Letter from Microsoft 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Baton Rouge daycare workers arrested because 
Toddler they left in hot vehicle died;
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river 
 he named Saint Lawrence. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat And Overcoat." Ira sure did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his food. His pal, Abraham, kept on eating, without thought of his own coat on the hook. Finally Abraham said, "Ira, you Schmuck...stop watching our overcoats." "I'm only watching mine," replied Ira. "Yours has been gone for over half an hour." ______________________________________________________ Bob was riding a Harley on the highway and is pulled up by a police officer, also on a bike. The officer says, "Pull over", and the driver pulls over to the side of the road. Bob says, "I'm sorry, officer, was I speeding?". The police officer says, "No, mate, but your wife fell off a couple of miles back". Bob replies, "Oh, that explains it. I thought I was going deaf." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shelia Newman, 47, April Wright, 26, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Toddler left in hot vehicle died; Baton Rouge daycare workers arrested Two Baton Rouge daycare workers were arrested on suspicion of negligent homicide Friday after a 22-month-old girl was left in a hot vehicle for about two hours and died, Baton Rouge Police said. The child was identified as Angel Green, of the 6500 block of Hanks Drive. The two women who were arrested were 47-year-old Shelia Newman, of the 6300 block of Prescott Road, and 26-year- old April Wright, of the 2500 block of Badley Road. Newman owns the unlicensed daycare at 6345 Prescott Road, and Wright is an employee, police said. According to affidavits of probable cause, Wright and Newman used a daycare van to take 16 children, including Angel, to get lunch at Jehovah Ministry in Baton Rouge. When they got back, the women thought they had all of the children out of the vehicle but never checked it, police said. Then, Newman went to pick up two more children, and took them out of the van, apparently missing Angel a second time. When the children woke up from their naps, Wright realized Angel was missing, and found her unresponsive in the vehicle. Police said Angel may have been in the car for about two hours, and while the coroner's office will determine the cause of death, it's likely she overheated. Staff at the hospital where Angel was taken told police her body temperature was 108 degrees. Newman also told Wright to lie to police about where Angel was found, police said. According to the affidavit, Newman told her to say Angel was found in the backyard, and to pour water on the back steps to make it look like she had cleaned up vomit. Newman was booked on suspicion of obstruction of justice as well as negligent homicide, police said. Newman had recently had her daycare license revoked for having too few attendants for the number of children at the daycare, according to the affidavit.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: Letter from Microsoft Dear Webby Just looked in my e-mail to find a message fro Microsoft, "Updates to our terms of use and privacy statement." I haven't opened it yet. Anymore you never REALLY know if it's legit or not. What's your opinion??? Hope you're enjoying your summer so far. Mon. June 1st I flew home from Washington D.C. and it was 96 at 1:30 p.m ! Sure was glad to get away from that. Only to arrive home in Ohio to a cloudy 55. It was just a 46 minute flight so it was quite a shock to the system. lol Thanks Penny Dear Penny I have not received a letter like that, or if I did, then MailWasher recognized it as a scam and murdered it in the dark, unseen by any human. As far as Microsoft is concerned, you have no rights and no recourse anyway. What is the point reading about it? There is nothing you can do if you disagree with the edict from the throne. Here it was nice and hot today. 22 degrees in the shade on the North side of the house, 32 degrees on the West side in the sun. OOOPS, forgot you aren't independent of the British Imperial Empire yet. Those numbers are in post-Napoleonic metric. In your quaint British Imperial units, that would be 72 degrees on the North side, 90 degrees on the West side. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed George by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." The Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and your Anniversary?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." ______________________________________________________ A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of weekend shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward." _________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Broom to Clean Popcorn Ceiling I dust my popcorn ceiling by using a broom. Yes, it does cause some particles to fall but not if you dust/broom it lightly. By herrington_mary [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie." _____________________________________________________ Bobby was stark naked in front of his open window, doing his morning aerobics. His wife entered the room and shouted, "Bobby, you fool, draw those curtains! I don't want the neighbors to think that I married you for your money!" ____________________________________________________
Interesting wildlife photos from around the world.

Today in 
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river 
 he named Saint Lawrence. 
1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It 
 was the first American book to be copyrighted. 
1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 
1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of 
 the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was 
 the first published "dime novel." 
1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 
1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft 
 design. 
1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies cartoon 
 "The Wise Little Hen." 
1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 
1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the 
 U.S. Congress. 
1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan 
 would fight to the last rather than accept unconditional 
 surrender. 
1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the 
 USS George Washington, was launched. 
1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
 Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black 
 men from the Mormon priesthood. 
1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base" 
 mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two 
 months. 
1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped 
 in Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 
1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger 
 disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up 
 as a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint, 
 mainly because they wanted to change booster suppliers. 
1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over Kosovo. 
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift and 
 estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased out 
 over 10 years. 
2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was performed. 
 It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 
2015  smiled.


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Wait for W10.1 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Ex-girlfriend's mom hired hit-man to 
have man killed and fed to alligators 
Details at Boneheads

Today in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All science is either physics or stamp collecting. --- Ernest Rutherford (1871 - 1937) "Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example." --- Duc de La Rochefoucald No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. --- Hal Chadwick "There are well-dressed foolish ideas just as there are well- dressed fools." --- Nicolas Chamfort ______________________________________________________ Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers." ______________________________________________________ Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some just as good, and she gave me two more pieces without me having to ask." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for send ing this thicture: Click through for the big picture From Mikels patio. Hillsboro Beach,FL -- Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Melisa Rae Schonfield, 57, Brownville, New York
Ex-girlfriend's mom hired hit-man to have him killed and fed to alligators A man whose ex-girlfriend's mom is accused of hiring a hit man to kill him and feed his body to alligators said he can't understand why he was targeted. "It's just f--ked up," Ernesto Negrillo, 36, of Florida, told The Huffington Post in an exclusive interview Monday. "I don't know why she would want to kill me. I haven't spoken to her in a long time." Melisa Rae Schonfield, a 57-year-old social worker from Brownville, New York, was arrested Friday and charged with second-degree conspiracy and second-degree criminal solicitation after police said she made a down payment to an undercover investigator she thought was a hired killer. Schonfield is the mother of Negrillo's ex-girlfriend, Alexis Schonfield, with whom Negrillo has a child. Negrillo said his relationship with Alexis Schonfield ended in November 2012, when their son was 4 months old. He said he remained in Florida and Alexis Schonfield went with their son to live with her parents in New York. Negrillo said he's had no recent issues with anyone in the family. "I wasn’t fighting" for custody, he said. "It was already settled." As for the murder plot, he said, "I have no idea why. I can't believe she went this far." Alexis Schonfield, 31, told HuffPost she was stunned by her mom's arrest. "The only thing I can say, because I am a mother, is she was trying to protect my son and she got tired of watching me cry," Schonfield said. "I've been an emotional basket case the past two years." She said she learned of her mother's arrest on Facebook. "I had no idea what was going on," Schonfield said. "I thought she was going to go visit her friends in Rochester over the weekend. When I found out, I was in shock." Schonfield said her "on and off again"relationship with Negrillo was volatile. "I think emotional and verbal domestic abuse is a big joke to people ... [but] it's just as bad as physical violence," she said. "It's just that the scars are not visible." Negrillo denied the relationship was abusive. "I think all they wanted was a grandson," Negrillo said of the Schonfields. "They got one from me and then they left." A tipster alerted authorities last week that Melisa Schonfield was looking for a hit man, according to the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department. "We got a tip from a concerned citizen," Detective Dave Pustizzi told HuffPost. Pustizzi said an undercover detective posing as a hit man met with Melisa Schonfield Friday morning. Court documents say the meeting occurred at a Walmart parking lot in Watertown. During the meeting, Schonfield agreed to pay the undercover detective $11,000 for the killing, according to police. She suggested the best way to dispose of the body would be to "throw it to the alligators," police said. She told the supposed contract killer that her husband, a Watertown dentist, was aware of what she was doing and "even made a smart remark about her getting caught," according to the court documents. Melisa Schonfield was taken into custody after giving the undercover officer a $5,500 down payment, police said. She was arraigned in Watertown City Court and was jailed for the weekend. She was freed from Jefferson County Jail Monday afternoon after someone posted $500,000 bond, according to Fox station WNYF. Authorities haven't revealed a motive. Contacted by HuffPost Monday, Robert Schonfield said in an email that he had "no comment" on the circumstances surrounding the arrest of his wife. Neither he nor Alexis Schonfield have been implicated in the alleged murder plot. Negrillo said he's grateful to police. "God really looked out for me," he said. "He really did." As for Melisa Schonfield, Negrillo said he feels sorry for her. "It didn't have to go this way -- she didn't have to do what she did," he said. "She ruined her reputation and now there's no grandma in the picture for my son. I feel bad."
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leann Re: W10 now? I just wondered what you think about Windows 10. I have 2 computers with Windows 7 and one with Windows 8.1. I'm not sure I want to change any of them. Your thoughts please. Thanks Webby, Leann Dear Leann WHY change? There is absolutely no reason to hurry with changing. Wait a year for 10.1, and let them fix the worst of the bugs. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the tomato at the teacher?" ______________________________________________________ A redneck boy came home from class and his redneck father asked, "What did you learn in algebra class today, son?" "Well, I learned Pi R Square," replied the boy. "Now, hold on there son," he quickly replied, "you may think I am stupid, but everybody knows that pie are round." _________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lazy Cake It was super late, when the kiddos and I had a sweet tooth. I was tired and feeling lazy, thus the name. I wanted something super easy and quick, but we were out of everything. I had a cake mix, chocolate chips and pumpkin. Not even any eggs! I have to say this turned out even better than if I had made it the usual way. You actually don't really taste the pumpkin, but it made the cake extremely moist without any oil. We poured some milk over the top and voila! Our lazy cake was awesome. Hope you try it. I think you'll like it.:) Approximate Time: A few minutes prep Yield: 13" by 9" pan Ingredients: 1 box (16.5 oz) devil's food cake mix 1 bag (12 oz) semi-sweet chocolate chips 1 can (15 oz) pumpkin puree 1 cup water Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Add your cake mix, pumpkin and water to a large bowl. Mix well. Fold in your chocolate chips. Spread into a greased 13" by 9" baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees F for about 30 minutes. Pour milk over a piece and enjoy! Source: Self By melissa [143] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two men were talking. "My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one. "I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes. _____________________________________________________ >From Clarence The other day I needed to call home from downtown, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side to politely wait until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two minutes later, he was still not talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife." ____________________________________________________
All I can say is......WOW!

Today in 
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 
0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 
1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream 
 was advertised for the first time. 
1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary 
 Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 
 1789 by Alexander Hamilton. 
1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 
1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the 
 suction vacuum cleaner. 
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect 
 U.S. citizens. 
1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned 
 in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the 
 Lusitania. 
1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants 
 in Washington, DC. 
1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin 
 fighting offensively. 
1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the 
 Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its 
 Arab neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel 
 later called the incident a tragic mistake due to the 
 mis-identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly 
 investigated the incident. 
1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu 
 of South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull 
 out by August. 
1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the 
 "Mormon will" was a forgery. The work was supposedly written 
 by Howard Hughes. 
1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings. 
 She said that she had helped to shred some documents. 
1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor 
 veterans of the Persian Gulf War. 
1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 
1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting 
 anti-pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 
1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending 
 America's three-year partnership with Russia. 
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known continuous hike 
 of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific Coast. They completed 
 the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on September 28.
2015  smiled.


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Why W10 now? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
3 Teenage MS-13 Gang Members Charged 
With 'Brutally' Raping 16-Year-Old 
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had 
 discovered between themselves. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us. --- W. H. Thompson History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower ______________________________________________________ A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived". ______________________________________________________ With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan Larios (left), Joel Escobar and Jose Cornejo Bryan Larios, 18, Joel Escobar, 17, Jose Cornejo, 17, Brentwood, NY
3 Teenage MS-13 Gang Members Charged With 'Brutally' Raping 16-Year-Old Girl In New York Three teenage reputed members of the MS-13 street gang were ordered held without bail Friday on charges they forced a 16-year-old into a wooded area of a Long Island golf course, where two of them took turns raping her while the third stood as a lookout. "This is one of the most brutal, heinous crimes that I have seen in a long, long time," Suffolk County District Attorney Thomas Spota said at a news conference following the suspects' arraignments. "This poor young woman is so lucky that, quite frankly, that she is alive. These are vicious young men, vicious young men and what they did to her was absolutely terrible." The suspects were identified as 17-year-old Jose Cornejo, 18-year-old Bryan Larios and 17-year-old Joel Escobar, all of Brentwood. All three are from El Salvador and are members of the MS-13 street gang, Spota said. Their attorneys entered not guilty pleas to a grand jury indictment charging them with rape, assault, sexual abuse, robbery and other crimes. An attorney for Larios denied his client was involved. Cornejo's attorney said he is just beginning to investigate the charges and Escobar's attorney had no comment. Prosecutors said the three were arrested on May 29, hours after the attack occurred. The three are accused of approaching the girl and a male friend at a Brentwood middle school at about 6 p.m. They allegedly robbed and beat the friend, who then fled the scene. The trio then allegedly told the girl they had a weapon and forced her to walk about a half-mile to a secluded area of the Brentwood Country Club golf course. It was there, prosecutors said, that Cornejo and Escobar raped the girl while Larios acted as a lookout. She was later found walking out of the woods nearly naked by golfers, who called police. Attorneys for the suspects said their clients were high school students, but Assistant District Attorney Lawrence Opisso disputed that, saying he did not believe any of the three attended school. Spota said police identified Cornejo as one of the suspects because the victim gave investigators a detailed description of a tattoo he has on his chin. The prosecutor described the tattoo as skull adorned with flames. Escobar and a fourth man — also a suspected MS-13 gang member — were charged with robbing and beating a man on April 28 at the same middle school. Escobar was also charged with threatening the victim with violence if he reported the incident to police. His attorney also pleaded not guilty on his behalf to those charges. So far they have not been granted bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leann Re: W10 now? I just wondered what you think about Windows 10. I have 2 computers with Windows 7 and one with Windows 8.1. I'm not sure I want to change any of them. Your thoughts please. Thanks Webby, Leann Dear Leann WHY change? There is absolutely no reason to hurry with changing. Wait a year for 10.1, and let them fix the worst of the bugs. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Father McCarr, is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister. "Definitely not," was the answer. "Are you absolutely certain?" "Yes, Angus McInnis, absolutely." "Ok. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?" ______________________________________________________ LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION "Places I'd Rather Not Live In..." Paradox, New York Crapo, Maryland Boogertown, North Carolina Spasticville, Kansas Hellhole, Idaho Purgatory, Maine What would Freud say about... Climax, Michigan Spread Eagle, Wisconsin Needmore, Arkansas (Clinton's Home Town?) Hardup, Utah Big Bogue Homo, Mississippi Intercourse, Pennsylvania Hornytown, North Carolina Conception Junction, Missouri It doesn't surprise me that there is a... Rudeville, New Jersey Boring, Oregon Hell, Michigan Hooker, California Virgin, Utah Dulls Corner, Maryland Bowlegs, Oklahoma Volcano, Hawaii Beersville, Pennsylvania Fleatown, Ohio Burnt Corn, Alabama Two Guns, Arizona Toad Suck, Arkansas _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oops Paint is the Best I buy the "Oops" paint at Lowes to use when I redo various pieces of furniture. I bought an old baby changing table for $5.00. I mixed a couple of the small paint containers and got a lovely light lilac. I painted the table, added a tension rod and a curtain then put it in my bathroom. I have made great colors from the paint and I have also painted chairs and outdoor furniture. By Cynthia [8] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ George had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse." _____________________________________________________ An acquaintance of mine who is a veterinarian told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to pick her up from kindergarten, she had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Oh, wow, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies with that?" ____________________________________________________
Vintage Movie Theatre Etiquette Posters

Today in 
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had 
 discovered between themselves. 
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage. 
1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 
1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned importation of slaves. 
1775 The United Colonies changed name to the United States. 
1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 
1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 
1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and 
 Tientsin in China. 
1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed discovery of Polonium. 
1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence 
 as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 
1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, 
 demanding their bonuses. 
1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived 
 in the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning 
 British monarch. 
1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 
 4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, 
 and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, 
 the destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 
 casualties. 
1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska 
 in the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the 
 Alutians one year later. 
1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony 
 sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 
1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia. 
1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home 
 videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold 
 for $995. 
1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The 
 mission featured the first spacewalk by an American. 
1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 
 10 miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 
1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only 
 nuclear reactor. 
1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District 
 of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) 
 salvor-in-possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the 
 RMS Titanic. 
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
 breakup of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft appealed.
2015  smiled.


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How to manage the icons on your task bar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Chicago drug dealer, who chewed off cop car 
seat belt to attend son's Birthday Party
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact. "Mary... Mary.... " "Is that you Fred?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "What is it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon, supper, then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again." "Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven." "Well no, I'm a rabbit in a pen Kansas." ______________________________________________________ A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Japanese MapleTree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lashon Stuckey, 33, Chicago, Illinois
Drug dealer chews off cop car seat belt trying to attend son's birthday party It must have been some party. A Chicago man arrested on drug charges allegedly chewed off the seat belt in a cop car because he didn't want to miss his son's birthday party, according to NBC Chicago. He didn't make it. Lashon Stuckey, 33, was arrested Monday afternoon after police say they saw him selling $30 worth of heroin on a street on the city's Near West side, DNAInfo.com reports. Police found several other bags of heroin in his possession. Stuckey was placed in a squad car and taken to a nearby station. During the brief drive, the suspect managed to chew through his seat belt, causing several hundred dollars worth of damage, according to DNAInfo.com. Officers said Stuckey told them he didn't want to miss his son's birthday party, according to Illinois Patch. As heartwarming as the excuse might sound, it didn't fly. Stuckey was charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance and one count of criminal damage to property. Stuckey remains stuck in jail in lieu of $75,000.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Taskbar management don't leave us hanging,how do you get into taskbar managment? daniel Hi Daniel You can right-click an empty spot in the task bar, and select Properties In there hit the CUSTOMIZE button. In that you can customize all task bar icons and their behavior. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ 74 year old Harold tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. A month later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," he responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," Harold sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe every time I had to go to the bathroom!" ______________________________________________________ Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, soon after he finishes college. Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, 35 children is enough. Q: The more pregnant I get the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are. _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deterring Pests Around Hummingbird Feeders I have had a lot of problems with yellow jackets, ants, and paper wasps around my hummingbird feeder. To solve this problem I took a strip of cotton and sprayed it with Raid Hornet and Wasp spray. You only want to dampen the cotton. Then I enclosed it in an onion bag, those mesh or net bags onions come in. I tied both ends shut. Then I tied it onto the hanger and twirled in around so it came down the one side short of the feeder holes. This has worked like a charm and the hummers do not have any problems feeding. *Be sure the cotton is damp and NOT drippy! By JunieB [3] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Billy," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Billy corrected. "It means the car won't start." _____________________________________________________ One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." "Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?" ____________________________________________________
Vintage Movie Theatre Etiquette Posters

Today in 
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek, 
 Ontario. 
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an 
 American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts. 
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter P. Chrysler. 
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went 
 into effect. It was a penny per gallon. 
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, 
 Germany. 
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign 
 ships in U.S. ports. 
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray 
 in Hartford, CT. 
1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of 
 Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches 
 of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and 
 Canadian troops were involved. 
1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los 
 Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was 
 shot the evening before while campaigning for the Democratic 
 presidential nomination. 
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO 
 guerrillas out of Beirut. 
1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was 
 located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known 
 as the "Angel of Death." 
1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. 
 The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal 
 authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana 
 on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical 
 marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban 
 on the drug.
2015  smiled.


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How to get rid of the W10 icon? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman, who beat beau over kiss, cuddle rejection
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory 
 near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and 
 idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause. --- George Lucas (1944 - ) Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. --- Socratex Yeah, I noticed that too. ______________________________________________________ A minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech on main street, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation." ______________________________________________________ A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!" Then silence. Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danielle Houle, 39, Vero Beach, Florida
Woman Beat Beau Over Kiss, Cuddle Rejection A Florida woman is facing a domestic violence charge for allegedly biting, scratching, and hitting her boyfriend, when he declined to kiss and cuddle with her, police report. Danielle Houle, 39, was arrested last week for the 2:30 AM attack inside the Vero Beach home of Jacob Burns, whom Houle has dated for about a year. According to police reports, Houle “wanted to be affectionate and attempted to kiss” her 42-year-old beau, who declined the buss bid. Burns’s sister told a sheriff’s deputy that Houle tried to get “cuddly” with Burns. In response to her amorous advances being rebuffed, Houle allegedly attacked Burns. A deputy reported observing dried blood on Burns’s shirt, scratches on his head and neck, and a “large bite mark on the back of his upper left arm which was red, yellow and bruised.” Houle subsequently told an investigator that she "had been drinking and could not recall what had occurred” on May 25. Pictured above, Houle was charged with misdemeanor domestic battery (she spent a day in jail before being released on $1000 bond). Houle is also facing a probation violation charge since she is currently serving a five-year probation term stemming from a felony conviction for a drunk driving accident causing serious injury. Houle spent five years in prison on that prior case. If she was so drunk, that she could not remember anything, it's no surprise that she got rejected.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Taskbar management don't leave us hanging,how do you get into taskbar managment? daniel Hi Daniel You can right-click an empty spot in the task bar, and select Properties In there hit the CUSTOMIZE button. In that you can customize all task bar icons and their behavior. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and --but why do you ask? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many "spigots" to put on her. ______________________________________________________ A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date. but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee, and I don't want to make another pot this close to closing time." _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Container Gardening Tomatoes Tips For Containers I have used container pots for many years for tomatoes and peppers, even lima beans and string beans. They are so easy and there are less bugs, less weeding and can be moved if you want more sun. I learned a couple of things about tomatoes which may help. First, there are plants called patio tomatoes, which are smaller sized plants (but give nice sized tomatoes) designed for container gardening. Also, I had noticed black spots on the bottoms of a few tomatoes. This is called blossom end rot, not to worry, just add lime to the soil and work it in and it clears it right up. I have planted cherry tomatos, plum and beefsteaks and have had excellent results. By LI Roe Merced, Roma, Heatwave, and Southern Star I plant varieties such as Merced, Roma, Heatwave, and Southern Star (bhn 444) in 18 gallon (2.5 cu ft) containers with holes drilled for drainage I fill it with Miracle Grow potting mix, 1 cup of Osmocote slow release 13-13-13, 1/4 cup of lime, fed every 12 days with a high phosphorous fertilizer. They do awesome, just watch the high winds as taller plants may blow over if not supported. By Atascosa, TX ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom." _____________________________________________________ As we drove along a Los Angeles thoroughfare lined with spectacular election advertising signs, six-year-old Billy exclaimed: "Look at all the bullboards!" ____________________________________________________
Let's take a trip to Australia.

Today in 
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle 
 of Fontaine-Francaise. 
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to 
 demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 
1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving 
 in any foreign armed forces. 
1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 
1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. 
 The charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 
1917 American men began registering for the World War I draft. 
1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile 
 message across the Atlantic Ocean. 
1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S. 
 off of the gold standard. 
1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when 
 Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 
1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line 
 in Bangkok, Thailand. 
1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech 
 at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 
1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the 
 Soviet Communist Party Congress. 
1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and 
 Jordan began. 
1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping, 
 eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war 
 with Israel. 
1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and Prevention 
 reported that five men in Los Angeles were suffering from 
 a rare pneumonia found in patients with weakened immune 
 systems. They were the first recognized cases of what came 
 to be known as AIDS. 
1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton 
 of selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced 
 to three life prison terms plus 10 years. 
1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory 
 near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and 
 idled workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 
1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor 
 Cars for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 
2001 Amazon.com announced that it would begin selling 
 personal computers later in the year. 
2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy 
 in Groton, CT.
2015  smiled.


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Windows 10 icon on task bar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon woman who bashes her online lover's head
with a metal bat on their first meeting.
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
 Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
 They used a coal fired BBQ for the heater.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane. --- Nikola Tesla (1857 - 1943) "Did you ever see the customers in health- food stores? They are pale skinny people who look half-dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific." --- Bill Cosby Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard ______________________________________________________ The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. "How many children do you have?" he asked. "Eighteen." The lady replied. "Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist--you just don't have time to get dressed!" ______________________________________________________ The minister had just finished an excellent chicken dinner at the home of a member of his congregation when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster you have there," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud -- one of his daughters has just entered the ministry!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Haley Fox, 24, Turner, Oregon
Oregon woman who bashes her online lover's head with a metal bat on their first meeting. An Alabama man who'd been dating an Oregon woman online for two years was left with a fractured skull after she beat him with a metal baseball bat in their first face-to-face meet, police said. Samuel Campbell, 26, traveled across the country to live with who he thought was the love-of-his-life Haley Fox at her Turner home on Wednesday, April 8, reports The Oregonian. But when he arrived, she allegedly led him to an outside table and told him to close his eyes. The 24-year-old then brutally smashed him over the head with the bat, it's alleged. Campbell, of Adger, Alabama, was rushed to Salem Hospital. Doctors discovered that his skull had been fractured and that several of his cuts required staples. Fox was arrested and charged with first-degree assault, reports AL.com. During questioning, she reportedly told detectives that she carried out the vicious attack because she didn't want to be Campbell's girlfriend. She posted bail and was released on condition that she did not contact Campbell, and is scheduled to be arraigned next week, reports the Sun-Herald. Campbell was treated and released from hospital. He is expected to make a full recovery.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Amy Re: Get Windows 10 icon on taskbar Dear Webby This is *not* a virus. It is a marketing ploy by Microsoft to get Windows 7 and 8 users to upgrade for free to Windows 10. If you want to ignore the stupid icon for now, just click on the little arrow at the left end of the taskbar. In the list that pops up, click on "hide icons and notifications." You can do this for any taskbar item you want to disappear. Amy Dear Amy You are right! It's an edict from the throne. Your owner has decided to put an ad, the "Get Windows 10" icon, onto your taskbar, to remind you about who owns your soul, or your windows anyway. So far that owner's icon has not appeared on my machine, and I don't have that arrow, that you mentioned, but I know how to get into taskbar management. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A college senior takes his his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept!" ______________________________________________________ The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now SquirrelBait," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "That's what I mean, you've got to lower it a little." _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Table Risers My roommate is in a battery powered scooter. While she tries to keep active, often her scooter has a mind of it's own. During a recent "Turkey and all the Fixins' Dinner", her power hand lever got caught under the lip of her work table. The scooter nearly dragged and spun the table and food to ruin. It took two of us lifting the table and turning off her chair to stop a disaster. So, I came up with this idea. I put a smaller can of mushrooms inside a can of veggies. You just have to have the correct sizes to fit inside, raising the table so she can still work on it and still clear whatever the obstacle is. I used veggie cans and little mushroom cans, but you can use vegetable juice cans and large fruit cans upside down inside for utility tables. Each are temporary or permanent, depending on your needs. The "temp" ones are great for picnics or food processing outside. Now, she can pull in without worrying about spilling a pan of hot food or a big salad on her. Win! Win! Source: Nope. Just mommy and the invention! Best are the round bottom veggie cans, that don't have a lip for the can opener. Glue a felt disk or piece from an old t-shirt onto the bottom for smooth sliding. When done, and the legs nicely centered in the cans, pour some plaster of Paris into the cans to fill them. That prevents anything fom falling or crawling into them, and you will never have to clean them out. It also stops them from clattering when you are moving the table. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son strolled around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but absolutely mezmerised by the two shiney, silver walls that moved apart, then slide back together again. The boy asked,"Pa, what's 'at?" The father, also never having seen an elevator responded,"Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in all my life. I just ain't got no idea what it could be." While the boy and his father watched in amazement, an older fat lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pushed a button. The walls opened up, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers light up sequentially. They watched until it reached the last number, and a few seconds later the numbers lit up one by one in reverse sequence until the number 1 lit up, the walls opened up again, and this voluptuous 24 year old blonde stepped out and strolled away. The father, not being able to take his eyes of the woman leaned over and quietly said to his son,"Boy, go get your Momma!!!!!! _____________________________________________________ >From Donna The trouble with hitting the jackpot on a slot machine is that it takes so long to put the money back into the slot. ____________________________________________________
The heating and cooling bills should be cheap but parking is a tad bit hard.

Today in 
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu 
 after a six month siege. 
1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him 
 as a hostage. 
1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
 Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet.
 They used a coal fired BBQ for the heater.
1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a 
 hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and 
 reached a height of 8,500 feet. 
1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for 
 Britain. 
1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 
1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. 
 after the US Marines soundly defeated them.
1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was 
 the first stately, double-decker steamboat. 
1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 
1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new 
 car in Detroit, MI. He called the vehicle a "Quadricycle." 
1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 
1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive 
 at Chateau-Thierry, France. 
1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 
1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William 
 Swan in Atlantic City, NJ. 
1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and 
 Edward Pollard. 
1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan 
 Goldman in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding 
 chair that had been mounted on wheels. 
1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 
 troops at Dunkirk, France. 
1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major 
 victory for America over Japan during World War II. The 
 battle ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in 
 the Pacific. 
1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured 
 by the U.S. Navy. 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, 
 which began the liberation of the Italian capital. 
1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley 
 Act.  The legislation allowed the President of the 
 United States to intervene in labor disputes. 
1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier 
 Buu Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete 
 independence" to Vietnam. 
1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery 
 shells fired from the coast of Communist China. 
1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". 
 Due to the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited 
 to the Texas Rangers. 
1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily 
 minute of silence in public schools. 
1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that 
 limited the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy 
 defendants. It was known as the "deep pockets law." 
1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen 
 Square to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is 
 believed that hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators
 were killed. 
2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill 
 that would ban "partial birth" abortions with 282-139 vote.
2003 Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 
 1 million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order 
 of the Phoenix." 
 The released date was planned for June 21. 
2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first 
 countries to be able to buy and rent films at the 
 iTunes Store.
2015  smiled.


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Phony Get Windows 10 icon on taskbar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Arizona woman, who told police ‘shit happens’ 
after car crash that killed child

Details at Boneheads

Today in
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was 
 completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves. --- J. B. Priestley (1894 - 1984) One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown ______________________________________________________ Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him. "Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid good money, and this room won't do at all! It's too small, and without a proper window! There's not even a bed! And it shakes!" The bellhop looks at her and says, "Ma'am, this isn't your room, it's the elevator." ______________________________________________________ My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aaronessa Keaton, 24, Glendale, Arizona
Arizona woman tells police ‘shit happens’ after car crash that killed child Aaronessa Keaton, 24, was arrested Monday for the crash that killed a child, police said. An Arizona woman being arrested for a car crash that killed a 5-year-old child had two words to say when informed that the boy had died: "shit happens." Those callous words were recorded by Glendale police officers while booking 24-year-old Aaronessa Keaton behind bars Monday for charges including manslaughter for last year's collision, KPHO reported. Court documents show that the Phoenix woman, who gave birth to a premature baby girl via C-section shortly after the Feb. 28, 2014 crash, was found with marijuana and sedatives in her system. Those drugs were also found in her newborn's system. What was a joyful ending for Keaton, however, was a nightmare for the other family that wasn't as lucky. Authorities say Keaton first side-swiped an oncoming sedan before plowing almost head-on into an oncoming pickup truck. Inside that vehicle, a 5-year-old boy was killed while a second child was injured. In January charges were filed against Aaronessa Keaton for manslaughter, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and five counts of endangerment. A warrant was issued in late February, leading to her arrest by Glendale police yesterday.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cleta Re: Phony Get Windows 10 icon on taskbar Dear Webby On my task bar there is a new one and it is called Get Windows 10. I have Windows 7 right now. Thanks Cleta Dear Cleta That is a virus or Trojan. Run Malwarebytes! You can get a free version at http://webby.com/malwarebytes Let me know if that doesn't take care of it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game. As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried wife met him. "Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why are you so late?" "Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst, hardest game of my life. Jack died out there on the golf course. Just had a heart attack and then died." "Oh, no!" she cried. "How awful for you! He was your best friend! No wonder you are late!" "Yes, the ordeal really wore me out," he said, "the whole rest of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack." ______________________________________________________ The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the programmer and the mathematician standing before it. After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine. The mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the programmer and said with awe, "Do you realize that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations..... to make a mistake this big!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Five Minute Chocolate Mug Cake When you need a quick delicious dessert for one or two. Mix these ingredients in a mug, microwave 3 minutes and it's done! Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: one or two per mug Ingredients: 1 coffee mug 4 Tbsp plain flour 4 Tbsp sugar 2 Tbsp baking cocoa 1 egg 3 Tbsp milk 3 Tbsp oil splash of vanilla 3 Tbsp chocolate chips (optional) Five Minute Chocolate Mug Cake Steps: Add dry ingredients (flour, sugar, cocoa) into cup and mix together. Add egg and mix. Add milk, oil and vanilla and mix. If adding chocolate chips, add them at this time. Place mug in microwave and cook for 3 minutes. The cake will rise over the mug but mine never spilled over. Just watch it and don't be alarmed when it rises high. Allow the mug to cool. I ran a knife around the inside of the cup and the cake came right out or you may eat it right from the mug. The chips will be soft, hot and wet, sort of like a molten cake mix. At this point you may sprinkle powdered sugar, add a dollop of ice cream or just eat it as is. It's moist enough. Now you can have chocolate cake any time of the day in only 5 minutes. You're welcome! : ) By Donna [244] If you can't take sugar, don't worry! I use finely slivered dates, from the hard blocks of dried pitted dates, not the expensive, soft, trail-mix type. It takes half a minute with a sharp knife to sliver a heaping TBSP, which does about the same amount of sweetening as 4 TBSP sugar, but doesn't spike your glucose levels. It adds an interesting hint of a wild flavor, and I usually skip the vanilla. I rarely skip a teaspoon of semi-sweet chips, though! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Little Johnny, burst into the house, crying his eyes out. His Mama asked him what the problem was. "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, when he was reeling it in, the line busted, ....and the fish got away." "Now come on, Johnny,"" his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama." _____________________________________________________ There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.When asked to define "great", he said: "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. ____________________________________________________
I didn't know anyone could bend like that!

Today in 
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized 
 Antioch, Turkey. 
1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 
1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for 
 New Netherlands (now known as New York). 
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was 
 completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 
1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team 
 to wear uniforms. 
1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 
1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 
1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 
1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, 
 married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 
1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called 
 "degenerate art." 
1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison 
 camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 
1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a 
 "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 
1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first 
 synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 
1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to began a 
 sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy 
 demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 
1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international 
 peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes 
 would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from 
 Kosovo. 
2015  smiled.


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How to get pictures from PDF to FaceBook 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Mother Arrested For Potato Sack Attack On Son
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. --- Larry Hardiman As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible ______________________________________________________ The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?" ______________________________________________________ A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rachel Salters, 46, Orange City, Florida
Mother Arrested For Potato Sack Attack On Son A mother whacked her 12-year-old son in the head with a sack of potatoes and then pelted the boy with the vegetable as he cowered behind a toilet in the family’s Florida home, police allege. According to investigators, the victim last night asked Rachel Salters, 46, to “make him some dinner,” a request that “started a verbal argument which led to Salters picking up a full bag of potatoes.” As Salters, seen above, allegedly began striking the child in the head with the potatoes, he “fled into the bathroom where he locked the door.” Salters, “in a sense of enragement,” then kicked the door until it broke open, according to a Volusia County Sheriff’s Office report. Once inside the bathroom, Salters, who is nicknamed “Rae Rae,” resumed hitting the child in the head with the sack of potatoes. “When the bag broke open, Salters picked up several potatoes off of the bathroom floor and began pitching them” at the boy, who was in the fetal position between the toilet and the shower. The child was not injured during the confrontation at the Orange City home. When a deputy questioned Salters about the bathroom door’s broken frame, she replied, “I don’t know.” She offered a similar response when asked about a potato that cops found on the bathroom floor. Following her arrest, Salters reportedly shouted, “I didn’t hit him with the potato, I only threw it at him!” After being placed in a patrol car, an “extremely hostile and aggressive” Salters claimed that it was not a crime to hit the boy, and reiterated that she “only threw potatoes at him.” Salters was charged with felony child abuse and tampering with evidence (for removing a potato from the home’s bathroom after being told by cops not to touch anything in the room). She is being held in lieu of $11,500 bond, according to jail records. The victim was temporarily placed in the custody of a state child welfare investigator who planned on releasing the boy to Salters’s husband (who himself was arrested last month for battery).
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Picture from PDF to Facebook Dear Webby Greetings from the lower 48. Thanks for you daily letter. I have a small problem. How do I download a PDF photo to Facebook. It is on Acrobat. I Have Open Office and MS Word. I can download the file to Pictures or Documents but cannot download to Facebook. I get the message " not in JPG or file is too large." There has to be a simple way to do this but I can't get the solution myself. Many thanks for your help, Hank Dear Hank I use Nitro reader instead of Acrobat, so that I can fill out PDF forms. With Nitro, you right-click a picture, select COPY, then ALT TAB to the previously opened graphics program, PSP in my case, but any of them will work, and in there hit CTRL V to paste the picture. Then I can crop and resize the picture, put a caption onto it, increase contrast, change brightness, etc., and then save it as a JPG. Most likely you can do the same with Acrobat. Once you have saved it as JPG or PNG, you can upload it to Facebook. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "If you have amnesia and experience deja-vue at the same time, does that mean you feel like you've forgotten this stuff before?" ______________________________________________________ Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dye Your Own Hair It takes my breath away thinking about how much money we can spend at beauty salons. I stopped going to get my hair dyed years ago. Now I simply buy my own at my local grocery store. I spend a fraction of the amount I used to. Not only that, I don't have to worry about not being able to get a convenient appointment time. :) Try it, you will not be disappointed. You will also have more money in your piggy bank! Source: Self By melissa [136] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. "I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking." "No problem," the patient said patiently. "I'm sure by tomorrow some doctor will sober up. I'm still a bit tired from that operation anyway." _____________________________________________________ Here is a real classic: A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your helpmate, your health, and your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else. The small Stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your helpmate out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." But then... A student then took the jar, which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to slowly pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer soaked into the sand and the remaining air spaces, within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of the Story: No matter how full your life is, no matter how important you think you or your job are or how much little crap you have to do, there is always room for a BEER. ____________________________________________________
What an engineering feat!

Today in 
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists 
 to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". 
 It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason 
 against the French Republic. 
1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in 
 Bombay, India. 
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law 
 prohibiting alcohol. 
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was 
 patented in Great Britain. 
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York 
 Journal as saying "the report of my death was an 
 exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that 
 he had died. 
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by 
 the U.S. Congress. 
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the 
 first swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic 
 instead of a monarchy. 
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England. 
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were 
 communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon 
 and started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's 
 surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the 
 destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of 
 South Vietnam. 
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the 
 first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to 
 settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act 
 abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program 
 by requiring that all children be taught in English. 
1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won 
 a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed 
 Nelson Mandela as the nation's president. 
2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains 
 of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine 
 whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests 
 were aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in 
 Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the 
 Dominican Republic. 
2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on 
 a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso 
 rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's 
 "Guernica" by Sophie Matisse.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Indiana Woman stabbed hostess
in bbq argument over last rib
Details at Boneheads

Today in

More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ______________________________________________________ A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ______________________________________________________ When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk. She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such. When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk. 'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.' ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Aescher Hotel, Appenzell, Switzerland Yes, you can sit on the deck to cool off. It's quite a hike to get up there.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Walter, the THE Stonecarver for reporting this Bonehead An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sabrina A. Davis, 45, MUNCIE, Indiana
Indiana Woman stabbed hostess in bbq argument over last rib A beef over barbecue ribs led to a one woman stabbing another woman in the eye with a fork. Sabrina A. Davis, 45, was arrested Sunday night after allegedly stabbing another woman, who complained that Davis had taken the last rib, the Muncie StarPress reports. Witnesses told police that the victim was the daughter of the woman throwing the party. The victim allegedly confronted Davis about taking so much food from the house. Davis allegedly responded by plunging a serving fork into the woman's eye, which caused at least two small lacerations on the left eye, according to the Indianapolis Star. The victim's eyes were “swollen and bloodshot.” The suspect told police she acted in self-defense because the hostess was waving a knife in her face, according to the Metro. Davis has been charged with criminal recklessness. She remains in the Delaware County jail on $5,000 bond. She has previously been convicted of theft and conversion, according to the Muncie StarPress.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: WORD stopped loading Dear Webby I am running Windows7 & lately my Word program has stopped loading. Can you help? Bill M Dear Bill Find the Setup file, and copy it to a safe place, preferably onto a CD. Then run the Setup again and overwrite the current installation. Sometimes that works. If it doesn't, UNinstall it from the Control panel, copy the secretly saved copy of the setup file back onto the C: drive, and run setup from there. If that doesn't help, then you have to download a fresh copy from Microsoft. Hopefully that won't be necessary. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A person with "lightly colored hair" had an older Porsche 911 with the engine in the rear. While driving down the road one day the car stalled and died. The person got out, went to the front of the car, lifted the hood and discovered the engine missing. Pretty soon a "similar person" who also happened to have a Porsche stopped to see if they could help. They asked, "What's the problem?" The first one replied, "I don't know. But somewhere along the road I lost my engine. It must have just fallen out." "Oh well," said the second, "You can borrow one from me, I have a spare in the back trunk." ______________________________________________________ A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chocolate Avocado Pudding Yes, you read it right, chocolate avocado pudding! Before you say strange, you just have to try this. It is honestly the best pudding I have ever had. I am a die hard chocolate lover and this passed my test. Best of all, it is super good for you! Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 4 servings Ingredients: 1 ripe avocado, peeled and pit removed 3/4 cup vanilla almond milk 4 Tbsp cocoa 10 pitted dates 1/2 tsp almond extract Steps: Add all of your ingredients to a food processor or heavy duty blender. Mix well. Prepare to say yum with no guilt involved. :) Source: Modified from a recipe in one of my cookbooks. By melissa [135] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me." _____________________________________________________ The Nurse was taking Joe's blood pressure. She caused him some concern by rechecking it twice, then saying, "Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal." He replied that he had taken his high blood pressure medicine less than an hour ago. She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP readings they're always on the high side." ____________________________________________________
Exquisite artworks carved from Jade

Today in 
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s new queen, was crowned.
1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed. 
1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at 
 the Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 
1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric 
 voting machine. 
1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico. 
1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people 
 were killed. 
1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had 
 produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year 
 association with Disney. 
1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 
1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from 
 Chicago to New York. 
1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the 
 Allied evacuation ended. 
1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the 
 Soviet Union. 
1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian 
 flight from Lisbon to London. 
1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message 
 from the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 
1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket 
 made its debut. 
1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 

1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois 
 were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A 
 year later the FCC made this a standard. 
1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction 
 that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 
1970 Rhodesia became Zimbabwe. 
1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights 
 activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned 
 until 1986. 
1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American 
 embassy in Moscow. 
1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first 
 all-news station. 
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the 
 AIDS virus. 
1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire 
 & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 
2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft 
 to scoop Martian soil. 
2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing 
 made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter 
 bankruptcy protection.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman arrested for biting off a
pit bull’s testicles
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) ______________________________________________________ Canada Day, July 1, and July 4th are approaching rapidly, and it's time to start getting your fireworks together. You got one month! Btw., did you know that in order to encourage interstate travelling in the US every second state forbids fireworks and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can always tell that you are getting close to a state border when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the freeway. In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. And she pushed the button to light it and heat it up. The lid apparently is still in orbit. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had spraypainted underneath: "That would do them good" ______________________________________________________ The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward. "Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week. "I don't know what you mean," replied the second. "It's simple," replied the first. "Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Nowadays I choose warmer camp sites.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Walter, the THE Stonecarver for reporting this Bonehead An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Audrey Ranch, 62, MADISON, West Virginia
Woman arrested for biting off a pit bull’s testicles Witnesses told police this week that they pleaded with Boone county resident, Audrey Ranch, 62, to stop hurting her son’s pit bull, but she refused. “Eventually she bit Pedro’s acorns clean off right there in the front yard,” a witness said. “Pedro hightailed it screeching like a wild Indian and when I tried to subdue Audrey, she knocked me out with an old tricycle.” Realizing the police had been called and knowing she had time to hide (it is a 45 minute drive to her house), Mrs. Ranch cut off a length of garden hose, dug a hole and had her son help bury her. She used the garden hose as a breathing apparatus. Officers from the Boone County Sheriff’s Office arrived, unburied Ranch and arrested her without incident. Ranch explained her actions to police: “My son ate all the meat and I had warned him if he ate all the meat, I’d eat his dog.” The dog underwent emergency surgery and is expected to make a recovery. Ranch is facing charges of aggravated animal cruelty. There might be additional charges for knocking out a bystander.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Windows update takes forever Dear Webby I triad that Windows DiskClean that you said should be safe enough. All seemed to be fine, but this morning, after MalwareBytes found an Artemis Trojan and wanted to reboot after deletiing it, Windows did an unauthorized update. The update took over half an hour and had me rather concerned. OK, I'll admit it, it had me quite scared. After a quarter hour I disconnected the external drive and disconnected the modem. Eventually it did finish, and gave me an extremely slow start-up. Is that normal, or some kind of malfunction? Richard Dear Richard You are not the only one, who got hit with that. It seems Microsoft was slowing W7 down to the speed of W8, or some other mysterious and unexplained schenanigans. There is no publicly available excuse for the unusually long update, but even though it is scary, Windows still works afterwards and no data seems to be missing. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes. Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks. ______________________________________________________ Dog looks at human and thinks: "My hero, my friend, my buddy." Cat looks at human and thinks: "My can-opener." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Sink Storage Ideas I have a tip for those of us that still like to do dishes by hand. I was tired of looking at the bottle of dish soap on my sink, so I decides to get a cute pickle dish with 3 sections at the dollar store and place my sink items I use every day in it. I also got a lemon squirt bottle for my dish soap. That way you don't waste as much and no big bottle at your sink. You can use ketchup/mustard any refillable smaller bottle. I know I could put it under my sink, but, with everyone using the sink, it's easier for us. I hope some one can use this idea! By diva53d from Foymount, Ontario I realized some time ago that my Dawn bottle seems to cover itself with a film of soap. Now I fill it into an old shampoo/conditioner bottle with a good pump action squirter. Depending on how hard I hit that pump, I can precision squirt the soap to any part of the sink. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice: "Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to start doing that." _____________________________________________________ Tammy and Ann were sitting in church during a rather lengthy sermon. Finally, Tammy turned to Ann and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!" Ann turned to her and said, "I know! I heard it snoring!" ____________________________________________________
Exquisite artworks carved from Jade

Today in 
1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 
1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 
1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 
1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 
1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after 
 the South Fork Dam collapsed. 
1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the 
 Boxer Rebellion. 
1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa 
 and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 
1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were 
 the first in the United States. 
1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored 
 People (NAACP) held its first conference. 
1910 The Union of South Africa was founded. 
1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 
1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in 
 order to begin production of the Model A. 
1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 
1943 "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for 
 the first time. 
1947 Communists seized control of Hungary. 
1955 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end 
 racial segregation "with all deliberate speed." 
1961 South Africa became an independent republic. 
1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a 
 Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the 
 Nazi Holocaust.
1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 
1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years 
 of construction. Still works quite well.
1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 

1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear 
 missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 
1995 Bob Dole singled out Time Warner for "the marketing of evil" 
 in movies and music. Dole later admitted that he had not seen or 
 heard much of what he had been criticizing. 
2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had been 
 on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several bombings 
 including the 1996 Olympic bombing.He got four consecutive 
 life sentences on a plea bargain to avoid trial and the death 
 sentence.
2015  smiled.


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How to start DiskClean 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Shoplifter, who stuffed an
AK-47 down his pants at pawn shop
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1431 Joan of Arc, 19, was burned at the stake in Rouen, France.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "I felt like a new man when I woke up!" ______________________________________________________ Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute." "Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Iguazu Falls, Argentina
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Yesterday's bonehead was reported by Sailor. Thanks Sailor! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marlon Paul Alvarez, 19, Fort Lauderdale Florida
Shoplifter stuffed AK-47 down pants at pawn shop Marlon Paul Alvarez, of Fort Lauderdale, made his first appearance in court Wednesday where Broward Judge John Hurley expressed concern about Alvarez's behavior. "You allegedly went into that pawn shop and removed an AK-47 rifle on display and stuck it down your pants," the judge read from the arrest report. "After a while, [you] pulled it out, put it back, then grabbed another assault rifle off another display [and] put that down your pants." The owner of Public Pawn and Gun at 6798 Stirling Rd. noticed Alvarez limping out of the store with the assault rifle down his pant leg about 11:30 a.m. Tuesday, police said. Owner Kevin Hughes confronted Alvarez outside and recovered the brand new $830 weapon before Alvarez ran off, the arrest report stated. Alvarez was seen on security video and the business owner was able to identify him when the suspect was arrested a short time later, police said. Alvarez said in court he had moved to Florida from New York about one year ago and the judge noted there was a New York injunction ordering Alvarez to stay away from guns. Assistant state attorney Eric Linder asked the judge to set a high bond. "It's one thing to try to steal a firearm, it's another thing trying to steal an AK47 and potentially trying to put a stolen firearm out on the street," Linder said. Hurley set bond at $25,000 for grand theft and the violation of a domestic violence injunction. He revoked bond for a May 15 arrest on theft and drug possession charges in Pembroke Pines, Florida Department of Law Enforcement records showed. "The court was just very concerned about your alleged behavior without even knowing your criminal background," Hurley said. According to the arrest report, Alvarez confessed to stealing the rifle. The report does not say whether it was the pawn shop owner or the police who gave him the facial decoration.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Anuk Re: Disk Clean Dear Webby There used to be a disk Clean in Windows. How do I find and use it? Anuk Dear Anuk Click on START, and into trhe RUN field type cleanmgr Then you get to choose the drive, that you want to clean up, and hit OK. It's not fast at all, and probably won't find much to clean, if you have run CrapCleaner on a regular basis. However, it should not hurt your system or speed. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat or explain everything they say. He replied, "What do you mean?" ______________________________________________________ A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've blessed all this stuff already." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Encyclopedias for Gag Gift Cards Since old encyclopedia sets are hard to sell and no one has the space for them anymore, individual volumes make great "birthday" or event cards. Give the volume that is the initial of the person and say something pithy on the inside. As a joke I gave the S volume to a friend we dubbed the snake oil salesman - tabbing the Snake article of course! By Lynette C. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing." - Tom Dreesen _____________________________________________________ Fortune cookie inserts: "Man who run in front of car get tired" "Man who run behind car get exhausted" "Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do" "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money." "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left." "Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!" "Man who sit on tack get point!" "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!" "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement" "If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient." The all-time favorite I ever got was this one, in the Shangri-La, a restaurant in Whitehorse in the 1970's. "Heed this advice" ____________________________________________________
Aging gracefully from infancy to old age. This is absolutely stunning and so beautifully done.

Today in 
1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 
1431 Joan of Arc, 19, was burned at the stake in Rouen, France.
1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany. 
1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida 
 with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 
1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned 
 France to its 1792 borders. 
1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 
1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City 
 in a stampede after a rumor spread, that the Brooklyn Bridge 
 was in danger of collapsing.
1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 
1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill 
 climb was held. 
1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the 
 time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes 
 Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 
1913 The First Balkan War ended. 
1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves 
 to the Department of the Interior. 
1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu 
 from the Japanese during World War II. 
1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the 
 Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 
1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row 
 in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 
1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil 
 war erupted. 
1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off 
 on a journey to Mars. 
1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first 
 country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 
1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state 
 of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by 
 leftist rebels. 
1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was 
 erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 
1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson were granted 
 an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 
1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of 
 raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. 
 The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that 
 communities be notified when sex offenders move in. 
1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing 
 up to 5,000. 
2015  smiled.


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Gmail filters the easy way 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Jean!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman accused of pouring bleach on her wife
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first 
 men to reach the top of Mount Everest.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. --- Sir Thomas Beecham (1879 - 1961) Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. A friend left me alone in a restaurant with her 16-month-old kid. I asked, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite vegetable and I will not be asked to babysit again. --------------- Another trick I found working well is to keep my hands in my pockets, when somebody thrusts (throws) a leaking or screeching baby at me. They are usually totally off-balance, when I don't take the baby, and I get to grab the mother to keep her from falling over. It's a lot funnier for me than for her. ______________________________________________________ There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Susan Leslie, 51, Des Moines, Iowa
Woman accused of pouring bleach on wife Police on Tuesday arrested a Des Moines woman on suspicion of pouring bleach over her wife earlier that day. Police were dispatched to the couple's home at about 3 p.m. T uesday to address a domestic dispute, according to the police report. The victim called police after the couple got into an argument over the victim cleaning a bedroom with Febreze, an air freshener. Police took Susan Leslie, 51, into custody that afternoon, according to the report. Leslie was upset because the Febreze was making her "very sick," police said. Leslie's wife locked herself in a bedroom to escape from Leslie and called 911 with her cellphone. The call kept dropping, according to the report, so the victim called a friend, who notified Des Moines police. Leslie is accused of using a pair of scissors to pry open the door to get to the victim. Leslie was holding a can of bleach, and police said she poured it on the victim's head and arms. The victim ran away. When police arrived, Leslie told police she was in pain because her wife had physically assaulted her. Leslie told police the victim hit her with the bleach bottle, but police saw no visible injury on Leslie. When police found the victim, she smelled of bleach and had bleached areas on her sweatshirt and pants. The victim filed for a no-contact order because, police said, she was scared of further physical fights with Leslie. Police arrested Leslie, 51, on charges of domestic assault with intent to cause injury or display of weapon. Leslie was taken to Polk County Jail. Bond was set at $2,000.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Gmail Filters Dear Webby My email addresses were 'attacked' and a message was sent out to the addresses. What a mess - Did you get an email from me also. . . . . Now my GMAIL messages go directly to Trash. The directions are to go to Tools, etc and make changes to the filter. I cannot locate this. Can you please help? Thanks Denise Dear Denise If a spam mail or malicious mail was sent to me, MailWasher murdered it, in the dark, unseen by any human. And sent it to hell! Filters in Gmail? Would be a lot easier if you were on Skype, so that I could step you through the process. 1) Open Gmail 2) In the search on top type a phrase, that is only in the spam or malicious email, let's say "Beneficiary". 3) At the right side of the search field, just before the blue field with the magnifying glass, is a tiny downward facing triangle. Pull that down. 4) That gives you "Show Search Options", and depending on your version, might open the Search Options, with "Beneficiary" already filled in. 5) At the bottom right corner in that Search Option screen there is a link to "Create filter with this search » ". Hit that. 6) In the next screen you have all kinds of options for doing things to mails with "Beneficiary" in it. Put a checkmark on "Delete it". 7) At the bottom, beside CREATE FILTER is another checkbox, "Also apply filter to 7.. matching conversations". Checkmark that. 8) Hit Create Filter You might want to highlight the blue part, and hit CTRL P to print , but choose "Print Selection". Then you can follow the 8 steps almost as easily as if you were flirting at me on Skype (text). After making that filter by using my much easier method, you can stick that printed sheet into the ziplock bag with the cheat sheets, that you got attached to the back of the monitor. To edit or delete old filters get out of any particular mail, so that you see the goofy little sprocket in the right upper area. Hit that, select Settings, and then Settings again. Eventually the Settings page appears. In the links at the top of the white part, the fifth from the left is FILTERS Hit that. That brings up all your filters, and you can edit or delete any of them. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost. ______________________________________________________ There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Photo of Appliance Model/Serial Numbers Take a picture of your appliance and model /serial numbers and use it as your profile picture for the customer service number in your contact list on your cell phone. Now when I need to call for service or troubleshooting all the information is right at my fingertips! Saved me so much time and so less frustrating. By Michele R. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Picture this: A Santa Clara County Department of Correction bus is heading for Civic Center after transporting inmates to Elmwood Correctional Facility. All of a sudden, the driver notices he's being followed. Odd, he thinks. It's even more odd when he drives the bus down the intake ramp into the main jail and two vehicles -- a pickup truck and a minivan -- continue to follow right behind. The gates slam shut, officers question the occupants of the two vehicles and the reason for the follow-the-leader routine finally becomes clear. There's been a bit of drinking going on, and the guys think the bus is a greyhound and figure it will lead them to its depot and the restrooms they so desperately need. They get a rest, all right. The pickup driver is arrested for drunken driving. The minivan driver is cited for driving with a suspended license. Their vehicles are impounded. And correction officers are bemused. ``We at DOC have heard of self- surrender, but this is ridiculous,'' says department spokesman Mark Cursi. ``We're now wondering if folks can take the next step: self-booking.'' _____________________________________________________ In the middle of World War II, a draftee goes in for his physical wearing a truss, and with a little convincing acting, gets his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt. Not long after, a friend gets his orders to report for a physical, and he borrows the other fellow's truss. At the end of the examination, the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers. "Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he asked. "No," the examining doctor says. "M.E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside-down can certainly ride a camel." ____________________________________________________
This guy created an incredible metal 'wood grain' ring.

Today in 
1453 Constantinople fell to Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II, 
 ending the Byzantine Empire. 
1660 Charles II was restored to the English throne after 
 the Puritan Commonwealth. 
1765 Patrick Henry denounced the Stamp Act before 
 Virginia's House of Burgesses. 
1849 A patent for lifting vessels was granted to 
 Abraham Lincoln. 
1910 An airplane raced a train from Albany, NY, to 
 New York City. The airplane pilot Glenn Curtiss won 
 the $10,000 prize. 
1912 Fifteen women were dismissed from their jobs at the 
 Curtis Publishing Company in Philadelphia, PA, for 
 dancing the Turkey Trot while on the job. 
1916 U.S. forces invaded Dominican Republic and remained 
 until 1924. 
1922 Ecuador became independent. 
1932 World War I veterans began arriving in Washington, DC. 
 to demand cash bonuses they were not scheduled to receive 
 for another 13 years. 
1951 C.F. Blair became the first man to fly over the North 
 Pole in single engine plane. 
1953 Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay became first 
 men to reach the top of Mount Everest. 
1974 U.S. President Nixon agreed to turn over 1,200 pages 
 of edited Watergate transcripts. 
1985 Thirty-nine people were killed and 400 were injured 
 in a riot at a European Cup soccer match in Brussels, Belgium. 
1986 Colonel Oliver North told National Security Advisor 
 William McFarlane that profits from weapons sold to Iran 
 were being diverted to the Contras. 
1990 Boris Yeltsin was elected president of the Russian 
republic by the Russian parliament. 
1999 Space shuttle Discovery completed the first docking with 
 the International Space Station. 
2000 Fiji's military took control of the nation and declared 
 martial law following a coup attempt by indigenous Fijians 
 in mid-May. 
2001 In New York, four followers of Osama bin Laden were 
 convicted of a global conspiracy to murder Americans. The 
 crimes included the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies 
 in Africa that killed 224 people. 
2001 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey 
 Martin could use a cart to ride in tournaments.
2015  smiled.


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Open Office for DELL Inspiron 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Indiana man, who choked fiancee for 
trash-talking NASCAR
Details at Boneheads

Today in
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The best of us must sometimes eat our words. --- J. K. Rowling ______________________________________________________ >From Donnie The thrifty hint in today's newsletter reminded me of another use for Hydrogen Peroxide and Dawn De-Skunking solution: Having to de-skunk our dogs is never a joyful occasion, but at least there is a good and affordable mixture. Wash the victim with Dawn (apply with a heavy hand), rinse, then apply the peroxide, rubbing the hide vigorously. Rinse thoroughly. You may have to repeat more than once, depending upon the marksmanship of the skunk. Much better and more affordable than many of the other common home remedies! That reminded me of the story of the bird hunters whose dog got sprayed early in a week-long out-of-state hunt. One of them had recently read a list of helpful home remedies and they decided to give one a try, since just washing the dog yielded poor results. According to them, the new idea worked great, but the checker at the local mega-mart surely gave the two hunters, dressed in brush pants and field jackets, a most peculiar stare as they checked out with five gallons of "feminine hygiene" product and a leash in their cart. ______________________________________________________ You know you're old, ... if you can remember when bacon, eggs and sunshine were good for you. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Wilson, 57, Franklin, Indiana
Indiana man chokes fiancee for trash-talking NASCAR An argument over NASCAR and IndyCar has led to domestic battery charges for a man in Franklin, Indiana. David Wilson, 57, was arrested Sunday after he allegedly choked his fiancée during an Indianapolis 500 viewing party, TheIndyChannel.com reports. The victim told officers she and the suspect had been drinking all day. Wilson told police he was making dinner in the kitchen when he heard his fiancée and another person "talking trash about NASCAR" in the living room. Wilson allegedly came into the room and “started rambling on about NASCAR being better than IndyCar,” according to the incident report. Then he choked her, according to the Indianapolis Star. When the victim tried to call 911, Wilson allegedly shouted, “Who are you calling?” and took the phone from her. He told the dispatcher, “Everything is fine here,” and hung up, according to the police report. Wilson was arrested and charged with domestic battery and strangulation, according to WAVE.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Office for DELL inspiron Dear Webby, Good Morning Webby, Once again I must come to you for advise. Just got a new Dell Inspiron 20 Desk Top that does not have "Word or Works" programs. Wanted to download the free version of "Open Office" but McAfee gave me a warning in Big Red letters that it was not safe to download this program. I was able to locate another free program "Libreoffice" but did not try to download as I wanted your advise on which program I should use. You have mentioned "Open Office" in the past and am wondering whether this warning is false. Thank you. Daily Voter, Bob Dear Bob Open Office and Office Libre are pretty well the same. Some European Governments are specifying that each product they buy has to have a second source, in case the seller of one gets caught bribing. Inofficially, they are miffed at the bribers from Microsoft, and are trying to rebel against the Microsoft monopoly. So the good people at Open Office split into two teams, Open Office and Libre Office, and they are actually quite honestly competing against each other! Competition just like in the old days when Word Perfect and Word Star and Word competed, and every time you opened a computer magazine, one of the three had come up with some new trick, which the other two of course copied right away. For the real Open Office, not for Trojan loaded copies at shady download sites, go directly to http://www.openoffice.org/download/index.html McAfee has no problem at all with that site. You can even download a pile of templates there for most of your correspondence. By the way, I just downloaded the update from 4.1.0 to 4.1.1, and McAfee had absolutely no problem with it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ As Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, "It's 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said. "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation. As they got off the airplane, they passed a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" "This is Havaii," the man replied. "Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?" As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!" "You're Ferry Velcome!" the Hawaiian called back. ______________________________________________________ After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket. An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other. "Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Can Tabs for Instant Room in Your Closet Instead of buying those multi-hanger type hangers, use the tabs from tab opening cans, such as soda, cat food, ravioli, etc., to hook one or more clothes hangers together to create more room in your closet! Just slip the tab onto the hanger hook and connect the hangers! By Donna [233] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At Sunday school, the teacher asked Johnny, "Johnny, could you tell me what are we supposed to do to deserve the salvation?" "Yeah, of course" Little Johnny replied. "We're supposed to sin a lot first so that we got something to be forgiven for!" _____________________________________________________ Linda had gotten a new job as a reporter at her local newspaper and she was brought in to meet the crusty old editor on her first day on the job. "Names, names," the old editor insisted to the new reporter. "No story is complete without the names of everyone involved." Linda assured him she would make him proud of her reporting abilities, and her first assignment was to write an article on a local disaster. She came back a few hours later and filed this report: Three farms in our area were affected by severe lightning storms that struck Thursday night. Mr. and Mrs. Horace Greene reported a fire in their barn. Michael Arlington said several trees were knocked down by the violence of the storm. And Fred Morse reported that three of his cows were struck by lightning. Their names were Bessie, Elsie and Bertha. ____________________________________________________
Amazing finds on Google Earth

Today in 
585 BC Thales Miletus predicted a solar eclipse. 
585BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended. 
1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of 
 King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid. 
1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy. 
1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in 
 the U.S. Civil War. 
1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State. 
1918 Azerbaijan declared independence. 
1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc. 
1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, Ontario, 
to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were the first 
 quintuplets to survive infancy. 
1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in 
 Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could 
 cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California. 
1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany. 
1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, 
 limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose 
 to a yield of 150 kilotons. 
1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in 
 Southgate, KY. 165 people were killed. 
1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University 
 Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later. 
1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed 
 a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet 
 air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988. 
1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at 
 least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in the 
 Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud. 
1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. 
 The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. 
 Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have 
 settled the score with India." 
1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our 
 solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble 
 Space Telescope. 
1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" 
 was put back on display after more than 20 years of 
 restoration work. 
2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the 
 creation of the NATO-Russia Council. 
2015  smiled.


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Microsoft defragger 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Woman Faces Bribery Charge 
For Lick Offer
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1647 Alse Young (Achsah Young or Alice Young), a resident 
 of Windsor, CT, was executed for being a "witch." It was 
 the first recorded American execution of a "witch." 
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for 
 being Baptists. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ >From Norm Beany's Drive Thru - Long Beach , California - 1952-53. Really cool. Fats singing, 20 cents for a burger, old cars and the girls skirts were all the way down to the knees, almost. ______________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements would be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so normal ones ?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Garden of the Gods located in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elaine Robinson, 52, Monroe Louisiana
Woman Faces Bribery Charge For Lick Offer A Louisiana woman is facing a public bribery charge after allegedly making an indecent proposal to the cop who arrested her for pummeling her live-in boyfriend, according to court records. Diane Thomas, 52, was busted earlier this month for punching her beau in the face “multiple times” and scratching him with her fingernails during a confrontation in the couple’s Monroe home. When Thomas was read her Miranda rights by a Monroe Police Department officer, she stated that her boyfriend was a “bitch,” adding that he “got in her face so she beat his ass,” according to a May 16 probable cause affidavit. After Thomas was handcuffed, she told Corporal Chris Ballard that she could not go to jail since she “has a good job.” At that point, Thomas allegedly made Ballard an offer he would refuse. "If you won't take me to jail I will get on my knees right now," she reportedly declared. "Officer I will even lick your butt hole." Already facing a misdemeanor domestic abuse charge, Thomas was then hit with a felony public bribery count for allegedly offering to lick Corporal Ballard. Pictured above, Thomas was subsequently freed on $5000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jax Re: Microsoft defrag Dear Webby, I run win 7 and my defrag is: 1) open start 2) open Programs 3) open accessories 4) open System tools 5) enter on the disk defrag icon 5 down from top Webby been a long time subscriber, please keep up the good work, YOU have helped a lot of people including me! Jaxs Dear Jax Yes, I know. The problem is that the built in defrag does not produce noticeable results for me. It seems to be a total waste of time. Defragler, on the other hand, produces quite noticeable results, and even lets you see which files are fragmented the worst. Those are usually Windows system files, that you don't want to mess with, but others are often obsolete files. Deleting those before a defrag speeds up the defrag. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ______________________________________________________ If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Stain Remover Mix 1 part hydrogen peroxide and 1 part original blue Dawn dishwashing liquid. Brush on stain. Wash as usual. Note: I let it sit half an hour. This works wonders on stains, even if you have put the item in the dryer. By Judy [18] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Sammy has stolen the rabbi's gold watch. He didn't feel too good about it, so he decided, after a sleepless night, to go to the rabbi. 'Rabbi, I stole a gold watch.' 'But Sammy! That's forbidden! You should return it immediately!' 'What shall I do?' 'Give it back to the owner.' 'Do you want it?' 'No, I said return it to its owner.' 'But he doesn't want it.' 'In that case, you can keep it. _____________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." ____________________________________________________
Incredible animation and music from Animusic.

Today in 
1647 Alse Young (Achsah Young or Alice Young), a resident 
 of Windsor, CT, was executed for being a "witch." It was 
 the first recorded American execution of a "witch." 
1668 Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for 
 being Baptists. 
1813 Americans captured Fort George, Canada. 
1901 The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized. 
1907 The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco. 
1919 A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first 
 transatlantic flight. 
1931 Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the 
 stratosphere, by balloon. 
1935 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President Franklin 
 Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act was 
 unconstitutional. 
1937 In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to 
 pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco 
 and Marin County. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an 
 "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions. 
1941 The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British naval 
 and air forces. 2,300 people were killed. 
1942 German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive in 
 Libya with his Afrika Korps. 
1944 U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea. 
1960 A military coup overthrew the democratic government of Turkey. 
1977 George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center 
 in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10. 
1982 Japan announced the elimination of tariffs on 96 
 industrial goods. 
1986 Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds from 
 the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century. 
1994 Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned 
 to Russia. He had been in exile for two decades. 
1996 Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease-fire to 
 the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader 
 of the rebels. 
1997 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment 
 suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President 
 Clinton was in office. 
1998 Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for not 
 warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City 
 federal building. 
1999 In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted 
 Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. 
 It was the first time that a sitting head of state had been 
 charged with such a crime. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows Defrag 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 25

Thank you, Richard!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida ex-con who assaulted her 70 year old father with 
Lysterine
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for 
 China, and announced that his administration would no longer 
 link China's trade status with its human rights record. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You cannot slander human nature; it is worse than words can paint it. --- Charles Haddon Spurgeon (1834 - 1892) ______________________________________________________ Most women have these two complaints: nothing to wear and not enough closet space! ______________________________________________________ An off-duty bylaw officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have messed up the settings way too much," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt! ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Shiprock, New Mexico, located on the Navajo Reservation.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elaine Robinson, 47, Pinellas County, Florida
Florida ex-con assaulted her 70 year old father with Lysterine A career criminal is locked up on a domestic battery rap for allegedly dousing her 70-year-old father with a bottle of Cool Mint Listerine during an argument at the Florida home they share. According to police, Elaine Robinson, 47, became “agitated” as she quarrelled Wednesday afternoon with her father Marvin. At one point, Robinson retrieved a “1 Liter bottle of Listerine Cool Mint and splashed” the mouthwash all over her father’s face. The incident, cops noted, was observed by an independent witness. The elder Robinson was not injured in the mouthwash attack. Robinson was arrested for misdemeanor domestic battery and booked into the Pinellas County jail, where she is locked up in lieu of $5000 bond. While a police report notes that Robinson, pictured above, does not have any prior battery convictions, her lengthy rap sheep includes a voluntary manslaughter conviction for which she served seven years in prison. Robinson, who has been in and out of state prison over the past 25 years, has also been convicted of grand theft, cocaine sales, possession of stolen property, and disorderly intoxication.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Defrag Dear Webby, May sound like an Idiot but can not find how to defrag my Computer Roland and Ruth Ann Dear Roland Windows does have a defragger built in, but I have not gotten any improvement with that one. The same company, that makes the Crap Cleaner, that you probably have, also makes Defraggler. http://www.piriform.com/defraggler Just use the QuickDefrag in it. It works well enough and won't take forever to finish. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Make love, not war. Or, if you want to do both, get married! ______________________________________________________ Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rid Your Bag of Popcorn Seeds After you're done popping your popcorn in the microwave, and before you open the bag, put it over the garbage can and shake the bag really hard. Make sure the opening of the bag is down. All your unpopped seeds will go into the garbage, no more seeds. By coville123 [326] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Morris bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I gonna find a fake Jeep?" _____________________________________________________ Johnny came home from school and told his dad: "Hey, Dad, I lerned that we decended from apes! Neat, huh ?" That didn't go over well at all, so Johnny was told in no uncertaint terms: "YOU might have apes for ancestors, but I sure don't!" ____________________________________________________
There is so much about history we have forgotten.

Today in 
0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans. 
1328 William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon by 
 Pope John XXII. 
1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because 
 of his religious beliefs and writings. 
1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of 
 Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for 
 a second offense. 
1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French 
 at the Battle of Ackia. 
1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over 
 the crown and state assets. 
1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in 
 Milan Cathedral. 
1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska. 
1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating that 
 Congress has no authority over state slavery laws. 
1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned. 
1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East. 
1913 Actors’ Equity Association was organized in New York City. 
1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered. 
1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, 
 began during World War II. 
1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb. 
1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military 
 pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin promised a 
 "close collaboration after the war." 
1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, 
 Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 in 
 deposits its first day. 
1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O. 
1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a 
 record time of just over three hours. 
1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a 
 successful eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned 
 moon landing. 
1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal 
 injuries in Britain when he crashed while attempting to 
 jump 13 buses in his car. 
1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the 
 South Tower of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 
 3 1/2 hours. 
1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened 
 in Atlantic City, NJ. 
1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an 
 offensive against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra. 
1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup 
 in five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against 
 the Boston Bruins. 
1991 A Lauda Air Boeing 767 crashed in Thailand, killing 
 all 223 people aboard. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for 
 China, and announced that his administration would no longer 
 link China's trade status with its human rights record. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly 
 in New Jersey, not New York. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in 
 high-speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only 
 if their "actions shock the conscience." 
1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. 
 The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately $450 
 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise ship 
 ever built to that date. 
2015  smiled.


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How to get rid of KNCTR, itybity 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 25

Thank you, Donald!
Thank you, James.

In the USA, today is Memorial Day.

Remember the soldiers!

DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Ohio man, who evaded police, 
until he went looking for missing hat
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs 
 appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called 
 for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation 
 of what it has done to its sons" that had served in 
 the Vietnam War. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s. ______________________________________________________ There was a Captain of a ship, and everyday at a certain time he would lock himself up in his cabin and look inside a mysterious black box. He did this every day, but he told nobody what was inside that box. Then one day he died and in his testament he wrote: "Now you can open the black box." So they opened the black box. And what they found was a piece of paper, on it was written "Starboard is right, port is left." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Galaxy ofer THAT-away==> Picture from Hubble Observatory
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Otha Montgomery, 18, EASTLAKE, Ohio
Ohio Man Evades Police, Until He Goes Looking For Missing Hat EASTLAKE, Ohio (AP) — An 18-year-old had successfully eluded officers in northeast Ohio, but a search for his missing hat led him back into the hands of police. Northeast Ohio Media Group reports officers in Eastlake tried to stop Otha Montgomery for running a red light Tuesday morning. Authorities say Montgomery sped up when an officer pursued him, then pulled into a driveway and ran away on foot. Police say Montgomery was stopped later and told officers he was walking to a friend's house. They didn't arrest him. Montgomery later returned to the scene where the pursuit ended to retrieve his lost hat. After giving officers there a detailed description of the missing hat, police found it in a flowerbed and arrested him. Court records don't list an attorney for Montgomery.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Claudia Re: Is KNCTR safe? Dear Webby, I had this weird screen telling me that Chrome insisted, that I update Windows Media Player. I hit OK, and immediately Malwarebytes flashed an alarm, but gave me the option to make a one time exception. Dumb ass mee, I clicked on one time exception. Nothing much happened, and after a while the Windows Media Player update bombed out. I thought that was the end of it. Next time I rebooted, there was this screen from KNCTR, claiming to be some phone deal with free calls in North America, etc. What's the story with that? Claudia Dear Claudia That KNCTR is bad news. It is a trojan, that wants you to click ACCEPT and give them permission to not only mine all of your data, but to share it with anybody they want. Since you are not involved with terrorism outside of your bedroom, and not interested in child porno, you got nothing to worry about. However, if you resent that they can sell your incredible collection of love letters, then it's time to get hopping mad. First open the TaskManager with CTRL SHIFT ESCAPE Look for anything with KNCTR in it, or with itibity End those. Then run MalwareBytes and let it search the entire machine, including remote drives and connected cards in card readers and cameras. It will get rid of the crap. It would not hurt to let Windows search for itybity and dump any files with that in the name, just to make sure nothing calls it in again some day. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face. "Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he said, "I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!" "Oy Vey!" said Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved $20.00!" ______________________________________________________ Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake. One said to the other, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rid Your Bag of Popcorn Seeds After you're done popping your popcorn in the microwave, and before you open the bag, put it over the garbage can and shake the bag really hard. Make sure the opening of the bag is down. All your unpopped seeds will go into the garbage, no more seeds. By coville123 [326] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ If a man is standing in the middle of the forest, and only whispering, and there is no woman around to interrupt him, is he still wrong? _____________________________________________________ Linda invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six- year-old daughter and said,"Would you like to say the blessing?" "I don't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," her mother told her. The daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these ungrateful nuts to dinner?" ____________________________________________________
The Anthem Veterans Memorial, located in ACC Community Park in Anthem, AZ is a monument dedicated to honor the service and sacrifice of our country’s armed forces. God Bless all Veterans past, present and future.

Today in 
585 BC The first recorded prediction of a solar eclipse 
 was made in Greece. 
1085 Alfonso VI took Toledo, Spain from the Moslems. 
1810 Argentina declared independence from Napoleonic Spain. 
1844 The gasoline engine was patented by Stuart Perry. 
1911 President of Mexico, Porfolio Diaz, resigned his office. 
1925 John Scopes was indicted for teaching the Darwinian 
 theory in school. 
1927 Ford Motor Company announced that the Model A would 
 replace the Model T. 
1946 Jordan gained independence from Britain. 
1953 In Nevada, the first atomic cannon was fired. 
1961 America was asked by U.S. President Kennedy to work 
 toward putting a man on the moon before the end of the 
 decade. 
1968 The Gateway Arch, part of the Jefferson National 
 Expansion Memorial in St. Louis, MO, was dedicated. 
1970 Boeing Computer Services was founded. 
1977 "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" opened and 
 became the largest grossing film to date. 
1977 An opinion piece by Vietnam verteran Jan Scruggs 
 appeared in "The Washington Post." The article called 
 for a national memorial to "remind an ungrateful nation 
 of what it has done to its sons" that had served in 
 the Vietnam War. 
1979 An American Airlines DC-10 crashed during takeoff at 
 Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. 275 people killed. 
1981 Daredevil Daniel Goodwin scaled Chicago's Sears Tower, 
 while wearing a "Spiderman" costume, in 7 1/2 hours. 
1983 "The Return of the Jedi" opened nationwide. It set a 
 new record in opening day box office sales. The gross was 
 $6,219,629. 
1985 Bangladesh was hit with a hurricane and tidal wave that 
 killed more than 11,000 people. 
1986 Approximately 7 million Americans participated in 
 "Hands Across America." 
1989 The Calgary Flames won their first NHL Stanley Cup by 
 defeating the Montreal Canadiens. 
1996 In Nimes, France, Christina Sanchez became the first 
 woman to achieve the rank of matadore in Europe. 
1997 In Sierra Leone a military coup overthrew the popularly 
 elected President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah. He was replaced with 
 Major Johnny Paul Koromah. 
1997 U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond became the longest-serving 
 senator in U.S. history (41 years and 10 months). 
1997 Poland adopted a constitution that removed all traces 
 of communism. 
2000 The Walt Disney Co. and Time Warner Inc. signed a 
 long-term deal that ended a dispute over the airing policies 
 of Time Warner. Time Warner had blacked out Disney programs 
 for a 39 hour period the previous month due to the lack of 
 an agreement. 
2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32, of Golder, CO, became the first 
 blind climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 
2001 Sherman Bull, 64, of New Canaan, CT, became the oldest 
 climber to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 
2006 In Houston, former Enron Corp. chiefs Kenneth Lay and 
 Jeffrey Skillinng were convicted of conspiracy and fraud 
 for the downfall of Enron. 
2008 NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander landed in the arctic 
 plains of Mars. 
2009 North Korea announced that it had conducted a second 
 successful nuclear test in the province of North Hamgyong. 
 The United Nations Security Council condemned the 
 reported test.
2015  smiled.


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How to get rid of Binkiland: 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 24

In the USA, tomorrow is Memorial Day.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Neb. woman attacked snoring 
boyfriend with crowbar
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first 
 telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, 
 to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Sanity is a madness put to good use. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) "No man's life, liberty or fortune is safe... while our legislature is in session." --- Ben Franklin ______________________________________________________ Neither of Sue's kids ever understood her logic. Somehow they failed to see why they had to go to bed when she was tired. ______________________________________________________ A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to." Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,"I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it." A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?" Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Elizabeth Hogrefe, 45, Lincoln, Nebraska
Neb. woman attacked snoring boyfriend with crowbar A man in Lincoln, Nebraska, woke up to a real life nightmare Monday morning: His girlfriend was hitting him in the back with a crowbar. Elizabeth Hogrefe, 45, allegedly attacked her 58-year-old boyfriend because she couldn't take his snoring, police said, according to the Lincoln Journal-Star. The victim managed to get out of the motel room where he had been staying with Hogrefe and get to a nearby convenience store, where he reported his injuries to officers who were also there, CrimeFeed.com reports. The officers said the man's injuries were "consistent with being hit with a pry bar," the Associated Press reports. When officers showed up at their motel room, she allegedly screamed and yelled at them before slamming the door on them. Officers took her into custody. On the way to the Lancaster County Jail, she allegedly screamed that somebody should kill her boyfriend because he is "always getting under people's skin," WOWT.com reports. Hogrefe was charged with second-degree domestic assault and use of a weapon to commit a felony, according to KETV.com.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Diane Re: How to get rid of Binkiland? Dear Webby, I downloaded Malwarebytes a couple of months ago because I got something in my computer and could not get out of it. Malware took it out immediately and keeps catching it. These bugs are persistent little devils. I remember you telling another subscriber to let you know what Malware is catching. This is the bug I got and they still try to get in.  PUP.Opitional.Binkiland.A It may not be a virus but it is disruptive. Thanks for all your advise, Diane Dear Diane Binkiland is a browser hijacker and data miner. When you downloaded some nefarious program and clicked on the AGREE button below the small print, you agreed to let the NSA and others use Binkiland to collect your data and report it to them. Because you AGREED, the NSA and others think they have a right to mine your data and mess with your browser. Theoretically they could even sue you if you remove their crap. Malwarebytes does remove it OK. They are not worried about lawsuits, because they can make one hell of a stink in that case. You have to also go after the extensions and add-ons in EVERY browser you got. Even the ones you just tried once and never since. If you aren't using Safari or Opera anymore, uninstall them. Go through their options and get rid of anything and everything, that you are not actively using, and look for anything that has binki or WSE in it. After that, run Malwarebytes again. That should get rid of the pest permanently, unless you have some other garbage, that keeps calling it in again every time you use that. Pay attention to when Binki reappears. Which program or game did you use just prior to that. You'll have to get rid of that. Possibly you can get it again from a cleaner source, and really pay attention to what you agree to when you get it. You could also use http://www.shouldiremoveit.com/ and let it scour your computer for any and all wacky programs. Especially if you kept transferring everything from one computer to the next whenever you updated the machine, you will have all kinds of stuff on it, that you don't even remember. Shouldiremoveit will list every program, and sort them according to their danger or nuisance rating. You can click on the names and it will tell you what that program does. Then you can choose to keep it or uninstall it. You will be surprised about all the stuff it finds, some of which you have long forgotten. Naturally, weeding out unused stuff will give you more room and speed. That will help keeping Binki from coming back. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was rough housing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Johnny, I know you love Wilbur, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" Little Johnny thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Agnes was here to squeeze the cake out of me!" ______________________________________________________ I find it strange that all those psychics claim they know my future and the winning lottery numbers, yet they fail miserably in predicting that my Mailwasher dumps their mail without anybody reading it. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Cough Drops f you can't pronounce the ingredients, chances are you probably don't want to be putting it into your body. I read some of the ingredients in the cough drops I usually buy and was not too happy. I usually go through quite a bit of these, especially during allergy season to sooth my irritated throat. Well these work great, taste wonderful, and are completely natural, even good for you! One of the ingredients is coconut oil, which improves immunity by fighting viruses. Bonus! Try these, I think you will be pleasantly surprised. They taste so good I even use them as a quick treat sometimes. Nice little pick me up. :) Approximate Time: About 1 hour Yield: Around 40 Ingredients: 1 cup of honey, organic would be ideal 2 Tbsp coconut oil, this must be organic in order to retain it's health benefits. small pot candy thermometer whisk parchment paper empty jar, mayo jar works great. Bring your honey and coconut oil to a boil in your pot. Homemade Cough Drops Reduce to a simmer and cook until your thermometer reads *300 F. This will take around 15 minutes or more. Be sure to whisk the entire time. Remember when you clip your thermometer to your pot that if your end is on the bottom of the pot, it will give you a false reading. Y ou want the end in the mixture, but not touching the bottom. Pour your mixture on a greased cookie sheet. Homemade Cough Drops You will of course want to let it cool for a few minutes so you can handle it. Stirring it around with a spatula will speed the cooling time up. Important to remember, you only have a few minutes before this mixture sets up. It is important to work fast! Tearing off small pieces of the mixture, shape it into the desired size. A little football maybe? Or press it a little flat in the center? The key is to let them rest on parchment paper when cooling. I tried greased wax paper, everything! The "only" thing these will not adhere to like cement is parchment paper. It is available at your grocery store. When cool, wrap them like candy in a small square of this paper to store them in your air-tight jar. This part was actually really fun, they look so cute and old-fashioned wrapped up.:) Source: Pinterest By melissa [127] I usually squeeze a lemon into the mixture, partly because it cuts the sweetness, and partly because you need extra Vitamin C when you have a cough. Sometimes I add cinnamon. If you have made any thick fruit or berry syrup, you can add a bit of that. A TBSP of thick raspberry syrup is enough to give the cough drops a very nice raspberry flavor. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ If olive oil is squeezed out of olives, where does baby oil come from? _____________________________________________________ A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell -- the nut has gone to heaven." ____________________________________________________
These Animals Are Extremely Colorful, And Extremely Weird, Mutants. Check Them Out.

Today in 
1624 After years of unprofitable operation Virginia’s charter 
 was revoked and it became a royal colony. 
1689 The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, 
 protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically 
 excluded from exemption. 
1738 The Methodist Church was established. 
1764 Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation 
 without representation" and called for the colonies to 
 unite in demonstrating their opposition to Britain’s 
 new tax measures. 
1798 Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent, 
 Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. 
1830 The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. 
 began service. 
1844 Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first 
 telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, 
 to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 
1863 Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked 
 a U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 
1878 The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 
1881 About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess 
 Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 
1883 After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was 
 opened to traffic. 
1930 Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England 
 to Australia. 
1931 B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train 
 to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between 
 New York City and Washington, DC. 
1941 The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck 
 in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 
1954 The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was 
 opened in Jersey City, NJ. 
1967 California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M. 
 Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the 
 legislature-proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 
1976 Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service 
 to Washington. 
1980 The International Court of Justice issued a final decision 
 calling for the release of the hostages taken at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government 
 had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially 
 discriminate. 
1986 Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL) 
 Stanley Cup championship. 
1990 The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey 
 League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 
1993 Roman Catholic Cardinal Juan Jesus Posada Ocampo and six 
 other people were killed at the Guadalajara, Mexico, airport 
 in a shootout that involved drug gangs. 
1993 The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an 
 independent nation. 
1994 The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World 
 Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 
1999 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion 
 in Ukraine. 
2000 Five people were killed and two others wounded when two 
 gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, 
 New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement 
 and then shot them. 
2000 The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent 
 normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about 
 some of the human rights conditions that had been attached 
 by the U.S. lawmakers. 
2000 A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington brought 
 in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which had just 
 been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas Gov. 
 George W. Bush. 
2001 Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach 
 the summit of Mount Everest. 
2015  smiled.


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How to change image formats 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Florida Man, who brought 2 Kids To 
Failed Drug Deal, and called the cops
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. 
 She was then sold to the English. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family." --- Jerry Seinfeld (1954 - ) Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. --- J. K. Rowling, ______________________________________________________ >From Roland A woman was outside pulling weeds on a hot summer day when her husband walked up and asked her what they were having for dinner. Irritated by the thought of him sitting in the air conditioned house while she laborer away on the weeds, she snapped, "I can't believe you're asking me about supper right now! Pretend I'm out of town, go inside and make dinner yourself!" So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, potatoes, garlic bread, and a tall beer. His wife walked in just about the time he was finishing up and asked, "Where's my dinner?" "Huh? I thought you were out of town," he replied. ______________________________________________________ John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day. Mary: Are you wearing it now? John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's the best that money can buy. Mary: What kind is it? John: Twelve-thirty. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Verda Gandy Goff for these bushes: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Charles McDowell 54, Daytona Beach Floriduh
Florida Man, who brought 2 Kids To Failed Drug Deal, and called the cops A Florida man is facing child abuse charges after allegedly bringing his two kids to a botched drug deal. Charles McDowell, 54, was arrested Sunday night in the parking lot of a Motel 6 near Daytona Beach after Volusia County Sheriff's deputies were called there for a reported armed robbery, WESH.com reports. When they first questioned McDowell, he said that a stranger had robbed him at gunpoint in the parking lot, taking his wallet, money and keys, according to FirstCoastNews.com. McDowell then changed his story, and said that he was there to buy pain pills from a man who robbed him. Because McDowell had two 6-year-old boys with him at the time of the alleged drug deal, he was arrested on two counts of child abuse, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. McDowell was released from the Volusia County Jail on Monday after posting $10,000 bond. The two children were turned over to their respective mothers, according to the Brevard Times. The man who allegedly robbed McDowell has not been arrested, ClickOrlando.com reports.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Punk Re: How to change image format Dear Webby, This was your response to Friday's question about small pictures: First open them and save them as PNG, PSP or PSD. Then change their size to 1200 x 900. My question is HOW do you change these? How do you save them as PNGor PSP? Or how do you change the size? I have been told to change something to JPG but have NO idea HOW to do that either. Thanks from those of us who know just enough to make us dangerous! Punk Dear Punk You need a graphics program. It doesn't have to be an expensive one. There are hundreds of free ones available. I bought PaintShopPro in 1989. Since then there have been lots of others doing more or less the same. Even Windows PAINT apparently has improved to the level, where some people are actually recommending it. Just google for "FREE graphics program", and try a few. I think all of them copied the SAVE AS feature, where you have a pull-down, where you can select the format. There are too many formats to list here. For normal use on the web JPG is best. For dedicated graphics work PSP and PSD are best, because they have built in archive. You can step back even after saving and shutting down. You can usually step back with CTRL Z even with JPG, but only until you save and close the picture. PNG is "Portable Network Graphic". If somebody on an Apple or Mac claims, that they can't open your JPG, save the picture as a PNG for them. However, that happens a lot less these days. For what you plan to do, JPG is best. GIF is worst. In the mid 80's GIF was a great step up from 16 color PIC, because GIF had 256 colors. WOW! Then came JPG with 16 MILLION colors. GIF is still used for animations. Just like on TV, when something is moving, the brain fills in stuff and jaggies or primitive colors are no problem. Unless you are painting frames for animations, avoid GIF. To change the size of a picture, you hit SHIFT S in Paint Shop Pro, and type in the desired size. You can select the pixel numbers, or the print size, for example 8" x 10". Other programs possibly use a different key combo, but you can always mouse around in the top menu, until you find something about size or resize. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Morris was at his usual place sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of smarts and common sense. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest bozos get the most attractive wives." His wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"
A man makes a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?" His wife enthusiastically responds with, "Yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and iron the laundry, and I'll slouch on the couch, watch the TV and fart." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Toys in Popcorn Tins We always used them for storing toys like my son's LEGOs and my daughter's Barbie clothes. By Samantha4309 [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "Because God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !! ------------- I heard that one the first time when I was about 10, and on a fairly serious two day winter climb with the Alpine Club. We spent the night in the attic of an Alpine Club Lodge, that was closed for the winter, and of course told jokes till way into the night. One guy told that joke, and I never forgot it. _____________________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you going to marry?" ____________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2015 Nat Geo Traveler Photo Contest. Some awesome photos here.

Today in 
1430 Joan of Arc was captured by Burgundians. 
 She was then sold to the English. 
1533 Henry VIII’s marriage to Catherine of Aragon was 
 declared null and void. 
1618 The Thirty Years War began when three opponents of 
 the Reformation were thrown through a window. 
1701 In London, Captain William Kidd was hanged after 
 being convicted of murder and piracy. 
1785 Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter that he had 
 invented bifocals. 
1873 Canada's North West Mounted Police force was established. 
 The organization's name was changed to Royal Canadian 
 Mounted Police in 1920. 
1901 American forces captured Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo. 
1908 Part of the Great White Fleet arrived in Puget Sound, WA. 
1915 During World War I, Italy changed sides and joined the Allies 
 as they declared war on Austria-Hungary. 
1922 "Daylight Saving Time" was debated in the first debate 
 ever to be heard on radio in Washington, DC. 
1926 The French captured the Moroccan Rif capital. 
1934 In Bienville Parish, LA, Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow 
 were ambushed and killed by Texas Rangers. The bank robbers 
 were riding in a stolen Ford Deluxe. 
1945 In Luneburg Germany, Heinrich Himmler, the head of the 
 Nazi Gestapo, committed suicide while imprisoned by the 
 Allied forces. 
1949 The Republic of West Germany was established. 
1960 Israel announced the capture of Nazi Adolf Eichmann 
 in Argentina. 
1981 In Barcelona, Spain, gunmen seized control of the 
 Central Bank and took 200 hostages. 
1985 Thomas Patrick Cavanagh was sentenced to life in prison 
 for trying to sell Stealth bomber secrets to the Soviet Union. 
1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City 
 was demolished. 
1998 British Protestants and Irish Catholics of Northern 
 Ireland approved a peace accord. 
1999 In Kansas City, MO, Owen Hart (Blue Blazer) died when he 
 fell 90 feet while being lowered into a WWF wrestling ring. 
 He was 33 years old. 
1999 Gerry Bloch, at age 81, became the oldest climber to 
 scale El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He broke his 
 own record that he set in 1986 when he was 68 years old. 
2015  smiled.


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How to fix up old GIF pictures? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Cleveland man arrested after high-speed 
car chase in Wickliffe
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas 
 in Belgium. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ A man who smelled like a bar at closing time, flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained and his collar showed some liptsick smears. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?" "It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!" "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does." ______________________________________________________ "I would like some vitamins for my daughter Latreesha," the mother said as she walked into the pharmacy. "Vitamins A, B, or C?" asks the pharmacist. "It doesn't matter, she can't read either." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Similar to the view from the house I built in the Yukon, across the Yukon valley towards Mt Lorne range. I sold it fifteen years ago, but still regret that now and then.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyrone C. Bell, Jr. 26, Cleveland, Ohio
Cleveland man arrested after high-speed car chase in Wickliffe WICKLIFFE, Ohio -- A 26-year-old Cleveland man is in custody after high-speed police pursuit down Euclid Avenue in Wickliffe. Tyrone C. Bell, Jr. was also found with various drugs and a handgun reported missing after a home burglary, police said. He is being held at the Lake County Sheriff's Office on a $20,000 bond. An officer started following Bell just before midnight Monday because he was driving 26 mph over the speed limit, according to a report. The officer tried to stop him near Euclid Avenue and East 200th Street. Bell fled police at speeds of up to 100 mph, reports show. The car chase ended in the parking lot of a Euclid Avenue bowling alley. Bell abandoned the car and ran, but was caught shortly after, police said. Detectives who searched the car found an open container of alcohol, marijuana, crack cocaine and a handgun that was stolen from a Madison Township home in 2013, police said. A 22-year-old East Cleveland man and 17-year-old Concord Township boy were also in the car. Police questioned the 22-year-old man, but later released him. The 17-year-old boy will face various drug and weapons charges in juvenile court. Bell faces numerous charges, including failing to comply with a police order, carrying a concealed weapon, receiving stolen property, possession of crack cocaine, obstructing official business and having a weapon as a felon. Bell was sentenced to five years in prison in 2009 for an aggravated robbery, court records show. He also has a prior conviction for carrying a concealed weapon. He is scheduled to appear in Willoughby Municipal Court at 1 p.m. May 28.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wren Re: Improve grainy and fuzzy pictures Dear Webby, I inherited all of my mother's pictures. Unfortunately, in the early days of digital cameras her pictures were quite small, and horror of horrors, in GIF format. They are irreplaceable family pictures of reunions and similar events including people, who have long passed away. Is there any way to salvage those pictures? How? Wren Dear Wren First open them and save them as PNG, PSP or PSD. Then change their size to 1200 x 900. Yes, I know, that makes them look like cheap newsprint. Now soften them and soften them some more, until the pixels and jaggies have melted. It's OK if they look fuzzy. Next sharpen them, and sharpen them some more. Keep a close eye on contrast and brightness. You may have to adjust those between sharpenings. After that you can reduce the size to 800 x 600 or 600 x 480 for printing or adding to a page. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Morris and Abe have been at odds all through the school year, however, they decide to forgive each other for any unkind actions and thoughts before the summer holidays. "And," says Morris, "I wish you, what you would wish for me." Abe yelled, "Are you ALREADY starting getting hostile again?"
The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dandelion Oil for Joint Pain Did you know that dandelions are one of the most useful plants to reduce joint pain and aching muscles? Dandelions have anti-inflammatory properties that have been proven to relieve pain associated with arthritis, gout, sore muscles, and joint pain. This dandelion infused oil can effectively relieve discomfort when massaged into skin. This is easy to make and half the ingredients are free!:) Approximate Time: 45 minutes to an hour Yield: 1 jar Supplies: clean glass jar dandelion blossoms to fill your jar extra virgin olive oil fabric rubberband Steps: Go out into your yard and pick enough dandelions to fill your chosen jar. To prepare them, blow on them and agitate the flower with your finger to remove any debris. If you try to rinse them in water, they close up, sealing any dirt or bugs inside. You will want to snip them with scissors just below the petals. A bit of the green part is completely fine, every part of this amazing plant is edible. Fill your chosen jar with cleaned blossoms. Pour in extra virgin olive oil just shy of the top. Cut a small piece of fabric and secure this with a rubber band to the top. Set in a sunny windowsill for 2 weeks to infuse thoroughly. Now you will want to strain your flowers out of your oil. Please don't throw them away, they are still very nutritious! I will be putting mine in pasta, with fish, and even scrambled eggs. As for your oil, pour it back into your jar and use a lid this time.:) Store in a cool, dry place. Or, you may store it in the fridge indefinitely. Enjoy! Source: Pinterest inspired By melissa [127] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. _____________________________________________________ Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter. Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father. Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother. ____________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2015 Nat Geo Traveler Photo Contest. Some awesome photos here.

Today in 
1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish 
 prelates in France. 
1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at 
 the Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 
1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas 
 in Belgium. 
1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross 
 the Atlantic Ocean. 
1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first 
 reclining chair. 
1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating 
 dry dock. 
1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" 
 took place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, 
 gold and bonds to the seven members of the Reno gang. 
1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 
1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 
1891 The first public motion picture was given in 
 Thomas Edison's lab. 
1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 
1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type 
 computing scale. 
1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola 
 (a pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 
1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying machine. 
1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military 
 alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel." 
1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to 
 appropriate military and economic aid to Turkey and Greece. 
1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was 
 canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because 
 "rock and roll dances might be featured." 
1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of 
 the moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first 
 lunar landing. 
1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president 
 to visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. 
1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became 
 the republic of Sri Lanka. 
1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year 
 deal with United Artists. He signed for a reported 
 $15 million for each film. 
1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to 
 become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 
1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 
1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber 
 pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. 
 She thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, 
 lying and disobeying an order. 
1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 
 bombing that killed 19 American airmen. The information 
 indicated that Saudi citizens had been responsible and 
 not Iranians as once believed. 
1998 A federal judge said that Secret Service agents could 
 be compelled to testify before a grand jury in Monica 
 Lewinsky investigation concerning U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 Voters in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland 
 turned out to cast ballots giving approval to a Northern 
 Ireland peace accord. 
2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's 
 Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001. 
 California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the 
 case due to his relationship with Levy. 
2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux 
 Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church 
 bombing that killed four girls. 
2003 At the Colonial in Fort Worth, TX, Annika Sorenstam 
 became the first woman to play on the PGA tour in 58 years. 
 She ended the day at 1-over par.
2015  smiled.


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Kids by parcel post 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 21

Thank You, Nancy!


Thanks also to the half dozen people, 
who sent birthday greetings by email.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
two Floriduh men apparently preparing to 
attack small town.
Details at Boneheads

Today in
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. --- Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996) There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man's lawful prey. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds awoke early one morning. The couple had been up for quite a while before they met again in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with the husband, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Great! What are we having for breakfast?" he asked. "Toast and juice." replied the bride. ______________________________________________________ Stalin appears before Russian President Vladimir Putin in a dream, and asks what he can do to help. "What can I do?" Putin groans. "The economy is collapsing, the miners are on strike, the army is useless and nobody treats us with any respect." "Shoot the entire government and then paint the Kremlin blue," says Stalin. "Why blue?" "I had a feeling you'd only want to discuss the second half." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Clyde S for this picture of one of his cacti: Click through for the big picture Clyde's Cactus
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Conger, 32 and Jeremy Robertson, 29, Florida
Tipster Alerts Police To 'Rocket-Propelled Grenade' Attack On 'Norman Rockwell' Town Authorities in Florida made two arrests and confiscated a cache of weapons and drugs after receiving a tip that two men were planning to attack a police department, church and youth camp, with a "rocket-propelled grenade launcher." "They certainly had the means to carry out a threat," Eustis Police Chief Fred Cobb told The Huffington Post. Cobb's department, along with the Saint Mary of the Lakes Catholic Church and an Elks Lodge youth camp were the intended targets of the attack, according to a tip authorities received from a jail inmate on Friday. That tip led investigators to a Marion County property, where they seized 22 firearms, several containers of black powder, two bulletproof vests, over a pound of marijuana, powder and crack cocaine, prescription pills and drug paraphernalia, police said. Authorities say they found 32-year-old Christopher Conger and 29-year-old Jeremy Robertson inside an outbuilding, but were unable to locate the rocket launcher the tipster said the men planned to use in their alleged attack. "I happen to know the confidential informant," Cobb said. "Even though I would question his credibility, everything he provided proved to be accurate, other than the grenade launcher." The tipster allegedly told the Marion County Sheriff's Office that Conger and Robertson were motivated by recent "run-ins" with police, but Cobb said he is unaware of any ongoing issues with either man. "We've had interactions with them over the years, but nothing that stands out that would cause them to have, in my opinion, any ill will toward the police department," the chief said. "The fact that a rocket-propelled grenade launcher wasn't found doesn't mean it doesn't exist," Brevard told the news station. "We hope we can find it, if it's out there." Cobb said the grenade launcher was likely "nothing but bravado." "The weapons and bulletproof vests concern me more so than a grenade launcher, which is hard to come by for the average person," Cobb told HuffPost. Conger, of Umatilla, was charged with seven criminal counts and Robertson, of Ocala, faces eight counts. The alleged offenses include possession of cocaine with intent to sell, grand theft of a firearm, using or displaying a firearm during a felony and wearing a bulletproof vest during certain crimes. Neither man has been arrested in connection with the alleged grenade launcher attack. "We have a Norman Rockwell town with our streetscapes and lakefront property and the caliber of people that live in our community," said Cobb. "So it’s a sobering reminder that things like this can happen in Small Town USA."
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irmgard Re: What is batch processing? Dear Webby, You mentioned it again, batch processing. While I can envision a batch of jam or even moonshine, how does that apply to resizing pictures? I hope you don't mean writing bats like we used to in the stone age! Irmgard Dear Irmgard No need to write bats anymore. It's all done with mousing around now. Select a folder, or a bunch of files, and in the resizer tell it what the final size should be. Hit OK and let it rattle down the list. With most resizers you can even specify whether it should ov erwrite the original files, or to leave them alone and put the resized ones somewhere else. Most of them also let you automatically rename the resized files, give them for example a prefix like 2015, and number them. Doing that for a whole batch of selected pictures is what is called batch processing. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Sign in a veterinarian's office: All unattended children will be given a free kitten.
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sheets as Shade Cloth We recently needed a shade cloth for our greenhouse. As my husband is currently laid-off, we couldn't afford to buy one really. So we went to the local thrift store (which supports the local animal shelter, yay for that!) and bought twin sized sheets. We tacked and stapled them up to the rafters, and they are doing a fabulous job. Cooled the greenhouse off quite a bit, and the lettuce and cucumbers are much happier. By 4TruLady [4] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Only yesterday in 1898 it was made illegal to package children up and send them by parcel-post. Seems the kids kept getting out of their boxes and playing with the mail. _____________________________________________________ One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and ran out swinging her rolling pin. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a half hour later with a black eye as well. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No sir," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake." ____________________________________________________
This artist’s handmade, glass blown animal sculptures are amazing works of art.

Today in 
0996 Sixteen year old Otto III was crowned the Roman Emperor. 
1471 King Henry VI was killed in the tower of London. 
 Edward IV took the throne. 
1536 The Reformation was officially adopted in Geneva, 
 Switzerland. 
1542 Hernando de Soto died along the Mississippi River 
 while searching for gold. 
1602 Martha's Vineyard was first sighted by Captain 
 Bartholomew Gosnold. 
1790 Paris was divided into 48 zones. 
1819 Bicycles were first seen in the U.S. in New York City. 
 They were originally known as "swift walkers." 
1840 New Zealand was declared a British colony. 
1906 Louis H. Perlman received his patent for the 
 demountable tire-carrying rim. 
1924 Fourteen-year-old Bobby Franks was murdered in a 
 "thrill killing" committed by Nathan Leopold Jr. and 
 Richard Loeb. The killers were students at the 
 University of Chicago. 
1927 Charles A. Lindberg completed the first solo nonstop 
 airplane flight across the Atlantic Ocean. The trip began 
 May 20. 
1929 The first automatic electric stock quotation board was 
 used by Sutro and Company of New York City. 
1934 Oskaloosa, IA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 fingerprint all of its citizens. 
1956 The U.S. exploded the first airborne hydrogen bomb in 
 the Pacific Ocean over Bikini Atoll. 
1968 The nuclear-powered U.S. submarine Scorpion, with 99 
 men aboard, was last heard from. The remains of the sub 
 were later found on the ocean floor 400 miles southwest 
 of the Azores. 
1970 The National Guard was mobilized to quell disturbances 
 at Ohio State University. 
1980 The movie "The Empire Strikes Back" was released. 
1982 The British landed in the Falkland Islands and 
 fighting began. 
1991 In Madras, India, the former prime minister, Rajiv Gandhi 
 was killed by a bouquet of flowers that contained a bomb. 
1998 An expelled student, Kipland Kinkel, in Springfield, OR, 
 killed 2 people and wounded 25 others with a semi-automatic 
 rifle. Police also discovered that the boy had killed his 
 parents before the rampage. 
1998 Microsoft and Sega announced that they are collaborating 
 on a home video game system. 
1998 In Miami, FL, five abortion clinics were hit by a 
 butyric acid-attacker.
2015  smiled.


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What is Batch Processing? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 20

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa
Floriduh burglar fell asleep on the couch
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a university graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how." ______________________________________________________ In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write 500 times: ‘I drove through a red light even though I knew it is against the law.' !" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Timothy Bontrager, 26, Sarasota, Florida
Burglar Falls Asleep During Heist A good night's sleep is essential for success in all things, and that apparently includes robbery. Police in Sarasota, Florida, arrested Timothy Bontrager, 29, Saturday morning after a homeowner woke up to find him sleeping on her couch, WTSP.com reports. Bontrager allegedly entered the home overnight through an unlocked sliding glass door in the rear of the house. When the homeowner woke up at about 7:20 a.m. and saw the suspect, she roused him from his sleep and asked why he was there. The suspect apologized and started pacing around the home, only to leave when the victim said she was calling the police, according to NBC-2.com. Officers arrived at the home at 8 a.m., at which point the victim discovered that her wallet, license, credit cards, cash and personal checks were missing, according to Bradenton.com. Police took Bontrager into custody a short time later, but he was in shorts, not the pants described by the victim. He was arrested after the victim positively identified him, Sarasota Patch reports. The pants were found a few hours later in a wooden area, along with the victim's wallet. Bontrager has been charged with a burglary of an occupied dwelling and taken to the Sarasota County Jail. He remains in custody on $25,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irmgard Re: What is batch processing? Dear Webby, You mentioned it again, batch processing. While I can envision a batch of jam or even moonshine, how does that apply to resizing pictures? I hope you don't mean writing bats like we used to in the stone age! Irmgard Dear Irmgard No need to write bats anymore. It's all done with mousing around now. Select a folder, or a bunch of files, and in the resizer tell it what the final size should be. Hit OK and let it rattle down the list. With most resizers you can even specify whether it should ov erwrite the original files, or to leave them alone and put the resized ones somewhere else. Most of them also let you automatically rename the resized files, give them for example a prefix like 2015, and number them. Doing that for a whole batch of selected pictures is what is called batch processing. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He climbed out of the vat three times to go to the men's room."
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I can never remember where I park my car, where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor mused for a moment and considered the real priorities, then answered in his kindest tones, "Pay me in advance." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade "Croakies" Eyeglass Holders I'm experimenting with making my own rubber sleeves for the metal earpieces by repurposing rubber or vinyl adhesive weather stripping. To get them onto your glasses temple/ear pieces, cut off a section the desired length. Squeeze a couple of drops of dish washing or liquid hand soap into the hole at the end of the rubber tube and then slip it over your earpiece arm and cut off at other end. Also you can make a "loop" at the end by cutting a small hole into the rubber tube about 2 inches from the end. Push out the earpiece, loop the dangling rubber "tail" around and reinsert it over the ear piece tip again. You may need a drop of dish soap to slide on. Rubber weather stripping tubes usually come in both black or white and one side has a strip of wax paper covering the adhesive. The tricky part seems to be how to get rid of that sticky adhesive before wearing them. I think Goo Gone type solvents can do it. Or if you don't have hair, then just let the oil on your skin get at it! In the meantime, the sticky stuff may help hold your glasses tight to your temples! By MITCH [8] Why re-invent the wheel? Go to Home Depot or Home Hardware and get some Loctite Color Guard or Dipit Liquid rubber. Both come in many colors and also in black, and are a liquid rubber made for tool handles. They are extremely tough and made for tools, that get heavy and daily use in an industrial environment. I have some tools, that I dipped in the 80's, with the handles still soft and grippy. All you do is wipe oil and grease off the tools, and dip the handle into the can, then hang the tool up for an hour. You can do the same with the arms of your glasses. The Loctite Color Guard is, of course, dishwasher and industrial washer proof. DipIt is probably the same, just a different name on the can. Just look which product is sold closer to home. Both have good sites with store locators. People with arthritis or hand injuries: Dip the handles of anything from can openers, ladles, wooden spoons, even pens into Color Guard, to get a soft but very grippy handle, that you can grasp firmly without having to use painful force. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Apparently some convicts at the Pasco County jail are so upset about having to wear striped coveralls that make them look like convicted criminals, that they are seriously considering taking their business elsewhere in the future. _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rusty for this one: There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me." ____________________________________________________
I love Norman Rockwell; he captured America with a sense of humor and truthfulness. His legacy will live forever.

Today in 
0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor 
 Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor. 
1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France 
 over the town of Gascony. 
1347 Cola di Rienzo took the title of tribune in Rome. 
1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty. 
1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been 
 sent to punish him in Mexico. 
1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers 
 of James II. 
1674 John Sobieski became Poland’s first King. 
1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to 
 punish the American colonists for their increasingly 
 anti-British behavior 
1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its 
 independence. This is the date that is on the George state 
 flag even though the date of this event has been questioned. 
1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, 
 England, and Holland. 
1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde. 
1861 North Carolina became the eleventh state to secede 
 from the Union. 
1874 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 
1875 The International Bureau of Weights and Measures was 
 established. 
1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to 
 be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles 
 per hour. 
1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended. 
1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain. 
1916 - Norman Rockwell’s first cover on "The Saturday 
 Evening Post" appeared. 
1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the 
 Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. 
 Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours. 
1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible. 
1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic 
Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat. 
1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the 
 Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper" 
 from Port Washington, New York. 
1941 Germany invaded Crete by air. 
1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma. 
1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. 
 The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals. 
1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, 
 which was referred to as Hamburger Hill. 
1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies 
 in Vietnam. 
1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to 
 run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 
 3,000 miles. 
1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National 
 Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. 
1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John Walker. 
 Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968. 
1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs. 
1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure 
 banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination. 
1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old 
 student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered 
 to an assistant principal at the school. 
2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional 
 synthetic genome. 
2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from 
 the Musée d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 
2015  smiled.


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Free Resizer for W7 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa
Sex Attacker, who Claimed That Victim 
Was "Not Even Rapable" By His Standards
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
 was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery. 
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen 
 of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by 
 Queen Elizabeth. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett ______________________________________________________ A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the gates there are two lines. One has a sign over it that States "I did everything my wife told me to." The second line has a sign that states, "I made my own decisions." Joe comes up and gets in the first line that wraps around and around and goes on for eternity. As he's standing there he notices the second line only had one man standing in it. He asks the guys in front of him, "Who does he think he is? Yeah right he made his own decisions. " After long thought and not coming up with any reason for why this man was standing in the line by himself he goes up to him asks why he is in that line. The man replies, "I don't really know. My wife told me to stand over here." ______________________________________________________ Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could/should have married. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture SkyBridge, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Milller, 36, Coralville, Iowa
Accused Sex Attacker Claimed That Victim Was "Not Even Rapable" By His Standards In denying that he sexually assaulted a woman, an Iowa man told cops that the victim was “not even rapable” by his standards, according to court records. William Miller, 36, was named in a May 7 criminal complaint charging him with felony sexual abuse in connection with the alleged attack last year. According to police, the victim “was with friends drinking and hanging out” at an Iowa City home. When “everyone went to sleep,” Miller removed the incapacitated woman’s pants and “began having sex with her.” The attack last May was interrupted by a friend of the victim, who ordered Miller to “get away.” Miller then d eparted the residence. The friend, cops report, “was able to wake the passed out victim and get her to the hospital for an exam.” When questioned by cops, Miller admitted having sex with the woman, but claimed that the encounter was consensual. As reported by the Iowa City Police Department, Miller “classified the victim as ‘not even rapable’ by his own standards.” Miller, who lives in Coralville, an Iowa City suburb, is pictured in the above mug shot. Locked up in lieu of $26,000 bail, Miller is also facing theft, public intoxication, and interference with official acts charges. In the last two years, Miller has been convicted of d omestic abuse, theft, harassment, marijuana possession, public intoxication, and trespass, court records show.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Picture resizer for W7 Dear Webby, I was reminded when reading your newsletter today that Picture Resizer does not seem to work with Windows 7. I really liked that program, is there another one similar that will work with Windows7? Don S Dear Don There are tones of resizers available, if you google for them. Here is one of them: Free Picture Resizer Free Picture Resizer lets you perform basic image editing, such as resizing, rotating, and flipping a photo as well as applying filters and other color corrections. The software comes free of charge and also features batch file processing and an intuitive interface. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Finally, when he could take it any longer, he jumped up, and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, Harold, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
That reminds me, ... do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Hard Boiled Eggs First, put eggs in a pan and fill with enough cold water to cover eggs completely, then bring water to a rapid boil. As soon as the water reaches a rapid boil, remove pan from heat and cover pan tightly with a lid. The length of time it takes to hard boil an egg depends on the size and type of the egg. Let sit 12 minutes for regular-sized eggs, 17 minutes for large eggs and 20 minutes for jumbo eggs. Transfer eggs immediately to cold water (I add ice cubes to water) and let cool at least 10 minutes. This causes a layer of steam to develop between the shell and the egg white, which makes peeling the egg much easier. Store in the refrigerator. By mcw [80] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ It takes a second to become infatuated with someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget some people. _____________________________________________________ A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday. A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?" "Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she answers. The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the sound it makes." The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops it on the counter. He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15." Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same. "Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20." Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one. As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady feels the gasses produced by the beans at lunch to rumble and escape, but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is. Salesman says, "That'll be $25." "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?" "That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the stinkfish bait." ____________________________________________________
I love mysteries.

Today in 
1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier set sail for North America. 
1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of England's King Henry VIII, 
 was beheaded after she was convicted of adultery. 
1568 After being defeated by the Protestants, Mary the Queen 
 of Scots, fled to England where she was imprisoned by 
 Queen Elizabeth. 
1588 The Spanish Armada set sail from Lisbon, bound for 
 England. 
1608 The Protestant states formed the Evangelical Union 
 of Lutherans and Calvinists. 
1643 The French army defeated a Spanish army at Rocroi, 
 France. 
1847 The first English-style railroad coach was placed in 
 service on the Fall River Line in Massachusetts. 
1857 The electric fire alarm system was patented by 
 William F. Channing and Moses G. Farmer. 
1858 A pro-slavery band led by Charles Hameton executed 
 unarmed Free State men near Marais des Cygnes on the 
 Kansas-Missouri border. 
1911 The first American criminal conviction that was based 
 on fingerprint evidence occurred in New York City. 
1921 The U.S. Congress passed the Emergency Quota Act, which 
 established national quotas for immigrants. 
1926 Thomas Edison spoke on the radio for the first time. 
1926 Benito Mussolini announced that democracy was 
 deceased. Rome became a fascist state. 
1926 In Damascus, Syria, French shells killed 600 people. 
1935 T.E. Lawrence "Lawrence of Arabia" died from injuries 
 in a motorcycle crash in England. 
1958 Canada and the U.S. formally established the North 
 American Air Defense Command. 
1962 Marilyn Monroe performed a sultry rendition of 
 "Happy Birthday" for U.S. President John F. Kennedy. The 
 event was a fund-raiser at New York's Madison Square Garden. 
1964 The U.S. State Department reported that diplomats had 
 found about 40 microphones planted in the U.S. Embassy 
 in Moscow. 
1967 U.S. planes bombed Hanoi for the first time. 
1974 Erno Rubik invented the puzzle what would later become 
 known as the Rubik's Cube. 
1988 In Jacksonville, FL, Carlos Lehder Rivas was convicted 
 of smuggling more than three tons of cocaine into the 
 United States. Rivas was the co-founder of Colombia's 
 Medellin drug cartel. 
1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle criticized the CBS sitcom 
 "Murphy Brown" for having its title character decide to bear 
 a child out of wedlock. 
1992 In Massapequa, NY, Mary Jo Buttafuoco was shot and 
 seriously wounded by Amy Fisher. Fisher was her husband 
 Joey's teen-age lover. 
1998 In Russia, strikes broke out over unpaid wages. 
1999 "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" was released 
 in the U.S. It set a new record for opening day sales at 
 28.5 million. 
1999 Rosie O'Donnell and Tom Selleck got into an uncomfortable 
 verbal issue concerning gun control on O'Donnell's talk show. 
2000 The bones of the most complete and best-preserved 
 Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton went on display in Chicago. 
2000 Disney released the movie "Dinosaur." 
2003 It was announced that Worldcom Inc. would pay investors 
 $500 million to settle civil fraud charges over its $11 
 billion accounting scandal. 
2003 Hundreds of Albert Einstein's scientific papers, personal 
 letters and humanist essays were make available on the 
 Internet. Einstein had given the papers to the Hebrew 
 Universtiy of Jerusalem in his will. 
2005 "Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith" brought 
 in 50.0 million in its opening day.
2015  smiled.


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Pictures too large for email 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 18

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Utah man, who was motivated to rob a credit union
by his desire to bail out his girlfriend.

Details at Boneheads

Today in
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted 
 sole and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf ______________________________________________________ 3 year-old Kelli went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host, -in this practise case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on Kelli. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you." ______________________________________________________ Two writers of modern poetry who had been bitter rivals for years met on a busy street corner. "You know, since we last met, my audience has increased!" the first said. "Congratulations!" the second one said. "How did you do it? By marriage or by adoption? " ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Newfies preparing to tow an iceberg out of the path towards a drilling platform.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Phillip Rivas, 26, Pleasant Grove, Utah
Utah Man robbed credit union for girlfriend’s bail money Bailing a girlfriend out of jail motivated a man to rob a credit union, police said. Robert Phillip Rivas, 26, and Armando Jesse Ambriz, 28, robbed the Utah Community Credit Union at 105 E. State on May 4, according to the Pleasant Grove Police Department. “We later received information from one of Robert Rivas’ family members indicating that they were aware of a plot he had to rob a bank to obtain money to bail his girlfriend out of jail,” said Lt. Britt Smith. “ (With) search warrants we were able to find some receipts for bail bondsmen that indicated he had in fact bailed his girlfriend out of jail hours after the robbery here in Pleasant Grove.” The case was also unusual because police were able to arrest Ambriz before they even received a physical description of the robbers, according to Smith. “The bank they robbed was just a couple of blocks away from the police department and he was walking toward the police department wearing an obvious disguise, so officers responding from the police department to the bank passed by him first,” he said. “Obviously he stood out like a sore thumb wearing a wig, fake beard and fake eyebrows.” Both Ambriz and Rivas were booked into the Utah County Jail on suspicion of felony robbery and obstruction of justice. Rivas' girlfriend was released on bail, according to Smith. “I don’t know what her plans are now that (Rivas) is looking at some prison time,” Smith said.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Pictures are too big for email Dear Webby, The pictures from my new camera are way too big for email. I had the camera set to record pictures at 480 by something, but everybody was screaming at me about too small and fuzzy pictures. Now I got them large and fine, and they say they can't receive them! What do I do now? Mary Dear Mary Continue taking pictures in large and fine format. That allows you to crop them, cut them down to just the important parts. It also allows you to reduce them in size to what the recipients can handle. Just about everybody can handle 800 x 600, and still enjoy a sharp, fine-grained picture. To crop a picture or to reduce it in size you need some sort of graphcs program. Don't worry, you don't have to shell out big bucks for Photoship or spend a month learning GIMP. There are lots of free graphics programs available. Try a few of them until you come across one, that suits your style. For the pictures in the humor Letter I use about 600 wide for the "Thumbnail", and 1024 for the large picture. If a picture is tall and narro, then of course I have to change that and just make them 1100 tall. That seems to suit the majority. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Wife: "I'm happy to see that the neighbors finally returned our lawn mower before they moved. They certainly had it long enough." Husband: "*Our* lawn mower? I just bought it at the garage sale they're having." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray I'm trying to eliminate unwanted chemicals from our diet. I don't like the things in the non-stick aerosol can that I usually use. It struck me the other day; make your own! I had a tiny spray bottle I bought at Walmart for less than a dollar, I added my ingredients, very simple, and it worked great! One more healthy change and very little effort involved. It's even less expensive than the old kind. Approximate Time: 10 minutes? Yield: 2 ounces Ingredients: small fingertip spray bottle 1 ounce water 1 ounce grapeseed oil measuring cup funnel Supplies for Decorating the Spray Bottle old magazine scissors tape cookie cutter or stencil paper bag pen twine supplies Steps: Pour 1 ounce of water into your bottle with a funnel. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Pour 1 ounce of grapeseed, extra virgin olive oil, or any all natural healthy oil. Non-hydrogenated is very important. Shake well. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label from an old magazine and tape onto the front of your bottle. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label with a cookie cutter or stencil from a grocery bag for your label. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Label it and tape on. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Tie with some twine and you're good to go. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray You don't have to do this, but I find cooking more enjoyable when the items I use are dressed up a bit.:) By melissa [122] I have used an Amway pistol grip sprayer originally intended for their LOC cleaner since the mid 80's for that. I just fill it with olive oil, and when needed, I lightly mist a pan or pot or baking sheet with it. Works fine, and the olive oil lubricates it nicely. It still works as well as on day one. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day little Johnny was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. "My budgie bird died and I'm burying him," Johnny replied. "That's an awful big hole for a little bird, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your stupid cat!" _____________________________________________________ Linda was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Linda kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Linda marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" ____________________________________________________
Best B.C. Weather Window Photos of 2014

Today in 
1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the 
 Flemish oligarchs. 
1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded. 
1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted 
 sole and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, 
 overriding the late king's will. 
1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery 
 illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind. 
1792 Russian troops invaded Poland. 
1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France. 
1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the 
 French Senate. 
1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between 
 Uruguay and Brazil. 
1897 A public reading of Bram Stoker's new novel, "Dracula, 
 or, The Un-dead," was performed in London. 
1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, 
 which called up soldiers to fight in World War I. 
1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while visiting 
 a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month later with the 
 claim that she had been kidnapped. 
1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the 
 Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean 
 nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship. 
1933 The Tennessee Valley Authority was created. 
1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the 
 "Lindberg Act," that called for the death penalty in 
 interstate kidnapping cases. 
1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was finally 
 captured by the Allies in Italy. 
1951 The United Nations moved its headquarters to New York City. 
1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb. 
1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were 
 killed and 3 billion in damage was done. 
1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions 
 of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program. 
1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip 
 ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and 
 Palestinian authorities took over. 
1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a sweeping 
 antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the computer 
 software company had a "choke hold" on competitors which denied 
 consumer choices by controlling 90% of the software market. 
1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people and 
 seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation of 
 money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and two 
 drug-smuggling cartels. 
2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea 
 into the Russian Federation. 
2015  smiled.


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PPS Viewer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 17

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Man Jailed For Copycat Facebook 
Police Death Threats
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use. --- William James (1842 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," he commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." ______________________________________________________ Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Danxia, China
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Leshawn McCullum, 33, Iowa City, Iowa
Man Jailed For Copycat Facebook Police Death Threats Days AFTER a Georgia woman was arrested for a Facebook post advocating the shooting of “every white cop in the nation,” an Iowa man cribbed the threatening words for his own Facebook page, a copy and paste job that now has him locked up in jail. Michael Leshawn McCullum, 30, was arrested Tuesday by Iowa City cops on a warrant charging him with harassment. Pictured above, McCullum is being held on $100,000 bail on the aggravated misdemeanor count. According to investigators, McCullum earlier this month posted a Facebook message stating, “I’ve thought about shooting every white cop I see in the head until I’m either caught by the police or killed by them.” He added, “Ha!!!! I think I can pull it off. Might kill at least fifteen tomorrow. I’m plotting now.” McCullum’s post came in the days following the Baltimore riots. Police allege that he made the threat using the online alias “Mike Jones.” The threatening words attributed to McCullum first appeared on the Facebook page of Ebony Dickens, a 33-year-old mother from suburban Atlanta. As Baltimore rioters looted businesses and torched buildings, Dickens allegedly posted an April 27 Facebook message announcing that, “All Black ppl should rise up and shoot at every white cop in the nation starting NOW.” The message continued, “I condone black on white killing. I’ve thought about shooting every white cop I see in the head until I’m either caught by the police or killed by them. Ha!!!! I think I can pull it off. Might kill at least fifteen tomorrow. I’m plotting now.” Dickens’s arrest was widely reported, with many news accounts including transcripts of her alleged Facebook threat, which closed with the words “Death to all white cops nationwide.” Charged with making terroristic threats, Dickens is free on $10,000 bond and has been ordered to stop using her social media accounts. The criminal complaint charging McCullum with harassment lists the incident date as May 1, two days after Dickens was arrested. McCullum, now being held in the Muscatine County jail, has a lengthy rap sheet that includes convictions for drunk driving, pot possession, trespass, possession of drug paraphernalia, and assault on a peace officer. He is quite familiar with jail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: PPS viewer Dear Webby, What program do you use for viewing PPS files? I am not going to buy Microsoft Office just for PPS. Thanks Rita Dear Rita There are many programs, that would do, but since I already have Open Office, it opens them quite nicely, unless some snooty idiot passworded them, requiring you to beg for an unlocked version. Usually those are a waste of time anyway. For my purposes, "Impress", included in Open Office, works well enough. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray I'm trying to eliminate unwanted chemicals from our diet. I don't like the things in the non-stick aerosol can that I usually use. It struck me the other day; make your own! I had a tiny spray bottle I bought at Walmart for less than a dollar, I added my ingredients, very simple, and it worked great! One more healthy change and very little effort involved. It's even less expensive than the old kind. Approximate Time: 10 minutes? Yield: 2 ounces Ingredients: small fingertip spray bottle 1 ounce water 1 ounce grapeseed oil measuring cup funnel Supplies for Decorating the Spray Bottle old magazine scissors tape cookie cutter or stencil paper bag pen twine supplies Steps: Pour 1 ounce of water into your bottle with a funnel. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Pour 1 ounce of grapeseed, extra virgin olive oil, or any all natural healthy oil. Non-hydrogenated is very important. Shake well. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label from an old magazine and tape onto the front of your bottle. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Cut a label with a cookie cutter or stencil from a grocery bag for your label. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Label it and tape on. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray Tie with some twine and you're good to go. All Natural Non-Stick Cooking Spray You don't have to do this, but I find cooking more enjoyable when the items I use are dressed up a bit.:) By melissa [122] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!" _____________________________________________________ A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for him and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along. Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy $5 for every man he sees go by in a red hat. A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts "Dad, are you sure you can afford that ? You'd better come outside, there's a Shriner convention in town and they are all marching up our street. Looks like about 650 of them." ____________________________________________________
These sheep are adorable and I love their wool!

Today in 
1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor Humayun at Kanauj. 
1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface. 
1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. As a 
 result, England declares war on France. 
1756 Britain declared war on France, beginning the French and 
 Indian War. 
1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall Street 
 by 24 brokers. 
1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, 
 which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 
1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was installed 
 by Edwin T. Holmes. 
1926 The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs 
 that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and Vanzetti. 
1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico." 
1939 The first fashion to be shown on television was broadcast in 
 New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel. 
1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the invasion 
 of France. 
1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's 
 railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and 
 trainmen. 
1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel. 
1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for 
 sale in Caldwell Township, NJ. 
1973 The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings. 
1975 NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the Wind." 
 The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000. 
1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood 
 after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former 
 Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance 
 executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in 
 the rioting. 
1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" 
 on CBS-TV. He returned the following season. 
1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark 
 in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and 
 the United States called the attack a mistake. 
1990 Kelsey Grammer was sentenced to 30 days in jail for DWI. 
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring 
 neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. Megan's 
 Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was raped and 
 killed in 1994. 
1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the 
 Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire. 
1999 Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6 
 months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours 
 of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge 
 that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise 
 and Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the conversation. 
2000 Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to 
 police in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan members 
 were arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 
 1963 that killed four young black girls. 
2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the 
 broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era 
 forced labor. 
2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24 
 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk under 
 a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning them 
 into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made reef 
 at the time of the sinking. 
2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea 
 for the first time since 1953.
2015  smiled.


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Classic desktop for W7, W8, W8.1 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, May 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Partying Oklahoma Woman Left Child 
In Car On Mother's Day
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King 
 Louis XVI of France, who was 15.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Love truth, and pardon error. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) I'd rather work with someone who's good at their job but doesn't like me, than someone who likes me but is a ninny. --- Sam Donaldson (1934 - ) ______________________________________________________ The President was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat treehuggers, and sweat gasoline." ______________________________________________________ Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janina for a picture of her frog Click through for the big picture Dear Webby, sharing my photo of the little frog I found hiding in my azaleas as I was getting water from the spigot. Unusual color so, I took some photos and share with you. Thanks for always sharing such great humor and advice to help us through our challenges :>)) Have fun, be well! Janina A., NJ
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Hayley Dawn Hampton, 28, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Partying Oklahoma Woman Left Child In Car On Mother's Day Hayley Dawn Hampton probably won't forget this past Mother's Day, thanks to an arrest for suspected child neglect. Hampton, 28, was allegedly left her 4-year-old child in the back seat of a gray Nissan Xterra on Monday while she was having drinks at a sports bar in Oklahoma City, KOCO.com reports. Police were called to Lumpy's Sports Bar after a bartender saw the child sitting alone in a car in the parking lot. When they approached Hampton, she said she was at the bar to pick up her boyfriend, but stayed when friends asked her to celebrate Mother's Day with a drink, according to NewsOK.com. Hampton said her boyfriend offered to stay outside to watch the child. A bartender said Hampton didn't notice when her boyfriend came back into the bar 15 minutes later. The bartender told authorities that Hampton drank a beer and a shot and was in the bar for an hour before police arrived, News9.com reports. Hampton was taken to the Oklahoma County Jail to schober up a bip, and her child was released to a family member. The boyfriend was not arrested, according to the station. Well, at least she had a sober dedicated driver instead of a DUI accident.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Charles Re: Classic Windows Desktop Dear Webby, A friend told me you mentioned a link for a Windows XP style desktop for the dreaded 8.1. Can you please tell me what that link was? Charles Dear Charles The Classic shell is at http://www.classicshell.net/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Brownies I have been making homemade brownies for many years. This recipe is a winner for me, because they are easy, tasty, and moist. Approximate Time: Prep time 10 minutes Cooking time 25 minutes Yield: About 16 large brownies or 32 small onesplate of brownies Ingredients: 1/2 cup sugar 2 Tbsp butter 2 Tbsp water 1 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 2 eggs 1/2 tsp vanilla extract 2/3 cup flour 1/4 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp salt Steps: Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Grease and flour an 8x8 inch square pan or dish. In a medium saucepan, combine the sugar, butter and water. Cook over medium heat until boiling. Remove from heat and stir in chocolate chips until melted and smooth. Mix in eggs and vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt; stir into chocolate mixture. Spread evenly into prepared pan. Bake for 25-30 minutes in preheated oven, until brownies are set. Do not over bake. Use a toothpick for doneness. Cool in pan completely before cutting into squares. Source: Just looking through different recipes on line, and mixing ideas from them. By Jackie H. [68] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom." _____________________________________________________ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ____________________________________________________
I can't even do a hand stand on the ground let alone on a moving horse!

Today in 
1770 Marie Antoinette, at age 14, married the future King 
 Louis XVI of France, who was 15. 
1879 The Treaty of Gandamak between Russia and England set 
 up the Afghan state. 
1881 In Germany, the first electric tram for the public 
 started service. 
1888 The first demonstration of recording on a flat disc 
 was demonstrated by Emile Berliner. 
1888 The capitol of Texas was dedicated in Austin. 
1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome. 
1946 "Annie Get Your Gun" opened on Broadway. 
1946 Jack Mullin showed the world the first magnetic 
 tape recorder. 
1960 A Big Four summit in Paris collapsed due to the 
 American U-2 spy plane incident. 
1960 Theodore Maiman, at Hughes Research Laboratory in 
 California, demonstrated the first working laser. 
1963 After 22 Earth orbits Gordon Cooper returned to Earth, 
 ending Project Mercury. 
1969 Venus 5, a Russian spacecraft, landed on the planet Venus. 
1975 Japanese climber Junko Tabei became the first woman to 
 reach the summit of Mount Everest. 
1977 Five people were killed when a New York Airways helicopter, 
 idling on top of the Pan Am Building in Manhattan, toppled over, 
 sending a huge rotor blade flying. 
1987 The Bobro 400 set sail from New York Harbor with 3,200 
 tons of garbage. The barge travelled 6,000 miles in search 
 of a place to dump its load. It returned to New York Harbor 
 after 8 weeks with the same load. 
1988 A report released by Surgeon General C. Everett Koop 
 declared that nicotine was addictive in similar ways as 
 heroin and cocaine. 
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police do not have 
 to have a search warrant to search discarded garbage. 
1991 Queen Elizabeth II became the first British monarch 
 to address the U.S. Congress. 
1992 The Endeavour space shuttle landed safely after its 
 maiden voyage. 
1996 Admiral Jeremy "Mike" Boorda, the nation's top Navy 
 officer, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound after 
 some of his military awards were called into question. 
1997 In Zaire, President Mobutu Sese Seko gave control of 
 the country to rebel forces ending 32 years of autocratic 
 rule. 
2000 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was nominated 
 to run for U.S. Senator in New York. She was the first 
 U.S. first lady to run for public office. She was given a 
 "safe" constituency and a house in new York to get her 
 out of the White House after President Bill Clinton's 
 Monika Lewinsky affair.
2015  smiled.


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How to remove TermBlazer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, May 15
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Alfred!

Walter, the Stonecarver, had some very good news.
He is using Windows 8.1 on a laptop, but instead of the
rather useless 8.1 desktop is using a classic XP desktop.
With that it works just like an XP machine, except directory
sort and searches are much slower than on the XP.

Other than that it's just like an XP, and you can
get work done just like on an XP. 
And Eudora works just fine on 8.1.

Thanks to Walter for this link:
The XP or W7 desktop shell and various skins are at
http://www.classicshell.net/

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Breastfeeding Florida mom blames 
whiskey-soaked burgers for DUI
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Experience teaches slowly and at the cost of mistakes. --- James A. Froude (1818 - 1894) ______________________________________________________ An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive." ______________________________________________________ A young couple had a flat tire outside the fence of a mental institution. The wife was leery of the inmates wandering inside the compound, but there was a swift creek separating them and her husband said it was OK. He took off the four lug nuts and set them into the hubcap to keep them from rolling away. Well, when he rolled the spare tire along the car, he rolled it over the edge of the hubcap and the nuts went flying into the creek. He tried wrapping a coathanger around the lug bolts, but as soon as he lowered the car, the wheel popped off to the great amusement of the spectators behind the fence. After a few more similarly hilarious attempts, finally an inmate behind the fence told the young man to take one nut from each of the other tires and put them on the spare. It would be safe enough to get them to a service station a few miles away. "That's pretty smart for a guy in your place," the husband said. The inmate replied: "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cateria Thomas, 33, New Smyrna Beach, Floriduh
Breastfeeding Floorida mom blames whiskey-soaked burgers for DUI A Florida mother accused of driving drunk with four small kids in the car allegedly told police the alcohol on her breath came from the four whiskey-soaked hamburgers she had consumed. Cateria Thomas, 33, was arrested early Tuesday morning in New Smyrna Beach, Florida, after Volusia County deputies noticed her car's tags were expired. Deputies said they noticed three children were improperly restrained and Thomas was breastfeeding a two-month-old child, according to WESH.com. Officers said Thomas' eyes were red, watery and glossy, and her speech was slurred. Three kids, ages 1, 3 and 4, were in the back seat and there was a full can of gas in the front passenger seat, ClickOrlando.com reports. After a relative picked up the children, Thomas failed field sobriety tests. Police said she told them she’d had four “hamburgers with whiskey on them,” the Daytona Beach News-Journal reports. No open bottle in the car. Thomas was charged with unlawful alteration of her car's tags, operating with a suspended license, DUI, a child act that could result in mental or physical injury, and resisting an officer without violence. She remains in the Volusia County Jail on $13,505. They didn't check the blood alcol level of the breastfed baby.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Suryakant Re: TermBlazer Dear Webby, How do I remove TermBlazer AdWare from my PC? Suryakant Dear Suryakant You probably saw me recommending Malwarebytes. http://webby.com/malwarebytes You will need that to get rid of TermBlazer. TermBlazer is not a virus, but some crap, that you agreed to install, either because you got conned into believing it was useful, or as payment for something else, that you believed was useful. Malwarebytes will get rid of TermBlazer. Unfortunately, when you had your gullibility attack, you might have agreed to all kinds of other bad stuff too. Keep a close eye out for any other nuisances, that might still be in your computer, and tell me what they are. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heat Candlesticks to Remove Wax To remove wax from a metal or glass candlestick my way: Turn oven to 170 degrees C (about 325 degrees F) Place item on tray lined with baking paper. Leave for 5 minutes or until it looks like wax has melted. Remove HOT item with a cloth. Be careful not to burn yourself! Rub down with dry rag or paper towel and let cool. This is much less messy than the hot water method and quicker. By Coco333 [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate, yes, for sure, my dear, but not in the House." _____________________________________________________ Joe, John and Bob were moving furniture. While Joe and John were struggling with a particularly heavy oak wardrobe. Joe noticed that Bob was nowhere in sight. "John, where's Bob?" asked Joe. "He should be helping us with this thing." "He is helping," said John, "He's inside holding the clothes hangers in place!" ____________________________________________________
I can't even do a hand stand on the ground let alone on a moving horse!

Today in 
1602 Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold. 
1614 An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the 
 treaty of St.Menehould. 
1618 Johannes Kepler discovered his harmonics law. 
1702 The War of Spanish Succession began. 
1768 Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased 
 Corsica from Genoa just in time for Napoleon to be born
 Frenchman.
1795 Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan. 
1849 Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in 
 possession of Sicily. 
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of 
 Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of 
 the Sherman Antitrust Act. 
1916 U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell 
 civil disorder. 
1926 Roald Amundsen and Lincoln Ellsworth were forced down 
 in Alaska after a four-day flight over an icecap. Ice had 
 begun to form on the dirigible Norge. 
1930 Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant. 
1940 Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the U.S. 
1942 Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 
 3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles. 
1948 Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, 
 Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its independence. 
1951 AT&T became the first corporation to have one million 
 stockholders. 
1957 Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island 
 in the Pacific Ocean. 
1958 Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched in 
 the Soviet Union. 
1963 The last Project Mercury space flight was launched. 
1964 The Smothers Brothers, Dick and Tom, gave their first concert 
 in Carnegie Hall in New York City. 
1970 U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first two female generals. 
1970 Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two black 
 students at Jackson State University in Mississippi, were killed 
 when police opened fire during student protests. 
1972 Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer in 
 Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. Wallace 
 was paralyzed by the shot. 
1975 The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from 
 Cambodia's Khmer Rouge. 
1980 The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the United 
 States took place. 
1983 In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by implosion. 
1988 The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000 
 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for 
 more than eight years. 
1990 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was sold 
 for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record. 
1997 The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to 
 deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh 
 American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station. 
1999 The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough 
 votes to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 
2014 The National September 11 Memorial Museum was dedicated 
 in New York City. 
2015  smiled.


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Why not use Skype for emergency calls? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, May 14

Thank you very much, Clyde!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Nebraska Man, who Details at Boneheads

Today in
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) That reminds me of a time, when I was working at the copper mine in the Yukon. In winter everybody plugged in their vehicles in the mine parking lot, because you couldn't send a spouse or kid out to start and run it a bit every four hours. Without plug-ins none of the vehicles would start after a twelve hour shift at -40 or colder. Everybody had an assigned spot. Most of us had a 15 foot extension cord permanently plugged in on the rail, and just connected that to a short cable from a power bar sticking out from under the carpet covering the grille, That saved us haviing to wind up and crack a cold cable. One day a new guy asked me if all those short cables from the center rails to empty spots might be leaking electricity into the snow. I suggested to kim to just tie a knot into his cable and he would be quite safe. He did that, and he never got electrocuted. If he is still alive, he probably still does that. ______________________________________________________ A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." The young determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?" "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer. "Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days." ______________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture One of the two fox pups in the den at the end of my street. The other one is rather shy, possibly because of kids throwing rocks at it. Their den is only 20 feet off the street.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gursham Gillett, 49, Cozad, Nebraska
Nebraska Man Steals Lawn Mower By Driving It Out The Store A Nebraska man has been accused of stealing a riding lawn mower from a Wal-Mart store and driving it off the lot. The Kearney Hub reports a sheriff's deputy found a man driving the mower Wednesday about 10 miles from the store where it was stolen during the weekend. Forty-nine-year-old Gursham Gillett, of Cozad, was arrested and charged with one count each of theft by shoplifting and criminal mischief. He's accused of stealing the mower from a Wal-Mart Supercenter in Lexington. Security footage shows a man entering the store, fueling up the lawn mower, cutting a chain link fence where the mower was stored and taking off on it. The video shows the man cutting another fence on Interstate 80 before driving out of the camera's view.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marina Re: Why not Skype to emergency numbers? Dear Webby, Why are there all these dire warnings on Skype to never use it to make any emerfgency calls like 911, etc ? Since Skype is much more reliable than our local phone, that seems very odd to me. Marina Dear Marina 911 and other emergency switchboards use fancy programs to tell exactly where you are, just in case somebody grabs your phone or you pass out and don't finish telling them where you are. If you use Skype, then they can't tell where you are. Also, 1-800 and 911 numbers don't work if your call comes in via the Skype switchboard in Luxembourg. When you dial 911 with a phone, it automatically connects you to the nearest emergency switchboard. Skype does not know where that would be. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My TV is broken." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Shower for Correct Temperature If you have a shower and only one tap, you know you get cold water or boiling hot before getting the right temperature. All you have to do is mark the tap with a marker or whiteout once you find the right setting you like. No more freezing cold wake up calls. By coville123 [326] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?" _____________________________________________________ A fellow is talking to his Irish buddy and says, "I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey" "How come?" asked his friend. "Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church." "What's wrong with that?" the Irishman asks. "A lot of good Irishman go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to their wife, and go to mass on Sunday." "I know," said his friend, "but I'm Jewish." ____________________________________________________
Don't forget to breathe!

Today in 
1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon 
 deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 
1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venitians 
 in Northern Italy. 
1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated 
 by a fanatical monk, François Ravillac. 
1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death 
 of his father, Louis XIII. 
1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner. 
1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp 
 Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis 
 joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery." 
1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain. 
1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk. 
1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole. 
1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough. 
1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by 
 wireless telegraph. 
1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement. 
1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany. 
1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India. 
1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the independent 
 State of Israel as British rule in Palestine came to an end. 
1955 The Warsaw Pact, an Easter European mutual-defense treaty, 
 was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc countries 
 including the Soviet Union. 
1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the 
 first U.S. manned space station. 
1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and 
 recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40 crew 
 members were released safely by Cambodia. About 40 U.S. 
 servicemen were killed in the military operation. 
1985 The first McDonald's restaurant became the first 
 fast-food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, Illinois. 
1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was 
 involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants. 
1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed members 
 of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a bill to aid the 
 people of the former Soviet Union. 
1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More than 440 
 people were killed. 
1998 The Associated Press marked its 150th anniversary. 
1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers that had 
 been killed during the Korean War. 
2015  smiled.


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Internet Radio on dial-up 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Maryland woman after body scanner reveals heroin
in her vagina
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18, 
 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later 
 and settled at Port Jackson. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________________________________________ "Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?" "Yes." "I want you to send somebody over right away." "What's wrong?" "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my dog." ______________________________________________________ The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this one: Click through for the big picture This one bloomed last night. To give you an idea how big that flower is, the spines (needles, thorns) are 10 cm (4 inches) ling, and strong enough to hang a coat onn them. The flower lasts just one night, and closes for good in the morning.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Lee Bembow, Brittany Ann Sapp, 23, Frederick County, Maryland
Body Scanner Reveals Heroin In Woman's Vagina A Maryland woman being processed at jail after her arrest was charged again when a body scanner detected heroin in her vagina. Brittany Ann Sapp, 23, was arrested Saturday after a deputy in Frederick County, Maryland, pulled her over for a traffic violation, according to the Associated Press. During the stop, a K-9 officer sniffed out the presence of narcotics in the car. A search discovered a substance suspected to be heroin, which led to Sapp's arrest, according to WUSA9.com. Sapp was taken to central booking at the Frederick County Adult Detention Center for processing. While she was there, authorities used a body scanner on her that detected a baggie in her vagina. It contained another 1.7 grams of heroin, WBALTV.com reports. She was transferred to a local hospital a short time later after she showed symptoms suggesting that she ingested at least some heroin, MyFoxDC reports. Sapp has been charged with possession of heroin and possession of contraband in a place of confinement, CorrectionsOne.com reports. She was released Saturday after posting $25,000 bail, and is due in court June 30.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Internet Radio Dear Webby, We live way out in the sticks and have an extremely limited choice, actually no satisfactory choice of radio station sout here. At times, when I do have time to listen, they usually have some leftwing nuts arguing and trying to make everybody feel guilty about something. Naturally, that is not good for the health of radios. One neighbor listens to some internet radio, and he definitely has decent music all day long. Can I do that with our dial-up? How do I pipe that to the PA that powers all the speakers on the entire farm? Thanks Mark Dear Mark Yes, sure you can. Go to http://accuradio.com and pick a suitable channel. There are over a Thousand of them. For the connection, have a look on the PA for a blue socket or connection screws, or unused red microphone inputs. Connect from the green sound output on the computer to that. That's all there is to it. By the way, cows are the most peaceful and calm for milking with Classic Country Music. Avoid the modern screechers. With AccuRadio you can rate your favorites and ban screechers. You will have it trained to your liking very quickly. And it is free. To be able to work on your Dial-Up, the music quality is of course not quite as good as from a just bought DVD, but plenty good enough for background, while you are working. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Healthy Banana Cookies (Gluten Free) Don't pitch out those overripe bananas, make some cookies! When freshly baked, these cookies are crispy on the outside and gummy on the inside. When stored in a container, they lose some of the crispness but are still yummy. They are gluten free, healthy, low in sugar and have no added fat. I figured that each cookie has approximately 52 calories. Approximate Time: less than an hour Yield: 9 two inch cookies Ingredients: 1 ripe banana 1 cup crushed Rice Chex 1/3 cup raisins Steps: Preheat oven 350 degrees F. I used my toaster oven. Place banana on a plate and mash it with a fork until mushy. Place Rice Chex in a bowl and crush them with your hands. It takes almost 2 cups to make 1 cup of crushed. Cut each raisin in half (optional). Stir Rice Chex, banana and raisins in a medium mixing bowl until mixed well. Place foil on a small baking sheet and spray it with Pam. Make 9 balls and place them on the foil. Press each ball down until it is cookie shaped. Bake 20 minutes at 350 degrees F or until browned. Remove from pan and cool on a rack. Source: I have seen several versions of this type cookie using oatmeal. I decided to try Rice Chex and found that it has a different taste and different texture. By Litter Gitter [118] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache, - and no horns." _____________________________________________________ A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is mass out?" "Nope," the man replied, yer ass is fine, but yer hat's on crooked." ____________________________________________________
This guy is ambidextrous!

Today in 
1607 Jamestown, Virginia, was settled as a colony of England. 
1779 The War of Bavarian Succession ended. 
1787 Captain Arthur Phillip left Britain for Australia. He 
 successfully landed eleven ships full of convicts on January 18, 
 1788, at Botany Bay. The group moved north eight days later 
 and settled at Port Jackson. 
1821 The first practical printing press was patented in the 
 U.S. by Samuel Rust. 
1846 The U.S. declared that war existed with Mexico. 
1861 Britain declared its neutrality in American Civil War. 
1865 The last land engagement of the American Civil War was 
 fought at the Battle of Palmito Ranch in far south Texas, 
 more than a month after Gen. Lee's surrender at Appomattox, VA. 
1873 Ludwig M. Wolf patented the sewing machine lamp holder. 
1880 Thomas Edison tested his experimental electric railway 
 in Menlo Park. 
1888 Slavery was abolished in Brazil. 
1913 Igor Sikorsky flew the first four engine aircraft. 
1917 Near Fatima, Portugal, three peasant children reported 
 seeing a vision of the Virgin Mary. 
1927 "Black Friday" occurred in Germany. 
1949 The first gas turbine to pump natural gas was installed 
 in Wilmar, AR. 
1954 U.S. President Eisenhower signed into law the St. Lawrence 
 Seaway Development Act. 
1958 French troops took control of Algiers. 
1958 U.S. Vice President Nixon's limousine was battered by rocks 
 thrown by anti-U.S. demonstrators in Caracas, Venezuela. 
1975 Hailstones the size of tennis balls hit Wenerville, TN. 
1985 A confrontation between Philadelphia authorities and the 
 radical group MOVE ended as police dropped an explosive onto 
 the group's headquarters. Eleven people died in the fire that 
 resulted. 
1998 India did a second round of nuclear tests. The first round 
 had been done 2 days earlier. Within hours the U.S. and Japan 
 imposed tough economic sanctions. India claimed that the tests 
 were necessary to maintain India's national security. 
1999 In Moscow, the impeachment of Russian President Boris 
 Yeltsin began. 
2003 The U.S. government unveiled a newly designed version of the 
 $20 bill. It was the first to be colorized in an effort to stop 
 counterfeiters. 
2015  smiled.


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Kudos for Thunderbird 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, May 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida Woman Fakes Bomb Threat 
In Hopes Of Getting A Ride
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. --- Art Spander ______________________________________________________ A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old farm house with a large spread of woods behind it. One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said "Yes, sure, but would you do me a favor? The ol' bull in the corall there beside the house is on his last legs and I know he is sufferin', would you kindly put him down for me? I don' have the heart to." As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and said "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his property!" and shot the old bull. After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and another one, and one of the other hunters proclaim, "Yea, we'll show him... I got the cow and the calf, too!" ______________________________________________________ Linda went into the local bookstore and saw this big display with a sign saying "Newly Translated from the Original French: 37 Mating Positions." Noticing the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, she just had to buy one. Once safely at home, she opened it and found that she had just purchased a very expensive book about chess. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Phantom F4
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Lee Bembow, 44, Escambia, Florida
Florida Woman Fakes Bomb Threat In Hopes Of Getting A Ride She's accused of calling in a bomb threat to get a free ride, and she got one -- straight to jail. It's an unusual method Patricia Lee Bembow allegedly used Monday to get picked up from a Raceway gas station in Pensacola, Florida. Bembow called a U.S. Navy recruiting station at around 8:45 a.m. and asked if she had reached "the government," according to the Pensacola News Journal. She had -- the man who answered was First Class Petty Officer Charles Brockett. She then allegedly told him there was a bomb at an undisclosed location, according to NorthEscambia.com. Bembow demanded that someone come pick her up at the gas station or else, "(Expletive) was gonna go down," the Pensacola News Journal reported. Bembow also reportedly gave her real name, according to the police report. Brockett informed his superiors, who contacted the Escambia County Sheriff's Office, according to GulfLive.com. Deputies picked up Bembow at the gas station, but chose to drive her to the Escambia County Jail rather than her preferred destination. The suspect was charged with a felony bomb threat and remains in the Escambia County Jail with bond set at $5,000, WEAR TV reports.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gyppo Re: Thunderbird is OK Dear Webby, Just to second your recommendation of Thunderbird. I switched to it when I changed from XP to Win 7 a while back. I had to contact my ISP to find out which ports to use, as it wasn't one they routinely supported. But apart from that it worked straight out of the box. I like my email fairly 'bare bones' so it suits me fine. Been using it for about a year now without nasty surprises, and it imported all the files from Outlook Express which I wanted to save. Took a long time, because there were lots of them, but it did it with no hang-ups. Like OE it seems to appreciate it if you don't let your inbox get too large. When it prompts you to compress folders just do it, it doesn't take long. Gyppo/John Dear Gyppo "Compressing folders" is just what used to be called "Compact Mailboxes" in Eudora. Windows allocates extra space to each file, in case of editing requiring space. That is great if you are composing a novel, but received email is never going to be edited. The most you'll do is add a flag or label. So Thunderbird, like the Eudora code underneath, stomps the file space allocations down to actually used numbers of bytes. At the same time the files get re-indexed to make searches faster. Currently there are about 30 Million active Thunderbird users, a number that is expected to triple in the near future because of new machines being shipped with W8.1 and / or W10 pre-installed at the factory. Guess who controls those factories in China? If Windows Live Mail does indeed get fixed for W10 and be brought up to be compatible with the International Open Standard, that prediction might change slightly, but probably not by much. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic? A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5. A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 -- but that is just not good enough for her. (or him) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Snack Containers I love the little plastic containers that our son's baby food comes in. They have so many uses. I like to reuse them for his snacks, such as goldfish crackers and sandwich crackers. The lids snaps on securely and they fit easily into my purse. :) By lalala. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Harv had 9 children, and the Emergency room was a regular place to go at least once a month with one of them. Well one day she took one of her sons and there was a long wait for service. They were very busy; when they finally started calling people, the first four people they called had already gotten better and left! _____________________________________________________ The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza." ____________________________________________________
Brave soldiers and an old plane.

Today in 
1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise 
 triumphantly entered the city. 
1847 William Clayton invented the odometer. 
1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a 
 Canadian province. 
1881 Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate. 
1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled 
 against the Canadian government. 
1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over 
 the North Pole. 
1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey. 
1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army 
 crossing Muese River. 
1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive 
 of World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine 
 from the German army. 
1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during 
 World War II. 
1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin 
 Blockade. 
1965 West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing 
 diplomatic relations. 
1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian 
 forces in international waters. 
1978 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration 
 announced that they would no longer exclusively name 
 hurricanes after women. 
1982 South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting 
 rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but 
 not to blacks. 
1984 South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife 
 for the first time in 22 years. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin dismissed Prime 
 Minister Yevgeny Primakov and named Interior Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin as his successor. 
2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a 
 visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. 
 head of state, in or out of office, had gone to the 
 island since Castro's 1959 revolution. 
2003 In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into 
 hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a congressional 
 redistricting plan. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows 8 not Open Standards Compatible 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, May 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Waffle House Masturbator
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?" ______________________________________________________ Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss ------------------------------------- Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 39-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Guam
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emanuel Williams, 36, Macon Georgia
Police Hunting Waffle House Masturbator A Waffle House employee who was videotaped by a fellow worker masturbating inside the open Georgia restaurant is being sought by police on an arrest warrant charging him with public indecency, cops report. Emanuel Williams, 36, is wanted in connection with the incident Monday afternoon in the dining room of a Waffle House in Macon, according to police. Williams, pictured above, is on the Bibb County sex offenders list due to a 1999 rape conviction for which the convicted felon served nearly a decade in state prison. Investigators who watched the video reported that it “clearly” shows Williams masturbating and “has a shot of his penis.” While pleasuring himself, Williams was “sitting at a booth facing a window,” according to a Bibb County Sheriff's Office report. As detailed in a second police report, Williams and a female coworker were the only employees in the eatery Monday when Williams announced that he was preparing to pleasure himself. The woman, who said she was on the phone at the time, told deputies that she did not take Williams seriously. Upon finishing her call, the woman “walked over to the suspect to see if he really was jacking his penis, and he was,” an investigator reported. The woman said that she began recording Williams with her phone because she “knew no one would believe her” when she later recounted the incident. “She stated that as she was recording him, she was telling him the whole time that she was recording him and that he was a pervert,” a deputy noted. “She stated that he responded by saying he wasn't a pervert he was just a freak." The coworker told investigators that when she told Williams that he should not be surprised if the video began circulating, he “stated that he didn’t care.” The woman said that Williams “continued on until he masturbated,” adding that she “told him she hopes he washes his hands.” The video of Williams subsequently was uploaded to Facebook and provided to a local TV news station. Williams was fired immediately after Waffle House corporate officials learned of the video. The restaurant worker told deputies that she decided to formally report the incident after she began receiving threatening Facebook messages from Williams and his girlfriend. The woman said that she was afraid to return to the Waffle House because “she thinks they are going to come to her job and fight her.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Live Mail not accepting Open Office documents Dear Webby, here is an update concerning sending a file as an attachment with an email from Open Office in Windows 8.1 All your suggestions unfortunately didn't work. It apparently ain't possible. Two technicians at the Geek Squad spent over an hour trying to make it happen but concluded that there is no email compatibility between 8.1 and Open Office. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter, I don't have W8 or 8.1. It was Microsoft who claimed that 8.1 works. Now they claim that version 10 might work. The concept for Windows Live Mail was actually quite good, but the implementation obviously is not. You can try calling Microsoft Support, but make sure you use Skype! Otherwise they will waste your time until your phone battery dies. And use a headset. They do. I wouldn't bet on them being helpful or useful, but it would be good to know what excuse they have against Open Standards. If they admit that 8.1 is not Open Standard compliant and does not work, demand version 7 DVD. If they fail to supply one, you can still by Version 7 DVDs at Tiger, NewEgg and Futureshop. The alternative to all that is to install Thunderbird. It is built on the source code of Eudora. It doesn't come with all the goods of Eudora built in, you have to install everything above bare bones funtionality as add-ons. Since you probably never use most of them anyway, that makes the program smaller and faster. Just like Eudora was the standard from 1990 to 2014, when Qualcom killed it, Thunderbird is now taking it's place. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A New York woman was at her hairdresser's on Park Avenue getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome with her boyfriend. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left bank called Tes ... " "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this wacky trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to First Class. The food was wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really? What'd he say?" He said, "Where did you get that sorry hairdoo?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. By Verity Pink [27] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit giving me nickles!" _____________________________________________________ A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics, they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday nights, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said: You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic. And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling pepper on the beef steak saying: You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are fish. --------- Yes, I know, the Catholics gave up on that no-red-meat-on Fridays, and the next pope might be a woman, maybe even one, who is married to another woman. They are going to hang on to Easter Sunday though, for the time being. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful, odd, strange and lovely trees.

Today in 
0330 Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. 
1573 Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 
1647 Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor. 
1689 French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay. 
1745 French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at 
 Fontenoy. 
1792 The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray. 
1857 Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British. 
1889 Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 
 in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the 
 Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery. 
1894 Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois 
 went on strike. 
1910 Glacier National Park in Montana was established. 
1927 The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was founded. 
1934 A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from 
 the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The 
 storm was one of many. 
1944 A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in 
 central Italy. 
1947 The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the 
 B.F. Goodrich Company. 
1949 Siam changed its name to Thailand. 
1960 Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires. 
1985 More than 50 people died when a flash fire swept a 
 soccer stadium in Bradford, England. 
1995 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended 
 indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear 
 material for military purposes. 
1996 An Atlanta-bound ValuJet DC-9 caught fire shortly after 
 takeoff from Miami and crashed into the Florida Everglades. 
 All 110 people on board were killed. 
1997 Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first 
 ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer 
 Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a 
 world-champion player. 
1998 India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, 
 in 24 years, three of them. The tests were in violation of 
 a global ban on nuclear testing. 
1998 A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's 
 single currency. The coin is known as the euro. 
2015  smiled.


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Chrome jumps to full screen 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, May 10
Happy Mother's Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Convicted felon nabbed for loaded firearm on back seat
Details at Boneheads

Today in
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed 
 all tea in the U.S. colonies and severely annoyed them. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) ______________________________________________________ A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a *tiger*??" ______________________________________________________ Five tourists travelling across Europe in an Audi Quattro arrive at a french border crossing. The Customs agent stops them and says, "It's illegal to put five people in a Quattro." "What do you mean it's illegal?" asks one of the tourists. "Quattro means four," replies the border official. "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the tourist retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." "You can't pull that one on me," replies the Customs agent. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law." The tourist replies angrily, "You Goof! Call your supervisor over-I want to speak to someone with some intelligence!" "Sorry," responds the official, "he can't come. He's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Sailboats in Panama City, Florida at sunset. Taken on a Samsung Galaxy 5 by Luke Swims
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Vanderstek, 35, Flippin, Arkansas
Convicted felon nabbed for firearm Andrea Vanderstek, 35, of Flippin, was arrested and charged with felony possession of a firearm by certain persons on Wednesday night. The arrest stems from a traffic stop by the Flippin Police Department. According to Police Chief Dusty Smith, officers stopped Vaderstek for traffic violations and located a loaded assault rifle in the back seat of her vehicle. Vanderstek is a convicted felon and prohibited from possessing a firearm. Vanderstek was arrested without incident and transported to the Marion County Sheriff's Office. She was released on $5,000 bond, but according to Smith, Vanderstek is expected to face additional charges for probation violations. Her most recent mug-shot before this one was Sept 21, 2014.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kayla Re: Chrome goes Full screen Dear Webby, Every now and then my Chrome goes Full Screen. Then I can't get it back to my usual window size. I use two monitors, and have Chrome usually on about half of the second monitor. Is that a problem? Thaks Kayla Dear Kayla Just hit F11, and the window jumps back to where it was before going Full Screen. Using two monitors is not a problem at all. Accidentally hitting F11 is what causes it to jump to Full Screen. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I have been asked for more church bulletin board Ooopses. Most of these I have printed before at various times, but here is a batch that you can take to church today: *Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford" *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather. *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess *We pray that our people will jumble themselves. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. By Verity Pink [27] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains." _____________________________________________________ The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce." ____________________________________________________
Some really awesome photos of the 2015 photo contest.

Today in 
1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands. 
1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against 
 the government, began. 
1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed 
 all tea in the U.S. colonies and severely annoyed them. 
1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. 
1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack 
 on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from the 
 British. 
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against 
 the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy. 
1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers 
 to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced 
 in Missouri. 
1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army. 
1865 Confederate President Jefferson Davis was captured by 
 Union troops near Irvinville, GA. 
1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in 
 Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the 
 celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. 
1876 Richard Wagner’s "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard 
 for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, PA. 
1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost 
 $5,000 for a permit. 
1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a 
 church service in Grafton, West Virginia. 
1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the 
 Federal Bureau of Investigation. 
1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel 
 to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms. 
1933 The Nazis staged massive public book burnings in Germany. 
1940 Germany invaded Belgium, France, the Netherlands, and 
 Luxembourg, all in one day.
1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German air raid. 
1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into 
 Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. England 
 didn't want peace and jailed him for 40 years.
1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender to 
 the Japanese. 
1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands to 
 expel the Japanese. 
1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation 
 of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16. 
1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris. 
1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon 
 announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage. 
1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 
 2,400 people. 
1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S.
 in response to NATO's "accidental" bombing of the Chinese 
 Embassy in Yugoslavia. 
2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, 
 due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire had 
 been deliberately set to clear brush. 
2001 Boeing Co. announced that it would be moving its 
 headquarters to Chicago, IL. 
2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede at 
 a soccer game. 
2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with 
 no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. 
 secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds. 
2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II 
 surface-to-air missile for the first time. They also fired 
 three U.S.-made Hawk missiles. 
2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a new 
 flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years. 
2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to 
 purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion. 
2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces 
 of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called the 
Freedom Tower). 
     2015  smiled.


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