Dear Webby, is FireFox 3.5 safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  July 12, 2009

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, or a Hell of Heaven. --- Socratex
Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle. A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale. "No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought his first car and right now he's getting ready for a big date." "So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor. "Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him."
Teacher: "What is used as a conductor of electricity?" Johnny: "Why...er?" Teacher: "Wire is right. Very good. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?" Johnny: "The what? " Teacher: "That's absolutely correct, the Watt. Now class, I want you all to study just as diligently as Johnny did!"
Thanks to Frank for forwarding this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to26-year-old Timothy Overly and 25-year-old Candace Prewitt in San Antonio, Maryland The car was a-rockin', and the law went a-knockin'. SAN ANTONIO (AP) — 5:53 AM EDT, July 11, 2009 Bexar (BAYR) County sheriff's deputies drawn by the actions of an amorous couple in a parked car allegedly found more than l'amour. Deputy Ino Badillo (bah-DEE'-yoh) tells the San Antonio Express-News they also found enough equipment and chemicals in the car Thursday night to start a methamphetamine lab. Badillo says deputies checked out the car after neighbors reported it parked in an unusual spot, just northeast of San Antonio. He says 26-year-old Timothy Overly and 25-year-old Candace Prewitt have been charged with public lewdness and manufacture of a controlled substance. Badillo says both were booked into the Bexar County Jail with bonds set at nearly $31,000 each.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: FireFox 3.5 Dear Webby I got stuck with IE8. My hubby installed the patches earlier this week and did it on automatic instead of custom, and it promptly snuck in. To make a long story short, I don't like IE8 and can't get rid of it. Some friends suggested that I get the new FireFox 3.5, and that I would never look back onto IE except for getting Microsoft's monthly bug fixes. Is the FireFox 3.5 upgrade as bad as IE8? I do have an old version that I could use. Thanks Olga Dear Olga FireFox 3.5 is rock solid. They did their homework and it is running fast and reliable. Do the install or upgrade yourself, though. It asks a few questions, for example if you want the popular extensions installed. The default is NO. I guess they rather err in being too polite than not polite enough. Change that to YES, and your RoboForm and any other toolbars you got, should work just fine in the new browser. Don't be shy about getting some of the free add-ons like AnyColor, Tab Sidebar, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funniest construction errors
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Dear Webby: Google Chrome OS 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  July 11, 2009


Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. --- Wendell Johnson A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner
King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon was astonished that the hungry lions had not eaten Daniel. He summoned Daniel and promised him that if he would reveal his secret, the king would give him his freedom. "It was easy, your excellency," Daniel said. "I went around and whispered in each lion's ear - 'After dinner, there will be speeches.'"
When a young minister was still single, he preached a sermon he entitled, "Rules for Raising Children." After he got married and had children of his own, he changed the title of the sermon to "Suggestions for Raising Children." When his children got to be teenagers, he stopped preaching on that subject altogether.
Victoria-Falls-Zambia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dustin Sabo, 20, ind Dade City, Florida Car burglar takes booze but leaves cell phone behind DADE CITY — A burglar broke into a car July 2 and stole bottles of rum and vodka, but left something more valuable behind: his cell phone, with his picture on the screen, according to the Dade City Police Department. Dustin Sabo, 20, apparently left his blue phone in the car during the burglary in the parking lot of Premier Health Care, the police report said. When the car owner found the phone and turned it on, the screen showed a photo of Sabo. Sabo, of 37937 Hillside Lane, was arrested Wednesday and is charged with auto burglary and theft, as well as possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia and violating his felony probation. He is being held without bail at the county jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: Google Chrome OS Dear Webby What is your take on the Google Chrome OS? Will that be a usable alternative to the slow stuff from Microsoft? Will it be available soon? Rick Dear Rick It's just another flavor of Linux, but with Google style quality and reliability. Almost all flavors of Linux were tinkered together by a bunch of amateurs programming around a bit in their spare time. With the organization and professional methods that Google can devote to it, we can expect a very good system. It won't be an all-purpose OS like Windows, doing a bit of everything, slowly. Instead it will be a single purpose machine, and very, very good at that. Except for DELL, which is firmly under Microsoft's thumb and trying to get enough brownie points for an early customized Dell version of Windows 7, all major laptop and netbook makers are cooperating with Google. Most likely the first Chrome OS netbooks will be available for Christmas. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two Aspirins and keep away from children."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Generic and Save Money Some time ago, we needed some cable to connect a computer to the router and it seemed quite expensive in the store. I checked online and finally bought some for about half what the stores wanted for name brand cable. I have found the same thing with other things lately. I found a Varilux floor lamp in Goodwill on 50% off day, which didn't have a bulb. I knew there was a possibility that it didn't work but, my daughter pointed out, we have an electrician in the family (her fiancee). Now the Varilux lamp generally costs over $100 and the bulbs are at least $20 but since I paid $4 for the lamp, it would be worth buying the bulb. As luck would have it, I checked in Walmart and found a 'brand x' bulb for around $6, making the whole thing cost just slightly over $10 and it works! So, when things seem outrageously priced, look for generic brands, you may be surprised. Pat in Phoenix Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

During a sermon a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. "About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, the Pastor is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' "It worked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dog Wigs
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Dear Webby, how do I make Gmail the default email program? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  July 10, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. --- Sir Winston Churchill We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld and to blame it on a computer is even more so. --- Robert Orben
Thanks to Cookie for this: I called my stockbroker today and asked him, "What are you buying" ? His answer: “Canned goods and ammunition.”
Joe and his wife get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he'd had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring as he was merging onto a freeway. It was his wife calling. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind him. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lisa Beth Solanik, 43, of Sandy Springs, Georgia Fleeing woman captured while trying to light crack pipe An Alpharetta woman who led Sandy Springs police on a high-speed chase Wednesday night was allegedly trying to light a crack pipe even as officers broke out a window of the vehicle to arrest her. The chase began in the 7800 block of Roswell Road after a tag check on a 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe revealed that the registered driver’s license had been suspended for driving under the influence, Sandy Springs police Lt. Steve Rose said. When the officer attempted to stop the Santa Fe, Lisa Beth Solanik, 43, made a U-turn and sped northbound on Roswell Road. Rose said officers deployed “stop sticks” at Dunwoody Place and Roswell Road, deflating two of the suspect’s tires. “The car then drove onto Verdun Drive off Roberts Drive, where it struck one of the police vehicles,” Rose said. “The suspect’s car was then cornered and pinned to a stop by two Sandy Springs police vehicles.” Rose said that as officers were breaking the side window of the Santa Fe to take Solanik into custody, she was “in the process of trying to light what appeared to be a crack pipe. Solanik was charged with obstruction of a police officer, fleeing and/or attempting to elude a police officer, disorderly conduct, driving under the influence of drugs and eight traffic charges. She is in the Fulton County Jail, awaiting an initial court appearance on Friday. Rose said one Sandy Springs police officer was treated and released for a minor injury sustained during the chase.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shelley Re: make Gmail the default mail program Hey Webby! I love your letter and look forward to it every day! Thank you for the laughter! I had a quick question for my favorite guru. How do you configure your computer to allow you to use gmail when you click a mail:to link in a webpage, instead of always trying to send it with outlook? I am running vista (Ugh, I know!!) on a laptop for school. Thank you for everything! Shelley Dear Shelley Download and install the free Gmail Notifier http://toolbar.google.com/gmail-helper/notifier_windows.html In the drop-down menu in it, select Gmail. Hit OK, and that's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
From a church bulletin: "A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by Bert, one of our loyal members, in honor of his wife."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Your Own Avocado Houseplant Here's a fun summer activity for the kids to enjoy and a rewarding way to recycle the left-over avocado seeds. 1. Wash the seed and suspend it (broad end down) over a water-filled glass using 3 toothpicks. The water should cover about an inch of the seed. 2. Place the glass in a warm location, out of direct sunlight. A mature seed will crack as roots and stem sprout in about 2 to 6 weeks. 3. When a stem grows to six or seven inches, cut it back to about three inches. 4. When the roots are thick and the stem has leafed out again, plant it in a rich humus soil, leaving the seed half exposed. Use a terra cotta pot with a 10-1/2 diameter. 5. Water the avocado plant generously, but let it dry out somewhat between watering. By Connie from Oden, Arkansas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man is having a really bad day on the golf course. By the 14th hole, he's missed one putt too many, and he lets loose with a string of profanities, grabs his putter, and storms off toward the lake by the 15th tee. "Uh-oh," says his playing partner to the caddie, "There goes that club." "You think so?" asks the caddie. "I've got five bucks saying he'll miss the water."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. It seems she's always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all." The girl replied, "Waiting for me to come home."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Amercian Film Institute Top 10
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: IE8 Blocker 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  July 9, 2009

Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to the Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
A man is celebrating his 100th birthday, so the editor of the local newspaper sends a reporter over to do a feature story on the old timer. The reporter begins by asking the old tried and true question, "To what do you attribute your longevity?" "Well, young lady," the gentleman says, "I never smoked more than a pack of cigarettes a day, never got drunk and didn't over-eat. I didn't get up too early every morning, but I sure stay up and active past midnight ." "But, I had an uncle who did exactly the same," the reporter says, "and he only lived to be 80. How do you account for that?" "He didn't keep it up long enough," says the centenarian.
Thanks to Doug for sending this picture taken by his friend: Stalking Dinner
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chelsea Steele, 17 of Marietta, Georgia Cheerleader robbed wheelchair bound charity volunteer JULY 8--A teenage cheerleader stole $187 from a wheelchair-bound boy, who had earned the money for a charity by selling t-shirts as a volunteer for them, police charge. Chelsea Steele, 17, was arrested last Friday, a few hours after she robbed Joseph Green at a Marietta, Georgia community pool house where Green was "selling t-shirts and hats...for charity," according to a criminal warrant. Steele, who attends Sprayberry High School, is listed as a member of the school's varsity cheerleading squad. Steele, pictured below in a Cobb County Sheriff's Office mug shot, is facing a felony robbery count (she was also hit with an underage alcohol possession rap). Police are investigating whether Steele had accomplices, since she was spotted fleeing the pool house in the company of a friend, with whom she departed the area in a Ford Taurus.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: Netbook keyboard Dear Webby, I look forward to your humor letter everyday, thank you for the laughs, tips and information you give so freely, I appreciate it. I have a tech question. How can I stop Microsoft trying to get me to download Version 8? Version 8 came with my husband's computer and I don't like it. Everyday I turn my desk top or my lap top on a bubble comes up and says "updates are ready for your computer, click here to install these updates." The security updates automatically install. I did install version 8 on my desk top and then went in and uninstalled it, thinking that would get rid of the little yellow icon and the bubble, it did until I uninstalled it. I've got the version 7 blocker but have not found a way to block version 8. Or do you think version 8 is ok? Thanks Barbara Dear Barbara It seems that Microsoft has been yelled at about that often enough, that they created an IE8 blocker. It is at IE8 Blocker What I found funny is that you have to agree to their EULA (End User Legal Agreement) before they let you use that patch. When it asks you where to expand it to, choose C:\WINDOWS Then click on Start, RUN and type cmd and hit Enter In the scary black screen that you get, type cd c:\windows hit Enter IE80Blocker.cmd /B hit Enter That should do the trick. After it finishes, you can type EXIT hit Enter to close the scary black screen. FireFox users will laugh even more. Microsoft is in a snit about you using FireFox and won't let you download the IE8 blocker, unless you start up whatever version of IE you got. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my little ducks!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save on Electric Bills In Florida, electric bills run high, particularly in the summer. I save on my electric bill in two ways: First, I hang my clothes to dry, only using my dryer to de-wrinkle the clothes. In this way, the dryer is on for only 20 minutes vs. over an hour. Second, I unplug everything that is not being used: the microwave, the toasters, the hair dryer, the cell phone chargers, the computers, the washer and dryer. Although it is minimal, these items still use electricity even when dormant. We probably save around $20 or more a month just by unplugging everything. By combining these two methods, along with having cooler weather and being able to turn off our A/C, last month we had our lowest electric bill since moving into our house (which has vaulted ceilings) from an apartment. Contact your local electric company for more ideas on how to use less and save more--they are glad to help. By Lynne from Orlando, FL Unplugging is probably too much of a hassle for most people, however, using a power bar with an on/off switch makes it convenient enough that it can become a good habit. For MAJOR savings stick the fridge and freezer "through the wall". They pump heat from the inside to the outside and get rid of it at the grid in the back or below it. That heats up your house and you need the AC to cool it down. You don't have to actually make the whole fridge or freezer stick out. Depending on your set-up, you can either make an air inlet and outlet, so that the fridge uses only outside air, or get a fridge mechanic to drill two small holes in the wall and mount the radiator outside. In Florida, if turning off unused items saves you $20 a month, you will probably save around $50 a month by letting the fridge heat the outdoors instead of your kitchen. This is not just theory. I have been using that trick for over thirty years, and it was one of the first alterations I made, when I bought my current house. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the faculty lounge of an excellent elementary school, some teachers were talking about reincarnation. One teacher remarked "If there's anything to the idea of reincarnation, I know what I'd like to come back as." "Oh, tell us what," said a couple of colleagues. "I'd like to come back," said the teacher, "as a childhood disease."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that? Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case. Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion? Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Northern Lights
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Dear Webby: Netbook keyboards 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  July 8, 2009

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --- Henny Youngman Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret. --- Laurence J. Peter
The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning."
A man and his wife are walking down the street when he suddenly said, "That lovely girl just looked at me and smiled." "That doesn't surprise me in the slightest," his wife replied. "The first time I saw you I laughed out loud."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory McCalium, 23 in Botley, England Don't mess with Grampas! BOTLEY, England -- A word of warning for a 23-year-old burglar who tried to rob a 72-year-old man at knife point- next time, pick on somebody your own age! Frank Corti is a grandfather, and unfortunately for the burglar, a former army boxer. Gregory McCalium was reportedly still drunk from an all-night party when he went into the Cortis house at 8am on August 19 last year. Prosecutors say he threatened Mr Corti with a knife but the former featherweight boxer dodged it, punching McCalium twice in the face before pinning him to a wall. The burglar was left with a black eye, split lip and severe swelling. McCalium was jailed for four and a half years on Monday after a jury at Oxford Crown Court found him guilty of aggravated burglary following a trial in March.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruth Re: Netbook keyboard Dear Webby My hubby got me one of those Netbooks, but I find that tiny keyboard even worse than it's small screen. I can't get any reasonable amount of work done on it. Can I plug a regular keyboard into it? What do you recommend? Ruth Dear Ruth Those netbooks are intended for yuppies who don't have the strength and endurance to carry a laptop, but feel the need to carry a status symbol. They are not really intended for getting serious work done. Give it to your hubby and buy yourself a full size laptop, if you need to be mobile, or else a desktop. In the meantime, you CAN plug a regular keyboard into a USB port on the netbook. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lunatic is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another patient, who has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute! I just caught you cheating yourself." The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he whispers. "Don't tell anybody, but I've been cheating myself at solitaire for years." "You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever catch yourself cheating?" The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he says proudly. "I'm much too clever."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Candles at Thrift Stores Thrift stores can be a good source for candles! I am burning up my stock over the holidays and snagged some decorative ones in my thrift shop wanderings, good ones, too. The tapers may be slightly damaged, used or, in my case, a bit melted out of shape at the top - but those are problems easily fixed with trimming. By Pamela Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a husband finally gave in and began to clean out his bureau, he discovered a bunch of socks that didn't match. As his wife looked at them, she noted that most of them had holes in them. "Land's sakes, man !" she exclaimed. "How long have you had these things?" "Since before we were married," he admitted. "I guess you could say that I had a lot of premarital socks!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Free Budget Tracker
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Roboform and Firefox 3.5 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  July 7, 2009

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. --- Gerald R. Ford
Thanks to Dianne for sending this story: I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible. I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened. She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
My relatives were gathered for the reading of my Last Will And Testament after my long awaited death. The lawyer opened the envelope, and read solemnly: "Being of sound mind and body, I spent every last cent before I died."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Harvey Warren, 50, of Largo, Florida No Baloney LARGO — When police arrested Richard Harvey Warren on Thursday night on an accusation of stealing bologna from a local convenience store, it wasn't the Largo man's first brush with the law. Or even his second, third or fourth. Nope, according to records, Warren, 50, of 1201 Seminole Blvd., has been arrested an astounding 120 times in Florida since 1987. Through the years, he has been charged with everything from shoplifting and disorderly intoxication to indecent exposure. The majority of charges brought against Warren have been misdemeanors, but there have been a handful of felony charges, including ones for grand larceny and battery on an officer. Warren's latest arrest netted him charges of retail theft, a felony, and misdemeanor trespassing. He remained in the Pinellas County Jail on Friday in lieu of $2,625 bail. According to Largo police, Warren entered the Sunshine Food Mart at 1595 Seminole Blvd. on Thursday night and concealed a $2.99 pack of bologna in his pants. When a merchant attempted to stop Warren from leaving, he grabbed the person's shirt and hands and attempted to walk away. Before Thursday, Warren had not been arrested in 15 months. Yesterday's Bonehead detail link again: Chicago Details
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Roboform and Firefox 3.5 Dear Webby PANIC! I upgraded Firefox to 3.5. I like it, except the RoboForm tool bar is gone! I got the user names and passwords of over 500 employees in it, because they tell their browser to remember tem for them, and then every full moon clean out their cookies and passwords. By then, of course they forgot not just their password, but many of them even their user name. If the FireFox upgrade nuked all of that, I am heading for the border! What do I do to get them back? Alice DearAlice No panic. You probably elbowed the upgrade in without really paying attention. There is a question about the Roboform extension, that most people miss. Just go to http://www.roboform.com/dist/roboform-firefox-3.0-frozen.xpi for the extension. It just takes a few seconds, then restart FireFox, and your RoboForm bar is back where God intended it to be, Have FUN! DearWebby
The company psychiatrist was interviewing Nancy. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company. Things were not not going well for Nancy. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give Nancy one last chance. He asked, "if you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" Nancy quickly responded, "the living one."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A woman who lives in Mississippi, was talking with her four year old son. He asked her why all their relatives in Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right? They talk funny!" he stated. "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?" Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Liquid Crystal
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: PDF versus HTML 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  Juy 6, 2009

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. --- Foster's Law I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes, you ought to go away and write a book about it. --- Lord Brabazon
Thanks to Dianne for this story: A village pastor, known for his weakness for trout, preached against fishing on Sunday. The next day one of his members presented him with a fine string of fish and said, hesitatingly, "I guess I ought to tell you, parson, that those trout were caught on Sunday." The minister hesitated, gazed appreciatively at the speckled trout, and then said piously as he reached for his gift, "The fish aren’t to blame for that."
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat. He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work. A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!" Johnny looked up at her and said, "He should have thought about that before he joined my church."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chicago Four dead, 22 wounded in six hours CHICAGO (STNG) -- Four people were killed and at least 22 others, including an 8-year-old boy, were wounded in shootings and stabbings during a bloody six hours late Saturday into early Sunday. Details If Afghanistan deteriorated to that level, they would probably start using artillery and carpet bombing!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: HTML or PDF invoices Dear Webby Our instructor told us to always convert invoices to PDF, so that they can't be changed. I notice that yours are still HTML. Are you going to switch to PDF, or do you disagree with her? Robert Dear Robert PDF invoices are probably a good thing for people who are not web literate, write invoices with a word processor and attach editable docs to email. We write invoices with an invoicing program that produces HTML web pages. I upload them and the client can only view and print them, or click on the PayPal button that has the correct amount encoded into it. Nobody can mess with it. For those, who are web literate, HTML is a lot better. Some companies send out contracts as PDF documents and expect you to print out their 27 page contract, sign it, and fax it back to them. I take their PDF apart, paste a small picture of my signature on it, convert it back to PDF, and email that back to them, without wasting a single page of MY paper. If they require the contract back via fax, then I use Winfax to fax them their thilly PDF. I can mess with PDF just as easy as with a DOC. Nobody can mess with an HTML invoice that is up on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reduced Produce Bargains I regularly peruse the reduced produce shelf in my local grocery store. The other day I got a mixed bag of red, green, orange, yellow peppers for $1 and took three to an elderly neighbor and used three myself. Yesterday, I got a bag of five avocados for $1, pureed and froze 3 and gave two to my next door neighbor! It's great fun to see what's available and to find creative uses for these products. I can still hear my Bohemian grandmother's voice praising the day old bread, the slightly bruised apple: "It's still good!" By Amy from Chardon, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, six widows and two single men stepped to the front.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could/should have married.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Statue of Liberty Crown
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Email faux-pas 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  Juy 5, 2009

Votes are back to normal again. Thanks!
The most successful people are those who are good at Plan B.
--- James Yorke


One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? Were you THAT bad ?"
Woman's Wine Quote: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which we'd like to have dinner with." Men's Counter Wine Quote: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you nothing but a headache."
Thanks to Diane for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a teacher Elk Grove, California NorCal students get X-rated version of class DVD ELK GROVE, Calif. — A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch. Officials at the Elk Grove Unified School District asked families of the teacher's 24 students to get rid of the DVD after the unintended clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class. "Just destroy them," said spokeswoman Torrey Johnson. Johnson said the teacher, whose name isn't being released, sent the DVD home with her students from Isabelle Jackson Elementary on the last day of class Friday. She learned of the mistake after a parent called her. She then called all the parents to ask them to destroy the DVD. The school district, located just south of Sacramento, initially sent a letter home to parents asking them to return the DVDs, but then asked parents to simply destroy them.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: Email faux-pas Dear Webby I found out that my well meaning, but not too bright hubby had put an, now how do I word it without getting blocked by you too, otomatick risbonse, that should work, you know what I mean, onto our business address. Nobody expects an instant reply if they write late in the evening, but every one of them, it seems, get annoyed by dumb and useless messages about getting a real reply during business hours. I know I do, and even have a filter that automatically blacklists anybody who sends one of those. I guess what goes around, comes around, and most of our clients did the same. Is there a way to get around their blacklists to tell them that George is in the doghouse and won't ever annoy them with stuff like that again? Thanks Amanda Dear Amanda The only way around is getting a new and different email address. Since you own your own domain, that is as easy as asking your web host for a new address. You can even funnel it to the old address, so that you don't have to change your user name and password. Just remember to change the FROM and REPLY-TO addresses in your email program. Most people just blacklist the exact address, not ANY address from that domain, and you should be able to get through to them. As long as you are as careful with the dangerous trigger words as you were when youwrote to me, they will forgive and forget. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bert's wife decided to use curlers in her hair after she washed it. She came into the Family Room as Bert was watching TV. He said he only stared at her for a moment when she said, "I just set my hair." The last thing he remembers saying was, "Oh, really? At what time is it set to go off?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090701@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fireworks Safety Tips Fireworks and celebrations go together, especially during the Fourth of July. But fireworks can be dangerous, causing serious burn and eye injuries. If fireworks are legal where you live and you decide to set them off on your own, be sure to follow these important safety tips: * Never allow children to play with or ignite fireworks * Read and follow all warnings and instructions * Be sure other people are out of range before lighting fireworks. * Only light fireworks on a smooth, flat surface away from the house, dry leaves, and flammable materials. * Never try to relight fireworks that have not fully functioned. * Keep a bucket of water in case of a malfunction or fire. Store fireworks in your gun vault, not in your BBQ! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer ("fahmah"). The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his spread: "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch", he bragged. The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replyed, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, "I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: People of Influence
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: AOL and Hotmail problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  Juy 4, 2009
Happy Independence Day!

Thanks to all of you who wrote! Now is the time for all good men to come to. --- Walt Kelly, A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. --- Bert Leston Taylor Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sydney J. Harris
Ricky, Jimmy, and Stewy were on the bus home from elementary school, when a fire engine zoomed past their bus with blaring sirens. The three kids noticed a Dalmatian dog on the front seat of the fire engine. Ricky said, "They use that dog to keep crowds back." "No," said Jimmy, "he's just for good luck." But Stewy knew better, "No, the dog's job is to find the nearest fire hydrant."
A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife Tricia something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day Tricia goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" She replies "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
Thanks to Walter for this picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an underage burglar in Suffolk, Virginia Mug shot practise SUFFOLK, Va. — Suffolk police say they now have a suspect to go with an image of a person who snapped a photo of himself with a cell phone belonging to the owner of the home he burgled. Police say a 17-year-old Suffolk resident faces charges of burglary and larceny. They're not identifying him because he's underage and identifying him might interfere with his criminal career. The burglary happened in early June. Detectives think the person unsuccessfully tried to make a phone call using the phone, then used the camera function to photograph himself. People who saw the photo in news stories helped detectives identify the suspect. He will probably get a few months in the Virginia rapper school and tattoo parlor.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Felix Re: AOL error 50x Dear Webby http://webby.com/humor/i/pilot-seat.jpg I'll try to help re the drop in votes. AOL must be doing something to block Dear Webby, when I try to go to one of your links, such as http://webby.com/humor/i/pilot-seat.jpg (which I used to have no trouble accessing, here is what happens after 30 seconds or so: The web address you entered is not available You were trying to go to webby.com " A 50x server error was received attempting to serve your request, I have absolutely no idea what this means, but I wonder if some AOLers believe they cannot access any of your links once they see that notice and now simply ignore your emails. (Wouldn't surprise me, either.) However, the vote page is accessible from your link. But if the AOLers don't realize this they may not even try the vote link. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have also found that trying to send your pages to my gmail address seems to be blocked. That definitely is NOT Google doing it. The emails are never getting to them. I will be renewing my subscription from the gmail addy and dropping this AOL one. Felix Dear Felix It means that AOL deliberately and maliciously refuses to let you see pictures, that everybody on the real Internet can see without any problem whatsoever. I don't know, if they block pictures ALL AOLers from seeing those pictures, or just those who only use free services. You will have to ask them yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ In the same vein... _____________________________________________________ Hi Webby, Just wondering WHY I haven't gotten any e-mail from you lately???? I even checked the junk mail to make sure it hadn't gone there... But you're nowhere to be found ! Are you ok??? I sure miss your e-mails. Thanks Penny Dear Penny I send your subscription out to you every night. Once it has entered the Hotmail server, there is nothing more, that I can do about it. Obviously Hotmail figures that you are too sexy to use a crappy mail service like theirs, and messes with your mail. Since Hotmail support never tells you the truth, they will probably give you some other excuse and try to blame you for their incompetence. Isn't it about time you graduated to a standard email? If you can't get one from your ISP, I'll gladly make you one. penny@dawna.com and penny@fire-cat.com are still available, and as a subscriber it won't cost you anything. Have FUN! DearWebby
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "You had told him exactly where it was."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090701@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Extra Flavor for the Grill To add extra flavor while grilling, save the loose skin on onions and garlic to toss into the fire just before grilling meats or vegetables. Throw dry fennel tops on the fire when grilling fish. By Brenda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A monastery in the English countryside has fallen on hard times, and the monks decide to open a fish- and-chips restaurant. The establishment soon became very popular, attracting people from all over. One city fellow, thinking himself clever, asked one of the brothers standing nearby, "I suppose you're the 'fish friar?'" "No," answered the brother, straight-faced. "I'm the 'chip monk.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Q. What is the difference between a hunter and a fisherman? A. A hunter lies in wait whereas a fisherman waits and lies.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 4th of July
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, is file sharing illegal? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  Juy 3, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Yesterday's votes were below 100 for the first time, ever. What happened? I noticed a steady drop since I added an extra joke a month ago. Apparently that was a bad move. So, off with that slot. While it is impossible to please everybody all of the time, it would be helpful if you could send me a quick email if you have a suggestion for improving! Have FUN! DearWebby
From Australia, where they have the cold season now: It was so cold last night the police stopped 3 youths pushing a mobile home down the street! When questioned by police they claimed to be trying to jump start the furnace!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William K. Bradley, 25, of Kalamazoo, Michigan stole a computer from the Kalamazoo County jail. KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Western Michigan University student William K. Bradley has been sentenced for larceny in a building. He stole a computer. From the Kalamazoo County jail. Where he already was serving a sentence in a different case. Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr. sentenced Bradley on Monday, telling the Kalamazoo resident his jailhouse theft was "the dumbest crime I've heard today" and "may be in the top half-dozen in my career." Bradley, who has racked up six felonies and four misdemeanors by the age of 25, agreed with the judge, saying, "I'm not the best criminal." Bradley asked for home arrest, but Giguere instead ordered him back to jail for six months. Western spokeswoman Cheryl Roland tells the Kalamazoo Gazette, that Bradley is a sophomore at the university.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Is file sharing illegal? Dear Webby My daughter is on some sort of file sharing deal, where the members put their CDs onto their computer, and let all other members download them. I found out when she said we needed a bigger hard drive and had a look. After deleting 220 GB, we now have plenty of room on that drive. Isn't that kind of file sharing illegal? Alex Dear Alex That depends on the location, however, the record companies can easily bankrupt you with an endless court case and lawyer bills. It also might depend on whether or not a family member of the judge is a starving artist, trying to pay back the loan she or he needed to make the CD. It is normally considered acceptable to download a sample song to help deciding whether or not to buy a CD, but downloading an entire CD is the same as shoplifting it. Making entire CDs available for shoplifting in exchange for similarly stolen goods is also covered by the criminal code. A lawyer can probably explain it all with a lot more detail, and what to expect in your location. It certainly is immoral, and you might be able to explain it to her by asking how she would feel about it, if she was a young and starting artist, and had borrowed $50,000 to create a sellable CD. In addition to that, it is a serious security risk to open your computer to strangers, and invite them in to do some shoplifting. Have FUN! DearWebby
====From Darlene Dear Webby, sorry to bother you with another repeat request. But could you please repeat that Hillbilly Medical Dictionary that you had two or three years ago ? Thanks Darlene Sure, Darlene. here it is: "REDNECK GUIDE TO MEDICAL TERMS " BENIGN--------What you be after you be eight ARTERY--------The study of paintings BACTERIA--------Back door to the cafeteria BARIUM--------What doctors do when patients die CESAREAN SECTION--A neighborhood in Rome CAT-SCAN-------- Searching for kitty CAUTERIZE--------Made eye contact with her COLIC--------A sheep dog COMA--------Punctuation mark D&C--------Where Washington is DILATE--------To live long ENEMA--------Not a friend FESTER--------Quicker than someone else FIBULA--------A small lie GENITAL--------Non-Jewish person G.I. SERIES--------World Series of military baseball HANGNAIL----------What you hang your coat on IMPOTENT--------Distinguished or well-known LABOR PAIN--------Getting hurt at work MEDICAL STAFF--------Doctors' cane MORBID--------A higher offer than I bid NITRATES--------Cheaper than day rates NODE--------I knew it OUTPATIENT--------A person who has fainted PAP SMEAR--------A fatherhood test PELVIS--------Second cousin to Elvis POST OPERATIVE--------A letter carrier RECOVERY ROOM--------Place to do upholstery RECTUM---------Damn near killed him SECRETION--------Hiding something SEIZURE----------Roman emperor TABLET--------A small table TERMINAL ILLNESS--------Getting sick at the airport TUMOR--------More than one URINE--------Opposite of you're out VARICOSE----------Near or close by

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090701@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Clothes Pins for Chip Clips This tip is so easy, maybe everyone already does it. Don't worry about buying chip and bag clips, use clothes pins! I use clothes pins to seal any bag I need to, from pasta and rice to chips and such. Much cheaper, they don't take up much room, and so handy to use! By Kim from Crawford, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Nancy went to the emergency room for medical treatment on two badly burned ears . "What happened" asked the doctor. "Well, I was ironing while I was also watching a soap on TV, when the phone rang. I answered the iron." The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?" "Well, no sooner had I hung up," said Nancy, "when the same guy called again, asking what all the screaming was about."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Eggs
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Deare Webby: Free PDF Writer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  Juy 2, 2009

If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day. --- John A. Wheeler Good taste is the worst vice ever invented. --- Edith Sitwell
Brenda's 6 year old was explaining to the other kids what "extinct" meant: "Well," she said in all seriousness, "it means that the dinosaurs are all dead and have been dead so long they don't stink anymore, that's why they call them exstinkt."
The crumbling, old church building needed re- modeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." As he sat back down, somebody a few rows behind him lightly tossed a bit of plaster that had fallen there, onto him. The rich guy virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." As he sat down, somebody tossed an even larger chunk of plaster onto him. He jumped up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon, who had not seen the pranksters, to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again! We'll get a new church yet!"
Sexy Cop!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lonnie Meckwood of Carbondale and 50-year-old Phillip Weeks of Tunkannock, Pennsylvania Robbers hit gas station, forget to fuel up KIRKWOOD, N.Y. — State police say two Pennsylvania men robbed an upstate New York gas station and might have gotten away if they'd remembered to do one thing — fuel up. Troopers caught 29-year-old Lonnie Meckwood of Carbondale and 50-year-old Phillip Weeks of Tunkannock after their getaway car ran out of gas while the were trying to escape late Monday night. They're accused of using a knife to rob a clerk at the Quickway Convenience Store in Kirkwood, 80 miles south of Syracuse near the New York-Pennsylvania border. The clerk wasn't hurt. Police found the pair about a mile away. Their car was on the side of the road. They're being held in the Broome County Jail without bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: What program for writing PDFs Dear Webby What program would you suggest for converting documents to PDF's? Steve Dear Steve I use Open Office. With it, that is built in and you can save anything, not just documents, in PDF format. If Open Office is too advanced for you, there is a page full of PDF converters at http://www.google.ca/search?q=free+PDF Have FUN! DearWebby
A fifth grader looks sad, so her teacher asks, "What's the problem? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," the little girl says. "I accidentally made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "That wasn't a very bright thing to do," says the teacher, "but just this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," the girl says, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked, and Little Johnny already handed it in as his."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090701@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freebies at Fairs Each and every year we go to the Minnesota State Fair on opening day. This is already a thrifty move, as there are so many deals that day (otherwise known as Thrifty Thursday). We always make sure to visit the Education Building, where we gather no less than 200 free pencils, pens, rulers, and other school supplies. I have not needed to purchase pencils for back to school in 6 years now. Plus, the kids and I have a blast seeing who can gather the most. They look forward to doing this from the minute we get home from the last fair until the next one. They always hand out free fabric bags too, which work great for shopping bags for when you have to buy the rest of your supplies, or for carrying books and such as well. I don't think I have ever come home with less than 20 of them in a single year, so it is always well worth it to us. By Freemommy from Shakopee, MN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered. At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?" "Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Farmer's Almanac
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Grain and film speed setting on digital cameras 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  Juy 1, 2009
Happy Canada Day!

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. --- Arthur Schopenhauer Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. --- Alfred Lord Tennyson Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau
Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
====From Lorna Hi Webby, a few years ago you had a phantastic piece about a Hawaian Good Luck sign and a bumper sticker. Could you please run that one again ? Thanks, Lorna==== Sure, Lorna. It's a bit long, but well worth it. Got a letter from Grandma the other day--this is what it said: The other day I went into a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. Well, I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir practice and a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my car. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. Then I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, leaned out his window and hollered, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Jesus Christ! Go!" What an exuberant cheerleader for the Lord he was! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him say something about a "sunny beach." I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air, so I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing--even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple people were so caught up in the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask me what church I attended, but I noticed that the light had changed. So I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning and drove on through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through before the light changed again and felt kind of sad to leave all those people behind after the love we'd shared, so I slowed down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cesar Velez-Velez, 51, in Lawrenceville, Georgia Fugitive On Run For 29 Years Caught Running Red Light Fugitive On Run For 29 Years Caught Running Red Light Updated: 3:55 pm EDT June 30, 2009 LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga -- Gwinnett County police have arrested a fugitive who was on the run for 29 years on a drug charge after stopping him for running a red light. Police say 51-year-old Cesar Velez-Velez was one of more than 400 people stopped for a warning during a "public education campaign" about newly installed red right-turn arrows at a busy intersection. Although right turns on red are legal in Georgia, it is illegal to turn on a red arrow. The officer who stopped Velez-Velez June 23 became suspicious when he acknowleged living in Georgia for 12 years but only had a North Carolina driver's license. The officer ran a records check and discovered Velez-Velez was wanted by the U.S. Marshal's Service on a 1980 charge of conspiracy to distribute cocaine.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vanessa Re: DIN and ISO numbers on camera Dear Webby A friend told me to mess with the DIN/ASA/ISO settings on my camera to reach further into the dark. Unfortunately, he was using all kinds of weird technical terms, probably because he didn't really understand it himself. So I figured I would ask you. You can 'splain things so that mere mortals and even Blondes can understand it. Thanks Vanessa Dear Vanessa In the old days those numbers used to refer to the size of the crystals or grains in the film. The bigger the grains, the more sensitive to light, but also the pictures were coarser, "grainier". For fine portraits in good light you used a film with a low number, and exposed it a bit longer. For fast action shots like races, where you didn't have time for long exposures, or for low light conditions, you used a film with a high number. Coarse, but fast. Digital cameras fake it with the smooth analog amplifier between the detector and the digitizing computer. That doesn't make the picture coarse, but the picture comes out as if there was more light than there actually was. That trick works beautifully in low light conditions, for example people lit up by the light of a camp fire or candle, IF you make sure that the camp fire or the candle is NOT in the picture. If it is, it's brightness too will be exaggerated. And make sure that you return the setting to normal before morning, otherwise every daylight picture will be too light. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090701@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze an Envelope to Remove a Stamp To remove a stamp from an envelope, put the envelope in the freezer for a few hours. When you remove it, the stamp will pop right off. The adhesive is still good and the stamp can then be placed wherever you want to use it. By Sandy from Elon, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, why would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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A woman was in the habit of having long telephone conversations that sometimes lasted over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes. "What is the matter?" asked her husband. "You were on the phone talking for less than half an hour." "I got a wrong number," the woman replied.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Canada Day
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Free Zip programs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 30, 2009

I am no more humble than my talents require. --- Oscar Levant My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. --- Benjamin Disraeli "Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." --- John F. Kennedy
Bernie's mom admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper. One evening dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and said, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Well, darling, that's a pretty good start! I'm sure with some patient practising you could even learn to dust it!"
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No, sir," a student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won't dissolve." "Well, Professor Mc Scottish, if it would, you would have asked for MY coin for the experiment !"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terrol Alan Casborn, 32, of Concord, CA Bank robber ID'd by tattoo A serial bank-robbery suspect was identified with the help of the mother of his children after she recognized his distinctive tattoo - a dark blotch that covered her name at the request of another woman, authorities said. Terrol Alan Casborn, 32, was indicted by a federal grand jury in Oakland on Wednesday on charges that he robbed the Mechanics Bank on Concord Avenue in Concord of $19,242 on Aug. 8 and ECC Bank on Sun Valley Boulevard in Concord of $4,508 on Jan. 22. Casborn pleaded not guilty in U.S. District Court in Oakland on Thursday. The Mechanics Bank surveillance video showed that the robber had a large, irregularly-shaped "blotch or spot close to the wrist, with what appears to be cursive writing below the blotch, closer to the knuckles," FBI Special Agent Todd Dorman wrote in an affidavit. A ski mask was found near the scene of both bank robberies, authorities said. The mask found after the January robbery was analyzed by the San Mateo County sheriff's office crime lab, where criminalists matched the DNA to Casborn, who has previous convictions for resisting arrest, car theft, forgery and passing fictitious checks, authorities said. On April 14, the FBI interviewed Jolene Allen, the mother of Casborn's four children, Dorman wrote. At one point, Casborn had the name, "Jolene," tattooed on the back of his left hand and the name of their daughter tattooed immediately below it, Allen told investigators. "Allen knows that Casborn subsequently had the name 'Jolene' covered by a dark tattoo at the request of another woman," Dorman wrote. Allen recognized Casborn on the two surveillance videos, the FBI said. Authorities said he is also suspected of robbing two banks in Fairfield and one in Benicia from June to August 2008. In all five hold-ups, the robber wore a ski mask and was armed with a gun, the FBI said. Casborn was arrested June 17 .He is being held without bail at Santa Rita Jail in Dublin.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Free Zip Dear Webby, First let me ask you to please send me your Humor letter again. I have changed Computers and no longer am getting you. I still have my same e-mail address, ***@msn.com Also want to know if you have a free Winzip for me to download. I have had to re-install a lot of programs i lost and that was one of them. Thanks so much for all your good advice over the years. Your Humor friend, Jaye Dear Jaye E-mail address '***@msn.com' is already in the list database! That means either you or MSN is blocking your subscription. WinZip is $29.95 at http://www.winzip.com/index.htm There are lots of free zippers available. Just google for free zip and you get pages and pages of free zippers. Take your pick! Have FUN! DearWebby
Bert's wife enrolled Molly, her lovable but dumb cocker spaniel, in a ten-week obedience class. At the end of the term Molly had made little progress. She re-enrolled her, but at the end of the second course Molly was still noticeably behind her canine classmates. The instructor, perhaps determined to succeed with that dog, offered to let her repeat the course for the third time at no charge. That evening Bert heard his wife on the phone with her mother. "Guess what?" she said. "Molly was the only dog in her class to get a free scholarship!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoid Flashed Out Photos This is a tip for those pictures where you need a flash but then you take the picture and it totally whites out your picture. Try putting your finger in the middle of your flash. It still lets the flash do it's job but at the same time, limits the light. Try it. It works! By Karen from Arnold, MO Before you say that is bad advice, consider the choice of cameras. If she uses those under $10 disposable party cameras, that is good advice in twilight or smoky conditions. Those disposable cameras have everything fixed. Nothing is adjustable or measured and calculated. The only "adjustment" you got is your finger in front of the flash. For best results use a bit of cardboard to direct the flash to the side, and let it bounce from a wall onto whatever you are taking the picture of. That gives you very nice contrast and 3D depth, instead of the flat faces you get with a dead on flash. With cameras that measure conditions and calculate the settings, if it "totally whites out your picture", replace the camera. It obviously doesn't mesaure, calculate, or adjust any more. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and saw the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A man with a heart condition inherits a million dollars. His family, concerned that the shock might trigger a heart attack, asks his minister to tell him about the windfall. The minister goes to the man's house and, after pleasantries, asks him, "What would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" "Well, pastor," the man says, "I think I would give half of it to your church." At that, the pastor keels over dead.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: White tiger raised by chimp
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Firefox colors 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 29, 2009

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. --- Charlie McCarthy When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! --- Laurie Anderson "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --- Ben Williams
Good jokes always come back. Here is an Oldie Goldie that came back to me today: What would Bible characters drive? One theory is that God would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua also drove a Triumph, but with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Thus following their Master's lead, the Apostles car-pooled in a Honda ...."The Apostles were in one Accord."
Despite warnings from his Alpine guide, an American skier is separated from his group and falls into a deep crevasse. Several hours later, a rescue party finds the skier. The leader of the rescue team shouts down to him, "We're from the Red Cross!" "Sorry," the American yells back, "I already gave at the office."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jake Ormerod, 18, in Torquay, England Burglar called victim's cab company TORQUAY, England (UPI) -- British police said a burglar who stole a cab driver's phone from his house made the mistake of using the pilfered phone to call the cabbie's company. Police in Torquay, England, said the phone operator for the cab company recognized the incoming call as coming from the phone of a cabbie named Don Smith, whose house had been burgled the night before, and sent cops instead of a cab to pick the man up, The Sun reported Tuesday. Jake Ormerod, 18, pleaded guilty to burglary as well as theft and shoplifting charges from unrelated incidents, the report said. Prosecutors said they are seeking a jail sentence of at least 18 months.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Adriane Re: FireFox colors Dear Webby, I have seen people at work use different color Firefox browsers. I am new here and don't want to appear stupid and ask where to get those versions of Firefox. Can you help me out? Adriane Dear Adriane Those are just colors they chose after getting the AnyColor Add-on. Click on Tools, Add-ons, Get Add-ons, See More Recommended Ad-Ons In there, about a page down, you will see ANY-COLOR. Just add that to your Firefox. Then you can choose from a bunch of pre-defined color schemes and even fine tune those for your own personal taste. There are tons of other free Add-ons there too, and you will feel like a kid in a candy store. Do yourself a favor and NOT add more than one per week. That gives you a chance to get comfortable and familiar with each, instead of overwhelmed and not remember what is controlled by which add-on. Have FUN! DearWebby
An airport ticketing agent was working at the counter and began asking a passenger the required security questions. "Have you received any objects from an unknown person to carry aboard the airplane today?" "No," said the woman. "Did you pack your own suitcase?" she inquired, pointing to the traveler's rolling carry-on bag. "Yes," she answered. "Has your bag been under your control since you've been in the airport?" "Well, no, not exactly," the passenger said with a sigh. "The silly thing keeps either trying to go every which way, or else it's trying to trip me. I feel like I am under IT's control."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ask For Discounts On Clearance Items I save money on things at big name stores by looking through the clearance items and mark downs and then approaching an assistant manager or floor manager about a further discount. You would be amazed at how often they just want to get rid of something. I have purchased a beautiful TV stand for $10.00 that was originally $79.00. A child's desk that was $115.00 for $15.00. A basketball backboard with the tall stand that was regular $150.00+ for $40.00. Of course you have to be really nice about it but 7 times out of 10, they have discounted it for me. It also take a little extra time but I going during the week in the AM when the stores are less busy to look for bargains for Christmas, birthdays, weddings, etc. By Evey from ManvelL, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." and hand written underneath: "Sandals can eat any place they want."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today" HER: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear" HIM: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news" HER: "Well, the air bag works"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Famous Caricatures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Weeding out the AutoComplete 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 28, 2009

There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine
Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. "Diane," he said, "the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me $10 million when he died." "Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Polakowski, 47 Milwaukee, Wis. Man tried to drive golf cart home RICHFIELD, Wis. (UPI) -- Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a man who drunkenly tried to drive 40 miles home in a stolen golf cart after being ditched by a group of "uncles." Investigators said the 47-year-old man had empty beers in the golf cart when he was pulled over Saturday while driving on southbound state Highway 175 and he told a Washington County sheriff's deputy he was trying to drive home to Milwaukee after being abandoned by his "uncles" at Kettle Hills Golf Course, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Tuesday. The man, who allegedly admitted to the deputy he had consumed at least 10 beers, was pulled over about a mile from the golf course, authorities said. He was arrested on suspicion of second-offense operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He also was cited for open intoxicants in a motor vehicle and failure to stop at a stop sign. Deputies said the driver had a blood alcohol level of .134, more than one and a half times the legal driving limit. The suspect was released into his wife's custody.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Weeding out the AutoComplete Dear Webby, Webby how can I clean up mis-typed email addresses and passwords that accumulate in auto-fill sign ins? I use cCleaner, and it does not do so. Thanks, Carol Dear Carol Highlighting a bad selection in the auto-complete and hitting the delete key works fine to weed out the Auto-Complete in Windows programs. Gmail, which is a Linux program, is a bit different. The autocomplete is populated from your CONTACTS folder. So any cleaning and weeding you do in there (such as "Remove from MY CONTACTS") should have the desired result. Have FUN! DearWebby
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Say "No" to Pizza Delivery Tonight I said "Let's just order Pizza Hut for once." My husband said, "Hmm, I like those little frozen pizzas from Save-A-Lot!" lol So, we decided on making our own Pizza Hut night! We made those little frozen pizzas (one each) and cooked spaghetti and opened a can of Heinz spaghetti sauce and had bread sticks! All from Save-A-Lot! Our supper cost us $5.50 instead of $22! And it tasted better! By Ariela from Jax, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food." "That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you." "No, not in the slightest," says the first one. "You must be a saint," her friend says. "Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking, but I like his cooking just fine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Trying to be subtle, John tore out a bunch of pages from their Dictionary. Then he showed Sarah that 'cleanliness' is next to 'godliness' Not to be outdone, Sarah tore out a few more pages. Now 'cleanliness' is next to 'impossible!'
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Morris Arboretum
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Weeding out cookies selectively 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 27, 2009

It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. --- Isaac Asimov I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. --- Poul Anderson The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. --- Robert Frost
One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the heck are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight - and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "All right! I get it! But I told you my mother drives like this all the time!" Again, the two guys came to another light. This time it was green. The Driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car totally. "What the heck are you doing?" The passenger screamed, "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" "Because my mother might be coming the other way!" the Driver replied.
Two guys were doing construction on a house. The guy who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding. The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over his shoulder and asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first guy said, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding." The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You idiot! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cameron B. Jefferson, 38, in Talahasse, Florida Dopey Deposit A teller at the drive-through of the South Monroe Street Wachovia Bank received an unusual deposit Wednesday: $200 and a small plastic bag containing marijuana and cocaine. Cameron B. Jefferson, 38, was arrested on charges of possession of cocaine and possession of cannabis (less than 20 grams), Tallahassee Police spokesman David McCranie said. According to the arrest report, the teller notified a supervisor that a customer in a white SUV had sent her a deposit canister containing $200, a deposit slip and a bag of marijuana with another bag of white powder inside. TPD was called about 4:30 p.m., and Officer Jamie Martinez stopped the only white SUV in the teller line. He detained the driver, Jefferson, who was identified by the teller as the customer who made the deposit, according to the report. Jefferson told Martinez that he sent the canister with $200, according to the report. He became frustrated that the transaction was taking so long and asked several times for his money back. Jefferson told Martinez, "If you said I did it, then I did it," according to the report. When asked if he accidentally grabbed the plastic bag when putting his money in the canister, Jefferson said "I put it ...," then refused to comment further. Martinez searched Jefferson's vehicle and found the remnants of three marijuana cigarettes, according to the report. Jefferson was taken to the Leon County jail and released on $3,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leslie Re: Weeding out cookies selectively Dear Webby, Love that you help folks with questions... I clean my cookies every day or so, and have some that I want to protect- not delete... TV guide, a game site, etc... since it's a pain to set these sites back up every time I want to use them... other then skipping them each time in cleaning is there a way to have them separate so they aren't accidentally deleted in the daily process? Keep up the great work... Peace to you Webby... Dear Leslie In FireFox you can go after them individually: Tools Options Privacy Cookies Show Cookies... You can also use the free CookieSafe Add-On for FireFox for protecting selected cookies: http://snipurl.com/kxil5 Have FUN! DearWebby
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "Wait! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Cookie Scoop for Meatballs When making meatballs, it can be time consuming to roll them by hand. Instead, I use my cookie scoop. It's similar to an ice cream scoop only smaller. It makes nice even size meatballs every time and is much quicker and keeps my hands clean. I lay each one on a sheet of a waxed paper jelly-roll pan and they can be frozen in the pan then put into freezer bags or you can drop them into your sauce to cook them. You can also lay them on Parchment paper lined jelly roll pan or a foil lined pan and bake them. By Chef from Sylvania, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But it should."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ. "Can you read that?" the doctor asked. "Can I read it?" the Czech replied. "I dated his sister!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: BC Wildflowers
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Differences between POP and Webmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 26, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops

"The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head." --- Socratex "There are well-dressed foolish ideas just as there are well- dressed fools." --- Nicolas Chamfort
Bill's wife's psychiatrist just called him and said, "Did you know she was going to poison you?" Bill said, "No! What you suggest?" He said, "After listeneing to her for three hours, my suggestion to you is to take the poison."
Returning from a trip to visit her grandmother in Canada, a woman was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, she gave him a small bag of her grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on her way. A short time later, she was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked. "Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate- chip cookies."
Thanks to Moe for sending this picture: Step-On-The-Brake-Ma!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 50 year old drunk in Hampshire, England Irate drunk drives Rolls Royce into store A drunk driver drove his Rolls Royce through the windows of a Tesco superstore after staff refused to serve him alcohol. Shoppers and workers at the branch in Andover, Hampshire, had to dive for cover as the luxury car crashed into checkouts. The 50-year-old bearded man had stormed out of the shop after staff told him he was too drunk to be served any more drink. He got into the Rolls Royce where managers unsuccessfully tried to talk him out of driving after he told them what he was going to do. His first attempt at ramming the windows failed but that did not deter the enraged driver, who reversed, revved the engine and had another go. This time, he put pedal to metal and smashed right into the shop, demolishing two checkouts, counters and ceiling fittings. Emergency services were called and the store was evacuated - six women were taken to hospital with minor injuries. Hampshire Police spokeswoman Katie Wilson said: "Six women were injured and treated for cuts, bruises and shock by ambulance and air ambulance crew and taken to hospital for further checks. "A 50-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of drink driving and attempted murder."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Irene Re: POP versus WebMail Dear Webby, What is the difference between the POP email, that you keep harping about, and regular mail like hotmail or yahoo? Irene Dear Irene Actually, POP email is regular email. It has been around a lot longer than Webmail. With POP email you pull the mail off the server, and work it with a more or less full featured email program on your computer. In the mid 90's, when Cyber Cafes became fashionable and popular, it became necessary to have a viewer, that could be used to read the email right on the server, and answer it, without having to install an email program or risk leaving any mail behind at the Cyber Cafe. The answer to that was WebMail. The email program and the mail stay on the server. Nowadays, that is called Cloud Computing. Naturally, with the email program on the server and shared by many people, it has to be rather basic and with very limited functionality. Another major difference is space. With a Webmail program you leave the mail on the server. That is fine, if you pull it down with a POP email program when you get home. However, if that is your one and only email program, the mail accumulates until it reaches a limit. Then any further email is bounced, or your mail is dumped. To conserve space on the server, operators of Webmail like for example Hotmail, often arbitrarily block large attachments or popular items. Forget trying to send Valentines Cards to a hotmail address. Their servers are overloaded at Valentines day, so they block cards, music, newsletters, etc. In summary: If your mail is important, for example business mail, use Webmail only when away from your own computer, and use POP email to pull it down and work it. If you don't have a computer of your own, or are just casually goofing around, then use a Webmail without POP back-up. Have FUN! DearWebby
Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old daughter was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was a hundred and eighty." Her daughter looked puzzled and asked, "How old are you now?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Extra Paint Off Your Paint Brush Use a Large rubber band to clean paint off your paintbrush. Simply place it over the center of the opened paint can instead of rubbing your brush against the edge of the can. By Aurelia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic information and asks, "How much do you weigh?" "One-seventy," the man replies. The nurse asks him to step on the scale and it shows that his weight is actually 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven," the man answered confidently. The nurse measures and sees that he's only 5' 8". Then she takes his blood pressure, and it is very high. The man says, "Of course it's high! When I came in here, I was tall and slender. Now, suddenly I'm short and dumpy!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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One day my mother, father, younger sister and I were traveling in the car. My sister turned to me and asked, "What does horny mean?" Being 12 years older then she was I did my best to explain what horny meant in a 10 year olds world. My mother and father helped between snickers. After explaining the best we could I asked her where she heard the word horny. Very seriously she explained, Well, in science the other day we were talking about what animals we will learn about next week, an one of them is the Horny Toad!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Eclectic Array
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Gmail and POP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 25, 2009

". . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice." --- Laurence J. Peter "Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example." --- Duc de La Rochefoucald
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what is wrong." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!
Two men were talking. "My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one. "I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 31 year old Bonehead in South Hurstville, Australia "Motorist drives off after having his licence revoked A Sydney man caught driving at more than twice the speed limit had his licence suspended on the spot last night - then got back into his car and drove off. The 31-year-old was allegedly clocked doing 147km/h in a 60km/h zone on Tom Uglys Bridge at Blakehurst about 11.30pm. Police pulled over the red Toyota Celica and stripped him of his licence, issuing the South Hurstville man with a Field Court Attendance Notice for speeding in a manner dangerous to the public. But the 31-year-old then jumped back into his car and drove away, stopping once, then again a short time later, when police took him to Hurstville police station. He was also charged with two counts of driving while suspended.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harold Re: Gmail POP Dear Webby, I need to use a proper POP email program, where I can file mail from different clients in separate mailboxes or folders, not just tag it like it is done on Gmail. Is there a solution to that? Harold Dear Harold Absolutely no problem doing that. There are even more than just one way that will work for you. 1) You can have one or more gmail accounts forward to your ISP based POP account. 2) If you have just one gmail account, then you can use your favorite POP program to directly access your gmail account. There is one caution I would like to mention: Gmail has good spam filtering, and you will accumulate a lot of spam in the spam box. Keep an eye on how close you get to your 7 GB limit and dump the spam now and then. However, that just drops it down into the trash, and still counts. You have to dump the trash too. By using gmail as a reliable mail and MailWasher as a final spam control, and a full feature POP program like Eudora or Pegasus, you got the best of all worlds. Have FUN! DearWebby
The other day I needed to call home from downtown, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side to politely wait until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two minutes later, he was still not talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife......"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seasoning Fries When making french fries in the oven, whether they be a name brand variety or wedges cut from your own potatoes. Sprinkle the fries with different seasonings to give your family different varieties of flavors. Make some lemon pepper flavored, sprinkle some with garlic powder, maybe some with Cajun seasoning. I got this idea when my husband decided he didn't like the way I flavored the whole pan. Each row I season differently. Try it! By Terri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of weekend shopping. An honest, little boy noticed her drop the handbag, so he picked it up and returned it to her. The lady looked into her handbag and commented, "Hmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me back here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Global Earthquake Activity
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Hotmail censorship 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  June 24, 2009

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation. --- W.C.Fields Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. --- Abraham Lincoln One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. --- Josh Billings I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. --- Beryl Pfizer
Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some just as good, and she gave me two more pieces without me having to ask."
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?" The employee replies, "How about in 3 months?"
Thanks to Jim for sending these pictures: Our night blooming cereus bloomed while I was away this weekend, and my wife got these photos. Jim
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Gray, 30 in Quincy, Massachusetts "Arrest me please" ad QUINCY, Mass. (AP) - A man has been arrested after he allegedly placed an advertisement on Craigslist selling marijuana. Police said undercover detectives responded to the advertisement and bought a small bag of pot from 30-year-old Christopher Gray for $45. According to police, Christopher Gray posted the advertisement on the online classified site with the words "420 help is here." The item read "Give me a ring if you need some help," and listed a phone number, which a detective called Friday and arranged for a meeting with Gray in Quincy. 420 (pronounced four-twenty) has been a nickname for smoking dope since the early 70's.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Andrew Re: Hotmail Problem Dear Webby, For some unknown reason I have not been receiving your news letter for over a week. I would appreciate being re-instated. My e-mail address is a*****@hotmail.com. Many thanks, Andrew Dear Andrew Apparently Ho'mail has decided that, if you are not smart enough to get a respectable email address, then you are not smart enough to read all those subscriptions anyway. You are not the only one that they are censoring. There is absolutely nothing I can do about the sniveling ninnies. Once your subscription has entered the Ho'Mail server, it is strictly between them and you. You can either 1) Contact Ho'mail support and ask them to stop censoring your subscriptions or 2) Get a more reliable and more respectable email address. You can get a free gmail address, or you can get a free address from your ISP, or I can make you a free address, that you can use with proper POP and even check with webmail. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the tomato at the principal?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Sheets for Dusting To dust all the furniture, I use a sheet of "Bounce" that is commonly used for the dryer. I don't know what's in it, but I save time as the dust does not stick to the furniture as much as it used to with my regular dusting cloth. By Bobby from Montreal, Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A redneck boy came home from class and his redneck father asked, "What did you learn in algebra class today, son?" "Well, I learned Pi R Square," replied the boy. "Now, hold on there son," he quickly replied, "you may think I am stupid, but everybody knows that pie are round."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it. ---Hal Chadwick
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Kite Festival
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Hotmail problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 23, 2009

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. --- Jane Wagner Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION "Places I'd Rather Not Live In..." Paradox, New York Crapo, Maryland Boogertown, North Carolina Spasticville, Kansas Hellhole, Idaho Purgatory, Maine What would Freud say about... Climax, Michigan Spread Eagle, Wisconsin Needmore, Arkansas (Clinton's Home Town?) Hardup, Utah Big Bogue Homo, Mississippi Intercourse, Pennsylvania Hornytown, North Carolina Conception Junction, Missouri Blue Ball, Pennsylvania Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania It doesn't surprise me that there is a... Rudeville, New Jersey Boring, Oregon Hell, Michigan Hooker, California Virgin, Utah Dulls Corner, Maryland Bowlegs, Oklahoma Volcano, Hawaii Beersville, Pennsylvania Fleatown, Ohio Burnt Corn, Alabama Two Guns, Arizona Toad Suck, Arkansas
Thanks to Janina for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kathryn Winkfein, 72 in Austin, Texas Police have to use tazer to control great-gran A 72-year-old great-grandmother is threatening to sue police in Texas after an officer had to use a tazer to get her to stop resisting her arrest. Kathryn Winkfein was pulled over for speeding while doing her weekly shopping in Austin, Texas, reports the BBC. Travis County sheriff's deputy Chris Bieze shocked her with the taser gun after she resisted arrest and became argumentative. Mrs Winkfein was stopped by the police officer for driving at 60 mph in a 45-mph zone in her white pick-up truck. Grainy police video footage shows the officer trying to shove her along and point the taser gun at her as she refuses to go quietly. "If you don't step back, you're going to get tased," Mr Bieze said. "Go ahead, Tase me," she replied. "I dare you." The video showed Mr Bieze using the Taser and Mrs Winkfein hitting the ground and moaning in pain. ----------------- Because elderly people often have very fragile bones, officers are advised to use their tazer, rather than brute force when arresting belligerent or violent elderly, who refuse to cooperate. I treat them like officers, they treat me like a gentleman, no matter how high the speeding ticket is going to be.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frantic Fran Re: Hotmail Problem? Dear Webby, I receive the Humor Letter just fine at home on my @Telus address, but when I want to read it at work, where I have to use my @hotmail address, I don't get it any more for over a week. I tried re-subscribing, but it says my address is already in the database. What seems to be the problem? Frantic Fran Dear Frantic Fran Your subscription is sent to both of your your E-mail addresses every night. However, once it has entered the Ho'mail server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. From that point on it is strictly between Ho'mail and you. You can either 1) Contact Ho'mail support and ask them to stop censoring your subscription or 2) Get a more reliable and more respectable email address. You can get a gmail address, or I can make you an address that you can check with webmail. Possibly Telus has a webmal viewer too, that you can use from work, without downloading anything into the work machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
George had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dutch Bottle Scraper (Flessenschraper) My Dutch friend has introduced me to the "must have" kitchen utensil for us frugalites. It's a bottle and jar scraper called a flessenschraper (bottle scraper) or flessenlikker (bottle licker) in Dutch. It is a spatula designed to scrape out all the contents in bottles, cans, and jars - especially the long ones with a top too narrow to get our traditional spatulas into. The Dutch are known to be a frugal nation, so it is no surprise that they came up with this gadget. It appears that though it is easily purchased and widely used in Holland, it is almost unknown outside that country. I use mine so much that it's time to get new ones. Scraping peanut butter jars, soup cans, mayonnaise jars, etc. with one of these shows just how much we waste because we don't have the proper tool. They are simply made but they are simply awesome tools. By Sandy from Elon, NC There is no need to buy an expensive Flessenscraper. You can make a MUCH better one in a minute. You need a long, thick handled wooden spoon, and the neck and shoulder portion of an empty dishwashing soap bottle. Trim the bottle at the shoulder edge and above the lowest screw-top ring, then cut it lengthwise. Wrap it tightly around the end of the spoon and secure it with a rubber band. Now slide the spoon handle up, so that only the neck portion of the bottle touches the wood. Take some flower wire or hay wire or baracuda wire and secure the bottle neck to the spoon handle. To use it, squish the "skirt" with one hand and shove it into a bottle. Because of the overlap of the skirt, it acts like an auger or screw elevator when you twist th handle. Your first one might not be perfect, but once you get the hang of it, a good one easily lasts five years. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An acquaintance of mine who is a veterinarian told this story about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to pick her up from kindergarten, she had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Oh, wow, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Wowcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Abandoned Places
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: infected by SP3 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 22, 2009

Welcome to Summer!
Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. --- George Bernard Shaw
One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." "Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board members," explained the minister. "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him."
Thanks to Dad for this picture: Fire Engine Red Opuntia, cute and extremely rare. Extinct in nature due to urban sprawl and farming.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vincente Rodriguez in Tampa, Florida Infant ejected from car in collision TAMPA - Police say 4-month-old baby girl Danai Rodriguez is lucky to still be alive. She was ejected from a car during an accident around noon on Friday. "The vehicle was headed south on Columbus Drive when it ran the red light at I-4," explained Laura McElroy with the Tampa Police Department. Police say Vincente Rodriguez, the baby's father, went through the signal at Columbus Drive in Tampa just as a garbage truck was exiting the highway. Officials say the accident would have been relatively minor, except four month old Danai wasn't sitting in her car seat, she was sitting in the front seat on her mother's lap. "The sad thing about this case is there was a car seat inside the vehicle and at this point it's just not clear why the parents didn't use the car seat, which may very well have prevented this child from suffering such a serious injury," added McElroy. Further investigation showed the mother was trying to nurse Danai when the accident happened -- something that could have cost her her life. "There is no good time to hold a child while the vehicle is moving," according to Captain Bill Wade with Tampa Fire Rescue. Wade says the rules are simple. All children should always be secured when in a moving car. Even in a small crash, the child's weight will be magnified and very difficult to hold on to. "Way too often firefighters and paramedics respond to car wrecks where nobody should be hurt and unfortunately a child is because they are not properly restrained," offered Wade. Police have arrested Rodriguez, the baby's father. They say he's in the country illegally from Mexico and therefore doesn't have a valid license. He faces a charge of driving without a license resulting in serious injury which is a third degree felony. He also faces another charge for having a fraudulent identification card. The 4-month-old is expected to recover.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: How to tell if the computer is infected with SP3 Dear Webby, My computer suddenly acts quite weird and a lot of stuff does not work any more. Is there an easy way to see if it got infected with SP3 or if it is some other malware? Ellen Dear Ellen Hold down the Windows key and hit Pause. That will show you the system properties and which Service Pack is installed. Have FUN! DearWebby
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet." A little later they ask again to see the baby. Again the mother says "not yet." Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Father McCarr, is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister. "Definitely not," was the answer. "Are you absolutely certain?" "Yes, Angus McInnis, absolutely." "Ok. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that $25 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter. Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father. Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Alpine Glaciers
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: How much memory for a digital camera? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day! The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.
From Lu "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." ---------- With me, they just threw the bottle at me.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed. The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit." "Why the rabbit?" "Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Storm coming
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bristol Zoo in Bristol, England Sent in by Cookie Enterprising car park attendant! Outside Bristol Zoo is the car park, with spaces for 150 cars and 8 coaches. It has been manned 6 days a week for 23 years by the same charming and very polite car park attendant with the ticket machine. The charges are £1. per car and £5.per coach. On Monday 1 June, he did not turn up for work. Bristol Zoo management phoned Bristol City Council to ask them to send a replacement parking attendant. The Council said "That car park is your responsibility." The Zoo said "The attendant was employed by the City Council... wasn't he? " The Council said "What attendant?" Gone missing is a man who has been taking daily the car park fees amounting to about £400 per day for 23 years Thats £3.3million quid ......or approximately $6 million dollars!! ------------- He did such a good job, they miss him!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeter Re: How much memory for a digital camera Dear Webby, My camera came with a 256 MB memory card, a stamp sized little thingie. Obviously that is just to show me where to put one with a bigger capacity. What size do you recommend? How long do they last and how do you store them? Jeter Dear Jeter You can get 2 GB SD memory cards for around $5, 4 GB for $10 and 8 GB for $20. Above that, the price goes up steeply. Personally, I use the 2 GB size. That translates to over 600 high resolution pictures of 3 MB each. Unless you do a lot of movies, that is usually more than enough for a day, with most people more than enough for a vacation. For storage just use a 35 mm film canister or pill bottle. Don't try to find the smallest possible container! That just makes them harder to find. Consider also the unbreakable plastic test tubes called "Baby Soda Bottles" They are about 1" diameter, 5" tall and have a bright yellow cap. They will survive the wildest canoe trip, with room enough in them to also put in a sewing kit and spare cigarette lighter. SD cards are pretty sturdy and being able to find them easily and quickly is usually the prime consideration. Have FUN! DearWebby
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, 35 children is enough. Q: The more pregnant I get the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Billy," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Billy corrected. "It means the car won't start."
A woman was driving her old car on the highway with her 7 year old son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars speeding down the road, she looked at her speedometer and saw that she was going 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that soon left her behind. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?" From the back seat, Little Johnny yelled, "I do! Because with that big clunky lemon of yours you couldn't catch the fast cars!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Outdoor Photos
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Deare Webby: Digital camera for beginners 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 20, 2009

Tomorrow is Father's Day! It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. --- Bill Clinton If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years. --- Bertrand Russell
At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, magnificent house, big car, the love of beautiful woman, then, POW! It was all gone!" "What happened?," asked the friend. "My wife found out..."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Szwalla in Winston-Salem, North Carolina Teen held up shop with banana A US teenager tried to rob an internet cafe with a banana - then ate the 'weapon' before he was arrested. Police say John Szwalla entered the shop in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, with the banana concealed under his T-shirt and demanded money, reports the BBC. The shop's owner and customers overcame the robber and called for help, but the teenager ate his banana before police arrived. Officers joked they may charge the 17-year-old with destroying evidence. Bobby Ray Mabe, the owner of store, said police officials took pictures of the banana skin instead. "f he had had a gun he would've shot me," Mr Mabe told the Winston-Salem Journal newspaper. "But he had a banana." Mr Szwalla has been charged with attempted armed robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: Good beginner's digital camera Dear Webby, What digital camera would you recommend for a Sr. citizen's first try at digital photography? I am by no means a fanatic about it, nor would I worry a whit about editing (photo-shopping?). I simply want a decent camera at a decent price to get decent pictures. With a decent zoom feature also. There's so many displayed at sales points that I'd hate to choose the wrong one. I can't afford that. Thanks in advance. Chuck Dear Chuck A used Kodak EasyShare C713 Silver Digital Camera would probably be a good start. It is under $50 and has a 3x Zoom. Kodak EasyShare C713 $47 For a new one with zoom, you got to budget $80 and up. Nikon Coolpix L14 Silver Digital Camera $89 Keep in mind that even a really low budget 2009 camera is more than good enough so that 10 years ago professional photographers would have gladly traded their car for one of them. These two cameras are not cheap junk, but actually very good and highly respected machines. Have FUN! DearWebby
As they drove along a Los Angeles thoroughfare lined with spectacular advertising signs, nine- year-old Billy exclaimed: "Look at all the bullboards!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Insect Spray If you have bugs in your garden, here's an easy, organic and free way to get rid of them. If you're squeamish about this, put on rubber gloves, garden gloves, or latex gloves and pluck the bugs off the plants, one species at a time, and put them in a cupful of water. You'll get used to it enough to do it bare-handed later, which is much easier. It may sound icky, but it works. Then take the water and pour it into your blender and blend until you can't see the actual critters any more. Put the water into a spray bottle and spray it on the the same plants you took the bugs from. This prompts a "danger, Will Robinson" response from that type of bug and keeps them away. Just do one kind of bug at a time, be they beetles, aphids or whatever else you encounter. No pesticides, no traps to empty, just a lovely, bug-free garden. And don't worry about the blender. Wash it as usual and it'll be just fine. By Pollylev Homemade Insect Spray If you have bugs in your garden, here's an easy, organic and free way to get rid of them. If you're squeamish about this, put on rubber gloves, garden gloves, or latex gloves and pluck the bugs off the plants, one species at a time, and put them in a cupful of water. You'll get used to it enough to do it bare-handed later, which is much easier. It may sound icky, but it works. Then take the water and pour it into your blender and blend until you can't see the actual critters any more. Put the water into a spray bottle and spray it on the the same plants you took the bugs from. This prompts a "danger, Will Robinson" response from that type of bug and keeps them away. Just do one kind of bug at a time, be they beetles, aphids or whatever else you encounter. No pesticides, no traps to empty, just a lovely, bug-free garden. And don't worry about the blender. Wash it as usual and it'll be just fine. By Pollylev Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision."
74 year old Marsha tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. A month later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," Marsha sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Stonehenge Summer Solstice
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby, how good are X-10 cameras 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 19, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!

Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves. --- Carl Sagan There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. --- Edmund Wilson Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale skinny people who look half-dead. In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific." --- Bill Cosby
At a local coffee shop, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A little old lady at the next table overheard and spoke up, "Girl, what you describe, is a computer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now SquirrelBait," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "That's what I mean, you've got to lower it about two feet."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashanti Barber, 19, in Detroit Dine, dash, crash DETROIT -- Four women trying to skip out on their bill at an International House of Pancakes ended up plowing into the Detroit restaurant as they sped away. No one was injured in the accident Tuesday morning. Restaurant manager Raymond Jefferson tells the Detroit Free Press the women ran from the IHOP just after 6 a.m. without paying their bill. Their server chased them, but they got away, almost. One of the women lost control of the Mercury Cougar as they drove away, crashing through the restaurant's wall and smashing at least one large window. The driver, 19-year-old Ashanti Barber, was ticketed at the scene. Her father, John Barber, tells The Detroit News his daughter had more than $200 in cash on her at the time and was talked into dining and dashing by friends.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: How good are X-10 cameras? Dear Webby, How good are those X-10 wireless cameras? What is the picture quality of them? Frank Dear Frank For surveillance purposes, the quality is good enough. However, if you want to take spectacular sunset shots or movies of your neighbor tanning in her back yard, you will be dissappointed. That is not what they are intended for. Some of the better digital cameras now have optional wireless remote controls. Instead of setting a self timer or use a bulb, you press a button on a garage door opener style key-fob. If you want to take high quality pictures or short movies, you are much better off using a proper digital camera for that. Use the cheap X-10 camera to monitor the sunset or the wildlife in the back yard, so that you know when to click the digital camera for the high quality pictures. Keep in mind that most of the X-10 cameras, especially the black and white ones, reach way into the infra-red to get more "volume" through the tiny plastic lens and onto the sensor. While this is exactly what you want for surveillance, it produces an unnatural picture. It will also make it appear as if it is a lot lighter outside than it actually is. Have FUN! DearWebby
A minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech on main street, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Budget For This Year's Gifts Now Set a budget today for your gift giving this year. By setting a limit and sticking to it, I've saved a ton of money. So often, don't we all just pick up a little extra over and over? Be sure to include cards and postage. I buy blank cards with pretty pictures and include a note for most that I send. By Laura from Mason, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The trouble with hitting the jackpot on a slot machine is that it takes so long to put the money back into the slot.
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date. but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee, and it's too close to shift change to make another pot."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Farces of Nature
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: SP3 Problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  June 18, 2009

The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a housebound 98-year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat down, asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand!" The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is our tradition!"
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The gigantic computer took up a whole wall, dwarfing the programmer and the mathematician standing before it. After much flashing and humming a sliver of paper emerged from the vitals of the machine. The mathematician, after studying it gravely, turned to the programmer and said with awe, "Do you realize that it would take four hundred ordinary mathematicians a hundred years of calculations..... ....to make a mistake this big?"
Dumb way to park!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimberley Vlaeminck in Kortrijk, Belgia Sent in by Deeli Tattooed BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A Belgian teenager has told police how she emerged from a tattoo parlor with 56 stars over one side of her face, rather than the three she had asked for, prosecutors said on Tuesday. "I said this part, the top, is ok, but not the rest," Kimberley Vlaeminck from the city of Kortrijk, 90 km (56 miles) northwest of Brussels, told Belgian broadcaster VRT. The 18-year-old said she fell asleep during the procedure, and woke up in pain when her nose was being tattooed. A spokesman for Kortrijk prosecutors' office said police were investigating after a complaint from the teenager. The tattoo artist said Vlaeminck had agreed to 56 stars. "She agreed, but when her father saw it, the trouble started," Belgian newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws quoted the man as saying. Vlaeminck said she wanted to keep the tattoos on her forehead but would have the rest removed.
From the Tech Support Pits: I messed up with Jerome's address yesterday. On some browsers and mail programs it was invisible. So here it is again: Keep that address safe, in case you need some help converting a Vista machine to XP. Jerome jerome@spiritscents.com From: Barb Re: SP3 Dear Webby, I found out the hard way why you warned that SP3 messes up 40% of the computers. My hubby is cute, and handy for stuff I can't reach, but he should not be allowed near computers without proper supervision. Well, he let SP3 slither in with a routine Windows update, after which we were locked out and nothing worked. Surprisingly I did manage to get into his from mine, but some parts were not accessible. He brought the machine to a shop, but they told him it would cost more in their time to try and fix it, than the old machine is worth, so I wound up having to format it and re-install Windows. Tell everybody to strictly forbid family members to do updates and to turn automatic updating off! Barb Dear Barb yes, you CAN get into a machine over a network, even if Windows won't let the legitimate users in any longer. That is handy to know, as long as you didn't put any data, like docs or spreadsheets or anything you produced, into the default "Program Files" folder. That is usually the first one you lose access to. For that reason I have for many years recommended that you partition the drive into 3 or more partitions, a small C: drive for the Windows Operating System, so that it is fast and easy to run a virus check on it, a slightly bigger one for programs and the rest for the data, that you produce or download. That way, even if you lose access to the entire C: drive, your data is safe on the third partition. The 4th partition is usually just my swap drive, a place that Windows can use for virtual memory. Here is a way that will usually stop Windows from trying to slither SP3 into your machine: 1. Open Internet Explorer (IE) and go to the Windows Update site directly: http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com/ ; 2. Click "Custom Install" to scan your system (NOT Express Install). 3. After it finishes, we can see the high-priority updates list on the website. 4. Locate Service Pack 3 and clear the check box before Service Pack 3. 5. Then check "Don't show this update again" under the instruction of Service Pack 3. 6. Service Pack 3 will be grayed out and it will not usually pop up again. 7. Restart the computer. That will USUALLY block SP3 from slithering in, but always use CUSTOM, and not Express Install, and check what they want to foist on you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny burst into the house, sopping wet and crying his eyes out. His Mama asked him what the problem was . "Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, when he was reeling it in, the line busted, ....and the fish got away." "Now come on, Johnny,"" his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have laughed." "That's what I did, Mama."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Egg Cartons to Keep Squash Off the Ground Use egg cartons to prop your vegetables up out of the dirt in your garden when they get too heavy. I had a squash laying in the dirt and was trying to think what to use to prop it up as it continued to grow. I cut 2 egg cups from an egg carton and placed it under the squash - outside up. Now it is high and dry. By Tracey from Jacksonville, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.When asked to define "great", he said: "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages...
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: What Now, brown cow?
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Old XP onto a new machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  June 17, 2009

Sometimes when you cry, no one sees the tears.... Sometimes when you are happy, no one bothers to see the smile.... but fart just once, and you have a reputation. --- Socratex It's useless trying to hold a person to anything s/he says while s/he's in love, drunk or running for office. --- Socratex
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had made a note, "Take only one, God is watching," Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One of the boys had written a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Murphy's Technology Law #347: Technology is regulated by those who manage what they do not understand.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an 11 year old boy in Hazard, Kentucky 11 Year Old Steals Church Van A Saturday afternoon joyride involving an 11 year old boy and a church van turns into a chase, spanning two counties, ending with a crash in a McDonald's parking lot. Police say he was a young man on a mission that they have never seen before. "No, not like this. But nothing surprises me, but never seen anything like this," said Joe Engle with the Hazard Police Department. Hazard Police say an 11 year old boy was at Carr Creek State Park with his family when he hijacked a church van and decided to go for a spin. "Fish and Wildlife evidently was trying to get him to stop and maybe some of his family members from what we know." A Fish and Wildlife official followed the boy down Highway 15 North on a 20 mile chase through Knott and Perry Counties, that is when Hazard Police got involved, chasing him through town. "The child struck several vehicles with the church van, coming in here in the McDonald's parking lot on East Main and began ramming vehicles and officers with the Hazard Police had to fire several shots into the tires of the vehicle to get the vehicle stopped." The whole ordeal caused a bit of a traffic jam, and onlookers came to try and get a peak at the little man that crashed the van. Overall, it was a thrill ride for the boy that had police saying their prayers and counting their blessings. "Everyone's safe, thank goodness." The boy struck six vehicles in all. Police say they are turning the matter over to the juvenile court. ---------------- There was no mention about the parents who brought him up that way, taught him how to drive, and then left the key in the borrowed church van.
From the Tech Support Pits: I messed up with jerome's address yesterday. On some browsers and mail programs it was invisible. So here it is again: Jerome jerome@spiritscents.com From: Liss Re: Installing old DELL XP Dear Webby, I tried to install the XP from an old DELL onto the stupid Vista machine my thilly sister bought. It runs like a speed demon, but I can't change the resolution! What do I need to do to fix that? Liss Dear Liss Look up what kind of video card is in the machine, download and install the XP video driver for that video card, and reboot. It will probably come up in too high resolution after that, and you may have to change the font size to 120 pixels per inch. Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He got fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treat Job Hunting as a Job When job hunting, treat it like a full time job. Spend 40 hours a week dedicated to finding a job, whether the time involves resume building, searching online, developing cover letters, or beating the pavement. By Emily from RI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's actually my dad's."
An avid golfer was late coming home from his weekly game. As he dragged himself wearily through the door, his worried wife met him. "Honey," she said, "How was your game? Why are you so late?" "Well," he replied, "this had to be the worst, hardest game of my life. Jack died out there on the golf course. Just had a heart attack and then died." "Oh, no!" she cried. "How awful for you! He was your best friend! No wonder you are late....." "Yes, the ordeal really wore me out.," he said, "the whole rest of the game it was hit the ball, drag Jack, hit the ball, drag Jack......"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tree of life
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Problems with installing XP on Vista machines 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  June 16, 2009

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. --- Napoleon Bonaparte If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. --- Mark Twain I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. --- Steve Martin
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Bad Hair ?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Billy Floyd Norris, 33 in HANCEVILLE, Alabama Man reports robbery, police find working meth lab Jun 15, 9:01 PM (ET) HANCEVILLE, Ala. (AP) - A 33-year-old man ended up in jail after he called in a robbery and police allegedly found a working meth lab in his house. Police arrested the man for manufacturing of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of a controlled substance. The man reported he had been robbed by his roommates, but Capt. Jimmy Rodgers said officers were unable to verify that. Rodgers said when officers located the lab, they discovered it was still active. Cullman Narcotics Enforcement Team agents were called to the scene to take samples and positively identify the seized chemicals and drugs. The man was incarcerated on a $1 million bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debbie Re:Problem Installing XP onto a Vista machine Dear Webby, My mother just bought a Dell with Vista on it but she got hers at "big box" store so she can't return it to Dell. She has her old XP disks which are a 2002 version. She was told she couldn't install XP because the edition is too old. Is that true? She's amazingly good on the computer for being 81 but she's not sure how she can get that XP on her machine. Can you give us step by step instructions or direct us to where to find instructions? Thanks, Debbie Dear Debbie They lied to her. Even if she has a wide, sawed of yuppie monitor instead of the traditional 4:3 ratio monitor, DELL has the XP drivers for it. That company is just a store, not a maker. I doubt, that they really know more about it than the price and the shipping weight. I would recommend that she return the machine and get her money back, since they lied to her. Most of those "big box" stores have a 30 day money back guarantee. The real guru on conversions is Jerome "Jerome Daniher" jerome@spiritscents.com Please keep in mind that Jerome and his company UPgrade machines from Vi$ta to XP as a business. They do it to raise money to pay the rent for the company facilities and to pay the staff wages. They are not funded by Walmart or by Microsoft. Expect to have to pay for their valuable time. They MAY be able to solve the problem over the phone, if you buy an hour or two of their time, but you may have to ship the machine and XP-CD to them to do it in their shop. You would probably be best off to negotiate a deal with them, and ship your machine to them. That way you are guaranteed that when it comes back in a day or two, ALL of it will be working properly, as if XP had been factory installed to begin with. Have FUN! DearWebby
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression..... In America we call it golf.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy an Inexpensive Bed Pillow for Fiberfill I recently needed some fiberfill for a pillow I was making. I was amazed at the price of the prepackaged stuffing. Instead of purchasing it, I bought an inexpensive bed pillow that was only $2.50. Not only was it cheaper, but there is enough for more than one pillow. By Momof1 from Wilkesboro, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Having a family breakfast at a local restaurant, my very active seven-year-old nephew, Andrew, was given a blank paper placemat and crayons to keep him entertained. He busily created pictures including all the family members. When finished, he turned to me and said, "Look, Uncle Frank, I made a picture of you." I looked at it and said, "Hey, that's great! You made me look so tall and slim." He replied, "Yeah, I know, but I was running out of paper."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: A Wonderful World
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: How to install XP on a Vista machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  June 15, 2009

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
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The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Good grief," said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?"
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture: Refreshing!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to What-A-Burger employees in Albuquerque, NM Prank caller led to store smashing ALBUQUERQUE (UPI) -- A pair of New Mexico fast food workers were hoodwinked by a prank caller into stripping to their underwear and breaking the restaurant's windows, sources said. The sources told KOAT-TV, Albuquerque, that the two male What-A-Burger employees received a phone call Monday night at the restaurant from someone claiming to be a representative of the fast food chain's corporate office. The caller told the men to test the fire suppression system and warned them to shed their clothes after they were covered by the yellow powder released by the system. The caller then told the men to break the restaurant's windows for ventilation, the source said. Some witnesses dialed 911 while the men used rocks to smash the windows. "He was actually talking to somebody on the phone and he looked like he was nervous. He said, 'OK, hold on' and he threw the first rock," one 911 caller said. What-A-Burger manager told police $10,000 worth of damage was done to the store. "This situation is completely unacceptable," the vice president of What-A-Burger said in a statement Tuesday. "What-A-Burger is working with the Albuquerque Police Department to identify the individuals responsible for these actions and will pursue full compensation for damages." --------- There was no mention of raising the pay scale to the point where people with a bit of common sense will work there.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helene Re:Install XP onto a Vista machine Dear Webby, You've always been so helpful. I've tried Vista for over 6 months (hoping I could get more used to it but it is absolultely horrid. Have been trying to find the issue in which you explained the best way to intall XP over Vista but so far, no luck. Don't know if it's Vista or me as something seems to be preventing me from finding the issue. Would you be kind enough to let me know where it would be possible to buy or at least print the part of that issue explaining the best way to remove this accursed ogre. Thank you so much. Helene Dear Helene if your money-back-guarantee has expired, and you don't want to buy a Refurb for $300 (Usually they are just computers that had been shipped with the wrong OS, and were reformatted at the factory with XP, because that is in the highest demand), then first check with support at your machine's manufacturer if you need any special drivers to run XP on that machine. If you do, download them and put them onto a CD. Next look up how to get to the BIOS with your machine. When your computer boots up, it will tell you which key to hit to get into the BIOS. Usually it is F10 or F2 or ESC. In the BIOS make sure that the first choice of boot devices is the CD. Then put your XP-setup CD into the drive and reboot. It will warn you that Setup will erase everything on the drive. Since you already backed up all the pictures and movies and recipes and other good stuff, click OK. You will have to occasionally hit OK or Enter a few more times. When it finishes, Vista has been exorcised and XP is installed. Most likely you will have to right-click the desktop, select Properties, Settings, and slide the resolution a bit higher. If the fonts then look too small, adjust their size in the same panel. Click on Advanced in the same panel and change the percentage number up or down. After that, it's just a matter of minor redecorating to get your favorite backgrounds, colors, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
A modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another false alarm. Alas, it was not, and he thoroughly darkened the color of his bedsheet and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing, and flailing his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard asked: "What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "L-L-Looksch like I juscht beat the cwap out of a ghoscht!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Bicycle I drive very little as I have a bicycle with huge baskets on it. I always wear my bike helmet and wear proper clothing. In my bicycle, I can carry 40 pounds of dry cat food, groceries, library books, etc. Just about anything! I'm 70 years old but I ride up to 20 miles round trip. It saves so much gas and it keeps me in excellent shape. Joan from Melbourne, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Overheard downtown: "My wife and I have structured conversations: firstly, she gives me HER opinion, then she gives me MY opinion."
Linda's son was in the process of being potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked, "Did you have an accident?". Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes,...?" "Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage." Shocked, Linda responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage." Her son replied cheerfully: " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's garage!!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 7,000 Islands of the Philippines
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Browser Choices 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  June 14, 2009

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice. --- Otto von Bismarck
Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 39-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all. Prof. of Engineering: Huh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it and giving me nickles!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 39 yar old Harris County, Texas man Thanks to Eric for sending this one in. Smoker Catches Fire At Gas Station HOUSTON -- A man was critically injured when he caught fire at a southwest Harris County gas station on Tuesday. Harris County sheriff's deputies said the man was smoking while filling a gas can at a Conoco station, KPRC-TV in Houston reported. "He was smoking. He dropped the cigarette and he dropped the containers and he was on fire," witness Ali Monsoor said. Witnesses said the man threw the can away from him when he caught fire, but the motion made things worse. The manager of the gas station grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the flames out. "He was on fire … he was burning," manager Noor Ali said. "He was burned over a considerable portion of his body," said Capt. Andrew Hawthorne with the Community Volunteer Fire Department. The 39-year-old man suffered second- and third-degree burns over 80 percent of his body, investigators said. He was flown to Memorial Hermann Hospital. His name was not released. "The bystanders did a good job of putting the fire out," Hawthorne said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick & Frances Re:Browser Choices Dear Webby, How do I go about getting Chrome or another suitable browser? Are there any available at no or low cost? I have Vista, which came installed on the Dell computer we just bought. I'd like to use something else. Rick & Frances Dear Rick & Frances Sorry to hear that you got handicapped with Vista! You can use any browser you want. Google Chrome is at Google Chrome FireFox is at FireFox Opera is at Opera They are all free. Keep in mind, though, just changing browsers does not get rid of Vista. The only way to get rid of Vista is to use an XP Setup CD, format the hard drive and install XP. You might consider returning that machine to Dell and get one with XP pre-installed. They DO have them, just go in through their business entrance. Have FUN! DearWebby
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice: "Uhhh... all by myself? Well, I suppose somebody is going to have to start doing that."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Digital Camera Batteries for Other Uses Although I always try to use rechargeable batteries, once in a while, I have none charged for my camera and need to buy some. I have found that when these batteries die out for the camera, they still work just fine in a less energy demanding item, such as a clock or remote control. I have used some of these batteries in clocks for up to a year. By Carmellyn from Pennsylvania Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When Jerry's daughter, Dani, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk. She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such. When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk. 'That one', she said, 'is a Squashed Bug.'
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Abandoned Russian Polar Nuclear Lighthouses
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Best Computer Speakers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  June 13, 2009

Tomorrow is Fathers Day! If you are a father, Happy Fathers Day! (Somebody will approach you about an increase in allowance shortly) If you think your father has everything he can afford, and you want to get him something that YOU can afford, get him a web site, or at least a domain name! Domain names are $10 a year. You can afford that! Web site hosting is from $4.05 per month and up, depending on size. Go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby
A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Johnatahan," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains...."
MY stuff now!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to George Spady Jr, 31, Arlington, Washington Little League Coach teaches players break and enter skills A Little League Baseball coach in Washington has been arrested for burglary after using team members to help in with the break in. George Spady Jr, who coached the team in the Arlington Little League, is alleged to have taken his son, his nephew, and one other team mate to the break and enter. At the scene, Spady had his son crawl through a vent at the back of the shop to let him in. Inside the vacant shop, Spady then stole overhead lights and bulbs, enlisting the kids help in carrying the stolen goods to his car. The story only came to light after the unrelated boy at the scene told his step-father what had happened, who immediately called police. Spady has been charged with second-degree burglary, but the children have not been charged due to their age.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re:Best computer speakers Dear Webby, What are the best computer speakers? I got a top of the line sound card and paid a ridiculous amount for what I thought were the best computer speakers, but compared to an old car CD player haywired to my fairly old living room stereo, it sounds crappy, even with the same CDs. What brand speakers do you recommend? Richard Dear Richard Simply connect the speaker wires to your stereo the same way you connected the CD player, to the AUX input. If your computer is in a different room, get a used stereo at a yard sale or from a pawn shop. Just make sure it has an AUX input, and large speakers. All the hype in the world can't make small speakers move the same amount of air as big ones do. Have FUN! DearWebby
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder sometimes," the wife offered "but never divorce."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted.
What's the definition of an optimist? An liberal arts major with a pager.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Classy Fireworks
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Internet Explorer causing a slowdown 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  June 12, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up. --- Lily Tomlin A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. --- William Ralph Inge "Don't dwell on reality; it will only keep you from greatness." --- Rev. Randall R. McBride, Jr.
Fortune cookie inserts: "Man who run in front of car get tired" "Man who run behind car get exhausted" "Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do" "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money." "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left." "Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!" "Man who sit on tack get point!" "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!" "Man who lives in glass house should change in basement" "If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient." The all-time favorite I ever got was this one, in the Shangri-La, a restaurant in Whitehorse in the 1970's. "Heed this advice"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Canada Day and July 4th are approaching rapidly, and it's time to start getting your fireworks together. Btw., did you know that in order to encourage interstate travelling in the US every second state forbids fireworks and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can always tell that you are getting close to a state border when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the freeway. In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had spraypainted underneath: "That would do good"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 42 year old Cortez Robinson in Kentwood, Michigan Stupid crook of the day Jun 10, 3:16 PM EDT KENTWOOD, Mich. (AP) -- Police in Michigan say a man who held up a gas station left behind a major clue - a piece of paper bearing a name and address. Police said they went to the address and arrested a 42-year-old suspect. The holdup took place Tuesday at a Speedway station in the Grand Rapids suburb of Kentwood. Police told The Grand Rapids Press the robber told the station clerk he had a gun. He appeared to be holding a weapon beneath a piece of paper. After getting cash, the man dropped the paper and ran when the clerk made a move toward him. Officers said the address on the paper was for a Grand Rapids apartment. They arrested the suspect when he arrived about an hour after the robbery. The gun turned out to be a homemade fake, but that won't make much of a difference in the sentencing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Arturas Re: Internet Explorer slow down Dear Webby, I think IE just has problems. Mine has slowed up too, which is why I use Chrome whenever possible. Arturas Dear Arturas Yes, just like SP3, the main purpose of the recent IE updates seem to be to slow down XP to the speed of Vista and Windoze 7. Luckily there are plenty of better alternatives available. Have FUN! DearWebby
The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward. "Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week. "I don't know what you mean," replied the second. "It's simple," replied the first. "Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090601@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Handy Headbands Made From Tights I love headbands, for fashion (especially on a bad hair day) and for washing my face to keep my hair from getting wet. Now that spring is here, I like to use colorful headbands - here is a great frugal way to make your own "stretchy" headbands that stay in place and are cute and cheap, cheap, cheap and don't leave dents in the side of your head. Look around for colored tights, you can get them in any color (I myself am a Goodwill gal, so I get mine second hand). Cut off a "leg", and cut the foot part off. Wrap around your head, stretching so you have some tension to hold it in place once it's on. Then cut to desired length, you can sew together, or simply tie the ends in a knot. Obviously, you will get more than one from one pair. I love these and use them all the time! I even have one in orange. By Carol from Lancaster, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes. . . . Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
Dog looks at human and thinks: "My hero, my friend, my buddy." Cat looks at human and thinks: "My can-opener."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Land Down-Under
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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