Weird symbols due to Windows Live and Microsoft WORD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, June 16.

Your wheels: Our little "cube" have it 2 years and still get lots of attention, mostly in parking lots-question asked "is it combfortable?" answer "yes", "do you get good mileage?" answer "yes". Also lots of storage room, bigger on the inside then it looks. Mary
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. --- Jay Leno Only in America...could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all. --- Moe
Liz and Tina were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod. "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Liz. "Do what?" asked Tina. "Send my lawn out to be mowed."

Grow Your Greatest Garden Ever in Do-It-Yourself Built Waist High Raised Beds! It's really easy, when you got detailled instructions. You even get videos to show how easy it is! With the GardenRack style there is no more bending down. No more kneeling! Everything is at the height, that is the most comfortable for YOU! No special skills or tools required. Give the lumber list to Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!

A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick Stapleton, 22, Lothian, marlyland Jailed After Mistaking Handgun For BB Gun, Shooting Friend In Butt Reported by The Weekly Vice Patrick Stapleton, a 22-year-old Maryland bonehead, was jailed Wednesday after his idea of a prank went painfully wrong. According to Lothian Police, Stapleton was over at a friend's home at about 4 a.m. Wednesday morning when he had the ill-conceived idea of shooting his passed out friend in the butt with a BB gun. Investigators say Stapleton grabbed a .40 caliber handgun, which he believed was a BB gun, and fired one round into his 21-year-old friend's buttocks. The owner of the home was not present during the shooting and the hand gun belonged to the homeowner's son, who was not involved in the shooting. The victim was transported to Prince George's Hospital Center where he is being treated for his injury. Stapleton was booked into jail and charged with second-degree assault and reckless endangerment. Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Weird symbols Hi Webby, those funny symbols really bug me! I know I didn’t type it in like that, so why does it change to that, just in some places? It seems to hit the ‘s spot!?? I think there is a setting somewhere for it but sure can’t find it now! Can you please help an old lady? Thanks, TC, Betty Dear Betty You are talking about Microslop. Microsoft Windows Live Mail is added to Microsoft WORD in the same fashion as a Hillbilly tacks the fifth extension onto his shack. An extra bed, but you still have to use the same old free-fall crapper. Microsoft WORD was written for printing, and it has done a great job since the mid 80's. In those days, some faggy yuppie decided that it would be cute to use left and right leaning quotes and apostrophes, to set WORD apart from WordStar and WordPerfect. Well, those left and right leaning quotes and apostrophes are not on a regular keyboard, but Microsoft PRINTER drivers have been told how to interpret them. So, as long as you PRINT from WORD, everything is fine. The problem starts when you go outside, into the big, wide world. When the Internet and email came along, Microsoft quickly added an email program, Outlook Express, that also could understand and use the weird quotes and apostrophes. However, they messed up, and mis-interpreted the regular quotes, the ones you use for example, when you talk about the early 90's, when they committed THAT screw-up and carved it into stone. That is the old free-fall crapper in the Hillbilly shack with the half dozen extensions. Everything they did since then has that screw-up built in, including your Microsoft Windows Live Mail. Yep, same old free-fall crapper. The resultant crap is commonly referred to as Microslop. Microsoft is still VERY defensive about that, and says that if the whole world would use Microsoft Windows Live Mail (or Outlook or Hoe Mail), then they would not notice the Microslop. Well, the whole world does NOT use those programs. There IS a secret trick to turn the Microslop off. On the Tools menu, click AutoCorrect Options, and then click the AutoFormat As You Type tab. Under Replace as you type, select or clear the "Straight quotes" with "smart quotes" check box. Depending on the program you use, they call the Microslop "Curly Quotes" or "Smart Quotes". You might be able to hunt down more information in the HELP by searching for those terms. Once you have the "Curly Quotes" turned off, your mail recipients will stop snickering behind your back. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar For Microwave Cleaning Put water in a large cup with 2 tsp. of vinegar. Put it in the microwave for 1 1/2 minutes, then let sit for 10 minutes. Wipe out. It's easy to clean and sweet smelling! By jobaby2543 My 30-odd year old Kenmore takes "nuking" seriously and tends to explode and throw food. I use a wide putty knife to get all the solids firs and screape them into a dust pan. Then I put a saucer half filled with water into it and add some vinegar. 3 minutes of nuking vaporizes most of it, five minutes steeping softens whatever is left. After that I use one of those yellow & green sponges to wipe it out. Make sure you get the sponges, that have natural looking holes ith varying and uneven size, not the foam rubber type. That makes a HUGE difference. You can, of course, also use a big shower sponge. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? For pete sakes, get out there and sell him a houseboat!"
Forceful Insecticides and fertilizers from Home Made Formula! Discover Secret Information that lets you use cheap household stuff to beat the expensive storebought insecticides, pesticides and fertilizers! Get the famous John Perez book and articles for a song with this Special Deal!

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand." "Aye...that he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was." "Dear Lord...didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?" "Aye, that I did," Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but that particular part of Mrs. Riley is not much use in a fight!"
Worst Parents

Today, June 16, in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. That gave the Vandals
 a bad name.
1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke.
1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven 
 Castle in Scotland.
1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny, 
 Netherlands.
1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller 
 coaster in America opened.
1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated.
1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg.
1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first helicopter 
 flight in the US at College Park, MD.
1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact.
1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on 
 President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was 
 suppressed by the army.
1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit 
 aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was 
 the first female space traveler.
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted 
 against the South African government's plan to enforce 
 Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black schools.
2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex 
couples.
2013  smiled


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Online Calendar 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, June 15.

Your wheels: Here is my car, a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron.
If you don't send me pictures of your dream wheels or actual vehicles, this may be the end of the "Your Wheels" column. Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. --- Ted Turner The big thieves hang the little ones. --- Czech Proverb We cannot control the evil tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them. --- Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC)
While I was attending a Law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party" After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife"
Most Yuppette's have no use for men who try to mess up the country's economy by living within their income. I've noticed the oddest behavior of Yuppettes. The only time they won't look into a mirror is when they're pulling out of a parking space.
Grow Your Greatest Garden Ever in Do-It-Yourself Built Waist High Raised Beds! It's really easy, when you got detailled instructions. You even get videos to show how easy it is! With the GardenRack style there is no more bending down. No more kneeling! Everything is at the height, that is the most comfortable for YOU! No special skills or tools required. Give the lumber list to Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!

"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up your room!"
Thanks to SexySassySatin for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Taylor Chapman, Bitch extraordinaire, 27, Broward County, Floriduh Woman Browbeats Polite Dunkin Donuts Cashier With 8 Minute Tirade, Now Hiding From Pissed Off Internet Reported by The Weekly Vice Taylor Chapman, a 27-year-old Florida woman is the proud owner of a video that has gone viral on the Internet. There can be little doubt, however, that the attention she's been receiving for that video isn't quite what she expected. When a Broward County Dunkin Donuts allegedly failed to give Chapman her receipt, which probably sailed to the floor of her vehicle, she decided to arm herself with a video camera and cuss and swear at them for 8 minutes. Taylor Chapman entered the store and warned the employee that he is "under video surveillance" before unleashing a barrage of foul language, insults, racial remarks and arrogant blather onto him. Be careful, if you watch the video, the foul-mouthed b**** spews vulgarities non-stop, for example complete cunt sand nigger whore The employee kept cool and collected as she unloaded an 8 minute long rant. He worked toward politely replacing her order when most people would have grabbed a broom and beaten her out the door. Throughout the video, Taylor Chapman threatens that her video will be posted on Facebook. Obviously that decision didn't work out well for her since her Facebook and Instagram accounts have now been deleted and the entire Internet is ready to burn her at the stake for her dehumanizing and racial remarks. Oh, and we might also mention that Taylor Chapman is a spokesmodel for Internet ad agency http://www.powersalesteam.com. UPDATE: They have now taken her picture down due to a tsunami of unfavorable comments. By the time the youTube video got to about 1200 views, Taylor Chapman got fired. "She does not work here any more." It also looks like she has been kicked off FaceBook, but the video on youTube will be there for some time yet. She won't be able to live THAT down anytime soon. http://youtu.be/juLHmG76P4Q One thing is pretty much for certain, though. These employees deserve an accolade for putting up with this foulmouthed b****. Abid Adar Carl (from Austin/San Antonio Tx). started an Education Fund for Abid Adar, and it is at this time close to $10,000 http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/sorry ... -and-nithi Tech Support Pits From: Ana Re: Online Calendar Dear Webby I found out the hard way, that even though initially convenient, using a Smartphone as a calendar is very stupid. When the phone gets stolen or lost, your calendar is vapor, like the farts of yesteryear. You mentioned an on-line calendar at one time, or probably more than one time, but at the time I still relied on my stupid phone, and was too snooty to take your advice serilously enough to bookmark it. Can you please tell me again? Ana Dear Ana I use myMemorizer.com Even if your computer gets stolen or breaks down, your calendar is up on the cloud, and you can access it with any computer from anywhere, as long as you can get onto the net. You just have to remember your email address and a password. You can set events to email you and/or text your phone a month before, and/or a week before, and/or a couple of days before, and/or a day before, and/or the same day. You set the time of day for it to remind you. It has colors and icons for fast at a glance overviews, and you can even print a month. I have used MyMemorizer for many years, and never had any problem whatsoever. If you just use the email notifications, it is free. For phone text messages, of course, you have to pay, but since they are very short, they are no big deal. Usually, though, email messages are plenty. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Water Intake Finding time to always write down my water intake for the day was not easy for me. Now I use a row counter that's used for yarn projects. I just give it a quick click and don't even have to look as I go about my day. By Lorraine S. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!" One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!" The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth a lot more than a stockbroker!"
Forceful Insecticides and fertilizers from Home Made Formula! Discover Secret Information that lets you use cheap household stuff to beat the expensive storebought insecticides, pesticides and fertilizers! Get the famous John Perez book and articles for a song with this Special Deal!

"Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.'" ---Jay Leno
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?" "Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive."
Nano Imagery:

Today, June 15, in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta.
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London.
1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo.
1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in 
 Jamestown, VA.
1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully
 documented human blood transfusion. He successfully 
 transfused the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy.
1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite 
 during a thunderstorm. The result was a little spark 
 that showed the relationship between lightning and 
 electricity.
1775 George Washington was appointed head of the 
 Continental Army by the Second Continental Congress.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for 
 the process that strengthens rubber.
1866 Prussia attacked Austria.
1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the 
 annexation of Hawaii.
1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball.
1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the 
 Irish captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916.
1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans.
1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan 
 for the partition of India.
1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because 
 of the Cypress issue.
1964 The last French troops got chased out of Algeria.
1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American 
 Lisa Halaby, who became Queen Noor.
1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the 
 government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign 
 countries for prosecution.
1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean 
 torpedo boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 
2013  smiled


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Control super sensitive mouse 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, June 14.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Your wheels: Moe's Beer Wagon.
Thanks Moe! Is that your wife in the left front wheel? Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. --- Carl Jung "Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you." --- Winston Churchill It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --- Carl Sagan Yes, and dolphins are pretty good at training humans to throw pre-killed and cooled fish at them!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning...."
A kindergarten teacher is walking around her classroom observing her students while they draw. One little girl is working especially diligently, so the teacher asks what she is working on. "I'm drawing God," the child says. The teacher pauses, then says, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replies, "They will in a minute."
Grow Your Greatest Garden Ever in Do-It-Yourself Built Waist High Raised Beds! It's really easy, when you got detailled instructions. You even get videos to show how easy it is! With the GardenRack style there is no more bending down. No more kneeling! Everything is at the height, that is the most comfortable for YOU! No special skills or tools required. Give the lumber list to Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!

Thanks to Phil in Salisbury, England Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy." Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
Thanks to Jim for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Jim's Night-Blooming Cereus Click on the picture for the large version Jim's Night-Blooming Cereus These Night Blooming Cereus blossoms last one night, then they turn into those reddish seed pods.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittany Cole, 22, Altheimer, Arkansas Jailed After Tossing 9-Month-Old Baby Into Dumpster Reported by The Weekly Vice Brittany Cole, a 22-year-old Arkansas Woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly tossed her 9-month-old baby into a dumpster and then told relatives that she was tired of caring for the child. According to police, officers were dispatched to an Altheimer residence after receiving a report that a baby's mother had thrown him into a dumpster. When officers arrived on the scene, the child had already been retrieved out of the dumpster by the child's grandmother who called police. Investigators say Cole became angry earlier that evening shortly after her son was returned to her home after spending time with his father. In retaliation, Cole grabbed her son, left the residence and tossed him into a garbage dumpster. The baby's grandmother noticed that the child was missing and asked Cole about the baby's whereabouts. That's when Cole reportedly pointed in the direction of the dumpster and stated that she was tired of caring for the baby. The child's grandmother retrieved the child from the dumpster and called 911. Cole was booked into jail and charged with first-degree endangering the welfare of a minor. Prosecutors may upgrade the charge to attempted capital murder. The baby and his two siblings have been taken into protective custody. Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Supersensitive mouse Dear Webby I replaced my original mouse that came with my Gateway a thousand years ago. The new one is a Logitech Optical Mouse and if I even look at it crossways, I get popup menus all over the place. Needless to say, this is extremely annoying. Do I have to live with it or do you have another miracle solution? Jerry Dear Jerry Run the install CD that came with that mouse. That will give you a desktop icon to it's settings menu. There you can tweak all the settings to suit you. You can assign the different buttons to different tasks like copy and paste, instead of popping help info. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sawdust to Fill Holes in Wood Save that sawdust! Just mix Elmer's glue and sawdust to fill any hole or gouge in wood. Let dry and sand, then stain or paint. Source: My husband Sandig dust works even better. You can usually harvest some from a back corner, and make a thick paste. Tamp that hard into the hole or scratch, so that it portrudes just a bit. It WILL shrink! Then you can later sand it flat, but don't be in any hurry with that! It won't stop shrinking for a day! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com

A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis." Blushed, the secretary stepped back and told him to type it in, and re-type it again. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out laughing, as a reaction from the computer's quite predictable response: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short"
Forceful Insecticides and fertilizers from Home Made Formula! Discover Secret Information that lets you use cheap household stuff to beat the expensive storebought insecticides, pesticides and fertilizers! Get the famous John Perez book and articles for a song with this Special Deal!

A doctor examines a female patient. Afterward, he takes her husband aside. "I dont want to alarm you," the doctor says, "but I don't like the way your wife looks." "Me neither, Doc," says the husband. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got." The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?" "Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet." "Well, replied the bait man, "at this time of year, if you drive a heavy enough SUV onto the ice, you'll get a hole big enough for your boat."
Basalt Shapes

Today, June 14, in
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in 
 Timor in a small boat.
1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his 
 reaping machine.
1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper.
1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston.
1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the 
 Republic of California.
1893 Philadelphia observed the first Flag Day.
1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory.
1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote.
1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World War I.
1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. 
 Captain John Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from 
 Newfoundland to Ireland.
1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with 
 the U.S. allowing American intervention in his country.
1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz 
 in German-occupied Poland.
1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied 
 loud speakers announced the implementation of a curfew 
 being imposed for 8 p.m.
1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could 
 not be made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted 
 with their religious beliefs.
1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and 
 steel works factory on Honshu Island. It was the first 
 major U.S. raid against Japan.
1945 Burma was liberated by Britain.
1949 The state of Vietnam was formed.
1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed 
 for the U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's 
 first commercial computer.
1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear 
 powered submarine.
1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order 
 adding the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance.
1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon.
1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space 
 probe's flight took it past Venus.
1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the 
 Falkland Islands.
1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary 
 knighthood from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II.
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that 
 are used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication.
2013  smiled


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Pharma Spam 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, June 13
Back in the saddle again!

Your wheels:
Thanks Betty! Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. --- Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975) There is no fix for stupidity, but there are some work-arounds. --- Chuck Snyder Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. ---Henry Wheeler Shaw
"May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman asks the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replies, "Maybe it'll attract some business."
Thanks to Lillemor for this one: Male Vs. Female Logic Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400.correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No Man: Where's your Ferrari?
Grow Your Greatest Garden Ever in Do-It-Yourself Built Waist High Raised Beds! It's really easy, when you got detailled instructions. You even get videos to show how easy it is! With the GardenRack style there is no more bending down. No more kneeling! Everything is at the height, that is the most comfortable for YOU! No special skills or tools required. Give the lumber list to Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to have to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Jacaranda trees at San Luis Obispo ...or fondly known as SLO
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leslie Williams, 45, Sarasota, Floridu Jailed for using a GMC Yukon to murder hubby Reported by The Weekly Vice Leslie Williams, a 45-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly ran over her husband with an SUV, then left his dead body laying in the driveway for her son to deal with. According to the Sarasota County Sheriff's Office, Williams and her husband were arguing at their home at around midnight on March 17, when the couple took their dispute out into the front driveway, as hubby was leaving. At some point during the argument Williams got into her 2006 GMC Yukon while her husband walked towards a gate at the end of the driveway. That's when Williams allegedly punched the gas, and used the front of the vehicle to knock her husband against the gate. Williams then punched the gas again, drove over her husband, busted through the gate and fled the scene. The couple's 21-year-old son found his father's mangled body and called 911. Emergency crews arrived a short time later and found the victim, 48-year-old Christopher Williams, dead at the scene. Deputies located Williams at her mother's home, questioned her, but did not charge her without a full investigation. There was reportedly some question as to whether the fatality was intentional or an accident. Family members who spoke with local media referred to the incident as a "tragic accident" or "just a freak thing." But after nine weeks investigating the "accident," detectives obtained a warrant for Williams' arrest. She was taken into custody on Wednesday. Williams was booked into the Sarasota County Jail and charged with vehicular homicide and leaving the scene of a crash with a death. Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Pharma Spam Dear Webby I noticed a new wave of spam advertising STUPER DIFCOUNTS Mis-spelled on perpose here, since you would probably filter it out otherwise, but you probably know what I am referring to. What is the easiest way to filter out that crap? Ella Dear Ella I notced a drastic increase in spam caught by my RU filter, that catchs stuff with a Russian URL. I love that pretty Pie chart in MailWasher! So I had a look. It is those STUPER spams. They pretend to have discounts on drugs, but their hidden destination URLs are in Russia. Yeah, sure. And it is probably a safe bet, if somebody clicks on it, they get hit with a trojan or a virus. So, what is my oh so sophisticated and complicated RU filter? If the BODY CONTAINS .ru/ then dump that mail. It sure is easy to click together a filter, if you have MailWasher. You select BODY from a pull-down then select CONTAINS from a pull-down type *.ru/ and click in the selection above it what you want done with the undesirable mail, for examle Dump it automatically. That is all there is to it! You can make filters with Gmail too. Not quite as simple, but you can do it! You can also filter for "productas" Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Bugs Out Of Your Drink Outside Here's another great use for Press and Seal. When you take a drink outside, you risk getting bugs in it. So put a small piece of Press and Seal over your glass leaving a drink hole or poke a tiny hole in it and stick a straw through it. You will drink bug free. For a recyclable way to do the same thing, you can also use those little bowl covers that look like mini shower caps and poke a hole in those for a straw, then they can be washed over and over! I have used both and it works great. By Melmarr from MI The lids from small Glad freezer conatiners fit many typical glasses and cups. I use the smallest ones for meal sized batches of berries, and they just fit a regular drinking glass and also a perfect fit for regular cans, like for example cranberry jelly. It is a tight enough fit, so that the wind does not blow the lid away. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
The young man told his father, "I want to marry a good woman, a beautiful woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'll have to make up his mind. "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --- Socrates
Forceful Insecticides and fertilizers from Home Made Formula! Discover Secret Information that lets you use cheap household stuff to beat the expensive storebought insecticides, pesticides and fertilizers! Get the famous John Perez book and articles for a song with this Special Deal!

A beautiful young lady was about to undergo a minor operation. She lay on a rolling bed and the nurse brought her into the corridor. Before entering the room, the nurse left her behind the surgery room door to go in and check if everything was ready. A young man wearing a white coat approached, took the sheet away and began examining her naked body. He walked away and talked to another man in a white coat. The second man came over and did the same examination. When a third man started examining her body very closely, she grew impatient and asked, "These examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders and told her, "I have no idea. We're just going to paint the corridor whem they haul you in there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a very slight bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway. Now, if only I could find my parakeet!"
Stunned Fur Balls

Today, June 13, in
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked 
 on an expedition to Africa.
1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies 
 to help with their rebellion against the British.
1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington 
 by Mrs. Alexander Hamilton.
1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then 
 sold the rights for $400.
1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized.
1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese 
 Christians erupted into violence.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute 
 jump from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi.
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may 
 not be sent by parcel post.
1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. 
 He hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died 
 in 1991, 11 months after his hiccups ended.
1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr 
 and the rest of Germany. Germans did not like that.
1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the city.
1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. 
 They were soon captured.
1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain 
 from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets 
 only 5 landed in Britain and only one managed to kill 
 (6 people in London).
1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder.
1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been 
 installed by the French.
1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea.
1966 The landmark "Miranda vs. Arizona" decision was issued 
 by the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal 
 suspects had to be informed of their constitutional rights 
 before being questioned by police.
1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces 
 from Lebanon.
1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation 
 for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in 
 South Dakota.
1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the 
 first spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched 
 in March 1972. The first up-close images of the planet 
 Jupiter were provided by Pioneer 10.
1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and 
 Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the 
 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more 
 nuclear tests in the South Pacific.
2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il 
 welcomed South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day 
 summit. It was the first such meeting between the leaders 
 of North and South Korea. 
2013  smiled


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What kind of head set is best? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, June 10

By the time you read this, I will be on the road to Calgary
for my monthly eye injections. 
That means no Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday newsletters.
I will be missing you!
DearWebby


Your wheels: Here is Jim and Linda's Dream Car: Webby here is my wife's and my dream vehicle, 45 foot motor home with 3 slide-outs on a Volvo chassis by Powerhouse Coaches. We would travel all over the USA and Canada. Jim & Linda H. MN USA
Thanks Jim and Linda Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. --- Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975)
SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make pyramid structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled 'kerosene'. 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Re-label can to read 'gasoline'. 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps. --------------------- Modern alternative: 1. Point to the sign that forbids camp fires. 2. Click the propane BBQ ON.
Little Johnny was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. Little Johnny turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." His mother smiled reassuringly at Little Johnny. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." Little Johnny looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. Little Johnny thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Grow Your Greatest Garden Ever in Do-It-Yourself Built Waist High Raised Beds! It's really easy, when you got detailled instructions. You even get videos to show how easy it is! With the GardenRack style there is no more bending down. No more kneeling! Everything is at the height, that is the most comfortable for YOU! No special skills or tools required. Give the lumber list to Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman."What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a leckschure." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man."Wanna lischen to the lekschure wif me?"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of part of her garden. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelly Ann Garcia, 29, Houston, Texas Teacher Jailed for Repeatedly Having Having Sex With Gossipy Student. Reported by The Weekly Vice Kelly Ann Garcia, a 29-year-old teacher at Hastings High School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 16-year-old female student. According to police, a relationship developed between Garcia and a 16-year-old student after the two met through a mutual friend in March of this year. Investigators say Garcia would then stay after school with the student working on "various projects" even though Garcia was not the student's teacher. At one point Garcia reportedly approached the girl's parents and told them that she would like to "mentor" their daughter. The relationship quickly changed, however, when Garcia invited the student to Starbucks and informed her that she had been having erotic dreams about her. About a week later, Garcia told the student that she had broken up with her boyfriend and the two expressed feelings for one another. The following day, according to the arrest report, Garcia and the student got together and spent the evening "kissing passionately." The next day, Garcia and the student went to a Katz Boutique and Sex Shop where Garcia purchased a sex toy with her credit card. Garcia then drove the student back to her apartment where the two engaged in sex. The victim told investigators that she and Garcia engaged in sex multiple times over the next few days. The alleged affair came to light when the teen bragged about the relationship to other students. Word eventually reached a school administrator who contacted police. Detectives say Garcia continued to see the student even though an investigation was underway. The teen's father caught Garcia and their daughter together at a local park, however, Garcia fled to her car and sped off before he could confront her. Investigators were able to recover the receipt from Katz Boutique showing that she had purchased a sex toy on the day the victim indicated. Detectives also obtained phone records, text messages and a photograph of Garcia and the teen kissing. Following a month-long investigation, Garcia was booked into jail and charged with indecency with a child and sexual assault of a child. She was released after posting a $60,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Tiny Re: Headset Dear Webby I'm interested in getting a mic. for my computer. Preferably one with a headset. Could you reccomend a good one with little or no feedback and distortion? Thanks in advance! Tiny Dear Tiny Modern headsets don't have feedback or distortion problems. As long as you avoid the single ear types, just about any headset will be fine. Most of them eliminate feedback by actually using it to suppress ambient noise by electronically subtracting it. Cup types are more comfortable than ON-Ear, and those are more comfortable than IN-Ear. With Cup and ON-Ear the leather (or fake leather) cushion types are more comfortable and usually have better acoustics than the bare foam cushion types, but are also more expensive. Unless you have "tall hair", traditional over-the-head hoops are more comfortable than behind-the-head horizontal hoops. If you browse to http://dalco.com and type headset into the search field, you will see about 10 headsets ranging from $6 to just over $20. They even have a wireless headset for under $10. TigerDirect also usually has a good selection of headsets. For slightly more you can get the same from Walmart. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Clips to Fix a Hem If you have no straight pins use paper clips to keep folded-over fabric in place when sewing a simple hem. Just slide the paper clip along the material as you work. Works really well. By coville123 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!) 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing"signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' " Tourist: "Oh". 4. Are the bears with collars tame? 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was? 9. Are there birds in Canada? 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields? 16. How far is Banff from Canada? 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? 19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds? 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they? 21. Are there phones in Banff? 22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles? 23. We're not on the decibel system ya know. 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY lost?? 25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car? 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? 27. Where do you put the animals at night? 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom." Tourist: " Oh 29. And the most common question, also referred to as the mating call of the blue haired Winnebagan: "An haw much ees dat in reel mohney?" 30. The mating call of the males is:"We're the Fog Owie?"
Forceful Insecticides and fertilizers from Home Made Formula! Discover Secret Information that lets you use cheap household stuff to beat the expensive storebought insecticides, pesticides and fertilizers! Get the famous John Perez book and articles for a song with this Special Deal!

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped right in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions and beating the fire out by flaling it with their jackets. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, dividing the flames into two easily controllable parts. Now the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm and crops had been spared, he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That should be obvious," he responded. "The very first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid old fire truck."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this," the mother told the volunteer. "What is it she keeps asking for?" the volunteer asked. "Puppy size!" replied the mother. "Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for." "I know...we have seen most of them," the mom said in frustration. Just then Danielle came walking into the office "Well, did you find one?" asked her mom. "No, not this time," Danielle said with sadness in her voice. "Can we come back on the weekend?" The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed. "You never know when we will get more dogs. Fortunately, there's always a supply," the volunteer said. Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. "Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend," she said. Over the next few days both mom and dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. "It's this weekend or we're not looking any more," Dad finally said in frustration. "We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size either," Mom added. Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, "Sorry, you're not the one." It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer. "Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!" she screamed with joy. "It's the puppy size!" "But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks," Mom said. "No not size ---- the sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed," she said. "Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!" The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom's eyes gathered tears. As she stooped down to hug the child. "Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms," she said. Then holding the puppy up close to her face she said, "Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!"
50's and 60's Jukebox

Today, June 10, in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write 
 a Declaration of Independence.
1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the 
 first public zoo.
1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the U.S. 
 The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to travel 
 safely through the Mediterranean.
1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during Spanish-American War.
1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented 
 by Americus F. Callahan.
1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. 
 The Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked 
 off the Azores.
1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs 
 during the Great Arab Revolt.
1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman 
 suffrage.
1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book 
 that denied the theory of evolution.
1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson 
 and Dr. Robert Smith.
1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition, 
 Canada declared war on Italy.
1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a 
 Hungarian journalist.
1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock.
1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy.
1948 Chuck Yeager, first American to exceeded the speed of 
 sound in the Bell XS-1.
1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had 
 been produced successfully.
1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended 
 the Six-Day War.
1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China.
1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic missile.
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full 
 diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years.
1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days.
1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was 
 extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed 
 the Earth.
1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against 
 Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was 
 suspended along with most financial transactions between 
 Haiti and the U.S.
1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks. 
 The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded.
1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children 
 in Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense.
2013  smiled


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What is best for back-up? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, June 9.

>From Bob in Maryland 
In regard to the monsters under the bed, 
every child should be informed that monsters are 
completely repulsed by the smell of toothpaste 
on anyone's breath. This lasts about eight hours 
after brushing.
Bob

Your wheels:
Here is Pris's Dream Car:

Pris


Thanks 
Pris!

Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. --- Marquis de la Grange The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous. --- Shana Alexander
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this dime into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you would have asked for MY dime before you dropped it in."
Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death row for nearly 20 years. During that time, he had befriended the Warden. Now, the Warden still had a job to do, but that didn't stop him from treatin' Slash special from time to time. A week before Slash was to go to the electric chair, the Warden asked Slash if there was anything special he would like. Slash thought for a bit and said he would like the Warden to contact his wife and have her make meatloaf for him the rest of his life (which by this time, was short). Of course, the Warden complied and each day, Slash sat down and had a big feed of his wife's meatloaf. The night before the big day, another prisoner was allowed to visit Slash and asked him. "Aren't you afraid of dying tomorrow?" Slash answered' "I ain't gonna die tomorrow." The other prisoner then said, "but tomorrow is Friday and we all know, that's the day they're sendin' you to the electric chair." "Don't matter," said Slash, "if this meatloaf can't kill me, nothin' can."
Grow Your Greatest Garden Ever in Do-It-Yourself Built Waist High Raised Beds! It's really easy, when you got detailled instructions. You even get videos to show how easy it is! With the GardenRack style thereis no more bending down. Everything is at the height, that is the most comfortable for YOU! No special skills or tools required. Give the lumber list to Home Depot, and they will cut and deliver it. Half an afternoon of screwing around with a drill used as a power screwdriver, and it is done. The second one will take less than half an hour. Get the GardenRack now!

An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boarding house, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. "Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied. "Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe every time I have to take the garbage out to the curb!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of part of her garden. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shavaughn Robinson, 27, Richmond, VA Jailed After Delivering Baby Inside Medical Building Restroom, Leaving Baby To Die In Back Dumpster Reported by The Weekly Vice Shavaughn Robinson, a 27-year-old Virginia woman, has been jailed after she allegedly gave birth to a baby daughter while at work, bagged the newborn up and then threw her into a dumpster. According to police, Robinson gave birth to a full-term baby girl in the restroom of the Lee Medical Building where she works as a massage therapist. After giving birth to the child, Robinson then allegedly tossed the infant into a trash bag, covered her with toilet tissue, then tied the bag closed. The infant was then tossed into a dumpster behind the building where she reportedly died of asphyxiation. Investigators say a female janitor entered the restroom a short time later and saw Robinson on her hands and knees cleaning up blood in front of a toilet. Robinson reportedly told the janitor that she had been having stomach problems. Another janitor reported hearing baby cries coming from inside the restroom before Robinson was seen exiting the restroom with a trash bag that appeared full. The same janitor discovered the deceased child in the dumpster later that evening. Robinson was booked into jail and charged with felony concealment of a dead body. Additional charges WILL be forthcoming, according to prosecutors. At Robinson's arraignment on Monday, prosecutors asked that she be held without bond, claiming that she would be a flight risk. The judge disagreed, however, and set Robinson's bond at $10,000. Virginia does have a "Safe Haven" law. Babies can be dropped off at any hospital or ambulance by the mother, with no questions asked, except, if she is the mother. You can't drop off your neighbor's noisy brats. Tech Support Pits From: Aline Re: What is best for back-up? Dear Webby OK, so CD's are a bit finicky at times. What then is best to use for back-ups? I have to back up all the machines in the office. Aline Dear Aline Home-made CDs are usually readable by the machine, that made them, but with older machines, others often have trouble reading them. That problem is eliminated with external USB hard drives. There the writing and reading mechanism is always the same, it just gets plugged into different USB ports. In your case I would recommend a 1 TeraByte USB hard drive. They cost from $65 to $125, depending on where you buy them. At the same time also get USB hubs for each machine, since they probably don't have USB ports free. With a 7 - 12 port hub that problem is eliminated and if you glue the hub to an easy to get to place, it will save you from having to crawl under desks to plug in. Some external hard drives take their power from USB, others have a little power cube, that needs to be plugged into a household power outlet. In some places, there are no free ones. In that case you also need a power bar to plug in all the frivolous stuff and still have one slot free for your back-up drive. Since users will just plug in more silly stuff, when they see open slots on a power bar, take some old power cubes from long obsolete modems, cut the cables off and spraypaint them fluorescent orange. Then tell the users that those may never be unplugged. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Window Fans Before Air Conditioning Our second floor bedroom gets very hot in the summer. I found a twin window fan at Goodwill for $3.50. Despite the fact that it has been over 90 degrees for several days the room has been comfortable and sometimes too cold for my always-too-warm husband! The fan has already paid for itself and we are hoping to use the air conditioning minimally if at all. By Judy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?" She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?" She replied, "No, not yet, Father." The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband." She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs.Donovan, how are ye these days?" She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!" The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!" The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving husband doing?" She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow up yer damn candle."
special deal!; color:white; width:600px;">Have I got a deal for you! Forceful Insecticides and fertilizers from Home Made Formula. Discover Secret Information that lets you use cheap household stuff to beat the expensive storebought insecticides, pesticides and fertilizers! Get the famous John Perez book and articles for a song with this special deal!

A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Candlesticks

Today, June 9, in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river 
 he named Saint Lawrence.
1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique.
1923 Bulgarias government was overthrown by the military.
1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies 
 cartoon "The Wise Little Hen."
1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II.
1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan 
 would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional 
 surrender.
1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the 
 USS George Washington, was launched.
1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
 Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding 
 black men from the Mormon priesthood.
1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped 
 in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991.
1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger 
 disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as 
 a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint.
 Few engineers beieved that BS.
1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo.
2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security 
 agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a 
 border-enforcement team.
2013  smiled


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How safe are CDs for back-ups? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, June 8.

Enjoy
Ophelia

Ophelia Dingbatter Please, help me stay online!

Tyrone was visiting Leroy and discussing Leroy's problems with his wife when Leroy's doorbell rang. Leroy answered the door and was handed a paper which the deliverer said was a subpoena. Leroy showed it to Tyrone and asked him if he knew what it was. Tyrone in his pompous lack of knowledge said, "Dis here is a subpeena." "Wut is a sub-peena?" Leroy asked. "Well," said Tyrone, "dat's law talk. Yo wife is suing you for deevorce. We know dat 'sub' means 'unda' and 'peena' is Latin for 'penis', so -- 'subpeena' means unda the penis which means she done got you by da balls."
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>From Paul The Reason Why I Fired My Secretary Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday, and would probably have a present for me. She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I thought, Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, Good morning boss, Happy Birthday. So I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me. I said, By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go. We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we? I said, No, I guess not. She said, Let's go to my apartment. After arriving at her apartment she said, Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable. Sure, I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. All were singing Happy Birthday and there on the couch I sat... with nothing on except my socks. And that is why I fired my secretary!
For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby
Dear Webby's Humor Letter

Marty arrives home from work and as soon as he sets foot in the house, Sadie is on to him, telling him that their friend Marvin has finally quit smoking. "Imagine that, Marty," she says, "someone who smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years has stopped smoking all of a sudden. Now that's what I call will power - something that you definitely don't have." But Sadie hadn't finished. "And that's not all. I hear that Bernie, that drunken friend of yours, is finally giving up drinking - another example of the kind of will power that you don't have." "OK, Sadie," said Marty, "you want to see will power, do you? Well here's will power. I am going to sleep in the spare room from now on. I am going to prove to you that I won't be affected at all by not sleeping with you." Marty keeps to his word. One night, when he had been sleeping alone for a week, there is a knock on his bedroom door. Marty shouts out, "What do you want?" Sadie replies, "Marvin has started smoking again."
A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a most comely young woman for the job. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat, and also kept the gentleman of the household most satisfied indeed!. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, I'm pregnant." The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. I am not able to have children and my husband and I would dearly love children, so we'll adopt your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband and of course he readily agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well. After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual. In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for another two months, but then said, " I am definitely leaving this time." "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house. "No," she said, "there are just too many bloody kids here to pick up after!"
Enjoy! Ophelia
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Tripod in vibrating environment 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, June 7.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Moe!!

Your wheels:
My dream car is a Stutz Bearcat.  I read a book called
Her Father's Daughter by Gene Stratton Porter when I 
was about 12 years old and it sounded different and 
fun.  Then the show Alias Smith and Jones came along
and I got to see one being driven.  I've loved it ever since,
but not something I can have unless I win the lottery.  :)
Thanks for all you do,
Regards, Margee :)

Here is Margee's Dream Car:


Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!


Thanks 
Margee!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. --- William Feather
Ms Elizabeth Gold was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, "How much are these oranges?" "Two for a quarter," answered the vendor. "How much is just one?" she asked. "Fifteen cents," answered the vendor. "Then I'll take the other one," said Ms Gold.
Reading on Vacation "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

Thanks to Ella for this story: My husband and I decided to take our two children, then ages seven and three, to our favorite "adult" restaurant for the first time. The younger child refused to stay in her seat and danced around our table. Her sister, tears rolling down her face, laughed loudly at the three-year-old's antics and pounded the table. Beet-red with embarrassment, my husband warned them through clenched teeth, "If you don't start behaving, you'll never eat out with us again!" The man at the next table leaned over to his wife. "Look dear," he said. "Quality time!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mhai Scott, 38, Sterling, VA Food Sample Server Goes On Rampage After Running Out Of Pizza, Shot Dead By Deputies Reported by The Weekly Vice Mhai Scott, a 38-year-old food sample server at Costco, was shot dead Wednesday afternoon after she allegedly threatened employees and then charged deputies with a knife because she ran out of pizza samples. According to the Loudoun County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a Sterling area Costco Wednesday after employees called 911 to report that a co-worker was threatening to harm other employees with a knife and a pair of scissors. Investigators say Scott apparently became angry when she ran out of pizza, picked up the weapons and proceeded to a break room where she intended to confront another employee over the situation. An employee at the store told local media that Scott was using the knife to threaten a supervisor while "making strange comments about the pizza." Deputies who arrived on the scene asked Scott to put down the weapon, however, she refused and charged toward them instead. A deputy used a stun gun in an attempt to subdue Scott, however it had little to no effect, according to the arrest report. When Scott raised the knife and charged again, deputies fired several shots killing her. At that close range, no shots missed and nobody else was hit. Scott reportedly worked for Club Demonstration Services, which provides food product samples inside Costco's stores. One deputy was injured during the altercation and treated at a local hospital. Both deputies who responded to the call have been placed on administrative leave while officials evaluate the officers' conduct to assure appropriate procedures were followed. Charging at fully armed deputies with a knife and scissors qualifies her for not just a Bonehead Award, but a Darwin Award for voluntarily taking herself out of the gene pool. Tech Support Pits From: Yara Re: Shaky tripod Dear Webby I have to use a tripod to take pictures at work for maintenance planning. Flash is useless when distance is involved and the lighting requires long exposures. Combined with slightly vibrating floors and a shaky, well worn tripod, the pictures turn out crappy. Is there a fix fo that? Yara Dear Yara A modern camera with digital anti-shake technology takes care of that without any tripod at all. However, stay away from fancy SLR cameras like the Canon Rebel. They are too fussy for that kind of work. A Canon Powershot at a quarter the cost will do fine. Turn the automatic flash off in the settings and if necessary, tape down the flash. For the tripod use big gobs of two component rubber, like they use for patching conveyor belts, or a fast setting silicon caulk and attach tennis balls to the feet of the tripod. Then use a piece of coathanger wire to hang a metal weight off the wing-bolt or star wheel that is used to attach the camera. Do NOT use stretchable string or soft weights. Only a solid metal-to-metal connection lets you take advantage of the inertia of the mass in the weight, and forces the tennis balls to absorb any vibration. If you used a bungee cord and a sand bag, the sandbag would be perfectly still, but the camera would still vibrate. A hanging weight is not perfect, but it will cause a remarkable improvement. However, without the tennis balls or other small balls, the weight makes no difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Washing Small Items in the Dishwasher A lingerie bag is a great help in an automatic dishwasher for washing small, unbreakable items. Fill the bag, zip it closed and lay it in the top rack. Clothes pin it to the prongs if needed, if you feel it may bounce around. Items will stay in the bag, but the holes in it will let the items come real clean. This works great for plastic silverware, plastic figurines, and most anything that won't break. By Laura from Elberta, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
An American tourist in London decided to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wandered around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After awhile, he found himself in a very high class neighborhood..... big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really had to go, after all those pints of Guinnesss. He found a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decided to use the wall to solve his problem. As he was unzipping, he was tapped on the shoulder by a London bobbie, who said, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replied the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He led him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate which he opened. "In there," pointed the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want." The fellow entered and found himself in the most beautiful garden he had ever seen -- manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he had the cop's blessing, he zipped down and unburdened himself and was greatly relieved. As he went back through the gate, he said to the bobbie, "That was really decent of you .... is that "British Hospitality?". "No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

As the X-Ray tech walked down the aisle to say the marriage vows with a former patient, a co-worker Nurse whispered to a doctor seated next to her, "Wonder what she saw in him?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."
Yard Deer

Today, June 7, in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had 
 discovered between themselves.
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of 
 exploration.
1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France.
1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of 
 slaves.
1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States.
1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental 
 Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of Independence.
1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops.
1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire.
1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and 
 Tientsin in China.
1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of Polonium.
1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence 
 as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome.
1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, 
 demanding their bonuses.
1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived 
 in the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a 
 reigning British monarch.
1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 
 4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, 
 and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, 
 the destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 
 casualties.
1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in 
 the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians 
 one year later.
1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony 
 sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived.
1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia.
1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for $995.
1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission 
 featured the first spacewalk by an American.
1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 miles 
 northwest of Danang in South Vietnam.
1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraqs only 
 nuclear reactor.
1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its consulates 
 and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that they could 
 no longer remain in the U.S.
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
 breakup of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft appealed.
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, June 6

Today, in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place 
on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied 
Canadian, American and British troops were involved.
Thanks to those brave troops we have a Free Enterprise
system, instead of what Hitler wanted.


Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Here is Anthony's Landrover

Hi Webby,
These are my wheels :) It is a 2007 Landrover Defender with 
a set of BFGoodrich KM2 Mud Terrains.

Really enjoy your daily newsletter, been receiving it for 
more than a decade.
Anthony from Malta/Europe

Thanks 
Anthony!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. --- Rodney Dangerfield (1921 - 2004) Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. --- Langston Coleman Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. -- Alfred E. Newman If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. -- Isaac Asimov
At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."
Daffinitions: SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings for half an hour. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority have no idea what's happened. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a little boy stepped aside and held the door for her. "What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked through. "Is there a tip involved?" "Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never to be good for money, but always to be good for nothing."
Thanks to Robert for this one: The new Miss Kentucky. The picture that will haunt her for the rest of her life: Make-up and hair style ................... $500 New dress for the show ...................$700 Giant stuffed bear ........................... $100 Not knowing how to hold the bear with a corded microphone in her hand..........Priceless!!! Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gerardo Perez, 50, Chicago, Ill Jailed for Smashing Kitten To Death When Boyfriend Tried To Break Off Relationship Reported by The Weekly Vice Anaeli DeJesus, a 23-year-old Massachusetts bonehead, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly killed a 6-week-old kitten because her boyfriend tried to break up with her. According to Lawrence police, officers were dispatched to the home of Roberto Jordan after receiving a report that a 6-week-old kitten had been killed during an argument between Jordan and his girlfriend, Anaeli DeJesus. Investigators say DeJesus became angry when Jordan attempted to end their relationship. In retaliation, DeJesus picked up a 6-week-old kitten and violently smashed it against a wall. The kitten dropped to the floor and shook until it passed away. DeJesus then packed up the couple's dog, various recording equipment, a computer and several video games before fleeing to a residence on Gale St. When officers arrived at the Gale St. residence and asked DeJesus if she knew why they were there, DeJesus allegedly told them it was because she had killed a kitten. DeJesus and Jordan share a 1-year-old child together and DeJesus is now pregnant with their second baby. DeJesus was booked into jail and charged with animal cruelty. Tech Support Pits From: Lilly Re: Spreadsheets Dear Webby Which spreadsheet do you recommend? Everybody seems fanatic about their favorite, but they can't explain why. Hope you can! Lilly Dear Lilly The big two are Quattro from Corell Office (used to be Word perfect office and before that Borland Quattro), and Microsoft Excel. Less popular and not quite as good is Open Office Calc and the Google Docs Online Spreadsheets. Quattro and Calc will pick up spreadsheets started by other formats. Excel will pick up a few formats. The Google Online Spreadsheet is handy, if you need access to a VERY BASIC spreadsheet from different locatons and don't want to be bothered with up and downloading it into different machines. However, it is still VERY limited. Forget fancy graphs or formatting or layered spreadsheets. They are free. Also free is Open Office Calc. Calc is very popular in Europe and Asia, and is slowly getting to be very close to Microsoft Excel. You can do most spreadsheet work with Calc, and it is free. Excel has been battling with Quattro since the 80's. In the 2000's they diverged slightly, with Excel focusing on entry level ease of use, and Quattro remaining the heavy duty spreadsheet for the corporate office. That does not mean Quattro is difficult to use. It just goes further into complicated or difficult stuff. Both have layered spredsheets since the mid 90's. You can for example have separate spreadsheets for each month in layers, and then a top layer,where you pull results from each month. That "Drilling Down" might not be necessary for what you want to do, but it is handly to have. For fancy graphs Quattro goes a bit further. You can, though, use a simple Excel spreadsheeet for accumulating data, then import that into Quattro for the corporate analysis stuff and fancy presentation graphs. That seems to be the norm in business in North America, however, i have never understood, why they don't use Calc for the entry level and data input, like they do in Europe and Asia. If you want a reasonably good but free spreadsheet, get Open Office. Calc is included. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grass Stain Remover For a cheap grass stain remover that truly works, combine equal portions of white vinegar, liquid dish washing soap, and water. Shake well and work the solution into the spot. Let stand a few minutes and then launder as usual. It also works on fruit or beverage stains. This got all of the grass stains out of my son's light colored pants. I will never buy expensive stain removers again! Source: The Queen of Clean by Linda Cobb By Windchime from Maple Falls, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant. While looking at the menu, Helen noticed her husband looking at the vegetarian section of the menu. "What would you like Marty?" she asked. "I'm looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish." He replied. "Marty, you like meat and potatoes. You won't like that dish." Helen said. "What do you know," answered Marty, "I'm getting it." "Marty, I'm telling' you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won't like it!" Helen exclaimed. "I'm getting it and that is the last word!" says Marty. A short while later the meals arrive at the table. Marty looks down and his dish and says to Helen, "Where are my eggs?"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the radar system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. HANG ON!" The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt, just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two rednecks were driving a semi down a road when they came to a viaduct. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 11 feet high. They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, let's go for it!"
Yard Deer

Today, June 6, in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India.
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at 
 Stony Creek, Ontario.
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely.
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was 
 an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts.
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler.
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into 
 effect. It was a penny per gallon.
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened.
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany.
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships 
 in U.S. ports.
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray 
 in Hartford, CT.
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches 
 of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and 
 Canadian troops were involved.
1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los 
 Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was 
 shot the evening before while campaigning for the Democratic 
 presidential nomination.
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive 
 PLO guerrillas out of Beirut.
1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. 
 The vote authorized $38 million over two years.
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections.
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal 
 authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana 
 on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical 
 marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban.
2013  smiled


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How to connect a Portable USB harddrive 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, June 5

Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!
Here is Cookie's 1955 T-Bird


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. --- Farmers' Almanac, 1978
While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a Meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."
The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said the Irishman. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. "
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents. I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of manual and was addressed to a church. But at first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight. The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly of God."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gerardo Perez, 50, Chicago, Ill Jailled for screwing dog in the pound Reported by The Weekly Vice Gerardo Perez, a 50-year-old Illinois bonehead, was jailed Saturday after he allegedly had sex with a pit bull while touring the local city pound. According to police, Perez was found inside a cage with a white and grey pit bull after he entered a restricted area of the Chicago Animal Care and Control Facility and proceeded to have sex with the dog. Perez was reportedly touring the facility with others when the incident took place. He was discovered by an employee who works at the facility. Investigators say Perez was found on his hands and knees next to the dog and appeared to have just had sex with the animal. Perez then made statements to employees that supported their suspicions of his activity. Perez was booked into jail and charged with felony sexual conduct with an animal and burglary. Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Portable Hard Drive Dear Webby How difficult is it to connect a portable hard drive to an XP computer? And how do you do it? Fran Dear Fran Not difficult at all. You plug it into a USB port, Windows recognizes it as a new device the first time you do it. If necessary Windows offers to install a driver for it. After that, it simply shows as an additional hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grass Stain Remover For a cheap grass stain remover that truly works, combine equal portions of white vinegar, liquid dish washing soap, and water. Shake well and work the solution into the spot. Let stand a few minutes and then launder as usual. It also works on fruit or beverage stains. This got all of the grass stains out of my son's light colored pants. I will never buy expensive stain removers again! Source: The Queen of Clean by Linda Cobb By Windchime from Maple Falls, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Mr. Goldblatt was known far and wide as a hard-nosed boss who watched his employees like a hawk. He was making one of his regular tours of the factory when he spotted a young man leaning against a pile of boxes just outside the foreman's office. Since George, the foreman, wasn't around, Goldblatt stood off to the side and watched to see just how long the young man would stand around doing nothing. The young man yawned, scratched his head, looked at his watch, and sat on the floor. He took out a nail file and began cleaning his nails. Then he stretched, yawned again, and leaned back on the pile of boxes. Goldblatt stepped from his hiding place and walked up to the young man. "You!" he boomed. "How much do you in a week make?" The young man looked up indifferently. "Four hundred and fifty dollars," he said. Goldblatt swooped into the cashier's office, took $450 from the cash box, and returned. "Take it," he said, "and get out! Don't let me see you around here again!" The young man took the cash, put it in his pocket, and left. Goldblatt snorted at his lack of remorse, embarrassment, or any other emotion. Then he went looking for George. When he found him, Goldblatt was red with anger. "That idler in front of your office," Goldblatt said. "I just gave him a week's pay and fired him. What's the matter with you, letting him stand around as though he had nothing to do?" "You mean the kid in the red shirt?" George asked. "Yes! The kid in the red shirt!" "He was waiting for the two dollars we owe him for lunch," George said. "He works for the coffee shop around the corner."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

Thanks to Bill for this story: Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home. "Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him. "I don't have a tape measure." "You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long." "Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at the fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
Dubai Miracle Garden

Today, June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle 
 of Fontaine-Francaise.
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to 
 demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques 
 Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans.
1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft.
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile 
 message across the Atlantic Ocean.
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. off 
 of the gold standard.
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when Germany 
 began an offensive in Southern France.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the 
 Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and Jordan began.
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, 
 eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war 
 with Israel.
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention 
 reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a 
 rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. 
 They were the first recognized cases of what came to be 
 known as AIDS.
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of 
 selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to 
 three life prison terms plus 10 years.
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory 
 near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled 
 workers across the U.S. for seven weeks.
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars 
 for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
2013  smiled


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How to disable Sticky Keys 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, June 4

Thank you Fred!



Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) Behold the turtle: He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. --- James Bryant Conant
A good looking woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, undressed and was just about to dive in when the owner of the orchard appeared from behind a bush and told her that swimming was not allowed. "You could have told me that before I undressed!" she scolded him. He replied, "Hey! You can sun tan all you want, but swimming in my drinking water is not allowed."
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read. So, when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks just, "XX". He started his own business, which soon prospered. He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz, I wanted to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years, you've been signing your checks, 'XX'; this one is signed with three XXX's." Mr. Schwartz answered, "Since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name!"
Click on the picture for the large version It is too wet!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tyler Deutsch, 25, Roy, Washington Charged With Placing Baby In Freezer Before Taking Hour-Long Nap Reported by The Weekly Vice Tyler Deutsch, a 25-year-old Washington man, was jailed Saturday after he allegedly placed his 6-week-old baby daughter in the freezer because he had grown tired of the child's crying and wanted to take a nap. According to the Pierce County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the couple's trailer home after Deutsch's girlfriend saw him remove the child from their freezer. When deputies arrived at the couple's home and questioned Deutsch, he admitted to placing the baby girl into the freezer and then closing the door because she wouldn't stop crying. Deutsch then settled in for a little nap. The child's mother, who was out running errands during the incident, returned to find Deutsch attempting to remove the child from the freezer before she walked into the residence. When the mother attempted to call 911, Deutsch grabbed the phone away from her stating that he didn't want to get into trouble. The woman then ran out of the trailer home and alerted neighbors who called 911 for her. The baby is believed to have been inside the freezer for about an hour before she was removed and her core temperature was about 84 degrees when arrived at the hospital. Doctors say the child will likely survive, but it is too soon to determine what health complications might persist since a baby's small size make it especially vulnerable to hypothermia and hypothermia related injury. Prosecutors say the child also sustained two broken bones and a head injury during the incident, however, an explanation for those injuries has not yet been made available. Deutsch was booked into the Pierce County Jail and charged with first-degree assault of a child, first-degree criminal mistreatment and first-degree interfering with the reporting of domestic violence. His bail has been set at $1 million. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Sticky Keys Dear Webby, My son has a problem with Sticky Keys! What is the best way to get rid of Sticky Keys? And lock them out? George Dear George Hitting the SHIFT, CTRL or ALT key 5 times turns sticky keys on or off. To permanetly turn them off, go to the Control Panel, and click on the Ease of Access line. Click on the Change how Your Keyboard Works. By default, under the Make It Easier to Type section, most of the items should be unchecked. Click on the Set Up Sticky Keys link to reach the configuration screen. On this screen, you want to uncheck the Turn on Sticky Keys when SHIFT Is Pressed Five Times box. That will prevent Windows from asking if you want to turn the feature on. Hit OK a few times to get out of that, and it is done. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Credit Cards on Vacation Call your credit card company(ies) before you leave. Let them know where you're headed and what kind of purchases you are likely to be making outside your normal spending pattern. This ensures they know your card hasn't been stolen, so they won't potentially freeze your account while they investigate. By sooz Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "I should warn you. . .you may not want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I speak from personal experience," the expert explained. "For years, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. "So finally one day I made a suggestion: 'Hon,' I said, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back persisted, "And didn't that save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

One evening I was driving my six-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was little traffic and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question." "What do you want to know?" "Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are you ever the idiot?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?"
Raised Beds

Today, June 4, in
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu 
 after a six month siege.
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him 
 as a hostage.
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts.
1717 The Freemasons were founded in London.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in 
 a hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and 
 reached a height of 8,500 feet.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after 
 conflicts over tribute.
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain.
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill.
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by 
 William Swan in Atlantic City, NJ.
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown 
 and Edward Pollard.
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan 
 Goldman in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding 
 chair that had been mounted on wheels.
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 
 troops at Dunkirk, France.
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major 
 victory for America over Japan during World War II. 
 The battle ended on June 6 and ended Japanese 
 expansion in the Pacific.
1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine 
 captured by the U.S. Navy.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army 
 entered Rome, which began the liberation of the Italian capital.
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier 
 Buu Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving 
 "complete independence" to Vietnam.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 
 artillery shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". 
 Due to the drunken and unruly fans the Indians 
 forfeited to the Texas Rangers.
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down an Alabama law that provided for a 
 daily minute of silence in public schools.
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen 
 Square to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is 
 believed that hundreds, possibly thousands, of 
 demonstrators were killed.
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first 
 countries to be able to buy and rent films at the 
 iTunes Store. 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Delta Search 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, June 3

Thank you Attila!

Lillemor sent me a link to an interesting article on Forbes 
about the end of Gullible Warming. 


To The Horror Of Global Warming Alarmists, Global Cooling 
Is Here - Forbes

Did somebody actually pay attention to what I have been 
writing about that for a dozen years?

Now watch the "Ice Age Is Coming" alarmists coming out of 
the woodwork! 

Since the drastic increase in wheat fuel (CO2) production
had no influence on climate, and since atmospheric CO2 was
just an indicator of something else, like I had writen dozens 
of times, we can now all go back to muscle cars and having 
fun!

Like this guy!


Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Anything too stupid to be said is sung. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
There was this 35 year old couple who had been married for ten years. They had a healthy and giving marriage. One morning the wife said, "I wish I was six again." What the wife didn't know was that her husband had heard her while shaving in the bathroom. So at breakfast he told his wife, "Change in plans, let's take a break from spring cleaning today and go out." Surprised, his wife agreed. First he took her to the movies to see a sobby romance film she had been dying to see. Next, they went to a rollerblading park and skated for hours. Afterwards, the husband took his wife to a carnival, that was in town for the week. They rode the Ferris wheel and bought some cotton candy and He even won her an unreasonably oversized stuffed animal. After the carnival, they went for ice-cream and a sub. That night in bed her husband said, "So, how did it feel to be six again?" His wife replied somewhat confused, "Oh you silly idiot! This morning I meant my dress size!"
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to- back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?". The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
Sorry re all the requests for lots more pictures of the Calgary Stampede Princesses. The only other one I got is this one, from just before I asked Catherine to tilt up het hat to get sunshine onto her face. Click on the picture for the large version Catherine Morneau and two other princesses
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Berry, 57, Lake Worth, Florida Charged With Sexually Assaulting Door Reported by The Weekly Vice Anthony Berry, a 57-year-old Lake Worth man, was jailed Monday after he allegedly had sex with a door that belonged to a local business. According to Lantana Police, officers were dispatched at around 2:00 p.m. when an employee at a local business called to report that a man was masturbating himself up against the front doors of the building. The employee reportedly used her iPhone to capture the action as Berry exposed his penis and began jiggy-jamming the door. Investigators say Berry then proceeded to a nearby bus stop, sat on the bench and basked in his short-lived afterglow. Officers arrived on the scene and took Berry and his penis into custody. Berry was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition. He was released two hours later. According to court records, this is at least his 32nd arrest since 1979. He has been arrested on an array of charges, including cocaine possession, trespassing, robbery, and sexual assault. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Get rid of Delta search Dear Webby, I love your newsletter and look forward to getting it every day. I have learned a lot and smiled a lot. I hope you can advise me, because I have a very unique problem: I use Windows XP SP3. I have Firefox as my browser of choice. I open the browser and search. Everything is fine. If I open a second browser tab, it goes to Delta Search. Of course I ignore it and use Bing or Google in the taskbar search area. I have researched this for several months. I have followed every suggestion and it still will not go away. Nothing can find it. I have run: MalwareBites CrapCleaner Spybot Avast HiJackThis Zsoft Uninstaller RootKillerKit RevoUninstallerPro RegistryCleaner Checked in FireFox Add-ons, and Plug-ins Checked in Manage Search Engines List Cleaned Cookies, temp files, & cache Checked Control Panel add/remove programs It did not show up in any of the above searches. (I have also used IE and it also comes up on the second browser tab.) Everything on the internet makes it seem like an easy task, but as you can see, it is hidden where the sun dont shine. Helen Dear Helen type in "about:config" in the url accept "I'll be careful I promise" type in "new tab browser" find the delta search bogus garbage, and double click the url link. replace it with what ever you like, google, yahoo, bing, about:blank, whatever you want. After that everything will be the way it should be. That will clean that uninvited nuisance off your machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Down Dish Detergent To Save Money I keep a dish detergent dispenser on the sink. When I refill it, I fill it with about 1/3 water and the rest with soap. I shake a little to mix. I find it works just as well as full strength detergent. Half of the time my family uses too much anyway and the detergent is a little too thick for me. Saves quite a bit on soap. By Barbara from Park Ridge, IL Using a shampoo style pump dispenser also helps to regulate dish soap usage. AND, they don't leak and get sticky. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

Anni and Wendy rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. On this particular day they caught over 50 fish. Anni turned to Wendy said, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here tomorrow." The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, Anni said, "You did you mark the spot, right?" Wendy replied, "Yeah, I painted a big X on the floor of the boat." Anni said, "You fool! What if we don't get that same boat today?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young lady was describing to her grandfather her experience at the theater the preceding evening. "Why, I was really shocked," the young girl said. "Everybody in the place was making out." "Making out? What in the world is that?" her grandpa asked. "It's the same thing you called necking, Grandpa." "Maybe so," Grandpa replied. "But now I call it reminiscing."
Ingomar Club (aka The Carson Mansion)

Today, June 3, in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized 
 Antioch, Turkey.
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain.
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter 
 for New Netherlands (now known as New York).
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was 
 completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution.
 Libya did not stop being a problem.
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first 
 baseball team to wear uniforms.
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine.
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty 
 with Germany.
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the 
 right to vote.
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the 
 British throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the 
 Koje prison camp in South Korea was put down by 
 American troops.
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut 
 to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the 
 first synthesis of a gene from chemical components.
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a 
 sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy 
 demonstrations in Tiananmen Square.
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an 
 international peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO 
 announced that airstrikes would continue until 
 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo.
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Zone Alarm Search 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, June 2

Thank you Dr Bill!

Thank you Jeris!

Saturday we had our annual parade.
They marshalled on the other side of the soccer field, and 
a bunch of bands tuned up on the soccer field. This was the
view from the office window:


More pictures of the parade further down.

The Saskatoon bushes are in full bloom now:




It was a bit too windy for bees, but the blooms usually stay
lit until they have been found by bees. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" ---Adam Sandler People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying. The mother is saying, "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Aw, Nowhere. Just scaring the heck out of college students!"
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."
Click on the picture for the large version Catherine Morneau, a Princess from the Calgary Stampede, the Cowboy world's equivalent of Miss Universe Jim from the Hellshalfacres.com Turner Valley Oilfield Society, a long time hosting customer. Our prime minister's wife usually rides in our parade. I think she was in this bunch, or one like it. She was born here and just fits in comfortably, no big fuss. These guys mean business. Cowboys don't like cattle rustlers. Unlike Obama's Marine honor guards, who have to take the bolts out of their guns, so that they can't shoot him, these cowboys are fully armed. And you can bet they also have some fairly long barreled revolvers within easy reach. They are not in the parade for security, just to show off how well prepared they are to deal with rustlers on the range. However, if somebody did try something improper, they got enough ammo to deal with any emergency. And one even carried a sabre! Quite the opposite were the Mini Horses. Kids go nuts over them, and they get excellent hay mileage. Mini donkeys Politician in nicely polished antique car. I hope you enjoyed watching some highlights of the hour long parade.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Megan Garland,28, Milwaukee, WI Teacher - Caught Having Sex With Student In School Parking Lot Reported by The Smoking Gun Megan Garland, a 28-year-old science teacher at Messmer High School, was jailed after she was allegedly caught having sex with a 14-year-old student outside a school event at another high school. According to police, an adult attending a school event at Destiny High School in north Milwaukee became suspicious after noticing a car in the parking lot with fogged up windows. The adult opened the car door and found Garland inside the vehicle performing a sex act on a 14-year-old student. Garland and the teen were detained at the scene until police arrived, however, Garland cut herself in a failed attempt of suicide after her activity with the teen was discovered. Garland was taken to a local hospital for treatment and then charged with second-degree sex assault of a child under the age of 16. During the investigation, police learned of a second potential victim that Garland may have had sexual contact with. Charges have not yet been filed in that case. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Get rid of Zone Alarm search Dear Webby, I downloaded an update for Shockwave and Foxit Reader two days ago. Since then, when I open Firefox, I get a http://search.zonealarm.com/ page. In my options, I have set "open with blank page". My "home page" is also blank. How can I get rid of http://search.zonealarm.com/? Thanks. Bill Hi Bill Your machine seems to be infected with ZoneAlarm. From what I read while searching for an easy solution for you, some people have, once upon a time, long, long ago, signed up for a free version of Zone Alarm, and totally forgot, that they elbowed the AGREE, without reading the 27 pages of small print. Apparently somewhere in there, they agreed to automatic updates. ZoneAlarm used that back-door to sneak in that crappy nuisance. Most likely the same happened with you. Well, a lot of people got conned into it, and there is good info on the net for getting rid of that infection. Here is one: Totally uninstall Zone Alarm (the Windows FireWall does everything nowadays, that Zone Alarm once promised): If you don't have the Secure Uninstaller you can use the Revo Uninstaller. Download and run the free version of Revo Uninstaller. It is at http://www.revouninstaller.com/revo_uni ... nload.html Select Zone Alarm and click Uninstall. Set it to 'Advanced' and click Scan. Revo will do this: Step 1. Create restore point. Step 2. Run the official Zone Alarm uninstaller. Step 3. When uninstaller finishes, click Scan in Revo and it will search for remnants (make sure it is set to Advanced). Delete everything found (Select All, Delete All). Reboot if asked to. That will clean that uninvited nuisance off your machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Marble Inside Spray Bottles When at the bottom of a spray bottle's contents and nothing comes out but foam, just drop in a marble. Every last bit of cleaner will be used up. Sometimes I drop in the marble when I first use the cleaner. It works every time. By Janette Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker." ------------------------ At one time bakers were hanged, if they sold underweight bread. A dozen rolls were supposed to weigh a pound. Since they traditionally sold underweight, they tossed in an extra roll, when they suspected, that the customer had a scale. Ever since then, 13 has been called a "Baker's Dozen".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here is a real classic: After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer. Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply. Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it. Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command. For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded: Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented command that should fix the problem. Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' at the end of the autoexec.nt file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes. About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer. Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using? Customer: Windows NT Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of Windows doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out. When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again. Customer: I need a new power supply. Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply. Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
Rare Clouds

Today, June 2, in
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists 
to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". 
 It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason 
 against the French Republic.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law 
 prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was 
 played in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio was patented in the U.S.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York 
 Journal as saying "the report of my death was an 
 exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that 
 he had died.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship 
 by the U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the 
first swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic 
 instead of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at 
 Westminster Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there 
 were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and 
 started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's 
 surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the 
 destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of 
 South Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on 
 the first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C 
 was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle 
 charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act 
 abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program 
 by requiring that all children be taught in English.
2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains 
 of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine 
 whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests 
 were aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in 
 Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican 
 Republic.
2013  smiled


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Where do I get Picasa? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, June 1

Thank you Jeris!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? --- George Wallace
Caution! This story from Martin contains some words in Australian, and might not be suitable for reading from the church pulpit. This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia. His Aussie neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he was, decided to make him feel welcome. He went next door to wish him welcome. He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home. The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Chinese man When he looked through his window, he saw the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff. The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Chinese man. At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his ear pressed against a cow's big butt. He became angry and went up to the Chinese man. "I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Chinese customs!" He yelled in the Chinese man's face. The Chinese man looked confused and answered. "Solly sir, I think you awe mistaken. These awe actually Austwalian customs. I was told, to become an Austwalian, you have to chase chicks, get piss dwunk, and lissen to boohll sheet."
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

Thanks to Bob for this story: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Morrow, 38, and Andrea Mobley, 36, Ocala, Florida Women Busted After "Bucket List" Theft Of Swimsuits, Beef Jerky From Walmart Reported by The Smoking Gun Two women whose joint bucket list included stealing from a retail store were jailed Wednesday after being caught swiping bathing suits and beef jerky from a Walmart in Florida. Jennifer Morrow, 38, and Andrea Mobley, 36, were collared for petty theft following their outing to an Ocala Walmart. he women are lifelong friends who had not seen each other in 15 years prior to recently reconnecting. For some reason, their reunion included a bucket list of things the duo wanted to accomplish while together, according to an Ocala Police Department report quoting the pair. Morrow and Mobley are pictured in the above mug shots. Morrow is the one, who looks like she feels she was entitled to that beef jerkey, and it is YOUR fault that she got caughts, and that she is going to make YOU pay for that. After being booked into the Marion County jail for misdemeanor theft, the women were each released on $250 bond. Cops say that Mobley stashed the bathing suits in her purse, while Morrow ate the beef jerky as she walked through the store. The items were valued at $73.78. The police report does not indicate what else was on the Morrow/Mobley bucket list, which investigators noted was "commonly a term used for a list of things to do before one dies." Tech Support Pits From: Ellie Re: Picasa Dear Webby, I heard of a program called Picasa that helps store and sort pictures, but don't know where I can get it. Can you please tell me? Ellie Dear Ellie You can download it from Download Picasa It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Less Ingredients When Baking When making cookies and squares, I never find that I need as many chocolate chips or nuts as the recipe calls for. Manufacturers are trying to sell their product. I don't believe in reducing the amount too much. By only putting in what is needed, I have reduced the fat content of the sweets and have some ingredients left over for the next batch. By Kathy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

>Thanks to Dave for this story My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those placards. "Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked. "That's right," my father answered proudly. "May I help you?" "Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard, and I want you to come and get it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The whole neighborhood shook from the ear splitting explosion in a nearby Pharmacy. As 911 was called, shopkeepers ran outside to see what happened, people spotted the pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building. His white uniform was now scorched black. He looked like Frankenstein. He went up to a shaken and shivering old lady standing nearby. "Lady!" he said, "Would you please ask your doctor to write that prescription again. And this time insist he better, PRINT IT!"
Rare Clouds

Today, June 1, in
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIs new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric 
 voting machine.
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico
1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England.
1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the 
 U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men.
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were 
 killed.
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had 
 produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 
 2-year association with Disney.
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time.
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from 
 Chicago to New York.
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete 
 as the Allied evacuation ended.
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the 
 Soviet Union.
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico.
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France.
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction 
 that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama.
1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known 
 as Rhodesia.
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire 
 & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers.
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft 
 to scoop Martian soil.
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. 
2013  smiled


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Locate de-sorted pictures 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 31.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. --- Anais Nin (1903 - 1977) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. --- Laurence J. Peter
Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always scream "Aye!" and furiously blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?" The Cajun mate looked surprised and replied, "You dumbo, ya say you neva heard of... 'an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot'?"
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. There was a moment of silence at the table, during which the little girl was heard to say to her brother, "You see, it *IS* vanishing cream!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Lowery, 35, West Haven, CT Hoe Called Police Over Pimp While Attempting To Service John Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Lowery, a 35-year-old West Haven woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly called police to complain about her pimp, then attempted to turn a quick trick while waiting for police to arrive. According to police, officers were dispatched to a Super 8 Motel in West Haven after Lowery called to report that her pimp was verbally harassing her. When officers arrived on the scene, they were unable to locate the reported "pimp" but did find Jennifer in a motel room with a man who had just paid her $200 for sex. When asked why she would be foolish enough to call police right before committing a crime, Lowery reportedly told investigators "I thought it would take police awhile to show up, so I figured I'd just turn a trick." The alleged john, identified as 60-year-old Richard Burford, appeared to be less than impressed by the whole ordeal in his mugshot. Lowery was booked into jail and charged with prostitution. Burford was charged with patronizing a prostitute. Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Locate De-Sorted pictures Dear Webby, My not too bright hubby moved around all of my pictures while I was away on a course. Instead of in twelve neat category sub-folders in one folder, they are now all over the computer, and most I can't even find! He says, at the time his system made more sense to him, but even he can't find most of them. HELP! How do I get them back? At least he didn't get W7, as he had threatened. Rhonda Dear Rhonda Add another category folder and call it "UNSORTED". Click on START, Search, and search for *.jpg When the search is completed, open a Windows File Explorer and line up your categories folder. Then, back in the Search window, look for the VIEW Icon on the top. It's the one with six dots in it and a pull-down arrow beside it. Pull that down and select "Thumbnails". Windows will start making a thumbnail for each picture. If you have thousands of pictures, this will take some time. Best is to not touch anything while it is doing this. Just let it run until that task is completed. Open a File Explorer beside it, and drag any of the pictures, that look like they might be yours, over into the "UNSORTED" folder. There might be a ton of useless crap like the silly Incredimail footer doo-dads, and logos and footers from spam emails. You can delete those or ignore them. Once you have all the keepers over in your "UNSORTED" foolder, close the search window, and open the "UNSORTED" folder wide open. Now you can drag the pictures from there into the 12 sorted folders. Now you have the thumbnails on the right, and your twelve category folders on the left, and you simply drag each picture into the correct category. This obviously is going to take some time. It will work best if your hubby in the meantime cleans up the kitchen and cooks meals, while you repair the damage. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Less Ingredients When Baking When making cookies and squares, I never find that I need as many chocolate chips or nuts as the recipe calls for. Manufacturers are trying to sell their product. I don't believe in reducing the amount too much. By only putting in what is needed, I have reduced the fat content of the sweets and have some ingredients left over for the next batch. By Kathy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

Thanks to Gina for this story: Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this classic: Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite," The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
Rain Forest Creatures

Today, May 31, in
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed.
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
 and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging.
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were 
 the first taxis in the United States.
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded.
1913 The 17th Amendment went into effect. It provided for 
 popular election of U.S. senators.
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London.
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" 
 in order to begin production of the Model A.
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary.
1961 South Africa became an independent republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people.
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights.
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 
 years of construction.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence.
1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range 
 nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union.
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing 
 of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he 
 had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. 
 He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years 
 for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.
2013  smiled


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Is there a quiet and washable keyboard? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 30.

Had to go to the bank, 20 miles away, so of course I took
the car. While in the bank, some bozo backed into it and
crunched some plastic. A pretty lady watched him do it, 
get out and inspect the damage, and take off. 
She got the licence plate number. A Govt pick-up truck.

I did not look at the front of the car, when I came out 
of the bank, and took off, while that lady was busy scribbling
a note. So she chased me to the grocery store at the other 
end of town, and gave me the info, which I gave to the cops
later on. Now I'll have to get some estimates. 
Plastic for a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron is probably getting 
rather scarce, and could be expensive.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen Don't fight a problem, solve it! --- Millard Fuller
A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds to refill."
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a miserable klutz, he couldn't do this to save his life!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Luis Briones, 25, Albuquerque, NM He drove drunk while having sex, crashed, hid behind cactus Thanks to Dianne for sending this in: Reported by The Calgary TV News A New Mexico man faces multiple charges after police say he was having sex with a woman while driving drunk and crashed, ejecting the woman from the vehicle. The Albuquerque Journal reports 25-year-old Luis Briones was found with one shoe on and his shorts on inside-out Monday night after he wrecked his Ford Explorer in Albuquerque. Police say Briones' female passenger was found naked outside the sport utility vehicle after being ejected. She had deep cuts to her face and head. Authorities allege Briones tried to drive away after the crash and abandon his passenger, but a witness grabbed his keys from the ignition. He also allegedly tried to hide from responding officers behind a cactus. Briones is charged with aggravated driving while intoxicated, reckless driving and evading police. Tech Support Pits From: Veronica Re: quiet and washable keyboard Dear Webby I am a home care nurse and spend a large part of my time "just being there" with terminally ill patients. I know some of them are overly sensitive or just want to complain about something, but the noise from my laptop when I write my reports or whatever, caused a few complaints. Is there a really quiet keyboard that I could use? Janice Dear Janice Yes, there sure is! The flexible Indestructible keyboard is totally quiet, and you can safely disinfect or wash it without worrying about damaging it. They are full size 52 cm (20") keyboards, but you can roll them up to fit into a purse, or for cleaning, to fit into even the smallest sink or disinfectant basin. You can see them at http://grandtec.com/products-vik.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Safe and Effective Mosquito Repellent A safe mosquito repellant is 2 ounces of water and 2 ounces of pure vanilla extract. Put in a spray bottle. They "hate" the smell. Make sure you use pure vanilla extract and not imitation vanilla extract. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! NO WEEDING with Aquaponics!

David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sarah, what time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A father from Eastern Europe is visiting his son in America for the very first time. They are at the local supermarket going up and down the aisles. Dad: "Vas diss, powdered orange juice?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und vas dis, powdered milk?" Son: "Yeah, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle the father says: "Und give look here. Baby Powder! Vat a country! Dey take da fun outta making everyting!"
Rain Forest Creatures

Today, May 29, in
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, 
 at the age of 19.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida 
 with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned 
 France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City 
 in a stampede due to a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in 
 danger of collapsing.
1889 The brassiere was invented.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis Sweepstakes. 
 The 500-mile auto race later became known as the 
 Indianapolis 500. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles 
 per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect 
 American interests.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
 to the Department of the Interior.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
 in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off 
 on a journey to Mars.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first 
 country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
 erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
2003 Peter Jennings was sworn in as a U.S. citizen
2013  smiled


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What to do when pictures are too large? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 29.

Thank you Andrew!

From Mike:
Hi Dear Webby,
 
Thanks for brightening my day each morning! I really 
look forward to reading your humor every day.
 
The last time I contributed was close to a year ago, 
so when my budget allows, I will be sending you 
another contribution this year.
 
Your joke about the senior citizen and the college 
student is one of my favorites, being an 
almost-senior-citizen myself. I find it particularly 
appropriate that the original version was actually 
attributed to Ronald Reagan in his biography: 
Mike


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"In a new interview, Uma Thurman says that when she wants to lose weight, she keeps her food intake down by eating in the nude. Actually, I tried that once, but I was kicked out of Denny's." --Conan O'Brien
My cousin Marion and the church organist were discussing music for Marion's wedding service. A first-time bride at 30, she said she'd like a song from Fiddler on the Roof. "You mean 'Sunrise, Sunset'?" the organist asked. "Actually," Marion replied, "I was thinking of 'Miracle of Miracles.'"
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

>Thanks to Rosie for this: On his way home from work recently, my husband came upon a 'Road Closed' sign. Undeterred, he maneuvered his truck around it and continued on. But he didn't get very far. The pavement ended with a 20 foot deep trench, and another, larger sign: "What Part of 'Road Closed' did you not understand?"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture! Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeremy Lovitt, 23, and Gabriel Gonzaels, 19, Stockton, Calif Jeremy Lovitt, Gabriel Gonzalez, Robbers Stranded When Burger King Employee Takes Getaway Car Reported by The Hufington Post Two alleged robbers were left high and dry Thursday when a Burger King employee hid their getaway car, Fox 40 reported. Police in Stockton, Calif., say Jeremy Lovitt, 23, and Gabriel Gonzales, 19, held up the fast food restaurant at gunpoint at about 9:45 p.m. While the manager and another employee handed over the money, a third employee says he exited the restaurant through the back and noticed that there was a car with the engine running in the parking lot, according to News 10/KXTV. The employee figured the vehicle was the suspects' getaway car, so he drove it around the corner and hid it, CBS 13 reported. When the two men ran out of the Burger King, they found their car was gone and attempted to flee to a nearby field, but cops quickly caught up to them. When they were all tired out from running, they were arrested and taken to the San Joaquin County Jail. All the robbed money was recovered by police. Tech Support Pits From: Mellie Re: Pictures too big Dear Webby when I take pictures with my digital point and shoot, or my Galaxy SII cameraphone, they're always one to two megs in size. How can I reduce the file size to a reasonable level? I don't have Photoshop, I have Photo Filtre. Thanks for all your help. Mellie Dear Mellie You don't need Photoshop or Paint Shop Pro or any of those big programs. Just about any graphics program lets you resize pictures. Straight off the camera they are usually 1600 x 1200 or bigger. The pictures you see in the humor letter are 600 x 480, a size, that is comfortable in emails. Most likely your "Photo Filtre" will let you resize the pictures. Save the resized picture with a descriptive name, and try not to overwrite the original. That way you can always make other, good quality, clones of it. If "Photo Filtre" can't do resizing, let me know, and I will find you a free program, that does. Have FUN! DearWebby It workded!! Yeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! Thanks so much for the help! mellie
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Chrome Mirrored Trays For Bathroom Bottles Yes, all those bottles! I still use one of the old chrome and metal mirrored bottom trays with chrome pipe sides. They are easy to clean and all the bottles, tubes and such are contained in a small area. I think you can still buy the trays at bath stores and I have seen them at resale shops, too. You can spray paint to match your taste. By Shelly from Florida Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is NO WEEDING necessary with Aquaponics!

>From Susan During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying---until she glanced at my grandparents. My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand. That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing. After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst. "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," Grandmother replied, "but I was just checking if he was awake."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Alex One night at about 3am my wife was getting up from the toilet to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the bathroom with her. She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone, she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again! She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she once again tried to retreat from the bathroom. This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the back of her leg! That was too much to bear. She literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side. The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bath- room.
Yarn Bombs

Today, May 29, in
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, 
 ending the Byzantine (Eastern half of Roman) Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne 
 after the Puritan Commonwealth.
1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before 
 Virginia's House of Burgesses.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abe  Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City.
 The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1911 The first running of the Indianapolis 500 took place.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the 
 Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for 
 dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained 
 until 1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. 
 to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive 
 for another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the 
 North Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became 
 first men to reach the top of Mount Everest and live.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured 
 in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor 
 William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to 
 Iran were being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the 
 Soviet Union in Moscow.
1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first 
 docking with the International Space Station.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and 
 declared martial law following a coup attempt by 
 indigenous Fijians in mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden 
 were convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. 
 The crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. 
 embassies in Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer 
 Casey Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2013  smiled


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Clarifying old pictures 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart. --- David Augsburger
Thanks to Tammy for this story: My husband, son and I had stopped to take in a spectacular sunset and were on our way back to our car, when four Buddhist monks walked by. When our son asked about them, I explained, "Their life is a quest for enlightenment." "I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?" "Or a Honda Odyssey," I said. The monks got into a Nissan Pathfinder.
Hardware Diagnostics If you are not sure, that the problem is messed up software, get the Microscope V16 Software Hardware Diagnostics With Over 250 Proprietary Functions. That's what the Pro's use to quickly determine what needs to be replaced or upgraded.

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. * Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Latasha Renee Love, 37, Charlotte, North Carolina Mom Has Child Busted For Theft Of Her Pop-Tarts Reported by The Smoking Gun A North Carolina mother had her son arrested this week for taking her Pop-Tarts without permission, police report. The child was busted on a larceny charge, according to the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department, whose officers were summoned Monday night to a Charlotte home by Latasha Renee Love, the accused juveniles 37-year-old mother. A police report notes that the known suspect stole Pop-tarts belonging to his mother at their home at 530 Goldstaff Ln. The suspect was juvenile arrested at the time of the offence. Cops described the stolen goods as Foodstuffs valued at $5. Love, who reportedly has had discipline issues with her child, apparently decided to have him arrested as some kind of a lesson. Love is pictured above in a mug shot snapped after a September 2009 drunk driving arrest. The misdemeanor case against the boy will be handled in juvenile court. Tech Support Pits From: Bonny Re: Fuzzy pictures Dear Webby I have a bunch of older digital pictures that are quite fuzzy by today's standards. How do you make fuzzy pictures clear and sharp? Bonny Dear Holly As long as it is not motion blur or jitters, you have a very good chance at clarifying the pictures. If you have Paintshop Pro, increase the image size 10-15%, then use the "Clarify" button. Increase the size again and clarify once more. By now the pricture is probably getting rather coarse looking. Now use the Effects tool and select "Edge Preserving Smooth". After that, shrink the picture to original size. It should be quite acceptable now. This trick works pretty well on original pictures, but nothing works, if a picture has been saved a few times with a high JPG compression. Always work in PSP or PSD or PNG format, until all work is completed. Then save in that format first before doing a final save in JPG format. If it is for the web, you can leave it in PNG format. Most browsers can handle that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze and Bake a Few Cookies at a Time My husband and I are what I call "cookie pigs"! If I make 30 cookies, we'll eat 30 cookies. Needless to say, we don't need 30 cookies. What I do now, since we came to our senses, is make a double batch of our favorite cookie recipe, bake a few for now, and put the others in the freezer. I prepare them just as if I were going to bake them now and place closely together on a cookie sheet. After they're frozen very hard (I wait a night), I put them in a plastic container separated with waxed paper. Then when we want cookies, I can bake 4 (they're small!) and we have 4. Sure helps to control our eating but still allows us to have treats. By Judi Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $27 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? It's top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that clean that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is NO WEEDING necessary with Aquaponics!

Thanks to Sandie for this story: A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I switched the heads."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own. "You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and uh.." Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany, the "wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them...... you arrogant little TURKEY!! All you invented so far is rap, saggy pants and and rear cleavage. Now......what else are you doing for the next generation??"
Red Clover

Today, May 27, in
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse.
585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended.
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of 
 King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid.
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy.
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight 
 in the U.S. Civil War.
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State.
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence.
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in 
 Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could 
 cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California.
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany.
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, 
 limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose 
 to a yield of 150 kilotons.
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed 
 a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading 
 Soviet air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988.
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed 
 at least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5.
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners 
 in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of 
 our solar system with the use of photos taken by the 
 Hubble Space Telescope.
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" 
 was put back on display after more than 20 years of 
 restoration work.
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the 
 creation of the NATO-Russia Council.
2013  smiled


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Sharp Pictures on the web 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 27.

I wish all American readers a happy and safe Memorial Day. 
Whether you're relaxing at home or traveling with family, 
enjoy your long weekend, and give a thought or two to the
heroes, who paid for your freedom with their lives and limbs.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I am not young enough to know everything. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? --- Kelvin Throop III
Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left. "All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly what they did. But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she's tired and wants to go to sleep. "Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear. "Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning. You don't!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?" The pigmy said, "Yes." The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?" The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club." The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "Not counting the Women's Auxiliary, there are about two hundred of us."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rodney Wold, 64, Louisville, KY Jailed After Threatening Neighbor With Rifle Over Wabbits Reported by The Weekly Vice Rodney Wold, a 64-year-old Kentucky man, was jailed after he allegedly threatened a neighbor with an AK-47 because the neighbor had been shooting at wabbits, err rabbits. According to Louisville Police, Wold became angry when he caught his neighbor sitting on his back porch shooting at rabbits. In retaliation, Wold retrieved a loaded AK-47 rife from his home, pointed it at his neighbor and yelled "if you want to hunt something, you can hunt me." When officers arrived on the scene, the neighbor admitted to shooting at rabbits with an air rifle because they were damaging his garden. The neighbor's wife, who witnessed the incident, told officers that they had previously had problems with Wold. After obtaining permission to search Wold's residence, officers located the AK-47 between the mattress and box spring of his bed. Officers found the rifle loaded with a magazine that held 19 rounds, according to the arrest affidavit. Wold was booked into jail and charged with wanton endangerment. His bond has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits From: Holly Re: Picture clarity Dear Webby Why are some pictures on the net and in email so fuzzy and others are sharp and clear? is that because of the type of camera used? Holly Dear Holly Usually that has nothing to do with the camera, but with how the camera was used, and especially how the pictures were saved. Some people are on slow servers and have to reduce the size of their files, so that they finish loading before the visitor's attention span runs out. That is done by chosing a high compression ratio. With the JPG files, that are used on the web, the compression is "lossy". When pixels are thrown away, color depth and clarity naturally suffers. This is made even worse if a picture is edited and saved multiple times. Each time the compression loses more pixels and the picture gets fuzzier and more washed out looking. Lost pixels can never be returned. For editing I recommend using PSP, PSD, or PNG format, and only convert the picture to JPG as a last step before uploading. You can even leave them in PNG format. Most modern browsers can handle PNG pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Pans With "No Stick" Spray in Dishwasher When spraying your baking and frying pans with no stick spray, open your dishwasher door and place the item on it. Spray your cooking pans as desired and simply close the dishwasher door. No oily mess to clean off the counters and items on your counter in the general area and especially not on the floors making an extreme slipping hazard. Close the door and easily clean it all up the next time you run your dishwasher through the cycles leaving a shiny clean inside door and no residue to clean while trying to prepare your food saving time, energy and money by not having to purchase as much cleaning supplies. Simple and easy, try it and guaranteed you will use this trick often, I know I do! By Beau D from Vancouver, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house." "That's at our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and her food always turns out good!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My mother-in-law just ran me over!" the shaken man told the police officer. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" And the man said, "I recognized the laugh!"
Therapy Animals

Today, May 27, in
1647 Achsah Young, a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed 
 for being a "witch."
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for 
 being Baptists.
1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, by a tornado.
1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco.
1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first transatlantic 
 flight.
1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the 
 stratosphere, by balloon.
1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to 
 pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco 
 and Marin County.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an 
 "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions.
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British 
 naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed.
1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive 
 in Libya with his Afrika Korps.
1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government of Turkey.
1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center 
 in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10.
1982 Japan announced the elimination of tariffs on 96 
 industrial goods.
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds 
 from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire 
 to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader 
 of the rebels.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment 
 suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President 
 Clinton was in office.
1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for 
 not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City 
 federal building.
1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted 
 Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. 
2013  smiled


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How to find a lost browser 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 26.

The snow we got during the week and the icy rain
did not delay the Rhubarb one bit. With blatant disregard
for climate and weather it shook off the snow and virtually
exploded. From now until the end of September it will produce
more than I can use.

During the afternoon it looked like a major storm was 
approaching, but I managed to mow the back half before it 
broke. 

The Saskatoon bushes in the back are just starting to bloom.
If we get some sunshine, I'll take some pictures.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. --- Jascha Heifetz (1901 - 1987) The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. --- Eugene McCarthy
A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her four-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet soon. That stuff is cheap but quite poisonous."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only, but they must be bees wax candles. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad. Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday.Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish: What's a light bulb? ------------------ If you have any other definitions, plelase send them to me.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Meacham, 39, St louis, Missouri Flees From Police During Traffic Stop, Attempts To Hide Inside Police Headquarters Reported by The Weekly Vice Joseph Meacham, a 39-year-old St. Louis man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly ran into a police department while trying to flee officers. According to the Clayton Police, an officer was attempting to pull Meacham over for an unknown traffic violation when Meacham stopped the vehicle and fled on foot. As Meacham was being chased by the officer, he unknowingly ran into the St. Louis County police office looking for a place to hide. Investigators say detectives watched as Meacham darted in and out of hallways, clearly not knowing where he was going. Eventually, Meacham ran into an office occupied by the Chief of Police. That's when he realized that he had hit a dead end, dropped to the floor and curled up into a ball. Meacham was then taken into custody at gun point. "He acted like if he didn't look up and couldn't see us, then we couldn't see him," said St. Louis County Lt. Bryan Ludwig. Meacham was booked into jail and issued several court summonses. He was later released without bail. A female who was a passenger in Meacham's vehicle during the arrest was also taken into custody, but has been cooperating with police. Tech Support Pits From: Rheta Re: Lost browser Deat Webby; Will here I am again. With another question. Some how I have AOL as my browser. I have no idea how I lost my Internet explorer. How do I get it back? Please. Rheta Dear Rheta Click on start and type iexplore and hit enter. If you have FireFox installed somewhere, you can type firefox and hit Enter. When you hit Enter, the selected browser will start up, and ask you, if you want to make it the default browser. Most likely you have an icon for your favorite browser somewhere in your forest of desktop icons. Send a youngster on a scavenger hunt to find it. When it is found, right-click the status bar, and make sure it is not locked. Then drag the found icon onto the status bar next to START. Now it will always be handy and won't get lost again. After that, you can lock the tool bar again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sugar Scrub I know most of you have heard of sugar scrubs as a facial, so I thought I would try a homemade version. I put about a tablespoon of sugar in my hand and add any lotion on top of it, then rub it onto my face and neck for about a minute or as long as you like. Rinse well. My face and neck feel so soft and looks smoother. By stronium from Grayson, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me. The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room. One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a beer case converted to a kitten carrier. A student stopped me and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?" I explained that I was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting fixed today," I told him. "Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Bob came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Bob asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter she wrote: PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
Ambigrams

Today, May 26, in
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans.
1328 William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because 
 of his religious beliefs and writings.
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of 
 Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for 
 a second offense.
1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being 
 exiled for nine years.
1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between 
 Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them.
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French 
 at the Battle of Ackia.
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over 
 the crown and state assets.
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in Milan
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska.
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned.
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East.
1913 Actors Equity Association was organized in New York City.
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, began
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb.
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military 
 pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin.
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, 
 Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 
 in deposits its first day.
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O.
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a 
 record time of just over three hours.
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful 
 eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing.
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal 
 injuries in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 
 13 buses in his car.
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the 
 South Tower of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 
 3 1/2 hours.
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing all 
 223 people aboard.
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, 
 and announced that his administration would no longer link 
 China's trade status with its human rights record.
2013  smiled


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Ad Blocking 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, May 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge Life is full of obstacle illusions. --- Grant Frazier
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card. The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have an- niversary cards. Why not take one of each?" The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers BOTH events! You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory Stambaugh, 57, and Karen Harrelson, 48 in York, PA Couple Jailed After Stabbing One Another During Argument Over American Idol Reported by The Weekly Vice Gregory Stambaugh, 57, and Karen Harrelson, 48, were jailed last Wednesday after they allegedly stabbed each other during an argument over which contestant should win 'American Idol.' According to police, Stambaugh and Harrelson had been watching the show at Stambaugh's home Wednesday evening when they got into an argument over who should win the season's title. Investigators say one of the suspects went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and stabbed the other. In retaliation, the other suspect grabbed the knife and stabbed back. When police arrived at the scene, both Stambaugh and Harrelson argued about who stabbed first. Police believe alcohol was likely a factor in the altercation, and since they did not leak much and were internally antiseptic, Stambaugh and Harrelson were booked into the York County Prison and charged with assault. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Ad Blocking Deat Webby; Thanks for the camera hints on pixel size for emailing. I saved the pic to the pc then cut them down in size & emailed them. The receipants said they came thru really well. I read some where a long time ago that there is a way to stop the ad banners while surfing a site. Do you know how to do this? Also I am curious if using instant messenger for chatting w/ family & friends is a way of getting a virus? I do a virus scan twice a week & have one that is on auto protect all the time. Thanks for your wonderful help. Sharon Dear Sharon There are ways to block all ads. The easiest is not to go to sites, that use ads to help pay for their web space. Contrary to popular opinion, web space is not paid for by the Easter Bunny. When I really like a site, I click on every ad they have. I know they will get a few pennies per 1000 exposures, and I don't begrudge them that. The same when I buy something over the net, I try to approach it through an ad on a site that I like. It does not cost me any extra, but it may make the difference between them staying alive or not. If you do the opposite, and block ads, then you are looking for trouble. Many sites consider that as being a parasite, and they redirect your browser away from their good pages. Where they redirect you to, that's anyones guess and depends on how much they dislike parasites. Often those redirect targets are bad news. Nobody is getting rich off the ads any more, but they do help with the expenses of running a site. Re Instant Messengers: If you use AOL Instant messenger or MSN messenger or Yahoo messenger, then you better have VERY good security up and running, and pray a lot. Especially AIM seems to be a real trouble magnet. On the other end of the spectrum is Skype. It is encrypted and hostile stuff just does not make it through that encryption. We use Skype for tech support and there has never been even the slightest hint of any problem. And it's free! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cardboard To Clean Keyboard I found to my surprise that using cardboard from a toilet paper roll, about the size of a large paperclip, makes an excellent hair and debris picker-upper from off the keyboard. By Robyn A vacuum cleaner works well too. Since I stopped smoking a bit over two years ago, keyboards require a lot less cleaning. Nowadays I just hit them upside down over the garbage can, then give them a squirt of window cleaner and vacuum them. One swipe with the carpet beater is enough and all the keys are bright and shiny again. Today's keyboards are very sturdy and can take all kinds of abuse. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy to focus more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "But Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was President of The United States!"
Ambigrams

Today, May 25, in
585 BC The first known prediction of a solar eclipse was 
 made in Greece.
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems.
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain.
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry.
1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was 
 convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison in London.
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would 
 replace the Model T.
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired.
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work 
 toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade.
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded.
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared 
 in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national 
 memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done 
 to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at 
 Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people were killed.
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, 
 while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours.
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that 
 killed more than 11,000 people.
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces 
 of communism.
2001 Erik Weihenmeyer, 32, of Golder, CO, became the first blind 
 climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic plains 
 of Mars.
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second 
 successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong.
2013  smiled


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Email not getting through 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 24.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thursday it snowed. By mid-afternoon we had 10 cm (4").
Then the wind shifted and the snowing turned into an icy rain.
The temperature rose, though, and by 8:30 it was 3 -4 degrees 
above freezing, and the rain washed most of the snow away in
a big hurry.

I really don't like horizontal rain on my glasses, so I dug 
out the umbrella, that I had bought years ago at the Dollar 
Store. Here it's not like Vancouver, where every store and
restaurant has a pile of forgotten umbrellas and gladly give
you some. "Are you sure you only left one? We got TONS!"

Actually, I have not been in Vancouver for many years, and 
don't know if things are still the same.

So i went for a walk with my totally untried Dollar Store
umbrella and was pleasantly surprised. It handled the rain 
and wind without any problems. 

The smooth grip, though, has no class. I intend to change 
that with either hockey tape or vulcanizing tape, whichever
I find first in the garage.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931)
One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, "Take it easy. You'll find it." When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn't find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, "I'm sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it." "You're very kind," the professor said, "but I must find it, otherwise I won't know where to get off. I forgot where I am supposed to be going today!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

Thanks to Matt for bringing back this classinc: HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one. Bryan invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Bryan's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Bryan's roommate, Jessica, was. Bryan's mother had long been suspicious of a relationship between Bryan and Jessica, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mother started to wonder if there was more between Bryan and Jessica than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bryan volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jessica and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jessica came to Bryan saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Bryan said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Bryan Several days later, Bryan received an email from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jessica, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jessica. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Taylor Powers, 21, Colorado Rescued Off Colorado Mountain After Getting High On Mushrooms, Stripping Off Her Clothes Reported by The Smoking Gun Taylor Powers. The college student, 21, had to be rescued yesterday afternoon off a Colorado mountain after she ingested mushrooms, stripped off her clothes, and scuffled with two male classmates, with whom she had been hiking. After receiving a 911 call that a female hiker was high on mushrooms and in distress, Boulder County Sheriffs Office deputies and other assorted rescue personnel (35 in total) responded to Chautauqua Park. Powers, seen above, was located by a park ranger right where they had told him they were. He discovered that the University of Colorado undergrad had removed all of her clothing and was being restrained by two male companions. Rescuers had to handcuff the unruly Powers, who struggled as she was placed in a rescue basket. Cited for unlawful consumption of a controlled substance, Powers was transported to a Boulder hospital, where she was treated and released last night. Further charges are pending against others involved, deputies reported. I wonder if the bonehead award should really go to the two clowns, who could not cope with her freaking out, a common occurrence with mushrooms, or whoever decided to send 35 "Rescuers" to pick up one stoned hippie girl at a known location. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Mail not getting through Dear Webby I am sending this from a friend's computer, because mail from my computer does not seem to get through to anybody. What could be the cause of that? My regualr address is alicer@... Alice Dear Alice The reason your mail is blocked by everybody is because you use an autoresponder. That makes you look like a silly moron and a nuisance, and your address gets blacklisted. Most spam control programs recognize autoresponders, automatically dump mails from them and blacklist that address. Get rid of that dumb autoresponder and change your address. Most likely some of your friends will forgive you for having annoyed them with an autoresponder. Keep in mind, the whole county knows, that you leave the office at quarter to five, and when they send you a late night joke for the next morning, they really don't need a silly auto-responder telling them, that you are out of the office. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Stains on Formica To remove a stain on your Formica counter top, just slather a thick amount of dish washing detergent over it and let it sit for several hours, then wipe it up. The detergent seems to draw the stain into it. I discovered this by accident and it works over 90% of the time. By Ramona from Ocala, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over an unconscious man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?" "Yes" says the woman. "Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face. "How many times did you hit him?" "I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times..... put me down for a five."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the church. An elderly man shook his hand and said, "Reverend, that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to. It was terrible." As the minister stood there dumbfounded, the old man's wife stepped in, trying to help. "Please don't pay any attention to him, pastor. He slept through it all and only repeats what he hears others say."
Demotivational Stuff

Today, May 24, in
1543 Nicolaus Copernicus published proof of a sun-centered 
 solar system.
1607 Captain Christopher Newport and 105 followers found 
 the colony of Jamestown at the mouth of the James River 
 on the coast of Virginia.
1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginias 
 charter was revoked and it became a royal colony.
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, 
 protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically 
 excluded from exemption.
1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without
 representation" and called for the colonies to unite in 
 demonstrating their opposition to Britains new tax measures.
1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was 
 imminent, Irish nationalists rose up against the British 
 occupation.
1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. 
 began service.
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first 
 telegraph line. The first message was sent from 
 Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was 
 "What hath God wrought?"
1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston.
1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge 
 was opened to traffic.
1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from 
 England to Australia.
1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck 
 in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived.
1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was 
 opened in Jersey City, NJ.
1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde 
 service to Washington.
1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's 
 World Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years 
 in prison.
1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas 
 explosion in the Ukraine.
2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded 
 when two gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, 
 Queens, New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the 
 basement and then shot them.
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent 
 normal trade relations with China.
2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington 
 brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record.
2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 
2013  smiled


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How many megapixel should a camera have? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 23.

The Griffiths Center, local hosting clients, needed an extra
volunteer to go count money at a band casino in Calgary.
The casino makes a generous donation to the Griffiths Center
in exchange for two days, two shifts of six people each day.
Last year apparently they donated $40,000.

I thought it would be interesting so I volunteered. It sure
was interesting to see the secure area of the casino, the
carts with the money boxes, and the counting operation.
My job, because it was a first for me, was to sort the
money from one box at a time into 5s, 10, 20s, 50s and 
hundreds, and put the stacks into glass racks. 

The next guy ran each stack through a counting machine,
the woman next to him punched the result into a computer
and passed that stack on to the next couple, who repeated 
the process.

Easy work, and a great way to get some funds for the
Griffiths Senior Center. They are at  http://griffithscenter.com

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Aim for success not perfection... Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person." --- Dr. David Burns
Thanks to Shirley for this report: You may not know this but many non living things have a gender. Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over- inflated. A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Selena Velasquez, 17, Albuquerque, N.M. Jailed After Threatening To Cry Rape Unless Man Pays $500 Per Week Reported by The Weekly vice Selena Velasquez, a 17-year-old New Mexico woman, has been jailed after she allegedly had consensual sex with a 43-year-old man, then threatened to file rape charges if he didn't pay her $500 per week. According to state police, Velasquez was at a Cinco de Mayo party in Pecos earlier this month when she met a 43-year-old man and had consensual sex with him. After the encounter, Velasquez allegedly told the man that she would report the sex as rape if he didn't pay her $500 every Friday for three consecutive weeks. Investigators say Velasquez made matters worse by visiting the man's work uninvited, repeatedly texting him and threatening to harm him and his daughter. After reporting the blackmailing scheme to police, investigators directed the victim to call Velasquez and agree to her demands while they monitored the call. The victim agreed to meet Velasquez at a local Walmart where he was to make the first $500 payment. When Valesquez showed up to collect payment and accepted an envelope filled with fake money, officers pounced. During questioning, Valesquez reportedly admitted to having consensual sex with the man. She was taken to jail shortly thereafter. She was booked into the Santa Fe County Juvenile Detention Center and charged with felony extortion. She was released on Monday. The man was not charged in the case because the age of consent in New Mexico is 16. Tech Support Pits From: Shanya Re: Megapixels Dear Webby, How important is the number of Megapixels of a camera? Aren't five of them enough? Shanya Dear Shanya Megapixels are only relevant when comparing cameras of the same maker. The number of megapixels is less important to me than their size and depth. I can take much better pictures with a 2 Megapixel Canon than with a 12 Megapixel HP, and reach much further into the dark. Even if you compare Canon cameras, a Rebel EOS T3 has very impressive data, and a big, heavy lens. Theoretically one should be able to take fantastic pictures with that heavy klunker. Actually, in real life, it is a fussy nuisance, and even though it has a big lens, it requires a lot of light for a decent picture. A professional can make good use of it, but most amateurs probably won't be that happy in spite of the very impressive data. The Rebel EOS T3 is an affordable PRO camera. For casual every day use, go for a Canon PowerShot. It produces fantastic pictures, even though the data are not really that impressive. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Natural Mosquito Repellent For insect repellent, essential oils such as clover, citronella, eucalyptus, peppermint, lavender, cedar and lemon grass repel bugs naturally. In a spray bottle, combine 1 1/2 tsp. essential oils per cup of vodka. Apply jojoba oil or almond oil to skin before spraying. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

An elderly husband and wife noticed they were beginning to forget little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous so they decided to go see a doctor to get some help. Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. This seemed like an excellent idea. When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? Why don't you write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!" "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "No problem, ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Where's the toast? I TOLD you to write it down!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During the "rush hour" at Houston Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them. After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, "We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C. you should 'deplane' at this time." A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, wrong plane."
Wired Animals

Today, May 23, in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. 
 She was then sold to the English.
1533 Henry VIIIs marriage to Catherine of Aragon was 
 declared null and void.
1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of 
 the Reformation were thrown through a window.
1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after 
 being convicted of murder and piracy.
1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had 
 invented bifocals.
1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was 
 established. The organization's name was changed to 
 Royal Canadian Mounted Police in 1920.
1915 During World War I, Italy changed sides to join
 the Allies as they declared war on Austria-Hungary.
1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde 
 Barrow were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. 
 The bank robbers were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe.
1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head 
 of the Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while 
 imprisoned by the Allied forces.
1949 The Republic of West Germany was established.
1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann 
 in Argentina.
1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the 
 Central Bank and took 200 hostages.
1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison 
 for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union.
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City 
 was demolished.
1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern 
 Ireland approved a peace accord.
1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when 
he fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. 
1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to scale 
 El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his own record 
 that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 
2013  smiled


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Post-It-Notes for the computer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 22.
Thank you Evelyn!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living. --- Marcus Tullius Cicero, 106 BC - 43 BC
>From Ida For years my husband denied he was an aggressive driver. That changed one day when we were out for a ride with our three-year-old, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I began quizzing Matthew about traffic lights. "What does a red light mean?" I asked. "Stop." "How about green?" "Go." "And yellow?" In his best impression of Daddy, Matthew bellowed, "Haaaanng on!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment and get your block knocked off." she said. "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystle Harrison, 19, Bradenton, Florida Jailed for Biting Boyfriend's Penis After He Turned Her Down For Sex Reported by The Weekly vice Krystle Harrison, a 19-year-old Florida woman, was jailed last week after she allegedly took a bite out of her boyfriend's penis after he turned her down for sex. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, Harrison and her boyfriend were in bed when Harrison touched him in a suggestive manner and told him that she was in the mood for sex. After the boyfriend had refused Harrison's request for sex several times, Harrison retaliated by grabbing his penis and then biting it. Investigators say the boyfriend jumped out of bed and left the residence, however, Harrison followed him through the door and continued to argue with him outside. When the boyfriend still refused to have sex, Harrison slapped him in the face and then spit on him. At some point during the argument, a tussle broke out between the pair, resulting in scratch marks to the victim's chest. When deputies arrived on the scene and saw the victim's injuries, they immediately took Harrison into custody. She was booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with battery domestic violence. She was released after posting $1,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Computer Post-It notes Dear Webby, Years ago you mentioned post-it notes for the computer, not the expensive paper ones, but virtual ones. Are they still available? Where do I get them? Erin Dear Erin Yes, 3M is still in business. Try http://www.3m.com/psnotes They have free versions and reasonably priced professional versions. Unless you need to paste notes onto your hubby's computer down in the basement from yours up in the kitchen, you can probably just use the free version. You will be amazed at what you can do with even the free version, like setting alarms, auto-hide and auto-reveal, and so on. They are also handy for a quick cratch-pad for stuff, that does not merit a file. Just like the paper post-it-notes 20 years ago, they become quite indispensable quickly. There are also the WebNotes at WebNotes You create a work space on the cloud, and pop yellow notes. Your work space is only as secure as the name you give it, however, for casual stuff like shopping lists or picnic plans or collaborative homework it is fine. If you and your cohorts are familiar with RSS, you can arrange it so that an RSS message pops on the desktops of all participants whenever one of them edited a note or added a new one. Load a work space by inventing a name. For single use, just hit the little yellow rectangle at the left top, and a note pops. Double-click in it. There are 8 colors to choose. Type into the note whatever you want. The second icon from the left is for saving the work space. Drag the little icon on the left of the URL Address bar of the browser onto your desktop. Now you can close it, and whenever you want to go back to your work space on the cloud, hit that desktop icon. When you want somebody else to look at your notes, send them the URL, that is in that desktop shortcut or on your web space, for example http://www.aypwip.org/webnote/ErinTheFirst Then they can read and edit your notes and add new ones. Unlike the 3M Post-It-Notes, the Webnotes don't take graphics. It's a really ancient program and when it was writen, plain text notes were good enough. The main advantage of WebNotes is the ability to share and collaborate over the net, and not have all of FaceBook snicker and giggle about it. They are also handy for sending passwords, registrations, URLs etc. from your desktop to your laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Any Oil To Quiet A Squeaky Door Any kind of oil will fix a squeaky door. I was visiting my young daughter a few years ago and one of her doors was really squeaky. It was fairly early in the morning and she was still asleep so I couldn't ask her what she had to eliminate the problem. I went to her pantry and picked up a can of Pam cooking spray and sprayed the door hinges. It worked like a charm. By Betty from Lubbock, TX WD-40 is cheaper and does not attract dust. It can be re-applied whenever necessary, unlike PAM or cooking oils, which get hard and sticky and squeak, and need to be taken apart and cleaned with WD-40 or penetrating oil. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Thanks to Diane for this report: I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tellawoman!
Amazing Places

Today, May 21, in

1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish 
 prelates in France.
1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the 
 Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses.
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in Belgium.
1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the 
 Atlantic Ocean.
1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining chair.
1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry dock.
1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took place. 
 The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds to the 
 seven members of the Reno gang.
1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners.
1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea.
1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas Edison's lab.
1892 Dr. Sheffield, a British dentist, invented the toothpaste tube.
1908 The Wright brothers registered their flying machine for a U.S. patent.
1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military alliance 
 between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel."
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was canceled by 
 police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and roll dances might be featured."
1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the moon's surface. 
 The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar landing.
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became the 
 republic of Sri Lanka.
1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0.
2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's Rock Creek Park. 
 She was last seen on April 30, 2001. 
2013  smiled


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Safe Magnifier 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, May 21.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. --- Jack London (1876 - 1916)
The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kassandra Martinez, 20, Dallas, Texas Jailed After She Murdered Her Cousin For Gas Money Reported by The Weekly vice Kassandra Martinez, a 20-year-old Dallas woman, was jailed Sunday after she repeatedly ran over her cousin with her car during an argument over gas money. She then drove home to get some sleep - obviously tuckered out from all that driving. According to Dallas police, Martinez was at a club with her cousin and her cousin's two sisters when the girls began arguing about where to go next (home or out to eat somewhere). Angry that she wasn't getting her way, Martinez left the club alone with the girls' purses in the trunk of her car. The three girls left behind at the club were forced to find a ride from a friend who was also at the club. During the ride home, the girls noticed that Martinez had stopped off for gas at a local gas station, so they asked the driver to stop and let them out so they could retrieve their purses. That's when Martinez reportedly began arguing with them, demanding that they give her gas money. When the girls refused, Martinez retorted "Well, if that's the way it is..." before backing over her cousin who had been waiting at the rear of the vehicle to get her purse. After backing over the victim, Martinez then put the car into drive and then drove over her cousin a second time. Martinez then drove home to go to bed while her cousin, identified as 24-year-old Yunel Aguilar, was rushed to Parkland Memorial Hospital. She was pronounced dead a short time later. Surveillance video captured from the scene showed the entire incident as it unfolded. Investigators were able to use the video to identify Martinez's VW Passat, which was found at her residence. Martinez was arrested when Aguilar's mother called and convinced her to come up to the hospital. During a police interview, Martinez admitted that she did not have a driver's license, but claimed that she was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol when she ran over her cousin. Martinez was booked into jail and charged with murder. She remains jailed in lieu of $150,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Safe Magnifier Dear Webby, Here is a link to a virtual magnifying glass that is free, does not screw with anything on your desktop, is customizable and once again, free. I have used this magnifier since win98, and never had an issue. http://magnifier.sourceforge.net/ Neil Thanks, Neil! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remembering to Use Coupons Occasionally I have forgotten to use my coupons at the checkout only to remember them when I get home. I've started highlighting the items that I have coupons for on my shopping list with bright neon highlighters, that way they constantly jog my memory as I read my grocery list. By mother of 5 from Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

A pretty girl asked the male clerk at a fabric counter, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " he replied with a smirk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards. With anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing behind her. "Grandma will pay the bill, "she smiled
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it, she starts cussing and throwing stuff."
Forging - Legumes

Today, May 21, in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor.
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, CH
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. 
 They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first 
 national convention.
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the demountable 
 tire-carrying rim.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop 
 airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began May 20.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 fingerprint all of its citizens.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in the 
 Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 men 
 aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub were later 
 found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances at 
 Ohio State University.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by a 
 butyric acid-attacker. 
2013  smiled


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Should you leave USB cables connected? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, May 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960)
Thanks to Penny for this one: WOMAN SUES HOSPITAL A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

>From Davie The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
Thanks to Sue in Saskatchewan for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Oriole Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Golba, 55, Riverside Illinois Jailed After Passing Out Drunk On Top Of Mother, Trapping Her For Hours Reported by The Weekly vice Robert Golba, a 55-year-old Riverside drunk, was jailed Thursday after he passed out drunk on top of his mother - pinning her to the floor for hours. According to Riverside Police, Golba became intoxicated and then passed out on top of his 81-year-old mother. The victim remained trapped under her son for several hours before she was able to get relatives to call police. When officers arrived on the scene, they found the victim still lying on the kitchen floor with her legs entwined with her son's legs as he slept. Investigators say Golba was extremely combative when officers woke him up and took him into custody. According to an order of protection against him, he was not allowed to be inside the residence while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The victim was taken to Loyola University Medical Center, where doctors told her that her hip was broken in three places and required surgery. Golba was taken to McNeal Hospital to be treated for alcohol poisoning. He was charged with one count of felony violation of order of protection. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: USB cables connected Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun letter today. The pic was very nice. You do come up with some beautiful pics. I finally did invest in a digital camera. Have just begun to read the book. I have 2 questions. 1) Would it be ok to connect the usb cable to the pc & leave it plugged in even when not connected to the camera? My connection is at the base of the pc which is on the floor & it is sometimes difficult to get down to connect it. 2) I haven't tried sending the pic to the pc yet so I can email them to family & friends but am curious as to what size would good to send. Some pics I have received have are so big they seem to take so long to download. Any size suggestions? Thanks so much for your help. This will be a new experience for me. Sharon Dear Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure you can leave the cable plugged into the PC. Just put the open end into a cup, in case any chips drip out. Just kidding about anything dripping out, but it's a good idea to put the open end into an empty bud vase or a pencil cup or anything that will securely hold it on the desk. If it falls down on the floor and you drive over the cable end with your chair, the cable is most likely ruined. The best size for mailing pictures is the size I use in the Humor Letter: 600 pixels wide. You can always tell them that, if they want a bigger size for printing it out, to specify what size they want. If they are not going to print it out, then there is no need to slow down the Internet with 3 acre pictures. Once you have a web site, then you can use the same trick as what I use, email a small pictrue with a click-through link to a bigger one. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pinesol To Keep Pests Away Keep a spray bottle of half Pinesol/half water under your sink spray outside garbage cans or anywhere you have a pest problem. Animals like rodents, opossums, raccoons, etc. don't like the smell. By Renee NayNay H. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor. "Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to fifty dollars." "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the fifty on the spot. "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly as he swiftly grabbed the saucer and put it into the sink. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 stray cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!" The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue.."
Forging - Blacksmithing goes Hi-Tech

Today, May 20, in
0325 - The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor 
 Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor.
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France 
 over the town of Gascony.
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty.
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been 
 sent to punish him in Mexico.
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers 
 of James II.
1674 John Sobieski became Polands first King.
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to 
 punish the American colonists for their increasingly 
 anti-British behavior
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare 
 its independence. This is the date that is on the George 
 state flag even though the date of this event has been 
 questioned.
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, 
 England, and Holland.
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde.
1861 North Carolina became the eleventh state to secede from the Union.
1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the 
 Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA.
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets.
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to 
 be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles 
 per hour.
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended.
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain.
1926 The U.S. Congress passed the Air Commerce Act. The act 
 gave the Department of Commerce the right to license pilots 
 and planes.
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the 
 Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. Louis." 
 The trip took 33 1/2 hours.
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible.
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the  Atlantic 
 Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat.
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air.
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma.
1949 DearWebby was born in Rankweil, Austria
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. 
 The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals.
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, 
 which was referred to as Hamburger Hill.
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies 
 in Vietnam.
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to run 
 across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 3,000 miles.
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs.
1993 The final episode of "Cheers" was aired on NBC-TV.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure 
 banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination.
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a funtional 
 synthetic genome.
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from the Muse d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 
2013  smiled


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How do you find lost shortcut icons? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, May 19.
Thanks, Alfred!

Tomorrow we have a stat holiday in Canada. The Monday
closest to my birthday is celebrated with a day off for
cleaning and starting the BBQ after it was allowed to get
dusty and rusty all winter, an increase in gas prices to
coincide with the start of towing boats around, and frantic
shopping for larger size swimwear. Apparently that stuff
shrinks when not worn at least once a week.

It is also the official birthday of the Queen, but few people 
remember that she celebrates her birthday on the Monday 
closest to my birthday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Never fight an inanimate object. --- P. J. O'Rourke
A teenage girl shopped at the mall and stopped at the perfume counter. She sees, "My Sin", "Desire", and "Ecstasy". She says to the salesperson, "I don't want to get emotionally involved or knocked up. I just want to smell nice."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Queen of the night
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephanie Redus, 29, Huffman, TX Pregnant Woman Puts Toddler Son Up For Adoption On Craigslist Reported by The Weekly vice Stephanie Redus, a 29-year-old Huffman woman, has been jailed after she allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist seeking a person who could adopt her toddler son. According to Houston Police, Redus posted the ad on May 1st, stating that she couldn't properly care for her son and was "desperate" to find someone who could. The message Redus posted is as follows: "Hi, I am trying to adopt out my three-year-old son. I'm not in a good place in my life and I don't feel like I can care for him properly, but I don't know where to start. If you or know anyone who is interested in caring for him please let me know. I'm a single mom and can't do this. Thanks, Desperate." An officer found the posted ad and instead of advising her to start with a visit to Social Services, responded to it posing as an interested party. Redus reportedly wrote back and explained that she was looking for someone to adopt her child because she is currently pregnant and unable to take medication that treats her depression and anxiety. Investigators obtained a subpeona for the website and identified Redus as the person who posted the ad. During a police interview, Redus admitted to placing the ad but stated that she never intended to go through with it. She claimed to have spoken with one other interested party. During the conversation she asked the respondent if he/she had any other children and requested that they send her pictures of their home. Redus was booked into jail and charged with misdemeanor advertising for placement of a child. She was freed after posting $1,000 bail. The child was taken into protective custody and then placed with his father. Do-It-Yourself adoption behind the back of Social Services is strictly against the law. Going through them apparently is quick and easy, because they have huge waiting lists of people, who are checked out and eligible to adopt kids. Tech Support Pits From: Edana Re: How do you find lost icons? Dear Webby I was intrigued by your seemingly hateful comments about the Windows Magnifier, and thought, 'Ol DerWebby is just miffed about Microsoft murdering XP, just so that they can sell 4 and 8 GB computers'. So I tried it, since I have less than a hundred icons on my desktop anyway. Well, slap me with wet noodles and bean me with a chamber pot! You were way too diplomatic about that @#$%^&*@#$%!!!!! I have eventually found most icons again and drug them to where they are supposed to be, but some of them seem to be totally missing. Is there a way to make them light up or show targets like the cursor does, when you hit CTRL? When I try making a new shortcut with the same name, it says there is already one with that name. But it does not tell me where! How do I find the lost shortcut icons? And DON'T tell me to sort them alphabetically and trash by careful thematic order! Edana Dear Edana You can't. The lost icons may be outside the visible margin, or there might be some other malfunction going on. Just make a new shortcut and giveit a slightly different name, IF the original shows up again in a year or whenever, then you can dump the second one. You can also make new, high visibility icons. There are lots of free utilities available for making icons. The trick is to NOT get cutesy or artistic, but shoot for maximum visibility. Assign a color for each major theme, then use tha color as the background, and use a letter in a contrasting color on that background. You don't have to stick to prime colors, as long as what you use is contrasting. If you need a program to make icons, write me and I'll send you the one, that I have been using for about 20 years. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Peeling George Foreman Grill I really enjoy my little George Foreman grill, but the Teflon is peeling. I use a piece of lightweight tin foil, big enough to fold over the meat and spray it lightly with oil. Clean-up is a breeze, I just toss the foil afterward. By shirley dobie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard ploughed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Aye," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he nodded and walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw the pest out. "Oh I don't care," the waiter said with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner anyway."
Printed Brick Roads:

Today, May 18, in
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery.
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen of Scots, 
 fled to England where she was imprisoned by Queen Elizabeth.
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for England.
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union of 
 Lutherans and Calvinists.
1643 Delegates from four New England colonies met in Boston 
 to form a confederation.
1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France.
1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called 
 for penalties for hunting or destroying game within 
 Indian territory.
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in 
 service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts.
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William 
 F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer.
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based on 
 fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City.
1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time.
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased. 
 Rome became a fascist state.
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people.
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries in a 
 motorcycle crash in England.
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North American 
 Air Defense Command.
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of "Happy Birthday" 
 for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The event was a fund-raiser at 
 New York's Madison Square Garden.
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had found 
 about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy in Moscow.
1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the United States and 
 Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space.
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time.
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted of 
 smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the United States. 
 Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug cartel.
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and 
 seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband Joey's 
 teen-age lover.
1992 The 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into effect. 
 The amendment prohibits Congress from giving itself midterm 
 pay raises.
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages.
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released in the 
 U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 28.5 million.
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors 
 $500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its 
 $11 billion accounting scandal.
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal 
 letters and humanist essays were make available on the Internet. 
 Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of 
 Jerusalem in his will.
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in 
 50.0 million in its opening day.
2013  smiled


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How to add pictures to email 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, May 17.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. --- Henry Kissinger Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know. --- Marvin Minsky
>From Dave I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it. "Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Brennan, 24, Henderson, Nevada Jailed for Luring Student Into Inappropriate Relationship Reported by The Weekly vice Amanda Brennan, a 24-year-old English teacher at Foothill High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly engaged in an inappropriate relationship with an underage student. According to police, an investigation was launched after the parents of a 15-year-old student contacted a school resource officer and reported that Brennan was pursuing an inappropriate relationship with their son. The boy's parents were further aggravated when Brennan picked the student up from their home and took him to the movies against their wishes. She also reportedly brought the boy back home AFTER his scheduled curfew. When investigators interviewed the student, he told them that he and Brennan loved each other and had kissed and cuddled in the backseat of her car. Detectives also discovered that Brennan and the boy had exchanged more than 1,000 text messages over a 9 day period. Brennan reportedly admitted to taking the student out and communicating with him outside of school. She went on to say that she knew the relationship was wrong, but loved the student and did it anyway. She was immediately placed under arrest. She was booked into the Clark County Detention Center and charged with two counts of luring a child and one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Her bail has been set at $20,000. Is punishment too casual, or are teachers getting dumber? Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: How do you get pictures into email? Dear Webby Since almost everybody does it, it must be fairly simple. How do I get pictures from FaceBook into email? Bill Dear Bill First you have to harvest the picture and store it on your computer. Click the picture you want. Chances are good, that it will open in a fresh page with less distraction. RIGHT-click te picture and select Copy Image. Now you have the picture in the Clipboard memory, and you can paste it from there into an email, or into any graphics program. Click into an already started email at the spot, where you want that picture, and hit CTRL V to paste it. If you want to save the picture, so that you can look at your grand kids without going online and searching for that picture on FaceBook, open any graphics program, and hit CTRL V to paste it as a new picture. Now you can save it by hitting ALT F A, or clicking on FILE Save As typing in a name, and browse to a folder, that you can find easily. You can even make brand new folders at the same time. By default Windows wants to hide your pictures deep down in a wacky labyrith of subdirectories. No, I don't know what they were smoking. Luckily you can browse around in there and go up to the C:\ root directory. Make a New Folder there and call it !PIX The exclamation mark at the front of it will ensure, that in any alphabetical sort, it will be on top and easy to find. If all this sounds intimidating, don't worry. We all had to learn that, and once you have done it a few times, it starts making sense and is actually quite easy. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Lint For Fire Starting Save the lint from the dryer in a plastic container. In the winter months when the wood for the fire gets a little damp, use the lint under the kindling to get it started. Works great! By korlund Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after learning the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees into a separate room under guard. After they rifled the safe and were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed the gag. "Please," whispered the cashier, "take the books, too. I'm $7,500 short."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
33 Facts

Today, May 18, in
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the 
 Flemish oligarchs.
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded.
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole 
 and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will.
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland.
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France.
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the French 
 Senate.
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, 
 which called up soldiers to fight in World War I.
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was finally 
 captured by the Allies in Italy.
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb.
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people 
 were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions 
 of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program.
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip 
 ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and 
 Palestinian authorities took over.
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a 
 sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the 
 computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors 
 which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the 
 software market.
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people and 
 seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation of 
 money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and two 
 drug-smuggling cartels. 
2013  smiled


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Can you adjust the font size on Google Maps? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 17.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Richard!

Pat Cooper pointed out that yesterday's picture was not 
real clouds, but a coputer generated piece of art
created by Damien Harrison


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. --- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor. --- Ring Lardner
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me that he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." And my neighbor said, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mineshaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mineshaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be MY goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derek Lavis, 45, Kalkaska, Mich Jailed After Attempting To Break Girlfriend Out Of Jail Reported by The Weekly vice Derek Lavis, a 45-year-old Michigan man, was jailed Monday after he allegedly tried to free his girlfriend from the county jail by repeatedly ramming his vehicle into its outside wall. According to the Kalkaska County Sheriff's Office, corrections officers were alerted at around 10:30 p.m. Sunday when they heard a loud banging sound against the jail's north-facing wall. When deputies looked to see what was creating the noise, they found a Chevy Suburban that was repeatedly being rammed against the wall. When the driver, later identified as Derek Lavis, saw that he had been spotted, he fled the scene. Detectives say Lavis was attempting to free a woman who was being detained inside the jail. Although Lavis appeared to have known the woman's location inside the jail, the woman has denied having prior knowledge of the jail-break attempt. She has not yet been charged in the case. Lavis was arrested at 9 a.m.. Monday morning after he was located in a wooded area about 12 miles south of the jail. He was booked into jail and charged with attempted aiding of a prisoner escape and malicious destruction of a building. Tech Support Pits From: Len Re: Changing fonts on Google Maps Dear Webby That trick of using Google Maps instead of Google Earth works fine, except for the tiny fonts. Do they write just for little girls, or are their programmers little girls? How can they expect seniors to read the street names? Is there ANY way at all to change the text size? Len Dear Len There is no way, if you use a high resolution monitor. It seems, the little girls with perfect vision, working on old, low resolution monitors, don't give a hoot about seniors. Taking little girls along to read the street names off a printed map is not my style. I prefer big girls. A high quality GLASS magnifying glass is about the only reasonable remedy I have been able to find. Yes, I know, Windows has a built in magnifier. To start it, hit START and type Magnifier. And there IS a secret way to turn it off without tossing the computer out the window: Hold the Windows key and hit the ESC key. Your windows will all be re-arranged, your desktop icons will be totally messed up, and you WILL swear to never EVER use it again, but a magnifier IS available. My recommendation is to use it only on the machine of the person, who persuaded you to get Windows 7. Since I always make a screen shot of maps ALT PrintScreen and paste it into a graphics program with CTRL V, I can magnify it in there, and write the important street names in a font large enough to read off a print while I am driving. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Oil Filter Remover for Big Jar Lids I bought a gallon jar of pickles, but had to wait for my husband to come home to open the jar. My hands just weren't large enough to get a good grip on the lid. Next shopping trip he bought something that is made to loosen oil filters from cars. He found it in the automobile department. It works great on large jar lids, so I no longer have to wait for him to open jars for me! By Kathryn from Virginia There is a jar opener called "Swing Away", that reaches over the top of jars, and that you can hit with a rolling pin, if necessary, to losen the lid. It adjusts for anything from ketchup bottles to gallon pickle jar lids. Then there is the "Baby Boa" rubber belt grip. It is a handle with a slot in it, and a rubber belt, that goes around the jar lid and then into the slot. It too can be used on any size. It is actually more an industrial tool, but works very well in my kitchen. I bought mine about 25-30 years ago at a Dollar Store. With ANY jar opening adventure, put one of those sticky drawer liners into the sink and the jar or bottle on top of that, If the lid suddenly lets go, that trick can avoid pickled beets or salsa all over your clothes and floor. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

Baby camel to his dad, "Dad, why have we got such big feet?" "So that we can carry our masters through the hot shifting sands of the desert where no other animal can go," replied Dad. "Dad, why have we such long spindly legs?" "So that we can carry our masters through all the prickly thorn bushes in the desert without scratching their legs," replied Dad. "Dad, why do we have such big humps on our backs?" "So that we can carry our masters for long distances across the desert without stopping for food or water," replied Dad. "Dad, why our we sitting in the back of this truck, stuck in rush-hour traffic?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the husband says, "You must not be in tune with my emotional state about unbalanced checkbooks and overdrawn VISAs!" Smart guy, that he is, he made sure he was in bed long before her. He did not want to be the one sleeping on the couch.
Disco the Parakeet

Today, May 17, in
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongol Emperor Humayun 
  at Kanauj.
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on 
  Jupiter's surface.
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. 
As a result, England declares war on France.
1756 Britain declared war on France again, beginning the 
  French and Indian War.
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.
1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was 
  installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to 
 "Puerto Rico."
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the 
  invasion of France.
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's 
  railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers 
  and trainmen.
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
  after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former 
  Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance 
  executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in 
  the rioting.
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark 
  in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and 
  the United States called the attack a mistake.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring 
 neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. 
 Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was 
 raped and killed in 1994.
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea 
for the first time since 1953.
2013  smiled


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Can you change the route on Google Earth? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, May 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963)
>Thanks to jkabb34 for this one: An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Fighting and yelling was heard at all times of the day and night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98. His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know he won't ask for directions."
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one." The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? What do they mean when they say 'NOTHING, YOU MORON!' Basically, what makes them tick?" The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "Stuff me back into my bottle."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to (Picture is of a previously arrested sex offender named Kerry Lee Bobo, might be a different Kerry Lee Bobo) Kerry Lee Bobo, 53, from Atwater, California Jailed for foil wrapped gun in luggage Reported by The Smoking Gun MAY 13--A man who apparently thought that a pistol wrapped in aluminum foil would be undetectable to airport X-ray machines is facing a federal criminal charge for allegedly trying to smuggle the loaded weapon on a flight from San Francisco to Europe. Kerry Lee Bobo, 53, was planning to fly last Thursday afternoon to Amsterdam when Transportation Safety Administration screeners noticed what appeared to be a handgun in a checked suitcase, according to a U.S. District Court complaint. When federal agents opened Bobos luggage they found a loaded Sig Sauer .45-caliber handgun wrapped in aluminum foil and a taser. They then boarded Bobos KLM flight and escorted the Atwater, California resident from the aircraft. During questioning, Bobo said that he was continuing on to Nairobi from Amsterdam and had packed the gun to protect himself from animals while in Kenya. Bobo, who was traveling alone, claimed that he had encased the weapon in aluminum foil to thwart airport baggage personnel from stealing it. Investigators were not buying that explanation. In a sworn affidavit, a Homeland Security agent reported that, I know that some people believe--incorrectly--that aluminum foil can somehow block x-ray and other security screening devices. Investigators concluded that Bobo wrapped the firearm in foil to conceal the handgun and prevent its discovery. Charged with a felony carrying a maximum of ten years in prison, Bobo was released from custody last Friday on a $50,000 unsecured bond. He is scheduled for a May 31 preliminary hearing. In the 80's and 90's, before the Tourism Suppression Agency got so fanatically hysterical, I think they were called FATASS in those days, it was a common joke to wrap a vibrator in alu foil, to ENSURE it showed up in the scanner, and slip it into people's carry-on luggage to cause them a lot of embarrassment. It was so common, that during busy times the screeners just grinned and ignored the obvious bait. Bobo must have just fallen off the turnip wagon. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Adjusting route on Google Earth Dear Webby Google Earth has much better mapping than Mapquest, but there seems to be be no way to adjust a route. Sometimes the route it shows is OK, but quite often it is not. If I want to take fast roads, that are a bit further, instead of zig-zagging through unsafe neighborhoods, HOW do I adjust the route? And is there a way to change the route color? George Dear George You can't. To adjust the route, you have to get out of Google Earth, open either AOL's Mapquest or Google Maps. On those two you hover anywhere on the route until you see a button, then you can drag that button to where you want the route to be. The procedure is identical, including the hard to see blue route line. Neither of them is willing to change the route line to an easier to see color. They just have dumb excuses why it can't be done. I take a screen-shot and then do a color replacement, and change the blue line to red. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Jars to Your Shelves When you have loads of small things to store in your shed or workshop, such as nails, screws, etc, here's a cool tip: Save jam jars and screw the lids to the underside of your workshop shelves. You can see what is in the jars and screw/unscrew the jar of your choice. Just make sure your shelf is secure and sturdy enough to take the extra weight. By Chickybiker After the log house I had finished building a few months earlier burned down two days before Christmas 1978, I spent a few years living in a wall tent in the Yukon, saving money and building a new house. In that wall tent I used the same trick with the jars, except I screwed the lids to a 4x4, with a sturdy screw in each end, resting in a clothes hanger loop. Don't use just any jar, make sure they are all the same size so that any jar fits into any lid, because you are bound to re-organize them for different projects. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

A mother had three very active boys. One summer evening, she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead!" She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A four year old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up and announced, "I'm going to look just like you, mommy!" Her mother said, "Maybe, when you grow up." "No, mommy, tomorrow. I'm just gonna put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' that you always use."
Painted Desert

Today, May 16, in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King Louis XVI 
 of France, who was 15.
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set up 
 the Afghan state.
1881 In Germany the first electric tram for the public 
 started service.
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc 
 was demonstrated by Emile Berliner.
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway.
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic tape recorder.
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in California, 
 demonstrated the first working laser.
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, 
 ending Project Mercury.
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus.
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach 
 the summit of Mount Everest.
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 tons 
  of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search of a place 
  to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor after 8 weeks 
  with the same load.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have to have 
 a search warrant to search discarded garbage.
1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy officer, 
 died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after some of his military 
 awards were called into question.
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of the country 
 to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated to run for 
 U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S. first lady to run 
 for public office.
2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new PlayStation 3 
 video game machine.
2013  smiled


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Storebought McAfee 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, May 15

Thanks, Steve!
Is there any special religious significance to $6.66 ?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions-- as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful National Popcorn Day in my life!"
THE 30 MOST COMMON PC ISSUES AND FIXES This book includes the best solutions posted on the Internet (blogs,forums,manuals,etc) combined with the 10 years of PC repair experience of the author Sebastian Nesh. It can be used anytime by anyone. No specialized knowledge required. You don't need to be tech guy to use this book! Get the FIXES!

>From Nanarina (in the USA) THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT... Women are having sex with their husbands and boyfriends because they can't afford batteries. Jury duty is now considered a good-paying job. Banks are now mailing us pre-declined credit cards. African TV now shows "sponsor an American child" commercials. CEO's are playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen. ATMs now give IOUs! A stripper was bruised when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies. Mormon polygamists now have only one wife. If the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds", you ask if they mean you or them. McDonald's is now selling a quarter-ouncer. Beverly Hills parents are firing their nannies and learning their children's names. Hookers offer discounts for johns paying with Canadian Dollars A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico. A picture is now worth only 200 words. They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street". Hookers accept food stamps Church ushers have car-hop style coin dispensers to give change for a Dollar
Click on the picture for the large version Over the CO2 Quota! Naughty volcano!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mohammed Ahmed,21, from Illinois Man Celebrates Wedding By Getting Arrested For Soliciting Hooker On His Honeymoon Reported by The Smoking Gun 21-year-old Mohammed Ahmed was one of scores of men arrested in a prostitution sweep conducted last week by the Polk County Sheriffs Office in Florida. According to investigators, the alleged john answered an online ad posted by an undercover detective posing as a hooker. Seen in the mug shot, Ahmed was arrested when he arrived for his paid liaison. Ahmed, an Illinois resident, was in the Sunshine State on his honeymoon when he was busted for soliciting prostitution and pot possession. When Ahmed did not return to his bride at the Omni Hotel, she called police to report him missing. The woman was subsequently told by cops that her husband was not MIA, that he had been arrested for seeking to pay for sex from a hooker. Was he trying to get a second, and possibly less critical opinion? Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Long Lasting McAfee? Dear Webby Did McAfee make an edition with a shelf life? What about Kapersky? Steve Dear Steve The dusty "stroeboughts" are mainly just a coupon to download the current version. Usually the "stroeboughts" also have some VERY basic anti-virus stuff on it, mainly to kill viruses, that prevent you from downloading name brand anti-virus programs and updates. The CD kills those, and cleans up the "Hosts" file, and directs you to McAfee.com. There is very little actual difference between Kasperki and McAfee. One week one of them is a hair ahead, the next week the other one. They both use Taliban for tech support, and both of them seem to be too big to be genuinely interested in customer service. However, even with those shortcomings, they are a class better than Norton or all the free ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Bottles for Patio Chairs I was given some old patio chairs that are very sturdy. I love them, however they are rusted on the bottoms of the chair legs. I went and recycled some bottoms of those plastic soda bottles and put them under chair legs. They don't make an annoying sound when I move them on the patio and the kids feet don't get near the bottoms of the chair legs. By Eric W. If you scrub the rusty chair legs with CocaCola and crumpled Alumin foil, that will s crub off the loose rust and turn the solid rust into Iron Phosphate. You can also buy Phosphoric Acid from the better drug stores. Iron Phosphate is, chemically speaking, a salt, and can not oxidize or decay further. It looks, surprise, surprise, battleship-gray. After that, you can paint it any color you want. Instead of bottle bottoms, that will trap moisture, it is better to glue buttons cut from old leather soled shoe soles onto the feet for easy and quiet sliding. Regular, cheap Contact Cement works well. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Grow food with a minimum amount of work in a minimum amount of space with Food4Wealth. Absolutely everything you need to know to grow healthy, fresh organic food, without all the problems. Finally, a method of growing food that is reliable. It also produces an abundance of food and is easy to understand. This package includes a fully illustrated step by step manual, PLUS AudioBook and over 60 minutes of video. Get your veggies on your balcony or back yard, and stop worrying about harmful chemicals! Get Food4Wealth Now! 60 day money back guarantee!

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my neighbor's wife said, "but I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," she replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Speaking of cakes,... Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, THE CAKE was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."
Nature's Impressionistic Talents

Today, May 15, in
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1618 Johannes Kepler discovered his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa, shortly before Napoleon was born.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder.
1926 Roald Amundsen and Lincoln Ellsworth were forced down 
 in Alaska after a four-day flight over an icecap. Ice had 
 begun to form on the dirigible Norge.
1930 Ellen Church became the first airline stewardess.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
 3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, Iraq 
 and Lebanon only hours after declaring its independence.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island 
 in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched 
 in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first two 
 female generals.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer 
 in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. 
 Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the 
 United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by 
 implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000 
 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for 
 more than eight years.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to 
 deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh American 
 astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough votes 
 to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 
2013  smiled


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