Forged FROM line in email 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 6.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio man who tried impersonating a cop in Florida Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, Canadian and British troops were involved.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The big thieves hang the little ones. --- Czech Proverb They certainly give very strange names to diseases. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)
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Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since."
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Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him what three things he worried him most. He answered: "Obama, Taliban, and Yo Mama."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael McMahon, 20, of Ohio Fake officer accused of pulling over a real one, ST. AUGUSTINE, Florida: Police say a man impersonating an officer faces charges after signaling a real detective to pull over on a road in Florida. St. Johns County authorities say 20-year-old Matthew Michael Lee McMahon activated a red and blue light Monday while driving behind an unmarked sheriff's car. Detective Chance Anderson pulled over and was shocked to see an unknown face behind the wheel of the other car. First Coast News reports that during his more than 10 years of service the detective has arrested several police impersonators. But none had ever ordered him to stop his car. McMahon is charged with impersonating an officer and unlawfully displaying blue lights. He was released Tuesday after posting $5,500 in bail. Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: Fake FROM line in email Dear Webby Hope this mail comes with you in good health. I have a question about spam. I keep getting e-mails that the come from from (Intuit.com) but with another person is in the From: line. For example: Solar America (info@intuit.com). If I run the mouse over the first part Solar America the little info box comes up saying info@intuit.com. My spam catcher dose put these in the junk mail but I would like to know how that is done. Sometimes I bounce it back them. Thanks for all your hard work putting this page, my first stop in the AM. Jack Dear Jack You can put anything you want into the FROM line. President of the Universe pres@universe.com whatever you want. Most email programs don't care or have a setting allowing you to change the FROM line. The spammers just forge the info@intuit.com sender address. Just make a filter to dump anything, that contains Solar America and/or intuit.com Bouncing mail like that is useless, since intuit.com is really not interested in that and probably use MailWasher to get rid of that crap. unseen, right on the server. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chain Clothes Drying Line I use lengths of painted, rustproof chain instead of cotton or nylon cord on my clothesline poles. Then I hang the clothing on hangers and put on the line. When they're dry, all I have to do is hang them in the closet! Towels can be hung the usual way, with clips. By Beth from Danvile, OH I use regular plastic sleeved steel cable clothesline with clothesline pulleys on the deck and on the garage. I drive my laundry cart out onto the deck, hang clothes and just push the line along until all the space between the deck and the garage is filled. For hangers I just put clothes pegs onto them. They lock them securely and they never slide. Have FUN DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Advice to aspiring newsletter writers: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalise. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And the last one... 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
A Mother's Dictionary... Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own. Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms. Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. Show off: A child who is more talented than yours. Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. Verbal: Able to whine in words Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

» Aviary at La Paz

Today in 
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India.
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at 
 Stony Creek, Ontario.
1833 Andrew Jackson became the first U.S. president to 
 ride in a train. It was a B&O passenger train.
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely.
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was 
 an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts.
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler.
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went 
 into effect. It was a penny per gallon.
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened.
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in 
 Berlin, Germany.
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign 
 ships in U.S. ports.
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray 
 in Hartford, CT.
1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle 
 of Midway. The battle had begun on June 4.
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches 
 of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, Canadian and
 British troops were involved.
1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in 
 Los Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy 
 was was shot the evening before while campaigning for 
 the Democratic presidential nomination.
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive 
 PLO guerrillas out of Beirut.
1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was 
 located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was 
 known as the "Angel of Death."
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections.
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal 
 authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana 
 on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical 
 marijuana laws did not protect users from the federal ban 
 on the drug.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail eats newsletters 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 5


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Airline Passenger, who was Arrested After Saying, 'I Kill White People Like You' Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading" --- Thomas Jefferson According to a new medical study, barbecuing is bad for your prostate. Well, I'm glad they got this out in time. I was going to barbecue my prostate this weekend. I had no idea it's bad for it. --- Jay Leno As kids, instead of building sandcastles, we'd make sand sculptures of naked women. It was tricky though, cause we didn't know what naked women looked like. I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. I was 24 before I saw a woman with her coat off. I thought a cardigan was an erogenous zone. --- Craig Ferguson You can't really fight for peace, but we intend to make sure that from now on the inevitable hostilities take place on their turf, and not on ours. --- G.W. Bush
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Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered, "A good lawyer."
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Thanks to Kim for this story: I'd had a pretty hectic day with my three-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law: "We're getting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and I heard her say, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have moms and dads." Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Riley Allen Mullins, 28, Port Orchard, Washington Airline Passenger, who was Arrested After Saying, 'I Kill White People Like You' Lashonda Lee Williams was arrested after allegedly saying 'I kill white people like you.' A 43-year-old woman is being charged with assault after allegedly making threatening comments on a United Airlines flight. According to a court affidavit obtained by The Huffington Post, Lashonda Lee Williams was asked to turn off her phone shortly after takeoff on a flight from Nashville, Tennessee, to Houston on Sunday. Williams allegedly responded by saying, “I kill white people like you," Williams allegedly told a female passenger that she would follow her once the flight reached Houston in order to find out where she lived. The affidavit notes the woman feared for her safety. The plane returned to Nashville shortly after takeoff. Once there, Williams was arrested and charged with assault. Davidson County Sheriff’s Office records state Williams was released Sunday night. She was let out on $3,000 bond, reports note. She is scheduled for a court appearance on June 25. Tech Support Pits From: Sig Re: Gmail eats newsletters Dear Webby for a long time you have brought a smile to me every day. Thank you for your great efforts in the news letter. I hope everything went OK in your recent invasive procedure. Recently your newsletter arrives in my email and within five seconds it disappears. Ophelia's letter does not disappear so I have to click in her letter for your letter. It shows and stays open in my browser. I thought to bring this to your attention. Sig Dear Sig Yes, the colonoscopy went OK. They clipped five polyps and sent them to some lab for analysis. Re newsletter disappearing, that might be related to the current malfunctions at Gmail. Check in the SPAM and the TRASH. The remedy is the same as what I have been recommending for years. Make a filter. That is why I have used a consistent subject line long before there was a Gmail. It always starts with "Humor: " Without the quotes, of course. Also, the FROM has always been humor@webby.com You can use the subject line or the FROM for a filter. Tell the filter to never put it into SPAM, and mark it as Important. That usually does the trick. There is no point writing to Gmail. The girl, who knew how to read mail, seems to have left. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Ice Cream from Freezer Burn This is a great and simple tip to save your ice cream from getting frostbitten. Get a freezer zip lock bag and place your ice cream container in it and seal it. And there you go, it is something so simple and will help save your ice cream. By Teresa L S. [16] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade. "For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but fuchsias thrive in the shade." After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him. "Your sermon did me so much good," she said. Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. ------- I know some clients like that.

» Umbrellas

Today in 
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of 
 Fontaine-Francaise.
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to 
 demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
 Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving 
 in any foreign armed forces.
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans.
1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment 
 of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era."
1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. 
 The charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 stored.
1884 U.S. Civil War General William T. Sherman refused 
 the Republican presidential nomination, saying, "I will 
 not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected."
1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft.
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first 
 facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean.
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. 
 off of the gold standard.
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when 
 Germany began an offensive in Southern France.
1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers 
 that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans.
1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line 
 in Bangkok, Thailand.
1946 The first medical sponges were first offered for sale 
 in Detroit, MI.
1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech 
 at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the 
 Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and 
 Jordan began.
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, 
 eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war 
 with Israel.
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention 
 reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a 
 rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. 
 They were the first recognized cases of what came to be known 
 as AIDS.
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton 
 of selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced 
 to three life prison terms plus 10 years.
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory 
 near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and 
 idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks.
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor 
 Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
1998 C-Span reported that Bob Hope had died. The report was 
 false and had begun with an inaccurate obituary on the 
 Associated Press website.
2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal 
 computers later in the year.
2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy 
in Groton, CT.
2014  smiled.


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Replacement printer 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 4.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Bozo, who robbed woman's ipod, then friended her on facebook the next day Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. --- Steven Weinberg (1933 - ) Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
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>From Nanarina As a crowded United Airlines plane is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man with a baseball cap that said Viet Nam Vet on it slowly walked forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken man leaned down and, motioning toward his chest, whispered something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calmed down, gently took his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the old vet slowly made his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, Sir," she asked quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little devil?" The old man smiled serenely and gently confided, "I showed him my old helicopter pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose. That did the trick"
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>From Nanarina THE LUCKY LOTTO WINNER At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?” I’d take my half and leave you” she says. “Great” he says. “Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.”
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Riley Allen Mullins, 28, Port Orchard, Washington Bozo robs woman's ipod, then friends her on facebook the next day Authorities say that a 28-year-old man suspected of robbing a woman at a Washington ferry terminal friended her on Facebook the next day. The Kitsap Sun reports Saturday that Riley Allen Mullins was charged Friday in Kitsap District Court with second-degree robbery. Authorities say a woman was sitting at the Bremerton ferry terminal on Tuesday using her headphones when she was struck on the head from behind. After being struck, a man grabbed her iPod and purse and ran. She didn't recognize the man but noticed a tattoo of a triangle on his neck. The next day, the woman received a Facebook friend request and recognized the sender as the man who robbed her. Investigators confirmed the Facebook account belonged to Mullins, and they noted a profile picture of Mullins showing the triangle neck tattoo. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Which printer? Dear Webby, Webby, Hope everything worked out OK for you today (pardon the pun). Would like your sage advice once again... My multipurpose (scan, copy, print) inkjet printer is not well. Ink even from Atlantic is not worth the investment considering how often I have to clean print head and the ink runs out. It is an Epson 7800 and was a gift many years ago. I would like advice on a multipurpose laser printer and where is best place to purchase. It does not need to be a color printer and it does not get much use in copying or scanning but is nice to have rather than go to a store to copy. It is for personal use and only occasionally has to print 50 pages at a time. Normally just a few. Best Regards Frank Dear Frank Keep the relic for scanning and faxing, and get yourself a cheap black Laser printer. Dell sells black laser printers for about the same as a decent color ink-jet. Even color laser printers have become quite affordable. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Steel Wool Pads in a Jar I keep my used pad in a small jar with a lid. I had accidentally pushed a pad in a jar to the back of my cabinet and a few months later when I discovered it, it was still unrusted and usable. Source: My Mom Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few... "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck."
Thanks to Dianne for this story: The other day, my wife and I were discussing clothes for awhile, and then she said she was going to visit the local Super-Store. Did I want anything from there while she was shopping there. I replied, "Yes, honey... I could use a new G-string." She looked at me kinda oddly, and went to the store. When she got back, she presented me with a g-string made for women to wear (who dance at bars) to avoid 100% exposure. "Here," she said, "I hope this is what you are looking for!" I replied to her, "Yeah, baby -- that is JUST what I needed! Now, show me how to put it on my guitar and tune it!"

» Polydactyl Stars

Today in 
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu 
 after a six month siege.
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him 
 as a hostage.
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a 
 hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and 
 reached a height of 8,500 feet.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after 
 conflicts over tributes, that should have stopped pirating,
 but didn't, until the US Navy shelled them for a week.
1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the 
 Missouri Territory.
1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was 
 the first stately, double-decker steamboat.
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain.
1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his 
 new car in Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a 
 "Quadricycle."
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1918 French and American troops halted Germany's 
 offensive at Chateau-Thierry, France.
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill.
1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in 
 New York City in memory of all New York soldiers who 
 died in World War I.
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William 
 Swan in Atlantic City, NJ.
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown 
 and Edward Pollard.
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan 
 Goldman in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding 
 chair that had been mounted on wheels.
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 
 troops at Dunkirk, France.
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major 
 victory for America over Japan during World War II. 
 The battle ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion 
 in the Pacific.
1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military 
 coup that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo.
1944 U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by 
 the U.S. Navy.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, 
 which began the liberation of the Italian capital.
1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president.
1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley 
 Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United 
 States to intervene in labor disputes.
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier 
 Buu Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete 
 independence" to Vietnam.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery 
 shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to 
 the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the 
 Texas Rangers.
1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an 
 aviator with the U.S. Army.
1984 For the first time in 32 years, Arnold Palmer failed 
to make the cut for the U.S. Open golf tournament.
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily 
 minute of silence in public schools.
1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence 
 analyst, pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. 
 He was sentenced to life in prison.
1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited 
 the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants. 
 It was known as the "deep pockets law."
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square 
 to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that 
 hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed.
1992 The U.S. Postal Service announced that people preferred 
 the "younger Elvis" stamp design in a nationwide vote.
2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that 
 would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote.
2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 
 1 million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order 
 of the Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21.
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries 
 to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store. 
2014  smiled.


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Is 123 card mail legit? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 3.

Thank you Moe!

By the time you read this, I am on my way to Calgary 
for a colonoscopy. 


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 19 year old of Snohomish, Washington, who claimed that he caused the 3 car crash in the tunnel because he fainted from holding his breath for 10 seconds. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. --- Russell Baker (1925 - )
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Murphy man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and steal one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, Murphy met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left me hat!"
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How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Click on the picture for the large version From the Metro Sun
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Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel J. Calhon, 19, of Snohomish, Washington Bozo caused 3 car accident in tunnel and claims he fainted from holding his breath A 19-year-old man told investigators he caused a three-car crash when he fainted while holding his breath as he drove through a tunnel northwest of Portland, Oregon State Police said. Daniel J. Calhon, of Snohomish, Washington, instead of admitting to what he did, told investigators he fainted Sunday afternoon while holding his breath in the Highway 26 tunnel near the community of Manning, according to a news release. His car, a 1990 Toyota Camry, drifted across the centerline and crashed head-on with a Ford Explorer. Both vehicles struck the tunnel walls before a pickup hit the Camry. Calhon and his passenger, 19-year-old Bradley Meyring, of Edmonds, Washington, suffered non-life-threatening injuries, as did the two people in the Explorer: Thomas Hatch Jr., 67, and Candace Hatch, 61, from Astoria. All four were taken to hospitals. The two people in the pickup were not hurt. Calhon was cited for reckless driving, three counts of reckless endangerment and fourth-degree assault in Washington County Circuit Court. The tunnel, called the Dennis L. Edwards Tunnel, was completed in 1940 and carries the highway through the Northern Oregon Coast Range mountains. It’s 772 feet long, meaning that a car traveling at the posted speed limit of 55 mph would get through it in about 10 seconds. State Police Lt. Gregg Hastings said Monday he’s not sure why Calhon was holding his breath. “It is odd,” he said. It is doubtful that anybody believes him that he can cause himself to faint by holding his breath for 10 seconds, but there is apparently no proof, that he was texting or taking pictures. Tech Support Pits From: Nina Re: is 123 ecard legit? Dear Webby, I got this in my email. Is it legit? ---------- Subject: Unread e-card From: ecard@123greetings.com Easily go to http://goo.gl/Gf6IsH so you may accept the greeting e-card ----------- Nina Dear Nina NO! Delete that, and delete it out of the trash. If you click on that, you give control of your computer to some hacker. If there is an attachment with that email, DON'T click on it. Hunt it down by hovering over the attachment and seeing it's location on your machine. Search for it and delete it, and then delete it out of the trash, to make sure nobody clicks on it out of curiosity. Some dimwit recommended disconnecting your modem and then trying those attachments. He probably got a candy-bar from a hacker to write that totally idiotic recommendation. Those trojans don't require the machine to be online. They just take control of your machine, and lurk in the dark. Then some day, when the machine is online and not busy, for example, when a screen saver is running, THEN the hackers will use your machine to send spam or participate in attacking some site. After that, they start using your machine more and more, without your knowledge or permission. All you will notice is a general slowdown. Be VERY careful with that kind of stuff! There IS a legitimate 123 card site, but they don't send you to a weird address like that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Onion to BBQ Coals Save onion peels to toss onto hot coals when grilling. They will add extra flavor to your grilled foods. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellants, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants. "Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a bit skeptical. "Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!"
>From Erika A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"

» Polydactyl Stars

Today in 
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized 
 Antioch, Turkey.
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain.
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for 
 New Netherlands (now known as New York).
1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army 
 to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775, the 
 Second Continental Congress had created the Continental Army for 
 purposes of common defense and this event is considered to be the 
 birth of the United States Army.
1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President 
 to live in what later became the capital of the United States.
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in 
 the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution.
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team 
 to wear uniforms.
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine.
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany.
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote.
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, 
 married Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art."
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp 
 in South Korea was put down by American troops.
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a 
 "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first 
 synthesis of a gene from chemical components.
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to began a 
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy 
 demonstrations in Tiananmen Square.
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international 
 peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes 
 would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn 
 from Kosovo.
2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year 
agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider 
for all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores.
2014  smiled.


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Taskbar moved! How to get it back? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 2.

Thank you James!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a S.C. woman for threatening to "shoot up" a Burger King because of a stale Cinnamon bun. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam.
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If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld (1932 - )
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A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
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Thanks to Erik for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all cool- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!"
Click on the picture for the large version Mandarin Duck
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Ann McCullough, 33, Mount Pleasant, SC Woman Arrested For Threatening To Shoot Up A Burger King Over Stale Cinnabon Roll South Carolina police today announced the arrest of a woman who allegedly threatened to “shoot everyone” at a Burger King after she received a stale Cinnabon roll earlier this month. Andrea Ann McCullough, 33, was nabbed yesterday on a misdemeanor assault charge in connection with the May 13 incident at the eatery in Mount Pleasant, a Charleston suburb. According to police, McCullough quarreled with Burger King workers when she discovered that her Cinnabon roll was not fresh. The 7 PM dispute escalated, a patron told cops, when McCullough threatened, “I’m going to shoot down the place.” While saying this, McCullough "had her hand inside a black purse," the witness added. After employees said they were calling police, McCullough and two female companions fled the restaurant’s parking lot in a Dodge Charger. McCullough’s eventual apprehension was aided by Burger King workers who were able to record the getaway car’s license plate number. Seen in the above mug shot, McCullough was freed from custody yesterday after posting $10,000 bail. If convicted of the assault count, McCullough faces a maximum of three years in state prison. Burger King’s web site reports that the Cinnabon "Minibon" roll is “Available in 1pc, 2pc and 4 pc” and "baked fresh daily." The dessert is described as “Warm dough filled with Makara Cinnamon, topped with rich cream cheese frosting.” Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: The task bar moved! Dear Webby, When turning on my computer my task bar that was on the bottom is now on top, how can I get it back to normal. Thank you so much for your help. Rose Dear Rose Just grab an empty grey space in the task bar with the mouse, and drag it to the bottom. It won't follow like when dragging an icon, but act like it was stuck, until your cursor gets to the bottom, then it will snap to the bottom. Move all icons well out of the way, otherwise it will kick them to unexpected and hard to find places. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Deodorant Time to Dry Give your deodorant time to dry before you get dressed. I get out of bed, make a pot of tea, and shower. I put on the deodorant. Then I sit and drink the tea (in bed). A lovely treat in the morning! When the tea is finished, the deodorant is dry and I can put clothes on. The deodorant is more effective when it has had time to dry, and does not absorb into the clothes. By Julia in UK [6] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Jake I had moved to South Carolina from New York, and at that time a vehicle inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous; my car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn. Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the three-dollar fee. I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do?" I asked. He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you?"
>From Maryann A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

» American State Flowers:

Today in 
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists 
 to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". 
 It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against 
 the French Republic.
1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in 
 Bombay, India.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law 
 prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was 
 played in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio was patented in the U.S.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York 
 Journal as saying "the report of my death was an 
 exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that 
 he had died.
1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly 
 non-stop and double cross the English Channel.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship 
 by the U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby 
 to be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the 
 first swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic 
 instead of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at 
 Westminster Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there 
 were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons 
 plants.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon 
 and started sending photographs back to Earth of the 
 Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors 
 to the public.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the 
 destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of 
 South Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on 
 the first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger 
 with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was 
 shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to 
 settle charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act 
 abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education 
 program by requiring that all children be taught in English.
1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) 
 won a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed 
 Nelson Mandela as the nation's president.
2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies 
 to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting 
 combinations in the same city. The previous ownership 
 restrictions had not been altered since 1975.
2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed 
 remains of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests 
 to determine whether the bones were really those of the 
 explorer. The tests were aimed at determining if Colombus 
 was currently buried in Spain's Seville Cathedral or in 
 Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not 
 be sued under a trademark law for using information in the 
 public domain without giving credit to the originator.
 The case had originated with 20th Century Fox against 
 suing Dastar Corp. over their use of World War II footage. 
2014  smiled.


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Weird charaters in email 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 1.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Man who shot and killed his partner in crime during botched robbery Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year later the FCC made this a standard.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. --- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) "Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military, are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged." --- President Abraham Lincoln Why not all three? Iraq has good gallows technology and plenty of gallows.
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A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run like hell!"
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The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased; what an honest man he was, what a loving husband and kind father he had been. The widow, meanwhile was ever so slightly shaking her head, as she intently listened to the preacher's words. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children: "Erica, honey, go on up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa in there."
Click on the picture for the large version
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Exzadrian Oneal Jefferson, 23, Dallas, Texas Man who shot and killed his partner in crime during botched robbery Maybe we don’t need firearms to protect ourselves from criminals. That is, as long as we get more thugs like Exzadrian Oneal Jefferson who shot and killed his friend as they attempted an armed robbery on Sunday. Jefferson and his partner in crime, known only as Brightmon, were living Obama’s dream at 4:00 am in Dallas, TX. Empowered by the president’s equality push, they decided to bypass Congress and speed up the redistribution of wealth process by liberating some funds from the “haves.” This being the wee hours of the morning there weren’t too many overly privileged individuals milling about so they settled on a trio of persons drinking alcohol in a parking lot. The two modern day Robin Hoods approached the group of drinkers. Brightmon pulled out his gun and pulled the trigger. At this point, this seems less like an attempted robbery and more like an attempted murder, but who am I to argue semantics? In any case, the gun failed to fire. At this point, the three drunks bum rushed the would-be robbers and started beating the hell out of them. In the melee, Jefferson gained control of the gun, which had been miraculously restored to functioning condition. He fired off a shot, hitting his homeboy Brightmon center mass right in the chest. Brightmon would later die at the hospital, no doubt thinking that they should have spent more time on the planning stage of their big heist. Jefferson fled the scene in a panic, but after several hours of introspection, decided that maybe crime is not what he was meant to do. He thought about his four burglary convictions, his theft conviction, his marijuana possession conviction and his trespassing conviction. Then he considered how his probation was revoked on a felony robbery case and his pending felony drug and theft charges. All by the age of 23! Realizing that he shot and killed his friend in one of the worst robbery attempts ever was enough to convince Jefferson that his chosen vocation was a mistake. Later on Sunday, he walked into a Dallas police station and turned himself in where he was charged with murder. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Weird characters in email A good morning Webby, A day without Webby's newsletter is not a good day. I enjoy the humor and also often in need of tech support. Two questions today on my Eudora. First, there are some emails that come to me and some of the punctuation marks don't show but may have other "stuff" instead. Example Sable Creek Golf Course, Inc.  This only happens once in a while, not sure what to do about it. Might there be a setting that needs changed? Second questions, once in a while I get this screen and the Eudora is "frozen" for a short while. Jim Dear Jim That "stuff" is called Microslop, and is due to somebody sending mail from within Microsoft WORD. They use cutesy punctuation marks like the wacky left and right leaning quote marks. They show when THEY print the stuff, but any other times it coems out as Microslop. There is nothing you can do about it, except pity the dumb sloppers, whose emails appear sloppy, no matter who they write to. They COULD change a setting in their WORD, but that would require reading the instructions. Question #2 is due to a fragmented hard drive and too long access times. Use Defraggler, a cousin of CrapCleaner. The first time it will take a long time to defrag the entire drive, so let it run while you are away. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Water Down Summer Drinks During the summer, I make my own ice cubs out of tea, lemonade, and leftover fruits and juices. I then use them in ice tea or fruit drinks instead of ice cubes made from water. As they melt, it makes your drink more flavorful instead of getting watery. My favorite is fruit bits and juices added to ice tea. Makes good peach tea, raspberry tea, cherry tea and more. By April [171] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too," he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand of them."
I was killing time waiting for a friend and browsing in a souvenir shop at the mall entrance, when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead. "Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now."

» Piccadilly Circus

Today in 
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at 
 the Fairfax Court House, Virginia.
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric 
 voting machine.
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico.
1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England.
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were killed.
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had 
 produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year 
 association with Disney.
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time.
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight 
 from Chicago to New York.
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete 
 as the Allied evacuation ended.
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to 
 the Soviet Union.
1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded 
 message from the British that the D-Day invasion 
 was imminent.
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico.
1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket 
 made its debut.
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France.
1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois 
 were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year 
 later the FCC made this a standard.
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction 
 that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama.
1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as 
 Rhodesia.
1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights 
 activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned 
 until 1986.
1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American 
 embassy in Moscow.
1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first 
 all-news station.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for 
 the AIDS virus.
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear 
 Tire & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards blacks.
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft 
 to scoop Martian soil.
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing 
 made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter bankruptcy 
 protection.
2014  smiled.


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FireFox Bookmark Tips 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 31.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh man, who got lost after a burglary, andcalled 911 for help. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
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Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948),
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Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." Close enough for politics.
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It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"
Click on the picture for the large version A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew James Joffe, 24, 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Floriduh A man with a warrant called 911 to report himself lost; stolen property found in his backpack 24-year-old Andrew James Joffe of 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Florida called the PCSO Emergency Communications Center through 9-1-1 at about 1:50 a.m. this morning to say that he was lost and being chased by wild hogs. He said that he did not know exactly where he was, but that he was walking somewhere along Deen Still Road. Deputies responded to the area and were able to locate Joffe, safe, on Deen Still Road near Sweet Hill Rd, several miles west of US 27. Deputies soon discovered that Joffe had an open warrant for driving with a suspended/revoked driver's license. He was taken into custody. As Joffe's backpack was being inventoried for safe keeping, the deputy found items ranging from electronic equipment, cell phones, ear rings and a GPS device. The GPS was turned on and a "home address" was programmed in the GPS. The home address was not Joffe's; it was a home on Cheshire Way, Davenport, several miles north on US 27, where it was determined that the resident was a victim of a burglary from her car­she was missing her GPS device. Upon questioning, Joffe admitted to deputies that he illegally entering the vehicle and took the GPS. The deputy added two charges, burglary-conveyance and petit theft, and transported him to the jail in Bartow. "We have had people with warrants call us to turn themselves in before, but it's unusual for someone with an active warrant, who just burglarized a car, to get lost and call us for help. In his defense, it does get pretty dark out on Deen Still Road in the middle of the night." --Grady Judd, Sheriff Tech Support Pits From: Enna Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks Dear Webby How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and send them to a clickable HTM file? Thanks Enna Dear Enna Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click on Bookmarks. With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere. That one is a waste of time. So, click on Menu, Bookmarks SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS That opens the Bookmarks Library Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that! In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted, Miscellaneous, whatever. IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders, just open "Bookmarks Menu". There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks. Ckick on VIEW, Sort and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added and the sort order (up or down) Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on Import / Export on the top. This time you select Export. You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks from your hubby's machine. In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy. Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again, and an easy to remember and type name. Once that is done, browse to that file, for example file:///c:/bookmarks.html and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned on, onto that. To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow strip below the address bar for your most used sites like Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc. That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Stripped Screw We all know how frustrating it can be if a screw is stripped and you need to remove it. Well all you have to do is lay a rubber band over stripped screw head, then just use your screwdriver as usual and the rubber band will fit down in the screw head making it possible for you to remove. Easy and fast way to remove a stripped screw! By dorothy wedenoja [162] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."
A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

» Tree Houses

Today in 
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation.
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed.
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging.
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the 
 first in the United States.
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded.
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London.
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in 
 order to begin production of the Model A.
1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born.
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary.
1961 South Africa became an independent republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the 
 Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people.
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights.
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years 
 of construction.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence.
1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range 
 nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union.
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" 
 in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen 
 or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. 
 He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years 
 for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.
2014  smiled.


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How to sort and export FireFox bookmarks 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 30.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh man, who held up a bank with a stick. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when sex offenders move in.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948) Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself. --- Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has." A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Click on the picture for the large version Pacu Jawi is traditional bull racing which is held annually in Batusangkar, Indonesia. Jockeys just hold on to the tails of their bulls and surf on the mud atop a wooden plank. The bulls are then auctioned off after the race.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Murray,33, Neptune Beach, Floriduh Stick-Up with a stick Andrew Murray, 33, is accused of attempting to rob a bank last Friday afternoon using a stick as his weapon. Police in Neptune Beach, Florida, say a masked man they later identified as Murray entered a SunTrust Bank around 2:45 p.m. brandishing an object wrapped in a plastic bag. Witnesses described the object as a stick. Murray allegedly shouted, "Nobody is going to get hurt if you give me $50,000 from the vault," New4Jax.com reports. After receiving an undisclosed amount of cash, Murray ran off. Police used a Taser on Murray, before taking him into custody. Murray had $124 cash on him, and a mask, gloves and pair of boots was found nearby, according to UPI.com. Murray has been charged with armed robbery and is currently at the Duval County Jail, in lieu of $52,506 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Enna Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks Dear Webby How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and send them to a clickable HTM file? Thanks Enna Dear Enna Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click on Bookmarks. With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere. That one is a waste of time. So, click on Menu, Bookmarks SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS That opens the Bookmarks Library Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that! In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted, Miscellaneous, whatever. IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders, just open "Bookmarks Menu". There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks. Ckick on VIEW, Sort and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added and the sort order (up or down) Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on Import / Export on the top. This time you select Export. You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks from your hubby's machine. In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy. Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again, and an easy to remember and type name. Once that is done, browse to that file, for example file:///c:/bookmarks.html and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned on, onto that. To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow strip below the address bar for your most used sites like Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc. That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Glow In Dark Star Path to Bathroom I have a friend who has young children and she uses glow in the dark stars attached to the floor as a pathway to the bathroom. I thought this was such a neat idea. By coville123 [320] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know. My wife will probably want to go both days!"
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

» Amazing Wildlife

Today in 
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, 
 at the age of 19.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in 
 Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1783 The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. 
 by Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post"
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned 
 France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore’s 
 Garden to Madison Square Garden.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in 
 a stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger 
 of collapsing occurred.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill 
 climb was held.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis Sweepstakes. The 
 500-mile auto race later became known as the Indianapolis 500. 
 Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect 
 American interests.
1913 The First Balkan War ended.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
 to the Department of the Interior.
1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance 
 to audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
 in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil 
 war erupted.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off 
 on a journey to Mars.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member.
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a 
 state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings 
 by leftist rebels.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
 erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson 
 were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year 
 marriage.
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of 
 raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. 
 The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that 
 communities be notified when sex offenders move in.
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing 
up to 5,000. 
2014  smiled.


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What is Mouse Resolution? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 29.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a man, who was lassoed, tackled and beat up after shooting at people at a rodeo Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. --- Eddie Izzard My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. --- Errol Flynn (1909 - 1959)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Thanks to BP for this one: My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat.
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Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: . . . "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . . "I always do."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Celestino Moras, 25, Cassville, Georgia Man lassoed, tackled and beat up after shooting at people at a rodeo An intoxicated Georgia man was lassoed and beat up after allegedly wounding three people at a Memorial Day Weekend rodeo. Police say that Celestino Moras, 25, opened fire just after 7 p.m. Sunday, at the annual rodeo in Cassville, Bartow County, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports. Moras allegedly shot off multiple rounds before finding himself a little tied up. The property owner said when Moras ran out of bullets, one of the rodeo cowboys lassoed him. Other guests beat him and tied him up until deputies could arrive. Doctors treated Moras for facial injuries before deputies took him to jail. He was charged with aggravated assault. All victims were treated at an area hospital and released. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Mouse Resolution Dear Webby That mouse revolution, ahem resolution, sounds intriguing, but somehow I can't understand what you meant to say. Please use smaller words. Thanks Ann Dear Ann With most mice the cursor always moves the same distance when you move the mouse a certain distance. With some, the cursor moves further, when you move the mouse fast. That is called "Dynamic Resolution", and can be a bit frustrating. Adjustable resolution, once only found on expensive gamers mice, lets you set a multiplier. A low number moves the cursor a low number of pixels for a certain distance of mouse movement. A high number moves the mouse a large number of pixels when you move the mouse the same distance. With most mice you have to stop and go into some Control Panel and menu to change the resolution. With the GigaByte M6900 Buttons #6 and #7 let you change that resolution without interrupting your work. For Facebook or general browsing you normally use a large resolution number like 3200, so that a tiny movement of your hand makes the cursor move a large distance. For detail painting, for example to fix the red eyes or the reflection of the flash on somebody's eyeballs in a family reunion picture, you want the cursor or paintbrush to move only a tiny distance with a large movement of the mouse. For that you would click it down to 400. When the eyes are done and you want to make the messy background nice and fuzzy, click it up to higher numbers for fast softening sweeps. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dish Soap on Outside Of Campfire Pans When camping and cooking over the campfire, rub liquid dish soap on the outside of the pans. During cleanup the soot from the fire will wipe right off and not ruin your pans. Source: Learned at Girl Scout camp 45 years ago! By Tracey from Santa Rosa Beach, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts smoking it. The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't smoke in here." The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?" And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also sell condoms here."
Why can't Italians skateboard? They get wop sided: When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance.

» Ghost Towns

Today in 
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, 
 ending the Byzantine Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after 
 the Puritan Commonwealth.
1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony.
1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under 
 the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City. 
 The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis 
 Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the 
 Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained 
 until 1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. 
 to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive 
 for another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North 
 Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first 
 men to reach the top of Mount Everest.
1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles.
1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of 
 edited Watergate transcripts.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in 
 a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor 
 William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran 
 were being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the 
 Soviet Union in Moscow.
1988 NBC aired "To Heal A Nation," the story of Jan Scruggs' 
 effort to build the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared 
 martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians 
 in mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were 
 convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The 
 crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies 
 in Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey 
 Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2014  smiled.


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7 button mouse for work 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 28.

Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!
Also thank you for the hilarious birthday card!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Daughter dumped mom, 73, from wheelchair off curb head-first onto pavement Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble Space Telescope.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there. --- Mickey Friedman "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." --- Galileo
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" Anni questioned. "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Buzz says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Buzz says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.
Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character? He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and sold it to the whites.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patricia Tavernier, 52, Tavares, Floriduh Daughter dumped mom, 73, from wheelchair off curb head-first onto pavement MAY 27--After celebrating her 52nd birthday with family members at a restaurant, an intoxicated Florida woman allegedly pushed her wheelchair-bound mother off the curb, causing the elderly woman to fall “head first into the cement,” police charge. As she pushed the wheelchair off the curb, Patricia Tavernier said, “For 52 years of shit,” according to Tavernier’s sister, who is quoted as a witness in an arrest affidavit. Tavernier, seen above, was arrested for aggravated battery on a person over 65, a felony. She was also charged with misdemeanor battery for striking her sister in the face with a camera. Upon arriving at the Ruby Street Grille, a Tavares Police Department officer spotted “an empty wheelchair and an elderly person later identified as Karen Judge lying in the street in front of the chair in the fetal position.” Judge, 73, had been staying with Tavernier while recuperating from a broken hip. A restaurant employee and Tavernier’s sister, Theresa Booth, told police that they saw Tavernier causer her mother to topple to the pavement. Judge, cops noted, told emergency service workers that Tavernier had “intentionally dumped her out of the chair.” Booth said that her sister “became drunk and upset” at the birthday dinner. As the family departed the restaurant, added Booth, she witnessed Tavernier “trip their mother onto the pavement, saying, ‘For 52 years of shit’ as she did it.” Tavernier was booked into the Lake County jail, from which she was released on $20,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Mouse Dear Webby did you ever find a decent replacement for your dead 5 button mouse? My Microsoft 6000 series mouse died too. Warranty must have expired. Ann Dear Ann Yes, I did! Took me some time to save up for it, but I finally do have a proper working mouse again! Egghead, now called NewEgg, has a GigaByte M6900 Gamer's mouse for about $30. It has 7 buttons, most of which are programmable. Don't worry, the left click button can not be accidentally changed, and you can't program yourself into a corner. Left and right tilt of the wheel are sideways scroll, the regular up/down s croll is very precise too. Copy and paste are both on the thumb side, and two buttons on top, just on your side of the wheel, adjust the sensitivity from 800 to 3200. For browsing you use a high number, so that a small motion of the mouse moves the pointer or scroll bar a long ways. For precise graphics work you click it down to a low number, so that you need a long mouse movemnet to paint a few dark pixels over somebody's red-eye. So far I am quite pleased with the high quality of that mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Volunteer In Exchange For Tickets Cut Through Plastic Bags I trimmed the edges of a plastic garbage bag and later noticed the scissors glided through the papers I was cutting more easily. Evidently, the petroleum in the making of the bag caused this. You can also cut a thin sheet of sandpaper with the scissors to sharpen them. By Betty G. from Williamston, SC Nowadays a lot of plastic bags are made from grain derived ethyl alcohol. There is no oil leaking out of the plastic. The aid to the scissors is most likely from the corn cob dust or sometimes corn starch, that is blown between the sheets of plastic to make them less clingy, slide better and are easier to handle during the manufacture of the bags. It is only a tiny amount, but enough to make a huge difference for machines, that make billions of bags. With that stuff filling the pores in the metal of your scissors, they will work better. There is absolutely no worry that any unhealthy petroleum oil might drip off the scissors. It is a dry farm derived dust. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by, peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're selling." Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??" One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're selling idiots, friend", To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left."
If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style. If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident. If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture. If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation. If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law. If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention. If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion. If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory. If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake. If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "@#$# SCREWUP!"
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» Ghost Towns

Today in 
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse.
585BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended.
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King 
 Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid.
1774 The First Continental Congress convened in Virginia.
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy.
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in 
 the U.S. Civil War.
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State.
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence.
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc.
1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, 
 Ontario, to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were 
 the first quintuplets to survive infancy.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in 
 Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could 
 cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California.
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany.
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, 
 limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose 
 to a yield of 150 kilotons.
1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in 
 Southgate, KY. 165 people were killed.
1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University 
 Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later.
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed 
 a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet 
 air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988.
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at 
 least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5.
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in 
 the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.
1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. 
 The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. 
 Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have 
 settled the score with India."
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our 
 solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble 
 Space Telescope.
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" 
 was put back on display after more than 20 years of 
 restoration work.
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the 
 creation of the NATO-Russia Council. 
2014  smiled.


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Is Silverlight necessary? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 27.

Thank you, Gordon!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky woman, who got busted for leaving kids in hot, unlocked car while she got a brazilian wax Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
>From Jean A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a drawer and had them made into prints. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband. When she showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!", he said with appreciation.. "That's my old Ford!".
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A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window. Saleslady: Sure, go ahead. It might attract some business.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney Kippes, 22, Louisville, Kentucky Busted For Leaving Kids In Hot, Unlocked Car While She Got A Brazilian Wax A Kentucky woman was arrested yesterday after leaving her two young children in an unlocked car while she got a Brazilian wax at a Louisville salon, police report. Courtney Kippes, 22, was charged with endangering her two- and three-year-old sons, who were removed from a 2008 Ford by “several concerned business owners” who heard the children screaming. Kippes' Facebook page lists her occupation as “Model.” While the vehicle’s front windows had been left cracked open, the boys were “hot to the touch and very sweaty” according to a police report that notes Louisville’s temperature Wednesday was 84 degrees (with a heat index of 87 percent). When Kippes returned to the car from “getting a wax job,” she told police that she was “OK with leaving the kids” in the auto while she was in the Clique Waxing Boutique. The business owner told cops that she had asked Kippes “if she had kids and she said no.” Kippes paid $60 for the Brazilian wax. In addition to the child endangerment count, Kippes was also charged with a pair of drug charges after cops found a crushed up pill and a “snorting straw” in the car. Kippes is locked up in the Jefferson County jail, where bond has been set at $500 on the child endangerment rap. Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Silverlight Dear Webby good to see newsletter back online. better is you are back online. your diligent labors were missed. what exactly is ms silverlight? any advantage to try to disable\delete it? can it even be done? as always your efforts are recognized & appreciated. there is always something in it to remind me how silly we can be. thanx, steve j. Dear Steve Microsoft Silverlight is a free web-browser plug-in that enables interactive media experiences, business applications and immersive mobile apps. Silverlight works on all major OS's plus all major browsers, including Firefox, Google Chrome, Safari, and yes, even though it is from Microsoft, even on Internet Explorer. When the winter Olympics were in Vancouver, one of the stations, that had live video, required Silverlight, probably for their ads. I didn't care, I wanted to see that final hockey game live. So I installed it. It has been on my computer until FireFox29 was hogging too much memory. I uninstalled everything not absolutely essential, including Silverlight. It made no diference. I had to dump FireFox29. Back on FireFox27 everything works fine, even without Silverlight. I would say, leave it off unless something really important demands, that you install it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Volunteer In Exchange For Tickets Volunteer to serve as a docent for whatever type of performance you like such as a theater/museum. An 85 year old friend served as an usher for the local community theater. As such she got to see all the plays produced. She was on a limited income and this was the only way she could enjoy the theater. By Mary Anne W. from Cameron, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary." "You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."

» Japan's Castles

Today in 
1647 Achsah Young, a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed 
 for being a "witch." It was the first recorded American 
 execution of a "witch."
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for 
 being Baptists.
1813 Americans captured Fort George, Canada.
1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, when a 
 tornado struck.
1901 The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized.
1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco.
1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first 
 transatlantic flight.
1926 Bronze figures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer were 
 erected in Hannibal, MO.
1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the 
 stratosphere, by balloon.
1935 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President 
 Franklin Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act 
 was unconstitutional.
1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to 
 pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco 
 and Marin County.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an 
 "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions.
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British 
 naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed.
1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive 
 in Libya with his Afrika Korps.
1944 U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea.
1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government 
 of Turkey.
1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade 
 Center in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10.
1985 In Beijing, representatives of Britain and China exchanged 
 instruments of ratification on the pact returning Hong Kong 
 to the Chinese in 1997.
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds 
 from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
1994 Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned 
 to Russia. He had been in exile for two decades.
1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire 
 to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader 
 of the rebels.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment 
 suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President 
 Clinton was in office.
1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for 
 not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City 
 federal building.
1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted 
 Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. 
 It was the first time that a sitting head of state had been 
 charged with such a crime.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail problems on mobiles 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 25.
Memorial Day is observed to commemorate the men and 
women who died while in the military service.



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to the French rail company, that bought trains for $20 Billion without checking the widths of the platforms Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. --- Socratex
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A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, "Yan Yohansenn". The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies "Yolanda Yohansenn". The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, "Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait."
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies."
Classic! You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation. WHAT DID HE SAY? He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
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Reported by Walter, the stone carver. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to New French trains are too fat for old platforms France’s national rail operator SNCF, which runs the prestigious TGV fast trains, that are a source of pride for the French, spent 15 billion euros ($20.5 billion) on regional trains, that are too wide for 1,300 stations, meaning platforms will have to be “shaved” to avoid getting stuck. Confirming the reports of the mistake, the French train company admitted that the wider trains, built to “meet the public’s expectations requires the modernisation of 1,300 platforms out of a total of 8,700 in the French railways.” Actually, the public didn't expect wider trains, just faster ones. The error seems to have happened because the national rail operator RFF gave the wrong dimensions to train company SNCF. They measured the width of a new railroad station, and ignored the fact that about 1300 older stations are narrower. Also, in some cases the rails are too close, and tains won't be able to pass. Tech Support Pits From: Debo Re: Gmail Warning Dear Webby What is the meaning of this warning, I use an Android and it's the first time I'm getting it. Debo Dear Debo That is the Gmail Malfunction, that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. Just make a Gmail filter to NEVER put mail from humor@webby.com into Spam, and to set it as IMPORTANT. Then the sniveling ninnies won't whine or censor. There is no point writing to them, since they don't read or answer mail to their support anyway. Just make a filter in Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Plant Cuttings Now For Holiday Gifts Take plant cuttings now from plants such as spider plant, Christmas cactus, geraniums, etc. to use for quick inexpensive gifts later in the season. Even Dallas/Boston ferns can be divided into smaller plants. That way your cuttings will be established before it's time to give them away. By Cheryl from Trinity, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'. The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at the entrance... Every time I enter the farm, they call me a quack!"
A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend. "My priest knows more than your rabbi." "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything."

» Japan's Castles

Today in 
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans.
1328 William of Ockham was forced by Pope John XXII to flee 
 from Avignon .
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because 
 of his religious beliefs and writings.
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of 
 Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a 
 second offense.
1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being 
 exiled for nine years.
1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between 
 Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them.
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French 
 at the Battle of Ackia.
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over 
 the crown and state assets.
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in 
 Milan Cathedral.
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska.
1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating 
 that Congress has no authority over state slavery laws.
1836 The U.S. House of Representatives adopted what has 
 been called the Gag Rule.
1865 Arrangements were made in New Orleans for the 
 surrender of Confederate forces west of the Mississippi.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted, 
 by one vote, of all charges in his impeachment trial.
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned.
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the 
 Middle East.
1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered.
1938 The House Committee on Un-American Activities began 
 its work of searching for subversives in the United States.
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, 
 began during World War II.
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb.
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a 
 military pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin 
 promised a "close collaboration after the war."
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, 
 Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 
 in deposits its first day.
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O.
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a 
 record time of just over three hours.
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful 
 eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing.
1972 The Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT I) was signed by 
 the U.S. and USSR. The short-term agreement put a freeze on the 
 testing and deployment of intercontinental and submarine-launched 
 ballistic missiles for a 5-year period.
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal injuries 
 in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 13 buses in 
 his car.
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the South Tower 
 of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 3 1/2 hours.
1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in 
 Atlantic City, NJ.
1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an offensive 
 against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra.
1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup in 
 five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against the 
 Boston Bruins.
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing all 
 223 people aboard.
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, 
 and announced that his administration would no longer link 
 China's trade status with its human rights record.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly 
 in New Jersey, not New York.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in 
 high-speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only 
 if their "actions shock the conscience."
1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. 
 The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately 
 $450 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise 
 ship ever built. 
2014  smiled.


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Are there ever any attachments with the Humor Letter? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 25.

Thank you Evelyn!

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, 
Memorial Day is observed on the last Monday of May, 
to commemorates the men and women who died while in 
the military service.

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Taylor Harrison for Selfie Incrimination Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are. --- Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755 - 1826), Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. --- Socratex
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>From Anonymous HR professional "We ask prospective job applicants at our business to fill out a questionnaire. For the line 'Choose one word to summarize your strongest professional attribute,' one woman wrote, 'I'm very good at following instructions.'"
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A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness." Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife responds with, "yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you do the dishes and then stand by the ironing board for a couple of hours and iron all your shirts, and I'll lay on the couch and fart."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Taylor Harrison, 21, Port St. Lucie, Floriduh Selfie Incrimination Taylor Harrison allegedly wanted to make a point about how easy it was to sell drugs in Port St. Lucie, Floriduh -- even when deputies were nearby. So Harrison, 21, took to social media. He posted a selfie with stacks of drug cash, drugs, and a photo of a Martin County Sheriff's Office patrol car that pulled along side of him, WPBF-TV reports. The Facebook photos were later seen by MCSO deputies. They sent an undercover officer to buy drugs from Harrison and then arrested him on charges of selling narcotics, CBS Tampa reports. Harrison remained in Martin County Jail on $55,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Carole Re: Attachments Dear Webby Does the Humor Letter ever have attachments? Do you ever have a virus or spyware? Carole Dear Carole No, the Humor Letter never has attachments, never did and never will. It is not sent from a Windows computer, but from a server running Linux. Windows viruses and spyware don't work on Linux any more than a bicycle works on the ocean. If you saw an attachment with the Humor Letter, then either your computer or the computer of your ISP is infected. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Plant Cuttings Now For Holiday Gifts Take plant cuttings now from plants such as spider plant, Christmas cactus, geraniums, etc. to use for quick inexpensive gifts later in the season. Even Dallas/Boston ferns can be divided into smaller plants. That way your cuttings will be established before it's time to give them away. By Cheryl from Trinity, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not guilty. Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you possibly have found this man innocent?" The foreman replied, "Insanity." The perplexed prosecutor asked, "All twelve of you?"
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, PepsiCola and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

» Funny Boat Names

Today in 
585 BC The first known prediction of a solar eclipse was 
 made in Greece.
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems.
1787 The Constitutional convention opened in Philadelphia 
 with George Washington presiding.
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain.
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry, even
 though he could not get it to work.
1844 The first telegraphed news dispatch, sent from 
 Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD, appeared in the 
 Baltimore "Patriot."
1895 Oscar Wilde, a playwright, poet and novelist, was 
 convicted of a morals charge and sentenced to prison 
 in London.
1911 President of Mexico, Porfolio Diaz, resigned his office.
1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian 
 theory in school.
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would 
 replace the Model T.
1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain.
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired.
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work 
 toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the 
 decade, and before the Russians.
1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National 
 Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated.
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded.
1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and became 
 the largest grossing film to date.
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs 
 appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for 
 a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of 
 what it has done to its sons" that had served in the 
 Vietnam War.
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff 
 at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people 
 were killed.
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, 
 while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours.
1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a 
 new record in opening day box office sales. The gross was 
 $6,219,629.
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave 
 that killed more than 11,000 people.
1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup 
 by defeating the Montreal Canadiens.
1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first 
 woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe.
1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly 
 elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with 
 Major Johnny Paul Koromah.
1997 U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond became the longest-serving 
 senator in U.S. history (41 years and 10 months).
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces 
 of communism.
1999 A report by the U.S. House of Representatives Select 
 Committee on U.S. National Security and Military/Commercial 
 Concerns with the People's Republic of China concluded that 
 China had "stolen design information on the U.S. most-advanced 
 thermonuclear weapons" and that China's penetration of U.S. 
 weapons laboratories "spans at least the past several decades 
 and almost certainly continues today."
2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golder, CO, became the first 
 blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest 
 climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and 
 Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud 
 for the downfall of Enron.
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic 
 plains of Mars.
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second 
 successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. 
 The United Nations Security Council condemned the reported
 test.
2014  smiled.


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Size of second monitor 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 21.
Thanks Natalie and Victor!
Thanks Dianne !
Thanks Aletta !
Thanks Gary L !
Thanks Joseph !
THAT is the kind of Birthday card I really appreciate!


Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections 
into my eyeballs. 
That means no Thursday, Friday or Saturday newsletters.



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Timothy Dwayne Fisher who shot and killed his friend while testing an old bulletproof vest and missed, with a 22 rifle inside a garage, and to Taylor Ann Kelly, who first claimed that she was the shooter. And
A Darwin Award goes to Blake Randell Wardell, who asked his friends to shoot at him.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and fighting began.
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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. --- Bob Hope (1903 - 2003) When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile. --- Bob Edwards
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>From Walter, the Stonecarver I before E, except when you run a weird counterfeit heist on a feisty beige foreign neighbor's sovereign atheist Rottweiler's leisurely seized caffeine.
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The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees: a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.
My busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on the stove with the burners on, so she resorted to posting this reminder on the kitchen door: "STOVE?" My sister, back from college, noticed Mother's sign. Beneath it she taped her reply: "No -- DOOR! Trust me. I went to college."
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A Darwin Award goes to Blake Randell Wardell, 25 Honea Path, South Carolina. He asked his friends to shoot at him with a 22 rifle, while he was wearing an old bullet proof vest. They obliged, but missed the vest and the bullet went through his heart, killing him. This was not long distance, but inside a garage.
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Taylor Ann Kelly, 18, and Timothy Dwayne Fisher, 25 Boneheads shoot at their friend to test old bulletproof vest, and miss. Deputies in Anderson County have made a second arrest in a deadly shooting in Honea Path. Authorities say 25-year-old Blake Randell Wardell was shot and killed during a "game" using a bulletproof vest. Taylor Ann Kelly, 18, was arrested on Wednesday and charged with involuntary manslaughter. Later during the course of the investigation, officials found out Kelly had lied about being the one who shot Wardell. She told them it was Timothy Dwayne Fisher who was at fault. Fisher, 25, is now charged with involuntary manslaughter. Kelly is charged with accessory after the fact to a felony. The charge of involuntary manslaughter will subsequently be removed. Per South Carolina State Law, accessory after the fact is punishable based on the classification of the principal offense. In this case, deputies say Kelly could be facing a prison term of no more than 3 years. Fisher was taken into custody late Thursday night in Belton. Both remain in custody at the Anderson County Detention Center. In an arraignment Friday afternoon, deputies say Fisher is in custody under a $50,000 surety bond for the new charge. The investigation continues.
Tech Support Pits From: Lila Re: Second Monitor Size Dear Webby, Does the second monitor have to be the same size as the first monitor? I do mostly graphics work, and some spreadsheets, and am not at all happy with the sawed off monitors, that miss the bottom third. Lila Dear Lila If you turn them upright and hang them side by side to show the bottom third, then they should bethe same size. If they are not, then the smaller one compresses the page, that is visible on the bigger one, for example 30 rows of your spreadsheet, to fit onto the smaller monitor. The rows start out the same on both, but are thinner on the smalerone and by row 10 are not in sync anymore. That would drive you nuts! If the monitors are not the same size, then it is best to NOT extend screens across both of them. Considering how the prices have come down, just get a big monitor for the actual work and use the little one for notes and auxilliary stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Brillo for Stainless Cookware I was reading all the tips on stainless steel cookware. I clean mine with soap pads. It seems the more I scrub the brighter they shine! Just sayin. By Marty Dick [138] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble." The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?" The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!"
The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago. The professor was explaining an accounting method called First In Last Out, which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff. It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970's when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the 1930's at 20¢ a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits. One of the students put up his hand and said, "Excuse me, sir, but that doesn't sound very ethical to me." To which the professor replied, "You're in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is down the hall."

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Today in 
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne.
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, 
 Switzerland.
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold.
1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones.
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City.
 They were originally known as "swift walkers."
1832 In the U.S., the Democratic Party held its first 
 national convention.
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony.
1856 Lawrence, Kansas was captured by pro-slavery forces.
1863 The siege of the Confederate Port Hudson, LA, began.
1891 Peter Jackson and Jim Corbett fought for 61 rounds 
 only to end in a draw.
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the 
 demountable tire-carrying rim.
1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a 
 "thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and 
 Richard Loeb. The killers were students at the 
 University of Chicago.
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo 
 nonstop airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. 
 The trip began May 20.
1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation 
 board was used by Sutro and Company of New York City.
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. 
 to fingerprint all of its citizens.
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb 
 in the Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll.
1961 Governor Patterson declared martial law in Montgomery, AL.
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 
 99 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the 
 sub were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest 
 of the Azores.
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances 
 at Ohio State University.
1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released.
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and 
 fighting began.
1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister, 
 Rajiv Gandhi was killed by a bouquet of flowers that 
 contained a bomb.
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage.
1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating 
 on a home video game system.
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by an 
 butyric acid-attacker. 
2014  smiled.


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Adding a second monitor 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 20.

Yesterday we had our May Holiday. Everybody in Canada 
except me gets the Monday closest to my birthday off.
It's Victoria day, a stat holiday.

>Ftom Mike
Webby, Thanks for showing me how to get back to Firefox 27.
What a difference.... speed, accuracy and all the old attributes 
Firefox had before they messed around making it "better". 
You are appreciated!
Mike


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Man Drives Drunk To Police Station To File Report Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Selected from Michael Moncur's Collection of Quotations - May 19, 2014 Without the aid of prejudice and custom I should not be able to find my way across the room. --- William Hazlitt (1778 - 1830)
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Excerpts from actual High School writings: 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools. 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick Ruffner, 31, of Gonzales, Louisiana Man Drives Drunk To Police Station To File Report Police say a 31-year-old man has been arrested after he drove to a Louisiana state police headquarters while drunk to file an accident report. Online booking records indicate Patrick Ruffner of Gonzales was in the East Baton Rouge Parish jail Monday with bond set at $1,000. Trooper Jared Sandifer says Ruffner called state police Saturday, saying his vehicle was struck by a hit-and-run driver on Innerschdate 10 in Baton Rousche. He was told to come to Troop A's offices to fill out a crash report. Sandifer says that when Ruffner got out of his SUV, a trooper smelled alcohol and gave him field sobriety and breath tests. Sandifer says Ruffner was booked with driving on a suspended license and with first-offense driving while intoxicated. Tech Support Pits From: Lila Re: Second Monitor Dear Webby, What is involved with adding a second, larger monitor? I am using Windows7 Lila Dear Lila Just plug it in. Windows will recognize it, and open a screen, where you can select whether you want to duplicate or extend the screen, and even if you want to turn them 90 degrees. Select what you want, and hit OK. That is all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shake Bottle With Dish Soap Or Detergent Rinse obvious debris out of the bottle. Then put two tablespoons of powdered, automatic dishwashing detergent in the bottle. Or place one tablespoon salt, and one teaspoon dish soap in bottle. Add very hot water until 1/3 full. Cover opening with thumb. Shake bottle, up and down, from side to side, and forward and backward. Make certain you mix it up in every angle of the bottle. If it foams too much, re-do this procedure with less dish soap. You may increase the salt this time. By Miss Bonnie from Denver, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?"

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Today in 
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor 
 Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor.
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France 
 over the town of Gascony.
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty.
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been 
 sent to punish him in Mexico.
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers 
 of James II.
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King.
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to punish 
 the American colonists for their increasingly anti-British 
 behavior
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its 
 independence. This is the date that is on the George state 
 flag even though the date of this event has been questioned.
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, 
 England, and Holland.
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde.
1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the 
 Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA.
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans w. copper rivets.
1875 The International Bureau of Weights and Measures was 
 established.
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver 
 to be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 
 12 miles per hour.
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended.
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain.
1916 Norman Rockwell’s first cover on "The Saturday 
 Evening Post" appeared.
1926 The U.S. Congress passed the Air Commerce Act. The act 
 gave the Department of Commerce the right to license 
 pilots and planes.
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the 
 Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of 
 St. Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours.
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible.
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic 
 Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat.
1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the 
 Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper" 
 from Port Washington, New York.
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air.
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma.
1949 DearWebby was born in Austria.
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. 
 The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals.
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, 
which was referred to as Hamburger Hill.
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. 
 policies in Vietnam.
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to 
 run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 
 3,000 miles.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National 
 Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior.
1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John 
 Walker. Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968.
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs.
1993 The final episode of "Cheers" was aired on NBC-TV.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure 
 banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination.
1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old 
 student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered 
to an assistant principal at the school.
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional 
 synthetic genome.
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from 
 the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 
2014  smiled.


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What to do when there are not enough USB ports? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 19.

Thank you, Hermon!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military. --- Georges Clemenceau (1841 - 1929) That is why Obama keeps firing generals!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground." The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me!" Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!" Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me? A cruise ship?"
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A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marilee Boozer, Lake City, Floriduh Marilee Boozer, School Nurse, Charged with Stealing Kids' Prescription Meds A school nurse in Lake City, Florida, has been arrested after allegedly stealing a student's prescription medication from the school's nurse's station. On Tuesday, Marilee Boozer, 24, was charged with theft and possession of a controlled substance, according to NBC Miami. Boozer was booked and later released on $5,000 bond. The investigation that lead to Boozer's arrest began last week after a parent reported medication was taken from Pinemount Elementary School where she is employed. Boozer resigned from her position on the same day of her arrest. Officials for the Columbia County School District are trying to see how extensive the alleged drug thefts may have been. Teresa Elwell claims that Boozer has been giving her grandson a medication different from his prescribed Ritalin for the past three months. Elwell said she gave Boozer 15 pills on Feb. 6, but the suspect called 12 days later saying she spilled some pills down the sink and that the bottle was empty. "If she had spilled it down she still waited eight days before she called, which doesn't make sense about it," Elwell told the station. Ritalin pills are blue, but Elwell says she discovered her grandson was getting yellow pills from Boozer, and worries that the boy might suffer ill health effects from whatever the yellow pills were. As a result, she wants to see Boozer charged with child endangerment. Tech Support Pits From: Trina Re: Not enough USB slots Dear Webby, My computer has only 4 USB slots, but I need more, and I am tired of crawling under the desk to unplug and plug different cables. Isn't there a more civilized solution than getting my hair caught under the desk while the dog cold-noses me? Thanks Trina Dear Trina There is indeed, but not nearly as much fun for spectators. Go to the Dollar Store and get a USB hub. They geerally cost $2. The days when everything in the Dollar Stores was $1 went out with Bush. However, even at $2, those hubs are a good deal. Most computer and electronics stores sell them for slightly more. In your case, get one, that has a 4 foot or 6 foot cable, not the type that has a tiny 1 inch cable. Then you can plug in the cable under the desk and attach the hub with double-sided sticky tape to th side of the monitor. That allows you to plug and unplug a further four items without even getting up. There are USB hubs available at computer stores that have 7 or 8 slots, and some have all kinds of colorful lights blinking. Don't get excited about the lights, though. They just blink on a totally random pattern wheter you got any devices plugged in or not. A very dear friend in Florida gave me one of those when I visited her and helped her prepare for and get through Hurricane Wilma. That hub cheerfully blinked away for years on my desk here. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Permanent Marker to Repair Bleach Spots My bath vanity area carpet has a few spots on it where bleach had splattered. I used a 'close to' colored marker on the carpet spots and it looks like new! By Linda [37] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The Importance Of "Correct Punctuation" *Version One* Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy- -will you let me be yours? Jane *Version Two* Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Jane
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."

» Yummy Stuff

Today in 
1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for 
 North America.
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King 
 Henry VIII, was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery.
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the 
 Queen of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned 
 by Queen Elizabeth.
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon to England.
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union 
 of Lutherans and Calvinists.
1643 French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, France.
1796 The first U.S. game law was approved. The measure called 
 for penalties for hunting or destroying game within 
 Indian territory.
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in 
 service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts.
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by William 
 F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer.
1858 A pro-slavery band led by Charles Hameton executed 
 unarmed Free State men near Marais des Cygnes on the 
 Kansas-Missouri border.
1864 The Union and Confederate armies launched their last 
 attacks against each other at Spotsylvania in Virginia.
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was 
 based on fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City.
1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, 
 which established national quotas for immigrants.
1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time.
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was deceased. 
 Rome became a fascist state.
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people.
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries 
 in a motorcycle crash in England.
1943 Winston Churchill told the U.S. Congress that his country 
 was pledging their full support in the war against Japan.
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the 
 North American Air Defense Command.
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of 
 "Happy Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The 
 event was a fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden.
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had 
 found about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy 
 in Moscow.
1967 The Soviet Union ratified a treaty with the US and 
 Britain that banned nuclear weapons from outer space.
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time.
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted 
 of smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the US. 
 Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's Medellin drug cartel.
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and 
 seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband 
 Joey's teen-age lover.
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages.
1998 Bandits stole three of Rome's most important paintings 
 from the National Gallery of Modern Art.
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released 
 in the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 
 28.5 million.
2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved 
 Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago.
2000 Disney released the movie "Dinosaur." 
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors 
 $500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11 
 billion accounting scandal.
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal 
 letters and humanist essays were made available on the Internet. 
 Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew Universtiy of 
 Jerusalem in his will.
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought in 
 50.0 million in its opening day.
2014  smiled.


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Hot to roll back Firefox to a good version? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 18.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher who was arrested for laying 3 student multiple times per day. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
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God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have. : "I would have one." Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic." : "You don't know my father!"
One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ellen Niemiec, 29, Berkley County, South Carolina S.C. teacher charged with having 'multiple' acts of sex with three students each in one day Berkeley County, South Carolina teacher Ellen Niemiec is a poor excuse for a wife and school instructor. The 29-year old married mother of three was charged Thursday, May 8, with three counts of sexual battery, two of them felonies because the students were 17, authorities said. The third was 18. Niemiec is accused of having sex with all 3 on April 11 on Cross High School grounds AND at a house party. Niemiec would also have sex before and after school with one of the students and sent nude photos of herself via text to all 3. Crocodile tears at the bail hearing: It doesn't show on these pictures, but from the distance she looks well built and quite attractive. It is not surprising that students fell for her charms. Tech Support Pits From: Frederick Re: How do I roll back Firefox? Dear Webby, Ok, FireFox 29 is indeed a dud. It might work OK on a $6,000 W8.1 game machine, especially after installing the "Back to Classical Interface", but on my machine with W7, it is a DUD and a nuisance. It uses up memory like crazy and crashes W7 every two hours. How do I go back to #28 or preferably #27? Thanks! Frederick Dear Frederick FF #27 FF #28 And have a close look at this picture: Change the Update Default to NEVER. Otherwise it will automatically re-install #29 when you are not looking. By the way, since I went back to version 27 a few days ago, my Windows has not crashed even once. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com New Use for Old Tea Recently I found a cache of old teabags in the back of my kitchen cabinets. These teabags were at least 3 years old and undoubtedly stale. Rather than throw them out, I have been brewing them, one at a time, letting the tea cool and using it on my hair as a rinse after conditioning. Not only does it clean and shine my hair, it also imparts a lovely fragrance. By ShellR from Greensboro, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady. "Are you in any pain?" her friend asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."
*Rules for Writers* 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.) 6. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Don't use no double negatives. 12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.

» Twigs to Figs

Today in 
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the 
 Flemish oligarchs.
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded.
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole 
 and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will.
1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery 
 illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind.
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland.
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France.
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the 
 French Senate.
1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between 
 Uruguay and Brazil.
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, 
 which called up soldiers to fight in World War I.
1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while 
 visiting a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month 
 later with the claim that she had been kidnapped.
1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the 
 Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean 
 nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship.
1933 The Tennessee Valley Authority was created.
1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the "Lindberg Act," 
 that called for the death penalty in interstate kidnapping cases.
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was 
 finally captured by the Allies in Italy.
1953 The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound, 
 Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California 
 at an average speed of 652.337 miles-per-hour.
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb.
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people 
 were killed and 3 billion in damage was done.
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions 
 of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program.
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip 
 ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and 
 Palestinian authorities took over.
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a 
 sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the 
 computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors 
 which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the 
 software market.
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people 
 and seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation 
 of money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and 
 two drug-smuggling cartels. 
2014  smiled.


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How to make Gmail filters 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 17.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher who was arrested for dwi while driving to school. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. --- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951) "To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth that health is the wealth of wealth." --— Richard Baker
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
>From Roland A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning; he felt that in this suit he could really do business. As he was preening in front of the mirror, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets. To his surprise, he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." The tailor then said, "Whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patricia Almond, 48, Humble, Texas Teacher Arrested For DWI While Driving To School A middle school teacher in Humble, Texas has been charged with DWI after authorities said she was swerving all over the road -- while she was on the way to teach class. Investigators say Patricia Almond, 48, even grazed a highway retaining wall on southbound Highway 59 before they pulled her over shortly before 8 a.m. Thursday morning. Investigators said Almond was disoriented with bloodshot eyes, smelled of alcohol and was swaying from side to side. Almond was arrested on suspicion of DWI, but the charges haven't stopped her from teaching class. The Humble Independent School District released this statement about the arrest: “The incident is being addressed through the court system, as it happened off campus, outside of school hours, and did not involve students. Human Resources will be reviewing the police report and then meeting with the staff member to discuss options.” Almond isn't the only teacher employed by the Humble ISD that has been arrested recently. Monica Quintero, a first grade teacher at Ridgecreek Elementary, was busted last Wednesday for allegedly dealing drugs out of her apartment with her felon boyfriend and two others. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: How do I make Gmail Filters Hello dearwebby, i have the same problem as patrica,how do you make a filter? Dan Dear Dan To make a filter in Gmail look for the tiny down arrow on the right side in theSearch bar. Pull that down. You now see the form for creating a filter. Put, for example, humor@webby.com into the FROM slot. Once you have at least ONE search criterium filled in, you see "Create Filter with this search" (They did not know how to spell criterium, so they left that out) Hit that and on the next window you can tell it what to do, for example, star it, Never send it to Spam, and also checkmark "Also apply to x number of mails already found. Then hit Create this filter. Done. That is all there is to it. They cleaned up their act and made it quite simple and straight forward to create filters. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set a Timer to Put Out Candles I enjoy seeing my candles lit. It gives a warm cosy feeling on a cold winter's day. But how many times have we heard about candles left unattended causing fires. My tip for today is to "put on the stove timer when you light the candle, for the length of time you want them lit". This will remind you to blow them out. If this tip will prevent one fire, then its worth the effort. By Sheila [61] You can set candles into a glass dish or bowl. That way it is safe. A real (or fake cast) crystal cut cookie bowl even enhances the candle light. And, don't blow out a candle! That causes the hot tip of the wick to turn to white ash, and you shorten the wick and the life of the candle. Always use a nail and dip the wick into the molten pool of wax to extinguish it. That way the wick is protected from drying out and turning to ash. Especially with large, decorative candles, that little trick really extends the life of the candle and saves you from having to insert a new wick. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her 21 year old roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1922 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?" "He is the original owner."

» Fungi

Today in 
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor 
 Humayun at Kanauj.
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on 
 Jupiter's surface.
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in 
 Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France.
1756 Britain declared war on France again, beginning 
 the French and Indian War.
1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall 
 Street by 24 brokers.
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed.
1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY.
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was 
 installed by Edwin T. Holmes.
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" 
 to "Puerto Rico."
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the 
 invasion of France.
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's 
 railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers 
 and trainmen.
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel.
1954 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school 
 integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. 
 The ruling declared that racially segregated schools were 
 inherently unequal.
1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for 
 sale in Caldwell Township, NJ.
1973 The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings.
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
 after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami 
 police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive 
 Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting.
1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" 
 on CBS-TV. He returned the following season.
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark 
 in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq 
 and the United States called the attack a mistake.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring 
 neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. 
 Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who 
 was raped and killed in 1994.
1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the 
 Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire.
2000 Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to police 
 in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan members were 
 arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 1963 that 
 killed four young black girls.
2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the 
 broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era 
 forced labor.
2001 The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp based on 
 Charles M. Schulz's "Peanuts" comic strip.
2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 
 24 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel 
 sunk under a Navy program to dispose of old warships 
 by turning them into diving attractions. It was the 
 largest man-made reef at the time of the sinking.
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea 
 for the first time since 1953.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail Malfunction 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 16.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Ron!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a PE teacher caught stealing money from lockers Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic rule.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. --- Will Rogers
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>From Joe At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th. "I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, and then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of idiot would name a bird Moses?" "The kind of idiot that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rodney Barnes, New Smyrna Beach, Florida P.E. Teacher Stole $950 From Student Lockers Investigators say physical education teacher Rodney Barnes stole $950 from students in the boy's locker room at New Smyrna Beach High School in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Authorities first began investigating the locker room thefts in April when students reported cash missing from their wallets. Volusia County deputies were unable to put surveillance cameras in the locker room, so they stashed $141 worth of decoy money, covered with an invisible ultralight powder, in a student's wallet, according to the Associated Press. Although "Operation Sticky Fingers" was run numerous times in April, Monday was the first time that a student helping with the sting finally noticed missing money. That same day, deputies checked the hands of students and faculty using an ultraviolet light and the powder allegedly showed up on Barnes' hands. Upon questioning, Barnes admitted to taking a $50 bill from the student’s wallet and admitted to several other thefts totaling $170, cops say. Barnes has been accused of mishandling student money in the money in the past. According to employment records obtained by the Daytona Beach News-Journal, Barnes was reprimanded in September, 2012, for collecting $1,200 from students for P.E. uniforms without turning in the money. Barnes was charged with grand theft and burglary, and released on $3,000 bail on Tuesday. He resigned from his job on Wednesday, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. Tech Support Pits From: Patricia Re: Gmail sniveling about the vote button Hello dearwebby, for the last three days I have had a sign at the top of the letter I receive from you, saying this might be spam or some dreadful thing. Â This not true because I always get the same letter as before. Â I wonder if others who receive your letter are getting the same warning. Thanks for your letter, pictures and history lesson. Your faithful reader Patricia Dear Patricia That's just some sniveling ninnies at Gmail getting too overprotective. Apparently they get all paranoid about the Ezinefinder vote button, which incidentally is unchanged since about 1998. Yes, I agree, that is quite pathetic. Obviously somebody, who has not progressed from programming their washing machine, got promoted into a spot at Google, where they can be a real nuisance. Quite a few people complained about that. I am also subscribed with my Gmail address, still from the days when Gmail was new and a bit erratic, but because I made a filter to exclude the Humor Letter from their thilly mistakes, I don't get that red warning about the totally harmless vote button. You can either write to them and tell them to fix their mistake, or make a filter. I wrote to them about it, but I don't really expect a reply. Easiest and fastest is probably to make a filter. If you are not familiar with making filters, don't be shy! Tell me, and I will make that tomorrow's tech tip. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use All the Lotion in a Tube When you can't squeeze any more lotion out of a plastic tube, save what is left inside by cutting the tube so you can dip it out with your finger. I trim the tube so the top will fit over the bottom and this keeps it from drying out. It works great for me. By Litter Gitter [95] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Jarhead Math The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor. During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander, whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack in his sector. "How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller. "Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean Officer. General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer, "Many, many, many, many Chinese!" "Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the radio." In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?" "Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese you got up there?" "General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!" "Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who knows how to count!"
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you got any other skills you think may be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was all writen during office hours.

» Wildflowers

Today in 
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King 
 Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
1866 The U.S. Congress authorized the first 5-cent piece
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted during 
 the Senate impeachment, by one vote.
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set 
 up the Afghan state.
1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public 
 started service.
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc 
 was demonstrated by Emile Berliner.
1888 The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin.
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway.
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic 
 tape recorder.
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory 
 in California, demonstrated the first working laser.
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to 
 Earth, ending Project Mercury.
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the 
 planet Venus.
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman 
 to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 
 3,200 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles 
 in search of a place to dump its load. It returned to 
 New York Harbor after 8 weeks with the same load.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have 
 to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage.
1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch 
 to address the U.S. Congress.
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of 
 the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic 
 rule.
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated 
 to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first U.S. 
 first lady to run for public office.
2005 Sony Corp. unveiled three styles of its new 
 PlayStation 3 video game machine.
2014  smiled.


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Lost Mouse 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 15.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Oklahoma English Teacher Traded Sex For Grades Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Lay this unto your breast: Old friends, like old swords, still are trusted best. --- John Webster I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom? --- Sam Levenson
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An overweight Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds. Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to run home 300 Miles?"
>From Luke It can buy a bed - but not sleep It can buy a clock - but not time It can buy you a book - but not knowledge It can buy you a position - but not respect It can buy you medicine - but not health It can buy you blood - but not life It can buy you sex - but not love So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering. So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kalyn Thompson, 25, Kellyville, Oklahoma Oklahoma English Teacher Traded Sex For Grades An English teacher at an Oklahoma high school is charged with second degree rape following an alleged inappropriate relationship with a student. Kalyn Thompson, 25, turned herself in to police on Monday. She resigned from her position at Kellyville High School in April. In a police interview, the victim, who is in his junior year, told investigators that he had sex with Thompson twice -- once at a local lake and once at a Tulsa motel. Although the age of consent in Oklahoma is 16, Underwood said that as a teacher, Thompson is an authority figure. "It's sad because they're vulnerable to it, and obviously he's getting a good grade from it," she told NewsOn6. According to police, the victim was "flunking English last semester but currently has a 98 percent grade point average." Police said the boy's mother asked the teacher not to contact her son outside of school after she discovered texts from Thompson on his phone, but the suspect persisted. High school staff found out about the relationship in April after two other students saw Thompson in the victim's truck away from school, took photos, and reported it. Parents were shocked to learn of the allegations. "You send your kids to a small town school thinking they're going to get a better education, because it's more one-on-one. Thompson bonded out of jail Monday. Police say a second charge is likely. Tech Support Pits From: Rheta Re: Lost mouse Dear webby: My grand son has lost his mouse. And I'm not sure of the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas On this problem ? Rheta Dear Rheta Eery time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help, plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't last very long, especially the cheaper ones. Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new computers. However, even $60 or more expensive mice don't last forever. Wired mice develop bad cables, wireless mice loose their transmitter. A good quality Microsoft mouse will usually last about 3 - 4 years of heavy usage. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use All the Lotion in a Tube When you can't squeeze any more lotion out of a plastic tube, save what is left inside by cutting the tube so you can dip it out with your finger. I trim the tube so the top will fit over the bottom and this keeps it from drying out. It works great for me. By Litter Gitter [95] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Rosie for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all. I'll call you when I get there."

» Adorable Cubs

Today in 
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold.
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the 
 treaty of St.Menehould.
1618 Johannes Kepler published his harmonics law.
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began.
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan.
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily.
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act.
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder.
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant.
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale in the U.S.
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles.
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, 
 Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its 
 independence.
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one 
 million stockholders.
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas 
 Island in the Pacific Ocean.
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched 
 in the Soviet Union.
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first 
 two female generals.
1970 Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two 
 black students at Jackson State University in Mississippi, 
 were killed when police opened fire during student 
 protests.
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer 
 in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. 
 Wallace was paralyzed by the shot.
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge.
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the 
 United States took place.
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by 
 implosion.
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 
 115,000 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been 
there for more than eight years.
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was 
 sold for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record.
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission 
 to deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh 
 American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station.
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough 
 votes to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of the ASK tool bar? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 14.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Couple in fatal crash, who were intoxicated, and naked below the waist. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the first U.S. manned space station.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - )
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
An authority on African animals was giving a lecture. When he finished, he asked for questions. One man stood up and asked, "Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you if you carry a lighted torch?" The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."
>From James I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite vegetable.
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Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Notebaert, Couple In Fatal Crash Were Intoxicated, Naked Below The Waist Police have released new information regarding a car crash in South Florida that killed a young mother. Amanda Notebaert, 31, died after a sedan driven by her 30-year-old husband, Matthew, plowed into a canal March 9. The couple had attended a concert that night, and police have now confirmed that they were intoxicated when the fatal crash occurred. In an arrest affidavit obtained by the Sun-Sentinel, Palm Beach County Sheriff's deputies say that Matthew Notebaert and his wife had THC and alcohol in their systems, and were both naked from the waist down when they crashed. They said Amanda was on her husband's lap when he sped the car off a dead-end dirt road and into the far side of a canal. The newspaper reports: Neither of the Notebaerts were wearing seatbelts and both were naked from the waist down... Amanda Notebaert's head hit the dashboard and windshield, while Matthew Notebaert's knees were crushed by the lower part of the dashboard. She died at the scene. A toxicology report showed that Notebaert had a blood-alcohol level of .135 to .163 percent. The legal limit is .08 percent. He was arrested Wednesday and now faces charges including DUI manslaughter and vehicular homicide. The incident happened a block from their home, they knew about the road dead-end and the canal, and that a block from home they should have slowed down. The couple have two young children, ages 9 years and 7 months. Notebaert wept openly in court during his arraignment Thursday as his attorney told the judge that he just wanted "to get back to his kids." Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: How to get rid of ASK Dear Webby Can you please help me to remove the ASK program from my computer? I have tried to do this, but some instructions are asking me to install other programs. I cannot find ASK listed under programs on my computer. If I go to 'programms', ASK is not listed there. Many Thanks Denise Dear Denise The easiest way to get rid of that malware is to use MalwareBytes. The link is also on the Right side menu of the Humor Letter, for your every day convenience, Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Liquid Dishwasher Soap I have had to be very frugal with my budget and have found myself without dishwasher detergent. I have tried this and found it to work very good! Take a squirt of orange cleaner, a squirt of your homemade everyday cleaner (vinegar/alcohol/water 3:1:2), and a squirt of dishwashing liquid and the dishes do quite well! By Kellyb from IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Manny Both sides of our family turned out for my wife's college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma's, he requested, "Will all the 'cum laudes' please stand up?" My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, "Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!"
Call Center Classic: Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

» Bizarre & Cool Things:

Today in 
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians 
 in Northern Italy.
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated 
 by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac.
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death 
 of his father, Louis XIII.
1787 Delegates began gathering in Philadelphia for a 
 convention to draw up the U.S. Constitution.
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner.
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp 
 Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis 
 joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery."
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain.
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk.
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole.
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough.
1879 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone 
 Company of Europe.
1897 "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa 
 was performed for the first time. It was at a ceremony where 
 a statue of George Washington was unveiled.
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by 
 wireless telegraph.
1913 The Rockefeller Foundation was created by John D. 
 Rockefeller with a gift of $100,000,000.
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement.
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany.
1942 The Women's Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) was established 
 by an act of the U.S. Congress.
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India.
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the 
 independent State of Israel as British rule in Palestine 
 came to an end.
1955 The Warsaw Pact, a Eastern European mutual-defense 
 treaty, was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc 
 countries including the Soviet Union.
1961 A bus carrying Freedom Riders was bombed and burned 
 in Alabama.
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as 
 the first U.S. manned space station.
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang 
 and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 
 40 crew members were released safely by Cambodia. About 
 40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the military operation.
1985 The first McDonald's restaurant became the first 
 fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, 
 Illinois.
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was 
 involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants.
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed 
 members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a 
 bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union.
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More 
 than 440 people were killed.
1998 The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary.
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers 
 that had been killed during the Korean War. 
2014  smiled.


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Dump FireFox 29, revert to FF28 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 13.

Today, after about half a dozen years of steady work,
my good old mouse died. Luckily I still had an old mouse,
that still had basic functionality. It is amazing how one
gets used to the extra buttons, and how much slower work
progresses without them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a principal in New York, who was fooling around too much in school. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, VA.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic (412 BC - 323 BC)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Their middle name.
Ole and Sven bought a truckload of watermelons, paying one dollar apiece for them. Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons for the SAME price ($1) they'd paid for them. After counting their money at the end of the day, they realize they'd ended up with no more money than they'd started with. "See!" said Ole. "I told you ve shoulda got a bigger truck."
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version You found me!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Annie Schmutz Seifullah, 35, Long Island City School Principal Accused Of Sex With Employees, Parent On Campus A New York principal could face misconduct charges following allegations that she had sex with co-workers and a student's parent on campus while school was in session. Annie Schmutz Seifullah, 35, was removed from the Robert Wagner Secondary School of Arts and Technology in Long Island City on May 1 after her jilted ex-boyfriend, a single father, went to police with shocking allegations, and images to back them up, the New York Post reports. The man told cops that Seifullah had cheated on him with a NYPD security officer who worked at the school, and with a visiting assistant principal -- both times at the school. In audio and video recordings provided by her accuser, a woman identified as Seifullah admits to the acts. The New York Post reports: “I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I thought it was OK,” she tells the furious dad in the taped conversation, after he accuses her of cheating on him. “You gave him [expletive deleted] while my child was in the building,” he roars at one point. The man went to police after his relationship with Seifullah unravelled. According to the New York Post, he gave investigators three laptop computers owned by the Department of Education that contained photos and video of the woman in racy lingerie and in various sex acts, including a threesome. In one photo obtained by the Post, Seifullah appears posing in lingerie. Police said they removed computers and other electronics from the woman's office and home. NYC teachers and administrators aren't banned from dating each other, but favoritism or mistreatment could lead to a citation. Having sex in school or putting sexual images on school computers can lead to misconduct charges. WPIX reports than an investigation by the Department of Education is underway. "We are appalled by these disturbing allegations and acted swiftly to remove the principal while the matter is under investigation," a Department of Education spokesman said, according to Gothamist. "This type of alleged behavior is completely unacceptable for any DOE employee." Tech Support Pits From: Alda Re: The new version of Firefox stinks! Dear Webby The new version of Firefox stinks! How do I go back to #28 ? Alda Dear Alda Try FF 28.0b0 By the way, you are not the only one, who is not impressed with version 29. There is already an ADD-ON available to make the User Interface look like the one before version 29, but it is a struggle, and it does not speed up the browser. Hopefully with version 30 or 31 they listen to what the users want, instead of the thilly wienies, who just want changes for the sake of change. Don't be shy about telling them! The Feedback page is at Feedback Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Melted Plastic from a Glass Cooktop When left with just the residue of plastic on the cooktop: turn burner to maximum for 10 minutes (exhaust on for fumes), until residue turns from black to charcoal grey. After cooktop cools, wipe with a dry cloth. The residue will be nothing, but ash. Source: Tried this after melting a plastic bag on the cooktop. Easiest cleaning ever. By Trish M. [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service". "The act of doing things for other people." Then I heard the terms such as "Internal Revenue Service," "Postal Service," "Civil Service," "Service Stations." And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant. One day, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull "service" a few of his cows. It all came into perspective.
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

» Glass Menagerie

Today in 
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England.
1648 Margaret Jones of Plymouth was found guilty of 
 witchcraft and was sentenced to be hanged by the neck.
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended.
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on 
 January 18, 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north 
 eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in 
 the U.S. by Samuel Rust.
1846 The U.S. declared that war already existed with Mexico.
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in the American 
 Civil War.
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at 
 Appomattox, VA.
1867 Confederate President Jefferson Davis became a free 
 man after spending two years in prison for his role in the 
 American Civil War.
1873 Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder.
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway 
 in Menlo Park.
1888 Slavery was abolished in Brazil.
1912 Royal Flying Corps was established in England.
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft.
1917 Three peasant children near Fatima, Portugal, 
 reported seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary.
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany.
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was 
 installed in Wilmar, AR.
1954 U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway Development Act.
1958 French troops took control of Algiers.
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by 
 rocks thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela.
1968 Peace talks between the U.S. and North Vietnam began 
 in Paris.
1975 Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN.
1981 Pope John Paul II was shot and seriously wounded in 
 St. Peter's Square by Turkish assailant Mehmet Ali Agca.
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and 
 the radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive 
 onto the group's headquarters. 11 people died in the fire 
 that resulted.
1996 In Bangladesh 600 people were killed by a tornado.
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first 
 round had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. 
 and Japan imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed 
 that the tests were necessary to maintain India's 
 national security.
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin began. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of Tuvaru 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 11.

Happy Mother's Day!

Thank you, Roland!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Masked Kentucky Burglar Sinks Self With Pre-Crime Selfie Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion player.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle candle of yours!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevin Lawson, 28, Corbin, Kentucky Masked Kentucky Burglar Sinks Self With Pre-Crime Selfie Before setting out early yesterday to rob a Kentucky market, the 28-year-old took a moment to snap a selfie that shows him posing in his white burglar’s mask, police report. According to investigators, Lawson broke into the Copes Market in Corbin, a city 85 miles south of Lexington, between 2 and 6 AM Thursday. He allegedly stole rifles, handguns, knives, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, and food items. A surveillance camera recorded the burglar departing the market with a duffel bag loaded with rifles. A subsequent investigation by the Knox County Sheriff’s Office resulted in the arrest last night of Lawson on burglary and criminal mischief charges. Deputies noted that they recovered “99 percent” of the stolen items Lawson allowed deputies to examine his cell phone, a review that, deputies reported, yielded “a (Selfie) picture that he had taken of himself wearing the mask prior to the burglary.” Lawson, who is being held in the Knox County jail on the two criminal counts, is scheduled to be arraigned Monday. A court citation alleges that, in addition to stealing merchandise from Copes Market, Lawson damaged the business’s front door, cash register, and a computer. Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: How do I get rid of Tuvaro? Dear Webby I have a web search site called Tuvaro come my computer and unable to get rid of it. Not listed on my program file. Have a idea as how to get rid of this? Roland Dear Roland 1. Go to the Start Menu and select Control Panel 2. Under Programs or Programs and Features click on Uninstall a program 3. Select the Tuvaro Toolbar, then select Uninstall/Change and then, when prompted, click Yes or Uninstall 4. Your browser settings also might have changed. 5. Remove the Tuvaro Firefox add-on by clicking the Firefox tab and selecting "Add-Ons", which will bring up your extensions manager. Find the Tuvaro add-on and click "Remove". To change your address bar search: 1. Type about:config in the address bar and click "Enter". 2. This brings up a warning. Click on "I'll be careful, I promise!" 3. Type "keyword" in the Search: section and hit enter. 4. Double-click on the Preference Name keyword.URL. 5. This will bring up a pop-up. Enter the value of the search engine you would like to use. For Google, enter this exact text in the text field: http://www.google.com/search?q= 6. Click OK and close and re-open your browser. This should fix your address bar search. That should get rid of Tuvaru. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Windows With Coffee Filters When cleaning windows, use automatic coffee filters instead of paper towels. They work excellently, and they do not leave lint or smears behind. They also stay together By Thelma mae from Lebanon, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day. "How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?" asks Joan. "Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat on his bed." "Why does that wake him up?" "He sleeps with the dog!"
Jim was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Jim had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, his wife Wendy was six-feet-tall so he called her to help. "Hey, Wendy!" Jim yelled to her in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," Wendy remarked as she bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'"

» Trains, then & now:

Today in 
0330 Constantinople, previously Byzantium, was founded.
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland.
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor.
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay.
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray.
1812 British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a 
 bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons.
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British.
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 in gold 
 and silver to pay troops at various points in the Arizona Territory. 
 The money was stolen in a train robbery.
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established.
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from the 
 great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The storm 
 was one of many.
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in 
 central Italy.
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the 
 B.F. Goodrich Company.
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand.
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires.
1967 The siege of Khe Sanh ended.
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a soccer 
 stadium in Bradford, England.
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended indefinitely. 
 The treaty limited the spread of nuclear material for 
 military purposes.
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after 
 takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. 
 All 110 people on board were killed.
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever 
 multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. 
 It was the first time a computer had beaten a world-champion 
 player.
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, 
 three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a 
 global ban on nuclear testing.
2001 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his decision 
 to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of convicted Oklahoma 
 City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had been scheduled to be 
 executed on May 16, 2001. The delay was because the Federal 
 Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had failed to disclose thousands 
 of documents to McVeigh's defense team. (Oklahoma) 
2014  smiled.


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How do I write an eBook? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 10.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 67 year old child rapist claims the 11 year old victim had seduced him. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principle. --- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be half asleep all winter is so strong in me. --- Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing."
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" ----------------------------- I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation for doing that. Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!" There were no signs against jumping off the train at the front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back, running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again. Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway until they told me to sit down and shut up.
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cleo Morgan, 67, Republic, Missouri Child molester claims he molested 11-year-old because she 'seduced' him A Missouri man accused of raping his 11-year-old neighbor told police on Monday that the girl "seduced him." Cleo Morgan, 67, faces one charge of statutory rape, four counts of statutory sodomy and two counts of child molestation. Over the past three to four months, the alleged victim regularly spent the night at the Republic home of Morgan and his wife, according to a probable cause statement obtained by KY3. The victim told police that she slept on the couch at the couple's home but Morgan repeatedly lured her into his bedroom and molested her. Police executed a search warrant on Morgan's home Monday night. Morgan allegedly first claimed he was innocent, then admitted to molesting the girl, saying he did it because she "seduced him." He says he broke it off when she "got real possessive of him." Family members of the victim told police that Morgan's wife banned the girl from the house a couple of weeks ago, and claimed it was because the child was "breaking up her marriage." She also reportedly claimed her husband was not a pedophile. The victim's mother gave investigators her daughter's diary, which included statements such as "I [heart] CFM" and "Party Cleo's B-Day," according to the Springfield News-Leader. Morgan is being held at the Greene County Jail on a $75,000 bond, according to The Republic Monitor. Tech Support Pits From: Gina Re: How do I write an eBook? Dear Webby Dear Webby How do I write an eBook? Do I really need any course and special programs for that? Gina Dear Gina It used to be a tricky challenge, but now it is easy. Just get Open Office. It is free. Open Office Don't fall for any of the hundreds of sites, that claim to have Open Office, but are just a bunch of nuisance ads. Use the WRITE program in that to write your book. Paginate it nicely, and then save it in PDF format. That is all there is to it nowadays. Upload the eBook, and hide the download on a secret page, that is only accessible as the "Thank You" page after paying for it with PayPal. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Shampoo Over the past forty years, I have saved hundreds of dollars on shampoo. Because you need to shampoo twice to really get a good lather, I use a gentle brand of plain old bar soap for the first wash. For the second wash, I use regular shampoo and always get luxurious lather. You never get that good lather with the first wash, no matter what you use. I save money on conditioner by diluting it and not rinsing after conditioning. I believe leaving the conditioner in is really good for your hair but you do need to remove the buildup after a time. Even at my age, I still get compliments on my hair. Source: I read this in a book over forty years ago. By Montana Jewel Therapy from Missoula, MT Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had....you know the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation!"
"How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his friend Greg. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Sam pressed. "Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ."

» Lego Views

Today in 
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands.
1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against 
 the government, began.
1768 The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an 
 outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned 
 to parliament as a member for Middlesex.
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed 
 all tea in the U.S. colonies.
1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France.
1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack 
 on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from 
 the British.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against 
 the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy.
1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers 
 to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced 
 in Missouri.
1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army.
1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in 
 Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the 
 celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S.
1876 Richard Wagner’s "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard 
 for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in 
 Philadelphia, PA.
1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost 
 $5,000 for a permit.
1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a 
 church service in Grafton, West Virginia.
1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the FBI.
1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel 
to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms.
1928 WGY-TV in Schenectady, NY, began regular television 
 programming.
1940 Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, 
 and Luxembourg.
1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German 
 air raid.
1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into 
 Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. 
1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender 
 to the Japanese.
1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands 
 to expel the Japanese.
1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation 
 of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16.
1962 Marvel Comics published the first issue of 
 "The Incredible Hulk."
1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris.
1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon 
 announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage.
1994 Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africa’s first 
 black president.
1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 
 2,400 people.
1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S. 
 in response to NATO's accidental bombing of the 
 Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia.
1999 The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain,
  Pitcher and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million.
2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, 
 due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire 
 had been deliberately set to clear brush.
2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede 
 at a soccer game.
2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with 
 no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. 
 secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds.
2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface
 to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three 
 U.S.-made Hawk missiles.
2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a 
 new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years.
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal 
 to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion.
2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces 
 of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called 
 the Freedom Tower). 
2014  smiled.


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Strip mail 




Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 9.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Man who Killed Wife 4 Days After Marriage For Life Insurance Policy, Gets Life Behind Bars. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
They can do all because they think they can. --- Virgil (70 BC - 19 BC) The unspoken word never does harm. --- Kossuth "Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber." --- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
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One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." The officer let him in.
Here is a classic: *TENDJEWBERRYMUD* It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud." Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying ' Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G : "You're welcome" ------------------- If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC) then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes.
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version It is called Orchis Italica, or The Naked Man Orchid. So funny, they come in all sorts of shapes and, umm? sizes.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michel Escoto, 42, Miami, Floriduh Man who Killed Wife 4 Days After Marriage For Life Insurance Policy, Gets Life Behind Bars. A South Florida man was sentenced to life in prison Wednesday for killing his wife of four days to collect a $1 million life insurance policy. A Miami-Dade County judge sentenced Michel Escoto, 42, after a jury convicted him last month of first-degree murder. Escoto was newly married to Wendy Trapaga, 21, when he strangled and beat her to death in October 2002, prosecutors said. Escoto initially tried to drug Trapaga during their Key West honeymoon and make her death look like an accidental drowning, but Trapaga complained her drink was too chalky. He tried to drown her again several days later in a Jacuzzi at Miami's Executive Airport Motel, but he couldn't get her to stay under water. He finally beat her to death with a tire iron outside a warehouse later that night, prosecutors said. The lead witness against Escoto was his ex-girlfriend, Yolanda Cerrillo. With immunity from prosecution, Cerrillo told jurors she helped Escoto plan the murder, ground up the prescription painkillers to knock Trapaga out and even practiced with Escoto how to drown the young woman. She also admitted driving Escoto away from the crime scene and taking him to dispose of the tire iron in Biscayne Bay. Escoto initially told detectives that he and Trapaga got into an argument the night she was killed. He said they left the motel, and she dropped him off at their South Beach apartment before driving off. But homicide detectives were immediately suspicious of his apparently forced grief and the insurance policy. Escoto eventually filed a lawsuit to collect the money but gave conflicting versions of what happened during the 2005 trial. The conflicting details led to his arrest, and he has remained in jail since then. Escoto represented himself during his murder trial. At one point, the judge found him in contempt of court for threatening a witness on the stand and gave him an extra 30 days in jail for that. Tech Support Pits From: Eleanor Re: Stripmail ? Dear Webby A friend told me you had a program to strip the >>>> from forwarded eails. What is the URL please and thank you? Eleanor Dear Eleanor Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Scroll down a bit till you see the stop sign with the AOL flag (>>>) on it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Evicting Carpenter Bees from your Home I am sharing this to hopefully help someone else out. I came up with this on my own after reading a lot about this problem. These bees had returned outside my home about 16 feet in the air, in a large mass in a small 1/4 inch X 2 foot long gap, going into the trimming on my large house, that is in good shape. They came back every year from about April to September. I had tried several things that didn't work. This is what has worked for me and has kept them away. Get a bottle of De-Solv-it (at Wal-Mart or Ace Hardware), and DAPtex Plus Multi-Purpose Foam Sealant (shoots with a straw that comes with it). At almost dark, or night with a flashlight - shoot De-Solv-it in the holes. It is greasy like WD40, and most importantly, is in a citrus solution that insects hate. Seal the holes with DAP through the straw, then spray De-Solv-it all over the outside. GENTLY wipe the excess of DAP off, taking only what's on the outside. The Dap on the inside is going to expand and get hard. Don't waste your $ on anything else but this DAP Product I've described, as this one is easy clean up afterwards. It is the only one I've found where you can rinse out the straw and spray nozzle with warm water, and reuse. Good Luck! By joey53Hop [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man."
Bobby asked his baby sitter for help in getting his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had already worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when my son said, "wrong feet!" She looked and sure enough, they were on the wrong feet. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My Mom said I have to wear them, because mine leak." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in my boots."

» Quick Stuff

Today in 
1429 Joan of Arc defeated the besieging English at Orleans.
1502 Christopher Columbus left Spain for his final trip to 
 the Western Hemisphere.
1671 Thomas "Captain" Blood stole the crown jewels from 
 the Tower of London.
1785 Joseph Bramah patented the beer-pump handle.
1825 The Chatham Theatre opened in New York City. It was 
 the first gas-lit theater in America.
1915 German and French forces fought the Battle of Artois.
1926 Americans Richard Byrd and Floyd Bennett became the 
 first men to fly an airplane over the North Pole.
1936 Fascist Italy took Addis Abba and annexed Ethiopia.
1941 The German submarine U-110 was captured at sea by 
 Britain's Royal navy.
1945 U.S. officials announced that the midnight 
 entertainment curfew was being lifted immediately.
1946 King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy abdicated and 
 was replaced by Umberto.
1955 West Germany joined NATO.
1960 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved for 
 sale an oral birth-control pill for the first time.
1962 A laser beam was successfully bounced off Moon for the 
 first time.
1978 The bullet-riddled body of former Italian Prime Minister 
 Aldo Moro was found in an automobile in the center of Rome. 
 The Red Brigades had abducted him.
1980 A Liberian freighter hit the Sunshine Skyway Bridge 
 over Tampa Bay in Florida. 35 motorists were killed and 
 a 1,400-foot section of the bridge collapsed.
1994 Nelson Mandela was chosen to be South Africa's first 
 black president.
1996 In video testimony to a courtroom in Little Rock, AR, 
 U.S. President Clinton insisted that he had nothing to 
 do with a $300,000 loan in the criminal case against 
 his former Whitewater partners.
2002 In Bethlehem, West Bank, a deal was reached that would 
 end the 38-day standoff at the Church of the Nativity. 
 Thirteen suspected militants were to be deported to 
 several different countries. The standoff had begun on 
 April 2, 2002.
2002 In Kaspiisk, Russia, 39 people were killed and at least 
 130 were injurde when a remote-controlled bomb exploded 
 during a holiday parade.
2002 In Bahrain, people were allowed to vote for 
 representatives for the first time in nearly 30 years. 
 Women were allowed to vote for the first time in the 
 country's history
2014  smiled.


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Why not Norton? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 8.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two SC women who assaulted and tasered the father of their kids. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" for the first time.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. --- Charles Austin Beard (1874 - 1948)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I like you so much!!" "No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" "NO, no. I just can't." "Pleeeeease?..." Out of the blue, ! the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"
Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at LaSalle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him. Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports maga- zine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor. Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breath- lessly said, "Hello?" The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris?" "Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly. Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tabitha Martin, 23 and Courtney Littlejohn, 23 in Spartanburg, South Carolina Baby Mamas In Tag-Team Taser Assault Of Daddy A South Carolina man was pummeled and tased yesterday afternoon by his “baby’s mama” and his “other baby’s mama,” who teamed up to ambush and assault the father of their children since he “has a new girlfriend,” cops report. According to a Spartanburg Police Department report, Rodrick Tucker, 21, told officers that Tabitha Martin, 23, invited him to her apartment Tuesday. Tucker, who described Martin as his “baby’s mama,” added that when he arrived at the residence, Martin invited him into the bedroom. Tucker told police that “once he was lying on the bed” in Martin’s apartment, Courtney Littlejohn--his “other baby’s mama”--entered the bedroom. Tucker, who was likely expecting an afternoon delight, quickly became the target of a tag-team attack. The women, Tucker told police, yanked him off the bed and began “repeatedly punching him in the face and head.” After escaping the bedroom, Tucker said he was “again knocked to the floor.” He added that Littlejohn, 23, “sat on top of him, not allowing him to get up.” Tucker said that “both females began to tase him several times with a stun-gun.” After again freeing himself from the pair’s clutches, Tucker said that he “picked up his baby, thinking the ladies would stop attacking him” while he was holding the small human shield. That was a miscalculation on Tucker’s part. The women, he said, “continued to swing at him until he finally gave the baby to Ms. Martin,” police reported. Tucker, who fled the home after handing over the baby, told cops that he believed Martin and Littlejohn “were mad at him because he has a new girlfriend.” A check of Tucker’s Facebook page reveals a May 1 update indicating that he is now in a new romantic relationship. Tucker lists his occupation as “Certified Sex Specialist” in the “About” section of his Facebook page. Along with taking Tucker’s statement, police photographed his “injuries and torn clothing.” Martin and Littlejohn have been arrested on Wednesday, May 7. Bail has not been set yet. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Why not Norton ? Dear Webby Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing. Carol Dear Carol Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean un-install and in some cases has required formatting to completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't recommend it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Beach Rocks Inside Vases I keep my fresh flowers longer by putting them in stones I've collected at the beach. The jar is decorated with rub on decals. When flowers die, I clean off rocks, add shells and leave it. By Moonseekerjade from Onset, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Groan Alert: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!"
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

» Island of Shells

Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit and his army reached Hungary. 
 They passed through without incident.
1450 Jack Cade's Rebellion-Kentishmen revolted against 
 King Henry VI.
1541 Hernando de Soto reached the Mississippi River. 
 He called it Rio de Espiritu Santo.
1794 Antoine Lavoisier was executed by guillotine. He was 
 the French chemist who discovered oxygen.
1794 The United States Post Office was established.
1846 The first major battle of the Mexican War was fought. 
 The battle occurred in Palo Alto, TX.
1847 The rubber tire was patented by Robert W. Thompson.
1879 George Selden applied for the first automobile patent.
1886 Pharmacist Dr. John Styth Pemberton invented what would 
 later be called "Coca-Cola."
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangier to protect the Belgian 
 legation.
1914 The U.S. Congress passed a Joint Resolution that 
 designated the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
1919 The first transatlantic flight took-off by a 
 navy seaplane.
1921 Sweden abolished capital punishment.
1933 Gandhi began a hunger strike to protest British 
 oppression in India.
1943 The Germans suppressed a revolt by Polish Jews and 
 eventually destroyed the Warsaw Ghetto.
1945 U.S. President Harry Truman announced that World War II 
 had ended in Europe.
1956 Alfred E. Neuman appeared on the cover of "Mad Magazine" 
 for the first time.
1960 Diplomatic relations between Cuba and the Soviet Union 
 resumed.
1970 Construction workers broke up an anti-war protest on 
 New York City's Wall Street.
1973 Militant American Indians who had held the South Dakota 
 hamlet of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks surrendered.
1984 The Soviet Union announced that they would not 
 participate in the 1984 Summer Olympics Games in Los Angeles.
1985 "New Coke" was released to the public on the 99th 
 anniversary of Coca-Cola.
1986 Reporters were told that 84,000 people had been evacuated 
 from areas near the Chernobyl nuclear plant in Soviet Ukraine.
1998 A pipe burst leaving a million residents without water 
 in Malaysia's capital area. This added to four days of 
 shortages that 2 million already faced.
1999 The first female cadet graduated from The Citadel 
 military college. 
2014  smiled.


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Are cookies required for Gmail even on Chrome? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 7.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teen Who Shot 'Me Driving Like An Idiot' Video Arrested For Driving Like Idio Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"
*Seen Signs* These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for Littering On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewellery store: Genuine Faux Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas. On a Rapid City store: Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Charles Kelley IV, 18, New Smyrna Beach, Floriduh Teen Who Shot 'Me Driving Like An Idiot' Video Arrested For Driving Like Idiot A Florida teen was arrested Friday, days after police say he uploaded a video titled "Me Driving Like An Idiot" to YouTube. The video, which police say was shot on April 28, allegedly shows 18-year-old Robert Charles Kelley of New Smyrna Beach running red lights and weaving in and out of traffic before striking another car with his 1994 Honda, the News-Journal Online reported. The driver featured in the video is then seen fleeing the scene of the crash, then ramming into three more cars stopped at a red light. Techno music plays in the background throughout the video. After the second crash, police say Kelley suffered serious injuries and was taken by helicopter to a hospital. "He had to be extracted from his vehicle," New Smyrna Beach Police Master Sgt Eugene Griffith told WESH. "They had to cut him out of his vehicle." Kelley has never been issued a driver's license, according to police. "Me Driving Like An Idiot" was uploaded to YouTube the day after the crashes, while Kelley was still in the hospital. Three other people were injured in the crashes, though non suffered life-threatening injuries. "It appears to be an accurate account of that day," Griffith told WFTV. Police waited until Friday to arrest Kelley because of the nature of his injuries. He is charged with leaving the scene of an accident with injuries, reckless driving and driving without a license. Tech Support Pits From: Gene Re: Why does Gmail want cookies? Dear Webby Why does Gmail demand cookies, even with Chrome as the browser? Gene Dear Gene Gmail stores your preferences and settings in cookies. In the old days, that info would have been in a plain text PIF (Program Information File), that was easiy accessible. Nowadays, that info is carried in cookies. Same thing, just less accesible. Your password is stashed somewhere else. The cookies just have harmless information like color settings and simple preferences. They are safe and nothing to worry about. You can safely allow cookies set by a program, just deny third party cookies. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Powder for Squeaky Floor I have had great results using this little trick my mom told me about many years ago. We used to live in an old farm house with wood floors that squeaked everywhere. She sprinkled baby powder on the floor, and swept in into the cracks. Voila, no more squeaks! Although she did intentionally still leave a few squeaks by the doors just so she would know when one off her kids were coming home late! By Barb K. from Brownsdale, MN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

» Island of Shells

Today in 
0558 The dome of the church of St. Sophia in Constantinople 
 collapsed. It was immediately rebuilt as ordered by Justinian.
1274 The Second Council of Lyons opened in France to regulate 
 the election of the pope.
1429 The English siege of Orleans was broken by Joan of Arc.
1525 The German peasants' revolt was crushed by the ruling 
 class and church.
1763 Indian chief Pontiac began all out war on the British 
 in New York.
1800 The U.S. Congress divided the Northwest Territory into 
 two parts. The western part became the Indiana Territory 
 and the eastern section remained the Northwest Territory.
1912 The first airplane equipped with a machine gun flew 
 over College Park, MD.
1915 The Lusitania, a civilian ship carrying gas and ammo,
 was sunk by a German submarine. 1,201 people were killed.
1926 A U.S. report showed that one-third of the nation's 
 exports were motors.
1937 The German Condor Legion arrived in Spain to assist 
 Franco’s forces.
1939 Germany and Italy announced a military and political 
 alliance known as the Rome-Berlin Axis.
1940 Winston Churchill became British Prime Minister.
1942 In the Battle of the Coral Sea, Japanese and American 
 navies attacked each other with carrier planes. It was 
 the first time in the history of naval warfare where 
 two enemy fleets fought without seeing each other.
1943 The last major German strongholds in North Africa, 
 Tunis and Bizerte, fell to Allied forces.
1945 Germany signed unconditional surrender ending 
 World War II. It would take effect the next day.
1946 Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corp. was founded. 
 The company was later renamed Sony.
1951 Russia was admitted to participate in the 1952 
 Olympic Games by the International Olympic Committee.
1954 French Colonial Forces surrendered to the Vietminh 
 at Dien Bien Phu after 55 days of fighting.
1954 The United States and the United Kingdom rejected 
 the Soviet Union's bid to join NATO.
1975 U.S. President Ford declared an end to the Vietnam War.
1977 Rookie Janet Guthrie set the fastest time on opening 
 day of practice for the Indianapolis 500. 
 Her time was 185.607.
1984 A $180 million out-of-court settlement was announced 
 in the Agent Orange class-action suit brought by Vietnam 
 veterans who claimed they had suffered injury from 
 exposure to the defoliant while serving in the armed forces.
1992 A 203-year-old proposed constitutional amendment barring 
 the U.S. Congress from giving itself a midterm pay raise was 
 ratified as the 27th Amendment.
1997 A report released by the U.S. government said that 
 Switzerland provided Nazi Germany with equipment and 
 credit during World War II. Germany paid with gold,  
 that had been plundered or stolen.
1998 Daimler-Benz bought Chrysler Corp. for close to 
 $40 billion. It was the largest industrial merger on record.
1999 In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, three Chinese citizens were 
 killed and 20 were wounded when a NATO plane mistakenly 
 bombed the Chinese embassy.
1999 In Guinea-Bissau, the government of President 
 João Bernardo Vieira was ousted in a military coup.
2003 In Washington, DC, General Motors Corp. delivered 
 six fuel cell vehicles to Capitol Hill for lawmakers 
 and others to test drive during the next two years.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail demands cookies!  




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 6.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Boston gang member sinks self with Twitter gun pix Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were killed.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
They always talk who never think. --- Matthew Prior (1664 - 1721)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
>From Nanarina Why Jewish daughters need therapy!!! JewishMother: "Hello?" Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?" JewishMother: "You're going out?" Daughter: "Yes." JewishMother: "With whom?" Daughter: "With a friend." JewishMother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man." Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me! " JewishMother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies." Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? " JewishMother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father." Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did, and I don't." JewishMother: "What are you hinting at? " Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight." JewishMother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will yourhusband say if he finds out?" Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he leftme, he probably never slept alone!" JewishMother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?" Daughter:"He's not a loser." JewishMother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loserand a parasite." Daughter:"I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? " JewishMother: "Poor children with such a mother." Daughter:"Such a what?" JewishMother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you." Daughter:"ENOUGH!!! " JewishMother "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!" Daughter:"Now you're worried about the loser? " JewishMother: "Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately." Daughter:"Goodbye, mother." JewishMother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter:"I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!" JewishMother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?"
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!
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Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kwmaine Davis, 23, Boston, MA Gang Member Sinks Self With Twitter Gun Pix Kwmaine Davis has 328 Twitter followers. Unfortunately for the 23-year-old Davis, that number includes Officer Brian Delahanty of the Boston Police Department. As part of his duties with the BPD’s Youth Violence Strike Force, Delahanty has been surreptitiously following Davis on Twitter, since the convicted felon is associated with H-Bloc, a gang operating from Boston’s Roxbury neighborhood. H-Bloc members are known to dress in silver and black clothing emblazoned with the Oakland Raiders logo. Along with offers to sell pot and photos of some favorite meals, Davis’s Twitter feed includes such observations as “If tha pussy don't sound like mac n cheese when you hitting it…it ain't that grease” and “Bitches love sucking dick drunk I'll tell ya.” Davis, who uses the handle “DopeMan,” can be found on Twitter at @superfreakmaino. Those messages, however, were not of interest to Delahanty. Instead, the cop alerted to a pair of recent Davis tweets that included photos showing him posing with a Smith & Wesson .44 caliber handgun and a Sig Sauer .380 caliber pistol. The photos were taken on consecutive days in February at a firing range in Salisbury, a town 45 miles north of Boston. Davis is pictured above holding the Smith & Wesson, which was outfitted with an optical scope. He is seen at left holding two other guns at the Salisbury range. Since Davis is a felon--he was convicted of illegal weapons and ammo possession in 2009--he is not allowed to possess a firearm (even one rented from a firing range). Alarmed that a gang member appeared to be trying to improve his marksmanship, Boston police contacted the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. A subsequent ATF probe resulted in the filing of a felony complaint charging Davis with being a felon in possession of a firearm. Davis was arrested Wednesday by federal agents and remains in custody in advance of a May 9 detention hearing in U.S. District Court in Boston. In an affidavit filed today, a Boston detective cited Davis’s affiliation with the H-Bloc gang as reason for a federal magistrate to deny him bail. Davis’s trip to the firing range, the cop noted, was “intended to increase his firearm proficiency for illegal purposes rather than for any sporting or recreational reason.” Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Gmail wants cookies Dear Webby A friend who is older than you and I just called to tell me she switched from IE to Firefox and can no longer download her gmail. She keeps getting a message that tells her to enable cookies (I believe on Google Chrome). Base on your recommendations I use Firefox and Eudora and do not have any knowledge of gmail or how to advise her. Would you please in very, very simple terms that I can relate to her how to configure Firefox to permit her to receive her gmail? FYI, Ark City was 100 both yesterday and today, no rain. To early for this heat . Wichita 102 on Sunday. Thank you for the help Frank Dear Frank Here it is 33 degrees in your quaint British Loyalist units. +1 C in metric But the snow is slowly melting. How to enable FireFox Cookies: http://webby.com/FFcookies Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Those Buttons On When my twin boys were in grade school, one of them always came home from school missing a button. It was very frustrating, but they were very good at keeping the button and bring it home. Then it hit me! They couldn't resist pulling that little lead thread to see the button come off really quick. But I fixed them good, I dropped a very small dab of nail glue on the reverse side of the button, where it is sewn through the fabric. It worked perfectly. Be very careful not to drip on other areas of the garment, I protected it with paper towels. Even those little boys thought that was a great idea, and I'm am still tempted to do it now, even though they are 22 years old. ;) By NinaL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and hangs each one on the refrigerator. But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but everything seems perfectly normal. Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left in mine are black and brown."
The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant." "WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants." "Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized."

» Snazzy Science

Today in 
1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the 
 end of the Renaissance.
1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of 
 Ghagra, India.
1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France.
1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by 
 Dr. John Gorrie.
1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock.
1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska.
1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The 
 act barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years.
1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, 
 marking the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the 
 exposition was the first automobile in Paris, 
 the Mercedes-Benz.
1910 Kind Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by 
 his second son, George V.
1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in 
 Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) 
 were killed.
1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership.
1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of 
 the Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on 
 Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese.
1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to 
 Allied troops.
1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the 
 Pulitzer Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage".
1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold 
 for $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid 
 (at the time) for a painting by a living artist.
1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong 
 Jones. They were divorced in 1978.
1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act
 of 1960.
1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris 
 submarine.
1994 The Chunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the 
 English Channel links England and France.
1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit 
 against U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he 
 had sexually harassed her in 1991.
1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to 
 25 years in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen 
 Proving Ground in Maryland.
1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of 
 $600 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from 
 tainted blood between 1978-1985.
1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. 
 She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's 
 wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face.
2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police 
 in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002 
 in Rock Creek Park.
2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than 
 $100 million in its first weekend.
2014  smiled.


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Can you convert Excel files to Works files? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 5.

Happy Cinco de Mayo Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a teacher in Wales, who seduced a 16 year old boy with racy pictures on FaceBook Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. --- Mick Jagger (1943 - )
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A flight attendant noticed a passenger clutching the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white. "Are you nervous?" she asked. "I'm petrified!" said the man. "I don't travel well in the best of times, but lately . . ." "I understand," the attendant said. "You must develop a sense of balance and reality about such things. Some say, if it's your time, it's your time. There's nothing you can do." "I know," said the man, "but I'd feel better on the train." "The train?" chuckled the attendant. "Did you read about the train going through Death Valley last month? A clear, hot day; miles of visibility; nothing near the track for miles; then - Boom! - the train exploded and all was lost." "Heavens!" said the man. "What happened?" Answered the attendant: "A plane fell on it."
My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand and a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear- cut swath leading out of the woods. "There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"
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>From Violeta Flores Morales Click on the picture for the large version SAN CARLOS GUAYMAS
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clare Horton, 33, Leckwith, Cardiff, Wales, UK Teacher seduced 16 year old with racy pictures. A teacher in Wales, U.K., has been banned indefinitely from teaching after a disciplinary panel heard she seduced a 16-year-old student by sending him racy photos of herself on Facebook. Clare Horton, 33, sent photos of herself in revealing clothing to a high school student at Fitzalan High School in Leckwith, Cardiff, while he was on study leave for exams. Horton met up with the student for a "rendezvous" during his leave, then allegedly drove him back to her place for what the Mirror called "an afternoon sex session." According to the Telegraph, the student told police that he'd had sex with the design and technology teacher on the sofa at her home after she'd driven him there. Horton, who was going through a divorce at the time the inappropriate contact occurred, admitted to sending the photos but denied that she'd had sex with the student. "He slept at my house and so did I. I slept alongside him. We did not have sexual intercourse," Horton said, according to the Metro. Horton told the panel that the two had fallen asleep on her sofa after talking. "To be told I was anything other than ugly, fat, useless and worthless was a safety blanket that I foolishly used," Horton said. "He was very kind and listened. I was just talking about what was going on with my ex-husband." Rumors that the teacher and student had sex spread around the school, coming to the attention of administration. Horton resigned shortly thereafter. The student also told police that he didn't want to press charges because of his "strict religious beliefs." Prosecutors aren't moving forward with criminal charges, but Horton received an indefinite ban from teaching for her "inappropriate and sexual relationship" with the student. Tech Support Pits From: Walt Re: Excel versus Works Dear Webby I have 2 computers. one with MS Works (Spreadsheet) and one with Excel. Is the any way to transfer the files across systems so I can work on the same spreadsheet on either system. ie: XLR to XLS convert then reconvert XLS to XLR. I thought i had seen a procedure to accomplish this.. Thanks as always, Walt Dear Walt Excel opens Works files, but I doubt that you can save them as Works files afterward. Most likely not, since both are Microsoft products and therefore probably not compatible. Works is a clone of the Tandy Deskmate, Excel is a clone of Borland's Quattro. They have totally different roots. The group that cloned Quattro and saved it as Excel, apparently didn't know that Works also had a spreadsheet in it, and made no attempt to become compatible with it. Excel is compatible with Quattro. I would recommend that you go to eBay and buy an older version of Corell Office. You can usually get a version 8, 9, 10, or 11 for $10 - $15. Each of them has Quattro in it, and NO greedy copy protection. You can put it on as many machines as you want. Then pick up your Works files with Excel and save them as Excel files. Finally, pick those up with Quattro. Quattro can save them as either Quattro files or as Excel files. However, the biggest advantage is that with Quattro you can work across your home network. Theoretically you could do that with Excel too, but if you try that, be ready for unpleasant unpredictability. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oxi-Clean For Stains I have been playing with Oxi-Clean powder lately. I used it to clean a badly mildewed life jacket and it came out like new. On clothing, it will remove yellowing. I've tried it on walls, furniture, floors, etc. Great stuff! Just an FYI. By arsonhorse from Denham Springs, LA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An area minister tells of his first Sunday in the new parish and presenting the children's message. Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture. And then he said, "You see each of you is a little pane." And then pointing to each child individually, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..." It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing.
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer."

» Otter Mania

Today in 
1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip 
 to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria.
1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the 
 USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was 
 launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea.
1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. 
 It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread.
1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, 
 Oswego, NY.
1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium.
1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated 
 as Cinco de Mayo Day.
1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing 
 slavery in the U.S.
1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was 
 later renamed Carnegie Hall.
1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese 
 Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese 
 in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation.
1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at 
 the Church of St. Andrew in New York City.
1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing.
1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic.
1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was 
 arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution.
1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in 
 Germany for the first time.
1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith."
1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on 
 bottle cap with a pour lip.
1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazis.
1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain 
 in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed.
1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became 
 a sovereign state.
1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when 
 he made a 15 minute suborbital flight.
1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened.
2014  smiled.


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How to transfer pictures from phone to computer 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, May 4.
6" new snow. The lawn mower is quite safe.
There was a light blizzard, when I went for my walk in the
evening. Since the temperature was only around freezing,
that was no big deal, even pleasant. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Californian, who stole car to attend court hearing about stealing a car Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti
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In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!" When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- spinal meningitis.
A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses. That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed. Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

Click on the picture for the large version Smoke rises from the burning Jianye building on December 15, 2013 in Guangzhou, China. A fire broke out in the unfinished Jianye Building at about 7 p.m. on Sunday with around 380 firemen attending the blaze
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Timothy Frederick Knight, 53, Daly City, California Stole Car To Attend Court Hearing About Stealing A Car On the one hand, accused car thief Timothy Frederick Knight showed up for his court hearing last month. On the other hand, he's accused of stealing another car to do it. “He obviously wanted to make sure he didn’t fail to appear,” District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe told the San Mateo Daily Journal. Knight, 53, allegedly stole a Honda Accord in Daly City, outside San Francisco, last month. Police found the car parked in the street and placed a tracker in it. The next day, Knight allegedly drove the Accord to court. He was arrested after leaving the hearing in the vehicle, SFGate reports. Police say the screwdriver used to punch the ignition was still on the floor. Knight has seven prior felony convictions, CBS SF reported. He has pleaded not guilty to the new charges, and is currently in custody in lieu of $165,000 bail -- $65,000 for the first case and $100,000 for the second. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: How to transfer picture from camera Hey Webby! Good morning! I need a little help. I have a pic on my new Galaxy Mega that I want to transfer to My Pictures on the computer. I e-mailed it to myself and received it ok but when I try to get it to My Pictures I get nothing. Is there a cure? Thanks for taking your time for this. Jim Dear Jim Depending on your email program, the picture should be in a folder named EMBEDDED or ATTACHED or something similar, in the directory of your email program. You can drag it from there to "My Pictures". Another method is to send that email to your browser. In the browser you can right-click the picture, and save it to "My Pictures", or copy it, and then paste it as a new picture in your graphics program. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cinnamon to Deter Ants Take cinnamon, sprinkle ever so lightly where ants like to come in, even outside. They will not cross the cinnamon line! Source: Do not know her name, just met one day! By Cheryl's Mom [42] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
A census taker knocked on a lady's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly." he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he said as he wrote on his form.

» WILD-life pix

Today in 
1471 In England, the Yorkists defeated the Landcastrians 
 at the battle of Tewkesbury in the War of the Roses.
1493 Alexander VI divided non-Christian world between 
 Spain and Portugal.
1626 Dutch explorer Peter Minuit landed on Manhattan Island. 
 Native Americans later sold the island (20,000 acres) for 
 $24 in cloth and buttons.
1715 A French manufacturer debuted the first folding umbrella.
1776 Rhode Island declared its freedom from England two months 
 before the Declaration of Independence was adopted.
1795 Thousands of rioters entered jails in Lyons, France, 
 and massacre 99 Jacobin prisoners.
1814 Napoleon Bonaparte disembarked at Portoferraio on the 
 island of Elba in the Mediterranean.
1886 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter patented the 
 gramophone. It was the first practical phonograph.
1916 Germany agreed to limit its submarine warfare after a 
 demand from U.S. President Wilson.
1930 Mahatma Gandhi was arrested by the British.
1932 Al Capone entered the Atlanta Penitentiary federal 
 prison for income-tax evasion.
1942 The Battle of the Coral Sea commenced as American and 
 Japanese carriers launched their attacks at each other.
1942 The United States began food rationing.
1946 A two-day riot at Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay 
 ended. Five people were killed.
1970 The Ohio National Guardsmen opened fire on students 
 during an anti-Vietnam war protest at Kent State University. 
 Four students were killed and nine others were wounded.
1979 Margaret Thatcher became Britain's first woman 
 prime minister.
1989 Oliver North, a former White House aide was convicted 
 of shredding documents and two other crimes. He was acquitted 
 of nine other charges stemming from the Iran-Contra affair. 
 The three convictions were later overturned on appeal.
1998 Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski was given four life 
 sentences plus 30 years by a federal judge in Sacramento, CA. 
 The sentence was under a plea agreement that spared Kaczynski 
 the death penalty.
2000 Londoners elected their mayor for the first time.
2010 Pablo Picasso's "Nude, Green Leaves and Bust" sold for 
$106.5 million. 
2014  smiled.


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How to "get rid of IE hack"? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 3.

Last night, by the time I  shut down around 04:30, it had
started to rain. First rain of the year!
By noon the lawn had some green patches in the brown.
By evening the rain turned to snow. 
No panic yet about readying the lawn mower. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to woman in Texas, who went berserk about a corn dog Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
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Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilization. --- Charles Lindbergh (1902 - 1974)
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The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
A couple was going out for the evening. They were both ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out." The taxi driver laughed so hard, he almost hit a parked car.
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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Luxor, Egypt
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charmelle Henry, 45, Midland, Texas Corn Dog Raider She's really in the doghouse now. A West Texas woman is in jail after allegedly threatening the lives of a store employee over corn dogs Tuesday. Workers at a Midland, Texas business said Charmelle Henry threw 75 cents at them and demanded a corn dog, according to News West 9. When the 45-year-old wasn't happy with the corn dog she received, she threw that at them as well and demanded a dog that was not microwaved. After giving her a second corn dog, the workers noticed that Henry had a knife in her hand. She allegedly told the workers that she would "stab [them] in cold blood" unless she got another corn dog. She also began stabbing the counter with her pocketknife, according to an arrest report obtained by MRT.com. One employee called police, who subdued the "extremely agitated" woman with a K-9 unit until she followed their orders. WFAA reports she faces two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: How to get rid of IE Hack Dear Webby .... You're wonderful! While I'm at it....what can one do if he has already fallen into the internet explorer trap? Anything besides taking it to the shop? Really enjoy your stuff. First thing I look at (after Ophelia). : ) Jim Dear Jim The Internet Explorer hack is not a virus, that can be removed, it's a hole in Internet Explorer, through which hackers can enter your computer and get access to all your information. Simply don't use Internet Explorer until Microsoft has fixed their problem. Make Firefox or Chrome or Opera or Safari your default browser. In most cases, that will be enough. If you have some program, that specifically calls Internet Explorer, replace that program with a better one, or UNinstall Internet Explorer. Because Microsoft has interwoven Internet Explorer with all kinds of Windows functions, - and got sued for really big money about that by the European Union-, here it is not fast or easy to weed it out. If you do decide to get rid of it, save all your work and close all running programs, since you will have to reboot anyway. Then follow the instructions at How-To-Geek: Remove IE Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Unwanted Gifts At Garage Sales All year long, I love to go garage sale hopping. If you go early, you get the best stuff. Many people get gifts that are just not their thing and sell them at the garage sales. These gifts are bath sets, unopened games, oh the list is long. I get these gifts and hide them in my gift closet. There is always someone that gets forgotten and you have a gift for them - co-worker newspaper carrier, even the mail lady. This also helps when I have been invited to a home party and they make great hostess gifts, too! I save about 10-20 dollars per gift. By Lorna from Clinton, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store. "For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a small sale into a bigger one and make more commission." The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and was eager to try the technique on his very next customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed gentleman who shyly requested a box of Tampax for his wife. Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed to see The customer staggering out loaded down with assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a one-man inflatable life raft. "What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale." "Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he wanted was a box of Tampax." "I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister, there isn't going to be much doing around your house this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'"
A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer. "That's a good price, but it really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?" Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. "This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65." The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision... "You know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"

» WILD-life pix

Today in 
1568 - French forces in Florida slaughtered hundreds of Spanish.
1802 - Washington, DC, was incorporated as a city.
1859 - France declared war on Austria.
1888 - Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Works.
1916 - Irish nationalist Padraic Pearse and two others were 
 executed by the British for their roles in the Easter Rising.
1921 - West Virginia imposed the first state sales tax.
1926 - In Britain, trade unions began a general strike.
1945 - Indian forces captured Rangoon, Burma, from 
 the Japanese.
1948 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that covenants 
 prohibiting the sale of real estate to blacks and other 
 minorities were legally unenforceable.
1952 - The first airplane landed at the geographic North Pole.
1968 - After three days of battle, the U.S. Marines retook 
 Dai Do complex in Vietnam. They found that the North 
 Vietnamese had evacuated the area.
1971 - Anti-war protesters began four days of demonstrations 
 in Washington, DC.
1986 - In NASA's first post-Challenger launch, an unmanned 
 Delta rocket lost power in its main engine shortly after 
 liftoff. Safety officers destroyed it by remote control.
1988 - The White House acknowledged that first lady Nancy 
 Reagan had used astrological advice to help schedule 
 her husband's activities.
1992 - Five days of rioting and looting ended in Los Angeles, 
 CA. The riots, that killed 53 people, began after the 
 acquittal of police officers in the beating of Rodney King.
1997 - The "Republic of Texas" surrendered to authorities 
 ending an armed standoff where two people were held hostage. 
 The group asserts the independence of Texas from the U.S.
2000 - The trial of two Libyans accused of killing 270 people 
 in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 (over Lockerbie) opened.
2006 - In Alexandria, VA, Al-Quaida conspirator Zacarias 
 Moussaoui was given a sentence of life in prison for his 
 role in the terrorist attack on the U.S. on 
 September 11, 2001. 
2014  smiled.


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