Alarm timer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Noella just told me that she has so far sent 582 video links.
Thanks, Noella!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Beloved pet killed after Alabama man shoots 
into neighbor's apartment
Today, June 29 in
1894 Korea declared independence from China and 
asked for Japanese aid. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is a long lesson in humility. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dianne sent me her favorite elephant stew recipe: Dianne's Homemade Elephant Stew 1 elephant (med. size) 2 rabbits (optional) 300 Bay Leaves salt and pepper to taste water (lots of it) kerosene Cut elephant into bite size pieces. Add enough water to cover. Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer over kerosene fire about 4 days. or until tender. Serves 3,800 people. NOTE: If more people come than expected, the 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary, because most people don't like hare in their stew. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise and had a pretty woman's face painted on top of hers, so that you would not see how scarey she really is. " ______________________________________________________ Lake Louise, Alberta _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Grant Sides, 25, Birmingham, Alabama Beloved pet killed after Alabama man shoots into neighbor's apartment A Birmingham man is jailed after he reportedly opened fire inside his Highland Park apartment, killing his own dog and a dog who was asleep on the bed in the adjacent apartment. Grant Randall Sides, 25, was sought on felony warrants for a shooting complaint and two counts of aggravated cruelty to animals, according to a Crime Stoppers bulletin. Birmingham police investigated the incident, and felony warrants were obtained against him on Friday. Sides was undergoing booking at the Jefferson County Jail at 4 p.m. Monday. His bond is set at $30,000. The shooting happened about 3:30 p.m. Friday, May 26, at an apartment complex on 22nd Street South. Brandon Watkins said he was at work when his landlord called him saying his neighbor Sides had fired shots and they believe some of those bullets had entered Watkins' home. Watkins has one dog of his own, and was keeping his brother's two dogs while he and his family were out of town on vacation. He rushed home to find crime scene tape surrounding the complex. "When I got there, they let me know he had shot his dog and had shot rounds in my apartment,'' he said. "One of my brother's dogs was hit and killed." Two of the pets in Watkins' apartment were in kennels. The third 12-year-old Walter was asleep on Watkins' bed. The shooting happened in Sides' kitchen, which shares a wall with Watkins' bedroom, and the bullet bore through his pillow. At least six shots bore through his wall. "If it had been later in the night, he would have killed me," Watkins said. "Walter was on my pillow where I sleep." Neighbors told Watkins that after Sides fired the shots, he ran out of the apartment yelling that he killed someone and fled the scene. He was arrested moments later when he crashed his vehicle on Highland Avenue, but apparently made bond pending the ongoing investigation. "It's been kind of crazy," Watkins said. "It's all been a blur." Watkins said he had to call and break the news to his brother, who turned around and headed back to Birmingham. "My niece is really upset,'' he said. "She's 9 and Walter was 12 so that's all she's ever known." He said there's still blood on his carpet from where Walter collapsed after getting shot. His own dog, Lennie, is still suffering from the ordeal. "He's traumatized,'' he said. "He won't go back there." Walter's owner, Colby Watkins, said the whole thing is a sad and avoidable situation. "My friends and family are heartbroken over the loss of Walter, but it pales in comparison to the disgust and and anger about this guy killing his own dog in his own kitchen, and the blatant disregard for those around him by firing his gun indiscriminately into other people's homes,'' he said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: Alarm timer Dear Webby, Once again I need your expertise. Could you please recommend a good Desk Top Timer? One that doesn't put a lot of other junk on the computer. Thanks in advance for you expert help. Dani Dear Dani I use Alarm.exe since about 1997 It is at However, that site often requires a lot of patience. That site is way overloaded and sometimes difficult. If you have trouble getting Alarm.Exe from there, let me know and I will send you a copy of mine. I don't send attachments uninvited. Or you can download it from my Tools page at Just scroll way down to where you see a screen shot of it. It is old-fashioned FREEware. No payload or bullshit attached, just a plain and simple alarm clock. You set the time, and when the time comes, it pops up and makes a racket. You can leave it at it's default siren, or select any sounds that you have. You can even set it to start a program or if you have a USB powered relay, you can set it to start the pump or valve for watering the garden. You can set it to repeat, like I got mine set to go off every day at a quarter to noon, because my dad comes onto Skype video at noon. That's it. No ads, no browser redirect or search redirect, absolutely nothing on the side. Just a reliable little alarm. It folds away into an icon in the right bottom ^ (More) link until it goes off. Then it pops up, shows the time and makes a racket. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Separate Spatulas When Washing While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up. ____________________________________________________
The Teenage Hussy
____________________________________________________ "Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill." ___________________________________________________
How to keep flies out of your house this summer.
___________________________________________________ A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said " Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Eda Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes. The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc., etc. Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through hair and you only see ONE eye . . . you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."

Today, on June 30, in
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 

1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 

1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara
Falls on a tightrope. 

1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for
Japanese aid. 

1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40-
mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. 

1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal

1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Spain.
It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 

1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when
the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 

1921 U.S. President Warren G. Harding appointed former
President William Howard Taft chief justice of the United

1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the
British deputy for Northern Ireland. 

1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland. 

1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA
and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives."

1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when
Haile Selassie of Ethiopia speaks. 

1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind," was

1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea
and authorizes the draft. 

1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway
broadcasts that the United Nations was willing to discuss an
armistice with North Korea. 

1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line
in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 

1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament as a
first line buffer against the Soviet Union. 

1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was

1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission
of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 

1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's
independence from Belgium). 

1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year
effort to bring stability to the country. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government could not
prevent the Washington Post or the New York Times from
publishing the Pentagon Papers. 

1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The
three cosmonauts were found dead inside. The capsule sprung a
leak when it re-entered the atmosphere.

1974 Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov defected in
Toronto, Canada. 

1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to
the B-1 bomber. 

1984 The longest professional football game took place in the
United States Football League (USFL). The Los Angeles Express
beat the Michigan Panthers 27-21 after 93 minutes and 33

1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600
performances in "The King and I." 

1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw
homosexual acts between consenting adults. 

1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding
of the 1994 national championship and banned her from the
organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. 

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give
the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a
signature in pen and ink. 

2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's
orbit. The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 

2017  smiled.

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Lightning protection for DSL 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 29

Thank you, Moe!!!
Thank you, Allene!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:

Today, June 29 in
1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy (1940 - ) I won't take my religion from any man who never works xcept with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke. --- Hemingway ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Diana for this story: I had just moved into a new apartment and was having prob- lems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant's mail to my address. Hoping to resolve the situation, I enlarged my name on the mailbox, but he still kept giving me the wrong letters. Finally, I left a note saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly. The next day I went to the box to find this addition to my message: "Sir, I am delivering the mail correctly. You're just living at the wrong address." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jo Requillas Bagadiong from "We Love Lighthouses" Oryukdo Lighthouse in South Korea _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Shae Johnson, 22, Orlando, Florida TSA worker caught stealing cash from bag at Orlando airport Most of us have had valuables stolen by TSA employees, and of course they always stick together and deny it. Here finally one got caught. Let's hope he gets a judge, from whom TSA employees have stolen a camera or other valuables. A Transportation Security Administration employee has been arrested after video showed him stealing cash at a Florida airport. The Orlando Sentinel reports 22-year-old Alexander Shae Johnson was arrested on Thursday and records say he faces a third- degree felony grand theft charge. A passenger selected for a pat-down search while going through security at Orlando International Airport saw Johnson standing near her bag. Orlando police say she went through her bag afterward and realized cash was missing before noticing a bulge in Johnson's shirt pocket that turned out to be money. Johnson was arrested despite saying the cash was his, as video showed otherwise. The TSA said in a statement that Johnson was fired. Johnson was released on bail from the Orange County jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glen Re: Lightning protection for DSL Dear Webby, We are moving to a hilltop and are going to be hit with lightning proabbly as often as the previous owner. I am isolating the power with an electric motor driven generator, so I am not worried about power, just data. What do you recommend to use for lightning protection for the phone and DSL line? Glen Dear Glen Hyperlink Tech makes heavy industrial grade phone line lightning protectors That will take care of lightning strikes onto phone towers and phone lines. However, I would also add active lightning strike prevention to the building. First, get perfect grounding through metal water and gas lines, plus ground rods. Then put lightning brushes or fans (bundles of sharpened metal rods) every two feet on your roof top. Connect them to ground. They ionize the air and repell and divert lightning. Next put up a metal ham radio tower or any similar metal tower six to 12 feet from the house and 50% higher than the house. Ground that to a separate ground rod system that is not directly connected to the house grounding system. If you set it up like that, even if lightning is headed for your house, it will zig-zag over to the tower and leave the house alone. Have FUN! DearWebby
Dining out one evening I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table. When one girl pulled out a camera, I offered to take a picture of the group. After one photo I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't turn out. "That's ok," she said as she took her camera back. "I always get double prints."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Separate Spatulas When Washing By likekinds If you have spatulas with removable tips, It's best to separate them from the handles before washing. When washing the spatulas, water can get in the handle slot and remain there for a long time. This makes a good breeding ground for germs. ____________________________________________________
Dog is jealous of RoRo's "lovies"
____________________________________________________ My friend David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice. ___________________________________________________
I've eaten this before, it's good, and we have plenty growing all over our farm.
Thanks to Kati for this story: To preface this joke: They started "Dumb Blonde jokes" so brunettes & redheads could understand them. I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A History professor was explaining how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "Take Miss America in 1855," he noted. "She stood 5'1" tall, weighed 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-36. How do you think she'd do in today's beauty contest?" "One student piped up, "Not very well! She'd be way too old!"

Today, on June 29, in
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 

1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth.

1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue
Acts. The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint,
paper and tea shipped to America. 

1776 The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick Henry
was made governor. 

1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark
Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of
members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty.
Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 

1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minot’s
Ledge, MA. 

1880 France annexed Tahiti. 

1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first
appendectomy in England. 

1903 The British government officially protested Belgian
atrocities in the Congo. 

1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports all
over the country. Many ships were looted. 

1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 

1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb. 

1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in an
economic efficiency measure. 

1932 Siam’s army seized Bangkok and announced an end to the
absolute monarchy. 

1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in
Palestine in an attempt to end terrorism. 

1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade
of Korea. 

1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean
peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 

1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of
42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast. 

1954 The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating Dr.
J. Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified information. 

1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down
anti-Communist demonstrations. 

1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North
Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 

1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could
constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling prompted
states to revise their capital punishment laws. 

1982 Israel invaded Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh’s "Le Pont de Trinquetaille" was bought
for $20.4 million at an auction in London, England. 

1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir
docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit
the Earth. 

2007 The first generation Apple iPhone went on sale. 

2011 The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted
the operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law went
into effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the use of the
cars to the general public. Google received the first self-
driving vehicle license in the U.S. on May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 

2017  smiled.

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Defrag how often? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 28

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman charged in stabbing death of 
4-year-old daughter
Today, June 28 in
1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the
Austro-Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along
with his wife, Duchess Sophie. When Austria sent troops there,
England decided to start WWI.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Mustard's no good without roast beef. --- Chico Marx (1891 - 1961) Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Margaret was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!" yelled Margaret! "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Ellen After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins. "Isn't that thoughtful," my husband said to me. "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff." The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Laquita Lewis, 34, Houston, Texas Woman charged in stabbing death of 4-year-old daughter Officials say a woman has been charged with capital murder in the stabbing death of her 4-year-old daughter at a Houston apartment complex. Deputy Thomas Gilliland of the Harris County Sheriff's Office says 34-year-old Laquita Lewis texted family members Sunday, telling them she had hurt her child and apologizing. Gilliland says Lewis texted from the hospital, where she had been taken after being injured in a traffic accident. The relatives contacted the sheriff's office. When deputies arrived, they found Fredricka Allen dead at the apartment around 9 p.m. Authorities believe the girl was stabbed to death earlier in the day, reports CBS affiliate KHOU. Police say Lewis stabbed the girl multiple times in the chest and left her on the floor of the master bedroom, the station reports. Lewis is being held in the Harris County jail Monday. Jail records do not list an attorney to speak for her. Gilliland says deputies haven't determined why Lewis killed her daughter, though they believe she got into a fight with her boyfriend earlier Sunday. "There's not enough words to describe the horrible death of this child," Gilliland told KHOU. BLM ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trevor Re: Big drive defragging Dear Webby, we got a new computer in the office with a 2 TB hard drive. How often should that drive be defragged? I'm afraid it will take a whole shift to do that. Trevor Dear Trevor Partition that drive. Either do it yourself, get a program like Partition-magic, or pay somebody to do it. Make one small 20 - 30 GB partition for Windows and the software, and use the rest for storing stuff. I imagine the reason for the huge drive is to store incoming faxes. If those are just viewed and printed but not annotated or edited, then they don't change in size and rarely need defragging. That way you can just quickly defrag the small partition where Windows keeps changing things. That should only take a few minutes. Then you can defrag the big partition over night. Have FUN! DearWebby
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Pet ID tags Make sure all of your pets have an ID tag with your current contact information on it. The chances of getting a lost pet back are much greater if your pet has a tag with your current phone number on it. You get can get inexpensive pet tags made at all pet store chains. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Romancing the Wind
____________________________________________________ Any CEO caught using corporate funds for his own personal gains should be charged with impersonating a politician. ___________________________________________________
Why Knights fought snails in the margins of medieval books.
An editor at CNN was busy slaving away at spicing up the copy that came in from reporters, so that there was adequate blood and gore to attract viewers, and enough anti government slant to satisfy Soros, Hillary and the union, when a suit walked in and threw a folder on his desk with the remark: "Today, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident." "Oh no!" exclaimed the editor, "that's terrible!" People at nearby desks sat stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the editor sat, head in hands. Finally, the editor looked up and asked, "How many is a Brazillion?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ For Air Defense artillerymen, the Annual Service Practice is an important event as it's the only time they're permitted to fire live missiles. It draws not only the inspectors, but also several dignitaries. As the safety officer during one such event, I was in the control tower along with our executive officer. The exec was explaining the day's activities by the public-address system to visitors who were in a safe viewing area. Suddenly, on the firing line, a soldier lit up a cigarette. Before I can react, the exec grabbed the microphone and screamed: "PUT OUT THAT F@#$%& CIGARETTE!" Two generals, a Congressman, and the local mayor obediently responded.

Today, on June 28, in
1635 The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in the

1675 Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes. 

1709 The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the
Battle of Poltava. 

1776 American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on
Charleston, SC. 

1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an American
artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during the Battle
of Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's place at his
gun after he was overcome with heat. 

1894 The U.S. Congress made Labor Day a U.S. national holiday.

1902 The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it authorized
a canal to be built across the isthmus of Panama. 

1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the
Austro-Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along
with his wife, Duchess Sophie. When Austria sent troops there,
England decided to start WWI.

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War I
exactly five years after it began. The treaty also established
the League of Nations. 

1921 A coal strike in Great Britain was settled after three

1930 More than 1,000 communists were routed during an assault
on the British consulate in London. 

1939 Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic
passenger service. 

1942 German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet oil
fields in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of
Japanese resistance in the Philippines. 

1949 The last U.S. combat troops were called home from Korea,
leaving only 500 advisers. 

1950 North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 

1954 French troops began to pull out of Vietnam’s Tonkin

1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil
refineries without compensation. 

1964 Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American
Unity to seek independence for blacks in the Western

1965 The first commercial satellite began communications
service. It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 

1967 Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under its
sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector in the
June 1967 war.

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion
conviction of Muhammad Ali. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees would
be sent to Vietnam. 

1976 The first women entered the U.S. Air Force Academy. 

1978 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at the
University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke. Bakke,
a white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse racial

1996 The Citadel voted to admit women, ending a 153-year-old
men-only policy at the South Carolina military school. 

1997 Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight
title fight in Las Vegas, NV. 

1998 Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to lease
U.S. aircraft to bring military force up to NATO standards. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that a Nebraska law that
outlawed "partial birth abortions" was unconstitutional. About
30 U.S. states had similar laws at the time of the ruling. 

2001 The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia
Circuit set aside an order that would break up Microsoft for
antitrust violations. However, the judges did agree that the
company was in violation of antitrust laws. 

2004 The U.S. turned over official sovereignty to Iraq's
interim leadership. The event took place two days earlier than
previously announced to thwart insurgents' attempts at
undermining the transfer. 

2004 The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a 24-
year break. 

2004 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants could
challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 

2005 The final design for the "Freedom Tower" (One World Trade
Center) was formally unveiled. 

2007 The American bald eagle was removed from the endangered
species list. 

2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the
right to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 27

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Robber falls on head off van roof after tasered at 
end of police chase, now faces felony charges
Today, June 27 in
1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at 
Obninsk, near Moscow. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. --- Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005) My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their soup, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the wine had been enjoyed more than anticipated and a lot earlier than planned. So she jumped in the car and raced to the liquor store to get more and was in such a hurry on the way back that when she drove over the edge of the curb at the entrance or something near it, that she didn't even take the time to check what it was. Just before the maid was supposed to serve the main course, the maid again called the hostess to the kitchen. This time she told her that some time in the afternoon the cat had must have climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen again, and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the driveway, where you ran over it on the way back from the liquor store." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Jeff went to the eye doctor. The receptionist asked him why he is there. Jeff complained, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jameson McCarthy, Greenwood, Indiana Robber falls on head off van roof after tasered at end of police chase, now faces felony charges An armed robbery suspect fell off the top of a stolen van after police struck him with a Taser. Police were first called to the Greenwood Discount Tobacco store at U.S. 31 and Fry Rd., just south of the Greenwood Park Mall around 7:30 p.m. Thursday evening. A worker at the store said the business was robbed at gunpoint. Police said during the robbery, the clerk was pistol-whipped and the robbery suspect stole a customer's van. Police said they located the stolen van and chased it into the Whispering Trails neighborhood where the suspect drove through yards and almost hit other cars and houses. Police said the chase turned back onto Fry Road where the driver, later identified as Jameson McCarthy, revealed a gun to police. At the intersection of U.S. 31, the suspect hit another vehicle and then crashed into a pole. McCarthy then climbed out of the window and onto the roof of the van where he was confronted by police. Police shocked McCarthy with a Taser which resulted in a head- first fall off the van onto the ground below. McCarthy was treated at Eskenazi Hospital and was then taken to the Marion County jail on an unrelated charge. He was charged Friday in Johnson County on these new counts: 1. Robbery Resulting in Serious Bodily Injury Injury to someone other than a defendant 2. Robbery Taking property by force or threatening the use of force while armed 3. Criminal Confinement while armed with a deadly weapon 4. Unlawful Possession of a Firearm by Serious Violent Felon 5. Resisting Law Enforcement using a vehicle to commit the offense ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brad Re: File Types Dear Webby, I have a problem telling different files apart because I usually give them the same name if they belong to the same project. At one time they used to have different last names after the decimal point, but with the current version of Windows those are gone and I can't tell if a file is a picture or the text describing it. Help! Brad Dear Brad In Explorer click on TOOLS, FOLDER OPTIONS, VIEW and in there take the checkmark off "Hide extentions of known file types". Click on APPLY and OK. That will do the trick and show the extensions again. Have FUN! DearWebby
Steven confronted his boss and told him: "I think I deserve a raise. You know...there are three companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?" "Well...the electric company, the phone company, and the gas company."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Mini Raspberry Cheesecakes By lalala... [827 Posts, 105 Comments] Ingredients: For the crust: 1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs 4 Tbsp. butter, melted 3 Tbsp. sugar For the filling: 2 lbs. cream cheese, room temperature 4 large eggs, room temperature 1 1/2 cups sugar pinch of salt 1 tsp. vanilla extract For the raspberry swirl: 6 oz. fresh raspberries 2 tbsp. sugar OR: raspberry jam, heated Directions: Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line cupcake pans with paper liners. Place graham crackers in a large measuring cup and smash with your hand. (I put a baggie over my hand so that the crackers wouldn't poke me.) To ensure that all of the crumbs were small, I poured the crumbs into the baggie and smashed them more with the glass measuring cup. In a small bowl, combine the graham cracker crumbs, melted butter, and sugar. Using a fork, stir until well blended and all the dry ingredients are moistened. Put 1/2 Tbsp. of the mixture into each cupcake liner. Press firmly into the bottom. (I used a small medicine cup to evenly press the crumbs down.) Bake crusts for 5 minutes. Place on a cooling rack and allow to cool completely. To make the filling, place cream cheese in a bowl and beat on medium-high speed until fluffy. Add sugar and beat until smooth. Mix in the salt and vanilla. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Return the crusts to the muffin tin. Put 1 Tbsp. of filling into each muffin liner. To make puree filling: Combine raspberries and sugar in a blender or food processor. Process until smooth, then pour through a fine mesh sieve to remove the seeds. To use raspberry jam: Place approx. 1 cup of jam into a microwave-safe bowl and heat until runny. Drop 1/2 tsp. of warm jam into the center of each and using a toothpick swirl the jam into the filling. Bake 18 minutes, or until filling is set, rotating the pan halfway through baking. Check frequently at the end of the cook time and check with a toothpick. They will appear puffed up at first but will settle down as they cool. Transfer the cheesecakes to a wire cooling rack and let cool to room temperature. Transfer them to the refrigerator and chill for at least 4 hours before serving. This recipe makes A LOT of mini cheesecakes. You can freeze them and defrost to serve. Or you can make some minis and a batch of full-sized cupcake ones too (that's what I did!). To make cupcake sized cheesecakes: Prepare the crust mixture and cheesecake mixture using the same instructions as above. Use 1 Tbsp. crust mixture for each crust. Use 3 Tbsp. cheesecake filling per cheesecake. Use 1 1/2 tsp. jam (dropped in 3 spots) for each cheesecake. Bake for 32 minutes, or until filling is set, rotating pan halfway through. Check frequently at the end of cook time and check with a toothpick. Servings:approx. 96 minis, 32 full-size Prep Time:20 Minutes Cooking Time:approx. 18 Minutes By Laurel from Port Orchard, WA ____________________________________________________
Building a cedar strip canoe by hand
____________________________________________________ One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five." ___________________________________________________
Why Knights fought snails in the margins of medieval books.
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What the little girl said instead was: "Watch out, here comes another one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The Miracle Toddler Diet People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

Today, on June 27, in
0363 The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the
Pagan Revival. 

1693 "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton in
London. It was the first women's magazine and contained a
"question and answer" column that became known as a "problem

1743 King George II of England defeated the French at
Dettingen, Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 

1787 Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the
Roman Empire." It was published the following May. 

1801 British forces defeated the French and took control of
Cairo, Egypt. 

1847 New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 

1871 The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 

1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a
patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 

1893 The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the year
600 banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 

1905 The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the
Black Sea. 

1918 Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the first

1923 Yugoslav Premier Nikola Pachitch was wounded by Serb
attackers in Belgrade. 

1927 The U.S. Marines adopted the English bulldog as their

1929 Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed a
system for transmitting television pictures. 

1931 Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which marked a
breakthrough in helicopter technology. 

1940 Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril MacBryde
and Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at 8' 11.1."
He was only 22 at the time of his death on July 15, 1940. 

1942 The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi saboteurs who
had been put ashore from a submarine on New York's Long

1944 During World War II, American forces completed their
capture of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 

1949 "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on the
Dumont Television Network. 

1950 Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S.
President Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the
Korean conflict. The United Nations Security Council had asked
for member nations to help South Korea repel an invasion from
the North. 

1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk,
near Moscow. 

1955 The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile seat
belt legislation. 

1964 Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman were married. It only
lasted 38 days. 

1967 The world's first cash dispenser was installed at
Barclays Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented by
John Sheppard-Barron. The machine operated on a voucher system
and the maximum withdrawal was $28. 

1967 Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot in
Buffalo, NY. 

1969 Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York
City's Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This incident
is considered to be the birth of the homosexual rights

1972 Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for
$2,500,000. He became a player and coach of the Winnipeg Jets
of the World Hockey Association. 

1973 Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 

1980 U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving draft

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual colleges
could make their own TV package deals. 

1985 Route 66 was officially removed from the United States
Highway System. 

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the use
of combat troops in Nicaragua. 

1986 The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken
international law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 

1995 Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani
ousted his father in a bloodless palace coup. 

1998 An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's
sperm after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm.

2002 In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission
required companies with annual sales of more than $1.2 billion
to submit sworn statements backing up the accuracy of their
financial reports. 

2005 In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-million
year old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a
three-toed Cretaceous period dinosaur.

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 26

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for attacking and screaming at 
child who played 'keep away' with father's day card
Today, June 26 in
1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system. --- Dan Quayle (1947 ) Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. --- Elvis Costello (1954 ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line: 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency? Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance. (static in the phone line interrupts call) 911 operator: A what? Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car. 911 operator: Okay, where are you? Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street. (static in the phone line becomes worse) 911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static makes it hard to understand you. Man: I'm at Sycamore Street! (static still continues) 911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell where you're at. Man: All right., no that ain't right. S-i- I'll tell you what, I'll drag the dude over to Lee Street; you can pick him up there. ------------------ That reminds me of the quaint little town in Austria where I went to University. There was a Gasthaus on Gymnasium Alley that was packed full of students every night, trading cheat sheets and exam notes, and drinking lots of beer. Quite frequently freshmen keeled over shortly after exiting into the fresh air on Gymnasium Alley and had an imprompty nap attack. The cops usually picked them up on their hourly rounds, but according to the paper, every single one of them always was reported as having been found sleeping on Burg Street. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to under- stand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual and weird clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date." ______________________________________________________ For all those of you, who did not find the cat in yesterday`s picture, here it is: Seljalandsfoss, Iceland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lance Churchill, 33, Shelton, Connecticut, Man arrested for attacking and screaming at child who played 'keep away' with father's day card A father is facing charges after he allegedly picked up a child at a day care center in Shelton, Connecticut, yelled at him and pinned him to the ground. Oh, and when officers arrived, the man demanded the 5-year-old be arrested, according to NBC Connecticut. Lance Churchill, 33, was arrested June 16 for the alleged incident, which started when a group of dads came to the Apple Tree Day Care for a Father’s Day celebration. All the children, including Churchill’s son, made cards for their fathers. Churchill was looking at the card when another kid at the center playfully grabbed the card out of his hands, according to Shelton Police. The child ran around the room while the 6-foot-4-inch, 270- pound suspect chased him. When Churchill finally caught up with the kid, he picked up the child and lifted him over his head, police said. Then he pinned the kid to the ground and screamed at him in front of the other children, according to the New Haven Register. Day care staff managed to rip the kid away from Churchill and called police. When police arrived, Churchill asked them to arrest the 5- year-old boy, according to the Shelton Herald. It’s probably not a spoiler alert to say that’s not how things played out. Instead, they arrested Churchill on charges of risk of injury to a minor and disorderly conduct. He was later released on a $1,500 bond and has a court date for June 30. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Connie Re: Electricity bill from leaving the computer on Dear Webby, Leaving your computer on all the time, what is the impact on the electric bill? Living on S.S., my budget is quite strict. I use a laptop, wireless mouse and keyboard, and a 15 inch LCD monitor. Connie Dear Connie I got it set to turn the monitor off after 5 minutes of inactivity, but keep the hard drives running forever. Be EXTREMELY careful with crap like Avira, that changes your power settings behind your back, and sabotages your hard drives by turning them off in the middle of a defrag. Whenever you use Avira or any of those supposed speed up or improvement programs, ALWAYS check your power settings to make sure they did not change them behind your back. A modern hard drive takes about the same amount of power as your phone charger. Don`t worry about it. That amounts to $1 - $2 a month. A trashed hard drive is a LOT more expensive. It is good to be concerned about the environment and not unnecessarily use coal produced power in areas, where the environmentalists prevent clean nuclear or wind power, but don`t get carried away. If you do want to save a total of maybe $5 a month, shut down properly, never partially with some silly power saver gimmick. Have FUN! DearWebby
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Oatmeal Waffles By Donna [413 Posts, 406 Comments] Simple, but healthier alternative to regular store bought waffles. These are made from leftover oatmeal! Prep Time: 15 minutes Ingredients: any type oatmeal you have prepared spray coconut oil waffle toppings of your choice Steps: I always make twice as much oatmeal as I need and use it in other recipes or to make these delicious waffles. They are my families favorite breakfast now! Simply spray your grill. Drop your precooked oatmeal onto it Close it and let it cook. I will open it up after a while and check on it. I let it brown lightly. Take it out and serve it with a dollop of homemade strawberry jam but sometimes we cut up fresh fruit in season and serve it on top! ____________________________________________________
Building a cedar strip canoe by hand
____________________________________________________ Wisdom For Your Cubicle 1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent. 4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. 6. If at first you don't succeed--try management. 7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. 8. Never quit until you have another job. 9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away! 10. Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. 11. Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free. 12. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore. 13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore. ___________________________________________________
Contemporary works of art.
So," Jane asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. " Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear, that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."

Today, on June 26, in
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across
Sava, Hungary. 

1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out by
the Mongols. 

1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 

1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle of

1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of the
Kansas River after completing a westward trek of nearly 400
river miles. 

1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 

1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, NJ,
was opened to the public. 

1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike in
sympathy with Pullman workers. 

1900 The United States announced that it would send troops to
fight against the Boxer rebellion in China. 

1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the
fight against the deadly disease yellow fever. 

1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be taken
against revolutionaries. 

1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform elements
of Parliament in Persia. 

1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France with
the American Expeditionary Force. 

1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in
Hollywood. That was the only movie about Canada that I had
seen before immigrating.

1926 A memorial to the first U.S. troops in France was
unveiled at St. Nazaire. 

1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops left the
Dominican Republic. 

1927 The Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster opened in New

1936 The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is often
considered the first practical helicopter. 

1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the first

1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San
Francisco, CA. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and France
started ferrying supplies to the isolated western sector of

1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean War.

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen
Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence

1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 

1963 U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin ein
Berliner" (I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall. 

1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for Daniel
Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon Papers. 

1974 In Troy, Ohio, a Marsh supermarket installed the first
bar code scanning equipment, made by IBM, and a product with a
bar code was scanned for the first time. The product was Juicy
Fruit gum. 

1976 In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public.
The official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was
the world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's
tallest tower until 2010. 

1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was
retiring as world heavyweight boxing champion. 

1987 The movie "Dragnet" opened in the U.S. 

1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military
Institute to admit women or forgo state support. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications
Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute
indecent material on the Internet. 

1997 J.K. Rowlings book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's
Stone" was published in the U.K. The book was later released
in the U.S. under the name "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's
Stone." This was the first book in the Harry Potter series. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow for a
ban on doctor-assisted suicides. 

1998 The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to
patrol Peru's rivers for drug traffickers. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always
potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward
an employee. 

2000 The Human Genome Project and Celera Genomics Corp.
jointly announced that they had created a working draft of the
human genome. 

2000 Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state
of emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting
between Christians and Muslims. 

2001 Ray Bourque (Colorado Avalanche) announced his retirement
just 17 days after winning his first Stanley Cup. Bouque
retired after 22 years and held the NHL record for highest-
scoring defenseman and playing in 19 consecutive All-Star

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

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How to stop Windows updates 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 25

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman got 20 years for trying to hire a 
killer for ex husband
Today, June 25 in
1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire. 
That opened the West for cattle farming.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. --- Alfred North Whitehead (1861 1947) We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A preacher was completing a temperance sermon with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in he world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The head elder then stood and announced, "For our closching schong, let usch sching h-ick, ahem Hymn 365, "Schall We Gather at the Rrrriverrrrr!" ______________________________________________________ Find the cat! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rachael Leahy, 35, in jail, Florida Florida woman gets 20 years for plotting to have ex-husband killed A Florida woman has been sentenced to 20 years in prison for trying to hire someone to kill her ex-husband. Rachael Leahy, 35, was sentenced Monday. She pleaded no contest last month to criminal solicitation to commit murder. Leahy spoke with an undercover sheriff's detective whom she believed was a hit man in August 2016. She told the detective that her ex-husband could be kidnapped and taken to another country and made into a sex slave. She also suggested that he could die in an apparent accident, like a fire or drowning. Authorities said Leahy wanted her ex-husband gone so she could have custody of their children. She told the detective she could pay him $5,000 after collecting on her ex-husband's life insurance policy. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Stop automatic updates Dear Webby, Good Morning 'Great Guru' of computers! Can you please explain to me how I stop Microsoft from automatically sending the little shield to my taskbar to download updates. I would like to decide myself when & if I want to update. (Bet you thought I was smart enough to figure this out on my own, huh? ;}) Thanks Webby...I sure look forward to and enjoy your great site. Wish there were more like yours to enjoy but.... we all know there is only one Webby!! Have a wonderful day, Cookie Dear Cookie Apparently you have not been cussing at Microsoft and threaten them with dire consequences, so they shuffled around the user interface, for no reason other than to annoy you. (And a few Million other people too!) Click on START Control Panel System and Security Windows Update And in there set your options. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man sued his wife for divorce. He told the judge, "Your honor, my wife is so immature, she barges in while I'm taking a bath and sinks all my boats!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Chicken Spring Rolls with Peanut Dipping Sauce By attosa [339 Posts, 1,593 Comments] I love making Vietnamese spring rolls, especially for summertime picnics and potlucks. They look pretty fancy but they are so easy to make. You can use any number of fillings for yours. Just like any recipe, it's fun to stray from the usual to suit your tastes! Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 10 spring rolls Ingredients: 10 rice wrappers 1 cup cooked shredded chicken 1 Persian cucumber, julienned 1 medium tomato, sliced 1/4 carrot, sliced thin 3 whole green onions, julienned 1 cup lettuce, shredded 1/2 cup cilantro, chopped 1/2 cup Thai basil leaves 1 cup bean sprouts 1/3 cup smooth peanut butter 1 garlic clove, grated 2 Tbsp fresh lime juice 1 Tbsp soy sauce 1 Tbsp fish sauce (or more soy sauce) 1 tsp sugar 1/3 cup water Steps: Fill a large bowl with warm water. Dip one rice wrapper into the water for 1 second to soften. Lay rice wrapper flat on a work surface. Start laying down your more colourful fillings in the center in a row. I started with carrot, tomato and basil. Add a little bit of each one of the other fillings, leaving about 1.5 inches uncovered on each side. Fold sides inward, then tightly roll the wrapper. It will stick to itself to seal. Repeat with the rest of the wrappers and fillings. To make the dipping sauce, in a bowl, mix together the peanut butter, garlic, lime juice, soy sauce, sugar, and water until it's smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve with the rolls as a dip and enjoy! Don`t get spooked by her huge number of ingredients! You can think of it as a fridge-cleaner. Use whatever you got handy. The game is reverse fortune cookie. Make everyone guess what is in the rolls and slide their guess ballot into a fortune cookie and pass it on to the person on their right. If nobody guesses it, the cook wins. There are no limits to what you can use. Leftover Macaroni and cheese with ham and pickle bits added, and fine chopped onion and colorful sweet mini peppers is one example. Egg salad with very fine cut spicy, colorful peppers is another example. Tuna salad, if you have more salad than bread, cottage cheese and well drained peach cubes, anything! The only rules are that it is finger food, can be eaten while driving, and does not run or drip into your sleeve. Any suitable chip dip works fine. In a pinch, hand mix almond butter and cream cheese and a pinch of salt. Have FUN! DearWebby
What spooked the deer?
____________________________________________________ A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!" ___________________________________________________
Standing above the clouds.
A man sued his wife for divorce. He told the judge, "Your honor, my wife is so immature, she barges in while I'm taking a bath and sinks all my boats!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Little was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until thought for a second and said, "Mom, I`m sure glad you don`t do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."

Today, on June 25, in
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeated Lothar at

1080 At Brixen, a council of bishops declared Pope Gregory to
be deposed and Archbishop Guibert as antipope Clement III. 

1658 Aurangzeb proclaimed himself emperor of the Moghuls in

1767 Mexican Indians rioted as Jesuit priests were ordered

1864 Union troops surrounding Petersburg, VA, began building a
mine tunnel underneath the Confederate lines. 

1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire. 

1868 The U.S. Congress enacted legislation granting an eight-
hour day to workers employed by the Federal government. 

1870 In Spain, Queen Isabella abdicated in favor of Alfonso

1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry were
killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn in
Montana. The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand." 

1876 In Philadelphia, PA, Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated
the telephone for Sir William Thomson (Baron Kelvin) and
Emperor Pedro II of Brazil at the Centennial Exhibition. 

1906 Pittsburgh millionaire Harry Kendall Thaw, the son of
coal and railroad baron William Thaw, shot and killed Stanford

1910 The U.S. Congress authorized the use of postal savings

1917 The first American fighting troops landed in France. 

1920 The Greeks took 8,000 Turkish prisoners in Smyrna. 

1921 Samuel Gompers was elected head of the AFL for the 40th

1938 Gaelic scholar Douglas Hyde was inaugurated as the first
president of the Irish Republic. 

1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union after asking
Germany for help.

1946 Ho Chi Minh traveled to France for talks on Vietnamese

1948 The Soviet Union tightened its blockade of Berlin by
intercepting river barges heading for the city. 

1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean

1951 In New York, the first regular commercial color TV
transmissions were presented on CBS using the FCC-approved CBS
Color System. The public did not own color TV's at the time. 

1959 The Cuban government seized 2.35 million acres under a
new agrarian reform law. 

1962 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the use of unofficial
non-denominational prayer in public schools was

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson ordered 200 naval personnel
to Mississippi to assist in finding three missing civil

1970 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission handed down a
ruling (35 FR 7732), making it illegal for radio stations to
put telephone calls on the air without the permission of the
person being called. 

1973 White House Counsel John Dean admitted that U.S.
President Nixon took part in the Watergate cover-up. 

1975 Mozambique became independent. Samora Machel was sworn in
as president after 477 years of Portuguese rule. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that male-only draft
registration was constitutional. 

1985 New York Yankees officials enacted the rule that mandated
that the team's bat boys were to wear protective helmets
during all games. 

1986 The U.S. Congress approved $100 million in aid to the
Contras fighting in Nicaragua. 

1987 Austrian President Kurt Waldheim visited Pope John Paul
II at the Vatican. The meeting was controversial due to
allegations that Waldheim had hidden his Nazi past. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of an individual,
whose wishes are clearly made, to refuse life-sustaining
medical treatment. "The right to die" decision was made in the
Curzan vs. Missouri case. 

1991 The last Soviet troops left Czechoslovakia 23 years after
the Warsaw Pact invasion. 

1991 The Yugoslav republics of Slovenia and Croatia declared
their independence from Yugoslavia. 

1993 Kim Campbell took office as Canada's first woman prime
minister. She assumed power upon the resignation of Brian

1997 The Russian space station Mir was hit by an unmanned
cargo vessel. Much of the power supply was knocked out and the
station's Spektr module was severely damaged. 

1997 U.S. air pollution standards were significantly tightened
by U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto
thereby striking down presidential power to cancel specific
items in tax and spending legislation. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that those infected with HIV
are protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act. 

1998 Microsoft's "Windows 98" was released to the public. 

1999 Germany's parliament approved a national Holocaust
memorial to be built in Berlin. 

2000 U.S. and British researchers announced that they had
completed a rough draft of a map of the genetic makeup of
human beings. The project was 10 years old at the time of the

2000 A Florida judge approved a class-action lawsuit to be
filed against American Online (AOL) on behalf of hourly
subscribers who were forced to view "pop-up" advertisements. 

2017  smiled.

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Icons and tool bars from program installations 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 24

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas mom messaged on Facebook while 
baby drowned in tub
Today, June 23 in
1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service 
of England, landed in North America on what is now 
Newfoundland. He landed near the same area where the 
Vikings had settled for a while around 1050.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855) Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau Better old fashions than no fashions! --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Linda My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.” _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cheyenne Summer Stuckey, 21, Fort Worth, Texas Texas mom messaged on Facebook while baby drowned in tub Police say a Texas mother was messaging on Facebook while her 8-month-old daughter drowned in a bathtub last week, reports CBS DFW. Cheyenne Summer Stuckey, 21, told investigators she put her daughter Zayla Hernandez in the tub in their suburban Fort Worth home on June 13 and left her unsupervised with the water running "for only a couple minutes," the station reports. She said she became "distracted" by another child, Facebook Messenger and a television playing loudly. But a Parker County sheriff's investigation revealed Stuckey was messaging two people on Facebook for at least 18 minutes while the infant was drowning, the station reports. Stuckey told investigators she rushed to check on the child when she realized she had forgotten about her, but found her floating in the tub face-down and unresponsive. Stuckey said she tried to resuscitate the girl but "did not know how." She told investigators she wasn't sure if she had placed a bathtub stopper in the drain. Emergency responders weren't able to resuscitate the girl, and she was pronounced dead at a hospital. A Tarrant County Medical Examiner's preliminary autopsy report revealed Zayla died from drowning. Stuckey was booked in to the Parker County Jail and charged with injury to a child. Her bond has not been set. Several other children in the home were reportedly removed and placed in foster care. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Vin Re: Toolbars and icons Dear Webby, Every program I install seems to come with some silly toolbar that has maybe one icon on it that I use and half a dozen that are totally useless. If they have so little confidence in their program that they feel they have to provide an UN- install icon on prime, easy to get to, toolbar space, why sell it in the first place? How can I restrict all those silly toolbars to just one icon? Vin DearVin You can't. Just delete all those silly little toolbars. Make desktop shortcuts to the programs that you need, then make a desktop folder and drag them in there. Next you drag that folder into a subdirectory, and make one desktop shortcut icon for that. That way YOU control which icons are taking up space. Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and whaps her husband across the shins. "Dangit, woman! What the heck was that for?" he yells. "That's for 60 years of bad sex," she replies. A few minutes later, the husband picks up his cane and whaps his wife across the shins. "Ow!!" she yells. "What the heck was THAT for??" The husband looks at her and says, "That's for knowing the difference."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thoroughly Cleaning A Cast Iron Fry Pan By likekinds [346 Posts, 1,496 Comments] You can tell me not to use soap on my cast iron pans til the cows come home. I will use it, anyway. I refuse to put away a pan that has only been scraped and wiped. To me, that borders on 'nasty'. I make country style gravy in my cast iron frying pan. I fry thinly sliced sweet potatoes sprinkled with brown sugar, in that pan, cooking till the sugar is syrupy or caramelized. Imagine just 'wiping' that pan. If the pan is properly seasoned, hot, soapy water will not affect that season. Almost always, a ruined season is due to overheating an empty pan while preheating it. When preheating a pan, don't allow it to get hot enough to smoke. If you see even the slight smoke, don't just turn down the heat, remove the pan from the heat. The inside bottom of a well seasoned pan will be smooth and shiny. No scrubbing should be required. The inside walls of the pan will often be rougher. Scrub these with something no more abrasive than a plastic mesh ball or a nylon brush. Soak the pan for a while if need be. Never use steel wool, nylon pads, or powdered cleansers on a pan. When the pan is clean and rinsed, put it on a burner at medium heat. Watch carefully. The instant all water is burned way, remove the pan from the heat and allow to cool. With a paper towel, apply a thin film of cooking oil to the pan before putting it away. If you have cooked fish or onions in the pan, you can rest assured the next time you scramble eggs, they will taste of fish or onions, if you only wipe the pan 'clean'. Even soap and hot water will not remove these scents. Removing lingering scents from a pan is simple. After washing and rinsing the pan, fill with water and place on medium heat burner. Add a tablespoon of baking soda to the water. Simmer two or three minutes and rinse, then back to the burner to dry. I find drying the pan with heat is more thorough, thus preventing any rust, especially on the bottom where it is most likely to appear. It's like this, I wash my cast iron pans in hot, soapy water after every use; I always have. An egg will slide around in my pan as if the pan was coated with Teflon or T fal. Where are those cows, anyway? It's time for their evening milking.
Baby elephant chasing birds
____________________________________________________ When an applicant asked if the company had a fitness program, the human resources manager replied, "Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, hiding in paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, stabbing others in their backs and pushing their luck!" ___________________________________________________
Awesome photos of powerful storms.
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man excitedly. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."

Today, on June 24, in
1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward
II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland. 

1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off
the Flemish coast. 

1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of
England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland. 
1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England. 

1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded. 

1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists
at Swansee, Plymouth colony. 

1717 The Freemasons were founded in London. 

1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted. 

1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for
vulcanized rubber. 

1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle of
the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon III
defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in northern

1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at
Mathias Point, Virginia. 

1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the
Dagu forts in China. 

1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea. 

1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria
following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace. 

1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of

1940 France signed an armistice with Italy. 

1940 TV cameras were used for the first time in a political
convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible
support to the Soviet Union. 

1947 Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt.
Rainier, Washington. 

1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade. 

1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the
Bering Strait. 

1964 The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in
1965, cigarette manufactures would be required to include
warnings on their packaging about the harmful effects of

1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of
the Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by

1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf
of Tonkin Resolution. 

1982 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could
be sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving
as President of the United States. 

1986 The Empire State Building was designated a National
Historic Landmark. 

1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The Roswell
Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that an alien
spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947. 

1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion. 

1998 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 600-millionth

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges,
must make the decision to give a convicted killer the death

2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for $20.2

2003 In Paris, France, manuscripts by novelist Georges Simenon
brought in $325,579. The original manuscript of "La Mort de
Belle" raised $81,705. 

2017  smiled.

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Paper or eBook? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Frank!!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida mother arrested for trying to give away 
2 year old son in parking lot
Today, June 23 in
2015 Verizon announced it had completed its 
$4.4 billion purchase of AOL, Inc. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. --- Bill Vaughan When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Passing an office building late one night, Gus saw a sign that said, "Press the bell for the night watchman." He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and then coming through the revolving door, he looked at Gus and asked, "Well, what do you want?" And Gus says, "I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself. Why do I have to ring it for you ?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A teacher was teaching his kids about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then in the back eagerly raised a hand. "Yes, , what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the teacher. replied, "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that, ?" the teacher asked. "Well," answered , "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the teacher. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten'!" ______________________________________________________ Fireweed, the official flower of the Yukon _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amber Warner, 31, Vero Beach, Floriduh Florida mother arrested for trying to give away 2 year old son in parking lot A Florida mother allegedly tried to give her son away to strangers in a restaurant parking lot. Amber Warner, 31, is accused of trying to give her 2-year-old son away in the parking lot of a Kountry Kitchen in Vero Beach, according to WPLG. Authorities say that Warner told the couple “I can’t do it,” before placing the child on the ground and driving off. She was later found at her home, where she was arrested and charged with unlawful desertion of a child and resisting arrest without violence. The child was placed under the care of the Florida Department of Children and Families and appeared to be in good health. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Vi Re: Paper or e-books Dear Webby, I am planning to take a course and have a choice to get the material on paper books or on e-books. The e-book version is a lot cheaper, of course. Which version would you recommend? Vi Dear Vi I would recommen the e-book version without the slightest hesitation. With e-books you CAN print them, if you need paper. You can even print just those pages that you want, like indexes or summaries. You can also take screen captures of paragraphs or illustrations and paste those into word processor documents. With e-books you aren't just saving trees and money, you are getting a lot more value. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Reheat Pizza in a Frying Pan By lalala... [827 Posts, 105 Comments] A great way to reheat leftover pizza is in a frying pan. Place the pizza in the frying pan over medium heat. Slices of pizza in a frying pan Cover loosely with a piece of aluminum foil that is domed in the center so it doesn't stick to the cheese. Frying pan with aluminium foil It can burn quickly so check it every few minutes until it is heated through and is crispy enough for you on the bottom. The result is a crispy crust, instead of the rubbery, soggy crust you get when microwaved.
Cowboys herding cats
____________________________________________________ According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars, and if they were noticing that women have eyes, the bra padding industry would go broke. ___________________________________________________
Creatures that don't live in our world.
>From Flo: Dear Webby, can you bring back that list of silly laws that you once printed? Thanks, Flo Sure, Flo. Here they are: In Klamath Falls, Oregon, it is illegal to kick the heads off snakes. Anyone stealing citrus fruit in Yuma, Arizona can legally be given castor oil as punishment. The California penal code prohibits the shooting of any animal, except a whale, from an automobile. It is illegal to wear a mask in Denver, Colorado. In Kentucky there is a law against sleeping in a restaurant. In Idaho you cannot fish for trout from the back of a giraffe. An old Boston law prohibited citizens from taking more than one bath each week. If a Michigan woman leaves her husband, then he is entitled to take possession of all her clothing. In Idaho you cannot buy a chicken after dark without permission from the sheriff. Setting fire to a mule is prohibited in Maine. It is a crime in several states to dance to the "The Star Spangled Banner." It was once illegal in Boston Massachusetts to own a dog more than ten inches high. Public checker-playing is against the law in La Crosse, Wisconsin. In St. Louis Missouri it is against the law to let rubbish collect on your roof. Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (Topless is OK, just not in a swim suit) Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating. A friend overheard her aunt and uncle one day: "What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked. "Nothing," he answered. "Well, they're not in there. Look under the bed."

Today, on June 23, in
1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape
Indians in Pennsylvania. 

1700 Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a truce
with the Ottoman Empire. 

1758 British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at
Krefeld in Germany. 

1760 The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut,

1757 Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won
control of Bengal. 

1836 The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which
contained a provision for turning over surplus federal revenue
to the states. 

1848 A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted. 

1865 Confederate General Stand Watie, who was also a Cherokee
chief, surrendered the last sizable Confederate army at Fort
Towson, in the Oklahoma Territory. 

1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an
invention that he called a "Type-Writer." 

1884 A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle, Indochina. 

1902 Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the Triple
Alliance for a 12 year duration. 

1904 The first American motorboat race got underway on the
Hudson River in New York. 

1926 The first lip reading tournament in America was held in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York on the
first round-the-world flight in a single-engine plane. 

1934 Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after
defeating the country. 

1938 The Civil Aeronautics Authority was established. 

1947 The U.S. Senate joined the House in overriding President
Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 

1951 Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire
discussions in the Korean War. 

1952 The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu River,

1956 Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt. 

1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by
tear gas. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff H.R.
Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct the FBI's
Watergate investigation. 

2003 Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac desktop

2004 The U.S. proposed that North Korea agree to a series of
nuclear disarmament measures over a three-month period in
exchange for economic benefits. 

2013 In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a quarter
mile tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River Gorge. 

2015 NASA's Mars Odyssey completed its 60,000th orbit around
Mars. The spacecraft entered orbit on October 23, 2001. 

2015 Verizon announced it had completed its $4.4 billion
purchase of AOL, Inc. 

2017  smiled.

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Zeus attack 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
California mother arrested for trying to 
exorcise or kill 11 year old daughter
Today, June 22 in
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966) There are only two ways of telling the complete truth- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell (1930 - ) Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. --- John F. Kennedy Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away! --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One evening after dinner, Bob's five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?" In answer to his questions, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" Bob had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ On beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded, each group on separate islands: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman 2 Canadian men and 1 Canadian woman One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/store/ restaurant/laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, etc.. The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up distilleries. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun. The Canadians got the Irish and the English women to immigrate to their island and they are making better whisky than the Irish. Beer too! They don't care who gets whom, as long as there is enough beer and whiskey for everybody. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roxanne for identifying the flowers as Purple Loosestrife _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailorz An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kimberly Felder, 45, Ferndale, California California mother arrested for trying to exorcise or kill 11 year old daughter Northern California mother who claimed she was trying to exorcise demons from her daughter has been booked on suspicion of biting, choking and shoving handfuls of sand into the girl’s mouth and eyes on a crowded beach, authorities said. Kimberly Felder, a 45-year-old Ferndale resident, was arrested Friday morning on suspicion of attempted homicide, assault with a deadly weapon, felony child abuse and aggravated mayhem, Humboldt County Sheriff William Honsal said in a statement. The ordeal unfolded about 9 a.m. when authorities received a report of a mother attacking a small girl at Centerville Beach County Park near Ferndale, a small city with Victorian-era homes about 20 miles south of Eureka, Calif. The witness told authorities the mother was trying to perform an exorcism. She had stripped the 11-year-old girl naked and attacked her with sand, Honsal said. As Felder viciously hit, bit and choked the girl, Honsal said, a crowd of 10 to 12 people arrived and saw the incident. During the attack, Felder severely bit her daughter’s right ear, authorities said. Resident John Marciel couldn’t stand by and watch the beating, so he stepped in and restrained Felder, Lt. Ken Swithenbank said. As Marciel fought with Felder on the ground, she struck her daughter on the head with a piece of driftwood, authorities said. A sheriff’s deputy later arrived and arrested Felder. As deputies took Felder into custody, Marciel tended to the girl, Swithenbank said. The girl was hospitalized for multiple injuries. She will probably require reconstructive surgery to her ear, he said. It is unclear what led the mother to believe her daughter was possessed and needed an exorcism, Swithenbank said. The incident, he said, was “strange “ and “very disturbing” for deputies. Authorities said if it were not for Marciel’s heroism and swift actions, the girl would have been killed. “He was shook up pretty good,” Swithenbank said. “It’s very heroic what he did.” For his heroism, the lieutenant said, sheriff’s officials have requested that Marciel be recognized with the Red Cross Lifesaver Award. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Zeus browser hijacker Dear Webby, Was reading an article on Newsweek page about WWii artifacts found in South American and the following appeared while reading. I run Malware Bytes. What should I do??? Frank ZEUS VIRUS DETECTED blah blah blah call 888.... Dear Frank It's not a virus, just a scam with a browser hijack. They just mess with your browser. Just reset the browser cache and defaults. You can write to Malwarebytes support and get more information about it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________ From Frank: Webby, Here is the response from Malwarebytes and it is more than I wanted to know. It is going to take some time for me to attempt to sort this out since I'm older than you and not very computer literate. I'm truly glad to know you have my back on many occasions. Perhaps this will provide insight for others having problem also. Peace and Blessings Frank Frank Subject: Zeus Virus This message was sent in reference to Case #: 1388130. ----------------- JUN 21, 2017 | 07:08AM PDT Maurice replied: Hello Frank, Welcome to Malwarebytes support, my name is Maurice and I’ll be assisting you today. This scam page is using a multitude of false claims to get you freaked out so that you call the scammer. None of this is true. Thanks for relaying the phone number. This type of scam display is not any actual “infection”. It is a scam “lure”. “zeus” is a fake, lure. It is a displayed fake page that shows on a web browser. It can be got rid of by using a few keyboard key-presses, or using Task Manager, resetting the browser, or by powering off the machine. Waiting a bit, then power back up and allow Windows to reload. Each customer should also beef up each web browser, do some tweaks, and ad a ad block. Getting rid of bogus screen (s): You can easily use keyboard keypress shortcuts to get rid of the false pages displayed. ( see below). What you had experienced is NOT an infection. Not a virus; nor a malware. It is a scam / fake tech support scheme. Contrary to what one may have thought, it does not “lock” the machine. You can still press the Windows-key on keyboard to get the Windows menu. You can use a variety of Windows Keyboard shortcuts to get around to other choices for remedy. When this fake is in the foreground and in a web browser, there are many ways to get it off the screen. I would suggest to do a few keyboard presses to get rid of the windows on-screen. Press and hold ALT-key on keyboard and then tap the F4 function key a to get the foreground windows closed and done away with. ( repeat use of ALT + F4 sequence). ALT + F4 is especially helpful against the smaller window ( if any) that is up in front. ALT + HOME key on the keyboard will put your browser page back onto your prior choice for Home page. That easily deals with the bigger full page displayed. Then while still in the web browser, press and hold SHIFT + CTRL + DELete keys to start the process to delete all browser cache & history. Another way is to press and hold CTRL key on keyboard and then tap W key. CTRL + W That should close the Tab page of the web browser. You can repeat as needed. Another way: is to open a new Tab by using CTRL +T ( that opens a new tab). Then you can use your mouse go to the rogue tab & then click the X control on the upper right top of the rogue tab-window). Have patience when you try this. And, there is always the ability to end the web-browser program thru using Windows’ Task Manager applet. Click the Start button and type: taskmgr.exe and then press Enter. In the processes tab, find the process for whichever browser you are running: iexplore.exe, firefox.exe, chrome.exe, MicrosoftEdge.exe, MicrosoftEdgeCP.exe and then click End Process or Terminate. Look at the following Malwarebytes Blog article and scroll down to the section marked Clear your browser’s cache and do that for each of your web browser programs. RESET web browser program: Which one of the web browsers is this on ? Reset the browser and make real sure it does not re-open same page as last session. Please try to reset your browser settings and see if that helps - These are the ways – the HOW TO pages – for the 3 most popular web browsers. Just click each link to see the specific advice for it. You would want to put back your own choice for Start page / Home page / and also for Search engine preference. Just click the link to the browser you have installed. If you have more than one, then do one at a time. Please try to reset your browser settings and see if that helps - Internet Explorer in Windows Google Chrome browser Firefox: First, do a refresh for Firefox. Then set your own choices for search engine, and start & home page, etc. For EDGE browser in Windows 10 : Edge browser is set by default to “restart on the same page as it was on the last time”. So, now you need to set it to your own choice. Either a blank page or a specific website of your own choice. You could make it as one safe example. Please do try to Reset the Edge browser to defaults, with these tips. In Microsoft edge Click the three dots … (top right hand corner under the X sign) [] Click settings Change – Open new tabs with Top sites Arrow V down and Select – A blank page ( or make some other selection that is right for you ). For the long term, use these tips to beef up your web browsers.: Go into the Options ( settings) of Internet Explorer ( and any other web browser you have). Make sure that the POPUP blocker is ON. Set the option on for rejecting (decline) 3rd-party cookies. And in addition to all that: Use a good browser extension ( add on) ad blocker. If your pc has no ad blocker add-on for your browser(s), I would suggest uBlock Origin. For Mozilla Firefox, use the Mozilla page at this link For Google Chrome, see For Internet Explorer browser: IF your Windows 10 is at build 1607 or later, you can install a ad-blocker for the EDGE browser Point Edge to this link For Opera browser, see Maurice Customer Success ________________________________ It would be a good idea if you saved this good and valuable information, and gradually armor your browser against this kind of nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Gluten Free Peach Cobbler By Litter Gitter [220 Posts, 692 Comments] I experimented making a gluten free Peach cobbler by using gluten free bisquick. It turned out irresistible. I tasted it when it came out of the oven and couldn't keep my spoon out of it while cooking dinner. After dinner, I just had to have another piece. My husband wanted a second helping also. He said all it needed was a scoop of ice cream on top. When we started doing the dishes, he looked at what was left of the peach cobbler and asked me, "Did you eat that much?" I couldn't deny it. Ingredients: 1/4 cup butter 1 cup Gluten Free Bisquick 1 cup sugar 1/2 tsp vanilla 2 eggs 1 15 ounce can sliced peaches Steps: Preheat oven at 350 degrees F. Place butter in 8x8 inch Pyrex dish. Place in oven to melt. Drain juice from the peaches. Mix eggs, sugar and vanilla together. Add peach juice and mix. Add bisquick and mix well. Pour the batter into hot melted butter. Drop spoonfuls of peaches evenly onto the batter. Bake 35 minutes or until golden brown. Serve with vanilla ice cream while warm. Enjoy!
What it's like to be shot in a Mercedez with an AK-47
____________________________________________________ "In this job we need someone who is responsible," said the employer. "Then I'm your man," answered the potential employee. "On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible." ___________________________________________________
When big hair roamed the earth in the '60's.
Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

Today, on June 22, in
1558 The French took the French town of Thioville from the

1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers.

1772 Slavery was outlawed in England. 

1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation
leading to the War of 1812. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time. 

1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine. 

1870 The U.S. Congress created the Department of Justice. 

1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice of

1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle,

1911 King George V of England was crowned. 

1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern
Front as the Russians retreat. 

1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el
Krim in Morocco. 

1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler
banned parties other than the Nazis. 

1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones
Beach, on Long Island, New York. 

1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on
terms dictated by the Nazis. 

1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the Soviet

1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of
the Columbia River. 

1942 In France, Pierre Laval declared "I wish for a German

1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time. 

1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of
Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war. 

1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially
ended after 81 days. 

1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first

1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah
were blown up. 

1959 Eddie Lubanski rolled 24 consecutive strikes in a bowling
tournament in Miami, FL. 

1964 The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's book,
"Tropic of Cancer", could not be banned. 

1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of the
Voting Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting age in
the United States to be 18. 

1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific
after a record 28 days in space. 

1974 In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (Willis

1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the
only known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon. 

1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its
forces from Afghanistan. 

1989 The government of Angola and the anti-Communist rebels of
the UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in their 14-year-
old civil war. 

1990 Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin. 

1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime
laws that ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial
bias violated free-speech rights. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally
obtained by authorities could be used at revocation hearings
for a convicted criminal's parole. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable
handicaps cannot claim discrimination in employment under the
Americans with Disability Act. 

2009 Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would discontinue
sales of the Kodachrome Color Film.

2017  smiled.

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Spam filter trigger words 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 21

Here are some trigger phrases to use in MailWasher or Eudora
or whatever you use for diverting spam to trash:
Suspension notice
Email Account Suspension
Name Brand Meds
Offer Confirmation
Message Subject
Data base of
Documents from work
MSN Featured
% off
"==_" or "------=_"

If the Body contains "if images are blocked"  then  hide the
message from the messages list ,  and  automatically (without
warning or notification) delete the message.  This filter
takes priority over the friends list.

If the From field does not contain"@" or not "."  then  hide
the message from the messages list,  and  automatically
(without warning or notification) delete the message.

If the entire header contains "charset=iso-" or "koi8-r" or
"GB2312" or  the Body contains "base64" or  the entire header
contains "iso-2022-jp" or "=?windows" or  the Body contains
"8bit"  then mark the message as mail to be deleted.

If the Body contains "THIS IS A WARNING MESSAGE ONLY"  then
hide the message from the messages list , and  automatically
(without warning or notification) delete the message.

No Subject:
If the Subject field does not contain RegExpr"\w"  then mark
the message as mail to be deleted.

If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-
5|koi8)"  then mark the message as mail to be deleted.

If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-
kr|iso-2022-kr)"  then mark the message as mail to be deleted.

If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-
then mark the message as mail to be deleted.  This filter
takes priority over the friends list.

By the way, I have absolutely nothing agaisnt the Japanese or
Koreans or ... whatever, as long as they write in one of MY
languages. If they write in a language, that I can't read,
then they are obviously spammers, who are just broadcasting
without knowing who they mail to. There is a place in hell for
them, and a place in the trash for their mail.

Save the above part and use it for guidance when you make
filters. Add whatever additional filters you come up with, and
save them online or on your favorite camera chip. Plain text
takes a negligible amount of space.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida toddler pulls loaded gun from toy box 
during child welfare check.
Today, June 21 in
1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) I wonder what it means when your grandson is more crotchety than you are. --- Aaron McGruder There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. --- Oscar Wilde When you come to a fork in the road, take it. --- Yogi Berra ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One year, Johnny's family was having the "extended family" cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state. (because they are illegal in their state, of course!) Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor's plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic - they even had extra food to bring. "Sure, the more the merrier!" Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. The family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells then the gas grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed. They head out the back, as Johnny comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says "Whew, that was close! That man's a police officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?" "Oh, yes! Nobody will ever think to look in the grill!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Rev Garth After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car. I had filled a stranger's gas tank. Wearily I walked back to the station. The attendant suggested helpfully, "You know, instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rosalyn Faniel, 34, Boynton Beach, Floriduh Florida toddler pulls loaded gun from toy box during child welfare check A Boynton Beach toddler pulled a loaded gun out of his toy box as police were investigating his home for possible child neglect, the Palm Beach Post reports. Police say the Florida Department of Children services was called to the home to speak to the child’s mother, Rosalyn Faniel, 34, about child neglect allegations and complaints they received about a man selling drugs out of the home. As Faniel was being questioned by a police officer and a DCF worker, the cop observed her 3-year-old child pull a loaded black 9mm semi-automatic pistol out of his “my little learning” toy box and start handling it. Officers immediately took the gun from the child. Police say the gun was loaded with a bullet in the chamber and the safety off. Officers searched the house for other potential hazards and found a box of 9mm ammunition sitting on top of a refrigerator in plain sight next to a black scale and pink makeup bag carrying six bags of white/pink powder weighing .6 grams in total. The powder tested positive for `Oxycodone, says the report. Faniel was taken into custody and charged with child neglect Tuesday. She was released from the Palm Beach County Jail Wednesday on a $3,000 bond, according to court records. The Palm Beach Post says Faniel also faces charges for failure to appear in court and violating release conditions, adding an extra $500 to her bond. She is due back in court on July 13. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ella Re: Phone not showing who is calling Dear Webby, I was told that my new phone would show me who is calling, but it never does, but it shows me who called while I was away. I know it's probably something stupid simple, so I am afraid to ask anybody around here because they will laugh about it for years. Thanks Ella Dear Ella You are just too efficient for your own good. Don't pounce on the phone like a desperate spinster. Relax, compose yourself, and wait for the second ring. Just before the second ring, the calling number will appear. If it is a telemarketer, lift the phone a couple of inches, and bash the rubber duckie, that you have sitting beside the phone, with your other hand, before letting the phone clatter down on it's cradle. If he phones back, then it wasn't a telemarketer. Have FUN! DearWebby
Judge to convict: "The prisons are all full,so I'm sentencing you to five years in the waiting room at the department of motor vehicles."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning Chrome Fixtures By Marty Dick [169 Posts, 1,002 Comments] CLR or vinegar
How Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth
____________________________________________________ >From Gina Time Zones! Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers. "I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds." "When was she born?" someone asked. Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!" ___________________________________________________
Tanks a lot!
>From Kati: The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?" The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I work day shift. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ This is an actual conversation I over-heard at the cross walk. A young woman was talking with an older woman, apparently her mother. "I haven't slept in three days," she complained. "The baby is teething and he's up all night crying." "Why don't you just dip a finger into a thimble-full of brandy and rub it on his gums? That will numb them up and put him right to sleep." answered mom. "I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do to him." "Well, it never hurt you any." The look on her face was priceless.

Today, on June 21, in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at
Machynlleth and was crowned Prince of Wales. 

1788 The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire
became the ninth state to ratify it. 

1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical
reaper for farming. Others patented reapers at the same time
or earlier. 

1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent. 

1893 The Ferris Wheel was introduced at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1913 Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump from an

1937 In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned. 

1938 In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75
billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act. 

1939 Lou Gehrig quit baseball due to illness. 

1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic
to Black Sea. 

1945 Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a
cost of $700. 

1954 The American Cancer Society reported significantly higher
death rates among cigarette smokers than among non-smokers.
They claimed non-smokers did not die.

1958 In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay school

1958 Linus Pauling and Detlev Bronke, both Americans, were
elected to the Soviet Academy of Science. 

1960 In Zurich, German, Armin Hary ran 100-meters in a record
10.0 seconds. 

1963 In St. Louis, Bob Hayes set a record when he ran the 100-
yard dash in 0:09.1. 

1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from the
North Atlantic NATO fleet. 

1973 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban
materials found to be obscene according to local standards. 

1974 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers
could no longer be forced to take long leaves of absence. 

1985 Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in
Brazil were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele. 

1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American
flag as a form of political protest was protected by the First

2001 Former Haitian Army colonel Carl Dorelien was taken into
custody in Port St. Lucie. Dorelien had been in exile since
1994 when he was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a
1994 massacre. 

2003 The fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order
of the Phoenix," was published by J.K. Rowling.
shipped out more than one million copies on this day making
the day the largest distribution day of a single item in e-
commerce history. The book set sales records around the world
with an estimated 5 million copies were sold on the first day.

2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike
Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute
flight. The height is about 400 feet above the distance
scientists consider to be the boundary of space.

2017  smiled.

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Haunted icons 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 20

If you are wondering how Eratosthenes calculated the 
circumference of the Earth so exactly, check out Noella's
video today.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
100-pound Jacksonville man slips out of handcuffs,
climbs through car divider window, steals police car
Today, June 20 in
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. --- John Stuart Mill (1806 - 1873) If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. --- Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937) Imagination is more important than knowledge... --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor lifestyle." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how- ever, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shawn Tippins, 32, Listed sex offender, (Lewd or Lascivious Battery; Sex With Victim 12 To 15) Jacksonville, Floriduh 100-pound Jacksonville man slips out of handcuffs, climbs through car divider window, steals police car A Camden County Sheriff's Office patrol car was wrecked Friday night after a suspect, seated in the back seat of the vehicle in handcuffs, managed to steal the vehicle. According to the arrest report, Shawn Tippins of Jacksonville, was stopped by officers at Bedell Ave and West Fourth Street in Camden County for driving under the influence. The Camden County Sheriff's Office arrest report said the deputy questioned Tippins and asked him to perform a walk-and- turn test, which Tippins wasn't able to complete. Tippins refused a breath test from the deputy who then placed him under arrest. According to the report, Tippins began yelling at another deputy. so he was led to the back of a patrol vehicle, still handcuffed, and placed in the back seat. The deputy said he cracked the center divider in the patrol car in order to allow air conditioning to reach Tippins. The arrest report said that Tippins, listed as 5-foot-2 and 100 pounds, slipped the handcuffs, climbed through the center divider and drove away in the patrol car at a high rate of speed. Tippins wrecked multiple cars and caused significant damage to the patrol car he stole, deputies said. After a chase, Tippins was recaptured and transported to jail. Tippins faces 19 charges including theft of a police vehicle, improper driving, reckless driving, aggressive driving, and unlawful use of a vehicle. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: Commie Icons Dear Webby, I let Gramma send some postcards from my computer, and now it's haunted! I had all my work icons arranged just right along the left margin, nice and tight in clusters for different projects, some of them slightly overlapping to save space but still accessible. Now they are all in rigid formation, all apart, like North Korean soldiers, and when I drag them to where they shold be, they jump back! HELP! Joy Dear Joy Gramma seems to have accidentally turned on "Auto-Arrange", one of the least useful features as far as power users are concerned. Just right-click on any blank area on the desktop, choose ARRANGE ICONS, and take the checkmark off "Auto-Arrange". Done. Now they will stay where you put them. Unfortunately, that won't put the icons back where they belong, but at least now they will stay where you put them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Judge to convict: "The prisons are all full,so I'm sentencing you to five years in the waiting room at the department of motor vehicles."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Guide Growing Feverfew By ShirleyE [182 Posts, 107 Comments] Feverfew is a type of chrysanthemum and spreads like wildfire in our garden and we have to weed some of it out, but it is a very pretty plant. It is also medicinal, containing salicylic acid (the stuff aspirin is made of) and therefore said to be good for headaches. Not that I am sure I would take it because the salicylic acid makes it taste exceedingly bitter. Maybe best keep to manufactured aspirin so you know the dose you are taking.
How Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth
____________________________________________________ The weather was very hot and pastor Fred wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. Having forgotten to pack a swimming suit, he chose to skinny dip. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of middle-aged ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He strategically positioned the bucket and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed pastor. "You can't really know what I think!" She said: "Yes, I do know. Right now I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom." ___________________________________________________
I don't think I want one of these as a pet!
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know....I don't eat cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ BASIC LAWS OF EMPLOYMENT 1. If you're unable to get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. 2. Never become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 3. After any salary increase, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. 4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 5. Whenever bosses talk about productivity improvements, they're never talking about themselves. 6. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. 7. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. 8. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the ass. 9. If you're good, you'll be assigned all the work. If you're really good, you'll know how to get out of it. 10. When you aren't sure what to do, walk fast and look worried. 11. No matter how much you do, you never do enough. 12. Consume one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 13. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Today, on June 20, in
0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a
halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 

1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway
under one monarch. 

1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell
that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 

1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to
flee the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received
the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American
mass-production concept. 

1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the
death of her uncle, King William IV. 

1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the
Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 

1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law
and arrested hundreds. 

1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist
Germany in paying its war debts. It did not go over well.

1941 The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the
Army Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the
creation of the United States Air Force in 1947. 

1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops
were sent in two days later to end the violence that left more
than 30 dead. 

1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills,
CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the soaring
costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 

1963 The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to
set up a hot line communication link between the two
countries, the famous "Red Phone".

1966 The U.S. Open golf tournament was broadcast in color for
the first time. 

1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating
Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S.
Supreme Court later overturned the conviction. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. Still works
just fine.

1979 ABC News correspondent Bill Stewart was shot to death in
Managua, Nicaragua, by a member of President Anastasio
Somoza's national guard. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers must treat
male and female workers equally in providing health benefits
for their spouses. 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in
exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of
mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The
vote was 6 in favor and 3 against. 

2017  smiled.

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Where to find emojis? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 19

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
20-year-old felon jailed after he shot 
somebody while on store surveillance video.
Today, June 18 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth
using two sticks. He got pretty close!
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. --- John Maynard Keynes (1883 - 1946) What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. --- Hansell B. Duckett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Linda My high school assignment I was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served ?in the Philippines during the war, ?I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?” Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Maybe, I was the cook." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's post-dated six years from now." ______________________________________________________ From "I love lighthouses" _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Torrey, 20, Birmingham, Alabama 20-year-old felon jailed after he shot somebody while on store surveillance video. A Birmingham man is under arrest after police say surveillance video showed him shooting another man at a southwest Birmingham convenience store. Brandon Torrey, 20, is charged with attempted murder, shooting into an occupied building and being a felon in possession of a firearm, said Birmingham police Sgt. Bryan Shelton. The shooting happened Wednesday, May 3, 2017. Shelton said the victim was waiting in line at M & N Grocery on Pearson Avenue. The video shows the suspect open the door to the store and open fire on the victim, whose name has not been released. The police department's Crime Reduction Team took Torrey into custody on Tuesday, according to jail records. He remains jailed with bond set at $60,000. Court records show Torrey pleaded guilty last year to three felonies receiving stolen property, unlawful breaking and entering of a vehicle and burglary. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison with six months to serve. "The video displays an individual with a total disregard for life,'' Shelton said. "We are truly, truly thankful the victim lived." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: emojis Dear Webby, Hope you are doing well. I love the pictures you post of your father's cacti. I am looking for a good safe website for emoji's. One without other junk attached that could mess up my computer. I figured go to the EXPERT! Can you help with a good one? Thanks you so much. Dani Dear Dani Try this one: Have FUN! DearWebby
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Wine Bottle To Water Plants By Trina Sudhoff [9 Posts, 10 Comments] My indoor plants need frequent watering and often get wilty before I get a chance to water them. I found a great way to keep them more hydrated and water less often wine! Well, wine bottles that is (or any empty bottle with a narrow neck). Just fill an empty bottle with water, dig a little hole in the soil of your potted plant, and quickly invert the bottle and press into the soil as firmly and upright as possible. As the soil dries, it wicks the water from the opening and keeps the soil moist until your next feeding. Source: A party at my house with a lot of wine! By ECONOMYSTIMUL8R from Sunny South FL
UUTAi Olena - Russian shaman lady
____________________________________________________ Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" The priest approached a second man and said, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest. The priest walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't, Father," O'Toole replied. The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that, when you die, you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiled. "Oh, when I die. Yes, sure, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now." ___________________________________________________
Tanks a lot!
A lawyer was reading the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in it: "To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times as well as the smooth, I will the house and two million dollars. "To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, I will the yacht, the business, and one million dollars. "And to my cousin, Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and who thought I would not remember him in my will: You were wrong. Dan, I remember that you are a useless turkey."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Michelle for this one: When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month." A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason." Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep." Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean the kids."

Today, on June 19, in
0240 BC Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth
using two sticks. He got pretty close!

1586 English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC,
after failing to establish England's first permanent
settlement in America. 

1778 U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left
Valley Forge after a winter of training. 

1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of

1862 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation
Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories. 

1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg,

1865 The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas. 

1873 Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse
named "Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24
stereoscopic cameras. This is considered the first step toward
motion pictures. 

1903 The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed
under investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland. 

1910 The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane,

1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship
board was established. 

1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day. 

1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British
royal family to dispense with German titles and surnames. 

1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum. 

1937 The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist

1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed
pinball machines in the city. 

1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year-
old neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced
in June of 1946. 

1942 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in
Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with
U.S. President Roosevelt. 

1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States

1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the
Imperial Japanese fleet. 

1958 In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a
congressional committee's questions on communism. 

1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. 

1961 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in
Maryland's constitution that required state officeholders to
profess a belief in God. 

1964 The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving
an 83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate. 

1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's
youngest premier at age 34. 

1968 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the
Poor People's Campaign. 

1973 The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S.
involvement in Southeast Asia. 

1973 Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty
in the WHA (World Hockey League). 

1978 Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first

1981 "Superman II" set the all-time, one-day record for
theater box-office receipts when it took in $5.5 million. 

1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit
from Kourou, French Guiana. 

1983 Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president
since 1969. 

1987 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law that
required that schools teach creationism. 

1989 The movie "Batman" premiered. 

1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally
shipping personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S.
export controls. 

1998 A study released said that smoking more than doubles
risks of developing dementia and Alzheimer's. 

1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million to
settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust victims
during World War II. Jewish leaders called the offer
insultingly low. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by
students at public-school football games violated the 1st
Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church
and state. 

2017  smiled.

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How to make custom icons 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 17

Today is Fathers Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Alabama man arrested after low-speed chase in stolen 
flatbed truck after unable to get out of 1st gear
Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around. --- Christina Stead (1903 - 1983) After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Study finds surprising number of Americans think chocolate milk comes from brown cows According to a recent survey, seven percent of Americans believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. The survey was conducted by the Innovation Center of US Dairy in April. 1,000 adults 18 and over were asked questions about the role milk plays in their daily lives, Food & Wine reported. The study found 48% of respondents weren't sure where chocolate milk came from. Seven percent thought chocolate milk only comes from brown cows. That adds up to about 16.4 million people, more than the population of Ohio. The Washington Post linked the study to past studies that consistently show many Americans have no idea where their food comes from. For example, a study in the 1990s found that nearly 20% of people did not know hamburgers are made from beef. ___________ Noella checked various places, and the report seems to be true. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man hated to lose at golf and one day he was playing in a foursome and his ball landed in a sand trap. Hidden from view, the rest of the group could hear him as he hacked away at the ball. When he finally drove it out, and rejoined the group and one of them asked him how many strokes he took to get the ball out of the sand trap. The man said, "Three." Another member of the group said, "Oh, come on! I heard six." "Well, three of them were echoes." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Randy Dewayne Vert, 29, Pinson, Alabama Alabama man arrested after low-speed chase in stolen flatbed truck after unable to get out of 1st gear A Pinson man is behind bars after leading Jefferson County sheriff's deputies on a low-speed chase in a stolen delivery truck early Wednesday. It all began just after 4:30 a.m. when deputies responded to the 1200 block of Birchwood Street to investigate a report of a suspicious vehicle sitting in the road with lights on and no one around. They arrived and checked the car. It was not stolen, said Chief Deputy Randy Christian. While checking the car, a citizen informed them that a man had just stolen a Kenworth T-300 flatbed delivery truck nearby. Deputies spotted the truck as it turned on to Huffman Road and attempted to stop the vehicle. The driver later identified as 29-year-old Randy Dewayne Vert refused to stop and continued driving south on Center Point Parkway, Christian said. Vert was apparently unfamiliar with the complexities of a manual transmission, he said, and was unable to get the truck out of first gear. The truck traveled at speeds of 25-30 mph on to I-59 south. Deputies followed the truck along I-59 south to Bush Boulevard where the transmission seized and the truck stopped. Vert was removed from the truck the hard way and arrested. He is charged with first-degree theft of property, reckless endangerment, attempting to elude and resisting arrest. He was booked into the Jefferson County jail shortly before 7 a.m. and remains in lockup with bonds totaling $5,900. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Custom icons Dear Webby, Hope you are in good health with your eyes, but i have a question i know you can help me with, I hope. I have made shortcuts on my desktop for my support groups but the short cuts have the generic picture of Firefox on them. how can i put the actual group picture in the short cut icon? or can it be done at all? again love the jokes and pictures and the help you give out daily.... thanks in advance for the help.. Randall Dear Randall You can make icons easily. 1) Get the pictures ready. 2) Size them to 64 x 64 3) Save them as .BMP, yes BMP. I know, it is a totally obsolete format, but Microsoft wants to be backward compatible all the way back to Windows 1. In those days we only had GIF for low resolution, and BMP for high resolution, and JPG not widely known during the years of development of Windows 1. On 8" by 8" Greenie monitors that was good enough. Save it to an easily findable location. 4) close the picture after saving it, for example group1.BMP 5) Use the file explorer and rename the file to group1.ico 6) Right-click the FF icon for Group1, select Properties 7) Change icon is at the bottom, middle. 8) Browse to the icon you just made, select it, hit APPLY and OK. 9) Don't forget to hit APPLY. That's all there is to it. Do the same for all the other ones. Have FUN! DearWebby
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Keeping Mice Out of Vehicles By Jim B. [1 Post] To keep mice away from your RV, spread Bounce laundry sheets around the inside of your RV. I've done it for years and it works great. By Jim B. from Salina, KS
On Being a Dad
____________________________________________________ The new lieutenant was doing the muster. "JACKSON?" "Here!" "KIBBEY?" "Yo." "STEPHENS?" "Present, sir." "SEEBACK?" Nothing. "SEEBACK?!" Still nothing. "DAMMIT, SEEBACK!" As the division Chief I whispered into the Lieutenant's ear, "Sir, turn the paper over." ___________________________________________________
I don't think I want one of these as a pet!
Todd and Jill went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. Jill replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Kim For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules. He worked during the day, and I worked at night. One morning I noticed he had left a note to himself on the kitchen counter that read, "STAMPS!" As a helpful surprise, I bought him some at the post office and put them on the counter before going to work. The next morning I found the same note. "STAMPS!" was crossed out. Underneath it he had written, s

Today, on June 18, in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.

1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of
Patay. The English had been retreating after the siege of

1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth
Colony in Massachusetts. 

1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 

1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S.
Revolutionary War. 

1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against
Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon
abdicated on June 22. 

1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by
John Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 

1861 The first American fly-casting tournament was held in
Utica, NY. 

1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench.

1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote
for a U.S. President. 

1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 

1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 

1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
counter-attack against the German army. (World War I) 

1925 The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by
Harvard University. 

1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage
stamp for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh's "Spirit
of St. Louis." 

1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to

1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer,
Harvard University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson.

1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights. 

1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign
against the French in Indochina. 

1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib
as its first president. 

1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in
the U.S. over NBC-TV. 

1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. 

1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve
on the Atomic Energy Commission. 

1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid
Brezhnev signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2.

1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space
aboard the space shuttle Challenger. 

1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web
search engine company Infoseek Corp. 

1998 "The Boston Globe" asked Patricia Smith to resign after
she admitted to inventing people and quotes in four of her
recent columns. 

1999 Walt Disney's "Tarzan" opened. 

2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia
and Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed
to work toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS
probes to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission
since Lunar Prospector in 1998. 

2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement,
judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of
Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language. 

2017  smiled.

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Vacation Hold 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 17

Tomorrow is Father's Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers out there!

Fathers Day in da hood

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole $93,000 from city 
to help finance butt lift and shopping trips.
Today, June 17 in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians 
from teaching in Syria. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain (1835 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' __________ (Beriberi = symptoms of thiamine (vitamin B1) deficiency) _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From 2005 BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Los Angeles Major power disruption in Los Angeles Los Angeles Major power disruptions throughout the city of Los Angeles. According to the L.A. Fire Department, tens of thousands of people were trapped on escalators and at pedestrian crossings. White and black Americans view the power disaster in starkly different ways, with more blacks viewing race as a factor in problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll. More blacks than whites said they were angry about the government's slow response to the problem, and the blatant discrimination against blacks, non-smokers and the poor. According to polls conducted by CNN and AOL, President Bush is one target of their ire. CNN expects the inevitable looting caused by the Bush administrations failure to deal with the power disaster to start by mid afternoon, and has booked extra advertising for the evening broadcasts. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor and by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Natwaina Clark, 33, Gainesville, Florida Florida woman stole $93,000 from city to help finance butt lift and shopping trips. What would you do for the booty? A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000 from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville Sun. Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses' cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly $900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club, and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other miscellaneous purchases. A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship. A Florida woman has been charged with felony larceny and felony scheme to defraud after she stole more than $93,000 from the city of Gainesville, according to the Gainesville Sun. Natwaina Clark, 33, used her city credit card 136 times for unauthorized charges totaling roughly $61,000, her bosses' cards for $31,000, and stole her coworker's card for nearly $900. She used the money to fill up her PayPal account, buy a large television, go on a food shopping spree at Sam's Club, and get a Brazilian butt lift totaling $8,500, among other miscellaneous purchases. A former city staff specialist, Clark began improperly using the cards in November of 2015 and continued until March of this year. She was fired on March 21 and arrested a week later on the 28th while vacationing on a cruise ship. What Is A Hosted Call Center Content Hub Hosted call centers are growing in popularity thanks to the diverse range of benefits that they offer companies of all sizes. Ad by Primus For Business The city first noticed the charges after its parks, recreation and cultural affairs department overspent its budget. Until then, the department failed to properly review its expense reports. The human-resources department also failed to alert others about Clark's criminal history, which included arrests for similar charges in a separate Florida county where she still had an outstanding warrant. All of this could have been avoided, according to an internal report by the city, if human resources had done the necessary background check for all new employees. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Vacation hold Dear Webby, I was just wondering if there's way to put my humor letter "on hold". Next week I'm going on a long vacation and as much as I love reading the humor, I'm trying to minimise the amount of e-mail waiting for my return, so other then unsubscribing and then re-subscribing, do you have any suggestions? I'm not very versed on computer applications so please be gentle. Thanks! Maria Dear Maria Unsubscribing definitely works, but there is a more elegant solution. Simply make a mailbox and call it HUMOR, then make a filter that filters everything with "Humor:" in the subject line or that is from "" into that mailbox without cluttering up your IN box. That way, if you do have extra time later, you can skim through there and see what arrived while you were on vacation. It will also build you a nice archive of jokes and goofy pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux, he had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bibs and pulls out a pint a dat moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs kinda roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more frogs!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from How to Roast a Cheap Cut of Beef By Bobbie [166 Posts, 11 Comments] I found this information very useful and have used it often to prepare a chuck roast and also a round roast. Both cuts of meat are on sale often here in Texas. It doesn't matter how inexpensive the chuck or sirloin roast, if it turns out so tough and flavorless that no one will eat it, it was no bargain at all. But a bad experience doesn't mean you should shy away from those thrifty cuts. It means you need to learn how to prepare even the cheapest cuts of beef so you can expect perfect results every time. The three economy cuts of beef roast are chuck, sirloin and round. The chuck is fattier and somewhat tender, while the round is lean and relatively tough. The sirloin falls somewhere in between. While you can get away with buying cheap meat, you cannot scrimp on the equipment: You'll need a meat thermometer and an oven thermometer (evenIf you trust your oven's temperature gauge) because exact temperatures are the key to the best results. With what you'll save on your meat tab, you'll have more than enough to invest in the thermometers (about $5 each). The following steps are for chuck, sirloin and round cuts of varying size, although 2 to 5 pound roasts are ideal and will produce the best results. Tie the roast with white cotton string at 1-1/2 inch intervals. Tying the roast tightly makes it compact and shaped evenly, promoting even roasting. Season with salt and pepper and place the roast in a roasting pan, uncovered. Place the meat thermometer in the roast so the tip reaches the center of the thickest part. Set the oven thermometer inside the oven close to the pan. Roast at 250 degrees F until the internal temperature of the roast reaches 110 F.. Plan on approximately 25 minutes per pound, but watch the thermometer, not the clock. It will vary according to the shape and density of your roast and the amount of fat. Without removing the roast from the oven, increase the oven temperature to 500 F until the internal temperature reaches 130 F (medium rare). Remove the pan from the oven and allow the meat to rest for 20 minutes. The roast will be succulent, tender, juicy and more flavorful than it would be if you had prepared it using any other cooking method. If you have sufficient roast left over (you'll need about 1 pound to prepare the following to serve six), you will find it even better the second time around served as a wonderful Salad of Cold Roast. To 1 cup of purchased vinaigrette salad dressing, add a dollop of Dijon-style mustard and mix well. Carve the beef into thin slices. Place the slices on a large pie plate or platter, and pour about 3/4 cup dressing over the beef, with a sprinkling of thyme. Allow to marinate for several hours (if you have time), basting several times. Line a serving platter with lettuce leaves that have been tossed with a spoonful or so of the vinaigrette. Mound 2 to 3 cups potato salad in the middle. Place the beef slices around the potatoes, and decorate the platter with such items as tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, black olives, rings of red onions and fresh parsley. By Bobbie G from Rockwall, TX
voice activated elevator
____________________________________________________ >From Manin Dear Webby: How about this one... He grabbed me by my slender neck I could not yell or scream He took me to his bedroom Where we could not be seen He tore aside my wrap and gazed upon my form I was cool and chilly He was nice and warm He pressed his feverish lips to mine and drank my very life away he made me what I am today... AN EMPTY, BOTTLE OF BEER !!!! Cheerio Manin ___________________________________________________
What an amazing carving from a single tree!
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament bible story. As she moved around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being created. Then she came to Little Johnny, who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. The teacher said, "It's a lovely picture, Johnny, but which bible story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question and said, "Well, it says in the bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury. And THAT is a '59 Plymoth Fury just like grampa has on blocks in the weeds!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ In a train carriage one day were two small boys and a middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling. Its spelled ' W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B '" "No its not. It's spelled 'W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B'" The lady leans over and says "Excuse me, but I think you'll find its spelled 'W-O-M-B'". First little boy replies "Nah, that is you, but we are talking about a hippopotamus farting underwater!"

Today, on June 17, in
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria. 

1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for England.

1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston. 

1789 The Third Estate in France declared itself a national
assembly, and began to frame a constitution. 

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire. 

1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The patent
was for a process that made rubber easier to work with. 

l1848 Austrian General Alfred Windischgratz crushed a Czech
uprising in Prague. 

1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China. 

1861 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed Dr. Thaddeus
Lowe demonstrate the use of a hydrogen balloon. 

1872 George M. Hoover began selling whiskey in Dodge City,
Kansas. The town had been dry up until this point. 

1876 General George Crook's command was attacked and defeated
on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne under the
leadership of Crazy Horse. 

1879 Thomas Edison received an honorary degree of Doctor of
Philosophy from the trustees of Rutgers College in New
Brunswick, NJ. 

1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard the
French ship Isere. 

1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hangar in

1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect American
interests in Mexico. 

1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd and
voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the German
Army. (World War I) 

1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome. 

1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if Germany
was allowed to join. 

1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the first
woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed the
highest tariff on imports to the U.S. 

1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese
Communist leader Ho Chi Minh. 

1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000
veterans massed around the Capitol. 

1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia.

1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World War

1941 WNBT-TV in New York City, NY, was granted the first
construction permit to operate a commercial TV station in the

1942 Yank, a weekly magazine for the U.S. armed services,
began publication. The term "G.I. Joe" was first used in a
comic strip by Dave Breger.
1944 French troops landed on the island of Elba in the

1944 The republic of Iceland was established. 

1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney
transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL. 

1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that were
rioting against the East German government. 

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of the
Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools. 

1965 Twenty-seven B-52's hit Viet Cong outposts but lost two
planes in South Vietnam. 

1970 North Vietnamese troops cut the last operating rail line
in Cambodia. 

1985 Judy Norton-Taylor was photographed for "Playboy"

1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population
Registration Act. The act had required that all South Africans
for classified by race at birth. 

2017  smiled.

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Mix or match hard drives 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

>From Patricia
I am always so glad when you get back from Calgary.  I miss
the Newsletter when you are gone.  The jokes are so funny and
the history lesson makes me get some eduketen. Â  Â I hope
that one day you will no longer need to have those shots in
your eyeballs.
There are sure some idiotic people in this world and some very
cruel.  This planet is such a beautiful place, but spoiled by
the humans who were created to care for it.  Please stay well
and keep on giving us news and funnies.
Your friend in Alabama, U.S.A

Dear Patricia
My next injections are July 6

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Husband who robbed bank to escape wife 
is sentenced to home confinement
Today, June 16 in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --- Steven Wright (1955 - ) Putin offered Comey and Hillary political asylum. What does he know, that CNN is not telling us? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied loudly and forcefully: "One hour and 45 minutes!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd probably limp too." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture. Echinopsis, the tall night-bloomer, just closing as the sun comes up. Tomorrow I'll show you one from Lillemor, that is even whiter. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lawrence John Ripple, 71, Kansas City, Kansas Husband who robbed bank to escape wife is sentenced to home confinement A 70-year-old man charged with robbing a Kansas City, Kan., bank said he did it because he preferred a jail cell over living with his wife. Lawrence John Ripple is charged in federal court with the Friday afternoon robbery of the Bank of Labor at 756 Minnesota Ave. According to court documents, Ripple handed a teller a note that read, “I have a gun, give me money.” The teller complied. But instead of fleeing, Ripple took the money and then took a seat in the bank lobby, according to the documents. When a bank security guard approached him, Ripple told the guard, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.” The guard took the money from Ripple and held him until police arrived, which wasn’t long, because Kansas City, Kan., police headquarters is on the same block. When he was questioned later by investigators, Ripple told him that he and his wife had argued and he “no longer wanted to be in that situation,” according to the documents. “Ripple wrote out his demand note in front of his wife … and told her he’d rather be in jail than at home,” an FBI agent wrote in the affidavit filed in support of the robbery charge. A remorseful 71-year-old man who robbed a Kansas City, Kan., bank last September and told police he hoped to land in prison to escape his wife told a federal judge Tuesday that heart surgery had left him depressed and unlike himself when he committed the crime. Though Lawrence John Ripple pleaded guilty to bank robbery in January and could have spent up to 37 months in prison, his attorney and federal prosecutors asked a U.S. District Court judge for leniency. That request was supported by the vice president of the bank and the teller whom Ripple frightened, said Assistant U.S. Attorney Sheri Catania. U.S. District Court Judge Carlos Murguia sentenced Ripple on Tuesday to six months of home confinement after public defender Chekasha Ramsey and Catania cited Ripple’s health issues, remorse and unlikeliness to reoffend. Ripple will also serve three years of supervised probation, including 50 hours of community service. He was ordered to pay $227.27 to the bank he robbed — the amount representing the billable hours for bank employees who were sent home on the day of robbery — and $100 to a crime victims fund. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rick Re: Second Hard Drive Dear Webby, I need a second hard drive for my machine. Does it have to be the same old FAT format as the old drive, or can I use NTFS ? Thanks Rick Dear Rick Stick the new drive into a USB external drive box. It will take care of any mix and match concerns. Then just plug the cable from the box into any free USB port. Have FUN! DearWebby
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at my mother-in-law's home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Japanese Style Fried Chicken (Karaage) A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and! sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," he answered. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Greetings From Joe Cocker
____________________________________________________ A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. Shortly after the psychic stashed her rather exorbitant fee, her eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" ___________________________________________________
People are awesome-2017.
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug."He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained about the chandelier falling on them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Two girls were discussing pranks they had played on people in the past while waiting for a bus. After they boarded a crowded bus and one of them whispered to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you on the bus. Am I glad to see you. Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired." The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before, but he rose and said pleasantly, but by no means quietly: "Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant probably isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether she can post bail to get your boyfriend out of jail for a while."

Today, on June 16, in
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. 

1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke. 

1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven Castle
in Scotland. 

1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of Ligny,

1858 In a speech in Springfield, IL, U.S. Senate candidate
Abraham Lincoln said the slavery issue had to be resolved. He
declared, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." 

1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first America
roller coaster opened. 

1897 The U.S. government signed a treaty of annexation with

1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated. 

1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St. Petersburg. 

1909 Glenn Hammond Curtiss sold his first airplane, the "Gold
Bug" to the New York Aeronautical Society for $5,000. 

1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first American helicopter
flight at College Park, MD. 

1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security pact. 

1932 The ban on Nazi storm troopers was lifted by the von
Papen government in Germany. 

1940 Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain became the prime minister
of the Vichy government of occupied France. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the closure
of all German consulates in the United States. The deadline
was set as July 10. 

1955 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to extend
Selective Service until 1959. 

1955 Pope Pius XII excommunicated Argentine President Juan
Peron. The ban was lifted eight years later. 

1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on President
Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was suppressed by the

1961 Rudolf Nureyev defected from the Soviet Union while in
Paris, traveling with the Leningrad Kirov Ballet. 

1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit aboard
the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was the first
female space traveler. 

1972 Ulrike Meinhof was captured by West German police in
Hanover. She was co-founder of the Baader-Meinhof terrorist
group and the Red Army Faction (Rote Armee Fraktion). 

1975 The Simonstown agreement on naval cooperation between
Britain and South Africa ended. The agreement was formally
ended by mutual agreement after 169 years. 

1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted against
the South African government's plan to enforce Afrikaans as
the language for instructions in black schools. 

1977 Leonid Brezhnev was named the first Soviet president of
the USSR. He was the first person to hold the post of
president and Communist Party General Secretary. He replaced
Nikolai Podgorny. 

1978 U.S. President Carter and Panamanian leader Omar Torrijos
ratified the Panama Canal treaties. 

1978 The film adaptation of "Grease" premiered in New York

1980 The movie "The Blues Brothers" opened in Chicago, IL. 

1981 The "Chicago Tribune" purchased the Chicago Cubs baseball
team from the P.K. Wrigley Chewing Gum Company for $20.5

1983 Yuri Andropov was elected chairman of the Presidium of
the Supreme Soviet. The position was the equivalent of

1984 Wilson Ferreira Aldunate was arrested upon his return
from an eleven year exile. Aldunate had been a popular
Uruguayan opposition leader. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush welcomed Russian
President Boris Yeltsin to a meeting in Washington, DC. The
two agreed in principle to reduce strategic weapon arsenals by
about two-thirds by the year 2003. 

1996 Russian voters had their first independent presidential
election. Boris Yeltsin was the winner after a run-off. 

1999 The U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said that a 1992
federal music piracy law does not prohibit a palm-sized device
that can download high-quality digital music files from the
Internet and play them at home. 

2000 U.S. federal regulators approved the merger of Bell
Atlantic and GTE Corp. The merger created the nation's largest
local phone company. 

2000 U.S. Secretary of Energy Bill Richardson reported that an
employee at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico
had discovered that two computer hard drives were missing. 

2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex

2017  smiled.

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Stuttering video 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 15

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wyoming college student caught shoplifting from 
Walmart said she was studying kleptomania
Today, June 15 in
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. --- Carl Jung (1875 - 1961) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two groups of scouts go on a double decker bus for a weekend trip to Atlantic City. One group is all girl scouts and the other is all boy scouts. Once upon the bus, the boy scouts head upstairs and the girl scouts hang out on the bottom level. The girl scouts group has a ball. They're whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the boys upstairs. She decides to go and check on them. When she gets up to the top deck, she finds all of the boys frozen in fear, staring straight ahead, each clutching the seat in front of them. "Whoa, whoa -- what's going on here? We're having a GREAT time downstairs!" One of the boys replies through chattering, frightened teeth, "Yeah, but you girls have a driver!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Bonnie: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture. This one bloomed today Tomorrow I'll have a picture of his Echinopsis, the tall night-bloomer. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lydia Marie Cormaney, 23, Gillette, Wyoming Wyoming college student caught shoplifting from Walmart said she was studying kleptomania A Wyoming college student who told officers she was working on a term paper on kleptomania after she was caught shoplifting faces three felony charges. The Gillette News Record reports 23-year-old Lydia Marie Cormaney was arrested on June 5 after trying to leave Walmart with nearly $1,900 worth of merchandise. Court records say investigators later found thousands of dollars' worth of stolen items in her dorm room at Gillette College. Cormaney told officers she began shoplifting after being forced to move into a new dorm room, away from her roommate who had many of the household items. She said she was caught once when she tried to leave Walmart with three flat-screen televisions. Cormaney made an initial court appearance on June 8 and did not enter a plea. A preliminary hearing is set for Wednesday. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Stuttering video Dear Webby, Hope your eyes are doing better these days. I just got a new computer about a month ago and since that day when i try to play a video, it plays for about 10 or 15 seconds and then it seems to start clocking and then it starts again and about a minute later it does the same thing. i have tried to change the setup for the video but to no avail....i just don't understand. could it be the speed of my internet connection doing this? any assistance will be greatly appreciated. Randall Dear Randall Yes, that is the speed of your connection. There is nothing you can do on your side. You can try stuttering it through once, then playing it again and hope your computer cached it all and is then playing it from the cache. Forget streaming video like online cooking courses or sermons. The stuttering will ruin them. Consider upgrading your connection to DSL, if you can. If you have neighbors close by, you can set up a wifi and sell them a share for half of your connection cost. They won't get into your computer, but will be able to use your DSL as if they were a family member in the next room. Unless they have kids, who download huge movies, you won't notice any slowdown. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Japanese Style Fried Chicken (Karaage) By attosa [334 Posts, 1,543 Comments] Karaage (pronounced kara-ah-geh) is a super yummy Japanese style fried chicken. It has always been my favourite as far as fried foods. You can have them as an appetizer, but we eat them as one of many little dishes when we make Japanese food. It's delightful with a squeeze of lemon and superfine powdered salt. Total Time: 30 minutes Ingredients: 1 lb boneless skinless chicken thighs cut into 1 inch chunks 2 Tbsp soy sauce 2 tsp grated fresh ginger 2 Tbsp Mirin or Japanese sake (or any rice wine or dry sherry) 1/4 cup corn or potato starch 1/4 cup all purpose flour oil for frying lemon wedges Steps: In a plastic bag or in a bowl, add chicken, soy sauce, and ginger and toss until chicken is thoroughly coated in marinade. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and up to 8 hours. Heat oil in a large pot or wok over high heat until it reaches 350F. Whisk cornstarch and flour in a bowl. Add cornstarch and flour mixture to chicken pieces until well coated. Carefully add chicken to oil one at a time, making sure not to crowd the pot. Cook in batches, stirring occasionally, for 5 to 7 minutes each batch. Drain on a paper towel. Serve immediately, garnished with lemon slices and a side of powdered salt. Enjoy! Keep a metal lid handy while the oil is heating, and don't go checking your email in the meantime. Oil fires are harmless if you have a metal lid to put onto the pot, but will destroy your home if you try to use water to put the fire out. Just put the metal lid on the pot, turn off the burner and with electrical stoves, move the pot to a cool area of the stove top. Then go outside for five minutes. Everything will be fine. Any other method to deal with oil fires is stupid and often suicidal. Keep a metal lid handy when using oil for deep frying! I don't want to lose subscribers! Here you can see a brave firefighter demonstrating what happens with different methods of dealing with an oil fire. Have FUN! DearWebby
Dances with Deer
____________________________________________________ >From Liz: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh...what should I feed Lily for lunch?" ___________________________________________________
A town where the dead outnumber the living.
>From Linda While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye. "Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pyjamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would never wear that!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first boy was to say "My fair maiden... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark, a pistol shot." Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there staring out at the audience, frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words: "My fair maiden... I have come to kiss your snatch!! And fill your hole with soap." The second boy yelled..."Hark! A shistol pot! A postle shidd! A shiddle pot!" He turned and while fleeing the stage screamed: "AAAAARGH! I never wanted to be in this stupid play anyway!." The audience was howling.

Today, on June 15, in
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 

1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 

1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo. 

1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in
Jamestown, VA. 

1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully-
documented human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused
the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy. 

1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a
thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the
relationship between lightning and electricity. 

1775 George Washington was appointed head of the Continental
Army by the Second Continental Congress. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for the process
that strengthens rubber. 

1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute
concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by
signing a treaty. 

1864 An order to establish a military burial ground was signed
by Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. The location later
became known as Arlington National Cemetery. 

1866 Prussia attacked Austria. 

1877 Henry O. Flipper became the first African American to
graduate from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. 

1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation
of Hawaii. 

1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball. 

1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated
in the state of New York. The company was later renamed
International Business Machines (IBM) Corp. 

1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish
captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916. 

1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000
for successfully completing the first, non-stop trans-Atlantic
plane flight. 

1938 Johnny Vandemeer (Cincinnati Reds) pitched his second
straight no-hitter. 

1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans. 

1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan
during World War II. 

1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the
partition of India. 

1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn would be
closed indefinitely "for repairs", cutting off Berlin.

1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the
Cypress issue. 

1964 The last French troops left Algeria. 

1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa
Halaby, who became Queen Noor. 

1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in
military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987. 

1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended
as Argentine troops surrendered to the British. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on
abortion by striking down state and local restriction on

1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the
chief engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed
for mishandling the incident at the plant. 

1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the
government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign
countries for prosecution. 

1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to
spell "potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee.
He had relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by
the student's teacher. 

1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic

1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo
boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 14

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Minnesota Father arrested for rubbing hot sauce 
into eyes of 2-month-old child.
Today, June 14 in
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived 
in Timor in a small boat. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. --- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ) To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions. --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager. "Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, " ... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half." The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager. "Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams." "Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager. Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." ______________________________________________________ Alaska is polluting! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shawn Michael Foltz, 31, Moorhead, Minnesota Minnesota Father arrested for rubbing hot sauce into eyes of 2-month-old child. A Minnesota man is accused of abusing his 2-month-old daughter, including rubbing hot sauce and cayenne pepper in her eyes and blocking her airway until she turned blue, the Duluth News Tribune reports. Shawn Michael Foltz, 31, of Moorhead, was charged Friday with neglect of a child, malicious punishment of a child and two counts of third-degree assault. A criminal complaint obtained by the newspaper alleges Foltz also snapped his daughter with a towel, burned her with hot water and threw fireworks in her face. The abuse happened from about April 10 until May 30, according to the complaint. Authorities learned of the abuse after the child's mother brought her to the hospital with visible injuries. When interviewed by police, Foltz admitted to some of the abuse, the newspaper reports, and also said he would think about ways to harm the baby while he was at work. Foltz is being held under a $100,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Dialect site Dear Webby, You had a link once for a site, that turned everything into a goofy dialect. Does that site still exist? Olga Dear Olga It sure does! Dialectizer Have FUN! DearWebby
A genie gave three physicians one wish each. The first physician said, "I'm already the smartest pediatrician in the world, but I'd like to be 25% smarter." Poof! The pediatrician became 25% smarter. The second physician said, "I'm already the smartest neurologist in the world, but I'd like to be 50% smarter." Poof! The genie made the neurologist 50% smarter. The third physician told the genie, "I'm not only the smartest surgeon in the world, but I'm also the smartest doctor. But, just to be sure, I'd like you to make me 100% smarter." "This is the third and final wish," the genie said. "If I fulfill your wish, I can't change you back." "Just make me 100% smarter," the surgeon demanded. "Okay," said the genie. Poof! "You're a nurse practitioner!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Steamed Fiddleheads By l_rambou [13 Posts, 2 Comments] Fiddleheads are a fern that are harvested as a vegetable. They are full of vitamin A and C as well as a good source of fibre and omega 3 fatty acids. They are a spring time vegetable that taste very similar to asparagus. I am steaming these but fiddleheads can also be used in soup, salad and pastas. They are usually available fresh at the local markets or they can be found in the frozen food section in most grocery stores. You can also harvest your own. They grow along the river edge in some areas. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 3-4 Ingredients: 1 lb fresh fiddleheads 6 - 8 cups water salt and pepper lemon butter Steps: Cut of the ends off of fiddleheads. Rinse well under cold water. Put fiddleheads in colander, and place over a pot of water. Cover and bring the water to a boil. Steam the fiddleheads for 20 minutes or until they are cooked to your liking. Add butter, salt and pepper and a squirt of lemon juice if you wish. Serve immediately. Steamed Fiddleheads and tiny potatoes make a nice side dish beside fish on a canoe trip. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Mexican Cheese Mattress - from my sister
____________________________________________________ "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with." *** "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a head- ache." ___________________________________________________
Stunning Portraits from the 2017 Nat Geo Travel Photographer of the Year Contest
>From Bob The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick; adjusted the padding, tension, lift and bounce of her bra, then turned to me and asked, "Does this look natural?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Dear Webby- My wife and I can't agree on our vacation. -I want to go to the Bahamas, and she wants to go with me!!! Bill C

Today, on June 14, in
1775 The Continental Army was founded by the Second
Continental Congress for purposes of common defense. This
event is considered to be the birth of the United States Army.
On June 15, George Washington was appointed commander-in-

1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in Timor
in a small boat. 

1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his reaping

1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper. 

1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston. 

1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the
Republic of California. 

1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory. 

1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote. 

1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World War

1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. Captain
John Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from Newfoundland to

1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with the
U.S. allowing American intervention in his country. 

1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at Auschwitz in
German-occupied Poland. 

1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied
loud speakers announced the implementation of a curfew being
imposed for 8 p.m. 

1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren could
not be made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so conflicted
with their religious beliefs. 

1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and steel
works factory on Honshu Island. 

1945 Burma was liberated by Britain. 

1949 The state of Vietnam was formed. 

1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed for
the U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's first
commercial computer. 

1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear
powered submarine. 

1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order
adding the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance. 

1954 Americans took part in the first nation-wide civil
defense test against atomic attack. 

1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon, South

1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The space
probe's flight took it past Venus. 

1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the
Falkland Islands. 

1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary
knighthood from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that are
used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication. 

1994 The New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup by defeating the
Vancouver Canucks. It was the first time the Rangers had won
the cup in 54 years. 

2017  smiled.

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Psychics on the Internet 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 13

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas toddlers die after teenage mom intentionally
left them in car for 15 hours
Today, June 13 in
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children 
may not be sent by parcel post. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) "A slender acquaintance with the world must convince every man that actions, not words, are the true criterion of the attachment of friends." --- George Washington ------------------ Women, however, need words and chocolate in addition to mere actions. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jacob (87) and Rebecca (82) are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a super drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers "Yes". Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." Jacob: "What about vitamins, constipation, and sleeping pills?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ How To Interpret Employment Ads "Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you. "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up. "Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day. "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend. "Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around. "Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left. "Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on. "Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect. "Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Hawkins, 19, Kerrsville, Texas Texas toddlers die after teenage mom intentionally left them in car for 15 hours Two toddlers are dead after authorities in Texas say their mother intentionally left them inside of a car for more than 15 hours as she hung out with friends on Tuesday night. Amanda Hawkins, 19, was arrested on two counts of abandoning or endangering a child following the tragedy involving her young daughters, the Kerr County Sheriff’s Office announced Friday. Sisters Brynn Hawkins, 1, and Addyson Overgard-Eddy, 2, were initially described as in “grave” condition after taken to a hospital in Kerrsville by their mother and a 16-year-old boy on Wednesday. There, their mother told hospital staff that the girls collapsed after smelling flowers at a lake, Sheriff W.R. “Rusty” Hierholzer said in a release. “They thought maybe they got into something poisonous,” Hierholzer recalled the mom’s story to Fox San Antonio. He said the story, however, quickly started to fall apart. An investigation by the police and child protective services found that Hawkins had intentionally left the girls overnight in her car while at a friend’s. Around noon the next day she found them unresponsive in the car, Hierholzer said. “Some of the witnesses said that they could hear the kids crying outside and told her to bring them in but she didn’t want to,” he told KENS 5. Instead of immediately seeking help, Hierholzer said the mom bathed them and redressed them. She allegedly told authorities that she didn’t want to take them to the hospital “because she didn’t want to get into trouble.” According to Fox San Antonio, someone talked her into taking them to a hospital. Around 5 p.m. the next day, they were taken off ventilator systems and died, Fox San Antonio reported. An autopsies of the bodies are currently underway. “This is by far the most horrific case of child endangerment that I have seen in the 37 years that I have been in law enforcement,” Hierholzer said in his statement. Hierholzer said charges against the girls’ mother may be upgraded because of their deaths. It will be up to a grand jury to decide. The 16-year-old boy may also face charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Psychics on the net Dear Webby, I have often wondered how those psychics that offer their services via email can do their readings over the Internet. Rhonda Der Rhonda Always remember, "Spammers Lie". Those "psychics" are just a bunch of silly crooks. The only thing they read is your credit card. All you get is some vague generalities that would fit anybody. Whenever I look in the trash for something else that I accidentally deleted, I always see a bunch of spam from "psychics". If they had the slightest bit of psychic ability then they would know that I filter their spam into the trash, unread. I would gladly do a psychic reading of the aura attached to your email, but my psychic abilities are telling me that considering your gullibility index, you are probably overdressed for the season. Have FUN! DearWebby
Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple they'd not seen for several years. Each couple tried to re- capture knowledge of the other by recounting their histories. "And soon after we were married," Sarah began, "we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth." "You had a baby, I presume," said the other husband. "Nope," Dick broke in, "Sarah's mother came to live with us."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Ham with Sweet Mustard Sauce By l_rambou [12 Posts, 2 Comments] Mustard tastes good with ham. You can use the extra sauce on your vegetables, potatoes or rice. You can add pineapple which is always nice with ham and makes an even sweeter sauce. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 45 minutes Total Time: 55 minutes Yield: 3-4 Ingredients: 1 ham 1/3 cup yellow mustard 1/4 cup dijon mustard 1/4 cup brown sugar Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Slice ham and place in casserole dish. Stir together the mustards and brown sugar until well blended. Pour the sauce over the ham. Making sure all slices are covered. Cover and place in oven. Cook for 30 minutes, then remove the cover for the last 15 minutes of cooking. ____________________________________________________
Don't give up on the sea gulls, keep watching!
____________________________________________________ Allan moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. You definitely have the Hinkley nose like your Grandpa, but you should get a better barber. The hairstyle you got is not flattering for a good looking young man like you!" ___________________________________________________
An amazing 21-year-old artist brings history to life through color.
"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle of the night feeding?" "No. I always did that." "That must have been before you had women's liberation." "No, it was before we had baby bottles."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a hundredth of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin that it is kosher."

Today, on June 13, in
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked on
an expedition to Africa. 

1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American colonies
to help with their rebellion against the British. 

1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington by Mrs.
Alexander Hamilton. 

1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then then sold
the rights for $400. 

1866 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by
the U.S. Congress.

1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized. 

1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and Chinese
Christians erupted into violence. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful parachute
jump from an airplane in Jefferson, Mississippi. 

1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may
not be sent by parcel post. 

1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack on hiccups. He
hiccuped over 435 million times before stopping. He died in
1991, 11 months after his hiccups ended. 

1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied Ruhr
and the rest of Germany. That did not go over well at all.

1927 Charles Lindbergh was honored with a ticker-tape parade
in New York City. 

1927 For the first time, an American Flag was displayed from
the right hand of the Statue of Liberty. 

1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the

1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. They were
soon captured. 

1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against Britain
from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10 rockets only
5 landed in Britain and only one managed to kill (6 people in

1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder. 

1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been
installed by the French. 

1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea. 

1966 The landmark "Miranda v. Arizona" decision was issued by
the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that criminal
suspects had to be informed of their constitutional rights
before being questioned by police. 

1967 Solicitor General Thurgood Marshall was nominated by
President Lyndon B. Johnson to become the first black justice
on the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1971 The New York Times began publishing the "Pentagon
Papers". The articles were a secret study of America's
involvement in Vietnam. 

1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces from

1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in compensation
for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black Hills in South

1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the first
spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was launched in March
1972. The first up-close images of the planet Jupiter were
provided by Pioneer 10. 

1988 The Liggett Group, a cigarette manufacturer, was found
liable for a lung-cancer death. They were, however, found
innocent by the federal jury of misrepresenting the risks of

1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and
Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the Exxon Valdez
oil spill. 

1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more
nuclear tests in the South Pacific. 

2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il welcomed
South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day summit. It was
the first such meeting between the leaders of North and South

2017  smiled.

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Lighting for group photo 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 12

Thank you, Nancy!!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops
about her romping with THREE teenage pupils 
Today, June 12 in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they
met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people. --- Socrates Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a butterfly. --- Dona Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy. --- Richard Milhous Nixon ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager. "Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit..." he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, " ... and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half." The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked the store manager. "Fessairton, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "home of ugly women and great hockey teams." "Oh, my WIFE is from Fessairton," challenged the manager. Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, "What team was she on?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and said, "To clean out all his bank acconts before the inlaws get at them?" ______________________________________________________ Brittany, France _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erin McAuliffe, 25, Rocky Mount, North Carolina Math teacher, 25, jailed after her colleagues tipped off cops about her romping with THREE teenage pupils McAuliffe has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory School in North Carolina The investigation was launched after admin staff at her school tipped off cops about alleged misconduct involving the maths tutor. All the reported romps with the three boys two 17, one 16 took place away from school, police said. McAuliffe has been charged with three counts of sexual activity with a student and one of indecent liberties with a minor. She has been sacked from Rocky Mount Preparatory, North Carolina, where she had worked since last August. Her bosses said: "We have been fully cooperative with local law enforcement during the course of their handling of this matter." McAuliffe is being held at Carteret County Jail after she was taken into custody on Thursday. She is due in court on Monday. The Rocky Mount job was the first time McAuliffe worked as a teacher full-time, according to her Linkedin profile. She also offered "after-school tutoring to help struggling students improve their critical thinking and problem-solving skills." McAuliffe also worked to "develop alternate enrichment activities and modifications in student programs to increase student understanding." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brian Re: Light / Flash placement Dear Webby, I was picked (on) to take the volunteer award pictures. I remember that you said to avoid flash if at all possible, but I don't remember what you said about where to place lights. The overhead lights are pretty good and I have room to place hat racks with quartz construction lights on both sides of me. What do you suggest? Brian Put all lights to one side of you. Otherwise you kill contrast. An outstretched arms length or a bit more distance is best. The height of the lights should be a hands width higher than their heads for young people, and about waist high for older people. Low lighting makes double-chins disappear and is generally more flattering to older people. Have FUN! DearWebby
A second grader arrived home after school and shocked his mother by announcing, "Today we learned how to make babies." Risking further embarrassment, the mother asked for details on how to make babies. "It's simple, the boy replied, "Just drop the'y' and add 'ies."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Make Dry Shampoo With Baking Soda and Baby Powder By Dorin [4 Posts, 30 Comments] I mix baking soda with baby powder as a great dry shampoo. I recommend the lavender/chamomile baby powder. The baking soda cleans off build up, and the baby powder soaks up the oil. It's absolutely great when you don't have time for a shower, and gives your hair great body! By Dorinmoz from Sugar Land, TX ____________________________________________________
All By Myself at the airport
____________________________________________________ The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn't answer the question about the cause of death of his father. The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged. The wise salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: 'Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'" ___________________________________________________
Wish I could visit all of these places.
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. --------------- That's even worse than we used to have at Scare North (Air North). There the choice was: "Frozen or thawed?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Edna Dear Webby, can you please try to find that old bricklayer's accident report again? You haven't told that one for five years at least, and I can't find it any more. Thanks Edna No Problem, Edna. I have sent that around since the days when I did it via fax, before the internet. Here it is: I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone. Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs. I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred.

Today, on June 12, in
1099 Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they
met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 

1442 Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 

1665 England installed a municipal government in New York. It
was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam. 

1812 Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 

1839 Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball, according
to the legend. 

1849 Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529 A) 

1897 Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object later
became known as the Swiss army knife. 

1898 Philippine nationalists declared their independence from

1900 The Reichstag approved a second law that would allow the
expansion of the German navy. 

1901 Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by
accepting the Platt Amendment. 

1918 The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit
occurred on World War I's Western Front in France. 

1921 U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man to
attend military training camp. 

1923 Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet above
the ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 

1926 Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over plans
to admit Germany. 

1935 U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the longest
speech on Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2 hours and was
filled by 150,000 words. 

1935 The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and
Paraguay had been fighting since 1932. 

1937 The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under Joseph

1941 In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed. It
was the first step towards the establishment of the United

1944 Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced that he
would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek in the war
against Japan. 

1948 Ben Hogan won his first U.S. Open golf classic. 

1963 "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex Harrison, and
Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli Theatre in New York

1963 Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot in
front of his home in Jackson, MS. 

1967 State laws which prohibited interracial marriages were
ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found guilty of
corrupt election practices in 1971. 

1979 Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man powered,
across the English Channel. 

1981 Major league baseball players began a 49 day strike. The
issue was free-agent compensation. 

1981 "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S. 

1982 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in New York
City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James Taylor, Bruce
Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in attendance. 

1985 Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of the
NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the league Most
Valuable Player. 

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27 million in
aid to the Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 South Africa declared a national state of emergency.
Virtually unlimited power was given to security forces and
restrictions were put on news coverage of the unrest. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail
Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. 

1990 The parliament of the Russian Federation formally
declared its sovereignty. 

1991 Russians went to the election polls and elected Boris N.
Yeltsin as the president of their republic. 

1992 In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris Yeltsin
stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union had shot down
nine U.S. planes and held 12 American survivors. 

1996 In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a law
against indecency on the internet. The panel said that the
1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon the free
speech rights of adults. 

1997 The U.S. Treasury Department unveiled a new $50 bill
meant to be more counterfeit-resistant. 

1998 Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital Equipment
Corp. in largest high-tech acquisition. 

1999 NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of Kosovo
in Yugoslavia. 

2003 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time in
nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July 13,
1984, after being injured in a car accident. 

2009 In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission to
digital was completed.

2017  smiled.

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Connect via wireless in new home 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 11

Thank you, Nancy!!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Northern Irish man, 29, punched two-year-old toddler girl 
in the face leaving her with brain injuries just so he 
could watch X Factor in peace.
Today, June 11 in
1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef 
off of Australia when he ran aground. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Children are all foreigners. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. --- Sir Frederick G. Banting (1891 - 1941) Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. --- James Thorpe Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. --- Barry LePatner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." And the neighbor said, "Well, in that case, you won't be using your golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darren Fagan, 29, Portadown, Co Armagh, Northern Ireland Northern Irish man, 29, punched two-year-old toddler girl in the face leaving her with brain injuries just so he could watch X Factor in peace. A THUG who punched a two-year-old girl in the face so he could watch the X Factor in peace was today jailed for a total of 13 and a half years. Darren Fagan's sickening attack left the toddler with "life- changing" brain injuries, Belfast Crown Court heard. The court was told how Fagan, 29, confessed to a probation officer he "punched the child to her head as she would not stop crying" while he was trying to enjoy the TV talent show with his partner the child's mother. The judge heard at the time of the assault on October 19, 2014, the young victim was aged two years and four months. At that point, her mother, who was separated from the child's father, had met Fagan about "eight to 10 times". After the child was put to bed in her home in Bessbrook, Co Armagh, Northern Ireland she became unsettled prompting the mother to go and check on her. Deciding to fetch her some medicine from the kitchen she said she noticed that Fagan was no longer in the living room. As she went upstairs, the mother alleged that her daughter "stopped crying" and she heard a "sudden noise like a thud". A prosecution barrister told the court: "She says that within three seconds of hearing the thud she was in the room and saw the defendant standing up, crouched over her daughter's bed. "She noticed a large lump on the left side of her head." The barrister added: "She shouted at him: 'Oh my God, you've hit her!' "And the defendant replied: "No, it's not what it looks like." Doctors discovered that the toddler had sustained severe head injuries, including multiple fractures and a brain haemorrhage. A judge at Belfast Crown Court branded his claim the child had struck her head when her mother fell carrying her down the stairs as "cowardly, vindictive and shameful". The court heard that Fagan, formerly of Portadown, Co Armagh had an "extensive criminal record" including convictions for violence. One of those convictions was for assaulting the 20-month-old child of a previous partner. Fagan pleaded guilty to a single charge of causing grievous bodily harm with intent. A charge of attempted murder was left on file. He was also handed an extended custodial sentence of three years "for the protection of the public". ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Wireless Network Dear Webby, We had to move because of the flood and will be in a rented house for some time. We need to connect a home network for my two girls and one for hubby and one for me. It's an older house and there is no cabling like we have in our house. What do you suggest? Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda Getting cabling installed could be very expensive. Your best bet is to get a wireless router, if your router does not have those telltale little antennas on it. Most computers nowadays have wireless capability. If yours doesn't, get a USB wireless Network card for the machines that don't have wireless. After that, it's just a matter of clicking on the network icon in the bottom right corner, and stepping through the setup. It's not difficult, but depending on your ISP, can be a bit tedious. If necessary, call your ISP's support, and they will step you through the setup. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: On a street, where the speed is limited to 30 mph the police stop a driver. "Not only have you been driving too fast, you've been passing cars where it is not allowed. Your lights don't work, and your tires all completely worn out. This is going to cost you a lot. What's your name?" "Schtrathewisizeski Vocgefastilongchinic." "Well, I'll let you go this time, but don't do it again!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Wasp Repellent By Jill Kayser [1 Post] Wasps seem to hate warm soapy water. I attached a sprayer to my hose with simple dish soap in it. I applied some several times during the day and have successfully deterred a large nest that was visible and inside my covered porch structure. I have animals and plants and was reluctant to use a bunch of wasp spray. ____________________________________________________
Rain in Africa
____________________________________________________ Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat. "It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?" "Why, no. Is she up to anything special?" Mrs. Smith leaned closer. "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!" Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in something besides running around with boys." ___________________________________________________
Unbelievable places that really exist.
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour," she said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."

Today, on June 11, in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor
in Germany. 

1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine
of Aragon. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off
of Australia when he ran aground. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 

1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted
to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven automobile. 

1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off
from the roof of a hotel. 

1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 

1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished
Flying Cross. 

1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426
feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called
a bathysphere. 

1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure. 

1936 The Presbyterian Church of America was formed in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army

1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at
Malta in the Mediterranean. 

1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease
agreement to aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II. 

1943 During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria
surrendered after a heavy air bombardment. 

1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for
trying to integrate restaurants. 

1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to
enroll at the University of Alabama. 

1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 

1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of
Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 

1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an
end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held
by South Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and the six
terrorists were killed. 

1982 Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened. 

1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister
in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of office. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would
prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 

1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption
of ash and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles. 

1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate
crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also
ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had
a constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship

1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 

1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end
the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S.
government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women
at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes
from male workers. 

1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and
offered to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 

2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the
first time it was held in Africa. 

2017  smiled.

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Is eBay safe? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 10

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub
and menacing their mother with a knife
Today, June 10 in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to 
write a Declaration of Independence. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye nd see his equal." -- Winston Churchill ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking about a specific condition, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" , in the back of the room, raised a hand and said, "A basketball coach?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question. "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it's a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?" ______________________________________________________ Greenland, Aurora and Milky Way _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leland Foster, 27, Ada, Oklahoma Man Shot Dead After Seen Trying To Drown Babies In Tub and menacing their mother with a knife An Oklahoma man was shot dead by a neighbor while trying to drown his 3-month-old twins in a bathtub on Friday, authorities said. A 12-year-old girl, who was able to escape the home in Ada, alerted the neighbor to the horrific scene inside, prompting him to enter with a handgun, News 9 reported. The neighbor told police he saw 27-year-old Leland Foster holding the babies under water while threatening their mother with a knife. The neighbor, identified as Cash Freeman, responded by shooting Foster twice in his back, killing him. The infants were taken to a hospital and released on Saturday, KXII reported. It's awful because I've held the babies and, like, I've played with them and I just gave them clothes yesterday, neighbor Summer Pierce told KFOR News. Freeman, speaking to KFOR off camera, said he was only trying to save the babies and expressed concern that he may be in trouble. The district attorney's office will ultimately determine whether charges are warranted. Foster had a history of violence, criminal records show. In 2011 he was charged with arson and domestic violence by strangulation in the first degree after being accused of choking his ex-girlfriend and setting her clothes on fire inside an apartment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roberta Re: Is E-Bay safe? Dear Webby, I am fairly new to the Internet and have some questions about buying stuff from e-bay. Have you ever bought anything from there? How safe is it? Roberta Dear Roberta Yes, I have bought many things via ebay, from software to electronics. I have always been happy with my purchases. It's quite safe to buy stuff via ebay. They are a huge company and can't afford to let any crooks giving them a bad name. If somebody tries something crooked, they jump on them with both feet. Here are some tricks to make your shopping there easier: 1) Get a PayPal account and an ebay account. 2) If you want a certain item, check with to see how much it is in the stores. 3) Decide how much you are willing to budget for that item. 4) Put that amount into your Automatic Maximum Bid, but leave the automatic bidding turned off. 5) Bid a small amount to get into the action. 6) Watch the bidding but just quietly observe until a few minutes before closing of that item. Then turn the automatic bidding on. It will top all other bids with the incremental amount that you have chosen, but stay within your set maximum amount. As long as you do #2 and #4, you won't get carried away with auction fever and spend too much. Always pay for what you won immediately. Most sellers will reciprocate and ship just as promptly. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Frank: When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was "comfortable underwear." Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know which ones to pick?" "Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered. "If you smile, put them back."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Sunflowers in Containers By EllenB [846 Posts, 1 Comment] Sunflowers do great in containers. In fact, container gardening has gotten so popular in the past few years that there are now literally dozens of varieties of sunflowers available that have been developed specifically for growing in containers (e.g. 'Big Smile', 'Italian White', 'Music Box', 'Elite Sun', etc.). Almost any variety can be grown successfully in containers, as long as you meet its growing conditions and provide it with a big enough pot. The really tall or mammoth varieties will likely need staking to remain upright in pots. Plant seeds in full sun, using a light potting soil or soil- less mix. Plant the seeds to a depth of 1 inch (6 inches apart) and expect to see them germinate quickly. Days to maturity will vary according to each variety. Seedlings of regular varieties will need to be thinned to 12 to 18 inches and given plenty of room to grow and spread out. Dwarf varieties can be packed in a little more closely together, but still need to be spaced at least 4 to 5 inches apart. Sunflower roots are quite large and like to spread out. Mammoth varieties grow best in half barrels or containers that are at least 6 to 18 inches deep and 12 inches wide. Smaller containers will keep plants from reaching their full growth potential. Sunflowers grown in containers need to be watered daily and even more frequently during really hot weather. Feed them a 1/2 strength water-soluble fertilizer every other week or so to support big blooms, and mulch around the tops of the containers to help conserve moisture. ____________________________________________________
spelunking in the Ozarks
____________________________________________________ Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went into the hallway to talk to her husband Bernie. "I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." ___________________________________________________
Incredible art work out of sand. Click on his web site to see more of his work.
Thanks to Dave for this one: While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty for the seasonal favorite Chili Contest: *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili) Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili) Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili) Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer! Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic) Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover) Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety) Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili) Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili) Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

Today, on June 10, in
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a
Declaration of Independence. 

1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the
first public zoo. 

1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the
U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to
travel safely through the Mediterranean. The Marines settled
that in short order.

1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first

1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American

1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by
Americus F. Callahan. 

1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of
wax crayons. The product was named Crayola. 

1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The
Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off
the Azores. 

1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the Arabs
during the Great Arab Revolt. 

1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman

1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC
radio. It was the first political convention to be on radio. 

1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book
that denied the theory of evolution. 

1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on
a rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered
by Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her

1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and
Dr. Robert Smith. 

1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition,
Canada declared war on Italy. 

1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a
Hungarian journalist. 

1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock. 

1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his
first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11

1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy. 

1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-

1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been
produced successfully. 

1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the
Six-Day War. 

1970 A fifteen-man group of special forces troops began
training for Operation Kingpin. The operation was a POW rescue
mission in North Vietnam. 

1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China. 

1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years. 

1985 Frank Sinatra was portrayed as a friend of organized
crime in a "Doonesbury" comic strip. Over 800 newspapers
carried the panel. 

1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days
of occupation. 

1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free
elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President
Vaclav Havel. 

1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first
free elections in more than four decades. 

1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was
extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the

1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against
Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was
suspended along with most financial transactions between Haiti
and the U.S. 

1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks.
The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded. 

1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in
Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense. 

1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan
Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo.

2017  smiled.

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Email forwarding scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman passed out in running Jeep
Today, June 8 in
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the 
river he named Saint Lawrence. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) My favorite animal is steak. --- Fran Lebowitz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Alf My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! An they want money!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by DUH? Abby Hart, 33, St. Johns Florida St. Johns County woman passed out in running Jeep A St. Johns woman was found passed out in a Jeep -- with the windows up and her foot on the brake, a St. Johns County Sheriff's report said. Abby Hart, 33, was charged with DUI shortly after being found around noon on Tuesday. The St. Johns County Sheriff's Office received a report that a 2016 Jeep Laredo was driving erratically on Valley Ridge Parkway near Nocatee. Hart's Jeep was followed by a deputy and later found sitting in the left turn lane on U.S. 1 to Race Track Road. The Jeep had not moved despite several green lights, the report said. Deputies said they were forced to wedge a patrol car in front of the Jeep to prevent Hart from waking up and possibly causing a crash by driving off. Hart did wake up, deputies said, and her Jeep moved forward and struck a patrol car. Hart had a Sutter Home Pinot Grigio wine bottle between her legs, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said, and several empty bottles in the front seat. When Hart was asked where she was going, she said she was going home and that the police needed to let her go, the report said. She also attempted to go back to sleep while in the car, police said. Hart refused to perform field sobriety tests and refused to take a breath test, police said. Hart was held overnight in the St. Johns County Jail and was released early Wednesday on $1,000 bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Janina Re: Forwards Dear Webby, I imagine you get this question now and then but I would like to ask you anyway.... those silly "forwards" we get that say ..... This is the coolest thing I have ever gotten. All you have to do is send it to 7 people and watch your screen, it is the funniest clip. I can't tell you what is but I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair!!! So, send it to those 7 people and watch. ... Janina Dear Janina Those are all just gullibility traps for collecting addresses to spam to. If somebody is silly enough to forward stuff like that, chances are good that all kinds of snake oil can be sold to them. The only chain letter that does not get you onto a spam list is this one: Safe Chain Have FUN! DearWebby
Daffinitions: 1.Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. 12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and can not be cast out. 18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Peppers in Containers By Duane De Vries [1 Post, 59 Comments] I'm in West Michigan, zone 5 I think. I have very good success using what is referred to as Self Watering Containers. I use 5 gallon food grade plastic buckets that I get from a pizza shop. If you are not familiar with Self Watering Containers they are a container with a false bottom about 3 inches or so from the real bottom. Cut an opening in this false bottom and fasten a plastic jar that has holes int it. When you fill the container with your potting soil, fill this first, then the rest of the container. This will act as a wick to draw up water. I put a length of tubing (hose or whatever) through the false bottom so it extends out the top for easy access. Drill an overflow hole in the bucket about a half inch or so below the false bottom. Then when adding water through the tube, if you add too much, it will drain out. This method allows the plants to draw water as needed. I have successfully grown regular tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, a variety of peppers (green bell, hot peppers) in these. They are spread about on my deck as my arthritis prevents me from the old style of garden. I'm very pleased with the results.
Lullabye to an elephant
____________________________________________________ John had given Judi one of those new fangled electric coffee makers for an anniversary present. Within a week she was taking it back to the store. The lady at the return counter asked her if it worked. "Oh sure, it makes a great cup of coffee. Just like the booklet said, I plug it in, set the timer, go on to bed, and, when I get up, the coffee's ready!" "So, ma'am, what's wrong with it?" "I don't want to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee." ___________________________________________________
Seven materials that may change our lives forever.
One cold and rainy day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!" She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it." Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor. The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne, who used to have a trucking company, for this story: Truck driving in 1962 Back about 1962 when I had just started driving tank trucks, me and my instructor each drove separate trucks. One night as we were returning to our delivery area, we were hauling road oil, we stopped for coffee at an old truck stop along old route 66 in south central Illinois. As we drank our coffee outside the restaurant, two guys came along with a large male raccoon. My instructor asked what they were going to with it and they said "we don't know" My buddy asked them:"Do you want to see something funny?" They said sure, so my buddy gets an old gym bag out of his truck, dumps his stuff out of it, borrows a pair of gloves and stuffs that mad raccoon into the bag and zips it shut. The next move was to take the bag set it alongside the main highway and run back to the station parking lot. Just as planned, an old turquoise Plaza Plymouth screeches to a stop, a long arm reaches out and snags the bag. Off they go with a cloud of blue smoke following them. About the time the car gets to sixty, more blue smoke from sliding tires, the doors fly open and everybody bails out and they are looking back. Pretty soon that nasty raccoon comes ambling out of the car, and everybody in the parking lot is on the ground laughing. Well worth the loss of an old gym bag.

Today, on June 9, in
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of Castile.

1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river
he named Saint Lawrence. 

1790 John Barry copyrighted "Philadelphia Spelling Book." It
was the first American book to be copyrighted. 

1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique. 

1860 The Ms. Ann Stevens book "Malaeska, the Indian Wife of
the White Hunter" was offered for sale for a dime. It was the
first published "dime novel." 

1923 Bulgaria's government was overthrown by the military. 

1931 Robert H. Goddard patented a rocket-fueled aircraft

1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies
cartoon "The Wise Little Hen." 

1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War II. 

1943 The withholding tax on payrolls was authorized by the
U.S. Congress. 

1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan would
fight to the last rather than accept unconditional surrender. 

1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the USS
George Washington, was launched. 

1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding black
men from the Mormon priesthood. 

1980 Richard Pryor was severely burned by a "free-base"
mixture that exploded. He was hospitalized more than two

1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was kidnapped in
Lebanon. He was not released until November 1991. 

1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the Challenger
disaster. The report explained that the spacecraft blew up as
a result of a failure in a solid rocket booster joint. 

2000 Canada and the United States signed a border security
agreement. The agreement called for the establishment of a
border-enforcement team. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to repeal gift
and estate taxes. The bill called for the taxes to be phased
out over 10 years. 

2001 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to win three Conn Smythe
Trophies. The award is given to the playoff's Most Valuable

2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was
performed. It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem

2017  smiled.

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How to change watch batteries 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 8

It was time to replace the battery in my watch. That used to
be no problem. I used to just go to Walmart, buy the battery
and flirt the lady into changing it for me.

Well, times have changed. Watch batteries now are $6.27, and
there are signs there that the staff won't change the
batteries for you.

It's actually quite easy if you have good sight or a
magnifying glass or sheet. More in the tech support pits.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash 
Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home.
Today, June 8 in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it. No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check. Twice. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ had lost weight over the past few years, and was heaving items from the wardrobe, that no longer fit, into a box that a boyscout held for a charity drive. "Wow," Text-End said, "I must have worn these when I was 195." The boyscout looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Breon Hollings, 22, Jacksonville, Florida Drug Dealer Brags Over Live Stream About His Cash Just As Cops Bust In And Raid His Home Breon Hollings started a Facebook Live stream to show off all of his drug money. What he didn’t expect was that the police were already outside with a search warrant, and they were coming in (video below.) 22-year-old Breon Hollings can be seen counting money in a Facebook Live video and repeatedly exclaiming, “This [expletive] don’t stop, man,” for about a minute before he hears deputies on a loudspeaker outside his home. As Hollings runs out of the room, deputies can be heard in the background shouting, “This is Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office. We have a search warrant.” This is followed by a series of loud noises, which neighbors told Fox 30 were smoke grenades thrown into the house. Hollings was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of cocaine and possession of paraphernalia for the manufacture or delivery of drugs. Hollings has a long criminal history in Duval County, including previous drug charges, court and Jackson Sheriff’s Office records show. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Me Re: Change watch battery Dear Webby How to change a watch battery For many years I used to go to Walmart, buy a watch battery, and flirt the lady there to install it for me. Now they raised the price of watch batteries and have signs there that they won't install watch batteries. Well, that is a nuissance, but not really a big deal. Here is how you change a watch battery: You need a sharp small screwdriver, the old-fashioned flat balde type, and, depending on your eyesight, a magnifying glass or magnifying sheet. Lay the watch face down on the table or clamp it into a toy or craft vise. Take the screwdriver or a knife and pry up the back. You will be surprised how easily it comes up. Since usually your wrist presses it in, it does not have to be glued or screwed in. Once the back plate is off, you will see the battery. Check with the magnifying glass to read the number and compare with the one you bought. If they are the same, look for the + sign. If you see a + sign, then the new battery has to be in there the same way, with the + sign on top. Now take your little screwdriver or a tooth pick and lift out the old battery. Toss it, so that there is no chance of a mix- up. Now push in the new batter so that the + faces in the same direction. Finally, put the back plate back on, push it in as far as it goes, and check if it is on straight. If it is on straight, put a book on it and whack the book with a fist or elbow. Done. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Marigolds to Control Bugs on Your Tomato Plants By poehere [41 Posts, 50 Comments] The marigold flower is the best way to control bugs on your tomato plants. The roots of the flower control the bugs in the soil and the flower will protect your plants from bug infestation. When you plant your tomato plants in the ground, surround them with marigold flowers. The flowers are easily grown from seeds or you can gather your own seeds from the dried flowers. Once the flowers have died pick them and pull them apart. Inside each flower is a lot of grain. The flowers will self germinate. During heavy winds or rains the dead flowers will lose their seeds. The seeds are spread around the garden and will grow again. Therefore, its only necessary to buy one or two packages of marigold seeds for your garden. You can recover your flower seeds each year and store them in an air tight container in your refrigerator. This preserves the seeds for 8 months to 1 year.
First person video of Joplin Tornado 2011 - Very dark, audio only. The next video is of where they they were actually were during the tornado! Aftermath of where they actually were during the tornado
____________________________________________________ At a Wal-Mart in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man stole a pair of Backroad Blues brand blue jeans. He took the jeans into the dressing room, took off his old ones, cut the tags off the new ones, and left his old jeans and the tags from the new ones in the dressing room while he walked out of the store. He was arrested the next day. The new jeans were on sale for $9.92. His old jeans had $15 and a printed out letter to him that included his AOL address, in a pocket. ___________________________________________________
A bizarre street in New Zealand.
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found. But the day came when I had to go - I left the kids with Ma. But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?" So without thinkin' I said, "Sure," How tough could that job be? An' I bent down and kissed her An' said, "I'll be back by three." Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret Ever offering to buy that thing - I worked me up a sweat I walked into the ladies shop My hat pulled over my eyes, I didn't want to take a chance On bein' recognized. I walked up to the sales clerk - I didn't hem or haw - I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra." >From behind I heard some snickers, So I turned around to see Every woman in that store Was a'gawkin' right at me! "What kind would you be looking for?" Well, I just scratched my head. I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said. She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong. Follow me," I heard her say, Like a dog, I tagged along. She took me down this alley Where bras was on display. I thought my jaw would hit the floor When I saw that lingerie. They had all these different styles That I'd never seen before I thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store. They had bras you wear for eighteen hours And bras that cross your heart. There was bras that lift and separate, And that was just the start. They had bras that made you feel Like you ain't wearing one at all, And bras that you can train in When you start off when you're small. Well, I finally made my mind up - Picked a black and lacy one - I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done. But then she asked me for the size I didn't hesitate I knew that measurement by heart, "A six-and-seven-eighths." "Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn't right." "Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive - I measured them last night!" I thought that she'd go into shock, Musta took her by surprise When I told her that my wife's bust Was the same as my hat size. "That's what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair, But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am." This drew another stare. By now a crowd had gathered And they all was crackin' up When the lady asked to see my hat, To measure for the cup. When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay. Then I turned to leave the store, Tipped my hat and said, "Good day." My wife had heard the story 'fore I ever made it home. She'd talked to fifteen women Who called her on the phone. She was still a-laughin' But by then I didn't care. Now she don't ask and I don't shop For women's underwear.

Today, on June 8, in
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 

0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 

1786 In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was
advertised for the first time. 

1790 The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary
Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789
by Alexander Hamilton. 

1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 

1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction
vacuum cleaner. 

1872 The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S.

1915 U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned
in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the

1934 The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to
use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew
from Cincinnati to Chicago. 

1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in
Washington, DC. 

1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin
fighting offensively. 

1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the
Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab
neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later
called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis-
identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly
investigated the incident. 

1969 U.S. President Richard Nixon met with President Thieu of
South Vietnam to tell him 25,000 U.S. troops would pull out by

1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the "Mormon
will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly written by
Howard Hughes. 

1982 U.S. President Reagan became the first American chief
executive to address a joint session of the British

1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra hearings.
She said that she had helped to shred some documents. 

1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to honor
veterans of the Persian Gulf War. 

1994 The warring factions in Bosnia agreed to a one-month

1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was rescued by
U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia after his F-16
fighter was shot down on June 2. 

1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast. 

1998 In the U.S., the FTC brought an antitrust complaint
against Intel Corp., alleging its policies punished other
developers of microprocessor chips. 

1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting anti-
pollution devices in 1.6 million cars. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir, ending
America's three-year partnership with Russia. 

2000 The Dallas Stars and the New Jersey Devils played the
NHL's longest scoreless game in Stanley Cup finals history.
The fifth game of the series lasted 106 minutes and 21
seconds. The game ended with a goal by Mike Madano that
allowed the Stars to play a game six back in Dallas. 

2001 Marc Chagall's painting "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was
stolen from the Jewish Museum in New York City. The 8x10
painting was valued at about $1 million. A group called the
International Committee for Art and Peace later announced that
they would return the painting after the Israelis and
Palestinians made peace. 

2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known
continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S. Pacific
Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico border on
September 28.

2017  smiled.

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Which ISP for DSL? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 7

A telemarketer gave me a good laugh today.
I was a bit distracted because I was reading an email at the
time, so instead of putting her on (permanent) hold, I said:
"I don't have a phone, send me an email." 
She apologized as I was hanging up.

If she did send an email, Mailwasher washed it.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and 
jumped in Fox River, has been recovered
Today, June 7 in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they 
had discovered between themselves.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own. --- Sidney J. Harris Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bill: I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going from a gas to a solid, skipping the intermediate liquid stage. He gave as an example water vapor in the air icing on a windshield overnight to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting "dry ice'' as the answer. One of the students blurted out, "Burritos." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ When I was discussing fund drives of universities with a few friends, one told this story: "I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. "Sure enough, a few years ago Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' some perky alumnus asked. "I responded, 'Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars, running moonshine and selling a bit of dope on the side.' "They've never called back." ______________________________________________________ South Haven, MI, onLake MI _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernest Prentic, 29, Carpentersville, Illinois Body of Illinois man, who failed to pay tab and jumped in Fox River, has been recovered A man who jumped into the Fox River after allegedly skipping out on a restaurant tab in a northwest Illinois suburb has been found dead. Algonquin police said in a statement that the body of 29-year- old Ernest Prentic of Carpentersville was discovered in the river around 6:30 p.m. Friday. Police were called about 9:20 p.m. Thursday to Nero’s Restaurant in Algonquin after reports that a man later identified as Prentic had run out without paying his tab. A fisherman saw him leap into the river. Dive teams searched the area until midnight and resumed their search Friday morning. Prentic’s body has been turned over to the Kane County coroner’s office. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Priss Re: Which ISP for DSL Dear Webby About the harping on ISP's---I have always been an earthlink customer and have been very satisfied but I am thinking of getting DSL---with Southwestern Bell--- What is your opinion on this? Thanks Priss Dear Priss Southwestern's DSL seems to be OK, like most companies' DSL. Check out what Earthlink can offer you in your area. Quite often they act as a re-seller or work through local DSL and are actually cheaper. That way you could stay with them and would not have to change any addresses. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady lost her handbag at the mall. found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact the main office."
talking baby
____________________________________________________ Thanks to David for this one: (He's not worried that his mother will read his submission. She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss a call from him) Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers) Jewish Mother Hello? Daughter Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Jewish Mother You're going out? Daughter Yes. Jewish Mother With whom? Daughter With a friend. Jewish Mother I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. Daughter I didn't leave him. He left me! Jewish Mother You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. Daughter I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? Jewish Mother I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. Daughter There are lots of things that you did and I don't. Jewish Mother What are you hinting at? Daughter Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. Jewish Mother You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? Daughter My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! Jewish Mother So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? Daughter He's not a loser. Jewish Mother A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. Daughter I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Jewish Mother Poor children with such a mother. Daughter Such a what? Jewish Mother With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. Daughter ENOUGH !!! Jewish Mother Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Daughter Now you're worried about the loser? Jewish Mother Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Daughter Goodbye, mother. Jewish Mother Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! Jewish Mother If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone? Daughter I am going to become a Catholic and look for a Catholic man with a Catholic mother! ___________________________________________________
Mesmerizing weather photography and the music goes so perfect with the storms.
>Thanks to Martin for a little ecumenical information - Four Religious Truths 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me if I don't.

Today, on June 7, in
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had
discovered between themselves. 

1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of

1546 Peace of Ardes ended the war between France and England. 

1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France. 

1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of

1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United

1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration of

1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops. 

1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire. 

1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and
Tientsin in China. 

1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of

1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence
as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome. 

1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC,
demanding their bonuses. 

1935 Pierre Laval received emergency powers to save the franc.

1937 The cover of "LIFE" magazine showed the latest in campus
fashions of the times, which included saddle shoes. 

1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived in
the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a reigning
British monarch. 

1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted
4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft,
and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, the
destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307

1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in
the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians
one year later. 

1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B.
Anthony sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived. 

1948 The Communists completed their takeover of

1955 "The $64,000 Question" premiered. 

1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home
videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for

1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The
mission featured the first spacewalk by an American. 

1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10
miles northwest of Danang in South Vietnam. 

1968 Legoland Billund opend in Billund, Denmark. It was the
original Legoland park. 

1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only
nuclear reactor. 

1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its
consulates and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that
they could not longer remain in the U.S. 

1994 The United States District Court for the Eastern District
of Virginia declared the RMS Titanic, Inc. (RMST) salvor-in-
possession of the wreck and the wreck site of the RMS Titanic.

2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the
breakup of Microsoft Corporation. They appealed.

2017  smiled.

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Live date on a web page 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 6

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Today, June 6 in
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison (1847 - 1931) Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner With ogling, the fine line between a complimenting, appreciative glance and an obnoxious stare is not measured in seconds, but depends on the mood of the ogled person. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Another reader wrote to talk about her trip to the dentist. She had her youngest daughter, 3 year old Paige, sitting in the waiting room with her while Paige's older sister was in with the dentist. Paige was keeping herself busy playing with the toys in the waiting room until she noticed her mom was resting -- her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched right up to her mother, looked her straight in the face, and shook her shoulder. "Mommy! Wake up! This is not CHURCH!" ______________________________________________________ Amazing what some people will do to be able to find their car in the mall parking lot ! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Saul Nunez, 19, Bronx, NY 19-Year-Old Arrested In Unprovoked Beating Of 90-Year-Old Man The suspect in Friday's brutal cane attack on a 90-year-old man in Inwood was arrested last night, the NYPD announced. According to police, 19-year-old Saul Nunez of the Bronx was taken into custody last night and charged with two counts of assault and one count of criminal possession of a weapon by a felon for allegedly striking a 90-year-old man in the head with a cane on Friday night. The 90-year-old man, identified as Juan Llorens, is a bottle collector known around the block where the attack happened according to CBS. Llorens told a reporter with the channel that the attack left him deaf in one ear, and that he had no idea who Nunez was before Nunez assaulted him. "Everyone knows him as like the grandfather," a witness told CBS. "If something happens, I’m not going to let this guy get attacked." The Post had further background on Llorens, who was a former history teacher in Cuba before emigrating to the United States, where he worked as a butcher in Harlem. Llorens also told the paper about the attack, telling a reporter “They hit me with a big bat. I don’t know who it was. He was young and skinny. He just kept beating me...I don’t understand how someone can just attack someone like that. This is someone who is very dangerous." ABC7 had a pair of surveillance videos of the attack, one that showed a different angle of the assault and its aftermath as witnesses aided the victim and another that showed a bystander chase the suspect while another person on the sidewalk took a wild swing at the fleeing perp. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sunny Re: Date for web page Dear Webby How do I put a live date onto my web page? I don't want to use one of those silly clocks, just a simple display that shows date and time. Anything I can find on Google was written by guys, who have too much time on their hands and are too confusing for me, and most of them don't even work! You probably have a simpler and better answer. Thanks Sunny Dear Sunny Paste this where you want the date to show <.script type="text/JavaScript"> document.write(Date()+".") <./script> That produces: You will have to delete the period after the < I only put that there so that the code shows OK in your email. If you want a very brief date like this to use in text, use this: <.script> var d = new Date(); document.getElementById("demo2").innerHTML = d.toDateString(); <./script>

Have FUN! DearWebby
Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.." The man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he proudly held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer test." The man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?" The cop replied: "I do believe ya, Paddy. But after ya fall flat on yer drunken mug, it's a lot easier to put the handcuffs on ya."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recipe: Ham Stir Fried Rice By R Barbara [159 Posts, 80 Comments] Total Time: 1 hour Yield: approximately 8 cups Ingredients: 1 cup chopped ham 1 medium onion, chopped 1 cup sliced carrots 1 cup frozen peas 1 cup frozen green beans, cut into 1-2 inches pieces 10 mushrooms, sliced 3 eggs, scrambled 4 cups cooked rice, I used brown Basmati 2-3 Tbsp oil, I used sesame soy sauce Steps: Chop ham and onions. Slice carrots. Add 1+ tablespoons of oil to skillet and fry the meat and veggies until they are tender, crisp. Remove and set aside. Add rice to skillet and fry, add additional oil as needed. Scramble eggs and pour into skillet, cook and mix throughout rice. Add ham, carrots, and onions back to skillet. Add peas, beans, and mushrooms. Mix well. Add soy sauce to taste. Continue stirring until the veggies are hot and tender crisp. Serve.
military planes in action
____________________________________________________ A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service." ___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

Today, on June 6, in
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 

1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek,

1882 The electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 

1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an
American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts, pay the
Allies for what they had spent on going to Europe and
defeating the Germans.

1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy

1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into
effect. It was a penny per gallon. 

1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 

1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin,

1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign
ships in U.S. ports. 

1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray
in Hartford, CT. 

1942 Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of
Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 

1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of
Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American, and
British troops were involved. 

1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO
guerrillas out of Beirut. 

1985 The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was
located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known
as the "Angel of Death." 

1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the
Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 

1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 

2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal
authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on
doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical
marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on
the drug.

2017  smiled.

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Why PDF? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 5

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida teacher got caught having sex with
student in the back seat of her car.
Today, June 5 in
1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is not enough to aim; you must hit. --- Italian Proverb When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Donny, the cleanest version of this ancient joke: Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.) He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and pulls, the cow farts. Ole is surprised. He looks at the farmer selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another tit, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion, Ole buys the cow and takes her home. He gets back to Minnesota, and calls over his neighbor Jimmy Mooney, and says, "Jimmy, come look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her tit, and see vat happens." So Jimmy reaches under, pulls the tit - and the cow farts. Jimmy looks at Ole and sez, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, din'tyah?" Ole is surprised since he hadn't told Jimmy about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how'd yah now?" Jimmy says, "My wife is from Nordakota." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items. Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over. Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Matching luggage?" ______________________________________________________ >from Fausto Casaccia from "We Love Lighthouses" Brittany la vieille - raz de sein - finistčre _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Police Cought Florida Drama Teacher Having Sex With Student in Back of Car Pamela Stigger, 33, Tamarac, Florida A drama teacher in Tamarac, Florida was caught by the police having sex with her 15-year-old student in the back of a car, according to the Miami Herald after local residents complained about an illegally parked car obstructing traffic and nobody in the front seats. Pamela Stigger, 33, claimed she was only trying to mentor him, after police found her at 2 a.m. Thursday, moments after she had engaged in sexual acts with a 15-year-old boy in the back of a car. 2 am mentoring in the back seat? The arrest report said the Sheriff's office found the teenager nude from the waist down and that he told the deputies he had sex with Stigger. According to a Sheriff's office spokesperson: When [Stigger] was questioned about what they were doing and if they had, in fact, engaged in sexual acts, she denied being engaged in these sexual acts, despite the fact that the young man was undressed. Considering that they were in the BACKseat with pants down, that did not fly. She also tried to claim the student tried to seduce her first, before changing her story to flat out denial. Stigger is facing two charges of sexual battery and one count of lewd conduct with a minor. She was the student's drama teacher at Forest Glen Middle School last year and holds a custodial relationship over him. Stigger who has worked for the school since 2008, has been put on administratively reassigned duties away from the school, and will not be permitted access to students. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby Why are people using PDF for e-books? It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs or chapters. How do you get around that? Sandra Dear Sandra The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their hard work from copy-cats like you, who want to steal their work and claim it as their own. The second reason is that PDF makes a book look and print the same no matter what kind of computer the reader uses. The third reason is that it puts everything, text and pictures into a nice, neat package without the need for lots of lose files. If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture, size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it. You can import PDF into Office Libre and some other programs. Have FUN! DearWebby
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table... then they hid, pretending they were not at home. The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard." So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it. Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all three items. The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined... " "What's this mean!?" his wife asked quizzically. "I'm afraid our son's going to be a politician!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Chamomile By EllenB [810 Posts, 1 Comment] Description: Chamomile has dainty, daisy-like white flowers with yellow centers set on top of thin stems of feathery green leaves. It comes in creeping or trailing varieties, and seldom grows to more than 12 inches high. Flowers of the creeping varieties contain properties sought after in the herb garden and give off a lovely, apple-like scent. Life Cycle: hardy perennial Exposure: full sun or partial shade Cultivation: Chamomile isn't fussy about the soil it grows in and adapts well to poor conditions. Sow seeds in a sunny location in the spring and once established, plants will readily reseed and spread themselves all over your garden. The plants look straggly when planted on their own and look better in large groups or "drifts". Propagation: division or seeds Parts Used: flowers Harvesting and Storage: Use a scissors to clip flowers from stems just as they fully open. Spread them out on racks or in shallow pans to dry, and store in an airtight container away from direct sunlight. Medicinal Uses: insomnia, digestive relief, and mouthwash Culinary Uses: teas, German Chamomile can be added to sour cream to top potatoes Other Uses: hair care, skin care, wreaths, dried flowers, potpourri, and perennial gardens
Camomile is a very hardy weed and will grow nicely in the center of rural roads even in the Yukon. Once it is firmly established your "Tea Farm" will spread on it's own. Nothing to worry about with lawn. It does not like getting mowed. You can harvest it all you want, just don't ever mow it. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Tire Jump
____________________________________________________ Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?" Customer (sadly): "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone." ___________________________________________________
People are awesome for the month of May 2017.
A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

"Young man," the mother sternly addressed her son, "there were three cookies in the pantry this morning. May I ask how it happens that there is only one now?" "It was dark so I didn't notice the last one."

Today, on June 5, in
1595 Henry IV's army defeated the Spanish at the Battle of

1752 Benjamin Franklin flew a kite for the first time to
demonstrate that lightning was a form of electricity. 

1794 The U.S. Congress prohibited citizens from serving in any
foreign armed forces. 

1827 Athens fell to the Ottomans. 

1851 Harriet Beecher Stow published the first installment of
"Uncle Tom's Cabin" in "The National Era." 

1865 The first safe deposit vault was opened in New York. The
charge was $1.50 a year for every $1,000 that was stored. 

1917 American men began volunteering for the World War I

1924 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson transmitted the first facsimile
message across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1933 President Roosevelt signed the bill that took the U.S.
off of the gold standard. 

1940 During World War II, the Battle of France began when
Germany began an offensive in Southern France. 

1942 In France, Pierre Laval congratulated French volunteers
that were fighting in the U.S.S.R. with Germans. 

1944 The first B-29 bombing raid hit the Japanese rail line in
Bangkok, Thailand. 

1946 The first medical sponges were offered for sale in
Detroit, MI. 

1947 U.S. Secretary of State George C. Marshall gave a speech
at Harvard University in which he outlined the Marshall Plan. 

1956 Premier Nikita Khrushchev denounced Josef Stalin to the
Soviet Communist Party Congress. 

1967 The National Hockey League (NHL) awarded three new
franchises. The Minnesota North Stars (later the Dallas
Stars), the California Golden Seals (no longer in existence)
and the Los Angeles Kings. 

1967 The Six Day War between Israel and Egypt, Syria and
Jordan began when they attacked israel.

1975 Egypt reopened the Suez Canal to international shipping,
eight years after it was closed because of the 1967 war with

1981 In the U.S., the Center for Disease Control and
Prevention reported that five men in Los Angeles were
suffering from a rare pneumonia found in patients with
weakened immune systems. They were the first recognized cases
of what later became known as AIDS. 

1986 A federal jury in Baltimore convicted Ronald W. Pelton of
selling secrets to the Soviet Union. Pelton was sentenced to
three life prison terms plus 10 years. 

1998 A strike began at a General Motors Corp. parts factory
near Detroit, MI, that closed five assembly plants and idled
workers across the U.S. for seven weeks. 

1998 Volkswagen AG won approval to buy Rolls-Royce Motor Cars
for $700 million, outbidding BMW's $554 million offer. 

2001 announced that it would begin selling personal
computers later in the year. 

2004 The U.S.S. Jimmy Carter was christened in the U.S. Navy
in Groton, CT.

2017  smiled.

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Why are the Blacklists listing you? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 4

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at
kindergarten graduation party
Today, June 4 in
1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and 
Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. --- Socratex A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. --- Arthur Brisbane ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Brianna My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Betty This was written by a black guy in funny..... what a great sense of humor and creativity!!! When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black. You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray. So who you are callin' colored folk's ??? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tremaine Jamison, 27, Harlem, New York Harlem man shot and killed Pensylvania man at kindergarten graduation party Police say a New York City man fatally shot a Pennsylvania man who was hosting a kindergarten graduation party for his son and several other children. Witnesses tell state police that a fight or rough play between the victim's 6-year-old son and another 6-year-old led to an argument between adults that ended when 27-year-old Tremaine Jamison shot 29-year-old Devon Brown in the head. The party and shooting happened Wednesday evening at the Marion Terrace Apartments in Hanover Township, Luzerne County. That's near Wilkes-Barre, about 20 miles (32.2 kilometers) southwest of Scranton. Online court records show troopers have charged Jamison with criminal homicide and possessing a prohibited weapon by a felon. Police say Jamison lives in the Harlem section of New York City and police were continuing to search for him Friday. Jamison has previously been arrested for narcotics possession in New York City. He also served time for robbery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Enjo Re: Why are the blacklists listing me? Dear Webby I dont spam, but I have a formal newsletter that, just like yours, jumps through all the hoops, but now I am blocked by Yahoo and all their fake fronts like SBCglobal,, etc. Why is that? Enjo Dear Enjo Most likely that is due to bouncing, and not your newsletter. When somebody sends spam to you with a fake name before the @, then traditionally that is bounced back to the sender. Nowadays that is used to load down a server and break down the defenses. A hacker generates countless spams that have for example your name mis-spelled in the TO line, and a business or government address forged in as the sender. So your server bounces those phony mails to that business or Government server. When the hackers use a whole network of infected home computers to send a Million phony mails like that, the bounces overwhelm the victims server. The formal name for that is "Backscatter". If your server bounces mails like that, it gets put into some blacklists. `Not all, but some of the blacklists demand $100 or more to take you off their blacklist. Quite a racket! The trick is to NOT get onto those blacklists in the first place. Set your server to never send bounces. Also, turn off all autoresponders. Some of the Blacklists send out entrapment mails. If that entrapment mail bounces back to their trap, your server is blacklisted and Yahoo blocks mail from your server. So, stop all traditional bouncing from your server. It`s just another hoop you have to jump through nowadays. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this classic: Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, the plumber, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George and his crew of plumbers apprentices quietly parked their pickup trucks in front of Mildred's house............. and left them there all night.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Microwave Corn on the Cob By Jackie H. [230 Posts, 109 Comments] You will never boil corn on the cob again. This is easy, and the tastiest, sweetest corn ever. You are not boiling all the flavor out of corn. You can cook 1 or up to 4 at a time. The time may vary with how many you are cooking. 4 minutes in the Microwave, turning over at 2:00 minutes. Add 1 minute for add'l ears of corn. Follow examples in pictures. Being cautious of hot corn when it comes out of the Microwave. Using Mitts or pot holders is wise. Total Time: 4:00 minutes for 1 ear of corn, add'l 1 per ear. Yield: As many as you wish to cook. Source: Online for Microwave cooking! Steps: Start by removing old dark husks that are loose only. With a large sharp knife, cut of stump and about 1/4 inch into the corn. Cut away the loose silk and dead husks at the top. Rinse well in cold water. Put Corn wrapped in wet paper towel in Microwave Cook on high for 4:00 minutes, turning over after 2:00 minutes. Carefully removing from Microwave with Mitts or pot holders. With a Paper towel, just squeeze the thin end of the corn and your corn should come sliding out with no husks or silk. Keep squeezing until corn falls out neat & clean Ready to eat, Hot, sweet and delicious.
And then there is the bachelor way: Rinse the cobs Toss the cobs into the microwave Nuke them for 4 minutes Cut off the fat end at the largest point Grab the hairy end with an oven mitt and squeeze. IF you cut the fat end at the largest point, the corn will slide out without any silk. Until you get the hang of cutting at the largest point, you may have to re-cut a bit. Most corn is very fussy about that. If you cut it right, it slides out with minimal effort. Butter it a bit, sprinkle salt and pepper on it, and enjoy! Have FUN! DearWebby
Holy Mother Hear My Prayer - Clapton & Pavarotti
____________________________________________________ Two college seniors with an exam the next day had decided to party the night away instead of study. So, when they went to the test the next morning, they explained to the professor that their car had a flat tire the night before and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor gave them another day, so that evening the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the following morning, each boy was told to go into separate classrooms to take the exam. They shrugged and went into their respective rooms. As each sat down, they read the first question: "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought the exam was going to be a piece of cake and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued: "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was." ___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Kati for this story: Have you ever told a white lie? Alice was to bake a cake for the ladies' bridge group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the sale. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself. The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice sat back in her chair and almost wet herself when she heard the hostess say .. "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Here is a real Classic from a long time ago: COSTELLO BUYS A COMPUTER ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you have? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later) ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on "START"....

Today, on June 4
1615 The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu after
a six month siege. 

1647 The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a

1674 Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 

1783 A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques
Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 

1784 Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air
balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height
of 8,500 feet. 

1792 Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain.

1794 British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 

1805 Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after the
Marines defeated them. 

1812 The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the
Missouri Territory. 

1816 The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the
first stately, double-decker steamboat. 

1878 Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 

1896 Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in
Detroit, MI. The vehicle was called a "Quadricycle." 

1911 Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 

1918 French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at
Chateau-Thierry, France. 

1919 The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 

1924 An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New
York City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World
War I. 

1931 The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan
in Atlantic City, NJ. 

1935 "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward

1939 The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman
in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had
been mounted on wheels. 

1940 The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at
Dunkirk, France after a failed invasion attempt. 

1942 The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major
victory for America over Japan during World War II. The battle
ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific. 

1943 In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup
that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo. 

1944 The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by
the U.S. Navy. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome,
which began the liberation of the Italian capital. 

1946 Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president. 

1947 The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley
Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United
States to intervene in labor disputes. 

1954 French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu
Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence"
to Vietnam. 

1960 The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery
shells fired from the coast of Communist China. 

1974 The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to
the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas

1974 Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an
aviator with the U.S. Army. 

1985 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling
striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute
of silence in public schools. 

1986 Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst,
pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was
sentenced to life in prison. 

1986 The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited
the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants.
It was known as the "deep pockets law." 

1989 In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square
to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that
hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed. 

2003 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that
would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote. 

2003 announced that it had received more than 1
million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the
Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21. 

2008 The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries
to be able to buy and rent films at the iTunes Store.

2017  smiled.

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Spam complaints from Juno 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 3

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk 
To Shop At Walmart
Today, June 3 in
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade 
seized Antioch, Turkey. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. -- Abraham Lincoln To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget. --- Franklin P. Jones ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot so we can come here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the same boat today?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ came home from school and mentioned evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that evolution was nonsense. "You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled, "But I sure didn't!" ----------- Actually, that is a joke my dad told at the kitchen table about 60 years ago. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tori Castillo, 39, Riverdale, Utah Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk To Shop At Walmart A Utah mom faces child abuse charges after she allegedly locked her two kids in the trunk of a car and went shopping at Walmart. Tori Castillo was arrested and booked into jail Thursday, according to a police news release obtained by Gephardt Daily. She has been charged with four counts of child abuse involving physical injury and one of retail theft, according to the Weber County Sheriff's Office. Riverdale police arrived at a Walmart Thursday for a report of child neglect, according to the news release. A witness told them that a woman had locked children in a car's trunk. Several people heard noise coming from inside the trunk. The kids, ages two and five, were "moving frantically," "causing the vehicle to shake." Charity Maw heard them pounding against the wall, she told Good4Utah. “The little girl’s voice, just screaming, 'let me out! I’m scared,'” Maw said. “I was shocked, I was shaken, and I was mad.” Shopper Heidi, who didn't want her last name used, told Fox 13 she told the girl how to open the trunk’s emergency latch. The two sweaty children jumped out right away. While they waited for police to get there, the mother came back from the store, Heidi told Fox 13. "The only explanation she had was, 'My babysitter didn't show up.'" Police say the children were released to their father, according to Good4Utah. The state's Department of Child and Family Services is also investigating. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marian Re: Spam complaints from Juno Dear Webby I run a legitimate newsletter but now and then my web host forwards me spam complaints from Juno. They don't take them serious, and they say they just forward them for my amusement, but should I be concerned? How do you deal with situations like that? Marian Dear Marian The cause of those complaints is some JUNO user clicking on their "This is spam" button to put your newsletter on vacation-hold, so that it does not fill up their mailbox while they are away. The "techs" at JUNO's mail department don't check, they blindly malfunction and send out spam complaints. Just send them a letter telling them that they are a bunch of incompetent idiots. You can be as abusive as you want, since the apes there can't read anyway. As long as something comes back, the matter is settled. It seems that their complaints are just a klutzy way of checking if the stuff was sent by a spam machine, or by a human. A spam machine ignores them, a human tells them they are a bunch of %$& @#$%s. Just make sure they don't think you are a spam machine '-) Actually, I have not seen any complaints from there in a while. Maybe they are slowly smartening up? Don't automate your reply to them! That will get you blocked by the Blacklists and your newsletter will really be in trouble! Have FUN! DearWebby
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning Fingernails After Gardening By ShirleyE [161 Posts, 103 Comments] Even if you wear gardening gloves your hands and fingernails get ingrained with dirt that is hard to remove. So, before you put your gloves on, scratch a dampened bar of soap. Don't worry if the soap falls out of your nails as you do your gardening, there will still be enough soapiness under them to make this work. When you clean your hands later, simply add a little more soap to your nailbrush and the dirt will easily wash away. Most soils are alkaline so just as an extra measure to counteract this and to help prevent your skin and nails becoming dry course and brittle, add a little vinegar, lemon juice or other acidic foodstuff to a bowl of water for a final rinse.
when you try to pour water over Hoover Dam
____________________________________________________ While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has done so for a few Million years), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." ___________________________________________________
I'll bet this smells divine.
Thanks to Martin for this one: During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub." 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." The answer: "Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug".
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Alternative Names For Cubicles Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat Slack-In-The-Box Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club Peon Palazzo Yuppie Terrarium The SnackFood Triangle English Majors Entry Point Luxury Manhattan Apartment. Picasso's Folly Porn Downloading Headquarters Fortress of Servitude Fartorium Keyboard test lab Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2017

Today, on June 3
1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch,

1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 

1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New
Netherlands (now known as New York). 

1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army
to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775,
the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental
Army for purposes of common defense and this event is
considered to be the birth of the United States Army. 

1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first
President to live in what later became the capital of the
United States. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed
in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 

1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball
team to wear uniforms. 

1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 

1888 "Casey at the Bat" the poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer was
first published. 

1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 

1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to

1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit
four consecutive home runs. 

1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British
throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 

1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called
"degenerate art" (modern art). 

1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison
camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 

1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a
"space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 

1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first
synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 

1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a
sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy
demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 

1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international
peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes
would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from

2017  smiled.

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Best type of microphone 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thanks Joseph!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, 
told cop she bought it at yard sale.
Today, June 2 in
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American 
colonists to allow British soldiers into their 
houses, was reenacted. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless. --- Paul Johnson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Noella Every member of the Mensa organization has an IQ in the top 2 percent and has to pass a difficult test of logic and reasoning to be admitted. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members ate dinner at a local café. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker contained salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling them, using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for these Mensa members. The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Miss," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker—" "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Sarao, 35, Vero Beach, Florida Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, told cop she bought it at yard sale. Christina Sarao, 35, got pulled over in front of a home for not wearing a seat belt, but when the deputy asked for her ID she got out of her truck and started running, TC Palm reports. Sarao initially told the deputy her name was Holly Smith and her ID was inside her grandmother’s home, but the deputy recognized her since he “had prior interactions with her,” according to TC Palm. Once the deputy caught Sarao she allegedly yelled to him “I have to poop and I’m pregnant!” the arrest report states. She later admitted to the deputy that she wasn’t pregnant and the home she parked at was not her grandmother’s, according to TC Palm. When the deputy searched Sarah he found meth and a pipe in her bra, which she told the deputy she bought at a yard sale down the street, according to TC Palm. Sarao was taken to the Indian River County jail on charges of driving with a suspended license, possession of methamphetamine, giving a false name while detained, and resisting arrest, TC Palm Reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: What is the best microphone type? Dear Webby I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it. What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek, front boom, or lapel? Britta Dear Britta Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom, but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real nuisance. Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike pinned to your front. Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades, yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room. Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems, because they allow you to be farther away and have a wider focus. Front boom mikes can be absolute worst, especially if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with "chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by "t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the microphone from a head set in their hand and waves it in front of their mouth. If you use a cheap front-boom mike, position it so that it is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel, Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and select microphone boost. With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty of volume. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Angie I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Gluten Free Strawberry Delight By Litter Gitter [210 Posts, 673 Comments] My daughter gave me the recipe to try. I made it gluten free for my son's birthday. He and I both are allergic to wheat gluten and this cake is a real treat for us. It's so good, we made a pig of ourselves eating it. Gluten Free Strawberry Delight Strawberries are about to go out of season but you can leave them off and just use the strawberry glaze and it is still good. When I get my family together, this is what they want for dessert. Ingredients: Gluten free Angel Food Cake* 8 oz cream cheese 1 cup confectioners' sugar 1 Tbsp milk 8 oz Cool Whip 1 pt whole fresh strawberries, halved. 16 oz package of strawberry glaze (found in the produce section) *This recipe calls for Angel Food Cake. For a delicious homemade gluten free angel food cake, use my recipe posted on Thrifty Fun. Gluten Free Angel Food Cake Steps: Let cream cheese sit out until it is soft. Cut cake in half across to make two layers. In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, confectioners sugar and milk until smooth. Spread between layers and stack on a cake plate. Spread remaining mixture on top and around sides of cake. Place in the refrigerator and chill for a couple of hours or over night. Frost cake all over with Cool Whip. Decorate with the strawberries and drizzle with strawberry glaze.
Mother's Day Pic
____________________________________________________ The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him. ___________________________________________________
There was a lot to learn to become a Stewardess in the sixties. Those ladies were not just eye candy!
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom. The first one chickened out and I had to get another one."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

>From Paul One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus. The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect. "The head is too big," the professor explained. "The neck is too thin, the shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a carricature. We do that next semster." The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."

Today, on June 2
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 

1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to
allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 

1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror".
It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against
the French Republic. 

1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay,

1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main
attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-
year-old nurse of George Washington. 

1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law
prohibiting alcohol. 

1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played
in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 

1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented
in Great Britain. 

1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal
as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was
responding to the rumors that he had died. 

1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-
stop and double cross the English Channel. 

1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the
U.S. Congress. 

1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 

1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to
be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first
swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 

1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead
of a monarchy. 

1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster

1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were
communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 

1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-

1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and
started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's
surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 

1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to
the public. 

1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the
destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South

1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the
first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 

1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with
Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 

1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot
down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 

1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to
settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 

1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act
abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program
by requiring that all children be taught in English. 

1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won
a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson
Mandela as the nation's president. 

2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies
to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting
combinations in the same city. The previous ownership
restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 

2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be
sued under a trademark law for using information in the public
domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had
originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp.
over their use of World War II footage. 

2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left
on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso
rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's
"Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-
granddaughter of Henri Matisse.

2017  smiled.

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Difference between WebMail and POP explained 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 1

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Sex assault case comes to light after girl 
caught watching porn in school
Today, June 1 in
1944 Siesta was abolished by the government 
of Mexico.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When you have the courage to tell the truth about what you're really afraid of, fear doesn't have control over your life. --- Ali Vincent ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "Boy, I felt like a new man when I woke up!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000. The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the US Capitol than if you are in Iraq. That does not include other violent forms of death. Conclusion: Pulling out of Washington, DC should be given at least 25% higher priority than pulling out of Iraq. (My numbers may need updating!) ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Garay, 31, San Antonio, Texas Sex assault case comes to light after girl caught watching porn in school A Southwest Bexar County man is facing charges of continuous sexual assault of a child after the case came to light in an unusual way. The alleged victim, a nine-year-old girl, told it all after she was caught watching pornography in school, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. Anthony Garay, 31, was arrested Tuesday as the result of an investigation by the Bexar County Sheriff's Office. The affidavit said a teacher confronted the girl May 17 after she noticed her watching pornography on a school-issued iPad the previous day. The girl responded saying that a friend was helping her search the internet for more information on what Garay had been doing to her, the affidavit said. School officials reported the allegations to the sheriff's office and investigators questioned the child. The affidavit said that she told them Garay had been performing sex acts on her since she was seven or eight years old, and continued until that week. She also said that he had done the same thing to her sister. The court document also said that Garay had been under investigation by Child Protective Services in the past regarding allegations of sexual assault involving the same two children. However, it did not disclose what the outcome of that investigation was. Garay`s father has been on the run since he was sentenced to serve ten years for identical charges. There was no mention of the girl`s parents. Maybe they are on the run too. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alene Re: Web Mail or POP mail Dear Webby What is the difference between Web Mail and POP mail? Alene Dear Alene Traditional POP mail is stored at your local dial-up or high speed Internet provider and you pull it down to your computer with an email program that sits on your computer. Web Mail sits on a web server somewhere, often half a world away from you, and you use a mail program that is on that server to work on your mail. You save what you want to keep onto your computer. Web mail is more flexible and you can check your mail from any cyber cafe or friends place or from work, without having to install a mail program first. Some people prefer good old POP style email, just like some people prefer Diesel engines over Gasoline. Both types work well, and it just a matter of personal preferences. Some types of email providers use a mix of the two. For example Gmail is basically a Web Mail, but you can set it in the settings to act like POP mail and to forward the cleaned mail to your POP address at your own domain or your local ISP. Gmail is excellent for doing the rough primary spam cleaning of your mail. What is then forwarded to your domain or ISP based mail just needs just some final fine-tooth cleaning with MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for these Out Of Office messages: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 7. I've run away to join a different circus. 8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Margaret' instead of 'Jay'. 9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really. But with the amount of mail I get, this is the only way to deal with it. You can interprete my quick and timely response to your question as a "Definite Maybe". 10. I am currently attending a midlle management seminar on office safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and Grill down the street.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from This is slightly cleaned up from Shakespearean days: A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when a rough-looking little kid stopped him and asked, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The gentleman carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my butt!" With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running to like a maniac?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I could kiss his butt!" "So what's your hurry," said the friend, looking at his own watch. "You still have twelve minutes."
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________ >From Mia One day while driving with my 4-year-old daughter I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me for an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, 'cause you didn't yell '@#$%^& BIMBO!' afterward!" ___________________________________________________
A very brave woman who is finally getting the recognition she deserves. Too bad she didn't get it while she was alive.
>From Brent My girlfriend Tricia called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "I will murder you, if you tell anybody about this!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "Nope." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "Cause she can drive at night," the old man said.

Today, on June 1
1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIIIĆs new queen, was crowned. 

1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed.
That did not go over well at all.

1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at
the Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 

1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting
machine. It was never used.

1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into

1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after
the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-
Houston Electric companies. 

1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft
occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen
by his mechanic. 

1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over

1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the
U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men. 

1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were

1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had
produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year
association with Disney. 

1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 

1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from
Chicago to New York. 

1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete as the
Allied evacuation ended. 

1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet

1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight
from Lisbon to London. 

1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from
the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 

1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 

1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made
its debut. 

1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 

1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained
electronic tubes. 

1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois
were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year
later the FCC made this a standard. 

1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that
ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 

1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as

1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the
western-owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations
over to the Iraq National Oil Company. 

1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights
activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned
until 1986. 

1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American
embassy in Moscow. 

1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil
prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 

1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all-
news station. 

1989 Disney World's "Typhoon Lagoon" opened. 

1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From
The Earth to the Moon" opened. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the
AIDS virus. 

1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire &
Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 

1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the
firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks
over the Internet. 

2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft
to scoop Martian soil. 

2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The
filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter
bankruptcy protection. 

2017  smiled.

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Large font version on Yahoo 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, May 31

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Home invader arrested after elerly man knocks
her down and holds her until cops arrive,
after she had bloodied his wife with a club
Today, May 31 in
1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 
3 years of construction. It still works just fine.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Skill Without Imagination Is Craftsmanship And Gives Us Many Useful Objects Such As Wickerwork Picnic Baskets. Imagination Without Skill Gives Us Modern Art. --- Tom Stoppard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Couple Drove Down A Country Road For Several Miles, Not Saying A Word. An Earlier Discussion Had Led To An Argument And Neither Of Them Wanted To Concede Their Position. As They Passed A Barnyard Of Mules, Goats, And Pigs, The Husband Asked Sarcastically, "Relatives Of Yours?" "Yep," The Wife Replied, "In-Laws." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks To Mary Fields For This Story: This May Come As A Surprise To Those Of You Not Living In Las Vegas But There Are More Catholic Churches There Than Casinos. Not Surprisingly, Some Worshippers At Sunday Services Will Give Casino Chips Rather Than Cash When The Basket Is Passed. Since They Get Chips From So Many Different Casinos, The Churches Have Devised A Method To Collect The Offerings. The Churches Send All Their Collected Chips To A Nearby Franciscan Monastery For Sorting And Then The Chips Are Taken To The Casinos Of Origin And Cashed In. This Is Done By The Chip Monk! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rehnu Singh, 50, San Jose, California Home Invader Arrested After Elerly Man Knocks Her Down And Holds Her Until Cops Arrive After She Had Bloodied His Wife With A Club An Elderly Man Who Said He Pleaded To No Avail For Help From Bystanders Managed To Beat Back His Wife’S Alleged Assailant Sunday Night, Holding Down The Suspect In Front Of His Home Until Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived And Arrested Her. Yousef Youkhaneh, 82, Told This News Organization That After Wrestling With The Home Invader And Being Dragged Onto Mckee Road In Front Of His Home, He Looked Up Only To See People Slow Down Their Cars Not To Help, But To Take Photos Of The Struggle, Then Drive On. No One Stopped To Give Him Aid, He Said. "I Said, "Call Police, Somebody Help Me! I Am Tired," Youkhaneh Recalled From His Backyard Monday Afternoon, Where The Incident Began. "Nobody Did Anything." After 10 Minutes, He Said, Santa Clara County Sheriff’S Deputies Arrived To Arrest Rehnu Singh, A 50-Year-Old San Jose Woman Already On Probation For Burglary. She Was Booked Into Santa Clara County Jail For Investigation Of Elder Abuse, Assault With A Deadly Weapon, Attempted Burglary And Probation Violation, Said Sheriff’S Sgt. Richard Glennon. Glennon Said Sheriff’S Deputies Had Been Called Around 5:50 P.M. In Response To An Apparent Assault Of A Woman By A Man In The Street, But Soon Discovered Otherwise. Youkhaneh Said He Was Inside His Home Going Over Paperwork When He Heard His Wife Screaming For Help Outside The Door To The Couple’S Backyard. He Rushed Out To See His 76-Year-Old Wife Christina Youkhaneh With A Bloodied Head After Singh Had Allegedly Hit Her With A Heavy Branch. The Gash Required Eight Stitches. Drops Of His Wife’S Blood Were Still Visible On The Back Door And Pavement Monday As He Recalled Her Laying On The Ground, Exhorting Him Not To Let Singh Get Away. "She Had Tools In Her Hand And She Tried To Hit Me," Said The Retired Auto Body Shop Owner, Showing Bite Marks Left On His Hand From The Attack. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go." As They Headed Out Along His Driveway That Leads Straight Into Traffic, Youkhaneh Managed To Grab Singh’S Ankle. By The Time They Got To The Sidewalk Bordering The Traffic, "I Fell Down And She Fell Down," He Said, Lifting His Left Pant Leg To Show His Skinned Knee. "But I Didn’T Let Her Go. I Held Onto Her With All My Power." Singh Screamed To Witnesses: "I Didn’T Do It; The Man Did It!" Youkhaneh Said. He Looked Up And Saw People — Across The Street, On The Sidewalk, And Many Slowing Down Their Cars To Take Photos With Their Phones, And He Called For Help. "Why Didt They Help?" He Asked Monday. "What Kind Of People Is This Taking Pictures? Maybe Someday It Happens To Them." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Yahoos Re: Switch to regular font size Dear Webby How Do I Switch From Large To Regular Font? Similar Messages From Various Yahoos. Dear Yahoos You Got The Regular Version. Possibly You Turned The Mouse Scroll Wheel While Holding The Ctrl Or Sgrg Key, Or Since This Affected Only Yahoos, Possibly It Was Something Yahoo Did. Just Use The Ctrl Key And The Scroll Wheel To Zoom The Font To A Comfortable Size. By The Way, Any Yahoos Or Hotmail Victims, If You Experience Irregtularities With The Newsletter Delivery, Just Switch To A More Respectable Address, Like For Example A Gmail Address. You Don't Have To Give Up The Old A Ddress, Just Get The Gmail Address On The Side. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks To Cookie For The Rules She Lives By: If A Motorist Cuts You Off, Just Turn The Other Cheek. Nothing Gets The Message Across Like A Good Mooning. Follow Your Dream! Unless It's The One Where You're At Work In Your Underwear During A Fire Drill. Don't Assume Malice For What Stupidity Can Explain. (That's About Aol Tech Support) One Good Turn Gets Most Of The Blankets. Marriage Is The Triumph Of Imagination Over Intelligence. Second Marriage Is The Triumph Of Hope Over Experience. Before Marriage, A Man Yearns For The Woman He Loves. After Marriage, The 'Y' Becomes Silent. You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive. (The Corollary Is: You Never Learn To Pray Until Your Kids Learn To Drive!) A Man Usually Feels Better After A Few Winks, Especially If She Winks Back.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Ham and Cheese Popovers By Lalala... [824 Posts, 106 Comments] Ingredients: 1 Can Refrigerated Crescent Roll Dough (6 Crescents) 1 Cup Chopped Ham (I Used Black Forest Deli Ham) 1 Cup Cheddar Cheese, Shredded Directions: Preheat The Oven To 425 Degrees F. Spray Muffin Pan With A Non-Stick Spray. Unroll The Crescent Dough And Separate Them Along The Precut Lines. Divide The Ham And Cheese Equally On To Each Crescent Triangle. Starting At The Wide End, Roll Up Each Crescent, Finishing At The Pointy End. You Can Trim Off The Excess Dough On The End, I Just Push It Down Into The Center Of The Roll. Place The Popovers Into Prepared Muffin Pan And Bake For 10 Minutes Or Until Puffy And Golden Brown. Servings:6 Prep Time:10 Minutes Cooking Time:10 Minutes Source: "Cook It In A Cup" Cookbook
Lemur wants to be petted
____________________________________________________ A Husband Read An Article To His Wife About How Many Words Women Use A Day... 30,000 To A Man's 15,000. The Wife Replied, "The Reason Has To Be Because We Have To Repeat Everything To Men. The Husband Then Turned To His Wife And Asked, "What?" ___________________________________________________
Let's arm chair travel today.
A Kleptomaniac Woman Had Been Caught Shoplifting In A Supermarket And Had To Appear In Court, Taking Along Her Long-Suffering Husband For Marital Support. The Prosecution Proved That The Theft Had Taken Place So The Judge Told Her That, Considering Her Record, He Was Forced To Impose A Jail Term. "This Time You Stole A Can Of Tomatoes. Let Us Suppose That There Were Six Tomatoes In The Can. Do You Agree?" The Woman Agreed. "Then I Sentence You To Six Nights In Jail." The Husband Jumped To His Feet, Addressing The Judge, "Your Honor, May I Approach The Bench?" "Well," Said His Honor, This Is Somewhat Unusual But I Will Make An Exception In This Case. You May Approach The Bench." The Husband Wasted No Time Getting There And, Leaning Forward, He Whispered, "She Also Stole A Can Of Peas."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

A Man Is Driving With His Wife At His Side And His Mother-In-Law In The Backseat. The Women Just Won't Leave Him Alone. His Mother-In-Law Says, "You're Driving Too Fast!" His Wife Says, "Stay More To The Left." After Ten Mixed Orders, The Man Turns To His Wife And Asks, "Who's Driving This Car - You Or Your Mother?"

Today, on May 31
1433 Sigismund Was Crowned Emperor Of Rome. 

1859 In London, Big Ben Went Into Operation. 

1870 E.J. Desemdt Patented Asphalt. 

1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg Patented "Flaked Cereal." 

1889 In Johnstown, Pa, More Than 2,200 People Died After The
South Fork Dam Collapsed. 

1900 U.S. Troops Arrived In Peking To Help Put Down The Boxer

1902 The Boer War Ended Between The Boers Of South Africa And
Great Britain With The Treaty Of Vereeniging. 

1907 The First Taxis Arrived In New York City. They Were The
First In The United States. 

1909 The National Association For The Advancement Of Colored
People (Naacp) Held Its First Conference. 

1910 The Union Of South Africa Was Founded. 

1913 The 17th Amendment Went Into Effect. It Provided For
Popular Election Of U.S. Senators. 

1915 A German Zeppelin Made An Air Raid On London. 

1927 Ford Motor Company Produced The Last "Tin Lizzie" In Order
To Begin Production Of The Model A. 

1929 In Beverly, Ma, The First U.S. Born Reindeer Were Born. 

1943 "Archie" Was Aired On The Mutual Broadcasting System For
The First Time. 

1947 Communists Seized Control Of Hungary. 

1955 The U.S. Supreme Court Ordered That All States Must End
Racial Segregation "With All Deliberate Speed." 

1961 South Africa Became An Independent Republic. 

1962 Adolf Eichmann Was Hanged In Israel. Eichmann Was A Gestapo
Official And Was Executed For His Actions In The Nazi Holocaust.

1970 An Earthquake In Peru Killed Tens Of Thousands Of People. 

1974 Israel And Syria Signed An Agreement On The Golan Heights. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline Was Finished After 3 Years Of
Construction. It Still Works Just Fine.

1979 Zimbabwe Proclaimed Its Independence. 

1994 The U.S. Announced It Was No Longer Aiming Long-Range
Nuclear Missiles At Targets In The Former Soviet Union. 

2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph Was Captured. He Had
Been On The Fbi's 10 Most Wanted List For Five Years For Several
Bombings Including The 1996 Olympic Bombing.

2017  smiled.

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