What is Rule 240 ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 31.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. --- Bertrand Russell
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since my wife always has her mind made up beforehand and resents it, when I try to confuse her with facts, I'll never be able to convince 8 women jurors."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This was the top part of a 6 foot tall cactus, that fell over and broke into pieces. Dad let the pieces dry a month, then planted them into separate pots. As you can see, they bloomed quite nicely.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Hautzenroeder, 36, Colerain Township, Ohio Teacher - Charged With Having Sex With Two Students Reported by The Weekly Vice Julie Hautzenroeder, a 36-year-old science teacher at Colerain High School, has been indicted on sex charges after she allegedly had sex with two students. According to the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched back in May of this year after school officials received information that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with a 16-year-old student. As the investigation unfolded, it was reportedly learned that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with two students who she had hired to babysit her daughter. The first student reportedly attends Colerain High School, however the age and location of the second student has not yet been released. According to court records, Hautzenroeder allegedly had intercourse with one students and oral sex with the second student. Hautzenroeder has been indicted on two counts of sexual battery. Tech Support Pits From: Glenis Re: Rule 240 Dear Webby, You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how does it apply under the current security restrictions? Glenis Dear Glenis I used to travel a fair bit, but that is not in the current budget. Re Rule 240, I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, mentioning "Rule 240", and how she was instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets. "Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups. Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with the DOT. The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward. IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or other occurrences, that the airlines say they cannot control, or you miss a connection because they were late, they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you alternate tickets and meal vouchers. Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240", but have no clue where they can find the copy that is supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in trouble. If the take-off is delayed because of security problems, then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240" to intelligently dispute the points, and rather give you vouchers. The European equivalent is EU Regulation 261/2004. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Careful With DIY Beauty Treatments So I just threw in three ingredients in an attempt to clear an oily nose; some lime juice, toothpaste and some scrub. As soon as I put it on it started to burn! I thought that it was just the side effect of the toothpaste but seven minutes later, it's still burning. I've decided to just leave it on for the full fifteen minutes, but I'm afraid of the result. Not pacticulary asking for help but just giving out a warning to potential DIY'ers. Don't do this! By KittyKakes E. Also avoid using dynamite or chainsaws for facial cleaning. That would be just as dumb. Simply sneak out to the garage and look for a can of Waterless Handcleaner. You can also buy it at Walmart, Home Depot, or any automotive parts & accessories store. Waterless Handcleaner is a gentle paste. Dip the tip of a finger into it, smear it onto your greasy nose, and wipe it off with paper towel or facial tissue. That's all there is to it! Believe me, industry would grind to a screching halt, if you took away waterless handcleaner. By the way, it also works very well to remove tar splatters or spray paint from cars, and has effectively removed grease and oil from mechanics faces and hands for over a hundred years. And it doesn't take much. "A little dab'll do ya." Some brands have a hint of lanolin (wool oil) in it to protect the skin after the cleaner has deep cleaned it and removed ALL oil and grease.It doesn't make your skin feel oily, but not dry either. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm becoming a Catholic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Lila DearWebby, can you please run that hilarious story about the fallen cake again? Thanks, Lila OK, here it is: Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

» Dominoes
For US

Today, July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
 Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad.
1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins 
 for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. 
 The substance was used in fertilizer.
1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted.
1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. 
 He introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows 
 on the South Seas."
1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched 
 a series of cars under his name.
1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in 
 Austria.
1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became 
 the youngest person to swim the English Channel.
1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures 
 of the moon's surface.
1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time 
 in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV).
1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices.
1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape 
 reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage 
 William R. Higgins.
1991 U.S. President George H. Bush and Soviet President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital 
 Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal.
1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. 
 It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's 
 surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature 
 length films sold. 
2013  smiled


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Alternate SMTP Servers 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - )
Thanks to Irma for this story: One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell '@#$%&!' after beeping!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their billing service had screwed up and not to worry about their bill." The company got a new number the next day.
Click on the picture for the large version Yesterday morning from my office window.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian O'Neill, 25, St. Charles, Mo. Jailed After Repeatedly Zapping Wife With Stun Gun Because He Couldn't Find His Wallet Reported by The Weekly Vice Brian O'Neill, a 25-year-old Missouri man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly assaulted his wife with a stun gun because he couldn't his wallet. According to police, O'Neill and his wife were at a relatives home earlier this month when O'Neill suddenly realized that his wallet was missing. In retaliation, O'Neill allegedly grabbed a 3.8 million volt stun gun and applied a shock to his wife's neck. When the wife recovered and attempted to get away from O'Neill, he reportedly pinned her down and applied additional jolts to her legs and abdomen. When the woman finally recovered from the second attack, she attempted to flee to her car. That's when O'Neill chased her down and zapped her again with the stun gun before fleeing the scene. Police who arrived at the scene found O'Neill's wallet, which contained a metal pipe with burned marijuana residue inside. They also discovered that O'Neill was already on parole for a recent drug violation. He was booked into jail and charged with felony domestic assault, armed criminal action, property damage and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. The wife later told police that she does not sleep in the same bedroom as O'Neill because she is afraid that he will kill her while she is asleep. Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: SMTP filtering Dear Webby, My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that? Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter and dump their own responses too. Thanks Allan Dear Allan Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get cable, but I agree that their mail is definitely not reliable enough for business purposes. Luckily it's easy enough to get around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server. A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at Softstack It's easy to set up and it's free. Then there is SMTP2GO.com If you want something fancier with more options, there is PostCastServer for $49. A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never have to change it when you travel or move or change ISPs. Considering that only very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you are never stuck when you use a remote one like one of those. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Frozen Water In Your Fridge Now the weather is turning cold, I leave clean plastic gallon jugs of drinking water outside overnight to freeze. One bottle gives me refreshing iced water in the morning, the others go in the fridge and freezer to fill space and keep cooling costs down. This is especially useful now the furnace is running more often. By Laura P. from Iowa Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Dave for this story: As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too."

» A Beautiful Mess

Today, July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay 
 Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage.
1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland.
1733 The first Freemasons lodge opened in what would later 
 become the United States.
1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine 
 automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car 
 Company of Cleveland, OH.
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese 
 submarine. The ship had just delivered key components 
 of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of 
 Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the 
 attack.
1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the 
 U.S. national motto.
1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social 
 Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. 
 It went into effect the following year.
1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to 
 disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact.
1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile 
 rolled off the assembly line.
2000 Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married.
2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to 
 win three consecutive Tours de France.
2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle 
 rolled off an assembly line.
2013  smiled


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Which is the best FTP program? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 29.

The first few of the Saskatoon berries are ripe.



Due to the end of the Gullible Warming, they are a late,
but they taste exactly the same.

The raspberries are late too, but the first few were delicious!
You see some that are almost ripe.




The enthusiastic plant on the right is Lovage or Maggi, 
a very nice spice. The seeds of it have a quite different 
flavor from the dried leaves. It is time to cut them and
dry them. If you are not familiar witrh that spice, it is
the secret why Gramma's meatloaf tasted better.

The brown pipe holds the hay-wire, that keeps the plants
from leaning out too far.
The galvanized 6" pipe with mosquito netting on top is the 
exhaust from the fridge. In summer I don't want it to heat 
up the kitchen, so I exhaust it to the outside. 
The air intake is down behind the raspberries.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


If you want to do something special and really crazy, go to the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship! This year it is on Aug 24, so you still have plenty of time to get to Savonlinna, Finland. You can sign up at Here There is a registration fee to minimize frivolous sign-ups by people, who won't attend. Last year a new world record wast thrown by Ere Karjalainen, Finland. New WR is amazing 101,46 m (331.4 feets)! Second was Jeremy Gallop from South Africa, 94,67 m (308.4 f). 2011 Champion Oskari Heinonen came third with 86,94 m (286.2f). Winner in women's category came also from Finland, Jonna Mattero threw 42,47 m (137.8 feet). Even if you don't quite win, just watching competitors from all over the world, should be a hoot!
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angelina Davis, 18, Oklahoma City, OK Jailed for Strangling Own Father To Death Over Drug Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Angelina Davis, an 18-year-old Oklahoma dope addict and prostitute, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly strangled her father to death when he failed to give her money for drugs. According to police, an investigation was launched back in March after two neighbors found 77-year-old Jay Davis dead inside his tiny, dilapidated house in Oklahoma City. Investigators say the man was found with a cord wrapped around his neck and may have been dead for several days before he was found by concerned neighbors. Officers began a search for the man's daughter, Angelina Davis after obtaining evidence and witness statements that made her the likely suspect in the case. According to the arrest report, Davis reportedly harassed her father for money on a regular basis, beat him, and told friends that she was going to kill her father if he didn't give her money for drugs. Davis also reportedly told a friend the place inside the house where her father died, even though she was not at the scene when police found the body and information about the man's death had not been shared with her. Davis, who is a drug addict and worked as a prostitute, was booked into jail on a charge of murder. Tech Support Pits From: Angie Re: FTP Dear Webby I have always used browser FTP to up and download files, but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs! I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale. Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is not too expensive? Angie Dear Angie Best is FileZilla You can get it free. Yes, totally free! Not even sleazy ads on the download page. FileZilla is just as powerful as the $100 + programs, but in my opinion more user friendly and considerably faster. If your web host insists on SFTP (SECURE FTP), that is absolutely no problem with FileZilla. Filezilla lets you change file permissions on the server, even for whole directory branches at a time. Another nice feature is the ability to transfer a dozen files simultaneously. As you can probably imagine, that really speeds up getting work done! You can even have multiple instances of it open, if you are working on more than one domain. I use FileZilla every day, and like it! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bathtub Cleaning Made Easy Use liquid toilet bowl cleaner in your bathtub or shower to remove hard water stains, minerals, mildew, and soap residue. It's stronger than bathtub cleaners and does the job in no time. The thicker formula makes it cling to the sides of the tub while it dissolves the offending grime. If you use a product with a color added (the one I use is blue) it can stain white grout, so be careful not to put it directly on the walls. Rinse thoroughly and do not mix with other cleaners. Source: Heard it from a friend who restores old houses. By Diane from Wonder Lake, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a house of ill repute smells like."

» City of Dragons

Today, July 29, in

1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
 of Gravelines.
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France.
1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received 
 U.S. patent for the lawn-tennis court.
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA.
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to 
 Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes.
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established.
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 was authorized by the U.S. Congress.
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control.
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to 
 lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government 
 welcomed the action and announced its intention to open serious
 discussions with Cuba on normalization.
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married.
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be 
 the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio 
 autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard 
 "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out 
 and he was set free. Then the US deported him to Germany.
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 
 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for 
 deaths and birth defects.
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike 
 against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion 
 in lost revenues.
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered 
 a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around 
 the sun.
2013  smiled


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How to harvest picturs from PPS 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 28.
Today in 1866 - The metric system was legalized by the 
U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and 
measures throughout the United States.

That was 147 years ago. So far only the electricians,
electronics techs and SOME scientists have switched 
to the metric system. The US is unique in that. The
rest of the world has adopted the metric system long
ago.

Canada switched to the metric system shortly after I
got used to use the Imperial system, so I had to learn
it all over. Since the metric system is so much easier,
that was a breeze.

People got used to it quickly, but with some of the 
units there is still some confusion as to how to 
pronounce them. Is it KILOmeters, like the 
Europeans say it, 
or is it kilOMeters, like the Brits pronounce it, 
or kiloMETERS ?

So people give it nicknames like "klicks", "k-m's",
and some call them "miles", even though they mean
kilometers. In the long run, I think "klicks" will
win out.

However, NOBODY would want to go back to that silly
British Imperial system of inches and feet and yards
and furlongs and fathoms and miles. After all, WE are
no longer a British colony! 
AND, simply moving the decimal point is a lot easier.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Eighty percent of success is showing up. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron. H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
Thanks to Phil for this report: My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paper left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our garbage paper on our desks every night. Next day, the boss had an office full of garbage, and we never heard about the policy again.
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio help callers with their home problems. One woman called up hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement. "Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get rid of it." An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now I have TWO skunks in my basement!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jesse Lopez, 29, Great Falls, Montana Began His Day By Finding Lost Wallet, Ends His Day At Hospital After Eating Pills From Anus Reported by The Weekly Vice Jesse Lopez a 29-year-old Montana man, was hospitalized and then charged after he allegedly pulled several pills from his buttocks and ate them. According to Great Falls Police, Lopez was at the Great Falls Police station to retrieve a lost wallet that someone had turned in when officers realized that an outstanding warrant had been issued for his arrest. While Lopez was being processed into jail, officers found two crack pipes in his pocket and several plastic spindles that are commonly used to distribute narcotics. At some point during the booking process, another inmate told officers that Lopez was pulling pills out of his buttocks and consuming them. A dogpile of officers were able to retrieve 4 Hydrocodone pills from Lopez' mouth as he attempted to swallow them. The report did not indicate how many pills Lopez was successful in swallowing before officers were able to react. Officers also recovered the broken fragments of several plastic bindles from Lopez mouth that may have contained additional narcotics. Lopez was reportedly rushed to a local hospital and placed into intensive care following the incident. He has been charged with possession with intent to distribute, tampering with evidence and three counts of criminal possession of drug paraphernalia. Tech Support Pits From: Leesa Re: PPS Dear Webby I thought I'd ask you about this one about PPS files. I love these pictures, and would like to use them as my desktop wall paper, one at a time, of course. How can I save them individually into my wallpaper folder? Obviously, I can't right click 'cause the save option isn't there. Appreciate your help, again. Have a wonderful day. Leesa Dear Leesa If you use Microsoft powerpoint viewer, you need to have a graphics program open. Arrange your windows so thet you can jump back and forth between that and the powerpoint viewer. Click it ahead to a picture, that you want to harvest. When you see it, hold down ALT and hit PrinTScreen. That "prints" the picture into the clipboard. Hold ALT and hit TAB That jumps you to your graphics program, without closing the Powerpoint slide show. In the graphics program hit CTRL V or EDIT, PASTE. That opens a new picture and pastes what you had "printed" into the clipboard. ALT Tab will jump you back to the slide show. Advance to the next picture, that you want, and repeat the procedure. If you use Open Office, it is a bit simpler. There you see thumbnails of all the slides on the left side. Select the one you want, right-click and select COPY. ALT TAB to your graphics program and paste it as a new picture with CTRL V. ALT Tab back to the slide show, select the next thumb nail and so on. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Sweet Corn Now that sweet corn is in season, a frugal way to prepare it and save time and water is to make it in your microwave. Use a gallon size freezer bag and place the peeled and cleaned ears of corn inside. Six will fit easily. Add about a half cup of water. Seal the bag three fourths closed. Microwave on high 8-10 minutes. It comes out perfect every time! You can wash out and reuse the bag also. By Cindy S. Instead of laboriously cleaning the corn cold, I stick the cobs with husks and all into the microwave, or at camp into a pot of boiling water. 10 minutes either way. Then I cut the cob at the stalk end EXACTLY at the widest spot. Don't try to cheat! It has to be at the widest spot, just before it narrows down to the stalk. After that, I grab the top of the cob and squeeze. The corn slides out of the husk nice and clean, without any silk. Use an oven mitt or glove for the squeeze. It sure beats cold cleaning, and the corn is juicy enough to spray a bit, when you bite into the kernels. Melt some butter on it, sprinkle a bit of salt and pepper, and enjoy! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
>Frm Peter, the Australian version HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world "Little India" formerly known as Australia . Tasmania, Australia's southern land state, executes last remaining Greenie. White minorities still trying to have English recognised as Australia's third language. Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged. Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle' choice. Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced. Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. Australian Government has told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat. Australia now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of the Australian National University says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think. Australian Deficit 10 $Trillion dollars and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success. Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch. Baby conceived naturally ! Scientists stumped. Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least a hundred more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation ! Serves them right. Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.. Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for election as US President in 2032. Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. After a ten year $75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labor Party: Scientists prove Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Victoria India and New South Iraq. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph an Australian woman with her mouth shut. Senate still blocking drilling for oil in Canberra even though petrol is selling for 5,000 Rupees per litre and petrol stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime. Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons. Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 percent. Carlton won this years National Footy final beating the Hindu Hornets 20-11 to 13-18 Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still having trouble with voting machines. From Peter Australia
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?" "Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today." "Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails." "No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster." "Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!" "No, they're definitely today's." "Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated, astounded. "Yes," she insisted. "Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one." She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big, red lobster..."
» Animal Capshunz

Today, July 28, in
1821 - Peru declared its independence from Spain.
1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress 
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. 
1868 - The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution 
 was declared in effect. The amendment guaranteed due 
 process of law.
1896 - The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated.
1914 - World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary 
 declared war on Serbia.
1932 - Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" 
 of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. 
 They were demanding money they were not scheduled to 
 receive until 1945.
1941 - Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. 
 House of Representatives.
1942 - L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated 
 mailbox.The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted.
1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of 
 New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed 
 and 26 were injured.
1951 - The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released.
1965 - U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the 
 number of American troops in South Vietnam 
 from 75,000 to 125,000.
1982 - San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. 
 to ban handguns.
1998 - Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that 
 created the second-largest phone company.
1998 - Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from 
 prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her 
 relationship with U.S. President Clinton.
2006 - Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had 
 been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes 
 were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon 
 after the Jurassic era. (That is about 150 Million years ago,
 long before Noah's flood, which was from 5000 to 4500 years
 ago.)
2013  smiled


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Jittery Moon 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 27.

Thank you, Sig!
Thank you, Robert!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest person in the world." And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way. I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother moving in with us."
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A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents' ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see! One of the chickens is in bloom!"
Click on the picture for the large version Ausangate mountain, Andes, Peru
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adam St. Valle, 29, New Port Richey, Floriduh Jailed After Knocking Girlfriend's Teeth Out When She Caught Him Having Sex With Another Woman Reported by The Weekly Vice Adam St. Valle, a 29-year-old Floriduh bonehead, was jailed Friday after he knocked his girlfriend's teeth out because she walked in on him having sex with another woman. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, a woman was attacked by her boyfriend Friday when she walked in and found him having sex with a woman she could only identify by the name "Danielle." Investigators say St. Valle retaliated by repeatedly punching his girlfriend in the face until several of her teeth were knocked out. St. Valle then allegedly held a knife to her throat before deputies arrived on the scene. St. Valle told deputies that the woman injured his penis, however, deputies saw no signs of injury. St. Valle was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with aggravated battery. He remains held in lieu of $5,000 bond. St. Valle has a long arrest history in Pasco County which includes multiple arrests for domestic battery, burglary, evading law enforcement and driving on a revoked license. Tech Support Pits From: Elisa Re: Jittery Moon Dear Webby Thanks for the trick for getting rid of the nuisance Category Tabs in Gmail! I tried to take a picture of the red moon in forest fire smoke a while after dark. I used max Zoom, and wound up with TWO overlapping crescents of the moon, as if it was a double exposure. The sharp tips of the crescent are definitely there twice. What causes that? I rested one edge of the camera on the window sill to keep it steady. How do I avoid that problem? Elisa Dear Elisa You shot the picture in VERY dark conditions, not just after dark, but through forest fire smoke. The camera kept the shutter open long to gather enough light to show the moon, maybe 2 - 3 seconds if you have a camera with a large lens, much longer if it has a small lens. During that time you jittered a bit. Next time you try that, nestle the camera into a bag of sugar or sand. That holds the camera much steadier than resting one edge of it on a hard surface. Once you have the shot lined up, hit the self-timer, stand back and don't breathe until it has taken the picture. The less light you have, the more careful you have to be to avoid jitters. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Masking Tape to Keep Rugs from Slipping I can guarantee that this works. Rugs on hard floors stop slipping if you roll masking tape (the kind that vehicle painters use, which can be bought at any hardware store) at least 5 times around your hand and apply to each corner of the rug. The tape will not damage any tiles or even wooden flooring By Lynne G. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Johnnie's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked "Johnnie, are your father and mother in?" "They was in, but they is out." he answered. The teacher gasped, "Why, Johnnie, it is 'They were in, they are out' Where's your grammar?" "Downtown, but mom and dad are bailing her out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.
» Rain Clusters

Today, July 27, in
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of 
 France defeated John of England.
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they 
 found him guilty of sacrilege.
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, 
 which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in 
 British ships from British ports.
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the 
 Battle of Killiecrankie.
1777 The Marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help 
 the rebellious American colonists fight the British.
1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in 
 the first Battle of Ushant.
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. 
 It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe.
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. 
 He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air 
 for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds.
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, 
 and began to disarm Irish rebels.
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge 
 and was used to carry oil.
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
 announced the discovery of the hormone insulin.
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. 
 animated cartoon "A Wild Hare."
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam.
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was 
 signed at Panmunjon, Korea.
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
 I rememeber that! Meat rationing ended too, since we did 
 not have to feed the occupation troops any longer, and all
 school kids got a hotdog. Brass bands played and church bells
 rang, and speeches were made. I don't remember what they 
 were about, but I remember that hotdog!
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 
 "advisers" to South Vietnam.
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and 
 Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health 
 warnings on all cigarette packages.
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to 
 assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting.
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against 
 President Richard Nixon.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a 
 hospital near Cairo, Egypt.
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an 
 $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs.
1995 The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South 
 Korean President Kim Young-sam.
2001 The ribbon cutting ceremony was held for American Airlines 
 Center in Dallas, TX. The event set two new world records, 
 one for the 3 mile long ribbon and one for the 2,000 people 
 who cut it.
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) 
 that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation 
 used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation 
 technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of 
 the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century.
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
2013  smiled


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Gmail TABS and Filters 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 26.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you, Dr Bill!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. --- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965) Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. --- W. C. Fields
Three Pastors in the South were having lunch in a diner. One said "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, made them members of the church and asked for donations. Haven't seen one back since!"
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A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of Stockholm: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aaron Little, 37, Seattle, Washington Sex Offender Charged With Peeking Up Woman's Skirt, Groping Her During Church Service Reported by The Weekly Vice Aaron Little, a 37-year-old registered sex offender, was jailed after he allegedly sexually assaulted a woman during Sunday church service. According to police, Little was sitting behind a woman during a 9:30 a.m. church service when he lifted up the back of her skirt and peeked at her underwear when the congregation stood up to sing a hymn. Although the victim didn't realize that Little was getting a gander at her nether regions, several of the woman's relatives did. The woman's relatives frog marched Little to the door and booted him out of service, however, Little ran through another church entrance and sat down next to the woman before her relatives returned to their seats. That's when Little lifted up the woman's skirt a second time and groped her. Several congregation members dog-piled Little and held him until police arrived on the scene. Little was booked into the King County Jail and charged with suspicion of rape. --------- The bonehead needs to have his head examined! Even if she was wearing a poodle skirt, a peek at her undies and a quick grope was most definitely not worth getting tenderized by a herd of relatives and yhrn the cops, and most likely spending 5 - 10 years in jail. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Gmail Tabs and filters Dear Webby, I agree with you, those Gmail Tabbies are a bloody nuisance for anybody, who gets a serious amount of email. Their totally useless edict from their "mail-noreply@google.com" frosted my buns too. I sure appreciate it, that you showed me how to get rid of those dumb tabbies. Now I got a Gmail related question, that is probably really easy for you: How do I make a filter, to keep something out of the SPAM? Thanks Alice Dear Alice Click the little bicycle sprocket near the right top and select Settings In there you see a line menu at the top and another one just below the bicycle sprocket. In that second line menu the fifth item from the left is Filters. Click on that, and scroll down to the bottom, There you see a tiny line that says Create a new filter. It is not underlined, but is a link. No, I don't know why they are not competent enough to show links underlined. Maybe they want to confuse people. Hit that not underlined link. That gets you to a very crude filter form, well crude when compard to MailWasher, where you just pull down the options, and where you can use regular expressions like IF - BUT NOT, AND, etc. Enter the information, that you want the filter to use, into that little filter form. Don't let that magnifying glass tempt you into testing your criteria. That has not worked right for years. If you do, your carefully made filter gets trashed. Just tell it to contine. Then you can tell it what to do with found mails. Usually all you use Gmail filters for is to keep good mail OUT of the Spam folder. Gmail is pretty good at recognizing spam, but frequently a bit too eager. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repair a Large Screw Hole With Rope If you have a hole that is to large for a screw, just put a piece of natural rope into the hole. I like jute or cotton rope the best. I tried toothpicks and wooden matches at first, but I've since found that rope works far better because it wraps itself around the screw so it fits tightly into the threads! By JLS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The census taker knocked on an old lady's door. He asked her several questions and she answered all of them except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked stubbornly. "Certainly," the census taker replied. Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are." So, the census taker remarked: OK, I'll put down, "As old as the Hills."
» Heraceleion Below Sea

Today, July 26, in
1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental 
 Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General 
 was Benjamin Franklin.
1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent 
 application for a facsimile telegraph
1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started 
 in Chicago, IL.
1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
 propelled ship.
1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister.
1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that 
 prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and 
 federal employment.
1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a 
 coup led by Gamal Abdel Nasser.
1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista 
 with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern 
 Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later.
1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized 
 the Suez Canal.
1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL.
1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they 
 were forming a joint venture to combine international 
 operations and develop a new Internet system.
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Gmail Tabs 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Hold a book in your hand and you're a pilgrim at the gates of a new city. --- Anne Michaels Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student. --- George Iles
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
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The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available. The colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1700, what would you do?" The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging . . . " "You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted. The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate. "Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . " "You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said. The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate. Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, 'Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole set up in front of HQ by 16:30, standing perfectly straight!" "You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
Thanks to lillemor for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jaaziah Herrera, 23, St Cloud, Floriduh Cell Phone Salesman Charged With Dragging Woman Into Back Room, Demanding That She Date Him Reported by The Weekly Vice Jaaziah Herrera, a 23-year-old Florida bonehead employed at Metro PCS in St. Cloud, was jailed after he allegedly dragged a customer into a back room and demanded that she start dating him. According to police, a customer was shopping at a Metro PCS store in St. Cloud when an employee, identified as Jaaziah Herrera, suggested that the two of them should date. When the woman turned down Herrera's advances, he reportedly dragged her into a back room at the store and pinned her down so that she was unable to get away. That's when he reportedly told her "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want me." The victim reportedly told Herrera "No" several times, explaining that she had a boyfriend and that he would be looking for her. Herrera eventually let the woman go, and she immediately called police. When officers arrived at the store to question Herrera, they found a 5-foot nylon rope in his pocket. Herrera told police that he carried the rope because he had been practicing his knot tying skills. He was booked into the Osceola County Jail and charged with false imprisonment and battery. Tech Support Pits From: Phyllis Re: Confusion with Gmail Dear Webby, Gmail has me completely confused...although being a senior citizen may account for that ,too. They have somehow changed their way of sending out email and when I go to their @Welcome to the new GMail" page, I find no instructions at all. Now I get one or 2 new emails per day, none of which are ones I want. I'm still getting your letter on my alternate email address, but that's not helping for my Gmail. Any ideas? Phyllis Dear Phyllis A lot of people wrote with similar questions or complaints about Gmail. What really frosted a lot of people was that the totally unhelpful edict from the throne was sent by , and they don't know where to complain about the dopey concept. Your address is still in the list and your newsletter is getting sent to you every night. Possibly you got backstabbed with the new wacky tabs, that disorganize your Gmail inbox. Best to take the checkmarks off those thilly tabbies and hope, that sorting by receive date and time will return. They don't seem to have the talent necessary for sorting by column like the good email programs have had for over 20 years, so they are trying to sort emails by category, without really understanding how you take care of your emails. Instead of leaving it sorted by date and time, they shuffle it by category. For example, they put all Linkedin, FaceBook, Twitter, etc. related mails in one bunch at the top, and your electrical bill and mail from your Sweetie and your subscriptions in another bunch somewhere else. If somebody is just a social butterfly and only using Gmail for playing on social networks, that concept MIGHT make sense. For the rest of us, it is a bloody nuisance. Naturally, now most people miss important emails and can't find expected mails and they are cussing about "Blonde Logic" and wondering, what they are smoking at Gmail. Luckily, it is easy to undo the wanky thillyness. Look for the little gear at the right side and pull it down. In there select "Configure Inbox". In there, take the checkmark of all categories except PRIMARY. Save and return to the Inbox. You get back the extra space, that they stole off the top, and the thilly category sorting is gone. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garlic as Remedy for Toothache Garlic is another remedy that works on toothache pain. I place a sliver of garlic between the infected area of the tooth and cheek for as long as I can stand it, because the garlic has a peppery taste. The garlic, like cabbage, will draw out the infection and relieve the pain and swelling. Cloves work to numb the infected area also. By dee53 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
» The Louisville Slugger

Today, July 25, in
0326 Emperor Constantine refused to carry out the traditional 
 pagan sacrifices.
1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general 
 expulsion of Jews from France.
1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.
1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in 
 Japan and ordered all Christians to leave.
1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism 
 to Roman Catholicism.
1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara 
 in Canada.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at 
 Aboukir, Egypt.
1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain, 
 France and the United States.
1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR.
1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt.
1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was 
 the first American officer to hold the rank.
1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper.
1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan.
1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel 
 in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. 
 He was the first man to fly across the channel.
1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian 
 sovereignty.
1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians.
1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets.
1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown 
 in a coup.
1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the 
Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device.
1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first 
 woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space 
 station Salyut 7.
1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that 
had existed between them since 1948.
1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the 
 second American to win the race.
2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal 
 reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010. 
2013  smiled


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Classic Floppy Deal 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Tammy called up the airline ticket counter and asked, "How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?" The counterman answered, "Just a minute." Tammy replied: "Wow, that's pretty fast!", thanked him and hung up.
>From Paul: My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog to pull us apart.
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Thanks to lillemor for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathan Savas, 24, Deland, Floriduh Charged With Sitting On Baby's Head When Baby Refused To Go To Sleep Reported by The Weekly Vice Jonathan Savas, a 24-year-old Florida bonehead, has been jailed after he allegedly sat on his baby's head because the child wouldn't fall asleep. According to Deland Police, Savas showed up at a female friend's mobile home Thursday night with his 10-month-old child while looking for a place to stay. The baby, according to the arrest report, didn't have any clothing on when Savas arrived. Investigators say Savas then became angry when the baby refused to stop crying and fall asleep. In retaliation, Savas allegedly placed the baby on a couch and sat on his head while the child screamed out in pain. The female friend tried to intervene, however, Savas told her "It's my baby, I can do what I want." The female friend reportedly waited until Savas left her residence to report the abuse because she was afraid he would harm her. When officers caught up with Savas a couple of days later, he reportedly admitted to placing the child faced down on the couch and then placing his leg on top of the baby to force him to go to sleep. Officers also recovered a hypodermic needle, baggies and a pill container from Savas' backpack. He was booked into jail and charged with child abuse. His bond has been set at $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: - Re: - No Question No answer Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Natural Ant Deterrent My parents lived in Africa and had an infestation of army ants. A local boy gave my mother some brilliant advice; put ash in a ring around the house. The ants will be tricked into thinking there is a forest fire. My mother did this in a great panick to stop the ants swarming over me as a new baby and, like magic, the ants disappeared! I have an infestation in my kitchen at the moment so plan to put ash across the threshold where they are coming in and post a note if it does the trick on English black ants. By fiona.me.mcintyre Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
I just came across this old tech support story. Totally obsolete, but too good to just let it die. Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago, when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to destroy all data on it and format it. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Oh Oh! Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?"
» Rubic's Cube

Today, July 24, in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived 
in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah.

1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press.

1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of 
 modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland.

1929 U.S. President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, 
 which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy.

1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West 
 Berlin. The U.S.-British airlift began the following day.

1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the 
 Pacific Ocean.

1974 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President 
 Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings 
 to the Watergate special prosecutor.

1985 Walt Disney released their 25th full-length cartoon. 
 The work was "The Black Cauldron."

1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda 
 became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 

2013  smiled


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Elongated pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe. --- Leo Rosten (1908 - )
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily or breaks off, it was a valuable plant.
A man takes a photo of the front of his house to the local copy store and asks the clerk to put it on disk for him. He does. They are both looking at the monitor to see the results, and the man asks if the picture can be turned. "Sure" says the clerk. The man replies, "Good, I need a shot of the back of my house also."
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Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sarah Maria Torres, 33, Sugar Land, TX Charged With Having Sex With Daughter's 14-Year-Old Ex Boyfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice Sarah Maria Torres, a 33-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had sex with her daughter's 14-year-old ex boyfriend. According to Sugar Land Police, an investigation was launched after the boy told a family member about the sexual relationship that he had with his ex-girlfriend's mother. Investigators say the alleged sexual relationship took place on May 23 when the boy stayed home from school. Torres and the boy both live on the same street. The boy's mother reportedly provided officers with evidence that corroborates her son's account of the relationship, according to the arrest affidavit. Torres was booked into the Fort Bend County Jail and charged with sexual assault of a child. Her bond has been set at $150,000. Somehow, I would not be surprised if it turns out that the boy framed her because she terminated his relationship with her daughter. Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: Elongated pictures Dear Webby Love your Humor letter especially the tech help. You gave some advise on making things larger including pictures, can't remember when you gave it, I followed the instructions and things are larger. But my pictures are all elongated and another thing happened at the same time. When ever I hit my mouse it makes a loud click from my desktop when I change pages. Also on my IM the sub-titles across the top are like high lighted. What did I do wrong and how do I go back to the way it was? Thank you Darlene Dear Darlene The reason your pictures appear elongated is probably that you chose a setting intended for a wide aspect ratio monitor. Right-click on the desktop, Properties Settings and in there try different resolutions. I use 1600 x 1200. That looks fine on my monitor, and when I design a 5" x 6" ad, it measures precisely 5" x 6" on the screen. So, play with the resolution settings until you find one that suits your monitor and your eyes. If you got stuck with a sawed off (wide) monitor, they say that eventually your eyes get used to it, as long as you are not working with spreadsheets. Re the mouse click, you can set that in the Control Panel, Mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cookie and Cracker Package Trays Don't throw out the plastic trays from cookie and cracker bags! They work great as holders for beads or paper pieces for your crafts, but you can also use them as mini-green houses and flower pots. By Angela L. from Sault Ste Marie, ON Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing all over again.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
» Poland's Underground Salt Cathedral

Today, July 23, in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for 
 construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts.
1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA.
1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first 
 typewriter.
1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in 
 Cincinnati, Ohio.
1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches 
 during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO.
1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following 
 the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. 
 The dispute led to World War I.
1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in 
 service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad.
1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser 
 overthrew King Farouk I.
1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, 
 under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission 
 was to be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. 
 The Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958.
1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live 
 TV broadcast to Europe.
1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de 
 France bicycling competition.
1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first 
 Earth-resources satellite.
1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after 
 it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in 
 "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title.
1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at 
 Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996.
1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out 
 more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique.
2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 
2013  smiled


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No newsletters on Gmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 21.

OK, for all those who asked for a picture of me at the 
waterfall, not just some silly little tree, here is one
from shortly before I did my canyon edge dance.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The secret of all success is to know how to deny yourself. Prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this all other education is good for nothing. --- R. D. Hitchcock Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) OK, OK, I AM walking every day for about an hour, and even taking Barb's family dog for a walk. (Barb lives a block away.)
>From Dave I wasn't surprised when a friend of my daughter showed me a Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged. "I won't," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?" She replied, "Honesty."
>A real old Classic from Rex Don't Try This At Home! A formula for inner peace...please read completely: I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. On the show, Dr. Phil proclaimed: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kailua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
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Thanks to Clyde for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version In a river in Slovakia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimberly Womach, 34, New Port Richey, Floriduh Jailed After Driving Drunk To McDonalds, Demanding Free Big Macs Reported by The Weekly Vice Kimberly Womach, a 34-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Sunday morning when she allegedly pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru drunk and demanded a free breakfast. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Womach pulled up to a McDonald's drive-thru at about 6 a.m. Sunday and demanded that they give her two free Big Macs because she was unsatisfied with a purchase she had received during a previous visit. When the staff informed her that they didn't have any Big Macs available because they were serving breakfast, Womach demanded two free Egg McMuffins instead. When employees informed Womach that she wouldn't be receiving a free breakfast and needed to leave, Womach parked her car in the drive-thru and refused to move. After ten minutes of arguing with Womach, store employees called authorities who arrived on the scene a few minutes later. Deputies noted a heavy smell of alcohol on Womach's breath as she informed them that her rights had been violated by the restaurant because they wouldn't meet her demands. After failing a field sobriety test, Womach was booked into jail and charged with driving under the influence. She was released later the same day after posting bond. Tech Support Pits From: Melody Re: No newsletter on Gmail Dear Webby It has been over a week since I have received your newspaper. Did I miss something? Dear Melody Your newsletter has been sent to you every night. Check your SPAM folder. You will probably have to make a filter to tell Gmail to NOT put the Humor Letter into SPAM. Just go into Settings, Filters. Once you find the spot, it is quite easy. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Face Paint with Oil You can remove face paint or other make up with olive oil or coconut oil. Put some oil on a cotton ball and rub on the face paint. Use another cotton ball to wipe up the excess paint. Finish by washing your face with soap and water. By Stella Bella Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Quebec Math Thibodeau wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Witout numbers?" Thibodeau says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says Thibodeau. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." Thibodeau stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Thibodeau stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hunnerd." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" Thibodeau leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doggie came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hunnerd. So, when I start?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Summer Season
» Summer Season

Today, July 22, in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats 
 out of town is said to have occurred on this date.
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke 
 Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under 
 mysterious circumstances.
1796 Cleveland was founded by Gen. Moses Cleaveland.
1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea 
 for the first time since being launched on October 21/1797
1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated 
 the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain.
1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New 
 York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying 
 at 250 feet.
1937 The U.S. Senate rejected President Roosevelt's proposal 
 to add more justices to the Supreme Court.
1943 American forces led by Gen. George S. Patton captured 
 Palermo, Sicily.
1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. 
 citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress.
1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti 
 tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from 
 possible attack by Iran.
1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching 
 Israel or Saudi Arabia.
2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that 
 they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter.
2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai 
 were killed in a gunfight with U.S. forces.
2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the 
 Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no 
 injuries were reported.
2004 The September 11 commission's final report was released. 
 The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited 
 "deep institutional failings within our government." 
2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, 
 lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over 
 parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 
2013  smiled


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How long should you keeo a BlackList 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 21.



By now, everyone's just about had it with the Westboro 
Baptist Church, a group whose members use national tragedies 
as opportunities to forward anti-gay hate speech. Ironically, 
their planned protests often bring communities together in 
opposition to their message. 

Some of you will remember the "Pervert Alerts", where I listed
the locations, where the perverts were planning to be a 
nuisance at a hero's funeral. Eventually some laws were
created, forcing the perverts to stay away from funerals.

After the ACLU forced the government to order the military 
to accept gay people. After that, the Westboro Perverts 
started their protest actions, making a racket at heros 
funerals and screamming that IEDs were God's revenge
and they were thanking God for killing soldiers.
They were also doing their insane protests at the funerals
of miners killed in mine accidents, claiming that the mine 
accidents were God's punishment for allowing gay people 
into the military. I really don't give a hoot about the 
gay issue, but I don't think it gives the perverts a right
to be a nuisance at a hero's funeral.

Now, an unlikely group has mounted an offensive against 
the perverts.
On Sunday, July 14, the Satanic Temple, a New York-based 
organization that seeks to foster "benevolence and empathy 
among all people" through Satan, performed a ritual called 
a "pink mass" at the Mississippi gravesite of Catherine 
Idalette Johnston, mother of WBC founder Fred Phelps Jr.

The aim? To "turn" the WBC founder's mom gay for all eternity.
"Upon completion of the pink mass ceremony, Catherine Johnston 
is now gay in the afterlife," notes the Satanic Temple website, 
which has the cheeky URL www.westboro-baptist.com. 
"Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay ... 
[and] if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to 
challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that 
his mother is now gay."

The latter assertion appears to be a play on the WBC's own 
stance that their beliefs are totally infallible.

The Pink Mass was performed twice -- once with two gay men, 
and once with two lesbians -- in an affirmation of the 
Satanist Temple's belief in "freedom and the pursuit of 
happiness for all people." The temple is now encouraging 
same-sex couples to visit the grave and perform their own 
pink masses.

According to the Satanist Temple website, temple spokesman 
Lucien Greaves officiated the ceremonies while wearing horned 
headgear, and then proceeded to put his penis on Johnston's 
grave

Even though I am neither gay nor a Satanist, I find it 
hilarious that the Satanists are mocking the perverts.
More details and pictures are at Pink Mass

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time. --- Rebecca West (1892 - 1983) Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --- Dr. Seuss
Thanks to Martin for this story: We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the \ "seniors's special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "YES!!" "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home.
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but, but, but I want to stay with you guys!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Taylor Wright, 23, Pensacola, Floriduh Ashley Wright To Deputy: "You Will Have To Shoot Through My Baby To Get To Me" Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashley Taylor Wright, a 23-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Monday after she allegedly threw her baby at deputies when they tried to arrest her for shoplifting. According to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office, Wright was at the Santa Rosa Mall in Mary Esther Monday evening when she allegedly used a baby stroller to smuggle $260 worth of clothing out of a Dillards department store. When a deputy approached her out in the parking lot, she hopped into a car and told her husband (who was the get-away driver) to flee the scene. When the deputy blocked the vehicle and ordered Wright to exit the vehicle, she held up her baby and told the deputy "You will have to shoot through the baby to get to me." She then tossed the child, who was strapped into a baby carrier, at the deputy's head and tried to flee the scene on foot. The deputy ducked and avoided getting hit by thw bay in the baby carrier and promptly tackled the bimbo to the pavement and placed her into custody. Wright was booked into the Okaloosa County Jail and charged with child abuse, petty theft and resisting an officer. Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: How long to keep blacklist? Dear Webby You mentioned at one time how long to keep addresses in the Mailwasher blacklist. I am quite happy with MailWasher, but I noticed that the blacklist file is getting quite large, and sooner or later that must be putting a load on my machine. And how do you deal with spammers that keep changing their forged sending addresses? Eliza Dear Eliza MailWasher generally ignores the sender address, unless it is in the blacklist, since most spammers forge their sender address anyway. MailWasher checks the content of spam. Persistent spammers like the Bed & Bath crooks are best dealt with a filter. It takes 20 seconds to make a filter, and you never see mail from those crooks again. To keep the blacklist short and fast, I age it off in two days. By then the spammers usually change their address anyway. For those of you who haven't got MailWasher yet, click on the MailWasher button in the left side menu and get a free trial copy. If you are only getting the plain text version, you can get the free trial at http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Conditioner For Shaving Ever wonder what to use those 'conditioner' samples that come in the mail or brands you didn't care for? Well, wonder no more! I keep those little gems for when I need to shave. I find the packets difficult to open in the shower, so just pre-open them or squeeze them all into a bottle or jar. Much cheaper than shaving gel or foam, and much nicer on your skin. A breeze when travelling too! By Laurie Young F. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it she gets really mad and starts cussing at me or dad."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him with a snarl, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.' "Leroy said, " Lady, I'm not smoking." "But you have a cigar in your mouth!", the woman said. "'Lady", Leroy answered, "I'm wearing Jockey shorts, too, but I don't ride horses indoors either."
» Canada's Ghost Train

Today, July 21, in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed 
 King of the Belgians.

1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. 
 It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. 
 The Confederates won the battle.
1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes 
 was convicted of violating the state law for teaching 
 Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later 
 overturned.
1930 The Veterans’ Administration of the United States 
 was established.
1931 CBS aired the first regularly scheduled program to be 
 simulcast on radio and television. The show featured singer 
 Kate Smith, composer George Gershwin and New York City Mayor 
 Jimmy Walker.
1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double 
 in the U.S.
1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the 
 Soviet Union.
1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II.
1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty.
1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into 
 North Vietnam and South Vietnam.
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that 
 "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book.
1961 Capt. Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to 
 rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying 
 on the Liberty Bell 7.
1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million dollars 
 in career earnings after he tied for second place at the PGA 
 Championship.
1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and 
 20-year-old men.
1987 Mary Hart, of "Entertainment Tonight", had her legs insured 
 by Lloyd’s of London for $2 million.
1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States 
 during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the 
 first time in 116 years.
2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11 
 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that 
 hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our 
 government." The report was released to the public the next day.
2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, 
 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released.
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center 
 in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle 
 program. 
2013  smiled


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Yahoo email problems 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --- Dr. Seuss When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Anyone who has gumption knows what it is, and anyone who hasn't can never know what it is. So there is no need of defining it. --- L. M. Montgomery (1874 - 1942)
Thanks to Cookie for this one: LADY'S MEDICAL During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! Don't remove your panties. Just stick out your tongue!"
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand-new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: MAIN ENTRANCE.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Miaya Ramirez, 31 and hubby Saint Ramirez, 23 in Gering, Nebraska Couple jailed For Post-Wedding Sex In Park Reported by The Smoking Gun JULY 18--A couple who this week celebrated their wedding by having sex in public view at a Nebraska park will be spending their honeymoon in separate jail cells after they pleaded guilty yesterday to indecent exposure. Police arrested Saint Ramirez, 23, and his bride Miaya, 31, after being summoned to the Oregon Trail Park by a trio of teenagers who reported spotting the duo having sex near “a big pine tree” around 8 PM. When a Gering Police Department officer drove his cruiser up to the tree, he saw “Miaya had her pants off and her buttocks exposed. Miaya was moving in an up and down motion on Saint,” according to a probable cause affidavit. “Saint had his pants pulled down to approximately his ankles,” added Officer Michael Modec. While the patrolman loudly advised them to stop, Saint and Miaya continued to have sex. The pair eventually complied and got dressed, laughing as they put their pants back on. The pair was trysting near a playground and the park swimming pool, and “numerous children” were in the immediate area, Modec reported. Asked by the cop what they were doing, “Saint stated they were having sex and had just gotten married.” The newlyweds, pictured in the above mug shots, were in the park with friends and family, including Miaya’s five-year-old daughter (apparently as part of an al fresco wedding reception). After pleading guilty yesterday to public indecency, a misdemeanor, Mr. and Mrs. Ramirez were each sentenced to 30 days in jail. Tech Support Pits From: Kim Re: Yahoo email problem Dear Webby, i have not received a humor letter for a long time now.... what happened? Kim Dear Kim I can't do more than sending it out to you. Yahoo usually drops it. There is nothing I can do about Yahoo's problems. Just get a respectable address on the side, like a Gmail address, or an address based on your ISP. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Conditioner For Shaving Ever wonder what to use those 'conditioner' samples that come in the mail or brands you didn't care for? Well, wonder no more! I keep those little gems for when I need to shave. I find the packets difficult to open in the shower, so just pre-open them or squeeze them all into a bottle or jar. Much cheaper than shaving gel or foam, and much nicer on your skin. A breeze when travelling too! By Laurie Young F. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Keli was having trouble with her computer. So she called Paul, the eight year old kid next door, over to her jouse. Paul clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Keli called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And Paul replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Keli's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" Paul gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?" "No," replied Keli. "Write it down," Paul said, "and I think you'll figure it out." She wrote: I D 1 0 T Keli USED TO like the little jerk before that.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, in her mid eighties. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "Plese tell me, do I come here often?"
» Tearless Onion Cutting:

Today, July 20, in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of 
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a 
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas 
Jefferson at the White House.
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain.
1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed 
 on all cigarette packs was passed.
1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian 
 province.
1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the 
 Battle  of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal 
 troops. (Montana)
1908 In the United States, the Sullivan Ordinance bars women 
 from  smoking in public facilities.
1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation.
1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps
 began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa.
1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate
 Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg 
 headquarters. Hitler was only wounded.
1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an 
 unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic 
 National Convention in Chicago.
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. 
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon.
1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus.
1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful 
 landing on Mars.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of 
 comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely.
1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and 
 silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." 
 The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL.
1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution 
 against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia.
1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International 
 Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency.
2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing 
 reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work
2013  smiled


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Can you change picture sizes on a Forward? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 19.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. --- Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999) Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?" They looked at each other and shook their heads. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down asking, "Why"? The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch."
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you're gonna love this one... I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered, "Could he be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then?" When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he? After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended Morgan Park High School. "Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1969. Why do you ask?" he answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. To which the ugly, old, wrinkled jerk replied, "What did you teach?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristina Michelle Brown, 23, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma I Had Sex With My Cat And Everyone Knows," Oklahoma Woman Explained To Arresting Officer Reported by Moe Convinced that a neighbor spoke to others about her having sex with a cat, an Oklahoma woman allegedly threatened the man with a knife, saying, “Do you wanna die?” Oklahoma City cops arrested Kristina Michelle Brown following her bizarre confrontation Monday afternoon with 72-year-old Elmer Morrison. The 23-year-old Brown was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon, a felony, and booked into jail, where she is being held in lieu of $5000 bail. According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, Morrison told a cop that Brown had been standing at the fence between their houses yelling, “Come outside I know you are in there.” With a small pocket knife in hand, Brown then repeatedly asked, “Do you wanna die?” When police questioned Brown, she explained she was upset with Morrison “because of what he did to me.” When a cop asked what he did to her, she replied, “Because everyone knows.” She then said, “I had sex with my cat and everyone knows.” A puzzled cop asked Brown (pictured above) what role Morrison had in the cat sex. She replied that her next-door neighbor had “no connection” to the act, saying that she was “just mad because everyone knows.” Investigators reported that Brown said Morrison “does not know about what she did with the cat, she is just mad at him and wants him to die.” In an interview, Morrison, a retired salesman, was incredulous when told of Brown’s statements to police. “This is news to me,” Morrison said, adding that he had little interaction with Brown, who has lived next to him (along with assorted family members, cats, and dogs) for several years. Morrison said that Brown sometimes appeared “glassy-eyed,” and hung out with a crowd that assembled near a local head shop. Tech Support Pits From: Pennie Re: Resizing pictures in a Forward Dear Webby, Thank you so much for the newsletters coming my way and all the wonderful information. I am curious to know how your health is doing, the last time you told about your eyes, is there any improvement? I hope and pray that it is better. Today I have a question that is bothering -- is there any way that you can re-size pictures in a e-mail, (all different sizes) all at once when you want to forward or do you have to do them one by one? Your answer will be greatly appreciated and I am sure helpful to many people. Pennie Dear Pennie The eye specialist claims there is some improvement with my eyes. He is referring to the macular and the danger of going blind. My ability to see has not improved. If you were close enough, I would probably supplement with my Braille readers '-) Re resizing pictures, if you forward, then you can't change anything. If you want to change stuff, you basically have to recreate the email and resize saved pictures one at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frozen Juice as Mini Lunch Ice Packs Save Naked or Odwalla juice bottles and fill with water and freeze. These are just the right size for a child's lunch box. When they thaw, you can have cold water to drink. These are also useful for placing in a larger cooler. By Monica from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to David for this story: Lisa, my co-worker at the travel agency, needed to send a letter of apology to a customer whose trip was a complete fiasco from start to finish. I reminded her of a similar situation a year earlier and dug out the letter I'd written then. "All you have to do," I told her, "is to change the details, the date, and the name." She looked it over and smiled wryly. "We won't even need to change the name."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
» Polarized Bruins

Today, July 18, in
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau 
 League to fight against the Reformation.
1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as 
 Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. 
 Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen.
1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market.
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic 
 translations into Greek, was found in Egypt.
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, 
 NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention.
1870 France declared war on Prussia.
1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 
 B-24 bombers attacked Rome for the first time.
1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test.
1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after 
 being linked in orbit for two days.
2013  smiled


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How to open a PPS file automatically 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 18

I took a friend up to Sheep River Falls yesterday evening.
The flood sure made a mess up there! Somehow I had not
expected any flood damage that high up in the mountains.
It took all the picknic benches near the parking area and 
messed up the road and parking area.

Down by the river there were uprooted trees and bushes
in chaotic piles twenty feet high along the shore. The trail
along the shore was of course gone or under that jumble.

The high trail was not too bad, just barely passable until
the spot, where there used to be a bridge over cut from a tiny
trickle creek. When my secretary Barb's son Malcolm got 
married to Cindy, I took a picture of them on that bridge. 
That bridge was gone. 

Well, I knew a way around that.
The big eye opener was on the rocks past the canyon.
There used to be a tree on a rocky point overlooking the 
canyon and looking very photogenic. It looked weird with
that tree gone, and part of that rocky [oint too.

Further past the canyon trees had snagged bushes and roots
and all kinds of flotsam. 



Those little trees were 120 feet above the normal water level!
And there were some huge junks of rock missing. Sure, the
side of the canyon and the rocks were cracked, but the pieces
that were knocked off and are missing must have weighed 
quite a few tons! The newly exposed rock loocked quite
different from the weathered old rock. 

Sharp edges too, I found out the hard way, when I slipped 
and stumbled and did a bit of dancing on my shins, so as
not to catch myself with my hand, that held the camera.

It must have looked hilarious me doing some weird dance 
at the edge of the canyon, camera held high, and flailing 
with my free hand. I did regain my balance without going 
down, but sure left some blood and skin off my shins on 
the rocks. No big deal, shins heal. The main thing is that
the camera was not damaged.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. --- Ambrose Bierce. "There are two things in the universe that are truly abundant: Hydrogen and Stupidity." --- Frank Zappa
Thanks to NanaRina for this: Why seniors still need newspapers I was visiting my granddaughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad." I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

Dr Bill replied re the Texan tractor yesterday: Old Zeke finally decided to give up using Mules, and buy one of them new-fangled tractors. The salesman told him it would cut his work in half - so he bought two.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Benton Mackenzie, 47, and his wife, Loretta, 41, in Long Grove, Iowa They just don't get it Reported by Sailor Deputies were turning to leave the Mackenzies' Long Grove, Iowa, home, when Benton Mackenzie allegedly called them back in to show them a court document. There on the coffee table in the basement, the deputies spotted a gram of marijuana and a pipe, Scott County Sheriff's Lt. Bryce Schmidt said. Now Benton Mackenzie, 47, and his wife, Loretta, 41, are charged for the third time in three years with drug possession. The two were in the Scott County Jail on Monday on misdemeanor charges as well as felony charges because they violated probation. A Scott County judge had given each of them probation in 2011 after they pleaded guilty to Class D felony charges of drug possession/delivery. Now they each face five years in prison for violating terms of the probation, which included abstaining from marijuana use. They allegedly violated those terms last month, when deputies searched their home at 27120 183rd Ave., and seized 50 to 75 marijuana plants. They were charged then with drug possession/delivery and spent a day in jail. Their 21-year-old son, Cody Mackenzie, was charged with misdemeanor drug possession. Benton Mackenzie's 74-year-old parents, Dorothy and Charles Mackenzie, were charged with hosting a drug house, an aggravated misdemeanor. After the June 21 search and arrest of the couple, the Iowa Department of Corrections was notified of the new charges and sent Scott County Sheriff's deputies to their home last Thursday to serve probation violation warrants. Schmidt said that's when the deputies spotted the marijuana on the coffee table. "They just don't get it," Schmidt said. They even look happy on their mug shots, as if getting free room and board away from each other for five years was the goal, that they tried to accomplish. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: PPS Dear Webby ...'sme again. I have sent a PPS file to my friend but he cannot open it. I think because he is still using XP. Do I have to convert it or do something to it, so that he can open it? Thanks for you help. Hugs Ann Dear Ann Windows XP has nothing to do with that. All he needs is a normal pps PowerPoint viewer. He can get one free from Microsoft. The easiest way to get it is to go to http://webby.com/pps That forwards to the mile long link at Microsoft. There are other free PPS viewers available, but that one is quite OK for beginners. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microwave Cloves Before Peeling If you have multiple cloves of garlic to peel, zap them in the microwave for 5-10 seconds. Let them cool for a minute or two, since they get pretty hot. The skins will easily slip off. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Glen for this one: A man was just getting himself seated at the bar when another man arrived and as he seated himself said "I'll have a Waterlou". The first man thought that the drink sounded interesting and also told the bartender "I would like what he ordered, I too will have a waterlou". The bartender set before them both a tall glass with clear liquid and a lemon wedge. Taking a big swig, the first man almost sprayed it out through his mouth and had a fit of coughing. "That tastes just like water!" he choked out. The second man said, "That's what you ordered, right Lou?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the 2nd floor too." --------- Political Science students?
» Hyper Realistic Art

Today, July 18, in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began.
1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England.
1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to 
 back the French Revolution.
1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing 
 for secret election ballots.
1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation 
 division called the Signal Corps.
1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway.
1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to 
 fight to the last man against the invading Italian army.
1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of 
 General Body Company’s factory in Chicago, IL.
1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco 
 led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa.
1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to 
 fly in combat, made its first flight.
1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the 
 battle of the hedgerows.
1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and 
 war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country
 in World War II.
1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull 
 their troops out of Vietnam.
2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore 
 train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days 
 and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several 
 days. (Maryland) 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Windows log-on prompt 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 17

Thank you Bonita!
Thank you, Frank!


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. --- Dean Martin People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have. --- Anne Tyler (1941 - ),
Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM machine down there....."
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

A Texan is bragging to his cousin in Montana. "On mah fahrm in Taxas," he drawls, "I can git on mah tractor, ride all daiy long, and still be on mah fahrm by nightfohl." "Yeah", replies his cousin, "I know what you mean. I once used to have a John Deere tractor like that too."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittany Harris, 25, West Palm Beach, Floriduh Jailed After Leaving Two Young Children Alone In Parking Lot To Watch Concert Reported by The Weekly Vice Brittany Harris, a 25-year-old Florida bonehead, was jailed Sunday after she left her two young children out in a crowded parking lot while she attended a Lil Wayne concert. According to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, a deputy was working the Lil Wayne concert at the Cruzan Amphitheater Sunday night when a concert staff member brought him two children (ages 3 and 5) who had been abandoned out in the parking lot by their mother. The staff member told the deputy that the two children were observed alone out in the parking lot for several hours before they were questioned about where their parent(s) might be. Investigators say the children told the staff member and deputies that their mother, identified as Brittany Harris, left them in the parking lot to attend the concert. About 45 minutes later, deputies made contact with Harris in the parking lot as she was leaving the concert. Harris initially told deputies that her cousin brought the children to the concert. She then admitted to bringing the children and then leaving them in the car so she could watch the concert. Harris was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and charged with two counts of child neglect. Her bond has been set at $6,000. The two children were placed into protective custody. Tech Support Pits From: Tuck Re: Get rid of Windows log-on prompt Dear Webby You have a great newsletter it is the first one I read every day. Keep up the good work. How do I get rid of the log on prompt in Windoze 7? I want to turn the computer on, go make coffee, and expect it to be up and ready for me, when I get back to it. Thanks Tuck Dear Tuck Click on START and paste this into the Search field: netplwiz It will eventually find it and show it highlighted in a search window. You will, after a few seconds, get a screen named USER ACCOUNTS Among other information you see a checkmarked checkbox. by a line about User must enter name and password Take that checkmark off, hit Hit APPLY and OK. That is all there is to it. No problem at all, as long as you know that top secret wizzards spell: netplwiz Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Puzzle Pieces in Ziploc Bags My toddler grandson loves puzzles. We have many boxes of them - 35-55 pieces each. So the pieces don't get mixed up with other puzzles, I bag each puzzle in a zip locked baggy (sandwich size) and place it back into the puzzle box. No lost pieces or mixed up puzzles. By Shirley from Shepherdsville, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thaks to Mona for this story: Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"
» Hyper Realistic Art

Today, July 17, in
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade.
1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, 
 which ended the 100 Years' War.
1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at 
 Rochefort, France.
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S.
1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath 
 the Chicago River. The three-year project cost $512,709.
1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took 
 Santiago de Cuba during the Spanish-American War.
1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name.
1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin 
 Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives 
 for an office building that could house 40,000 War Department 
 employees on his desk by the following Monday morning. 
 The building became known as the Pentagon.
1945 U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and 
 British Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting 
 at Potsdam in the final Allied summit of World War II. 
 During the meeting Stalin made the comment that 
 "Hitler had escaped."
1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist 
 army on the Yangtze River.
1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a 
 Moscow court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union.
1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North 
 Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes.
1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft 
 in orbit. It was the first link up between the U.S. and 
 Soviet Union.
1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its 
 last 400 stores.
1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the 
 genome (genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium.
2013  smiled


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How long to keep a blacklist 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 16


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The computing field is always in need of new cliches. --- Alan Perlis
Thanks to Connie for this: My mother-in-law says that she can not understand how the lackluster, low mentality, loser that her daughter had the misfortune to marry could have produced such smart, intelligent, beautiful, and wonderful grandchildren. She is inclined to believe that genetics skips every other generation. Therefore she is not holding out much hope for her great-grandchildren.
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered. "All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin Charles Tobergta, 34, Hamilton, Ohio Edwin Tobergta - Jailed After Having Sex With Pool Raft….. Again! Reported by The Weekly Vice Edwin Charles Tobergta, a 34-year-old Ohio man, was jailed Wednesday after he was allegedly caught by a child having sex with a rubber raft. And if this story seems a little too familiar, there's a reason for that. This isn't Edwin's first incident that involves having sex with inflatable objects. In August, 2011 Tobergta was arrested when he stole a neighbor's pool raft and began having sex with it. This time Tobergta was arrested after he allegedly stripped naked and began having sex with a pink inflatable pool raft in an ally behind his home. The incident took place in front of several children, one of who was the owner of the raft. Tobergta picked up the raft and went back into his home after one of the children shouted at him to stop. Besides the 2011 incident, Tobergta was also arrested in 2002 when he was caught having sex with an inflatable pumpkin. Tobergta has been jailed at least 5 times in recent years for similar acts. Tobergta, who has now been indicted by a grand jury, was booked into the Butler County Jail and charged with felony public indecency. He remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: How long to keep blacklist? Dear Webby You mentioned at one time how long to keep addresses in the Mailwasher blacklist. I am quite happy with MailWasher, but I noticed that the blacklist file is getting quite large, and sooner or later that must be putting a load on my machine. And how do you deal with spammers that keep changing their forged sending addresses? Eliza Dear Eliza MailWasher generally ignores the sender address, unless it is in the blacklist, since most spammers forge their sender address anyway. MailWasher checks the content of spam. Persistent spammers like the watch sellers are best dealt with a filter. It takes 20 seconds to make a filter, and you never see mail from those crooks again. To keep the blacklist short and fast, I age it off in two days. By then the spammers usually change their address anyway. For those of you who haven't got MailWasher yet, click the link and and get a free trial copy. You can get the free trial at http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mechanical Pencil as Stylus I saw my daughter using one of her empty mechanical pencils as a stylus on her DSI. I am sure it could be used on any electronic which has a touch screen. Editor's Note: Be sure your mechanical pencil does not have a metal tip as this might scratch the screen. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to make a perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner, but there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don't know," said the farmer. "I can't catch him!"
» The Slinky

Today, July 16, in
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of 
 Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war.
1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured 
 Stony Point, NY.
1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was set 
 as the permanent seat of the United States Government.
1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed 
 to ratify the constitution.
1875 The new French constitution was finalized.
1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo.
1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in 
 "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken 
 near the Florida Keys.
1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to make 
 use of parking meters.
1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the 
 invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion.
1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held 
 them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an 
 agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had 
 agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested 
 foreign Jews.
1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their 
 drive toward Germany.
1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb 
 in a test at Alamogordo, NM.
1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. 
 They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup 
 soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was 
 first published.
1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and 
 began the first manned mission to land on the moon.
1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing 
 Hasan al-Bakr to resign.
1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of 
 Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan.
2013  smiled


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Adding a path to new programs or data 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 15 


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I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. --- Wayne Gretzky (1961 - )
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

"Oh Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken." "Oh no - how long has this been going on?" "About a year!" "A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?" "Well, we need the eggs."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wanda Lee Ann Podgurski, 60, in jail now Fugitive Tweets 'Catch Me If You Can', Gets Caught Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver A fugitive Manhattan Beach woman, who disappeared after being convicted of disability and insurance fraud in January, tweeted, "Catch me if you can," on June 5. She was caught on July 4. Wanda Lee Ann Podgurski, 60, was apprehended Thursday in Rosarita, Mexico, by the Fugitive Task Force. Her case was turned over to the U.S. Marshals and the Computer and Technology Crime High-Tech Response Team. The tweet is thought to have been directed at San Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis: Podgurski's Twitter account has since been deleted, after having first tweeted out words of congratulations to the D.A.'s Office and U.S. Marshals. The former Amtrak clerk had previously been sentenced in absentia to 20 years in prison after being convicted of collecting over $650,000 in disability and insurance payments from seven insurance companies and one government agency after faking fall injuries, reports the L.A. Times. She claimed she slipped and fell at her home in 2006, which caused her to be severely disabled. Podgurski was also ordered to pay more than $1 million in fines and restitution. While she was "injured" and requiring "in-home care," Podgurski traveled to a number of destinations, including China, the Dominican Republic, New York, Seattle, Boston and Fort Lauderdale. During the two-month trial, she was free on $500,000 bail. She fled after her conviction. Her last known address was in Manhattan Beach, though she had previously lived in various places throughout Southern California, including Encinitas, Fallbrook and Leucadia. U.S. Marshals reportedly did not publicly announce how exactly they tracked down Podgurski, but Dumanis suggested the tweet played a pivotal role in her capture, perhaps thanks to an IP address. Dumanis said of Podgurski, "The defendant in this case was brazen in both the large-scale fraud she committed and the way she mocked the criminal justice system." With a tweet like that, we'd say "mocked" is the perfect word. Podgurski pleaded not guilty Monday to failure to appear while free on bail, according to Fox News. She now faces more than 30 years in prison for her ultimately unsuccessful disappearing act. Her bail money is now due in full, and she will not get bail again, ever. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Typo in Preserve picture file creation date Dear Webby, That should have been CMD not CMS Close, but not quite right. By the way, if somebody thought robocopy or the Windows Resource kit was suspicious and dumped it at one time, they can get it again from http://www.petri.co.il/download_windows ... _tools.htm Walter Dear Walter You are right, that should indeed be CMD Still typing more by feel than sight. If you have to put the Resource Kit into the path, add this line to your bat: path %path%;C:\Program Files\Windows Resource Kits\Tools That should do the trick Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Packing Material Save all the packing elements from the gifts you got through the mail. The bubble wrap, plastic peanuts, pillows, etc. can easily be re-used. Not to mention padded bags, etc. It's frugal and green, too! By Pamphyila from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me who uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121." Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't understand." "Oh, nohtin , Senor," the new page said. "I jus donnow how to dial ta capital four!"
» Ugly mix of duck, beaver & otter

Today, July 15, in
1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders.
1410 Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights at 
 Tannenburg, Prussia.
1789 The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live without 
 the authority of the government.
1813 Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the Allies 
 in Prague to discuss peace terms.
1888 "Printers’ Ink" was first sold.
1901 Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike.
1904 The first Buddhist temple in the U.S. was established 
 in Los Angeles, CA.
1916 In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was incorporated 
 by William Boeing. The company was later renamed Boeing Co.
1942 The first supply flight from India to China over the 'Hump' 
 was carried to help China's war effort.
1958 Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon, to 
 protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew 
 October 25, 1958.
1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close-up 
 pictures of the planet Mars.
1968 Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the 
 U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet, landed 
 at Kennedy International Airport in New York.
1987 Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law.
2013  smiled


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Preserving picture creation dates when copying 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 14 

Back in the saddle again!



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A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to payoff with your money. --- G. Gordon Liddy The Carbon Tax scheme is just a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --- D.W. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850) Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! --- Pericles (430 B.C.) Marriage worked well in the 18th century because people only lived to be 40. --- Meade
Thanks to Sandie for sending this classic: The computer swallowed grandma Yes, honestly it's true. She pressed 'control' and 'enter' And disappeared from view. It devoured her completely, The thought just makes me squirm. She must have caught a virus Or been eaten by a worm. I've searched through the recycle bin And files of every kind; I've even used the Internet, But nothing did I find. In desperation, I asked Jeeves My searches to refine. The reply from him was negative, Not a thing was found 'online.' So, if inside your 'Inbox,' My Grandma you should see, Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her And send her back to me! This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the computer. They are the greatest!!! -------------- And some GreatGrammas too!
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For bathroom facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the water. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That evening his dad sternly told him to sit down. Knowing he was in trouble, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version First white one of the year Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Thomas, 33, Ocala, Floriduh Florida man robs gas station after applying for job Reported by Helen Police say 33-year-old Anthony Thomas was at an Ocala, Florida gas station applying for a job. When the clerk leaves the counter, security cameras show Thomas reaching over and grabbing a handful of cash — around $130 — out of the open register. On Tuesday morning, shortly after filling out a job application with his actual name, Ocala police say Anthony D. T homas, 33, who was standing by a door in the gas station, pilfered money from a drawer and left. A surveillance video shows the theft, which occurred while a store employee wasn't looking. Thomas was arrested and faces charges of burglary, petit theft and resisting arrest with violence, according to the Ocala Police Department. OPD received a call from the Citgo, 1517 SW College Road in Ocala, at 9:48 a.m. A member of the agency's Special Deployment Unit and other officers got a description of the suspect. Thomas was a frequent visitor at the store, where he would buy cigarettes. The officer caught Thomas and held onto him briefly, but the suspect fought him off and squirmed away, according to OPD. The officer grabbed him again and, with help from officers Jeff Hall and Brett Casteel, was able to make the arrest. They reported finding most of the cash on him. Police said $130 was stolen. The suspect had been wearing a shirt during the burglary. Thomas had on jean shorts but no shirt or shoes when arrested. "I did not go into no cash register to get no money," Thomas told a reporter after his arrest. "I didn't rob no store." Tech Support Pits From: Nigle Re: Preserve picture file creation date Dear Webby, When I try to copy pictures to my back-up drive, Windows stomps over the file creation date with the copy date, which is totally useless. Is there a way around that? Thanks Nigle Dear Nigle Not officially, but there IS a way. You have to go into DOS, which is still underneath all the glitter. Click on START type CMS and hit ENTER. The scary black DOS screen pops up. In there, type robocopy /? That will give you all the command options for robocopy I would agree, that is a lot more information than almost all of you, except maybe Moe, are interested in or can digest. All you need, thugh is robocopy source destination Let's say the source are the pictures on the camera chip g:\ and they are in g:\DCIM\303CANON and the destination is the \pix\CANON\July folder on the E: drive. So your command would be robocopy g:\DCIM\303CANON e:\pix\CANON\July Actually quite simple, if you don't complicate it. Robocopy copies the entire folder by default. You can narrow that down by using wildcards, but for your purposes, the entire folder is probably best. Robocopy preserves the creation dates by default, which is usually of extreme importance to photographers. We really don't give a hoot about when a picture was copied from a chip to a drive, we want to know, when the picture was taken. Spend a bit of time getting familiar with robocopy. If typo-ing that whole command is too strenuous on your typo finger, or if you want to delegate that chore to your spouse, you can write a BAT to automate it Use a plain text editor like NoteMaid, NoteTab, or even Notepad or WordPad. With the last two, you have to watch the file saving, They like to change the extension and piss .txt at the end. That kills a BAT. A BAT needs to have .bat as the extension. Save the file as pixcopy.bat or something like that, at a place, that you can find easily, for example right at the top of the C: drive. In the file write: @echo off robocopy g:\DCIM\303CANON e:\pix\CANON\July echo ****** Copied ******* PAUSE exit Save it. Then find that pixcopy.bat with the file explorer, and make a shortcut to it. Drag the shortcut onto the desktop. Change the icon to that shortcut to one, that makes sense for that. Now, when your spouse clicks on that shortcut icon, Robocopy copies all the files from the g:\DCIM\303CANON folder on the camera chip onto e:\pix\CANON\July and then prompts him with white text on a black screen: ****** Copied ******* Hit any key When he does, the black DOS screen disappears. If you want to be devious, you can write in the BAT: @echo off robocopy g:\DCIM\303CANON e:\pix\CANON\July echo ****** Copied ******* PAUSE echo not THAT key! PAUSE exit Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Pads for Protecting Hardwood Floors My dining room chairs were scratching my hardwood floors. Instead of spending money on the stick-on felt thingys that fall off, I cut furry fabric (I used a 2 liter bottle cap as a template for cutting) and hot glued them to the feet of all my chairs. By Jenn from Lenox, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Morro Bay, California, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent chilly spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical! Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants! for the night. That's when he left her and moved to Alaska. No snakes there.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jack was driving home after a hard days work, and he was not in a good mood. Nothing at the office had gone right, and so when he was about to make the turn off and a car came wildly careening around the corner in his lane, he was furious! To make matters worse, the lady driving the car, a former neighbor whom he knew well, stuck her head out the window and yelled, "PIG! PIG!" Jack couldn't contain himself any longer. He rolled down his window, stuck his head out, and shouted, "BATTLE AXE!" Still fuming, he drove around the corner, and ran into a big pig, standing in the middle of the road.
» Wedding Customs Around the World

Today, July 14, in
1223 - In France, Louis VIII succeeded his father, Philip 
 Augustus.
1430 - Joan of Arc, taken prisoner by the Burgundians in May, 
 was handed over to Pierre Cauchon, the bishop of Beauvais.
1456 - Hungarians defeated the Ottomans at the Battle of 
  Belgrade.
1536 - France and Portugal signed the naval treaty of Lyons, 
  which aligned them against Spain.
1789 - French Revolution began when Parisians stormed the 
 Bastille prison and released the seven prisoners inside.
1798 - The U.S. Congress passed the Sedition Act. The act 
 made it a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false 
 or malicious statements about the U.S. government.
1868 - Alvin J. Fellows patented the tape measure.
1891 - The primacy of Thomas Edison's lamp patents was 
  upheld in the court decision Electric Light Company 
  vs. U.S. Electric Lighting Company.
1900 - European Allies retook Tientsin, China, from the 
 rebelling Boxers.
1911 - Harry N. Atwood landed an airplane on the lawn of 
 the White House to accept an award from U.S. President Taft.
1914 - Robert H. Goddard patented liquid rocket-fuel.
1933 - All German political parties except the Nazi Party 
 were outlawed.
1940 - A force of German Ju-88 bombers attacked Suez, Egypt, 
 from bases in Crete.
1945 - American battleships and cruisers bombarded the 
 Japanese home islands for the first time.
1946 - Dr. Benjamin Spock’s "The Common Sense Book of 
  Baby and Child Care" was first published.
1951 - The first sports event to be shown in color, 
 on CBS-TV, was the Molly Pitcher Handicap at Oceanport, NJ.
1958 - The army of Iraq overthrew the monarchy.
1965 - The American space probe Mariner 4 flew by Mars, 
 and sent back photographs of the planet.
1998 - Los Angeles sued 15 tobacco companies for $2.5 billion 
 over the dangers of secondhand smoke.
2008 - The iTunes Music Store reached 10 million applications 
 downloaded.
2009 - The iTunes Music Store reached 1.5 billion applications 
 downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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How to stop FireFox from reverting to an unwanted, bad version 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 9

Today I have to go to Calgary for more 
injections into my eyeballs. That means no send-out
of any newsletters on Thursday, Friday, Saturday.


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The fragrance always remains in the hand that gives the rose. --- Heda Bejar
"Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor.
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

A classic: A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man then proceeded to look directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Bowman, 30, from Kansas City Missouri 19-Year-Old Slizzard Bloodies Grandpa’s Nose And Bites His Grandma After They Confront Him For Drinking Up Their Wine Reported by Bossip Interesting description they use for that Bonehead! A Deltona slizzard confronted by his grandmother for drinking her two bottles of wine bit her on the shoulder, investigating Volusia deputies said. Blake Hale, 19, also gave his 70-year-old grandpa a bloody nose, an arrest report shows. Deputies were called to the Albury Avenue home in Deltona at 7:49 p.m. Tuesday where 59-year-old Sue Wilson reported her grandson had bitten her, investigators said. Wilson said Hale was acting drunk when she came home and she noticed her two bottles of wine were empty, deputies said. The woman reported Hale became defensive, angry and started yelling obscenities at her. The verbal argument escalated into a physical confrontation and Hale started to bite Wilson on the shoulder as she walked out the front door, the report said. Wilson had a bite mark on her right shoulder, deputies said. When deputies made contact with Wilson’s 70-year-old husband, he reported Hale had punched him and given him a bloody nose. Deputies arrested Hale and charged him with battery on a person 65 years or older and battery, the arrest report states. Tech Support Pits From: Mare Re: FireFox reverted to bad #22 Dear Webby, Webby, I am so frustrated. I read the letter from the lady who was unhappy with the new Firefox (as I also am very unhappy with it) And took your advice. All was good. I had my normal size print back and my Roboform was back. However, the next day when I turned my computer on, I was right back to the new Firefox. How do I change it and KEEP it? Thanks for so much help in the past. I hope all goes well with your shots. Will you have to do this for the rest of your life? It sounds so painful and my heart goes out to you. Take care and thanks. Mare in Maryland Dear Mare Have not written to you in too long a time! How are you? In FireFox click on TOOLS OPTIONS ADVANCED and set the buttons like this: It will occasionally nag you about updating, but that nag pop-up clicks away with one click. Re the shots, I have to go again tomorrow. No idea how many more times I have to go. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laundry Washing And Drying Tips I supplement regular detergent with borax, and wash in cold water always. When using the clothes dryer (if it's too cold and wet to dry outside or on a rack inside), I throw in a couple clean tennis balls. They move the clothes around more, preventing the inevitable lumping of wet laundry. By Tarah B. from Moses Lake, WA A bit of liquid fabric softener added to the wash makes line dried laundry nice and soft. The benefit is that you are not ripping a year off clothes, like you do every time you put it into a dryer. That handful of lint in the lint catcher is what the dryer ripped off the fabric. I have some shirts, that are over twenty years old, and except for being in dire need of ironing, they are still like new. When I retire, I am going to learn how to iron shirts. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
» Pretty Froggies

Today, July 10, in
1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under 
 the leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria.
1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony.
1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in 
 New York City.
1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared 
 war on England.
1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was 
 sold by Spain.
1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil.
1890 Wyoming became the 44th state to join the United States.
1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane at an 
 altitude of one mile.
1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 
 134 degrees in Death Valley, CA.
1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures.
1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world.
1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II.
1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. 
 The picture tube measured 16 by 12 and sold for $12.
1951 Armistice talks aimed at ending the Korean conflict began
1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time 
 in 133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown.
1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea 
 after heavy fighting.
1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. 
 The satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between 
 Europe and the U.S.
1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after 
 three centuries of British colonial rule.
1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, 
 it was renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced 
 that they would continue to sell "New" Coke.
1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against 
 South Africa, citing its "profound transformation" toward 
 racial equality.
1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton 
 supported a theory that all humanity descended from an 
 "African Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago.
2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents" 
 sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's.
2013  smiled


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Laptop and air travel 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 9

On Wednesday I have to go to Calgary for more 
injections into my eyeballs. That means no send-out
of any newsletters on Thursday, Friday, Saturday.



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge. --- Edward Chilton All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why. --- James Thurber
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments. "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The other campers laughed and retorted, "Those black snakes aren't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a hundred-fifty-foot cliff, he is!!!!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Bowman, 30, from Kansas City Missouri Dopey accident victim attempts to kidnap baby of couple that stopped to help him Reported by Sailor Andre Bowman, 30, from Kansas City Missouri was high on PCP when he fell out of a moving car. He then got run over by the vehicle behind him who did not realize that the man just fallen to the ground. Apparently the driver of the vehicle, that ran over Bowman, was under the influence of something strong, and did not notice he had driven over a body. The accident happened around 2 p.m. on Saturday near I-70 & Blue Ridge Cutoff. Some other passing drivers stopped to help Bowman, since his intoxication made it appear as if he was seriously hurt. One couple, Sarah Morris and Matthew Nicotra, who stopped to Bowman help him, had their two babies in the backseat of their car. All of a sudden the "injured" man jumped up and ran to the couple’s car and he tried to kidnap their 2-month-old-baby girl who was inside her car seat. “He was trying to grab her out of the back seat, I got out, grabbed him, told him to let go of my daughter and he wouldn’t let go,” said the baby’s father Matthew Nicotra. “The parents kept yelling at him and pulling the car seat so he couldn’t take the baby, that’s when other drivers stepped in to help.” said one onlooker. Friends of Bowman however say that he is a victim himself. The man was left heartbroken after his 18-month-old daughter Ada, was killed last month by her mother’s boyfriend. The boyfriend, 24-year -old Bryant L. Sykes Jr., admitted to throwing the girl up against the wall. The mother and her boyfriend are facing charges in the death of the young girl. His friend believes that he was not trying to hurt the baby. She believes that the little white girl in the car reminded him of his daughter and he snapped. Bowman is trying to get custody of his other two children Angelicia, 2, and Amileo, 3, but this incident might end his chances of getting custody of his kids. Being so stoned, that he fell out of a car, is not a sign of a good father. As of now, Bowman is in the hospital pending charges of attempted child abduction. Tech Support Pits From: Erika Re: Laptop and air travel Dear Webby, Considering the new restrictions, what do you recommend re laptops, especially if they have to go into the checked luggage? Erika Dear Erika In most places they allow laptops onto the planes again. However, if they don't, take out the hard drive and put it into your purse or wallet. You can even get padded drive wallets made for USB drives. Laptop drives are small enough that you can easily jam them into even a very tight camera case. All you need to take it out and put it back in is a small Phillips screwdriver. The type that looks like a short pencil and goes on a key ring is ideal, but a key, with the edges at the tip sharpened a bit, works fine too. However, if it looks like a screwdriver, put it into the checked luggage. TSA agents seem to be fascinated by screwdrivers and anything, that looks essential, and will confiscate it for sure. The rest of the laptop is replaceable. Don't get one of thoe fancy show-off Zero-Halliburton padded metal cases! Their locks are not TSA approved and your laptop may stay behind while you travel. A fancy case will just tempt somebody to rip it off. When you pack, keep in mind that when the baggage handlers slam the luggage onto the conveyor, they do it with the top down and wheels UP. Put the laptop somewhere in the middle, cushioned by clothes,not near the top of the case. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Flat Sheets Over Comforter With a king sized bed, washing bedding is a major task - and washing blankets and comforters sometimes necessitates a trip to a laundromat to use the high capacity machines. Having two cats sleeping (and shedding) on the bed does not make this any easier. I have a duvet cover for my comforter, but even that takes up an entire load on its own, and in the summer we don't use the comforter at all. I simplified my life, and reduced my laundry expenses, by buying a few flat sheets that coordinate with my bedding and decor. When I make the bed, I spread the flat sheet across the top of the bed (I usually turn it sideways so it hangs nicely - but each sheet varies a bit in dimensions). When I change my sheets, I just grab this sheet also - throw them all in the wash together - and then I have a hair free bed topper and less bulk in my laundry. By Regina from Rochester, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright - you can have your freaking deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How's that?" "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a depression."
» Know Dolls Houses, Past & Present:

Today, July 9, in
0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city.
0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became 
 Emperor of the West.
1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage 
 to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled.
1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted 
 Bohemia freedom of worship.
1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet 
 at the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea.
1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker.
1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain.
1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel.
1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas 
 Sanders and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company.
1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe.
1943 American and British forces made an amphibious landing on Sicily.
1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to 
 Lt. Philip Mountbatten was announced.
1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end 
 the state of war between the United States and Germany.
1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility of the 
 Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units.
1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined 
 $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield.
2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a 
 large ramp and jumped across the Great Wall of China.
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Forwarding lines or symbols 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 8


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. --- Beverly Sills The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it. --- Patrick Young "Everyone wants to save the earth. Nobody wants to help mom with the dishes" --- P.J. O'Rourke
The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn. I avoid the toilet paper isle.
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man, replied, "it's Thursday." The third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Alvarado, 25, El Paso, TX Stabbed Mother 12 Times After Accusing Her Of Being Possessed By The Devil Reported by The Weekly Vice Jennifer Alvarado, a 25-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly stabbed her mother a dozen times because she believed her mother was "possessed by the devil." According to El Paso police, officers were dispatched Tuesday at 9:45 p.m. after neighbors called to report a stabbing. Police arrived on the scene to find Alvarado walking the neighborhood without any clothes on and covered with blood. Responding officers discovered her mother, 56-year-old Barbara Herrera, laying on the ground outside their home. She was covered with blood from 12 stab wounds, according to the arrest affidavit. Investigators say Alvarado used a kitchen knife to stab her mother in the face, breasts, abdomen, back and shoulder areas. Herrera was taken to University Medical Center of El Paso where she is listed in serious but stable condition. Neighbors told police they saw the two women struggling and heard Alvarado shouting that she was going to kill her mother because she was evil and possessed by the devil. Alvarado was booked into the El Paso County Jail and charged with suspicion of attempted murder. Her bond has been set at $200,000. Tech Support Pits From: Janet Re: Line on the side of mail Dear Webby, Love this Newsletter!! Thanks you for all your hard work. So happy someone told me about it. I have a computer question. How do you get rid of the blue or black line that is on the left of an e-mail when forwarded?? Janet Dear Janet The line or > marks on the left side are there on purpose, to show what had been sent to you and differentiate it from what you had added. That is standard with all email programs. If you want to make it look like you had written the stuff that somebody has sent to you, copy it into a new email instead of forwarding, or copy and paste it above the received stuff and then delete the received part. With some email programs you CAN turn that line off. Look in the Help for "Prefix for Original Message when Replying or Forwarding". If you don't want a permanent setting like that, but just strip the forwarding prefix marks >>>> from chain letters and hoax mails, you can use StripMail. You can download it free from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Look for this icon: Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Designate an Area In Your Fridge for Leftovers Leftovers usually need to be used first so create a space on the top shelf of your fridge just for leftovers. It will help you use them before they go bad and prevent moldy surprises when you clean out your fridge. Also, try to use clear tupperware or glass jars for leftovers so you can see what is in them at a glance. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?"
» Know The Lies

Today, July 8, in
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around 
 Jerusalem.
1608 The first French settlement at Quebec was established by 
 Samuel de Champlain.
1663 King Charles II of England granted a charter to 
 Rhode Island.
1693 Uniforms for police in New York City were authorized.
1709 Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, in 
 the Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended.
1755 Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as 
 their disputes in the New World intensified.
1794 French troops captured Brussels, Belgium.
1815 Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat of 
 Napoleon.
1865 C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun.
1879 The first ship to use electric lights departed from 
 San Francisco, CA.
1881 Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured 
 chocolate syrup onto ice cream in a dish. To that time 
 chocolate syrup had only been used for making ice-cream sodas.
1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last 
 championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds.
1950 General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of 
 United Nations forces in Korea.
1960 The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He 
 was shot down in a U-2 spy plane.
1963 All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen.
1981 The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane 
 to cross the English Channel.
1986 Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria 
 despite controversy over his alleged ties to Nazi war crimes.
1997 NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to 
 join the alliance in 1999.
2010 The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight 
 by a solar powered plane.
2013  smiled


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McAfee does not like XP-SP2 any more 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 7


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Only the mediocre are always at their best. --- Jean Giraudoux (1882 - 1944) Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel. --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. --- George Orwell
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is a check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevin Patrick Smith, Upper East Side, NY Westie gang member busted by feds caught with to-do list with 'rob bank' written down Reported by Karl One New York bank robbery suspect was so well organized that cops found a to-do list with the words “rob bank” written on it in the crook’s Manhattan apartment after his arrest, sources said. Fastidious felon Kevin Patrick Smith, a Westies gang associate who once did 10 years for bank robbery, was busted yesterday outside his Upper East Side building as he headed out to rob a bank in New Paltz, the feds said. The cash-strapped ex-con needed money to pay his legal bills and other debts, the FBI said. Smith allegedly hired an unwitting livery cabby to drive him nearly 80 miles to the Ulster County town, where he planned to hit a Wells Fargo bank yesterday. The conscientious con should have spent more time vetting his cronies than drawing up lists. Thanks to his accomplice — an FBI informant — Smith was arrested by an FBI SWAT team as he left his apartment at 8 a.m.. The unidentified livery driver, who was waiting nearby, was questioned and released without charges. Midtown-based GroundLink Car and Limo Service said the round trip to New Paltz would have cost $530, including tip. According to court papers, Smith, 56, was planning to pick up the accomplice and a .44 Magnum handgun he had stashed in a Bronx storage facility before heading north to knock over the bank. The accomplice secretly recorded Smith for the FBI as they plotted the heist, the Manhattan federal court complaint says. Smith allegedly approached the unidentified snitch on Wednesday and recruited him for the holdup, saying he had a driver who would take them to the bank. During a follow-up meeting the next day, Smith drew a map of the area and said he would bring the gun, as well as gloves, a ski mask and a bag for the loot, which the accomplice agreed to help him load in the trunk, according to the complaint. “Smith explained that he needed cash to pay off debts, including money owed to his lawyer, credit cards and rent,” FBI Agent Michael Powers wrote in the complaint. When Smith was nabbed, he was carrying a bag that was “partially hidden by a heavy winter coat,” and which contained a black T-shirt, three pairs of gloves and a key. He was charged with one count of attempted bank robbery, which carries up to 25 years in prison. The Westies were a feared Irish-American gang that ran violent extortion and loan-sharking rackets out of Manhattan’s Hell’s Kitchen before being broken up with the help of turncoat member Francis “Mickey” Featherstone in the late 1980s. Last year, The Post revealed the gang was back in business under the leadership of John Bokun. Tech Support Pits From: Chuck Re: McAfee does not like XP-SP2 any more Hi Webby, I can't believe the notice I just received from McAfee. It said they no longer will support XP with service pack 2. Do you have any suggestion on how to keep my XP with a working anti virus? Chuck Dear Chuck SP3 has been fixed and is quite OK now. Just up your XP to SP3, and everything should be fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Windows With Coffee Filters Clean windows with coffee filters by saturating them with window cleaner, all purpose cleaner, or vinegar. They are durable and will not leave lint like a paper towels does. You can put in an airtight container and have ready to use wipes available at all times. By lessisbest from Wilmington, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
» Critters Galore

Today, July 7, in
1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at 
 Monterey after the surrender of a Mexican garrison.
1862 The first railroad post office was tested on the 
 Hannibal and St. Joseph Railroad in Missouri.
1885 G. Moore Peters patented the cartridge-loading machine.
1898 The United States annexed Hawaii.
1920 A device known as the radio compass was used for 
 the first time on a U.S. Navy airplane near Norfolk, VA.
1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, 
 on the Colorado River.
1937 Japanese forces invaded China.
1950 The U.N. Security Council authorized military aid 
 for South Korea.
1969 Canada's House of Commons gave final approval to 
 a measure that made the French language equal to 
 English throughout the national government.
2011 The world's first artificial organ transplant was achieved. 
 It was an artificial windpipe coated with stem cells. 
2013  smiled


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Alternate Home Page 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, July 6.


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over- aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peggy Hill, 62, Bradenton, Floriduh Jailed On Felony Battery Charge After Kissing Cop On The Nose Reported by the Smoking Gun A Florida woman is jailed on a felony battery on a law enforcement officer charge after she allegedly kissed a cop on the nose. Peggy Hill, 62, was arrested late Saturday evening outside her Bradenton residence by Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies who had arrived at the home in response to a call about a dispute between Hill and a neighbor about a fence between their properties. As Hill was conversing with Sergeant Randy Lamb, “she approached him and kissed him on his nose against his will.” Lamb, an 18-year veteran, stepped away from Hill and “wiped off the saliva from his nose,” according to an arrest report. With the help of another deputy, Lamb took Hill to the ground and handcuffed her. In a post-arrest interview, Hill said that Lamb “was being aggressive towards her,” and that “the thought just popped in her head to kiss him on his nose, so she kissed him on his nose.” Hill told deputies that she had consumed “about 3 glasses of wine” before deputies arrived at her home. Pictured in the above mug shot, the retired Hill was booked into the county jail early Sunday for felony battery. She is being held in lieu of $5000 bond and is scheduled for a July 19 court appearance. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Alternate Home Page Dear Webby on this google page I can get to my email which is Gmail, now does that change? how will I get to my email? Ann. Dear Ann If it isn't, enable your FireFox Navigation Bar. Go to https://mail.google.com/mail/ Drag the little icon from the left of the address bar onto your Navigation bar. That's all there is to it. I have all my most visited sites on that Navigation bar. You can shuffle them around to have the most important ones on the left, or on the right, or in the middle. Just drag them. If you have Gmail in one corner of your Navigation bar, just hit that whenever you want Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pickle Jar Incense Burner I was on the patio and I wanted to burn some incense. I found this pickle jar and put the incense stick upside down in the pickle jar and fastened the wood part with a clothepin. It made a lot of smoke and looked nice, in addition to keeping the bugs away from me. I thought that was interesting that incense would do that. I would never leave it unattended, although this is a more pet safe way to burn incense than some of my incense holders I have in the house. By Anna S. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An American traveling through Europe is riding a train in Germany. At one point, the ticket inspector comes into the compartment, punches the passengerís ticket, and then chats cordially in German for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. The man, who speaks no German, simply smiles and nods from time to time to show that he is interested. Finally, the ticket inspector bows and leaves the compartment. At that point, a woman sitting across from the man leans forward and says in English, "You don't speak any German, do you?" "No," the man says. "Then that explains why you didn't bat an eye when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction and that the next stop is an hour from now."
» Pompous Toons

Today, July 6, in
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned.
1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in 
 Boston, MA, and deported back to England.
1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during 
 the American Revolution.
1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine.
1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine. 
 The child used in the test later became the director of 
 the Pasteur Institute.
1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between 
 officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question 
 was John Walker.
1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence 
 captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks.
1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established.
1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half 
 years. About 600,000 people died.
1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed 
 after five years of house arrest by a federal court.
1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase 
 Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion.
1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that retirement plans 
 could not pay women smaller monthly payments solely 
 because of their gender.
1988 Several popular beaches were closed in 
 New York City due to medical waste and other debris 
 washing up on the seashores.
1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot 
 rover on the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on 
 the red planet on July 4th.
1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland 
 after British authorities blocked an Orange Order march 
 in Portadown.
2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million 
 for the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book 
 Spawn and the HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled 
 with Twist out of court for an undisclosed amount. 
2013  smiled


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HTML from MS-WORD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, July 5.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Steve
Thank you Gloria!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering
There was a beer party out in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. Two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other. All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Ahhhhhhh! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!" So, the passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "Do you have any cigarettes?" The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants a cigarette." "Well, give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies. So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells to the driver, "Step on it!!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think of that?" The driver replies, "I don't know. How could that be? I am going pretty fast." Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells. "Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver. He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. The driver throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!" They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking! "OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!" The passenger rolls down the window and screams in stark fear, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

We are now seeing a new, redesigned $20 bill. This is part of an anti-counterfeiting program to redesign all of our old currency, which has become too easy to duplicate with modern color photocopiers- a fact that was made all too clear when Xerox, in its 2012 annual report, reported profits of "$850 Billion, mostly in $20's".
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimberly Kieman, 39, Springboro, Ohio Jailed After Throwing Beer Bash For 26 Teenagers, Locking 7-Year-Old Son In Bathroom Reported by the Weekly Vice Kimberly Kieman, a 39-year-old Florida mom, has been jailed after she allegedly hosted an alcohol fueled party for 26 teenagers while her 7-year-old son was locked in the bathroom. According to police, officers were dispatched to a Palm Beach Shores apartment complex Monday night after receiving a complaint about a large group of teenagers at the complex that appeared to be fighting. Neighbors also told police that Kieman had a young son and they were concerned about the boy's welfare. When officers arrived on the scene, the teens all ran inside an apartment where a party seemed to be in progress. When officers knocked on the door of the apartment, partygoers yelled back obscenities and told the officers to go away. About 20 minutes later, an intoxicated Kimberly Kieman opened the door. Investigators say Kieman was so intoxicated that she "couldn't stand without leaning against the door." Officers asked for permission to enter the apartment to check on the welfare of Kieman's son, however Kieman refused the request and hid behind partygoers, who slammed the door shut in the officers' faces. The teen partygoers then barricaded themselves against the door and stated that they intended to "stand their ground" against the entire police force if they tried to enter. The teens then slid a note under the door that contained "a written notice of demands," according to the arrest report. Police eventually broke down the door and arrested 26 teenagers who attended the party. Officers found Kieman's 7-year-old son locked in a bathroom at the residence, while Kieman was discovered hiding under a pile of dirty laundry. A 16-year-old girl was found in a hallway choking on her own vomit. She was taken to St. Mary's Medical Center for treatment. Two 55-gallon trash containers were found on the front porch filled with ice and various alcoholic beverages. Kieman was booked into jail and charged with child endangerment. -------------- With 27 people and that much alcohol, that bathroom must have been a very busy place! Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: HTML from MS WORD Dear Webby I write my web pages by saving MS WORD docs as HTML. Usually that works OK. When it didn't, I asked my ISP to look at it and fix it. He got quite rude about it and was of no help. Can you fix it for me? Maria Dear Maria No, I won't, but I'll try not to get rude about it. The HTML produced by WORD does sorta work, but it is definitely not suitable for quick fixes or updating. The code looks awful and any fixes are very time consuming, especially when compared to clean HTML. Your best bet is to just write a new doc and convert that, or use a proper HTML editor to write your pages. I doubt that you will find any volunteer to fix that page for free, or even for pay. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wet Wipes for a Cookout Cool Down At a cookout, picnic, or other hot weather gathering, toss a package of wet wipes in the cooler with the ice and drinks (I bought a plastic pop-up dispenser for a dollar). When the temps are in the 90's, it feels WONDERFUL to wipe your face, hands, and neck with a chilled cloth! By Becki from Logansport, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Several weeks after his birthday, I stopped by my sister's house and my 7 year old nephew greeted me with, "Thanks for the Sea Scout Signal Whistle you gave me for my birthday ! It's the best birthday present I ever got." "That's great, Did you learn how to pipe any signals on it ?" "Oh, I don't play with it," the little guy said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to blow it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to blow it at night."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Anni got a part time job in a local restaurant to pick up a little money. She was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them but a co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant. A nervous Anni served all the lunches successfully last Saturday utilizing every stand she could find. Afterward Anni was concerned about an elderly couple that had finished some time ago and paid their check, but remained sitting at the table. When Anni asked if everything had been all right, the man said quietly, " Yes, It was fine, dear, but my wife and I would like to leave now and we were wondering if she could please have her walker back?"
» Relero's Sidewalk 3D Art:

Today, July 5, in
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their attempt 
 to retake Buenos Aires, Argentina.
1811 Venezuela became the first South American country to 
 declare independence from Spain.
1814 U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior British 
 force at Chippewa, Canada.
1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers.

1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of the 
 press after German Democrats advocate a revolt against 
 Austrian rule.
1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan Island 
 in China and then occupied it.
1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and 
 distributed supplies to the citizens.
1892 Andrew Beard was issued a patent for the rotary engine.
1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet Union.
1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the 
Soviet salient. It was the largest tank battle in history.
1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made 
 its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in 
 Paris. Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit.
1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first 
 time at Osan, South Korea.
1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented 
 the junction transistor.
1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule.
1989 Former U.S. National Security Council aide Oliver North 
 received a $150,000 fine and a suspended prison term for his 
 part in the Iran-Contra affair. The convictions were later 
 overturned.
1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with 
 the launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars.
2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian 
 hijacker after he threw a grenade that exploded and wounded 
 15 passengers aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner.
2000 Euan Blair, the oldest son of British prime minister 
 Tony Blair, was arrested after police found him drunk and 
 lying on the ground in London's Leicester Square. 
2013  smiled


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FireFox 22 is a dud! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 4.
Happy 4th of July!

Thank you Michael!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Your wheels: Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Hi Webby, Here's Ken's wheels, his "Black Beauty"ť, a 2005 GMC SLT . He likes to make Fard & Doge owners jealous! LOL! TC, Betty
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. "How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter. She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks."
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

>From Nan While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. One evening as the manager was leaving, I expressed my concern to him about our safety, being two women working alone at night. "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bamboo Flute Blanchard, 18, Gainesville, Floriduh Jailed After Stabbing Father In Chest "Because He Wanted To Know What It Would Be Like To Kill Someone" Reported by the Weekly Vice Bamboo Flute Blanchard, an 18-year-old Florida man, has been jailed after he allegedly stabbed his father in the chest because he "wondered what it would be like to kill someone." According to the Alachua County Sheriff's Office, Bamboo Flute and his younger brother were at their residence Tuesday evening when Bamboo Flute picked up a knife and asked his little brother "I wonder what it would be like to kill someone?" Blanchard then walked into his father's bedroom with his younger brother trailing behind, spotted his sleeping father, and then stabbed him in the chest. Emergency responders called to the scene took the 54-year- old victim to a local hospital where he is now in stable condition. The victim refused to give investigators a statement about the stabbing. Bamboo Flute, who has 16 siblings, merely grunted when detectives attempted to question him. Bamboo Flute was booked into jail and charged with attempted premeditated first-degree murder. He will be playing flutes for a while! Tech Support Pits From: Dora Re: Firefox 22 is a dud! Dear Webby Firefox had been consistently good, so I didn't worry when I got the update notice for Firefox 22 today. Don't fall for it! Firefox 22 is a DUD. 1) RoboForm does not show in it. 2) The top mars steal even MORE space than previous versions, something that is simply NOT tolerable with wide monitors. the one you call "Sawed Off Runts". When working with spreadsheets,you need as much vertical space as possible! 3) Web pages look awful with Firefox 22 So, how do I get back to a properly working version of FireFox? Dora Dear Dora 1) Save all your open tabs in an email or a word processor, where they are clickable. Backgrading wipes out all your tabs. 2) Download Firefox 21 3) Close Firefox 4) Use the download to install FireFox 5) Save all open files and reboot the computer Keep in mind that backgrading destroys the list of open tabs. It does not keep them in restorable form like with a crash. That is why you have to save them in an email or doc. However, in Version 21 everything works, and the top is much more compact. I have no idea why they made a bloated Kindergarten Version top, and backgraded my own browser back to #21 too. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Fireworks After the Holiday Last year I went after the 4th when they were having the buy 1 get 2 free sales (yep I typed that right) and stocked up for this year. We already have a bag full of fireworks waiting for us to light up this year! Of course you need to store them in a safe, fireproof place. By Kathy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastor's son, replied, "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bill for this story: Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train so that she could manage our household over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you are sure some man! But one of these days you are goin' to get caught!"
» Lego Creations

Today, July 4, in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by 
 Thomas Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, 
 the President of the Continental Congress in America.
1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers. The 
 property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was for 
 $15 million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of Discovery," 
 led by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, began the 
 exploration of the territory on May 14, 1804.
1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect Lake Erie 
 and the Hudson River.
1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his two-year 
 experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, near Concord, MA.
1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City, KS.
1886 The first rodeo in America was held at Prescott, AZ.
1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared 
 Hawaii a republic.
1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the 
 Philippines.
1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after 
 African-American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries in a 
 heavyweight boxing match.
1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight.
1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was dedicated.
1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the first time 
 in over four hundred years.
1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA.
1966 U.S. President Johnson signed the Freedom of Information Act, 
 which went into effect the following year.
1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the 
 "Butcher of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of crimes 
 against humanity and sentenced to life in prison.
1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed on Mars. 
 A rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather data about 
 the surface of the planet.
1997 Ferry service between Manhattan and Staten Island was 
 made free of charge.
2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into waters 
 off its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions.
2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. 
 It had been closed to the public since 2001.
2013  smiled


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How to safe bookmarks in IE 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 3.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Your wheels: Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Read the side it is a hoot!! Cookie
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797)
I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?"
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon... "Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush," "Wash your hands..." After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?"
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Cascade on purpose
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Laura Whitehurst, 28, Redlands, California Jailed After Having Sex With Student, Delivering His Baby Reported by the Weekly Vice Laura Whitehurst, a 28-year-old English teacher at Citrus Valley High School, was jailed Monday after she allegedly had sex with a 16-year-old student, became pregnant by him and delivered his child. According to police, an investigation was launched Monday after the victim's mother contacted school administrators and told them that her son was the father of Whitehursts' newborn child. Whitehurst gave birth to the child on June 18. Investigators say Whitehurst and the student began a year-long sexual relationship last summer when the student was 16. "One thing led to another, and he ended up living at Whitehurst's residence, and it's been going on, going for approximately one year now," said Redlands Police spokesman Shawn Ryan. Whitehurst was booked into jail and charged with suspicion of having unlawful intercourse with an underage student. Is "Bonehead" a strong enough term for a ......? Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: How to save bookmarks in IE Dear Webby You wrote about it before, but I did not save that tip. How do you save the bookmarks in IE ? Thanks Allan Dear Allan Just remember ALT FINE Hold down the ALT key, hit F I N E and hit Enter a bunch of times. You can even specify the file name that will have the bookmarks in it, for example C:\bookmarks130703.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Magnet to Hold Brush to Paint Can When you're painting and you need to put your brush down it can be messy, not to mention losing it. Just use a hot glue gun and attach a magnet on to your brush handle. Then when you need to set down your brush it will stay right on your paint can. By coville123 Most paint cans have a groove designed to trap paint and splatter it all over, when you tap the lid in place. Pros take two two inch spiral nails, and hammer two holes each on opposite sides, and leave the nails in one hole each per side. Then we run a rubber band across the paint can berween opposite nails. Now you can lean the brush with the handle on a clean rim and the bristles on the rubber band, dripping into the can. Any paint, that gets onto the rim, drips down through the unoccupied holes, and there won't be any splattering, when you remove the nails and slam the lid. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible,"he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet" the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog."HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Oh!! NO!! He's Pentecostal!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said... "So why is the groom wearing black?"
» Danxia

Today, July 3, in
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain.
1775 U.S. Gen. George Washington took command of the 
 Continental Army at Cambridge, MA.
1878 John Wise flew the first US dirigible in Lancaster, PA.
1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish 
 ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade 
 of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were 
 destroyed in the battle that followed.
1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced 
 between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila.
1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break 
 out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France.
1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk.
1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the 
 Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first 
 air-strike of the Korean War.
1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years 
after the end of World War II.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated the 
 Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 
2013  smiled


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Slow virus scanning 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 2.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


Your wheels: Thanks to Larry for this picture: Been dreaming about one for two years. Finally got one! A 2000 Corvette with Head Up display (Speedo readout on inside of windshield). I really enjoy it when the weather cooperates. Larry
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. --- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661) Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. --- Martin Luther King Jr.
A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing and with whom?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

Ted Nugent on Deer Hunting While on a European tour, Ted was being interviewed by a French journalist. The journalist asked, "What do you think the last thought is in the head of a deer before you shoot it? Is it, `Are you my friend?`or is it `Are you the one who killed my brother?'" Nugent replied, "They aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French."
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version A cool ride on the windy side
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Summer Michelle Hansen, Special education teacher has been jailed for having sex with 'multiple teenage' students who stayed on after class A special education teacher has been accused of having sex with several of her students who stayed behind after classes. Summer Michelle Hansen has been placed on administrative while officials try to determine how many of her students she had sex with. Parents have been told to talk to their children to see if they had any unwarranted contact with the married 31 year old at Centennial High School in Corona, California. Hansen has been charged with multiple counts of engaging in unlawful sex and oral copulation of a minor. The exact number of students she had sex with has is not known but police believe there are multiple people she had illegal sexual relations with. The mother of three came under investigation after a former student at the school came forward to say he had sex with Hansen. The Corona Norco Unified School District has placed Hansen on leave, according to Superintendent Tom Pike. Prior to her arrest, with some make-up and push-up, she looked more cheerful, and one can understand why students fell for her charms. Tech Support Pits From: Sunny Re: Slow virus scanning Dear Webby, When I do a virus scan and it gets to big zip files, everything slows down and it takes a long time to get past those zip files. Is there a way to speed that up? Thanks Sunny Dear Sunny Burn those zip files onto CDs or DVDs, and delete them off your computer. You are obviously not actively using them, just storing them, so you might as well store them elsewhere, like out in the garage. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Marked Down Pastries And Freeze Them Tired of buying those expensive snacks for school? I try to do my shopping early in the morning because our local store has a display of doughnuts, muffins, etc., marked down. I buy these marked down items and place them in our freezer. Once they are really frozen I put the items in a gallon size freezer bag and place them back in the freezer. On school mornings I pull the "snack" out, place it in a sandwich bag, and pack it for their snack time. By the time my children eat their snack, it is defrosted and yummy! By Tanya from Winchester, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Jill decided to improve her computer skills, she threw herself into it with enthusiasm. Every week she'd check out two or three instructional books from the library. After about a month the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable at this stuff." "Thanks," Jill said. "What makes you say that?" The librarian answered, "Only one of the books you're checking out this week has 'For Dummies' in the title."
» The Canadian Myth

Today, July 2, in
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed 
 Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany.
1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a 
 year of siege.
1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of 
 Marston Moor near York, England.
1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American colonies 
 "are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" 
 was adopted by the Continental Congress.
1850 B.J. Lane patented the gas mask.
1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially opened 
 for business.
1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on 
 imperial lands.
1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared in 
 the Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the 
world at the equator.
1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped 
 land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest.
1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force 
 insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts 
 led to speculation that it might have been an alien 
 spacecraft.
1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in 
 response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize 
 the Marine base at Con Thien.
1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not 
 inherently cruel or unusual.
1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration 
 for males 18 years of age.
1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth.
1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic 
 road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars.
1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, 
 Bill Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's 
 richest man. In 1999, he was worth about $77 billion.
1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged 
 that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American 
 defectors during the Vietnam War.
2013  smiled


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A better Home Page 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 1.
Happy Canada Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Your wheels: Thanks to Tess for this picture: Oh, I loved this car. Wish I hadn't sold it, but I got a call the other day from the 4th owner, who says it is still wonderful and filled me in on some of the work he's doing on it. It was bought in Texas, lived in Virginia and (I think) Ohio, and is now in the Colorado Rockies. Tess
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. ---Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns
Tracy goes to get her haircut. The stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, then hands the girl a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?" Tracy looks at the cut carefully, evaluating it from every angle. Finally, she says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?"
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

A married couple, trying to live up to a snobbish life-style went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. "Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!" The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You're so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the number five bus going to Coney Island." There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, "We're leaving right now. Get your coat and let's get our of here." As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally, his wife turned to him and said, "You're angry about something." "Oh really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the number five bus to Coney Island? How could you say that? Everyone knows the number five bus doesn't go to Coney Island !"
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Going to Church
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Karen Vaughan, Cook County,Illinois Claiming that Pensioners picking dandylions are commiting a CRIME Reported by Walter, the StoneCarver Karen Vaughan, spokeswoman for the Cook County Forest Preserve District, said foraging is prohibited. About a pensioner picking a shopping bag full of dandylion leaves from amongst the weeds in an unmowed triangle behind a fence: "It's unsustainable," she said. "Quite simply, we could see some of these plants disappear over time. It can also have negative impacts on the natural plant and animal communities we're trying to preserve for the public." You'd think the district's yearly budget of almost $200 million would be better spent on catching the body dumpers and the weirdos rather than harassing a few old people holding fast to old ways. Europeans, esppecially Greeks, Italians and Spaniards, have always used dadndylion leaves for food, and rarely bought them in the store. They usually send the kids to the nearest lawn and delight the owner of that lawn by picking what he considers a nuisance weed. With so much crime in the Chicago area, from murderous gangbangers to those thug mobs and everything in between, the Cook County Gestapo is now focusing on easier targets: Senior Citizen Dandylion Pickers. One example is John Taris, 75, retired tailor and notoriosus dandylion picker. He was find $75 and now has a criminal record. And Karen Vaughan claims publicly, that "foraging" is a serious crime and has to be eradicated. Amazing, that is what your taxes pay for! I got dandylions in my lawn. If anybody wants them, pick them! I have rhubarb too. It is delicious with a bit of honey. Go ahead and pick some! Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Alternative to the obnoxious Yahoo Home Page Dear Webby, I have been using yahoo for years for a home page, but I am really getting sick of their editorial policy - is there someplace else that I could use that's not as obnoxious? - but is also easy to use - Bill Dear Bill My home page started out as an alternative to home pages like that. That was in the early 90's. Just go to http://webby.com/humor and make that your default home page. On the riht side, a the top of the side menu, is a Google search field. It will not secretly change to some other search engine. Below that are handy links. If there are any sites, that you often go to, that should be listed on the side menu, just tell me. It works just fine as a home page, especially when you want to back out of something nasty. Just hit HOME, and you are back on the familiar Humor letter. And unlike the socialist yahoos at Yahoo, I listen to people, and if you suggest a link, I will add it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Antacids For Muscle Cramps This tip was given to me by my daughter and has worked very well for me as I had been getting a great deal of cramps in my hands. It is very simple, chew 2 Tums, or any antacid that is taken for an acid reflux or upset tum ;) By lesley Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
During a jury selection process, the first lawyer began his questioning as an intimidating showman. He looked over the prospective jurors and asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge said, "I do."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A butcher, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer. "That's a good price, but it really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?" Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. "This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65." The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision... "You know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
» The Canadian Myth

Today, July 1, in

0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a 
 Roman Emperor by the Egyptian legions.
1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich.
1596 An English fleet under the Earl of Essex, Lord Howard 
 of Effingham and Francis Vere captured and sacked 
 Cadiz, Spain.
1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt.
1847 The U.S. Post Office issued its first adhesive stamps.
1867 Canada became an independent dominion.
1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks.
1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made 
 out of wood was opened in San Francisco, CA.
1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt 
 and his "Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on 
 San Juan Hill in Cuba.
1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his 
 new "A" type alkaline storage batteries.
1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of the 
 Somme began in France. The battle was the first to use tanks.
1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened 
 to traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on 
 November 7, 1940.
1942 German troops captured Sevestpol, Crimea, in the 
 Soviet Union.
1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding 
 federal income tax from paychecks.
1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near 
 Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem 
 the tide of the advancing North Korean army.
1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against Iraqi threats.
1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60 countries. 
1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince of Wales.
1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon the death 
 of her husband, Juan.
1979 Sony introduced the Walkman.
1980 "O Canada" was proclaimed the national anthem of Canada.
1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved.
1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation Organization 
 visited the Gaza Strip.
1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from 
 Great Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong 
 as a colony for 156 years.
2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show 
 their opposition to anti-subversion legislation.
2013  smiled


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ThriftyFun Difficult to print 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, June 30.

Now that most of the snow, that had remained on the mountains
a lot longer than during the years of the Warming Ripple, has
been melted by a warm summer rain, and has torn off the 
vegetation and trees and shrubs and 30 years of accumulated 
mud from the sides of the river, the Sheep River here has 
settled down to a cute little brook. 

On tonight's walk I hiked where there was a torrent of mud 
and uprooted young forest roiling and boiling last week. 
The river pretty well tore it's banks back to where they 
were during the previous Cool Ripple. 
Remember Carl Sagan and his 
'Ice Age Is Coming because of your gas guzzling muscle cars!'?
He spouted that nonsense at the end of the last cool ripple,
just like Al Gore blathered to the sheeple about Gullible
Warming at the end of the warm ripple. 

The #7 highway bridge is getting to be quite old, and when
a log jam of trees and bushes plugged it up, it got jostled 
and moved a bit. To open the #7 and buy time for the Dept of
Highways to allocate funds for a new bridge, they are now
putting three culverts in and covering them with dirt for a
temporary road.

That seems scary when considering the late snow-melt flood,
but is actually quite generous considering the small amount
of water, that is now actually flowing. I spotted various
places along the river, where I could cross it without 
getting my shins wet. They will fix or replace the bridge
long before they have to tear those culverts and dirt
out to make room for the next snow melt.

Yes, snow melt is going to be late for the next 30 years 
or so, but now that the river beds have been cleaned and
widened, there won't be mud and forests coming down.

Well, Carl Sagan did not influence my choice of cars,
and neither did Al Gore.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Your wheels: Thanks to Donnie for these pictures: I got these photos last week. I would love to have one! Donnie A 1957,1958 and 1959 Chevy all rolled into one! This car was built by N2A motors (No 2 Alike). The company is planning a production run of about 100 vehicles. It sits on a Corvette C6 chassis, front styled like a 57 Chevy, Side like a 58, rear like a 59. Hence the designation "789."
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. --- Woody Allen Was he talking about Al Gore, or WhatsHisName? It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Helloooou, Sandy," whereupon Sandy broke up in roaring laughter. "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

>From Hillary I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order, like it should be.
Thanks to SexySassySatin for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Barwick, 53, Sarasota, Floriduh Jailed After Stealing Lawnmower With Bicycle Getaway Vehicle Reported by The Weekly Vice Michael Barwick, a 53-year-old Florida bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly tried to steal a lawnmower - towing it away with a bicycle. According to Sarasota Police, Barwick was seen by a resident as he walked into a resident's carport and then pushed out his lawnmower. Barwick was then seen attaching the lawnmower to his bicycle with string before peddling away with the loot. Officers located Barwick, and returned the resident's lawmower. Barwick was booked into jail and charged with felony burglary. Tech Support Pits From: George Re: Thrifty Fun difficult to print Dear Webby, Some of the information that comes up in Thrifty Fun is so wonderful for me that I need to copy it for my information binder. However, I highlight it and put it to print, but find that many of the words in the right margin come out missing, or I only get part words. Can I do anything that will prevent this from occurring? George Dear George That is a HoeMail "feature". You can try shrinking the page by holding down the CTRL key and rolling the scroll wheel on the mouse. It might help. I word-wrap the parts, that I feature, at 60 characters max, to avoid that well known HoeMail problem, but there is nothing I can do about the rest of the ThriftyFun site. You can highlight, what you want to print, hit CTRL C to copy it, jump to a word processor or text editor, hit CTRL V to paste it. Then you have full control over sizes and fonts, and can print it the way you want it. You can also save it as a file. That saves paper and ink, and you can search for it. Simply save it with a descriptive name, and put all those Thrifty Tips into a folder, that you make for them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Antacids For Muscle Cramps This tip was given to me by my daughter and has worked very well for me as I had been getting a great deal of cramps in my hands. It is very simple, chew 2 Tums, or any antacid that is taken for an acid reflux or upset tum ;) By lesley Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Harry was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds." Harry replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting." ----------------- This one didn't. Moe is not saying where he caught it.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
> From Ed An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."
» Mantis Shrimp (coarse language)

Today, June 30, in
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum.
1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train.
1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross 
 Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for 
 Japanese aid.
1908 An explosion in Siberia, which knocked down trees in a 
 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles 
 away. It was believed by some scientists to be caused by 
 a fragment from a meteorite, which has since been found.
1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and 
 Spain. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War.
1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when 
 the French failed to take Vimy Ridge.
1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, 
 the British deputy for Northern Ireland.
1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland.
1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA 
 and bringing to power the SS in the 
 "Night of the Long Knives."
1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind," was 
 published in New York City.
1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into 
 Korea and authorizes the draft.
1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly 
 line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250.
1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament with 
 US made weaponry.
1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission 
 of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union.
1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The 
 three cosmonauts were found dead inside.
1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition 
 to the B-1 bomber.
1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw 
 homosexual acts between consenting adults.
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to 
 give the same legal validity to an electronic signature as 
 a signature in pen and ink. 
2013  smiled


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Weeding out the fonts 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, June 29.

Each success only buys an admission ticket 
to a more difficult problem.
--- Henry Kissinger

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.
--- Walter Lippmann

Your wheels: Thanks to Trish for this picture: We have a lot of 'Jeep' ads here in Australia at the moment, all saying. . . I bought a Jeep! Yes I bought a Jeep So I got a Jeep from those guys. Trish
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The full moon a few days ago reminded me of this story: I gaze at the brilliant moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia, and backed away from it, and I show him a copy of the Constitution and the way the courts and the politicians hacked it to pieces. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. Then I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped." ----------- Feel free to substitute your favorite states/provinces.
14,000 Woodworking Plans With Step-by-step Instructions, Photos And Diagrams To Make Every Project Laughably Easy. Get WoodWorking 4 Home now!

Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now."
Thanks to Moe for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Haro, 41, Roseburg, Oregon Oregon Man Wearing "Got Beer?" T-Shirt Is Arrested For Drunk Driving Reported by The Smoking Gun An Oregon man wearing a “Got Beer?” t-shirt was arrested for drunk driving, police report. Christopher Haro, 41, was driving a Ford pickup truck Wednesday evening when a Roseburg Police Department officer pulled the vehicle over for a traffic violation. During subsequent questioning, the cop concluded that Haro was intoxicated. Haro was busted for DUI and booked into the Douglas County lockup, where he posed in his message t-shirt for the above mug shot. He was freed from custody Thursday after posting bond on the misdemeanor count. Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Weeding out the fonts Dear Webby, If anyone would know the answer to this, it will be you. I use Windows XP and was just wondering. . . . . . . . Is there anyway to move unused fonts to another folder to get them out of the way? I have tried to drag and drop them and copy/cut and paste them, but nothing works. The drop down menu says I can delete them, but I really don't want to do that because I might use them someday. But right now, I seem to have so many that I don't use on a regular basis that I see no need for them to be in the drop down menu. Thanks for the great Humor Letter and many tips! Beverly Dear Beverly Go into Control Panel Fonts and SHIFT-DRAG the fonts, that you don't want any more, into some other folder. It helps if you make a new folder beforehand and name it SpareFonts. Moving those spare fonts in there normally takes them out of the font list. You may have to restart the application that uses the fonts to clear it's cached font list. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ant killer: Save your orange peels! Mix up equal parts of peels and water in a blender, pour over the ants nest or transfer to a pump-spray bottle to mark a line around your property. A natural solution with no nasty insecticides. Source: An online site on how to rid garden pests. By Monique Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice: "The big sissy."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?" Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there." "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there." "What if that was vandalised?" "Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Tony." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" Came the answer, "Because his wife, my sister, keeps saying his feet smell so bad, the stench could stop a train!"
» Mantis Shrimp (coarse language)

Today, June 29, in
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain.
1652 Massachusetts declared itself independent commonwealth.
1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue Acts. 
 The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint, paper 
 and tea shipped to America.
1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minot’s 
 Ledge, MA.
1880 France annexed Tahiti.
1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first 
 appendectomy in England.
1903 The British government officially protested Belgian 
 atrocities in the Congo.
1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports 
 all over the country. Many ships were looted.
1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia.
1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted 
 electric light bulb.
1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in 
 an economic efficiency measure.
1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews 
 in Palestine in an attempt to end terrorism.
1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade 
 of Korea.
1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean 
 peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor.
1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put 
 down anti-Communist demonstrations.
1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the 
 North Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong.
1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem.
1982 Israel invaded Lebanon.
2007 The Apple iPhone went on sale.
2013  smiled


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Mystery Voice Ads 



Good Morning,  !

Here, in blue, is what I had written for Saturday, June 22.
I got as far as telling Natalie on Skype, that I had my and
Ophelia's newsletters ready to sent to her via Skype.
That was around 4 am. Then they turned off dial-up.
@#$%^&*@#$%!!!! So, here is what I had written in the preface:
===================
Today is Saturday, June 22.

DSL is still down, dial-up is almost down.
Not impressed!

And now the power is down.
Typo-ing by flashlight now, but not for long.
Power failures seem to be an invitation to catch up
on sleep.

I turned the big light on in the bedroom and the radio 
on full volume, and as soon as I was horizontal, I was of
course sound asleep. Woke up about 4 hours later to bright
light and noise and the blanket partially pulled over my
shoulder. 

OK, back to work.
DSL Internet is STILL down! And from what I hear from friends
who can afford a Smartphone, the net is not accessible for 
them either. No point going into debt for one of those, if
they don't work.

To get yesterday's newsltters out, I had to send the text
and pictures via Skype to Natalie, my server tech director 
in Kharkiv, Ukraine, along with instructions on how to
send the newsletters. She uploaded them and sent them out.
It looks like I will have to do it that way again!

I hope you have a LOT MORE fun than I am having!
DearWebby


Dial-up is still turned off.
I can understand DSL being down, because they strung the
fiber-optic cable under the bridge. DUH! 
Yes, under the bridge, where it gets hit every year by stumps 
and logs and pieces of other bridges. They were not smart 
enough to hang it off the TV cable, that is strung up high
enough, that a sailboat could pass under it, not just the
skinnier inner-tubers. 
I have no idea why it takes them so long to patch in some 
new fiber-optic cable. Maybe the guy with the crimpers 
is on vacation? They still don't allow anybody near the 
river.

I also have no idea, why they deliberately turned off dial-up.
Dial-up was still working via the old route, not across the
river, and the damage to THIS bridge is not related to it.
Without the net, we get no news, of course, and on TV they
apparently just have vague and general excuses.

People with smart-phones from other companies get occasional
service now and then. I guess they are handicapped by the
problems at Telus too. I asked Barb to try to send an email
to my dad and watched her painfully type it into the tiny
phone during one of the times, when she had connectivity.
Definitely not good enough for work. 
I would need something like an air-card that lets me connect
the computer and get some work done.
Nothing like that seems to be availabale here.

Well, before we get to the Humor Letter, that I had prepared 
for you, a warning from Dianne:

"HP's customer registration bank was hacked.
Sunday a.m. I woke up to find my printer had printed all the 
stats due to this machine. No, I did not ask it to.
Then Monday afternoon, an HP logo with update appeared on 
my desktop. I clicked on it....
What a mess... full of ma la ware and junk. Took two hours 
to clean out my computer.
Dianne"




Your wheels: Thanks to Cookie for this picture: On the way to mountains today to my son's home, passed this on I-5. It is on a very hot looking auto frame with a chrome decorated motor. Steering wheel is on the top of basket Cookie
Send me pictures of YOUR wheels, or dream wheels! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: 'How can I get in on that?'" --- Dave Barry
After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check. In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac. "Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?" "Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap."
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve." Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".
The REAL Bible Of Fat Burning Food Choices And Healthy Eating. Unsurpassed Quality book! By Shaun Hadsall And Nick Pineault Cut through all the BS and scams and learn the facts. Get The Truth About Fat Burning Foods!

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer". The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system. Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two refer to him as 'boss'!"
Thanks to Clyde for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dylan Aufdengarten, 27 and Jennifer Harmon, 29 in North Platte, NE Jail Escape Cut Short After Annoying Girlfriend Getaway Driver Reported by The Weekly Vice Dylan Aufdengarten, a 27-year-old escapee from the Lincoln County Detention Center, was promptly returned to jail after his girlfriend getaway driver kicked him out of her car following an argument. According to the Lincoln County Sheriff's Office, Aufdengarten was working at the North Platte Animal Shelter as part of a work program when he slipped away and got into a vehicle that was driven by his girlfriend, 29-year-old Jennifer Harmon. Investigators say the shelter staff was left short handed when someone called in a bogus report that a vicious dog was on the loose. Staff notified the Sheriff's Office of Aufdengarten's escape a short time after he fled the premises. A manhunt was launched which involved the Lincoln County Sheriff's Office, North Platte Police and the Nebraska State Patrol. During the search investigators spoke with Harmon, who admitted to being the getaway driver during Aufdengarten's escape. She also stated that she booted Aufdengarten out of her car five minutes after picking him up because he wouldn't stop arguing with her. Harmon directed authorities to the location where she dropped Aufdengarten off. Aufdengarted was located and returned to custody a short time later. Aufdengarted was booked into jail on a new felony charge of Escape From Custody. He was just 30 days from the completion of his sentence when he was booked into jail on the fresh charge. Jennifer Harmon was booked into jail on a felony charge of Aiding and Abetting Escape. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Mystery voice ads Hi Dear Webby, I guess as an introduction it is superfluous to say how great your letter is.WE ALL KNOW IT IS! My question is about intermittent vocal ads that I hear on my lap-top. There is no video to be seen. The only way I know how to stop is , is to select mute on the audio icon. Have you a better suggestion? Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter Dear Walter "prosper" ? I would love to try that some day! Your voice ads are probably an enslavement. Somebody clicked AGREE without reading the small print and got the machine enslaved and willing to pester you with those voice ads. Try Spybot-Search&Destroy from my tools page at http://webby.com/tools It MIGHT point out the culprit, but since somebody hit AGREE, it can't really do much. Have a look in the Browser TOOLS, ADD-ONS and see if there is something new or unknown. If there is, dump it. Also have a look in Control Panel, Programs and look for weird stuff. Keep in mind, it might be using a name, that is close to something legitimate. I can't search the net right now, because the Internet is down in this region. However, if your net is up, try searching for VOICE ADS, SOUND ADS etc. Quite likely other people got enslaved too. Keep in mind that the name of the ad delivery program is usually not related to whatever program you "bought" with the enslavement. Also look for new tool bars and links to weather or stock services. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camping In a Travel Trailer For 3-4 years our whole family camped in a travel trailer exclusively. It was fun to prepare an entire meal of home-made lasagne perhaps, complete with china and silverware, and watch the other campers enviously eat hot dogs over campfires. On Monday morning, the kids and I would search the empty campground for fires still burning and any other detritus left behind. We hiked all over the place and I would incorporate what we found into our lessons which I was teaching them. By Susan from Baltimore, MD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a pro- minent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now?" "Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I bet you think twice before you leave your wife alone at night," chided one man to the other. "I'll say." replied the second. "First, I have to think up a reason for going out. Second, I have to think up why she can't go with me."
» Atomospheric Composition

Today, June 22, in
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several 
 other people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay 
 by mutineers.
1772 Slavery was outlawed in England.
1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation 
 leading to the War of 1812.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time.
1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine.
1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in 
 Seattle, WA.
1911 King George V of England was crowned.
1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the 
 Eastern Front as the Russians retreat.
1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against 
 Abd el Krim in Morocco.
1933 Germany became a one political party country when 
 Hitler banned parties other than the Nazis.
1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, 
 on terms dictated by the Nazis.
1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the 
 Soviet Union.
1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the 
 mouth of the Columbia River.
1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the 
 "GI Bill of Rights" to provide broad benefits for 
 veterans of the war.
1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa 
 officially ended after 81 days.
1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for 
 the first time.
1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings 
 in Casbah were blown up.
1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed 26th amendment, 
 lowering the voting age to 18.
1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the 
 Pacific after a record 28 days in space.
1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of 
 its forces from Afghanistan.
1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that 
 hate-crime laws that ban cross-burning and similar 
 expressions of racial bias violated free-speech rights.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally 
 obtained by authorities could be used at revocation 
 hearings for a convicted criminal's parole.
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with 
 remediable handicaps cannot claim discrimination in 
 employment under the Americans with Disability Act.
2013  smiled


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