That'll Teach 'Em 

Fortune split 92 years after death

SAGINAW, Mich. (UPI) -- A $110 million fortune is being split by the family of a Michigan lumber baron who demanded his money not be distributed until after his grandchildren died.

Chief Probate Judge Patrick McGraw in Saginaw, Mich., ordered the money to be distributed Monday to 12 descendants of Wellington R. Burt Wikipedia Entry, who died in 1919 and left instructions for his money to be held until 21 years after the death of his last grandchild, NBC "Today" reported Friday.

The final grandchild died in 1989 and 30 people claiming to be relatives began trying to retrieve the money in 2010, but genealogical research reduced the number of beneficiaries to 12.

NBC said the heirs range in age from 19 to 94 and are spread across eight states.

Historian Thomas Mudd described the will to NBC News as "one of the most bizarre, if not the most bizarre, ways of distributing money after death that I have ever run into."


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Pinhead of the Year 


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Safest version of FireFox 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 20

I envy those of you, who live in an area, where you have a 
choice of ISPs and especialy those, who have cable. 

Sunday afternoon lightning hit something not too far away, 
resulting in a few seconds of power outage. Everything here 
came back normal, but there was no Internet.

Two hours after the DSL went down, it mysteriously came back on. 

Great! I will be able to send the newsletters out after all!

Some days I wish I had chosen a career as a street sweeper.
I would be eating a lot better, and worry a lot less.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. --- Paul Valery A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ---G. Gordon Liddy We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. ---Winston Churchill
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Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine... except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A brand new and working phone was installed within the hour!
Gramma Liz went to her first show at an art gallery and was looking at the paintings. One was a huge canvas that was black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting was a murky gray color with drips of purple paint streaked across it. Gramma Liz walked over to the artist and said, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," the artist explained. Gramma Liz looked at the paintings again, then just before stalking off sait to him: "If you can't learn to cook, at least eat your pizza before it turns green!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Akira Kirk, 32, in Milwaukee Drunk, no license, no insurance, with 11 kids in car A 32 year-old woman was drunk with twice the legal limit with 11 kids inside the Dodge Durango when she hit the cement wall and flipped the SUV. The crash happened at 2 p.m. Saturday afternoon when Akira Kirk slammed into a cement wall.. Akira Kirk told police, “I’m drunk, arrest me.” Sheriff David Clarke does not want to let her off with a warning. Clarke says that Akira Kirk does not have a driver’s license, and doesn’t have insurance either. He says Akira Kirk is lucky that five of the children only suffered minor injuries. Kirk says she became distracted trying to stop children in the back seat from arguing and fighting. Kirk is now charged with two misdemeanors, for a first-time DUI with children under 16 in her vehicle -- and three felony counts of second-degree reckless endangerment. In Wednesday's court appearance, Kirk's public defender suggested other causes for the accident besides the 24-ounce can of beer she admitted she drank before driving. One of those suggested causes: mechanical failure. Since he is paid by the tax payers anyway, he is going to try to blame Dodge for not steering the vehicle, while the drunk Kirk was refereein the fighting on the back seat. The Sheriff says someone gave Akira Kirk the vehicle, and they are trying to figure out if that person knew that Kirk wasn’t supposed to be driving, and was drunk. Clarke says there should be charges for that person too. Angela Kirk, the driver’s mother, said: “I could care less about people being outraged because they don’t know my daughter. This was a mistake that she made, but I don’t think they should keep her for this.” Her mother obviously needs a Bonehead Award too!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fiona Re: Which FireFox is the best? Dear Webby, I agree that FireFox version 4 may be fast, but crashes too often. So, which version is the best? I don't need a lot of speed, but I don't want it crashing more than once a month. Fiona Dear Fiona In that case, I would recommend FireFox 3.6.15. It is rock solid, even if you have lots of tabs open. You can get 3.6.15 from http://www.oldapps.com/firefox.php?old_firefox=109 Have FUN! DearWebby
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The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he demanded. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife. "He said 'You look great from here too.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Decorative Cake Pan Stepping Stones I wanted to make unique garden ornaments so I started locating cake pans with specific designs, like Tweety or Sylvester, and making concrete decorations from them. I paint them and have unique ornaments no one else has in their yard. By Carol from Indianapolis, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "Very little peer pressure."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball you aced."

» Sweet and Pretty






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Revert from Firefox 4 to 3.6 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 19

Happy Father's Day!

Thanks Gordon!

The enthusiasm over FireFox 4 seems to have backfired.
Too many people jumped onto it too quickly. Sure, it is
faster, but it crashes frequently. 

Luckily it is quite painless to go back to stable versions.
3.6.17 is just as fast, but has the same klutzy placement 
of the HOME and REFRESH icons.

3.6.15 is a tiny bit slower, but has the icons and tabs 
and everything, where you expect them to be.
The exact method for reverting to stable versions is
in the Tech Support Pits.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." --- Henry Louis Mencken "Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth." --- Susan L. Taylor
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A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game. He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of "silly mid-on," "fine-leg," "googly," "chinaman" and the like. At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, "That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback."
A man realizes he needs to buy a hearing aid, but he is unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asks the clerk. "That depends," says the salesman. "They run from $2 to $20,000." "Let's see the $2 model," the customer says. The clerk puts the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little wire down to your pocket," he says. "How does it work?" the customer asks. "For $2, it doesn't work," the salesman replies. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
Click through the picture to the large version. Marsh Mallow Crop in Norway Click through the picture to the large version. Marsh Mallow Crop in Sioux City, SD
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan J. Jens, 27, in Appleton, Wisconsin Passed out in drive-through for 5th DUI APPLETON — An Appleton man was arrested on suspicion of fifth-offense drunken driving early Wednesday after passing out behind the wheel of his running vehicle in a fast food drive-through lane. Bryan J. Jens, 27, was charged Thursday in Outagamie County Court with felony drunken driving, marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving after revocation. Police were called to the Taco Bell at the intersection of Richmond Street and Northland Avenue just before 2:30 a.m. Wednesday. An officer knocked on Jens' window, but couldn't get his attention. When police finally got him to wake up, he turned up the volume on his car stereo and started bobbing his head to the music. Police commanded Jens to turn off his vehicle several times, "and he did not even acknowledge that they were in his presence," the complaint says. Blood test results weren't available, but the circumstances suggest a "significantly high blood alcohol concentration," Assistant Dist. Atty. Nicholas Bolz said. During the incident, Jens referred to a female officer as "baby" and "honey," the complaint says. When an officer asked Jens to submit to field sobriety tests he replied, "C'mon, we're not all stupid here. Do you even need to do these on me? Serious. C'mon." Police found the marijuana and drug paraphernalia during a search of his car. Court Commissioner Maureen Roberts Budiac ordered Jens held on a $5,000 cash bond. He'll return to court June 23 for further proceedings.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Can you revert from FireFox 4 back to stable versions? Dear Webby, Can you revert from FireFox 4 back to stable versions? Frank Dear Frank Yes, you can revert from FireFox 4 back to stable 3.x versions, if you follow these steps exactly. 1) Decide whether you want speed or comfort. 3.6.17 is just as fast as version 4, but does not crash every time you leave it alone for a few hours. However, it does have the same awkward icon placement as version 4. 3.6.15 is a tiny bit slower, but rock solid. It rarely locks up, and recovers gracefully. You can get download 3.6.17 from http://www.techspot.com/downloads/19-mozilla-firefox.html or 3.6.15 from http://www.oldapps.com/firefox.php?old_firefox=109 After you have safely downloaded the version of your choice, close FireFox with the Task Manager. ( CTRL ALT DEL ) Yes, rudely axe it, with all your 57 tabs open. Then go into the Control Panel, ADD / REMOVE Programs and remove FireFox. In the second panel it will ask you if you want your personal settings dumped too. Don't put a checkmark onto that. Once it has uninstalled FireFox 4, go to your download and install the version of your choice. 3.6.15 will start up smoothly, and offer to restore all your previously open tabs. 3.6.17 may have to be re-installed a second time, before it works smoothly, but then it too will restore all previously open tabs. Nothing is lost. Some of the add-ons don't work exactly the same in 3.6.x, for example if you use Color Tabs, they are not as brightly colored in 3.6.x, unless you fiddle and tune them a bit. Most, though, work just fine, as if you had never detoured to version 4 and back. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I noticed you always carry my photo in your handbag. That's very nice," Paul said to his wife one day. "Well," she says, "when there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears." The man smiles. "You see how good I am for you?" he says. "Yes," she says. "I see your picture and say to myself, 'Compared to THAT, ahem challenge, the rest of life is a breeze.'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Place Line Dried Clothes In The Dryer To Soften Up To save on utilities and clothes softener, I line dry many clothes in the house then put them in the dryer on Air Fluff. It's amazing how soft they become. By Maria Elena from Gwynedd Valley, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug. "Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too." "Well, that's a relief," sighed the stockbroker. "I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading." "Oh nothing fancy like that for me," grinned the convict. "I just murdered a couple of priests and a shrink."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker.

» Original Weater forecasters






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Locked out of AOL 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 18

Four people replied about the flood situation in their area,
and told me everything was dry where they are. 
That definitely was good to read.

Here it was raining again, but it sure has been a totally 
dry month for responses to ads or donations.
No matter what topic or deal I find for the ads, nobody
seems interested in anything. What ARE you interested in?
Or are you waiting until after next fall's election?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. --- Sir William Drummond
AD #1

There was a Sunday school in Nebraska with thriteen children between the ages 4 to 5 yrs old. When the Sunday school teacher asked everyone to raise their hand if they wanted to go to heaven. Twelve of the chidren raised their hand, all except for four year old Johnny. When the Sunday school teacher asked: "Johnny, don't you want to go to Heaven?" Johnny looked around at everyone and replied: Not if this bunch is going."
My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, they were just passing a big truck and a gust of turbulence blew it back in and stuck it to her nose. Her husband looked at her and calmly replied, "Yes, it IS amazing!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Susie Garcia, 45, in Corpus Christi, TX Texter hits police cruiser CORPUS CHRISTI - A 45-year-old woman was arrested Sunday night after police say she rear-ended an officer who had stopped at a red light in the 4700 block of Everhart. Police say Susie Garcia claimed she had been texting when she hit the officer. However, she was taken to the hospital to be checked out and arrested on charges of driving while intoxicated and for an open container of alcohol in the vehicle. Officials say the officer and a ride-a-long passenger were not injured in the crash. Susie Garcia, 45
From the Tech Support Pits: From: June Re: Locked out of AOL Dear Webby, Love your DearWebby newsletter and must start off each day with it. Frequently, when I am just going online, I get a notice that says, "File cabinet currently in use and cannot be opened." What does that mean? I have the impression that it is telling me that someone else is already online using my address. When my daughter was visiting in Vancouver, she was using my e-mail address with my permission so she could let me know her ETA for coming home. When I turned the computer on, I got a message that the computer was already in use and that only one person could access it at a time. I received the e-mail from her a few minutes later when I was able to go online. Are those two statements the same? Are they telling me that someone else has access to my password and is checking out my mail in my box? I am confused. Keep up your good work, and stay well. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to regain your health. June Dear June Yes, that sounds like an AOL "feature". Quite possibly your daughter or somebody else is using your password. Try getting online at other times, when the mystery user is sleeping, and change your password, before the mystery user does that, and locks you out. Have FUN! DearWebby

My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, they were just passing a big truck and a gust of turbulence blew it back in and stuck it to her nose. Her husband looked at her and calmly replied, "Yes, it IS amazing!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Request Movies from the Library I quit renting movies. Instead I utilize my local library. We get to keep the movies for seven nights and it is free. By Tammie from Auburn, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A cashier In the grocery store held up a small dairy carton and yelled to an older co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?" Without a moment's hesitation and in a very patient voice, the other cashier replied, "One half plus one half is one." (for those on other continents, our "Half and Half" is half milk, half cream.)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty- fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty- five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to a fine parish full of understanding and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

» Oldies TV






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Which type of domain name is best? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Rain again the last two days, with the rivers rising. I am not worried
about our river here. That one has been pretty well controlled.
How is the flood situation in your area?

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

The more somebodys beliefs are based on prejudice, rather than on facts, the more tyrannically they insist that you adopt them. --- Plato "A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." --- Barr It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. --- Harry S Truman
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A certain Judge was constantly annoyed by the sneering remarks and abusive language of an attorney. Instead of cracking down on the lawyer and silencing him, the Judge would only smile and chew on his pencil. People wondered how he could be so patient. At a dinner party someone asked him, why don't you do something about that wise guy lawyer? The Judge laid down his fork, and resting his chin upon his hands said: "Up in our town there lives a widow who has a dog. Whenever there is a full moon that dog barks and barks all night." Then the Judge quietly resumed his eating. One person asked, "But Judge, what about the dog and the moon?" He replied, "Well, the moon just keeps right on shining."
I found myself downtown the other day. As I was walking along the sidewalk I noticed a woman walking cautiously, but apparently very painfully in the same direction. She was wearing thongs. In one hand, held high, were a pair of very high heel shoes while her other hand was outstretched for balance. I asked her, "Blisters from those high heels?." She indignantly snapped back, "No! Wet toenails."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Erik Gotimer, 24, in Framington, MA Framingham man charged with driving stolen Benz A Framingham man who was arrested in Ashland and accused of driving a stolen Mercedes Benz while smoking marijuana complained to police about them ending his fun, a prosecutor said in Framingham District Court yesterday. After police arrested Erik Gotimer, 24, at 9:11 p.m. Tuesday, he told them, "Man, you guys ruined my buzz, can't smoke no more weed tonight," prosecutor Maggie Pastuszak said during Gotimer's arraignment. An Ashland officer was on patrol when his automated license-plate reader indicated that a Mercedes sedan was listed as being stolen, the prosecutor said. The officer stopped the car on Holmes Road. "(The officer) asked the operator (Gotimer) if he knew why he was being stopped," Pastuszak said. "He said, 'They (his passengers) have nothing to do with it, and they have no idea.' " The officer was "overwhelmed" by the smell of marijuana coming from the car, the prosecutor said. The officer told Gotimer that the car was stolen, and Gotimer said he had borrowed it from a friend, whom he did not name. "He said, 'I had a feeling it was stolen,' " Pastuszak said. According to a police report filed in court, the car was stolen earlier in the day in Framingham when the owner said she accidentally left the keys inside. Gotimer, of 105 Irving St., was charged with larceny of a vehicle, driving under the influence of marijuana and driving without a license. Pastuszak asked Judge Benjamin Barnes to hold Gotimer on $500 bail. She said he had been convicted seven times in the past and had 10 probation violations. He also skipped court appearances at least three times. "There is concern, based on his record, that he will not show up at his next court date," she said. Gotimer has a lengthy rap sheet containing various charges from beating up his pregnant girlfriend to serious drug charges and not showing up in court. Gotimer's lawyer, Meryl Kukura, asked for her client to be released without bail. She said he had a "pretty good" record of showing up for court. Judge Barnes set Gotimer's bail at $150. He is due back in court July 12 for a pretrial conference.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patty Re: Which domain name ending is best? Dear Webby, I am planning to finally get a web site going. It's getting to the point where even once close family members think I am weird because I don't have a site to put up pictures of the kids and the grandkids and the star pictures we make with the telescope.. What kind of domain should I get, com, net, us, tv, info, name, edu, med, or whatever that alphabet soup is? Thanks Patty Dear Patty Go with a .com That is what people type in without thinking. If they don't get to your site that way, they think your site is down. You don't necessarily need a full domain like webby.com. For your purposes a sub-domain would be just as good, as long as it is a memorable name and does not have a wacky ending. Since you make star pictures, you could for example use patty.martian-underground.com and get that plus 20 MB space for $2 a month. Making the pages is no big deal. Just look for a site that you like, copy it and edit it. EVERY good designer started off that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw these clubs at least 20 yards farther than I could my last ones."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Soap At Outdoor Spigot I put a bar of soap in the toe of a cut off leg of pantyhose and tie it onto my out side water faucets. It is handy for clean up after working in the yard and saves bringing the grime into the house. I have also taken these to picnics, family gatherings, etc. and slip knotted them onto a faucet for hand washing. By plwp12 from Odessa, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, the father replies, "Oh, less than half of them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
For their 20th anniversary Sue and her husband vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for Sue and one handsome young man. As she continued her underwater exploring, she noticed that everywhere she swam, he swam. She snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. Sue felt very flattered and, as she took off her fins, she asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did."

» Life is a Beach






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Fake eBay info requests 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 16

Your government does not really have a monopoly on dumb 
decisions, it just looks that way. Russia is quite eagerly 
competing for the top spot.

They just declared parsley as a dangerous drug.
Yes, common parsley, the stuff ALL kids hate and that adults
eat to freshen their breath and get a few vitamines cheaply.

The Russina Government has not quite understood that the 
importer of the narcotics test device meant, that strong aromatic 
oils like those in parsley can cause false positives. 

By the time that got through Russian Parliament, parsley
was a forbidden drug. 

Forbidden Drug

I am sure all toddlers will appreciate that! 
They have traditionally eyed that stuff with great suspicion.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?" Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law. "No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. --- Sir Thomas Beecham
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Russel Little of South bend, Indiana Indiana Man Plays Russian Roulette With His Dog A game of Russian roulette with a dog ended when a College Street man put a bullet in his own head. Russell Little was pronounced dead at Memorial Hospital late Tuesday following the self-inflicted gunshot wound in the backyard of his home in the 1600 block of North College Street. Little’s wife told police he was sitting in the backyard depressed and drinking moonshine when he took a handgun and began playing Russian roulette with the pet dog at about 9 p.m. After a couple of empty clicks aimed at the dogs head, “She said he got tired of that, then put the gun to his own head and pulled the trigger,” said Capt. Jim Andrews of the South Bend Police Department. Little did not die at the scene, but "still had a pulse" when he was rushed to Memorial Hospital. He died shortly afterward. He lost. The dog won.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helga Re: Info request from eBay Dear Webby, I got this email from ebayupdate.com asking for all kinds of personal information, credit card and bank info, and even my mother's maiden name. It looks suspicious to me! Unless you tell me it is OK, I won't fill it out. Thanks Helga Dear Helga I got the same spam too. If you peek into the header of that spam, you will see that it is just some sleazy crook and not connected to Ebay at all. You can report it to spoof@ebay.com, or just trash it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

An employee approached his boss and asked for a raise. "Well" began the head man, "business is bad now, Frank, and I just can't afford to give you a raise." "But I'm doing the three men's work and I always have!" retorted Frank. "Three men's work?" exploded the boss. "Tell me who the other two are, and I'll fire them!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Computer Troubleshooting Binder I love my computer but must admit that I'm not savvy on it at all. I am forever coming across a problem that I don't know how to fix and having to call HP, AOL or somebody to help me. I found I was calling lots of times over and over for the same problems. Finally I came up with an idea and it's saved me countless phone calls. Now when I have a problem and have to call, while I'm on the phone I take detailed notes. Then when I'm done I immediately write up the problem and everything that was done to fix the problem on the computer (or hand write it, either way). I keep a notebook binder on the desk now with lots of page protectors in it. Into each page protector goes the problem and fix. Then I stick a tab on the edge with a short "label" of what the problem was. This has saved me a lot of headaches and a lot of time. It's so much faster and easier than trying to call these companies! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three guys, a Newfie, a Quebecker and a New Yorker had shore leave from their jobs on a tanker. They were walking along the dunes a mile from the beach. As it happens so often in this type of joke, they came across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," said the Genie. The New Yorker said: "I want to have the biggest @#$% tanker in the world and I want it right @#$%& here!" With a blink of the Genie's eye and an ear shattering boom, a half mile long tanker landed in the sand dunes in front of him. Seems the Genie was not impressed by the profanity. Next the Quebecker spoke up: "I love my home, La Belle Provence Quebec, but it is being ruined by tourists who don't even speak French. I want a wall all around it that is impenetrable to tourists" Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Quebec, so tall that they can see it from where they are on the shores of Newfoundland. The Newfie then asked: "I'm very curious. Please tell me about this wall !" The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 100 feet thick and completely surrounds the Quebec; no person can get in or out---virtually impenetrable." "Hmm, well, in that case, fill up the space within them thar walls with Screech, and have a tap for me right here." (Screech is Newfie Moonshine, a VERY alcoholic liquid that tastes like a combination of bitter rum barrel drippings and JP4. The "tame" version of screech, that is sold at Govt Liquor Stores, can not be used to power jets. )
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert: A lot of money is tainted. It aint yours and it aint mine.

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Paraprosdokians 

[Paraprosdokians] Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. Example: "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.



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Spam purportedly from ME! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 15

Almost warm enough to put the top down on the car.
Summer is definitely getting close!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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"My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working." --- Fred Marcum You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry
Myrna was asked what she would consider the worst thing to receive on her upcoming twenty-fifth wedding anniversary?" She deadpanned: "Morning Sickness."
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

Thanks to Bill for this story: HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL - 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right hand thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in right arm (To avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear paws tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front, and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill; put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow through straw. 9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat on cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the ------ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 13) Tie the little ------'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the "cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any guinea pigs available. --------------- I am not a cat person, but I know how to give a dog a pill: Cover the pill with a spoon full of left-over people food and hand him the plate for half a second.
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Mammillaria Schumannii
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karleena Lorren Kempf, 35, Knox County Illinois Woman arrested on 8 counts of gasoline theft GALESBURG, Ill Police arrested Karleena Lorren Kempf, 35, 99 Elm St., on eight counts of stealing gas from the HyVee store at 2110 E. Main St. According to police reports, station manager Bradley Hopping told police the driver of a white Saturn had taken gas and driven off without paying eight different times between May 19 and June 10. The most recent time he was able to get the license number. He provided police with the receipts of the thefts that gave the times and amounts of gas stolen. Hopping showed the videos of each incident and the officer could tell it was the same car and person pumping the gas. Officers arrested Kempf at her home at 8:53 a.m. Saturday. The police report says while at jail Kempf was advised of her Miranda warning and said she would talk to police. She said she did take the gasoline because she didn’t have money to pay for it, and her boyfriend made her do it. She remains in Knox County jail. The photos and receipts were taken as evidence and Hopping said he could provide a DVD of the video of each theft within a week.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Spam purportedly from ME ! Dear Webby, Does this mean someone has got my passwords?? Or is it a new type of spam? It appears to be from me to me? Mike Dear Mike yes, just spam. They paste your address into the FROM slot just as easy as they paste it into the TO slot. Since most of your Senators act like they have been leased by spammers, don't expect things to get better, until vigilantes take the law into their own hands and burn a few dozen spammers at the stake. Luckily for you, that particular flavor of spam can be filtered easily. Just make a filter in your MailWasher to delete and hide mail from you to you. DON'T bounce it back though ! That would create a loop and plug up your mail box for good. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Computer Troubleshooting Binder I love my computer but must admit that I'm not savvy on it at all. I am forever coming across a problem that I don't know how to fix and having to call HP, AOL or somebody to help me. I found I was calling lots of times over and over for the same problems. Finally I came up with an idea and it's saved me countless phone calls. Now when I have a problem and have to call, while I'm on the phone I take detailed notes. Then when I'm done I immediately write up the problem and everything that was done to fix the problem on the computer (or hand write it, either way). I keep a notebook binder on the desk now with lots of page protectors in it. Into each page protector goes the problem and fix. Then I stick a tab on the edge with a short "label" of what the problem was. This has saved me a lot of headaches and a lot of time. It's so much faster and easier than trying to call these companies! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniver- sary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said: "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

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I'm Glad 

I'm Glad I'm A Man!

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese.

I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.

I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.

I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.

I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.

I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

And now it's time for a rebuttal

I'm Glad I'm A Woman!

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.

I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!

I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.

I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.

It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.

I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.

Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.

I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!


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Before/After 

Things To Be Thankful For


When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment to write an essay on "something I am thankful for". Then I'd spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that could possibly be; and I'd end up writing down everything I could think of from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my priorities have clearly changed:

Before Children:
I was thankful to have been born in the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.
After Children:
I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the recycling program which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
After Children:
I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.

Before Children:
I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
After Children:
I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.
After Children:
I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.

Before Children:
I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.
After Children:
I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.

Before Children:
I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
After Children:
I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher who let me strip down to pantyhose and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.
After Children:
I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.

Before Children:
I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
After Children:
I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.

Before Children:
I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.
After Children:
I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.

Before Children:
I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes.
After Children:
I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.


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Medical Painters 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 14

Now Air Canada is going on strike too. I am sure WestJet will
be happy to hear that and probably will buy another dozen jets 
to cope with the extra business.

Like the post office, Air Canada is stuck with exorbitant 
pensions negotiated a long time ago, when profits were fat 
and the number of retirees small.

Now the profits are slim, and they currently have 26,000 workers
supporting 29,000 pensioners. That just does not work out,
and everybody knows, the company has to either put a stop
to that, or declare bankruptcy. 

The unions don't care. They just want to show their power
like terrorists, and insist on pensions like senators. 

They are not getting any sympathy anywhere. Expect the
Air Canada strike to last a while!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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"To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while." --- Josh Billings "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." --- George Burns
A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy I kicked out in Buffalo!"
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the afternoon."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Sue's Robins
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Guy Hornedeagle, 51, of Lake Andes, SD Man arrested for drunken mower driving LAKE ANDES, S.D., June 13 (UPI) -- Authorities in South Dakota said a man was arrested for driving under the influence -- on a lawn mower. The Charles Mix Sheriff's Office said employees at a travel plaza called deputies Tuesday after Guy Hornedeagle, 51, of Lake Andes, filled his mower up with gas and purchased a beer, The (Mitchell, S.D.) Daily Republic reported Monday. The employees said Hornedeagle appeared intoxicated. Sheriff Randy Thaler said Deputy Andrew Stirling caught up with Hornedeagle on westbound Highway 46 and saw him finish the beer and throw it to the side of the road. Hornedeagle was arrested and charged with DUI, open container and littering. He was released on bond and is scheduled to appear in court June 21.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amy Re: Unreliable subscription Dear Webby, same thing happened to me in both my hotmail and yahoo accounts, so I just put you in my browser favorites and go there everyday, why put up with the hassle from your email account, sincerely, Amy Dear Amy Once you get a respectable email address, those problems will go away instantly. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery

Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Let Dough Rise in Microwave no change from yesterday I love to bake homemade bread and pizza dough and don't really care for bread machine results (yeah I know they're so much easier). When I make breads by hand, I need a nice warm, clean, out of the way place for the dough to rise. I have been putting the dough in my microwave (turned off, of course) and letting it rise there with the best results. It frees up my counter space and is clean and warm. So make use of that idle microwave when in need of a place for dough to rise. I've even got some pizza dough rising in mine right now for entertaining friends later. By blazincopper from Blue Bell, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that are a bit hard to believe."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do an awful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. But there are also some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the real reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

» Aero-Dynamics






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The Best Things... 


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Not getting subscriptions on Hotmail 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 13

Today the postal service here in Canada goes onto a 3 day
per week schedule in urban areas. 

How did that come about?
The people hit back at the union, trying to hold our mail for 
ransom. 
"Fine, if you want to play terrorist, then we will simply not 
use the mail. There ARE alternatives nowadays!"

Most likely next week they will be cut to two days per week.
And then the lay-offs will start. "Due to the low volume of
mail, your sevices are no longer required."

Seems to be the end of traditional unions holding the
population for ransom.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin "Genius without education is like silver in the mine." --- Benjamin Franklin "When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality." --- Al Capone
A fine funeral was ordered for a woman who had henpecked her husband, driven her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of the cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor's benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder. "Well," commented one of the mourners, "sounds like she got told where to go."
Face Book Fan Page in a Box is everything you need to make a successful Facebook Fanpage. It is a constantly evolving product that will keep you ahead of the ever changing Facebook landscape. A lifetime membership wil guarantee you the newest updates. Good deal!

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is lent out to the neighbor and broken.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis Edwin Huffman, 25, and his mother, Kimberly "Butterbean" Meadows, 43, of Porter, Texas Man texts cop in drug deal PORTER, Texas, June 8 (UPI) -- Texas police say a mother and son were arrested on narcotics charges by an officer who received the son's text message outlining a drug deal. A police statement said Travis Edwin Huffman, 25, of Porter, Texas, allegedly was trying to arrange the sale of narcotic pain pills but mis-sent his intended text to the phone of a Montgomery County police officer. Precinct 4 undercover narcotics investigators Lt. Mark Seals and Sgt. Ricky Warwick arranged a buy Tuesday in the parking lot of the Porter Walmart. After Huffman sold police hydrocodone pills out of his car, he was arrested, KTRK-TV, Houston, reported Wednesday. Police then went to the home Huffman shared with his mother, Kimberly "Butterbean" Meadows, 43, where they found marijuana. After police took Meadows into custody for the marijuana, she allegedly told them she gave Huffman the hydrocodone pills to sell so they would split the proceeds. Huffman allegedly corroborated his mother's statement and both mother and son are now charged with delivery of a controlled substance, the TV station said. "We've arrested a large number of people for selling narcotics in East County, but this is the first time I can recall a dealer who was contacting us to set up a transaction," Police Constable Kenneth Hayden said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim K Re: Unreliable subscription Dear Webby, Why is my subscription so unreliable? I usually get your newsletter about twice a week, some others once a week or once every two weeks, but I get spam every day of the week.And now and then, I get the same subscription twice in the same day! What can I do about that? Kim K. Dear Kim That is about normal for Hotmail users.They use a totally insane quota system. When a certain number of emails have arrived from any one block of IP numbers, all further ones are blocked for the rest of the day. If you go around and shoot all the other subscribers with ho'mail addresses, then you would get your subscription every day. However, some of them might not like that and shoot back. So I don't recommend that method. Victims of Yahoo have similar problems, except with Yahoo, there is no discernible method to their madness. In both cases, I recommend that you get a Gmail address on the side for important stuff. You can continue using ho'mail and Yahoo for cyber sex and for getting onto the mailing lists of spammers, but at least you have one reliable address for utility bills and for subscriptions. Gmail addresses are free, and easy to customize. AND, you can handle your Gmail with any full featured POP email program. Have FUN! DearWebby
Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery Naturally Within Just 1 - 3 Months. No pills or snake oils, just instructions. Get 2/3 off the regular price with this Anniversary offer. Vision without glasses, contacts or surgery


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Let Dough Rise in Microwave I love to bake homemade bread and pizza dough and don't really care for bread machine results (yeah I know they're so much easier). When I make breads by hand, I need a nice warm, clean, out of the way place for the dough to rise. I have been putting the dough in my microwave (turned off, of course) and letting it rise there with the best results. It frees up my counter space and is clean and warm. So make use of that idle microwave when in need of a place for dough to rise. I've even got some pizza dough rising in mine right now for entertaining friends later. By blazincopper from Blue Bell, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for commiting this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk. He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "Okay," the man says, "You take the front and I'll take the back."

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Great Signs 






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Och Indeed! 


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20 Gbps connection 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 11

The nice weather did not last. 
It rained most of the day. We have pretty good drainage here,
but I do feel sorry for the people in the South, who have to
cope with all the water that flows their way.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately. --- Russell Baker You are as old as how and whome you feel. --- Socratex
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his own sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Chicago Bears" Naturally she replied, "Cold water only gentle cycle."

Roy was going to bed the other night when Carla told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see it from the bedroom window. As Roy looked for himself, he saw that there were people in the shed taking things. He phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available, probably in the morning. Roy said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because of a burglary in progress in my shed in the back yard of 234 Oak street. Well, you don't have to worry about them now. I'm shooting them all. If somebody does come over, I'll be in the shed, just in case one of those crooks isn't quite dead and needs another shot." Within five minutes there were a dozen police cars surrounding the shed, and a SWAT team, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers later asked Roy: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" Roy replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available! And if you had not shown up, I would have had to!"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angus McClure, 26 in Greenock, Scotland Skid marker
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsinore Re: Connectivity Dear Webby, I read that the average connection speed for home users in Korea is 20 Gbps. Is that just propaganda? If it is true, what can we do to get the same speed here? Elsinore Dear Elsinore It is true indeed, for South Korea. North Korea, just like the US, is not in the top 10 for HOME connectivity speed. South Korea uses mostly Cable and wireless, and almost no Internet over phone lines. They don't have to cope with the huge distances we have in North America, and their fiber and cable networks are fairly new. About all you can do is move to an area, where you can get TV cable. With TV-cable 20 Gbps is not a big deal, except when you talk to the ISP. They want you to pay a lot more for that, even though the difference between 2 and 20 Gbps is just a software setting, not different hardware. As long as there is no real competition, they charge whatever they can get away with. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information!

Trisha came running into the house after summer school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Milk Jug for Organizing Plastic Bags Removing Lint from the Dryer Re-use your just used dryer sheet to remove the lint from the lint-screen. It grabs the lint easily and it will help preserve your manicured nails! By tahloolabelle from Ventura, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a West Virginia Mountain man was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On his third day the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army is still looking for him.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert! A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.

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No Hi-Speed over crackly lines 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 11

Yesterday morning, at about the time you read your Humor Letter,
the Saskatoons looked their brightest, to lure bees from as far away
as possible.




Sure looks like a good crop of berries to look forward to!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Talent develops in quiet places, character in the full current of human life." --- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe "Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent into the dark place where it leads." --- Erica Jong
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving a test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stuart Feltham, 23, from Swindon, Wiltshire, England Brit 'flasher' was set on fire by Greek woman Stuart Feltham, 23, from Swindon, Wiltshire, suffered second degree burns after 26-year-old student Marina Fanouraki allegedly splashed Sambuca, a flammable alcoholic drink at his bare front and set fire to him with a lighter, when he flashed and groped her. The woman will appear in court today in the city of Iraklion, in northern Crete, charged with assault. According to reports, she said she was acting in self-defence after the man exposed himself to a number of women in a bar, and then groped her against her wishes. The story has made national headlines in Greece, where some have hailed the woman as a heroine. A Foreign Office spokeswoman said: "We can confirm that in the early hours of Tuesday a 23-year-old British male national was assaulted in Crete. "We understand he suffered burns on his chest and abdomen." Stuart Feltham did not stick around to appear in court and fled back to England, where he lives with his parents. His father claims the poor innocent boy suffered a totally unprovoked attack and did not flash and grope anybody.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: What is needed to phone over the net? Hi Mr Webby; I have been having some serious issues with AT&T's U-verse. I have had already 10 tech's out to my house because of no picture on my tv, freezing up, resetting the box every time it rains, and to top it off I have found out that I am at the end loop as they call it..... which means that everyone on the block in front of us who has subscribed to this u-verse is drawing the same signal off of the old telephone line. So now this is also why I am having issues. But I think I know how to deal with them..... anyways this will be my new email address... and I had asked you a question about online telephone... I mean I saw the magic jack, but there were a lot of mixed reviews... and Vonage.... well I don't know much about this.... and now with "Google Talk" can you shed some new light on these questions.....? Thank you for your great news letter.... keep em coming. Eddie Dear Eddie First you need to get your line fixed, so that you have reliable TV reception. Until then, everything else is a waste of time and money. AT&T U-Verse has the AT&T version of Vonage or Magic Jack built in, and for $89 a month, you can theoretically use it. However, it sounds like the lines in your area are hopelessly overloaded, and that method will never work properly for you. Try some company, that uses TV Cable instead of ancient and inadequate phone lines. The problems, when it rains, are a definite indicator that your lines are old and get water crackle. You will not even get reliable high speed Internet over those lines, never mind TV and all that other promised stuff. Those old crackly lines are just barely good enough for low speed dial-up. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information!

Not far from me we have a friend who raises Brahma Bulls. I asked how he got them to breed so well, since he has a nice herd. He said that he gave the bulls potency pills. I asked what the pills were made of. He said "I don't really know, but they taste like chocolate."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Milk Jug for Organizing Plastic Bags An easy way to store your plastic grocery bags is in an old, clean plastic milk jug. Most of these milk jugs have an indented circle on one side. Just cut out the circle and stuff in the bags. It will hold many bags and is easy to store. By Jan from Gainesville, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young boy was kneeling by his bed and saying his prayers and asked God to make him a good boy. The boy's father, passing by the bedroom, overheard his son praying, "And make me a good boy, if You can. And if You can't, don't worry about it, 'cause I'm having a lot of fun being a nuisance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Showing his friend around his his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'm gpoing to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: If I sell it all, my wife will kill me!"

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Needs better email than Windows 7 has 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

We had a bright, sunny day and the landscape is starting to
warm up. The Saskatoon berry bushes are still in full bloom. 
A few days of rain did not hurt them at all. They ar still 
waiting for bees to show up and do their thing. If anything,
the bushes look even brighter than before.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo It is a waste of time to try to teach a pig to sing. It hurts the ears, and it annoys the pig. -- Socratex
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the Insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies? What will I get? The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied "Unless you are a politician, probably a life sentence"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the US DOE's Office of Inspector General Edication Dept and OIG worse than Gestapo 15 heavily armed members of a SWAT team smashed the door of Kenneth Wright and his three kids (3,7 and 11 years old) in a pre-dawn surpise raid. They did not ring the door bell or knock on the door, they smashed the door, grabbed him by the neck, threw him on the lawn and knelt on him, then handcuffed him and put him into a patrol car for six hours. A neighbor reported: ""They surrounded the house; it was like a task force of SWAT team," she told the station. "They all had guns. They dragged him out in his boxer shorts, threw him to the ground and handcuffed him." Kenneth Wright has no criminal record, is not involved with any criminal or terrorist organization, had no dope, no booze and no weapons. He eventually found out, that they were actually looking for his estranged ex-wife, who had left years ago. They claimed there was a student loan issue. It is unknown, why it took them six hours to search the tiny house, but they did not find anything, that they could use to charge Wright with. Wright did not know anything about any student loans and thinks it may be something his ex wife did, after she left and moved elsewhere.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trixie Re: Not happy with Windows 7 Dear Webby, I just bought a laptop with windows 7 on it. I am in several graphic groups and using windows live mail is a real pain. Nothing shows up as it should. Did you at some time mention that there are still XP programs that could be bought?? I would appreciate any info you could give me as I really hate windows 7. Thanks, Trixie Dear Trixie That is why I recommend buying XP, or at least W7+ with XP pre-installed at the factory. Your laptop can still be converted to XP. Contact Jerome at Spiritscents and haggle out a deal. If you just bought it, you may have a 30 day money back guarantee, especially if you paid for it with PayPal or a credit card. Then you could add the $50 - $70 that w7 PLUS costs. Yes, they give away W7 free with all new machines, but if you want XP, they charge you $50 - $70 penalty for that, and STILL claim "Another W7 sold!" All Windows software will run on XP. XP is backward compatible all the way to DOS and clay tablets. By the way, you CAN use Eudora on W7, not just XP and previous versions of Windows. Microsoft is in a snit about Eudora being so much better than the newest one they have, that they won't allow you to make it your default email program, but it works just fine. Just start it manually with a task bar icon. Eudora has been precise, reliable and predictable since 1991. If you install Eudora, let me know, and I will send you a registration code. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information! By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer for your garden or balcony flower or herb boxes? Turbo Geraniums! Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to Heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to Heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to Heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to Heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save On Watering By Collecting Rain Water Place a bucket under the window A/C to catch the water or insert a long hose that reaches your plants. I also keep a big tub ready for downpours to catch the rain water, which I use for plants or to wash my car. My grandmother used to wash our hair with rain water. She claimed it made hair grow. I always had very long hair and can't vouch for the rainwater, but the grass and plants do grow with it. By iruiz27 from S. TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were."I'm so tough", said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week". "Well", said the second little boy, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day". "That's nothing", said the third boy. "When my parents take me to see my grandma and grampa, I can wear them out in a hour".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sue for this report: At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "Oh, probably about 5 - 10 years."

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Skype got murdered 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 9

Skype got murdered

Microsoft lets FSB (formerly KGB) listen in on Skype.
Nikolai Pryanishnikov, the head of Microsoft Russia says 
he'd be happy to share the encryption code of newly 
acquired Skype with Russia's security services.

You may have noticed a sleazy forced "update" in the last
few days. Skype crashed and came back updating, without
giving you a choice to agree or deny. That seems to be part
of the murder of Skype.

Those two moves totally murdered any trust in Skype.
It still works for sending pictures of your pets and chatting
with Gramma, but if you are involved with Human Rights or
Democracy, it's time to move on over to Google Talk. 
It is very unlikely,that Google will sell out.

We may see some super-encryption add-ons for Skype
appearing in the next few months, from people trying to
revive trust in Skype. 

That $8.5 Billion dollar panic grab, just to make sure 
Google or Cisco or Citrix or Oracle couldn't buy it, 
did not make sense. Skype would take over thousand years
to pay back that much money. Now we know where THAT wind
is blowing from.

I will still use Skype for tech suport and to chat with my dad,
but all communication to Eastern Block countries, and anything
of a Human Rights nature, has shifted to Google Talk.

Google Talk is similar to Skype, but takes a bit of getting used
to it, since there are so many ways to customize it for your 
own purpose. I still have a lot to learn about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries But what is the difference between literature and journalism? ..Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all. --- Oscar Wilde Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ---Wendell Johnson
A man buys a parrot from a pet shop. The parrot is highly intelligent but all he ever does is swear. Day and night the parrot shouts out obscene words and phrases until one day the man decides to teach him a lesson. He is standing in the kitchen with the parrot, constantly swearing, seated on his shoulder. The man tells the parrot that if he doesn`t stop swearing he is going to open the door of his freezer and throw him in. The parrot laughs and tells him that he wouldn`t dare. The parrot ignores the threat and sure enough, the man opens his freezer, grabs the bird by its neck, throws him inside and slams it shut. The bird bangs constantly on the door asking to be let out and promises never to swear again. After about 5 minutes the man agrees to give the bird 1 more chance and places him back on his shoulder. After a few minutes the parrot has warmed up again and asks the man, "What did the chicken do?"

An extremely wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marques Jeter, 24, Underwear thief arested at church ELYRIA, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they arrested a man praying in a church after stealing four packages of underwear from a dollar store. Elyria police said Marques Jeter, 24, took four packages of underwear from a Family Dollar store about 4:50 p.m. Sunday and struck the manager in the face after she asked to see his receipt, The (Lorain) Morning Journal reported Tuesday. The police report said Jeter pushed two customers out of the way as he fled the store. Officers said they spotted Jeter outside of the nearby United Church of Christ an he was arrested while praying in an "unintelligible manner" in the basement of the facility. Jeter was taken to the Lorain County Jail on a robbery charge.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Russ Re: Convert PDF Dear Webby I use a free product called Some PDF to Txt Converter. Although the interface is a little weak, it does a great job of converting PDF's to text with the exact spacing, unlike doing a SAVE AS from Adobe. http://www.somepdf.com - Russ Dear Russ Thank you very much for that link! Have FUN DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information! By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer for your garden or balcony flower or herb boxes? Turbo Geraniums! Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.

An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground. "Heap large -- war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???" "No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Backpack and School Supplies In most areas of the US, school will be over soon. The last thing on everyone's mind right now is the next school year. But this is a relatively painless tip that doesn't take much time and will surely save you money. When the kids come home on the last day of school, don't just put the backpacks in the closet. Go ahead and empty them out; tossing out the short pencils, used workbooks, etc. If there are usable art or other school supplies, put them in a safe place for next year. At my son's school, he had to purchase his own art class supplies and I reused the same paint colors and magic markers because of their light use. If you have a supply list for next year, put that in a safe place as well so you will have it when the back to school sales start. Finally, inspect the backpacks. Can they be used again another year? I'm not sure where the practice of a new backpack every year started but if you start out with a sturdy one they can be used for many years. Toss it in the washer and give it a good cleaning. When dry, hang it back up and it will be ready and waiting for you at the end of summer. By wendiesioux from Edwardsport, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sam Dunne was trying to locate his son, John, whom he hadn't heard from in 7 years. He hired a private detective, Roger, who decided he'd start looking for John in New York City. After pounding the pavement for several days, Roger saw "Dunne & Bradstreet" on a sign outside a skyscraper. "Ahh... DUNNE!!" thought Roger, and walked into the foyer. "Excuse me...you don't work here," said a security guard seated at a desk. "Oh, I'm looking for John," said Roger. "Ah, that's down the hall, third door on the left," said the guard. Roger burst into the men's room just as some poor guy was leaving the toilet stall. "Are you Dunne??" asked Roger. The poor guy gestured towards the toilet and said, "Yes, yes I am." "Well then," said Roger, "You'd better give your father a call!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 48." "37," came the weak reply from Lena.

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Convert PDF to WORD 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 8

Yes, I know that alphabet is not the one devised by Morse. 
And it is not the Boy Scout Alphabet either. 
Officially, if you want to be really picky, it is 
"The NATO Phonetic Alphabet Mnemonic".




Because that is too big a mouthful and too difficult to spell
correctly twice in a row, and because the Girl Guides did
not want the Boy Scouts to get any credit for it, good ol 
Morse's name was wrongly tagged onto it.

With Morse's actual dot-dash mnemonic alphabet, which
I learned as a kid, it used the "short vowels" like a, e, i, u
for dots and the "long vowel" o for the dashes.

In that version, ATOM was used for the letter A, and with
a short and a long vowel, you got DOT - DASH.

E, the most used letter, was EIS in German and EGG in English,
just a short vowel, hence just one dot.

Uniform for U was adopted the same by NATO. It is still correct:
Dot Dot Dash

Personally, I prefer the old version, where the vowels indicated
dots or dashes, but I am not going to lose any sleep over it.

Oh, the reason I made it that small is so that you can print it
and glue it somewhere near where your phone is.If you do 
want it larger, click through the picture to the large version. 
You know the drill by now!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. --- Socratex Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the class. The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug." The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's menorah." The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom's rosary." The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint." The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish."

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago. WILLY: Me! TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? STUDENT: I get up early. TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. JOHN: I hope so too! GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? VINCENT: One dollar. TEACHER: (sadly) You don't know your arithmetic. VINCENT: (sadly) You don't know my father. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? CLASS COMEDIAN: BIG hands! TEACHER: Max, use "defeat", "defense", and "detail" in a sentence. MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.
Thanks to Chuck for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Hi Webby, I've got a weird, flowering cactus in my front yard. Here's a couple pics. Chuck . Hi Chuck, that's a "Spanish Dagger", actually closer to asperagus or agave than a cactus. There are many different variations. The one you got, that blooms this time of year, is probably the one called Yucca Gloriosa or something very similar. I love the dry flower / fruit stems for waking sticks in the desert. They are incredibly light weight and surprisingly strong. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Simister, 51 from Milford, Conn. Connecticut man charged with DWI twice in one day in Onondaga County LaFayette, NY -- A Connecticut man was charged with driving while intoxicated by state police twice in about 10 hours Monday. Troopers first came in contact with John Simister, 51, of 38 Linda Drive, Milford, Conn., at 12:17 p.m. Monday when he was stopped on Interstate 81 in Tully, troopers said. Simister, who troopers said was doing 80 mph on the highway, was found to have a blood-alcohol content of 0.19. Troopers ticketed Simister and he was released to a sober third party, troopers said. At 10:20 p.m., an off-duty trooper spotted a man drinking alcohol inside a vehicle at the Nice and Easy convenience store in LaFayette. Troopers checked the area, saw the suspect vehicle and attempted to pull it over. Simister led troopers on a short pursuit that ended when the he pulled into a driveway on Newell Hill Road in LaFayette, troopers said. Troopers said Simister was again behind the wheel. Simister was arrested again and he was found to have a BAC of 0.17. The legal threshold to DWI is a BAC of 0.08. He was charged with failure to comply, consuming alcohol in a vehicle, failure to keep right and DWI. Simister was arraigned in LaFayette Town Court and ordered held at the Onondaga County Justice Center.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Convert PDF Dear Webby I need to convert some pdf files to WORD. I thought open office used to do that but since I upgraded open office I cannot open pdf files from it. Lots of programs to convert to pdf but not the other way. Got any good ideas (thats a laugh, I know you do) to help me out. Thanks as always. RON P Dear Ron PDF files are basically intercepted print jobs, a graphical image. To convert them to text, you have to scan that image with an OCR program. Adobe made many hundreds of Billions by making that as difficult as possible, in order to provide unalterable invoices and forms and Books. There ARE some programs nowadays, that let you edit PDF files, but I don't think there are any free ones, that will let you convert a PDF file to WORD. Since I never need them in WORD format, I just use PDF-Exchange to edit them when neded, and save them again as PDF. The nediting is not really true editing, but more a commenting or mark-up or form filling, but that suits me fine. If I have to fix a typo or change a name in a birth certificate, then it is easier to do a screen capture and use a graphics program for doing that, because the overlay / annotation method of PDF Exchange is much sharper than the original, and the editing / annotating / form filling is just as obvious as the editing on a certain birth certificate, that received a lot of publicity last month. If WORD is just an intermediate step, try ignoring that and look for a one step converter from PDF to for example Palm's PDB. There are lots of those listed. Have FUN DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information! By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer for your garden or balcony flower or herb boxes? Turbo Geraniums! Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.

Thanks to Rose for this story: After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily. Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car." "Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sort Mail in Front Entry While organizing my front entryway, I realized I needed places for junk mail which I recycle, bills, and items to be shredded. I hung some attractive straw purses on my coat rack with labels for each. This way I don't carry them to the dining table or the sofa where they tend to pile up. Now I sort them as soon as I carry them through the door! By Susan from Elkhart, IN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Waiting at a crosswalk, I overheard some kids talking about their siblings. "My brother takes Karate lessons," bragged one. "My sister takes Judo," said another. Not to be outdone, the youngest piped up, "MY fister does Karaoke!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A high school senior, saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's calling and could she send her some information. The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a long pause. Then she said, "You misspelled TEACH."

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Times: They Are A-changin' 


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Charlie: You Were'nt The First 


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Morse Alphabet 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, June 7

In the North of the province they have wild fires and smoky 
conditions for hundreds of miles, here in the foothills 
we have rain. I have a feeling somewhere some slingshot
is getting wound up to hit us with some really gorgous
summer weather, as soon as Mother nature is good and 
ready for it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
The least of learning is done in the classrooms. --- Thomas Merton The things we know best are the things we haven't been taught. --- Marquis de Vauvenargues One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. -- Edward Abbey
An older couple had a son, who was still living at home. They were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table, then they hid in the nearby closet, pretending they were not at home. The father told his wife, "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So, the couple waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. He saw the note they had left. Then, he took the ten dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the bible, flipped through it, to see if any stashed money fell out, and tucked it under his arm. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative sip to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said, "It's even worse than I could ever have imagined. Our son is going to be a politician!"

From Lisa For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone.
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. The Chilean Puyehue volcano is not paying attention to the CO2 hype and looks really pretty in the evening light.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandra Uher, 54, in Elgin, Ill Woman facing 6th DUI came to court drunk An Elgin woman charged with DUI six times had her bail revoked this week after police say she came to court intoxicated. Authorities say 54-year-old Sandra Uher had been free on $100,000 when she was taken into custody. Uher's last DUI charge was in March, when she ran a stop sign at the corner of Shales Parkway and Summit Street in Elgin and crashed into another car. Police said her blood alcohol limit was nearly four times the legal limit, measuring at .30. After that conviction, Uher was released from jail after posting $10,000 of her $100,000 bond. But after her intoxicated court appearance, her bail was revoked. She still owes the remaining $90,000. The Daily Herald reports she's been sent to Cermak Hospital at Cook County Jail for evaluation. During her most recent DUI arrest in March, police say Uher failed a field sobriety test and had a preliminary blood-alcohol content of .30, nearly four times the legal limit for drivers. She was also driving on a revoked license. Uher has DUI convictions dating back to 1997. If convicted of the latest offense, she faces between six and 30 years in prison.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mickey Re: Spelling Dear Webby Two things. I need that Causeway spelling joke again, that you used to feature every second year or so. I need it and can't find it. Second, while you are digging in your archives, you used to have a nice little chart, that showed the boy scout alphabet for spelling difficult to pronounce words over the phone. Can you please show us the link to that again ? Thanks Mickey Dear Mickey The Morse Alphabet is at http://webby.com/alpha The Caseway story follows a bit further down below. Have FUN DearWebby
The Ultimate Guide To Discus Fish Care, Breeding and Keeping Them Healthy 2nd Edition, with even more information! By the way, did you know that "dirty" fish tank water is a very potent, natural fertilizer for your garden or balcony flower or herb boxes? Turbo Geraniums! Boost your kitchen herbs like magic.

(This one you have to read out loud) "Information? I need the number for Caseway Transport." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Magazines Used at Garage Sales I go to yard sales and garage sales and sometimes they have used magazines. I buy them for five to ten cents each. Sometimes they even give them away. They have really nice recipes and fresh ideas too. Cheap is good. By Sue from Mt. Laurel, NJ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example." The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."

» World University Rankings






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What size hard drive should he add? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, June 6

Happy Flag Day for the Swedes!

Today my Saskatoon berries popped their blossoms.

There are going to be plenty of berries, if each of those blossoms
turns into a 5-15 berry grape bunch.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. --- George Carlin A television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. --- Socratex
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married over 50 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Organic Tomato Magic
Harry sent a quick email to his supervisor. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and wants me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Harry," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." After Harry printed his reply, he wrote back to him: "Thanks, boss, I knew I could count on you!"
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Shreeves, 40, of Princeton, Missouri Busted for rafting down the river and having fun in clear view of envious spoilsports SIOUX CITY - A Missouri man was arrested Thursday for allegedly floating on a kiddie pool down the Missouri River. Sioux City Police Sgt. Mike Post said Robert Shreeves, 40, was observed floating down the river at 9:54 p.m. on a small inflatable pool that was approximately six inches tall with two floats on the side. He said the raft was approximately 3.5 by 5.5 feet. "The individual apparently launched this raft upcurrent and drifted down the river," Post said. Shreeves, of Princeton, Mo., was arrested by the Sioux City Police Department when he docked at the boat ramp on Larsen Park Road for a misdemeanor charge of public intoxication. An official with the Woodbury County Jail said Friday that Shreeves had been released for time served. Authorities said Thursday night they had received numerous calls from people who observed a man floating down the river in a raft. One dispatcher said the people kept calling in because they thought he was having fun. The Missouri River was at 28.34 feet on Thursday night, and there was no danger of getting hung up on a sand bar. Shreeves was not in any danger and he did not endanger anybody else.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vern Re: What size hard drive next? Dear Webby My old computer still runs fine, but it's 20 GB hard drive is getting too small. What size would you recommend? vern Dear Vern You obviously have learned very good and highly recommendable computer house-cleaning skills ! I would recommend that you keep the 20 GB drive, since you must have it very well organized and tuned. Just add an external 1 TB USB drive. That way you don't have to re-install any software, and you will still be able to do a virus scan or a defrag in the enviably short time that you can do it now, and let it do the house-keeping chores on the big drive while you are sleeping. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but are extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

Bill told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the latin term so I can tell my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Magazines Used at Garage Sales I go to yard sales and garage sales and sometimes they have used magazines. I buy them for five to ten cents each. Sometimes they even give them away. They have really nice recipes and fresh ideas too. Cheap is good. By Sue from Mt. Laurel, NJ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in his booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice at Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So, what did you do with the money?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That wasn't supposed to happen until you unloaded them at home!"

» Grande Dame






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Extra Mouse Buttons 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, June 5

I often hear: "I bet you use some fancy, super fast computer!"
Well, not fancy, but it IS fast. It is 4 years old, and was the 
cheapest I could get from DELL at the time. 

I just got a call from them today, reminding me, that the 
4 year warranty is running out, if I don't renew it.

Yes, it is old, but it runs circles around the office laptop,
a 2010 W7, and I am in no rush to put this machine out
to pasture. 

Quad Core machines with 12 GB RAM machines, ready for
Windows 8, have come down below $600. By Christmas
"old fashioned" W7 machines will be below $300.
I am quite confident, that tis machine will still be fine
till next year.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!
Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. --- Sir Winston Churchill
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said: "I hope you don't start thinking. You would look weird with a bald head !"
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes. Just in case you are, I still have the link: Organic Tomato Magic
Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Wonderful," Mary replied. "I'll go with you."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. We are overrun by rabbits Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bank Of America in Collier County, Florida Homeowner Forecloses On Bank Collier County, Florida -- Have you heard the one about a homeowner foreclosing on a bank? Well, it has happened in Florida and involves a North Carolina based bank. Instead of Bank of America foreclosing on some Florida homeowner, the homeowners had sheriff's deputies foreclose on the bank. It started five months ago when Bank of America filed foreclosure papers on the home of a couple, who didn't owe a dime on their home. The couple said they paid cash for the house. The case went to court and the homeowners were able to prove they didn't owe Bank of America anything on the house. In fact, it was proven that the couple never even had a mortgage bill to pay. A Collier County Judge agreed and after the hearing, Bank of America was ordered, by the court to pay the legal fees of the homeowners', Maurenn Nyergers and her husband. The Judge said the bank wrongfully tried to foreclose on the Nyergers' house. So, how did it end with bank being foreclosed on? After more than 5 months of the judge's ruling, the bank still hadn't paid the legal fees, and the homeowner's attorney did exactly what the bank tried to do to the homeowners. He seized the bank's assets. "They've ignored our calls, ignored our letters, legally this is the next step to get my clients compensated, " attorney Todd Allen told CBS. Sheriff's deputies, movers, and the Nyergers' attorney went to the bank and foreclosed on it. The attorney gave instructions to to remove desks, computers, copiers, filing cabinets and any cash in the teller's drawers. After about an hour of being locked out of the bank, the bank manager handed the attorney a check for the legal fees. He still had to pay the movers to get their stuff back.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dorothy Re: Extra mouse buttons Dear Webby Another great Humor newsletter! Thanks! You mention the great mouse, which I have, and then, "It has two extra buttons on the side. You can assign hot-keys to those buttons. Here we assign the thumb-tip button to CTRL C (Copy) and the thumb-ball button to CTRL V (Paste)." Exactly how do you "assign hot-keys" to those buttons? I bet your other loyal readers would like to know, too. Thanks again for everything! Dorothy Dear Dorothy Click on the "MyComputer" icon Control Panel Mouse And there, if you have that mouse plugged in, you will see all the buttons and pull-down choices for assigning hot-keys. With older versions of Windows you may have to run the install CD that came with the mouse to be able to see those extra mouse buttons in the mouse set-up. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring,, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his wild oats. Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt's friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Kitty Litter Bucket for Kitchen Compost I always wanted to compost, a kitchen composter was easiest to start with but expensive. I noticed our kitty litter container (hard plastic) was a perfect size and has a lid and handle. It fits under the sink and has been working great. By krisanthemum from Pataskala, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder said, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that mangy mutt out of his misery."

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ElectroMagnetic Pollution 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, June 4

Thank you Sharon!
Thank you Lillemor!
Thank you Sandie!
Thank you, Alfred!

The cold and wet and late spring sure loaded up the fields
and also my lawn, like a slingshot. One neighbor, a few houses
north from me, has a huge lawn front an back. When he finishs 
mowing in the back, he starts all over again in the front. Maybe
next year he won't fertilize it quite that much?

Mine is not that bad. For one thing, I don't fertilize the lawn, 
just to have to cut it that much more often. And I use a 26"
wide mower and set it quite low. I tuned up the engine for
more speed and torque, and added a spring to the drive
control bar. That makes it move faster and without me having
to push. Unless you make that modification,  you have to supply
half the forward push! Now it pulls me along quite smartly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. --- Mark Twain
Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, "Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?" Phil replies, "Yes Judge, that is correct." "And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge inquires. Phil replies, "Your Honor, my Ma told me not to interrupt when a woman is speaking."
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes. Just in case you are, I still have the link: Organic Tomato Magic
In the news.... "Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." ----------------------- "The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tina S. Gonzales, 33 in Naples, FL Birthday party ends with a bite in the arm, not cake An East Naples woman is accused of biting her neighbor in the arm and throwing cake at her head after an all day birthday celebration for her son took place on Monday. Tina S. Gonzales, 33, of the 2900 block of Francis Avenue, was arrested Monday by Collier deputies at home on a felony charge of burglary with assault or battery. She also faces a disorderly intoxication charge. According to a Collier County Sheriff’s Office report: After several hours of drinking hard liquor and beer at her son’s birthday party, Gonzales decided to enter her neighbor’s apartment without permission. She was asked to leave numerous times. Gonzales threw a piece of her son’s birthday cake, hitting her neighbor in the head. She then punched her on the side of the head, causing a small laceration. Gonzales pinned her on the ground, grabbed her hair and proceeded to bite her on the inside of the arm, leaving large bite marks. Deputies said that the bite marks matched the teeth and gaps of Gonzales. Other subjects that were present either had no teeth at all or only a few. Her neighbor stated that her and Gonzales had been having several disputes prior to the incident.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marnia Re: Electromagnetic pollution Dear Webby How serious are those concerns about "electromagnetic radiation pollution"? My mother-in-law read some stuff about it in some magazine and is all worried about it. Marnia Dear Marnia It doesn't seem to affect everybody the same way. Most people never notice it, but extraordinarily gullible persons may think that something is affecting them and with some coaching from fanatics may indeed worry themselves an ulcer or whatever is fashionable in their circles. I have worked for years in extremely high electromagnetic environments like an aluminum smelter, major electric power plants, and large welding shops, and I have outlived a lot of doctors that I have known. While doctors usually die from cancer, heart disease or mysterious ailments, the people in those high electromagnetic environments seem to die mostly of traffic accidents or old age. However, once somebody believes in the danger of electromagnetic radiation pollution, you can't reason with them, and trying to use logic on them just makes them hostile. Just humor them and play along. Usually those people are so clueless that putting plastic childproofers onto electrical outlets "to stop the electric radiation from leaking out" will make them feel better. In the mid 90's at the peak of the electromagnetic radiation scare period, I sold a good number of protective monitor screens. They were just black metal mesh mosquito screens made up for me by the local window glazing company. I added a ground wire to them and a little alligator clip. Those screens reduced the glare and reflection off the monitor,and thereby reduced eye strain and headaches, but the people who bought them swore their headaches went away because they shielded them from electro- magnetic radiation. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday, if that would be OK."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Kitty Litter Bucket for Kitchen Compost I always wanted to compost, a kitchen composter was easiest to start with but expensive. I noticed our kitty litter container (hard plastic) was a perfect size and has a lid and handle. It fits under the sink and has been working great. By krisanthemum from Pataskala, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Please keep in mind that the composting process produces highly explosive methane. Methane is a nice fuel, when it is handled correctly, but fatal, if you let it sneak up on you. Indoor composters absolutely need to be vented outside! For example, a peatmoss composting toilet needs a vacuum cleaner hose for an outside vent, and never smells. A kitchen garbage can size container needs a half inch hose or pipe. There is no pressure involved, so you should not go with a smaller hose. You simply need a flue for the explosive gases to get vented outside. It is best to attach the hose to the lid, so that you can easily haul the container outside, when it gets full or too heavy to shake up. Yes, you HAVE to shake it up or turn it over once a day, and occasionally add a handful of peat moss and a slice of dry bread. Otherwise the stuff rots instead of composting. If you spot mold or if it looks wet, add peat moss and turn it more frequently. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be good to get everyone's attention.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Donna I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my hair permed, cut and styled. Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay. "Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully. "And who's your appointment with today?" So I told her I had changed my mind, and left.

» Rolling Hills






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Setting Eudora to retrieve Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, June 3
Time to wear a bit of red to showyour support for the troops!




Have FUN!
DearWebby



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please donate what you can!
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. --- Dan Rather It's useless trying to hold a person to anything s/he says while s/he's in love, drunk or running for office. --- Socratex
George ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older, You are just getting better" for his wife's birthday party. Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said,"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the cake was uncovered at the birthday party in front of all the invited guests that he discovered it read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes. Just in case you are, I still have the link: Organic Tomato Magic
This one is apparently true: A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and at a reception/cocktail party beforehand, his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Douglas Ellison of Lee, NH Carjacker claims to be from '5th dimension' Wednesday, June 1, 2011 PORTSMOUTH, N.H. (AP) — A convicted felon who claimed he was from the 'fifth dimension' has been ordered held on $25,000 cash bail for allegedly using a hammer during a carjacking and then leading police on a multi-town chase along Interstate 95. Douglas Ellison of Lee was arraigned Tuesday in Portsmouth District Court on charges including receiving stolen property, driving while intoxicated and two counts of disobeying a police officer. The Portsmouth Herald reports that in court, Ellison claimed he was from a place in the fifth dimension called "Atmaloke" and that he had a different name. Police say he was on I-95 at about 2:30 p.m. Monday when a woman pulled over to ask if he needed help. He allegedly stole the woman's car. He was stopped when police flattened his tires.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amy Re: Problems setting Eudora to retrieve Gmail Dear Webby, I just downloaded the version of Eudora in your toolbox for reading my Gmail messages, but I am having trouble getting it to actually download my messages, do you have any tips on how I can get it set up right? Thanks! Amy Dear Amy Set your Gmail to POP follow the guidelines here: Eudora and Gmail There are illustrated step by step instructions there. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

Murphy's Law #14: To err is human, but to really foul things up that requires a committee.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Soap When Sewing Canvas Frying Pan Bird Bath Being frugal pays off in so many ways. I could not throw my old frying pan, knowing I could find a use for it. I finally used it as a bird bath and a garden accent. By Fe http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Here are some comments made by sports commentators that I'm sure they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing." 2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." 3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in front of the similar one in back." 4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious." 6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." 7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces." 8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew." 9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." 10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well, is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? Discuss." After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam.

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Substitute for CD drive 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, June 2

Dimitris from Atlantic inkjet sent me a help request, that he 
had received, that might quaify for a bonehead award.

"I have filled my toner with inkjet ink and tried printing but only 
got blanks. I realised i should have used toner after what happened. 
Has this damaged my printer? what should i do now? i emptied the 
ink and left the toner out to dry.. 
Please let me know if my printer and toner are damaged?"
 
I doubt that any of you would squirt liquid bulk ink into a 
toner cartridge, but just in case you might be confused, 
never mix liquid ink and dry toner. That person ruined that 
cartridge, and mostlikely also the printer.

With Laser pinters your cost per page is 1/3 to 1/5 compared
to inkjet printers, but refilling laser toner cartridges is not just
a matter of dumping more toner into the cartridge. You also 
have to replace the extrortion chip, that the printer expects.
Without that chip, the printer won't "recognize" the cartridge.

The little chip probably costs about 49 cents to produce, but
IBM, HP, DELL, etc. who own the chip plants in China, want 
to make a certain amount per cartridge. Expect to pay around 
$10 per chip.

Personally, I just order ready to use cartridges from 
Atlantic inkjet .com, and let
them match colors and chips. The price is about the same anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. --- Anatole France "Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your keyboard." --- Socratex
"Hello?" A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was fed up with wrong number calls. There always eem to be more during times of full moon. "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end...a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean...who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry...it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's Very Upset and that I would Like Him to Call Me as Soon As He Gets Home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like this..." " Click "
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes. Just in case you are, I still hae the link: Organic Tomato Magic
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?" "Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Long, 23, in South Daytona, Florida Burglar carries 59" TV on bicycle SOUTH DAYTONA, Fla., June 1 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a suspected burglar spotted carrying a 59-inch TV between his lap and the handlebars of his bicycle. Investigators said Steven Long, 23, was seen carrying the television set on his bike at about 4:20 a.m. Sunday in South Daytona and he fled when he spotted the officers, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Wednesday. Long, who police said eventually abandoned the bike and the TV to flee on foot, was caught in a back yard and placed under arrest. Residents of a nearby home identified the television as having been stolen along with other items by someone who pried open the side door to their garage. Police said the property was returned to the residents, but the TV, worth more than $2,000, was damaged beyond repair. Long told officers the TV had been given to him by a friend to settle a debt but investigators said the story did not check out and he was charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling and felony theft.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Substitute for CD drive Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I love your jokes today. Especially the bike riding because my granddaughter & her other grandmother have been riding their bikes & the plumber because of out local town plumber. His final comments on his answering machine message is "remember a flush is better than a full house". He is a character anyway. I have been having trouble getting my cd+rw drive to work. It won't open so I can transfer pics to it. I know the disks are fine because I have checked them out in the cd drive. I finally sent the pics by email to a friend who transferred them off to disk for me. 1) Is it possible that doing a system restore could help? It worked fine in Apr the last time I transferred off some pics but not in May when I tried again. 2) My pics are on cdrw disks that say 700Mb. If I should buy flash drives that are 4 Gb(?) how may disks approximately would fit on each flash? How hard is it to put them on flash drives? I am so happy that you are getting your strength back & able to get out & about. Thanks for taking time to share w/ us even when you were under the weather. Dear Sharon All CD drives do fail sooner or later. A 4 GB SD chip holds almost 6 times as much as a CD. You can also use the cheap 2 GB chips. They are compatible with more different devices than the 4 GB chips. You just drag the files to the chip, as if it was another folder on the computer. No burning or finalizing required. Befoer you switch over to SD chips, get a suitable cookie tin to store them in. They don't really need a lot of protection, but because they are small, they tend to get lost easily, if you don't have a designated place for them. Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Can I help you choose which puppy to buy?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Soap When Sewing Canvas Sewing heavy materials like canvas can be as hard on the needle as it is on your hands. If, however, you rub the fabric well with soap before you stitch, the job will be a lot more comfortable and the needle will slip through the cloth without nearly so much danger of breaking. Source: Farmer's Almanac By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But my son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player. "So what do you do?" asked his friend. "I send him to MY room!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I attended an oil exec convention once. The first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas."

» Peppermint






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Is Chrome missing basic utilities? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, June 1

Would you believe that nobody was interested in what will be
in Windows 8, except for one person in Redmond, who said
that nobody tells him nothing.

According to the British press, the locals are quite enthralled
by Obama and his circus at the G20 Summit.



Harper by contrast seems rather frugal. Instead of with eight 
planes, he apparently arrived on a regular WestJet flight, 
no doubt flying on AirMiles points, and had his wife along
to iron his good shirt. 

Because Harper is not likely to promise Billions to countries, 
who did not listen to his advice, he is not scheduled as a 
top ten speaker. After all, Canada has less pollution per 
square mile than any other country, a balanced budget, 
no deficit, no long term debt, and did not bail out any banks. 
Obviously he must have been cheating and listening 
to his own advice! That really annoys those folks..

Harper will probably leave early. His wife and her mother
usually ride their horses in the parade here, and that is
this Saturday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain "Of cheerfulness, or a good temper - the more it is spent, the more of it remains." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!" The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."
Apparently nobody is interested in old-fashioned tomatoes. Just in case you are, I still hae the link: Organic Tomato Magic
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as YOU'd look trying to milk a bicycle!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard R. Vermalyea, 32, of Rehoboth Beach, Delaware Talking too loud about his warrants DELMAR, Md.- A man staying at a Delmar motel who loudly admitted during a telephone conversation that he was wanted by authorities ended up in custody early Tuesday after other patrons staying in adjacent rooms overheard his unwitting confession and notified police, the Wicomico County Sheriff's Office said. At around 1:31 a.m., a sheriff's deputy responded to a noise complaint at the Traveler's Motel on the 9400 block of Ocean Highway. Police said that patrons called police to report that a man staying in one of the motel rooms was yelling loudly during a phone conversation. The patrons stated that during the conversation they overheard the man state that there was an open warrant for his arrest. The patrons, who were staying in adjacent rooms, reported that they could hear the man's conversation and it was disturbing them. The deputy went to the room in question and located 32-year-old Richard R. Vermalyea of Rehoboth Beach, Del. It was discovered that Vermalyea was wanted in Cecil County, Md. on two open warrants. One of the warrants was for failure to appear in a felony theft case and the other was for a violation of probation in a felony theft case. Vermalyea was taken into custody and ordered held on $10,000 bond each on the two warrants, pending transfer to Cecil County.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Is Chrome missing common utilities? Dear Webby, thanks for your answers and for posting my question on Chrome. Now I have another problem - in Chrome, whatever site I'm on, including yours, I lost the "email this picture" and "set as background" option when I right click, as well as a whole list of other stuff that the right click brought up. What happened, and how do I get that back, if I can? The only solution I have is to copy the site name into Explorer (gag) and wait for it, then right click & choose email or background. Am I lost altogether? Bonnie Dear Bonnie I am not familiar with Chrome, I just use Firefox. Quite possible, those options are in add-ons, hat you need to install. The best info I could find was: View the image Right click on image select "Copy Image url" Open an email or IM to the recipient Paste the copied URL Have FUN DearWebby
Hyper Tufa? What is it? Have you seen garden and yard containers and art work, that looks like rock or concrete, but is extremely light in weight? That's Hyper Tufa. This book shows you how to make all kinds of garden and yard decorations and art work cheaply and easily. Make everything from artsy stepping stones to x-rated gnomes and garden fairies. The Hyper Tufa book has all the info you need.

Horse Choir Wait for the entire screen to load up with all four horses. Then click on each horse. Make sure your sound is on. Re-click on any horse to make it turn off or turn it back on again. Somebody did some real wizardry of programming to coordinate this! Horse Choir Not really serious music, but quite handy for annoying telemarketers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dealing With Fine Hair If you have fine, tangly hair of any length, keep a comb in the shower. When you put conditioner on it after shampooing, comb it out, and voila, no more tangles. By Sandy from Tallahassee, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
How many frogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One frog and 37 light bulbs, slippery hands, ya know.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No, not really," the caller answered, "Just a bit at the roots, but other than that I am a redhead this week."

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Willy Whacker 

Bangladeshi Woman Takes Attacker's Penis To Police

by AFP

DHAKA, Bangladesh - A 40-year-old Bangladeshi woman cut off a man's penis during an alleged attempted rape and took it to a police station as evidence, police in a remote part of the country said Monday.

The woman, a married mother of three, was attacked Saturday night while she was sleeping in her shanty in Jhalakathi district, some 120 miles south of Dhaka, officers said.

"As he tried to rape her, the lady cut his penis off with a knife. She then wrapped up the penis in a piece of polythene and brought it to the Jhalakathi police station as evidence of the crime," police chief Abul Khaer said.

The woman filed a case accusing the man -- who is also 40 and a married father of five -- of attempted rape, saying that he harassed her for six months.

The severed penis was kept at the police station, and the rape suspect was undergoing treatment in the hospital.

"We shall arrest him once his condition gets better," Khaer added.

Copyright 2011 AFP. All rights reserved.

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