Avoid office Clipboard 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 21

Tommorrow morning I have to go for injections into my
eyes again. That means no Saturday newsletter.
By Sunday I'll see the keyboard again.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1498 Jews are expelled from Nurenberg Bavaria
1633 Galileo Galilei is forced by Inquisition to "abjure, curse, &
           detest" his Copernican heliocentric views 
1919 Germans scuttle their own fleet 
1948 1st stored computer program run, on Manchester Mark I 
1989 Supreme Court rules ok to burn US flag as a political expression
1990 25,000 die in Iranian Earthquake 
1990 US House of Reps vote 254-177 to stop 
    US flag burning, doesn't pass 
Hong Kong, Taiwan : Dragon Boat Festival 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are. --- Nicholas Chamfort You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. --- James Thurber I think politics is based on that concept.
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy™ is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easy™now!

A little boy was afraid of dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure . He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him." she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called "Jesus? If you're REALLY out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Guilt Free Deserts! These desserts had to be truly healthy! Guilt-Free Desserts: Your Guide to Better Baking Featuring 50 All-Natural, Fail-Proof, Gluten Free & Low-Glycemic Desserts from "The healing Gourmet". Not only will you have 50 new dessert recipes, you will also have all the information you need to makeover your favorite family desserts, with just a few simple substitutions to make them healthy and/or lower cost. You deserve Guilt Free Deserts!

"Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guilt." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild." "I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guilt." "Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!" "That, *sir*, is NOT the way we spell Theodore."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacqueline Toro-Williams, 37, in Akron, Ohio Pimped Out 11-Year-Old Daughter Jacqueline Toro-Williams, a 37-year-old Ohio woman has been jailed after she allegedly pimped out her daughter, beginning when the girl was just 11 years old. According to police, Toro-Williams pimped her daughter out "several times a day" to "middle aged" men, beginning when she was 11 and 12 years old The victim, who is now 16 years old and pregnant with her third child, stated that her mother drove her around to different apartment complexes and forced her to engage in sex with various men in exchange for money or drugs. The girl also stated that she was usually sold for $40 - less if cocaine was negotiated into the deal. Investigators say the victim fled to Mexico with a man she thought would take her away from the lifestyle. But once she arrived in Mexico, she was again forced into prostitution. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children received a tip in October, 2011 that the girl was in Mexico. The center worked through the US Embassy to have the girl returned to Akron last February. She now resides with a foster family. Toro-Williams was booked into the Summit County Jail and charged with compelling prostitution and promoting prostitution. She remains held in lieu of $100,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Carrie Re: How to get rid of the Office Clipboard? Dear Webby I find the Office Clipboard a royal nuisance. If I have a spreadsheet or two open, but work in a graphics program, where I need to do a lot of copying and pasting, a lot of that winds up littered into the spreadsheets. How do I stop that? Carrie Dear Carrie In Excel click on VIEW TOOLBARS take the checkmark off CLIPBOARD With most versions of Office that should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Euro-Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian, and every detail is coordinated by the Swiss. Euro-Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss, the police German, and it's organized by the Italians.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laundry Detergent Caps For Bathroom Cups The house I live in does laundry a lot. And they didn't recycle until I showed them the error of their ways. So, instead of tossing the laundry detergent caps in the bin, I put them to good use. Here is an example of the things you can do with these wonderful lids! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At a wedding I recently attended, the priest called for a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead... As the church grew quiet, a little boy sitting in front of me turned to his father and said excitedly, "Dad, you have some of their CDs!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Baking Cookies With Your Cat 1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe. 2. Get cup of coffee. 3. Get cat off of cookbook. 4. Find that special recipe. 5. Get cat's nose out of coffee mug. 6. Go to fridge and get eggs. 7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard. 8. Break eggs in small bowl. 9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl. 10. Answer the phone. 11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge. 12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off. 13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands. 14. Throw flour out and get more. 15. Preheat oven for cookies. 16. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now. 17. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom. 18. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough. 19. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound. 20. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal bathroom things knocked over on top of the counter. 21. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl. 22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off. 23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs. 24. Clean up bathroom. 25. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now. 26. Get wet cat off floured counter in kitchen. 27. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour. 28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten. 29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies. 30. Casually fling cat onto the roof of a passing Winnebago 31. Act surprised when you find that the cat has made it home before you.
» Native Art


[ view entry ] ( 245 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 597 )
How to view and clear Office clipboard 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 20

If you want the results and schedules for the Euro 2012
soccer games, try WolrdTimeBuddy

From Dr Bill re bagpipes:
I found over the years quite to my surprise that bagpipes 
stir a martial spirit within me - combination no doubt of 
Scottish and Irish ancestry, and if the neural memory theory 
is correct it could account for my sudden desire at the 
sound of the pipes to kill an Englishman
Bill

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1402 Battle of Angora (Ankara)-Tatars defeat Turkish Army
1567 Jews are expelled from Brazil by order of regent Don Henrique 
1791 King Louis XVI caught trying to escape French Revolution
1793 Eli Whitney applies for a cotton gin patent 
1819 Savannah becomes 1st steamship to cross any ocean (Atlantic) 
1837 Queen Victoria at 18 ascends British throne following death of
           uncle King William IV Ruled for 63 years ending in 1901 
1867 Pres Andrew Johnson announces purchase of Alaska
1871 Ku Klux Klan trials began in federal court in Oxford Miss 
1963 US & USSR agree to set up "Hot Line" 
1977 Oil enters Trans-Alaska pipeline exits 38 days later at Valdez 
        still doing that just nicely today
1990 40,000-50,000 die in a (7.6) earthquake in Iran 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent. --- Aldous Huxley Baking a wedding cake causes fewer headaches than cutting it. --- Socratex Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. --- Albert Camus When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. --- Marquis de la Grange Most people don't want advice. They want agreement with their preconceived notions. --- Socratex
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy™ is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easy™now!

Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. "Great," Sue exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Wonderful," Mary replied. "I'll go with you."
Guilt Free Deserts! These desserts had to be truly healthy! Guilt-Free Desserts: Your Guide to Better Baking Featuring 50 All-Natural, Fail-Proof, Gluten Free & Low-Glycemic Desserts from "The healing Gourmet". Not only will you have 50 new dessert recipes, you will also have all the information you need to makeover your favorite family desserts, with just a few simple substitutions to make them healthy and/or lower cost. You deserve Guilt Free Deserts!

My aunt's neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night. One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring,, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his wild oats. Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt's friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."
Click on the picture for the large version Head for shore!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Frank Rega, 56, of Monroe, Connecticut Man drove off with woman on fender Police in Connecticut said a man struck a woman with his van and drove off with her stuck on the driver's side fender. Investigators said a 23-year-old Bridgeport woman was standing outside a disabled car on Stratford Avenue when she was struck by the van driven by Frank Rega, 56, of Monroe and became stuck on the driver's side fender. Police said Rega continued to drive away with the woman hanging over the front of the vehicle. They said he ignored her cries for him to stop, even when she was able to reach into his window and hit him in the face. Police said the woman eventually fell off the vehicle and was treated at St. Vincent's Medical Center. Rega was arrested at his home hours after the March 15 incident and told officers he was acting in self-defense. Rega has been charged with first-degree reckless endangerment, reckless driving, evading responsibility and driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, police said. He was released on $500 bond. You can figure out yourself why the extremely low bail bond and no mug-shot anywhere on the net.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: How to view Excel Clipboard contents Hi Webby how do I open and clear the clip board. I have used at times when scanning and such but have never been able to see what it is. Thanks for all your help over the years one of my favorite things in your letter are the pictures I have been collecting them since 1998 (not all but selected ones) and have a lot of them. Since we cannot afford to travel much pictures help me to see this beautiful earth. I sure like it when they say where they are from. Thanks and good health to you. Ron. P. Dear Ron In Excel click on VIEW TOOLBARS CLIPBOARD When you hover over the icons in the clipboard, they usually tell you the content, if the content is data. The right-most of the tiny icons on the clipboard is for clearing all entries. It takes a bit of playing with the clipboard to make it useful to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters of the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent, having had an exceedingly profitable season, seeing the dejected couple looking in the window was inspired to a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I bet that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer!" He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and to book a room in a five star hotel. They, as expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" the travel agent asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me." "What would that be?" asked the travel agent. "Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled s treets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Cindy The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "Both ears with one shot? How far away did they stand?"
» Most Imposing Wooden Structure


[ view entry ] ( 178 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 663 )
The Ultimate Ethnic Joke 

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans all walk into a very fine restaurant –

"I'm sorry," says the maÃtre d', after scrutinizing the group........."You can't come in here without a Thai. "





[ view entry ] ( 187 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 623 )


Get rid of Excel Clipboard tally nuisance 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 19

If you want the results and schedules for the Euro 2012
soccer games, try WolrdTimeBuddy

Nobody was interested enough in the Linux course to actually
try it out, 
and nobody figured their pictures or data on memory
cards were worth saving. It sure is not easy trying to find
something, that you need or want!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
240 -BC- Eratosthenes estimates circumference of Earth
1862 Slavery outlawed in US territories 
1864 CSS "Alabama" sunk by USS "Kearsarge" off Cherbourg, France
1865 All slaves in Texas freed 
1917 After WW I King George V ordered members of British royal family to
           dispense with German titles & surnames, they take the name Windsor 
1961 Kuwait regains complete independence from Britain
1967 Muhammad Ali is convicted for refusing induction in US Army 
1976 US Viking 1 goes into Martian orbit after 10-month flight from Earth 
1981 European Space Agency's Ariane carries 2 satellites into orbit 
1981 India's APPLE satellite, 1st to be stabilized on 3 axes, launched 
1988 In Santa Barbara, CA, a team of 32 divers finish cycling underwater
           on a standard tricycle, to complete 116.66 mi in 75 hrs 20 mins 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. --- John Stuart Mill Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. --- Sir William Osler
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy™ is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easy™now!

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks errode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "However there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and announced: "Wedding cake!"
Guilt Free Deserts! These desserts had to be truly healthy! Guilt-Free Desserts: Your Guide to Better Baking Featuring 50 All-Natural, Fail-Proof, Gluten Free & Low-Glycemic Desserts from "The healing Gourmet". Not only will you have 50 new dessert recipes, you will also have all the information you need to makeover your favorite family desserts, with just a few simple substitutions to make them healthy and/or lower cost. You deserve Guilt Free Deserts!

"I had the strangest dream last night," Morris was telling his psychiatrist. "I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. As you can imagine, I found this very disturbing. In fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream." The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding: "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"
Click on the picture for the large version More fun than a barrow full of monkeys!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brandi Baumgardner, 38 in Beaver Springs, Pa. Injected Teen Daughter 200 Times With Heroin Over Two-Year Period Brandi Baumgardner, a 38-year-old Pennsylvania woman has been jailed after she allegedly got her daughter heavily addicted to heroin and other drugs, beginning when child was just 12-years-old. According to police, an investigation was launched in August when the victim checked herself into a drug rehab center claiming that she was too strung out to inject herself with heroin any longer. Investigators say the victim's mother, Brandi Baumgardner, began smoking marijuana with her daughter when the child was just 12-years-old. Baumgardner then introduced the child to heroin at age 14, and is accused of injecting her daughter with the substance when the girl was too weak to inject herself. The girl admitted to detectives that she used a wide variety of drugs with her mother, including marijuana, crack cocaine, heroin and various prescription medications. She also testified that she would become so "dope-sick" her mother would inject her, and ultimately injected her with heroin approximately 200 times over a two-year period. Robert Thomas Hannick, a 22-year-old Beaver Springs resident has also been arrested on charges that he had sex with the underage girl in exchange for drugs. The victim told detectives that Hannick would assist her mother in injecting her with heroin. Hennick allegedly had sex with the girl three times and engaged in sexual acts on a fourth occasion. The victim also told detectives that her mother would take her to a hospital and then complain about a fake illness in order to obtain prescription medications. At one point, mother and daughter allegedly shared Fentanyl patches. Fentanyl is a highly addictive and powerful pain medication that is considered to be more potent than heroin. Detectives interviewed Baumgardner, who confessed to supplying her daughter with drugs "when she was sick." Baumgardner also admitted that she and her daughter had "drug problems." Baumgardner was booked into jail and charged with endangering the welfare of a child and corruption of minors. Her next court appearance has been scheduled for June 21. Hannick was charged with statutory sexual assault, aggravated indecent assault and corruption of minors. The victim is receiving ongoing treatment and counseling at the drug rehabilitation center she checked into.
Tech Support Pits: From: Garry Re: Excel Clipboard nuisance Dear Webby, How do I stop Excel from showing that nuisance history of stuff I have copied before? When copying a whole bunch of cells to new places, that's really a nuisance. Garry Dear Garry Open the Options in the clipboard and uncheck every item in there, then hit the X in the top right hand corner to close it. No more silly clipboard history taking up valuable screen space exactly on top of what you need to see. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sponge Eyeshadow Applicator for Cleaning Keyboard I have found the best item for cleaning around keys on the computer. A clean, sponge eyeshadow applicator. I always have extras of these (I use brushes instead). I like them because they hold up much better than Q tips, and they can get into the little crevices. I dampen mine a tad and boy it really gets the crud up! When you are done, you can almost roll the fuzzies off of the applicator and it can be reused. By Joynchocolate Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting on an airplane," was the in- evitable answer. "Look, Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're on the ground or in the air." "I know," said her mother. "I just don't want to be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's time to go."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be good to get everyone's attention. ---------------- Personally, I quite like the sound of bagpipes, from about five miles away.
» Strangle or Choke


[ view entry ] ( 224 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 623 )
Best VOIP solution 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 18

If you want the results and schedules for the Euro 2012
soccer games, try WolrdTimeBuddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1667 The Dutch fleet sails up the Thames River and threatens London.
1778 British Redcoats evacuate Phila
1812 War of 1812 begins as US declares war against Britain
1815 Battle of Waterloo; Napoleon defeated by Wellington & Blucher 
1903 1st transcontinental auto trip begins in SF; arrives NY 3-mo later
1953 Egypt proclaimed a republic, General Neguib becomes president 
1956 Last of foreign troops leaves Egypt 
1977 Space Shuttle test model "Enterprise" carries a crew aloft
           for 1st time, It was fixed to a modified Boeing 747 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Stoop and you'll be stepped on; stand tall and you'll be shot at. --- Carlos A. Urbizo Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. --- Edgar Watson Howe
Linux For The Rest Of Us! - Hi-def Video Training Series Now you don't have to be a Genius or Brainiac! This is for YOU and me! Learn Linux From One Of The Most Sought After Instructors. Get ready for when Windows 7 annoys you once too often or when the salespeople tell you, you should switch to Windows 8. Get ready and upgrade to Linux when it suits YOU! Full Video Training Series, Instantly Accessible, And In Full Hd! Linux For The Rest Of Us!

It was after 3 a.m. in the fancy restaurant, and all the guests but one had gone home. The last guest was sleeping at his table. The cleaning lady, irritated that she was delayed in doing her job, turned to the restaurant owner. "I've seen you shake the old fool and wake him up five times," she said. "Why don't you make him go home?" "No way!" answered the owner cheerfully. "Every time I wake him up, he asks for his bill and pays it!"
Professional memory card recovery software Professional Memory Card Recovery Software Recover Lost or Deleted Photos and files in 3 Steps 1) Connect Your Device 2) Scan 3) Preview and Select Works on ALL memory cards and thumb drives!

>From Fran: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now."
Thanks to Paul for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Haniyyah Barnes, 25, in Newark, NJ Throws Neighbor's Dog Into Oncoming Traffic Over Parking Spot argument Haniyyah Barnes, a 25-year-old New Jersey woman was jailed after she allegedly threw her neighbor's dog into traffic - killing the dog - during an argument over a parking spot. According to police, Barnes had kicked in her neighbor's door and began yelling about a parking spot when the neighbor's 2-year-old Shih Tzu came running to the rescue. Investigators say the dog, named Honey Bey, began barking as Barnes threatened and assaulted the neighbor. In retaliation, Barns picked the dog up by the neck, ran outside and threw the animal into oncoming traffic. The dog was struck by a vehicle and killed. A Newark police officer on routine patrol saw the incident and arrested Barns at the scene. Barns has been indicted on charges of third-degree animal cruelty, criminal mischief and second-degree burglary.
Tech Support Pits: From: Don Re: VOIP Solution Dear Webby, Just a quick note on VOIP. I have had Ooma for a year now and have nothing but good things to say about it. There are no hidden charges, no charge for caller ID, voice mail that works really well. Voice mail has several options for retrieving the messages. Voice quality is better than landline. If you subscribe to their premium service for $10/month, the calls to Canada are also free and you have a great blacklisting feature so that you never hear from anyone on the list once you place them on it, also you have 2 ines with 2 separate numbers. The support service is in the U.S. and they give wonderful, prompt and courteous support. You can read about them at http://www.ooma.com The only difficult thing is getting the phone company to drop your landline and give you a separate number for internet, but that is not so bad but takes about a month especially if you wish to have your old number ported over to you. I neglected to mention one item about Ooma in the previous note. Since you addressed 911 in your letter, I just want to say that setting up 911 is very easy and simple with Ooma. There is one charge every month which is for tax, in my case it is $3.47/month. Don Dear Don Thank you very much for that extremely helpful info! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sponge Eyeshadow Applicator for Cleaning Keyboard I have found the best item for cleaning around keys on the computer. A clean, sponge eyeshadow applicator. I always have extras of these (I use brushes instead). I like them because they hold up much better than Q tips, and they can get into the little crevices. I dampen mine a tad and boy it really gets the crud up! When you are done, you can almost roll the fuzzies off of the applicator and it can be reused. By Joynchocolate Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was this city-girl who was out driving and found her- self out in the country. She drove by a farmer standing next to a large impressive-looking animal and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question. "Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone. "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Gary "This is a true story. The other night Nancy and I were sitting in bed, smoking, drinking, whatever, I don't know. No, that's not true, we don't smoke in bed. Anyway, I turned to her and said, 'What did you say?' "She said, "I didn't say anything.' "You didn't say anything? "No, I didn't. But I was thinking something." "That's amazing! You didn't say anything -- you thought something and I heard it! "'Well, what did I say?' "I don't know. I wasn't listening."
» Mussels


[ view entry ] ( 225 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 455 )
Tweet Of The Week 

Tomorrow I'm going to open a time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got...





[ view entry ] ( 151 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 733 )


Selecting a VOIP service 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 17
Happy Fathers Day!

Thank you, Richard!

If you want the results and schedules for the Euro 2012
soccer games, try WolrdTimeBuddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1579 Sir Francis Drake lands on the coast of California
1745 American colonials capture Louisburg, Cape Breton I from French 
1837 Charles Goodyear obtains his 1st rubber patent 
1885 Statue of Liberty arrived in NYC aboard French ship `Isere' 
1919 "Barney Google" cartoon strip, by Billy De Beck, premiers 
1940 France asks Germany for terms of surrender in WW II 
1950 1st kidney transplant (Chicago) 
1953 Riots in East Germany for reunification
1967 China becomes world's 4th thermonuclear (H-bomb) power 
1988 Microsoft releases MS DOS 4.0 (as unpopular as VISTA)
1994 O. J. Simpson's slow-speed chase by the police, watched by 
   millions on TV, ended in his arrest.
2002 Australian scientists announced that they had "teleported" a 
  laser beam—breaking it up and reconstructing it in another location.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You can be a rank insider as well as a rank outsider. --- Robert Frost You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. --- Scott Adams When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson
Linux For The Rest Of Us! - Hi-def Video Training Series Now you don't have to be a Genius or Brainiac! Learn Linux From One Of The Most Sought After Instructors. Get ready for when Windows 7 annoys you once too often or when the salespeople tell you, you should switch to Windows 8. Get ready and upgrade to Linux when it suits YOU! Full Video Training Series, Instantly Accessible, And In Full Hd! Linux For The Rest Of Us!

The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. "Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them." "Well, you done a good job, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."
Professional memory card recovery software Professional Memory Card Recovery Software Recover Lost or Deleted Photos and files in 3 Steps 1) Connect Your Device 2) Scan 3) Preview and Select Works on ALL memory cards and thumb drives!

>From Pam This new diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful--we never even felt hungry! But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again. There, in fine print, was: "Serves 6."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today. It is one of the winter-hard ones, that stay outside all year.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cynthia Ann Creed, 51, Houston, Texas Sent Fellow Juror Text Message Stating Bomb Was In Courthouse Cynthia Ann Creed, a 51-year-old Texas juror was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly joked to another juror that there was a bomb in the courthouse. According to Houston police, Creed reportedly sent a fellow juror a text message at 11:43 a.m. that read "Call the courthouse. Tell them there is a bomb...please." Creed sent the message after she had already been cleared from jury duty at the Harris County courthouse at 10:30 a.m. Authorities took the message seriously and cleared the courthouse completely. Creed then sent the juror a second message 15 minutes later that read "just kidding." Investigators say bomb-sniffing dogs were already searching the building before Creed sent the second message Police apprehended Creed, who stated that she was sorry for the prank, but could not give an explanation on her behavior. Creed was booked into jail and charged with giving a false police report. She is currently being held in lieu of $5,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: Re Yesterday's question about phone Batteries: Tell betty to try Amazon. I paid about 7 bucks for 2 of the same kind. FRED. From: Ginny Re: VOIP Dear Webby, I am finally going to switch my phone to VOIP. What do I need to watch out for? Ginny Dear Ginny VOIP calls to cellphones are expensive, especially to foreign countries. Don't do that except to quickly tell somebody to check their email or to come onto chat. 911 may or may not work on VOIP in your area. You'll have to test to see if it does. Just as with land line phones and cell phones, there ARE a lot of hidden or add-on charges that are not always obvious. You are just going to have to call all the different services and compare. For example, Call Display, showing the number of the caller, can be anywhere from $.1.95 to $14.95 per month, Also, check out the coverage. Some, like Verizon, have good coverage within theUS, but are rather pathetic anywhere else. Be extremely careful about long term contracts. Common practise is to give you a phantastic 3 month deal, if you agree to a really crappy 3 year deal. My secretary's son is an expert on surfing trial deals and breaking out of them before they convert to the long term contract, but I have a hunch, that required an awful lot of small print studying. Best is to make a spreadsheet and list the things, that are important to you as column headings across the top, and the names of the different VOIP providers down in the first column. Then call the 1-800 of each one, and fill out each cell on their row. They will try to stampede you into signing up, because some special deal is about to end. They are lying, of course. When one service mentions something, that seems important, call the other ones back and question them on that topic too. Don't worry about wasting their time, they are paid by the hour. If you have to talk to Mijibar Bin Dumdum or his brother Marblemouth, keep in mind, their support will be even further away and even less cooperative. Once you have al the different services in your spreadsheet, including points for understandable and cooperative agents, THEN you can make an intelligent decision. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This one is a classic. A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!" Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Donna sends, I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them into the hamper. He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the place where we put our dirty clothes before they're washed." My son picked up his things, ran into my bedroom, and threw his clothes on the floor -- on his dad's side of the bed.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other. As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, "I'm fat." "No, you're not," the other scolded. "My hair is awful." "It's lovely." "I've never looked worse," she whined. "Oh, yes, you have!" her friend replied.
» Pet Therapy


[ view entry ] ( 181 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 516 )
Phone Batteries 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 16

If you want the results and schedules for the Euro 2012
soccer games, try WolrdTimeBuddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1567 Mary Queen of Scots thrown into Lochleven Castle prison
1654 Queen Christina, a convert to Roman Catholicism, abdicated her 
   Swedish throne to devote the remainder of her life to religion and art. 
1671 Cossack rebel leader Stenka Razin tortured, executed in Moscow
1896 Temperture hits 127ºF at Fort Mojave, Calif 
1903 Ford Motors incorporates
1947 Pravda denounces Marshall Plan 
1949 Gas turbine-electric locomotive demonstrated, Erie Pa 
1963 Valentina Tereshkova becomes 1st woman in space
1989 "Ghostbusters II" premiers 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both. --- John Andrew Holmes
Linux For The Rest Of Us! - Hi-def Video Training Series Now you don't have to be a Genius or Brainiac! Learn Linux From One Of The Most Sought After Instructors. Get ready for when Windows 7 annoys you once too often or when the salespeople tell you, you should switch to Windows 8. Get ready and switch when YOU want to switch! Full Video Training Series, Instantly Accessible, And In Full Hd! Linux For The Rest Of Us!

One night at McChord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of the base runway. When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away. Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-address system and announced loudly, "Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. You are now cleared for takeoff."
Professional memory card recovery software Professional Memory Card Recovery Software Recover Lost or Deleted Photos and files in 3 Steps 1) Connect Your Device 2) Scan 3) Preview and Select All memory cards and thumb drives!

The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder frequently," the wife offered "but never divorce."
Click on the picture for the large version We need more scientists! For lunch!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Irene Khan, 32, West Melbourne, FL Teacher Had Sex With 14-Year-Old Student For Most Of School Year Irene Khan, a 32-year-old science teacher at Imagine School in West Melbourne was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a 14-year-old student on multiple occasions. According to police, Khan was arrested at the conclusion of a two-month long investigation into allegations that she engaged in a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old student. Investigators say Khan and the boy had sex several times in her car, her apartment and at several area hotels. During the investigation, detectives were able to corroborate most of the boy's story. The victim told police that Khan provided a cell phone to him after his mother had taken his cell phone away. Detectives recovered text messages between Khan and the boy which allegedly show Khan expressing her love and affection for him. The relationship reportedly continued through most of the 2011-2012 school year. Khan reportedly resigned her position at the school in January, a short time before the investigation began. Khan was booked into jail and charged with enticing a minor to engage in sexual activity, sexual battery by an authority figure, lewd and lascivious battery by engaging in sexual activity and lewd or lascivious molestation.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Phone batteries Hi Webby, I wonder if you know if I can use regular rechargeable batteries in my phones. I have the Panasonic set of 4 handsets, one base/recorder, etc. I just went to buy the new batteries for it, as they have their own Panasonic ones, but in Staples, they are $25 for 2 batteries! I’d need 4 packs = over $100. They have the whole 4 set of Panasonic phones on for $89. Crazy! My hubby says just to use regular rechargeable batteries, but the clerks in the store say they will ruin your phone because they aren’t the same powers, etc. Am I being fed a pack of bull? or is it true? We run on some old corded phones as well as this cordless set. Any other brand I tried, we could not use them together like on a conference call, only Panasonic was compatible. I know it’s a silly question, but with your wisdom, I hope to get some straight answers, or if you’ve come across this same situation. Love your news, glad you are feeling better. Take care & thanks, Betty Dear Betty Why do you need FOUR cordless phones for an in-house conference call? Your mother would have said: "If you need to talk to me, I will be in the kitchen." You are probably only 2 - 3 bags of Smarties short of attaining her wisdom. I agree with your hubby. Just find generic rechargeable ones that have the same voltage. You didn't tell me what voltage you need, but you can usually find the same or equivalent battery for a LOT less with some online shopping around. Most likely your batteries are under $10 at BatteryMart http://www.batterymart.com/c-panasonic-cordless-phone-batteries.html And yes, those store clerks are definitely lying to you. The phone really does not give a hoot about the brand of battery. If the voltage is in the right neighborhood, then the phone is happy. If a phone is always at the same location, for example an upstairs bathroom, then you can even use a "Battery Eliminator", one of those power cubes that plug into a wall socket, and has a little switch to select the voltage. You'll have a power cord from the "Battery Eliminator" to the phone, but you will never ever have to change batteries in that phone again, and nobody will ever leave that phone off the charger, since it is hardwired anyway. The actual voltage is not critical at all. If for example, the battery is labelled "4.8V", and one of the settings on a "Battery Eliminator" is "4.5V", that is close enough. A store-bought battery will quickly drop way below that anyway, and the phone will still work fine when the battery is at 3 Volts. Take the BS of the store clerks with a LOT of salt. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It was after 3 a.m. in the fancy restaurant, and all the guests but one had gone home. The last guest was sleeping at his table. The cleaning lady, irritated that she was delayed in doing her job, turned to the restaurant owner. "I've seen you shake the old fool and wake him up five times," she said. "Why don't you make him go home?" "No way!" answered the owner cheerfully. "Every time I wake him up, he asks for his bill and pays it!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Silverware Tray to Organize Makeup Drawer I used to hate my makeup drawer. Now I use the silverware trays from the dollar store to organize my cosmetics. Its works great and when it gets dirty I can just toss it in the dishwasher. I even stack one on top of the other. I put less used makeups in the bottom one. By ivorylov from Ocala, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
THE LOST CHAPTER OF GENESIS: Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo."
» Looney Tunes


[ view entry ] ( 233 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 549 )
20% Discount coupon for printer ink 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



If you want just the results and schedules for the Euro 2012
soccer games, try WolrdTimeBuddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
763 -BC- Assyrians record total solar eclipse event on clay tablet 
  (That is like an iPad but with longer memory)
1215 King John signs Magna Carta at Runnymede, England 
1389 Battle of Kossovo; Turks defeat Serbs, Bosnians 
1520 Pope threatens to toss Luther out of Catholic Church
1567 Jews are expelled from Genoa Italy 
1590 Pope Leo X threatens to ex-communicate Martin Luther 
1775 George Washington appointed commander-in-chief of 
   American Army 
1844 Goodyear patents vulcanization of rubber 
1866 Prussia attacks Austria
1869 Celluloid patented by John Wesley Hyatt, Albany, NY
1904 Side-wheeler "General Slocum" burns in NY's 
   East River (1,031 die) 
1919 1st nonstop Atlantic flight (Alcock & Brown) lands in Ireland 
1924 Ford Motor Company manufactures its 10 millionth automobile 
1924 Native Americans are proclaimed US citizens
1940 French fortress of Verdun captured by Germans 
1986 Pravda announces high-level Chernobyl staff fired for stupidity 
1989 Ronald Reagan is knighted by Queen Elizabeth 
1991 Philippines volcano Mount Pinatubo errupts 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers All the people like us are We, and everyone else is They. --- Rudyard Kipling We are a charming species. I think that is why God will save us. He needs the laughs. --- Rick Steele
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a social science degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

It was one of those cloudy, hot days in Texas. The poor little commuter plane was being bounced around all over the sky. The pilot came on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are encountering some pretty bad turbulence, but don't worry. Should anything go wrong, you'll know immediately. Our co-pilot will become hysterical."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Gretchen Whitt, 30, Grainger County, Tennessee Jailed After Instructing 12-Year-Year Old Daughter To Throw Drugs Into Jail Gretchen Whitt, a 30-year-old Tennessee woman was jailed after she allegedly instructed her 12-year-old daughter to toss drugs over a fence and into the county jail courtyard. According to the Grainger County Sheriff's Office, Whitt reportedly drove behind the Grainger County Justice Center and then told her daughter to throw a white plastic bag over the fence, and into an area filled with inmates. Investigators say officers saw the child trying to throw the bag over the fence, so they confiscated it. Initially, they thought that it only contained tobacco, but upon further inspection discovered a controlled substance wrapped in aluminum foil, The exact contents were not reported. Whitt was booked into jail and charged with criminal trespass and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. She was released after posting bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Thomas Re: "Webby" coupon discount on printer ink Dear Webby My son needed a ink refill kit for his printer. I remembered you have mentioned AtlanticInkJet several times and thought I would try them. When checking out in the box that was asking for a code I put “Webby” and got a 20% discount. I didn't think that the discount code still applied, I just wanted you to get credit for the order. I guess reading your letter does pay. Thanks again Thomas Dear Thomas There is no commisssion per order or anything like that. Subscribers simply get 20% off on refills, 15% off on compatible cartridges, and 10% off on remanufactured cartridges. No kickback or commission, you get it all. The only time I know about one of you getting ink or toner, is when you write to me about it. If there was a commission deal, you would get 5%, administering the commission would swallow12% and I would get 3%. Instead of doing it that way, you get it all as a bonus for being a loyal subscriber. Simply go to AtlanticInkJet and on the check-out, put WEBBY into the slot for Coupon code. Yes, I know, I should mention that more often, that subscribers get that discount, and I will try to fit it in every second month or so. AtlanticInkJet also has some other great stuff, like Avery style labels 75% cheaper, and even edible ink and edible frosting sheets to print anything you want for a cake. The edible ink system is not cheaper than paper type systems. Including the printer, ink, refills and frosting sheets it is about $189, but if you charge $10 for each printed frosting sheet, the first 19 people in the line-up will pay for it. And you can bet, that there will be a line-up as soon as word gets around, that you can produce edible photos to put on cakes! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Cindy was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said Cruise for $39. She walked in and plunked her money on the table. The travel agent grabbed her, tied her to a wooden plank and threw her into the river out back. Terri walked in a few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to a wooden plank and thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with Cindy and they both floated together for a while. Terri asked, "Do they serve drinks on this cruise?" Cindy said,. . . "They didn't last time."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Pillow Out of a Favorite T-Shirt Do you have a t-shirt you just can't seem to give up but it has some stains or tears? Well, make it into a pillow. First cut the design or pattern from the front of the shirt into a square, then sew material that coordinates with the shirt around the center. When you have the size you like, take the back of the t-shirt if it's in good condition and make the back of the pillow, sew together and stuff. Now you have a new favorite pillow. By Beesplace from Indiana PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After a frantic caller told the Battle Creek, Michigan, Humane Society about two ducks trapped by the ice on a pond, the shelter manager, Mike Pearson, rushed right over. Mike inched his way out over nearly 100 feet of ice. As onlookers stood by, he carefully made his way to the ducks, and, thankfully, back to safety on the shore. Both of the wooden decoys are expected to survive.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Steve: PRINCIPLES OF JEWISH BUDDHISM 1. Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such round shoulders. 2. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness. 3. Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story. 4. To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking? 5. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that? 6. If there is no Self, whose arthritis is this? 7. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this, and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems. 8. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish. 9. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third sip, Danish. 10. Be patient and achieve all things. Haggle and get them cheaper. 11. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are 10,000 flowers. Each flower blossoms 10,000 times. Each blossom has 10,000 petals. You might want to see a specialist. 12. Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated? 13. Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes!
» Cool Couches


[ view entry ] ( 244 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 633 )
How to Revive a Used Laser Printer 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 14

Are you following the Euro2012 games?
I find it interesting how much the coverage differs.
Most NorthAmerican media seem to fous on the hooligans,
that try to crank up a bit of rioting before the games,
and barely mention the games or the scores.

European and British media tend to ignore the violence and
stick to reporting about the games. If you are interested in
the soccer games and the competition, try Skysports.com

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1775 US Army founded 
1834 Sandpaper patented by Isaac Fischer Jr, Springfield, Vermont 
1847 Bunson invents a gas burner
1940 German forces occupied Paris during WW II 
1941 Ground broken for Boeing Plant II (ex-AFLC Plant 13) Wichita KS
1944 1st B-29 raid against mainland Japan
1949 State of Vietnam formed
1951 1st commercial computer, UNIVAC 1, 
   enters service at Census Bureau 
1952 Keel laid for 1st nuclear powered sub the Nautilus 
1954 Pres Eisenhower signs order adding words "under God" to the Pledge 
The last phrase now reads: '
...one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.' 
1982 Argentina surrenders to Britain on Falkland Is, ends 74-day conflict 
1987 4th full-duration test firing of redesigned SRB motor 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." --- Socratex Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A man is walking his dog, and passes a little restaurant; the cooking smells are so tempting, he decides he would like to stop for lunch, but the sign says no animals are permited. After a couple of moment's thought, he decided to brazen it out: he puts on a pair of sunglasses, walks into the rest- aurant, with his dog on a leash and asks to be seated. The waiter says "I am sorry sir, but we do not permit animals in the restaurant." The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The waiter responds skeptically: "Your seeing eye dog? Sir, that dog is a Dachshund, a Wiener Dog!" The man responds: "A Dachshund! They gave me a Dachshund?"
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale. But I s'pose someone who don't read so good, prolly can't afford a horse ?"
Click on the picture for the large version Lake Superior
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cadedra Cook, 18, in Cedartown Georgia Cadedra Cook - Orders Pizza, Then Stabs Delivery Driver 50 Times Cadedra Cook, an 18-year-old Cedartown woman, and an unnamed 15-year-old boy, were jailed Friday after they allegedly ordered a pizza and then stabbed the delivery driver more than 50 times. According to Cedartown Police, Cook and the juvenile reportedly beat and stabbed 27-year-old Elizabeth Hutchenson, a mother of one, while she was making a pizza delivery at their residence on Thursday around 9:00 p.m. Cook and the juvenile then fled on foot, leaving the victim bleeding to death in their doorway. Officers found Hutchenson while on a routine traffic stop. She was rushed to a Polk Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead. Medical officials stated that she received over 50 stab wounds to her head, chest, and torso. Officers apprehended the suspects the next day in a nearby field. "We had been one step behind them most of the night," said Cedertown Police Chief Jamie Newsome. "We were finally able to catch up to them in daylight. Investigators say detectives do not have a motive behind the attack. A small amount of money was taken from the victim, but not enough to initiate a murder. Officers are working to determine if it was premeditated. A Domino's spokesperson stated that drivers are not encouraged to carry more than $20 on them while delivering. They stated that they were horrified by the incident, and their prayers go out to the family of the victim, which includes a 4-year-old girl and a boyfriend. Cook was booked into the Polk County Jail on charges of murder. The juvenile, who was also jailed on murder charges, may be charged as an adult.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Used laser printer Dear Webby I bought a used Dell Laser printer from a company, that went out of business. They said it was working OK the last time they used it a year ago. I downloaded the driver for it, but it won't print. It has all kinds of lights lit up, but nothing is happening. What do you recommend? Mark Dear Mark Most likely one of the departing emloyees took the toner cartridges home as a last souvenir. Just go to Atlantic inkjet .com and order toner for it. Shortly after you put toner cartridges in and slam the side door, those lights will all go out and you can start printing. If there is more than just the power light on, toner is empty or cartridges are missing. By the way, laser toner cartridges from Atlantic inkjet .com can sit around for years. They don't go bad. With old printers, it is a good idea to open them up, chase the mice and/or spiders out with a vacuum cleaner, and wipe all the rubber rollers with a Q-tip dipped in gas-line-antifreeze or key-lock-de-icer or Methyl Hydrate, It is all the same stuff, but a one ounce bottle of lock de-icer will usually cost you more than a gallon of Methyl Hydrate from the paint department at Home Depot. That cleans and rejuvenates the rubber rollers, so that they become sticky and grabby like dragster tires. Then the printer does not have to spin the wheels to eventually pick up some paper, it will move as soon as a wheel begins to turn. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The teacher was asking the kids where they were going to go for their summer vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked him. "We're going to visit my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, since I am probably going to flunk this class, most likely I'll be going to Balconia, or maybe the wood shed."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Small Grocery Bags For Dog Waste Save those tiny plastic grocery bags that are too small to use for anything else. I keep my other plastic bags to use for trash containers. You can use the really little bags to pick up doggie messes in the park when walking your dog and no waste bags are available. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Rollie: While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. Naturally my eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in now?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Mary F My son from California who was visiting this weekend tells me that there were a couple of terrorists who had made it into the US and were having coffee in San Francisco when one of them started conversing in Arabic. The other cautioned him and then reminded him, "We are in the United States now. Speak Spanish."
» Paper Sculptures


[ view entry ] ( 18 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 450 )
How to share a newsletter 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 13

One reader figured that the Florida ghost voters voted for
Bush and would vote for Romney. 
Not a chance. 
If there was a single ghost voter, who was NOT controlled by 
Acorn or the Democrats, then the Dept of Justice would not 
fight the correction of the voting rolls quite so fanatically. 
They control the ghosts and the illegal voters, and figure
they are entitled to them.

it will be intersting to see what Florida does about that.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1525 German Reformer Martin Luther, 42, married former nun 
  Katherine von Bora, 26. They had six kids.
1611 John Fabricius dedicates earliest sunspot publication 
1886 Fire destroys nearly 1,000 buildings in Vancouver, BC 
1898 Yukon Territory of Canada organized, Dawson chosen as capital 
1933 1st sodium vapor street lamps installed (Schenectady NY) 
1940 Paris evacuated before the German advance
1942 1st V-2 rocket launch, Peenemnde, Germany; reached 1.3 km
 (that technology eventually became the base of the NASA rockets)
1955 Mercedes racing car kills 77 at Le Mans France  
1983 Pioneer 10 becomes 1st man-made object to leave Solar System
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?" Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober Traditions are standardized ways of dealing with situations that have been experienced by others before. --- Socratex
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied female obesity to a virus. One evening my sister came home exhausted from a long day at work. "Did you read the paper?" she asked. "I'm not going in to work tomorrow. I'm calling in fat."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

Thanks to Georgiagirl for this joke: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone, she goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and I say, 'Yellow, this is Mr Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighbourhood near you, and works at AOL on the Help Desk.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Steven Mercado, 32 in Vineland, NJ Bank Robber ran out of gas The robbery occurred at the Susquehanna Bank on North Delsea Drive this afternoon at 1:23 p.m. Steven Mercado, 32, of North East Boulevard in Vineland, entered the bank and handed the teller a note demanding money, according to Vineland police. Though he had no disguise or weapon, the note reportedly indicated that he was carrying a weapon. The teller handed an undisclosed amount of money to the suspect, who then fled the bank. Bank employees reported they last saw the suspect heading north across Garden Road onto North Delsea Drive. That's when they notified police. According to police, Mercado parked his vehicle at Performance Auto on Delsea Drive, but his vehicle ran out of gas as he attempted to make his getaway. He then reportedly contacted a local taxi company to pick him up, but was apprehended by Vineland police. According to the nearby Dondero Diamonds and Fine Jewelry store, a police vehicle struck their sign. The jewelry store praised the Vineland police for their response to apprehending the robber. Mercado was charged with armed robbery with his vehicle impounded and bail set at $400,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Melody Re: Sharing the newsletter Dear Webby I look forward to reading your Dear Webby Humor Letter and sometimes I read something that I would like to share with friends who don't get the humor letter, but I wasn't sure if I could do that with out crossing over some line out there and getting in trouble for sharing that wasn't mine. Melody Dear Melody Just forward the entire Humor Letter or tell them to go to http://webby.com/humor That way it is considered "Sharing", not plagiarism or stealing. Sharing is appreciated, because it might lead to a new subscriber. They still know that YOU sent it to them, and credit YOU for being resourceful and well connected. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Myrna On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great- grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free pro- fessional advice. Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Scraps For Crafts I do a lot of card making. Stock paper isn't really cheap, so if I have left over sentiments or papers from cutting out projects. I put them all in a basket next to my computer desk. Then if I need something, it is usually right there in the basket. I save a ton of paper, ink, and time by having the "scraps" right there for use on other projects. Some people may think I am a bit of a tightwad, but it actually saves me a lot of money having these scraps right where I can get to them. So, if you are an avid crafter those small pieces could come in very handy. By maphisx7 from Gordonsville, VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," her friend replied. "Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My town takes jury selection very seriously. So much so that when it sends questionnaires to perspective jurors, every question is expected to be answered in full--plain and simple, no ifs, ands or buts. This was evidenced by the juror's questionnaire I was sent. It asked, Do you speak, read and understand English? If no, explain."
» Time


[ view entry ] ( 188 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 406 )
Video Conferencing 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 12

I had to laugh when Lillemor sent me an article about the 
Dept Of Justice getting frantic and trying to forbid Florida
dumping names of dead people off their voting rolls.
Apparently those tens of thousands of ghost voters are
absolutely necessary for Obama to win, and ghost voters
have worked fine in Illinois. 
Obama apparently is entitled to them!

There is one way to correct that. Leave them on the voters
rolls, but redline them.  Whenever a live person shows up to
vote for a ghost, arrest them and throw them into the slammer
for voting fraud.

Florida could easily enough make an Arpaio style tent jail
in the Everglades, guarded by alligators. And keep them there 
until they come up with $100,000 bail money or a $10,000
summary conviction fine. 

If they use the same trick with all the illegals, who were
put onto the election rolls, the fines would get the state 
out of debt!

Or would that make too much sense?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1665 English rename New Amsterdam, New York, after Dutch pull out 
1792 George Vancouver discovers site of Vancouver, BC 
1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia begins
1867 Austro-Hungarian Empire forms 
1918 1st airplane bombing raid by an American unit, France 
1962 USAF Maj Robert M White takes X-15 to 56,270 m 
1967 Israel wins 6 day war (Did they REALLY rent the tanks from Hertz?)
1973 Yanks trade wife swapper Mike Kekich for Lowell Palmer 
1980 Reagan said he would submit to periodic medical tests,
  -if he remembers.
1982 750,000 anti-nuclear demonstrators, rally in Central Park NYC
   200 Million did not demonstrate.. 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter "I could now afford all the things I never had as a kid, if I didn`t have kids." --- Robert Orben
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A college freshman, returning home for the summer, was discussing the problems of living at college. He was commenting on the cost of food, power, insurance and the other costs of living that we must all endure. Mom commented back to her son that she knew just how he felt. He got a puzzled look and said “how would you know mom? You still live at home”.
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of silica, indicating 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians." One week later, the Canadian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Canadian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology. ------------------ Yep. That's right. Smoke signals are definitely wireless. To this day half the Government is accusing it the other half, that their posturing is just smoke and mirrors, while those in turn are trying to tax smoking out of Canadian life. However, if we all stopped smoking, they couldn't afford medicare! Well, I am one of the selfish meanies who stopped smoking. I have not smoked since February 2011, and don't even stand downwind of smokers.
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today, a Neoporteria.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Krystle Marie Reyes, 25, in Salem, Oregon Scams Oregon Out Of 2 Million Dollars, then calls police when she loses credit card Krystle Marie Reyes, a 25-year-old Salem woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly filed a fraudulent state tax return, and received over 2 million dollars. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Reyes reportedly used Turbo Tax, a tax preparation computer program, to file her 2011 tax income return. She claimed that she earned over $3,000,000, then used the tax calculator program to claim a refund of $2,000,000. The Internal Revenue examined because of the large amount, but sent her the refund as calculated on her return. Investigators say Reyes spent more than $150,000 on numerous items, including a new vehicle, before she ended up losing her Visa card with the remainder of her fraudulent tax return revenue. Investigators say Reyes reported her card missing, which alerted authorities to her fraudulent activities. Officers described the scam as one of the biggest the state of Oregon has ever seen. Officials are shocked on how easily she was able to defraud the state. The revenue department processes approximately 7 billion dollars a year in tax returns on computer systems designed in the 1980s. In January, the state decided against a one million dollar computer upgrade,that would have eventually paid for itself by finding tax cheaters. Reyes was booked into the Marion County Jail and charged with aggravated theft and computer crime. She was released and is scheduled to appear in court on July 5th. Sales of Turbo Tax in Oregon have skyrocketed.
Tech Support Pits: From: AJ Re: Online Conferencing Dear Webby I got some ads about on-line conferencing. Compared to on-location meetings, $2879 sounds like quite a big saving. How reliable are those on-line conferences? A.J. Dear AJ Ask your kids to show you how to use Skype. One on one video conferencing, with additional text chat for typing or pasting complicated details, is free, Since Microsoft bought Skype, video conferencing involving more people costs a bit, but is still uite reasonable. Most people just use video to the chairman or moderator, and plain text chat to everybody else in the conference. One of the great benefits of that is the history. Everybody has a printable history that can be looked up even years later. If you use just text chat and one on one video, it is free. Reliability is still as good as before microsoft bought it. There is no change in that. We have used Skype for tech support for a dozen years, and would find it awkward, if we had to switch to a different solution. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Dianne for this: My forgetter's getting better, But my rememberer is broke To you that may seem funny But, to me, that is no joke For when I'm "here" I'm wondering If I really should be "there" And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer! Oft times I walk into a room, Say "what am I here for?" I wrack my brain, but all in vain! A zero, is my score. At times I put something away Where it is safe, but, Gee! The person it is safest from Is, generally, me! When shopping I may see someone, Say! "Hi" and have a chat, Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "who the hell was that?" Yes, my forgetter's getting better While my rememberer is broke, And it's driving me plumb crazy And that isn't any joke.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cardboard From Tissue Box Open up the glued end of an empty large tissue box so it is now flat. Trim off the logo area. You can use the plain white area if you wish. Trim off ends and save them. You can get three tiny gift tags from the ends. You can make 4 cards, 1 bookmark, and 24 tiny tags from a single box or 7 cards and 21 tags from one box! For gift tags, punch a small hole in the top and add a ribbon to tie on to the gift. Attach a ribbon to the top of your bookmark the same way. Not all boxes measure the same, so don't worry if you don't come up with the same cuts or think you made a mistake. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Walter the Stonecarver Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me excitedly, "Did you win, Dad?" I have explained to him time and time again that you're really just playing against yourself. This time the family was on vacation and I had gone out to play a round. When I returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was full of young kids and surrounded by dozens of parents. From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled, "Hey Dad! Were you just playing with yourself? We checked out that night.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Did you know that in order to encourage interstate commerce in the US every second state forbids fireworks and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can always tell that you are getting close to a state border when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the freeway. In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had spray-painted underneath: "That would do them good"
» Rainbows


[ view entry ] ( 179 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 515 )
Are free Anti-Virus programs worth what they cost? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1569 1st recorded lottery in England is drawn at St Paul's Cathedral 
1571 Emperor Maximilian II grants Austrian nobles freedom of religion 
1693 Mt Etna erupts, Sicily
1813 1st pineapples planted in Hawaii 
1913 1st sedan-type car (Hudson) goes on display at 13th Auto Show
 (New York City NY)
1913 Bread & Roses Strike begins
1922 Insulin 1st used to treat diabetes (Leonard Thompson, 14, of Canada) 
1923 French & Belgian troops occupy Ruhr to collect reparations 
1942 Japan conquers Kuala Lumpur, Malaya
1954 20 ton locomotive swept into ravine by avalanche - 10 die (Austria) 
1962 Volcano Huascaran in Peru, erupts; 4,000 die
1963 1st discotheque opens, The Whiskey-a-go-go in Los Angeles CA 
1964 Panamá ends diplomatic relations with US 
1991 Congress empowers Bush to order attack on Iraq 
1991 Soviets storm buildings in Vilnius to block Lithuania independence 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife had prepared, the husband asked, "What did you marinate this in?" The wife dropped her fork and went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him. She must have seen the confused look on her husbands face, because she inquired, "What did you ask me?" When he told her what he'd asked, the wife laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the husband called out, "Hey, hon, WOULD you marry me again?" Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

> From Rosie Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va., Prided ourselves on making the guests feel special. When someone arrived at reception, credit card in hand, we would sneak a peek at it and address him by name. Once during a particularly busy check-in, one of our guests presented a corporate credit card. "Welcome to Williamsburg, Mr. Bell," the desk clerk said. "Oh, please," the man replied, "call me Taco."
Click on the picture for the large version Lupens (Lupinias) in the Yukon. After clearing forest or after a forest fire the first year or two there is just fireweed. Then the Lupens come out.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lowpel Davis, 38, New Haven, CT Entitlement Fanatic Steals Wig, Chomps Off portion of shop owner's arm Lowpel Davis, a 38-year-old Connecticut woman was jailed after she allegedly tried to steal a wig from a beauty shop, then bit a chunk of flesh from the business owner's arm. According to New Haven Police, Davis and a juvenile female entered the Sassy Beauty Supply store in New Haven Tuesday afternoon, and stole a wig and a handful of other beauty related merchandise. When the store owner noticed that a wig was missing from one of his merchandise mannequins, he inspected the store's surveillance camera footage which showed Davis stealing the merchandise and then placing then it into a bag. The store owner told his staff to keep Davis and the juvenile in the shop until police arrived, however, the pair broke past employees and fled the store. The store's owner and his 70-year-old father gave chase, but Davis reportedly fought them, biting a chunk of flesh from the store owner's bicep. Davis then punched both men and spit in the shop owner's face. Police arrived a short time later to find Davis trying to beat the crap out of four federal protective service officers in front of the Giaimo Federal Building. When New Haven police officers handcuffed Davis and placed her in the back seat of a patrol car, she attempted to kick out the vehicle's rear window. She was eventually moved to paddy-wagon style transportation van for her own protection. Officers involved in the altercation were taken to a local hospital where they were treated for bite wounds, cuts and abrasions. Davis was booked into jail and charged with two counts of assaulting a police officer, second-degree assault, first-degree criminal mischief, second-degree breach of the peace and sixth-degree larceny. Her bond has been set at $150,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Many Re: Is free Virus Protection worth what it costs? A lot of people wrote to tell me the names of free virus protection programs. I have tried them on secondary machines. Don't you think that, if those programs were worth two cents, that the companies, who provide them, would charge two cents? Sure, they are probably better than nothing at all, but they are not good enough to charge money for them. Most of them don't even do their own research, they simply copy the virus definition list from McAfee. With McAfee often updating 3-4 times a day, thefreebies are of course hopelessly behind, sometimes a few months! If all your data is backed up, and you got all the program registrations handy and in an easy to find location, sure, then you can gamble. However, it is your gamble, and not my recommendation. To me it seems rather silly to spend Thousand Dollars or more on an easily replaced computer. but then whine about a $30 program to protect IRREPLACEABLE files, and your financial information. Isn't that like using a milk crate as a child safety seat in a Mercedes, or a KFC bucket as a helmet for riding a $5000 motorcycle? My ONLY recommendation is to get With McAfee. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor to prove that he wasn't so miraculous. He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little. Then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog! TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? PUPIL: A teacher. TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLIE: Me!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bob told me that he'd just granted his daughter "family car" privileges. "One night she got home from a party kind of late. I went out to get the paper and came back in a little frustrated. "Our daughter was sitting at the breakfast table and I asked her, 'What time did you get in last night?' "'Not too late, dad.' "'Well, then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car.'"
» Rainbows


[ view entry ] ( 171 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 478 )
Good enough virus protection 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1752 Ben Franklin's kite is struck by lightning-what a shock! 
1772 Burning of the Gaspe, British revenue cutter, by Rhode Islanders 
1801 Tripoli declares war on US for refusing tribute 
1809 1st US steamboat to a make an ocean voyage leaves NY for Philadelphia
1869 Agnes arrives in New Orleans with 1st ever shipment of frozen beef 
1898 US Marines land in Cuba, during Spanish-American War 
1916 Great Arab Revolt begin 
1935 Alcoholics Anonymous was founded by "Bill W."
1940 Italy declares war on France & Britain during WW II 
1967 Israel, Syria, Jordan, Iraq & Egypt end "6-Day War"
1975 Rockefeller panel reports on 300,000 illegal CIA files on Americans 
1990 Burger King begins using Newman's Own Salad Dressing
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. --- Ogden Nash
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



My neighbor's mother-in-law is on AOL. I asked her "Why?" She said that all of her friends are there. So I asked her how much time she spends there. "Oh, about 8 hours a day." "What do you do there for all that time?", I asked. "Mostly just bitch and bellyache about AOL."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

Sam and Greg were out deer hunting. Sam was pretty new to this whole deer hunting thing, so Greg had told him all about a clean kill, and field dressing, etc. Well, after an afternoon up in the stand, Sam heard some noise in the woods, he got buck fever and fired. He went over to where he thought his deer should be, and realized he had shot his good friend Greg. Sam rushed him to the hospital. After what seemed like a very long time, the doctor came out shaking his head. He told Sam, "The gunshot wound wasn't too bad, and we could have saved him if you had not gutted and cleaned him."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Patti for reporting this bonehead! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tornia Ann Gutierrez in Del Valle, Texas Mom jailed for putting PCP in daughter’s lunch Sheriff's deputies have arrested Tornia Ann Gutierrez after they say she gave her daughter a sandwich with PCP inside it. According to an arrest affidavit, on May 4 school officials at Propham Elementary School in Del Valle noticed a six-year-old first grader was showing signs of being under the influence of drugs. The girl told the counselor that she could hear "banging in her head" and was talking to people who were not there according to court documents. The counselor called the girl's mother, Gutierrez, who asked the counselor not to call EMS or Child Protective Services. Gutierrez told the counselor that she was on her way. She arrived at the school and picked up her daughter without talking to staff school officials said. Once at home, investigators said Gutierrez called EMS, and they transported the girl to Dell Children's Medical Center. Court documents show that toxicology tests indicated the girl tested positive for having PCP in her system. The girl was removed from the home by CPS and placed with a family member. Gutierrez also allegedly tested positive for PCP two times herself after the incident. Investigators interviewed the girl who said she ate a sandwich that her mother had made for her on the day of the incident. She told investigators that afterwards she got "crazy dizzy" and that her lunch meat tasted like "fireworks." She also allegedly told investigators that her mother told her angel dust was a drug and it must have gotten on her lunch meat. According to deputies, Gutierrez admitted that she allowed 33-year-old Robert Jackson to bring PCP into her home. She told investigators he was a drug dealer and a drug user. Gutierrez has been charged with abandoning or endangering a child, a state jail felony.
Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Good Virus Protection Dear Webby, Hi! I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY LOVE YA LOTS HELEN Dear Webby I just got a new comp and I need a good free virius protection can you give some advise on one Helen Dear Helen I use and recommend McAfee. You can get it at a 40% or bigger discount at http://webby.com/mac There is no free anti-virus program, that I could recommend and not worry about your computer getting infected. Sure, some of the free ones are better than nothing at all, but I will not be responsible for the consequences, if you use those. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Father Murphy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions." "Scuse me, Father," hollered O'Reilly from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Eggs Until a good friend shared this tip with me, I did not know that fresh eggs can be whisked together and frozen for up to six months. I have been doing this for over a year now. I buy large eggs when they are on sale in the 18 pack cartons. I keep out about six for use in the fridge and then whisk together whites and yolks of the remaining 12 eggs until just combined. I then measure them into my ice ice-cube trays, using 3 Tbsp. of the mixture per segment (3 Tbsp. is equivalent to 1 large egg). Freeze them until solid, then transfer the cubes to a freezer bag for up to 6 months. Don't forget to date the freezer bag. When ready to use take out one or more and thaw in the refrigerator. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Ella Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had dirty pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial. My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Annie: Living in Washington State, my husband and I often take car trips to Canada to visit his family. One holiday season we stopped at the border, where the customs officer asked my husband the value of any goods we would be leaving in Canada. My husband paused to think of the value of the gifts we had with us. "Never mind," the officer said, "What's the most expensive thing in your car?" Without hesitation, my husband replied, "My wife."
» Awwwwe


[ view entry ] ( 274 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 625 )
How to change background and font color on Outlook Express? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1822 Charles Graham receives 1st patent for false teeth 
1883 1st commercial electric railway line begins operation
1898 China leases Hong Kong's new territories to Britain for 99 years
1940 Norway surrenders to Germany during WW II 
1959 1st ballistic missile sub launched
1982 Israel wipes out Syrian SAM missiles in Bekaa Valley 
1997 British lease on New Territories in Hong Kong expires
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment. --- Rita Mae Brown If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life. --- Robert Pante
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



>From Rosa Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4 feet tall: YELD Close, but not close enough. The next week I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now it read YEILD. About two months later they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word SPOT.
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

After preaching, we were invited out for lunch. I casually mentioned to the lady that I was allergic to cats. "That's okay Pastor," the woman said. "I can cook something else."
Thanks to Lillemore for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Wait! Something is moving over there!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tracy Mabb, 35, in Pompano Beach, Florida Jailed for Stripping Naked On Busy Highway Tracy Mabb, a 35-year-old Florida woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly stripped down at a busy intersection and exposed her genitals to passing motorists. According to the Broward County Sheriff's Office, Mabb was standing near the 800 block of Dixie Highway in Pompano Beach Tuesday when she began removing her clothes - including her bra and panties. Investigators say Mabb stood naked on the street, exposing her breasts, genitals, and buttocks to passing motorists and pedestrians. When officers responded to the scene and asked Mabb to put her clothes, she refused, and said "I don't give a fuck". Mabb was booked into jail and charged with exposing sex organs. She looks like a bit indignant about having to wear jail clothes. Mabb is currently being held in lieu of a $600 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: How do I change background and font colors in Outlook Express?? Dear Webby, Thanks for your daily Humor Letters; what a wonderful way to start off my day. Question: How do I change the background color and the font color in my outgoing emails with Outlook Express? Thank you as always; couldn't do it without your help. Rosalie Dear Rosalie I have never used Outlook Express, but this is what I found on the web: Add a background color, gradient, texture, pattern, or picture On the Message Options tab, in the Themes group, click Page Color. Click a color on the Theme Colors or Standard Colors palette. To remove the color, click No Color. If you want to add a gradient, texture, pattern, or picture, click Fill Effects. Select the fill options that you want. Change the font You can change the font in your message in several ways: On the Message tab, in the Basic Text group, you can select the font, font size, font style (bold, italic, and underline), font color, and text highlighting. On the Format tab, in the Font group, you can select the font and font size; increase or decrease the size by one increment; change the font style (bold, italic, underline, strikethrough, subscript, superscript); change the case, the font color, and the text highlighting; and remove all font formatting. On the Mini toolbar that appears when you select text, you can select the font, increase or decrease the size by one increment, select a theme, use the Format Painter, select the font style (bold, italic, and underline), and highlight text. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Little went with his mom and dad to his grandmother's house for dinner. When little received his plate he started eating right away. ", wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," explained. "But this is Grandma's house. She KNOWS how to cook!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make A Draining And Drying Frame I needed a way to drain green beans and butter beans after picking and washing them. My husband made a frame and covered it with Hardware Cloth. After washing the beans, I pour them on the wire and spread them out to drain. I have found that the frame has other uses too. This morning, I washed pillows and the frame is perfect for drying them in the hot sun. The top side has no edging which makes it easy to rake the beans off into a bucket after they are dry. By hate litter from NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Anni was puzzled by the odd messages left on her answering machine. Day after day, friends and family would talk and then say, "Beep." She discovered the reason for the joke when she decided to listen to her greeting. "Hi," it said. "I'm not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!" Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine June day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
» Tasters


[ view entry ] ( 345 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 647 )
How does a pre-written mail work? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 8
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
452 Italy invaded by Attila the Hun 
570 Relgion of Islam (submission) founded in Mecca 
632 Muhammad died. 
1783 Laki Volcano in southern Iceland begins 8-month eruption
1786 1st commercially-made ice cream sold (NY) 
1824 Washing machine patented by Noah Cushing of Quebec 
1940 Discovery of element 93, neptunium, announced 
1965 US troops ordered to fight offensively in Vietnam 
1967 Israel attacks USS Liberty in Mediterranean, killing 34 US crewmen
1979 The Source, 1st computer public information service, goes online 
2001 Tony Blair and his Labour Party won a second term
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. -- Unknown For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. -- Gloria Borger Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. -- George Bernard Shaw We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. --- Aristotle Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying" --- Fran Lebowitz
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



> From Anna I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune-teller. " Two men are madly in love with me !" Goldie says. " Who will be the lucky one ? " The swami answers...." Morris will marry you, and Irving will be the lucky one. "
Thanks to Lillemore for sending in yesterday;s picture taken by her son Mikel Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sandra Ramirez ina Aurora, Colorado Gas can in child seat, toddler lose A Facebook photo recently posted to the Colorado Department of Transportation's Facebook page shows a toddler and gas can sharing a vehicle's back seat. The gas can is securely strapped into a child's safety seat. The toddler, seated opposite the gas can, looks free to roam about the cabin. The female driver, the mother of the child, was cited for no proof of insurance and three counts of seat belt violations
Tech Support Pits: From: Rolly Re: How does a pre-written mail work? Dear Webby, I think you went a mile or two above my head with that pre-written email stuff. How does that work? Rolly Dear Rolly Windows has your default email program set in the Registry. Now you can call it from the DOS command line or with a shortcut. The standard call for doing that has always, even before Windows, been: mailto:name@domain.com It used to be just UNIX and Linux, but now it works the same on Windows. By adding a question mark, you can add parameters, just like you do with web pages. If you add ?subject=Email Shortcut Test so that it will be mailto:name@domain.com?subject=Email Shortcut Test and hit the shortcut icon, it will open a new email, address it to name@domain.com and fill in the subject line with Email Shortcut Test If you add to that command &CC=me@here.com then it will fill that into the CC line. The BCC works the same. And so does the BODY. That trick works great, when you have to send a lot of similar emails to certain people, and have to just add a word or not even that. An example would be telling somebody, that their kids are waiting at the bus stop. The whole email can in that case be pre-written. You simply hit that icon, then hit SEND. Done. Even faster, if you use a hot-key for that, and you already got one for SEND. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two tourists are driving through the countryside in Wales. At the quaint town of Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybaarcudprindanf- ygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole, they stop for lunch and one tourist asks the waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" The waitress leans over and says, "Burrr-gurrr-Keeennng."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make A Draining And Drying Frame I needed a way to drain green beans and butter beans after picking and washing them. My husband made a frame and covered it with Hardware Cloth. After washing the beans, I pour them on the wire and spread them out to drain. I have found that the frame has other uses too. This morning, I washed pillows and the frame is perfect for drying them in the hot sun. The top side has no edging which makes it easy to rake the beans off into a bucket after they are dry. By hate litter from NC In case you don't know what "hardware cloth" is, it is old- fashioned metallic mosquito netting. Nowadays you can get it in plastic as well. It is just as strong but better suited for food items. You can get it pre-framed to fit screen doors and standard size windows. A small screen to just fit over a double sink is usually under $5. Have FUN! DeaarWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX and Linux operating systems. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A high school science class was asked the question, "When water becomes ice, which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume increases." Except for one wise guy who was obviously thinking outside the box, and no doubt in reality, closer to the truth, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."
» Wind Chimes


[ view entry ] ( 245 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 619 )
I Want This T Shirt 






[ view entry ] ( 349 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 741 )
Shortcut for pre-written email 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1775 United Colonies change name to United States
1863 Mexico City captured by French troops 
1912 US army tests 1st machine gun mounted on a plane 
1929 Vatican City becomes a soverign state 
1938 Boeing 314 Clipper flying boat 1st flown
1967 Israel captures Wailing Wall in East Jerusalem 
1971 Soviet Soyuz 11 crew completes 1st transfer to orbiting Salyut 
1981 Israel destroys alleged Iraqi plutonium production facility 
1989 Wayne Gretzky won his 9th NHL Hart (MVP) Trophy in 10 years 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. --- Will Durant
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, I thought I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her," I told the C.O. Much to my surprise he said, "Permission granted." Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass. His wife wasn't pregnant, so when the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend re- sponded, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her during that occasion."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

>From Mina When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Then I realized how convenient it was to get him to the breakfast table. Before, I used to stand at the bottom of the staircase and scream his name. Now all I had to do was flick the basement light off and on, and he was here. One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. I did it several more times. "I'm on my way," my son called up. "You didn't have to yell."
Thanks to Likkemore for sending this picture taken by her son Mikel Click on the picture for the large version Boca Raton Sunrise
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrea Amanatides, 38, Albany, NY Loose woman drops the dope Andrea Amanatides, a 38-year-old Albany County woman, was charged a second time when she showed up to serve a six-month jail sentence, with a vagina filled with heroin and 256 prescription medication pills. According to the Albany County Sheriff's Office, Amanatides arrived at the Albany County Jail on Tuesday to begin a six-month sentence for a probation violation when her vagina failed keep a little secret she was hiding. Investigators say Amanatides filled a condom with 256 prescription pills and four bags of heroin. She then placed the condom inside her vagina prior to arriving at the jail. As she waited inside a holding cell, one of the pills dropped to the floor and rolled into open view. When Amanatides adjusted herself, the remaining drugs dropped to the floor as a security camera filmed the embarrassing windfall. Deputies recovered the drugs, which included 90 Lyrica pills, 37 Adderall pills, 50 Valium pills, 43 Trazadone pills, 10 Ambien pills, 26 Oxycontin pills and four bags of heroin. Amanatides was charged with five misdemeanor counts of criminal possession of a controlled substance and a felony charge of promoting prison contraband.
Tech Support Pits: From: Glenis Re: Start a partly pre-written mail with a shortcut Dear Webby, I saw one of the IT guys click on an icon and an already addressed email opened up. He just put some quick comments into the body of the email and fired it off. I didn't want to ask him and appear stupid, especially since those guys can't explain anything anyway. I take information by phone and then fire quotes by email to one of the four salespeople. I know YOU can explain how to do that. Thanks Glenis Dear Glenis Right-click on a free spot on the desktop's edge, New Shortcut and into the location field type (Everything on one line between the stars, even though I line-wrap it here for easier readability) ************* mailto:johnnie@company.com?subject=Quote # 123456&body=Hi Johnnie%0AThis is Line Two%0AThis is Line Three%0A%0AGlenis ************ %0A is the top secret command for a line feed. By the way, do NOT use quotes around the subject line or body parts like Microsoft suggests. That does not work. Windows would show the quotes and mess things up. With the Quote number in the subject line, just use the first few numbers, that don't change, and add the last three digits manually. With the body of the mail, I only added Line Two and Three to show you the way to add line feeds. You would of course use your own text there, whatever is the same in each email. In the Shortcut Settings you can go to Web Document and make a HotKey or Shortcut key, for example CTRL + ALT + J After that, whenever you hit CTRL + ALT + J the half written mail to Johnnie opens, Be careful that you don't assign a nearby letter to a mail to your lover! An accidental "Let's have a quickie at lunch" might get misinterpreted, if it gets to the wrong person. It is best to NOT use company mail for personal mails. If you have any doubts about that, check out how Nancy Sebring, the Superintendent of Public Schools in Des Moines, Iowa lost a $275,000 job, and most likely also her marriage. Steamy Emails from Superintendent Use Skype or Gmail for private stuff, not company mail! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?" Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied old Doc Carver. "I can't get my instrument bag open."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around again I get the bags down from the storage rack in the garage. There is no dust and everything is just where I left it. By Melinda from Melbourne, Australia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared a batch of bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
» Hum-along-Tunes


[ view entry ] ( 316 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 754 )
Mail with ZIP files attached 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 6

Congratulations to Wisconsin!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1813 US invasion of Canada halted at Stoney Creek (Ont) 
1882 Cyclone in Arabian Sea (Bombay India) drowns 100,000 
1882 Electric iron patented by Henry W. Seely, NYC
1914 1st air flight out of the sight of land (Scotland to Norway) 
1932 US Federal gas tax enacted
1933 1st drive-in theatre opens (Camden NJ) 
1942 1st nylon parachute jump
1942 1st nylon parachute jump
1944 D-Day: 150,000 Allied Expeditionary Force lands in Normandy, France 
1967 6 day war between Israel & Arab neighbors begins 
1982 Israel invades southern Lebanon, site of Palestinian guerrillas
1988 George Bush makes campaign promise to support reparations for WW II
           Japanese-American internees (promise broken by Clinton)
2012 Transit of Venus (between Earth & Sun) occurs
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge. --- Edward Chilton Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. --- Kurt Herbert Alder
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



The butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one. We have some guests coming over." "OK" says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one's too skinny. What else have you got?" the man asks. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes, then brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

Tony went to the doctor and told him that he couldn't hear himself fart. So the doctor gave Tony some pills. Tony asked him, "Will these make me hear better?" Doc replied, "No, but they will make you fart louder."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erin Sayar Teacher jailed for Having Sex with 16-Year-Old Student at "Horndog High" Erin Sayar, a 36-year-old English teacher at James Madison High School has been jailed after she allegedly had an affair with a 16-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched when the girlfriend of a 16-year-old student hacked into his Facebook page and found intimate messages between him and Sayar. Investigators say Sayar was tutoring the student when the relationship turned sexual. Sayar and the student reportedly engaged in sexual intercourse 8 to 12 times before the alleged relationship was uncovered. Some of the alleged sex acts reportedly took place in Sayar's SUV. In other instances the student skipped his 6th hour weight training class to visit her. The door to her classroom was reportedly locked during the pair's closed-door sessions. The couple also reportedly exchanged almost 4,000 messages over a 17-day period, according to an arrest affidavit. During questioning, the student was able to identify several tattoos, including a large mermaid tattoo, in intimate areas of Sayar's body. Sayar, who is a married with a child, was booked into jail and charged with rape, criminal sex act and sexual abuse of a minor. Her bond has been set at $10,000. James Madison High School has been dubbed "Horndog High" after at least three other teachers have been fired from the school after getting caught with sex-related offenses.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ocra Re: mail with zip files Dear Webby, lately I have received quite a few emails that had zip files attached, for example one today, claiming to be from DHL. I don't know anybody, who would send anything to me via DHL. All the kids and grandkids ever send is requests for money. So I have not opened it. Are all mails with attached zip files phony? Thanks Ocra Dear Ocra Yes. Sometimes programs, that require a certain directory structure, are in zip format. However, those are not sent via email, but are available as a download. If an email has a ZIP file attached, delete the attachment and then delete the email. Ignore the authentic looking logo, that the scammers copied. Any idiot can do that. Just dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?" The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash Shower Curtain with Clips Attached I used to hate washing my shower curtain. Undoing all those clips at the top, what a bore! One day, I took the entire curtain, clips and all, and threw it in the washing machine on delicate. What a time saver! No damage was done to the curtain and I saved so much time and aggravation. By junk02915 from Riverside, RI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man who was told by his doctor that he was suffering from acute alcoholism. The man said, "Doc, I can't tell my wife I am suffering from alcoholism. Isn't there one of those big medical terms that I can give her?" The doctor said, "As far as I'm concerned, there is no other term for it but alcoholism." As the man left the doctor's office he passed a music store and in the window his eye caught the word "syncopation". That word seemed to strike a responsive chord somewhere. When he got home he told his wife the doctor had said he was suffering from acute syncopation. That was all right until she looked up the word in the dictionary and read: "Syncopation - an irregular and erratic movement from bar to bar".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. "Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the kids into their coats, and I'll go honk the horn."
» Winged Multipedes


[ view entry ] ( 10 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 629 )
Good Advice 

"Moving Day"
Lawrence Brotherton

In the last 30 or so years, my wife and I have moved at least 12 or 13 times. Sometimes it was across town and sometimes it was from one country to another. This is my advice for those who are getting the urge to splurge with a new house.

1. Hire the cheapest mover in the Yellow Pages. Every mover will break or scratch the same quota of items, so it is better not to pay them so much to do it.

2. Forget about marking boxes. Marking boxes to move is somewhat akin to assembling you kid's bicycle, because there will be parts left over you don't know where they go. There will be rooms in the new house that do not fit the rooms they came from.

3. Forget any communications between you and the mover. One, they will forget where you are moving from and lose their directions to where you are moving to. Two, do not expect the mover to be on time. After waiting all day for him to arrive, just as you sit down for the evening meal a truck the size of a football field will pull up on your lawn expecting to get everything done before dark.

4. Do not watch the movers pack. Watching the movers pack is somewhat akin to looking in the kitchen of your favorite restaurant. It will make you sick with an irrepressible urge to throw up.

5. Two days before the movers promise to arrive, send your children off to camp for a month. Movers get along with children like mailmen get along with dogs. Before the day is over, it is inevitable that either a child will be accidentally boxed, or the mover will trip over a child and sue you for everything you own.

6. As soon as you get into your new house and replace all the broken and missing items, nail everything to the floor. You and your wife cut your wrists, cross arms, and make a blood vow never to move again.

7. The three most important things to remember about moving are...
1. Plan ahead
2. Don't do it
3. Consider the cost of the move as three times the cost of your new house.





[ view entry ] ( 175 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 360 )


Where does spam come from? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 5

Got the MRI behind me. First there was an hour of answering 
mostly obvious and already answered questions. For example 
on top there were questions about whether I was male or 
female. Then further down the form asked if I was pregnant
and if I was breastfeeding.

Since all that information is in my files, that dumb 
interrogation just made them look silly.

When they ran out of questions or got tired of hearing
smart-ass answers to silly questions, I had to lie down on 
a stretcher. They strapped me down and poked at my right 
arm for a while to find a vein for injecting some contrast
medium. Eventualy she succeeded.

Then they put some thick earphones on me that almost
covered my ears and shoved the stretcher and me into a 
culvert, that was almost as wide as my shoulders. They 
lowered the stretcher a bit and found a position, where they
could fit me in.

Then over the noise of some big fans echoing in the culvert
and apparently affecting the sound from the machine, that
issued instructions, they mumbled something like
"Wheeze in"
"Wheeze out"
"Wheeze backin"
Then there is some beeping like you sound off in the mine 
or heavy industry before you start up equipment,
probably to chase away whoever might be close,
then after five - ten seconds they mumble
"Oggeyiiii"

They kept doing that for about 90 minutes.
I lowered my breathing so that there was not much difference
between "wheeze in" and "wheeze out", and had a nap.

When done, they didn't show me any pictures or tell me any 
results, they just told me that I could get dressed and go home.
Apparently somebody more competent than the staff there today
will look at the pictures some day, probably from home via 
the Internet.

That seems to be standard procedure nowadays. 
When I find out what they see in the 90 minute test, I'll
let you know.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1661 Isaac Newton admitted as a student to Trinity College, Cambridge
1783 Joseph & Jacques Montgolfier make 1st public balloon flight 
1876 Bananas become popular in US
1912 US marines invade Cuba (3nd time) 
1917 10 million US men begin registering for draft in WW I
1940 1st synthetic rubber tire exhibited Akron OH
1975 Suez Canal reopens (after 6 Day War caused it to close)
1976 Teton Dam in Idaho burst causing $1 billion damage (14 die)
1977 1st personal computer, the Apple II, goes on sale 
1981 Center of Disease Control reports a pneumonia affecting gays (AIDS) 
1989 Paul McCartney releases "Flowers in the Dirt" 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. --- Thomas Jefferson Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- Franklin P. Jones If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. --- H. H. Williams Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Thanks to Diana for this story: At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker." "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver." SILENCE.................... "Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!"
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

And the world's Number One Thinnest Book MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson That caused somebody named Jessie and two other people to unsubscribe, and somebody named Hilary gave gift subscriptions to seventeen people. The bandaid joke reminded two people that when they subscribed, they really SHOULD have put their first name or nickname into the spot that asked for first name or nickname. If you accidentally put your full name there, or misspelled your name or nickname, or forgot to use a Cap for the first letter, please tell me. It only takes a second or two to fix that.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Catalina Clouser, 19, in Phoenix, Arizona Teacher - Charged With Having Year-Long Sexual Relationship With Student Melody Carter-McCabe, a 27-year-old agriculture teacher at Livingston High School, has been jailed after she allegedly had a year-long sexual relationship with a 15-year-old student. According to the Merced County Sheriff's Office, an i nvestigation was launched in March of this year after gossip began circulating around the school of a sexual relationship between Carter-McCabe and a student who was 15 years old when the alleged relationship began. Investigators say the relationship began in September, 2010 and lasted until August, 2011. The pair reportedly became close when Carter-McCabe began mentoring the student through Future Farmers of America (FFA). The student told investigators that he was a regular visitor at the teacher's home and that he and his teacher engaged in sex more than 50 times during the relationship. The pair reportedly exchange a large number of photographs and messages during the course of the relationship - items that are now in the hands of prosecutors in the case. The relationship reportedly ended in 2011 when the couple decided that their age difference would make it impossible to be together until he was older. Carter-McCabe was booked into jail and charged with nine felony counts of unlawful sex with a minor. Her bail was set at $250,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Christina Re: Where does spam come from? Dear Webby, Where does all the spam come from? When I look up the IP numbers, I see Chinese servers, but that does not make sense at all. Christina Dear Christina What you saw were relays in China. Some Chinese servers make money by allowing spammers to send their spam through them to disguise the origin, and some of them are simply so incompetent that they don't even notice it when spammers do that. They don't really care anyway. It's no big deal to them if the US loses a Billion Dollars in productivity every week because people have to waste time on getting rid of spam. There is no point in getting sidetracked with the misdirections. If we block China, then the spammers will just relay through Africa. What you have to look at is who paid the geeks to send the spam through China to you. It's the fake Rollex seller a few houses over from you, and the pill pusher across the street from the church, and that annoying yuppie insurance broker next door to Gramma's house. You have to look at who would benefit if you fell for the spam. Those are the real culprits. The FTC could easily find them, if they wanted to, or if they were encouraged enough. PayPal and the credit card companies will quite cheerfully comply with a subpoena and reveal who the beneficiary of an order was. They don't like spam either. Personally, I don't see that spam, because MailWasher dumps it right on the server, unseen. I only see the cute and colorful stats and charts, that tell me which of my filters was killing the most spam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A radio announcer was introducing a record, "This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, that's a ripe old age, isn't it?" There was a short pause and then the DJ said, "I'm sorry, I got it wrong. This next one one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Organizer Bucket Idea Four gallon square buckets fit inside five gallon round buckets. By putting the square one inside the round one, you have a center place for your potting soil and small spaces for the gardening implements and garden stakes. The four gallon diameter is 9 15/16 inches and the diameter of the five gallon is 11 inches approximately. You may have to play around with the different sizes, but if you have two at home that you can try out, why not? This would also work with boots in the center and umbrellas around the edges, tall and short dried flowers, or anything you want to keep handy and don't want to dig around for. Hope this helps! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Arvid Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So, I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left the house, I overheard my daughter saying, "There goes dad again, making fountains out of mole hills."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
> From Dave After I had purchased movie tickets for myself and my girlfriend, she went inside to find seats while I got some popcorn. By the time I was served, the previews were being shown as I stumbled my way through the dark, sat down and gave my girlfriend a long and apparently much appreciated kiss and smooch. Then I heard a familiar voice say, "Dave, I'm back here."
» Harley's Pride and Joy


[ view entry ] ( 157 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 487 )
Lucky 

A guy is strolling down the street in Vegas when he comes across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it vigorously, and out pops a genie.

The genie offers to grant him one wish, to which the guy replies; "I've had terrible luck my whole life, I just wish I could have some good luck for a change."

"And so it shall be" says the genie as he disappears in a puff of smoke.

So off the guy strolls, wondering if this will really change his life, when he spies $10 on the sidewalk. Not a bad start he thinks. As he picks it up, he notices a betting shop across the road. He strolls over, looks through the racing list, and sees a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 odds. He puts the $10 on the nose, and what do you know, the horse comes in first.

Feeling on a bit of a roll, he heads to the nearest casino, fronts up at the roulette table and puts the whole $1,010 on "Lucky seven." Round and round the wheel spins, and "bang!" - Lucky Seven.

Now he's really flying.... what better way to celebrate than to head to the local brothel for a bit of horizontal folk dancing. He knocks and enters, when all of a sudden he is showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. The madam of the establishment puts her arm around him and says,

"Welcome sir! We have much pleasure in informing you that you are our lucky 1,000th customer, and you have won the right to enjoy the pleasures of any girl who works here, absolutely free of charge."

The guy says that he's always fancied making it with an Indian girl.... so he's ushered into one of the rooms and in strolls themost gorgeous Indian woman he has ever seen. Not much time passes before clothing is strewn around the room and the Karma Sutra (pp 101 to 532) is being well and truly tested. At one point the guy pauses and says to the girl,

"You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am to be with you. But there is one thing I don't really like about Indian women. I don't like that red spot that you all have on your forehead."

The Indian girl looks him in the eye and says, "Sir, I am here to please you and succumb to your every desire. If you wish to see my caste mark gone, then please scratch it off."

So the guy goes at it with his fingernail. All of a sudden he leans back and starts killing himself laughing.

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asks the Indian girl.

To which the guy replies, "You're never going to believe this, but I've just won a car!"



[ view entry ] ( 191 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 498 )


Proper way to change subscription address 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 4

Today I have to drive to Calgary for an MRI. They had been
quite concerned, that there might be some iron in my head
from the two aneurism operations in the late 80s and early
90's. I was quite sure that the hospital in Vancouver, that 
did the operations, used stainless steel, which is not affected
by magnets, and they finally confirmed that. 

As far as I know, an MRI is just an hour of filling out red tape
promising not to sue them, if I die during the procedure,
and then five to ten minutes resting in some culvert.

On the way to Foothills Hospital I'll stop by Dianne, the lady
who sends the Bonus links every day, and drop off some 
rhubarb for her.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
780 -BC- 1st total solar eclipse reliably recorded by Chinese 
1070 Roquefort cheese created in a cave near Roquefort, France
1783 Montgolfier brothers launch 1st hot-air balloon (unmanned) 
1784 Mme Thible becomes 1st woman to fly (in a balloon) 
1792 Capt George Vancouver claims Puget Sound for Britain 
1805 Tripoli forced to conclude peace with US after war over ransom
1912 Massachusetts passes 1st US minimum wage law
1919 US marines invade Costa Rica
1940 British complete miracle of Dunkirk by evacuating 300,000 troops
1940 German forces enter Paris
1942 Battle of Midway begins; Japan's 1st major defeat in WW II 
1944 5th Army enters & liberates Rome from Mussolini
1946 Largest solar prominence (300,000 mi/500,000 km) observed 
1956 Speech by Khrushchev blasting Stalin made public
1982 Israel attacks targets in south Lebanon
1985 Supreme Court strikes down Alabama "moment of silence" law 
1990 Greyhound Bus files bankruptcy 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. --- W. C. Fields Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. --- Ambrose Bierce You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. --- Scott Adams There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



came home from the bar one night quite inebreated and wanted to sneak in so the spouse wouldn't know. Unfortunately the mickey in 's back pocket broke as tried to sneak up the stairs and fell backwards. Some of the glass cut 's rear end. grabbed the box of bandaids and attempted to cover the cuts. The next morning 's spouse Remarked: "You were pretty drunk when you came home last night." How did you know ?" replied. "Your shoes were sitting on the porch and there was broken glass at the bottom of the stairs and a smelly booze stain on the carpet, but the clincher was the 15 bandaids stuck on the hall mirror."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

The World's Thinnest Books FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman MY WILD YEARS by Al Gore DETROIT: a Travel Guide ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson And the world's Number One Thinnest Book MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jessie Jackson
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Judy for reporting this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Catalina Clouser, 19, in Phoenix, Arizona Stoned Mom Puts Baby on Car Roof, Drives Off Catalina Clouser had her 5-week-old baby strapped in a car seat when she drove home just after midnight yesterday. Unfortunately, the mom, who unsurprisingly admits she was smoking pot beforehand, left both baby and car seat on the roof of her car, reports the Arizona Republic. When Clouser got home, she realized her baby was missing and called friends to get them to look for the baby. Luckily, Phoenix officials had already gotten a report about a baby in the middle of an intersection and taken him to a local hospital. The baby was OK, according to a police spokesman, and the child is now in the custody of Arizona Child Protective Services. Police said Clouser and her boyfriend had been smoking marijuana in a park and left with the toddler to buy beer late on Friday night. Officers stopped the car and the boyfriend was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence while driving with the baby INSIDE the 2000 Ford Focus. Clouser then drove to a friend's home and "admittedly smoked one or two additional bowls of marijuana," Holmes said. When she left from there after midnight, she put the baby onto the roof of the car and left it there, while she drove home. Clouser has been arrested for child abuse and DUI charges and is in Joe Arpaio's tent city, most likely wearing a pink jail uniform.
Tech Support Pits: From: Joan Re: Proper way to change the address Dear Webby, I will be changing my e-mail address at the end of the month, How do I change it on my Dear Webby newsletter. Cheers Joan Dear Joan The prim and proper way would be to subscribe at http://webby.com/sub That tests the new address and sends you a confirmation request. If you don't get the confirmation request, then the new address is still too flakey. So you get your new ISP to fix the problem, and try subscribing again. (The old request ages off in 72 hours) If the email works now, you get the confirmation request, hit OK on that, and your new subscription is in. The next morning you will have the Humor Letter at the new address, AND at the old address. Then you go to the one at the old address, scoot all the way down, and click on the UNsubscribe line there. That is the prim and proper way. You can also just tell me which address to add. Assuming that the new address works, then you just have to UNsubscribe the old one, once you have the first Humor Letter at the new address. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, - who wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep After School Snacks in the Car Keep snacks in the car. Fill a sandwich bag with pretzels, crackers, cheerios, etc. Keep bottled water also. If you pick up your kids, as I do, they are hungry when they get in the car. This snack gets them to dinner and makes for a more pleasant ride home. By Wanda from Climax, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could manage our house over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days a train is going to be leaving late and you're goin' to get caught!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Myrna I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?" So she walked over and stood on his foot.
» Transit of Venus


[ view entry ] ( 238 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 424 )
Fuzzy close-ups 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 3

Some Shriners having fun during the annual parade today:


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1098 Christian Crusaders seize Antioch, Turkey
1539 Hernando De Soto claims Florida for Spain 
1976 US presented with oldest known copy of Magna Carta
1991 Mount Unzen erupts in Japan. Worst eruption in Japanese history 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise. --- Bertrand Russell Imitation is the sincerest form of television. --- Fred Allen The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking. --- Louis Vermeil Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again. --- James R. Cook
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



> From Bob The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.'
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jenna Anne Schultz, 26, in St Paul, Minnesota Teacher's sexual advances not appreciated by student Jenna Anne Schultz, a 26-year-old student teacher at Simley High School, has been jailed after she allegedly stalked a 17-year-old student with text messages and a naked photo. According to police, Schultz reportedly sent text messages, Facebook messages and a nude photograph of herself to a Simley High School student who apparently didn't want the attention. Investigators say the messages and photograph were sent between May 11 and May 14. The boy reported the inappropriate contact to school officials who, in turn, reported the matter to police. During a police interview, Schultz reportedly admitted to taking the explicit photo, but claimed that she must have been drunk when she sent the photograph to the student.
Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Fuzzy close-ups Dear Webby When I take close-ups with my digital camera, the center always seems to be fuzzy. Distance shots are clear, so it's not a greasy fingerprint on the lens. It's a very small lens and recessed anyway. What could cause that? Thanks Pat Dear Pat Especially with small lenses the aperture has to open up wide if the lighting is low. That causes the area of sharpness to shrink to a thin layer. If you can add extra light, that will thicken the layer of sharpness. When you can't add light, go farther away. Use the highest resolution you got, and then later crop the picture to get your close-up. When you are really close, the layer that is in focus is maybe half an inch thick. That might be the tips of a flower, and the inner parts of a deep blossom might be fuzzy. From a few feet away, the layer of sharpness would be 5-6 inches and plenty to show the entire flower nice and sharp. Close-up lenses and microscopes are no help at all. They make that effect even worse. When up very close using the flash often helps. The camera pre-calculates the effect of the flash and squints down the aperture. On a close-up most of the flash will shoot right by it and what light from it, that actually hits the object, will be at a good angle and improve contrast. As a general rule of thumb, the smaller the lens is, the more light you need, and the farther back you should be. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I've noticed the oddest behavior in most women. The only time they won't look in a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Scrubs as Pajamas Medical scrubs make very comfortable, cheap pajamas. They are available in a variety of colors and styles (including large sizes if required). I got mine from RMF Scrubs. By Verity from Norfolk, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "It sure is!" "Well, I will talk to my husband about this tonight !" That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The two female teens were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence. "Aren't you worried about Tommy's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil." "Doesn't matter." giggled the other girl, "He doesn't do all my writing, anyway!"
» Whittling


[ view entry ] ( 285 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 647 )
Address change notifications 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 2

Long time subscriber Mike Moore wrote:
Hi i'm an above the knee amutee and at 71 just learning 
to walk with my new leg. I have the leg with the free swing 
knee and if I stub my toe, down I go. The knee will not lock 
up to keep me from falling. I have been trying to get the 
computerized knee that would lock up in case of a stub 
plus it would learn my gate of walk. The only problem of 
getting one is my copay is $5000. Yes $5000 Co-Pay! 
And like you, my money is very short.
Mike Moore 
Dayton NV

If anybody knows of some way to help Mike get a better leg
than a free-swing peg-leg, please let me know and I'll connect
you to Mike.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
455 Gaiseric & the Vandals sack Rome 
1835 P.T. Barnum & his circus begin 1st tour of US
1851 1st US alcohol prohibition law enacted (Maine) 
1857 James Gibbs, Va., patents chain-stitch single-thread sewing machine 
1866 Renegade Irish Fenians surrender to US forces 
1883 1st night baseball under lights, Ft Wayne Indiana
1924 US citizenship granted to all American Indians 
1953 Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II in Westminster Abbey 
1966 US Surveyor 1 lands in Oceanus Procellarum; 1st lunar soft-landing
1969 Australian aircraft carrier "Melbourne" slices US destroyer
           "Frank E Evans" in half, killing 74. (South Vietnam) 
1989 10,000 Chinese soldiers are blocked by 100,000 citizens protecting
           students demonstrating for democracy in Tiananmen Square, Beijing 
1997 Timothy McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing of the federal building 
  in Oklahoma City.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible. --- Deepak Chopra Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. --- Dave Barry Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying "Free to good home, You want it you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal, looks to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. ------------------- I am going to try that with some left-over chainlink fence, that has been sitting around for too long.
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

The first time I sent this joke out, I was sending the Humor Letter with Winfax. That was before the Internet. Accident Report. I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient: I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collar- bone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and groin. The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope. The barrel came down at a rapid pace and broke my glasses, my nose, and four teeth.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stephanie Irene Santana, 20, in Houston, Texas Drunken Pregnant Woman Asks For Tattoo While Baby Is Left Unattended In Car, Found Passed Out In Car Stephanie Irene Santana, a 20-year-old Houston woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly left her 10-month-old child alone in a car while she got a piercing. According to the Houston Police Department, Santana, who is 7 months pregnant and extremely intoxicated, drove to a tattoo parlor around 2:45 a.m. and asked how long it would take to get a tattoo. She reportedly stated that she was limited on time because she had a sleeping baby outside in her car. Employees advised her to tend to her child, then called police. Investigators say officers found Santana outside the tattoo parlor passed out at the wheel. Her daughter was asleep in the passenger seat, unrestrained. Officers found several open beer bottles and Xanax in the car. The child was placed into protective custody while social workers work to find a suitable relative to place the child with. Santana was booked into jail and charged with driving while intoxicated, child endangerment, and possession of a controlled substance.
Tech Support Pits: From: Noname Re: New Address My new address is ............. Dear Noname What is your old address? Or are you just a half-baked scammer trying to phish for working addresses to spam to? If you want me to update your address, please tell me your Old Address New Address. First Name Sometimes I can guess, but don't count on that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Rose for this: One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right now!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Packaging for Covering Your Workbench I save the large (25 and 50 pound) heavy craft paper bags that wild bird seed comes in. I cut along the top and bottom of the stitching and slit one side then fold and store them on my work bench. These make wonderful heavy disposable work surface covers to protect your workbench for your current project. I also use them when spray painting, stripping furniture, etc. as they catch all the overspray and drips. When your finished, you just fold them up and put them in the trash. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy. "Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the 'Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So, where are all your cows?" "None of 'em survived the branding."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooow, Sandy! Do you come here often?." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."
» Stoned bridges


[ view entry ] ( 204 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 369 )
Double Amputee walking? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1495 1st written record of Scotch Whiskey appears in Exchequer Rolls
           of Scotland. Friar John Cor is the distiller 
1774 British govt orders Port of Boston closed 
1845 Homing pigeon completes 11,000 km trip (Namibia-London) in 55 days 
1855 US adventurer Wm Walker conquers Nicaragua, reestablishes slavery 
1869 Voting Machine patented by Thomas Edison 
1877 US troops authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico
1915 1st Zeppelin air raid over England 
1938 Superman Comics launched 
1939 British sub "Thetis" sinks in Liverpool Bay with all 99 aboard
1969 Tobacco advertising is banned on Canadian radio & TV 
1990 The Cowboy Channel on cable TV begins transmitting
1991 Mount Pinatubo (Phillipines) erupts for 1st time in 600 years 
2001 Crown Prince Dipendra of Nepal wiped out most of the royal family before shooting himself.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --- Aesop Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. --- Kin Hubbard
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



From Jane: We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night. At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies." Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?"
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A City Policeman went up to a vendor selling toys and said, "I'm sorry, you can't sell that stuff without a license." The peddler replied, "I knew I wasn't selling any, but I didn't know the reason."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heidi Hyre, 51, in Albany, Oregon Heidi Hyre And The Case Of The Naughty Librarian Heidi Hyre, a 51-year-old library aide at South Albany High School has been jailed after she allegedly sent sexual text messages to three gossipy students and had sex with one of them. According to police, Hyre had more on her mind than the Dewey Decimal System when she allegedly began sexting with three 17-year-old students at South Albany High School. Investigators say Hyre, who is married with college aged children, also had sex with one of the students. The sexual encounter reportedly took place in her car about two miles from the school. Hyre has been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation. An investigation was launched after rumors of an inappropriate relationship began circulating around the school. Hyre was booked into jail and charged with using a child in a display of sexually explicit conduct, encouraging child sex abuse, luring a minor, contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor and third-degree sexual abuse. Her bail has been set at $25,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Unc Wes Re: Double Amputee walking Dear Webby I would love to see a double-amputee walk...even with a cane !!! unk wes Dear Unc Wes Not all amputees can afford bionic legs. Many have just cheap peg-legs and do need a cane to walk and even to stand upright without leaning onto a counter or wall. Usually only when they lose their legs as very young kids, do they achieve proper balance without a cane, however, some make it to the olympics and compete against runners, who have both legs, and who complain, that the amputee has an unfair advantage. Runner without legs Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up." The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten, and pulled the first cord. Nothing happened. He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened. As he careened crazily earthward, he yelled: "@%$# Army! . I'll bet that truck won't be there either!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Rubber Bands Save the little plastic hanger that comes with a new pair of socks. Load all your stray rubber bands onto the hanger. Use one rubber band to make the hinge. Loop it inside itself around the end and then hook the other end. Toss it in a drawer or hang. By Anne from Memphis, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Because I was processing my first accident report at the transport company where I worked, I was being particularly attentive. The driver had hit a deer on the highway, and the result was a severely damaged hood and fender. My serious mood was broken, however, when I reached the section of the report that asked, "Speed of other vehicle?" The driver had put, "Full gallop."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"
» Sedimentary, My Dear


[ view entry ] ( 175 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 417 )
Flame "virus" 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0070 Rome captures 1st wall of the city of Jerusalem 
1665 Jerusalem's rabbi Sjabtai Tswi proclaims himself Messiah
1678 Lady Godiva rides naked through Coventry in a protest of taxes
1879 1st electric railway opens at Berlin
1884 Dr John Harvey Kellogg patents "flaked cereal" 
1891 Work on trans-Siberian railway begins
1900 British troops under Lord Roberts occupy Johannesburg 
1900 US troops arrive in Peking, help put down Boxer Rebellion 
1907 Taxis 1st began running in NYC 
1912 US marines land on Cuba 
1916 British battle cruiser Invincible explodes, killing all but 6 
1935 Quake kills 50,000 in Quetta Pakistan 
1940 Prime Minister Winston Churchill flees to Paris
1941 41 U boats sunk this month (325,000 ton) 
1947 Communists grab power in Hungary 
1955 Construction begins on Soviet cosmodrome launch facilities
1961 Union of South Africa becomes a republic, leaving the Commonwealth 
1970 An earthquake in Peru left more than 50,000 dead.
1979 Zimbabwe (Rhodesia) proclaims independence
1980 Police & youthful rebels battle in Zurich
1991 Oldest bride - Minnie Munro, 102, weds Dudley Reid, 83, in Australia
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Just keep going. Everybody gets better if they keep at it. --- Ted Williams It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them. --- Pierre Beaumarchais Verizon's "support" is built on that concept.
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out Mrs Smith is pregnant and I've been on birth control pills since February."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A frog decided to call the psychic hotline and see what his future held for him. The psychic says, "You will meet a very beautiful girl, who will want to know everything about you." "That's great !" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party, in the pond?" The psychic hesitated, then responded, "You will meet her next semester, in Biology lab!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tiffany Jacobs and Alvina Leiba, both 19 in Deltona, Florida Heavy Pizza Robbery A “wide view” Florida woman and her companion are facing felony charges after the ravenous duo allegedly hatched a harebrained plot to rob a Pizza Hut deliveryman of two large pizzas, 14 chicken wings, and an apple pie. Short on cash, Tiffany Jacobs and Alvina Leiba, both 19, concocted a plan to score the free grub, which was delivered around midnight to Leiba’s home in Deltona, according to a charging affidavit prepared by the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. In interviews with deputies, Jacobs and Leiba said they did not have enough money to pay for the Pizza Hut food, so they “planned on scaring the pizza delivery man into leaving prior to them paying.” Jacobs (Two-Ton, left) told cops that Leiba (right) gave her “all black clothing and a mask to wear,” and that she “obtained a wooden bat from the neighbor’s yard to intimidate the pizza delivery man with.” When Pizza Hut employee Brian Healy, 19, arrived at Leiba’s home, she directed him to put the food down on a table inside the doorway while she searched for extra cash (she was holding only $12). That’s when the 5’ 1”, 200-pound Jacobs, in her wanna-be ninja getup, emerged from her hiding spot and approached Healy from behind. Jacobs, who has used the alias "Shaccariana Jackson," told cops that she planned to scare the deliveryman by swinging the bat at a pole near the doorway, but “accidentally” hit him in the side and head a few times. Healy told deputies that a “large African American female” assailant struck him in the head and left arm with a baseball bat. After wrestling the bat out Jacobs’s hands, he threw it into the yard, as Jacobs fled. Remarkably, Healy then returned to the front door and “asked the original customer if she was going to pay for the food.” While Leiba claimed that she was calling police, presumably to report him for attacking her partner, Healy returned to the roadway and he actually dialed 911. Expecting cops to arrive at the residence, Jacobs and Leiba hid in some nearby woods until sunrise. The pair then returned to Leiba’s home, where they subsequently ate the Pizza Hut food. After the women were arrested and placed in a holding cell, they “laughed profusely about the situation,” according to the affidavit sworn by Deputy Kyle Walter. Leiba remarked that she “would not pay any fines assigned to her and would flee to Trinidad” and said she was “so hungry she would rob a McDonald’s with Jacobs when they got out of jail.” Jacobs told investigators that she and Leiba had “been planning on robbing a pizza delivery man for approximately one year” and had actually attempted a Pizza Hut heist several months ago. In the original attempt, Jacobs answered the door, “while Leiba was supposed to scare the delivery man.” Who happened to be Healy. However, the 5’ 3”, 120-pound Leiba failed to scare the Pizza Hut worker and “Jacobs stated that she paid for the pizza during that incident.” Asked if he had previously delivered to the Deltona residence, Healy recalled a “suspicious incident” during which “the wider individual answered the door, while the not so wide female approached him from the rear.” Healy added that he was not assaulted that time, nor did he contact police. Jacobs, charged with armed robbery and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, is being held in the Volusia County jail in lieu of $3000 bail. Leiba, facing an armed robbery count, bailed out of custody Saturday after posting $1500.
Tech Support Pits: From: sex c sass c Re: "Flame" virus Dear Webby Enjoy your newlsetter everyday and the questions that others ask. I don't always understand the questions/answers but do find them interesting. My question is abput this new virus making headlines nicknamed Flame. What do you know about it and do we have fear it over here in this part of the woods? Thanks for all you do and for making us smile! sex c sass c Dear Sex C Sass C Security firms have not been warning of any direct risk to average Internet users. Sophos' noted that "Flame" has only been discovered in a few hundred computers in Iran and thereabouts. “Certainly, it's pretty insignificant when you compare it to the 600,000 Mac computers which were infected by the Flashback malware earlier this year.” Flame can extract huge amounts of data, that takes a great amount of work to analyze. Therefore it's owners are limiting it to just a few hundred carefully targeted "high value" computers. It's not really a virus anyway. It does not seem to replicate itself and spread on it's own, but seems more a carefully targeted invasion. As long as you don't build nuclear bombs in your kitchen or engage in any terrorism or significant threat to peace, Flame won't be targeted at you. However, even if you only terrorize hubby and the dog, it is still a good idea to keep your McAfee up to date. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Placemat With Photos I take pictures from trips I have taken, laminate them on placemat size paper. They are always of interest when people come to dinner. I have also done this with various holiday cards, so I have placemats to go with all holidays. By Bev from Carlsbad, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old man walked by, and one of the old grandmas says, "We bet we can tell how old you are." The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it." One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your undershorts and we can tell your exact age." He did. The grandmas stared at him for a while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!" The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How did you guess that?" The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison, "You told us yesterday!"
» Say Cheese


[ view entry ] ( 388 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 735 )
"Email Account Suspension" Mail  



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 30

While looking at the preview list of mail in MailWasher, 
I saw this semi-legitimate looking mail today, that claimed

"Dear PayPal User,
You sent a payment for $5698.53 USD to Damian Lugo."

Yeah, sure. I got the 53 cents, but the $5698 simply are not
in my account, or anywhere near it. 

The actual link underlying, but exposed by Mailwasher for
"View the details of this transaction online"
was
http://wwwa-tecindustries.com/TU6Dp4tJ/index.html

The same link was underlying links pretending to be PayPal
links. Naturally, I would not hit that link with a 10 foot pole. 

If you don't have MailWasher to expose stuff like that, be
very careful with mails, that claim you had sent money
somewhere, even though you haven't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake as a heretic.
1539 Spanish explorer Fernando de Soto discovers Florida
1808 Napoleon annexes Tuscany & gave it seats in French Senate 
1814 1st Treaty of Paris, after Napoleon's 1st abdication
1821 James Boyd patents Rubber Fire Hose
1848 México ratifies treaty giving US; New Mexico, California & 
parts of Nevada, Utah, Arizona & Colorado in return for $15 million 
1858 Hudson Bay Company's rights to Vancouver Island revoked 
1872 Mahlon Loomis patents wireless telegraphy
1889 The brassiere is invented
1896 1st car accident occurs, Henry Wells hit a bicyclist (NYC) 
1913 New country of Albania is formed 
1941 English Army enters Baghdad, chasing pro-German coup government 
1942 1,047 bombers bomb Cologne in RAF's raid of WWII 
1966 300 US airplanes bomb North Vietnam
1966 US launches Surveyor 1 to the Moon
1967 Robert "Evel" Knievel's motorcycle jumps 16 automobiles
1968 University church in Leipzig, East Germany, blown up 
1976 Bobby Unser sets world record for the fastest pit stop (4 seconds) 
1997 Betty Shabazz, widow of Malcolm X, set afire by 12 year old grandson 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Indecision may or may not be my problem. --- Jimmy Buffett If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone. --- Maxwell Maltz
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. The reply came back: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ... because he hated the book!"
Click on the picture for the large version Fuzzy Flora
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ashley Holton, 35, from Alabama, now in a Florida jail Solo Sex Act On Busy Florida Highway Ashley Holton, a 35-year-old Alabama woman was jailed Sunday after she allegedly masturbated in front of passing motorists on a busy Florida highway, then resisted arrest. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Holton was wearing nothing more than a pink shirt when she decided to pull her car over on Highway 484 near Interstate 75 and then masturbate in front of passing motorists. Holton's display of self-love attracted the attention of herds of motorists - many of whom committed illegal U-Turns to watch her. Holton continued to engage in the sex act for a half hour before deputies arrived on scene. Investigators say Holton kicked, bit and exposed herself to deputies who were attempting to arrest her. She continued to expose herself even after she was secured with handcuffs. Holton was booked into the Marion County Jail and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct and exposure of sexual organs. Her bond has been set at $16,250.
Tech Support Pits: From: Angel Re: "Email Account Suspension" Mail Dear Webby I received all kinds of weird mail threatening to suspend my email account if I did not open some attachment and do this or that. The mails pretended to be from some team at my domain. Well, as you know, my team is me and my dog, and neither one of us sends silly emails to the other. What is it all about and how do I stop it? Angel Dear Angel It's some silly scammer. Just make a filter in MailWasher that looks for "Email Account Suspension" in the subject line, and tell it to trash that mail automatically, without even bothering to show it to you. You won't see another one. Don't worry about that filter accidentally dumping legitimate mail. Nobody will announce suspending anybody's email. If email has to be messed with, because that address has not been checked in a long time, and the mail box has over 50 MB of spam in it, then there is no point adding a suspension notice to the end of that UNchecked pile of mail. The box will simply be dumped when it goes over the limit. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set a Timer to Prevent an Overflowing Bathtub I used to be the world's worst at forever overflowing my bathtub! I'd get it started then wind up on the computer or doing something else and next thing I knew I had water all over the place! I never over flow it anymore. I went to the dollar store and bought 2 small timers that have the clips on the back. One for each bathroom. Now as soon as I get the water running I grab the timer, set it and start it, and clip it to the neck or as high up as I can of my clothing. As soon as it goes off, I know to go in and shut the water off. I haven't over flowed the tub once since I got these 3 years ago! By Cricketnc from Parkton, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge. After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling." "Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not." Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The Rabbi eyed him coolly and replied. . . "With whom?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Lu for this one: I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals. Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or "Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie." If you look in my freezer you'll see "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," and, my favorite, "Food." That way when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have exactly what he wants."
» Awesome Asteroids


[ view entry ] ( 309 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 677 )
How to get rid of Internet Explorer INBOX 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 29

>From Nellie
Hi,
Tom and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary on Sunday, June 3.
It is also the 50th anniversary of the Orly plane crash in France that killed
so many people from Atlanta, GA.
Nellie

Congratulations, Nellie and Tom!

The late and cold spring did not stop or slow down the Rhubarb
at all. It is ready! First rhubarb is always the very best, 
and I made a big pot full to go with a stack of hearty 
rye pancakes. At the Bulk Barn rye flour is cheaper than
wheat flour, quite the opposite from regular grocery stores,
where they sell rye flour in small gourmet packages at 
ridiculous prices.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0526 Antioch struck by Earthquake; about 250,000 die 
1415 Council of Konstanz 
1453 Constantinople falls to Muhammad II (Turks); ends Byzantine Empire 
1849 Lincoln says "You can fool some of the people all of the time, 
& all of the people some of time, but you can't fool all of the people 
all of the time"
1849 Patent for lifting vessels granted to Abraham Lincoln 
1864 Mexican Emperor Maximilian arrives at Vera Cruz
1874 Present constitution of Switzerland takes effec
1911 1st Indianapolis 500 car race, Ray Harroun wins at 74.59 mph
1953 Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first to 
reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1977 A J Foyt wins Indianapolis 500 (average speed of 161.331 mph) 
for a record 4th time
1989 Student protesters in Tiananmen Square China construct a 
replica of the Statue of Liberty 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck. --- Adam Clayton Powell Jr.,
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling. "Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted." "Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by. She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home, because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the kickback from the dopey anaesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Dad for this picture Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today, from the Echinocereus family.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jessica Strahl, 28, Indianapolis,, Indiana Jailed After Attacking and Robbing Disabled Mother, Jessica Strahl, a 28-year-old Indiana woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly attacked her disabled mother when her mother refused to give her money. According to Indianapolis Metro Police, Strahl became angry last Friday when she asked her mother for money, but her mother refused to give her any. The victim, a double-amputee who relies on a cane to walk, refused the request even when Strahl insisted that people were "after her." In retaliation, Strahl allegedly pushed her mother to the ground and ripped two gold necklaces from her mother's neck. Strahl then stole her mother's cane, rendering her incapacitated. The victim suffered injuries to her back and arm as a result of the confrontation. Strahl reportedly fled the home in a red pickup truck and pawned the jewelry at a local pawn shop. She remained a fugitive of justice for nearly a week before she was finally tracked down and arrested. Strahl was booked into jail on a preliminary charge of robbery. Assault charges may be pending as the investigation continues.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Internet Explorer INBOX Dear Webby All of a sudden it takes a lot longer to get on Internet Explorer and when the screen does open there is a full screen labeled INBOX and wants me to register for the program. How can I speed up my access to Internet Explorer and get rid of the prompt for "INBOX" program? John Dear John That sounds like an infection. I would run a reputable anti-Malware program like McAfee and clean up as soon as possible. If you also have that nuisance INBOX toolbar, dump it. Most likely it came in with the same infection. You can dump that from START ControlPanel ADD/Remove Programs (on W7 search in that disorganized mess for "Programs and Features") and in there look for INBOX, and dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Doll House from Old Bookcase To make a Barbie house, start with a small bookcase you might have that you no longer use. Use carpet remnants for the floor, or recycle an old rug. You can also use linoleum scraps to cover the floor of your doll house, or use the contact paper with the wood look. Use contact paper or glue on wallpaper scraps for the walls. You might choose to paint the bookcase before beginning the craft the dollhouse, depending on what color the bookcase is. Use small pictures cut from magazines to glue on the walls for room decor. This dollhouse is good when you don't have much floor space. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
» Death Valley


[ view entry ] ( 161 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 265 )
What is a Hotkey? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 28
Memorial Day in the USA

Happy 55th Anniversary Lillemore and Gene!
How can you have a 55th anniversary, 
if you are just 29 and a bit?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0585 -BC- Thales Miletus predicts solar eclispe
0585 -BC-  Persian-Lydian battle ends 
1349 60 Jews murdered in Breslau Silesia
1731 All Hebrew books in Papal State are confiscated
1818 1st steam-vessel to sail Great Lakes launched
1845 Fire in Québec City, Canada, 1,500 houses destroyed 
1900 Solar eclipse occurs 
1918 Tatars declare Azerbaijan, in Russian Caucasus, independent 
1919 Armenia declares it's independence 
1923 Attorney General says it is legal for women to wear trousers anywhere
1923 US unemployment has nearly ended 
1928 Dodge Brothers Inc & Chrysler Corp merged 
1940 Belgium surrenders to Germany, King Leopold III gives himself up
1940 British-French troops capture Narvik Norway 
1961 Last trip (Paris to Bucharest) on Orient Express (after 78 years) 
1963 Cyclone hits Chittagong, Bangladesh; estimated 22,000 die 
& 1 million houses destroyed 
1964 Palestine National Congress forms the PLO 
(Palestine Liberation Organization) in Jerusalem
1979 European Market accepts Greece as member
2003 Pres. Bush signed a $350 billion tax cut into law; the 
  third largest tax cut in U.S. history.
Today is also the day of St Bernard, the patron saint of mountain climbers.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In an interview this week Paris Hilton said she never discussed sex with her parents. She said she was too shy to ask them about it. In fact, everything she knows about sex she learned from watching her own videos. --- Jay Leno The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "That's quite ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra Hundred. Bye."

Groan Alert! A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing: she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic gear?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well? Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well? What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She's a battery seller." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the sea shore."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Melissa Eaton, 48 in Lilbourn, MO Jailed After Having Sex with 13-year-old boy twice a week over two year period Melissa Eaton, a 48-year-old Missouri woman was jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 13-year-old boy (twice a week) for nearly two years. According to police, Eaton began a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old boy in April 2010 and continued having sex with the boy - twice a week - until February 2012. An investigation was launched after juvenile authorities contacted police about the alleged relationship. Eaton was booked into the New Madrid County Jail and charged with multiple counts of statutory rape and sodomy.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosemarie Re: What is a Hot Key? Dear Webby You told a young man a few days ago to re-boot W7 (which I have..unfortunately) once a week or when the hot keys mess up. What exactly are Hot Keys??? I sound kinda naive, huh?? LOL. Dankeschön.....Rosemarie Dear Rosemarie Hotkeys are keyboard key combinations, that accomplish the same as mousing around and clicking on things. For example CTRL E to fetch the mail, CTRL SHIFT M to open MailWasher, ALT F A to save a file under a new name, and so on. When any of those stop working, you can still get things done by mousing around, but it is time to reboot, because pretty soon W7 is going to mess up seriously. Whenever that happens, I save everything, reboot and go do the dishes or mop a floor. When I come back, W7 has usually finished rebooting. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Remove Paint Transfer My husband went ballistic when he saw a scrape on my car bumper. My grandkids ride their bikes, etc. and he just knew someone had "nicked" the paint on the bumper. I took a tiny bit of a Mr. Clean sponge and gently scrubbed the "nick". It was gone in no time and not a trace of anything remained. Disaster averted. I even got rid of a few more that looked like nicks! By Halfwhit from Ashdown, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. " We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars " "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen." Now type the letter "p" to bring up the Program Manager." CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "p". TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?" TECH SUPPORT" "p" on your keyboard, Bob." CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"
» Yikes





[ view entry ] ( 197 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 519 )
Can one McAfee license be used by more than one person? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 27

The sky is an angry red in the NorthEast.
What does that tell me? Two things:
1) I probably won't be mowing lawns today. 
Red sky in the morning usually announces bad weather.

2) I am working too many hours and should send this off
and get to bed soon.

It's a good thing I write the top comments last!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1529 30 Jews of Posing Hungary, charged with blood ritual, burned at stake 
1703 St. Petersburg was founded by Czar Peter the Great.
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse completes 1st telegraph line 
1850 Mormon Temple in Nauvoo IL destroyed by tornado
1895 British inventor Birt Acres patents film camera/projector
1905 Japanese fleet destroys Russian East Sea fleet in Straits of Tushima 
1907 Bubonic Plague breaks out in San Fransisco
1919 Charles Strite patents pop-up toaster
1921 After 84 years of British control, Afghanistan achieves sovereignty
1936 The Queen Mary left England on its maiden voyage, 
  arriving in France four hours later.
1927 Japanese military intervention in Chinese civil war 
1937 Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco opened.
1941 24 British ships sank the German battleship Bismarck off 
  the coast of France, resulting in the loss of 2,300 lives.
1943 US forbids racial discrimination in war industry 
1948 Arabs blow up Jewish synagogue Hurvat Rabbi Yehudah
1949 Russian stop train traffic West-Berlin 
1951 Chinese Communists force Dalai Lama to surrender his army
1961 1st black light is sold 
1966 55th German F-16 Starfighter crashes
1966 6 French fighters crash above Spain 
1968 Nuclear submarine Scorpion is lost 
1985 Britain agrees to return Hong Kong to China in 1997 
1991 Austrian Boeing 767-300 explodes at Bangkok, 223 die
1996 After a year and a half of bloodshed, Russian President 
  Boris Yeltsin met with the leader of the Chechen rebels and 
  negotiated a cease-fire.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Lord, how the day passes! It is like a life, so quickly when we don't watch it, and so slowly if we do." --- John Steinbeck Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. --- Tallulah Bankhead When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --- Henny Youngman Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by incompetence. --- Robert Heinlein
Need to fix a birth certificate? Learn Photoshop in a Day!



An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" The witness replied, "MY mother did did!"

In days past, children were given names that sound strange to us today -- Prudence, Charity, Faith, and so on. One boy was named Amazing, and he resented it all his life. People laughed at him because of it. He told his wife that, when the time came, he did not want his name on his tombstone. When he died, she followed his wishes and put on the tombstone, "Here lies a man who was faithful to his wife for 60 years." But even in death, he couldn't escape the curse, because everyone that looked at his tombstone said, "WOW! That's Amazing!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lonneshia Shafaye Appling, 26, 340 pounds, Jailed After using force to escape after shoplifting Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling, 340 lb, 26, was so determined to shoplift beer, bacon, cheese, and chicken wings from a Piggly Wiggly, that she punched, spit at, and pepper-sprayed store workers who confronted her as she tried to flee the supermarket Wednesday afternoon, according to cops. Getting punched in the face by somebody, who weighs 100 pounds more than Mike Tyson, but is a foot shorter, must be a terrifying experience, however, she was not charged with robbery. When a Piggly Wiggly employee--who had been tipped to the pilfering by a shopper--asked Appling about the concealed items, she tried to exit the store. After worker Jonathan Orr tried to stop Appling, she “pulled out some pepper spray and sprayed him in the face.” Appling kept spraying as several workers tried to keep her from fleeing. The 340-pound Appling also allegedly punched Orr in the face and spit on the 28-year-old employee. As she successfully bolted from the Athens store, Appling was dropping beer cans out of her purse to trip anybody chasing her. Responding to a 911 call, a cop reported spotting “a very large black female in a purple dress standing there screaming at two store employees” who followed her outside the Piggly Wiggly, which was filled with a choking cloud of pepper spray. Police then arrested Appling, whose rap sheet includes several prior shoplifting convictions and outstanding arrest warrants in three Georgia counties. Cops prepared an inventory of the items Appling sought to swipe: five packages of cheese; eight cans of Coors Light; vegetable oil; chicken wings; and five packages of bacon. As first reported by the Athens Banner Herald, she was charged with a variety of crimes, including aggravated assault, theft, simple battery, and disorderly conduct. While in police custody, Appling told a cop to add whatever charges he wanted “because she was going to plea bargain and half of the charges would be dropped anyway,” according to the report.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Multiple users on one McAfee license Dear Webby Hi - is there any way that I can purchase McAfee for my son and myself? He has 2 computers at another address and I have 4 computers at my address. I need to cover my fourth computer and his 2 computers. (I have already purchased one for my 3 computers.) Not sure if this can be done. Love your letter! Thanks, Betty Dear Betty Yes, sure you can! I cover my secretary's computer, even though she telecommutes and works from home. You simply use different email addresses for each account, just like you do with your three machines. You log in with your primary address and password, and set the authorized email addresses. And at http://webby.com/mac you still get the big discount. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped to ask a question. "Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf course you have here" he said to St. Peter. "That shouldn't matter to you." said St. Peter. "But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed "Well if I can't see it, then I'm not coming in!" "Very well Michael. As you wish...look through the gates." He looked and saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him sick to his stomach. "Forget it. There is no way in Hell I'm going to spend eternity playing on that course!" Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over his gate. "Come over here and see what I have to offer." Michael peered through the gate and he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says "I want to be on THAT course!" "Ok. Step on through and it's yours forever." St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said "I can't wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with laughter. "Oh, they are on the other side! That's why their course looks so worn out!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hide Important Numbers in Cell Phone Contacts With so many numbers to remember, here's a great way to keep it simple. If you have a number that is difficult to remember: a pin number, lock combination or ID number, hide it on your phone! Make an entry in your cell phone's contact list for a made-up name. (Make sure you won't confuse it with someone else!) Turn the number into a phone number. Place it at the front, middle or end of the number, put it in backwards or make it only every other number for extra security. Log it as your "friend's" number. This way, you'll have it at hand without giving it away. Even if your phone is lost or stolen, no one will know your secret. Don't have a cell? Use the same trick to add the number to your address book! By Anda from Knoxville, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who sent a declaration out throughout the country announcing that he was searching for a new head Samurai. A year passed and only three people showed up to apply for the position: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai. The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out popped a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead on the ground in two pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out popped a fly. Whoosh - whoosh went his sword. The fly dropped dead on the ground in four pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!" The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box and out popped a fly. His flashing sword went Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. A gust of wind filled the room, but the fly was still alive and buzzing around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The Jewish Samurai smiled and said, "Circumcision is not intended to kill."
» Bull, You Say



[ view entry ] ( 320 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 678 )

<<First <Back | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | 82 | 83 | 84 | Next> Last>>