was an obsolete legacy key from the old days of DOS. Somehow I think it would have been dumped to save money if it was really obsolete. What is the real truth about it? Dean Dear Dean The Scroll Lock key is far from obsolete, however only people who work on spreadsheets, word processing documents, databases and graphics use it. If you are in a spreadsheet and want to scroll the sheet instead of the highlight of a cell, hit ScrollLock and use the arrow keys. The same trick works in word processors and databases and some graphics programs. Sure, you could do the same by taking a hand away from the keyboard and mousing around for a while. However, real professionals want to get work done as fast as possible and try to keep their hands on the keyboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum. "I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found three copies of that same darn book."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Display Rock Collection In Garden I've been collecting rocks for quite a while, a lot of agates, but I also love bizarre rocks. I realized it was a waste to keep them in containers in the house, so I created this garden for all to enjoy. I especially like heart shaped rocks, and if you look carefully, they surround my Hibiscus. By Tammy http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother Sheila finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother, Barbie, had purchased the same dress. She asked Barbie to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused, "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this dress; I'll look like a million in it!" Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, "Never mind dear. I'll get another dress, after all it's your special day, not hers." Two weeks later, another dress was finally found. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "What are you going to do with the first dress? Maybe you should return it. You don't have any place to wear it." Sheila grinned and replied, "Of course, I do, dear! I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. What direction is your foot going now?

» Mesa Verde






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New Stamp 

Canada Post created and marketed a new stamp displaying a picture of the current Leader of the Opposition, Jack Layton. A recall of the stamps following concerns that they weren’t sticking. Canada Post recently suspended a recall of the stamps after the findings of a special Senate Committee were released.



The House of Commons was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes and the enraged Leader of the Opposition demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and spending of $1.85 million, a special Senate Committee led by the leader of the Liberal, Bob Rae, presented the following findings:

1) The stamp is in perfect order.
2) There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.



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Drop Box 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 29

Had a bit of a scare today. My car has a different key for the 
ignition, because the lock wore out a couple of years ago and the
mechanic could not be bothered to key the replacement lock to
the old key. So I have the ignition key on one key ring, 
and the trunk key on another one.

As I was putting my two July bags of groceries into the trunk, 
somehow the trunk key slipped out of my hand. By the time I
got into the car and realized, what must have happened, it was
too late.

My house key is also on that ring. So, when I got home, I had
to burgle into my house. I did find a spare trunk key and got
it open.
 
No key ring visible.
Instead of panicking, I decided to put the groceries away.
Finally, at the very bottom of the second bag, there was the 
key ring. 

After that, I sure was tempted to sit out in the shade and wind
and have a smoke to celebrate, but decided to sit out there
and NOT smoke, was a bigger celebration.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. --- Billy Crystal You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. --- Joan Rivers The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essense of inhumanity. --- George Bernard Shaw
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

While strutting through a parking lot in his fancy executive elevator shoes, Mr Benson's right foot slipped left on an oily patch and after expertly tripping himself, he fell flat on his face. As he was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?" "No, I'm fine," he said, as he was trying to regain his composure and plan a way to exit without beeing seen by too many people. "Oh, good," she continued. "Will you be vacating your parking space any time soon?"
After spending all day Sunday watching football on television, Bob fell asleep and spent the night in the chair. His wife woke him in the morning. "It's twenty to seven," she called. "In who's favor?"
Thanks to Colleen for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Opuntia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Natasha Larson, 34, Bradenton, Florida Wife Busted For Craigslist Harass Of Husband’s Ex JUNE 24--In a bid to harass her new husband’s former wife, a Florida woman placed a phony ad on Craigslist that purported to seek men willing to stop by the ex-spouse’s home since she needed “to be thrown around a little bit and to be dominated, that is exciting for me.” The ad, placed in February, resulted in a stream of unwanted suitors arriving at the home of Tracy Wilder, who also received phone calls and text messages from unknown men who said they were replying to “an ad on Craigslist in the casual encounters section ‘women4men,’” according to a Bradenton Police Department report. One man who called Wilder said that he had replied to the ad and had exchanged e-mails with someone using the address wilderthnuno@gmail.com. During that correspondence, the man said, he was provided with Wilder’s home address and phone number. He also gave Wilder a copy of the original Craigslist ad, entitled “Adventerous Couple,” which claimed that, “I also like to take charge sometimes but I need a strong man to keep me in check. My boyfriend Matt lives with me but he is open to my need to explore.” After Wilder contacted police, investigators subpoenaed records from Google for the wilderthnuno@gmail.com e-mail account. The documents revealed that the account was created on February 18, the day the fake Craigslist ad was posted. Google also provided the IP address from which the account was created, which resulted in the subsequent issuance of a subpoena to Verizon for subscriber information corresponding to that IP number. Verizon records showed that Wilder’s ex-husband, Donald Larson, had been assigned the IP in question at a Sarasota address. During the execution of a June 15 search warrant at the home, Natasha Larson, Donald’s wife, admitted posting the phony Craigslist ad in Wilder’s name. Additionally, Larson, 34, “admitted that she had spoken with several unknown persons’ through e-mail inviting them to meet her at the victim’s home address for a sexual encounter and giving out the victim’s personal cell phone number.” As a result, Larson--pictured in the above mug shot--was arrested yesterday and charged with criminal use of identification information, a felony. She was released from custody after posting $1500 bond. The police report does not indicate why Larson targeted her husband’s former wife, though investigators did note that when Wilder first contacted cops about the fake ad, she did say that she suspected Larson was responsible for the Craigslist posting.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: DropBox and SugarSync Webby, Fanny could also use something like Dropbox or Sugarsync. These are free, secure, and much easier to use than a thumb drive, plus you don't go off and forget it! It's also better than having to upload to a web site. All you have to do is drop a file into Dropbox or Sugarsync and the rest is automatic. Files are then accessible on multiple computers if that's what you want. Might work for Fanny and others. I have found both to be very helpful. Bill Dear Bill Drop box and Sugarsync are rather limited, and unfortunately, they do tend to lose stuff. The dumbest thing one can do is shift-drag pictures from a camera onto drop-box. It will delete them from the camera quite reliably, but they don't always wind up in their drop box. Even my own father did that, but only once. With a web site, you drag them there, as if you were dragging them to a different folder, and you see them at the destination. Plus you can edit files. The server is just a computer in addition to the ones at work and at home. You are in control of your filing, and you can set up any file structure you want for permanent and semi-permanent stuff. It's a whole class more versatile than a drop box. Have FUN! DearWebby
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At the exclusive restaurant where I work, a party of diners was exhausting the waiter with relentless demands. Through it all, he remained professional. Finally, after leaving a very meagre tip, one of the patrons asked the waiter to take the group's picture and insisted on giving him all kinds of instructions, since this was a once in a lifetime family reunion. He smiled and took a lot of pictures. He used up the rest of the film in the old fashioned camera. Each picture showed the entire group quite nicely, from the neck down.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simple Ways to Conserve Water I decided I was tired of standing at the sink running the water down the drain, while I waited on it to change to hot water to use. My goodness what a surprise I had when I used a pitcher to catch the water! I was wasting almost a gallon every time I was waiting on the water to get hot. Now I keep a pitcher nearby, and I save the water to use during the day. By Marsha from Greenville, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sam came home to Anni and said "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," Anni said. "Yeah, I thought so too," Sam agreed. "You start Monday."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Teacher: "Have you ever hunted bear?" Little Johnny: "No, but I've gone fishing in my shorts."

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Carrying files from work to home 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 28

I find it amazing, how the left wing media tells the difference
between civilians and military. When organized rebels throw
gasoline bombs and rocks or shoot at cops, that is their
democratic right to freedom of expression. After all, if they
are left wingers, they are poor, innocent civilians.

However, if cops and military shoot back, then that is 
genocide, murder, atrocity and all kinds of bad stuff.
It just depends on who is doing it. 

Mark Twain summed it up nicely:
  
"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. 
If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."
--- Mark Twain

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Hold it the greatest sin to prefer existence to honor, and for the sake of life to lose the reasons for living. --- Juvenal (- 130 BC)
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

It was after 3 a.m. in the fancy restaurant, and all the guests but one had gone home. The last guest was sleeping at his table. The cleaning lady, irritated that she was delayed in doing her job, turned to the restaurant owner. "I've seen you shake the old fool and wake him up five times," she said. "Why don't you make him go home?" "No way !" answered the owner cheerfully. "Every time I wake him up, he asks for his bill and pays it!"
During a friendly argument, Billy-Bob asked Betty-Sue why she had married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, Betty-Sue requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Thanks to Chuck E for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Weed Star
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Danielle Harley, 36, of Moon, PA Woman Calls Police On Neighbor, Gets Arrested MOON TOWNSHIP (KDKA) — A local woman was arrested after police found her children home alone and living in deplorable conditions. Danielle Harley, 36, lives at 1888 Montour Street Ext. in Moon Township. She called the police about a threatening phone call she got from her neighbor. She told 911 she was leaving because she was afraid. Police showed up. “The neighbor came out and told the officer that they’d seen her leave with someone else, but there were two young kids in the house – they believed there were two young kids still in the house,” Moon Township Police Captain Greg Seamon said. Two kids, ages 8 and 4, were found sleeping inside. Harley eventually returned to find out it wasn’t her neighbor who was in trouble. “She came back to the house while the officers were there and then the officers then arrested her for endangering the welfare of the children,” Seamon said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fanny Re: Carry files between home and work Dear Webby I'm a teacher and will be at a different school this fall. At this school I get to ride the school bus, as long as I carry a big wooden spoon and keep the riots on the bus under control. I'm sure it won't be that bad, but they definitely advised that I don't carry my laptop along. I used the laptop mostly to carry the data between the school computer and my home machine. What would you recommend for carrying my preparations and homework between home and school ? Fanny Dear Fanny The most civilized way would be to get yourself a little web site, upload the day's data to there before you leave home, and download it into the school machine when you get there. All you "carry" is your password. You never forget anything at home or at work. A private sub-domain site is $2.50 a month Second best is to get a compact flash card and a reader. The reader just plugs into a USB port and makes the flash card another drive. Flash cards come from 1/4 to 64 GigaBytes They are small enough that you can sew a little pocket for one onto the inside of a regular belt. If you have a belt with little pockets for parking meter change, that will do just fine. The readers are between $15 and $50, depending on options. The $15 kind that I use works just fine. You can leave those attached to the computers and only take the little flash card along. Best are the 2 GB SD cards made for cameras. They work on all machines and operating systems. Above 2 GB you may have occasional mix and match problems. Of course, if you lose or forget the chip, there is no data. So I highly recommend a $2.50 a month web site. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Tired of having to balance Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent some time trying to wrestle it into shape. The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it balance!" Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. "Let's see... mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?" "Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark the "Up" Side on Electrical Plugs Do you have cords to plug into an outlet and are always trying to plug it in upside down, because of one prong being wider than the other? In the correct position, put a dab of white out (liquid or tape) on a dark-colored plug or draw a black spot with a permanent marker on a light-colored or white plug. I always do a tiny heart. Sure has made my life easier - sometimes it's the little things! By Vicky from Central KY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Mary for this one: Cover the lower half of the picture with your hand and look only at the upper half. Then cover the top half and look at the lower half. Then look at the entire picture.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Millie's kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told Moe that the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. Millie frantically swept through their daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with their daughter. That afternoon, the daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start."

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My Breakfast 

Home made "instant" oats

Steel Cut oats or Groats are the only type of oats that actually reduce cholesterol and lower triglycerides according to a study published last year. That is due to the fact that the bran is still intact.
The process of partially cooking and pressing the oat removes much or all of the bran.
The nutty flavour of the whole oat adds much flavour and texture to your morning breakfast

Here is my favourite recipe to make the process "instant"

In a bowl combine:
1/2 C steel cut oats (Bob's Red Mill can be ordered online)
Some dried fruit - I like dried cranberries, chopped dried apricots but used any type you like
a sprinkle of sliced almonds and walnuts
1/4 tsp cinnamon
Boil 3/4 C water and pour over mixture
cover and leave on counter overnight.
In the morning microwave on high until hot.
Sweeten with honey or your favourite sweetener.
Add milk if you want, but I find I don't need it



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File explorer custom view 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 27

Today the postal workers get to go back to work. 
The NDP (Canada's equivalent of ACORN) kept them on the
picket lines as long as they could by filibustering and wasting
time in parliament. Since the NDP doesn't really have a mandate
to swat a mosquito, the government simply outlasted them, and
when their silly filibustering ended, ordered the union back 
to work. 

Quite predictably, the back to work order was not as generous 
as the Post Office's previous offer had been. The government 
had listened to the people and decided that a noisier union is 
no reason to pay mail sorters more than they pay the cops.

Quite likely this will be the beginning of the end of unions
holding companies for ransom, just because they are big and
noisy, and eventually we will become competitive on world
markets again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions. --- Cullen Hightower
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a transient state, then replied, "He says he'd love a carton or two of cigarettes." "I'll send some cartons immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly, and added with an evil grin: "But he didn't ask for matches." "Oh GREAT!" exclaimed the woman."Then he is either with Zeus and the eternal olympic flame, or with Thor, the god of thunder and lighning!"
A big-game photographer went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. He picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the husband. "Those old lions are pretty tough. He'll be OK."
Smokey Sunset Click through the picture to the large version. The fire is northwest of Calgary near Sundre, but today the wind changed and blew the smoke this way.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cierra Baughcum, 28 in Clayton County, GA .392 demolition cruise by GA mother with 2 kids in car A Clayton County woman is in jail on charges of driving drunk and child endangerment after she allegedly wiped out a neighborhood picnic area while her two young children were in the car with her, Channel 2 Action News reports. Cierra Baughcum had a blood-alcohol content of .392 percent -– nearly five times the legal limit -– when she was arrested Tuesday afternoon in the Mill Mobile Home Park in Rex. Clayton County police said the 28-year-old woman had her children, ages 4 and 6, with her when she drove her Camaro through the picnic area of the mobile home park, obliterating two picnic tables. She then allegedly drove under a fence and through a ditch and the wrong way on Ga. Freeway 42. Baughcum drove back into the mobile home park and crashed into the stairs of the property’s leasing office. What really troubled people in the mobile home park is the incident happened around 4 p.m., and that Baughcum's 4- and 6-year-old kids were in the car during the entire wild ride. "They were in the back seat of the vehicle," Sally Huskey said. "No car seats. No booster seats. No seat belts." ”She was just sitting in the car … humped over and crying and all that and she couldn't even hardly get out of the car,” park maintenance man Rusty White told Channel 2. Actually, at .392 very few people can still walk. The woman was charged with driving under the influence, reckless driving, driving on the wrong side of the road, striking a fixed object, two counts of child endangerment and two counts of child restraint, authorities said. Her bond was set at $10,500 during a first appearance.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: File explorer custom view Dear Webby can you tell me how to stop lists in Windows Explorer from coming up with large icons? Every time I go to Explorer I have to tell it to view the directory in a "List". Would LOVE to put a stop to that! Thanks for you help again! Helen Dear Helen here is what I do: First I customize a view to my liking, (I set it to show details) then I click on TOOLS FolderOptions Classic in it's own window Double-click VIEW check and uncheck things to my liking check Remember each folder's view settings Then click on the big button that says: APPLY TO ALL FOLDERS then hit OK. Close Explorer, and open it again. However, some bug in Windows still makes it occasionally forget that and you have to set it like that again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repainting Old Furniture If you are like me and tend to tire of your possessions easily, it pays to go to thrift shops and garage sales for shopping. I pay $5 for a beat up old coffee table or chair, sand it down and paint it. After I'm done with it in a few years or so, it still looks like new, I place it in my own garage sale for $15. I have never lost money on this technique, usually I make about two to three times the money. I get to change my decor often without spending much money. It is so much fun to make something look so different! By Susan from Elkhart, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The preacher said: "There's no such thing as a perfect woman. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up." Nobody stood up. "Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up." One demure little man stood up. "Did you ever know an absolutely perfect man?" he asked, somewhat disbelieving. "I didn't know him personally," replied the little man, "but I have heard a great deal about him. He was my wife's first husband."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: Ben Kebobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"

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Awkward DVD 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 26

I heard some interesting comment from the oil patch.
The drop in fuel prices in the US was NOT due to Obama
raiding the Strategic Emergency Reserve. That does not
work that fast, because the reserve is not in tanks at 
refineries, but in barges spread along major rivers. 
In the spirit of stragegic reserve, it is not a fixed target,
but very widely distributed. It will take 3 - 4 weeks for that 
oil to get to refineries.

The sudden weekend drop in fuel prices was just due
to the drop in Canadian fuel prices early last week,
plus the US refineries showing their annoyance with the
Government messing with the Strategic Emergency Reserve
on Thursday. Dropping the pump price by 25 cents means 
15 cents LESS taxes per gallon sent to the government. 
SLAP!

Wether stealing from the reserve will lower or raise the
pump price, we will find out in 3 - 4 weeks.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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What luck for rulers that men do not think. --- Adolf Hitler Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it. --- Alfred Hitchcock
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Thanks to Penny for this: I've been to a lot of places but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito either. I hear no one recognizes you there.. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport... you have to be driven there. I've made several trips.
From deep inside the automobile there came a dreadful curse, A man was trying to fold the map, The way is was at first.
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Riot In The Weeds You can see the end of his cactus area near the right top.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Paul Burdeshaw, 33, in Bayou George, Florida Police: Fla. Man Texted Mom To Hide Drugs From Cops A Florida man texted his mother asking her to hide his drug evidence, police in Bay County said. Anthony Paul Burdeshaw, 33, is being held on drug charges in Bayou George. Investigators said they were talking to Burdeshaw's mother about an abandoned barn next to the family's home that contained methamphetamine-manufacturing chemicals when she received a text from her son. According to a story in TheNewsHerald.com, the message read: "Hey Mom can u go to my bedroom and get the glass bowl under the bed and wash it with water really good and don't give the cops permission to search." The mother eventually brought out to police a glass bowl that tested positive for meth. The investigation is ongoing. Additional charges are pending.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eleanor Re: DVD drive Dear Webby, I tried your suggestion for a foot switch and it works perfectly. What I find even more aggravating is the DVD burner right at the very top of the tower. With the tower sitting on a block, to keep it above the cruising dust bunnies, and holding up the door, that is my desk top, (the left side is held up by a shorty file cabinet), the CD / DVD drive is extremely awkward to get to. Do you have a solution for that? Eleanor Dear Eleanor Most towers have 2 - 3 drive bays, and you might be able to move the CD / DVD drive a bit lower. It will still be awkward, but not quite as bad. A permanent solution would be to get an external USB powered DVD burner. Avoid HP, get a cheap generic one. Those are plug and play and work instantly and reliably, even when tilted sidways and jammed between books on a shelf. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ellen for this one: One of my picture frames was broken, and I decided to try my hand at repairing it. A screw was missing in one corner, so I called the hardware store. "Do you carry screws for picture frames?" I asked. "What size do you need?" "I don't know, but it's rather small." The man sighed. "Ma'am, we have 'itsy-bitsy' size screws for 49 cents in a package of 10, and we have 'teeny-weeny' size screws , also for 49 cents in a package of 10. I can give you a special deal and sell you both packages for a dollar.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Socks for Dusting Use the lonely lost sock from the dryer as a duster. I turn it inside out and spray furniture polish on it that swipe it were ever there is a hint of dust and voila!, the dust is on the sock. Tube socks with the terry cloth on the inside work the best. When done just wash and dry it and wonder where that extra sock came from. Like I do. By Rhondakitley from Warren, MN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
From the Classified Ads: Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A PSYCHOLOGIST is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. A PROFESSOR is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

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Awkward DVD drive location 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 25

On Tuesday the price of gasoline dropped three cents per liter
(12 cents per gallon) at the pumps while I was getting my eyes 
checked. 
Why or how?
Nobody knows. Some gas stations started it, and the rest 
followed.

Then on  Thursday, Obama released 30 million barrels from the 
U.S. Strategic Emergency Petroleum Reserve, hoping to delay 
the inevitable assassination, or whatever it is, that he is afraid of. 

It is nice to see a slight drop in the gas price. In Canada it is
due to the oil companies and gas stations reducing their profit.
No worries there, they still make a healthy profit.

In the US it is due to stealing from the emergency reserve.
That is extremely worrisome to those, who understand how that
works! Putting the oil back into the emergency reserve is virtually
impossible, and will be left for the next president, because
THAT is going to hurt.

In the meantime, fill up your tank and enjoy the weekend!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” --- Confucius "Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred." --- Socratex "It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning." --- Calvin
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Oh wow!" thought the doctor, "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that?"
On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!" "That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?" "Just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!" "That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl. "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy-dog!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her yellow Calla Lily Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to No mugshot yet Sean Schmidt, 20 of Buffalo, NY Tossed Pot Lands On Police Cruiser State police say a man's effort to ditch some drugs from a moving car in western New York didn't exactly go as planned. Troopers with the state police Thruway detail say 20-year-old Sean Schmidt was standing with his upper body sticking out the sunroof of a vehicle traveling on Interstate 190 in Buffalo late Monday night. When a trooper following in a state police cruiser activated the car lights to pull the other vehicle over, Schmidt threw a small bag of marijuana, which landed on the hood of the trooper's car. Troopers say Schmidt was ticketed for marijuana possession and not wearing a seatbelt.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eleanor Re: DVD drive Dear Webby, I tried your suggestion for a foot switch and it works perfectly. What I find even more aggravating is the DVD burner right at the very top of the tower. With the tower sitting on a block, to keep it above the cruising dust bunnies, and holding up the door, that is my desk top, (the left side is held up by a shorty file cabinet), the CD / DVD drive is extremely awkward to get to. Do you have a solution for that? Eleanor Dear Eleanor Most towers have 2 - 3 drive bays, and you might be able to move the CD / DVD drive a bit lower. It will still be awkward, but not quite as bad. A permanent solution would be to get an external USB powered DVD burner. Avoid HP, get a cheap generic one. Those are plug and play and work instantly and reliably, even when tilted sidways and jammed between books on a shelf. Have FUN! DearWebby
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After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Blood Stains Use household ammonia (full strength) to remove blood stains from clothing. Try to catch the stain as quickly as possible, and launder right away in cold water. Stain will disappear. By CEBush from Phoenix, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
MALE OR FEMALE? SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles. KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs. TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is often over-in- flated. SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out. PHOTOCOPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up again -- and only when the right buttons are pushed. HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. COMPUTER -- Definitely male, because a female, who is cussed at that much, would not stick around for more of the same.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you dream of being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

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Awkward computer switch 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Ten years ago I predicted that soon computers will be compact
enough to fit into a keyboard. It didn't take too long for that to 
happen, but it took a while for Keyboard PCs to be come 
affordable. Today I saw some that were well under $500. 
Everything is inside the keyboard, except for the monitor.
You just plug your good ol monitor into it.

No, this is not an ad, and I am not suggesting you dump a 
working computer to make room for a Keyboard PC. However,
when the time comes to replace your computer, keep them 
in mind.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!

Good taste is the worst vice ever invented. --- Edith Sitwell In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are. --- Nicholas Chamfort
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

A missionary heard about a native who had five wives. He paid a visit to the native's hut, and sure enough there were five wives. The two men sat outside the hut and talked. The missionery said "You are violating a law of God. Man can only have one wife, so you must go and tell four of those women that they can no longer live here or consider you their husband." The native thought a few moments, then said, "I'll wait here. You go tell 'em."
1st man: "I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin." 2nd man: "Oh really, what happened?" 1st man: "After the first two, I felt better."
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deanna Headley, 23, of Hollywood, Florida Shoplifter flees while carrying a 5 year old A woman is accused of putting her young daughter in harm's way by running from a security officer who was trying to stop the mother for shoplifting, according to the Police Department. Deanna Headley, 23, of Hollywood, was arrested on Tuesday after police said she dodged traffic and jumped into a lake, all while carrying her 5-year-old daughter, to avoid arrest. The daughter, who was not injured, was placed in the custody of the Department of Children & Families. Security officers at the Walmart at 2551 E. Hallandale Beach Blvd. watched via a surveillance camera on Tuesday afternoon as Deanna Headley stuffed about $300 worth of DVDs into a purse while her sister, Lorraine Headley, acted as a "look-out." When security officers approached the women and child as they were leaving, the women took off. Cradling her daughter like "a football," Deanna Headley ran across six lanes of traffic on busy Hallandale Beach Boulevard. When the security officer caught up to her, Headley knocked him down by striking him in the chest and went to the rooftop of a nearby apartment building, then came down and struck him in the chest again. Clutching her daughter, she then dove into a 15-foot-deep lake behind the building. Though yelling that she couldn't swim, Headley refused to hand over the little girl to police officers or the Walmart security person. Eventually, officials removed mother and daughter from the murky water. Neither was hurt. The paper did not say whether they had to harpoon the bonehead, or whether they used a lassoo. Broward County Judge John "Jay" Hurley referred to the police affidavit in bond court on Wednesday: "It says if not for the responding police units, as well as Walmart personnel pulling you from the water…it's very likely both of you would have drowned." "This was all over some DVDs from Walmart," Hurley said, noting that Headley also has a grand theft case pending in Palm Beach County. Deanna Headley was charged with committing a felony that could cause death, child abuse, strong arm robbery and battery. Lorraine Headley has not been charged, but police said the investigation is not over. Hurley ordered that Deanna Headley be held without bond. She may not have contact with her child. Citing a history with the Headley family, DCF spokesman Mark Riordan said the girl will likely be sent to foster care. "That child is at imminent risk and we will do anything in our power to protect her," he said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Idiotic computer button Dear Webby, I have to vent! How long have computers been made as under-the-desk towers? How many trillion times have people bashed their heads under the desk when turning a computer on? Why can't that stupid button be sticking out like a safety shut-off mushroom button or something, that can be kicked? I am sick up and fed with crawling under my desk every morning, and unless you have a solution, I am just going to leave my computer running forever. Barbara Dear Barbara Many years ago I drew up this little diagram and showed it here. You can glue that together from scraps of just about anything and glue it to the computer, so that the little round cardboard button fits onto the recessed computer switch. You can of course be creative and make your clapper in any shape you want, as long as it has a button hitting the recessed switch and is firmly glued on a few inches above it, so that it can flex enough to depress the switch, when you kick it. A pencil eraser glued to a plastic ruler works very well, and after I sent this picture out last time, somebody sent me a picture of a large cardboard valentines heart duck taped to the front of the computer and a small ball of used chewing gum lined up on the recessed switch. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Leftover Ice in House Plants This is a little tip for people who like conserving energy and water. When there is ice left in the glasses after a meal, I always pop them altogether and then put that ice into the house plants rather just throw it down the drain. It is a shame to have used the electricity to make the cubes and then just throw them all away. Saves a bit of fresh water too! By Maura from New York, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase - a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."

» Unusual Churches






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Is FileZilla safe? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 23

Thank you Betty!

Too many of you asked about that Power 4 Home system to answer
all of you individually.

Yes, of course solar works! I built my first solar panels in the late
70's in the Yukon, and powered my house with them. Yes, even
with the short winter daylight hours in the arctic, they work 
quite well. Where you are, they will work even better.

If you are still paying for electicity, then you are on the grid,
and can use the grid for storing excess power and retrieving
it when needed. That saves you the expensive battery hassle,
that I had to put up with in the arctic wilderness.

Even the grid itself has changed in your favor. At one time
the electrical company paid only a pittance for green power,
and used phony excuses like your solar or wind was too
unpredictable. Oh yeah? What about my neighbor's 300 KW welder,
that slams on and of at the weirdest times?
Uh,...duh... 
Yeah right.
Well, thanks to the environmental movement, electrical companies
have been forced to pay a fair price fro green power, and in 
some states even more than fair. In some states, like for example
Arizona, the electrical company even helps you to become
a power produce just like them and turns out to be extremely
helpful.

You won't get filthy rich from a few solar panels, but getting
$10 or $30 or $50 from the electrical company every month, 
instead of paying them $150, is worth tinkering a bit on your
roof.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." --- J. R. R. Tolkien Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Gillian Shephard, a Member of Parliament, paid a visit to Norwich jail to inspect the place and after her tour of the prison, she was shown to her chauffeur driven car by the Governor, whereupon it was discovered that the chauffeur had inadvertently left the keys in the car and he was unable to open the doors. There was much embarrassment until the Governor of Norwich jail came up with a splendid idea. "We have plenty inside here who are doing time for car burglary; shall I get one?" Gillian nodded her assent. Enter Justin, doing a few years for such crimes, and he was invited to display his skills to the advantage of Mrs. Shephard in order to save her any further embarrassment. With that, Justin picked up a large stone and hurled it at the window of the limousine, shattering it in a million pieces. Surrounding press and camera men had to hide behind trees and other cover to conceal their mirth.
One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the to the class of five-year-olds, "I'll give $5 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was." An Irish boy raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy, Aaron, raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Aaron. Come up here, and I'll give you your $5." As the teacher was giving Aaron his money, she said, "You know, Aaron, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." "I know, Miss," Aaron replied, "in my heart I know it was Moses, but business is business."
Click through the picture to the large version. When Ships Had Class
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan and Renee Jankowski in Mattawan, Michigan Orange 1978 Pinto leads Van Buren County deputies to meth lab bust VAN BUREN COUNTY — A husband and wife from Mattawan were arrested after police said they stole components from a Menards and went back to their trailer where an active meth lab was cooking. Around 9:30 p.m. Monday, the Kalamazoo County Sheriff's Department contacted Van Buren dispatch that a man had stolen items from Menards on West Main Street and fled in a 1978 Orange Ford Pinto. Later, Van Buren deputies found the man and his wife driving the car into Wolf Lake Trailer Park, 24054 M-43. When deputies searched the vehicle, they found the stolen items, including many lithium batteries, which are used in the making of meth. The man and his wife were arrested and both now face several charges. The suspects have been identified as 41-year-old Bryan Jankowski and his wife, 37-year-old Renee Jankowski. A search of the couple's trailer found an active meth lab, including waste from previous "cooks," finished meth, and other evidence of the sale of illegal narcotics.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandy Re: What is FileZilla and is it safe? Dear Webby, I noticed that my daughter installed a program called FileZilla on our computer. I don't know what it does and if it is safe. I am going through a nasty divorce and don't want anything spying on me. Sandy Dear Sandy FileZilla is as safe as a spoon. It is the most common FTP (File Transfer Program), and used to up/download web pages for writing and editing them. Like a spoon, it does not do anything on it's own, but is really handy in the hands of somebody, who knows how to use it. Most likely your daughter uses it to upload homework or web pages for school. It is quite similar to your File Explorer (Right-Click START, EXPLORE), and lets you drag for example a just written web page onto the server. However, you can't just drag stuff all over the place. FTP also stands for File Transfer Protocol, and believe me, there is a very strict protocol involved, with user names and passwords. She can upload her homework or web page to exactly HER authorized location, and nowhere else. And none of the other students can upload anything into her space. The FileZilla client can not be activated from elsewhere. It has to be started from your computer, and somebody has to sit in front of it and physically type in 1) the destination host name 2) the authorized user name 3) the agreed on password just to make the connection. FTP has been around for 30 years, FileZilla is just the most used and most respected of all the FTP programs. I use FileZilla myself too, sometimes dozens of times a day. FileZilla takes very little space, and when not in use, takes no memory or processing power. Then it is just a utensil in the drawer. And it is free. She did not waste any money. Don't worry about it and congratulate her on her choice of FTP programs! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? My bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how did that unlicensed and uneducated amateur accomplish that?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Travel with Medications in Original Containers I recently saw a tip from someone advising you to put your medications in those convenient daily containers when going on trips to avoid carrying the medicine bottles. I would strongly advise that you NOT do this. Not everyone knows that it is illegal to carry medicine out of its original container and if you get stopped by the police, they can charge you with carrying contraband. This message should be printed on all packages containing these daily medicine containers. By lilfaith from Murray, KY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I know most of you won't carry a tackle box filled with a dozen or more different original pill bottles, and rather take you chances arguing with the cops, if necessary. Yes, I am one of those too. A reasonable compromise is to tape your list of prescriptions onto your dosette, so that it is perfectly clear, what you are carrying and by which doctor's orders. By the way, look for one of those zippered leather day-planner cases or bible carry-along cases for your dosette. If you ever accidentally drop it, you will know why I sugested that! If you have a spare, please send it my way. I used to have one, but gave it away many years ago. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will probably be held against you, you don't have the right to have an attorney present, But you may now kiss the bride.

» GMT






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Show the volume control icon on the task bar 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 22

Thanks to Ophelia for filling in for me yesterday!

Today the wind stopped. 
Here in the foothills of the Rockies that is a very rare occasion
and is formally marked on the calendar.

Within an hour the Saskatchewan Air Force attacked with their
airborne tankers, the big spring mosquitos

They are no problem. You just hit them behind the eyes with a 
baseball bat or crow bar or 2x4 and knock them out. Then the 
cowboys on horses or kids on ATVs skid them away and load 
them onto those long cattle transporters for export. Rumors have 
it, that they are processed into non-beef ravioli filler in California.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Some people die at 25 but aren't buried until they are 70. --- Mark Twain
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Someday I guess I'm just gonna get arrested, but I can't resist off-the-wall humor when people least expect it. I went into the department store and was greeted by a pretty salesgirl with a slightly foreign accent, who said, "Good ahvternoon sir, vat is it you desire?" Naturally I grinned and winked with an eyebrow. She defintiely was not slow and instantly blushed. So I told her that she was even more beautiful when she blushed. That didn't go over too well and she threw the phone at me, or would have if it hadn't had a line on it. Probably the one she was standing on. That line tore the phone out of her hand in mid swing, and bounced it against the front of her strapless tube-top. The tightly stretched tube top gave way and various top secret foam wedges and shims flew out and all over the counter top. That made her fly into a total rage, and instead of re-loading her tube top, she started throwing anything within her reach at me, including those foam items. It was quite a show! Eventually she realized that she was rather exposed and tried to pull up her tube top. That is when she found out the hard way that a size D tube does not stay put on a size B girl, unless there is some help from foam wedges and shims, but that those had bounced off my head and were mixing it up with the rubber duckies in the fountain behind me. So she shrieked and ran away, holding up her now rather lose tube-top with both hands. Luckily for me another store employee close by had watched the whole episode and came over. It took us a while, though, to stop laughing.
Click through the picture to the large version. "Formula Fogie" sure looks like fun!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Krebes, 31, in Vernon, Connecticut Busted for buying dope from cops A 31-year-old Vernon man faces drug possession charges after allegedly placing an advertisement seeking marijuana on Craigslist. Police say twelve members of the Statewide Narcotics Task Force took Michael Krebes into custody on Thursday afternoon in the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant where he allegedly went to buy the pot from the narcs. He was not armed and they did not require additional officers. The Hartford Courant reports that Krebes was charged with possession of less than 4 ounces of marijuana and was released on $2,500 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: How do I restore the volume control icon? Dear Webby, Can you tell me how to get the volume control to show me the amount of sound? It was working fine till Saturday when I accidentally hit it. I also hope you're able to tell me how to restore my computer. It too was working before I hit the volume control. I have tried many ways to get this fixed, but the only thing that comes up on the computer is my messages page. You have always given great advice & I'm hoping you can help me correct this. Many Thanks for any help. Eileen Dear Eileen To enable the display of the Volume icon, follow these steps: Click Start, and then click Control Panel. Double-click Sounds and Audio Devices. Click Show volume control on the taskbar. Click OK. If you have the new desktop features of Windows XP enabled, follow these steps: Click Start, and then click Control Panel. Click Sounds, click Speech, and then click Audio Devices. Click Sounds, and then click Audio Devices. Click Show volume control on the taskbar. Click OK. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Formula Fogie looks like fun to look forward to, but I have always had fun with vehicles. One day, when I was still living way out of town, the engine on my truck decided to strike and I had to hitch-hike into town to get some parts. There was not much traffic in those days, but as luck would have it, a cute lady came along and stopped for me. It turned out that she was a bush-bunny and just as bushed as I was. After a few miles and smiles we sat pretty close and it became increasingly difficult to tell who was actually driving the truck. Above the town the "Old Highway" splits off. The "Old Highway" wasn't used much for driving any more, just for "parking". She pulled in there and parked. The cab of the truck was definitely too crowded, and the loading bed of the truck was not very inviting in the starting rain and her two big dogs tied up back there. However, there is lots of room under a 4x4 pick-up truck. Some time later somebody rudely kicked my leg and asked: "Just what in heck do you think you are doing here?" My vision was a bit obscured because I was on the bottom, but I recognize a police boot. So I told him: "I'm just working on her clutch." The cop chuckled and told me: "Might as well work on her parking brake too. Her truck is inside the church at the bottom of the hill."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Paint Samples To Coordinate Home Purchases I always keep paint chip samples from the paint I have used in various rooms of the house in my purse. I write the room on the back. That way I can always hold the paint chips up against rugs, curtains, towels, pictures, etc. when I'm out shopping or at flea markets, garage sales, or thrift stores to see if an item will coordinate. It saves me from purchasing items only to get them home and see they don't quite fit in. By thriftygirl39 from Columbus, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were waiting in a doctors office a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and dishevelled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The camper laughed and retorted, "The black snakes around here aren't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a fifty-foot cliff, he is!"

» Bourbon Canines






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Filled in by Ophelia 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning 
It's Tuesday, June 21

Today we will have a very tame version.
Dear Webby had a Glaucoma and Cataract exam this afternoon,
and they  messed up his eyes with some kinda poison, that 
dilated them and put them totally out of focus. With total 
disregard for the victim, they didn't give him any antidote. 

They had those medicines in the Roman Empire. I vaguely
remember translating a piece about fashion drugs. High
Society ladies used to take Belladonna to enlarge their pupils,
so that any twerp they looked at, thought it was an admiring 
and interested glance reserved for the hottest hunk in town.

And they also had the opposite or antidote, which they took
before going out into the bright noon sun or if seated facing
the evening sun. It narrowed their pupils without squinting 
or frowning and did not interfere with dedicated flirting.

The exam showed that his eyes are OK, or will be, when that
stuff wears off, but they want to repeat the procedure in 
Octoer. Don't ask him how he feels about that!

Well, to make a long story short, they did not give Dear Webby
any antidoote, and he can't see well enough to read anything.

I know he can sorta typo without constantly looking at his 
keyboard, but that is not good enough for writing a decent 
newsletter. So he wrote me and asked me to fill in for him 
and send my newsletter out to his list.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

Ophelia Dingbatter Please, help me stay online!
Since 1/1/11 free counters 568 Subscribers. Countries

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity go the best of the sheriff, and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy. They all want to buy stuff.." He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of plywood: NUDIST FARM Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
From the year 2000: The AMA and NZMA have declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is now projected that by the year 2010 there will be thirty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who are unable to remember what to do with them. ---------- Thirty Million seems to have been an under-estimate!
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A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please." the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down those steps. After a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells at him testily. "No," croaks the feeble old man... "But it's startin' to twitch."
Click through for the big version Judging by his description, that could be Dear Webby trying to look at his monitor today.
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby
Dear Webby's Humor Letter

The young man had just gotten his driver's permit and his father had agreed to take him out in the family car for practice. The son opened the driver's door and got in the car. His father opened the back door and got in the car. "Dad," said the lad, "aren't you going to sit up front with me?" "No," said the Dad, "I'm going to do what you've done for the past fifteen years. I'm going to sit behind you and kick and knee the seat."
Mysterious Persian Hangout
If you are reading this on Dear Webby's list, he will be back tomorrow.





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That'll Teach 'Em 

Fortune split 92 years after death

SAGINAW, Mich. (UPI) -- A $110 million fortune is being split by the family of a Michigan lumber baron who demanded his money not be distributed until after his grandchildren died.

Chief Probate Judge Patrick McGraw in Saginaw, Mich., ordered the money to be distributed Monday to 12 descendants of Wellington R. Burt Wikipedia Entry, who died in 1919 and left instructions for his money to be held until 21 years after the death of his last grandchild, NBC "Today" reported Friday.

The final grandchild died in 1989 and 30 people claiming to be relatives began trying to retrieve the money in 2010, but genealogical research reduced the number of beneficiaries to 12.

NBC said the heirs range in age from 19 to 94 and are spread across eight states.

Historian Thomas Mudd described the will to NBC News as "one of the most bizarre, if not the most bizarre, ways of distributing money after death that I have ever run into."


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Pinhead of the Year 


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Safest version of FireFox 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 20

I envy those of you, who live in an area, where you have a 
choice of ISPs and especialy those, who have cable. 

Sunday afternoon lightning hit something not too far away, 
resulting in a few seconds of power outage. Everything here 
came back normal, but there was no Internet.

Two hours after the DSL went down, it mysteriously came back on. 

Great! I will be able to send the newsletters out after all!

Some days I wish I had chosen a career as a street sweeper.
I would be eating a lot better, and worry a lot less.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. --- Paul Valery A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ---G. Gordon Liddy We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. ---Winston Churchill
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Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine... except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A brand new and working phone was installed within the hour!
Gramma Liz went to her first show at an art gallery and was looking at the paintings. One was a huge canvas that was black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting was a murky gray color with drips of purple paint streaked across it. Gramma Liz walked over to the artist and said, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," the artist explained. Gramma Liz looked at the paintings again, then just before stalking off sait to him: "If you can't learn to cook, at least eat your pizza before it turns green!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Akira Kirk, 32, in Milwaukee Drunk, no license, no insurance, with 11 kids in car A 32 year-old woman was drunk with twice the legal limit with 11 kids inside the Dodge Durango when she hit the cement wall and flipped the SUV. The crash happened at 2 p.m. Saturday afternoon when Akira Kirk slammed into a cement wall.. Akira Kirk told police, “I’m drunk, arrest me.” Sheriff David Clarke does not want to let her off with a warning. Clarke says that Akira Kirk does not have a driver’s license, and doesn’t have insurance either. He says Akira Kirk is lucky that five of the children only suffered minor injuries. Kirk says she became distracted trying to stop children in the back seat from arguing and fighting. Kirk is now charged with two misdemeanors, for a first-time DUI with children under 16 in her vehicle -- and three felony counts of second-degree reckless endangerment. In Wednesday's court appearance, Kirk's public defender suggested other causes for the accident besides the 24-ounce can of beer she admitted she drank before driving. One of those suggested causes: mechanical failure. Since he is paid by the tax payers anyway, he is going to try to blame Dodge for not steering the vehicle, while the drunk Kirk was refereein the fighting on the back seat. The Sheriff says someone gave Akira Kirk the vehicle, and they are trying to figure out if that person knew that Kirk wasn’t supposed to be driving, and was drunk. Clarke says there should be charges for that person too. Angela Kirk, the driver’s mother, said: “I could care less about people being outraged because they don’t know my daughter. This was a mistake that she made, but I don’t think they should keep her for this.” Her mother obviously needs a Bonehead Award too!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fiona Re: Which FireFox is the best? Dear Webby, I agree that FireFox version 4 may be fast, but crashes too often. So, which version is the best? I don't need a lot of speed, but I don't want it crashing more than once a month. Fiona Dear Fiona In that case, I would recommend FireFox 3.6.15. It is rock solid, even if you have lots of tabs open. You can get 3.6.15 from http://www.oldapps.com/firefox.php?old_firefox=109 Have FUN! DearWebby
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The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he demanded. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife. "He said 'You look great from here too.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Decorative Cake Pan Stepping Stones I wanted to make unique garden ornaments so I started locating cake pans with specific designs, like Tweety or Sylvester, and making concrete decorations from them. I paint them and have unique ornaments no one else has in their yard. By Carol from Indianapolis, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "Very little peer pressure."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball you aced."

» Sweet and Pretty






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Revert from Firefox 4 to 3.6 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 19

Happy Father's Day!

Thanks Gordon!

The enthusiasm over FireFox 4 seems to have backfired.
Too many people jumped onto it too quickly. Sure, it is
faster, but it crashes frequently. 

Luckily it is quite painless to go back to stable versions.
3.6.17 is just as fast, but has the same klutzy placement 
of the HOME and REFRESH icons.

3.6.15 is a tiny bit slower, but has the icons and tabs 
and everything, where you expect them to be.
The exact method for reverting to stable versions is
in the Tech Support Pits.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." --- Henry Louis Mencken "Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth." --- Susan L. Taylor
AD #1

A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game. He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of "silly mid-on," "fine-leg," "googly," "chinaman" and the like. At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, "That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback."
A man realizes he needs to buy a hearing aid, but he is unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asks the clerk. "That depends," says the salesman. "They run from $2 to $20,000." "Let's see the $2 model," the customer says. The clerk puts the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little wire down to your pocket," he says. "How does it work?" the customer asks. "For $2, it doesn't work," the salesman replies. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
Click through the picture to the large version. Marsh Mallow Crop in Norway Click through the picture to the large version. Marsh Mallow Crop in Sioux City, SD
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan J. Jens, 27, in Appleton, Wisconsin Passed out in drive-through for 5th DUI APPLETON — An Appleton man was arrested on suspicion of fifth-offense drunken driving early Wednesday after passing out behind the wheel of his running vehicle in a fast food drive-through lane. Bryan J. Jens, 27, was charged Thursday in Outagamie County Court with felony drunken driving, marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving after revocation. Police were called to the Taco Bell at the intersection of Richmond Street and Northland Avenue just before 2:30 a.m. Wednesday. An officer knocked on Jens' window, but couldn't get his attention. When police finally got him to wake up, he turned up the volume on his car stereo and started bobbing his head to the music. Police commanded Jens to turn off his vehicle several times, "and he did not even acknowledge that they were in his presence," the complaint says. Blood test results weren't available, but the circumstances suggest a "significantly high blood alcohol concentration," Assistant Dist. Atty. Nicholas Bolz said. During the incident, Jens referred to a female officer as "baby" and "honey," the complaint says. When an officer asked Jens to submit to field sobriety tests he replied, "C'mon, we're not all stupid here. Do you even need to do these on me? Serious. C'mon." Police found the marijuana and drug paraphernalia during a search of his car. Court Commissioner Maureen Roberts Budiac ordered Jens held on a $5,000 cash bond. He'll return to court June 23 for further proceedings.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Can you revert from FireFox 4 back to stable versions? Dear Webby, Can you revert from FireFox 4 back to stable versions? Frank Dear Frank Yes, you can revert from FireFox 4 back to stable 3.x versions, if you follow these steps exactly. 1) Decide whether you want speed or comfort. 3.6.17 is just as fast as version 4, but does not crash every time you leave it alone for a few hours. However, it does have the same awkward icon placement as version 4. 3.6.15 is a tiny bit slower, but rock solid. It rarely locks up, and recovers gracefully. You can get download 3.6.17 from http://www.techspot.com/downloads/19-mozilla-firefox.html or 3.6.15 from http://www.oldapps.com/firefox.php?old_firefox=109 After you have safely downloaded the version of your choice, close FireFox with the Task Manager. ( CTRL ALT DEL ) Yes, rudely axe it, with all your 57 tabs open. Then go into the Control Panel, ADD / REMOVE Programs and remove FireFox. In the second panel it will ask you if you want your personal settings dumped too. Don't put a checkmark onto that. Once it has uninstalled FireFox 4, go to your download and install the version of your choice. 3.6.15 will start up smoothly, and offer to restore all your previously open tabs. 3.6.17 may have to be re-installed a second time, before it works smoothly, but then it too will restore all previously open tabs. Nothing is lost. Some of the add-ons don't work exactly the same in 3.6.x, for example if you use Color Tabs, they are not as brightly colored in 3.6.x, unless you fiddle and tune them a bit. Most, though, work just fine, as if you had never detoured to version 4 and back. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I noticed you always carry my photo in your handbag. That's very nice," Paul said to his wife one day. "Well," she says, "when there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears." The man smiles. "You see how good I am for you?" he says. "Yes," she says. "I see your picture and say to myself, 'Compared to THAT, ahem challenge, the rest of life is a breeze.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Line Dried Clothes In The Dryer To Soften Up To save on utilities and clothes softener, I line dry many clothes in the house then put them in the dryer on Air Fluff. It's amazing how soft they become. By Maria Elena from Gwynedd Valley, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug. "Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too." "Well, that's a relief," sighed the stockbroker. "I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading." "Oh nothing fancy like that for me," grinned the convict. "I just murdered a couple of priests and a shrink."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker.

» Original Weater forecasters






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Locked out of AOL 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 18

Four people replied about the flood situation in their area,
and told me everything was dry where they are. 
That definitely was good to read.

Here it was raining again, but it sure has been a totally 
dry month for responses to ads or donations.
No matter what topic or deal I find for the ads, nobody
seems interested in anything. What ARE you interested in?
Or are you waiting until after next fall's election?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. --- Sir William Drummond
AD #1

There was a Sunday school in Nebraska with thriteen children between the ages 4 to 5 yrs old. When the Sunday school teacher asked everyone to raise their hand if they wanted to go to heaven. Twelve of the chidren raised their hand, all except for four year old Johnny. When the Sunday school teacher asked: "Johnny, don't you want to go to Heaven?" Johnny looked around at everyone and replied: Not if this bunch is going."
My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, they were just passing a big truck and a gust of turbulence blew it back in and stuck it to her nose. Her husband looked at her and calmly replied, "Yes, it IS amazing!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Susie Garcia, 45, in Corpus Christi, TX Texter hits police cruiser CORPUS CHRISTI - A 45-year-old woman was arrested Sunday night after police say she rear-ended an officer who had stopped at a red light in the 4700 block of Everhart. Police say Susie Garcia claimed she had been texting when she hit the officer. However, she was taken to the hospital to be checked out and arrested on charges of driving while intoxicated and for an open container of alcohol in the vehicle. Officials say the officer and a ride-a-long passenger were not injured in the crash. Susie Garcia, 45
From the Tech Support Pits: From: June Re: Locked out of AOL Dear Webby, Love your DearWebby newsletter and must start off each day with it. Frequently, when I am just going online, I get a notice that says, "File cabinet currently in use and cannot be opened." What does that mean? I have the impression that it is telling me that someone else is already online using my address. When my daughter was visiting in Vancouver, she was using my e-mail address with my permission so she could let me know her ETA for coming home. When I turned the computer on, I got a message that the computer was already in use and that only one person could access it at a time. I received the e-mail from her a few minutes later when I was able to go online. Are those two statements the same? Are they telling me that someone else has access to my password and is checking out my mail in my box? I am confused. Keep up your good work, and stay well. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to regain your health. June Dear June Yes, that sounds like an AOL "feature". Quite possibly your daughter or somebody else is using your password. Try getting online at other times, when the mystery user is sleeping, and change your password, before the mystery user does that, and locks you out. Have FUN! DearWebby

My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, they were just passing a big truck and a gust of turbulence blew it back in and stuck it to her nose. Her husband looked at her and calmly replied, "Yes, it IS amazing!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Request Movies from the Library I quit renting movies. Instead I utilize my local library. We get to keep the movies for seven nights and it is free. By Tammie from Auburn, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A cashier In the grocery store held up a small dairy carton and yelled to an older co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?" Without a moment's hesitation and in a very patient voice, the other cashier replied, "One half plus one half is one." (for those on other continents, our "Half and Half" is half milk, half cream.)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty- fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty- five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

» Oldies TV






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Which type of domain name is best? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Rain again the last two days, with the rivers rising. I am not worried
about our river here. That one has been pretty well controlled.
How is the flood situation in your area?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

The more somebodys beliefs are based on prejudice, rather than on facts, the more tyrannically they insist that you adopt them. --- Plato "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." --- Barr It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. --- Harry S Truman
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A certain Judge was constantly annoyed by the sneering remarks and abusive language of an attorney. Instead of cracking down on the lawyer and silencing him, the Judge would only smile and chew on his pencil. People wondered how he could be so patient. At a dinner party someone asked him, why don't you do something about that wise guy lawyer? The Judge laid down his fork, and resting his chin upon his hands said: "Up in our town there lives a widow who has a dog. Whenever there is a full moon that dog barks and barks all night." Then the Judge quietly resumed his eating. One person asked, "But Judge, what about the dog and the moon?" He replied, "Well, the moon just keeps right on shining."
I found myself downtown the other day. As I was walking along the sidewalk I noticed a woman walking cautiously, but apparently very painfully in the same direction. She was wearing thongs. In one hand, held high, were a pair of very high heel shoes while her other hand was outstretched for balance. I asked her, "Blisters from those high heels?." She indignantly snapped back, "No! Wet toenails."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Erik Gotimer, 24, in Framington, MA Framingham man charged with driving stolen Benz A Framingham man who was arrested in Ashland and accused of driving a stolen Mercedes Benz while smoking marijuana complained to police about them ending his fun, a prosecutor said in Framingham District Court yesterday. After police arrested Erik Gotimer, 24, at 9:11 p.m. Tuesday, he told them, "Man, you guys ruined my buzz, can't smoke no more weed tonight," prosecutor Maggie Pastuszak said during Gotimer's arraignment. An Ashland officer was on patrol when his automated license-plate reader indicated that a Mercedes sedan was listed as being stolen, the prosecutor said. The officer stopped the car on Holmes Road. "(The officer) asked the operator (Gotimer) if he knew why he was being stopped," Pastuszak said. "He said, 'They (his passengers) have nothing to do with it, and they have no idea.' " The officer was "overwhelmed" by the smell of marijuana coming from the car, the prosecutor said. The officer told Gotimer that the car was stolen, and Gotimer said he had borrowed it from a friend, whom he did not name. "He said, 'I had a feeling it was stolen,' " Pastuszak said. According to a police report filed in court, the car was stolen earlier in the day in Framingham when the owner said she accidentally left the keys inside. Gotimer, of 105 Irving St., was charged with larceny of a vehicle, driving under the influence of marijuana and driving without a license. Pastuszak asked Judge Benjamin Barnes to hold Gotimer on $500 bail. She said he had been convicted seven times in the past and had 10 probation violations. He also skipped court appearances at least three times. "There is concern, based on his record, that he will not show up at his next court date," she said. Gotimer has a lengthy rap sheet containing various charges from beating up his pregnant girlfriend to serious drug charges and not showing up in court. Gotimer's lawyer, Meryl Kukura, asked for her client to be released without bail. She said he had a "pretty good" record of showing up for court. Judge Barnes set Gotimer's bail at $150. He is due back in court July 12 for a pretrial conference.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patty Re: Which domain name ending is best? Dear Webby, I am planning to finally get a web site going. It's getting to the point where even once close family members think I am weird because I don't have a site to put up pictures of the kids and the grandkids and the star pictures we make with the telescope.. What kind of domain should I get, com, net, us, tv, info, name, edu, med, or whatever that alphabet soup is? Thanks Patty Dear Patty Go with a .com That is what people type in without thinking. If they don't get to your site that way, they think your site is down. You don't necessarily need a full domain like webby.com. For your purposes a sub-domain would be just as good, as long as it is a memorable name and does not have a wacky ending. Since you make star pictures, you could for example use patty.martian-underground.com and get that plus 20 MB space for $2 a month. Making the pages is no big deal. Just look for a site that you like, copy it and edit it. EVERY good designer started off that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw these clubs at least 20 yards farther than I could my last ones."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Soap At Outdoor Spigot I put a bar of soap in the toe of a cut off leg of pantyhose and tie it onto my out side water faucets. It is handy for clean up after working in the yard and saves bringing the grime into the house. I have also taken these to picnics, family gatherings, etc. and slip knotted them onto a faucet for hand washing. By plwp12 from Odessa, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, the father replies, "Oh, less than half of them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
For their 20th anniversary Sue and her husband vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for Sue and one handsome young man. As she continued her underwater exploring, she noticed that everywhere she swam, he swam. She snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. Sue felt very flattered and, as she took off her fins, she asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did."

» Life is a Beach






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Fake eBay info requests 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 16

Your government does not really have a monopoly on dumb 
decisions, it just looks that way. Russia is quite eagerly 
competing for the top spot.

They just declared parsley as a dangerous drug.
Yes, common parsley, the stuff ALL kids hate and that adults
eat to freshen their breath and get a few vitamines cheaply.

The Russina Government has not quite understood that the 
importer of the narcotics test device meant, that strong aromatic 
oils like those in parsley can cause false positives. 

By the time that got through Russian Parliament, parsley
was a forbidden drug. 

Forbidden Drug

I am sure all toddlers will appreciate that! 
They have traditionally eyed that stuff with great suspicion.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law. "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. --- Sir Thomas Beecham
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Russel Little of South bend, Indiana Indiana Man Plays Russian Roulette With His Dog A game of Russian roulette with a dog ended when a College Street man put a bullet in his own head. Russell Little was pronounced dead at Memorial Hospital late Tuesday following the self-inflicted gunshot wound in the backyard of his home in the 1600 block of North College Street. Little’s wife told police he was sitting in the backyard depressed and drinking moonshine when he took a handgun and began playing Russian roulette with the pet dog at about 9 p.m. After a couple of empty clicks aimed at the dogs head, “She said he got tired of that, then put the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger,” said Capt. Jim Andrews of the South Bend Police Department. Little did not die at the scene, but "still had a pulse" when he was rushed to Memorial Hospital. He died shortly afterward. He lost. The dog won.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helga Re: Info request from eBay Dear Webby, I got this email from ebayupdate.com asking for all kinds of personal information, credit card and bank info, and even my mother's maiden name. It looks suspicious to me! Unless you tell me it is OK, I won't fill it out. Thanks Helga Dear Helga I got the same spam too. If you peek into the header of that spam, you will see that it is just some sleazy crook and not connected to Ebay at all. You can report it to spoof@ebay.com, or just trash it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

An employee approached his boss and asked for a raise. "Well" began the head man, "business is bad now, Frank, and I just can't afford to give you a raise." "But I'm doing the three men's work and I always have!" retorted Frank. "Three men's work?" exploded the boss. "Tell me who the other two are, and I'll fire them!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Computer Troubleshooting Binder I love my computer but must admit that I'm not savvy on it at all. I am forever coming across a problem that I don't know how to fix and having to call HP, AOL or somebody to help me. I found I was calling lots of times over and over for the same problems. Finally I came up with an idea and it's saved me countless phone calls. Now when I have a problem and have to call, while I'm on the phone I take detailed notes. Then when I'm done I immediately write up the problem and everything that was done to fix the problem on the computer (or hand write it, either way). I keep a notebook binder on the desk now with lots of page protectors in it. Into each page protector goes the problem and fix. Then I stick a tab on the edge with a short "label" of what the problem was. This has saved me a lot of headaches and a lot of time. It's so much faster and easier than trying to call these companies! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three guys, a Newfie, a Quebecker and a New Yorker had shore leave from their jobs on a tanker. They were walking along the dunes a mile from the beach. As it happens so often in this type of joke, they came across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," said the Genie. The New Yorker said: "I want to have the biggest @#$% tanker in the world and I want it right @#$%& here!" With a blink of the Genie's eye and an ear shattering boom, a half mile long tanker landed in the sand dunes in front of him. Seems the Genie was not impressed by the profanity. Next the Quebecker spoke up: "I love my home, La Belle Provence Quebec, but it is being ruined by tourists who don't even speak French. I want a wall all around it that is impenetrable to tourists" Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Quebec, so tall that they can see it from where they are on the shores of Newfoundland. The Newfie then asked: "I'm very curious. Please tell me about this wall !" The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 100 feet thick and completely surrounds the Quebec; no person can get in or out---virtually impenetrable." "Hmm, well, in that case, fill up the space within them thar walls with Screech, and have a tap for me right here." (Screech is Newfie Moonshine, a VERY alcoholic liquid that tastes like a combination of bitter rum barrel drippings and JP4. The "tame" version of screech, that is sold at Govt Liquor Stores, can not be used to power jets. )
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: A lot of money is tainted. It aint yours and it aint mine.

» Metal Printers






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Paraprosdokians 

[Paraprosdokians] Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. Example: "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.



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Spam purportedly from ME! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 15

Almost warm enough to put the top down on the car.
Summer is definitely getting close!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
"My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." --- Fred Marcum You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry
Myrna was asked what she would consider the worst thing to receive on her upcoming twenty-fifth wedding anniversary?" She deadpanned: "Morning Sickness."
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

Thanks to Bill for this story: HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL - 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right hand thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in right arm (To avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front, and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill; put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow through straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat on cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the ------ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13) Tie the little ------'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the "cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs available. --------------- I am not a cat person, but I know how to give a dog a pill: Cover the pill with a spoon full of left-over people food and hand him the plate for half a second.
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Mammillaria Schumannii
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karleena Lorren Kempf, 35, Knox County Illinois Woman arrested on 8 counts of gasoline theft GALESBURG, Ill Police arrested Karleena Lorren Kempf, 35, 99 Elm St., on eight counts of stealing gas from the HyVee store at 2110 E. Main St. According to police reports, station manager Bradley Hopping told police the driver of a white Saturn had taken gas and driven off without paying eight different times between May 19 and June 10. The most recent time he was able to get the license number. He provided police with the receipts of the thefts that gave the times and amounts of gas stolen. Hopping showed the videos of each incident and the officer could tell it was the same car and person pumping the gas. Officers arrested Kempf at her home at 8:53 a.m. Saturday. The police report says while at jail Kempf was advised of her Miranda warning and said she would talk to police. She said she did take the gasoline because she didn’t have money to pay for it, and her boyfriend made her do it. She remains in Knox County jail. The photos and receipts were taken as evidence and Hopping said he could provide a DVD of the video of each theft within a week.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Spam purportedly from ME ! Dear Webby, Does this mean someone has got my passwords?? Or is it a new type of spam? It appears to be from me to me? Mike Dear Mike yes, just spam. They paste your address into the FROM slot just as easy as they paste it into the TO slot. Since most of your Senators act like they have been leased by spammers, don't expect things to get better, until vigilantes take the law into their own hands and burn a few dozen spammers at the stake. Luckily for you, that particular flavor of spam can be filtered easily. Just make a filter in your MailWasher to delete and hide mail from you to you. DON'T bounce it back though ! That would create a loop and plug up your mail box for good. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Computer Troubleshooting Binder I love my computer but must admit that I'm not savvy on it at all. I am forever coming across a problem that I don't know how to fix and having to call HP, AOL or somebody to help me. I found I was calling lots of times over and over for the same problems. Finally I came up with an idea and it's saved me countless phone calls. Now when I have a problem and have to call, while I'm on the phone I take detailed notes. Then when I'm done I immediately write up the problem and everything that was done to fix the problem on the computer (or hand write it, either way). I keep a notebook binder on the desk now with lots of page protectors in it. Into each page protector goes the problem and fix. Then I stick a tab on the edge with a short "label" of what the problem was. This has saved me a lot of headaches and a lot of time. It's so much faster and easier than trying to call these companies! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniver- sary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said: "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

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I'm Glad 

I'm Glad I'm A Man!

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.

I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.

I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.

I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.

I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.

I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

And now it's time for a rebuttal

I'm Glad I'm A Woman!

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!

I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.

I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.

It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.

Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.

I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!


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Before/After 

Things To Be Thankful For


When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment to write an essay on "something I am thankful for". Then I'd spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that could possibly be; and I'd end up writing down everything I could think of from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my priorities have clearly changed:

Before Children:
I was thankful to have been born in the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.
After Children:
I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
After Children:
I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.

Before Children:
I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
After Children:
I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.
After Children:
I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.

Before Children:
I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.
After Children:
I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.

Before Children:
I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
After Children:
I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who let me strip down to pantyhose and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.
After Children:
I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
After Children:
I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.

Before Children:
I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.
After Children:
I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.

Before Children:
I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes.
After Children:
I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.


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Medical Painters 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 14

Now Air Canada is going on strike too. I am sure WestJet will
be happy to hear that and probably will buy another dozen jets 
to cope with the extra business.

Like the post office, Air Canada is stuck with exorbitant 
pensions negotiated a long time ago, when profits were fat 
and the number of retirees small.

Now the profits are slim, and they currently have 26,000 workers
supporting 29,000 pensioners. That just does not work out,
and everybody knows, the company has to either put a stop
to that, or declare bankruptcy. 

The unions don't care. They just want to show their power
like terrorists, and insist on pensions like senators. 

They are not getting any sympathy anywhere. Expect the
Air Canada strike to last a while!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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"To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while." --- Josh Billings "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." --- George Burns
A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy I kicked out in Buffalo!"
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the afternoon."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Sue's Robins
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Guy Hornedeagle, 51, of Lake Andes, SD Man arrested for drunken mower driving LAKE ANDES, S.D., June 13 (UPI) -- Authorities in South Dakota said a man was arrested for driving under the influence -- on a lawn mower. The Charles Mix Sheriff's Office said employees at a travel plaza called deputies Tuesday after Guy Hornedeagle, 51, of Lake Andes, filled his mower up with gas and purchased a beer, The (Mitchell, S.D.) Daily Republic reported Monday. The employees said Hornedeagle appeared intoxicated. Sheriff Randy Thaler said Deputy Andrew Stirling caught up with Hornedeagle on westbound Highway 46 and saw him finish the beer and throw it to the side of the road. Hornedeagle was arrested and charged with DUI, open container and littering. He was released on bond and is scheduled to appear in court June 21.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amy Re: Unreliable subscription Dear Webby, same thing happened to me in both my hotmail and yahoo accounts, so I just put you in my browser favorites and go there everyday, why put up with the hassle from your email account, sincerely, Amy Dear Amy Once you get a respectable email address, those problems will go away instantly. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Let Dough Rise in Microwave no change from yesterday I love to bake homemade bread and pizza dough and don't really care for bread machine results (yeah I know they're so much easier). When I make breads by hand, I need a nice warm, clean, out of the way place for the dough to rise. I have been putting the dough in my microwave (turned off, of course) and letting it rise there with the best results. It frees up my counter space and is clean and warm. So make use of that idle microwave when in need of a place for dough to rise. I've even got some pizza dough rising in mine right now for entertaining friends later. By blazincopper from Blue Bell, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are a bit hard to believe."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do an awful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. But there are also some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the real reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

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The Best Things... 


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Not getting subscriptions on Hotmail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 13

Today the postal service here in Canada goes onto a 3 day
per week schedule in urban areas. 

How did that come about?
The people hit back at the union, trying to hold our mail for 
ransom. 
"Fine, if you want to play terrorist, then we will simply not 
use the mail. There ARE alternatives nowadays!"

Most likely next week they will be cut to two days per week.
And then the lay-offs will start. "Due to the low volume of
mail, your sevices are no longer required."

Seems to be the end of traditional unions holding the
population for ransom.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin "Genius without education is like silver in the mine." --- Benjamin Franklin "When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality." --- Al Capone
A fine funeral was ordered for a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of the cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder. "Well," commented one of the mourners, "sounds like she got told where to go."
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is lent out to the neighbor and broken.
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis Edwin Huffman, 25, and his mother, Kimberly "Butterbean" Meadows, 43, of Porter, Texas Man texts cop in drug deal PORTER, Texas, June 8 (UPI) -- Texas police say a mother and son were arrested on narcotics charges by an officer who received the son's text message outlining a drug deal. A police statement said Travis Edwin Huffman, 25, of Porter, Texas, allegedly was trying to arrange the sale of narcotic pain pills but mis-sent his intended text to the phone of a Montgomery County police officer. Precinct 4 undercover narcotics investigators Lt. Mark Seals and Sgt. Ricky Warwick arranged a buy Tuesday in the parking lot of the Porter Walmart. After Huffman sold police hydrocodone pills out of his car, he was arrested, KTRK-TV, Houston, reported Wednesday. Police then went to the home Huffman shared with his mother, Kimberly "Butterbean" Meadows, 43, where they found marijuana. After police took Meadows into custody for the marijuana, she allegedly told them she gave Huffman the hydrocodone pills to sell so they would split the proceeds. Huffman allegedly corroborated his mother's statement and both mother and son are now charged with delivery of a controlled substance, the TV station said. "We've arrested a large number of people for selling narcotics in East County, but this is the first time I can recall a dealer who was contacting us to set up a transaction," Police Constable Kenneth Hayden said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim K Re: Unreliable subscription Dear Webby, Why is my subscription so unreliable? I usually get your newsletter about twice a week, some others once a week or once every two weeks, but I get spam every day of the week.And now and then, I get the same subscription twice in the same day! What can I do about that? Kim K. Dear Kim That is about normal for Hotmail users.They use a totally insane quota system. When a certain number of emails have arrived from any one block of IP numbers, all further ones are blocked for the rest of the day. If you go around and shoot all the other subscribers with ho'mail addresses, then you would get your subscription every day. However, some of them might not like that and shoot back. So I don't recommend that method. Victims of Yahoo have similar problems, except with Yahoo, there is no discernible method to their madness. In both cases, I recommend that you get a Gmail address on the side for important stuff. You can continue using ho'mail and Yahoo for cyber sex and for getting onto the mailing lists of spammers, but at least you have one reliable address for utility bills and for subscriptions. Gmail addresses are free, and easy to customize. AND, you can handle your Gmail with any full featured POP email program. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Let Dough Rise in Microwave I love to bake homemade bread and pizza dough and don't really care for bread machine results (yeah I know they're so much easier). When I make breads by hand, I need a nice warm, clean, out of the way place for the dough to rise. I have been putting the dough in my microwave (turned off, of course) and letting it rise there with the best results. It frees up my counter space and is clean and warm. So make use of that idle microwave when in need of a place for dough to rise. I've even got some pizza dough rising in mine right now for entertaining friends later. By blazincopper from Blue Bell, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for commiting this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk. He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "Okay," the man says, "You take the front and I'll take the back."

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Great Signs 






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Och Indeed! 


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20 Gbps connection 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 11

The nice weather did not last. 
It rained most of the day. We have pretty good drainage here,
but I do feel sorry for the people in the South, who have to
cope with all the water that flows their way.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. --- Russell Baker You are as old as how and whome you feel. --- Socratex
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his own sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Chicago Bears" Naturally she replied, "Cold water only gentle cycle."

Roy was going to bed the other night when Carla told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see it from the bedroom window. As Roy looked for himself, he saw that there were people in the shed taking things. He phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available, probably in the morning. Roy said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because of a burglary in progress in my shed in the back yard of 234 Oak street. Well, you don't have to worry about them now. I'm shooting them all. If somebody does come over, I'll be in the shed, just in case one of those crooks isn't quite dead and needs another shot." Within five minutes there were a dozen police cars surrounding the shed, and a SWAT team, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers later asked Roy: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" Roy replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available! And if you had not shown up, I would have had to!"
Thanks to betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angus McClure, 26 in Greenock, Scotland Skid marker
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsinore Re: Connectivity Dear Webby, I read that the average connection speed for home users in Korea is 20 Gbps. Is that just propaganda? If it is true, what can we do to get the same speed here? Elsinore Dear Elsinore It is true indeed, for South Korea. North Korea, just like the US, is not in the top 10 for HOME connectivity speed. South Korea uses mostly Cable and wireless, and almost no Internet over phone lines. They don't have to cope with the huge distances we have in North America, and their fiber and cable networks are fairly new. About all you can do is move to an area, where you can get TV cable. With TV-cable 20 Gbps is not a big deal, except when you talk to the ISP. They want you to pay a lot more for that, even though the difference between 2 and 20 Gbps is just a software setting, not different hardware. As long as there is no real competition, they charge whatever they can get away with. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information!

Trisha came running into the house after summer school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Milk Jug for Organizing Plastic Bags Removing Lint from the Dryer Re-use your just used dryer sheet to remove the lint from the lint-screen. It grabs the lint easily and it will help preserve your manicured nails! By tahloolabelle from Ventura, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a West Virginia Mountain man was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On his third day the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army is still looking for him.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert! A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.

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