FireFox 30 is OK, except for bleeding top bar 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 26.

Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is still down.
Mañana. Maybe.
The good news is that it looks like they are finally 
moving up to a Linux server. Right now they are still
stumped and apparently don't realize how much simpler
it actually is. I am sure they will get the hng of it soon.

I got strep throat or something nasty like that. 
You would not believe how tempting it would be to crawl
into bed and skip a day or two!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Birdhouse size "Little Library" ordered torn down in Kansas Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward an employee.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)
This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?
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Three guys were standing around talking about dying when one asked, "What would you like people to say about you as they come to pay their last respects?" The second man said, "I hope they say I was a respected doctor in my field, a good family man, and had lots of friends." The third man said, "I hope they say I was a well spoken attorney, helped my fellow man, good citizen, and played a mean round of golf." The first man said, "That's probably what will be said of the two of you. My hope is that when they look down in my coffin, they say, "Look...he's moving"!
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the StoneCarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Coleman, City of Leawood, Kansas Kansas boy forced to remove little free library from his yard Spenser Collins, 9, loves to read. The idea of sharing his love of books with his neighbors thrills him. So with the help of his parents, he set up a Little Free Library in their yard in Leawood, Kansas. But the town of Leawood decided the birdhouse-sized library was an illegal structure and the family was ordered to remove it. The family moved the Little Free Library into their garage. But they are looking to take the issue with City Hall, reported ABC affiliate KMBC. The little library, which was made by the boy’s grandfather, was capable of holding a few books. Like the Little Free Libraries across the country, it had a “take a book, leave a book” note taped on its door. The bookshelf sat next to a bench on the family's front yard, which was intended to provide a spot for readers to enjoy their books. "When we got home from vacation, there was a letter from the city of Leawood saying that it was in code violation and it needed to be torn down by the 19th or we would receive a citation," Spencer's mother, Sarah Collins told KMBC. The City of Leawood bans buildings that aren't attached to homes. Since the library was a free standing structure in the family's front yard, it was considered illegal. The city claims that they have received two complaints regarding the library, according to Richard Coleman, Leawood's director of community development. "First, there was just a library. Then, a bench was place next to it. I think people were concerned there would be more and more stuff at their front yard," Coleman told ABC News. “I find it rather humorous that the city [of Leawood] thinks it is illegal," said Todd Bol, who helped create the Little Free Library movement in 2009. "It is a sweet thing that brings the community together." Bol said the Little Free Library has worked well in some of the toughest communities across the country. There are more than 16,000 Little Free Libraries in 72 countries, according to Bol. Collins family has set up a Facebook page to inform supporters of their progress. The page has received over 17,000 "likes." "Our city law has been around for over a decade. This is the first time that we have had a problem with this," Coleman said. "We think that it is a great program. It's just that the current ordinance doesn't allow it." Tech Support Pits From: Bree Re: FireFox 30 Bugs Dear Webby I notice you mention FireFox 30. Is it safe, and what kind of bugs do we have to expect? Bree Dear Bree Yes, FireFox 30 is safe and works well. The only bug I have an issue with is that the top Windows bar bleeds down into the tabs. I have used a light green fading to dark green top bar for active windows since Windows 3.1, and red fading to dark red for inactive windows. You were probably still jail-bait in those days, but that has become my standard set-up. There is no logical reason for the Windows top bar to bleed down onto the tab colors. Yes, I use Colorful Tabs 24.3. Highly recommended Add-on! I am sure somebody will craft a fix for that in the near future. In the meantime, that is the only FireFox 30 specific bug, that I have come across. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Change Shampoo Monthly After much displeasure with my hair, and after trying all the suggestions I received from friends and family, I decided that maybe my hair needed a change of shampoo. I found that by changing my shampoo every month or so, my hair was much more manageable. You may want to give a try. It worked for me. By Mary from Traverse City, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.
A man and his wife went to a psychiatrist to see if they could gain some relief for the man's belief that he was a refrigerator. After meeting with the husband, the psychiatrist assured the wife that there was nothing about which to be concerned. A bit perturbed the wife stated, "But doc at night when he sleeps with his mouth open the light keeps me awake!"

» Shortest Rivers

Today in 
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across 
 Sava, Hungary.
1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out 
 by the Mongols.
1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne.
1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle 
 of Fleurus.
1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth 
 of the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of 
 nearly 400 river miles.
1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr.
1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, 
 NJ, was opened to the public.
1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike in 
 sympathy with Pullman workers.
1900 The United States announced that it would send troops 
 to fight against the Boxer rebellion in China.
1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the 
 fight against the deadly disease yellow fever.
1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be 
 taken against revolutionaries.
1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform 
 elements of Parliament in Persia.
1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France 
 with the American Expeditionary Force.
1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy, "The Gold Rush," premiered 
 in Hollywood.
THAT was the only movie about Canada, that I had seen, 
before I arrived here!
1926 A memorial to the first U.S. troops in France was 
unveiled at St. Nazaire.
1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops left 
 the Dominican Republic.
1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the 
 first time.
1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San 
 Francisco, CA.
1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and 
 France started ferrying supplies to the isolated western 
 sector of Berlin.
1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean War.
1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen Elizabeth II 
 in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence Seaway.
1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans.
1963 U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin ein Berliner" 
 (I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall.
1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for Daniel 
 Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon Papers.
1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a state of 
 emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy."
1976 The CN (Canadian National) Tower in Toronto, Canada, opened.
1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was 
 retiring as world heavyweight boxing champion.
1981 In Mountain Home, Idaho, Virginia Campbell took her coupons 
 and rebates and bought $26,460 worth of groceries. She only paid 
 67 cents after all the discounts.
1985 Wilbur Snapp was ejected after playing "Three Blind Mice" 
 during a baseball game. The incident followed a call made by 
 umpire Keith O'Connor.
1987 The movie "Dragnet" opened in the U.S.
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military 
 Institute to admit women or forgo state support.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications 
 Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute 
 indecent material on the Internet.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow for 
 a ban on doctor-assisted suicides.
1998 The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to patrol 
 Peru's rivers for drug traffickers.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always 
 potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward 
 an employee.
2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
2014  smiled.


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PREVIOUS and NEXT buttons in FireFox 30 





Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 25.

Thanks Cookie!

Yes, I know that Ezinefinder is still down.
Manyana. Maybe.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Christian radio personality John Balyo admitted guilt in child-sex assault probe Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto thereby striking down presidential power to cancel specific items in tax and spending legislation.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)
>From Cookie Satnav I have a little Satnav, It sits there in my car A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav, I've had it most of my life It's better than the normal ones, My Satnav is my wife. It gives me full instructions, Especially how to drive "It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five". It tells me when to stop and start, And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever, Safe to overtake. It tells me when a light is red, And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively, Just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front, And all those to the rear And taking this into account, It specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver, Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car, It still gives its advice. It fills me up with counseling, Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it, And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed It washes all my shirts and things, And keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages, And my tendency to scoff, I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off!!
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"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No" After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Balyo, Christian radio personality John Balyo admitted guilt in child-sex assault probe Authorities in Michigan say Christian radio personality John Balyo paid to have sexual encounters with minors. Homeland Security agents and officers from the Michigan State Police and Battle Creek Police Department arrested Balyo, 35, Friday at a Christian music festival in Gaylord, Michigan. Balyo is facing charges of first-degree (penetration) criminal sexual conduct, and has admitted guilt in ONE case, according to a press release by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. "Baylo paid a defendant, who is the subject of a separate child-exploitation investigation, to arrange sexual encounters with minor victims," investigators said in the press release. The man Balyo allegedly paid to arrange the encounters has been identified by police as Ronald Lee Moser. The 42-year-old was indicted earlier this month in federal court on child exploitation and child pornography charges. "They would meet in hotels in areas around Grand Rapids and Balyo would have sex with the children," a Homeland Security agent told Woodtv.com. Balyo's $500,000 bail has been revoked after his admission to one count, and more to be expected. Balyo was instantly fired from his radio host job. No comment is available from his wife, whom he married two months ago. Tech Support Pits From: Dana Re: FireFox 30 Forward and backward icons Dear Webby Version 30 of FireFox seems to work reasonably well, but of course the thilly brats had to change the user interface, so that we would notice that they are still on the loose. Now the Forward and Backward icons are gone. Restoring Default and laboriously getting all the prferences and stuff back the way it should be, does not help. However, at some random times those icons do appear! What is the story? Dana Dear Dana What we had wanted was the wastefully huge padding between icons removed. Unfortunately, whoever had put in the extra wide padding seems to have grown up and got a job somewhere. So, since they could not fix the padding, they made the NEXT and PREVIOUS icons "magic". If you open a tab from an email link, then there is no previous page to go to, so they don't show the PREVIOUS icon. The same for the NEXT. If you have not gone to a PREVIOUS page, then there is no NEXT page to return to, so they don't show the NEXT icon. It makes the top bar a bit spastic, but it does work, and now that you know what is going on, you will soon get comfortable with it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Very Burnt Saucepan Cleaning a Very Burnt Saucepan I took a telephone call and completely forgot my saucepan boiling my Udon noodles. I didn't think anything would shift the burnt-on food. How wrong I was. I soaked the pot for two days with cheap cola (17p for 2 litres in my supermarket) and a dash of bicarbonate of soda (baking soda). I was then able to remove all burnt residue with a ball of foil and it came up as shiny as if it was new! By Monique [97] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant Home Hardware store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries? Or do you want to ride down there with me?"
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The whole rest of your life."

» High Fivers

Today in 
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeated 
 Lothar at Fontenay.
1080 At Brixen, a council of bishops declared Pope Gregory 
 to be deposed and Archbishop Guibert as antipope Clement III.
1580 The Book of Concord was first published. The book is a 
 collection of doctrinal standards of the Lutheran Church.
1658 Aurangzeb proclaimed himself emperor of the Moghuls 
 in India.
1767 Mexican Indians rioted as Jesuit priests were 
 ordered home.
1864 Union troops surrounding Petersburg, VA, began building 
 a mine tunnel underneath the Confederate lines.
1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire.
1868 The U.S. Congress enacted legislation granting an 
 eight-hour day to workers employed by the Federal government.
1870 In Spain, Queen Isabella abdicated in favor of Alfonso XII.
1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry were 
 killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn in 
 Montana. The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand."
1877 In Philadelphia, PA, Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated 
 the telephone for Sir William Thomson (Baron Kelvin) and 
 Emperor Pedro II of Brazil at the Centennial Exhibition.
1910 The U.S. Congress authorized the use of postal savings 
 stamps.
1917 The first American fighting troops landed in France.
1920 The Greeks took 8,000 Turkish prisoners in Smyrna.
1941 Finland, after asking germany for help, declared war on 
 the Soviet Union.
1946 Ho Chi Minh traveled to France for talks on Vietnamese 
 independence.
1948 The Soviet Union tightened its blockade of Berlin by 
 intercepting river barges heading for the city.
1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean War.
1959 The Cuban government seized 2.35 million acres under a 
 new agrarian reform law.
1959 Eamon De Valera became president of Ireland at the age of 76.
1962 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the use of unofficial 
 non-denominational prayer in public schools was unconstitutional.
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson ordered 200 naval personnel 
 to Mississippi to assist in finding three missing civil rights workers.
1970 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission handed down a 
 ruling (35 FR 7732), making it illegal for radio stations to put 
 telephone calls on the air without the permission of the person 
 being called.
1973 White House Counsel John Dean admitted that U.S. President 
 Nixon took part in the Watergate cover-up.
1975 Mozambique became independent. Samora Machel was sworn in 
 as president after 477 years of Portuguese rule.
1981 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that male-only draft 
 registration was constitutional.
1986 The U.S. Congress approved $100 million in aid to the 
 Contras fighting in Nicaragua.
1987 Austrian President Kurt Waldheim visited Pope John Paul II 
 at the Vatican. The meeting was controversial due to 
 allegations that Waldheim had hidden his Nazi past.
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of an individual, 
 whose wishes are clearly made, to refuse life-sustaining 
 medical treatment. "The right to die" decision was made 
 in the Curzan vs. Missouri case.
1991 The last Soviet troops left Czechoslovakia 23 years 
 after the Warsaw Pact invasion.
1991 The Yugoslav republics of Slovenia and Croatia 
 declared their independence from Yugoslavia.
1993 Kim Campbell took office as Canada's first woman 
 prime minister. She assumed power upon the resignation 
 of Brian Mulroney.
1997 The Russian space station Mir was hit by an unmanned 
 cargo vessel. Much of the power supply was knocked out and 
 the station's Spektr module was severely damaged.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto thereby 
 striking down presidential power to cancel specific items in 
 tax and spending legislation.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that those infected with HIV 
 are protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act.
1998 Microsoft's "Windows 98" was released to the public.
1999 Germany's parliament approved a national Holocaust 
 memorial to be built in Berlin.
2000 U.S. and British researchers announced that they had 
 completed a rough draft of a map of the genetic makeup 
 of human beings. The project was 10 years old at the time 
 of the announcement.
2000 A Florida judge approved a class-action lawsuit to be 
 filed against American Online (AOL) on behalf of hourly 
 subscribers who were forced to view "pop-up" advertisements. 
2014  smiled.


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No Questions 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Wanna-be Goldilocks breaks into house, steals wine, pajamas Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm as pure as the driven slush. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. --- Bertha Calloway
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, so that you don't lose this page)
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation". Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
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Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of beer. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version From the metro Sun
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chancy Layton, 19, St. Augustine, Floriduh Wanna-be Goldilocks breaks into house, steals wine, pajamas Chancy Layton claims a friend broke into the house where she drank wine and wore pajamas belonging to the owners, who found her asleep when they came home. The only things missing were the three bears. A real-life Goldilocks is accused of breaking, entering and making herself at home in a Florida house Friday night. But while a shower and a soft couch in an empty St. Augustine Beach home might have seemed just right to 19-year old Chancy Layton, her trespass was an unpleasant surprise for the homeowners. The owners returned home early Saturday and told a local news station that they were stunned to find Layton asleep on their couch, wearing their pajamas and surrounded by bottles of their wine. "Not what I expected to see when I walked into my house. We just stood there a bit, looking at each other, like, 'What do we do?'" homeowner Cheryl Petocz told News 4 Jax. "I told her I was calling police. As soon as I said that, she grabbed a few things and ran out the house, out the back door." The nursery rhyme scenario ended with charges of burglary, theft and criminal mischief for the blonde suspect, who left her purse and passport behind when she fled the scene, according to the arrest report. Police caught up with Layton a block away from the house, where she expressed remorse and wanted to return the pajamas she had stolen. Layton told police that a male friend had broken into the house earlier and told her it was empty. Her friend, whom she knew only as "Jeremy," left the balcony door open for Layton to enter, she told police. Layton was later booked into the St. Johns County jail, where she reportedly posted $8,000 bail and was released. Police are still trying to find "Jeremy." Tech Support Pits From: Re: No Question today Dear Webby Dear Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soda Crackers to Keep Salad Fresh When having a salad, put the dressing on only the portion served. The remaining salad can kept fresh by wrapping soda crackers in a paper towel and placing them in the bowl. Cling wrap the container to seal out the moisture. This trick will extend the life of the remaining salad. By Dave from Oshawa, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck."
Bob took his 4 year old Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" He responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes and obviously in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."

» Beer Can House

Today in 
1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over 
 Edward II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn 
 in Scotland.
1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at 
 Sluys, off the Flemish coast.
1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service 
 of England, landed in North America on what is now 
 Newfoundland.
1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England.
1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded.
1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists 
 at Swansee, Plymouth colony.
1717 The Freemasons were founded in London.
1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted.
1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for 
 vulcanized rubber.
1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle 
 of the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon 
 III defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in 
 northern Italy.
1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at 
 Mathias Point, Virginia.
1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at 
 the Dagu forts in China.
1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea.
1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria 
 following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace.
1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of neutrality.
1940 France signed an armistice with Italy.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible support 
 to the Soviet Union.
1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade.
1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the Bering Strait.
1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of the Poor 
 People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by authorities.
1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the 
 Gulf of Tonkin Resolution.
1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report on the "Roswell Incident," 
 suggesting the alien bodies witnesses reported seeing in 1947 were 
 actually life-sized dummies.
1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
 Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion.
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges, 
 must make the decision to give a convicted killer the 
 death penalty.
2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for 
 $20.2 million.
2010 Apple released the iPhone 4. 
2014  smiled.


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Selective softening of pictures 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a California man jailed for running a meth lab in a retirement home Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by tear gas.
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Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. --- Brendan Gill 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --- Baltasar Gracian The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
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Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? e.g.abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the Borax and the abominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in the Vatican Q: What does the word "benign" mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
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>From Missy Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey."
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Short, 64, Fresno, California Jailed for running a meth lab in a retirement home A 64-year-old man in Fresno, California, has been arrested for running a meth lab out of a retirement home. Fresno Police made the discovery Saturday after pulling over Robert Short, who was on parole on charges connected to selling methamphetamine. When officers checked his car, they say they found four ounces of crystal meth, along with small plastic bags and electronic scales, KMPH-TV reports. Officers then searched the suspect's home in a retirement village and found more meth, heroin and a small meth lab. All in all, the officers recovered a half pound of crystal meth with an estimated street value of $1,700, according to the Fresno Bee. Short's neighbors were shocked to find out they may have been living next door to a real-life episode of "Breaking Bad." "It's shocking, I would never guess that anything like that would go on at a senior citizen village," neighbor Robin Schramek told ABC30.com. Neighbors said that Short moved in about three or four months ago, but didn't get involved in the tight-knit community. ABC30.com reports that there were signs all over his front door demanding privacy and no visitors. Short was booked into the Fresno County Jail for charges including transportation of narcotics, possession for sale of narcotics and processing methamphetamine near a school campus. Tech Support Pits From: Billie Re: How to blur Dear Webby With my old camera I used to be able to have the prime object nice and sharp and everything else a bit blurred by precisely setting the distance. With my new camera everything is auto- matic and I can't set the distance. Is there a way to fake the same results? Billie Dear Billie With some digital cameras you can half depress the shutter button and force it to take a reading. Then you can move the camera and it will use that setting, when you fully depress the shutter. However, that does not always blur what is not in precise focus, especially with a small lens type camera and bright lighting. In the old days photographers smeared vaseline onto the lens and cleaned the portion they wanted sharp with an alcohol soaked swab. With a large lens camera you can still do that, but I would not really advise it. The alcohol can affect the coating on the lens. It is a lot more precise and predictable to do the blurring after you got the picture onto the computer. Any graphics program like PaintShopPro or GIMP or Photoshop will do it nicely. Use the retouching tool, set it to a round shape and a hardness of about 50%. Select it to SOFTEN. Then wipe it from the edges in towards the area that you want to leave sharp and crisp. You can also use the irregular shape election tool, lassoo the sharp area, invert the selection, and then blur or soften the entire selected area in one shot. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Toilet Scrubber for General Bathroom Cleaning Toilet scrubbers are useful to clean far more than just toilets. Their bristles do well for scrubbing a tub or sink, especially when combined with a gritty cleanser like Comet. They do a nice job on mildew in grout crevices. If you're not comfortable using the same brush for toilets as well as sinks and baths, you can always get a cheap extra one for cleaning at a dollar store. By Wispfox from Waltham, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples." "I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "From orange trees like this, I expect about 220 pounds of oranges".
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!"

» American Legends

Today in 
1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with 
 Lenni Lenape Indians in Pennsylvania.
1700 Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a truce 
 with the Ottoman Empire.
1758 British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at 
 Krefeld in Germany.
1760 The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut, Germany.
1757 Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won 
 control of Bengal.
1836 The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which contained 
 a provision for turning over surplus federal revenue to the states.
1848 A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted.
1860 The U.S. Secret Service was created to arrest counterfeiters.
1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention 
 that he called a "Type-Writer."
1884 A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle, Indochina.
1902 Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the Triple Alliance 
 for a 12 year duration.
1904 The first American motorboat race got underway on the 
 Hudson River in New York.
1926 The first lip reading tournament in America was held in 
 Philadelphia, PA.
1931 Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York on the 
 first round-the-world flight in a single-engine plane.
1934 Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after defeating 
 the country.
1951 Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire 
 discussions in the Korean War.
1952 The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu River, Korea.
1956 Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt.
1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by 
 tear gas.
1972 U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff 
 H.R. Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct 
 the FBI's Watergate investigation.
2003 Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac desktop computer.
2013 In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a quarter mile 
 tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River Gorge. 
-------
I lost my cap down into that gorge about ten years ago, 
and decided not to climb down after it.
2014  smiled.


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MS-Office vs Open Office 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 22.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Texas Mom, who was jailed after kids tumble from atop car during high speed turn Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its forces from Afghanistan.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. --- W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)
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A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "If he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry."
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While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too."
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kisha Young, 38, Crowley, Texas Texas mom jailed after kids tumble from atop car during high speed turn Worried that her car’s interior would get soaked, a Texas woman directed six children fresh from a community pool to sit atop her vehicle’s trunk for the one-mile drive home Tuesday evening. That decision resulted in Kisha Young’s arrest when the children fell from the Chevrolet Malibu around 8:30 PM when the 38-year-old--who was allegedly intoxicated--made a sharp turn on a residential street in Crowley, a city 15 miles south of Fort Worth. Four of the six children flung from the car were injured, with a 12-year-old girl requiring hospitalization for a severe head injury. According to the Crowley Police Department, the six children range in age from 8 to 14. According to cops, Young and another woman in the car were the mothers of the children, who were “allowed” to ride atop the Chevy “because their clothes were wet.” Young, seen in the above mug shot, was initially arrested for intoxication assault with a vehicle and booked into custody. She has subsequently been hit with two other felony charges, injury to child and driving while intoxicated with a child under the age of 15. During an arraignment this morning at the Crowley Jail, Young’s bond was set at $110,000. Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: MS Office or Open Office Dear Webby What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office? I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend? Helga Dear Helga The biggest differnce that I can see is that you can install Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port. And it is free. With MS Office you would need to buy a license for each machine. With the free Open Office you got everything, from settings and preferences to your documents, spreadsheets and pictures on your portable hard drive, and basically just "borrow" the keybaord and the printer and hardware of the computer that you plug it into. The included features are about the same as far as common stuff is concerned. With rarely or never used stuff, that only magazine writers, who never ever paid for anything, use, MS-Office tends to come out slightly ahead. That seems to be due to the huge Microsoft ads in those magazines. Down here in reality, Open Office seems to be a better choice. One permanent bone of contention is the "Microslop" caused by MS-Office programs. Their cutesy fancy left and right leaning quotes and similar stuff, that is not in the standard ASCII set of characters, cause weird characters to appear when sent. I am sure you have seen Greek or Scandinavian characters in mails from people, who use Microsoft office. Apparently that thilly nonsense can be turned off, but none of the MS-Office users seem to know how. If all you do is send beautiful memos in a circle inside a company, where every machine has MS-Office, then those memos are indeed more beautiful with MS-Office. However, sent over the net they stink. With Open Office you don't have to worry about that, and everybody anywhere receives them looking exactly the way you wrote them. The future is definitely with Open Office. Even if the cost of MS-Office is dropped to 1/10 of what it is now, with companies, that have hundreds or thousands of machines, the choice is pretty clear. By the way, Open Office reads MS-Office documents and can even save them in MS-Office format. MS-Office can now do much of the same. You can download Open Office free at http://www.openoffice.org/ Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com DIY Bleach Gel Pen In a saucepan, add 2 Tbsp. of cornstarch to 1 cup of water. Stir until dissolved. Place mixture on the stove and stir until it comes to a boil. Turn off stove. The mix will become really thick. Let it cool completely. Then add 5-6 Tbsp. of bleach. It will turn into a gel. If it's thicker or thinner, just adjust water and cornstarch until you get the result you are looking for. Pour mix into an empty squeeze bottle for dispensing. So much cheaper and works great. By coville123 [320] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Erin A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house. One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him. "Now we're getting somewhere," he said. "Tell me the secret. I promise I won't tell anyone." She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, "We have monsters in the sewer."
In his Sunday sermon, the minister used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After the sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied, he harangued the congregation for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen more minutes and repeated his question. All responded except one elderly gentleman in the rear. "Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "One hundred and one." "Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to be one hundred and one and not have an enemy in the world." The old man teetered down the aisle, slowly turned to face the congregation, smiled and said, "I outlived every one of them SOBs!"

» Popular Mechanics

Today in 
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several 
 other people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay 
 by mutineers.
1772 Slavery was outlawed in England.
1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation 
 leading to the War of 1812.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time.
1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine.
1870 The U.S. Congress created the Department of Justice.
1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice 
 of osteopathy.
1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle, WA.
1911 King George V of England was crowned.
1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern Front 
 as the Russians retreat.
1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el Krim 
 in Morocco.
1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler 
 banned parties other than the Nazis.
1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones Beach, 
 on Long Island, New York.
1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on 
 terms dictated by the Nazis.
1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the 
 Soviet Union.
1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of the 
 Columbia River.
1942 In France, Pierre Laval declared "I wish for a German victory".
1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time.
1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of Rights" 
 to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war.
1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially ended 
 after 81 days.
1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first time.
1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah 
 were blown up.
1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific after a 
 record 28 days in space.
1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the only 
 known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon.
1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its forces 
 from Afghanistan.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime laws that 
 ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial bias violated 
 free-speech rights.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally obtained 
 by authorities could be used at revocation hearings for a convicted 
 criminal's parole.
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable handicaps 
 cannot claim discrimination in employment under the Americans with 
 Disability Act.
2014  smiled.


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How to view Animations in OE 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 21.
Longest daylight period of the year.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two Florida inmates who smuggled gun into prison and shot themselves to attempt blackmail of the jail Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute flight. The height is about 400 feet above the distance scientists consider to be the boundary of space.
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Knowledge and timber shouldn't be much used till they are seasoned. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
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In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for???"
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The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version Carrier landing
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deshandre Billups, 26, and Kirk Cartwright, 33 in jail in Lake City, Floriduh Florida Inmates Smuggle Gun Into Prison and shoot themselves to attempt blackmail of the jail . The two Florida inmates, along with five others, were arrested Tuesday in what authorities describe as a plot to sue the Florida Department of Corrections, according to My Fox Orlando. The department began its investigation in March after Billups and Cartwright were shot with a .25-caliber Beretta inside the Columbia Correction Institution in Lake City. Cartwright, 33, and Billups, 26, told guards that they were shot by an unknown assailant while they were praying in their cell. Nobody, of course, believed that. With the help of friends, family members and a third inmate, the suspects allegedly smuggled the semi-automatic pistol into the prison through the mail, according to The Florida Times-Union. They allegedly had plans to shoot themselves and sue the prison system in an effort to settle for reduced sentences. Authorities say they regularly snuck cellphones and drugs into the prison. They face five new felony charges, including firearm possession by a felon and several counts of contraband possession for the cellphones. Cartwright was already serving a life sentence for murder and Billups was serving 20 years for armed robbery and burglary, WTAQ reports. The third inmate who allegedly helped them, 21-year-old Tony Underwood, is charged with introducing contraband into the prison. He's serving a six-year sentence for burglary and grand theft. Cartwright's girlfriend and Billups' mother were arrested Tuesday on charges stemming from the investigation. Arrest warrants have also been issued for Cartwright's sister and Underwood's girlfriend. Tech Support Pits From: DD Re: Animations on OE >Shared by Ophelia Ophelia, Actually I’m using outlook to read my mail. In case anyone else has the same problem, Animations not showing, you can tell them. After clicking on the newsletter go up to actions and then click on view in browser. Thanks for the smiles and great selections to view. DD Thanks DD Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Oil to Remove Adhesive To remove gum, labels, or stickers, use baby oil. Soak a cotton ball in oil and apply to the sticky area and heat with a hair dryer. When adhesive softens, it can easily be removed. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO WD40 works well too, without heating. Have FUN! DerWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered. At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?" "Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."

» Growing Indoor Herbs

Today in 
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth 
 and was crowned Prince of Wales.
1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical 
 reaper for farming. His invention allowed farmers to more 
 than double their crop size.
1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent.
1937 In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned.
1938 In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75 
 billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act.
1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic 
 to Black Sea.
1945 Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a 
 cost of $700.
1958 In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay 
 school integration.
1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from the 
 NATO fleet.
1973 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban materials 
 found to be obscene according to local standards.
1974 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers could 
 no longer be forced to take long leaves of absence.
1985 Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in Brazil 
 were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele.
1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as 
 a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment.
2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike Melvill, 
 reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute flight. The height 
 is about 400 feet above the distance scientists consider to be the 
 boundary of space.
2014  smiled.


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Computer to take along to Europe 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 20.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Naked Georgia woman, who vandalized, flooded stranger's home Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation, and is still going strong.
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I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience. --- Shelley Winters (1922 - 2006) Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin
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There are these two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left. Would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time I hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head!"
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Thanks to Ron for this story: My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room just to be sure she had tidied it up. "You call THAT a made bed?" I asked. "No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."
>From Dianne Click on the picture for the large version You're all wet!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suzanne Hussain,34, Calhoun, Georgia Naked Woman Vandalized, Flooded Stranger's Home A woman in Calhoun, Georgia, came home to a big surprise: Her home was looted and filled with water. The woman called deputies and when they investigated the house, they allegedly found an even bigger surprise: A naked woman hiding in one of the closets. The naked woman in question was Suzanne Hussain, 34, who lives about seven miles away and didn’t know the homeowner, according to Sheriff Mitch Ralston of the Gordon County Sheriffs Office. “Ms. Hussain was in fact nude, and was acting abnormally, but was taken into custody without further incident,” Ralston posted on the sheriff’s office website. An estimate of the destruction's cost has not been released, but Ralston described the house as "extensively damaged." Investigators have not determined any motive. Hussain was taken to a local hospital to be evaluated. After her release, she was arrested and charged with burglary and criminal damage to property, WSB TV reports. Hussain is still in jail awaiting a bond amount. She is also being held on a probation violation for a prior charge of possession of methamphetamine. Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans. Get the local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Then look at the back of your computer for a tiny, red slide switch. Sometimes it is covered by tape to keep kids from playing with it. Use a pen or small screwdriver to slide that switch to the 220 setting. The same with the monitor, unless it already has a 100 - 240 Volt rating printed on the back. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Hand Soap Here is how I save money on soap. I do not have a brand loyalty, so when I see soap at rummage sales and garage sales, I buy it, often at 10-25 cents a bar. Often it is something fancy from a gift set. I have not paid full price for years. When my soap bars get small, I save them in a paper cup. When I have a good amount of these scraps, I grate them and add just enough water to make the crumbs stick together in a clay-like consistency then I form it into bars by hand. I let it dry a bit, for a week or so, before using. It lasts a long time. Use these for everyday hand-washing and bathing and save some of the designer soap for when you have company. By kemperjl from Gilbertsville, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Final Exams One night Jack Evans, along with his 3 university friends went out drinkinig till late night, as many college students are prone to do, and didn't study for their test, which, of course, was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They went up to the dean and explained that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst. They continued to explain how they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. The dean, being a compassionate human being said that they could rtake the test after 3 days. The students garaciously replied that they'd be ready by that time. On the third day, they appeared before the dean. The dean explained that since this was a special test all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the duraction of the exam. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 5 questions with total of 100 points: FINAL COURSEWORK EXAMINATION INSTRUCTIONS : All questions are required. Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark. Q.1. Write down your name. ----- (2 POINTS) Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended. ----- (30 POINTS) Q.3. What type of a car were you driving? ------(20 POINTS) Q.4. Which tire burst? ------- (28 POINTS) Q.5. Who was driving? ------ (20 POINTS)
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

» Square-Riggers

Today in 
0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to 
 a halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France.
1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway 
 under one monarch.
1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell 
 that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta."
1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting 
 to flee the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received 
 the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American 
 mass-production concept.
1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following 
 the death of her uncle, King William IV.
1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the 
 Phillipines to fight the Spanish.
1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law 
and arrested hundreds.
1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist 
 Germany in paying its war debts. That did not go over well.
1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops 
were sent in two days later to end the violence that left 
more than 30 dead.
1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, 
 CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the soaring 
 costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV.
1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating 
 Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. 
 Supreme Court later overturned the conviction.
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers must treat 
 male and female workers equally in providing health benefits 
 for their spouses.
1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement 
 in exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and 
 legal bills.
2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of 
 mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. 
 The vote was 6 in favor and 3 against. 
2014  smiled.


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Sir Squirrel 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 19.

My first cataract operation is over. Now my good eye
is great at distances of 30 feet or further, but of no
help at the computer. The left eye has a focus at 12 inches,
which is a bit too close for comfort. However, the biggest 
hassle is that the focus is shifted sideways. When closing
one eye, then the other, a street light appears to jump
not only 100 feet closer, but to the nearer side of the 
street.

Working with that is only possible by putting some paper
over the fixed eye, which right now is not much good at 
less than 30 feet anyway, and work with just the weak left 
eye. 

I'll take the paper out tomorrow and go for a 3 - 4 mile walk
and hope to train the focus onto the same side of the 
street.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Indiana bonehead leads Police on 2 hour tractor chase Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by students at public-school football games violated the 1st Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church and state.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson (1969 - ),
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A woman walking down a residential street, noticed a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. She called out to him as she passed. "Hello there! I couldn't help but notice how happy you look. What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he replied. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat nothing but fast food, and never exercise." "Wow!" The woman was amazed. "How old are you?" she asked. "Twenty-six," he replied.
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Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'"
>From Dianne Click on the picture for the large version Swallow hoovering bugs
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dustin D. Clouse, 20, Decatur, Indiana Indiana bonehead leads Police on 2 hour tractor chase An Indiana man led police on a slow-speed, 2 hour tractor chase that crossed the state line. Monday evening in Decatur, Indiana, 20-year-old Dustin D. Clouse allegedly tried evading police who were responding to a vandalism call, WISH-TV reported. With only a tractor as his getaway vehicle, Clouse managed to reach a whopping top speed of 18 miles per hour, police said. Police said Clouse refused to pull over, despite driving over stop sticks which caused his tires to go flat. Clouse allegedly tried swerving into a deputy and attempted to ram multiple patrol cars, according to WANE. Video captured by a witness shows Clouse cruising down a rural road, police in front and behind him in pursuit. Two hours later, Clouse's tractor malfunctioned after crossing the state line into Ohio. Police said they had to eventually use a Taser to take the suspect into custody. They really suspected him, “This was an unusual pursuit, we are happy that no one from the public, Mr. Clouse, or law enforcement was injured,” Mercer County Sheriff Jeff Grey told WANE. “Law enforcement agencies from both states worked well together to bring this to a safe conclusion.” Clouse was charged with a felony for fleeing and eluding law enforcement, according to Indiana News Center. It is not likely that it was his tractor. Otherwise he wouod not have driven over the stop-sticks and disks. Those tires are rather expensive! Once they add all the interstate charges for taking a stolen vehicle across state borders, it is going to work out to some serious time on the chain gang. He is no Duke of Hazard! Tech Support Pits From: Sir Squirrel Re: Gmail's Red Banner Fetish Here is what Sir Squirrel wrote about that Red Banner Fetish: ============== Webby, I admit to being lazy. That is why I have a remedy that takes hardly a second to do. At the bottom of the red strip at the top of your humor letter, the second sentence sez, " Ignore, I trust this message, I Just left click on this but once and all the pictures and the two 'vote now' buttons will appear; right where Webby put them in his humor letter. Kind friend, it works every time for me! Have fun and a good day! ~Sir Squirrel~ ============== Just do the same as what Sir Squirrel suggested. I can't word it any better. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Premeasure Pancake Mix For Camping Whenever we head to our camper, I always make a couple batches of homemade, dry pancake mix in a ziplock. I will also write on a small piece of paper the wet ingredients needed to finish the pancake batter inside the ziplock, so I know exactly what extra ingredients I will need come breakfast time. I never use mix from a box and already having the dry ingredients waiting for me saves me time in the morning, when I have to feed my hungry crew. Source: I thought of this myself as I am not a morning person and needed something to help me get breakfast on the table faster and easier when camping. By LisaE from WI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he likes his new work. "Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
Groan Alert! A priest is out golfing one day. He is halfway down the first fairway, waiting to hit his second shot, when he hears the familiar, "Fore!" Immediately, a ball slams into his back. The golfer who hit the ball rushes up to him and recognizes him. "Father, I'm terribly sorry. The ball just got away from me." "That's all right, my son," the priest says. "I'm not hurt." "Thank goodness, Father!" the man exclaims. The two shake hands and the man says, "You know, Father, I've been playing this game for 40 years, and now I can tell my friends that I've hit my first holy one!"
A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever seen play." The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the question, "But how is he scholastically?" The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject. However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked."

» Square-Riggers

Today in 
0240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the 
 Earth using two sticks.
1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the 
 Battle of Dragasani.
1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of 
 Cherbourg, France.
1865 The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas.
1903 The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was 
 placed under investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland.
1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship 
 board was established.
1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day.
1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British 
 royal family to dispense with German titles 
 and surnames.
1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum.
1937 The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist forces.
1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that 
 disallowed pinball machines in the city.
1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 
 21-year-old neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They 
 were divorced in June of 1946.
1942 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in 
 Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa 
 with U.S. President Roosevelt.
1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized US citizen.
1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea 
 against the Imperial Japanese fleet.
1958 In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to 
 answer a congressional committee's questions on communism.
1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain.
1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's 
 youngest premier at age 34.
1968 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support 
 the Poor People's Campaign.
1973 Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty in the 
 WHA (World Hockey League).
1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit 
 from Kourou, French Guiana.
1983 Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president 
 since 1969.
1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally 
 shipping personal computers to 16 countries subject 
 to U.S. export controls.
1998 A study released said that smoking more than doubles 
 risks of developing dementia and Alzheimer's.
1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million 
 to settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust 
 victims during World War II. Jewish leaders called the 
 offer insultingly low.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by 
 students at public-school football games violated the 1st 
 Amendment's principle that called for the separation of 
 church and state.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail's shift away from reliability towards Censorship 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 17.

Gmail's shift of focus away from becoming a reliable email 
service and towards becoming snooty and unresponsive 
censors is really changing the email landscape. Right
now they are making Incredimail and Hotmail look GOOD
by comparison. Icloud is gaining in popularity too.

Please tell me what alternatives you have found, and
especially your experiences with them.

Since Gmail is not reliable any more, and you never know
what they have censored, hidden or cut, finding a decent
alternative is getting urgent!

Personally, I don't have that problem, because I use mail 
at webby.com. I just use Gmail on the side for test purposes,
to check now and then how the Humor letter appears on Gmail.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a NM woman, who shook naked friend off the back of her pick-up at highway speed, causes accidents. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1944 The republic of Iceland was established.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) "My son has a new nickname for me, 'Baldy.' I've got a new word for him... 'heredity.'" --- Dan Savage I think the world is run by 'C' students. --- Al McGuire
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David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his friend Bill asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" Bill asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."
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A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What the f***g hell is 'excuse me'?"
>From Nanarina Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glamor shot from her FaceBook Tashena Whitaker, 30, Taos, New Mexico Nude Guy Causes Chain-Reaction Highway Crash Truck-surfing dope, 27, fell onto New Mexico hwy A naked man truck surfing atop a Ford Ranger as it traveled on a New Mexico highway fell off the vehicle and triggered a chain reaction crash that left a motorcyclist seriously injured, police report. As detailed in a probable cause statement, a passing motorist told cops that he spotted a naked man standing on the truck as it drove along State Road 522 in Taos last Friday night. The man, later identified as Alexander Werner, 27, fell off the truck “and was lying on the side of the road.” A motorcyclist traveling in the opposite direction “was slowing down because of Mr. Werner lying in the road” when he was rear-ended by a Ford van. The motorcyclist, who is not identified in court papers, suffered a “major head injury” and was transported to a local hospital for treatment. Investigators allege that Tashena Whittaker (seen above) helped Werner back into the Ford Ranger, which she was driving. The duo then drove away from the scene of the accident. They were subsequently pulled over by a patrolman about two miles down the road. “Mr. Werner had injuries from the fall and he declined medical attention,” an investigator reported. Werner and Whittaker were each arrested for leaving the scene of an accident causing great bodily harm, a felony. Werner was also charged with indecent exposure and failure to wear a seat belt, both misdemeanors. Whittaker was also hit with a misdemeanor count for driving without a license. A judge set Whittaker’s bond at $10,000 and scheduled her for a June 19 preliminary hearing. Court records do not list bond information or court dates for Werner. Werner’s rap sheet includes prior arrests in the state of Washington for drunk driving, assault, and criminal mischief. Whittaker, a Tennessee native, is a mother of two young girls. On her Facebook page, Whittaker describes herself as a “polytheist” who will “bow only to the old gods and goddesses.” 'Act your age': A judge scolded the 30-year-old mother of two, telling her in court: 'You're too old to be doing stupid stuff like that'. Tech Support Pits From: Peggy Re: Gmail's red banner Do you know about this? Â I'm afraid to click on your emails anymore! Â Please let me know if it is alright to do so! Â Hugs and blessings! Peggy Dear Peggy Yes, my emails are OK, even though the Sniveling Ninnies at Gmail snivel about it. The Sniveling Ninnies think that because Thriftyfun links to Myfrugallife.com, and that FRUGAL sounds dirty to semi-literate North Koreans, they put that silly idiot-banner on. I would love to frugal their turnip and inject some intelligence! Here is what Sir Squirrel just wrote about that: ============== Webby, I admit to being lazy. That is why I have a remedy that takes hardly a second to do. At the bottom of the red strip at the top of your humor letter, the second sentence sez, " Ignore, I trust this message, I Just left click on this but once and all the pictures and the two 'vote now' buttons will appear; right where Webby put them in his humor letter. Kind friend, it works every time for me! Have fun and a good day! ~Sir Squirrel~ ============== Just do the same as what Sir Squirrel suggested. Making a filter, as I have suggested probably more than a dozen times, also helps. Tell the filter to NOT put it into Spam, and to mark it as important. That normally does the trick. I realize that Gmail is too primitive to filter mails into different folders, but you can assign a category letter to emails. Unless you have already assigned the letter H to something else, tell the filter to assign the letter H to the Humor Letter. That too seems to help. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Milk Jug Electric Cord Reel I use the electric leaf blower frequently to blow off the porch and carport. I've just been looping the cord and laying it across the blower for storage and having to untangle it every time I use it. I told my husband that we needed to purchase a reel to keep the cord on. A reel makes it easier to store the cord and keeps it from getting tangled up. The idea popped into my head to use a milk jug so I gave it a try and it works. I cut out a section opposite the handle to make some sides to hold the cord. Holding the jug by the handle, I wrapped the cord around the jug. This works, however, I think a heavier jug will work even better. I may not have to spend money on a reel after all. By Betty from NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all honesty I cannot accept two bribes. It just would not be fair." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"
>From Mary I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"

» Bears R Us

Today in 
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians 
 from teaching in Syria.
1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England.
1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston.
1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national 
 assembly, and began to frame a constitution.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire.
1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent 
was for a process that made rubber easier to work with.
1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech 
 uprising in Prague.
1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China.
1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus 
 Lowe demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon.
1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City, Kansas. 
 The town had been dry up until this point.
1876 General George Crook’s command was attacked and defeated 
 on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the 
 leadership of Crazy Horse.
1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor 
 of Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in 
 New Brunswick, NJ.
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard 
 the French ship Isere.
1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hanger in 
 Friedrichshafen.
1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American 
 interests in Mexico.
1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd 
 and voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the 
 German Army. (World War I)
1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome.
1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if 
 Germany was allowed to join.
1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the 
 first woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean.
1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed 
 the highest tariff on imports to the U.S.
1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese 
 Communist leader Ho Chi Minh.
1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000 
 veterans massed around the Capitol.
1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, 
 and Estonia.
1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in 
 World War II.
1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the 
 Mediterranean.
1944 The republic of Iceland was established.
1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney 
 transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL.
1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that 
 were rioting against the East German government.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of 
 the Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools.
1965 Twenty-seven B-52’s hit Viet Cong outposts but lost 
 two planes in South Vietnam.
1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail 
 line in Cambodia.
1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population 
 Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans 
 be classified by race at birth. 
2014  smiled.


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Pictures not showing in Gmail 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 16.
Thank you Norm!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh shoplifter, who stuffed seven frozen lobster tails intp her pants Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first female space traveler.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night.
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"
Click on the picture for the large version Wedding near Oregon wildfire
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nichole Ann Reed, 30, DeLand,Floriduh Floriduh shoplifter stuffed seven frozen lobster tails intp her pants Thawed lobster, frozen pussy A central Florida woman faces petit theft charges after officials say she stuffed seven frozen lobster tails into her pants and walked out of a Publix supermarket without paying for them. A loss prevention officer at the DeLand Publix told police he watched 30-year-old Nichole Ann Reed put the lobster tails into her pants on Wednesday evening. He says she walked around the store before leaving. Police found her about an hour later. Reed told them she went to the store with the intention of stealing the lobster tails, which were valued at $83.99. According to a police report, she said she planned to trade the lobster with a friend to get either a Chinese buffet or the prescription pain medication Dilaudid. She posted $250 bail, over ten times as much as a $7.49 buffet in her town. Tech Support Pits From: Diana Re: No pictures in Gmail Hi, I just love your newsletter. Â For about a week now the picture you send doesn't show. Â The sentence telling me to click on picture to show it larger is there but no picture to click on. Â That happened and how do I get it back? Â Thank you in advance. Diana Dear Diana That is part of the North Korean Censors trying to make Gmail less reliable. However, you can still get around their nuisance changes. Click on the sprocket near the right top. Settings Images and move the radio button to Always display external images hit OK, and you should see the images again. The reason I use external images, images stored on my servers, is so that there is less of a load on your ISP. I have done that sine 1994. Just change the settings, and you should see the pictures again. To make sure the snooty do-gooder censors don't put the Humor Letter into Spam, make a filter. Highlight a Humor Letter in the INBOX or SPAM, wherever you find it in Gmail, click on MORE on top, select Make a Filter. What is always the same with the humor letter for about 20 years is FROM is always humor@webby.com SUBJECT always starts with Humor: You can use either or both of those criteria. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Powder for Rubber Gloves Here is an easy way to put on rubber gloves. Just sprinkle baby powder inside the gloves. They will slip on very easily. By Aurora CO Awesome Mom [83] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh, thit!" the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

» Bears R Us

Today in 
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army.
1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke.
1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven 
 Castle in Scotland.
1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of 
 Ligny, Netherlands.
1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate 
 Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. 
 He declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller 
 coaster in America opened.
1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated.
1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg.
1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the 
 "Gold Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000.
1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first American helicopter 
 flight at College Park, MD.
1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact.
1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von 
 Papen government in Germany.
1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister 
 of the Vichy government of occupied France.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the 
 closure of all German consulates in the United States. 
 The deadline was set as July 10.
1952 "Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl" was published 
 in the United States.
1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President 
 Juan Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later.
1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on 
 President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was 
 suppressed by the army.
1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit 
 aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was 
 the first female space traveler.
1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in 
 Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist 
 group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion).
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against 
 the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as 
 the language for instruction in black schools.
1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of 
 the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of 
 president and Communist Party General Secretary.
1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar 
 Torrijos ratified the Panama Canal treaties.
1981 The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs 
 baseball team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company 
 for $20.5 million.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian 
 President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. 
 The two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon 
 arsenals by about two-thirds by the year 2003.
1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential 
 election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off.
1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992 
 federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized 
 device that can download high-quality digital music files 
 from the Internet and play them at home.
2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell 
 Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's 
 largest local phone company.
2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that 
 an employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New 
 Mexico had discovered that two computer hard drives were 
 missing.
2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.
2014  smiled.


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Icon Size 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 15.

Happy Fathers Day!

Do you need a last minute, thoughtful Fathers Day gift, that will be appreciated all year long, give a gift subscription to Ophelia's Newsletter! Subscribe dad, (and/or yourself) to the full version at Subscribe

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a NM felon, who raped his girlfriend's 8 month old daughter. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta.
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In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) "Miami was voted the worst road rage city. You have 20-year- olds doing 95, and 95-year-olds doing 20, that's why." --- Craig Ferguson "Of cheerfulness, or a good temper - the more it is spent, the more of it remains." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Kathryn found an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents. "Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My friend was about to hang up when her mom added.... "And, Kathryn?" "Yes, mom?" "With YOUR looks, you better call them first and let them know you're coming."
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Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!"
Click on the picture for the large version Wedding near Oregon wildfire
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julio Iturralde, 27, Los Lunas, NM NM man locks girlfriend out of hotel room, rapes 8-month-old baby A Los Lunas, NM man was arrested and charged in the rape of his girlfriend's 8-month-old daughter on May 24. Police say Julio Iturralde, 27, allegedly locked his girlfriend out of their hotel room when she went to retrieve something from their car. Reports say as she was knocking on the door she could hear the baby scream. Records state that eventually Iturralde let his girlfriend, Jasmin Davis, 25, back in the room where she saw the babies diaper covered in blood. Davis claims Iturralde would not let her take the baby to the hospital or leave the room the entire night. Iturralde instead pulled out a pipe and began smoking meth. Witnesses at the hotel claimed to have spoken with Davis the night the assault occured and say she made no effort to get any help for the baby. Davis finally took the baby to the hospital the following evening and when questioned, claimed another child must have injured her daughter. Davis finally admitted to police, what really happened also copping to smoking meth with Iturralde the morning after Iturralde allegedly raped her baby. Iturralde is charged with criminal sexual penetration against a minor, child abuse, false imprisonment & tampering with evidence. Davis was arrested on suspicion of child abuse, tampering with evidence and conspiracy. The baby is still in the hospital. Her internal injuries caused massive bloodloss and the doctors are faced with the task of reconstructing her internal organs. She is in the custody of the Children, Youth and Family Services. Iturralde's bail was set at $100,000, cash-only. Tech Support Pits From: Bree Re: Icon Size Dear Webby All of a sudden the icons on my desktop are shrunk and many of them are now a little whitehanky with a dot of snot in the center. How do I get my icons back? Bree Dear Bree Click on an empty spot on the desktop. Hold down the CTRL key, or SGRG in Europe Roll the scroll wheel of the mouse forward, away from you, The icon size will increase. Do it slowly and gradually. If you go to fast or too far, Windows will re-arrange the icons, and some might be beyond the visible area. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Latex Gloves to Protect Hands from Paint Cleaning my hands after working with oil based paint is bothersome, smelly, and dries out my skin. Now when I work with oil based paint, I always wear latex gloves and my hands are kept clean. By Mina2184 [11] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they are yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8
When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

» AquaNerd

Today in 
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta.
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London.
1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo.
1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in 
 Jamestown, VA.
1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully 
 documented human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused 
 the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy.
1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a 
 thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the 
 relationship between lightning and electricity.
1775 George Washington was appointed head of the Continental 
 Army by the Second Continental Congress.
1836 Arkansas became the 25th U.S. state.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process 
 that strengthens rubber.
1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute 
 concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada.
1866 Prussia attacked Austria.
1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation 
 of Hawaii.
1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball.
1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated 
 in the state of New York. The company was later renamed 
 International Business Machines (IBM) Corp.
1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish 
 captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916.
1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000 
 for successfully completing the first, non-stop trans-Atlantic 
 plane flight.
1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans.
1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan 
 during World War II.
1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the 
 partition of India.
1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn to Berlin 
 would be closed indefinitely "for repairs."
1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the 
 Cypress issue.
1964 The last French troops left Algeria.
1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American 
 Lisa Halaby, who became Queen Noor.
1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in 
 military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987.
1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended 
 as Argentine troops surrendered to the British.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on abortion 
 by striking down state and local restriction on abortions.
1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the 
 chief engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed 
 for mishandling the incident at the plant.
1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the government 
 could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign countries for 
 prosecution.
1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to 
 spell "potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee. 
 He had relied on a faulty flash card that had been written 
 by the student's teacher.
1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations.
1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo boat 
 during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 
2014  smiled.


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Telus malfunction 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 14.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a New Hampshire woman busted for prostitution at town library Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that are used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication. South Dakota.
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"Negotiating with Obama is like playing chess with a pigeon…. the pigeon knocks over all the pieces, shits on the board and then struts around like it won the game." --- Vladimir Putin
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Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor."
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Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Click on the picture for the large version Wedding near Oregon wildfire
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittany Macintyre, 20, Tewksbury, New Hampshire Busted for prostitution at town library Earlier this week a New Hampshire woman was arrested for offering sex for cash at a suburban Massachusetts library. On Tuesday, police in Tewksbury got a tip that there was a woman working as a prostitute out of the town library. An undercover cop went to check it out that evening. He said that within moments of entering, Brittany Macintyre, 20, approached him with a pad and pen, and the two began passing notes. (You know, because it's the library and you should respect people's peace and quiet while engaging in your illicit transaction.) Eventually, according to police, Macintyre offered to perform a sex act on the cop in exchange for $60. She was arrested on charges of prostitution. Police say she was also wanted on drug charges. Back on Valentine’s Day, Macintyre was arrested for illegal possession of cocaine and heroin in Methuen. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: Telus malfunction Dear Webby Humor letter didn't arrive again. I finally managed to get a stuporvisor at Telus. They want you to re-send the Humor Letter. Dianne. ----------- ReSent ----------- Re-send it again, please. ----------- ReSent ----------- Re-send it again, please. ----------- They sure got some nerve! OK, ReSent ----------- Finally got it, after they turned their spam control off. Aparently the word "Casino" in "How to get rid of Desert Nights Casino" triggered their censorship. ----------- DUH! On whose side are they on anyway? ----------- I had requested that they turn their silly spam control OFF but some nitwit turned it on again. For now it is off. ----------- Glad that is solved! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Never Mix Cleaners or Household Chemicals For the fourth time in less than a year, I have responded to a med call where someone mixed household chemicals. Never, ever, in any form or combination, mix bleach with any other chemical. Do not mix vinegar with any other chemical. Do not mix ammonia with any other chemical. This includes general cleaning, in your mop water, in the dishwasher and washing machine. It can actually kill humans and pets. By mom-from-missouri [178] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard. "You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train doesn¹t stop here." Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry. If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it."
Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water."

» Axes of the Ages

Today in 
1777 The Continental Congress in Philadelphia adopted the 
 "Stars and Stripes" as the national flag of the United States. 
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in 
 Timor in a small boat.
1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his 
 reaping machine.
1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper.
1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston.
1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed 
 the Republic of California.
1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory.
1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote.
1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during WW I.
1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. Captain 
 John Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from Newfoundland 
 to Ireland.
1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with 
 the U.S. allowing American intervention in his country.
1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz 
 in German-occupied Poland.
1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied 
 loud speakers announced the implementation of a curfew 
 being imposed for 8 p.m.
1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could 
 not be made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted 
 with their religious beliefs.
1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortresses attacked an iron and steel 
 works factory on Honshu Island. It was the first U.S. raid 
 against mainland Japan.
1945 Burma was liberated by Britain.
1949 The state of Vietnam was formed.
1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed for 
 the U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's first 
 commercial computer.
1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear 
 powered submarine.
1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order adding 
 the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance.
1954 Americans took part in the first nation-wide civil defense 
 test against atomic attack.
1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon, South Vietnam.
1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space 
 probe's flight took it past Venus.
1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the 
 Falkland Islands.
1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary 
 knighthood from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II.
1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that 
are used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of Desert Nights Casino 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 13.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Frank!!
Thank you, David H.!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama woman, who tries to solicit murders of the family, where she is staying, via Facebook. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in South Dakota.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was. --- Margaret Mitchell (1900 - 1949) Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man. But they don't bite everybody. --- Stanislaw Lec
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? He had to break a window to get the drummer out!
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An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter."
Click on the picture for the large version Zaragoza, Aragon, Spain
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marissa Williams, 19, Tuscaloosa, Alabama Aunt Befriends Niece With Fake Facebook Account; Niece Allegedly Asks Her To Murder Family An Alabama woman's duplicitous attempt to befriend her niece with a fake Facebook account may be what saved her life. The niece was allegedly looking for someone to murder her entire family, including the aunt who set up the fake account. Marissa Williams, 19, is in the Tuscaloosa County Jail on charges of solicitation of murder. Authorities said she asked a person she met on Facebook named "Tre Topdog Ellis" to pretend to kidnap her and kill her family, along with the family dog. But Ellis was actually Williams' aunt, who set up the bogus Facebook account in May in order to teach her niece a lesson about the dangers of social media. The name of Williams' aunt has not been released, but the suspect has been living with her since April. The relationship was strained because Williams kept inviting strangers she met on Facebook over to the house, WSB TV reports. The aunt's experiment didn't go as planned. On May 24, the very first day of online interaction, Williams gave the fictional boy her phone number and address, and asked him to come over and get drunk. She also offered to have sex with him if he'd pay her $50 phone bill, AL.com reports. As the two conversed in the coming days, the suspect allegedly asked her Facebook friend to kidnap her and take her away from her family, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. The aunt didn't call police at first, but changed her mind when Williams suggested that "Tre" shoot and kill her family. Williams allegedly gave instructions on how to break into the aunt's room. Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Get rid of Desert Nights Casino Dear Webby The site that he wants off his computer is Desert Nights Casino. Sure hope you can help. Hope your eye surgery goes well. Thank you and God bless. Martha K Dear Martha Desert Nights Casino is not allowed into Canada, but seems to be popular in the US. Their live support chat is at Support Chat Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Polishing Silver In a small pot (the pot's size depends on what you're cleaning), place water to where it will cover the item being cleaned. Add 1 tsp. baking soda, 1 tsp. salt, and a capful of white vinegar. Then place the silver (silverware, etc.) on top a piece of aluminum foil with the shiny side down in pot, submerge it, then bring pot to a boil. Turn the silver or whatever it is on the other side, and you should see beautiful shiny silver on the side that was submerged. Don't ask me how it works but it really does. By Ms_Thrifty from Houston, TX The tarnish, Silver Oxide, gives it's Oxygen to the Aluminum, which desperately wants to become Aluminum Oxide. That turns the Silver Oxide back into Silver. The baking Soda accelerates the process. Vinegar and salt are optional. You still have to polish the silver afterwards with a linen or MicroFiber cloth to get a nice shine and slow down the inevitable future tarnishing. Inevitable, unless you do the final rub with a cloth dampened with a non-rancid oil like WD40 or gun oil. Those oils keep the oxygen away from the silver, and are easily polished off before using the utensils. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her, we just go out there and get her."
A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the barn" Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ? The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming than messing with cows and tearing down fences.

» Axes of the Ages

Today in 
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked 
 on an expedition to Africa.
1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American 
 colonies to help with their rebellion against the British.
1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington by 
 Mrs. Alexander Hamilton.
1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then 
 sold the rights for $400.
1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized.
1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese 
 Christians erupted into violence.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute 
 jump from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi.
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may 
 not be sent by parcel post.
1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. 
 He hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died 
 in 1991, 11 months after his hiccups ended.
1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr 
 and the rest of Germany.
1927 For the first time, an American Flag was displayed from 
 the right hand of the Statue of Liberty.
1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance.
1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. They were 
 soon captured.
1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain 
 from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets only 
 5 landed in Britain and only one managed to kill (6 people in London).
1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder.
1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been 
 installed by the French.
1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea.
1966 The landmark "Miranda vs. Arizona" decision was issued 
 by the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal 
 suspects had to be informed of their constitutional rights 
 before being questioned by police.
1971 The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon Papers". 
 The articles were a secret study of America's involvement 
 in Vietnam.
1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces 
 from Lebanon.
1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation 
 for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in 
 South Dakota.
1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the first 
 spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched in 
 March 1972. The first up-close images of the planet Jupiter 
 were provided by Pioneer 10.
1988 The Liggett Group, a cigarette manufacturer, was found 
 liable for a lung-cancer death. They were, however, found 
 innocent by the federal jury of misrepresenting the risks 
 of smoking.
1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and 
 Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the Exxon Valdez 
 oil spill.
1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more 
 nuclear tests in the South Pacific.
2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il welcomed 
 South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day summit. It 
 was the first such meeting between the leaders of North 
 and South Korea. 
2014  smiled.


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How toget rid of mystery site? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 12.

Thank you, John C.!

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Minnesota man, who threatened a neighbor with a gun over bike-riding lesson. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down nine U.S. planes and held 12 American survivors.
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There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960) Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) "Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." --- Kin Hubbard
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On a flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
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"On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take most of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gary Drake, 61, Minnesota Man threatens neighbor with a gun over bike-riding lesson A Minnesota man faces second-degree assault and terroristic threat charges after allegedly threatening a neighbor with a shotgun over the way the neighbor was teaching his 7-year-old daughter to ride a bike. When Gary Drake, 61, yelled some tips from his driveway on May 25, the neighbor told him, "I've got it." That got Drake mad, according to the criminal complaint, and he allegedly responded: "If you don't like my advice, get off my street." The neighbor told Drake that he didn't own the street in Rosemount and that the lesson would continue, TwinCities. com reports. As the bike lessons went on, Drake became increasingly agitated that his advice was ignored. So he went inside and came back out with a long-barreled gun and allegedly threatened the father and his 7-year-old daughter. Drake's wife eventually pulled the gun away and dragged him inside the house. A few moments later, he was back outside. As the neighbor and his daughter walked away, Drake allegedly yelled, "I'm going to kill ya," CBS Minneapolis reports. When police arrived on the scene, Drake allegedly told them he didn’t like how the neighbor treated his daughter. Drake also said he had been drinking but denied alcohol had anything to do with what the complaint refers to as "poor decision-making," according to the Star-Tribune. Drake said that perhaps he should have been more drastic. "Maybe next time. I should have shot him," MyFoxTwinCities reports. His wife told police she tried to stop her husband and she gave them the shotgun and another rifle. Drake is free on bail and is due for a court appearance on Aug. 11. --------------- About a dozen years ago I flew to Florida to teach Sandie to ride her brand new Harley VR, and to grasp "counter-steering". I was a bit concerned about the racket her Harley VR with straight pipes made on her residential street, as she was cruising up and down doing a slalom around the dotted center line. However, people there did not seem to mind. Some came out to cheer her on, a few even took pictures of her. Being comfortable with counter-steering saved her live quite a few times in dicey traffic situations. Being able to correctly and instantaneously lean and gun it out of a bad situation is extremely important. I wish every new rider was taught how to do that! Sandie has died a year ago, but not on the road. Tech Support Pits From: Martha Re: Get rid of site Dear Webby need instructions On Wednesday, June 11, 2014, 04:38 PM, Martha K wrote: You help me get PC Tools off my Computor and now my husbands has a site that we can't get off. We tried Control Panel. Programs & uninstall. But that doesn't take it off. Would you PLEASE send me the instructions again. Thank You Martha Dear Martha My Ouija board is broken. What is the name of the site or program, that you want to get rid of? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kiddie Pool As Cooler When cooking and serving out-of-doors, pick up one of those cheap, rigid plastic kiddy pools, fill it with ice, and set bowls of cold foods in the ice. You can also keep cans of juice or soda pop in the pool. We've been using this method for keeping foods cold when we're cooking outside and on picnics for over 40 years and have never lost a potato salad yet. If it's a big party, by all means use 2 pools, one for drinks and one for foods. I think they take up less room than all the bowls and containers sitting out too. By Julia from Boca Raton, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

» Axes of the Ages

Today in 
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they 
 met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem.
1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples.
1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. 
 It was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam.
1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began.
1838 The Iowa Territory was organized.
1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, 
 according to the legend.
1849 The gas mask was patented by L.P. Haslett.
1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object 
 later became known as the Swiss army knife.
1898 Philippine nationalists declared their 
 independence from Spain.
1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would 
 allow the expansion of the German navy.
1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate 
 by accepting the Platt Amendment.
1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit 
 occurred on World War I's Western Front in France.
1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man 
 to attend military training camp.
1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet 
 above the ground, escaped from a strait jacket.
1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over 
 plans to admit Germany.
1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and 
 Paraguay had been fighting since 1932.
1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under 
 Joseph Stalin.
1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. 
 It was the first step towards the establishment of the 
 United Nations.
1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that 
 he would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the 
 war against Japan.
1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, 
 and Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre.
1963 Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in 
 front of his home in Jackson, MS.
1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages 
 were ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court.
1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty 
 of corrupt election practices in 1971.
1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered, 
 across the English Channel.
1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in 
 New York City's Central Park.
1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the 
 NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league 
 Most Valuable Player.
1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million 
 in aid to the Nicaraguan contras.
1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency. 
 Virtually unlimited power was given to security forces and 
 restrictions were put on news coverage of the unrest.
1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail Gorbachev 
 to tear down the Berlin Wall.
1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally declared 
 its sovereignty.
1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N. 
 Yeltsin as the president of their republic.
1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin stated 
 that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down nine U.S. 
 planes and held 12 American survivors.
1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a 
 law against indecency on the internet. The panel said that 
 the 1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the 
 free speech rights of adults.
1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment Corp. 
 in largest high-tech acquisition.
1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo 
 in Yugoslavia.
2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in 
 nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13, 
 1984, after being injured in a car accident.
2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to 
 digital was completed.
2014  smiled.


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Free Graphics Program 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 11.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky Man Wearing Marijuana-Themed T-Shirt Busted On Marijuana Trafficking Charge Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 - Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner,
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two.
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Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours, or rather listened to her for four hours." Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lidia Zuradzka, 52, WHEELING, Illinois Kentucky Man Wearing Marijuana-Themed T-Shirt Busted On Marijuana Trafficking Charge A Kentucky man wearing a narcotics-themed t-shirt was arrested last night for marijuana trafficking following a traffic stop, police report. A search of Andrew Anderson’s vehicle turned up packages of pot and cash that investigators concluded represented the proceeds of drug sales. As seen in Anderson’s booking photo, the 22-year-old had on an “All my friends are baked” t-shirt when collared. During a subsequent search of Anderson’s home in Wingo, police seized more marijuana and assorted drug paraphernalia. Anderson was charged with marijuana trafficking and possession of drug paraphernalia, both misdemeanors. He was also cited for a vehicular violation for failing to properly signal. Anderson was released from custody today after posting $2500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Brittny Re: Graphics program Dear Webby I need a complete graphics program, but I can't afford photoshop oreven your favorite PSP. Is there one, that is free or nearly free? I am not used to and stuck on any graphics program, and would prefer to stay away from cracked, illegal versions. Thanks Brittny Dear Brittny There IS indeed a program written for you and Millions like you: GIMP It is not gimpy at all but the GNU Image Manipulation Program and is totally free. The manual is at http://www.gimp.org/docs/ Downloads are at http://www.gimp.org/downloads/ Don't get it from scam sites, that will let you have an old download, IF you agree to let them install a tool bar or other malware. Like many popular programs, it has attracted scammers trying to cash in on a good name. Always go straight to Gimp.org and avoid the scammers. As far as I know, you can do anything you want with Gimp, that could be done with Photoshop, but just like Photoshop, very few people get even near the limits. It has built in help, and also complete manuals in many languages. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Citronella Soap as Mosquito Repellent I tried the 50/50 baby oil and vinegar as a mosquito repellent and I still got bitten. I tried using citronella soap and put it all on my legs and arms and the mosquitoes did not bite me at all. Just put water on the citronella soap and spread it all over the exposed legs/arms. Do not rinse it off. I am so happy and I don't have to use the chemical spray "Off" on my body anymore. Best of luck to all who get mosquito bites. By michellegwu from West Palm Beach, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Classic! A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and nobody lent a car to them either!"
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska."

» Red Flowers

Today in 
1346 - Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected 
 Holy Roman Emperor in Germany.
1509 - King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, 
 Catherine of Aragon.
1770 - Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef 
 off of Australia when he ran aground.
1798 - Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta.
1895 - Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted 
 to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven American automobile.
1910 - Jacques-Yves Cousteau was born. He was the French underwater 
 explorer that invented the Aqua-Lung diving apparatus.
1912 - Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off 
 from the roof of a hotel.
1915 - British troops took Cameroon in Africa.
1930 - William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426 
 feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber 
 called a bathysphere.
1934 - The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure.
1937 - Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army 
 generals.
1940 - The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at 
 Malta in the Mediterranean.
1942 - The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease agreement 
 to aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II.
1943 - During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria 
 surrendered after a heavy air bombardment.
1947 - The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing.
1963 - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for 
 trying to integrate restaurants.
1963 - Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students 
 to enroll at the University of Alabama.
1967 - Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire.
1973 - After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State 
 of Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle.
1977 - In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to 
 an end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being 
 held by South Moluccan extremists. Two hostages and the six 
 terrorists were killed.
1982 - Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened.
1987 - Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister 
 in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of office.
1990 - The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would prohibit 
 the desecration of the American Flag.
1991 - Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption of ash 
 and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles.
1993 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate crimes" 
 could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also ruled in favor 
 of religious groups saying that they indeed had a constitutional right 
 to sacrifice animals during worship services.
1993 - Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened.
1998 - Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the largest 
 sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The federal lawsuit 
 claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured 
 groping and crude jokes from male workers.
1998 - Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and offered to 
 talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 

2014  smiled.


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Did north Korea really take over Gmail? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 10.

In seven days from now I will get the first cataract
operation. I am not worried about the operation. That
apparently is a well practised routine, and the doctor
in charge is a teaching doctor supervising, with a student
doing the actual work. 
My only concern is whether I can write and send out the
newsletters that night. We'll see.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Illinois woman jailed for breaking into home and taking beer Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
>From Roland In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capital letters. For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement: "Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse." Is everybody clear on that?
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had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lidia Zuradzka, 52, WHEELING, Illinois Woman jailed for breaking into home and taking beer An Illinois woman's desire for an alcoholic beverage got her tossed into the slammer. Lidia Zuradzka has been accused of breaking into a stranger's home in Wheeling and demanding a beer on Monday. According to Cook County Assistant State's Attorney David Shin, Zuradzka entered the house through an unlocked door while the female homeowner was upstairs. The homeowner walked into her living room and allegedly saw Zuradzka holding a beer that had been left out on a table. When asked what she was doing, Zuradzka responded "I want beer," the Daily Herald reported. The homeowner screamed and Zuradzka left the residence. The 52-year-old has been charged with residential burglary charges and was held on a $100,000 bond on Wednesday. Zuradzka has previous convictions for residential burglary and criminal trespass to a residence Tech Support Pits From: Rolando Re: North Korea? Dear Webby I'm a long time user of Gmail. Never had problems until now that sometimes the links for graphics or to Ophelia or for pictures don't work. Today all was fine except for a warning that the message could be a phising type. Of course I discarded the note and enjoyed the newsletter. However I understand that Google owns the service, and then why North Korean "censors" are mentioned in your newsletter as being the ones interfering with the service? Thank you Rolando Dear Rolando People use Gmail for receiving and sending email, not for having their email censored by some incompetent do-gooders acticng like North Korean email censors. Whether the Gmail censors are real North Koreans, or just act like they were, is not known for sure. I had to cut the link to MyFrugalLife,com, because they thought it was naughty and cut emails to some people because of it. I would love to frugal their turnip and inject some brains! On other reader's newsletters they cut out the vote button, claimed it was phishing. Before the North Korean Censors took over, Gmail was an excellent email system. Now it is time to look for a replacement. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Newspaper for Stinky Shoes Sure, there are many things you can do to try and remedy the long-time battle of the "stinky shoe". You can mix various concoctions, sprinkle dust, make magic potions or whatever, but why not invest that valuable time somewhere else? Want to get rid of the stink? Stuff the shoes with newspaper. That's right. Newspaper. Shoes should be "stink-free" come morning! Source: I'm the grandmother of the boy with the world's stinkiest shoes! By FranFran from Zebulon, Georgia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers"
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.

» Pretty Pix

Today in 
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write 
 a Declaration of Independence.
1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the 
 first public zoo.
1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on 
 the U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able 
 to travel safely through the Mediterranean without being
 attacked by Tripoli's pirates.
1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its 
 first graduation.
1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the 
 Spanish-American War.
1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented 
 by Americus F. Callahan.
1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. 
 The Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked 
 off the Azores.
1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs 
 during the Great Arab Revolt.
1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage.
1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book that 
 denied the theory of evolution.
1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. 
 In addition, Canada declared war on Italy.
1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a 
 Hungarian journalist.
1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock.
1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy.
1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-1.
1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been 
 produced successfully.
1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the 
 Six-Day War.
1970 A fifteen-man group of special forces troops began training 
 for Operation Kingpin. The operation was a POW rescue mission 
 in North Vietnam.
1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China.
1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic missile.
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic 
 relations for the first time in 117 years.
1985 Frank Sinatra was portrayed as a friend of organized crime 
 in a "Doonesbury" comic strip.
1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days 
 of occupation.
1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free 
 election since 1946. The movement was founded by President 
 Vaclav Havel.
1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first 
 free elections in more than four decades.
1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was 
 extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against Haiti's 
 military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was suspended along 
 with most financial transactions between Haiti and the U.S.
1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks. 
 The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded.
1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in 
 Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense.
1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan 
 Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo.
2014  smiled.


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Can you revert to an older version of Gmail without North Korean style Censorship? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 8.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Drunk driver had three jell-o shots stuffed in her pockets Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-pollution devices in 1.6 million cars.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
David and Bernice had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously. Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one, I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car."
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work." I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
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>From Ed FOR SEVERAL YEARS my husband and I have made a conscientious effort to get our family to eat more healthful foods at meals and for snacks. The children often express their discontent with this. One afternoon I returned from grocery shopping and our 17-year-old son started to unpack the bags. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed, pulled out paper towels in a new earth-tone shade. "Whole-wheat towels!"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cathy Sanchez, 28, Clydon, Texas Drunk driver had three jell-o shots stuffed in her pockets A Minnesota woman arrested early Saturday for drunk driving had several “alcohol Jello-shots” stuffed in her pockets when searched by police, according to a court filing. Cathy Sanchez, 28, was driving on Highway 10 around 2 AM when a cop spotted her vehicle speeding and swerving across the road. Upon pulling over Sanchez’s Buick LeSabre, a Glyndon Police Department officer detected signs that she was impaired (slurred speech, bloodshot and watery eyes, and an aroma of booze). Pictured above, Sanchez failed a series of sobriety tests and registered a .136 blood alcohol content during a Breathalyzer test. “In a search incident to her arrest,” an investigator noted in a probable cause statement, an officer “located three alcohol Jello-shots in the female’s pockets.” For her part, Sanchez--who initially gave cops a fake name-- told officers that she had previously been busted five times for drunk driving. A subsequent police check revealed three DWI convictions and a concealed weapons conviction. Her license had also been cancelled as “inimical to public safety.” Sanchez was charged in a four-count criminal complaint that includes a pair of felony charges that each carry a maximum of seven years in prison. She is currently locked up in the Clay County jail, where bond was set at $20,000. She's really going to be considered "inimical" now! Tech Support Pits From: Adela Re: Can you return to older versions of Gmail? Dear Webby Is there a way to return to older versions of Gmail from the days, before the North Koreans took it over? Adela Dear Adela Unfortunately that is impossible. The North Korean dicks, ahem, I mean dicktaters, do the censorship at their end. You are just a visitor, and have no voice. The search for a usable alternative to Gmail continues. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Half Recommended Detergent Laundry detergent may help remove stains and scent your clothes, but it's not the main reason they get clean. Most of the cleaning is done by your washer's agitator and by the clothes rubbing against each other, which loosens dirt. That is why experts say you can use half the recommended detergent and still get fresh, clean clothes! Source: From a Sears delivery guy By Aurora CO Awesome Mom! [81] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ella Let's just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than wait for the bus," I suggested to my two young sons. Much to their displeasure, we began our walk. After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: "Mom, why do you always make the decisions?" "Because I'm an adult," I said. "When you become an adult, then you'll make the decisions." He thought for a few seconds, then said: "No, I won't. Then I'll have a wife."
Another way to annoy telemarketers: Use your touch-tone phone to annoy the caller by playing "Mary Had a Little Lamb": 6-5-4-5 6-6-6 5-5-5 6-6-6. 6-5-4-5 6-6-6-6 5-5-6-5 4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4-4

» Depth or Death Defying Pi

Today in 
2014  smiled.


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Because of censorship Gmail is no longer reliable 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 8.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Burglary Suspect's Mom Arrested For Punching Deputy Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-pollution devices in 1.6 million cars.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. --- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak. --- Jay Leno
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A little boy returning home from school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
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A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version These survved the winter outside and bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sanqusia Johnson, Burglary Suspect's Mom Arrested For Punching Deputy The mother of a teenage burglary suspect is behind bars herself after allegedly punching a sheriff's sergeant who was trying to charge her son. The Saturday night incident began when sheriff's deputies in Pinal County, Arizona saw three teens walking and recognized two as possible suspects in several recent residential burglaries, AzStarNet.com reports. The deputies took suspects Jesse Samano, 16, and Kenneth Mosley, 17, into custody for questioning. Samano was questioned with his mother present and admitted to committing the burglaries with Mosley, police claim. He was released to the custody of his mother and faces burglary charges. Mosley was about to be question when his mother, Sanqusia Johnson, 37, arrived with her boyfriend, Genaire Roberts, 42, at the Arizona City substation. Investigators say Johnson was confrontational with officers when her son was being questioned and that she had to be restrained. When a supervisor tried to walk her away from her son, she allegedly struck the deputy in the face with her hand, Roberts then allegedly grabbed on to Johnson to prevent her from being handcuffed, AzCentral.com reports. Both Roberts and Johnson were taken into custody. Johnson was booked into the Pinal County Jail on charges of aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct and obstruction of a governmental operation, KPHO.com reports. Roberts was cited and released for obstruction of a governmental operation. According to Pinal County Sherrif Paul Babeu, Roberts allegedly told a deputy that when Johnson "acts like that at home he just leaves until she calms down,” according to AzStarNet.com. Moseley was referred to juvenile court on the burglary charges. Tech Support Pits From: Robert & Loretta Re: Gmail censorship Dear Webby When I receive your humor letter It tells me that this message could be a scam and also there is no place to vote like I do for Ophelia Please help if you can!! Robert&Loretta Dear Robert & Loretta That is the Gmail malfunction, that I have written about. Just make a filter. When you have a filter in place to Never put the Humor letter into Spam, and to mark it as Important, then the sniveling ninnies usually won't sabotage it. You can use the Subject line, which always starts with Humor: or the FROM line, which is always humor@webby.com It is sad, that Gmail has been taken over by North Korean censors, and I can no longer recommend it. Right now I am hoping that Protonmail from CERN gets out of BETA soon and becomes available to everybody. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dishwater in Garden I keep a large empty bucket by the floor near my kitchen sink. As I rinse off my dishes, I collect the water in a container in the sink (I use an empty large sized yogurt container). then I pour the water I collect into the bucket until it is full. I use this to water all of my potted plants in the garden. If there is left over water, I use it to water my flowers and veggies. This not only saves many gallons of water, but the soap residue in the water seems to cut down on bugs that attack my plants. I have almost no insects in my organic garden. It has also cut down on my water bill which used to be considerable. By Lois from Cleveland, OH All water from the kitchen sink can be used in the garden. Unless you are renting in an apartent, you can easily enough undo the "U" trap under the sink, and connect it to a pipe or hose through the wall and to your rain barrel. Gray water is fertilizer and bug repellant, not just already paid for water. In winter,when you don't water the garden, reconnect the "U". Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece: (don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art) CARSTIANITY "Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo." Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton. I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler. He is the Alfa and the Romeo. He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras. He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged. Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee. If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos. He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta." He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross. But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza. Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk. He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals. Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle. Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder." Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo! GM
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid," said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause Finally the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"

» Durer's Magic Square

Today in 
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun.
0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England.
1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream 
 was advertised for the first time.
1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary 
 Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 
 1789 by Alexander Hamilton.
1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein.
1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the 
 suction vacuum cleaner.
1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress.
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect 
 U.S. citizens.
1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned 
 in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the 
 Lusitania.
1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants 
 in Washington, DC.
1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to 
 begin fighting offensively.
1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the 
 Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and 
 its Arab neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. 
 Israel later called the incident a tragic mistake due 
 to the mis-identification of the ship. The U.S. has 
 never publicly investigated the incident.
1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President 
 Thieu of South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops 
 would pull out by August.
1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the 
 "Mormon will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly 
 written by Howard Hughes.
1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra 
 hearings. She said that she had helped to shred some 
 documents.
1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to 
 honor veterans of the Persian Gulf War.
1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month 
 cease-fire.
1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was 
 rescued by U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia 
 after his F-16 fighter was shot down on June 2.
1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast.
1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting 
 anti-pollution devices in 1.6 million cars.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, 
 ending America's three-year partnership with Russia.
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known 
continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. 
 Pacific Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico 
 border on September 28.
2014  smiled.


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How to use Credit / Debit cards at PayPal 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 7.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Indiana doctor caught trading prescriptions for sex Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the breakup of Microsoft Corporation.
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I have never been hurt by anything I didn't say. --- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my p-mail."
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Thanks to Dora for this story: One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40+, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles E. Myers, 65, Mishawaka, Indiana Indiana doctor caught trading prescriptions for sex Dr. Charles Myers, 65, is accused of trading sex for drugs. An Indiana doctor is being accused of trading prescriptions for sex. His daughter is also charged with selling prescriptions. On Wednesday, police in Mishawaka, Indiana, charged Dr. Charles E. Myers, 65, with two Class B felonies for allegedly dealing controlled substances and booked him i nto St. Joseph County Jail on $10,000 cash bond. His daughter, Autumn Myers, 30, who worked as the office manager, was charged with one Class B felony for dealing in controlled substances and booked into jail on $5,000 cash bond. She was later released. Supervisory Deputy Indiana Attorney General Drew Adams with the Medicaid Fraud Control Unit said the doctor had been in a sex-for-cash relationship with an unidentified woman since 2010. The woman told investigators Myers paid her approximately $10,000 for sex over a two-year period. At one point in the relationship, he told her he could no longer pay for sex and offered to pay her with prescriptions. The prescriptions were written in the woman's name and in the names of several other people, investigators said. Other patients allegedly claim they received prescriptions for controlled substances, including Adderall, oxycodone and methadone. Dr. Myers never examined these patients, according to court documents. Police estimate that Myers issued about 150 prescriptions without legitimate medical reasons between 2011 and the beginning of 2014, Meyers allegedly advised the woman to become a patient of her father and to “make up” a medical problem to obtain Adderall, according to WNDU.com. Court documents allege that Dr. Myers admitted to the affair and to providing the woman with controlled substance prescription for her and her friends, according to WNDU. As a condition of bail, Dr. Myers license to practice medicine has been suspended. Autumn Myers will be in court on June 17 to set trial and record dates. Dr. Myers' trial will be assigned on June 19. Tech Support Pits From: Ophelia Re: Pay with cards at PayPal Dear Webby One of my subscribers wanted to know how to pay with credit cards at PayPal, so I showed hi the top secret trick. Some of your subscribers might be interested in that trick too. So here is what I answered:
Requested by Lawrence: The TOP SECRET trick for paying with a credit card at PayPal: Click on the almost hidden Continue at the bottom! Then on the next page, that it continues to, you can use your cards. Enjoy! Ophelia
Thanks Ophelia! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Solar Lights for Camping I discovered this by chance last year while packing for camping. I took my 2 outdoor solar lights to use in my tent. These have a flat bottom because they hang from small shepard hooks. I put them outside the tent door in sunlight to recharge during the day and brought them inside at night. Worked great and were fireproof. By Tootic from Plainville, CT Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into flames. There were no injuries.
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.

» Durer's Magic Square

Today in 
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had 
 discovered between themselves.
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of 
 exploration.
1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England.
1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France.
1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of 
 slaves.
1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United 
 States.
1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the 
 Continental Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration 
 of Independence.
1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops.
1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire.
1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and 
 Tientsin in China.
1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of 
 Polonium.
1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence 
 as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome.
1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, 
 demanding their bonuses.
1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc.
1937 The cover of "LIFE" magazine showed the latest in campus 
 fashions of the times, which included saddle shoes.
1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 
 4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, 
 and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, 
 the destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 
 casualties.
1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska 
 in the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians 
 one year later.
1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony 
 sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived.
1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia.
1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered.
1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home 
 videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for $995.
1965 Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission featured the 
 first spacewalk by an American.
1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 
 miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam.
1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only 
 nuclear reactor.
1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its 
 consulates and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that 
 they could not longer remain in the U.S.
1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District 
 of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-
 possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
 breakup of Microsoft Corporation. 
2014  smiled.


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Forged FROM line in email 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, June 6.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio man who tried impersonating a cop in Florida Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, Canadian and British troops were involved.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The big thieves hang the little ones. --- Czech Proverb They certainly give very strange names to diseases. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We went up there, got to know 'em a little bit, got 'em baptized and started passing the collection plate to them. Haven't seen 'em since."
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Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier and she asked him what three things he worried him most. He answered: "Obama, Taliban, and Yo Mama."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael McMahon, 20, of Ohio Fake officer accused of pulling over a real one, ST. AUGUSTINE, Florida: Police say a man impersonating an officer faces charges after signaling a real detective to pull over on a road in Florida. St. Johns County authorities say 20-year-old Matthew Michael Lee McMahon activated a red and blue light Monday while driving behind an unmarked sheriff's car. Detective Chance Anderson pulled over and was shocked to see an unknown face behind the wheel of the other car. First Coast News reports that during his more than 10 years of service the detective has arrested several police impersonators. But none had ever ordered him to stop his car. McMahon is charged with impersonating an officer and unlawfully displaying blue lights. He was released Tuesday after posting $5,500 in bail. Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: Fake FROM line in email Dear Webby Hope this mail comes with you in good health. I have a question about spam. I keep getting e-mails that the come from from (Intuit.com) but with another person is in the From: line. For example: Solar America (info@intuit.com). If I run the mouse over the first part Solar America the little info box comes up saying info@intuit.com. My spam catcher dose put these in the junk mail but I would like to know how that is done. Sometimes I bounce it back them. Thanks for all your hard work putting this page, my first stop in the AM. Jack Dear Jack You can put anything you want into the FROM line. President of the Universe pres@universe.com whatever you want. Most email programs don't care or have a setting allowing you to change the FROM line. The spammers just forge the info@intuit.com sender address. Just make a filter to dump anything, that contains Solar America and/or intuit.com Bouncing mail like that is useless, since intuit.com is really not interested in that and probably use MailWasher to get rid of that crap. unseen, right on the server. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chain Clothes Drying Line I use lengths of painted, rustproof chain instead of cotton or nylon cord on my clothesline poles. Then I hang the clothing on hangers and put on the line. When they're dry, all I have to do is hang them in the closet! Towels can be hung the usual way, with clips. By Beth from Danvile, OH I use regular plastic sleeved steel cable clothesline with clothesline pulleys on the deck and on the garage. I drive my laundry cart out onto the deck, hang clothes and just push the line along until all the space between the deck and the garage is filled. For hangers I just put clothes pegs onto them. They lock them securely and they never slide. Have FUN DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Advice to aspiring newsletter writers: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalise. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And the last one... 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
A Mother's Dictionary... Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own. Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms. Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. Show off: A child who is more talented than yours. Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. Verbal: Able to whine in words Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

» Aviary at La Paz

Today in 
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India.
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at 
 Stony Creek, Ontario.
1833 Andrew Jackson became the first U.S. president to 
 ride in a train. It was a B&O passenger train.
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely.
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was 
 an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts.
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler.
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went 
 into effect. It was a penny per gallon.
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened.
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in 
 Berlin, Germany.
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign 
 ships in U.S. ports.
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray 
 in Hartford, CT.
1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle 
 of Midway. The battle had begun on June 4.
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches 
 of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, Canadian and
 British troops were involved.
1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in 
 Los Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy 
 was was shot the evening before while campaigning for 
 the Democratic presidential nomination.
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive 
 PLO guerrillas out of Beirut.
1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was 
 located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was 
 known as the "Angel of Death."
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections.
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal 
 authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana 
 on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical 
 marijuana laws did not protect users from the federal ban 
 on the drug.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail eats newsletters 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, June 5


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Airline Passenger, who was Arrested After Saying, 'I Kill White People Like You' Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading" --- Thomas Jefferson According to a new medical study, barbecuing is bad for your prostate. Well, I'm glad they got this out in time. I was going to barbecue my prostate this weekend. I had no idea it's bad for it. --- Jay Leno As kids, instead of building sandcastles, we'd make sand sculptures of naked women. It was tricky though, cause we didn't know what naked women looked like. I grew up in Scotland in the 1970s. I was 24 before I saw a woman with her coat off. I thought a cardigan was an erogenous zone. --- Craig Ferguson You can't really fight for peace, but we intend to make sure that from now on the inevitable hostilities take place on their turf, and not on ours. --- G.W. Bush
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Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered, "A good lawyer."
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Thanks to Kim for this story: I'd had a pretty hectic day with my three-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law: "We're getting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!" Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and I heard her say, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have moms and dads." Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Riley Allen Mullins, 28, Port Orchard, Washington Airline Passenger, who was Arrested After Saying, 'I Kill White People Like You' Lashonda Lee Williams was arrested after allegedly saying 'I kill white people like you.' A 43-year-old woman is being charged with assault after allegedly making threatening comments on a United Airlines flight. According to a court affidavit obtained by The Huffington Post, Lashonda Lee Williams was asked to turn off her phone shortly after takeoff on a flight from Nashville, Tennessee, to Houston on Sunday. Williams allegedly responded by saying, “I kill white people like you," Williams allegedly told a female passenger that she would follow her once the flight reached Houston in order to find out where she lived. The affidavit notes the woman feared for her safety. The plane returned to Nashville shortly after takeoff. Once there, Williams was arrested and charged with assault. Davidson County Sheriff’s Office records state Williams was released Sunday night. She was let out on $3,000 bond, reports note. She is scheduled for a court appearance on June 25. Tech Support Pits From: Sig Re: Gmail eats newsletters Dear Webby for a long time you have brought a smile to me every day. Thank you for your great efforts in the news letter. I hope everything went OK in your recent invasive procedure. Recently your newsletter arrives in my email and within five seconds it disappears. Ophelia's letter does not disappear so I have to click in her letter for your letter. It shows and stays open in my browser. I thought to bring this to your attention. Sig Dear Sig Yes, the colonoscopy went OK. They clipped five polyps and sent them to some lab for analysis. Re newsletter disappearing, that might be related to the current malfunctions at Gmail. Check in the SPAM and the TRASH. The remedy is the same as what I have been recommending for years. Make a filter. That is why I have used a consistent subject line long before there was a Gmail. It always starts with "Humor: " Without the quotes, of course. Also, the FROM has always been humor@webby.com You can use the subject line or the FROM for a filter. Tell the filter to never put it into SPAM, and mark it as Important. That usually does the trick. There is no point writing to Gmail. The girl, who knew how to read mail, seems to have left. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Ice Cream from Freezer Burn This is a great and simple tip to save your ice cream from getting frostbitten. Get a freezer zip lock bag and place your ice cream container in it and seal it. And there you go, it is something so simple and will help save your ice cream. By Teresa L S. [16] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The pastor's sermon focused on how God know's which of us grows best in the sunlight and which of us needs shade. "For example," he said, "roses must be planted in the sun, but fuchsias thrive in the shade." After the service, a woman, her face beaming, approached him. "Your sermon did me so much good," she said. Before he had time to gloat too much, however, she added, "I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias."
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. ------- I know some clients like that.

» Umbrellas

Today in 
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of 
 Fontaine-Francaise.
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to 
 demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity.
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
 Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving 
 in any foreign armed forces.
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans.
1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment 
 of "Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era."
1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. 
 The charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 stored.
1884 U.S. Civil War General William T. Sherman refused 
 the Republican presidential nomination, saying, "I will 
 not accept if nominated and will not serve if elected."
1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft.
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first 
 facsimile message across the Atlantic Ocean.
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. 
 off of the gold standard.
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when 
 Germany began an offensive in Southern France.
1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers 
 that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans.
1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line 
 in Bangkok, Thailand.
1946 The first medical sponges were first offered for sale 
 in Detroit, MI.
1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech 
 at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan.
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the 
 Soviet Communist Party Congress.
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and 
 Jordan began.
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, 
 eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war 
 with Israel.
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention 
 reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from a 
 rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune systems. 
 They were the first recognized cases of what came to be known 
 as AIDS.
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton 
 of selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced 
 to three life prison terms plus 10 years.
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory 
 near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and 
 idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks.
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor 
 Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer.
1998 C-Span reported that Bob Hope had died. The report was 
 false and had begun with an inaccurate obituary on the 
 Associated Press website.
2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling personal 
 computers later in the year.
2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy 
in Groton, CT.
2014  smiled.


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Replacement printer 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, June 4.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Bozo, who robbed woman's ipod, then friended her on facebook the next day Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. --- Steven Weinberg (1933 - ) Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
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>From Nanarina As a crowded United Airlines plane is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man with a baseball cap that said Viet Nam Vet on it slowly walked forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken man leaned down and, motioning toward his chest, whispered something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calmed down, gently took his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the old vet slowly made his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, Sir," she asked quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little devil?" The old man smiled serenely and gently confided, "I showed him my old helicopter pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose. That did the trick"
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>From Nanarina THE LUCKY LOTTO WINNER At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?” I’d take my half and leave you” she says. “Great” he says. “Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.”
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Riley Allen Mullins, 28, Port Orchard, Washington Bozo robs woman's ipod, then friends her on facebook the next day Authorities say that a 28-year-old man suspected of robbing a woman at a Washington ferry terminal friended her on Facebook the next day. The Kitsap Sun reports Saturday that Riley Allen Mullins was charged Friday in Kitsap District Court with second-degree robbery. Authorities say a woman was sitting at the Bremerton ferry terminal on Tuesday using her headphones when she was struck on the head from behind. After being struck, a man grabbed her iPod and purse and ran. She didn't recognize the man but noticed a tattoo of a triangle on his neck. The next day, the woman received a Facebook friend request and recognized the sender as the man who robbed her. Investigators confirmed the Facebook account belonged to Mullins, and they noted a profile picture of Mullins showing the triangle neck tattoo. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Which printer? Dear Webby, Webby, Hope everything worked out OK for you today (pardon the pun). Would like your sage advice once again... My multipurpose (scan, copy, print) inkjet printer is not well. Ink even from Atlantic is not worth the investment considering how often I have to clean print head and the ink runs out. It is an Epson 7800 and was a gift many years ago. I would like advice on a multipurpose laser printer and where is best place to purchase. It does not need to be a color printer and it does not get much use in copying or scanning but is nice to have rather than go to a store to copy. It is for personal use and only occasionally has to print 50 pages at a time. Normally just a few. Best Regards Frank Dear Frank Keep the relic for scanning and faxing, and get yourself a cheap black Laser printer. Dell sells black laser printers for about the same as a decent color ink-jet. Even color laser printers have become quite affordable. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Steel Wool Pads in a Jar I keep my used pad in a small jar with a lid. I had accidentally pushed a pad in a jar to the back of my cabinet and a few months later when I discovered it, it was still unrusted and usable. Source: My Mom Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few... "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck."
Thanks to Dianne for this story: The other day, my wife and I were discussing clothes for awhile, and then she said she was going to visit the local Super-Store. Did I want anything from there while she was shopping there. I replied, "Yes, honey... I could use a new G-string." She looked at me kinda oddly, and went to the store. When she got back, she presented me with a g-string made for women to wear (who dance at bars) to avoid 100% exposure. "Here," she said, "I hope this is what you are looking for!" I replied to her, "Yeah, baby -- that is JUST what I needed! Now, show me how to put it on my guitar and tune it!"

» Polydactyl Stars

Today in 
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu 
 after a six month siege.
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him 
 as a hostage.
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a 
 hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and 
 reached a height of 8,500 feet.
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti.
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after 
 conflicts over tributes, that should have stopped pirating,
 but didn't, until the US Navy shelled them for a week.
1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the 
 Missouri Territory.
1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was 
 the first stately, double-decker steamboat.
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain.
1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his 
 new car in Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a 
 "Quadricycle."
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek.
1918 French and American troops halted Germany's 
 offensive at Chateau-Thierry, France.
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill.
1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in 
 New York City in memory of all New York soldiers who 
 died in World War I.
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William 
 Swan in Atlantic City, NJ.
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown 
 and Edward Pollard.
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan 
 Goldman in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding 
 chair that had been mounted on wheels.
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 
 troops at Dunkirk, France.
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major 
 victory for America over Japan during World War II. 
 The battle ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion 
 in the Pacific.
1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military 
 coup that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo.
1944 U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by 
 the U.S. Navy.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, 
 which began the liberation of the Italian capital.
1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president.
1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley 
 Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United 
 States to intervene in labor disputes.
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier 
 Buu Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete 
 independence" to Vietnam.
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery 
 shells fired from the coast of Communist China.
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to 
 the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the 
 Texas Rangers.
1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an 
 aviator with the U.S. Army.
1984 For the first time in 32 years, Arnold Palmer failed 
to make the cut for the U.S. Open golf tournament.
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily 
 minute of silence in public schools.
1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence 
 analyst, pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. 
 He was sentenced to life in prison.
1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited 
 the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants. 
 It was known as the "deep pockets law."
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square 
 to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that 
 hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed.
1992 The U.S. Postal Service announced that people preferred 
 the "younger Elvis" stamp design in a nationwide vote.
2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that 
 would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote.
2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 
 1 million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order 
 of the Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21.
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries 
 to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store. 
2014  smiled.


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Is 123 card mail legit? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, June 3.

Thank you Moe!

By the time you read this, I am on my way to Calgary 
for a colonoscopy. 


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 19 year old of Snohomish, Washington, who claimed that he caused the 3 car crash in the tunnel because he fainted from holding his breath for 10 seconds. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. --- Russell Baker (1925 - )
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Murphy man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and steal one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments." After church, Murphy met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it." Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?" Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left me hat!"
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How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Click on the picture for the large version From the Metro Sun
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Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel J. Calhon, 19, of Snohomish, Washington Bozo caused 3 car accident in tunnel and claims he fainted from holding his breath A 19-year-old man told investigators he caused a three-car crash when he fainted while holding his breath as he drove through a tunnel northwest of Portland, Oregon State Police said. Daniel J. Calhon, of Snohomish, Washington, instead of admitting to what he did, told investigators he fainted Sunday afternoon while holding his breath in the Highway 26 tunnel near the community of Manning, according to a news release. His car, a 1990 Toyota Camry, drifted across the centerline and crashed head-on with a Ford Explorer. Both vehicles struck the tunnel walls before a pickup hit the Camry. Calhon and his passenger, 19-year-old Bradley Meyring, of Edmonds, Washington, suffered non-life-threatening injuries, as did the two people in the Explorer: Thomas Hatch Jr., 67, and Candace Hatch, 61, from Astoria. All four were taken to hospitals. The two people in the pickup were not hurt. Calhon was cited for reckless driving, three counts of reckless endangerment and fourth-degree assault in Washington County Circuit Court. The tunnel, called the Dennis L. Edwards Tunnel, was completed in 1940 and carries the highway through the Northern Oregon Coast Range mountains. It’s 772 feet long, meaning that a car traveling at the posted speed limit of 55 mph would get through it in about 10 seconds. State Police Lt. Gregg Hastings said Monday he’s not sure why Calhon was holding his breath. “It is odd,” he said. It is doubtful that anybody believes him that he can cause himself to faint by holding his breath for 10 seconds, but there is apparently no proof, that he was texting or taking pictures. Tech Support Pits From: Nina Re: is 123 ecard legit? Dear Webby, I got this in my email. Is it legit? ---------- Subject: Unread e-card From: ecard@123greetings.com Easily go to http://goo.gl/Gf6IsH so you may accept the greeting e-card ----------- Nina Dear Nina NO! Delete that, and delete it out of the trash. If you click on that, you give control of your computer to some hacker. If there is an attachment with that email, DON'T click on it. Hunt it down by hovering over the attachment and seeing it's location on your machine. Search for it and delete it, and then delete it out of the trash, to make sure nobody clicks on it out of curiosity. Some dimwit recommended disconnecting your modem and then trying those attachments. He probably got a candy-bar from a hacker to write that totally idiotic recommendation. Those trojans don't require the machine to be online. They just take control of your machine, and lurk in the dark. Then some day, when the machine is online and not busy, for example, when a screen saver is running, THEN the hackers will use your machine to send spam or participate in attacking some site. After that, they start using your machine more and more, without your knowledge or permission. All you will notice is a general slowdown. Be VERY careful with that kind of stuff! There IS a legitimate 123 card site, but they don't send you to a weird address like that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Onion to BBQ Coals Save onion peels to toss onto hot coals when grilling. They will add extra flavor to your grilled foods. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse repellants, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from mice to elephants. "Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a bit skeptical. "Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant in the garage the whole time!"
>From Erika A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"

» Polydactyl Stars

Today in 
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized 
 Antioch, Turkey.
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain.
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for 
 New Netherlands (now known as New York).
1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army 
 to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775, the 
 Second Continental Congress had created the Continental Army for 
 purposes of common defense and this event is considered to be the 
 birth of the United States Army.
1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President 
 to live in what later became the capital of the United States.
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in 
 the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution.
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team 
 to wear uniforms.
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine.
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany.
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote.
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, 
 married Wallis Warfield Simpson.
1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art."
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp 
 in South Korea was put down by American troops.
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a 
 "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule.
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first 
 synthesis of a gene from chemical components.
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to began a 
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy 
 demonstrations in Tiananmen Square.
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international 
 peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes 
 would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn 
 from Kosovo.
2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year 
agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider 
for all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores.
2014  smiled.


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Taskbar moved! How to get it back? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, June 2.

Thank you James!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a S.C. woman for threatening to "shoot up" a Burger King because of a stale Cinnamon bun. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam.
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If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld (1932 - )
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A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son Morris, the surgeon. The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
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Thanks to Erik for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all cool- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!"
Click on the picture for the large version Mandarin Duck
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Ann McCullough, 33, Mount Pleasant, SC Woman Arrested For Threatening To Shoot Up A Burger King Over Stale Cinnabon Roll South Carolina police today announced the arrest of a woman who allegedly threatened to “shoot everyone” at a Burger King after she received a stale Cinnabon roll earlier this month. Andrea Ann McCullough, 33, was nabbed yesterday on a misdemeanor assault charge in connection with the May 13 incident at the eatery in Mount Pleasant, a Charleston suburb. According to police, McCullough quarreled with Burger King workers when she discovered that her Cinnabon roll was not fresh. The 7 PM dispute escalated, a patron told cops, when McCullough threatened, “I’m going to shoot down the place.” While saying this, McCullough "had her hand inside a black purse," the witness added. After employees said they were calling police, McCullough and two female companions fled the restaurant’s parking lot in a Dodge Charger. McCullough’s eventual apprehension was aided by Burger King workers who were able to record the getaway car’s license plate number. Seen in the above mug shot, McCullough was freed from custody yesterday after posting $10,000 bail. If convicted of the assault count, McCullough faces a maximum of three years in state prison. Burger King’s web site reports that the Cinnabon "Minibon" roll is “Available in 1pc, 2pc and 4 pc” and "baked fresh daily." The dessert is described as “Warm dough filled with Makara Cinnamon, topped with rich cream cheese frosting.” Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: The task bar moved! Dear Webby, When turning on my computer my task bar that was on the bottom is now on top, how can I get it back to normal. Thank you so much for your help. Rose Dear Rose Just grab an empty grey space in the task bar with the mouse, and drag it to the bottom. It won't follow like when dragging an icon, but act like it was stuck, until your cursor gets to the bottom, then it will snap to the bottom. Move all icons well out of the way, otherwise it will kick them to unexpected and hard to find places. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Deodorant Time to Dry Give your deodorant time to dry before you get dressed. I get out of bed, make a pot of tea, and shower. I put on the deodorant. Then I sit and drink the tea (in bed). A lovely treat in the morning! When the tea is finished, the deodorant is dry and I can put clothes on. The deodorant is more effective when it has had time to dry, and does not absorb into the clothes. By Julia in UK [6] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Jake I had moved to South Carolina from New York, and at that time a vehicle inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous; my car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn. Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the three-dollar fee. I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do?" I asked. He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you?"
>From Maryann A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

» American State Flowers:

Today in 
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists 
 to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". 
 It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against 
 the French Republic.
1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in 
 Bombay, India.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law 
 prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was 
 played in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio was patented in the U.S.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York 
 Journal as saying "the report of my death was an 
 exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that 
 he had died.
1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly 
 non-stop and double cross the English Channel.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship 
 by the U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby 
 to be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the 
 first swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic 
 instead of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at 
 Westminster Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there 
 were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons 
 plants.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon 
 and started sending photographs back to Earth of the 
 Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors 
 to the public.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the 
 destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of 
 South Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on 
 the first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger 
 with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was 
 shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to 
 settle charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act 
 abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education 
 program by requiring that all children be taught in English.
1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) 
 won a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed 
 Nelson Mandela as the nation's president.
2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies 
 to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting 
 combinations in the same city. The previous ownership 
 restrictions had not been altered since 1975.
2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed 
 remains of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests 
 to determine whether the bones were really those of the 
 explorer. The tests were aimed at determining if Colombus 
 was currently buried in Spain's Seville Cathedral or in 
 Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not 
 be sued under a trademark law for using information in the 
 public domain without giving credit to the originator.
 The case had originated with 20th Century Fox against 
 suing Dastar Corp. over their use of World War II footage. 
2014  smiled.


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Weird charaters in email 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 1.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Man who shot and killed his partner in crime during botched robbery Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year later the FCC made this a standard.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. --- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977) "Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military, are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged." --- President Abraham Lincoln Why not all three? Iraq has good gallows technology and plenty of gallows.
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the pastor steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the pastor smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run like hell!"
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The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased; what an honest man he was, what a loving husband and kind father he had been. The widow, meanwhile was ever so slightly shaking her head, as she intently listened to the preacher's words. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children: "Erica, honey, go on up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa in there."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Exzadrian Oneal Jefferson, 23, Dallas, Texas Man who shot and killed his partner in crime during botched robbery Maybe we don’t need firearms to protect ourselves from criminals. That is, as long as we get more thugs like Exzadrian Oneal Jefferson who shot and killed his friend as they attempted an armed robbery on Sunday. Jefferson and his partner in crime, known only as Brightmon, were living Obama’s dream at 4:00 am in Dallas, TX. Empowered by the president’s equality push, they decided to bypass Congress and speed up the redistribution of wealth process by liberating some funds from the “haves.” This being the wee hours of the morning there weren’t too many overly privileged individuals milling about so they settled on a trio of persons drinking alcohol in a parking lot. The two modern day Robin Hoods approached the group of drinkers. Brightmon pulled out his gun and pulled the trigger. At this point, this seems less like an attempted robbery and more like an attempted murder, but who am I to argue semantics? In any case, the gun failed to fire. At this point, the three drunks bum rushed the would-be robbers and started beating the hell out of them. In the melee, Jefferson gained control of the gun, which had been miraculously restored to functioning condition. He fired off a shot, hitting his homeboy Brightmon center mass right in the chest. Brightmon would later die at the hospital, no doubt thinking that they should have spent more time on the planning stage of their big heist. Jefferson fled the scene in a panic, but after several hours of introspection, decided that maybe crime is not what he was meant to do. He thought about his four burglary convictions, his theft conviction, his marijuana possession conviction and his trespassing conviction. Then he considered how his probation was revoked on a felony robbery case and his pending felony drug and theft charges. All by the age of 23! Realizing that he shot and killed his friend in one of the worst robbery attempts ever was enough to convince Jefferson that his chosen vocation was a mistake. Later on Sunday, he walked into a Dallas police station and turned himself in where he was charged with murder. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Weird characters in email A good morning Webby, A day without Webby's newsletter is not a good day. I enjoy the humor and also often in need of tech support. Two questions today on my Eudora. First, there are some emails that come to me and some of the punctuation marks don't show but may have other "stuff" instead. Example Sable Creek Golf Course, Inc.  This only happens once in a while, not sure what to do about it. Might there be a setting that needs changed? Second questions, once in a while I get this screen and the Eudora is "frozen" for a short while. Jim Dear Jim That "stuff" is called Microslop, and is due to somebody sending mail from within Microsoft WORD. They use cutesy punctuation marks like the wacky left and right leaning quote marks. They show when THEY print the stuff, but any other times it coems out as Microslop. There is nothing you can do about it, except pity the dumb sloppers, whose emails appear sloppy, no matter who they write to. They COULD change a setting in their WORD, but that would require reading the instructions. Question #2 is due to a fragmented hard drive and too long access times. Use Defraggler, a cousin of CrapCleaner. The first time it will take a long time to defrag the entire drive, so let it run while you are away. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Water Down Summer Drinks During the summer, I make my own ice cubs out of tea, lemonade, and leftover fruits and juices. I then use them in ice tea or fruit drinks instead of ice cubes made from water. As they melt, it makes your drink more flavorful instead of getting watery. My favorite is fruit bits and juices added to ice tea. Makes good peach tea, raspberry tea, cherry tea and more. By April [171] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An American tourist refused to be too greatly impressed with the masterpieces at the Louvre. "We've got plenty of priceless canvasses in the United States too," he declared. "I know," said the guide. "Rembrandt painted seven hundred pictures in his lifetime, and America has over ten thousand of them."
I was killing time waiting for a friend and browsing in a souvenir shop at the mall entrance, when the man next to me struck up a conversation. Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead. "Ah," he sighed that must he her checking out now."

» Piccadilly Circus

Today in 
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at 
 the Fairfax Court House, Virginia.
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric 
 voting machine.
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico.
1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England.
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were killed.
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had 
 produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year 
 association with Disney.
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time.
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight 
 from Chicago to New York.
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete 
 as the Allied evacuation ended.
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to 
 the Soviet Union.
1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded 
 message from the British that the D-Day invasion 
 was imminent.
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico.
1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket 
 made its debut.
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France.
1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois 
 were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year 
 later the FCC made this a standard.
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction 
 that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama.
1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as 
 Rhodesia.
1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights 
 activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned 
 until 1986.
1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American 
 embassy in Moscow.
1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first 
 all-news station.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for 
 the AIDS virus.
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear 
 Tire & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards blacks.
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft 
 to scoop Martian soil.
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing 
 made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter bankruptcy 
 protection.
2014  smiled.


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FireFox Bookmark Tips 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, May 31.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh man, who got lost after a burglary, andcalled 911 for help. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948),
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Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." Close enough for politics.
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It was a cool spring day. An old man walked out onto a still frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rorms rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf ro reep ra rrorms rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"
Click on the picture for the large version A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew James Joffe, 24, 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Floriduh A man with a warrant called 911 to report himself lost; stolen property found in his backpack 24-year-old Andrew James Joffe of 945 S. County Rd. Chuluota, Florida called the PCSO Emergency Communications Center through 9-1-1 at about 1:50 a.m. this morning to say that he was lost and being chased by wild hogs. He said that he did not know exactly where he was, but that he was walking somewhere along Deen Still Road. Deputies responded to the area and were able to locate Joffe, safe, on Deen Still Road near Sweet Hill Rd, several miles west of US 27. Deputies soon discovered that Joffe had an open warrant for driving with a suspended/revoked driver's license. He was taken into custody. As Joffe's backpack was being inventoried for safe keeping, the deputy found items ranging from electronic equipment, cell phones, ear rings and a GPS device. The GPS was turned on and a "home address" was programmed in the GPS. The home address was not Joffe's; it was a home on Cheshire Way, Davenport, several miles north on US 27, where it was determined that the resident was a victim of a burglary from her car­she was missing her GPS device. Upon questioning, Joffe admitted to deputies that he illegally entering the vehicle and took the GPS. The deputy added two charges, burglary-conveyance and petit theft, and transported him to the jail in Bartow. "We have had people with warrants call us to turn themselves in before, but it's unusual for someone with an active warrant, who just burglarized a car, to get lost and call us for help. In his defense, it does get pretty dark out on Deen Still Road in the middle of the night." --Grady Judd, Sheriff Tech Support Pits From: Enna Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks Dear Webby How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and send them to a clickable HTM file? Thanks Enna Dear Enna Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click on Bookmarks. With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere. That one is a waste of time. So, click on Menu, Bookmarks SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS That opens the Bookmarks Library Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that! In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted, Miscellaneous, whatever. IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders, just open "Bookmarks Menu". There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks. Ckick on VIEW, Sort and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added and the sort order (up or down) Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on Import / Export on the top. This time you select Export. You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks from your hubby's machine. In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy. Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again, and an easy to remember and type name. Once that is done, browse to that file, for example file:///c:/bookmarks.html and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned on, onto that. To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow strip below the address bar for your most used sites like Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc. That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Stripped Screw We all know how frustrating it can be if a screw is stripped and you need to remove it. Well all you have to do is lay a rubber band over stripped screw head, then just use your screwdriver as usual and the rubber band will fit down in the screw head making it possible for you to remove. Easy and fast way to remove a stripped screw! By dorothy wedenoja [162] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."
A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

» Tree Houses

Today in 
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome.
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation.
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt.
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal."
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed.
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion.
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging.
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the 
 first in the United States.
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded.
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London.
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in 
 order to begin production of the Model A.
1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born.
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary.
1961 South Africa became an independent republic.
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the 
 Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people.
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights.
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years 
 of construction.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence.
1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range 
 nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union.
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" 
 in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen 
 or heard much of what he had been criticizing.
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. 
 He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years 
 for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing.
2014  smiled.


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How to sort and export FireFox bookmarks 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 30.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh man, who held up a bank with a stick. Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when sex offenders move in.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948) Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself. --- Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992)
Vipre Security 2014 for the whole family! (Opens in a new tab, you don't lose this page)
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has." A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for his mother who had been very ill with the flu. The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road. So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?" The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever it is that Mom has."
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Click on the picture for the large version Pacu Jawi is traditional bull racing which is held annually in Batusangkar, Indonesia. Jockeys just hold on to the tails of their bulls and surf on the mud atop a wooden plank. The bulls are then auctioned off after the race.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Murray,33, Neptune Beach, Floriduh Stick-Up with a stick Andrew Murray, 33, is accused of attempting to rob a bank last Friday afternoon using a stick as his weapon. Police in Neptune Beach, Florida, say a masked man they later identified as Murray entered a SunTrust Bank around 2:45 p.m. brandishing an object wrapped in a plastic bag. Witnesses described the object as a stick. Murray allegedly shouted, "Nobody is going to get hurt if you give me $50,000 from the vault," New4Jax.com reports. After receiving an undisclosed amount of cash, Murray ran off. Police used a Taser on Murray, before taking him into custody. Murray had $124 cash on him, and a mask, gloves and pair of boots was found nearby, according to UPI.com. Murray has been charged with armed robbery and is currently at the Duval County Jail, in lieu of $52,506 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Enna Re: Sort and save FireFox Bookmarks Dear Webby How can I sort the FireFox bookmarks alphabetically and send them to a clickable HTM file? Thanks Enna Dear Enna Click on Menu (if you have cleaned up the top) or else click on Bookmarks. With the clean top, Bookmarks is now in Menu Don't click on the Bookmarks icon to the right somewhere. That one is a waste of time. So, click on Menu, Bookmarks SHOW ALL BOOKMARKS That opens the Bookmarks Library Yeah! quite neat and nobody ever told you about that! In the Library select the folder of bookmarks, that you want, for example Knitting, Recipes, Dating, Unsorted, Miscellaneous, whatever. IF you have not put the bookmarks into distinctive folders, just open "Bookmarks Menu". There you see all your 69,000 bookmarks. Ckick on VIEW, Sort and choose your sort order, like Name, or Added and the sort order (up or down) Once you got them sorted to your liking, click on Import / Export on the top. This time you select Export. You would use Import, if you want to Import the bookmarks from your hubby's machine. In the Export it asks you for a file name. That is easy. Remember to choose a good location, that you can find again, and an easy to remember and type name. Once that is done, browse to that file, for example file:///c:/bookmarks.html and drag the little icon from theleft of the address bar onto the desktop, or if you have the Bookmarks Toolbar turned on, onto that. To turn the Bookmarks Toolbar on for holding the most often used sites, click on Menu, View, Toolbars and put a checkmark onto Bookmarks. That gives you a narrow strip below the address bar for your most used sites like Weather, HumorLetter, Ophelia, Currencies, etc. That Bookmarks page is a dead snapshot. It does not update on it's own. You will have to repeat that exporting now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Glow In Dark Star Path to Bathroom I have a friend who has young children and she uses glow in the dark stars attached to the floor as a pathway to the bathroom. I thought this was such a neat idea. By coville123 [320] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know. My wife will probably want to go both days!"
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

» Amazing Wildlife

Today in 
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church.
1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, 
 at the age of 19.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany.
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in 
 Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold.
1783 The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. 
 by Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post"
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned 
 France to its 1792 borders.
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer.
1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore’s 
 Garden to Madison Square Garden.
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in 
 a stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger 
 of collapsing occurred.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City.
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill 
 climb was held.
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis Sweepstakes. The 
 500-mile auto race later became known as the Indianapolis 500. 
 Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour.
1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect 
 American interests.
1913 The First Balkan War ended.
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
 to the Department of the Interior.
1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance 
 to audiences at Chicago’s Century of Progress Exposition.
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II.
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
 in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA.
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil 
 war erupted.
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off 
 on a journey to Mars.
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member.
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a 
 state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings 
 by leftist rebels.
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
 erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson 
 were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year 
 marriage.
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of 
 raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. 
 The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that 
 communities be notified when sex offenders move in.
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing 
up to 5,000. 
2014  smiled.


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What is Mouse Resolution? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 29.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a man, who was lassoed, tackled and beat up after shooting at people at a rodeo Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. --- Eddie Izzard My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income. --- Errol Flynn (1909 - 1959)
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Thanks to BP for this one: My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat.
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Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: . . . "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . . "I always do."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Celestino Moras, 25, Cassville, Georgia Man lassoed, tackled and beat up after shooting at people at a rodeo An intoxicated Georgia man was lassoed and beat up after allegedly wounding three people at a Memorial Day Weekend rodeo. Police say that Celestino Moras, 25, opened fire just after 7 p.m. Sunday, at the annual rodeo in Cassville, Bartow County, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports. Moras allegedly shot off multiple rounds before finding himself a little tied up. The property owner said when Moras ran out of bullets, one of the rodeo cowboys lassoed him. Other guests beat him and tied him up until deputies could arrive. Doctors treated Moras for facial injuries before deputies took him to jail. He was charged with aggravated assault. All victims were treated at an area hospital and released. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Mouse Resolution Dear Webby That mouse revolution, ahem resolution, sounds intriguing, but somehow I can't understand what you meant to say. Please use smaller words. Thanks Ann Dear Ann With most mice the cursor always moves the same distance when you move the mouse a certain distance. With some, the cursor moves further, when you move the mouse fast. That is called "Dynamic Resolution", and can be a bit frustrating. Adjustable resolution, once only found on expensive gamers mice, lets you set a multiplier. A low number moves the cursor a low number of pixels for a certain distance of mouse movement. A high number moves the mouse a large number of pixels when you move the mouse the same distance. With most mice you have to stop and go into some Control Panel and menu to change the resolution. With the GigaByte M6900 Buttons #6 and #7 let you change that resolution without interrupting your work. For Facebook or general browsing you normally use a large resolution number like 3200, so that a tiny movement of your hand makes the cursor move a large distance. For detail painting, for example to fix the red eyes or the reflection of the flash on somebody's eyeballs in a family reunion picture, you want the cursor or paintbrush to move only a tiny distance with a large movement of the mouse. For that you would click it down to 400. When the eyes are done and you want to make the messy background nice and fuzzy, click it up to higher numbers for fast softening sweeps. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dish Soap on Outside Of Campfire Pans When camping and cooking over the campfire, rub liquid dish soap on the outside of the pans. During cleanup the soot from the fire will wipe right off and not ruin your pans. Source: Learned at Girl Scout camp 45 years ago! By Tracey from Santa Rosa Beach, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A guy walks into a gas station and buys a pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and starts smoking it. The cashier says, "Excuse me sir, but you can't smoke in here." The guy says, "Don't you think it's kinda dumb that I buy them here but can't smoke them here?" And the cashier replies, "Not at all...we also sell condoms here."
Why can't Italians skateboard? They get wop sided: When they talk, the flailing arms knock them off balance.

» Ghost Towns

Today in 
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, 
 ending the Byzantine Empire.
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after 
 the Puritan Commonwealth.
1721 South Carolina was formally incorporated as a royal colony.
1827 The first nautical school opened in Nantucket, MA, under 
 the name Admiral Sir Isaac Coffin’s Lancasterian School.
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to Abraham Lincoln.
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to New York City. 
 The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won the $10,000 prize.
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the Curtis 
 Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for dancing the 
 Turkey Trot while on the job.
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained 
 until 1924.
1922 Ecuador became independent.
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. 
 to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive 
 for another 13 years.
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North 
 Pole in single engine plane.
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first 
 men to reach the top of Mount Everest.
1973 Tom Bradley was elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles.
1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages of 
 edited Watergate transcripts.
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured in 
 a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium.
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor 
 William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran 
 were being diverted to the Contras.
1988 U.S. President Reagan began his first visit to the 
 Soviet Union in Moscow.
1988 NBC aired "To Heal A Nation," the story of Jan Scruggs' 
 effort to build the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared 
 martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians 
 in mid-May.
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were 
 convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The 
 crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies 
 in Africa that killed 224 people.
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey 
 Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2014  smiled.


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7 button mouse for work 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 28.

Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!
Also thank you for the hilarious birthday card!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Daughter dumped mom, 73, from wheelchair off curb head-first onto pavement Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble Space Telescope.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there. --- Mickey Friedman "All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." --- Galileo
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and Anni, his hostess, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Anni asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" Anni questioned. "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Anni thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
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Terri and Buzz, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Terri says, "Buzz, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Buzz says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Terri says, "Buzz, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Buzz says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Terri says, "Buzz, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Buzz says, "Terri, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't move your butt , we're going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.
Did you know that Elvis was an especially colorful character? He was a redneck who stole the blues from the blacks and sold it to the whites.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patricia Tavernier, 52, Tavares, Floriduh Daughter dumped mom, 73, from wheelchair off curb head-first onto pavement MAY 27--After celebrating her 52nd birthday with family members at a restaurant, an intoxicated Florida woman allegedly pushed her wheelchair-bound mother off the curb, causing the elderly woman to fall “head first into the cement,” police charge. As she pushed the wheelchair off the curb, Patricia Tavernier said, “For 52 years of shit,” according to Tavernier’s sister, who is quoted as a witness in an arrest affidavit. Tavernier, seen above, was arrested for aggravated battery on a person over 65, a felony. She was also charged with misdemeanor battery for striking her sister in the face with a camera. Upon arriving at the Ruby Street Grille, a Tavares Police Department officer spotted “an empty wheelchair and an elderly person later identified as Karen Judge lying in the street in front of the chair in the fetal position.” Judge, 73, had been staying with Tavernier while recuperating from a broken hip. A restaurant employee and Tavernier’s sister, Theresa Booth, told police that they saw Tavernier causer her mother to topple to the pavement. Judge, cops noted, told emergency service workers that Tavernier had “intentionally dumped her out of the chair.” Booth said that her sister “became drunk and upset” at the birthday dinner. As the family departed the restaurant, added Booth, she witnessed Tavernier “trip their mother onto the pavement, saying, ‘For 52 years of shit’ as she did it.” Tavernier was booked into the Lake County jail, from which she was released on $20,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Mouse Dear Webby did you ever find a decent replacement for your dead 5 button mouse? My Microsoft 6000 series mouse died too. Warranty must have expired. Ann Dear Ann Yes, I did! Took me some time to save up for it, but I finally do have a proper working mouse again! Egghead, now called NewEgg, has a GigaByte M6900 Gamer's mouse for about $30. It has 7 buttons, most of which are programmable. Don't worry, the left click button can not be accidentally changed, and you can't program yourself into a corner. Left and right tilt of the wheel are sideways scroll, the regular up/down s croll is very precise too. Copy and paste are both on the thumb side, and two buttons on top, just on your side of the wheel, adjust the sensitivity from 800 to 3200. For browsing you use a high number, so that a small motion of the mouse moves the pointer or scroll bar a long ways. For precise graphics work you click it down to a low number, so that you need a long mouse movemnet to paint a few dark pixels over somebody's red-eye. So far I am quite pleased with the high quality of that mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Volunteer In Exchange For Tickets Cut Through Plastic Bags I trimmed the edges of a plastic garbage bag and later noticed the scissors glided through the papers I was cutting more easily. Evidently, the petroleum in the making of the bag caused this. You can also cut a thin sheet of sandpaper with the scissors to sharpen them. By Betty G. from Williamston, SC Nowadays a lot of plastic bags are made from grain derived ethyl alcohol. There is no oil leaking out of the plastic. The aid to the scissors is most likely from the corn cob dust or sometimes corn starch, that is blown between the sheets of plastic to make them less clingy, slide better and are easier to handle during the manufacture of the bags. It is only a tiny amount, but enough to make a huge difference for machines, that make billions of bags. With that stuff filling the pores in the metal of your scissors, they will work better. There is absolutely no worry that any unhealthy petroleum oil might drip off the scissors. It is a dry farm derived dust. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A couple of Torontonians had just closed down their store on busy Yonge Street and were standing in the middle of their empty shop when one said to the other, "I'll bet you ten bucks that if we wait here a few minutes, some Newfie is going to come by, peer through the window, and come in and ask us what we're selling." Sure enough, just as he finished speaking, a Newfie stuck his face up to the window, looked around at the empty shelves and then walked over and asked, "How's she goin, b'y. I was just wonderin' what you fellas was sellin'??" One of the Torontians grinned at the other and replied, "We're selling idiots, friend", To this the Newfie responded, "Well, ya must be doin' some good business 'cause dere's only two o' ya left."
If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style. If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident. If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture. If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation. If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law. If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention. If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion. If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory. If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake. If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "@#$# SCREWUP!"
http://tinyurl.com/pqeqqaj"> src="http://webby.com/humor/Diannes.jpg" align=left>
» Ghost Towns

Today in 
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse.
585BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended.
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King 
 Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid.
1774 The First Continental Congress convened in Virginia.
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy.
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in 
 the U.S. Civil War.
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State.
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence.
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc.
1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, 
 Ontario, to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were 
 the first quintuplets to survive infancy.
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in 
 Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could 
 cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California.
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany.
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, 
 limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose 
 to a yield of 150 kilotons.
1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in 
 Southgate, KY. 165 people were killed.
1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University 
 Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later.
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed 
 a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet 
 air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988.
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at 
 least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5.
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in 
 the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud.
1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. 
 The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. 
 Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have 
 settled the score with India."
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our 
 solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble 
 Space Telescope.
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" 
 was put back on display after more than 20 years of 
 restoration work.
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the 
 creation of the NATO-Russia Council. 
2014  smiled.


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Is Silverlight necessary? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 27.

Thank you, Gordon!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky woman, who got busted for leaving kids in hot, unlocked car while she got a brazilian wax Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)
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>From Jean A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a drawer and had them made into prints. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband. When she showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!", he said with appreciation.. "That's my old Ford!".
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A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window. Saleslady: Sure, go ahead. It might attract some business.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Courtney Kippes, 22, Louisville, Kentucky Busted For Leaving Kids In Hot, Unlocked Car While She Got A Brazilian Wax A Kentucky woman was arrested yesterday after leaving her two young children in an unlocked car while she got a Brazilian wax at a Louisville salon, police report. Courtney Kippes, 22, was charged with endangering her two- and three-year-old sons, who were removed from a 2008 Ford by “several concerned business owners” who heard the children screaming. Kippes' Facebook page lists her occupation as “Model.” While the vehicle’s front windows had been left cracked open, the boys were “hot to the touch and very sweaty” according to a police report that notes Louisville’s temperature Wednesday was 84 degrees (with a heat index of 87 percent). When Kippes returned to the car from “getting a wax job,” she told police that she was “OK with leaving the kids” in the auto while she was in the Clique Waxing Boutique. The business owner told cops that she had asked Kippes “if she had kids and she said no.” Kippes paid $60 for the Brazilian wax. In addition to the child endangerment count, Kippes was also charged with a pair of drug charges after cops found a crushed up pill and a “snorting straw” in the car. Kippes is locked up in the Jefferson County jail, where bond has been set at $500 on the child endangerment rap. Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Silverlight Dear Webby good to see newsletter back online. better is you are back online. your diligent labors were missed. what exactly is ms silverlight? any advantage to try to disable\delete it? can it even be done? as always your efforts are recognized & appreciated. there is always something in it to remind me how silly we can be. thanx, steve j. Dear Steve Microsoft Silverlight is a free web-browser plug-in that enables interactive media experiences, business applications and immersive mobile apps. Silverlight works on all major OS's plus all major browsers, including Firefox, Google Chrome, Safari, and yes, even though it is from Microsoft, even on Internet Explorer. When the winter Olympics were in Vancouver, one of the stations, that had live video, required Silverlight, probably for their ads. I didn't care, I wanted to see that final hockey game live. So I installed it. It has been on my computer until FireFox29 was hogging too much memory. I uninstalled everything not absolutely essential, including Silverlight. It made no diference. I had to dump FireFox29. Back on FireFox27 everything works fine, even without Silverlight. I would say, leave it off unless something really important demands, that you install it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Volunteer In Exchange For Tickets Volunteer to serve as a docent for whatever type of performance you like such as a theater/museum. An 85 year old friend served as an usher for the local community theater. As such she got to see all the plays produced. She was on a limited income and this was the only way she could enjoy the theater. By Mary Anne W. from Cameron, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary." "You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."

» Japan's Castles

Today in 
1647 Achsah Young, a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed 
 for being a "witch." It was the first recorded American 
 execution of a "witch."
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for 
 being Baptists.
1813 Americans captured Fort George, Canada.
1896 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, when a 
 tornado struck.
1901 The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized.
1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco.
1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first 
 transatlantic flight.
1926 Bronze figures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer were 
 erected in Hannibal, MO.
1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the 
 stratosphere, by balloon.
1935 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President 
 Franklin Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act 
 was unconstitutional.
1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to 
 pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco 
 and Marin County.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an 
 "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions.
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British 
 naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed.
1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive 
 in Libya with his Afrika Korps.
1944 U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea.
1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government 
 of Turkey.
1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade 
 Center in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10.
1985 In Beijing, representatives of Britain and China exchanged 
 instruments of ratification on the pact returning Hong Kong 
 to the Chinese in 1997.
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds 
 from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century.
1994 Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned 
 to Russia. He had been in exile for two decades.
1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire 
 to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader 
 of the rebels.
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment 
 suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President 
 Clinton was in office.
1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for 
 not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City 
 federal building.
1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted 
 Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. 
 It was the first time that a sitting head of state had been 
 charged with such a crime.
2014  smiled.


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Gmail problems on mobiles 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, May 25.
Memorial Day is observed to commemorate the men and 
women who died while in the military service.



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to the French rail company, that bought trains for $20 Billion without checking the widths of the platforms Details at Boneheads From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation of what it has done to its sons" that had served in the Vietnam War.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. --- Socratex
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A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, "Yan Yohansenn". The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies "Yolanda Yohansenn". The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, "Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait."
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies."
Classic! You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. The candidate who was hired! (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation. WHAT DID HE SAY? He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
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Reported by Walter, the stone carver. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to New French trains are too fat for old platforms France’s national rail operator SNCF, which runs the prestigious TGV fast trains, that are a source of pride for the French, spent 15 billion euros ($20.5 billion) on regional trains, that are too wide for 1,300 stations, meaning platforms will have to be “shaved” to avoid getting stuck. Confirming the reports of the mistake, the French train company admitted that the wider trains, built to “meet the public’s expectations requires the modernisation of 1,300 platforms out of a total of 8,700 in the French railways.” Actually, the public didn't expect wider trains, just faster ones. The error seems to have happened because the national rail operator RFF gave the wrong dimensions to train company SNCF. They measured the width of a new railroad station, and ignored the fact that about 1300 older stations are narrower. Also, in some cases the rails are too close, and tains won't be able to pass. Tech Support Pits From: Debo Re: Gmail Warning Dear Webby What is the meaning of this warning, I use an Android and it's the first time I'm getting it. Debo Dear Debo That is the Gmail Malfunction, that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. Just make a Gmail filter to NEVER put mail from humor@webby.com into Spam, and to set it as IMPORTANT. Then the sniveling ninnies won't whine or censor. There is no point writing to them, since they don't read or answer mail to their support anyway. Just make a filter in Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Plant Cuttings Now For Holiday Gifts Take plant cuttings now from plants such as spider plant, Christmas cactus, geraniums, etc. to use for quick inexpensive gifts later in the season. Even Dallas/Boston ferns can be divided into smaller plants. That way your cuttings will be established before it's time to give them away. By Cheryl from Trinity, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'. The doctor said, "No, its your ducks at the entrance... Every time I enter the farm, they call me a quack!"
A Catholic boy was bragging to his Jewish friend. "My priest knows more than your rabbi." "Of course he does," said the Jewish boy. "You tell him everything."

» Japan's Castles

Today in 
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans.
1328 William of Ockham was forced by Pope John XXII to flee 
 from Avignon .
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because 
 of his religious beliefs and writings.
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of 
 Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a 
 second offense.
1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being 
 exiled for nine years.
1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between 
 Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them.
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French 
 at the Battle of Ackia.
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over 
 the crown and state assets.
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in 
 Milan Cathedral.
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska.
1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating 
 that Congress has no authority over state slavery laws.
1836 The U.S. House of Representatives adopted what has 
 been called the Gag Rule.
1865 Arrangements were made in New Orleans for the 
 surrender of Confederate forces west of the Mississippi.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted, 
 by one vote, of all charges in his impeachment trial.
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned.
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the 
 Middle East.
1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered.
1938 The House Committee on Un-American Activities began 
 its work of searching for subversives in the United States.
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, 
 began during World War II.
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb.
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a 
 military pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin 
 promised a "close collaboration after the war."
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, 
 Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 
 in deposits its first day.
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O.
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a 
 record time of just over three hours.
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful 
 eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing.
1972 The Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT I) was signed by 
 the U.S. and USSR. The short-term agreement put a freeze on the 
 testing and deployment of intercontinental and submarine-launched 
 ballistic missiles for a 5-year period.
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal injuries 
 in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 13 buses in 
 his car.
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the South Tower 
 of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 3 1/2 hours.
1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in 
 Atlantic City, NJ.
1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an offensive 
 against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra.
1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup in 
 five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against the 
 Boston Bruins.
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing all 
 223 people aboard.
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, 
 and announced that his administration would no longer link 
 China's trade status with its human rights record.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly 
 in New Jersey, not New York.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in 
 high-speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only 
 if their "actions shock the conscience."
1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. 
 The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately 
 $450 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise 
 ship ever built. 
2014  smiled.


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