Dear Webby: McAfee malfunction 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  July 23, 2007
======================================

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves.
--- Rudyard Kipling

Humankind cannot stand very much reality.
--- T. S. Eliot

=======================================

Re the voting:
Thanks to all who wrote me!
I emailed the Ezinefinder about it in the morning, but have
not heard back from them. They are totally independent and
not hosted by us. Hopefully they will have their problem
fixed soon.

=======================================

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing  It's the only type of
cooking some men will do:

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain
of events is put into motion.

    (1) The woman goes to the store.
    (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
    (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a
        tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and
        takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill,
        drinking beer.
    (4) The man places the meat on the grill.
    (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the
        vegetables.
    (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
        burning.
    (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the
        woman.
    (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the
        table.
    (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the
        dishes.
    (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's
just no pleasing some women.

=======================================

At a Milwaukee post office, a woman complained to the clerk
that a Pony Express rider could get a letter from Milwaukee
to St. Louis in two days, and now it takes five.
"I'd like to know why," she scoffed.

The clerk thought a moment and then suggested,
"I guess the ponies must be getting old."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The young woman looked up from her hospital bed
at the handsome doctor and said breathlessly,
"They tell me, doctor, that you're a real lady killer."

The doctor smiled, "Maybe so.. But the jury threw
the case out of court due to lack of evidence"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an armed robber in Fort Smith, Arkansas Library Robber July 19, 2007 - Fort Smith, Arkansas - AP A Fort Smith library branch was robbed of its fine money Thursday by a woman who implied she had a weapon, police said. "We're kind of dumbfounded," Fort Smith police Officer Vincent Clamser said. The robber, a tall, light-skinned woman who covered her face and head with bandanas, walked into the library's Windsor branch and handed the librarian a note, Clamser said. "She implied she had a weapon and that (the librarian) had one minute to comply," Clamser said. The librarian handed over what amounted to petty cash - some bills and change from the till used for fines for overdue books. Clamser said the amount taken was less than $20 dollars. "We're kind of wondering, why would anybody do this?," Clamser said. The robber faces a felony robbery charge, which may be upgraded to aggravated robbery, Clamser said. Any chance she might get off with just a fine? "No," Clamser said. If the woman is caught, how the case is pursued will be up to prosecutors, he said. Fort Smith has been the site of some unusual crimes of late, including the thefts of safes from three restaurants and a bank. Last week, a man who robbed a sandwich shop proved easy to catch when he made a quick change of clothes in front of a surveillance camera. In May, a man wanted for bank robbery was caught after Fort Smith police posted a MySpace page with a detailed description of him. http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 1399c.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== Fellow was trying to hit on a Blackjack dealer in Las Vegas without success. Finally in desperation he said, "Look. I'll give ya a hundred to sleep with me tonight." "You ain't gonna get no where being so crude either buddy." the girl said. "Tell ya what. Try betting me 100 dollars at 2:1 that I won't put out for ya." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: McAfee malfunction brenda rose wrote: I received this message from McAfee virus scan. They said I should notify you. Hopefully this type of activity can stop. ALERT ! If you received a phony postcard pick-up notice, claiming to be from a family member, or other vague source, then that is just an illegal spoof and NOT from us. Just like Ebay and PayPal, we too suffer from forgers. Mypostcards.com SELLS postcard software, but does NOT send postcards. Do not click on anything in the spoof. Just dump it. The real postcards are sent from legitimate card sites that use our software. ( Mypostcards.com provides the software, but does not compete with clients) Postcards sent with our software ALWAYS show the name and address of the sender MyPostcards type postcards never ask you to download any files, especially not a virus filled exe file. MyPostcards style postys are on the web and are viewed like any safe web page. Those spoofs are nothing new. The only thing new about these spoofs is that the computer of one of your friends has gotten infected, and that a virus sent itself to all the addresses in your friend's address book. You can send the spoof to the Spamcops at http://www.spamcop.net/ They will analyze it and show you where it really came from. McAfee VirusScan E-mail Scan has detected a potential threat in this e-mail sent by "mypostcards.com" -gzgd@expand.com- with the subject You've received an ecard from a Family member!. This e-mail has been quarantined. We strongly recommend that you report this suspect activity. to "mypostcards.com" -gzgd@expand.com-. Brenda Dear Brenda McAfee made a mistake by assuming that you had a clue and knew which part of a forged email was related to the sender. If you sent a mail forged to look like "Elvis Presley" - brose*@wi.rr.com - or "Hillary Clinton" - brose*@wi.rr.com - or "mypostcards.com" - gzgd@expand.com - then it would be kinda stupid to complain to Elvis or Hillary or Mypostcards, right? Well, the silly goofs at McAfee mistakenly assumed you were bright enough to understand that, and would not bother Elvis or Hillary or Mypostcards.com. You sure fooled THEM, eh ? Don't feel bad. We got thousands of mails similar to yours from of Outlook Express users, who don't seem to be able to see the actual address under the forged title part of an address. You SHOULD tell McAfee about their mistake and that their program is not compatible with Outlook Express users! All it does is make you look silly. If you want to learn about spoofs, browse to http://webby.com/info/recognize-a-spoof.html There is an easy to read tutorial there. Have FUN! DearWebby PS. Elvis is not accepting email at this time. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 20, 2007 - Deltona, Florida - Gimundo Dale Tanguilig was upset. His best friend, David Black, was in the hospital again. He told his mother, Denise, that David, who suffers from a chronic kidney disorder called nephritic syndrome, needed a transplant. The donor needs to have the blood type O positive, Dale told his mother. Denise thought, “I’m O positive.” Denise approached David’s mother, Bonnie, during a school band practice. “Where do I get tested?” she asked. Bonnie started to cry. After weeks of testing, Denise was found to be a match. Her family was concerned, but, she said, “I’ve always wanted to do something like this.” So on Monday morning, Denise will give her kidney to David at Tampa General Hospital. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/3 ... iend?s_Mom
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Friends and Family Mailing Lists Consider setting up an email discussion list to help stay in touch with friends and family. It can be a great way to post announcements with family members all over the world.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Scotsman was dying. On his deathbed, he looked up and said: "Is my wife here?" His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.." The Scot goes: "Are my children here?" "Yes, daddy, we are all here." say the children. The Scot: "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say: "Yes, we are all here..." The Scot gets up and says: "Then why is the light on in the kitchen?" ============================================= WIFE SAYS, ONE NEEDS COMPANY Bruce watched his Golden Retriever, Fred rub one side of his face on the ground. "I'm sort of worried," he said to his elderly wife Lisa. She looked at the dog closely. "You know, he's worn all the fur off that side of his face, we should take him to the vet, maybe Fred has a bad tooth." At the veterinarian's office, Fred continued to smear his face on the floor, the chairs, even on the legs of other people waiting to see the vet. Finally, his turn came. "He's in great shape, I'll just take a look in his mouth," the vet said. After a moment, he told the couple, "I can see something sparkle, he definitely has something hung up on a tooth." Fred let out a tiny whimper of pain, when the vet pulled out a small gold band, with a diamond. "This looks like an engagement ring," the doctor exclaimed. "Oh my gosh, that's my engagement ring." Lisa cried. "I lost it in the garden 30 years ago. We dug up every inch of the yard trying to find it." She looked at her husband who was holding his sides laughing. "What's so funny," she demanded. "Oh not much," Bruce said. "It's just that I bought you another ring for our 30th wedding anniversary. I guess you won't need it now." he continued, "I can spend the money on a new skill saw." Lisa took the old ring, put it on her finger, then told her husband. "Looks a bit lonely, the new one will even things out just right." The vet cracked up. "I'm a newlywed, I already know never to mess with women and diamonds."He looked at a very unhappy Bruce, "No skill saw for you, your wife really won this round." Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his corn flakes every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Super Dogs
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: POST beep codes 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  July 22, 2007
======================================

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed,
if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
--- Mark Twain

=======================================

The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry
standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle.

After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked
'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'.

The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am. It's all
in perfect working order.'

=======================================

Little Johnny turns up in his classroom one morning to be
confronted by his teacher.

Teacher: "Morning Johnny, and why weren't you at school
yesterday?"

Johnny: "Well Miss, my Grandad got burnt."

Teacher: "Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?"

Johnny: "Nothing left but ashes, Ma'am.
They don't mess around at those crematoriums."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident.
The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the
husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because
she was so skinny.  The husband then donated some of his
skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from
his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of
this, because after all,... this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded
at the woman's new beauty.  She looked more beautiful than
she ever did before!  All her friends and relatives just ranted
and raved at her youthful beauty!

She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to
thank him for what he did.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you
did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!

He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get thanks enough
every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your
cheek!!

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Rendino, 20, of Syracuse, New York Wrong Priorities July 19, 2007 - Syracuse, New York - AP A 20-year-old Syracuse woman who left children who were in her care alone to go pose for nude photos is facing several charges of endangering the welfare of a child. Police say Michelle Rendino was supposed to be watching four young girls yesterday when she left them alone and went into the woods near Syracuse's Inner Harbor to have a man take nude photos of her. A man fishing saw the children crying and called police. When police arrived, the oldest girl - a six-year-old - told police that "Aunt Michelle" went into the woods to take "nasty pictures." Rendino says she asked the man to take nude photos of her so she could get back at her ex-boyfriend. The children were returned safely to their mother. http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 1415c.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== =========================================== After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: POST beep decoder Hi Mr Webby; Can you please tell me if this card is worth buying? Eddie POST PROBE PCI CARD POST Code Reader Card from Micro 2000 Dear Eddie That's just an old-fashioned POST (Power On Self Test) beep decoder. In the days when components were still repaired, some people used the beep decoders. For example, with an IBM 3270, (before the PC), 3 long beeps signalled keyboard problems, usually a stuck key. "Hmmm, sounds like you have been eating at your desk again!" Turning the keyboard upside down and whacking it on the desk usually fixed that problem. A long and a two short beeps indicated problems with the CGA video card on early IBM PC's and Canon XT's. Usually that problem was due to the video card creeping part way out of it's slot from heating and cooling. That called for "Percussive Maintenance". Lift the computer 10 inches and drop it onto the desk. "There, Ma'am. Should work fine now. Call me when it does it again." And so on. In those days, a good troubleshooter had all the POST code beeps memorized. Since then, things have gotten a bit simpler. Nowadays you see the post code numbers on the screen, or get 4 beeps, if there is a problem with the video card. If re-seating all the cards and memory doesn't help, and the "power-good" LED on the motherboard is lit up, you just start pulling and/or exchanging cards until you got the one that was causing the problem. If that doesn't help, replace the motherboard. If the problem is the power supply, you can tell by the sound of the power supply fan, or lack thereof. You can read about the POST beep codes at http://www.pchell.com/hardware/beepcodes.shtml however, that beep decoder is more of a nostalgia item than a modern troubleshooter's tool. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 20, 2007 - Newcastle, Delaware - Gimundo When Ameerah Pearman was a teenager, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin’s disease, a form of cancer that affects the lymph nodes. She survived, but doctors told her she’d probably be unable to have children. Ameera, now 25, lost four other babies before birth, but a few months ago, she delivered her first child, Michael, who arrived four months premature. After 81 days in the hospital, Michael got to go home with his mother to their New Castle, Del., home. Ameerah said she never stopped believing she could have a family. “Statistics are just numbers, and God is the final doctor. He’s the physician that I listen to,” she said. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/3 ... iracle_Mom
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Glass Doors On Wood Furniture If you have a nice piece of furniture with glass windows surrounded by wood, don't spray glass cleaner directly on the windows. Some of the cleaner is bound to get on the wood and can damage the finish. Dampen a rag with glass cleaner and then wipe the window clean with the rag.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported." ============================================= LUCKY DOG - POOR ME When most people see an animal in danger, they will usually help. I'm no exception. I was in a parking lot on a boiling hot day. I noticed a large dog, sleeping, curled up in the shade of a parked car right behind the rear tires. The owner of the vehicle came out, got in, started up, then began to back up. I made a dash to snatch the dog out from behind the wheels. The dog was sound asleep, not pleased that a strange woman was suddenly yanking him around. The dog struggled, peed all over my new jeans, tried to bite me, and in the moment, I left one of my dainty little feet under the wheel, where the car ran over it. I let out a blood curdling scream. The car stopped, the driver jumped out very concerned that he had run over the poor dog. I'm hollering my head off, the dog has emptied his bladder on me, plus dished out a nasty bite, my foot is squished, and this guy is worried about the dog? I finally got it through to him that I was the hurt one. I let the dog go. It was desperate to get away from the screeching person hanging onto its tail with a death grip. X-rays showed no broken bones. I went home. My artist friend was amazed at how many colors a mashed foot can have. Purple, black, blues, even orange. I was not amused with her at all. The best part, a nice dog didn't get run over. The very worst, I had a date lined up to go dancing with a male of my liking. I had to phone him and tell him, "I have a foot-ache, not tonight honey." Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A sailor gets off his ship in New York late one night, hails a taxi and asks to be taken to 42nd Street. Along the way, he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have any money. Well-trained to be resourceful, and familiar with cabs in New York, of course, he tells the driver, "Stop," and he jumps out of the cab. "I'm just going to run over here to the drugstore to get some matches," he says. "I dropped a $100 bill somewhere back here and I can't find it in the dark." The sailor goes into the drugstore, and as soon as he's through the door, the taxi speeds off into the night -- just as he thought it would. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tallest ferris Wheel
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: No Flash 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  July 21, 2007
======================================

If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free.
If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed.
— Edmund Burke

One's first step in wisdom is to question everything -
and one's last is to come to terms with everything.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

=======================================

The whole neighborhood shook from the explosion.  As store
owners ran outside to see what happened, they spotted the
pharmacist staggering out of his smoldering building.  His
white uniform was scorched black.  He walked up to a woman
standing nearby and said, "Lady!  Would you please ask your
doctor to write that prescription again.  And this time,
PRINT IT!"

=======================================

The judge read the charges, then asked,
"Are you the defendant in this case?"

"No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jethro. "I got me a
lawyer to do the defendin'.  I'm the one who done it."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted
her down the aisle.  They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something
in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of
laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave
him back his credit card....

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Atlanta-based Force Events Direct Marketing, Too many winners July 19, 2007 - Roswell, New Mexico - AP Everyone's a winner after a direct-mail marketing company hired by a local car dealership mistakenly sent out 50,000 scratch-off tickets to residents - all of them declaring the ticket-holder the $1,000 grand prize winner. Just one of the tickets was supposed to be the grand prize winner. Jeff Kohn, Roswell Honda general manager said a typographical error by Atlanta-based Force Events Direct Marketing, which printed the advertisement, had given all 50,000 scratch-off tickets grand prizes. "Unfortunately, they missed it in the proofreading," said Kohn, who was able to stop an estimated 20,000 direct mailers from being sent. Kohn said the dealership is "making a full-faith effort" to investigate the mistake, which he said is "not how we portray ourselves or our community." In a statement, Force Events apologized "for any inconvenience this may has caused car shoppers in the Roswell market" and asked that any questions and concerns be directed to the company. Force Events representatives are expected to be in Roswell on Thursday to sort out the mess, Kohn said. Meanwhile, the names, addresses and phone numbers of "winners" who arrive at the dealership were being taken down. Kohn said they will all be invited back to the dealership. "At this point, I don't know what exactly the company's solution is going to be," Kohn said. "We are not sure how Force Events is going to handle this matter. That's why they are flying out to Roswell and that's why I'm taking down people's names." http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 1412c.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Dear Webby Thought you might like this picture of Mt. Athabaska with the Athabaska glacier between it and Mt. Hilda in the foreground at right. It was taken near the Icefields Parkway in Banff Park, Alberta. My wife and I were hiking on the old Banff -Jasper Highway along Nigel Creek about a week ago. Svend Thanks to Svend for sending this picture: =========================================== A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Almira Re: Further into the dark Dear Webby I need to take pictures of graduates from a course that I teach. The last ones were a disaster. The flash does not light up the second and third row, and without a flash, the overhead lights are too dim and make the faces look haggard. I remember you occasionally making strong statements against the use of flash, but I forgot what alternatives you recommended. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Almira Dear Almira Go to Home Depot or a similar construction supplier, and get yourself a 500 W or 1000 W Quartz work light. They are in rectangular cast aluminum fixtures just like yard and security lights, but have a much brighter lamp in it, and a safety grill in front of the glass. You can get them with a big alligator clamp to clip them onto a stepladder, or with a bright yellow tripod. Most photographers take that tripod out into the back alley and use a can of black barbecue paint to give it an expensive and professional look. However, that is a stupid idea. It just causes people to trip over the tripod legs. There is a good reason why it is bright yellow. Position the light a bit to the side of your spot and closer to the group or podium. Put your camera on a tripod and make sure that the light is just barely outside your cone of view. The older the crowd, the lower down the light should be. A knee high spotlight hides more wrinkles than a pound of make-up, but make sure the light is a bit to the side and not straight in front of your camera. Set the camera for 1/30 second or if it is an automatic, use the symbol of a person with a star above the head. To take the picture, hold up a manual flash with your left hand and set it off. Click the camera a second later, when they just start to relax, but before they let their chests fall back down into their drawers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 19, 2007 - Callahan, Florida - IBS A Florida man recently came face to face with his 18-year-old self -- in the driver's license he lost 25 years ago, along with his wallet. A Nassau County, Fla., office worker recently found Ken Colsen's old wallet in a window ledge, still containing the pictures of his nephews, who are also grown up. The office worker looked up Colsen's name in the phone book to return everything. "She said, 'Is your address Mickler Street?' and I said, "I've not lived on Mickler Street in over 20 years,'" Colsen said. Colsen said he remembers last seeing the wallet in the parking lot of a McDonald's restaurant that used to stand a few miles away from the current office building. He speculates that someone found the wallet, took whatever cash was inside and then tossed it. "I was so astonished when she gave it to me that I was kind of shaking," Colsen said. "You don't expect to ever get it back, so when you get it back some 25 years later, it's bizarre." http://www.wftv.com/news/13713251/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Air Out the House With summer here, open up windows when you use caustic cleaners. Opening up various windows and doors will help air circulate throughout the house and help freshen everything. An even better approach is to avoid these type of fumes by using cleaners like baking soda and vinegar. Some of the industrial citrus based cleaners are also very powerful. Their smell might be easier on your nose and throat than boiled down vinegar. A five gallon pail of concentrated cleaner will probably last you the rest of your life, and is surprisingly cheap at a janitorial supplies wholesaler. The proper way to decant the concentrate into a sprayer bottle or pint bottle for splashing a bit into a mop bucket, is to treat the pail like a barrel, not like a bucket. The bucket handle is just to get it out of the store and to your home. Lay the pail flat on a work bench or shelf. Raise the front a bit with a piece of wood, so that the big spout is higher than the liquid level. Pull the big spout out, unscrew the cap and tear out the safety seal. Now you can gently roll your "barrel" until you get a smooth, even flow from the spout. When you got enough, just roll it back and put the cap back on. Don't push the spout back in. Leave it sticking out. You can only push it back in about 200 times before it starts cracking and leaking. Totally ignore the little spout hole. That is just an air hole used when the concentrate is sucked out with a pump in the big spout. Use a couple of small wedges to stop your "barrel" from accidentally rolling. With this method you never have to lift the pail again, once it is in place, and you always get a smooth, even flow that is easy to control. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two voices - male and female - obviously on a plane. "I think everyone's asleep, lets go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty ... no-ones looking ... you go in first" "It a bit cramped - let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick - put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume - you think of everything" "This is great....." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations... Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!" ============================================= SWINGING BELLA Bella was just plain lonely. A family had adopted her, welcomed her into their hearts and home. They had a sudden family emergency, leaving her at a neighbors farm but the farmers seemed too busy for her. On the place were two miniature donkeys. Bella went to meet them. Unlike most donkeys, these two liked dogs. Almost all donkeys will chase a dog away. Bella found a stick, inviting the mini's to play. The shaggy critters caught on fast. Each took one end of the stick in their mouth, then trotted off. Bella was left alone, again. She wanted to play. When the donkeys came close, she lunged at the middle of the stick, and hung on. The tiny critters thought this was great fun. Around and around the pasture they went, packing that stick, with Bella swinging gently between them. The game went on for hours. When the sun grew too hot, the mini's went into the shade to rest. Bella curled up with them. Eventually all three slept, worn out from the fun. Her adopted family arrived, calling out her name. She ran at full throttle towards them. She looked back at the donkeys who had trotted up to the fence. Jumping down, she found the stick, and the game was on. Her family got a huge kick out of the antics. Once at home, Bella settled in happily. She was greatly loved. Every week, her family would load her into the car, drop her off for an afternoon's play with the two mini's. The donkeys appeared to enjoy having a playmate, even if it was a dog. Truly, little Bella had the best of two worlds. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747. A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?" Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up." With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep... ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: American Scenery
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Transparent icon text background for XP SP2 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  July 20, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"We have had so much rain in New York City today, half of
the puddles in Times Square were actually water."
--- David Letterman

"I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything;
"I will try" has performed wonders.
--- George P. Burnham

"I will do it", gets the job done.
--- DearWebby

=======================================

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the creator of the world-famous
detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not above telling tales
about himself in which he was the laughing-stock.

In one situation, he was waiting at a taxi stand outside the
railway station in Paris.  When a taxi pulled up, he placed
his suitcase in the car and took a seat next to it.

"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?'' asked the taxi driver.

Doyle was flabbergasted.  He asked the driver whether he
knew him by sight.  "No, sir, I have never seen you before."
The puzzled Doyle asked him how he knew he was Conan Doyle.

The driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you
being on vacation in Marseilles.  This is the taxi stand where
people who return from Marseilles always come.  Your skin
color tells me you have been on vacation.  The ink spot on your
right index finger suggests to me that you're a writer.  Your
clothing is very English, and not French.  And so, I deduced
that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

Doyle remarked, "This is truly amazing.  You are a real life
counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes."

"There is one other thing that gave you away," the driver said,
after pocketing his tip.

"What is that?" questioned Doyle.

The driver said, "Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

=======================================

A couple was taking a stroll through a park, when they came
upon a wishing well.  The woman leaned over, made a wish and
threw a quarter down the well.

Her husband decided that he also wanted to make a wish.
Unfortunately, he leaned over too far and fell down the well.

The woman stood there in shock for a moment and said,
"Wow!  It really works!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic:
He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and
then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered
warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy
enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that if he tied a rope
to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then r
each up and get the kitten.

That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in
the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further,
the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.
But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through
the air - out of sight.

The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood
asking people if they'd seen a little kitten.

No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten So he prayed,
"Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on
about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one
of his church members. He happened to look into her s
hopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman
was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her,
"Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how
her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept
refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, s
o the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat,
I'll let you keep it."

She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard,
get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor,
you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten
suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws
outspread, and landed right in front of her."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to some thieves in Poland Really dry now! July 6, 2007 - Bytom, Poland - Ananova A Polish family in a block of flats stole their own roof after working out they would not get wet if it rained. The theft was in the town of Bytom in south-west of Poland where extra cops have been drafted after authorities complained thefts were now such a problem that nothing was safe. A police spokesman said: "One family occupying the ground floor of an apartment block worked out that they would not get flooded if there was no roof on the building, so they stole it." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2402846.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: =========================================== Two elderly ladies met at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: transparent desktop icon text backgrounds Dear Webby FYI I went to google and put in "make desktop icon background transparent". The first page was filled with the the same info on "how to" that you sent me, which did not work for me. But on the second page this came up, and it worked!!! Jai Display Properties => Desktop => Customize Desktop => Web "Lock desktop items" - uncheck! Jai Thanks Jai! That does indeed work like a charm with XP-SP2 ! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Friends restore Lotus in secret A sports car enthusiast who suffered a mini stroke while restoring a Lotus Esprit was amazed when online friends finished the work for him in secret. Simon Pritchard, 36, from Abergavenny, had been in the process of rebuilding the 25-year-old car when he fell ill, reports the BBC. When members of the Lotus Esprit online forum website heard, they donated money and time to fix it. The original 18-month project costing £25,000 actually took his friends just five weeks to complete. Mr Pritchard had several mini strokes after developing Reiter's Syndrome - a form of arthritis which develops as a reaction to infections in the body. As part of his research, he logged onto a website which allowed people to get help and advice in the restoration of such cars. Andy Betts, from Bexley, Greater London, who runs the website said: "He was trying to do up the car even though he was quite unwell. "One day I phoned him up and his wife said he was in hospital and I thought that there had to be something we could do to help him." So while Mr Pritchard recovered in hospital, Mr Betts set up an area on the website which Mr Pritchard was denied access to and went about recruiting help from the 3,800 members. Offers of money, car parts and time soon came flooding in and so with the help of Mr Pritchard's wife Kelly, the group organised to have the car taken to a garage in nearby Caerphilly for restoration. Over the next five weeks, more than 2,000 hours of work were put in by people who travelled from as far as Hertfordshire, Cheshire and Kent. "I can't even begin to thank all the people who were involved. It just restores your faith in people and shows that there is good in everybody," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Around For Checks Don't assume that your bank has the best price on checks. You can often find checks for as much as half the cost from other check suppliers. Just carefully check your bank numbers and personal information as you would with any box of checks.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means I didn't pad my bra enough to get the job." ============================================= THE KITTEN WHO WASN'T THERE Toby was a huge dog who detested cats. He wandered into a local garage one day and there he stayed. Content, friendly, playful, until he saw a kitty. He would lunge at the feline, or chase it for blocks returning looking very proud of himself. The garage was near a lake. Toby often went down for a cool dip. One day, he snarled when he saw a small grey kitten step onto a piece of log that was half in the water. The wood slipped into the lake with the kitten crying piteously. It was drifting further out, carrying a reluctant rider. Topy went after the kitten. When he reached it, the tiny thing jumped onto his head, hanging on for all he was worth. Toby made it back to shore, shook the kitten off and made tracks for home. He had a shadow. The soaked kitten followed right along. Right into the garage where Toby flopped down on his bed. Right in between the dog's paws, where it rested, purring. Finally it fell asleep. Toby had the most pained look on his face. He hated cats, what was he to do with this one! He solved his dilemma, amusing everyone by pretending it wasn't there. Even at meal time, when the baby cat ate from his dish, Toby ignored it. He slept with the kitten curled up beside him, only the cat wasn't there. Until the kitten was adopted, the dog got through each day, by pretending he had no idea a cat was even in the garage. It worked out well for both of them. I mean, a dog has to have some pride, right? Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered since." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Just in case...
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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Dear Webby: Spam from Excite.com 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  July 19, 2007
======================================

It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if,
by ill luck, people understood each other,
they would never agree.
--- Charles Baudelaire

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching
TV by candlelight?
--- Al Boliska

=======================================

One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He
stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil,
then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a
goose.

Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The
livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket,
carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry
the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking he met a fair young lady.
She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how
to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my
brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go
down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there".

The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the
alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and
ravish me?"

The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a
goose.  How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall
and do that?"

The young lady said, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the
goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens....

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

With deep concern, Brian noted that his friend Peter was
far drunker than he'd ever seen him before. He walked over
to the bar and asked, "What's the trouble, buddy?"

"It's a woman." replied Peter. "What else?"

"Tell me about it," coaxed Brian.

"It's your wife." replied Peter

"My wife? What about her?" Asked Brian

Peter turned and looked Brian in the eye and said "Well,
buddy boy, I'm afraid she's cheating on us."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Matthew Garmon, 18 of East Barren, Kentucky He is going to be even mre bored soon! July 17, 2007 - Glasgow, Kentucky - AP A volunteer firefighter in south-central Kentucky was arrested after allegedly making false 911 calls because he was bored, police said. Joshua Matthew Garmon, 18, a member of the East Barren Volunteer Fire Department, was charged Sunday with nine counts of falsely reporting an incident, according to the Barren County Sheriff's Department. The false calls came from cell phones that don't work anymore except for emergency 911 calls, Detective Rusty Anderson said. Anderson said Garmon allegedly made false reports of fires and wrecks with injuries because he wanted to go on fire runs. http://apnews.excite.com/article/200707 ... JJ1G0.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Ann for this picture: Eagle on the tree in front of the house =========================================== The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Anapolis, MD, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of our guides, Dave, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double-take at Dave in his 18th century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mindy Re: Excite.com Dear Webby What's with all this spam coming from excite.com? Can't anything be done about it? Dear Mindy Excite is spammer friendly. I simply trash all mail coming from excite.com, right on the server, unseen by anybody, automatically. If you don't have MailWasher, then tell your ISP to block all mail coming from excite.com. You never get any useful mail from an excite.com address anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 18, 2007 - Slidell, Louisiana - AP An anonymous benefactor helped settle a long-standing lawsuit in which a land company claimed ownership of a house sold without the residents' knowledge over a $1.63 tax bill. ''I don't even know who to thank,'' Dolores Atwood, 69, said after the settlement returned the property title to her and her 71-year-old husband. ''But I'm relieved and happy that this is finally over.'' The local businessman who paid Jamie Land Co. to settle the lawsuit wants to remain anonymous for now, said his attorney, Gary Duplechain. He stepped forward after reading about the Atwoods' plight. Jamie Land President James Lindsay II said the agreement reached Tuesday calls for the amount paid to remain undisclosed. ''But it wasn't a lot of money,'' he said. In 1996, the $1.63 bill was sent to a defunct address and returned as undelivered. The Atwoods weren't looking for it, because they had owned the four-bedroom house mortgage free since 1968 and had been exempt from the state tax. As a result, the home was sold at a St. Tammany Parish sheriff's auction in 1997. The State Tax Commission eventually nullified the sale, but when the Atwoods tried to sell the house in 2002, they discovered that Jamie Land Co. still had the property rights. Lindsay argued his rights were violated when the tax commission didn't inform him of its decision. Last month an appeals court sided with the Atwoods, and Jamie Land had been planning to appeal to the state Supreme Court. Delores Atwood said having the title will allow them to apply for assistance to help repair damage caused by Hurricane Katrina. She's been staying in a trailer on the property while her husband, Kermit, who is on a respirator, lives with relatives. ''I'm tired of living in a FEMA trailer,'' she said. http://www.happynews.com/news/7182007/b ... p-home.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoiding Workbench Clutter Keep a garbage can right by your workbench or work areas. Try to find convenient place to store items, like safety goggles, so that they are near where you used them the most. Keep a small hand broom near your work bench to sweep debris into a garbage can.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
============================================= COPYCAT PARROT "Take the batteries out of that blasted smoke alarm," Ethel snapped at her husband. "It bleeps no matter what I'm cooking." Her husband argued, "I don't think that's a good idea." One look at his cranky wife however, and he dismantled it. She grumbled, I wish you could dismantle the blasted parrot." The parrot that had a huge repertoire of sounds. He drove Ethel to distraction daily, imitating sounds like the phone ringing, barking dogs, crying kids, doors slamming. It sang TV commercials, almost any sound, if the bird heard it enough, it would imitate. He loved to say, "Ethel" over and over. Ethel slid the turkey into the oven. She was in a hurry, had more shopping to do as company was coming. As she went out the door, the bird called, "Goodbye Ethel." She yelled back, "Just shut up." The parrot sang over and over, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut up," until he tired. Dealing with a bad mood, had made Ethel careless. She had turned the oven temperature too high. It wasn't long before smoke curled around the stove. Neighbours heard the smoke detector. Knowing no one was home, they dialled 911.The fire dept. arrived, turned off the oven, then tossed the blackened turkey out the door. They looked for a smoke alarm, but it wasn't there. The parrot was sitting on the table watching. Everyone jumped when he lit into an ear piercing siren of a smoke alarm. Ethel was visibly shaken finding the firefighters in her home. Her parrot was preening from all the attention he was getting. She turned white when the neighbours told her what happened. She held the parrot, "I guess you better stay after all." The bird responded, "Shut up Ethel, Just, Shut up!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A couple got married in a western one horse town and took the their homey moon in the bright lights of Las Vegas. While checking in the hotel clerk said to the honeymooners, "Would you like a single room or a double or for $100 you can have the bridal." The woman responded, "No, I don't need the bridal, I'll just hang on to his ears until he gets the hang of it." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World of Roses
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What to do with too old computers 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  July 18, 2007
======================================

It is better to sleep on things beforehand
than to lie awake about them afterward.
--- Baltasar Gracian

=======================================

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.

Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.

Patient: I don't touch a drop.

Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.

Patient: I don't smoke.

Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.

Patient: I don't do drugs.

Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.

Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life.

Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke,
and find a couple of girlfriends.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor,
was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the
other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the
word "KISS" scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent
you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you
very much."

The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters
stand for "Keep it short, Stupid."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bus driver in Lindau, Germany Too sensitive for being a bus driver July 17, 2007 - Germany - The Scotsman A German bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old sales clerk off his bus in the town of Lindau because he said she was too sexy. The woman, named only as Debora C, told Bild newspaper: "Suddenly he stopped the bus. He opened the door and shouted at me, 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus'." The woman said she moved to another seat, but was left humiliated. The bus company defended the driver. "The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing," a spokesman said. "A driver cannot be distracted, because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers." http://news.scotsman.com/topics.cfm?tid ... 1110922007 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: View from Darjeeling =========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He then ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side then the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered breathlessly. He whispered back, "I found the remote." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Scott Re: Too Old Computers Dear Webby Our club gets, among other things, old computers donated to us, so that we can try to convert them into cash for charitable purposes. However, quite a few are so old, that we can't do anything with them and just wind up paying disposal fees. Do you have any ideas? Thanks Scott Dear Scott Hold a Computer Smashathon. Provide safety goggles and a sledge hammer and charge a dollar per hit. You'll be surprised how much money you will raise! When they are all smashed to bits, glue them together into a big abstract sculpture, take good pictures of it and sell it on eBay. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos 7/17/2007 - Gimundo Drinking and cigarette smoking often go hand-in-hand, as anyone who’s ever frequented a bar will attest. Now it turns out a drug that helps smokers quit smoking may also kill the urge for alcohol as well. The drug, called varenicline, works by targeting a pleasure center in the brain that makes smoking enjoyable. New research suggests the same spot in the brain is affected by alcohol. Scientists said the drug could be used to treat other kinds of addictions, such as gambling. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/3 ... ts_at_Once!
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bringing a Thermos To Work You can save money by bringing coffee to work in a thermos rather than buying it there. Before filling your thermos with coffee, fill it up with hot tap water and let it sit for a few minutes. This will help warm up the thermos before adding the coffee and it will stay hot longer.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what... ....we didn't see a single bastard or moron!" ============================================= JINGLE'S PALATE As a young bride, I wanted to make my new husband something special. I gathered all the materials for sugar cookies. My mother had made them for years, the melt in your mouth kind. I was positive I could do the same. My dog Jingles, always on the prowl for dropped crumbs from the table kept me company. Something wasn't right. What should have been a nice soft ball of cookie dough, was a dry hard lump. I didn't have a rolling pin, so used a shoe in a plastic bag, to wack the ball into a flat shape. Jingles usually ate anything that hit the floor. It was odd, he was ignoring all the pieces that drifted down. I finally got the cookies into the oven. They looked fine, just didn't brown. I offered a warm one to Jingles. He took it very politely, went out to the yard, dug a deep hole and buried it. Okay, he was saving it for later. I tried one, and darn near broke my teeth. I noticed Jingles had dug his up. Some crows were banging away at the cookie with their beaks. It wouldn't break. I took at look at the ingredients I had used. No wonder the dog wouldn't touch them. Instead of flour I had used a container of drywall compound, that when water is added, is used to repair holes in walls. I dug a hole to bury the rest. Months later, Jingles dug them up, well preserved. He placed one in front of my new husband. "Very strange," he said, "I've never seen white hockey pucks before." Even today, if I bake something new, I'll offer a bite to the dog. I trust his judgement. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in The Flood." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tall Ships Festival
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to recognize a spoof 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  July 17, 2007
======================================

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is
dressed in overalls and looks like work.
--- Thomas Edison

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

=======================================

One of the airlines recently introduced a special
half-fare rate for business women to take their hubands
along on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity
department of the airline sent out letters to all the
husbands of business women who used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip???"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Greg and Ron were in a lodge, making small talk. Greg
asked Ron, "So, what do you hunt?"

Ron answered, "I hunt unicorns."

Greg was startled, but said, "Really? How
do you do that?"

Ron answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me.
The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn
comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."

Greg said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've
heard of them, but I've never seen one."

Ron replied "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns
around, either!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Ellis, Cape Cod, Massachusetts Jury Shirker Will be serving more than jury duty time ... July 10, 2007 - Barnstable, Massachusetts - AP A Cape Cod man who claimed he was homophobic, racist and a habitual liar to avoid jury duty earned an angry rebuke from a judge on Monday, who referred the case to prosecutors for possible charges. "In 32 years of service in courtrooms, as a prosecutor, as a defense attorney and now as a judge, I have quite frankly never confronted such a brazen situation of an individual attempting to avoid juror service," Barnstable Superior Court Judge Gary Nickerson told Daniel Ellis, according to a preliminary court transcript of the exchange. Ellis, of Falmouth, had been called to court with about 60 other potential jurors for possible service on a 23-member grand jury. On a questionnaire that all potential jurors fill out, Ellis wrote that he didn't like homosexuals and blacks. He then echoed those sentiments in an interview with Nickerson. "You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," Nickerson said. "That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted. "I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added. "I'm sorry?" Nickerson said. "I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied. "So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked. "Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response. Ellis then admitted he really didn't want to serve on a jury. "I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said. "That's true," Ellis answered. Nickerson ordered Ellis taken into custody. He was released later Monday morning. Ellis could face perjury and other charges. http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 5839c.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: Star Gazer Lily =========================================== A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jack Re: REMOVE!!! Take me off your mail list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get one more email from you I WILL turn you in to the FCC. Jack Quirk jack@kjproductions.tv Hi Jack Go right ahead and make the FCC laugh about you. You can also try the FTC, and for good measure FTD. You don't have an account with us, so I can't remove you from anything. However, I would recommend that you get somebody to 'splain to you what a spoof is, and how to recognize a spoof. Then you can stop barking at the wrong tree, just to amuse me. Have FUN! DearWebby How to recognize a spoof http://webby.com/info/recognize-a-spoof.html ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 16, 2007 - Angola, Indiana - AP The personal touch earned a waitress a $10,000 tip. Jessica Osborne, 20, received the gift from a family of regulars at the Pizza Hut where she works in this northeastern Indiana town. The family, a mother and two sons, stopped in recently for their usual: two Mountain Dews, a cup of hot water for tea and a large Meat Lover's Stuffed Crust pizza. They requested Osborne as usual and chatted about their lives. ''They make your day better when they come in,'' Osborne said. She said she told them how she had started college twice but had to drop out because she didn't have enough money. They told her of their plans to move away, and she asked that they say goodbye before leaving town. They returned last week and handed Osborne a check, folded in half, with money from an education fund they had set up after a death in the family. ''I didn't want to look at it because I thought I was going to cry,'' Osborne said. She did just that when she looked inside. Osborne said she is now considering her options for where to study photography and journalism. ''I haven't had time to figure it out,'' she said. http://www.happynews.com/news/7162007/i ... er-tip.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Toaster First unplug the toaster. Open the crumb catch tray, making sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water. Do NOT use canned compressed air! Don't even allow it anywhere near your home! Kids inhale it to get stoned, and hundreds a year die from that. If you think you need to shoot petrified bread crumbs into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump or electric air compressor. However, unless you have weird fetishes like putting runny jam onto your toast before putting it into the toaster, it's enough to turn it upside down over your bird feeder or sidewalk, and slapping it a few times. If the neighbors are watching, tell them that your toaster is haunted and has been misbehaving. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" ============================================= PAY BACK TIME It took us months of hard work. Finally our backyard pond was finished. It had a fountain, water plants, beautiful fish, we even had lighting rigged up to show it off at night. Compliments were many. For weeks we enjoyed the pond. It was the perfect place to relax. Our black lab, Jack was getting on in years. He still slept in his dog house at night when the weather was warm. This was fine, until his frenzied barking woke us up in the wee hours of the morning. He was racing around and around the pool, barking his fool head off. The phone began to ring, neighbours wanting to know if we had a prowler. I searched every inch of that pond, turned the fountain off, shut off the lights, finding nothing, grumbled at Jack to shut up, then stumbled back to bed. Ah, silence. Until Jack started up again. What was with that dog? He'd never acted like this before. Out I went, this time sneaking up behind him. I whispered "What is it Jack?" The poor dog was so startled he leaped right into the water. Right out the other side bounced a toad the size of a grapefruit. Jack went after it, the toad sat like a lump. Jack sniffed it all over, wrinkled his lip, backing away from the thing. I gently pushed the toad under the neighbours fence then went back to bed. Suddenly the neighbors dog went into full alert. I still feel guilty that I put the toad under the fence. At least Jack wasn't blamed for barking. Besides their cat had been digging in my flower beds for years. It was payback time! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lavender Festival
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Increase Picture Size 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  July 16, 2007
======================================

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
--- Don Marquis

Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize
till you have tried to make it precise.
--- Bertrand Russell

=======================================

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class:

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative.

However," he continued, "there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

When my husband was a student at Tennessee Temple University,
I often asked him to do errands after class, tying ribbons on
his fingers to remind him.  A good sport, he didn't protest,
even though his classmates obviously noticed my little reminders.

One day he had to have a mole removed from above his ear and
emerged from the doctor's office with his head wrapped in a
white bandage.  When he walked into class, everyone just stared.
Finally one student blurted out, "Whatever your wife wants you
to remember today, it must be REALLY important."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Lane, 25, Suffolk County, NY Phony Cop July 11, 2007 - Bohemia, New York - AP There were flashing lights atop his SUV and what appeared to be a police badge in his hand, but it was the man he tried to pull over who was the real police detective. Robert Lane, 25, was arrested Tuesday on charges of criminal impersonation and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, Suffolk County police said. Lane was driving an SUV fitted with flashing lights when he tried to stop the off-duty New York police detective on a highway on Long Island, Suffolk police said. They said Lane told investigators the detective had cut him off. The detective got suspicious when Lane drove up alongside him, identified himself as an officer and flashed a small police badge, Suffolk police said. The detective showed his own police ID and ordered Lane to pull over, then followed him when he didn't and called in local police to arrest him, authorities said. Lane could not immediately be located for comment. http://cbs2chicago.com/watercooler/wate ... 94723.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: Bromeliad =========================================== There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Making a picture larger Dear Webby, I have a digital picture that measures 548 x411 pixels but the company requires a minimum of 700 x 500. Would you please advise me how to increase the pixel size. Thank you, Fred Dear Fred Any graphics program will do that, even Windows Paint, though that is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. First increase the color depth to 16 Million. Then soften the contrast just slightly, about 2 - 3 %. Next, increase the picture size to what you need. And finally, sharpen the contrast 6 - 10%. If pictuer quality is not that important, you can skip the softening and sharpening. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Garden birds too loud says council A great grandmother was ticked off by her local council over noise - from birdsong in her garden. The official note from environmental health warned of "a complaint alleging nuisance caused by birds singing." Dorothy Berry, 65, of Fulham, West London, said: "When I saw the letter I thought someone was larking about. "I have a lovely garden in which the blackbirds sing in the trees and on the aerial of the house. But I really don't see what we can do about that." The letter to Dorothy claimed the problem was caused by birdsong "arising from your premises during the early hours". It went on: "In the interests of preventing any possible disturbance to nearby residents you may wish to consider if any such noise is likely to cause offence." She added: "We have so much wildlife, it's so beautiful. The frogs croak in the pond - maybe they are doing that too loudly?" A spokesman for Hammersmith and Fulham Council said: "We are aware that this matter has ruffled a few feathers. "But we must investigate all complaints from residents - however bizarre they may appear."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets To remove vinegar deposits that accumulate on faucets from hard water, fill a bag with vinegar and tie the bag to the faucet. Allow the faucet to soak in the vinegar for a couple of hours. When you remove the bag, the deposits should be gone. Repeat if necessary. I think they meant "mineral" deposits. For tap stems and fixtures you can rip an old t-shirt into strips and wrap them tightly around the fixtures, then soak them with vinegar. After an hour you can undo the strips and use them to polish off what mineralization remains. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..." ============================================= SMALL DOG ADJUSTMENT "I don't care what you say, small dogs are just silly pampered toys." Ray was on his rampage again. He believed the only real dog was one that was tough, mean, and could lick any dog in a good fight. Ray loved to go fishing. He couldn't swim. Being a macho man he refused to wear a life jacket when out in his boat. That was for sissy's. He set out on a warm afternoon, thinking the fish would be in a shady spot near the shore. Sure enough, he caught one. Standing in the boat, taking the fish off his line, the boat rocked. Ray lost his balance, toppling into the water. "Help me, I can't swim." he gurgled. "I'm gonna drown." He thrashed around desperately Suddenly, a black miniature poodle leapt into the water. She reached the man, grabbed him by an arm, then headed for shore. Ray tried to help by kicking his legs. Once ashore, he said, "I thought I was a goner, "That little dog saved my life." The tiny poodle jumped up into his arms where he patted her awkwardly. "Guess I was wrong about little dogs, this tiny curly thing sure is brave." I looked at my friend, "Are you going to tell him?" He grinned, "No way." We both laughed knowing that Ray had only been in five feet of water. All he had to do was stand up. Having that poodle "save" him, gave him a change of heart regarding small dogs. His dunking had been well worth it. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way..... The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ancient wooden toys for the imaginative
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Transparent Icon Text background 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  July 15, 2007
======================================

He who overcomes others has force;
he who overcomes himself is strong.
--- Lao Tzu

Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm
our worst suspicions about them.
--- Franklin P. Adams

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for these stats:
A recent study found that the average American walks about
900 miles a year.
Another study by the American Beer Institute found that the
average American drinks 22 gallons of beer a year.

This means, on average,
Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.
Not bad!!!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Kati for this classic:
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out,
"Crisco, Crisssssssco!"

Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is
in aisle D."

The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking
stuff. I'm calling my husband."

The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?"

The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that
when we're out in public."

"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"

"Lardo."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Sadlon, 58, South Carolina Dead pension July 12, 2007 - New York, New York - AFP When retired US school teacher Edward Sadlon died in 1993, his son apparently saw no reason to tell anyone, and allegedly continued to cash his father's pension checks for almost 10 years. Now, prosecutors in Connecticut, where the retired teacher had worked, have charged the son, William Sadlon, 58, with mail fraud, accusing him of paying the monthly checks into his own account from late 1993 until early 2003. Connecticut authorities are believed to have paid out more than 250,000 dollars in pension payments before realizing that Edward Sadlon was in fact dead. The defendant, from the state of South Carolina, faces up to 20 years in jail if convicted. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/070712/o ... rime_fraud ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== A synagogue had just opened for business while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church, More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. Concerned the Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they've grown while we still have our same small temple - what are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they'd send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday comes and all the men from the congregation are peeking thru the windows as Morris enters the church. Not 15 minutes later and Morris comes flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" says the Rabbi "Oy, you wouldn't believe it" says Morris "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out unto the stage and he's chanting "I can play dominoes better than you can - I can play dominoes better than you can", then from the right of the stage some young boys swinging incense followed by another guy in a dress starts chanting "I bet you don't - I bet you don't" then back and forth they go "I can play dominoes better than you can - -I bet you don't", then from outta' the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets !!!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Icon text Boxes Dear Webby I just added a new desktop photo, and it looks awful with all those black boxes all over the screen. Blah! Alas, I am so bad, I cannot find it in Tweak IU. There is no setting there, I went thru every tiny part of it and could not find it. Would it be possible for you to give me more information as to "how to"? I sure would appreciate it. I really want the transparent backgrounds!!! Thanks my friend, Jai Dear Jai I couldn't remember how to do it, so I looked it up. Seems I last wrote about it in May 2005: The icon text background transparency has absolutely nothing to do with system performance, but that's where the toggle for it is. 1. Open the Control Panel 2. Click System 3. Click the Advanced tab 4. Click Settings in the Performance section 5. Select Custom 6. Check the "Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop" checkbox 7. Click OK until you close the windows Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kudos to quick thinking guest: July 13, 2007 - Washington, DC - AP Police on Capitol Hill are baffled by an attempted robbery that began with a handgun put to the head of a 14-year-old girl and ended in a group hug. It started around midnight on June 16 when a group of friends was finishing dinner on the patio of a District of Columbia home, authorities and witnesses said. That's when a hooded man slid through an open gate and pointed a handgun at the girl's head. "Give me your money, or I'll start shooting," he said, the witnesses told The Washington Post. Everyone froze, they said, but then one guest spoke up. "We were just finishing dinner," Cristina Rowan, 43, told the man. "Why don't you have a glass of wine with us?" The intruder had a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupery and said, "Damn, that's good wine." The girl's father, Michael Rabdau, 51, told him to take the whole glass, and Rowan offered him the bottle. The would-be robber, with his hood down, took another sip and a bite of Camembert cheese and put the gun in his sweatpants. Then the story got even more bizarre. The man with the gun apologized, the witnesses told the Post. "I think I may have come to the wrong house," he said. "Can I get a hug?" Rowan stood up and wrapped her arms around the man and the four other guests followed. The man walked away a few moments later with the crystal wine glass in hand. No one was hurt, but once he was gone, the group went inside, locked the door and called 911. Police said Friday that the case was strange but true. Investigators have not located a suspect. "We've had robbers that apologize and stuff, but nothing where they sit down and drink wine," Cmdr. Diane Groomes said. "The only good thing is they would be able to identify him because they hugged them." http://www.tri-cityherald.com/24hour/we ... 1667c.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No More Soggy Sandwiches No More Soggy Sandwiches Instead of making the sandwich before you leave, pack the sandwich ingredients separately. Put the bread, meat and cheese in one bag or container and the veggies in another. Use small reusable condiment containers to bring your favorite condiments.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bob moved into an apartment and went shopping for cleaning equipment. His cart was loaded with a broom, mop, dust-pan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute he topped off his cart with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. Seeing the checkout clerk's quizzical look, he explained, "I'm a very messy eater." ============================================= WADING POOL TERROR "Mom, the horse is in our wading pool again." I went to check. Sure enough, Robbie, our miniature horse was knee deep in the kids pool. He was defiantly holding his own against the kids, and our two dogs who also wanted to cool off. I wondered if summer holidays would ever end. I chased Robbie out of the pool, dumped it out, filled it again for the kids. A few hours later they came in grumbling the horse was in the water again. I went out, but decided to take a break. I'm glad I did or I would never have witnessed what happened. Robbie stood in the pool, both dogs yapping like mad. The mini horse, stepped on the edge of the wading pool, causing it to flip right over his head, water drenching him and the dogs. The pool stayed on his head. Robbie took a step, the thing went with him. He panicked. He raced across the yard with the pool clinging from his head to his rump. The dogs freaked, they took off in the other direction. I couldn't stop laughing. All I could see was that wading pool, with four legs, headed across the lawn. It finally fell off. I refilled it, expecting the horse and dog to start trouble again. It didn't happen. For the rest of the summer, Robbie and the dogs, refused to go near the pool. Peace reigned. I put a new wading pool out in the pasture for Robbie and the dogs. The grass grew around it in a lush circle. It remained untouched. I rather missed the excitement. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Nine year old Little Johnny, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission, to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge so that the cops could not follow them, and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked, scornfully. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Boeing's newest aircraft
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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Dear Webby: Wired or wireless home office 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  July 14, 2007
======================================

An important trip in life is meeting people half way.
--- Socratex

People begin to become successful the minute they decide to be.
— Harvey MacKay

=======================================

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of
the road holding up a sign that said, "The End
is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's
too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to
each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the
first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we
should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out'
instead?"

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

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THREE BAD NUNS
There were these three nuns and they were tired of being good
all of the time, so they went to the priest and asked if they
could be bad for one day. He said that they could do one
thing wrong but they had to come straight back and tell him
what they did.

The first nun comes back. "And what did you do wrong, Sister?"

"I mooned the rabbi next door, and nearly gave him a
heart attack."

"Very well, go drink holy water."

The Second nun comes back shortly afterwards.

"And what did you do wrong, Sister" he asks again.

"I spiked the fruit punch at the bingo ."

"Very well, go drink holy water."

Just then the third nun comes up to the priest and again
he asks, "And what did you do wrong, Sister."

"I peed in the holy water."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lara Madden, 25, Houston, Texas Stolen Name July 9, 2007 - Houston, Texas - IBS A Houston-area woman filed a lawsuit against a porn star, claiming she stole her name. Lara Madden, 25, is an actress in the pornography industry, Houston TV station KPRC reported. She is a former Houstonian who has appeared in about a dozen X-rated movies under the stage name "Syvette Wimberly." That's the problem. The real Syvette Wimberly was one of Madden's classmates at Kingwood High School. The women knew each other in the ninth grade. Wimberly said she does not believe it's a coincidence that her old classmate is now using her name. "I imagine she knew the name and maybe thought it sounded catchy and was unique," Wimberly said. Wimberly is suing Madden for invasion of privacy and emotional distress. "Really on a weekly, if not daily basis, my client has had to deal with odd phone calls, former classmates that didn't know her that well sending her e-mails about whether she's now in the adult film industry and just a general lack of safety for her," attorney Caj D. Boatwright said. Wimberly is also suing Vivid Entertainment, the porn distributor that produced Madden's videos. She's asking for monetary damages and an injunction to stop Madden from using her name. KPRC legal analyst Brian Wice said that's an appeal likely to win sympathy from a jury if the case goes to trial. "It's not like they pulled the name "Jane Doe" or "Barbara Smith" out of thin air. They pulled a name that's fairly peculiar to one woman in Harris County, Texas, and that's the kind of coincidence or lack of coincidence that's going to get somebody's attention in this building behind us," Wice said. Wimberly declined to talk on camera. Her attorney said she's already received more publicity than she wanted in the first place. Calls to Madden and Vivid Entertainment for comment were not returned. http://www.kirotv.com/entertainment/136 ... etail.html ===========================================
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Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== The Saskatchewan prairies may look bald but, there is beauty all around if one takes the time to look. The wild flowers are Brown Eyed Susan's. The chick is a young Plover which I found along the shoreline while out Kayaking on the lake. It wasn't hurt. The eggs belong to a Tern, found on an Island on the lake. Sue =========================================== When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he exclaimed, " You crazy guys actually thought you could fool me with THAT old gag!" It was then he realized we had removed the drainpipe under the sink and turned the "U" trap to point at his crotch. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucille Re: Wired or wireless? Dear Webby What is faster for a home office network, old fashioned cable or wireless? I know I can't go by what the computer magazines say, because those guys never paid for their toys and have to watch who pays for the ads. The machines are not used for high file traffic games, just for office work, but in 4 different rooms. We are moving and I need to quickly decide whether to have the new place cabled or not. Thanks Lucille Dear Lucille Professionally installing cables so that they are hidden, with neat and clean wall jacks, is neither cheap nor fast. If you go that route, check with burglar alarm system installers. They know how to securely hide cables so that absolutely nothing shows. Wireless, even though you may have to buy a wireless router and wireless network cards, will be cheaper, and can be set up in an evening. The file transfer speed of the new N-Class wireless is better than cable, as long as there are no fridges or metal file cabinets bouncing the signal around, and as long as the distance is not over 50 feet, otherwise the file transfer speed is lower than cable. Ethernet cable speed is not likely to improve in the future. That is a set standard. However, wireless is getting better by the season. If you have one or more "roaming" laptops, go with wireless. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 9, 2007 - Victoria, Texas - AP By all accounts, Tahoe is a typical kitten: cute, sleepy and hungry. But his eating habits are far from typical, as the stray's been nursing from a 3-year-old dog named Lillie. Ever since the kitten was found under the hood of Eunice Collins' running Chevrolet Tahoe a few weeks ago, he's been feeding from the unusually cooperative longhaired dachshund. Tahoe feeds in the morning, at night and after naps, purring and pawing at the dog's belly. "That's not going to happen very often," said veterinarian John Beck, who added that the "kitten got lucky, basically" that he found a dog with those maternal instincts. Collins said she was confused by the sound of a kitten meowing as she drove her Tahoe. "I thought I was going crazy," Collins said. "I came to a light and heard it again. So I pulled into a gas station." Collins took the kitten in and kept him in a bedroom. Four days later, she saw Lillie feeding him. "I couldn't believe it," she said. "She has just taken Tahoe on as her baby and has been nurturing and taking care of him. They're just very close." Beck said having Tahoe in the house "induced a false pregnancy, a nursing response." http://apnews.excite.com/article/200707 ... F5A80.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Chalkboard You can make a chalkboard to fit any size of frame. Just take a thin, smooth board (smooth plywood works well for this), cut to the desired size and paint it with dark primer. Let that dry and spray paint it with chalkboard paint, which you can buy at your local hardware store. In some areas, like here, chalk board paint has gone out of fashion and off the shelves. Whiteboard paints for the much more expenseive dry erasable markers is in now. However, chalkboard paint is easy to make, in any color. If you don't have perfectly smoth plywood, a good alternative is used plexiglass from basement windows. It's ball and rock proof, but dulls easily just from occasional cleaning. Just round the corners nicely. For the paint, use a hard, flat acrylic paint, not a soft urethane or epoxy paint. Mix in some chalk-line powder, (the stuff carpenters use to snap long straight lines onto floors or walls), and put the paint on fairly thin. The thinner and the longer you let it dry between coats, the harder it will get. If you are in a real hurry and need a bunch of blackboards immediately, use flat black barbecue paint. For small and precise writing get soap-stone pencils from a welding supply store. They write like a white pencil on barbecue paint on metal or plexiglass or hard wood, and outlast chalks 100 to one. Both the round and the flat soap stone pencils have a thin metal holder and refills. By the way, old plush toys make excellent chalk board erasers. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
BACK IN MY DAY In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads. Back in the 1970s we didn't have the space shuttle to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy moon. In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to cut off somebody's fingers. In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms. Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you had to kill him with a shovel. ============================================= MONGO, NAG AND POO POO Dogs will do the strangest things. It has kept my life very interesting watching their antics. Nag was a no-name breed of dog. He had a long coat. At times I was too darn busy to brush him. He'd go out and lay in the barnyard where chickens would climb onto his back, and scratch. They'd pluck and pull hair until it looked as if I had shorn a sheep. Mongo just arrived one afternoon. He had white hair, droopy ears. Mongo wanted to work. He'd pick up a pail that contained nails, then walk over most of our quarter section happily lugging the pail along. Too bad he didn't want to take up fencing. Poo Poo, (I know, a dumb name for a dog) was a poodle who amused herself by riding on Mongo's back. Up she'd jump, away they'd go. She would get anxious when he went into the bush with his pail. She would dash home, dig holes to put small rocks in, bury them and keep this up till Mongo came home. Nag and Mongo didn't like each other. Instead of having a good, ' clear the air fight,' they would circle each other growling. For an hour or more. The circle get wider until they were on opposite ends of the yard. They would rest, then start all over. Don't dogs ever get dizzy? Mongo had his pail of nails, Nag liked to be groomed by chickens, Poo Poo used Mongo for a horse and buried rocks when worried. All three were sweet, loveable, loyal friends, just a wee bit odd. Funny, I have human friends just like that! I love them anyway! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The new inmate at the mental hospital announced in a loud voice that he was the famous British naval hero, Lord Nelson. This was particularly interesting, because the institution already had a "Lord Nelson." The head psychiatrist, after due consideration, decided to put the two men in the same room, feeling that the similarity of their delusions might prompt an adjustment in each that would help in curing them. It was a calculated risk, of course, for the two men might react violently to one another, but they were introduced and then left alone and no disturbance was heard from the room that night. The next morning, the doctor had a talk with his new patient and was more than pleasantly surprised when he was told "Doctor, I've been suffering from a delusion. I know now for a fact that I am not Lord Nelson." "That's wonderful," said the doctor. "Who are you?" Smiling coyly, the patient replied, "I'm Lady Nelson." ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Word Of Photography
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Camera for boat trip 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  July 13, 2007
Wear something red to show your support of the troops!
======================================

Friday the 13th!
Remember that it's bad luck to be superstitious!

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the
human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
--- Stephen Leacock

The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism
is alcoholism.
--- Norman Brenner

=======================================

The happy couple were at Town Hall, applying for their marriage
license. After they filled out all the papers, the clerk said,
"This license is good for 30 days."

"No, you don't understand," replied the nervous bride-to-be.
"We want one that's for eternity."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Wife: "I'm going to try something new this summer with the
dog and kids."

Husband: "What's that?"

Wife: "I'm sending the dog to camp and the kids to
obedience school."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Betty Perry, 70, Orem Utah Refusing to identify herself July 8, 2007 - Orem, Utah - Daily Herald A 70-year-old US woman has been left bruised and bloody after an unexpected clash with police who came to caution her for not watering her lawn. Trouble flared when Utah pensioner Betty Perry, 70, refused to give her name after being upbraided because her garden breached local regulations. She says the officer hit her with handcuffs, cutting her nose, although police insist she slipped and fell. Ms Perry said she was "distraught" after the incident. She denied accusations she was resisting arrest, maintaining that she only turned to go inside to call her son to fix the confusing dispute. "I tried to sit down and get away from him [the police officer]," she told Utah newspaper the Daily Herald. "I don't know what he's doing. I said: 'What are you doing?' And he hit me with those handcuffs in my face," she said. "He's just trying to cover his tracks, as far as I'm concerned." The officer had judged that Ms Perry's "sadly neglected and dying landscape" breached an Orem city guideline and was attempting to issue a formal caution when the 70-year-old was injured while resisting being arrested for refusing to identify herself. She was treated in a local hospital for the cut to her nose and for other bruises before being taken to jail. But she was let go when police realized there were "other ways" of finding out her identity without jailing her, a police spokesman said. The arresting officer has not been named but has been placed on administrative leave, he added. Ms Perry has been offered help by local church leaders to clean up her garden. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6282348.stm ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Here are some pictures I took from my back yard. I would like to share them with you. It wasn't raining that day. I was out in the back yard working & my friend told me too look at the clouds. I ran to get my camera. Love your letter every morning. Joyce =========================================== A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maria Re: Camera for boat trip Dear Webby What camera would you recommend for a long canoe trip? I don't really want to risk my big Canon, but want to be sure I get reasonably good pictures. Thanks Maria Dear Maria Just get a stack of regular disposable cameras, not the expensive underwater type or the flash type, just the cheap ones you see at gas stations and drug stores and supermarkets. They float, and immersion in water does not seem to bother them one bit. The only drawback I found with them is that they do tend to easily slip out of a shirt pocket and go for a dive whenever you lean over the side of the canoe to retrieve a beverage from the cooler net, or if you get a bit wild with the paddling in a rapid. It's not a real problem, you just wait after the rapids for the camera to catch up, and fish it out. They float a lot slower than a good canoe, so if you temporarily lose one, don't paddle like a maniac trying to catch up with it. It is behind you and will eventually catch up with you, if you simply wait for it. Cameras with a flash and batteries probably won't do so well in the water, but with the plain regular ones I have never had a problem. The pictures are more than good enough for scanning and using on the net. Try not to mix brands, though. They all use different color temperatures. Kodak has a yellow cast, Fuji a green and Agfa a blue cast. If a whole series of pictures has the same cast, the eye compensates for it, but if they are mixed, they look odd and amateurish, and you need to adjust the hue in a graphics program. Decide on one brand, and stick with it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 12, 2007 - Decatur, Georgia - AP A bank robber was stopped when a former Marine knocked him down and held him until police arrived. Timothy Armstead was at a Washington Mutual Bank on Tuesday to find out how someone had stolen $100 from his account when a man wielding a fire extinguisher came in and demanded $2,000. The man told bank employees the fire extinguisher was a bomb and they had five minutes to give him $2,000 in $50 bills, DeKalb County police said. As employees went to the bank vault to comply, the unidentified man began loudly counting down the minutes, attracting the attention of Armstead, police spokesman Michael Payne said. When the robber tried walking out with the money, Armstead — who was already irritated about the money missing from his account — put his daughter down and knocked the man to the ground. The man yielded without a fight. And while they waited for police to arrive, Armstead said he lectured the man on his poor decision. ''I just told him it was a very stupid decision and now you get to spend 20 years of your life just for taking some money,'' Armstead told Atlanta station WSB-TV. http://www.happynews.com/news/7122007/e ... robber.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soap As a Lubricant A normal bar of soap can work well as a lubricant when applied to metal. Use soap on screws before you screw them into hardwood. You can also use soap to speed up a stubborn zipper or a handsaw blade. It also will speed up the runners on windows, sliding doors and drawers.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Liz for this story: A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." ============================================= SUMMER DAYS FOR YAMMER Not again! Ann found her flower beds dug up. Planters were knocked over. Bulbs that were to produce beautiful flowers, gone. Dirt was spread over the entire patio. This was the fourth time her expensive bulbs had been taken. She blamed the sleepy old dog. "I'm gonna skin that mutt," she fumed. She yelled for "Yammer," to come here. The lazy dog was resting in a cool hollow he had dug in the dirt under the patio. He sat in front of her, listened while she told him over and over that he was not allowed to dig in her flowers. He yawned. Ann's husband arrived home late, slightly tipsy, singing, 'Jingle Bells.' He tripped, coming face to face with several pretty kitties, playing in Ann's flower pots. "Hey Ann," he yelled, "Come down here. There's a mess of cats in your flowers." Ann went flying downstairs. She took one look and burst out laughing. Her husband said, "Old Yammer is off the hook now, it's those darn cats." She told him to get a good look at the cats. He leaned closer. Funny looking cats. They all had masks. Ann grinned, "They're racoons, I love racoons." Yammer flopped onto the patio beside Anne. She petted him. "And to think all this time I blamed you Yammer, mom's so sorry." In the cool of the night, old Yammer used his nose to hide his latest batch of stolen bulbs. He liked racoons too, they dug the bulbs for him. Summer was so boring Burying all those bulbs was fun. Tomorrow night they'd hit the neighbors. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Irene for this story: For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wabash Railroad
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Numeric Key pad 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  July 12, 2007
======================================

There is no failure except in no longer trying.
--- Elbert Hubbard

=======================================

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my
vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from
a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully,
then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in
for repair.

At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there
are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw
him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

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Thanks to Unc Wes for this story:
Three priests were in a railroad station on their way
home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very
sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight,
skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous,
so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. "Young lady, I
would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his
composure and fled.

The second priest goes to the window. "Young lady, I would
like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in
nipples and dimes."
Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons," the third priest mutters and moves to the window.
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I
would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, if you insist
on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates,
St. Finger's going to shake his Peter at you."

They took a bus.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to July 9, 2007 - London, UK - AFP A female Muslim juror has been arrested in Britain after allegedly listening to an MP3 player under her hijab headscarf during a murder trial, police said Monday. The woman in her early 20s was spotted by a fellow juror listening to music as she was meant to be helping try the case of a pensioner accused of bludgeoning his wife to death after 50 years of marriage. She could now be charged with contempt of court and, if convicted, may be punished with an indefinite jail sentence and an unlimited fine. Details emerged after the defendant was convicted and Judge Roger Chapple lifted a reporting restriction which prevented previous publication of the details for fear of disrupting proceedings. The woman had repeatedly arrived late for hearings at Blackfriars Crown Court, central London, and prosecuting lawyer Peter Clarke asked for her to be dismissed. The judge initially refused, saying it was not necessary, but a day later, he received a note from another juror suggesting that the woman may have been listening to music during the defendant's evidence. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/070709/o ... ourt_islam ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== My nephew, Greg, is back "on the road". Thought you'd like this. Martin Glacier lilies (Erythronium grandiflorum), Middle Two Medicine Lake, Glacier National Park (Montana) =========================================== THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids. After about a minute or so, he spoke: "From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter. The first one is "gross". And the other one is "cool". Are there any questions?" After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand, and the teacher calls upon him. In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks... "So, what are they?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helga Re: Numeric keys for laptop Dear Webby The numeric keypad keys on my laptop are dual-function keys embedded in the regular keyboard. It does have the numbers again on top, but I can't get any speed going with those. Is there a solution for that? Thanks Helga Dear Helga Yes, you can get numeric keypads quite cheaply. For example Dalco sells them for about $10. They just plug into any USB port and act like the standard numeric key pad on the side of a regular keyboard. Do yourself a long term favor and use it on the left side of the laptop keyboard. That frees your right hand for making checkmarks or notations on the data that you enter. You will be surprised how fast you can learn to operate it with the left hand without looking at it. If you go to a Surveyor or Engineering supply store, you can even get a thigh holster for them, so that you can use it quite conveniently and comfortably if you have no space beside the laptop. When you got a lot of paperwork spread out, that can make a huge difference. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 9, 2007 - Claremont, California - UPI A thief who stole a chandelier from the rear entry of a California boutique was caught when the store owner conducted her own sting operation. Brenda Monahan, who runs the Three French Hens boutique in Claremont, was burgled of a box containing a $1,400 chandelier. She then set out a less valuable chandelier and trained the building's security cameras on it, The Los Angeles Times reported. Through the security camera, Monahan got a good look at the thief. She later set out other ceiling fixtures and alerted the police. When the thief showed up at the expected time, police nabbed him, the Times reported. Upon inspecting the accused thief's house, police found the other light fixtures that had been stolen, the newspaper said. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-211320-285437
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Weight Loss Eat an apple and drink a full glass of water before eating dinner. Both are good for you and will allow you to feel full more quickly. This will prevent you from eating too much of the actual dinner, which may not be as good for you.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' break room saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." ============================================= An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Jake do we still have intercourse?" Jake answered, "Nah, I told you last time already. We have Blue Cross!" ============================================= REAR END TACTIC My dad had a small terrier type dog named Sam. He was just a small brown tog, with a huge dog attitude. Sam had it in for cats. If one dared to cross his path, the battle was on. Most dogs will chase a cat, catch up to it, usually getting his nose slapped by a paw loaded with hot needles. The dog will do some barking before they part company. Sam had his own unique way of battling with cats. He'd had his fill of being slapped by hot feet. He learned a new tactic that had dad rolling around laughing. He'd spot a cat and do his best ferocious barking. He'd wait until the cat had puffed out to four times it's size, then he'd charge. Most cats stood their ground. That's when the fun started. At least for dad. Sam would race up to the cat. Just before reaching it he'd spin his body around in mid flight. His rump would slam into the poor kitty, knocking them off their feet. He was a sturdy dog, when he threw his hindquarters at the cat, the startled feline would go sailing, wondering if it should stay and fight, or leave. If they stayed, Sam would repeat his rear end maneuver. The cat would eventually leave looking very ruffled and dazed. My dad would howl watching Sam throw his weight around. They would take up sentry duty, waiting for the next cat to walk into the yard. I thought they were both slightly batty. The cat's got smart. They sat on the fence around the property, where Sam would go slightly berserk. He hated it when a cat would perch high up to gaze down on him. The cats loved it. I think they were just getting even! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Live painter
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Windows start-up sequence 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  July 11, 2007
======================================

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
--- Franklin P. Jones

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of
imagination."
--- Oscar Wilde

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man
realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake
him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ."

He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning,
the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't
wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to
break up with her boyfriend.  She seemed awfully concerned
that he not be angry.

"Are you afraid he'll spread lies about you?" I asked.

"I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth, I'll break
his neck," she answered.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an odourous German Smelly Feet July 9, 2007 - Kaiserslautern, Germany - Reuters German police broke into a darkened flat fearing they would find a dead body after neighbors complained of a nasty smell seeping out on to the staircase. The shutters of the apartment had been closed for more than a week and the postbox was filled with uncollected mail. But instead of a corpse police found a tenant with badly smelling feet asleep in bed next to a pile of foul-smelling laundry, police in the southwestern town of Kaiserslautern said on Sunday. http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/thepress/w ... a4560.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Hi Webby. Got this from my daughter-in-law in Tx. where they are having all the rain .We have been getting a lot of rain here too and if It keeps up , the ladies here may need them also ! Thought you may like it . jjs =========================================== After trying a new shampoo for the first time. A guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items. "Well, what do you think" his wife asked smiling. "Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to Mercedes! =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: A few people Re: Windows start-up sequence How can I re-arrange the start-up sequence for different programs in Windows to get to the mail faster? Dear Messing with the start-up sequence is more of a black art than a clear science. Windows doesn't really start things one at a time, but more like the "But first..." joke from a few days ago. And before all that, it loads parts of Internet Explorer to make magazine testers think MSIE loads faster thanFirefox or Oprera, when you open a browser. Then it starts loading stuff, but while it is waiting for the hard drive to deliver what it needs for that, it starts loading more stuff. Even though it appears as insane as a Chinese Fire Drill in Vancouver, it does actually finish loading everything in the shortest possible time. If you mess with it, it is probably going to take longer. However if you insist on messing with it, you can download Mike Lin's Start-Up Control Panel from http://www.mlin.net/StartupCPL.shtml You can probably get better results if you simply use the Tools in CrapCleaner and dump no longer fashionable utilities and stuff right out of the start-up sequence. You can also get to your mail faster if you reduce the restore period in MailWasher to the minimum. If you don't miss any mail in one day, you are probably not going to root through the spam restore bin a few days later. Also age off the blacklist in 2 days max. Spammers don't use the same forged name twice in a row anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 9, 2007 - Merritt Island, Florida - WFTV The sight of an unclaimed newspaper may have saved a Brevard County man's life. Tonya Brand was on her normal route on Merritt Island, when she noticed one of her customers, Jean Plante, had not retrieved his paper from the day before. She also heard water running in his apartment. Brand immediately called authorities. "I knew something was wrong. He wouldn't leave town with his water running and not stop his paper," Brand said. Plante was unconscious in his apartment and was rushed to Cape Canaveral Hospital. The next day, Brand made a special delivery and brought his paper to him at the hospital. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/13646661/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Microwave Fill a microwave safe bowl 3/4 of the way with water. Add a slice of lemon (or vinegar) to the water and then heat it until steaming in the microwave. Remove the hot bowl of water and wipe the microwave out with a damp sponge. Food splatters should wipe off easily.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he or she fills out a job application form. ============================================= When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ============================================= FASHIONABLE BAUBLES I love parades. The kids, clowns, floats, marching bands, but most of all the horses decked out in their finery. It's especially fun to see the young county kids ride their horses, waving to the crowd, showing off just how hard it was to get that animal gleaming after hours of washing, brushing and braiding the mane and tails of their mount. At one parade, two little girls rode bareback. The huge black horse pranced right along. The only thing was, he tinkled. It sounded like wind chimes, crystal bells, a really pretty sound. As he passed by, onlookers doubled up, pointing their fingers at the horses behind. Apparently, some form of accident had resulted in the loss of most of the long tail hair that would have reached the ground in a lush waterfall. The girls did the best they could to get him parade dressed. They had woven wind chimes, tiny glass bells, silver Christmas tree garland, feathers that floated in the wind, plus some yellow plastic flowers into what was left of his tail. With every step, that horse produced music. It was to the horse's great credit that he totally ignored the hardware banging around his rump. Did it embarrass the girls? Nope! While people laughed, they happily waved the ribbon for first place, for the best looking horse in the parade! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== NEW DEFINITIONS Seamstress \seem'-stres\: Describes 250 pounds in a size six. Selfish \sel'-fish\: What the owner of a seafood store does. Subdued \sub-dood'\: Like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man. Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: Bringing litigation against a government official. Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a bill. Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with. Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Guitars
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Puppy Spam 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  July 10, 2007
======================================

"It's graduation time in New York City and many of the
students here are honor students. Yes your honor, no your
honor, not guilty your honor." --Dave Letterman

=======================================

 The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.
Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said,
"Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons."
"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.
You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons.
They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"


"Not really," Willie said, "If nobody ain't got no crayons,
then what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his Mom is
baking. He puts his Hand in the flour and then wipes it all
over his face."Mamacita, look, I'm a white boy."

His Mom slaps his face and says, "Go show your Father."

He goes to his Dad in the living room and says,
"Look Papacita, I'm a white boy."
His Dad slaps him hard in the face and says,
"Go show you Grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says,
"Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy."
His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him
back to his Mother.

His mother says, "What did you learn from that?"

The boy replies:
"I have only been white for five minutes and already I don't
like you Mexicans!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Giordano, 47, of New York Some budy! June 30, 2007 - New York - AP With his roommate still unconscious from a car crash, Anthony Giordano told police officers he was the injured man's brother and took his wallet before embarking on a $22,000 spending spree, police said. Giordano, a former Long Island resident, was extradited to New York from South Carolina on Friday, according to the Suffolk County Police Department. He faces charges of identity theft and grand larceny. Authorities said Giordano, 47, was already lying to his roommate at the time of the crash, telling Geoffrey MacMurdo he was a Sept. 11 victim and a New York firefighter. When MacMurdo was involved in the crash in June 2005 that eventually cost him his leg, Giordano claimed his belongings from officers, police said. Giordano ran up more than $22,000 in charges on his roommate's credit cards and on new cards he took out in MacMurdo's name, police said. He used the cards at a strip club and to buy a 15-year-old Jeep, police said. After the crash, Giordano continued to live with MacMurdo. He moved out without warning in May 2006 and eventually moved to South Carolina. It was only after he moved that his roommate began to suspect him. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0706 ... mate_theft ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks for Dani from Montana for sending this picture: =========================================== Thanks for Cookie for bringing back this classic: Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce a year before. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding." Jennifer just smiled at her mother. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eric Re: Puppies spam Dear Webby Lately I have received unsolicited mail from somebody claiming to have puppies available to a good home, first there was a batch of letters about pugs, now a bunch about bulldogs. The letters showed up in all of my business and private addresses. So, something is obviously fishy! What's the scoop? Eric Dear Eric I got them too, but mailWasher dumped them. However, I was able to restore one of them and sent it to SpamCop. Those puppy letters come from or through a spam server in Thailand. They are fairly harmless dupe harvesters. As long as you let MailWasher dump them, nothing will happen. However, if your Gramma doesn't have proper spam protection, and is gullible enough to reply, she will be added to some "Most Gullible Dupes" database, and can expect all kinds of sleazy scams showing up in her mailbox. Whenever you see copies of the same unexpected letter from a stranger arrive at multiple mailboxes, dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 22, 2007 - CNET News Solar energy isn't the only renewable resource: there's also garbage. A company called AgriPower will begin production next year of a movable power generator fueled by a wide range of waste products, from walnut shells to discarded tires. Although solar and wind energy are the best-known renewable energies, generating power from biomass is getting a closer look, as societies try to diversify their fuel sources. AgriPower's combined heat and power system was originally envisioned for developing countries that could burn agricultural wastes to make electricity and heat. The multi-piece unit includes a large feed hopper that holds 5 tons of material, and a high-temperature incinerator that vaporizes biomass as it comes in. The resulting heat can be used to turn a turbine to make 300 kilowatts of electricity. The heat can also be used to power other processes like heating. http://news.com.com/Portable+power+from ... g=txt.caro
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Date When Buying Dairy When buying milk or any dairy product at the grocery store, be sure to check the "use by" or "sell buy" date on the packaging. If the date is not to your liking, grab a carton from the back of shelf. There is no sense is buying products that will go bad before you can use them.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license plate number!" "That's no help," Bubba replied, "I'm using the license plate I stole off the mayor's truck to cut down on the speeding tickets." ============================================= GINGER'S DIMPLES A young girl was sitting in front of the vetetarinarians, crying, with her small dog in her arms. Concerned, I asked if could help. She hugged her dog closer. "My mom is going to be so mad at me." She broke into sobs. "She told me I could have Ginger as long as she didn't cause any trouble." I glanced at her dog Ginger, biting my lip to keep from smiling. The small dog had a head, a tail, the middle was a bloated sausage. I've never seen a dogs bottom that had dimples. After more questioning, plus passing on a Kleenex, I learned more. She spent six months with her dad, the next half year with her mom. Dad had bought the puppy, mom said she could bring the thing with her, only if the dog didn't cause any problems. The dog was sick at the airport, so a disquieted mom took the kid and fat dog to the vet. The girl started crying again. "The vet said my dog was too heavy, she has to lose weight." Sad blue eyes looked up at me. "I've never had a dog before. Ginger is supposed to eat special diet food now, Mom is going to be so ticked off." She hugged her dog tighter. "The vet told me that Ginger was pushing my buttons to get food, and that I was allowing her to do that." I just could not hold back the giggles when she wailed, "I've looked all over myself for those buttons and I just can't find any!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The impish girl turned on the tractor and pushed the outhouse into the creek. Later, her father told her the story of George Washington chopping down his father's cherry tree but wasn't spanked because he had told the truth. The girl proudly announced, "I cannot tell a lie. I pushed the outhouse into the creek." He told her to bend over and the shocked child protested that George Washington had not been punished. The father replied, "Well, George's father wasn't IN the cherry tree when it got chopped down!" ========================================
Thanks to TDianne for today's Bonus Link: 100 years of Hershey Kisses
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: RTF Gobledigook 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  July 9, 2007
======================================

"No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave."
--- Calvin Coolidge

=======================================

From Tim
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up
call.  The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did
not ring until 6:30.

"Good morning," a young man said sheepishly.
"This is your wake-up call."

Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it.  "You were supposed
to call me at 6!",  I complained.  "What if I had a million-dollar
deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss
out on it?"

"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a
million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in
this motel!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for these Call Center recordings:

Customer:   "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and
can't get through; can you help?"

Operator:   "Where did you get that number, sir?"

Customer:   "It's on the door of your business."

Operator:   "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
-------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )

"If I register my car in France , and then take it to England ,
do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
------------------------
Caller:  "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized
that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I
get my file back again?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Victoria McArthur of Boston Massachusetts Too klutzy for eating candy A Michigan woman is claiming that a Mars candy turned into locked her jaw, and now she's suing Mars. Victoria McArthur said she locked her jaw while eating Starburst candies. She said a piece of the candy caused her top and bottom teeth to stick together, resulting in a condition called "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction." McArthur is demanding $25,000 from the Mars Corp. to pay for her rehabilitation, plus compensation for her pain and suffering. She may have difficulty proving in court that she locked her jaw because of eating a Mars candy, and not because of trying to say "temporal mandibular joint dysfunction" while eating another brand of candy. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks for Dianne for sending this picture: Tide coming in at LaJolla =========================================== "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art, a Viet Nam Vet. That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" The vet replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it when I came in late." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Gobledigook Dear Webby I wrote to my nephew, was ok when I sent it to him, when he replied to me this is how the letter I wrote to him came back in the reply. >We did our best to distract her honey, but...........Maddy is very bright and never bit for our humorous attempts of  distraction. Jaye Dear Jaye He is abusing Microsoft WORD. Tell him to read the instructions about mailing from WORD and to turn off RTF. That's just for using amongst WORD users who don't have standard email programs. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 1, 2007 - Takoma Park, Maryland - Press Release Cub Scouts from Takoma Park, Maryland recently raised enough money selling lemonade to protect a section of rainforest in Guyana more than six times the size of their hometown. The project was based on a suggestion by Scout Alex Rice's father, Dick, chief economist at Conservation International, which has an innovative agreement to lease 200,000 acres of rainforest in Guyana. CI pays the government what it would have received had the area been logged. CI has partnered with Save Your World(TM), www.saveyourworld.com, a natural, quality personal care product company with conservation objectives. Save Your World(TM) is helping to pay the annual royalties and fees required to maintain this agreement. Charging 30 cents a cup, the scouts knew they would be protecting significant acreage with each lemonade sale. "We tried to make prices a multiple of 15 cents, because 15 cents saves an acre of land for one year" said Cub Scout Aaron Richards. Drinks and snacks sold at the annual soapbox derby quickly generated $426.13 and with double matching funds from Save Your World(TM) and CI, the total $1278.39 saved 8,523 acres of rainforest for one year. Not bad for a Saturday afternoon. The pace was set by Aaron, 11, and his sister Alana, 8, who together donated $171.33 -- a whole year's worth of funds saved for charity. "I have been saving since last year because I thought we might do another lemonade stand to save the rainforest," said Aaron. "We get $3 allowance every week; $1 goes into the bank, $1 goes to anything we want, and $1 goes to community service or charity." Lemonade for forest
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Jars For Small Items
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!" ============================================= SONG IN THE KEY OF BAAAA Bedlam. That's what the bus driver was thinking as he picked up the last three students riding the school bus. There was some sort of scuffle at the back of the bus, he got up to settle things down. Shutting the door, he headed out for the school, dreaming of retirement. Suddenly he heard a sound that he couldn't quite figure out. The kids in unison made the same noise. Baaaa. Was this some sort of new song, a game, or just a new way for him to grow more grey hair? He liked the kids but they could be weird to his way of thinking. It was only a 10 minute drive, but the entire trip the kids sang our, Baaaa, Baaaa over and over. He sighed, this generation of kids were just not on his wave length. He stopped the bus, allowing the kids to head off to school. Standing outside the bus, he relaxed. That had to one of the strangest rides ever. He heard it again. Baaaa. Damn, it must be his new hearing aids. He took them out, walked over to a friends bus where they headed out for coffee. Alone under a tree, a nice little goat sat. Lots of grass to eat, human's who petted him, and best of all, a ride where all the kids talked his language. It was well worth, jumping the fence, climbing aboard the bus and talking goat with all the kids. He'd wait right here until they came out to go home. Baaaa Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia. "What's that?" she asked. "It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that." As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?" ========================================
Thanks to Trish for today's Bonus Link: Pommegranates
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Bat to clean out the Quarantine 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  July 8, 2007
======================================

"It is time for us all to cheer for the doer, the achiever -
the one who recognizes the challenge and does something
about it."
--- Vince Lombardi

It's been said that the only constant is change.
I don't agree with that. There's another constant,
and that's the desire for change.
— Dr. Robert Maurer

=======================================

Thanks to Tim for this story:
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife
to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into
our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to
her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it
needed to be pushed at a speed of at least 30mph for it
to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming, wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror
coming at me at about 40 mph, I realized that I should have
been a bit clearer with my directions.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Tongue Twister
A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott in
June 1849. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case
it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was
not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that
the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be  possible that
the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We  think, however,
that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott,  but Nott. Anyway it
is hard to tell who was shot and who was not.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an ice cream vendor in Benton, Michigan Wrong Flavor! July 6, 2007 - Benton Township, Michigan - AP Southwestern Michigan authorities say they arrested an ice cream truck operator who was selling marijuana along with his frozen desserts. After authorities got tips about the alleged pot-peddler, a deputy "heard jingling bells" about 2 p.m. Thursday and saw the ice cream truck entering a mobile home park, Berrien County sheriff's Lt. Keith Hafer said in a written statement. Deputy John Hopkins stopped the truck, spoke with the driver and "detected the odour of marijuana coming from the truck (along with tutti-frutti and a couple other flavours) ," Hafer wrote. Authorities searched the van and found several packages of marijuana under the dashboard, the statement said. The 36-year-old suspect was jailed while awaiting arraignment on charges of marijuana possession with intent to deliver and maintaining a drug vehicle. He also faces an outstanding warrant for skipping child support, Hafer said. Authorities released the vehicle to the vending company "in spite of an effort by Narcotics Officers to devise a way to forfeit the vehicle and its icy cold treats," Hafer said. He said police would seek revocation of the company's license to operate in Benton Township. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 61-ap.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks for Sandie for sending this picture: =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this one: A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was. .......... God I miss him. "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why? "Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCR....D." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Shortcut to Quarantine Dear Webby By golly, it worked! I had a ton of quarantined files that I ditched.....you might want to remind folks to delete their recycle bin too! Thanks for the heads up on this one! I would love to have a short cut on my desktop to that particular file....can I just right click and make a shortcut while in the last file (quarantine)? Carol Dear Carol No, making a shortcut to a quarantined virus is not a good idea. Just write a bat with a plain text editor like NoteMaid or Notepad. Start a new file, save it to C:\ as maq.bat If you are using Notepad, make sure it doesn't rename it to maq.bat.txt Into it paste these lines, what is between the double lines, without the double lines: ====================================== @echo off REM maq.bat to clean the McAfee Quarantine C: REM one long line between this and the next REM cd C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\McAfee\VirusScan\Quarantine\ REM make sure above line is on ONE line dir pause del /F /Q *.* echo McAfee Quarantine cleaned pause ====================================== The only critical part is to make sure that the line, that starts with cd C:\, is not line-wrapped into two lines. Save it and find it with Explorer. It SHOULD be in C:\ Make a shortcut to it and drag that to the desktop. Here is what it does: When you click it, it opens a DOS session Turns the echo off and does not echo REMarks and comands onto the screen, just the results Then it goes to where the stuff is. Next it shows you a directory listing, just for your amusement and edification The PAUSE waits for a key press, so that the listing doesn't just go away unseen. Then it force deletes all the viruses and crap, tells you what it has done and waits for your keypress then it goes away. You could strip the REMarks, the dir and the pauses out, but if you ever need to modify it, or write something similar, then you will be glad you got those "educational" lines in there. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos uly 2, 2007 - Lake Havasu, Arizona - AP A woman who works as a makeup artist and grocery store deli clerk found $20,000 at a bank's drive-up depository, then calmly walked into the bank and turned over the cash. Linda Hatch said her mind raced in the seconds after she found the two $10,000 bundles in a plastic deposit tube. ''Am I in the middle of a bank robbery ... a drug bust, is someone going to pick up the money?'' Hatch said of the June 25 find. ''I was like, 'Oh my gosh. What do I do?''' Hatch, who owns a permanent makeup business in Lake Havasu City and moonlights at an Albertsons store, said the bank teller she approached was just as confused about what to do. ''She looked at me like, 'What is this?''' Hatch said. Hatch said she filed a police report in the days after turning over the cash, and hasn't been told by the bank if the rightful owner has ever surfaced. Bank employees declined to comment. Hatch, said she was ''shaken for five hours'' after the discovery, but has no second thoughts about turning in the cash. ''It's not enough money to move to Mexico,'' she said with a laugh. http://www.happynews.com/news/722007/wo ... t-tube.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Jars For Small Items Baby food jars are great for storing small nails, screws and other items so that they are easy to see. You can attach the metal lids to the underside of a shelf, the jars can then hang from the shelf and be seen easily. When I was living in a hastily built cabin in the Yukon while rebuilding the house, that had burned down, I used a similar system. I trimmed a small log to took like a 6-sided banister post, and suspended it between two "L" brackets with a big screw in each end. Each of the six sides held a different group of items, and I could just turn it to whichever side I needed. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam.. I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!" ============================================= HOT BOTTOM He was a mean monster. Standing at least 20 feet tall, teeth the size of loaves of bread, breath like a pig stall, plus a tail that swished back and forth causing them to run for cover. He liked to swat them, hold them with one paw while they cried in terror. His huge green eyes would shine in gleeful delight when was able to get past mama to maul them. The monster was a cat called Slugger. He loved to pick on three Chihuahua puppies. He'd wait until Mini, the mother dog left her babies alone, then creep up to their box, intent on terrorizing her pups From their tiny size he looked enormous. Mini would race back to defend her little ones. The cat always left before she arrived. The pups grew until they were able to go through the doggie door into the great outside. Slugger woke up from a nap, looked around for Mini, then made a lurch through the door to catch a puppy. He got halfway through, heaved, twisted, shoved, but he was stuck. This presented a wonderful chance for the puppies to get up close and personal, barking and nipping his face. Slugger had to take the punishment. He heard Mini's claws on the floor behind him.She could hear her excited babies on the other side of the door, She did what dogs do. She looked at the fat rump on that dreadful cat, and bit, hard, several times. Slugger felt his bottom being stabbed. Making a supreme effort, he lunged through the door, soaring into a tree to sulk. It would be a long time before he forgot about the diminutive little mother dog with fire in her veins, and a bite that felt like he had sat in a hornet's nest. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The "BUT FIRST" Syndrome. We all have it. You decide to do the laundry. So you start down the stairs with the laundry, but then you see the newspapers on the table. OK, you'll do the laundry......... BUT FIRST you decide to put the newspapers away. On your way to put the newspapers away, you notice the mail on the table. OK, you'll put the newspapers away........ BUT FIRST you'll pay that bill that needs to be paid. You look for the checkbook. Oops... there's the baby's bottle from yesterday on the floor. OK, you'll pay the bill........ BUT FIRST you need to put the bottle in the sink. You head for the kitchen. There's the remote for the TV. What's it doing in here? OK, you'll put the bottle in the sink..... BUT FIRST you need to put the remote away. Head for the TV room. Aaagh!!! stepped on the cat! Cat needs to be fed. OK, you'll put the remote away... BUT FIRST you need to feed the cat. At the end of the day...... The laundry is not done; newspapers are still on the floor; baby's bottle is on the table; bills are still unpaid; checkbook is still lost; cat ate the remote control....... And when you stop to figure out how come nothing got done all day, you are baffled because......you know you were busy ALL DAY!! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Rila Monastery
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to dump the quarantine 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  July 7, 2007
======================================

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not
balanced by sadness.
--- Carl Jung

"According to a new study, children that snore get lower
grades...especially if they're snoring in class."
--- Jay Leno

=======================================

Sorry about the typo yesterday in the link to the SpamCops.
there is no "s" at the end:
http://spamcop.net

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after
having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to
have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot
my rubber gloves inside you."

"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay
for them if you just leave me alone."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to McDonalds employees in Rockford, Illinois Not helpful at all! July 4, 2007 - Rockford, Illinois - CBS A genetic syndrome has left Illinois resident Dawn Larson without hands or fully developed arms. Larson has learned to lead a full life by using her feet. She's even able to drive. She says she's never had a problem in public until she went through a McDonald's drive-thru in Rockford last fall. Normally, Larson first gives the cashier her debit card to pay for the order and then grabs the food and drink with both feet. But at McDonald's she said they took her money at one window but wouldn't give her the food at the next window. Larson says she felt degraded. "I reached my foot out the window to grab the food," says Larson. "She set the food down, raised her hands up really high in the air and slammed them down on the counter. This was like violently." "'I am not doing this,' she screamed that at me, 'Absolutely not doin' this.'" The restaurant offered her a $10 gift certificate. She then contacted a lawyer and two months later experienced the same thing at a different Rockford McDonald's. Now she's suing the company for $4 million and wants it to improve employee training. "She was asking for no special accommodations, she just wanted to be treated like everyone else. And that's where I believe McDonald's certainly violated her rights," said Laurel Wykes Smith, Dawn's Attorney. McDonald's says it can't comment on Larson's lawsuit but it has a strict policy against any discrimination in its restaurants. http://cbs2chicago.com/watercooler/wate ... 31037.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks for Deeli for sending this picture: =========================================== Thanks to Susan for this story: After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nicole Re: McAfee Quarantine Dear Webby I have had this computer for a bit over 4 years and lately it has gotten rather sluggish, especially doing a file search. When I was playing with DisKeeper trying to improve things, it told me that the File Allocation Table was too full. While trying to find out what filled that up with too many files, I eventually thought of McAfee quarantining all the crap that comes in the mail these days. No matter how hard or where I looked, there is no way to turn that quarantine off, and the only way to delete the Gazillion of files quarantined in 4 1/2 years is one at a time, IF the sheer number of them does not overwhelm the Security center. Well, it does! Why is that, and how do I get around that klutz-up? Nicole Dear Nicole I couldn't find an answer either, until I went onto some forums and asked. It seems that there is too much "64K Thinking" at McAfee. (Like Bill Gates once thought that 64 K was plenty of RAM for a computer). McAfee did not forsee the huge number of viruses and similar crap, that we get these days, and that there would be a need to clean out the quarantine when it reaches a certain level. They also failed to realize, that deleting files from the quarantine one at a time is kinda stupid if you are dealing with over 100,000 files. Well, on the forum I found out that the files are in C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\McAfee\VirusScan\Quarantine Windows Explorer usually can't deal with directories with that many files. You can try deleting small bunches at a time until you have whittled it down to the point where you can delete the rest of them in one shot. If you can't whittle them down, go to DOS. Either use my old trick for making Explorer open a DOS window at the spot that you look at with Explorer, or do it manually (START, run, cmd) and type in cd C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\McAfee\VirusScan\Quarantine Because of the lame brained spaces in those directory names, you may have to try a few times. Once you are there, you can try the command dir That will show you how many files you got in there. Scary! After that, make double sure you are indeed in that folder, and type del /F /Q *.* That will delete all those files, quietly and without asking you if you are sure. It will take some time, but eventually the prompt will return. You can try dir again, and see that they are indeed all gone. Don't be surprised if your computer will act a lot snappier and faster after that. Naturally, I tried it myself, before passing on the information. I had 85,000 files in my Quarantine. To automate that rigamarole, I wrote a little bat and now I can dump the quarantine with a click on an icon. If you are interested in how to write that bat, let me know and I'll show you tomorrow. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 6, 2007 - Cardiff, Wales - Ananova Postman Ryan Davenport made a special delivery while on his usual round in South Wales - a baby. It happened when he reached the home of Melanie Newman on the St Mellon's estate in Cardiff, reports Sky News. The mother-of-three flung open the front door and shouted: "Help me! My baby is arriving!" Mr. Davenport, 27, immediately called for an ambulance on his mobile phone. But it soon became clear that the baby had no intention of waiting for the paramedics to arrive. As a result the postie turned midwife and, taking medical advice over the phone, delivered the baby himself. The child, named Sophie, was born safely in the hallway of her mother's home in Clos Maerun. Although three weeks premature, she weighed a healthy 6lbs 6oz. "I don't know what I would have done if Ryan hadn't come along," said 33-year-old Ms Newman. "I just shouted to him to come and help me. He was brilliant." Mr. Davenport said: "It all happened so quickly - one minute I was delivering mail, the next minute I was delivering a baby." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2402764.html?menu=
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Dishes Unstuck When two dishes are stuck, one nested in the other, pour cold water in the top dish while dipping the bottom dish in warm water. The warm water will make the bottom dish expand while the top dish contracts. Works with glasses and bowls.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Martin for this: Subject: There's a Republican on my porch This little old lady calls 911 When the operator answers, she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away. There's a danged Republican on my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a danged Republican on my front porch playing with himself; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated. "Well, now, how do you know he's a Republican?" "Because, you danged fool, if he was a Democrat, he'd be screwing somebody. ============================================= SOGGY SNACK "You need to use a lot of sunblock, or you'll burn as red as an apple." Grandma warned her two grand sons. She slathered the boys with the stuff then sent them out to play. They wanted grandpa to take them fishing. However he was sound asleep in the sun, snoring in his hammock. The boys decided to go next door to play instead of waking the old fellow. Four hours later, they returned finding one of Grandma's pet goats in the yard. The nanny goat was chewing contentedly, under Grandpa's hammock. Approaching the hammock, they saw something that made them stop in their tracks. They took another horrified look, then raced to the house crying. They almost knocked grandma over. "You have to come get Grandpa, " they sobbed. "His hair has melted right off his head." both boys were shaking, "You should see his head, it's burned bright red." All three rushed out to find that indeed Grandpas head glowed like a neon light. He woke up, reaching up to touch his head, felt around for a bit then bellowed, "Where is it, did you boys, take it?" The boys were baffled. Take what? Grandma spotted the goat under the hammock. Her grandsons were disgusted when she reached into the goats mouth hauling out a soggy mess. She held it up laughing, "You silly old fool." she grinned wickedly, "I warned you that sooner or later something would happen if you insisted on wearing a toupee. Guess nanny goat wanted a snack!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Japanese Pagodas
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Report scams 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  July 6, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

No opera plot can be sensible,
for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible.
--- W. H. Auden


Ask yourself the easy questions and you’ll have a hard life,
ask yourself the hard questions and you’ll have an easier life!
— Peter Thomson:

=======================================

Thanks to Nari for bringing back this classic:

I was a Bible seller a few years ago when I was down on my
luck a bit. Trying to sell Bibles on the corner was tough and
I wasn't doing too well when this young fellow with a really
bad stutter came up to me and said,
"Wha wha what are you, you, try try trying to s s s sell?"

I said I'm selling Bibles and I'm not doing too well.
Well with that he made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
"C c c can I t t ttake a couple and s s s sell them them
d d door to d d door for you?" he asked.

So I gave him three Bibles and he was off, but only for
twenty minutes and he was back cash in hand, amazing!
So with no hesitation he was off with six more, and again
about half an hour later, all gone! Incredible, too good to
be true, so I thought I'd follow him and see what his
secret was!

He tapped on the door of his next house and I heard him
say to the householder,"W ww wo wou would you you you
li li li like t t t to b b b buy a B B BIble or would y y y you
you you li li li like like m m me t t t ta read it t t to you?!!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Tower: "Alpha Charlie, climb immediately to
four thousand feet for noise abatement."

Pilot: "How can I possibly be creating
excess noise at three thousand feet?"

Tower: "At four thousand feet, you will miss
that ugly helicopter ahead of you. They make a
big racket when you hit them."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 53-year-old Anthony Zuniga Mail Thief! July 3, 2007 - Houston, Texas - AP A federal judge in Houston has ordered a year and a-half in prison for a now-former postal clerk in a DVD-by-mail theft investigation. Authorities accused 53-year-old Anthony Zuniga of Houston of swiping thousands of movies from the mail system. Zuniga was convicted of two counts of mail theft by a postal employee. He also was sentenced Monday to three years probation and must pay a $4,000 fine. Netflix last year notified the U.S. Postal Service about an unusually high number of DVDs missing from a certain post office box. Investigators said Zuniga was stationed at that center. Prosecutors said surveillance showed Zuniga stealing 122 DVDs from the post office. On Aug. 3, 2006, inspectors observed Zuniga dumping a tub of Netflix and Blockbuster DVDs into a plastic bag and then leaving the postal facility with the plastic bag. Zuniga's vehicle was stopped as it was exiting the parking lot and inspectors found the plastic bag containing the DVDs on the floor of the vehicle. The bag contained 122 DVDs. After an interview with postal inspectors, Zuniga consented to a search of his home. Inside the home, inspectors found 8,177 stolen pieces of mail -- including 5,937 Netflix DVDs and 1,497 Blockbuster DVDs. Zuniga, who had been a Postal Service employee since 1974, resigned his job after being caught stealing the DVDs. http://www.local6.com/news/13612024/detail.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Hi Webby- Love your newsletter. I was trying to take a picture of one of our Ranunculus flowers, when my dog decided to smell the camera instead of the flower. I thought your readers might find the picture funny. Hope you have an wonderful day, Ana =========================================== Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== Today I'll show you a typical help request of the type that I answer hundreds of during the day. Isn't it amazing what some people do to amuse me? From the Tech Support Pits: From: typical NON-subsriber Re: Visitors help Request Name: Loraine e-mail: ****@cheerful.com Tried to: Pick up a Postcard Cards from: http://91.146.15.110/?6caca43e297e646d1deed435601e5ee Had an error: none Comments: Depending on what it says and whom it's from, I may need this cared in a court case. Thanks for the help. The message I get when I attempt to open it and the email. "The server at 91.146.15.110 is taking too long to respond." Complete copy of email: From: "MyPostcards.Com" .............. Dear Lorraine Yes, it would be great if you took that spoof to court! You can easily get all the information you need if you 1) reveal the headers of that spoof mail 2) paste that information to the Spamcops at http://spamcop.net 3) print the analysis report that they will provide. 4) provide that analysis report and the original spoof to your lawyer. Even if your lawyer discourages you from suing the Russian spoofer, (that IP number is registered in Russia), you will still gain a lot of insight when you look at the analysis report from the Spamcops. By the way, Mypostcards.com sells postcard SOFTWARE, but doesn't send postcards. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 1, 2007 - Miami, Florida - AP A 105-year-old Cuban-born man who had at least one pending wish finally had it fulfilled _ he became a U.S. citizen. Jose Temprana celebrated by sipping champagne with friends at the Hispanic Community Center in Miami on Friday. ''I feel different,'' said Temprana, who served 30 years in Cuban jails. ''Satisfied, very happy. It was worth the wait.'' Temprana has the vitality of a younger man. Nicknamed ''El Nino'' (The Boy), he rides his scooter to the store to play the lottery, rolls his own cigars, drinks whiskey with neighbors and has a girlfriend. ''He's just got a great spirit,'' said his neighbor Patti Hernandez. ''Everybody's going, 'Come on, he can't really be that old.''' Temprana was born in the Cuban province of Pinar del Rio on Sept. 26, 1901. He worked as a sponge diver and lobster fisherman and had eight children with his first wife, who died giving birth to the youngest. He remarried, and his second wife died in 2002. In 1964, he was imprisoned in Cuba for smuggling weapons from the United States into the island for an insurrection against Fidel Castro. Temprana got out at age 93, applied for a humanitarian visa and flew to Miami. Once here, he worked to get his citizenship but fell short twice. ''I've wanted ... it since I was 8 or 10 years old,'' Temprana said. http://www.happynews.com/news/712007/ma ... itizen.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reduce Static On Carpets To cut down on those annoying static shocks from walking on your carpet, mix 1 part fabric softener to 5 parts water in a clean spray bottle. Put the spray bottle on its widest setting and spray your carpet with a light mist. That makes your hallways smell nice, but on some carpets may increase the static when the water dries. Plus it can get rather expensive! Most hotels, that have static problems on long hallways, use a bottle cap full of vinegar in a quart sprayer and the rest of it filled with water. That is the sorta familiar, but hard to indentify, fresh scent that you smell in the hallways of many of the better hotels. At a dollar per gallon it's also a lot cheaper. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. She said, "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the guy is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer." ============================================= A few questions I've been asked about dogs. Q. Why does our family dog claim our favourite chair as his own. A. Same reason you do. It's probably soft and comfortable, nice cushions or a blanket to cuddle into. The chair is likely placed in a spot where there aren't any drafts, or beside a window so he can watch the world go by. But more likely, because the chair smells like you. Sitting in your favourite chair, when you're not around comforts him so he's not quite as lonely. Learn to share. Q. Do dogs have bellybuttons? A. Yes, but you'll have to look really closely to find it. It's the same as with humans, a dog's bellybutton marks the spot where the umbilical cord was attached before he was born. Q. I have two long haired Persian cats. My small dog insists on sleeping with them, and is quite aggressive about sharing their bed. Should I stop him from doing this? The cats lick him, I don't think that is good for them. A. Now that's one smart dog! If the cat's are allowing him to join them in their space they can't be all that concerned. He gets to sleep with soft fluffy cushions that vibrate. Cat's like to groom, if they are in grooming 'mode' he's going to get scrubbed. It sounds like the three have it all worked out. Just enjoy. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pretty Things
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Difference between spam and spoof 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  July 5, 2007
======================================

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.
--- Edith Wharton

=======================================

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of
the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational
psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained
that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks
visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-
grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a
living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free pro-
fessional advice.  Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine
and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising
activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a
sour-faced, older lady came to the door and barked out, "What
do you want, Sonny?"

"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, ma'am?"

"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who
would drink beer?" replied the lady.

"S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar
bottles?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael and April Moylan, of West Palm beach, FL Big OOOPS June 28, 2007 - West Palm Beach, Florida- UPI A Florida man's headaches may be greater than the one caused by the bullet doctors found in his head -- he could face criminal charges. While Michael Eugene Moylan, 45 of St. Lucie County was hospitalized in stable condition Wednesday pending surgery, police say he could wind up being charged with unlawful firearm possession by a convicted felon, the Palm Beach Post reports. Moylan had walked into a West Palm Beach hospital Tuesday seeking treatment for his wound. Police questioned him and his wife, April, 39, about how the shooting took place and apparently got several versions, the newspaper said. Finally, Moylan told investigators his wife was startled when the alarm in their home went off and she shot him with the loaded .38-caliber revolver she keeps under her pillow while she sleeps. April Moylan had previous felony conviction and so she was jailed on a firearm possession charge. Michael Moylan also has a lengthy arrest record -- mostly for drunken driving and probation violations -- and authorities were considering charging him in the shooting incident, as well. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-207648-700045 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of a water spout, a tornado over water that she saw today. When they hit land and instead of water pull up car ports, puthouses and roofs, they widen out to regular tornados. =========================================== I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a sick bag. After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?" I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Re: Is spoof and spam the same? Dear Webby Is " spoof " and " spam " the same thing ? Thanks for writing a great newsletter Don, " The Big Guy " Dear Don Spam is just junkmail, for example some idiot trying to sell you breast enlargement pills or snake oil fuel enhancers, or similar useless stuff. A spoof is a malicious spam, for example those phony ebay and PayPal notices, that try to con you into donating your user name and password, or phony postcard pick-up notices from unidentified senders like "a classmate" or "a worshipper". Those infext your computer with a virus if you click on them. If you don't have MailWasher, then reveal the headers on anything the slightest bit suspicious and get the hang of reading the gobbledigook in the header. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos July 1, 2007 - Manila, Philippines - AP He needed the money for his sick wife and overdue rent, but honesty prevented a motorcycle taxi driver from keeping $17,000 left behind by a passenger. Iluminado Boc returned the money to police in Tagbilaran city on central Bohol Island last week, the Philippine Daily Inquirer reported Monday. The woman who lost the bag of cash had just reported it to police when Boc showed up at the precinct. "It was not mine," Boc was quoted as saying. Boc, 45, said he was struggling financially because his wife was taken to a hospital the same day he found the money, and they had unpaid rent. The owner rewarded him with $32 - about seven times what a motorcycle taxi driver makes a day. http://apnews.excite.com/article/200707 ... 6KG01.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing Holes in Wood Use a mixture of wood glue and sawdust to fill holes in wood furniture or molding. If you can use sawdust from the same wood, or something similar, the repair will be less noticeable when you stain it. Be very careful in your selection of glue! Most modern carpenter's glues will shed stain lilke butter sheds water. Use the finest sanding dust that you can get by sanding the back of the same wood, and make glue with regular, unbleached flour and water. Pour or smear some of it into the hole, then mix the rest with the sanding dust and tamp the mixture into the hole. Tamp it very hard and a bit higher than the surrounding wood, and let it dry overnight or longer. After sanding it, it will blend in nicely, and take a stain just like real wood. The same precaution is also important if you use dowels to professionally repair chairs or other furniture. Either use old fashioned hide glue or flour glue, or mask the wood around the dowel hole with masking tape or a quick swipe with a candle. If a bit of glue oozes out around the dowel, and it usually does, you wind up with a stain-proof spot or tear if you used white or yellow carpenter's glue. Carpenter's glue is for rough carpentry, not for fine furniture. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, Judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later...." ============================================= SHAGGY MOOD BOOST I was among the very tired passengers on a 40 hour long bus trip. We had stopped at a depot to connect with the next bus and faced a 5 hour wait. The restaurant was closed, the snack machine broken, kids were wailing, several older people looked exhausted. We were cranky, hungry, fed up, squabbles were breaking out, tempers beginning to flare. An outside door was open. In walked a shaggy dog. He stood looking at us then walked over to the small group of seniors. They patted him, smiled, telling him what a fine fellow he was. Next he went to the kids who were rebelling out of sheer boredom and tiredness. The dog raced up and down the depot with them, allowing the kids to drag him to the floor to wrestle. It didn't take long before they fell asleep on a soft blanket. With a quiet manner he wandered around the room, visiting, playing, giving out doggie kisses, managing to soothe the tension. When the bus arrived, I asked a staff member about the dog. He shrugged, saying the dog had been coming in for years, usually at night when the wait was long. He always left people in a better frame of mood. I boarded the bus for the last leg of my journey, still smiling thinking of the perceptive animal. He had changed our moods from grumpy to friendly. Who else could accomplish so much, just by being a dog! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids...." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pretty Things
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What to do about spoofs? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  July 4, 2007
Happy Independence Day!
======================================

The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes.
--- Benjamin Disraeli

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away."
--- Henry David Thoreau

=======================================

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he
arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had
forgotten his false teeth.  Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I
forgot my teeth."


The man said, "No problem."


With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false
teeth.  "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them.  "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of
false teeth... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

With that he ate his meal and gave his address.  After the dinner meeting
was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I've
been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Amy and Jamie are Old Friends.
They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.
Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her
attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more
beautiful every day." replies Jamie.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Duane L. Williams, of Penn Hills, PA Rude or insane? June 29, 2007 - Penn Hills, Pennsylvania -AP A man who thought the clerk at a fast-food drive-through was rude for not saying "please" and "thank you" punched her in the face, police said. Duane L. Williams, angered by what he felt was the clerk's rudeness, walked into the store to complain just before 8 p.m. Wednesday, Penn Hills police Chief Howard Burton said Friday. Before the manager could meet with Williams, he walked back outside, pushed open the drive-through window and punched the 19-year-old woman in the face. The clerk was bruised, but not badly hurt, Burton said. "He didn't like the girl's attitude because she didn't say 'please' and 'thank you,'" Burton said. Police filed charges of simple assault, disorderly conduct and harassment Thursday, which were mailed to Williams with a summons to appear in court, Burton said. http://apnews.excite.com/article/200706 ... RL900.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture of Troy Landwehr and the chese carving he was commissioned to create by Cheez-It =========================================== SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread- consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days. 6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese. 7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person. 8. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes. 10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless AlGorian statistical babbling. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elizabeth Re: What to do about spoofs Dear Webby There is a real epidemic of spoofs coming into my mail box. I know they are just caused by a virus, or rather by people who are too stupid to protect their machines from viruses, and I don't blame ebay or PayPal or Mypostcards or Hallmark or Citibank for being spoofed about, but isn't there something that can be done about it? We can put people into space and eavesdrop on terrorists, you'd think these scammers could be nailed with today's technology! I know the government is useless and the politicians are busy trying to guarantee themselves a warm place to shit and have other prioities than the tax payers, but can't the IT industry come up with a solution? Yeah, I know, look at Vista! Some solution! In the meantime, what do YOU suggest for dealing with this unholy crap? Elizabeth Dear Elizabeth You can post your spoofs to http://spamcop.net. They will analyze them, show you are detailed report, and give you the opportunity to complain to the ISP of the spoofer with a single click. The spamcops will protect your identity and vouch that your complaint is valid. Yes, I know that the government COULD use the spamcops to identify the scammers, but as you said, they have other priorities, and most likely some bleeding heart judges would make identifying scammers just as illegal as eavesdropping on terrorists. As mentioned before, I use Mailwasher. It recognizes those spoofs and marks them as KNOWN and to be deleted. When you hit F6 to process, it dumps them without ever downloading more than the header. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 7, 2007 - San Diego, California - Gimundo/CNN San Diego resident Robert Wilkie Jr. and his wife, La Dona, enjoy visiting Casino Pauma in nearby Valley Center a couple of times a month. Robert always plays the penny slots. This week, after he had deposited about $245 worth of pennies, the “Star Wars” machine locked up and instructed him to “See attendant.” There were no flashing lights, no sirens. It took five hours for casino technicians to verify that Wilkie had won the $3.2 million progressive jackpot. It was the biggest ever for penny slots in California. Wilkie, a 76-year-old great grandfather and Navy veteran, said he plans to pay off the house and help out his 84-year-old sister. He also said his gambling days are not over. “We'll be coming back to Pauma quite a bit to try to give them back the money that we took from them,” he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Unusual Wrapping Ideas Use linens or towels to wrap gifts and the wrapping will be a nice gift too. You also can use something as simple as a car washing chamois.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that's going to help" "Sure it does, " he says, "it's the only way I can see the numbers." ============================================= THAT IS MY BABY! We've all seen mama dogs or cats adopt a different species to nurse, or raise. What happens when a kitty and a dog in the same house decide they want the same baby? It gets really weird when the "baby" is a velvet cushion. Darby the dog, had raised her litter of two pups. Molly a pretty tabby, seemed relieved when her kittens left the nest. It began when Molly adopted the velvet cushion, fussing over it like it was a kitten. Darby, dragged the thing away to her box. She mothered it. The cat was royally ticked off. That cushion was a member of "her" family, she wanted it back At first the owners were highly amused with the tug of war. Until it lasted into the night. They removed the cushion. That only sent both dog and cat into baby withdrawal. Both critters protested, loudly. They fought. It was getting ugly. The blamed the other for the loss of their velvet baby. Enough! Their humans tossed the cushion back. It only caused more ruckus. Nothing left to do but give each animal a cushion. The uproar continued. The teenager of the house stumbled out of bed, picked up cat, dog, the two cushions, took them into his bedroom, shut the door..then silence. Morning came to find dog and cat curled together. Fake babies forgotten. I love the fact that it took a sleepy teenager to solve the problem. His parents wanted to know how he knew what to do. He gave them a long stare, "Well, that's what you two do." They blushed when he added, "When you guys fight, one night in the bedroom sure stops the noise around here!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Liz for his story: To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up nine months pregnant to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely going to have a baby." ========================================
Thanks to Deeli for today's Bonus Link: One Language
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Too large fonts 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  July 3, 2007
======================================

"The universe is change...Our life is what our thoughts make it"
--- Marcus Aurelius, Roman Empoeror

=======================================

 Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible
 and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he
 was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad
 language; he even threatened me!"

 "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned.

 She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh
blood, and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him
about where he got it.  He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them
to please leave him alone.  However, it was clear that he wasn't going
to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity.

"OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the
cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep
forest.  Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly
gathered around him.

"Do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Dunning, 31, Santa Barbara, California Dopey Teacher June 29, 2007 - Santa Barbara, California - AP A Goleta Valley Junior High School teacher is facing charges for allegedly smoking marijuana with two students. Melissa Dunning, 31, was charged Wednesday with two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and one count of furnishing marijuana. She faces arraignment July 3. The parents of a 14-year-old student at the school told sheriff's deputies on May 31 that they suspected their son and the teacher had been smoking pot, Sgt. Erik Raney said. Dunning had tutored the boy at her home. Investigators said Dunning smoked pot with the teen on three occasions. A second 14-year-old student participated one of those time, Raney said. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0706 ... eacher_pot ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Donnie for sending this picture of hibiscus. =========================================== A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kitty Re: No pictures and large fonts Dear Webby i havent been on line over a month. i've been out of town with my sister who is verry sick with Cancer. and now i canot see the pictures on your Dear webby page. :( and there is so much mail Grrrrr. i was telling my younger sister about you. and she has a question for you. she knows verry little about computers. and i canot help her. on her pc. the icons ate huge. and i canot find her pgograms. fron the start. help.... i hope you have a super nice 4th. Dear Kitty I am forwarding your letter to the Express Empress, because I have no clue about Outlook Express. Re your sister: Sounds like her machine is running in SAFE mode. Tell her to reboot and choose "Normal". Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 10, 2007 - Yuma, Arizona - AP An 81-year-old man has set off on a 3,200-kilometre bicycle ride around Arizona's perimeter. Bill Anderson of Yuma plans to complete the trip in 14 to 16 days. He is riding to raise money for Yuma's Crossroads Mission, which provides shelter, meals, showers and clothing to the homeless. Last year, Anderson rode from the Mexican border to the Canadian line and back again to raise money. In 2004, he made two trips for the mission: one from Canada to Mexico and another from San Diego to Jacksonville Beach, Florida. Anderson left Yuma on Tuesday in his most recent ride. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 31-ap.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 7empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Different Cuts of Meat Tough cuts of meat are best cooked with moisture like stewing or using a slow cooker. The moisture will soften tough cuts of meat and make them more appetizing. Tender cuts of meat should be cooked with dry heat by pan frying, barbecuing or oven roasting.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends. "I don't know yet," the boy replied. "but it sure was the toughest spelling test I ever had!" ============================================= LION HEARTED The police in a sleepy Alberta town were notified that a very panicked citizen was at a local garage screaming in terror. When they arrived, they met the man, who had peed his pants, could hardly stand, while he pointed at a garage. They could detect no smell of alcohol. The man blithered there was a was a wild lion loose in that garage. The monster had chased him, snarling. He was so frightened the officers took him seriously, drawing their guns, crept cautiously into the garage After a few minutes they came out, hanging onto each other, barely able to talk for laughing. They called the man over. "We found your lion, take a look." Out walked the most embarrassed dog in the world. He was the garage guard dog. It was painful to look at him. Yellow, huge, he had once sported long shaggy hair. The owner had taken him to a groomer to be shaved. He had also given the groomer a bottle of strong homemade wine. The groomer went creative. He shaved the poor dog, leaving a huge ruff around his neck, a puff on the end of the tail, plus styled huge furry boots on his feet. He did indeed look like a lion. Sort of. A crowd gathered, everyone shaking with mirth. The lion dog had enough. He opened his mouth and roared. The crowd scattered, the cops leaped into their car. The owner walked out of the garage, wiping his hands on a greasy rag. He grinned at the dog, "Atta boy, you should get a medal for bravery under fire." Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Bob was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was his first time in a casino, and he wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." he said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed him how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" he asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Biggest Bubble
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Memory for Vista 

Good Morning !
Monday,  July 2, 2007
======================================

"Obstacles cannot crush me,
every obstacle yields to stern resolve.
He, who is fixed to a star does not change his mind."
--- Leonardo da Vinci

=======================================

A man goes to the eye doctor.
The receptionist asks him why he is there.

The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front
of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen an
Optometrist?"
The man replies, "No, just spots."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for
 his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight
 was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the
 jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base,
 and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of
 the neophytes got airsick.

 "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't
 handle the smooth landing?" asked George.

 "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out
 of planes. We've never actually landed before."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Social Security in Pennsylvania Undead Thanks to Great Granny Vi for this report June 28, 2007 - Lancaster County, Pennsylvania - Lancaster News Era For a guy who's been dead exactly four months and four days, Jim Johnson looks pretty darn good. The 63-year-old retired junior high science teacher lives with his wife (or "the grieving widow" as he sometimes calls her) and their cocker spaniel in a picture-pretty city row house. He's fit and smiling as he answers the door. But, truth to tell, all this death stuff is getting kind of wearing. Social Security declared Johnson dead back in February. Actually, he thinks it was a funeral director in Georgia, where he has no connection, who made the initial declaration. Sound confusing? You bet. So is the rest of the mess that's rained down on Johnson in the past few months. Johnson's bank debit card has been canceled twice. His name has been taken off a credit card account. An IRA account was alerted to not send him a monthly payment. A credit card he used while on a recent vacation had problems. And, since March, his Social Security checks either have been returned or not been deposited by his bank. Johnson has filled more than six pages with his neat handwriting, documenting each of the calls (30) and all of the visits (four) he's made to the local Social Security office and his bank, trying to get this mix-up sorted out. But notifying Social Security he was alive did not solve Johnson's problems. Johnson has ended up calling everyone he does financial business with, to notify them he is not dead, to prevent additional problems. In the meantime, Social Security has offered to send him a paper check, which he said he will take. But as of early today, he had not received, either in the mail or at his bank, the June check, which is now eight days late. http://local.lancasteronline.com/4/206196 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this animation of "Stinky". Stinky uses a rather smelly gas to inflate and eventually blow up the bud to reveal it's beautiful flower. =========================================== What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? An untanned ring line on their ring finger. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Memory for Vista Dear Webby My know-it-all hubby refused to listen to you and got a Vista machine. As you predicted, nothing works with it and we will have to get a new printer and scanner and fax. And it's slower than the 6 year old machine was. Now he claims it needs more memory! It has 2 GB of memory in it. The old machine had 512 MB, and even though it was getting slow, probably because of the hundreds of utilities and speeder-uppers he installed, it was fast enough for me. Will adding more memory do any good for that vista machine? Linda Dear Linda More memory won't help, but doubling from 2 GB to 4 would be quite expensive. If he wants speed, tell him to format it and put XP-SP2 on it. Maybe by the time Vista SP2 comes out, it will work acceptably, but it still has a long way to go before anybody, who is not trying to get rid of a Vista machine, or is a paid shill at a magazine with expensive Vista ads, will recommend it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 12, 2007 - Camden, New Jersey - AP Ozzy has been spared the death penalty, with a sentence of life behind bars without chance of parole. But instead of solitary confinement, the 7-year-old German shepherd could be allowed to hold a sort of jail trusty's job. Ozzy attacked a neighbor's child in April and was sent to an animal shelter. A municipal judge ordered that the dog be put down. However, Ozzy's owner, Kelly Allard of Somerdale, arranged an option: Ozzy could have life behind bars, assigned to patrol the perimeter at the privately run George W. Hill Correctional Facility near Media, Pa. He won't be allowed any contact with the public or inmates. Superior Court Judge John T. McNeill III agreed to the plan Monday, calling it "the right alternative." "He'll be in there until he dies," McNeill said. "Ozzy will not be adopted by a family. He will never be released to the public." http://www.kirotv.com/news/13488634/detail.html
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Dirt Under Your Finger Nails Here's an old trick for people who don't like to use gloves when they garden. Rub your finger nails over a bar of soap. Your nails will fill up with the soap and prevent dirt from building up. When you clean up, scrub your nails with a nail brush to easily remove the soap.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. His wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Morris had been until two o'clock in he morning. Morris looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" The wife responded, "Don't you dare go changing the subject on me! Where in the heck have you been so late?" ============================================= IF THEY COULD ONLY TALK It is amazing how we talk to our dogs. I often wonder if dogs could answer, what they would say to us... Q To the dog, "Is that your poop on the floor?" A Dog, "No, it's like, duh, Santa Clause." Q "Who chewed up those couch cushions?" A "Um, the tooth fairy?" Q "Why do you always bark when I leave?" A " Cause then you give me soooo much attention, and I crave, I need attention." Q. "Why don't you ever come when I call you?" A "Why should I, you'll come to carry me home." Q." You've been in the garbage again, why do you do that?" A "I like it. Nice dirty, slimy, rotten stuff. Come here mom and I'll give you a nice slobbery kiss.' Q. "It's only a trip to the vets, why are you shaking so hard?" A "You'd shake too if someone stuck something up your bottom, then told you to relax!" Q "Do you have any idea of how much I love and need you?" A. "Aw, now I'm gonna have to cry. I wuff you too!!" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sand Dunes
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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Dear Webby: Humor: Find IP address 

Good Morning !
Sunday,  July 1, 2007

Happy Canada Day!
======================================

Times have not become more violent.
They have just become more televised.
--- Marilyn Manson

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
--- Robert A. Humphrey

=======================================

Two Rednecks rob a Brink's Armored truck
and all they get away with are two sacks, so
they keep one each. After awhile they meet
again and one asks the other, "What did you
find in your sack?"


"Half a million bucks."


"Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all
that cash?"


"I bought a house and a boat. How about
your sack?"


"Bah... mine was full o' bills"


"And what did you do with them?"


"Eh well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off . . ."


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


A boy and his dad were playing with toy cars.  The father had the
police car and pretended to pull over the car that the boy was
playing with. "Do you have a drivers license?" he asked the boy.


"No," the boy answered seriously.


"Are you resisting arrest?" asked the father.


The boy hesitated, then said, "No, I'm not sleepy yet."


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chicago Airport Security What Security? CBS) CHICAGO “Fly At Your Own Risk” is a CBS 2 continuing undercover investigation at O’Hare Airport, and it just got even more alarming. Officials at O'Hare International Airport are refusing to interview with CBS 2 about our latest findings. The 2 Investigators have found more security breaches and a failure by authorities to investigate. O'Hare is one of the busiest airports in the nation, and may be one of the most vulnerable. The 2 Investigators have learned that 47 more employee access badges are missing, bringing the total we've discovered to 3,807 ­ the biggest security failure involving access badges ever to be exposed. "Doesn't surprise me,” said Marcia Pinkston. “I am surprised you didn't find more." Airport employees are allowed to go through a back gate. All they have to do is show their access badge. They are not searched. "It's really scary just thinking that anyone can go into secure areas of O’Hare,” Pinkston said. http://cbs2chicago.com/homepage/local_s ... 24625.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her Cataylaya Orchid. =========================================== On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." The woman nodded. "Oh good. Then this is my row." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Find my IP number Dear Webby I am on dial-up and my IP number is dynamically assigned. How do I find out what my current IP number is? Thanks Alex Dear Alex browse to http://whatismyip.com/ That site will show you your current IP number. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Pub becomes embassy to beat cig ban Landlord Bob Beech is getting round next week's ciggie ban by turning his bar into an embassy for a remote Caribbean island. He claims the Wellington Arms in Southampton will be the only pub in Britain to allow smoking after Sunday - by becoming the UK base for tiny, uninhabited Redonda. Earlier this month a senior "attache" to its ruler named it as the UK consulate for the island, which is 35 miles off Antigua. As an embassy, it would be classed as "foreign soil", allowing smokers a haven - as well as VAT-free cheap drinks, reports The Sun. The attache who granted consulate status is Redonda's official cardinal Edward Elder - a regular at the pub. Cardinal Elder, 72, said: "We'll be declaring our credentials to the Queen and will see what happens." Redonda's ruler is King Robert the Bald, 60, who lives on Antigua. The Canadian-born novelist, who recently granted a knighthood to landlord Bob, regularly sails his yacht to survey his one-mile square kingdom. Bob said of beating the fags ban: "I have a legal team looking into the legalities at the moment but I am confident." The Department of Health admitted: "The smoke-free law will not be enforceable against premises that have diplomatic status." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2391027.html?menu
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Guacamole When storing guacamole, keep it from turning brown by placing plastic wrap directly on top of the guacamole. Smooth the plastic wrap so there are no air bubbles.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole..." ============================================= GOTTA FIND MY MOM Rusty was a terrier type dog adopted from a dog pound. He had been seriously abused. When his new owner, Bonnie took him into her home, he bonded to her immediately. When she went anywhere, he had to follow. At times this presented a huge problem. She went into a grocery store, leaving Rusty with her husband in the car. The second she was out of sight, the dog jumped out the window to follow his new mom. Into the store he went. Whoops, didn't mean to knock over the display of cereal boxes. Up and down each isle he searched. He found the dog goodies, helped himself to a nice pigs ear, bit into a bag of dog kibble. Wow, that stuff runs out fast! He could smell meat. It was easy for him to jump right in there with the steaks. May as well leave the pigs ear, and take one of those. He spotted kids. They always had good things to lick from their faces. Don't know why that human got so upset. I just wanted to play with her purse. What fun, a new game, someone is chasing him with a broom. Better find my new mom. He spotted her, ran up, lifted his leg and peed on her cart, causing a flood of urine to meander down the isle. Bonnie was horrified. She said the only thing she could think of. Taking the easy way out she turned to the crowd, asking innocently, "Is this your dog?" Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: July 1, Canada Day
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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Deaar Webby: How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? 

Good Morning !
Saturday,  June 30, 2007
======================================


"Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
--- Albert Schweitzer


My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning,
and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
--- Charles M. Schulz


=======================================


Thanks to Ross for this story:
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass
by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other
if she would like a beer.


The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice
to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about
purchasing it.


The first nun replied that she would handle that without
a problem.


She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said,
"This is for washing our hair."


Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the
counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag
with the beer saying,


"Here, don't forget the curlers."


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


Independence Day  was coming up, and the
nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell
her class about patriotism.


"We live in a great country," she said. "One of the
things we should be happy is that, in this country,
we are all free."


One little boy came walking up to her from the
back of the room.  He stood with his hands on
his hips and said. . . .


"I'm not free. I'm four."


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roy L Pearson, Washington, DC Judge was judged Judge denied victory in legal suit over pair of lost trousers A JUDGE in the US capital has lost his $54 million lawsuit against a dry cleaner over a pair of lost trousers and will have to pay the defendants' trial fees. Roy L Pearson, an administrative law judge in the District of Columbia, claimed that a "satisfaction guaranteed" sign in Custom Cleaners misled consumers who, like him, were dissatisfied with their experience. But the judge hearing the case ruled that Pearson did not interpret that sign in a reasonable fashion. "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands," Judge Judith Bartnoff wrote. Judge Bartnoff ordered Pearson to pay the court costs of defendants Soo Chung, Jin Nam Chung and Ki Y Chung - just over $1,000, according to the Chungs' attorney. A motion to recover the tens of thousands of dollars spent on fees will be considered later. Pearson, an administrative law judge, originally sought $67 million from the Chungs after he claimed they lost a pair of his trousers, then later tried to return a second pair of trousers that he said were not his. He arrived at the amount by adding up years of law violations and almost $2 million in common law claims for fraud. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture of her Moth Orchid. =========================================== SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karen Re: How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? Dear Webby This is probably a very dumb question. How do I find the real sender of spam or spoofs? Sometimes I suspect that it's a spoof, but how can I tell for sure? Karen Dear Karen That is not a dumb question at all, and asking that question sets you far apart from all the sheep, who believe the visible part of mails. If you get MailWasher, you will see the actual linking going on, right in the preview, before even downloading the complete mail. You will see, for example, that a message pretending to be from PayPal or from MyPostcards has been sent with Outlook Express. That alone proves that the mail is a spoof, since big companies don't use Outlook Express. Then you see stuff like PayPal.com (links to ....... a bunch of numbers and weird addresses). You can look a lot further, but that's already more than enough proof that that mail is crooked. With MailWasher you can report spam and spoofs directly to the Spamcops by simply putting a checkmark in the Spamcop reporting column. You don't even have to download that spoof. Then the Spamcops will analyze that mail in ways the CIA wishes they could, and sends you an email with a link to the analysis report. At the bottom of that report is a button for reporting the spammer or spoofer to his or her ISP, without revealing your address. The Spamcops legitimize the complaint, but shield you. If clean mail and neat tools like that aren't worth $30 a year to you, you can get a pretty good idea about it's origin by revealing the header of a downloaded email. Each email program does that a bit differently, but they all show you in their built in Help how to do it. When you look at the header you see almost as much as with MailWasher and can tell whether omething is legit or not. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Thanks to Walter the stonecarver for sending this report June 29, 2007 - Plantation, Florida - Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel Retired Delta Pilot Foils Robbery, Plugs Two Thugs John Lovell had just finished dinner at about 11: 15 p.m. Wednesday when, Plantation police say, two men armed with guns rushed inside a Subway shop and demanded cash. After robbing the store, the men turned to Lovell. They wanted his money, police said. But like his attackers, Lovell was armed. The retired military man opened fire, shooting dead Donicio Arrindell, 22, of North Lauderdale, and critically injuring Fredrick Gadson, 21, of Fort Lauderdale. Lovell, 71, of Plantation, has a valid concealed weapons permit and is not expected to be charged in the shooting, said police spokesman Detective Robert Rettig. The surviving robber, Gadson, however, faces multiple felony charges that could include murder, he said. Under Florida law, anyone who commits a felony such as armed robbery resulting in a death can be held accountable for the capital offense. "He feared for his life," Rettig said of Lovell. "And if he's in fear for his life, then he has a right to defend himself, even if it means severe bodily injury or death." His attorney, Wesley White, of Yulee, near Jacksonville, said he has known Lovell for 19 years and described him as a "quiet Clint Eastwood-type you don't want to mess with." He is a former Marine who was a member of the helicopter detail that transported Presidents Kennedy and Johnson, White said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Fish When baking fish, set each fillet on a lettuce leaf. The lettuce will prevent the fish fillets from sticking to the pan. Just discard the lettuce when your fish is done baking.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is that I can cure your headaches ... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure creates a terrible headache. The only way to relieve the condition is to remove your testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered whether he had anything to live for. He couldn't even concentrate long enough to answer his own question, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital after the surgery he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he also felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought: "That's what I need ... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit", and picked one out. The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the suit and it fit him perfectly. As Joe admired himself, the salesman said, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe, and said, "34 sleeve and a 16 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman said, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet, and said, "Let's see 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "How did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman said, "How about some new underwear? "Joe thought for a second, and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see ... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha. I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old. The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against your spine and give you a hell of a headache." ============================================= USE WITH CAUTION! What a little beauty! Long white fur, weighing only 12 lbs. the tiny Lhaso Apso, Fiona, was the queen of the house. Her 'dad' took her out for long walk daily. One day the mom went to visit a friend, leaving their two kids home with dad. He was a firefighter who was suddenly called into work. He hired a sitter who spent more time text messaging, than caring for the kids. They were hungry. Deciding to make sandwiches, they got out the fixings. Fiona was right there hoping for a handout. Almost done. They only needed some pickles to round out the feast. Mom only bought huge jars, making it difficult for small hands to grasp. Both kids were startled when a huge plastic jar of beet pickles toppled over onto Fiona. It covered her from head to toe. They watched as her fur soaked up the beet juice, turning her white coat into pink. They knew they better wash the dog. Now that sounds like a good idea, if you use shampoo. Not knowing, the little ones picked out a small bottle of liquid, drenching Fiona with it. The pink refused to come out. Dad came home from work, shocked to see Fiona sporting pink fur. He was the one who walked her daily. As they went down the block, cats began to follow them, howling, spitting, all trying to get close to Fiona. The felines seemed to appear out of nowhere. Rushing back home, the cats hot on their trail, he demanded his kids show him what shampoo they used. They brought him the bottle. He read the label and howled. Fiona had been turned into a cat magnet. They had used an entire bottle of catnip on her! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about stuff for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lollipop Bouquets
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby: MSN's mail problems 

Good Morning !
Thursday,  June 28, 2007
======================================

I may not agree with what you say,
but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
--- Voltaire


Communism is like one big phone company.
--- Lenny Bruce

=======================================

Thanks to Shirley for this story:
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears.


"Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grand-mother's meatloaf for dinner
tonight and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly,
and I know I have the recipe right, because it's the one
you gave me. But, it just didn't come out right and I'm so
upset. I wanted this to be so special for George, because
he loves meatloaf. What could have gone wrong"?


Her mother replied soothing-ly, "Well, dear, let's go through
the recipe. You read it out loud, and tell me exactly what
you did at each step and to-gether we'll figure it out."


"Okay," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out,
'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef.'


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


One day a man called the church office. He said,
"Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"


The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said,
"I'm sorry, who?"


The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the
trough?"


She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may
refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you
not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"


To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving
$100,000 to the building fund...."


To this the secretary quickly responded
"Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!"


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Susanne Reiter, 21, and her mother Petra, 43 in Leipzig, Germany Tempest in a teapot June 27, 2007 - Leipzig, Germany - Ananova German police found a bride-to-be and her mother fighting over her wedding dress and choice of rings. Neighbours of Susanne Reiter, 21, and her mother Petra, 43, called police after hearing screams, smashing furniture and breaking crockery at the women's home in Leipzig. When they arrived, they found the pair fighting and throwing vases at each other. Petra told cops, who managed to separate her from her daughter, that the fight had started when she told her daughter she thought her choice of wedding dress and rings was terrible. They were given a warning for breaching the peace. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2391146.html?menu= ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: =========================================== A couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 40 years of marriage. During the celebration a fairy appeared! "Because you have been such a loving couple all those years, I would like to give you each one wish." The wife quickly chimed in, "I want to travel around the world." The fairy waved her wand and, POOF! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and, POOF! He was 90... =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Paul Re: "Unsafe" content blocked by MSN Dear Webby, This is what MSN is doing to stop your daily letters. What can we do to stop this type of action? Paul G ----- O "Unsafe content has been blocked" If you receive this message, MSN has automatically blocked content that might harm your computer, such as ...blah, blah, blah Message ----- Dear Paul Just tell the sniveling ninnies to stuff their censorship where the sun doesn't shine, and get a more competent email provider. I sent you a referral to gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 27, 2007 - Grand Rapids, Michigan - AP Bill Barnes says he was scratching off a losing $2 lottery ticket inside a gas station when he felt a hand slip into his front-left pants pocket, where he had $300 in cash. He immediately grabbed the person's wrist with his left hand and started throwing punches with his right, landing six or seven blows before a store manager intervened. "I guess he thought I was an easy mark," Barnes, 72, told The Grand Rapids Press for a story Tuesday. He's anything but an easy mark: Barnes served in the Marines, was an accomplished Golden Gloves boxer and retired after 20 years as an iron worker. Jesse Daniel Rae, 27, was arraigned Monday in Rockford District Court on one count of unarmed robbery. Barnes said he had just withdrawn the money from a bank machine and put it in the pocket of his shorts before driving to a service station in Comstock Park, a Grand Rapids suburb. He remembers noticing a patron acting suspiciously, asking the price of different brands of cigarettes and other items. While turned away, Barnes felt the hand in his pocket, so he took action. "I guess I acted on instinct," he said. Kent County sheriff's deputies said the store manager quickly came around the counter. The three struggled through the front door, where two witnesses said the manager slammed Rae to the ground and held him there. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... ource=mypi
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemonade Ice Cubes The next time you make lemonade, fill an ice cube tray with it to make some lemonade ice cubes. As they melt, they won't dilute your glass of lemonade. They are also good in iced tea!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dorothy released three new movies of the bear cubs near her place yesterday. Same cubs as you saw last week, just fresh fun. If you click on the dice at the bottom of the player, it will jump to full monitor size. Esc returns to small size. If your mail program does not let you play the movie, go to http://webby.com/humor http://webby.com/humor and play it there. Bear Cubs Wrestling in Snow Next one will be tomorrow. ============================================= GOLDEN SHOW STOPPER The bride was beautiful. She floated down the isle in a gown that looked like a huge puffy cloud. Her husband to be couldn't hold back the tears. She however was quite composed. There was a ripple laughter when he was heard to say, "I thought this day, and night would never come." They knelt, her gown billowing around her. It became apparent that something was very wrong. From her tiny waist down, the gown was alive. It moved, twisted, the fabric seemed to take on a life of it's own. The bride was in distress. She gasped, then to the shock of the quests, slapped her befuddled groom. The entire congregation heard her say, "Can't you wait, get your hands off my bum!" The poor man held his hands up in front of her. She freaked, leaping up, shaking the volumes of gauzy material, The guests saw it first. The church rang with laughter. Her skirts held high, to reveal to all, a golden puppy. He had a firm grip on her garter and was not about to be cheated out of his prize. He had walked unseen under the brides gown, until he could get a good grab, but had to put his paws on her bottom to do so. We all rocked with laughter when the minister said, " I now pronounce you husband, wife and garter thief." Leave it to a sweet golden puppy to steal the show. He raced down the isle ahead of the bride and groom, happily shaking his circle of ribbon. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Underwater Pictures
======================================== if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby




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Dear Webby: PC Mover 

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Wednesday,  June 27, 2007
======================================


The thing that impresses me the most about America is the
way parents obey their children.
--- King Edward VIII


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary
from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder
a black eye.
--- Miss Piggy


=======================================


Wacky laws:
Louisiana:
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the
bank teller with a water pistol.


Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple
assault," while biting someone with your false
teeth is "aggravated assault."


New Mexico:
Females are strictly forbidden to appear
unshaven in public.


Oklahoma:
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for
making ugly faces at a dog.


Pennsylvania:
No man may purchase alcohol without written
consent from his wife.


A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives
from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.


Washington:
All lollipops are banned.


A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for
a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the
city limits and telephone the chief of police as he
is entering the town.


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


A man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen
so I'm   steaming up the window to write the number on.


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to dopey gunslingers in Wichita, Kansas Dopey Gunslingers June 18, 2007 Wichita, Kansas - UPI An 18-year-old Kansas man was arrested over the weekend for allegedly shooting his friend on a dare. Police said the incident began when the 17-year-old friend taunted the 18-year-old with a gun, saying the 18-year-old would not shoot him, The Wichita Eagle reported. The 18-year-old then shot his friend in the thigh, police said. When police arrived, the two reportedly said the older teen had found the younger teen in the street with a gunshot wound, but police said they had reason to be suspicious. Police said the two had been using drugs at the time of the shooting. The 17-year-old was taken to a hospital and the 18-year-old was arrested for aggravated battery, the newspaper said. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-204028-959570 ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture: =========================================== My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== >From Nelrene: You suggested several things for Bev to do to fix her monitor and save $ for a new one. Another suggestion might be to join freecycle and ask if anyone has one they could get rid of. Thanks for the newsletterr Nelrene ---------------- >From Yong Dear Webby... Let Beverly know that stores like Goodwill always have an abundance of monitors for just a couple of dollars. They also have monthly half off sales. She might also place an ad in a public library or store asking for a free donation of a monitor. With all of the new flat screens folks are purchasing, they would be glad to donate their old one. Hope this helps! Yong ------------------ From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: PC-MOVER Dear Webby, Thanks so much for your everyday letter. I have a question about Vista. There is a a software called PC MOVER that will move all files to operate programs from XP to VISTA. I have tried to load the original software for the programs into VISTA and it will not install correctly. If I purchase this program do you think it would move all the files from my XP to VISTA that are necessary to run the programs? Have you heard of or tried this software? Thanks so much Doug Dear Doug Why would you want to do something as dumb as that? Just format the lemon and put XP on it. PC-Mover is very bad news. If your hand installed programs don't work on Vista, then PC-Mover won't get them to work either. Let's face it, a lot of stuff and a lot of programs simply don't work on or with Vista, no matter how you install them. What makes it even worse, that brain dead mover will cheerfully move all the wacky utilities and gimmicks that you tried once but were never able to completely get rid of. But it will fail on important stuff that you need. If you read the small print way down on their site, you will see that they tell you that you can NOT select which programs are moved and which ones are ignored. For $60 you get handicapped with all the crap that you try to get away from, but have no guarantee that any of the programs, that you need, will ever work again. By the way, the Reviewcenter rates PC-Mover about as low as you can go. Average Ratings: Ease of Set Up 2.9/10 Ease of Use 2.6/10 Value for money 0/10 Overall value 0/10 Total recommendations: 0 Use those $60 to buy an XP license for the new machine and simply install on it what you actually want. Since it worked on the old XP, it will work even better on the new XP. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 21, 2007 - Gimundo Most of us take clean drinking water for granted. But for one sixth of the population — about a billion people — the essential act of taking a drink of water is fraught with risk. Each day, about 6,000 people — mostly children — die from waterborne diseases such as typhoid, cholera and dystentery. Enter a Denmark company called Vestergaard Frandsen Group, whose main business is malaria prevention — its primary product is insecticide-laced mosquito netting and sheeting. Working with an Atlanta company called The Carter Center, it came up with a personal water filter, dubbed the LifeStraw, that uses a series of mesh filters that block bacteria, plus iodine and carbon to kill what's left. The result is water that's cleaner than many developed countries' tap water. The 9-inch blue plastic straw can be carried or worn around the neck. Each straw, estimated to cost approximately $3, cleans a person's drinking water for about a year. It's no wonder that Time Magazine named it an invention of the year, and Forbes put it on its list of 10 things that will change the way we live. To find out more, or learn how you can help, visit www.lifestraw.com http://www.gimundo.com/?f=1
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Olives For Less Instead of buying those expensive little cans of sliced and chopped olives, buy a large can, slice or chop what you need and put the rest in a jar with the juice. They will last in the refrigerator for a long time. 1 large can usually equals 3 or 4 small cans for close to the same price.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dorothy released three new movies of the bear cubs near her place today. Same cubs as you saw last week, just fresh fun. If you click on the dice at the bottom of the player, it will jump to full monitor size. Esc returns to small size. If your mail program does not let you play the movie, go to http://webby.com/humor http://webby.com/humor and play it there. Next one will be tomorrow. ============================================= GETTING PEBBLES HOME Trudging through the snow drifts, I knew a blizzard was on the way. I opened the door to the garage where I kept my old car. Thankfully the motor turned right over. I turned the heat to high, then went to feed the few chickens I kept, as well as some sheep. I had no choice but to head to town to pick up my beloved dog Pepples. She had been quite ill. The animal clinic wanted to close early due to the approaching storm. It was a short drive. I wrapped Pepples up in a soft blanket. She curled up to sleep. I could barely see through the driving snow hitting the windshield. The highway was glare ice. For years I had driven in winter conditions and took pride knowing I was an excellent driver. I was almost home, when I heard a strange noise. Pepples lifted her head, I looked at her, then with no warning, hell broke loose inside my car. I was so startled I sent my car into a spin. Amazing how fast the ditch came up to grab the car and hold tight like a long lost lover. Finally we stopped. I looked over my shoulder and shrieked when I looked into the beady eyes of a chicken. A stupid chicken! She must have jumped in while the car was warming. I had to walk the last half mile home. Pepples wrapped in her blanket with that damn chicken inside my coat. It clucked and pooped every inch of the way. Husbands can be smart. Mine took one look at the chicken and waited until he was outside before cracking up. Pepples was fine. As for me, I got out my cook books, looking at recipes to cook a bird that had me break my 40 year safe driving record. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When the gynaecologist confirmed her suspicion that she was pregnant, Anni got a little scared. "It'll be my first baby," she confessed with a blush, "and actually I don't know the first thing about how babies are delivered." "Don't worry about a thing," reassured the doctor. "It's really not all that different from how the baby got started in the first place." Startled, Anni exclaimed, "You mean three times up and down the courthouse steps, hanging on to Charlie on his dirt bike?" ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Humming bird nest, 5 pages
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby: Erratic monitor 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  June 26, 2007
======================================

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the
right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
--- Theodore Roosevelt

=======================================

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist
season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed
on a previous trip to the city.

Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said,
"You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter.
"I can only serve one table at a time."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Harry for this story:
When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed
irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and
on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her
as "ma'am."

"I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!"
She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button
on the radio.

Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?"

She replied, "The oldies station."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jane Balogh of Washington state Outvoted June 22, 2007 - Seattle Washington - AP Duncan M. MacDonald can't vote, which could be a relief to politicians. That's because Duncan is a dog - an Australian shepherd-terrier to be exact. His owner, Jane Balogh of Washington state, is in trouble for submitting voided ballots in his name in three elections. One tipoff for authorities: One of the envelopes was signed with a picture of a paw print. Balogh said she was protesting a 2005 state law that she says makes it too easy for non-citizens to vote. She put her phone bill in Duncan's name, then used the phone bill as identification to register him as a voter. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070622/K062221AU.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Angela for sending this picture: =========================================== The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beverly Re: Erratic monitor Dear Webby, Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning. I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done? Thank you, Bev. Compaq with windows ME. Dear Beverly That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call "Percussive Maintenance". You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined for a one way trip to the recycling depot. 1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins to start your monitor replacement fund. 2) Do a spring cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff on ebay. 3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good source is http://pricegrabber.com Have FUN! DearWebby Reply from Beverly: WOW That worked, I'll start saving my pennys. Thank you. Bev ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 18, 2007 - Beijing, China - AP Eighty-four Siberian tigers, among the world's rarest animals, have been born since March at a northeastern China breeding center, an official said Sunday. Liu Dan, an official with the Hengdaohezi Feline Breeding Center in the suburbs of Harbin, capital of Heilongjiang province, was quoted by Xinhua News Agency as saying the cubs were doing well. He said 13 more pregnant Siberian tigers were expected to give birth to a total of 20 to 30 cubs by October. Fewer than 400 Siberian tigers, also known as Amur, Manchurian or Ussuri tiger, are believed to survive in the wild, about 20 of them in China and the rest in Russia. They are the largest tiger species, weighing up to 600 pounds. http://www.happynews.com/news/6182007/8 ... center.htm
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Putting Out Oven Fires Keep salt or baking soda close at hand to throw on oven fires in the bottom of your oven. Once the oven has cooled, it will aid in cleaning up the spill that caused the fire. The same applies for stove-top and barbecue. You can also use sand, dirt from a potted plant, ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER! Never use water on a grease fire. Water will turn the oil or grease into a napalm like substance and spaltter it all over. It turns one little fire into many big ones instantly. Most people have an open box of baking soda in the fridge and cupboard to absorb odors. Know where yours is, in case you have to quickly grab it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ============================================= FAMILY BOWS TO "TALENT" Ben, a Labrador Retriever mix was settling into his senior years with grace. His puppy days of mischief were long gone. He did retain one habit that drove his owners nuts. He loved to play the piano, and sing. It was an old beat up piano, out of tune, lacking a door to cover the keys, but Ben fell in love with it the second he heard the first few notes. For some reason, it was never taken out of the living room. When he got the urge to play, Ben would sit on his haunches, place both paws on the keyboard, smacking different keys. Then he'd sing. He'd hold his head back, pouring out a deafening, high pitched, mournful, siren wail that has ever been heard coming from a dog. He knew that he only had a few moments before his owners would run into the room to stop the assault on tender human ears. One day, just after getting a scolding for his vocal talent, the owner heard the piano. She rushed in, Ben was in a far corner. Very strange. Leaving the room, she turned back just in time to see Ben gently lift their new kitten onto the keys, nudge her to walk, he'd listen, point his nose in the air, to allow his form of anguished vocal styling to drift throughout the home. The family gave up, took to wearing ear plugs. Ben spent his last years, happily sharing his talent. What musician canine or human could possibly ask for more! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!" ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Need a truck!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Best digital camera choice 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  June 25, 2007
======================================

"One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't
pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism
a way of life can restore your faith in yourself."
--- Lucille Ball

=======================================

Thanks to Dianne for this fishy story:
Fred Green, an avid fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with
six large size salmon in his creel.

Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing.
"Yes!" replied old Fred.

Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he
had used chewing tobacco.

Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the
fisherman replied,
"I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in
the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on
the line to hook it.
When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with
the butt of my rod!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Robert for this story:
Be sure  and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is
priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service
being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and
Citibank billed her for February & March for their  annual
service charges on her credit card, & added late fees and
interest  on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00,
now somewhere around  $60.00. A family member placed
a call to Citibank here's the  exchange:

Family Member:"I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank:  "The account was never closed and the late fees &
charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe,  you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past  due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she
is  dead?"
Citibank: "Either report  her account to frauds division or
report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you  think God will be mad at her?"
(I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I  was telling you
the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to  my supervisor." (Duh!)
(Supervisor gets on the phone):
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell  you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never  closed, so the late fees
and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught
by the bank!)
Family Member:  "Do you mean you want to collect from her
estate?"
Citibank: (Stammering) "Are you her  lawyer?"
Family Member: "No,  I'm her great nephew."
Citibank: "Could you fax us a  certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they
get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup  for death. I don't know
what more I
can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it  out, great! If not, you could just
keep billing her. I really don't think she  will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply."
(What is wrong with these  people?!?)
Family Member:  "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "Yes, that will  help."
Family Member: "  Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129,
Plot Number  69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a  cemetery!"
Family Member: "What  do you do with dead people on your
planet?

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maurice Stuckey in Port Lucie, Florida DUH! June 22, 2007 - Port Lucie, Florida - AP Police said an Illinois man is facing charges of marijuana possession after he asked a police officer for directions while he had a marijuana cigarette behind his ear. Maurice Stuckey approached a police officer in a parking lot and asked for directions. The officer asked Stuckey about the cigarette and Stuckey told him it held marijuana. That's when the officer searched Stuckey's car and found a plastic bag with five-grams of marijuana. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/13550288/detail.html ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: A guy practising on a genuine Swiss Alphorn in the early morning mist at Weaselhead Park in Calgary =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area. "A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four, three, two, one'"? =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Which digital camera is best? Dear Webby, Which digital camera is best? And which parts of them are the most important criteria? What is better, Canon or Nikon? David Dear David The most important criteria is your budget. If you get too close to the limit of it, the best camera is always not going to be quite good enough. Second most important is lens size. The larger the lens, the more light the chip has to work with. Third is the electronics, especially how the camera interpretes the analog signals into digital. Canon and Nikon are best there, with the rest of them seemingly a class or more below. Fourth is Optical Zoom. Forget digital zoom, that's just cropping the picture, enlarging it digitally and making it coarse. Forget about the number of Megapixels. That number is usually just a number picked by an advertising editor and in the small print they admit that it is "equivalent to so many Megapixels". 3 Megapixels are fine, but at around 5 you start wasting space on the memory chip and get into problems with working on the pictures in full size. How much free and available RAM do you have on your computer? There is no point in paying for 12 or more megapixels and then having to set the camera to take pictures at 1600x1200, ( 1.9 Megapixels ). More pixels don't extend you reach into the dark at all. It's the same amount of light split into more real and calculated pixels. I am a purist and don't use flash. It makes pictures flat. I found that I can reach much farther into the dark with my old Canon G3 than with the newer one with a lot more megapixels. So I will be hanging on to that old G3. Canon versus Nikon is a religious question. They are both so good, that the skill of the photographer makes a much bigger difference than the brand. Each has it's own distinct peculiarities, that you can take advantage of, once you get familiar with your camera. But the differences are not big enough that anybody would buy one of each. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 11, 2007 - Morrow, Georgia - Gimundo On May 15th, teacher Shirley Hines sat down for lunch with a few of her fifth-grade students at Thurgood Marshall Elementary School in Morrow, Ga. It was just an ordinary day — until Hines began to choke on a piece of lasagna. At first, said Hines, “I was able to cough a couple of times. But after a few seconds, I realized that I couldn’t breathe at all.” One of Hines’ students, 11-year-old Lester Knauls, immediately sprang into action. “Lester asked me, ‘Ms. Hines, are you all right?’” Hines, unable to speak, shook her head and pointed behind her, motioning for him to slap her back. Instead, Lester stood up, made a fist, and pushed beneath her ribcage in a perfect rendition of the Heimlich maneuver. The food came loose immediately. “He absolutely saved my life,” said Hines. Later, Lester told his teacher that “he didn’t even know there was a name for what he did,” said Hines. He’d never seen the Heimlich maneuver on television, or read about it in a book. But instinctively, when his teacher was in trouble, he knew what to do. “He thought I was going to die, and he couldn’t allow it,” said Hines. Hines says she is amazed by Lester’s courage and grace under pressure. “I told him, ‘You’re not just my student, you’re my hero,’” she said. “I think we will always be joined by the heart.” http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/311
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flour Tortilla Noodles Cut flour tortillas into strips with a pizza cutter. Use them instead of noodles when you make "Chicken and Noodles". Nobody will ever guess that they aren't "Homemade Noodles". By Harlean
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're Looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...... "Dumb Bastids won't let me fart!" ============================================= FUN LOVING PUGS TEACH LESSON It had been three days of long hard work for the high school kids. They had been on their hands and knees, painstaking setting up a Lego design showing their school logo and mascot. At last, the final piece was in place. Everyone stepped back, oh so carefully. Applause broke out. The school principal, was a nervous wreak. He relaxed to admire the handiwork. It was truly a work of art. Until..... Someone had left a door open. In dashed two black Pugs. Any one who knows and loves the breed, understands these wee dogs think the world was made only for them. To play in. These two spotted the Lego display, tried to stop, but crashed right into it on their bottoms. The second the Lego's began to fall, they were thrilled. What an exciting new game! There were screams of dismay, "Stop them!" The overwrought principal was on his knees begging the pugs to come to him. They did. Both little clowns leaped right up, scrubbing his face, sending him flying into the toppling Lego's. Someone started to giggle. It got louder. The kids finally realized it was the prone principal who was laughing like a loon. The damage was done. He rolled around on the floor, romping with the two dogs, Lego's sailing into every corner. He yelled to the kids," Hey guys, we can re-build, but take a lesson from these two dogs, let's just have fun." Well said Mr. Principal, well said! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this classic: There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important," the young woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement." "In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?" Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork...the best is yet to come." The pastor' s eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Prairie Pix
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Reach of wireless 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  June 24, 2007
======================================

"Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about
something, then you have the time to do something about it."
--- Anthony D'Angelo

Live in a style that suits your physical and spiritual requirements,
and don't waste time keeping up with the Joneses.
--- Napoleon Hill

=======================================

Thanks to Martin for this story:
Juan and Julio are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.
Juan drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and
has lots of money to spend. Julio only brings in a few dollars
a day. Julio asks Juan how he can bring home a suitcase
packed full of $10 bills every day.

Juan says, "Look at your sign."
It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"

Julio looks at Juan's sign. It reads:
"I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A college physics professor was explaining a
particularly complicated concept to his class when
a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young
man blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before
continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again.
"So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student for a long
time without saying a word.

Finally the professor continued. "Physics saves
lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots
out of medical school."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to "attedants" and clients at nude spa. Nude customers rousted at spa robbery Illusion holdup nets loss of $1,700 from safe, purses Friday, May 18, 2007 From staff and wire reports Huntsville Times LACEY'S SPRING - Armed robbers rousted two nude spa customers and "attendants" from private rooms during a holdup that netted about $1,700 in cash from wallets, purses and the safe. Morgan County Sheriff's investigator Terry Kelly said two men carrying handguns and an unarmed woman, all wearing ski masks and bandannas over their faces, entered Illusion Spa, 1128 U. S. 231, about 10:45 p. m. Tuesday and brought two female attendants and two male customers, all naked, from their private hot tub rooms. One of the attendants was forced to open the safe after the woman working the desk wasn't able to. The three left with the purses, wallets and cash, and Kelly said a fourth person is believed to have been the driver of the getaway car, believed to be a white Dodge Stratus. No one was injured. The unnamed clients left before police arrived. http://ads.al.com/RealMedia/ads/click_n ... /@StoryAd? x ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Faster than Fatcat =========================================== One night at the dinner table, Keli commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied Greg, "you just cook better now." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Wireless reach Dear Webby, How far does a wireless network card reach? And is it true that the speed falls off with distance? There is a nice, shady gazebo in the park across the street, and I am on the 10th floor, no balcony, but I can open one window a little bit. Could I reach that gazebo? Thanks Erin Dear Erin Yes, open air line of sight you should be able to get 250 feet even with a bargain router and basic wireless network card. The speed will drop significantly. On the same desk you will get speeds almost as good as those advertised, but at 250 feet you need an "N" type router and card to get decent browsing speed. If it is for work and email, an ordinary set will do, but if it is for play, you'll have to shell out quite a bit more money. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos May 21, 2007 - North Canton, Ohio - AP Kristina Schneider tried to persuade a customer at the BP station where she works to buy the last ticket on a roll of the Magnificent Millions lottery game. ''I always joke that the last ticket is the winning one, but he said he only had enough money for three tickets,'' Schneider said. This time, her advice was no joke. The single mother, with nine maxed out credit cards and $8,500 in debt for her associate's degree, bought what turned out to be a $1 million winning ticket. ''I was numb. I still am,'' she said. Schneider, 32, opted to take 20 yearly payments of $50,000, or $34,500 after taxes. ''If I'd have taken a lump sum, I'd be broke again within five years,'' she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Spider Mites from House Plants Take a Q-tip and dip it in isopropyl alcohol. Dab it on the white goo left by spider mites. Make sure to check both the front and back of leaves. If you have a lot of plants that can get a bit tedious, especially since you will have to repeat it once a week, if a new plant brought that pest into the house and the infection spread. An easier solution is cheap insecticidal soap or strained dish water misted over and under the plants. because spider mites really hurt a plant, it's a good idea to give them some tea made from really old compost the day after you soap them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were doing their usual Saturday night thing: drinking. Thibodeaux tells Boudreaux, "Let's have one more beer and go find us some women." Boudreaux tells him, "Oh, not me. I gots more den I can handle at home." Tibodeaux, well inebriated by now, says, "Mais, OK, let's have one more beer and go to your house, den!" ============================================= EVENING DOG SPA In the evening at a local RV park, a strange thing happens. Using a form of communication not known to man, all the dogs who are not on leash, begin to make their way to the end of the park. Not in a mad dash, they simply saunter along, stopping now and then to greet other dogs. The heat had been brutal for days. Some dogs had stayed inside air conditioned motor homes. Others were taken by their owners to a river to cool off. The majority of the dogs, lay panting in the shade. Until evening. I followed them one night. At one camp spot, someone had partially filled a round kiddie pool with crushed ice, then added water to the brim. It was hilarious to watch the dogs display such nice manners, as they waited patiently for a turn in the icy spa. One dog at a time, got in, soaked, stepped out, shook dry then headed back to his owners camp site. One dog stayed so long in the pool, that finally a big black Lab, put one paw on his back, indicating, "Time's up bud, let someone else have a turn." It was a ritual that amused us, brought the campers together to get to know each other, but more important, taught us that we'll all get a turn if we just show a bit of doggie patience! Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== On the night of their wedding, after making her preparations, the bride came out of the bathroom to find her groom on his knees in front of the bed. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man. "I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hot Air Balloons
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Wired or wireless? 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  June 23, 2007
======================================

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but
in looking outward together in the same direction."
- Antoine de Saint Exupery

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
- Franklin P. Jones

"Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
- Chinese Proverb

=======================================

Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic:
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got
trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's
somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's
somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you
gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the
shrink.
"Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your
fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked
the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me
for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

On a Cathay Pacific 747 in Taipei, the following
announcement was heard over the cabin PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are overbooked and are
offering anyone $1,000 plus a seat on the next flight in
exchange for their seat on this flight."

After a short pause, the offer was repeated with the
amendment that it did not apply to the crew assigned
to the flight.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 16 year old bozo in berlin, Germany Violence is no substitute for homework June 18, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 16-year-old Berlin student was so worried he would have to repeat a year at school because of poor marks he convinced two friends to storm his class and steal the report cards with his bad grades. "The student probably honestly believed that he could avoid repeating the school year if he made the report cards disappear," said a spokesman for local police Monday. The youth sat quietly at the back of the classroom as the two masked robbers, aged 14 and 15, burst in and threatened his teacher with a steel bar if she did not hand over the reports. After grabbing them, the two tried to flee but dropped the reports as other students leapt to defend the teacher. The two were arrested close to the school, and told police their friend had devised the raid because he was afraid of flunking a year. Police would not reveal what incentives the youth had offered the pair to carry out the robbery, adding the youths faced legal consequences once investigations were over. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0706 ... student_dc ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Wowser, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?" The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!..." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim Re: Wired or wireless keyboard and mouse Dear Webby, What is better, a wired keyboard and mouse, or a wireless combo? Kim Dear Kim That depends on your priorites. If you are a neat freak and the sight of the cables causes you trauma and bad dreams, then spend the extra money on a wireless combo. If faster performance and never having to pause to change batteries, is more important, then go for the old fashioned wired keyboard and mouse. Some manufacturers claim that their wireless combos are fast enough. That may be true for SOME users, but is not true when working at my speed. I also find it very disruptive, having to stop at the most inopportune times, to change the silly batteries. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos June 9, 2007 - Ananova Cat owners can now see what their pet gets up to once they go through the flap. It follows the launch of 'cat cam' by a German inventor, reports the Daily Mail. Jürgen Perthold, who lives in America, attached his light-weight camera to the collar of his tom cat Mr Lee. "I wanted to find out what he gets up to, where he spends his days," Mr Perthold said. "He goes out the whole day, sometimes he returns hungry sometimes not, sometimes with traces of fights, sometimes he also says out all night. It gave me the idea to equip the cat with a camera." The camera takes one photo a minute for 48 hours and has revealed that the chubby tabby has the hots for a neighbouring feline, although he is in contention with another black tom. Mr Lee spends much of his time exploring the undergrowth, looking longingly up at bird feeders and meeting other moggies under parked cars. The camera weighs 70 grams including the batteries and Mr Perthold said it didn't give his cat any problems. He wrote his own software to control the camera and perfected the design. He is now selling his invention for $30 in the US. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2365103.html?menu=
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 6Aempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Alcohol Bug Spray For House Plants Mix together one cup rubbing alcohol (70% isopropyl) with one cup water in a spray bottle. Spray this solution directly on the pests. Avoid spraying onto more foliage than necessary. You don't need to spray much, brief contact with alcohol will kill most insects. Dish water does in the rest of them. If you want to use a sprayer, use a coffee filter to filter used dishwater straight into your sprayer bottle. Have Fun! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
For best results, read this one out loud! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . ." ============================================= CRITTER TONGUE TWISTERS! People who love critters can find so many crazy ways to amuse themselves. I was at a house party where someone started hollered out, "Can you say these, repeatedly and fast?" This is a fun challenge for you. Don't be shy, go ahead and try. I guarantee it will give your sense of humour a good work out. * Sixty-six sick chicks, "Careful with this one!" *I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son and I'm only plucking pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes. *As one eager eagle eased under the eaves the other eager eagle eased out. * A big black bug bit a big black bear, made a big black bear bleed blood. Stormy O' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Taliban jokes we knew. After a while I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey you! I'm Afghan and I don't like you telling all those Afghani jokes!" So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against Talibans." "My mother is in Afghanistan!" He screams, and pulls out a razor. For a moment there I was quite concerned. I wasn't sure what he would have done, if he had found a place to plug it in!!! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Florida Wildlife
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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