How to lock out a desktop computer? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 26

Thank you Norma!
Thank Mildred!

When I got up at 06:20, it looked really dark, but there was
orange sunshine on the wall. It just did not make sense,
until I looked out the window. 

We had a solid, dark and low cloud cover reaching probably
a few hundred miles to the East. And beyond that, lower down
on the prairies in Saskatchewan, the sun was rising and 
peeking through below the clouds. I watched it and marveled
at the curvature of the earth for the five minutes before the
sun was high enough to be blocked by the clouds.
By 7 it was raining. By noon it got sunny.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1790 US passes Assumption bill making US responsible for state debts
   That means the Feds will have to pay for California's debt, when 
   they go bankrupt.
1835 1st sugar cane plantation started in Hawaii 
1847 Liberia declares independence from American Colonization Society
1848 1st Woman's Rights Convention (Senecca Falls NY) 
1918 Race riot in Philadelphia
1943 120 F (49 C), Tishmoningo, Oklahoma
1945 Churchill resigns as Britain's PM
1953 Cuban pirate radio station's 1st transmission
1953 Fidel Castro  begins Cuban rev with attack on Moncada Barracks
1956 Egypt seizes Suez Canal
1957 USSR launches 1st intercontinental multistage ballistic missile
1963 US Syncom 2, 1st geosynchronous communications satellite
1979 Estimated 109 cm (43") of rain falls in Alvin, TX
1991 Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) is arrested in Florida,
    for exposing himself at an adult movie theater 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. --- Mark Twain Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell My favorite animal is steak. --- Fran Lebowitz
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
From Cowpoke I ain't much for shopping, Or for goin' into town Except at cattle-shipping time, I ain't too easily found. But the day came when I had to go - I left the kids with Ma. But 'fore I left, she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?" So without thinkin' I said, "Sure," How tough could that job be? An' I bent down and kissed her An' said, "I'll be back by three." Well, I done the things I needed, But I started to regret Ever offering to buy that thing - I worked me up a sweat I walked into the ladies shop My hat pulled over my eyes, I didn't want to take a chance On bein' recognized. I walked up to the sales clerk - I didn't hem or haw - I told that lady right straight out, "I'm here to buy a bra." From behind I heard some snickers, So I turned around to see Every woman in that store Was a'gawkin' right at me! "What kind would you be looking for?" Well, I just scratched my head. I'd only seen one kind before, "Thought bras was bras," I said. She gave me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong. Follow me," I heard her say, Like a dog, I tagged along. She took me down this alley Where bras was on display. I thought my jaw would hit the floor When I saw that lingerie. They had all these different styles That I'd never seen before I thought I'd go plumb crazy 'fore I left that women's store. They had bras you wear for eighteen hours And bras that cross your heart. There was bras that lift and separate, And that was just the start. They had bras that made you feel Like you ain't wearing one at all, And bras that you can train in When you start off when you're small. Well, I finally made my mind up - Picked a black and lacy one - I told the lady, "Bag it up," And figured I was done. But then she asked me for the size I didn't hesitate I knew that measurement by heart, "A six-and-seven-eighths." "Six and seven eighths you say? That really isn't right." "Oh, yes ma'am! I'm real positive - I measured them last night!" I thought that she'd go into shock, Musta took her by surprise When I told her that my wife's bust Was the same as my hat size. "That's what I used to measure with, I figured it was fair, But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am." This drew another stare. By now a crowd had gathered And they all was crackin' up When the lady asked to see my hat, To measure for the cup. When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay. Then I turned to leave the store, Tipped my hat and said, "Good day." My wife had heard the story 'fore I ever made it home. She'd talked to fifteen women Who called her on the phone. She was still a-laughin' But by then I didn't care. Now she don't ask and I don't shop For women's underwear. ~ Author Unknown
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version Lake Minnewanka and Mount Inglismaldie, Banff National Park
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sisters Allison Niemeyer, 19 and Laura Niemeyer, 22, in Ocala, Florida Jailed After Fleeing Walmart Security, Leaving Baby Behind Sisters Allison Niemeyer, 19 and Laura Niemeyer, 22, were jailed Saturday after they allegedly tried to shoplift from an Ocala Wal-Mart, then abandoned Allison's one-year-old son when a security officer tried to stop them. According to the Ocala Police Department, a Wal-Mart security officer attempted to stop the two sisters after they stuffed merchandise into a diaper bag and attempted to leave the store without paying for the items. When the security officer tried to detain them at the door, Allison, the mother, fled from the scene and ran to her car, leaving her one year old child behind. The officer also stopped Laura Niemeyer, however she fled the scene, also leaving the child behind. Security camera footage showed Allison sprinting across the parking lot, seemingly unconcerned that her child had been left behind. Laura dropped the child like a guy who tried to payby check, so she wouldn't be left behind to take the fall. The security guard quit pursing the woman since the child was seated in a shopping cart that could have rolled out into traffic in front of the store. Both suspects were apprehended at a local dance club late Saturday night (same day). The child by that time had already been placed into state custody pending a hearing of the case. Laura Niemeyer was booked into jail and charged with felony child neglect and retail theft. She is currently being held in lieu of $11,500 bond. Allison Niemeyer, the mother, was booked into jail on charges of felony child neglect and retail theft. She was also charged with violation of probation because she was on house arrest until 2021 in connection to a home invasion robbery with a firearm in 2010. She was pregnant at sentencing time and got an extraordinary lenient sentence because of her obvious pregnancy.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: Lock out computer Dear Webby I need a way to lock out a computer so that my kids, who know how to get around password protection, can't get on it while I am sleeping or away. It is a big desktop computer with a nightmare of cables behind it. Thanks Rita Dear Rita You can get X10 controllable outlets for about $10 each and a key-fob remote controller for about the same. Get the proper outlets, not just the lamp modules that plug into existing outlets. Those are noticeable and can be pried off. If there is more than one outlet where they can plug the computer in, you will need X10 outlets for those too, but you can control them all with the same keychain remote control. Swapping existing outlets for X10 outlets is no big deal. Just turn the breaker off, and switch one wire at a time. You can get X10 components at Home Depot and many electrical supply stores. If you don't show them the keyfob and explain it to them, they will never figure it out and get into other types of mischief instead. Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Alf Mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! An they want money!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

John had given Judi one of those new fangled electric coffee makers for an anniversary present. Within a week she was taking it back to the store. The lady at the return counter asked her if it worked. "Oh sure, it makes a great cup of coffee. Just like the booklet said, I plug it in, set the timer, go on to bed, and, when I get up, the coffee's ready!" "So, ma'am, what's wrong with it?" "I don't want to have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Dean This is why we trail so many countries in math...I was sitting in a cafeteria recently, next to a woman who was engrossed in her newspaper. One of the headlines blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news. Then, turning to me, asked, "How many is in a Brazilian?"
Incredible Jewelry Made from Old Sterling Silver Forks


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What to do when the phone is not showing who is calling? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 24

By the time you read this, I will be on my way to Calgary to
get more injections into my eyes. That means I won't be 
able to send out a Wednesday issue,
and Thursday's might be short.

Got a call from some telemarketer from some 1-800 number.
When I see 1-800, my mood and patience automatically drops.
Some Taliban was quietly mumbling something, so I told him
that I could not understand him, and hung up.

He had the nerve of calling a second time. I told him again 
that I could not understand his mumbling. He got a bit closer
to his microphone and mentioned something about Better 
Business Bureau. Yeah, sure. So I told him to email me and 
gave him my email address, and hung up. 

Needless to say, there was no email from any Better Business
Bureau. These telemarketers never have access to email.
If they want me to do something for them, they  have to get
close to their microphone and speak up.
Or use Skype like friends and clients do.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1704 Great Britain takes Gibralter from Spain 
1847 Brigham Young & his Mormon followers arrive at Salt Lake City
1847 Rotary-type printing press patented by Richard March Hoe, NYC 
1870 1st trans-US rail service begins 
1877 1st time federal troops are used to combat violent strikers
1915 Excursion ship Eastland capsizes in Lake Michigan, 852 die 
1936 118 F (48 C), Minden, Nebraska (state record)
1936 121 F (49 C), near Alton, Kansas (state record) 
1948 Soviets blockades Berlin from the west 
1950 V-2 Corporal rocket launch; 1st launch from Cape Canaveral 
1952 112 F (44 C), Louisville, Georgia
1961 US commercial plane is hijacked to Cuba 
1967 Charles de Gaulle says 'Vive le Qubec libre! 
   Long live free Quebec!' and causes a lot of problems
1969 Muhammad Ali is convicted for refusing induction in US Army
1987 IBM-PC DOS Version 3.3 (updated) released
1991 U of Manchester scientist announce finding a planet outside of
           the solar system
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is." --- Isaac Asimov To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. --- Peter McWilliams
Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Charged With Whipping Child To Death With Cord, Belt Not Used Because She Had Already Broken It While Beating Child Vastie Coleman, a 27-year-old Texas woman was jailed Sunday after she allegedly whipped her 4-year-old son to death with a cord. According to Houston Police, an investigation was launched Sunday when paramedics were called to Coleman's residence to revive her 4-year-old child. Detectives were dispatched to the scene when it became evident that the child had been abused prior to his death. Investigators say Coleman became angry when 4-year-old Kyron wet himself while riding in the car. In retaliation, Coleman beat the child with a cord until the little boy stopped breathing. She then placed the boy into a bath tub until paramedics arrived. The boy was taken to Northeast Hospital where he was pronounced dead on arrival. As paramedics tried to revive the child, Coleman reportedly told them "I did it, I beat him, it's all my fault and I don't care what happens to me." When detectives interviewed the little boy's two sisters, the children stated that Coleman would routinely beat them and that she beat Kyron with a cord because "the belt was broken because mom kept whipping so hard it broke into pieces." A medical exam revealed that Kyron's body also showed signs of previous abuse, according to Child Protective Services. Coleman was booked into the Harris County Jail and charged with injury to a child with serious bodily injury. She is currently being held without bond pending a formal hearing. The two surviving sisters, ages 6 and 8, have been placed into temporary foster care until permanent arrangements can be made for them.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ella Re: Phone not showing who is calling Dear Webby I was told that my new phone would show me who is calling, but it never does, but it shows me who called while I was away. I know it's probably something stupid simple, so I am afraid to ask anybody around here because they will laugh about it for years. Thanks Ella Dear Ella You are just too efficient for your own good. Don't pounce on the phone like a desperate spinster. Relax, compose yourself, and wait for the second ring. Just before the second ring, the calling number will appear. If it is a telemarketer, lift the phone a couple of inches, and bash the rubber duckie, that you have sitting beside the phone, with your other hand, before letting the phone clatter down on it's cradle. If he phones back, then it wasn't a telemarketer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Quote from one company: "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss's daughter finishes her summer classes."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Saw from Sticking in Sappy Wood A little kerosene and used crankcase oil dripped onto its blade will keep a saw from sticking and binding as you cut hedges and other sappy wood. Source: Grandpa By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Management always needs to have the last word. Case in point: During a meeting at our financial consulting firm, a co-worker was asked to guesstimate a realistic closing rate for the larger cases we were handling. "I'd have to say 20 percent," he answered. "No, no, no," interrupted our boss. "It's more like one in five!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. By the end of the week, he owed her $4.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50- cent tip and a note that read, "Thanks, Mom; keep up the good work!"
Russian Air Force Museum


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Dripping air conditioner 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 23

Tomorrow I have to go for more injections into my eyes.
That means I won't be able to send out a Wednesday issue,
and Thursday's might be short.

Ezinefinder seems to have been fixed late on Sunday. 
I have no idea what the problem was, since they don't
answer emails. It looked like they installed a new Mac after
last weekend's outage, but this one did not make it for a 
full week either. Well, for now voting works again. Let's
hope they can keep it working for a while.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
636 Arabs gain control of most of Palestine from the Byzantine Empire 
1253 Jews are expelled from Vienne France
1298 Jews are massacred at Wurzburg Germany
1798 Napoleon captures Alexandria, Egypt 
1829 William Austin Burt patents "typographer" (typewriter) 
1880 1st commercial hydroelectric power plant, Grand Rapids, Mich 
1904 1st Ice cream cone, by Charles E Menches during La Purchase Expo
1920 Kenya becomes a British crown colony
1940 "Blitz" begins, all-night raid on London 
1944 US forces invade Japanese-held Tinian in WW II 
1964 Egyptian munition ship "Star of Alexandria" explodes at dockside
           in Bone, Algeria. 100 die, 160 injured, $20 million damage 
1967 43 killed in racial rebellion in Detroit (2,000 injured, 442 fires) 
1968 PLO's 1st hijacking  (El Al plane)
1974 Greek military dictatorship collapses
1980 Billy Carter admits to being paid by Libya 
1989 Winds gust to 85 MPH at Fort Smith Arkansas 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom. --- Peter Ustinov Spare no expense to save money on this one. --- Samuel Goldwyn For aught that I could ever read, could ever hear by tale or history, the course of true love never did run smooth. --- William Shakespeare
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed it. No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the guy with passing a bad check. Twice.
Ginger tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 450,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Sandie, a woman she worked with at a salon. The Sandie told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Ginger, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Sandie. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Ginger made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the Sandie asked the Ginger, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Ginger, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Smith, 33, in Racine, Wisconsin Charged With Beating Wife For Over An Hour, Chomping Off Ear Joshua Smith, a 33-year-old Racine man was jailed Thursday after he allegedly beat his wife for over an hour, and bit off part of her ear. According to police, Smith reportedly called his wife after an evening of drinking and asked her to come pick him up from a friend's house. She declined, however, because he had been drinking all day, and they have had issues in the past when he was drunk. She then took her children and left their residence for a few hours, hoping to give Smith a chance to calm down. Instead, she arrived back home to find Smith fighting with his stepfather. When the stepfather left the residence, Smith allegedly t urned his anger onto his wife. Investigators say Smith attacked and beat his wife for over an hour, punching and biting her as she begged him to stop. After she convinced Smith to let her go to sleep, she climbed through a bedroom window and ran to her neighbor's house for help. She had several bite marks on her hands, arms, and face. She also had a swollen face, a split lip and part of her ear bitten off. Smith was booked into jail and charged with false imprisonment, substantial battery, reckless endangerment, mayhem, bail jumping, and disorderly conduct. If convicted, he could face up to 40 years in prison and $100,000 in fines.
Tech Support Pits: From: Martha Re: Dripping office air conditioner Dear Webby To keep the computers cool and clean we put them into a former pantry and just run monitor and keyboard and mouse extension cables to the office beside it. It really cuts down the noise too! However, to keep the computer pantry cool enough that the machines don't smoke, we installed a throuh- the-wall air conditioner. Most of the time it works fine, but every now and then it drips water like crazy. By the time the water runs out from under the door over the door sill, there is a one inch deep lake in there. Kicking or slapping the air conditioner does not help, but eventually it always stops dripping on it's own. It does not stop cooling when it drips. What's the story behind all that and how do we fix it? Martha Dear Martha You have an air conditioner that was designed by an accountant instead of an engineer. The good ones have an inclined drip pan inside that is sloped to the outside and gets rid of the condensation water through a little pipe or spout. Without that drip pan, the condensation water is blown towards the inside by the fan, and leaks into the room. When the air outside is dry, there is not enough condensation to worry about, but on humid days, you will get lots. The easiest and quickest fix is to switch the unit to recirculate instead of using fresh air. Since you probably need the fresh air, a more permanent fix is to adjust the leveling brackets on the outside and tilt the air conditioner an inch or more towards the outside. Less than that is not worth the hassle, because the water has to run downhill against the wind from the fan. Have FUN! DearWebby
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had lost weight over the past few years, and was heaving items from the wardrobe, that no longer fit, into a box that a boyscout held for a charity drive. "Wow," said, "I must have worn these when I was 195." The boyscout looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Handy Prop for House Plants If you have house plants with thin vines that do not stand up with a stick, I have used a wooden 5 fingered back scratcher to hold these vines up. Put the fingers upward and the vines slide nicely between fingers. This works great and does not hurt your vines of the plant. By Smilingfaces88 from Spruce Grove, Alberta, Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At a Wal-Mart in Grand Rapids, Michigan, a man stole a pair of blue jeans. He took the jeans into the dressing room, took off his old ones, cut the tags off the new ones, and left his old jeans and the tags from the new ones in the dressing room while he walked out of the store. He was arrested the next day.. The new jeans were on sale for $9.97. His old jeans had $15 and a printed out letter to him, which included his AOL address, in a pocket.
Russian Air Force Museum


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More on selective softening of images 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 22

Yes, I know that the Ezinefinder is down again.
I wrote them Friday evening and again on Saturday.

At the mall today a too skinny lady with a clipboard stepped 
in my way and asked me what kind of sun blocker I use. 
I told her that the reason I was better looking than her was 
because I had never used any sun blocker except my cool 
shades. 

Uh, duh, uh, but, duh...

It seemed impossible to her, that somebody was immune to all
the sun blocker commercials. Well, I am immune to razor and
shaving foam commercials too. And any political commercials.

I wonder how much time that saves me? 

By the way I got updated on the gas gauges. Apparently on 
newer cars, when there is a little arrow on the gauge, that
arrow points to the side, where the tank is, and the little
gas tank icon is most likely wrong.

On my car, a fairly old Chrysler, there is no arrow, and the
little gas pump icon is still correct.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1298 English defeat Scots at Battle of Falkirk 
 1775 George Washington takes command of the troops 
1812 Duke of Wellington defeats French in Salamanca, Spain
1926 105 F (41 C), Waterbury, Connecticut (state record)
1926 108 F (42 C), Troy, New York (state record) 
1942 Gasoline rationing begins in US during WW II 
1943 Allied forces captured Palermo, Sicily 
1944 Soviets set up Polish Committee of National Liberation
1947 -8 F (-62 C), Charlotte Pass, NSW (Australian record) 
1972 Venera 8 makes soft landing on Venus 
1983 Dick Smith makes 1st solo helicopter flight around the world
1983 Poland's PM Januzelski lifts martial law 
1987 US began escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti tankers in Persian Gulf
1988 500 US scientists boycott Pentagon germ-warfare research 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way. --- Robert Frost I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson
A lady lost her handbag at the mall. found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact the main office."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Only one that bloomed today, a Shuhmannii.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Chrystina Del Rosario, 25, La Mesa, California Teacher - Charged With Sex with 15-year-Old Student Chrystina Del Rosario, a 25-year-old teacher's assistant at Reflections Central School, was jailed Monday after she allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to La Mesa Police, an investigation was launched after rumors began circulating, prompting school officials and police to investigate. Investigators say Del Rosario had sex with a 15-year-old student inside a classroom on or about June 27, 2012. Del Rosario was employed as a teacher's aide at the school, which specialized in educating young offenders. Del Rosario was booked into jail and charged with performing a lewd act with a child, intent to commit a sexual offense with a minor and unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.
Tech Support Pits: From: Britta Re: More on Soft focus for picture Dear Webby Did somebody rudely interrupt you as you were explaining how to make a sharp spot in a soft focus picture? What is the next step? Britta Dear Britta If somebody did, I would never tell on her '-) The next step is to play and experiment. Do you want the irrelevant parts of that machine, or whatever you are describing, to be shaded, as if only the relevant part was in the sun ? Then reduce brightness of the selected area. Remember, you first selected the chosen area, then inverted the selection, so that everything except the chosen area was selected. Cranking down the brightness will make the untouched chosen area stand out like the rude sign-up forms on some low-class ads. Do you want a light mist over the irrelevant parts? Then increase brightness and reduce contrast. With the lassoo tool you can select irregular shapes like a person in a crowd. Just play and experiment until yuo have the results that you want. Then stick with that setting. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to David for this one: (He's not worried that his mother will read his submission. She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss a call from him) Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers) Jewish Mother: Hello? Daughter Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Jewish Mother You're going out? Daughter Yes. Jewish Mother With whom? Daughter With a friend. Jewish Mother I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. Daughter I didn't leave him. He left me! Jewish Mother You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. Daughter I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? Jewish Mother I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. Daughter There are lots of things that you did and I don't. Jewish Mother What are you hinting at? Daughter Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. Jewish Mother You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? Daughter My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! Jewish Mother So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? Daughter He's not a loser. Jewish Mother A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. Daughter I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Jewish Mother Poor children with such a mother. Daughter Such a what? Jewish Mother With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. Daughter ENOUGH !!! Jewish Mother Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Daughter Now you're worried about the loser? Jewish Mother Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Daughter Goodbye, mother. Jewish Mother Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! Jewish Mother If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Four Religious Truths 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Church Bulletin Bloopers Everyone is excited about the upcoming wedding of Brad and Melody They are having a "country style" wedding. Everyone is invited to join them as they exchange cows in the church courtyard June 7th. Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two old ladies for sale, in good running order.
Russian Air Force Museum


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Soft focus for parts of pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 21

When I went for my walk it looked dark and wild, but I 
figured I could probably get back before it let go.
On the way back it looked like a funnel was going to come
down any moment, but tornadoes don't like lifting a leg and
they just get momentum here and then touch down in the
flat prairie east of here.

Then I heard and saw a wall of dust approaching. I braced
for it, but was not ready for it to take my cap. Sandie had 
given me that cap when I visited her in Cape Coral, Florida,
on the day I helped her put the steel shutters on her house
in preparation for the approaching Hurricane Wilma.

There was just no damn way this wind was going to take that
cap, and with a twist and lunge and roll more suited to a 
much younger soccer goalie I caught the cap. 

As I laid there on the road, almost ready to get up, a lawn 
chair flew by, doing about 60 in a 30 zone. If I had been 
upright, that would have hurt!

I was almost home and I could see my Saskatoon bushes
some ways down the road on the other side. So I crouched 
against the wind and went for them. Yeah, I would love to 
say i sprinted for them. In that kind of wind you don't sprint
against the wind. You slowly stagger like carrying a big 
weight up a steep hill. 

I had to dodge an empty plastic flower pot, but made it
safely to the berry bushes, that were making quite a racket 
in that wind. As I moved between two of the bushes, I did
a neat face plant. No wind between the bushes!

When I was about 30 feet from the house, there was a bright
flash of lightning and a thunder clap before the flash was over.
A second later the wind slowed down to about 30, and the
rain started like a long held back waterfall. 

I had expected the rain when I saw the flash and started 
running, but by the time I got into the house, I was soaked.
So I put the rescued cap onto the hallway counter, and went
back outside. I was already wet, and a stormy, big drop 
summer rain is quite enjoyable. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Yesterday's Question:
What were the first organisms to travel to space and return
alive? And when was that?

I thought it was the two dogs, that the Soviets shot into 
space for one orbit and recovered on July 20, 1960.
I was  wrong.
Subscriber Tom told me it was fruit flies shot 68 miles high
into space in Nevada on top of a confiscated German V2, 
in 1947, and recovered alive.

Today in 
1588 English fleet defeats Spanish armada 
1831 Belgium gains independence from Netherland
1836 1st Canadian RR opens, between Laprairie & St John, Qubec
1861 1st major battle of Civil War ends
1873 Jesse James, 1st train robbery
1896 National Federation of Afro-American Women & Colored Women's
           League merge to form National Association of Colored Woman 
1898 Spain cedes Guam to US 
1919 Dirigible crashes through bank skylight killing 13 (Chicago, Ill) 
1934 113 F (45 C), near Gallipolis, Ohio
1940 Soviet Union annexes Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania
1944 US forces free Guam of Japanese invaders 
1954 At Geneva, France agrees to independence of 
   North & South Vietnam
1955 1st US sub powered by liquid metal cooled reactor launched
1959 1st atomic powered merchant ship, Savannah, christened
1969 Neil Armstrong steps on the Moon at 2:56:15 AM (GMT) 
1972 In New York, 57 murders occur in 24 hours 
1983 Polish govt ends 19 months of martial law 
1984 1st documented case of a robot killing a human in US
1990 Pink Floyds' "The Wall" is performed where the 
   Berlin Wall once stood 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Politics is made up largely of irrelevancies. --- Dalton Camp Confusion is always the most honest response. --- Marty Indik "My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale." --- Rita Rudner "My car has this feature I guess is standard, because it was on my last car, too. It has a rotating gas tank. No matter what side of the pump I pull up to, it's on the other side." --- Rita Rudner Have a look at your gas gauge. It has a small icon of a gas pump. If that icon has the nozle on the right, then your filler cap is on the right. If the icon has the nozzle on the left, then your gas cap is on the left. Yes, your car too! DearWebby
A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages. "Don't worry" says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here." "How long is that?" asks the girl. "About three hundred years."
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version Lake Louise
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Benjamin Gottke, 43 in a jail in Maine Escaped Louisiana inmate drives unmarked police car 1,800 miles A Louisiana sheriff is reportedly unsure how an escaped inmate stole and drove an unmarked police car 1,800 miles across the country, but claims it wont happen again. Benjamin Gottke, 43, was a trustee in the Tensas Sheriffs Office kitchen when he acquired keys to an unmarked police vehicle last week and escaped, The Natchez Democrat reports. Gottke, who had about nine months remaining on his sentence for simple burglary, was later arrested in Maine in on Saturday. He realized he had no chance of getting into Canada. Possibly a hitch-hiker who had given him monet for fuel, told him that anybody with a criminal record is arrested at the border and hauled back to the other side in handcuffs. So he turned around in No-Mans-Land between the border stations and tried to re-enter the USA. When CBP officials asked for Gottkes identification at the Houlton port, he indicated he did not have any or a registration for the vehicle. When he was asked to turn off the car he accelerated and ran the port heading south on I-95, Benson-Fuller said. We contacted the state police and our law enforcement partners to undertake a search as we normally do to locate a suspect. Members of the U.S. Border Patrol, working with air support and a K-9 unit, located the vehicle abandoned at Irving Big Stop in Houlton about an hour later. Asselin said it appeared Gottke had fled on foot. He crossed both lanes of the interstate on foot, he said. His goal was to sneak into Canada on foot. Asselin said his department got word out to the public through local media asking residents to keep a lookout for the escaped prisoner. We started to get some calls that he was seen on Elm Street, Asselin said. Then someone driving heard the broadcast and spotted someone who matched the description and came in to the police station to report it. Gottke was subsequently located on the corner of Park and High Streets. When he was approached by law enforcement officers, Asselin said, Gottke resisted arrest and police used a Taser on him twice before placing him into custody. Gottke is facing charges in Maine as a fugitive from justice and resisting arrest as well as charges in Louisiana of simple escape and theft of a vehicle.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anny Re: Soft focus for pictures Dear Webby How do I make a certain part of a picture sharply focused and the rest slightly out of focus? I need to highlight different parts of a machine to show what the instructions at that paragraph are all about. And I need some fast and quick way of doing it, not messing around for hours with masks and tricky stuff. I use PSP. Thanks Annie Dear Annie Use the rectangle selector or the lassoo in point to point mode and select the part that you want sharp. CTRL SHIFT I or mouse to Selection, Invert Now you have everything except that part "selected". SHIFT B brings up the Brightness / Contrast setting. Reduce contrast and increase brightness. Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Bonnie Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, Madam?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

>From Bill: I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, the act of going from a gas to a solid, skipping the intermediate liquid stage. He gave as an example water vapor in the air condensing on a windshield to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting "dry ice'' as the answer. One of the students blurted out, "Burritos."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When I was discussing fund drives of universities with a few friends, one told this story: "I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. "Sure enough, a few years ago Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' some perky alumnus asked. "I responded, 'Oh, not a lot. Just the same thing as I was doing while at the university. Stealing cars, running moonshine and selling a bit of dope on the side.' "They've never called back."
Unique & Unusual Time-pieces


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How to make an Automatic current date on web page 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Moe!

Yesterday's quiz:
If you have hard to clean calcium deposits on a leaky
faucet, which vegetable will clean it without effort?

Cucumber! Just put some slices onto the calium deposits,
let them sit overnight and rinse the next day. Shines up the
chrome quite nicely too!

Next question:
What were the first organisms to travel to space and return
alive? And when was that?

Today in 
1773 Scottish settlers arrive at Pictou, Nova Scoti
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain
1868 1st use of tax stamps on cigarettes
1872 Mahlon Loomis receives patent for wireless, radio is born
1894 2000 fed troops recalled from Chicago, 
   having ended Pullman strike 
1930 106 F (41 C), Washington, DC 
1934 118 F (48 C), Keokuk, Iowa 
1944 US invades Japanese-occupied Guam in WW II 
1944 Von Stauffenberg fails on an attempt on Hitler's life 
1949 Israel's 19 month war of independence ends
1960 1st submerged submarine to fire Polaris missile
1969 1st men on Moon, Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin
1974 Turkey invades Cyprus 
1985 Divers find wreck of Spanish galleon Atocha 
1989 93 F (33 C), highest overnight low ever recorded in 
   Phoenix Arizona 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"It is neither wealth nor splendor; but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness." --- Thomas Jefferson They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum. --- Tallulah Bankhead
A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?" "Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting; he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze politician?"
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version Lake Louise
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tonya Ann Fowler, 45 in Winder, Georgia Woman called 911 With Mug Shot Beef JULY 19--A Georgia woman has been charged with misusing the 911 system after she called police dispatchers to register a complaint about the quality of a mug shot taken following a prior arrest. Tonya Ann Fowler dialed police Sunday evening after spotting the photo in Bad & Busted, a local publication that compiles images of recent arrestees. The photo that so displeased Fowler, 45, was snapped following an earlier collar. A Winder Police Department report notes that Fowler dialed 911 on July 15 in reference to being upset about a picture. In a conversation with a cop, Fowler explained that she was upset about how she looked on the front page of the Bad and Busted printing. As a result of the 911 call about her mug shot, Fowler was afforded the opportunity to pose for a fresh booking photo since she was charged with unlawful use of 911 and disorderly conduct. Fowler is pictured above in her latest photo snapped at the Barrow County Detention Center. After spending three days in custody, Fowler bonded out of the county jail yesterday afternoon.
Tech Support Pits: From: Sunny Re: Date for web page Dear Webby How do I put a live date onto my web page? I don't want to use one of those silly clocks, just a simple display that shows when the visitor opened the page. Thanks Sunny Dear Sunny Paste this where you want the date to show <.script type="text/JavaScript"> document.write(Date()+".") <./script> You will have to delete the period after the < I only put that there so that the code piece shows OK in your email. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman calls an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28- ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Nissan." As the parts guy writes down "Nissan, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full-service parts warehouse; it's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down customer pick-up, Nissan 280Z water pump, part number...
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Shower Caps for Food Covers This may sound like a silly tip, but this proved to be very handy when we were camping with friends once, and I found that it works equally well at home. There are times when you need to cover a dish with food in it and just do not have the proper size lid, or a way to hold a cover on it easily. Here is a solution. Go to a dollar or similar type store, and find a package of thin plastic hair caps, used when dying hair. You will find that these will stretch over a large area when necessary, or if you need to use toothpicks to keep them up off of a frosted cake, they are light enough to do that without pressing down. They will fit over so many odd shaped things, even things with handles, and slip down over the handle, closing the area against the body of the container. We now go to a supply store for beauty shops, which we are told are quite common in any area, and get larger packs of them, and of course they are reusable, contrary to the plastic you rip off the roll and try to make stay on something. Just swish them around in sudsy water, same with rinse water, and lay over a hanging towel or use a clothespin to hang up to dry. by Loretta from Theodore, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but to make matters worse, I ended up catching fish, and he didn't!"
Scary Weather


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How to set up Video Chat 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 19

Thank you Robert!

Thank you Betty!

Thank you Claude e.P ! 
Also Ophelia wrote to convey her Thanks, and to tell you
to write to Ophelia and tell her your email address, 
so that she can subscribe you.

Yesterday's quiz:
In Italy trains are still running on DC, so at the border, 
international trains have to switch locomotives. 

In Germany some trains  run with Diesels, which power
DC generators, which charge batteries, which drive the 
locomotives. Normally they make a racket just like
Canadian freight locomotives, but for inside covered
and badly echoig train stations, they can maneuver 
a bit on the batteries. However, there are only a few 
stretches in the South that still don't have overhead
electricity, and of course those noisy locomotives
are not allowed into Switzerland or Austria.

Next question:
If you have hard to clean calcium deposits on a leaky
faucet, which vegetable will clean it without effort?

Today in 
2781 -BC- Presumed start of Egyptian calendar 
532 Start of Dionysian Pascal Cycle 
1510 38 Jews are burned at the stake in Berlin
1870 France declares war on Prussia; the Franco-Prussian 
   war begins 
1943 Allied air forces raid Rome during WW II 
1957 1st rocket with nuclear warhead fired, Yucca Flat, Nevada 
1967 Race riots in Durham NC 
1967 US launches Explorer 35 for lunar orbit
1979 2 supertankers collide off Tobago
1991 Miss Black America contestant accuses Mike Tyson of rape 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The best doctor gives the least medicines." --- Benjamin Franklin The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. --- Thomas Szasz
Alice was to bake a cake for the ladies' bridge group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom ... a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the sale. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself. The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice sat back in her chair and almost wet herself when she heard the hostess say .. "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Two college seniors with an exam the next day had decided to party the night away instead of study. So, when they went to the test the next morning, they explained to the professor that their car had a flat tire the night before and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor gave them another day, so that evening the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the following morning, each boy was told to go into separate classrooms to take the exam. They shrugged and went into their respective rooms. As each sat down, they read the first question: "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought the exam was going to be a piece of cake and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued: "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Davis G. Dawkins, 19, and Duwayne Henderson, 19 Customer shoots suspects during Internet cafe robbery. 63 year old Samuel Williams blew the robber's ass off, because he was afraid that they were going to shoot someone. Two men who deputies say tried to rob a Marion County Internet caf were both shot by one of the patrons. It happened just before 10:00 p.m. Friday at the Palms Internet Caf located at 8444 SW State Road 200. When Marion County deputies arrived they found patrons outside the business who told them that two men in masks - one armed with a baseball bat and the other with a handgun - barged into the business. The robbers told the approximately 30 patrons to get on the floor, and they demanded money. Investigators say Samuel Williams, one of the customers, pulled out his own handgun and shot the robbers. Both robbers began running toward the front door, and the patron fired several more shots as they fled. The two men got into a car parked nearby and fled. Not long afterward, deputies got a call about two men at a Marion Oaks residence who were telling people there that they had been shot while at Scott Carrigan Baseball Park on Southeast 17th Street in Ocala. Police officers went to the field but found no evidence of a shooting there. The two men, later identified as Davis G. Dawkins, 19, and Duwayne Henderson, 19, were transported - one by helicopter - to Shands at the University of Florida in Gainesville. Dawkins had a superficial wound in his left arm, but Henderson was shot in two places: his left buttock and his right hip. Both men were arrested for attempted robbery with a firearm.
Tech Support Pits: From: Irene Re: How do I set up a Video Chat Dear Webby Pardon my ignorance, but from what I gather from your remarks about Skype, it would be possible to have a video chat with my daughter, without having to pay thousands of dollars for a program plus phone line fees on top. How is that done? My daughter is with the military in Europe but gets to go to town once a week. I have a three year old DELL desktop. Thanks Irene Dear Irene Most cybercafes in Europe have Skype installed, especially in military towns. You can download Skype free at http://Skype.com and you can get a computer web camera with microphone included for $20 to $500. Keep in mind, the $500 does not necessarily work better. It just has more advertising. For example, the Microsoft LifeCam Cinema Webcam High definition wewebcam for $67 has 5 star rating by customers, but many of the expensive cameras barely get two stars. That cameras little brother, the Microsoft LifeCam HD-5000 for $43 has a 4 star rating. With some shopping around, you might get better prices than these. To set it up, you simply plug the camera into a USB port, and most likely Windos already has the drivers for it. If not, it will offer to download them for you. Then you are set. Start up Skype and add a "contact". A "contact" is the user name of another Skype user. Mine, for example, is of course "dearwebby". If the contact you try is green (online), he or she will get a request to authorize you. You can't just blurt at Arnold Schwarzenegger or Brad Pitt. They have to authorize you. Once you are authorized, you can text chat back and forth. After exchanging some pleasantries about the weather, you can suggest trying voice or video. You have two green buttons, one labeled Video Call, and one labelled Call. It is always a good idea to ask first if the other person is willing to go to voice or to video. That gives them a chance to put some clothes on, or at least comb their hair a bit. One-sided video works too. You can still use the voice part, if you are just getting dressed or simply not in the mood for showing your face. Once you are connected to somebody, you see them in a large window, with yourself in a small window in a bottom corner. That shows you whether you are too close or too far away. You can stretch or shrink the large window, so that you can have other stuff open beside it. And you also have a strip for text chat at the bottom. On that strip you can paste hard to spell text, Web links, even entire articles from a web site. And all that, while you are communicating, as if the other person was across the table from you. Another thing to keep in mind is duration. Just like it is polite to ask first, if somebody wants to do a video chat, try not to keep them too long. While it is quite OK to continue working while on voice or text chat, video chat sidetracks a person too much. It is much better to keep it short and make a date for the next chat. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My husband went on a sudden business trip, and I accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put us up for the night in a luxury hotel. We found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items. Finally we entered the lobby of the hotel, each of us toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked us over. Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Matching luggage?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Pet Blankets from Recycled T-Shirts A great way to use T-shirts that are no longer wearable is to make a pet blanket or throw. Just cut the center out of the T-shirt and sew each square together. Fold the outside edges under to hem. You can donate these to a local pet shelter. They can use them for bedding, drying animals, or most anything. This recycling idea keeps those T-shirts out of the landfills, and also helps much deserving animals. By Bittyfrog from Tupelo, MS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami Beach, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, "Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?" Abe says, "Do I care?" A few minutes later Shirley says, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?" Abe says, "Who cares?" A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, "Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?" Abe says, "Shirley, I really don't care what you wear, but if you don't get your big butt in gear, we're going to miss the Early Bird Special."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Gina While on vacation with my son and his family, I shared a room with my 4 year old granddaughter. One morning when she awoke, she told me she had some nice dreams and proceeded to tell me about them. I told her I wished that I was able to dream like she does. She said, "But you can't, grandma, because you snore too much."
Whoosh, Blink and its gone


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Currently best Instant Messenger for business 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 18

Who was responsible for getting the USA, and most of the world,
to use Alternating Current, instead of Direct Current?
1) Benjamin Franklin
2) Thomas Edison (General Electric)
3) George Westinghouse (Westinghouse Electric)

Tesla invented all major types of AC motors when he 
was still in Serbia, before he came to America. He briefly
worked for Edison but soon got fired. Later, when he found 
out, that Westinghouse did not like Edison either, he gave 
all his motor patents to Westinghouse. 

It was Westinghouse, who fought for AC and made it popular 
enough to win, while Tesla sat back and pouted, 
and tinkered with his showy lightning coil. 

Edison fought against AC quite frantically and hysterically, 
and almost succeded in bankrupting Westinghouse, but in
the end,  Westinghouse won. 

Today's Question:
Are there any trains still using DC, and if so,
in what country are they?

Today in 
64 Great Fire of Rome begins (Nero didn't fiddle) 
390 -BC- Battle of Allia-Gauls inflict heavy casualties on Romans
1536 Pope's authority declared void in England
1716 Jews are expelled from Brussels Belgium
1853 1st train to cross the US-Canada boundary, 
   Portland, Me.-Montral, PQ 
1872 Britain introduces secret ballot voting 
1918 US & French forces launch Aisne-Marne offensive in WW I 
1936 Spanish Civil War began, Gen Francisco Franco led uprising 
1938 Douglas "Wrong Way" Corrigan arrives in Ireland-left NY for Calif 
1940 1st successful helicopter flight, Stratford, Ct 
1942 Messerschmitt Me 262 Schwalbe, 1st jet fighter, takes 1st flight 
1955 1st electric power generated from atomic energy sold commercially 
1968 Intel incorporates 
1980 Rohini 1, 1st Indian satellite, launches into orbit 
1986 Videotapes released showing Titanic's sunken remains
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair." --- George Burns "Time is the only critic without ambition." --- John Steinbeck
>From Bryan My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
After reading the complicated instructions for the automatic teller, the confused customer walked over to a bank officer. "Excused me," said the customer, "but I was wondering if you could help me out." "Certainly," smiled the officer. "Go right through that door."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacqueline Alexandra Rivera, 18, Redwood City, California Charged With Attempting To Set Boyfriend On Fire After She Suspected Him Of Cheating Jacqueline Alexandra Rivera, an 18-year-old California bonehead, was jailed after she allegedly broke into her boyfriend's house and attempted to set him on fire. According to police, Rivera became angry when she suspected that her 21-year-old boyfriend had cheated on her. In retaliation, Rivera allegedly broke into her boyfriend's home at around 3 a.m., entered his room and set his mattress on fire. The boyfriend, who was asleep on the bed, woke up screaming as his father rushed in to put the fire out with a garden hose. Investigators say Rivera doused the boyfriend's mattress with gasoline before setting it ablaze. The victim suffered minor burns to his hands and arms as a result. Rivera fled the scene before police arrived, however she reportedly showed up later the same day to talk to her boyfriend "about their relationship." Rivera was booked into jail and charged with attempted murder, arson and residential burglary.
Tech Support Pits: From: James Re: Best instant messenger Dear Webby What is the best Instant Messenger for work purposes? James Dear James There is nothing around today, that gets close to PowWow from the early 90's, and many of us still miss it. Nowadays the best is definitely Skype. It has gotten expensive for calling and for conference video since Microsoft bought it for $8 Billion, to keep it away from Google. They will never make back those 8 Billion dollars, but they sure are trying! With their revamp of Office for 2013 and W8, which has Office focused on on-line services and on-line storage, at Microsoft, of course, Skype is firmly integrated not only for communication but also for file transfer. That is more or less what many of us have been doing with Skype for a dozen years. Skype does not always use the proper and officially sanctioned routes, but hop-skips-and jumps via idle modems without messing with the computers, that they are attached to. For example, a friend way up in the hills above lake Isabella in California is using a Verizon Air-Card to get on-line. Quite often that is too slow for web pages to load. So she skypes me the URL, I fetch the form or page, that she needs, and file transfer it to her via Skype. Or Dianne, the lady, who sends me the Bonus Links. Whenever Telus, her ISP, got the mail messed up, she skypes me and I send the mail for her. Skype always gets through. Video chat with Skype is also quite good and reliable. Just make sure every participant, who uses speakers instead of a head set, puts the microphone further away than the speakers. Skype prevents feedback howl, but voice quality suffers if it has to fight feedback and echo. Skype messages are securely encrypted, so there is nothing to worry about regarding security. Calling land line phones has been mastered by Skype ten years ago and is still fine, just slightly more expensive since Microsoft bought Skype. It is now 2 Euro cents, about 3 US cents, per minute. However, calling between Skype users is still free, and voice quality is fine. And you still got the text window for pasting or copying critical text. Have FUN! DearWebby
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I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting, so I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Coffee Grounds for Your Garden at Starbucks Used coffee grounds are a great, free fertilizer in your garden. Roses and acid-loving plants love it. Starbucks will give them to you for free! By lindal from Vista, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Thanks to Dianne for this classic: Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, the plumber, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George and his crew of plumbers apprentices quietly parked their pickup trucks in front of Mildred's house............. and left them there all night.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Groan Alert! Mother Lion and Father Lion had gone off hunting, and had told their two children not to wander away. However, a couple of small gnus wandered by, and the baby lions could not resist the temptation to try out their own hunting skills. They ran out, chased after the gnus, killed them, and started eating them. Just as the baby lions were reaching the end of their meal, the parents appeared in the distance. One of the baby lions turned to the other, and said: "That is the end of the gnus. Here again are the head lions."
Got Gas


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A Couple Of Jokes 

It was Elroy's first day in second grade.

When he came home his mama asks him how school was...

"How was school my boy?"

"It was nice mama - the teacher asked me to draw a cat and when I did she give me a gold star - is it because I am Black?"

"No Elroy - its because you are so clever"

Next day Elroy comes home and mama asks him how school was...

"How was school Elroy?"

"The teacher asked me to draw a dog - and when I did she gave me a gold star - Is it because I am black?"

"No Elroy - it is because you are so clever"

Third day - Elroy comes home from school

"How was school Elroy?"

"Mama - I am confused, today we were changing for sports. All the white boys have these little pee pees and I have this huge schlong - is it because I am black?

"No Elroy - it is because you are twenty-one"





One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard.

"How did you spend your life on earth my son?" asked Jesus.

"I was a simple carpenter for sixty years" replied the old man.

"And what do you hope to find here in heaven" asked Jesus.

"I hope to find my son" said the man

"Well there are millions upon millions of people here, how will you find him?"

"I'll recognize him by the nail holes in his hands and feet," states the old man.

Jesus does a double take, thinks for a moment and says,

"Father???"

The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinocchio?"




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Political Quotes 

It is what we prevent, rather than what we do that counts most in Government.
- Mackenzie King,1874 - 1950

A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against its government.
- Edward Abbey,1927 - 1989

I do not believe in democracy, but I am perfectly willing to admit that it provides the only really amusing form of government ever endured by mankind.
- Henry Louis Mencken, 1880 - 1956

Government remains the paramount area of folly because it is there that men seek power over others only to lose it over themselves.
- Barbara W. Tuchman, 1912 - 1989

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home.
- Winston Churchill, 1874 - 1965

No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works.
- P. J. O'Rourke




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Replacement batteries 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 17

La Paz Bolivia....1548  ... I like this and also the 
opinions and stories you put in before the funnies.
Nanny, USA

No contest on which city was founded first. La Paz in 1548. 
The others are relatively new, only dating back to the mid 1700s
Tom W

Webby, Just went out to get the morning paper and right 
there in the east was the moon and then Mars and then Venus. 
Check it out and if you miss it today, look for it tomorrow.
 O'sure

Who was responsible for getting the USA, and most of the world,
to use Alternating Current, instead of Direct Current?
1) Benjamin Franklin
2) Thomas Edison (General Electric)
3) George Westinghouse (Westinghouse Electric)

Today in 
1549 Jews are expelled from Ghent Belgium 
1841 British humor magazine "Punch" 1st published 
1861 Congress authorizes paper money
1862 US army authorized to accept blacks as laborers 
1879 1st railroad opens in Hawaii 
1897 1st ship arrives in Seattle carrying gold from the Yukon
1898 Spanish American War-Spaniads surrender to US 
   at Santiago Cuba
1917 British Royal family changes its name 
   from Hanover to Windsor
1938 Douglas (Wrong Way) Corrigan leaves NY for LA, 
   wound up in Ireland 
1955 Arco, Idaho becomes 1st US city lit by nuclear power 
1959 Tibet abolishes serfdom
1962 Senate rejects medicare for the aged
1968 Revolt in Iraq
1974 John Lennon is ordered to leave the US in 60 days 
1988 103 F (39 C) Highest temp ever  in San Francisco, 
1990 Hussein Sadat claims Kuwait stole oil from Iraq 
1990 Minn Twins become 1st team to turn 2 triple plays in a game 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen." --- Ben Stein
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Traci Storie, 37, in Union, MO Teacher Jailed After having Sex With 13 Year Old Student Traci Storie, a 37-year-old middle school teacher has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 13-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched in February after investigators received information that Storie had engaged in a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old boy. Investigators say the alleged relationship took place after school hours and off school property. At one point in the investigation, Storie communicated with an adult witness who had been interviewed in connection to the case. An additional witness tampering charge was added as a result. Storie is currently on paid administrative leave while the investigation continues. She was booked into the Franklin County Jail and charged with two counts of statutory sodomy and one count of witness tampering. She was released after posting $25,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Battery for tablet Hi Webby glad your health is doing good. Got a battery question I always read not to mix batteries But I want to make up a battery pack for my tablet it has lithium 9v recg. batteries in it. The tablet is really nice but the battery life is junk. I want to use 9v rechargeable batts. in a pack and plug it in. Will the nicad or nickel batteries harm the unit., I will charge them separately. I just don't want to mix the kind of batteries and blow it up. Thanks as always Ron P Dear Ron Since I don't know what brand you got, I am not going to guess. Go to Batteries.com and let their techs figure out what kind of battery would be your best deal. Most likely they have some batteries that will not only work, but will fit right in. You can also write to sales@batteries.com or call 1-888-288-6500 To get 20% off laptop batteries use promo code FRWK12 They have a price match guarantee and free shipping. What more could you ask for? And yes, they do accept PayPal. Let me know about your experience with them. So far all reports have been very positive. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman went into a bank to get a check cashed, but she didn't have an account with them. When the teller asked for some identification, the woman showed her several charge cards, her social security card and a library card. The teller told her they needed a driver's license, but the woman said she didn't have one. "Don't you have anything with your picture on it?" the teller asked. "Oh, sure," she said, as she flipped to a family photo in her wallet. "That's me in the back row."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Nail Polish to Identify Keys Use brightly colored nail polish as a frugal way to distinguish one or two of your most needed keys on your keyring. By Teresa from Vine Grove, KY Filing one, two or three notches into the back (handle part) of a key lasts much longer, and lets you sort out your keys while still in your pocket. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Alternative Names For Cubicles Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat Slack-In-The-Box Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club Peon Palazzo Yuppie Terrarium The SnackFood Triangle English Majors Entry Point Luxury Manhattan Apartment. Picasso's Folly Porn Downloading Headquarters Fortress of Servitude Fartorium Keyboard test lab Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?" "Yes." "I want you to send somebody over right away." "What's wrong?" "There's a horrid magazine salesman sitting in a tree teasing my poor little doggie."
Got Gas


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Norton blocks subscriptions 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 16

Dear Webby, Great question!  What is not to like about ice 
cream!  Ronald Reagan designated July as National Ice 
Cream Month in 1984. He also named the third Sunday 
in July as National Ice Cream Day. 
Carol
Also correct answers by Tom and Virginia

Today's question is easy:
Which of these towns was first founded?
Washington DC,
La Paz Bolivia
San Diego, California

Today in 
463 Start of Lunar Cycle of Hilarius 
622 Origin of the Islamic Era (Muharram 1, 1 AH) 
1212 Battle of Las Navas de Tolosa; end of Moslem power in Spain 
1439 Kissing is banned in England 
1894 Many negro miners in Alabama killed by striking white miners
1920 Gen Amos Fries appointed 1st US army chemical warfare chief 
1941 100 F (38 C) highest temperature ever recorded in Seattle Wash
1945 1st atomic bomb detonated, Trinity Site, Alamogordo, New Mexico 
1960 205,000 see Brazil-Uruguay World Cup soccer
1990 NYC's Empire State Building catches fire-No fatalities 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. --- Terry Pratchett "In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you." --- Deepak Chopra Like Beetle Bailey? "Mind Over Mattress"
Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot so we can come here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the side of the boat." The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the same boat today?"
came home from school and mentioned evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that evolution was nonsense. "You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled, "But I sure didn't!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Christina Das, 19, Rochester, NY Naked Woman Climbs 25 Foot Pole, Breaks Ankles And Wrist During Fall Christina Das, a 19-year-old Rochester bonehead was injured Sunday after she allegedly stripped naked, climbed up a 25-foot pole, and then stepped off. According to State Parks police, officers were dispatched to the Victoria Mall parking area after receiving a 911 call about a naked woman who was climbing a temporary light pole near the park's pool. Investigators say officers arrived on the scene in time to watch the woman "step off" the pole and fall to the ground. The woman sustained a broken wrist and two broken ankles from the fall. Das was taken to a local hospital where she is listed to be in stable condition. She appeared to be under the influence of a substance that is yet to be identified, according to police spokesperson, Sally Drake. If she or somebody pays her hospital bill, she will probably not be charged, since the incident happened near a Phish concert, and some weird behavior is expected.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Norton blocks Humor Letter Dear Webby, I have Norton Antispam and it is deleting your Letter. I would complain to Norton but I don't know how. John Dear John Norton Antispam is rather primitive, and it treats anything with HTML in it as spam. You'll have to white-list your subscriptions like the Humor Letter or newsletters like the ones from computer magazines such as PC-World, PC-Magazine, etc. I used to recommend Norton from 1985 up to around 2000, but not with Windows XP or W7. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide and hit his head. Worried that he might have a concussion, she checked him all night. Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?" Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered the room. When Sally went in at 5:00 A.M., she found something white on his forehead. Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to his forehead. It read: "My name is Daniel." ---------------- I sympathize with Daniel! When sadistic nurses aides with icy hands come around every hour and write a line on the sole of one foot with a fine point ball pen, and the time and their initial on the sole of the other foot, by 5 am I feel like kicking!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Bobby Pins in a Paper Clip Holder If you are tired of bobby pins being scattered throughout the house, try out this tip. Purchase an inexpensive magnetic paperclip holder and keep your pins in there. This will help keep the vacuum cleaner from finding them, and will help save your budget for not having to buy bobby pins so often. By JSRP from Lincoln, NE I take a single light sock, if it's mate has developed holes, and fold it inside, so that it is a tight and compact ball, and a perfect pin cushion. When I need a pin, I can grab one without poking a hole into a finger. Have Fun! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th. "I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."
Got Gas


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What is the best type of microphone? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 14

Thank YOU, Gordon!!

Looks like a cloudy no-mow weekend and a chance to catch
up on inside cleaning, maybe even a bit of shopping.
I'm sure it will get nice and sunny right after the weekend,

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1410 Poland & Lithuania defeat Teutonic Knights at Tannenberg 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte captured 
1869 Margarine is patented in Paris, for use by French Navy 
1870 Hudson's Bay & Northwest Territories transferred to Canada
1888 Bandai volcano (Japan) erupts for 1st time in 1,000 years 
1916 22" of rain falls in Altapass NC 
1937 Japanese attack Marco Polo Bridge, invade China 
1940 1st betatron placed in operation, Urbana, Ill 
1941 Florey & Heatley present freeze dried mold cultures (Pencillin) 
1958 Pres Eisenhower sends US troops to Lebanon
1975 Soyuz 19 & Apollo 18 launched; rendezvous 2 days later 
1991 US troops leave northern Iraq 
2012  smiled

This month was named National Ice Cream month 
in the U.S. by what president?
Obama
Bush
Clinton
Reagan
Nixon
JFK
Roosevelt

Answer tomorrow

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. --- Charles Baudelaire
>From Mick No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up and over, accidentally kicked her right in the head.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nicole Campbell, a 34-year-old New York Bonehead Half Naked Woman Goes On Bath Salt Rampage, Threatens Deputies With Golf Club Nicole Campbell, a 34-year-old New York woman was jailed Thursday after she allegedly stripped half-naked and went on a bath salt induced rampage at her New York home. According to the Madison County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Campbell's residence after neighbors called to report that she had trespassed on their property. Deputies arrived to find a half-naked Campbell in her back yard screaming and hurling obscenities. A large number of household items had been thrown out into the yard, several windows were smashed and the interior of her home was in disarray. When deputies attempted to speak with Campbell, she picked up a golf club and threatened to strike them with it. Later, when deputies were talking to a minor inside the residence, Campbell picked up a knife and threw it at them. When deputies attempted to take Campbell into custody, she kicked and fought with them. Campbell was eventually subdued and removed from the property. After interviewing witnesses, detectives believe Campbell was high on bath salts during the incident. Campbell was booked into the Madison County Jail and charged with obstructing government administration, resisting arrest, reckless endangerment, harassment and endangering the welfare of a child. Her bond has been set at $20,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Britta Re: What is the best microphone type? Dear Webby, I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it. What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek, front boom, or lapel? Dear Britta Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom, but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real nuisance. Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike pinned to your front. Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades, yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room. Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems, because they allow you to be farther away and have a wider focus. If you use a stationary mike, position it far away, drfinitely further away than your speakers. Even a boom mike from an old head set will produce very good voice quality, if it is about 5 feet away, and three feet behind the speakers. Front boom mikes can be worst, especially if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with "chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by "t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the microphone from a head set in their hand and waves it in front of them, as they talk with their hands. If you use a front-boom mike, position it so that it is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel, Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and select microphone boost. With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty of volume, and fairly good sound quality. The only microphone, that should be close to your lips, is a dynamic microphone, the big, bulky microphones used on stage, to hide the fact, that the artist is only lip-syncing to a studio recording of somebody else. Never use one of those for regular, every-day use. Those HAVE to be close to your lips, and turning your head even a little bit puts you out of it's focus. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Sue One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus. The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect. "The head is too big," the professor explained. "The neck is too thin, the shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a carricature. We do that next semster." The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Bobby Pins in a Paper Clip Holder If you are tired of bobby pins being scattered throughout the house, try out this tip. Purchase an inexpensive magnetic paperclip holder and keep your pins in there. This will help keep the vacuum cleaner from finding them, and will help save your budget for not having to buy bobby pins so often. By JSRP from Lincoln, NE I take a single sock, if it's mate has developed holes, and fold it inside, so that it is a tight and compact ball, and a perfect pin cushion. When I need a pin, I can grab one without poking a hole into a finger. Have Fun! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

A Pastor was called to a local nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?" The old man replied, "Nope." "Is she a good Christian woman?" "I don't know for sure," the old man answered. "Does she have lots of money?" asked the pastor. "I doubt it." "Then why are you marrying her?" the preacher asked. "Cause she can drive at night," the old man said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that the store would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom."
All Aboard!


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Green Death 

You must read this!!! http://directorblue.blogspot.ca/2009/03 ... green.html





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Can you avoid getting blocked from friending on FaceBook? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 14

Thanks, John!


Did you notice two copies of the Humor Letter?
I sent it again, because mine did not arrive.
Then the second copy did not arrive either.
All the "Ou* of the *ffice" jokes got it dumped right on the server.
Since I am really not interested in who is not at work at the
late hour, when I send the Humor Letter out, I have for many
years filtered all those automatic nuisance letters. I have to
be careful here how I am wording things to avoid a repeat 
of that! Probably many of you do the same thing.

>From Chuck
What's with those record temperatures every day?
1936 112 F (44 C), Mio, Michigan
1936 114 F (46 C), Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin
Just because it was hotter in the 30's or whenever, that
does not mean we don't have man made global warming.
The global warming just causes cooling in the weather,
because the climate is getting hotter. 

And besides, in those days people did not have Air Conditioning
like we do now to cool everything off. Without the billions of 
airconditioning units the weather would be just as hot as 
it was during the 30's.
Chuck


Is that AlGorian logic?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1714 Battle of Aland, Russian fleet overpowers larger Swedish fleet 
1789 Bastille in Paris, France stormed. Official start of French Revolution
1798 1st direct federal tax on the states-on dwellings, land & slaves 
1798 Sedition Act prohibits "false, scandalous & malicious" writing
   against US govt. Any comments about Obama fall under that law. 
1832 Opium exempted from federal tariff duty
1850 1st public demonstration of ice made by refrigeration 
1865 1st ascent of Matterhorn
1914 1st patent for liquid-fueled rocket design granted (Dr R Goddard) 
1934 116 F (47 C), Orogrande, New Mexico
1936 116 F (47 C), Collegeville, Indiana
1954 117 F (47 C), East St. Louis, Illinois
1954 118 F (48 C), Warsaw & Union, Missouri
1959 1st atomic powered cruiser, the Long Beach
1967 Surveyor 4 launched to Moon; explodes just before landing 
    Shot don by aliens, when it got too close to their still ?
1987 Taiwan ends 37 years of martial law 
1988 200,000 demonstrate in Soviet Armenia for incorp 
    of Nagorno-Karabak 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology. --- Rebecca West
>From Barb I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

Elaine called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Thomas Molina, a 38-year-old Albuquerque, NM Bonehead Nabbed By Window Blinds During Burglary Thomas Molina, a 38-year-old Albuquerque bonehead was jailed Sunday after he allegedly broke into a community college, but got tangled in window blinds when he attempted to flee the scene. According to Albuquerque Police, officers were dispatched after receiving a call that someone was attempting to break into the Central New Mexico Community College. Arriving officers spotted the suspect, later identified as Molina, as he was trying to flee. Investigators say while Molina was trying to climb out a window, he became entangled in the blinds and was unable to escape. When detectives questioned him, he stated that he was looking for computer hardware. Molina was booked into jail and charged with burglary and breaking and entering. He is currently being held in lieu of a $10,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Charles Re: How do you avoid getting your Friend requests blocked on FB? Dear Webby, Enough with the bats and the brainey stuff! Come back to earth! How do I avoid getting my Friend requests blocked on FB? I don't like their snooty attitude, implying that I sent Friend Requests to people I don't know. That apparently is forbidden, unless one claims to be female. But I am just sending Friend requests to friends and people I have worked with. People with tens of thousands of "friends" obviously don't know 99% of them, so why am I treated so critically whenI just try to connect with people I know? Charles Dear Charles Simmer down! Keep in mind that FaceBook is run like a sandbox kingdom for widdle girls, including all the girlie intrigues. If you are trying to connect with a co-worker, whose brand new foamies you failed to notice and give a complimentary stare 30 years ago, forget it! She can get you into the block with one click! Procrastinators are just as bad. If you send friend requests, that are not answered within a certain (secret) time limit, then the widdle girles that manage FaceBook put you into the block. Apparently you also get treated more critically, if you don't spend time and money on the games and apps. So just relax, and remember, the whole thing is not really serious. It's just a charade, with people hiding behind a mask and refusing to be responsible enough to show their real email address. Also, keep in mind that FaceBook is NOT intended for business use. It is for socializing with friends, and for old girls to flood you with requests to play online games like Farmville and Zynga and stuff like that with them. If you want something serious, open a web site and put a blog on it! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Paper Clip to Mark Tape End To keep from losing the end of postage tape, place a paper clip on the sticky side of the tape just below where you are making the cut. Store the tape with the paper clip, and you are ready to go next time you need to use the tape. The paper clip is easy to pull off and thick enough to keep from losing the end of the tape. By Hate Litter from NC I think she means packing tape. Pistol grip tape guns or tape dispensers are cheap and often included free, if you buy ten rolls of 1 1/2" or 2" packing tape, and you will never wear one out. They sure make taping up boxes or taping shipping labels onto them a breeze. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

>From Caina Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bob One day while driving with my 4-year-old daughter I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me for an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, 'cause you didn't yell 'BIMBO!' afterward!"
Budweiser Clydes


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Bat to count all files of a specified year on a specified drive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



For Dianne and all those of you, who got hit with the Babylon 
tool bar and/or search engine, there are good removal 
instructions here: 
http://support.mozilla.org/en-US/questions/773310

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
432 -BC- Origin of Metonic Cycle 
1568 Dean of St Paul's Cathedral perfects a way to bottle beer 
1832 Source of Mississippi River discovered
1854 US forces shell & burn San Juan del Norte, Nicaragua
1863 Anti-draft mobs lynch blacks in NYC; about 1,000 die 
1868 Oscar J Dunn, former slave, installed as lt governor of Louisiana
1898 Guglielmo Marconi patents the radio
1919 Race riots in Longview & Gregg counties Texas 
1936 112 F (44 C), Mio, Michigan
1936 114 F (46 C), Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin
1967 Race riots break out in Newark, 27 die
1978 Lee Iacocca fired as Ford Motor Pres by chairman Henry Ford II 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"There's an old saying, 'Neurotics build castles in the air and psychotics live in them.' My mother cleans them." --- Rita Rudner "Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac." --- George Carlin
Thanks to Dianne for these Out Of Office messages: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 7. I've run away to join a different circus. 8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ' Margaret ' instead of 'Jay'. 9. I am currently out of the office. Well, not really. But with the amount of mail I get, this is the only way to deal with it. You can interprete my quick and timely response to your question as a "Definite Maybe". 10. I am currently attending a midlle management seminar on office safety. Come and join us! It's at Joe's Bar and Grill down the street.
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when a rough-looking little kid stopped him and asked, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The gentleman carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my butt!" With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He had not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running to like a maniac?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his butt!" "So what's your hurry," said the friend, looking at his own watch. "You still have twelve minutes."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tanyech Walford, 43 in Silver Spring, a Washington, D.C. suburb. Doctor Attacked Mailman For Spraying Dog A female physician was named today in a felony complaint accusing her of assaulting a letter carrier who pepper-sprayed her pit bull when the dog attacked him as he delivered mail last month on a leafy Maryland street. Tanyech Walford, 43, was charged in a criminal complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Greenbelt. Pictured at right, Walford is a resident of Silver Spring, the Washington, D.C. suburb. According to an affidavit sworn by Postal Inspector Michel Belz, a letter carrier identified only by the initials D.R. was delivering mail to Walfords home on Whitmoor Terrace when he was approached aggressively by a loose pit-bull mix canine. After failing to ward the dog off via verbal commands and the use of his satchel, the mailman deployed his Postal Service-issued pepper spray, Belz reported. Despite being sprayed in the face, the dog continued to advance, prompting D.R. to spray the animal a second time. This time the dog retreated and D.R said he continued to deliver the mail on Whitmoor Terrace, added Belz. While later parked in front of 113 Whitmoor Terrace, D.R. was confronted by Walford, who drove up in her Nissan SUV. She walked up to the mailman and repeatedly made references to him attacking her dog. After asking D.R. if he had pepper-sprayed her pit-bull, Walford attacked him and began to punch him several times about his head, neck and face. The assault, which lasted between 15 and 20 seconds and was broken up by a neighbor, left D.R. with scratches on his neck and face and a bruised lip. She is to appear in the courthouse in Greenbelt, Maryland, where the felony complaint was filed.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: How do you make a bat to count the files of a certain year on a drive? Dear Webby, Well, I DO have bats in the attic. So how do I make a bat, that counts the files with a date from a certain year? Alice Dear Alice Unless you hardwire in the date, and make a separate bat for each year, you can not do that with a shortcut icon. The bat would not know which year you mean. It is no problem, though, to run the bat from the command line. There is even a sneaky way to get the command line, without having to open a DOS window first. We will get to that in a bit. First let's write the bat. Open a text file with any clean text editor. Save the file as countfiles.bat to C:\Windows Then type or paste this into the file: __________________ @echo off color 9e echo: usage: countfiles driveletter year (yyyy) echo for example: echo countfiles d 2010 dir /s /T:c "%1":\ |find /c "%2" echo Finished counting pause __________________ Save that to C:\Windows Now we get to the sneaky part! Click on START at the bottom you will see an input field with a magnifying glass beside it, and "Search Programs and Files" written in it. It is not documented or admitted by Microsoft, but you can use that as the command line! type into it countfiles d 2010 and hit ENTER It will pop open a small blue window, show you the usage instructions, that you so diligently pasted into the bat, and then just quietly count all the files from year 2010 on drive D: If you have 120,000 files on the DVD, that may take a while. When done it will show that number, and dare you to hit the ANY key. When you do, it goes away. Instead of the year, you can also type in a file extension. For example, if you want to see how many WAV files you got on drive E:, then you type countfiles e wav it will quietly search all folders and subdirectories on drive E: and give you that number. This bat is quite a powerful tool for those, who occasionally sort out the files they have. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Ann It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids...."
Budweiser Clydes


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How to write a bat to count files on a drive 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
100 BC Julius Cesar was born
1290 Jews are expelled from England by order of King Edward I 
1812 US forces led by Gen Hull invade Canada (War of 1812) 
1859 Paper bag manufacturing machine patented by William Goodale, Mass 
1900 114 F (46 C), Basin, Wyoming
1909 16th Amendment approved (power to tax incomes) 
1928 1st televised tennis match 
1948 1st jets to fly across the Atlantic (6 RAF de Havilland Vampires) 
1951 Mob tries to keep black family from moving into all-white Cicero Ill 
1957 1st President to fly in helicopter-Dwight Eisenhower
1960 Echo I, 1st American satellite launched 
1960 USSR's Sputnik 5 launched with 2 dogs 
1962 1st time 2 manned crafts in space (USSR) 
1966 Most rain fell in 1 day in Ohio, 10.5" in Sandusky
1966 Race riot in Chicago
1967 23 die in Newark race rebellion
1967 Blacks in Newark, riot, 26 killed, 1500 injured & over 1000 arrested
1988 USSR launches Phobos II for Martian orbit 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy One man's folly is another man's wife. --- Helen Rowland Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. --- Bradley's Bromide
Bill and Doug went into a diner in Chicago, that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus. "No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee." "I'll have black coffee too," Bill said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail." The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?" "Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench." The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he whispered, "She also stole a can of peas."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture by her friend Brenda Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mary Corley, 42, in Butte, Montana Jailed After Driving Drunk, Wrecking Car, Fleeing Naked Into Traffic Mary Corley, a 42-year-old Butte woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly drove intoxicated before wrecking her boyfriend's car and then attempting to flee naked into traffic. According to Anaconda police, Corley was stopped by officers just west of Opportunity after she reportedly wrecked her boyfriend's car. When deputies approached the vehicle, officers could see that she was naked behind the wheel. Corley then attempted to flee the scene by running naked into traffic. Corley was booked into jail and charged with DWI and two counts of disorderly conduct. She was released after posting $1,055 bond and is scheduled to appear in court on November 5th.
Tech Support Pits: From: Perry Re: How do you make a bat to count the files on a drive? Dear Webby, You mentioned bats again, as if they were something simple and commonplace. Do I have bats in the attic, or did I miss a grade? How do I make a "BAT" to do that, without typing that long command each time? Perry Dear Perry Open a text file with any clean text editor. Save the file as fcd.bat to count the files on drive D: or whatever name you want, but make sure the extension is .bat Some editors, like Windows NotePad try to sneak .txt extension after whatever extension you had specified. In the file write or paste what you see between the lines: __________________ @echo off color 9e dir /s /T:c D:\ |find /c ":" pause exit __________________ Save that to the c:\windows folder, make a shortcut to it, and drag it onto the desktop. That's all there is to it. If you are interested abut what those commands do: Color 9e changes the scary grey on black to a more readable yellow on blue. You can, of course use any other color combo. dir /s tells it to search all included subdirectories too /T:c specifies that it use a certain format, that has one : per line The | pipe tells it to use the result of that as the input of the next command instead of cluttering up the screen. After the pipe we use the FIND command, but only count the lines, in which it finds whatever you specify between the quotes. If you wanted to count the files, that have a 2010 date, you would put 2010 between the quotes. Do you see the power of this little bat now? The pause command pauses the display and asks you to hit any key, after you have seen the results. That is what all the old jokes about "Where is the Any Key?" are about. As soon as you hit any key, that window closes and goes away. The program is gone and does not take or reserve any memory or resources of any kind. It exits cleanly. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat. The women just won't leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the left." After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car - you or your mother?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pills From Sweaters Remove fuzz balls from sweaters with a shaver. Go over the surface slowly and carefully with a disposable razor. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

An Arkansas mountain man made the long walk into town one fateful Saturday afternoon carrying a jug of homemade moon- shine in one hand and a shotgun in the other. He stopped a poor, unfortunate fellow on the street, saying to him, "Here friend, take a drink outta my jug. I made this maself!" The man protested, saying he couldn't possibly bring himself to drink homemade moonshine. But the mountain man leveled his shotgun at the stranger and commanded, "Drink!" The stranger took a swallow, and immediately shuddered, shook, shivered and coughed. "Have mercy!" he finally cried. "That's awful stuff you've got there." "Ain't it, though?" replied the mountain man. "Now, you hold the gun on me while I take a swig."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Iraqi spies met in a busy restaurant in Los Angeles after they had successfully slipped into the U.S. The first spy starts speaking in Arabic. The second spy shushes him quickly and whispers: "Don't blow our cover. You're in America now. Speak Spanglish!"
Mini Equines


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How to count all files on a drive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 11

The election time spamming has started. Some morons seem to
think I would be vulnerable to expertly crafted brainwash like
certain people produced during the last election to convince
the sheeple.

Blaming everything on Bush is a bit silly at this time. He 
may have been a country bumpkin, but at least he was sincere.
Why not blame everything on Reagan, or maybe Eisenhower?

I am not getting into politics, but I sure get my MailWasher
actively involved. Between now and the election, try to keep
phrases used by the brainwashers out of your emails.
MailWasher will dump those mails right on the server.

Quoting the sheeple herders will dump mail just as quickly
as if it was their spam. 

Keep in mind, I am not the only one allergic to brainwash 
and averse to spam. If you don't get answers to your emails, 
check to make sure you did not use certain phrases, that
are popular with the election spammers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1533 Pope Clement VII excommunicated England's King Henry VIII
1740 Jews are expelled from Russia by order of Czarina Anne 
1798 US Marine Corps created by an act of Congress 
1888 118 F (48 C), Bennett, Colorado (Gullible Warming?)  
1921 Mongolia gains independence from China
1955 Congress authorizes all US currency to say "In God We Trust"
1988 Mike Tyson hires Donald Trump as an advisor
1989 President Ronald Reagan sportscasts the All Star Game 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"It was hot today. Like 90 out. It was so hot here in Beverly Hills I saw a guy in a Porsche with his toupee down." --- Craig Ferguson Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art. --- Tom Stoppard You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (The corollary is: You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive!) Nah, to REALLY learn to cuss you have to mush sled dogs and haul firewood with them on steep creeks and rivers still mostly frozen over in early summer.
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture by her friend Brenda Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Myia Cole, 30, in Tulsa, OK Jailed After Baby In Car Seat Found Upside Down In Middle Of Road Myia Natrice Cole, a 30-year-old Tulsa woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly left her 11-month-old child in the middle of the street, face down in a car seat. According to Tulsa Police, Cole and the child's father, Clyde Jackson, reported the child missing around 9:30 p.m. When officers arrived at the scene, they found the parents to be extremely intoxicated, and unable to tell the officer where their child was last seen. Officers located a witness who claimed that she had picked Cole up earlier in the evening. The witness then directed officers to that location. When officers arrived at that location around midnight, they found a car seat lying face down in the middle of the street. When officers up-righted the car seat, they discovered that the child was still strapped inside. Investigators say the child was a mile and a half away from Cole's residence. The child had been sitting in the summer heat for nearly 3 hours and was dehydrated but otherwise unharmed. The child is now in the custody of the Department of Human Services. Jackson was not apprehended, but had just been released from jail on Friday in an unrelated case. Cole was booked into the Tulsa County Jail and charged with child endangerment. She is currently being held in lieu of a $25,000 bond. She also had active warrants for her arrest for failing to pay court costs totaling $7,965.34 in three other felony cases, including charges of possession of paraphernalia, failure to comply, and escape from a penal institution. She also had a warrant in regards to a misdemeanor public drunkenness. Most likely she had placed the baby into the car seat and placed the car seat onto the trunk or roof of the car, without the driver noticing it, and forgot about the baby.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: How do you count the files on a drive? Dear Webby, Is there a way to count all the files on my external USB drive? I don't see any way at all but you probably have some trick. Thanks Erin Dear Erin Yes, sure there is a trick, use DOS. That has worked long before Windows and still does. Click on START in the search field type cmd and hit ENTER. You will get a scary black screen with light grey writing. That is the raw command line, not sugar-coated or prettied up for gentle souls. If you want to get the number of files on the F: drive, type dir /s /T:c F:\ |find /c ":" and hit Enter. If you have a few Million files on the F: drive, nothing will happen for a while. It takes time to count all those files! Then suddenly, but very quietly, a number appears on the next line. That is the number of files plus folders on the F: drive. You don't have to wait for it and can continue doing other things on the computer. If you want just the files, but not the folders, type the same thing but use a period between the quotes. To get the number of folders, subtract the second number from the first. For a different drive, just use that drive's letter instead of the F By the way, DOS commands are not case sensitive, but spacing is critical. If you forget an empty space, where one is upposed to be, you will get totally different results, or none at all. You can copy from here, then jump into the DOS window, Right-click, and select PASTE. DOS is not really that scary, but very handy at times, when you want to go a bit further than what Windows allows. If you need that command often, put it into a bat and make a desktop shortcut to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Groan Alert: >From Mary This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monk! ------------------ Las Vegas still has all the pretty lights, but has been re-focused as a "Family Town", trying to compete with Disneyland and Disneyworld. City Hall is now controlled by the unions and the casino owners are simply outvoted. Forget all the jokes about hookers and brothels in Las Vegas. Those are "Once upon a time, long, lng ago..." Las Vegas got cleaned up and is safe to use for church conventions or to take grandparents and grandkids to, without having to worry about embarrassing questions.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Funnel as a String Dispenser For a handy way to have string at your fingertips, try this. Hang a cheap funnel as a dispenser, with the roll of twine or string in the top and the end running down through the spout. This is nice for a kitchen, basement, garage shop, or garden. Just keep a small knife handy to cut the twine or string. This will also keep you from having tangles and knots in the string or twine. It might even work for yarn for knitting or crocheting. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO A plastic screw top coffee can works even better. Pull the string from the center of a spool through a hole in the bottom of the can. The lid keeps string or wool clean. You can epoxy two replacement blades for those key-fob box cutters onto the side of the can, projecting downward below the bottom rim in an upside down "V" fashion. The "V" has to close a bit below the rim of the can. That way you can cut the string or wool one-handed. It gets trapped in the upside down "V" as you snap it up into the upside down "V", and does not slide. In addition to the ease of one-handed cutting, with your cutter being 3-4 inches away from the hole, the cut end does not snake back into the hole. You will be amazed how well this trick works! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

>From Minnie When I returned home from college for summer, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: "Send Minnie money every month." A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason." Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep." Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Tired of the inconvenience of driving from the airport to his country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next trip however, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual. Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this plane here without wheels!" The startled husband yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster. Continuing home, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there, visibly shaken, he said to his wife, "I don't know what on earth got into me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!" And with that, he opened the door and vaulted out... right into the water. ---------------- How do you take off from a paved airport with pontoons? When the pontoons are mounted for the summer, the plane is lifted onto a special trailer, that is hooked to a fast pick-up. Then pilot starts the plane and the truck takes off down the runway. With the plane more than taking care of the trailer, they soon reach enough speed for the plane to lift off the trailer. After trying to land on that trailer at the start of winter, and re-trying a dozen times, most plane owners opt for amphibious floats, that have small wheels built in.
The Moon


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Boneheads or not 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
552 Origin of Armenian calendar 
1866 Indelible pencil patented by Edson P Clark
1886 Eruption of Tarawera volcano destroys famous pink & white
    calcium carbonate hot-spring terraces (North Island, New Zealand) 
1923 All non-fascist parties disolved in Italy
1926 Lake Denmark, NJ arsenal explodes, kills 21, $75 M damage
1933 1st police radio system operated, Eastchester Township, NY 
1940 Battle of Britain began as Nazi forces attacked by air
1943 US & Britain invade Sicily in WW II 
1958 1st parking meter installed in England (625 installed) 
1962 Telstar, 1st geosynchronous communications satellite, launched 
1966 Orbiter 1 launched to Moon 
1973 Bahamas gain independence after 300 yrs of British rule (Nat'l Day) 
1981 CERN achieves 1st proton-antiproton beam collision (570 GeV) 
1985 Coca-Cola Co announces it will resume selling old formula Coke 
1985 French agents sink Greenpeace's Rainbow Warrior in New Zealand 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home." --- Gene Perret
A pastor went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but whenever he looked through the top portion of the glasses he got dizzy. He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems, then said, "I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses. You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we can sell at a profit. Mrs Beasly, please wake up your husband!"
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

A man's car breaks down right in front of a farm and he's trying to fix it when he hears a voice coming behind him, "You have water in the gas tank." The man turns around and all he sees is a cow from the farm. He goes back to his car and again the same voice says, "You have water in the gas tank." The man turns around again and he sees nothing and nobody except the cow, and the voice defintiely came from the cow, "You have water in the gas tank." The man is shocked so he knocks on the door of the farmer's house. When the farmer answers the door the man says, "The cow talked to me and said I had water in my gas tank. Can she talk?" The farmer replied, "Ignore her, that cow barely understands Diesel engines and doesn't have a clue about gas engines."
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Valerie Topete, 36, in Phoenix, AZ Mother fills toddler's cup with beer Valerie Marie Topete, a 36-year-old Phoenix resident was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly put beer in her 2-year-old son's sippy cup and allowed the toddler to drink up. According to the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office, officers were called to Peter Piper Pizza after a waitress reported that she saw Topete pour beer from a pitcher into a child's sippy cup, and the child drank from it. The mother then left the child alone at the table with the alcohol. When officers questioned Topete, she admitted to giving her son some beer because "he kept reaching for the pitcher." Topete initially denied that the child drank from the sippy cup but later agreed that the child "might have" consumed the alcohol. She was apprehended while the child was taken to a local hospital to be evaluated. The toddler was then released to his father who was elsewhere in the restaurant that day. Topete was booked into jail and charged with child abuse.
Tech Support Pits: From: Darla Re: Anti-Bonehed Awards Dear Webby, I love your newsletter but the Bonehead Awards are getting to be a bit much. Kinda hard to miss when scrolling thru the humor. Dear Darla Try Ophelia Dingbatter's News. Her jokes too are of a predominantly upbeat nature, albeit a bit raunchy at times. However, they are not negative or hateful or discriminatory. And she does not do Bonehead Awards. With the Humor letter, I have to keep the Bonehead awards. When I asked the subscribers a couple of months ago, whether to dump them or keep them, there was a huge storm of support in favor of keeping them. So, be a big spender, blow your heirs expected inheritance and spend $10 on a year of Ophelia Dingbatter's News.! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Audiobooks From The Library Listen to audiobooks! I get them for free from the public library and listen to them as I drive and when I go for my power walks. I "read" about 2-3 books weekly using this method. I have learned to speak Spanish and have learned a great deal about personal finances and investing, which I had no knowledge in. I also get magazines for free (old issues, of course) But they are all for free and I get ones that I would never subscribe to but really enjoy anyway. By George from Allentown, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

An elderly lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. "Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied. "Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This one is a classic. It is often told with names of countries or states subbed in instead of Engineers and Accountants. Three Engineers and three Accountants were traveling to a hockey game. The three Accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three Engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asks an Accountant. "Watch and you'll see," says an Engineer. They all board the train. The Accountants take their respective seats but all three Engineers cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please!" The door opens a crack, a single hand emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Accountants see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game they decide to copy the Engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment the Engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Accountant. "Watch and you'll see," replies an Engineer. When they board the train the three Accountants cram into a bathroom and the three Engineers cram into another bathroom nearby. Once the train leaves the station, one of the Engineers leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the Accountants are hiding, knocks on the door and calls out with an authoritative sounding voice: "Ticket please!"
ASCII Cats


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Why PDF? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 9
Thank you Leonard!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1595 Johannes Kepler inscribes geometric solid construction of universe
1816 Argentina declares independence from Spain
1853 Adm Perry & US Navy visit Japan 
1860 Temperature hits 115 F in Ft Scott & 
   112 F in Topeka Kansas 
1872 Doughnut cutter patented by John Blondel, Thomaston, Me 
1878 An improved corncob pipe patented by Henry Tibbe
1893 Daniel H Williams performs "world's 1st successful 
   heart coperation" 
1915 Germany surrenders South West Africa to 
   Union of South Africa
1917 British warship "Vanguard" explodes at 
   Scapa Flow killing 800
1951 Pres Truman asked Congress to formally end state of war 
   with Germany. Since then US troops pay rent in Germany.
1953 1st helicopter passenger service (NYC) 
1957 Discovery of element 102 (Nobelium) announced
1958 Giant splash caused by fall of 90 million tons of rock & ice
      into Lituya Bay, Alaska washes 1,800 feet up the mountain 
1978 Nearly 100,000 demonstrators march on Wash DC for ERA
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves." --- William Arthur Ward Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris
A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to The Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island. After touring the island the captain announced to the passengers that the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives." Morris turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge to the Yeshiva yet?" "No, Morris," she responds. Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?" "Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says. Now Morris laughs out loud. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month," he asks? "Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther. Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks Morris, So? What are you laughing about?" Morris answers confidently, "They'll find us."
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs this fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "I was just checking my pee-mail."
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

The woman was in labor in the delivery room with her husband at her side coaching her just the way he learned in the Lamaze class. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes." "Is it a girl or boy?" the husband asked excitedly. The doctor replied, "At this age it's too hard to tell by the ears."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Robert Casey, Fort Pierce, Florida Naked And Masturbating In Car, With Plastic Toy Gun In Anus Robert Casey, a 49-year-old Fort Pierce man was jailed Monday after he was allegedly caught naked and masturbating inside his car, with a plastic toy gun inserted into his anus. According to Fort Pierce Police, Casey was driving around the area in his Jeep Cherokee when a tow truck driver pulled up next to him and noticed that he was naked, and his hand was moving around on his genitals. The tow truck driver called police and reported the incident. When officers attempted to stop Casey, he took his time pulling over because he was attempting to get dressed. When Casey finally stopped, the officer searched him and found a plastic toy gun tied to his leg and genitals. Part of the toy had been inserted into his anus. When officer asked his why he was committing the lewd acts, he stated that he had problems with this and was currently receiving therapy. Casey was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail and charged with lewd and lascivious behavior.
Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby, I fail to see the justification for the PDF format. It seems to be just a nuisance and trying to force us to buy that silly Adobe program. Is there any other reason for it? Patricia Dear Patricia Once upon a time PCs and Macs and UNIX machines were not able to read each other's documents. That was made worse by proprietary word processing programs, like IBM's Display Write. PDF (Portable Document Format) allowed machines with different systmes to DISPLAY docs, that had been written on other systems. In addition to that, there arose the need to lock up quotes and contracts, so that nobody could change them after signing. PDF took cae of that by creating more or less a print job of the document, that could not be edited. It did not help that every printer manufacturer came up with a totally different way to encode a document for sending it to THEIR printer. That was easy with daisy-wheel printers, that just sent a code for each letter. Dot Matrix printers complicated it, and when color inkjet and lasers came out, it got really complicated. Postscript brought in some standards and PDF of course snapped them up and adapted to that. For many years that meant Adobe had a monopoly, and made insane amounts of money. Eventually, though, programs were developed, that could read the "print job" the same way as they could read scanned documents or pictrues with text on them. One of the earliest of those PDF crackers was PDF995, and that program became one of the cornerstones of Open Office. Nowadays many programs let you export to or save as PDF. Editing PDF files is not a big deal, unless somebody used a recent version of the ADOBE PDF creator program to lock it up. In that case, you may have to use the Online Converter, that Neil told us about yesterday, to convert the PDF file to Open Office ODT or Microsoft WORD DOC, edit it, and then save it as a PDF file again. Luckily, normally only big quotes and contracts get locked up, and forms, that need to be filled out, are not locked, if the form writer has a higher IQ than a turnip. In case you forget the URL for the online converter, it is now in my Tool Box. Have FUN! DearWebby
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There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After precisely six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes, yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Meats With Kitchen Shears My great grandmother would cut up meats like steak or pork chops using scissors. It works a lot better than using a knife and you can cut the meat closer to the bone. By Scgamecockcrew from Gaston, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he observed very closely the ordinance of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony. But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face. Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, just be a Methodist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that, Timmy?" "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!'"
Death Star


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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 8



Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1709 Battle of Poltava; Russians defeat Swedes 
1876 White Democrat terrorists attack Black Republicans in 
   Hamburg SC, killing 5 
1961 Portuguese steamer "Save" breaks up off Mozambique, 227 die
1969 US troop withdrawal begins in Vietnam
1986 Farthest thrown object-an "Aerobie" flying ring, 383 m (1,257') 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --- Will Rogers
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

>From Fred I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified section, though." I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!" She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells, coffee grounds and a few orange peels."
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when people are sleeping on top of each other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth..."It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Seehaus, 25, in Palm Bay, Florida Jailed After Robbing Convenience Store Because His Fiance Refused To Have Sex With Him James Seehaus, a 25-year-old Florida man was jailed Thursday after he allegedly robbed a store, then told police he committed the robbery because his fiance refused to have sex with him. According to police, Seehaus entered a 7-Eleven convenience store with a BB gun, pointed the gun at the cashier and demanded all of the money in the cash register. A Palm Bay police officer spotted Seehaus as he attempted to flee the scene with the cash. The officer stopped Seehaus about a half mile away from the store and found a BB gun in the back seat. The clerk who was on duty at the time of the robbery identified Seehaus as the robber. Seehaus was subsequently taken to jail and charged with suspicion of robbery. During a police interview, Seehaus told investigators that he would have committed more robberies had he not been caught. He also stated that he committed the robbery out of frustration because his fiance had been refusing to have sex with him. He further stated that the money in his wallet belonged to the store and that he decided to rob the store because he needed the money to buy car insurance.
Tech Support Pits: From: Neil Re: Online Converter Dear Webby, To convert a locked PDF to an editable DOC or ODT, go to http://www.online-convert.com/ They convert just about anything. Neil Dear Neil Thank you for that very valuable link! After trying it, I immediately put it into the Tool Box. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Dee for this legend: The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven." Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here , St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was." St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?" Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers." Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow. The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that a nod I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, St. . Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . " "Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind. But I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"? "Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy." "Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?" "Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. " I learnt it from the song. . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . .." St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run Forrest, run."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Lint Brush To Clean Cutting Mat I do a lot of quilting. When I square up my blocks, I always have a lot of lint and little fabric pieces left on my cutting mat. I use a lint brush to get the mat fuzz free again. I also use both side of my cutting mat. By Gabriele from CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike. When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?" "My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to rent the shop on the left. The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?" The guy says, "A menswear shop." The owner tells him he gets free signage, and asks what he wants on the sign. "Menswear," says the man. A second guy comes along and wants to let the right hand shop. When asked he says he wants "Menswear" on his sign. The owner tells him that the lefthand shop will be the same. "No problem," says the man. Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a menswear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies: "Main Entrance."
Calgary Stampede


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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 6

Re the voting, yes, I know. I have written to them 
on Monday already and again on Thursday
and on Friday. I THINK I got through to them
Friday afternoon via ThriftyFun.

From Carole:
Webby, whether we can vote for you or not. 
YOU ARE THE BEST!!
Carole


Thanks, Carole!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1838 Central American federation is dissolved
1846 US annexs California 
1863 1st military draft by US (exemptions cost $100) 
1891 Travelers cheque patented 
1898 US annexes Hawaii 
1905 127 F (53 C), Parker Ariz (state record) 
1937 Japanese & Chinese troops clash, which will become WW II 
1941 US forces land in Iceland to forestall Nazi invasion 
1956 7 Army trucks loaded with dynamite explode in the middle of
           Cali, Columbia killing 1,100-1,200, destroyimg 2,000 buildings
1960 USSR shoots down a US aircraft over Barents sea
1969 Canada's House of Commons approves equality of 
French-English language
1976 Viking 2 goes into orbit around Mars
1980 1st solar-powered aircraft crosses English Channel 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is bad luck to be superstitious. --- Socratex "To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost." --- Gustave Flaubert
The UnLocker Have you ever accidentally elbowed a new password into Windows and locked yourself out? Not yet? Or has a family member accidentally done that? Or the cat on her stroll over the keyboard? That can get extremely expensive, if you don't have the UnLocker. The Unlocker will get you back in there in 30 seconds. No fuss, no panic. Take the fear out of "Not Yet" with the UnLocker.

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican." The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Romania!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says... "Probably at work."
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook youll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef : This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. "But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Garlathy, 40, Allentown, PA Deadbeat Dad Who Fled State Is found on FaceBook and lured back with fake movie role offer Joshua Garlathy, a 40-year-old Hawaii man was jailed after he allegedly ran from his child support payments for 19 years, then was lured back to his home state of Pennsylvania on the promise that he was going to star in a movie with Jennifer Aniston. According to Allentown police, bounty hunter Scott Bernstein devised a plan to lure Garlathy back to Pennsylvania, where he was wanted by police for owing more than $32,000 in back child support. Bernstein allegedly tracked Garlathy down and discovered that he was working at a cafe in Hawaii, living on a beach, and looking for a girlfriend who was into smoking marijuana, according to various Facebook and Craigslist postings. The state refused to incur the expense of having Garlathy extradited back to Pennsylvania, so the bounty hunter looked for a way to lure him back on a voluntary basis. Investigators say Bernstein contacted Garlathy through Facebook and told him that he was interested in casting him in a role for a romantic comedy/action film starring Jennifer Aniston and Daniel Greg. Bernstein told Garlathy that a talent scout had seen him play guitar in the cafe where he worked and suggested him for the part. Garlathy was asked to come to Pennsylvania so that the casting process could be completed. Garlathy took the bait and flew to Pennsylvania despite knowing that he had warrants for his arrest. He was apprehended on a plane in front of about 250 people. Garlathy reportedly has two more children in Canada that he also refuses to support. He fled from Canada after authorities there also issued a warrant for his arrest. Garlathy was booked into jail and charged with willful failure to pay child support. He was released after paying $10,000 towards the back support he owes. He was sentenced to to 90 days of probation. Garlathy's estranged daughter, who is now 19 years old, was in court when her father received his sentence. The arrest was filmed as part of a reality show that features deadbeat dads that are arrested and brought to justice.
Tech Support Pits: From: Margene Re: More Audio device choices Dear Webby, Regarding the problem with the earphones. A better solution would be a usb sound card. You can probably get them for approximately $19. That way you dont have to plug anything into the headphone port. I use it continually and it produces better sound also. Margene Dear Margene Yes, sure, that works too, and some USB external sound cards have more than one output socket, so that saves you having to get that dual jack adapter from the Dollar store. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Ally I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That woman isn't wearing a seat belt!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Fireplace with Vinegar Remove fireplace soot and grime with undiluted white distilled vinegar. Use a brush to scrub then blot the wetness and dirt off with a towel. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," replied.. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," answered. "Every time she stands on it, she gets really mad and starts cussing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and wouldn't stop! The other Buddy says when my wife goes off on me, I just don't listen. How do you do that? asks the other. It's easy! I take off my glasses!
Calgary Stampede


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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Re the voting, yes, I know. I have written to them 
on Monday already and again on Thursday. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1777 British Gen Burgoyne captures Fort Ticonderoga from Americans 
1785 Congress resolves US currency named "dollar" & adopts decimal coinage
1798 US law makes aliens "liable to be apprehended, restrained,... &
           removed as alien enemies" 
1885 1st inoculation (for rabies) of a human being, by Louis Pasteur
1886 Horlick's of Wisconsin offers 1st malted milk to public
1892 Striking steelworkers in Homestead, Pa fire on scabs, killing 7
1894 Cleveland sends 2,000 troops to Chicago to suppress Pullman strike 
1903 George Wyman arrives in NYC by motorcycle 51 days out of SF
1923 Union of Soviet Socialist Republics formed 
1924 1st photo sent experimentally across Atlantic by radio, US-England 
1928 1st all-talking motion picture shown, in NY (Lights of NY) 
1936 114 F (46 C), Moorhead, Minnesota (state record)
1936 121 F (49 C), Steele, North Dakota (state record) 
    Gullible Warming in 1936?
1958 Alaska becomes the 49th state
1959 Saar becomes part of German Federal Republic
1989 After 9 years, WHOT (Bkln pirate radio station) 
         is busted by the FCC
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. --- G. K. Chesterton It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. --- H. L. Mencken
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easynow!

It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a Catholic and my father's Jewish." "Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?" "I believe in everything," said the first child. "What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child. "Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses, Snow White, the Tooth Fairy, Santa, the Easter Bunny, everything!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Some teachers at state universities get to know our students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jackie Farah, 32, Bowling Green, Kentucky Abandoned 19 Children And 10 Animals Inside Home With No Food Or Air Conditioning Jackie Farah, a 32-year-old Bowling Green woman was jailed after 19 children were left at home alone in filthy conditions with no air conditioning or food. Her boyfriend, Irving "Joe" Smith is also wanted for questioning. According to the Warren County Sheriff's Office, an investigation began after a neighbor reported that Farah had abandoned a house full of children. Farah and her alleged boyfriend reportedly asked the neighbor to check in on the children "periodically" while she was out of town on an overnight "family emergency." The neighbor called 911 when a week had passed and Farah still hadn't returned. Investigators arrived at the home to discover 19 children (aged 8 months to 14-years-old) living in a residence that had no air conditioning and dog feces covering the floor. Nine dogs and one cat were found living inside the residence and the temperature inside the house measured above 90 degrees. Trash littered several rooms in the house and no food was found in the refrigerator or kitchen cabinets. The children were taken to a local hospital for observation. Authorities contacted Farah, who was still in Michigan at the time, and advised her to return for questioning. She returned and was taken into custody after questioning. The children - who have been described as a mix of siblings and cousins - told investigators that they were used to being left alone. Farah was booked into the Warren County Regional Jail and charged with 14 counts of first-degree criminal abuse and 5 counts of first-degree wanton endangerment. She is currently being held without bond. Investigators are questioning other possible suspects and the case is ongoing.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ariana Re: Audio device choice Dear Webby, You told me years ago that the most fragile part of a laptop is the socket for plugging in the earphones or external speakers, and I found out the hard way, that it indeed is, especially on Toshibas, where the socket is soldered right onto the motherboard. When the socket or the solder connection fails, you have to buy a new motherboard, which cost me more than a new laptop, once I paid for shipping and installation. My current laptop is an Acer Aspire with a built in sound system, that would probably be a delight for small rodents, but is simply not good enough for a 200 lb diva. I do have a good head-set and I got Logitech external speakers for when I am alone, but am scared silly about unplugging one and plugging in the other frequently. What do you recommend? Ariana Dear Ariana Go to the "Dollar Store" and buy a "3.5 mm Double Adaptor". It has one male prong identical to the one on your external speakers or on the green plug for your head set., and it has two female sockets. Make sure it has two black rings like the one on the picture. Like most stuff at the "Dollar Store", it costs a Dollar. Plug the greeen head set plug from the head set and the plug from your external speakers into that adapter, then plug the adapter into the laptop. If your laptop sits flat on a desk and there is danger of a cat stepping on that adaptor or books getting dumped on it, find some wood or plastic that nicely fits under it, and epoxy it to the adaptor. Don't use folded paper, that is springy. It HAS to be wood or plastic or metal. If you can't find anything else, epoxy 5 or 6 Quarters together. A lot cheaper than driving to a cabinet makers shop and having a shim custom made, or getting a new motherboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little girl and a little boy were at daycare. The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey, Stevie, wanna play house?" He said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replied, "I want you to communicate." He said to her, "That word is too big. I have no idea what it means." The little girl smirked and said, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Craft Projects in Zippered Bags Save the zippered bags that linens and drapes come in to keep knitting and crocheted projects in that are in various stages of completion. It is easy to see the contents of the bag, unlike a box or other container. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Bill P My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Gary As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20% off sale. "I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested. "I don't have a girlfriend," I answered. "No girlfriend?" "No, my wife won't let me."
Toothpaste


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Classical Typewriter 

Funny Stuff! http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=G4 ... amp;sns=em




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Better PDF reader 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 5

Re the voting, yes, I know. I have written to them 
on Monday already. Maybe the person, who counts
and totals the votes and resets it at 1 am Pacific Time,
got the long weekend off?

A more cheerful note from Becky: 
I bitched...to AOL and now, 
I am getting your newsletter in my mailbox....
YEAH!!!!!!!
THANKS
Becky

Congratulations!
With AOL it has never been a technical or mechanical problem.
When they were properly motivated, they were always able to
deliver. Some subscribers don't have to bitch and complain
for years. The delivery rate of AOL is actually hundreds of 
times better than Yahoo.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1643 1st recorded tornado in US (Essex County, Massachusetts) 
1687 Isaac Newton's PRINCIPIA published by Royal Society in England
1830 France invades Algeria, begins a 40 year conquest 
1865 William Booth founded Salvation Army in London
1946 Louis Reard's bikini swimsuit design debuts at Paris fashion show 
1950 Law of Return passes, guarantees all Jews right to live in Israel 
1951 Junction transistor invention announced, Murray Hill, NJ
1962 Algeria gains independence after 132 years of French rule 
1966 National Guard mobilizes in Omaha after 3rd night of rioting 
1984 Supreme Court weakens 70-year-old "exclusionary rule"-evidence 
   seized with defective court warrants can now be used in criminal trials 
1985 117 F (47 C), St George, Utah (state rec)
1986 Nancy Reagan cuts red, white & blue ribbon; reopens Statue of Liberty 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --- Robert Frost
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easynow!

A man was on a long walk in the country in Scotland. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

>From Roger Because I couldn't unplug the toilet with a plunger, I had to dismantle the entire fixture, no small feat for a non- plumber. Jammed inside the drain was a purple rubber dinosaur, which belonged to my five-year-old son. I painstakingly got all the toilet parts together again, the tank filled, and I flushed it. However, it didn't work much better than before! As I pondered what to do next, my son walked into the bathroom. I pointed to the purple dinosaur I had just dislodged and told him that the toilet still wasn't working. "Did you get the green one, too?" he asked.
Click on the picture for the large version The sky when I go to bed.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Martin, 27, in Indianapolis, Indiana Man Strips Naked, Assaults Pedestrians and Police While High On Spice David Martin, a 27-year-old Indiana man was jailed after he allegedly stripped off his clothing and attacked pedestrians during a "Spice" fueled rage. According to Indianapolis Metro Police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report of a naked man who was walking in the middle of the street yelling at passing vehicles. When officers arrived on the scene, Martin had already begun throwing punches at several people on the sidewalk. Officers tried to restrain Martin, but he was reportedly out of control. An officer deployed a stun gun to stop Martin, but the device seemed to have no affect on him as he performed a series of Ninja-style kicks and broke free of the officers' grasp. A female officer who tried to restrain Martin sustained injuries after she was shoved into the side of a brick building. Another officer was kicked several times in the face by Martin. After he was finally detained, Martin told police that he was high on synthetic marijuana known as "Spice" during t he altercation. He was booked into jail and charged with battery, resisting arrest and public indecency.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ginger Re: PDF Editor Dear Webby, There IS a free pdf program called Nitro Reader 2 that has an option where you can FILL IN the forms you receive in pdf. It has an option called "type text" and you can click where you want to insert text and add it to the forms. I found it mentioned in one of my computer newsletters and have used it for a couple of years now. Works much better than the PAID program I bought that wouldn't let me register it despite multiple correspondence with the creators.... Ginger Dear Ginger After some searching I found a page, thatlets me right-click a download link and specify where I want to save the installation file to, NOT onto drive C, where Winslop always wants to slop downloads to, but onto drive F. Rightclick, save AS, and browse it to wherever you prefer to keep your big installation files: http://www.nitroreader.com/download/download.aspx I installed it and tried it. It seems to work OK for reading PDF files, but if a PDF had been created and locked by some snooty overpaid moron on Government pay, it fails like all other PDF readers/editors and you have to resort to using graphics to fill out the form for faxing from the computer. That is not really the fault of Nitro, but of 1) Adobe making it impossible for people, who have not bought THEIR program to edit files created with THEIR program and 2) Snooty morons throwing their fat-ass weight around and locking public forms, as if they were a Billion Dollar contract. The ability to lock a contract or quote is great, and necessary in business. However, a form that people are expected to fill out, should never be locked, unless the form writer has an insane desire to hear profanity. It is quite easy in PDF to lock some parts and have other parts unlocked for form filling, however, that apparently requires reading the instwuckshions. On properly created and not locked PDF files Nitro works very well and shows very crisp and easy readable fonts, both for the original and the filed in text. Reading eBooks with Nitro is a pleasure because of its clean and crisp fonts. And it is free. Thanks Ginger! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it that said: "Broken." A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car's owner rushed out of a nearby building. "What are you doing?" he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. "There's plenty of time left!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Margarine Tub as Sprinkle Container A new use for reusing margarine tubs. Get out your trusty old hole punch for this one. After washing the tub and lid, punch a few holes along the rim of the lid to make a sprinkle container. We use ours for sprinkling cinnamon-sugar on the kids' morning toast. They love to use it, which saves me a bit of time, as well! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny smiled and said, "Canoe?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Lynn for this one: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!"
Aqueous Electro


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Can you edit PDF files? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednsday, July 4

Happy Independence Day, if you are in the USA.



Click through for the big version

Except for the measurement system, the USA has been independent
of the Kingdom of great Britain since July 4, 1776. 
With the measurements, the USA is the only country left in the 
world, to still use the British Imperial System. 
It seems, politicians are scared they would lose some votes,
if they order the upgrade. Oh, well, it gives the rest of
the world something to snicker about, while they oooh nd ahhh
about the great Fourth of July fireworks and barbecues.

Re the voting, yes, I know. I have written to them 
on Monday already.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1054 Brightest known super-nova (Crab Nebula) starts shining (23 days) 
1776 Declaration of Independence-US gains independence from Britain
1789 1st US tariff act 
1863 Boise, Idaho founded
1863 Vicksburg, Mississippi surrenders to Union forces
1875 White Democrats kill several blacks in terrorist attacks in Vicksburg
1884 Statue of Liberty presented to US in Paris 
1886 1st scheduled transcontinental passenger train reaches Pt Moody, BC 
1894 Republic of Hawaii established 
1898 US flag hoisted over Wake Island (Spanish-American War) 
1903 Pacific Cable (SF, Hawaii, Guam, Phil) opens, Pres TR sends message 
1914 1st US motorcycle race (300 miles, Dodge City Ks) 
1942 1st American bombing mission over enemy-occupied Europe (WW II) 
1946 Philippines gains independence from US 
1959 America's new 49-star flag honoring Alaska statehood unfurled 
1960 America's new 50-star flag honoring Hawaiian statehood unfurled 
1967 Freedom of Information Act goes into effect 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. --- Walt Kelly Health food makes me sick. --- Calvin Trillin
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easynow!

A good old Classic: For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of the USA is about 273 million. 140 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do all the work. You and me, and you're sitting on your rear, at your computer, reading jokes!
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One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the Country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on a hillbilly farm of what he considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Are we going to be poor some day, when we can afford it?."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stan Nguyen, 54, Deltona, Florida Irate Man Holds Repairman At Gun Point Over Broken Air Conditioner Stan Nguyen, a 54-year-old Florida man was jailed Friday after he allegedly held an air conditioner repairman at gunpoint because he was unhappy with the service he received. According to police, air conditioner repairman Sean Hickman made an after-hours service call to Nguyen's residence after Nguyen reported that his air conditioner wasn't working properly. Upon arriving at the residence, Hickman determined that the unit's compressor was unrepairable and that a new compressor would need to be ordered and installed. This news didn't sit well with Nguyen, who immediately accused the repairman of "blowing up his air conditioner." When the serviceman returned from his truck with a service call bill, all hell broke loose. That's when Nguyen allegedly grabbed a pistol, pointed it towards the ground and attempted to fire off a warning shot. The attempt failed because Nguyen at forgotten to release the gun's safety. After releasing the safety Nguyen pointed the gun at the repairman and threatened "I will shoot you in the back if you leave," according to an arrest affidavit. The repairman ran behind his service van and called 911. At about the same time, Nguyen called to his son (who was inside the residence) to call 911. Nguyen was booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. His bail has been set at $5,000
Tech Support Pits: From: Mona Re: Can you edit a PDF? Dear Webby I realize that PDF files are locked up, so that you can't just change the title and author's name and publish them as yours. However, is there a way to just fill out a form, that is in PDF format, without having to print and fill out and scan and the fax the scan? That method seems ridiculous to me. Thanks Mona Dear Mona Yes, there are some programs, that let you do that. The cheapest, but not the easiest, method is to view it with PDF-Exchange, Foxit, Open Office, or Adobe Acrobat, adjust the zoom, so that an entire form page shows on your monitor. This is a bit difficult, if you have a sawed off wide-screen monitor, and you may have to rotate it 90 degrees. Then take a screen shot, ALT PrintScreen jump to a graphics program, hit CTRL V to paste it. Then you can use the graphic program's text tool to fill out the form. When done, save it first as a PNG file, then as PDF. If your graphics program does not let you save as PDF, copy the pictrue, open an Open Office document and paste it in there, then save that as PDF. I didn't say that method was the easiest, That is simply the cheapest. Then there is PDF-Exchange from Tracker. http://www.tracker-software.com/pdf-xch ... ison-chart They have various versions from free to $45. Pick what you need from the comparison chart. That program works for MOST PDF forms, unless some snooty shithead passworded it and made it impossible to fill out unless you buy the big Adobe PDF program. However, if you are stuck with some government form, that some moron passworded while being on the publlic payroll, then you have to revert to the first method. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Linda For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone. So I started doing the work for my Internet home business while on the job, and at the next review, got my raise.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Nail Polish Colors for a Custom Look Are you almost out of your favorite color of nail polish and can't afford to buy more this week? Then just get 2 bottles of different colors you have already, and mix them together to make a new color. Don't add any polish remover to it though, it will ruin it. I do this when I get low on polish, and it works fine. Try it. By Laurie from OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the class. The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug." The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's menorah." The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom's rosary." The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint." The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Vinnie After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily. Wow," the woman said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car." "Actually," I replied, "that's my husband."
Vegetable Gardens


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Why PDF? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 3

Thank You,  Norm!
Thank you Donnie!
Thank you Frances!


By the time you read this, I will be on the road to Calgary.
Just southern Calgary this time, to see some specialist about
nerve damage due to Diabetes. Whatever tests they have 
planned, they won't affect my eyes and no interruption in the
newsletter is expected.

Here is adomain name, that might be of interest to some of you:
cute-by-design.com
If one of you wants it, you can have it for the $10 / year 
registration fee. At one time I had plans to make something
of it, but it turned out that I am way too busy for that.

If nobody grabs it, I will drop it. When a domain is dropped,
the scavengers grab it and hold it hostage, hoping to sell
it back to whoever failed to renew it on time, for a huge 
ransom. 

If you are interested, tell me in the next three days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1608 City of Qubec founded by Samuel de Champlain 
1754 George Washington surrenders to French, Ft Necessity
1775 Washington takes command of Continental Army
1778 British forces massacre 360 men, women & children in Wyoming, Pa
1806 Michael Keens exhibits 1st cultivated strawberry 
1816 French frigate "Medusa" runs aground off Cap Blanc. Gross
           incompetence kills 150 in calm seas 
1861 Pony Express arrives in SF with overland letters from NY 
1898 US Navy defeats Spanish fleet in Santiago harbor, Cuba 
1915 US military forces occupy Haiti, remain until 1934
1939 Ernst Heinkel demonstrates 800-km/h rocket plane to Hitler 
1974 Soyuz 14 carries 2 cosmonauts to space station Salyut 3
1976 Israel launches rescue of 103 Air France crew & passengers being
           held at Entebbe Airport in Uganda by Palestinian hijackers 
1987 2 men became 1st hot-air balloon travelers to cross Atlantic 
1988 US Navy shoots down Iranian civilian jetliner over Gulf, kills 290 
1991 Donald Trump gives Marla Maples a 7.45 karat diamond ring 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art. --- Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891 Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. --- Eric Hoffer
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easynow!

>From Malcolm: The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his golf bag. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the bag back into the water.
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date. "Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks south of here."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Richards, 33, Troy, NY She Packed For Her Trip To Jail Michelle Richards, a 33-year-old Troy woman is facing new charges after she allegedly showed up to serve a jail sentence with 7 bags of heroin and a hypodermic needle hidden inside her vagina. According to the Albany County Sheriff's Office, Richards arrived to jail Tuesday morning to begin serving a drug charge sentence when deputies discovered something inside her vagina. Before Richards was placed into a cell, deputies conducted a standard strip search and recovered 7 bags of heroin and a hypodermic needle from inside her vagina. Booking deputies were advised in advance that she might try to bring drugs into jail after she was convicted on drug charges. Richards was booked into the Albany County Jail and charged with felony promoting prison contraband and misdemeanor criminal possession of a controlled substance, in addition to her original possession charge. She is currently being held without bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re: Why PDF? Dear Webby Why are people using PDF for e-books? It makes it impossible to copy just a few paragraphs or chapters. How do you get around that? Sandra Dear Sandra The main reason why authors use PDF is to protect their work from copy-cats. The second reason is that PDF makes a book look and print the same no matter what kind of computer the reader uses. The third reason is that it puts everything, text and pictures into a nice, neat package without the need for lots of lose files. If you just want to copy a paragraph to paste up on your fridge, use a graphics program and do a screen capture, size and crop it the way you want it, and then print it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?" Replied the customer sadly, "No, it definitely was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
Phenomenal Doodles


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Canada's Shorts 






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What did you do today? 


A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ..an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel...

She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'

She again smiled and answered,

'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...

''Yes," was his incredulous reply..

She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'





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Windows 7 slow at sorting 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 2

While I was eating a late supper and waiting for the Canada 
Day fireworks to start, I noticed some cumulus clouds in 
the North. At 10:45 the sky in the North is not completely 
dark. At first I thought some people were impatient and 
setting off their fireworks early, but then realized, the 
flashes, that lit up the clouds were too far away, and the
way they lit up the clouds, they were much too big for 
fireworks.

On closer inspection I figured it out, there was a hectic
lightning storm going on about 30 miles away.

When the fireworks started, they were against a backdrop
of clouds lit from the inside by lightning. Quite a unique
experience!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1644 Battle of Marston Moor; Parliamentary forces defeat royalists
1776 Continental Congress resolves "these United Colonies are & of right
           ought to be Free & Independent States" 
1777 Vermont becomes 1st American colony to abolish slavery
1787 de Sade shouts from Bastille that prisoners are being slaughtered 
1808 Simon Fraser completes his trip down Fraser River, BC, 
1881 Pres Garfield shot
1885 Canada's North-west Insurrection ends with surrender of Big Bear 
1890 Sherman Antitrust Act prohibits industrial monopolies 
1900 Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin 1st airship LZ-1, flies 
1937 Amelia Earhart & Fred Noonan disappear over Pacific Ocean
1956 Elvis Presley records "Hound Dog" & "Don't Be Cruel" 
1957 1st sub powered by liquid metal cooled reactor completed-The Seawolf 
1957 1st submarine designed to fire guided missiles launched, Grayback
1976 Formal reunification of North & South Vietnam 
1982 Larry Walters using lawn chair & 42 helium balloons, rose to 16,000' 
1985 European Space Agency launches Giotto to Halley's Comet 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death. --- Harold Wilson
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easynow!

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . "HEBREWS"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

A politician hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the politician replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the politician said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $3,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $4000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michael Lee, St. Augustine, Florida Michael Lee Is Here To "Save The Beach" - Everybody Duck! Michael James Lee, a 45-year-old St. Augustine man was jailed Monday after he allegedly vowed to save a local beach by waving a gun around at a busy intersection. According to the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched after receiving complaints that a man was waving a gun in the air near a local beach. When officers arrived on the scene, they found him on his bicycle in the middle of an intersection, still waiving the gun. Witnesses told investigators that Lee was on a quest to "Save the beach." When the officer told Lee to show his hands, he told them that he was wielding a fake, plastic gun. He then grabbed it by the barrel and threw it in the grass on the shoulder of the road. Deputies confirmed that the gun was indeed plastic, but stated that it looked real. Lee was frisked and found to be in possession of three large knives. Lee admitted that he "needed to be arrested" because it was a "stupid thing to do". When officers asked why he chose to wave a gun in a public place, Lee could not offer an explanation. Lee was booked into jail and charged with disorderly conduct.
Tech Support Pits: From: Eric Re: Slow file sort oin W7 Dear Webby Sorting files, for example by Date instead of name, is ridiculously slow on Windows 7. Resorting the same folder on XP takes two seconds or less, but on Windows 7 it takes a minute or sometimes a lot more than that even. Yeah, I know you never recommended W7, but is there anything at all that I can do to make it re-sort in a reasonable time? Eric Dear Eric Open the File Explorer, highlight a drive, select Properties and in there take the checkmark OFF from "Allow the files on this drive to have contents indexed in addition to their properties." Unless you have a new and near empty machine, a Quad Processor and 16 GB of RAM, keep that checkmark off. Windows 7 simply can't handle that in a reasonable amount of time. If you want the contents indexed, put Linux onto a small partition and use linux for that. By the way, you CAN run Linux from a CD or even a USB thumbdrive or camera chip. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From Marty My daughter's third-grade teacher had assigned the children to write a story titled "My Biggest Surprise." Not until the end of the school year did we see Marina's work. It read: "I got up this morning and I ran into Mommy and Daddy's bed and hopped in. But it wasn't Mommy at all. It was Mrs. Del Campo!" What her essay neglected to say was that we had called Mrs. Del Campo late at night to stay with our children while I took my wife to the hospital to have our third child.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Back of Drawers When Moving If you plan to refinish or move a dresser, chest, or any furniture with more than a couple of drawers; an easy way to remember where each drawer goes is mark on the back of the drawer with a marker pen with "A", "B", "C", "D" or "1", "2", "3", "4". On the inside, after removing the drawer write the corresponding letter or number in the opening. This will not show on the outside and will come in handy the next time you have to move the furniture. Some drawers appear to be the same size until you try to replace them and they don't seem to fit. By Linda from Arlington, Texas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At work, Bob noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail address and sent him a message. When Bpb received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Once upon a time, the only signs along rural highways were CocaCola billboards and Burma Shave signs nailed to fences. They have long been harvested by collectors. Here are some of the more memorable ones: ***Burma Shave*** BROTHER SPEEDER LET'S REHEARSE, ALL TOGETHER GOOD MORNING NURSE ***Burma Shave*** DON'T LOOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT *** Burma Shave*** DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING ***Burma Shave*** HUGGING ON HIGHWAY FAVORITE SPORT TRADE IN YOUR CAR FOR A DAVENPORT ***Burma Shave*** CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND MORE STEER ***Burma Shave*** SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKS THE SPOT ***Burma Shave*** THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE ***Burma Shave*** AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CAR WASN'T IT? ***Burma shave*** NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU *** Burma Shave*** A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' ***Burma Shave*** AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY ***Burma Shave*** BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE ***Burma Shave*** THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING ***Burma Shave*** CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. ***Burma Shave*** DRUNKEN DRIVERS HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO HOBBLE HOME IN AN AMBULANCE ***Burma Shave*** If You Drive While You're Drunk Carry Your Coffin In Your Trunk ***Burma Shave*** She Kissed The Hairbrush By Mistake She Thought It Was Her Husband Jake ***Burma Shave*** The Hero Was Strong And Willin' She Felt His Face And Married The Villain ***Burma Shave*** It Would Be More Fun To Go By Air But We Can't Hang These Signs Up There ***Burma Shave***
The Yolk Is On You


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Test for DNS-Changer trojan 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 1

Thanks Loretta!
Thanks Marilyn!
Thanks Michael!
Thanks Bonita!

Happy Canada Day!


Because the great-great-grandfather of Hagar the Horrible
discovered Canada 500 years before Columbus discovered the
Caribbean, Canada's holiday is 4 days before the US holiday.
It is celebrated the same way, though: BBQ and fireworks.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1690 Battle of the Boyne in Ireland 
    (Now celebrated as "The Battle of the Orange" ) 
1776 1st vote on the Declaration of Independence 
1862 Congress outlaws polygamy (1st time); bad news for Utah 
1867 Dominion of Canada formed
1873 Prince Edward Island becomes 7th Canadian province 
1875 Universal Postal Union established
1899 Gideon Society established to place bibles in hotels 
1934 1st x-ray photo of entire body, Rochester, NY 
1943 1st withholding tax from paychecks 
1966 Medicare goes into effect 
1971 Golden Gate Bridge paid for (so why is there still a toll?) 
1978 Northern Territory of Australia becomes self-governing 
1979 Stampede Pass, Washington is covered with 6" of snow 
1981 Radio Shack 3rd release of Model III TRSDOS (1.3)
1982 Kosmos 1383, 1st search & rescue satellite, launched 
1990 East Germany accepts the Deutsche Mark as its currency
1997 China regains sovereignty of Hong Kong 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own minds. --- Seth Hoffman The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. --- Scott Adams The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. --- Nicholas Butler In heaven all the interesting people are missing. --- Friedrich Nietzsche It would be hell to do the Bonehead Awards in heaven!
Fix PC Errors with Ease. Easily Scan, Repair and Speed up PC. Registry Easy is the award-winning Windows Registry Cleaner that helps you scan your PC. Safely clean the errors and invalid entries, which cause system slowdown, freezing and crashing! Repair registry problems easily! Improve your PC performance! Get Registry Easynow!

>From Bobbie When we went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, in a tub, you can sit down."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!

A couple wanted to get married in a hurry. The man, a soldier on a 48-hour pass, took his blushing bride to see the vicar. "Impossible," said the vicar. "Even a special license would take too long." The would-be bride and bridegroom exchanged a look of misery, then a smile spread across the soldier's face. "Well," he suggested brightly, "couldn't you say a few word just to tide us over the weekend?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Manuel Hernandez, 54, in Brockton, Mass. Burglars head pinned under garage door BROCKTON, Mass., June 29 (UPI) -- Police in Massachusetts said an alleged burglar was foiled when his head became stuck under a garage door for several hours. Brockton police said an employee at the local Rent-A-Center showed up for work around 9 a.m. Tuesday and discovered Manuel Hernandez, 54, with his head stuck between the garage door and the ground. "Obviously the employee was surprised and immediately called police," Detective Lt. Paul Bonanca said. Investigators said Hernandez, who unsuccessfully tried to convince the employee he was at the business for a legitimate purpose, used a metal bed post to try to pry the back garage door open and managed to lift it about 7 or 8 inches before trying to shimmy under. Police said the door fell as Hernandez was trying to pass underneath and his head was pinned to the ground. Hernandez, who was taken to a hospital to receive treatment for a bruise on his head, will face charges of breaking and entering and malicious damage to property, police said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: DNS-changer Trojan Dear Webby What is all this doomsday stuff about a DNS-changer Trojan shutting down the Internet on July 9? The lower down the gossip vine you go, like MSN and Yahoo for example, the more frantic they get, using language more typical for Gullible Warming alarmists. Because of the frantic alarmist tone I think it is just BS, but is there anything to it? Thanks Ann Dear Ann You can easily check your machines to see if they are infected with that DNS-changer trojan. Simply browse to http://dns-ok.us/ If you get a green OK page, then don't worry about it. If you don't, get McAfee, like I have been recommending since 1988, and clean up your act. For those of us, who have McAfee or Kasperki, DNS-changer is not an issue. For the rest, DNS-changer may help you to wean yourself off the net and computers. Some other anti-virus programs may or may not be able to clean your machine. Check at http://dns-ok.us/ to see if your machine is clean. If not, do whatever is necessary to clean it BEFORE JULY 9. If your machine is infected with the DNS-changer trojan, you will not be able to get better anti-virus software or browse to anywhere after July 9. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up enough. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "How did you know?" he asks. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again." That reminds me,,, Getting Gramma Home From Bingo
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Gravel Under Outdoor Faucet You can keep an outdoor faucet or pump from turning the surrounding area to mud, if you dig out a hole beneath the water spout and replace the soil with rocks or gravel. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Chris for bringing back this gem: A little boy got lost at the YWCA and wandered in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When my cousin, Tom, was at the police academy, prior to joining Chicago's finest, one of his instructors asked him during an oral exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He immediately replied, with conviction, "Call for back-up, LOTS of back-up."
6 things that will change on Canada Day weekend


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